#which i did not talk abt here
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nighttime routine in an au where the marauder’s map has pinch zoom
#iPad baby Harry potter#parasocial drarry#imagining him hard tapping this dumb piece of paper at breakfast#dw after this I took his glasses off for him and put them on the nightstand#why yes I did use a Tokyo mew mew screenshot as a pose ref#I literally can’t stop thinking abt blorbo from her tumor#harry potter#draco malfoy#drarry#draco x harry#harry x draco#hp fanart#hpdm#harco#one day I will make a real drawing that I spend real time on again#lately all I can do is doodle#which is fine i just#miss thinking ideas are worth effort or#effort pays off or whatevs#but I’m glad to be posting instead of adding to the wip graveyard#finishing doodles is better than hoarding drawings#I never end up going back lo#*lol#talking 2 myself here
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“Social media has made this generation so narcissistic and self centered everyone’s always posting selfies and posting about everything they do during the day” shut up. The human desire to show you exist and you were here is innate and we’ve been doing it since the days we were leaving hand prints on cave walls
#I’m in a romantic mood rn don’t mind my bullshit lol#I have a lot of feelings abt the idea of how we want to show we exist and be seen#it’s really a shame I don’t see this idea explored much in media#there is stuff about leaving behind a legacy in media sure but that’s not quite the same#bojack did do this which I rly liked#in the episode where he’s giving a speech at his moms funeral#talking about how she said ‘I see you’ before she died#the desire to just be seen#also this book I like called moral lessons had a chapter on this#it was a chapter about smoking and how part of the appeal of smoking is#you sort of prove you’re existence. the smoke and the smell of it goes beyond you and your presence is undeniable#and the same is for wearing perfume#‘’‘I am here’ she sniffs happily ‘I am really here’’’#I rly like this book lol#edit: it’s mortal lessons not moral lessons#my bad lol#also the author is Richard Selzer#if anyone’s interested in reading it
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#a doodley#okkk 2022: the torture chamber....i only sparsely drew al and developed talon (he was borned...) bc my mind was occupied with other things.#2023: exiting torture chamber; it took me a tiny little bit to get back to drawing and ''interacting with'' al again but i did it even#though it was a reminder of the Bad bc he's my copium#summer 2023: i view and witness media and suddenly have like 5 fictional men i cant decide on which to focus... and september (talon month)#comes along so I decide to focus on Talon after not touching him much at all throughout the entire year#(forced this btw i did not wanna do it LOL i didnt even remember how to draw him)#september 2023 to now: talon has infiltrated the brain. but i want to swivel back to al#now: i've forgotten how to Talk to al (just like i did in beginning of 2023)#(and just like i forgot how to talk to talon for most of 2023)#so ive kind of just been replaying the smunker cow al daydreams from when they first met#so I can find my way back...retracing my steps#in doing so ive kind of also forgotten how to interact with talon but still havent gotten back to al#so rn my life is so boring without imaginary bf interactions. just the before sleep plot rehashing daydreams...#or sparse visions of em Sometimes#nobody in my brain rn just like the short period last yr and its distressing#what do i draw without a love obsession.....#how do i pass time without it....! so boring. idk what to do#i miss the me of several yrs ago when i was drawing 50 different aus with al....ive downgraded in skill and imagination and creativity#so bad since then. idk. idk. i hope they come back to me soon#maybe i shld just draw al a lot which is how i kickstarted caring abt talon again almost a yr ago ?#hoping i can get him to come back before my surgery i need my big sexy boy nurse for recovery#(complaining abt things usually fixes em for me so im hoping thats the case here)
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oh no problem!! I didn't mean to come off as this mean, I was just genuinely confused bc i thought I missed some new behind the scenes or concept art that came out recently xD
which I honestly... sorta wish it did, just because there aren't any new episodes anymore so it'd fun to see more BTS boards or sketches or anything haha. I think if ppl only google for heights they're gonna get a lot of vague answers and fanblogs etc, so take those with a grain of salt, nothing is canon unless shown in the actual canon (show/comic/series) or behind the scenes production stuff (like with the rottmnt height chart, we can sorta take that as canon)
but also that sorta doesn't matter in fan-stories as much anyway, so it's kinda whatever.
I do think this is a funny idea tho! and it would be funny to see the characters side-by-side in any case lol but cartoon heights are always so all-over-the-place unless someone goes and analyses it more x3
Anyway, I started thinking abt it while replying, and I accidentally wrote this into a longer reply than i meant to so, brace yourself! commentary and thoughts below. Take it with a grain of salt bc it's pretty vague at this time of the day and it doesn't really go that in-depth, just some vague theorizing x3
going by the older concept art we see publicly, by Irineo Maramba (when the show seemingly still had Space Usagi influences) and by Andry Rajoelina, it actually seems that Usagi should be between Chizu and Kitsune's heights, but in the show's final designs it appears he is roughly around the same height as Chizu, if a bit shorter (but their eyes are at different levels). With respect to Chizu, I have a hard time believing he is just as short as Kitsune x3 ...but then again, it would be interesting to know where they decided that in the production process! cuz he does feel like he should be a shorter teen x3
like in these concept arts show on Irineo Maramba's portfolio, you can see that Usagi is a lot shorter than in the final show. Usagi in this screenshot below, even appears a teensy bit shorter than Chizu, and neither of them are wearing flats with heels either, so they're "roughly" the same height. Because of the whole eye-level difference, I've always thought that was the reason Usagi seemed so much shorter to me as well, even though he's clearly not actually as short as Kitsune haha xD Middle of ep 7 for ref:
But then in the same episode, at the start when Chizu pulls Usagi over, she appears slightly shorter, possibly because she is a little bit hunched here while trying to talk to Usagi about something secretive. Is the shot like this just because the camera is tilted slightly upwards, or is Chizu also bending her knees slightly to be more at Usagi's eye-level?
here too, Usagi appears slightly taller when Chizu goes to agree with him to lead him to the Neko Ninja dojo. Chizu is not hunched or leaning towards Usagi anymore, but instead appears to be standing.
But then in the next few shots with them standing together, they appear sligthly reversed, so now Usagi appears shorter while Chizu appears a bit taller. Is it just because one of them is closer to the camera (from Gen's POV) than the other, or is it an accident?
So going by those moments/shots and how much Usagi's 3D keyshapes change during episodes, what probably happened here is that the animators went according to the board (possibly) or animatic, but so much that their heights are also followed, just to fit the poses given in the boards more perfectly. LOL, just one possible explanation for small differences like this, I won't go more into it here, but it's something I thought possible because of how animation works in a TV production with two studios.
also, if I went to compare the two Usagi's in the show and then took the comic as a reference point, I would still be at a certain loss. Because the heights of the characters are different slightly, depending on which issue/story I read - what remains mostly constant though is the heights between the characters. So if I put all the UY characters into a roster/lineup in a character sheet, I might get something specific, but I'd have to refer to the newest publications then. But then there's the whole issue of which Usagi do I compare?
In the show, our two Usagi appear almost the same height. But we only have the one situation to compare from, when they meet in the spirit-realm, lets call it.
It appears that our elder Usagi here is slightly taller than his descendant. So for an Edo-period man, maybe that would make him "taller than average". Which sort of makes sense if we take the movie and real-world versions of Miyamoto Musashi as the inspirations for Miyamoto Usagi. Musashi was a tall man (by many online sources, sometimes even around 5'11'' but most times a whole 6 feet).
If we take this self-portrait as evidence and compare it with the average katana length of 60-80 cm, we would see that he slightly taller than 2 katana. So maybe around 180cm, so roughly around 5'9" maybe. If we take the self-portrait as accurate (I know I definitely don't know how to portray myself as accurately as possible so that's still vague lol). But that still leaves him as taller than the average japanese person around that time, (150-160cm) at least according to general research. (Like I found this interesting graph, "Body height of Japanese man and women, born since 1870" borrowed from the Anthropological Society of Nippon)
But Usagi is an anthropomorphic rabbit. And he is not the actual Musashi, even if based on him. It would make sense that in his first appearances in the early comics, he appears as a shorter humanoid rabbit, because hey, that's a bit funnier if not, and it just fits. In other animated appearances, he appears shorter than the turtles. Personally, I see this mostly as a result of the production teams taking his then-current comic appearances and translating them into their shows, where the turtles are already shorter than many of the other human characters.
and so we get the idea that Miyamoto Usagi is short or shorter than average.
But then in this appearance in the SR show, he appears as "slightly taller than a teen descendant 1000 years from his time". If we ignore that he can change his height and appearance on this spiritual plane, lets say that he is around that same height or slightly below it, so "slightly taller than average". so maybe something like 176cm/5'8''? (once again, feet and inches are so confusing for me lol). Even if people get taller by each generation, that would put our futuristic Usagi at around "average".
So what is Miyamoto Usagi's height in the comic?
Now, if I tried to get the info from any user-made wiki, I cannot take that quite as seriously. As a wiki mod on a different fandom wikia, I know users can just change that sort of info willy-nilly haha so unless I use the UY wiki for example, for just the publication info or things that are otherwise publically available, even that is a bit unreliable for other stuff like age, height etc unless they refer to specific interviews with Stan himself or any reference he has made to their height in any pubblication. So I'd have to go into the books myself to confirm if the wikis don't give me the correct source x3
like for example, if I go into google to search, the first results mine shows are from various TMNT wikis, which... I don't know where they get their info from, but it seems they don't properly link/reference where they get their "character data" x3 which is understandable tbh!! things like character heights or ages are usually never listed anywhere unless it's manga/anime, where we have character books but it's something nice to know sometimes, so it's hard to leave it empty if the info is there somewhere.
And going through the other 1st-page results, it's mostly fan-pages, wikipedia and a tabletop fan-game which lists Miyamoto Usagi as "average height, if shorter than most"
So this is something that is hard to get info on and it's perfectly acceptable to have headcanons about it since there's nothing else to go on but the comic and show x3
I do think it's a choice though, to have made him "that tall" in the SR show. To me it seems that because he had more creative control over his own Usagi's depiction, Stan wanted to give his Usagi in the show, the same impression that we get in the comics. Calm, composed... a little bit intimidating maybe. And by the showrunners' admission, they also wanted to copy Stan's Usagi verbatim from to comics, or as close as possible, because they are also big UY comic fans and wanted him represented in the show. Personally I also think that he just.... "sounds" like a tall man. His VA here, Yuki Matsuzaki, is also relatively tall, at least according to google search? (again, unreliable) But maybe it's something that influenced the show's depiction of comic-Usagi. Now with most voiceover work, it doesn't matter really, because you can be whatever height while the character is a different height altogether. But it just seems from that scene with the Usagis together, that the show crew liked seeing Miyamoto as on the taller side vs the shorter side of the previous animated versions.
in the visdev art figuring out the look of the 2D sequences, he also "seems" relatively tall
While in the actual 2D sequences (we can take these as the Ki-Stone's memories) we really only see that he is around the same height or slightly shorter than the various guards, and that the fake tiger shogun is much much taller than him. So "around 6, or shorter" could be a plausible height.
But then... that would leave our tv Usagi as "shorter than 6', taller than 5 feet" and knowing that's around 180cm something... that is something scary to imagine lol x3 It would also leave Gen a towering 8' or something, which I guess would make sense, since rhinos are on the larger side of mammals when you look at IRL rhinos, but still. Kinda scary? But then again, Gen is big and means to look scary so maybe that's intentional. They're from the future too, so even tho they're all animal-people, it'd make sense some of them are kinda more than 2 meters (extremely tall to an mid-size european like me).
In ROTTMNT, the heights between the characters are kept mostly consistent, Mikey and Raph are always the shortest and tallest, April is almost always a bit taller than Mikey, and then Leo and Donnie are close to each others heights, but Leo is a bit taller, while the goggles add to Donnie's height in a visual sense.
But like with Chizu and Usagi, I've seen a lot of people disagree on their heights, "taller Donnie supremacy!!" "Leo is the taller twin!!!" etc. It's a bit funny to me that it seems to be a similar issue - that Donnie just has such a different body type (long limbs but short torso/body) vs Leo (shorter limbs, but "longer" torso/body), that he appears taller than Leo, even in shots with them together. it's hard to tell, just like with Chizu and Usagi haha x3
In this old graph, it sets early season 1 main cast from 3' to 6' (and Draxum at 6'8") so these sorta make sense with how the characters are drawn and seen in the early episodes. Excluding the 2 adults, the main 5 are teens and it makes sense that their heights would change later on a bit since they start at ages 13-16 (from Mikey, the youngest, to April, the oldest respectively).
In the movie, their heights appear to be "slightly taller", since two years have passed between the series' first episode and the the movie's start, but the differences between the cast are still roughly the same. Maybe the exact numbers sorta don't matter, it seems it could be much easier to have consistent heights if you can imagine the characters next to each other and maintain the consistency through that.
Both in the finale and movie, you can see the characters have changed in some significant ways (at least 1 year has passed by the finale of the Rise series), but their heights still remain relatively consistent.
So maybe to quote SR Miyamoto Usagi... "it's a matter of perspective" haha. It doesn't matter much in the end cuz in fanart and fanfic, we can do whatever, especially if we don't have canon heights x3
also.... all that being said, now I think it would be fun to try and compare all the different Miyamoto Usagi heights and just sorta compare that to the different TMNT iterations too. think i might do this just for fun but also this might help my Usagi crossover in the future :P
If there would ever be a Samurai Rabbit: The Usagi Chronicles and ROTTMNT crossover, I hope they keep each show's official character heights.
EDIT: Yuichi Usagi is officially equal of height with Mikey, and Kitsune is at Usagi's shoulder level. (Usagi with his ears tied in a top knot is 4'6"-4'7" while Mikey is 4'7").
Usagi and Kitsune meeting Raph is gonna look like this:
#awarmbowlofhomemadesoup#sdfsdf sorry i didn't write longer last time but sORRY this turned out WAY longer than last time!! oh god#aghhtreplies#cartoon heights are always so hard to put together so i just go by first assumptions compared to the items placed in the cartoon world#so SR usagi seems like he is a surprising average height#cuz he looks like he SHOULD be shorter but then ISN'T...#and he is the same height as Chizu who just seems tall in general#so they're like... their eye heights are different but their head top height is mysteriously the same#srtuc#rottmnt#i wonder how much of it is just that he didn't fit as a small model compared to the other characters and they kept adjusting. theoretically#3D modelling in general is a pain in the ass to do imo from experience#so i wonder abt the process for this show a lot from that POV#which i did not talk abt here#long post#srtuc chizu#srtuc yuichi usagi#srtuc miyamoto usagi#miyamoto usagi#character heights#i swear character heights are always such a thing in flux when it comes to opinions and headcanons lol#now that i think abt it 6ft aint that tall if I think of ppl ive met who are 2meters#anyway feet inches and cm are like..... oh god how do we figure these out
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btw. peep the daisy dress.
#sergle selfies#context needed here is I did a Quick Commission thing a hot minute ago to break even on a dress#that dress did Not fit. so i got thisun instead!#and we're not going to talk abt the way in which the daisies warp#first two pictures are contextualized by me simply waiting around. while my sibling tries on jeans
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And thus, with the passing of 24 hours, Caeru's ambition truly comes to an end. Major Nemesis spoilers below the cut- we're talking endgame ambition business here. Mostly on a character RP front.
The Doomed Scientist made quite a few... choice decisions, in the end. Killing Cups once and for all, recording his story as one of grief-
And sparing what little remained of Mr Mirrors, leaving it free to roam Parabola as it sees fit.
Some of them, he can explain. Others, he's still left to feel... discontent.
Cups needed to die. That much was certain from the start. It was a tyrant, as all Masters are, and complicit in the bargaining and eventual destruction of four (potentially five) cities, as all Masters are. It was an obstacle. A murderer. A petty monster that felt no remorse even on its deathbed, and it went out of its way to ruin multiple lives just because it felt owed its own sick and twisted idea of revenge.
It killed his first love. It looked him in the eyes and he knew what it had done and he knew from the start it was going to die.
Perhaps, in the end, it knew too. And yet it still pleaded, and wanted to live, and-
It made a bargain.
A bargain Caeru didn't take.
Not because he didn't want to. Gods, he wanted to. He wanted it. He wanted it more than anything else in the world. To have Greylu back, to give him the gift of life, of love, to show him the wonders of the Neath and the beauty of the correspondence and all of the people Caeru has met and loved and found home with along the way-
But. He couldn't.
Because Cups was a monster. And no matter what, it deserved to die. And he could not, in good conscience, allow it to live.
Even if sparing it meant everything he's ever wanted.
So he's left here, now. With a bloodied traveling coat, and a bloodsoaked knife, and a favor finally fulfilled.
And nothing to live for. No resurrected lover, no charming visits to Helicon, no slow dances in the living room, no memories to rebuild and lives to live and he won't live again-
Nothing. All he has is a coat born of obligation, not to his love, but to people he's never even met. To lives he's never even touched. To a paramour, still alive, with hair of rose-pink, who doesn't even remember her own brother's existence.
Cups didn't die for Caeru's sake. Cups died for the sake of all who wanted it dead. For the revenger's court, and the ghost screaming in his ear, and the reckoning that will not be postponed indefinitely.
And Caeru, who acted as a tool to carry out their wills? Who all but betrayed his own lover, just to satisfy a cause he never knew existed?
All Caeru is left with, is regret. Regret-
-And grief.
#yin-thoughts#fallen london#fallen london spoilers#nemesis spoilers#so! nemesis huh!#i have. a lot of thoughts#overall i think heart's desire remains closest to my heart#but that's almost certainly bc of the obvious ''you always remember your first'' bias#there's a lot of problems with nemesis that have been talked to death by other people way more eloquently than i could ever express#(the big notable stopgates littered throughout. the weird pacing at the end. the fact you never meet your actual nemesis til the finale)#but overall i still liked it a lot!! i loved it actually!!! it singlehandedly made me like cups as a master!!!!#not because of anything nemesis actually DID mind you. i just really liked making up things about it#in place of nemesis. actually featuring it.#which could either be a plus or a minus against the ambition depending on what angle you look at it from#but. yeah. i'd say i enjoyed it. i enjoyed it a whole bunch#and now that ive played 2 out of the 4 ambitions and my FL hyperfixation evidently isnt letting up#it's safe to say we're all here for the long haul#tune in (insert miscellaneous time in the future) for when i finally after like a year and a quarter#get to find out what the fuck truly goes down in light fingers#and also keep an eye out for that caeru-centric fic ive been unsubtly alluding to and still need to write.#ive got a whole outline for it and it's. well#you'll all see when (if?) i finish it#i have some ideas abt how i wanna play around with the nemesis endings + what they mean to caeru#(and i do mean endings as in both of them)#and it all may seem. insane. when we get there#but i swear i have a direction plotted in my head#i swear#scoundrelventures#<- the scoundrel isnt mentioned At All in this post but that works as a general FL oc lore tag
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"this little alien creature who just insists on history-bounding a human edwardian regardless of time, place, or body purely because he feels like it"
#im laughing so hard#i was procrastinating watching this video bc i was afraid the special interest would freak out#but it's actually so fun and interesting#absolutely losing it at the pointing out abt yanas outfit a trillion years in the future#'his little 19th century shirt and waistcoat'#she goes on to talk about missys outfits. mainly s8. extremis and vault time#and she says that like extremis outfit was kinda 1960s so whatever missy did to land her here was probably during that time period#which is very fun and interesting thank u ms banner
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why is everyone so obsessed with absolving bruce of all responsibility and fault. like no actually he is not 100% innocent in the child vigilantes he did in fact literally just Yoink Jason and make him robin at the ripe age of 12. jason would Not have become a vigilante (or died!) if bruce hadn't made him that. like he is actually 100% responsible for picking up a kid and turning them into a soldier
#my dc posting#jason todd#bruce wayne#batman#red hood#robin#obviously some he couldnt have stopped. im not denying some of them did in fact just do that on their own w no input from bruce#like uhh i think duke cass babs steph etc etc im not doing the fucking child soldier argument here alright#im saying that jason did Not do that. like he was not running out in his own costume doing vigilante shit he interfered in one (1) crime#after first trying to tell someone abt it happening that does not equate to 'im going to become a vigilante'#yet bruce still picked him up and went 'youre robin now :)'#so like it annoys me sooo much when ppl just completely go that bruce had no fault in any of them or whatever. like hello. what the fuckkk#are you talking abt#i love jaybin (robin jason) i love him as robin i dont think he was a bad robin i think bruce is wrong n horrible for doing that#fics will have bruce feeling horrible like 'its my fault he died... he wouldnt have died if he wasnt robin...' and ill be like YES! YES EXA#TLY! you should feel horrible abt it its like a Lot your fault#i used the word soldier in the post bc of. yknow. 'a good soldier' like bruce's words not mine 🤷#''he didnt have a choice'' for most of them yeah i agree! im not disagreeing! except for jason which he 100% had a choice in.#this is a really small thing but it infuriates me endlessly
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People really love to pretend doctor who as a television show exists in a vacuum and not a culture that has shifted over the last 60 years. The standards for television are very different now than they were even 10 years ago & I think it’s important to consider in ANY analysis of doctor who what the surrounding tv landscape was like
#like. I don’t think it’s fair to be like it’s fine for rtd to do x bad plot point bc it’s the same shit he did his first run#like yeah. his first run in 2005. where the standards for storytelling in tv were very different#warlock wartalks#or even w classic who vs modern lots of like ohhh the doctor used to just be good all the time which. while that’s not necessarily even true#you cannot sit here and pretend the idea of the television protagonist hasn’t changed since the 70s#idk I think everyone should be required to take a tv history class before they talk abt this. this is Bidens america
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ok but like chris was revamped to be evil due to eugenics so
like I think it's fair to complain about a former abuse victim named after someone who played superman being a villain simply to make a biological son have a villainous rival.
plus a lot of "superfam" posts are actually 'kent family" posts
that being said, more people need to read Steel, and all of both john and Natasha's appearances.
if this the post ur referencing
i dont think ive ever said anything abt wanting chris to be evil just that he doesnt exist anymore thats not an embracement for lor z0d. wanting chris back vs having lz now — both are a separate subject to the fact he's included more than CURRENT canon family members. we can do better than trying to fix dc editorials xenophobia w fandom racism n exclusion 😭
#ur first line is kinda blowing me bc what if i told u lets dig deeper...chris as a concept was a form of xenophobic exceptionalism..🤔#lets not just start n stop at his current self dc cldve introduced a memorial kryptonian kid in the 2000s without defaulting AGAIN#to homeworld kryptonians = evil except for clark kara n whoever they can influence. but they did so: why?#this drags even into the kandor expansion/new krypton saga two years later#which ends in NK getting blown up bc again fuck the homeworlders ig#thats why i liked the phaelosians (however u spell it) thaola the twins n other kryptonian diaspora pkj introduced#but ANYWAYYZ see how once again we embodied the fandom issue the og textpost was abt the steels n were here talking abt chris 😭😭🤔
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Junicrane/Starstruck Ramble
I will not be brief, all under the cut
To clear some things right off the bat:
No corpse, no proof with Juniper. Obligatory this is set in a canon where he's alive and adjacent to the agency in some way.
Reggie & Juniper are just gay to me, but I don't mind any interpretation of their sexuality
The games are set in 1967/68 to me (based on a couple bits in game) which is before it was legal to be gay in America at least (1971), which is relevant to how I interpret canon as being somewhat grounded in reality, despite unrealistic elements.
This is just an insane amount of headcanons/elements of and AU all culminated into one post. I will talk about some headcanons like they're just facts because they are established in my head, and it saves me over explaining literally everything, however I will explain some parts a little bit for clarity.
Alright. Actual beginning of the ramble:
Juniper is a character to me who had gotten so lost in his job as an actor and a social presence that in the end his whole life revolved around that 'role'. Because of this, by the time he's put into the situation where he's around the Agency, he basically knows nothing about himself, though he doesn't realise at first. Furthermore, what little identity he had has changed in so many ways. He's no longer a beloved famous actor in the prominence of public light, he's legally dead and he tarnished his career just before he was supposed to die, with the bonus of that making him lose the majority of his estate. From that, he also has horrific facial scarring from the electrical burns from literally having his face fried. I believe a friend of mine made a post about this a while ago (I also think they were the first to think it up also), but, to me, Juniper has a permanent trimmer in his right arm (aka his dominant hand) from the electrical current and it is messing with his nervous system.
All in all, he's not doing great, but he's too proud to admit that he's not doing great, because if anything, what's left of his ego is all he has as a defense since he's deep in unfamiliar water.
Before ending up around the agency (I have multiple interpretations of this, so I'm just going to bring it up generally), he'd never actually seen Reggie, and his only impression of him is a single voicemail, which was his only reference he had to later impersonate him. Juniper probably has very little feelings other than the ones he projects onto him because of Phoenix and that, at the very least, he's physically attracted to Reggie to some degree (that's like the beginning of how everything else would tumble into place in this sort of interpretation at least).
And on Crane's side? His feelings towards Juniper are probably very intense and muddled. On the one hand, he adores musical theatre, and that's his now ex-favourite actor. The thought of just casually being around him blows the bit of fanboy in him away at first because THAT'S the GUY, plus the inklings of a celebrity crush which still poke at him. And then there's the rational side of him, which knows Juniper has committed absolute atrocities on the side of Zoraxis, and hates him for that. Then there's how much Juniper comes off as an asshole at first because he refuses to cooperate with anything the Agency tried to put in place. He finds Juniper endlessly frustrating, and yet he's stuck working with him since, afterall, he's the one who knows the Agency's history with Juniper the best. I imagine him acting a lot like how he does IEYTD 1 around Juniper.
At this point, I'm just describing the pitch for a romcom.
I think the start of their relationship with one another largely started with Juniper trying to wind Crane up. It was a way of getting his attention, and I don't think Juniper knows why he's so dead set on that at first, because I don't think he realises he has a crush on 'this grump' at first. (I think that's actually the fun part about these two, because it's almost like a role reversal of the celebrity crush dynamic. This ex-big name actor has a TERRIBLE crush on an average joe and it is KILLING HIM.) But of course the Agency keeps them together because Juniper is at least conversing with Crane, so it's a start.
Through one way or another, they actually get talking casually, at least mildly at first. It takes Juniper a long time to fully deconstruct the wall he's built, and the thing is, Crane isn't the one trying to deconstruct it, at least at first, because yeah, Juniper realises if he wants Reggie to actually like him in any way, he can't keep winding him up. So they talk. Small talk at first, something rhythmic and almost easy to keep to a script. And over time that turns into actual conversations. Genuine ones in which Reggie rips out the occasional one of his jokes which Juniper is endlessly endeared about. The way he smiles just before he makes them, like he wants to chuckle at what he's about to say before he says it. That's probably when Juniper realised that he does have some vague crush on him, and that it wasn't going away.
This is what kickstarts John I can't-buy-you-things-to-impress-you-so-acts-of-service-it-is Juniper to do little things for him. It mostly starts off as him trying to make Reggie his tea how he likes it. However, the nerve damage in his arm makes that hard, as the weight of the kettle and trying to pour is hard all of a sudden. And he refuses to accept that, so he tries for a very long while. Long enough that Crane would go to investigate what was going on. And when he does see Juniper leaning over a cup with the kettle as he uneasily tries to pour it, and when Crane asks Juniper responds so matter-of-fact that his intention is nothing but genuine. And it catches Reggie off guard because Juniper hadn't done anything like that up to that point, and his very apparent vulnerability is so clearly on show.
It shifts something between them.
From that point on, conversations are longer, more familiar. Both of their attitudes soften, and Reggie makes more jokes. Juniper learns how to better use his left hand while strengthening his right back to a point where it could be used again. Slowly, they're both spending time with one another not because they have to, but just because they can. Little bits at first, not too far outside what they already were doing, but those little bits turned into long bits to a point where the other person's company was genuinely desirable.
As time passes, Juniper probably realises that he doesn't genuinely know much about himself or what hobbies he's into, because he never really had the time when he got big, and his home life in his youth wasn't bad, but it wasn't picturesque. I think Reggie would pick up on it, and absolutely try to introduce him to some things he's into. Some things stick, other things don't (corn husking very much stays Reggie's passion, and John will go with him sometimes because it's him, but it's not something he strongly cares for). Crane introduces him to a lot of music, and it's something that becomes a staple between them, with tracks they listen to more than others (tragically, I know relatively little about 60s music so I couldn't really say what). Occasionally they dance, never anything intense, think slow dancing, but the closeness is nice.
Through all of it, Juniper is battling the worst crush of his life, and he can't stand it, because I think he struggles to read people since he doesn't have anything like a script or a director to refer back to, so he has no idea if Reggie likes him back or if he's just desperate for that to be true. I think because of that any sort of confession between them would be incredibly raw, not only because of the time they live in making it hard for them to be truthful about how they love, but because it's a complete show of Juniper who's worked to be this better person. I don't exactly know how that would go, mainly because I don't have one set version of their dynamic, this post is just a generalisation of main consistent points.
Reggie does like him back, because he's gotten used to Juniper being just this guy, not a figure in the public eye, not a Zoraxis lackey, and not any sort of Agency operative (despite being under their care to some degree). He's someone he genuinely cares for, because they've given one another the time of day to learn one another, and I think because Reggie was a field agent, he was a lot better at reading Juniper than Juniper was at reading him. Eventually Juniper's company becomes something he could see around him for the rest of his life, and I think he accepts that he likes Juniper a lot more gracefully.
I think any affection directed at Juniper would at first be met with him feeling a little muddled. Reggie was a very physically affectionate person when he could be, and sure the initial flirting with one another came with the occasional little touches, but everything now was so deeply intentional. I also don't think Juniper would almost ever get over the novelty of being able to kiss him, or many other gestures, because it made the fact that they were together so very real, and it was great. I do think it comes easier to Reggie, and it's a big way of showing how much he cares, so it's important for Juniper to try and show it back because he knows how much it means to the other.
I like the idea of them eventually living with one another, too. I think Juniper would have always had a quiet little daydream of sorts where he does just live a domestic quiet life, and he can with Reggie (well, as close as they can get between the Agency and Zoraxis always being at odds), and he loves that, and he loves him, and it's immense.
I think they cook for one another a lot, it helps Juniper work on his dexterity in a controlled environment, which means a lot because it's a huge point of insecurity (that and his scars). He does improve, and Crane is proud of that and shows it and it's great. I also think they'd probably cook together too, because they can deal with being in the kitchen together and they work well with one another. It's probably a good way for them to unwind because over time they can do it in relative silence.
As I said before, I also think music is a staple in their household, and that Reggie listens to things on vinyl almost all of the time because he likes the background noise. Sometimes Juniper will catch him chuntering along to the music which he finds endlessly endearing. I wouldn't put it past his dramatic ass to also join in to fluster Reggie, but I also don't think Reggie would mind that terribly because Juniper has listened to the music enough to know the lyrics, and that's huge to him.
I don't think they are without rough patches, no relationship is, but I think the good part about them is that they're willing to talk about it (... eventually). They're used to long conversations, and while they're often less fun conversations, they're needed and they know that, and it works out.
Alright. I think I'm done for now. I haven't mentioned everything, but this definitely got the worst of it out of my system. If you ever want to hear any specific thoughts my ask box is open but other than that, behold my general dynamic for these two which has been festering in my head for years. I think they're great
#ty right-agent for explicitly telling me that this would be welcomed you a real one#i had a massive babble to my friend abt what if they all feed me to the hounds for speaking#and he said “girl that fandom is like 12 people big they need you to speak” and yeah that also helped#i have a hard time talking if I'm not asked/prompted to that's why i adding tags is great for me. that and i like the format#anyways.#THESE TWO.............dear lord can you tell I have been unwell abt them forever..#this is propeganda (/j) for them. btw. please you have to understand the potential here. it's so good.#it's slowburn <- my (probably) demiromantic ass cannot handle romance without a build up and this set up is perfect (it will never happen)#also i find it easier to write ANYTHING between these two from Juniper's perspective because i find it easier to get into his head#idk reggie is like the gay version of the: what is he thinking of? i could take a bear in a fight. audio ive heard.#whereas with juniper i have him trapped under a microscope#im going to tag this now so i can use the remaining tags to RANT#ieytd#john juniper#reginald crane#junicrane#starstruck#i expect you to die#<- being BRAVE!!!#when I get really excited i start getting like this internal shaking feeling and uh. yeah this rant started that#the worst part abt that is it also triggers my tourettes so like. double whammy. excited about blorbos? jail :(#but. yeah I uh. yeah. sorry this IS so long..I did warn but . AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHHHAUUUUUUAHHHHHHHHHHHHH#also i did this rant in 2 parts. last night and this morning so yeah uh. yeah.#god im so messed up about these two#make me a boat by the family crest came on while wroting this and while it's mainly a roxanix song to me......AUUUUUG.....#i struggle to find music for these sillies because they have such a specific vibe to me amd I've not quite managed to find something which -#- genuinely feels correct for them and it drives me up the WALL#GOD NIGHT SHIFT JUST CAME OF SHUFFL.....all my ieytd songs are coming out to drive me up the wall.......#FINISHED I've been adding tags as I've gone alonga#thank you for reading hope you enoyed and if you didn't im sorry
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kiloton please show up in more transformers media
#kiloton#megatron#impactor#i mean he’s there and technically he’s kiloton sooooooo…..#transformers#maccadam#transformers g2#the manga at least? i think#haha gay 🫵#i saw a posts by decepti-thot talking abt kiloton#& i was like. people NEED to draw/write/make content abt kiloton i’m fucking starving out here#and then i remembered. i can draw :0#& also i have brushes i need to try out. which i did!#& i adore this actually#i straight up can’t add the lines alone so. this is all ur getting 😔#kilomegs
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forgive me if you've been asked this before or if its annoying, but how did you learn to use colored pencils like that? your art is so special to me.
ty :) I took an art class for a few years where our teacher had us buy prismacolor pencils as one of the art supplies and had us use them kinda like paints, pressing down hard right away and blending the colors together. its not how youre supposed to use them she was just trying to teach us to use color and ig this was more to the point. I picked them up again years after i stopped going to that class just bc they were there and i wanted to play around w them a bit and ended up actually enjoying it when doing it on my own terms lol
#it was a weird class#it was just this russian lady doing private lessons in her house that my mom learned about somehow#I did NOT like those classes all we did was still life and they were hours long which is esp rough when im in high school and busy#and she wanted us to stand while working the whole time bc tradition i guess?#she did allow me to work sitting but thought i was lazy for it. idk dude i dont want to exhaust myself fast for no reason#standing is a lot more tiring than walking#i def did still benefit from those classes just from learning to accurately draw from life#did not like the teacher tho#on one hand shed paid for the art supplies for kids whos families were too poor to (and these are nice expensive supplies)#which is very nice#but on the other she was very homophobic and open about it#like when they legalized gay marriage she went on a rant about how horrible it is that they can adopt kids now#and also kind of racist#she was telling me how she got blocked from a facebook group bc she made a post asking if she could speak to a white person#and she didnt realize she was posting that publicly she thought it was a private message to the group owner#im honestly still not sure i heard/understood her correctly bc it was so bizzare and the only time i ever remember her being racist#she talked abt it like she genuienly was unaware it was racist#she described it as a misunderstanding bc she accidentally posted it publicly instead of privately#like it wouldnt have been racist to ask that at all#also one time she talked about how she saw demons in her home once#also she doesnt vaccinate her kids bc of microchips#she was like a walking russian stereotype lol#anyway heres some ink the artist lore
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spent the first hour and change at work deleting some old files and am having a grand ol time laughing at myself for not realizing i was a lesbian sooner
#vulnerable tag rambles ahead please be kind abt them i didnt intent to ramble this much but i dont wanna delete it eitehr#me to every single man i have ever dated after 6mo-1y: yeah hey this really isnt working out i dont really know why but i really hate mysel#and i dont want to blame you because i dont think you did anything inherently wrong here; i think this is something about me but i need#space to figure out why im feeling this way [every single one reacted by telling me No i wasnt allowed to leave btw]#i hold very complex feelings about these relationships esp bc of them ending in very violent/chaotic ways most of the time#but its interesting to look back at it all and realize ive left every man for the same reason (which is that ive hated myself Every Single#Time ive dated a man) and its funny bc i recognized the self hate pretty early on w/ cishet men but when it came to queer men it was#much more confusing (esp w/ nto knowing Any lesbians at that point in my life). im so happy im a lesbian tbh#i have a lot of issues w/ the racism fatphobia and transmisogyny present in lesbian groups#and also coming out as a lesbian really truly saved my life. before i met my wife i was quite literally in a 3yr abusive relationship that#definitely would have died in if i hadnt realzied i was a lesbian and ran from him#its also weird seeing liek the hard evidence of the things that happened to me btween 2016-2020 tbh#cause that was such a bad time of my life. i truly dont know how i survived it but im so glad i did#like the three major relationships in my life b4 meeting my wife was: guy who was in college when i was in HS who stalked me when i left;#guy who was a year younger than me who cheated on me the entire time while telling me he was being victimized (he wasnt; this was very mess#guy who saw the very messy toxic ldr i was in and helped me dump my ex then decided that meant we were in a relationship [insert 3 yrs here#and admittedly all 3 years with him werent the same level of abusive but it was definitely unhealthy from the start considering I Didnt Kno#we were together until he wanted to celebrate vday and got mad i didnt know our anniversary - and like this isnt including the other stuff#that happened between those Relatonships[tm] (cause ive never been monogamous; these were just the Major Relationships)#like i genuinely think if i hadnt come out i'd be dead rn given just how dangerous my relationships were/continued getting#i am also so tired now that ive seen all this cause like. fuck i can barely believe it and i not only lived it but have PTSD about it#i should write about my life sometime. i feel like it'd be cathartic to try and make a tangible timeline and stories from the years ang stu#anyway yeah. be nice about the tag rambles. dont message me with pity or curiosity or anything about this. i dont usually talk abt this stu#publicly bc i hate the ways ppl start tryign to baby me when they realize my life has been extremely fucked up until only a few years ago#n im still working on accepting kindness from others bc of [insert life traumas here] but its a long process so pls respect my need for jus#being heard rn w/o too much pressure< 3 (but ig if u do read this can u like it cause i feel a little crazy seeing all the evidence of the#stuff i experienced now also cause fuck ik logically it was but also i cant believe it was all real still yk)
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a friend who'd wait :)
#im posting this very late because i was sort of weary of how it came out and ended up messing w it until it was like 4am oops.#and i have plans tmrw so... oh well! i did my best and ill put it out while i can!#and i tried to make the scene match barnard's colors lol#finn's ocs#finn's art#i know i said id do more sillay stuff with the simpler screentone only style but i had a couple more of these in me#and this is the first piece im making thats like an actual part of the story too rather than just setting stuff for fun#i wanna write something to go with it too but for now ill just sort of briefly explain the context in the tags here:#barnard has a pretty bad case of OCD and his compulsions have made it difficult to make friends in the past#he was never outright bullied or anything but people just didnt really have the patience to deal with it#he has compulsions that include stuff like walking through doors until it feels right and needing things to be perfectly aligned#which in group settings has lead to people having to wait for him to finish his rituals and join them#they might find it tolerable at first but eventually they grow impatient and hes just... not invited to stuff anymore#but juno is a newer member of the guild who ends up frequenting the same library. hes also kinda a little weird#and they dont become fast friends or anything but just sort of naturally spend time in the same place#though they never plan meetups they eventually fall into a routine. around the same time theyd just both be at the library#and read next to each other. and maybe talk a bit. and eventually they end up walking back to the guildhall together#since theyre going to the same place after all. and juno always waits for barnard outside the door#eventually barnard asks if this bothers him. juno kinda just tells him 'of course it does' without any malice or anything. just a statement#barnard is surprised and apologizes and juno says not to. but the next day juno doesnt show up at the usual time.#barnard assumes hes committed somekinda more by bringing it up. he ends up staying there late reading to get his mind off it & not ruminate#but when he leaves juno is in fact still waiting for him down the hall (see pic) having collected a bunch of books literally abt ocd#he fell asleep bc barnard stayed later than expected. and hes an eepy guy generally. and also one very bad at expressing himself#but now barnard gets that juno's 'of course it [bothers me]' had the implication of 'but its worth it' which no friend has previously done.#and from the interaction juno was also able to understand that this isn't something barnard just does for the hell of it so. he studies.#and checks a bunch of stuff out because he thinks it could help his friend too (theres ocd workbooks and such- i remember working w them)#and thats the point where they became more ''friends'' than ''pleasant library acquaintances''#from there on they also do get into juno's problems. whole other bag of worms. but this specific scene is more about bernard from his pov#sorry about when i said briefly explain. i lied </3#but compared to the whole sequence im picturing its brief so shhh
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this nemesis ambition started out a little slow but I am getting closer to finding that bastard who killed my wife, and I’ll not rest a minute now that im far closer to on his trail
sorry got in character for a second
Anyways fun ambition so far very fucked up though
congratulations on joining the murder club anon!!!! depending on who you ask the name refers to either people who have murdered or people who have witnessed murder. usually both. actually extremely often both. it's a swell time you'll feel right at home (don't mind our collective skyglass knife collection in the back)
#im still not far into nemesis personally but im very much enjoying it#honestly in a weird way it feels like it's moving faster than HD did. which. is funny bc nemesis is like The gated behind item grinds quest#idk. HD was a fun slowburn where we adventured around gathering our rogues gallery before the action kicked in#nemesis on the other hand feels like im picking up halfway through a batman serial#fallen london#ask#it's WAY more fucked up right off the bat than HD was. honestly ive thought abt red honey for ages. that's so fucked up#and we LEAD with that?? Okay#definitely a horrors-filled ambition befitting caeru (the guy who's constantly going through horrors)#it really encourages you to get fucked up and freaky and in ur character's headspace at basically every step along the way#i only have HD to compare it too but HD was like. a lot more interpretative in comparison? at least to me. that's what it felt like#and i adore HD for that dont get me wrong here#HD just also waited until like. halfway through before it asked what the scoundrel actually Wanted out of its heart's desire#nemesis in comparison is right off the bat who died? who are you mourning? anguish. justice. there must be vengeance.#it's a delightfully different vibe!! i like it!!!#oh god sorry anon im doing the classic yin talking way too much in the tags thing again#i havent had much excuse to talk abt nemesis and what i think of it so far and of course its rp effects on caeru#but i do have a handful of thoughts on it#it's good. im liking it so far. it's starting very strong if nothing else. and i have no spoiler knowledge of what happens in the future#beyond the choice between rewards at the very end#and im SO curious how we'll get to that point. what horrors will we adventure through next? off we go to find out!#it's biggest glaring weakness so far is how horrendously grindy it is. and like. ive been warned and done my research ahead of time#im doing it on the same account im seeking. i knew what i was getting into. but also gots damn.#in comparison HD's 5-card lodgings and dreamgate feel like footnotes#anyway while im already way too deep into rambling did you know the honey trip gives you fate?? insane. why does it do that. hilarious even
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