#also my first time doing a depth of field thing. don’t like that!!! never again

[stark-lord]

My frame (that I clean forgot to post) for the @gomensframes project. Sometimes group projects have 500 people, entertain you, and offer a low pressure avenue to kick your ass out of a multiple year art rut. [commentator voice] join one Today!

close ups under the cut

My first time drawing msheen and my god his face is so incredibly satisfying. This baby’s got some solid planes

[twstbookclub]

Sharp Teeth, Tough Love

Summary: You caught Floyd's interest the moment fire and chaos erupted in the Mirror Chamber. One chance meeting gave you the nickname Shrimpy, and another left Floyd sinking deeper into the depths. POV: 2nd Person Pronouns: Gender-neutral Admin/Writer: Cressa🦋 Tags: Romance, Angst, No happy ending, sorry folks, Floyd Being Floyd, Slow Burn, Minor ADeuce and Grim Shenanigans again, Unrequited Feelings, Floyd's POV (I hope yall remember whose nickname belongs to who) Word Count: 3, 044 If yall needed to know, I wrote this on the same day I wrote the Riddle fic. My brain is spent on these two, and I couldn't be any happier. I wish I could end this another way, though. Poor terrifying and violent Floyd. One thing to note, it's really fascinating how he only calls someone by name if he really respected them. Also, if yall catch that reference to one of Floyd's lesson chats, I will love you forever. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy again 💕

Floyd could never forget the first time he saw you.

Your face was twisted into a flabbergasted frown, mingled with distress, confusion, and exasperation. The cat monster—he’ll call it Baby Seal since its tiny height and gray fur reminded him of one—ran amok and spewed fire everywhere. Kalim’s screams rang in the air, followed by Crowley’s indignant shouts. He watched the chaos unfold with intrigued eyes and a widening grin, revealing sharp teeth and a thirst for more wreckage.

Amidst the smoke that billowed and swirled in the Mirror Chamber, you stood in the middle of it. The harsh glow of the fire pierced Floyd’s eyes, but all he saw was your silhouette surrounded by dying embers and crackling flames. Just as his gaze landed on you, your head swiveled around to look back at him. As if some invisible force compelled you to find the eyes that burned into your figure.

He wanted to see you again.

The next time he saw you, you were with Baby Seal and those two freshmen in Heartslabyul: Crabby and Little Mackerel. Even Goldfish and Sea Bream were with you. The six of you lurked in the courtyard, as if trying to spy on something. Whatever you were doing, it caught his attention.

“Careful, Floyd,” Jade simpered after he followed his brother’s line of sight, “don’t scare the fish away.”

Of course, Jade already knew what Floyd was thinking with one look. There was a reason why they chose each other and survived the coldest, harshest waters.

“Yeah, yeah.” Floyd flippantly waved away Jade’s words with a languid grin, before he snuck on the group. It was laughable, how they didn’t notice his tall and gangly figure slink in front of them. The six students spoke in hushed whispers, too engrossed in their conversation to see the shadow that loomed over them. His eyes roamed each freshman, checking the fresh meat, but they lingered on you.

You looked so small, and he had to tilt his head down to see your eyes. Back then, during the entrance ceremony, you hunched over as if to curl into yourself. Small and weak and afraid.

Floyd’s lips stretched from one ear to the other. He’ll call you Shrimpy.

“Oh ho ho! What is up, Lil’ Goldfish?”

Goldfish jumped, sputtering and floundering like a fish caught by its prey. The rest showed varying degrees of surprise. Sea Bream’s smile became strained, and Floyd could see the junior sweat a little. Crabby flinched, while Little Mackerel took a step back with wide eyes. His fists were raised to his chest, and Floyd’s eyes narrowed at that.

Huh, one of them was ready for a fight. Interesting.

His attention shifted to you, wide eyes fluttering in disbelief. You craned your neck to look up at him with parted lips. As Floyd engaged Goldfish in a conversation more like interrogation, he felt like he was floating. It’s as if he could run around the track field without breaking a sweat from the look you gave him.

He wanted to see more of that. He wanted to see you more.

Your gaze drifted to Jade, and you froze. Floyd brushed it off as fear. That was how people usually reacted to them, anyway. It was nothing new. He focused on the conversation with Goldfish without sparing your reaction another thought.

One sunny day, a few days after that chance meeting, Floyd saw you in the courtyard again. You were with Baby Seal—he always was—along with Crabby and Little Mackerel. The latter two stood in front of you, who sat on the edge of the fountain. Baby Seal was standing next to you with this annoyed look. Meanwhile, the Leech brother was lounging on the grass. Alchemy class bored him, so he decided to skip and bathe in the sunlight on the courtyard.

None of them seemed to notice him. Floyd watched, still bored out of his mind. He was debating on whether to spook the group or otherwise, when he heard you laugh.

You tilted your head back, letting the sun illuminate the smile on your face. It was a toothy grin, one that crinkled your eyes and emphasized the chub of your cheeks. He barely saw the color of your irises, and your unrestrained laugh echoed in the desolate courtyard. You even snorted.

You tilted your head back so much that you tipped over and fell into the fountain with a loud splash. Floyd snickered, ignoring the warmth in his chest and the flutter of his heart. Howling laughter followed your fall. Crabby clutched his stomach and doubled over. Little Mackerel held back a smile as he flailed, unsure of how to help you, in front of the fountain. Baby Seal was laughing his ass off, belly flopping on the edge of the fountain.

He decided to stand from his spot and help you, since the entire thing entertained him. Although, when he stood tall and took a step towards the fountain, he paused. You were drenched in water, from the top of your head to the tip of your leather shoes. Locks of hair stuck to your forehead and cheeks. Your uniform clung to your skin, and it looked uncomfortable. Despite all that, your smile remained.

“You assholes!” You laughed with a loud wheeze, happy and carefree with that toothy and blinding grin. He could clearly hear you laugh and sputter, even with Crabby’s and Baby Seal’s loud snickers and laughter. As he watched Little Mackerel help you—and fail, because you slipped back into the fountain—a thought nagged at his mind. 

What should I do to make Shrimpy laugh like that again?

“Hey, Shrimpy!” Floyd chirped, grin too wide and sharp to be considered friendly. Little Mackerel and Crabby stepped back, as the sophomore grabbed your arm and tugged you out of the fountain. Your hand shot out to grip the edge, while you stood from the water.

“Need a lil’ help?”

“Oh merciful Seven—” Floyd pretended not to notice how your vocabulary changed in just a few months— “thanks, but how much did you see?”

The fact that you nonchalantly accepted his help, that you didn’t flinch from him, made Floyd’s heart do somersaults and cartwheels. The corners of his lips stretched towards his ears. He squeezed your arm and watched you step out of the fountain.

Water dripped from your uniform, and Floyd observed the droplets fall from your hair and fingertips. He briefly wondered what you’d look like if he dragged you into the sea. Would you be surprised? Would you scream?

Would you laugh and call him an asshole, like what you did earlier?

“What answer do you wanna hear, Shrimpy?” He teased, still grinning and holding your arm. For some reason, Floyd didn’t want to let go.

“The one that doesn’t embarrass me, thanks.” You chuckled, despite the other three freshmen being silent spectators of this interaction. As you thanked him again and flicked the water off your hands, Floyd couldn’t help but grin wider.

Another month passed. After that admittedly hilarious outburst from Azul, you became a regular at Mostro Lounge. You visited during the weekends, even if you were wary at first. You fell into a routine, just as fast as how you picked up on the lingo in Twisted Wonderland.

You walked in during the weekends and stayed for as long as an hour and thirty minutes. (Yes, Floyd kept count.) You’d talk to either Jade or himself, depending on whoever was waiting tables at the time. Azul passed by at times to make sure you were having a good time, obviously to maintain Mostro Lounge’s good reputation. After a few visits, Floyd began to monopolize your attention by literally taking over server duty during the days you visited.

Even if he had to subtly threaten Azul with profit loss via property destruction and sabotage.

“Hey Shrimpy,” Floyd drawled, sitting across from you in one of the booths. It was a slow day today, and all you ordered was a fruit shake. A history book was opened to some page Floyd didn’t care to know. Notes littered your table, and your penmanship occupied his attention a little.

That was, until he grew bored of the sounds of pen scratching paper and the clinking dishes in Mostro Lounge.

“Hm? Yeah, Floyd?” You asked, flipping a page and jotting down something on your notebook. The tall merman pouted, before he reached over and snapped your book shut. Before you could even react, he snatched it away and lifted it far from you.

“I’m boooored. C’mon, play with me!”

Floyd grinned when you stuttered and glared at him. Your reactions always amused him, moreso whenever you were irritated or angry. Something about the way your brows furrowed and your nose scrunched made him want to tease you more. When you began to flail your arms and make animated gestures, that was when he knew you were really fed up.

“You—” You sighed and stood up, trying to reach for the book. Floyd only lifted it higher, and he didn’t even need to stand up. The corner of his lips twitched, while he watched you struggle and stretch to snatch the book back.

“Floyd, give it back! Please? I promise I’ll—”

There was a reason why he always tried to annoy you. You’d always promise him something in the end: treat him to lunch, hang out with him in the Lounge, watch his basketball matches (even if you were there for Crabby, too). It was the only way he could spend time with you without outright asking for it.

Floyd wasn’t an idiot. He knew he liked you, and it all began with that incident involving the fountain. Even Jade pointed out the many times Floyd’s face lit up every time you were around. He couldn’t ignore how much his heart pitter-pattered every time he saw you. He couldn’t pretend that he wasn’t grinning every time he caught sight of you. The way his name rolled off your tongue made him giddy enough to want to throw you over his shoulder and skip class with you.

If he had a choice, he’d drag you to the deepest parts of the sea and keep you to himself.

The book was plucked out of his hand, but your own hands were empty. You owlishly blinked, and so did Floyd. Both of you stilled, until another voice broke through the quiet hustle and bustle of the Lounge.

“It’s not nice to play with the food in front of you, Floyd.” Jade smiled, the kind he usually wore that fooled anyone into thinking he was the safer option between the two brothers. It was still funny to Floyd how everyone gravitated towards Jade, only to realize the jagged teeth behind that fake smile of his.

You took your book from Jade with an awkward smile. “Ah, thanks, even if you said something subtly backhanded…”

“It’s my pleasure, Prefect,” Jade answered, his smile never wavering in that moment. Careful hands gripped the book and slipped it off his gloved one.

Without missing a beat, you set the book aside and asked, “How are you then, Jade? You and Floyd are usually together, but I haven’t seen you in a while.”

The book remained shut, as if you weren’t trying to get it back from Floyd to study earlier. The lazy smile he had dropped into a thin line. His eyes drooped as he watched the conversation between you and his brother. On the other hand, Jade still wore that perfected smile of his with a hand over his heart.

“I’ve been doing fine. Thank you for asking.” Jade hummed before adding, “I found this lovely new specimen—another species of fungi—while on a hike recently. You were interested in mountain hiking and foraging, am I correct?”

“Oh, yeah.” You laughed, light like tinkling bells. It was a stark contrast to the boisterous laugh you usually had. Floyd’s chest tightened, and his hands clenched into fists under the table.

Letting your laughter die down, you continued with a smile, “Can I join you next time? If not that, you have terrariums, right? Can I see them some time?”

Your smile was small and practiced. Whenever you smiled, it was always toothy and the corners pushed your cheeks up. Now, it reminded Floyd of a prissy princess who had been sheltered all her life. You smiled like a noble that faced the aristocrats in hopes of a good impression. You smiled like the guests his parents had, trying to curry their favor, while he and Jade grew up.

You solely focused on his brother, as if Floyd wasn’t sitting right in front of you for the last hour. Your book and notes laid forgotten on the table. Condensed droplets began to drip from the glass, and the fruit shake was forgotten as well. Even when the edge of one of your transcripts became wet, you didn’t bother moving it away from the glass.

Floyd wasn’t an idiot. Of course, he wasn’t.

His eyes flitted towards the smile you had, softened with an emotion he didn’t want to see. Your own eyes appeared brighter, livelier than whenever you were with him. Even when you sat down, your body was angled towards Jade as you leaned on the table with crossed arms.

His mood soured in that instant, and the pitter-patter of his heart dulled into silence.

Floyd scowled, standing from the booth and shoving his hands in his pockets. You jumped a little, while Jade watched him with that carefully crafted smile. He didn’t bother explaining himself. Jade knew already, and he didn’t owe you anything. You’d only take this as Floyd sulking because his brother ruined his fun.

“Whatever,” he mumbled and trudged out of the restaurant with an air of annoyance. Everyone who happened to be in his way immediately skirted around the Leech brother. One wasn’t fast enough, and Floyd’s arm knocked the tray out of the poor student’s hands.

His scowl deepened. He loomed over the terrified boy with his jaw clenched and eyes glinting ominously. The aggravated tone rang clear in his voice when he threatened, “Watch it, or do you want me to squeeze ya, huh?”

The Heartslabyul student silently despaired about his lunch. He was too intimidated and afraid of Floyd to even squeak. The merman left Mostro Lounge with a scowl and his fists in his pockets, like a child throwing a tantrum. He didn’t bother looking over to see your reaction.

Floyd was growing irritated at the thought that you’d give all your attention to Jade. He’d rather not see you make goo-goo eyes at his own brother. He didn’t want to think too much of it. Maybe he’d find something to do; something to get rid of this itch in his chest and fists.

If he couldn’t, then Azul would just have to deal with Crowley later. He wasn’t going to sit in that cramped office and get lectured by a headmaster that preened over his and the academy’s reputation.

As Floyd stomped through the portal that led back to Night Raven College, his thoughts veered towards you and Jade. His mind conjured every memory he had of you: how you perked up every time you saw Jade; how you always asked about him, even if you thought you were subtle about it; how you subconsciously gravitated towards Jade every time he was there—

A pair of Pomefiore students skittered towards the wall as Floyd passed by. A shadow loomed over his scowling face, which accentuated the dips and curve of his mouth. His blood boiled, and his footfalls grew heavier with each step. If he went on like this, Floyd would dig potholes in the corridors with his feet alone.

He always saw your smile brighten and look dainty around Jade. Your laugh grew softer, restrained and freakishly refined. It was as if you deliberately controlled yourself to look more appealing to his brother. It was annoying Floyd more than it should.

He liked you, even when your body tipped back and doubled over from laughing so much. He liked you, even if your laugh sounded like a dying whale. He liked you, even when you snorted so hard that it hurt your nose. He liked you, even when you smacked him on the shoulder out of exasperation. He liked you so much that he was tempted to tickle you in front of Jade—just so he could hear your loud and carefree laugh again.

He wanted all of you, even if you were weak and frail and helpless. He just wanted you.

He already hated how cheesy he sounded, but his heart called out for you with each waking moment. The image of your smile overlapped with his memory of your laugh. Your name was scrawled in his mind, his heart, his lips, his very soul. Floyd already knew it was bad if he was being poetic, sappy, and romantic like Seagull.

So, why’d you like Jade? His brother could care less about you in that sense. Floyd was already annoyed that Jade moved things behind the scenes: making sure that you were alone with Floyd as much as possible. They were brothers, but none of them would ever admit that they cared for each other out loud. That didn’t stop people from thinking Jade was the more capable and reliable brother than Floyd, cunning and mischief aside.

Floyd was the one who helped you out whenever he could. He was the one who spent the most time with you in Mostro Lounge. He was the one who made a beeline towards you every time he saw even a glimpse of your head. He was the one who made you laugh and smile, especially whenever he noticed that you were down in the dumps.

He found himself in the courtyard, and his mood soured more at the sight of the fountain. The memory of you, laughing and sitting like a drenched duck in the water, overlapped with the image. Grumbling, he kicked a pebble off the path and clenched his jaw.

“Ah…” Floyd sighed and ran a hand through his hair, before ruffling the locks on the back of his head. His feet halted right in front of the fountain, with its clear and burbling water. Looking down at his reflection, he saw your face beside his—all smiles and eyes hiding behind your cheeks. His heart felt weird, as if being strangled by some invisible force that Floyd couldn’t punch nor squeeze.

He clicked his tongue and looked away from his reflection. With a frustrated groan, he mumbled to himself, “Why did it have to be Jade, Shrimpy? I’d fight tooth and nail for ya, but it’s Jade.”

With that, Floyd kicked the base of the fountain like a petulant child. A dull crack echoed in the desolate courtyard, before water gushed out of the broken stone. It spilled through the fissure, and Floyd took a step back to keep his shoes from getting drenched.

He frowned again and stalked off to find something else to occupy his time with. The afternoon sun showered the courtyard with a golden glow, which only reminded him of the time the sunlight illuminated your grinning face as you laughed.

“Why’d it have to be you, Prefect?” Floyd mumbled, shoulders sagging and foot kicking another pebble in the way. Maybe, in the near future, he’d get bored and forget about you. His heart wouldn’t do that weird pitter-patter, and his lips wouldn’t twitch into a grin with one look at you. His chest wouldn’t grow fuzzy and warm. He wouldn’t get the urge to run to where you were whenever he wanted to see you—which was every day, honestly.

Floyd hoped he would forget about you, but you were so difficult to forget. He’d never find someone else who captured his interest this much. He’d never find someone who looked so beautiful, even if the noises that left them were unattractive and childish. Even if their smile was too wide to be natural. Even if they were fascinated by him at first sight, rather than scared and intimidated.

No one else would be like you, but you just had to like his brother instead.

[leveloneandup]

(Photo: Katelyn Mulcahy/Getty Images for Angel City FC)

Christen Press set to return to Angel City training

Christen Press is returning to Angel City FC training this week, the team announced on Monday. Press, who tore her ACL in June 2022, has had a lengthy rehabilitation process that included four surgeries. While she has been training individually for the past few months, her full return to the team’s training environment is set for Tuesday.

“My first day, I’ll do the warm up and the passing pattern with the team, but it will still be the first time I’ve done a legitimate passing pattern with a bunch of bodies on the field and checking angles, because it’s just been one-on-one training for two years,” Press told The Athletic on Monday. “We really are looking at — I got my first ACL surgery June 22 (2022), a week before that I tore my ACL — so really coming up on a two-year mark since the last time I played soccer, the last time I’ve been in team training. When I first told Angel City (about my return), I was thinking, let’s just keep it closed, let me come in on a day when no one’s going to be there and let’s just see how it is. Then I reversed, I changed my mind, because I was like, ‘Shoot, who knows how many milestones I have left to celebrate? Who knows what’s going to happen after this first team training?’ So if this is something we can all celebrate, let’s just go for it, because this journey has been really, really long.”

In January, Press spoke to The Athletic while still officially designated as having a season-ending injury. At that point, she did not have a firm timeline for her return, though she expected it to be at some point during the 2024 season.

“The first thing I need to do is get into training, but then I can get into games, then I can score goals, then I can have an outstanding season, then I can play on the national team again,” Press said. “I don’t have anything ruled out. But the most important thing for me right now is just the first step: getting back into training.”

With that first step now imminent, Angel City has not yet given an estimated return for Press in a NWSL match. The team is currently in 12th place in the standings through 11 matches played.

The timing also should prove a tough turn for Press to get herself into Olympics contention with the USWNT. New USWNT head coach Emma Hayes is expected to name the 18-player roster by the end of the month ahead of the final two send-off matches in July, but considering the depth of the forward pool and Press’ absence for two years, a return to the USWNT is far more likely to be a long-term goal.

“If you’re looking from a nine month perspective, I’m already past that right,” Press added on Monday. “A 9-12 month ACL perspective is not too far off, if we just look at my last surgery. But for whatever reason, I never really looked at the Olympics. With all the trauma of missing the World Cup, then watching the World Cup, then doing the show for the World Cup, I was like, I can’t do this again with the Olympics, because no matter how chill or zen I seem when I talk about it, there’s no way your mind can’t start doing the math, right? There’s no way. I’m like, ‘Oh, I’m not like every other athlete, I can handle this.’ Then I’ll catch myself in the middle of the night counting how many weeks I have left. You can’t stop that. You can’t stop the dreaming, and you want that. That’s part of it, but it’s also the torturous part of it, and the balance of trying to believe you can do something incredible hard and the balance of not getting too excited.”

[amorhedera6]

((this turned out longer and more in depth then i meant for it to go, tw for abusive families, suicidal ideation, mentions of death, grief, and dismembering of a body))

headcannon that steph and max were best friends as kids. his dads an important man, one that solomon wanted on his side. so he pushed steph to spend time with his son. max was a super happy kid, very exciteable, loved musicals. they were on their own a lot, since neither of their parents really gave a shit, so they’d spend a lot of time at starlight theatre, watching all the different shows and things going on. max would tell her about how shitty his dad was and she’d do the same in return.

when they got to the 7th grade, steph got really depressed and pushed max and everyone else away. and max was little, they both didn’t really know what was going on. after that, they weren’t ever really close like that again. she got on the middle school football team and was deemed a prodigy, got popular, started getting all these friends that would do whatever he said. things with his dad got worse, and without steph to help him he started bullying to corral his emotions. steph knew what he was doing, but also knew it wasn’t serious. he pushed a few people around a little, that’s all. she didn’t think she had to be worried about her friend and now that he was super popular, she needed other people to spend her time with.

she also became cool, just because he said hi to her in the hallways, so she found herself in with his group. but she never truly felt she fit in, skirting along the edges. in high school, her friends all joined the cheer squad as she joined the smoke club and stop giving a shit about school. she never made sense in the “popular kid” crowd, but she assumed they kept her around bc she was the mayor’s daughter and pushing her out wouldn’t fly. it was actually max, making sure she got an invite to every party.

steph sort of floats through high school disassociatedly, in the my-home-life-is-terrible-and-isn’t-gonna-get-better-until-college-so-i-don’t-give-a-shit way, so she doesn’t see the escalation of max knowing no one will stop him doing anything, getting a total god complex, and ruling the school with violence, until pete. she’s probably the only person in hatchetfield high that doesn’t know, but it surprised her so much. bc max? the boy who would geek out over tech production of the musicals? the kid who let her be the captain when they were pirates bc he thought it was more fun to be the first mate? who’d stay up late with her when she had a bad day to read the books their moms were had promised to read to them? that boy is this horrible bully, and she didn’t even know it? it just doesn’t make sense.

she says she’ll go to the principal bc that’s the first instinct one has about this shit, but people started doing that in 8th grade, and all that happens is max has to go to an anti bullying thing every few months. she wants to talk him down, figure out what made him go this far, but she already knows it’s his dad. he wants to be the big impressive football star that his dad wants him to be, so maybe he’ll actually give a shit. he wants his dad to notice and tell him to stop, because then it would mean he was paying attention to what he did. daddy issues recognize daddy issues, and steph sees it in max, even if she did have prior knowledge. she goes along with grace’s plan bc she thinks it’ll be a good ego check to bring him down, but then. then.

she goes home and cries herself to sleep, feeling responsible for the death of her first real friend. she gets sick for weeks with flashes of her dismembering his body with the others, and while every one else’s seems to think the school’s getting better, all stephanie can think is “did no one else fucking care about him? even a little?” all his friends, the football guys, even her friends on the cheer squad, seem to not care about max’s disappearance as much as they care about his missing spot on the field. she starts to skip more until she decides to hang out with pete instead. he must be guilty too, be haunted by these images, but then he says “everything is objectively better.”

which she gets. people are free from his torment, they can do what they want, talk to who they want, etc. the hallways are brighter, people are happier, whatever. but max was still a person. steph wonders if the plan had gone right, maybe he would’ve come back down from his god complex and been more like she remembered him. if he would’ve done the spring musical like he’d always wanted to do but never felt like he could. if he would’ve hated her for it forever. she’d rather he hate her forever than her have helped kill him.

when they have to start talking about what happened, she tries to call him jägerman, tries to disconnect her friend from what happened, because he truly was drastically different, but it was hard. after richie and ruth, shut goes crazy and max is back, but he’s not really max. she feels like the worst friend in the world when she think “he looks like his dad”

because mr jägerman has always been a being full of rage and anger, not one to hide in his own home. she’d seen him scream and yell at max for being a regular little kid, not special at all. not the perfect son he wanted. max, this weird spector of max, is all rage, no heart. even when max was at his worst, he had some heart. he kept her in the “cool group” even though she made no sense there, let grace go unbullied bc he had a crush on her. this wasn’t max. this was a personification of his dying moments, the only thing the waylon place did was preserve, and maybe further his anger.

she wants to beg pete to kill her the way he begs her to kill him. she started all this, even if she denied it at beanies, it’s true, and she is probably the only one who could have helped max stay a regular guy instead of the egomaniac ruler of the school he became. but she can’t get the words off her tongue. so long she’s been thinking about how easier everyone’s lives would be if she just killed herself, and now she can’t even do this. he gets on his knees in the football field, she raises the gun from twenty yards away, and thinks about how many people this thing that isn’t really max has killed.

she forces herself to pull the trigger.

max stops the bullet.

grace fucks the ghost, and all is well. except she’s met gods who seem like they want to eat her, and now her father’s dead too. he was an asshole, he never really cared about her, but she sobs for hours n the big empty house on pinebrook, and wishes desperately that she had made pete do it.

she and pete check on each other, because he also lost two people important to him, and they hold each other up. get each other through it. help each other mourn. she meets his older brother, he helps her clean out her father’s office. they go to funerals together and hold hands, and don’t talk about it.

it takes her a little while to realize his homecoming offer is still up, since things are technically different now. she buys a dress and tells him only the color, and he wears a matching bow tie. it’s such a ridiculously peter thing to do, and it makes her laugh for the first time in a while. they laugh together a lot that night, and she helps him breathe through a panic attack in the bathroom when ruth’s favorite song comes on.

she tells him about the images she can’t get out of her head, maxs body in pieces, the blood everywhere, that she burned the clothes she wore that day bc she couldn’t get the smell of blood and bleach out no matter how often she washed it. he tells her that he’s having flashbacks like that too, and that he wishes he could talk to his therapist about it without being sent to jail or a mental hospital.

she talks to detective shapiro and gets her to send a letter to peters therapist that he’s not gonna be arrested so pete can talk his shit out. at least the non-ghost and demon stuff. the dismembering a guy stuff, though, he can talk about.

it gets her thinking about therapy and getting some. she’s 18, she’s got more money than is necessary from her father, and she thinks she’s going crazy. she looks into it and finds one, starts going once a week. he tells steph he things she has adhd, sends her to a psychiatrist who confirms the diagnosis. she gets some drugs to take, and she feels weird about taking them. she’s done drugs, but like the cool ones. she knows not to do drugs you’re unfamiliar with when your alone, and she feels like she’s a lot of that.

homecoming was fun, but she and pete still haven’t out any label in their relationship. they haven’t said i love you, even though everything that went down means the both know it. she wants to be his girlfriend, but she doesn’t want to ask. wants him to ask. she tells her therapist as much, and then complains that she’s paying him bc she’s got daddy issues and trauma, not to hear about her high school drama.

but miraculously, he does ask her to be his gf. and then they’re dating, and it’s great. she spends more time at his apartment with his brother, less time alone in the big empty house just thinking about max and her hand in who he became. he and her therapist together convince her to start taking the meds, and it helps with some of her problems, but not all of them.

she forces herself to keep living, even when she doesn’t want to, because that’s what max (her best friend, the kid who was too scared tontry out for the musical, the asshole, the boy she knew better than herself, the adult she apparently hardly knew, the spector she could only half recognize) would want from her.

[savindeku]

as a long time bnha fan, had to drop some thoughts i’ve been having about the manga ending! i’ve held this series near and dear to my heart, through the moments when i felt it was great story telling and when i felt so much was missing, or didn’t quite hit the mark. so i definitely don’t think bnha (or hori) is above critique, i love to yap about this series ((:

MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD FOR THE ENTIRE SERIES BUT OF COURSE PARTICULARLY FOR CHAP 430

to me, there’s three main parts to the ending that i felt make sense:

izuku giving up OFA

izuku becoming a teacher

izuku still having the chance to be a true quirkless hero

going into depth on each of these, while i love the inclusion of these three pieces, i can understand why the actual execution didn’t land with folks. even i have my qualms! okay let’s get into it! ps. this is really me just yapping away from the heart so bare with it 🫰🏽

1) izuku giving up OFA:

I think this one should not come as too much of a surprise, given that the reveal of OFA essentially being the cause of the early demises of the previous holders sort of insinuated an uncontrollable aspect to the power. even though izuku has an advantage as someone who was quirkless, it still creates a sense of foreshadowing that this is a gift that might have an expiration date. of course, a part of me would have loved for him not to have given it up but there’s enough build up there that it doesn’t feel out of left field. in addition to the running theme in the series being that anyone can be a hero/a quirk doesn’t make a hero, there’s certainly some symbolism in izuku now affectively being without, making him a quirkless hero - what he had dreamed of since the first chapter.

2) izuku becoming a teacher:

personally, i really love this for him! as a consumer of many a fanfic, i have grown obsessed with this job alternative for him, since it allows him to continue to work in the hero field, he can inspire the next generation to save to win (that as long as you willing to extend that helping hand, that’s what being a real hero is), his analytic mind is doing important work, and can use his own experience to help others learn! “deku sensei” makes my heart so happy and if anything, i would’ve loved an extra chapter just to see him as a teacher. one thing ill add here is, i can understand some disappointment with this or frustration at hori because to some, it may seem izuku ended up becoming complacent and didn’t at least try to continue to pursue his dream of being a hero after the war. not sure where i fall on this, but food for thought.

3) izuku still having the chance to be a true quirkless hero (sorry this is gonna be long lol):

now to really get into the big reveal for this final chapter - a tech suit designed just for izuku (at the main request of a one katsuki bakugou, which yeah i Will Be Totally Normal About) so he can still be on the field as a pro-hero!! okay i also loved this, i won’t deny it as much as im on the deku sensei train! bnha is a series that is never going to please everyone and its ripe with many issues throughout but i do think this was a beautiful way to wrap it up. once again, from chapter 1, we are met with izuku who wants nothing more to be a hero despite being quirkless. i never really liked the argument of “well why didn’t he try harder or train up” when the series explains to us over and over again that this is a society that values quirks above all else. its a literal systemic issue (hitting close to home but i digress), where izuku would NEVER have been accepted as a quirkless hero no matter how hard he worked because it simply isn’t designed to allow that (also where the fuck would he have gotten the resources for that is beyond me lmao).

to me, this part was actually very important for bringing the story to a full circle in which we actually (somewhat, but arguable not completely) address the core issue and theme “people are not born equal”. instead of perpetuating a “pull yourself up by your boot straps” mindset, hori tells a story where we acknowledge the system and how it is working as intended - and that’s the very reason it needed dismantling. of course, i think along the way, we maybe lost the plot at times (thinking about how we didn’t fully address izuku’s martyrdom mindset, children get sent off to war multiple times, most of the villains being k*lled off rather than being saved as izuku wanted) but there’s much evidence of this. knowing that there was still the spirit of a hero in izuku - which is MADE SO CLEAR HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HAVING A QUIRK - and he now has the chance to continue onward, quirkless. i mean c’mon, it’s really something (to me at least).

bonus note time

here’s a sprinkle of random lingering thoughts. one critique i saw was that it felt strange for izuku to accept he couldn’t be a pro-hero until his friends (ehm mainly Katsuki teehee) gifted him the suit. as if he really just gave up and this sort of hurts any character development for izuku. while i see the thought process here and would’ve also welcomed izuku getting the suit designed himself, it doesn’t upset me quite as much that this is how it actually played out. it’s definitely conflicting feelings for me because ultimately i would’ve loved for izuku to have had an arc where it was more explicitly stated that he overcame his overly sacrificial tendencies - or that the story spent time sitting with the trauma inflicted on the children fighting a war. but here is where bnha slacks off (imo) - we don’t get that breath to explore or analyze or genuinely know izuku’s thoughts or feelings on the matter (beyond that he’s sad that shigaraki died, enjoys being a teacher, and can admit that he misses his quirk). so in this way, it makes sense why hori chose this path. it’s more about his friends extending their hand to him, an offering of never leaving anyone behind who is a hero, quirk or not. i think of it as something more symbolic than it having to say anything about izuku’s character. i think for that to be addressed, there’s so many things further back we would need to unravel too lol

lastly - bnha is also a story about disabilities!! there’s been a decent amount of analysis on this so i won’t say much but i think this is also good to keep in mind. it helps for understanding the metaphor in place - quirks can be disabling and rather than creating a world that is accessible to all, the world requires that you figure it out instead. “people are not born equal” what if we dared to dream of a world that understood “we each take shape differently…” so that we might want to care for one another. so we can build something that makes the space for all of us to be able to live and thrive.

okay so that’s what i’m feeling now! like i said, i really love bnha and i simply can’t bring myself to say i hated the ending or anything. it’s a series that will always have a special place in my heart! there’s are just thoughts rattling in my brain and how ive interpreted things as someone whose read the manga the last 5 years! it’s crazy to look back and remember key moments that shook the fandom to its core. anyway, if you read all of this, thanks!! :D

[youcouldmakealife]

LBTE: Jared (153-154)

The Blanket War.

If you'd like to follow along, the series page is here.

153. Wage(r)s of War

If Jared knew the blanket was going to turn into a whole thing, he probably would not have stolen it.

Scratch probably: Jared definitely wouldn’t have stolen it. Even though it wasn’t really stealing, since it was originally his, and he never told his parents they could give it away to someone else. That’s not theft, that’s like — rightful ownership. Jared is the rightful owner of the blanket.

But still.

Jared’s saying this when it’s just a thing and not even a Thing yet.

Especially since the Canucks put two and two together, and are now giving Jared copious amounts of shit for losing his blanket to an Oiler not once but twice.

“As if you had nothing to do with us losing those games,” Jared says.

In hindsight, he probably should not have said that to his goaltender, but he still thinks volunteering him for the children’s hospital Halloween trip is unfair.

I applauded Jared’s survival instinct last time, but it’s terrible and Jared’s lucky his penance is ‘cheer up children’ and not ‘be murdered by goaltender’, frankly.

“I know,” Jared says, and irritably adjusts his eye patch. He’s supposed to be colouring, but he can’t see properly with it on, and he keeps colouring outside the lines just a bit, which is infuriating. He can’t take it off, though, because the one time he did Gabe said he looked like a hipster French stereotype, and when Gabe insults you it’s hard not to take it to heart.

I wrote this after having personally experienced eye patch-hood post surgery the first. Definitely fucks with your field of vision and your depth perception, among other things. The cool thing is it makes you look like a pirate, though!

Jared knew he shouldn’t have listened to Bryce about the striped shirt being pirate-y.

Striped shirts are very dependent on accessorizing. Eye patch? Pirate. Beret? Old school Parisian stereotype.

Bryce brought out the sling for the hospital, over a lazy cowboy costume made entirely out of shit in Bryce’s closet from his Flames days. He hasn’t strictly needed to wear it for awhile, but the kids all gravitate to Bryce, asking about it. The third time a child under the age of six solemnly told Bryce to get better soon Jared had to excuse himself and find Dmitry until he was comfortably annoyed again.

Jared carefully talking around things so he doesn’t use the word ‘adorable’. And this is a smart AF move by Bryce, who understands that kids will want to talk to someone they perceive as similar to them in that way. He truly does love kids, and he gets them too. (Don’t say it, Jared.)

“Look, J,” Bryce says delightedly. “The kids all signed my sling.”

His sling is an absolute mess of Sharpie. Though frankly the signatures of children aren’t significantly worse than the signatures of hockey players, so it’s no worse than some casts that got signed today.

Jared grunts.

Adorable.

“Are you still mad about the stripes?” Bryce says.

Jared grunts again.

“I like your moustache,” Bryce says.

Two kids, both named Logan, were very insistent that pirates had to have moustaches, and he couldn’t think of a counterpoint, so now he has a moustache.

Jared, you fool, don't listen to the Logans, that's not pirates. A skinny pencil moustache stereotypically belongs to…

Now he looks like a dude who had a kid scribble all over his face instead of a French hipster, at least. He takes the eye patch off.

“Bonjour, Mathématiques,” Gabe says as he comes up behind them. “Très belle moustache.”

THE FRENCH!!!

Also shoutout to Gabe for translating Jared’s nickname for the occasion.

And however much it sucks for him, he knows it’s way worse for Bryce. He’ll never say it aloud, but he was kind of grateful when Gavin got injured and flew home halfway through the trip, because he came over to their place during games and kept Bryce company.

Jared appreciates Gavin’s sacrifice. Gavin not so much.

That had been Elaine’s job, but Jared’s pretty sure she handed over the duty to Gavin without an ounce of regret. Even she has limits. At least, Jared assumes she does? He’s never seen her reach them, but they have to exist.

Bryce’s DWI. That was her limit. She had never been angrier at Bryce than that day, and never will be again.

“Wait, is that Oilers game tape?” Bryce asks.

“If we lose this game Julius is going to keep holding my blanket hostage,” Jared says. “So we can’t lose.”

Bryce is a little concerned about his husband’s sanity right now.

“Babe,” Bryce says. “It’s not your blanket anymore, you know that, right? He’s not holding it hostage, he just has like, custody of it. It’s a bet blanket now.”

“It’s my bet blanket,” Jared says. “That I’m going to win. And refuse to give back, even if we lose.”

Bryce gives him an almost comically disappointed look. “That’s not how bets work, J.”

You can’t break the terms of the bet. That’s low. Bryce is judging you.

“It’s a bet blanket now,” Bryce says gently.

“I know it is,” Jared mutters. He would give it back if the Canucks lost. Probably. The important thing is to never lose to the Oilers again so that it isn’t relevant.

“Is this a weird thing you have to do by yourself?” Bryce asks. “Or can I watch the Oilers in the dark too?”

Bryce is truly such a great guy. How did Jared get so lucky.

“You should see who’s at the door,” Bryce says, in the worst casual voice ever.

“If you got me a singing valentine or some shit—“ Jared says. It’s nowhere near Valentine’s, but that’s hardly something that would stop Bryce.

Fair.

“Let me in!” comes from the hall, and Jared’s blood goes cold.

“Why is there a demon at our door?” Jared hisses.

Bryce has the audacity to roll his eyes and get up himself.

Do demons have to be invited in or is that just vampires?

“Yeah, a ninety minute flight is like, a crazy long trip,” Erin says, shoving a bag off one of the stools around the island in their kitchen before sitting down. Jared thinks that might be the first time someone’s sat there since the day they moved in. The couch is for eating when they’re not hosting, and they don’t really host — well, ever. Unless Gavin counts, but Jared has doubts. And Elaine’s Elaine.

“Oh sick, I was looking for that everywhere,” Bryce says.

They do often drink coffee at the island, but that’s a leaning on the counter sort of situation. The stools aren't actually all that comfortable, and rather than, oh, get other ones, they just sort of...avoid them.

Jared squints at her. “You’re just in Vancouver because Julius is.”

“Yeah, no shit,” Erin says. “And I should be ashamed of myself, considering the incredible welcome I’m receiving from you.”

Erin is experiencing such hospitality.

Bryce hipchecks his way past Jared to give Erin another hug. “Jared’s just jet lagged and grumpy,” he says. “I’m really happy you’re here.”

But unironically, in the case of Bryce. This is why he’s her favourite brother.

Jared will not quit glaring, but he does take a seat, after displacing a sweater that has probably been there since last spring.

“Hey, I was looking for that too,” Bryce says delightedly.

Bryce gets to see Erin AND recovers objects he thought were lost forever? Today’s so great.

“Yes please,” Erin says. “You’re going to give me a complex if you keep looking at me like that, Jared.”

“Good,” Jared says, but hauls her in for a one-armed hug, releasing her before Bryce turns away from the fridge. The last thing Jared wants to do is give him the impression that inviting Erin to visit is acceptable behaviour.

Yeah, can’t show weakness by…letting your husband see you hug your sister?

“Oh man,” Erin says, somehow reading Jared’s mind, which he hates that she can still do. “Do you think I can meet Stephen while I’m here?”

“No,” Jared says flatly. He will do everything in his power to prevent that from happening. He fears he’ll learn firsthand how it feels to be a middle child if he does.

That’s exactly what Erin’s hoping for.

“I can ask Gabe if they’re free after the game tomorrow,” Bryce says, pulling his phone out of his pocket.

Jared digs his fingers into Bryce’s knee under the table.

“I’m asking,” Bryce says, not even bothering to look injured.

It’s cute that you think you can stop him.

She’s presumably staying with Julius tonight, but the Oilers have to be flying out right after the game tomorrow, since they’ve got a matinee against the Golden Seals on Sunday. He’s unsure Bryce is willing to give up his sulking room before he returns to game shape. Or possibly ever. He likes a good sulk. Jared doesn’t even think he’s sulking in there all the time, has pivoted to watching shitty TV without Jared’s judgment and facetiming Maia. At least Jared hopes that’s what the ‘Bryce talking to a baby’ voice is about.

That is precisely what Bryce is using the sulking room for now. Bad TV and video chats. Also naps sometimes.

“Elaine insisted I stay with her,” Erin says. “We’re having a girl’s day on Sunday, then she’s taking me to the airport.”

Of course Elaine did. Of course they are.

Elaine always wanted a daughter too, she is as thrilled to spoil Erin as Bryce is.

Bryce looks up from his phone. “Can I come for girl’s day?”

“Duh,” Erin says.

“Sick,” Bryce says.

“I don’t want to come for girl’s day,” Jared says. “For the record.”

“We know,” Bryce says, over Erin’s snort.

Nobody even invited you.

154. The Spoils

“Halla,” Jared says. “We meet again.”

I do have some series where in media res isn’t out of place, but Jared isn’t one of them, so this is a bit of a shake up. I just really wanted a tight focus mano-a-mano standoff that is entirely undermined by the fact it’s over a fucking blanket.

“You better have brought the blanket,” Jared says.

“I did,” Julius says. “It made for very comfortable naps on the plane. It is a good blanket.”

“Your next plane nap is going to suck,” Jared says.

“Maybe,” Julius says. “Or maybe it will be a victory nap.”

“That’s all you’ve got?” Jared says. “Victory nap?”

“Want to talk trash in Finnish instead?” Julius asks.

First point goes to Halla.

“Are you guys almost done with that trash talking?” Rogers asks. “You’re kind of blocking the locker room.”

“Shit, sorry,” Jared says, and he and Julius scoot out of the way to let Rogers through.

Also it starting with a tight focus on them facing off means I can introduce details later, like the fact they’re standing right in front of the visitors room, blocking everybody.

“Nice to see you, Jared,” Rogers says.

“Yeah, you too, Darryl,” Jared says, accepting the shoulder clap from Rogers, the loose hug from Morris as he follows Rogers into the locker room.

Love you Roge, love you Benny.

“I’m gonna—“ Jared says, pausing while yet another Oiler nudges past them into the room.

How dare everyone undermine the dignity of this blanket fight by using the visitors room for its intended purpose.

“I have practice. Enjoy losing tonight.”

“No one enjoys losing,” Julius says.

“Obviously,” Jared says. “It’s a saying. It’s like—“

Julius blinks at him.

“It’s just a thing you say,” Jared says. “Precisely because nobody enjoys losing.”

Julius continues to blink at him.

“Are you fucking with me?” Jared asks.

I love when Julius uses his natural poker face for evil.

“I told Coach your sister is in town,” Gabe says when Jared gets onto the ice, surprised he didn’t get yelled at for showing up to practice ten minutes late. Coach is fine if you run late, but only if you let him know in advance, and Jared’s side-trip was due to a slightly deranged whim when he saw Oilers leaving the ice after their own practice.

Slightly?

Also look at Gabe, making excuses for Jared (not lying though! He said only facts. Gabe draws the line at lying in most situations.)

“Had a meeting with some Oilers,” Jared says.

“You know, anyone else I’d assume that was a euphemism for catching up with old friends,” Gabe says. “But not you.”

“Thank you,” Jared says.

“It wasn’t a compliment,” Gabe says after a moment.

Jared is aware. Still thankful, though.

Better to be known as ridiculous than as friendly, says Jared. Am I right?

(Julius is with him.)

“Julius,” Jared calls.

Julius pretends not to hear him.

I love that Jared has stooped to ‘pay attention to me!’.

No Erin. Jared guesses she doesn’t need to swarm the glass to see him, but he was curious what jersey she’d be wearing. Presumably Oilers, but Jared wouldn’t put it past her to wear a Matheson Oilers jersey to piss both him and Julius off.

I also love that Jared knows his sister just as well as she knows him. That is exactly what she’s wearing. Nobody knows who she's cheering for.

“I’m busy,” Julius says. “We already talked trash. Now I am warming up.”

Jared sputters. “I’m not done.”

Julius starts skating away. Backwards, to be extra annoying.

“I’m not done, Julius!” Jared says.

Julius waves goodbye, then turns around and skates over to the Julius Halla Fan Club by the net, grabbing a puck and flipping it to a kid holding a sign.

Another point to Halla.

Jared eyes the red line.

“Don’t do it, Math,” Gabe says, suddenly hovering at his shoulder, like he sensed trouble.

“Ugh,” Jared says, and goes to practice shooting until he isn’t so tempted to hip check Julius right into the Oilers bench.

Point to Markson.

“You’re welcome for the stupid blanket,” Ridley says when when Jared reaches him in the goalie appreciation line.

AKA the ‘hug your goalie line’.

Jared receives a text from Julius letting him know that Erin will be facilitating the blanket hand off, since the Oilers are headed straight to the airport. He’d prefer if it came directly from Julius, but post-game travel nights are what they are — the absolute worst, especially after losses — and that’s before you include the wrinkle of his girlfriend being in town. Jared isn’t petty enough to demand Julius carve out some of his very limited remaining time in Vancouver for the hand off. He probably would be, honestly, except he still remembers how hard it was for him and Bryce to work around competing hockey schedules.

Point for Matheson, but I refuse to indicate which.

“Sting a little to hand it over?” Jared asks smugly, taking the blanket from her. He squints at her outfit: no Canucks jersey, but no Oilers jersey either. A sweater Jared vaguely recognises as one Bryce got her for Christmas a few years back. Bryce clearly recognises it too — he looks pleased.

Erin’s no longer repping either side. Only Bryce’s.

“Dad owes me a dinner of my choice,” Erin says.

“Dad owes — of course he does,” Jared says.

“Some people don’t put their family first,” Erin says. “But I do, Jared. I do.”

“How would Julius feel if he knew you were betting against him?” Jared asks.

“He’s eaten dad’s food before,” Erin says with a shrug. “And I promised a cut of the spoils, obviously. I’m cashing in on a Battle of Alberta night. Julius wants salmon.”

Julius figures if he loses the game, he may as well get a good homecooked meal out of it.

“He knows, then,” Jared says.

Of course she didn’t accidentally give Jared leverage. She would never make such a rookie mistake.

Never underestimate the master.

“Is that Stephen?” Erin says, sitting straighter. “That’s Gabe, so that’s definitely Stephen.”

She has been waiting for this moment since the first time Jared referred to him as ‘the worst person I have ever met’ in a complimentary tone.

She stands up, smoothing her sweater out like she doesn’t want to appear wrinkled in Stephen’s presence. Which is the right call, honestly. Stephen is a very judgmental person.

She hopes to collaborate with Stephen in being mean to Jared, and first impressions are very important.

“Littlest Matheson,” Stephen says, as he arrives at the table. “We finally meet.”

“Jared’s tormentor,” Erin says. “I’ve heard so many terrible things about you.”

Stephen holds his arms out, and Erin walks right into them.

“Neither of you are huggers!” Jared says. “Like, at all!”

They’ll make an exception for co-conspirators.

He tries to make longsuffering eye contact with Gabe, but Gabe just grins back at him.

Stephen has also been waiting for this moment. Gabe is enjoying his enthusiasm.

“It’s like having another sister,” Stephen says over Erin’s head. “But not terrible because she’s not mine.”

He understands Gabe’s affection for his sisters a little better. Not WELL, but better.

Jared is going to meet Stephen’s sisters, and he is going to befriend them for the sole purpose of gaining blackmail material about Stephen, of which he’s sure there is plenty, and then Stephen will regret this day.

Jared keeping things in perspective while he silently plots his revenge.

But right now Jared appears to be the only one regretting this day. Everybody else appears to be having a great time.

I am included in everybody else.

“Stop hugging each other!” Jared says, then, “No, don’t — this is not a group hug moment, Erin! Stephen! Get off of me!”

The collaboration begins.

“Delete that footage,” Jared says, then, “Seriously, Bryce?”

“I’m just sending it to my mom,” Bryce protests.

So, reminder that this video makes it to social media, and that the ‘seriously, Bryce?’ is used as supporting evidence that Bryce and Jared are married, because Jared is using a 'you are exasperating me' voice that is not exactly bros.

Elaine appreciates the video very much.

“Everybody but Bryce, delete it,” Jared says, though he doesn’t have much hope he’ll be obeyed, and even less hope it won’t end up online somewhere. He’s sure that’s exactly the sort of thing the Canucks social media team would love to get their hands on. He’s sure that the more undignified he looks, the more they’d want it. And he suspects he looked extremely undignified.

Every single one of Jared’s assumptions is correct. Especially the last one.

Erin posts a few pictures that end up on the internet when she gets home — or, Jared guesses, the wider internet, not just Erin’s followers on Instagram.

Considering Erin is dating the Oilers star forward, sister of his former liney, and 'practically sister' of the Canucks star forward, naturally she has plenty of followers from the hockey world. And naturally people enjoy pictures of Jared looking like he’s suffering greatly while getting hugged by his sister and someone many misidentify as Julius.

“I don’t know who she was cheering for, but she bet on the Canucks,” Jared says, then internally winces, because with the way the internet twists everything, that’ll turn into some ‘Erin Matheson is a disloyal girlfriend’ storyline. Jared hates twitter. And crap, add a possible ‘player’s girlfriend is betting on hockey games!’, now that Jared’s thinking about it.

“Just a bet she had with my dad,” he adds hastily. If dad gets some ‘Don Matheson is a disloyal dad’ he deserves it.

Good on Jared catching that in time, because yeah, ‘disloyal girlfriend’ definitely would have been the takeaway. And disloyal dad is indeed deserved. Jared doesn’t remember his dad cheering for the Oilers when he was one.

Jared’s stupid interview gets a ton of likes, and he doesn’t even know why.

The blanket bet is a great storyline. They will both regret that.

Someone always tells him when something important happens, like the Erin and Bryce thing, and the Erin and Julius thing, and — Erin seems to be the common denominator in a lot of these.

Jared’s ignorance of his own beauty extending to all Mathesons.

Erin continues to wreak havoc by posting the video of Jared being attacked by her and Stephen the next day. Jared doesn’t know if she got it from Bryce, or Elaine, or one of the other Canucks is a traitor, but of course that gets a ton of likes too, because people on the internet also enjoy when Jared’s dignity is wounded, apparently.

It truly is enjoyable to watch Jared’s dignity suffer, can't blame 'em at all.

People also seem to think Stephen is Julius, even though he looks absolutely nothing like him, beyond also being blond and around the same height. Different build, different haircut, different everything. Also he literally says Stephen’s name in the video. Jared is so tired.

The internet has unfortunately made it quite evident just how many people go around life misinterpreting everything they see.

The sulking room is already occupied when Jared goes to use it. Bryce looks up from his phone when, expression suspiciously happy for the locale.

As I said earlier, it is now also used for watching bad TV, getting his fill of Maia (and Ashley), and naps.

“Say hi to Maia?” Bryce says, which explains everything, and Jared says some things to Maia that she surely doesn’t understand, like how big she’s gotten — it is insane how fast babies grow — and how she’s shaping up to be a Chaz mini-me, because it’s uncanny. He feels absurd the whole time, even though neither Bryce nor Ash laugh at him, though they’re both doing the thin lipped thing like they want to, but they recognise it will hurt his remaining pride.

Jared is using a baby voice. Both Bryce and Ashley know better than to alert him of that fact.

“You’re not sulking,” Jared says.

“No,” Bryce says. “Maia.”

It is extremely hard to sulk when paying attention to Maia, actually. Jared temporarily forgot why he came in the first place.

Babies are great like that.

“But this is the sulking room,” Jared says.

“Did you need to sulk?” Bryce asks.

“Yes, actually,” Jared says.

Mom says it’s my turn with the sulking room.

“I swear I didn’t give it to her,” Bryce says.

He doesn’t need to tell Jared that. Not because Jared trusts him implicitly or anything — Erin is very good at manipulating Bryce into doing what she wants — but because he’s realised that Bryce was sitting at a completely different angle than the video was taken from. It was either Stevie or Dmitry. Jared suspects the latter for obvious reasons.

Why do you doubt Dmitry like this? What has he ever done to deserve this?

(Yes it was Dmitry.)

“I know what’ll make you feel better,” Bryce says, then heads out of the room, returning after a minute carrying the blanket under his arm.

And he is correct.

“You’re ridiculous,” Jared says, then, “Come nap with me,” and the least sulky nap ever to happen in the sulking room is officially underway.

Julius was right: it is an excellent blanket for victory naps.

The spoils of victory.

[hereforthefunnyguys]

Just a thought, but like you should totally talk about how much you love irateshipping.

I lvoe it so much you guys my thoughts are sometimes easy to figure out and sometimes they're just kind of a blurry static field of warmth but i'll try my best.

As a side note, this got. Uh. Long. So it's under a cut now.

Okay so the first thing I adore about it is that it can really easily switch between a kind of funny domestic dynamic with two teenagers who don't know how to make emotions work and also can be “fucked up traumatized dudes try to kill each other with a gun.” That part is great for me.

Second of all, I talk a lot about like mariks perspective on the whole thing but I don’t know if I talk about Joey's perspective on the whole thing where like... Marik is objectively everything he hates. He's controlling, he's wealthy, he's narcissistic, he's like kaiba if kaiba was somehow worse and had nicer hair <- whoa who said that? Yet he still possesses a kind of inherent charm that ends up pulling you in closer and sort of forces Joey to have some kind of feeling about him, whether that be hatred or love or just "Wow! What a Freak".

I like to picture (read: there's no canon evidence for it, but a man can fantasize) that there's kind of a... weird attraction to Marik, especially with the brainwashing in a "i don't have to think anymore" way. Like, uh how do I explain this; Joey is used to having to work all the time to support himself and his family.

He goes for 7 straight hours at school doing work he doesn't understand with teachers that hate him, around friends that love him (and he loves back!) but always seem to overshadow him and, at least in canon, don't seem to quite 'get' the situation he's in at home, plus, you know, Yugi + Atem always overshadowing with the one big hobby he has. Then he goes back home, gets yelled at by his dad and has to play tip-toe around him (or, at least, I'd assume so), then hauls ass out to go work until 9:00, buy cheap dinner, then collapses and wakes up at 6:30 the next morning to go work again before going to school again. He's burning out 24/7. First man to ever desperately need a workers union for the simple act of existing.

But then Marik comes along with the Ghouls, and gets to say, you don't need to think anymore. You don't have to worry anymore. All the decisions are made for you. And it's never explicitly stated (probably because it would be a lie lmao) but in Joey's head this also has a connotation of you're finally safe. And you know what? To Joey, that's kind of blissful. No thinking. No more worrying. Just sort of... existing.

Of course, he hates it too, obviously. It's sickening to feel yourself be puppeted like that, out of your own control, forced to fight the people you love, etc. So we can't be having that. But there is still a certain bond thats formed by having someone inside your mind, and it goes both ways; not only is Joey dealing with the feeling of having all his brains pried open and picked apart like stir-fry, but Marik also now knows everything that happens in Joey's head. What's that even like??? Does it make him feel bad for Joey? Is he attracted to it? Does it just make him think Joey is stupid? Does he feel a sense of responsibility to maybe try and fix some of those problems when he becomes a Good Person? Is he now like the Expert on how Joey's brain works and has to decide how to use (or abuse) that knowledge?

Post-Battle City, I think they have a very awkward relationship. In canon they seem friendly, but imo thats kind of a cover-up for the awkwardness, because what else are they supposed to say to each other? "Hey, again, guy who brainwashed me and saw the innermost depths of my mind!" "I told you I don't do that anymore :(" type stuff. If you put them in a room alone, it'd just be like. An hour straight of pure silence, occasionally interrupted by asking where the bathroom is and conversations that go like "well uh how's life been?" "Not great." "ah. okay. cool. Cool."

At least imo Joey doesn't actually realize what he has are romantic feelings. In his mind, this weird sweatiness he feels and inability to put Marik out of his mind is probably a side effect of brainwashing or something. Marik does though. Marik is pretty much permanently looking at Joey like he wants to eat him alive or, perhaps more scandalously in his mind, hold his hand.

Also... This is a different conversation but I think marik is like - Jealous? Approving? Something like that- of joey. Not in a “I want to be an impoverished delinquent bad boy who breaks the rules” way but more in a “see, this is what I Should Have Been. The loyal son that sticks by his father no matter what.” And in one hand he doesn’t particularly care for Joeys father (finds him classless and unappreciative) and, on a surface level, recognizes that their situations are very Very different, but the jealousy remains. Like. That should be me trying up there.

Because both Marik and Joey have the same specific form of daddy issues where they wholeheartedly believe that they are the problem here, so if they just go the Right Chance they could fix everything with their parents and could live happily ever after. So they end up in an endless feedback loop of (nodding) "yes, he's doing the right thing by trying to make it up to his dad" and don't get why their friends are all like "please go talk to like. Someone else about this. Anyone."

I do think they have potential to actually help each other out with this type of stuff as they mature and are able to also recognize the affect that it has on the other ("You go deer-in-the-headlights whenever you're around open fire"/"you start cringing uncontrollably whenever someone throws anything at you") but also Not Right Now! right now they're not even talking to each other.

Anyways. Yeah. God. I'm in love with them in case you couldn't tell. I don't even know if this makes sense to anyone else other than me but I'm having fun and thats what matters mostly

Also yeah sometimes its that marik just wants to date a stupid jock and hes so real for that. Let marik have a good boyfriend and psychologically torment joey more 2k24 campaign.

Anyways enjoy a Collection (of scenes where they are in the same panel)(*devours my rarepair scraps*)

[possibilistfanfiction]

First, thanks for writing stuff! Your words always make my day better. Second, I’m seconding the avarice football au, and also asking who is the keeper and why is only correct answer Mary, because someone has to manage these idiots. Third, can I prompt you: Mother Superion visits LA because she, too, likes tacos and margaritas, and maybe she also meets Bea and Ava’s newborn baby.

[a tiny preview of footy au for the culture]

//

you’re always the first. 

it’s your duty — as captain, as the starting 6, as someone who has suffered for sport for so long you don’t know anything else.

you’re always the first.

but today, as you walk onto the training grounds as the sun is just drifting over the horizon, still hazy and bruise-blue, you’re not first.

ava silva — a few years your junior and back from two years of grueling injury and rehab, the newest signing for your club, splashy and entirely unpredictable — hits a perfect bending ball into the upper left 90, then smiles to herself and races away from goal, arms spread wide, like she’s just scored in the world cup or won the champions league.

she has on team issue shorts and socks, one slipping down her ankle, a pair of boots that are a cycle behind your brand new mercurial vapors that nike sends you like clockwork, and a hoodie that you’re really only supposed to wear on the plane or bus for away travel days. her hair is cut above her shoulders now, haphazardly in a little bun but mostly falling into her eyes. she’s a far cry from your quarter-zip, zipped all the way up, tucked into your shorts like always, a ritual, and the ponytail braid that you make sure is neat and perfect before you ever step onto the field or into the gym.

ava lines up a shot again, hits another perfect bending ball, clinical and ruthless and beautiful, and throws her arms up again in celebration. you haven’t really found joy on the pitch in a long time; you haven’t seen joy on this pitch like this maybe ever. ava’s sheer delight at her unmarked goals, on an empty net, is frustratingly infectious. you had watched replay of her back injury; you hadn’t been in the same league, at the time, but she had been a bright young star and you had watched in horror a few months before the world cup, on a grainy stream in your hotel room with lilith and mary, as ava’s spine had apparently broken, a bad tackle in the box gone terribly, terribly wrong, projected to never play again. you won’t say it out loud — it’s impossibly sentimental, devoted, romantic; all things you are decidedly not — but watching ava play now, even like this, or maybe especially like this, is a miracle.

‘ava silva,’ you say, carrying your own bag of balls onto the pitch in her direction. she turns toward you with a grin.

‘oh captain, my captain,’ she says, then tucks an errant, sweaty strand of hair behind her ear, offers her hand.

‘beatrice,’ you say, ‘pleasure.’

ava’s smile doesn’t waver at all. ‘oh, i know,’ she says. ‘ballon d’or winner, wsl champion, nwsl champion, champions league runner up, the face of nike football. arguably the best player in the world.’ she winks, lets go of your hand. ‘the pleasure is all mine.’

‘that’s — i’m a 6,’ you say, feeling a little out of your depth and bewildered without any warning.

ava just laughs. ‘yeah, you seem like it.’ she flicks a ball up, does two around the worlds, and then catches it between her shoulder blades before popping it back up and sending it your way. ‘wanna play one v one, or do you have a whole little routine?’

‘i —‘ ava, in the early morning light, with the dew on the grass soaking into the juncture of your cleat and socks, the crisp air — it’s all perfect. you remember, in a flash, why you fell in love with football in the first place. ‘first to five, small goal.’

ava fist pumps. ‘show me how it’s done, then.’

[thwackk]

You know I've always found it weird that out of all people, Barry is the character DC chose to make their copaganda tool. Because if anyone has a backstory that would make someone hate and distrust the police it would be Barry. Like his mom was murdered and the cops immediately arrest and put away his dad for life and refuse to reopen the case. Barry goes into the forensic field in the first place because he acknowledges the flaws of the justice system and wants to make sure it never happens again and to prove his dad innocent. It's just a really hypocritical backstory to his "cops are good" mentality nowadays.

Someone correct me if I get some of my facts wrong:

Well in the original silver age comics none of that happens to his parents, he’s just already a cop and scientist and suddenly gets superpowers. Giving him that type of backstory instantly gave him more depth and made him more intriguing as a character and I actually disagree, I don’t think he would “hate cops” seeing as he was practically raised by one (if we’re going with this story). I think moreso he would hate the system and how it works. I also don’t believe he would think “all cops are good” either because he’s a logical person with common sense but alas. the writers hate using their brains. anyways,

It makes complete sense why he himself would want to dive into that world and actively be a part of it because after witnessing such an event go down so unfairly as a child and wanting more than anything to know the truth abt his own mother’s murder, he would of course want to learn to do it himself so he can help other people going through the same thing, and find the truth because he knows exactly what it’s like and how frustratingly unfair it is. he knows how much it sucks. He doesn’t trust the system to do it, he trusts himself. But unfortunately, he is not given that type of depth, the execution is not handled very well half the time

[deathbyseventeen]

DBS Masterlist

Hello! You’ve found my mobile masterlist. Congrats! Hopefully you find something you like here 💕 

Trigger Warnings can be found in the descriptions of the fics when you click on them! 

GUIDE: A Personal Fave [ ✨] | Popular Post [❤️‍🔥] |  Angst [💔] | Fluff/Romance [ 💕] | Part of a Series/Same Universe [🧩]

<><><><><><><><><><><><D><B><S><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

.OT13.

> Click a Prince ❤️‍🔥 💕

Curse your bullshit destiny. It was decided that on the 100th anniversary of peace in your kingdom, the eldest princess would marry a prince from the other thirteen kingdoms. That day has finally arrived and thirteen princes have gathered. Who will you pick?

> Mirror Stage 💔

If his math is correct, and he sorely doubts it isn’t, then it’s almost time for them to wake. The clock is ticking. He’s waiting.

> AU ideas from the FEAR teasers

5 AU ideas that popped into my mind from the teasers. 

.S.COUPS.

> Blinded 💕 

This isn’t what Seungcheol meant for Jun to do. 

> Trauma 💔

Again? Again. They said to each other as they started the simulation again. 

> Friendship? 💔 💕

He liked you. But no. You liked him. But no. They knew. So why not help a friend out?

.JEONGHAN.

> Before Christmas 💕

A Nightmare Before Christmas AU. 

Crossing through a door in the woods, you and Chan end up on Earth. And you really just freaked out a man named Jeonghan. 

.JOSHUA.

> 3lue ✨ 🧩 💔 💕

(World: 3lue AU)

Blue. His powers were blue. It’s been years since you last saw him. Your memories of him were also blue. 

> A Dance Meant for Two 💕 💔

> Because You Were Gone ❤️‍🔥 💕 💔

You never knew when to give up. It wasn’t your superpower but it sure seemed like it.

> Guardian Angel 🧩 💕 💔

(Series: of Guardian Angels) 

You had taken some notes on the page, not many— the professor’s lecture had been brief and had ended with a “simple” question. One single question that for some unexplainable reason — except that the topic had always existed in the depths of your brain — seemed to rattle you.

You blinked, the words came into focus: Renaissance Art 14th to 17th Century: Religious Depictions: Angles.  

> I Saw 💕

Maybe you should have thought of your wishlist beforehand….

> Untitled AU 

From a Song+Member inbox night

> The Switch 💕 💔

Perhaps it was karma that he wasn’t in his own body anymore, living it up and spending his money the way he wanted to. To you that was a bittersweet blessing. Maybe he could change (you doubted it), but at the very least, you got to meet Seungcheol (and Woozi). 

> What is Love?

A 100-word drabble 

.JUN.

> Breathless Words 💕

Being alone on Christmas Eve isn’t as rare as everyone makes it out to be. Then you go and meet him.  

.HOSHI.

> Princess, Please  ❤️‍🔥 💕

You tried getting out of the field trip to the reindeer ranch. Hoshi’s family owned it and you’ve been avoiding him as much as you could. 

> Secret Santa 💕 💔

You spent so much time, and thought, trying to find Hoshi the right Christmas present. You’d only forgotten the Secret Santa exchange was going to happen during class. 

> G&R: Yule Ball 💕

Anger came when things didn’t happen like you hoped. But at least he loved you and overlooked your outburst. Now just…confess.

> Missed Connections  ✨ ❤️‍🔥 🧩 💕 💔

(Series: Between the Dusty and the Sparks)

They’re from different societies, meant to hate each other. But when you don’t know where the other’s from…there’s always the possibility of love. But when they find out, what are they meant to do?

.WONWOO.

> The Marionnettiste || Part 2 💕

Too shy to pursue. Too bold to let you go so easily. Want to play a game a chess? Some one has to make the first move.

> Guarded 🧩 💕 💔

(Series: of Guardian Angels)

He hadn’t seen you in so long. There was a reason for that.

> Letting Go ❤️‍🔥 💕

All Wonwoo had wanted was for you to show up to Mingyu’s party. It’s bene hours since it started and he’s already lost all hope. 

> Untitled AU

From a Song+Member inbox night

.WOOZI.

> Saving Colors 💕

Black is black, red is red - find it, find me - before All Hallows Eve ends. Before it’s too late.

> Night ❤️‍🔥 💕

When the cute guy you keep staring at in the campus cafe turns out to be your neighbor (and you’ve been unknowingly annoying them for a while). Christmas break just got better. 

> Miraculous Ladybug!Woozi || Part 2

Woozi as the Miraculous Ladybug headcannons. 

> I’ll be your Heaven, I’ll be your Hell 🧩 💕 💔

(Series: of Guardian Angels) 

He saw you often, even through the pain because it was the only wish that kept coming true.

> Since the Day I Met You || Part 2  ✨ 🧩 💕 💔

(Series: Between the Dusty and the Sparks)

For better or worse, he’s been your friend since the day you met. You’ve been through a lot together already, you, Jihoon, and your ragtag rebel family. But someone messed up, someone made the elitist Sparks government focus on you all– a group of nobody rebels in the cast-off City of Dust that have never even seen the luxury of the walled-off City of Sparks. With a heavy, love-stricken heart, choices have to be made; and, as the leaders of this family, for better or worse

they will be made.

.SEOKMIN/DK.

> Warmth  🧩 💔 💕

(World: 3lue AU) 

Ice had to meet Sunshine at some point, but they had to learn how to stand on their own.

.MINGYU.

nothing here, sorry :( 

.THE8/HAO. > Drunken Mornings ❤️‍🔥 💕

A party long into the night gives you a hungover morning, and memories of a drunken morning. 

> Ashes 💔

You weren’t ready to admit what it was, the song you kept hearing in your head as grew up. Neither of you were. But, it never changed what it was: a curse teasing you about its impending arrival. 

.SEUNGKWAN. 

> Fight or Fight 💕

...He’s forgetting something… isn’t he?

> Peppermint 💕

(Soulmate AU) 

Who was to guess that it was in demise that Head Elf #11, otherwise known as Seungkwan, would finally meet his soulmate. 

.VERNON.

> Monster Mash 💔

It’s at a Halloween party two weeks after an accident, that Vernon and you are haunted. 

> Snowed In ❤️‍🔥 💕

Arrangements are made when no one can go home because they’re snowed inside. 

.DINO. 

> Sleigh Bells 💕 💔

I jingled some bells. You didn’t notice. They threw bells. You noticed.  You said bells rang in your head - so could you listen to mine?  

> A Dream of You 💔

It’s only in your dreams that you’re still able to see him.

> 5:15pm: As the World Caves In (Teaser)💕 💔 

Coming home after the apocalypse. Home sweet home. 

> As the World caves In (Full Fic)  💕 💔

(Post-Apocalyptic AU, Zombies!AU)

The world ended on a Tuesday in November, days after Halloween, when the sun was less than an hour away from setting. Chan had just left his dorm’s building, late to his History of Dance 136A lecture, when it happened. You hadn’t been as lucky on the day the world began to crumble.

[variousqueerthings]

okok final thoughts about the movie after all that:

1. pleased to have watched it, despite my laundry list of criticisms

2. I didn’t think any of it was comedic in the gallows humour sense I assume it was going for. that may be an effect of ageing, but then, mash 1974- is frequently excellent at this, including and especially in its first seasons 

3. read that there was a subplot that happened after the movie has ho-jon getting conscripted by the south korean army (after which in the film we never see him again, and I think that was the most “oh, this isn’t my hawkeye” moment actually, because he kinda just goes “dammit” and then it cuts to something else, and that’s it), in which he’s killed and his body comes through the 4077th, and I think that would have been better in the context of what I think the movie wanted to do?

4. I do get a bit lost in the movie’s intentions, I confess. is it war is hell and so we become worse people? is it surreal antics in the face of serious conflict? is it related to the military really? is it that this is just what it was like? none of it really... slots into place for me, because there’s a bits that dispute every one of these, and mainly I guess I just don’t see what apparently a bunch of reviewers saw

5. the roger ebert review at the time: “There is something about war that inspires practical jokes and the heroes ... are inspired and utterly heartless ... We laugh,  ... because it is so true to the unadmitted sadist in all of us. There is perhaps nothing so exquisite as achieving ... sweet mental revenge against someone we hate with particular dedication. And it is the flat-out, poker-faced hatred in "M*A*S*H" that makes it work. ... We laugh, that we may not cry ... We can take the unusually high gore-level in "M*A*S*H" because it is originally part of the movie's logic. If the surgeons didn't have to face the daily list of maimed and mutilated bodies, none of the rest of their lives would make any sense ... One of the reasons "M*A*S*H" is so funny is that it's so desperate.”

6. I get confused about how a lot of the reviews discussed it in the context of war, when for me I felt like the Korean war was almost totally absent (in practicality as well as in feeling), apart from the occasional nuisance it caused the characters. maybe for its time it was very gory/very real/very desperate, but I don’t see it today -- the imdb also states that “the staff of a Korean War field hospital use humor and high jinks to keep their sanity in the face of the horror of war,” and I was just there wondering... what war? horrific to whom? and it’s not like war films in which war is very present hadn’t been made before this, but perhaps just not in really in America. the very idea of challenging the American military logic even a little may have been a breath of fresh air?

7. altman called the book racist and pretty terrible, but apparently the movie doesn’t deviate much from it, which is... interesting

8. I can see why this was a hit when it came out. I just feel such a visceral shudder at it watching it now, that it’s hard to even judge it on the merits of the time in which it came out

9. on that note, I am once again fascinated by the intentions going into the show. the pilot episode especially certainly has more movie DNA in it than the rest, but the casting immediately created different tensions, especially of course alan alda, but also wayne rogers, larry linville, and of course loretta swit. the fact that they’re setting up recurring characters also gives them more of a depth -- you know that things will happen and shift and change, whereas in the movie the point is the aimless drift from thing to thing

10. actually the aimless drifting + loudspeaker interludes were my favourite parts of the film -- my least favourite thing (structurally, otherwise it would be the misogyny) is the football match at the end, which was... odd. dull. if there was an absence of war before that, it totally disappeared for a substantial amount of runtime to just show this flipping football thing happening

11. how many of the hijinks from the movie/book were in the show -- I’m going to make a separate post for that

[mintywolf]

A Long Road Home Author Notes - Page 1

Hello! Going forward I’m going to be attaching author notes here on my personal blog for anyone interested in hearing me ramble about this. :)

For Page 1.

If you’ve been following me for a while you probably know me best from Guardian, my last big comic. (For those who don’t, it’s a graphic novel about Lulu from Final Fantasy X. You can read it here: @guardian-comic) Since finishing work on that in early 2020 I’ve been struggling to get a new project started. I’d had a number of other original and fan projects backburnered but found I had a hard time caring about them. (Or honestly, much of anything, after the plague malaise took over. A lot of things, on both a global and personal scale, happened in 2020 that made art just Hard in a way that it hadn’t been before, a feeling I’ve seen shared by a lot of creatives at the time.)

Then CR Campaign 3 started and I don’t know what it is exactly about Laudna and Imogen but these characters and their relationship have my entire heart. I have not hyperfixated this hard on something in years. As with Guardian the impulse to express all the heart emojis bursting out of the depths of my being in the form of an unwieldy graphic novel came out of nowhere, and the beginnings of it came in a dream. (Although as also with Guardian, the pages that I dreamt for it never actually made it into the comic, haha.) I woke up that morning feeling in my soul that it was Time. 

Fortunately I have the benefit of 10 years of experience this time so rather than just diving headlong into another opus I spent several months planning, outlining, writing the script, and working on character designs. I’ve thought before that if I’d known exactly how big Guardian was going to be at the outset I never would have been able to get started. This time I know. And friends . . . it is another behemoth. D: A few times, watching the script steadily balloon in size, I stopped to think what are you doing, this is insane, this could be a fic and take a fraction of the time, but I have no sense of artistic self-preservation. :D

I’m still scared! I know from having done it before that I can do it again, but it still feels very Big and I’m still working my way back up to the level of artistic productivity I had then. But I’m excited about it in a way I haven’t been about a creative project in a long, long time.

For a long time it didn’t have a title, it was just called “Southern Gothic Meet Cute Prequel Comic??” at the top of the script page. That got shortened to “Southern Gothic,” which fits it both as a ship and a genre, but I decided that was a little too cheeky since it is the ship name (one of them) and also not very indicative as a title. The meaning of the new one will I hope become evident as the story goes on. (I never did change the tumblr url though. It is what it is.)

Yeah so! Here we go. Here’s Imogen, with some curiously bare arms!

It’s implied that Flora is a white horse (when Imogen selects horses for the journey to the Heartmoor Chetney remarks that he thought she’d prefer a white horse, but she says she doesn’t want to replace Flora) and originally I intended to draw her that way but I ended up liking the palomino paint look. (Incidentally my first horse in Breath of the Wild looked like this so it’s kind of nostalgic for me. ;)) She’s still mostly white. She kind of disappears from the scene because it’s a dream. In the narration she always runs away before the storm hits.

I think I over-rendered the backgrounds, haha. But I just got all these cool grass and field brushes just for this! (Available here.) The quilt was also more intricate originally but I didn’t want to drive myself insane trying to keep the pattern the same every time we see it, so I simplified it a little. It’s still cute. Also a recurring staple of my art: cute jammies. :)

Her bedroom is in the attic, which we’ll get a more clear picture of later. I imagine she’d have moved up there to be as far away from the presence of other minds as possible.

[athinveil]

saw you in the notes of some post saying you work in finance. like, no pressure, and i'm not expecting any depth from a tumblr ask, but... do you have any advice for people living paycheck to paycheck other than the classic "make a budget"? (i have already discovered that getting a credit card does not help.)

just wondering if there's anything you've learned from your profession that you wish was better known to the public

https://undebt.it/ is a big help to help pay off debt efficiently undebt it - google search if you don’t like hitting links - I don’t hitting links. I have a super hard time with budgets myself. And credit cards are rough - I get manic and then my budget friendly self can’t keep up with manic me.

Apologies in advance if some of this is like bro - I don’t live a place w these stores - just mentally replace store names with what’s around you.

If your debt has an interest rate under 7%, pay the minimums because a lot of investments will grow at 7% or better (common examples - car loans, most student loans, mortgages, etc.). Typically it’s better to focus on the higher interest loans/debt first. If it’s above 7%, prioritize that. A lot of minimum payments will also never pay off your debt - designed to keep you in it.

If you have a Roth option in your work retirement account, do that. It’s taxed now instead of in retirement - taxes only go up over time. However if you need to reduce your taxable income, then pretax dollars will do that. Only contribute up to the match if it’s not Roth. If it’s pretax, then you usually only want do up to the match. Maximize the free money you can get from your employer.

Always opt into long term disability insurance at work. When you can afford some extra coverage check out supplemental (most employers offer 60% in the US - if you only were paid 60% of your income it would be rough), life insurance is cheap - 200k is a small policy. The company you go with matters. A company like mass mutual or northwestern mutual (I’m at northwestern) gives higher dividends- basically a good chunk of profit goes back to policy holders instead of stockholders. Most companies can run company comparisons. Insurance pays for financial security. It’s not a scam - which is genuinely what I thought of it before I got into the field and understood it better.

Whole life insurance costs more - but it’s worth it. It’s like buying your insurance instead of renting. Again company matters - example: northwestern mutual cash value grows historically at 5% on average, give or take, usually give. It’s money you can use to collateralize a loan or take a loan out against your own policy and “be your own bank” - downside, if finances are unstable, it’s a policy with regular premiums. Unlike a Roth you can stop contributing to any time, you’re paying for coverage and it’s monthly or whatever interval without much for exceptions. Probably not a good fit for you right now with being paycheck to paycheck - but something to keep in mind for the future.

Some of my hacks for my own life and my tight budget - I get most of my stuff off of Facebook marketplace for free or cheap - if you search something for a week or two and save the cheap items eventually they’ll appear for free or less and less. You just gotta be quick to ask and pick up. I picked up a stand alone pantry cabinet yesterday for free so now I have more storage space for non-perishables. Also if you just always keep free and “curb alert” as a regular search item you’ll find good stuff. I’ve picked up some things that I know have value near me - like fish tanks with stands only to resell them later at market value which is higher because I’m in a city/suburban outskirts - I only deal in cash on Facebook because they wanna start tracking and people can’t rescind a $20 electronically.

There are food shelves that don’t require minimums. There’s also no shame in seeing if you can get assistance from the government. If you can boost yourself to live better, do it.

The dollar tree (and some other dollar stores) - while most food at the dollar tree isn’t a good deal - I’ve also found shelf stable tofu, pesto, mustard (1.25 vs $5 for pesto). I also have pets - my cats get their toys on a stick with the dangly strings from the dollar tree. I get all of my cleaning products at the dollar tree. You can also make your own - one super simple one is lemon juice (from bottle), white vinegar, and water.

I shop at specific places for specific items. I get carbon litter box filters at my hardware store because they’re a dollar there instead of $5-7 elsewhere.

I order my groceries online - it’s convenient but it also eliminates a lot of impulse shopping. I pay $10/month for it, but I save more than $10 in not impulse buying.

I mostly avoid target - target has done research on how to get you to buy more - it works. So I avoid it. Not that other stores don’t do similarly, but I know that I will fail myself at target - sort of a figure out your vices.

I shop at discount grocery stores. I got to Asian grocery stores for tea because I get way more tea for way less. I go to Aldi for most of my vegetarian foods and also their chicken. Most of their stuff is a fair bit cheaper and I’ve figured out which off brand or Aldi brand stuff I like.

I work in a super fancy office - think of a building with literal halls with marble tile. I get 99% of my clothes from thrift stores. I’m picky - I try to buy only things that I feel good in (not I feel okay, but I feel good) and I have a hard time pushing myself over $10 for almost anything. I dress with a classic style because then I don’t have to chase trends. I mostly just wear black pants and a shirt that looks business casual.

Garage sale - I spent a Saturday driving around the town I grew up in going to garage sales. Saturdays are usually the last day sales are open - they want stuff gone as the reality sets in that whatever isn’t sold is being donated. I filled a paper grocery bag full of clothing for my spouse and paid $1. I’ve hit sales where the person just wanted to be done and said just take everything you want, free. I haggle. I ask if they’d do a deal for a bunch of stuff if it’s a good sale. If there’s something I’m looking for or need - I know the value of the item before I go shopping and I know the value of it to me. I wanted a giant bean bag chair. I valued that at a maximum of $20. The going Facebook marketplace was $50-150. I held out and got one for $7 at a thrift store.

Sign up for VIP stuff at thrift stores and reward programs (assuming it’s free). Don’t buy most holiday decor new - thrift stores can barely sell a christmas tree.

Home Depot and many hardware stores offer free how-to classes - you want to learn how to lay tile? Sign up for a class. Learn to diy what you’re comfortable doing. Some labor and know how is worth paying for. Example: I will not lay tile because I can live with a crooked tile if someone else did it. I can’t if I did it. For my sanity, I would pay for that. Minding - I need that done currently and can’t afford it so it’s just not on the reality list.

Grow some of your own food if you can. Grow lights can be cheap and seeds are cheap. Sometimes you can split a pack with a friend. You can also get free pots and gardening materials online easily. Maybe not the seeds tho. If you hate gardening then don’t bother. What you want matters too.

When you buy stuff - make sure you love it when you can. Stuff you love, you will keep and use. Stuff you feel so-so about might end up being donated next year.

Utilize libraries! They have e-books also and there are so many free apps you can download to read them on. If I’m only gonna read a book once, then I shouldn’t own it. Reality is - I don’t reread that many books. Too many more books to read.

If you’re into cold brew coffee - dark roast Walmart makes just as good as a fancy brand that costs more. Try off brand stuff - it’s often way better or exactly the same. Walmart chips ahoy offbrand is better than chips ahoy. ALDIs version of coconut caramel Girl Scout chocolate cookies taste the same as Girl Scout ones but cost under $2.

Find hobbies that don’t cost you money or cost you very little money. Aquarium fish are not that hobby as I’ve learned the hard way. But I have a beautiful dr who tank so at least there’s that. I volunteered for a while with shelter cats - the ones that are in pet stores. I got kitty snuggles and got to put it on my resume. Can’t afford a pet but want one? Foster - the shelter pays for everything. One of my new hobbies is literally finding free things on Facebook marketplace. It’s great.

If you’re on meds and insurance isn’t covering everything - check out goodrx. Also - check different pharmacies and keep checking. CVS wanted $300 for 1 month of my depression meds. I walked away w/o meds. I went to Costco a week later (no membership needed for specifically their pharmacy) and got those same meds for maybe $10 without insurance.

YouTube can also teach you neat skills. Tumblr can too - I got really into tiny homes - still love them but I can’t ethically keep a Great Dane mix and all my cats in a tiny space - a big part of tiny homes is making sure you have what you need but you have it smart. I gleaned a lot from that obsession. How to have a full wardrobe w 30 pieces of clothing but still variety? It showed it. Most tiny home people are about financial freedom - a lot of them perhaps don’t have a financial background, but it’s about gathering info that works for you.

If you have kids - I do not - but I have a niece. So much free stuff from other people. I think I gave my sister in law about the first years worth of clothing for her kid and it mostly cost me some laundry soap and time with marketplace and stopping for bags of free kids clothes on the side of the road (that I then picked through, washed, and donated the iffy ones). I even got a bouncer thingy that I took apart and cleaned and gave her. Plus a stroller for my mother in law - one of those $300 ones that someone just wanted gone at no cost.

I’ve got home owner savings tricks too if you need them - but let’s be honest, few of us can afford homes. I have one in a super sketchy area that has shot spotter tech to help police respond faster to gunfire. But honestly just lucked out and fell into the job I have now.

Buy quality when you can - I got clearance Clark’s brand shoes for my job - I think they cost me $40? They’ve lasted years. I got thrift store shoes and they are falling apart in less than a year. Those same thrift store shoes during the 5 years that I’ve had my clearance Clark’s would have cost more to replace that 5x over.

Make sure you’re taking care of yourself - eat enough, sleep enough. Your health will affect how you work and live - you matter. I do premier protein shakes in the morning so I get enough protein and also account for my inability to wake up with enough time to make food. I try to bring my lunch to work. Peanut butter sandwiches are a big go-to for me. I’m rather sick of them, but for now, it helps me to save a bit and prioritize things that are more important to me.

I’m trying to think of other stuff. I mean maybe you’re already doing a big load of this or have even cut some of these expenses out. I’ve got more pet saving tricks - pets are something in life that bring me so much joy and happiness so I have them and I try to be responsible and smart with spending on them - but maybe you don’t have pets or don’t want them. I love video games so I have a few systems - mainly PC. I wait for sales for games. I still buy things that are discretionary. I buy “what I want” when I can but I try to make sure it really is something that I want. I wait for game reviews to come out.

I try to find easy recipes online with a focus on budget friendly and quick to make. Preferably with leftovers to avoid a peanut butter sandwich for a day or two. I’m in a Facebook group called “what broke vegans eat.” I go to a butcher to get ground beef because it costs the same but has less gristle and they can give me tips on making different things. Plus I can occasionally splurge on something simple - they have the best in house take home and bake lasagna which last me at least 4-5 days between my spouse and I.

What field are you job-wise? What field or kind of work would you want to be in if you could choose? What kind of hours would you prefer to work? Education level? Are you in the US? Might have some tips around that too. Is there an area you want advice on - like X costs so much, what tips do you have for cost savings with that, etc.

So happy to help. Sorry for the novel.

[thessalian]

Thess vs Spiritfarer, In Detail

As previously stated, I’ve been using Spiritfarer as the ultimate hyperfocus-against-pain strategy. Seriously, it has everything I could want in that sort of activity - Zen crafting, exploration, actual moving story. It’s great for when one wants a game with story that does not necessarily involve beating the shit out of things. Thus I cannot thank @fauxfire76 enough for throwing it at my head.

So while this isn’t exactly spoiler territory after two years, I’m going to put my thoughts so far behind a cut anyway, because I think just about anyone who follows my Tumblr who hasn’t played this yet should.

So here’s the skinny on the spirit companions I’ve met to date:

Gwen: I liked her. I miss her. She was tough and a bit standoffish but clearly didn’t mean to be. Also her favourite food was coffee, which endeared her to me right away. I think it just felt like she missed out on the kinds of bonds she might have wanted, or ... I don’t know. There were regrets on both sides, I think.

Summer: Second through the Everdoor, I wasn’t entirely sure what to make of Summer. But she tried so very hard, and her departure was ... I don’t know. She found something resembling closure, I think, but I’m honestly not sure. Basically the first two felt like they had more regrets than the others when their time came.

Alice: It’s weird. Alice was heartbreaking but in a good way? Dementia is a difficult thing to live with, and it felt like, however hard it was to watch her deteriorate, at least when she went, she would be with her Eugene again. It kind of reminded me of my grandpa. He didn’t have dementia; what he had was way, way too much morphine while he was dying of cancer. On that last day, he couldn’t even speak, and there was no recognition of me in his eyes at all. So ... a little tough.

Giovanni: When I first met this guy, I likened him to Zevran, but I thought, “There’s probably not going to be the same depth of character in Giovanni that Zevran had”. Booooooooy was I wrong. I keep forgetting that sometimes the people who flirt and play the field and make the extravagant gestures are trying desperately to be loved by people they suspect are just better people than they are. Also that if you’ve seen so much shit, you grab every joy life gives you, and devil take the consequences. But most of all, you see people hurting, and you never want to hurt like that, so you never let anyone in, while looking like that’s all you do.

Atul: He was great. He was earnest and jolly and ... he asked Stella to arrange a big dinner for everybody and then left for the Everdoor on his own, without saying good-bye. Given what Atul was like, it feels like he thought he’d asked for enough ... but, also much like Atul, he didn’t quite think things through, because he went without saying good-bye. I just saw the spirit flowers growing in his little house. But that’s how it goes; sometimes, you just don’t get to say good-bye.

Astrid: For all Alice going was sad, and Gwen was bittersweet, and Atul just left with no closure, it was Astrid that reduced me to literal tears. She was always so positive, so kind, so strong and supportive ... and then on that last ride to the Everdoor, she finally gets to admit how tired she is. How much pain she’s in. How it’s all caught up to her and she just doesn’t have the energy to be that pillar of strength anymore. It basically reminded me of myself on bad days, when I’m trying to live my life despite everything, and trying not to let on how much I’m suffering. And of course, “Don’t you forget me! I’ll haunt you if you forget me!” was finally what broke me.

Gustav: We’re now past the ones that have already gone through the Everdoor and onto the ones who are still my bosom companions on board. Gustav was a gut-punch from the get-go. An artist and art curator, he got multiple sclerosis and couldn’t do what he loved anymore. So, yeah, that hit me right in the feels. I do find him a little pompous, but sometimes that’s the mask we hide behind, I guess.

Bruce and Mickey: The standard “Big BIG Bruiser With Small Cute One As The Brains Of The Outfit” duo. These dudes, I think, have regrets. No one blusters that much if they don’t have regrets. It’ll be interesting to see how this pans out.

Beverly: She is adorable. But honestly, I don’t know a whole lot about her yet. She spends a lot of her time knitting me woollen cloth and giving me the means to make spicy-as-fuck food. It’s a thing.

Stanley: My immediate response to Stanley was, “Did ... did I just grow a companion?” Because ... yes. Yes I did. Little mushroom dude. He’s sweet, but really doesn’t say much. I’m kind of interested to see what kind of house I’m building him ... not least because frankly, I’m a little tired of tripping over him in the captain’s cabin.

Stella: I have theories about our main character Stella at this point, mostly because of a couple of encounters after showing folks the Everdoor. Sums up in three words: “She died first”. She wasn’t just yoinked from life to do this escort thing - she died before everyone she loved, more or less, and was given the opportunity to send them on before she went herself. That’s my theory and I’m more or less sticking to it.

I understand that there are a few more spirits left to find, and I look forward to meeting them. I don’t know if I can say I’ll find new favourites out of the ones that remain and the new ones that come. Maybe I will. I’ll probably love them in my own way. I think it just gets harder the more characters you start to love just ... leave. But that’s also like life and death, I suppose. The more people you lose, the sadder it all gets.

So ... yeah. We have Zen crafting, exploration, some fun little platform puzzles and a seriously deep story. All hail indie games.

[m1ckeyb3rry]

Ok merging responses again but tiktok is fr diabolical for that…on that note i went to go check my settings too and mine were already off (I think past me had good foresight jk I think I actually just turned it off out of habit without reading in depth) I wonder if u get the notifications when the person u send it to doesn’t have theirs toggled off? On that topic I was fr just wondering if it goes both ways in the sense of like if it would prevent tiktok from suggesting your account to me since I have mine off as opposed to just not exposing my acc but anyways!! Was just gonna say hopefully you didn’t find out from getting a notif from some very random person or something shsgshsh seems like you’re safe tho!!! On that note if you ever see anything funky happening in your TikTok notifs lmk….ill look out in case it ever starts suggesting yours but now that the switch is on I’d assume nothing would happen (at least it better not tiktok pls)

LMAOOOO dw I have faith in our man he would never actually homewreck the premise is just so hilarious to me but PAUSEE stop I love miraverse tabiori and now we have aiko (?????) what do you even call them their names are too short i also don’t wanna make this look like they’re getting shipped LMFAOOO

HAHAHA classic reo activities…just grabbing out old reliable (checkbook) I almost forgot that readers parent wanted her to marry him maybe it’s fr time to reread

LMAOO yup you’re alter ego is safe o7 but yeah I guess you’ll know our convo is getting stalked/read if you ever get a notif for any of the ones from our convo LOL although again I’m assuming the toggle button actually does its job so that shouldn’t be the case anymore

PLEASE DONATE SHINAH EDITS HERE!!! I will gladly take them omg that hakyona edit is probably the first yotd tiktok I’ve ever seen

So real honestly sometimes we all need a day to just do nothing LOL I’m sure whatever’s next will be fire as per usual

BAROU CLEANING SERVICE pause imagine they actually make that Barou maid cafe and unironically put all the muscliest/aggressive characters in to follow their gimmick (like when Barou squeezes ketchup on their heads) imagine this is all another side gig competition so whoever rakes in the most money gets like a day off or like bonus field time and then they all start doing even more insane shit to get more money and views but I’m crying Rin posting a drama video like “the dark truth about itoshi sae” and then the first thing he says is “he’s a shitty brother”

At first I thought they just left zantetsu auraless and I was like damn ok…chigiri pop off with the leopard/cheetah ig then I reread it and looked and finally saw the fuckass train just thinking about it makes me crack up

OH YEAH the foreshadowing about chigiri has me sweating like ummm hahahaha wdym???????? Wdym break??? Stfu??? Yeah dw I also dgaf abt himizu give the spotlight to your teammates please!!!

- Karasu anon

ooh yeah maybe it has to be a mutual thing?? but that’s actually kind of a relief because it means i would’ve gotten a notification every time someone viewed the videos i sent…at least we can hope so 😭 but yesss the switch is on now so i think we are in the clear!!

NO BECAUSE I HAVE IT SO CLEAR IN MY HEAD like at one point reader and karasu are going to be watching a movie together and she’s like on the couch w him and she’s sleepy so he’s letting her use him as a pillow and she’s like “i wish my boyfriend was like you” and karasu’s like “right then enough is enough” and drives over to aiku’s ASAP LMAOAAOAO i’m crying truly every single oaeu story is HILARIOUS (except sae’s bruh i’m still trying to cook w that one) like i also have this clear vision of aiku being like “yo reo you’re so lucky to be marrying y/n” and reo’s like “oh i don’t rlly love her or anything but ya she’s cool ig” and aiku’s like “oh fr??? 👀 she’s hot asf can i get her number…since you’re cheating on her she should be allowed to do the same #women’srightsandwrongs” so obviously reo is like “erm and who am i cheating on her with??” and aiku is just like “nagi 👍” HAHAHA omg i just need to figure out how to add that oaeu flair to the sae version and then it’s full steam ahead because literally every other version is cooked and ready but the miraverse followers chose sae to be posted first and since i lowkey might push requests even further back to work on oaeu i should at least oblige them w that 😭

reo fr is like money never fails 🥱 except it does and reader only becomes friends with him at a party he hosts when she realizes he’s sitting alone in his room because nobody like him for who he actually is…she’s like oh damn wait maybe you’re not that bad…i GUESS we can be friends 😒🙄 and the rest is history and she becomes the most hated girl in the school since everyone assumes her and reo are a fr thing even though they aren’t

HAHA irl mira remains an enigma for now 🙂‍↕️🤫 hopefully the button does its thing and tik tok ceases to try and expose me JFJDKDJS anyways i’ll spam shinah edits below and we’ll see if anything crazy happens 😶‍🌫️

edit 1 edit 2 edit 3 edit 4 edit 5 edit 6 edit 7 edit 8 edit 9 random inumaki edit i happened to see while scrolling through my favorited posts

okay most of those are shinah a couple are hakyona and one is obviously an inumaki one that you’ve probably already seen considering how many views it has but it was too good not to include!! also fair warning most of the shinah edits use the same three scenes there’s truly not enough content of him out there 😭

LMAOOO POST WC KUNIGAMI + BAROU + RAICHI JUST WORKING AS MAIDS AT THE CAFE meanwhile nagi and isagi are like the managers of the place omg it would be a train wreck but sooo funny 😩 and lmao LITERALLY rin makes hiori filming him doing an exposé abt sae and sae is just brutally cancelled and hounded on twitter before everyone stops caring 😭 or alternatively on-field isagi will rub off on rin and rin will say smth digital-footprint-damaging and everyone’s like…hold on itoshi?? like sae itoshi?? and sae just gets cancelled by proxy 😰

THE TRAIN IS ACTUALLY SO FUNNY especially given his teammates…like we’ve got barou’s lion aura…chigiri’s panther aura…nagi’s GOD OF DEATH aura…and zantetsu is. uh. he’s a train. HAHAHAH anyways i’m not too stressed abt chigiri in the present match since we know he continues forward in bllk after it but i’m worried it’s foreshadowing smth happening to him soon in the main series 😓 i’m wondering if he’s going to go out in a blaze of glory during a world cup match where he scores the winning goal but loses his leg in the process 😢 pls i’ll cry but realistically it’s going to happen because no way they would throw that in there and NOT use the plot point but also chigiri has been so so successful in the series that it’s definitely setting him up to hit a massive peak and then lose it all immediately

[me-ta-moir-phosis]

dear babygirl,

i know that things are difficult. school, especially high school, may feel like living hell. it feels like that when you have been conditioned from childhood to think that academics and your standing in the academics is what gives you your value. and when academic achievement is what has always been glorified about you. i know you always knew that learning is not exactly the same as excelling in school, but you may have slightly forgotten. but it is normal and perfectly acceptable to feel and think the way you do because who wouldn’t when you are in an environment where that was what basically everyone else too was also thinking and promoting. but i am glad you held on to your passions despite all the things that tried to ruin them for you. because to this day, i think this is what makes you special and why you care about the world and how you have tackled everything that would come to you.

i am spoiling a bit now, so read at your own risk. i will tell you that things don’t exactly get better and that you just get a different perspective on things that matter more and you get better at understanding or handling things. i’m trying to rewind to the point of time of your last entry. second semester of junior year of high school. let’s see.. i think at least by this point you already knew you were going on a field trip to japan? i remember you were happy when you found out around november because it was like a birthday gift to you. but reading what you wrote in that entry, you were clearly depressed. emotions and all these brain chemistry stuff are weird, huh? you can be genuinely happy for a particular thing but not be happy at all in the grand scheme of things. (it’s funny because lately i have been thinking of this and how we easily can misunderstand each other just because of how the brain works. or how we might never truly know how one is feeling towards something even when try to analyze the findings about them.) i’m not exactly sure how it happened, but you somehow got through it. there are still times when there is avoidance of certain thoughts or topics to not remember and feel sad again, but i can say the depth of your sadness and thoughts of giving up hasn’t come back. i am trying to figure this out to understand us better, plus seeing things in the future might help you feel better, so let’s run through the things that would happen up to my point that might be good information:

• that japan trip was actually pretty cool the way i remember it. you would get to eat amazing food and experience a beautiful culture and get to know a family that is kind and warm where you would gain an online friend that would greet you every year on your birthday. you would witness the majestic mount fuji. you would get to share more time with your classmates amanda and kayla and get to know them more. there was a funny moment when kayla would keep joking about the time you have mistaken a humidifier for a refrigerator. you would be impressed at the super advanced toilets. when you saw a label on a hotel telephone written in incorrect english grammar, it was the first time you truly realized that fluency in english does not make one smarter despite the common mentality in your native country where people would be too ashamed if they try to express themselves in english and make a mistake. when you saw the clean streets and bikes left at the corners without locks, you were amazed at the potential of any city or town and its people with regards to discipline and respect towards each other. i remember there were not so great moments too. there were alone/lonely times—it just doesn’t go away; you are an introvert so you would be too scared to talk to the other students you are traveling with and the ones you really only talked to were the ones you were assigned with to share a room. on the plane from mishima back to tokyo, you sat with the kids from the other school and overheard that the guy you liked then who is also in the trip, who you thought you swore has a crush on you too, turns out to have just asked out one of those girls to ring dance. by the time it was the last day, kayla and amanda had made new fun friends and your homestay buddy shania just felt closer to her schoolmates, you were walking along the meiji shrine alone breathing in the crisp air and admiring the beauty of the quiet trees, the reason truly because it was a peaceful moment and you wanted to meditate, but also because you had no one to walk with.

• i think this was around the time you started to decide on what would be your college major. between the cool stuff from the STEM elective class, the casual suggestion from a dental hygienist because she said the field is looking for more women, and trying to plan something in case you don’t want to go to med school anymore after finishing undergrad, you picked something that is a good standalone 4-year degree that still makes enough money per statistics: biomedical engineering. You think, it’s the perfect choice because it pretty much combines everything that you like. Math, structures, and how the body works. It even has an artistic aspect. Plus if it outside the healthcare field, you wouldn’t be surrounded by the know-it-all folks close to you from the healthcare field trying to advice you on what’s right. When you started working on college applications, you have pretty much decided it is a perfect major.

• The college application results are not what you were hoping for. One top choice rejected, another top choice wait-listed, two that you had no real intention of attending accepted with no scholarship, and the safety school accepted and offered a scholarship. It sounds like upsetting results, but eventually you would actually think this was the best decision. You will realize that the school branding, perceived prestige, potential connections, etc. that you think you would have gotten from your top choice schools are not really worth the price. Because of the tuition fully covered by scholarships and financial aid, you graduate without any student loans and you would even be left with a stipend, on top of the additional income from working as a lab assistant. This allowed you to save money and even invest early, buying you time in the market that most people your age would not have started yet. Because of this, your parents are able to brag to relatives about not having to pay a nickel for your education throughout the whole four years. Because you stayed living at home, you were able to re-connect with old friends from middle school, and also explore and connect deeper with your adopted city, the city that welcomed you, educated you, gave you opportunities, and showed you the possibilities. It’s easy to get caught up in the name of the school, and I’m sure those schools are great and they have their merit that deserves them of the high regards, but when you hear a co-worker bragging about going to a nice school when he literally works in the same cubicle as you, a lot of things just seem pointless and funny. I know you are a girl with big dreams, and because academics is of utmost importance to you, it may feel like a failure to not enter a top university. But you will find that you are still a girl with big dreams nonetheless, and your dreams are far greater than good grades and awards and lines on the resume.