#when they give me to a specialist to do the thing. not recommendation. whatever | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

bunmellos · 8 months ago

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Hi!! Huge fan of your artwork and I’ve been following you for a while now!

I was wondering if you had any advice for people wanting to become music majors/professional musicians? I’m currently a senior in high school and I want to play saxophone professionally, but the thought of entering the “music world” (which many people have said is unstable and hard to make money in) scares me a little. If there’s any advice you can give on college and life as a musician I’d love to hear it!

aah thank you!! music is definitely a difficult field to get started in. the culture around our instruments and repertoire are pretty different but here’s a couple tips that are universal:

1. whether they’re required or not, try to fit some pedagogy(teaching) classes into your curriculum. teaching is one of the best ways to ensure you have a steady income, which is really hard to come by as a freelance musician and/or someone fresh out of college. teaching privately allows you to set your own schedule, rates, and policies, and personally i think it’s very rewarding to watch your students grow and get to know all sorts of people :> middle schoolers are really fun to interact with LOL

2. try to build relationships with your peers, instructors, and community members. this one is really important in my opinion! iirc pretty much all the gigs ive booked came about because i was recommended/invited by a friend or mentor, and my good relationship with local orchestra teachers led them to recommend me to their students for private lessons. how you play is definitely important, but networking is one of the most vital skills for a musician to have

3. in a similar vein, try to jump on opportunities even if they’re daunting! usually they aren’t as bad as you think they’ll be (i get crazy anxious when i go into a new situation or even when preparing for first rehearsals of a concert cycle, so i’m still working on this one lol)

4. don’t limit yourself to /just/ performance. i’ve known lots of fantastic musicians who manage different aspects of a professional ensemble, do instrument maintenance, etc., while still playing on the side. one of the most rewarding jobs i’ve ever had was when i worked in a music store as a string specialist. i learned what makes a quality instrument, differences in materials, basic string repair, even a little bit about winds and brass (as a violinist i still can’t believe brass players bathe their instruments O_O)

as for school itself, i think the most important thing is that you get along with your private teacher, since they’ll be your closest collaborator. take lots of auditions and take advantage of the built in rehearsal+practice time! i rushed through school as fast as possible because despite its wonderful music program i Hated my university and where it was located and i’m still kicking myself for graduating asap instead of taking my time.

currently i definitely take a defensive approach to being a musician. as you’ve probably noticed, most of my advice leans on leaving yourself other options in case playing professionally full-time doesn’t work out. obviously i don’t know the full extent of your situation but most people don’t get the performance job they hope for straight out of school- music programs are notoriously bad for failing to set their graduates on a steady career path, which unfortunately is just how it goes with the arts. i’m still trying to figure out what i want to do and i constantly have to remind myself that my life isn’t over just because i’m not soloing with orchestras around the world or whatever at 23 years old; im still growing as a musician even after graduating with a degree and i have my whole life to improve !! which i think is one of the most important things to remember

i think that’s about it for now but let me know if you have any other questions :] good luck!!

#ask #long post

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felgueirosa · 1 year ago

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if it’s not too triggering, why were you institutionalized for being picky? (If it’s too personal feel free to delete this ask, sorry)

Hi! It's no problem, it is triggering, but i think about it a lot, and it is something i sometimes shared on here, after it just happened, because i was in shock and had to let people know and to reach out like hey? has this happened to anyone else? but right after that it became too hard to put words to and too triggering to talk about so i talked about it less.

but its a story i want to tell now and am becoming more okay with telling, because i want people to know what happens to people, what happened to me, and what could very well happen to me again

and also, it just so happens i have been thinking about it a lot recently and thinking how to tell my story because i have been psyching myself up to tell my girlfriend.

so like. suuuuuuuuper long story below the cut. can be very triggering, its a very upsetting story. tw for like. institutionalization (obvs), suicide, medical abuse, eating disorders, psychiatric abuse, parental abuse (?)

I was kind of institutionalized. At first, it happened almost 9 years ago, I remember the anniversary every year. I was 16, my doctor recommended I be put in a childrens hospital eating disorder program. I have ARFID, no one really knew what it was at the time. I've had it since i was an infant and went from doctor to doctor and no one had ever seen anyone like me or knew what to do. One doctor said I wouldn't live past 21 if I continued to eat the way I do, but clearly that was not the case.

I am forever astounded by the amount of people I run into on here and online in general who identify as having ARFID or being that level of picky eater, though talking with some of them more in depth, it seems like they are often not on the level of pickiness i am on and seem to have experienced less shame and be more open about discussing it though everyone is different and impossible to tell.

I was excited for the program at first before it started. I thought they were going to help me and I would finally be a normal person. I was so tired of being harassed by random strangers, laughed at by waiters, and ridiculed by my family. Every person I made friends with I had to at some point make a terrifying confession to and going on dates (for the small regrettable amount I did it in high school) was near impossible when I had to show the part of myself that I was most ashamed about and hated the most on the first date.

I thought at the program I would find specialists who would sympathize with me and help me and would fix me. And when I got there, before anything even happened, I had to sign all these papers, and my parents did too, and I didn't know what they were, I didn't question it. What I signed didn't even really matter anyways, I was 16. And the first day I brought my phone with me and a book, and my bag with some other stuff. But after I signed everything, they took everything I had away, and we went to this room with all these doctors, 'my treatment team', I had never met them before, they barely looked at me or talked to me, but they talked about me and my 'treatment plan' and they were never caring to me, never talked to me like a person.

The plan, as it was for everyone, was that they give you three meals a day, of whatever food they bring you, you have to eat all of it by the time an alarm they set goes off, you have to drink every drop of water they give you, have to use every packet of sauce they give you. If you don't do this, you get moved down a 'level' and you get privileges taken away. Things like watching tv, or being around other patients, but most of all, I found out that being moved down a level just meant you usually get locked in a room by yourself for a few hours because that happened to me. a lot.

i was very upset when i found this out. this was not helping me. because as i found out, it turns out no one really knows a fucking thing about helping people with mental illnesses or eating disorders or developmental disabilities even though the medical establishment likes to talk about how much it has progressed. they don't know a single fucking thing.

so i finally went out to the common room with the other patients. i was crying very hard and told the doctors that was it i wanted to leave i didn't want to be part of the program. but they told me it was too late i already signed the consent forms. so i don't know if medical consent/institutionalization is still like this almost 10 years later, if someone was lying to me or if this is true, but my mom also told me the same thing, and apparently if you consent to this kind of thing you cannot take it back. which by definition, makes it not consent.

i remember sobbing in the common area with the other patients (they were all girls, about same age as me), and there was another new patient, also sobbing. the other girls tried to comfort us and talk to us, but the orderlies (i don't really know what else to call them, all they really did was sit and watch us and make sure we didn't do anything that wasn't allowed. they were all college girls. they were extremely mean to us, they thought we were being dramatic) wouldn't let them, we weren't really allowed to talk to each other much and we weren't allowed to touch each other and we very specifically for some reason were not allowed to comfort each other.

i was crying especially hard because i knew that this program was expected to last for a couple months. but as i talked to the other girls there the small amount i was able to, i found out that most of them had been there for much longer than a couple months, many of them for over a year. i managed to catch my parents as they were leaving from dropping me off and talking with the doctors (i had only been there still only like 3 or 4 hours) and screamed at them to get me out of here. my mom seemed really shaken by the way i was acting and the doctor told her not to worry and i specifically remember him saying "they all act like this at the beginning".

it is something i will never forget because every time i tried to convince my mom to get me out of there she seem conflicted based on the fact that the doctor said that. and it hits me every time that all the doctors, the nurses, the people working there, can see children. children. acting like that about what they are doing to them and think they are doing the right thing. i will never forget it ever. and every person who came in after me did the same thing! because it was prison! it was punishment! for having a eating disorder! for being autistic! when i was able to talk to my mom, she kept saying "we are not trying to punish you" and the more times she said i realized she was trying to convince herself.

i ate some of the foods they gave me but i never got used to them like they said i would. i just got knocked down a level every time and got locked in a room. and the thing is, unlike most media and reports about mental wards or asylums. it was a nice hospital. it was brand new. the room i was locked in was not a padded room. one of the walls was just a window. and in some ways, that made it worse. because it looked out on a highway and i saw all the cars going to and from work, going to the store, going to eat. and they were so free and they could go where they wanted and eat what they wanted and when they wanted and they weren't locked in a room. and they passed this hospital and had no idea what was happening to me or to anyone else here and it made me so angry and so defeated. i felt so close to being away from a waking nightmare but i knew i would never get there. a year!!! i could be there for over a year.

a year without going where i wanted when i wanted. no access to my phone. i wasn't allowed to see my friends. i wasn't allowed to read my books. i wasn't allowed to eat what i wanted when i wanted. i did therapy a few times a day but it was more like an interrogation. when i was a high enough level to be in the common room, i sat in the corner and did puzzles obsessively so i could just dissociate and focus on the puzzles. eventually the therapist told me i wasn't allowed to do puzzles anymore because it was "distracting from my recovery" and i "wasn't thinking about my eating" (i don't know what the fuck i was supposed to be thinking about). it got to the point where i felt like i didn't have ownership of my own mind anymore. i wasn't allowed to dissociate. i wasn't thinking about what they wanted me to be thinking about.

they told me if i "was good" (aka if i reached a high enough level, not going to happen) i could write them a list of 100 songs. they would load all the songs on an ipod shuffle to loan to me. but only after they listened to all of them first to make sure they were appropriate. they told me if i "was good" maybe i could see my best friend for a few hours for one weekend. a few hours. for one weekend. i was understanding how truly controlling the program was. seeing a friend for a few hours once a month is a privilege. listening to a few songs they approve is a privilege.

but it didn't matter. i realized after the first day that obviously i had to kill myself. i was already in a pretty bad place before the program and was passively suicidal but i realized instantly that i could not live like this and if i was going to be stuck here indefinitely then my only way to escape was to end my life. i didn't have a plan at that point but i knew for certain i was going to do it. the loss of control, the violation, the loss of body and self was unbearable.

every morning they had us strip and then weighed us and did an ekg. why did they have us strip and do an ekg? it doesnt seem like it has much of a point. they watched us go to the bathroom. it all seemed like humiliation and violation for the sake of it.

even after the second day i had realized that i didnt want to be fixed or get better and i had to come to the very quick realization that there had never been anything wrong with me. when i went to therapy they asked me questions like "don't you want to be able to go to restaurants?" "don't you want to be able to eat with friends?" and i realized none of that had to do with my health. the reason i had problems with restaurants was because they didn't accommodate to me and the reason i had problems with friends was all social. all these reasons i had for wanting to be fixed and all these reasons they had for me to want to be fixed were other peoples' problems. the way people treated me was not my problem.

for your treatment plan, one of the first steps was to admit in group therapy that you had an eating disorder and what your problems were (i fucking know) and that would get you more privileges but i decided i wasn't going to do that because i didn't have a problem, my "problem" was everyone else's problem and the way they treated me. so i refused to every session and got locked in the room every time for this. they fucking hated me for it.

if you can't tell how long i was there for based on this. i was only there for a week. because after a week our insurance came back and declined to cover the program. i always hate myself that it was a week. it doesnt feel long enough. for the amount that it did for me. for how much it does to me almost 9 years later. it doesn't feel like enough.

i got home and screamed at my parents. i was so angry. my mom had allegedly been trying the entire time to get me out of the program, but my dad had been trying to keep me in. when i got home my dad had taken away my phone and my laptop and said he wasnt giving them back. i screamed at him and cried and he threatened to call the hospital and have them lock me up forever. i was terrified, i tried to get away from him, to hide. and he got out his phone and took video of me, at my worst moments, he claimed to show to the doctors. i ran away. for a few hours. i had nowhere to go. i ran about a mile. and then sat down outside the rec center and cried until it got dark. and then i went home.

i had nightmares that i was still there for months. it never ended. i was so paranoid about everything. i thought people were coming to lock me up. i couldn't draw any attention to myself or i thought i would be locked up. every time we drove anywhere near the hospital i thought my parents were taking me back there. i was so paranoid i couldn't sleep i couldn't sit i couldn't do anything i had to be looking out for everything and i trusted no one. i walked around, angry at everyone, that they were so carefree in everything and they had no idea what happened to me. i was angry it happened to me and they were worried about things that had no importance. i was angry when adults thought they knew more than me and i felt i had been through more in life at 16 than they had at their age. was it true? i'm not sure.

i think the most important thing i learned, whether true or not, besides not needing to be fixed, was that i could never trust anyone and never ask anyone for help again. i thought they would help me and i was excited. for some time, i thought it was my fault. at least partially. but now i am angry. i was 16. who would do that to a 16 year old who was looking for help because of how people had treated them?

for a while after i talked about arfid a ton on tumblr and also on wordpress. i created the actuallyarfid tag but became disillusioned when so many people in the tag just talked about wanting to get rid of it or their progress in getting rid of it. and eventually i couldn't even talk about it anymore. it was too tied to everything that happened and i was still so ashamed of it. it was to triggering. i stopped.

i think for similar reasons i have stopped associating so much with the autistic community online. i think it has jaded me so much to see so many people who have only had the slightest negative consequences of being autistic and do being autistic like putting on and taking off a coat after something like this happened to me. it was in this program that doctors first told my parents they think i am autistic though i wasnt diagnosed until later. i recognize now that having arfid is part of my being autistic but i don't like to talk about it in the context of having arfid because i don't feel like i 'have' anything. it is just me being me. and i use autistic as a label when i need to explain my needs and differences to people quickly and its fun to make jokes about being autistic sometimes but i dont like to constantly identify myself that way.

my parents are "health" nuts (fake garbage health bullshit) so they were still convinced my eating was going to kill me and many years later have taken me to see several nutritionists. and all these years later, after doctors many years ago declared i had a problem and would die, most of them did not see a huge problem with the way i eat. one of them in particular who i love and have seen over and over again at the behest of my parents has pointed out many things to me. there are plenty of adults who don't eat or barely eat fruits and vegetables. there are plenty of adults who eat the same thing every day (bring the same thing for lunch at work everyday anyone?). the world does not end. if you are different and you do it. then you are a problem and you need to be fixed. but if it is within socially acceptable norms, then it's okay.

i've always thought that some day i wanted to write about what happened to me publicly. in a paper or something. i want people to know. that this happened to me. that this happens to people. still. that it could very well happen to me again. though i'm not sure i could take public response if i did write about it. and after i got out of the program, i wrote it all in a journal, but then ripped it up and shredded it because the words weren't enough. they were so insignificant and i could never ever find the words to capture how horrifying it was what happened to me and how badly it ruined me and destroyed me. it changed my whole life and my perspective on everything. but i think now, almost 10 years later i am starting to find the words. and i think now i am less scared.

#i think now survivingpsych tag would like to look #i think this is the best i have ever written or explained it #most emotional and most explaining why #survivingpsych

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fuck-your-proana-blog · 4 months ago

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Hey there! Love your blog, I'm really grateful you're sharing your story with us. So, if I want to recover, and I know this sounds like a stupid question but what should I do? Like how should I do it? Idk it's like i'll write in my journal, 'I wanna get better' followed by, 'whatever the hell that means.' I don't quite know where to start.

Thanks, and no that's not a stupid question! Those thoughts are definitely understandable; recovery is foreign when we're disordered so we often don't know where to start. I think it's best to see a doctor as soon as possible- your primary care can do an exam/labs concerning what your ED could have done to your body, and DEFINITELY also seek out the help of a psychiatrist and therapist because they help for sure! Be as honest as possible, because they can only help you if you give them all the information they need to do so.

There are some instances where you will have to be closely medically monitored as you recover since EDs are so damaging to the body- some people also might just do better under medical and psychiatric supervision, so if you need to go inpatient/outpatient at an ED specialist hospital that's something to figure out as well. I would tell you "just stop (insert disordered behavior here)" but sometimes that can shock the body and do a lot of damage as well- refeeding syndrome is no joke so that's why I say see a doctor as soon as possible.

Journaling is a great way to write out your intentions with ED recovery and hold yourself accountable for them in the future, so yes- just writing "I want to/will get better now" can be a great start. Make a list of experiences you want in your life that you can only have if you recover, like celebrating holidays without suffering with ED thoughts/behaviors, traveling, getting an education, dating, making/spending time with friends, just anything you yearn to do that your ED is holding you back from. I do not recommend reading any ED story/ "recovery" books because they often delve into the "I was doing x and y and I was soooo skinny" which can scare us further back into our disorders (no "winter girls" or "wasted," but "how to recover" step-by-step books could help!).

I don't know your age/living situation, but if you're a minor definitely tell a trusted adult that can help get you the medical and mental health care you need. If you're in college/uni you could tell the health clinic there what you're going through and see what they recommend regarding your schooling, because recovery is 100% the most important thing in your life- so if you need to take time off from work/school/etc, arrange for that! Caring for your mind and body ALWAYS comes first!

Whoever you begin to see/have been seeing for mental and physical health will be able to tell you the next steps, as I am not your doctor, don't know your developmental state/age, which disorder you're dealing with/how it's impacted your body and mind, and cannot give that type of advice- but know that I am proud of you for taking this step, realizing your ED is the enemy, and reaching out for advice. Feel free to ask me any other questions, or just come here and vent if you want; I'm never far from the internet and if you have any specific questions I want to do my best to aid anyone who wants my help!

Make sure to check in and let me know how you're doing as you recover; I hope you find your voice, strength, and the outside help you need to start living and ED-free life ASAP!❤️‍🩹

#ed recovery #pro recovery #recovery #eating disorder recovery #anorexia recovery #bulimia recovery #osfed recovery #atypical anorexia recovery #BED recovery #binging recovery #restricting recovery #disordered behavior

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dangerpronebuddie · 6 months ago

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I'm so sick of feeling like this.

Just need to rant for a moment because I am so frustrated with myself.

A couple years back, I started having a constant pain in my knee. I went to the doc and he recommended physical therapy. My PT discovered my hips were really misaligned. Like how the fuck are you walking misaligned. She set them back into place (which hurt like a bitch) but then a back pain set in and whenever I walked more than like, a hundred yards, I'd get this sharp pain down the outside of my shin and into my foot (and now the pain in the foot is a constant. It's never not there anymore). But the pain in my leg would never happen during a PT session, so she couldn't figure out what to do for it. When did it actually do it during one? Ten minutes before my final appointment ended. I couldn't keep going bc my insurance wouldn't pay it. But while I was there, she had me see their spinal specialist. She had to reset my hips again, and gave me different exercises to do. Whenever I did them, a new pain would show up. It was frustrating as hell and we all kinda gave up after that. I didn't bother going back to the doc to try and get the insurance to give me more appointments because it wouldn't have done anything.

For the past two-ish years since then, I've been putting up with chronic pain in my back/hips and that stabbing pain in my lower leg. But it's fine, I can usually manage most days.

My family, more often than not, just tell me to push through when it gets really bad. I know they hurt too, they have their own issues, but it really sucks because it makes me feel like they don't believe I hurt as bad as I do.

Anyway. There's only been a few times the pain brought me to tears. It's usually that sharp pain in my leg that does it (pretty sure it's a pinched nerve pero... ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯. I stand still (or on a few memorable occasions fall over) and wait it out and then get about my business, cause what other option is there? Today though? Today was the worst I have felt in a long time.

I was cooking with my mom- something I love to do- but I've noticed lately I find it less and less enjoyable. For some stupid reason it took until today to figure out the pain is why. But anyway. My back really started to ache, but I pushed through. Mom was really hurting too (we think she and I have the same issue- whatever it is), so I just worked through it. I didn't want to leave her to finish all the work by herself. Things were fine, it was honestly a pretty average pain day. But I got up to do the dishes after we ate and a pain in the left side of my back had me sobbing. I couldn't- and still can't- stand upright. I had to have help to get to a chair. The back massager I use when it gets really bad only made it feel like pins and needles. I'm lying in bed afraid to move because the slightest wrong move will have me in tears again.

But the pain isn't what bothers me the most.

I feel useless. I'm so frustrated at the fact I don't know what's going on, let alone how to stop it. I don't know what makes it worse, what makes it better, nada. I have so little energy, some days I don't even want to leave my chair/ bed. I can't go back to the doc for it right now (which is a whole other issue in itself), so I'm left trying to figure out what the fuck is wrong with me. And coming up empty. I hate feeling like this. I hate bending over and constantly worrying if I'll be able to stand back up. I hate walking and having to stop just to let the pain subside. I hate this. I hate this, I hate this, I hate this.

#sorry guys #please ignore me #just frustrated #probably delete later #maggie rambles #chronic pain

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ixmelodix · 1 year ago

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Sollux: Battle

Erisol Week Day 2 - War

[This takes place during the beginning of Chapter 28 (Karkat: Honor), a week or so before the meeting.

Recommended listening: Give Them Hell - Fox Stevenson]

----------------

“ED? What the hell?”

“Can't talk, Sol, gotta go!”

Sollux stared after the seadweller. Why was he carrying a basin? And...

He looked down to see wet footprints on the stone floor. Why the hell was he wet?

Intensely curious, he trailed after Eridan towards the kitchen-

And almost got knocked over as the seadweller barrelled back out, his basin now filled with water and sloshing everywhere.

“Fucking- ED, stop, what the hell are you doing??”

A flash of focus, and red and blue held Eridan in place.

“The fuck, Sol, can't this wait? I gotta-”

“You have to what? What the fuck is going on?”

Eridan kicked at the air. “No time to explain, let me go and you can come with and see, okay?”

Curiosity overrode caution; he set the other down and released the psionics. “...okay?”

As soon as he was freed, Eridan took off again; Sollux followed at the more sedate pace up the stairs out of Sanctuary.

At the top, he finally got his answers.

Full out war was occurring.

On either side of the flat canyon base that extended from Sanctuary's entrance stood two makeshift barriers (which looked like they'd been cobbled together out of some warped wood planks and a couple chairs); behind each barrier crouched trolls, ducking down and popping up to throw something across the no man's land between the barriers.

Eridan skidded to a stop behind the barrier on the left as Sollux paused at the entrance, staying well out of the way of whatever was going on.

He had an answer quickly to what the projectiles were when one hit the barrier Eridan had just gotten behind and splashed open, drenching the normally dry, sandy ground beneath.

Where they'd gotten water balloons, however, was a question he didn't think he would get an answer to.

Sollux watched a moment more as trolls crowded around Eridan's basin with empty balloons to start filling them; another troll from the other side - Sollux recognized her as Crysta, an olive that split her time between working in the garden and helping the specialist miners at the ore vein - came racing towards him with a basin much like the one Eridan had been carrying, empty now of water.

Sollux stepped to one side to let her past.

Everyone out here was clearly having the times of their lives, throwing balloons and taunts back and forth.

Sollux thought for a moment...

Ah, what the hell. Not like there's anything else going on.

A few long strides brought him over to Eridan's basin; he crouched down beside it.

Eridan looked up with a broad grin. “Gonna help out? We could use another person, they outnumber us right now.”

A stray balloon flew over the barrier to spash its contents against the canyon wall behind them; Sollux shielded his face from the backspray.

“Not a hundred percent sure I want to get wet-” he began...

Then a lucky (or unlucky) toss from the other side, lobbed just high enough to get over the wall before coming down, caught him directly on the horn, and Sollux saw red.

“...Okay, fuck that. This is fucking war,” he growled as water dripped down from his face, and Eridan's entire basin was surrounded in red and blue sparks and lifted into the air, floating across the sand.

He heard some swearing from behind the makeshift barrier across the way; he grinned - and promptly dumped the entire thing on the trolls hiding back there.

Yelps and louder swearing met the action as the enemy was drenched; on their side, laughter bubbled up and catcalls flew across no man's land.

Sollux returned the basin to their side, to find Eridan doubled over in laughter.

“Come on, soldier!” he said, nudging the seadweller with his foot. “We need more ammunition out here!”

That only made Eridan laugh harder, but he managed to get himself upright and take the basin to make a run for the kitchen again. He took three balloons on the way - the enemy might be drenched, but they weren't backing down.

Sollux snickered, then turned his attention to the balloons they still had filled on their side and set to sniping any head or arm that popped above the enemy's barrier.

#championfic #aoafic #erisolweek #erisol #a-sides

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whoselabelisitanyway · 2 years ago

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Hello i couldn't help but notice that u offered urself up as a resource for info abt N24 (sorry if i got that wrong, feel free to ignore this.) So as someone who very recently found out abt it and also probably has it, do u have any resources? Links or articles or anything for me to look at? Anything you could/want to share abt it??

Hey! Yes, I'm happy to write about my experience with N24. (It's not fun, but it's reality for many people.) The sad thing is that I don't actually have many online resources as far as articles and such. A quick internet search showed me Non-24-Hour Sleep Wake Disorder: Definition and Causes | Sleep Foundation which seemed to be a good overview (more articles linked at the bottom of the page). It's very clear that there hasn't been enough research done in a practical sense, though. Treatment options are few, and there aren't any that are at all flexible. Which, I'll just say it, sucks.

For me personally, my N24 is pretty severe, with my days lasting about 30 hours or such, so that I'm awake for something like 20 hours at a time. None of the treatment options presented to me (melatonin and/or light therapy) were effective (I have unusual environmental factors against me, though). That doesn't mean you shouldn't try them, IMHO - but I would caution you against accepting whatever sedatives doctors are handing out these days. If that's their initial reaction/treatment advise, ask them if that medication is approved and tested effective for long term usage. (It won't be - if I'm wrong, lmk, because I'd like to be wrong.)

Lastly, I'll tell you a bit about how I got my diagnosis. The biggest factor was a comprehensive sleep diary. Sometimes they'll ask you to do a sleep study as well, to rule out other sleep disorders. A sleep diary is crucial in helping the specialist evaluate the progressive time changes in your sleep patterns. I recommend getting a low-cost sports watch (with a small profile so it's comfortable to sleep in) if you don't already have one. That was a huge help to me when I was documenting my sleep patterns.

I hope that helps! I wish I could give you better news, but I do believe it's preferable to know what you're dealing with than to not - even if it's not something with an easy fix. Let me know if you have any other questions - I am not a sleep doctor or physician, but I can speak to the realities of living with N24. If I can help others at all, I like to. Good luck!

#n24 #non 24 #chronic sleep deprivation #circadian rhythm disorder #non-24 sleep disorder #living with N24 #living with sleep disorder #sleep disorder #n24swd #N24 sleep wake disorder #answered question

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montmartrasse · 1 year ago

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hi, different anon here. i'm interested in what you have to say so i've done the homework you assigned. to preface, i have no experience with dogs

reasons you listed for using bubbly language:

a. preventing stigma around rescues to gain public support and donations. i think this is a fine thing to do

b. saying that a dog prefers to be alone is the same as saying it won't get along with other dogs. and you say here that it is my problem if i can't understand that, ok i get that

2. how i would deal with my pet developing unwanted behavioral issues:

i would contact the shelter i got it from, and maybe a specialist. using your example of fear based reactivity, i would at first remove whatever is causing the fear if possible, and then follow the instructions of the shelter and specialist afterwards.

Your reasons for using bubbly language are fine. the problem arises though when you use language that is straight up lying. to use your example, if you are marketing a dog as a "monogamous mutt", i am not going to know that another accurate label for it would be "aggressive murder machine". that is not an issue of reading comprehension, and it is not something i can google. the adjective "monogamous" does not in any way suggest a tendency for violence.

let's say that i've seen a dog at your shelter that i like the look and sound of from how you market it. the description includes the phrase "monogamous mutt", and i don't know what that means, so I ask your shelter about it. you said that the shelter would give me full info about it, so i trust that you'd tell me that "monogamous mutt" means behavioral issues and aggression. again, no way of knowing that in advance, i would feel deceived and less trusting of your shelter as a whole. but perhaps the dog looks really good to me, and i think i can handle it. i am not a dog person, you would deem me not qualified, so if i have this right, you would just reject me from adopting the dog you marketed to me. that would really sting, and i probably wouldn't go to your shelter again. maybe you'd recommend other dogs, but those dogs aren't the one i specifically came to your shelter for. i think the deceptive marketing should just be avoided

maybe my reading comprehension isn't good enough, maybe your shelter isn't actually using the term "monogamous mutt" to market aggressive dogs, but there definitely are shelters that are. one example, there are multiple others online: https://patch.com/maryland/fallston/goober-dog-week-humane-society-harford-county

last few things:

you recommend that non-dog people shouldn't be adopting. then a large subset of people you are marketing an aggressive dog to are people who already have dogs in their homes

i repeatedly use the example of "monogamous mutt". perhaps you consider that cherrypicking, but i am using it because you brought it up and it is the one that there is a problem with

thanks for the homework! congratulations on choosing the correct approach when it comes to your pet developing unwanted behavioral issues.

i used the monogamous mutt as the repeated example because it was genuinely funny to me. too bad that the shelter you linked, and maybe the others use that phrase - i dont love it, and wouldn't use it about my non-dog-friendly fosters. my shelter uses much more straightforward but still 'flowery' language, some examples are: prefers to be the only dog in the house, doesn't get along well with other dogs, should be the only dog in the house, prefers to be an only child etc

non-dog people shouldnt be adopting dogs =/= every dog person has a dog in their homes: that's not true. for multiple reasons - one: when i say non-dog people, i mean people who are not interested in dogs, who havent done any research, who are not willing to do any research, who only want a dog bc its cute, etc etc. also a lot of dog savvy people are/can be dogless - i am one, as i at the moment focus on fostering and dont have the capacity to adopt one, or there are dog savvy people who lost their dog and would adopt another one, dog savvy people who had family dogs now looking to adopt their own, who work with dogs (trainers, vets etc) so its just, yknow, "a large subset of people you are marketing an aggressive dog to are people who already have dogs in their homes" not correct. also Very dog savvy people with dogs at home can still adopt dogs with dog aggression - with proper introduction, training, resources etc, dog aggression can be 'fixed' - its not a death sentence. we have many aggressive dogs that became 2nd dogs. my friend's adopted dog (from my shelter) is dog aggressive in /general/, but she spends a lot of time with my fosters because we can handle that situation. its rare to find adopters who can go through this, but its not non existent

you'd feel disappointed if the dog you want is described as monogamous mutt and you learn that its aggressive and also would get rejected, another disappointment - lets say that scenario unfolds, im sorry, thats kind of all i can say. we have to sometimes choose the lesser of two evils (is that the right phrase?) if our flowery language use is going to cause us 1 adoption but will bring 2 donations through our socials - we will pick that, we cant control people's emotions. also qualifying to adopt is not just about having a dog before but a lot of other things - prev experience, sure, but also financial stability, your housing situation, social life, active life, job security, knowledge about dog training costs/vet costs, etc.

let me know if i missed anything or if anything is unclear. i like you, feel free to also dm me off anon, you seem to be able to have a civil discussion

#asks

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antspaul · 10 months ago

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🥤🌿🔪🧸

🥤 ⇢ recommend an author or fanfic you love

hmmmmm for this one i'll recommend a relatively recent bookmark!

It's just not what's done by @player1064 ! It's a Carraville fic in which Gary Neville comes out as gay in the late 90s, but no one cares because it's Gary LOL. It's a fun oneshot that captures Gary and Jamie's voices (and humor) quite well, and in my opinion is also sensitive to the undercurrent of homophobia, both internalized and external, that would presumably exist even if others didn't give much thought to a specific player's coming out.

🌿 ⇢ give some advice on writer's block and low creativity

depending on how major the block is, here are some things that i do when i'm having trouble putting words on paper:

talk through the scene/story with a friend (BEST advice i could give, more helpful than everything else on this list combined)

take a break from the computer and write it out by hand, or at least sketch out some of the dialogue

do a little research (INCREDIBLY dangerous if you are me, and are susceptible to the Research Vortex and tend to waste entire nights fixating on say, where the england nt was staying during the september 2003 intl break in manchester - but can be useful if you're struggling to visualize a scene's setting or feel otherwise ill prepared to write a scene requiring a degree of specialist knowledge)

if you're really burnt out on writing, revisiting the source material can give you a boost of energy in reminding you why you like the thing you're writing about

take a walk (or do something with your hands). no more staring at the screen for the next hour, and getting out of your house can provide you with inspiration at unexpected times

put the project on hold and use the time to read something of high quality

shower, wash your hair, eat, generally do whatever you need to do to physically reset

this is the lamest answer ever, and believe me i HATE that it works, but sometimes when i'm feeling really uncreative, it's because i need more sleep. horrible, i'm aware. i'll spend a few nights prioritizing sleep (and maybe reading something good right before bed) and then i'll find it's easier to focus (along with all the other benefits of better sleep lol)

write something kind of shitty anyways and then revisit it a bit later with the idea that you can just delete it if you don't like it. but even a small start can usually help give you an idea of where you want to take a scene/project

i know that's a lot of advice hahaha! i used to be a writing tutor & thought a lot about where certain blocks come from and how to address them. the best thing is to have a lot of tools in your writing arsenal that allow you to build a writing process that meets you where you're at!

thank you for your ask, anon <3

Writers Truth & Dare Ask Game

#my fic #ask game

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chrisbannor · 11 months ago

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531

Chapter 14: Complications

Author: Chris Bannor

Rain fell through the Skylines and brought the grime and dust from the upper levels to the Builds. It would rain blood-red on the streets of the Piles, but Wu DaQi had no need to drive through the muck of the lower levels. If he couldn’t see a doctor from the company, he’d prefer to go to the Skylines for help, but he didn’t trust that Mann Enterprises wasn’t watching. Instead, he headed to the lower levels where he could easily evade their eyes. His informants gave him the name of a specialist they claimed was the best in the Builds. DaQi did his research though and the physician wasn’t connected with Mann or any of its umbrella companies.

When he entered the clinic, it was as clean as the offices he was used to visiting. The reception wasn’t as fancy as something he’d find in the upper-level clinics, but it was sufficient to his needs. DaQi walked up to the front desk and smiled at the man behind it.

The guy looked up from his display screen and his mouth dropped open as he looked at DaQi. DaQi ignored his reaction. “I need to speak with the doctor today.”

The man licked his bottom lip and nodded, swallowing visibly. “Let me ask if he’s available for walk-ins today.”

He stood to go back to the doctor’s office, but DaQi touched his wrist. The man gaped at him in surprise. “I’ll pay whatever fees he asks for an immediate appointment.” The receptionist looked at where DaQi touched his wrist and DaQi smiled again. “I would be grateful. Thank you.”

He dropped his hand and stepped away, letting the man hurry away to the back.

DaQi walked to the windows and looked out at the downpour. The rain drowned out the sound of anything else in the city, drumming on the rooftops as it continued its journey. He twitched his head to the side as ghostly lips pressed behind his right ear. He could almost hear words, but no matter how he listened, they never came.

It didn’t come often, this ghost, but it was one of the only things he thought of as his own. He had no memories, no past, but the ghost claimed him when he least expected it. It was just whimsy, an overactive imagination trying to give him something he craved, but some days he wondered.

He’d been wondering a lot since he met 531.

DaQi heard the slide of shoes behind him, and he turned. “The doctor said he’ll see you now.”

DaQi followed the man past the front lobby and towards the back of the office. He passed rooms on either side but only two were open. He heard moaning coming from one but refused to look.

When they reached an empty office he sat on a stool in the center of the room. The receptionist walked to the door but stopped and turned back to him. The man opened his mouth but before he could speak the doctor came in. “I’ve got it,” he said, dismissing the receptionist.

He left with a final glance back at DaQi. The doctor eyed him for a moment before he closed the door behind him. “I’m Dr. Warner. I was told you needed to see me immediately.”

“I’m sorry for the urgency. I have something I need you to look into and I can’t wait.”

“What is your problem, Mister?”

“Anonymous. I’ll pay double the fees to keep it that way.”

“I’ll need proof of payment upfront before I do any work.”

“I understand.”

“Then what is your problem, Mr. Smith?”

DaQi gave him a grateful smile and nodded. “I was told I had a sensory augmentation procedure three months ago that caused massive memory loss. I’m not certain my current doctor is doing everything he can to repair my memories. I want you to look at the augmentation and give me your assessment and treatment recommendations.”

The doctor came forward and pulled a tray of tools and a stool next to DaQi. He snapped his fingers and the lights on the wall flew forward to give illumination to the source of the noise. “I’ll take a look, then we’ll talk about payment,” the doctor comments as he sat down.

DaQi closed his eyes and concentrated on the feel of fingers in his hair.

“I see the seam here. It’s very delicate. Whoever did the procedure has a fine hand.”

Dr. Warner snapped his fingers again and the lights whirled into motion. He heard the scrape of a tool being picked up and took a deep breath. He could feel the prick and pull of something on his scalp and in his hair, but there wasn’t pain. The odd sensation made him want to squirm, but he held still.

“What the hell?”

The doctor jumped out of his seat and stepped back, causing his stool to roll out from behind him. DaQi looked up and the doctor was staring at him.

“What happened?”

The doctor shook his head, his eyes wide. His heart was racing and he licked his lips.“This … this isn’t…”

“What? Tell me what’s wrong?” .

“This is beyond me. I can’t help you.”

“What’s wrong with me?” DaQi demanded.

“I know someone. I can’t do this, but I know a doctor who might be able to help you.”

“What are you talking about?”

“This isn’t augmentation,” Dr. Warner said, shaking his head. “It’s … more complex. I don’t know how to start deciphering what I’ve seen, and it was just one port. If you want to find out what they did to you, I’ll give you the name of another doctor. She can help you. If anyone can.”

Warner came back to the stool and fixed the port he’d opened before he held his hand out, showing an information port opened in his finger. DaQi opened the information port on his arm to accept it.

“Atieno Obuo. She’s in the Piles, but she’s the best there is. If anyone can sort out what happened to you, it will be her.”

The doctor backed off again and DaQi was left reeling. “What do I owe you?”

The doctor pointed to the door. “Just leave and don’t tell anyone you came here.”

He’d come for answers, but this just gave him more questions. DaQi left, rubbing his hand over the port the doctor had opened. Warner’s reaction should have terrified him, but he was largely relieved to know that there was something to investigate. He wasn’t losing his mind. He wasn’t crazy for listening to the things 531 had said to him. He decided to lay low for a few hours. If the doctor’s reaction was anything to go by, Dr. Obuo wouldn’t be happy to see him either.

He took his bike and drove to an old storage unit that he’d found abandoned on his first case back. It was empty now, so he parked his bike inside and pulled up the display on his forearm. He needed to know who this Dr. Obuo was, why someone with her skills was in the Piles, and if she could really help him?

Author's Note: Wow, a doctor who doesn't charge and doesn't want you to come back? We've met Dr. Obuo before. Do you think she'll send Wu DaQi packing as well? Or does she have something to tell him?

#531 #cyberpunk #mm scifi #lgbt fiction #lgbt scifi #chris bannor

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the2amrevolution · 1 year ago

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Me: my primary care doctor is pretty helpful and listens when I'm in her office, but she is slow to get back to me about things, doesn't read portal messages until an appointment is set, doesn't respond to disability services or my student loan servicer about more info on paperwork she filled out for me, her receptionist told me I wasn't allowed to schedule an appointment one time, and she's now refusing to fill out a form about how my overall health disables me because some specific symptoms get managed by other doctors.

Me: Oh. She doesn't actually believe I'm as disabled as I am and has just been trying to pacify me hoping I'll give up my "act" and just be better somehow. Or that another doctor will take on the responsibility of treating all of me even though all of the patient is literally primary cares job. That way she doesn't have to do any work to help me and can just see me once a year, run standard tests, and send me on my way like most patients. I bet her other patients all also get just sent to whatever specialist even when the issue is something she could diagnose and treat without wasting time waiting on referrals and other appointments. Most of my prescriptions I've gotten through her were either recommended by a different doctor, originally prescribed by a different doctor, or something that she had samples for/have massive advertising and pharmaceutical rep budgets. What a cunt. I hope starbucks gets all her and her staff's orders wrong.

#my life #disability #medicine #i found a real substantial lead and now its over for all these lazy fuckers #because Im not going to let this go and let the world keep neglecting us

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messinabuildersblog · 2 years ago

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solocupent · 2 years ago

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How to Produce Music for Professional Sounds

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vivi-the-goblin · 3 years ago

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5e Mechanic Variant

I'll admit I don't have every book, nor have I played a ton of systems (6 in total), so I might've just reinvented something that exists. I haven't heard of it though, and its been successful in the sessions I tried it in. It's a variant on 5e's group skill checks. When the group is trying to do something together, instead of a DC 15 four times, you'd do a DC 15 times four, so DC 60. The players add their results together and see if they can beat the DC. What this does is let the players who specialized in a skill help the others out, instead of rolling a 25 and it being functionally the same as a 15. In my opinion there are two primary types of skill checks that can benefit from this. The first is "everyone succeeds or we fail" For instance stealth, the paladin clanking behind might not get YOU caught but it will kill the stealth section. Doesn't matter if you got double the DC, you can either go it alone (killing session pacing and abandoning the party) or you can end stealth. Plus everyone is actively looking for you now, so you might suddenly get found anyway. Now the rogue is showing them the proper path or making small distractions to cover the barbarian's stumble. You don't have party members who feel like they failed everyone, and it gives benefit for specializing because you can help the party. The second is in team checks. Lets say the barbarian wants to topple a stone pillar or push a giant boulder down a hill. He could get advantage from the help action 10 times over, it's not going to make him able to move 4000 lbs of stone. This lets you say "It's like a DC 80, this thing's huge. Then the party gets together and keeps trying (I set a limit on times you can try a strength check before exhaustion) before finally getting that 26+18+14+22 and succeeding. It also lets them know something's technically possible without letting it be within easy reach, giving them a sort of puzzle on how to reach that goal (getting help, using pulleys for advantage, etc) The closest thing I know of this in 5e is "If half the people make it everyone does", but I find this works better. The basic reason is "You work together and overcome the DC 80 skill check" sounds impressive and feels like everyone contributed to a difficult goal nobody could accomplish on their own. "ok cool, the two specialists passed so we'll just call it a win" makes me feel like you shouldn't have bothered asking everyone to roll, just make it a single person check if my roll is just meaningless.

The more complicated reason- it gives the specialized players a reason to continue their specialization. Think of the Rogue, for an easy example. They chose the sneak class to be good at sneaking, right? well now they're level 11, and they don't get to play anymore. They can't roll lower than a 10 and even a CR 30 can't find them without proficiency in perception. The fun minigame they built a character around becomes "I'd like to-" "Don't bother, you're in the next room now, moving on." Future stealth bonuses don't functionally do much. Also your ranger's still angry because they have high stealth too but don't get to use it. With this model, keep buffing your stealth, disguise, whatever, it still helps! It lets you lower the effective DC for your friends. And other people who are proud of their score but don't get to use it because you're better? Well they're really useful now too! Use a group deception to infiltrate, the bard patching holes in the fighter's story. Group acrobatics to make that leap, the others benefitting from having a perfect example to copy and someone to correct their form. Sure, in some cases it's not that functionally different from base rule, but it just feels better to me. I recommend at least trying out something like this. It has worked great for me so far.

#dnd 5e #dnd 5e homebrew #5e homebrew #5e #homebrew #5e variant rules

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lollytea · 2 years ago

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What are your thoughts on Luz bringing the hexsquad to school for them to check it out? What would they enjoy, what would bamboozle them, would they absolutely have to sneak in like Luz had to Hexside?

Asgdhjkl Luz is only one person and Willow and Gus still got caught sneaking her in. Imagine Luz's efforts to discreetly smuggle in four kids, all of whom have a bad habit of being....peculiar by human standards. It would be hard not to arouse suspicion.

Leaving for school in the mornings is hard for Luz cuz they linger in the doorway with their big sad eyes. They miss her not being around.

I could see them longing to explore Luz's school. Their curiosity to see what she does all day is insatiable. It's only Gus that's shameless enough to beg. He'll wait at the door to ambush her. He'll spit out his pitch rapid-fire as to why Augustus Porter should attend human school for a day. He negotiates and he bargains his ass off until eventually he is on the floor, gripping Luz's ankles, pleading.

Hunter takes this moment to pop up and say "I don't recommend taking Gus to school with you. Who knows the kind of trouble he could get himself into."

"Exactly! Thank you, Hunter!" Luz exclaims trying to shake Gus off her leg. "It's too risky to just-"

"Unless!" Hunter powers on. "He was supervised. By somebody older. Somebody responsible. Somebody who knows how to handle him."

Luz is thoroughly unamused.

Hunter blushes "Somebody liiiike...."

"Me!" Declares Willow, scaring Hunter out of skin as she suddenly appears next to him. "Once Gus's hyperactivity contaminates Hunter's brain and you know it will, you'll need somebody to supervise both of them."

"You're not coming either, Willow. I'm sorry."

"Aw man..."

"Guys, you gotta stop bugging Luz about this. If she's gonna bring anyone to school with her, it's gonna be her girlfriend."

"Amity..."

"We could hold hands in the hallway 🥺"

"Don't do this to me, sweet potato..."

See THIS is why they're all huddled around an ipad here

They get restless when Camila and Luz are gone for the day so they give them a screen that mezmerises them until they get back so so they're not inclined to go stirring up a ruckus.

Anyway in the chance that they DO get to explore the school, I figure they'd be enthused but bewildered.

I'm kinda drawing a blank on the big things that would confuse them cuz for the most part Hexside is very similar to a regular human school. They have a bell, an intercom, lockers, clubs, ridiculous teen drama. So they're accustomed to a lot of stuff.

I think the biggest thing that the kids just cannot wrap their heads around is the lack of Boiling Isles flair.

"So you guys have a grom..."

"It's called prom actually."

"Right, right, but there's no monster to fight??"

"Exactly."

"Then what's the fucking point???"

I don't think any of the kids can fathom that sports can exist without magic. They're fucking gobsmacked to learn about human sports. Like?? No chance of dying?? No annihilating the opposite team with offensive spells?? What do they even do then??

I think, despite the initial confusion, it would fascinate both Willow and Hunter and they would stick around to watch a football or basketball practise or whatever Luz's school's main sport is. I think Hunter would be interested in any activity that makes you look awesome and badass without needing magic, while Willow just thinks it's really cool and innovative how the game revolves entirely around your strength and speed and stamina. As somebody who loves working out, she can appreciate that.

I could see Amity being really intrigued by whatever business is going on in the science lab. Chemistry specifically. Being an abomination specialist, she'd be eager to mix some weird human shit around and see if she can bring something to life. Luz is pretty sure she can't do that so it's safe to just let her at it, but also keeps an eye on her just in case.

Gus just...Gus loves everything because of course he does. Goes apeshit over a GLOBE. Willow, Hunter fucking LOOK AT THIS!! THIS IS A DIORAMA OF THE WHOLE HUMAN REALM!!! AND IT SPINS!!!!

Sees a poster of the whole solar system and loses his entire goddamn mind.

Stumbles upon the library and gets kicked out after ten minutes for squealing and yelling from the overload of human culture everywhere but it was the greatest ten minutes of his life.

Gus discovers whiteboards and markers and learns that you can scribble all over the board and then wipe it off. He's amazed. He has his fun with it until the marker dries up.

Once he finally wanders back to the rest of the gang, he informs them that he has joined the chess club, the DnD club and the anime club. No, he does not know what any of these things are but he's enthusiastic.

Hunter, meanwhile, has been staring at an algebraic equation on a whiteboard for the last hour now. He doesn't understand what kind of code it is but he's determined to figure it out.

Luz is like "You really don't know math?"

"I can count. But what does math have to do with this?"

"Hunter...buddy...this is human math..."

"No way..."

"Yeah way."

"Why the fuck are there letters in it???"

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