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yelena-bellova · 1 year ago

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Heartfirst: A Ted Lasso Story - Chapter Seven

Chapter Seven: Movin’ On Up

Plot: Y/n receives some surprise visitors on moving day, and Richmond suffers a shocking blow to their lineup.

Word Count: 5.9k

Warnings: f!reader, language, (16+)

A/N: I really don’t know how I’m managing to crank these out so fast. Maybe shorter chapters? Anyway, this one was fun. We’re getting into the meat of the story, so hold onto your butts, and enjoy!!

(Forgive any typos, I wrote the bulk of this one at midnight 🌙)

——————

If there was a magical force at play in Richmond, it had made Y/n its latest target.

Not only had she found the perfect apartment, she’d toured it, signed the lease and booked movers in the same week. In all her post-university years, she’d never seen real estate move quicker.

Y/n wandered the flat, directing the men and whatever piece of furniture they were holding to its corresponding room.

A knock sounded from the stairs.

“Oh, the dresser can go to-“ Y/n spun around to help guide the mover she’d just seen downstairs, only to find the last person she expected.

“Hey, there, neighbor,” Ted greeted, standing at the top of the steps.

Y/n quickly plastered on her Monday-Friday grin, “Ted. What are you…how did you…?”

“Well, you said you were movin’ into your new place this weekend,” Ted hopped a step inside the apartment to let one of the movers pass by, “Took a guess that the van that came through this morning was probably yours.”

Y/n tried to laugh off the intrusion. The safety of living thirty minutes away was long gone…

“Brought you a little ‘welcome to the neighborhood’ gift,” Ted held up a little pink box and set it on Y/n’s kitchen counter. It was the same one that he dropped on Rebecca’s desk each morning.

“Thank you,” Y/n replied while pointing one of the movers in the direction of her bedroom.

Ted stuck his hands in his pockets and took a look around the living room. He let out a whistle, “I wish you’d’ve told us you were movin’ in sooner. Coaches and the boys coulda saved you some money, get you settled ourselves.”

That was exactly why she hadn’t told anyone she was moving until the day before. She knew Ted would have assembled the Greyhounds and she would have had 15+ footballers funneling in and out of her apartment, invading the little bubble she had left.

“Oh, I wasn’t gonna inconvenience you guys,” Y/n replied, watching Ted as he maneuvered around the boxes, “Especially with the match tomorrow.”

Ted made a raspberry, “Pish posh, Oshkosh. Woulda been happy to help. Hey,” Ted swirled a finger toward the ceiling, “This place got A/C?”

Y/n nodded.

“Whew,” Ted exhaled, “I gotta tell you, biggest surprise comin’ over here.”

“You get used to it,” Y/n replied, a deep double meaning to her words.

“What about you? What was the biggest shock for you, movin’ here?”

Y/n thought back to when she was eighteen, fresh out of high school and starting a brand new life in another country. Even if it had only been a few years, it felt like a decade ago.

“I don’t know,” she sighed, “Probably the difference in English. Chips versus fries, that sort of thing.”

“Man, I still slip up,” Ted said, “Took me months to get the football lingo down.”

“I still call the pitch a field sometimes,” Y/n admitted, settling on one of her barstools.

“Well, now I don’t feel so bad,” Ted chuckled as he came to sit across from Y/n, “Hey, what’s the thing you miss most from home? Just a little thing, y’know?”

Y/n sighed, thinking about the region-specific foods she couldn’t find in the international section of the market or the channels missing from her television. Truth be told, there wasn’t anything she missed so much it could be considered missing.

“I don’t know,” she shrugged, “It’s been so long since I’ve been home.”

“When was the last time you went back?” Ted asked.

“Uh…” Y/n traced back the list of holidays, “My sister’s birthday…two years ago?”

Ted whistled once more, “That’s a long time. Bet your folks miss you.”

On cue, Y/n’s muscles tensed. Her smile returned to conceal her discomfort. “My sister visits,” she said, “Every year.”

“Aw, that’s nice,” Ted cooed, “For me, it’s gotta be good barbecue. I mean, don’t get me wrong, they do food dang well over here, but I miss a good southern BBQ, y’know?”

“I actually do,” Y/n admitted with a small laugh, “4th of July’s always weird.”

Ted smacked a hand against the counter. “Thank you,�� he said loudly, “Last year, we had a game. Felt like Beard and I were betrayin’ our ancestors or somethin’.”

Y/n chuckled, Ted struck her as someone who went all out for Independence Day.

“Hey, truth time,” Ted continued, the humor draining from his face, “Yea or nay on tea?”

Y/n shrugged, “I like it.”

“Dang it,” Ted bobbed his head, “Beard, you…us ex-pats keep droppin’ like flies.”

“It takes some adjusting, I’ll admit that,” Y/n raised a finger, “Not exactly a frappachino.”

“Mm-mm,” Ted shook his head, “I have tried and tried with that tree piss. Warmth ain’t goin’ anywhere north on that one.”

Y/n snorted a little, imagining what that might look like, Ted sipping on earl grey.

One of the movers asked Y/n where she wanted a bookcase and she gave him directions. For once, Ted sensed the moment.

“Well, I’ll get outta your hair,” he held up his hands and hopped off the barstool, “But I’m just down the street so you ever need anything, don’t be a stranger.”

“Good to know,” Y/n watched Ted walk away, “Ted?”

He stopped at the top of the stairs, “Hmm?”

While Ted was still a lot, after all her years spent as the foreigner, it was almost…nice to talk to someone from home. Someone she didn’t need to explain her references to or rearrange her vocabulary for.

“Thank you,” Y/n said, quickly concealing the truth of her gratitude, “For the biscuits.”

“Anytime,” Ted saluted before heading on his way.

Y/n let out a loud sigh once she was sure he was gone. She wandered back over to the counter and opened the pink box, finding the signature biscuits Rebecca raved about. Out of curiosity, she broke off a bite and ate it.

“Shit,” she mumbled, they were better than anything she’d ever found in any of London’s cafés.

Despite his line-crossing, Ted was good-natured. He had a heart of gold and tried to make sure everyone he encountered felt like they had one too. Y/n could call it tolerance or simply learning to deal with him, but deep down, Ted’s efforts were starting to poke and prod a little harder at her walls.

—————————

That evening, after the movers had finished and Y/n had gotten the basics unpacked, she started on the non-essentials. She was stacking dishes when the doorbell rang.

Y/n was perturbed as she descended her stairs, there were exactly three people who had her new address, the absolute minimum. Lisa, who handled payroll at the club, Ted, who’d stumbled upon her apartment by sheer luck, and her sister.

Looking through the peephole, Y/n sighed. She’d forgotten there was a fourth on the list.

Jamie smiled smugly as Y/n opened the door, “You went with mine.”

Y/n rolled her eyes, “I didn’t ‘go with yours.’ I was the one who found it, you just deemed it worthy.”

“And I was right,” Jamie stuck his neck out and lifted off his heels.

She’d never give him the satisfaction of knowing, but Jamie was completely right. The night of the West Ham match, the two of them had stayed at the Crown and Anchor till Mae kicked them out, pouring over each apartment until they’d eliminated 75% of the stack. The one Y/n had settled on was also the one that Jamie had decided was the best.

Jamie held up a plastic takeaway bag, “Come bearin’ sustenance.”

Not only was Y/n tired, she didn’t want to entertain anybody else from work. But, starving as she was, she was in no position to turn down free food.

“Entry permitted,” she snatched the bag from him, “Barely.”

Jamie took an exaggerated step over the seal and passed Y/n. They’d gotten to know each other better over the last few weeks, Jamie stopping Y/n anytime he saw her to ask about the apartment tours she was taking on the weekends. They’d gotten many laughs out of the stories of Y/n going against Jamie’s advice and visiting the properties that did indeed turn out to be crap.

In another world, they’d almost consider each other friends.

Upstairs, Jamie swung his arms as he took in the living room, “Not bad.”

“‘Not bad?’” Y/n turned around from where she stood in the adjoining kitchen, “You pick this place out and then it’s just ‘not bad?’”

Jamie cackled, spinning on his heel and pointing a finger at Y/n. “That’s an admission.”

Y/n internally cringed, her sharp edge was dulled by exhaustion. She could usually keep up with Jamie. “If you want any of this,” she unpacked the styrofoam container of kebabs, “You’ll stay on my good side.”

“Can’t have any,” Jamie replied, coming to lean on the bar, “Diet, ‘member?”

Y/n shook her head, popping a stray piece of chicken into her mouth. “I still don’t get why you’re doing this.”

“You know why,” Jamie crossed his arms on the counter, “Gotta get back to being the best.”

“Yeah, but is being better than Zava worth missing out on things like food and sleep?” Y/n asked. She could appreciate Jamie’s drive, but this dedication seemed overboard.

“It’ll be worth it,” Jamie stated.

Y/n decided to play the asshole, sliding across the kitchen to wave the kebab box under Jamie’s nose. She watched his willpower waver ever so fleetingly.

Jamie glared up at her, “You’re evil.”

Y/n snickered as she went back to her spot, stealing a bite before going back to unpacking. “Why are you here? Shouldn’t you be with Roy?”

“Night before a match, I’m off,” Jamie swung around the bar to the kitchen.

“So shouldn’t you be resting?” Y/n asked as she un-bubble wrapped a stack of plates.

“I will,” Jamie shrugged, bending over to peel the tape off a box.

Y/n glanced over, watching as Jamie began to unpack various glasses. He didn’t offer, he didn’t ask, just went about it as if it were his business. It was slightly intrusive…and also kind.

Jamie Tartt, Y/n had come to learn, was nothing and everything like what she’d thought he’d be. He had more depth than he let onto and he’d shown a side of it by trying to help her find a place. And though she knew the Zava battle was a personal thing for him, she also knew how much Jamie cared about his team. He wanted to be at his best for them just as much as he did for himself.

Unlike Keeley, who announced her efforts to get Y/n to crack at every turn, or Ted, who went overboard, Jamie hadn’t tried to enter into Y/n’s life. He had simply occurred.

“Do you get nervous?” Y/n asked out of pure curiosity, “Before games?”

“Not really. I mean,” Jamie answered, lining up coffee mugs in a cupboard, “Sometimes. Depends.”

Y/n stretched on her toes to put away china she never used, “On?”

“I dunno,” Jamie replied, a particular trigger or two popping up, “Lots of things.”

“So what about tomorrow?” Y/n continued.

Any slip Jamie’s mind had made was caught with quick footing. “Nah,” he said confidently, “Nah, we got that.”

“Well, good,” Y/n exhaled, setting the empty box on the floor, “It’d be nice to get a win. And hey, if it doesn’t work out and you’re forced to retire after this season, I’m sure the reality tv world is still thriving with opportunities.”

Jamie managed to grimace while smiling, “How the fuck did you find out about that?”

“You thought the PR department wouldn’t know about that?” Y/n strode past him to get another box, “I also live in England.”

“You at least vote for me?” Jamie asked, a playful lilt to his tone.

Y/n hoisted another box of kitchenware into her arms and balanced it on her knee. “Yep, you caught me,” she sarcastically grunted, “I have a weakness for crap tv featuring mediocre footballers.”

Jamie set down the mug in his hand with a particular harshness. Mediocre footballer. “Now, hang on-“ he began.

“Less talking, more working,” Y/n cut him off, she stopped to check out the cupboard he was finishing. “That’s also not where they go.”

“What?”

“The mugs,” Y/n gestured to where her coffee maker was, “Disrupts the flow if they’re all the way over there.”

Jamie rolled his eyes, only playful annoyance accompanying. “God forbid we disturb the flow,” he lamented, grabbing a mug in each hand and heading to the correct cabinet.

They unpacked in comfortable silence a minute more before Y/n decided it didn’t matter if Jamie wasn’t nervous about the match. They needed all the encouragement they could get.

“It’ll happen tomorrow,” she said, referring to their recent losses.

Regardless of whether he was hiding any feelings or if they’d pop out the moment he stepped on the pitch, Jamie stopped what he was doing to absorb the kind words. Y/n was a recent addition to his life, certainly an unexpected one, but she felt…safe. Like even if they didn’t know anything about each other past their mutual taste in real estate, he didn’t have to act so much around her.

“Thanks,” he replied, making effort to meet her eyes.

Y/n gave a small smile, “It will.”

—————————

It didn’t.

Over the next month, Richmond’s lack of luck turned to a 7-game losing streak. Some weeks were better than others, but they all ended the same way: with the Greyhounds leaving the pitch with their heads hanging in defeat.

Luckily, Y/n was kept occupied on the eighth week. Jack Danvers was coming into the office for a meeting and Keeley had asked Y/n to be there as well.

“You’re all business-y,” she’d said, “You know way more than I do, plus, Jack really likes you.”

Y/n sat on one side of Jack, with Barbara on the other, as she and Keeley recounted the conversation and clash of opinions they’d had recently.

“I completely understand where Barbara’s coming from,” Keeley said, keeping a kind tone as she turned to her CFO, “But as I was explaining to you, I’m worried that by adding more clients that could mean less attention paid to the wonderful people we already represent.”

“And then,” Barbara chuckled, though she lacked any humor, “I reminded Keeley, as you’ve said so many times, Jack, that if it does get to the point where we feel we’re spreading ourselves thinly, then we’ll hire more people,” she grinned politely at Keeley, “It’s called ‘growth.’”

Y/n and Keeley glanced over at one another fleetingly, the tension was so poorly concealed, it was getting uncomfortable.

“I’m sure you can see that as well, Y/n,” Barbara gestured towards Y/n.

“Actually, Keeley’s absolutely right, in my opinion,” Y/n answered, spotting her boss a smile, “There’s big firms, there’s small firms. Both have their allure, but I think our personability is the biggest thing we have going for us.”

“Oh,” Barbara’s grin grew scarier, “Wonderful, wonderful…”

Jack looked sweetly towards Barbara, “Okay. Let me weight in here.

“Oh, please,” Barbara obliged.

“I agree with Keeley,” Jack finished.

“Oh, that’s great,” Barbara beamed.

“Being a small boutique firm is exactly what sets you apart, like Y/n said,” Jack went on, “You want a restaurant to look successful, you take out half the tables and you have a line out the door. I say, let’s go for it.”

Keeley and Jack shared a smile.

“No, that’s wonderful. Yeah,” Barbara forced out as she rose, “And instead of salaries, we can give away the tables we threw out.”

“Don’t worry, Barbara,” Jack called, “It’ll be great.”

Barbara mumbled some dishonest agreement as she left the room, leaving it open on her way out.

Jack turned to Keeley and Y/n, “Do you ever think sunshine gets jealous of her?”

The women shared a laugh just before a knock at the door revealed Shandy. “Knock, knock.”

“Hi, babe,” Keeley greeted her friend.

“Now that your little cool girls meeting’s done,” Shandy leaned on the empty chair, very visibly unhappy, “Just wanted to share the exciting news that I’ve started an app.”

“Oh,” Keeley replied.

“It’s like Bantr, but it’s better and cooler,” Shandy’s tone was even and icy, “And actually cares about helping people have sex with celebrities.”

Y/n kept her head down, sharing an awkward glance with Jack. This was strictly Keeley’s business to handle.

“What? Shandy-“ Keeley began.

“It’s called ‘Star Fuckr,’” she announced before looking to Jack, “And yeah, we are looking for investors.”

When Jack didn’t offer to write a multi-zero check right then and there, Shandy stood tall, shot daggers at Keeley and strutted her way out of the room.

“I take it she’s still angry about the whole Bantr thing?” Jack asked.

“Oh, yes,” Keeley nodded, “Shandy does not have a good relationship with rejection, or her ex, or with her workplace, or most nouns, really.”

“‘You are so passionate, but I have to let you go,” Jack said, pulling Y/n and Keeley’s attention, “‘I’m sorry, but I know someone as brilliant as you will land on their feet.”

Keeley struggled momentarily, “What did I do?”

“No, no, no, no,” Jack reached out across the desk, “Keeley, sorry. That’s what you say when you fire Shandy.”

Y/n and Keeley both exhaled forcefully, laughing after.

“Sorry,” Jack apologized.

“No, no, it’s fine,” Y/n’s hand was pressed to her chest, “I just saw my lease flash before my eyes.”

“It’s called a compliment sandwich,” Jack explained, “You give someone bad news, but to soften the blow, you slap it between two delicious slices of compliments.”

Keeley nodded, “But I can’t fire Shandy. She’ll hate me. And she really thinks she’s killing it.”

“I am sure she does,” Jack exhaled, “The worst people often think they’re the best. My dad calls it ‘talent dysmorphia.’”

Keeley laughed while Y/n stayed silent, knowing what was coming next.

“What do you think?” Keeley turned to her hardest worker, “Do you think it’s the right decision?”

Y/n looked down at her notebook, taking a deep breath to see if it would help the force of what she wanted to say dissipate. Jack was waiting on her too, and she couldn’t lie to her or Keeley.

“I think…” she started slow before shutting her eyes and letting it fly, “Keeley, if you don’t fire her, she will literally run the company into the ground and strut over its mangled corpse.”

When she opened her eyes, Jack and Keeley were leant back an inch or two as if to avoid the splash of her opinion. Before she could try and explain it more eloquently, the two women started laughing.

“No, no,” Jack chuckled, “Don’t hold back.”

Y/n exhaled with a small smile, turning to Keeley, “I’m sorry.”

“No,” Keeley reached a hand over and poked the back of Y/n’s, “That’s why you’re my best. You don’t hold back.”

It was ironic, they both knew, considering how withdrawn Y/n kept herself. But with Keeley, it seemed to be a bit of a joke between the two of them.

“You two wanna get some lunch?” Jack asked when the giggles had died down, “My meeting just got pushed.”

“Abso-fucking-lutely,” Keeley smiled, “Yeah, my stomach started grumbling when you said ‘compliment sandwich.’”

“You guys enjoy,” Y/n rose with them and collected her purse, “I’ve gotta get back to the office.”

“Oh,” Keeley reached back over her desk and handed Y/n a sheet of paper, “Give this to Zava. A couple more people called requesting interviews.”

Y/n glanced over the list she’d originally made, it seemed like the Zava craze still hadn’t died down. In fact, the more Richmond lost, the more people wanted to hear what he had to say. “Are we sure it’s a good idea to do so many interviews on a seven-game streak?”

“That’s the thing,” Keeley grabbed her coat, “The press eat up whatever Zava says. Can’t get enough.”

Quirking an eyebrow in understanding, Y/n tucked the list in her book and tried to imagine the ridiculous headlines that would be tied to Richmond this week.

—————————

Returning to the office after having taken lunch by herself, Y/n rapped two knuckles on the open locker room door. She still knew to wait for the all-clear.

“Everybody decent?”

A chorus of various ‘yeses’ were her key in.

“Zava,” Y/n turned to the star player, “Here’s your interview schedule. The press is really eager this weekend in particular. Let me know if there’s any changes you want to make.”

Zava pressed a hand to his heart and touched Y/n’s arm with the other. “Thank you,” he said softly, before looking to his teammates, “Men.”

Taking hold of both her shoulders, Zava guided Y/n to stand in front of him. “Okay,” Y/n stuttered as she was stood in front of the entire team. Seated in the middle of the room with Isaac, Jamie matched her confused gaze.

“This is what your hearts should be seeking,” Zava began to wax his odd form of poetry, “Brains, talent, warmth-“

Y/n’s brow creased, what the fuck had she walked into?

“Outer beauty will fade,” he continued, “But a smudge like this,” Zava smiled down on Y/n, “It will last forever.”

Zava patted her shoulders once more before throwing his towel over his shoulder and exiting the room. Not only was Y/n left with every Greyhound staring at her, contemplating Zava’s words, but with his schedule still clutched in her hand.

“Can someone make sure he gets this?” Y/n asked, failing to keep her tone even.

“Oh,” Dani raised his hand and climbed over Jamie’s leg to get to Y/n, “I will.”

Y/n willingly handed it off, “Thank you, Dani.” Not caring to spend another second in the room, she turned on her heel and left. She backtracked her steps quickly, “Is a smudge a good or a bad thing?”

Colin scrunched his face up, “It’s not…not…a good thing.”

Pressing a hand to her temple, Y/n decided she didn’t need to know any more about whatever conversation she’d interrupted and left the locker room.

—————————

The Man City match came about like every other one, but the air of anticipation heightened with each week. Would this be the day Richmond finally broke their streak? Or would they take another step towards double digits?

Not more than a second after Y/n had parked in the car lot, her phone rang with a call from Higgins.

“Hi,” she answered, “What’s going on?”

“Are you here yet?” Higgins asked, his tone nervous.

Y/n shut the door to her car, striding towards the back entrance to the stadium. “I just pulled in.”

“Could you pop into the coach’s office?”

“Yeah,” Y/n hung on the syllable suspiciously, turning in the other direction and swinging the door to the office building open. “Be right there.”

Y/n took long steps down the hall, passing by the locker room and heading straight for Ted’s office.

“Hey,” she said as she entered. Coach Beard, Roy and Higgins were standing around the desk clump, huddled together in conversation. Ted was already on the pitch. “What’s wrong?”

Beard kept his hand pressed to his mouth, Roy scowled at the air.

“It seems that Zava hasn’t showed up yet,” Higgins answered, “No one knows where he is.”

Y/n’s lips parted in confusion, “He’s just…not here?”

“Apparently so.”

Setting aside her annoyance, Y/n snapped into work mode and pulled her phone from her coat pocket. “Alright,” she scanned her contacts, “Let me get on the phone with some people. See if I can track him down.”

“He’d better fucking be here,” Roy growled at no one in particular.

Y/n raised her phone to her ear and pointed to Roy and Trent’s office, the former nodding for her to take it. She started at the top of the list of Zava’s personal team he’d given to her, Keeley and Higgins. Why a fecalist needed to be considered an emergency contact, Y/n would never understand, but she’d try whoever she had to…

Except the fecalist hadn’t heard from him.

Or his agent.

Or anyone Y/n dialed.

Defeatedly, and beginning to grow anxious, Y/n rejoined Beard, Roy and Higgins. “No one knows where the fuck he is,” she answered.

“Fuck,” Roy muttered.

“We got three minutes,” Beard shrugged, “What the fuck do we do?”

“Start Colin,” Roy resolved before looking to Y/n, “If you track that prick down, I don’t care, you fucking get on the pitch and tell us.”

Y/n gave a definitive nod, “You got it.”

With not so much a plan as a temporary fix, Roy and Beard left for the locker room while Y/n and Higgins headed for the hall.

“I told everyone to call me if they hear from him,” Y/n reported as they walked.

“What could be so important to make him miss a match?” Higgins pondered as they made their way to the stadium.

“I don’t know, but so long as his wife and kids are breathing and in possession of all their limbs,” Y/n practically growled, the cheering of packed house of Greyhounds growing louder with each step, “I’ll drag him onto the field myself.”

—————————

Rebecca took to the news…as expected.

“Who the fuck does he think he is?”

Y/n sat on one side of her boss, raising two fingers of the hand rubbing at her temple, in agreement.

“So just, no one’s heard from him?” Rebecca asked.

“No one,” Higgins grimaced.

“Well,” Rebecca let her palms fall against her legs, “There goes any chance of a win.”

“Let’s pray otherwise,” Y/n scanned her phone for the fifth time since she’d sat down. It was then that she realized there was a very vocal presence missing. “Where’s Keeley?”

Snapping out of her most likely violent thoughts, Rebecca unlocked her phone and held it up to Y/n. She found a text thread from Keeley including a message that said she’d be missing the game. Below it was a picture of a baby lamb standing on the table of the KJPR conference room, surrounded by its own feces.

Three months ago, Y/n might have had a question or twelve. Now, she simply nodded and sat back in her seat. “So Shandy’s gone,” she mumbled to herself.

The game went as well as the last ones had. Colin, though talented, couldn’t rival Zava’s skill. Jamie’s extra training wasn’t the solution either, and Man City walked away with a 4-0 win against the Greyhounds.

Rebecca retired to her office while Higgins and Y/n headed to touch base with the coaches. Trent met them along the way.

“No one heard from him?” Trent asked Y/n on their way.

“Not a single text or call during the game,” Y/n scrolled her phone as they walked, an Instagram notification popping up, “Shit.”

Higgins looked over, “What?”

Y/n stopped midway to their destination, hitting play on the video.

“Hello, how are you?” Zava spoke, dressed in casual wear, “I’m just - I have to share something with you, my friends. You are not my followers. You are my believers.”

Trent and Higgins came to stand beside Y/n, expectantly waiting for an answer.

“And so it— I have to tell you,” the man paused, “Zava has played his last match. I will now dedicate all of my time and all of my energy to my family and my avocado farm.”

The rest of whatever utter nonsense Zava had to spew, Y/n didn’t listen. She was infuriated, partially because of his actions, and partially because they’d all allowed themselves to think it was ever a good idea to hire him. He’d fed the Greyhounds to the wolves with no regret and it affected all of AFC Richmond.

When the video ended, Trent, Y/n and Higgins shared a hopeless look.

“We’ve got to tell the boys,” Higgins finally spoke, shrugging slightly.

The three of them made their way down the rest of the hall where the locker room door hung open. The scene inside was dismal, each of the men sat on the benches with their heads hung.

“Hey, guys,” Higgins greeted in an attempt to stay positive, “Good effort today.”

“Mr. Higgins,” Colin spoke up from his seat, “Is it true about Zava?”

Y/n cast her gaze downwards, avoiding eye contact with any of them.

“I’m afraid so,” Higgins replied.

Dani, cradling a towel to his face, began to weep into the fabric.

“Maybe some tissues for Dani,” Higgins muttered quietly.

“Hey, hey, guys,” Sam stood with his phone in hand, “Zava just posted a video.”

“Oh gosh,” Y/n grumbled under her breath as the Greyhounds circled up. Everyone except Jamie, who remained sat on the floor.

The boys watched the video, clinging to every last word at the start, and walking away with mumbled curses and shakes of the head. Any love or respect they had for their former teammate had been lost within thirty virtual seconds.

Y/n snuck a glance over at Jamie, expecting to see him struggle to keep his joy under wraps. She couldn’t have been more wrong. Even he was in shock.

“Gentlemen,” Ted said as he entered, quickly noticing Y/n’s presence, “And lady. That was a tough one tonight. Okay? Man City has still got our number. That’s all right. We gonna get another crack at ‘em later in the season. Uh-huh,” Ted looked to Beard, “Coach? No practice tomorrow.”

Beard nodded, “That’s right.”

“Okay,” Ted looked back to the team, “Well, I’ll see y’all on Monday.”

While the rest of the team began to talk amongst themselves, Sam looked up confusedly at Ted. “Hey, hey. Hey, Coach,” he called till the manager stopped in his tracks, “What about Zava?”

Ted glanced over at Zava’s multiple lockers, his empty chair.

“He quit the team,” Sam stated, as if it unheard news.

“I mean, technically he retired from the whole sport,” Ted clarified, “Which makes it feel a little less personal, yeah? You know, like if your girlfriend runs off with some dude and it turns out they were soulmates.”

The Greyhounds replied quietly in agreement.

“But look, look, look, look,” Ted redirected their focus back, “I hear you, okay? Zava is gone. And you know what? I think it’s a good thing.”

The boys began to argue back in shock.

“Well, I do. Okay, look,” Ted spoke over his players, “Do I wanna win? Heck yeah. But I also wanna do it with folks that wanna be here. It’s not like we could handcuff him to his locker and make him love us.”

“We could have tried,” a desperate Dani replied.

As the initial surprised faded, Y/n was beginning to match Ted’s opinion. Zava may have taken them for a temporary ride to the top, but this ultimate insult had shown that his heart was next in Richmond.

“Hey, guys. Guys, look,” Ted held up a hand, “We got a good thing going here. All right?” Ted’s eyes fell to his left, meeting Jamie’s, “We didn’t need Zava. Yeah?”

No one dared disturb the silence as the truth washed over each of them, including those who weren’t players.

“Yeah,” Ted said quietly, “All we need to win are the fellas in this room, right now,” he pointed to the men on the benches, “And all you fellas need to do is believe it.”

No sooner than when Ted had uttered the last two words did the bright yellow ‘Believe’ sign hanging over his head split itself down the middle. The Greyhounds jumped to their feet and cried out to various degrees. Even Y/n gasped a little, having learned of its significance.

“It’s a sign,” Bumbercatch called out.

“That’s it,” Colin held up his hands, accepting fate, “We’re doomed.”

As the locker room grew louder, Ted held up his hands and attempted to settle things down.

“Now hold on. Hey, knock it off, okay? We’re not doomed. No one is doomed. But Bumbercatch, yes, you’re right. It is a sign. I agree, Yeah.”

Ted turned around and removed both halves of his handiwork, folding them together. “In fact this, it’s just a sign.”

Without any hesitation, Ted tore the paper into four pieces, sending the locker room into chaos again.

“All right, guys, listen to me,” Ted commanded the room, “Belief doesn’t just happen ‘cause you hang something up on a wall. All right? It comes from in here,” he touched his chest, “You know? And up here,” he touched his temple before hitting his stomach, “Down here. Only problem is, we all got so much junk floating through us, a lot of times, we end up getting in our own way.”

Y/n had yet to be present for any of Ted’s locker room speeches, as she had no reason to be. But immediately, like some spiritual presence moving through the room, she felt his words take hold of her.

“You know, crap like envy or fear, shame,” Ted continued, seemingly speaking to himself as well, “I don’t wanna mess around with that shit anymore. You know what I mean? Do you?”

He wasn’t speaking to her, but the question still penetrated Y/n all the same. She could feel a familiar ball of anxiety beginning to build in her stomach.

“No, me neither,” Ted shook his head after the boys answered back, “Hell no. Well, you know what I wanna mess around with? The belief that I matter, you know? Regardless of what I do or don’t achieve.”

One blade inserted itself into Y/n’s gut, the omnipresent pain causing her heart rate to speed up.

“Or the belief that we all deserve to be loved,” Ted went on, “Whether we’ve been hurt or maybe we’ve hurt somebody else.”

A second blade settled in Y/n’s chest, this one causing the muscles to contract. She closed her eyes in an attempt to keep the rising emotions at bay.

“Or what about the belief of hope?” Ted asked, “Yeah? That’s what I wanna mess with. Believing that things can get better. That I can get better. That we will get better.”

Better, Y/n thought on the word. Better. Did things ever get better? Or did ‘bad’ just shapeshift into something else? Did it just wait along the road in the shadows, waiting for ‘better’ to come merrily on its way?

“Oh, man,” Ted sighed, “To believe in yourself. To believe in one another. Man, that’s fundamental to being alive. And look. Yo, hey. If you can do that,” he pointed to each player in the room, “If each of your can truly do that-“

Ted made one more rip down the sign’s tatters, walking to the center of the room. “Can’t nobody rip that apart.”

As the remains of the sign slapped against the metal bench, Y/n’s anxiety reached its brim. She placed a near shaking hand on Higgins’ shoulder to signal she was leaving before slipping out the back door. Blearily, she made it down the hall and outside, the fresh air of the parking lot slamming into her.

Once in the safety of her car, she allowed herself to weep.

Zava was the furthest thing from her mind. The incoming headlines, another loss on the scoreboard…all of it. She couldn’t have cared less if she’d tried. All she could feel was the crippling ache in her chest, the sting of her tears, the overwhelming feeling that came with being utterly alone. When a person became aware of just how much bigger the world around them was and how infinitely small they really were. The pain that could be remedied with a simple hug or a comforting word.

Y/n let out a silent sob, the familiar ache of all she wanted having taken a new form, once again. It would certainly kill her to allow herself her basic needs, to walk back in and hurt with the people inside. And it would break her all the same to continue hiding.

————

Heartfirst Taglist: @lalla-04p @optimisticsandwichgladiator @makingmunson94 @taytaylala12 @storysimp @sokkigarden @lightninginab0ttle @poohkie90 @alipap3 @verra-nerevarine @shineforever19 @spaceagechimera @burnafter-reading @qardasngan @cyberpvnk-enthusiast @sogoodtoheritsvicious @buckybarnex @angelsunflxwer @blueanfield @thewildestwonderland @sablecities

#ted lasso imagine #ted lasso fanfiction #ted lasso fanfic #ted lasso fic #jamie tartt x reader #jamie tartt imagine #ted lasso x reader #keeley jones x reader #rebecca welton x reader #heartfirst

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sleepynegress · 7 months ago

Text

On Challengers...

Okay.

So, here's the thing. It's decent.

It's sassy, catfighty, but with dudes using rackets and tongue-wrestling, and the tennis scenes are tense, but... it wasn't at all confidently scandalous like I would've expected.

....Like I feel like they didn't push it far enough, somehow? And not even in the way you might think, with dicks a-swingin and thrusts abundant. Remember, the movie Closer? -I think that came out in 2007ish and was rated PG-13??? Or could have been if not for the language.

Natalie Portman has a similar nudity clause to her contract and *STILL* had the absolute sexiest scene with Clive Owen.... .....Which I'll put in this post to demonstrate what I mean. This felt like it held back at moments... When it came to pushing desire, between the men and/or with Zendaya, with one or the other. It just felt so tame to me given the hype. I was hoping for a return to artistic sensuality in film again, instead of this weird sort of by-rote-feeling purity culture we're having rn. (I'm watching Love Lies Bleeding tonight and I BET that delivers. Lesbians, salude!) I was hoping for Cruel Intentions' lush cut with The Dreamers' sensuality..if that makes sense?? AND some good-good tennis. THAT did deliver. WOW, some of the shots for that were eye-popping. A critic I follow noted that her issue (she always has the best takes I don't agree with all of them but they are always well-articulated) was that Zendaya was not fleshed out as a central figure, especially as a BLACK WOMAN. It was yet again another case of a Black woman dropped down from the moon coming from no people of her own, but just somehow existing in a sea of white people with not a hint of Black friends or loved ones.

Hell, they could've even laid out *her people* like the brilliantly underrated Beyond The Lights with Minnie Driver playing the stage manager mom to Gugu Mbatha Raw's biracial pop star. But that comes down to the white male gaze fucking it up, yet again. I looked up the screenwriter and just kind of nodded knowingly with an 'oh, yeah that's what I expected, that explains it...' He simply didn't have the range beyond a sort of vague tennis fetish for brown girls in short skirts grunting and swinging and wanting to do something with that. He admitted that Naomi and another Black woman player's interaction on the court *inspired* this...

Perception of Black women doing ANYTHING can be so heavy with a weirdly asexual gaze from white women and hyper-sexualized by white men. And if desire/centering tips in the "wrong" direction deemed by prejudice and our assumed place....*yeesh* we catch hell. You're either bafflingly too ugly to be treated with desire (whew the incel bigots are big mad that it's Zendaya and not a Sweeney-type) or only deemed good enough for it, because of that white gaze. And resented regardless.

*sigh* Can't win for losing. But I digress. Zendaya's co-stars are the oddest looking mystical-dwarf-head ass forest creature white boys with big ears, but they GAVE in the acting department. Mike Faist is a STAR. He has a sort of laidback sweetly confident rizz. But he definitely is the lovechild of a young Scott Glenn and DJ Qualls. I want to put him in a western immediately because he has Civil War photo face.

Mike O'Connor has that desperate dirty hairy scruffy thing like dude from The Bear. Like you KNOW he has a scratch tat somewhere and would do the dirty with his partner in the toilet stalls or anywhere else. Hollyweird is strange about beauty standards man. Back in the day, they used to pretend old white men, who looked like they smelled like Barbasol mixed w/ urine would somehow be sexy to a twentysomething. Now, we have this dichotomy of thankfully a little more of a diverse gaze for the centered "bombshell" other than blonde with large breasts number 32637263872.... but we also have some actresses cutting fat out their cheeks and being Ozempic thin. *sigh* ...While the "basic" hot boys are punching the air rn because they are also passé. Got to have something interesting going on in the face for everyone now, I think. Can't just be AI "pretty" anymore. Thankfully.

....Anyway. It is good, but with those caveats I laid out.

P.S. ICONIC for me is seeing Zendaya's Black-ass nose bridge drawn large on that poster. P.P.S Thank LUCA for doing the queer elements well... I personally don't think it went far enough, tho...

Mike bottoming for all, including getting pegged by Zendaya would've happened in my version of this... at least implied, come on (ficwriters?) Oh! and here are the clips from Closer, but then it was a successful play first, so the script is more substantial in that.

youtube

This is how filthy I expected Challengers to be, and it's just. not. Nothing in The Challengers touches the heavy heady nastiness in this scene IMO, but something in that movie should have, dammit! Note they never even touch each other.

#challengers #it is riveting #also that soundtrack!!!#already bookmarked on the spotify #atticus and trent do it again #so happy to see the goth industrial prince trent evolving to this movie score icon place now.#the challengers #josh o'connor #mike faist #zendaya #Youtube

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case-of-traxits · 11 months ago

Note

50 Random Character Asks:

Tseng, 1 - 50

You know you had this coming.

50 Random Character Asks: Tseng Edition

I can't even pretend to be surprised here, can I? Well, I got your second ask with your choices as well, so they're in here. 💖

50 questions. Whew. I'll give you guys a sampler on the first one, but the rest are going to be under a cut. This took me SO LONG to do. I've literally been working on it since the 17th! All together, there's 4934 words in this bad boy, excluding the questions.

So uh. Enjoy nearly 5k of meta about Tseng. XD

That said, please keep in mind that all of my answers are specific to how I personally write Tseng. I'm not going to necessarily distinguish every piece of canon from headcanon.

[For this ask game!] || [Still accepting]

1. Canon I outright reject

That Tseng knew Zack was being kept in Nibelheim. For me, it just doesn't work with the rest of Tseng's arc regarding Zack and Aerith and him keeping all of those letters. So. No. Technically, in BC, Tseng is aware that Zack and Cloud are both alive and badly injured, and Hojo orders for him to "prepare the mansion," but never actually says what he's going to be doing there. Tseng sends the Player Turk to clear it out, and then Veld shows up and sends all of the Turks to work on handling the townspeople and everything instead of the mansion. So it's entirely possible that Tseng never knew, according to BC, that Zack and Cloud were placed in those tubes in the basement.

2. A canon or headcanon hill I will die on

Tseng is absolutely capable of slapping Aerith. I realize that they took that out of the Remake, but I just feel like it's critical for his character for you to know that he is absolutely capable of that level of violence, even against someone he cares about.

3. Obscure headcanon

Tseng is the third (and youngest) son of Kisaragi Godo's older brother, who was emperor during the Wutaian War. He was brought up in one of the Leviathan Temples to keep him as an effective (and safe) spare to the throne before he defected to Shinra. His forehead marking is a holdover from his time in the Temple, and he'll never admit to a single soul that sometimes, he feels the guiding hand of destiny (or fate or whatever you want to call it) in his life.

4. Favorite line

"It must have been a real thrill for you… Did you enjoy it?" I think this is everyone's favorite canon line. With the possible exception of the "Mr. President," line from the Remake. That one's pretty damn good, but it requires actual explanation, doesn't it? XD I will say, he also has the canon line of, "I put everyone else at risk because I feared feeling guilty," in BC. Which is... telling.

5. Best personality trait

Tseng's loyalty is easily his best personality trait, in my opinion. We see a lot of it in BC, with his dedication to trying to help and save both Veld and the department, as well as in CC, with his devotion to getting those letters to Zack.

6. Worst personality trait

Tseng's devotion to doing things "correctly" is definitely his worst personality trait. I am firmly of the opinion that this is the thing that's held him back on just killing the President and installing Rufus early. I mean, I have no doubt that there is technically more to it, including the fact that we have no idea what kind of succession clause might have been put in place for Rufus to inherit.

7. Age/height/weight headcanon

Age // Born in 1975, so he is 8 years older than Rufus and Reno, 2 years older than Sephiroth, and 3 years younger than Reeve. Height // I usually go with 5'8", but I'm a little flexible on this. I'll go up to 5'10". He cannot, however, be taller than Rufus for me. Weight // Eh, I don't really do weight HCs.

8. Unpopular opinion about them

Hm... Do I have an unpopular opinion about Tseng..? I don't know that I interact with enough Tseng fans to know. Maybe my insistence on him being fairly easy-going when he isn't at work? I see Tseng as the sort who can go with the flow to some extent, mostly because I don't think he'd work as well with Reno if he wasn't.

9. Scene that first made me love (or hate) the character

Oh man, honestly? This might be my unpopular opinion, but his "death" scene in the OG. With Sephiroth. And no, not just because of my ship goggles. But there's just so much implied trust there, at a point where Tseng probably shouldn't trust Sephiroth. He just... He talks to Sephiroth like he's still sane, and Sephiroth cuts him down during it, and then he still drags himself back through the entire Temple of the Ancients to get to the entrance so that he can let AVALANCHE in.

10. Best moment on screen (or in the book)

See above. I just... I love that scene. It's easily his best scene.

11. Faceclaim for the role

Satoh Takeru.

12. Crack headcanon

So, I don't think I have a straight "crack" headcanon for Tseng. I do have some crack-treated-seriously headcanons, including that he doesn't heal well magically (explaining why he spends so much more time in bandages and recovery than basically everyone else), and that if he's not friends with Reeve or in a romantic relationship with a partner who insists otherwise, he would live entirely on takeout. Tseng does not cook, in my opinion. He's perfectly capable, but why? He's spent years curating an extensive collection of takeout menus he considers acceptable food, and he eats exclusively from restaurants that have passed his very exacting standards. Ooh! And this: Tseng drives a small black sportscar at possibly dangerous speeds in Midgar. It also has no plates, but there's not a cop in Midgar stupid enough to try to ticket it.

13. Dumbest thing they’ve ever done

Possibly trusting Sephiroth when he ran into him at the Temple of the Ancients, but honestly, there was probably no way he was walking out of that anyway, right? So excluding that... Probably, the actual 'dumbest' thing he canonically does is in BC, when he chooses to rescue a single lone reactor guard instead of destroying a ship full of weapons that Shinra can't afford to let get out. That's definitely treated as his dumbest choice by the canon.

14. Most heroic moment

When he literally, while dying, drags himself through the Temple to make sure Aerith gets the keystone.

15. Worst thing they’ve ever done

I mean. He canonically murders people for his paycheck. So probably that? Unless you're more offended by the 'abandoning his country' backstory, of course.

16. Deepest darkest secret they won’t even admit to themselves

He will always wonder if he could have made a difference for Wutai if he'd fought for them instead of going to Midgar. Not that he regrets leaving. He is fairly sure that he was always meant to be at Rufus' side. But there's always that small, lingering thought.

17. Quotes, songs, poems, etc. that I associate with them

I actually have an old fanmix that more or less I still use. That said, you can also add "Secret (Pretty Little Liars: The Perfectionists Theme)," covered by Denmark + Winter.

18. What they’d go to see a therapist about

I am going to read this is what he should see a therapist about because I'm pretty sure if he had to go see one, he would spend the entire session silent, watching the therapist and making them horribly uncomfortable. (Unless it's Angel, but she's one of @ladykf-writes' OCs that I gleefully borrow whenever I can. She's a counselor specifically for Turks, and Tseng knows better than to try to argue with her.) Honestly though. If Tseng were up to date on mental health, I think he'd need to see a therapist about his inability to be settled with anything less than perfection from himself. And, you know, probably talk to them about the killing people thing.

19. Vices/bad habits

Tseng smokes. It wasn't a habit he was in before Midgar, but while he was being 'debriefed,' he discovered that asking for a cigarette meant he got to go outside and see the sky and breathe the (admittedly not great) air. However, due to him not healing super well magically and needing to actually recover naturally, he did eventually notice a cough and slight shortness of breath that he couldn't shake. So he tries not to smoke as much anymore. Still, he does keep a pack of his clove cigarettes on him at all times.

20. Scars

Oh plenty. All the Turks have them, and Tseng has a few more than most given his difficulties in healing.

21. Drink of choice (not just alcoholic)

Alcoholic // Junami sake, served warm. He has a few brands that he likes, most of which need to be imported from Wutai. Non-alcoholic // Caramel Macchiato with extra caramel and extra whip. Not that he'd let anyone catch him ordering it. He has a single barista that he goes to in the coffee shop in the Tower (her name is Peony), and she knows better than to call his order out. Tseng's sweet tooth is something he keeps very much under wraps.

22. Best physical feature

I mean. How do you pick? He's gorgeous. Maybe his hair, but I have a weakness for beautiful hair.

23. If they were a scented candle, what would they smell like?

Vetiver. But that's probably just because I HC his cologne as having notes of vetiver in it.

24. Most annoying habit

According to Reeve, it's Tseng's uncanny way of reading you. There's nothing more frustrating to him than Tseng's little, "And is that all?" sort of question because he knows that Tseng means, 'I know there's something else and here's your opportunity to tell me what it is before I go digging.'

25. 3 things they’d want to take with them if they were dropped off in the middle of nowhere

Assuming he is not allowed to bring his phone, and assuming that a backpack full of his usual supplies (he has one in his apartment, one in his car, and one in his office; he finds it unlikely he'd be caught somewhere without it) doesn't count as a single item, and assuming that he's not stripped of his usual clothes/gear when he's dropped off... 1 // A survival radio with a rechargeable battery. 2 // A waterproof map. 3 // A first aid kit. Really, he'd probably be fine even if dropped off with absolutely nothing, but trust me, he would not be happy about it.

26. What they would do if stuck in an elevator with [Lazard]

At first, there would be a long stretch of silence as they both studied the number display and then the elevator panel itself. Lazard would be the first one to move, leaning forward to punch a few of the buttons, but once it was clear that the elevator was not moving, Tseng would sigh and tip his head back and study the ceiling. He's cataloging everything he needs to do, wondering briefly what he can hand off, what he could text some of the others about to ensure it's done in time. Then he looks over at Lazard, who is sighing and pushing his hand through his hair. There's another few moments of silence before Lazard pushes the emergency call button, and after they're both reassured by the voice on the other end that maintenance is aware of the issue and working to restore functionality, Tseng slides down to sit. Lazard looks over at him, then sighs and takes that as an invitation to do the same. "Do you think it's inappropriate to text Reeve?" And Tseng looks up at Lazard, a small, knowing smile on his lips. "That depends," he murmurs. "Do you actually want to get to that meeting?" Lazard chuckles, reaching up to rub the bridge of his nose slightly, and he looks back down at his phone. After a moment, he lays it face down on his leg and tips his head back against the glass wall of the elevator, and he looks out over the city on display behind Tseng. Tseng notices he doesn't start texting. The silence is comfortable. Companionable. Neither of them have any stake in impressing one another, and there's no need to fill the silence with talking only for the sake of talking. Tseng supposes that they're lucky that it isn't winter. Else they would have to sit much, much closer. A glance over at Lazard, who has taken off his glasses briefly to rub one of his eyes, and a little smile touches Tseng's lips. Not, he decides after a minute, that it would be a bad thing, necessarily.

27. Their guilty pleasure

Tseng loves sweets. Basically all kinds, but he does have a particular weakness for good chocolate and good caramel. His secret indulgence that he'll never admit to anyone who knows him is that sometimes, during the winter, he'll order a large hot chocolate with extra whipped cream and get a caramel drizzle on it from the coffee shop in the Tower. But only if his usual barista (Peony) is working. Since she already knows his coffee order is something equally ridiculously sweet, he finds that to be less humiliating than adding someone else in on the loop.

28. How they feel about [Reeve]

Complicated. On the one hand, Tseng and Reeve are always, always good friends when I write. One of Tseng's first long, solo missions with the Turks (and I really should rewrite that fic with my current Tseng's backstory and clean up the prose a little) was to function as Reeve's escort on a reactor tour. That's a minimum of two weeks if they're taking advantage of helicopters periodically, more often three full weeks of travel when Reeve drives the whole thing. And of course, the driving is definitely Reeve's preference. Reactor tours are practically the only vacation he takes. But there's no way you don't spend three weeks on a cross-planet roadtrip and don't end up very close to the person you spent all that time with in the car (unless, of course, it's terrible and you just want to murder them). But at the same time, there are secrets between them that they both know they can't know about one another. Reeve can't know all the gory details about Tseng's life as a Turk, and Tseng can't know about Reeve's... let's call it his uncanny knack with the reactors. Now, do I ship them? Honestly, yes, sometimes. I mean, I usually pair off Tseng with Sephiroth and Reeve with either Lazard (if I want canon to happen for something later) or Genesis (if I'm wanting a fix-it), but I can absolutely ship Tseng with Reeve. Honestly though, that's kind of an unfair question. I can ship Tseng and Reeve with nearly anyone.

29. Eating habits

If it weren't for Reeve's insistence on a weekly meal with him and Reeve's occasional order of groceries simply arriving at Tseng's apartment unannounced (he only really sends dry goods these days; produce and dairy get delivered by Reeve himself when Tseng invites him over), Tseng would live exclusively on takeout. Expensive takeout. But takeout nonetheless.

30. Sleeping habits

Tseng slept in a Midgardian style bed for about a week while he was in debriefing after he defected, but eventually, he took all of his blankets and everything and just started sleeping on the floor instead. Now, in his apartment in Upper Eight in the middle of Little Wutai, he's found someone who can make him a gloriously oversized futon, and his one "concession" to the Midgardian way of doing things is that he no longer puts his futon up every morning. He has four futons to rotate between, with a veritable army of sheets and blankets for them that he's gotten as what he suspects is something akin to 'tribute' from some of the Little Wutai locals. He's done his best to make it clear that he's to be treated as anyone else in the community, but he's hardly going to refuse these things. Tseng sleeps lightly, waking up at basically any sort of unexpected sound, but he has the enviable ability to drift right back off.

31. If the had a tumblr what would it look like?

Honestly? It would be all precisely curated images/gifs of nature. Probably of waterfalls and rivers and creeks. But it would be immaculate. Perfectly tagged and maintained.

32. Something guaranteed to make them smile/laugh

I don't know that it is guaranteed, but Reno's antics often get a smile or a chuckle out of Tseng; particularly so when someone is underestimating Reno in some way. He has a tendency to find amusement in watching someone walk right into something they should have seen coming. That said, both Reeve and Rufus are also able to routinely get a smile out of him; Reeve because he's just so warm that Tseng can't help but to smile back and Rufus because, well, to be perfectly frank, he's a sassy little shit sometimes and Tseng loves that about him. (For the record, Aerith also often fits in that "sassy little shit" box, but Tseng does his best not to let her see him smile, or else she'll take it as encouragement.) If we're talking about something other than people though, the sort of thing that will routinely get a smile out of Tseng is people watching. He likes sitting on a bench in the Tower or in Midgar in general and just... watching people go by. It helps him feel grounded in the world.

33. Something guaranteed to make them cry

I don't know that anything specific is guaranteed to make him cry. He's very much a 'buckle down and take care of things,' sort of guy instead of the emotional reaction sort of guy. That said, he doesn't handle it well after Nibelheim. Even if he's not in a relationship with Sephiroth, the whole mess of 'handling' the survivors and realizing just how far the President will go to keep himself in power and the uncertainty of what's going on with Veld and with AVALANCHE and just... It's isn't pretty.

34. How they react when they are feeling [excited]

Tseng has, as a general rule, muted outward emotional tells for anything he's feeling. It was trained into him when he was at the Temple, both as a potential heir to the throne as well as because he was being trained to be a priest. That said, when he's genuinely excited about something and not just 'looking forward' to it, someone who knows him can tell. He's distracted from other things. And sometimes, if you're talking to him and he's excited about something, he might ask you to repeat yourself. Not like, "Oh, I didn't hear you, what?" But you'll get a lot more of those little noncommittal "Mm?" sounds out of him. Unless you're talking about the thing he's excited about. In that case, you'll have his complete attention, and his usually small, amused smiles (the smug ones; you know the ones) are a bit bigger, more genuine and, dare I say it, softer.

35. Their idea of a perfect day

Tseng's idea of a perfect day... well, to some extent, that varies based on where we are in the timeline and if he's in a romantic relationship, but in general, his idea of the perfect day is as follows: Nothing disastrous happens. Barring that, he'll settle for: Anything disastrous that did happen was handled. Appropriately. In all seriousness, Tseng is very much the sort who focuses on living each day as though he won't have another, and he doesn't let himself indulge much in idle fantasies. He's much more interested in perfect moments. A good morning run with someone he likes. An effective training session with one of the other Turks. Watching someone grasp something that he's been teaching them. An evening walk with someone he loves. Sharing a ridiculously rich chocolate cake with them afterwards. That sort of thing.

36. Their favorite season

Tseng's favorite season in Midgar is fall, when there's a near constant wind coming off the mountains. It can be difficult to track the seasons in Midgar, since there's not much by way of greenery, but fall means a cool wind that helps disperse some of the excess heat that comes off the Plate under his feet. Back in Wutai, his favorite season was summer. He liked watching the fireflies in the dusk at the Temple, and no small part of him misses that.

37. What they really think about themselves

Deep down, no matter what else, Tseng knows that he is an oathbreaker. He can justify it to himself or dress it up all he wants, but he knows that his father, that his brothers, that his country counted on him, and he walked away. He abandoned everything he'd ever known and walked into the camp of the enemy and swore to help them instead. It's part of why his loyalty is so fiercely held now, and part of why he's so careful to be as pristine and perfect at what he does as is possible. He knows what his family— had they survived the war— would have said. Once an oathbreaker, always an oathbreaker, and now, he's tied to the oaths he has made in a way that he wouldn't be if he hadn't defected, because he's terrified that they would be right. That puts him in the position of conflicting loyalties, and why he is so careful not to make promises once he's in Midgar. His first loyalty is to Rufus now, his second to the rest of the Turks, and if there's anything that keeps him awake at night, it's how he's supposed to juggle the additional loyalties that he's found himself collecting (Aerith, Reeve, Zack, Sephiroth, Veld, Reno, etc.).

38. Favorite holiday

Valentine's Day. Or, to be more exact, the day after. When Tseng can get a box of very nice chocolates for extremely cheap. XD No, in all seriousness, Tseng quite likes the Midgar celebration of the dead, All Hallow's Eve, with the fixation on costumes and frightening people. He finds it fascinating for a culture that spends so much of its time not talking about the dead.

39. Favorite game

Tseng likes card games. He's good at them for the most part, and in fact, when he first defected and arrived in the SOLDIER camp, he realized very quickly that his traditional Wutaian garb was only going to keep him Othered. So he learned to play poker from watching several hands, and he won himself gil and spare clothing alike off those SOLDIERs who heard his— at the time— thick accent and thought he'd be an easy mark. He still has a soft spot for poker.

40. Favorite book

Have two of Tseng's favorites. Both titles have been translated from the original Wutaian for your convenience, but Tseng only has the Wutaian copies in his home. "When the Sun Rises in the West," by Yurieva Aiko. This is a collection of poetry made from the letters recovered from the belongings of Wutaian soldiers after the war. "The Sleeve Cost Me Nothing Compared to You," by Sato Ivan. This is a collection of short stories and poetry about love and the fleeting nature of romance.

41. If they could have lunch with anyone in the world (living or dead, from any fictional universe or the real world), who would it be?

Before he defects // Tseng would like to have lunch with one of the previous emperors at this point, just to try to get some perspective on what's happening with his country. Particularly, he desperately wishes he had someone to ask for advice from. He's torn on what he sees going on, and he wonders what's wrong with him that he seems to be the only one who sees that there's no possible way for them to win this engagement with Shinra. After he defects // During his time in Shinra, given the option to have lunch with literally anyone, Tseng would like one more lunch with someone he loves. He's very much of the opinion that the best thing to do is to savor every moment you get with someone, no matter how mundane or fleeting. Post-canon // He would like one more lunch with Aerith and Zack. Just to see them again, and to convince himself to let their ghosts go.

42. 3 comfort items

1 // Tseng has kept, over the years, exactly one kimono from his time in Wutai, and while he never wears it anymore, sometimes, when he's feeling nostalgic, he'll go and run his hands over the silk. 2 // After he completed his training to be accepted into the Turks, before he left the Academy in Junon to go back to Midgar full time, the Acting Director of Operations in The Junon Branch of the Administrative Research, Anya (also one of @ladykf-writes' OCs), gave him an inlaid bone and black alloy knife with a blade cleaning kit. This is the knife that Tseng wears strapped to his left thigh (the left pocket is cut open in every pair of his pants so that he can reach it). 3 // When Rufus was fifteen, he gifted Tseng a solid black watch with no markers on it besides a pair of mythril white hands and a single mythril accent on the face that marked the twelve. Rufus never intended for Tseng to keep it as a staple, but while Rufus has gifted him other watches since then, this is the one that Tseng wears as his every day watch.

43. 3 favorite foods and 3 they despise

Favorite Food 1 // Sushi from a tiny hole-in-the-wall place in Little Wutai. And when he says hole-in-the-wall, he means this woman literally just sells bentos out of her kitchen. Favorite Food 2 // Fiola's in Upper Six is one of his favorites. They have excellent Mideelan pasta and even better bread. The bread is, in fact, good enough that while Tseng usually doesn't eat bread with his meals, he'll make an exception for Fiola's. Favorite Food 3 // There is a tiny bakery in Upper Three that sells the absolute best chocolate cake that Tseng has ever had. Despised Food 1 // The "sushi" for sale in the Midgar cafeteria. One of them had mayonnaise in it. Despised Food 2 // Pork rinds, a surprisingly popular snack in Midgar. Tseng suspects it's a holdover from when the area was much more farming-oriented. As it stands, every sector, Above and Below, has their own 'special' flavoring for them, and Tseng has yet to find anything redeeming about them. Despised Food 3 // Tseng doesn't despise bread exactly, but he fails to find it enjoyable to eat most of the time. He'd prefer his carbs come in sugar, pasta, or rice, given the choice.

44. Their happiest memory

Tseng has a couple. The first one is of one of the last times he saw his mother. He was about eleven, and he was brought to her rooms so that she could see him. They spent the evening reading poetry and him showing off his sword forms and her telling him how proud of him she was. He helped her brush out her hair and braid it for bed, and then she returned the favor and kissed his forehead and sent him on back to his own rooms. He has a small jade comb that he found in a secondhand shop in Little Wutai that makes him think of her. His second happiest memory is nearly always with Reeve, of their drive around the planet on that first reactor tour. It was the first time Tseng traveled that he could just enjoy the process, and he has fond memories of the times they rolled the windows down and Tseng could let his hand hang out of the car and just... feel the breeze. Reeve had been content to talk about nothing or put on an audiobook— and those had been something delightful to learn about, something that Tseng had immediately invested in because that was a great way to listen to the language— and let them just ride.

45. Their favorite celebrity

Tseng is embarrassed to admit it, but when he first arrived in Midgar and Junon, his Standard was not nearly as good as he'd thought it was. The tutors he'd had in Wutai hadn't been native speakers, after all, and while he'd learned very well from them, there was no way he'd be mistaken for a natural speaker. So he'd immediately immersed himself, watching the news and reading everything he could get his hands on, and eventually, he'd discovered what were called 'soaps.' He never really followed a lot of the plot lines— he felt sometimes like they had put several novels in a blender and poured the resulting concoction on the screen— but he did eventually decide there was one actress, Gabrielle Cooper, that he enjoyed watching. She had one of the most neutral accents he'd ever heard, and he followed her from show to show faithfully. Even long after he'd stopped watching soaps to help with his Standard, long after he'd more or less shed his own accent completely, he would catch himself picking up a magazine or a tabloid if she was featured on the cover.

46. The person they most admire

For a long, long time, it was Veld. And then everything with Felicia happened. And it isn't that he no longer admires Veld, but he certainly seems more human now. What Tseng admires most about Veld now isn't the seemingly perfect Turk persona that he presents, but his dedication to what he thinks is right. Post-canon, the person he probably actually admires most is Rufus. Rufus Shinra, who was brought up to rule the world and has been barred from the throne. Rufus Shinra, who should have had everything and instead has had to cobble something together from the ruins left behind. In that vein, Reeve is an extremely close second. Reeve was never intended to be the one in charge, and Tseng knows that Reeve would like nothing more than to hand it all off to someone else and go back to designing houses and buildings and parks. But there's literally no one else to hand it off to. So he trudges on, running the now-largest military force in the world, making decisions that shape the entire world with almost no oversight.

47. Their dream job

If Tseng wasn't a Turk and hadn't been brought up in the Temple and was just an average Midgar citizen? He'd be a restaurant critic. He'd write the most detailed and possibly scathing reviews possible, and restaurants would fear him.

48. Scariest moment of their life

A few months before he defected, during a ritual for Leviathan at the Temple, Tseng nearly drowned. This was one of his big catalyst moments for abandoning Wutai, as he realized in that moment that no matter what anyone told him about how important he was, they all saw him as expendable. After Advent Children, the scariest moment in Tseng's life was watching Rufus jump from that building.

49. Favorite toy as a child

Tseng was given a wooden training sword very young that he absolutely used to menace every Temple Guardian he ran across until he was big enough for proper training, and he cherished it right up until he left the temple. He didn't take it with him, but he made sure to polish it and leave it in a respectful place when he left. He is sure that it was broken and/or burned upon discovery that he had chosen to side with Shinra.

50. A memory they’ve blocked out

I don't know that Tseng has very many memories that he's blocked out. Tseng is very unflinching when it comes to facing who he is and what he's done and what's been done to him. He believes in facing things head-on and in dealing with the consequences that brings.

Congratulations on making it all the way down here, omg. IT WAS SO LONG!!

All of the love. 💖

#ff7 #final fantasy vii #tseng of the turks #meta #I cannot believe I wrote damn near 5k on this thing #BUT HERE YOU GO.

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whyisaverycrying · 1 year ago

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Mercury Sextile Venus and Venus in the Third House Experiences

Hi! My names Avery and I write personal experiences with certain astrology placements I have. I do this in hopes that it will help people seek some knowledge about certain placements and give another point of view from someone that actually has the placement! This is my first post so I hope you guys enjoy :)

·:*¨༺ ♱✮♱ ༻¨*:·

First let’s break down what mercury sextile venus really is:

If we start with the basics mercury rules over communication while venus rules over love and relationships. When we put these two together we get someone who has a skill to allow their heart to flow through their mind causing speech and learning to be seen in a beautiful way. Things need to have meaning - knowledge specifically. It allows them a skill that can be accessed when needed.

Now let’s break down venus in the third house:

The third house is about communication expression and understanding. It’s logical. It also rules over siblings neighbors cousins aunts uncles It goes on and on but basically just your close environment that you would see everyday. This is also the house of gemini so this can be where our curiosity lies and what we want to learn -what we find interesting.

Examples:

People have always told me my voice was soft and soothing. I find this hard to really understand -and maybe it’s because I’m so used to my own voice I don’t hear what other people hear but- a lot of the interactions I’ve had with people always end up telling me how nice my voice is. I’ve once or twice have been told to make a ASMR channel..

- my boyfriend recently said he was surprised to hear my mom speak and have the same “soft” voice as me. When I tell you I looked at this man like “👀”. Wdym my voice is “soft”

I have a good singing voice. This sounds almost narcissistic of me but I’ve been told this many many times. I love singing and have done it since I was little so I do admit I have some sort of skill. I make music and write lyrics. It comes almost natural to me. I just close my eyes and let my emotions move my hand. I’ve been in choir almost all my school years as well.

I’ve been told I have beautiful hands. I assume this is because gemini rules over the hands but yeah this comment is even more frequent than the other ones I’ve mentioned. My dad has called them my “piano hands” ever since I was little. I’ve heard constant comments about saying how “slim” and “soft” my fingers and skin are. It’s a odd but frequent compliment that I thought I might add.

Communication is key. I’m such a big stickler on communication in realationships. Someone who I can bounce ideas off of or who can keep my mind I love energizes me. My best friend has jupiter in the third house and I love how easy she can comprehend things. She also has mercury in the 12th house and let me tell you talking to her truly feels like a mystical dream. Our conversations are so fun and easy. Things like this is a huge deal to me. If I can’t have a conversation without you bouncing back off ideas, I won’t enjoy talking to you.

I love flirting LMAO I had to say it. It comes so natural to me. I know exactly what to say and when to say it. Sometimes I will admit when I meet someone I come off too friendly with them. I don’t mean to at all I’d rather lay off - I have a scorpio rising- but sometimes I’ll be talking and realize only after that I came off a bit too strong.

On the topic of that people have said I have an admiring personality - keep in mind I do have a scorpio rising, sagittarius sun, and sagittarius mercury but I think these placements specifically really tie it together- but I’ve had people pull me aside or get me alone and be like “Avery I love you” or “Avery never change the way you are” after I was authentically myself in a conversation. I’m not sure if this is specifically because of this placement but I thought I would add it.

I love compliments WHEW gimme gimme. If words of affirmation was a person it would be me. It’s such an ego boost. And don’t get me wrong I give them as much as I receive them. I LOVE seeing someone smile after I give them a compliment. It truly makes my day.

I adore poetry words are truly my medicine. I write poetry myself and it’s such a good release for me to write after a hard and long day. I love to see things in a beautiful manner and I want to show that to the world. I actually have a poetry blog you should totally follow (@averywritespoetry).

I get jealous of the way people speak. This is an odd one that I rarely ever talk about but if someone has a cool little phrase they say or something like that I immediately want to one up them with something cooler. Like I’m supposed to be the one that’s good at talking? Where did you come from?

It’s really hard to say no. I hate letting people down. I might appease to other people just because I don’t want to see them upset which makes me seem two faced sometimes.

I admire my siblings a lot I feel so proud of them and what they have accomplished. Me and my sister specifically give eachother gifts and such a lot. Don’t know if this is a universal things but yeah.

I love when people call me smart. Do it. It boosts my ego.

I love when people know what they are talking about. Something I find attractive is when someone knows how to use their words really well.

And that’s it! Thank you so much for reading! <3

#astrology observations #astro observations #venus in the 3rd house #Mercury sextile venus #astro notes

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0anonymousv · 2 years ago

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It’s not a date.

Ena had to keep reminding herself of that. She had barely caught herself from asking Mizuki if it was one just a few minutes earlier.

Actually, she had almost asked originally, too. When Mizuki had proposed the outing in the first place.

“Enanan!”

Ena had perked up from her drawing tablet when she heard Mizuki unmuting themself and speaking. They’d all been working silently for over an hour now, it seemed like an odd time to suddenly say something.

Regardless, Ena unmuted herself anyway. “Amia? What is it?”

Their voice was as cutesy as ever. “I got these tickets for a special sale at a shop just beyond Vivid Street. You should come with me!”

“Tickets?” Ena couldn’t help but question. “Why would you need tickets for a sale? If you wanna go shopping with me, just say so.”

Mizuki laughs. “Like, vouchers! So we can get something free with a different purchase.”

“You mean a coupon?”

“Who cares! Are you in or not?”

Ena rolled her eyes behind the screen. “Sure, whatever. I don’t have any other plans…”

“Yaaayyy~!” Mizuki practically cheered on the other end, making Ena’s heart swell up. But she ignores it. She had gotten good at that. Until Mizuki kept talking. “I thought maybe we could go get food after, maybe just stroll around town a bit…”

That sounds like a date.

Ena opened her mouth, really, really wanting to ask if it was a date. As much as she didn’t want to admit it, she kind of hoped it was. At least Mizuki wouldn’t know that no matter what the answer was. Voice calls don’t give away the pink in her cheeks. Thankfully.

She was suddenly greeted by Kanade’s voice. “I hope you two have fun.”

And then Mafuyu’s. “Yeah.”

“What, you two don’t care about not being invited?” Ena said, trying to deflect her feelings onto them.

“Shopping isn’t really my thing… I understand why,” Kanade replied sort of weakly.

“See? I can be considerate, too, Enanan,” Mizuki snickered.

“I’m not doubting you!” Ena snapped back without a second thought. Whew. there. That was a more inconspicuous response.

“And I have cram school. I wouldn’t have really cared about going anyway…” Mafuyu spoke idly.

“We know you wouldn’t have.” Ena huffed. “Anyway. Amia, did you have a place to eat in mind?”

“Ummmm.” Mizuki seemed to be thinking for a second before mischief tainted their voice. “What about that new place by the school with all the sweets? I think L’il Bro mentioned it the other day~”

“Yeah, sure…” Ena shrugged, trying to sound nonchalant. But her heart pounded in her chest.

Even now, the next day, it still did. It was like it hadn’t stopped racing since the word “date” entered her mind. How stupid was that?

The two of them were waiting at the crossing. Mizuki rocked back and forth on their heels, which was impressive enough in those platforms. Ena glanced down at her sandals. Maybe she was underdressed. No, no I’m not. It’s not a date, remember? Mizuki just liked to dress up for everything.

“Light’s green!” Mizuki says cheerfully, suddenly grabbing Ena’s hand and pulling her across the street after them. Ena’s heart might explode out of her chest. There’s no screen to hide it this time, but Mizuki is looking ahead and not back at her - so, she’s still safe for now.

Shortly after, they reach the shop. It’s a quaint little place, but Ena remembers it having pretty nice clothes for decent prices. It had been on her radar for a while.

Mizuki pulls her inside excitedly. “Here! I’ll pick something out for you if you’ll grab me something~”

“What?? Okay- sure?” Ena watches Mizuki run off to a suspiciously gothic looking corner of the shop. Sighing, Ena starts going through the racks for something that seems… Mizuki.

Oh my god. Everything reminds me of them.

Ena, once again, feels a little like she might explode. This wasn’t fair. Mizuki shouldn’t be allowed to have such a death grip on her heart.

She finally settles on a cute sundress, and wanders over to the changing rooms to wait for Mizuki. It’s a short wait before they come bounding over, holding - oh my god. That’s gorgeous.

“Where did you find that??” Ena couldn’t help but nearly gasp, reaching out and taking the dress. “It’s stunning.”

“It reminded me of you. Stunning.” Mizuki winks, once again making Ena’s poor heart skip a beat. She just scoffs and looks away, though, still trying her best to play it off.

“Oh, sure. Here.” She pushes her own choice into Mizuki’s arms. “Go put that on while I change too.”

Mizuki just snickers, almost teasingly, as they go into one of the changing rooms. Ena heads into the other, looking at herself in the mirror and shutting the door. Wow. She felt like a mess, but at least she didn’t look like one. Other than the pretty obvious blush dusted across her cheeks.

I’m ruined. Mizuki is gonna make fun of me forever now.

Ena shakes her head to herself. She couldn’t be thinking like that. She was all over the place today. Pushing down all of those feelings, Ena changes into the dress and steps back out of the stall, where Mizuki is waiting.

They do a little spin as soon as Ena walks out. The sundress is twirly and almost fairytale, like a princess before she reaches the climax of the film.

Ena is a little bit speechless. Thankfully, or maybe unfortunately, Mizuki pipes up first. “You look so pretty in that!”

Her breath catches on itself. Immediately, as always, Ena deflects it. “Do I not look pretty all the time?” Shoot, that just sounds like I want this to be romantic. I don’t. I don’t! It’s not even a date!

“Of course you are~ but it looks especially good on you!” They grab her hands excitedly. “Let’s go try some other stuff on!”

Ena might die. This might be it for her, emotionally. It’s so over.

The two of them continue shopping for a while, ending up going to a couple other ones as well. Ena started to relax a little bit, successfully convincing herself - for the most part - that it wasn’t a date. Just two friends hanging out.

And then they went to that cafe.

Ena practically buries herself in her cheesecake, so instantly having returned to her mental back-and-forth of what the hangout meant. Meanwhile, Mizuki sits across the table, snacking on french fries with a satisfied smile.

She had to be overthinking this. So stupid.

Kind of out of nowhere, Mizuki’s phone starts ringing. They seem to have been expecting it, and take their phone out completely unbothered. “Ohh, my sister’s calling~ I’ll be right back!”

They get up and walk away, for some reason going outside. Ena eyes them leaving before sinking down in the seat. If it was a date, Mizuki probably wouldn’t run off to answer a call. But, again, who knows. She hasn’t felt this conflicted about something in months.

Ena is already finished with her cheesecake by the time Mizuki returns. “Ena!” Their cute voice speaks up from behind her.

“There you are.” Ena scoffs, turning around to look at them. “What took you-”

Mizuki is down on one knee, holding out a bouquet of pink and red flowers. They grin at Ena. “I was hoping this was a date, by the way. Unless you’d scratch me up like a kitty cat for that.”

Ena is dead.

She can feel her face being painted pink, much to her dismay. This is incredibly embarrassing.

“Y-You could’ve just said that!” Ena claims, taking the bouquet anyway and taking a deep breath of it. It smells lovely, and the whole thing was just beautiful. Was this their plan the whole time? Lure her somewhere they could - ask her out?

“It’s more fun to mess with you. Is that a yes? It’s a date?” Mizuki leans in towards Ena, smirking.

Ena recoils a little, making a face back at them. “Don’t get all in my space just because it is a date.”

“Relax~” Mizuki laughs, sitting down across the table again and resting their chin on their hands. “Does that make you my girlfriend?”

“Would you slow down?” Ena hisses, hiding her blushing face behind the bouquet. “I’m just processing this.”

Once again, Mizuki just giggles, going back to eating their fries. “I’ll be waitiiiiing.”

----

just a cute lil mizuena one shot i wrote like a month ago. check me on ao3 anonymousv i write sometimes

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trashlie · 2 years ago

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FP 215 and 216 + some shippy commentary

Whew boy! It has, yet again, been a while since my last one, and I’ve had SO MANY thoughts rattling around my brain, but I’m so bad at juggling my multiple hobbies. I’ve recently gotten back into learning watercolor painting and having so much fun with it, but there’s such a limited number of hours in a day and I lose hours while I’m painting, aaaaaaahhhh!

Anyway, I really want to try to gather some thoughts before this week’s ILY update, because my GOD I have LOVED where we’ve been with the story. I know as readers we collectively have looked forward to this never-ending night lol but I feel like there’s so many things I was personally waiting for that are finally coming to fruition and my GOSH it feels so rewarding and so exciting!

Now, you guys know that I have been chomping at the bit re: Kousuke, but I’m going to save him for a separate post. I’ve been yelling about him a LOT lately and I want to take a break, hehe, and dig into some other aspects, so we’ll be covering FP eps 215 and 216 in this post, but I swear I’m going to try to get my Kousuke thoughts out this week before the next episode drops ;_____; I have... so many thoughts about him and especially Kousuke + Nol as family and enemies aaahhhhhh. But for that - LATER!

I mean, okay, I guess I do have to touch a little on Kousuke lol and how we got here, since I never really dropped my thoughts about the episodes leading up to this hhhh I’m really behind! Kousuke being his own worst enemy all these years and thus bringing about his own downfall (of sorts) is just sooo poetic. And don’t get me wrong - I have a lot of deep feelings about this because, as we know, while Kousuke has been on a shitty path, there are reasons he ended up there, and the dramatic tragedy of him fighting something that never really existed feels like such a sucker punch. He has spent so long making an enemy of someone who only wanted alliance, and in his quest for Rand’s affection - for his father’s LOVE - he has brought the utmost of disappointment to him. I think it’s worth acknowledging that this was not Kousuke’s intention. He had no intention of punching Nol and fell to his knees when Nol pushed him and jeered so there’s only so much of this I’m willing to pin on him, because I doubt he expected his punch to land so much damage, you know? Nol goaded him and he got more than he bargained for. It’s not so very black and white.

But regardless of intention, we arrive at a hospital - mercifully not Hirahara Memorial - with Nol in a really, really bad shape, and to no surprise, it is Shinae (and Lil Buddy!) waiting on him to wake.

I love everything about this for so many reasons! It’s very much a sort of parallel to the night Shinae was in the hospital, with Nol sitting outside the door, except now we so much more friendship between them since then, and shinae doesn’t sit outside his door but is dozing off on the side of his bed. When you think about everything that has happened since that scene, it feels surreal! Nol and Shinae both have been through so much beginning with that harrowing night of the gala. and though Nol has tried to run away, all of it has only brought them closer, whether or not he’s able to admit it.

And this is actually something that I love so much about these episodes! In the episodes leading to this, at Minhyuk’s party, Nol was so cagey and edgy, all sharp edges and dangerous shadows, as if he was daring her, as if he was trying to see how far he could push. It’s not that he dropped away the Yeonggi mask entirely and revealed who he really is as much as he adopted his Nol persona and pushed it forth. After all, Yeonggi is just as much a part of who he really is, as much as his sharp edges he tried to soften by pushing Yeonggi forward. That’s what we get to see in this episode: he is as much the boy who initially approached Shinae as he is the man who’s tried to push her away, whether or not he’s willing to accept it. Even after confirming their mutual care and respect for each other, Nol (inebriated at that) pointedly shared his darkest, hidden side - and it didn’t scare Shinae off.

Certainly Shinae was exposed to the most private side of Nol - the darkness and sharp edges he uses to push back against the world, the part of him that he was so desperate to hide - but in these episodes, we see the most authentic aspect of him. Where all the alcohol he drank earlier in the night brought out what some might consider the “worst” of him, I think the morphine drip brings out a more authentic take on Nol. No inhibitions, but no edges, no sharp bites, and just enough honestly that he may regret it later.

And I love it! I loved seeing how Shinae dealt with such a dark, edgy version of the friend she was so desperate to catch, but I REALLY love getting to see Nol and Shinae return to their roots in these episodes, in terms of their rhythm, their beats, their chemistry. I think they play off each other in such a surprisingly natural way - Nol certainly has been taken by surprise by it before, but I don’t think Shinae is as aware of it. The way she responds to his prank (which is, admittedly, such a dark, cruel prank lol) and turns her own despair around to prank him back was just beautiful, absolute art lol. He’s always had the upperhand, but since climbing up to join her on the rooftop, they stand toe to toe on equal footing.

But honestly, it’s so nice? To see Nol laugh again? Even if it came to him via a mean prank, even if it’s because he’s so at ease on morphine. Isn’t that so weirdly twisted - this is what it’s taken to bring him a well-deserved moment of peace, for the waters to become placid, even if temporarily. He came so close to dying! And only then has he found his peace. (Very similar to the pool fall at the black and white formal, where he denied himself a different sense of peace.)

I love their rhythm! How they go back and forth so easily (with Lil Buddy’s assistance heh,.. Nol can’t catch a break!) and they just feel so NATURAL. It’s almost hard to believe that just a few months ago, Shinae wanted nothing to do with him, and now she has been exposed to the most raw and vulnerable parts of who he is, has become acquainted with him in a way that no one else yet has.

I love it, I love them! There’s a sense of intimacy woven into the episodes, with Nol allowing himself what he’s never before, resting on her should. He is metaphorically as much as literally allowing himself to lean on her, finally, after all the struggles he’s endured alone. After everything he has faced alone, he is allowing himself to share a moment with someone, even if he can’t admit it fully out loud. Would he have done the same if not for the morphine? I guess it’s pretty much a moot question, because we only get to have this moment because of how much he’s endured, finally hitting that limit. He nearly DIED - and he would have, had Kousuke not gone out after him. How far would he have gotten before he collapsed and bled out in the snow, perhaps Rand wouldn’t have even seen him. It’s scary just how close he came to no longer existing.

So I suppose there may not be a scenario where Nol would allow himself to lean on a friend. He doesn’t say it, but I expect it’s at the back of his mind - his fear. Is he relieved? Would he rather have been left there in the snow? I suspect as much as he’s been suicidal in the past, that’s not how he wanted to go. Idk, I have a lot of quiet thoughts about this - about how painful recovery will be and would he rather have let his flame go out like that? Or does Shinae’s presence make him rethink those ideations? Is the presence of someone who cares - who has seen his darkness and still cared about him, who has been hurt by him and still cares about him - enough to make him feel relieved that he is still here? He’s so weary, so exhausted, and look at what extremes he went through before he allowed himself any reprieve.

In a really weird way, this reminds me of the phone call in episode 73 while Shinae is in the hospital with her dad and Rika, which is funny, because Nol spends that whole phone call deflecting and lying about his condition. But it still carried that sense of tender intimacy - the two people alone while the world around them is at rest, just a stolen moment of comfort in their sea of storms (although during the phone call the solace is definitely more so for Shinae’s benefit than his own). Here we have a similar scenario - two people alone while the world around them is asleep, the snow blanketing the city around them, no one aware of this moment transpiring, except this time Nol allows himself to benefit from the solace and the comfort. How many times has he reached out only to deny himself whatever it is he seeks? How many times has he made himself prop himself up, unable to allow himself to take comfort (denying that he deserves comfort)?

“I thought you didn’t like the silence?” “I don’t.. but I like THIS silence.”

Perhaps it’s just the morphine, but there’s something about that exchange that just GETS to me - that silence is otherwise so constricting, so claustrophobic, so unbearable, except this one. This one is special. This one is nice. This one is comforting. Again, that layer of tragedy underlines it - that this wouldn’t be happening had he not nearly died. That he’s in so much pain but it is, for now, masked by something that can take it away. Isn’t that what he’s wanted? Something that softens the blow, that little moment to catch his breath?

And GOD the way Shinae reacts! So many times this evening she’s found herself flustered, found herself feeling something unusual in response to him - whether it’s his honesty or his dark edges or this - whatever this may be. Nestling her face against his shoulder as she relays the way they found him, the way they barely managed to get him in in time (losing blood so fast there was truly NO minute to spare!) and how he seems to take comfort in knowing it’s not the family’s hospital when he turns his head and buries it against her. I love it, I love them! I keep saying that but aaahhhhh I always love their intimate moments, these little moments stolen in the stillness of the night, when no one else is around to mind them. A song shared during her lunch break, a phone call in the night, a passing moment when she puts his earbud back in his ear, a moment of banter before work. And just like every time, no matter how Nol tries to resist her, to turn away, to place a barrier between her, it always fails. He’s SO drawn to her, whether it’s because she’s the only person who shows him concern, the only person who notices him, who pays attention to him - or something more - he has only once been able to push her away.

I also really love how quimchee plays with the rhythm here - the comedy feels so organic, spliced between little moments of tenderness that is reminiscent of the earlier episodes’ comedy. It’s so light and playful in those ways - everything has been so heavy as everyone has struggled through their own plights, but Nol’s sneezing, Shinae sneaking in Lil Buddy, her impression of Rand and his laughter, it’s all so playful and light, such a delightful contrast to the moments preceding ad following. Again, they just have this way of being with each other that is so comfortable and wonderful to read. To be fair, I think Shinae has wonderful chemistry with a lot of characters - she’s always fun to read with Soushi, Minhyuk, and even sometimes Kousuke - but what’s really good about this is how Nol falls in line with her, the ways they play off each other. Everything about their collective panic over the machine beeping is so comical and feels so much like Yeonggi and Shinae! It just feels... idk, authentic. This is him, no fronts, no masks, nothing played up, just a lack of inhibitions and their shared rhythm.

I usually try to read these scenes without a romantic lens - is this just friendship? Is this platonic? We know they’re soulmates but where do they fall on each other’s radar? Is it just that this feels like such a secretive thing? How do they affect each other? But I cannot deny how SHIPABLE these moments feel - how Shinae has spent this whole evening so affected by him! It’s so hard to read Nol, because he hides things so well. Does he, too, feel affected by the intimacy of their stolen moments? I’ve always felt he’s so caught up in what he’s running from and what he’s hiding from that he probably has never allowed himself to be honest about his feelings. Numerous times we’ve seen surprise on his face when Shinae shows him concern but is it just surprise that she sees through him or is he ever delighted (or scared) by her ability to do that? It’s so hard to tell! I’ve been of the mind lately that she’s the one feeling something - or at least showing it, but I wish I could get a better read on him. I feel like Nol allowing himself that moment on her shoulder is something, maybe? It feels a little reminiscent of their hug in 151 - one of the only times he was able to create the distance between them, and also one of the only times he allowed himself that moment - but the emotions of it are incredibly different.

This is where I’ll allow myself to get into the shippier thoughts, though. Like I said, it’s just so difficult to get a read on Nol - I feel like on some level we’ve barely scratched the surface of him, even though I also think we’ve seen some of his most raw angles. But as far as shipping stuff goes, there’s still so many questions. The way he talked about Alyssa never really indicated that there were ever feelings as much as him trying - and failing - to keep her out of Yui’s reach. I still wonder what their friendship was like. Is he just blinded by futility? He can only look back on it this way, because all of the good times - when they were friends - have been overshadowed by her need for Yui’s approval? I bring this up because it’s the only real comparison we have as an indicator of Nol’s feelings. He never even mentioned Alyssa when he was in the alley with Lil Buddy - and I guess there could be a couple reasons why. After all, he was speaking of the friends he was leaving behind, the ones who he didn’t want to let go of, and Alyssa wasn’t part of that group. But it could just as easily be that he thinks it’s a lost cause - Alyssa has chosen her path and there’s no point in trying to fight her.

At any rate, we’ve always been shown the different ways that Nol and Shinae interact and behave, especially contrasted to Alyssa. I wonder how much of Nol she’s met - does she only know happy-go-lucky Yeonggi who has never put his own needs ahead of anyone else’s? That’s what I assume, based on the way she talks about him and how “easy” their relationship was - that he is someone who never made a fuss and had no issue with her doing whatever she wanted without him. But again, I think it’s safe to assume that Nol is the most himself we’ve seen with Shinae, which makes sense given that he struggles so much to draw that distance between them. She just brings something out of him, and it certainly has a lot to do with the fact that she pays attention to him, she notices the little things he got used to people not noticing, she showed him the kind of friendship he was denying himself.

And, damnit, I can’t help but ship them, when they have these moments. This is why I find myself shipping them, rather than enjoying the possibility of platonic soulmates - because how do you develop this bond, this kind of relationship, and then move in different directions? How do you share this kind of tender intimacy without it feeling like something Else? I am a big fan of intimacy =/= romance and there are ways it could have played out between them, but I also think that so much of their intimacy has been these little pockets of calm shared together in the shadows that have changed who they are as people. And just like intimacy does not necessarily always equate to romance, attraction doesn’t always indicate romance, either. We’ve seen that Shinae is definitely attracted to Dieter, but I think the way she’s drawn to Nol is different. That intimacy is there - Shinae has been able to share things with Dieter that she couldn’t easily share with others at first - but idk, it just feels DIFFERENT in a way that’s so difficult to articulate.

Because of their shared and similar experiences, Nol and Shinae have this rather innate understanding of each other. Shinae is both understanding of why Nol is the way he is, but also pushes him and doesn’t allow him to make those excuses - look at the way she verbally assaulted him when he feigned forgetting his memory lol. I think it would be difficult (although not impossible) for anyone else to feel that with him. In fact, in general, it makes me wonder who Nol will be in the future - will he ever be able to forge other, genuine relationships outside Shinae, Dieter, and Soushi?

Shinae has made it abundantly clear how important Nol is to her, both to him and to others. Is she as important to Nol? Does it scare him that someone now knows so many of the things he’s hid and tried to mask, or does he find comfort in it?

The thing about romance is that there’s not an easy before and after - it’s the kind of thing that happens over time, little by little, sometimes moments more noticeable than others. The night of the black and white formal, Nol spent so much of his time and energy looking out for Shinae, taking care of her, trying to keep her safe, and since that night she has returned the favor, doing just as he did - reaching out and opening herself up and making a point to be there for him. What is that to him? Is it friendship? Is it something that blurs the line? I don’t expect them to figure it out any time soon, if there’s something, if it means anything, but in the same way I just wonder how he sees it. Like I said, I think it’s more evident with Shinae - she’s had the signs more frequently, but what about Nol?

I genuinely just love watching them play out and develop, the way their experiences bump into each other and their lives merge. Whatever path Nol is on, I hope he’s realize that Shinae is a part of it, too, in whatever form he wants her to be. I hope he realizes that there is someone who has his back completely, who can accept him at even his darkest, his lowest, his absolute worst, and will continue not only to just root for him, but assist him. It’s one thing to cheer someone on, it’s another to assist with the heavy lifting. That’s what it is about them that just GETS to me; they have found in each other something they denied themselves. Shinae built her walls tall, so afraid of being hurt again, and lied to herself about not craving that companionship. Nol forged fake friendships because he didn’t think he deserved real ones. In each other they have found someone who unconditionally accepts who they are, who pushes them to be better, who has their backs. It’s hard not to ship that!

All I ever hoped of this night was that Nol would go back to his friends, that they’d find a way to make up - or begin to make up - and now look what we’ve got! And we’re left with Shinae discovering that this whole arduous terrible night was his birthday! RIGHT after he pointedly evade it, too. There’s been so many opportunities for him to tell her - she invited him to the very party! lol like!!!! To discover his birthdate as he pointedly avoided answering to the nurse - is she going to call him out on it? I think given everything she’s learned, she’ll probably understand why it was something he didn’t share, that it was part of the secrets he carried but I still want to see what she does with this knowledge. Because it’s not the fact that he never divulged it but rather the fact that a. he’s still hiding things which is much more likely because b. he has endured the absolute worst shit on this very night. On his birthday. No one told him Happy Birthday - instead he just nearly died. ;________; Isn’t that so fucking SAD?!

In very different ways, Shinae and Nol have both had the same goal in mind: to make each other happy. Just like earlier in the night she offered to help him relive one of his last, happy moments about Christmas, I’m sure she will once again offer to give him at least one happy memory about this birthday. Something worth celebrating, if it’s only that he’s alive and loved and that people care about him and he is worthy of his love. ;~;

IDK i feel very incoherent at this point so I think I’m going to end it here lol JUST KNOW THAT I HAVE SO VERY MANY FEELINGS that I have been rereading these episodes in awe of the tenderness and the intimacy. I’m such a fan of Nol and Shinae’s Stolen Moments of Calm aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

#I Love Yoo #ILY Spoilers #ILY FP #ILY Brainrot #Stalkyoo #Shinae Yoo #Nol #Nolan Oliver T. Lochain #Aegi #I ADMIT IT at the end I went into some shippy tangents #I WILL NOT DENY MYSELF THE JOY AND THE PLEASURE OKAY #genuinely i have LOVED this whole arc from the very beginning of the company party to where we are now #all of the tension that has built and cultiminated #Nol going through his edgy little fit #the confessions and make ups #the comedy interspersing the intensity #the episodes leading to these were SO INTENSE just choking with intensity #and here we have one of my favorite ILY features #Nol and Shinae's Stolen Pockets of Calm #I LOVE THEM OKAY #i have talked SO MUCH about how their friendship forms in the shadows out of the direct eyesight of others #so much of the way they've come to know each other has been divulged in the shadows in the dark in moments stolen in the night #in harrowing experiences #in shared experiences #in those rare moments of calm #it's the way he taught her to be a friend and she used that experience on him and he didn't even expect it #it's the way he tried his best to cut ties and he failed so miserably #it's the way that after everything he cannot stop her from caring. she's unstoppable #and why would he want her to be anything but?#AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH PLSSSSSSSSS I JUST AM AWASH WITH FEELINGS OKAY ;A;

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eureka-its-zico · 1 year ago

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I dropped EVERYTHING that I was doing to read the new Chapter for Chaos in Their Bones and sheeeeeeesh... The tension between Doc and Zoro is heavy, whew!

I love the interactions between Doc and Nami and I am looking forward to see how their friendship progresses. This bit in particular launched me out of this world:

Did he just wink at you? “What’s wrong with your face?” “I think he just does that.” Nami cut in sending your eyes to travel to where she sat inside the booth. “It’s like an involuntary tick or something.” “Oh. Explains a lot.”

I can imagine such a deadpan delivery with this lmao "How to avoid being hit on 101" 😂 Be absolutely blunt, emotionless and take the piss out of someone (psa: do this carefully, know that it will not escalate!)

It was a treat to read how Doc offered to help with Zeff's prosthetic. Sanji afterwards though 😂 Man's such a flirt, I can't. I know for a fact that would not work on me, but fair play to you Sanji, shoot your shot 😂

Also, that Zoro POV?? Excuse me? I am gasping here because you write him so WELL! And the fact that he has this inner battle and you execute it so flawlessly? I know for a fact how hard it is when you have some sort of a battle inside you, whether it's choices or something like Zoro has right now. To write it out so that it keeps you on edge, so that it grows, there's enough pieces in the story before ultimately something happens - that takes skill. And you... You have amazing skill!

I have to admit though, with each new chapter I feel lonely and depressingly single😂 I would like something like this, please? Hello? 😂 Where's my irl Zoro? 👀 (looking at you, Universe??)

In all seriousness, every chapter that you have shared with us so far has been such a pleasure to read and I will continue to patiently wait for the next chapters. I love seeing how you incorporate Doc into the story and Doc fits in so well, to the point that Doc should be part of OPLA 🤷‍♀️

On a personal note, I am sorry to hear that your surgery did not go as planned. I will keep my fingers crossed that sometime soon you will have a better option which will help you ❤ Sending you all the love and hugs and support that you need ❤❤❤ You deserve all the best things! ❤

Also, I finished Baldur's Gate the other day and I started another playthrough today! It's a really good game! Also, it is long so prepare for that! Enjoy it though! I will look forward to hear what you think of it once you play more and see more of the story!! (I had to wait a week for a friend to play to a point that had a twist and it was hard not to freak out about it as I didn't want to spoil it for them! 😂)

I am curious to hear if you already have a favourite character? Have you encountered a character that you don't like?? Tell me everything 😂

My week has been alright, certainly better bit by bit. I'm still a bit on the meh side however, I think I'm getting to a point where I can get motivated to concentrate on things for me and ignore the things that are not in my control. It's been a strange year so far for me and I honestly think I am burnt out where I would need a really long holiday to recover. Unfortunately, I cannot afford that because bills and I have two carpet sharks to look after so I will recover how I know best: consuming fics, dabbling in writing myself, video games and... programming 😂

To finish off, I will go back to once again say that the new chapter for Chaos in Their Bones was beautiful. I have a lot of other parts that I would put here (that whole Zoro POV, I am still struggling to think, it was GLORIOUS), Doc helping Zeff, also both parts with Nami were just beautifully written (we need a friend like Nami) and then that end?? What will happen next?! I have so many questions and so many emotions and thank you for sharing this story with us ❤❤

-🧀

P.S. Also, the part where Zoro smacks Doc with the handle of the sword? I am SCREAMING. When they do get together it will be wild.

OHMAGAWD WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS SO NICE TO ME?!? I’m so overwhelmed by this!

Every time I open one of your wonderful asks this is literally how I feel! You are so KIND to me and my story! Seriously, saying I have amazing skill? Please. MY HEART 😩😩 I struggled with that scene because, realistically, Zoro is very much stuck on his dream of being the words greatest swordsman. I feel like anything that might shift his focus becomes such a big deal for him and he just looks like he is internalizing a back and forth of shouldn’t he or should he.

It is super important for me to make sure that all of the characters are included. When you say it feels like doc should be in OPLA PLEASE I AM SCREAAAAAMING. I literally try and write this story as if Doc could be taken and put inside One Piece. The fact you said that to me has me dying in pure happiness, I swear lol.

You just finished Baldur’s Gate 3 and I just started lol. I’m only like 8 hrs in, I think? It has the same gaming mechanic of Dragon Age and Mass Effect where whatever choices you make your party either likes or dislikes and that gives me so much damn anxiety I HATE it 🤣🤣 like please don’t do me like this. Karlach is my current fav so far. She’s so soft and freakin’ sweet and I just want to protect her 6 foot tall self. Astarion is a sassy bitch and I’m still up in the air about him. Who was your favorite?? Lol

I feel you on needing a vacation, but life in the form of bills refuses to let such pleasantries happen. BUT I do hope you at least get a day or two to relax how you see fit. Even a day of enjoying a good book or video game or whatever makes you happiest is good for the soul.

As always, thank you’d let being the absolute sweetest! I hope your week is treating you well and that your electronics are behaving 🤣 much love 🖤🖤

#thecheesyreader #answered #I hope this makes sense to you at all #my brain is slowly going into shut down mode which just means low computing #probably also because I’m doing homework and I hate that lol #Chaos in Their Bones review #opla

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pesterloglog · 1 year ago

Text

John Egbert, Jade Harley, Karkat Vantas

Act 4, page 1525

ghostyTrickster [GT] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG]

GT: hey, happy birthday jade!

GG: yay thank you john!!!!! :D

GT: whew ok, i got your present in the mail JUST on time.

GT: plus i sent rose's and dave's too.

GT: why do your guys'es birthdays got to be all bunched together like that??? you are running me ragged!

GG: heheh i know but it is nice of you to think of us all like that!

GT: i can't wait for you to see what i got you. i don't want to spoil it or anything but hopefully it will help you solve those problems you've been having lately.

GT: MYSTERIOUS WINK ;)

GG: im sure it is great, i cant wait either!!!!!

GG: it might take a while to get here from there but it will be worth the wait!

GT: oh man.

GT: i am such an idiot, i forgot about how long it takes you to get stuff.

GT: ARGH.

GG: john thats ok really! im sure will get to me exactly when it needs to and it will be a nice surprise when it does!

GT: ok well i hope so.

GG: <3......

GG: uhhhh hold on

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling gardenGnostic [GG]

CG: WAIT GOD DAMMIT DON'T BLOCK ME.

CG: I MEAN NOT THAT BLOCKING ME WOULD DO ANYTHING.

CG: BUT JUST LISTEN.

GG: what do you want?????

CG: I JUST HAVE TO DELIVER A MESSAGE AND THEN I'LL GO.

CG: IT IS A MESSAGE FROM YOU, SO YOU PROBABLY OUGHT TO LISTEN.

GG: this is nonsense

GG: every time i believe something you say you laugh at me and call me a gullible human!!!!

GG: its so childish

CG: OK FINE I ADMIT IT, I COMPLETELY SHIT THE BED HERE.

CG: I GET THAT.

CG: AND I CAN'T PROMISE I WON'T KEEP TROLLING YOU.

CG: CAUSE I WILL, IN WEEKS OR MONTHS OR WHATEVER.

CG: I'LL KEEP GIVING YOU A HARD TIME, BUT SEE THAT WON'T BE PRESENT ME.

CG: THAT'S PAST ME.

CG: FROM LIKE A HALF HOUR AGO OR SO, WHEN I WAS MORE HOT AND BOTHERED ABOUT ALL THIS, OK?

GG: D:

GG: i dont know what youre talking about at all.....

GG: its another prank

CG: WHATEVER, FINE, THINK IT'S A PRANK.

CG: AS LONG AS YOU REMEMBER THIS CONVERSATION.

CG: SEE WE'RE TRYING TO TALK TO YOU IN THE FUTURE, AND IT'S IMPORTANT, BUT YOU WON'T ANSWER US.

CG: SO WE TALKED TO YOU WAAAY IN THE FUTURE TO ASK HOW TO GET IN TOUCH WITH NOT-SO-FUTURE YOU.

CG: ARE YOU FOLLOWING?

GG: no

CG: SHE SAID TO TALK TO YOU NOW AND TELL YOU THIS.

CG: YOU KNOW YOUR ROBOT?

GG: you mean the robot you think is stupid?

GG: the one youve mocked me for having on a number of occasions???

CG: YEAH, WELL I STILL DO THINK YOUR ROBOT IS STUPID.

CG: BUT THAT'S BESIDES THE POINT.

CG: LATER ON IT WILL BLOW UP FOR SOME REASON. IT DOESN'T MATTER WHY.

GG: this is the worst prank youve ever pulled!!!!!!

CG: QUIET.

CG: ANYWAY, WHEN IT HAPPENS YOU WON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

CG: THE THING TO DO IS TO CONTACT US.

CG: AND WE'LL TELL YOU WHAT TO DO.

GG: why should i do that?

CG: BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT YOU TOLD US TO TELL YOU.

CG: WHATEVER, BELIEVE ME, DON'T BELIEVE ME, I DID MY JOB.

CG: I'M OUT OF HERE.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling gardenGnostic [GG]

GG: ok im back sorry

GG: i had to tell someone to go away!

GT: oh god.

GT: the trolls again?

GG: yup :o

GT: they have been such a pain in the ass lately.

GT: it seems like there are so many.

GT: there are either like fifty of these retards or it's one guy with a lot of alt accounts.

GG: ive never had any sort of feeling about them or what they want which is kind of weird!!!

GG: but it seems to me like they are probably all different people and not one guy

GG: i have counted twelve

GT: what do they want with us!!!

GG: some people just like to needle others for some reason john

GG: it is like a game i guess. they are like pranksters!!

GT: oh hell no, shittiest pranksters ever.

GG: but i think they are mostly harmless

GG: every so often they manage to get through my block filter and hassle me. its been going on for years! actually some of them are kind of funny i think hehe

GT: oh wow, what? years??

GT: ok, well i am sick of them.

GT: i've been thinking of changing my pesterchum handle to throw them off.

GT: so...

GT: i guess i'm gonna do that.

#homestuck #john egbert #jade harley #karkat vantas #homestuck act 4 #page 1525

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snowbellewells · 2 months ago

Text

@kmomof4 I have to admit that I already read this chapter once - back when you posted on Wednesday, I just couldn’t wait! Unfortunately, I have been continually swamped at work lately and didn’t get to review. But what a wonderful update this was: touching, and tear-inducing, heartwarming, steamy, ALL THE EMOTIONS at various points!! So well done!! I really can’t state how much I LOVE this story and you for writing it for me!! 🥰😍🥰

I feel with each new chapter that I don’t know how to sing its praises enough, but I am going to try to hit on the many parts I liked all the same. I was giggling at the way Ava and Nicholas picked and pestered at each other and exasperated Graham and how - of course! - the Jones arrived right when they all ended up in a pile on the floor (not exactly the impression he wanted to make.)

Naturally, Ruby’s hoping for true connection and real love is going to clash with how Graham is more than anything wanting a good mother and sees how great she is with the twins. I do think there is more there between them than the chemistry and her skill with his kids, but Alice is very astute that Ruby is going to have to be patient and give it time. You can almost see the frustration and disappointment Ruby is probably going to have first.

Speaking of Alice Jones, I simply adored the scene between she and her daughter just after the wedding ceremony. It was so lovely!! 🥰 She really does know and value each of her children- and she understands them. That’s clear in this private moment here with her daughter. I adored seeing that (and it was very reminiscent of what we know of Violet Bridgerton too.) So touching as well, seeing Ruby’s realization that she will really be leaving home and how much she will miss her mother and all the rest of them now that she will have a husband, children, and a home of her own.

I also cannot leave out the glimpse into Ruby’s tender heart in her conversation with Graham before the ceremony - about always being too much, saying too much, and the many other things she had held in her heart. That she hadn’t shared them with anyone, not even her best friend, just goes to show the caring and connection between she and Graham has the potential to grow and deepen as she would hope. They will just need time. And I melted at his assuring her would be alright - I could absolutely see the sweet acceptance in it.

Of course - the whole section with their wedding night - wow!! 🤯🔥❤️ My goodness -even the lead up to it was so beautiful and heartfelt and just smoking!!

I don’t know what it was about this little bit as they are just getting settled into their bedchamber, but I adored this. It seemed so absolutely the Graham I see in my mind’s eye - PERFECTION!! 😍😍😍 “He cleared his throat and tugged at his cravat, in a move that had become so dear to her in the last few days. He was never as comfortable in formal attire as he was in his work clothes. It was quite strange that she’d married a man with a vocation. A calling, a purpose in his life. So different from other men of the ton. She liked it. She liked him.”

And then, when Ruby (and we) finally learned exactly what his father had done to him… my goodness!! I wanted to cry and tear his father apart both! I could completely understand Ruby’s anger at learning the cruelty he had survived. It explains so much, and it just broke my heart for him all over again. I wanted to gather him up and just hold him and soothe that pain away. I am very glad Ruby was there to finally allow him to let out that secret weight - even if he hadn’t intended to do it.

Okay, and then, once I (sort of) got my emotion under control again from that… there was the love scene. WHEW!! 😅🥵🔥 I just don’t hardly know how to get into it other than say it was beautiful and amazing and perfect for the two of them. 😍😍😍

Also, I feel like this little gif of the sweet scene from the old movie Casper kinda captures Graham’s reaction as he first sees Ruby with her hair down and they’re about to begin their first night together:

💕💕💕

To Sir Graham, With Love Ch. 7

And we are back!!! It is time for Ruby's family to meet Graham's children... and to get a wedding scheduled!! Thank you all for coming along on this journey with me! I hope you enjoy this chapter and let me know what you think!

We don't actually see the wedding, but we do have the wedding night in this chapter, so the smut is again bracketed off by a double scene change line like in the last chapter. But that said, there are some very important happenings between Graham and Ruby in the middle of the scene, that I don't think you should miss. So if you are skipping the actual smut, stop reading at the first double scene change line...

~*~*~

then resume reading when they are repeated (this is the important scene I don't want you to miss), then stop again when they are repeated again. I hope that all makes sense. If it doesn't, please feel free to message me.

Once again, all the love and long distance internet hugs to @jrob64 @whimsicallyenchantedrose and @motherkatereloyshipper for their betaing expertise and gorgeous artwork, respectively!!

And also, happy birthday to @snowbellewells for whom this fic was written!!

Summary:

After a year long secret correspondence, twenty-eight year old spinster Ruby Jones decides to accept Sir Graham Humbert's offer of a visit to see if they might suit for marriage. Unfortunately, he failed to mention that he was the father of twins, and they are not thrilled with Ruby's appearance.

Rating: M (smut and mentions of physical abuse, both in this chapter)

Words: 7500 of 68k

Tags: Red Hunter Fic, Birthday Fic, Inspired by Eloise Bridgerton's Story, Smut

On ao3 From Beginning / Current Chapter

On Tumblr Prologue Ch1 Ch2 Ch3 Ch4 Ch5 Ch6

Tagging the usuals. Please let me know if you'd like to be added or removed.

@jrob64 @winterbaby89 @hollyethecurious @the-darkdragonfly @jennjenn615

@donteattheappleshook @undercaffinatednightmare @pirateherokillian @cocohook38 @qualitycoffeethings

@booksteaandtoomuchtv @superchocovian @motherkatereloyshipper @snowbellewells @djlbg

@lfh1226-linda @xarandomdreamx @tiganasummertree @bluewildcatfanatic @anmylica

@laianely @resident-of-storybrooke @exhaustedpirate @gingerchangeling @caught-in-the-filter

@ultraluckycatnd @stahlop @darkshadow7 @fleurdepetite @captainswan-kellie

@soniccat @beckettj @teamhook @whimsicallyenchantedrose @thisonesatellite

@jonesfandomfanatic @elfiola @zaharadessert @ilovemesomekillianjones @mie779

@kymbersmith-90 @suwya @veryverynotgoodwrites @myfearless-love

Under the cut, unless Tumblr ate it.

I grant that Mr. Wilson’s face does have a certain amphibious quality, but I do wish you would learn to be a bit more circumspect in your speech. While I would never consider him an acceptable candidate for marriage, he is certainly not a toad, and it ill-behooved me to have my younger sister call him thus, and in his presence.

– from Ruby Jones to her sister Tilly, after refusing her fourth offer of marriage

~*~*~*~*~*~

The next day, Ruby, Liam, Killian, and Emma traveled to Romney Hall for lunch. David and Henry had returned to London, deciding their elder brothers had the situation well in hand and no longer needed their presence. Ruby was glad of their departure, if she was honest. She loved all of her brothers dearly, but to be subjected to the four of them all at once was quite more than anyone should be expected to endure.

She was feeling quite happy and optimistic as she stepped down from the carriage. Yesterday had gone far better than she expected. Even if Graham hadn’t taken her into Emma’s office to prove to her that THEY’D SUIT (she’d never be able to think those words again without seeing them in all capital letters in her mind's eye), he’d gone on to prove himself against all four of her brothers in the shooting match. She was reluctant to admit, even to herself, that she’d never be able to marry a man who wasn’t equal to the four Jones men, and Graham had acquitted himself admirably, leaving Ruby very proud of him.

She still had reservations about the marriage itself - the fact that they didn’t love one another would tend to do that - but they at least did share respect, affection, and passion. That last thought brought a blush to Ruby’s cheeks. It may not be a firm foundation for a marriage, but she thought, a wicked smile curving her lips, it certainly didn’t hurt.

He would make a fine husband, she was absolutely sure. And she could only hope that time would bring her the love match she so longed for.

~*~*~

Graham glanced at the clock on the mantle for about the fifteenth time in as many minutes. The Joneses were due at half noon, and it was now thirty-five past the hour. Not that five minutes was terribly tardy, but it was so hard to keep Nicholas and Ava neat and presentable as they waited with him in the drawing room for their guests.

“I hate this jacket,” Nicholas complained, tugging on the too short sleeve.

“It’s too small,” Ava commented, matter-of-factly.

“Of course, it’s too small,” Nicholas shot right back. “That’s why I was complaining. Your dress is too small too,” he observed. “I can see your ankles.”

Ava turned alarmed eyes to her father. “You’re supposed to be able to see my ankles,” she gasped.

“Not so much of them,” Nicholas huffed.

“You’re eight,” Graham said in what he hoped was a soothing voice. “Your dress is perfectly suitable.” At least, he hoped it was. He knew blessed little about such things. But Ruby would know. She would know and she would handle all the things involved in the raising of children. She would know when girls should start wearing their hair up and whether boys should attend Harrow or Eton. Thank God.

“I think they’re late,” Nicholas announced.

“They’re not late,” Graham replied without thinking.

“Yes, they are,” his son insisted. “I can read the clock, you know.”

He didn’t know, and Graham sighed at that knowledge. It was rather like the swimming thing.

Ruby, he reminded himself. No matter his failings as a father, he was convinced that he was now doing the exact right thing for his children, marrying Ruby. The sense of relief at that knowledge could not be overstated.

Ruby.

She couldn’t get here soon enough. He sighed. Who was he kidding? He couldn’t marry her soon enough. How did one go about getting a special license anyway? Surely Liam would know. Weren’t weddings supposed to take place on Saturdays? That was only two days away, but if they could get that special license…

Graham blessed his quick reflexes when Nicholas made a dart for the door and Graham grabbed him by the collar before he could go two steps.

“No,” he admonished his son. “You will wait here for Miss Jones and our other guests. You will do it without incident and with a smile on your face. Do I make myself clear?”

The twins were silent as he stared them down, but Nicholas at least made an attempt to smile, though the results were somewhat lacking.

“That’s not a smile,” Ava informed him.

“Yes, it is.”

“No, it isn’t. Your lips didn’t even curve up at all,” she said, demonstrating by using her fingers to push up the corners of her own lips.

Graham sighed. Saturday couldn’t come soon enough. He’d speak to Liam this afternoon about the special license. He could turn the twins over to Ruby during the day, and she could turn herself over to him at night, he thought, a true smile touching his lips.

“Why are you smiling?” Ava asked.

“I’m not smiling,” he protested automatically. The words were barely out of his mouth when he could feel himself - dear God - he was blushing.

“Yes, you are,” she argued. “And now your cheeks are pink. Aren’t Father’s cheeks pink, Nicholas?”

“Your cheeks are pink, Father,” Nicholas agreed.

Graham blew out a short breath and glanced at the clock again. At that moment, Ava swung her legs from where she sat on the sofa and knocked over an ottoman.

“Oops,” she said, jumping down to right it. “Nicholas!” she howled from her place on the floor where she’d fallen when her brother had pushed her. “He pushed me!”

“Did not!”

“Did too!”

“Did…”

“Well someone pushed her,” Graham interrupted, glaring at Nicholas, “and I’m certain it was not me.”

Nicholas pressed his lips into a thin line as he cut his eyes to his father and then his sister. He obviously hadn’t considered that being one of only three people in the room, his culpability would be rather obvious.

“Very well,” he admitted. “I pushed her. I’m sorry.”

Graham was stunned speechless. It was the first time he’d ever heard an unsolicited apology from one of his children for any kind of infraction.

“You can push me back,” Nicholas offered.

Oh no. No, no. Very bad, Graham thought. Very bad, indeed.

“Ok!” Ava agreed brightly. Graham couldn’t get to them in time. It was only a moment later that Nicholas was toppled over the back of an ottoman and Ava was squealing with delight while Nicholas howled in indignation.

Visions of the drawing room completely destroyed raced through Graham’s mind as he grabbed Nicholas by the collar and hauled him to his feet.

“She pushed me!”

“Because you told her she could, you miserable little wretch!” Graham shouted. Nicholas darted away from him after his sister, and Graham caught him just as he caught Ava, bringing them all to the floor with a crash of the mantle clock and two cushions off the sofa as well. How they’d managed to bring down the clock, he’d never know.

“Nicholas did it,” Ava accused.

“I don’t care who did it,” Graham said, standing up and dusting himself off. “You know that Miss Jones is due any moment…”

“Ahem.”

Graham shut his eyes and sighed before turning slowly around - dismayed, but not surprised - to find Ruby, Liam, Killian, and Emma standing in the doorway.

“My lord,” he grit out. He was too curt, not the gracious host he meant to be in the least, but he couldn’t help himself. He was too frustrated with his children to be otherwise.

“Are we interrupting?” Liam asked mildly.

“No, not at all,” Graham rushed to reassure them. “As you can see, we’re simply, ahhh… rearranging the furniture.”

“And doing an excellent job of it,” Emma said, brightly with a gentle smile for the twins. She seemed the sort to always be trying to make everyone around her at ease and right now, Graham could have kissed her for it.

He rose, righting the overturned ottoman as he did, and motioned his children to stand to their feet. Nicholas’ cravat was completely undone, and Ava’s hair clip hung loosely by her ear.

Once they were both facing their guests, Graham spoke with as much dignity as he could muster. “My lord, may I present my children, Nicholas and Ava Humbert.”

The children murmured their greetings, looking as uncomfortable as Graham felt. Perhaps they were ashamed of their abominable behavior, as unlikely as that seemed, but Graham couldn’t help but hope.

Once they’d fallen silent, Graham patted them on the shoulders. “Very good, children,” he praised. “You may run along now.”

They turned to him with matching forlorn expressions. “Can’t we stay?” Ava asked in a small voice.

“No,” Graham said immediately, and forcefully. He’d invited the Joneses for lunch and a tour of the greenhouse, and if the day was to be a success, the children couldn’t be anywhere near.

“Please?” Nicholas pleaded.

Graham was very conscious of his guests witnessing his woeful lack of control over his own children, so he was careful to avoid their gazes. “Nurse Ratched is waiting for you in the hall.”

“But we don’t like Nurse Ratched,” Nicholas said, Ava nodding in agreement next to him.

“What are you talking about?” Graham asked impatiently. “Of course you do. She’s been your nurse for months.”

“But we don’t like her,” Nicholas insisted.

Graham sighed, and looked over at the Joneses. “Please excuse the interruption,” he said.

“It’s no bother, truly,” Emma said with a gentle, maternal smile.

Graham guided the children to the far corner of the room, crossed his arms, and stared down sternly at them.

“I have asked Miss Jones to be my wife,” he said. Their eyes lit up. “Good,” he continued before either of them could get a word in edgewise. “I see you agree with my action.”

“Will she…”

“Don’t interrupt me,” he said sternly. “Now listen. I have asked Miss Jones to be my wife, but I still have to win the approval of her family, and I can’t do that with you two underfoot.” It didn’t really signify that Liam had all but ordered the wedding and approval was no longer an issue. Entertaining his guests with the children around was a futile endeavor.

Ava’s chin trembled, tears shining in the corner of her eyes. “Are you ashamed of us?”

Graham raised his eyes to heaven wondering just how it had come to this.

“May I be of assistance?” The voice of his savior reached him and Graham turned toward where she stood right behind him, grateful acceptance in his eyes. He watched as she kneeled down and spoke gently to them. Her voice was too low to discern her words, but the tone was unmistakable.

Nicholas said something in protest, but Ruby cut him off, still gently, but firmly. It was only a moment later when, to his great surprise, the children said their goodbyes and left the room. They didn’t look happy about it, but at least they did it.

“Thank God I’m marrying you,” Graham said under his breath as Ruby rose to her feet.

“Indeed,” she whispered, a secret smile on her face as she rejoined her family.

“I do apologize for the children’s behavior,” Graham said when he reached them right behind Ruby. “They’ve been hard to manage since their mother died.”

“There is nothing more difficult than losing a parent,” Liam said solemnly, “Please, do not feel any need to apologize on their behalf.”

Graham nodded his thanks for the understanding of the older man. “Come, let’s enjoy lunch.”

As he led them into the dining room, Nicholas and Ava’s faces loomed large in his mind. He’d seen his children stubborn, in full fledged tantrums, and insufferable, but he’d never seen them sad since their mother died. It was most troubling.

After lunch and a tour through the greenhouse, the group split in two. Killian had brought with him a sketch book, so he and Emma stayed near the house while he drew the exterior of Romney Hall. Liam, Graham and Ruby took a walk along the grounds, Liam very graciously allowing them to tarry several yards behind so they might speak in relative privacy.

“What did you say to the children?” he asked immediately.

“I don’t know actually,” she replied. “I just tried to act like my mother.” She shrugged. “It seemed to work.”

He was silent for a moment, thinking about her words. “It must be nice to have parents one can emulate.”

“You didn’t?” she asked gently.

“No.”

She waited for him to elaborate, but he didn’t.

“Was it your father or your mother?”

“I beg your pardon?”

“Which of your parents was so difficult?” she pressed.

He stared at her for a long moment, before his brows furrowed and he answered her. “My mother died at my birth.”

“I see,” she said quietly. “I’m so sorry.”

“Thank you,” he murmured. They continued along, walking slowly, wanting to make sure they remained far out of Liam’s earshot. When they turned back toward the house, Ruby stopped and asked the question that had been plaguing her mind all day.

“Why did you take me into Emma’s study yesterday?”

Graham sputtered and stammered, his cheeks turning pink at her blunt question. “I should think the answer was rather obvious.”

Ruby glared at him. “Obviously it isn’t, or I wouldn’t have asked.”

Graham stared at her for a full ten seconds before he cut his eyes to where Liam stood investigating a birch tree and then moved closer to Ruby.

“Very well, if you must know,” he began, his voice low, “I intended to kiss you to show you how well suited we are.” He shrugged. “I did not intend to get so carried away, but I’m not sorry it happened.”

“But passion is not enough to sustain a marriage,” she replied, forcefully.

He shrugged again. “It’s certainly a good start. May we please talk about something else?”

“No. What I’m trying to say…”

This time he rolled his eyes and snorted. “You’re always trying to say something.”

“It’s part of my irresistible charm,” she said peevishly.

He looked down at her, holding on tightly to his patience and temper. “Ruby, we are well suited and will enjoy a perfectly pleasant and amiable marriage. I don’t know what else I can say or do to prove it!”

“But you don’t love me,” she said quietly.

That brought him to a screeching halt. He stared at her for a long moment before speaking. “Why do you say things like that?”

She shrugged and couldn’t meet his eyes. “I don’t know. Because it’s important, I guess.”

“Did it ever occur to you that not every thought has to be given voice?” he asked after another long moment.

“Yes,” she said, a lifetime of regret - of always saying the wrong thing at the wrong time - wrapped up in that one tiny little word. “All the time. I can’t seem to help myself though.”

He stared at her, his confusion obvious. She understood completely. Her mother had always told her she’d catch more flies with honey than a sledgehammer, but Ruby had never mastered the skill of keeping her thoughts to herself.

She had all but asked Graham if he loved her, and his subsequent silence was more of an answer than no would have been. Her heart wept. She didn’t really expect him to fall in love with her so quickly, but her disappointment was proof that a tiny corner of her heart and mind had wished for exactly that.

“Did you love Jacinda?” She winced as soon as the words left her lips. There she went again, speaking before thinking about the wisdom of her words.

Graham stood before her, silent. “No,” he finally said in a low voice.

None of the expected feelings at the single word rose up within her. Not joy, that her intended hadn’t loved her predecessor, nor sadness that her cousin’s husband hadn’t loved her. She simply felt relief, which was a surprise. She wanted to know. That was all. She hated not knowing. About anything. She released the breath she hadn’t realized she was holding.

“Why did you marry her?”

His face was rather blank as he looked at her. Finally he shrugged. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “It was expected, I guess. She was to marry George.”

Ruby’s head turned so sharply, she was surprised her neck didn’t crack. “I - I didn’t know.”

Graham shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. It was a long time ago.”

Ruby nodded in understanding. It wasn’t terribly surprising. He was the type of man who’d do that - always doing what was right and honorable, apologizing for his perceived transgressions, shouldering others’ burdens… honoring his brother’s promises.

Which brought her to her final question. “Did you…” she trailed away, almost losing her nerve. “Did you feel passion for her?” Her voice wasn’t much more than a whisper, and she found herself hoping he hadn’t heard her.

“No,” he said abruptly before turning away and walking quickly toward the house. She rushed to catch up with him and ran into his solid chest when he suddenly stopped and turned back toward her. “I have a question for you.”

“Of course,” she agreed quickly. It was only fair, after all. She’d all but interrogated the poor man.

“Why did you leave London?”

Ruby blinked in surprise. She expected a much harder question than that. “To meet you, of course!”

“Balderdash.”

She blinked again, her mouth falling open at his obvious disbelief of her answer.

“That’s why you came,” he said, “not why you left.”

It had never occurred to her until this very moment that there was a difference between the two, but he was right. He’d had very little to do with why she’d left London. He’d simply made it easier for her to do so. He gave her a place to run to, which was much easier to justify rather than where she was running from.

“Did you have a lover?”

Ruby’s mouth dropped open, and her eyes widened in shock. “No!” she exclaimed, so loudly that it caught Liam’s attention, who started quickly toward them. Ruby waved him away. “Everything’s fine. I promise.”

“It’s not an unreasonable question to ask,” Graham said mildly, once Liam was back out of earshot. “You leave London in the middle of the night, like a wanted fugitive. I simply wondered if perhaps something had happened to ah… tarnish your reputation.”

He was right, of course. Not about her reputation, which was still as pure and white as snow. It did look odd. Frankly, she was surprised he hadn’t asked her sooner.

“If you did have a lover,” he continued quietly, “it wouldn’t change my intentions.”

“No,” she assured him. “It wasn’t that.” She sighed and after another moment to fortify herself, told him everything.

She told him all about the marriage proposals she’d received, and the ones Mary Margaret hadn’t, and the plans they’d jokingly made about growing old and spinsterish together. And she told him about how guilty she felt when Mary Margaret and David got married and she couldn’t get her mind off of herself and how alone she was.

She told him all that and more. She told him things in her heart, in her mind, in her soul. She told him things she’d never told another living soul, not even Mary Margaret. And for someone who couldn’t keep her mouth shut if her life depended on it, there was an awful lot inside her that she’d never shared with anyone.

And finally, when she was done - and in truth, she’d simply run out of energy and trailed away into silence - he’d taken her hand and smiled gently at her.

“It’s all right,” he said. And it was.

~*~*~

Four days later they were married. Graham had no idea how Liam managed it, but he’d obtained the special license that allowed them to be married without banns and on Monday, one week to the day since they’d met in person.

Ruby’s entire family - save her widowed sister Tink, who lived far away in Scotland and hadn’t had time to make it down for the festivities - had made the trip out to the country for the wedding. Normally, the ceremony would have taken place at the Jones country seat in Kent, or at St. George’s in London where the family regularly worshiped. But it all happened so quickly, those arrangements were impossible to make. Killian and Emma offered My Cottage as the reception place, but Ruby felt the twins would be more comfortable at Romney Hall, so they’d held the wedding at the parish chapel down the lane with the small, intimate reception on the lawn around Graham’s greenhouse.

As the sun was beginning to set, Ruby found herself in her new bedchamber with her mother who was busily tucking away the items from Ruby’s hastily gathered trousseau. She smiled, completely understanding Alice’s need to move while she talked.

“I should complain that I’m being denied my moment of glory as mother of the bride,” she said, folding Ruby’s veil and placing it in the top drawer of her bureau. “But, in truth, I’m simply happy to see you as a bride.” She turned toward Ruby, tears shining in the corner of her eyes.

Ruby released a watery chuckle of her own. “You’d rather despaired of seeing it, didn’t you?”

“Quite,” Alice agreed, then tilted her head knowingly. “But I had a feeling you might surprise us all in the end. You frequently do.”

“I’m sorry if I’ve disappointed you,” Ruby whispered.

“Never,” Alice replied, her visage exceedingly wise. “My children never disappoint me. They simply astonish me.” A knowing smile touched her lips. “I think I prefer it that way.”

Ruby threw herself into her mother’s arms. She felt awkward doing so, though not from the display of familial affection itself. Perhaps it was that she was perilously close to tears herself. But suddenly she felt as she had when she was quite young - all long limbs with gangly arms and legs and bony elbows and a mouth that was always open when it should remain closed.

And she wanted her mother.

Alice held her close, rubbing her back and making soothing sounds, as if she knew exactly the maelstrom of feelings surging in her daughter. And she probably did. Intelligence and wisdom were most definitely not the same thing, and they both very infrequently found a home within the same person. But in the case of Alice Jones, they did. And Ruby was ever so grateful.

Alice finally released her and Ruby took a step back to see her mother looking rather wistful. She ran her fingers down the side of Ruby’s face, the action so tender, it made Ruby want to weep.

“Are you certain you’ll be happy?” Alice asked, softly.

“It’s a little late for that, don’t you think?” Ruby replied, a rueful smile touching her lips.

“It may be too late to do anything about it, but not to wonder.”

“I think I’ll be happy,” Ruby said. I hope I’ll be happy, she said in her mind.

“He seems to be a nice man,” Alice said.

“He is,” Ruby agreed.

“Honorable.”

A soft smile graced Ruby’s lips. “He is that.”

Alice nodded, her own smile soft as she gazed at her daughter. “I believe you’ll be happy. It may take time.” She paused for a moment, but her smile didn’t waver. “It will take time, and you may doubt that it will come. But it will. Just remember…” she trailed away, her teeth nibbling on her lip.

“What, Mother?”

Alice didn’t answer right away, appearing to choose her words with great care. “It will take time, that’s all.” She turned toward the door and Ruby cut her eyes to the side as her mother wiped at the tear that rolled down her cheek. “You’re very impatient,” Alice continued. “You always have been. But there’s a great deal more to you and it seems that you sometimes forget that. I’m glad you never accepted a proposal from any of the men in London. You wouldn’t have been happy with any of them. Content? Maybe. But not happy. Second best was never good enough for you, Ruby, and I’m glad.” Her smile was gentle and warm. The smile of a mother saying goodbye to her daughter. “Give it time. Be gentle. Don’t push.”

Ruby wanted to say something, anything, but found she couldn’t utter a single word.

“Don’t push,” she repeated. “Be patient.”

“I…” She wanted to say I will but her words simply slipped away as she gazed at her mother, realizing something for the very first time. She was leaving. She was leaving her family. They’d still be a part of her, of course, in all the ways that mattered, but she was leaving the family of her birth and forming a new one of her own.

And as she looked at her mother, she realized just how much she loved her. Alice always seemed to know exactly what each of her children needed, which was truly remarkable with eight of them, after all. When Ruby had finally read the letter her mother had given to Liam to give to her, she hadn’t scolded or thrown accusations, either of which she was entirely entitled to do. She’d simply reminded Ruby that she would always be her daughter and that she loved her. Ruby had bawled her eyes out.

Alice Jones had never wanted for anything, but her true wealth lay in her wisdom and her love, and as Ruby watched her mother turn to the door, she realized Alice was everything she aspired to be.

And she couldn’t believe it had taken her all this time to realize it.

“I expect you and Sir Graham would like some privacy,” she observed, turning to her daughter again as a small chuckle escaped her lips. “If I don’t escort the family out, they’ll never leave.”

“I shall miss you all,” Ruby said.

“Of course you shall,” Alice replied. “And we shall miss you. But you won’t be far. You’ll be nearby for Emma when her time comes, and I’ll be making more frequent trips out here now that I have two new grandchildren to spoil,” Alice said, a satisfied smile spreading across her face.

Ruby wiped away her own tear. Alice and the rest of the family had fully accepted Ava and Nicholas into their fold without reservation. Not that she expected anything different, but it had warmed her heart in a way she had not expected. Already the twins were playing wholeheartedly with their Jones cousins and Alice had insisted they call her grandmama. They had quickly and enthusiastically agreed, especially after Alice had pulled out a whole bag of peppermint drops that she claimed must have fallen into her valaise back in London.

Ruby had already said goodbye to the rest of her family, so when her mother left, she felt she was really and truly Lady Humbert. Miss Jones would have returned to London with her family, but Lady Humbert remained here at Romney Hall, mistress of her own home and family. It suddenly occurred to her that no one in her family had had to undertake the role of parent so quickly. But she was up to the task. She had to be. She was a Jones, even if it wasn’t her surname any longer, and she could handle anything thrown at her. She was not one to sit idle and let her life pass her by or dictate her happiness. So she would have to make certain that her life was happy beyond reason.

A knock sounded at the door and a moment later Graham entered. Even from across the room, the heat in his gaze made her shiver.

“Don’t you want a maid for that?” he asked, motioning to where she was running her brush through her long locks.

“I told her to take a free evening,” she said, blushing. “It seemed the least I could do. It almost seemed like an intrusion, don’t you think?”

He cleared his throat and tugged at his cravat, in a move that had become so dear to her in the last few days. He was never as comfortable in formal attire as he was in his work clothes. It was quite strange that she’d married a man with a vocation. A calling, a purpose in his life. So different from other men of the ton. She liked it. She liked him.

“Do you need a few more minutes?” he asked.

She shook her head. She was ready.

“Thank God,” he murmured, crossing quickly to her and gathering her in his arms.

Then he was kissing her and every thought in Ruby’s head was utterly gone.

Graham supposed he should have paid more attention to his wedding, but with the wedding night so very close, he just couldn’t. Every time he looked at Ruby - in her cream colored gown that made her skin and green eyes glow, and delicate veil that trailed behind - he caught his breath and felt the tightening in his body that he had to will away while in the presence of so many.

Soon, he thought.

And then soon became now and they were alone, and she was in his arms, responding to his kiss, and he just couldn’t believe how beautiful she was as his fingers buried themselves in her long, long hair that reached nearly to her waist. He’d never seen it down, he realized, and he’d had no idea how long it was when he’d only ever seen it gathered up at the nape of her neck.

“I always wondered why women wore their hair up,” he murmured into the skin of her jaw as he peppered soft nips and kisses there. “But now I know.”

“Well,” gasped Ruby, “it is expected out there in society.”

He pulled back and smiled down into her slightly dazed countenance. “That’s not why,” he said, shaking his head. Her brow furrowed slightly and Graham placed a tender kiss on the lines in her forehead, utterly delighted in the fact that the privilege of kissing Ruby anytime and anywhere he wanted was now his. Forever and ever, Amen.

“It’s for the protection of all the other men of the ton,” he continued, a smug smirk tugging on the corner of his lips.

Ruby’s eyes widened in surprise. “I think you mean protection from all the other men of the ton,” she said.

“No,” he insisted. “Protection of. Because I’d have to kill any other man who beheld you thus.”

“Graham,” she admonished him on a whisper. But she was blushing as she said it.

“No man who saw this would be able to resist you,” he said, his fingers running through the long locks and twisting a strand around his pointer finger. “I’m quite sure of that.”

Ruby snorted inelegantly. “Many have been able to resist me over the years,” she said, the self-deprecation in her words raising his ire.

“They were all fools,” he interjected, vehemently. “And it only proves my point. This has been hidden away for years, has it not?” he asked, bringing the strand to his nose and inhaling deeply, the scent of rosewater filling his sinuses.

“Since I was sixteen,” she murmured.

“I’m glad,” he said, his face lowering toward hers again, his breath whispering against her lips. “Some London idiot would have snapped you up years ago if you’d tugged out your hairpins.”

“It’s only hair,” she whispered. Her lips trembled as his nose nuzzled hers.

“You’re right. It’s only hair,” he agreed. “Because on anyone else, I don’t believe it would be so intoxicating. It must be you, then,” he said, dropping the strand he’d held and capturing her lips with his own.

He couldn’t understand how just a simple kiss could turn his blood to fire in his veins. His tongue touched the seam of her lips and she opened to him with a low moan in the back of her throat.

He’d forgotten. He’d forgotten the sweetness of her lips. He’d kissed her several times now and each time he did, the sweetness of her mouth surprised him. It must be for the preservation of their routine, their everyday life. Because if he did remember how it felt to kiss her, to taste her, he’d never stop. Not for his work. Not to eat. Not to sleep. Hell, not to breathe.

~*~*~

He pulled back and the whimper of loss from Ruby’s lips nearly undid him. “Patience, dearest,” he whispered, turning her in his arms. The back of her gown was adorned with small silk covered buttons, from her shoulder blades to the swell of her bottom, and he began to undo them. One by one. Inch by tantalizing inch of skin revealed, until finally he reached the last one, just above the cleft. What would he give to kiss Ruby right there?

As he opened the last button, revealing the small square of skin to his sight, he couldn’t help himself. He sank to his knees and placed a tender kiss right there, making Ruby shiver. This was Ruby. Ruby. His bride. His wife. She was strong. She was passionate. She was magnificent. She was his.

He rose to his feet again and turned her back around, her gown falling to the floor and baring her to his sight. He couldn’t look at her though. Not yet. He gazed into her face, her eyes half lidded in rapture, her kiss swollen lips parted slightly as her breath stuttered in and out. He ran his hand up from her hips until his fingers grazed the side of her breast.

Capturing her lips once again, his hand firmly cupped her weight in his hand. “Graham,” she moaned against his lips, and his heart tripped at the thought that this had all come to pass.

Both his hands cupped the fullness of her breasts as his mouth devoured hers. It was only then that he felt the lightest of brushes of her fingers along his shoulders as she reached for him, drawing him closer to her warmth. His own arms reached around her and pulled her close, until she was lined up with him from her shoulders to her feet.

The emotion within him surged and his eyes filled with tears. Tears of disbelief and tears of joy. He had to see her. The sun hadn’t yet set outside and the golden rays flooded their bedchamber, bathing Ruby in a glow that dazzled his sight. How he’d gotten so lucky, he’d never know, but he vowed then and there to never take it for granted and to simply enjoy the fact that he was the most blessed man alive.

~*~*~

He pulled back from her again and began working his own buttons, watching Ruby watch him, her eyes growing wider as more of his skin was revealed. Once his shirt was opened, he turned around and removed the garment, only to spin quickly back to face her when he heard her gasp.

He’d forgotten. He’d completely forgotten to keep his back away from her sight.

“What happened?” Her voice was low and trembling, though from terror or disgust, he couldn’t tell. But she was his wife, and while he could avoid the vivid reminders of his childhood, she couldn’t.

“I was whipped,” he said quietly.

Her eyes narrowed and Graham realized that not only was her voice trembling, her limbs were as well, and not from his lovemaking.

She was enraged.

“Who did this to you?”

“My father.” Such a simple phrase that encompassed so much. He remembered well the day. He took a deep shuddering breath as the memories washed over him. He’d been twelve and home from school when his father had requested that he join him on a hunt. Graham hadn’t been gone so long that he’d forgotten that Thomas Humbert didn’t request anything. Graham was a good horseman, but not good enough for the jump his father had taken ahead of him. He’d tried to make the jump as well, knowing he’d be branded a coward for not making the attempt.

He’d fallen, of course. Been thrown really. He’d walked away without injury, miraculously, but his father had been livid. His vision of English manhood did not include tumbles from horseback. His sons would ride and shoot and fence and box and excel and excel and excel.

And God help them if they did not.

George had made the jump. He was two years Graham’s elder. Two years taller, two years stronger. He’d tried to intervene when Thomas had turned the whip on his younger son, but he’d only been beaten as well for his trouble. Graham needed to learn how to be a man, Thomas had growled, and no one would be permitted to interfere with his deserved punishment. Not even George.

Graham wasn’t sure what was different about that day. Thomas had seemed angrier than usual and while he normally used his belt, which didn’t leave marks, this day he grabbed the whip. And even when Graham’s shirt shredded under the beating, his father still hadn’t stopped.

It was the only time his father’s beatings had left a physical scar. And Graham was stuck with the reminder for the rest of his life.

“I’m sorry,” he said. He hadn’t meant for her to see them. He hadn’t wanted to expose himself to her this way, bringing her into the horror of his childhood.

“I’m not,” she said. Graham’s eyes widened in surprise. “I’m furious.”

God help him - because he certainly couldn’t help himself - he burst out laughing. Here was his beautiful, magnificent, naked wife, trembling in fury, looking like she was ready to march right down to hell to take out her own retribution against Thomas Humbert for his crimes against his son.

She startled slightly at his mirth, but then she smiled too, recognizing the importance of the moment. Graham continued smiling at her, the memory of his father and that day slipping away. He grabbed her hand and placed it over his heart.

“So strong,” she murmured, her gaze and fingers tracing the lines of his shoulders, arms, and chest, approval plain in her tone. “I had no idea it was so difficult, working in the greenhouse.”

He positively preened under her compliment. “I do work outside too, you know,” he said, quite unable to just thank her for the compliment.

“With the laborers?” she asked, looking up at him from underneath her lashes.

Graham’s brows raised in amusement. “Ruby Jones…”

“Humbert,” she interrupted.

He couldn’t hide the surge of pleasure inside him at the reminder. “Ruby Humbert,” he agreed softly. “Have you been harboring secret fantasies about the laborers?”

The indignant look on her face made him chuckle. “Of course not! Although…” she trailed away, looking a little sheepish.

“Although,” he prompted.

“They do look awfully elemental, toiling out there under the hot sun.”

Graham smiled. Slowly, like a man about to feast upon a banquet of all his favorite foods.

“Oh, Ruby,” he said, his lips meeting the skin of her neck and trailing down, down, down until he reached the curve of her breast. “You have no idea of elemental. No idea at all.”

~*~*~

Then he did what he’d been dreaming of. Well, one of the things he’d been dreaming of. He licked her nipple then blew on it before sucking it into the warm cavern of his mouth.

“Graham!” she shrieked.

He swept her into his arms and carried her over to the bed, already turned down for the newlyweds. He laid her upon the sheets and stood back to just look at her. He was pleased that she didn’t try to cover herself from his sight and he just stood soaking in her beauty before his trembling hands began to work on his pants.

“Let me,” she whispered, her eyes glowing. Graham caught his breath and nodded, laying down beside her. She reached for him, but before she could undo the fasteners on his pants, he ran his fingers along the silk of her stockings, the last garment she wore. He slid the first down her leg, delighted when a laugh burst from her when his fingers grazed the back of her knee.

“Ticklish?” he asked, and she nodded shyly, finally undoing his trousers. They both rid themselves of the other’s clothing until they were fully naked and facing one another on the bed.

His fingers trailed gently down her cheek and cupped her chin, bringing her lips to his.

“There’s nothing to be afraid of,” he assured her.

“I’m not afraid,” she murmured, her breath brushing over his lips.

He drew back, just a little surprised at her words. “You’re not?”

She shook her head. “Nervous? Yes. But not afraid.”

Graham chuckled. “You are magnificent, Ruby. Do you know that?”

Ruby shrugged, a sly smile on her face. “I keep telling everyone that, but you’re the only one who seems to believe me.”

He really laughed that time and he realized what a gift that was. Twice since he’d entered the bedchamber, she’d made him laugh. Who would have thought that he’d be here, on his wedding night, laughing with his bride. Certainly not him.

He kissed her hard and then began his lovemaking in earnest, exploring Ruby from her head to her feet. He kissed, and he nipped, and he licked, and he touched, finding all the places that made her gasp and moan in pleasure. He was as hard as he’d ever been in his life, but this was Ruby’s first time enjoying the physical intimacy of married love and he was more concerned about introducing this joy and wonder of discovery between them than satisfying his own needs.

He finally touched her between her legs, and Ruby released a trembling sigh from above him. He looked up at her and found her looking down at him, her eyes glazed, her mouth open slightly. She focused on him and Graham grinned at her, dipping his finger inside her and then popping the digit in his mouth to taste her essence.

“Delicious,” he murmured.

“Graham?” she asked, almost in a whisper. “How much is it going to hurt?”

Her question startled him and he quickly schooled his features.

“I don’t know,” he said. “I hope not too much.”

She nodded. “I keep…” Her words trailed off and Graham waited patiently for her to finish.

“Tell me,” he urged, when she remained silent.

“I keep getting swept away,” she said haltingly, “but then I’ll see you, or feel you, and I just can’t imagine how that is going to fit inside me, and I’ll lose it. The magic,” she explained. “I keep losing the magic.”

Graham’s lips curved into a wicked smile. “Let me give you the magic,” he said. “Stay right there. Don’t move.” He kissed her hard and then moved down her body to the one place his lips had avoided so far. He spread her legs wide and kissed her.

Ruby screamed.

“Very good,” Graham breathed into her center. He held her still, his hands holding her hips firmly. He had no choice, for she was writhing and squirming like a wild woman as he tasted and explored every fold, every crevice of her womanhood. He was voracious and he devoured her, thinking that this had to be the very best thing he’d ever done in his entire life and he was able to do this every day for the rest of his life.

He’d heard other men talk about it, of course, but he’d had no idea it was this good. He was terrifyingly close to losing himself and she hadn’t even touched him. It was a good thing too. The way she was gripping the sheets, she’d be liable to tear him apart.

Ruby stiffened above him, crying out her ecstasy, and a surge of sweetness exploded on his tongue. He couldn’t enjoy everything she gave him because his own needs took over and he could hold back no longer. He tried to go slowly, for her sake, but when she lifted her hips to meet him - her fingers digging into his shoulders in wild demand, his name a prayer on her lips - he surged forward into her depths all the way to the hilt.

He checked her face for any sign of pain but he saw none as he began to pump a steady rhythm into her. He was rougher than he wanted to be, but it had been so long and he needed her so much, he just couldn’t help himself. She seemed to enjoy it though, meeting him thrust for thrust.

And when she moaned, it wasn’t his name. It was More.

He slipped his hands underneath her bottom and lifted her toward him. Just that slight change in angle, pushed her over the edge again and the tight sheath of her squeezing him had him spilling himself inside her with a roar of her name, claiming her finally and indelibly as his own.

~*~*~

Thank you for reading and sharing! I'd love to hear what you think! Next ch will be up Friday night before I go to bed.

#to sir graham with love #chapter seven #krystal writes #art by motherkatereloyshipper #red hunter fic #OuaT au ff #Bridgerton au fic #major OuaT fic rec 🐺❤️🐺#such a talented shipmate 💕⚓️💕

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lollipopwrites · 3 years ago

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hidden feelings ~ tristan d., jess m.

hello :) soooo the cynical bitch in me likes to write love triangles when i'm feeling bad about being single bc at least i'm not torn between lovers... silver lining, guys! so this fic is like an angsty sort of love triangle situation - it's more of a struggle on y/n's part about trying to figure out her feelings for jess and tristan rather than them fighter over her. and it kind of ends in a frustrating place. i wasn't sure if people would like it so i left it in a really vague spot. if you like it and want a part two just let me know! enjoy it and have a good day!

pairing: tristan dugray x fem!reader, jess mariano x fem!reader

genre: angst, some fluff

description: you're showing interest in a new guy in town and you expect your best friend to be supportive, but he isn't. why not?

warnings: jealousy, angst, love triangle (sort of), language, brief mentions of a hand kink (eep), public embarrassment, lots of mentions of food/eating, fighting, brief mention of alcohol, unrequited love, bickering/flirting

i found the gif on google!

~~~

Hidden Feelings

Look at his hair, you thought dreamily. It’s a really nice shade of brown. And it’s perfectly coiled. And don’t even get me started on those hands… tanned, strong… whew! The things I would let them do-

Jess cleared his throat, interrupting your thoughts. “Uh, excuse me?”

“Huh?” You squeaked, sitting up straight in a zip as if his words poured a bucket of ice water on your head.

“He asked if there was anything he could get you.” Rory explained. There was an amused smirk tugging at the corner of her lip.

“Oh, uh, just some coffee and a muffin, please.” You answered, eyes darting at everything except Jess.

He chuckled lightly. “On it.” He said before sauntering off.

You knew he probably left without questioning how you wanted your coffee or what kind of muffin you wanted to save you some embarrassment, which just made it worse.

You smacked your forehead with the palm of your hand and collapsed onto the booth table.

You could practically feel Rory, Lane and Tristan’s entertainment at your stupidity.

Surprise, surprise, you were right. When you looked up you saw Rory and Lane sharing a giggle but when you looked over at Tristan, his face was stony and irritated. What the hell was that about?

The four of you came here often. Luke’s diner was your go-to. Tristan hadn’t grown up in Stars Hollow like you, Lane and Rory, but he fell in love with the diner the second he had Luke’s chocolate chip pancakes.

You were born and raised in Stars Hollow, though, so you had the privilege of being able to go to Luke’s whenever you pleased. You could admit that you did kind of abuse that privilege with your daily (hourly on a bad day) visits to the diner.

Even though you were born in Stars Hollow, your parents decided to put you in private schools in Hartford since you were little. Why? You had no idea. It was extremely unconventional to drive a half an hour there and back every day for school, and it was irrationally expensive, but it’s what your parents wanted. And you supposed it wasn’t horrible in the end because it introduced you to one of your closest friends; Tristan Dugray.

You and Tristan had been besties since the diaper days, and you loved him to death. And you were even more happy when your other best friend, Rory Gilmore, transferred to Chilton in Junior year.

Now all you had to do was get Lane to transfer, but you were sure her mother wouldn’t hear it.

But anyways, back to the diner. The four of you were having a late afternoon snack there.

You were the one to suggest the meeting, admittedly for a reason different than your ravenous appetite.

And that reason had chocolate brown hair, olive skin and a bad-boy thing going on that could make anyone attracted to men within 50 feet weak at the knees.

Jess was the nephew of Luke, the owner and namesake of the diner, and he had just moved to town around a month ago. It was love at first sight. At least on your end.

From the few interactions you’d had with him, he was liable to think that you were a flat out weirdo. But that didn’t really matter, you were more of a ‘look, not touch’, kinda person. You didn’t expect anything to happen between the two of you.

“Y/N, I am confused to hell and back as to what you see in that guy,” Tristan grumbled. “All he had to do was ask what you wanted to eat and you practically melted into a puddle.”

You rolled your eyes. Tristan had a habit of acting like the over protective best friend and it never failed to make you want to slap him.

“‘Shut up, T.” You scoffed.

“Yeah, Tristan. Don’t yuck her yum.” Lane scolded. Rory nodded in agreement.

“I’m not- whatever.” He crossed his arms and slouched into his chair. Somebody was touchy. “All I’m saying is that that kid’s toxic.”

“Maybe he is,” you remarked, “but it’s not like we’re gonna get married or anything. I just like the way he looks.” Your eyes trailed over to Jess again.

He was using the espresso machine, and the mussels in his arms were flexing as he pressed the buttons and stuff. Hot. You took a sip of your water.

“You were looking at his hands when he was talking to us.” Tristan pointed out.

“So?” Rory asked.

“So, we all know Y/N has a hand thing.” He hissed.

You choked on your water. “Can we not exclaim that to the masses?” You whisper shrieked.

He just shrugged.

Rory and Lane chuckled.

“He has nice hands! I don’t know what your problem is, but when you’re done being a jerk, we can talk about what’s actually bothering you, okay?”

You stomped out of the diner, slamming the door behind you.

Jess walked over to the table that you were previously at and leaned over. “I take it she’s not going to need her vague order of coffee and a muffin?”

Tristan scoffed and stormed out right behind you.

“No, she won’t.” Lane answered.

~~~

Tristan found you at a local park. You were sitting on a swing, but you weren’t swinging. You just traced shapes into the wood chips on the ground with your converse clad feet.

He took a deep breath and puffed out his chest as he strolled over to you. If he was ever nervous (which he was at that moment) he wouldn’t show it.

“Y/N.” He greeted you, sitting on the swing next to you.

“Tristan.” You echoed, staring straight ahead catatonically.

He stared at you boldly, his eyes felt like lasers on your cheek. You knew he wouldn’t speak until you looked at him, his pride was much too big to talk to someone acting like a brick wall.

Finally he got sick of the silence. “Why are you so mad?” He blurted, jumping up from the seat of the swing.

You rolled your eyes at him. “Why are you such an asshole?”

“It’s natural.” He replied simply.

You laughed in disbelief and got up from the swing, but before you could make your exit, he grabbed your arm.

“I’m sorry, okay?” He apologized half-heartedly.

“Are you really?” You crossed your arms, “Because it sounds to me like you have no idea what you’re supposed to be sorry for.”

He crossed his arms as well, imitating your position perfectly.

“I’m sorry that I think Luke’s Danny Zuko knockoff of a nephew isn’t good for you. I’m just looking out for you, Y/N.” He reasoned.

“Oh, by all means, don’t worry about me! Worry about something more deserving. Like your hair!” You said cruelly, taking a step closer to him.

“My hair? What’s wrong with my hair, Y/N?” He questioned with a dry smirk.

“It’s spikey and- and weird and I hate it!” You yelled, taking another step closer to him.

“This is the first I’m hearing of this. How will I ever recover?” He asked, putting a hand on his heart in fake offense.

You stomped your foot childishly. At this point you didn’t know what you were arguing about. “Why can’t you just be happy for me, T? You’re supposed to be my best friend!”

“It’s hard for me to be happy that you’re in love with a punk like that!” Tristan scowled. This time, he was the one who took a step closer.

“First of all, I’m not in love with him, and second of all, this isn’t about Jess! It’s about us!” You shouted, tears clouding your eyes. “You’re never happy for me, you’re never supportive, and I’m sick of it! We’re friends Tristan!”

Truth be told, Tristan didn’t know he had been doing that. But guilt still bubbled in his chest - he knew why he had been acting like that recently. It wasn’t a very valid reason.

Looking at you know, tears in your eyes and an angry and hurt expression etched on your beautiful features, he knew it was time to tell you.

“Y/N, I’m sorry I’ve been such a jerk, okay? It was purely subconscious. I’ve just been… resenting you.”

Your eyebrows raised. “Resenting me? Why the hell have you been resenting me?”

He swallowed. He hadn’t planned on admitting this to you ever, but he supposed honesty was the best policy now that he had dug himself this hole.

“Resenting you for not…” he sighed. “Loving me.” He said quietly, eyes directed at the floor.

You scoffed. “Tris, stop being stupid. Of course I love you!”

He just looked up at you, his handsome face illuminated by the sun as it set perfectly. His hazel eyes were now a fairer shade of green and his dirty blonde hair appeared golden in the setting sun light. Gosh, he was beautiful. Like a Greek God or a fucking Twilight vampire.

But as he gazed into your eyes, his expression nothing but the pinnacle of honesty and vulnerability, it dawned on you what he was talking about.

Oh.

He loved you. Not in a we’re-best-friends-and-I-would-do-anything-for-you type of way, in a I-want-you-to-have-my-babies-and-die-with-me type of way.

“Tristan…” You started to talk but you had no idea what to say. How does one respond to this?

“You don’t have to say anything, Y/N,” he reassured, “I just needed to get that off my chest.”

You were still speechless.

He gave you a weak smirk and kissed you on your forehead. He was giving you some time to think, but you really didn’t want to be alone with your mind right now.

Your stupid mind that decided to point out the fact that the spot where Tristan left a kiss on your forehead was still burning from the feeling of his lips, or that your heart skipped a beat when you realized that he had feelings for you. Your stupid mind that was suggesting that you liked him back! In a I-want-to-have-your-babies-and-die-with-you type of way!

I need coffee.

You stumbled the whole way through the seven minute walk to Luke’s and somehow made it in without throwing up. The sun had almost completely set and you’d think around this time the diner would be full, but it was almost completely empty.

Rory and Lane had already left it seemed and you felt a bit bad about ditching them and decided to call them later to apologize. But first you needed to get some food in you.

You staggered to the counter and slumped onto a stool.

You didn’t see Luke anywhere. What was the point of him working there if he wasn’t going to be there when you needed to complain to him? You sighed.

Somebody came out from the back. Thank god, Luke was finally here-

It was Jess.

Maybe coming to the diner wasn’t such a good idea after all.

You swallowed as Jess made his way to you from the other side of the counter.

For some reason looking at him made you feel guilty. You did not need this.

“Are you here to collect your coffee and biscuit?” He asked.

“Muffin, not biscuit.” You replied tiredly.

“Forgive me,” he smirked. When he noticed your conflicted expression, he leaned forward a bit, brows furrowed. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Where’s Luke?”

You didn’t mean to be rude, but your tolerance for the world was about to snap and all you needed was some coffee and supportive words from a familiar face that didn’t make the damn butterflies in your stomach start to party.

His face curled into an expression full of mock offense. “Ouch.”

“Sorry,” you apologized, “I’m going through it right now. Take anything I say to you with a grain of salt.”

“Will do.” He agreed. He cleared his throat. “Wanna talk about it?”

You deadpanned. “Don’t you have customers?”

He looked around and raised his eyebrows. Besides you, there was an old woman in the corner who was happily munching on a salad.

You sighed in resignation. “My, uh, friend and I got in a fight.” You said. You left out the important details, like the fact that, y’know, the person that triggered your argument with Tristan was Jess himself.

“Yeah, I figured something along those lines happened when both you and your blonde friend stormed out of here.”

“You saw that.” You remarked with a humorless laugh.

“I’m not the only one. You make quite a dramatic exit.”

“I do what I can,” you shrugged, now needing that coffee more than anything. And maybe if you asked nicely enough, Jess would add some tequila to take the edge off. You chuckled to yourself and shook that bad idea off.

As if he read your mind, he placed a steaming cup of caffeinated joy in front of you. You probably shouldn’t have been drinking coffee at 5 PM, but you couldn’t care less as you took an eager sip and the bitter taste flooded your taste buds.

You sighed pleasurably. “Thanks, Jess.”

“Any time,” he replied with a sweet smile that made your insides twirl, “But I don’t remember telling you my name.”

“Oh, please, you were the new guy in town. Everybody in Stars Hollow knows your name. Even her.” You motioned to the old woman who was still chowing down her salad.

He chuckled. “I wouldn’t expect any less from this town. It’s like a weird cult.”

“More like a big, dysfunctional family.” You smiled. “And in case you didn’t hear my name through the grapevine - I’m more of last year's news, so you probably haven’t - I’m Y/N.”

“Pretty name for a pretty girl.” He complimented.

You were about to blush but sadly, the slightly flirtatious comment snapped you back into your reality. You needed to get home and deal with your own drama before even thinking about flirting with Jess.

“I have to go.” You said abruptly.

His brows raised. “Uh, okay.”

“Thank you so much, Jess. Uh, I’ll see you later?” You asked hopefully.

“Yeah.” He nodded.

You took your wallet out to pay but he stopped you.

“Nope. You’ve had a hard day. It’s on me.” He said.

“Are you sure? It’s no big deal, honestly. I can pay.”

“You’re right, it isn’t a big deal. So go take care of yourself and I’ll take care of it.” He said honestly. Between the eye contact you were making and his sincere words, you decided that you needed to get out of there to clear your mind even more.

“Okay. Thank you so much. Uh, bye.”

You grabbed your bag and scurried out of there quickly.

The second the fresh air hit your face you felt loads better. You were just getting a bit overwhelmed. You had just found out that your best friend had feelings for you and you weren’t sure if you had feelings for him in return or if you had feelings for Jess, the mysterious new boy who had been so sweet to you - I need to lay down, you thought.

You made your way home, your mind running at a hundred miles an hour, indecisiveness fueling it.

The last thing you wanted was to be one of those people who couldn’t pick between love interests, but you were edging that territory.

Tristan was comfortable and warm. He was funny and even though he was a certified asshole, he had a soft side. You loved him. But did you love him the way he loved you?

And Jess was new and exciting. Just from your one conversation he made you feel every positive emotion in the book. He was easy to talk to and interesting - but did he even like you romantically?

He was doing some flirting action, but you could be reading into things too much. You could be creating a whole love triangle plot in your head that didn’t exist.

You stumbled into your house, weakly waving at your parents, found your room and collapsed onto your bed.

You knew that in order to handle this potential love triangle disaster that could possibly be in your head but could also be real… you would have to sort out your feelings. And be completely honest with Tristan about how you weren’t sure yet. You didn’t want to string him on and he deserved better than to be with someone who was still half sure about their feelings for him. And Jess… Jess was gray territory. You liked him but you weren’t sure if he reciprocated and you didn’t want to factor him into your decision about Tristan because that wouldn’t be fair to either of them.

Phew, this is stressful.

It was only 5:30 PM and all you wanted to do was go to sleep.

So, choosing to put your jumble of thoughts aside, you got into your PJs and turned on a movie. You yawned as you cuddled your cat, your eyes slowly closing.

You could deal with the rest of your life in the morning.

~~~

thanks for reading! let me know if you want a part two!

#gilmore girls #jess mariano #tristan dugray #gilmore girls fanfiction #jess mariano fanfiction #jess mariano fanfic #tristan dugray fanfiction #tristan dugray fanfic #jess mariano x reader #tristan dugray x reader #tristan dugray x y/n #jess mariano x y/n #fanfiction #multi x reader #multi x y/n #gilmore girls au

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certifiedjaeger · 3 years ago

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single dad Eren slut all the way because

gaining the trust of his child first and he sees that so it makes him more open to confessing to you

Eren wanting to expand y'alls lil family

DILF EREN who had given up on romantic love because all the people his age made him feel disillusion but your younger self comes along and he goes oh...

dilf! Eren x nanny reader where they get close just for the sake of his son so y'all start hanging out outside of your normal nanny hours "for the sake of his son" but it turns more into y'all looking like a real family

his child calling you mama out of nowhere and you and he brushing it off but he secretly wishes it were true

people giving y'all weird or nasty looks because he does look older than you even if he isn't by much so y'all egg on their strange faces by getting a little pervy in public

ooof I could go on

single! dad! eren! slut! ugh he’s so 🥵🤤

I can imagine him being bitter about love and giving up on finding it entirely since he’s been burned so many times in the past… and well, then you come along and literally change everything, like you literally turn his world upside down

Like imagine you come into his life and he starts to feel this warm feeling in his chest whenever you’re around and he keeps thinking about you late at night when he’s in bed trying to sleep (and even during the day, although he won’t admit it), and he’ll start to see things and instantly think of you (like, “I have to tell her about this” or “she’ll think this is so funny”). And he ends up getting frustrated by the fact that he’s in his late 30s and has somehow developed a crush on you like a pathetic little lovesick teenager. Ugh he’s so cute I hate him

Okay but wait, imagine how much his heart would swell when he sees you with his little one oh my god he would die inside, like literally nothing has ever felt so sweet to him than seeing you interact so tenderly and naturally with his little toddler. And like you said, imagine the first time his lil bub calls you mama… and you and Eren both just kind of stop what you’re doing and look at each other. You think to yourself, ‘I hope Eren isn’t uncomfortable with that’ and Eren thinks ‘God, I hope she’s okay with him calling her that’— the both of you secretly wishing that it were true, but neither of you feeling confident enough to say it out loud. Neither of you would correct lil bub though and as time goes on he just sort of knows you as mama and every time Eren hears his son call you that, he wants to bend down on one knee, ring in hand, and immediately ask you to be in his and his son’s life forever (AHHHH so cute 😭)

And imagine that after you two eventually do get married, Eren becomes feral about needing wanting to put a baby in you

Like, he would be so eager to get you pregnant and make your little family bigger. He’ll be on you like all the time, pinning you to the mattress and muttering whatever nonsense like “c’mon baby, lil bub needs a little sister” or “you know I can get the job done… don’t you wanna know what it feels like to carry my child” WHEW— 🥵🥵🥵

(Also the nanny headcanon 🤤 like please— let me be your nanny, eren)

#i feel like there’s a general consensus that single dad!eren is what the people want lol and I’m right there with u….. 😅🥺#ALSO GETTING PERVY WITH EREN IN PUBLIC YES PLEASE SLDJDKLS #eren blurbs #eren jaeger #eren yeager #eren jaeger headcanons #eren yeager headcanons #annie's asks 💌#annie's anons 💕

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jadequeen88 · 4 years ago

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Accidental Valentine

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This is my fic for The Citrus Dome Server Lover’s Day Literature Collab! Please go check out The Masterlist and support all of the amazing artists and writers that have contributed.🖤

A/N: WHEW guys... I don’t think I’ve put this much work into a fic EVER. I’ve been feeling pretty bad about my body and wanted to write a reader who struggled with it as well. Who better to boost your confidence than DILF Kiri feeding your praise kink?! I was heavily influenced by this amazing drabble by @rat-suki and got permission to use it as my inspiration for this fic.🖤 (for reference, reader is 30 and Kirishima is 42)

Thanks to @afictionalwhore and my dear friend Orchid for the beta read!🖤

RetiredProHero!Kirishima x YoungerF!Reader

Word Count: 5.3k

TW: size difference, oral (both receiving), daddy kink, praise kink (lots and lots of praise), TBH the sex is pretty vanilla but very passionate, both are insecure about their bodies.

When you trudged into work this morning, you didn’t ever dream of meeting your childhood idol/crush, but here you are, staring up at a beautiful mountain of a man. Eijiro Kirishima, or retired pro hero Red Riot, had never come into your coffee shop before and you’d never imagined he would. He was huge. Nearly 7 ft tall and built like a brick house. His hair was back to his natural black with flecks of silver at his temples and hung long and wild around his shoulders. He had on a pair of glasses and wore a dark maroon sweater and jeans.

Even though he’s aged, he looks just as handsome as the young man you fell for as a girl.

The year he made his debut, you were only six, and like most other six-year-olds, you idolized the pro heroes. Most of your friends loved Deku or Dynamite, but you always loved Red Riot. His smile, warmth, and his fiercely protective nature made your tiny heart burst with admiration. Throughout his hero career, you kept up with all of his interviews, the battles he’d been in, the awards he’d won, and his hero rankings. You’d also gotten as much merch as possible over the years and still wore your worn-out, oversized Red Riot t-shirt to sleep in. When he retired a couple of years ago, you still scanned articles online trying to gather bits and pieces of information about the hero, but he wasn’t one to seek out the spotlight. You think that’s probably why he’d always been your favorite. He was a true hero. Serving the citizens and keeping them safe was his top priority. You didn’t want to admit it, but you kept up with him for one main reason… You wanted to know if he was seeing anyone.

You remember being eaten up with jealousy when you’d see his arm around another woman going to galas and award ceremonies. Your sixteen-year-old brain knew that of course, he’d date women. He was a grown man and a pro hero. But your heart would ache, wanting to be the one his soft eyes and pointy-toothed grin was fixed on.

Now those same eyes were fixed on you, his mouth moving and forming words, but you were too star-struck to hear what he was saying. When you snapped out of your daze and remembered you were supposed to be taking his order, you were mortified.

“I-I’m so sorry sir! Could you please repeat that?”

“Sure thing!” his bright smile was hypnotizing, “Just a venti-sized flat white. Have you had your coffee yet? Ya looked a little far away there for a second, kid.”

Your heart leaped at the little nickname. “Yeah, sorry about that! I guess I should get a couple of shots of espresso in me before I try to be productive.” You chuckle nervously as you scribble his order on the cup and turn to make his drink.

“Oh, uhh…” he peeks around the counter to get your attention, “Do you need my name? For the order?”

You freeze realizing you forgot basic, barista 101 etiquette…

“Actually,” you face him, a sheepish grin on your face, avoiding eye contact, “I know your name. You… umm, were my favorite hero,” you blush, and your eyes widen in embarrassment, “you know when I was a kid...”

You turn back to your work, kicking yourself for being so awkward.

“Really? I think you’re the first person to recognize me since ya know,” he circled his head with his pointer finger, “I stopped dying my hair..”

You turned your head to peer up at him through your dark lashes, a light dusting of blush still on your cheeks, “Well, I like it. It looks good on you.”

The retired pro’s heart was bursting at how damned cute you were. Was this pretty, young girl… embarrassed? Over him?! He watched your tiny hands move as they worked on his drink order, wondering how small they’d feel grasped in his massive ones. Your soft hair caught in the sunlight making you look like a literal angel and he sighed. You reached up to grab a canister from the top shelf and a sliver of soft skin between your t-shirt and jeans peeked through. His gaze became far away and he damn near drooled at the sight. Just how long had it been since he’d touched another woman? Kirishima wasn’t one for casual flings. He always got too invested in whoever he was seeing. So when he and his long-time girlfriend broke things off a couple of years ago, he wasn’t rushing back into the dating scene.

However, things were a little more… complicated than just not finding the right girl to commit to. He was getting older and it was starting to show. Over the past few years, he’d lost his confidence. He’s bulkier around the middle no matter what workouts or diets he tries. Overuse of his quirk has caused stretchmarks and scars all over his skin. He was starting to get crow’s feet and he was overall just TOO big and TOO hairy. He felt like some sort of gorilla walking around in human clothing. Kirishima isn’t stupid or trying to fool himself. A young, gorgeous thing like you wasn’t looking for anything from an old, washed-up man like him. But, fuck… It was nearly impossible for him to move his gaze away from your ass… Oh, the things he’d do to you if he were a few years younger...

You turned to look over your shoulder and notice his gaze… and it’s apparent that he’s checking you out. He looks like a man starved, eyes glued to your ass.

“Well, well, well… maybe he wasn’t so annoyed with my fangirling after all.”

When he realized you’d gone still, his eyes met yours and he quickly averted his gaze. His cheeks turned as red as his hair used to be. You busied yourself with the milk steamer to hide your big, goofy grin. With a new burst of confidence, you decide to take a chance and when you go to write his name on his to-go cup, you write

“Big Red <3”

You pause, bite your lip, and think to yourself, “why the hell not?” as you scribble your number underneath the nickname. You turn to give him his drink and your nerves almost make you retreat and make a whole new drink. Then he meets your gaze and your world stops spinning. His vermillion eyes crinkle at the edges as his scared lips turn upwards into a syrupy sweet smile.

When Kirishima takes his drink from you, your fingers brush his for the briefest second and he can tell they’re trembling. “Oh no, I hope I haven’t made her nervous or uncomfortable.” He wanted to go crawl in a hole… That was until he saw what you’d written on his cup.

He stammers, looking from the cup to your face like he’s checking to see if you’re pulling a prank on him or not. Before he can say anything, you bite your lip and look up at him.

“I’m off work this Sunday. Just… if you’d like to hang out or something.” your gaze shifts and you tuck a strand of hair behind your ear.

After a moment or two, his face lights up in a huge grin. “Y-yeah, great!” he turns and walks a few steps, then turns around and motions at the cup, “So… I should just, ahh… text you?”

You giggle and it’s the sweetest sound he’s heard in a long time, “That would be nice, yeah.”

“Okay, great!... Talk later then!” He waves and leaves the coffee shop, feeling light as a feather and ten years younger.

*****

Sunday rolls around and you spend the morning making sure the place is cleaner than it’s been in weeks. Your place was small but cozy. For a fleeting moment, you’re a little insecure about how modest your apartment is. You don’t know exactly how wealthy pros are when they retire, but you know he’s more familiar with much nicer places than yours. You decide he probably knew just what to expect on a barista’s salary and tried to put it out of your mind. You checked on the cookies baking in the oven. When you found out through your text conversations that he loved chocolate chip cookies with the large chunks of dark chocolate baked in, you went out and bought everything to make them the same day. You kept watching over them like a hawk to avoid burning them. They still looked pretty gooey, so you decided it would be safe to get changed into something a little nicer. Just as you were about to turn the corner into your bedroom, your doorbell rang.

“Shit!” you looked at your phone and sure enough, you let time get away from you. He was here and you were still in your cropped leggings and t-shirt, sporting a messy bun and dirty apron. You groaned as you realized you couldn’t leave him on your doorstep while you changed. Defeated, you hurried to the door.

You opened the door, hoping that you at least didn’t have flour in your hair, and looked up into the much larger man’s eyes. The realization that THE Red Riot was standing this close to you made your stomach flutter and a goofy grin slide across your face. While you stood there star-struck, he broke the silence.

“Wow, it smells amazing in here!”

“Oh!” you jumped a little then promptly ran over to your oven, “Sorry! Please come on in!” you said over your shoulder as you were pulling your oven mitts on.

Kirishima walked into your cozy apartment and instantly felt at ease. He couldn’t pinpoint just what it was, but something about your place felt more like home than any place he’d ever lived before. As he finished scanning your apartment, his eyes landed on you taking the cookies out of the oven. The comfortable, domestic feel of the place coupled with your ass on full display as you bent down to remove the cookies from the oven had his jeans tightening. You stood up and he averted his gaze before you turned around, not wanting to get caught checking your ass out for a second time.

“Fair warning, I’m not a talented baker by any means,” you removed your oven mitts after placing the cookie sheets on the cooling rack and flashed a sly grin his way, “But when Red Riot tells you what his favorite cookies are… Ya kinda gotta make them, right?”

Oh… If you only knew how pent up this man was… he debated bending you over right then and there and fucking you until you couldn’t walk. He really hit the jackpot with you… a hot, younger woman with the perfect ass who bakes him cookies and for some reason thinks he hung the moon? Kirishima would have given you a ring right then and there if he didn’t think it would scare you off.

“Well,” he radiated warmth as he looked between you and the cookies cooling on the rack, “If you’re not the sweetest thing! I, ahh… might have gotten you a little something too.” he then held up a 6 pack of your favorite cider. “Because when Y/N, L/N tells you what her favorite cider is… Ya kinda gotta get her some.” he winked and you felt your knees buckle and your cheeks burn. You felt like you were in a fairytale.

Then you remembered that the princesses in fairytales definitely did not wear flour-riddled black leggings, old t-shirts, and dirty aprons.

“OH! Umm, I need to go get cleaned up. I’ll only be a minu-” his massive hand wrapped around your wrist as you walked past him. It covered half of your forearm and a shudder ran through you. You wanted those giant hands to roam every inch of your body.

“Please don’t,” his eyes were half-lidded and his voice was low, “...I think you look beautiful like this.” his calloused thumb traced little circles on your skin not meeting your gaze. His deep voice was impossibly tender.

Now that you’d felt his skin on yours, you couldn’t contain your churning desires any longer. You wanted, needed, more. Rising up on your tiptoes, you curled your fist into Kirishima’s shirt collar and pulled his face toward yours.

You felt him tense up for a moment, then relax into the kiss. His massive hands found purchase on your hips, digging into the pliant flesh there. A needy whimper caught in his throat spurring you on to deepen the kiss.

It was like your bodies were working around each other in perfect harmony… lips parting at a slow pace, like honey dripping from the edge of a spoon and tongues meeting in the middle to taste each other. You both savored the kiss for as long as you could, eyes lazily drifting open and shared breaths causing your hearts to dance out of your chests.

You saw him falter, his gaze dropping, and you feared that you overstepped.

“Kirishima I-“

“Ejiro,” he stopped you with a hand against your cheek, “Call me Eijiro…” his thumb caressed your bottom lip slowly, back and forth. His touch held so much devotion in it.

“Eijiro…” you sighed, looking up at him with pleading eyes, “I need you…”

The giant of a man before you swept you up into his arms and began walking down your hallway. You quickly wrapped your arms and legs around his hulking frame as if you were climbing a tree.

“Second door on the right,” you were panting into his neck, leaving sloppy kisses all over it.

You blew a cool stream of air along his damp skin and felt him shudder. A giggle bubbled up from your chest at being able to weaken a retired pro-hero known for being a human shield against the worst villains Japan has ever known. Your little stunt resulted in a grunt and a firm, warning squeeze to your thigh.

“So that’s what we’re doing today, huh?” he tosses you on the bed just hard enough to make you bounce up a little… then he’s on you, placing light kisses all along your neck as he prods your sides looking for a ticklish spot. You can’t remember the last time you laughed this hard and the fact that it was your idol drawing it from you made you dizzy with joy.

“Mercy! Mercy!” you were breathless and your abdomen ached from the forceful laughs Ejiro was pulling from you. He blew a raspberry on your neck as a final tease then relented, sitting up to meet your gaze.

You were absolutely smitten. You caressed the lines around his eyes and the scar that split his lips as your eyes roamed across his features. Every crease, every scar… you wanted to kiss them all. When his gaze faltered and he pulled away to sit beside you on the bed, the feeling you’d done something wrong resurfaced. You sat up beside him and placed your hand on his thigh.

“Eijiro…” your voice was barely above a whisper, “I’m sorry, I know I can come on a little strong sometimes, and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. I just…” your eyes meet and his gaze is unreadable.

“No, no…” his ruby eyes drop to the floor, “It’s just that,” he chuckles nervously, “Well, it’s been a while. I’m not very good with casual flings and the like. So I don’t really date much…”

You rise to your feet and move to stand in front of him. Sitting in front of you on your bed, you’re only slightly below eye level with him. You place your tiny hands on his thick thighs and nudge them apart so you can slot your hips between them.

“When I told you that you were my favorite hero,” you reach for his wrist and remove the hair tie from it, “What that actually meant was that I’d watch the news every day just to make sure you were safe.”

Slender fingers move through his wild mane of silver-flecked hair untangling any knots, “It meant that when that villain with the sludge quirk put you in the hospital for a couple of days, my mom let me stay home from school because I was so distraught,” you pulled all of his untangled hair to the nape of his neck and began wrapping the hair tie around it.

“It meant that my silly sixteen-year-old heart would ache when I saw you hand in hand with a girl in a magazine going out on a date,” you grinned at how silly you felt admitting that. Once his hair was secured in a low ponytail, your hands trailed along his broad shoulders.

“Now that I’ve thoroughly embarrassed myself, I’ll get to the point.” your intense gaze held years of longing for the hero in front of you, “Nothing about this is casual for me.”

Tears pricked the corners of Kirishima’s eyes. Had anyone ever showed him this much tender devotion? All the years he’d taken beating after beating, a glorified human shield, content with leaving most of the game to his friends. He was all rough edges and bulk. He was the one doing the protecting every time. Even in his romantic relationships, he was the one who would give, and give, and give… never asking or expecting to be taken care of. Being handled with such care was utterly foreign to him and it stirred up a deep need he never knew was there.

“Eji…” his glassy eyes met yours, “Can I take care of you?” you sank to your knees, hands sliding up his thighs.

“Please…”

Your hands made quick work of his button and zipper. He shifted his hips upwards to help you ease his jeans down his thick thighs and you pulled his jeans and boxers down in one slow pull. Nothing would have prepared you for just how huge he was. Your eyes widened for a fraction of a second, wondering how you’d get that thing to fit inside your cunt, much less your mouth… but it was something you were eager to find out.

Looking up at him from under your dark lashes, you made a show of lewdly licking your lips. You flattened your tongue and drug the wet muscle from his base right above his neatly trimmed patch of black hair, all the way to the swollen, red tip of his head. You felt the powerful muscles in his thighs clench as his head rolled back and a delicious moan escaped his open mouth. Making your hero come undone with one lick to his cock was intoxicating.

“Fuck, baby…” Kirishima fisted the sheets praying he wouldn’t come just from your teasing. He’s not sure his pride could handle it. It became a very real threat when he dared to look down at you kissing and licking all up and down his length. Once your mouth had gotten him wet enough, your soft hands joined your warm mouth in worshiping his cock. You met his gaze as you kissed his tip and licked up the pre that was escaping in pearlescent beads. When you had teased him to your contentment, you swallowed him down as deep as your throat would allow, wrapped your hand around his base, and moaned.

Kirishima had many blowjobs in his life. In fact, he’d had some that he would say were pretty amazing… but in all his adult life, he’d never been so thoroughly and enthusiastically devoured like this. He threaded his fingers of one hand in your loose bun and fisted your bed sheets in his other to ground himself. After a minute or two, he felt his release creeping up much faster than he wanted.

He placed his hands on either side of your face causing you to stop bobbing your head and look up at him. He ran his thumb against your swollen bottom lip and you leaned into his tender touch. He bends forward and places a kiss on the top of your head.

“Lay down on the bed,” he whispers into your hair. Nerves starting to catch up to you, you shook slightly as you stood from your spot on the floor. Before you lay down, you remember to take your apron off then lay on your pillows, heart pounding awaiting further instruction.

Kirishima hovers over you reminding you yet again just how tiny you are compared to him. His warm hand covers your knee and slowly travels up your thigh, stopping right before he meets your throbbing core. He runs his hand back down your thigh to gently nudge your knees apart. Leaning on his forearms, he positions himself between your thighs and you gasp at the friction created where your bodies meet. While planting tender kisses on your neck, he whispers, “I need you to promise that you’ll tell me if I need to stop or if something doesn’t feel okay. Can you do that?”

“Y-yes…” you moan as he nibbles on your earlobe, teasing with his sharp teeth but not breaking your skin.

“Mmm,” he places sweet kisses all along your jaw, your breath catching in your throat, “Good girl.”

Receiving praise from him made your chest swell. You wanted nothing more than to please this man you were rapidly falling for. He sat up, legs folded under his body, and slowly slid his hands under the hem of your oversized t-shirt. You felt his hands still on your stomach and looked up from where you were laying on your pillows to see what had made him freeze.

He met your gaze with a devilish grin, “Baby girl…” his thumbs run small circles on your skin, “Did you wear this for me?”

When you realize what he’s talking about, you hide your face and groan into your hands. You completely forgot that you were still in your old Red Riot t-shirt that you usually slept in. “Oh my god, this is so embarrassing!” you mumbled behind your palms.

Kirishima chuckled and shushed you, “No, no, no… This is the sexiest thing you could have possibly worn.” He pulls the hem of your t-shirt up to expose your tummy, burying his face in the soft skin there. Gentle kisses were placed all along the waistline of your leggings, every squishy part and every little stretchmark that decorated your skin like tiny spiderwebs were lovingly caressed with his plush lips. Having the part of your body you were the most self-conscious of worshiped like this felt more vulnerable than sex.

As the kisses traveled higher, they became sloppier and more desperate. You lifted your arms to allow him to remove your shirt, exposing your plain white cotton bra. The feel of his stubble against your skin as he moaned into your cleavage sent shivers down your body. Instead of paying attention to your neglected nipples, his warm mouth carved a path up the column of your throat, head thrown back to give him as much access as possible.

Kirishima whispered against the tender skin under your earlobe, “This okay, baby?” two large fingers dip into the front of your leggings. You nod enthusiastically, unable to form a coherent answer, “Mmm… I need words, sweet thing. You can do that for me, can’t you?”

“Yes… it’s more than okay,” your chests are touching as he works his hand down the front of your pants.

When Kirishima’s thick fingers slid between your drenched folds, you arched your back and grasped his forearm. Slowly, he spread your slick around, dancing past your clit with each stroke. His teasing was turning you into a whimpering mess underneath him.

He had all the time in the world and having you melt underneath his touch was the best way he could hope to spend it. After what felt like an eternity of him gently brushing against you, only slightly dipping into your needy hole and barely grazing your clit, you were openly panting and whining. A steady stream of praises flowed from his lips.

“You’re such a pretty girl… such a pretty little pussy.”

“Look at how wet you are for me. Like this, huh? My pretty girl likes my fingers teasing her?”

“I can’t wait to lick my fingers clean. You’re gonna taste so sweet.”

You were so worked up that tears began to form in your eyes, “Eji… I-“

“Hmm? What is it, baby girl? Need something?” His finger drags around your clit slowly, adding a fraction more pressure.

“Please, I need more Eji,” your nails digging into his forearm were leaving little crescents in his thick skin.

“Sweet girl,” he meets your mouth with a slow, wet kiss, “you can have whatever you want.”

Without hesitation, he sits up and pulls your leggings down with your panties. A groan rattles his large chest when he sees a thread of your slick attached to the crotch. Once his face is buried in between your thighs, it’s a real possibility he might come just from eating you out.

All the teasing had brought him to the edge as well and he was out of patience. With a few hurried kisses to each thigh, he dove into your dripping cleft. His tongue plunged into your core as he nudged his nose into your puffy clit.

You cry out and convulse around his face. His arms wrap around your thighs, firmly but gently holding your legs open to give him full access to eat you as thoroughly as possible. When he moves to suck your clit, you know you won’t last much longer. As he nurses on your sensitive nub, you feel the familiar tightening in your lower body. He picks up on this and moans into your skin as he greedily sucks.

“Ahh… Ahh, I’m- I’m gonna….”

“Oh that’s it,” he encourages you by praising you and massaging your thighs in his massive hands, “let me have it, baby girl. Come on, I’ve got you, I’ve got you.”

Your toes curl and back arches as you’re thrown over the edge. “Oh FUCK!! Coming, coming…. ooooh god… ahh D-daddy!…”

“Daddy, is it? Goddamn”

Kirishima felt his dick twitch and his breath caught in his throat.

He wipes his face on the back of his hands and makes a show of licking his fingers clean as he leans over you, nose touching yours.

“What was that baby?” His voice was strained as he pressed his dick into the warm, damp skin of your thigh…

You bat your lashes and ghost your lips over his as you whisper, “Daddy… please let me ride you. I need you inside me.” The nail in Kirishima’s coffin was when you licked his bottom lip then quickly followed with a chaste kiss.

You waste no time wrapping your thighs around his waist and twisting. He follows your lead and lays flat on his back letting you straddle him. You grab the hem of his shirt and similarly tease him, leaving a trail of kisses along his broad stomach. Kirishima flinches a little, self-conscious of his skin and how soft his middle had gotten over the years. You meet his eyes as you pull his shirt over his broad shoulders and run your hands back down his body.

“Mmm, you have no idea how long I’ve wanted this,” hands and eyes roamed over the expanse of skin in front of you, “It’s even better than in my dreams.”

He wondered for the hundredth time how got this lucky. You really loved his body? Maybe… maybe he wasn’t in as bad of shape as he thought…

“No,” his hands rubbed your hips, kneading your soft skin, “You’re better than I’d ever hoped to find.” He sits upon the headboard and pulls you closer into his lap, “Now,” he pulls your hair free of the messy bun, “Can you be a good girl and come on my cock?”

You lift your hips and place his tip at your entrance. That alone caused a delicious stretch and you knew it would be a slow process getting him to fit comfortably.

“Yes, Daddy,” your hands wrapped around his neck and he growled as he pulled you into a rough kiss.

“Good fuckin girl.”

He helped lower you onto his cock with lots of kisses, praises, and gentle squeezes. When you got closer to his base, the pain was too much for a moment. Kirishima used his thumb to rub circles into your clit, shushing you sweetly against your parted mouth.

“Are you okay, baby?” He brushes your hair off your sweaty forehead with his free hand while his other is still working your clit over.

“Yes, Daddy,” you whisper, “You fill me up so well. I love your massive cock filling me up.”

“You’re gonna make me crazy, you know that? Huh?” He pulls your lower lip into his mouth and sucks. You both sit for a while, exchanging kisses and whispers while you adjust to his girth.

“Are you ready to move now, sweet girl?”

“Yes, Daddy…” he helps you move, dragging your hips up and down his shaft.

After a few deep thrusts, you both increase your pace, matching each other’s movements. It’s not long before your head is thrown back, tears escaping the corners of your eyes. Loud moans and curses escape your mouth as one nipple is pulled into Kirishima’s mouth.

“Oh, Daddy! Fuck, fuck! Right there, right there… I… I’m… AHH!” Before you can even say anything, you’ve come undone, spasming around his cock.

“Oh, good girl, good fuckin girl,” you go limp and bury your face into his neck while he slams your hips onto his, chasing his release. The feeling of him using your body to get off makes you dizzy with joy. You lean into his ear whispering, “Please come inside me. Wanna feel you come inside me, Daddy… please, need your come inside me, Daddy.”

Your slurred pleas against his ear send him over the edge into a mind-numbing orgasm. As he comes down from his high and looks into your face full of adoration, he knows he’s caught… hook, line, and sinker.

*****

The rest of the evening is spent eating cookies on your couch, drinking cider, and watching your favorite crime drama. The sweet kisses and touches sprinkled throughout the night feel so natural… Like you’ve been together for years instead of hours.

You end up with Kirishima’s head in your lap, running your fingers through his hair as he closes his eyes and relaxes into your touch. The clock on your wall reads 12:30 am and it dawns on you what day it officially is.

“Eji?”

“Hmm?” He opens one eye and reaches up to scratch your scalp.

“Will you be my valentine?” You bite your bottom lip to stifle a silly grin.

He sits up and pulls you into a bear hug.

“What kinda silly question is that? Of course. I don’t ever want another valentine besides you.”

Your heart explodes and you kiss him, grabbing his cheeks in both hands.

“Sixteen-year-old me is absolutely losing her shit right now,” you giggle, rubbing his nose with yours.

“Well,” he grabs your ass and raises an eyebrow, “Forty-two-year-old me is losing his shit right now over finding such a sweet girl with such a sweet ass on her,” he nips at your neck and you squeal.

“Ooh, you ready for another round, old man?”

He growls and throws you over his shoulder. A swift spank to your ass causes you to burst into a fit of laughter.

“Oh, so I’m dealing with a brat now? You want me to show you what this old man does to little brats?” He squeezes your thighs as he makes his way to the bedroom.

“But I’m your good girl! Remember?!”

“Yeah, yeah… We’ll see about that.”

#bnha #boku no hero academia #mha #my hero academia #bnha smut #kirishima eijirou x reader #kirishima x reader #eijirou kirishima #kirishima smut #dilf!kiri #tw praise kink #tw daddy kink #vanilla #body insecurity tw #jade writes smut

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mysterious-moonstruck-musings · 5 months ago

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Please excuse me while I get caught up on my reblogs, bestie. I'm a little behind. 😂

My unhinged response is below the cut...

I think she has come to the conclusion that he is indeed the wrong decision. Life changes incoming... lol

Oh god, wouldn't that be a sight though? Dieter putting that damn cat tree together...complaining about how complicated it is while being sassy to Zee for being judgy? Oooof. I'm jealous too. 😂

I would say his smooth talking and good looks give him a leg up? And I think it's more that he just doesn't care about his partner's needs. It's more like "ok, lets get this over with so I can get what I want" kind of mentality...if that makes sense? Maybe he's not like that with everybody? 🤷‍♀️

Ooof, YES! They do 100% help each other heal...or at least they will. They're getting there...👀

That is so on point! I think a lot of him keeping her around is about appearances. He got to where he is because of her and I think deep down he knows that, but doesn't want to admit it or let her go.

D has made soooo much progress. He just has to be reminded of it on occasion.

We really do adore that look. I need to know the science behind why that does things to us. 😂

Listen, Dr. Smith knows what's up. She can read Dieter better than he realizes and honestly, he's pretty fucking transparent. I love that she knows how to handle him without making him feel like shit.

Plant daddy Dieter is soooo fucking hot and I don't even know why. I guess it's the nurturing part of him coming through? I can't wait until Kat is on the receiving end of that...

Haha! I should totally make some Dieterina t-shirts. That would be hilarious.

Kat is so broken and Alec has really fucked her up. I think she internalizes a lot and takes a lot of the blame on herself. Alec has sort of programed her that way.

The worst fight they have... ehh...you know me too well. You know there's some angst ahead. Nothing too bad though...nothing like D&D. 😬

Oh you got him figured out already. Yes, there is Greek cuisine in Kat's future. He just wants to take care of his girl and spoil her.😏

Ding ding ding! We will learn more about his childhood at some point...it's not pretty. He had it rough and neither of his parents were great. It has contributed to his lack of relationships and his intimacy issues, but he's learning how to do all that.

I think Dieter will be able to handle the intensity of things while they are in a good place. It's how he handles it when things go a little south that is the most telling about his progress. Kat on the other hand...does struggle with it. We shall see how that all plays out.

Those Alec/Kat dynamics are so on point. I don't think she will feel smothered, so much as freaked out by the intensity and afraid of getting hurt all over again. It definitely fuels some not so great decisions on her part.

Whew! Ok. That was fun. I so love getting unhinged with you. 😂

As always, thanks for reading and sharing. You're reblogs always give me life! 💜😘

Closed Position: Week 4 (Jive Part 1)

Closed Position Masterlist ||| Main Masterlist Dieter Bravo x OFC (Katarina)

Series Summary: Dieter Bravo, now sober, was looking to change his bad boy image after hitting rock bottom. His team hoped that having him join the nationally televised family friendly dance competition, Dancing with the Stars, would be a good first step, if they can keep him out of trouble.

Katarina Stamos expected her last season as a professional dancer on the show to go the same as it had for the past thirteen seasons. That all changed when she was partnered with the infamous Dieter Bravo.

Dieter and Katarina are reluctantly thrown into their partnership and must learn to work together to succeed in the competition. In the process they form a deeper connection beyond the dance floor that neither anticipated.

Chapter Word Count: 12.1k

👉 Warnings: Themes dealing with intimate partner violence, past alcohol abuse, and past drug abuse. There will be fluff, tears, spicy language, and smut. This will be a slow burn. Read at your own risk. Dieter Bravo comes with his own warnings.

👉 Chapter Warnings: Dieter being Dieter. Gratuitous use of the "f" word and talk about Dieter’s member. Cat and Plant dad Dieter cuteness. Brief mentions of intimate partner violence (more protective Dieter).

Chapter Quote: "It’s gonna be a real test of your stamina."

Katarina’s POV

I was taken aback by Dieter’s reaction to Alec’s attempted apology. I knew he had been upset about the incident, but I wasn’t expecting an outright dismissal from him. There was, however, a small part of me that was internally cheering over it. No one had ever challenged Alec like this, and he deserved every bit of it after how he had behaved.

I could tell Dieter was upset when he left the staging area, and I wasn’t buying his excuse of not feeling well. I assumed he just didn’t want to be around Alec. Once I was finally able to slip away from Alec to go check on Dieter, I was shocked to find that he was avoiding me. Something told me that he was hiding out in his dressing room. He wouldn’t come to the door, and he wouldn’t answer my calls or texts. After several minutes of asking around if anyone had seen him, Alec found me. He insisted it was time to head home since the show was over because he felt we needed to spend some time together. I was annoyed with his pushy behavior but relented. I knew it was the right thing to do if I wanted to work on our relationship. As I was walking to my car, I could see that Dieter’s was still in its spot, so he definitely hadn’t left.

On my drive home, I tried calling Dieter again. Still no answer. I had a terrible feeling in the pit of my gut that was making me uneasy. I was half tempted to blow Alec off and drive straight to Dieter’s house to wait for him to get home. I glanced in my rear-view mirror as I waited at a red light. I could see Alec in his car behind me. It looked like he was talking to someone on speakerphone. I couldn’t help wondering who he would be talking to right now. The sick feeling I was having seemed to get a little worse with that thought. I suddenly felt like I was making all of the wrong decisions today and didn’t fully understand why.

Once we got to my house, I started making dinner. I had leftovers we could have eaten, but I saw it as an opportunity to avoid Alec for a little longer while he sat on the couch watching TV. I didn’t say much while we ate. He was doing enough talking for the both of us. He made sure to tell me how the “guys” were bugging him about going out tonight, but he would rather spend time with me instead. He also made a point to say he was avoiding them so he wouldn’t be pressured into drinking. If it was actually true, then good for him, but honestly, it sounded rehearsed and disingenuous. It felt like he was trying to say all the right things to placate me. At this point, I felt so jaded by him, I realized that I couldn’t really believe a word he said. Why did I do this to myself? I had an out. I should have taken it.

When we were finished eating, I did the dishes. Then, without a word, I went to take a shower, locking the bathroom door behind me. The shower lasted way longer than it should have, but the warm water was soothing and worked the tension out of my body. My mind wandered back to Dieter. I couldn’t understand why he was ignoring me like this. It was so unlike him.

I stood under the shower head, frozen in place as I stared at the wall, thinking back to the previous week. The time that I had spent with Dieter outside of the dance studio had been so refreshing. I quickly realized that I liked being with him while doing mundane things. He always seemed to be in a good mood and genuinely seemed to enjoy his time with me. Even doing something as simple as going to the pet store with him was enjoyable and honestly, had my stomach in a flutter the entire time.

That feeling only intensified when he asked me over to his place. A little voice in my head told me that going over there might not be a good idea, like it was stepping over some invisible line that had been drawn between us. I entertained the thought for mere seconds before charging over that line without looking back as I agreed to his plans.

That voice shouted at me once again when I saw the incoming facetime call from him as I was lying in bed that night after leaving the pet store. I wasn’t expecting him to call after sending a text to check in on the new cat food. I hesitated, watching it ring for what seemed like an eternity before finally accepting the call. I forgot my words as I took in his appearance. It looked like he was shirtless, and his hair was more disheveled than normal, like he had been tugging at it with his fingers. I briefly wondered if it would look like that after I ran my hands through it, or would it be worse? We both silently stared at each other through the screen for several seconds before he spoke up and finally snapped me out of my trance.

As usual, he kept me laughing during our call. Dramatically complaining about the cat tree he was struggling to put together. I offered to help him with it before I even realized what I was saying. He propped his phone up to free his hands and give me a wide view of what he was doing. Who knew that watching a very attractive shirtless actor put together a cat tree could be so captivating? I kept getting distracted by the soft waves of hair hanging down over his eyes as he worked, or the way the muscles in his arms and chest would tighten as he pushed down on and twisted the screwdriver, or the way his gym shorts would ride up his thighs when he would squat down to pick something up.

Fucking hell Kat, this is not the time to be getting hot and bothered. The guy is avoiding you. I huffed, feeling frustrated with myself for allowing my mind to go down that path right now. It probably didn’t help that I hadn’t actually done anything to scratch that itch in a while.

Once out of the shower, I got ready for bed. I was still feeling a little worked up, so when Alec crawled into bed behind me and began to suggestively rub my back and kiss down the side of my neck, I gave in. Turning my head to kiss him as his hand roamed my body, eventually slipping down the front of my shorts to rub at my center. I wiggled against him, attempting to guide him to the right spot, but failed. Jesus Christ, this guy needs a fucking map and a compass. How is he still this clueless? Out of frustration, I grabbed his hand and guided him to where it needed to be. He mistook the action for eagerness, pushing my hand away and telling me that I could come when he was ready for me to - that he was going to take care of me. Like that's gonna happen at this rate. It seemed more like a half-assed attempt to please me just so he could get what he wanted.

The longer he went on doing whatever the fuck it was he was doing, the more my mood soured. I could tell he was getting frustrated that I was taking too long. I could have faked it like I often did for his sake, but instead, I stopped him. Suggesting that we just go to bed, citing that I was too tired from the long day of filming and that it was making it hard for me to fully get into it. He wasn’t happy about it, but agreed, turning over to shut off the lights as he settled in on the opposite side of the bed.

I wasn’t sure how much longer I could do this with him. His actions didn’t align with his words most of the time and I still couldn’t trust him. Also, he fucking sucked in bed. At one time, I had been willing to overlook that, but now it was beyond frustrating. Especially since it seemed more about his needs rather than both of ours and his unwillingness to try and make it better for me.

I laid there in silence, listening to Alec’s breathing deepen and eventually turn into soft snores. I couldn’t help letting my mind wander back to Dieter. I really hoped he was OK. The more I thought about it, the more upset he seemed. There was something about the look in his eyes that scared me. Did something else happen that I didn’t know about? I really hoped he hadn’t been triggered by something that was possibly threatening his sobriety.

My mind began to file through the memories of the last few days. Particularly our evening together at his house. It was now clear to me that he was a very sensitive person. I could tell that from being in his home, among his things, his paintings, and after seeing the way he cared for his plants and Zee. I briefly wondered if perhaps his feelings for me were evolving like mine seemed to be for him. It felt like there had been some serious tension between us that night. I had even caught myself flirting a little, and he was possibly reciprocating it. The way he had looked at me and touched me as he was getting into the cabinet caused my breath to catch in my throat. In that brief moment, I considered what it would be like to grab him and kiss him, but the moment passed as I somehow managed to talk some sense into myself.

There were several things that he had said to me that day that seemed to be flirting, but this was also Dieter Bravo we’re talking about. The man did not have a filter, so it was sometimes hard to tell if he was just being his cocky self. Maybe those two things are one and the same for him?

My mind then drifted to thoughts of his paintings and drawings. They were all so amazing. He really was talented and seeing the transformation his artwork had taken since he became sober really struck a chord with me. I could see the changes in him through his paintings in particular. I was honestly shocked he had allowed me into his art studio and what he called his “sanctuary”. They seemed like very personal spaces, and he gave me free reign to look through them. It was clear that he trusted me, which meant so much to me.

What I did not expect was to find that he played the guitar. I shocked myself when I moved to share that part of me with him. Alec hadn’t even really seen it. That was a part of me that I locked away after my dad passed, mostly because it just brought up too many memories. They were happy ones, but hard to think about just the same because I didn’t have him here to play and sing with anymore.

It felt good to pick up that guitar. It felt even better when Dieter did the same and started playing. I didn’t hesitate to join in on the song, singing along as he played. Then eventually joining in on playing too. I was almost dumbfounded when he started singing. Was there anything that beautiful man couldn’t do? He sounded amazing. His voice was smooth like honey, so raw and expressive. I was completely mesmerized by him, staring into his soulful eyes as he belted out a verse. I could feel his voice vibrating throughout my entire body as we connected in a way I had never connected with anyone else. It was this moment that had me reevaluating my entire life. It felt like there was something between us that I couldn’t begin to describe or understand. Then the spell was broken, and he suddenly seemed distant - mentioning how late it was.

I brushed away those new feelings at that point, telling myself that it was nothing. Yet, I found myself feeling oddly protective and jealous when Anika of all people asked him to go out after the show. It wasn’t so much the protectiveness that surprised me, but the jealousy. I realized at that point that this was becoming a problem because I had no right to feel that way. I was technically still with Alec and Dieter was not mine. I got all in my head about it after that, reasoning with myself that it had more to do with protecting his sobriety than anything, but now I’m starting to realize that may not be the case. I care about him, deeply.

Since the beginning, we had a natural chemistry when dancing together. It was unlike anything I had ever experienced with a partner, including when Alec and I first got together. At the time, I didn’t think it could get any better than that. But with Dieter, it was something else entirely. I couldn’t explain or understand it. Every week it had only gotten more intense, and it didn’t show any signs of slowing. I couldn’t ignore it anymore or deny how it was making me feel.

It had been obvious to me that I found Dieter to be physically attractive, but it was quickly turning into so much more than that. Every trait that I found lacking in Alec, be it personality wise or emotionally, Dieter had. He was quickly helping me realize what I wanted and what I needed to be happy, and he gave it all so willingly that it was hard not to fall for him. Is that what this was, me falling for him?

I think part of me had known all along, but I was too afraid to admit it. I found myself wondering if he was feeling it too. Surely his subtle flirting wasn’t all in my head. Not that any of it mattered, I still had Alec and I had committed to giving him one last chance. So, there was no reason to even be thinking about any of this.

I glanced over at the clock, I had been laying here for an hour with my mind swirling with questions and analyzing every interaction Dieter and I ever had. I really needed to get to sleep. I checked my phone one last time, still no response. I sighed, then closed my eyes, finally dozing off. My last thought was of Dieter, hoping he was ok.

Dieter’s POV

When I woke up on Tuesday, I felt like shit after having stayed up half the night painting away my feelings. It was the first time I had painted since training had started for the show. It felt good, even though I really needed sleep. I wasn’t even sure what I was painting until an hour into it. Staring at the curves in brilliant red and light bronze tones surrounded by meshed shades of dark blues, pinks, purples, and white, I realized it was Kat that I was looking at. A view of her from behind, wearing that red dress as she danced with her arms raised. Of course it was. I had declared her to be my new muse after all. Her curves and the way her hips moved had been haunting my thoughts since day one. It was only a matter of time before images like this started pouring out of me onto the canvas. I was honestly shocked it had taken this long.

The paint slowly transitioned from an abstract mesh of colors to a more realistic dreamy appearance as the image solidified in my mind. It wasn’t my usual style, but I didn’t hate it. I was about to start adding in the finer details when I realized how late it was. I called it a night and made it to bed around 2 AM, but it still took me another hour to fall asleep. The 7 AM alarm was quickly approaching, which only made me more anxious in my attempts to doze off and exacerbated the sleeplessness. Once Zee curled up at my side, her soft purrs and comforting presence eventually eased me into an unrestful slumber.

When the alarm did finally go off, I awoke feeling groggy and discontent. My emotions were all over the place, creating the urge to talk to someone about it before I spiraled into darkness. I could feel those old cravings lingering in the back of my mind, waiting for me to slip up. So, I pulled up Dr. Smith’s contact information and typed out a quick message asking if I could see her sometime today, preferably this morning. My weekly meeting was already scheduled with her for the following day, but I couldn’t wait. I needed to see her today. Sensing my urgency, she was able to schedule me for 10:30 AM, which meant I would have to skip out on my early lunch with Kat. It was probably for the best because I wasn’t sure if I could handle being alone with her and still carry a conversation without turning into a sulking puddle. At least during rehearsals, I would have the dancing to focus on rather than her and how she was still with that asshole.

I spent a few minutes cuddling Zee, listening to her purrs and quiet mewls of appreciation for the scratches I gave her. With a loud huff, I finally drug myself out of bed and headed for the shower to get ready for our weekly production meeting. I was in no mood for Stacia and Joe’s bullshit this morning. I stood under the hot stream, silently hoping they would keep things professional for once. If they started pushing their “romantic relationship” agenda again, there was a good chance I may snap. I couldn’t handle it today.

I didn’t even bother to dress nice like I normally would. Really, what was the point? I was going to rehearsals after the meeting anyway. I opted for black sweatpants, a fitted gray t-shirt, hat, and glasses instead of contacts. At least this casual look wasn’t ratty looking with holes and stains for once. It was more on the stylish sportswear side than anything.

Once I was dressed, I quickly made Zee’s breakfast, grabbed my gym bag, then headed out the door toward Television City Studios. I stopped on the way for my usual cup of coffee. I second guessed getting Kat’s usual order, silently berating myself for acting like a lovesick puppy as I waited in line. As I exited the building with two to-go cups in hand, I noticed paparazzi hanging around and snapping pictures. It’s too fucking early for this shit. Why are they even here? I sighed, trying my best to ignore them as I walked the short distance to my vehicle.

Minutes later, I entered the lobby of my destination. My eyes immediately scanned the room to find Kat. I didn’t see her. My shoulders dropped at the realization that she wasn’t here yet. She was always early. My mind jumped to the memory of Alec asking Kat to let him come home with her, so he could “show her how sorry” he was. My stomach turned. I felt sick all over again as I moved to sit in one of the cushy chairs and sat the two coffees down on the nearby end table.

After looking around the room for a few minutes, I pulled out my phone to scroll through Instagram. Several posts from the Dieter and Kat hashtag filled my feed that included pictures and videos from the Latin club. I knew how it felt when we were dancing that night, but I hadn’t considered how it looked. It did not look like two friends hanging out and having fun. Instead, it looked like two people eye-fucking each other while getting a little too up close and personal on the dance floor. Did we always look like that? Is this what Alec saw that had him so angry? I could see why he was upset, but that still didn’t give him any right to treat Kat the way he did.

My scrolling was interrupted by Kat breathlessly rushing in like she was running late. I glanced at the time, our meeting wasn’t scheduled to start for another ten minutes. She sank down in the seat beside me as she blew air out through her cheeks.

I raised an eyebrow in her direction, “Everything OK?” I asked.

She rolled her eyes, “Yeah…I just feel frazzled this morning. I overslept and it went downhill from there.”

“Long night?” I bit the inside of my cheek, already regretting my question.

She sighed, “Not really. I mean, I had to put up with Alec and his snoring, but I also just couldn’t sleep. I had a lot on my mind.”

I realized she was avoiding my gaze. Her eyes were looking everywhere but in my direction. I leaned forward in my seat, into her line of sight. Her brow furrowed as she looked me over.

“Whatta bout you, are you ok? I was worried after you left last night. What happened?”

I shrugged. Now it was my turn to avoid her gaze, “I just wasn’t feeling well. I guess it finally hit me after the adrenaline rush wore off.”

She pursed her lips, “Why didn’t you answer any of my calls or texts? I was half tempted to drive over to your place to check on you. Are you sure you’re good?”

Wait. Does she think I relapsed? “I’m sorry, my phone was on silent. I didn’t see your messages until late. I didn’t wanna wake you. I’m fine. I promise. I was just feeling a little nauseous.”

She chewed on her bottom lip as she continued to stare at me for a beat, “You look tired, did you get any rest?”

The way she was looking at me literally took my breath away. All I could manage was a shake of the head before clearing my throat and reaching for her coffee on the table beside me. I needed to change the subject, “I got you some coffee. Sounds like we both need it.”

She took it from me as she mumbled a quiet “thanks”. Her eyes focused on the cup in her hands for a time. Her brows knitted together, indicating she was deep in thought. I hated seeing her like this. She seemed conflicted or frustrated about something. I sat back in my seat and sighed, propping my chin on my hand and staring out a nearby window. I could sense a weird tension between us now and I hated it. Or was that all in my head? I wasn’t sure.

When I turned back toward Kat, she was staring at me. Her lips were slightly pursed, and her brow arched as her eyes took me in.

My brows drew downward as I gave her a nervous smile, “Why are you looking at me like that?”

A smile tugged at her lips, “I’ve never seen you in glasses or a hat. It’s just different…”

My brows now shot up into my hairline, “Is that bad? I know I look like a slob this morning…”

She shook her head, “No…it’s not bad at all. I actually like the glasses. I prefer the soft and wavy hair look, but I could get behind the hat too. It's growing on me.”

My face heated from her words. I couldn’t tell if she was teasing me or hitting on me. As I gave her a look of what I’m sure was confusion, we were interrupted by a production assistant letting us know Stacia and Joe were ready for us in the conference room.

Stacia and Joe greeted us from their seats behind the large table with their usual sneaky smiles. It never failed to amaze me how they always looked like they were up to something. Once we got through the pleasantries, Joe got down to business, a sly smirk still on his face.

“Since you two are one the favorites this season, we wanted to check in with you about your social media posting. We’d like to see you posting more behind the scenes stuff to create some buzz for the show.”

I snorted, “So, you want free promotion? Is that what you’re saying?”

Kat sighed beside me and sunk down in her seat.

Stacia smiled, “Didn’t you read your contract? You’re obligated to do certain promotional activities. Social media posts are one of them.”

I rolled my eyes, “Yeah, but we’ve made a couple of posts. I’m pretty sure the contract doesn’t say how much or what type of stuff we have to post.”

Stacia’s smile widened, “You’re right. It doesn’t give specifics. It says it’s at the discretion of the executive producers. Consider this to be our discretion. We want more posts from you two…from rehearsals or if you happen to be hanging out for lunch…or whatever, just snap a pic and post it. It doesn’t have to be a big deal.”

I glanced over at Kat, her nostrils flared as a crease formed between her brows. It was obvious to both of us. They were still pushing their agenda, though they were being less obvious with their intentions. They knew all they had to do was create the perception that something was going on between us. Even if it was a subtle one, it would still have the intended effect with viewers.

I could feel the anger rolling off Kat, but she stayed quiet beside me. They had us backed into a corner on this one.

I sighed, “Alright, fine. More social media posts. Got it.”

They both smiled smugly at us, having won that argument. Joe tapped on the table, “Alright. Good. So…the next thing is, we’re gonna start shooting some backstage footage during the live show going forward. It will help fill some of the airtime as couples are voted off. We just wanted to give you a heads up on that because there will be cameras in the staging area and maybe even in hair and makeup too.”

My mind briefly drifted back to how Kat and I had stood together with our arms around each other to watch the other performances during the last show. Then there was our pre-performance ritual too. Stacia and Joe had noticed it, I just knew it. They wanted to get it on camera for the world to see because it played into their agenda. I suddenly felt like there wasn’t anything that we could do that couldn’t be twisted to look how they wanted it to. It was frustrating and pissed me off. We couldn’t even just enjoy our time together and be friends without it being twisted into something else.

Neither Kat nor I said anything in response to this new development, but I could sense she was feeling the same as I was about it. Her tense body language told me everything I needed to know. Once Stacia realized we didn’t have any comments on that, she started shuffling through her binder, for I assume, the mockups of our costumes.

“This week we’re doing a 50’s theme…so all of the music and costumes will be inspired by that time period.”

She slid the drawings over to us. They had Kat in some short black high-waisted shorts, a black and white striped shirt, and a 50’s pin-up model hair style. Mine was the typical white t-shirt, jeans, and leather jacket of that era with slicked back hair.

“We have you guys scheduled to do the Jive to Jailhouse Rock. Do you have any objections?”

Kat again didn’t say anything, she just shook her head. I did the same as I slid the mockups back toward Stacia.

Not much more was said between us after that. Kat and I soon found ourselves exiting toward the lobby. We were silent most of the way. She finally turned to me when it seemed we were away from everyone, “Do they think we’re that fucking stupid? I know what they’re trying to do.”

I shrugged, “Yeah, but it is what it is, I guess. Not much we can do about it. They’re gonna do what they do.”

I hated what they were doing as much as her, but honestly, it wasn’t the thing that was really bothering me at that moment. Seeing Kat so angry about being associated with me romantically felt like another punch to the gut, even though it shouldn’t. She was engaged to someone else for fucks sake. She should be upset about it. It wasn’t like anything had actually changed between us. I was just being delusional.

I watched as Kat sighed and ran her hand through the top of her hair out of frustration, “I don’t understand why they can’t just let things happen naturally and stop forcing this shit. It’s not fair to us.”

What the hell does that mean? I stared at her, unblinking and confused by her words. Her eyes widened slightly, “I just mean, they shouldn’t force cast members into situations is all I’m saying. It’s an asshole move.”

I nodded along, agreeing with her half-heartedly. I felt so confused.

She chewed on her cheek for a beat, then shook her head, dismissing the conversation all together. “You’re right. It doesn’t matter. It’s not worth our energy to worry about it…” She paused, then sighed before continuing, “So, where do you wanna go for lunch today? There’s a diner…”

I held up my hand to stop her, “I’m sorry…I can’t have lunch with you today.”

Confusion clouded her features and she looked almost…disappointed? She frowned, “Why not?”

“I-I…have an appointment with my therapist.” I paused, watching the look on her face change to one of concern. I suddenly felt like I needed an explanation. “It was the only time our schedules lined up this week…I go once a week.” Stop fucking rambling, Bravo. She seemed relieved now that she knew it was a routine visit, even though it really wasn’t.

“Oh…you didn’t have to tell me all that. It’s good to hear your going though.”

I forced a smile, “Yeah…so I’ll see you after that. I may be a few minutes late though…because of traffic.”

She nodded, “That’s fine. No big deal. You want me to pick you up some lunch then?”

I shook my head, “Na, I’m good. Thanks for the offer though.”

The way she was looking at me made me feel almost uneasy. I felt like she could see right through me, like she knew what was going through my head. I’m sure it was just my paranoia about her realizing my feelings toward her, but that thought didn’t make it any better.

I looked down at my watch, “Oh shit, I need to go. I’ll see you in a bit, yeah?” She gave me a small smile as we said a quick goodbye.

A short time later, I sat down in a chair in front of Dr. Smith as she asked what was going on. I was fidgety, rubbing the tops of my thighs nervously as I thought of the best way to explain it all. I thought it best to start with the events from last week, filling her in about how Kat and I had gone to the club then the subsequent incident that took place with Alec after. She listened intently as I explained how I had been worried about Kat’s safety and what an asshat Alec is. I paused for a beat, trying to decide on the best way to explain everything after that when she interrupted my thoughts with an unexpected question.

“Did seeing that bring up any feelings or memories related to your parents? Is that why you’re so upset?”

Honestly, my past family drama hadn’t even crossed my mind. I shook my head, “No…I mean I guess it did in that I know what those types of people are like. It makes me worried for her safety.”

Dr. Smith stared at me, she looked confused.

“I’m in love with her,” I blurted out. No sense in sugar coating it at this point.

Her eyes widened, “Well…that escalated quickly.”

I shook my head, “No, not really. I’ve had feelings from day one. I only just realized what it was yesterday when she agreed to give that asshole another chance. After our time together last week, I really thought she would tell him to fuck off.”

“Your time together? What do you mean?”

I realized I hadn’t gotten to that part yet, so I launched into it. Detailing our trip to the pet store, the facetime call, dinner at my place. The vibes between us and how it was making me feel. All of it.

“I know a relationship isn’t the best idea right now because I need to focus on my sobriety, but I swear this is different. It’s not an urge for a casual hookup…like…I want to be with her, and I don’t mean that in a sexual way. I want all the mundane domesticated stuff too.”

Dr. Smith sighed, “Can I be honest with you?”

“Of course!”

She leaned forward, “I had a feeling this was coming. I’m a fan of the show, so yes, I’ve been watching. It’s obvious you two have chemistry. That’s why I keep asking about her. The fact that you were avoiding the topic told me that something was going on inside that brain of yours.”

Damn, I knew that would come back to bite me.

“I am a little shocked to hear all of this has been going on. Her situation is concerning, but she’ll have to make the decision to leave on her own. The best you can do is continue to offer her support and hope she comes around.”

I started rubbing at the back of my neck, “But what am I supposed to do about how I feel? I’ve never felt like this about anyone before and the whole situation is giving me anxiety. I think I almost had a panic attack last night.”

Dr. Smith clasped her hands under her chin as she thought through her next words, “I’m torn about how to approach this…because I do worry about codependency. Especially if she’s currently in an unhealthy relationship and has been for that long. It could cause some unhealthy habits between the two of you.”

I shook my head, “No. It’s not like that with her. I’m confident that’s not an issue. I mean…we tend to look out for each other, and she would totally call me out on my shit. Everything is different with her. I don’t know how to explain it…Her dad was sober after struggling for a while, so she gets what I’m going through with that. She’s been very supportive.”

Dr. Smith nodded and pursed her lips as she took in my words, “Maybe you should tell her how you’re feeling.”

She said it like it was the simplest thing in the world. Like it wouldn’t completely change everything between Kat and me.

“What if she doesn’t feel the same way though? It will completely ruin our friendship. And…I don’t want to put her in that situation. She’s engaged to someone else…remember?”

She sighed, “Dieter, I’m not really sure what you came here looking for. I can’t tell you what to do about the situation. The only thing I can help you do is to work through your feelings. It’s clear you have strong feelings toward her. My main concern is you and if it’s causing an urge to use again.”

I puffed air out of my cheeks, “I mean…I had a brief moment this morning where I thought it would be nice to be numb to it all. That was the main thing that prompted me to come in. I just wanted to talk it out with someone. It was the first time I’ve had that thought in weeks…I’m just a fucking pansy who can’t handle any kind of feelings.”

She gave me an admonishing look, not approving of my negativity toward myself.

“Sorry…but it’s just facts.” I added.

“Dieter, you are perfectly capable of handling it. You just need to learn how. You’ve made so much progress already…I hope you realize that. I would expect you to have a hard time with something like this. It’s new and different. So, don’t be so hard on yourself. This is all part of the human experience and completely normal emotions to be having.”

I nodded. She wasn’t wrong. I had come a long way from where I had been. The old Dieter probably would have relapsed and never even made it to the first rehearsal. Or if he had made it this far, he would have completely gone on a bender last night without a second thought. I did need to give myself some credit.

I sighed, “You’re right. I have made progress. I’ll do better to think more positively about myself in that respect.”

She smiled, “Good. Now, how do you plan to deal with this going forward? I can talk you through that.”

I shrugged, “I guess…I’ll play it by ear and see what happens? Nothing has really changed. I’m just not really sure how to act around her. I don’t feel like I can be as open with her knowing she’s back with that douche bag. I think I just got my hopes up…ya know what I mean?”

Dr. Smith nodded, “I feel like that’s a good way to deal with it. It sounds like you two do have a good friendship, so try not to let this come between you as far as that goes. I do think she’s been good for you in that sense and as long as you’re managing your expectations you can handle it. For now, just focus on being a supportive friend to her. Maybe that will eventually pay off.”

My time with Dr. Smith was up soon after that. I did feel a little better after having talked it through with someone. It made me feel a little less crazy for the reaction I had - to know that it was actually normal emotions that I was experiencing. At least I had a plan with how to go forward. I just hoped I could stick to it without making an ass of myself or causing issues for Kat.

After leaving my appointment, I stopped for some fast food and ate in the parking lot. My mind kept wandering to Kat no matter how hard I tried to focus on other things. The thought of her going home with Alec the previous night was eating away at me. They had clearly spent the night together. It was making me feel sick all over again. I ended up trashing half of my greasy ass food before heading over to the studio to get started on this week’s routine.

Kat had already started working on the routine while she waited for me to arrive. She didn’t make a big deal out of my appointment, which I appreciated. Only asking if I was feeling ok. Somehow, I got the sense that she knew I was completely full of shit about why I suddenly had therapy this morning. I just hoped she hadn’t figured out the reasons for it.

We started the way we always did, by listening to our music arrangement and discussing what we wanted to convey with our performance. Then Kat moved into teaching me the basics of the dance since it was new.

“So, the Jive is a little different and is one of the more difficult dances because of the quick footwork. In ballroom it’s considered to be a Latin style dance, however, it’s also part of the swing dance family too. It’s known for its upbeat energy and requires high knee lifts and a lot of hip swinging. It’s gonna be a real test of your stamina.”

I raised a brow at her, and she chuckled. Seriously? I was tempted to make a joke but refrained.

“So, we’re gonna be using both open and closed positions for it. We’ll be doing a triple step with downward leg movements. You have to be sort of bouncy with it. On the finish, legs should be straight with an upright posture.”

She did her usual demonstration as she explained it. She wasn’t wrong, it did look a little more complicated. Even more so when she did it at the speed in which the dance required. It took me a bit to get the footwork down, but I finally caught on. We spent the rest of the afternoon planning out the routine, though I wasn't very engaged. I was unusually quiet and unable to focus on anything other than Kat being with that asshole. From the way she kept eyeing me, I knew she could tell something was up. I hoped that she wouldn’t ask, because I couldn’t lie to her if she asked point blank. Thankfully she didn’t.

The hours seemed to pass by quickly once we finally got into a groove. My sour mood didn’t abate, but at least I was able to focus on the task at hand. Once our studio time was up, I said a quick goodbye to Kat and moved to leave, instead of waiting around to walk out with her. She didn’t give me a chance to get out the door before calling out to me. I took a deep breath before turning to face her as she approached and placed her hand on my arm.

“I’m not gonna ask how you’re feeling again…but if you need anything…please call me. I don’t care what time it is. OK?”

The worry in her eyes nearly broke me. It was obvious that she truly cared about me. I would never question that. I felt a lump forming in my throat as I considered telling her everything, just so she wouldn’t worry. I looked away, clearing my throat before speaking.

“I promise, I’m good. I’m just…working through some things.”

She nodded, the sad look still in her eyes as she released my arm. I gave her a small smile and pulled her in for a side hug. I couldn’t leave her looking like that. It seemed to do the trick as she appeared more relaxed when I pulled away. After another quick goodbye, I headed out and went home.

After having leftovers for dinner, I spent some time checking in with my plants. As I was painting the previous night, I noticed that Goldie, one of my large hanging Pothos plants, was looking a little withered. Now that I thought about it, I couldn’t remember the last time I had actually watered her. I had moved her to the art studio away from Zee and sort of forgot about her hanging in the corner. Realizing that I had potentially neglected the viny greenery made me feel like shit. After providing just the right amount of hydration from my rainwater collection barrel, I spent a good hour clipping back the stems and gently dusting each of her leaves. It made me feel better to watch her perk up before my eyes. It also helped me relax and gain a little mental clarity about everything.

As I had said to Dr. Smith, nothing had really changed about our situation. Kat had never split from Alec. Therefore, there was no reason to try and patch up the wall that was slowly being chipped away between us. There was nothing wrong with us getting closer as friends. Though, I did have to weigh any emotional trauma that might come with that. However, I reasoned it was worth it if that meant keeping Kat in my life long term. Even if it was only as friends.

After checking in with the rest of the plants in the art studio, I got ready to go to sleep. Zee was already in bed waiting for me when I came out of the bathroom. It had become sort of a nighttime ritual to have some cuddles before we both zonked out.

Since I had met with Dr. Smith a day earlier, we canceled my Wednesday appointment. That meant I had the entire morning to do nothing until our evening rehearsal time. I took advantage of it and did not set an alarm - allowing myself to sleep in for once. Not that I got to sleep in too much later. Zee was on a schedule that she would not let me forget. It was nearing 9AM when I felt her pounce on top of me and meow loudly in my face. Which was just as good because I was almost positive I was having a dream I shouldn’t have been having about Kat. My morning wood corroborated that thought.

After groaning and grumbling loudly, I finally got out of bed and made my way downstairs to make Zee’s breakfast. Once she was finished, she hopped up on her cat tree and indulged in her favorite pastime, bird watching. I rolled my eyes and shook my head as I passed by her to go back to bed. After settling back in, I grabbed my phone for some morning social media scrolling.

Since following the ‘Dieter and Kat’ hashtag, my feed was now populating more and more posts related to us. I ended up going down another rabbit hole, looking at videos of our past two performances and behind the scenes rehearsal clips for the first time. There was no question about it, the chemistry between us was off the charts from the start, and not just while we were dancing. I almost didn’t recognize myself watching the way I interacted with her during the rehearsal clip from last week. I figured this is what people mean when they say you have hearts in your eyes. I looked like a lovesick fool.

I sighed, “Fucking hell, Bravo. You’re down bad, dude.”

I let last week's rehearsal clip play again, this time focusing on Kat. It was different seeing things from an outsider’s perspective. Seeing it like this made it obvious that Kat had the same energy toward me. I knew she wasn’t like this with other people, not even with Alec. The way she looked at me sometimes when we were dancing hadn’t gone unnoticed by me. However, to see her body language and the way she looked at me when I wasn’t paying attention was a whole other can of worms. I watched her watching me while I was focused on my foot work. Her eyes were sparkling as they roamed up and down my body, a small smirk playing on her lips. Then she would move in to correct my posture, pushing between my shoulder blades or change the positioning of my arms. Most would probably assume she was just minding my form, but some of her touches were lingering and even unnecessary given that she could provide verbal corrections.

Seeing this made me realize that Kat was definitely into me. It’s no wonder Alec was so worried. The sparks were there for the world to see even though we were doing our best to keep them from turning into blazing flames. It felt almost inevitable at this point. A part of me felt pretty damn smug about it. The other part made me even more concerned that Alec would do something incredibly stupid. My only hope was that he would have a major fuck up and make Kat realize she needed to dump his ass before anything bad happened to her.

I continued down my rabbit hole, clicking hashtags for the show to see where they led me. I eventually came to a post with the hashtag ‘Dieterina’. I snorted, busting into laughter over it. We officially had one of those cheesy celebrity couple names. Kat was going to love that. I briefly wondered what she would do if I used it on a post but thought better of it. For now, anyway…

My scrolling activities were briefly interrupted by Zee jumping on the bed and rubbing her face against my hands for pets, nearly knocking the phone out of my grasp. Once I got her situated beside me, I continued scratching her with one hand and scrolling with the other. Her soft purrs filled the silence as I dug further into the ‘Dieterina’ posts. It seemed we had a lot of shippers who enjoyed sharing screenshots of our performances. Shots that were timed just right to look as intimate as possible. I had to admit, we looked amazing together. I now understand why Stacia and Joe were all over it too. It seemed to be a big fucking deal, even with us trying to avoid it.

I sighed and dropped my phone on the bed beside me, turning to Zee to cuddle her fully.

“There’s something there, Zee. I fucking know it. I’m just gonna bide my time and wait for that asshole to fuck up again. I know he will. He can’t help himself. When he does, I’m gonna be there for her…and I’ll tell her how I’m feeling when the time's right. For now…I’m just gonna go off her vibes, like I have been.”

Zee nuzzled into my chin, mewling quietly in response. Her presence helped calm me. It was almost like she knew that I needed it. I was suddenly thankful that this little menace had forced her way into my life. Having her here was a huge positive impact on me mentally. I wondered if she knew? If she could sense it? Is that why she wouldn’t leave? I pondered that thought as I dozed off again.

I woke up a little after noon, shocked at how well I had slept after falling back to sleep. I felt refreshed and ready to deal with whatever the rest of the day brought. After taking a quick shower and throwing on shorts and a t-shirt, I headed to the dance studio for our afternoon rehearsal time. I was surprised to find Alec in our studio space when I entered. It looked like they were just finishing up with a late lunch. I gave Kat a small wave and tight smile as I moved to the empty chairs at the opposite end from where they were. She looked guarded as she returned the wave, her eyes following me as I moved to set my gym bag down. I was completely aware of Alec’s gaze as his eyes shifted between Kat and me with a self-satisfied look on his face.

I tried to busy myself with looking for nothing in my bag while they told each other goodbye. I just happened to glance over as Alec leaned in to kiss Kat on the cheek. A cocky look overtook his features as he stared me down through it. Like he was asserting his ownership over her and rubbing it in. Fucking asshole. Kat on the other hand seemed tense, not really leaning into his embrace. Why is she doing this to herself? I don’t understand.

Alec made sure to announce rather loudly that he would see her later this evening. He wanted to make sure I heard. Clearly his attitude hadn’t changed any. Kat watched him leave with a stony face before turning to me and smiling. It was so easy for me to tell that it wasn’t a genuine smile. I could read her so well.

I gave her a half-hearted smile in return. I couldn’t fake it like she could. Her smile faltered, she could read me too.

“Dieter…have I done something to make you mad at me? I just feel like you’ve been a little closed off toward me the last couple of days.”

I sighed, “Mad…no. I could never be mad at you.”

Her brow furrowed, “There is something though, right? What is it?”

I gave her another tight smile, “You really wanna talk about this right now? I’m sure I don’t need to tell you.”

She shook her head, “No, I wanna hear it. Say what you have to.”

I blew air out through my cheeks, “Fine. I’m not mad, I’m disappointed.”

Anger briefly flashed in her eyes, “Why?”

I scoffed, “You really have to ask? That asshole physically assaulted you and treats you like shit. I’ve had people like that in my life and I know what they’re capable of. I don’t want that for you. I don’t want you to get hurt…because believe it or not, I do actually care about your well being.”

Her eyes widened as she placed her hands on her hips, “Is that the only reason?”

What exactly is she asking me? The question took me by surprise, and I didn’t really know how to answer it. No, it’s not, but I can’t say that. I stared at her wide-eyed, “D-Do I really need another reason? Just because we’re friends doesn’t mean I have to like him or approve of it. You’re my only concern in this. He can fuck off.”

Her face softened, she looked conflicted for a moment before finally responding, “I’m sorry, you’re right. You have every reason to feel that way after what you saw. I think I’m taking my frustrations out on you, and I shouldn’t.”

She rubbed her hand through the top of her hair, a nervous habit of hers I noticed.

“Do you regret your decision?” The question was out of my mouth before I had time to consider it.

A sad smile tugged at her lips, “Am I that transparent?”

“To me you are…Why did you do it?”

She chuckled, “Oh…you know me, I believe people can change when given the chance. I’m tired though…all I do is worry and wonder what’s coming next. I think I’m just starting to realize that’s never gonna go away with him…but, I promised him one more chance and I’ll stand by it.”

“Just promise me you won’t let it get bad…that you'll tell me if you need anything.”

She reached up to cup my cheek and smiled. This time it reached her eyes, “You’re too good to me. I don’t deserve it, but I’m glad.”

I couldn’t help leaning into her touch for a brief moment. I felt like there was more she wanted to say but couldn’t. I reached to grab her hand from my face and held it between both of mine, “You deserve the world. You shouldn’t be punished for his shortcomings.”

She nodded, agreeing with my words. The moment felt a little too intimate. She chuckled suddenly, turning away and mock wiping sweat from her brow, “Whew, did we just have our first argument? I don’t like it. Let’s never do that again.”

I laughed loudly and pulled her in for a side hug, burying my face in the top of her hair as I spoke, “I think it was more like a mild disagreement…and I don’t like it either. I’ve missed you.”

I felt her arms snake around my waist and squeeze gently. We sat like that for a beat too long, causing the tension to return between us. She loosened her grip but didn’t let go of me as she raised her head to meet my gaze, “We should probably actually rehearse at some point today.” I chuckled and nodded in agreement.

We got to work after that. The vibes between us quickly shifted back to where they were before. I was right, nothing had changed. We had picked up where we left off. Although, it did appear that a few more chips had fallen from the imaginary wall that separated us.

This rehearsal turned out to be rather productive even though we had a bumpy start. We had the choreography completely figured out by the end of it. The routine was fun and full of energy. Kat kept joking about putting my loose hips to good use and opening with some of the signature Elvis gyrations. I finally gave in. It sent us into a fit of laughter as she showed me how to do it properly. That was how we ended the day, and I was thankful for it. I had missed hearing her laugh like that so damn much. You’d have thought it had been years instead of a couple of days since I heard it last.

As we were gathering our things to leave, Kat paused and turned to me. “What are your plans for dinner?”

I shrugged, “Probably leftovers, why?”

She rolled her eyes, “Well if it’s leftovers you cooked, it’s probably better than what I was about to suggest.”

I gave her a cocky smirk, “Maybe not. What did ya have in mind?”

She returned my smile, “There’s this little mom and pop diner about ten minutes away that I’ve been wanting to try. It’s Greek, but they have typical diner foods too.”

I rubbed my chin, pretending to be in deep thought. “I GUESS I could give it a try…” I said sarcastically. Kat laughed and shoved my shoulder lightly.

“Jerk.”

I cleared my throat, “Is that really a good idea though? I don’t want Alec to get pissed about it.”

She sighed, “He can get mad if he wants. I’ve already told him to get over it. Again, I’m not doing anything with you that I haven’t done with my past dance partners.”

I gave her a cheesy smile, “Yeah, but none of your past dance partners were hot.”

She snorted, “Valid point. Let’s go hot guy, I’m starving.”

Does that mean she thinks I’m hot? Her response shocked me a little. I expected a snarky come back, not that. I followed behind her toward the parking lot in a daze, opening the doors for her as we went. I ended up following her to the diner since I had no idea where we were going. We were parked outside the place within minutes. She gave me a shy smile after she got out of her car, walking over toward me so we could go inside together.

We were seated across from each other in a booth near one of the front windows, thumbing through the menu in silence and stealing glances at each other. She pursed her lips, fighting a smile when I caught her staring over the top of her menu at me.

“So, what are ya gettin?” she finally asked.

“Hmm, I dunno, this place has a little bit of everything. The pasta is looking pretty good.”

“Would you like an appetizer? I kind of wanna try the Spanakopita, but that looks like a lot.”

I chuckled, “I don’t even know what the hell that is…”

She laughed, “It’s like a Greek spinach pie in a flaky pastry crust. It’s really good with tzatziki sauce…usually.”

I wrinkled my nose, “Spinach pie?”

“It’s not as bad as it sounds…my grandma used to make it all the time.” She had a faraway look in her eyes now, seeing some past memory as a sad smile tugged at her lips. It obviously meant something to her.

“Well, then…we have to try it.”

Her eyes lit up, “Really?” I nodded. Then she gasped dramatically, clutching her chest. “Oh. My. God. They have baklava too! I’m gonna feel miserable when I leave here.”

I snorted out a laugh, eventually managing to ask what baklava was.

“It’s a dessert…like a pastry, I guess? Smothered in honey.”

“Mmm, that sounds good actually. You’re right, I think I’m gonna be miserable too.”

She smiled up at me then, her eyes sparkling with excitement.

“Now that I know you like Greek food so much, I’ll have to learn to cook some stuff for you.” Oof, that might have been too forward.

Her smile widened. Maybe not.

“Dieter Bravo, I told you, don’t make promises you don’t intend to keep.”

I chuckled, “I told you I’d cook for you anytime and I enjoy learning new dishes. Besides, I’d love to have you back over. Zee says she needs some more girl time anyway.”

Kat squinted at me, like she was trying to figure out a puzzle, but was interrupted by the waitress coming to take our order. After I asked several questions to narrow down my choice, I settled on the Pastitsio pasta bake and Kat got a Gyro with lamb. Of course, we also got the Spanakopita to share for an appetizer.

As we sat waiting, Kat was distracted by something outside. She stared for a moment before mumbling a low “fuck” under her breath.

My brows furrowed, “What’s wrong?”

She huffed, “I think there are some paparazzi across the street.”

I turned to look in the direction she had been. Sure enough, there were three standing there using long lenses.

It was my turn to huff, “What the hell? They aren’t usually hanging out at a place like this.”

“You think they followed us from the studio?”

I scratched at my chin, “Had to…How else would they know to come here?”

She sighed, “I really hope this doesn’t become a thing. It’s so fucking annoying… can’t even eat in peace.”

I gave her a tight smile, “I’m sorry, I’m sure it’s because of me. They’re just dying to catch me doing something the old Dieter would have done…waiting for me to fail.”

I felt her leg nudge against mine under the table, she didn’t pull it away. It made it hard to focus on anything else but the heat of our bare calves touching.

“Hey, you’re not that person anymore, so fuck them. Just ignore it.”

I managed a small smile in response before we were interrupted by the waitress bringing our drinks and various condiments. I turned my attention to the waitress, “I don’t want to be a bother, but can we close the shade?”

The woman gave me a puzzled look. “There are paparazzi out there taking pictures.” I added.

Her eyes widened, perhaps realizing who we were for the first time. “Absolutely, I can. Would you rather move to a booth in the back? We have one that’s away from everything…it’s more private.”

Kat and I both shook our heads, “Na, I think just closing the shade will be fine…thank you for the offer though.”

She moved to the empty booth behind me so that she could reach the cord and lowered the window covering.

“There you go. Let me know if you guys need anything else. Your food should be out soon.”

She gave us both a warm smile as she walked toward the back.

I shook my head, “Now, let’s see if a sneaky pic of us shows up on their social media later.”

Kat rolled her eyes, “Geeez, I hope not. We might as well not go anywhere at that rate.”

I gave her a toothy smile, “All the more reason for me to cook for us instead.”

She nudged my leg again, peering up at me through her lashes in that way that always takes my breath away, “I’m holding you to that.”

I narrowed my eyes and gave her a cocky grin. The look that passed between us was…something else. I’m not even sure how to describe it, but it definitely made my dick twitch. I finally cleared my throat to break whatever was happening between us, then reached to take a drink of my water just to have something to do so that I wouldn’t get lost in her eyes.

“Speaking of social media…” I finally said as I sat my glass back down. “Have you been paying attention to anything related to the show on there?”

Her eyebrows arched as she shook her head, “No, I try not to get on there too much. Why?”

I chuckled, “Well, we officially have a hashtag now.”

A crease formed between her brows, “What? What do you mean?”

I had to work to hold in my laugh, “You know, those cheesy celebrity couple names? We have one now.”

She rolled her eyes, “Seriously? You’re joking. What is it?” She moved to take a drink through her straw.

“Dieterina.”

She nearly choked on her water as she started laughing, “You have got to be fucking kidding me? Really? Surely there’s something better than that? That’s just…no.”

I had to stifle my laugh, she had the exact reaction that I expected from her.

“I dunno, I mean there are only so many combinations you can do with our names. Kieter? Is it first names only? If not…then Bravos? Stamo? Bramos?”

Kat was trying to hold in her laughs now, “OK. OK. They’re all cheesy. There’s no win here. I can’t…” She continued to laugh as she tried to catch her breath. It was a glorious sight.

“I think imma start using that on our Instagram posts…just to be a punk.”

She shook her head and threw a napkin at my face, “You will not. You might go missing over that one.”

Our appetizer came out soon after that. Kat wasted no time digging in, groaning at the taste of it, and getting little Bravo’s attention in the process, like always. At this rate, I had a feeling that was an issue I would have to take care of when I got home later. I must have been gawking at her like a perv because she froze as her eyes widened. She moved to cover her full mouth with her hand as she spoke, “Why are you looking at me like that?”

I tried to play it off, laughing slightly and shaking my head. “No reason…just watching you make a fool of yourself. I take it that it’s good?”

She shoved what was left of her half eaten spinach and cheese filled triangular shaped piece toward my mouth, “Yes. Try it. Now.”

I laughed, “Geez, so bossy.” I didn’t think twice about what I was doing as I leaned forward and took a bite from the same side she had. She watched me intently, waiting on the edge of her seat for my reaction.

“Well?”

My brows arched upward, “Hmmm. Not bad.”

She scoffed, “Not bad? Are you kidding me? I mean, it’s not as good as my Yaya's was, but it’ll do.”

She popped the rest of the piece I had bitten off of into her mouth, then gave me a cheesy smile.

I loved her like this. She seemed so relaxed and carefree. I also loved that she was sharing bits of her life with me. It made me feel more connected to her somehow.

“How was your Yaya’s different? Maybe I could figure out how to make it like hers.”

Her eyes rounded, “Gosh, I don’t even know how to explain it. I can’t pick out different flavors. It was a little creamier maybe? Or had another type of cheese in it? And maybe some type of herb? I’m not sure. Maybe my sister might know…”

“You have a sister? Older or younger?” I asked.

“Three years older…she lives in North Carolina. I don’t get to see her much.”

I started munching on my own triangle of spinach pie. “Does she look like you?”

She nodded, “Very much so.”

I gave her a sly grin as I arched a brow in her direction, “She single?”

She scoffed, “You better be fucking joking.”

I started laughing, “I am. One hundred percent joking.” I only want you.

She rolled her eyes at me, not amused in the slightest as she pulled out her phone. After tapping at it and scrolling, she showed me a picture of herself hugging a girl who looked very much like her. I took a moment to look at it, mainly focusing on Kat the entire time. She looked genuinely happy in that shot.

“So, you’re the hotter sister. Noted.” I gave her another sly grin before returning to my appetizer.

I could feel her eyes on me, but I didn’t dare look her way. I knew I was pushing the boundaries with that line. I was afraid to see how she had taken it.

Luckily the rest of our food arrived at that moment, breaking whatever tension my comment had caused. After getting our dishes situated on the table that almost wasn’t big enough, we dug in.

“Oh. My. God. You have to try this!” Kat mumbled through a mouth full of food. She held the Gyro over to me for a bite. Clearly, my comment hadn’t bothered her too much. I leaned in for a quick nibble.

“Damn, that is good. I’m getting that next time.”

I started cutting into my baked pasta dish and took a quick bite of the cheesy goodness. “Mmm, maybe not. That’s pretty damn good too. You wanna try it?”

“Oh, yes please!”

I slid my plate toward her, she didn’t hesitate to pick up my fork and take a bite. I don’t know why that was such a fucking turn on, but it was.

She leaned back in her seat, “Fuck. That’s good too. This might be my new favorite place.”

I snickered, pulling my plate back over in front of me. “So, how come you didn’t bring Alec to try this place with you?”

She sighed, “He’s not a very adventurous eater and doesn’t really care for this kind of food. I figured you might appreciate it more.”

I was a little stunned. What an asshat. “So…let me get this right…he’s engaged to marry someone with a Greek heritage, but he doesn’t want to make an effort to experience it with you?”

She chewed on the inside of her cheek, now staring down at her food. I don’t think she had actually realized that until now.

“It’s not something I’ve ever really pushed with him to be honest. I’m sure he would try it if I asked…maybe.”

It was my turn to nudge her leg with mine, leaving it against hers like she had done to me earlier.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

She shook her head, “No…I mean, you’re not wrong. He’s really not. He’s not very supportive in general. That’s something I really should think on.”

Man, fuck this guy. At least it seemed like she was beginning to see where he was lacking. Hopefully that was a good sign.

I changed the subject after that, shifting to sharing Zee’s antics instead. That seemed to cheer her up some. That topic carried us through the rest of our meal until the waitress asked if we wanted dessert. Kat groaned, “I’m so stuffed, but I really want some baklava. You wanna split a piece?”

It was my turn to groan, “Ugh, I guess. You may have to roll me out of here though.”

Kat laughed before confirming our order with the waitress. After the waitress gathered all our other dishes, she left, but returned quickly with one piece of baklava and two forks on a small plate and placed it between us. I realized this sort of felt like a date. Not that I had been on many dates to compare it to, but I imagined it wasn’t far off. It was a little weird given the situation, but it still made me want this with her, for real, even more.

The dessert was good, unfortunately. Which caused Kat to resort to making her moaning noises again as she ate. When she wasn’t moaning, she was licking the fucking honey off the fork. It was a new form of torture.

As we were finishing up, the waitress brought our bill. I grabbed it off the end of the table to pay. Kat grumbled but finally relented and allowed it. Soon after that, we were getting into our respective vehicles to head home for the evening. The paparazzi were still hanging around, so we opted for a smile and wave to say goodbye. Heaven forbid we get close to each other.

The whole ride home, the evening replayed in my mind. The way she kept looking at me. The way it felt to have her leg touching mine through most of the meal. The way she looked licking that fucking fork before sticking it in her mouth. I felt my dick involuntarily twitch.

“Fucking hell. Looks like I have something to take care of when I get home.”

Next: Week 4 (Part 2)

A/N: As you can see, this is only part 1 of week 4. If you haven't figured it out yet, I'm shit at judging the length of chapters based on my outline. 😂 So, yes, you will be getting a part 2 very soon. I'm shooting for posting next week. It's basically done. I just have a little bit left for the ending and proofing...and maybe some fun edits. It will probably end up being around the same word count as this one (maybe a little less). It will also mostly be Kat's POV. Why? Because we will be getting Alec's major fuck up. There may be a little bit from Dieter at the end, we'll see how I end up wrapping it up. Once again, we have a lot going on in week 4. Dieter is going through it after finding out Kat has given Alec another chance. Are we yelling at these two to figure their shit out yet?

We of course had more nonsense from Stacia and Joe. We will get more from them in the second half too. They are pulling all sorts of strings behind the scenes.

We also had some breadcrumbs about Dieter's history. How are we feeling about that? How do you think it could have affected him? How could it affect things going forward?

We also got a little more Cat/Plant Daddy Dieter in this one. Swoon!

Please do share your thoughts and predictions for the second half. You know I love it when you guys yell at me and jump into conspiracy theory mode!

💜Mysty

The video for this chapter is a fun little Jive to Tina Turner’s Rolling On the River. Enjoy!

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