#which I hate because management is also underpaid. but. so am I. and it’s not my job to take care of another department’s hazardous waste.

[almacambiondaughterofsaleos]

The Don't Be Competitive Or Compare Both Shows Just Reeks Of Participation Trophy Mentality

Seriously, I have heard helluvavere defenders say that we shouldn't compare these shows because people worked on them both hard and that we should support all indie animation regardless of quality. Again this is bs because if I am going to judge something I am going to judge on quality and execution. It's a way to shield Vivizepop and Spindlehorse from criticism which they and their fans hate getting. This isn't children anymore you shouldn't worried about hurting their feelings in order so they can have constant validation. If something is obviously the better product then it should be rewarded. Those who say we must support the inferior one that has declined in quality are just blind to how bad it's gotten.

I would praise and support both if they were of equal quality, but since season two we all know what Helluvaverse has shown which is badly executed pacing, ideas, story choices, and character writing. While Digital Circus has just started, it still manages to convey a better product than Vivziepop and her crew has shown. It's also good to mention those who say people worked hard also forget she underpaid the people working on it so that falls flat. So, it's even less of an excuse to use them as a shield from criticism.

[moodr1ng]

re last post while im being chatty (sleeping pills do that to me): i have a kinda strange relationship w my knuckle tattoos. when i was 17 i was in a pretty rough spot in life. though i wasnt in The Absolute Worst Years, things werent going great on pretty much any front. i was failing out of school at the time, i saw no future for myself, i felt like i had fucked up all my options beyond any redemption. i lived in a "bad neighborhood", in a social housing apartment where i shared the one bedroom with my sister and my mom slept in the living room. i had like, two irl friends and one of those friendships was quite toxic and codependent. my mental health was abysmal and my parents were at the end of their rope with what to do with me. nobody even believed id manage to graduate high school anymore. i had no money except what i could glean from art commissions on tumblr and whatnot. i was perpetually broke and so were my friends (we shoplifted quite a bit at that time). i always knew my mom and i didnt exactly have much money but i was really feeling it then, and more than that, i felt like this prophecy was hanging over my head, that i would too end up like my parents: an underpaid worker in a shit job with seemingly no upsides or ways to move forward.

yet i had an inkling that one day i might get out of this; that i might one day escape this and 'rise above my station', 'make it' in some way. i pictured myself as someone who did make it: an older version of me, who i pictured very clean-cut and acceptable-looking, maybe wearing a suit or something. i hated that version of me; the sellout. i looked at that future me and thought: dont you dare forget about me. dont you dare forget about all of us here - not just my family but everyone i loved, and the people in the same neighborhoods and the same situation. i guess it was a moment of class awareness and solidarity. i thought: ill never let myself become a clean-cut, law-abiding, middle class sycophant who looks down on people like me.

so i got commission money for the cheapest tattoo machine i could get, some $50 crappy machine i got off ebay that came with needles and inks, and i sat at my kitchen table one afternoon with an internet friend on a skype call and tattooed my own knuckles - right hand tattooed with the left hand and all. i chose "DIRT POOR". i thought: there. not only can i see it, everyone can. i can rise up as much as i can in the world. but there will always be this neon sign on my hand that says: i came from here.

and i stuck with that for a very long time. i loved those tattoos. when i stopped loving them (because theyre kinda ugly, and i dont like explaining them to people, etc) i still loved the meaning behind them.

but then i actually 'made it'. i mean, not really. i didnt truly make it. i dont have a job, my main income is disability benefits, but im blessed that i also have my etsy shop and a roommate who helps with rent and a very cheap apartment, all of which means i have an income thats almost minimum wage and benefit from a lot of government aid, and through that ive set aside sizeable savings. i dont have to worry about paying for my food or home or clothes or other necessities, and i can go for drinks with friends or order takeout or buy myself little eccentricities just because i want to. i certainly didnt turn out clean-cut and proper in a suit, but i got to a place that 17 year old tattooing himself on a dirty kitchen table thought hed never get to.

and now that im here the tattoos feel.. silly. shameful. the people who ask me about them are most often panhandlers - and when i translate what it means to them i feel like such a poser. like, dirt poor? really? but im not dirt poor. im doing fine. if i dont get into the extensive backstory of the tattoos every time, i just.. look like someone trying to look rougher than i am. i feel like im appropriating a struggle that is no longer mine. and i dont even like the tattoos anymore and havent for a long time, and now the message itself doesnt feel worth having them.

like id forget where i come from if i didnt have it etched in my hands? like i even needed that reminder anyway? in the end, i got these because i didnt trust myself - because i thought my class solidarity was disingenuous, opportunistic, based only in my current circumstances. but ill never forget how i grew up. the message is already in me. i never needed a reminder. my past will always be a part of me.

so, anyway, ive been thinking of getting the tattoos lasered off. im far from being sure i wanna do it, though almost only because of the price, but ive been considering it often. i still feel a bit like its a betrayal of my 17 yo self. but then again, i think if he saw me now, 10 years older and in the position im in now, hed probably get it. hed see i havent really changed, not in the important ways. i think in the same way i need to forgive my past selves, maybe they too need to forgive me for moving on from them. so i really might get the laser, if not soon, then someday.

if i do, ill still have other hand and finger tattoos, so it wouldnt change much if i get new knuckle ones. if that does come to pass - im thinking "GOOD LUCK" this time.

[gwydionmisha]

Personal: This Person Just Uncleaned My Apartment

I think I need to tell you about the Cleaner, because OMG, but for that you will need context on my pain/meds situation.

So less pain does not remotely equal no pain.  My hip joints were a mess Wednesday, and only a little better Thursday.  My shoulder joints, and thus my arms, started to go bad Thursday.  The fundamental things wrong with my body aren't fixable, but the new meds are doing a stellar job on what I think of as the secondary pain, IE: everything else not joint or tendon or in their immediate vicinity.  It is far more effective than the muscle relaxants I've been using for decades at this since it's hitting the nerves and not just the muscles.  It also adds to the tired.  So much to the tired.  Bonus: on the new dose, I get dizzy if I don't rest enough, and the heart palpitations hit longer and harder when they hit.

Dramatically better means for an extreme chronic pain/chronic illness perspective, not from a remotely healthy person's perspective, if you follow.  I was into about a month of unbearable torment when we tried the one pill dosage.  I'm still not sure my system can handle the two pills, and I plan to stick to this dose.  They are supposed to last eight hours, but I get an extra four hours of partial coverage per pill, and like I said the side effects are scaling up on me.

So right now my balance sucks, I'm exhausted, and my shoulder joints scream at me if I try to do anything remotely strenuous with them, you follow?

So far I've had four different cleaners turn up, two of them twice.  Three of those are hard and thorough workers.  One of those will not wear her mask.  I put up with it because I am wearing mine and turn on all the fans and I'm scared if I don't take her, no one will come.  (see five skipped cleaning appointments in a row).

Cleaning is a hard fucking job and they are underpaid, get no benefits, no set hours, and have to pay their own travel costs including for the ferry if they are coming from the reservation and that is a lot of gas.  I respect cleaners.  I've done it, after all, amoung the many shit jobs I had over the years.  I trust them to know what they are doing.  This has been the case in three instances.  Most of the conversation with those three cleaners has been things like: Where does this go?  Where is (whatever) kept?  What should i do next?  I refuse to micro manage.  In my experience, micro managing is dramatically less efficient and just insults the person doing the job.  I know I hated it, when I was the person being micro-managed.  This works great for Goth Millennial and for the other three cleaners on the other four occasions.

I'm sure you are sensing the big but here.

So the cleaner who came today, turned up the other time she was here high as a kite.  I don't mean a little buzzed, which is fairly normal in this town and this state.  Weed's been legal here for ages.  People with shitty service jobs occasionally come to work a schootch high.  It doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things if, say, your barista's a little buzzed.  I don't partake myself for a host of reasons, but most of my friends since... I'm going to say 1985, have/do.  A little high is no big deal.

Orbiting Pluto without a suit is.  She was way out of it girl at a party who's friends have to watch her like a hawk high.  She was barely coherent high.  She drove here.  O.o.  She drove home.  This terrifies me.  after some consultation with my friends including them seeing the mess she made and me acting out vignettes, our best guess is she must have dramatically misjudged an edible.  (It had to be vape or edible.  I would have smelled smoke.  Edible makes the most sense for both the degree of Jesus fuck high and the thinking she was fine when she left home, but waaaay not fine when she got here.  Surely she would have cancelled otherwise, right?).

So basically instead of my working away at the aggregate or tumblr queue programming or whatever, it was a lot like baby sitting a toddler who would not shut up, only the toddler would make more sense and the mess would have likely been confined to things in a toddler's reach.  I had to go around after she left and actually use the forbidden to me for safety reasons ladder to save a bunch of my cups and glasses from the accident I could see happening the second Squirrel opened a dish cupboard because he had jammed them in their so precariously that the door was the only thing preventing them falling.  Goth Millennial came the next day and had to take everything out and restack it.  I could live with the fitted sheet being inside out, so we left that for today.

I did not turn her in to the asshole agency because 1. worker solidarity.  I never went to work on a substance, but I've worked so, so many shit jobs and the Asshole Agency is terrible.  2. I was pretty sure it was a mistake involving an edible. 3. I was big on giving people another chance when I was teaching.  On fuck up shouldn't lat for ever unless that fuck up was malicious or really damaging to other people.

Well, fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice shame on me.

No, she was not noticeably high this time, though I couldn't rule a mild buzz out.  She also had a shamefaced and subdued demeanor that clearly told me she knew how badly she'd fucked up last time.  She said she'd signed up for me on purpose instead of her other option because I was really nice to her and my apartment was full of interesting things to look at while she cleaned.  My apartment is full of interesting things to look at and I suspect she liked me because I was consistently kind to her when she was a mess last time and hadn’t turned her in.   She really is sweet and nice and she is clearly trying her best but not remotely the sharpest tool in the shed.  Which can be fine.  I've known a lot of good workers over the years with significant developmental or accident related challenges and they did fine.  She wasn't in that category, but I realized she'd need extra supervision compared to the others.  I underestimated how much.

She did walk right up to Tavy and start petting him right away like last time which again confused and alarmed him.  Sure, Squirrel and I and a couple of the Millennials can do that because we are his particular friends, but he barely knows her and and she would NOT stop doing that last time no matter how many times I told her he was a biter and apt to maul when he was worked up.  I was so proud of him because he did not attack her the first three times, and honestly the forth time, I would have bitten her too in his place.  

Tavy was noticeably wary of her.  He did want to watch what she was doing, but he remembered her.  (By contrast, the other cleaners he'd watch from a distance for a while, and then follow around and in a couple cases, get me to pick him up so he could get a better look.  He really took to the GNC person who came once, and kept sniffing their legs).  He did let her pet him without biting her, and she was together enough to stop when I told her he was down, and leave him alone for the rest of the two hours when I said he was in a mood to hang out and watch but not interact.

I got her through the linen change okay and last time she was so high she forgot we had a dishwasher after she'd emptied it and it took her most of her shift except the linen change, but the dishes looked and smelled clean, so I set her to that and did not remotely supervise her enough.  This I did not discover until evening, but we'll get to that.

Then I set her to sweep and mop, which... Like I've worked a lot of restaurant jobs, often with people in a supported worker with severe intellectual challenges.  I've never seen one who'd been doing it for years who couldn't do it correctly.  She said she'd been doing this for several years.

Assuming makes an ass out of me, doesn't it?

Oh gods the mess she made!  I should have known it was too hard for her when she started prepping for mopping before sweeping.  So I told her to sweep first, which she did.  I told her to dump the water in the sink, not the tub, which turned out to be very, very lucky.  (The tub is the most expensive thing I own.  A city program that remodels for elderly and disabled people paid for it.  I will never be able to afford to fix or replace it.  There are super strict cleaning directions for a reason, because the mechanism is delicate.)  I told her to use the liquid all purpose cleaner under the sink.  I should have got it out and prepped the bucket myself, but bending hurts and I was exhausted and dizzy and my arm situation was deteriorating.  I should have done it anyway, because this is So.  Much.  Worse.

She used a ton of water.  Like way, way to much water in a way that suggested she did not wring the mop and/or she was dumping puddles out of the bucket.  It was a terrifying fall risk situation because this was the end of her shift and I really really needed to get ready for bed as soon as she left and forage delivery was late so I had to go drag it in, just as I'd given up and settled into bed.  So I'm dizzy with unreliable legs, using both hands and going careful back and forth over this swamp of a floor with a weird gritty, soapy texture.  Which is... not what you want in a cleaner for elderly and disabled people.  I could fall and end up in the hospital under those conditions.  And it;'s not like I could want a couple hours for it to dry.  There was no point in washing my feet in the bathroom, so I kept using wipes on them before getting into bed.

Then I woke up to pee and realized just how bad it really was.  *head desk*  My best guess is she used Ajax, which is stored under a bookshelf in the bathroom, not under the sink.  Like a TON of Ajax.  The kitchen sink and nearby counter was caked with it and the floor was tacky and gritty and full of muddy footprints.  I couldn't leave it like that.  I cleaned the sink.  I took the other mop with the disability friendly easy to wring it out attachment which had been to complicated for her head and wet mopped it all again, frequently rinsing and wringing it out, until my arms basically gave out and I had to wash up and take a nap.

It's still incredibly dirty.  I feel like crying, because I can't feel clean unless my feet are.  I've been skating around on damp towels, but though my hip joints are a lot better this evening, I wear out fast and it hurts quite a bit if I do it too much.  I hate leaving a terrible mess like this for the millennial, but I simply can't mop any more with these arms.  I'd have been so much better off giving her something else to do, but I couldn't think of anything else simple enough for her, and I know from last time she will not leave early no matter how much I tell her she can just clock out at the end of the hour.

At this point I was debating what to do.  I had settled on calling Monday and asking them to put her on my no list without giving a reason, because I simply can't go through this again.  It's too hard on my body and it's incredibly could seriously injure me dangerous.

Then I went to feed the Empress Livia and discovered something worse.

I'm medically fragile.  Amoung so many other things, I have an immune system that is far more interested in own goals than fighting pathogens.  I can and will catch anything you expose me too.  Anything.  I also have a dicey digestive system.  Anything I use to prepare food or eat or drink needs to be really fucking clean. We prewash for grease and stuck on food then run them through the washer to make sure the soap and anything else is off.  yes, I know this is bad for the environment as it uses extra water, but it’s a serious safety issue for me.

I was very, very clear on directions because I remembered last time.  “Wash the dishes and then put the in the dishwasher.  The dishes in there are dirty, so don’t put them away.  I will run the washer after you leave.”  Did she do that?  No.  Were the dishes cleaned and dried, which would be reasonably acceptable as an alternative?  No.  They were jammed in with the clean dishes, soaking wet and covered in soap bubbles six or seven hours after she left.  We'll have to go through all the pans tomorrow.  I pulled the pans and dishes I remembered were in the sink yesterday.  I have no way of guessing with the glasses and flatware and I don't know which things Squirrel put in there.  

I am exhausted and I hurt and I've been pushed way past the limit of what my body can handle in a day and I can't trust my dishes or the glass I'm drinking out of and I can't get the dirty Ajax grit off my feet.  I'm going to go take a bath, but my feet will be dirty again the second I touch the floor.

She's another poor person.  I feel like a class traitor just putting her on my no list, but she could theoretically kill an elderly person with her mopping, and I can't decide if I should say something, because anything I do will be a terrible option.

This person literally uncleaned my apartment.  I just....

Look, I know it’s a free service, but this is so very much worse than when they don’t send anyone.

[misssugarpinkshome]

Author Update!

Hey y'all! Here's the author update. Just posted Chapter 58, I'm so excited since the next chapter will be incredibly challenging for me to write. I hope you guys are excited as I am.

I'm... actually gonna put the update this time under a cut, cause it's A Wee Bit More Serious than normal, lmao.

The TL;DR: this boy can fit a whole lot of trauma in him, and he's kinda tired of it. It's been an incredibly hard month, but I'm also looking at the amount of growth I've done and I'm proud.

Thanks for reading, folks!!

(Big ol' trauma dump below the cut!)

OOOOKAY so like. Yikes!

I got called out by someone I look up to basically telling me I needed to shape up, and while they weren't WRONG, it really fucking hurt. As in, I got so incredibly triggered that I cried for about 48 hours straight.

This also led to me and a friend of mine having a really big falling out, and while it got resolved, oof it was exhausting.

At the end of those 48 hours, I had to deal with a situation in a server I moderate for where someone made some incredibly serious allegations about another server member.

The allegations turned out to be false, so we did not ban the server member who was accused -- which led to a callout post being written about me and the server, with false allegations about me that were incredibly triggering.

:) This was all right before a very nauseating 14 hour car ride :) Definitely did not fuck up my brain :) Definitely did not cause me to maybe split again :) Oops

My vacation to see my partner's extended family went really well at least? They're really awesome and good family. But I spent all of my free time working on a (currently around 50 page) document detailing all of the bullshit that happened with the allegations. Yes. It was that many pages. That's about a fourth of the bullshit.

Remember how I was on vacation? Well. I lied to my parents about my location. And they found out. And one thing led to another, I called them, they screamed at me, and... I broke my phone. I've made the decision to cut them off, because I just... can't handle this anymore.

Anyways. Cut to the present. I still haven't told them, but they figured as much since they can't reach me through my old number. My mom keeps emailing my workplace trying to contact me. I haven't been able to read them yet. My therapist is helping me compose a letter to my parents and my sister to let them know. My partner and my friends and family-by-association has been really supportive and caring, and it's a lot. Not to mention, school has started again, so now I'm back to being overworked and underpaid (and... actively dealing with some severe harassment from a homophobic student each day at the moment... ugh)

It's been an incredibly fucking hard month. The way I have to look at it, though, is that I am incredibly strong and I have grown so damn much. I have a lot going on, and normally, this would be enough to make me completely self destruct.

But (with the help of friends and my chosen family alike), I managed to help clean the living room. Today I did some dishes. I am ROCKING teaching. And... I'm desperately, hopelessly in love with my fiance, and feel safer than I ever have before.

I've always hated the phrase "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" because of what I've been through. But right now, I'm feeling very strongly a variation of the phrase: "what you survive influences who you are; processing that makes you stronger." I feel like I've grown a lot in the past year alone, and it's only going to get better.

So... yeah! There's a huge big long trauma dump. I'm so so sorry lol I just... I want you guys to know about the person behind the T_T profile picture. It feels good to be seen. <3

[impatientlygiven]

General life updates:

I finally have a job in my actual career, UX design, and I am loving it. I’ve only ever done it freelance before now. Now I work for a company, and I have a team, and my team are good people.

Of course, being an immigrant and not speaking Finnish (that well, anyway, they threw an intensive Finnish lessons for foreigners course at me in March and it ended in November and now I can speak, read, and write at a B1 level but when someone *talks* to me I have 0 idea what’s going on) means taking whatever the fuck I can get. Trainee position.

At first I was like, okay fine. It’ll help me get my bearings in a company. Pay isn’t good but it’s temporary. At the very least I’ll have this on my CV to convince other companies to hire me.

But then, my contract was supposed to end at the end of the year and I was pushing them for a permanent position. I’m here, I work full time (the trainee contracts are meant for students), you are not giving me UX Trainee work you are giving me full UX Designer work, the permanent position is the least you can do.

However. They say no. There are too many (6) UX Designers on the team. We can’t justify hiring you permanently for the amount of work we have.

That amount of work, btw, is 30 projects stretching over the next 5 years, minimum. I’m the lead designer on the most important one. This is roughly 16 flavors of bullshit.

“We promise we will try to get you the permanent contract when this trainee contract ends in July.”

Try.

But. I’m an immigrant. Took me 10 months and plenty of tears to find my way to this job and a 4 month internship + my level of Finnish still isn’t going to turn anyone’s head here, so I will take the medicine and stay with the company. But I am vocally irritated about it. I talk with my colleague and the person who hired me in the first place who was my line manager for all of 6 weeks before being offered a higher paid position on the other side of the company.

They tell me the designers are all underpaid here. I get more vocal. I talk with my new manager who verifies how underpaid they are and that she hasn’t received an actual raise for years. I’m like why are you putting up with this??? “The team is so good.”

That’s the thing, the team is actually, genuinely, 10000% amazing. I don’t know how this company managed to find a team like this, but it is worth staying for. That doesn’t mean I’m not going to pitch a fit about it though, for me and the design team as a whole who are being weirdly passive about the whole thing. My new manager understands and said my salary requests were more than fair, but this is how the company is. Good to know, I will file that away.

Then, very quickly, three things:

My ex-manager says, “you’re very ambitious, you know.” Internally I’m very “haha what are these lies,” because, you know, I’m extremely non-competitive and hate feeling like I have to best someone else. So I’m like mm no, and he’s like “yes you are. I could easily see you leading a team in 3 years.”

(You know I just started at this company in a trainee position in September, right? You were the one who hired me??)

Then. I talked with a non-designer colleague on another project about how raises and corporate ladder scaling typically works in Finland. He gave me some good info and said “this company really doesn’t value UX Design and it’s projects really need it. I’m going to campaign for better UX in all our projects, it’s too important to keep letting it slide.” I was like yeah! UX ally! But the very next day, which is also the day after the ambition conversation with my ex-manager, we’re having lunch and he says “have you ever considered product ownership?”

Not until about 24 hours ago but yes actually why do you ask?

“I think you should ask [my project’s lead] to put you on his product development team in this role. I will back you up. I am also writing an email to our overall team lead telling him that he needs to take UX more seriously.”

I’m reeling at this point.

And then.

Not 30 seconds later.

My project’s lead plops his lunch tray down on our table and sits with us and I’m immediately like “oh hello J we were just talking about you and how you should put me on your product development team.”

He’s surprised but hears my colleague and I out on the topic and completely agrees about the need for better UX design, which is a thing I have talked with him about before and made a plan for in our project. He doesn’t commit to anything, ofc, but

I have so many allies at this company, all of a sudden? People are seeing me for what I can do. I’ve been here for three months, officially in the industry for THREE months, and now they are telling me to lead. Reeling. I’m still tied to this trainee contract but it seems like this place may actually possibly give me something truly golden for my CV if I can pursue it. I’ve never been a climber, before, but I’ve never cared about the work I do in this way before, either. I’m afraid of saying the wrong thing and fucking it up/stepping on someone’s toes, but also my confidence has taken a huge boost and I’m being a bold ass bitch about things. A nice bitch. But a very bold one.

[bioethicists]

if it’s not too nosy to ask (pls ignore if so) how did you arrive at doing case management and how do you like it? i have similar values in terms of like interest in health and med anthro in an anti-psych/institutions way nd am trying to figure out in what capacities i can work in health related fields while honoring those values lol,,, thank u i love ur blog

haha so i kind of hate it rn + am leaving in may so take that was u will! i wouldn't necessarily say case management is an easy place to have these values but i am in a unique position where i'm not licensed so therefore am actually banned from (thus not instructed to) doing most of the heinous shit- i am never involved in the process of diagnosing, treating, or incarcerating a client. an msw or similar clinical degree would demand that i be more involved with that process

i live in MA which has a unique program called the BHCP program (through our Medicaid, MassHealth)+ my technical title is "care coordinator" but this is largely a smokescreen for (even more) underpaid case management. my primary job is to obtain + maintain services for my clients, such as SSI, specialists, housing, food stamps, etc. i also spend a lot of time doing stuff i'm not technically supposed to do- help clients read their mail, help with court cases, help dealing with child support etc. i am about 90% of the time able to help ppl in a way that i don't feel icky about.

the cost- i make 39k a year to case manage up to 65 clients who i have to contact at least once a month. many of them have issues far beyond my scope but i am the only person willing or able to work with them. social services in MA, arguably one of the best states for social services in the country, are an absolute shitshow- i spend about 33% of my job trying to force other ppl to do theirs. get me a client that speaks only spanish and the services become essentially unnavigable. masshealth randomly decides we need to improve quantitative performance measures that have 0 bearing on the actual quality of our clients' lives so we are routinely chastised for not meeting stupid paperwork requirements (what percentage of clients have their race and ethnicity recorded in their file? did you check the right boxes on their yearly assessment?) which seems to matter way more to the state (which, through its other departments, is causing most of the problems i'm being paid by them to solve???) than actually helping them. also, the emotional impact is rough + most of my coworkers cope by hardening themselves, othering our clients/getting angry with them, or giving up altogether.

it's just not feasible or HUMAN to expect someone to be able to go to someone's home, hear a story of their brutal assault by the same man you're helping them demand child support from, lock eyes with the child you know in your heart is never going to see a dollar of his dad's money because the child support case is almost definitely a dead end, then go home and do 6 more hours of paperwork. they tell us we're supposed to compartmentalize + shut off empathy in order to function at our job (real thing they tell us in training!) and like... fuck that. i'm not smothering my humanity in order to meet performance requirements- except the alternative is working yourself to the brink of suicide lmao.

that being said, i didn't always feel like this (first two years were easier) and i have some pretty intense personal circumstances complicating it (dead brother, raging eating disorder, etc). i do feel like i have been able to make real + tangible impacts in others' lives, learned how to navigate the system well enough to use that knowledge in more radical spaces, build human connections with people who have never had that with providers before. having a radical perspective on the system will save you from a lot of burnout because you won't be one of the naive ones who think that social services + "educating" your clients will fix all their problems. most of the problems i am describing above are going to be present in almost all health/social services fields. if the state funds it, this is what they will do to it.

i'm going back to school in september + my goal is to pursue full time ethnographic research while utilizing my skills at navigating social services to assist ppl on a person to person level. in terms of how i got here- graduated dec 18, worked in residential mental health for like 2 months before fully cementing that there was no ethical way to do so (and getting horrifyingly triggered by it) -> americorps position at a local hospital doing community outreach during the day + nursing home/private duty elder care at night -> current job

[the-trans-dragon]

How do I ask for a raise and also how much of a raise is appropriate

[bone-marreaux]

Time for a teaching rant! Things I learned in college that changed me. Not necessarily a negative rant, just an observation with a healthy dose of frustration.

So in teaching college I learned about learning styles about how important it is to incorporate all types of learning styles in your lesson. Visual, auditory, kinesthetic, etc. As a kid either they didn't know about this shit or my teachers never bothered with it. Because for so many classes I was completely disengaged and often wasn't learning except to regurgitate info at test time only to forget it when I didn't need it anymore. Because they only taught with books or lecture.

*However* when i got to college and learned about the different learning styles, I was SHOOK when I realized I was 100% a kinesthetic learner. AKA I learned by doing things hands-on. Someone shows me how to do something in front of me and then they watch me do it and correct me as I'm going if I mess up. If we can do it step by step together it's even better. This is why I was SO successful in art classes, that was their primary mode of teaching. The fact that I didn't realize I wasn't retaining or caring about information was because they weren't teaching it in a way I could grasp blew my mind. And it explained a lot of reasons why learning new tasks at work was difficult for me, because my manager at the time would tell me and give me a job aid—a packet with written instructions. When I realized I was a fully kinesthetic learner I told him that, told him what that meant, and asked if he could modify the way he teaches me things. Because he was baller he DID and just GUESS who became one of his best and most efficient managers within a couple of weeks? Yeah. Rather than constantly asking him to repeat things he's told me a million times all he had to do was give me a quick 10-20 minute hands on situation and I would know it perfectly. Sure it took more time in the moment but it paid off and saved time reteaching in the end.

Another thing is that while I LOVE learning new things, I am horrible at teaching myself new things. Classes—hands on classes—are almost a must. Learning new languages is something I love doing but I cannot teach myself very well. I need to be in a physical space with other learners in order for anything to stick. Same with a lot of other things. I can remember random interesting facts, but I cannot teach myself something completely new without being in a classroom. Idk if it’s because they completely neglected teaching kids how to be independent in learning or if it’s just how my brain is wired, but it is frustrating to say the least.

My main gripe/rant is that I fucking wish they would teach kids learning styles earlier. If I had known I needed to be hands on in everything I did I would have likely actually enjoyed school and obtained way more information. Another reason why I was also good at science because in science you do labs, which is doing stuff with your hands and observing it. If I could have told teachers in classes I struggled in that I cannot learn via lecture and worksheets alone and they actually accommodated for that I think school would have been so different for me. Not to mention how it affected my work life. If people could tell someone “hey, I learn better by doing it as you teach.” Or “I learn if you physically show me and I do it right after as you watch.” It would make a big difference. Instead so many workers just watch training videos or reading job aid packets and are expected to know pretty advanced stuff depending on the job. I feel like life in general would be better if learning styles was acknowledged in every aspect of life and taught to everyone early on, not just teachers in teaching college who learn about it and then never fucking use it in practice because it’s too much work. (Not hating on teachers here, really, it is so much work and teachers are chronically overworked and underpaid. Schools dgaf if students retain information outside of school, they only care about test scores, so teachers “teach to the test” as they call it and pray students know it well enough to score well so they don’t lose their fucking job.) I think if schools weren’t so heavily test-focused, ESPECIALLY standardized testing, things would just be better as a whole.

But things won’t change. Not even really sure why I complain at this point.

[gale-gentlepenguin]

I’m really really sorry to be disrespecting your wishes, but you just struck such a nerve I had to say something. I’m going to use America as an example. Slavery still exists in capitalism. In America they put people in jail for minor reasons and then because the jail is privately owned most of the time, they do everything in their power to keep them there. They then use these people to do free labour, a famous example being prisoners in California being forced to risk their lives and fight the wild fires. This short video explains it in basics if you’re interested (https://youtu.be/gX2R0b_mqrQ)

Slavery in America also didn’t “end” because capitalism let it. It stopped because in the civil war America needed more fighters (slaves volunteered when they knew it meant freedom) and a reason for England to stay out of the war, so they gave the fight a just cause. In fact the reason America was among the last to stop blatant slavery was because people didn’t want the economy failing from a sudden lack of free labour. Capitalism is what kept slavery around then, and still does now. Here’s a kinda long but interesting video summing up the American civil war (https://youtu.be/tsxmyL7TUJg)

Hate communism all you want, your reasons are 100% just. But please try not to spread misinformation. The reason Americans die everyday from easily preventable causes, is because they’ve been brainwashed to refuse anything even slightly to do with communism. People literally have to pay to hold their child after birth because they don’t have a socialised health care system. Here’s a short video on that if you’re interested (https://youtu.be/Kll-yYQwmuM)

(Also people really can’t move up and down the capitalism ladder without the connections you get from being at the top of it. People wouldn’t be homeless or working minimum wage jobs if they could just gain a better job through “hard work”)

Again I’m sorry to be sending you this on a platform where you want to chill, so don’t feel it necessary to respond, but I just couldn’t stay quiet.

I did say I didn't want to talk about this anymore. You clearly put thought into this ask and it isn't just another person raving about something. So I will make ONE exception. This is the last post I will talk about this.

So I am not upset with you sending me this. If anything I am glad you took sources and explained your reasoning. So I will comment on this with Equal respect and my view. I will be adding a read more because I don't want to force any opinions and views down people’s throats. I am completely fine with you disagreeing with me. I just want people to be rational and come to their own conclusions.

Lets take this point by point.

Before starting, I will agree that Capitalism as a concept didn't end slavery, I was saying the governments with that system did. Albeit not directly because it.

1.The For Profit prison system is messed up and it is filled with Corrupt and Bigotted individuals that exploit it. Sadly it isn't classified as Slavery, as the prisoners (while grossly underpaid and exploited) are technically paid and given room and board.) and unless they are on death row, can be released.  This prison system is still better then Communist systems, which effectively work their prisoners (who are locked up unjustly by vast margins) to death, or worse. Which is the main point I was making when I made my post (though it was more of an emotional rant.) I will in this response be more calm and explain my rational. Communism always results in more death and is just as corrupt. So in a matter of comparison, I would take being a prisoner in a capitalist society rather than one in a communist society.

2. Capitalism ended slavery in the sense that a Capitalist society had a war and the side with the more advanced technology and willpower managed to win the civil war and establish a written in the constitution law, that made it so people can not legally own slaves. And then at some point most capitalist societies made laws that outlawed slavery. (Of course the prison system is an exploited loophole, which I would 100% to have fixed). 

3. The health care system is also a corrupt mess. America’s healthcare system has been exploited by Big Pharma and overcharges its people to insane degrees which I personally hate. And I would not be against some sort of baseline care for everyone. But the problem is that Communism health care isn't what people imagine it would be. It removes people’s choice on the matter. Also socialist Healthcare in places such as Canada do still provide Private Health insurance. So I wouldn't be entirely against having that, (but half the Canadians I know say the system sucks greatly) I think as long as the choice is there I wouldn't mind it.

4. Communist and Socialist healthcare systems do however vastly slow down medical innovation and in the case of Communism, keeps the better care for those at the top. The capitalist system at least allows for some sort of charity system that allows for people to donate, work around certain things to get care and people that can find a way to pay can pay. I wouldn't mind having a baseline healthcare for everyone, but the problem is there is such a thing as limited resources. Even in a PERFECT Social healthcare system, it would still have limited resources and involve the government deciding on who gets what and who has to die. Which is kind of f***ed up. 

5. About having connections to move up the capitalist ladder. That is literally the same everywhere. Life is about who you know, I personally believe a meritocracy would be better but that aint how it works. That won't change regardless of the system your in. Though I am the child of immigrants that literally busted their asses when they were dirt poor to be able to provide for my sister and me. They moved up. I will say it is a lot harder nowadays, but people have done it. Hell, I know my buddy is doing it right now. He is working his way through school and studying programing. I am proud of him.

6. As someone who has personally worked at food banks and Homeless shelters. There would still be homeless people. There is a lot of mental illness in the homeless community. Supplying housing does not fix the situation because they don't know how to take care of a house. Also the fact that some people also don't want to live in a place. Everyone paints it as black and white, but the whole homeless crisis has a lot of layers to it and I do believe that at least in this system, they would still be alive. Back in Cuba and In the soviet union the mentally ill were executed... 

Lastly, all of the things you listed are valid to an extent, but the problem is that the issues you are referring too come from CORRUPTION of a system not the system itself. I do think I agree with your statements on the flaws of capitalism. I have my own personal beefs with the system, but I am enough of a realist to know that full on socialism ALWAYS ends in authoritarianism. Whether its communism or Facism, it ends poorly.

[kace-the-writer]

Fires of Fear- Chapter 1

Trigger Warning- starvation, theft, and mentions of murder, swearing

A criminal, that was all I am to the world. A dirty thief and killer. They say it like I actually have killed anyone but the cops and members of the twin’s search party, those damn fools. They say it like I don’t do what I do to survive as a low class citizen. But it doesn’t matter, what matters is that Patton and I are alive. Poor Patton, he would never be able to survive on his own. I have nothing against him, he’s my older brother and I love him, but he can be weak.

“Hey Pat, I got our food for today,” I said, giving him a slice of bread and a tiny bit of chicken I managed to steal.

“Thanks Virge,” He said, smiling. He always smiled, like the world hadn’t gone to hell under the twin’s rule. Like I didn’t have to steal so that we could survive. Like we were high class, like we sometimes didn’t spend days without eating. He’s not actually happy, it’s a weak mask that anyone could see through.

“Of course,” I said, taking out my own slice of bread. Wow, this is so great. I thought sarcastically, my brain seems to always be in sarcasm mode. I hummed a tune I heard while stealing from the middle class, unlike us they actually were allowed their own music.

“Virge, have you been stealing again?” Patton asked. This is what I mean when I say he would be unable to live on his own. He’s too afraid to do what he needs to survive. He sees stealing as “wrong”. I don’t, I see it as necessary.

“Yeah… how else would I have got this?” As much as I love him, he’s not exactly smart.

Patton pushed up his glasses. He had light blue eyes, which were actually common among the high class, but his dirty clothes and messy brown, undyed hair would give himself away. “Virgil, they need food as well.”

“They’re middle class! They have all the food they need!” I took another bite. Why did Patton think they are struggling like us? At least they are assured to get food daily, we have to either steal or endlessly labor to get some. We never got that privilege!

“Virgil, you should just get a job like I did. Sure, it sucks to be a janitor for a rich business, but at least I don’t steal!” He says it like the job makes him more than 5 nickels a day.

“Patton, you’re severely underpaid. I am not wasting my life working for some rich guy only to get way too little money! And working helps the twins! Do you really want to help them!” I balled up my fist, then realized what I was doing. “I-I’m Sorry.”

I walked out of the small tent we called a home and into the “neighborhood” which was more like 50 tents next to a lake which probably wasn’t that safe to drink from. The sun was setting into the ground, creating a beautiful painting of bright colors, but also brought on darkness. Our area was fenced and guarded, though there were areas for us to get out where the guards didn’t notice us. The only time they’d let us out is for those who have jobs.

I picked up a bucket from next to the river and filled it with water. There were a couple of other people out, but I don’t like to talk with anyone except Patton. When I was done I placed the bucket next to me and sat down, looking into the small lake. I’m not religious, but I pray that any diety possibly listening would just save me. I know that won’t happen, but my mind can hope.

After a couple of moments just staring out into the distance, I grabbed the water and went back to Patton, “I’m sorry for snapping at you.”

Patton looked at me and smiled, “I wasn’t mad at you kiddo! Just concerned! I’m sorry if it sounded like I was trying to force you to get a job.”

I sighed, “It’s alright, Pat. I brought some water back in case you wanted any.” I layed down on the blanket I called a bed. Patton and I both had one, but since our tent was so small we’d sometimes roll next to each other.

“Oh thank you Virge!” Patton picked up the bucket and took a sip of the water. It didn’t exactly taste good, but we had both learned how to deal with it. “Did you hear about the twins’ new law?”

I sat up, “no, does it affect us?” I did not want my life to change, I was fine with just staying the same.

“I’m not sure, it just says the business owners now have more freedom into how they treat their employees. So maybe me but not you.” Patton ran a hand through his light brown hair and sighed.

“If they hurt you I’ll kill them,” I said, taking off my hoodie. I actually stole it, it was hard for low class citizens to get any good clothing.

“Please don’t Virge, they’re just trying to live their lives and make money!” What was it with Patton and forgiving people who don’t deserve to be forgiven?

“Patton, I was just exaggerating!” I never told Patton about the times I actually have killed people, but that was just self defense! “I’d probably be killed if I did that.”

“Virgil the twins already want you dead,” Patton wasn’t wrong, I had stolen from a couple of high class citizens and that got me on the twins’ personal kill list. The only reason I’m not already dead is because I was wearing a mask and gloves when I did it.

“Those monsters,” hate on the twins was common in the lower class, but if someone from the higher classes did it they’d probably be imprisoned and killed. The twins didn’t really care about the lower class, we were just trash.

“Can I hug you, Virgil?” Patton loved hugs, but he always asked before giving any. I nodded, actually kinda wanting one. Patton smiled and hugged me. His hugs were always warm and safe, don’t tell him I said this, but I actually love his hugs.

“Pat, this is getting too long,” Patton apologized and pulled back, “thanks.”

“You should get some sleep Virge,” Patton smiled. I didn’t really want to sleep, I had nightmares, but he was right.

I jolted awake from my sleep, panting and sweating even though it was the start of fall. I layed back down and sighed, another nightmare about our parents dying, great.

I looked around and saw that Patton had already left for work. I rubbed my head and sat up, I should head out soon. I usually woke up before Patton, but I guess today is different.

I stretched as I got up, my back and body sore because of how I slept. That was usual for me but it still sucked. I opened the tent and winced as sunlight struck me in the eyes. It took me a couple seconds to adjust to the light l, but after I did I started walking. Not a lot of people were out right now, as most of them had work.

A guard in his red gear spotted me and strotted up towards me, what now? It wasn’t abnormal for them to randomly approach us, but I do hate when they do that. “Hello citizen,” said the guard, his back straight and his mouth lowered into a frown.

“Hello sir, what is it that you need?” I said, bowing my head when he was stood in front of me.

Of course I already knew what he was about to say, “Show me your card,” every citizen has a card that they were given at birth and got updated every 5 years. It has our full name, class, age, date of birth, and criminal record. Luckily I got away with all the crimes I’ve done. I quickly took my card out of my pocket and handed it to the guard.

“Alright, Virgil, looks good,” he handed the card back to me, “just make sure you don’t cause a ruckus, you unemployed tend to do that. Oh, and uh,” he grabbed my hair and pushed me to the ground before walking away. That wasn’t that bad.

I stayed on the ground for a couple of moments, (they love it when we do that) but I eventually got back up. I brushed myself off, caring more about cleanliness than some of the other lower class citizens, I try to keep myself as clean as possible. Of course that was hard when you were only allowed one cold shower a week.

When I realized the guard was still watching me, I went back to my tent. I sat down and waited. It didn’t take guards long to forget about us, but I didn’t want to take the risk of sneaking out while a guard may still have awareness of me.

I played with my hands as I waited. 6, 7, 8… I counted in my head, waiting for 400 to leave. There was nothing really to look at in the tent, but I focused my vision onto the lamp in the corner of the tent.

399… 400! Finally I got to leave. I looked around the area, only to see the guard changing his shift, perfect! I pretended to go get some more water, but when no one was looking I made a turn for the exit. I tapped my finger on my leg out of habit. My heart raced in my chest as I quickly slid under the fence, and into the middle class area.

Unlike the lower class area, the middle class area had actual developed houses and roads. Each person was free to do mostly whatever they wanted. Of course there was a structure to it. Each house had to be two stories, and each straight couple had to have two children, no more no less.

Rose thorns cut into my skin as I entered into the backyard of, what I like to call, the house. It was the easiest to steal from, as the owner never remembered to lock their door. It’s like they forgot that the lower class was right behind them.

It still jarred me to open the sliding glass door. Something about it just felt so… foreign and off. So did most everything else about middle class homes.

The house was, as to be expected, empty. This was the time the owner of this house went to work. As I scanned my eyes I saw something rather surprising, a 200 dollar bill just sitting there. This is a trap. I knew they had to notice me eventually!

In order to not fall for the trap, I avoided the money and took the long way to get to the stairs. They led to the owner’s bedroom, bathroom, and an office where they had a weird black box and a cage that housed a large albino snake.

As always, I fought the urge to go and hold the snake, and went into the bedroom. Under the owner’s bed was a box that held their money. I never took too much, as I didn’t want to actually harm them, for today just 5 dollars. I also went into their… collection? They had a large amount of snake merchandise, such as a giant snake plushie that I would never dare touch. The only thing I was interested in was the small golden snake pendant. I quickly snatched it and shoved it into my pocket.

Then I went back down the stairs, still ignoring the money, and entered his kitchen. The middle class got enough food to be considered a luxury. I snacked on some of the small crackers that they had and put some in my pocket for Patton. I also drank some of the clean water from their faucet. Unlike the lake water, I loved to drink this. The cold and crisp water gently ran down my throat.

The door is opening! Fuck fuck fuck! I made the last minute decision to run out as fast as I could, and hopes that they didn’t see me.

[purplesurveys]

921

LOL was gone for a while to attempt doing that ridiculous 5000 survey myself again and I really thought I was going to breeze through it this time. 2 1/2 weeks and 2500 questions later, I need a fucking break. Need normal surveys plz.

What was the best thing to happen to you this week? Got to visit Gabie today! I brought Cooper as well so that she, her sisters, and their puppy Tofu could finally meet him. Fun day, but I am beat. The blackout yesterday also made me revisit painting, and that felt so good too.

Where do you put your keys when you get home? It always differs, idk why I never picked up a routine. Sometimes I set it on the dining table, other times on the decorative table in the living room, and other times I bring it up with me to my room.

Do you prefer hot coffee or iced coffee? I preferred hot (warm would be more accurate) for the longest time but once I went iced, I never wanted to go back. 

What's your phone background picture? I recently changed my lock screen to one of Audrey Hepburn. My home screen is still Hayley Williams.

If you could move to any country, what would it be? Anywhere with a clean and honest government sounds like heaven.

Have you ever seen a snake in the wild? No. Can’t say there’s a lot of them here in the city, and I’ve never seen any in my trip to provinces either.

What's your favourite movie from the 80s? Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.

Do you have any posters, paintings or other artwork on your walls? I have at least one of each of these, yes.

What would your dream wedding be like? Huge. I’d want a long guest list, expansive food choices, and acts that can provide good music throughout the evening. I never really throw parties for myself, so I would want at least my own wedding to be big.

Would you ever take a trip to space if given the chance? Yesssssss.

How do you cope with anxiety? I'm lucky to have found different outlets, so that said I usually choose from taking surveys, watching a favorite channel on YouTube, turning to my dogs, going to social media to see dumb memes, or taking a nap altogether. Of course there’ll always be those days where none of these work out and I’ll have to just cry through the anxiety attacks until they’re over.

Are you expecting any phone calls or emails? I’m expecting an email from my college, yes. I’m currently applying for civil service eligibility and they’re asking for documents that only the college can provide, so I emailed them a couple of days ago asking for assistance, and that’s considering we’re still under a lockdown and most offices are still under skeleton staffing.

What's the weather like in your part of the world right now? LOVELY. I actually wear oversized sweaters to bed now and I even managed to wear a thick denim jacket out today. The rainy weather has settled beautifully, and I’m perfectly fine with 24ºC-28ºC everyday.

What was the last takeout food you ate? My mom bought me and my siblings a chicken sandwich and chicken nuggets each from McDonald’s last week.

Who makes you laugh the most? Definitely someone from my college barkada. I can’t decide whether it’s Aya, Kate, JM, or Jum; they’re all equally hilarious as fuck.

Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you? See these questions are always weird to me because my country has its own naming customs; it’s basically a mix of American and Spanish customs. We have two first names (where Westerners would understand their second ‘first’ name to be their middle name) and our actual legal middle name is our mother’s maiden surname (which I think doesn’t apply at all in the Western world). So to answer this I’ll go with our own customs and say that no, I don’t know of anyone who has the same middle name as me. It’s not a very common surname anyway.

What did you have done the last time you saw a dentist? Had a tooth removed. I don’t think it was a wisdom tooth; it was just a tooth at the back of my mouth that had been in pretty bad shape for years but was only discovered at that time.

What does a successful relationship look like to you? I believe the formula is different for every couple. Like I value constant communication and checkups, but others might not feel the need to be clingy or update their significant others all the time.

What do you like to put on your baked potato? Don’t really have these a lot, but I remember when my mom used to make baked potatoes with bacon and cheese and those were unbelievably good.

What field of science interests you the most? Biology. <3 I’m sure I would’ve taken up medicine if I only wasn’t so bad in the rest of the sciences.

What's the closest shop or restaurant to your house? There aren’t any nearby shops since I live in a gated community, but once you get out of the village’s main gate, the first thing to the left is a McDonald’s. To the right is a small complex with a hair salon, burger place, music school, and one of those boujee stores that sell hype clothing.

Do you have any family that live in another country? So many relatives. We’re Filipinos, man. We migrate everyfuckingwhere. As far as I know I have family living in the US, Canada, Vietnam, Japan, China, Australia, and New Zealand.

What colour is your couch? Gray.

Do you know how to care for plants and keep them alive? Not at all. Every single plant that I’ve been given as a gift or party giveaway has died on me.

What was the most memorable birthday you've had? 18th was awesome. Cruise trip, hotel stay with friends, Tiendesitas + noodle date with Gab. How I got away with three separate celebrations without my parents saying anything about it I’ll never know.

Would you rather go to the beach or the mountains? Beach. The area where I live is mountainous as it is; as someone who’s always lived and studied in the city, a trip to the beach in the province never gets old.

What do you do for work? I don’t have any yet but I’m waiting for openings for our national agency for either history, or culture and the arts. My plans have shifted recently and I’m now eyeing to work for either instead of rotting away while underpaid at a corporate agency.

Have you ever been to see the circus? No. I wouldn’t be interested either; they all just seem so harsh and unethical. 

Are there any words that you hate or make you cringe? Sure.

What is the best house you've ever lived in? The one we live in today has been the most comfortable; but I also hold a lot of nostalgia for my dad’s parents’ house in Tondo because of how raw Manila life was there. Life wasn’t pretty, but it did feel real.

What was the first CD you ever bought? The first CD I actively wanted my parents to buy for me was probably the High School Musical soundtrack, heheh.

Do you look in the mirror before you leave the house? Yeah, always. Wanna make sure my shirt is tucked in properly (if it is), or that my jeans aren’t cuffed funny or whatever else.

What's the most unusual thing you've ever eaten? I’ve mentioned this before but it was the Indian dessert gulab jamun. Really did not expect the flavor that came in when it hit my mouth.

Have you ever seen someone quit their job in a dramatic way? I’ve never had a legit job, but when Jeuel quit the org a couple of years ago because of ~irreconcilable differences~ between him and us officers in the executive board it did feel a tad bit dramatic and passive-aggressive.

What movie reminds you of your childhood? Shrek 2 or The Game Plan.

Do you know why your parents named you what they did? The singer named Robyn was really big then and they ended up being fans of the name.

Do you have any bills that need to be paid? None of my own. My parents usually pay the family bills immediately, so I don’t think we have any pending payments for now.

What do you like to dip your fries in? Mayonnaise.

Is your house clean or messy right now? It’s always clean as my mom is extremely tidy.

What was the last email you received? It’s one of the job-hunting websites I’ve signed up for, giving me job alerts for new openings in my chosen industries.

Do you know someone who speaks without a filter? Yeah and I know people who do it responsibly and those who just come off as tactless.

Are you in any social groups? We call our college group the Daydrinkers, since our friendship began when we started constantly hanging out at nearby bars at like 2 PM, during our breaks lol. I used to be in a barkada in high school but Angela and I broke apart from that since we couldn’t deal with Athenna’s toxicity anymore, though I still keep in touch with most of them, like Chelsea and Kaira. Since then Angela and I have formed our own group consisting mostly of Angela’s friends from architecture and Hans’ friends from Ateneo.

How many hours of sleep did you get last night? Sigh, around 4. I don’t know why it was so few, but it also means that I’m currently drowsy as all hell at 9:03 PM. I will most likely turn in for bed after this.

What's your favourite kind of museum? Those that cover history, so museums that have artifacts and fossils and shit.

Do you believe in alternate universes? I like the idea, and I love literature that explores the idea of alternate realities, multiple universes, pocket universes, etc. Whether or not I believe they exist...idk. I don’t think about it that much in literal terms. < Yeah pretty much. Gaby Dunn wrote an amazing piece on multiverses and that was what got me to find comfort in the idea.

Whose house did you last visit? I was at Gabie’s place this afternoon. We had burritos, talked about career prospects, and puppy-sat our babies.

What games do you play on your smart phone? I turn to 1010 when I’m bored or anxious. I have like 30 other games but I never touch them lol, but I do keep them should the time be right to whip them out.

Have you ever been to Los Angeles? I have not.

What was the first concert you ever went to? Paramore, February 2013. I was a late bloomer; kids my age started going to concerts at least three years before that.

Do you know anyone who is colourblind? I don’t think so.

What's your favourite season and why? The wet season, because it’s colder and I hate the heat during the dry season.

Are you the youngest, middle or eldest child in your family? I’m the eldest.

If you had to make something for a potluck, what would you make? I recently watched this phenomenal recipe for 48-hour chocolate chip cookies that looked absolutely bonkers when they were done baking. I’d for sure give those a try for dessert. If that fails I’d just buy the food so that what I bring is more guaranteed to be good.

What kinds of decorations do you put up at Halloween? My family has never cared much for Halloween. It’s not even a legit holiday, so as much as I love Halloween I don’t think I would spend for decorations myself to decorate my own place. The only instance I imagine doing so would be if I have kids of my own who may want to get into the Halloween ~spirit.

How many tabs do you have open right now? In my current window, eight.

What's something you've been meaning to do but keep putting off? Taking another online course, just because it’s great to learn new things and earn free certifications while at it. I haven’t been doing a good job at being consistent with them, though.

What's the first thing you check on your phone at the start of the day? Facebook since it’s my primary social media now. Literally never thought this day would come.

Have you ever flown a kite? Yeah but it’s been a while.

Who was your favourite music artist when you were 16? This was the time I was slowly moving away from my punk phase and inching closer to Athenna’s music tastes, so I was into acts like Hozier, Banks, Daya, Twenty One Pilots, etc.

What are three things you usually always have in your fridge? Water, bread, eggs.

[luked4nuke]

If, I were President of the United States. (I just wanna state I’m not a democrat or republican)

First I’d enforce Quarantine and extend it. I’d also attend the poorest families or individuals first and provide them with the financial assistance they need. People are struggling hard enough as it is living paycheck to paycheck.

Second I’d shut down the schools as I believe safty more important especially for the future kids who will rule this place. I also don’t like how schools give so much homework and stress. They just condition kids into beleiving working 40 hours a week is normal and that you should be lucky to have weekends. Staying in classes all day then returning home only to be forced to complete more homework that takes up time and robs them of social interactions. These schools don’t even test knowledge. They test obedience and reward them for being quiet little slaves that will slowly become a “regular worker.” They really don’t care about how smart you are, they test memory over all else, when they study a subject and pass the test they move on quickly to the next one stressing them out. If they failed the test, to bad they’re still moving on with you. (Sorry this got way of topic. I just hate how schools operate and also how low they pay the teachers)

Third I would dismantle the police force and create a new one. A better one that focuses on real problems like sex trafficking and drugs. All the horrible crimes that are allowed to fly under the radar. Any excessive use of force would be heavily punished. Fired, fined and jail time. No shooting at peaceful protesters, seriously dafaq is wrong with them unleashing hell upon unarmed civilians and sneaking in rioters to escalate it to justify the force.

Fourth, gold is a finite resource. Pretty much all the money you’ve ever spent is fake, all digital backed by nothing. Personally I hate it but you’ve all becomes achstomed to it so I would attempt to fix the economy so people can afford essential things, like homes and food. Instead of kicking out homeless people Id build shelters. They make it to easy to fall down into poverty and nearly impossible to climb back up. Once you’ve been arrested, once you’ve been homeless, you understand the struggle of trying to reintergrate with society. The easiest path become the dark one. I would attempt to control the population, America is a gigantic habitat and likewise it has a carrying capacity. If you’re gonna argue people have to pay unreasonable amounts of money for food you’re crazy.

Immigrants are definitely allowed as long as they follow the rules and don’t commit crimes. America was litterally founded on immigrants. American stole land from the natives violently and even managed to capture Hawaii, which was its own nation. They taxed us and recognized us as a small power. Iolani Palace has electricity flush toilets and even phones before the White House did. Queen Lili’uokalani signed in duress. It horrible and sheforfeited her whole kingdom in exchange for the people, as a leader should. The people make a country, the government already should put the people first. Without all the hardworking Americans working, there is no country.

We don’t serve the government. As a government worker we serve the people. It’s our duty to ensure everybody is treated fairly. To make sure everybody that we oversee has the essentials for life, a home and food.

And for LGBT rights. I personally don’t care what the heck they do. Love is love, let it be. They can chose to identify as whoever they want and pursue relationships with whoever. You can’t force things onto people. America is supposed to be freedom personified, we can chose to do as we please as long as we don’t bring harm to others. Those camps are wrong. America is also religion free, you can be whatever you want, Christian Muslim, litterally anything. Being a satanist is totally legal as long as you don’t hurt anything. Believe in what you want and don’t force it on others. Gay people are amazing! We all are, were all human and we can change and create change. We are all human at the core and we always have been. We have a right to love, and to be loved by all around us. Love is love, let it be, theres always been love. I can identify as a man or woman, and I can damn well love either as I please as long it’s reciprocated. I’d always rather say I love you too much then not enough.

Climate change is real. The pollution of those stupidly large companies is also VERY real. As an individual you contribute less than a percent of the actual pollution, it’s literally the big corporations. That needs to stop. I’m not exactly sure how but I AM GOING to start a wave of change that will benefit the worlds health. We all live here. This is not political, I don’t have time for games, scientists that have studied their whole lives are begging for us to change. We can all have solar electricity farms and then it’d be FREE. “But you can’t charge people for that you can’t make money.” I’m NOT TRYING TO MAKE MONEY I DO NOT CARE ANOUT MONEY. IM AIMING FOR SOMETHING BIGGER THAN GREED THE BETTERMENT OF HUMANITY. I don’t care about ruining electric companies and other random fossil fuels bullshits that will run out, I want the future to be bright!

Screw it im going off the rails, schools main courses should focus on stuff like self sustainment, like farming and wilderness survival. Creativity because that’s the most human thing about us! Empathy basic Psychology. Kids can get mad they should learn and understand why. Understand why they feel the feelings they feel and giving them all better emotional control. EMPATHY. They need to learn things like taxes since they’re such a big part. Also why the heck are taxes so complicated. It’s just targeting the illiterate foreigners and immigrants who struggle and try to understand it and I believe that’s horrible. Make it easier to become apart of America the land of freedom and the getaway from the crueler areas of earth. Maybe just limit the population. Also seriously fuck off with taxes! Why the hell are you charging and taxing 14 year olds that aren’t allowed to vote, thats taxation without representation.

Taxes should be like Mario kart and Ancient Greece. Quote from some thing I googled

“The philosopher Aristotle developed the theme. His "magnificent man" gave vast sums to the community. But poor men could never be "magnificent" because they did not have the financial means. True wealth consists in doing good, Aristotle argued in the Art of Rhetoric: in handing out money and gifts, and helping others to maintain an existence.

The idea is simple the higher up you are on the financial ladder the more you have to pay taxes and contribute to society. The large taxes from the rich help fund financial aid for the poor and stuff. The rich did not earn that money they climbed to top on top a mountain of millions of shortcuts and underpaid workers It should be an honor to be taxed and help the poor people survive. Like in Mario kart, the higher you’re placed the harder it is to maintain it and the last place people always get the better power ups giving them a constant fighting chance. At most I believe wealth should be hoarded to sustain like one generation of kids, two at the most. Maybe three but theres no reason anybody should have all that money that your never going to spend or all that money that becomes worthless once a war or breaks out or aliens attack or something. Life is more important than money. Something simple everyone should consider.

I think everybody should be able to pursue a career and each career should be sustainable. Enjoyment in a job of your choosing without worrying about financial burden. Jobs would be divided into smaller simple groups and the pay would based on their contribution to society. Like doctors getting paid more and getting teachers paid more, but small retailers wouldn’t get paid as much but they could survive not living paycheck to paycheck. The motivation is everybody should free to pursue the hobby they love without being punished. Maybe little Timmy doesn’t want to be a firefighter, maybe he desires a simple fun life selling flowers. That’s fine! Maybe they don’t wanna become the hero but it’ll be an honor to society. As long as you have a job that contributes to society you can live for free. If everybody is constantly trying to make the most profit, then we all become a bucket of crabs dragging each other down. I can’t sell my $10 good that costed me $2 to make. Also the whole buy back thing irritates me, I spent $60 on this goddamn game and GameStop can only give me like $10 in store credit or $5 in real life? That’s isn’t fair and that applies to pretty much everything. That’s $1000 phone you bought is barley worth $357 right now. I’m pretty sure it didn’t cost that much to make these things but like DAMN. Capitalism sucks.

In summary, I don’t know much about politics but I would be the human party. I don’t care about left or right. I’m the one that doesn’t care about money. I care more about life and creativity. Peoples right to enjoyment and living a happy life with others regardless of gender. Survival of the human race and advancement into the future where more things are free and we can constantly focus on creating an even BETTER one. We can’t go anywhere without each other especially if we’re all just a bucket of crabs. To greedy and self destructive constantly looking out only for themselves. Seriously get your act together humans before you kickstart your own downfall. If we’re all trying to make a profit, nobody does. The best things in life are free. You can pursue wealth for your future or you can focus and live and enjoy and love the now. Mario kart style, where all in this race for life and we all deserve a winning chance.

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

y’know the one thing I hated while I was doing my arts degree, and still hate after having graduated from it, is the condescending statement/belief from people that “oh why didn’t you just do a more useful degree like maths or science???? and not your useless bullshit mickey mouse arts degree, which was never intended to give anyone jobs outside of teaching, anyway!” or some other horrendous bullshit, such as: “why didn’t you just stay with communication & media studies and complete the marketing & PR major???? you would’ve had a job after all of the unpaid internships you do throughout the course!” or whatever. (media and communications is abbreviated to m&cs further down in this post, just an fyi).

but, meredith. do you know that even people with science & maths degrees struggle to find meaningful work that’s related to their degrees? do you know that some of those people will turn to teaching anyway just because they feel like there’s nothing else that they can do??? do you know that some people (mainly me and probably quite a few others) just can’t handle maths past like idk year 6 level??? I would’ve been completely and utterly fucked if I even tried to set foot in first year uni science or maths subjects. even though some of the content did interest me.... (also there’s the fact that my handwriting wasn’t good enough for diagrams etc etc in maths & science- but that’s a whole other topic not for this post).

like I had to totally skip out of psychology/sociology and even the PR major, bc they required you to do statistics subjects.... where no matter what level of study I would’ve/could’ve done for those subjects, i would’ve still failed them spectacularly because my mind really struggles with processing and working with numbers. but that’s besides the point.

hey earl, do you know some people simply do not suit particular fields of “real world” or “practical” study areas like business subjects? trust me. I tried that one sem of marketing 101 and intro to management/ business communications in first year. and you know what I found? that my mind just could not take the complete and utter dryness of the content of marketing theory and, again, numbers. and that’s despite the earnest encouragement of my tutor, who thought I had a knack for marketing. i literally almost fucking died in that business communications subject... even though the lecturer seemed to like me as well. but as i thought further ahead into my degree in comms & media, i dreaded it. I absolutely fucking dreaded it. the PR stuff sounded as equally dry & boring (besides the point that every project was group work lmao) and so did upper level marketing subs in advertising/marketing strategy/various fields of marketing etc etc. i couldn’t stomach that lmao. and besides the point, the analysing of media just bored the fuck out of me too, for some reason. I just didn’t like the subject. hell, even my advanced diploma in marketing from business college was a fucking hard slog for me.

but when i sat in my english, philosophy, (kind sorta) history and -further down the track- creative writing subjects.... I fucking loved them. I was writing like I’d always wanted to. okay yes I did get pretty dismal marks in most of my philosophy and english exams or assignments. but I don’t fucking care. I was there doing what my mind was built for. if id tried another business subject, like intro to economics or even gone back to redo that “intro to management”/“business communications” (or whatever it was called) as an elective/as electives, i probably would’ve dropped out of either of them in the first 2 weeks. whenever i read those subject descriptions, they literally put me to sleep.

also, for the media and comms point. do you know that there’s loads of media & comms students that don’t get jobs because there’s just such a HUGE intake of students in those courses??? do you know that that the most popualr field in that degree stream (at least when I started that degree at my local home uni in 2015) was journalism & professional writing??? where literally EVERYONE was aiming to be a journalist????

I was one of the very, very few people when I began in media and comms, to outwardly say that she was there to do marketing or maybe the marketing & PR double major.... and everyone looked at me as if I was insane. “why don’t you want to be a journalist? I think journalism is so cool and that I’m more likely to get a job in that than you are in marketing or PR. you actually engage with real people in journalism and do meaningful stuff with the community!” was one of the utterly dumb responses I sometimes got from people in that course, when I told them the above. but you know what kelsey, or, trent? neither one or any of us are “more likely” to get jobs in media & comms... when you’re both competing against people with “proper” straight journalism degrees who might have more media experience than you- if you didn’t do an internship or do some uni newsroom/magazine or whatever.... or maybe more streamlined (if that’s the right word) media &comms degrees.... as well as generally competing against each other, in the same field, for the fucking same exact jobs. while im competing against commerce students doing marketing and PR and people doing the PR & marketing major in m&cs.

also in relation to the above, doing multiple unpaid or even severely underpaid internships in journalism, or even marketing, probably won’t fucking secure your chance of getting a bloody job, adam. just shut the fuck up. those internships may have helped you. but they most likely won’t help most people, theresa. because there’s only a tiny freakin chance that the place that they worked for will actually give them a guranteed job at the end of their internship’s timeframe or at the end of their whole degree. it’s a fucking scam lmao.

and plus, (not to be as rude as you were to me).... but why the FUCK would you want to go into journalism.... when it’s been debased so fucking much by media outlets like buzzfeed; writing nothing but clickbait bullshit listicles.... and is polluted by internet virality.... so much so, that more than half of the people my course had the career goal of being a viral youtuber or an instagram influencer???? like i’m sorry. this is a dumb asf course, no matter the field you’ve chosen to study.... and there’s no way that a single one of you will be a successful viral youtuber or an instagram influencer???? what on fucking earth led you to believe that????

like no offence. but there’ll only be a lucky, lucky, lucky few who get to be the next jennamarbles, ray william johnson, pewdiepie, lily singh, tanya hennessy, jeffree star, james charles, etc etc.... or hell, even friendlyjordies (if you want some satire & politics). and for instagrammers.... idek know them. someone list some instagrammers lmao. but my point still stands.

being an influencer or youtuber- both with huge followings- is a fucking pipe dream- as much as me being a hugely successful author is. it only goes to the insanely lucky, lucky few who have the right connections and the right digital savviness/finesse to grow to be uber successful.... or who started super early, before it was even considered a job title (like jenna mourey/marbles and ray william johnson listed above, and several others not listed who have big fan followings on here) and eventually grew to be the first original titans of the youtuber job title.

or again, they already have some type of other successful media career (like tanya hennessy is an aussie radio announcer. jeffree star had a short lived myspace music career in the late 000s mostly, and made cameos in emo music videos and LA ink at the time also, for example) so that they can successfully fund their youtube channels and/or instagrams as side projects or whatever, as part of their media portfolio.... and they also know how to engage and grow follower bases etc. because they already have an existing one. so it’s twice as easy for them.

tbh i actually entered the m&cs course bc of my use of this hellsite and all the weird trends it had and stuff.... but I eventually got over that as I realised that I just did NOT fit into that field of study. I realised I was too shy... and I also just hated the fact that I had to learn how to use twitter and wordpress and probably eventually snapchat & instagram 😂

i had also gotten sick of follower counts and “growing a following”- considering that by 2015, I’d hit over 3,000 followers on here, I think.... and I realised just what energy and time it took to build this blog.... and my followers.... that I just didn’t have the energy to expend on other platforms for the same thing lmao. like it seemed like more wasted time. I was tired. in addition to that, i also realised that i didn’t want to waste my whole fucking career on the internet worrying over a business’s/company’s multiple corporate social media channel follower counts and image etc.... when i’d done enough of that for myself on this hellsite lmao. doing that stuff with other students in the m&cs course seemed fake asf, especially when it came to giving feedback comments etc lol.

but do you know that one place where you don’t have to give a flying fuck about followers, post views/comments, and blog views? philosophy and english. lmao 😅. no one gives a fuck what you say. unless, of course, you have the evidence and the force of argument to back your pov up. that’s what I was about and am still about. I loved reading and analysing the many books I had to read (contrary to the complaint posts that I made on here lmao)- whereas learning about media and who owned what and how media is manufactured- just made my brain freeze. and although I didn’t do my readings in philosophy (lmao)- i enjoyed a good bulk of the content I had and the issues it involved. doing media & journalism subjects in the m&cs degree, on the other hand, terrified me, bc it meant I had to get in front of a camera and speak- which also scared me bc i look & sound terrible on camera lmao 😂. but I didn’t have to do that almost throughout the entirety of my arts degree (im obvs not counting class presentations in this lol). but do you get my point???

and also the teaching comment. don’t get me wrong, i know a good bunch of people go into teaching after their arts degrees... including many of my friends; and a load of the people I was in my arts degree with. but that is mainly because with other degrees like journalism or media & comms or whatever other fields that they overload into uni arts departments- have taken our job titles away, in a sense....

so, then you’re practically forced to either go into teaching, or go into something outside of your expertise; like idek human resources management/a MBA via a masters.... or, again into something like librarianship via postgrad study- so, that for the love of fucking god- you have a job title to whack next to your name-!!!-instead of just “arts graduate” or “english major” or “philosopher” that all mean fuck all. and that’s because those labels sound vague, unhelpful, undefined and useless; as that’s opposed to something like “teacher” or “librarian” or even “information specialist”. all those titles/labels sound defined, and have actual useful concrete skills: like coding, database creation and maitenance & information retrieval (amongst other things), for a librarian/an information specialist, for example. these skills are then translated into something that you can physically demonstrate to people.... unlike with philosophy and english where people perceive that it’s just “all in your head” and “doesn’t produce anything worthwhile” bc of your very obvious skills that everyone has of communication and writing. like idk. anyway.

anyway here’s my rant for november.

[wolfpawn]

I Hate You, I Love You, Chapter 49

Chapter Summary - Tom spends time with his family while Danielle spends time alone.

Previous Chapter

Rating - Mature (some chapters contain smut)

Triggers - references to Tom Hiddleston’s work with the #MeToo Movement. That chapter will be tagged accordingly.

authors Note - I have been working on this for the last 3 years, it is currently 180+ chapters long.  This will be updated daily, so long as I can get time to do so, obviously

I doubt the real Emma Hiddleston is like this, but we will just go with this for now.

tags: @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog  @jessibelle-nerdy-mum @nonsensicalobsessions @damalseer @hiddlesbitch1 @winterisakiller @fairlightswiftly @salempoe @lys-syl @youcantcatchafallingstar

If you wish to be tagged, please let me know.

“So, how was sharing the bachelor pad with a woman?” Tom frowned at his sister. “No one, not even the world-famous Taylor Swift, was allowed stay there more than a weekend, yet Danielle remained there for over a fortnight, and your words earlier were, and I quote, ‘to not let her get sick of you’ meaning you were completely at ease with her being there.”

“Well, for the record, Taylor never even went to my house, we came straight here, and you are making me sound like some sort of philanderer.” Tom retorted. “It is not a bachelor pad, I just didn’t want just anyone invading my home.”

“Ah, so good then?” Sarah smiled. “I’m glad. For the record, she is the first woman in years that I actually think is good for you.”

“She is the only woman in years other than Taylor, I haven’t had a relationship in quite some time.” Tom pointed out.

“Stop it, Tom, you know what I mean, she is ambitious but not in a way where she will ever use your name to get ahead, she is smart and she can see through Bull and call people up on it.” Sarah looked out on the water. “It’s all you could want.”

“She is more than that, fun, funny, happy, careful yet carefree, and she just...there is something so soothing about being around her. There is so much noise and bright blinding lights in my world, yet she just somehow manages to sit there and when I am with her, it doesn’t seem to overwhelm me as much.”

“Aw, my brother is smitten, it’s actually so nauseating.” Sarah joked. “Well, in case you didn’t know, the feeling appears to be mutual.”

“Wait, did she say something when you were shopping?”

“Say, no, she said nothing. Her demeanour and smile, however, said everything.”

“When was this?”

“After your joke about her being the underpaid minion forced to do your shopping, she was smiling like an idiot at the phone, unable to stop herself, it was adorable,” Sarah informed him, laughing slightly when Tom’s face lit up at her words.

*

“Elle?” Tom walked in the back door of Danielle’s home with a well walked and happy Mac by his side. He could see from the used plates that she had eaten something, which was something of a relief to him. Listening intently, he heard her shower upstairs, so he decided to go and collect the rest of his things to bring over to his mother's. When the shower turned off, he smiled, imagining Danielle dripping wet and smiling as he hoped she would be, being back at home and having all of her work completed. “Elle, I’m in the hallway,” he called out, not wanting her to get startled if she heard him.

“Okay.” was her reply. “You going to your mum’s?”

“Yeah, I am going to catch up with everyone for a while.”

“Good, have fun.”

“Are you going to come by?”

“Maybe in a little bit,” the door opened and she stood in front of him with only a towel on, trying to get the excess water out of her hair. “It’s Christmas Eve tomorrow, so I need to sort out a few things here, sort the electric bill and all, post a few things that need to be done by New Years and get a bit of a shop done, I may have eaten everything in the fridge.” she smiled.

“You haven’t paid your bills?”

“I have, they are all direct debit, but I like to organise them all because I am a weirdo who likes to see where I spend my money.”

“My accountant would love you, in fact, he would get down on bended knees and ask you to have a stern word with me.” he grinned, leaning down to kiss her. “So, will I see you this evening?”

“More than likely then,” she nodded, smiling back at him. “Had you guys a nice walk?”

“Great, we had Sarah with us too, and for the record, you are still “Ellie”.”

“I was hoping she wasn’t calling me that still.” Danielle grimaced.

“She is the Duchess, she calls anyone anything and all we can do is accept it.” Tom smiled. “She thinks it is ‘Euch’ that we kiss now, but is far happier about this.”

“That’s because I don’t call her stories stupid and allow her some time with her uncle unsupervised. Speaking of which, go have some time with your family.”

“I will talk to you in a small while, alright?” Tom kissed her again, smiling happily before turning and going down the stairs with his suitcase.

When she heard the door close, Danielle inhaled deeply, the smile she had forced onto her face long disappeared and went into her room to get dressed.

*

“So when is Elle coming over?” Diana asked after Tom had polished off three cups of tea and two slices of cake.

“Later, she wants to organise the house and get some shopping in,” Tom responded, putting his plates in the sink.

“Better to do it today than tomorrow, the town with be hectic.” Sarah agreed. “You not going with her?”

“She looked like she wanted some time to herself, she has been so busy with work that I think she hasn’t had time to just relax for ages, the closest she had to it was going shopping with the two of you and the week before Christmas on Oxford Street is not what you would call relaxing.”

“We had a good time.” Diana smiled, “But it is healthy to spend a few hours apart too, not be stuck on one another. Remember last summer, the furthest you were allowed go when you were here was to the shop with Jack to get some barbeque meat. That is not healthy.”

“Can we not mention the farce that was last summer?” Tom grimaced. “I am trying to pretend I didn’t almost lose my marbles.”

“Good plan.” Jack agreed.

*

For the first winter in years, it wasn’t stormy or freezing cold coming into Christmas, it was, however, wet. Danielle cursed herself for not hiring a car for the Christmas, since knew she would never drive the Jag and now with giving time for Tom to spend time with his family, it meant she had to cycle to and from the village, something that would not bother her, had it not been for the rain that seemed to be in extortionate abundance around her.

She knew Tom would be spending time alone with his family, and in truth, she wanted to have some time to herself too, but Emma’s almost demanding it caused her to feel upset, not knowing what to do about it all. When finally she got home, she brought in the bike and looked at the water dripping from it onto the floor, her vision blurred. She liked being alone, she was used to it, she was an only child after all, but she had seldom felt lonely, but at that moment, as she placed her shopping on the table, she felt very much isolated.

Looking at her phone, she noticed there was a missed call from Tom and then a message,

Tom - I hope you are having a lovely day Darling, we are going to be having a few drinks and probably a movie later, come over when you are done, everyone cannot wait to see you. Xxx

Danielle just looked at the text before turning her phone on standby and continuing to unpack her shopping. When she had that finished, she went upstairs and walked into the study room and stared at the bookshelves, inhaling deeply, she decided to reorganise them, she had new plans, and that meant an overhaul, it also meant she could keep her mind of Tom, Emma and the Hiddleston’s in general.

She had been so lost in thought, Danielle never realised her phone was ringing, clicking the answer button, she put it to her ear without checking who it was. “Hello?”

“Hello beautiful, how is your day going?”

“Fine, yours?” she put the phone between her ear and her shoulder and continued putting books on the shelf.

“Wonderful, it is so good to finally have some time alone with my family again.” Danielle froze at those words. “When you are going to town, let me know, I’ll drive you. It’s too wet out.”

“I already went.”

“What?”

“I went already, a couple of hours ago in fact, actually, I need to dry the bike, I completely forgot about it.”

“Why didn’t you ask one of us to drive you in, Elle you must have gotten soaked.”

“It’s fine.”

“Did you have a shower after?”

“No.”

“Elle…” her nostrils flared slightly at his scolding tone. “You should have said something, darling.”

“I needed the air.”

“Usually I would agree, but it has been bucketing all day, you cannot do that, you’ll catch your death.”

“You don’t get sick from being out in the wet Tom.”

“You know what I mean, it can’t help.”

“I am actually sort of in the middle of something here, can I call you back later?” she asked, not wanting to talk on the phone any longer, hearing his voice made her lonely for him.

“Sure, when you're done, come over, alright?” Tom had to force himself to control his voice to not show how taken back he was by her cold demeanour.

“Yeah, I just have my head in something here and I want to get it done, I will come over then,” she replied, doing everything she could to not sound so distant. “Have fun with your family, Tom.”

Tom did not get to say anymore before the line went dead, leaving Danielle looking at the device in her hand as the screen faded from ending the call. She simply looked around for a moment before going back to the job at hand.

*

“Is Elle coming for dinner?” Diana asked as she was plating up food for her children and their husbands.

“I’m not sure,” Tom admitted, half forgetting about Elle and her slightly odd behaviour since he knew when she was organising, she became somewhat one-track minded and having spent an hour playing card games with his niece.

“Well check.” His mother ordered.

Taking out his phone, he realised it was four hours since he had spoken to Elle and pressed the redial button on her number.

“Yes, Tom?” Her voice was distant and echoing as though on loudspeaker, the music in the background confirming it, as well as the sound of plates moving around.

“Hey.” He smiled on hearing her voice. “You having a mini-concert for yourself there?”

“What do you mean?” she asked, the sound of her sucking on something interrupting her words. “Sorry, burnt my thumb on my lasagna dish there.”

“The music,” He explained, “No worries darling, I was just ringing because mum was asking if you were going to join us for dinner.”

“I already ate, I am just putting the leftovers into different boxes for freezing,” she stated. “I am actually feeling sort of tired, I am going to head to bed early, I will see you tomorrow, alright?”

“Elle, it’s only eight, you were in bed until near midday. Are you okay?”

“Yes, you goof, I’m just trying to catch up on sleep.” she laughed slightly. “But thank you for worrying.”

“Do you want me to come over when I am done here?”

“Tom, spend some time alone with your family. I will still be here tomorrow. I know my bed is comfy, but I am sure your one there will do you tonight.” her tone light. “Will you really miss me that badly for one night?”

“I think I may,” he admitted.

“Well, I won’t lie, that’s a nice thought, you missing me. Goodnight Tom, have a fun evening with your family. I love you.”

“As I do you.” He returned. “Get some good sleep.”

“I will with you not hogging most of the covers.”

“I do not.” he declared indignantly.

“Yes, you do.” she began to laugh, but then it turned to a yawn. “Night Tom.”

“Night, Elle.” he waited for her to hang up and looked at the phone.

“Tom?”

“She had dinner and is catching an early night for herself, she said she will come over tomorrow,” he responded getting up from the table and going to the back door and going outside for a moment, looking over at Danielle’s.

“Hey,” he turned to see Sarah looking at him from the back door, “you okay?”

“Yeah, I just am worried about her.”

“Why, because she is going to bed early and wanted a day to organise herself? You’ve never been one to be stuck to another person.” She looked at him.

“She’s listening to sad songs.”

“I don’t follow.”

“Danielle is a person who shows her emotions to music, she is listening to sad songs, meaning something is bothering her,” Tom explained. “The fact they are sad love songs is making me worry.”

“Are you sure it is not just the radio playing random songs that just so happen to be those?” Sarah challenged. “You said yourself today that she has been pulling twenty hour days trying to get her paperwork done, she is probably exhausted, you cannot recover from that in one sleep in, especially when you did not get here until what time last night?”

Tom nodded, knowing it was true. “You’re right, I just don’t want to overwhelm her, but I really want her to know if there is something she is worried about, she can come to me. I think sometimes that she is scared I will cast her aside if she tells me things. ”

“Well then tomorrow, when you see her, tell her that. Telling your big sister while you stare at her bedroom is not how you deal with this, now get in and get some dinner and stop staring at her window, it’s weird.”

“Yeah.” Tom nodded, sighing loudly, before going back into his mum’s.

On the other side of the fence, in the other house, Danielle placed the lasagna dish to soak and covered the different portions of lasagna and put them in the fridge for the following days before taking her phone off the counter where she had placed it after Tom had called her and walking over to her laptop, x-ing off the youtube page she had been using to play different songs, as she looked around her empty house, where she only had her dog as company, after getting used to Tom’s presence for the two weeks previous, feeling a little lost in herself.

[octaviainthewasteland]

Wonder Woman: on female characters in comics PART 3

p. 1, 2, 3

Finally my lazy ass finished it. Warning: Image heavy. Please bear in mind that English is not my first language and we do not beta, we die liek mne!

Part 3: Woman: Warrior, Wife, Wonder

Summary: Critical analysis of the character of Wonder Woman

Under the cut

*

Previously, I have talked about gender inequality in the comics industry and poor portrayal of female characters in the comics. In this part, I am going to talk about comics as an active political tool, and Wonder Woman as a medium of gender politics.

 Lepore and Fawaz both define Wonder Woman as the banner-bearer of the feminist separatist utopia (Lepore, 2016: 199) (Fawaz, Hall, Kinsella, 2017: 9), though they refer to different feminist movements. While Lepore stresses the importance of the movement of 1910s for the invention of Wonder Woman, Fawaz matches Themyscrira, the home island of Wonder Woman, to the idea of separatism of 1970s. As noted by De Beauvoir and Fawaz, it was impossible to imagine the life without men. Women have no separate history, no separate culture. They were attracted to the idea of an island, isolated from the rest of the world. This fantasy on the pages of the comic book has become a safe space for exploring the social, cultural and political possibilities and conflicting notions of a better, desirable world (Fawaz, Hall, Kinsella, 2017: 4).

 The very birth of Wonder Woman is a political statement. In the early 1930s Margaret Sanger has led the birth control movement. (Lepore, 2016: 147) The question of to whom belonged the power over the woman’s body has been on everyone’s lips. On the pages of The Origin of Wonder Woman Marston tells a story of a matriarchal birth, a celebration of woman’s agency. (Wonder Woman #1, 1942) Parallels can be found between the legend of Wonder Woman and Christian narratives, even more so than, for example, Superman, who is typically analysed as a Jesus figure. She is born, fathered by no mortal man, and sets on saving the humanity from the forces of hate and oppression, fighting injustice, suffering, intolerance and destruction. She is omnibenevolent and wise, even being chosen by the ring of the Star Sapphires, because her heart is abundant with love (Blackest Night: Wonder Woman #2, 2010) However, Diana has neither father, nor any similar patriarchal figure in her life. She is born in a feminist utopia with no contribution from a man. The significance of this phenomenon cannot be overstated. Wonder Woman is devoid of the weight of patriarchy; hence she is the manifestation of the feminist fantasy (Curtis, 2017: 307). For 70 years she has been an exceptional figure within the pop-culture, centered around the question of Fathers and Children and ignoring the trope of the Absent Mother. The feminist utopian fantasy, though, has been killed in 2012. Of all people, by her own new authors, Azzarello and Chiang. Not only does Wonder Woman have a father now, trivializing her story, taking away her legendary status, but also this new version destroys the sisterhood. In the new version, Hippolyta lies, because she is scared of Hera’s jealousy and revenge. The same Hera, who has protected Diana and Hippolyta from Zeus’ forced advances. The same Hera, who has blessed Diana at birth. Goddesses and Amazons are no longer a monolithic front, now they are pitted against each other, fighting over the affections of a man. Wonder Woman used to be a character born from defiance. Now she is a character born from fraud, and the supremacy of the male principle has been reinstated. (314)

 What early villains of the Wonder Woman comics share is their opposition to gender equality. Some villains were fictional, some of flesh and blood. Jill Lepore uncovers a schism, verging on an open war, between the writers of Wonder Woman in 1942 (Lepore, 2016: 210-213). Gardner Fox rejects the idea of the female superhero and downgrades Wonder Woman to typing out minutes and getting trapped to be saved by the male members of the Justice’s Society.

 (All-Star Comics #14)

He refuses to include her in the action and show her fighting side by side with the rest of her colleagues. (All-Star Comics #12-17, 1942-43) On contrary, the political influence of Marston’s Wonder Woman grows by leaps and bounds, both in fiction and in real life.

 It is worth to also compare the politics of visual presented by the case of Fox and Marston. Under Fox’s pen Wonder Woman becomes a meek female heroine, an incompetent lady, and the textbook token female character, which makes a team diverse without delivering any real contribution. After the death of Marston, she is stripped even of such nominal power. Just as Athena warns Amazons, if they submit to a man, they will lose their powers. The metaphor of the gauntlets is very curious, in fact. Amazons are bound, so that they do not forget what happens if they let man conquer them (Madrid 2009: 36). Surprisingly, Wonder Woman uses the gauntlets to protect herself, deflecting bullets and other weapons. We can see a careful threading of Marston’s motif on the struggle of women. A paradoxical situation of a shackle turned into a shield can be connoted as the remainder for women that they have broken free and they are powerful, but if they submit to a man, they will lose all their power. (Lepore, 2016: 220) Wonder Woman’s lasso is also a reference to a real-life phenomenon, specifically the lie detector. Its invention has fascinated Marston and on more than one occasion he has offered his services as the operator to the US Army (Lepore, 2016: 61). For him it has been a turning point in history of science and politics, and of course, Wonder Woman needs such a device in her adventures.

 Opposed to Fox’s portrayal, Marston’s Wonder Woman stands against the International Milk Company that has been overcharging for milk, “an essential element of American children’s lives”. It has been a direct criticism of politicians such as Al Smith. On the pages of the comic books, Al Smith turns into a Nazi secret agent Alphonso De Gyppo, the evil president of the International Milk Company. Twice he tries to kill Wonder Woman, but she manages to escape him and lead a political rally. She captures his evil boss, Baroness Paula von Gunther, and the prices for milk drop, to the gratitude of American children and everyone concerned. Another example involves a fictionalized social critique of the working conditions in America. A textile workers’ strike in Massachusetts, in 1912, is retold as a strike against Bullfinch’s Department Stores, as the workers are underpaid and exploited. The real villain is the fiancé of the lady, who is owning the Department Stores, and when she realizes his true evil nature, she punches him and takes over, doubling everyone’s salaries as the first order. (Sensation Comics #8, 1942)

  Everything feminine and girlish had been considered (still is) weak and boring (Lepore, 2016: 187). Marston, on the other hand, believed that men confuse desire with pleasure. They desire domination, while women can receive pleasure from both domination and submission. He felt that if there had been a strong beautiful woman (Marston wanted Wonder Woman to look like a Varga Girl), men would submit to her willingly and she would teach them love and peace. Never before such a character has existed (191). Submissiveness became power.

  (georgia peach, alberto vargas, esquire, 1940s)

The Women’s Army Auxiliary Corps are formed in 1942 by Roosevelt. Each issue of the solo Wonder Woman comic book has praised women, who have also been scientists, writers, politicians, social workers, doctors, nurses, athletes, and adventurers – or, in other words, Wonder Women of History. (Lepore, 2016: 220-222) Chained, tied up and gagged women are an allusion on the suffragist movement. Women seemingly reclaim the imagery of bondage and bound, giving it the implication of the struggle, the defiance, and resistance. Moreover, the idea of submission has been the new display of feminine supremacy. (236)

 Fretheim suggests noting that Wonder Woman’s weapons form circles and defines them as ‘vaginal weapons’ (Fretheim, 2017: 24) as opposed to phallic weapons such as guns and swords. That it, I must correct myself, until recently. As can be seen in Chiang reimagination of Wonder Woman, she is often depicted on the comic book covers with swords, axes and other weapons.

  As if drawn phallic weapons also raise the levels of testosterone, to match her updated apparel, new Wonder Woman is also more short-tempered, aggressive and has actually become the new Goddess of War after defeating Ares. (Cocca, 2014) However, some, like Walter J. Ong, have argued that even the earliest version of Wonder Woman has been ‘too much like a man’. (Lepore, 2016: 255) He criticizes her resistance towards marriage and family life, accuses her of sustaining only on the anti-social pure sexual allure, by standards of the men. He goes on to develop an argument that comics have been fascist propaganda, with the concept of ‘supermen’ directly borrowed from Nietzsche, ‘the herald of Nazism’. (256) If you are not sure who Walter J. Ong is, it is that same man who concluded that Batman and Robin promote homosexuality and we can say thanks to him for the Comics Code nonsense. So, we can see that Wonder Woman has constantly faced accusations of being ‘too masculine’. It is a hard job of being a girl in the boys club: you’re either the lady-friend who inevitably becomes the love interest or you’re a tomboy. Wonder Woman tries to be both, to be neither, to be something else entirely.

 Nonetheless, in 1944, out of all comic book superheroes, it is Wonder Woman, who becomes a newspaper strip. There is a considerable difference in exposure between comic books and daily newspapers, opening a whole new audience to Wonder Woman. She joins Superman and Batman as the first trans-media superheroes and thus the Trinity is formed. Marston has always been quite open about Wonder Woman being feminist psychological propaganda for the new type of strong and courageous womanhood. (220) The message of Wonder Woman transcends the comic books and becomes a social commentary on the gender politics and economic environment of the twentieth century.

 Unfortunately, this is the temporary liberation. The most sinister villain of them all turns out to be the peacetime. Once again, the comic book works as a mirror, reflecting the changes on the political and socio-cultural stage. With the end of the Second World War, there blooms a daunting realization that the service of women is no longer required. The period of high threat is relieved by the period of low threat and the decisive, tough heroes can loosen up. Not to undermine them and the returning soldiers, women all over the country are fired and urged, those unmarried, to tie the knot, and those married, to hurry up and procreate. Wonder Woman is stripped of her kinky red boots, of her position at the Justice’s Society and ultimately, her powers. She becomes a friendly guide for young ladies, who dream of fairy tale romance, a handsome husband and a multitude of little pink-cheeked copies of him, running around their little cozy house. (271)

  Feminist movement gave birth to Wonder Woman. Wonder Woman has become the symbol of the feminist movement. When Wonder Woman has appeared to be chained and depowered and forced to fit into categories she has been fighting against since her creation, “fellow sisters” has come to her aid. She is put on the cover of the Ms. magazine and once again blazes the fantasy of the female superhero, equal to Superman and Batman, and of the all-women culture, glorious in its isolation from the discrimination and oppression of the male imposition. (Lepore, 2016: 283; Fawaz, Hall, Kinsella, 2017: 8)

  Wonder Woman returns to peaceful protests on the pages of It Aint Me Baby and feminist newsletters. There starts the try and miss of the comic industry with the female characters. Wanting to cash in on feminists, Marvel attempts to introduce new female characters, but they all fail spectacularly after just a handful of issues. (Lepore, 2016: 289) Forty-five years later, the situation is not much better. Marvel executives even try to put the blame on the readers, because apparently the stories about diverse characters are not selling. (Cain, 2017)

To be fair, in 70s it has been a real issue. Nothing has been selling. Even Wonder Woman. The feminist movement is divided. Radical, liberal and intersectional movements emerge, at odds with each other. The Second Wave supports a predominantly white, heterosexual view.

 In 1987, Wonder Woman is rebooted. Pérez and Wein make her more ethnic, acknowledging her origins. They finally bring up the fact that on an island with 100 percent female population, homosexual relationships take place. (Wonder Woman Vol. 2 #38, 1990) In the #180 issue Diana is in a relationship with an African American man, Trevor Barnes. She gains her powers back. She addresses the issues of race, sexuality and gender. Wonder Woman rises again on the crest of the Third Wave of Feminism: a struggle for equality, diversity, complexity, inclusivity, individualism and cultural critique. (Cocca, 2014) However, due to historical processes, as history does not evolve in a linear, progressive fashion, the maturity and growth call for a major backlash (Cocca, 2016: 10). The comic books are then overflowing with hyper-masculine men and hyper-sexualized women. The new Wonder Woman, Artemis, has been criticized and remained unaccepted both by readers and by the characters of the comics themselves. For instance, Batman is openly dismissive of her and objects to her presence, going as far as forbidding Artemis to even sit in Diana’s chair in the Justice League Headquarters. (Wonder Woman Vol. 2 #90, 1994) The problem with Artemis is that she is too aggressive, too rash, and therefore, does not fit the norms of femininity, imposed by the predominantly male audience.

 Wonder Woman is rebooted anew in 2011, as mentioned before. Contrary to the critiques that Artemis has received, this Diana is also aggressive and ‘male-like’. Here we can notice a similar pattern. Because female empowerment associates in men’s mind opposite proportionately with male disempowerment, a strong female superhero that challenges the social structures terrifies the reader. Hence, Amazons are both objectified and dehumanized. They are no longer peaceful immortal protectors – after the reboot, in order to maintain their population and quench their sexual thirst, they engage in sexual intercourses with sailors, who have expressed dubious consent and are often killed off afterwards. Newborn girls are to stay on the island, while boys are sold into slavery to Hephaestus in exchange for weapons. Amazons’ queerness is erased from the narrative. Wonder Woman discovers that she has a brother, who is somehow more powerful than she is. (Justice League Vol. 2 #50, 2016)

 She also pursues romance with Steve Trevor. Their relationship is truly a double-edge sword. He has appeared in the first issue of Wonder Woman and has remained her supporting character since. The polarity of his character lies in the interpretation. From one side, he is a ‘token boyfriend’ (Robbins, 2006), from the other, he is a lonely boy in the refrigerator. Robbins argues that introduction of Steve Trevor should ensure the reader in Wonder Woman’s heterosexuality. Therefore, he is the political instrument that positions Wonder Woman in the framework of heteronormativity. On the other hand, it is an interesting subversion of the ‘damsel in distress’ trope. Steve Trevor gets in trouble and Wonder Woman rushes to his rescue. His suffering propels her plotline and he is secondary to her character, not having much of a distinct personality, changing with the trends over time, reflecting what kind of man is popular at that instance. The only constant is the mesmerized ‘Angel’ to Diana, which, in fact, either baffles or irritates her. (Sensation Comics #2, 1942) Either way, the existence of the character of Steve Trevor restricts Wonder Woman from exploring her diverse sexuality, but on the other hand constructs a new meaning for visual representation of Wonder Woman in the comics.

 During the Second World War, people have been constantly bombarded – by standardized imagery. With the rise of Communism and the National Socialism, the rhetoric of good and bad has returned to the military conflict. One side is morally right; their opponents then must be immoral and wrong. One side is the hero and the other side is the villain, aiming to oppress, torture and destroy. As we know from the fairytales, from everything we have been taught, the good side always wins the evil. The hero always arrives just in time and saves everyone. This stream of non-stop visuals from the media has produced something Alvin Toffler calls a ‘mass-mind’. (Toffler, 1980: 176) The comic books promote All-American ideology and the image of the superhero that defends the world with the help of the good sports from the American Army. It is a ready-to-wear moral certainty. The movements are represented by a particular group: the feminist movement is predominantly white and heterosexual; the LGBT movement receives one-dimensional representation of the G.

 In the late 70s the stream gradually becomes less uniform. Toffler introduces the concept of ‘a blip culture’ (177), a culture of confusion, feeling of abandonment and anger, because now the visuals are fragmented, contradictory, people are left to give these ‘blips’ their own meaning. The system pulsates with bigger and bigger amounts of data. Today we want out information fast. Faster. Memes, photos, tweets, and headlines of the articles we are never going to open to read in full at the top of the IPhone screen. We prefer to digest information through visuals. It does not matter where we live, in a developed or a developing country, in a metropolitan city or in the countryside, we stay up to date with the pop-culture. It necessarily consists of the modern and old media, which become another ode of propaganda and promotion of the ideas, people and trends that just ought to become popular. The power of textual is substituted by the power of the visual.

 Comics are the low genre of entertainment. It is primarily identified as being strictly for children and youth (Ndalianis, 2011: 113). And yet it has victoriously invaded the mainstream media. No matter how much so-called nerds desire to maintain the illusion of an exclusive boy-club, who are socially awkward and misunderstood by everyone, it is no longer a niche. The comic book characters’ faces decorate lunch boxes and backpacks; they become a new type of celebrity, symbols of the generations. It is no longer the comics in itself that is important – but the superheroes. The phenomenon of the superhero has transcended the medium of the comic book. Pop-culture turns politics into another component of the field of entertainment, and brings it on the transnational level. It becomes a performance, where the spectators are the citizens, divided into the politically charged individuals and apolitical witnesses. The superheroes are a fiction, but the borders of the fiction and the reality blur. With appearance of the superheroes on the screen, the audience starts associating the character with the face of the actor. Because the superheroes are already surrounded by myths, different interpretations and fandom, the figure of the superhero can become more real than the person, playing him or her. The imagery and simulacra, which are the foundation of the society, create a model of the prevailing life style of the said society. It is not the aggregate of the characters, but the social relationships between people, intermediated by these characters. (Baudrillard, 1994)

 To support my argument about how the superheroes received the status of celebrities and how Wonder Woman has become a simulacrum of the political figure, we need to break down the process into five stages. I shall bring some examples to build a case to explain how the superheroes have evolved in our consciousness and from mirrors have transformed into active agents that represent and influence masses.

 In 1996, a special edition comic book has been released, featuring Superman, to promote the landmine awareness among children. The comic has been distributed to Bosnia and the territories of the former Yugoslavia. DC has published the comic book in cooperation with the Department of Defense and UNICEF. So, exhibit one: the superheroes, as the role models, are suitable to educate children.

 In 2016, a certain video has gone viral under the name Avengers Against Trump. In reality, it has little to do with Marvel and its team of superheroes, but it has starred some of the actors from the cast of the Avengers, such as Scarlett Johansson, who have been emphasizing the importance of each and every vote. Their disdain for Trump becomes the disdain of the superhero they play. Exhibit two: the process is started, the reality and the fiction begin to merge, the figure of the actor is perceived not as a celebrity of interest, but as the avatar of the superhero.

 On February 7, 2016, Turkish Airlines has released a commercial, where they have been ‘pleased to announce the new destination: Gotham City’. Ben Affleck appears during the commercial, credited as Bruce Wayne. Exhibit three: real life companies utilize the superheroes as the ambassadors of the brand. The line between performers and the superheroes they play becomes even thinner. The superhero becomes more real.

 In this fashion, Wonder Woman is no different. Maybe even more exemplary, as she has been created specifically as feminist propaganda. The artwork in Mural, Philadelphia, depicting Wonder Woman landing a punch on Donald Trump, illustrates quite well the extent to which the reality of our social and political consciousness and superhero narratives influence each other.

 Wonder Woman is a superhero, which defends all defenseless and openly stands against discrimination and oppression – and there she stands against Donald Trump, a person in a position of power, who is infamous for his racism and sexism. Exhibit number four: gathering information and background from the comics, TV-shows and movies, we analyse it and draw our own conclusions and assume that the superheroes have certain opinions about the realm of noumena, to which they do not belong, and what these opinions would be. Most people would agree that Batman is – notice how the conditional would be is dropped – for gun control. Harley Quinn is crazy about Comic-Cons. Wonder Woman is anti-Trump.

 Wonder Woman has become a symbol and a spokesperson of modern feminism through this fusion of fiction, politics and personalities of the actresses. Wonder Woman has become a simulacrum of a celebrity and by extension a political figure. She makes choices, supports some politicians and publicly disapproves others. The critical point of this development takes place on October 21, 2016, when the UN has decided to use Wonder Woman in an honorary role in the empowerment campaign to fight for gender equality, and thus, Wonder Woman is appointed as the UN ambassador. The final exhibit: it shows that the superhero is treated like a real person and has been given exercisable political power. One might point out that she has been demoted from the position two months after, but the case rests. We live in a world, where Wonder Woman has become an ambassador of the United Nations, even if only for two months.

(Wonder Woman design art, Harry G Peter, 1942)

Bibliography

Fawaz, R., Hall, J., & Kinsella, H. (2017). Discovering paradise islands: The politics and pleasures of feminist utopias, a conversation. Feminist Review, 116(1), 1-21.

 Lepore, J. (2015). The Secret History of Wonder Woman. New York: Knopf.

 Curtis, N. (2017). Wonder Woman’s symbolic death: On kinship and the politics of origins. Journal of Graphic Novels and Comics, 8(4), 307-320.

 Madrid, M. (2009). ‘Sirens and Suffragettes.’ The Supergirls: Fashion, Feminism, Fantasy, and the History of Comic Book Heroines. Ashland, OR: Exterminating Angel, 2009. 145–81. Print.

 Fretheim, I. M. (2017) Fantastic Feminism: Female Characters in Superhero Comic Books. Trykk: Reprosentralen, Universitetet i Oslo

 Cocca, C. (2014). Negotiating the Third Wave of Feminism in "Wonder Woman". PS: Political Science and Politics, 47(1), 98-103.

 Cocca, C. (2016). Superwomen: gender, power, and representation.

 Cain, S. (2017). Marvel executive says emphasis on diversity may have alienated readers. The Guardian. Available at: https://www.theguardian.com/books/2017/apr/03/marvel-executive-says-emphasis-on-diversity-may-have-alienated-readers [last accessed on 1 May, 2018]

 Robbins, T. (2006). Wonder Woman, Lesbian Or Dyke?: Paradise Island as a Woman's Community. Available at: http://girl-wonder.org/papers/robbins.html [last accessed on 15 April, 2018]

 Toffler, A. (1981). The third wave. London: Pan in association with Collins.

 Ndalianis, A. (2011). Why Comics Studies? Cinema Journal, 50(3), 113-117.

 Baudrillard, J. (1994). Simulacra and Simulation. Ann Arbor, University of Michigan Press.

 Fly to Gotham City with Turkish Airlines! Super Bowl TV SPOT (2016) Available at:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pS7JBHxdxko [last accessed on 8 May, 2018]

 Avengers Against Trump. Available at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NnK9tEdNjX8 [last accessed on 8 May, 2018]

[boyoh]

maybe some of you know this about me, some of ya may not

i’ve worked at a piercing shop for the last like year and a half and for the longest time it was going to be my career

i was going to be a professional piercer

but as time has gone on, i realized how under-appreciated i am

how my knowledge and hard work is overlooked for the times when i’ve been very sick and need to take time to recover

i don’t have a great immune system, partially due to a lot of gatekeeping issues surrounding me medically transitioning at a younger age

i also work 2 jobs, i work full time at a really lovely pizza place, and part-time at the shop but i won’t have days off for weeks on end and that starts to take a toll on me

i called out of work today because i’ve been feeling sick and when i spoke to my manager at the shop, she just sounded disappointed in me, not realizing that i’m a human that needs time to rest and recover

need i remind you, i haven’t requested a day off or called in sick for MONTHS and i still get backlash for needing to recover

i am the longest-standing counter associate at this shop, one of the most knowledgeable people there aside from my piercers

i had an apprenticeship once upon a time and when i had a scheduling mix-up and was recovering from a cellulitis infection on my face, i had my hours cut drastically

i was working 5 days a week (still not getting full-time hours) and i got cut down to 3

when i was sick and had to call out so i could see my doctor i was told i was unreliable and made to feel like i was not a vital part of the team

for reference, i make $11/hour — 50¢ under california minimum wage for the number of employees at the shop

i don’t get lunch breaks, my boss just started allowing us 2x 15-minute breaks during the day but i get backlash from my piercers when i try to take that time to refresh myself and be the best i can be with customers

the whole point of me making this post is so i can vent

i get yelled at just about every shift, nobody else gets backlash for slacking on things or taking a moment to drink some water when someone walks in the door

i am underpaid and overworked without breaks

each month i make roughly $800 whereas the owner of my shop rakes in AT LEAST $40,000 a month from the shop alone

i have finally realized my worth

i’m worth more than $11/hour

i’m worth more than being denied breaks (which is illegal btw)

i’m worth more than the shit i get every day either at work or needing to take time for my body to recover from things in order to function at my best

thankfully, my other job is absolutely lovely

management actually cares about people, not numbers

they want to take care of me because they see my worth

i love supporting small businesses but i hate working for a tyrannical, conservative boss that does not see my worth

i am making this post because i’d like to start a new chapter in my life

my fiancé and i are moving, we plan to get married in the next year or two and have children within the next 5 years

i am glad to be starting anew, i am glad to be leaving an environment where i wrote off neglect for my well-being as “paying my dues”

i have paid my dues, i no longer have my apprenticeship and it was handed to somebody with MUCH less experience than myself

i am done paying dues to someone who does not see my worth, who sees my health as a hinderence and not a priority

i am thankful for the people in my life (especially my fiancé) who push me to be the happiest i can be and still take care of myself

because i matter more than a business, i matter more than less than minimum wage, i matter more than the ideal associate of my boss who wants me to be but a drone for her