#whenever I think of her alone
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Goodnight Miss Makima
#chainsaw man#csm#fanart#makima#artists on tumblr#control devil#every day makima#day 82#my art#whenever I think of her alone#it’s almost always in her bed#I’m not sure why. there’s something very lonely but lovely about someone’s bed
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this part always gets me giggling kicking my feet twirling my hair. when wade kept asking about logan's suit saying he just wanted to bond, logan said "well then talk about something else"
he's practically showing us he's not against talking to wade at all, unlike how he wants us to believe by being so grumpy and telling him to stfu all the time.... that scene really got me going "aw he wants to bond? 🥺" in the theatre
#i think every logan craves human interaction no matter the universe he's in#but THIS one#the “worst wolverine”– alienated from his society for who knows how long#who probably gets people flinching and side-eyeing him whenever he tries to help#who gets people whispering and pointing fingers at him “that's The Wolverine” in a negative way whenever he enters a room#meets someone who can actually hold a conversation with him more than a minute#phew i can only imagine how devastatingly lonely he is#on top of his belief that he deserves to be treated like that#so of course he wants to keep talking#of course he wants to live in wade's world#of course he wants to live in the cramped space where he has to be in close proximity with other people#of course he wants to be in a part of warm and welcoming people#along with his alternate daughter who's just as lonely as he is#because he can't bear the thought of her living somewhere alone when a place where people are ready to appreciate and love them existed#deadpool and wolverine#poolverine#wolverine#deadpool#logan howlett
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“I did not like to be touched, but it was a strange dislike. I did not like to be touched because I craved it too much. I wanted to be held very tight so I would not break.” via Marya Hornbacker
&
“I became bitter and untouchable. I craved affection but even the mere thought of someone caring made my stomach turn.” via @lovey-kun
#been thinking about them a lot recently#roy mustang#riza hawkeye#fma royai#fma brotherhood#fullmetal alchemist brotherhood#i saw someone else post ab how it took until this scene before mustang could allow himself to hold her#sobbing in the corner thinking about them#they’re soulmates your honor#war crimes aside#they deserve such a happy ending#october means crying over maes hughes and royai#i just know hughes was making comments to mustang when riza wasn’t around#Ed 100% picks up on it and makes snarky comments whenever there’s a joke about his height#Back to royai rq#thinking about how touch starved the two of them are#both think their hands are too covered with blood to deserve to touch anyone else let alone the other person
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something that is like the baseline of amys entire character to me is that shes lonely. shes clingy and physically affectionate in a way none of her friends really are, shes always getting pushed aside and left behind. yeah, she helps out people she doesnt know because shes a nice person, but also, she sees part of herself in them. she wont leave someone else behind because she knows the feeling —and more importantly, hates the feeling. if she doesnt have somebody to stand by her and be there for her, then shes going to be that person for everybody else. something something her obsession with sonic is really just like a manifestation of that desire for closeness with someone, and she thinks that romance is the only way to get that. idk... this hedgehog can have so many abandonment issues.
#me posts#amy rose#sth#sonic the hedgehog#and this is not to say at all that romance is the only way to have 'real' love or anything#just that yknow part of her breaking free of that would also be realizing that she just wants closeness with someone and it doesnt-#-have to be romantic#aroace amy could fit this i suppose and she just doesnt know it yknow. thats not my hc but i support their beliefs if that makes sense#she wants to be loved and she wants to love and she doesnt really get a big outlet for that so she shares it with everyone she sees#also i didnt wanna jam up the post but GAMMA!! this is partially abt gamma she helps him find out how to love and how to find joy in it-#-bc its what she wants for herself. she sees him and sees how completely alone he is and she wants to help him. idk idk something something#-when she was locked in the cell she saw part of herself staring back at her#gamma parallels to amy is SLEPT ON i stg i could make a whole other post about it#idk.. whenever im writing amy or just thinking abt how shed interact with others its always from the lens that she craves closeness with-#-others. she wants people to just stay for once.#does this make any sense. idk man im rambling here#my worst nightmare is characterizing her wrong its such a fine line and sometimes the words do not come out of my brain right#btw this is NOT me dissing amy i love amy. she is like top three favorite character.#important context: im typing this with amy firefox theme rn ok. ok im an amy fan.#she points at the minimize button like shes telling me to log off#jesus christ i just scrolled back up i love to put a whole other post in the notes dont i
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cannot stand it when i see posts saying orym could/can only ever have concrete conversations about himself and his feelings with either dorian or ashton or that they're the only people that would understand what he's going through. asides from the Women Just Don't Get It-ness of it all, like:
i rest my case
#🍃#critical role#critrole#fearne calloway#orym of the air ashari#they are BESTIES they are FRIENDS they are THE MOMENT#and even besides that i understand that fearne and orym have not gone through the same stuff but like...#are you telling me fearne does not or could not understand loneliness in the same way orym has#fearne. the girl who was left alone with only the hope of her parents being alive/caring through postcards in a time-dilated strange world#the girl who panics whenever anything changes that could take away her friends#the girl who fears being locked away because it reminds her of that loneliness more than being locked up#the girl who tries her damnedest to ensure that everyone she loves is safe and secure from any threat and shatters when she has to hurt the#the girl so desperate for someone to love her and not leave her that when her supervillain dad was ranting at her she was kind of grateful#you're saying she cannot understand orym's own feelings of inadequacy if he cannot protect innocents or his loneliness in a crowd? on god?#i do think that ashton is a good friend to orym and he can relate to him on other levels#and that dorian would also be understanding if he knew#BUT FEARNE IS RIGHT THERE
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DAYBREAK MENTION FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 65 CHAPTERS!!! BABYGIRL I MISS YOUUUU
#prince's talk tag#WHERE IS HE I NEED TO KNOW HES OK!!#yes i know he got fired at the end of chapter 27 but his luck is so good i imagine he bounced back quickly#i need him and twilight to interact again!! there so fun!!#i know it wont happen but imagine he somehow ends up working for WISE and he and twilight get paired for a mission#or twilight and yor have missions to do but dont wanna leave anya alone and no one is available atm so they hire someone#and that someone is daybreak#but since twilight already left by the time he arrived and yor was the one that greeted him before she left#twilight couldnt stop him from potentially blowing his cover (like he thinks hes been made but it was just a coincidence)#OR he is there when daybreak arrives but he can't send him away without raising suspicion so he has to take the L#and he either spends the whole chapter worried or he tries to go home to check on them but cant#meanwhile anya has read their minds and knows theyve met before and she gets excited which makes it harder for twilight to send daybreak off#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa i miss him soooooo much#ENDO WHERE IS HE??? WHY DID YOU LOCK HIM IN YOUR BASEMENT!! LET HIM OUT!!!!!#this was from ch 92 i was catching up bc i wanted a bunch of chapters to come out so i can read them all in one go#and yo that reveal anya pulled on damien during their dance!!!! so good!!!!#like yea he didnt believe her but she said it and he'll think about it whenever she say something she couldnt possibly of known#sxf#spy x family
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Taylor with Ross Travis - Travis’ close friend
#i think travis has definitely given a message to people in his life to make her feel as welcome as possible#esp whenever she’s visiting alone and he’s not there#tstk#chiefs game 2023#arshia talks
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WE GOT THE KEYS TO THE BEACH HOUSE BABY
#WE ARE SO BACK#my friend's parents love me and said i could visit any time so ????!??! they gave miffy the keys and told her to bring me 'whenever i want'#holy shit i need a moped or something so i can go alone and chill by the water#it's a 4ish hour drive so we probs will wait to go on special occasions but if i was in possession of them#i would be there right now sitting on the top bunk in the 3rd guest room holy shit#im so happy her family likes me#T^T#my surrogate mom and autistic dad lmao#they are so sweet and cool and im honored to be their fake son#well like we watched christmas movies and made food and went to see lights i think im actually their son now<3333#plus they are like really supportive on like me being trans#also apparently (friend) dad got drunk the other day and was telling my bestie that he really likes talking about stars and space w me#they specifically gave her the keys to the beach house bc they saw how happy i was when i was there i love my second mom and dad so much <3#anyway#if i drop off the face of the earth in the future it's bc im in the ocean trying to swim to uh well...#also *dad when i met him for the first time when we stayed there for thanksgiving just got diagnosed w autism and like would only talk to m#which was fine bc i get it bro im here for you; but he was like so happy to have someone who understood him#and i was happy to be w someone who also got it#and her mom was also really sweet ah#i love the whole fame miffy's bf included; they make me feel so loved and taken care of#i ah; sometimes i dont think i deserve this kind of love and then! people go out of their way to prove me wrong
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….
okay quick little rant cuz i’ve gone from feeling hurt to now just kinda pissed off.
i’m sure it’s been spurred on by the anxiety of her first christmas with the extended family being out, but my sister has been unnecessarily dismissive of both my feelings and my asexuality today and i’m so over it.
first it was the jabs at lunch- “exie’s an incel” or “well i’m weird/struggle with conversations and *i’ve* never had a problem getting partners”- like fuck right the fuck off?? sorry i don’t connect with people the same way you do. sorry i feel a little jaded because i am constantly never good enough for anyone. sure, she’s probably right in that i just haven’t found the right person i click with but she could’ve just left it at that? instead of insinuating there is something wrong with me or just straight up insulting everyone i’ve ever attempted to date.
and then joking around with her girlfriend this evening and tried to include me in it- “exie did you know condoms are bad for you don’t use them” (this is 100% a joke, they are both safe-sex advocates they were just being shitheads)
and i fired back with “good to know. don’t really want to be in a situation where one would be needed but thanks” cuz like. i am ace and have zero interest in sex. the longer i go and the more I understand my own feelings the less desire i have to ever sleep with anyone ever again.
and my sister just responds with “oh my god just fuck a woman already” and. that’s not the fucking problem here??? i don’t want to fuck anyone!! i don’t give a shit what their gender is!!! sex is off the damn table.
idk. i’m still hurt over the comments from lunch but now i’m just feeling it as anger and frustration.
#exie vents#this was not a quick rant. i lied i’m sorry#but like. i’m actually so angry. and i know i need to have a proper adult convo with her about this#because i do not ever want her to make comments like that again#i was. a little caught off guard by how badly they hurt my feelings but i genuinely cannot stop crying every time i think about it#and i hate that i can’t be left alone. always getting advice or suggestions about finding a partner#maybe i don’t want one! i genuinely don’t feel an urge to be with anyone#i go for the occasional match on hinge. may go on the occasional date. but i do not give. a fuck anymore#i’m happy to live my life alone. i can do whatever i want whenever i want. i am content#<- not content at this moment but overall? i’m good#i never ever think ‘i wish i had someone to share this with’
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been listening to jenny from thebes a lot again lately and i have come to the conclusion she is aromantic. everyone loves jenny, and she cares about all of them back. but she doesn't love them back. she just loves her bike
#mostly been thinking about going to dallas and great pirates#the romanticisation (ha) of riding off to nowhere alone#whenever someone else sings about jenny they long to see her again#but jenny doesn't yearn back. she's on her own. she's fine on her own#even in great pirates - the dream that isnt actually achieved#“calling the roll. lets see. just me”#non partnering aromantic icon jenny from thebes#i could probably elaborate/explain all this better if i had the brainpower. but i do not#she just has aro vibes and she's cooler for it#l rambles#tmg#jenny from thebes
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//share the tea sis how does spotlight megatron affects you?
IT'S SO FUCKING BAD IN THERE DUDE IT GETS SO BAD IN SPOTLIGHT MEGATRON IT MAKES SO SICK . Okay for context Megatron was temporarily dead (or out of commission. either way his ass was gone ) and shockwave was like. making him a new body. and in the meantime starscream was leading the cons, which in theory sounds great for her, right? NO megatron had made her such a joke over the years by treating her as unserious and beating the shit out of her in front of them that they all lost respect for her, so literally NONE of them listen to her and just. since they're stranded on an asteroid, they start eating each other for energon. very fun stuff.
anyways thats the context in spotlight megatron its about when he comes back after this and dude its so fucking bad for starscream it makes me sick the entire issue is megatron just being fucking horrible to her. literally for starscreams end of things it started with her being depressed as fuck in the main room and megatron being a little bitch and she's like "i know you're here to beat the shit out of me and mock me just get on with it" and she LITERALLY GRABS HIS ARM CANON AND POINTS IT AT HER LIKE JUST DO IT I KNOW YOU WILL. And all Megatron is thinking is "oh she's already depressed this isn't gonna be fun at all :/" LIKE HELLO WHAT THE FUCK MAN. AND PROCEEDS TO JUST VERBALLY BERATE HER. FOLLOWED BY THIS PANEL LIKE CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU
Like it's just so fucking bad he's literally trying to gode her into fighting him back or saying something nasty or anything cause he doesn't think it's fun when she's just miserable like hello !!!! and she's so miserable that she's just like at this point i fucking hope you do kill me. and he's like oh well if you really wanted to die you would've fought back what you CLEARLY want is punishment so let me beat the shit out of you. and I use this part in my pinned graphic but eaugaugehaahgahgah i'm ill im ill im sick
and of course at the end of all this fucking shit he's like you're welcome and you can work on repaying me for teaching you this valuable lesson. i'm punching a wall the entire issues so fucked up it's just a mental saw trap for starscream from megatron that ends in her getting beat an inch from her life. yay!! so fun!!!!!
#THE GRAND SCHEMER. / * OOC . ❞#captainseamech#like peace and love. i think this should be mandatory reading whenever people wanna go over starscream and megatrons dynamic in IDW#it's so bad in there it makes me so sick#sick in like. not a positive way cause euaeaugaugha but not in a bad way. i think it really. thats true to their dynamic. and im :( about i#this shit haunts her regularly i know it#for more plotpoints on why her and megatrons dynamic make me sick : the entire part early in RID#where he comes back post war and makes her watch as he destroys the one time she built a chance at power for herself#and fucking destroys the first thing she did post war and after him#and then that part in TAAO where shes yelling at bumblebee and literally says#i AM alone in this life because the MOMENT i forgot that life#usually in the form of MEGATRON#WOULD BEAT IT BACK INTO ME.#IS THIS THING ON CAN ANYONE HEAR ME PLEASE#long post#long post tw
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for the ship ask game...
feligami 🦚🐉
HI SELKIE 💘💓💗 let’s go into my room and sit on my bed. i have snacks 🥰
What made you ship it?
i didn’t ship feligami until very recently, since i have strong feelings about arocoded félix, but while i was making amvs i saw how many times they held hands and my heart was swayed.
What are your favorite things about the ship?
i don’t ship it enough to have an answer for this question 🤣 get nina in here. nina has essays on essays about queerness and abuse recovery. i suppose my answer is the hand holding.
Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?
i have strong feelings about this one too. they would not have kids ‼️ they would not get married ‼️ down with the nuclear family ‼️
(ship ask game)
#miraculous ladybug#🦭#🌃#maybe i will ramble about why i think félix is arocoded eventually#although i think part of it is the level to which i associate myself with him i mean i get physical pain whenever i think about aus where#he’s replaced in adrien’s life because i feel his emotions so viscerally they’re entangled with mine#BUT i think the idea has narrative merit on its own i mean#just another way in which you’re called a monster not human not feeling things like everyone else#seemingly doomed to be alone because you don’t relate to other people in the right way#your cousin chooses love over you and you just can’t understand you know?#and possibly even félix’s inability to love being a command from his father#the bunny incident i mean#paralleling trauma based aromanticism and the complicated feelings of not knowing whether you were always this way or it was done to you#and how to proceed and whether you’re valid and whether there’s even such a thing as being fixed#but i also believe in aroace amélie which means we can draw another parallel between them and he can be comfortable and proud because of he#*her#and you could make an argument for aro adrien too but i’m getting way off track#whoops i rambled so much LOVE YOU SELKIE
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Ok sorry I’m long overdue for a follow up of these tags I left on your post lol. Here goes: In my brain, the role of a cop is a very masculine one. Like obviously there are female cops but whenever they appear in media ( at the ones I’ve seen) they always are very masculine. So with Hayward whole thing about performing the role of a standard cop I think he was also performing masculinity in a very standard way. His whole arc in season 2 has also been about learning who he is outside of that performance so he I think he can also start to experiment with gender and get silly with it. I think that’d be good for him. maybe this only makes sense to me but thank you for the space to expand upon me ideas.
This is paige and Hayward season three. my final message
I just saw this response omg loving where you head is at... gotta get this out on the record before s3e3
#he can be gnc like harry dubois never let himself be#the silt verses#investigating officer hayward#hayward's gender has GOT to be weird like his whole thing with his wife who doesn't exist is SO gender#god I need to go back and rewrite 'come hell or high water' to make Hayward's wife not have been real#I think Jon and Muna have heavily implied that Hayward's wife was supposed to exist at the end of s1#but Jon decided to make her fake retroactively just to fuck with us#(in a 'just to fuck with us (affectionate)' kinda way#I don't believe in rewriting fic to conform to canon but the fact that THAT'S the fanon they canonized is *so* fucking good#a tasty tasty treat for us gremlins#but his wife that doesn't exist... he's like an alien in a human body doing a dane cook routine at work#whenever he talks about his wife who doesn't exist hating him I'm reminded of that John Mulaney bit#of 'my wife's a bitch and I don't like her? That's not a comedy routine! That's a support group for men in crisis!'#like Hayward. you invented this woman#she isn't real#why did you make her a bitch who doesn't like you????#and who YOU are pathetically still in love with#Like that's the craziest thing he doesn't even portray himself as in a failing marriage#he portrays himself as being desparate to stay in a failing marriage even though he isn't in love because he's afraid of being alone???#like hello am I speaking English here that's fucking insane in the membrane#siltposting#anyway thank you for answering my ask sorry to write this tag novel when you were just trying 2 help
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au where the black swan never had to abandon alluveterre, and sophie and biana keep sleeping in the same bed so much it becomes routine and they gradually get more cuddly as time goes by. and then they get more affectionate and emotionally intimate with each other too. and then they’re at the classic sapphic ‘are we dating or just really good friends?’ stage for a stupidly long time
#the more time this takes the better#also bonus points if they do end up leaving alluveterre anyway to go back home and whenever they're alone they go koala mode on each other#personally i think of biana as the one who's always clinging to sophie but i'm open to it being the other way around#particularly on hard days for sophie when she just needs the comfort of her...biana#definitely not gf what are you talking about#also if you think ahead in this au to the point where they're living either in the elite levels together or on their own together please#consider: the two of them actively seeking each other out as roommates and only ever using one bed and being. well. Roommates TM#whether this is established relationship or pining at this point i would be soooo in man#kotlc#keeper of the lost cities#sophiana#sophie foster#biana vacker#kotlc fic idea#this is one of those ones where the slower the burn the better if you get what i mean
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Had this moment of extreme anger and aggression out of nowhere and ended up hurting myself and then i wrote about it, went out to get some coffee, chatted w the coffee lady for 5 minutes, watched an episode of amphibia and now i feel weirdly refreshed and hopeful about life and the future??
#self harm cw#idk if i consider it sh because i really just slapped my thigh a bunch of times until it bruised a little#like there's no blood nothing serious happened i just wanted to break something#then i found a bunch of scrap paper and i tore it to shreds before i did anything stupid with the scissors on my desk#looking forward to this tattoo appointment so bad. i'm hoping to 1) get something so pretty it will make me happy and calm me down#whenever i look at it 2) to get something to pretty in my left forearm that it will stop me from doing anything to it to not risk ruining it#and 3) hopefully feeling all that pain will like... discharge everything in one go so i won't want to hurt myself again for some time#thinking about all the things that made me feel bad was the only thing that got me through my wisdom tooth removal surgert#like yes... yes... pain and suffering... i deserve... hurt hurt hurt#anyway two gone! only two more to go#in one hand: it's a genuinely helpful way to handle pain and pain is inescapable a lot of the time so having a mental resource to protect me#is pretty cool actually#on the other hand: oh my girlfriend is gonna cry so much when she finds out. i know it's not good or normal or healthy#i really need to talk about it with my therapist. idk why i get so angry. nothing happened#i'm just glad i was alone and there was no one i could take my anger out on. because that someone is usually my girlfriend#and i love her so much i never want to hurt her#i felt so proud of myself when she told me one day she thought i wasn't an angry person at all#that i rarely ever got mad#like... yes... yes... i have succeeded... at making myself appear harmless... this is everything angsty teenage me ever wanted...#personal#when does this therapy thing kick in guys#maybe i just need to tattoo my whole body so i won't do anything to it#for now: toothless tattoo on my arm will protecc it from my crazy brain. hopefully.
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I was wondering a lil bit bout when I got sent to my sister's place alone and I was in such a peaceful state despite the lack of a pc for nearly a week but then I got back to my mom's place and it feels like my patience was shorter for whatever reason. And now that the whole family is at sister's place I get it now. I understand what's different. My mom.
#aria rants#i thought it was a me problem but turns out its a problem with my mom being horribly aggravating#that it continuously tests my patience in ways where its no wonder i managed to lengthen it#its the matter where i sometimes do smth and she assumes the worst just to mock me in a way she thinks is teasing#or i do smth and she comments on it. or when id rather be left alone and its also pretty obvious (reading smth srsly) but then#she starts talking bout smth to me thats often times completely irrelevant for me to turn my attention to her#cuz when it was just me and my sis it was PEACEFUL. i get to do what i want while my sis does her own stuff#it was so peaceful i didnt even mind being interrupted to do chores meanwhile back at my moms place its suddenly such a bother#the only good side to this is the fact that i also finally confirm that whenever i get pissed easily. its cuz of galahad#galahad doesnt like my mom. he gets angrier quicker while i can manage to just ignore it pretty well#what with the fact that ive been living with her for so long. but also realizing this is such a: my life quality wouldve been better...
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