#where will i get the time or energy tho
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
plagued by visions (video game idea) yet so ill-equiped to bring them to fruition (my arts and technology degree did not actually prepare me to do anything with art and technology)
#and yet i want to try..#where will i get the time or energy tho#maybe when i someday decide to only have my shop open for like 6 months a year so i can do creative stuff the other half of the year#it's really hard to be business boss mode and creative art mode at the same time :[#witch vamp#text post
21 notes
·
View notes
Text
The Dark Santa Mammon card... Unrealistic (/hj). I'm gonna be so real, as soon as I knew his ass wasn't possessed or cursed or something I would be eating that shit uP--
Mammon can be pushy. As a treat. On account of the whole being a huge sub literally 90% of the time thing shxhjsgdhzhx Very rarely Trying to be dominant gets you free Dom For The Day tickets in my book and Mammon has a surplus--
#obey me#obey me devilgram#obey me Mammon#obey me smut#obey me mammon smut#Mammon might even be near the top of the Kuroo Wouldn't Even Brat At Him list dhzjhxh#not number one tho that spot goes to beel or barbatos#diavolo and satan are pretty high up there too but they need it to remind them they don't have to treat them like glass sometimes💀#Lucifer is dEad last for obvious reasons--#he's only allowed to dom when he's up to having Maximum brat energy in return fbzbbx#Simeon is probably also pretty high on the list but he's fun to mess with a little i think djdbhd#poor Levi gets fucking Tormented just bc his reactions are cute--#also bc a lot of the time if he's not Frequently being provoked he's at risk of chickening out 💀#solomon gets low-level bratting but its like. constant-- so idk where he falls here dhzgxhd#asmo gets a minimal amount unless he asks for it so hes also pretty high on the list dnbfjd#belphie is nearly as far down as lucifer 💀💀#anYways-#i have very strong opinions on this bc I've been here for 4 years now man the brainrot is So severe-#and because fictional kink analysis is like one of my biggest special interests so. there's that xfjjfxfix#if anyone even read this far feel free to ask about Those headcanons I'm not sure if most of them will ever see the light of day otherwise💀
24 notes
·
View notes
Text
Pictures from the 2023 Brazil Post-Race that made me psychologically and physcially and emotionally unwell:
#of course there are more but ive either reblogged or posted most of them#im just....so unwell over everything today#and all of these are beautiful bcs of nando of course but at the same time many are just really genuinely great compositions#god im so glad the trophy is gold bcs the way sun reflects off it is crazy#HE DESERVES ALL THE GOLD!!!!!#and he looks so gorgeous in the sun#(theres smth vett//onso here to be said about the gold and sunshine HUH WHAT SHHHH SHHHHHHH)#the one where its glowing when hes holding it up in the air is sending me. its like smth from indiana jones or smth#if i wasnt dedicated to seb id probably make all my background on ever device from this#its funny tho bcs the majority of my backgrounds rn are from another brazil gp. interlagos is just the best i guess.#aaaaaaahhhh his podiums are always so good like i dont think anyone on this grid has the same energy as him#none of them ever seem as happy and energetic as he is :/ so when he does get on the podium i always intend to make the most out of it!!!!#kissing him squeezing him loving him#f1#formula 1#fernando alonso#we do a little bit of f1#2023 brazilian gp
194 notes
·
View notes
Text
More of my favourite low effort CPDS Members as my screenshotted tiktok comments memes for you as an apology for being so inactive and proof I am still around hehe <33
#am just about to start my final year of university#which is pretty crazy to thing abt#so if anyones been wondering where I've been....ive been around haha#been working on shows basically non stop#apparently 13 hour day tech weeks dont leave much time or energy for tumblr posting 😔😔#i also get way too hype thinking abt mischief which means it takes even more energy out of me oopsie#i did work on a production this year that was basically rip off ppgw it was very fun especially knowing the context but it is so difficult#pantomime tech is so difficult things just dont like to go to plan#very rewarding tho#anyway if anyone is interested in what im doing u can follow my tech professional instagram acc @abirustagetheatretech#anyway yeah accept my badly made memes as my apology for being so inactive#love u all lots still <33#hope everyone is doing well#mischief theatre#mischief comedy#the goes wrong show#mischief theatre memes
36 notes
·
View notes
Text
love how in the drama whenever literally anything happens, wei wuxian turns to lan wangji and calls his name to gauge his reaction, apologise, express his excitement, etc., it's so cute like what are you obsessed with him? (yes, yes he is)
#i am starting to think i should finish either the novel or the drama fully#but i've been flipping between the two based on where i am and my energy levels#i've had long days out all week so i'll read when i'm in public and have a bit of down time#but i'm so tired at night i don't really have the energy to read so i'll watch a bit of the drama#it's getting me a bit confused on timelines tho#sorry these tags have nothing to do with the post#i am just updating you all in my secret rambling zone#mdzs#wangxian#wei wuxian#gwen's liveblogging again
30 notes
·
View notes
Note
brocal for the ship bingo?
The OTP to end all other OTPs... (Man. This wound up being basically Cori's Masterpost of BroCal. AKA... this got long and has some images, since I realized I can post my own art directly instead of just a text link to it lol.)
Wasn't actually expecting this to wind up with a bingo? But I got basically 2?? (Will explain the lighter heart later.) This is A LONG post, and definitely gonna get SUGGESTIVE, bc man, am I obSESSED with BroCal. I'm just gonna go thru each checked box, since I don't know how else to structure this post lol.
Read More to save ppl's dashboards:
I want them to make out with blood: OKAY. I HAVE A WHOLE THING PLANNED FOR THIS CONCEPT. I AM NOT GOING TO GO INTO DETAIL ABOUT IT JUST YET BC I ACTUALLY WANNA WRITE IT. I'm obsessed with this one fanart of Bro licking Lil Cal, and it spurred on an idea I outlined and really wanna write: https://coridallasmultipass.tumblr.com/post/739969858334294016/hiiii-mutual-i-am-secrecy-asking-if-u-have-anymore
((Sorry for the plain text links, Tumblr app is NOT cooperating with me right now to add hyperlinks. I'd post the image directly if that one was mine.))
Basically, I just really need to see Bro and Cal making out with blood in their mouths, and I started a whole convoluted, unrelated outline in order to make that hapen. It'll probably just be a really short thing that ends at the uh climax, since otherwise it's gonna end up sadstuck. And I don't like sadstuck lol.
Undeniably t4t: Bro and Dirk are always trans for me, and Lil Cal's got that uh... what percentage did I calculate it out to be? 13% of Dirk is in Lil Cal [ My shitpost calculations: https://coridallasmultipass.tumblr.com/post/746702663327072256/i-ran-out-of-tags-rambling-about-this-so-im-just ] so Lil Cal is at least 13% trans because of that much of Dirk being in him, plus however you feel about the other components being trans. LMAO this is ridiculous to type out. Moving on.
EDIT: FUTURE CORI INTERJECTING WITH A:
"Lil Cal Top Surgery Healing Progess: Day 1"
Terrible for each other affectionate/derogatory: I don't even know where the affectionate/derogatory split occurs. I multiship BroCal as both Bro/normal puppet Lil Cal and as Bro/evil juju puppet Lil Cal, and whatever combination in between or outside of that. Terrible in that Bro is so obsessed with Cal that he doesn't have normal relationship/social skills and uses Lil Cal as both a crutch and motivator alternately, in a terrible cycle, or maybe rather... spiral. And also terrible in that Bro is caught in the allure of playing the role of puppeteer while also being a puppet for the darker parts of Lil Cal, whether he actively knows it or not. (Honestly though, I feel like it's dismissive if you try to blame all of Bro's faults on Lil Cal like this tho, which is why I tend towards liking Lil Cal as just a regular puppet a lil bit more. Or at least, a regular mildly supernatural puppet since that can be a little more entertaining if Cal can get into mischief while no one's looking or give off the vibes of his mood more directly, rather than like entirely inanimate or 'just LE, trapped in a puppet body.' Again, I like all of these concepts.) ((I mean that can also be a whole post of its own, like, by the time Bro gets ahold of Lil Cal, are any of the other components still alive in there? Like, are ARquius and Gamzee still in there or did Caliborn kill and consume them entirely? Idk how it works, man. This is why I like Lil Cal as his own person, maybe just influenced by the feelings of the others. LaCroix: CalGamARquius essenced water. Lil Croix.))
They need to get weirder with it: YES YES. 1000% YES. I need entirely shameless Bro doing entirely shamless things to Lil Cal. I want them inseparable and doing unspeakable things to each other. I want Bro taking full advantage of Cal having a puppet body and all the intimacy that comes with making repairs and being elbow-deep in stuffing.
Playing with them like dolls cute/psychological torture: This is the same divide as with the 'terrible for each other' point, so I'm just gonna go with the cute one, since the torture one is self-explanatory. I want them fucking married. Like. Full mushy cute romance type of relationship that Bro has never felt for any of the people in his life (cough aromantic cough). I made this comic not too long ago, and I often fondly look back on it, because I adore the concept of Bro being lovey and romantic and everything out of character around Lil Cal because he feels safe and loved and comfortable around Cal:
[ https://coridallasmultipass.tumblr.com/post/750602227910131712/brocal-4-lyfe-so-i-had-this-idea-of-dave-being ]
I made a post a long, long time ago (not gonna link that one bc it was personal and I was being very obviously mentally ill ["C'mon, like you're not being obviously mentally ill while typing paragraph upon paragraph about BroCal still in 2024 like 10 years later??" Fair.]) But the gist of it was that, like, having objectophilia or objectum sexuality is like, from an outsider pov, it's a way to express love to yourself. You filter all your self-hate through the object you love, and you get back unconditional love in return.
Lil Cal is never gonna hate Bro, no matter what Bro does. As a regular puppet, Lil Cal doesn't have the capacity for hate. And so that only brings them closer, since Cal is never gonna reject Bro for any reason. (Back to being a crutch. RSD is real, and Dave is probably a big trigger for that since he's not on the same wavelength of weird as Bro [not blaming Dave, obviously, this is a post about BroCal].) Bro can experience receiving positive attention from Lil Cal, without feeling 'fake' or uncool by expressing that same attention or affection directly to his own self. (Things are always done through multiple layers with the Striders, aren't they?) ((And I'm not saying Lil Cal doesn't love Bro, or that their relationship is just pretend - it's real, I'm just like, 'What's going on behind the curtain in the mundane situation?/ How is the relationship appealing?' Lil Cal luvs Bro 5eva 4 lyfe and that's a hard fact. Could cut diamonds with that shit.)) Example: maybe Bro is dealing with a bout of body/gender dysphoria and is trying to take out his frustration with working out, and it's not helping, even if he's powered through a set better than normal. Then, he notices the way Lil Cal is watching him, and he can feel the excitement seeping off Cal. He can sense the echoes of a wolf-whistle ring out through his mind, and it's like. Okay, none of that shit from before matters, he's got all the validation he needs right there in Lil Cal. Maybe flex in Cal's direction, Bro?
Oh, so back to being cute: isn't it wonderful how the template maker phrased it as 'playing dolls'? But yeah, I want all the mush and everything. Bro has a whole wardrobe for Lil Cal for every minor event that occurs in the Strider household. I want them going on genuine dates. Maybe even... holding hands. Bro blushes for the first time since he was 16. He even gets to take Lil Cal with him when he goes out to DJ or put on a show. Not to mention the whole website business. (I've talked about Cal's role in that before, but I'll mention it in a moment...)
They will die in a heart shaped pool of blood: I mean, kinda did happen, even tho Lil Cal didn't perma die right there. I don't think this one needs any explanation, since it basically happens in canon.
'You should see the other guy...': Okay, so. About 11 years ago, I had a really great idea. About how smuppets enter this world. I expanded on it in the following more-recent post (adult only content lol): https://coridallasmultipass.tumblr.com/post/741683686717669376/back-in-the-day-my-friends-called-me-insane-when-i
To sum it up, whenever Bro makes a new smuppet design, he then gives it a video debut on his website, where uh, Lil Cal births the smuppet like it's a horror movie scene, fake blood and poly-fil gore all over the place as the smuppet crawls out from the viscera. Bro then gets to play aftercare by lovingly and gently cleaning up and restuffing Lil Cal as they get to admire their new creation and rake in the dough lol.
So it's technically not a 'you should see the other guy' kinda situation, but it does involve one of them being... idk what word would describe it. Injured by the other? Usually a character loses a fight and says this to act like they got out of it better than the other guy, but... We could have someone knock on the door during the filming of a scene like that, and Bro has to answer it with fake blood up to his elbows, and be like 'You should see the other guy.' (But obviously, that's a terrible idea and would cause more trouble than it's worth... Maybe worth it for a persistent door to door salesperson, though.)
Though, I guess I should also say, I'm not opposed to Bro beating on Lil Cal in or out of the bedroom. Or in the case of animate Lil Cal, Cal choking out Bro. In or out of the bedroom, lol. Depends on the situation, like I said I will ship this ship any which way. But my preference for animate Lil Cal is to be like a totally normal puppet around Bro (or mushy in-love with Bro) and then evil-murder-puppet towards anyone else in Bro's life, like a... toxic yaoi guard puppet. (New Phrase Achievement Unlocked!) Bro brings home another guy to have sex, who tries to stay the night due to the late hour, but the guy wakes up shortly after to see Lil Cal standing there with a knife in the dark, eyes glowing red. Panic ensues when the guest screams and freaks out, and by the time Bro's got a light on, grabbing his sword, ready for a ninja vs ninja fight (bc an intruder would've had to bypass all the traps), Lil Cal is just innocently splayed across the desk chair, no knife in sight. Relevant post (well, the caption on the post too, saying how Bro can't seem to hold onto any relationships besides Lil Cal):
[ https://coridallasmultipass.tumblr.com/post/741830516962164736/i-want-you-so-youre-mine-always-selfishly ]
Uh, lol, also Cal choking out Bro in the bedroom, adult only drawing: https://coridallasmultipass.tumblr.com/post/754328907438800896/i-wouldnt-wanna-be-my-ex-when-he-found-out-who
Thinking about them always and forever: Listen. My Tumblr as proof, I've had BroCal on the brain for at least 11 years at this point. Definitely longer, since I first started reading Homestuck. I fucking love puppets and dolls and plushies and I always have. Man, if I hadn't deleted Tweets (automated app I used to do, and I couldn't choose what to save) from when I was in high school, you could've seen me @ ing my fave band when they were taking lyric suggestions on a fan-inspired album, where I was telling them 'make a song where the theme is puppets' and, while I don't know if they saw that or took the suggestion (they had responded to me before bc they weren't huge yet), there is indeed a song titled "Puppets" on that album, and it was my favourite song on there. Point is, I was fated to ship BroCal before I even knew it existed.
Sicko 2 sicko communication: I mean, does this even need explaining? Bro and Cal aren't just on the same wavelength of freaky, they're the fucking source of the wavelength, and it's causing a feedback loop between them. And it does as feedback does, which is, it amplifies with time. (Going back to the spiral symbolism here, lol.) ((Actually, time can play a symbol here, too, I guess, but idk how to word it, I'm starting to run out of steam.))
Let them have a happy ending: God, I need this so badly. I know Bro's story ends in Homestuck, but like. Pls. Someone needs to officiate their wedding. Currently placing the dreambubble order, but I can't organize a wedding by myself. OH speaking of. In that lil comic I did above, where Bro is accepting Lil Cal's proposal, I had the Natural Born Killers wedding scene in mind. I was gonna draw that as a follow up, but I think I have too many WIPs going. Just two people on the run, saying "I do" in a scenic but completely ordinary roadside location. Idk why, I keep going back to that movie for things related to Bro (I mention it in a very important scene in a longer WIP I've been writing, as something Bro watched and internalized as a kid lol.) It's not the best movie lol. Anyway.
The devotion omg: I feel like I have already gotten my point across about this, but let me reiterate:
[ https://coridallasmultipass.tumblr.com/post/735842968450269184/in-the-name-of-iconic-magical-girl-anime-ill ]
Bro and Lil Cal absolutely beat the shit outta Jack Noir before he gets prototyped. And even then, they fight together till the death, like. C'mon. Nothing more romantic than fighting a losing battle side by side. Also, like, Lil Cal having his own protective chest for safekeeping as seen in the Strider living room? Like, you don't just have a protective case for any old thing, especially something meant to be handled, especially something that is regularly used to smack other things/humans. What I'm saying is, Lil Cal is durable and resilient, and yet, Bro still has a case for transporting Cal safely. Oh, wait, I just thought of something funny, what if Lil Cal goes feral like a cat, and basically the chest is like a cat carrier so Bro can drive without being constricted lmaoooo, I've been typing for hours can you tell?
Kind of homophobic: Listen. I HAD a Cal. Took him to college. Staked my claim on the top bunk bc I am royalty. Proceeded to not have anywhere to set my water cup and had to use a cardboard box as a table up there. Spilled water. Melted Cal's sharpie-drawn face. And then proceeded to cry. I have a WIP of Lil Cal 2, but that requires actually remembering to work on him. I wanna do better by the pattern, too, since I rushed to finish the first. I have all the material! I have the project started! So it's just a matter of reordering my WIP priorities, honestly.
Where is all the fucking content?!: For realzz. I was actually venting about this the other day (didn't end up posting it), but it's like, either there's no BroCal content, or there IS BroCal content, but I can't reblog it for reasons I don't want to get into on this post. I'm dying of thirst in the ocean, basically. Whatever. This just means I need to make more BroCal content myself, which I am more than happy to do. I've just had a rough past few months, so I'm glad I got to type all this post out, and hopefully I can get back to creating soon.
Last one! I hope this one makes up for the absurd length of the post, it's prob my new fave idea I just came up with on the spot.
[TW drink spiking by a stranger mentioned in this.]
Committing atrocities as their silly little activities: I think we all know what this means, but I am going to ignore that elephant with my special x-ray vision. Because this is a BroCal post. I'm digging deep to the meat and bones of this. Honestly, this could go multiple routes, it depends on how you take your Lil Cal.
One could place emphasis on the 'guard' part of the, ahem ahem, toxic yaoi guard puppet. Maybe someone is actually trying to harm Bro, and Bro legit can't do anything for reasons outside of his control - let's say his drink got spiked a while after he invited a stranger home that he thought was chill. As Bro gets shoved down on the futon, his memory of the night is only a few flickers. Familiar orange plush, roiling around above him like a dancing windsock. Flashes of Lil Cal's face all distorted and stretched wide like a funhouse. J-Lo and Ice Cube on the TV. But when Bro is finally able to fully wake up in the morning, everything is as if he just got home alone last night and passed out on the futon. Cal looks totally normal and content tucked under Bro's warm arm. Except when Bro gets up, there is a pair of shoes too big to belong to him at the door. Maybe Bro knows. Maybe instinct tells him to run. Maybe he does, but he's running towards Lil Cal, every time.
#apologies for being entirely unhinged about brocal. this isnt even the half of it#the-meat-machine#asked#praying my internet posts this in one go in the correct format. rip to everyones dashboard if it doesnt#im not turning on my pc to correct it if i cant fix an upload error from mobile#homestuck#brocal#otp5eva#stridercest#long post#Cori.exe#Post.exe#im like staring at my phone scared to hit the post button bc if tumblr has a fit then idk what ill do#and its like okay i could just put my phone down and go to sleep.#but what if tumblr decides to post it AFTER IM ASLEEP AND CLOGS EVERYONE WHOS FOLLOWING ME'S DASH#if that readmore doesnt save where its supposed to... (has happened before)... i am genuinely so fucking sorry.#oh oKAY WAIT compromise. ill save it as a draft first so the bulk of the upload happens privately in case something goes wrong#bc knowing my internet and how i was fighting hyperlinks last night and today that still wont work. something is gonna go wrong#fingers crossed the draft saves tho i dont wanna copy all this shit from the 'in case of emergency' screenshots i took lol#anyway i really need to get ready for bed fuck lol literally took me hours to type this and its not even polished ughh#toxic yaoi guard puppet#omg tho 'lil cal top surgery' idea had me dying when i remembered theres canon cal sewn up like that#i gotta remember to post that separately tmr#i got this post draftes and gna post now. im seeby#oh wait#puppets#suggestive#striders#man if i wish i started w the last point but i dont have the energy to reorder everything#nini im going seep 4r this time
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
I hate work
#igm.talk#chey is back in depression mode!!! we cheered#depression mode means i have no energy to do anything 👍🏻#tmr im going to the beach with my best friends after work for a picnic and when we planned this a month ago i was so excited#and now i dont want to get out of bed tmr#bc the thought of having to go to work and then fake a smile all throughout the night is exhausting#but rescheduling also isnt an option bc the perks of adulthood is having maybe 1 day every 7 months where everyone is able to meet#but anyways about work - it sucks being the new kid and it sucks even worse when im younger than everyone else#when everyone else chats they'll talk about their kids and stuff and im here single and childless so ofc idk how to relate to them#and 90% of the staff are chinese and they all ignore me bc i look like a different race (we can all speak english tho so idk whats the issue#but when i speak to them in chinese they suddenly make a 180 and are SOOOOOOO nice to me?? complimenting me and shit??#and this has been a thing in every fucking job I've ever had like the racism is so obvious#i hate it so much#like between the racism and the loneliness and being underpaid im genuinely considering quitting#but at the same time i dont wanna be that kid who quit after 2 weeks... like i cant commit or something#and the company is 20mins away from my house and it's a 4.5 day work week so there are those perks...#but i legitimately dont know how long i can keep this up#pls can they hire another young person or at least treat me like a human being and not a statue or smtg...#im sorry for the rant i just really needed an outlet and i dont have anyone to go to irl 😞
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
Staring down that weird feeling of feeling like too much or out of place or annoying if I say too much or say things too loud or too off-putting to be like- WANTED in any given social situation. To try so hard to socialize just to- idk. I’d very much like to stop defaulting to that scared kid that was pushed away or talked over until I got old enough and desperate enough to say any and every rapid fire thought that comes to mind. Like filling space when there’s dead air then wondering if maybe I did the Too Much™️ thing again and A. Scared everyone away or B. Pushed everyone away so it would hurt less when they leave BC of A.
Of feeling like I need to be useful or smart or talented or pretty or SOMETHING worthwhile so people want me around. I can just be but then it’s like just being has never been enough for anyone to like- stay. Or care. Running is always a mistake bc it’s like riiiight.. no one noticed you ran, babe. You’re not even at the top of their list people to want around. And just feel so low about it that I talk myself into feeling miserable again.
I’m happy, ive been so much happier lately and i dont take it for granted bc it’s so rare that things go okay or that there’s a sense of peace for a moment. I’m creating again and im less hard on myself about it. I have hobbies again, I’m making friends. And still I’m like seeing the other foot start to drop in real time bc it’s like. You’re in, but are you? That constant nagging voice that sounds so much like my own going “lonely again? Good you deserve it”
#me: there’s time..#also me: THERES NO TIME#now see the thing they don’t tell you about taking lexapro is that you’ll have the motivation and energy to reinvest in hobbies when you’ve#been in depression hell for so long#also thank god it makes the excessive worry thoughts thiiiiiis loud 👌#like nooo babe there’s time#there’s always time if I’m okay with the crushing feeling of splitting my attention TOO much that I don’t connect with either fandom#that’s spooky#shaking and screaming like ‘don’t look at the notes it doesn’t matter’#and it truly doesn’t#sigh#I just keep coming back to that Brennan/hank green clip#where Brennan is talking about feeling like you just /dont/ belong even tho u did commit to trying you’ll always have that scared little#kid at the back of your mind with no friends reconfirming that no one likes you#I don’t know..#in theory people like me#but /i/ can never be normal about it#and I keep like.. I dunno#it’s tough spending your whole life never being the one people seek out#never the one that people WANT to hear talk#constantly feeling like too much and wondering if I should pull back#for people to get weirded out when I pull back#it’s exhausting#and it’s lonely#and even after 24 years I’m still the same insecure kid talking in the group chat while everyone else is silent#like am I too much am I too desperate#even like talking to my mom- who’s opinion of me truly doesn’t matter anymore just constantly interrupt me or talk over me#or ignore me so I’m repeating myself over and over just to give up#personal#fuck
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
So I had my performance review...
#They mentioned how I barely took leave and am always in early and I thought uh oh#I need to start giving myself days off random#I'll be getting a pay raise tho yaaaay#Where's that time vs money vs energy picture?#MonkeyHerself#monkeydraws
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
#I mean I am on both the aromatic and asexual spectrums#and I do already refer to myself as Angled Aroace#but like there have been times where I've felt that attraction#not often but sometimes#I mean I call myself queer#but I wouldn't wanna like give anyone false hope by SAYING I'm queer#incase they think I am gay or bi (or rlly any orientation that they might have a shot with)#like I don't want someone to make a move the get upset#bc I said I'm queer even tho I'm primarily on the aspec (with some v rare instances of attraction yes)#like love and sex and stuff like that is so heavily centered in the queer community and rlly just society as a whole#that I feel like if I just say I'm queer that me being aspec won't even be on their radar#and ik I shouldn't care what ppl think#but I just hate when ppl are upset me and it feels like it'd be such an awkward situation to be in#and I don't have the time or the energy to explain wtf it means to be an “omni-oriented aroflux greysexual” yk?????#honestly I barely consider myself omni-oriented nowadays#not as much as I did#I just don't rlly feel the attraction often enough to use the term or identify w it#it's mostly to explain the attraction I felt more in the past#or thought I felt#idk.#anyway#aroace? not aroace?#I don't wanna like appropriate the term but it feels like the most concise word I can use w/o feeling like a complete and utter liar.#aroace#aspec#tumblr polls#queer
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
Sketches
#shuichi iguchi#shigaraki tomura#spinaraki#these were 2 unrelated sletches but then my brain starting brewing some thoughts#mainly an au where spinner is sent in as a spy (for???? not the heroes lmao) to get into Shigaraki's confidence which of course means#wink wonk bedroom activities ANYWAY spinner catches feelings and doesnt really want to inform on Shigaraki anymore and is feeling conflicted#about what he should do and shigaraki knows something is up with his maybe boyfriend but not what and just :))) angst and split loyalties#amd feeling torn in two directions#(i sya not heroes but the only group with enough prescence is the mla but thats not really their m.o. either so???? idk what group would#have the reach/influence to feel threatened by some upstart kid in the villain world and manipulate a member into taking this espionage job)#anyways ive got so many au ideas and not enough time to write a fic or 12 lmao#like the research + planning + plot points + writing + editing + energy to pull it off.... im tempted to dabble in it all again tbh#im a year behind the manga tho and still havent watched the last season so idk where characters have ended up#and id rather not write anything until i catch up (idk maybe horikoshi has revealed some fun/character specific info?)#here i am talking on + on in the tags. anywho if anyone wants to write a fic based on any of my posts feel free bc i probably never will
29 notes
·
View notes
Text
I hate living in this world.
#misc#negativity tw#first off i had an argument with a colleague at work#we had to move places for the millionth time in this stupid open space#which already annoyed me#but this guy came at bargained like he always do while i said nothing because it's not like we chooae#and he always does that for actual work because and idk at first i made a snarky comment about now that he got what he wanted he better be#ready to work instead of hiding when somebody ask him to do his job#and he told me he didn't understand the remark#and my hot temper that makes me snap every five years took over#i bet he has by now complaining aboutme like he does about everything#anyway i take hours to calm down (not calm after 4 hours)#I'm also pissed at me cause i can't get emotional without shaking stupidly which makes me look like an hysterical person (i mean sadly i am)#also if there has to have an explanation once my anger is gone tomorrow i will be back on social anxiety mode which is gonna make it worse#all of this reminded me that i need to find a new job for ten thousand reasons#but unfortunately all employers are shit and actually i don't even know what i want to do#and as usual i have no energy for anything because i am still a major piece of shit#then i wanted to relax#made the mistake to open Instagram because I'm also stupid#and i know i don't often talk about politics and stuff#but it's really draining me#i barely or read news just enough to be aware#and honestly its exhausting but I dont want to complain cause Im in a privileged position where i have the chance to be able to 'shut off'#and yes my country and especially this government is sickening me#and like its people too#and also insta is full of pride posts#and i am stupid to read the homophobic and transphobic comments#and genuinely these people alongside racist and islamophobic people really scare the hell out of me#hopefully i don't engage but i shouldn't read anything at all tbh#speaking of pride im spiralling because even tho i kinda identify as aro i feel like a freak and i have nobody to tell me im not
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
inside you there are 2 little guys
#.yappin#the last time i had a conflict like this. it was over signed art by the tf2 voice actors#and the side of 'do it anyway' won#not saying thatll change THIS outcome tho#this is specific territory#where i dont wanna encroach. like i realize that its a space for everyone#but it also feels Special or somethin idk#and ive never had to tie up everything with a bow#....but i DO have 12+ years of experience learning about those who toil under God/Fate/Time/Whatever#and how they often get a reward#and the boy. has not been rewarded excepting the outcome of his good deeds and his brother's life#too many thinking for tonight. think i need to do Something and then get juices flowing#the words are clogged but theres thoughts so we have writing potential#[meteorologist voice] we have the energy and the instability. what we really need now is a lifting force
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
AKHDMCUKSNDM Hours after essentially giving up on getting an education job I got an email back for a position I applied to literally yesterday?? which would be an after school teacher at a private school in the richy rich part of town which is actually so so funny to me but well. it's a job
#I was honestly like this private school isn't gonna get back to me but they replied less than 24 hours later LMAO#it's not exactly what I'd ideally be looking for but hey after school positions are pretty easy work#and more working w kids experience I can put on my resume#and allows enough free time to like. have energy and also volunteer somewhere that doing what I actually want to go into#so if they Do end up offering me a job it wouldn't be disappointing by any means#the idea of me working at a private school is sort of hilarious tho#I'll have to ask if body mods are okay 😭#I'm sure it'll be fine because I live in a city where everyone has dyed hair and nose piercings#and it's not like a Franchise#but ya always gotta ask#ghost posts#text
27 notes
·
View notes
Text
This trial has turned into a Scooby-Doo mystery and honestly I have no idea what's going on anymore
#if this guy doesn't turn out to be old man jenkins i'm gonna be real disappointed#the sudden “we are actually besties” energy coming from Simon and Athena might be enough to save it for me tho#we're gonna therapy this man into a guilty verdict your honor#oh sure i present falsified evidence on accident ONCE and I get disbarred#this guy does it MULTIPLE TIMES and the judge cries about the beauty of friendship#ace attorney#dual destinies#aa5#aa5 spoilers#ace attorney spoilers#dual destinies spoilers#WHERE IS THE ORCA????????????
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
this is also why i stopped using my tracked tag for a while tbh
#and i might do it again bc its just#a reminder that no one rly cares abt what i do / who i am etc#which might sound over dramatic idk how else to describe it tho its just hollow#it feels very much like a Chore and a Task and if i dont reblog things fast enough from my tag#people get very angry and/or upset with me even tho theres just#so much content and i have 0 time so everything gets queued no matter what#like this whole experience feels like a chore lmao#and it never ever used to#but now theres so much animosity if i dont behave / interact with things Properly#or whatever the make believe rules are idk#this dash can just be so negative like have we all truly descended into madness during this hiatus#bc like i get it ive been up and down and all around too but ive never been straight up MEAN to anyone in this community#and i never want to either so this entire situation thats been bubbling for months just feels like shit#bc what the fuck changed and how do we get back to where we were#i never ever ever ever felt this way before like idk the middle of last year#but ever since like last fall its just been idk. Bad#once again im sorry if ive ever done anything to upset anyone but my silence / absence doesnt mean i dont care#ive just been Incredibly busy due to some real life changes that are out of my control#i might not have energy to answer everything but i do Read everything and it does make me smile#and i save messages that are kind in my heart so i can be reminded of the root of what this blog is supposed to be#a space for something im very passionate about and previously had nowhere else to express said passion#so like idk if we all like the same things why does this weird feeling of competition linger over us lmao#why do all ccs have to fight???? each other???? when we all love and do the same things????#i have nothing against anyone personally but what i Do take issue with is the way that ive been doing this since 2021 and im fully just#ignored and shoved aside by so many people for reasons i fully dont know or understand#so yeah idk this is a novel i just woke up from a spontaneous nap bc im so exhausted i can only stay awake for 3 hours at a time#but yeah anyways idk !#be nice its so easy !#tbd
8 notes
·
View notes