#and I doubt my parents know it
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the fear of being absolutely incomprehensible is a big one
#i think it comes from seeing how the people in my family (myself included) have responded and reacted to the other schizophrenic ppl in my#family. which is alot in my immediate family#when I see these symptoms in myself yes there’s this fear of what’s gonna happen to my brain but my biggest worry is how I will be othered#yes all the people who hurt me in my family are schizophrenic yes they would’ve done it anyway. vaguing my dad because he doesn’t understand#I already see things hear things have fixed delusions#etc but theees so much pressure on me to. not have the rest of those symptoms#and I doubt my parents know it#hell I put the majority of that stress on myself. idk im black and if I start talking ‘’nonsense’’ in public somebody might have the right y#to kill me#if I can’t understand myself how can someone else understand me#if I can’t understand the world around me how can I keep myself safe#im so fucking frustrated
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wearing this around my house like "no one here knows I'm gay"
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"Minthara is so abusive to the player" *INCORRECT BUZZER NOISE*
Minthara would literally go to fucking hell for the opportunity to personally beat the absolute shit out of the person who actually did abuse you. She will throw hands with gods and devils just to avenge you.
And you will not be able to convince her not to.
#bg3#baldur's gate#minthara#minthara baenre#evil murder kitten#when i'm having a bad day - i just remind myself that minthara would definitely have some things to say about my parents#i would literally have to hold her back from knocking their lights out#well... id hold her back from one of them. she can have free reign of the other#all you gotta do is whisper a name - and babygurl is gonna go fix it#within 48 - 72 hours - your abuser will go missing under mysterious circumstances#and you do not even need to tell her to do this#she will do everything she can to ensure you can sleep at night knowing your abuser is gone#and can never touch you again#and if you still have doubts - just remember that she made an oath (a divine vow) *to you*#in which she will never harm you nor allow harm to come to you#and to quite literally seek vengeance against all those who have harmed you#ya'll can miss me with your minthara hatecanons and your poorly misunderstood readings of her and the comments taken outta context
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something something thinking your mum's love is dependent on your good behaviour
#what if. what if we all killed ourselves.#boy do i have thoughts abt this!#not pictured is lisa (and carla) reassuring her at every turn that they love her that they don't blame her that they know she's a good kid#and somehow she still questions that after every misatke and every misdeed#oh to be a grieving teenage girl who acts out for attention she wouldn't get otherwise#but then feels sooo guilty abt it that she doubts the love of the only parent she has left#betsy rlly said what's one thing abt handling grief i can learn from my mum and then didn't wait for an answer#swarla#lisa swain#betsy swain#*
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thjat one post about going thru your entire life trying to avoid being yelled at❗❗❗❗
#talkys#i cant drive alone yet or hide an entire surgery from my parents which means if i want to look into#getting sterilized i have to discuss it with them and im scared bc i rly dont know what theyll say or do. lol.#theres also the fact that ive wanted this since i was a child but i knowww theyre going to make me feel like i shldnt do it#and ill start doubting it...not bc i dont want it but because welllll shouldnt I be saving moneyy...its not URGENT.....etc#im already talking myself out of it like ive been trained to. i dont want to be yelled at.#i dont need it i just want it. and not bad enough to be yelled at#i dont want anything bad enough to be yelled at.
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"Vander and Silvo grew up like brothers! Them being together is weird!"
Ok, listen. You're valid, but listen. In the original universe we get, I completely agree. Vander nearly killing Silco and them fighting for dominance of Zaun is brother vs brother, power vs power activity. I don't think that universe went any further. There was no room for it to go beyond that betrayal and bitter feelings.
Within the Timebomb universe however I think they became something more after reconciling.
The letter was found, they talked it out, probably fought (which, head cannon, probably left Vander with a new scar somewhere we didn't see) but after that I think they saw each other in a new light. They were now on completely even footing, fighting for the exact same vision of Zaun in the exact same way, through peace vs violence because now they've seen what violence brings and they don't want that to happen ever again.
They don't want to lose each other again.
They only really had each other, Powder and Vi to take care of after losing their parents, which is what probably got them thinking about being together as a couple of they hadn't been thinking about it already.
I just can't read their reactions/looks in that universe in any other way. It's just too tender? I just look at them looking at each other and see, "unwavering devotion."
Two kings rule over Zaun in that universe and they're very happily married, despite everything that's happened. Because how could they not be after everything that's happened?
#i just know from past relationships that if i was in vander or silcos shoes i wouldnt want to let go of my partner#like id still be close to them if someone else came along romantically or something#like they still were when powder and vi's parents were around#but if it was JUST US which it looked like it was in the timebomb universe#and we were taking care of a child or two together while trying to rebuild our world?#I'd have them as my romantic partner no doubt#i would just never want anything to come between us again#theres the whole killing eachother thing to take into account of course but you know#when living in a world so dangerous as the one in arcane at that moment thats not much more than just a fight#a really REALLY bad fight but one they clearly got over somehow so you knoooooow -shrugs-#anyway#arcane#arcane vander#arcane silco#arcane season 2#arcane spoilers#zaundads#arcane zaun#listen all i can think about is them doing something very domestic and just falling into eachother in the most natural way possible#its all fun and games until someone kisses back with a little too much enthusiasm then suddenly BAM pregnant#lol jk#...unless?
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It was his brother's idea.
#jc is not mad hes just embarrassed#also he can be ace or aro or both for me#but visually hes literally a walking ace flag#mdzs#mo dao zu shi#the grandmaster of demonic cultivation#grandmaster of demonic cultivation#jiang cheng#jiang wanyin#wei wuxian#wei ying#mdzs fanart#aroace jc is so important to me you dont even know#i think its interesting when a character that has a responsibility to have a child and cant do so without forcing himself#like yes hes already shouldering a lot of responsibilities left by his parents#but also because of his parents i doubt he would want to be in an arranged marrige#so hes always looking for 'a perfect match' he could have a fullfiling and real relationship with#only for it not being possible for him in a first place#...sorry for so many tags i had thoughts#my stuff
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It's missing my father hours rn so imma just dump a bunch of pictures here and cry
( sorry i don't know the source of anything I just had them on my phone)
(also dont read the tags i just need to let it out lol)
#I just realized I can call him dad easier than my real dad and now I understand why am I so damn attached to him#I always knew he was a parental figure for me#but now I connected the dots#How when u have an absent dad and a d34d mom a guy shows up in ur life#that tells u life advice that both of ur parents failed to do so#and makes u feel safe the first time in ur life#ofc ud become attached#i know for sure its unhealthy how much i love and miss him#he occupies most of my thoughts honestly#But how could i not cling to him so much when he was the only one who gave me hope in life#i try to keep going and even tho he is not here i keep telling myself whatever he taught me. i keep reminding myself he wants us to live an#bloom and be free#and that's what ill try to do#but you know somedays i wish i could just disappear and be wrapped in eternal happiness#its so fucking hard to pull yourself out of the slump man im so fucking tired im so so tired#somedays i wish id have the courage to off myself but i know that deep down i want to live and ive always wanted to live but i have no idea#how to live. i feel like i finally found a purpose and someone i love. but at the same time im always doubting myself and im scared of losi#g this little hope again and i know i should cherish and use it instead but each day i have this anxiety because rn i have nothing else if#lose this i seriously will lose everything atp. but ill still try bc rn its this or death so i should try im just damn tired yes anyways#sorry for being depressing some days just dont work out but thats okay#yes at the same time i want to get out of my head and try to find some friends but i cant deny that im highkey fucked up and i just cant le#go of my past and i still feel like that helpless unloved kid and idk how to form relationships this way. i dont trust myself at all so idk#how to trust others. and i feel like in order to find ppl that would love me i have to overshare abt my whole lifestory bc it still dictate#my life heavily. and since i met this band its better cuz im learning to deal w it and i want to heal from everything but yes at the same t#me who would wqnt to be friends w. someone that has like a year of life experience and 18 years of depression lol#so yes its complicated. bc i have friends but im like the funny friend. the one that is as shallow as puddle and has no problems but honest#y im genuinely sufferint qnd have been sufferinz all my life so i want to come out of my funny friend role. but that wojld mean i have to t#ll the shit i went through to all my friends but tbh it would be so random so ye. i do have a plan though. how it could work. But yes im ti#ed have been tired for 7 years now. But this time around i hope i can successfully get out of this torture cycle lol.#ok sorry this is what happens after puberty guys i could beva research case for a damn mental institute atp xdd
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OCtober day 18 - swap 🩸👼 (their original forms look like this!)
i went with "role in the story" for this one. i've thought abt this AU a bit before, but i think a lot of things would change if gwyar was sacrificed instead of claret…
The Cooler Claret spawned from a face monster and so i thought it would b cute to have gwyar mutate from a crimera! (<- objectively uncute thing to say). the monsters r somewhat significant bc they represent unfulfilled desires from when they were still ppl, like claret becoming strong enough to protect her home/family and gwyar's desire to be free (hence y she can fly now).
even though claret emerges as an adult in canon, i chose to keep gwyar as a child in the swapped version bc it felt more fitting. clarets new role in the story is similar to gwyars in that she aims to purge the crimson, but where gwyar becomes quite apathetic, claret takes on a much crueler personality... 😔
#2024#bweirdoctober2024#bweirdoctober#oc-tober#day 18#art#fan characters#my art#my ocs#terraria#terraria oc#claret#(<- she/her in this au)#gwyar#(<- she/they/it in this au)#no matter what universe they're in they're doomed ig...#i think this one has potential to b a little lighter than the original tho#i don't think gwyar has the same desire to expand the crimsons territory as claret did#bc she's always looked to claret for protection and so they have entirely different priorities#gwyar is mostly a lil sassy thing that flies about kdmfj#tho if i thought more deeply about it i could conjure up smth awful i'm sure#so strange seeing claret without red hair#failing her responsiblity to protect her younger sister would rlly mess her up.....#their parents fate is left ambiguous in the original but i think claret might have had a hand in things this time.#trying to imagine how claret would react to gwyar.#gwyar doesn't recognise claret at first but i have no doubt claret would just Know.#and whilst gwyar doesn't remember claret again here she would b so attached to her#sorry for yapping so much i just (crushing them). like them a lot.#shoutout to ecuwe who got me thinking more abt this one lol 🫶#otherwise i would've just done a hairstyle swap sksk
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Bro I hate fundamentalists and culturally-fundie parents they'll say shit like "spare the rod spoil the child am I right haha yea my parents used to have to beat my ass with a switch almost everyday but I sure did learn my lesson" but like??? no you didn't??? you were hit multiple times for something you very obviously did not, in fact, learn
Like studies about how harmful even lightly spanking children is aside, you're literally contradicting yourself?? Some even admitted they got worse as they got older cause they wanted to see how far they could push their parents before they got punished
And studies not aside, you're gonna get child raising advice from the same book that tells you to stone your wife if her hymen doesn't break on your wedding night instead of the decades of research we have now?? Just say you're a bad parent and move on my guy. Skill issue
#bro I had a coworker go 'unpopular opinion I think some kids really do need beatings' and I'm like????#unprompted???? what's going on there????#well anyways I ended up going 'yea so I plan on specializing in play therapy with autistic children so I've been learning about talking#to children and the ways their parents and environment affects them'#and they're like hmmm but beating this kid with a stick after they broke something or I upset them to the point of yelling is good actually#had a boss say it taught him and his kids respect cause they were hard-headed#and I'm like?? that's fear not respect! they fear punishment! they do not act out of respect for you!#he's a conservative christian black man tho so he's like 'But Authority!' like bro I don't even respect you what are you on about#'You don't respect police and their authority?' Nope! I fear them! I do not respect cops and every cop/cop-adjacent person I personally know#has reinforced that for me#'We'll agree to disagree' Cool! Doesn't mean you're not wrong! I could believe trees aren't real but that is in fact incorrect#then he pulled out the bible verse and I was like ah okay I forgot you like 'here's how to treat slaves' book you're so right bestie#I'm totally wrong now and so sorry for doubting you and your 2000+ year old book I don't believe in <3#They'd go 'well I turned out fine!' then say something that directly contradicts that#anyways I need christians to get their grubby little hands off the current state of Child Protection and Rights in the U.S.#So we can actually start working on helping kids without the force of christian hands suffocating them#cause homeschooling and child raising by evangelicals are so fucked up bro I'm tired of this shit#I'd only stay in my current state to help children get out of that cycle since I'm in the bible belt#ex christian#religious trauma#child abuse tw
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You know I always wondered why Emily the butcher ending always felt so off to keep corvo entrapped in stone.
To keep Emily entrapped made sense, because its corvo protecting Emily to the extreme. A princess locked up in a tower situation. And then it hit me.
I always saw corvo as the hero. Doing everything he can to keep Emily safe. But from Emily's perspective, what if it wasn't that? What if it was years and years of isolating her, deciding who she sees, what she does, dictating every moment and aspect of life to keep her out harms way. Emily robbed of freedom and independence, robbed out of thinking for herself. And it made her snap? Keeping Corvo entrapped in stone wasn't to keep HIM safe, but it was punishment. Retribution. A child reflecting back the results of helicopter parenting. The princess escaping her tower going after the one who put her there, and not the thing the tower was protecting her from.
#emily kaldwin#corvo attano#dishonored 2#no but for the longest time i genuinely couldnt understand why emily would genuinely leave corvo entrapped even if she was all evil#since the game gives you the special action “your father is safe” and its like ????#but if you see it as a punishment / a sick joke of “you did this to me. now you know what its like :)” it makes it so much more compelling#though i doubt they hardly want to canonically say corvo is like. a bad father#i will state even the best parents are gonna fuck up#the only thing about good parents is their actions afterwards to make up the situation#but parents will not do whats best all the time#my dh rambles#also oops i forgot shes called emily the butcher not the black like corvo
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if everyone i know keeps insisting I'm autistic I'm gonna snap and transautistic myself. just you fucking wait.
#/silly#(several people are convinced I'm autistic)#(AND LIKE I DID MY RESEARCH I DON'T THINK I AM)#(like i have some traits bc adhd and being raised in a certain environment* BUT I DON'T THINK I PASS THE CLINICAL THRESHOLD)#(however now i am doubting myself pwp)#* very neurodivergent family + less socialising as a child due to 2nd generation immigrant shit like not knowing english for a while#and parents not having friends with kids in the area to socialise me with + idk just being a weirdo#transautistic#transid#transx#pro transid#radqueer#rq 🌈🍓#rqc🌈🍓#radqueer 🌈🍓#🌈🍓
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"NUNCA APRENDES, PLATITA."
#[TRANSLATION: You never learn‚ Silver]#platita. yep. that's his nickname. it's very cute :')#it means ''silver'' but in a very ''tiny piece of silver'' kind of way. exist as a word the way words ending with ''ito'' or ''ita'' do#EXAMPLES: [carro(car) & carrito(small car)]|[oso(bear) & osito(small bear)]|[perro (dog) & perrito (small dog)]#colored doodles#sonic#YOUR WORLD OF YESTERDAY#silver the hedgehog#silver's father#sigh. this was going to be part of the answer for the ask asking ''what is your world of yesterday about''... alas. it's here instead :/#''Pops''... I ACTUALLY don't know what he would look like if im being honest. im imagining someone very tall and warm🤔#ORIGINALLY the knight owl was going to be his adopted parent but decided against it cause it would've ruined this whole thing she's got#with the time crow. so i'm now back in the drawing board. i do know i want his biological mother to be an arctic fox. so there's that :}#[also: gotta add that the owl still watches over him. she works for Pops. she's more like an auntie who has a very mean girlfriend haha]#anyways expect a kind father who become increasingly jaded and as silver grows up he recontextualizes his childhood and the reason#his father even took him in. ''none and i mean none of what you tell me will ever come to pacify my doubts and fears again.'' OOF.
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I keep turning this concept in my head but I can't manage to write it satisfactorily so here I am, setting it out in the wild:
Tim Drake being alerted that Batman INC is something that is in the planning stages of it happening (maybe by Lucius, maybe by Tam, who even knows, look he was CEO for a while and someone is worried about Bruce Wayne about to go public with Batman INC and they get in touch with him) and going to Bruce and refusing to let him do this.
Because Bruce is needed in Gotham and Batman is needed in Gotham, and while Dick is doing a great job and no one will convince Tim of the contrary, that's not Dick's job. It's Bruce's.
(Who also has a son who just got his father back and if anyone knows what it would mean for a son who lost their father to get that father back when you know it's not going to happen... well lets say Tim has Opinions about this [and while he might not get along with Damian all that well yet, they are in that neutral state where Damian is like a cat observing things and studying dynamics and Tim has always been able to work with people he doesn't like or even trust much, so he's not going to punish the kid over whatever's went down between them.])
And besides, let's be real here Bruce, if you want a Batman that can go around the world and pull together teams and make them cohesive and knows what it's needed to be a successful team of young / upcoming young heroes, that's way more Dick than you yourself. Would be preferrable if he was allowed to do it as Nightwing, but the point still stands.
Just ... Tim pow-wowing with Bruce over the whole sitch and convicing him to back down. Not abandon the project, Tim knows that will not happen no matter what Tim does, but trusting it to Dick, who is way better with both younger people and people skills in general than Bruce.
(Which actually is not meant to separate Damian from Dick, Dick can come in from one assignment to the next and check on Damian and this is not the time it was when Tim was growing up, they have communications all over the globe now, Dick can phonecall and videocall Damian as many times as he wants and check on him as often as he wishes, but if Batman INC is happening, and it will happen because Bruce has decided it will, then Tim can only do damage control over this)
And possibly Bruce leveraging Tim staying in Gotham (which, joke's on Bruce, Tim was going to do that anyway, but sure he'll "concede") and possibly "asking" (ordering, let's be real here) Tim to help train Damian (which Tim isn't enthusiastic about but fine, he'll make it work as long as Bruce has his back), for multiple reasons.
A bit because Bruce sort of feels guilty that Tim was kicked out of the Robin role (Bruce HAD promised it would be Tim's until Tim decided otherwise, [which I don't think Dick knew about and even if he had, the situation still had been what it was, to be fair to Dick]) but also Bruce doesn't quite know what to do with Damian (and it wouldn't be the first time he's trusted Tim to teach young heroes / guide someone in a vigilante role) and also he both wants Tim to be there with him (he's missed him) and needs him there with himself (Tim the emotional regulation parentified wonder!).
And then shenanigans from there.
#dc comics#my plotbunny#plotbunnies released in the wild#mostly what I keep chewing on is Tim coming in and being like We Need To Talk Bruce#notice that I made no mention of Damian and anything school related#because I doubt TIM would think of it#he'd just assume that Bruce would think about it subconsciously and not worry about it himself because it's a parental duty#and Tim is not Damian's parent PLUS Tim dropped out of school himself and doesn't want to think of school if he can avoid it#let's be real here#tim drake#bruce wayne#I do not think Damian would know or realize that Tim is the one behind the suggestion that Dick take lead on Batman INC#because I do not think Bruce would present it as Tim's idea but rather just as “I have decided to do it this way so it will be done”#and Tim would have no need to let it be known that it came from him so he would just be checking his grapples / working on a case in the bg#and happily let Bruce with the fallout of delivering the news and handling the reactions to them#this would also allow Dick time to R&R / open a window for the Titans to come see him -> realize the state Dick's in -> start hounding him#enter Donna#enter the other Titans#and then Damian gets to know his father and possibly go to school and learn things and see how things actually are when Bruce is there#and Tim gets to touch bases back in Gotham and re-establish himself and we can reintroduce Tim's civilian cast#and Tim establishing an identity for himself that is still Partner To Batman without necessarily being Robin#I wish I could write this out as a fic but my brain is NOT cooperating#for fuck's sake brain
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So my roommate is also into One Piece. I’m not sure if he’s watched any of the anime, I know for sure he’s watched the live action, but earlier tonight he came upstairs and watched a few episodes with me while waiting for a food delivery, and then he got hooked, and then he sat and watched MORE episodes with me without really knowing what was going on. But it was still wildly entertaining to him, esp since I’m right in the middle of one of the (arguably) best arcs rn, and now he wants to finish the arc with me LOL. NOBODY is immune to One Piece propaganda. Or Bon-chan 🥰
#Shima speaks#IT WAS JUST REALLY FUNNY#Like he’s been spoiled to a lot of stuff and has general knowledge of some things#So he knows (as well as I) about what’s going to happen to Ace#But yeah I’m in the middle of Impel Down and it’s absolute fucking CHAOS rn. Insane.#He was like. How much more are you going to watch tonight.#And I was like well I usually go until right before bedtime when I’m binging it#So he was like let me grab my blanky :) LOL#We started chanting PRISON RIOT!! PRISON RIOT!! PRISON RIOT!!!!!#Idk it’s just nice. I usually don’t get this kind of reaction to stuff I watch#My parents don’t like anime and my sister. Well she likes it but only specific series#So I couldn’t rope her into OP even if I tried lol#So having someone be like ooooh what are you watching it looks good I want to join!#IT FEELS NICE. OKAY. I don’t get that ever!!!#I don’t have the kind of family who would be willing to watch anime with me#And tbh I get jealous when my friends tell me they watch anime with their parents#I doubt my parents would watch anime if I were on my deathbed and asked them to. LMAO#Not faulting then it’s not their cup of tea which is fine. It just makes me sad#*them#Bc that’s just. Such a HUGE part of my life and who I am. And they don’t know anything about that side of me#Or about the things I’m into#Sorry didn’t mean to get emo in my tags. Anyway.#I was gonna watch more OP during my lunch break tomorrow BUT since my roommate also wants to watch more. I will wait :)#Never have to do that usually! Huh!! How fun!!!#One Piece
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"it's the same in other countries" no the fuck it is not. "yeah in my entirely different field it's exactly the same" no the fuck it is not. literally any anecdote i tell about my (limited!) teaching experience gets me a starbucks drive thru meme response. it is NOT the same. you do not fucking get it.
#even my grandma who I love and respect was like well the problem is that they aren't making reading fun#you have to read a boring book and write a report on it. it sucks#and i was like okay but that's not it anymore. students get choices in books and choices in assignments.#and yet no matter what you do the teacher is still likely to fail at teaching a kid to love reading because reading is less fun than tiktok#and no one else in their life is saying hey man you need to 1) know how to read and 2) learn how to do things even when you don't like them#i had so many kids say well xyz isn't interesting to me. and I'd say okay let's find you something you're interested in#but they couldn't come up with anything either. if they did it didn't stick#I don't mean this as a kids these days. i mean this as a society these days is not encouraging appropriate behavior#it's encouraging the worst in people#and it's not a teacher's job to fix that#(not that you can fix people but ykwim)#i don't want to be an alarmist but i do think things are getting worse and people are behaving worse#and will continue to do so until it becomes cool/rewarding to be a decent fucking person#ugh. sorry. sorry.#big rant. but i saw someone say dog grooming runs people down just as badly as teaching does#I don't doubt that dog grooming is a difficult job sometimes but like. it's not the same as working 60-80 hour weeks with a masters to be#treated like shit. idiot shit in fact. by anyone and everyone because you cannot do ANYTHING.#you can't do anything about it. you are the punching bag of kids and parents and admin and the school board and every asshat online#and you could be perfect and yet years later there will be some asshat online saying you ruined their life#and everyone will say oh yeah I had a teacher that ruined my life too school is so fucked up they didn't teach me anything#ok. sure.#and you just have to sit there and take that#UGH#i was trying to wrap up the rant and it got worse#anyway. please. PLEASE. be kind to teachers. yes teachers specifically.#teachers have a singular job and no comparison really holds up to what teaching in a us public school is actually like
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