#when my brain works against me
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Vent
#I don't think I'm capable of being loved so much that I'm proposed to#fuck all I want is to get married and be in love and finally stop hating myself#I wanna bang my head against a wall until I don't exist#nobody ever understands the pain they've all been chosen before#I've never been chosen for the full me#I just wanna cling onto someone and cry during the nasty dark moments#like when sex and regression and trauma mix#when my brain works against me#when I am 100% sure there's no way past this#I keep forgetting that I'm doomed to be alone and keep getting my heart broke I'm so angry and hate myself#I feel like I'm drowning on air#I'm crying and sobbing and verging on sh I dunno what to do everything feels fake#fake*#I lost my sister and I lost my dad I just really fucking need somebody#I can't turn 30 and be alone I've already had puking fits over trying to accept the fact that I'll be 25 and single#im fucking going ballistic I don't wanna be alone#the only thing that's gonna make me happy is finally having a partner and that's just not gonna happen#I'm going to be a 30 yr old virgin FUCK#since my family has shamed me out of journaling I gotta go back to SH I can't deal with any of this#there's just so much going wrong#my life is falling apart I have no one
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How I save time on backgrounds as a full-time webcomic artist
Hi! I make webcomics for a living, and I have to be able to draw a panel extremely fast to keep up with my deadlines. I draw about 50 panels a week, which gives me about 45 minutes per panel if I want any semblance of a healthy work-life balance.
Most webtoon artists save time on backgrounds by using 3d models, which works for them and is great! but personally I hate working in 3d... I went to school for it for a year and hated it so much I completely changed career paths and vowed never to do it again! So, this is how I save time without using any 3d, for those of you out there who don't like it either!
This tactic has also saved me money (3d models are expensive) and it has helped me converting my comic from scroll format into page format for print, because I have much more art to work with than what's actually in the panels. (I'll touch on this later)
So, first, I make my backgrounds huge. my default starting size is 10,000 x 10,000 pixels. My panels are 2,500 pixels wide, so my backgrounds are 4x that, minimum. Because of this, I make them less detailed than I could or that you might expect so it doesn't look weird against my character art when I shrink portions of it down.
I personally find it much easier to add in detail than to make "removing" details look natural at smaller sizes, but you might have different preferences than I do.
I also make sure to keep all of my elements on separate layers so that I can easily remove or replace them, I can move them to simulate different camera angles more easily, and it's simple to adjust the lighting to imply different times of day.
Then I can go ahead and copy/paste them into my episodes. I move the background around until it feels like it's properly fitting how I want.
Once I've done that in every panel, I'll go back through the episode and clean up anything that looks weird, and add in solid blacks (for my art style) Here's a quick before and after of what that looks like!
This makes 90% of my backgrounds take me just a few hours. This is my tactic when I'm working in an environment that an entire scene, or multiple scenes, will take place.
But many panels will inevitably have a location that's used exactly once, and it would waste time and effort to draw a massive background for those. So in 10% of cases, I just draw the single panel background in the episode. I save all of these, just in case I can re-use it later (this happens more often with outdoor locations, but I save them all nonetheless!)
I generally have to draw about 2 big backgrounds per episode, and 3-5 single-panel backgrounds per episode! At the beginning of an arc/book the number is higher, but as the series is continuing and I'm building up an asset library of indoor and outdoor elements to re-use for the book, the number generally goes down and I save more time.
My series involves time travel and mysteries, so there's a lot of new locations in it and we're constantly moving around. If I were working on a series that was more consistent in this aspect, this process would save me even more time!
Like I said earlier, this also saves me a lot of pain and gives me a lot more options as I'm converting from scroll format to print format!
panels that look like this in scroll format...
can look like this in print!
because I drew the background like this, so I didn't need to go through the additional effort to add in the extra detail to expand it outwards at all.
Anyways, I hope this helps someone! As always if it doesn't help, just go ahead and disregard. This is what I do and what works for me, and I feel like I only ever see time-saving tips for comics that involve 3d models and workflows, which don't work for me at all! I know there's more people like me out there, so this is for you!
Enjoy!
Also obligatory "my webcomic" if you want to see this in action or check it out!
#webcomic tips#webcomic making#comic tips#comic tutorial#art tutorial#art tips#time and time again#my ocs#digital art#ttawebcomic#hmmmm....#longpost#yeah it's a long post#I'll claim this one#lots of images#I hope this helps#I'm always worried when I make some kind of guide or tutorial people are gonna get mad at me lmao#I'm not saying 3d models are bad to use!!!#I just dont like them!#my brain doesnt work like that and it feels SO so so so tedious to me#TO ME PERSONALLY!!!#plenty of people see 3d models as a total lifesaver#and that's perfectly fine!#but yeah I don't see tutorials about saving time in comics that like... dont... mention 3d models...#like what about me and the other extremely particular girlies who hate 3d#anyways#yeah#just hoping this helps#nothing against 3d at all#I mean. ok personally yes against it cause it sucks for me to use
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This AV Club comment is making me so desperate to write a romcom, you have no idea.
#adventures in writing#the trouble is that the idea begins and ends with 'romcom!'#the same way my desire to write mysteries would be 'they solve a mystery!' and i'd have no idea what the mystery was#there's this idea that keeps niggling me#from back when i was just braindumping potential elements i might want to make use of in an inklings story#and looking back at it later the list elements of 'arranged marriage' and 'rom com' stuck out#as well as a world that involves politics and mermaids#and my brain keeps trying to tell me this is a viable idea while providing zero plot or characters#see the thing about rom coms is that they require detailed characters who need their own arcs#the thing i'm bad at!#so it's hard to fulfill this writing craving because all my brainstorming instincts to start with the plot work against me here
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My frame (that I clean forgot to post) for the @gomensframes project. Sometimes group projects have 500 people, entertain you, and offer a low pressure avenue to kick your ass out of a multiple year art rut. [commentator voice] join one Today!
close ups under the cut
My first time drawing msheen and my god his face is so incredibly satisfying. This baby’s got some solid planes
#every frame against the wall#good omens#aziraphale#Crowley#Michael Sheen#David Tennant#decided to draw things more often than once every three years. didn’t know where to begin. bam frames project#magic cure when your brain don’t work so good#also my first time doing a depth of field thing. don’t like that!!! never again#hyperrealism demons came for me again I’m afraid#my art
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the sun has long since set, and the sky is now only illuminated by the gentle glow of the moon and the twinkle of her surrounding stars. The wind blows steadily in the quiet streets as everyone seeks refuge for the night.
everyone except you.
sitting anxiously by the door, careful not to do so much as a wink, for you might fall asleep and miss it.
miss him.
you don't want to miss him as he walks through the door, with his red hair tied back in a messy ponytail and a tired smile plastered on his face. his musk invading your senses as he practically falls into your embrace, quietly mumbling about his day as he gently kisses along your neck and collarbone.
you don't want to miss the opportunity to lead him to the kitchen table, hanging up his coat along the way, and seating him next to you as you both share a quiet, late dinner.
falling asleep now would mean you wouldn't get to follow him into the bathroom, using the toilet as your seat while he's in the shower, sharing remarks about your day. Eventually, brush your teeth side-by-side in front of the cramped sink.
and then you would follow him to the bedroom, curling up next to him as you both let the stress of the day melt into the sheets, exchanging I love you's before allowing your eyes to close and falling asleep wrapped up in each other's embrace.
that, is why you cannot risk closing your eyes at this moment, you cannot risk the chance to finally enjoy a calming nighttime routine with Diluc.
you must not.
your eyes dart to the clock and back to the door, the minutes tick by ever so slowly, and your brain starts to feel a bit foggy.
you blink.
or at least you thought you did, but when you open your eyes, you can smell the aroma of breakfast wafting in from the kitchen and sunlight creeping through the window shade.
slowly crawling out of bed, you see the sight that you had been wishing to see all night.
red hair draped around his shoulders, a tan apron pressed around his figure, and a pair of pajamas. Diluc stood in front of the stove, turning around to greet you.
even though you didn't get to say good night, at least you got to say good morning.
#ᶻz cakewrites#﹒ᶻz cakethoughts#genshin x reader#gn reader#diluc x reader#diluc drabbles#diluc ragnvindr#diluc fluff#diluc x gn reader#diluc x gender neutral reader#genshin fluff#genshin drabbles#not beta read#it’s late and i have a headache#I FINALLY MANAGED TO FART SOMETHING OUT MY BRAIN#waittt sleepy diluc after work is so YUMMYYUMMYYUMMY#it took a few walks outside and some mukbangs but I finally managed to let my fingers grace the keyboard#wait why do I feel this is kinda...bad.#GRGWTSFTAFR#what's new...#self doubt strikes against mwuahahaha#BUT YK I GOTTA B CONFIDENT#THIS IS GOOD.#me when repetition :0000#word proximity? I hardly know her!#ending is a bit- eh.#its not my best work#WELL ILY GUYS AND TY FOR READING :33
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if I said eisa davis' influence in making lmm actually write something rather radically progressive has subsequently inspired me to return to my roots of actually fucking thinking of making radically progressive musicals after a 3-year long hiatus in doing so, then what-
#thdjdjd i dunno like gjdjd#look warriors did something fucking weird to my brain#it brought me back to when i first was obsessed with WATT when i was 16#and hamilton when i was 13#like it makes me wanna write again#and now with eisa davis proving that Radically Progressive Ideas In Art Can Fucking Work If You Have The Balls#im um#really thinking about going back WHAHAHA#might rework Patron the musical into a concept album idea of sorts#side a being life as a filipino student who learns the ins and outs of activism and ndmos here#side b being their counterpart who is a writer that struggles against being indocrinated by um neo-colonialist capitalist beliefs#all that comes with prolonged exposure to the bubble of privilege in the phililpines#(especially the role that the US capitalism plays in it hahahahaha we haven't forgotten about that)#basically not exactly a princess and the pauper situation but um just two people on different sides of the same coin#and its meant to be an exploration of my experiences in college#both in terms of my activism#and me being made to mind the line at times as a communication student and a writer#its like splitting myself into two and making them butt heads PFFT but yea#and I call it Patron because Side A (Filipino) is inspired from the concept of patron saints ('who dies for us? who do we die for?')#(pronounce side A as PAH-tron with a roll to that R)#and Side B is um what are the privileges and pitfalls of foreign patronage?#(yes this is inspired by um some filipinos being so enamored by socio-economic privilege upon stepping foot in amerca that they forget-#where they came from)#anyways thats ny tiny ramble for today im gonna get back to wofk#personal shit#voila the return of the izzy idea rambles
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i really gotta get better about listening to my own brain and needs when i'm making things. i've been working on a video and i'm almost finished (yippee!!), but drawing this One Specific Frame was giving me trouble. i could have just brute-forced my way through it and finalized the initial sketch, since it was relatively good enough. but instead i left it and took a day off from working on the project, let myself recharge, and came back to the sketch with fresh eyes today. and what do you know, my redrawn sketch today is WAY better! now, i can finalize that frame and be genuinely proud of it, instead of just powering through on something i was less than happy with.
i hadn't done any other art stuff that day when i couldn't get my sketches to look right, so letting myself stop and have a break from the project felt sort of "unearned" i guess. but it's just. what i needed! and the break did what i needed it to do; i was able to come back later and make something i could be proud of.
anyway i guess this is me saying that, if you're like me and have this weird morality-complex about letting yourself rest, it's ok to take breaks, even if you feel like you haven't "earned" one yet :)
#rye.txt#growing up i got very accustomed to ignoring my own needs and just 'powering through' when i wanted/needed to get something done#which worked out relatively ok for me in school (banging my head against a wall until my brain absorbed information leading to exhaustion)#but now that im doing work that is ostensibly for my own enjoyment#i have a hard time divorcing myself from that mindset#i feel guilty if im not constantly working#which is. not great! so im trying to unlearn that#trying to let myself think 'ok my brain isn't brain-ing right now. so i should stop and rest/do something else'#my actual job is Very Emotionally Draining so sometimes i just. can't find the energy to work on my art#which sucks!! cause i love making art!! and then i think to myself 'maybe making art will make you feel better'#but then when i try it's like scraping the bottom of a dry well. trying to find water#when what i need to do is rest and let the water well up from the ground itself#but resting is HARD when you tie your self-worth to how much you can work#ough ok this got a little vent-y sorry guys#I don't want to let myself fall into the 'content creation' mindset. cause I don't think i make 'content' i make ART#and art isn't something you can just pump out mindlessly#good art. art that i can be PROUD of. that takes time and intent and energy. and I can't make that if im just scraping the bottom of a well#vent in tags#this whole post is just 'riley vs the concept that taking breaks is a moral failing'
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my rewatch got to season 8
#house md#screenshot#THERE WAS NO WAY I'M NOT POSTING AT LEAST ONE OKAY#my obsession never went away#and knowing me it never will#wentworth miller#and shit i just realized#are there coldflash fics with len under the sleeping beauty curse?...#i know there are with barry#and now i look at this screenshot and can't help thinking about 'hit by the sleeping curse' len#and rogues all go in what the fuck do we do now mode because len is their collective brain cell#most of the time#when it's not about the flash#anyway the brain cell#they need their brain cell#after a week they'll send lisa to team flash#and no one except for mick is suicidal enough to try the kissing thing#lisa tried too#to check if sibling's love will work#it didn't#to team flash it was#and honestly all the rogues were sure (and not very silent about it) that the flash should just kiss the boss#and release all of them from their misery#they had time to make their peace with the concept#they had working eyes and ears okay#team flash was in the same boat#as it appeared#or they were pissed and against it and tried to stop barry from helping#or lisa went to ask for 'len's cute csi friend's contact because she was sure len had hots for the guy#cisco and the flash almost choked on air for very different reasons
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no ones ever gonna understand how much i love daigo doin this stupid shit after dissolving the tojo
#snap chats#is this a gaiden spoiler. its been like five months catch up you nerds#ANYWAYYYYY NOO I LOVE HIM ....... this whole bit is like four seconds long but i love it so much#i just reminded myself i should probably make gaiden/y8 videos for daigo.. i'll make it a JP/ENG comp or somethn.. one day#not soon tho like its barely anything since he's not in those games Long At All but still. im lazy 💀#excuse me while i gush about daigo for twenty minutes now because hehee HE'S SO CUTE I CAN'T GET OVER IT#this is literally the middle aged equivalent of going yippee like YOU CAN TELL HE'S SO RELIEVED IT'S SO CUTE#got the energy of a student with crippling anxiety after they somehow get through giving a presentation without throwing up#AND his lil smile ......... thank you gaiden you made me wanna eat drywall with daigo's sad puppy dog eyes about kiryu#and then immediately made up for it a minute later#sorry i keep scrolling up to look at him and i love him so much. what if i threw up#i dont like using babygirl lightly but this is actually the most Babygirl frame of him ever ive decided#thats my boy .... i love my boy so much ..... he's so cute ... come so far in life congratulations king ..... ily ...#him lookin up at the sky for a minute just to breathe i know he thankin god for the fact he somehow isnt dead yet#im gonna ignore the fact all of this was for naught so i dont bash my head against a wall anyway stan daigo#im gonna be sick i love him so much#if i redraw this later shut up. i love him...#this is why i try not to look at cutscenes anymore cause when i do i feel my brain being put in a microwave and start to melt#its not my fault i love my guys so much .... ok bye i have work to do ....#and then when i finish that work i can go back to loving my guys YAAAAAY !!!!!!!
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What do you think the types of drunk would the murder trio be? Im pretty sure ask dusttale already answered this question about dust but i have to ask the mtt expert
see now askdusttale DID answer the question. but they didn't ANSWER the question when asked what dust is like drunk. they just said that dust is the type to drink himself blackout drunk. so that mean i have total freedom on deciding what the mtt are like drunk hehehe (rubs hands together in a villanous way that you would imagine nightmare doing or something idk)
i already have an absolutely hilarious idea for horror and it might just because i'm on the guilt section of his character analysis but i could TOTALLY imagine him being an emotional drunk. like he CRIES. horror sans man known for being incredibly guarded and private with what he feels bawling his eye out. he gets mad he gets sad he does not get happy because horror doesn't have the right to be happy. he is too upset over the fact that he fucking DOOMED all of horrortale because of his selfishness and nothing can stop him from being incredibly vocal about that fact so much so that killer had to tape his mouth shut because he wouldn't stop crying so loud. and then he just silently cries until he passes out from exhaustion. the alcohol has an incredibly strong effect on him because i dont think he would drink regularly plus he definitely hasnt drinken anything in those 7 years of starvation. it hits like a fucking plane crashing into him. or like getting his eye taken out again. either one!
another funny idea i had for killer would be like the alcohol affecting him but he SWEARS that he's still sober. he is very confused when he starts stumbling because wtf he doesnt FEEL drunk??? why is he bumping into walls and tables HELP WHY DOES HE SOUND FUCKING STUPID???? the alcohol is definitely effecting him but he swears he swears he doesn't feel drunk. hes not drunk its just the damn body doing this stupid bullshit!!!! he's still very aware of what's going on and is basically the same as sober but just like. he's wiggly he's wobbly and oh shit he just fell head face first into a tv whoops. he'd also have a high tolerance because just because. he can drink without feeling like shit until he just blacks out mid conversation with someone because his body couldn't take the toll of all the beer or whatever. hilarious idea triglycercule thank you triglycercule i know
dust in the context that we already know that he drinks AND he can fight against the human while like partially drunk.... i feel it would be kinda like a giggly drunk situation. except dust doesn't laugh at anything that's funny he only laughs when someone gets hurt or something. SADISTIC giggly drunk. because i can already imagine a half drunk dust laughing his ass off after killing the human and its a beautiful sight to me.
anyways imagine how it goes when you pair this sadistic giggly drunk with another that wont stop going through the 5 stages of grief and another that keeps on fucking falling over for no reason in his eyes. dream blunt rotation but the blunt is a bottle of vodka. i can already imagine it in my head and its fucking HILARIOUS. horror going on about how he caused the deaths of others and manipulated and tricked papyrus while killer is just trying his best to keep his eyes open because for some reason they won't stop trying to close. he is surprisingly getting frustated. dust has long since lost his voice laughing at this and he's just silent wheezing at everything. also phantom papyrus is only making the laughter worse because he keeps on making rude comments towards horror and killer and only he can hear him and its guffaw inducing. mtt amazing friend group you dont get shit like this anywhere else
#killer's breakdancing and he swears this isnt on purpose guys#GUYS GUYS ITS NOT ME THE BODY IS DRUNK OKAY WHY CANT I STOP WHEN DID I LEARN HOW TO DO THIS#horror has SO much to be guilty over its not even funny. ITS NOT EVEN FUNNY#nobody talks about this but this man is GUILTSTRIFEN. he is literally filled with so much guilt its not even funny#dust and killer have the genocides they did. ok. sure. that's it????#ugh god i dont wanna ramble in tags again..... im just gonna end up saying it in the analysis anyways but ughhhhhhhhhhh#yk what fine i'll rapid fire. trying to keep people from killing themselves. watching his friends die.#knowing that other monsters are getting eaten. worrying papyrus. coming up with a plan he knows wont work and tries make it happen#because that idea of them deconstrucing the core would NOT have worked so he did that out of selfishness#forcing his community to eat humans. tricking papyrus into eating humans. going against all his morals#dare i need say more i swear AND ALL OF THESE ARE SEPERATE THINGS TOO!!!!!!#he single handedly DOOMED horrortale into disarray by destroying the core#the eye idea wouldve worked. it wouldve been the only way monsterkind thrived#and yet he destroyed the core but kept his eye safe. as if one last big fuck you#you can have my eye but you cant have the machine that needs it. good luck bitches#THERE ALREADY WAS FOOD IN SNOWDIN BEFORE HE TOLD THEM TO EAT HUMANS#THERE COULD'VE BEEN ANOTHER WAY TO RATION THE FOOD OR FIND S FOOD SOURCE#BUT HE JUST TOLD TJEM TO EST HUMANS OUT OF SPITE SO UNDYNE WOULDN'T GET THE SOULS#granted it was a solution that worked for the hunger problem BUT HORROR FUCKING HATES IT#HE HATES THE IDEA OF EATING HUMANS HE HATES THE IDEA OF KILLING KIDS#BUT HE STILL DOES IT HE GOES AGAINST ALL HIS MORALS UGHHHHH#horror sans. horror sans my king horror sans my glorious lord and savior#i cannot WAIT to drop that character analysis. it will change lives. and by lives i mean me#i will be a changed man once the horror analysis comes out#anyways WHO IS THIS ANON AGAIN. its a question i always wonder because wtf#you have a daily question for me. this is like a log in event. if i answer all the questions in a row for a week i get a SPECIAL question#but fr thank you so much for your questions i love answering them its so fun to wrack my mind and figure out a way to answer it. brain teas#every time i see the words mtt expert i laugh lowly like an evil villain but i try not let it get to my head#humility is a standard i aim to uphold. one of my character traits. triglycercule character analysis when#tricule asks
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finished the show!! 10/10, better than I expected, yum! definitely wanna draw something about that, but it seems polite to tag spoilers - so blacklist b7spoiler if you're in the shoes of me an hour ago xD
#blakes 7#b7spoiler#spoilers ensue here too#god what a tasty gut stabbing#my brain is already racing making blake-anna parallels#avon shot her too on instinct on the first thought of betrayal#and then the suiside??? the episode was made for me personally#from the spoilers i assumed that blake truly was the betrayer who was working with federation#but learning that he still was with them? that is so ironic i lovvvve it#also can't not make the parallel with rorschach begging for death when he realized all was lost#also also i'm thinking that this time avon didn't rush to blake as soon as he learned where he was was because he just couldn'r re-live#the lost hope again......#also also also i'm assuming that orac was looking for clues allllll the time they were separated so avon was hoping against all odds#that it will find something#just waiting and hoping and telling himself that there's no chance and still hoping and hating himself for it and still hoping....#and then shooting the hope himself!!!!!!
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#vent post alert vent post alert!#you can skip ahead this is 100% me being dramatic but ohhh my god#why the fuck do people feel the need to comment on every single tiny thing that i do that literally doesn’t affect anybody#except for making my life that little bit easier??#a list of Very Rude things that i apparently do that don't sit well with people:#working with my overhead lights off when i'm alone in the office (one day a month)#greeting people with a general good morning and not going into every single room to announce my presence when i get into work#working with headphones on#(not bc it's against workplace policies just bc i don't make myself constantly available for chats with my coworkers)#worthy to note i'm not even the only one who does any of these things apparently it's just a problem when i do it go figure#rn it was keeping the pantry door closed bc the noise the electronics in the room make is particularly grating#(pantry door needs to be open at all times for ???? reasons)#i could go on#as you can tell these are all Very Serious and Bothersome Offenses#like i'm sorry very unobtrusively accommodating my autistic brain is such a bother for you#please how can i make YOUR experience even more comfortable at the expense of mine#fuck this shit honestly
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My toxic trait as a stay is that immediately upon learning minsung moved in together I assumed it was by choice (not a randomized partner arrangement) and then concluded everyone picked their own roommate.
#Minsung do randomly end up together so often too but this is such a huge deal to live with one person alone and anyway#Why would skz randomize room assignments when last time they split into dorms by work schedules#They reasoned that 3racha should live together but now they're in three separate dorms#It's a bit unreasonable to randomize it unless they take an actual issue rooming with the person closest in schedule#Even if minsung specifically wanted to room together why aren't Chan and Changbin sharing a dorm for convenience?#You can say it's randomized but again... why would they randomize it if normally binchan would prefer to share rides and work out together#And you could say they just wanted a change but Changbin and Hyunjin were already living together so they didn't change roommates#What's the point of randomizing for a change if they get their old roommate?#I can't help but suspect that Changbin and Hyunjin chose to move in together#And then that means the others chose each other too because#Why randomize when they can have Felix and Jeongin share a dorm where they game together#Or Jeongin and Seungmin share a dorm as vocalists who go to vocal classes together#And if chanlix were a thing theoretically they would have been in the same dorm Iike minsung but they are not#If skz did choose to randomize the roommate arrangements they inconvenienced themselves greatly going against previous logic#If they didn't randomize it that marks to me the death of all but four fandom ships. I don't think they're all dating or even queer#But if they were then the room split would have looked very different#Me personally I love that jeongchan are rooming together because that's my favorite dynamic#And I shall consider this a game changer in the way I view Hyunjin and Changbin's dynamic as well#My brain is going a mile an hour
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How do you get over the bad feelings of winning against someone else because you did better if you want to play fighting games it always makes me feel so bad when I do end up winning
#especially when its multiple rounds bc it makes me want to play worse so that they win because I want them to be having fun too#every single thing about playing fighting games for fun goes completely against how my brain works#and its keeping me from having fun video game time with so many people
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shakes this menace. why do you take so long to get drawn
#post let luce#my wip#tomorrow. tomorrow im gonna finish him#need to shadeee bc brain wont let me post flat colors only#if you can guess what the inspiration was we can be friends#anyways yes thats the eclipse design thats been haunting my brain#not an au no one get excited#just. eclipse#a little doll to just. clink against others when I want to#or maybe just a concept I needed to get out#n e ways yes im working on things
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#i think i first listened to this song around the time Behind The Codes became an official project#My brain probably associated the feelings of excitement and fear with the song so ig that's why I love it so much#On one side. I love working on the Behind The Codes#there's an overwhelming amount of ways to tell this story: brainstorming. designing. animating. writing and rewriting until your brain-#starts to fry and get foggy with so many ideas. its both good and stressful to push your limits like this#On another side. I'm constantly anxious about it#I've always been afraid to admit the things I enjoy as well as the things that i create#You don't allow yourself to create and embrace new things even when you're essentially alone#and yes I'm aware of the fact that there will be people who won't enjoy the series- which isn't what bothers me#What bothers me is that I might regret certain decisions#'This is not the message I wanted to convey'#'This is not the story I wanted to tell'#The decision to share this song here is the clearest example of what I mean:#Part of me says: this song is so btc oh my god please put it at the end credits wait THERE IS A 2ND PART OF IT AND IT'S EVEN COOLER OOOAAAA#then there's the main thought: this song is so stupid. it's so corny in a way it makes me uhghu7ujhkjg..#i won against my negative thoughts today. yay#this whole post is just me rambling and being anxious. i dont even know what to say hjdsfbwjkefkdsf#bye :waves:#starbstalks
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