#when in the end they have the same issue and cannot save themselves from it

[dazaisdearest]

hold up…..his writing is this fire????????

[elmushterri]

2K followers on tumblr and 30K subscribers on YouTube! In celebration, here’s my story. Not a rewrite. This is all a work in progress and subject to change.

Being a HEMA fencer, I’ve wanted a story semi-based on actual swordsmanship and actual fencing techniques.. but fantasy.

It’s a story like… Spiderverse meets Steven Universe meets Owl House meets She-Ra.

It’s called

The Knight’s Handbook

——————

It’s modern Earth but there are supernatural people who protect it like guardian angels called Knights: Humans who’ve died via sacrificing themselves for someone else, and have been revived (not by choice). They protect humans from things as small as tripping over to protecting them from demons, dragons and other dangerous entities.

A Knight can pull their weapon from a magical, glowing scar called their Mortal Wound, the injury they acquired and a sign of the end of their mortality, like how SU Gems can pull their weapons from their gems. A Knight’s weapon can be anything including guns and crossbows, but these shoot magic/energy bullets or arrows.

Knights have their own realm to go to just for each other, (Gallantia) but can live on Earth hiding as normal humans if they wish (so long as they hide the magic scar!)

They function a bit like bees in that there is a Queen, chosen instantly when someone dies by sacrifice according to ‘qualifications of their soul’ (So not completely random like other Knights). Of course, this only happens when the former Queen is killed. Never have there been two Queen Knights at once, so written history goes. Like bees, that would create a huge issue!

Here is the main character and the main antagonist. For the first time apparently ever, there are Two Queen Knights. A mistake of nature, perhaps?

Sidra Saiffudeen

Our main enby is Sidra, she/they. A normal teen turned Queen Knight chosen right after her death, impaled through the chest (where you can see her Mortal Wound symbol) by saving her father. Her design is based on a bee! Not all Knights’ designs are, but I thought I’d lean into Queen Bee stuff.

She’s the ‘Acknowledged’ Queen. Most Knights, ones in support of the past Queen who just died (it’s a mournful period), back Sidra, but think she’s a bit immature. Sidra adores her new people though and vows to be a good Queen. Knight Queens don’t just sit back like Earth Royalty, they’re the most powerful and therefore in battle a lot. The past Queens tended to be adults (The Captain of the Royal Guard was in love with the past Queen (sapphics >:) ) and so having Sidra around is painful but they do their best to teach her.

Then there’s Juliana Fontana, always called Jules. She… is also a Queen Knight. You can tell this because a Queen’s mortal wound symbol is always the same as the Knight Symbol, a sword. Some Knights went traitor to back Jules rather than Sidra. Jules is a very very tired and sneaky girl, but more academically intelligent than Sidra. She’d be a very different Queen, and that’s why the Knights that took her side did so! She hasn’t figured out how to access her weapon or knight form.

The twist? They haven’t seen each other for a long long time… but Sidra and Jules know each other.

Info on Weapons, Mortal Wounds and Knight Forms.

Lastly, The Title’s “The Knight’s Handbook”… what are Knight Handbooks?

Well, for Knights, along with a weapon you can pull from your Mortal Wound, you also have your Handbook! Every Knight has a Handbook with their symbol on it. Like I said, Queen Knights don’t get their own unique personalised symbol, rather they get the default symbol representing all Knights as a species (unfortunate!).

Every Handbook is personalised except for the first couple pages and chapters. The first few pages *always* contain The Rules of Knighthood. One of which is that there Cannot Be Two Queens. But… have these Handbooks with their strict rules on who your friends and enemies are and what you can or cannot do always been a part of the Knights? Or did someone *write* these books for their own purposes? Control?

Handbooks also contain info on how to fight/fence, how to defeat certain entities, anatomy, etc (I���ll figure out more). But, Handbooks also serve as phones! You write something in your handbook for someone else and your writings will appear in *their* handbook! Not sure, but I imagine handbooks can also be used as little sketch hologram projectors (you sketch a map for example or a plan and project it into the air using your book.)

Sidra and Jules may have this giant plot going on around them because they happen to be Queens, but that doesn’t mean they’re not teenagers who want to have fun. A lot of Knights are kids and teenagers and still have their senses of fun, much to the dismay of the serious adult Knights. But they’re all immortal so they’ve got plenty of time to grow up before they hit an age to stop. Being a Knight is tough and scary cause you *could* die at any time in a fight, so adult Knights tend to protect the teens from going out before they’ve trained properly. Queens are not afforded such a luxury and besides, a lot of teen Knights are totally reckless regardless of what the adults say!

So yeah!

That’s an intro to The Knight’s Handbook. I’d love for people to join in like they did with GunnTech and make their own Knights for this, if you feel inspired. It’s kinda like a DTIYS but instead of Draw This In Your Style, it’s… Draw Your Sona for this concept? Working title… /j If you wanna do something, I suppose tag it with “The Knight’s Handbook” with the apostrophe and whatnot, but I do not expect anything, you guys already do so so much 🧡.

Any art or ocs of The Knight’s Handbook will definitely be featured on my next YT vid and I’ll be reblogging (Plus I would love to draw you guys’ ocs, and basically consider them canon since there’s an infinite number of Knights in TKH!)

Thank you for all your support, guys!

[fujosh1dreamer]

What's up with the shit takes I've been seeing for this episode.

Blitz and stolas both has trauma that they're trying to overcome. I don't know why people insist on ignoring stolas's trauma in favor of blitz and vice versa.

Stolas literally starts the ep off singing about his insecurities and how much he loves blitz. Singing about how he hopes blitz will stay with him. He's ignoring the problems he's having with the divorce and probably the potential custody battle. He's trying to make things right between him and blitz.

He sees himself as a monster because of the contract despite the fact that blitz showed up to his house with the intent to steal from him. No one wants to talk about that thou.

Then stolas talks about how being with blitz saved him from the chains of his status. Their relationship despite being built on a lie showed him that stolas can make choices in his own life. So now he wants to give blitz that choice too, and he hopes that blitz will choose him. Stolas truly thinks that blitz will respect him enough to consider an actual relationship despite his insecurities telling him otherwise.

Freezer meltdown.

Blitz and stolas know nothing about the others trauma or their triggers.

Stolas has the right to walk away from this conversation especially after what blitz jokingly said. He is not obligated to stay and take the verbal abuse that blitz throws at him. Stolas walks aways because blitz has seemingly given his answer he's upset and trying not to argue. He has lived in an abusive house hold for 17 years. He's triggered.

But blitz is triggered as well he has abandonment issues that he hasn't worked out yet. He's used to relationships going wrong and ending in a fight which is why he lashed out.

He needed a minute to process which is fine but that doesn't give him the right to lash out verbally to stolas who literally flinches when blitz yelled.

In my opinion stolas did a great job conveying his feelings which is difficult to do. I don't think he realized just how far on different pages they were when it comes to the relationship. Stolas believes they're already on the brink of being more, while blitz wants things to stay the same.

They both just think so lowly of themselves they cannot conceive the other truly loves them.

If one more person calls stolas a manipulator I'm gonna lose it.

[dreamofstarlight]

President Johnson, Mr. Speaker, Mr. Chief Justice, President Eisenhower, Vice President Nixon, President Truman, Reverend Clergy, fellow citizens

We observe today not a victory of party but a celebration of freedom--symbolizing an end as well as a beginning--signifying renewal as well as change. For I have sworn before you and Almighty God the same solemn oath our forbears prescribed nearly a century and three-quarters ago.

The world is very different now. For man holds in his mortal hands the power to abolish all forms of human poverty and all forms of human life. And yet the same revolutionary beliefs for which our forebears fought are still at issue around the globe--the belief that the rights of man come not from the generosity of the state but from the hand of God.

We dare not forget today that we are the heirs of that first revolution. Let the word go forth from this time and place, to friend and foe alike, that the torch has been passed to a new generation of Americans--born in this century, tempered by war, disciplined by a hard and bitter peace, proud of our ancient heritage--and unwilling to witness or permit the slow undoing of those human rights to which this nation has always been committed, and to which we are committed today at home and around the world.

Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe to assure the survival and the success of liberty.

This much we pledge--and more.

To those old allies whose cultural and spiritual origins we share, we pledge the loyalty of faithful friends. United there is little we cannot do in a host of cooperative ventures. Divided there is little we can do--for we dare not meet a powerful challenge at odds and split asunder.

To those new states whom we welcome to the ranks of the free, we pledge our word that one form of colonial control shall not have passed away merely to be replaced by a far more iron tyranny. We shall not always expect to find them supporting our view. But we shall always hope to find them strongly supporting their own freedom--and to remember that, in the past, those who foolishly sought power by riding the back of the tiger ended up inside.

To those people in the huts and villages of half the globe struggling to break the bonds of mass misery, we pledge our best efforts to help them help themselves, for whatever period is required--not because the communists may be doing it, not because we seek their votes, but because it is right. If a free society cannot help the many who are poor, it cannot save the few who are rich.

To our sister republics south of our border, we offer a special pledge--to convert our good words into good deeds--in a new alliance for progress--to assist free men and free governments in casting off the chains of poverty. But this peaceful revolution of hope cannot become the prey of hostile powers. Let all our neighbors know that we shall join with them to oppose aggression or subversion anywhere in the Americas. And let every other power know that this Hemisphere intends to remain the master of its own house.

To that world assembly of sovereign states, the United Nations, our last best hope in an age where the instruments of war have far outpaced the instruments of peace, we renew our pledge of support--to prevent it from becoming merely a forum for invective--to strengthen its shield of the new and the weak--and to enlarge the area in which its writ may run.

Finally, to those nations who would make themselves our adversary, we offer not a pledge but a request: that both sides begin anew the quest for peace, before the dark powers of destruction unleashed by science engulf all humanity in planned or accidental self-destruction.

We dare not tempt them with weakness. For only when our arms are sufficient beyond doubt can we be certain beyond doubt that they will never be employed.

But neither can two great and powerful groups of nations take comfort from our present course--both sides overburdened by the cost of modern weapons, both rightly alarmed by the steady spread of the deadly atom, yet both racing to alter that uncertain balance of terror that stays the hand of mankind's final war.

So let us begin anew--remembering on both sides that civility is not a sign of weakness, and sincerity is always subject to proof. Let us never negotiate out of fear. But let us never fear to negotiate.

Let both sides explore what problems unite us instead of belaboring those problems which divide us.

Let both sides, for the first time, formulate serious and precise proposals for the inspection and control of arms--and bring the absolute power to destroy other nations under the absolute control of all nations.

Let both sides seek to invoke the wonders of science instead of its terrors. Together let us explore the stars, conquer the deserts, eradicate disease, tap the ocean depths and encourage the arts and commerce.

Let both sides unite to heed in all corners of the earth the command of Isaiah--to "undo the heavy burdens . . . (and) let the oppressed go free."

And if a beachhead of cooperation may push back the jungle of suspicion, let both sides join in creating a new endeavor, not a new balance of power, but a new world of law, where the strong are just and the weak secure and the peace preserved.

All this will not be finished in the first one hundred days. Nor will it be finished in the first one thousand days, nor in the life of this Administration, nor even perhaps in our lifetime on this planet. But let us begin.

In your hands, my fellow citizens, more than mine, will rest the final success or failure of our course. Since this country was founded, each generation of Americans has been summoned to give testimony to its national loyalty. The graves of young Americans who answered the call to service surround the globe.

Now the trumpet summons us again--not as a call to bear arms, though arms we need--not as a call to battle, though embattled we are-- but a call to bear the burden of a long twilight struggle, year in and year out, "rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation"--a struggle against the common enemies of man: tyranny, poverty, disease and war itself.

Can we forge against these enemies a grand and global alliance, North and South, East and West, that can assure a more fruitful life for all mankind? Will you join in that historic effort?

In the long history of the world, only a few generations have been granted the role of defending freedom in its hour of maximum danger. I do not shrink from this responsibility--I welcome it. I do not believe that any of us would exchange places with any other people or any other generation. The energy, the faith, the devotion which we bring to this endeavor will light our country and all who serve it--and the glow from that fire can truly light the world.

And so, my fellow Americans: ask not what your country can do for you--ask what you can do for your country.

My fellow citizens of the world: ask not what America will do for you, but what together we can do for the freedom of man.

Finally, whether you are citizens of America or citizens of the world, ask of us here the same high standards of strength and sacrifice which we ask of you. With a good conscience our only sure reward, with history the final judge of our deeds, let us go forth to lead the land we love, asking His blessing and His help, but knowing that here on earth God's work must truly be our own.

President John F Kennedy’s Inaugural Address (January 20, 1961)

[spop-romanticizes-abuse]

so i just found some old interviews of spop, especially ones after the finale, and i just wanted to dissect some of the interesting parts:

the crew themselves keep reinforcing the idea that only catra saw adora for who she is, when the show itself says otherwise multiple times. catra, who mocked adora for never being a true hero, who kept hurting adora because she resented her for being she-ra, who kept saying that adora has a hero complex and that she is full of herself. that catra “motivated and inspired” adora?

“i wanted their romance to be the central arc”

this explains everything. the fact that they took an existing show with an intriguing fantasy world and so much potential and then reduced it to “cute lesbians kiss haha”. if you're gonna write a show about romance, do that. you don't have to butcher an already existing series for that.

“it reveals how that arc has been built”

what arc? is the arc we're talking about in the same room as us? because from what i can see, they put in zero effort to make c//a's development even halfway coherent. catgirl tortures hero for four seasons, gets saved by said hero and joins the good guys, continues torturing hero. how is that an arc?

so.. they have the right idea here. catra and adora did indeed need to take their time away from each other and deal with their problems. but did they? adora came close to building her self-esteem and realizing that she didn't have to take responsibility for everything around her. but then all that was reversed in s5 when she was forced into a relationship with the same person who ruined her sense of self-worth in the first place.

catra.. doesn't even try. the closest she got to moving on from her past was during her time in the crimson waste but then she ends up spiralling even deeper into toxicity, adding more and more into her list of crimes. in s5, she is shown to reflect on her relationship with adora but does she learn anything from it? nope. she continues abusing and berating adora, she continues giving adora mixed signals and relying on adora to do all the work in the relationship.

so the crew seemingly had the right idea (although i'd say they still shouldn't get into a relationship, even after they've worked on their issues) but never followed through. instead they gave us a lazy and rushed redemption, where the wrongdoer never works on their flaws and instead puts all the blame on their partner. amazing.

so nate himself admits that not all of catra's actions were justified. but then, why does the show try to justify them? why does the show justify catra abusing adora by implying that it's because adora abandoned her? why does the show justify all of catra's toxic and abusive behaviour by blaming it solely on shadow weaver? if catra's actions cannot be justified, the narrative should keep her accountable, which they don't.

secondly, i'll try not to assume the worst of nate's personality from what he said, and just get to the important part.

“It's other people's decision to forgive you, that's not a given, but also there are ways for you to fix what's broken. You have to work hard to prove yourself again, you have to actually actively fix what's done, it's not as simple as a sacrifice.”

i'm so confused. the way nate says it, you'd think he applied all of this to catra's arc. but he didn't. “it's not as simple as a sacrifice” but a sacrifice was all it took for catra to be forgiven by her victims. she doesn't work on herself, her apologies were shallow, and she continues repeating the same mistakes. “it's other people's decision to forgive you” yet every single character forgives catra immediately and none of them are allowed to stay mad at her.

how could you write such a bad redemption and then talk about it as if it had all the details and nuance it was lacking? again, when speaking, nate seems to have the right idea of how to write a redemption arc. why did they fumble so badly when it came to actually executing it in the story? the only answer i can think of is that none of the writers in the crew are good at writing.

[monetsway]

Generational Detriment

If you enable your children, you might as well abuse them. No…not literally abuse these gifts to our bloodline but this is what I mean. When we sit up here and save our loved ones from hardships, we’re tearing them away from valuable lessons they need to be successful. We are saving them from wisdom they can pass down. And well…we’re saving them from karma that they may have gained by moving in a way that doesn’t reflect their highest self.

Some people may disagree and that’s fine but the proof is in the pudding. Usually people, no matter the financial class, who enable their children are setting them up for failure. Because these same children will grow up and become adults that believe every issue in life is going to break them. That every other authority figure or rule must cave into what they desire. The same individuals who will grow to believe honest people are not good for them so they surround themselves with people who are dishonest. The truth repels them because they have been able to be saved through the lies for so long. Where there’s truth, the lie cannot survive. However, a lie thrives in comfortability. Truth is hidden in growth because without honesty, there will never be true growth internally.

Ever since I realized that successful people are people who don't give up after being told ‘no’ a thousand times, I’ve looked at the people who are always told yes. Let’s be real and realize, there’s a clear difference.

The entitlement alone that comes with somebody who always has another somebody that’s pulling them out of the holes they dug, is crazyyyy. You would think the people that have someone(s) looking out for them would be more intentional with gratitude but that couldn’t be further from the truth. But if I can be honest…it’s an attitude that can attach itself to anyone who refuses accountability.

Then soon enough, people like that will believe what they choose to believe because accountability makes them too uncomfortable in the fact that they play a role in the downfall of a situation.

Everyone makes mistakes. This is something everyone knows but only thinks about when they refuse to see the hand they played.

There’s power in reflecting and seeing where you went wrong. When you can pinpoint where YOU went wrong, you are able to avoid something crumbling before your eyes again. And there is where you will avoid doing that again so you don’t end up with dreadful results in the end.

My Granny always told me, ‘God ain’t gone ask you what the other person did. He’s going to ask YOU what you did.’.

I couldn’t agree more. Most of my anguish in life came from worrying about the way others treated me but 9/10 I gave them the handbook. But if you find yourself going down a familiar road of patterns that you aren’t happy with, it's time to look within yourself. Only you can control you; what everyone outside of you does, is completely out of your control. Nothing wrong with pointing out where you messed up at - if anything that makes you more relatable and teachable.

Being enabled does not make you teachable. In all honesty… you will never know everything. From the day you’re born to the day you pass away, you will always learn new information. What you decide to do with that information will decipher what your character is. As for me, you can learn alot about a person who thinks everyone else is the problem and I stay away from those types.

Cause ok…even if everyone else is the ‘problem’, why do you keep surrounding yourself with those types? Make it make sense.

[boimann]

i have some neurodivergent headcanons for the lads

Sniper is autistic

he has a cupple of special interests but his main one is survival

he has major light sensitivity issues and struggles with eye contact, his glasses help him not get overwhelmed and he rearly ever takes them off

he has a hard time showing emotions and he is VERY blunt

he goes non verbal frequently

Scout has adhd and dyslexia

time blindness the man

he has changed hobbie 17 times in the past week

he just follows the serotonin

what is impulse control???

reading is frustrating as hell because he will end up reading the same line 28 times and not even realize

he wears hand wraps because he balls his hands a bit too hard at times and ends up accidentally scratching his palms with his nails

he vocal stims

Soldier is also autistic

his special interest is 'MURICA BABYYY!!! (and war)

he has a very monotone voice and cannot control his tone of voice to save his life

he vocal stims a LOT

his helmet helps him not get visually overstimulated

deviations from his schedual will lead to you getting market gardened

every day he wakes up and rearranges his collection of heads based on the class order

Medic has chronic mania

what is impulse control 2: electric boogaloo

he has frequent hallucinations (he sees the hat man twice a day and they are very good friends)

archiemedes is his service dove and helps him come back to reality when his delusions get too intense

Pyro also has autism

they're mostly non verbal

he has really hard time understanding social ques

they hate being touched his suit helps them not get overstimulated

he has to have sound blasted in their ears 24/7 or he won't hear themselves think

he loves lying down on the floor with their flamethrower on top of them because the pressure is nice :)

[voltstone]

okay can i say a thing about esther in fics

So, this isn't something I loathe, or take great issue with, or anything, since I understand why this character is the way she is in a lot of fics, or any fandom interpretation. A lot of times, in fandoms, characters will change roles depending on the fanwork context. So if you want to explore a specific type of abuse with Enid, obviously Esther is going to fit that role.

I also have a lot to say with Murray, but I'll cool off with that for now. However, a lot of the same applies.

Anyway, I...do wish there was more nuance to Esther within the fandom? Or a better appreciation as to why she is a problem. Especially since she's a direct foil to Morticia, because both mothers ultimately have the same issue, it's just Morticia handles it with grace, and Esther doesn't.

Esther is an overbearing mother.

That is emotional abuse, which often stems from a genuine care for the child, but through a very warped perception that is so because of insecurity and/or entitlement.

I get it. I get why she's written to be physically abusive in a lot of fics, or do other things. It's a way to tell the stories people want to write, and I can't say that I won't be responsible for that. For context, the project I'm working on now has a lot of medical abuse where...it's really, really bad. Far worse than what's presumably in the show. And it's something done out of insecurity.

...can't really be a good judge of what or how I handle her, since I'm the writer of that. But. Whatever.

The point is, as someone whose personal experience with maternal abuse was never a physical one, and was purely emotional/mental, it does feel like a lot of the fandom doesn't understand how devastating those are, and equates physical abuse as...the worst kind. When in reality, they're not comparable, and it ultimately depends on the people involved. Some people can better defend themselves against mental abuse over physical, others it's the opposite.

And then you just have the additional context. Like what...is actually happening.

It's an oversimplification that I think really misses the point in trying to analyze what the show tries to say about Esther and Enid. Enid is a people pleaser. Enid does want to please her mom, but she acknowledges and pushes back against the pressure she's been put in. Very emotionally intelligent in that regard, probably because she had to be. And because she physically cannot wolf-out for the bulk of the show, Enid chooses to prioritize another thing that her mom may like: finding a "mate", of sorts. With or without a possible issue in comphet, this may be why Enid is so overbearing with Ajax. Because she's trying to compensate for not being able to frolic in the forest, beneath a full moon, as a saber dog thing.

Meanwhile, Esther is overbearing...because she is also compensating for something. When Esther hands Enid the pamphlet for summer conversion camps, she says outright that a cousin of Enid's had the same problem.

This is a familial issue. And may be indicative of something genetic: the Sinclairs, for whatever reason, have a predisposition for late-blooming. And Esther doesn't like it. Maybe because she's a late-bloomer herself, or, she saw what happened in older generations and wants to "save" Enid from it. By doing things potentially just as bad.

And she foils Morticia because Enid is not like her. The same way that Wednesday is not like Morticia. There's friction of interests. There's friction in communication, and in how to articulate love for each other.

However, Morticia actually accepts Wednesday. She doesn't understand her, but she tries. She leaves Thing to watch over her. Leaves the crystal ball. And leaves the necklace that Wednesday wears, because rather than physical touch, she doesn't mind the touch of cold obsidian. Ergo, by the time of season's end, Wednesday understands better how to communicate with her mother because her mother understands how to show her love. So she lets Morticia...kinda sorta embrace.

Esther meanwhile cannot get through to Enid because...she does not restrain herself. She's overbearing because she's being overruled by insecurity, and perhaps entitlement. There is an interesting implication with her wearing a wool vest--making her a literal wolf in sheep's clothing--, and that brings another layer of nuance.

And that's what...I really just want. I want more nuance and complexities than just "Esther evil. Esther hit Enid. Esther sell Enid off to be omega whore, or something."

So. Yeah.

I'mma go back to writing.

[the-chosen-fanfiction]

Capernaum's Sweetest | Chapter 1

Chapter 1 - The girl at the bakery

Chapter list

Under a glorious sunrise, Zebedee and his sons find their way back to the Capernaum docks with empty nets folded up inside their vessel. The orange of the sky feels like a softening of the blow, the sole good thing to come from their fruitless journey out onto the water, for the Sea of Galilee has been far from generous lately when it comes to letting go of her fish.

With a sigh, Zebedee drags the boat onto the shore with the help of James whilst John takes the nets and puts them to dry in the warmth of the same sun, a tired look on their faces as they retreat to their home where Salome is just preparing breakfast for the men of the house. The smell of freshly baked bread wafts their way the moment they set foot over the threshold.

“Shalom, shalom!” she greets with a chipper voice, a far cry from the mood of her exhausted husband and children, ushering them to their rooms to freshen up. Although none of them has even touched a fish all night, they still tend to smell after hours on the water. 

Wordlessly, the brothers head to their respective rooms to wash themselves and put on something clean, eager to settle in for an easy morning consisting of eating breakfast and taking a nap right after, likely until somewhere in the mid-afternoon, after which they will spend the rest of the day slightly groggy while doing not much. 

“Did you have any luck, my love?” Salome asks as she pours Zebedee a cup of water, although the man in question would much rather have something stronger instead, empty stomach or not, as if his wife cannot read from his face that it can’t be good news. The usual easy-going glittering in his dark eyes is far from present, instead something akin to defeat lingering in the action of averting his gaze. 

“Perhaps that a disease has struck the fish,” he suggests, “And because of it, the amount of young tilapia this year has drastically dropped…” Running a hand down his face, Zebedee sighs. “It is not like we going hungry, but if this keeps happening…” 

Salome puts a hand on his arm and gently squeezes. “We will find a way to make ends meet,” she reassures him, “I know you will not let us get hungry.” 

“I am the provider of this family,” Zebedee says with a hint of frustration to his voice, more directed towards himself than the fact that he hasn’t caught a single fish in over eight, nine days by now.

When John and James step back into the room, their parents quickly smoothen out the worry in their faces, but the young men are old enough to notice something amiss. “Out with it,” James demands in almost fatherly fashion, and Zebedee would have laughed if the pit in his gut hadn’t been weighing on him so heavily. John sits down at the table as well, stealing a sip of his fathers’ drink before turning to him, folding his arms over his chest. 

“What seems to be the issue?” 

“The lack of catch,” Zebedee answers without beating around the bush, knowing there is no need to do so. His sons give one another a look.

“We have had a bit of bad luck,” John says with a shrug, “It will figure itself out, won’t it?” 

Zebedee’s eyes find the tabletop with a kind of sadness that has both brothers swallow hard upon witnessing it. “Before John was born, and James was little,” Zebedee suddenly starts, “There were a few months of what you just called ‘bad luck’. I could not be the father and the husband I wanted to be, going out on the water over and over again at different moments of the day in the hopes of catching something — anything — but I just couldn’t get it done. Nothing swam into my nets these weeks, and I saw our savings depleting by the day.” 

“Pestilence, it was later established,” Salome adds, gently caressing her husband’s back at the memory both of them had wanted to remain completely banished from their minds, “A few poorer families were financially supported by the rest of the village, but a few older fishermen didn’t live to see the next spring due to the stress it put on their souls…” She heaves a shaky sigh.

James had been too young to remember, but he senses the impact the event has had on his parents. John also leans a little closer in an attempt to convey that all will be well. 

“I just don’t want—” Zebedee takes a moment to gather himself and get rid of the tremor in his voice before starting over again, “I just don’t want the same thing to happen to us again. Even though you two are adult men already, I am still your father. I am still the head of the family.” 

The brothers let their gazes meet in silent discussion of what to say next. “We are old enough to pull our weight around here,” James comments, “If you need us to do more…” 

John nods in agreement, “We could get a job!” James snaps his fingers and points at his younger brother.

“Yes!”

Zebedee and Salome give each other a look. “Nonsense,” Salome says, “You two are fishermen, taking after your own father.” 

“We have been going out on the water with the three of us since forever,” James notes, “That is the time and energy of three grown men doing a task that can be done by just one. At least, whenever the fishing industry isn’t doing too well…” 

“We could look for something on the side, just for the time being.” John adds, “I mean, as soon as abba continues to catch so many fish that he needs our muscle again, we can just quit.” 

James nods at his brother, both of them already sold on their own idea. Zebedee gives them a thoughtful expression whilst deliberating inside his mind what to do with their suggestion, for even though he wants to be the main supporter of the family himself as his duty commands, he cannot deny that it is a great idea.

“I cannot ask that of you,” Zebedee then states, “After all, it is not up to you guys to put money on the table. I will be the one to go out and look for work instead, so that you two can go out on the water and do what I have taught you to do. That way, I will be the one taking the responsibility of this family on my shoulders, and—” 

“—Wait a second,” John cuts off his father, “Something smells burnt in here.”

Salome’s face pales at the realisation and she jumps to her feet, rushing over to a steadily burning loaf to lift it out of the oven. The men turn to look at her as her cheeks turn red with embarrassment, a look of dejection appearing on her features as a thick smoke grows from the otherwise perfectly braided challah, blackened beyond the point of saving.

“That was supposed to be our breakfast,” she whispers, closing her eyes, “Made from the last bit of flour left in the pantry.” 

“Do we need to get some new flour for you?” James immediately wants to ease her feeling of humiliation. “John and I can quickly stop by the market and get a bag or two.” 

Swallowing thickly, their mother shakes her head, sighing as she rubs her forehead. “No… Oh, no, that won’t do. If I were to make a new loaf of bread right now, it would have to rise for hours before I could bake it… It wouldn’t be done before dusk, I’m afraid. Oh… I’ve been baking bread for decades! It has been ages since one of them burnt!” 

Before Salome can beat herself up about it any further, her sons rise to their feet to comfort her. “Then we will just head for the bakery to get ourselves some readily baked bread,” John states, “And before you say that it is more expensive, we are aware. But you and abba both need to sit down for a bit and take it easy for the rest of the day.” 

After a brief silence, Zebedee chuckles a bit before handing James a few shekels to purchase a challah from the local bakery. “It seems that our own sons are more reasonable than us, my dear.” Salome can’t help but smile a bit as her husband wraps an arm around her shoulders, pressing a kiss to the side of her head. “Now, you two know our usual. Give Hosea our best regards.” 

The boys put on their sandals again. Armed with a large bag, they head out on the busy streets of Capernaum. The sun has climbed the air and warms their faces pleasantly as they traverse the local market, where vendors are crying for attention over their wares. 

“You know, James,” John begins as he walks with his older brother, “I think you made a good point in us needing to find a job. I mean, eema and abba are becoming a little older every year and even though they wouldn’t admit it, they could use some occasional rest and recreation at their age. If abba took like one or two days off per week, I think the receding of his hairline would go way more slowly.” 

James snorts a laugh. “Don’t let him catch you say that.” John smirks a little before his older sibling continues. “But yes, we should indeed look out for something with decent pay. I could use my strength and try some transportation jobs for people needing someone to lift their heavy stuff. You… Well, what would you be good at?” 

With a roll of his eye, John punches James’ shoulder, who holds it in feigned hurt.

“Hey!’

“Shut up, I’m good at plenty of things… For example… I can write! I could help people write down letters to their loved ones for a fee.” 

“Would you really cheat a poor elderly lady out of her deceased husband’s hard earned money just because she wants to write a letter to her sister on the other side of Galilee?” 

“…Maybe not.” 

John thinks for another moment. “Perhaps… I could become a scribe at synagogue? Write down the sermons by hand while they are being given by the rabbis?” 

“You would never be able to pay attention for long enough.” 

“Oh, as if you always take in everything they are preaching.” John counters.

“You have fallen asleep against my shoulder more often than not!” 

“Why should I pay attention to these hundreds of laws, I can just look them up in Torah if I need them. It’s not like that someone listing them once gets them stuck inside my mind—” 

“—You’re just making excuses!” James huffs.

John raises an eyebrow. “Oh yeah? Then what are all six-hundred laws from the top of your head?” 

James inhales sharply. “Well there is… There is the dietary laws… And uh… We can’t wear mixed fabrics.”

“Those are the basic ones, I know these as well!”

“Oh then enlighten me, you insufferable know-it-all!” 

The siblings cut short their bickering when they arrive at the door of the bakery, as if they hadn’t been arguing in the first place. The room is heavy with the scent of fresh bread and an oppressive heat hangs in the air, the ovens poorly ventilated. The sons of Zebedee wait for their turn in silence whilst the middle-aged baker known as Hosea helps out the other customers, a handful of people also in need of bread. 

“It’s been ages since we’ve been here,” John whispers at James, “And nothing has changed whatsoever. He still has these dusty shelves…” 

“Yes, and that one wonky chair is still broken.” James nods at one of the tables on the side, meant for customers to be able to consume their breakfast or lunch at. However, the facilities seem to be hardly used for a long while.

When they were younger, the brothers used to join their eema to the bakery in order to gawk at the pastries whilst she made smalltalk with the widowed baker. Now, the sweet goods that used to be on display on one of the counters are nowhere to be seen. 

Hosea peers at James and John from under a pair of thick, bushy brows. He scratches through his beard as he gives them a thoughtful look. “My eyes aren’t as good as they once were,” he begins, “But I believe that you are the boys of Salome, aren’t you?” 

“Yes!” John breathes, smiling as he steps up to the counter, his older brother right behind him, “We are here on her behalf to get a loaf of bread.” 

“Been a while,” Hosea mutters, “I bet she’s been making bread for you herself.” 

James nods and Hosea smiles a bit. “How is she doing? And your father?” 

“They have been doing quite well in spite of the fishing business being a little dry these days. No pun intended. They say shalom, by the way.” James rubs at his neck.

“Give them my best. And I see. Sometimes we have poor seasons, no? Same for me when the wheat harvest goes bad. I hope and pray that things may look up for you.” 

“Thank you.” John replies.

Hosea hums. “So, what kind of bread can I make you happy with today?” 

“A challah would be perfect,” John responds, causing the baker to turn to one of the shelves to get it, only to find it empty. 

He opens his mouth to speak, but just as he is about to call out to the back of the shop, a woman with her (h/c) hair neatly tucked into a veil which is bound onto the top of her head enters the room with a tray of warm bread in her arms. A little off-balance, she heads for the empty shelf, smiling a little uncertainly at the baker.

“It took me a while, but I finally managed to get all the challahs out of the oven.” 

Hosea hums and nods, stepping aside for you to load them onto the display. 

“Good job, girl. You will get the hang of it, don’t you worry now. You will get these muscles soon enough.” 

You laugh lightly albeit a bit nervously as you start putting the light bread onto the shelf. “While you are at it, girl, why don’t you help out these gentlemen? You’ve watched me do it, now you can do so, too.” 

“Oh, of course! What did they need?” 

“Ask them yourself.” Hosea spurs you on with a patient smile on his face. 

Wiping your hands on your tattered apron, you turn to the counter with glittering, curious eyes. John feels his throat run dry at the sight of your smile, so he hopes that James will take the lead instead. However, when his brother doesn’t open his mouth, John momentarily looks at him to find him staring at you, equally as tongue-tied.

You mistake their silence as a sign that you must be doing something wrong. “Oh, right, where are my manners? Welcome to Hosea’s Bakery, how may I help you today?” 

You give the owner of the shop a questioning look, who nods at you reassuringly. 

Suddenly finding their voice, James and John step closer at the same time, trying to reply to you in unison.

“We would like—”

“Could we please—” 

They pause, giving each other a nod, until John finally speaks. “One challah, please.” 

You hum in acknowledgement and smile again. “One challah, coming right up.” Turning back to the display, you clap her hands together in an attempt to calm your nerves. As if you have forgotten where you have put the bread you took out of the oven barely a minute ago, you search the wall for the requested kind.

“Let me… Sorry, it’s my first day.” You let out a nervous laugh and continue looking, before Hosea steps in your direction and taps the label that says the name of the bread. Instead of looking at the word, however, you seem to take in the appearance of the lightly shiny crust instead.

“Oh, of course! I’m so sorry for making you wait, gentlemen. That will be… Um… What is the price again?”

“A half-shekel.” 

“Right! A half-shekel.” 

After a moment of both the brothers being frozen in their spot, John bumps James who profusely starts searching for their father’s satchel of money. “Uh… Here!” The older son of Zebedee takes out a whole shekel and pays you, quickly dropping the coin into your palm.

Walking over to the bowl serving as a register, you search through the change for a while. Giving each other a look, James and John wonder silently who this new baker is and why they have never seen you around the village. With Hosea’s help, you manage to find the right amount of money to return back to the customers who are still patiently waiting for you to finish the exchange.

“Here you go, sir! Thank you for buying from Hosea’s Bakery! Have a wonderful day, and please come again. Shalom shalom!” 

“Shalom shalom,” the boys greet in muttered unison as they rush out of the bakery, loaf tucked inside their bag, not leaving it open for it to cool down in the slightest. 

Once outside, both of them let out a breath as if they have been holding it. With a long exhale, James turns to his younger brother. “Who was she?” 

“I was about to ask you the same.” 

They momentarily cast a glance over their shoulder, seeing a glimpse of you through the window. “If we had seen her around before, I’m sure we would have noticed, right?” 

“Right.” James agrees. “I would definitely have remembered a smile like that.” 

“And eyes like that.” John murmurs as they head back to their home, both of them feeling inexplicably light on their feet. 

Zebedee and Salome are patiently awaiting the return of their sons and look up from their position at the kitchen table when they enter the house, handing their eema the bag right away so that she can serve breakfast at last. 

Only now realising they haven’t eaten in quite some time, they quickly join their parents after washing their feet and hands. Zebedee leads his family in prayer before they start their meal. “How was good old Hosea?” Salome wonders as she cuts a few royal slices from the bread and hands them out.

“Hosea? Oh, yes, he was well…” James answers, voice a bit higher pitched than normal.

“Did you give him my regards?” 

“We did.” John immediately responds, “He said shalom back.” 

Salome hums and takes a sip from her drink.

“Anything else new with him?” 

“No, I don’t think so...”

James shakes his head as well, looking at his brother. “No, me neither. He is the same old grumpy man.” 

John mutters: “Still hasn’t fixed his eating area.” 

“That’s right.” James confirms.

The woman lets out a long hum, giving her husband a look. Both of them are definitely thinking that something may have happened on the way, for the boys seem oddly agitated about something. “Is everything alright?” Zebedee wants to know, leaning closer.

“Yes! Of course, what ever could be going on?” James defends his brother and himself. John hums and takes a large bite from his bread. 

“Hosea is fine.” 

“Yes, he is fine.”

Now even more suspicious, Salome narrows her eyes, but doesn’t pry any further.

“Alright then, whatever you say. Thank you for getting us this food, by the way. Otherwise, all of us would have gone through the day hungry until supper.” 

Exchanging a look, James and John consume the rest of their meal in silence, deciding to keep the mystery woman working at the bakery between them.

---

Chapter list

[plslovemeforeverandever]

Dude you have no idea how thrilled I am to find another blog that appreciates the concept of a yandere solid snake as much as I do. Oh my God just imagine him and Liquid in a yandere rivalry over the same person-

Welcome to the tiny circle of hell @bweoo and i populate :3 (they made my pfp i love it soooo much mwah)

Not sure what took you to my blog since I'm a literal nobody, but thank you for asking! That Good Yandere Mg s content is in tragically short supply both here and on ao3, though what exists is pretty good.

(You can take my thoughts with a grain of salt since i haven't finished twin snakes yet hehe. Bweoo gave me that sweet infodump)

For Liquid and Solid, their issues comes from a conflict of perspective

As we've semi-established, Solid is an overprotective type yandere. The kind of man to lend a hand unprompted when needed- whether it be a ride home, a steady hand or a warm word.

(The kind of man who lights his cigarette under a streetlamp across the street from your appartment. Keeping an eye peeled. Just in case)

Overbearing, watchful, observant, in a way the average person could never comprehend. He's lucid enough to know his actions are strange - swiping clothes from your beloved's laundry bin is hardly normal- but he cannot for the life of him pull away, helpless to escape their orbit.

Despite these acts, Snake's desperate to preserve a sense of normalcy.

His end goal is ensuring his beloved's happiness + wellbeing no matter the cost to his mind, body, and sanity. And if those costs are paid by other people uninvolved in his balancing act...no one (especially not you) needs to know

At the end of another mission, tossing and turning alone in his quarters, Solid yearns for your warm warm hands.

Liquid however, is a whole other can of crazy. A churning sea riddled with insecurity, daddy issues, and zero impulse control wrapped up in a set of chiseled abs

Where Solid is "selfess," Liquid is greedy. Where Solid is stable, Liquid is erratic. He demands every iota of your attention while denying he wants it.

Don't be fooled by his british rage, Liquid craves validation like a flame craves oxygen. He needs the addictive high of your eyes on him. Only him.

He's your world entire, after all (as you are his).

Why would your pretty little head think it needed anyone else?

Unfortunately, Liquid does not take to anyone breaking this illusion. As shown by canon, he deems violence an appropriate problem solving skill. Just last week he jammed his thumb in agent's eye socket for "flirting" (read: asking your name)n. After that, no one breathed a word in your direction.

While he's never turned that blazing heat of hatred on you, it's only a matter of time. A stray glance here or a head tilt there and his beloved might find themselves in hot water with their big bad terrorist 'lover.'

(He's not all bad, not all the time. Not in the dead of night, his arms wrapped around your smaller frame so tight you feared fusing into a single being.)

Ok I went off too long . Anyway...

Solid and Liquid's rivalry/relationship is already tumultuous, but add a common obsession to the mix and their fight would reach a fever pitch.

Solid's careful meticulous planning all goes out the window when Liquid snatches you from the compound. He sees no problem in taking - id might as well be his middle name- and claiming the ultimate prize.

Solid panics -> rushes off to save them -> spirits them from Liquid's maniacally laughing arms -> Liquid devises a way to strike back in rage -> and so on and so forth until one of them explodes.

Not to mention a good chunk of Liquid's insecurity stems from being the "inferior" twin. Losing his partner to Solid is too crushing a blow, so he fights tooth and nail to bring s/o back. Even if he has to drag you kicking and screaming all the way to his base.

Snake wants a peaceful Alaskan retirement, while Liquid wants to set the world ablaze with his beloved by his side. Obviously these futures are not compatible.

Both have a vested interest in securing s/o to "protect" them from their twin. Both see themselves as s/o's ideal lover

As for who would win? While Liquid has boundless passion, Solid and his more lax demeanour might win s/o over.

It's up to you viewers! Stay tuned maybe for other things if you want.

I'm running out of steam

(Big boss is a whole other can of worms. To me. He is a fusion of both solid and liquids best/worst traits. The snake yandere gene is real)

Hope this helped (?) Somehow. Have a good day !!!

[eggcatsreads]

I still gotta put my thoughts together, but I think potentially this author just isn't for me. I strongly disliked The Book of Accidents, and while I liked this one more, I wouldn't say I actually liked this book.

I'm going to settle on a 3.25 rating, as despite me finding the beginning rather rough and - despite the title - this focusing much more on interpersonal trauma and HOUSES than staircases - there were some parts I did find interesting that I wished were explored more.

I do think this book took more inspiration from No-End House (despite the author never mentioning it) as opposed to the staircases in the woods phenomena/r/nosleep as - and I cannot stress this enough - there are almost no staircases in this book. I believe there are a total of 4. I suspect I'd have even enjoyed this book more had that aspect been removed, as it felt superfluous and like it was badly stitched on so he could name the book this and hopefully get those familiar with that story to read this.

Once the first about 30% was done, I found this book less of a chore to read, but before that, every character felt like an annoying caricature of one. (And despite the author clearly leaning anti-Trump, I felt like the queer character he'd written felt like such an "in your face" stereotype to play against the MAGA nice guy that I genuinely could not tell if he was conservative or not. Which. Didn't put a good taste in my mouth.)

Also, felt odd that he'd specifically made an aromantic character but then they end the book in Some kind of relationship - despite them not working out when they were younger, and the other character having had MULTIPLE moments with another character, which would have led to there not just being one single stereotypical queer woman in this novel, and instead having a majority queer cast of varied (non-caricatured) flavors. That's not the biggest issue but it is one I noticed considering how rough that introduction to the queer character WAS in this book.

Finally, the ending was such a tease that it almost felt annoying to even read it, tbh. I'm aware it's common for horror novels to end open-ended, but this one felt like "what was even the point then?" to me when I got there.

And. While this book focuses on trauma as a plot point, so many of the traumas are poorly added and tacked on - and then discussed in such a weirdly flippant "I'm traumatized too! I have it bad too,!" way that's hard to describe. (One scene specifically reminded me of when Jenny Nicholson reviewed Split and had the one character only be saved because they cut themselves to show their self-harm, where it felt almost ridiculous the way it was brought up.)

I was given this book as a widget and since I love the r/nosleep of the staircases in the woods I was hoping I'd like this, despite not liking an earlier book by this same author, but unfortunately that wasn't the case and I might have to remove him from authors I'll read in the future since his writing just isn't for me.

[ishneak]

Athrun/Cagalli: Duty and the death of love vs. Love and the death of duty in Gundam

about two years ago, i had an in-depth discussion on Reddit on the relationship between Athrun and Cagalli and how much it mirrors Tristan and Isolde (or Game Of Thrones' Jon Snow and Daenerys Targaryen if you'd like but i was never too pleased with the execution of the eventual conclusion of that show). in fact a lot of themes appear to be lifted off Richard Wagner's works specifically the names of some weapons or items in SEED/CE but what seems to be the most apparent is the uncanny similarity of the predicament that the Red Knight of ZAFT and the Orb Princess find themselves in (you could argue Athrun is a kind of Prince being the son of former Chairman Zala) like Wagner's tragic lovers fated to be kept apart.

Cagalli needed to reject Athrun (and the free spirited galivanting with her rebellious TSA friends) so she could focus on the grown-up role as head of state of Orb. at the same time she probably did not want to give Athrun a reason to fall behind, allowing him room to grow into his own person and tie up whatever loose ends he needed in ZAFT/PLANTs. this is pretty admirable in an adult sense, they're both being very mature by not being too clingy or needy of each other, allowing personal growth and some degree of independence but hopefully not too much as Athrun has willingly showed that after he finished what he needed to do, he went back to Orb and potentially be by Cagalli's side.

Cagalli tried to not be too reliant on Athrun herself attempting to take on the external and internal issues within Orb and the Seirans all by herself, but as soon as Athrun left she was the most vulnerable (hence the photo for this post) from still feeling the reigns all by herself. good thing she still had her twin brother and his friends around to catch her fall and by the time she acquired Akatsuki and established a determined resolve on leading her nation, she knew how to stand on her own two feet. whether Athrun still has a place to be beside her remains to be seen, we'll have to see how much he can contribute as a commander/general (i'm really hazy with the ranks in Orb especially when the lore is a little inconsistent) of Orb along with the Freedom movie's revelation that he has been reassigned (or was it his decision?) to Terminal, a third party branch of the Orb Army out of a sense of duty for Orb or Cagalli.

ultimately Tristan and Isolde had a depressing ending (both lovers cannot get out of their social and moral structures, Tristan gave up romantic love for his love of duty to his king, Isolde likewise felt obligated to stay with her king for her family and country to keep people from dying, then he later died tragically before he could be reunited with Isolde) but hopefully Fukuda will stop with the association before it gets to that. some wonder who Cagalli will go for in a political marriage next, will she marry for love or duty? and could Athrun come into his own (be powerful and influential enough) just in time to fulfill both? besides the moral of Tristan and Isolde has been to pursue a love that preserves rather than destroys, celebrates rather than abolishes individuality and seeks life rather than death--themes that Cagalli were desperate to uphold, at one time saving Athrun's life with it. if we are really sure we love who we want to love, we have to get out of the structure and go and fight for that love.

SOURCES [1] [2] [3]

[alpaca-clouds]

Something I am thinking about a lot while I am in the hospital is how our measurements of expertise are bound so strongly to structures of power. This is not inherent to expertise - it is just how our current system handles things.

The fact that someone has a doctorate in a field of medicine does not inharently enable them on a reality level to actually treat someone, who is sick. It enables them to do so legally, yes, but not realistically.

As someone who has struggled with health related issues forever, I can tell so many stories of times, where it was not a doctor who helped me but some other person. There was a nurse once, who saved me from being poisoned by a doctor, because she realized - other than the doctor - that the doctor accidentally had prescribed me the wrong medication. And there was only two years a nurse in the psych hospital who fixed an issue with my knee that so far several different doctors had failed to fix.

Throughout my life I several times correctly diagnosed myself with medical conditions, after different doctors misdiagnosed me.

The same is happening right now as well. @g-vlssz and I correctly identified the issue plaguing me right now TWO FUCKING MONTHS ago, and my current deterioation in health could've been prevented if any of the multiple doctors who saw me during this time just gave me corticoids. But they didn't, because I do not have a medical degree. It took me six weeks to convince a doctor to just look into our suspicion - a test that any other doctor could have ordered as well.

And the only reason that nobody took it serious, despite me arguing on a medical level (like with blood lab results and stuff) why I was suspecting the thing I was suspecting. And the only reason why it was not taken seriously is, that I do not have a piece of paper by a medical institution that gives me the legal power to just prescribe myself the medication.

Self-Diagnosis is always this massively politically charged topic, especially when it comes to a plethora of disabilities. Not only will doctors often get really angry, when you bring the topic up, but a lot of non-doctors, who believe in the existing power structure will as well.

It is something that on some level does make sense intuitively. Like, sure, we do not want people to be able to prescribe themselves like morphines, I guess.

But a lot of talk also always centers around the fact, that a lot of people do simply fear cancer. So, when some varied symptoms show up, they often will jump to the conclusion of "OMG, it has to be cancer". But... like... You are aware that this happens mostly because those people end up often feeling neglected by their primary medical providers after like going to the doctor for their chronic stomach issues and do not get serious - or will not even get to see a doctor in months because the waiting lists are so long. Nobody WANTS to be sick with cancer - but if nobody looks into any causes, what information do have people to go on? It is simply a fact that cancer is one of those sicknesses with a lot of information available on it. So, when someone starts to google: "Chronic stomach ache cause" cancer will be one of the things that will come up.

I mean, the reason why both I and my friend were correctly able to identify my symptoms (not with the exact sickness but the correct type of sickness) was that I managed to get at least seen by doctors and get some blood work done - and that I simply went into it assuming that the various symptoms that showed up unrelated over the last year without a cause ever being found were connected. And one of the symptoms is something that basically only shows up with the type of sickness I have. No, I did not know that to begin with, but I googled it and other than what the anti-self-diagnosis crowd tells you, you can actually get pretty good information that way.

I have yesterday contacted a lawyer. I will talk to that lawyer later today. But I cannot help but think about not only how unfair this entire situation is to me (had the doctors given me corticoids 8 weeks ago, I never would have ended up in hospital), but also towards other people. Because right now there is a lot of healthcare money and man hours put into my case. Things that would be probably be better spend with someone, whose issue could not be fixed by just giving them a two weeks course of corticoids. Like, I am taking up room in this hospital for at least two more weeks, and by the end of it my health insurance will have paid between 30 and 40k for this. Simply because my GP was not available and nobody else would just give me the medication I needed?

[pea-brain]

first draft at some lore for kairi, full text below the cut. drawings same as the other post so i didnt bother to include close-ups

kairi was born to a village that, many, many generations ago steadily sent all their men to war. because of how isolated they were, the rest of the country forgot about them, neglecting to mention that the war had ended. none of their men returned (they were quite weak comparatively). years passed. the women (and children) left behind were made to survive a cold, harsh winter that lasted unseasonably long. they had lost a lot of their field workers and hunters, as it was a typical patriarchal set-up village. at one point, the villages priest-in-training was lost due to the village shrines giving nature, she had given all her provisions away. the people mourned greatly, and, eventually, consumed her to survive. with the loss of patriarchal figures the village turned to the priest as the sole leader. growing increasingly paranoid at the thought of her passing and all of them were still waiting for their men to return. this was compounded as the heir had been lost and the new children in training were still too young. they would be left with no one (this was, once again, a fiercely patriarchal society, and the women victim to it were unable to imagine themselves to be safe without direction). they turned to experimental medicine, as many had had the luxury of study with husbands who worked the fields. they dabbled in dark, retired things, and some things never before tried. eventually, using some pieces of the priest-in-training that had been preserved despite the starving (horns, some dried flesh, bones) they produced something that allowed the priest to live near twice as long as expected, giving enough time to train a new heir. 

this was not without consequences, bodies cannot survive that long, but as she slowly petrified she was still able to watch over the village, offering advice, and comfort, and, upon her passing, her body was used the same as her previous heir.

since then, recipes have been perfected, some women living for hundreds of years, and retaining bodily use into more than half way through careful care. there are some philosophers who argue that the careful care of the village is what allows the priest to live for so long, not what she is given from the previous priest, but this has gone untested. the village grew to observe a family-less society, where children had no parents and were raised by everyone. priests were able to provide great insight into issues as they had witnessed so many seasons and seen the same conflict over and over, like a living book. what ‘god’ the village originally worshipped was long lost, their ‘religion’ was the wisdom of cumulative knowledge and respect. patriarchy slowly fizzled down, remaining in labor division but only in a 2/3 to 1/3 split. the village does observe more than two gendered roles, and these are unattached to their job prospects. the only exception is a priest is always a woman. this has been questioned by men in the past, but ultimately respected. it is not an envied roll, its understood to be more of a curse. you do not get to live a life, you are the village. 

the village has observed some changes in features, tusks and horns have grown in length through generations, faces flatter, taller overall. the latter being a puzzling change for scholars of the village.

when a priest finally dies, her body is carefully consumed by all members of the village together, the horns saved for the new priest to continue the lineage. typically, if she is not yet of age, they will be saved until maturity (which has slowly increased over the years). occasionally, if a beloved member passes their body will too be consumed, beloved individuals bones are permissible to be made into jewellery or protective talasmans, decorations, hair woven into things. priests remains are kept at the temple, the first priest-in-training and her priest are displayed carefully for anyone to visit, and touch, if they feel moved to do so. priests are to stay at the temple as they are understood to be different to regular people, they are a part of the ‘spirit’ of the village and not to be hoarded. they are eaten together.

priests are still handy, aiding in catching and preparing of food until unable to do so. they are kept on smaller food rations than the rest of the village, restriction believing to elongate their lifespan due to cumulation of food over a lifetime. they often meditate to slow heart-rates / breathing and go without water for the same reason.

this continued until some crusaders found their way up the mountain. the village had managed to remained untouched for so long as it was a very snowy mountain top, with thin air (members of the village were more than accustomed to the cold and air), past an almost impossibly rocky area. upon discovering the village it was swiftly conquered. the people were ‘inbred’, their traditions were ‘barbaric and disgusting’, evidence of them (bones, paintings, books) were seized, smashed, burned, and many were killed, possibly including the current priest, but the priest-in-training was able to escape, kairi.

priest is a role saved exclusively for a woman chosen by the village adults unanimously, it is not a birthright, and is typically found from a younger age towards early teens. it is a role a woman can reject, but not many have. kairi is the first on record to have been chosen despite having a disparate birth sex. (there was possibly one many generations ago, scholars debate, but it is hard to discern from texts left behind (they wrote down very little at the time)) she was made to leave before her current priest was able to pass on naturally, and was thus unable to engage in her own ceremony. she is left half-trained and unsure of how long she will live.

priests are to pull their tusks from their time of being chosen until their death (they continuously re-grow, when they become immobile members of the village pull them on the priests behalf) and to keep their hair long, both are used to make talismans. kairi cut her own hair and horns in an attempt to be less conspicuous after escaping, she is in hiding but next to no one knows of her. this place was not widely reported on despite its ‘weird rituals’. she continues to pull her tusks. 

she wants to find her priest and living members of the village, but doesn’t know if anyone exists still.

[paris-in-space]

I need to get the thoughts I’m having about Doctor who out because if they just stay circulating my head I don’t know if I’ll be able to get to sleep it’s been 2 hours and I’m tired but my brain is refusing to shut down.

So, Dot and Bubble spoilers beware. Also these thoughts will be in the order I think of putting them down not in the chronology of the episode.

Weird place to start but one thing I got caught up on was the style of makeup that the majority of finetime characters had, like it was heavy and unflattering but in a way that seemed like maybe they were trying to go for a more natural look. And I’m sure there is something to be taken from this about the way people present themselves online but I’m too tired to do proper analysis it just struck me early on that I didn’t like the makeup. (It did feel fitting though)

I literally went “OH SHES BEING RACIST” out loud at the end. I do admit that although I did notice the weird vibes in Lindy’s responses to the doctor I didn’t pick up the exact meaning until that last scene, but then so many things clicked into place and made sense once I understood that fully. Like when she responded badly to the doctor appearing on the screen a second time I took it as irritation at his persistence, didn’t even think for a second that she didn’t realise it was the same guy.

Lindy deserves to get eaten by a slug.

Ricky September you deserve so much better.

(Not going to lie I didn’t think he was as attractive as everyone was making him out to be no offence to the actor I think it was a case of the weird makeup strikes again)

The lack of human connection is another thing that really stood out. This is the second episode this series to feature the concept of people never being hugged, albeit in different contexts. Just everyone being so focused in on themselves that basic human connection isn’t present in their society is such a sad thought, no wonder it turns out people like Lindy with no value for the lives of others and understanding of cultural differences if she has no meaningful relationships in her life at all. Just. Hug your friends guys (as long as they’re comfortable with it I know some people struggle with being touched)

The Doctor failing is such a rare thing, like of course there are tons of occasions where the Doctor can’t save everyone but they always try and almost always save at least someone. But these people cannot be saved, and it’s not the slugs that they can’t be saved from, it’s themselves. I think the lack of explanation into the detail of what actually was going on ties into this, because this time the Doctor doesn’t get to do a little “Here’s what’s been going down I saved you look how clever I am!” Because even the Doctor, the most caring wonderful being in the universe can’t save people who refuse to change and accept his help just because he’s different. The unfinished downer feeling feels totally intentional. Like, these people suck, the Doctor doesn’t get to experience a conclusive win, so neither do we as the audience.

The fact that this episode took place in the future too, they really said, just because time passes and things look like they’ve developed, societal issues have not disappeared and are still prevalent (I am white just so you know that’s the perspective I’m coming from) I think it’s a much more powerful way to address racism by putting it in a future setting than in the past. It’s very easy with historical settings to look at a piece of media and be like okay so the racism is awful but that is how it was, it’s uncomfortable but we can sort of look around it because everyone was doing it back then. But you put it in the future and you can’t look around it anymore because it should not be happening, should no longer be culturally acceptable. I’m struggling to put into words exactly what I mean, but it’s the difference between oh times were different back then it sucks but that’s how it was and times are not that different there’s still a massive issue to address here we can’t just sweep it under the rug of the past if we actually want things to be fair for everybody. It definitely made me think a lot more than a similar situation in a historical setting probably would have (not that that wouldn’t make me think but this has more impact)

On a more lighthearted note, the Dot flying around reminded me of the baubles from Runaway Bride. This is Doctor Who you cannot escape the floating balls.

Ruby doing the hair tuck seeing Ricky… she’s so real for that.

Overall I really love the concept of everyone so caught up in their own little world that they fail to see the horrors right before them. And it all comes back to the importance of human connection and understanding.

This has got to be the most thought provoking episode in a long time, and I’m sure there’s more thoughts I’ve had that I’ve forgotten to mention here.

[randomfanner]

I got tagged by @nyda-the-tav

TavTash Tag Game

@bearhugsandshrugs post about the very small TavTash community inspired me to make this: I want to learn more about you and your Tavs!

Tell us a bit about your Tav!  Anya is a half elf, college of lore bard (though she wanted to be a wizard) who worked at the Golden Eye Tavern for several years under her 'father' Otus(who is actually a devil named Plutus in disguise, running the tavern to attract souls and debtors). She worked as a porter and server Here is a picture, she only has art because she is chubby and I don't have BG3 on PC and her look in game isn't CLOSE (Enver made her cloak)

What alignment is your Tav? How does that align or clash with Gortash? Do they agree with him morally? She is Neutral Good and they argue a l o t. Gortash thinks he can sway her from good at first though and he is proven very, very, very, wrong

What God does your Tav follow? Is Gortash's position as Bane's chosen an issue?  Anya was raised by Ace, a aasimar son of Zeus with so many daddy issues and general dislike for the gods, and that kind of rubbed off on her(this adventure is proving that more and more). BUT, she hopes that Selune will take her soul for you know, saving her kid, killing Ketheric a traitor and saving Shadowheart. So it doesn't really come up. Anya is vaguely curious for more info but the more she learns the more she thinks she is justified in not- Granted Gortash being the chosen of Bane causes a lot of troubles for HIM and having feelings.

What did your Tav think of Gortash when they first met? Did they take his offer of an alliance?  Depends on what instance they first meet, because when they were children Anya was quite excited to bother him when he was working on inventions, and bringing him food. When they are adults she isn't exactly the most trusting of him, but does accept an altered version of the alliance, she will get the nether stone from Orin and then, after they know the Netherbrain won't be an issue, they can kill each other.

How did Gortash and your Tav get together? What do they see in each other?  Gortash was lonely, he would never call it that but he really, really missed my Durge: Calax. He figured that he just needed to make a new alliance with someone who had recently proven themselves of being capable. Perhaps needed to be... persuaded to see the right way of things, he knew she was still quite naive to the world, but perhaps was opening her eyes. So he made a deal with Anya that he would give her one thing of her choosing(to which she asked him to make Karlach a new heart) in exchange for her keeping him company. Eventually, after learning Enver was her childhood friend(because he did not look the same age as her, even if he is a human), she figured she would give a shot of actually being his friend. She also had to admire his intelligence, inventions and earnestly enjoyed his company. For Gortash, meanwhile, he cannot figure out WHY he likes her at all, and it is because she cares about him and can read him. Which he does hate sooooo much.

What does the future hold for your Tav and Gortash? Are they in a relationship, a one time thing, are they going to rule the sword coast together or kill each other in a tragic showdown? ... Ok so realistically, kill each other in a tragic showdown but the Author is a slut for happy endings even when they aren't deserved. So Gortash accidentally kills Anya before the fight, has to deal with a boat load of emotions... only to realize Anya was brought back from the dead later. And that is when he realizes that he isn't going to be able to go through with killing her intentionally- which he fucking hates for every single reason he would hate that... so he reluctantly steps down, Anya wins a bet to get Bane to let Enver free, and he gets sentenced to be the city's maintenance guy until he dies. Which he isn't happy about, vocally so- but he does eventually come to find some satstifcation in it. They also end up having three kids, Callie, Dante(Adopted) and Prometheus.

@bg3-stole-my-soul now you have to talk about Kieran