#not bc i particularly love being alive but because the fact that i dont know what comes after death scares me too much lmao

[arionaleilani]

decided to make a list of all my diagnosed issues and like fucking. god damn. how am i just living day to day.

[everythingsinred]

It's surprising and curious how Mikan's words can actually hurt or affect Natsume in some way and this is 100% canon in the manga, at least it happens twice.

The first is that time at the Festival when his fans started saying bad things about Mikan and she, in a fit of fury, said that she would never ever dance with Natsume and later we can see that these words really affected him because later he didn't want to dance with her and he even went with another girl!

Natsume, the introvert who never participates in academy events or interacts with girls, this time he did it only because Mikan said she would never dance with him.

And later we have that moment in the new year, when everyone ended up stuck together because of a prank by Tsubasa, at one point Mikan without realizing it says that she likes Ruka more than Natsume and at that moment Natsume doesn't seem affected but when are they going to sleep Natsume remembers Mikan's words twice; the first time when they were entering the room and mikan was complaining and Natsume replies "I'm sorry but I'm not Ruka" and at some point I know he says "I'll return you to Ruka later"

I don't remember if there is another instance in which something similar happens but I think that the 5 of us who are still alive in the fandom don't talk enough about how Mikan's words do have an importance in Natsume and that he can really feel hurt by they. It's also funny because all these scenes occur when Natsume was in the mood of "leaving Mikan and Ruka together" and he stepped aside so those words from Mikan should have been a joy or relief for Natsume but in reality they weren't.

(and very honestly I think that as much as Natsume loved Ruka I think he would never have been able to stand him being with Mikan, I'm sorry but every time there seemed to be some 'progress' between Mikan and Ruka, Natsume never reacted well, in fact he was affected)

hi! thanks for sending a message! my reply is a bit long, so it's under the cut.

it certainly is 100% canon but i dont think it's surprising to me, considering that it's typical for someone with a crush to be particularly vulnerable to any harsh words from said crush (whether they were harsh on purpose or not).

i did discuss these instances and more in my essays bc of how interesting those scenes are from both natsume and mikan's perspective but i will always take an excuse to talk more about them!

i always thought the festival dance instance was interesting, especially when you compare the anime and manga events, bc the anime seems more like what you'd expect from natsume: after pushing ruka and mikan together, he sulks off and isnt seen again at the dance for the rest of the night until mikan finds him. the manga is interesting bc he does the opposite, at least for a little while. yes, he does still push mikan and ruka together, but instead of brooding about it by himself, he acts out of spite, dancing with every girl EXCEPT for mikan.

i love this scene for what it reveals about both of them: they're too stubborn, for their own reasons, to actually communicate their feelings of jealousy. anime!mikan asks natsume to dance but manga!mikan would never, and analyzing those differences is pretty interesting.

and for the new years chapters, he actually gets hurt by her a couple times that day. the first instance is when she asks him how many greeting cards he got, when the answer is 0 and it is technically something she could have deduced. this event is a little different than the "i prefer ruka" one because mikan is instantly berated and feels really guilty for hurting natsume. she even gifts him her mochi as an apology though actually saying the words "im sorry" is difficult for her. natsume is a lil different too, because although he's hurt in the moment, he forgives her pretty quick and is still contemplating giving her his alice stone and he even eats her mochi without receiving any real apology at first. in this case, he knows she didn't mean to hurt him and there's no ill will involved, so it's easier to move past.

the case of confirming out loud that she would rather be attached to ruka than natsume is different for a few reasons:

mikan doesn't know that natsume loves her, so even though she instantly takes it back and tries to clarify, because she knows it's a mean thing to say, she doesn't fully understand why natsume would be particularly hurt by it. i would actually argue that mikan doesn't really mean what she says here, either. she doesn't prefer ruka to natsume at all. she loves both of them (in different ways) but considering her actions up to this point, it's pretty clear she's devoted to natsume. she's just petty here because he's irritating her.

i think mikan does in some way know ruka has feelings for her, and her feelings in response are complicated. i talked a lot about why i feel this way in my essays, but the main takeaway is that, because she isn't sure how she feels about him back, she doesn't want to really confirm or deny anything. saying things like that she prefers ruka to natsume might hint at some confirmation she isn't ready to give.

natsume does get hurt here in a way he doesn't with the greeting cards because this isn't a silly misunderstanding; it's a statement of her feelings. natsume has given up from the beginning. just a few chapters earlier, he even tells ruka "i was never trying to win in the first place" because he has no future to give mikan, being in a relationship with her would put her in more danger, and he hates himself and views himself as unlovable. altogether, he has no hopes of mikan falling in love with him as opposed to ruka. HOWEVER, that doesn't mean hearing things like this doesn't hurt. he's still jealous and sad about it, and that's why he doesn't get over it quickly even when she says that's not what she meant. he stays bitter about it for a long time, because, as far as he's concerned, she told the truth.

i think, usually, natsume doesn't really get very hurt by mikan's words because he knows she's careless and talks without thinking. there's plenty of things she says in the heat of anger or without considering how her words might make someone feel, and understanding what kind of person she is means her words don't hit as hard for him. there's a few instances where she does hurt him, and those are usually related to saying how she feels out of spite. she lashes out, and he gets hurt in the process. he loves her, and nobody on the planet would feel good getting any kind of hint that the person they love doesn't feel the same way.

for me, one of the most interesting scenes in the manga is chapter 81, when natsume asks mikan if people worrying about her is a burden, and she says "yes". she doesn't say it because of luna's threats or carelessly like she might have earlier. usually mikan hurts natsume on accident, or without thinking she could hurt him, but this time she hurts him on purpose, because she's jealous. he hurt her by choosing luna's team over hers, so she hurts him on purpose by saying he's bothering her. she doesn't mean it, and she regrets saying it, but i find it so interesting that she feels so bitter about being rejected by him that she hits back.

we don't really see much of natsume's reaction to that. he's not happy, for sure, but we don't really see if that hurts more than anything else that happens to him in this arc. still, mikan's side of things gives the moment an extra layer of angst.

natsume is, i would argue, almost always team ruka, at least until the sports fest arc. he gets jealous, yes, but like i said, he doesn't consider that he could get the girl and he doesn't really aim to get the girl either, out of fear she could get hurt. he loves mikan and he loves ruka and he thinks, if they like each other, they should be together to make each other happy (because he can't). that doesn't mean he doesn't get jealous, it just means he's choosing the path that hurts him the most for the sake of others because of his martyr complex.

things start changing around the sports fest arc because he becomes increasingly less capable of resisting showing his affection toward mikan. he has been pretending to hate her for so long without ever apologizing, but this time is different. he can't do it. he has to apologize, he has to hug her, to anonymously confess to her. he can't fight it anymore. thus, his jealousy towards ruka (while never once taking the form of anger towards ruka) also becomes stronger.

natsume is fascinating because he in constant conflict between selfishness and selflessness, the conflict between choosing what will make everyone else happy and what will make him happy.

he chooses selflessness each time, even when it's hard, until mikan makes her feelings known to him. he'd already completely let go of hiding his feelings by that point because he wasn't doing any of these things for reciprocation, but just because he loves her. but when she says she loves him back, he chooses selfishness. he's still dying. a relationship would still hurt her. and he still doesn't view himself as lovable (he underestimates how much she loves him). AND YET he still kisses her and proposes.

*note that when i talk about selfishness when it comes to natsume i don't mean it in a necessarily negative way.*

as for natsume not "standing it", i'm sure he wouldn't be able to. but his poor reactions towards mikan and ruka's relationship are mostly internal, which he is willing to take, with maybe some bitterness towards mikan, which works in his favor because he's constantly trying to push her away. he doesn't WANT mikan to be with ruka, but natsume doesn't care about what he wants. what he wants is never his priority. besides, he knows his death is imminent, so at least he wouldn't have to watch mikan be with ruka for too long. he sets the stage and he puts this misery on himself because he's convinced himself everyone would be better off without him.

but that's why it's interesting when he finds out his feelings are reciprocated. he doesn't try to put ruka and mikan together anymore. even when he has ruka promise to take care of mikan for him if anything happens, he doesn't mean for ruka to be with mikan after that. after all, natsume even tells mikan "you are mine," and that he will never give her stone back to her, even if her feelings change. and then, after natsume does die, ruka confesses again to mikan and tells her he will win her over next time. i think he does this to lure natsume back to life. kinda like a "see natsume? im making moves on your girl! come back and fight for her!"

so i do agree with you that he wouldn't be able to stand it, especially after he finds out mikan loves him back. he never wants mikan with someone else, but after that point, he wouldn't be able to tolerate anybody with mikan except for him.

i really can't talk enough about natsume or mikan or their relationship which is why i've written so much about them. natsume's jealousy is so interesting to me because it's rarely as simple as "i don't like the idea of mikan being with someone else." that's definitely a factor, but it's complicated by his love for ruka as well as his own self-hatred and martyr complex. this is what makes him so different from most male leads in other romances and also what makes natsumikan so unique.

tbh i think jealousy gets a bad rep these days. people lump it in with aggression and abuse, and though jealousy can certainly play a role in those things, it's an emotion and no emotion is intrinsically bad or abusive. EVERYONE gets jealous. it's what we do with that jealousy that makes a relationship healthy or toxic. i definitely wouldn't say natsume's jealousy takes a healthy form, but he's not abusive towards mikan in that way, mainly he hurts himself. he puts himself in this situation time and time again. this struggle requires natsume to choose himself every once in a while, rather than what other MLs might need (to choose other people over themselves).

i know you didn't necessarily ask a question, but i love having discussions like this. i hope you have a lovely day!

[kaedeichinose]

im about halfway through diofield chronicles and unless it really falls apart in the back end i'm really enjoying it so far. its obviously made on a budget so keep that in mind but i think it knows how to stretch its budget to present some pretty great looking motion comic ass cutscenes while sprinkling in actual cutscenes when need be. music is good but not especially diverse so far but it hasnt bothered me or anything. i really like how everything is softly anachronistic and ornate while also feeling almost like plastic models or figures on a board game.

one thing i like about it is that your 4 leads are all total nutcases in their own unique ways. i dont wanna call it a deconstruction or anything but it really does feel like it sat down and went ok. how much of a sociopath does a strategy game protagonist need to be to actually pull off these war crimes and delivered in spades. your protagonist being an assassin seems like an interesting class choice until you get deeper in the game and hes just openly and blatantly manipulating a child soldier to join your mercenary company instead of the church but he's still in the right because the church is, in fact, totally fucked. your white mage healer girl is a total insane woman who loves necromancy. your knight in shining armor best friend is beloved by the people but also hates democracy and thinks monarchy is the absolute golden standard bc hes still a noble deathly loyal to a boy who isnt even still alive. iscarion is a spineless centrist who talks big but ultimately would prefer to disengage and be nonconfrontational about everything. its great.

the rest of the cast also have varied personalities so its not like everyone is total scum or anything, which is nice because it helps our leads feel more fleshed out too. the game is doing fine wit hthe interpersonal relationships so far but I do kind of wish there were supports or something in that vein just for a little extra. everyone has character episodes but they basically just revolve around the given character and the protagonist which is like Fine but still. they basically have a way tinier garreg mach just steal supports too.

gameplay is fine idk you know im not a gameplay head. even on easy i find it reasonably challenging but the maps dont seem particularly interesting for the most part, some offer multiple routes to go about it but nothing super crazy. the real strategy mostly comes from managing skill points between skirmishes

[kiiboslostahoge]

Childe hcs bc I can

Hey guys, sorry for being inactive lately! I've been feeling kinda burned out with Genshin(Weird mental health situation and endgame stuff) but I'll try to be more active in the future. Anyways, hope you enjoy this self-indulgent shizz 🖤

Lee. Wears the mask of a tickle monster, but Lee. Capital L.

He's the kind of person to deny being ticklish. Even when squirming and laughing. Even when it's his own siblings.

Childe is this 'Perfect weapon' so nobody ever touches him making tickling kinda confusing for him bc he's super sensitive but also high-key touch starved Lee.

Additionally, the fact that he, this 'abyssal monster' has such a silly weakness and LIKES IT embarrasses him SO much. He loves hates teases for this exact reason.

He has wrecked everyone he's friends or closer with at some point in the past. Even Lumine. I do not take constructive criticism.

Scariest ler in existence, okay? He has an electro delusion and an agile build, he ain't even gonna bother with the death spots, but if he does...

RIP RANDOM LEE XXXX-XXXX

All fun and games for the incarnate of the tickle monster till he gets a taste of his own medicine

One time, a treasure hoarder ended up actually managing to take his bow by tickling his ribs(The poor treasure hoarder was dared to do this by their friends. They did not make it out alive oop-)

Everyone knows this, but he laughs like a little girl and the twins think it's hilarious. Aether never gets to hear it tho, Childe always wrecks him

One time, Childe's delusion strikes were getting too fast, so Lumine grabbed him by the shoulder blades. Childe giggled. The knowledge that her grip back then was weak enough to tickle someone haunts her to this day yet Childe's weakness provides her with all the billet drops and artifacts she wants

Then, there's the fatui

His subordinates don't tickle him that much bc they know what happened to that one treasure hoarder(Tbf, no one wants to be tickled by a complete stranger in the middle of the fight)

The harbingers and the Tsaritsa, on the other hand...

The goddess herself looks at him, the guy who mastered all weapons other than the bow at 14, and sees 'baby'

Most people can't be with him for 15 minutes without fearing for their lives, but to the harbingers(not signora), he's like a toddler with a simultaneously masochist and sadistic streak

Summary: Get rekt Childe

Scaramouche acts like a total tsundere towards him. The sixth gets rekt alllll the time, but sometimes he wrecks Childe back. Additionally, sometimes Scaramouche just wants to make someone suffer, but Pierro or the Tsaritsa warn him not to torture more recruits.

Screw it, I'm going full-on crazy. Sometimes Pulcinella, the fifth tickled him as a kinda punishment because 1. Childe thought that the pain would help improve his self-control and therefore wants to push his limits(Dont tell me you want a little kid telling about getting beaten up by Mitachurl while you're just following procedures) and 2. He sees Childe as a little brother and can't bring himself to hurt him ~Ehe~

Signora is in denial. She is desperately trying to convince herself he's just some monster from the abyss(So is Childe himself, honey. You ain't special) Said 'delusion' is not helped by Childe screeching like a girl because Scaramouche was feeling particularly angry. One day, she will poke him in the side, she just needs to work through the real hatred first.

Then there's Zhongli.

Where do I even start?

This man has DRAGON TONGUE, THE RASBERRIES HE CAN GIVE-

Chronological order, ig

Childe always teased Zhongli for being so uptight, and one day he just pokes Zhongli's side

Minimal reaction, but he's a harbinger, and most of all, Scaramouche's coworker. Gotta read between the lines

From then on, he starts wrecking our dear consultant. Gotta make the uptight man laugh somehow, amrita?

One day, Zhongli pokes him in the side not thinking he's actually gonna be ticklish. Childe was ticklish.

That day, the feared harbinger squealed like a little girl, brought down by the lightest touches.

Now, Zhpngli has two forms of vengeance

When Zhongli's feeling gentle(Most of the time) he just gently massages the hips of our dear harbinger. Enough to elicit those kinda asmr-ish giggles, yannow, those kinda held in ones? Those, and they are so cuute oml like bucket list-

Other time, massage the hips and give the ribs dragon-tongue raspberries. Childe's gotta have more lives than a cat, cuz hes died sooo many times 💕

In summary: Childe scawy ler, blushy lee. Tyy for coming to my ted talk.

[un-pearable]

okay. s6 thoughts. you can pinpoint the part where my heart breaks right at the beginning of the season

i have to say though i was pleasantly surprised at how decent jay/naya was at like the 2/3rds way point of the season and onwards when its just them. like as you can tell i am not particularly fond of the way the writers attempt romance. but either way all i ask for is that jay/naya doesnt get any more drama. since i can never win with shipping in this series im not counting on it, but a girl can dream.

anyways i think its really kind of weird how all naya wanted this arc was some agency and then she... didnt even get to significantly contribute to ending the djinn. like man the only reason jay's wish got made was because she was dying for man pain. the irony is almost too much. but i digress

i simultaneously like and dislike jay's final wish bc i dislike that nya had to die and also that it undoes the whole season (except for jay and naya for some reason (????? like why does nobody else remember this. actually scratch that ive given up trying to understand how the djinn wishes work)) but i also like it because the way its presented feels like. i dont know. complete? rounded? its really weird. also fun fact im pretty sure i saw the final episode of this season and like none of the rest of it other than maybe the episode where the ninja go to jail. the wonders of cable tv

it is really terribly unfortunate, btw, that the only darker skinned character in the whole show is a rapist. i really dont like that i really dont like that at all.

in other news, zane continues to get nerfed by the writers by things outside his control because otherwise he'd be too powerful. they nerfed him when he took control of the team last season and they nerfed him again with the djinn wishes. i STILL dont understand how he deleted pixal. it makes no sense he just. did that (??????) and they didnt even try to explain

speaking of djinn lore that doesnt make sense to me, i still dont understand why he didnt just marry anybody on his ship and then wish them to be his girlfriend. like idk man that seems so much more simple.

i am also terribly terribly TERRIBLY disappointed we didnt get a "STOP THE WEDDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" like for real what is Even The Point. whyd you even bother doing this at all. the answer is so that we could get jay/naya but man its not even explained how getting married gives him all those powers. just because. the other person doesnt even have to CONSENT and it works ????? somehow ????????? actually speaking of if she doesnt have to consent. whyd we even bother going through all this at all when she gets captured way earlier. man the lore of this season is just a mess.

im not gonna lie i really dont like the fact that zane's dad made a replacement for him. not even like a different kid its literally just zane 2.0 despite the fact that both of them are sentient and, yknow. people. that would, however, be a very interesting subplot to explore re: zane's identity as a robot but unfortunately we wont be getting that bc i dont think this show likes what i like very much. also very sad that the other zane, who is still a person btw, is gonna be trapped in that lighthouse for the rest of time.

also really really funny that old lloyd looks like a garmadon clone. reminded me of something my friend who i am liveblogging my ninjago revival to said like 3 days ago

anyways watch them give lloyd a girlfriend and watch me tear my hair out as the ninjago writers continue to curse me with their attempts at romance. im also like 40% sure a time travel arc is coming up soon but maybe im remembering wrong. guess we shall Wait And See.

also unrelated but i have to say the djinn response to a wish being "your wish is yours to keep" instead of "your wish is my command" is honestly pretty epic. i do love that.

also. a . question. are we.... are we ever going to get back to the fact that jay's bio dad is (presuming hes still alive. well i guess at the point the season leaves off he is but still you get the idea) a world famous actor and dumped his son off at a junkyard despite being fabulously wealthy and then named said son as his heir without ever contacting him (????????????????) please tell me we're going back to that. please. who the heck is his bio mom. many questions no answers.

so, my wishes for the next season: no love drama please i am on my hands and knees i am begging i am pleading no more romance. give me a break dear writers please. um other than that i was talking to previously mentioned friend earlier and i was like "well im pretty sure garmadon is coming back because if theres one thing this show hates its letting go of its cast" and she said that he comes back in an extremely mediocre way and thinks i will be mad so. that. is a thing i am . well i want to see him again but im also not so sure i want to see him again with this new information. so theres that. um i want more team interactions as always. i want people hanging out and being friends. i also want bad alt outfits. im a simple lady honestly

(preface: my infinite apologies for not getting this till now my life is a disaster rn. i am GREATLY enjoying these)

the immediate turnaround.... yeahhh. i'm a filthy early seasons stan and boy does it become very clear the more seasons they get that the struggle between the writer's cool ideas and their ability to execute them is constant and ongoing (and largely losses). im pretty sure s6 had some notoriously bad crunch too and it definitely shows

kudos to them for finally getting their one-on-one dynamic down bc it can be REALLY fun when used to its full potential but the majority of the time nya gets nerfed and its the biggest loss ever. theres so much to do with your deconstruction of the damsel how dare they fuck it up so many times 😔 dangers of an ever growing cast but cmon

i can do nothing but agree with your complex feelings on the ending bc its both incredibly frustrating and incredibly fitting. the racial implications of this show only get more,, concerning. as time goes on so tragically yeah. yeah. fuckin hell lego

zane king of my heart. the cornerstone of the team my tag is loadbearing nindroid for good reason. you are constantly correct

!!! yes!!! the one thing that could have made that entire plot line (slightly) more comedic than uncomfortable. literally nothing about this season has logic that makes sense even within JUST this season its terrible its great.

i can't even comment on the echo zane stuff its just baffling to me they don't ever use it. fucking WILD thing to make canon and then never bring it up again dear god. both intriguing implications for dr. julien's.... everything and completely squandered opportunity to actually get into robot storylines again which are 80% of the reason i watched the show. eternally crossing my fingers that those rumors about the villains are true bc dear god does julien get more fucked up the more you think about him. (preboot) chuck and dr julien are the same archetype stop making connections brain. that is a negative statement they're both well meaning but fucked up. and self flagellating for the wrong reasons

oHHH yeah. the familial symbolism in this series is like a drug to me i can't get enough of it. approaching lloyd and garmadon as the same core traits just with vastly different circumstances... ninjago has fascinating implications for the nature vs nurture debate ill leave it at that

it is!!! its cool as hell.

everything about jay is fascinating to me he has as many bonkers decisions behind his existence as lloyd does only he's supposed to be The Normal Guy so it loops back around. untapped comedic potential in him being wealthy enough to subsidize their entire crimefighting lifestyle but being too traumatized to explain why. the larry butz of ninjago.

[lunatic-fandom-space]

Let's Talk About That Black Butler Live Action Movie That Came Out In 2014

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/147Tq36dpUkPMP6KFBuK4B4R4skpA3Msx

I recently watched the Black Butler live action movie and then I spent 4 days making an english subtitle file for the german dub (which is you can both download from the drive I made) so I made a lot of…. Observations about it that I would like to share.

Before that, Id like to apologize for any mistakes I made in my translation and Im sorry, but I will not be correcting them because Im never watching this stupid movie again. Its bad. Its a fun bad, but if youre like me and you like translating stuff and you wanna make subtitles for a movie please for the love of god pick a movie thats like, good or atleast tolerable to watch more than once in one week.

I'm gonna start off with some non-spoilery stuff and then I'll break down the entire movie in excruciating detail under the cut because there is A Lot. Like with basically all of my long posts, sorry if this gets rambly

The movie takes place in modern times, rather than the 19th century. In fact, the times are so modern that this movie takes place in 2021 even though it came out in 2014. We follow some guy whose name I somehow keep forgetting even after making those subtitle files, it mightve been Kyoharu?? His last name is Genpo and I remember his deadname being Shiori bc thats what all the summaries insist on calling him. Im just gonna call him not!Ciel for simplicities sake. The Genpos are descendants of the Phantomhives, who decided to settle in Japan (or 'The East') at some indeterminate point in the past and are now working as watchdogs for the Queen of Japan (or 'The East') rather than the Queen of England (or 'The West'). Not!Ciel is 17 and his backstory is basically his Book Of Circus anime backstory of him watching his parents get shot in their own manor, minus the human trafficking and the nonce who had a weird obsession with him. He made a contract with Sebastian, who is still more or less the same, shortly after his parents got shot and has just kinda been doing his thing for the past like, 10 years, being the Watchdog, running his company with the help of his aunt.

The actual plot of the movie kicks off when not!Ciel receives an order from the Queen to investigate the 'Devil's Curse', a series of deaths where the victims were "mummified" alive (their bodies started rotting while they were still fully alive and stopped functioning after less than an hour, idk why they say they were mummified). Then the rest of the movie is essentially just that investigation and then they stop a terrorist attack at the very end

Before I talk about my actual thoughts on the way this plot was executed, I want to talk a bit about anime adaptations in general, so Im going to go on a small tangent about the Death Note Adaptations since I watched the 2017 Netflix movie and the two Nippon Television movies from the 2000s for the sake of comparing them to this one.

The Netflix movie is bad, we all know its bad, I dont need to tell you that its bad. And like, there are a lot of things that make it bad, but if you asked me to describe why its that bad in one sentence it would be: The writers had bad ideas that wouldnt make for a particularly good adaptation to begin with and then also executed them poorly. If you then asked me about any other issues, Id say that the writers clearly just, didnt understand the source material and what makes it good.

I would describe the Nippon Television movies as the opposite of that: the writers thought of good ways to streamline the story into something more fitting for two 2-hour movies and then executed those pretty well.

The Black Butler movie is kind of a weird middle ground between those two while still being about as bad as the Netflix movie. Like, its clear to me that the filmmakers understood a lot of what makes the anime and manga good but then they still made all of these weird, baffling changes for no reason?? And also, basically none of them were well executed. 

(Also, idk where to put this but Light's girlfriend's name from the movie is Shiori, which is also not!Ciel's deadname, I thought that was a weird coincidence)

I'll talk about that in more detail when I get into spoilers and stuff though, for now I'd like to talk about the other more 'superficial' non-story stuff (which is also most of what I genuinely liked lol)

The acting is uhhhhhh weird. I will say that Im really bad at judging performances like this and Ive also only watched the german dub (and german dubs of Live Action Stuff tend to have kind of a weird uncanny fake feel to them because its incredibly clear that the words arent coming out of the actors mouths), but it doesnt seem great. I couldnt help but feel like the german VAs were actually doing a better job than the japanese actors at times. Like, it felt like the actual acting was kinda stiff (particularly for not!Ciel and Sebastian, although I have some other issues with his actor as well) but the german voice acting is very idk, emotional?? I have no idea how to describe it properly but it feels like the VAs were putting more emotions into it than the actors, again, particularly not!Ciel and Sebastian. The only actress that I didnt notice having this issue was the one playing not!Ciels aunt (whos basically like the budget version of Madame Red), although she was still unfortunately plagued by all the German Dub Issues, so yea

The biggest saving grace in all of this is Bernhard Völger, who voices Sebastian. He gives the exact same performance here as he does in the anime, which means that I like it so much that I actually thought "hm, this movie wouldnt have been so bad if they just animated it" when I first watched it. Basically my only complaint is that Im pretty sure he never says "Jawohl, mein junger Herr" which is ESSENTIAL. Like, idk about other dubs, but imagine Sebastian never going "Yes, Mylord" in a BLACK BUTLER ADAPTATION. disgraceful

Anyway, while I really enjoyed Sebastians voice, the same cannot be said for the actor. Honestly, I couldnt even tell you if the actual acting is that good or that bad because I just hated looking at the actors face. I dont even know why, its not like hes ugly or anything, but theres something wrong with it. its like if Tommy Wiseau was conventionally attractive. His mannerisms were fine i guess?? Idk, I was doing my best not to look at the movie anytime he was onscreen. Also, why is his hair like that?? Nothing more to say, I just hate it. I also dont like his eyes, they look weird and wrong. Its pretty obvious to me that they didnt use a lot of CGI for this movie (which I actually like, the practical effects were pretty good for the most part, although its clear that they didnt have the biggest budget), so they just had him wear contacts but. they really shouldve touched them up in post, because they look more brown than red, even in close ups n shit. Which wouldve been fine I guess, but its like, a weird, fucked up and evil brown that Ive never seen as an eye color and it just makes him look so much more uncanny. I suppose thats kinda fitting for a demon, but its still really ugly to look at.

Speaking of eyes, while I liked the effects for the most part, not!Ciels Contract Seal Eye was really underwhelming. Like, I get that they couldnt have made it as striking as in the manga/anime bc Actual Human Eyes dont take up a third of the average human face, but. its literally just blue. You can kinda see the contract seal during close ups, but its so faint and its so lame and disappointing and I hate it. They shouldve straight up made it purple, maybe make it glow too, idk man anything to make it look magical/demonic/whatever

Also, this is such an insanely minor thing, but I HATE how they didnt use the anime music for the opening and ending credits. I get it, Monochrome no Kiss is too upbeat for this Gritty Live Action Not-An-Anime-Black-Comedy Shit™, but if theres one thing Ive learned from listening to Youtube Fancovers, its that any song can sound Moody and Dark if you make it a Piano Cover, so yeah. And there was LITERALLY no reason for them to not use Lacrimosa for the ending like cmon. Instead all we got was this stupid generic love song about kissing at twilight or some shit idk man (I mean, I guess thats atleast fitting but man-) 

That being said, I did enjoy the score. I dont usually pay attention to the music in movies, but I kinda did here and Im glad to say that its bc it was good. One moment that particularly stood out to me was this small bit right before the climax kicks in where they have this fancy violin music mixed with this electric synth-kinda music and its just so good, it feels like thats the exact vibe they wanted to have for this adaptation and they just. couldnt capture it. But atleast the music is good, so whatever ig

Thats basically all of the non-spoilery stuff, if theres anything else I'll talk about it during my extensive breakdown of this movie now anyway, so yeah. What Im gonna do now is watch the movie again to check over my subtitles and then describe what happens to you and also write all of my thoughts down here, kinda like a liveblog but more detailed and (hopefully) more coherent. Let us begin.

After the logos, we're starting off strong with some good old White Text On Black Screen Exposition. The first sentence of the movie is "The world was divided into West and East" which is. more funny to me than it should be. Okay so, they do a really bad job at actually explaining this and I had to figure this out via a summary that I randomly stumbled upon when I downloaded this movie, but this movie takes place in 2021 in some kind of alternate universe where, instead of like, the individual continents (and countries? questionmark?) we have in the modern day we have like, the Western Coalition (which is led by a Queen) and the Eastern Coalition (which is led by a different Queen). So thats what theyre talking about here

As we continue with our Black Screen Exposition, they attempt to explain what I just explained, but they never ever specify that this movie takes place in The Modern Day first, so while it makes some sense upon rewatch, its really weird and confusing when youre watching it for the first time. Like, the first movie summary I found did not mention the fact that it would be set in 2020, so I naturally assumed that it would take place in Victorian Times, so when they explain that the Western Nations are led by a queen and that the Eastern Nations are their opposition, I was just kinda like, "Ah yes, we got typical Victorian Era xenophobia/orientalism bullshit right out of the gate, nothing out of the ordinary here", yknow? I was sitting there, thinking "why are these jokers explaining real life political tensions to me like theyre made up fantasy worldbuilding"

Then they explain what the Queen's Watchdogs are and what they do and its like, whatever. I dont like the definition they give here, but Im not gonna into everything that bothers me, otherwise we'll end up with a 100k words long post. Not that it matters, bc not!Ciel basically does the same shit OG!Ciel does anyway: every once in a while, he gets a letter from the Queen thats like "Boy, theres some weird shit going on. Investigate" and then he investigates the weird shit (with his demon ofc)

We fade to a random car radio telling us about how another mummified body has been found in the commercial district. I kinda already talked about how I dont like that they call those "mummified bodies" or "mummies" because Im pretty sure thats not, what mummies are?? But that might just be a german dub thing, so whatever. We also find out that Western Governments have offered their support for investigating these weird deaths, while the Ministry of State Security has yet to make any kind of statement.

Then we start zooming out of the car until we can see a big metropolis in the background and then some text saying "An Eastern Nation" fades in and its so funny. Like, even when you know the weird worldbuilding of this movie, it feels like theyre just being vague for no fucking reason. Its like they made this whole ass movie and then just as they were about to release it some producer stormed in like "NO. GET RID OF ALL THE REFERENCES TO ACTUAL COUNTRIES WE CANT LET PEOPLE KNOW THIS TAKES PLACE IN JAPAN (even though it very obviously takes place in japan)"

Anyway, cut to a dark and rainy street where someone almost gets hit by a car. The guy who almost got hit decides to idk, check on the person inside?? Maybe chastise them?? Either way, it turns out that *gasp* a 'mummy' was driving that car?!!?!? After that little jumpscare, we get to see inside the car and watch a guy's flesh rotting while hes still alive and screaming in terror. We cut to a card on a bloody handkerchief with a spooky image of the devil and a pentagram on it. The screen turns gray scale and white text informs us that the Queen is ordering "someone" to investigate the Strange Mummification Serial Murders.

Smash Cut to the inside of a sketchy warehouse where a bunch of grown men are stuffing a bunch of girls into crates. This is where we meet our boy not!Ciel (whose actual name is Kiyoharu, but its not like that matters), who informs us that those guys cant be human traffickers bc theyre handling their "goods" to roughly and wonders what they need the girls for then via voice over. Not that he'd know that much about this kinda stuff, since they decided not to make human trafficking part of his backstory for some reason.

Hes currently disguised as a girl, but the audience doesnt know that yet and we also dont know his name and also all the summaries call him Shiori and. I'll address the thing with not!Ciel's gender in more detail later, for now I'll just say hes a trans guy and leave it at that

Anyway, the ring leader comes up to him and slaps him around a bit, before asking him who he is and how he managed to get his hands on some incriminating photos. Not!Ciel points out that all the people who turned into mummies were in contact with this guy and asks him about an envelope that appears in all of the pictures. The mafia-esque ring leader guy kicks him in the face instead of answering because of course. Cut to the outside of the warehouse where we get to see a ~Menacing Shadowey Man~ approaching. Its ya boi, Sebastian, entering with Ominous Booming Footsteps babeyyyyyyy

Sebastian introduces himself as belonging to the House of Genpo, our bargain bin Phantomhives for this movie, and we get a really awful close-up of his horrible uncanny brownish eyes before dramatically pulling a butterknife out of his tailcoat. The mafia goons dont know that theyre in a Black Butler movie so, of course, they laugh at him bc this is absolutely hilarious (and its not even the funniest part of this!). 

When one of them pulls a gun at him and just kinda stands there instead of shooting him right away, not!Ciel orders him to kill them. We zoom in on Sebastian's face while he says "Sehr wohl" ["Very well"] and NOT "Jawohl, mein junger Herr" ["Yes, my Young Master"] and i swear to fucking god the fact that he never says it is gonna drive me insane literally why would you bring Bernhard Völger into this if he wasn't gonna sAY IT

Anyway, cue the Action Scene. There are a couple of those in this movie and theyre pretty Sebastian-heavy, so I did my best to not look at the screen which means that I can't actually say much about them. I can tell you that this first one where he kills all these goons with his little knife is absolutely hilarious to me for some reason (probably bc of the actors face, sorry that I keep pointing it out).

The whole thing ends with him doing some bullshit that makes some explosives go off and set the warehouse on fire but not actually damage it.

Obviously the ring leader guy starts freaking tf out and yelling at Sebastian who taunts him for a bit. yknow how it goes, the guy threatens to shoot not!Ciel, Sebastian drops his butter knife and then promptly gets shot himself. Uh oh.

Not!Ciel makes a comment about how he calls Sebastian like a dog which is. okay, so, its heavily implied that the actual Ciel Phantomhive still existed in this timeline AND that Sebastian was still his butler. Does not!Ciel have the same dead-dog-he-named-his-demon-butler-after-thing?? Did he just say that to seem edgy and cool?? Who knows idk why this stuck out to me like this

Moving on, the ring leader guy takes not!Ciel's eyepatch off, talks about how he'll sell him at a high price and asks him about the incriminating pictures again. Not!Ciel, who has been completely unfazed all this time btw, ignores him and calls out to Sebastian. Sebastian lets the guy threaten not!Ciel one more time before rising up from the ground and coughing up the bullet along with some blood, like some fucked up hairball. 

At this point, I'd like to mention that I appreciate the fact that Sebastian can still bleed bc I feel like supernatural hot guys just dont, do that nowadays?? Do you know what I mean?? Like, maybe I just need to consume better and more diverse media lol but I feel like a lot of these Hot Guy But He's Actually Some Fucked Up But Still Hot (And Humanoid) Creature are just. fully invincible now (which is something I 100% blame on Twilight btw). And its so frustrating bc its like, WHAT. IS THE POINT. OF HAVING AN IMMORTAL HOT GUY BE TOTALLY DEVOTED TO ME. IF HE CANT EVEN BLEED FOR ME

Anyway, I just went on a long ass tangent, lets move on.

The mafia guy starts freaking out bc why wouldnt he, while Sebastian and not!Ciel start bickering in the foreground. 

Sebastian's all like "Oh~ it appears that the coat my young master provided has gotten…. dirty" and not!Ciel goes "Yea, cuz you keep fucking around you stupid idiot" wonderful. Also, Sebastian Fucking Around is gonna be kind of A Thing in this movie and its gonna stress me tf out. I mean, yeah, Sebastian fucks around plenty in the manga as well but. Idk it just stresses me out when he does it here for some reason?? Or, well, this particular scene actually didnt stress me out at all when I watched it the first time, but it does upon rewatches, this shit makes me lose my mind. I think it might be bc I have a decent grasp and Ciel and Sebastian's relationship in the manga and I know that Sebastian… well, idk if he cares about Ciel, but he's gonna do his best to not let him get seriously injured. 

But I have to watch this fhvking scene here fully knowing that later on, not!Ciel is gonna get shot and this joker is gonna do FUCK ALL about it, like, ATLEAST TRY AND STOP THE BLEEDING YOU ASSHOLE and. oh god. And then not!Ciel will order Sebastian to kill the person who shot him, but she has this body guard guy who stops him somehow so then Sebastian fights this random ass guy instead of just. following his orders and barely even pays attention to not!Ciel while his life is STILL IN DANGER only to then demonstrate, that its actually incredibly easy for him to just kill the bodyguard guy, like. WHAT WAS THE POINT OF ANY OF THAT

Ugh. But we'll get there when we get there. Before we move on, I did want to say that I do kinda enjoy Sebastian being a little shit in this. Like, I dont give a fuck about not!Ciel, hes lame and stupid, so Sebastian doing shit like this is pretty funny to me when its not, yknow, making my blood pressure spike

Anyway, Sebastian responds to not!Ciel being like "yea cuz you keep fucking around, stupid" by saying "I did what was necessary. Just as you have ordered me to."

This is actually a very subtle setup to some stuff thats gonna be important later. Its stupid bullshit, but I do appreciate the fact that they have the decency to atleast have a setup and a payoff for their stupid bullshit, yknow

Mafia Guy tries to shoot Sebastian who just kinda shrugs it off in favor of telling not!Ciel that he "took pleasure in watching him for a while" and that seeing him being "pitiful and unbearable" while being all tied up is wonderful and that "being so fragile and helpless suits him excellently". Idk if I mentioned this already, but not!Ciel is 17 which makes it. slightly less bad than it could be.

Not!Ciel calls him a cretin, which is already funny in concept, and the fact that its german and he pronounces it kinda like 'crouton' makes it even more funny.

The guy stops trying to shoot Sebastian, who's been slowly menacingly walking towards him btw, since Thats Not Working At All and threatens to shoot not!Ciel again instead. 

Sebastian's smiling like a little shit, asking not!Ciel like "Well :) What do you want me to do >:)", whos not having any of it because these restraints hurt, dammit! but Sebastian just keeps going like "Well :) If I come any closer this guy will kill you >:) Young Master <3" like. ughhhhhhhh Im gonna lose my fucking patience with this guy. Not!Ciel calls him a bastard and accuses him of going against their contract and then Sebastian explains the terms of their contract to the audience with the most shit-eating grin while the mafia guy is just losing his mind in the background and theyre just completely ignoring him.

We also get some stuff about how Sebastian cant eat his soul if he dies in some other way, meaning, if Sebastian isnt the one to kill him, hes just gonna die normally and Sebastian is just gonna. not have something to eat ig. This is kinda gonna be semi-important later and I forgot if this was A Thing in the manga, so Im pointing it out.

Not!Ciel loses the last of his patience and starts getting louder and Sebastian just interrupts him by going "Young Master. … You know exactly.. which words you should use" and. its kinda hard to describe what the vibe is, but if you watch you'll probably see why I thought this was worth mentioning (didnt I say I wasnt gonna get into that much detail earlier-)

Anyway, not!Ciel orders him to save him, we get another awful close up of Sebastian's fucked up eyes, Mafia Guy tries to shoot not!Ciel but Sebastian catches the bullet (?), twists his arm and takes the gun away from him. 

The guy offers to pay him ten times as much as not!Ciel, to which Sebastian is all like "Ah, but Ive no interest in these trivial huuuuuuuman things, for I am simply One Hell Of A Butler™"

Not!Ciel asks him about the envelopes again while Sebastian threatens him with a gun. He doesnt answer and just tells them that they'll go to hell very soon, like ohohohoohohooh how ironic…….. I suppose. 

So yeah, he gets shot dead and not!Ciel goes all emo on us for a moment like "Ive already seen hell". 

Throughout all of this you could kinda see these other girls who've also been kidnapped (and who witnessed all of that shit) in the background, occasionally reacting to stuff. One of them inexplicably has this cross and starts praying bc thats what ya do ig and not!Ciel just goes from Emo to Edgy Atheist in like 5 seconds and tells her that there is no god, that praying won't help her bc no one is coming to save her

Sebastian and not!Ciel go to leave but before that, we get some really baffling, hard-to-describe editing as not!Ciel takes off the wig he's been wearing. 

They walk out of the building, which has been on fire this whole time in case you forgot, like the Cool Guys they are. Cut to the… Opening Credits?? Idk what you would call this Sequence exactly but whatever

We get some weird, but kinda neat visuals here, interspersed with these little flashbacks of not!Ciel's traumatic past that will get elaborated upon later. Also, Sebastian is wearing like, a black robe in this?? Presumably to represent his demonic form, kinda like they did it in the musicals ig but. this is a movie. They don't have the limitations of a stage production, even if their budget isnt that great, they could've just shown little glimpses of his demonic form like in the manga. Yknow, his eyes w/ the slit pupils, his claws, his…. high heels. One of my favorite little moments/panels was during the whole Manor Murder Arc when theyre searching Sebastian's room and Ciel explains that he doesnt ask about his past and he doesn't care, bc he wouldve taken anyone willing to work for him at the time, and they show Sebastian wiping away one of Ciel's tears and/or putting the contract seal in his eye with one of his fucked up little claws, like !! they should've done that!! But whatever,

Anyway, the title screen rolls and then we cut to not!Ciel waking up from what is presumably a nightmare. Then we get some exposition via Sebastian Voiceover, while we get some establishing shots of the manor and him walking around. He interacts with Rin, our bargain bin Mey-Rin, and mentally roasts her for a bit. Tanaka is also there and Sebastian introduces him by saying smth like "This is Tanaka, the steward. There is lemonade in his tea cup." ???? nothing else to say really Im just confused

ALSO Bard and Finnian arent there :( disgraceful.

Moving on from that, we cut to Sebastian helping not!Ciel with his morning routine n all that shit. This is where we find out that his name is Kiyoharu, not that it matters, that he runs the Funtom Company, that he's a Watchdog of the Queen and that he's 17. 

We also get to see that scar on his back from when he was…. not human trafficked, bc that doesnt seem to be part of his backstory. I guess he just got branded by the people who shot his parents for no reason?? Idk they wouldve probably expanded on this in a sequel, but we dont have a sequel, so. yea

I also wanted to mention that not!Ciel appears to bind his chest using bandages, which Ive heard is a really unsafe way to bind, but that's honestly the least of his problems. 

While not!Ciel is getting ready, Sebastian asks him if he had a nightmare, he goes "Yeah, same one as always, whatever". There's a small pause before Sebastian says "Man, wouldnt it be nice if I could stay by your side in your dreams as well" and not!Ciel just goes "Nah, then I'd have to see ur stupid face in my dreams too lol". Sebastian like, leans in?? squints?? Idk what he's doing, but he calls not!Ciel a little wretch under his breath, which is kinda funny.

He distracts him by expositing some more. Sebastian basically just clarifies that thing they talked about earlier, about how he wont get to eat not!Ciel's soul if he dies 'prematurely'. However, that "rule" doesnt apply if he decides to kill himself out of his own volition, in which case he would get his soul anyway. He LITERALLY tells him "If you want to commit suicide, be my guest". wonderful

Not!Ciel assures him that he won't die as long as he hasnt reached his goal while putting on an eyepatch thats wayyyyyy too small imo. 

Cut to not!Ciel playing chess with some guy in a garden. That guy is the secretary directly subordinate to the Queen and also our bargain bin Charles Grey, Charles B. Sato. They talk about the Devil's Curse, which what they call those mysterious mummification murders and we find out that eight people, all diplomats, have died so far and that the most recent victim was an ambassador called Anthony Campelle. In case you couldnt tell from the fact that people call it the Devil's Curse, people think its a devil's curse, so a bunch of important people from all over the world are gonna attend a big christian purification ceremony to… idk, prevent more murders?? protect themselves?? This is an important plot point and I think it works well enough as a Thing in a Black Butler story, but it feels so out of place in the modern day, like they originally had this movie taking place in victorian times but then changed their minds and never bothered to change this plot point.

In any case, he tells not!Ciel that the Queen wants the matter settled as quickly as possible before we cut back to the Genpo manor, where he leans over a table with all the evidence theyve found and Sebastian gives us a quick recap of the case so far: the first body was found three weeks ago, this mummification-phenomenon has repeatedly occurred since then and…… thats it. Cool, very necessary.

Not!Ciel asks Sebastian if he has the power to do that to humans and hes just like "eheheh. who knows >:) I am very skilled at coaxing the juice out of fruits tho" and. okay, listen, a lot of the dialogue I describe here is gonna seem wonky bc Im translating it into english from german, but I can promise you that atleast 6 times out of 10 the dialogue is Just Like That and this is one of those times. Also, I was so baffled by this line when I first watched this, that I had to share it w/ the lads over on discord and while I was typing it into DeepL to translate it my brain went "heh, sounds like a euphemism for a gay blowjob". I have nothing else to say.

Okay, well, aside from the fact that Sebastian is making some orange juice during this scene and while hes saying that hes holding the squeezed fruit and looking at it weirdly

Also, idk where to mention this, but while I was looking up character and VA names for this post, I found out that Bernhard Völger also did the voice direction and script for this movie on top of voicing Sebastian, and I was like what??? wait did he write the script for the anime as well AND HE DID?? like, the dialogue in the german anime dub is good! Its no masterwork but its good!! HOW DOES THE DIALOGUE SUCK THIS BAD. MISTER VÖGLER WERE U PHONING IT IN FOR THIS. or was the original script just that bad???? Idk man, lets keep going

Not!Ciel just kinda moves on, bc yeah, what the fuck are you supposed to say to that. He tells Sebastian to go get the police investigation file about the case and we cut over to the Office for Foreign Affairs at the Ministry of State Security. Some guy called Tokizawa approaches some guy behind a desk, I dont know if they mention his name and I dont feel like looking it up, so Im calling him Desk Guy. 

Desk Guy tells Tokizawa that he's been waiting for him because he wont have to worry about anything with him on board. He makes a stupid unfunny joke and Tokizawa just stares at him blankly before giving him the report on the suspected mafia guys who died in the introduction. Desk Guy (his name is Saneatsu Nekoma but idc) is like "Bro dont come to me, head of the Ministry of State Security, with this petty bullshit, leave that to the police, we've already got enough to deal with", but Tokizawa just keeps going and tells him that, according to eyewitnesses, a single man in a black tailcoat killed all twelve of them. He also shows him like, a button, I think? which has the Genpo coat of arms on it as well as a newspaper article calling the Queen of the Wests intelligence agency into question or smth like that idk. Tokizawa starts expositing and we find out that the Queen's Watchdogs carry out assassinations?? I already mentioned that I have some issues with this movies definition of 'Watchdog', but watching not!Ciel and Sebastian carry out an assassination and trying to like, cover it up n shit would probably be more interesting than the plot we got ngl (thats your cue to spend 2 hours watching Book of Murder rather than watch this movie for 2 hours btw)

Desk Guy is like "those are all just rumors man", but Tokizawa insists that, if this Watchdog does exist, then hes a danger that they need to get rid of, to which the desk guy basically responds with "Nah, we're not doing that". So yeah, he takes all of his stuff and goes to leave, but Desk Guy stops him before he can do that by telling him "This conversation never took place, but… Listen Tokizawa, when you get rid of a watchdog… the owner cannot notice". Then he starts playing around with a lighter while the camera seems to put a strange amount of emphasis on his weird cat head ring and the scene ends.

Im gonna be real with you, this scene is pretty pointless but they do both make like, one and a half other appearances in this movie so. yea whatever

Cut to the Funtom Company Headquarters or whatever that building is, where we see a board meeting concluding. After everyone else left, Hanae Wakatsuki, not!Ciel's aunt and our bargain bin Madame Red, approaches not!Ciel like "Are you so distracted bc of Family Stuff that you cant work properly?" and he has to apologize. Not!Madame Red asks him if he found anything in regards to the Devil's Curse and tells him that she supports him n stuff and not!Ciel is just kinda shaking his and nodding, its very awkward

So awkward in fact, that the movie decides to spare us from the rest of this conversation by cutting away to some exposition abt the Genpo family, which is being told to Tokizawa by. someone, i dont fuckin know. 

So, at some point in time, a guy called Earl Ernest Phantomhive decided to change the name of his famous noble family and settle in The East. I already have some stuff to say about this: I looked it up, and there doesnt seem to be a guy with that name anywhere else in Black Butler Canon (although I hesitate to call this movie canon lol), and they mention that the previous head was the third generation head. Later on we're gonna get a line thats like "The Genpo family has been employing demons for generations" which, to me, implies that Ciel Phantomhive existed and that he did what he did in canon, which means that he had a child and didnt die incredibly young, somehow apparently.

Moving on with the exposition, we get the line "Over generations, the House of Genpo created a huge fortune for itself as toy manufacturer", which throws a bit of a wrench into things, bc it implies that the Funtom Company hasnt existed since the 19th century, which would mean that this movie doesnt really line up with either the manga or the anime canon.

Anyway, next we find out that the previous head of the Genpos got shot dead along with his wife for unknown reasons and that their only daughter, Shiori, has been missing without a trace since then, so, thats….. interesting, for sure. Whats more interesting is that two weeks after the murders, some little boy called Kiyoharu (thats our boi not!Ciel in case you forgot) and this weirdo in a tailcoat (that's our boi Sebastian in case you. cant read context clues i guess) just Appeared, claiming to be the illegitimate child of the previous Genpo-head. Im sure those two things are completely unrelated :)

Also, theres apparently some stupid bullshit-tradition where only a maaaaaaale can take over as head of the Genpos and. Okay. First of all, correct me if Im wrong (Im only on volume 21 of the manga) but I was under the impression that, in canon, the person who takes over as Watchdog is the person who was born into the Phantomhive family?? Like, its still the Victorian Times, so I'd imagine that the sons were favoured when it came to that obviously, but if they could only have one child and it turned out to be a girl, I figured that she would take over Watchdog duties regardless. In the case of the Phantomhives specifically, I guess she wouldnt be able to (officially) run the company, maybe?? Idk what the consensus was about that kinda stuff at the time

Yknow what, I feel like this is about as good a time as any to address the whole thing with not!Ciel being trans. Now, I have a bit of a conspiracy theory about the Doylist reason for all of this, but we'll get to that later. For now, I'll just talk about this from a Watsonian, in-universe perspective. The main thing is just, if he was a cis girl, I dont think he would feel that comfortable being misgendered all day every day. Source: I am a cis girl and if I had to pretend to be a boy out in public for some stupid reason, I would definitely tell all three (3) of my servants to address me by my proper name and title while we're chilling in our big empty manor on our own bc fuck it, I'm not getting misgendered in my own house as well. 

Sidenote but, from what I can tell, not!Ciel was around 6 or 7 when his parents got shot. Do you mean to tell me that these people were perfectly fine letting a literal fucking not-even-a-preteen child take over Watchdog duties and carry out assassinations and investigate these insane ass murders, but GOD FORBID a girl tries to do the same

Anyway, thats basically it as far as exposition goes, we also find out that not!Madame Red always supported not!Ciel as his only living relative and as a custodian.

Smash Cut to not!Ciel hangin out w/ our bargain bin boi, Charles B. Sato in his garden again, discussing the Anthony Campelle Case. He hands him the police investigation file and when Charles asks him how he keeps getting his hands on them and not!Ciel is just like "Oh, you know, the Queen's Watchdog has a rather useful tracking dog of his own" while we get some really subtle filmmaking while Sebastian's feeding a cat in the background.

Charles just sorta leaves after that?? even though its his own garden, presumably. Idk, not!Ciel stands up and approaches Sebastian like "Bro whats it w/ you and cats" and Sebastian responds "They are my only conversation partners" which. ughhhhhhhhhh.

I feel like this is a thing that I see quite frequently in remakes and live action adaptations, where they feel the need to 'explain' a fun character quirk rather than just being like "Yeah, this is just part of this guys personality, no explanation needed". Like, Sebastian liking cats is just a cute and endearing Thing, I dont need any reason beyond that for it to be there

That being said, this is gonna be important later, so you should remember this bullshit

So yeah, they leave and we cut to them driving around the city at night. Sebastian tells us that Anthony Campelle's body will be flown back home tonight, that they will reach some meeting point shortly and that they can probably buy themselves about five minutes. OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO damn I wonder who theyre gonna meet.

They arrive at a theme park, which is obviously the best place to meet some guy to look at a decayed corpse. So yeah, theyre meeting the Undertaker, obviously. It's a tad unclear if that's supposed to be the OG Undertaker, but judging by the fact that his voice is different and they list him as 'Undertaker Jay', Im guessing not. 

We find out that not!Ciel falsified some documents to make sure that the body goes to this guy bc they know that they can bribe him. 

The undertaker makes weird awkward eye contact with Sebastian and then gets paid in… money. and not laughter, which is really disappointing, but I guess I get it, shit like that works in a dark comedy but would seem weird in this thriller-ish live action movie. But still

Undertaker sniffs the money (?) and agrees to let them look at Anthony for five minutes, so they do that. 

They made like, a puppet/sculpture-thingy for his rotten body and I already mentioned that I like the practical effects for the most part, so yeah, I think it looks pretty good. It looks pretty fake, especially upon rewatches, but idk I dont really mind I thinks its charming (if thats the right word lol)

Sebastian and not!Ciel look over the body and pull a piece of a tobacco leaf from Cuban production out from between his teeth. Cool. We get a really weird shot of the undertaker eating a bone-shaped cookie. Idk. Its only been like, a minute at best but our bargain bin Undertaker is all like "Ey ur time is up btw", so they go to leave but before that, Sebastian smugly pulls a handkerchief out of his suit pocket and reveals that *gasp* its got wine stains on it??!!? Insane

Anyway, the undertaker drives off and not!Ciel is so pissed off at Sebastian being so good at his job even though it benefits him too, it's hilarious. He asks him how he knew there was a stain on the back of Anthony's handkerchief and Sebastian goes on this whole explanation tangent where hes all like "Well, if there was some tobacco between his teeth, he mustve bitten the cigar open instead of using a cigar cutter however I can tell that hes a rich gentleman by his suit, so the only reason he wouldve done that, is if he was drunk and if he was drunk, he probably had some wine stains that he had to wipe away". Cool. Wtf is up with rich people man

Not!Ciel begrudgingly compliments him for that and Sebastian is all like "Oh, no, its no big deal and besides, Im sure you noticed the same thing, Young Master :)", to which he responds by being like "Hmpf, tch. And Im sure you know which exact wine it is too >:|" and. he does, it's apparently a Chateau Bonheur vintage '75. Neato.

Not!Ciel tells him to investigate the distribution channels of both the wine and the cigar bc theyre expensive (and presumably rare) brand products

Smash Cut back to the manor, our boi Sebastian's done investigating and tells not!Ciel that the only place where they have that specific wine and that specific kind of cigar together is some high society club. Like the stuff with the purification ceremony, this feels like it would play a lot better if this movie took place in the 19th century bc yknow, theres a lot less people around. It's not a huge deal, but still, kinda takes me out of it.

Another thing that kinda takes me out of it is the dialogue here, Idk whats wrong with it, but it's just weird. Sebastian explains that it seems like a regular Rich People Club on the outside, but they have special rooms in the basement that only selected members have access to, where they like, do drugs n shit. 

Not!Ciel works out that the envelopes in those pictures of that mafia guy were invitations to those special rooms. Yeah, remember those? Bc I didnt but then again, Ive been writing this post for like a week now. And we're only around 30 minutes in, oh boy.

Anyway, he tells Sebastian to make a list of the party guests and hes like "I already did lol" (you might wanna remember that, although its not that important tbh).

Sebastian tells him that he needs a recommendation in order to get the invitation, which is really annoying and inconvenient, but not!Ciel looks over the list and goes "Hm, there are probably some of my aunt's acquaintances on here", which. doesn't really make things any less annoying and inconvenient bc he really hates interacting with her outside of work. 

Sebastian is like "Being shy to too great of an extend can be a disease" and i swear to god, he has the most rancid-without-being-like,-actually-toxic-or-abusive Dad Energy ever while he says it, next thing you know he's gonna tell not!Ciel that "If he can't change the situation hes in, he should change his attitude about the situation hes in" (this is Foreshadowing btw, remember this)

He doesnt say anything like that though, thank god, he just tells him to be confident and graceful as is befitting for the head of the Genpo family. And. oh god, this fuckin moment. So, not!Ciel is frowning bc hes not looking forward to meeting not!Madame Red and Sebastian tells him that thats rude and grabs his cheeks to 'make' him smile. First off, this kinda shit just doesnt play well in live action, it's incredibly awkward. And to make things even worse, he goes "Come on, smile" and it's supposed to be playful, I think?? but its so dead-pan and weird and oh good god, its awful, Berhard, why did you deliver it like thaaaaaat

Not!Ciel slaps him away like "Stop it! Ive forgotten what it is to be happy after that day". Cut to Sebastian looking at him really fucking strangely, while not!Ciel has flashbacks of a bunch of people wearing blank white masks shooting his parents right in front of him and also branding him, but seemingly without the human trafficking stuff as a reason for him being branded, like, thats just something they did for no reason here i guess. I'll get more into that later though

ANYWAY, Smash Cut to the next day in not!Ciel's fancy dining room (?), where he and not!Madame Red are discussing the case while eating some Rich People Bullshit Food and some fancy ass piano music plays in the background. Also, not!Madame Red is being accompanied by this bodyguard guy, I dont remember his name and it doesnt really matter tbh bc he's not Grell or even a Grell-stand-in so why should I care. 

Sebastian is like, preparing/presenting/whatever I forgot the word, the Rich People Bullshit Food and their drinks and while he's doing that, he and not!Ciel exchange a weird look and Sebastian does some strange shit with his face to indicate that he should smile. Not!Ciel starts contorting his face in a weird way in response and Sebastian is like "oh no, nvm this is worse actually"

So yeah, once we're done with… that, we get not!Madame Red agreeing to get him the recommendation. She asks him what not!Ciel is trying to find out, which ??? Th The Devil's Curse?? What else could he possibly be investigating, not!Madame Red??? Idk, maybe this is actually some 1000 IQ foreshadowing or smth.

Not!Ciel doesnt answer and we get a really awkward moment of silence, she tries to alleviate somewhat by being like "You're always silent when it comes to the most important things" and then launching into this thing about how he shouldnt forget that his mother was her sister and how she wants to take revenge too. 

But then, she suddenly has this spasm?? this attack?? seizure??? Idk, she starts breathing really heavily and holds out her hand for her bodyguard to give her this bottle full of white tablet/pill thingies. She takes one and calms down again, we get a quick shot showing that Sebastian is Observing and not!Ciel just goes "I will avenge them" like that didnt just happen ?

Whatever, we just cut to later in the same dinner and not!Madame Red is looking over the list of secret party guests like "Okay yeah, I know some of these guys, getting you an invitation will be no problemo… however, you gotta bring a date". Man, the amatonormativity here is staggering, but we're also in like, Rich People Land so what am I even expecting

Anyway, not!Madame Red asks not!Ciel if he knows anyone who could accompany him and Rin runs over to the table for reasons that arent conveyed well and, of course, trips and its a fucking catastrophe i guess. 

Those white pills get spilled, not!Madame Red knocks a glass off the table but obviously Sebastian swoops in and catches everything, including Rin, who was about to fall down as well. He apologizes for her clumsiness and not!Madame Red is all like "Woaaaaa that was soooooo impressive, Ive been watching you for a long time, yknow :)"

Not!Ciel gets all pissed at her complimenting him and goes "Yeah, he sure is like an extension of my limbs, but Im still the head and he shouldnt do shit without my explicit orders" and ????? this is really, really stupid but it's pretty important, so remember this  

Cut to them arriving at the club, not!Ciel is NOT crossdressing and going with Sebastian here, he's just gonna go with Rin as his date. He like, looks her up and down and goes "Hm. Not bad at all" and Rin is all like "U-Uwahh (〃＞＿＜;〃) Young Master pls dont look at me like that" and. okay.

Moving on, Sebastian is like "Rin, I'm begging you, do not fuck this up" and not!Madame Red hands not!Ciel the invitation. He just takes it but YOOOOOO the wax seal is the same symbol/crest thingy that got burned into not!Ciel's back?!!?!? So, yeah he has a brief flashback and asks his aunt who's hosting this party. Its some guy called Shinpei Kuzo from Epsilon Pharmaceuticals, a company that creates new medicines, so he tells Sebastian to go investigate their laboratory before going into the club with Rin. 

As we enter the club, we are bombarded with a barrage of techno music and colorful flashing lights and strippers and people doing drugs while wearing fancy masquerade masks. Rin, our sweet innocent summer child, is like "Oh dear what is this place??" while not!Ciel just completely ignores her in favor of informing the audience of the fact that the attendees of this party are important and/or well-known personalities from all over the world via voiceover. 

Then he proceeds to notice some guy called Shinozaki, an arms dealer who allegedly does business with terrorist organisations. Hes kinda like our Viscount Druitt stand-in bc hes like, the red herring basically. I say 'kinda' because its pretty hard to tell and like, I get that they didn't want to call him Druitt but come on throw a blonde wig on that man, please

That one guy, Shinpei Kuzo, comes up on this balcony thingy above the dance floor, introduces himself and tells everyone to please enjoy the evening. Everyone applauds and Shinozaki joins him on the balcony thingy before they both leave, which makes not!Ciel go "Aha! Theres our guys!". So then he just kinda tells Rin to stay put and fucks off to follow them. Cut to not!Ciel sneaking about in an oddly blue hallway but then Rin is suddenly right behind him bc Sebastian told her not to leave him alone. He's all like "I dont care!! Gtfo!!!" and tries to push her out of the hallway by force (?) but oh shit! that Shinpei Kuzo guy is suddenly right there! 

Not!Ciel tries to play it off by being like "Heyyyyyyy, I followed you because I really wanted to meet you in person :D" He also tries to introduce himself but Shinpei Kuzo is like "I already know" and proceeds to tell us some stuff we already know about not!Ciel but like, menacingly. 

Rin gets knocked out, not!Ciel asks him what hes doing in a weirdly whiny way but that might just be the german dub, gets punched twice, calls him a miserable bastard  and then gets knocked out. But before he passes out, Shinpei Kuzo goes "Your yapping and howling is useless" and then proceeds to. howl. Then we cut to a black screen and the man howling transitions into a cat meowing.

Smash Cut to Sebastian fucking around with a cat on some stairs at the Epsilon Pharmaceuticals Laboratory Complex. He checks his pocket watch (?) and then goes "I shouldve known better" ?? Idk what that's about.

Anyway, he breaks into the oddly blue glowing lab and has a good look around at all the Sketchy Science Equipment and Mysterious Old Parchment in some glass cabinets. One of them has an open book that has "Grand Elixir" written in it, Sebastian takes it out to read a bit before he shifts his attention to some other cabinet-thingy, but this is one is like, metal and he needs a key to open it (he has one of those circles with a bunch of keys on it during this sequence). 

The music swells dramatically as we get a shot of a bunch of neatly sorted drugs. They come in three kinds: transparent sphere with yellow liquid inside, transparent sphere with dark red liquid inside and flat white tablet. 

Sebastian takes and eats a yellow one in the funniest way Ive ever seen like, listen, if you don't plan on watching this movie, PLEASE i am begging you to look this movie up and go to the timestamp 0:45:30 and tell me Im not insane for thinking that its funny. 

Anyway, its Piss. He ate a capsule full of piss. Idk what its doing at the Illegal Drug Facility, but its there. HAH just kidding, this is but a Highly Amusing Jest of mine and you totally fell for it, probably. We'll find out whats up w/ that capsule soon enough though, dw. 

He also eats the other two types of drugs and then proceeds to only steal a bunch of the red drugs. These are our Chekhov's Drugs, remember them. Then he looks to the side for some reason, where he sees a doorknob (?) that looks exactly like that symbol that was burned into not!Ciel's back, ooooooooooooooo intrigue

Cut to a bunch of unconscious young girls laying around on some tables (?) with a bunch of tubes sticking out of them, it looks pretty fucked up ngl. Sebastian comes up to one of the girls and holds his hand over her mouth for a moment before going "Ah, yes of course. I see" like something completely obvious is going on here. But we don't have time to dwell on that bc theres suddenly a beeping sound effect fading in and we all know what that means: Explosion Time. 

He finger guns at a blinking red light in the corner of the room, says "Ive got you now" to no one, does an adorable little jump and then the lab fucking explodes

SMASH CUT to not!Ciel and Rin laying in the corner of some room, tied up and with burlap sacks over their heads. Idk whats up w/ Rin, but I do know that ya boi not!Ciel is waking up to conveniently overhear an Obviously Evil Conversation between Shinpei Kuzo and Shinozaki. Shinpei Kuzo is all like "muhahahha I can finally show the fruits of my (EVIL) research to you :)" 

We briefly cut back to not!Ciel and discover that hes got a knife in the heel of shoe (?? somehow idk) and he starts cutting his restraints.

Meanwhile Shinpei Kuzo continues to evilly monologue while Shinozaki stays completely silent (remember this). He explains that all the people 'out there' are addicted to the drugs that he created and that he's gonna turn them all into guinea pigs (also, hes evilly fondling a ceramic skull during this scene). I specify 'out there', bc the people he's referring to arent the ones we saw in that rave-strip club, theyre other people hanging out in another room, thats really brightly lit and has a bunch of mirrors. the mirrors are like, those mirrors that are just mirrors on one side but you can look through them on the other side, Idk what you call them.

Anyway, Shinpei Kuzo continues with his monologue like "In a moment, we'll see the most thrilling show of all time" and then starts announcing some stuff to the secret club attendees. The important part is that he supposedly created The Ultimate Drug and its called Necrosis. Hmmm I wonder if that means anything………

Since none of these people know anything about medical terms or ancient greek they just kinda start clapping. 

A trio of white-robed men with pointy white hoods Suddenly Appears and while watching this for the first time I was like "Oh god. There are black people at this party, this is noooooot gonna go well" and. I mean, I was right about it not going well, but dont worry, these guys are NOT white supremacists. 

Each of them is carrying a weirdly shallow fancy glass with exactly one (1) drug on them because rich people are insane. But wait…. That drug, oh my god! Its that yellow capsule that Sebastian found!! One of them waves the capsule around in front of the crowd, who react really strangely but theyre all drugged up and horny so, whatever. The hooded man then crushes the Necrosis capsule while Shinpei Kuzo tells everyone how to take it via loudspeaker: you just breathe it in after its crushed and the liquid evaporates, basically. If that seems like it would be an unsafe nightmare, well…. You're lucky its not commercially available i guess. 

Whatever, they start smelling the hood guy's hand and theyre all blissed out for a hot minute, before…. blood starts running out of their noses. *GASP* you mean to tell me that the drug called NECROSIS is bad for you?!??? One of the people rips the hood off the hooded guy's head to reveal a gas mask underneath and everyone starts freaking tf out right about now. The other two guys also dramatically pull their hoods off at this point. 

Shinpei is being a huge dick and mocking them from the safety of his secret hiding place like "Well, how does it feel when you're ascending the steps to heaven? Is it not more exhilarating than any high?"

And then the weird gas mask guys pull out one of those devil's card because yeah, this is the Thing behind the Devil's Curse, what a shocker

Then we get some important exposition regarding Necrosis: after you breathe it in your nose starts bleeding, then your ears start bleeding, then you start crying blood, your pulse starts racing before you 'turn into a mummy' at last. You have 15 minutes after breathing it in before you start fully dying and the only way you can be saved (and have all the effects completely reversed) is by taking two capsules of the antidote, which is those red capsules that Sebastian stole (if you only take one, you can survive but will likely sustain brain damage). So yeah, one of the guys pulls out a bunch of Antidote Capsules, but theyre obviously not enough so everyone starts fighting over them. 

Cut to Shinpei Kuzo in his hiding place, giving his big speech to Shinozaki thats like "HAH, something something the nature of humanity selfish, something something that room there is representative of the entire world" and its like. whatever, I dont care about this guy, the most entertaining thing he did was howl at not!Ciel and that was ages ago at this point.

Anyway, he gives Shinozaki the chemical formula to produce Necrosis and then acts all surprised when he pulls a gun on him and shoots him dead. Its kinda funny hes like "This is a bad joke o_o" bro this whole movie is a bad joke.

Shinozaki stands up and aims his gun at not!Ciel…. but doesnt shoot him. Instead he shoots that two-way mirror (?? is that what you call them) and then just kinda leaves. It's worth noting that we dont actually get to see his face throughout this entire sequence (remember that)

Rin wakes up and says "Young Master" a bunch of times while not!Ciel manages to free himself from his restraints using that knife he's got in his heels. Also the drugged up dying club attendees are trying to smash the window/mirror for some reason?? Idk. Maybe because they noticed a bullet coming out of it or smth.

He helps Rin up, they escape into the oddly blue hallway and run into Sebastian, whos just kinda standing there, holding a cat, doing like, the Nya Gesture. Yknow what I mean???

Not!Ciel calls him a miserable idiot because yeah, he's just kinda fucking around rn. He tells him to cut the crap while he's just smugly smirking and Im like. godddddd he doesnt even slap him for that, OG Ciel wouldve slapped him for that. Maybe thats why Sebastian keeps fucking around bc not!Ciel isnt gonna do anything about it anyway lol

Smash Cut to not!Ciel giving our bargain bin boi Charles Sato a quick recap of everything. He explains how Anthony Campelle was probably given a cigar containing Necrosis and that devil's card and then died in his car when he lit it and the vapor or whatever was released. We get some flashbacks as he's explaining it, the editing is kinda neat here. 

So yeah, he tells Charles that Shinozaki commissioned the creation of Necrosis and not to worry bc he's gonna find him and. ughhhhhhhhh. Im getting preemptively annoyed bc hes gonna go out basically by himself to find him like, BRO you have a fucking demon, use him for the love of god. Like, he tells him to "take the precautions" or whatever but ughhhhhhhhh. 

Anyway, Rin interrupts them because theres a police officer at the door and he wants to speak to not!Ciel and Sebastian. They exchange a look and. and Sebastian pulls a fuckinh butterknife out of like, the inside pocket of his tailcoat. Cut to Charles completely ignoring this bullshit and telling them that that purification ceremony is today. I was originally gonna go on this giant tangent here abt how it doesnt make sense for them to do that now that case is solved but whatever, they probably just didnt wanna cancel this big fancy ceremony on such short notice idc. 

Not!Ciel is like "ugh, how annoying. Whatever, Sebastian go talk to the police officer, do whats necessary". Remember this. Sebastian sticks the knife back into his suit and thats the end of the scene.

We get a brief shot of like, a train station with a bunch of police guys standing around and no other people whatsoever bc the people of this world are smart and avoid cops. Then we're w/ Sebastian and some unrelated cops in this dark sketchy warehouse-lookin place, but some white text tells us that this is actually the Interrogation Room at the Ministry of State Security. Also, I wanted to point out that, as he's entering the room you can see that he has to duck a little to not hit his head on the doorframe, and I thought that was funny.

The police officer is that Tokizawa guy btw, he's here for his half a scene and he's like "You know… theres an exception for everything. And in this room of the police department, exceptions tend to become the rule" Get it? Its bc cops are corrupt as fuck

(Theres also a bunch of other guys with him and theyre all surrounding Sebastian but idk their names)

Meanwhile not!Ciel is just kinda waltzin around the completely empty headquarters of Shinozaki LTD. He does remark that its strange, so its not like this is some kinda filmmaking mistake

Back to Sebastian n the other guys, he's standing around in some dimly lit room thats probably in the basement somewhere, squinting while our boi Tokizawa kinda circles him and menacingly says "These three gentlemen will take care of you, Im gonna leave brb" and then he tells his Three Guys to "do whats necessary" before going to leave. oooooooooooooooo ~parallels~ 

Theres not really a point to it, but its neat nonetheless.

Right as he's about to go out the door Sebastian is like "Take your time" ??? Idk but it really grinds Tokizawas gears, he menacingly steps towards him like "You wont be this calm for much longer. Believe me you'll be missing me soon enough" and then he finally leaves. 

I feel the need to point out that Sebastian's actor is squinting for, honestly, the entire movie but its distractingly noticeable in this scene. ALSO those three guys are in SUITS and one of them is like "Alriiight, shall we begin with the interrogation" while loosening his fucking tie like hes switching from Rich Private School Student Mode to Violent Delinquent Mode.

Sebastian is like "Oh, we're having an interrogation in the Interrogation Room of the Ministry of State Security?? Thats what we're doing here?? I'm afraid I can stay for that" and one of the guys tries to attack him but ofc he cant bc yknow. sebastian. We get a fight scene thats like, kinda cool ig?? One of the guys gets thrown into a desk thats just Standing There like yeah, thats the kinda thing you need in your dingy basement at the State Security Investigation Room where you Actually Just Beat The Shit Out Of People And/Or Kill Them. 

Let's check back in with our boi not!Ciel whos walking around a similarly sketchy dingy dirty place. Btw he's wearing a top hat here and thats really funny to for some reason. Like, I get that he. actually, nvm I dont get why he's wearing a fancy ass suit and hat when he was presumably just gonna kill Shinozaki but idk, we've already established that rich people are fucking insane, maybe its literally just that. 

Whatever, GUN SHOT.

Not!Ciel turns the corner and theres a bunch of guys shooting (presumably) all the people Shinozaki employed on a tarp (so they dont have to clean up the blood n shit)

Smash Cut back to Sebastian, he's leaving the interrogation room and says "What's necessary has been done, Young Master" to no one and then we get a brief shot of the three guys being dead (?) in the dingy basement room, before he leaves.

Back to not!Ciel, he's trying watch all those people get murdered but Rin interrupts him. He grabs her by the shoulders like "WHAT are you doing here??!?" and shes just like "Ive been told not to leave you alone under any circumstances" like. sure, whatver. 

Two guys come up behind them and point guns at them, oh no. They start like, herding them towards the tarp, so they can shoot them and not!Ciel pushes Rin away and tells her to run and and none of the guys there stop and try to kill Rin, they just keep dragging not!Ciel over to the tarp and dont do anything about her, how sexist of them. Or, maybe theyre actually radical feminists for this. Oh god, no one tell them that not!Ciel is trans, radfems hate that.

But then they dont actually put him on the tarp, they just kinda push him on the naked ground ?? Idk, the important part is that not!Ciel sees that one of the people who got shot is Shinozaki. What???? But. if he shot that other guy at the club (forgot his name sry) and he's dead now too….. WHOS PULLING THE STRINGS. So yeah, ya bois brain starts firing up and he goes "The culprit only added the cards to stage the murders even more dramatically, if he only had the development of the drug in mind, that wouldn't have been necessary" which means that they wanted the attention of the entire world and the best way to do that is to attack the place that everyone all kver the world is gonna be paying attention to: the purification ceremony.

And the reason he didnt kill not!Ciel was so that he would report back to the Queen that Shinozaki was behind it so they could have a scapegoat and also make it clear to everyone that this insanely dangerous weapon is now in the hands of terrorists (bc Shinozaki had a reputation for doing business w/ terrorists, idk if I mentioned that yet)

We get flashes of like, stuff thats happening at that ceremony while not!Ciel is having his little monologue about it and it ends with a shot of a statue of the Virgin Mary holding Baby Jesus and the way its shot/framed makes it seem like theyre trying to draw a parallel between Mary and not!Ciel, but I cant think of a reason why theyd do that?? Considering whats gonna happen later on, you'd think that they would try to draw a more direct parallel between Jesus and not!Ciel but whatever, I didnt make this stupid movie why do I care

Anyway, someone finally tries getting not!Ciel on that damn tarp after they just let him lie there for like, a minute and they do it by picking him up by his fancy jacket like hes a wittle kitten. Rin also finally tries to intervene and they finally threaten her with a gun. Cool.

So, he's on the tarp and one of the guys aims at him, doesnt shoot him even though he has every opportunity to while Rin is being held back (and also not shot) by another guy who also has a gun. And she let's her glasses fall off her face, thus activating her Bargain Bin Mey-Rin Badass Mode. Also, I dont think I mentioned it so far and Idk where else to put this, but they pronounce Rin really weirdly in the german dub. They pronounce it like Reen/Rene bc shes called Maylene in the german version of the manga (i dont remember how she's called/how they say her name in the german dub of the anime, its either Maylene like the manga or May-Rene/May-Reen).

Whatever, Rin saves not!Ciel and they manage to hide behind a concrete pillar-thingy and all the guys are like "Ugh, we cant let them get away, I go that way, you look for them there" as if they wouldnt have seen them hide and as if they couldnt easily get to them??? Idk, who cares, time for a  semi-emotional moment where Rin is all like "I'll distract them, you get the hell out". Our boi not!Ciel is basically completely shellshocked and makes a noise that I wouldve just translated as "???????" in my subtitles if I didnt take this as seriously as I do.  

Rin responds by telling him that she was trained to protect him from birth and that her family was trained to protect the Genpos for generations, which implies that this is one of Mey-Rins ancestors and possibly that the Phantomhives/Genpos like, selectively bred these people for their eye sight which is. normal and cool and neat. 

And then she deadnames and misgenders him and not!Ciel is like "?????? how did you know????" and she just goes on this whole mini-monologue about how upset she is that she couldnt protect not!Ciels parents and how grateful she is to him which. doesnt explain anything but who cares

Not!Ciel runs off, cue Action Scene. 

Im just gonna say that this is the best action scene in the movie but I might just think that bc its the only one that doesnt have Sebastian, so I dont have to look at his face while watching. It ends with Rin falling down after killing basically everyone and she goes to crawl away bc she cant walk for some reason and then we get a guncocking noise, to which she responds by being like "I serve the Aristocrat of Darkness I die with honor!!" but OOOOOOOOOOO speak of the devil, Sebastian shows up and kills (?) the guy before he can kill Rin (even though he couldve easily killed her, like, he had a gun and he was holding it literally centimeters before her forehead, why does no one i this fucking movie just kill people normally jesus) by stabbing him with one of his butter knives, ayyyyyyyyyyyy

Rin is confused and we rewind to the point where not!Ciel ran off and we see what happened to him while Rin was having her Action Scene. He runs outside and gets caught by Sebastian who was just. hanging around outside the building i guess. Im not bringing up how Sebastian is just fucking around bc we're gonna get to the worst of this soon trust me (also he kinda has an excuse here but idrc). The editing is kinda strange here in a way thats kinda hard to describe and everything gets all desaturated, but the movie is already really desaturated and theyre also in this colorless industrial-lookin place on an insanely mediocre afternoon, so its all just gray.

Anyway, then not!Madame Red and her stupid bodyguard/servant guy who isnt even supposed to resemble Grell in the slightest so who cares about him, drive up.

not!Ciel is like "Quick! We gotta get to the purification ceremony!" and shes like "???¿? are you sure". He doesnt answer, we just Smash Cut to him sitting next to his aunt in the car and he tells Sebastian to go save Rin and then go to the purification ceremony, no matter what. Also, he tells him to "Do whats necessary" (REMEMBER THIS)

Cut back to the present, Rin is all like "But… I dont deserve this :'("  and then passes out. Sebastian catches her and goes "Well then, I hope youre prepared for anything". That doesnt mean anything

Since The Climax is about to kick off, I would just like to say that this post is currently almost 12,900 words long. For reference, the public domain english translation of the Communist Manifesto is 11,450 words. We are an hour and eight minutes into this two hour movie.

We get to that bit I mentioned aaaaaaaaall the way back in the non-spoilery part where the music gets really good while we get some establishing shots and exposition about the purification ceremony via radio broadcast. It's being held in the King's Rich Cathedral or some shit and apparently part of the ceremony was that the attendees as well as a big portion of the population have been praying for an entire night. cool. 

Cut to some fancyass church where a priest or a pastor or whatever is reading some lines from the bible about how like, god is good or smth idk you know how it is with the bible. He's reading psalms 56,14 and 57,2 here and its…. ironic?? questionmark??? Idk man

Smash Cut to not!Ciel noticing that hey, we're not actually driving to the church wtf is going on. This doesnt really make sense for reasons we'll get into later. For now though, not!Madame Red just says "No, this is the right way" in a menacingly monotone voice and then points a gun at his head. Its worth pointing out that the car theyre driving doesnt have a roof, so literally anyone could just. see this shit happening out in the road. 

Whatever, *GASP* the gun has the symbol that was burned into not!Ciel's back on it!! Also, idk if I mentioned this, but that symbol was also on the gun that they shot his parents with, so this is probably that same gun. 

Then we get a flashback-shot of Sebastian bridal carrying Rin for some reason as we continue with the ironic (?) bible verses. We get psalms 57,3-4 which is something like "I call out to God Most High, / to God who stands with me" "He sends me help from heaven; / my enemies revile me" like, yeah, I see what youre doing here.

Here's a bit of behind-the-scenes trivia for my translation of this part: I was originally just translating these bible verses like I did all the other lines, but then I decided that it might be better if I look up actual "official" english translations (that are close to whats being said in german) and use them before realizing that thats dumb and now Im just doing it like I was going to from the start. The reason I bring that up is that this line was originally "I call out to God Most High, / to God who takes care of me" which wouldve been even more on the nose somehow

Cut to not!Ciel being lead into some industrial-warehouse-lookin place while we get more on the nose verses, this is psalm 57,5: "I must camp in the midst of lions, / who are greedy for men. Their teeth are spears and arrows, / a sharp sword their tongue." Like, YEAH I GET IT.

There's a big ol' fan here thats like, blowing in front of this opening that lets sunlight in and idk if Im describing that well lol but I just wanted to mention it bc it makes for some neat lighting during this climax.

Then not!Madame Red's bodyguard puts down this suitcase that can only be opened via secret four-letter password (foreshadowing~) while she's pointing a gun at not!Ciel. He opens it and we see that theres a bomb and a whole bunch of Necrosis inside and that its set to blow up in thirty minutes. Keep this mind for the rest of the climax. 

Bodyguard Guy also hands not!Ciel one of the capsules bc hes a moron ig and not!Madame Red takes a picture of him holding it. So then she launches into some Obviously Villainous Reveal Exposition Stuff or smth where she's basically like "Have you ever seen it up close? Ehehheheh no, of course you havent… couldnt see well with that sack over your face, could you >:)" and we realize that *GASP* she was actually Shinozaki during that one scene???? Woaaaaaaaaa

I know Ive been complaining about this stupid movie for over 13.5k words and will continue to complain for many more words BUT Im a sucker for this kinda setup and payoff and this movie delivers on that, if pretty much nothing else

Now is when Bodyguard Guy actually sets the bomb so it actually starts counting down. Not!Madame Red is like "everyone in the vicinity will fucken die and it will be the biggest terrorist attack ever!!" which, to me, implies that this warehouse-lookin place is like, close enough to that church that the Necrosis vapor could reach it or close enough that they could just, get over there and put the suitcase there in under 30 minutes, but if thats the case, why was not!Ciel all like "where are we going" when they had to have gone in the direction of the church??? Ughhhhh whatever, I'll just move on before my brain fuckinh explodes.

She then holds the camera up and tells not!Ciel that she'll bring that image of him holding Necrosis into circulation after the attack, which. sure. whatever. Also, she says that they want to put the blame on her majesty, the Queen, which implies that she's not at this purification ceremony?? I mean, thats smart but still

One hour, eleven minutes and forty seconds into the movie, not!Ciel gets shot. This will not matter, but I am going to keep reminding you.

He falls to the floor and barely even blinks before trying to tackle her and calling her a traitor. Her bodyguard interferes by smacking him in the face with a cane twice, causing his eyepatch to dramatically fall to the floor and reveal his…….. heterochromia!!! 

Not!Madame Red is like "Oh yea, that reminds me… Sebastian isnt gonna rescue you, after all, you ordered him to go to the church right away, didnt you? That demon" YOOOOOOOOO, she knew??? How??? Well, she doesnt really say. She just kinda goes "like many a Genpo before you, you sold your soul to the devil" cool. I kinda mentioned this earlier, but the way I interpreted this initially was that she's referencing OG Ciel and OG Ciel only, and I think thats still the intent, but the other way to interpret this is that multiple of Ciel's descendants also summoned a demon. Specifically, Ciel's descendants who are the Genpos. If you remember that big ol' exposition dump about not!Ciel's parents, they mentioned that a guy called Ernest Phantomhive changed their name and that not!Ciel's dad is the third generation head. So, we have three options as far as Genpos who also summoned a demon and sold their soul: Ernest, not!Ciel's unnamed grandparent and Arihito, who is not!Ciel's dad. Personally, if we're going with that interpretation, I think Ernest is the guy who did it. 

I dont have a reason for thinking that and also it doesnt matter, lets move on

Not!Madame Red is pointing a gun at him like "If I kill you now, I'll have nothing to fear" WELL WHY DONT YOU. istg I dont usually complain about stuff like this, but its so noticeable how everyone wants not!Ciel dead and yet no one ever shoots him even when they have the opportunity to, the only guy that had any kind of excuse was that mafia ringleader guy from the very beginning. 

Anyway, we get a flashback of not!Ciel getting tucked in by his dad as a little kid. He sits on the edge of his bed and strokes his wittle face and it makes lil not!Ciel smile :) Then his mom comes in to be a Doting Housewife or whatever. Smash Cut to a bunch of weirdos with white masks menacingly walking up the stairs and one of them has a knife/sword for some reason?? They do have a gun, but still. 

Then we get a shot of not!Ciel expressionlessly looking at his crying mom, whos been gagged even though she also immediately gets shot, cut back to not!Ciel who has like, iron shackles around his neck and hands and feet, we get another shot of him expressionlessly looking at his dad who got shot in the head and is now bleeding out, another shot of not!Ciel's crying mom, he finally shows some emotion. Not!Ciel from the present day swoops in via voice over to inform us that his parents Were Indeed Murdered and that thats when he summoned a demon, on that day. I might talk more about that later.

For now, we just get some really weird editing and potential Jesus imagery (?) as Sebastian appears and…. carries not!Ciel away or something, idk man

Back in the present, not!Ciel tries to tackle not!Madame Red again and gets smacked with a cane twice. again. He also gets pinned against the wall by the bodyguard guy with the cane and hes fighting back n shit before he just kinda ends up on the floor like "I cannot die!!" and not!Madame Red is like, irritated but still doesnt shoot him like. girl please. 

Anyway, then she walks towards him and goes "You didnt sell your soul to the devil for nothing. But unfortunately… just wishing for something isnt enough sometimes" ??? Who knows. She FINALLY shoots him, hell yea!! but wouldnt ya know it, the bullet doesnt hit.

So yeah, Sebastian just Fucking Appears behind her like "I think you lost something, gracious lady :) May I return this bullet to you :)" Not!Madame Red has a little freak out while he goes to help not!Ciel stand up and not do Literally Anything about the bullet wound in his arm. Not!Madame Red asks him how he found them. Cut back to that scene right before not!Ciel sent Sebastian off to save Rin, if you remember, he told him to "Do whats necesarry" WELL as it turns out, thats some kinda weird fucking code for "Yeah you can to whatever, as long as it protects me" which. What exactly are the terms of their contract??? Bc in the manga "Sebastian has to protect Ciel" is like, part of the foundation of their whole deal, to the point where Sebastian will disobey his orders if obeying would put Ciel's life in danger, but here its this stupid bullshit.

Whatever, Sebastian explains that he found not!Ciel via talking to some cats, so theres the payoff to that. And. once again, how does the contract work in this movie?? And like, to be fair I dont remember this being in the manga, but in the anime its implied that they have some weird mindlink because of that contract mark. Why didnt they just do that I feel like that wouldve made much more sense and fit the tone of this story far better. But I guess its kinda funny or something idk man this stupid movie has destroyed everything dear to me

Sebastian keeps going and explains that hes had his suspicions about not!Madame Red since he was at the lab because the white tablets she has and the white tablets they were making at the lab are the same. Well, he doesnt explain it like that ig, but thats definitely how he found out. No the way he explains it is like "I found a bunch of ancient documents about immortality n shit in that lab and those white tablets" and then we get a flashback showing that he actually took one of not!Madam Red's that she spilled during the dinner earlier (thats another payoff for ya). He explains that the tablets dont make you immortal, BUT it confers eternal youth, which means that it might prolong your lifespan??? ……… idk Im not getting into this. 

Not!Ciel goes "ok…. Whats Necrosis tho??" and its like, a byproduct of the white tablets. cool. We also find out that the white tablets are made from hormones and enzymes that can only be found in living young girls and thats why they were putting them in crates in the opening scene AND why there were all those girl w/ fucked up tubes sticking out of them at Epsilon Pharmaceuticals. cool coolio. 

Obviously not!Ciel is horrified and not!Madame Red starts laughing maniacally like "I KIDNAPPED AND DRAINED THOSE GIRLS OF THEIR HORMONES BECAUSE OF SOCIETY bottom text" or well, because of the traditions of the Genpos, ig. Idk, then she explains her motivations to us, which are basically that she was supposed to marry not!Ciel's dad and even had his child, but then she got attacked, lost the baby and was told she would never have another child. Because she couldnt give birth to a successor they just kinda left her on the streets and not!Ciel's dad married her sister instead. Also, while shes saying all of this we get like, flashbacks showing all of this shit. 

Shes also like "The traditions of the Genpo fjcking suck you even pretend to be a man because of them" and hhhhhhhhhhhh Ive already talked about the gender stuff, Im not getting into it again. What I will say here is that its a shame we dont get one of those "I am Ciel Phantomhive and by my cursed name, I will do this and that"-moments bc that could be pretty helpful in figuring out what he actually thinks of himself, but alas

Not!Ciel is yelling about how his father wouldnt have done that but not!Madame Red just steamrolls right past that and keeps monologuing. We find out that she always has those weird spasms? when she thinks of her sisters happiness but that those white tablets somehow help with them??? cool

That  that moment when your immortality pills made from little girl hormones also help with your rage induced heart palpitations

Whatever, then we get one of the best lines in the movie from not!Madam Red which is: "But at some point I realized that… if I cant have a child, then… I just have to find a way to become immortal!" Nothing more to say, really.

She also directly follows it up with "And when all the people who hold on to these traditions are dead, I will reign and dictate the rules!" Thats a category 6 girlboss moment babey, a bunch of people are gonna die 

And then not!Madame Red tells not!Ciel that she wishes he had never been born and it does not have the same emotional impact like, at all. Like, ughhhhhhhh why did they make it so that she hates her sister? Part of what made the OG Madame Red compelling was that she genuinely loved her sister and Ciel too, and that killing him was the line she wouldnt cross even when she was at her worst but in this movie its just like, yea she shot him in the arm, did you forget that she shot him in the arm btw bc the writers sure did, and she had no qualms about shooting him in the head.

Not!Ciel is about fucking break down crying and we cut go Sebastian whos like "Mmmmmh the nature of humanity amuses me >:)" like cool, thanks for nothing man. Actually no, we get a voice crack from Bernhard Völger when he delivers that line and its funny to me, but other than that we get literally nothing. 

We just cut right back to not!Ciel whos like "Did you really kill them :'(" and not!Madame Red responds "Yes :) I did :)" and his face starts Emotionally Convulsing in anger.

Then we get a flashback that shows us that not!Madame Red let the murderers into the house and that she was taking a bath with milk and rose petals while the murder took place like a #girlboss. We also see that she has a Special Locket thats gonna be kinda important later I guess

Back to the present, not!Ciel yells at Sebastian to go kill her, so he tries stabbing with a butterknife but he gets stopped by *gasp* not!Madame Red's bodyguard guy!! Did you forget that he was there, bc I forget that he was there when I first watched it and when I rewatched it just now, I was like "damn, I dont remember her dying like that and we're also only an hour and 24 minutes in, I wonder whats gonna happen in the remaining 30". But yeah, somehow this random guy can hold Sebastian "The Actual Fucking Demon" Michaelis back except not really?? Idk, I'll get into it later ig.

Sebastian doesnt just kick this joker in the balls and then goes and does what not!Ciel told him to bc we need an Action Scene babey!! 

I forgot to mention this, but theyve all been standing on like, a platform thingy in this warehouse-place and it collapses (?) beneath Sebastian and Bodyguard Guy and they roll onto the floor while not!Ciel calls out to him. Not!Madame Red points a gun at him from behind and, instead of just shooting him now that his demon is distracted, tells us that her bodyguard's body was somehow enhanced by pharmacy and thats why he can take him on ig

You know, I would complain about how in the anime and manga (which this movie seems to at least try to follow somewhat) you had to be some supernatural creature or blessed by some goddess to even have a chance against him and in this movie its just like, a guy whose existence is being sponsored by Big Pharma or smth BUT they actually establish later that Sebastian couldve killed this joker at any time, which means that I'm gonna complain about him fucking around instead.

Like ugh I mentioned this earlier but this stresses me out so badly I just wanna take him by the collar of his stupid tailcoat and shake him around like "SEBASTIAN. SEBASTIAN YOUR HUMAN. PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR FUCKING HUMAN HES GONNA DIE SEBASTIAN WE ESTABLISHED THAT YOU WONT GET TO EAT HIS SOUL IF HE DIES NOW BRO" and ughhhhhh. I get that his soul is probably like, mediocre as fuck especially compared to OG Ciel's soul but hes been at this for 10 years now like cmon. And yeah, 10 years is probably nothing to a Literal Demon or whatever but like, if I was hungry and I took ten seconds out of my day to make a really mediocre sandwich and then someone shot it with a gun and I couldnt eat it anymore, I'd be pretty upset yknow

Moving on, not!Madame Red is like "Can your demon stand against a miracle of god?" which. doesnt ? make sense?? This is so out of context, why didnt she just say smth like "Can your supernatural demon stand against a Creation of Medical Science™?"

Whatever, they keep fighting and Sebastian is lowkey getting his ass kicked which is. man, I dont even have the energy to get that mad at this point Im just exhausted.

A definitive highlight of this fight is Sebastian getting pinned against the wall by Bodyguard Guy in a vaguely gay way. Also, Bodyguard Guy has been fighting with a cane and while pinning him he reveals that theres actually like, a sword inside so thats cool. He also manages to give Sebastian a cut on the cheek despite not touching him. at all. 

They pause their fight so Sebastian can gingerly touch his injured cheek while the bodyguard is like "As far as I know, you need a silver stake to kill a vampire… Whaddaya say, how'd this silver sword taste??" ??? what. I can see why not!Madame Red hired this guy, he also says random barely-in-context bullshit. Anyway, Sebestian responds by being like "Ugh dont compare me to such a vulgar species >:|" and then they continue fighting while some honestly pretty sick orchestral music plays in the background

Not!Ciel and not!Madame Red, who is still holding a gun to his head btw and also he still has a bullet wound in his arm in case you forgot bc the writers sure did, come down from their platform-thingy for some reason. Meanwhile Sebastian's gaining the upper hand and manages to knock the sword-cane out of Bodyguard Guy's hands and starts threatening him with his Singular Butterknife. Like, holy shit, I cannot possibly describe to you how lame this is. Obviously this kinda shit works a lot better in animation but also, theres a reason he uses multiple knives and theres a reason he uses them either like wolverine-esque claws or like throwing knives and not like A FUCKEN SWORD; its because its LAME you need something longer for Sword Shenanigans yknow.

Thank god our #girlboss is there to break this cringe up. She's like "Oh you'll lose her soul if I shoot him dead now dont you" like GIRL you want him dead just shoot him!! You literally have the gun to his head!!! Ugh, #girlfailure. Then Sebastian releases the bodyguard guy, turns towards not!Madame Red and lets his knife clatter to the ground. You know, like a moron. 

Obviously Bodyguard Guy tackles him and he slides across the floor like a wet towel in the wind, gets kicked in the face and almost falls into this Inexplicable Pit thats just there, beneath them, in this warehouse-thingy, but he manages to hold onto a Convenient Railing so its all good.

We get a brief shot of not!Ciel sorta stumbling and holding his arm because the actress didnt forget about the bullet wound even though the writers did at some point. Then we're back to the bois, Bodyguard Guy is picking up his sword-cane, we're immediately back to not!Madame Red being like "AHAHHAHA I wonder if you can kill a devil >:D" She's laughing manically and not!Ciel seizes the opportunity to knock the gun out of her hand and try to punch her and fail bc she just catches his hand no problem. 

BUT not!Ciel smirks :o so shes like "wtf" AND THEN he opens his fist to reveal….. Necrosis. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO obviously not!Madame Red is all smug like "How unwise, because without the antidote youre gonna fuckin die :)" but she reaches to like, a little chain on her shirt and she goes "Its gone!! o_o" Uh oh. She turns to not!Ciel like "DO YOU HAVE IT" and he opens his other hand to reveal a little charm-thingie with two capsules of the antidote. 

We get a lil flashback to when Sebastian first appeared behind not!Madame Red in this warehouse-place, apparently not!Ciel took that opportunity to steal her little antidote-charm and she didnt notice somehow. whatever. 

Cut back to the present, not!Ciel crushes the capsules beneath his boot and goes "And just like that, the roles are reassigned" and. dare I say, thats a #boyboss moment. Not!Madame Red starts nose-bleeding and panicking, so she calls out to her bodyguard guy to give her the emergency antidote capsules or whatever only to discover that *GASP* he doesnt have it either….. Uh oh. 

Guess who has it thats RIGHT its ya boi, Sebastian, turns out he grabbed em while Bodyguard Guy was homoerotically pinning him against the wall. Anyway, he just eats them like the stone cold mf he is.

Not!Madame Red starts freaking tf out while not!Ciel grabs the gun and completely forgets about the bullet wound in his arm, just like the writers. He and Sebastian exchange A Look for some reason?? Whatever, Sebastian turns to Bodyguard Guy like "If you wanna defeat me, do it now" He also does a weird little thing with his hand where he covers the cut on his cheek for a moment and then takes it away to reveal that its gone ?? Idk but I kinda love this moment ngl, so i dont really care. Bodyguard Guy goes to tackle him but Sebastian does some bullshit and then stabs him with his own cane-sword in 10 seconds like, what was the point man. And then he lets his body fall into the Inexplicable Pit. cool. 

Our gal not!Madame Red is on the floor, begging Sebastian to help like the #girlfailure she is unfortunately, but just walks right past her towards not!Ciel. He's like "hey remember the antidotes I stole from the laboratory, here they are so that you dont fucking die" so thats our payoff for those. Not!Ciel just kinda wipes the blood from his nose and goes "I don't need them, you'll eat my soul after this anyway why bother" but not!Madame Red sprints over to him and grabs his shoulders like "NO please I didnt kill your parents!!" and. yeah, but you still let them in didnt ya. Idk, she means like "Oh no, I was just someone else's tool during all of this" and I dont really see how that makes a difference tbh because not!Ciel already knew that she wasnt literally the person who shot his parents dead and he wouldve still considered her dying a suitable revenge or whatever (atleast I think he knew?? Idk at this point). 

We get a flashback of that mafia guy from the beginning introducing her to someone. Apparently she was approached by some organization to help with an assassination and she went "well, I fucking hate my sister so sure thing". cool. Not!Madame Red tries to be all "The head of that organization is the real mastermind!!" and ughhhhhhh Im sorry but why would not!Ciel care? Like idk, imagine if Ciel at the end of the anime, after Sebastian defeated the angel went "ok but we still gotta kill the queen bc she ordered this" like no man, you already killed the person directly involved with his parents death (and the person behind the cult that trafficked and further traumatized him) you dont need this

Whatever, he asks her what the guys name is, shes like "I honestly dont know!!" and not!Ciel drops the gun bc hes a moron ig. Sebastian's like "what are you gonna do now" and. ughhhhhhhhhh he's not gonna kill her as long as hes not sure she's the murderer or whatever. Hes like "young master are you sure. theres only two capsules left" and yes, yes he is sure for some fucking reason. So yeah, he offers her one of the capsules so they can at least both survive, meanwhile Sebastian is burying his head in his hand in the background like boiiiiiiiii same tbh. We get a moment where she thanks him and is genuinely touched and then she SNATCHES BOTH OF THE CAPSULES WHO COULDVE SEEN THIS COMING. 

She starts laughing maniacally and going "I DID IT HOW COULD YOU HAVE BEEN SO STUPID" ya girl is having a full joker moment. Not!Ciel is devastated and asks her if she just lied to him and shes like "Nah, I was telling the truth" like idgaf, if I was not!Ciel I wouldve definitely killed her after this anyway out of pure spite but whatever. Not!Madame Red starts laughing even more maniacally somehow BUT THEN she starts like, choking ?? I think?? Idk

Anyway! Sebastian starts giggling in the corner and its kinda cute ngl, I dont think hes ever laughed like that in the anime. Not!Madame Red doesnt seem to agree though, shes crying blood and being like "you monster, what the fuck did you do". He's like "Oh :) This was just a :) tiny little experient of mine :) I was wondering how a greedy human would act if only two capsules of the life-saving antidote were left :)" and then. holy shit. Then he reveals that those two capsules weren't actually the antidote; they were two Necrosis capsules MIXED WITH HIS OWN BLOOD. 

I mean. at least he finally stopped just fucking around, so thats somethin

He also goes "I did what was necessary just as the young master ordered" and Im like, better late than never i guess. Also, we dont ever get to see not!Ciel's reaction to all of this, he's completely out of frame during all of this. ALSO he still has that bullet wound in his arm did you forget bc the writers sure did.

 But anyway, we cut to not!Madame Red standing in front of those two fans I mentioned earlier and ngl, this shot is actually pretty sick its so dramatic, I really like the music too. We get some flashbacks with her and not!Ciel's dad that we've already seen earlier and she cries an actual tear and it like, dilutes the blood running down her cheek, its good stuff. And then she uhm. dissolves into ashes. Like, straight up Im not lying here, I remember watching this, losing my mind and feeling like I had to take a walk but I couldnt bc it was like 11pm at that point and Ive been watching this movie for over 4 hours. 

So uh. Madame Red? More like Madamn Red bc ya girl is going to hell for sure

We finally get to see not!Ciel's reaction and hes absolutely horrified. He walks over to her remains, which is to say, her clothes and her locket, and he opens it and theres a picture of her and his dad inside. cool. Then he puts it down like some kinda memorial I guess. 

Sebastian goes "Hey we gotta get to your aunts house now" for some reason ?? and we get some more bibles verses, this is psalms 60,13-14: "Help us in the battle with the enemy! For the help of men is useless" "With God we shall accomplish great things; He Himself shall trample our enemies" great. Not!Ciel completely ignores Sebastian and instead turns around to the locked briefcase with the bomb and all the Necrosis, while we get psalms 61,2-3: "God, hear my plea, / pay heed to my prayer!" "From the ends of the earth I call to You; / for my heart is despondent" 

Then not!Ciel starts slowly walking towards the suitcase while Sebastian is all like "What are you doing :( You havent reached your goal yet :|" and he responds "Yeah….. I know…." like ???? Oh god, everything after this is gonna be so fucking stupid. 

Sebastian asks him if he really thinks its more important to save other people when he's slowly dying from Necrosis as we speak and also he has a bullet wound in his arm and is slowly bleeding out did you forget bc the writers sure did. His voice has a very subtle and strangely soft edge to it, it almost reads as though he's in like, disbelief that a human could be that selfless or something ?? Idk, put a pin this ig.

Not!Ciel fully ignores him again and just keeps going towards that suitcase, while a weird sad japanese pop song starts playing very quietly in the background ?? Okay, cool. He tries to crack the suitcase by entering not!Madame Red's birthday as a code and it doesnt work, his dad's birthday doesnt work either and hes all out of ideas ig, so that sucks. Sebastian Suddenly Appears behind him to say "You wont be able to carry out your revenge. Is that really what you want?" while not!Ciel just hhhhhhhhhh keeps fucking ignoring him.  

Honestly, this is kind of power move but I cant really endorse it because its just so stupid and infuriating. Like, you have a demon. Use him. WHY ARENT YOU TELLING HIM TO HELP YOU SOMEHOW THERES NOTHING PREVENTING YOU FROM DOING THAT. Also the fact that Sebastian isnt doing jack shit on his own aaaaaaaaaaaaaa I wanna commit a crime.

So then not!Ciel apologizes to his parents, grabs the suitcase and starts making a run for it while Sebastian looks on after him with a weird unreadable expression AND we get more on the nose bible verses :D 

This is psalm 61,4-5 "You are my refuge, / a strong tower against the enemies." "In your tent I want to be a guest forever, / I want to nestle in the shelter of your wings.", we get to hear it while our boi is dragging himself to some stairs and stumbles bc hes trying to quickly go up the stairs in heels. 

So yeah, he drops the suitcase obviously and hes like, weakened and panting and shit and ayyyyyyyyy, Sebastian's still here for some reason. Not!Ciel calls out to him but he just looks down at him like that 'Pathetic' meme and goes "It seems that I have picked an extraordinarily average master" which. Okay, I'll get into that later. He also tells him that he's not obliged to help him if he voluntarily dies bc its basically like suicide, so theres our payoff for that ig. Also, I guess this is supposed to be the justification for why not!Ciel doesnt just. order him to help, but like, if he ordered him to help, he'd have to do it, right. Right?? Honestly who cares at this point. 

They exchange a weird look before not!Ciel picks himself off the ground and the pop music (which has been playing in the background this whole time btw) starts getting louder as footage of him dragging himself up the stairs intercuts with footage of the purification ceremony. 

And also while hes doing that, Sebastian Suddenly Appears in his path but he just keep ignoring him #boyboss. I can only assume this bit is supposed to be tense or emotional or whatever but its just kinda strange and awkward, which is this stupid movie in a nutshell tbh

So, he finally arrives at the roof of this warehouse-thingy and thinks "wait. THE DATE OF MY DAD'S DEATH" so he enters that as the code and he winds up being right, ayyyyyyyyyy!! So he opens it and *GASP* the bomb is about to go off in 10 seconds, oh no!! Not!Ciel gasps, grabs the bomb, runs up to the ledge of the roof in slow-motion and throws it off just in time for it to explode in midair. Also, the pop song stopped at some point, but I wasnt keeping track of that. 

We get a close up of not!Ciels face and see that he has these fucked up veins spreading up to his cheeks but hes also clearly Not Rotting Alive (or even crying blood!) bc he's gotta stay pretty or whatever. I also wanted to mention that the color grading is really gray here just like that scene outside of the other warehouse place.

Not!Ciel collapses onto his back, breathing really heavily from the sheer catharsis like "I DID IT". Cut to a blurry shot from his POV where we can see Sebastian looking down on him, that lasts for just a beat too long which makes it really awkward, but what else is new. He's all like "To choose death for oneself for the sake of others… Well, that saves me a lot of effort. insert laugh track Under these circumstances, i may take your soul, Young Master" to which not!Ciel responds by being like "Just take it" and honestly yeah, please just put all of us out of our misery at this point man. Sighhhhhhh but before we get that, we gotta have some Vague Philosophical Dialogue between not!Ciel n Sebastian bc thats what they do in Black Butler ig. And yeah, they do have those in the anime and manga n shit but idk. They probably come across better when its animated and also when not!Ciel isnt laying flat on the ground, slowly dying in the most pathetic way. 

Ughhhhhh whatever, not!Ciel goes "It was my decision to take this path" and Sebastian says "You lie to yourself and pretend to be strong. You won't be able to avenge your parents anymore. Oh I really do pity you" and ??? whatever Im this close to finishing this, I'll try to be less nitpicky. 

Then not!Ciel is like "No, Sebastian, YOU'RE lying to yourself" and he goes on being like "You really wanted to watch and experience what it must be like for someone to throw away his life and sacrifice himself for others" and Im just gonna stop right here bc I just realized that he used he/him here or rather, that I translated it using he/him pronouns. 

So, the german sentence (the important part of it, anyway) is "[...] wie es wohl ist wenn jemand sein Leben wegwirft und sich für andere opfert…" 'Sein' is a masculine pronoun, however since we dont really have gender neutral pronouns aside from 'es' (it), we mostly just use the masculine ones by default (they do it in english too, but they have the "option" of using 'they', which is not really something you can do in german). So yeah, this doesnt really put the nail in the coffin as far as not!Ciel's gender goes for me, however, if they went of their way to use the feminine pronouns for this ("[...] wie es wohl ist wenn jemand ihr Leben wegwirft und sich für andere opfert…"), I wouldve been like "Oh thats a girl 100%". I mightve mentioned this before, but like, not!Ciel himself never refers to himself as a girl, its always other people.  

Anyway, lets get back to their Vaguely Philosophical Dialogue. Not!Ciel goes "After all, the feelings of humans seem to be of great importance to you in some way. Thats the only reason youre in this world" okay, lets start with the thing that bothers me for obvious reasons: my brother in christ, hes in this world bc he needs to eat. hes a demon they eat souls shouldnt you know this. 

The second, less obvious thing is YES, human emotions DO seem to be important to Sebastian somehow in the manga too and YES it is an interesting aspect of his character, but whyyyyyyyy would you just SAY that here?? Like yeah, I was able to figure that out from reading the manga, but theres still a level of ambiguity to it yknow?? 

Sebastian does deny it here, but ughhhhhhhh I just hate it man, why do I have to justify myself.

Then he goes "Mindful of their own gain, egoistical, immoral and not afraid to murder: That's what humans are truly like. As I know them." like, I'll get into why this is annoying later, for now I'll just say sighhhhhhhhh not!Ciel is his magic pixie dream girl. awesomeeeeeeeee. 

And then not!Ciel says "I've heard that the devil was an angel at first. But his goals had been too lofty after which he had fallen into hell and became the devil" while we get a shot of Sebastian looking down at him with an unreadable expression that looks vaguely like disappointment, but I kinda doubt that its supposed to be disappointment lol. He also says "But it doesnt really matter" which is the first smart thing he said in this movie, before passing tf out. And I want go make this absolutely clear, he is NOT DEAD, he passed out, alright?? alright.

So, Sebastian looks down on him for an uncomfortably long moment, we get a shot of his closed fist and he opens it to reveal…… two capsules of the antidote :O woaaaaaaa. Cut to a close up of not!Ciel's lifeless-but-not-actually-dead face, then a shot of him just kinda leaning against Sebastian's chest and. oh good lord. so, guess what he does with the antidote. Heeeeeeeeeee eats it ayyyyyyyyyy

Alright, at this point during my first watch of the movie I noticed that I needed to go to the bathroom and that I was also pretty thirsty, so I paused the movie to pee and then fill up my water bottle. I actually needed to go to the bathroom for a while at this point and was originally going to do it after I finished watching, but I was like "whatever, I already know how this is gonna end anyway". Needless to say, I was wrong. Idk, if youve watched this movie please tell me what you thought was gonna happen at this point or if youve only read this post, please tell me what you think is gonna happen next before you keep reading.

Heres what I thought was gonna happen: Sebastian would eat the capsules, then we would get to see the conclusion of the purification ceremony intercut with him holding not!Ciel, we'd probably get some more on the nose bible verses. Cut to a news broadcast being shown in some public place thats like "its been 2 weeks since the ceremony and we havent had any more Devil's Curse related deaths :D god be praised" or whatever and then we'd get a shot of a crowd watching it and in that crowd is *gasp* Sebastian?? And then he'd disappear into some dark alleyway and its implied that he went back to hell or whatever. And the thematic point would be smth like "humans are capable of both good and bad things, of creating both their own destruction and their own salvation but the devil destroys all of that i guess" which. yeah, thats relevant to real things happening in real life, good job on the themes bro. 

But, this isnt what happens. What happens instead is much simpler and also so much worse. Get ready

Sebastian kisses not!Ciel. He's got the antidote in his mouth and he administers it via kiss. ayyyyyyyyyy. 

Here's where that conspiracy theory I mentioned earlier comes in: I think the reason they did this stuff w/ not!Ciel being trans/a girl pretending to be a guy is that they wanted to have this moment. Thats pretty much it. Mainly bc nothing actually comes of the fact that not!Ciel is AFAB and like, Im not one of those people whos like "hurr durr any character whos not a cishet guy needs a justification for not being a cishet guy", however, a lot of mainstream filmmakers do think like that, so yeah. Sorry, I'm having some trouble properly explaining this, I hope you get what I mean. 

The kiss ends, we get a shot of Sebastian's unreadable expression, then a shot of not!Ciel and see those fucked up veins fading away. Then he wakes up. neato. Not!Ciel goes "what did you do?!?" and Sebastian basically responds like "I gave you the antidote dont. dont worry abt it". Obviously not!Ciel is confused because "You werent obliged to save me" like, YEA we KNOW youve told us THREE TIMES, if he voluntarily kills himself, Sebastian gets his soul and wouldnt have to interfere. Whatever, Sebastian explains that taking his soul under these circumstances wouldnt be very appealing, whatever that means, and that hes going to expose it to the darkness for a while longer so that it grows into a powerful black soul. 

MY BROTHER IN CHRIST youve been at this for like, 10 years if his soul is still mediocre its gonna stay mediocre, sorry not sorry.

Also, the way he phrases that kinda implies that hes going to traumatize not!Ciel further in order to like, make his soul taste better somehow, which could be an interesting concept i guess, its just. ughhh, I already really dislike this version of the Ciel/Sebastian dynamic and this just makes everything worse. Also, even if the concept is kinda interesting, we didnt get a sequel so it doesnt really matter, does it. I guess you could also see that as an explanation for why Sebastian's been doin such a bad job at yknow, protecting him, but I just see it as stupid, sorry

Whatever, they exchange A Look and then we get a shot of the slightly-better-than-mediocre afternoon sun over the city skyline. Fade to Sebastian bridal-carrying not!Ciel over to the manor, at least they got that right yknow what I mean? I only really noticed that when I started reading the manga recently, but Sebastian is always just picking Ciel up its kinda funny. Anyway, do you remember the bullet wound, the one that writers forgot about?? well, its been finally bandaged up, presumably by Sebastian. Better late than never, king.

Also Rin n Tanaka are there to greet them, so thats sweet. 

ALSO also, I just noticed this now, but holy fuck, not!Ciel has been wearing so many fucking bead necklaces throughout all of this. 

Cut to an uncomfortably long shot of Sebastian staring directly into the camera as we fade to a scene thats completely irrelevant! Yayyyy!!

So yeah, basically we're back with Desk Guy, do yall remember him? The Ministry of State Security guy that wasnt Tokizawa, yeah that one. Basically, we find out that he has some connection to the guys who killed not!Ciel's parents and its like, sequelbait that doesnt matter bc we didnt get a sequel lmao. The best way I can describe it is, this would be the post-credits scene if this was a Marvel movie which. no offense to anyone who likes those, but literally the only way I can imagine this movie being worse is if it was a Marvel, so thank god its not. 

Smash Cut back to the Genpo Manor, not!Ciel is in bed recovering from almost rotting to death and also getting shot in the arm did you forget that he got shot in the arm btw. Sebastian is standing next to it and asks him what he was planning to do if he didnt give him the antidote in the right moment. Idk, die? He was lying dead on the concrete wtf do you mean "what wouldve been the end of it?"??

not!Ciel responds by being like "idk I just kinda knew you would save me" ?? You have that level of trust in the guy who just kinda fucks around and barely protects you when your life is in danger?? And then he continues like "...If I had ordered you" ?? Im pretty sure this is supposed to imply smth like "ohohoh ehehhe I know you caaaaare about meeee <3 >:)" but my brain is kinda turning into mush rn, so I cant say for sure. 

Then we basically get the exchange they had at the end of the Circus Arc with him being like "Demons suck but humans, including me btw, suck in complex and layered ways, thats why you can never ever betray me, Sebastian!! I order you to!!" and Sebastian being like "Very well" (ONCE AGAIN NOT "Yes, Young Master" Im gonna tear my fucking hair out), except the vibe is so… off. Like, in the manga (and the anime), this exchange takes place in this mostly empty field among the ruins of some workhouse, but here it takes place in not!Ciel's bedroom and it has this layer of intimacy now but bc his and Sebastian's dynamic fucking sucks it feels unearned and weird. Also, Sebastian looks like he just swallowed a bee and that really isnt helping either

Sebastian stares at him for just a moment too long and starts tucking him in. cool. So then he goes to leave but obviously not!Ciel calls him back like "Stay. Until Ive fallen asleep". He's mildly surprised but then smirks and, rather than stand a good two meters away from the bed and loom over him the whole night like some kind of weirdo, sits down on the edge of not!Ciel's bed without any prompting on his part like a different kind of weirdo. Speaking of Sebastian being a weirdo and doing shit without prompting, he starts stroking not!Ciel's face. And. oh my good lord, this. 

So, at this point we intercut this moment with a flashback of not!Ciel's dad stroking his face and it makes him smile so its fiiiiine. its fine. Yep totally. And Sebastian is also smiling/looking at him in fascination ?? and hey, pro-tip: dont. do this. That is all. 

He says "Yes, Young Master… I will always be with you. I promise. Until that moment when your life ends", cut to black, roll credits and play a sad pop song bc this movie is fucking DONE babeyyyyyyyy I just hit 21k words on this post and I definitely have No Regrets about. anything….

AND YET i am not done, because I somehow still have Thoughts about this movie, so here they are, in no particular order:

So, I feel like I need to clarify some stuff about not!Ciel's gender thing yet again, which is that Im not against the idea of having like, a female version of Ciel for an adaptation, its just that, if they wanted to do that, they shouldve just done it, yknow? Like, dont do this "disguising yourself as a guy bullshit" that doesnt even fucking matter in the end and just have him be a girl!! Its fine!! If you still wanted to have some vaguely feminist-esque stuff in your movie (without actually making it part of the story in a meaninvful way obvs), you could have a scene where some stuffy old execs are being misogynistic and then not!Ciel sticks it to em somehow idk. 

Like, not!Madame Red's whole backstory is clearly trying to say something about the way women are like, dehumanized and reduced to baby-making-machines to be discarded if they cant fulfill their One True Purpose, but just feels so hollow bc it comes up for the first and only time like, 90 minutes into the movie, doesnt get expanded upon in the slightest and then she acts completely horrible towards not!Ciel before dying of Dissolving Into Ash. phenomenal. 

Also, not to be That Guy™, but all of that isnt helped by the story itself being really sexist, especially compared to the original. Like, she despised her fully innocent sister until the end huh. And her sister's (at the time) innocent child that, if the movie summaries I found online are any indication, we are supposed to see as a girl. Because of a GUY who was TOO MUCH OF A PUSSY TO EVEN TRY TO STAND UP TO STUPID PATRIARCHAL TRADITIONS. IN THE YEAR OF OUR LORD 2020. god

Whatever. Next I would like to complain about the scene I just described at the very end of the movie, with not!Ciel and Sebastian having that interaction in his bedroom. While rewatching it I couldnt help but be reminded of a scene from a fanfic I read recently (not accusing this movie of copying that fanfic ofc, it came out like 3 years after the movie). It was a longer fanfic w/ like 30 chapters, I only read 24 of them for reasons I shall explain shortly, and it was basically just a series of loosely connected scenes where Ciel and Sebastian's relationship grows from pining into like, love or whatever. Idk, I have a bit of a complicated relationship with Sebaciel as a ship bc Im weirded out by it for The Obvious Reasons but like, it scratches literally all of my itches as far as fictional relationships of any kind go and I obviously wanna read fanfics about that, so I just kinda read them anyway and just pretend that Ciel isnt 13 in them. ALSO im a big fan of Seemingly Completely Emotionally Unaffected Characters breaking down and screaming and crying and throwing up and having to be vulnerable n shit, but the thing is, its pretty difficult to do that with Sebastian specifically bc its hard to traumatize a guy like him (without it seeming out of character I mean), so I guess I'll have to settle on him being vulnerable because of luuuuuuuuv <3 Like, Ive only read one (1) fanfic that did it right and it handles topics that are so intense and triggering that the writer went on a hiatus for the sake of their mental health after four chapters. 

But whatever, Im going on a tangent within a larger tangent, lets just move on. 

Anyway, so in this fanfic theyre getting closer and stuff and theyre kinda worrying about their future in the background bc yknow, Sebastian's probably gonna eat his soul soon. Then, with basically no build-up we get chapter 24, where he carries Ciel off to that bench from the last episode of season 1 and apparently Ciel already completed his revenge at some point so Sebastian is going to eat his soul now. Like in the anime, he sits him down on the bench and they have their little conversation before Ciel closes his eyes and waits for him to start eating or whatever. But… he's not doing anything :o So yeah, he cant do it, he cant eat his soul because of luuuuuuuv <3 and he just kinda. rests his head in his lap. And like, the way Im describing it here does not do it justice at all, I need you to know that I was reading this shit at 2am literally shivering because. oughhhhhhh its just so intimate, yknow?? 

And I couldnt help but think about that while watching Sebastian stroke not!Ciel's face in the movie, because its just so euwghhhhh in comparison, yknow?

Like, okay, I know for a fact that I wouldnt like a scene like the one from the fanfic in the actual manga (atleast not at this point, when we havent really had the buildup for something like that), because Ive read standalone oneshots that were basically just that scene, but without the buildup from the rest of the fanfic and I dont particularly like those. 

However, they still dont feel as euwghhhhh as the scene in the movie because theyre still based on Sebastian and Ciel's manga/anime relationship, which is a very solid and interesting one, while Sebastian and not!Ciel's movie relationship is just so euwghhhhh, yknow?? And, Im gonna be honest, if I had watched this movie without knowing the source material, I wouldve probably liked it, however since I do know the source material Im gonna bitch about it anyway. 

Im gonna have some trouble properly explaining this because I honestly have trouble understanding what they were even trying to do with not!Ciel's character here. Literally, when I finished watching this movie after five fucken hours the first thing I did was go into my discord server and write smth like "I just finished watching [the black butler live action movie] and I just gotta say, wtf was the point of any of that" and its because I was just so confused by everything they tried to do with his character.

Okay so, I guess I'll start by bringing up the 2017 Death Note movie again. That movie takes place in The Modern Day as opposed to the early 2000s like the source material, just like this movie takes place in The Modern Day as opposed to the late 19th century. However, unlike the Death Note movie, which has completely divorced itself from the canon of the source material, thus presenting itself as more of an alternate timeline, the Black Butler is very explicitly a continuation of the original's timeline, featuring different characters (with Sebastian being the only one carried over from the original) which… muddles things in a weird way.

To put it another way, 2017 movie!Light is explicitly a different version of the original Light Yagami in a world where the events of the source material never happened, while not!Ciel is essentially an original character in a world where the events of the source material did happen, except this character is just, inexplicably almost the same as the protagonist of the source material, even though the way they decided to adapt it wouldnt have necessitated doing it that way. 

Like, they could've given not!Ciel a totally different personality and backstory, but they didnt, they kept it pretty close to the original, BUT ALSO they DID change some stuff and that, combined with the fact that the original storyline did happen in the past makes for experience thats like. being gaslit through character writing, basically

And the worst part of it is, that those small changes do sooooooo much to rob this version of Ciel of so much complexity and so much of what makes OG Ciel interesting and unique. So yeah, lets go through those now I guess:

The biggest Thing here is probably the way not!Ciel's trauma is handled and before I get into that in more detail I just wanna put this disclaimer here: Im not gonna be approaching this from the perspective of portraying things like trauma realistically/responsibly, Im approaching this as a writer and someone who generally loves a lot of angst and drama and big emotional reactions to things, because its fiction, yknow? Like, you might as well go all out right??

So, in the original, Ciel's backstory/timeline goes like this: the manor burns down and his parents get killed when he's like 10 years old, he gets kidnapped and trafficked immediately afterwards, gets branded and then he gets tortured by the traffickers for a few months before he summons Sebastian and escapes. The story takes place around 2 and a half years after all of that, when Ciel is 12-going-to-turn-13-years-old-soon.

In the movie, not!Ciel's backstory/timeline goes like this: his parents get shot when hes like 6 or 7 years old, he gets branded immediately afterwards, presumably summons Sebastian immediately afterwards, disappears for two weeks for no reason before coming back with a new identity and claiming his place as head of the Genpo. The story takes place around 10 years after all of that when not!Ciel is 17 years old.

PROBLEM NUMBER ONE, we're following not!Ciel wayyy too late in his story and it just doesnt work at all. (And like, I know why they wanted him to be 17 in this, but really, they couldnt have adjusted the timeline a little bit??) I remember watching that scene where Rin and not!Ciel talk in their hiding place before she tells him to run and thinking "hmm….. something's off here but idk what" and its the fact that not!Ciel is just so fucking oblivious. Like, in the original, he knew that Mey-Rin was this insane badass beast of a woman the entire time, when she starts fucking shit up with her guns its a surprise to the audience, not to Ciel bc he like, personally hired her specifically because she was this sharpshooter with amazing eyesight. Also, we havent really gotten her backstory in the manga yet but she probably has some kinda trauma because Ciel seems to really like adopting traumatized little freaks into his household. 

In the movie though, Rin is just like, someone who worked for the Genpos before and not!Ciel didnt fire her even though she sucks at her job because…. he has a soft spot for her?? maybe??? Idk man. And it bothers me because it kind of takes a lot of the agency away from him because yknow, he doesnt actually have all the information in any given situation. Thats probably why the parts where Sebastian was just kinda fucking around upset me so much, especially when he did all of that bullshit during the climax. Or well, I guess the thing that was upsetting me the most was that not!Ciel barely reacted. A thing about OG Ciel is that he's very used to being In Control, so he kinda freaks out when hes not and that makes sense when you consider yknow, All Of The Trauma, but this joker barely does anything about it and its just ughhhhhhh. so annoying

I just realized that I started that tangent by bringing up their ages and then proceeded to talk about some shit that barely had anything to do with that lol

The age thing is like, okay. OG Ciel is only 13 but hes already acting like a jaded adult and then you also realize that he's been acting like that since he was like 10 and basically had no personal growth since then and thats like, the tragedy of his character. He was forced to grow up way too soon and now hes got that depressed-suicidal "whatever, I dont need to anything except achieve this goal and then I'll just die" mindset and he sold his soul to a demon, so its not even like hes wrong. 

And then you watch this movie and not!Ciel is 17 and he just kinda acts like a (aside from the fact that hes like, a CEO) normal 17 year old would in basically every scene except the very first one where he's totally unfazed by being held at gunpoint and. that sucks. Like, okay, Im gonna put the fact that this movie takes place in modern times and not!Ciel really has no reason not to just go to therapy aside, just say that this sucks sooooooo much of the impact out of his story and move on.

You know what else sucks a lot of the impact out of this adaptation of Ciel's story? The lack of human trafficking. I made sure to point this out at the start of my big summary and you mightve noticed this when I summed up both of their backstories, but not!Ciel didnt get human trafficked here. And I find that to be quite a strange decision. 

Like, in the manga, the stuff that he experienced while trafficked kind of defines him as a person, more so than the death of his parents (atleast in my opinion) and while the anime definitely put more emphasis on it, I wouldnt say his parents dying affected him more than the torture, it feels like more of a 50/50 thing. Theres a reason most of the musicals start with Ciel locked in a cage, surrounded by creepy weirdos, going "God is dead, I want power"!! and NOT with the house being on fire and him stumbling upon his dead parents!!! 

I also feel like it makes his motivations less interesting. Admittedly, I had some trouble figuring out what those were initially because Ciel explicitly says that he summoned Sebastian so he could help him with his revenge but he also explicitly says that revenge is futile and stupid and he wouldnt do it or smth like that. And like, maybe he does think that all revenge is futile and stupid, but he still wants to take revenge on the people who humiliated him for himself, NOT for his parents. 

And then we get fucken not!Ciel in this stupid movie being all like "Im going to avenge my parents" or whatever and its just sooooooo uninteresting man. Also, I just hate it when stories have the young protagonist's entire motivation revolve around their parents (usually their fathers). Its a personal thing and I used to not really mind, but ive been having some realizations about my actual feelings towards my parents lately and the way I deal with that is by mercilessly shitting on every fictional parent from every piece of media I consume. 

Whatever, you might remember that bit towards the end where Sebastian tells not!Ciel that hes extraordinarily average or some shit and you might remember me saying that I was gonna get into that later. It is now later. 

That scene was so weird to me because. its so similar to a scene between Claude and Alois in season 2 and it kinda made me realize that not!Ciel is less like Ciel and more like Alois if he was wayyyyyyyyy way way less unhinged, which is to say he's BORING AF. And ughhhhhhh I dont even wanna go into more detail at this point

Anyway, Im pretty sure I had a little bit more to say but I forgot what it was and I already wrote over 23.5k words about this mistake of a movie and I feel like the points I made just now about not!Ciel's character were just kinda getting progressively less and less coherent bc my brain was kinda progressively turning more and more into mush, so yeah. 

Whatever, watch the movie, its right up there in the google drive, you have no excuse not to watch it and then let me know what you think. have a nice day 

[cassyapper]

jotaro kujo song analysis: “eight” by sleeping at last

i could not figure out what the fuck to title this for a long time. please forgive me ik it’s awkward but it’s the best i got

anyway the song “eight” by sleeping at last made me mentally ill so let’s get into why <3

here’s a link to the song: https://youtu.be/obi4KCh6eHQ

here’s a link to the lyrics i referenced: https://genius.com/Sleeping-at-last-eight-lyrics

be warned there are part 3, part 4, part 5, and part 6 spoilers in this

with that let’s begin.

“I remember the minute;/it was like a switch was flipped --/i was just a kid who grew up strong enough/to pick this armor up,/and suddenly it fit” Lengthy first line to start this on i know but cutting it up didn’t make sense so please forgive me… Alright let’s get to the meat of this hm? This line is about when jotaro first manifested star platinum. “I remember the minute, it was like a switch was flipped” fits perfectly with how suddenly and obviously star platinum became known to its user, as jotaro first manifests it when he’s in the middle of a fight, a fight star platinum ends very quickly and brutally. The “i was just a kid who grew up strong enough to pick this armor up” is about jotaro having the willpower to control a stand such as star platinum and not get ill over it. He “grew up strong enough to pick this armor up”, this armor being star platinum (which, yes, star platinum is armor more than a weapon because its strength is used to protect. This is stated explicitly in the jin hashimoto song “star platinum” which was written specifically with jotaro/star platinum in mind, as the title suggests). It also shows how young jotaro was re the “kid” description; he was only 17, the youngest jojo up to that point. the “and suddenly it fit” also mixes with how suddenly star platinum manifested, particularly how jotaro gained passable control over it very quickly

“God, that was so long ago, long ago, long ago…/I was little, I was weak, I was perfectly naive,/and I grew up too quick.” Another long line im sorry it just doesnt make sense to cut it up 😭 Anyway this is part 6 jotaro reflecting on his past self, PARTICULARLY part 3 jotaro, which explains the “god, that was so long ago, long ago, long ago…” segment “I was little, i was weak, i was perfectly naive” is kinda gold coming from part 6 jotaro cause end of part 3 jotaro is canonically when he’s at his strongest but i dont think part 6 jotaro is talking about star platinum in this line. He’s talking about jotaro being tactless and rude and pushing away his loved aways in a disillusioned attempt to keep them safe. By part 6, jotaro has to have known his coping mechanism of self-imposed isolation wasnt fair to his loved ones/himself and it clearly didnt WORK as evidenced by jolyne’s situation, so he’s cursing his younger self for it here. Hence, the calling of part 3 jotaro “little, weak, perfectly naive.” part 3 jotaro starts making the bed that part 6 jotaro ends up having to lay in and he hates him for it. The “and I grew up too quick” part is jotaro acknowledging his trauma. Even before part 3 started jotaro clearly had issues and they just kept building and building and building from part 3 and on. Combined with his self-imposed isolation, jotaro had to grow up quick to survive, and this line is part 6 jotaro reflecting on that

“Now you won’t see all that i have to lose,/all i’ve lost in the fight to protect it.” Remember the self-imposed isolation i mentioned in the last line? This line is about why jotaro does that. He hates being vulnerable. He hates relying on others. We only see him comfortable trusting others to take care of things ONCE the entire series, during the steely dan arc, when he believes in kakyoin’s abilities to keep joseph safe and get the lovers out of him safely. ONCE out of the four parts he’s featured in, out of the three he’s prominent in. jotaro does this, as i previously mentioned, out of a disillusioned attempt to keep those he loves safe, hence the “now you won’t see all that i have to lose” line. This behavior is solidified in jotaro at the end of stardust crusaders, when the two final times he tried to trust that others would handle it resulted in the deaths of over of half those he cared the most about (he may have gotten joseph back, but don’t forget that joseph did actually die). Thus, this decisive night ties into the “all i’ve lost in the fight to protect it” line. He’s lost loved ones but he won’t lose them again, not in the same way at least. Ironically, the self-imposed isolation only puts his loved ones and himself in danger, but i can get into that later.

“I won’t let you in, i swore never again --/i can’t afford, no, i refuse to be rejected” This line kinda ties back with what i was mentioning in the last line, but it hones it a bit more on jotaro’s complete denial of being vulnerable rather than how he acts to ensure he isnt such. “I wont let you in, i swore never again” is a direct tie-in for how jotaro feels after stardust crusaders; he is never going to get as close to anyone or anything the way he was close to the crusaders ever again. Nothing is ever going to matter to him the same way and he is going to make sure of that, as the “swore never again” implies, because he is certain, at least at first, that this will keep others safe. The “i can’t afford, no, i refuse to be rejected” part goes into how selfish and arrogant jotaro’s mentality is. Don’t get me wrong, jotaro’s self-imposed isolation can be seen as selfless, especially because the main driving force behind it is to keep others safe -- but it’s not the only force driving it. Like i said, jotaro doesn’t want to be vulnerable, and to be sure he doesnt feel that way, he needs to ensure he won’t be hurt. Can’t be sad when people die if you were never close to them, right? So as much as it is to protect others, he also is protecting himself by closing off from others. It’s also arrogant of jotaro to assume he is the deciding factor of who lives and dies, that he gets to choose/manipulate the cycle of life and death by deciding on if he opens up to others. Jotaro had this mentality of being a “deciding factor” shoved into his head during the journey to egypt, and that kinda warps his worldview as a result; everything must be his fault. Things go bad surely because he let them somehow. And it’s not jotaro’s fault he’s ill in the head like this but it is still arrogant, and the “i can’t afford, no, i refuse to be rejected” line attests to this.

“I want to break these bones until theyre better/i want to break them right and feel alive” Oh jotaro you have the shittiest fuckign coping mechanisms Alright. “I want to break these bones until theyre better” ties into jotaro throwing himself into dangerous situations alone. He’s just so so damn convinced he can handle everything himself -- bc again, he is led to believe he is the deciding factor of life and death -- he just has to try. If things go wrong, it’s bc he didn’t try hard enough, hence the “break these bones until theyre better”; jotaro will hurt himself and will be convinced he deserved it until he “learns” how to be perfect like he’s “supposed” to be. But being perfect isnt something you can learn, you mentally ill motherfucker jotaro. anyway “I want to break them right and feel alive” ties into the fact jotaro would rather break his body over and over and over rather than tell his loved ones he cares. The only right way to be hurt to him is taking a hit that was meant for those he loves. Jotaro is very much a man of action rather than a man of word, and this line is about his rather unique way of acting (that is, getting beat the fuck up over and over) Basically jotaro can’t tell the people he loves that he, well, loves them, unless he is literally dying. Examples of what i mean: jotaro preferred going on a perilous, 50-day journey to just telling holly he loved her; jotaro preferred getting beat over the head with a rock in the lovers arc rather than risk hurting joseph; jotaro preferred to literally get blown up by sheer heart attack rather than tell koichi to his face he is a good kid; jotaro stepped knowingly into a trap for jolyne and had to literally believe he was in fact saying his last words before he uttered “i’ve always cherished you.”

“You were wrong, you were wrong, you were wrong --/my healing needed more than time” Oh my GODDDddDDDdcdd im sobbing as i type jotaro your head is so so damn ill Okay so i see him spitting this line towards joseph. Let me explain Joseph would no doubt pick up on jotaro’s ptsd and he’ll do his best to console jotaro over the deaths of their friends. But see joseph is ALSO an ill in the head idiot whose idea of therapy is electroshock and who calls ptsd “shell shock”. So all he can offer to jotaro is “youll feel better in time” because that was kinda true for him; he managed to move on in time. What joseph fails to realize is what made him feel better was not time, but the support of those remaining in his life (lisa lisa, suziq, erina, smokey). But jotaro listens and tries to give it time but the thing with jotaro is he just gets worse and worse as time wears on because he deliberately cut himself off from anyone who could console him (as well as got continually traumatized throughout his life), so time never helped but actually made things worse. Thus jotaro spitting “you were wrong, you were wrong, you were wrong, my healing needed more than time”. In terms of timeline, probably happens right after part 5 jotaro stares longingly at the crusaders picture

“When i see fragile things, helpless things, broken things/i see the familiar” Im sorry every new line i start to analyze i begin crying so im just letting you all know incase the coherency takes a dip (as if this was coherent in the first place lmfao) Anyway so this line in relation to Jotaro is about how he projects HARD on the new generation. We see this w his interactions w josuke and koichi, the “fragile things” (there is no way he didnt see koichi as a filler for kakyoin im sorry. Also he just wants josuke safe with his friends like how he wished he was safe with his own friends as a teenager), how he was wary of giorno, “the helpless things” (jotaro is scared he’ll be similar to his dad, just like jotaro is similar enough to dio to share the same stand power…), and his interactions w jolyne, “the broken things” (angry teen in a prison? Come now). 

“I was little, i was weak, i was perfect too/now i’m a broken mirror” Throwback to the second line. Once again part 6 jotaro is reflecting but the difference here is that part 3 was when jotaro was last unashamedly happy, but more than that, part 3 jotaro was on his way to healing before everything went to shit. like i mentioned earlier, jotaro only relies on someone else completely once, and that happens in part 3. Jotaro is finally able to trust in someone else’s capabilities, which is what he needed to do before he could allow anyone to help him with the weight of the world on his shoulders. Hence, why part 6 jotaro would describe him as “perfect”; because he would’ve been perfect enough if he could just trust in others like that again But as the line suggests, that went wrong. Jotaro is now a “broken mirror,” which alludes to the fact that while he projects onto the kids, the kids (the ones that know him at least) project onto him as well, especially jolyne, because in part 6 she finally figures out her dad’s thought processes, as she is experiencing those patterns of thinking too. Jotaro is a role model for them in the sense of “see him? Do the opposite of what he did” KJ;DNJ;DN;SN

“But i can’t let you see all that i have to lose/all that i’ve lost in the fight to protect it” Same meaning as before mostly but the repetition is important me thinks because it mimics jotaro like frantically trying to remind himself why he must be distant when all he wanted to do was go home to jolyne and be her father

“I can’t let you in --/ i swore never again,/ i can’t afford to let myself be blindsided” This means roughly the same thing as the previous line that’s similar to this, but the “i can’t afford to let myself be blindsided” is less about jotaro’s selfishness/arrogance and more about how he believes enemies will use his loved ones against him and how goddamn, it would work, it would work so well because jotaro loves so, so damn much It’s a shame distancing himself didn’t work the way he wanted it to and ended up making his loved ones even more vulnerable than they would have been otherwise

“I’m standing guard,/i’m falling apart/and all i want to do is to trust you” (Begins screaming and doesn’t stop) okay so this line is about jotaro and jolyne during the beginning of stone ocean “Im standing guard” alludes to the fact that jotaro is still desperately trying to appear distant and uninterested even as he attempts to break his fucking daughter out of prison “I’m falling apart” ties into jotaro failing miserably at remaining cold towards jolyne, how he eventually caves in and tells her he loves her in addition to taking a literal bullet for her, using time stop to ensure he can make it to her to do so. and also this line ties into how he is literally physically shot and how his memories and stand are taken from him “And all i want to do is to trust you” is directed towards jolyne of course. God his whole “i’ve always cherished you” ties in with this line; like i mentioned earlier, jotaro by part 6 knows his self-imposed isolation is useless, but old habits die hard and also he was in very deep by the time he accepted there was no reason to go in the first place at all. So he doesn’t know how to change, he doesn’t know how to trust jolyne, it’d been 20ish years since he last trusted someone completely, but god he wants to. He wants to trust her. It’s all he wants to do hence this line

“Show me how to lay my sword down/for long enough to let you through” So continuing from the last line, jotaro just wants to let jolyne in. he wants to learn how to do that. I think this line is actually directed towards his younger self; 17 year old jotaro managed to let in a person once, after all (more than one person in fact, but all the crusaders). This would also make more sense w my interpretation of how part 6 jotaro calls part 3 jotaro “perfect” in this regard Essentially it’s jotaro thumbing through his memories to figure out how his past self gathered the security to trust in someone else wholeheartedly...which makes the fact that pucci steals his memories particularly fucked up in this context

“Here i am, pry me open/what do you want to know?” Another line directed toward jolyne. “Here i am, pry me open” refers to how after jotaro tells jolyne he cherishes her, all cards are on the table. He’s shown vulnerability, might as well go full throttle. So, he’s willing to talk to jolyne for the first time ever, especially because she’s a stand user now “What do you want to know?” ties into jotaro being willing to open up, but also the fact that jolyne doesnt really know her dad ):

“I’m just a kid who grew up scared enough/to hold the door shut/and bury my innocence” Hhnghg begins wailing this line is again about post-egypt jotaro. A lot of jotaro’s like...emotional maturation (and even some physical) occurred during the trip to egypt and immediately afterward. he’s in pain and desperately trying to rationalize a way he can be in control of never letting something like what happened in egypt happen again, hence the “im just a kid who grew up scared enough” “To hold the door shut” refers to how jotaro cut off other people, even the people who used to know him very well, like joseph and polnareff and holly “And bury my innocence” i mentioned this in another line but this bit also refers to how jotaro had to grow up quickly to survive, considering his self-imposed isolation and his life path of chasing down dio’s remnants

“But here’s a map, here’s a shovel/here’s my Achilles’ heel” This line is SUPPOSED to be directed toward jolyne but inadvertently it is also directed toward pucci. When jotaro says fuck it and gives up on his pretense of disinterest in jolyne, finally letting her know he loves her, he’s finally building the frame of a bridge to jolyne; he’s ready to do what he’s wanted to for so long, no matter how vulnerable it makes him, and that is to be jolyne’s father. However, pucci takes note of this; he knows to aim for jolyne in the final battle because of jotaro’s earlier actions when he tries breaking jolyne out of prison. It really is a shame how the narrative keeps fucking enforcing jotaro’s shitty self-imposed isolation

“I’m all in, palms out, i’m at your mercy now and i’m ready to begin/i am strong, i am strong, i am strong enough to let you in” Hmm i imagine this line being when jotaro meets back up with jolyne after he gets his memory disk back. The first thing he does is hug her and cradle her close to him, showing off to the world, right in front of pucci, how much his daughter means to him. But jotaro, at least for the moment, is not scared to be vulnerable anymore. Ever since he decided to give up his cold facade, he was ready to let jolyne in, and he finally has the chance to do that at least a little right before the final battle, which is what this line is about

“I’ll shake the ground with all my might/i will pull my whole heart up to the surface” Final battle in stone ocean,,, What the “i’ll shake the ground will all my might” line refers to is jotaro’s willingness to use star platinum the world during the battle. He’s ready to go all in to save the world, and most importantly, save jolyne, even if he has to use the source of his greatest trauma to do it. Jotaro’s a key player and he knows it, has known it for a long time, and this time he’s going to use that for his happy ending. And well, as i mentioned in the last line, jotaro’s done with the self-isolation and throws himself into the role of jolyne’s father, at least as much as he has the right to throw himself into. This is mostly what the “i will pull my whole heart up to the surface” line refers to

“For the innocent, for the vulnerable/i’ll show up to the frontlines with a purpose” More stone ocean final battle. The “innocent and vulnerable” jotaro is showing up for are jolyne, namely, but also hermes and emporio, and beyond that, the world. Jotaro understands how serious this is and he’s always been a force meant for protection, so he is here to do just that, which is what the “i’ll show up to the frontlines with a purpose” line refers to. Jotaro doesnt believe he’s a good person -- and he might not be, in the grand scheme of things -- but he does fight for what he believes is right, he always has, he mentions this way back in stardust crusaders during his fight with kakyoin. He’s never going to let injustice stand, especially not when he knows he’s such a key player

“And i’ll give all i have, i’ll give my blood, give my sweat --/an ocean of tears will spill for what is broken” This line actually applies to all the “final battles” jotaro has been involved in; part 3, part 4, and part 6. Jotaro, as i mentioned in the last line, has a strong sense of justice and is a force that first and foremost tries to protect, which the “i’ll give all i have, i’’l give my blood, give my sweat” part of this line refers to. Jotaro gives his all, has given his all, to rid the world of dio’s influence, he ruined his entire fucking life to do so, and this line gives credence to that. “An ocean of tears will spill for what is broken” refers to jotaro mourning all the what-ifs in his life, which are all tied with how the outcomes of these final battles go. If part 3 didnt end the way it did, jotaro would know how to trust still, he wouldve been happy even, maybe he wouldnt have had to sacrifice the rest of his life to dio; if part 4 didn’t end the way it did, maybe jotaro couldve gone home to his daughter, maybe he couldve been a bit of a better dad (this is because kids were involved in part 4 even if they didn’t try to because stand users attract stand users, and jotaro couldnt risk doing that to his daughter, so he ends up never coming home); and now for part 6, jotaro hopes that if it ends just a little better than the previous two, jotaro could at least died a satisfying death of sacrificing himself for jolyne, or maybe even got a chance to try mending his relationship with jolyne if they both survive

“I’m shattered porcelain, glued back together again” So this line speaks to both physical and emotional states Jotaro was physically “shattered porcelain” when he lost his stand and memory and also was shot, and he was “glued back together again” when he got medical attention and jolyne got back his disks Jotaro was emotionally “shattered porcelain” due to the fact he couldnt trust anyone completely since he was 17 goddamn years old but he’s “glued back together again” in the sense he’s ready to finally, finally try and be vulnerable in order to save his relationship with jolyne

“Invincible like i’ve never been” This line hurts so fucking much because i believe jotaro was optimistic, all things considered, at the beginning of the final fight in stone ocean. After all, he knows he’s an important figure in all this, he has his stand disk and memories back, he and jolyne and the others have a plan, and he has a future he wants to fight for in addition to the world’s continued functioning So he feels “invincible” like he’s never felt before because not even during the part 3 final battle with dio did he have the hope for the future he has now. But then. Then pucci brings out the knives. And the man who could control time never had enough in the end. He dies and cant even save jolyne with his death. The world ends. He failed. I think this is perfectly represented with how suddenly the song ends. It just perfectly encapsulates the tragedy that is jotaro kujo and i cant stop fucking thinking about it

thanks for reading all this if you did. jotaro kujo makes me feel mentally ill

[atlabeth]

Ooooo yes to the asks!!! How about: 16, 17, 25, 26, 34, and maybe 35 if you really want to answer six of these from one ask. Lol

thank you for sending this in and fulfilling my need to talk about myself lmaoo im putting this under a cut because it got long but i rlly liked answering all these

16. Any guilty pleasure trope(s)? oh i am a sucker for friends to lovers because i love obliviousness and i love that 'oh' moment ya know?? i also love enemies to lovers and there was only one bed (i blame elle for this)

17. A trope you’ll never, ever write for. i'm never gonna write smut because i just. cannot. so any tropes relating to smut are not gonna happen

25. Have you ever daydreamed about side adventures/spin-offs from your fic? Tell us about them! omg sdfjkhsd yes i have. i already have a rough idea of a sequel planned for ehfar and i think about it all the time. i dont wanna spoil too much of it but its gonna go more into detail with zuko and y/n's relationship after the war because you already Know there's going to be problems. but i mostly just think of chapters i still have to write, my brain isnt big enough to go any further

26. Is there anything you’ve wanted to write, but you’ve been too scared to try? YEs so much !! i planned out and wrote 3 other one shots following the events of 'right where you left me' but for some reason ive gotten really in my head about it and theyre just sitting unfinished in the folder bc im too scared to finish and post them lol. im also (as ive already said) really scared of writing for criminal minds more because the fandom scares me and so does writing the characters wrong

34. Copy and paste an excerpt you’re particularly fond of. im proud of a lot of stuff from ehfar but all of them are like. intense spoilers lol. so this is from the anastasia AU im working on, even though its a sokka/reader pairing, sokka and katara's sibling relationship is also shown a lot because if you didnt know by now, i love them

“Just… go back to sleep.” Sokka opened their shared coin purse and it was all he could do to hold a wince back. He didn’t need Katara worrying about their money situation — he already had too much on his plate. The only thing worse than being poorer than dirt was having to tell her the fact.

Katara was only a year younger than him, but she had a brightness in her eyes that he didn’t want her to lose. His sister annoyed him to no end, but when he heard her laugh or when she bugged him over a trinket she had found in a market stall, when he caught her singing the song their mother had taught him when she thought she was alone, or when she spun stories on the tapestry that was her mind when sleepless nights plagued them both?

It made it all worth it.

Katara was all he had left, one of the last living testimonies to an almost extinct bloodline, and he would do whatever it took to keep her the way he liked her best: alive. Work the shittiest jobs, the longest hours, on the coldest winters to keep her safe.

35. Ramble about any fic-related thing you want! okay i KNOW all i ever talk about is ehfar but thats because i love it. im having a really good time writing it and a lot of people like it which helps lol. its my first long fic and its just really special to me because of that. im so glad i have cool people like you to share the journey with :-)

[goldrushzukka]

1, 2, 7, 8, 9. (Sorry, i know that's like...all of them)

1. what themes would you like to write about that you feel don’t get explored very often?

i love writing coming out storylines. it’s not really that they’re uncommon, i just find a lot of catharsis in them. 

2. what are some common elements of stories you are tired of seeing? what would you avoid writing about?

i tend to avoid writing sibling dynamics bc i’m an only child and therefore not really. qualified. i love reading it though!! 

7. favourite description in your WIP?

it was really hard to pick one so i have a few answers for this bc i love to talk about myself so. (under the cut bc JESUS this got long but spoilers for and i’ll do anything you say (read it here!) ahead!!!)

- from chapter 2:

Sokka looks at him, a fantasy come to life, and takes off his stupid sweatpants.

He throws them at Zuko’s head, and earns himself a short burst of that real laugh, shocked and unguarded.

“You asshole,” Zuko says. He sits up and grabs Sokka’s hand, pulling him down on top of him. Something comes alive under Sokka’s skin where Zuko’s fingers graze his wrist. He calls it lust and ignores the fact that it feels nothing like it.

Zuko kisses him, his mouth still in the shape of laughter, and the alive thing screams for his attention. Sokka buries it and hopes it won’t deafen him before they’re done.

im very fond of this whole chapter (i think it’s probably my favourite? it was definitely the easiest to write) but i really love looking back on this part particularly now that we’re in the angsty part of the story bc this is where it all started. yes technically it started in chapter 1 but this is when sokka starts to fall for zuko. this is the beginning of all those pesky non-casual feelings that he’s going to pretend don’t exist until someone else calls him out on them.

- also from chapter 2:

He’s forty-five minutes late already, and when he knocks, a woman made of pursed lips and sharp angles answers the door. She looks elegant and expensive the same way a skyscraper does. Or a cache of medieval weaponry.

“Oh,” Sokka says, digging into his pocket to find the map on his phone. “I must have the wrong place, sorry -”

She looks him up and down, her eyes narrowed in a way that feels violent and practiced, and her smirk turns distasteful. Sokka risks a glance down at himself, at his torn up jeans - not distressed, just torn - and the Madonna t-shirt he’s pretty sure actually belongs to Katara, and thinks she might have a point. The bag in his hand feels heavier when her eyes land on it.

“Zuzu,” the woman calls into the apartment, “your dinner’s here.”

“I didn’t order -” Zuko appears in the doorway, bitter frustration in his expression as he looks at the woman.

His eyes fall on Sokka, though, and his face clears into a light-pollution smile.

this is technically two so i will start with: i love azula. i haven’t found any room to bring her back yet but believe me i am LOOKING. she’s hot and mean and gay and i LOVE HER. oh also insider scoop but suki’s date from earlier in this chapter.......WAS azula. they probably won’t see each other again because once azula met sokka and connected his face to the Best Friends Forever picture frame on suki’s desk she stopped answering the phone.

pt 2: i’ve had a couple of comments mention the “light-pollution smile” line specifically and i am always so happy to read them bc yeah. YEAH. i’ll admit it. that line HITS. 

- from chapter 4:

He sets his phone down - only, he doesn’t. He misses the table by a mile, and in his scramble to catch his phone before it breaks on the hardwood floor and wakes Momo on the cushion beside him, his hand finds the lip of his cereal bowl, and then that’s falling, too. He manages to catch the phone, but something in his head gets lost in translation on its way down his arms, and he ends up with a boxers-only lap full of soggy Cheerios.

Momo gets a splash of milk on his back and hisses at Zuko for his crimes, and somehow that’s the worst part of it.

haley @fruitysokka said that this passage reads like an action movie and i think about it all the time. (thank u haley i love u)

- lastly this extended metaphor from chapter 6:

The soup is good, once the heat of it clears him up enough to taste it. It’s thick and warm and there’s enough pepper that Sokka gets a kick from it even in his condition. He feels it all the way down his throat and into his stomach, where it mixes with the prickly nervousness he’s feeling from Zuko’s attention.

He sets the bowl down on the table and asks, eyes stuck on his hands in Momo’s fur where he’s climbed into his lap, “How was the date?”

“It was good, actually,” Zuko says. “Jet seems like a nice guy. He’s very - uh - passionate, I guess you could call it? He’s a climate and human rights activist.”

The spines of Sokka’s nervousness turn to daggers.

...

“I said yes. We’re getting lunch on Sunday.”

The daggers are swords now, and Sokka’s heart sinks down, down, down, right to the hilt.

...

“I’ll text you when I’m home,” Zuko promises, and Sokka’s heart skewers itself on a second sword.

Zuko’s smile when Sokka says, “Thank you for the soup,” is a third.

The door closing behind him is a fourth.

The silence as Sokka shuffles back to bed is every single one that remains.

something something canon swordsmen something pride comes before the fall something chivalry fell on his sword from eden by hozier. you guys get it i dont have to explain myself

8. favourite dialogue in your WIP?

ok so i cant share my actual favourite dialogue bc it's a spoiler for chapter 8 and i technically haven't written it yet (it's in my brain just.....plaguing me) but it's GOOD i SWEAR so. once again i have more than one answer bc actually? i love this fic and im proud of it. deal with it.

- from chapter 1:

“Hey, stranger,” Sokka says, still watching him in the mirror. The corner of Zuko’s mouth ticks up.

“You’re not following me, are you?” Zuko’s tone is seductive, endlessly so, and Sokka wonders while he dries his hands if he has to put it on or if he just sounds like that.

“You give a guy one compliment and he thinks you’re stalking him,” Sokka mutters, and Zuko laughs, low and enticing. Not the genuine, endearing laugh of this morning, but one with an agenda.

Well. Sokka always likes a plan.

“Are you following me? ” Sokka asks. He spies a miraculous dry patch on the sink bank and tries to be casual about the way he hops up to sit on it.

“I might be,” Zuko says, and at Sokka’s raised eyebrow, he continues, “I saw you at the bar and I wanted to talk to you. Sue me.”

“You wanted to talk.”

“Amongst other things.”

as a chronically awkward person i am INSANELY proud of the flirting in this fic. no idea if it would work in a real life situation. excited to never find out bc im not about to use lines from my fanfiction on real women. 

- from chapter 2

“You must be Suki,” Zuko says. He meets her gaze, and his fingers go still under Momo’s chin.

“And you’re Zuko,” Suki replies, her smile all different shades of intimidating. “I’d shake your hand, but I know where it’s just been.”

i wrote this entire scene just so i could have suki say this. im not even joking. suki is my favourite part of this entire fic and its not even ABOUT her.

- from chapter 3:

When Sokka crosses the room and slips under the covers beside him, Zuko says, “I can leave, if you want. I can go home.”

...

He asks, still barely hovering over Zuko, “What if I don’t want that?”

Zuko swallows. “I can stay.”

“So stay,” Sokka says, and lays his head down on Zuko’s chest.

i just think it’s sweet. i like it a lot. makes my heart hurt a little when i think about it. 

- from chapter 4:

[Suki // 15:13] there is a LOT of chmpagrjn

[Suki // 15:13] cahpmhagne

[Suki // 15:13] chsanpghn

[Suki // 15:14] alcohol :)

once again: suki is the best part of this whole fic. i love her so much. she is the reason the word bestie exists. im really proud of the texting in this fic bc it’s my first time actually including it in fic and it’s turned out really well!!

- ok last one bc i just realised this is turning into a novel. from chapter 4:

“How’s my baby?”

Zuko glances down at Momo, batting at the untied laces of his shoes with one determined paw. “He’s doing just fine.”

“And how’s Momo?”

“He’s - what?”

are there better written, more narratively important and emotive lines in this fic? yes. is this the best part of the entire thing? also yes. i invented the jin/yue wedding because i needed a reason for zuko to have a key in what became chapter 6, but sometimes i think the entire fic exists just for this exchange. best dialogue i have ever written.

9. what scene was the hardest for you to write and why?

the start of chapter 6 of aidays was difficult. i kept wanting to skip ahead to the meaty parts - i.e, zuko and his soup - but i didn’t want to do sokka a disservice like that. it was also really hard to maintain the balance of accurately describing the delirium of illness while still being coherent for the reader? so that took me a couple of days to get right.

[mousehole5000]

wow i made this draft on november 1st i really took a break from this huh anyway tgcf chapters 121 - 142

i realize now this coffin scene was inevitable. feel kinda weird about hua cheng  back and forth from Teen to Big Man but it is very funny that theyre having their “dude dont look at my boner” moment while in the jaws of a water dragon

pei ming: why didnt you guys make a bigger coffin so you didnt have to squish together like that? xie lian: haha yep!! anyways what brings you here?

“In the grand, spacious centre of the entrance hall sat a person. And this person, dressed in all black, its face snow-white—was a corpse! Instantly Xie Lian shut the doors soundly.” - king of minding his own business.

okay this is where i stopped putting notes here for a while but i did save some in my e-reader so here’s some of the highlights

“Guzi used to have a good sleeping form, but perhaps with his cheap dad’s bad influence, now he was also spread out on top of Qi Rong’s stomach like a dead fish. Lang Ying himself was curled neatly in the corner, and was covered by a few shirts. Xie Lian lifted the blanket covering Qi Rong, suppressed the urge to smother his face, and covered the two small children.” - xie lian funny moments. also it would be really funny if qi rong redeems himself by learning love through these misfit chiildren and it might actually endear me to him but i hope that doesnt happen

Every heavenly official was yelling, and even Ling Wen was throwing a fit. “DON’T THROW EVERY BIT OF USELESS INFORMATION MY WAY, HOW MUCH DO YOU THINK I HAVE TO GO THROUGH EVERY DAY? DON’T YOU ALL KNOW TO USE YOUR BRAINS A LITTLE BEFORE ASKING ME?!” - ling wen marry me right now

“An expression like “seen a ghost” that only mortals experienced was now showing on his face for the first time. Shi Wudu’s pupils shrank to the smallest they could, and he blurted, “You’re still alive?!” “I’m dead!” He Xuan said coldly.” - okay everythings going tits up rn but i did laugh

i did see spoilers re: ming yi/he xuan reveal + shi wudu’s fate beforehand so i dont have a genuine reaction other than oh shit

“He slowly enunciated each word. “I won’t touch your fate. But, here in this place, chop off your brother’s head for me.”  CLANG! He threw a rusty blade onto the ground. Shi Qingxuan stared at that blade, his eyes wide. He Xuan continued, “Then, never show yourself before me again, and I will pretend you’ve never existed in this world.” - okay idk what else is going to happen but rn im concerned that this is like the 2nd biggest ship. i guess we’ll see?? i mean i am really curious whats going to happen to them. shi qingxuan keeps calling he xuan “ming-xiong” and i... sad

shi wudu im not really invested in you as a character but these next two bits... interesting

“If I don’t die but have nothing, then that’s truly a fate worse than death. If I’m not the Water God, I can’t take care of you. I won’t even be able to protect myself. I’m scared that we won’t even last two days…TAKE IT!” - damn. something about the wealthy losing everything and not knowing how to live without it bc thats their entire life and identity

“EVERYTHING I HAVE TODAY, I FOUGHT FOR MYSELF. I WILL FIGHT FOR WHAT I DON’T HAVE. I WILL CHANGE FATE I DON’T POSSESS. MY FATE IS UP TO ME AND NOT THE HEAVENS!” - okay so the whole committing spiritual fraud by tormenting a man and his family to get your brother a cushy title thing aside this was kind of badass. heretical? possibly. but still. also is he intentionally riling up he xuan so sqx doesnt have to kill him? if so damn...

also okay as long as im here im just gonna say it. the choice that he xuan gives shi qingxuan is fucking brutal but i actually think its probably as fair as it could be. sqx didnt know about or participate in what happened to hx but they did benefit from it greatly while hx lost EVERYTHING and i can understand he xuan’s thinking of “if you really feel bad for what happened to me then you have to make a sacrifice and understand the suffering and this is as clean as its going to get” and theres a bit where sqx is trying to beg for mercy but cant get the words out which im guessing is bc theres no good argument!! what happened was fucked up!!

“When Pei Ming saw that reinforcements had arrived, he didn’t appear particularly delighted; instead he threw the sword into the ground, then rubbed his nose and said, sounding grim, “You all just had to come just as I finished making these, what the heck.” - pei ming making coffins chopping down trees with his sword i love it #wastehistime2k17

“Xie Lian brought that basket of eggs along, and gave them away as souvenirs from the mortal realm. Many who received the eggs were overjoyed; some deciding to eat it along with their own blood, and some proclaiming they would hatch an eight-foot monster.” - GHOST CITY GHOST CITY

“Placing the brush down, he blew lightly at the ink and smiled. “If I like something, then my heart will not have room for any other, and I’ll always treasure it. A thousand times, a million times, no matter how many years, this will not change. This poem is the same." - thats nice and all but king... get therapy. i actually have further thoughts but tbh i dont want to put them into words bc they are simply too personal! moving on

didnt take any notes but somewhere in here was the bit with mount tong’lu opening and hua cheng losing it and kind of um. hm. that scene. thats another trope i really hate tbh i dont care for it as a way of including physical intimacy between characters and idk if it really ever adds anything but whatever moving on

The Half-Maquillage Woman - kind of interesting monster idea bc women and aging…. yeah. however i think this would be a lot stronger if there were a) more girls and this was b) discussed or illustrated at all prior to this moment. still interesting that its included knowing the author is a woman tho and there’s been comments on how ling wen is perceived vs pei ming. this book does keep giving me hope for interesting female character arcs i really want it to deliver something

quan yizhen..... i get u

lmao i have a note on a bit with lang ying that says “please dont be hc in disguise” and..... my clown nose was on but at least i knew that. for real this is bothering me how much he’s just. always. there. i know he’s a lead but we didn’t really need him around for a lot of this. oh well.  okay now to my current notes

“Yet it was precisely because it wasn’t cooked that it had to be eaten quickly. Once Xie Lian cooked it, it wouldn’t be edible anymore” - fucking fantastic

“Xie Lian hugged his belly. “Of course! Only after having met you did I rediscover that it’s such a simple thing to be happy, hahaha…” Hearing this, Hua Cheng blinked. Xie Lian’s laughter quieted a bit, realizing what he just said was a little too revealing.” - okay i know i said what i said about being tired of hua cheng being everywhere but... the line…. the fact that theyre laughing together…. :pleading:

“It’s not,” Ling Wen said. “At least, I believe, there will definitely not be another in history who can create a dish called ‘Incorruptible Chastity Meatballs’” - and truer words were never spoken

“I, DO NOT WORSHIP GODS. “I, AM GOD!” - this was every bit as badass as i hoped but no one told me it was immediately followed up by a little bit of the ol dinner theater fjalkdsfjsd. also puqi shrine noooooooooo

“Xie Lian sighed as he thought, “Qi Rong has taken Guzi away, who knows if the poor child was eaten or abandoned. Wind Master...... ..... who knows if Black Water took him away. Pray they’re both safe.” yeah hey are we going to fucknig. find out what happened to the child???

and yeah i dooooont really care for the age regression? thing thats going on. i just dont like that trope tbh. but tiny hua cheng whipping out his fat ghost king wallet in the store was funny tho. it is really funny that hualian are just like wandering around some random towns while the heavens are in an uproar. i guess theres not much else to do but its funny

“Me too, me too. You all know of my shixiong, right? Talented, with an infinite future! He only had one small vice: he loved playing women. Decades ago, a little prostitute ghost seduced my shixiong and sucked him dry into human jerky, and that Hua, Hua, Hua, that ghost king dared shelter her.” - yes omg give me the forbidden hua cheng lore i love this for him for real it goes along nicely with xie lian’s principles about giving another cup. god i love shared values

“Hua Cheng poked again, and a small hole appeared on the wall, as if the wall was made of tofu.” - how’d he do that. why is this a ghost king power. its useful tho

*me shaking qi rong when he pops up* WHERE IS THE CHILD

mu qing fu yao is here okay im happy now. once again no one has a good grasp on their secret identity and i love that. this inn has descended into chaos and im delighted and im glad lan chang is back

“The good ol’ kitchen was suddenly squished and crowded, loud and noisy. Fu Yao was chasing that fetus spirit leaping up and down, Lan Chang was chasing after Fu Yao like she had gone mad. Half of Qi Rong’s face changed shape by the way Xie Lian was pressing him down on the chopping board, his back turning into a target for those yellow talismans Fu Yao hurled while being observed by a crowd, and Lan Chang would step on him from time to time.” - this is pure chaos. i love that mu qing was in that room when the mob checked and he didnt say a word didnt open the door just sent out a talisman as a warning. king your disguise is transparent

“Xie Lian remembered the way Feng Xin laughed until he was hoarse when he first heard that verbal password all those years back, and couldn’t help but feel nostalgic, even though it wasn’t the right time.” - awwwww omg im emotional about this... faithful friend feng xin laughing at xie lian’s stupid joke password and remembering it!!! ;_;

“They have, but they’re not effective,” Feng Xin said. “Usually they’re the most diligent in scorning the Palace of Ling Wen, like they could do the job way better if they had the position. Now that we need them to take up the task, not a single one can do even half of what she does.” - typical... typical typical typical

also emotional about the fact that feng xin contacted xie lian at all.....

also!! emotional about lan chang as a mom and wanting to help out sick lil guzi.....

xie lian forcing “fu yao” to let him help “his general” is making me.... what is friendship if not playing along with your buddies little shenanigans while also making them accept your help

“Someone like Mu Qing, even though he’s narrow-minded, petty, sensitive and skeptical, has a bad personality, constantly guessing, doesn’t say nice things, likes to nag, always offending people and has a lot of people who dislike him, has no friends, can remember small, unimportant details for a long period of time…” ”Xie Lian went on in one breath with a straight face, but in the end he concluded with, “...But I’ve known him since we were kids, after all, he’s still got principles.” - XIE LIAN PLEASE AFJDLKSFJDL omg ive seen this quote before but i figured he was talking to someone else not actually to mu qing himself fgjasdkfjsl. god thats amazing. hey im gonna help you out because i care but i will roast you first <3

waaaaaait so is lan chang aka jian lan that girl from book 2 we took a page to talk about and then disappeared? that has to be it why else would we have stopped to discuss her

“Jian Lan spat on his face, then choking his neck, she slapped him twice again. “WHAT SHITTY SUPREME! YOU SURE KNOW HOW TO BLOW YOURSELF UP! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, THINK YOU’RE EVEN WORTH TO BE THOUGHT OF AS EQUALS WITH THE OTHER THREE SUPREMES? WHAT ARE YOU EVEN GOOD AT? YOUR THICK SKIN? OF COURSE I DARE HIT YOU!” - oh this feels so good i cant lie. YES GET HIM!! CHOMPING AND VIOLENCE YES!!!!

okay this description of cuocuo.... im... that sure the hell is a creature

this book is so entertaining bc i already saw spoilers for the feng xin/jian lan/cuo cuo reveal and yet i could never have predicted the circumstances that brought it about. imagine being feng xin. the heavens are in an uproar and your only friend/enemy has been jailed for possible fetus spirit-related crimes but he escapes along with this female ghost who keeps causing problems. you figure “fuck it lets see if dianxia kept his old phone number” and he has but then he hangs up on you. you’ve got fuckall else to do so you go find him. mu qing is there but he’s in his disguise the two of you were using so you could watch over his highness while staying aloof. you think you see hua cheng only he’s a chiild for some goddamn reason but who knows at this point. the female ghost is also there and theres a fetus spirit climbing trees and biting your arrows in half. you realize the female ghost is your ex and the little demon is your son. it bites you. what do you do

amazing that despite everything going on everyone is still playing along with the “fu yao” persona when it would probably be easier to drop pretenses at this point. then again tbh if i could explain my actions to my friends while pretending to be a third party.... i probably would so.. carry on

“With all his devotees gone, only Feng Xin still treated him like the Flower-Crowned Martial God and His Highness the Crown Prince. ” “...his protection charms were all seen as trash. However, Feng Xin was still determined and tireless in handing them out; telling Xie Lian, look, you still have devotees.” “After all, he was the darling of the heavens since birth, high and mighty. Feng Xin so naturally spun around him like he was the world, so how could he possibly have his own life, his own heart” “Whether or not that fetus spirit was Feng Xin’s son, if it was that period of poverty that made Feng Xin lose the girl he loved, Xie Lian wouldn’t be able to forgive himself no matter what." ohhhh my god this relationship i. im...

oh my god i still have 30 more chapters until book 4............ its naptime now i think

[saint-patrice]

Tbh I would like to have the 34 *other* Bergy pics on your shortlist, complete with commentary lolol. And then (if you’re still waiting that is) any other Marchy pics with commentary? xD xD

oh my godddd you are my favourite person anon - ask and ye shall receive 😎 i should maybe warn that while this doesn’t have actual nsfw content you probably wouldn’t want to read this to your kids as a bedtime story. anyway, here we go: 

this was very close to making the original list. i like the soft lighting and the kind of floofy hair, yet he still looks like he could absolutely fuck me up (both like in a fight and various other ways). this photo gets me thinking some thoughts ™ if i am being honest

a literal saint and god amongst men right here. his brown eyes are so soft and his little smile puts me at ease. this is a man who would treat me right (fact). this photo is also from quite deep into the playoffs so the beard is going a little wild, and whilst i’m glad it isn’t like this all of the time, i very much appreciate it when it’s around.

O CAP’N MY CAP’N (sorry zee). nah for real this exudes some real sexy alternate energy. if i were on the opposing team and i saw this formidable man just skating around looking like that i think i’d just go back down the tunnel and hide in the locker room. this man will fucking kneecap you for the sake of a goal if that’s what it takes. and then i remember that it’s patrice and he’s the nicest man alive and he would literally never, but that’s still the energy this image has. and i ain’t saying i don’t like it.

okay this is just cute. they look like 2 dads who aren’t entirely sure how to take a selfie but are willing to try. the outfits lend this a slightly chaotic energy - i can’t commend zee’s colour combo if i’m honest, and when juxtaposed with the plaid shirt it kind of hurts my head. but it adds to the dad energy so i still love it. also this is from chara’s ig and the caption is super sweet.

DADS WITH THEIR KIDS ALWAYS GETS ME. i don’t even want kids, nor do i particularly like them, but seeing a man with his child is the cutest thing in the world and this, predictably, is no exception. patrice’s son 100% has his eyes which is really cute. speaking of patrice’s eyes, he may be smiling here but if you look into his eyes all you will see is fear - that child does not appear too bothered about remaining upright on the ice, and i suspect thay bergy is concerned about this. it would be criminal for me to not comment on the jeans. bergy has some exceptional thighs as these jeans do an excellent job of highlighting that.

this is Hot, and i’m not accepting criticism on that opinion. the crisp white shirt w no jacket or tie, and the top buttons undone???? i need a lie down. the hands are also making a nice appearance which i can always appreciate. basically what i’m saying is that i’m jealous of that snake this is an excellent photo and i owe the bruins instagram person a drink for posting it.

do you remember when i said bergy had marvellous thighs? well take a fucking sip babes - they’re like tree trunks carved out of carrara marble. if i have to die i want it to be because they crushed my skull. this is also one of the clearest photos i’ve seen of his tattoo, so it has that going for it too ( sidenote if anyone has an image with literally a pixel of his tattoo pls send it my way, i’m getting desperate at this point). i also think men in jewellery is a good look so i’m digging his beaded bracelets and silver chain. fantastic picture all round.

yeah okay there’s no escaping that the main reason this one made the list is 🍑. it’s exquisite. those pants also do a great job on the thighs too. the hair, socked feet (no i dont have a fetish i just think ppl in their socks with no shoes is kind of funny), and hands get an honourable mention

is this the only picture that has ever mattered? i’d believe it. patrice just lovingly gazing down at his son giving his hockey husband a handshake? you just can’t beat it. i have also been emotionally ruined by that tiny #37 jersey oh my

in the interest of being polite, i will describe this look as rugged. he has probably objectively looked better but i just like this photo and awful lot.

i don’t think i can give any commentary on this without saying something genuinely not suitable for public eyes. the 2 things i will say are: the only thing keeping me going completely feral horny looking at this is those pants,, if they were black or navy i’d be dead; and patrice i am begging you to do up a few more buttons on your shirt or remove it completely or i’m not going to live much longer.

oh man i just love this??? i can’t even explain why. the lack of much beard and the expression in his eyes just makes him look massively soft - i would give him a kiss on the nose and a cuddle in this photo

(gif via @gaudreau) i am slightly loathe to admit this bc it sounds weird but cuts and bruises can sometimes be a real look so this checks that box for me. his smile when he talks truly is one of the finer things in life too. also the lil shrug. i love you mr pikachu

a** fantastic **angle. this is just prime beautiful bergy.  excellent level of beard imo, the lighting shows off his v nice bone structure, and the nose is looking fab as always. weird observation of the day is that his neck looks nice in this

i mean obviously this had to go in - lord knows it’s fucking iconic. i have so many questions about how this situation came to be (aside from the fact that alcohol was involved. did brad initiate it? or patrice? why are they spinning? what the fuck? how the fuck? why was i not invited?) but anyway, this photo increased my thirst for a shirtless bergy photo at least two-hundredfold. at this point it’s a need not a want. i don’t think i can continue to comment on this without straying into nsfw territory so we’ll leave it at that. oh the things i would do

classic humble patrice making an appearance here, reminding us that he is not only the most handsome bastard to ever walk planet earth, but he’s a great guy too. just can’t hate him. and boy is he handsome in this gif. excellent stubble (im really invested in his facial hair if you hadn’t noticed), and the smile that could melt even my cold heart on display here. also bonus points for the previously mentioned thing about cuts/bruises. (sorry). i love this one 

in contrast to some of the prior ones, this picture is so cute that i can make nothing but pg comments about it. this is exactly the same face we all make when someone points a camera at us and says “cheese!” and i love that. the man looks good in white. good, wholesome content right here.

(gif via @weekendatbergysblog) okay the baby is cute but the fucking headband is what gets me in this. i’m able to make no further comment because this short circuits my brain.

(gif via @davidpastrnut)when i first saw this gif i had to go find the source video because i didn’t believe he actually said that but i’m here to tell you: he did. i love these hockey husbands so much. also i saw this tagged as “# hot waiter” one time and i still haven’t got over how accurate that is. someone more talented than me, i’m begging you for that fucking au 

(gif via @gaudreau) can patrice please stop looking up ??? it’s unfair that someone can look so good just looking in a direction what the fucK. he’s so stunning.

i love this one. brad pulling his hoodie down like that looks like he’s... soliciting and honestly who could blame him. bergy looks very cute, if a bit edgy in the all black. the hand is a treat in this one hooooooooooooooooo yes

this one show’s off patrice’s dark features very well. it’s amazing how he has such dark hair, dark eyes, big dark eyebrows, and dark facial hair, yet it doesn’t overcrowd or shadow his face ( except occasionally in awful lighting) ??? does anyone actually know how that works?? he’s looking very pensive here, and that hoodie looks oh-so-cosy. absolutely would cuddle.

**how cute is this y’all. **in case you thought you were just missing something, no, patrice is not sitting on a chair. he’s just maintaining that deep squat like a champ. maybe that’s the secret to his sublime thighs... the navy/deep red is an excellent look on him, and we get a rare glimpse of bergy with his wedding ring, which i find to be oddly cute. bonus points for him being beside a very cute kid too :)

(gif via @jakedebrask) this, i, ummmmm. i- uhh. just. um. yeah. so like. uhhhh... swiftly moving on

(gif via @davidpastrnut) this motherfucker and his handsome fucking face even looks good in that god-awful wooly patriots hat. honestly it looks like he’s about to go out and have a snowball fight (presumably with brad). decidedly rather domestic and i love it

(gif via @davidpastrnut) intense media patrice is intense. this is such a classic bergy face though, i love it. every time some media person asks him some big long question he puts on this exact very-invested-and-slightly-concerned face, its iconic. looking cosy in a hoodie once again. stop it. 

nice polo, dude

(gif via @davidpastrnut) that tshirt looks like its fighting for its life to contain those biceps. a dark, brooding patrice that has some sort of slow burn au stirring deep in my mind. from other angles in this interview the tattoo is fairly visible also.

this has such a strong energy it almost knocked me off my feet. again, i can see this being some sort of business or maybe criminal masterminds au. but fuck me, does that man looking something beautiful in a suit. the one hand in the pocket is quite frankly BDE too. i’m glad i’m not into dadkes or esle i think this whole picture would be too much for me.

he is literally the kind of man you’d want to bring home to your parents. i’m glad he seems to have cashed in on the navy/deep red combo because it really does suit him. he looks so fucking dapper here i may be very much in love

another excellent on-ice shot of him, albeit his slightly concerned expression. the beard is looking fucking crisp here hello sir. not much else to say on this, just a handsome, handsome boy.

(gif via @jeffsamardzija) another one that gives me Thoughts. he’s literally so beautiful. hair is cut a little shorter than usual on the sides and on anyone else it would scream fuckboy but i’m kind of digging it on bergy, at least on this one occasion. if i say anything else we’ll go down the rabbit hole

oof this is_ intense. _bergy aside, this is just an incredible shot tbh. rare that we get to see mr perfect not completely level-headed and playing it cool so it feels like a treat when we do. lowkey hot ngl

last but very certainly not least, mr patrice bergeron, four-time bergeron award winner, holding the award itself. this photo honestly just makes my heart swell a little with pride - it’s what he deserves!!!! just absolutely dapper in a beautiful suit as always, and a smile that could topple a nation to round it all off.

thank you so much for this anon!!! it was rather self-indulgent but i hope you like it :) also i will absolutely do another one with marchy, although my nails have been dry for about 2 hours now so i’ll probably do it tomorrow or friday, but it’s on its way :)

[imagine-this-overwatch-blog]

Sorry is this is a bother, but is there any way you could start posting your to do list/queue every once and a while? I just find it interesting to see what people request :p

I may need to be reminded to post the list. I never really know when it’s a good time to do it. But hey it’s no problem here’s what I have rn. 

For the skin thing, could you write something with Mystery Man McCree where him and his S/O are partners like Tonto and the Lone Ranger? Sorry I’m just a huge western show nerd 😂😂 

How about nsfw oni Genji headcanons?

As part of military discipline, Hybrid Pharah keeps her wings in absolute pristine condition. She makes it seem effortless. Hybrid Angela is an absolute wreck. She just stuffs her wings in her armor and goes. You have to preen her while she's working sometimes. 

Headcanons for White hat or maybe Royal McCree both look like sugar daddies imo 😂 

Since you did the Genji one, how one about super saiyan blue tracer

Some Forest Spirit Orisa headcannons would be super cool! I imagine her being the guardian of an ancient forest or something. She also gets along with all the little critters. ;0; 

My friend, may I request some sub!Reinhardt? Both nsfw and sfw. I feel we lack content with a submissive buff german boy

What headcanons do you have for oni genji :D one of my headcanons for him is that (after he's "killed") he wonders around the forest he lives in and searches for lost children (the forest often have many since theres a small village nearby) he guides them out of the forest so they don't get taken by the mean witch mercy who will turns them into frogs or ingredients for her spells (she doesn't but the villagers believe she does) 

Hcs for cricket junkrat? Im a sucker for dumbass jocks tbh 

Headcannons for islander roadhog? Like, who is he? Where did he come f r o m 

Young!Hanzo, Okami!Hanzo, and/or Scion!Hanzo! Pretty please! 

Halloween is coming up, so how about some Junkenstien and Junkenstien's monster headcannons? 

Can I request some headcanons around getting Blackwatch!Moira's attention?

Camgirl (or boy) adopts hybrid of your choice, hybrid of your choice gets introduced on screen (after consenting of course), hybrid of your choice immediately becomes a fan favorite, hybrid of your choice has just stolen your show and donations. 

Requesting something wholesome but with bewbers. Preferably reader's face being shoved between them. And kisses. 

Something wholesome please: Reader comes off the anesthetic and starts flirting with an endeared Angela, not remembering quite yet (because of the anesthetic) that this super-hot bombshell he's flirting with is not an angel nor a supermodel. She is, in fact, his girlfriend. When he comes fully off the anesthetic, he still stands by the marriage proposal he asked in the recovery room.

I'm the anon who sent in the crotch obsessed puppy!Cree ask, I would absolutely LOVE to see some headcanons of all the guys if your up to it~ 

Hey! Can I please request some shower sex with McCree and a fem!S/O? Gotta get dirty while getting clean, am I right?

All these hybrid AU makes me happy ❤❤ but what if we have kitty!Reader hybrid instead?? Which ow boys gonna love it? And which boys likes kitty!reader with brave and naughty, and which gonna likes it with timid and obidient?? 

Can I please request some breeding with puppy!Jack? 

Can you please do a nsfw scenario of junkrat sleeping with a virgin reader? Thank you! 

Can I request Jesse or Hanzo with a hybrid panther s/o? Sfw or nsfw, it's up to you 

Can I have an order of Genji with a fem!kitty!hybrid reader? I need some kitten play in my life honestly. Whatever you wanna do is fine (but bonus points for collaring and leashing)! NSFW is preferred! :') 

(NSFW) Poly McCree and Reinhardt with a shy and timid trans woman s/o who is nervous about telling them about her kinks (Mainly musk, feet/socks, size difference, daddy kink) as she's never had a loving partner before, let alone 2. The boys are happy to make her feel nice and loved, while also being naughty and kinky themselves

Hello!! I saw up top it said you were open, but I apologize if not just in case. How about some Hanzo with a housewife kink?? Maybe she can cook exceptional well too? Thank you so much for being so open! Have a great day!!

Can you please do a HC of Jesse, Jamie, and Mako getting jealous? Thanks! 

Can I request platonic!Hammond and reader? Like she is a resident of Junkertown that lives near the outskirts of Junkertown and found out about Wrecking Ball’s identity? She’s practically giddy about him being a hamster and gives him a place to stay and work on his mech and Hammond is very grateful. I think it would be fun to be best friends with an adorable hamster!! 

How would Genji, Hanzo, Mcree, Mercy, 76, and Reaper feel about an s/o that’s younger than them? Like someone in their twenties while they’re in their thirties or older? 

JABDOCIDBWBDKDKS I'm a recent follower and I'm screaming some of your hcs are just so GOOD???? Pls hit me with all that Good Shit©. If it's by any chance okay, could I maybe request Hanzo with fem!s/o that is initially headstrong, but secretly has an omega/housewife kink?? (I'm not sure if I'm using the AU right so sorry in advance.) Thank you so much for always being so open and kind!!! ❤❤ 

Maybe some headcanons for Brigitte and a hybrid Lion!Hybrid S/O? Fem or gender neutral is okay! Idrc if they're sfw or nsfw I just enjoy your hybrid AU. Do as you please with request! 💕

How about McCree with a puppy hybrid fem!so whose going through a particularly rough heat. Perhaps she's getting false pregnancy vibes, collecting his things behind his back and making a nice nest of it to comfort herself during these trying times. :')

Pharah will at times stare off into space making horrified expressions when nothing is happening. This is a sign she's having a flashback and you just calmly talk to her and tell her exactly where she is until fades away, and ask if it's okay to hug her afterwards. 

If it’s okay may I please have a scenario where Genji’s been gone for a couple days on a mission and when he gets home he walks in on his girlfriend masturbating and whimpering his name and he just watches for a few minutes before pinning her to the bed and eating her out? Thanks in advance and I hope you’re having a great day :) 

Could a hybrid s / o rabbit with a kitty! Genji / kitty! Hanzo? 

Could you do Brigette with a chubby fem! So? Like, her gf sees cute couples doing piggybacks all the time and is a little sad bc she thinks she’s way to heavy for Brigette to handle?

Junkrat with a hybrid tiger!reader who growls and hisses at people they dont like and are generally moody except with Junkrat? Like, they'll usually avoid most people but when they see Rat their ears perk up and they stick close to him and just enjoy his company. 

Can you please do a HC of Jesse, Jamie, and Mako trying to flirt with a crush? Thanks! 

reader is on the enemy team, but our heroes have taken a romantic liking to them (and vice versa). during the middle of their ultimate in-battle, reader pulls them in for a kiss ('stunning' them, thus cancelling their ult) in order to save their own team. by the time the kiss is over, the heroes' ultimate timed out, and reader scrambles back to their team for safety. how would Reaper, McCree and Genji react? 

Some NSFW for a nice shiba!Genji? Perhaps he's hit a rut and his fem!so wants to be able to help him out a bit. 

Pregnant horny Vampire Mercy is eventually going to fuck you to death or eat you alive. You wouldn't change a damned thing. 

[mego42]

Can't help feeling this fandom is stubbornly clinging to an old gameplan? Because that episode was not about endings. It had one fic trope after another. It had Bellamy standing up against the previous most important person in his life FOR ECHO. It gave them a CL-esque love scene, except she's still alive and promising to come back. Bob has NEVER shown the level of emotion that he did with E. And overall, we were given every cue to view this relationship as more vital and resonant than BC.

Mmmmmm yeah no I both agree and disagree. I’m with you that Bellamy and E/cho love each other very much. I’m with you that Bellamy standing up to Octavia on E/cho’s behalf is significant but I don’t that necessarily automatically also means it’s..endgame? Is that what you’re arguing here? Significant is no guarantee of forever. Hello rising divorce rate. I also wouldn’t use a CL-esque love scene as proof that b/echo’s here for the long haul because…well. Sure E/cho is alive and promising to come back, that doesn’t mean it’s all going to be rosy. In fact, given that this is, you know, The 100, I would say it’s more likely exactly the opposite. Dramatic irony is a thing and this show is basically a contest to pile as much pain and trauma on the characters as possible. 

I’m not going to fall back on the whole I DONT BUY IT BC WE DIDNT SEE IT AND BC WE DIDNT SEE IT IT MUST BE DOOMED thing because the show is very much showing us how much they care about each other and how much both of them have changed (and honestly anyone who says otherwise just doesn’t want to see it which is fine, you do you, but don’t tell me it isn’t there because that’s just as transparent as the people who say they don’t see be/llarke and all y’all are exhausting). Telling a story with through shorthand cues that reveal what you didn’t see on screen is a completely legit storytelling technique (if you’re used to watching tv shows that start at the moment the protagonist is born and follow them through every moment of their lives in real time you may not realize that but most shows and movies pick a starting point and then reveal what happened before that point in shorthand) BUT at the same time, pretty much every be/cho moment we’ve seen has been couched in how very, very doomed they are.

I mean like, their first scene is all about how stuff isn’t going to change when they hit the ground and then literally everything has changed since they hit the ground. Clarke was dead, now she’s alive. Octavia is a completely different person than Bellamy remembered and he’s still struggling to understand her. The valley was going to be their safe space and now it’s been taken over by murderers (well, murderers who aren’t all of them). Harper lost the ability to speak. Everything has changed.

I loved their sex scene, LOVED IT. It was beautiful, it was hot, it was desperate, and it was also sad because both of them knew everything was about to change again and probably more significantly than it did before. We didn’t see their goodbye last time they split up, we did this time and Bellamy cried. Why? Only time will tell but if I were a betting person I would put money on it ultimately being a significant goodbye whether they realized it at the time or no.

That said, who knows! I’ve been wrong before and I will be wrong again (not about the bunker cannibalism though, that super happened). I, personally, would be cool with be/cho lasting through the season but I am not expecting them to. 

As for their relationship being more vital and resonant than be/llarke, 1) why does it have to be a competition? 2) did you miss the part where Bellamy leveraged a nearly three hundred person army for Clarke? I’d say their relationship is just as vital as it always has been to both of them.

ANYWAY, I don’t really care. I love be/cho, I love be/llarke, I love this season, I love all of the delicious potential angst on the table. Though the wall of text above maybe says otherwise, I’m really not here to talk anyone up or down and I don’t particularly care to try and change anyone’s mind about anything going on with the season, I’m here to enjoy myself. 

[kosmicdream]

Hi I’m Kosmic. I draw webcomics and my webcomics are really long sprawling huge cast ones that will go on for years and they’re non linear and all this stuff that makes ppls heads spin when they try to explain wtf they’re about. I ask myself this question a lot: How the fuck do I maintain this motivation for continuing projects that are honestly, probably bigger than i can possibly feasibly create??? How do i avoid swallowed up by anxiety of my own creations???? is that energy going to run out at any time? should i be worried?? Well! For some reason I... don’t? like i get winded sometimes but in the end, I actually quite like what i do and I don’t care that it takes literally years to make my stories. but when I step back and look at it objectively it does make me scratch my head and wonder how i came to be in this situation. So, sometimes i  try and write a few things that help me with understanding my own process, for whatever reason. Or at least I’ll TRY to articulate some of the things i seem to tell myself again and again that help me feel very comfortable with my writing/creating process. So if you want an insight into tips that i give myself.. this is that! 

TIP #1 - Everything you Plan will take longer than you planned, but you can make it easier by unexpectedly including information you might have otherwise withheld.

Secrets are cool in your stories. I have so many of them, but I also understand that they’re much more fun to share than to always keep locked up and out of knowledge. I often overshare to the point where ‘info dumping’ happens which is often considered an unattractive quality in comics. But IDM it so much because my comics just need to be drawn and you can’t glorify and hold every flaw over your shoulders when in the end its not going to be that big of a deal. I think its better to give out more information than finding reasons to bend around a story to avoid revealing things. I feel it might even be more obvious if you attempt to do that.

Also, I feel that everything planned in a story can happen quite quickly, and feel much shorter than actually drawing it. Even with the experience ive gained, i still am surprised just by how much i must throw out to make my long scenes shorter and snappier. even then, they are still really long scenes. I don’t mind doing this, I like to make my stories this way- but ive also designed my comic to serve this pace by making my pages less intensive physically to make. I’m not going to go in depth about this as ive already discussed this many times before, but I do think its important to understand that generally, a commitment to a comic is going to be bigger and longer than it appears in your mind or even on paper as a script or thumbnails.

(my comic eggshells, for example, was originally going to be 340ish pages long. but back then, my pacing was much different-- and my pages were generally twice as wide with around 15 panels per page..sometimes more. but i would over-render and make them hard to read, and now i draw very few panels per page and my comics are much ‘longer’ in page count.)

TIP #2

-Accept that your ideas are bigger than what you can draw and enjoy the private context and history of your work without feeling like its less accomplished for not being all out there. Validate yourself but also understand that your readers are not going to understand the depth from your perspective and they will be engaging with the view they’ve been exposed to.

This is kind of a complicated one but I think that its both humbling to accept your work as this multi layered experiences of contradicting perspectives.. theres the planning and your engagement with the goals, the work of translating your creation to others and the vulnerable exposure of these ideas to the audience. As the creator, you get to see things in a very unique way that no one else can but... the one feeling you will never get to see is the audience who has no idea what will happen next. You can anticipate it, but in the end its so vast and unpredictable that it will be impossible to judge what they ALL will FEEL and sometimes? their perceptions can alter your own enjoyment of your work. I guarantee it will change it in SOME way.. that’s part of the sacrifice.

TIP #3

-Allowing change, flexibility and growth into your series- and letting go of control over all facets of it.

As time goes on things just change. Its hard to accommodate or prepare for that kind of investment in your work when you feel like you havent even gotten through the starting gates of your story. Comics are particularly difficult for that because once you draw a thing, it takes time to edit and you cant really undo and go back. Each panel informs and builds on the next. You have to use what’s there and figure out how it can be a structure for the future.

Accepting the past that has helped create the situation and platform of your comic in the present, which will lead into the future. Personally, i’m not a fan of retconing* certain decisions that have been already made into the canon-- however, i think if a new conclusion or idea is discovered in the process of writing and it works to include because it creates a new and alive energy in the work that will help push it to the next stage.. i think that’s very helpful and useful for sustaining the growth and motivation in a story. Making choices like this can be tricky, however, but even small ones can give a lot of natural growth and flexibility in the comic. The problem can often come with letting go of that unseen, unrealized version we had intended. I know for myself, i can get very nostalgically attached to old ideas but-- if i think of something better that works or makes more sense, I’m always thankful to let go and let my stories grow into a better thing. I try to remember where it came from, however. Because that helps inform me where to go.

(*generally my definition for this is altering events of the past, certain core plans of the comic, character motivations, or facts that are connected to the worldbuilding. im kind of a hoarder so once its in the story aka on a specific page-- its not going anywhere. until then things can be up in the air. for example, the characters knife and spoon were not originally intended to be mutually in love and it was more of a one sided idol worship, but as i fleshed their characters out i realized that it was mutual and it changed and altered the story because of that. now it cannot/will not be “undone” for whatever reason bc this is.. an established fact in the story. but at one point, it was not! i hope that makes sense.)

SO TO SUMMARIZE... plans will always be “”bigger”” in the ever expansive space of your mind so also dont be afraid to get to the point sometimes even if it feels a little, like. less exciting than you thought? accept your story is going to be different for YOU vrs your audience and make peace with that disconnect even tho its disorienting + upsetting sometimes & accommodate the ~natural personal and artistic growth~ you will experience and let go of things that might be holding you or your work back from improving with you. but also dont try to cut out too much of the past because.. it is what helped you get to where you are right now? focus on the present & allow growth for the future, dont try to alter the past and pretend it didnt happen. bc that will be confusing as fuck for everyone involved and also probably hurt the story more than help it. esp if its a long one. ur building a tower dont pull out too many foundational blocks and try to make it too much of something else unless its growing there on its own.. u kno? 

When I try to write these tips these are just things I find myself doing in a cycle as i create that seem to keep re igniting my passion for my story again and again. It makes me curious because it also is a very instinctual thing so I thought I might try and write it out!!!!!!!!!! ENJOY.

ALSO some bonus thoughts!!!!!!!!!! I will say that I’ve never completed a long format comic series, so take it w/ a grain of salt imo. HOWEVER...I probably will, eventually. Even if I don’t, I do enjoy writing really big ones and I feel very happy with the work i do on them! and still feel no inclination to move onto other things. Or even when I work on other things, I don’t have a feeling of dropping a story entirely. (for example, i still intend to work on my older series eggshells and don’t really feel a desire to ‘quit’ that story even when i have matured as an author/artist since starting it.)

When I read really long comic series I wonder a lot of internal decisions that happen out of sight, since the timeline of a comic that you read is so much different than the timeline it takes actually creating the thing. its so easy to write/plan/form ideas for lifetimes of work that will never be realized, so what is it that we actually get in the pages? What aspects of this author are we actually seeing? how much have they grown since beginning and what about the story we will never know? I know I’ll never know, because, I am only the reader! And as the creator, I will never know what the feeling of my work as the reader. or the cool and interesting things they predict will happen based on their perseptions, which are so different from mine. Yet!! we are all engaged in the same story unfolding, never fully discovering what its like on the other side but only getting little glimpses and thats fascinating how a story is almost this vast illusion of experiences maintained by so many different minds. 

Long format comics captivate me because they are just, really time consuming to make and the pacing of them are so different and less consumable than other stories. They like become.. this place you live in! Why are they my favorite to enjoy even when its natural that, when a story becomes longer, its going to end up attracting more & more issues? Why do i Not care about resolutions to long stories sometimes bc my expectations for them are different?? (also lets face it, experience writing long stories is going to be different than writing short ones because it takes time to write longer things & we are not going to have as much experienc having more than one completed super long multi-act-multi-characterplot story vrs a bunch of smaller ones. it doesnt mean its EASIER to write shorter ones, if anything id argue its probably much harder to write good short things + isolate a story down to that focused vision than making tons of long ones that avoid endings) but..yet!! here i am...

why am i constantly drawn to trying to understand long format stories when I probably could improve faster by writing shorter things??! i dont really know! but i follow my heart and my heart likes to do things this way......

anyway, this entire post is mostly inspired by the fact that many of my favorite stories started before i was even born or have been going on for decades and i wonder if we’ll ever read the endings to many of them.... would it.. matter? they’ve already inspired me so much even without a resolution because i can imagine my own endings to things.. but in the end that is not what happened in the actual story. it was only in my mind.. and yet it never happened, and was an illusion unknown to anyone but myself.....and sometimes my favorite stories are my favorites because of the things i imagined them to be, rather than what they actually were or how they actually turned out.. i dont know how this happens..... but i wonder about what this means with my OWN comics, and how my perceptions of what they could be vrs what they are is like, this weird illusion that also exists only in my mind and no one else can see it. yet we are both looking at the same thing. and i want to know what others see and i never will get to??? ....stories are......... so fucking spooky!!!!!!!!!! AHHH!! ok thats all. thx for reading

[fenharelxenansal]

ooc;;

so i went back into my discord history to dig up some meta i wrote a while back about briala. alice, nixe, mo, merc, and cay have all already read this, but i feel like a lot of it is really important to my characterization and i want it on my blog. maybe someday i’ll format it to read in a less disjointed, chat-style way, but for now -- have 1600+ words about briala’s backstory, i guess?

cw: lots of emotional abuse and gaslighting, lots of character death

im having a mood abt the tactics celene might have used to keep briala on her side when they were fighting and aaugh

bc i think a lot about the scene at the beginning of TME where bria is getting sexually harassed by a palace guard and the fact that nobody in that scene, briala included, acts like its anything particularly abnormal. that worries me

i mean. celene killed her damn parents. i dont think encouraging a guard to harass briala from time to time to make herself look like a saint in comparison is beyond her

and i have this mental image of briala being hurt in some way, nothing serious, a bruise here or there from someone other than celene, deliberately caused to send her running back to the empress who will make it all better

to give briala someone to hate instead of celene

to give celene the opportunity to 'make it up' to her

because i dont believe for a second that celene, grand player of the Game that she is, wouldn't stoop that low

she would do anything in her power to keep briala

because she is too dangerous, she knows too much

my headcanon is that when celene tried to send her away to live with the Dalish, it wasn't for her own protection

it was to keep her from ever realizing the truth of what happened the night her parents died, because it could destabilize celene's grip on power

and when Briala came back, well, she had to come up with another plan. and she cared for Briala enough that she didn't want to just kill her. so she made her into an intensely loyal asset

so i think any time Briala started to turn on her, started to want to leave her service even a little, she would do something to make herself look like the good guy again

the thing i always think about

Briala was supposed to be killed that night along with her parents

it wasn't 'all the servants except briala' it was 'all the servants'. the fact that she survived was pure luck, and the fact that celene didn't just have her killed after that point was because. well. Celene was a 16 year old lesbian about to ascend the throne of one of the most powerful countries in Thedas. One might imagine her a bit lonely.

im pretty sure she knew sending briala away was sending her to likely bandits or death by starvation

but she didn't have to feel so personally responsible for that

its easy to kill a palace full of servants whose names you dont know

theyre just numbers on a piece of parchment saying how many bodies you have to clean up

briala made herself real to celene and that makes her harder to kill

because she could have just killed her right then herself

but celene never had the stomach for killing people herself. she just gives the orders.

and so when faced with that situation, with her personal handmaiden traumatized, crying, covered in her parents' blood saying 'they're all dead', the smart thing to do would have been to kill her. but celene didn't do that. she just sent her away to near-certain death instead.

Briala is incredibly dangerous to Celene

especially post-TME, post realization of exactly how Celene orchestrated her rise to power

she is the only one who knows that Celene's claim on the throne is truly illegitimate, no matter how much Gaspard tries to argue it

not only did she have her own palace servants murdered

she had the emperor assassinated

which i think everyone misses?

she had him assassinated and then staged the murder of her palace servants to paint herself as an innocent victim who just happened to not be there that night

thats why all the palace servants were killed

so that suspicion would not fall on her for Florian's murder

the point was to make it look like the same assassins who went after her uncle were also going after her

when in reality she was the one calling the shots all along

i did briefly toy with writing a verse where Briala never met Felassan, where she made it to the Dalish safe at 14 years old and tried to become one of them

but the fact is that the moment he sent her back to Celene was a defining moment for her, something that fundamentally changed her, and she wouldn't have been anywhere near the same person without that

it told her, right there and right then, subtextually and insidiously, that the cause was the most important thing, more than her safety - because she knew it was dangerous being anywhere near the Empress-to-be, she wasn't stupid. she didn't even really know what the cause was at that point; he never told her what he got out of their meetings. so the cause to her became helping elves. and then that really quickly became warped to helping celene because she convinced her that it was the best way to serve the cause.

"what would have been different if she'd decided what she wanted to fight for on her own?"

she would have been a lot less.....not less dedicated, but less 'dedicated to the detriment of her own wellbeing'

if she had decided herself not to go to the Dalish, to stay by Celene's side to enact change, rather than just following the orders of other people, her story would be very different

concept: briala actually processing her trauma??? what???

bc you know the moment she got back to the palace with Celene after meeting Fel for the first time she threw herself headfirst into the Game

she focused all of her energy on intelligence-gathering and supporting Celene in her bid to become Empress

She never gave herself a single moment to grieve

and it isn't an uncommon story in Thedas, an elf watching someone or multiple someones they love cut down by humans

imagine if u will: briala, trying to have a funeral, not just for her parents, but for all of them

thats the thing i really feel the need to

idk

it wasn't just her parents

briala grew up in the palace. her parents were both palace servants.

she knew every single one of those servants. they were her friends and her family. and at the end of it she was left standing covered in blood in front of celene. celene was all she had left.

she didn't have any friends at the beginning of TME. she was friendly with the cook, but that was it.

celene took a generally happy, driven, and incredibly smart 14-year old elven girl and took away everyone she had ever known except herself. she made herself briala's world.

that's the real reason i hate that you can reunite them. its not that i don't believe they could be reunited - its that they can. because briala doesn't have anyone else. she has celene and felassan. that's it.

when you only have one person, its easy to make excuses for them and justify the things theyve done. its easy to believe them when they apologize and promise to do better.

thats why i want briala to have friends and lovers and people

i want to have a verse where she has grown so far beyond that point that she would laugh if Celene asked her to return to the palace

i want her to stop loving Celene but she isn't there yet

in my current writing, at least

she is still vulnerable to her in every verse where Celene is still alive

i just imagine her like

talking quietly about her childhood best friend among the servants

we don't get to see much of Briala's childhood

we get the moment of her mother telling her she mustn't try to hide her ears and that she must be proud of being an elf. that's really it.

but we do know that there were other children of servants who were considered for Celene's handmaiden aside Briala

i like to think she was friends with these other children. that she wasn't always lonely from the start

but of course that leads down the road of those friends being slaughtered as well so its a tradeoff

and then there's the question of whether when Celene kissed her when she was sending her away, if that was her first kiss, if she ever even had the chance to love someone else

i think a lot about how Briala spent 20 years learning how to love exactly 1 person the way she wanted to be loved

just imagining her trying to have a romantic relationship with someone else with that framework still in place is painful. it wouldn't work no matter how much she wanted it to because she'd be treating them like celene. she has no other model for how a relationship can work

she bypasses that somewhat with Lana, but its still there, thinking that the best thing to do is the thing that Keeps Lana Safe

she wouldn't recognize abuse if she got into another bad relationship

and she doesn't know how a relationship works where she isn't centering the other person's needs over her own

she gave up everything she ever wanted or aspired to for Celene

one time i got a prompt from a lyric starter list i made

'you can still be what you want to'

and briala just. broke for a moment.

'no. i can't. i never could - none of us ever could. thats why we fight.'

she doesn't have interests or hobbies or friends or a life

celene was her life and now she's filled that void with her cause

[surveystodestressme]

85.

5000 Question Survey Pt. 22

2001. Can you believe that we have only gotten through two fifths of this survey so far? i believe it 2002. What is your opinion of Dave Coulier? i have no idea who that is 2003. If you were to a write a Choose Your Own Adventure book, what would it be about? horror 2004. What was your best find from a flea market, garage sale, ebay or thrift store? huh? 2005. What do you not have enough money for right now? a new car

2006. Do you believe that Teras for Fears were right when they said, “Everybody wants to rule the world?” eh 2007. What is the design on your beach towel? i don’t have a beach towel 2008. What stirs something deep and animalistic inside you? mean fucking people 2009. Have you ever cross dressed (even as a joke)? no 2010. Do you own anything with a rainbow on it? yes lol my boyfriends mom buys pj pants for everyone on christmas and this year she got me rainbow pants with minions on them....... i’ve NEVER even seen despicable me 2011. What would be the worst object for a child to take on a long car ride with you? a loud handheld game 2012. What’s the Best Beatles song in your opinion? help 2013. Why do you suppose that diary sites are more popular with females than males? idk 2014. What do these color combinations remind you of: orange and pink: ice cream pink and green: fruit green and gold: nature purple and gold: idk gold and red: royalty red and white: america blue and grey: the beach 2015. What is one selfish thing you tend to do? let people buy me stuff 2016. When do you think technology will catch up with the Jetson’s? idk 2017. What made you laugh today? my lab partners 2018. Do you ever stick your entries in any of the diary circles? no. 2019. Can you freestyle rap? i could try but it wouldn’t be that good 2020. Are you: stylish? somewhat shiek? huh? smart? i think so 2021. Do you find you self only buying brand name products? i do not care about name brands 2022. Would you ever want to buy an article of clothing or an accessory because you saw a celebrity wear it? i don’t pay attention to celebrities enough 2023. What song do you feel the sexiest dancing to? buttons by pussycat dolls 2024. Who do you know who looks silly when they dance? my dad 2025. Sweaty sex or clean sex? a lil bit of both honestly 2026. Which is more important to you: being kind or being right? i mean both honestly. 2027. Can you do any special dances like swing, tap, or ballroom? i used to do tap 2028. Are you scared of monsters? nada 2029. Who would you like to remind people of? idc 2030. Do you walk to school or do you bring your lunch? neither???? 2031. Rate your skills from one to ten (10 = you are the best at it): socializing: 5 making friends: 5 working with computers: 5 arts: 7 crafts: 7 dancing: 2 skating: 6 talking other people into things: 8 writing: 9 living life to the fullest each day: 5 cooking: 3 gardening: 2 cleaning up after yourself: 9 playing poker: 1 surviving in the woods: 3 managing your time: 8 attracting the opposite sex (or same sex if you prefer)? 4 2032. Have you ever been to an indian reservation? nope 2033. What is going to happen tomorrow that you can celebrate, even if it’s a little thing? idk 2034. Do you save things for special occasions or is everyday a special occasion? i save things. 2035. What is one thing you are terrible at: saving money 2036. What’s your favorite: rap song: love the way you lie country song: we danced industrial song: idk. cover song: cant help falling in love with you punk song: idk odd song: cotton eye joe 2037. What do you get your teacher or your boss for the holidays? not a thing lol 2038. Do you like to read books by Virgina Wolfe? never read any. 2039. What is your favorite tv show from when you were a kid? spongebob 2040. What is now proved was once only imagined. - William Blake. What do you imagine? the future. 2041. What has been passed down through at least two generations to you? nothing 2042. Do we live in a particularly bad age for romance? i don’t think so 2043. Have you ever cheated on someone? nope Do you believe that once someone is a cheater they can never be trusted? yes 2044. Have you ever gone: christmas caroling? nope pumpkin picking? yeah on a hay wagon ride? yes on a romantic valentine’s day date? yeah to a new year’s eve party? a couple times to a memorial day parade? yeah to the Macy’s thanksgiving day parade? maybe in the past to search for gold coins on st patrick’s day? no. 2045. Have you ever done any modeling? nope 2046. Would you consider yourself to be psychologically damaged? not that i can think of 2047. How aware are you of the reasons behind your actions and words? very aware 2048. What is the sickest you ever drank or drugged yourself? i haven’t had any really bad experiences tbh. it’s always a shitty time when i’ve thrown up from alcohol but i’ve never blacked out. 2049. Would you prefer it if clothing was optional? no lol. 2050. What is one interesting fact about you: i collect shot glasses 2051. Are more people depressed because they are alone, or are more people alone because they are depressed? they’re more depressed bc they’re alone probably but there are way more complicated reasons as to why people are depressed 2052. Have you ever gotten a mug, t-shirt, key chain, etc. that was personalized with your picture? no lol 2053. What was the last thing that you experienced for the first time? i don’t know 2054. If you were going to die tomorrow and you were leaving a postcard for someone to read after you were gone what would it say? i dunno. 2055. If you were about to be executed what would your last request be? tell my family that i love them 2056. What kinds of people do you find intimidating? too many people lol 2057. How much conviction do you have in your feelings and beliefs? quite a bit. 2058. In your house where is the: crazy glue? in the junk drawer flashlight? above the snack cabinet 2059. Out of everyone you know who has the most personality? there’s plenty of people lol 2060. If you could go back in time to experience a musical movement or era, which one would you choose to live through? none 2061. Do you suffocate people with your love? sometimes 2062. Do you feel your life is charmed? no. 2063. What character do you identify the most with from Winnie the Pooh? piglet 2064. When do you do your best thinking? in the shower or on the toilet 2065. What motivates you? food 2066. Look back at all the people you’ve dated. Has there been a pattern? not that i can think of 2067. Things change but what will always remain the same for you? i don’t know 2068. Is divorce something you would ever consider or do you feel that marriage is permanantly binding? i would preferably not get divorced. 2069. What’s the strangest movie you ever saw? the abc’s of death 2070. If you could go into virtual reality and set up your life there to be perfect and it would seem real but not be real would you trade your life now for the virtual life? it’d be cool but no 2071. Does it seem like life is more difficult for you than for anyone else? nope 2072. What are you grateful for? everything i have. 2073. What was a choice that you didn’t want to make but you had to? idk. 2074. Have you ever had dental surgery? no. 2075. At what point exactly are you grown up? when you  have bills and you feel like you’re drowning 2076. If there was a weight loss procedure that would destroy your ability to taste food so you wouldn’t be tempted by junk food, would you have it done? absolutely not 2077. What is one thing that happened that you never expected? finding someone i love who actually loves me back 2078. If you called one of your friends and they said “It’s nothing personal but I don’t want to talk to anyone right now,” would you take it personally? nah, i’ve had moments like that too so i can understand 2079. What is your favorite girl’s name? i don’t really have one 2080. Do you ever feel guilty for being more fortunate than others? not really. 2081. If you had to wear a shirt with one word on it for a year, what word would you choose? kok 2082. What is evian spelled backwards? naive 2083. You drop 10 pounds of feathers and a ten pound bowling ball off the top of the same building. Which will hit the ground first? they both weigh the same, sooo both 2084. Even though you may never get what you want, are you happy because you’re trying? yes 2085. If you started a petition what would it be about? idk. 2086. When was the last time you asked someone to do something and they said no? everytime i ask jack to do something he says no but does it anyways 2087. Do bad things happen to you on friday the 13th? not that i know of. 2088. What’s your favorite: Madonna song? - John Lennon song? - Michael Jackson song? billy jean Doors song? - Rolling Stones song? - David Bowie song?- Elvis song? cant help falling in love with you 2089. If you had started a relationship with someone and they said that it would be best if no one knew about it just to see how it goes, would you be offended? it depends ig but id feel like they just wanted to hide me 2090. Do you know any self defense? not really How about CPR? i know the concept of it but ive never really practiced or anything 2091. If you had to look into a mirror and see your naked soul stripped of all delusions and pretenses (Never ending Story style)could you handle it? maybe 2092. Are you a genius? no. 2093. How did you find out that Santa Clause wasn’t real? i got a letter from ‘him’ and the handwriting was the same as my dads 2094. Which is your favorite tarot card? i dont do that shit 2095. Does the internet separate people or connect them? both. 2096. Have you ever written a letter to a soldier? my brother and my sister and some of my friends when they were all in the military 2097. Does pain and fear make you feel alive? to a a certain degree 2098. Are you: good looking? yeah thin? no. happy? yes successful? not yet confident? for the most part 2099. Are you decisive or wishy washy? in between. 2100. Do you feel pop stars should be morally responsible to set a good example for their fans? it’s nice but they shouldn’t be obliged to.