#which I doubt was alot
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(warning for mentioned su!c!d3 itâs very brief but I wanna make sure in case people arenât comfortable with any mention of it)
alright here we go
CAN I ALSO TALK ABOUT HOW F-CKED UP THE WHOLE SNAKE SITUATION IS
BECAUSE HOLY SH-T
FIRST BOTH BOYS THINK THEYVE LOST THE âLOVE OF THEIR LIFEâ TO A SNAKE AND OF COURSE JOAQUIN BLAMES MANOLO BECAUSE GRIEF IS A B-TCH AND HE WAS IN THE WRONG FOR SAYING IT BUT STILL
AND MANOLO LATER ON WHILE IN A VULNERABLE STATE BECAUSE HE THINKS HE GOT HIS FIANCĂE/BEST FRIEND KILLED GETS BASICALLY MANIPULATED INTO COMMITTING SU!C!D3 ANDâŚâŚlike that is so fucked up for xibalba to do like really fucked up(besides giving a CHILD a medal of ever lasting life cause heâs a d!ck who likes taking advantage of people but whatever) AND THEN HIS BEST FRIEND HIS CHILDHOOD BEST FRIEND!!!
PROBABLY EITHER FOUND HIS DEAD BODY OR HE FOUND OUT ABOUT IT
DO YOU REALIZE WHAT THAT COULD DO TO SOMEONE
Joaquin in this moment thinks both his friends are gone that heâll never see either of em ever again
do you realize how suffocating
how painful
how harmful that is to someone
and then when Maria wakes upâŚguess who has to break the news to her that her would kinda be fiancĂŠe is dead
JOAQUIN OF COURSE
and then both of them while still grieving get forced into a marriage neither of them want
itâs horrible
especially when you take in Mariaâs pov who was trying to protect her lover from a snake and wakes up to learn it was for nothing she lost someone she cared for deeply and then sheâs going to get married to someone she DOESNT EVEN LOVE
and donât get me started on how Joaquin has to marry his childhood love knowing sheâll never love him back KNOWING THAT SHEâLL FOREVER MISS AND GRIEVE A MAN THAT DESERVED HER WAY MORE THAN HIM(idk I feel like heâd probably think that in his grief riddled mind but maybe thatâs just me)
all in all this whole thing is awful and I feel so bad for them
#this s also really f-cked when you think about how much time passed#which I doubt was alot#this is FRESH GRIEF#all in all#horrible and saddening scene#I feel bad for all parties involved#AND THIIS STARTED BECAUSE TWO IMMATURE GODS GOT BORED#itâs so aggravating#xibalba and la meurte kinda p!ss me off not gonna lie here#but Iâll make a rant about that on my other blog#idk I just really wanna talk about this scene and the thoughts and how we interpret it#i interpreted this as three people made miserable by societal expectations and pressure put on them by their families and legacies#AND IT SUCKS#the only good character is candle maker#and the three babes who suffer from unfortunate circumstances they have no control over#either way#I again later on will my a HUGE post about my interpretation of this movie and what I thought about it and the three main characters#soâŚ..be excited?#I guess??#my stuffy stuff#book of life#analyzing#word barf#might do a full analysis later because this whole thing makes me feel SO MANYNTHINGS#sorry if my spellings bad today im pretty tired and my eyesight is pretty bad because of it#Iâll fix it in the morning probably
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apparently it's race week wtf??? i have a 10PM shift though so.....
#amgf is yapping. . .#another proof of life!!!#once i get abhang of this internship i might post something#but y'all i don't even want to do anything when i get home#but thw internship is a fun and learning experience i'm very much enjoying the labs and working in an actual hospital#i had my doubts in the first few days but thought i would've never have this experience in a different hospital#that's just a could've would've situation that aside i'm learning alot and they have a vitros 5600??? yo i only saw that in books it's cool#a bit intimidated using it but i'm not assigned in cc yet so i'm just looking around the ropes on how to operate the machine đ¤§#12 hour shifts which are actually kinda bearable and miserable 2 pm shifts#i'm looking forward for my day off but i might study instead so... yeah!#see y'all soon
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i had the strangest dream where kotoko's door reveal was that it ended up being the gates leading outside milgram prison and everyone was freaking out because GUYS SHE'S ESCAPING STOP HER GET HER BACK IN
#i was panicked too but its funnier in hindsight. girl just decided to leave us#speaking of which i wonder what symbolism kotoko will have? alot of her locations wee outside and i doubt it'd be the warehouse...?#ę° đź ęą ââ cinnamon prattles
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the fear of being absolutely incomprehensible is a big one
#i think it comes from seeing how the people in my family (myself included) have responded and reacted to the other schizophrenic ppl in my#family. which is alot in my immediate family#when I see these symptoms in myself yes thereâs this fear of whatâs gonna happen to my brain but my biggest worry is how I will be othered#yes all the people who hurt me in my family are schizophrenic yes they wouldâve done it anyway. vaguing my dad because he doesnât understand#I already see things hear things have fixed delusions#etc but theees so much pressure on me to. not have the rest of those symptoms#and I doubt my parents know it#hell I put the majority of that stress on myself. idk im black and if I start talking âânonsenseââ in public somebody might have the right y#to kill me#if I canât understand myself how can someone else understand me#if I canât understand the world around me how can I keep myself safe#im so fucking frustrated
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God can hori be any more heavy handed with the "DONT YOU WANT TO BE NORMAL NORMAL NORMAL" bestie, shes drinking other kids blood, thats not just "not normal". This weird retcon thing is annoying, Idk why hed bother putting her backstory in when he didnt give much of a shit about it đ
The thing is, I actually don't think trying to say Toga's blood drinking is normal is necessarily bad or something that can't be done well. Quirks are a major part of the world and the story overall--it's not that far fetched that blood drinking might be a normal thing a person with a Quirk would want to do. If people can accept people that can make explosions which could also be dangerous to kids and people (and very much was for Izuku) then it's not a huge stretch to accept that blood drinking for Toga is normal and she should be accepted as such.
The issue is that Hori didn't really make that the issue. I don't think he really sees it himself given how he wrote Mineta, but Toga's main problem and why shes not accepted is a matter of consent not because she's seen as a creep.
This is why her backstory doesn't work very well, besides the fact it's way to late and very short. Yes, her parents freak out about her Quirk and obsession with blood. The problem is that they don't freak out for zero reason and are the only ones who reject her.
No child should be drinking the blood of birds. Whether she killed it or not, birds carry many diseases and parasites harmful to people. Her father shouldn't have hit her (because, I guess he did even though it's poorly conveyed), but the shock given what she's doing is understandable. Especially if they think she killed it (which is weird, and suggests she might have done something they found disturbing before this or were bad parents regardless of her Quirk).
Then they yell at her because she's biting her finger bloody. That's self harm and something you would want to send a child to therapy for. Sure, the counselor didn't help, but it's not like they can give Toga what she wants.
That's hammered home when they yell at her again when she drinks another kids blood. Hori messes up and doesn't show us what happens so we don't know if she hurt this other kid, or if they were scared of her or if they were fine with it.
Just giving us a look at her parents reaction doesn't give us any idea how she was seen by her peers. Because of that it's hard to make the case that she was only rejected for her Quirk alone, rather then her actions. In fact the only time we see other students they say she was popular and well liked until she attacked a boy in the class.
Given how young she looks when her parents yell at her for sucking another kids blood, and the fact she fled school after she attacked her crush, it appears these were separate events. If that was the case people in her school might have already heard about her sucking a kids blood earlier, and clearly not cared. In the very least we have to assume they knew her Quirk involved blood because Hori doesn't make any suggestion that it was hidden.
And that's why the theme of acceptance and Toga being normal because blood drinking is a part of her falls flat. No one ever said shit about her Quirk ever, except for her parents in sparse flashbacks. Ochako never thinks her blood drinking is gross nor do any of the the other Heroes or class 1A students. Hell, Tenya doesn't even bad mouth Stain for drinking blood even though he hated the guy so much he wanted him dead. This doesn't make it seem like the world rejected her for her Quirk.
No, the entire problem is that Toga doesn't understand consent or boundaries. We never see her ever ask anyone, even as a kid if she can drink their blood (that would have been a better scene then her drinking birds blood imho) and get rejected and told off and bullied/ostracized for her desire. Which if that did happen would explain why she never asks again and feels no one will accept her.
And, you could blame her parents and the therapist for this, but I'd just wager Hori doesn't really grasp that consent is the issue here. Mainly because Ochako never addresses it in anyway, even though she does bring up Toga's crimes. She offers her blood to Toga for life, but does not say that difference between Toga drinking her blood as opposed to anyone else's is because she is giving permission.
In the end Toga doesn't learn anything and just gets what she wanted given to her. Maybe Hori will address this next chapter but it really should have been brought up sooner. That or he should have had Toga actually not be accepted what-so-ever and shunned by all her peers for her Quirk even before she attacked her crush.
And this is part of the reason I really don't like the queer reading of the chapter is because by doing so it is suggesting that queer people are dangerous. If we read Toga's blood drinking as the same as kissing--which she seems to say (though her expression while drinking blood suggests something more...problematic) then she has been going around kissing people against their will to fulfill her own needs. If we read this as queer, is the story not saying that repressed gay people will sexually harass people because they can't understand consent when they inevitably snap?
I'm not saying this was or is Hori's intent. I think it's pretty clear he just didn't see how big an issue of consent there was with Toga and her Quirk. He wanted it to be all about how she wasn't accepted as normal, but didn't put in the work of showcasing that well. He has a lousy track record with female characters getting way less attention and with his rush to finish on top of that, Ochako and Toga got screwed with a half baked climax. Unfortunately that's also left it with less then great implications if you think about it for a coupe of minutes.
#ask#thanks for the ask!#sorry for the wait#and the back log of the other ones in my inbox#but i have a hard time focusing on one thing to talk about with Toga#since her character has so many problems#and the last chapter just pissed me off#cuz i'm sorry but neither of these two people know each other at all#Ochako doesn't know Toga's past#shes not seeing the flashbacks#and Toga knows even less about ochako#she just likes ochako because it gives Hori an excuse to draw girl on girl touching#like i'm sorry but I really doubt it's much deeper then that#I mean if he does make Toga/Ochako canon it's nice that wlw relationships get some exposure#but I wouldn't say it was good representation and I don't think that's means Hori is 100% behind gay rights#like at best I'd think he's like that fresh price meme âhe's confused but he's got the spiritâ#which is better then you generally get from a shonen jump title#so I wouldn't say it's worthless or unimportant#but that doesn't mean it doesn't have alot of flaws#and this isn't me saying all queer ships have to be wholesome/perfect#it's just that i think if it canon it will be treated as wholesome when it's really not#like way more issues then Catadora from She-ra#anti togachako#anti toga#anti himiko#mha#bnha spoilers#bnha#bnha critical#bnha 393
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Thinking about a certain scene in Dungeon Meshi that completely encapsulates the Autistic experience of making friends as an adult and how hard it is to try and navigate it without ending up getting hurt.
Like IDK about y'all, but this is a common problem ALOT of Autistic Adults face when trying to make friends with other people, because unlike children who aren't good at keeping their opinions to themselves, Adults ARE. In society, we're even encouraged to "keep the peace" "be polite" and etc, which commonly leads to awful scenarios as shown above when Laois finds out his buddy has come to resent who Laois is without actually telling him. All too often the friends that we love to hang out with, people that we're so happy to spend time with, don't feel the same way and in many cases, come to blame us for our social cues or lack thereof.
And when/if we do eventually find out how our friend feels, Dungeon Meshi hits us with another painful panel of how that usually ends up playing out.
It's hard for Adults with Autism to make friends, and even harder to maintain them because alot of the ways Neurotypicals tell other Neurotypicals that they don't like a certain behavior is by quietly disengaging. Whether that involves having one sentence answers, going quiet, or having a certain tone in their voice, all those things signal annoyance or disapproval, but for the Neurodivergents, those subtle cues are completely missed.
And yet when we inevitably discover we DID do something, it is natural to ask "well why didn't you tell me?" because in our minds, it should've been the next step in the equation. However for the Neurotypicals, that's NOT something to bring up. Its important to be SUBTLE about the issue at hand and rely on signals to tell the other person. Blame is placed on us for not noticing the "obvious" signs of disapproval rather than the idea of talking it out as such things are uncomfortable and harder to do. Alot of the time what ends up happening is resentment due to the idea that it was "obvious" and the fact one didn't notice indicates a deliberate ignorance rather than a complete unawareness. It ends up calling into question our quality as a person and our sincerity. We get called "fake" or "malicious" or even "stupid" for failing social cues rather than questioning the decision to be indirect and vague.
For a manga about exploring the dungeon, it seems that the artist would rather explore very real and prevalent dynamics in society with the adventuring premise as a backdrop. I felt VERY seen in these panels, and many others, because it happens so suddenly and dare I say it, plainly. There's no dramatic build-up or spectacle made and in essence, it just Happens.
I think that's what makes the scene hit even harder. It seemingly comes out of nowhere for Laois, like how it always comes out of nowhere for alot of people, and it's never a dramatic twist either. It's always mundane and hurtful. A sudden unforeseen bump in the road that ends up calling into question one's entire friendship with someone and consequent other friendships. It asks "what if other friends feel the same. What if the people that I really like actually hate me and I don't know it?" Or at least that's what I came away with after reading the chapter. I've been where Laois was and the only reason I'm not there now is because I lost the naivete I had and doubt everyone else's sincerity.
#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#laois touden#laois dungeon meshi#ryoko kui#dungeon meshi analysis#autistic things#autism#adults with autism#autistic adult#neurodiversity#neurodivergent
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OUR CAFE IN JEJU
You and Dae ho plan to open a cafe in jeju after you both leave the games
GENRE: Angst
PAIRING: Kang Dae ho x gn!reader
It's night time, or atleast you guess it was as you sit awake, your eyes slowly drifting to all the people who slept blissfully, as if though they all didn't just witness multiple killings
The sight almost disgusted you,
Almost
Gi hun, or no. 456, the man who oddly reminded you of your father, decided that everyone should take turns watching over your group as you all slept
Currently, it was your turn,
you find yourself leaning against the cold steel railing of the bed, your feet swinging softly going along with your steady breath
You don't mind the silence, it was a good break from the constant chaos, you didnt mean only in the games but also from real life
You always did prefer the silence anyways
"Oh y/n" followed by a stretched yawn, you watch as Dae ho sleepily crawled out from underneath the bed
"It's my turn now to watch over" he says despite his eyes still being closed shut and his speech languoress "you should get some rest"
A soft smile etched your face unconsciously upon seeing his drowsy state
You swear, you almost found the very sight cute
You shake your head softly "It's alright, i don't mind staying awake. I doubt I'd get any sleep anyway. You should rest"
Dae ho's eyebrows knitted upon hearing your words, immediately waking him up from his drowsiness
"Then I guess we'll both be staying awake" he props himself next to you, his signature grin on his face
This time your the one frowning, sighing as you insist the brawny man "Dae ho, seriously it's fine, you look sleepily anyway"
But this just seemed to make him even more stubborn as he shook his head, pieces of his long hair moving along with his head causing you to laugh softly, your hand covering your mouth
Dae ho lazily smiles back at you before the both of you nestle in the silence that surrounded the entire room
"You were amazing in today's game, i feel like i haven't mentioned it enough" you nudge his shoulder as you say, choosing to be the one ro break the silence
You half expect him to tell you that it's because hes a marine and marines can do everything but instead you find him with an uncharacteristic shy smile on his face
"I just played the game alot with my older sisters" he admitted in a rather bashfull manner
You nodd your head "you guys must be really close then?"
Dae ho nodds back without much comment, you take it as a sign that he might not like talking about them much
"Sorry" he awkwardly laughs "i know I'm usually not like this"
You raise your eyebrow
"I mean" he pauses before rubbing the back of his neck, you quickly note the way his t shirt sleeve pushed back, showing his arm muscle "im usually talkative and all. I usually don't like the silence but i guess i dont mind it when I'm with you"
You bite back the warmth that attempts to streak your face as you let out a soft hum
"I know you don't like talking alot" Dae ho says as he quickly takes a peek at your face "I've noticed that you keep to yourself most of the time"
He awkwardly chuckles, looking down "maybe you don't enjoy talking that much-"
"No-" your voice interrupts him, startling both you and him with your sudden interjection
Immediately his posture straightens as he whips his head towards you, his eyes locking into yours, almost desperate to hear what you have to say
"I don't mind" the words unwittingly tumble out your mouth before you could stop yourself
You notice Dae Ho's intense gaze which noted was unusualof him, his eyes fixated on you as he hangs on to your every word
Your clear your throat "I don't mind it too" you whisper softly "talking I mean"
Dae ho blinks, once, twice, before he shakes his head lightly as if though he was in a trance
"Right. Talking" he repeats your words while still rapidly blinking
You internally curse yourself, why do you always have to say things the wrong way?
"Yea..." your voice trails off and once again the both of you were surrounded by odd tranquility
You take a glance at Dae ho, his eyes up at the piggy bank of money that hanged on the ceiling. Your eyes follow his as you stare along at the stacks of paper
"What are you gonna do after all of this is over?" You whispered out of the silence to him
Dae ho realized you saw him staring at the money, before briefly looking back at you and then the money
"Pay off all my debts I guess" he said with a tight lipped smile
"No I mean" you tilt your head towards him "after that. I'm pretty sure your gonna have some money left"
Dae ho leaned behind as he wondered outloud "uhm"
He clicks tongue when he gets his answer "that's right! I've always wanted to open a cafe"
"A cafe?" You ask puzzled, that wasn't something you'd expect from a ex marine, that too someone like Dae ho
"that's right! In jeju" his eyes sparkled as he grinned ear to ear, speaking excitedly
"oh" He turns to you "and what about you? After paying your debts. What do you want to do?"
You think thoughtfully before you contemplate your answer
"I guess i wanna start my life over, maybe somewhere in an island"
Dae ho grins brightly when he hears your words "Hey! You should come with me then"
"What?" You ask slightly taken back at his sudden invite, you didnt think he considered you to be close enough for him to invite you to join him after all this was over
"Yea it's the perfect plan !!, you wanna start your life over in an island and i want a cafe in Jeju. Well isn't jeju a island? And the best one too!!"
You almost want to laugh at his childish demeanour but you don't, instead your grin matches his as you watch him continue
"Think about it, i'll open a cafe in jeju and you can help me run it"
"Can we adopt a pet dog?" You meekly ask
Dae ho's eyes widened as if though the very fact that you had to ask him made him feel offended "ah ofcourse!" His voice boisterous which caused you to shush him
"Sorry!" He whispers while turning over to look at the people sleeping, checking if anyone awoke.
You lean in towards him as he whispers "I mean- ofcourse. We can adopt as many dogs as you want"
"I guess I'll have to start picking names from now" you quip which made him beam
"Alright! It's settled then" he points at you "you, me, and our adopted dogs will open a cafe in jeju together. You can manage the cafe and I'll make coffee for our customers"
You watch as he smiles and talk animatically, suddenly feeling downcast, you can't help it when a feeling of dejection befalls your face.
You hope that Dae Ho doesn't notice but the look on his face says otherwise as he softens his voice "Hey, are you okay? Did I go to far?"
"No, you didnt" you say with a wistful smile "It's just, we don't know what's gonna happen next. I dont know whether I'll survive the next game or not"
You hear Dae Ho take in a deep breath before releasing a deep sigh "I guess you have a point there too"
"Sorry" you feel the urge to apologise "I ruined the mood-"
But Dae Ho intervenes your apology, he won't have you saying sorry, not to him
"I guess that just gives you more reason to stick around me huh?" He says playfully, he nudges your shoulder with his signature grin on his face "i'll make sure we get out of here together no matter what"
You snort, an attempt to hide your amusement but he catches on. He always did when it came to you
"Hey seriously!" he puts his hand in his chest when he begins reciting in a loud voice "I, Kang Dae Ho promise to take y/n l/n to jeju and open a cafe together"
You cover his mouth with your hand amidst your quiet giggles "people are sleeping silly" you scold him, despite your light tone and the smile on your face
Dae ho shuts up, but the twinkle in his eyes says otherwise
"Y/n" he whispers as he sticks out his pinky finger towards you "Promise me too"
"Promise you?"
"Promise me that when we get out of here, we'll both restart out lives in jeju"
You interlock your pinky with his, he noticed the spark in your eye
"And you'll open a cafe in jeju" you continue
Dae Ho's face lit up even more than before "and we'll adopt three dogs- no five dogs!"
He corrects himself while you stifle in your laughter
"I promise to help you run it" your voice soft and warm as both of your pinkies layed interlocked with one another
"Promise"
âË・âââ・Ëâ
The child's voice plays over the speaker as it sings the same song over again and again,
you've lost count for how many rounds this game has been going on, feeling dizzy on the spinning carousel as you feel Dae ho's tight grip on your wrist.
"Just one more time y/n" he insist to you over the blaring sound of the childish song "just one more time and this game would be over"
You nodd, unable to say anything as you sweat profusely, your heart beating rapidly
Dae ho takes in your silence as your answer as he gives you a quick nodd, turning over to look at gi hun and song il, letting go of your hand for a moment
Suddenly the carousel stops to a halt, you find yourself falling down harshly before you could even realise that it stopped
A feminine voice declares a number but your unable to coin what it was as your layed on the ground, only being able to hear the sound of people running and screaming
Dae ho looks around frantically, eyes widened when he realised your not next to him
"Y/n?" He mutters at first before he began shouting your name like a mad man
You scream his name too, but with no avail, as a hysterical crowd of people separated the both of you
Dae ho's eyes widen as his brows lift, he breaks away from jeong bae's grasp as he runs away from his team, searching for you in amidst the chaos
He doesn't realise the way his trembles or the way he stutters when he shouts your name, all he wants right now was you to be back at his side
He should have never let go of your hand
He runs around the room as he belts out your name as loud as he can, pushing people away, shouting at them while he asked whether they saw you or not
Suddenly he finds himself being pulled back by Young ill and Jeong Bae
"Wait! Wait! stop!" He screamed against their hold, thrashing and moving "y/n! They're still out there!" He hysterically screamed
Young ill gripped the younger man tightly as Jeong Bae pushed him into a room
"Time is running out, the count down has begun" jeong Bae attempts to appease to his junior who refuses to listen "im sure they'll be safe with others"
But there was an unexplainable feeling in the pits of Dae ho's stomach that says other wise. Every single cell in his body screamed at him, telling him that you weren't safe
He promised to be always by your side didn't he?
"Hyung please" he mumbled his words rapidly while clutching the arms of the two other men who held him back "hyung please! Let me go! let me go i need to find-"
Jeong Bae and Young ill push him into a room despite his refusal to enter, opposing his wishes
"Stop! Stop don't close the door" Dae ho pushes Young ill away from the door as he prys to keep it open "they're still out there-" he splutters
Young ill grabs Dae ho by the neck, putting him in a headlock while dragging him away from the door, urging jeong Bae to shut it
"The room is full" he mutters under his breath into Dae hos ear "do want all of us to die?'
"No! You dont understand" Dae ho splutters against the older man's hold, not paying attention to his words at all
"no let me go, i need y/n, i told them" Dae ho begs, his face getting red "I told them I'll protect them"
His breathing becomes more shallow and rapid when he hears the lock of the door, finally prying away from young ills grasp
He shakes his head as he tries opening the door which simply stood unmoving against his force
"No no no" he repeatedly muttered "no y/n" his sweaty palms trying to pull open the steel door while all the other two men in the room could do was look bleakly at him
"Dae ho... I'm sure they'll be safe wit-" jeong Bae words are cut short by a familiar defeaning shriek which causes Dae ho's face to pale
"Dae ho!" You scream his name as you pass by all the closed rooms, searching for him
Dae ho shouts your name back through the small hole in the door, exerting more force on trying to open the door
You press yourself to the door of the room Dae ho was in, only seeing his widened eyes
"Y/n! Y/n!" He shouted repeatedly while banging the door "Fuck the door isn't opening! Why won't the door open" he wailed while hitting the door
You whisper his name in between hiccups, your eyes filled with water as you watched him pry to open the door
"Please y/n" Dae ho sobbs "please" his breath shallow
You shake your head against the cold door "im sorry"
"Y/n?" Dae ho watches you horrified
"I'm so sorry Dae ho" you breathed out "I don't think I can come to jeju with you"
A loud bang, followed by even more shouting and screaming and more shooting could be heard
Dae ho watched as your eyes once which looked at him with joy was now lifeless and empty, he hears your body thud on the floor, he falls down along with you, body pressing to the door
Now, only the steel door being in the path of both of your bodies from being once again reunited
"Dae ho" you whisper from the other side of the door while he hears you take your last breath
"I would have loved opening a cafe with you in jeju"
#squid game 2#squid game#squid game x reader#squid game season 2#player 388#player 388 x reader#kang dae ho#kang dae ho x reader#dae ho x reader#dae ho#squid game dae ho#squid game fanfic#squid game angst#dae ho angst#player 388 angst
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that was mean- nicholas
summary: nicholas was having a bad week and gave you the silent treatment.
warning: argument, crying, happy ending
a/n: i couldn't stop thinking abt this no joke. so ofc i had to write it out
from late at night till he left early this morning for work nicholas has been either quiet rude or both.
we haven't spoken to eachother or not even silents acts of love. nothing.
he cut his alarm clock off and i tried to give him a hug before he got out the bed and he pushed me off of him "not right now" he grumbled and got out of bed
when he left for work i said 'bye' to maybe break the silence shared between us, but i got no response. it was starting to get lonely. i missed my bestfriend that was also my boyfriend
i had nobody to mess with or someone to talk to about my day.
to stop these lingering thoughts i go back to bed to maybe get my mind off of things.
--
i wake up around 8 am which was later than the time i usally woke up around, but today was sorta a lazy day.
it was gloomy not much sun was shining, it rained a little here and there. it was more of a slow day for me so the extra rest was very much needed
i text my boyfriend forgetting about the whole silent treatment ordeal.
me: how's your day going so far?? :)
and to no suprise i was left on delivered and soon left on seen. i messaged him periodically throught the day; hoping that maybe he would reply
it was almost time for dinner which normally nicholas cooks cause he's just better at it, but i didn't know when he was coming home or if he would even do it, so i look up some quick easy recipes and nothing struck my fancy but the pizza recipe. cause how hard could it really be?
i put a packet of yeast into my bowl along with some flour, water, oil, and salt. i let that sit for 30 minutes then im back to cooking again.
spreading flour onto the counter and placing the dough onto it; kneading it into a circle shape. this was harder than i thought
i look around for the marinara sauce and i put it into a different bowl and add a few light seasonings.
i paste that onto the dough, then i sprinkle some alot of cheese onto the pizza and my additional toppings bell peppers, spinach, and mushrooms.
i was so proud of myself especially sense i wasnt the cook, out of me and nicholas. i was really excited for him to try what i made but again i highly doubt he would even eat the food.
i put the pizza away into the oven completely forgetting to set a timer and put on a movie while i wait.
--
a smell of burning was the first thing that woke me up. "shit shit shit" i repeat totally freaking out remembering i left the pizza in the oven.
i get a rag and ineffectivley wave smoke out the air. when i open the oven it smelled horrible. i was coughing from all the smoke that had entered my lungs.
i take the burning pizza out and throw it into the sink, and hose it down with the water.
thats when i hear the front door open and mentally face palm. "what's that smell?" he asks "i kinda burnt a pizza that i tried to make"
"of course you did" he mutters sounding unimpressed. "and the fuck you mean 'kinda' you obviously did burn a damn pizza" he gestures to the chunk of charcoal burnt pizza
"it's not like i did it on purposes or something if thats what you think" my tone sounding a bit confronting.
"It's smells fucking horrible so open a damn window first off" he took a step closer raising his voice.
"you don't pay for shit so i don't understand why you almost had this place in flames secondly. then you also wanna blow up my phone while im working for crying out loud what do you want from me!" he yelled directly in my face
and im sure he knows by now i hate being yelled at. it's something my parents did and overall doesn't solve anything
i just take it, i didn't wanna fight so i go over to the nearest window and crack it open so the smoke clears.
my eyes watered from all the harsh words he could dish out but not the equal amount of attention "well.. you are- when i was.. ugh s'not my fault" i couldn't get a full sentence out. i felt so belittled in this moment
"im going to bed i don't have time for your stupid ass shit" those words hurt more than he thinks.
he had the most patience for me, always making time for us and now he doesnt.
"that's so mean.. you're being so mean" i wipe some tears that had fallen. i turned away from him silently crying.
the peices of my hair stuck to my tear-soaked cheeks. "wait- I'm sorry please don't cry" nicholas' voice was filled with regret.
i lazily push him away from me but he doesn't budge. his arms wrap around me bringing me into his familiar embrace. "I'm so sorry for being an asshole. I've been having a long shitty week and i know thats not an excuse so you don't even have to forgive me."
"you're everything to me. i swear i didn't mean it." he adds
the unforgettable cruel words he'd said to me earlier shoved ontop of his sweet loving words made me cry more.
i let him hold my trembling body as sobs tore through my chest, each inhale was ragged and uneven.
my hands clutched the material of his shirt "im so sorry sweetheart i never wanna make you cry" he explains in such a low voice, giving my hair strokes in attempt to calm me.
my face still burried into his neck tears now starting to dry away, and my breathing starting to even out. he carried me over to the couch and placed me in his lap
i was drained from all the crying, the tense feeling in my body beginning to melt away when i really started to feel nicholas' touch. my eyes drooped again this time staying shut for longer.
i was too tired to resist the sleep that had tooken over. and being cradled in his arms didn't help.
"I'll order pizza for the both of us alright?" he took me off of his lap and placed me on our couch. then lays one of our throw blankets ontop of me. "can we talk in the mornin'?" is the last thing i remember asking before dozing off.
a/n: can yall tell idk how to make pizza
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RAHH YOUR BACKKK
perchance, could you do arcane women reacting to reader in the aftermath of a really toxic relationship like how they would comfort them and stuff?
Arcane women comforting you after a toxic relationship. | Sevika, Vi, Jinx x Gn!Reader
You can't just say perchance!/J
But on a serious note, thanks for the interesting request, I had alot of fun writing this!<3
Content: Angst, past toxic relationships, fluff, can be read as either platonic or romantic? Idk, sfw
Reader has no set pronouns.
((Not proofread))
ăSEVIKA
She hated your ex and never bothered to hide it either. Her passive-aggressive remarks and cold glares got the point across every time, but she never tried to talk you out of your relationship. It wasn't entirely her business anyway, and you'd learn eventually on your own. Trying to intervene would only make things worse unless they were hurting you, to which she'd bury them alive for it.
Either way, it came to no surprise to her when you appeared at her door late into a random night, crying and sobbing incoherently at what had happened. You finally found the strength to break it off with your ex, but that didn't stop the heartbreak from lingering in your heart so horribly. Yes, they were terrible to you, and it was for the best you left, but the self-doubt and conflicting emotions in you were driving you to the point of insanity.
Thankfully, Sevika was quick to get you into her humble home wordlessly, slightly unsure of how to comfort you. But she didn't play her long awaited "I told you so" card. Instead, she got you some tissues, a nice cold drink of your choice, and your favorite food before simply sitting down next to you in silence. She figured that listening to your rant would be better than to say anything, and so she did just that, for how long you needed it.
Deep down, she was brewing with anger, though, yet kept it calm for you. She wanted you to feel comfortable here and even goes as far as to let you cuddle up to her at the end of your vent session. In her mind, many different ways of dealing with your ex's existence came to mind, yet they stilled at the softest "thank you" given by you.
Her heart skipped an embarrassed beat as she waved your gratefulness off with a stubborn shake of her head, claiming it was nothing to worry about.
Your ex, on the other hand, definitely had something to worry about, though, once she gets her hands on them.
ăVI
Vi has been itching to fight your ex from day one, yet refrained at your pleas to not hurt them. She always told you that you deserved better. That you deserved someone who actually loved and cared about you, but you couldn't see her way no matter how many times you two talk about it. It's like you couldn't see past the love you had for your ex until the glasses finally did break.
The pink haired woman intervened during a heavy argument between you and your ex, which eventually led you to finally just break it off with them for good. You were so sick of their fighting and finally understood what Vi was seeing from the start... but that didn't stop the guilt and heartbreak from seeping into your heart by the time you made it back to her place.
You felt ashamed for not seeing it sooner, but Vi was quick to wrap you up in warm blankets and reassure you that there was nothing to be embarrassed about. Things like that can happen to anyone, after all. And you learned something from it, so that's a good thing!
She will try and give you a bit of a peptalk that then veers into her, wondering if she should beat your ex up for good measure. Words won't get through to them, but these fists certainly will! Or so she thinks. Thankfully, you eventually fall asleep in her embrace before you can notice her once again reckless scheming.
Vi may let them get away with it for now, but if she ever sees them around, it will be on sight... well, as long as you're not there too. She wants you to feel safe with her and hope's that you do, as she, too, finally falls asleep.
ăJINX
I hope your ex is good at dodging bullets because Jinx will shoot them on sight. She has already contemplated this from the start and never thought anything good of them either in all the time you dated them. She'd prank and annoy the hell out of them in the hope of driving them away, especially after you warned her not to hurt them.
But that didn't mean anything to her anymore, after you two finally broke up. Her efforts weren't for nothing after all, and she would've rejoiced at the news if it weren't for your heartbroken expression that greeted her the moment you stepped into her hideout.
Pushing her chaotic and murderous thoughts aside for the moment, she was quick to cuddle you up in her strong arms and let you rant all about your troubles to her. She'll feed you your favorite food and drink whilst you speak, yet doesn't say much herself. She's a good listener when she wants to be and luckily knows when to be serious. At most, she'll join in at the shit talking phase, glad to finally be free to gossip about them in peace with you at last.
Eventually, she'll try and distract you with some new inventions or stories of hers until you fall asleep, at which she takes that as her green light to go on a little hunt. After covering you in all of the blankets she can find and making sure that your resting place is extra comfortable, she casually loads her gun and exits the hide out with a wide grin.
Finally, some revenge for all the tears you've shed.
#arcane#arcane women#arcane x genderneutral reader#arcane x reader#arcane x y/n#arcane x you#arcane sevika#arcane sevika x reader#sevika#sevika x reader#arcane vi#arcane vi x reader#vi#vi x reader#arcane jinx#arcane jinx x reader#jinx#jinx x reader#arcane headcanon
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The winners garden
This was inspired by my emerald rogue run (the old one), with my pidgeot whom I have named Victory after the run ended (or caught a pidgey in the safari and pretended it was her)
This'll be long because it affected me that much. I didn't expect to win this run- I thought I was a goner after Wallace. I swear this run felt like a movie sequence because my god it felt so climactic (to me)
Victory was a random pidgey I caught at before the first or second gym, and I was originally going to trade her off but I just felt like I lacked flying types. Eventually, I thought she was actually a really valuable member and kept her in. It also helped alot that the pidgeotite appeared the next time I got into the battle stop store, so it felt right keeping her around-
My team had a latios, thunderus, sylveon (who died but I managed to get him back because of the random lab encounter, thank god it was just a species curse), serperior, dracovish and mega pidgeot. Pidgeot with hurricane spam is so good I kept her around even more
It was a really solid team until I accidentally stumbled into a trainer battle while getting an item, and due to an unlucky crit, my latios goes down
At this point, I got mad because "AH, MY BEST TEAM MEMBER". He had a choice specs on and his job was to spam, but unfortunately, his psychic didn't kill the mega kanghaskan we encountered. It was unfortunate, I didn't level up because I thought I could avoid the trainer, but oh well
Caught a random alolan ninetales that did good aurora veil blizzard (after buying an ability patch) and I thought she'd be fine and for awhile, it was
Until I reached the champion. Wallace killed 3 of my team members, down went my serperior, my newly caught alolan ninetales, and my dracovish. And there was also an unskippable trainer when I moved on to the next route which killed my sylveon, leaving me with only my thunderus and my dear pidgeot
Remember the species clause I said earlier? That thing screwed me over when it only had 3 available pokemon (and worse, it was a water route so the surf point also had staryu, maybe I was just impatient and maybe another mon is in the surf point idk). I caught a starmie, a toxapex and a jellicent in that route. With the species clause active, I was handicapped to fight the REAL champion. I only had 5 pokemon instead of 6
The last poke stop. The trader was there, so I took a gamble with him and traded my starmie. And what came out of it felt right- It was a victini. At this point, I was giggling to myself like "I might win" because of victinis dex entry and such, about how it being with you is basically a guaranteed victory.
After I prepared my team to the best that I could and with some small confidence growing, I pressed on.
At this point, I only remember the pidgeot battle so I'm just trying to remember here and I'm probably wrong in some details
Red was the final champion and my victini took the lead. Victini died first, he was scarfed and spammed bolt strike until he MISSED. But it was still good enough, it was now a fair 4v4. Jellicent didn't have much, but he had will o wisp, which helped alot. He wasn't trained as well as the others so he was frailer than he was supposed to be, but he weakened one pokemon enough for thunderbolt range and died. 3v4 now
Thunderus tbolt, he goes down. Thunderus had a z crystal and it one shotted I forgot who immediately after.
It's now a 2v2
Terrakion. Easy enough for toxapex to take down (and spam recover)
2v1
Final pokemon was a giratina. Shadow force. Didnt want to switch out because tox was in good health and I wanted to knock off, but it critted and tox was lower than anticipated. Knock off did alright damage and I was sure it was a clear 2 hit ko if pidgeot lived. One outrage and tox was down
1v1.
My pidgeot, the pidgeot who's been with me since the start, the pidegot that I was going to trade away, the pidgeot that I doubted. From a little helpless pidgey to now facing Satan head on
She megas and hits her first hurricane but it doesn't kill and an outrage hits her and SHE BARELY LIVED. SHE WAS CLINGING FOR HER LIFE. AND THERE I KNEW, I KNEW I WON. ONE LAST HURRICANE AND DOWN GOES GIRATINA, AND MY SOLE SURVIVOR WON ME EVERYTHING!
IT FELT SO PERFECT. THE SPECIES CLAUSE, THE VICTINI, THE TOXAPEX, THE STRESS I BUILT, THE IMPORTANT POKEMON DYING JUST BEFORE RED, THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP TAKING DOWN POKEMON SATAN, IT DIDN'T LOOK LIKE MUCH VISUALLY AND SOME PEOPLE WOULD PROBABLY THINK IT'S CHILDISH, BUT I IMAGINED MY PIDGEOT ABSOLUTELY LOOKING COOL AND GOING HAM ON THAT FINAL BATTLE. THE FINAL BATTLE WAS COOL IN MY HEAD OKAY
After we won, I caught a female pidgey on the safari zone and named her Victory. It's the same pidgeot now pidgey that in my heart. And that's literally why I made this drawing. And also I significantly love pidgeot more now. I would also make an essay about my thought process when making this, but I think this tumblr blog is long enough (it was so corny ngl). Too bad I canât bring her over but the newer game is fun too
I'm sorry this was long guys, I enjoyed talking about this way too much ahshsh
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âLAST POST,THE FINAL ADVICEâ
(Basically answers to asks I got)
Ok first thing first there is no one here to help you manifest,not the bloggers,not me, no one,if reading multiple post on same topic can't help you then why do expect bloggers to help you who are gonna give you same advice,they have been mentioning on their posts. It's not like they are writing about different things,every bloggers are telling you the same thing YOUR 4D/imagination is the true reality,you just have to PERSIST and be CONSISTENT. No like seriously I really feel like you guys are just lazy,why are you depend on bloggers,Im not saying that you can't ask for help and by help i mean understanding certain concept or doubts but you straight up ask to help you manifest or coaching don't do that until and unless they themself mention about being a coach,because see we have a life of our own too,we are God but also human who are busy in their life. Bloggers post this amazing posts talking about law and how beautiful it is. But y'all are so into the victim mindset,as if you are the only one suffering,which is correct YOU are the reason you are seeing the person taking away your sp,you are so into imagining yourself in a broke state and dwell in it,because you feel comfort in it,get a bit uncomfortable dear,you'll endup being comfortable.
You cannot just get comfortable when you are transfered in a new school,new class and the new environment,you first adjust,you go to the school everyday and get used to the new environment then you get comfortable isn't it guys. Manifesting is exactly like this you get in the state of having the desire,it feels uncomfortable,fake,delusional but the more you persist the more you get used to this feeling of knowing. It's not even necessary to be in the state a 24/7,because we are in different state all the time,just when you remember about the desire get in the state or do whatever fulfills you.
No amount of methods won't be useful if you are not even persisting and keep look for 3d validation. To sum up everything all you have to to is persist. Bloggers won't be there for you all the damn time,most of you want to manifest being independent but with a mindset of a dependent person,who are depend on other's for method and doesn't even persist in it then cries,and trauma dump on other's dm.
There is no use of DMing us too you know,we as bloggers are the one end up getting bored or annoyed,because I'm telling y'all legit leave another method and come up with a new one,I have about 50+ dms and asks asking me how to manifest or trauma dumping telling me how they aren't able to manifest,dear of course you won't be able to manifest if you keep looking for validation. I'm not saying that your circumstances aren't that bad,it's probably really hard for you but darling,everyone had faced this challenge,it's hard but learn to ignore the 3D even if it was right on your face. Be stubborn when it comes to manifesting,it took me alot of time as well to adapt that mindset,so I read alot of fanfics where reader gets whatever they want this really got me into the brat mindset,you can also find methods or ways that you help you feel fulfill,I don't care what method you are using JUST DO WHAT FULFILLS YOU NOT ME,I've got alot of asking if they should do or this,you know honey do what you believe is gonna work for you,I'm not the one using that method,i purposely don't even reply because I want you guys to try it out yourselves. That's what every bloggers did too,they learn to trust themselves and their imagination.
OK here, since most of you ask me to help manifest I'm challenging you,for the next two weeks,affirm robotically for your desire,lazy to affirm? You shouldn't be,because majority of you complain about not being able to get in a state and endup saying you'll affirm,then do exactly that.
Wavering? Keep affirming and persist.
Don't believe the affirmations? Keep affirming and persist.
Seeing the opposite? Keep affirming and persist.
Make those affirmation your dominant thought,you will know when it will become your dominant thought when it come up on it's own and you don't get effected by the negative thoughts.
But Chrissy some say affirmation don't work. SO? Keep affirming don't be a weakling just because it didn't work for them doesn't mean it will not work for you,you are not them,you are YOU ,they probably didn't even affirm enough or probably checked their 3D,there are many successful people who affirm Jennifer Lopez,Ice Spice and my fav Taylor Tookes despite being petite she still become a model and even walk on runway and now in cover magazines,if they can do it why can't you,they also affirmed right? Not gonna lie majority of the successful people who are into manifestation are into affirming.
Also log out of X and Tumblr,yes it can be motivating to see success stories or reading motivation but they are of no use,you might see a new post talking about a new method and end up leaving affirming and start following that method. Instead you should've scroll on tiktok,or youtube or making vision board while affirming,it's way easier to then wasting your time here reading posts on same topic written in different ways or perspective. So instead just log out and affirm and PERSIST.
If you are so stubborn about the fact that you can't manifest,then start being stubborn about the fact that you can manifest.
This is now my last post I will be logging out might come to check in sometimes happy manifestingđŞˇ.
#neville goddard#affirmations#law of assumption#manifesting#manifestation#SATS#affirmation#affirming#self concept#loa#law of manifestation
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wasn't me no one in this home of mine voted for anything of the sort and most likely anyone I know didn't either. I forget how many ppl live in the uk sometimes peace and love to the william wanters well and truly
#HONESTLY. not suprised though british mothers in their late 30s-40s i see you grandmas i see u the gay men peeping ur head out the corner#i see the princess fantasy it is not without its flowers i see it all and i meet u with acceptance#hes not ugly tho i'm the type where i don't think anyone really is or i haven't had that sort of reaction to anyone so idk though#also tbh idk how many ppl are actually taking those tests.. unless harry styles was on there because the fans the stans will get their favs#the acalades the little titles if they can with speed could be best juggler best dog shit picker upper best at climbing shit they love it#they love it all. their twitter handles at the top that shit gets cropped in obis paint on their iphone and put on twt like a proud parent#(i get it in that sense though its steering off the william topic matter)#with their kids art. was 1ce real in2 kpop and i got out to my benefit lot of shit long story i'm glad i'm in a better place now#since i got into in in probs objectively my darkest or some of my darkest not that u cant like kpop or talk about it or be in that scape#in a way thats positive or like healthy with me it was just not healthy unfortunately. my relationship is better with it now and i still#interact with content personally and more casually. i-#still have alot of love and appreciation for what ppl meant to me even if its different now i still have so much love for shit. just not so#deeply in the environment yk that round and round#standom as previous.. no doubt at the time i was thirsty for distraction i cudnt handle myself or my life basically my#life feeling like a fuckn tornado that was pissing on me so i probably no matter what were going to find vices but i have no doubt about th#talents and passion and artistry over there. all the racism and colourism n shit that just felt constant had a part#my conduction#what i surrounded me with my landscape because its a lot of inter like personal connections and heavy online bonding n just mess where its#like my fckn life force just i was screaming from the inwards outwards and still deaf to it. for me it was a host it turns out 2 be for man#cant track my gradual change really other than a year or maybe between 2 years we grow still thbink about stuff i hate myself for doing#the change happened gradually and naturally i feel though it all had dramatics its hard to track#there was shit before that when i was even younger and oh hellscape i fear it was bumpy i'm not gonna say it got better with age or smth#cause i dont believe thats true atleast not entirely i hate all of it i some of the connections i made are so key in my growth and i have s#nice wonderful like irrefutable memories i hope ppl r doing well so bad so bad some i even want to talk to again but i know for me i cant#give in 2 that pull and the day if i reconnect i will and hopefully there'll be wonderful ppl to reconnect with in that case to meet me#its all ever changing if i think differently in the future i do i just hope that will be me coming to understand myself and development#being hyper critical of myself tho i talk about me like i jumped through hoops to do detestable shit so its a balancing game and im wonky#its the fans the stans or its the royal family entourage they are vivid in my head or the ppl who came across it and decided to just add-#their 2 sence or saw it and were like hehe this is so unserious im going to be mischevious or take the piss lol#all of which get their acknowledgement its all fun and games truly those who take it serious will and shall however
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Ok, follow up post to the original cause I wanted to actually offer my analysis/interpretation on this.
I feel like this is a right/left brain analogy đ§ľ
Dazai covering his right side, the side supposedly responsible for the emotional & artistic things. It says alot about his mindset, accurate for that time.
Itâs intriguing, then, Kouyou covers the âlogicalâ side
I feel like this lends to why Chuuya & Kouyou do get along well. While both Chuuya & Kouyou are no doubt very intelligent (Asagiri literally refers to Chuuya as a genius) they both still lean very much into their emotional side as well. Even if Kouyou seemingly does so less.
Kouyou reveals herself, however, not only in her care for Chuuya but we mainly see it how she handled the situation with Kyoka.
She could have insisted Kyoka come back without ever changing her mind but when Dazai presents her with a way to save Kyoka from dark, she agrees quickly.
Kouyou clearly cares & wanted to help & protect Kyoka even if she went about it poorly. She was trying to help based on her past experiences, lest we forget that she tried to leave the mafia herself once, for *love* no less. She also tends to get emotional when talking about her past or her wish to help Kyoka.
But once she was presented with another solution, a far better one, she didnât do âwhatâs best for the mafiaâ. Kouyou agreed to what was best for Kyoka & that was definitely a more emotional choice.
This is an area where Chuuya & Kouyou align. So, of course they would get along.
Chuuya always seems to find the balance between his logic and emotion. However, he can easily & often does lean more into his emotional side first, then his logical side.
Itâs similar for Kouyou, even if we donât see it as much from her.
Back to Dazai then, when he left the mafia & the cover on Dazaiâs âemotional sideâ was gone Dazai seemed to also move more towards that balancing of the two sides.
He started off heavily relying on his logical brain & struggled emotionally. Often feeling numb or apathetic mostly, hence his suicidal ideation.
Then he meets Chuuya & this shifts. Chuuya forces him to experience new feelings. As Chuuya is a living breathing example of most things Dazai felt the world lacked. It opened Dazai to the idea that there is more to the world, there is more to *people*. Chuuya intrigues Dazai enough to make him want to live a little longer again. Chuuya gave him a reason to keep going, a promise of more.
From the moment he met Chuuya, it was a process of letting more & more emotions seep into his mind & his heart. We see how he feared for Chuuya in 15 even after they just met, even though Dazai *knew* it was a plan.
I might even venture to go as far as to say Dazai may not have feared for someone elseâs life that hard before. It was a burst of unrecognizable emotions to him. After this, he only had more & more emotion seep in as the years went by. In Storm Bringer he was ready to sacrifice the city to give Chuuya a choice.
That relationship opened Dazai up to others later, namely Oda & Ango. Which only further encouraged the intermingling of his logical brain and his emotions. Then reaching the point at which the bandages were finally removed entirely and then he, like Chuuya, moved to striving to find the balance rather than relying on one side.
Bringing us back to current Dazai as he is still attempting to find that balance.
He still leans more towards his logical side. This, of course, in contrast to Chuuya who, while intelligent, more easily leans into the emotional.
Yet another thing between them that completes & balances each other. Soukoku will always pull the other back when drifting too far.
So, of course, Soukoku complement each other & it benefits them both.
Having Kouyou on Chuuyaâs other side I think also does help Chuuya stay grounded while in the mafia. Chuuya isnât one to lose who he is but I think having someone else who he knows *cares* like he does helps.
Now, additionally, if we apply this to Beast, I think this also says alot about beast Dazai & why Asagiri says beastzai would be the hardest for someone to portray.
Because *this* Dazai, is perhaps *too* far into his emotional side. Heâs always intelligent but in beast, his actions arenât fully logical, theyâre emotional.
He appears cold & calculating as always but he saw another version of himself suffer the great loss of a best friend & allowed his emotional desire to prevent that from happening take control. Thus, his emotional side takes over, thus him covering the opposite side from canon Dazai, heâs covering his âlogicalâ side.
I feel like this is the main difference between all the various Dazai weâve seen.
PM Dazai relied heavily on his logical side, especially before meeting Chuuya. He rarely took emotion into account unless it involved the 3 people he actually cared for. We see him make emotional choices when it involves Chuuya, Oda, and Ango. Dazai did seem to let more and more emotion seep in over time as a result of knowing them, however, leading to that moment the bandages are removed.
Beastzai is leaning far too heavily into his emotional side, getting lost in it even. Acting solely on an emotional desire rather than a logical one. His desire to prevent a tragedy. He only was using his intellect to further that emotional desire.
Canonzai went through a steady progression, meeting Chuuya starts to open him up, this extending over time to Oda & Ango, leading to the cover on his âemotionalâ side being taken off.
But beastzai skipped all of that, all the *progression* to that point for canonzai & so beastzai just got all these intense emotions he never experienced before all at once when he saw canonzaiâs memories & therefore he sunk far too deep, too quickly into his emotions.
Now current/ADA Dazai is the balance of the two extremes, and seemingly the closest to happiness.
ADA Dazai uses his logical brain as always but he also actually takes emotion into account as well and has more people he actually cares for now.
I think that says alot to the theme of bsd, leaning into that âeverything is greyâ dynamic. Everything is about the *balance* of things. Showcasing that anything in extremes in either direction doesnât work.
Anyway, just some thoughts I had and interpretations of mine. Take them as you want, as always.
Oh and just to be clear, I donât think Dazai was ever âemotionlessâ, even at his worse. Even if he was numb and apathetic. He was also lonely.
Just saying the more people he came to care about (Chuuya, Oda, Ango then later the ADA) the more he was able to feel a variety of emotion.
My original post:
#bsd analysis#chuuya nakahara#dazai osamu#ozaki kouyou#bsd#bungou stray dogs#soukoku#skk#bsd kouyou#bsd manga
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Hi! I was wondering if you could a kenji x female reader where we've both not been very intimate in a long time because kenji's career and ultraman has kept him really busy and one night reader confronts him about it and then they argue and then reader gives him silent treatment and he ends up eating her out
"Let me make it up to you"
BF!Kenji Sato X GF!Reader [Oneshot :Angst-Smut-Fluff]
TW:arguement/silent treatment/smut/eating out/oral(f!receiving)/afab reader/female bodied reader/fingering/petnames/shouting/mixed POV/not proofread yet/angst to smut/swearing
Šall rights reserved. the modification, translation, and plagiarism of my work is strictly prohibited.
"God! Why can't you just give me a break Y/n!? I'm so overwhelmed and so busy!" Kenji snapped exasperated. The two of you had been fighting for a few minutes now. You just offered to cuddle for a little bit, just hoping that Kenji could let off some steam since getting really liked cuddles and his life's been so hectic. As the good girlfriend you were, you were just worried and concerned. You couldn't do much and that helpless feeling just didn't sit well for you. The least you could is be there for your boyfriend and offer him some comfort. "I just need space! Lots of it!"
"Kenji I'm just trying to give you comfort-"
"I don't want your comfort! You're so damn clingy! God. Can you just leave me alone?"Kenji sighed in annoyance. My heart pangs feeling a tightening feeling within your chest. It hurt. Raising my hands in surrender, I sighed. Those words stung. Is that really what he thought of me? I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt and excuse it as the overwhelming and frustration he was feeling.
"I'll leave you alone." Was all you said before grabbing a hold of your jacket, purse and phone. With a harsh wipe of your cheeks, you left the house.
Kenji who was sitting on the couch with his back turned to the door sighed and ran a hand through his , already disheveled, raven hair. Kenji felt a heat and heaviness through his chest. He felt really guilty and bad. God what had he done?
"Way to go, Ken. Losing everybody and everything left and right. As always" Kenji exhaled before sliding his long calloused hands down his face.
Few Days Later
Silent treatment. No texts. No calls.
Just you like you promised, you would leave Kenji alone. Even when he did call and text, you wouldn't answer. As you made dinner in your cold, lonely apartment you heard the sound of keys jiggle in the door way. With a raised eyebrow, you grabbed the bat which Kenji gifted you and waited for the perpetrator to come through the hallway. As soon as I saw a shadow I swung with all my might.
"Baby! Wait! Y/n! It's me!" Kenji exclaimed raising his hands in surrender as he luckily dodged the powerful swing. God, he was glad he taught you how to swing but if he wasn't careful, he would've lost his head. With a sigh of relief and groan, you dropped the bat and turned to go back to making dinner with not a word. Kenji exhaled before following you into the kitchen. "H..How have you been, babe? I've called and texted you..alot."
Silence.
Kenji leaned against the counted adjacent to you and gently took a hold of your hand. With a scoff,you pulled your hand away. Kenji's frown deepened. His eyes had deep bags and he truly looked as if he hadn't slept in days. It didn't seem like he had eaten considering the dullness of his slightly sunken cheeks.
"Sweetie. Please? Can we talk? I'm so sorry. I really need to hear your voice. Even if you're gonna curse me out or whatever..just please"Kenji pleaded. Nothing. With a turn of a knob, you turned off the stove. Kenji couldn't stand the silence anymore. God, he couldn't. With a gentle grasp of your forearms , Kenji turned you to look at him. With a blank expression you turned to face him with eyes void of emotions. Even if you were still upset, you did love the bastard and would hear him out.
"Honey. I know I have no excuse for how I treated you, how I spoke to you, the horrible horrible words I said to you. I truly am sorry. I didn't know how good I had it till I didn't hear your voice or saw you anymore. You're everything to me and you just wanted my time and love but I was stupid and took my frustrations out on you. The only person who i truly have right now. Please...Please forgive me. Even if it's not now..I'm just begging to hear your voice" Kenji spoke sincerely. I sighed and crossed my arms. Those goddamn sad eyes. The man looked like a kicked puppy. Sad and lost.
With a gentle flick of his forehead, you mumbled out "Fine..I forgive you. Doesn't mean I'll forget it...atleast not yet. You really hurt my feelings. I was really just trying to help and spend time with you. You're really mean you know that right?"
Kenji felt like he finally take a breath of fresh air as he pulled you into his strong arms and placed a kiss onto your forehead. He felt so relieved to hear your voice. That beautiful voice. The voice that soothed all the storms in his heart. "I know. I'm so sorry. I'll make it up to you. I promise. Just..please don't leave. I love you so much"
"You're kinda stuck with me, idiot. Even if your behavior says otherwise. I love you too" I grumbled out whiles laying my head against his chest. Kenji felt the relieve wash over his body. With a grasp of your soft thighs in his large hands, Kenji picked you up and placed me onto the edge of the counter.
Kenji looked deep into my eyes and pressed his forehead against mine "I'm really sorry. Please forgive me. I'll make it up. I swear it. All the cuddles and kisses. I won't neglect you again, okay?"
The couple shared kisses and cute nuzzles. They still hadn't properly talked it out but this was definetly the start of talking it out and sorting it out. Kenju nestled his head into his girlfriend's neck and breathed in her scent. God, he missed her feel, touch, smell and taste. Now, probably was the most ideal but the man was hungry and he hadn't had a proper meal in a few days. With a teasing nibble to his girlfriend's neck, Kenji slid his hands down and underneath the oversized t-shirt his girlfriend wore.
"You know..I missed you so much. So so much " Kenji whispered mischievously whiles sliding his large fingers up her thighs, sliding his fingers in between her legs whiles caressing her inner thighs. You raised a brow, but didn't protest. You did miss his touch and..talents.
â ď¸SMUT STARTS BELOW HEREâ ď¸
"Mhmm. I missed you too, baby but what are you up to?" I questioned skeptically his hands inched closer to my clothed heat. Kenji pulled me closer and spread my legs wider.
"I'm making it up to you. I have to start somewhere, right? I really wanna show how sorry I am, baby."Kenji breathed lowly, with faux innocence. His methodic and skilled habds, ripped your thin panties off and disregarded them somewhere on the floor. With a yelp, you closed your thighs feeling the cool air against your core.
"B-Babe! H-Hey! Thats the 20th pair you've ripped up! C'mon!" I whined whiles shakily holding my thighs together. I was shaking from anticipation and slight frustration.
"Oh I'm sorry,baby. Guess I don't know my own strength. Guess you'll need something to warm you up. I know the perfect thing" Your boyfriend rasped, 'apologetically' as he forced open those soft thighs, plush legs of yours and held them open. His beautiful mauve eyes had darkened, completely dilating as his eyes laid on your glistening lips. "Aww, how cute. You missed me that much? You're so wet already"
With a denying scoff, you looked away with a sheepish flush on your cheeks. "S-Shut up. Put that tongue and mouth to good use"
"Okay. Okay. I'm getting to it. Let's get something straight though.. I'm in charge" Kenji whispered firmly into your ear before nibbling onto your earlobe. My breath hitched and my blood ran hot. God, he was so hot. Your boyfriend gently but firmly pushed you onto your back on the kitchen counter before holding your legs open by the knees. "Mhmm you smell so good. I missed you, my love. So much"
Kenji uttered as he took a deep inhale of the scent of your arousal. With a small whimper, you could only nod. He's already got you tongue tied. My breath hitched.
"W-Will you be gentle?" I breathed whiles leaning into the kisses that he peppered my neck. It had been a while since we made love. His hands teased at my entrance.
Kenji smirks against your skin, his breath hot against your ear. "Gentle? I don't make promises like that, darling. But I'll make sure you feel every inch of my cock as I fill you up." His fingers tease your entrance, circling the sensitive bud before pushing inside.
"T-Thought you always keep promises?" I gasped feeling his long fingers stretching my velvelty walls open. He gives a low chuckle, his fingers curling inside of you.
"I do try to keep my promises. But I also like to keep things interesting. Plus I'm making up to you, babe" His thumb begins to circle your clit as he continues to thrust his fingers in and out of you, stretching you wide.
"I-Im not gonna be able to walk tomorrow, huh?" I mewled whiles spreading my legs. I gasped as I felt his long, warm tongue at my entrance. Kenji smirks up at you, his tongue sliding up to your clit, teasing it with every flick.
"Oh, I hope not. I want you to feel me inside of you for days." His fingers continue to fuck you hard and fast, driving you closer and closer to the edge. That's it. All Kenji wanted and needed. To make you feel good, to be with you, to hear you.
"D-Dear christ..K-Kenji that's vulgar" I moaned as my walls convulsed around his fingers. I flushed feeling the tip of his tongue slide through my pussy lips.
Kenji chuckled, his fingers thrusting deep inside you as he begins to fuck you harder. "I never claimed I was gonna be a gentleman today, my love. I like it dirty and rough. You know that? I wanna make you feel so good and make up for the time we missed"
His tongue laps at your entrance, licking up your juices as he brings you closer and closer to the edge.
"C-Clearly" I moaned. My moans rose in volume and pitch as my hands tugged at his hair "H-How dirty can that m-mouth get?" He smirks against you, his tongue flicking against your clit. God, Kenji was enjoying this. He missed his your taste and scent.
"I'll show you just how dirty this mouth can get. Im gonna make a mess of you"Kenji promises as he begins to suck on your clit, his fingers thrusting hard and fast inside of you.
"God...mhm!" I moaned as my body began to wirthe and squirm beneath him. It felt so good. God I could feel his long fingers stretching me out and brushing against my sensitive walls."G-God I m-missed you!"
His voice is husky and rough as he continues to suck and lick at your clit, his fingers pistoning in and out at a punishing pace. "I know, baby. I missed you more. Let me hear that voice of yours" Kenji demands as he smirks up at you, his hand still working you hard. That beautiful voice of yours. Those days without hearing you, without feeling you, without tasting you were PURE torture. "Oh, I'm just getting started."
"K-Kenji..i-im uh..close" I purred as my eyes rolled to the back of my head. I was so close. So close to that euphoric finish line. His fingers curl up, hitting that sweet spot inside of you.He chuckles against you, his tongue continuing to swirl around your clit. I moaned.
Eventually I ended up screaming as I climaxed. I was in heaven seeing literal stars. I cursed making a mess all over his fingers as I screamed"O-Oh God! F-Fuxk! K-Kenji!"
Kenji's fingers continue to move inside of you, slowing down now that you've climaxed, though he doesn't remove them just yet. "Good girl. Now for round 2" His voice is husky with desire, his tongue coming out to lick at your juices still dripping from you. I squirmed beneath him as I felt my body calming down from the high. I was so sensitive.
"I love you so much. Now let me make it up to you"
#ken sato#kenji sato#kenji sato x reader#ken sato x reader#ultraman 2024#emi ultraman#ultraman rising#ultraman#kenji sato masterlist#ultraman masterlist#kenji sato x you#kenji sato x chubby reader#kenji sato smut#ken sato smut#kenji sato x plus size reader
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ââââ â LETTERS â đ
After years of sending anonymous letters, Riki finally decided to be bold enough and end the letter with his actual name.
áŕ§â×âÖ´ Fluff, not so slow burn, lil bit rushed at the ending. 1K WC,đ
đđđđđđđ
With shaky hands Riki placed the nice designed envelope into your locker. Slamming the metal material when he heard footsteps getting closer.
Heâs sprinted away almost immediately practically crawling on the floor to get over to where his friends stood. Which was just a few centimeters from the Locker.
âSoâŚ.who are you proms going to be?â You conversed with you friends about the upcoming prom in three days.
Riki watched wishing that he could one day be bold enough to strike up a conversation with you. Even if it was about the most random things.
One could say that Riki wasnât a very shy person but when it comes to y/n he can deny that statement with his whole heart.
âOh Iâm already going with Cha sunghoon you know the one in class Bâ her friend Danielle responds with a beaming smile.
âOoo I didnât know you could pullâ you teased turning to open your locker.
The moment you pulled the handle, a pink letter slipped out. The way the person wrapped it made it look so appealing to the eyes, you felt a sudden urge to unwrap the letter.
âHow about youâ hey whatâs that ?â Minji asked staring at the paper lying on the floor.
Bending down to pick up the letter, you sighed. âItâs another letterâ
âWhat do you mean ANOTHER so youâve had a few?!â Hanni asked her face written with nothing but amazement.
âNot a few, yeah alot. But the thing is, Iâm tired of these letters. Itâs just the person I have in mind isâŚ..â you paused taking a look around almost making eye contact with Riki until he diverted his gaze from your direction.
âIs who?â Danielle asked with anticipation.
Bending down to pick up the letter, you analyzed it before unwrapping it. âDear y/n I know weâve never actually talked. But if youâve noticed the handwriting. Yes itâs me, secret admirer ;). Iâm going to reveal my name at the end of the letter but all I want to ask you is if youâd go to the prom with me. Itâs okay if youâll say no. I completely understand since you probably donât even know me but I would highly appreciate one chance. Your secret admirer, Nishimura Rikiâ Hanni and minji read out loud earning a side eye from you.
âBro who even is Nishimura Riki? Iâve never heard of themâ
âI donât know either y/n but what I do know for sure is that this person is in this schoolâ Hanni shrugged.
âThatâs a very useful informationâ you sarcastically responded rolling your eyes after.
âY/nnnn~ you didnât complete your previous statementâ Danielle sang in your ears.
âWhat previous statement?â
Minji scoffed, crossing her arms over her chest. âThe one about you having someone in mindâ
âOhhhhh that!â You recollected. âYeah what about it?â
âYou dummy! Whoâs the person you have in mind???â Danielle yelled in your ears causing you to push her away.
âI DONâT KNOW HIS NAME!! Ugh youâre gonna burst my eardrum. Heâs just this one dude that sits at the back of my class. He just has this intimidating aura thatâs pulling me even closer ughâ you bit your lower lips seductively.
âEwâ
âShut up! Itâs not my fault no one has asked you yetâ
â
The bell rang indicating the end of the day.
You held onto a piece of paper rushing out of the class before the teacher even declared the assignment.
âHey! So sorry to bother you. But do you know anyone named Nishimura Riki?â You asked stopping a fellow student.
âNishimura Riki?â They repeated followed by a well detail description.
âThanks!â You smiled now on a haunt to find the said boy.
âRiki?â You whispered softly in the empty corridors. Almost everyone were gone by this time. You doubt youâd even find the ârikiâ.
âAh YNâŚâ Riki answered turning to face you. His eyes darted everywhere but your eyes. His chest was feeling a sudden burst of emotions. While his cheeks were a light shade of pink.
âSo youâre the Riki?â You spoke softly realizing it was the intimidating boy who sat at the back of your classroom.
âY-yesâ he answered trying to hold back a mere smile. He felt the sudden urge to look at her face. But his shy demeanor around her would never make him have the courage to.
âCould you look at meâŚâ he choked on air. No way he was going to meets eyes with you. âPlease?â You pleaded quietly. An imagination of you pouting crept into his mind making it harder to resist.
With a sigh he slowly turned his head to face you. âYay!!â You beamed happily.
âSooooo youâre actually secret admirer?â You asked just for confirmation.
Riki nodded shyly feeling a bit embarrassed. âI acceptâ you blurted out unexpectedly.
He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. âAccept what?â
âYou asked to go to the prom with me right? Yeah I acceptâ you said slowly.
âREALLY?!â He yelled excitedly. Calming down after realizing how eager he sounded. âI mean. Thatâs really cool. It makes me so happy right nowâ he squealed.
You giggled at his reaction. âBy the way, Iâm heading home now. Wanna come with me?â You requested tilting your head to the side.
âwhy not? Iâm also planning on going home anywaysâ
With clear hesitation, Riki stretched out his hand for you to take. Hoping youâll get the hint.
You stared at his hand in confusion. âOhhhâ you joined hands with him after realization came in.
Your hands felt so soft and warm.
He often glanced back at you as the both of you walked through the empty dark streets. It was only the street lights and your smile that lighten up the environment.
the moment he would never forget when you bid goodbye to him in front of your house,placing a soft kiss on his lips. His body felt numb the moment your soft lips made contact with his.
The smell of your intoxicating perfume lingered in his Brian.
âSee you tomorrow, boyfriend! Or wait! Weâre together right?â You paused waiting for his response.
Riki didnât even think twice, nodding his head to your question.
âThatâs awesome!â You smiled widely running into your house, closing the door behind you.
Who knew you had eyes on him this whole time.
#enhypen#enhypen fluff#enhypen imagines#enhypen x reader#enhypen riki#nishimura riki#riki x reader#Riki fluff#enhypen niki#niki x reader#niki fluff#enhypen x you
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I don't usually like to taint internet with my pony artwork (it's something relaxing I like to do privately since I was 13, drawing ponies to vent out and get my head from stress), but screw it, I'm genuienly proud of this one-
Saw lives rent free in my head, but I still struggle alot with drawing humans. I'm... getting slowly better, but it's not on the level "I have idea in my head, let's sit down, pour 2 hours into it and bam, you got an artwork", so I have to settle on drawing ponies instead which I feel much more confortable with.
Billy Mare (Or, Puzzle Piece), was a design I made for Youtooz pony plush contest. While I doubt she's gonna win, I really fell in love with the design and it kinda gave me solution to my problem with finding middle ground between drawing Saw and MLP.
#non fallout post#saw#sawposting#saw franchise#billy the puppet#mlp#my little pony#pony#pony oc#puzzle piece
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