#which I think is EXTREMELY unlikely
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all you ever need is to be nice and friendly
#undescribed#bonk.png#great god grove#ggg#great god grove spoilers#ggg spoilers#first thing is like that post thats like ''making my fav do community service so i can enjoy them uncritically'' bc i think its funny#n SOMEONE is gonna have to clean up all the inspekta merch also gave him a gay little ponytail bc i had trouble with his hair#second thing is supposed to be that image thats a lady in heels standing ontop of a guy so she can get to the higher shelves in a store#but i COULDNT find it also thats meant to be vib stepping on capo but i didnt draw it too clearly tbh#third thing its not meant to be like genuine shippy rick's response to if u use the blush line on him is like a very specific thing of#romantic relationships not as connection but as a status symbol a material good to show you've made it a prize to show off#which is like catnip to me n also extremely not that deep within the game bc its entirely optional n goes nowhere but OUGHHHH.......#i have. a kajillion thoughts related to that kind of stuff but i dont have the words rn so i will say that in the unlikely scenario they did#get married i dont think they'd even live together or go on dates or anything its a relationship defined by being absent n squeaky clean#godpoke is in a wedding dress bc to me relationships that are a performance go hand in hand with forced conformity n closingoff authenticity#they get to be the bride bc rick is already the groom their face is hidden by a veil bc it doesnt particularly matter that its them#n the little crown holding it is mean to resemble the clippy part of the clipboard whats underneath the paper is irrelevant#theres more but again i dont have the brain for it rn#fourth thing ouppy ^w^ also related to the caption bc its just a line from my fav song from the first game
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When you're one of the most selfish mc who only saves people because it's part of a job you never wanted and did not get to chose or you would've died, who took your co-workers' morals and ideals because you didn't have any and desperately wanted to fit in somewhere, be it with the heroes or the villains, who's activelly haunted by one the most tragic past to have been created and suffer from a psychosis so bad (dare I say schizophrenia) that even your enemies acknowledged that you are mentally ill and objectively flawed in your judgement, never hesitated to try to kill anyone and has the most egoistic reason to be a good person but the fandom still thinks you're just a kind crybaby "I don't know what a gun is" homosexual twink.

#him being refered as an angel by Shibuzawa is FUCKING IRONIC !!#ASAGIRI IS ALWAYS IRONIC WHEN IT COMES TO LIGHT NOVELS CENTERED AROUND ATSUSHI#Ex : The plot of 55min being parallele to the Decay of Angels arc#He's also called the Man-eating tiger and yes I do think that Dazai lied to him when he said he never ate anyone to preserve his psyche#and was also called “the man who can see the future” and has time travelled with Akutagawa like why aren't we talking about that#his relationship with Mori is also actually good#Mori is one if not the only character who saved and helped Atsushi during their first meeting and kept good contacts with him#because yes Atsushi has seen Mori knowing that he was the pm boss off-screen and they had a normal exchange#I also think that Shibuzawa Atsushi and Fyodor are connected to a form of Holy Trinity#Believer/God/Angel or Messenger#Joseph/Jesus/Mary#or Fyodor and Atsushi as Jesus and Judas#but the instance of trinity in bsd are dare I say extreme#Oda/Ango/Dazai#Sigma/Fyodor/Nikolai#Atsushi/Akutagawa/Kyoka#and so on#and the whole situation around his ability which is unlike any other#It turns him into Byakko (her own being) (similar to Natsume) and nullify his wounds no matter how lethal (similar to Dazai and Yosano)#and enhance him even with his ability off making him constantly stronger than other characters and dare I say equal to the hunting dogs#yk the MODIFIED humans#and the plot of both 55mins and Dead Apple being around abilities and giving us Atsushi lore make me think that Atsushi and Byakko are 1/2#probably a sort of higher being since some abilities are very religious centered (how Fyodor sees abilities and Shibuzawa) 2/2#but I think it would lend toward a “sinner” position which would be crazy because that Atsushi would then probably be the reason why Fyodor#hates abilities so much if Atsushi and Byakko are somehow be connected to the “sin” of abilities#and so you guys know Atsushi's orphanage was a church so yes he's related to christianity#and the Decay of Angels is LITTERALY full of religious people to different degrees#and it would be ironic (once again) if the antagonists were the “Angels” and the protagonist a demon#I just realized that I did a lot of typos sorry I got too excited#but yeah keep calling bsd bad written (we're on barely chap.115 no good manga was finished by chap.115 guys just wait for the rest to drop)
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if we assume that each of the three pillars comes exactly three times for a total of nine times, and we know that the 7th time it was the 40-year guardian, and if we assume that was her final visit and the last two visits will be split between the 30-year guardian and the 8-year guardian, we can calculate how long ago the miharu family made that deal: (40x3)+(30x2)+(8x2)=196 years. 196 years ago it was 1828, but i think this is supposed to be set in the 1980s or 90s, so call it the late 1700s. that's the kind of thing matoba as the head of the matoba clan has to concern himself with - deals with youkai made by people 200 years ago from families that don't even exist anymore. it's an interesting contrast to the thing he says to natsume at the end of this arc, about the 9th visit, which is 30 years away, being someone else's problem. he's embroiled in the past but doesn't even think he'll get to have a future.
#however i don't think we can assume either 1) that each of the 3 pillars comes exactly 3 times#or 2) that the 7th visit was the 40-year guardian's final visit#based on the end of the arc when natsume asks who will come for the final visit and specifically asks if it will be#the 40-year guardian again. and matoba is just like idk not my problem#if they each come 3x then he should be able to predict which it will be for the 9th visit by process of elimination#(unless the miharu records are missing or something)#and if the 40-year guardian has already done all her tours then matoba should at least be able to say it won't be her. and he doesn't#but i still think 196 is a reasonable ballpark just because we know there have been 7 out of 9 visits#and they're splitting it between them in some way even if not perfectly equally#natsume's book of friends#natsume yuujinchou#matoba seiji#natsuyuu meta#miharu loquats arc#my posts#i think the only assumption we can safely make is that it's never the same guardian two times in a row#i guess the lower bound would be if the 8-year guardian and the 30-year guardian took turns for the first 6 visits#that would be (8x3)+(30x3)+40=154 years#and the upper bound would be if the 40-year guardian started and then switched off with the 30-year guardian up to visit 7#that would be (40x4)+(30x3)=250 years#both of which seem highly unlikely. so the reality has to be between those two extremes and 196 seems pretty reasonable#and in any case even if it was only 154 years ago...that's still a really long time ago
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thursday quest - no physical therapy today - make and eat lunch sooooo early but i can do it!!!!! - get ready for wedding - attend wedding! yay! (: - decompress well when i get home <3
#its thursday quest#god i'm so anxious about it autism style. so many uncertainties that i simply cannot account for alone. but i'm being sooo 'brave' about it#(keeping it to myself. except for posting about it)#taxi company hasn't texted me the drivers' details yet and i emailed them to be like ummmm your policy is to pay before the day#would you like to email me the payment details so i can do that? and they were like 'we'll send the driver details soon' ummmm#there isn't much soon left!!!!!!! it's happening tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!#they're probably just not Organised™ in the way i prefer to be. which is objectively fine it's just challenging for me personally.#i do not think it's Bad but!!!!! i've never taken a taxi before <- guy who Is Scared Of Taxis Specifically but has to face#their fears because they're disabled and have no other choice.#worst case i am down the money and no-one arrives to take me home i guess :P but it'll be afternoon AND my family are there so#in theory i could just get a lift home even though that would mess up other people's plans sooooo bad. UNLESS they have already drunk uhhhh#in which case i guess i'd just ask for help calling a taxi to the place. plany of people who can do such things easily (unlike me)#it'll be fine!!! i can ask my siblings if need be bc they are so niceys and will not get mad at me for being autistic o7#My other worry is being too hot and being in a rush getting ready bc i have to eat a proper meal due to the symptoms syndromes#and we are leaving when my lunch usually is so that's a whole thing. which ALSO doesn't matter and I can do! it's just hard!#where is that post that's like 'managed mental illness can look like absence of mental illness 😅'. NOT saying being autistic is mental#illness i am saying that the specific extreme anxiety i have is for me linked to autistic issues with 'the unknown' and boy. does this#social situation also have a lot of unknown.#BUT I CAN DO IT! and dare i say even have a nice time!!!!! it's just i get so so scared beforehand but i will not express it in a way that#impacts or inconveniences anyone else!!! i can handle it by myself at my house and it'll be fine
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northern irish free presbyterianism is so funny bc they make some fair criticisms of the catholic church but then they'll say something like "and catholics are BRAINWASHED by the UNELECTED pope in ROME and mindlessly do EVERYTHING he tells them to do. unlike us, who are free to listen to and believe everything some guy from antrim made up in the 1950s"
#this is in the present tense bc im writing it from the 1970s btw#i'll probably never finish it but that bbc documentary about paisley was so..#he was kinda funny lowkey#*perfectly legitimate criticism of the catholic church with a thick layer of Sectarianism on top which makes it extremely unpalatable*#sad!#it is so...#'unlike those taigs i mean papists i mean catholics we think for ourselves.#time to go to the belfast megachurch and cheer wildly at everything this guy says'#okay. northern ireland is so funny and also deeply unfunny. we contain multitudes
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Like Noise's whole thing is submitting to extreme misogynistic abuse from which she attempts to shield herself by using vague trappings of masculinity which doesn't work and reassuring herself that if to the extent that she is feminine she at least adheres to heterosexuality and the expectations of her family then she'll be granted some reprieve which also extremely doesn't work and it isn't until she 1. acknowledges that she was subject to extreme misogynistic abuse 2. acknowledges that her attempts to project masculinity did not protect her from this and 3. acknowledges that the framework of heterosexuality/family hierarchy specifically created the conditions for that abuse does she actually achieve any amount of self actualization
#logxx#Which obviously cis women also do this but I do think she and Echo are both more interesting as trans women#And also unlike Vincent Noise was not the one doing the extreme misogynistic abuse.
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Spoilers for dragon age the veilguard:
So if you choose to save minrathus instead of treviso you just don't get the lucanis/spite mission where you go through their memories and talk them into working together. Which was uh. Confusing for my first playthrough. Like you get the guy who you know is possessed by a demon and then it just never really comes up again and doesn't get addressed, you don't actually get to talk to spite one-on-one at all, which I found super disappointing but turns out I was just locked out of it I guess? I recall waiting to see if there would be a mission or scene or something deciding if spite would stay or go or what and it just didnt happen.
Its nice to have a different experience with another playthrough but it was Very apparent that something was missing without that one mission so kinda wish they just kept it in either way
#either that or i got so high i forgot it entirely#which is extremely unlikely but not impossible..#i think I still got all of neve's missions/main decisions anyway?#also I fully intended on romancing davrin this playthough but I caved in and went for lucanis sorry everyone ):
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Thing about small italian villages is that the didnt really have roads up until the 70's which of course leads to a massive amount of cousin marriage and inbreeding and while yes my particular own has its issues regarding that (3 major families (one of whom i am part of!!! Yay!!!) that all of the other families are related to, everyone there has bone/joint problems or some sort of schizofrenia) the neighboring one is worse as in they have one major family and the rest of the inhabitants are ppl who immigrated to have a quiet life in the mountain slopes and that by itself could be an extremely interesting study bcs everyone there kinda looks the same-ish and has a frankly insane amount of people with developmental disabilities for a population this small
#ok now that i have typed it out i realized it sounds mean and i want to earnestly say that i am not mocking them i just suck at tone#i do not think its something to be laughed at i just think the whole thing is uh. i wouldnt say tragic but really no one's fault#bcs again. if you live in the mountains where the main city is hard to reach bcs of poor road conditions#which leads to isolation and also extreme stigma against the village folk *of course* the village#will become more secluded and incestuous marriages will happen (aside from the obv economical factor#that a pre industrial reality would entrail)#its just. fascinating on a sociological and genetical level. esp since by when the roads were functional#and the village folk stigma had already gone away the whole 'we stay here we stay together we are better than anyone bcs they are envious#of us and we will continue inbreeding and any kids with severe disabilities born from it are actually Blessed because they are born from us#has already taken so much root it is now unlikely to be eradicated . the nature of italian villages is that every once in a while#someone reinvents blood purity and eugenetics lmao#anyways this whole incest thing is also the reason why i get frustrated about those books that have#the main characters go into small bigoted villages and either finding peace there or be horrified by its conservatives ideas#while never digging on the *why*. like yeah all this 'what happens in the village stays in the village and everyone else is an enemy'#but they never dig into why that mentality was born to begin with and how incest there#actively helps this mentality to continue on like you legit still have grandmas telling you to marry ur cousin#anw. i dont know what i was going for w this rant. it originated from knowing that my aunt turned local saint#was actually schizophrenic and was prone to paranoid attacks and mental breakdowns similar to mine#fun stuff!
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#huntclaire#i was going to reblog this from the source but i didn't want to ramble in their mentions. this will be long#i've been thinking about this post for some days now and i couldn't write why it fit huntclaire so well but i think i can now#i like huntclaire because i do believe they bring out the best of each other but mostly. they bring out the worst of each other#<- and i think that's good. for their (eventual) relationship and for their individual characters#i think before hunt and claire can have a relationship they need to engage with each other in a sincere way. and they do not do that.#they are incapable of that. they're both stuck in their ideas of themselves/each other that they are simply blind to the reality of things#they are both... extremely flawed human beings. as we all are. but they're too self-important to realise that. which is another flaw#hunt thinks His arrogance is a virtue (delusional). claire thinks she's humble (also delusional).#both are very fond of pointing flaws in other people while being unaware of their own. they cannot TALK with each other as long as they#think like this. hunt needs to get over himself and claire needs to know herself#i must make you aware of things you do not see. unsure if it's meant to be taken just in a positive sense but i'm user wesposting#it's good when your partner challenges your idea of things. and i think these are two individuals that need to be constantly challenged#hunt needs someone to tell him to his face that he's kind of a dick sometimes. and claire needs someone to point out the flaws in her logic#they need to be questioned challenged they need to stop and think about themselves. they need to be wrong. only then they can be sincere#they need to be wrong and wrong again and then again. conflict between them is what moves them forward as characters#most of all they annoy each other so much because they see so much of themselves in one another. but acknowledging that is uncomfortable#it's uncomfortable to know yourself through the other#claire's case is interesting because she feels a ucs. Need to make hunt like her. but she's terribly unaware of what makes her unlikeable#<- she's fallen for her own façade. she needs to stop and dig through her bugs.#alsolol i like how both of them are hypocritical. i think it's fun when characters have double standards. i think they suck. but i like the#anyway i must make you aware of the things you do not see. there's things about each other that they also do not see. at first#when they are sincere. when they. Talk. hunt learns claire is not That brash and she can be very insightful when she wants to. does she kno#that? and like i Guess hunt can be caring sometimes even if he's like totally annoying and weird about it. whatever. does he know that?#the artist sees good and bad. they must also see the good and the bad in each other. i think.
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what can I say? I listed to safe and sound a lot today. The “don’t you dare look out your window, darling everything’s on fire” line was a little too literal
#Taylor swift#Swiftie#wildfire#Climate change#lyrics#safe and sound#red#don’t worry I’m safe#the fire would have to burn down half my city to get to me… which would be a extremely different level of bad and also extremely unlikely#I think it’s contained now anyway with no structures at risk
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context: my main plan for 2024 in my journal was "figure out the future & what I'm going to do & where I'm going to live" thinking about summer maybe except last friday during a particularly bad work-related depressive episode I went, fuck it I'm leaving here and found a site and applied for cheap studios in cork and dublin basically in the middle of the night. when I got better I started wondering if I REALLY wanted to leave and may have acted too soon without thinking it through as usual but decided that, you know, what's meant to happen will happen.
then this morning when I was washing my breakfast dishes I dropped a bowl on top of my favourite (and very durable) glass and the glass just snapped in half. at first I was upset but then I laughed thinking, guess this means everything is going to work out and I'm moving out, thanks!! and when I got back from work I found out that not only did I get a place in dublin but my top pick at that. I cannot believe this. the fucking glass. and it was actually still stable so I glued it back together to use for a plant or something. I fixed it. I wonder what it means. anyway. looks like things will work out after all

(it's got a dragon and that's why it's my favourite. out of two. the other one I just use for measuring rice.)
#personal#sofi.txt#text#multiple thoughts in my head#if superstition then why does it work?#the funniest thing is that i overthink tiny things but make big life changing decisions on impulse but somehow they're right#it was so random too because the cork apartment (which i wanted but got declined) was available since may so that's the date i applied for#even with the others#so i'm left with may but 4 months is the perfect amount of time to find a job and still save enough money here to make the move ok#the place is basically a shed in a lady's garden the size of my current living room but it's extremely cool and has everything one needs#and more than i have here in some cases. a DESK#it doesn't look unlike my childhood dream home tbh#and. thinking of palestinians living in tents who don't even have the one room and how lucky i am to be able to have that#or leave this small town willingly for the sake of my own wellbeing and go elsewhere just like this & safe 😭#dublin has all the major events though and i feel like i can do more there and actually join ipsc (
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there are a lot of odd takes out there re succession but i do think pretending the ending doesnt make sense or was bad because it isnt what you wanted or your fav didnt come out on top is up there like...i was a kendallgirl team ken baby etc but to pretend that it going to tom is like. a badly constructed ending because you dont like tom is so baffling...surely you can separate the two. when has succession ever been about what people really getting what they deserve...did you think all the wrongs would be righted at the end. justice etc. when has this show or this family worked like that when has waystar worked like that...when has succession ever been about the siblings WINNING. be so serious
#matsson wanted a puppet he got a puppet. like people listing the things about tom which are bad and would make him a bad ceo and#im looking at them like yes yes all true also all exactly what matsson was after. did you watch the show#all of it going to tom and not a sibling is the best ending to me tbh like that powerhungry sycophantic little leech whos just#clinging on the whole way through and it goes to him. and all the family infighting comes 2 nothing its so miserably futile. idk#also as unlikeable as he is i think tom is an excellent character and also so funny like. one of the best characters in the show 2 me sorry#hes extremely enjoyable 2 me. remembering the takes that came out post tailgate party......christ#succession#SORRY my mum and i have nearly finished our rewatch weve only got the last ep left...after which i will be in a truly successionless state.#and probably ill die. also.
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fucking hell. i really have been so so so brave throughout this whole process like even though i’m terrified of hospitals i have been so calm and cheerful and upbeat about my surgery because i really did need and want it and im so glad i did it like truly. and even though i had promised myself i’d have a good attitude about everything and do my best to be calm and patient and optimistic (i was expecting more pain and for my results to not look exactly how i wanted because i knew the aesthetics weren’t as important as fixing my back pain) (and everything was actually a lot easier than i expected and i love how they look already and i didn’t even have a panic attack in the hospital and the pain has been like. barely noticeable sometimes so largely i haven’t needed to fall back on that resolve) . but changing the tape today was the worst thing i’ve ever had to do i think like. it hurt a fair bit of course and a little bit of it started bleeding when i took off the old tape and it really scared me because i didn’t really notice until it dripped onto my thigh (i used a tissue to clean it up and it stopped bleeding like right away it’s all good) but also i was so shaky even taping it back up and i felt so nauseous and dizzy and like. i couldn’t stop thinking about Infection and what if i’m allergic to the tape (it’s itchy but also it’s covering healing skin which tends to itch too) and i was just sat there dealing with sticky tape and trying to stop it sticking from itself while crying and feeling like i was going to pass out while sat 30cm from a mirror and it was just so rough emotionally i think because everything has been really positive so far. but i was so close to panic and halfway through i almost called my mum for emotional support. i got through it even though the whole ordeal took like 20 minutes. but i still feel so bad physically and emotionally like i am Drained and idk i think it’s really fucked me up like this because i expected it to be as easy/manageable as everything else so far. idk sorry for the rambling and i’ll be okay of course, i just had a very big day yesterday and then couldn’t sleep and then That so i’m just fragileeeee but idk i just can’t believe this is where my braveness fell apart akdhdsjdj
#i think my reaction is bothering me because i’m worried that somewhere in my subconscious i regret the surgery. which is extremely unlikely#skhdjsd i’ve been pursuing it for years and like i said my results are actually better than i was expecting and i can already tell it’s help#ing my back and my self esteem and my Gender and i’m so excited to wear clothes i couldn’t!! go braless!!!!#like i am just being paranoid about my brain i think. and it’s silly because even if part of me regrets it that part doesn’t have more#authority or power or pull than everything else in my brain that is so so happy about this#i don’t actually think any part of me regrets it#but i guess im scared i do ?? and am in denial ???? idk#anxiety and obsessive thought patterns are wild
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Just set up cat iii ILS are you stupid?
#I think I wouldn’t land the plane nicely but I would crash it gently into the airfield#if I had to hand fly it#which is about as good as you’re gonna get in this situation#avmemes#the main reason I would never be able to land a commercial plane is because I’d never be able to get into the cockpit#you know those doors are locked right?#and the cabin crew#(in the extremely unlikely situation that both pilots are incapacitated and the same wouldn’t happen to you is you went into the cockpit)#aren’t just gonna yell “DOES ANYONE HERE HAVE EXPERIENCE ON MICROSOFT FLIGHT SIMULATOR’’#and let you fly the plane#mentourpilot#and#tom scott#did a video on this#also flying a plane is hard#I’ve only done it once in a small plane and I was NOT confident enough to try to land the thing#aviation#memes I guess#Airplane!
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Imagine being like one of miquella's close assistants during haligtree era and somehow the conversation ends up converging towards the role of empyreanhood and ascension and he's like "ah... godhood... indeed.... alas to become a lord i shall find a consort... if i could i would have made malenia consort, for we have already been one several times, and perhaps in birth too, but alas her fellow empyrean natures doesn't permit it" and you're standing there being like "did this guy just admit he fucks his sister"
#malmiq#sorry been acting extremely craycray lately. brainrot be like that tho#anw i have said this already but i think that like. their relationship started when they were reaaallyy young to cope with their loneliness#and it got willfully ignored by the others around them because addressing it wouldve been uncomfortable#they probably don't even considerate themselves two separate people from each other like one soul three people#(yeah i include t/rina here too)#i also think that the truth about their parents would have also made that feeling deeper#esp because they are the mirror image of their opposite sex parents#they'd be all like 'oh we are them reborn. but unlike them we'll do this right'#never grew up from that codependency. which imo fits the miq eternal childhood thing and mal's speech patterns#being kinda childish in the jp text (iirc)#also bitter irony that like the leaders of the more decent faction in the shattering were. like that#and the fact that it doesn't even impact their kindness 😭
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silly funny haha moment when I need to talk to my brother Abt smth srs cus I think I'm going down the same path he did when he was my age/a little younger but Im scared of him and him saying that I'm just copying his mental issues for attention
#fuckign SHOCKER we grew up in extremely similar environments under extremely similar conditions w a lot of parallels and thus ended up w a+#lot of similar mental health conditions and experiences!!#I've had a msg typed out in my brother and i's dms for like. an hr or two now. ready to send!! I'm just fucking scared of how hell respond#cus I don't WANT to go down the same path he did#unlike when he was having these problems- our insurance no longer covers mental hospital stays I'm pretty sure! which means I could not +#afford smth like that!!#not that I think I need that rn#I just don't want to get to that point where I do need that like he did#I know where this kinda stuff leads and I don't wanna go there. I've seen it happen w my brother w my friends w my ex w old friends#I cant let myself get to that point when I know I can prevent it#racc rants#cw rant#tw rant
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