#when you know inherently that they’re out there getting through their lives just the same as you

[napping-sapphic]

hmmm but that moment when you’re lonely when you suddenly remember there’s hundreds of other lonely people in this world and suddenly it feels just a little easier to breathe

[vaguely-concerned]

it probably says something either sad or deeply unfortunate about me as a person, but I'm darkly amused to see some people react to the reveal of the ultimate permeability of souls in tlt as a triumphant thing -- the "you can't take 'loved' away!!!" side of it all -- when my first reaction was such an immediate wave of 'oh, oh so this is why this series is horror, I truly understand now' distress haha. ngl the final confirmation of the self not being inviolable in the deepest way freaks me the fuck out far more than any moment of body horror in the series has managed. (these two elements are of course the two sides of one thematic coin; it's about the horror of our bodies and minds and selves not being inviolable things, and about the effect of violence on them on so many different levels. violence psychological and interpersonal, physical, subtextually sexual, emotional, medical, political, a whole unlovely smörgåsbord of indignity and violation a person can be exposed to, and on a broader scale the spectrum of violence colonialism wields). The world and other people being capable of leaving indelible marks on us for good or ill through their presence in our lives is of course a pretty self-evident demonstrable truth in the real world, but somehow having it be proven metaphysically just uh. Fucks me up! 

It also drives home to me just how perfectly Muir has captured the dilemma at the heart of human connection and intimacy: the fact that the thing that gives us life and meaning is also capable of harming us so deeply. the same thing that can be so beautiful — even in a bittersweet, violently transformative form like with the creation of Paul — when done mutually and consensually and compassionately, is the same process that means someone like John can touch someone else's soul and 'after he's put his fingers on something, you'll never find anyone else's fingerprints on it; too much noise'. I think the text itself — the whole series, because to me this is what it is ultimately about, this tension between individuation/self vs. love/connection/enmeshment — is far more ambivalent in its treatment of it than saying it’s inherently a good thing or inherently a bad thing. The only thing it says for sure is that it is always a thing, that thinking you’re ever getting away from it is the height of futility, and that through being alive (or even through being dead lol) it is something you have to engage with in some way no matter what. Contact with other people is deeply necessary — without it we sicken and die. it can be the most beautiful and meaningful thing in a human life, and the most unspeakably horrific. All of these people are searching for some way to be whole, whether in total self-contained sufficiency on their own or in melding with someone else as their ‘other half’, and stumbling around in the dark they reach for each other and score deep wounds into the thing they’re trying to touch even when they don’t mean to. Taken to horrific extremes with the form of lyctorhood John guided his disciples to when they were ‘children — playing in the reflections of stars in a pool of water, thinking it was space’, because while people hurt each other all the time with differing levels of intentionality behind it, what John did was deliberate. It weaponizes the misapprehension of what closeness must be and destroys everyone involved in the process… and all because it leaves John the one sun their ruined lives have left to orbit around, because that’s the closest thing his soul will allow to connection. He doesn’t understand that to truly touch something you have to truly let it touch you back, and then wonders why he’s never satisfied.   

‘The horrors of love’ has been memed to death, I know, but… yeah. That is what it is, isn’t it.

[becauseimanicequeen]

My Semi-Coherent Thoughts About Let Free the Curse of Taekwondo So Far (ep. 1-6)

This is a response to some asks I got after this week's ep. 5 and 6, and some additional thoughts from me. I'll mostly throw some random points out there because I've been living in right-brain-land for most of this week (or weeks? What's time anyway, eh?), so being coherent seems like too much of a challenge right now, lol. But this post needs to be written so I can stop thinking about it and focus on something else.

Let's start with two Anons who dropped into my inbox with comments of the same context: that Dohoi was an asshole and that I wouldn't be able to defend him anymore...

Clearly, Anons, you seemed to have completely missed the point of my previous posts where I said I was neutral (I still am) and refused to go into a discussion about taking sides because that's not where the interesting bits are (not for me, anyway).

I'm on both their sides and on no one's side.

Juyeong and Dohoi have both made mistakes:

Juyeong lied about Dohoi's dad abusing him

Dohoi pretended to not know about it

Juyeong chose to stand up to Dohoi's dad even though he knew that man was a violent piece of shit

Dohoi called the police, afraid he wouldn't be able to focus on his exam, but he couldn't focus anyway

None of them communicated any of this to the other in the past

Etc.

To say that Dohoi is the asshole while Juyeong is an angel is completely ignoring an important point: nothing is ever black or white. (Yes, this is just fiction, but it's a realistic piece of fiction that shows this very point.)

Also, to think that only one of them has/does suffer is a very one-sided way of looking at it. To be fair, it's easy to fall into that trap since we're getting a lot of Juyeong's pov at the moment while Dohoi's story is still kept in the dark.

But imagine how much of a self-sabotager you are for choosing to push away people who love you because you inherently believe that you will never be good enough or will never be worthy of love. Dohoi has been in so much pain for such a long time it's familiar to him. It takes years, decades, maybe even a whole lifetime to climb out of a hole like that. And he might've been able to do that on his own if Juyeong hadn't shown up at the funeral and reminded him of all the things from the past once again.

One of the Anons then proceeded to list all the ways Juyeong was abandoned and that Dohoi did the exact same thing to him, which made Dohoi even more of an asshole...

I can't help but wonder if we've seen the same show.

Because Dohoi was abandoned too.

They’re both dealing with abandonment issues.

None of them had present parent growing up

Juyeong was adopted, which will always be a wound for him (and being adopted by those kinds of parents didn’t make it any better)

I can’t quite remember if they mentioned that Dohoi’s mom died or left but, either way, both can lead to abandonment issues (especially when a child is forced to go through it)

Then we have Hyeonho who turned from Dohoi's friend to his bully (again, Dohoi was abandoned)

When shit went down in the past, Juyeong left with his parents, and while that was a valid reason, it was yet another person who left Dohoi (which, to be fair, made Dohoi indirectly responsible since he called the police)

And then Juyeong was abandoned by Dohoi who went radio silent for years

They are both dealing with abandonment issues. Just because the show, at this point, is mostly focusing on the effects of Dohoi abandoning Juyeong doesn’t mean Dohoi wasn’t abandoned as well. Because he was. It’s mentioned and shown in subtle ways throughout the show.

Being abandoned can be a huge trauma for a person (especially for kids who don't have the tools to deal with important people leaving or dying). And we all have different trauma responses, which I think is another interesting point of this show:

Juyeong’s trauma response is to fight (he did so when he stood up for Dohoi against the bullies in the past, when he chose to stand up against Dohoi’s dad, but also when he physically punched a teacher)

Dohoi’s trauma response is flight (he tried to ignore that Juyeong was abused by his dad, he never put up a fight even when he was beaten by the bullies, he left after he threatened his dad with a knife, etc.)

None of those is a "better"/"worse" response

These characters are both traumatized for fuck's sake

And, the thing is, we've seen time and time again that the last thing Dohoi wants is to fight. He reacts even to the mere mention of it.

Juyeong fighting (even though it's never physical with Dohoi) won’t give him the results he wants from Dohoi.

And Juyeong, who was abandoned by his birth parents, adopted by a couple who didn't seem to want him anyway, and might think that no one ever fought for him, will always be hurt by Dohoi avoiding things.

They are each other's opposites even though they're dealing with a similar type of trauma.

And they won’t be able to be happy with each other (or with themselves, which is, honestly, more important) until they deal with their own trauma.

(Also, I don’t know about you, but Hwang Daseul choosing to use these contrasting trauma responses for these boys is fucking genius to me because there's so much potential for angst, which we've gotten a whole 3-course meal of. I'm well fed at this table and I won't be leaving any time soon, lol.)

One of the Anons also briefly mentioned Dohoi's old home and how he should just sell it to Juyeong because it was the only place where Juyeong was happy, and I...

*Sigh*

I'll have to admit that this was the first time in the show that my neutrality was tested because... If you can watch the following scene without feeling empathy for Dohoi, you're (no judgment) colder than me (a certified ice queen):

Imagine going back to the place where you were abused all those years. Dohoi took one look at the place, and his past traumas and emotions about what happened came pouring back. I'm not surprised he wants to sell it. Hell, if I was him, I'd want to decimate the place. But, instead, he has to deal with Juyeong wanting to buy it even though Juyeong knows what went down in that house.

If Juyeong wants to keep it "as is" to make sure Dohoi doesn't regret selling the place, Juyeong is delulu. If he wants to buy it and build something new, that's different. But we don't know what he wants yet. We don't really know why he's so intent on buying the place (other than not wanting Dohoi to regret it).

Either way, that whole situation made me feel a bit weird about Juyeong. Buying the place where the person you loved experienced trauma? What the actual fuck? And I'm not surprised that Dohoi is feeling some kind of way about it (and if he still thinks it's because Juyeong feels some kind of loyalty or guilt towards his dad, that's so fucking sad).

I do think the place is important to the rest of the story, though. It's the place where theirs began. It's the place where they loved and lost and were abused. It's the place that contains the events they both need to reconcile and deal with before moving on.

Which leads me to my speculations of where this might be going in the last two episodes. Because I think Juyeong will take Dohoi to his old home. Especially since the search history on the GPS in the car he rented included it.

That place will always be an open wound for them until they deal with the past, so Dohoi can stop running from it and Juyeong can stop living in it.

It was also the place where Dohoi's walls crumbled for the first time since the time jump, so Juyeong might think that's the best place to deal with the shit once and for all.

Walden Law Firm was also in the GPS search history, which is where Hyeonho works. My guess is that Juyeong has already gone to see Hyeonho when he meets up with Dohoi at the end of the 6th episode. Whatever might've gone down in that meeting (Juyeong saying Dohoi broke it off again, Juyeong demanding to know what happened with Dohoi during the past 12 years, Hyeonho spilling the beans, or whatever), it might be the reason why Hyeonho called Dohoi to say they needed to talk.

Then there's the biggest question of all the questions I have, which is about what happened to Dohoi during those 12 years. If Dohoi didn't graduate (at least not as an architect), how did he gain everything he now has?

In regards to college, I don't think it was anything more dramatic than him not managing to have the right results on the entrance exam. Math is an essential part of architecture, and we've already seen that math wasn't Dohoi's forte.

About his apparent wealth, though. As I mentioned before, I can't remember if they mentioned whether Dohoi's mom died or left. But, if she left, there might've been some inheritance if she eventually died, which could also be how he and Hyeonho met (since these things, more often than not, require lawyers).

If that's true, feeling that his wealth was "unearned" might be a reason he lied about the floorplans to that house. (Btw, I can't believe Juyeong didn't call Dohoi's bluff because I would've called him out on his bullshit so fucking fast, lol.)

I think it's also a part of his facade to pretend that he was okay all those years even though he was suffering (which I'm sure we'll see more of in the coming episodes).

But I also feel like there's something more. More to the reason he didn't study architecture and more to how he gained his wealth. And definitely more to what was going on between Dohoi and Hyeonho and how involved Hyeonho has been the past 12 years.

There's still so much of Dohoi's story to be revealed, and I can't wait to see it all unfold.

[ewingstan]

I certainly didn’t appreciate it on the first read-through, but one of the biggest background characterizations of Alec is among first things we learned about him: that he painted the Undersider’s symbols onto the doors of their hideout.

The loft reads as almost ridiculous when you first read about it. Whatever you’re expecting the hideout of a bunch of hardened criminals to look like, your not expecting “the rich kid’s house with all the best video games.” It almost took me out of it; it felt like such a teen wish fulfillment of a supervillain base that I thought Wildbow must be pretty young—and didn’t really take in what it was telling the reader about the Undersider’s mindset. Because it is a teen wish fulfillment, filtered through the practicality of what cost, secrecy, and Brian would allow for. Its the derelict old building you dare your friends to go into to find some rumored amazing or horrible secret—but this building does have a secret, and its a pizza party with a sweet flatscreen setup.

For the most part, it is an especially cool hangout spot that would appeal to your average teen—and not necessarily your average villain. Taylor gets told to use the other’s civilian names while hanging out here. They wear street clothes instead of their costumes. Its built to be appealing to the non-cape side of your life, a welcome reprieve from that world. For the Undersiders who don’t have much of a real life outside of capedom, its something like a place to play make-believe. That’s part of why its so effective as an initial pitch to Taylor when she’s looking for friends and doesn’t want to be a villain, why its important for ingratiating her to the rest of them and making her backstabbing plan that much harder to follow through on. Its part of why getting her own lair, built for the specifications of Skitter the Warlord instead of Taylor the kid, represents such a big change in how Taylor sees herself and her goals. Its why there’s presumably dozens of Undersider fics of them just casually hanging out in the loft, away from any major cape shenanigans. Its why Rachel's first full appearance is her coming up into the room and breaking the bubble—ruining Brian’s pitch of sweet teen digs by bringing the violence inherent to cape life into the supposedly separate space. Because the loft is supposed to be for the Undersiders to be themselves as civilians, instead of capes.

But at the same time, everyone’s personal room has their symbol painted on their door. And the first real thing we learn about Regent is that he’s the one who painted them.

Regent did not get to have a double life. His cape stuff and his family stuff were inherently intertwined, and it was all bad. He’s arguably the only undersider to have a secret identity in a traditional, important sense: not just “you have a civilian life, and everyone’s gonna respect that its separate and not go after anything related to it,” like @artbyblastweave​ outlined here, but “your specific other identity is important, in a sense outside of just being something to target” way. People finding out who Skitter is means they know there’s an identity there to exploit—her enemies can trace her to her school, she can’t continue to go back to her old house, etc. You’d be able to get the same advantage by finding out the civilian identity of pretty much any cape. But not with Alec. People finding out who Alec is means they go “oh fuck, its Heartbreaker’s kid—” the effect is much more like finding out Taylor is Skitter, rather than vice versa.

And that’s important, because the persona of Regent is, to a large extent, his chance to live out the life he wants. Brian and Lisa both have circumstances that don’t allow them a typical childhood, and so they construct spaces to go through the motions of one. To roughhouse and play video games with friends, to plan shopping trips and visits to Fugly Bobs. They’re looking for a respite from their normal state, and that respite to them looks like civilian life. Alec is looking for a respite from his awful childhood, and that respite has a lot of the same things, but it also has the symbols and aspects of his cape persona. He draws his crown on his door, he uses his powers casually on Brian—he’s using the space to let him be Regent, in the same way Brian is pitching it to Skitter as a place where she can just be Taylor, where Tattletale can just be Lisa. This is pretty huge for understanding Regent early-on: Taylor obviously has a pretty expansive double life, as does Brian, and Lisa clearly wants to get into some non-cape-related shenanigans. We’re introduced with a clear divide between cape and civilian identities being the norm. Rachel is presented as bucking a trend, her lack of second identity making her an outlier. But if you read into Regent’s decorating choices, you realize pretty early that you can’t separate his cape identity and his current civilian idenitiy, because their both effectively the same thing: a persona where he can be something other than a Vasil.

Sheesh, now that I’m thinking about it there’s a lot to be drawn from each of the undersider’s lairs. I already talked a bit about how Skitter having her new base be a proper “villain lair” instead of “hang spot” represented a shift in perspective, and how Rachel being unable to behave the way your “supposed” to in the loft shows that she both can’t live a double life and has no interest in doing so (unlike Alec, who is very clearly interested in making a “new” life for himself with the Undersiders as Regent). But how about how Brian won’t take a room in the loft and insists on sleeping in a separate apartment he’s planning on shairing with Aisha? He obviously wants to be able to draw an especially clear line between his cape and civilian life, and doesn’t want Aisha to get involved at all. How about how Lisa’s eventual separate Coil-provided villain lair is a disguised community center she was pretending to work in, showing both that she has some interest in a life outside of capedom and that she’s inherently drawn to working with/having control over civilian culture? She doesn’t just want to hold territory, she wants to be an institution—not just someone the other capes have to play ball with, but who the mayor and civilian agencies have to go through. She separates capedom and civilianhood to an extent, but not to the same extent as Brian, and her goals are much more “civilian-oriented” than most.

I forget the specifics of Alec’s eventual Coil-base, but I know that it was a group of buildings (a campus, maybe?) with few people in the surrounding area outside of puppets—presumably not so different from the compound he grew up. But I do remember that one of the last times we see it is near when Taylor says something about his connection to Heartbreaker, and him getting upset by it. I wonder if it changes in the intervening two years, especially with Imp’s influence. I’m kinda sad we never get a chance to see it.

[magpod-confessions]

i am getting so tired of the Jon-asexuality discourse like just LET PEOPLE LIVE

LET PEOPLE DO WHAT THEY WANT

I’m ace, i get off, i make sex jokes, I don’t want to have sec with an actual human being, but I’ll read slash fics, I get horny for fictional men, I joke that I want to fuck them, I don’t, but I might be a smutfic of these characters when I feel like it, none of this makes me any less asexual.

saying all ace people are virgins and have never and will never have sex and have no libido and are “uwu liddle babees” who are oblivious is just factually incorrect.

some ace people don’t have sex.

some do.

Jon’s asexuality is left vague for a REASON.

we hear about through gossip, from someone who 1) hates Jon 2) heard it from his EX. That’s not the most reliable source. I hate to break it to you, but it’s not. It’s second hand information that is, AGAIN, left vague. So that the viewer may interpret it however they like.

someone interpreting Jon as sex-favorable is fine. It’s a headcanon. We don’t ACTUALLY know bc there’s no sex scene or lack of sex scene. Because it doesn’t matter whether or not he has sex! It adds nothing to the overall story, but if you want to write smut with Jon, that’s fine!

Stop getting so uncomfortable, it’s a fictional character and these fics are hurting no one. Stop “calling people out” just because they’re writing something you don’t like. It’s like saying someone who writes detective novels is a cop or condones murder.

and most of the fics I’ve seen are by ace people who are projecting their own sexuality onto Jon, maybe even figuring out their asexuality through him. I realized a lot of my asexuality by reading some of these fics!

hell, even if you don’t like Jon having sex or feeling attraction to people, there’s fics where he ISNT attracted but will still have sex bc guess what! Even allo people have sex with people they aren’t attracted to! Bc they want to! Bc some people like having sex with others!

no ond is trying to erase Jon’s asexuality. You’re just mad because not everyone has the same headcanon as you. And guess what? You can block tags, block creators, you can block people on ao3, you can filter out smut on ao3, all of this is easily avoidable if you just curate your own expirience.

people are gonna write smut of any and every ace character. It’s not inherently acephobic to do so. Especially not when someone who is acespec is just projecting onto a fictional character who’s sexuality was left vague for that reason.

if you disagree, fine. You can always just look the other way.

🗣️

God. Agree these are my exact opinions on it LMAO. Idgaf how someone portrays jons asexuality and frankly the whole 'HES ACE HE HASNT HEARD OF SEX EVER' is just. Uncomfortable and aphobic to me as an ace person LMAO - rosette

YEAH . agreed ! as an ace person as well it isss . a spectrum guys . somebody making the canon ace character have sex isn't going to kill you . i can obviously understand if you're uncomfortable with it due to being ace yourself but non-ace people shouldn't be trying to dictate how other people headcanon a characters asexuality to be . - deceit

[maespri]

oh my i never really saw myself making a post like this, but i really wanna talk about morgana! more specifically… why i don’t really understand the hate he receives.

for starters, i know a lot of people dislike mona because he gets on ryuji’s case often. his squabbling with ryuji can get hurtful at times too, i know, but i feel like so many people conveniently leave out the fact that… ryuji returns fire? it’s not as though mona is constantly attacking poor ryuji who can’t defend himself; it’s a two-sided fight throughout most of the game. both of them are constantly fueling the fire. not to mention, it’s a fight that eventually ends. both individuals have great character development (i could talk about it for /ages/, but i digress) that ends with their fighting essentially ceasing entirely. they’re both dumb teenage boys, they both said dumb stuff to each other, and they both hurt each other, and all of that is recognized and left in the past.

the hatred toward mona in general is something i struggle to understand entirely. you hate this cat because he tells you to go to bed? the game would have told you to do that one way or another, because it’s a game. there have to be constraints, or you’d get terribly overpowered incredibly fast. i wholeheartedly agree that mona’s lacking in comparison to the other characters in many ways- but i’ve never hated him, and was surprised to see a lot of people did.

maybe i’m just weirdly empathetic toward fictional characters, but i really liked his storyline. mona’s been with the protagonist since day one, helping him out, staying with him, encouraging and supporting him in everything he does, navigating them through mementos and palaces and battles… and he’s never really appreciated for any of it. obviously, the other phantom thieves do the same and don’t require any extra praise, but morgana already has a complex stemming from the fact that he’s not human. inherently, he believes he’s not nearly as good as any of the others, and subsequently, that he isn’t good enough in general- and he’s so ashamed of that that he can’t even voice the concern to the protagonist pre-okumura’s palace. it made sense to me when he snapped and ran away; if you were constantly the black sheep of a group, unable to engage with anyone unless the guy you live with is always there as well, wouldn’t you yearn for autonomy too? (don’t even get me started on the haru parallels there; there’s a reason morgana snapped during the okumura arc.) if you felt expendable and there wasn’t ever an effort made to prove otherwise, purposeful or not, wouldn’t you also want to leave? to spare both yourself, and the people you’re leaving? i really liked his arc because it led to two realizations- that he was pivotal to the group, and it was fine if he ended up not being a human. (and honestly, he was pivotal to my group… who else would i use to heal everyone outside of battle…!)

anyway, his objectification of women was weird. didn’t like that. but this is a JRPG, and he’s not the only one who does strange things like that at times (why was ryuji looking at ann’s chest in the mona bus outside futaba’s palace man…). honestly, his flirting was also weird at times, but as long as it never got strangely sexual, i didn’t really mind? it’s not like it ever genuinely bothers ann either as far as i remember. it’s more just a stupid thing he does.

anyway… i dunno. i like the kitty. he’s silly, he kept me company, and he made my playthrough fun. life is so much more beautiful when you carry love in your heart rather than resentment

[kharsagii]

This weekend I sifted through hundreds of screenshots for the OJ fandom bullying report. Made a ton of progress on it, and I hope to release it soon, so that everyone can see the evidence I discuss here! 🫂❤️

One thing I noticed was that a common theme of how fandom bullies justify their hate/cyberbullying is claiming the Throzzy ship, the way I and other contemporary artists draw it (or inherently), is “unhealthy.”

This is fucked up for 2 reasons:

1- This ship isn’t canon. Thus EVERYTHING about the ship is determined by the artists. No 2 artists are the same, thus no 2 depictions of the ship are the same. There is no common “throzzy” ship- everyone has a unique take on it. Without even bothering to read/investigate the source material of each artist’s unique depiction of the ship, the bullies just flat out lie about the content, and project onto the entire ship ideas they got from creators from 10+ years ago that aren’t even active. You’ll see so many of them have “Throzzy DNI” in their bios as if we’re some kind of cohesive political party or some shit LMFAO.

2- Telling women and queers what’s “healthy” for them is wrong and controlling. So many of us are fighting against misogyny/queerphobia in our irl relationships that’s been normalized as “healthy.” Nobody else can tell you what’s healthy- only YOU can decide that.

How I depict Throzzy is literally what I WANT in a relationship- loving your partner for the ways they’re different, healing eachother from trauma, and having loads of nasty kinky sex.

NOBODY can know what’s healthy for you in a relationship more than you do. We’re adults, we decide it for ourselves. And it is ESPECIALLY ridiculous when it’s a fictional ship of two microbes LMFAO.

There is NO one right way to love someone- and anyone that claims YOUR ship is unhealthy needs to stop telling other adults what they should desire and how they should live their lives. Doing so is simply the newest way men/misogynists exert heteronormative forms of control over women and queers.

Queer minorities who enjoy kinks exist. Consensual and healthy age gap relationships between adults exist. Kink shaming + hating on diverse REAL relationships we project onto fictional ones, just because they don’t fit your narrow minded view of what YOU want, is frankly bullshit + sexist.

Women and queers don’t need you to tell us what WE want is wrong. We’ve taken that bullshit from men all our lives. We decide for OURSELVES.

You have a problem with it? That’s fine. Just shut the fuck up and focus on your own relationship, or lack thereof, instead of calling us groomers/pedos/racists/whatever label suits your fancy (or falsified screenshots) because you’re mad that we’re fucking confident, happy, and FLOURISHING doing something you don’t like.

And to my fellow Throzzy artists, NSFW artists, or frankly any artist from any ship that antis get a hardon from targeting- KEEP DOING YOUR THING! This fandom belongs to YOU just as much as anyone else. Your artwork belongs to YOU. Your blog, page, profile is YOURS and no one else’s.

Making art is the greatest form of self love- and no one else can tell you how to love yourself. KEEP MAKING ART!!! ❤️❤️❤️

[idontwantthisbull]

Here’s the thing about Linkin Park that these so called fans are taking for granted.

There was a genuine, honest to god possibility that they would never make music together again. Some fans hoped and prayed that they would return in some, or any capacity. Some vowed to respect their decision if they chose to not continue. Some were probably ready to take to the internet and rage no matter what choice they made. But at the end of the day I think we all deep down wanted them to continue.

And somehow, against all odds, they came back! They’re going on tour and have an album that will be out in less than three weeks! Mike, Brad, Dave, and Joe have not stopped smiling since the surprise livestream and they all look happier than they’ve appeared in years! And they found a lead singer who not only vibes with them incredibly well, but somehow sounds like and not like Chester in the best ways possible!

And yet that’s unacceptable to some of you? I just don’t get it! Months ago fans hoped and prayed for a day like this to come and yet it feels like every corner of the internet I go I’m met with “this doesn’t sound like Linkin Park” “how dare they hire Emily” “they’re erasing Chester” “they should’ve kept doing Hybrid Theory”

Shut up just shut up. Holy crap talk about looking a gift horse in the damn mouth.

Let’s break a few things down. First and foremost, the Emily thing. We have the word of one person that she may still be in the cult. A cult that any Dead Sara fan can tell you, she has done what she can to speak out against it through her lyrics in terms of anti religion, pro mental health, and other topics that the cult is against. A cult that she was born into and had no choice. Yes, the cult is bad and abuses kids, and is responsible for other heinous crimes. But it’s the cult that is evil, not the people who have no damn choice like Emily. Would any of you say the Jewish people are inherently evil for the crimes that Israel is committing? What about the Catholics, are those born into it evil for the abuse their priests commit against children that the Pope continues to allow to go unpunished? No, because the people and the “religion” are two completely different things. I bet not a single one of you Emily haters has even given a damn THOUGHT of what Emily might have gone through. She is an out and proud lesbian, and you IMAGINE what they did to her when she came out? You try and expose the abuse the cult commits against its members, not once thinking Emily has gone through that same abuse. Anyone who knows about the cult knows that while you can leave, if you speak out against it, they will not only cut your friends and family still in the cult out of your life, the cult will then proceed to make your life a living hell. Why in the world would Emily risk not only her life, but the lives of those closest to her? I certainly do not blame this choice in the slightest. She is a human being whose only crime is she isn’t Chester.

Shame on all of you.

Second, let’s talk about Chester. I miss him, god I miss him every damn day. Mike misses him. Brad, Joe, Dave, Rob, all of them miss him. Talinda, Sam, and Elka misses him. Draven, Isaiah, Tyler, Jaime, Lily, and Lila all fucking miss him. Did you know he has been gone now more than half of Lily and Lila’s life now? No one can ever truly replace him, everyone around Linkin Park knows this, nor do they want anyone to replace him. Emily is not here to replace him, she is simply here to begin a new phase of the band. Chester will never be replaced and never be forgotten, that is why Mike said during the livestream “and in the place of Chester Bennington is all of you”.

But Jaime is not well. What he is doing is attempting to divide us as he struggles to cope with the unthinkable. It is very clear that he is still not over his father being gone and he is lashing out against anyone for the crime of simply moving on with their lives. I’m not saying he needs to move on right now or that you need to move on now. But it has to happen, you can’t simply refuse to change and choose to stay stagnant, it’s not healthy. My own grandmother lost her beloved husband of over sixty years back in 2018 and she has still not fully moved on. No one is forcing her, but she knows at some point the day will come she packs up the last of his clothing and either donates it or places it in a closet. But that day is not today, but it will come one day. Jaime is clearly using unhealthy coping mechanisms and is willing to drag anyone down with him, damn the consequences. Please know that if you believe Jaime, know that the rest of the Linkin Park community has been helpless as we have watched his decline over the past few years. I have seen him go from defending against the conspiracies to him spouting them. His own mother Elka has had to cut him out of her life because of how much damage he was doing to her mental health. Mike and Talinda have restraining orders against him. His own siblings don’t talk to him anymore. He needs to heal and get help. And as for Chester’s mother? Don’t forget she was fine with letting him live in his car as an addicted teenager. He was barely in contact with her as an adult. When his parents divorced he initially lived with his dad, an extremely unusual choice for the time especially considering his dad is a detective. Linkin Park did not need her permission to move on and why would they? Legally speaking, she would have no decision making rights, those would go to Talinda. You know, the woman he said was his soulmate? The woman he was head over heels in love with? The woman who, when asked “what do you look for in a woman” his response was “Um I look to see if the woman is Talinda and if I don’t see her I keep looking!” “Oh but Talinda remarried!” Yeah, and they divorced. Grief will do different things to different people. My parents have discussed “what to do if I go first” in terms of moving on romantically especially considering my mother struggles with depression. It is very likely that Chester and Talinda had a similar discussion, after all, that’s what married couples do. So don’t you dare hold it against her for wanting to move on with her life.

Finally, the music thing. Jesus Christ the music thing. Every damn album since Minutes to Midnight there are people who come out of the woodwork moaning and groaning, “when will they do Hybrid Theory 2?” “They sold out!” “I want the old Linkin Park sound!” They GAVE you a Hybrid Theory 2 it’s called Meteora. They GAVE you a hard rock album, it’s called The Hunting Party. They GAVE you their Dark Side of the Moon, it’s called A Thousand Suns. They are artists. Making the same thing over and over again is mind numbing and the killer of creativity. They started this band to experiment and make music that was different. And that’s what they do with each and every album. And quite frankly, if you don’t like it, don’t listen to it, have fun listening to Hybrid Theory on repeat, let me know how that goes for you, I imagine it’s a lot like turning on the radio in December, fun at first, but after hearing Jingle Bells for the fiftieth time you’re ready to pull your hair out.

Like it or not, Chester is no longer with us. And it would absolutely gut him to see the fans he loved so much, the fans he would brag about “having the best damn fans in the world” being so divided, especially because of him. If nothing else, you owe it to him to give Linkin Park the benefit of the doubt. If you all loved him like you claim to, at least give it a shot for him.

[radioactivewisdom]

The "If all life is suffering, why do [people following any philosophy interpreted as "pessimistic"] not kill themselves?" has been an argument for I don't know how many centuries now, including against philosophies like existentialism and absurdism. It is a favorite of people who really enjoy misinterpreting everything that does not propose life as 100% Massive Supreme Beautiful Sacred Gift By God and fails miserably to even understand what "natalism" means. "Anti-natalism" means "against giving birth". It 1. says nothing about being "against" people living at this very moment and 2. it is more a descriptor than a firm philosophy, considering often each anti-natalist has a reason to be anti-natalist, sometimes grounded in actual branches of philosophy, sometimes in spirituality, and yes, sometimes in extreme pessimism. I am anti-natalist because I approach this issue in the basic utilitarian tenent of "bring the most happiness [as opposed to pain]": I think most people are not fit to be parents and the state of the world is ever decaying (wars, climatic disasters, ever-growing cost of living, etc). A child not being born would not suffer because she cannot suffer; but I don't know what could happen if she was born. Human beings living in this present moment are sentient beings which can feel pain and fear death, though. Also the outcome of the statement "life is all suffering" (which I do not even personally agree with) is not necessarily "suicide" lmfao. This has also been debated by years (which makes using that reddit post as an argument even more funny, instead of the 28338 articles out there), including in the most basic written discourses on absurdism: the works of Camus. Anon just does not have the emotional capacity to approach difficult topics outside of moments of profound despair (which is always very easy to do). I do believe my decision is both an inherently rational one, not necessarily negative or positive, and one born out of the basic "do no harm" human instinct. I would be more than happy to have my mind changed. Though I doubt that is going to happen through a reddit post. lol.

People react negatively to antinatalism because it goes against their favorite pastimes, sex and breeding. Natalism runs deep and is necessary for the running of this reality, so people see it as a death sentence to do otherwise. I feel the same as you, my worldview is mostly shaped by a desire to do the least amount of harm. That goes against those who are addicted to physicality, as they’re always eager to take, no matter the cost. Most people get off on harm and inequality though, as their sense of self esteem is built upon being “better” by dominating and consuming more resources. Arguments against antinatalism always fall flat because they’re dishonest. All these people need to say is “I enjoy life even when others are negatively impacted because my pleasing my physical senses is all I care about.” Everything you’ve said is true, and your reasoning shows compassion and understanding of what this world really is.

[bluedalahorse]

Public perceptions of Sara as a neurodivergent in love

As far as Sara’s romance arc goes in Young Royals, something I’ve thought a lot about is how there’s this ableist tendency to infantilize autistic people, and part of this ableist infantilization comes down to downplaying or ignoring or erasing autistic people’s sexualities. Luckily, there’s more shows recently that have pushed back against that in some form—Everything’s Gonna Be Okay and Heartbreak High being among them. (Everything’s Gonna Be Okay even has an ace autistic character to nuance things all the more.) Young Royals first and foremost pushes back by giving Sara a love story in her own right, full of as many ups and downs and complex turns of character that Wille and Simon’s relationship does.

There’s a second thing that I think might be going on, and it’s subtle enough to me that I want to see how season 3 plays out before I can say “this is for sure a thing that’s happening in the show.” And that is the way that other characters respond to Sara’s potential for romantic and sexual attraction, whether they’re downplaying it or actually seeing the reality of it. Now, Sara’s Manor House pals at least acknowledge her potential to feel attraction and be in a relationship, and that’s good, but it feels sort of… abstract? And while Sara does lack the experience the other girls have, they tend to presume a level of innocence and naïveté on her part that doesn’t quite match up with Sara’s more complicated reality. (Also, this may just be my bias speaking, but Fredrika’s comment about Sara’s virginity particularly grates on me. Fredrika plays it off as a compliment but I don’t think it’s meant to be kind.) Meanwhile, when it comes to Sara’s interactions with Simon, we see her teasing him about boys and boyfriends, but he doesn’t seem to respond to her in the same way. Not out of malicious intent I don’t think, but it was something I noticed in their interaction.

It also strikes me that Sara and August were in a secret relationship all season 2 and as far as we know so far, no one noticed. Neither of them is very subtle in how they’re texting the other one and they’re both always sneaking off “to go get a textbook” or whatever. Boys have walked by Sara as she’s walked through the halls of Forest Ridge dormitory. It wouldn’t be that hard to figure out! Felice lives with Sara and doesn’t suspect secret boyfriends or anything. I’m curious to see what the Hillerska rumor mill is like in season 3—whether anyone did pick up on the little sargust tryst like they did the wilmon one, or whether Hillerska students failed to notice because they don’t see Sara as being inherently connected to romance as someone like say, Felice is. Naturally Sara’s class background and gender play a role in that as well, but identities always interact and we can’t leave neurodivergence out of the equation.

We talk a lot about how Sara’s neurodivergence impacted the way she got into a relationship, mostly in terms of how her neurodivergent traits impact her sense of morality and the way she reads certain social signals. What I haven’t seen people talk about as much is how other people in her life perceive her neurodivergence and her capacity for romantic and/or sexual relationships. I’m curious, too, to know how intentionally the show is addressing this. As season 3 deals with the fallout of season 2, I wonder to what extent other characters might try to pigeonhole Sara as childlike or not in full understanding of her own feelings, as they try to make sense of what happened with Sara and August. And I wonder to what extent Sara will have to fight back and claim her own agency in relation to these feelings, even as she’s left this relationship behind.

What do you all think?

[extasiswings]

I said this to others already, but to me this finale had a lot of 4x14 vibes tbh. Season 4 was severely hindered in it’s production due to COVID and i am, to this day, convinced that that’s also what made them tie it up with such a neat little bow before (at least in Bucktaylors case) undoing a lot of it immediately as season 5 rolled around. Essentially giving everyone the happiest ending they feasibly could.

And there’s something to be said about how mainstream tv seems to think that “happy ending” always equals “in a romantic relationship” whether or not the relationship itself is developed or healthy at all, but for two characters with character arcs so intertwined with their love life, it does make sense.

The thing is, to me this makes sense. Am I thrilled? No. But I’m excited to see what they do because I understand how this fits with the rest of the season and I’m not worried about it.

There were three big themes circling around Buck and Eddie all season. 1) missing the things that are right in front of you; 2) fantasy vs reality; and 3) Fear holding you back/preventing you from living your life. All three of these themes are tied together and need to be worked through to get to a place of Buddie canon and Buck’s “I’m already Christopher’s father” realization. But the last one is arguably the most important in order to get to the heart of the others and that’s where I feel like Marisol and Natalia come in.

Buck and Eddie both started the season single. But not because they necessarily wanted to be, because they were afraid not to be. Afraid to put themselves out there, afraid of being rejected, afraid of making mistakes. But being single out of fear is not the same thing as wanting to be alone or being comfortable with your life as it is, it’s just letting fear control your life. So the way I see it, if they had ended the season still single, that would have changed nothing from where they started.

For Eddie especially, this is a baby step but a necessary one. Whatever happens with Marisol, Eddie’s going to wind up on the other side with some confidence in himself and his ability to be a romantic partner and that’s what he needs to ultimately be secure enough to put himself on the line and really be honest with Buck. It’s low-stakes, it’s fluff, but I think it’s good for him.

For Buck, I disagree with the idea that he is inherently repeating the same mistakes. Yes, it’s not an auspicious start, but we as the audience see things that Buck doesn’t, and also there are some pretty key differences between Natalia and Taylor. With Taylor, they had a preexisting relationship. Buck knew going in all of the things about her that were dealbreakers for him, and instead of being true to himself, he told himself that he could “learn to live with it” and stayed with her for a year. With Taylor, he knew she was fundamentally a person whose values conflicted with his going all the way back to Dosed. He never should have dated her to begin with.

By contrast, he’s been on exactly three dates with Natalia. He barely knows her, and by all accounts she seems like a perfectly nice person even if someone who isn’t ultimately going to work for him (which is something that has been projected to the audience, but not for Buck). She hasn’t done anything wrong (it was pretty reasonable for her to feel overwhelmed and leave when Kameron crashed their date) and there’s nothing about her so far (in her personality or otherwise) that shows Buck is compromising himself and settling. Right now he’s clinging to a woman he wanted to date and get to know better anyway because she wants to be with him too and he’s feeling vulnerable—okay? He wanted to be with her though, I didn’t get the impression this was just about him being afraid to be alone (the way I felt about BT all through S4-S5). If they’re still together after the hiatus when they’ve known each other for more than five minutes and been on more than three dates, and we have actual evidence of him compromising himself where he shouldn’t? Then I’ll be agree that he’s repeating the same mistakes. But if anything right now I’m assuming this is his chance to prove his growth when he is ultimately put in a position to do better—that when something significant comes up he will be comfortable enough with himself to break things off instead of settling for what he doesn’t want. In the meantime, idk about y’all, but it takes me more than three dates to figure out if someone I’m interested in is going to be a good fit for me in the long run. And in a similar vein to Eddie needing to gain some confidence in his ability to be a romantic partner, I think Buck needs to be able to prove to himself that if he’s put in a situation where he’s settling, he’s capable of walking away. And for both of them I think those are important steps for them to take before they’re ready to be together.

[clearancecreedwatersurvival]

Look the real reason so many book fans are mad about the wheel of time adaptation instead of having a great time with it regardless of changes, is that the production is putting a very strong focus on updating the worldbuilding and characters in specific ways, as well as changing individual events in favor of a more streamlined way to make The Same character beats happen.

Because this is an adaptation to film, and of course they have to change stuff. Come on people. Be realistic. You know how long the series is.

And there are parts of the book series that Do need updating. RJ was trying to be as progressive as he could in a lot of his approach to the series, but what was progressive in the 90s is not as progressive now so of course they are updating it. If you didn’t think this show was gonna have queer people and polyamory then sorry about it. Dear Mr. Jordan was Really Good at writing romantic relationships between women when he thought he was just writing friendships, he did it A Couple times. I would Bet Money on Avilayne becoming canon. This series is being created by a queer showrunner he is absolutely doing a queer reading of these books. Which I am Very Here For.

And he is doing a reading, and changing things. Which again, is Necessary. The book series is Super long and they have 8 seasons to do it in. They’re gonna change individual events to make sure that the main characters go through all the necessary character beats. And you’re just being recalcitrant if you can’t admit that season two Rules in a lot of ways. They are still making sure every important character has all their moments. And each individual episode has focused on some of the most powerful themes of the Entire book series. Including the inherent tragedies inherent to channelers such as: being cut off from the one power in various ways through shielding and stilling, having their own control of the one power taken over by others through weaves and ter’angreal, and living extended lifespans and thus leaving behind their loved ones. They’re doing a Very good job of keeping to the core themes and character beats and also changing stuff around to make the story work on a shorter time frame.

Also they’re working really hard to make sure Every character is as well fleshed out as possible. Meaning that yes, a lot of focus is being spent so far on the other main pov characters and all of the important aes sedai who will matter in the conflicts to come. That’s a good thing. Sorry to the people who only cared about the ta’veren boys or whatever but RJ wrote a ton of interesting and powerful women and they’re all getting their Due in this adaptation that is a feature not a bug.

It’s not like there isn’t stuff to be improved in the original! There is a huge chunk of the wheel of time that a lot of fans refer to as the slog! Where most of the main characters are separated and the plot is barely moving so some characters only show up in like two chapters of a single book, because there are so many individual things happening, before the plot starts moving faster again towards the end of the series. (And then there’s the crimes committed by Mr. Sanderson on the last three books but we’re not going to talk about that right now.

Which personally I would disagree that the slog is where the series is least enjoyable. The section I usually skip when rereading is the first two books, #having a great time right now actually with the show skipping through as much of the minutiae of books I and II as they can. The wheel of time is not a perfect series and Robert Jordan kept trying to finish it in one to three books at first and the first two books suffer as a result.

If you stopped reading in books one or two PLEASE just try to make it to three Trust Me. Or just watch the show and then read the battle of falme in book II and then read book III. You will appreciate books one and two more on a reread after all the stuff he does bring up there has really paid off. And also just have fun watching your faves be more happy than they are in later books ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

The show is not Trying to be the books and frankly I’m glad it’s not! This is another turning of the wheel, another version of events, a parallel universe to the randland of the books. And I think they’re doing a pretty brilliant job of telling a version of that story so far this season.

Adaptations will change things. That’s a good thing. Judge it on executing the ideas it is bringing up and staying true to the core of the character arcs and themes of the original. And frankly it’s enhancing a lot of character arcs right now. There are many things that I think the show is already doing better than the books did tbh (Min, Liandrin, Selene, making Perrin spend less time dithering about the Wolf Stuff, speeding up Mat’s healing from the dagger so my best boy gets more time to shine)

Adaptations are transformative works. To lesser and greater degrees they reinterpret a work through a different artistic lens and medium. The changes are not bad because they are changes. Judge it on the execution of the story it’s actually telling instead of a close comparison to the books. And they are keeping as true to the books as they can whether you acknowledge that or not.

If you’re a person who reads fanfiction but you can’t judge a film adaptation for what it is instead of what it’s not then please try Slightly harder.

And if you’re just mad that it’s all queer and polyamorous now and the boys aren’t the only main characters then die mad I guess. I will continue having a pretty great time watching this show chock full of extremely powerful (and sometimes evil) women. I think RJ would have liked it tbh.

[mandyspeaks]

How is BPD created from a BPD perspective

In my experience BPD is created through fundamental abandonment trauma, particularly with family. I can give an example to show how this functions.

Let’s imagine Betty lives on a planet far away, where it is customary for family members to always shake hands when they see each other. Betty sees other families doing this all the time. She sees her own family members shaking hands with each other. Yet for some reason, none of the family members will shake Betty’s hand. They simply refuse to and ignore her when she tries. Eventually Betty gives up trying.

When you’re a child, you often don’t have enough context for how healthy families work, to know that there’s anything dysfunctional about yours. In this case, the child is more likely to draw the painful conclusion that they are the problem. It’s not the adults for refusing to shake her hand, she must not be worthy of it. She internalizes this shame as a permanent core sense of self when relating to the world. She enters the world through the filter of “I’m not worthy. There is something inherently wrong with me.”

Later in life Betty falls in love and enters a romantic relationship. She finally has someone who will shake her hand upon greeting like she always wanted. Which possibly contradicts her feeling that she is not worthy.

For this reason her ego will hold on to this romantic partner in a way that idolizes them. They’re not just bringing her love, they’re validating her entire sense of selfhood.

One day her partner is in a bad mood and does not shake her hand upon entering their home. For couples that grew up in healthy homes, this would happen from time to time and be forgivable.

For Betty, she is actually reliving her childhood trauma of being denied a handshake. Her partner is not intending to hurt her, and cannot understand the seemingly disproportionate reaction.

Betty’s body is remembering all of the exact same sensations she went through when her own family would refuse to shake her hand. She is actively experiencing a PTSD flashback. On top of that, the experience is validating her core sense of shame and unworthiness.

Someone she once saw as someone totally different from those who betrayed her, is now acting the same way. To Betty, she feels like she cannot escape this pattern, because deep down, she is not worthy of having her hand shook.

Betty is in so much emotional turmoil during this flashback that she says angry and somewhat hurtful things to her partner. Her thoughts are racing and she feels like a hurt child again. In the moment, she feels that she is doing what she can to reveal this deep seated pain to her partner, which is so painful that it comes out laced with anger and betrayal that is not solely from this moment, but decades deep. She isn’t just speaking to her partner in this moment, she is speaking to her family members who neglected and abandoned her.

Betty tells her partner she doesn’t want to speak to them anymore. Betty does not feel she is worthy of having her needs met, so she has to find another way to get them met. By pushing her partner away, part of her hopes that they will “realize” the truth of her pain and validate it. But her partner doesn’t understand why she is having such a strong reaction.

Eventually the PTSD flashback will fade away and for Betty it will feel like she is coming down off of a bad drug mixed with an angry panic attack. and Betty’s rational mind will start to see the situation as it is. For a BPD person an argument can feel like waking up with a bad hangover and seeing you texted your ex, but worse. It’s waking up to reality and seeing you have said things you know are unreasonable and pushed away the one person who showed you love.

The truth of BPD is that to an outsider, our behavior may seem unreasonable and difficult. But to that person, there are many layers of trauma and context that have led to these specific rejections being profoundly painful, especially when coming from someone you love.

[arkus-rhapsode]

I guess this is still a controversial opinion in 2023, but… I think Micaiah is a good character. Like yeah I understand there are a lot of newer FE fans who are getting introduced to her through stuff like Engage and Heroes, but if you’ve been around as long as me you know that Micaiah probably was the “love or hate her” character of FE pre Edelgard/Rhea discourse.

I’m probably not gonna sway anyone who has already picked what side they fall on. I’m just gonna give you my opinion as one guy on the internet who has lived through a lot of discourse and what he thinks.

I think there are three primary complaints that people still pull out with her: She’s a Mary Sue, she’s dumb, and she’s a bad unit.

Now look, I’ll give you the bad unit. She’s a lord character that doesn’t have a lord build. She’s a light mage. Now Radiant Dawn is infamous for its difficulty and stat variation, so pairing an interesting idea of a lord who’s not a combative unit is an interesting idea on paper. But in execution it’s just really hard to play. So I get why people don’t like her as a unit.

The Mary Sue argument I’ve never been a fan of however. Yes, she has special healing powers, future sight, and all the apostle powers. But like… That’s kinda just what a lot of FE lord characters get? They get a special weapon only they can use, they have a magic blood that gives them power, they are secretly the descendant of some ultra important person or god and they’re destined for something. Like it’s kinda always just been there with FE lord characters. Hell, even non lord avatar characters like Robin and Byleth are just secretly reincarnations of gods. I think with Micaiah the issue comes in that she’s in the same game as Ike. Who was bucking the trend as a playable character that wasn’t a lord, wasn’t magically destined for anything, and isn’t secretly a child of some Uber royal. So Micaiah does feel like an oddity, but I’d argue this does create an interesting conflict of a traditional MC vs a non traditional one.

And finally the “she’s dumb” argument. So I understand that games are an interactive medium. And people value being able to make their own choices. But in the intersection of narrative and gameplay focused games, there are characters and events we don’t have control of. Micaiah makes a choice to liberate her homeland but doesn’t want to be its ruler. When Pelleas the son of Ashnard comes along and seems like a good guy, she gives it to him. This makes sense from Micaiah’s perspective-despite loving her country she doesn’t want to rule it. So when a seemingly good individual with recognized lineage comes in, she’s willing to give it up. But we the audience can see this is flawed, Sothe in game mentions this. And ultimately Micaiah’s choice is what brings Daein under Begnion. Where now she has to do things she doesn’t like in a desperate war.

I feel like in media there’s a criticism of “why don’t these characters do the logical thing that I would’ve done in this situation.” And I think games as an interactive medium enhance that as they want to make their own choices. But in a narrative a character doesn’t always need to make logical sense. A character can exist independent of what the player wants and takes actions that the viewer may disagree with. But an action a character takes that they may disagree with isn’t inherently a sign of bad writing. I personally believe that if it makes sense for the character within the context of the story, they are capable of making mistakes. And often times these flaws are what facilitates character development/introspection.

So when Micaiah makes her choice to not be ruler, it makes sense from the perspective of someone not interested in ruling. However, her choice has consequences, ultimately forcing her to do more of the things she was trying to avoid. And even if Pelleas lives or dies, Micaiah by the end of the story is now queen out of obligation rather than personal interest. The game at least seems self aware of audience would react to a flawed decision by having Sothe be the voice of obvious concern. But let’s for a moment think if she did the logical thing. Had Micaiah just held onto power at first and did nothing, there really wouldn’t be a plot for Daein or a journey for Micaiah. And it probably be a much more dull story.

Characters are allowed to be flawed and make mistakes. Make choices we don’t personally agree with. But the important thing is that flawed actions have actual consequences to them. And basically all of Daein suffering from someone who made a bad choice and is now living through it and ultimately has to rise to the position that she denied in the first place is a suitable consequence.

I think actual bad choices in narratives tend to be actions that have no real conflict as the plot needs to bend to make that choice make sense or justify a bad choice. Rather than an action having a tangible consequence that needs to be dealt with internally or externally.

So yes, Micaiah made a dumb call in Radiant Dawn. And it led to an interesting story and character development.

Now I do have issues with Micaiah: I don’t like that Yune ultimately takes over for most of part 4. I don’t like that there are no supports in RD so I had to wait till Engage to see how she may feel about certain characters. Yes, I think that she is ultimately eclipsed by the true MC of the game Ike. And yes, I don’t like her future sight. I have never liked precognition as a storytelling concept. I’m just not a fan of its inclusion.

That said, I don’t dislike Micaiah. I do actually find her an interesting character who was allowed to be flawed and not fall into the newer FE game trap of trying make her more likeable/actually secretly in the right the whole time. And maybe it’s weird that something like this discourse is still kinda around. But with stuff like Engage and talks FE4 reboot and just a general Tellius conversation still existing I felt like I might as well say where I stand on who used to be the most controversial FE character.

[bouncykhotchillipeppers]

Welcome back to another special edition of my astrological chart readings… Today we have Seonghwa.

✦ Disclaimer I do not know him personally, no harm intended, others may interpret differently. I’ve been studying astrology for six years, and I take this seriously and try my best. Feel free to ask any questions you have! This is not a full chart reading, just a couple of interesting things for his birthday.

✦ Sun, Mercury Rx, Mars, Saturn conjunction, Sun conjunct Midheaven in Aries (Tenth House) Quick rundown, when I found out that if you swap the characters in his given name (성화 seong-hwa to become 화성 hwa-seong) and it means Mars, well… Aries is ruled by Mars. They’re inherently connected in astrology as they have the same energy. And he has four planets and his Midheaven all in Aries, which is crazy! Things that seem fated.

Back to the actual analysis. Stelliums, or three or more planets in one sign, are common occurrences. He has two stelliums, one in Aries (Sun, Mercury, Mars, Saturn) and one in Aquarius (Venus, Uranus, Neptune).

There is an overall need to be noticed—he wants to be recognized for whatever he achieves, and he will achieve things because he’s determined enough to and has the iron-clad will to get him through any trials he will come across. Despite this need to be noticed, the Aries Sun thriving in the spotlight, he has a penchant for being sensitive to how others perceive him, thanks to Saturn being here as well. What others say about him matters. He wants to conform, yet he wants to rebel. It will take a while for him to come out of his shell, but when he does, it’s wonderful.

That Mars-Saturn conjunction is the most interesting because it’s the most powerful, the domicile Mars overpowering the exiled Saturn. Someone who is simultaneously afraid of conflict yet constantly testing his will in extreme situations. Impulse vs steadfastness. There are many ways this can be interpreted, though for brevity I will say that part of him will always need to let his individuality out, his need for independence, and there’s a battle against authority going on inside of him at all times.

Mars-Saturn sesquiquadrate Pluto, the patience and depth is astounding… Endurance, survival, in it for the long run. When he devotes himself, he devotes everything he has. He’s all in. He doesn’t know how to do things halfway.

Mercury-Mars conjunction, a quick thinker, though with Mercury in retrograde, it may come out unplanned or not as it should be taken. A little witty, a little silly… Bored easily.

Sun sextile Uranus makes him open to being a little quirky and odd, more willing to associate himself with people who don’t fit in, and that Venus placement emphasizes this, too.

✦ Moon in Cancer (Twelfth House) This is his chart ruler, an overpowering presence in his chart. Moon rules over what is secure, emotions and the presence in the home. Whatever is in 12H bleeds into the collective consciousness—your feelings are his feelings, and he isn’t sure where yours end and his begin. Extremely sensitive to whatever and whoever is around him. There needs to be a…refined aspect to this though. He doesn’t like to deal with anything too unpleasant if he doesn’t have to. It’s good that he has the Aries and Aquarius to offset this, the doers of the zodiac, otherwise he could get too stuck in his own head and avoid confrontation altogether in order to keep the peace. I suppose one could also associate this placement with someone who lives in a chaotic home, many unplanned things happening all at once, though it could also mean someone who wants to maintain a perfect home, perhaps in spite of the chaos. Since Moon and Cancer both are associated with the mother, this could also mean an idealization (12H) of all motherly or homely things.

✦ Venus in Aquarius (Eighth House) I sort of covered this when I did Hongjoong’s chart reading a month ago, but it’s likely that Seonghwa runs very hot and cold with people, very either/or. Venus doesn’t naturally like to be here. He has a lot of walls… Once you’re in his circle, you’re in it permanently—unless you betray him somehow, which would be the ultimate offense. Very protective over others. Uranus in 7H emphasizes the hot-cold of his personality, though he has 7H of one-on-one relationships in Capricorn and 11H of friendships in Taurus, so whatever friendships and relationships he does have are long term. He probably likes to give gifts of some kind to others, an exchange of sorts. “I do this for you, you do this for me.”

✦ Final thoughts Seonghwa is a very passionate and devoted person. He simultaneously wears his heart on his sleeve but keeps his cards close to his chest… Everything must surface eventually though.

I don’t talk about parents because I do not wish to speculate, but I do feel like he’s very similar to his mother in a lot of ways due to all of the planets in tenth house and his Ascendant being in Cancer.

Thank you for reading! You can check out my other chart readings on my blog or on Twitter.

[anthotneystark]

And I wish you all the love in the world (But most of all, I wish it from myself)

She’s lived her whole life being terrified of love. 

When you’ve known for your whole life that there’s something different about you, something people say is wrong, that kind of fear is just there. Forever. 

Her parents are good, great even. They love her, they make sure she knows that people are people and everyone has good in them and there’s nothing wrong with people who don’t live the lives everyone says they should. 

But that fear, it doesn’t go away. There’s always that whisper in her head saying those opinions are reserved for everyone else, but if she’s part of that crowd, she’s on her own. She’s only ever had unconditional love from them, but fear doesn’t care about logic. Fear doesn’t care that there’s no reason for them to change their minds. 

It’s a tear in her soul, feeling that inherent knowledge about herself, feeling that part of her that wants to scream all the time, feeling that part of her that demands she shove it down, get over it, suck it up and accept that she’s going to be alone for the rest of her life because this isn’t something she gets to have. 

Love isn’t something she can have. It’s not something she has the luxury of receiving.

So she hides, not everything, but enough. She hides the wrong and embraces the weird. She knows better than to think she can hide the bigger parts of her. She talks too much, too fast, she gets ahead of herself, she gets way too invested in things that no one else cares about but it’s fine, it’s good, she has casual friends and pretends to have crushes on average boys who don’t interest her because the truth is locked in her lungs like an infection. 

She bites her tongue and screams into her pillow and cries sometimes because it aches holding it all in some days. 

Through it all, love is terrifying. Because for her, love is hiding, love is acting, love is for the shadows if at all. She’s terrified to have it and terrified she won’t find it all at once. She knows it isn’t here, it can’t be, not in this town. But sometimes she watches other people and thinks maybe she’s not as alone as she feels. 

Sometimes she watches other people and thinks she’s exactly as alone as she feels, but she tries not to actually dwell on that. 

She gets used to it, being alone. She’s not the first choice, and it’s okay. It’s okay when she’s never a first priority. It’s okay when she’s picked last. It’s okay when she’s overlooked even for things she’s worked really hard on. She’s made peace with all of it and tells herself that someday she’ll be out of this town and somewhere bigger, where there’s a million more people and being overlooked is better because blending in might give her the chance to at least be happy. If no one is looking, maybe she could get away with the things she knows are just her, the things people here would use against her. 

She swallows feelings and doesn’t let herself stare at pretty girls who set her veins on fire when they smile. She glares at the boys who discard nice girls once they’ve gotten what they want, careless of the broken hearts in their wake. She watches girls continue to fall for the false charms they put on when it’s time for the next conquest. She even gets to comfort some of them, on occasion, hugging whichever girl as she cried because she thought she could change him. 

She bites her tongue as one of the worst becomes her coworker. She lashes out a little, not more than could be excused as simple irritation, and he accepts it. Somehow, he doesn’t get mad about it, just takes it with a smile and makes her feel terribly guilty for a moment about it. 

To her utter dismay, she warms up to him. He’s not exactly the same as she imagined, as she built him up to be based on rumors and small interactions. He’s a little airheaded, a little dorky, a big pushover when it comes to a group of children apparently. 

But it’s only when they’re both being held hostage, when he keeps talking bragging about knocking out an officer earlier, when he’s all but begging them to take him first, that she realizes she actually cares about him. 

She wants to sob when they bring him back, when they tie them together and she has just enough time to wonder if they’ve just tied her to his dead body. She hates that she cares, but she doesn’t breathe easily again until he wakes up. She cares so much about him and now she can’t ignore it or pretend it’s something else, she just has to hold that care in her heart and hope he never notices anything else about her. 

She’s been asked out before, she’s had boys who were her friends, but then they’d always, always get to that point where they wanted something more from her, where they looked at all the conversations and assumed she wanted romance and not friendship. She never wanted more, but the sting of losing someone she’d cared about was a familiar pain. The way they lashed out and called her names was familiar. 

She didn’t want to imagine how much it would hurt when Steve joined their ranks, not after all this. 

She’s never told anyone her secret, has barely admitted it out loud, but there’s a terrifying moment where he talks about having a crush on her and suddenly she can’t breathe. She needs to get it over with, rip the bandaid off, lose him before she gets any more attached. Because she knows the way people here think about her kind of people, because she knows there are strings attached to friendship and limits to what people will accept even if they’re not bad people. Because she will lose him, and it will hurt, and she’ll have to live the rest of her life wondering if she should have kept quiet, if she could have faked it enough to keep him in her life, if she could have forced herself to have a crush on him the way he says he does on her. Because she almost died and she was terrified of the thought of him dying but now she’s going to lose him anyway. 

Except she doesn’t. 

He takes a second, a terrifying second, as the words sink in, as her revelation sinks in, and she’s never been more scared in her life. But he surprises her, pokes fun and teases and in his words she finds acceptance, she finds affection. 

He still cares, even after the rejection, and she kind of wants to cry, but she also just wants to hug him and never let go. 

The moment doesn’t last, it can’t. Her terror finds new reaches, new fears, new nightmares she’s going to live with forever, but Steve is there, squeezing her hand right when she needs it the most. It’s the first time she’s held hands with a boy, the first time she’s wanted to, and she lets it be a comfort instead of one of those fears. 

They get out alive though, by some miracle, and she holds on tight to Steve’s hand again as he lies about his parents being home to the EMTs. She knows they’re not home, he’d told her the other day. 

She doesn’t let him get away with it, not fully. She drags him home with her, and her parents accept it. She almost bursts into tears at the implication that he’ll be in the guest room, out of reach, and it’s like they know there’s no motivation to it beyond her being absolutely terrified to let him out of her sight. So he sets up a blanket on the floor next to her bed. 

Sleep should be impossible, but they’re too exhausted mentally and physically to stay awake. He snores, and it should annoy her, but it’s comforting instead. He’s alright, she can hear that he’s alright when she startles partially into wakefulness. 

She wakes sobbing at one point, and she didn’t think it was very loud, but it’s enough to wake him and he’s right there, holding her, whispering reassurances. She falls back asleep sometime later, tucked in his arms. 

He stays a few days, until she’s sure he can live through the night in his big empty house, but he’s never really gone for long. He’s there for dinners multiple nights a week, or she’s at his house when her parents have late shifts, and through it all he’s so solid and steady and she’s never had a friend like him before. 

It’s the most innocent thing that makes her realize it. 

After the “earthquake”. After the world is saved. After it’s all over and they can just be young again. 

After. 

He’s got a few more scars, she’s got a few more nightmares, but they can still laugh and he’s determined to teach her how to drive even if they both know she’s happy enough sitting shotgun. He’s healed, finally, and someday she’ll be able to close her eyes and not see the terrifying image of his face as he was being strangled in front of her. 

It shouldn’t be a surprise though, what she finds. 

He’s making lunch, some fancy mac and cheese that he swears is just the best she’ll ever eat. She’s hungry now though, so she goes to the fridge and pulls out the container of sliced strawberries that’s always there. 

They’re just the right size, perfectly ripe, and have just enough sugar dusted over them to make them a little too sweet, just the way she loves. 

Just the way she loves. 

Her favorite fruit, exactly how she loves it. 

Love. 

He loves her. 

He loves her unconditionally, knows her inside and out, knows her favorite things, knows her. 

She’s been so terrified of love all this time, and she didn’t even notice when she found it. She didn’t notice it in all those nights spent in each others’ beds, all those times they’d dance around the kitchen while he cooked or she baked, all those times he was her first call or she was his first choice, all those days spent in a graceful dance around each other at work because they might as well be psychically connected at this point. 

She’d tried so hard not to find love, to hide from it, and she didn’t even notice as it grew in her. She didn’t notice how she checks out books on things he’s interested in just so she can read to him on slow nights at the store or on the nights they can’t sleep, so they can talk without needing to think about heavy things. She didn’t notice as they played basketball or soccer, sharing the games they both loved. She didn’t notice as her definition of ‘home’ changed to fit him in it no matter where it was.  

She loves him and he loves her. 

He always has her favorite snack here, ready and waiting for her. Her clothes are in his closet, her makeup in his bathroom. All he has to do is reach and she’s right there. 

She doesn’t even notice she’s crying until he’s reaching for her, worry in his eyes and a question she doesn’t hear on his tongue. She sets the strawberries down and lets him pull her into a hug, clings to him with everything she’s got because she’s so terrified of love but it’s just so easy to love, to be loved, with him. 

Terrifying but not. 

Because she can be scared with him, because she’s safe with him, because it’s him.

Romance will happen for them both, and it’ll be terrifying and happy and exciting and sad and everything else that comes with love and life. She will love though, she will be strong enough to take that risk where once she wondered how she could ever live that kind of dream. 

She’ll do it, because she knows unconditional love, because she knows that love will always be with her through all the changes life can throw at her just the same as she knows he’ll always have her love. 

For now though, she holds him, lets him hold her, and she loves and is loved.