#when your NB & Pan everything is gay

[enbnuuynoises]

*waves hands*

You are not immune to gay(pan) Hare propaganda

-They/Them!

[vancilocs]

1-1 for radu and mateo?

i went with the assumption this meant 1-11 instead

1. What's your oc's gender identity? What's their relationship to their gender?

Radu's a man, and quite comfortable in it

Mateo's a man, comfortable like that, hasn't paid it much thought

2. What's your oc's orientation? (Romantic/sexual/platonic alterous ect) Do they have opinions about it?

Gay, and he will mention it liberally (sees hot man? "Wow I'm gay." Has to do something but he's tired? "No I'm gay I can't")

Pansexual, just vibing, gender/sex has no bearing he will attract everyone. Also polyamorous who favors having 2 partners

3. How did your oc discover themself? Did something cause them to question, or did they always know?

He kinda always knew, stared at pics of male models at clothing stores for too long as a kid, googled "two boys kissing" at like 11, got a painful gay crush on a straight friend as a teen, realized in ballet class that it was doing things to him etc.

He's always kept his options open because looks don't do anything to him, so when he realized a masculine voice did it for him too he was kinda like huh. Okay I can work with this. Got into polyamory through other people/being a third in a relationship, found out it suit him too

4. Is your oc's environment supportive about their identity? How does this impact them?

Mariya was very supportive, after all they're very close, Val laughed abt the google results Radu forgot to delete but he's bi himself so it would never have been a problem

Very supportive. Mateo has a lot of foster and adopted siblings who come from all walks of life and all that is accepted

5. How did you figure out your oc's identity?

Started off with it

It's almost like the default but also he was meant for a guy and a nb person so

6. How does your oc feel about labels? Theirs, or in general?

Uses gay liberally, has no issue with labels

Doesn't really label himself, just says that everything goes. If someone really wants to know he will say pan, no problem

7. Is there something that could cause your oc to question their identity? What?

He knows very well what he wants and likes, even when he had his worst issues with his own body he still wanted things, just didn't want others to see

He's so fluid and cool with it, so no. Even if he's comfortable in a monogamous relationship it won't make him question himself being poly

8. Have they had struggles with their identity, be it due to internal or external reasons?

Not particularly

Nah

9. Are there cultural or lore specific aspects to their identity? If applicable, does their species affect it?

With how far we are into the future I don't apply the kind of homophobia Slavic or South American Catholic cultures would have

10. Does your oc celebrate Pride? How?

Doesn't go over the top but a rainbow flag can be at his home year round

Not particularly

11. Is your oc open about their identity? Are they more lowkey or more blunt about it? Why or why not?

General social anxiety stops him from talking abt it to strangers but friends do know

He's very casual about it but will do stuff like mention having ex-boyfriends if it applies

[catgirl-catboy]

I still want to hear your sexuality hc about your fav characters like an idiot

Types up small essay:

(I included some gender hcs too, since there's a lot of gender HCs that are very important to me.)

I've already mentioned some of these, but it pains me to make an incomplete list. Also, it's divided by fandom. (for fandoms you aren't in, disregard!)

These are only the ones I'm very attached to and cannot imagine the character without. No worries if you are squicked by or disagree with any of em!

One Piece:

Luffy: Canonically asexual, but I hc him specifically as sex positive. He doesn't really get the point, but would fuck you if you asked. Also NB. Man does not understand the hype around gender in the slightest.

Nami: Sex NEGATIVE asexual, and will only use sex appeal to steal your wallet.

Franky: Trans dude. If he can make himself a robot body, he can make himself a robot dick. Also he's Bi. He never mentions any of this, and is surprised that his crewmates didn't already know.

Zoro: Has legit never thought about it. He has no fucking clue what his sexuality is. He just does what he wants in the moment.

Sanji: There's a solid arguement to be made in canon that my dude is not Cis. (There's simping, and then there's getting euphoria for being in the body of your hot female friend.) I personally HC him as bigender. Also, no way is he actually into ladies.

Homestuck:

Vriska: Trans woman, transitioned super young. Will fight you if you misgender her.

Karkat: Not being able to feel certain quadrants places him on the Troll aromantic spectrum. Troll sexuality is different and my HCs should reflect that!

John: Bi, and doesn't understand that Bi isn't the default. Everyone finds their male friends attractive, that doesn't mean they want to date them! (he is wrong.)

Aradia: Lesbian in red and pitch quadrants.

Roxy: Pan, and uses she/her + Neopronouns (I'd think it/its and nya/nyas fit her vibe.)

Jade: Queer, and very open about having a crush on everyone in her friend group at one point.

The Owl House:

Willow: Trans woman. Her intro episode has so much trans subtext, what can I say!

No South Park Headcanons I'm really attached to, but practically everything but Transfem!Butters has canon backing at this point.

I actually don't headcanon Mr. Kitty as intersex because Ms. Cartman totally replaces Mr. Kitty whenever something bad happens, and that explains the inconsistencies.

Total Drama:

Bi Owen is arguably canon, if played for laughs. (I know the shows old, but yikes!)

But have you considered... closeted Bi Heather? Gives me peak "get out of my school vibes" with Gwen.

Julia seems the type to pretend to be gay on the internet for clout, then realize she actually is gay. She's horrible like that.

I know Wayne is canonically the best Ally, but Harold knows more about LGBTQ+ history than everyone else put together and will happily talk about it when asked. He has helped at least 3 people figure out the name for their sexuality.

I saw someone posting about Aroace DJ, and it has not left my brain since.

Bi Zoey! She's not open about it, due to not wanting to be the only openly queer person in her small town.

Scott is gay, but he also knows very little about sexuality. It takes him embarrassingly long to figure it out.

Jasmine is questioning her sexuality, and Sammy (I will not call her Samey, I refuse.) was her first known crush on a girl. Still love her and Shawn though.

He/they Shawn. Based off vibes.

Priya gives me "me before I realized I was into girls" vibes. I don't make the rules.

Ace Attorney:

Bi Gumshoe. If he's straight, why does he act the exact same around Edgeworth than he does his CANON crush.

Aroace Athena. I cannot imagine her having romantic feelings for anyone, I'm sorry. (Junie had a crush on her at one point though, and she was flattered.)

NB Apollo. His relationship with gender (makes contented buzzing noise!)

Demi Edgeworth: Cannot have a crush on someone without knowing them for 5 years first.

Transmasc. Maya, because gender roles in her village is pretty key to her arc, and that'd be a cool way of exploring that.

I know Bi Phoenix is the prevalent headcanon, but I am a Gay Phoenix enjoyer. His fling with Dahlia reads as Comphet to me.

Danganronpa:

Gonta's relationship with gender in canon is so ??? no way is he cis. I'm giving him the Genderqueer label, but Cisn't. I don't think he's quite figured it out though.

If I am despised for liking Bi Tenko, so be it. It makes sense with what we see of her backstory, and no way am I allowing my fave to be a stereotype.

I am a trans Chihiro enjoyer, but fuck you if you think the people that want to use Chihiro's canon pronouns are transphobic. The whole thing is stupid, and people should be able to have fun with the character without discourse

Very Openly gay, All Pronouns (including Neopronouns!) Ibuki. They lead the GSA at Hope's Peak. Ate a gender for breakfast once.

Demi Taka. Also Demi Mukuro.

Aroace Togami. Man only has an interest in sex because its expected of him, and does not enjoy when someone is sexually attracted to him.

Aroace Makoto with a million QPPs. It doesn't make sense with canon, but it is one of my favorite headcanons.

Bi Toko.

Poly Kaede.

[bisluthq]

https://www.tumblr.com/bisluthq/756823852163727360/i-dont-think-people-should-speculate-about?source=share

This was cool to read and good for lorde for living and sharing what she wants and if she's exploring, that's cool. I had one of my male friends explore his gender identity and he experimented with a lot of stuff and ultimately decided he's full dude and not NB or fluid in that way (he IDs as having a fluid sexuality and said bi and pan labels don't resonate). But what was cool was he spent months just being so mindful of literally every choice he made and was like 'ok why do I want to order this drink? Is it what I want? Do I actually want to wear this? Or am I expected to?' We have a very gay friend group with one token straight out of the 8 of us lmao but he was first to explore gender and then we all would sit down at dinner and be like 'no wait - DO I want to order this? Did I want to wear this????' and im sure it sounds like I'm reducing gender to like girls ordering beer and boys ordering a Cosmo or something and little stereotypes... But it was actually a really good thing for all of us? We all thought about why we did stuff more than ever before and another girl said she wasn't sure if she was cis (she still hasn't decided but I don't think she cares because she presents not overly feminine (in traditional sense) and is just who she is but the labels are overwhelming). And apart from the token straight girl (soz not soz I love calling her that for a joke 😂) we've all come out regarding sexuality so talking about gender was super casual, compared to my other friends who are very straight and see a lot of that stuff as like 'women can wear trousers and be builders now, men are nurses, what else is there?' lol like they're not being even micro aggressive, but they just don't get it.

All of this to say, whether it's actively thinking about your choices in regards to gender or something else, I thoroughly recommend examining why you do some things and if you're only doing them because it's what's expected or the norm because it's just a really good way to get to know yourself. In our group of 8, one friend stopped drinking because he didn't actually like the taste or feeling and another went to therapy because she realised she was still trying to get her parents approval. Like it was realllllly good. Thoroughly recommend. Oh and for funsies, I learned I was trying so hard to seem fun and happier as a way of hiding my depression (that my friends all knew I had lmao) that I was doing shit I didn't like just to look like a fun person, but it's actually ok to order a cup of tea with dinner and go home early and sleep. Sleeping at reasonable hours is awesome lol

THIS was an awesome and inspiring read. Your friend group sounds awesome, as do you. I also recommend examining why you do things and how you do things - especially in your early 20s tbh but if you “missed” that window still def do it (it’s not too late), and if you’re younger and feel like you’ve got it figured out that’s… awesome lol but I’m not sure you do. And it’s okay to change your mind regarding what you like and the labels you use and the pronouns that work and… everything.

Just like for my own story: I came out as bi when I was 19 turning 20 but I’d known for kinda a fair while before that. As part of that, I also felt like I had to present more masculine for a while there so I got a pixie cut and wore Doc Martens and did think a fair bit about gender. I then decided I was pretty much completely gay but very cis and presented hyper feminine - I also got quite religious for a little while and into dressing tznius (modestly) so no pants (I did make an exception for the gym because I wasn’t THAT strict about it but I didn’t wear shorts even at gym for example), nothing above elbows, no plunging necklines etc. I only dated girls in that time (well one girl mostly). I’m retrospectively not sure if part of the hyperfeminine and religious thing was me “compensating” subconsciously for being gay. I’m now living with a man who has also done a lot of thinking about this kind of thing and is like… Kinsey 2ish idk he usually just calls himself straight because he has a VERY heavy preference for women - like wouldn’t ever date another man but enjoys kissing other men on occasion and has been in more sexual situations with other men like he’s gone further than kissing but overall he’s decided it’s not really his thing lol. That said, as I’ve also said before, he doesn’t really enjoy penetrative sex much at all so idk we are very sexually compatible tbh and both quite respectful of each other’s vibe on these things. What’s been interesting to me though is I’ve noticed I’ve started presenting in more masculine ways? Like I started wearing a lot of pants again and a lot of boots/unisex sneakers and I pretty much stopped wearing makeup (which is interesting because I was like a “full face before work” kind of person while with my exes but now I think about it I think when with my first boyfriend I also often didn’t wear makeup lol). So idk man like… I don’t think I was being dishonest with myself when I was doing the makeup and the pretty dresses and shit and I wasn’t dishonest when I said I’m bi OR when I said I only date women OR when I said “okay and also this guy” (Shy Ronnie and Clyde style) OR when I say like “I want to wear comfy shoes and my sweatpants today and fuck makeup for the day” and do my lil DIY a projects lol. I even think the pixie cut and like attempting to present more butch wasn’t dishonest with myself, it was me trying something that I ultimately quite quickly realized isn’t very me but I’m glad I tried it because otherwise how would I know that it’s not very me?

I have this bar friend who I’m probably gonna see a lot less of for a while because I’m doing a whole sober era but she’s old af right she just turned 60. She realized she’s a lesbian in her late 30s. She had only dated men before that and was even pregnant with an ex boyfriend (very tragic story there re the baby and a very fucked up relationship but yeah like she was). What I dig about her is she’s SO unapologetically herself. So she shortens her name to a traditionally boy name, wears a pixie cut and only ever pants and flats but she also loves funky makeup and doing her nails all different colors and LOADS of bling and bizarrely she loves the Brit royals and like has bumper stickers of them on her (I shit you not) Subaru and she also loves very hectic outdoor stuff and idk is just… so her. But it’s taken her, by her own admission, a fucking LIFETIME to get here and she has a lot of issues too and she drinks waaaaayyyyy too fucking much lol so it’s not like figuring out what makes her happy and who she is has magic pilled her. And that’s a woman who’s literally 60. She’s also had like 8 careers lmao and achieved a bunch in all of them and loves what she does now but again she’s… 60. And she’s not like… sorted yk, like there’s a lot going on, which as I say is why I don’t think I’m gonna see her for a fair while.

Which was a really long essay to say that we should be kinder to ourselves and each other and celebs really as we all figure our shit out. The internet has been really bad for that imo because everyone is so obsessed with having your neat labels in your bios everywhere and it’s… okay not to know. It’s okay to play around with stuff. It’s okay to change your mind multiple times. All of that’s fine. It’s never too late (or too early) to try something out and see if it’s you 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

Also good luck with your depression bestie, I’m here for you ❤️✊🏻

[wundergeek]

Good day to you! I just stumbled upon your blog because of your art (looks amazing btw) and since you are an original fiction writer, I'm sort of curious about your opinion on something.

People have always reimagined and rewritten characters to be different. Nowadays, they often are changed to not be straight anymore (such as changing same sex friendships to romantic relationships for example). What are your thoughts on this? Would it be better to leave old characters be and write representation in the form of original characters, or is this a legitimate, respectful way of creating more media rep for gay and bisexual characters? And if so, what would you think about someone rewriting your own characters someday, including changing their sexual orientation?

Thank you very much for spending time answering this ask, if you do! If you don't, though, that is understandable, too.

Oh gosh! Thank you, about the art. It gets hard to find motivation to work on OC art when it typically doesn't get any interaction.

As for your question - I mean. When it comes to big media properties, I don't see any particular problem with it. Like, there's this thing big media companies do where they introduce Clearly Queer Coded couples without ever making anything explicit onscreen as a way of trying to have representation without offending bigots. (I'm looking at YOU, Rogue One and The Acolyte!) So if people want to pick out two characters from Star Wars or House of the Dragon or anything like that, go nuts?

As for the stuff I'm writing (obviously very few people have read it yet, hopefully that will change in the near future!) which is queer romance written by a queer person for queer people... The characters I write intentionally reflect mostly invisible aspects of the queer experience: demi pan people, AMAB nbs, bisexual nbs (we exist!), polyamorous people in committed relationships, femme cis men... So, my first impulse is that I'd be miffed if someone changed one of my characters to, like, straight.

But at the same time, sexuality is weird and unpredictable and I think the queer community has gotten WAY TOO FAR into the weeds of nailing down The Exact Specifics of orientation in a way that doesn't allow for growth and self-discovery and that feels pretty at odds with my experience of queerness. So if someone wants to fanon two characters in a way that falls outside of that character's previously "defined" orientation, as long as they're not like "welp, everything about my previous experience was a lie, this is who I am now", then... [shrugs]

[bisexualsdeservebetter]

So like I want to clarify something I learned from older lgbt folks when I was younger because while I’m still working out my identity I’m definitely not straight.

When I was little I learned the pansexual and bisexual were very similar. Bisexuals can be attracted regardless of gender or it can be 2 or more genders- ie attracted only to men(all men bc obviously trans men are men and parts are not your gender) and non-binary folks but not women(all women bc transwomen are women and parts obviously don’t determine gender). Perhaps there’s also a notable preference of where you find yourself more attracted.

However I learned pansexual as similar but gender is not a factor in attraction and/or there isn’t a physical preference for attraction even if there might be a mental one. Like if they don’t want to date men but are still attracted to them.

I also was told these are blurry guidelines but as long as you are not using the terms to be transphobic you are good. They also said pansexual can be a spot to put yourself when you are questioning rather than calling yourself other labels if it feels like a big decision. And lastly that it’s okay that these terms overlap because the reality is the understanding of orientation and gender is constantly changing. these terms were both created in transphobic times that all people have internalized to different degrees we have a bias. If we dig into somethings we can often find a way to make them more complicated and the boundaries between everything becomes more blurry.

So this is my question to you. Does bi mean everything here. Does it mean a gender identity preferences or not? If so- is that preference conscious/choice or instinctive/uncontrolled attraction? What if your conscious and instinctive don’t match- like you are attracted to all but you don’t want to be or you are mentally only attracted to some? So to this point - Does bi always mean +2 or more genders? Or Does it always mean all genders? I feel like distinguishing that is important.

If you have questions abt how I phrase things let me know! I’m still exploring my orientation and gender identity and I want to learn more. I know you are anti pan but I don’t actually know what bi is exactly and I feel like if all those things are bi it just is so broad from the get go that maybe another term might be helpful for some people to clarify or feel more seen under as a sublabel. That or I might constantly have to explain what I mean by bi. If it doesn’t what are the other terms that mean things. Like cause what if I am not attracted to anyone who has a gender identity as a man. I don’t know yet. There was another thing but I forgot it as I was writing this. If I remember I’ll add it but thank you for your time and I hope you are doing well. I am just trying to understand things and make sure I have the right info.

"Bisexuals can be attracted regardless of gender or it can be 2 or more genders- ie attracted only to men(all men bc obviously trans men are men and parts are not your gender) and non-binary folks but not women"

First of all I'd like to say I 100% disagree with how this is characterised. Like I said before, you cannot be attracted to just nb people because you cannot tell when a person is nb unless they've got like a pronoun pin or something. If you're just attracted to men and like man adjacent nb people then you're either straight or gay, depending on if you yourself are a woman or a man.

"Does bi mean everything here. Does it mean a gender identity preferences or not? If so- is that preference conscious/choice or instinctive/uncontrolled attraction? What if your conscious and instinctive don’t match- like you are attracted to all but you don’t want to be or you are mentally only attracted to some? So to this point - Does bi always mean +2 or more genders? Or Does it always mean all genders?"

Yes, bi does mean everything. The 'bi' prefix denotes hetero and homo attraction, as in genders unlike and like your own, 2 types of attraction that encompass everyone.

Preferences play no role in defining your sexuality. It's fine to be bi and have a preference, it's also fine to not have a preference. I am bisexual, and I have a preference for men. One of my friends is bisexual, and they have no preference at all. Both of us are still bi. Preferences aren't really a conscious thing though, because attraction isn't a conscious thing. You are just attracted to who you are attracted to, and you cannot control it. You can still choose to only date certain people of course, but you cannot actually control who you are and aren't attracted to.

If you are attracted to all but don't want to be then you've probably got personal problems you need to work through before you'll be able to really come to terms with yourself. You cannot control your attraction, no matter what you want or what you think.

Bisexuality always means regardless of gender, but that doesn't mean that you are obligated to date people of every gender. You can still be as picky as you want to be with partners as a bisexual. The only requirement for being bisexual is the ability to be attracted to a person of any gender.

I hope this has been helpful. Please don't rush trying to figure yourself out, there is plenty of time to question and learn. Feel free to send more asks, or ask for clarification if I was unclear about something. Have a nice evening.

[novelconcepts]

Hey :) what do you think about some people seeing Damie as queerbait?

I...people are saying that? ....okay, that is. Upsetting and baffling. The definition of queerbait is “creators hint at, but do not actually depict, LGBTQ representation”, generally for the sake of marketing/drumming up viewership. There is fundamentally no way to write an entire show around a love story between two women--a love story that culminates in lifelong romantic partnership resulting in civil union (re: in their hearts, marriage) and persisting beyond death--that qualifies as queerbait. And, moreover, the fact that this show was entirely marketed without leaning on the f/f love story as its foundation really strips any wind out of that sail--Bly didn’t use the promise of queer love to get viewers. Bly kept it a secret, somehow, despite it being the biggest piece of the show. 

I’m going to go ahead and assume whoever has decided to throw this term around incorrectly is upset about one of two things. Either, A) the fact that neither Dani nor Jamie ever actively says the words “I am gay” onscreen, or B) the fact that the relationship is not sexualized onscreen to the point of an actual sex scene. Which...has nothing to do with queerbaiting. It has everything to do with the idea that unless we stamp a rainbow flag on a thing, scream it from the rooftops, and show skin, it will never be “queer enough”. 

Dani is, most likely, gay. It’s in the text--with her relationship with Jamie--and it’s in the subtext--in how she talks about her identity, her relationship with Eddie, how she holds herself around the seamstress, etc. Jamie is, also, most likely gay. It’s entirely possible one or both of them is not gay--is, in fact, bi/pan/fluid--but even if that were true, it makes their relationship no less legitimate, no less queer, and no less the whole core of the show. A character does not have to state their identity onscreen in order to be really solid representation for that identity. Dani is very queer. Jamie is very queer. Their love is shown via conversation, eye contact, physical contact, many kissing scenes, sleeping together offscreen, literally saying “I’m in love with you”/”you’re the love of my life”, “I’ll marry you again when I can”, etc. It’s in the lighting design, the music cues, the fact that both performers went all-in with their work to a degree where the show would not function the same way without them. There is not an inch of bait to be found in the whole damn thing. We don’t need to have a flatly-stated “I’m gay”, and we certainly don’t need a full-naked sex scene to “prove it”--much like how, in real life, no one has to prove their queerness by stating/showing it to others. They’re queer. They’re in love. That’s the whole idea of the story, and it’s painted as normal and beautiful and respectful all the way down. It, by definition, cannot be queerbait. The queerness is, at its heart...the show. 

And, a final point, just in general: the idea that you have to prove queerness makes me insane, because it’s primarily a concept designed to keep people out of the umbrella. Telling bi people they have to prove it really means “you’d better be visibly in a relationship with someone of your own gender presentation, or we’ll oust you”. Telling ace/aro people to prove it implies they are not fundamentally part of the community just by being who they are. Telling trans/nb people to prove it means “there’s a right and a wrong way to be what you are, and if you don’t do it my way, you don’t count.” It is all, pardon my rage, bullshit. Queerness is a personal thing. You know if you’re queer--no one else can tell you otherwise. You don’t have to ever tell anyone. You don’t have to stage a big coming out party. You don’t have to date someone who helps you “prove it”. That’s just...a constant vitriolic rhetoric designed to gatekeep, and I...hate it.   

[transmasc-wizard]

@letters-to-lgbt-kids' 22 Questions for Nonbinary November!

1.Which labels do you use? Transmasculine, nonbinary, genderqueer, nonbinary trans guy, transmasc. (only counting gender labels)

2.What are your pronouns? he/they! No preference.

3.How old were you when you came out to yourself as nonbinary? Uh... idk exactly but it was like a year ago? ish? depends on whether you count the other 3 times i came out to myself lmao.

4.What’s one thing you’d like to tell your younger self? "hey there's actually a Reason you hate being called pretty and avoid mirrors like the plague and really want a flat chest. Wild, right"

5.Is there a myth about nonbinary people that annoys you the most? that we're all unaligned and want to be androgynous. I DO want to be andro, in the sense of being fem and masc at the same time, but others don't. Also, i'm masc-alligned.

6.Is there a nonbinary celebrity you look up to? This might be cheap lol but Demi Lovato, i like their music, so... yeah.

7.If you’re out, how did you come out? I am not ~technically~ out. But my friend knows; i was like "hey i think im transmasc" and she said "ok cool". but i came out to my family and it was. interesting lmao

8.Is there a gender-related pun you like? non-beenary. Also: trans people should handle the money because everything we do is a transaction im so sorry

9.Do you have friends who identify as nonbinary, too? friend-ish people, yeah. Also i have a friend who jokes she's "{name}gender" and says he is ok with literally any pronouns so... we may have an egg here.

10.Do you have a favorite lgbt+ character? Hmmmm Nico Di Angelo is my namesake but i honestly can't pick lmao.

11. Lgbt, lgbt+, lgbtqa+… which one do you usually use? Queer. I have a long, long post explaining why, but i hate being called LGBT unless you also call me queer lmao

12. How do you explain the term “nonbinary” to people who have no idea what it means? "i do not vibe with gender". or, "boy is here, girl is here, no gender is here, and i am here" *points between boy and no gender*. they usually get it

13.Tell us a fun fact about yourself (gender-related or random!) i am absolutely obsessed with books and if you want a book of any genre or type or trope just ask me via asks or anon and i will throw ALL THE RECS at u

14.How did you find your name? I stole it from Nico Di Angelo <3

15.If you’re in a relationship, how did your partner react to your coming-out? I'm a single pringle who doesn't wanna mingle lol, but my FRIENDS were all pretty good (except one. she's a transphobic asshole and i kinda hate her now)

16.Do you prefer partner, datemate, significant other or something else? i mean i've never dated and don't really wanna but my theoretical partner would call me boyfriend or partner in crime. the "in crime" would not be optional and i would not date someone who would object to it

17.A piece of advice for questioning kids? don't treat labels like they own you. E.g. if you ID as straight then really wanna date a boy/girl/ur gender, don't jump thru hoops explaining away that emotion--just use bi or pan or something else that fits. Also, it's ok to change labels!! i did like 20 times before i settled on my labels i've been using for about 8 months now!!

18.Which flag(s) do you use? nonbinary, genderqueer, aroace, bi, trans, transmasculine, asexual, aromantic. Look em up urself, tumblr won't let me post the images

19.Any tips for bad days? read a book. write a story. draw a picture. it doesn't have to be good, just do it. it helps

20.Do you have a favorite nonbinary blog on tumblr? i like @neopronounsmybelovaed, @lgb-positivi-t (not NB specific tho), and @letters-to-lgbt-kids (also not nonbinary specific tho). idk i havent seen a lot of NB blogs--reccomendations are appreciated!

21.Feminine, masculine, androgynous - or none of those things? i would like to be all of them at once but also femme but also manly masc boy but also 'my gender is gay and my sexuality is nonbinary' but also do not percieve me but ALSO-- (u get the idea)

22. What are your three favorite things about yourself? ah fuck uh. i like my writing. I like my ability to usually find good friends. i like how i will literally consume All The Information related to the things i like (in other words, talk to me about the raven cycle or writing pls).

[posi-pan]

Have you considered calling yourself bi? There’s just been a lot of bi folks saying that the pan label was borne out of transphobia. Sorry if this is feels like invalidating people I don’t wanna do that, I just wanna know if maybe you’d give some personal insight or smthn on why pan ppl continue to use “pan” instead of bi, esp. since the definition of bi has always included all genders + nb?

i’ve talked about this before, but i’ll go into again.

to answer your question: no, i’ve never considered calling myself bi. bi was never a label i identified with or felt represented by. and it still isn’t. i knew about bi before i knew about pan, and i still never thought “that’s me” on a personal level or even a technical definition level.

i was very much a no label kind of person before learning about pan. and that’s because pan was the only label that i ever saw defined in a way that specifically described how i felt about attraction in regard to gender.

it wasn’t the “attraction to all genders” definition that i related to, and it sure as fucking shit wasn’t some misguided “pan included trans and non-binary people where bi doesn’t” idea. what made me identify as pan was specifically the “regardless of gender” definition.

whenever i was asked what gender(s) i liked, i didn’t know how to answer because i didn’t think about it like that. i’d shrug and say i liked who i liked. and when i look back even further, i never really had thought about gender when i liked someone. so explaining and labeling my attraction based on gender with terms that focused on gender(s) didn’t make sense to me. so i didn’t use them.

and i was never really concerned about having a label, either. like, i wasn’t trying to find one and if i never learned about about pan, i probably wouldn’t have one or would only use queer. but when i learned about pan, i had my “that’s me” moment. because my lack of consideration of gender in my attraction was actually specifically mentioned in The Definition of a label.

it’s always weird to me when people talk about identifying as pan as something we do instead of identifying as bi. because for me, it wasn’t between the two. it didn’t come down to pan and bi and pan just happened to be the one i chose.

bi was never an option for me because i’m just not bi, just like gay or lesbian were never an option for me because i’m just not gay or lesbian. me identifying as bi would feel as wrong as identifying as gay (not wrong as in there’s anything wrong with being bi or gay, but as in being the wrong label for me personally).

people continue to use pan because it continues to be a label that resonates with people. it’s as simple as that. it’s not because bi is lacking in some problematic way.

and not everything is about fitting a technical definition. if that were the case, there wouldn’t be multiple terms for being attracted to more than one gender. there wouldn’t be multiple ways of labeling attraction to one gender. there wouldn’t be multiple terms for little to no attraction.

people need labels they connect with and feel seen by. sometimes it’s about needing a different or more specific definition. sometimes it’s about the word itself. sometimes it’s about other things.

regardless, self-identification is personal, not universal. it is not and never should be about shoving as many people into as few boxes as possible because you don’t like the idea of someone who “could” identify as one thing but identifies as something else.

as for the claim of pan becoming a label because of transphobia, do some research. that’s a topic i’ve talked about so much that i’m not getting into again. some advice: don’t rely on panphobes for pansexual history. might i suggest the pan timeline i’ve recently created, that includes a page on the bi community’s history of including and accepting alternative mspec labels? or my reference tag that has a lot of posts that discuss pan existing as a label as early as the ‘60s and trans/non-binary people’s accounts of pan gaining ground in the ‘90s to combat transphobia? (those things are also included in the more detailed pan timeline). i’m not getting into the claim that the definition of bi has always included all genders, either, because i’ve also talked about that before.

[epic-sorcerer]

Cis, white, nt, abled monosexuals need to realize they have privilege actually

Like...the lgbtq community is and has always been fuckibg full of racism, ablesim, monosexism, transphobia, ect. I cannot list every single group taht has privilege, neither can I the full amount of discrimination names. Theses too many to count.

A lot of pride events are inaccessible for disabled poeple. As a wlw, i am always afraid to let peopel know both my mental disabilities and sexuality. Poeple often think I’m too dumb to chose my own label for myself. I’m just so helpless and need an abled person to save me /s.

A lot of white gays steal shit from AAVE or are just stright up racist but their gay! They can’t possibly be racist! /s

As a bi women, I’ve been taught that I will never have the same worth as a lesbian. That lesbians are pure and have nothing close to the dirty heterosexuals. I’ve idolized them so badly I let many biphobic lesbans be shitty to me and even traumatized me. But it’s okay. They are better then me, they know better. It must be my fault. /s

It’s gotten to a point where the word lesbian, the flag, lesbophobia is a trigger for me sometimes. When I see it, everything comes rushing back. I am dirty. I am worth half of them. I once physically recoiled at the sight of the flag.

The amount of sapphic transphobes in the community is fucking unreal. Most terfs ive met are wlw and it’s fucking embarrassing. They are drunk off their ignorance and act like they are the fucking fountain of knowledge.

There is so many mspecphobes in the bi community. I’ve stopped scrolling through the bisexual tag on tumblr because I KNOW I will find some anti pan, onmi, abro, ect shit. The newer the identity, the more hate it gets. It’s sickening.

There is so much intersexism in the perisex community. There is so little education about intersex conditions and it fucking shows. I just...come on, people.

There is a lot of aphobia and arophobia just..in the general community. The fact that allos are constantly trying to prove it’s not real or that aspec people cannot use identities they have historically used is fucking embarrassing. LEAVE THEM THE FUCK ALONE. LET THEM HAVE THEIR CAKE/PIZZA. LET THEM FUCKING LIVE FOR CHRISTS SAKE.

Exclusionists. Like in general. Just chill, most likely the group your excluding isn’t actually hurting anyone. Mostly it’s people using identities they’ve historically been aloud to use and neurodivergent people making their own to describe themselves.

NB phobia. It’s scientifically proven they exist, AND that gender is a huge spectrum. Of course they sometimes dress differently. Of course some of them have pronouns you wouldn’t expect. Gender is weird and confusing especially if you don’t identify with the usual binary. A lot of it can involve using more obscure lables and terms to help them feel comfortable and that’s okay!!!

Lgbt people acting like marriage equality is perfect after same gender couples get to marry. Like it’s not extremely hard for transgender people to be officially married as their own gender. Like disabled people dotn have their government money taken away when they get married. Like interracial Marriage isn’t still incredibly taboo in some places and cultures. Like polyamory people can get married at all in some places.

That’s all I can think of off the top of my head! Feel free to add on. There’s so much shit in this community, its really upsetting. 

[lixiesbabyhands]

hey um hi,

i had a question i hope its not rude, im genuinely curious

what is the difference between being bi and pan, does pan include nb people and bi is only limited to male and female...

im sorry if this is rude :(

darling hi! no of course you're not being rude, dont worry at all, asking questions is an important part of figuring out who you are! id even call it brave for you to ask, id certainly never have the courage back when i was figuring myself out, so good job!

essentially, being bi means you are attracted to two or more genders. that could be men, women, nb people etc. thats why the bi flag is 3 colours, pink representing gay attraction (eg not between a man or a woman), blue representing straight attraction and the purple representing the overlap (bisexuality). just because someone is bi, doesnt mean that they arent attracted to nonbinary people, it all depends on the person.

pansexuality on the other hand, has two accepted definitions. one is being attracted to someone regardless of gender, and the other is being attracted to all genders (similar to omnisexual). the pan flag has a pink stripe for those who identify as female, a blue stripe for those who identify as male and a yellow stripe for those who sit between the two. pansexual people (including myself) are attracted to every gender, but not necessarily every person, for instance just because you might like girls, it doesnt mean you will find every girl on the planet attractive.

a point to make here, is that sexuality is very fluid. you might (as i did) identify as bi for a while and then realise pan suits you better, or labels might not be your thing. i like labels cos they give me something to tell people when they ask how i identify, but many people dont use labels partly because of this issue. the human race is so complicated and everything is a spectrum, sometimes you might not fit into any specific box and thats okay.

either way, changing what name you put to how you feel doesnt mean what you feel now or what you felt then is invalid, it just means youve discovered some new terminology. identifying as one thing doesnt mean you cant feel the way you do, for instance what i feel is very similar to what omnisexual people feel, but i like pansexuality as a label better and easier to explain so thats what label i use.

tl;dr: use whatever label you feel comfortable with, and feel free to change it anytime at any stage in ur life without guilt, humans are weird and messed up and beautiful, it doesnt matter what name you give yourself, youre still valid.

hope this helped, and feel free to drop in at anytime if you want something else explained, or if you just want to talk. <3

[flodaya]

[1/3] The recent discussions I’ve seen in the Skam fandom regarding queer rep got me thinking about the idea of quality vs quantity. The general consensus that I’ve seen is that Isak’s season was well-written and important but that other remakes have improved the queer rep because they included more than just cis white guys. But then I started thinking about how for example in Skam Espana, they expanded the diversity to include two bi white

[2/3] girls, a cis gay white boy and a cis boy of color, but the writing for Lucas/Kassim was yikes. With Druck’s old gen, they had trans and bi rep with David and Mia, but both had aspects that weren’t handled well at all. Skam France added a wlw story including a WOC and they introduced a trans character, but I won’t even get started on the writing for all of their queer characters. 😬 Lots of fans of these remakes tout that the rep in each was

[3/3] much better than in Skam, so does that mean that most people have decided that quantity beats quality? (Obviously the ideal would be to have both, but that hasn’t really happened so far except with Druck’s new gen.) Curious what your thoughts are. :)

this is a super interesting discussion, get ready for me to write a lot about this because I have thoughts

as far as queer rep goes the following is my ranking (only talking about remakes that have done a season with a queer main character)

1. druck new gen

2. skam españa

3. druck og

4. skam

5. skam france

6. wtfock but like with a huge gap between skamfr and wtfock lol

I feel like this should be quite self explanatory but I can elaborate a little on each

for me good queer rep needs to have three things: good quality, variety, and authenticity (often best achieved by queer writers and queer actors)

apart from wtfock all remakes have tried to improve skam’s lack of variety which is good

eskam and druck new gen are the best at authenticity (ignoring the whole kassim sl :)

eskam giving isak’s storyline to a girl like it always should have been 10/10

druck new gen has wonderful variety, since it’s save to assume ismail is nb, their canon queer characters represent three different letters of lgbt+ 

they’ve also given their canon queer characters depth, developing them both outside their sexualities but also giving enough focus to their sexualities to make it feel very real

druck og had variety but included harmful tropes with not enough follow up development; making even a trans moc was one of druck’s best decisions but the public outing was one of their worst decisions, and they didn’t properly follow up this plotpoint either; plus mia’s bisexuality was not developed enough, and throwing in a female love interest in the last second didn’t really help, quite the opposite tbh

edit: forgot to add the good about druck og, david being portrayed as a desirable and cool guy and when everyone finds out he is trans that doesn’t change that at all; also he gets to talk about his experience, and the fact that lukas was helping with the script makes it more authentic

skam had one outstanding queer storyline but disregarded and ridiculed wlw which kinda disqualifies them for being in the top three (sincerely a lesbian)

skamfr has variety but due to them valuing style, aesthetic and dramatics over story telling their queer storylines often lack depth and authenticity (main example imo are their queer sex scenes)

they’ve also repeatedly used harmful tropes and stereotypes (bi/pan ppl are cheaters, outing someone; yann leaving lucas after he comes out)

not in the mood to explain everything wrong with wtfock’s queer rep, it’s basically everything, worst of all how they made it so easy to fetishize their mlm couple and how they included harmful tropes without any development

I don’t know if this answers your question, overall I would say quantity is not more important than quality, but a lack of variety and authenticity definitely something that bothers me when it comes to queer representation in media

I want to mention that this is very much just my opinion and super biased; also need to admit that I basically didn’t finish amira n’s season so I don’t know how harmful and bad kassim/lucas storyline is 🙈

[shouta-aizawow]

1) Hope u are ok, i will let you this one here. Bakugou coming out as asexual-aromanitc, and having to explain to everyone what is it. (And if you want angst, people not believing him, that he's not grown enough to know, all that bullshit) Sorry is a little bit of proyection.

I’m doing well, thank you!!! And dw, I project HARDCORE and I also LOVE aroace Katsuki so it’s all good!! (i’m actually gonna project a bit in this one lol)

OKAY!!!

When the other kids were busy talking about crushes and who they were dating, Katsuki was focused on becoming a hero.

He had no time for romance, especially that sappy type he always sees on tv.

No, Katsuki was gonna become the greatest hero, and he would do that alone.

He never thought much of it. It didn’t seem unusual to him that he never had an interest in anyone else, that he couldn’t join in on conversations where the topic was romantic love or sexual attraction.

In fact, he felt smug when all the other extras were held down by girlfriends and boyfriends and datemates while he was forging on ahead. Seeing the confusion and awe on their faces when he told them that he had never been attracted to anyone was enough to erase the slight embarrassment he felt at not being able to relate to them.

Katsuki was invincible, unaffected by the curse that is romantic and sexual attraction, and he needs to let everybody know it.

(A few years later, at the tender age of 13, Katsuki finds he isn’t a superior being, he’s just aroace...

Well... okay then.)

He is aroace and still unaffected by the curse that is romantic and sexual attraction!

He didn’t really have friends to share his epiphany with, and the extras that followed him around were too dense to know what he was talking about to care. Besides, they’d probably just hear that he wasn’t attracted to girls and throw a fit.

Anyway, it’s not like he really wants to share this. No, this information is for Katsuki and Katsuki only.

But when he gets into UA, starts building a, admittedly reluctant at first, relationship with his classmates, the desire to tell them something he’s kept locked away grows.

It all comes to a head one night at the dorms. It’s a rare night of him hanging out in the common room with most of his other classmates.

Katsuki doesn’t know how the conversation steers this way, but the topic is now crushes. Some people are coming out, some people are just observing. Katsuki is becoming bored, and just as he gets up to leave, he’s noticed and asked, “Who do you have a crush on?”

He’s tempted to ignore the question, but surrounded by this open group of people that showed their support whenever someone revealed themself to be gay or bisexual or pan, he has the urge to let them know this part of him as well.

So he replies. “I don’t have one.”

“So who did you have a crush on?”

“Never had one either, Earjacks.”

Everyone becomes interested now.

Jirou looks skeptical, “It’s not weak to have a crush, yknow. If you don’t wanna tell us, fine, but to lie—”

“I ain’t lying, I’m aroace.”

There’s silent confusion, and Katsuki’s heartbeat thunders in his chest.

Someone asks what that is and, huffing, Katsuki tells them, “It means I don’t experience romantic, aro, or sexual, ace, attraction.”

They ignore his muttered “dumbasses” in favor of questioning him with a “You don’t, or you haven’t?”

“I just said I don’t. What are you on about?”

Kaminari then decides to speak up. “Dude, just give it time! You don’t know who you’re gonna meet that’ll knock you right off those stubborn feet of yours.” And he punctuates it with a wink.

Katsuki is getting annoyed.

“Okay, whatever. If that happens, that happens, but right now, it hasn’t. Therefore, I’m choosing the label aroace.”

Momo, with a finger on her chin and a contemplative expression on her face decides to voice, “But aren’t you acting a little hasty, Bakugou-kun? You shouldn’t use such a definitive label when you’re so young.”

Some people are voicing their agreement, and Katsuki feels like screaming, but he’s too busy being frozen in shock, looking at Momo with with the most incredulous look he could muster.

“What the actual fuck? How is me calling myself aroace any more ‘definitive’ than y’all calling yourself gay?” He can’t help the crack in his voice as he continues, “I’m genuinely confused.”

Before they could reply, Katsuki asks his own question with the most deadpan look he could offer:

“Do you ever wanna date a cat?”

There are exclamations of “No” and looks of bewilderment, but Katsuki continues, crossing his arms.

“Well I don’t think you should act so certain. I mean, maybe you haven’t met the right cat, yet.”

They’re telling him that that’s different, shouldn’t be used as an argument.

But then Kirishima perks up, and Katsuki feels dread consume him.

“Love, or don’t love I guess, who you... don’t... love, bro!”

And Katsuki feels hope bloom in his chest.

Only to have it crushed with his best friend’s next words.

“But we’re just trying to help you! We don’t want you to feel like you’re moving too fa—“

“Not only did I not ask for any help, but how is any of this helping me?!” Katsuki throws his arms in the air. “I came out to you guys, something we’ve been doing all evening, and you have the audacity to tell me I’m wrong?!”

He’s pacing now.

“Why the hell are you acting like I’m signing a death wish with my identity! You guys are the biggest fucking hypocrites, holy hell.”

Katsuki shakes his head and storms off, unwilling to be in that toxic situation any longer.

The next few days are met with guilt-ridden eyes from his classmates and the cold shoulder from him.

They don’t try to approach him, and for that, Katsuki is grateful, because he doesn’t know what he’d do if the people that rejected who he is tried to act like they did nothing wrong.

Yeah, maybe they weren’t being malicious, maybe it was just ignorance, but Katsuki is by no means obligated to forgive nor teach them. Until they pull their heads out of their asses and realize there’s a plus after LGBTQ for a reason, he’s perfectly fine with the distance.

OKAY SO TWO ENDINGS

1) The class that was there does their research and apologizes and are forgiven and whatnot (happy ending)

2) The class doesn’t do their research and just assumes that Katsuki doesn’t want to have sex or kiss anyone. They apologize, but the relationship is still tense with their ignorant comments and jokes. Katsuki is still hurt, especially when they start dating each other or other students, and he’s left to be the only one that values a strong friendship over romance. He feels left behind. (Angsty ending)

OR WAIT!!! ANOTHER ENDING!!!

3) The class doesn’t apologize or do their research, because they think Katsuki was making a big deal out of nothing. After those few weeks of the silent treatment, they try to approach him and act like everything is great.

Katsuki is angry and hurt, but eventually he finds comfort and very close friendships with Todoroki, Tokoyami, Shinsou, and Shoji. Not all of them are aroace, but they’re on the spectrum for one or both (bittersweet ending)

IM DONE!!! This honestly didn’t go the way I was thinking it would go, but I ain’t upset so it’s all good.

So ofc I projected with the being annoyed when people act like my sexuality isn’t a real thing (which is lots of ppl online and the classmates I told when they asked)

Also, that part about telling people that you’ve never had a crush and being smug when they’re like :0? Yeah, I used to do that until I was 13 when my older sib was like “yeah, you’re aroace” and I was like :0 “i saw that term in one fanfiction years back but i genuinely didn’t think abt it when i looked up to see what ‘ace’ meant but it fits perfectly”

So anyway, my sib also told me that what I was is Agender (which I knew abt but thought “that’s not me,,, right?” wrong) and I realized when they asked me if they could tell their friend my gender identity. I was confused like sure?? and then they said i was agender and their friend asked for my pronouns and i said i didn’t care

like,, i thought i was nb, but i wasn’t sure exactly what “type”(?) idk, but after that, i looked at the definition for agender that i didn’t understand before and was like :0 yep that’s me

ANYWAY YOU PROBABLY DIDNT WANT ALL OF THAT PERSONAL MUMBO JUMBO BUT THIS HC RELATES TO ME A LOT SO

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS 💖💗💕💞💝

[shayberri789]

Concept: Sexuality Labels are like T-shirts

Let’s say that every sexuality and gender a persons body, and the labels (gay, Bi, lesbian, ace, etc) that explain it are shirts and gender labels (such as trans, genderfluid, nb, etc) are like a set of pants or something.

In our society, people want everyone to wear the exact same shirt and pants. Same pattern, same size, same make, same pattern, same fabric, same everything. One specific t-shirt that makes up The Heterosexual and Heteromantic shirt.

But people are all different. We’re all different sizes and shapes, with different sensitivities, and the standard t-shirt is just Not Right.

Some people realize this, that the Straight Shirt does not fit, it cannot fit, and they cannot be comfortable in it. Some will continue to wear the shirt, because they don’t know of any other, better fitting shirts, or because they’re scared of people’s reactions if they start wearing a different shirt.

Then someone else realized, hey, I can Make a new shirt, one that fits me better??? So they made a new shirt. They changed the shape of it, the fabric and colour and suddenly they have this new shirt that fits them comfortably. Then the next person see it and goes, hang on? You changed your shirt? Mine doesn’t fit either, can I try yours? And so they try this new make of shirt and Holy Shit It Suddenly Feels Right?? So they remake the shirt for themselves and suddenly there’s a small community of the Gay shirt or whatever. Then a bi person goes, the straight shirts shape doesn’t fit, can I try the gay shirt? And the gays go sure! But that shirt doesn’t fit either. So they make their own shirt, with the help of people who know how to get the sizing right, and when the bi person wears it they feel that yes, this fits.

And an Ace person will come along, and the straight shirt is also Wrong. But so is the gay shirt. The bi shirt is a little closer, but that’s because the colour suits the ace, not the shirt.

They go around, trying all the different shirts (questioning yourself and trying labels) and they feel broken because none of the shirts feel right? The closest they came was the Pan shirt, the back of it was soft and fit well but the front was uncomfortable. Then they find the Ace shirt and it suddenly works, it’s more comfortable. So they take the front of the ace shirt and the back of the pan shirt, sew them together and they suddenly have a Pan Ace shirt that fits and they can feel like themselves.

Maybe you have a demisexual ace. They original shirt fits them better than any other shirt they found. They’ve already modified it to fit with their lesbian identity. But it just, it doesn’t feel right. So they edit it slightly, maybe raise the neck line or change the colour of the shirt slightly. It’s still recognizable as the ace shirt, but it’s slightly different to reflect their experiences better. Then other people who share the micro label see it and go, hey that works! And they fit their shirts to their micro labels. It’s still the umbrella shirt, but it’s been slightly altered to fit better.

Let’s say we have an lgbt person, who’s proud of the work they put into making their shirt. But they’ve seen their family or friends openly mock people with other shirts or they’ve hurt people. The lgbt person, for their own safety, might wear the straight shirt around those people and their lgbt shirt in other places. It’s ok not to come out of the closet. Sometimes, just having the shirt is enough, you don’t have to wear it. But it’s comforting to know that it’s there, you have something that fits if you ever want to wear it outside.

And hatred against people for wearing another shirt sure is stupid, huh? You’re hating them for wearing a different shirt?? Why?? They’re still human under it, they’re wearing a shirt that fits them a hell of a lot better than the straight one. The shirt fills the same role, does the same duty, and it makes them feel happier. Why are you hating a person based on the colour of their shirt??

A person wearing a Bi shirt could date a person wearing a Straight shirt. Just because they’re dating, doesn’t mean they have to change their shirts. Just because they’re dating, doesn’t mean that their shirts fit them any less. Just because they’re dating, does not mean that they aren’t straight or bi.

[zunnyzee]

This pride, I've been thingking about a few things that, well, are kind of fucked up.

Like, we as a community were so ready to label ourselves we've got hundreds of identities, and it kind of makes the community harder to navigate for those who are questioning imo (in my opinion). There's even a flag for questioning, like, we're all queer, but we've sectioned ourselves off in such a way it makes me feel uneasy. Our labels are so specific, and I feel like it has impacted those who are clearly part of the community, but question it because they need to feel like the label is just right. Then again, I understand the joy of finding the right way to express yourself through your label, it's something we all share as people, but look at what enviornment it's created at the same time. Bisexuals saying pans are inheritably biphobic, pan folk saying to be bi is to be enby, or trans, phobic, you've got people saying that men can't call themselves lesbians and people saying that you can't be both bi and gay, and then you hear how bi people fight to not be seen as 'basically gay or straight' but actually bi' and then you see all the transmascs that still have a sort of connection to their agab, and we've brewed so much hate within ourselves and we're excluding ourselves and we're invalidating ourselves. We are a diverse community, and with that comes many different beliefs about the way our community actually is. I can see how someone can be insulted about how someone else interprets gender and sexuality, I can. We have people in the community who's identity means everything to them because finding out that they were queer changed their life for the better and they felt like a real person for the first time and their eyes were opened and they were free, and then other people use those same labels as if it were a choice, an aesthetic, and it can come off as almost disrespectful in a way. It'd be like if someone were cis amab and they just go 'you know, I feel so much like a boy that I'm going to id as a transman, going from man to even more of a man because I feel so comfortable in my agab and it feels right' like you could see how a trans-trans man (afab) would feel invalidated, right? There's the whole thing about diversity and not everyone is going to be the same, but we made labels mean something, we took the slurs that the cishet used for us and said that we would actually define ourselves, but a label means nothing because we don't really use it like a label anymore. People are getting away with thinking aces/aros aren't part of the community because we've made our labels exclusive somehow. We've got he/him lesbian controversy, which I am shocked to see from the one group that wasn't supposed to discriminate based on gender identity. We're no better than the cishets sometimes, being completely honest. Some gays think dating someone trans automatically makes you bi, gay, or straight, completely ignoring their identity. And to be fair, all these people are vastly small compared to the overall supporting group, but they add up, they really do. Don't even get me started on sexist queers. We made our own definitions, then we made them so specific that we can't even support some of our peers cuz we don't know what the fuck their flag means. And don't say we support everyone, it doesn't matter because you know people are always inventing ways to ruin this shit, like pedos/maps beastiality, and fucking cops (copgender exists). We're not even ready to talk about Mogai, I swear to you we are not the all accepting group you think we should be, and we don't have to be. As a community, we don't agree on what it means to be in the community, some of us don't accept queer as a label despite its current popularity, we are kind of fucked up and we have to admit that. I think that we are creating way more labels than we need, and we are separating ourselves and we are hurting each other. Some people think 'if you identify as y you have to be z' and that gets some people so mad, but at the same time, think about it, without some unity within smaller communities, what does their label even mean? We are not respecting each others

spaces, and I think it's because we over label. But what can we do now? Take those labels away? Tell them they can't id as queer because they're doing it wrong? We don't have the guts, or the general understanding of definitions to do that. We're just supposed to be 100 percent accepting of everyone, and it just makes me feel weird to think about this because I get that some people have a weird relationship with their queerness, but we also act as if we need to constantly define it. And then we go and define it, and then people redefine it like 4 times over because it's not good enough, which is, there is supposed to be some diversity in every group, every label, for anything involving people, but too much and too little are problems in their own right. Micro micro micro labels make people divided and feel like they are different from the others when they could have been a more united group, and not enough micro labels means that people feel like they are conforming to one group and don't feel the unity because of the overwhelming differences. I don't think we're balanced is all I'm really trying to say out of this, I don't like our community as is, it's confusing, it's harmful, and it's divided, and I don't have a solution, which makes me even sadder. A lot of our issues within the community is thinking we're different from each other, from my experience. I've been nb since I was probably at least 6, and I came out as bi only 4 years ago, I'm only 18 but I've been here a little while, I've gone through many phases and stages, and some things were just so unnecessary. Too many times I doubted myself because I saw someone else expressing my identity in a way I couldn't relate to at all, made myself question if I was just cis and faking, and it really could have been avoided, I could have had more confidence if my community just had my back. But it doesn't. And so I have to be queer on my own, I have to keep myself to myself because I can't exist in my own community without my identity being questioned by others. We are not the all accepting group we want to be, but we could be if we agreed on literally anything. But we can't cuz we're too busy accepting every idea of queerness, regardless of anything. Anyways, this is just what I was thingking, I probably didn't word everything exactly as I worded it but I just had to get it out my mind and I'm too lazy too proofread, and plus proofreading might cause me to sugarcoat this even further so. This is my stop, I guess.

[theflannelwizard]

are you still doing those TAWOG headcanon ask things? may i have some about, hmm, juke, perhaps? (i'm thirsty for juke content p lease)

oh if this is who i think it is i’ve seen your blog and i’ve been hoping you would send this!!! juke truly is an excellent lad :)

gender- it may be starting to look like i think everyone is nonbinary. it’s not my fault you keep giving me nb characters. juke is transmasc and nonbinary!

sexuality- hmmmm...... my instinct is to say juke is Not Straight but idk if he’s gay or bi/pan. the only ppl i’ve seen him shipped with are teri and bobert, and since both of those are valid and interesting ships, i’m gonna go for bi.

OTP- juke and teri! teri is patient with juke when he has trouble expressing himself to her, and juke is patient with teri when she gets overwhelmed or anxious. i like to headcanon juke as a pretty decent artist, and maybe he would draw outfits for teri that she could recreate when she got dressed the next day! juke is pretty old-school when it comes to romance, and he likes to do things like bring her flowers if they go on a date, but if the flowers have thorns they can snag and tear teri’s arms or hands, so he’s always careful to bring her daisies or other harmless flowers. he makes her mixtapes and she choreographs little dances to them for fun. and once teri finds juke’s music to voice switch, the conversations they have are really deep and personal. sometimes juke will jokingly erase teri’s mouth or teri will jokingly switch juke off of his voice setting, but they would never do that to each other out of spite, just in fun when they playfully argue/debate, and they always make sure not to strand each other without a voice. neither of them is especially tough, but they’re both bffs with bobert, who makes sure they don’t get picked on or pushed around.

BroTP- bobert!!!! juke and bobert bond over being seen as more machine than human, and they open up to each other about their experiences navigating the world as part machine and part real person with feelings. juke stands up for bobert if people try to take advantage of his poor social skills, and bobert defends juke if things get physical. bobert also acts as a wingman, albeit a very straightforward one- “teri, would you like to go on a romantic outing with juke? he is hiding over there and hopes you will say yes.” juke makes mixtapes for bobert, too, and bobert often remixes them or makes mashups of the songs.

NoTP- i don’t think anyone actually ships this, but gumball. juke could maybe eventually become friends with gumball, but he wasn’t treated very well by him in his one episode, and i don’t see that working out even if they tried.

A fun dynamic they would have- i’m gonna take this opportunity to talk about the power trio that is juke, teri, and bobert all together. bobert never minds third wheeling, he’s just glad to be part of the squad. juke is obviously the most musical of the three, but with his musical inclination, teri’s affinity for dance and jpop/kpop, and bobert’s mixing skills, i like to think they form a little band. teri is their singer and the (adorable) face of the group, bobert mixes a backing track ahead of time, and juke plays the track and writes all the music. they’re pretty underground and it’s just for fun, but they really enjoy it! also, teri tries to convince her friends to join cheer squad, but they both prefer to stay on the sidelines supporting her. the fact that nobody was able to find juke’s switch implies to me that he’s a pretty lonely guy, and he probably doesn’t live with his parents, so what if he lives with bobert? teri visits the two of them all the time, and when juke wants to spend time with her alone, he picks her up or goes to her place. bobert is like a brother to juke and a best friend to teri, and he will physically fight anyone who hurts or bullies them. luckily this doesn’t happen much, especially once people figure out the consequences. i also think juke and ocho could be friends! ocho can be a little intense and impatient, and juke is more the fun but sensitive type, so when they hang out it’s usually at an arcade or playing tag team video games with ocho on offense and juke following his lead. juke has met all of ocho’s uncles and honestly isn’t too impressed, which makes their friendship easy and ocho more comfortable and trusting around juke.

Any other fun headcanons or things i wanted to elaborate on- the second i saw juke i fell in love with his design!!! he’s so cute and it’s obvious his intentions are always good. it also seems that he grew up pretty lonely because of the language barrier, so he never forgets to treasure his friends and girlfriend. he’s special because i don’t think loneliness turned him bitter, just a little shy and sometimes self conscious. but once he finds his people, he really opens up and gives everything he can to them, in terms of affection and fun little surprises like mixtapes, surprise parties on special occasions, and other homebrew gifts.