#which I think is EXTREMELY unlikely
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I'm sorry but people who actually think Mizuki will make an attempt on her life or actually enjoy the idea of that happening in canon are like. So weird to me. A character lives through a horrific traumatic event and your reaction to it is "ooooh I wonder if we'll get a suicide attempt hurt/comfort scene out of it?" um. That's concerning. I am concerned.
#jay rambles.txt#suicide tw#tw sui talk#I think people are reaching for the hanged girl symbolism a bit but then again reaching for symbolism is one thing#we Have seen outright disturbing n25 and other unit card symbolism - it's nothing new#but *foreshadowing*? that's too much. I think you're way too happy about that possibility existing even if it does -#which I think is EXTREMELY unlikely#yes we already had Mafuyu in the main story but none of what she did was even remotely as graphic as what some people here are talking about#like even if we do get that plot. it's not happening in the way you think. and us getting that plot is already unlikely and would be#Not a Good Writing point overall imo
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It was a kiss between a man and his wife, and when it was over, the king closed his eyes and rested his forehead against the hollow of the queen’s shoulder, like a man seeking respite, like a man reaching home at the end of the day.
hi, i'm very cool and normal about these books, don't worry about me
on ao3 here
#WinASignedSetofTheQueensThief2024#the queen's thief#queen's thief#king of attolia#my art#i maked this#costis ormentiedes#eugenides#attolia irene#the extremely cool and normal kiss scene#which i am very cool and normal about#i didn't read the Queen's Thief novels long enough ago to do a redraw but#i seem to have fallen so deep into these books that i don't think i'm clawing my up any time soon.#i mean????? look at them. what am i supposed to do#be normal about this??#unlikely#hamiathes's gift exchange#meme redraw
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When you're one of the most selfish mc who only saves people because it's part of a job you never wanted and did not get to chose or you would've died, who took your co-workers' morals and ideals because you didn't have any and desperately wanted to fit in somewhere, be it with the heroes or the villains, who's activelly haunted by one the most tragic past to have been created and suffer from a psychosis so bad (dare I say schizophrenia) that even your enemies acknowledged that you are mentally ill and objectively flawed in your judgement, never hesitated to try to kill anyone and has the most egoistic reason to be a good person but the fandom still thinks you're just a kind crybaby "I don't know what a gun is" homosexual twink.
#him being refered as an angel by Shibuzawa is FUCKING IRONIC !!#ASAGIRI IS ALWAYS IRONIC WHEN IT COMES TO LIGHT NOVELS CENTERED AROUND ATSUSHI#Ex : The plot of 55min being parallele to the Decay of Angels arc#He's also called the Man-eating tiger and yes I do think that Dazai lied to him when he said he never ate anyone to preserve his psyche#and was also called “the man who can see the future” and has time travelled with Akutagawa like why aren't we talking about that#his relationship with Mori is also actually good#Mori is one if not the only character who saved and helped Atsushi during their first meeting and kept good contacts with him#because yes Atsushi has seen Mori knowing that he was the pm boss off-screen and they had a normal exchange#I also think that Shibuzawa Atsushi and Fyodor are connected to a form of Holy Trinity#Believer/God/Angel or Messenger#Joseph/Jesus/Mary#or Fyodor and Atsushi as Jesus and Judas#but the instance of trinity in bsd are dare I say extreme#Oda/Ango/Dazai#Sigma/Fyodor/Nikolai#Atsushi/Akutagawa/Kyoka#and so on#and the whole situation around his ability which is unlike any other#It turns him into Byakko (her own being) (similar to Natsume) and nullify his wounds no matter how lethal (similar to Dazai and Yosano)#and enhance him even with his ability off making him constantly stronger than other characters and dare I say equal to the hunting dogs#yk the MODIFIED humans#and the plot of both 55mins and Dead Apple being around abilities and giving us Atsushi lore make me think that Atsushi and Byakko are 1/2#probably a sort of higher being since some abilities are very religious centered (how Fyodor sees abilities and Shibuzawa) 2/2#but I think it would lend toward a “sinner” position which would be crazy because that Atsushi would then probably be the reason why Fyodor#hates abilities so much if Atsushi and Byakko are somehow be connected to the “sin” of abilities#and so you guys know Atsushi's orphanage was a church so yes he's related to christianity#and the Decay of Angels is LITTERALY full of religious people to different degrees#and it would be ironic (once again) if the antagonists were the “Angels” and the protagonist a demon#I just realized that I did a lot of typos sorry I got too excited#but yeah keep calling bsd bad written (we're on barely chap.115 no good manga was finished by chap.115 guys just wait for the rest to drop)
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all the while society conflates "being an adult" with "having a proper job" and "having money to make arbitrary Adult Purchases" disabled people who can't work - or can only work part time or can only do entry level baby jobs - will never be 'allowed' to be adults
you can say "being an adult is looking after yourself you don't have to have a job!!!" all you want but most people who say that will still assume anybody who doesn't either can't or won't 'look after themselves' actually. and every 'marker' of 'adulthood' that's observable and thus actually counts or whatever loops back around to... having a job and 'contributing' something
#yeah i have netflix on all day#i am quite literally signed off of work for the -rest of my life-#what the fuck else would you like me to do with my time when most people are in fact at work#or did you think i can't have the tv on and put laundry away at the same time or something#must i work on commissions on silence in a dour room to be perceived as an adult#anyway 'looking after yourself/your home/your pet' is not observable#to anybody who doesn't like ACTUALLY live in your house#unless you are extremely obviously NOT doing it#if a tree falls in a forest etc#owning a house? job. like not even 'in this economy? lol'#disabled people LITERALLY can't because we aren't allowed to have enough savings for a deposit#car? would you honestly trust me with a vehicle lol but also: job#you mostly cannot buy a car without one it's a requirement for the lease#otherwise you aren't 'trusted' to pay it on time#incidentally most landlords will also - perfectly legally - refuse to rent to you because you are going to be unreliable with the rent#which is being paid directly by the gov anyway like take your trust issues up with them bro#a family? if i get married or cohabit with a partner my income gets sliced in half#so to support even myself let alone a child would require. drumroll please. employment#savings? adults have savings right? yeah but unlike you i have a gov enforced cap on mine#'good furniture not shit from ikea' (someone has remarked that ikea furniture is 'college dorm-y' it's going here)#i mean do i have to say it
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thursday quest - no physical therapy today - make and eat lunch sooooo early but i can do it!!!!! - get ready for wedding - attend wedding! yay! (: - decompress well when i get home <3
#its thursday quest#god i'm so anxious about it autism style. so many uncertainties that i simply cannot account for alone. but i'm being sooo 'brave' about it#(keeping it to myself. except for posting about it)#taxi company hasn't texted me the drivers' details yet and i emailed them to be like ummmm your policy is to pay before the day#would you like to email me the payment details so i can do that? and they were like 'we'll send the driver details soon' ummmm#there isn't much soon left!!!!!!! it's happening tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!#they're probably just not Organised™ in the way i prefer to be. which is objectively fine it's just challenging for me personally.#i do not think it's Bad but!!!!! i've never taken a taxi before <- guy who Is Scared Of Taxis Specifically but has to face#their fears because they're disabled and have no other choice.#worst case i am down the money and no-one arrives to take me home i guess :P but it'll be afternoon AND my family are there so#in theory i could just get a lift home even though that would mess up other people's plans sooooo bad. UNLESS they have already drunk uhhhh#in which case i guess i'd just ask for help calling a taxi to the place. plany of people who can do such things easily (unlike me)#it'll be fine!!! i can ask my siblings if need be bc they are so niceys and will not get mad at me for being autistic o7#My other worry is being too hot and being in a rush getting ready bc i have to eat a proper meal due to the symptoms syndromes#and we are leaving when my lunch usually is so that's a whole thing. which ALSO doesn't matter and I can do! it's just hard!#where is that post that's like 'managed mental illness can look like absence of mental illness ���'. NOT saying being autistic is mental#illness i am saying that the specific extreme anxiety i have is for me linked to autistic issues with 'the unknown' and boy. does this#social situation also have a lot of unknown.#BUT I CAN DO IT! and dare i say even have a nice time!!!!! it's just i get so so scared beforehand but i will not express it in a way that#impacts or inconveniences anyone else!!! i can handle it by myself at my house and it'll be fine
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Oc aged up? Redesign? Doodle
#goal was to make him 2x as unlikeable than before lmao#I think story bits are putting themselves together#older cot is now in a position of leadership#Vv left the team or retired for reasons after a big fight#during which xieran lost an eye and all of them got traumatized#cot grapples with the feeling of betrayal from Vv leaving them but also understanding of their reasons and cot’s own desire to retire#cot doesn’t like playing by the rule book anymore and actively goes out of their way to make things difficult for everyone besides xieran#ie getting paperwork done on time and then hiding it so the people who need it can’t find it or have to go to extreme lengths to find it#stops caring altogether for the organization which they work for#maybe even has several contingencies or leverage to bring the organization down to its knees#and instead of using it just dangles it over their head for the amusement of their grappling and vulnerability#their own petty revenge for what he perceives as the organization forcing his closest friend to break under pressure and leave#he also knows fully well that bringing down the organization would be forcing the several hundreds under their employment into poverty#which he doesn’t do mostly because xieran still exists as a voice of reason for them#probably feels some amount of guilt for being the only unharmed out of the battle that injured xieran and pushed Vv to retirement#after all their role is never at the front line. at the best they are a distance attacker#because they insist on bringing a gun to a sword fight
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Fun family fact is that my great grandpa would claim he was a Hungarian prince in Sweden in the 1930s to seem more interesting, and tonight I learned that my cousin has claimed to be a Swedish prince to get into places in London. Apparently it worked.
#it was his friend who said it but he rolled with it#strong family tradition#great grandpa had the looks for it#and was an artist with an unknown father which was pretty outre at the time#cousin is also objectively good looking and extremely tall. i think that helps.#and was probably hanging out in company that would make it not extremely unlikely let's be fair#family feature
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#I also keep seeing modern au aubrey-maturin art#that makes me wish I could draw and thereby contribute#unfortunately I can't even *write* modern aus generally. but I like transferring character dynamics from place to place in my brain#and I feel like I could do a university AU very nicely if I could do AUs at all#because I have had rowers in my class with as far as I could tell jack's exact personality#(unfortunately it has to be a US university AU because (a) that's what I know and (b) afaik nobody else does randomly assigned roommates)#(and I cannot pass up the opportunity for randomly assigned roommates.#OR RATHER#for 'you seem more or less human - quick let's request each other so we don't have to go into potluck'#I think that works best)#(but maybe they are both international students anyway. that works fine. & therefore extremely alarmed by potluck [can't say they're wrong]#sophie is a sorority girl. english major I think. and I can see her so clearly#(she's the part I want to draw)#she's not that into the high-octane social schedule her sorority expects her to have#but her pushy mother was a member and it is Unthinkable that sophie should not be#and a lot of the other girls are sweet :) so it's fine :) she says#feel like she has roommate issues (unlike her original self she is able to live away from mrs williams so this makes up for that)#so she's always over in jack and stephen's room. people who know her tangentially sometimes gossip about which one she's actually dating#(at that particular moment it is actually neither of them she's just hanging out with stephen)#diana freed from the shackles of 19th century womanhood creates even more and weirder drama than in canon#idk I just want to see the plot of post captain played out over text message#don't ask me HOW idk HOW i just want it#stephen is a biology major/pre-med obvs. if he can survive organic chemistry#jack is some kind of engineering major. I think he'd enjoy that with the math. diana has changed her major 7 times#(I don't know whether to put jack in rotc. I don't think it Actually actually fits - he's in the navy in canon because he's in the navy#not bc he's Inevitably Military In All Worlds. he would not want to do that if he didn't get to sail#but at the same time I find it hard to picture him not belonging to Discipline somehow.#it's more than a disinterested passion for cleanliness that drives him to wash stephen's mug for him that has had coffee and ramen in it#(and NOT in that order)#in the bathroom sink
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Thing about small italian villages is that the didnt really have roads up until the 70's which of course leads to a massive amount of cousin marriage and inbreeding and while yes my particular own has its issues regarding that (3 major families (one of whom i am part of!!! Yay!!!) that all of the other families are related to, everyone there has bone/joint problems or some sort of schizofrenia) the neighboring one is worse as in they have one major family and the rest of the inhabitants are ppl who immigrated to have a quiet life in the mountain slopes and that by itself could be an extremely interesting study bcs everyone there kinda looks the same-ish and has a frankly insane amount of people with developmental disabilities for a population this small
#ok now that i have typed it out i realized it sounds mean and i want to earnestly say that i am not mocking them i just suck at tone#i do not think its something to be laughed at i just think the whole thing is uh. i wouldnt say tragic but really no one's fault#bcs again. if you live in the mountains where the main city is hard to reach bcs of poor road conditions#which leads to isolation and also extreme stigma against the village folk *of course* the village#will become more secluded and incestuous marriages will happen (aside from the obv economical factor#that a pre industrial reality would entrail)#its just. fascinating on a sociological and genetical level. esp since by when the roads were functional#and the village folk stigma had already gone away the whole 'we stay here we stay together we are better than anyone bcs they are envious#of us and we will continue inbreeding and any kids with severe disabilities born from it are actually Blessed because they are born from us#has already taken so much root it is now unlikely to be eradicated . the nature of italian villages is that every once in a while#someone reinvents blood purity and eugenetics lmao#anyways this whole incest thing is also the reason why i get frustrated about those books that have#the main characters go into small bigoted villages and either finding peace there or be horrified by its conservatives ideas#while never digging on the *why*. like yeah all this 'what happens in the village stays in the village and everyone else is an enemy'#but they never dig into why that mentality was born to begin with and how incest there#actively helps this mentality to continue on like you legit still have grandmas telling you to marry ur cousin#anw. i dont know what i was going for w this rant. it originated from knowing that my aunt turned local saint#was actually schizophrenic and was prone to paranoid attacks and mental breakdowns similar to mine#fun stuff!
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#huntclaire#i was going to reblog this from the source but i didn't want to ramble in their mentions. this will be long#i've been thinking about this post for some days now and i couldn't write why it fit huntclaire so well but i think i can now#i like huntclaire because i do believe they bring out the best of each other but mostly. they bring out the worst of each other#<- and i think that's good. for their (eventual) relationship and for their individual characters#i think before hunt and claire can have a relationship they need to engage with each other in a sincere way. and they do not do that.#they are incapable of that. they're both stuck in their ideas of themselves/each other that they are simply blind to the reality of things#they are both... extremely flawed human beings. as we all are. but they're too self-important to realise that. which is another flaw#hunt thinks His arrogance is a virtue (delusional). claire thinks she's humble (also delusional).#both are very fond of pointing flaws in other people while being unaware of their own. they cannot TALK with each other as long as they#think like this. hunt needs to get over himself and claire needs to know herself#i must make you aware of things you do not see. unsure if it's meant to be taken just in a positive sense but i'm user wesposting#it's good when your partner challenges your idea of things. and i think these are two individuals that need to be constantly challenged#hunt needs someone to tell him to his face that he's kind of a dick sometimes. and claire needs someone to point out the flaws in her logic#they need to be questioned challenged they need to stop and think about themselves. they need to be wrong. only then they can be sincere#they need to be wrong and wrong again and then again. conflict between them is what moves them forward as characters#most of all they annoy each other so much because they see so much of themselves in one another. but acknowledging that is uncomfortable#it's uncomfortable to know yourself through the other#claire's case is interesting because she feels a ucs. Need to make hunt like her. but she's terribly unaware of what makes her unlikeable#<- she's fallen for her own façade. she needs to stop and dig through her bugs.#alsolol i like how both of them are hypocritical. i think it's fun when characters have double standards. i think they suck. but i like the#anyway i must make you aware of the things you do not see. there's things about each other that they also do not see. at first#when they are sincere. when they. Talk. hunt learns claire is not That brash and she can be very insightful when she wants to. does she kno#that? and like i Guess hunt can be caring sometimes even if he's like totally annoying and weird about it. whatever. does he know that?#the artist sees good and bad. they must also see the good and the bad in each other. i think.
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pursuing a lupus diagnosis is sometimes extremely funny. lately every doctor i go to is like "okay so this is. definitely lupus. with very specific complications. but i'm not putting that diagnosis on paper because lupus is a lazy diagnosis and it's never lupus. except in your case. in which it is lupus" i know the USUAL experience is people being disbelieved by doctors for Years when they try to tell them they likely have lupus & that WAS my experience three years back, but NOW i've had a lucky combo of well-timed test results and symptoms that have led to a general attitude of "okay i literally can't find any explanation OTHER than lupus with very specific complications. but i'd be more comfortable if you got diagnosed by a rheumatologist instead" and then the rheumatologist you're referred to literally never calls you back to schedule bc they're so overbooked due to consequences of the COVID pandemic so your normal doctor is stuck managing your constellation of technically-undiagnosed symptoms, that could technically be anything, except for how. they are lupus. with very specific complications.
#autoimmune tag#if i DO end up getting a different diagnosis i'll eat my SHORTS. but it's. Extremely Unlikely at this point.#short-term lupus treatment basically cured me n i have literally every component required for a diagnosis save a specific antibody positive#which i think isnt 100% required even. especially w my positive ANA. but some docs wont diagnose without it#a podcast vi likes just put out an ep about lupus n they were listening to it like 'jesus kitkat you really are textbook'#i KNOWWWWWWW. what a wild body to live in.#this has been your daily medical oversharing. now that im covid free im feeling my usual autoimmune symptoms again#and im like. dammit. the covid was actually a nice vacation. aside from the hell.
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what can I say? I listed to safe and sound a lot today. The “don’t you dare look out your window, darling everything’s on fire” line was a little too literal
#Taylor swift#Swiftie#wildfire#Climate change#lyrics#safe and sound#red#don’t worry I’m safe#the fire would have to burn down half my city to get to me… which would be a extremely different level of bad and also extremely unlikely#I think it’s contained now anyway with no structures at risk
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Just finished SoJ.... man I miss when Ace Attorney was good.
#its just like... man. this case was almost extremely enjoyable. the case logic was good the mystery was satisfying#there was even the dhurke twist that swept the rug out from under me in quite an enjoyable way#i managed to figure out all the other twists heading into the final case but we'll be generous and call it good forshadowing#but i just feel like so many of these narrative beats feel hollow bc nahyuta is so thoroughly unlikable and his switch feels unearned to me#and then dont get me started on the crappy mocap. it undercuts several moments that should be dramatic or emotional#and man just imagine if we had known any of this about apollo before. how much less stapled on it would feel?#and then the whole theme they point to at the end about students and mentors could have been compelling... but imagine how much more#compelling it would have been if phoenix and apollo werent jockeying for screen time for the past three games and instead apollo actually#got to have something. but no...#but i have to say the thing that really left a sour taste in my mouth was the conversation between Phoenix and Thalassa at the end#if there was EVER a game where Trucy and Apollo's familial ties should have been revealed. it should have been this one.#this game has a whole case that deals again with the Gramarye legacy in a way that feels like its teeing this convo up#not to mention all the stuff about Apollo's family and history it dives into.#this SHOULD have been the game they told them.#but no. instead we get a vauge conversation at the end just to remind the player that no! the developers haven't forgotten!#they arent just ignoring the fact! they're shoving it in our faces and telling us to remember that they're ignoring it#it just left the game on a really poor note for me#especially because i would hope the the writing out of Apollo leaves space for Athena to shine#but if they want to resolve the siblings plot which they are very pointedly reminding us of.. that requires bringing Apollo back#and i would think warrants at least the length of a case to deal with the emotional repercussions#but whatever#man i hope dgs is as good as people say it is cause right now im just pissed at this game.#ace attorney critical#spirit of justice critical
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this is definitely not the first time war has ended up on tumblr.net but it’s still wild to see people learn about the horrific haze of wartime reporting and chains of knowledge amidst a fandom-esque desire to be right all time time. “You can’t believe that all you have is witness testimonies, military reports and foreign news agents” girl how do you THINK information gets reported in a war
#Like I hate to break it to you there’s no easy tally you���re ever going to find about Exactly what’s on the ground and we’ll probably never#Know the exact details of a lot of this and certainly not for a long long time#It’s pulled out a lot of peoples anti Arab racism and antisemitism and at the heard ot both those very parallel ideologies#Is a belief in shifty people who lie about things#So in general: the response? Hell#Added levels of many people not being anglophones so there’s like#Anglophone news media trying to communicate in rapid time with extremely distraught people whose primary langauge is Arabic or Hebrew#This is to say that I haven’t found any solid evidence of the 40 babies which would be statistically unlikely from the 70 ish casualties in#In that kibbutz#And I think that came from an outsider American journalist?#However manyyyy sources have independently confirmed that many children have been found dead and beheadings have happened
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context: my main plan for 2024 in my journal was "figure out the future & what I'm going to do & where I'm going to live" thinking about summer maybe except last friday during a particularly bad work-related depressive episode I went, fuck it I'm leaving here and found a site and applied for cheap studios in cork and dublin basically in the middle of the night. when I got better I started wondering if I REALLY wanted to leave and may have acted too soon without thinking it through as usual but decided that, you know, what's meant to happen will happen.
then this morning when I was washing my breakfast dishes I dropped a bowl on top of my favourite (and very durable) glass and the glass just snapped in half. at first I was upset but then I laughed thinking, guess this means everything is going to work out and I'm moving out, thanks!! and when I got back from work I found out that not only did I get a place in dublin but my top pick at that. I cannot believe this. the fucking glass. and it was actually still stable so I glued it back together to use for a plant or something. I fixed it. I wonder what it means. anyway. looks like things will work out after all
(it's got a dragon and that's why it's my favourite. out of two. the other one I just use for measuring rice.)
#personal#sofi.txt#text#multiple thoughts in my head#if superstition then why does it work?#the funniest thing is that i overthink tiny things but make big life changing decisions on impulse but somehow they're right#it was so random too because the cork apartment (which i wanted but got declined) was available since may so that's the date i applied for#even with the others#so i'm left with may but 4 months is the perfect amount of time to find a job and still save enough money here to make the move ok#the place is basically a shed in a lady's garden the size of my current living room but it's extremely cool and has everything one needs#and more than i have here in some cases. a DESK#it doesn't look unlike my childhood dream home tbh#and. thinking of palestinians living in tents who don't even have the one room and how lucky i am to be able to have that#or leave this small town willingly for the sake of my own wellbeing and go elsewhere just like this & safe 😭#dublin has all the major events though and i feel like i can do more there and actually join ipsc (
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there are a lot of odd takes out there re succession but i do think pretending the ending doesnt make sense or was bad because it isnt what you wanted or your fav didnt come out on top is up there like...i was a kendallgirl team ken baby etc but to pretend that it going to tom is like. a badly constructed ending because you dont like tom is so baffling...surely you can separate the two. when has succession ever been about what people really getting what they deserve...did you think all the wrongs would be righted at the end. justice etc. when has this show or this family worked like that when has waystar worked like that...when has succession ever been about the siblings WINNING. be so serious
#matsson wanted a puppet he got a puppet. like people listing the things about tom which are bad and would make him a bad ceo and#im looking at them like yes yes all true also all exactly what matsson was after. did you watch the show#all of it going to tom and not a sibling is the best ending to me tbh like that powerhungry sycophantic little leech whos just#clinging on the whole way through and it goes to him. and all the family infighting comes 2 nothing its so miserably futile. idk#also as unlikeable as he is i think tom is an excellent character and also so funny like. one of the best characters in the show 2 me sorry#hes extremely enjoyable 2 me. remembering the takes that came out post tailgate party......christ#succession#SORRY my mum and i have nearly finished our rewatch weve only got the last ep left...after which i will be in a truly successionless state.#and probably ill die. also.
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