#when i get healthy coping mechanisms i'll let you know

[dudeshusband]

anyway. i'm having a normal one as usual.

[hauntedjellyfishwitch-blog]

Too Far.

Summary: He's like a wounded animal when he's angry, lashing out when he feels cornered. He's gone too far this time, snapped and said something he definitely didn't mean, so now he has to fix it.

Pairing: Daryl Dixon x Reader (No use of Y/N)

TW: Fighting. Daryl is a dick, but not really, but also he is. Apologetic!Daryl. Alexandria Era. Sex.

A/N: Inspired by an excellent post by @love-norman which I'll link in the comments. I wasn't sure if you were okay with smut, so there's a fairly brief mention of sex but nothing overly explicit.

-

He’s a surprisingly effective communicator, once she can convince him to talk more and with enough time to work out exactly what ticks and grunts mean what. Daryl Dixon’s entire bag is self-sacrifice, so if he can assume that she needs him to tell her what’s going on in the always too busy head of his, he can do that for her without much care for how it impacts him. It’s not his most healthy coping mechanism but it certainly isn’t his worst and the reward? Oh, the reward is sweet. The reward is comfort and kindness and being held; being loved. What’s a moment of discomfort for a lifetime of her?

He's had to practice letting his walls down, slowly but surely since he met her, all the while failing to realise she was just digging her way underneath them. She didn’t ever pry, not really, not in any way that felt invasive, but she’d patiently wait him out; ask the question quietly, softly, and let him linger in the comfortable silence until he chose to answer back. Sometimes she’d work out the information without his need to speak at all; it happened the moment he realised he was fucked, that he was absolutely, irrefutably hers. She’d worked out exactly who he was as a person and he’d barely sad a word.

He’s attentive, and whilst that shocks him it comes as no surprise to anyone around him. He has spent his life fearing that he is exactly who he feared, but those who are lucky enough to consider themselves, correctly or not, close to Daryl never fear for much but his wellbeing. That he is a careful, thoughtful and tender partner surprises nobody but him. That’s not to say they don’t argue, the end of the world comes with its own set of tensions even without the usual relationship concerns, but he’s learnt not to bite first.

-

He shouldn’t have drunk anything, in hindsight, they’re both in bad shape, overwrought and under-fed and they shouldn’t have been at a fucking party, of all places. He definitely shouldn’t have had the four glasses of scotch Reg offered him on a mostly empty stomach. He can’t get used to the Alexandria walls, the houses he never could have afforded to breathe near let alone buy, the soft comforts he’d never had even before the end of the world. He’s never been to a party that hasn’t had a piss-stained couch or an overly full ashtray.

“You know that’s bullshit, Daryl, you’re being ridiculous!” She yells, firmly back in their own living room after he’d practically stormed out of Deanna’s. One minute they’re in full swing, standing talking about vacations from the old days with some new faces, the next his hand is dropping from around her waist and thudding from the front door like she’d said, ‘fuck off’ rather than the word ‘Canada’. He’d slammed the door behind them and snarled about how he would have embarrassed her and her fancy fucking vacations in ‘the real world’.

“Lil’ miss travel abroad and see th’ world cause she’s better than Daryl fuckin’ Dixon”

“What? That’s not-“

“I’m jus’ an idiot redneck with nothin’ an’ you’re this smart chick who saw the world, I get it, I ain’t dumb, th’ fuck would ya have wanted wit’ me?”

Her heart would shatter for him if she wasn’t seething quite so much, the sheer desperation in his words at odds with the tension in his body, clenched hands dragging through his finally clean hair. His eyes are stinging and he absolutely refuses to cry, has never gotten over thinking it makes him weak even when he feels weak.

“Daryl, what the fuck? Why are you being such an asshole?“

“Shut up, always yappin’ about stupid shit, fuckin’ hate ya sometimes!”

He turns quickly, wants to throw something, wants to scream, broad shoulders and harsh angles and all the wind leaves his body when he sees her flinch away from him. She’s cowers backwards, he feels like he’s going to be sick, body collapsing in on itself as he feels the anger leave his bones, replaced with ice laced panic. For a second, a horrifying second that feels ten times as long, he’s his old man. Shitfaced and angry with a glass in hand and if he had a mirror, he knows exactly whose face he’d see staring back at him.

“I would never hurt ya” he whispers, voice low and so broken, full of conviction as his breath hitches in the middle and crumbles at the end and she’d hug him if she wasn’t so shell shocked. Neither of them move for a beat, standing stock still as he trails his eyes over her, clocks the way her gaze refuses to lift to meet his. He can’t breathe. The room is too small for everything he’s feeling, like the walls are inching close and closer and the air is getting less. He tries to move like lightning but his whole body feels sluggish and slow as he inches past her and out the front door, flinching as it closes behind him and he wanders out into the street. He stares back at the house for a moment before deciding he needs a walk to clear his head.

When he comes back she’s sitting on the couch waiting for him, thumbs twiddling, head still down and worry eating her alive. He eases the door shut behind him, loud enough to tell her he’s home but soft enough to show he’s not mad. He wishes a door could convey remorse but it’s taken him long enough to be able to do it with words he doubts a block of wood would be able to in the timeframe he needs. He shucks off his boots, realising he shouldn’t have been wearing them in the house in the first place.

The fresh air has cooled his body enough that he feels less of the alcohol circulating around his system. He tries not to squeeze the flowers he’d plucked from the bush outside Aaron’s place as he stands with his back against the wood.

“’M sorry” he whispers before clearing his throat and repeating it at a higher volume. She turns her face towards him, looking at him over her shoulder. The anger is gone from her face, replaced with a dwelling worry that spikes at him, makes him replay his words over and over.

“What did I do?”

“Nothin’” he insists quickly, pauses before he realises he should say more, that she sometimes needs him to say more, they’ve talked about this “Ya didn’t, I promise”

“I’m sorry”

That does it, rips him from his safe haven by the door because he can’t stand the thought that she deserved anything he said to her, that she’d said anything wrong when he knows she hadn’t. Talking at a party, about stupid old-world stuff whilst her spare, wine glass free hand kept his back warm. She hadn’t said a damn thing wrong, and he’d scared her.

He strides over to the couch, coming round to kneel in front of her. He places the somewhat squashed flowers on the couch cushion next to her. He hovers a hand above her knee, placing it gently on the fabric of her dress when she doesn’t flinch away at the sight. He doesn’t want her to flinch ever again.

“Dun’ apologise to me when ya ain’t done nothin’ wrong”

“I’m so-“

“Dun’ ever apologise to me when i’s my fault. ‘S my shit an’ I shouldn’t take it out on ya”

She knows he loves her, has proven it time and time again, has put his body in front of hers in the face of almost certain death, would protect her with his last breath, would love her with it. But she knows she’ll never be able to unhear it, that some things you can’t take back, that she’ll always wonder, just a little bit if its true. Logic and love are very rarely intertwined.

“Okay”

He can still hear his fathers words ringing in his head, he knows, more than most, the power that words hold over people. He tries not to say anything he doesn’t mean, and he’ll admit he’s acerbic, pointed sure but never cruel, never unnecessarily unkind. He doesn’t know why tonight was different, but he takes her hands in his, locking his eyes on her so she understands.

“I dun’ get t’ speak t’ ya like that”

“No, you don’t” she agrees, voice firmer, back to her usual tone, the one he’s always loved going hand in hand with the certainty she can hold her own. She pauses, bringing his hands up to press a kiss to his knuckles, soothing because she’s terrified that after all this time, he’s still going to break them by thinking he’s not allowed to claim his hurt “You alright?”

He doesn’t answer, instead sitting back on his feet, raising a small hopeful smile at her.

“Tell me about th’ vacation”

“I don’t-“

“Please. Ya said ya still think ‘bout Canada all th’ time”

He really does want to know, he hadn’t been outside of Georgia before everything went down, and she’s mentioned travel but Canada hadn’t come up; he’s not sure if it was that, that set him off or that he felt inadequate in a room full of people with experiences he never got to have.

“I think it was my favourite trip. Packed a bag and went alone on a whim, found a lake in the forest with a little cabin. Just mountains and trees and lakes. It’s the most peaceful I’ve ever felt. I never wanted to mention it, I know you missed out on so much, but then everyone was talking and I-“

“Nah, go on, ‘S’alright”

“When Reg asked…I was going to say that’s what I picture, when I think of life outside of all of this, me and you in Canada”

“Ya think of that with me?” his voice is low, incredulous awe pulled tight at the edges, he was so busy feeling less than everyone else that he’d missed out on the fact she was thinking of him. She nods, smiling at him, working it out without him needing to say it, figuring out what drove him to snap without asking, under his walls and right in the centre of the internal world he’s built.

“We’d have a house, out near a lake with a wooden porch, and a dog, big scruffy one who likes to catch fish. We’d have coffee together overlooking the water in the morning. You’d work at the local garage, ‘cause you’re good with your hands and tools, wouldn’t have to deal with people all day, fix up all the bikes you’d secretly want...”

He’s staring her at in silence, watching her wistful face glow in the lamplight, he can barely breathe let alone find words knowing that she’s not just dreamt about a life with him, she’s thought it out in detail. He wants it, wants that life with her so badly it aches, thinks it’s the first time he’s wanted anything from life except to get through it.

“I’d work at the bar, play guitar at crappy open mic nights and you’d come for a beer after my shift to walk me home”

He hums, all the response he can manage, guilt chewing at him from the inside, clawing at his mind knowing that he’s taken his own problems out on her, told her he hates her all the while she’s dreaming of something so utterly fucking perfect.

“We’d make dinner together and dance in the living room, go camping at the weekends and make love all night long”

“In another life?” he chuckles, warm and full, knowing he’ll dream about this for the rest of his life.

“In every life…If you’d find me”

“I’d find ya”

-

He runs her a bubble bath, still amazed and confused that he can, that they’ve spent months on the road starving and struggling and here there’s a pantry that has bubble bath. The flowers from Aarons front garden are perched in a glass of water by the bed, the lamps turned off and the doors are locked up as tight as they can be. He’s insistent that he shows his apology, but he’s never had a way to do it outside these walls, nothing beyond words and affection and his experience with what women might like is limited at best.

He stands in the doorway, watching as she wraps herself in a dressing gown. He wonders idly if the amount of love he feels for her could kill him; he feels it so deeply in his bones that he physically isn’t sure it should be able to fit inside of one person. He feels it explode warmth around his body when she shuffles forward to rest her head on his chest.

“You know you don’t have to do all of this? I’m not mad”

Later, when he’s apologised again, reassured her and comforted her and she’s convinced him he’s worth loving in return, he takes them both to bed. Touches her with soft, repentant hands that have always been gentle, hands that are gentle exactly because he knows how dangerous they can be. Atonement seeping from every inch of him as he inches home inside of her, cherishes the contended sigh she lets out at the feel of him. He could never hate her, not even if he tried.

He stills when he bottoms out, rests his forehead against hers as her hips press against his firmly, dragging him as deep as he can go.

“Wha’ ya see in me, anyway?” he whispers against her lips, full of self-doubt.

She looks into him with an intensity that almost hurts, brings her hands to the sides of his face, makes sure he believes her as sincerely as she believes his apology.

“Everything”

[incorrectbatfam]

How would the batfam react to someone robbing the Manor?

Robber: *enters*

Dick: Oh good, you're here! Do these shorts make my butt look big?

———————

Robber: *taking things*

Jason: What are you doing?

Robber: Robbing you.

Jason: There's a safe in Bruce's office. Passcode is 0816. Feel free to take a crack at it. I'll be in the library if you need me.

———————

Robber: *picking the lock*

*door flies open and hits them*

Tim, on the phone: I'll be there in ten. In the meantime, tell Kon and Bart not to touch anything.

*door slowly swings shut*

Robber, stuck to the door: *slowly peels off*

———————

Robber: *pocketing antiques*

Damian: You must be Alfred's new assistant. I see you're already taking the initiative to get our family heirlooms restored. After that, I need you to do the laundry as I have run out of clean school uniforms.

Robber: Uh, no, kid. I'm robbing you.

Damian: Oh. In that case...

Damian: *stabs them*

———————

Robber: *walks in*

Duke, being kidnapped: Do you mind? We're kind of in the middle of something.

Robber: Sorry, I'll come back later.

———————

Robber: *enters*

Cullen: Hey, I know you're here to rob us, but I've been practicing some magic tricks to impress my boyfriend's family. Can you do me a favor and pick a card?

Robber:

Robber: *picks a card*

———————

Steph: *making a snack while wearing headphones*

Robber: *sneaks up behind her*

Steph: *throws a banana peel over her shoulder*

Robber: *slips on the banana peel*

Robber: *slides across the kitchen*

Robber: *gets tangled in the curtains*

Robber: *falls into a suitcase*

*suitcase shuts*

*suitcase rolls outside into the pool*

Steph: *takes off her headphones and turns around*

Steph: Did someone say something?

———————

Robber: *climbs in through the window*

Cass: Hi.

Robber: Hi.

Cass: You're a robber.

Robber: Yes.

Cass:

Cass: *pushes them out the window*

———————

Robber: *comes in*

Barbara: *looks up from her computer*

Robber: *slowly backs out*

Barbara: That's what I thought.

———————

Robber: Give me the TV!

Harper: Sure, just hold this for me please.

Harper: *hands him a grenade*

Harper: *pulls the pin*

Harper: *walks away*

———————

Robber: *unlocks the door*

Carrie: You must be our new bouncy house guy.

Robber: No, I'm robbing you.

Robber: Wait, you have a bouncy house guy?

———————

Robber: *enters*

Kate, with a clipboard: Name?

Robber: My name's Rob, I'm here to rob you.

Kate: Sorry, I don't have you on our list.

———————

Robber: *saws a hole in the wall*

Helena: What are you doing?

Robber: Robbing you.

Helena: You know the door's unlocked, right? I swear, it's like people don't even try nowadays.

———————

Robber: *unplugging the XBox*

Luke: Best Buy is just down the road.

Robber: ...You're Luke Fox.

Luke: Yes I am.

Robber: Champion MMA fighter Luke Fox.

Luke, rolling up his sleeves: Always nice to meet a fan.

———————

Robber: *ransacking the place*

Bette: Who hurt you?

Robber: What?

Bette: This isn't a healthy coping mechanism. Talk to me. I'm here for you.

Robber, breaking down: It all started when I was little...

———————

Robber: *sneaks in*

Alfred: Not on my watch.

Alfred: *drags them out by the ear*

Robber: Ow, ow, ow.

———————

Robber: *smashes the window*

Selina: Pfft, amateur. Let me show you how it's done.

———————

Robber: *steals the computer*

Bruce: *reading the newspaper*

Robber: *takes valuable jewelry*

Bruce: *still reading*

Robber: *lightly bumps into one of the batkids*

Robber: *turns around*

Bruce: *suddenly appears with the bat-glare*

Robber: I'm just gonna—

Robber: *gets instantly knocked out*

[mcflymemes]

PROMPTS FOR WORKAHOLIC CHARACTERS WHO PUSH THEMSELVES TOO HARD *  assorted dialogue, adjust as necessary

there's still a lot of work to be done.

i'm not finished with it yet.

i can't give up just yet.

there's nothing noble about working yourself to death.

you think i can't handle this myself?

there's not enough hours in the day.

i realize you think you have to do this.

working like this helps me think.

i'll sleep when i'm dead.

your work ethic scares me sometimes.

i don't need your help.

do you ever sleep?

they need me.

no matter how hard you work, it won't bring them back.

do you realize how crazy that sounds?

i'm not stopping until this is done.

you need to slow down.

i feel like i'm wasting my life.

have you ever taken a vacation?

i can handle this on my own.

i'm nothing without my work.

you're going to get sick if you keep going like this.

you've proven your point.

you're going to work yourself to death.

there are worse ways to spend a life.

you can't keep going at this pace.

i don't have time to rest.

it needs to be done.

do you have any healthy coping mechanisms, by any chance?

there's no time to waste.

i think it's time for you to take a break.

everything was going great until you stopped me.

i can't sleep yet. not until this is done.

i'm the only one who can do this.

at least let me help you.

if i just focus on my work, i don't have to think about anything else.

i'm not asking you to take a break, i'm telling you.

did you really have to interrupt like that?

i'm not budging.

it's my life's work.

you're not going to convince me otherwise.

when was the last time you slept?

i'll help you finish the job if you promise to get some rest.

you're practically falling asleep standing up.

you can finish this in the morning.

let me get you to bed.

don't you get it? it's over!

working yourself to death isn't going to fix anything.

if i don't do it, no one else will.

i wish you would take some time to rest.

i'm not taking a break, if that's what you're asking.

you just broke my concentration, thank you very much.

i'm not going to bed.

i don't know how to quit.

they're counting on me.

too many people rely on me.

i can't disappoint them.

you need a vacation.

i wish you would just listen to me and slow down.

your eye bags have eye bags.

all right, that's it. i'm putting my foot down.

no more excuses.

what do you get out of this? this overworking thing?

without my work... i'm nothing.

no one else is going to step in.

i don't care about me. i care about them.

we have unfinished business.

if i stop now, it'll be like giving up.

i'm a perfectionist. it's in my nature.

better to pour myself into my work than something else.

i wish you would go easy on yourself.

this is very unhealthy.

[ninii-winchester]

You’d never know (Part 1)

Pairing : Dean Winchester X Reader

Word count : 1.3k

Warnings : angst, hurt/no comfort, spoilers s13, Dean is an asshole.

I DO NOT GIVE PERMISSION TO COPY MY WORK, TRANSLATE IT OR POST IT TO ANY OTHER PLATFORM. REBLOGS ARE APPRECIATED.

The sun dipped below the horizon, the world slowly enveloping in darkness. The same could be said for Y/n's mind. Dark clouds of hurt and loneliness lingering in the air, encasing her in an impenetrable bubble of insecurities. It was hard time, stating that is an understatement. It was a dire situation. She thought back to how she got here.

When Jack was born, his mother died giving birth to him. Lucifer arrived at cabin to take Jack away. He killed Castiel. Mary fought Lucifer pushing him inside the rift to the alternate universe, but before the rift could close Lucifer pulled her in with him.

Y/n, Sam and Dean watched in terror as Mary fell through and the rift closed. While Sam panicked, Dean was horrified. He couldn't lose his mom, not again. Y/n let out a gasp, her mouth dropped open as the dread settled in. She knew Dean would lose it, he's not gonna sit back knowing his mom is stuck in the apocalypse world with the Devil himself.

After burning Cas and Kelly's bodies, the trio took Jack back to the bunker. The air was tense, Dean wasn't happy with the decision. He didn't trust Jack, he didn't want him anywhere near him, his brother or his girlfriend. It was because of the Nephilim that he lost his mother.

Y/n was worried, Dean had closed off, he was distant. Most of all, he was angry. All the time. He constantly snapped at Sam, brushed her off any given moment. He wouldn't even look at Jack. The kid was trying to make good in Dean's eyes but he just shurgged him off.

Dean started to unwind a bit after the shifter case, and even more when Jack brought Cas back. Y/n was relieved that Dean was coming back to his normal self. After Jack accidentally killed the security guard, he decided to leave. Until he could control his powers, he wouldn't come back. Y/n was worried about the kid leaving on his own but she had faith in him.

"Hey!" Dean said bringing Y/n out of her thoughts. "You seem lost."

"Just thinking." She shrugged closing the book in front of her and putting it back in its place on the shelf. "You need something?" She asked tersely. She wasn't trying to be mean, but lately she didn't feel like he wanted her. After he brushed her off so many times, she didn't bother him.

Dean could hear the formality in her voice, and he knew he deserved it. He had been too preoccupied with his concerns to realise he'd been not only neglecting her but hurting her in the process, when all she wanted to do was help. "Just wanted to say I'm sorry." He gauged her expressions to see how bad he had fucked up.

Instead of speaking, she gave him a look. He couldn't quite read what was it supposed to mean. He chewed on his lower lip, leaning back against the table. With a loud sigh he moved towards her. Laying his hands gently on her waist.

"Dean." She reprimanded. She knew what he was apologising for, but she didn't need his apology. She wanted him to talk to her. She's told him a thousand times that she wants him to communicate. She knows it's hard for him but she needs him to express himself, she needs him to have healthy coping mechanisms. She doesn't want him to shut her out or resorting to alcohol.

"I know, I know." He rested his forehead on her shoulder. "I shouldn't have pushed you away. It wasn't fair to you. I'm sorry. I'll do better next time."

"I just need you to communicate with me, Dean. We're in this together. For better or worse. Next time, don't shut me out. We'll get through this. We always do." Dean nodded, his green eyes looking at her.

"Yeah." He placed a kiss on her head. "I promise."

When Jody called on a supposed lead on Jack, the trio went to find him. When they finally found Jack, he was with a girl, who ran away as soon as she saw the trio. Jack confessed that he was trying to help bring Mary back.

"That girl is a powerful dream-walker, her name is Kaia. She can help us." Jack said.

"You thought good kid. We'll find Kaia and bring Mary back." Y/n said patting Jack on the back.

When they finally found Kaia, she refused to help. She said that it was scary, and that she cannot get them anywhere other than The Bad Place, Dean's patience was running thin, he was growing frustrated, his mind was going off the rails knowing the key to getting his mother back is right in front of him but refusing to help. Sam tried to ask Kaia politely but then Dean pulled his gun from his jacket and undid the safety.

"Get in the car." He said calmly. He was anything but calm.

"Dean." Y/n and Sam warned. He pointed his gun at the young girl and Y/n moved in front of him. "Dean, this is not the way to convince her. You're not thinking straight."

"It's my Mom, Y/n." He growled.

"I know Dean I understand but-"

"No you don't!" He exclaimed. "You'd never know how I feel Y/n. You've never had a mom." Dean yelled and the atmosphere fell completely silent. The only sound audile was the woosh of air. Y/n let out a gasp taking a step back. "You wanted me to communicate huh? So listen to me and listen to me good. You don’t know how I feel, I need my mom back and" he pointed his gun at Kaia "she's gonna come with us either way. And you're gonna move out of the way."

"Dean." Sam exclaimed his eyes widened. He wasn't sure what possessed Dean to say all that but he went too far this time.

It was true that Y/n never knew her mom, she was barely two months old when her parents gave her up. It wasn't until she was thirteen she found out that her parents didn't want her since they were too young to be parents. She had told Dean about her longing for her parents but she never thought he'd use it against her.

Without a word she moved aside, unblocking his path to the dream walker. He motioned the girl with his gun to move and she got into the car, Jack followed. With his jaw clenched, Dean got into the drivers seat and slammed the door.

"Y/n." Sam started, "I'm so sorry. Dean he's..."

"Go Sam." Was all she said.

Sam approached her with hesitant steps, he hugged her tightly. "I'm really sorry." He whispered. Dean watched the two in the rear veiw mirror, the anger flushing away and guilt settling in. He knew he regretted those words the moment he said it but he was far too gone in the moment to realise. He turned his head to the front as he heard Sam slide into the  passenger's seat. The air was thick with tension as they drove off to South Dakota.

Y/n wouldn't lie, sometimes she thought that Dean didn't need her as much as she needed him, she often thought he might leave her but never in a million years did she think it'd be this way. She never expected him to hit where it hurts the most. In that moment, each and every feeling resurfaced. The feelings she tried so hard to suppress, the feelings of being unwanted, of not being enough.

She can't ever forgive him and won't ever forgive Dean Winchester.

Tags:

@spnfamily-j2 @galway-girlatwork @deangirl96 @queensilber

@s0urw00lf @monkey-d-hoshizora98 @deans-baby-momma @fullbelieverheart

@riah1606 @xx-spooky-little-vampire-xx @hobby27

@starkleila @suckitands33

[trikruismybitch]

Moving On By Letting Go

inspired by clip i saw from the show "scenes from a marriage" and the song "August" by Taylor Swift.

It's raining out just a light drizzle but enough to make the air cold. But here you are bundled up with an umbrella when you walk up to her.

"Hey Nat i know its been awhile but i really need to get this off my chest." You take a steading breathe making sure to collect your thoughts before starting.

"I've met someone else, and it was hard moving on because i always end up coming back to you but this time it's real. Not some fucked up coping mechanism to get over you or forget about you, or to push everything away. She helps me and makes me confront my shit in a healthy way." You wipe your nose. You can't tell if it's from you crying or the cold, probably both.

"So, it's just different" you shrug "An entirely different kind of love" than the one we had you think "I remember, someone saying, that it was like a piece of tape that you rip off and try to reapply. It'll stick again maybe but it won't be like the first time."

And maybe thats for the better. With you and Nat there was always hope for maybes and eventualities. Nothing about your future together was ever written in stone, hope for a future where you both were more than just hero's who loved each other.

But Natasha was stuck in that life no matter how hard you tried to lull her to peace, she was stuck on cleaning the red in her ledger, which is why you guys are stuck the way you are now.

"You have to know I'll never love anybody the way that i loved you" Your voice cracks but you continue "It's a fact. With you, breaking up was never on the table. It would never even have occurred to me." You laugh lightly as if the thought of it was funny. "I just never thought you'd be the one to leave me." Your body racks with sobs. You drop the umbrella to reach out to her with both hands, but she's cold. Why? You always remember her being so warm, yet here she is all thats left of her, a headstone with her name on it and the memories of everyone left who loved her.

[kseung]

Wednesday x Reader

Not Yet

Requested

Warnings: Blood, self-harm, suicide ideation, descriptive suicide scenes.

Proceed with caution.

Words: 2,530~

Before y'all read it; if you feel down or blue, please talk to someone or find a healthy coping mechanism. I volunteer to be someone's virtual reader, in case someone wants it or needs it.

Life is difficult. That's common knowledge. Still, you didn't imagine that yours would last so little. It all was so fast yet so slow.

Despite being an outcast, creature, non-human, and weird school, Nevermore wasn't quite big on gore. Which you thought you'd change. Not everyone has seen a suicide scene. Certainly less that of a friend of theirs.

"Guess I'll do it today," you thought. It gave you peace. It really did. You had no more reason to feel dread or tiredness since everything would end soon. But of course, you needed to make sure you'd actually do it. You can never plan too much.

Wednesday noticed that you were in a better mood, as did Enid, Ajax, and Xavier... everyone knew you were happy. Which was weird because you were usually gloomy and serious. But they didn't mind. They didn't know your thoughts. They believed you were happier that day. In reality, you were just grateful to have your end so near.

You didn't let Wednesday touch you at all. She thought it was odd since you were usually the one craving for physical contact. Despite that, she accepted it. She didn't like affection too much herself, so it did not offend her. You just didn't want her to have a vision.

Miss Thornhill dismissed the class. You, like many others, gathered your stuff, packed it, and left. You went to your room, taking out the box where you kept all your letters. Letters you made for everyone. It was a little detail you wanted them to have, just in case they wanted to remember you. They were completely free to trash it.

You took them all, placing them in a little bag you had. You changed clothes, too. If you were going to die, it wouldn't be in this sickly blue uniform. You got some black jeans and a white shirt.

You had an eye for harm, much like Wednesday herself. Though yours was mainly a really bad coping mechanism. You wanted your death to be impressionable. And blood shows better on a white shirt.

Much like Enid and Thing, even, you had style. You were going to be found looking good despite death. Fuck death and life.

You threw the bag over your shoulder, across your chest. It was chilly, and you wanted to feel it. Feel something. Anything. Even pain was better than nothing.

You took one last look at your ordered room before closing the door, for the last time.

•••••

You decided that the next thing you'd do was visit the library. You went there sometimes when things were bad. It gave you comfort for a final time, as well as nostalgia. You hoped the books wouldn't miss you too much.

It was empty this time, not even a couple having extreme displays of affection on the back. You turned around, bidding a mental goodbye. If you took too long you wouldn't get to the place in the forest by sunset.

You reached into your bag, taking out a bottle of painkillers. You took enough to make you drowsy, but not to kill you, yet. You just wanted your blood to thin, and anything else needed a prescription.

Sunsets were early, especially during winter. By 16:00, there'd be no more light. It was barely 3, and snow covered the way. You needed to be quick.

You arrived at Xavier's. You knew he'd be in fencing, probably, or painting. You took your chance and slid the letter under the door.

Enid, Yoko, and Ajax, they all received one. You even wrote one for Thing. Your hand was complaining, but you cared not.

You entered Wednesday's room, seeing no one. You expected that. They were busy women. You left Enid's at her bed. Wednesday's and Thing's were on her bed.

You gave their room one final look, taking some time to let your mind be filled with good, past memories. You couldn't help but fill your senses with her side of the room. You hoped Wednesday wouldn't miss you too much. She wouldn't, probably.

You walked to the balcony, stepping through the glass window. One final look at the quad, and you'd be off to the forest. It made you smile now, instead of a scowl. Life always goes on. It was especially demonstrated by the quarrel excited teenagers make when with friends. You wouldn't be too missed.

You returned inside. You had wasted too much time already. It was still empty, so you took your chance. Having someone find you right now won't be nice.

You ran until you reached the forest. Then, with the last minutes of sunlight, you directed yourself to the clearing a little far off. It was peaceful, really peaceful.

Now, you had to choose what to do. Quickly. Blood was always the prettiest way.

You started by cutting yourself on the forearm, vertically. It hurt, but not as much as you had expected. It felt good. You knew it'd last a while.

Your shirt was already blooded a little, just like the snow beneath you. All crimson. Your other arm made it redder. It was pretty. Hm. You wouldn't know what Wednesday would think of this. Would she see it as a feeble attempt to scream for attention? Would she like to see the ostentatious scene of a suicide in the woods? Would she care?

You wouldn't know.

You took the rest of the pills. If one thing doesn't kill you, the other one certainly would. It made you smile to be so peaceful. You sat on the ground, despite the cold, taking in the picturesque scene of the sun kissing the moon goodbye. Much like you and Wednesday, it was time for the night to come.

You closed your eyes when you felt dizzy, deciding that lying on the snow wouldn't hurt you. Or save you. You wanted the peace you were finally taking for yourself.

•••••

Wednesday felt uneasy. It was strange. She wanted to brush it off, except she didn't. She's not the feeler type, so whenever she felt something so strong she knew she had to act on it. She learned that from you.

She walked quickly through the quad and the halls, searching for you. She did not see you. Intending to find you, she walked even faster. But you weren't there, at yours. Must be at hers.

She opened the door before her, not bothering to fully close it. Expecting to find you on her bed, she looked to her right. However, you weren't there. Despite your absence, she noticed the presence of two differently colored letters on her desk.

"For Wednesday", one said. The other one was addressed to Thing. Said appendage climbed up Wednesday's arm, resting on her shoulder as they looked at the letters.

—Let's not wait.

She took hers, and let Thing be.

"Howdy, Wednesday,

How are you? I hope you're doing well. I trust that you will be able to find who the Hyde is. Yeah, I sneaked around a bit. But don't worry. I won't burden you.

Don't try to find me. But who am I to tell you what to do, anyway? You always do what you want. That's also one of the reasons why I liked you so much. It's odd, right? Hopefully, you'll get used to past tenses.

I love you, a lot. I hope you know that I'll never truly be gone unless you want me to. I have no problems with that either. Burn this letter, if so you will. No flames will stop me from loving you, but yours.

For being so hateful of affection, you're the clingy type, Wednesday. But in a terribly endearing way. Feel free to take all the coats and jackets you want. I know you have interesting likes, so, if you want, keep my bones too, or whatever. I'm tryna be nice.

Don't miss me too much. (Yes, I'm flattering myself that much.)

Eres mi luna.

–Tu sol"

She had only felt this much sadness once before, and she didn't like it. Not again. It made her panic inside. She knew you weren't always at your best, but she didn't imagine she'd have to bid goodbye so soon. She was not willing to take it.

She tried to think like you. Where would you go? What place would you select for your demise? She was desperate, and she hated that feeling.

She turned around, intending to head out of her room. "Has to be the forest", she thought. She slammed the door behind her. Damn. This was, probably, the only time when she wanted to have a vision. She didn't expect this to be the reason for her first-ever wish of a premonition.

Maybe Enid's nose could be of help. She ran to the quad, where she knew Enid would be. Wednesday took Enid by the hand, uncaring of whatever the werewolf was doing. She was about to complain, but the expression on the shorter girl's face was too indecipherable. She looked worried, angry, sad, and murderous at the same time. Quite the emotional mix for her.

—Find them, now! Please.

Enid wanted to tease, but she knew better than to do that. It was good that you spent that much time in their room. Now, Enid could just tell where you were, since she remembers your smell.

—Follow me.

And they were quick. Enid was surprised that you had gone out that far. But she understood why quickly. The smell was quite strong, but it was nothing compared to the red mess she saw before her. Wednesday was already expecting it, as bad as it sounded.

She kneeled by your side, checking your heart rate. With how cold you were, she was surprised you were still the littlest bit alive. She sighed in relief as her eyes watered.

—We can't wait any longer—, her voice was shaky. She gulped, forcing herself to be composed. —I can't carry her. Can you? Please.

Enid did not have to be told twice. Wednesday took off her coat, draping you in it before Enid took you in her arms. She didn't like to hear Wednesday pleading. It wasn't her.

They reached the school more rapidly than they reached you. She hoped she wasn't too late. The nurse was surprised when they arrived with you so suddenly. Still, work needed to be done.

Wednesday sat aside, watching everything happen in front of her. She wanted to scream off her voice until she'd be as silent as you. She took a moment to calm herself, deciding that the best thing she could do was patch your arm while the nurse did the other arm. Silently, they worked faster.

Of course, Wednesday had called for an ambulance to get you to the hospital. Now you just needed to wait. Time had never been such an unpleasurable torture before.

•••••

Everyone was shocked. It was not what they were expecting. But knowing you, they were sure you did not want pity. They were patiently waiting for your return.

Except Wednesday, regarding the "patiently" part. She was counting every second, exactly. All of her free time was spent with you. Sometimes, when she was left alone with you, she'd talk to you. It was better than any therapy Jericho could offer.

She was glad you weren't lucky enough to get away with your plans. The dosage was too little, and, despite deep, the cuts weren't enough to end you. Maybe the cold would've been the one to take you out. She looked at you once more, feeling glad that she was able to find you before it was too late.

Enid watched through the glass window, sighing. Ajax nodded and they stood there, in the hall just outside of your room. They hugged for a while before entering the room.

As expected, Wednesday was there.

—Hey. We brought some food, and a quad—, Enid said. Ajax nodded and held up the drink and bag. Wednesday pointed to the little table on the back side of the room.

—Thanks.

They just smiled in return.

—Just know that we're here whenever you want to not talk.

Wednesday looked at you, but eventually agreed. She knew she could, possibly, count on them. She closed her notebook, leaving it on top of the chair she was using before eating the food they'd given her.

She had been so preoccupied that her appetite had eluded her. It was taking a toll on her now. She had to take better care of herself if she wanted to take care of you later.

After a while of mainly them talking, and Wednesday listening, Enid and Ajax returned to Nevermore. She was alone with you, again. She liked her moments with you. She smiled and took the chair right next to you.

She decided that perchance it would be okay if she slept there, taking your hand in hers. So she did. She took your hand in hers and crossed her arms for (mostly un)comfortable sleep to overcome her.

•••••

Hours later, Wednesday woke up to some strange sensations. It was none other than you, caressing her hand. She almost cried.

She looked at you, watery eyes and quivering lip included. You had so little energy your only expression was that of guilt. She wanted to scream at you for being so stupid, but she contained herself. This was neither the place nor the moment.

—I'm sorry, Wednesday—, was the first thing you said. It made her furrow her brows.

—As you should be—. Her words were rough, but you knew that was just how she was. She was a prickly rose, however painful, yet still, a rose. —I'm just glad you're alive.

—Death does not suit me alone—. You wanted to cry. You let your tears fall, yet maintained eye contact. Tears meant so little now. —Thank you for being here, Wednesday. I know it was difficult for you. I'm sorry for burdening you once more. I-

—Shut up—, she said in a weak voice. It was almost a whisper. Her hand gripped yours tighter, but still gently enough. —Never do this again, or I'll...—, she paused. Torturing you would be your pleasure, so that was not an option. —I'll make you record those goddamn TikToks Enid never shuts up about—. It was a threat that came out of love, so you nodded, smiling.

—I see Enid is still the same Enid. Just like you're still my moon.

You shook off her hand, only to caress her cheek softly. She did not push you away. It made you wonder just how much you had hurt her.

—My sun.

The looks she gave you were equal to all the kisses you could ask. It was one step further in the healing of your soul. You smiled again.

—Can I hug you?—, you asked. —I want you to hug me, but if not, then maybe just let me do it?

She responded by wrapping her arms around your waist. It nearly made you cry again. The moon could, sometimes, be as warm as the sun, just like the sun could be as obscure as the moon.

🫂 hug if you need it

[miss-oranje-disco-dancer]

i say this all in the nicest way possible, but act your age, not your shoe size.

first off, don't like, don't read. It should be that simple, but for all y'all who can't get that, i'll explain: there is a feature on tumblr where you can block tags AND CONTENT, so if there is a topic that you don't like seeing/a trigger for you, you can not only block the tag, but also block the content. i'm severely emetophobic, so i have content related to that blocked (don't wanna say the word, it's legit a trigger for me). it works wonderfully. if you do not want to see fics about dark content, there are terms you can filter. the internet is a place where people can post what they want, and you need to understand that it will not cater to you all the time. You can curate your own feed so that you can cater to your own needs, but everyone else is not required to change their content to suit your fancy.

in regards to leon and RE specifically, i hate being the "you have to know the lore to read/write" person but (and btw watching playthroughs counts if you cannot afford the games bc things are expensive, and i get that) if you have not made an effort to play or watch anything from the series, i don't know why you feel like you have any knowledge of 1. resident evil and 2. leon kennedy. he is not your "pookie bear", "lil innocent sweet cutie" (you can write him like that and I am not going to stop you! it's okay to write OOC). he goes through traumatic events in this horror series and is a suicidal alcoholic. he would probably not be a perfect father who brings home flowers everyday after work. ALSO HE IS NOT REAL. HE IS FICTIONAL AND HE DOES NOT HAVE REAL BEHAVIORS AND FEELINGS. "he would never do that". yeah, he wouldn't because HE DOESN'T FUCKING EXIST. it applies to all "versions of leon" that you wanna make up in your head. it's fictional. we're all talking about fake people. get a grip.

most of us on this site are adults. if you are an adult, you can consume and produce dark fics. if you don't want to, then you don't have to. here's a parallel: i really like the book american psycho and they sell it at barnes and noble where you or i could buy a copy, but neither i, nor the barnes and noble employee will force you to read it. it's the same thing here.

if you are a minor and you are old enough to get onto the computer/your phone and type "leon kennedy x reader" then I hope you are old enough to comprehend the words "minors do not interact". in fact, you can block the "leon kennedy smut" tag because those works involve sex and are therefore 18+! I do understand, however, that not everyone will heed the warnings, regardless, i am not responsible for putting up the metaphorical baby gate, as I am not anyone's parent.

more about dark content in general: some people write it because it's therapeutic - to those of you who say "it's not a healthy coping mechanism", show me your degree in psychotherapy and then, we'll talk. others enjoy writing or consuming dark content because it's interesting. personally, i don't write dark content, but i do consume it because i find it interesting. i have never found pure fluff interesting. when i was a child, i did not enjoy disney movies. i loved ghost stories, i remember begging my parents to let me watch the corpse bride when i was 5, i used to go on r/nosleep when i was a kid, my friend and i would get her older sister to take us to the movie theater to watch horror movies when we were too young to go by ourselves. all that is to say: i find certain shit boring.

producing and consuming dark content does not mean that you are endorsing that content. capcom makes horror content. do they endorse murder, rape, incest, etc.? i highly fucking doubt it. (yes, all of those things happen or are directly implied in the resident evil franchise). capcom makes the good guys the protagonists and i think that's why it's hopefully pretty easy to understand their intentions. sometimes, people write things where the bad guys are the protagonists :0 - that doesn't mean that they are endorsing the bad actions of the characters. bret easton ellis was not supporting murder, rape, cannibalism, necrophilia, etc. when he wrote american psycho (it's a social commentary about the vapid nature of consumerism and wall street in the '80s and it's a really good book.) vladimir nabakov was not endorsing pedophilia when he wrote lolita - humbert humbert is the villain. if you can't comprehend this, then i don't know what to tell you.

here's another great example to help you: i might reblog content that includes father/daughter incest, but that does not mean that i would do that stuff with my own father. FIRST OF ALL EW, and SECOND OF ALL I AM A FUCKING LESBIAN. I WOULD NEVER HAVE SEX WITH A MAN. EVER AGAIN.

learn critical media consumption and critical thinking in general.

also, if you are telling people 'you're not a real sa victim because you write/like dark content' or 'you're doing harm to victims', YOU ARE THE PROBLEM. most people that i know who have gone through sa (including myself) have struggled to accept that what someone else did was not their fault. it's a huge step in the path to overcoming/coping with trauma to recognize your experience and know that your experience was valid. if you try to invalidate people's trauma, you are actively pushing back their recovery process (for lack of a better phrase), so don't act like you give a fuck about victims! there are conversations that we can and should have surrounding SA, but that's not the conversation you're looking to engage in. i can almost guarantee that none of you are saying that in good faith. you are using SA victims as a reason to police content and i am telling you - as an SA victim - stop it. i understand that some of you may also be victims and i'm sorry that those things happened to you, you did not deserve it (no matter what side of this issue you are on, it's an awful thing and i don't wish it on anyone). if you have not experienced it (I hope you never do), please stop saying things like "this is harmful to SA victims" because it's not your place to speak on that at all.

also, i know some people have been getting rape threats, death threats, etc. YOU CANNOT ACT LIKE YOU HOLD THE MORAL HIGH GROUND AND THEN DO SHIT LIKE THIS. aside from the "moral high ground", you should never be sending that shit to anyone. knock it off. that's harassment.

in line with that, write things that you'd want to read. if you want to read fluff or "wholesome" smut, then write it, and encourage/interact with writers who write that content. for those who are looking for attention, maybe try making content. write what you want. bringing up drama is 1. going to bring hate your way too 2. not a sustainable way to garner attention 3. hopefully not fulfilling for anyone? do something creative. have fun. stop being negative and shitty just to have some weird puritanical circle jerk.

i didn't want to talk about this because I know that half of the people who are bringing this shit up just want attention but jesus christ i'm done hearing people invalidate, name call, harass. just shut up and grow up. i'm tired of reading your dumbass posts. thank you.

tl;dr:

you cannot control what people post on the internet, but you can control what you produce/consume

people creating dark content do not endorse illegal activities

stop weaponizing SA victims (especially when victims tell you to stop) to justify your puritanical content policing

if you are seeking attention, this is a pathetic way to do so

if you want to see fluff, write it and encourage fluff writers to write more

stop harassing others. period.

the world does not revolve around you

<3 i mean this all in the kindest way. i'm just annoyed and hopefully you can understand my reasoning. i don't endorse hate to anyone on any side of this. this shit just makes me want to leave the internet tbh. or like, write for a different fandom idk.

[dadzawa-abc]

Hii, I really hope I'm not bothering you with asking this. But I've gotten to see quite a bit of post about age-regression? Is that how I'm supposed to type it?? Sorry if I typed that wrong, especially if that made you uncomfortable. English is not my first language. Anyway, I was wondering, I guess, what age-regression is? Cause like I said, I saw I lot of it, both recently and in the past. But I've also gotten told in the past, well, not any good things about the people who age-regress? I'm not saying I agree with those things I got told. Those weren't any nice things, so yeah. However, if others aren't hurting me, themselves, or other people, then I usually leave most people alone. But in short, I'm curious and want to know more? Cause, well good sources are good. If that's okay? If not, you can just delete and forget about this. Sorry if I made you uncomfortable. Have a good day or night!

☁️ what is age regression? ☁️

(long post); a TLDR at the bottom

Hey anon! Thank you so much for stopping by to ask your question. I'll be answering it for you today -🧸 Hawks.

first of all, I'd like to say that yes, you did type it right! English isn't our first language either, so we understand! People also may spell "age regression" as "agere" which is just a shorter version of it. So when someone spells it that way, they're the same thing./information

-Now, what is age regression? What's it used for? :

age regression is, in short, a coping mechanism where people may mentally regress to a younger age than themselves physically. Example, let's say person A is an age regressor. They are 20 years old. But regress to a much younger age. Like 3-6 years old. Age regression is very different with every person who does it, so that doesn't mean a single person has to regress the same age. Someone could regress to be a newborn, another can regress to be a middle (which is around 10-teenager age) if I'm not wrong. Anyone can regress to any age, depending the person. Age regression is a healthy way to cope. Age regression is a professional therapist recommended coping mechanism, and it does not hurt the user who does it, or anyone around them. Age regression can also be for fun. Some, if not, majority regressors do regress due to trauma. To restore their childhood that they never had. Or to relive a childhood they wish they had. Whiles others who may do it for fun, doesn't have to use their regression as a coping mechanism. Hey can age regression because hey, it's fun to do! And so it's isn't something that you can only do if you have trauma. Everyone can do it. Trauma related or not

- is age regression harmful/bad?

⚠️ Tw/CW: ageplay talk ⚠️

Not at all! People whom may tell you that "regression is bad because ___!" Is usually the ones who don't do research. Age regression is a safe-for-work coping mechanism. Which means it's never sexual, or a kink. Alot of people who aren't in the community will assume age regression is just a kink thing, and that is untrue! Many people will get "ageplay/ddlg" mixed with age regression. While age regression is never inappropriate, and is appropriate for all ages to do, ageplay is a kink to.. hopefully just something adults do. Ageplay, is a BDSM kink where someone will pretend to be a younger child while their partner, whom they'd usually call: daddy/mommy/whatever title, they will do inappropriate things with them.

Meanwhile, age regression is a lot different. Like I said, agere is a safe for work coping mechanism. And NO little, (which is whom we call someone who age regresses) will pretend to be a child for sexual reasons. When someone age regresses, they mentally revert back to a much younger age and sometimes can't even do things they'd normally do when big (which is what we call them when they aren't in a regressed state anymore). They physically (mentally physically,) regress to an age of a child. And the difference between that and ageplay, someone who participates in ageplay will never mentally regress to a younger age. They pretend to be, for sexual desires and kinks. They do it on purpose for sexual pleasure, while people who age regress can't consent at all when they're little. Since they actually do regress mentally to mostly 10 and under. (But even if they regressed around being in their teens), they still can't consent.

-some popular titles (that you may want to know)

What is a caregiver?: A caregiver, is someone who will take care of the little when they're regressed. A caregiver can take on a father role, mother role, sister, brother, etc. (Solely depending how the little sees them/and how the cg would like to be called)

What is a little?: A little is someone who age regresses

What is a flip?: A flip, is someone who regresses, AND is a caregiver.

what is a pet?: While I'm not saying pets are the same as age regression, it does exist. An age regressor may regress, but may also be a pet regressor (or) someone isn't a little but be a pet regressor instead. pet regressors has very similar concept with age regression. While age regressors regress to a younger age mentally, pet regressors will regress to an animal. (Ex; cat, dog, bird, deer, dragon, fawn, list goes on) and just like age regression, is SFW

TLDR; Age regression is a SFW coping mechanism that is therapist recommended and is not at all harmful to them, or others. Age regression can also be used for fun and doesn't have to be trauma based to regress. All ages, genders, sexualities, races can regress. Age regress is for everyone and isn't something only feminine, petite or hot pink lovers can enjoy. Everyone can regress no matter what anyone says about it.

I don't know alot of resources to direct you to, but I wouldn't really recommend google either. Google is a "trust me bro" and "he said she said" deal. It'll tell you false things and it'll mix age regression with something completely different. But I find # agere resources tag a very helpful place to scroll in. So I'd recommend checking there if anything answers anymore questions you have. Hope this answers your question, anon. Feedback is amazing so if you have any more questions or anything, let me know

[that-one-odd-shipper]

🍉 . Fic Post . 🍉

This is a previously written fic! Right now I'm promoting my old fics just to let y'all know they exist.

🪭- A little Dazai fic! This is my first bsd agere fic I put out there, and I am pretty proud of it 🥺

🍄- This fic is inspired by the lovely Playrough's agency little fic! In which Dazai has a nap time set up for him by the agency since he tends to get cranky and fussy without sleep, but a meeting ends up making him miss it for the day. What Dazai didn't expect is how used to the naps his body had gotten.

🥀- Dazai is really small in all of my upcoming fics and this one, not even one year when he's regressed. Kunikida and Chuuya are co-caregivers to Dazai and it is mentioned how Dazai doesn't particularly like the concept of being little. This fic is pure fluff, a tiny bit of stress comes from the baby but not enough to be considered angst. It's a nice story to fall asleep to :)

❤- Now, I'll attach the first few paragraphs bellow for you to get a feel of the fic. Link to my ao3 and the fic itself will be at the end! Please enjoy, comment and like!

Ever since Kunikida and the Agency have found out about Dazai's regression, they've been pushing nap times. Something about him getting "Cranky, tired, and less productive" after a certain time in the day

Dazai kicked his legs under the table, trying to stay focused. There had been an important joint Mafia and Agency meeting today, which just so happened to fall at an inconvenient time.

...Stupid, he knows. Besides, Dazai is never productive so what difference would it make?!

These naps normally happen late at lunch. It's not like he could just slip out of the Agency to go home early, either! To ensure he got this nap in every day the Agency and the stupid slug, decided to pair up for this.

If he tried to escape and head home, Chuuya's stupid camera door sensor would catch it. Of course that was set up for him...the slug can't mind his business! He didn't even do anything before it was set up, the executive just assumed he would try! Rude...

And so, the little one had to accept that he would be caught either way. It was either walking around in the stuffy outdoors for the rest of the day every single day or taking a nap. His pride said the first option, but it's obvious what the best choice was.

'But Dazai, you're a genius! Why didn't you just deactivate the system or use another entrance?' Well, it's pretty hard to think clearly enough to sneakily turn off a system when you're admittedly very fuzzy and droopy.

From working so hard of course. Nothing else, totally.

He doesn't need an assigned nap! Not to mention, a person to watch over him. He knows when he needs to take a break... Totally. This is why in the first place he didn't want the agency to figure it out, but that all went down the drain...

Have they been nothing but accepting of him? Yes, that's the issue! They shouldn't be condoning this behavior, let alone enforcing it! Dazai doesn't deserve to act like a literal baby, "A healthy coping mechanism" be damned. He doesn't need one of those either.

Protesting that mindset to them only made it worse, however. That doesn't mean he wouldn't still attempt to be bratty and refuse, but it gets hard when all you feel is comfort and security in a Member's (or Chu's) arms.

How these naps played out was always the same. He would get fed a bottle of warm milk about 30 minutes before his nap, fed because he got the privilege of being able to feed himself taken away...

He only dropped it on his head like, once! It doesn't matter if it caused him to start crying, he can still do it like anyone else can feed themselves! He shouldn't have started crying anyway, it was a tiny little bump. God, why did little him have to be so sensitive?

When it was time for the nap, there were two main locations. With anyone besides Kunikida, Chuuya, Yosano, or Fukuzawa he was to be laid down on the couch smothered in blankets.

But when Kunikida had a chance, he would always volunteer to watch him first. It's like he has some attachment, the idealistic man always looks anxious when he's away from the embarrassing baby side.

With Kunikida, he was either laid on a tiny futon that was unrolled from the closet next to Kunikida's desk but rarely. Most of the time he's on someone's lap being rocked to sleep since motion puts him out like a light.

Others that were offered were Atsushi, Ranpo, Naomi, Junichiro, and with supervision of another adult, Kenji. However, with Ranpo and Atsushi, it gets... Complicated.

Atsushi and Ranpo are also little, but they are at least big kids! Most of the time, at least. They don't need naps or bottles, but they are also set off easily in the presence of another little.

That was learned the hard way when Kunikida ended up with 3 giggly and squeamish littles after coming back from break. From that day on all three of them couldn't be alone caring together, unless there was time for some sort of play date after nap time.

Dazai would rather live than have to regress more times than needed, so he's never had a play date with the two, though he's heard they do it decently often.

And of course, there was Chuuya. Sometimes, when he was free during lunch break he would come to pick Dazai up for his nap. Normally he'd get taken home, but occasionally he was taken to Chu's office where he got to sit on the rolly chairs!

However he always preferred going home because of the risk of someone walking into him, the genius Dazai Osamu...giggling as Chuuya Nakahara bounces him on his lap or gently spins the rolling chair around. Yea no.

Originally the nap thing was set to every other day, or just not required every day. Dazai ruined that for himself though very easily. Once he had gotten used to the napping, apparently his body went 'oo! Time for sleep!!!? ;?! ' around the scheduled time automatically now.

He ended up struggling to stay awake as he did work with Kunikida one day and got nothing done, per usual. Dazai eventually drifted off on his shoulder from the exhaust, not very grown-ass 22-year-old of him.

But back to the current situation, it's the dreaded nap time. Well, way past nap time. Currently, there is a meeting going on between the Agency and the port mafia, that's all fine. The fine part was that the meeting had gone at least an hour off schedule.

It was planned so as not to bump into the time he gets put down, but stupid Mori couldn't agree on the originally proposed terms, so now they've been stuck!

______________________________________

Another thing is that Dazai hadn't quite realized how his body had gotten used to the nap times. Now that's come to bite him in the ass because he can't stop rubbing his eyes and yawning.

The work is called Cranky Baby! Here's the preview, Links to the full story and my ao3 page bellow.

Work: https://archiveofourown.org/works/56113351

My ao3 acc: https://archiveofourown.org/users/That_One_Odd_Shipper/pseuds/That_One_Odd_Shipper

[goldenavenger02]

The U.S Election and Anxiety + Tips For Voting

Hello everyone! I've decided that this year, during the election cycle since I live with my conservative family still, instead of getting into useless arguments with them and doomscrolling the whole time, I'm going to practice some mindfulness instead and this is where you come in!

I am writing down every single healthy coping mechanisms/distractions I can, that way I can stay vigilant and informed but I also don't spend four days watching a slow ticking map again, and putting them on folded pieces of paper and into a small bowl. That way anytime I get too stressed or I get into a fight with my family, I can pull one out and at the very least, distract myself for a little bit.

If you know of any healthy coping mechanisms that you use, it doesn't even have to be something you only do every 2 to 4 years, it can just be something you do when that feeling of panic starts to build in your chest, comment below, message me, submit them or reblog with it in the tags.

What I currently have right now is rewatching/rereading comfort media, exercising, cleaning, deep breathing/visualization, hanging out with my pets, crafting and playing mobile/PC games.

I am also willing to make my list public for anyone who needs it if they also suffer from debiliting election anxiety.

At the end of this, I just want all of you to remember a few things. Election anxiety, especially after 2016, is incredibly common and you shouldn't feel ashamed for having it when this political climate has turned into one of hate.

If you are a United States Citizen/registered/old enough to vote, vote. If you are in the line before 6 p.m on November 5th, 2024, they legally cannot turn you away. Bring food and water, there are states where it is illegal for someone to bring you food and water in line. Remember not to wear anything that can be seen as political when you go to vote (not even your Captain America shirt that is in your dresser). And voter intimidation and voter interference is illegal. If someone is standing outside of your polling place, harassing you or others about who they're voting for, let your poll workers know. If you hear someone talking to their buddy about doing something like, I don't know, lighting a ballot box on fire (this has already happened in Washington and Oregon), report it to your non-emergency police line. If it ends up being nothing, you won't be in trouble and if it ends up being something, YOU HELPED PROTECT DEMOCRACY.

Even if you are in a blue state, even if you're in a red state, even if you are in a swing state, even if you hate Kamala Harris and her opponent, even if you don't want to vote down the ballot (which you totally should because it can slowly turn your state blue), even if you are scared of the outcome, vote like your rights as a POC, as a woman, as a member of the LGBT+ community, as someone who isn't a white, straight man will be taken away from you. Because that is the sick reality of the US right now. This election isn't Harris v opponent (remember, names have power), this election is freedom v fascism, no matter what your MAGA relatives say.

And finally, when we fight, we win. Let's beat Kamala Harris' opponent in such a landside that he can't go crying to his lackies AKA the supreme court and beg them to overturn this in his favor with any evidence of "voter fraud" AKA him not getting his way.

And if you're like me, anxious about what will happen to your rights in the upcoming week, we should stay informed. But there is a difference between staying informed and doomscrolling. Yes, there is a LOT at stake in this election, there is no sugarcoating that.

But when you feel yourself start to panic, or your relative starts yelling at you for something they believe your party is doing even though it's not real AND even if it was, you aren't the one doing it, or you feel yourself leaning to unhealthy coping mechanisms, reach into the bowl.

I'll make a list of coping mechanisms to reblog under this and edit it as more come in. The fandom tags under this are so the post gets more reach which is NEEDED and most of these main characters would be voting blue if they were real.

[chezgender]

Cha cha cha / It's crazy it's party comparison

@tmrwds post and @izpira-se-zlato addition gave me brainworms. @kylla-kylla also saw the connection between ICIP and CCC and I saw their post after I started writing this. So I'm definitely not alone in being insane. Thus here is my own rant about It's Crazy it's Party.

Notes:

ICIP lyrics transcript taken from @koppitules on twt, translation taken from a Käärijä discord

CCC lyrics and translation from lyricstranslate.com

Disclaimer: This analysis is purposefully exaggerated/dramatic in order to highlight contrast. I do think Jere loves his job and career, ICIP is definitely a fun song in which you can find (or not) a deeper meaning, it's up to your interpretation. I just love angst lol please don't come at me I'm sensitive 🤡😭

(ps. sorry to all the people I tagged. You don't have to interact with this, I just wanted to give proper credit)

Let's start. Bear with me being cringe.

First verse

At the beginning of CCC, we see how partying is reserved for the weekend - it's something cathartic after a long week of responsibility and worries, it's an outlet for stress and negativity. The world can't scare him no more, as he mentions later in the song, now that he's having fun.

In ICIP, people have pointed out how the first verse reminds them of CCC, musically wise. This is definitely on purpose, the main difference lies in the lyrics. Here Jere reveals that partying now it's an everyday thing. It's an endless circus of traveling despite everything, he's the cog in a machine bigger than him. The world that seemed so tiny compared to the fun, is now scary - the party is now and tomorrow and 365 days a year, in Finland and even abroad. As if there was no safe place. He can't escape it and it's overwhelming to the point "you'll feel it in your hair and your ass" (honestly, weird phrasing, but it gets the point across I guess?). Either way, this party is almost ineluctable.

Chorus

In the CCC chorus he says he wants to forget about the pains of daily life by getting wasted and drinking with both hands on as many drinks as he can hold, until he won't even be able to get up. Honestly, although this doesn't seem like a healthy coping mechanism (but I'm none to judge), it does look willing and deliberate - he makes the choice of getting drunk on the weekend. He's in control of when the party happens.

In ICIP instead the chorus is shorter, and quite tautological: crazy is crazy, party is party, and life is life, you know? (see @tmrwds for a cultural insight on the "elämä on laiffi" phrase). There's a different feeling in this chorus, the singing is soft and maybe even a bit sexy but the lyrics hold a touch of resignation in between. This party is not a deliberate choice anymore, Jere doesn't get to choose when his life is crazy/party and when he gets to rest.

CCC 2nd verse / ICIP Tommy's verse

Without need for lyrics, also because most people have a hard time understanding what Tommy was singing live, I'll talk about this in brief. I chose to include it because Jere himself sang some parts of it during the live - mostly echoing, but still.

In CCC, Jere parties almost alone. Well, it's implied that there's more people to that party but the song is about him, his own liberation from stress and whatever thing was keeping him bound and off the dancefloor. There are no explicit references to other people.

In ICIP instead, Tommy sings about a club in which they enter and people go crazy. They talk about sex in a rather crass way, probably for kicks, but as mentioned in @tmrwds post, it could definitely hint at the wrong kind of attention Jere is receiving. People in his DMs and probably even in person are making more or less explicit advances on him, surely unsolicited, but it's part of the party.

And Tommy invites Jere to party with him (that modulated voice parodically reminds me of the beginning of Barbie Girl by Aqua). Jere says yes, of course he wants to party with him, right here right now (no matter the day, or his condition, does he really have a say in it?)

Another thing I'd like to point out:

Jere in CCC mentions "it's hard to talk when this different side of me does its part" / Tommy in ICIP mentions how the alcohol makes it hard to think (obviously, but I'm clinically insane and I see intertextuality everywhere) - so, basically, the "side of him" Jere talks about in CCC renders him carefree, maybe happy, definitely free of burdens. In ICIP, this "part of him" seems to have taken complete control to the point Jere can't tell himself from it.

Last part of ICIP

"Let's go party" leads to a countdown - inexorable and short, leaving everyone little time to get ready. The song explodes like a bomb, reminds me of a breakdown in a Korn song. The bass hammers hard and everyone is jumping, hearts bursting, everything is out of control. To quote @izpira-se-zlato , there's an apocalyptic feeling to it. Jere can't do anything but let himself be engrossed without a chance to escape. Which he can't, lest he gives everything up.

Where CCC was party metal with a touch of eurodance, ICIP definitely belongs to an insane rave. It reminds me of Dutch hardstyle, dubstep and a touch of eurodance until the end, which screams industrial/nu metal to me, only adding to the concept of hammering and exhausting work/lifestyle.

We could say that It's Crazy it's Party is the Välikuolema to Cha Cha Cha's Viuliunkieli, in a way.

Jere is a storyteller in most of his songs, and it's clear he likes such narratives to carry on between different tracks (i.e: I think the Viulunkieli/Välikuolema narrative carries on to Morgan), so it's only fair to assume the two songs combined tell a whole story.

Further speculation: Jere has often said he's really tired in this precise moment - the relentless touring throughout summer is obviously taking a toll on him, no matter how much he can love what he does. It would be exhausting for anyone. Plus, the "ghost" of ESC follows him everywhere: sometimes I get the feeling many people perceive him as the CCC-guy rather than the complete artist he is, so maybe he's trying to change this.

As many people already said, the story Mikke posted with the grave being dug could hint at the burial of green-bolero-Käärijä. I don't believe Jere is denying the fame and good things it has brought, but he's probably willing to turn the page and carry on with something new (and probably take a long, well deserved break). Or maybe the MV will just be homoerotic softp-rn featuring a grave, WHO KNOWS. I just know I can't wait to see what's next. I love ESC-Käärija (without CCC I wouldn't even be aware of his existence, so I'm forever grateful) and that love will forever be a part of me, but I also welcome this change with open arms in hopes to see him grow more and more.

Conclusion: the speculation is very real and material and I am very very cringe <33

[alittlebitofloveliness]

OKAY outside of Dallas and Johnny, I think Two-Bit is one of the sadder characters of the Curtis gang. Like YES his home life isn’t as bad as Johnny’s, and he doesn’t want to watch the world burn like Dallas. But Two-Bit is such a self destructive character if you think about it. Yeah he doesn’t hurt anyone, but he does hurt himself. Especially since addiction is a core part of him as a character.

I think a lot about his family too and how sad the dynamics of his family COULD be. Well depending on how you view them. Two-Bit is genuinely a good guy, but he carry’s so much hurt that he can’t help BUT he self destructive. Unknowingly to Two I think that habit causes harm to the people around him too, like potentially his sister.

I just— Two-Bit Matthews the guy you are…I think you and your sister may be doomed by the narrative.

Two-bit is SO tragic, I've said it before and I'll say it again, he's just as violent as Dallas, he just turns that violence on himself instead of projecting it outwards. I think one of the cleverest parts of Hinton's writing and showing us The Outsiders from Ponyboy's point of view is that as an audience we fall for Two-bit's facade the way Pony and the gang and pretty much everyone does. Two-bit uses humour as a coping mechanism and it works, it works so well we rarely if ever see any characters worrying about him because he's funny, easygoing Two-bit with his cartoons and his beer bottle. Nevermind the fact he's nineteen and an an alcoholic, and that the 'laziness' Pony repeatedly remarks to be a part of his character just often sounds like a hallmark of undiagnosed depression running rampant. This is a kid whose dad left and his mom is hardly around, who lost four people who were very close to him in a short period of time, and watched a bunch of other guys he considers his brothers change so fundamentally that they're hardly the same people he knew growing up. Like everyone in the gang he has a lot of trauma that he has no healthy way of ever dealing with.

As for his sister, I GENUINELY meant it when I said she is maybe THE most tragic character in the Outsiders and she gets like, one mention. But I just feel so bad for this little girl. She's a girl growing up on the rough side of Tulsa, whose dad left and whose mom works so much she hardly has anytime to see her let alone hear about any problems she may be having. Her older brother, who's supposed to look out for her, is a drunk, too preoccupied playing happy family with his gang of friends to actually BE family to her. (I know a lot of people think two-bit would be the best big brother ever. I 100% don't.) She grows up and no one has time for her. By the time she's ten she's used to tucking Two-bit into bed when he stumbles home drunk, knows to turn him on his side and put a trashcan beside him for when he pukes. She watches at school as he ruffles Ponyboy Curtis' hair and wishes more than anything in the world she'd been born a boy, because apparently kid brothers- even fake ones- are more fun than kid sisters, and maybe if she was a boy he'd actually want to hang out with her. He stumbles inside one day after the worst day of her life and doesn't even notice anything is wrong. Two weeks later he slurs out that he'll always be here for her and she doesn't know how to explain that he's never been here for her, not really. just. Agh. Susie Mathews is so tragic because she is so alone and so incredibly VULNERABLE and someone could so easily see that and take advantage of it. (I'm working on a fic about her right now because she deserves her story to be told)

Anyway. Thanks for the ask!

[rorimoon9597]

TW: nightmare, mentions of medication (if that might upset anyone) and implied death/murder and shit that Galra did to prisoners.

Loving Takashi Shirogane was never going to be easy. Adam knew that when he was a teenager, and he knew that when Takashi's illness was diagnosed as terminal.

Adam knew that now, after reuniting with Takashi after six (or was it seven? He lost count while in that prison) years. Takashi's hair was white, he had so many scars, and he was in his clone's body. Not only that, but his arm was one that Pidge had made with the help of Coran and Hunk in case his other arm was cut off.

So Adam knew that Takashi wasn't the same. Some of the officers called him insane for loving Takashi. Matt just grinned and congratulated him on getting back with Takashi.

Knowing this, and having seen a few horrors of the Galra prisons himself, he was prepared for Takashi to have nightmares.

It never meant that it was easy for either of them to deal with them.

Takashi woke up from a nightmare. It also woke up Adam, who was instantly by Takashi's side.

"Takashi? Hey, Takashi, you're okay. I'm here, you're safe," Adam said. He gently pulled Takashi to his chest, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend. "It's okay, love, I'm here. You're safe now, you got out of there, remember?"

"Adam?" Takashi asked. He was breathing too fast.

"It's me, Takashi." Adam turned on the lights, just enough to provide a small amount of light. "What are five things you can see?" He asked.

"Blanket... the lights... the wall... desk... chair..."

"Good. Four things you can feel?"

"You... the blankets... my shirt... your shirt..." Takashi's breathing was calmer now. Still not even, but calmer.

"Three things you can hear?"

"Your breathing... the Atlas... my voice..."

"Two things you smell."

"Your shampoo and sweat." That made Adam screw up his nose.

"Gross," he commented. Takashi huffed a laugh. "Name one thing you can taste."

"Dinner." Adam pressed a kiss to Takashi's hair.

"Feeling better?" He asked. Takashi nodded.

"Yeah... Yeah, thank you."

"I'm glad to hear that. Do you... do you want to talk about it?" Takashi was silent for a while. Adam didn't expect Takashi to talk, but the therapist that the Garrison had hired for the crew had told them both that it was better to talk.

Didn't mean that it was easy, though.

"Sometimes... I remember... what... what I went through. I remembered how... how I tried to help an elderly man. They... they forced me to-"

"You don't have to say it," Adam said. Takashi adjusted himself so that he could bury his face in Adam's chest.

"It was horrible," Takashi whispered.

"You did what you had to, Takashi. I know that you did. I went through something similar, remember?" Takashi looked up at him.

"How do you deal with it?" He asked. Adam shrugged.

"I talk to a therapist, look for healthy coping mechanisms, talk to Matt about our experiences... That kind of thing, you know?"

"Yeah..." Takashi rested his head on Adam's chest again.

"Do you think that you can go to sleep after that nightmare?" Adam asked. He ran his hands through Takashi's hair.

"I don't know..."

"Do you want to take your meds?" Takashi nodded.

"Alright. I'll go get them." Takashi let him get up and head into the bathroom to grab the medication and some water. He handed both to Takashi, who took the pills and drained the glass, then climbed back into bed.

Takashi fell asleep again after that, curled up like a cat next to Adam. There was a furrow in his brow, which Adam smoothed out with the pad of his thumb. He pressed another kiss to his head.

"I love you, Takashi."

Adam went back to sleep after that.

[airenyah]

People I wanna know better tag meme

was tagged my @lurkingshan <3

Last song?

ok so there's actually a story behind the last song i listend to: earlier i was revising some stuff we did in my thai class before christmas (bc our new course is starting tomorrow) and one of the words was "earthquake" and i saw the thai word written down in my notes and somehow i heard the word as a melody in my brain?? instead of my normal reading voice?? and so i went to look up the song and sure enough the word is there

actually i heard the melody of the word "earthquake" from this song in somebody's very specific voice and i wish i could say that you can win a prize if you're able to pinpoint who and where exactly i got this song from but alas i don't have a prize, so you'll have to do with my highest admiration lmao . yes i've linked it on my blog before some time in the last few weeks

Favorite color?

blueee i really like blue, esp a nice shiny dark blue

Currently watching?

cooking crush

last twilight

the sign (i'm like 2 eps behind tho)

and i know i just got done with my bad buddy anniversary rewatch only yesterday, but i was thinking of doing another rewatch next month when i'm on semester break bc i wanna track all the times an instrumental version of "just friend?" plays as background music

Last movie?

*gaily* Überraschung!

no, i will not elaborate. this one goes out to all my german speakers. if you know you know 🤭

or actually, i'll let calvin and habs do the explaining

Sweet/Spicy/Savory?

totally depends on my mood and the dish

(unpopular opinion but savory strudel >>>>>>>>>> sweet strudel)

Relationship status?

trying to get over a crush single. bc i'd rather be caught dead than tell anyone how i feel about them. can't let people know we have, you know...

running away and denial is a healthy coping mechanism i know lmao

Current obsessions?

what am i if not a bad buddy blog in its joongdunk era

Last thing you googled?

"100 usd to euro" bc of this poll

Selfie or another pic you took?

enjoy this picture from that one time when boy cat INSISTED that he too needed to go on a walk when my mom took the dog outside and then got really angry when there was, well, snow on the ground

the world sure is not fair, huh

tagging:

@dimplesandfierceeyes @nongnaos @greenteadumplings @sunnenfinster @visualtaehyun @moonkhao @newyearknwwme @gaym3bo1 @ranchthoughts @mommyzhilla @callipigio

[suzukiblu]

Hello all, I am honestly not even sure how long it's been since I've really talked to anyone online and I'm very sorry for just straight-up ghosting so many of you, but I'm trying to work on resuming my life and reconnecting with people a bit and especially trying to start picking up all of the commitments I've let myself drop in the past year or two.

Full disclosure, I've been having a bad time mentally for quite a while and just haven't been available to anyone in my life, online or off. I'm really sorry to have stressed people out with that because I know I did worry a few of you. I'm just not all here, to be honest, and I haven't handled it well. I'm having some personal struggles and just not doing my best taking care of the resulting issues--it's not anything trauma-based/triggered, it's more along the lines of problems with in-built psychological issues stemming from chemical imbalances that I just don't always manage as effectively as I could. But I'm not physically ill and haven't been in an accident or anything like that, and I'm trying to re-engage with life now. Catching up with people I owe communication/commissions/explanations to is on my list, but I just haven't managed to make it very far into said list yet. I am, however, physically healthy and in stable housing, and if anything emergency-adjacent happens I do have local friends and non-local family members I could get help from, so I'm not in an "immediate crisis" situation.

I'm just also unemployed, out of money, and scraping by on food stamps and state-issued healthcare that doesn't cover my previous psychiatrist, and I haven't been able to find a new one in-network who's taking patients and actually, like . . . calls me back when I leave a message or email them in interest of making an appointment. I'm signed up with a program that can help me get a job, hopefully, but the process is taking a little while and I'm not sure how long it'll take in the end, so the future is very nebulous at the moment.

And like . . . VERY full disclosure, I'm just very depressed and stuck being off my meds for the forseeable future. My room is a mess I can't bring myself to clean up, I feel like I can't engage meaningfully with a lot of things, I don't feel hopeful or optimistic at all, my emotional responses are all heavily muted, my coping mechanisms are avoiding breakdowns but are not long-term helpful or productive, and I'm neglecting a lot of people and things in my life and my own best interests because I just . . . don't care.

I know my situation and my feelings are largely just because I'm going through a major depressive phase unmedicated and with limited personal resources, it's not an end of the world scenario or anything. It's just been difficult and upsetting trying to find ways and motivation to fix my life and get out of that phase when I'm already feeling sunk in a quagmire and like I did all this to myself with my own mistakes, and I'm just trying to take things one step at a time and build back up from where I'm at.

So long story short: I'm not doing great right now but I'm stable, and I greatly appreciate the concern and grace I've been given while being just entirely off radar and am going to be doing my best to make right or make up for the neglect. If anyone wants or needs to check in on anything I owe them, please feel free to message me and ask; I'll be trying to contact everyone I owe anything to but given the brain-fog I've been dealing with I don't trust myself not to miss anybody in there, so believe me, if you feel the need I will in no way be offended and you'd probably be doing me a favor anyway.

Thank you all, you've all been so good to me over the years. I'll hopefully be in touch soon. ❤