#aoafic

[ixmelodix]

Happy new year everyone! :) Here, have a nice big chunk of preview for Rising Star... the beginning of the Disciple's Book!

----------------------------------------------

A Foreword

Dear reader,

As I'm sure you're aware, in your hands you hold one of only a very few recreations of the Disciple's Book: the tale of the Signless and the only true, original source we have of his words and teachings.

In this recreation, I have done my very best to remain as faithful to the original as possible, but some allowances must be made. The text of the actual Book is not the easiest thing to read, after all these centuries: the original Book is physically ancient, of course, but in addition to that, the language it is written in is archaic compared to the Alternian we speak today.

For this reason, this recreation is no small amount 'translation'; while I have done my best to make it as accurate to the original texts as possible, there are some words and phrases for which we simply do not know a definition, and must make our best guesses based off the context and other, similar words.

There is, of course, a great deal of debate surrounding all of this, as there must be with anything from so long ago, of whether to copy it directly, or to 'translate' it, or to do both and include all possible definitions for the best chance at finding the 'correct' one; but my hope is that a simplified 'translation' such as I have chosen to create will make the Disciple's words - and through them, the Signless's - more accessible to more people. I will leave the haranguing over specific word choices to the scholars.

In this translation, when there are words for which the definition is unclear, I have given the most commonly accepted guesses at their meanings in brackets; for phrases, I have chosen to use a literal translation of the words, even if it doesn't make much sense in modern Alternian.

If this is your first time seeing these texts, please, read with an open mind and a welcoming heart. Some of the ideas presented by the Signless are quite radical, and this work may not be the easiest or most understandable introduction, but it is the closest thing that we have to the Signless's actual words. If you have trouble understanding or coming to grips with a concept, I recommend you bring it up to whoever has introduced you to this work; if they are not able to help you, they will likely know who can.

This recreation of the Disciple's Book has been my life's work. It is my hope that it will bring the Signless's words to life for you, as reading her Book did for me so long ago.

And so, as the Signless said:

Go with love, and love will carry you.

-DC

-------------------

This is a true tale of brotherhood and love.

This is a true tale of the way lives were changed.

This is the story of my brother and of our family.

This is the story of the Signless.

Long and ago, when I was only three molts a wriggler, I watched a night fall alone, for only the nightfall before I had found my lusus broken and bleeding unto death. And that was the darkest and blackest night I had ever known, and I was frightened and alone; and though my lusus had taught me to fend for myself, I felt all was hopeless, for what is a wriggler without their lusus, especially one as young as I?

But a young mind can only sit in [idleness/silence] for so long, and an empty stomach is a powerful motivator; and so, though I was afraid and alone and felt all was hopeless, I still set out from my cave-home once dusk had fully settled.

And I wandered for much of the night, seeking the tracks of prey my lusus had taught me to find; but I was young, and inexperienced, and grief-stricken, and I found nothing that night and had to return to my cave-home hungry and ever more alone.

And the next night I tried again; but again I found no prey and nothing with which to fill my empty stomach, for it was deep in winter and the prey hid through the long nights and all the plants I knew slept in the cold.

And the next night looked to take the same course; and hungry and alone and afraid I wandered the forest, resolving not to return to my cave-home until I had found something, for I thought it better to die of the cold than to waste slowly away from starvation.

But that night was fated not to be the same as the others, for it was on that night that he found me.

And he was small, when he came upon me huddled in the bushes, and had a ready smile and a readier hand to extend in help; and when he found me, though I hissed and bared my teeth and snarled to drive away one who I thought might be a predator to me, he only waited until I, with little energy to spare, tired. And then, when I had no strength left with which to protect myself, he did not attack; he only asked my name.

And I did not trust him; how could I, when all my life I had known that any others I found would be, at best, [competition/rivals], and at worst, a true enemy seeking only my death? For my lusus had been the only friendly face I had ever known, and he warned me long and again of the perils of trusting.

And so I did not trust this troll who knelt next to me, and I said nothing, and bared my teeth again at him. But he was not afraid, and he was not deterred; and as I would not give my name, he asked instead if I was hungry. And I thought this to be a cruel jest, and drew my strength together to snarl at him, but he held up his hands and told me, “Peace, sister! I mean no ill.”

And I did not believe him, but he found from within his robes a wrapped package, and he placed it on the ground in front of me for I would not take it from him; and then he rose and backed away, so that I felt safe to take it and that he would not take advantage of my distraction to attack.

And I was very hungry, and the package smelled strongly of food, and I was only a young wriggler, alone and scared; so once he had backed away, I fell upon the package as though I were truly feral. And I devoured every last crumb within the package, and he watched from a distance, until at last it was gone.

And then he approached again; and I watched him warily, for my lusus had raised me to never trust anyone, but I was young and alone and my lusus had gone where I could not follow, and this wriggler was at least as young as I, and smaller than I, and showed no indication he intended to attack, and he had given me the first food I had had since my lusus had gone, and I could not keep myself [apart/isolated/aloof].

And so when he knelt beside me again, and again asked my name, this time I gave it. And he smiled, and greeted me by name; and he gave me his, and I greeted him by name; and I felt already a bond beginning to grow between us.

And he asked me where I lived, and who with; and though I wept I told him of my cave-home, and of my lusus who had gone where I could not follow; and when he did not scold me or take advantage or seek to [overcome/cull] me for the weakness I displayed, I felt braver, and I told him of the nights that had passed since. And he looked as near to weeping as I was when I told him of the nights I could not find food, and I did not understand why he would be distressed, and he could not explain to me in a way I understood.

And he told me, “Come with me to my Mother, for she will protect you and raise you as she does me, and you will never face another night with an empty stomach.”

And I did not believe him, but I wanted to, and I had nowhere else to go; for had I not already consigned myself to die of the cold that very night should I not find food? And I had not found food, but it had been given to me; and so I believed it was either [fate/destiny], or [miracle/luck], and either way I should go with him as he asked, for the worst I believed could happen was my own death, with which I had already made peace.

And so when he rose and offered to me his hand, I took it; and he led me through the forest a long way, until we reached a cave I had never seen before. And he kept my hand, and led me inside; and I expected to face his lusus, but there was no white beast in sight.

“Mother!” he called into the cave; and thus I discovered he had no lusus, for the one who responded to his call was no lusus but a troll.

For he travelled with the one he called Mother, she who was jade; and it was explained to me that she was all the lusus he had ever had, for he was a mutant who would have been culled at hatching but for her intervention, and no lusus would have ever taken him. So it was that she [played/acted] the lusus to him, and took care of him, and protected him; and when he explained what he had learned of me to her and asked her for her help, she agreed. And so I became part of what he called his family - just her and him, to begin, and now me.

And nights passed by, and nights passed by, and together we grew, from third molt to fourth, and so on. And those molts were the only time we saw other trolls besides our family - for we had no cocoons to ourselves - though Mother Dolorosa kept us well away from them and we stayed only as long as our molts required before retreating back into the forest.

And nights passed by, and nights passed by, and together we lived and learned from each other and loved each other in a way no troll before us had done, for we had formed a family, a thing outside of the nature of trolls: mother and children, sister and brother we were together, words taken from the words for beasts for no words existed for trolls that described our bonds. And together we lived in harmony.

And nights passed by, and nights passed by, and all was good.

[ageofaquarius-fic]

Champion's playlist has been cross-posted to Spotify!

[ixmelodix]

Oh my god these are amazing??? <333 Thank you so much!

some eridans from champion by @ixmelodix aka one of the best erisol fics out there. cheers

i really want to draw eridan with how i pictured his worn out clothes and stuff. maybe someday! i also want to draw some of the fantrolls featured in there because holy shit dude i love ALL of them, especially aletta and marrok they r so cool so cool.....

[ixmelodix]

On: Horns

In AoA's universe, horns are bone - very strong bone - and therefore extremely difficult to injure. They have very few nerves; the base of the horn, where it attaches to the skull, is sensitive due to the nerves clustered in the skin bordering it, but the rest of the length is pretty much entirely insensate. Some nerves exist in the marrow - most of them pretty close to the head - but the bone around them really prevents anything activating those nerves.

Different trolls react differently to the skin around the base of the horn being stimulated, but it is often an intense feeling regardless of how it is received (typical reactions are to find it painful, arousing, or relaxing, but it varies greatly). It is pretty much taboo for any troll outside quadrantmates to touch this area, though touching elsewhere on the head or the horns is perfectly normal.

It is possible to break a horn, but it's very difficult to do so accidentally, as they are frequently as strong as - or in some cases, stronger than - a femur (the strongest bone in the human body). Obviously, the thinner the horn, the less strong/sturdy they are and the more likely they are to be significantly damaged; however, larger/thicker horns are more likely to be non-significantly damaged and marred, often by chips, as the troll feels no need to be careful with something that doesn't hurt when it runs into things (such as doorways, cabinets, trees, etc.).

A horn broken relatively near the base will hurt greatly, as the marrow is exposed and the nerves within damaged; the further along a break occurs, however, the less it is likely to hurt. Branches often have little to no nerves in them at all, even in the marrow; some trolls may not even realize a branch has broken off at all until they see themselves in a mirror. Partial fractures or chipped horns are more common than actual breaks; these may cause some permanent visible scarring or marred horns, but rarely interfere with the horn's stability as a whole. Depending on how deep a partial fracture goes and where it's located, it will probably hurt; chips and surface damage almost never do.

It is possible to heal a broken horn if the pieces are able to be held together and the troll is tended to by a doctor experienced with horns within a short period of time of the break; as this generally doesn't happen, however, horn breaks are usually permanent. Horns do not regrow missing parts, even with molting, though the rest of the horn generally continues to grow as normal. Molting frequently appears to heal small chips and scarring (in reality, the horn grows, spreads the damage out, and 'smooths out' the scarring so it's less visible). The less the horn grows, the less this effect is seen.

Horns are considered an important part of a troll's identity; no two trolls' horns will be identical. (Though many may look alike; there is some argument that a true descendant will share the horns of their ancestor, but as an ancestor and descendant cannot coexist and still be known as such, it is unproven.) As such, trolls are often straight up defined and identified by their horns, usually before even blood color. Major horn damage - especially if both sides are damaged or the horns were previously asymmetrical - frequently leads to misidentification and the troll in question not being immediately or easily recognized by others, even close friends or quadrantmates, even if the rest of their physical appearance hasn't changed.

Major horn damage can cause mental repercussions like depression and panic; even loss of limbs or other body parts does not distress a troll as much as horn damage can, with how heavily tied to their very identity a troll's horns are.

Larger horns are, culturally, often seen as better; trolls like Karkat with very small horns are frequently made fun of, usually in the form of comparing them to wriggers (if medium-small) or grubs (if very small). Trolls with particularly impressive horns are often considered to be more powerful, more aggressive, and more attractive.

Both heavily-marred horns and pristine horns are approved of in adults, especially older ones - the former indicating aggression and prowess at survival, the latter indicating power and strength. Wrigglers and young adults tend to be impressed with marred horns as well, but often view pristine ones as the troll being weak, cowardly, or childish. Lightly marred horns are less well regarded across the board.

[ixmelodix]

Ohhh are the fics still being continued?

they are! planned, anyway. life's been kicking my ass and i haven't had energy/motivation to write, but i promise i haven't forgotten or abandoned it <3

[ixmelodix]

On: Ancestors

Trolls who share the same sign are considered to be ancestors/descendants; a 'direct' ancestor/descendant is the immediately previous or following (respectively) troll to have that sign.

Not every troll has - or at least, is aware of - any ancestors; particularly with the Condesce's limitation of history, very few trolls are even remembered as having existed. As such, the concept of ancestors is a pretty minor one in troll society for most, and almost no research has been done into it; so most of the information in this post is technically from beyond the fourth wall.

Ancestors/descendants actually exist on a scale. 'True' ancestors/descendants share at least significant portions of their genetics (including mutations and abilities) - but as the lusus system for determining signs is imprecise at best and there are exponentially fewer lusii species than there are possible blood shades, trolls may share the same sign but not be strongly genetically related, if at all. Furthermore, the amount of genetics they may share can vary even when the blood caste is almost identical, though the closer any pair is in precise shade, the more likely they are to share genetics - most, if not all, physical/psionic differences between trolls who share an exact blood shade (which is actually nearly impossible; the hemospectrum is, after all, a spectrum, not a countable list of colors) come solely from mutations in the genes on the part of the descendant.

Some of the canon ancestors are closer to 'true' ancestors than others (for instance, the Disciple and Nepeta, the Executor and Equius, and the Psiioniic and Sollux) while others are farther (Eridan and Dualscar, Tavros and the Summoner, and Karkat and the Signless - who are, despite both being 'mutants', actually not all that close in shade). The closer the genetic code (the closer to 'true' they are), the more physical/psionic attributes they share (e.g. Sollux/Psiioniic's eyes and psionics). This also applies to general, genetically-based body type/height, hair, and things like left/right-handedness.

Horns are an interesting case, however - there is some evidence to suggest that the lusus-grub bond actually modifies the genetic coding for the horns, causing trolls raised by the same species (technical ancestors/descendants) to share horn types whether or not they are close to 'true' ancestors/descendants, and regardless of how the troll's horns might have grown naturally… if, indeed, they even would (without a lusus bond) grow beyond, say… small nubs. ;)

The higher-blooded a troll, the more likely they are to consider ancestors (and ancestral heritage - the status of a troll being dependent on their ancestor's status) to be important. Many trolls either do not have ancestors, or do not have ones that were important enough for any knowledge of them to exist in modern times, especially lower-blooded trolls.

Higher-blooded trolls (most notably violets, whose ancestral records, kept at the Academy, span centuries) often keep records of ancestry (although, with the Condesce's interest in preventing historical knowledge, these records often consist of little more than the existence of the ancestor - usually simply by listing title(s) alongside the signname, often not even including their hatchname - and maybe a few, non-time-period-specific blurbs about their importance). Actual genetic similarity matters not at all for these kinds of records; all that is important for them is that the lusus-based sign/signname matches.

There are no particular legal rights, repercussions, or even acknowledgement regarding ancestors/descendants. Culturally, the concept (and assigning importance to it) is seen as somewhat elitist and rather superstitious; many highbloods (particularly violets) put a great deal of stock in it, but others - and most lowbloods - think of it as pointless and unimportant. There is much less difference noted in these viewpoints based on age than there is based on blood color or status (most lowbloods, regardless of age, consider it pointless; most violets, regardless of age, regard it as important). This is likely due entirely to social factors, as no importance is placed on it in formal, legal education.

[ixmelodix]

Thank you o/////o

A lot of the music stuff I already have in my library, but I do go searching for music sometimes when I don't have something that fits. I don't really know how to describe it any better than that?

And when you get home you'll have another chapter to read ;) It's going up very very shortly.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

@ixmelodix how are you so GOOD, oh my GOG, this chapter was beautiful and sad and wonderful and I just have no words to communicate how much I felt reading it, it's so so so good and bad and sad and just *everything*, I loved it, so so much, I rarely cry at fanfics, but this made me bawl internally and silently cry on the outside, once I'm home I'm going to have a screaming match with a mirror and then proceed to make my bf read it and then proceed to babble on about it to the guy Im usually yelling about this fic shdvdbdhshshhs

Also THE MUSIC man it's so perfect where do u get it ohmygod

[ixmelodix]

Sollux: Climb

Erisol Week Day 7 - Ascend

[This one got long, whoops ^^;

This takes place just before Chapter 9 (Sollux: Hope).

Recommended listening: Touch the Sky (feat. Matt Wertz) - Generdyn]

-----------

“Have you ever been up there?”

Eridan looked up to where Sollux was pointing. “Up... what, on the mast?”

“Yeah. There's a platform up there, isn't there?”

“The crow's nest. It's not a 'platform'.”

Sollux stuck his tongue out at the seadweller; Eridan rolled his eyes in return. “It looks like a platform, it is a platform, just a platform with a fancy name.”

“Platforms don't have walls.”

“Some do!”

Eridan shoved the other with an elbow to the ribs. “For fuck's sake, Sol, quit bein' such a dumbass,” he growled; but there was no real anger in it, and Sollux knew it.

“When you stop being a self-righteous prick,” the yellowblood responded, sidestepping the second attempt at a shove. “You haven't answered the question.”

“What- oh. If I'd been up there, right?” Eridan let the argument go. “Once.”

“Just once?”

“What do you think I am, some kind 'a cat? I don't feel the need to climb everythin' in sight, thank you very much. Once was plenty.”

Sollux allowed the silence to stretch after Eridan's response for a few moments, concentrating on the road as they approached the seadweller's ship.

“Why?” Eridan finally asked, when Sollux didn't seem inclined to say anything more.

“Dunno. Just curious, I guess. Seemed like something you would've had fun with, as a wriggler, you know? You were all kinds of nautical obssessed, you can't tell me you never wanted to play lookout?”

Eridan shrugged, looking away. “Seahorsedad wouldn't let me up it, when I was real little, an' I guess by the time I was older it didn't really have all that much appeal,” he replied; but there was something in his tone that made Sollux narrow his eyes.

“Why wouldn't he let you up there?” he asked, trying to probe out what exactly it was.

Eridan turned to him with an eyebrow raised. “Your lusus let you go climbin' around on thin's a hundred feet in the air when you were little?”

“Well, when you put it that way...”

The seadweller snorted. “Yeah, so. No. Just cause he could fly didn't mean he wanted to be rescuin' my ass when I got stuck up there.”

“...when?”

Sollux watched with interest as Eridan half-choked and flushed brightly.

“I- if, fuckin' hell, if!”

“You said when. ...Actually, you said 'when you got stuck'. That pretty heavily implies you did.” Sollux raised a brow.

Eridan refused to look over at him and hurried his steps. “Well, would you look at that, seems like it's comin' on rain or somethin', we'd better focus on gettin' back- gah!”

Sollux snickered at the entirely undignified noise Eridan made when he was abruptly stopped by the red and blue of Sollux's psionics. “Oh no, you don't. There's not a cloud in the fucking sky.”

Eridan huffed and crossed his arms.

“So, want to tell me about how you got stuck up there?”

“Fuck off.”

“Rude. No. Spill.”

“Fuck you!”

Sollux didn't respond to that one; just watched the petulant seadweller and waited.

“Will you just let me go?” Eridan asked after a bit of (what he probably thought was) surreptitious wiggling to test the psionics holding him.

“When you answer the question.”

Eridan narrowed his eyes. “Your answer is no, now let me go.”

Sollux had to mentally rewind the conversation to make sense of that answer; when he realized how he'd phrased the question, he sighed. Of course Eridan would answer the letter and not the spirit of it.

“Fine, fine, keep your secrets. Whatever,” he grumbled, keeping his word and releasing his control over the psionics even if the answer wasn't what he wanted.

Eridan made a show of dusting himself off before resuming walking in silence.

----

Sollux had long since relegated the mystery of the crow's nest to the 'forever unsolved' category by the time, a perigree later, that he came out onto the deck to find Eridan staring up the mast.

The yellowblood stopped where he was to watch, confused but curious, as the seadweller hesitantly touched, then gripped, the lowest rungs of the ladder that led up the mast.

Is he going to-?

He was.

Sollux raised his eyebrows as Eridan slowly but surely pulled himself up rung after rung, testing each to be sure it would hold his weight before committing to it.

His pace slowed drastically as he got higher, almost halfway up the mast now; and then the wind started to pick up, and Eridan stopped entirely.

Sollux frowned, squinting. It didn't look like he was just waiting for the wind to die down or anything, it looked like he was...

“Just cause he could fly didn't mean he wanted to be rescuin' my ass when I got stuck up there,” Eridan had said.

But how would he have gotten stuck on a ladder?

Unless...

He was scared.

Things snapped into place in Sollux's mind. Eridan's bluster, his discomfort, his avoidance of the topic; the determined refusal to talk about it...

The way he clung to the mast above, swaying fifty feet in the air - eyes squeezed shut, Sollux now saw as he rose closer on sparking red and blue - like it was going to drop him and he would splatter to the ground below.

As he rose even with the other, Sollux reached out with his psionics to surround Eridan - not taking his weight, not yet, but keeping a cushion there in case he had to quickly. “Hey, ED, you okay?”

Eridan startled violently and almost lost his grip in twisting to look at the source of the noise; the yelp of pure terror that that provoked immediately crushed any desire Sollux might have ever had to tease him about any of this.

“S-sol-? Wh-what, how-w-”

Sollux let the sparking psionics behind Eridan take up just a little of his weight now in a way he knew the other would be able to feel it, without removing Eridan's own control over his position. “Easy. It's okay, I can get you if you need it,” he said soothingly, floating a little closer.

Eridan's fins were flattened against his skull; Sollux doubted the wind, however strong it was up here, had anything to do with their position. The seadweller's hands spasmed on the rung they were clutching, and he squeezed his eyes shut again, forehead against the wood of the mast. “I... wh-what are you...”

“I saw you climbing,” Sollux replied, guessing that that was probably what Eridan was trying to ask. “And then you stopped, and I was worried. Are you okay? Do you want me to get you down?”

“...you're not laughin'...?”

Sollux kept his sigh strictly mental and floated close enough that he could gently rest a hand on Eridan's shoulder. “No. Why would I laugh?”

“'Cause a s-stupid fuckin' w-wriggler can't e'en manage t'climb 'is ow-wn fuckin' m-mast w-without cryin' like a f-fuckin' grub...?”

Sollux blinked and looked a little closer - and yes, there they were, little tracks of water filigreeing along Eridan's cheeks with the wind.

“There's nothing to laugh about in any of this, Eridan,” he replied quietly, moving his hand from the seadweller's shoulder to his upper back. “There's nothing to be ashamed of.”

Eridan hiccupped but didn't respond, his forehead still pressed against the mast.

“I mean it, Eridan. If it had been me, without my psionics, I would've started freaking out five feet off the fucking ground. It's not some sort of failing in you that you aren't a squirrel or something to not care how high up you are.”

He thought he caught a sniffle; he knew he caught the way the other's fins fluttered a little, even against the wind.

“You... really...?”

“Yeah. Heights are fucking terrifying, all right? There's nothing weird about that.”

Now Eridan dared to open his eyes again, meeting Sollux's; his expression was the most open and vulnerable Sollux thought he'd ever seen it.

“Do you want me to get you down?” Sollux asked again, gently.

This time, Eridan visibly seemed to think about it.

“...You... you can? You're sure...?”

Sollux bit back the urge to snark. “Yeah. Positive.”

Eridan swallowed, gaze flickering between Sollux and the mast, seemingly trying to make a decision. Sollux waited him out.

“...U-um... maybe, just... after...?”

“...'After'?”

“...after we, I... get to the top?”

Sollux blinked, feeling a little stunned. All of this, and Eridan wanted to... keep going?

“Holy shit, ED, seriously? You want to keep going?”

Eridan wouldn't meet his eyes; Sollux suspected that, if the wind hadn't already brought all the color to his cheeks that they could handle, Eridan would be blushing at that.

“...yeah?” the seadweller answered quietly.

“...Okay. Yeah, I can do that. Do you-”

But before he could even finish his sentence to ask if he wanted him to carry him up there, Eridan swallowed hard; shifted his weight; released and flexed first one, then the other hand; and then resumed climbing.

Sollux watched in astonishment, keeping pace as Eridan continued to move up the mast; fear was etched in his every tense muscle and flickering fin, but the seadweller overcame it with sheer determination, eyes fixed on the now rapidly approaching base of the crow's nest above.

Eridan didn't stop until he reached it; and even then it was only because he clearly wasn't sure how to get through the opening on his own. But Sollux read the question in the look the seadweller sent his way; he answered it by gently bolstering the other up, catching his weight while Eridan scrabbled at, then managed to grab, the metal handles set in the floor for this very purpose.

He didn't release his psionic grip until Eridan was well away from the hatch and leaning against the outer wall; landing on the platform himself, he crouched down next to the violetblood, out of the wind. “That was amazing, Eridan,” he said quietly, smiling a little at the startled look he received. “I mean it. You did all that, even though you were scared? That's fucking amazing.”

Eridan looked away, hunching in on himself; but his fluttering fins spoke volumes. “It... it w-wasn't, really...”

“Bullshit.” But his tone was affectionate, and he reached out to take one of Eridan's freezing hands in his. “It's really fucking cold up here, though, and I don't really feel like being turned into a trollsicle, so, can we go back now?”

Eridan swallowed, then nodded. “Yeah. Let me, um... let me just... look, first, though?”

Sollux nodded in turn and stood, reaching out a hand to help the seadweller up; Eridan took it with both of his, and the two of them managed to get him upright, though he stumbled a bit into the yellowblood in the process.

“...Shit, Sol, you are freezin',” he said, startled. “I, I'm sorry-”

“Shut up. No apologies,” Sollux cut him off, then grinned. “You can make it up to me with something hot to eat when we get back down.”

“...Deal.” Eridan nodded, then turned a little to look around.

His expression as he took in the (admittedly pretty amazing) view from up here was so precious that Sollux wanted to box it up and treasure it forever.

“Wow...” Eridan whispered, his waver gone in his wonder. “It's... beautiful.”

Not as much as you, Sollux thought - then caught himself in that thought and hurriedly backpedaled. “Yeah, seeing everything from up here is pretty cool, right?” he managed, trying very hard to pretend he hadn't just been thinking of something entirely different.

“'Cool' is an understatement.” Eridan sighed a little in pleasure, expression soft and wondering as he looked out to where the first moon was just beginning to dip into the ocean to the west. “I... cod, this is amazin'.”

“...was that a fish pun?” Sollux couldn't help but ask, humor bubbling up.

Eridan's face was too flushed in the wind to show any more blushing, but the way his fins flipped down and fluttered broadcast his embarrassment just fine without it. “Fuckin'- look, it wasn't intentional! Quit laughin'!”

“Sorry, sorry,” Sollux replied, doing his best to stop. “It's, it's cute, really, that's all.”

Eridan huffed and turned away, crossing his arms.

“I'm sorry, okay?” Sollux reached out to gently turn him around again with a hand on his shoulder. “Blame it on the thin air or whatever, it's fine. But I'm getting really cold now, and I'm pretty sure trollsicles don't have psionics, so...”

“Okay, fine, geez. Can't even let a troll get a good look around,” Eridan griped; but when Sollux held out his hands, Eridan took them without hesitation. He kept his eyes fixed on the yellowblood's face as psionics lifted both of them out of the basket-like crow's nest and floated them both to the deck of the ship below - probably so that he didn't freak out, Sollux suspected - and didn't let go until Sollux himself did after they both had solid footing again.

“...Thanks, Sol,” the seadweller said quietly once they stepped apart, eyes on his hands as he rubbed a cramp out of the muscles of one with the other.

Sollux smiled, and guided the shorter troll inside with an arm around his shoulders. “No problem, ED - but next time, get me first, okay? I don't want to wake up to splattered seadweller soufflee.”

Eridan snorted and let himself be steered inside. “Nice as that view was, I don't think there'll be a next time. Once is enough.”

Sollux resisted the urge to point out that he'd said that last time, by telling himself Eridan probably hadn't actually made it all the way to the nest as a wriggler before getting 'stuck'; and instead just turned both of their steps to the stairs down into the kitchen. “Now, I do believe I was promised something to warm up...”

[ixmelodix]

Eridan: Craft

Erisol Week Day 3 - Gift

[This takes place at the beginning of Chapter 8 (Sollux: Care).

This is the tutorial he's following, if you're curious :)

Recommended listening: Golden - Scars on 45]

----------

“This was supposed to be easy,” Eridan grumbled, staring at the mess on the ground in front of him.

He was sitting on the floor in his wardrobe-storage on the lower deck - somewhere Sollux would almost certainly not come looking for him - surrounded by paper, scissors, tape, a cut up pair of tights (and why had Seahorsedad had an entire drawer of those? Eridan didn't remember ever wearing anything like that...), several kinds of paint and ink and brushes, and - last but absolutely not least - several shirts, Sollux-sized.

In his hands he held his first attempt at making a frame for screen printing. It was this mess of a contraption - covered in tape trying (and failing) to hold the tights fabric on it - that had prompted the disgusted comment.

He set it aside and shuffled through the papers to find the one he wanted again. Sucking on a finger that had ended up with a splinter in the process of frame-making, Eridan squinted at the poorly-printed image and tried to make out what he was doing wrong.

It would have been so much easier to do this with the instructions up on the computer... but then it wouldn't have been a surprise, with Sollux so often on the computer, even if Eridan could have commandeered it away from him for so long without feeling guilty about it. So, printed guide it was.

It would also have been far easier to do it with a kit of some kind, but, well. They were scraping by as it was; he didn't have money for anything like that. Everything here was stuff he'd already had (and thank fuck for his various 'crafty' phases as a wriggler, or he wouldn't have had pretty much any of this) so it didn't cost him anything to do this. Well, aside from time and effort. And sanity.

The instructions gave him no help; the original poster had apparently been able to use tape, but tape was not working for Eridan, and he couldn't see the image well enough to figure out if there was a particular way to use the tape for it to actually work. The fabric kept coming loose from the tape no matter how carefully he placed it.

He bit his lower lip in thought. Maybe something to anchor the fabric first...?

----

An hour later, he had his frame, complete with image blocked out and ready to use; it was awkward as hell to work with, with nails poking out all over the place (if only he'd had a 'woodworking' or 'construction' phase, to place them neatly...), but it held together, and most importantly the fabric was stretched properly and didn't look like it was about to fall off anymore.

He moved on to the next step. Inking.

It took a bit of maneuvering (and another splinter, this one bigger and more painful than the first) to get the shirt laid out, a flat piece of wood inside it to prevent leakage to the other side, and the frame securely pressed against it so it wouldn't move and ruin the image.

He was extra careful now; the ink was permanent and if he made a mistake there would be no undoing it. The printed guide got consulted about eighty times before he even poured the ink onto the frame.

Inking took most of the rest of night; Eridan's stomach was complaining loudly by the time he was finally able to start putting things away, letting the shirts hang to dry fully. Tomorrow he would iron them to set the ink properly, then run them (with bated breath and bitten claws) through the washer to make sure it stayed in place; and then they would be ready for Sollux's wriggling day the night after that.

----

Eridan watched avidly as Sollux slit and pulled away the wrapping paper, then opened the box.

“What... ED, how-?”

The seadweller smiled a little nervously. “I, um, I thought you might... like somethin', you know, with your symbol an' all.”

“You didn't like, order them-”

Eridan pulled himself up straight. “Obviously not,” he replied, a little offended. “What kind 'a goddamn idiot do you take me for? You're off the fuckin' grid, I'm not gonna risk that by givin' anyone else your damn symbol.”

“...Okay.” Sollux wore a little grin. “Just checking.”

“Hmph.” But Eridan was unable to hold onto the irritation for very long at all, and started to shift nervously as Sollux went back to inspecting the shirts printed with his symbol. “So, um, do you... do you, you know... like them? They're the right size an' all, I checked an' a little loose 'cause you like them that way-”

“...It should probably surprise me that you know how I like my clothes, ED, yet somehow it doesn't.” Sollux raised an eyebrow, looking over at the seadweller, and Eridan flushed brightly.

“I don't, it's not-”

But Sollux interrupted with a gentle smile. “They're really great, ED. I didn't... expect anything like this. It's really sweet of you, thank you.”

Eridan felt he nervousness drain away, replaced by a warm feeling spreading out through his chest. Seeing Sollux's approval, that he liked it, made everything - all the work and frustration and pain, all of it - absolutely worth it.

“I'm... I'm really glad you like them,” he replied, a shy smile hovering around his lips. “...Happy wrigglin' day, Sol.”

[ixmelodix]

Hey guys, faerie here! I've been doing some reorganizing over here, and this blog (ixmelodix) is turning into my main blog.

Though I'll still reblog everything from there onto here (for a while, anyway), ageofaquarius-fic is the new home for everything AoA!

If you're only interested in AoA updates, feel free to switch your follow to over there, I promise I won't be offended <3

[ixmelodix]

Sollux: Compete

Erisol Week Day 6 - Games

[This takes place around the end of Chapter 7 (Sollux: Reach).

Recommended listening: Catch Me If You Can - Walking on Cars]

-----------

“You... want me to?”

Sollux raised an eyebrow at the seadweller shrinking in the doorway and patted the spot beside him on the couch again. “Wouldn't've asked if I didn't.”

Eridan still looked unsure, but he did finally - if skittishly - approach. “I'm... I mean, I'm not exactly used to...”

“You own it, how are you not used to it?”

“Uh...” The seadweller blushed and rubbed the back of his neck. "I mean, I am, just..."

Sollux stared over at him, trying to process that reaction. Why would he be evasive and blushing about this?

“I'm just, I don't really have... much experience in doin' it with anyone else, is all?” Eridan continued, turning his gaze to the floor and scuffing a foot on the wood.

“...Are you seriously telling me you own all these fucking multiplayer games and you've never played multiplayer?”

Eridan blushed brighter. “I mean, all 'a them have single player?”

Sollux could only stare at him.

”....You play fucking Troll Mario Races A Large Cast Of Friends From Various Franchises With Increasingly Unlikely Vehicular Contraptions In Fantastical And/Or Impossible Locations Complete With Traps And Interferences Ranging From Useless To Overpowered Depending On The Relative Location Of Vehicles In A Timed Setting With Various Modes Of AI Competition And Ability To Host Up To Eight Players on single player??”

“...Yeah?”

“Oh my fucking god, ED, get your ass on the goddamned couch, I'm popping your fucking video game cherry.”

“Wh- You don't have to put it like that!”

Sollux grinned at the flustered, brilliantly violet seadweller. “As a matter of fact, yes, I do. It's in the multiplayer rules.”

“Is not!”

“How would you know if you've never played multiplayer?”

“Because I know when you're bein' a goddamned asshole, that's how!” Regardless, Eridan did pick up the second controller from where Sollux had tossed it on the table, then finally sat himself, a little gingerly, on the couch next to the yellowblood.

“If you think I'm an asshole now, just wait. AI ain't got shit on me, you're gonna get crushed.”

“How, exactly, is that supposed to make me want to play with you?” Eridan raised an eyebrow.

Sollux waggled his. “'Cause you like getting crushed?” he suggested, and was rewarded by indignant sputtering accompanied by more blushing.

“Fuckin'- Oh my fuckin' god, Sol, you are the absolute worst an' I fuckin' hate you!”

“Is that a come on?”

“NO, oh my god! Platonically, you absolute freak, platonically!”

Sollux started up the game, grinning from ear to ear. “Mm-hm. If you say so.”

“Fuck you.” But after a moment, Eridan settled in a bit, his attention on the screen; he was apparently - for all his flustered indignation at Sollux's teasing - still willing to play anyway.

----

Ten minutes later, Sollux stared at the first place animation playing on the lower half of the screen and tried to reconcile it with his previously-unassailable worldview.

“You were sayin', Sol?” Eridan asked smugly, and the yellowblood scowled.

“You were cheating!”

“Damn right,” the grinning violetblood admitted, without the slightest bit of shame. “Gotta play dirty to beat the AI at their own game. You can only get so far playin' it straight.”

“You fucking- ...wait, you actually were cheating?”

“Ain't you ever heard 'a exploits?”

“You were... were you speedrunning that?!”

Eridan just snickered and started up a new match.

[ixmelodix]

Sollux: Approach

Erisol Week Day 4 - Free Day

[This takes place between Chapters 8 (Sollux: Care) and 9 (Sollux: Hope).

Recommended listening: Across the Great Divide - Putumayo]

------------

Sollux peered around the door at the back of the kitchen and down the stairs into the dark hull of the ship. He was pretty sure the door had been closed earlier tonight - which indicated that Eridan had probably come by this way, rather than going out to town the way Sollux had assumed he'd done when he hadn't been able to find the seadweller on the ship.

Curious now, he stepped into the stairway and began to descend.

He'd been here once before, when he'd been first exploring the ship perigrees ago. There wasn't much to see, then or now; the only light came from the kitchen behind him, so most of the cavernous underdeck was too dark to see.

Sollux supposed if he was really curious, he could go find a flashlight - but ultimately, he wasn't. Not at what hid in the darkness, anyway.

His curiosity laid in the troll that called this place home, and what he might be doing down here.

It only took a few steps (and the sharply increasing smell of brine) to remember what was down here - which neatly answered part of the question of why Eridan had come here. At the bottom of the steps lay a hatch, open to the water beneath - a convenient entrance to the ship from the sea, if you breathed water.

But what Eridan was doing out in the ocean remained unanswered.

Sollux decided he didn't have anything better to do and settled down to wait and find that out when the seadweller returned.

He didn't have to wait long; after only about ten minutes or so, he spotted some movement in the water below the hatch, followed by a splash as the troll in the water surfaced.

A fish almost the length of Sollux's arm occupied Eridan's mouth as the seadweller hauled himself up through the hatch; he took it in his hands once he got to his feet and started into the unlit recesses beyond the stairs.

“What's back there?” the yellowblood asked with interest; he'd been sitting on the steps that led up to the kitchen when Eridan returned.

The seadweller started and almost lost his grip on the fish. Swearing, he fumbled with it until he got a better grip, then turned around to spot Sollux.

“Fuckin' hell, don't scare me like that, Sol.”

Sollux grinned. “Didn't expect to scare you, wuss. Not my fault you don't pay attention to anything.”

Eridan just huffed and turned away again, making his way unerringly to... whatever his destination was. Sollux couldn't make out much of anything in the darkness.

The yellowblood raised his voice so it would carry as Eridan moved away. “You didn't answer the question, dickhead.”

“If you're just gonna insult me you don't deserve an answer.” Eridan's shadow messed with something; what looked like a door opened, then shut again, and Eridan walked back towards Sollux, hands now empty.

“You've got storage down here?”

Eridan raised an eyebrow. “Obviously.”

“Don't 'obviously' me, ED, there's nothing obvious about it. It just looks like a dark wooden cave down here.”

The seadweller blinked. “The freezer's right there, though?”

“What freezer? I can't see a damn thing.”

“...you're seriously tellin' me you can't see the giant freezer over there?” Eridan's voice held a note of disbelief, and Sollux scowled.

“No, apparently I don't have your freaky seadweller eyes that can see in pitch blackness.”

“Hey, don't get mad at me for your weird landdweller failin's,” Eridan snickered, and strode up the stairs past Sollux, who hissed back and scrambled to his feet to follow.

The seadweller paused by the sink and began stripping off his clothes to wring them out in the basin; Sollux watched the other's shoulders ripple under the scars with an interest he would fervently deny if anyone had ever pointed it out.

Fortunately, Eridan seemed completely oblivious.

Clothes now adequately not dripping, the seadweller hooked them over a chair, repeated the wringing process with his hair, then opened a cabinet by the table that apparently housed a dry set of clothes. He slipped on the sweats and loose T-shirt, then turned back to Sollux with a raised brow.

“Did you need somethin'? You don't usually stalk me these nights.”

“I was just curious,” Sollux replied, standing back so Eridan could get past him and then following him out. “I haven't seen you go out that way before. I thought you'd gone into town again before I saw the door open.”

Eridan chuckled. “Nah. They don't need me there that often, an' it's a long walk even for me.”

Unspoken was the suggestion that it was too long of a walk for Sollux; he bristled, but didn't interrupt.

“Anyway, even if you don't like it, fish's a free food source if you catch it yourself, an', well, I'm built for it. Might as well make use 'a it.”

“You catch fish with your hands?”

“Yeah?”

Sollux tried to picture it, and failed. “How?”

Eridan chuckled again and started up the steps to the upper deck living area. “Come with me next time an' I'll show you.”

“I can't breathe underwater, asshole,” Sollux retorted.

“Right, right, landdweller weaknesses,” the violet teased. “Guess you'll just have to take my word for it, then.”

Sollux aimed a punch at Eridan's shoulder; the other dodged with entirely too much ease. (Sollux resolved to start working out or something; he was beginning to feel like his body really was inadequate, faced with Eridan's physicality.)

“Take me on in a game and I'll show you landdweller weaknesses, fishfucker!”

“Oh?” Without Sollux realizing, Eridan (who was apparently some kind of psychic) had led the two of them straight to the living room. “Pick your poison, then, honeybee.”

Sollux snarled at the mocking nickname and grabbed a game at random, shoving the cartridge into the player and dropping onto the couch.

He'd show him. Fucking seadwellers.

[ixmelodix]

Got bit by the writing bug last night... so here's an itty bit of a preview for Rising Star ;)

"Ampora-" "Don't. Please." The seadweller leaned back in his chair to rest his head gently against the wall behind him, eyes shut and a little crease between his eyebrows that showed he was probably in a fair bit of pain. The drugs were likely starting to wear off. "I'm... I don't... I don't want that name, any more, all right? If I ever deserved it, I sure as fuck don't now.” His teeth bared in a rueful grin. "What would Dualscar have to say about a descendant who went an' murdered the fuckin' Empress? Pretty sure he'd've disowned me even before that, but..." He chuckled, though it sounded forced. "He definitely would've after that." "...I understand," the other replied quietly. "I'm just... I'm just Eridan, okay? Nothin' more." "...They call you the Champion." Eridan winced. "Please don't. That's even worse. I never... never asked for that shit, okay? I never wanted it." "You don't like your title?" "...It's not that." The smaller troll sighed. "It's... it's fine, I guess. For strangers. But... it feels like, I don't know. Puttin' up a fuckin' wall. A brilliant, shiny, beautiful fuckin' wall that everyone loves to stare at, that's got nothin' at all 'a me in it, you know? It's a pretty title for a pretty troll, an' I ain't ever gonna be that again, an' I hate feelin' like I have to try to be it anyway. Especially here, around people I know. I don't want to be anythin' more than just... me. Just... Eridan, okay?"

[ixmelodix]

Eridan: Quiesce

Erisol Week Day 1 - Moon

[This takes place around the end of Chapter 7 (Sollux: Reach).]

Recommended listening (instrumental):

Ophilia, the Cleric (From “Octopath Traveler”) - Samantha Ballard

-----------------

“Stargazing?”

Eridan started violently, rising on his elbows to look at the yellowblood just now climbing the stairs to the uppermost deck, where Eridan had been laying on his back watching the sky. “Sol? What do you want?”

Sollux shrugged and walked over. “Nothing, really. I was just curious what you were doing.”

Eridan eyed him warily but didn't get up.

“Any particular reason you're up here?” the yellowblood continued.

“I dunno, sometimes I just like lookin' at the sky? Why, there somethin' wrong with that?” Eridan bristled a little, defensively, expecting teasing of some kind.

But he didn't get anything of the sort.

“No,” Sollux replied; then crouched down, sat, and laid down next to the seadweller in turn.

Eridan was too startled by this turn of events to form words; he just stared as Sollux settled, hands behind his head and looking up at the sky.

“You can relax, ED,” Sollux pointed out, amusement in his tone.

Eridan narrowed his eyes for a moment; but Sollux didn't seem like he was going to move again, or otherwise make things unpleasant. So after a moment, he let himself settle back down as well, knees bent up and hands resting gently on his stomach.

They laid in silence for a while, eyes on the sky above.

“It's nice,” Sollux said softly, finally breaking the silence.

“What is?”

“Being able to see all this,” he replied. “Back in the city, where I grew up, there was too much light pollution to see much, you know? So all I could ever really look at was the moons, and some of the brighter stars.” He fell silent for a moment longer, then continued. “It's... kind of amazing, how much there really is up there to see.”

“I didn't realize you couldn't see the stars in the city,” Eridan responded. “It's really that bright? You can't go to a roof or somethin' without lights on?”

He saw Sollux shrug from the corner of his eye.

“I mean, you can get places that aren't as bright... but there's still too much ambient light everywhere to really see anything, even if there's no lights immediately around you,” Sollux explained.

Another silence fell; this time Eridan was the one to break it. “But, I mean, the moons are nice to look at too, even if you can't see all the stars...”

“Sure, I guess, but... I don't know. This, what you can see out here, it's... honestly, it's pretty amazing. Way cooler than just the moons by themselves.”

Eridan just hummed a little in response.

The silence this time was longer, interrupted only by the sound of waves lapping at the shore far beneath them. Eridan took the opportunity to enter back into the relaxed, half-meditative state he'd been in before Sollux had interrupted him; focusing on the pale lights above him, the sound of the waves, the gentle salty breeze caressing his skin.

It was times like these that really let him feel peace. It wasn't something he was used to; life always seemed to have too much going on.

Eridan let out a sigh; it seemed to attract the yellowblood's attention, for he made a quiet questioning noise.

“...Just, thinkin', I guess,” Eridan said softly.

“About what?”

“...This. Now. It's... I don't know, just... it's nice.”

“...yeah. It is.”

Another moment passed.

“Do you do this often?”

Eridan shook his head. “Not for this long, anyway,” he admitted. “Can't.”

“Why? Just too much to do?”

He shrugged. “More too much goin' on in my mind, I guess. Can't really... stay quiet, like this, for long, without somethin' takin' advantage 'a it.”

Sollux made a soft noise of understanding. “Memories?”

Eridan nodded.

“Are you having them now? I mean, you've been out here a while, even before I came out.”

“...No,” Eridan responded, with no small amount of wonder; for it was true. Though normally he could rarely relax for more than a short time before the peace was eroded away from within... something, now, was holding those creeping memories at bay.

The soft sound of Sollux's breathing, the rise and fall of his chest that Eridan could see even now, the presence of another next to him... even - no, especially - when they weren't speaking...

It changed things.

He'd never had someone simply... exist, beside him, like this. Not since Feferi, anyway, and even then, she hadn't been one for sitting in silence like this. Not in the brief times he could spend with her, anyway. She always wanted to be up and about, doing things, talking, showing him what she'd done or found or learned.

And of course, Eridan hadn't really ever had anyone else to... well, even just see. His whole life had been solitary; he'd gotten used to it. It was just his lot to be alone, after all.

But here was Sollux, just laying beside him; not trying to talk, or draw him into something, or interrupt the moment - but all the same, changing things enough that Eridan's subconscious almost didn't know what to do about it.

“I'm glad.” Sollux's quiet voice broke through his contemplations. “You deserve a little peace, you know.”

Eridan smiled crookedly into the darkness. “That's nice 'a you to say.”

“It's true.”

Eridan let that go. He didn't want to argue the point, not now.

Besides, even if it wasn't something he deserved, it was still nice. He would hold onto that as long as he could, this lovely moment of peace; when he could forget, just for a little while, everything that had come before - all the painful memories, the anxieties, the loneliness, all of it - and let himself just... be.

“...Do you want me to go?” Sollux asked, tentatively, after another moment of silence.

“You don't have to stay,” Eridan replied, a little sadly.

“That isn't what I asked. I asked if you wanted me to go.”

“I don't want to keep you from doin' whatever it is you wanted to do.”

“...and if that's staying here?”

Eridan let out a quiet sigh, but smiled a little. “Then... I'd like that, I think. If it's what you wanted to do.”

He couldn't see the other's expression, but the smile came through in Sollux's words. “Good. 'Cause it is.”

They didn't speak any more, after that; just relaxed in the silence, stars and moons glimmering in the sky above them. And it wasn't until after the first moon set that they sought to get up again.

[ixmelodix]

AoA Sides - Eridan: Break.

[This is Chapter 6 (Sollux: Learn) from Eridan's perspective. :)

Recommended listening: The Razor's Edge (Piano Version) - Digital Daggers]

---------

Eridan levered himself into the ship through the hatch, water splashing everywhere.

His arms and legs were sore - it had been a while since he'd swum for so long - but finally, finally, his mind felt somewhat settled. Maybe he still didn't know what to do, but at least he didn't feel on the edge of an anxiety attack about it anymore.

Mind on other things, he didn't bother to do more than wring the worst of the water out of his shirt; it was, after all, just water. It would dry, and he could sweep the crusty salt left over later. So when he headed towards his little sleeping-room, water dripped in little footstep-puddles around him.

He passed the kitchen and turned into the side hallway that led to the rest of the lower deck. The room he'd made into his when Sollux had taken over his old one was the second door on the left; he pushed it open and slipped to the side around the shelf that blocked the view of his space from the hallway.

He shed his pants on the way in, kicking the sodden mess over to one side, and fished out a pair of sweatpants from the chest-of-drawers at the end of his couch, stepping into it. A shirt was next - he grabbed one out and set it on top of the drawers before reaching to deal with his wet one.

He had the shirt about halfway off when-

"ED, what-"

Eridan just about jumped out of his skin, and immediately tried to shove the shirt back down to hide himself - but his arms got tangled in the damp fabric...

And then something caught them, yanking arms and shirt back up. The seadweller yelped and struggled, but whatever was holding his arms up didn't give.

No, no, no-

His back burned; several lines of fire traced from shoulders almost to his hips. He couldn't breathe, couldn't think; everything hurt too much. He could hear laughter, the snide asides making fun of his helplessness, but couldn't make sense of what they were saying. It didn't matter, anyway.

Nothing mattered, least of all him.

He hung, heart in his mouth, waiting for the troll behind him to decide whether or not he deserved another wound; his throat felt tight and raw from screaming and crying, and he couldn't repress a whimper every time his weight shifted and pulled at his back in a different way.

He waited, and waited, but nothing came-

Nothing came. Nothing happened.

"What the fuck, ED-"

Sollux.

It was... just Sollux. He was home, not there, and it was just Sollux behind him, not someone with a whip, not someone waiting to hurt him until he broke, again and again and again...

Eridan swallowed hard, fighting to keep the flashback from overwhelming him again. "S-sol, let me go, please..."

His voice cracked partway through; he couldn't control it any better, couldn't stop himself from trembling, couldn't slow his breathing-

"Shit- shit, ED, I'm thorry, I didn't mean to-"

And the force - psionics, a tiny little part of his brain whispered - released him.

His legs weren't ready to bear his weight again; Eridan collapsed, his arms dropping limply to the ground in front of him as his legs folded and deposited him on the floor. The shirt, forgotten, slipped the rest of the way off his arms as he caught himself.

He curled into himself once he was down, arms wrapping tightly around his chest and bending over - trying to calm down, to breathe, to get himself together.

But everything was too bright and too loud and too much and his back burned and his body ached and he could hear laughter chasing around the dark parts of his mind and-

Something broke through.

"Jutht... breathe, okay? Um. In, and out."

Someone was near; that voice was right in his ear. Eridan latched onto it, almost without meaning to.

"In, and- yeah, like that. Keep breathing. That'th- that's it. You're doing good, okay, in, and out..."

Breathe. In and out. Okay. He could do that, sure. It was hard to breathe slowly - he had to take a couple shorter breaths in between longer ones to keep the exhales to the pace the other was setting - but he did his best. It was easier to concentrate on the voice in his ear than to try to calm down on his own, and better than spiraling further into panic.

Slowly, slowly, his mind settled; his body relaxed, and his breathing slowed of its own accord rather than because he was forcing it to. Even the trembling eased a bit.

A weight dropped over him; he panicked for a brief second, but the weight now about his shoulders was warm, and soft, and didn't move. After a moment, he recognized the feel and the scent - one of the blankets from his couch.

Oh.

Without thinking about it, he grasped the edges to pull it more tightly around himself. The warmth and weight of it further helped him anchor himself firmly back in the present. The present, where Sollux was beside him, and he had just had a panic attack, and Sollux-

Sollux had seen his back.

The thought sent a surge of anxiety through him, and he froze; but the anxiety didn't trigger the panic again, just went fluttering through his head like a frightened, trapped bird.

"Hey, um. Are you... back?"

Sollux. He should... respond. Sollux didn't need to be burdened with his problems.

It took him a moment to gather his mind together enough, but finally he managed a nod; this prompted an audible sigh of relief from beside him.

"I'm... I am sorry. I didn't mean to freak you out." The troll beside him shifted, ending up farther forward instead of somewhat behind him. "I just wasn't expecting..."

Of course he wasn't. Eridan hadn't ever, ever intended to let him know. He shrugged, uncomfortably.

"Do you, um... do you... want to talk about it?"

Eridan stiffened. No!

He absolutely did not want to talk about it; he wanted none of this to have happened, wanted Sollux to go back to being ignorant of Eridan's problems and worried about his own instead. He wanted to forget about the marks on his back, to lose himself in helping someone else, to let the past go back to the darkest corners of his mind where it belonged.

But... he couldn't deny Sollux.

If he wanted to know... who was Eridan to refuse?

So, though his voice was barely a whisper, he spoke.

"Wh...what do you..." He swallowed, hard, and pressed on, "w-want to know...?"

"Um. Uh. What... when did...?"

Eridan bit the inside of his lip; the brief flare of pain allowed him to get some control over his voice, and his reply was somewhat stronger, if flat from his attempt to suppress the anxiety. "School."

"The... the teachers, or-?"

Eridan shook his head and clenched the fingers of one hand - the far one, the one out of Sollux's sight - into his hip, piercing the skin with his claws and causing five little beads of blood to swell up on his side, hidden by the blanket. It helped to ground him.

"No. Some 'a the... other students. There w-was... there w-was a group, they... most people called them the 'Uppers'." He took a breath. "They... didn't like me."

"Why?"

Why did Sollux care? Eridan swallowed hard. Did it matter? If he wanted to know...

"I don't... I don't know. I mean, I guess, at first they w-were probably mad cause I ranked higher 'n them, but... they didn't stop, not e'en w-when I didn't, so..." That sounded panicky. He stopped and forced himself to take a few, steadying breaths. "I don't... really know."

Sollux didn't say anything; probably was waiting for more of an actual answer to his question than that mess, even if it was the truth. Eridan tried to think.

"They probably... they probably just realized I w-was easy prey. W-worthless, doesn't fight back... wh-why not pick on him, right?" He tried for a laugh; Sollux had responded well to Eridan's self-deprecation before, and it was easier to make fun of himself than to feel.

But Sollux didn't respond the way Eridan expected.

"Worthless? What, just because they didn't like you?"

What was he talking about? That wasn't the part Eridan had been expecting him to question. Confused, he lifted his head to actually look at Sollux for the first time. "No...? Because I am."

Sollux was frowning. "What do you mean?"

What is...?

"I don't... I don't understand wh-what you're askin', Sol." He turned the rest of the way to face the yellowblood, trying to get a hint of the answer the other wanted in his body language or expression.

"What do you mean by 'worthless'?"

What kind of question was that? Why did he keep harping on this? What was the point?

Feeling a surge of annoyance, Eridan's voice was sharper than he meant it to be as he replied. "...Not havin' w-worth? Do you need me to get you a dictionary?"

"No, dickwad, I know the definition. But who told you that you were? If it wasn't them just because they didn't like you, then..."

...What in the world was he suggesting, here? That they were the ones who decided Eridan was worthless in the first place? What bullshit was this?

He stopped Sollux before the other could keep making stupid guesses.

"E'eryone did. Does. Wh-what does it matter, anyw-way?" He sighed and looked down again, the energy annoyance had given him slipping away and making his shoulders slump. "E'en you."

"I don't think you're worthless!"

Bullshit. If you don't think that, why do you keep treating me like shit?

"Then wh-why..." About to ask exactly that, Eridan caught himself just in time. Shaking his head, he directed his gaze on the floor in the opposite direction of the yellowblood so Sollux couldn't see his expression, twisted in pain. "Ne'er mind. It doesn't matter."

Thankfully, Sollux seemed willing to let it go. Unfortunately, he was apparently unwilling to let the rest of it go, too.

"Didn't you... didn't you tell someone? Why wouldn't they put a stop to it, when they saw? There's too many, there's no way you got them all at once, you would have bled out..."

Why wouldn't he just stop? Eridan gritted his teeth and kept his gaze down. "Tell wh-who? No one cared."

"Whoever took care of them?"

Hadn't he gotten the point by now?? Eridan looked over - before remembering Sollux wouldn't want to see the anger in his expression and looking away again. "I took care 'a myself." But he couldn't resist adding a snarky, "Startin' to feel like a broken record, here, Sol."

"But surely the medic-"

A flash - the medic at school looking at him, disgusted with what he saw.

A flash - a box of bandages shoved in his arms. "Take that and get out of my medbay, you pathetic worm. You're dripping your muck-blood on my floor."

A flash - the discarded whip rolling briefly on the floor of the attic, the symbol burned into the bottom matching the symbol on the office door.

Eridan rounded on Sollux, hands on his knees and leaning forward in anger as the partial flashback made his pupils contract to mere pinpricks.

"It w-was the medic's whip!"

Sollux reeled back, and Eridan caught himself, sitting back again and forcing all the emotion back into its hiding places in his mind to be dealt with later.

His voice was much quieter when he continued, though pain still tinged it.

"E'eryone knew-w, to some degree or another. No one cared. Or else they enjoyed it." He let out a bitter sigh. "...Wh-why is it so hard for you to understand? You got some stripes yourself, don't tell me the people that did that cared?"

"But- but you're a highblood!"

Oh.

Now he saw the problem. Sollux was lumping Eridan in with his blood color, rather than thinking of him as himself. That was almost sweet of him, really... but ultimately stupid.

Eridan made a self-deprecating noise, almost a snort. "By blood, maybe. Not in any other... w-way that matters."

He sighed, looking down at his hands in his lap. All of this was just...too much. The hysterical energy he'd been flooded with was running out, and talking was only making him more tired.

"Ne'er mind. It's not important. It's long past doin' anythin' about now-w."

All he wanted was to be left alone, to recover his composure and get what rest he could.

Sollux, thankfully, apparently decided he'd pressed enough for one night. "You should... probably get to 'coon, ED. You look exhausted."

Right. Because he had a recuperacoon to sleep in.

Eridan flinched a little, pulling the blanket around his shoulders, and hoped the other would decide to just leave him and stop asking questions. "...Sure."

No such luck. "ED? If you won't get to 'coon yourself, I'll carry you. Come on."

"Don't you fuckin' dare, pissblood." Maybe getting snarky would get him to leave him alone? The other was standing up; Eridan could only hope-

Then the red-and-blue flickering psionics surrounded him, and he was in the air. Eridan sputtered and squirmed, losing his grip on the blanket, which fell to the floor. "Let go 'a me!"

"No. Where's your 'coon?"

Giving up on fighting, Eridan crossed his arms and looked away, trying to hide his discomfort.

"ED?"

Surely he'd tire of this soon?

"Eridan..."

Any second now...

"Eridan, I'm not going to put you down until you tell me where your 'coon is."

Eridan gritted his teeth.

He didn't want to give in, but the psionics were starting to get almost painful, shocking against his bare skin; finally, he replied, trying to give as little away as possible. "Upstairs," he bit out, still looking away.

It was true - his recuperacoon was upstairs.

Unfortunately, Sollux was a little too quick on the uptake. "But I've been everywhere upstairs, I don't remember seeing..." His voice was quickly turning from confused to distressed. "Don't tell me you don't- you don't have another...!"

Eridan swallowed and shifted uncomfortably. Why didn't he just let it go? It wasn't like it mattered. But no, he just had to keep getting upset about it...

"But you didn't- I never thaw you- you've been thleeping dry thith whole time???"

His lisp was coming out something strong, Eridan noticed. A sign of just how upset he was.

But why? Why was he upset? "I sleep fine w-without it," he replied, uncomfortable but unwilling to argue the matter.

Maybe now Sollux would let him go? He wiggled experimentally, but the psionics were clearly not going anywhere.

"Bullshit." Sollux turned and stalked away, and Eridan was dragged along behind.

"Hey! You said-" you would put me down if I told you, he thought, but he was interrupted before he could finish.

"I don't care what I said. I'm putting you in 'coon now, and you can just deal with sharing sopor with a lowblood."

...Wait, what?

He thought Eridan was sleeping dry because he... didn't want to sleep in the same sopor as a lowblood? What the hell? That had nothing to do with it!

Did Sollux really think that low of him? Sure, he probably deserved it, even if it wasn't for that reason, but...

"That... that isn't wh-why I..." But he couldn't quite manage to finish the quiet sentence, once Sollux turned furious, sparking red and blue eyes on him.

"Why else, then?"

It was hard to find the words under that disgusted glare. Eridan quailed a little and hunched in on himself, wrapping his arms around himself for comfort.

"...because you needed it more." His voice was barely audible, again. "I didn't... w-want to..." He swallowed hard and forced himself to finish. "I didn't w-want to impose on you."

And it was true. That, there, was the real reason, the only reason, he'd been avoiding it. He hadn't wanted Sollux to know, because the other would feel guilty - just as he was now, Eridan realized, casting a glance up, as the flickering around Sollux's eyes and horns vanished and the yellowblood just stared at him. Eridan moved his gaze back to his knees.

"You- You didn't want to impose? But it's your 'coon!"

Eridan shrugged uncomfortably, wishing he could just disappear. "You needed it more," he replied, as though that explained everything; and to him, it did.

Sollux needed it. Sollux got it. Anything Sollux needed was more important.

And besides, Eridan was used to sleeping dry. He'd slept without sopor the past few weeks, after all; and when he'd been in school, he'd slept dry more often than not.

A horrible excuse for a troll like him certainly shouldn't take sopor away from a good one who deserved it like Sollux. Daily nightmares were a small price to pay for making Sollux comfortable.

The yellowblood interrupted his thoughts with a frustrated sigh, dragging both of them into Eridan's old bedroom. "Well, you need it more now. If I put you down, will you get in on your own, or do I have to strip you and dunk you in myself?"

Eridan flushed, grabbing onto the waistband of his sweatpants to keep Sollux from doing so. Sollux had already seen the worst of his scars, sure, but he didn't want him to see the rest if he could help it. "No! I'll... I'll do it myself..."

"Good." Finally, the psionics let him down, feet first. Eridan stumbled a step before catching himself on the 'coon.

Sollux was already on his way out the door. "Good day."

Eridan watched him go, feeling conflicted. "...'Day, Sol. ...thanks."

The yellow didn't give any sign he'd heard, though, just shutting the door behind himself. Eridan listened to his steps fading away, before turning to the 'coon. The sopor slime within looked horribly inviting...

Well, he had agreed. And clearly Sollux didn't need it right this second; he'd be awake and out before the psionic wanted it for the day, surely.

Feeling like he'd just lost several probably important battles, Eridan slipped his sweatpants off, folded them neatly on the table near the recuperacoon, and climbed in.

[ixmelodix]

Here it is - the final chapter!

It's been a wild ride; thank you all so much for your love and support over the journey!

I'll be taking a break for holidays and my wedding before we get started on the next work (Rising Star), but I'll likely be posting side stories, worldbuilding, and stuff like the character profiles in the meantime. If there's something you want to see/know more about, let me know! The more interaction I get the more likely I am to write, so it's a win-win situation :)