#the confessions and make ups

[trashlie]

FP 215 and 216 + some shippy commentary

Whew boy! It has, yet again, been a while since my last one, and I’ve had SO MANY thoughts rattling around my brain, but I’m so bad at juggling my multiple hobbies. I’ve recently gotten back into learning watercolor painting and having so much fun with it, but there’s such a limited number of hours in a day and I lose hours while I’m painting, aaaaaaahhhh! 

Anyway, I really want to try to gather some thoughts before this week’s ILY update, because my GOD I have LOVED where we’ve been with the story. I know as readers we collectively have looked forward to this never-ending night lol but I feel like there’s so many things I was personally waiting for that are finally coming to fruition and my GOSH it feels so rewarding and so exciting! 

Now, you guys know that I have been chomping at the bit re: Kousuke, but I’m going to save him for a separate post. I’ve been yelling about him a LOT lately and I want to take a break, hehe, and dig into some other aspects, so we’ll be covering FP eps 215 and 216 in this post, but I swear I’m going to try to get my Kousuke thoughts out this week before the next episode drops ;_____; I have... so many thoughts about him and especially Kousuke + Nol as family and enemies aaahhhhhh. But for that - LATER! 

I mean, okay, I guess I do have to touch a little on Kousuke lol and how we got here, since I never really dropped my thoughts about the episodes leading up to this hhhh I’m really behind! Kousuke being his own worst enemy all these years and thus bringing about his own downfall (of sorts) is just sooo poetic. And don’t get me wrong - I have a lot of deep feelings about this because, as we know, while Kousuke has been on a shitty path, there are reasons he ended up there, and the dramatic tragedy of him fighting something that never really existed feels like such a sucker punch. He has spent so long making an enemy of someone who only wanted alliance, and in his quest for Rand’s affection - for his father’s LOVE - he has brought the utmost of disappointment to him. I think it’s worth acknowledging that this was not Kousuke’s intention. He had no intention of punching Nol and fell to his knees when Nol pushed him and jeered so there’s only so much of this I’m willing to pin on him, because I doubt he expected his punch to land so much damage, you know? Nol goaded him and he got more than he bargained for. It’s not so very black and white. 

But regardless of intention, we arrive at a hospital - mercifully not Hirahara Memorial - with Nol in a really, really bad shape, and to no surprise, it is Shinae (and Lil Buddy!) waiting on him to wake. 

I love everything about this for so many reasons! It’s very much a sort of parallel to the night Shinae was in the hospital, with Nol sitting outside the door, except now we so much more friendship between them since then, and shinae doesn’t sit outside his door but is dozing off on the side of his bed. When you think about everything that has happened since that scene, it feels surreal! Nol and Shinae both have been through so much beginning with that harrowing night of the gala. and though Nol has tried to run away, all of it has only brought them closer, whether or not he’s able to admit it. 

And this is actually something that I love so much about these episodes! In the episodes leading to this, at Minhyuk’s party, Nol was so cagey and edgy, all sharp edges and dangerous shadows, as if he was daring her, as if he was trying to see how far he could push. It’s not that he dropped away the Yeonggi mask entirely and revealed who he really is as much as he adopted his Nol persona and pushed it forth. After all, Yeonggi is just as much a part of who he really is, as much as his sharp edges he tried to soften by pushing Yeonggi forward. That’s what we get to see in this episode: he is as much the boy who initially approached Shinae as he is the man who’s tried to push her away, whether or not he’s willing to accept it. Even after confirming their mutual care and respect for each other, Nol (inebriated at that) pointedly shared his darkest, hidden side - and it didn’t scare Shinae off. 

Certainly Shinae was exposed to the most private side of Nol - the darkness and sharp edges he uses to push back against the world, the part of him that he was so desperate to hide - but in these episodes, we see the most authentic aspect of him. Where all the alcohol he drank earlier in the night brought out what some might consider the “worst” of him, I think the morphine drip brings out a more authentic take on Nol. No inhibitions, but no edges, no sharp bites, and just enough honestly that he may regret it later. 

And I love it! I loved seeing how Shinae dealt with such a dark, edgy version of the friend she was so desperate to catch, but I REALLY love getting to see Nol and Shinae return to their roots in these episodes, in terms of their rhythm, their beats, their chemistry. I think they play off each other in such a surprisingly natural way - Nol certainly has been taken by surprise by it before, but I don’t think Shinae is as aware of it. The way she responds to his prank (which is, admittedly, such a dark, cruel prank lol) and turns her own despair around to prank him back was just beautiful, absolute art lol. He’s always had the upperhand, but since climbing up to join her on the rooftop, they stand toe to toe on equal footing. 

But honestly, it’s so nice? To see Nol laugh again? Even if it came to him via a mean prank, even if it’s because he’s so at ease on morphine. Isn’t that so weirdly twisted - this is what it’s taken to bring him a well-deserved moment of peace, for the waters to become placid, even if temporarily. He came so close to dying! And only then has he found his peace. (Very similar to the pool fall at the black and white formal, where he denied himself a different sense of peace.) 

I love their rhythm! How they go back and forth so easily (with Lil Buddy’s assistance heh,.. Nol can’t catch a break!) and they just feel so NATURAL. It’s almost hard to believe that just a few months ago, Shinae wanted nothing to do with him, and now she has been exposed to the most raw and vulnerable parts of who he is, has become acquainted with him in a way that no one else yet has. 

I love it, I love them! There’s a sense of intimacy woven into the episodes, with Nol allowing himself what he’s never before, resting on her should. He is metaphorically as much as literally allowing himself to lean on her, finally, after all the struggles he’s endured alone. After everything he has faced alone, he is allowing himself to share a moment with someone, even if he can’t admit it fully out loud. Would he have done the same if not for the morphine? I guess it’s pretty much a moot question, because we only get to have this moment because of how much he’s endured, finally hitting that limit. He nearly DIED - and he would have, had Kousuke not gone out after him. How far would he have gotten before he collapsed and bled out in the snow, perhaps Rand wouldn’t have even seen him. It’s scary just how close he came to no longer existing. 

So I suppose there may not be a scenario where Nol would allow himself to lean on a friend. He doesn’t say it, but I expect it’s at the back of his mind - his fear. Is he relieved? Would he rather have been left there in the snow? I suspect as much as he’s been suicidal in the past, that’s not how he wanted to go. Idk, I have a lot of quiet thoughts about this - about how painful recovery will be and would he rather have let his flame go out like that? Or does Shinae’s presence make him rethink those ideations? Is the presence of someone who cares - who has seen his darkness and still cared about him, who has been hurt by him and still cares about him - enough to make him feel relieved that he is still here? He’s so weary, so exhausted, and look at what extremes he went through before he allowed himself any reprieve.

In a really weird way, this reminds me of the phone call in episode 73 while Shinae is in the hospital with her dad and Rika, which is funny, because Nol spends that whole phone call deflecting and lying about his condition. But it still carried that sense of tender intimacy - the two people alone while the world around them is at rest, just a stolen moment of comfort in their sea of storms (although during the phone call the solace is definitely more so for Shinae’s benefit than his own). Here we have a similar scenario - two people alone while the world around them is asleep, the snow blanketing the city around them, no one aware of this moment transpiring, except this time Nol allows himself to benefit from the solace and the comfort. How many times has he reached out only to deny himself whatever it is he seeks? How many times has he made himself prop himself up, unable to allow himself to take comfort (denying that he deserves comfort)? 

“I thought you didn’t like the silence?” “I don’t.. but I like THIS silence.” 

Perhaps it’s just the morphine, but there’s something about that exchange that just GETS to me - that silence is otherwise so constricting, so claustrophobic, so unbearable, except this one. This one is special. This one is nice. This one is comforting. Again, that layer of tragedy underlines it - that this wouldn’t be happening had he not nearly died. That he’s in so much pain but it is, for now, masked by something that can take it away. Isn’t that what he’s wanted? Something that softens the blow, that little moment to catch his breath? 

And GOD the way Shinae reacts! So many times this evening she’s found herself flustered, found herself feeling something unusual in response to him - whether it’s his honesty or his dark edges or this - whatever this may be. Nestling her face against his shoulder as she relays the way they found him, the way they barely managed to get him in in time (losing blood so fast there was truly NO minute to spare!) and how he seems to take comfort in knowing it’s not the family’s hospital when he turns his head and buries it against her. I love it, I love them! I keep saying that but aaahhhhh I always love their intimate moments, these little moments stolen in the stillness of the night, when no one else is around to mind them. A song shared during her lunch break, a phone call in the night, a passing moment when she puts his earbud back in his ear, a moment of banter before work. And just like every time, no matter how Nol tries to resist her, to turn away, to place a barrier between her, it always fails. He’s SO drawn to her, whether it’s because she’s the only person who shows him concern, the only person who notices him, who pays attention to him - or something more - he has only once been able to push her away. 

I also really love how quimchee plays with the rhythm here -  the comedy feels so organic, spliced between little moments of tenderness that is reminiscent of the earlier episodes’ comedy. It’s so light and playful in those ways - everything has been so heavy as everyone has struggled through their own plights, but Nol’s sneezing, Shinae sneaking in Lil Buddy, her impression of Rand and his laughter, it’s all so playful and light, such a delightful contrast to the moments preceding ad following. Again, they just have this way of being with each other that is so comfortable and wonderful to read. To be fair, I think Shinae has wonderful chemistry with a lot of characters - she’s always fun to read with Soushi, Minhyuk, and even sometimes Kousuke - but what’s really good about this is how Nol falls in line with her, the ways they play off each other. Everything about their collective panic over the machine beeping is so comical and feels so much like Yeonggi and Shinae! It just feels... idk, authentic. This is him, no fronts, no masks, nothing played up, just a lack of inhibitions and their shared rhythm. 

I usually try to read these scenes without a romantic lens - is this just friendship? Is this platonic? We know they’re soulmates but where do they fall on each other’s radar? Is it just that this feels like such a secretive thing? How do they affect each other? But I cannot deny how SHIPABLE these moments feel - how Shinae has spent this whole evening so affected by him! It’s so hard to read Nol, because he hides things so well. Does he, too, feel affected by the intimacy of their stolen moments? I’ve always felt he’s so caught up in what he’s running from and what he’s hiding from that he probably has never allowed himself to be honest about his feelings. Numerous times we’ve seen surprise on his face when Shinae shows him concern but is it just surprise that she sees through him or is he ever delighted (or scared) by her ability to do that? It’s so hard to tell! I’ve been of the mind lately that she’s the one feeling something - or at least showing it, but I wish I could get a better read on him. I feel like Nol allowing himself that moment on her shoulder is something, maybe? It feels a little reminiscent of their hug in 151 - one of the only times he was able to create the distance between them, and also one of the only times he allowed himself that moment - but the emotions of it are incredibly different. 

This is where I’ll allow myself to get into the shippier thoughts, though. Like I said, it’s just so difficult to get a read on Nol - I feel like on some level we’ve barely scratched the surface of him, even though I also think we’ve seen some of his most raw angles. But as far as shipping stuff goes, there’s still so many questions. The way he talked about Alyssa never really indicated that there were ever feelings as much as him trying - and failing - to keep her out of Yui’s reach. I still wonder what their friendship was like. Is he just blinded by futility? He can only look back on it this way, because all of the good times - when they were friends - have been overshadowed by her need for Yui’s approval? I bring this up because it’s the only real comparison we have as an indicator of Nol’s feelings. He never even mentioned Alyssa when he was in the alley with Lil Buddy - and I guess there could be a couple reasons why. After all, he was speaking of the friends he was leaving behind, the ones who he didn’t want to let go of, and Alyssa wasn’t part of that group. But it could just as easily be that he thinks it’s a lost cause - Alyssa has chosen her path and there’s no point in trying to fight her. 

At any rate, we’ve always been shown the different ways that Nol and Shinae interact and behave, especially contrasted to Alyssa. I wonder how much of Nol she’s met - does she only know happy-go-lucky Yeonggi who has never put his own needs ahead of anyone else’s? That’s what I assume, based on the way she talks about him and how “easy” their relationship was - that he is someone who never made a fuss and had no issue with her doing whatever she wanted without him. But again, I think it’s safe to assume that Nol is the most himself we’ve seen with Shinae, which makes sense given that he struggles so much to draw that distance between them. She just brings something out of him, and it certainly has a lot to do with the fact that she pays attention to him, she notices the little things he got used to people not noticing, she showed him the kind of friendship he was denying himself. 

And, damnit, I can’t help but ship them, when they have these moments. This is why I find myself shipping them, rather than enjoying the possibility of platonic soulmates - because how do you develop this bond, this kind of relationship, and then move in different directions? How do you share this kind of tender intimacy without it feeling like something Else? I am a big fan of intimacy =/= romance and there are ways it could have played out between them, but I also think that so much of their intimacy has been these little pockets of calm shared together in the shadows that have changed who they are as people. And just like intimacy does not necessarily always equate to romance, attraction doesn’t always indicate romance, either. We’ve seen that Shinae is definitely attracted to Dieter, but I think the way she’s drawn to Nol is different. That intimacy is there - Shinae has been able to share things with Dieter that she couldn’t easily share with others at first - but idk, it just feels DIFFERENT in a way that’s so difficult to articulate. 

Because of their shared and similar experiences, Nol and Shinae have this rather innate understanding of each other. Shinae is both understanding of why Nol is the way he is, but also pushes him and doesn’t allow him to make those excuses - look at the way she verbally assaulted him when he feigned forgetting his memory lol. I think it would be difficult (although not impossible) for anyone else to feel that with him. In fact, in general, it makes me wonder who Nol will be in the future - will he ever be able to forge other, genuine relationships outside Shinae, Dieter, and Soushi? 

Shinae has made it abundantly clear how important Nol is to her, both to him and to others. Is she as important to Nol? Does it scare him that someone now knows so many of the things he’s hid and tried to mask, or does he find comfort in it? 

The thing about romance is that there’s not an easy before and after - it’s the kind of thing that happens over time, little by little, sometimes moments more noticeable than others. The night of the black and white formal, Nol spent so much of his time and energy looking out for Shinae, taking care of her, trying to keep her safe, and since that night she has returned the favor, doing just as he did - reaching out and opening herself up and making a point to be there for him. What is that to him? Is it friendship? Is it something that blurs the line? I don’t expect them to figure it out any time soon, if there’s something, if it means anything, but in the same way I just wonder how he sees it. Like I said, I think it’s more evident with Shinae - she’s had the signs more frequently, but what about Nol? 

I genuinely just love watching them play out and develop, the way their experiences bump into each other and their lives merge. Whatever path Nol is on, I hope he’s realize that Shinae is a part of it, too, in whatever form he wants her to be. I hope he realizes that there is someone who has his back completely, who can accept him at even his darkest, his lowest, his absolute worst, and will continue not only to just root for him, but assist him. It’s one thing to cheer someone on, it’s another to assist with the heavy lifting. That’s what it is about them that just GETS to me; they have found in each other something they denied themselves. Shinae built her walls tall, so afraid of being hurt again, and lied to herself about not craving that companionship. Nol forged fake friendships because he didn’t think he deserved real ones. In each other they have found someone who unconditionally accepts who they are, who pushes them to be better, who has their backs. It’s hard not to ship that! 

All I ever hoped of this night was that Nol would go back to his friends, that they’d find a way to make up - or begin to make up - and now look what we’ve got! And we’re left with Shinae discovering that this whole arduous terrible night was his birthday! RIGHT after he pointedly evade it, too. There’s been so many opportunities for him to tell her - she invited him to the very party! lol like!!!! To discover his birthdate as he pointedly avoided answering to the nurse - is she going to call him out on it? I think given everything she’s learned, she’ll probably understand why it was something he didn’t share, that it was part of the secrets he carried but I still want to see what she does with this knowledge. Because it’s not the fact that he never divulged it but rather the fact that a. he’s still hiding things which is much more likely because b. he has endured the absolute worst shit on this very night. On his birthday. No one told him Happy Birthday - instead he just nearly died. ;________; Isn’t that so fucking SAD?! 

In very different ways, Shinae and Nol have both had the same goal in mind: to make each other happy. Just like earlier in the night she offered to help him relive one of his last, happy moments about Christmas, I’m sure she will once again offer to give him at least one happy memory about this birthday. Something worth celebrating, if it’s only that he’s alive and loved and that people care about him and he is worthy of his love. ;~;

IDK i feel very incoherent at this point so I think I’m going to end it here lol JUST KNOW THAT I HAVE SO VERY MANY FEELINGS that I have been rereading these episodes in awe of the tenderness and the intimacy. I’m such a fan of Nol and Shinae’s Stolen Moments of Calm aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh 

[canisalbus]

I love the duo, both the historical setting and modern AU. Does Vasco ever go to confession while Machete is running it, just to 'confess' to something they did before as a way to tease?

[itsthislake]

“Icarus.”

it's all about freedom really

Credit goes to An Sifakah for the poem. Enjoy!

Support me on Ko-fi maybe?

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

I'm not going back to Gusu with you.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[lucabyte]

siffrin starts the game with oddly empty pockets for a rogue who has a habit of stashing away every little trinket that isn't nailed down

and a hardy pocketwatch is an indispensable tool for oceanic navigation

[stitched-up-teddy-bear]

Crowley's confession + full kiss scene

Edit: better audio <3

[natalievoncatte]

It began with a sneeze.

Lena’s entire body tensed, pain wracking her sinuses, and she tried to tamp it down and swallow it. There was a room full of investors, and she paused mid-presentation. She held up a protesting hand, signaling that she needed no help, and waved off her assistants. Finally the feeling subsided and she soldiered on, accidentally repeating part of the presentation. It didn’t matter, it was just a formality.

After, she was sitting alone in her office and she did sneeze this time, hard, into a silk handkerchief. A dull ache had settled into her bones and she felt droopy, tired. Still, she had work to do. Not the work she wanted to do. Not running the company, not strategizing. Not inventing or innovating. It was menial. It was assigned. She worked for her brother.

It was his pretty revenge, because Lena shot him two times in the chest. Then a bunch of very strange shit happened and Lena suddenly found herself in an entirely different world where Lex had never died, even though they both remembered it. A hellish nightmare world where Lillian was a philanthropist and Kara and all her friends worked more or less for Lex, keeping aliens in check.

Lena couldn’t go to her best friend for help, because her best friend had betrayed her. Lena almost wished she’d been erased when the multiverse collapsed, replaced by a copy of herself who’d never felt this agony.

There was a truth she would never admit, even to herself.

She’d feel better if Kara was here.

The days dragged on and so did her cold. Except, it wasn’t a cold. On the third day she woke to a high fever, feeling a little wobbly when she forced herself out of bed. Her sinuses burned and she had to breathe through her mouth. When she took her temperature, it was elevated, close to being dangerous. Every muscle and joint on her body ached and the sight of food made her retch involuntarily.

Lena had the goddamn flu.

She did something she’d never done: by a curt email, she informed her staff that she was ill and would not be in the office today. Instead, she rummaged through her closet, her breath catching on a familiar sweatshirt.

It was a Midvale High School Mathletes sweater. It was Kara’s, but Lena knew with a certainty that Kara had not been in Lena’s penthouse since It Happened. There was no way for this to get here but…

She stifled a sob. This world had its own Lena, one whose life she’d appropriated or merged with or God knows what, and that Lena Kara’s clothes in her home. Lena kept stumbling across them and it hurt more every time.

Had they been happy, before? Kara must have spent the night. They must have been close. Lena had been close with her Kara; they hung out and Kara had slept over a few times but they weren’t really on your-clothes-in-my-closet terms. Had that been what happened here? Did they share the bed? Were they…

Did they…

Lena put it on, felt it shelter her body. She put in two pairs of leggings and hoped her laptop would warm her. She curled with it on the couch, and got exactly nothing done. After three hours she closed the computer and flipped channels until she found the old friend of the seriously ill and the chronically unemployed: reruns.

Curling on one end of the couch, she laid her head to rest on the arm and her eyes slid closed.

It seemed that as soon as she did, she opened them again. Her head was throbbing. She tried to push herself up, but it was too great an effort and she flopped down again. Her throat was dry and sticky, and unable to breathe through her nose, air came in reedy wheezes. Swallowing only made it worse, and she felt a rising panic.

Something beyond sleep, thick and heavy, was dragging her down, even as she struggled.

A chill night breeze rolled over her, and she shivered explosively.

"Easy now. I've got you."

Powerful arms lifted her limp body and carried her. Gently, Lena was laid on her bed and a blanket thrown over her.

She opened her eyes. Kara sat her up, cradling her in one arm as she held a glass in another, so Lena could drink. She let the cool water wet her throat and did her best to breathe again. Gently, Kara lowered her back down to rest and folded a cool, damp cloth on her forehead. Lena sighed in relief.

“Get out. Don’t want you here.”

“I’m sorry,” Kara whispered. “I can’t leave you alone like this. I’ll be right back.”

She was indeed right back, Supergirl walking into Lena’s budoir carrying a drug store bag full of medicine. She sat Lena up again and administered the foul tasting stuff over Lena’s protests, then shut off the lights.

Lena tried to roll on her side. It didn’t go well.

Kara knelt and slipped out of her boots. Then, she undid one side, then the other, and unclasped her cape from her shoulders. She then swept it over Lena and tucked it around her gently.

“Kara,” Lena muttered.

“Hush. It’s a blanket. It’ll keep you warm.”

Lena wasn’t sure what happened next, if she dreamed it or if it was real, but she felt the bed shift as Kara climbed aboard and laid down beside her.

Eventually, she woke up again. Kara was tucked against her back, one arm thrown protectively over Lena’s side, resting on her blanket cocoon. Kara snored lightly, lying on the bed so that her chin rested on the crown of Lena’s head.

Kara noticed she’d stirred and silently stood, offering Lena her next dose of syrupy, nasty medicine. She accepted it just as silently and laid back down to sleep.

The cycle continued. Day came. Kara didn’t leave her. She drew the curtains and laid on the bed beside Lena, never speaking, never making any demands.

Finally Lena was well enough to roll over and face her.

“Why are you here?”

“I heard Gillian’s Island coming from your living room and thought you must be in danger.”

Lena snorted in spite of herself.

Kara softened. Her big blue eyes, eyes that could launch a thousand ships, carried such a weight of sorrow that Lena felt a surge of pain and regret in her heart, wondering why in the hell they were feuding. No. She couldn’t do that. She couldn’t just…

“I’m sorry.”

Lena tucked herself into the blankets. She wanted to roll over, to turn away, to stop this before she did something she would regret later.

“I keep finding your things in my place,” Kara murmured. “It makes me wonder if it was different here. If we were different. What if I’d made other choices. If I’d been honest with you. Bolder.”

“You weren’t,” said Lena. “You aren’t. That’s the way it is. That door was closed.”

“When I landed on your balcony, it was open.”

“A mistake I won’t repeat. Careless. Thank you for helping me, but I didn’t need it. I don’t need you.”

Kara closed her eyes and sighed.

“I hate doing this.”

“Doing what?”

“You’re lying.”

Lena jerked back, as much as her aching body would allow, anyway.

“How do you know?”

It didn’t hit Lena that she hadn’t offered a denial, at least not until later.

“Easy,” Kara smiled. “I cheat. Skin conductivity and moisture levels. Heat bloom on your skin. Pulse. Pupil dilation. Breathing patterns.”

“I have the flu. That’s why.”

Kara frowned.

“You’re wearing my sweater.”

“It’s not yours. It’s hers. The lives we stole.”

Kara shook her head. “That’s not what he did. Your brother created this world to live out his fantasies and make me suffer. That’s why your things are at my place and mine at yours. It’s showing us the life we should have had,” a tear shone on Kara’s cheek, “had I not been a fuckup and a coward. If I’d trusted you.”

Lena choked back a small sob, and started to cough violently.

Without a word, Kara gathered her up and rested Lena’s head on her shoulder, walling her up in those beefy, protective arms of hers. Lena allowed it, curling her fingers against the twitching muscles of Kara’s back.

Lena wanted to pull away…

No. That was a lie, a miserable fucking lie. She didn’t want to pull back. She didn’t want to fight. She thought she had to, that she needed to.

“Don’t cry,” Kara said, tenderly brushing a tear from Lena’s cheek. “I know you’re furious with me. I know things are bad. I know your brother has power over us. It’ll get better. I won’t let him hurt you. I won’t let anyone hurt you. I promise.”

“You already hurt me.”

“I know,” Kara whimpered, her voice wobbling. “I’m sorry, Lena. I’ve never been more sorry about anything in my entire life. I wake up every day praying I can find some way to take it back."

"You can't."

Kara tensed.

"Maybe you don't have to," said Lena.

Kara's breath caught. She lowered Lena to the bed, and this time wrapped them in the blankets together. She was so warm.

"I've got you."

Blessedly, Lena slept.

Each time she woke, she felt better. Eventually, she was well enough for Kara to leave the bed. A few minutes later, Kara came back, and she brought breakfast. Her appetite back, Lena dug in, enjoying the tea Kara brought.

Kara took the tray and plates when she was done.

"You look a lot better."

Lena nodded. "Ah, yes, thank you."

Silence. There was a heavy pause, and then Kara sat down beside her on the bed.

"I wish I'd been brave before."

Lena looked at her, really looked at her, this enchanting vision looking at Lena like she hung all the stars in the sky, her eyes so full of longing that Lena felt she might fall into them forever.

"What would you do if you were brave?"

"This."

Warm fingers curled around Lena's chin. Kara leaned in, and Lena felt it happen even before their lips touched. When they did, it was electric. Lena felt the world spinning. Kara caught her and lowered her to the bed.

"I don't care about multiverses and cosmic entities and your evil brother. No matter what they throw at me, I will always find my way back to you. If you want me."

Lena pulled her down into another kiss, and that was her answer.

[boeperhaps]

i'm sorry i had to-

[everysongineverykey]

as part of the getting-worse-before-it-gets-better portion of aziraphale and crowley's season 3 relationship arc we NEED a desperate "i love you" from aziraphale met with a hissed, spiteful, and quickly regretted "i forgive you" from crowley

[homielander]

shiv's motivations for voting to pass the gojo deal are so layered and i don't think they should be dismissed in favour of any one interpretation. shiv desperately grabbed on to a lifeline for her relationship with tom. shiv was the deciding vote and she couldn't bear to hold the crown only for a moment just to place it atop her brother's head. shiv knew she would have more influence as wife of CEO rather than sister of CEO. shiv absolutely hated seeing kendall crystallize into logan before her eyes, especially when he made roman bleed ("and if we did kill him we get to go to bed") -- succession has always been about siblings so of course she tried to free her brothers before her child. shiv still thinks she can raise her child with all the material benefits of being the daughter of waystar CEO while doing better by her, whatever that means. and all of those things are true

[ladyofthenoodle]

marinette finally works up the courage to tell adrien the truth about his father and he’s just like “i know” and rips off his jacket to reveal the peacock miraculous

[ruporas]

bound to want (part two) /// part one rest of pages under READ MORE after ID

[ID: 23 page digital comic of Vashwood from Trigun Maximum. The comic is in a limited palette of a dark blue, light pink, white, black, and a light beige color for Vash's skin and a mid-brown color for Wolfwood's. This comic is the second part to "Bound to Want" and is spoiler-free. The first part is linked here.

It begins with a panel close up of Vash's expressions. The sky colored in dark blue can be seen behind him. He has a neutral expression, but he holds a slight frown and the reflection of his glasses covers one side of his eyes. Wolfwood says, "Hey. What's with the distance?" In the second panel, the shot widens to show both of them, a clear physical distance separating them with Wolfwood walking ahead and Vash trailing a little behind. Vash responds, "What? I'm just walking a bit slower today..." Wolfwood looks at him with a an irritated expression, clicking his tongue. Wolfwood says, "I was going to wait for you to start... But yer just running away away."

Vash is seen looking away, unable to hold eye contact with Wolfwood as he continues, "You've been avoiding me since that night. Did ya think I wouldn't notice? It's about that dream, right? Tell me about it already if you're going to be moping like this." Vash looks slightly downwards, his brows furrowing and he starts to walk ahead of Wolfwood without looking at him and responds stiffly, "I really don't want to talk about it..." Wolfwood looks at him with a surprised expression, but doesn't probe.

A panel close up to Wolfwood's eyes as he watches Vash go on ahead before he follows suite with an irritated sigh. The panels are overlapped by Wolfwood's hand holding the bottle of the Bride with motion lines, indicating a transition in time.

A wide shot of Vash and Wolfwood in a room now. Vash is seated, his back turned away from the viewer, while Wolfwood's body faces the viewer with his eyes looking towards Vash. He rests the bottle of the Bride on the table with a "clack" and his other hand holds two shotglasses. The background is coated in a light pink.

A panel shows a close up of Wolfwood's face, his eyes looking downwards to Vash as he says, "Let's drink." Next to this panel is Vash looking up at Wolfwood, his brows furrowed and a slight frown. The bottom half of the page is a wider shot with Vash's body turned away from the viewer as he says, "I'm not going to talk about it." Wolfwood responds, "You don't have to." as he sits down.

A wide panel of Wolfwood holding the shotglass, pouring in the drink as he continues, "I'll talk." The next panel is a profile view of Wolfwood, his eyes looking down at the now filled shotglass as he continues to say, "You're..."

"... upset with me." Vash can be seen next to this speech bubble with narrowed eyes, looking towards Wolfwood. The panels are all coated in with a dark blue background. Wolfwood continues, "I can't be certain why since yer not telling me a thing -- but it's probably... my bad." The panels show Wolfwood about to bring the shotglass to his mouth but he turns way as he continued to speak, his eyes not on Vash. The bottom page shows him looking away completely with a guilty expression as he says, "I'm sorry.

If you can ever tell me why, I can try and adjust to make it more bearable. But if you're just trying to get rid of me--" The panels follow Wolfwood's certain expression as he says this, "I don't intend to leave you. I can't... and I won't." A panel shows Vash's wide-eyed expression, surprised upon hearing this, and then his eyes soften as Wolfwood again concludes with, "I'm sorry."

Vash's inner thoughts begins, a boxed speech at the center of the page and panels of his eyes, his brows furrowing again and a resigned, but frustrated expression. His thoughts starts, "Stop. I shouldn't be happy hearing that. And why are you apologizing? I should be the one to..! I can't let anything like that happen to you. You deserve to live a long steady and peaceful life. I want to be optimistic. I want to protect you, but I might end up doing the opposite." The text surrounds Wolfwood from Vash's perspective, the other man drinking out of his shotglass, his eyes downcasted.

"I shouldn't have you. And you won't leave." Behind these text is a panel of Wolfwood's eyes finally looking over to Vash. Vash's thoughts continues,  "It's so unfair." When Wolfwood sees Vash, his eyes soften and he frowns. The last panel shows the lower half of Vash's face, but tears begins to flow down his cheek. Wolfwood's hand is already reaching to wipe at them as he starts to say, "You know..."

A wider shot of Vash and Wolfwood, Vash slightly leaning forward with his mouth tightly shut, and tears steadily continuing to flow out of his closed eyes. Wolfwood continues to wipe at them with his hand as he continues, "This isn't a dream anymore. I don't know what you saw for you to be this shaken up, but whatever happened, you'll overcome it, right? If not you, I'm here too. You'll be okay, Spikey. So..." Wolfwood's expression grows more tender, "Have a little faith in me... and come back already." The dark blue starts to fade.

The wide panel has the dark blue background faded and replaced is the light pink. It shows Vash in full up to his shoulders, his eyes are still tears littered, but there's light in them as he says, "Wolfwood..." making eye contact with the other. The next panel shows Wolfwood's tender expression, his eyes and brows fully soften and he has a small smile on his lips, finally seeing the other return a level of sincerity with him.

The next panel shows the bottom half of Wolfwood's face and his hand is offered towards Vash for a dance as he says, "C'mon. We don't have to talk, but this is okay, right?" The background is now white and a ribbon flowing across the page separates this panel from the next sequence. Vash's inner thoughts continus, "I've spent too long avoiding this. It's scary to want after I've taken so much from others." A sequence close up of their hands is shown, with Wolfwood's outstretched hand on the right and Vash's reaching hand on the left. Vash gently places his hand in Wolfwood and at the bottom, Wolfwood wraps his fingers across Vash's.

Throughout the page, a dark blue ribbon starts to flow around the both of them with confetti raining alongside the effect. Vash and Wolfwood are hand and hand, dancing together with Wolfwood as the lead. The viewer can see a peak of Vash's expression, full of fondness but also a hint of sorrow as he looks down at Wolfwood. His inner thoughts continue, "I don't deserve this. I don't deserve you. But why is that even though I have these burdens, I still want to love you. I still want you to be by my side."

With a close up of their mouths, Vash's thoughts continue, the text covering his mouth, "Wolfwood, I--" Wolfwood's speech bubble covers Vash's text as he completes his sentence, "want you." Vash's eyes widen for one panel and in the next, his eyes spark, a blush appearing on his cheek and the confetti flows and spark. Tears ease up on his eyes again.

"Want me too already, Spikey." Wolfwood has leaned in enough to rest his head against Vash, a hand of his on Vash's neck, holding his nape and another hand pressed gently against his back. A ribbon separates this panel from the next, a mix of confetti flows across the page, as Vash envelopes Wolfwood in a hug too, holding him and his hand gripping tightly onto his back.

This page is just the ribbon flowly throughout the page on the white background, one white ribbon and the other a dark blue. Near the bottom, the ribbon envelopes each other in a loop. A conversation of Vash and Wolfwood is held over these ribbons, Vash starting to say, "What if I hurt you? What if you..?" Wolfwood responds, "You? How could you hurt me?" Vash, "You know what I mean... You see it everyday..." Wolfwood responds, "If you think I'm going to kick the bucket so easily, I suggest you look at me more closely from now on, idiot. I'm not that easy to get rid of."

The next page has the ribbon criss cross over the top of the page. Vash and Wolfwood can be seen in their dancing position again, Wolfwood now resting a hand on Vash's shoulder, as Vash takes the lead. Vash continues, "Well, I know that... I tried." Wolfwood responds, "But you won't anymore... since you want me... around, yeah?" Wolfwood's head cocks to the side, smiling with assurance, cheeks flushed. Vash looks at him with a wide smile and fond, loving eyes. The confetti flows across the bottom of this page and as it eases into the next page, it starts to disappear.

Vash responds, ".. Yeah... I do..." as he pulls Wolfwood into a hug again. Wolfwood says, "Not going to run away anymore, are you?" Vash says, "No... I trust you." A panel shows Wolfwood's turning away slightly with a shy expression, muttering "Geez..."

In a more simplified style, Wolfwood is seen gripping Vash's cheeks now with his hand, "Though... You do remember you avoided me for two weeks straight, right? How are you going to make that up to me?" Wolfwood asks. Vash responds with eyes closed and a pucker of his lips. A vein of irritation appears on Wolfwood's face. Wolfwood starts to squeeze at Vash's cheek with both hands, shouting, "Now that you've recovered, you're trying to be funny, huh?!" Vash says through the squished cheeks, "I'm just happy..."

The next page opens with a closed up panel of Vash's widen eye as Wolfwood's hand moves from squishing his cheeks to gently holding them and Wolfwood leans in. The inner thoughts starts again, "There's a chance I'm not making the right choice... My dreams, my fears of losing you, it will never go away. But you said you won't let it happen... And I want to hang onto your words closely this time. After all, if it's anyone who can make me believe, it's you."  The white ribbon from previous pages flows across the page and it visibly ends at the bottom of the page, enclosing the two of them as they share a gentle kiss with Vash holding Wolfwood's face, a tear in his eye.

The next pages starts with Wolfwood saying, "You cryin' again?" Vash responds, "I'm just grateful..." Wolfwood responds, "But you've always had me." Vash responds, "Being like this is different from staring at you from behind all the time though..." The two can be seen together again, Wolfwood pressing his elbows against the table with Vash leaning over him. Wolfwood is easing the tears out of Vash's eye again, just like earlier. A close panel of Vash's fond expression is seen as he says, "Thank you, Wolfwood." Wolfwood looks up at him with a small smile, gentle eyes. Confetti starts to flow lightly across the page as text starts to appear against the white background, "I'm the one who's grateful...

That you'd embrace someone like me, when I'm not fit to hold you in the first place... But I know better than to hesitate. The moment I acknowledged it, I knew I'd spend the rest of my life loving you. So, have as much of me as you want, Vash."

The final page shows the confetti gently falling down the page and at the bottom shows Vash and Wolfwood pressing their foreheads together, Wolfwood's hands cupping the side of Vash's face gently, and both of them smiling brightly with each other. ID END]

[veloursdor]

the thing about larys strong is that i think he's been lonely his entire life, lonelier than even he realised/admitted to himself. he craves connection, someone to see him for who he is. and that's what's been guiding most of his actions throught the entire time we've known him.

when he saw alicent being unheard and unseen, he tried to form a connection with her as he saw himself in her (through manipulations of course, but his intention there when saying "i could be your ally" were sincere). but she rejected him (by refusing to see him as a man, by being horrified at his true self (the harrenhal fire), etc) and thus he grew to resent her and want to control her/humiliate her like she "humiliated him", probably thinking it was enough because of the power she gave him.

but then viserys died and alicent's power died with him.

spoilers for season 2 of house of the dragon below the cut

i think his "love" for her... changed or was put on the back of his mind after 2x04, especially after he sees the moon tea and she's in pain. when he asks her about criston, his reaction to her words is as if he is confused, as if he's recalculating what he thought of her because he's seeing her in a whole new light.

and maybe he is seeing her truly for the first time ever.

he said "you and i are the same", was always listening in on her conversations to gather information, maybe even convincing himself by doing so that she truly was like him. but, i think that, when larys says "you have not been yourself" is his way of saying "who are you? are you who i've always thought you were or someone i do not know?" and has to change his view of her, of what he convienced himself he saw in her.

maybe he sees that he's been living in a lie made of his own words.

so, when the council scene happens, he pities her and rejects her idea, because it has no ground and she's grasping at straws. (i do think he does feel sorry for rejecting her but he also doesn't have enough solid ground with aemond as regent (his position in the small council is fairly new) and slighting aemond would cost him the power he has, so he stays quiet and looks away).

however, he also manages to drive a nail to alicole's coffin but he walks away without looking back at the mess it left.

they then don't share a scene at all for the rest of the season.

from then on all his scenes are with aegon, and we see a side of larys we haven't seen before.

ageon gave him power (of course larys manipulated aegon with the Hand comment) because of his "loyalty" following blood and cheese (i still believe larys "let it happen") and made him his master of whispers. he placed larys in the small council (when alicent never did in the 6 years she acted as regent) and gave him status outside of the dungeons. he "brought him [larys] out of the shadows" in a way.

the show has made a point to tell us, since episode one of season two, that larys has been looking at aegon the same way he used to look at alicent in season one, staring him down as if he could see what he's made of, constantly analysing and calculating how to best approach him.

he made small attempts at conversations and funny lines ("that castle is more crippled than me") as the whole alicent thing is going on.

and then the battle of rook's rest happened.

with aegon barely holding on, we have a scene where larys is honest, vulnerable, sincere maybe for the first time ever (yes there's manipulation, but also genuine compassion). he sees the struggles aegon will have to face because he lived them himself.

like with alicent in the weirdwood, he tried to form a connection with aegon. but where alicent "rejected" his true self, aegon instead listened to what larys was saying, saw the truth in it and raged, which made larys feel seen and heard, beyond manipulation and twisted words, probably for the first time in his life

larys, for all his talk that love is a downfall, craves connection, the desire to not be alone in the world. he does feel love.

and whereas alicent rejected his love and was disgusted by his true self, aegon welcomed his help, invited his advice, and embraced his aid to become stronger

i think larys will be loyal to him as long as aegon allows his love and it does not fester into resentment, like his love for alicent did

[fiendishartist2]

shout out to elias bouchard for fucking up a perfectly good mildly toxic workplace. you literally couldn't have done worse

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Why are you running?

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[gunstellations]

confessions