#when BC said PANIC PANIC PANIC i felt that lol

[oddberryshortcake]

MY DEAR i apologize for the random drabble request pls don't feel pressured to do this if you do not wish🩵

but as u know, I love how you write the Dia gang🥺 and I crave crumbs of Lilia being put in a scenario where he actually needs to drop his 'ufufu' act and be protective over a one Silver Vanrouge

which is something I have not found yet in canon materials, very sadly, (but pls correctly me if i am wrong bc I am not in-the-know of all the vignettes and such)

There is one great moment in Book 7 where Lilia literally gets shot by a cannon while shielding Silver and he didn't even remember Silver was his son, his body just reacted on its own. Such good angst 😭 and then Jade's lab vignette has a pretty cute moment between the two with Lilia thinking Silver was getting poisoned.

But yes, I have written something for you (sorry it took so long lol) please enjoy and thank you for asking!

✯¸.•´*¨`*•✿✿•*`¨*`•.¸✯

‘Shouldn’t he be taking less naps by now?’ Lilia thought to himself. 

In all of the human parenting books he read, most of them said that young humans tend to stop napping regularly at around four years old. Unless Silver was in the 30% margin of human five-year-olds needing naps, Lilia couldn’t find rhyme or reason for Silver to be this tired so frequently. 

When Silver was a baby, Lilia often praised him for his ability to go to sleep easily. It was a far cry from Malleus, who hated naps even when he was a wee little dragon. For a while, the only problem Silver really had was something called ‘colic’ and that thankfully passed by the time he reached 6 months. 

He had his suspicions it could have something to do with the state Lilia found him in…Lost in the throes of a protective sleep spell for over 400 years. The spell should’ve broken by now, otherwise Silver wouldn’t be here with him at all, tottering about in their front yard. 

He felt in his gut that some of Silver’s quirks weren’t normal, but he had no way of knowing for sure. He never lived with a human before nor took care of one. He kept telling himself that maybe human children would fall asleep standing up. 

He was brushing up on his reading because of his anxious observations. It was his way of dissuading himself from worrying. That’s when he heard what sounded like a heavy object being dropped down the stairs…The stairs that led up to Silver’s bedroom. 

“Silver? Are you causing any mischief up there?” He asks playfully, but he got no response which was odd. 

He went to inspect the sound and found Silver collapsed at the bottom of the stairs, limbs contorted in ways he’d see the deceased on the battlefield lie, not befitting for a little five-year-old. 

After a moment of standing there, in shock at what he was seeing, his senses finally came back to him and he rushed over to investigate. There was a cut just above Silver’s delicate forehead, and blood was gushing out. 

“Silver! Please speak to me!” He attempted, but got nothing. Then panic set in, those colorful little bandaids he had on hand wouldn’t be enough to close up this wound, and he had no healing potion on hand.

The blood reached down to his white eyelashes and wasn’t stopping. Was he gravely injured? Was he dying?

He already knew humans were fragile, but could stairs really kill him?

All these unknowns swirled in his brain and he felt like he did when Silver first got ill as a baby. Completely blind, making stuff up on the spot, a novice in the ways of raising a human, guilty of not handing Silver over to willing humans who would’ve taken him in and raised him better. 

He took Silver into his arms, not caring that his blood stained his newly cleaned white shirt, and took to a broomstick to fly all the way to the nearest human clinic. 

When he arrived, there was someone new at the front desk, a human employee he had never seen before instead of someone familiar. 

“This child fell down my stairs. He’s bleeding and he isn’t responding, I need help.” Lilia told her with urgency. 

“Sir, where did you find this child?” She asked, not knowing. 

He had fallen into his usual habit of referring to Silver as ‘the kid he looked after’ like he would around Baur. This woman took one look at him and knew they didn’t match.

“He’s mine.” Lilia asserted.

“But you’re-“

“Yes, I know I’m a fae, but he’s my child and he needs help! Where’s the doctor?!” He quickly lost his patience with her. 

His heart was already pounding out of his chest, feeling unworthy of calling Silver his own. The judgmental reaction he was met with had validated his feelings of inadequacy. 

The usual doctor stepped out and recognized them, apologizing for his new employee’s reaction. He took one look at Silver in his arms and took him to the back where Silver would normally get his annual check-ups. 

The doctor wiped the blood away to reveal that the cut Silver got across his hairline was not as deep as it looked. 

“There are many tiny arteries around the head, that’s why the bleeding was so profuse at a small cut,” the doctor explained, “With some gauze, it should heal up like normal.”

“But he’s unconscious,” Lilia told him, “that’s dangerous for humans.”

“This wound isn’t deep enough for that. Children often get more hurt when they try bracing themselves for a fall, but I believe Silver went limp before he fell down the stairs as you described.” The doctor told him as he wrapped the bandage around his son’s head. 

Silver didn’t necessarily look in pain, just asleep as he normally was…Except that wasn’t normal, was it?

“What do you mean? Are you saying he wasn’t conscious when he fell?” Lilia asks. 

The doctor turns to him, a serious expression on his face. 

“I know you’re new to this and as you’ve told me before, you haven’t interacted with humans much before adopting him…But excessive sleepiness is not normal for a child his age.” The doctor said, and Lilia felt the pit in his stomach grow. 

“It’s not?” He repeats dumbly, of course, it’s not! Why did he allow so much room for doubt in his mind, pushing his concerns aside, believing that he was making up it being an issue. 

“No, and the fact that his injury hasn’t woken him up is concerning. I think you should look into consulting medical mages or human doctors closer in the city about this.” The doctor recommended, “It could be an underlying neurological disorder.”

‘Or a blessing turned curse,’ Lilia thinks in his head. He couldn’t tell the doctor that, though, he couldn’t tell anyone. Not even Malleus, nor Silver even when he’s old enough to understand. This is his secret to keep close to his heart. 

“If you have any recommendations, please let me know.” Lilia requests, “I’ll take him to whatever doctor or mage he needs to go to solve this.” 

Would anyone be able to find out what’s wrong, though?

Ancient magic was seeped into his bones, there was no known cure for that. But if someone could find anything, then…

Silver stirred and was understandably disoriented from his change in surroundings. He started to tear up, which he hadn’t done in a long time, and Lilia pulled him into a hug where he could muffle his soft cries into his shoulder. 

“Thank you for always helping me.” He thanked the human doctor, who returned similar sentiments. 

“I was surprised when Dr. Zigvolt referred you to us,” he said, referring to Baur’s son-in-law, “A fae raising a human isn’t exactly common, but I can tell you both care for each other. You have a good kid, I’m sure you raised him to be that way.”

“So you’ve noticed,” Lilia replied light-heartedly. Silver turned his face to the familiar doctor, now ashamed by his tears, and wanted to thank him for patching him up. “What do we say, Silver?”

“Thank you sir,” Silver says in a small voice. 

“You two take care.” The doctor bids them farewell on the way out. 

As they left, Silver looked up at him with his side, auroral eyes, and tilted his bandaged head in curiosity. 

“Papa, you’re gripping my hand really tight. What’s wrong?” He asks, “Is it cause I hurt myself?”

Silver could be strangely perceptive, almost wise beyond his short years. Yes, Lilia had Silver in a tighter grip than usual, afraid a possible second slip up would send them right back to where they start. 

Lilia could never tell Silver about who his parents truly were or where he came from or even why he is the way he is. He would keep having to lie about that, and lying to that sweet little face was already so hard. 

Silver didn’t even know he was adopted yet, it’s like everything about their little life was one big secret. 

But he couldn’t lie about this. 

“I’m a little worried about you, that’s all. The nice doctor told me that your sleepiness isn’t normal.” He broke the news, to which Silver looked down at his tiny feet in shame, “But it’s alright because I’m going to take you to many doctors so we can find a cure.”

“That’s good!” Silver looked up with a smile, “Then I can still be a knight, right?”

“Yes, you can.” Lilia said, swinging both their arms back and forth, “And Silver?”

Silver looked back at him. 

“Please try not to scare your papa.”

[theflyingfeeling]

aaaarrghghgh 😭

[florida3exclamationpoints]

I'm gonna post this hopefully quickly and then go make bracelets to distract myself bc I wanna get it out but not have to come back to it later . And I will be whining about this on main a lot so I might as well give yall some context first

[incorrectquotesideas-deactivated]

Person A: Do you want a beer? I’m paying.

Person B, going through the restaurant’s menu: No. Ugh, where’s the good stuff?

Person A, half jokingly: I thought you were an alcoholic.

Person B: Exactly. I’d need at least, like, four beers — without food — to get slightly buzzed, and my stomach can’t fit over 2 beers in it. I’m small. I’ll have a rum, neat.

[purgaytorysupremacy]

i'm applying for a fellowship that required my faculty supervisor to write me a letter of support and yesterday he very shyly emailed to say he was nearly done but wanted to confirm my pronouns. i'm a cis woman who is just very very tall (before you ask: 6'2") and uses a nickname bc my given name is too Dutch for most folks (apparently) but i have just discovered that for the last two-ish months i've been in the program, everyone has been dancing around my pronouns and substituting my name more than is normal bc no one wanted to misgender me and were apparently just waiting for someone to either use pronouns in front of me or for me to use them myself and i think i have truly reached my final queer form

[ichigosoju]

💭💗

[thebearer]

love me tomorrow |carmen berzatto x reader| part three

prompt: after time apart, you and carmen meet up for the first time since the fight.

or part three and the final part of the devastation fic (spoiler- the resolution haha). part one and part two can be found here :)

contains: angst. hurt with comfort (finally lol). mentions of mean!carmen, past fighting. past trauma, family trauma. carmen's been to therapy (yay). language. mom!reader x dad!carmen. fluff at the end, i had to make it a little funny and end on a light note bc it felt so heavy lol. word count- 4.7k+

“He’s here,” Sugar announced, the chime of a doorbell following nearly cinematically. 

Your shoulders tightened, stomach twisting with an ache of nerves you tried to swallow. You were so nervous- why were you so nervous? He’d fucked up, not you. He was here to grovel and beg for forgiveness, not you. Still, you felt your hairline prick with heat, hands clammy when you heard the door opening downstairs. 

“Okay,” You tried to steady your voice, exhaling slowly out of your nose. “I’m almost done.” 

Sugar nodded, not leaving, keeping her post behind you. “You know you don’t have to do this.” Sugar looked at you through the mirror, arms folded over her chest, watching you carefully for a sign- anything that would give her a red flag, make her call this off. 

“I know,” You swallowed your buzzing nerves, jittery in the pit of your belly. 

“I’ll tell him to go away. You give me the word, and I’ll kick him out.” Sugar stood, pushing off the door frame and walking towards you. “Seriously. One wrong word, wrong look, anything, he’s gone. Say the word.” 

You gave a small smile. “I think I’ll be alright, but thank you.” You muttered, looking down at your bare ring finger. You still found yourself reaching for your ring, heart spiking in a panic when you’d see it was gone, only to sink when you remembered why- why you left it. 

“I feel like it’s time.” You admitted, trying to convince yourself more than Natalie. You were still unsure, so jarred and hurt by the last time you’d spoken to Carmen. The things he’d said, how he’d hurt you. “I think we have to figure something out.”

“You don’t have to do anything.” Sugar gave you a pointed look. “Trust me, if this was me, Pete would never live that down- never. He’d be at my mercy for the rest of his life, if I even let him back into it.” 

You knew Natalie wasn’t joking, that she would do just as she said, but that was also easy for her to say; when Pete could not fathom ever thinking those things about her, let alone saying them to her. Sometimes you wished Carmen could be softer, a little more like Pete in that way. 

“He’s been going to therapy,” Richie’s voice played in your mind. “He’s, uh, he’s doin’ good. Tryna get better for you, for both of you. He loves you, you know that, sweetheart. He’s just… He’s fucked up, y’know? We all are a little, but he’s workin’ on it.” 

You hoped that was true. For your marriage, for your baby. Sugar and Pete had been taking Teddy to see Carmen. You couldn't bring yourself to see him yet, but depriving him of Teddy felt cruel and inhumane. 

Downstairs, you could hear her gurgling, Carmen’s soft tone greeting her in hushed excitement. It soothed you, even for just a moment, it felt familiar- felt like home. What you’d missed so badly, what you longed for to have again. 

“Uncle Carm, why haven’t you been staying here too?” MJ’s tiny squeak of a voice rang up the stairs, greeting you as you quietly crept down them. 

“MJ,” Pete muttered, shaking his head gently. “C’mon, bud, you know Uncle Carm’s been on a business trip.” 

“Right, yeah.” Carmen nodded, his hand patting Teddy’s back gently, soothing her and him. Just feeling the weight of her back on his chest, it put him at ease. She was bigger now, longer than he remembered, but he tried not to think about that, nose pressing into her soft tufts of hair. 

MJ saw you first, his face falling into a pout. “Aw, does that mean you’re going home?” He whined, looking at you then back at Carmen. “Are you takin’ Anchovy and Teddy?” 

Anchovy skittered towards you, running up the stairs at the mention of his name. He’d been a trooper with MJ and Maggie, both kids enamored with the cat who was less than impressed with them. 

Carmen stiffened at the sight of you, spine rigid, heart skipping and falling in his chest. There was a pause of awkward uncertainty, neither of you sure what to say. “If you’re good,” Sugar stepped in. “Maybe your aunt and uncle will let you play with them a little longer while they go out.” She looked at you, shrugging gently at the suggestion. 

You looked at Carmen, eyes meeting him in a brief, unsure gaze, before nodding. “Yeah, that would be- that would be great, MJ.” You gave a soft smile to the boy. 

Carmen stood, passing Teddy off to Sugar with a quiet muttering of thanks. He met you in the doorway, hand reaching for yours, but stopping himself, pulling back hesitantly. Instead, he held the door open, letting you pass by him first. 

The car smelled like a mix of cleaning supply, masked with car fresheners he’d stuck in the vents. He’d been smoking, more than usual, you were sure of it. He’d gotten down to one a day after Teddy was born, paranoid that he’d give her asthma or a rash or something worse. 

“Um,” Carmen hesitated, his voice shaking in a way that he hadn’t since your first date. “I was… I was thinkin’ we could go somewhere t-to talk?” Carmen’s gaze met yours, lips pressing together, swallowing around the lump in his throat. 

You nodded, your hands clasped in your lap, both of you too rigid, too uncomfortable. “Yeah, that’s a good idea.” You looked down at your nails. “We could go get coffee? Go to the one by the restaurant.” 

Carmen’s heart burned with a dull ache. The coffee shop a block from The Bear had been a staple in your relationship. When you’d first moved in together, to the shitty downtown apartment to be closer to the restaurant, Carmen would go every Sunday. Sometimes he’d pick up, other times you’d come with him, sit in the corner seat side by side in a booth- like the couples you used to roll your eyes at, lovesick. 

Someone was already sitting in that booth when you got there, so you settled for a small two seater in the back, secluded and empty. Carmen brought you your coffee without asking, he knew the order by heart now, etched into his mind permanently. 

���Thank you,” You muttered, accepting the paper cup, your eyes not meeting his, but your hands brushing. You didn’t pull away this time. 

Carmen sat across from you, a dread filled silence falling thick between the two of you. His knee bouncing under the table. “I, uh, I wanna talk first if-if that’s good with you.” Carmen’s eyes lifted under his ball cap, pulled low on his head, curls peaking out. 

You nodded, twisting the paper cup around on the table, too nervous to drink it. Carmen took a breath, trying to calm his racing mind. “Take a deep breath before you start. It’s ok to take a second to get your words in order, Carmen. Collect your thoughts.” Dr. Mullins’ words rang through his head. 

“I wanna start by saying that I’m sorry.” Carmen looked at you when he said it, eyes rounding in a pathetically sweet way. “I-I’m sorry and I…I didn’t mean anything I said. I would never- It wasn’t you.” 

You looked down at the table, the familiar heat burning in your nose and throat, a threat of tears already. “Hey,” Carmen said firmly, leaning forward. “C’mon, look at me. Please?” You look at him hesitantly, jaw clenching, trying to keep yourself from crying. 

Carmen held your gaze, his lips pressing together in a tight line to keep his own emotions in. “It wasn’t you.” His gaze was intense but soft all at once, holding yours. “It… It was all me. All of it. I-I was overwhelmed, I was stressed, I fucked up, a-and-” Carmen’s voice cracked, breaking at the end, his hand running over his face to try and calm himself. 

You felt your own eyes well with tears, chin ducking closer into yourself, leaning towards him. You wanted to reach out, to grab his hand that rested on the table, squeeze it in comfort like you always did. Instead, you looked at him, waiting for him to continue. 

“And I shouldn’t have said any of that shit because-because none of it was true.” Carmen continued, his voice strained. 

“So why’d you say it then?” You surprised yourself with the firmness in your tone, edging on a snap. 

Carmen blinked, surprised but not entirely shocked. His knee bounced faster and faster under the table. He took a second, holding his breath before exhaling, trying to keep the growing tightness in his chest to a minimum. 

“I was stressed. I was tired. I-I was overwhelmed, and… and I was an asshole.” Carmen admitted, but you still didn’t seem convinced. You knew him better than anyone, better than Dr. Mullins, better than even Fak or Richie or Sugar. 

“I… I was hurting. I was hurting an-and I was so fuckin’ angry. I don’t-I don’t even know why I was so angry.” Carmen admitted, nodding slowly, eyes flickering from your gaze to his hands nervously. “I just… I think I wanted someone to hurt like I was hurting. I just, I don’t know, I wanted someone else to feel like I was, an-and I should have- it was fuckin’ stupid, an-and selfish, and…” 

Your eyes were glassy with tears you tried to hide, blinking a tear that fell down your cheek, wiping it quickly. Carmen’s chest ached, burned with hurt at the sight of you. 

“And I’ve never regretted anything more in my life.” He looked at you sincerely. “I-I-I never said anything more untrue and fuckin’ stupid in my life.” 

“You…” You took a breath, your voice shaking with emotions. “You really hurt my feelings, Carmen.” You admitted looking at him. He nodded, jaw flexing, neck blossoming with splotches of emotion. 

“I just don’t really understand how-how you didn’t mean to say those things. I mean, clearly you-you’ve thought that before.” Your voice lifted higher and higher, climbing with a cry that threatened to break. “I know you’re saying you didn’t mean those things, and I get that, but my problem is you’ve thought them before-” 

“-No, no, I swear-” 

“-You have, Carmen. Clearly you have. You wouldn’t- You didn’t just come up with that shit out of nowhere.” Your voice was beginning to climb, trying to level it out in the cafe, keeping your composure. You took a breath, pinching the bridge of your nose, pad of your thumb swiping the corner of your eye to catch a stray tear. “Just… Just don’t lie to me.” 

Carmen pressed his hands together, trying hard to remember his breathing while his mind was racing. Sugar was right, it was uncomfortable, worse than he could have imagined. 

“You’re right,” Carmen admitted with a nod. There was no point in lying, not to you, you always knew better, knew him better. “I-I did, but not-not like that. Not,” Carmen’s breath hitched, chest tight with a wave of anxiety. 

“You know wh-when I was at the restaurant, and I… I would be ready to rip my fuckin’ hair out. Everything was just goin’ to shit, o-or we’d realize there was a critic on the books, or I’d forgot to order some shit, I’d be going fuckin’ crazy, ya know?” Carmen rambled, words spilling out in tumbles of jumbled truth.

 “I’d go to my office for a second, just to-just to take a fuckin’ breath, and… and I’d check my phone and I’d see a text from you.” His heart swelled at the memory. You’d text him updates through the day, knowing he’d seen him when he could. Baby Teddy in her crib, Anchovy in the bassinet, her outfit for the day, nap time- all the moments he missed at work because you wanted him to see. You had considered him. Carmen missed it more than words could describe the past days, checking his phone out of habit, hoping to see a little OOTD with a smiley face and a wrinkly baby Teddy attached- instead, he saw nothing. 

“I’d just… I don’t know. I was sittin’ there, just fuckin’ stressed o-or angry, and then I’d see that and I-I’d feel,” Carmen paused. Gather your thoughts, gather your thoughts. 

“I felt… I just felt weird about it?” Carmen’s brows pinched together, looking at you for help, unsure. Your face fell, his heart lurching with fear. 

“No, no, no, no. Not-Not like that. I- fuck, that’s not what- I love the pictures. Love them. I-I- They’re the only things that get me through the day, it-it’s not that-” Carmen stuttered out, head dropping into his hands in defeat. Way to go, Berzatto. 

“Felt weird?” You repeated, calm, your way of soothing him. Keeping your voice even, steady without any tones he could read into and spiral. It was second nature at this point. “Weird how?” 

“It made me feel like… like I was, I was missin’ out.” Carmen admitted, eyes shining bright and a little wide like they always did when he’d finally admit something. Wide eyed, scared, almost, like he shouldn’t have told the truth. 

“I felt like, I’m at work, an-and you were at home with Teddy, and…and I felt like I was bein’ a shitty dad. Like I was there too much, an-and I’d miss out on her, and then I’d miss you, I’d just…” Carmen threw his hands out lightly, cheeks puffing with a slow, shaky exhale. 

“I was jealous, maybe? Ma-Maybe that’s the word, but I just… I didn’t want to be there, and I know,” He lifted his voice before you could begin to speak. “I know I’m th-the boss, and-and I get that. And it’s not- it’s not your fault. It’s not your fault you’re home- I’m glad you’re home, I am, because you’re doin’ so much. You are, an-and I know that, I know. You’re-You’re doin’ the most important job in the fuckin’ world, I mean, you’re keepin’ ou-our baby alive.” 

Carmen laughed humorlessly, a scoff that turned into a sniffle, shaking his head. You sat quietly, listening to his words, taking them in with a slow nod. Carmen looked at you, trying to read you, taking in your expressions. Your shoulders less tense, tired, face neutral but he saw the way your lips twitched, holding back a cry. 

“Just sometimes when-when I’d be in the shit, I’d just want to be home.” Carmen admitted. “I’d want to be home, but… but I knew I couldn’t be. I knew I had to-to take care of things, take care of you an-and Teddy, and I don’t- fuck, I don’t mean it like a bad thing. I like doing it, I mean obviously I fuckin’ do, it’s just- it-it’s a lot sometimes and I get-” 

“-Carm,” You cut off his ramblings, reaching across the table, your hand sliding over the top of his, squeezing it gently. 

Carmen thought his lungs might have given out, his heart too, looking down at your hand in awe. Bolts of electricity shot through his body, tingling at his skin that touched yours with excitement. He’d missed this, missed your touch, missed you. It felt surreal, sitting here, feeling you, seeing you. 

“I’m sorry.” Carmen whispered, turning his hand to hold yours. Hands clammy, fingernails bitten to the quick. His fingers intertwined in yours, holding your hand so tightly your fingers tingles. He held your hand like he was scared to let go, like if he did he might never get to hold your hand again. 

“I’m sorry. It-It wasn’t fair. It..It’s not fair.” Carmen squeezed your hand, shaking his head lightly. “You didn’t… I don’t know how to say how much you mean to me.” Carmen looked at you, eyes glassy, red rimmed with tears that gathered at his water line. 

“I, uh, I-I tried to- Well, Richie’s thera- my therapist told me to, uh, to try an-and write out what I wanted to say to you. Take time and reflect and give it to you, but I, uh, I was up all night because I kept starting over.” Carmen rambled on. 

“Everything I was tryna write it just… it didn’t feel like enough. It didn’t do you justice.” Carmen looked up at you, thumb brushing over your knuckle gently. “I felt like it just wasn’t enough. They’re aren’t any words to describe you. To…To describe what you mean to me, an-and how much I love you.” 

You swallowed back a sob, looking into his eyes. An intensity you hadn’t seen since he said his vows, maybe more now. “I-I love you so much, and… and I don’t deserve you. I don’t fucking deserve you.” Carmen choked out, a sob slipping out between his confessions. 

“I-I’m a fuckin’ loser, an-and a psycho, and I-I’m a shitty dad and husband…And I-I’m fucked up, and you-you chose to love me anyways. An-And to marry me, and have a kid with me- start a family with me. And what do I do? I fuck it up, and I don’t deserve you. I never have, an-and I never will.” Carmen rambled, tears sliding down his cheeks freely, leaning towards you, shoulders stuttering with a choking of tears.

“Don’t say that.” You sniffle, shaking your head. “Don’t say that-” 

“-No, it’s true, it’s fuckin’ true-” 

“-No, it isn’t. Carmen, don’t say that.” You reach your free hand out, cupping his cheek across the table, thumb swiping over his cheek, wiping away a stray tear. You held him, feeling the heat in his cheeks, he turned into your touch, breath slowing. 

“You’re not a loser. You’re not a psycho. You’re not a bad dad, or-or a bad husband either.” You leaned forwards, closing in the gap between the two of you, the edge of the table digging into your stomach. “You made a mistake-” 

“-No, that’s-that’s- it’s worse than that. It’s so much fuckin’ worse than that. Don’t-” 

“-You made a mistake.” You said, firmer this time, cradling his cheek in your hand. 

Carmen took a breath, squeezing your hand in his, sniffing deep to keep his tears in. “I don’t… I don’t want to be like my parents.” He whispered, eyes rounding in a scared way. “I-I don’t want to fuck up you o-or Teddy or… I just don’t wanna end up like them. I wanna be different.” 

“You’re not gonna end up like them.” You shook your head softly. 

“No, I-I was actin’ just like them.” Carmen muttered. “Yellin’ at you a-and actin’ like a complete fuckin’ lunatic. Just like them, an-and I don’t wanna live like that.” 

“You won’t.” You reassured him gently, whispering across the table. He shook his head in protest. “Carm, listen to me. You’re… You’re not like them, ok?” 

You could feel Carmen start to shake, a trembling through his system that was a tell-tale sign of a panic attack. Your eyes scanned over the restaurant, filling up with the mid-afternoon rush. “Come on,” You nodded towards the door, pushing your chair back, hand still in his. “Let’s get some air.” 

Carmen didn’t argue, he wouldn’t- couldn’t even if he wanted to. Your hand in his, squeezing his gently, pulling him towards the car. Carmen pulled the keys out with shaky hands, unlocking the door. He reached for the passenger door, but you pulled the back door open instead, surprising him when you slipped in the backseat, nodding at him to follow you. You squeezed into the middle, Teddy’s car seat pressed to your back, Carmen pressed into your side, shutting the door.

“You’re not like them.” You broke the silence, turning yourself towards him. “You’re not.” 

Carmen leaned his head back against the seat, tears leaking out of his eyes. “You-You don’t have to do this, say that.” He shook his head. “I don’t deserve it.” 

“Carmen, you’re not like your parents.” You reached for his hand again. “The fact that you’re scared to be like them, scared and trying to stop it, that shows me you’re not like them.” 

Carmen’s chest stuttered, a hissing of a cry leaving his lungs. “You made a mistake.” You swallowed, your own heart aching. “But… But that doesn’t mean you’re as a whole a bad person. It just means you made a mistake, and if you learn from it and become better, then it’s ok. It’s a lesson learned.” 

Carmen nodded, eyes squeezing shut, tight like he was trying to keep everything in. “I just…I really fucking miss you.” Carmen admitted through a wobbly voice, eyes still closed. “I-I really miss you, and… and I want you to come home.” 

You shook your head, tears sliding down your cheeks. “I miss you too.” You whispered, squeezing his hand. “I missed you so much.” 

Carmen turned, arms wrapping around your body, pulling you tightly into him. His nose pressed into the top of your head, breathing in detergent that didn’t smell like what you used at home, shampoo, too. You held onto him, fingers digging into his shoulders, pushing him further and further into you until it felt like your bodies were meshing together, fusing into one. 

Whispered apologies shared through teary, wet sniffles filled the space. Carmen’s nose rubbing against yours, hesitating before he kissed you. You pulled him into you, finally soothing the aching longing that had built in your chest, your lips catching his, the two of you staying unmoving, wanting to feel the other. Clinging to each other, hands grabbing, lips parting, Carmen pressing you against the car seat, hand cradled on the back of your head. 

“I-I understand if you still don’t wanna come home.” Carmen muttered, breath hot over your cheek, nose rubbing against your skin. “But I really fuckin’ miss you.” 

“I miss you too.” You muttered, lips buzzing against his neck, tears hot and trickling onto the collar of his t-shirt. “I-I want to come home.” 

“A-Are you sure?” Carmen’s eyes lit up with hope, though he tried to hide it, the way he always did; too scared to let him get too excited, too hopeful because he always feared it would end. 

“Yeah,” You whispered, nodding gently, balling the back of his shirt between your fingers. 

“Yeah?” Carmen repeated, lips pressing together to keep his cry in, a different one this time. One of relief. For the first time in days, he felt like he could breathe, like his lungs weren’t constricting and on the brink of collapse. His mind didn’t race and cloud with delirious confusion. No, here and now, holding you, Carmen had clarity. 

The both of you stayed in the back of the car, holding the other, chest to chest until your heartbeat became the same, steady rhythm, matching the others. 

Carmen held your hand on the drive back, pressing wet kisses to your knuckles, trying to wipe his eyes of any tears. “Can’t let Pete see me cryin’ again.” He muttered. “That was a new fuckin’ low.” You had giggled softly, enough to have his heart fluttering. He’d never admit it out loud, not now, anyways, that he was thankful for Pete. How he’d taken care of you, of Teddy, of Anchovy. He’d stuck up for you, even if it was against Carmen, and that meant the world to Carmen. 

Pulling into Sugar and Pete’s house, Carmen shoved the gear shift into park, his hand still in yours, both of you sitting in each other's company for a minute longer. Just a little bit longer the two of you, before you had to face the others. 

“Oh, uh, one more thing.” Carmen’s thumb ran over your knuckles before he let go of your hand for a moment, raising up in the seat to dig into the front pocket of his jeans. 

“I, uh, I brought your rings back.” Carmen’s voice dropped, a shake in his words that matched the shake in his hands, pinching your wedding band and ring in between his fingers. 

You swallowed at the sight, Carmen holding the ring between his fingers, it took you back to years before when he’d proposed. Nearly as nervous as he was now, just as shaky, but for a different reason. 

“You don’t have to put them on or anything. I don’t- I’m not tryna make you do that, it’s your choice, obviously. I just,” Carmen took a breath, looking at you. “I thought you might want them back.” 

You paused for a moment, looking at the rings, the sting of the last time you saw them still burning and aching in your chest, but this time, it wasn’t as crushing. It was more of a dull ache, a tiredness that came with it instead of devastation. 

Reaching out, your fingertips tickled his palms, gathering the two rings in your hand. You looked at them, turning them over in your hands. “Thank you,” You mumbled, looking up at Carmen. He swallowed, giving a nod, trying to mask the hurt that you hadn’t put them back on- you didn’t miss it. 

“Do-” Your voice caught in your throat. “Will you put them back on?” You blinked at him, wide eyed, asking so sweet, Carmen thought his heart might give out entirely. 

You held the rings out towards him. “Will you put them back on for me? Please?” 

Carmen didn’t deserve you. The notion rang loud over and over in his head again, throat burning, welling up with tears. He didn’t deserve you. You were too good, too fuckin’ good for him. 

His hands trembled, holding yours and slipping the rings back onto your ring finger, back to their rightful place. Carmen twisted them, a deep breath of a sob that was threatening to break filling the space. His fingers intertwined with yours, free hand cupping your jaw, pulling you into a kiss over the console. 

Sugar looked out the window, peeking through the blinds. “What’re they doin’ out there?” Pete whispered behind her, like the two of you might hear them. “Do they look happy? Sad? You don’t think it went bad, do you? I mean, Carmen can be-” 

“-Pete,” Sugar snapped with a soft huff. “Look for yourself.” She moved, biting back a small grin. 

Pete slid in her place, pushing the blinds apart, sneakily looking out the side of them. He could see the two of you in the car, Carmen’s hands on the back of your head, holding you while you leaned across the console in a deep, passionate kiss. 

“Well, lookie there.” Pete grinned, letting the blinds fall. “I guess there was a happy ending after all.” 

Sugar rolled her eyes, lips twitching in a small smile. “He still has a lot to make up for. I hope she didn’t let him off the hook too easily.” She grumbled, crossing her arms. “But I am glad they made up. I would kill Carmen if he fucked things up with my favorite sister-in-law.” 

Pete let out a small laugh, looking out the window again. “The kids are gonna miss Teddy and Anchovy when they go back. MJ’s gonna be devastated they’re taking them.” Pete muttered, Sugar nodded. 

Pete paused for a moment, looking behind him with a soft frown. “Y’know, this is gonna sound crazy, Nat, but I’ll be kinda glad when Anchovy is gone.” Pete admitted in a hushed tone, like Anchovy might hear him. 

Sugar snorted lightly. “Yeah. Except MJ and Maggie will be begging for a cat of their own. They’ve already started and I told them-” 

“-No, I mean,” Pete turned, watching the orange cat slink around at the top of the stairs, Anchovy glaring down at Pete before disappearing to the guest room. “I don’t think that cat likes me.”

[finsplurtz]

Hey gay make more izuku midoriya x top male reader😘

-love anon

— i love that u said hey gay bc I LOVE IZUKU MIDORYTA

a challenge — izuku.midoriya

— dom ! male.reader x sub ! Izuku Midoriya

— contents : pro hero Deku gets fucked before work , u make him walk around at work with dick up his ass and watch him struggle , no condom gng! , lots of cum and :3

warnings : semi public..sex?

✩°｡ ⋆⸜ 🎧✮

Tormenting pro hero deku

Just before work started you were blowing his back out like crazy like you had his back arching and he was shaking like crazy as he came ughhh cutie alert

you were running out of time so you guys fucked raw which was…..normal sorta you guys occasionally used condoms when you didn’t want things to get messy but this time you didn’t

when izuku knew u were abt to nut he started to nudge you away and tell you to pull out and his cute face was making things harder for you so whatever.

you shoved his face into the mattress and he felt your big dick twitch in him as you let your load coat his walls and he whined very breathlessly in response

“Yn i t..told you not to..now I have..to..to clean it” he reached his hand over to his hole and spread it making you flush seeing your cum drip down his legs

“ah- let’s uhm…” you panic looking for a napkin or something, izukus just whining and whimpering on the bed, his face still pressed against the bedsheets. He jolted up feeling your fingers enter him

“no more yn…..~”

“relax ill get it out for you” you’re digging it out and go to look for more napkins and you come across a silicon penis lol! Dildo.

you smile to yourself and go back to your cute boyfriend who was holding himself up on his elbow while he tried getting the cum out himself.

“no izuk baby I told you I’d do it..” you get on the bed and crawl over to him grabbing him by the neck and pulling him into a deep kiss, he’s letting out small moans in the kiss, his hands holding onto your buff arms

he feels you prod something against his hole and he tried to pull away or take a peak at whatever you were doing when suddenly he moaned loudly and bit your lip when you pushed the toy into him.

“augh—! y..n..?” he choked back a moan and looked down to see his hole plunged by a glossy green dildo hehehe

he looked up at you and saw your bleeding lip

“yn we have to go to wor— hnngm~ sto..p..” you fuck him with the toy for a bit before just nuzzling it deep in him and helping him put his briefs on.

“yn what are you doing…”

“take this as a challenge, yeah? see if you can go the whole day at work with this thing deep inside you…” you kiss the corner of his lips and pick him up and off the bed. You place him over your shoulder and start looking for his pants while he groans but doesn’t fight it

You put his pants on and help him get ready while he’s holding into you like it was the last time

Once he was ready you stepped back to look at him, his legs still trembled ever so slightly and he was struggling to even stay still

“yn I don’t think I can…this is…w..weird..”

“sure you can hon, we work together today so…I’ll keep an eye on you, cmon walk” you grab your stuff and urge him to follow and he’s pretty…slow…

taking a couple steps before having to stop in the middle for a bit. You scoff and call him a drama queen before swiftly picking him up and taking him to the car yourself.

the whole day you would stand behind him or hug him from behind just to push the dildo further into him making him shudder underneath you. you would ask him if he was okay in front of people just to mess with him and tell him to sit down, only to push him down on the seat roughly earning a quiet moan from the smaller.

by the end of the day he would be a trembling mess, he wouldn’t be able to even speak to anyone without fucking up some words so you spoke for him.

he would tug on your shirt and you’d lean down to hear him better, “can we..g-go to..the bathroom ple…please…” he said in a whisper. He sounded so desperate and cute you just couldn’t say no so of course you took him into a stall and kissed the shit outta him

“hurts..it hurts yn..” izuku cried quietly, you dipped your hands into his pants and held onto the end of the dildo starting to slowly glide it in and out while comforting him.

“it’s okay baby…you did really good today..nobody caught on surprisingly. After this we can go home and take a nice bath, yeah? Really get you cleaned up..” you held back a smirk watching him lean his head onto your chest and arch his back, small moans leaving his pretty mouth as you fucked him slowly.

“got that baby..?” he’d only nod shakily and grip your shirt tighter.

small tears stream down his face as he feels himself get closer to coming, you notice and stop the movement and take your hand out. He whimpers in annoyance and looks up at you with a small glare.

“see if you can hold it a tad bit longer hon, I mean we can’t make a mess in these clean clean stalls now, can we?” he was going to give you a sly remark but none came to him head, he let out a shaky breath and led him out.

he couldn’t last long, you noticed he was sorta crying in the car and squirming on his seat, you felt bad so you helped him by jerking him off in the car, he was extremely noisy and needy the whole time, he came all over your hand with a shaky moan and you swore that fucker was gonna pass out in your car

you carried him back home and before plopping him in the shower, you decided to just go one round with him and boy was he talkative tonight.

“ack- fuck!! ugh..~ fuck me h-hardeeer..” he was seriously out it, his shyness was obliterated and he was seeing stars.

he was dead asleep when you were bathing him, you washed him squeaky clean, he looked so peaceful all cuddled up to you in bed.

the next morning he couldn’t even stand up, tumbling down if he tried. He scolded you and now has punished you by making you wear condoms every time you guys do it for the next 6 months.

he couldn’t even go 2 weeks without fucking raw tho

a/n: this green fuck is all i think abt ALSO IM ABT TO HIT 1K I WILL NUT ON YALL🙏🙏

[evansbby]

an update from me :)

hey everyone, i know i haven’t been very active on here lately. and the reason is because a lot of things in my life have changed. i’ve been debating even sharing this but i feel like i’m in a good enough position to be okay with sharing it.

so these past two years, i had been super active on here (late 2022- early 24) and that was because, well, I didn’t really have anything else. that’s because I had graduated in 2022 and then i just couldn’t find a job in my field. like so many other recent graduates, it was just so hard and tough and it really made me lose all faith in myself.

i found myself to be in the worst mental state i had ever been. I cut myself off from my friends, felt like a burden towards my family, was having meltdowns and panic attacks almost daily, even started eating unhealthily and was just overall in a very bad place.

HOWEVER, i always felt like I could come on tumblr and that’s why i was so active and writing all these stories because honestly, they were almost like a crutch to me. like the ONE thing i had to look forward to in life during those times was the feedback I’d get when i posted a fic, and honestly it’s what kept me going. like i swear to god, on some days this blog and community was the only thing that i had to look forward to and keep me going, and writing felt like such a huge escape.

because i felt so USELESS. like i was wasting my life and not making any money or being able to kickstart my career after uni, and that it would be like this forever, so when I was writing it actually felt like I was doing something with a purpose. honestly on some days I would literally wake up early and go sit in Starbucks all day just writing my fics like i was cosplaying working or something just so I’d have a purpose. (I don’t go to Starbucks anymore lol boycott)

anyways, i never shared this on tumblr these past few years bc you guys don’t understand what a failure i felt like. i would sometimes get asks on here asking what i did for a job and I’d feel so embarrassed of my current state of being unable to find a job when it felt like everyone else who had graduated with me had one and obtained one so easily. like i felt ASHAMED.

i remember once i got an ask asking what my job was and I just said “fashion marketing” bc that was one of the things i wanted to do and id done an internship in that field so i just put that but it was a LIE i was unemployed and the most depressed ive been in my whole life but I thought maybe i could manifest it.

ANYWAYS, and you’ve probably already guessed it, but the reason I’m not so active anymore is because I did eventually find a job. a really good one that I’m enjoying so much and I’m so happy at. Finally, I’m feeling like myself again, like I’m living that life in London as a twenty something that I’d see everyone on tiktok living!! Like I’m finally just having fun, going out with friends, being active, having money to spend on fun things etc.

and it feels so surreal and crazy because when i was depressed and jobless, it made me doubt myself so much. Like the constant rejections and failed interviews made me doubt myself and lowered my self esteem so much and I thought I’d NEVER achieve this life that i have now! And I don’t want to jinx it but I literally thank God every day for finally granting me this because I really feel like I would’ve gotten worse and worse and IDEK.

But back to the main point, and so because of my new job I just don’t have that much time for tumblr anymore. But this isn’t a goodbye post… not at all! I find that when I’m super busy in life is also when I get the most motivated to write! Like for example in summer 2022 I was on here so much and that was the summer I had the most fun, was the most busy. I think when I’m busy in life, I get motivated to write.

Which I believe is the case right now, because I’m SO motivated to complete all my stories, I keep thinking about them and writing them slowly, so please don’t think anything is abandoned! I just wanted to make this post to be more transparent about what’s been going on in my life and what had been going on these past two years. That maybe someone else going through something similar can see that eventually, everything does work out.

Anddd I don’t really know how to end this. I just want to say, yall don’t understand just how thankful I am for having this blog, this platform, to write my stories. For having you guys. Because who knows how much worse my mental state would’ve been these past two years when I didn’t have ANYTHING else going for me, if I hadn’t had this blog it would’ve been so much worse.

Thank you so much for believing in me and enjoying my stories and always always letting me know how much you enjoy them. And I’ll say the truth; I know everyone says that engagement on tumblr has been bad lately but I can say that bc of you guys I have literally never EVER had this issue. And that’s not me being big headed, that’s just the truth and it makes me so happy and grateful. Yall always came through for me and still do now! Every time I think my fic is going to flop, you guys come through for me. I appreciate it so much. You guys have no idea how much you helped me when I was at my lowest. And continue to.

Many thanks

Me 🩷🩷🫶🏼🫶🏼

[childrenofcain-if]

I just imagine M and Mc hiding their relationship. But Mc is tired of hiding their relationship.

So M mom came to visit. But they see Mc with them like in the library and their mom asked who Mc is. But M says it just a classmate. So Mc just gets up and leaves bc they are upset and tired of hiding it from everyone.

I love angst but also happy endings lol 😅

the library’s quietness made every sound feel amplified: the scrape of a chair leg against the wood, the rustle of paper, the soft thunk of a book closing. outside, the rain fell in a misty drizzle, greying out the world beyond the arched windows. inside, the air smelled like varnished oak and old pages—warm and slightly bitter, like nostalgia and lost time.

you were sitting across from M at a heavy oak table, your chair tilted back, your arms crossed, watching them skim through their textbook with the air of someone who could afford to procrastinate with little to no repercussions.

their white cotton button-up looked softer than it had any right to be, and their voice carried the crisp, posh edge that always made your chest feel simultaneously lighter and heavier.

you were talking about nothing too important. a class project, the weather, the coffee at the campus café—whatever you could use to fill the space between the silence and everything you weren’t saying. you’d gotten good at filling silences like that. M wasn’t the kind of person who left much unsaid unless it mattered. when it mattered, the silences stretched on forever.

the silence was broken this time by the sound of quiet, deliberate footsteps broke the hush of the library. both of you turned as a tall, elegant woman approached; her head wrapped in a patterned scarf which hid her light brown hair, sunglasses perched on her nose like a spy in an old movie.

M’s posture seemed to get even more rigid, their breath catching audibly. “mother.”

crown princess victoria? what was she even doing at yale?

as if hearing your thoughts, her eyes snapped to the table you were sitting on. you saw a faint smile curling up her lips before she made a beeline for you two.

“i assumed you’d be here,” she said, her voice as gentle as it was straightforward. her accent was even more posh than M’s, her vowels clipped just enough to be distinctly aristocratic, but her tone was warm. “how are you doing, max?”

“fine,” M manages through gritted teeth, clearly feeling suddenly cornered.

the crown princess glanced at you, her gaze assessing but not unkind. “and who might you be, dear?”

M froze. you could see the cogs turning in their mind, the panic setting in behind their composed front. you knew it before they even said it.

god, you did know them a little too much.

“just a classmate,” they said too quickly, too stiffly. “we were just working on an assignment.”

just a classmate.

the words landed like a slap and for a second, you just sat there and you stared at them. at the way their fingers curled into tight fists on the table. at the way their voice trembled just enough to sound like breaking glass.

you were waiting for them to take it back, your eyes practically imploring as you looked at their rigid figure.

they didn’t.

“right,” you said, your voice colder than you meant it to be. the room felt too small, the air too chilling. “i think you can finish the rest of ‘assignment’ on your own.”

M’s eyes flicked to you, umber brown eyes wide and pleading, but you were already standing, shoving your chair back with a scrape that cut through the library’s silence like the crack of a whip. you couldn’t look at them anymore. you couldn’t stay.

“excuse me,” you muttered, and before either of them could say another word, you were gone.

***

you didn’t go far. the courtyard was empty, the rain now just a faint mist clinging to your skin. you sat on the low stone wall that bordered the garden, staring at the grey sky. the cold seeped into your clothes, but you didn’t care. it was better than the heat that had been rising in your chest, the burn of humiliation and hurt.

you weren’t actually mad at M. not really. or maybe you were, but not in the way you should have been. what hurt wasn’t the lie—it was the fact that it wasn’t surprising.

see, there were many different ways you could kill someone you love. the slowest one was to not love them enough.

not loving you enough to be open about you. not loving you enough to be truthful about you. not loving you enough to love you without secrets.

you’d known what you were getting into when you fell for M, with all their responsibilities and their protocol and their impossible life. you’d known, but you’d let yourself hope anyway.

you shouldn’t have. hope has always been a dangerous thing for you to have.

***

inside the library, victoria turned to her second-born, one perfectly sculpted brow arched.

“max, darling,” their mother called out softly.

M didn’t respond, their gaze fixed on the door you’d disappeared through.

“max,” she said again, more firmly this time.

“what?” they turned sharply, their voice sharper still, though the anger wasn’t directed at her. it was directed at themself, at their stupid, cowardly mouth and the way they’d let the words spill out like oil on water.

“just a classmate?” she repeated lightly, her tone mild but pointed.

M avoided her hazel gaze, staring down at their hands as if they might find an escape route in the folds of their sleeves.

“it’s... complicated,” they finally said, their voice low.

victoria hummed, a sound that managed to be both understanding and disapproving.

“darling,” she said after a moment, her voice softer now, “i know that look in your eyes. it’s the same one your father had when he looked at me.”

M’s head snapped up, their eyes communicating their surprise. “mother, i—”

“you love them, don’t you?”

M recoiled as though she’d struck them.

“i—no—” they started, but the words caught, crumbled.

they couldn’t deny it, at least not completely. their hands clenched into fists on the table, their knuckles white.

victoria’s voice was gentle as she spoke up again, but there was steel beneath it. “i know what it’s like to love someone who doesn’t fit the mold, someone the world says you shouldn’t love. you know your father wasn’t born into this world of titles and palaces. do you think i didn’t face the same choice you’re facing now?”

M swallowed hard, their throat working against the lump rising there. “it’s not that simple.”

“no,” victoria agreed. “it’s not. it never is. but the important question is, what are you going to do about it?”

M lifted their gaze to look at her and they saw it. the quiet rebellion in her gaze, the echoes of every choice she’d made to be where she was now. they would feel the presence of it around her most of the time, but this time it seemed almost amplified.

she reached out, covering their hand with hers. “go after them, darling. don’t let fear ruin what you’ve found. if it’s worth it—and it is—you fight for it. and i promise i’ll fight with you, when the time comes.”

***

you heard the footsteps before you saw them, quick and unsteady on the wet pavement. M appeared, breathless, their hair damp from the mist. they looked disheveled in a way that was wholly unfamiliar, their usual gracefulness replaced by something akin to desperation.

“i’m sorry,” they said, their voice breaking the moment they reached you. “i’m so sorry.”

you didn’t look at them. “for what? for lying to your mother? or for pretending i don’t really matter?”

“for all of it,” M said, their voice heavy with guilt. “for being a coward. for making you feel like i’m ashamed of you.”

you turned to face them, your arms crossed tightly over your chest. “and are you?”

“no.” the word came out with more force than you expected. M stepped closer, their umber brown eyes searching yours. “never. you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“i’ve been so afraid,” M admitted, hands clenching at their sides. “of losing you. of what my family would think. of the world tearing us apart. but i was wrong. i realize that keeping us a secret was hurting you even more.”

“i can’t keep doing this, M,” you said quietly. “i can’t keep feeling like i’m a secret to be kept forever.”

“you’re not a secret,” M said, stepping closer still. their hand brushed yours, tentative and warm. “you’re an oath. something i swore to protect, not hide. and i promise you, that’s going to change. my mother knows now, and soon, everyone else will too. i won’t let anyone take this away from us. from you.”

you searched their face, looking for cracks in their resolve, but all you saw was sincerity. slowly, you nodded, the tension in your chest loosening just slightly.

“all right,” you said softly.

M’s shoulders sagged with relief, and they took your hand, their grip firm and grounding. “thank you, meri jaan. i won’t let you down.”

you gave them a faint smile, your heart still aching but just a little lighter as you pressed a chaste kiss to their cheek.

“so,” you said after a moment, your voice tinged with wry humor, “am i supposed to meet your mother now?”

the corner of M’s lips quirked into a faint, shy smile. so unlike them, but it was endearing all the same. “if you’re up for it.”

you raised an eyebrow. “shouldn’t i be a little concerned about the fact that the crown princess of england is wandering around without bodyguards?”

“oh they’re here alright,” they said, their tone dry but also tinged with suppressed laughter. “they’re just good at being invisible. and besides, do you really think americans would recognize her under those sunglasses and all those scarves?”

you laughed then, soft and warm, and to M, it felt like the sun breaking through the clouds after a rainy day.

[paranoiddreams]

Sukuna the secret softie (HC)

Sukuna is a powerful curse, and a merciless king. So when he starts to fall in love, he feels terrified, which in turn makes him even more terrified. Could he feel such emotions before?

Heian era!Sukuna x fem!reader

Warnings! - the slightest big suggestive lolz, fluff that makes my heart bleed :), Sukuna is emotionally constipated :P, kinda short :/

A/n! - This is my first time posting for jjk so pls be nice lol. I haven’t finished the anime/manga so this might be a lil ooc, but who cares😗. Anyways, I’m going crazy I need him :333!!!1!11!

- He’s secretly such a softie

- He is clingy, and touch starved, and probably doesn’t often have feelings for women past lust.

- But then he meets y/n and everything changes in an instant

- He easily makes her blush, and go silent, and yet he’ll feel his cursed heart twitch a little everytime :3

- Laughs a lot, because he’s actually a humorous guy!! Even if some, or most, people don’t find his humor…humor.

- And have you heard his laugh omfg it makes me wanna cu—

- Will make y/n shy on purpose, but is just as easily flustered by her.

- He doesn’t blush (he’s dead, therefore no blood flow for big papa) but he does have telltale signs that he’s a big flustered mess

- If he’s in his true form (yk with the four arms n shit) he’ll unconscious wrap the lower set around his waist and turn away with an ‘angry’ expression

- In reality, y/n probably just smiled at him, or said his hair looked cute that day, and he was in shambles.

- At first, Sukuna denies denies denies his feelings for y/n

- But then when she starts coming around more, and he starts learning more about her personality, it gets harder and harder to just pretend away his awfully human-like feelings

- It made him feel stupid

- And that’s what he told y/n when he confessed during a heated moment of panic

- They were in the village, looking around the farmers market for fresh food. Of course, since he’s da king🙌🏼👑, they give him, and the lady by his side, everything for free.

- But Sukuna being Sukuna, he didn’t want to be perceived as broke in front of his GIRL

- EVEN IF HE DENIES THAT SHES HIS GIRL OUT OF FEAR!

- So he turned to pay for everything with an extra tip (just for y/n bc she’s watching), but when he turned back she wasn’t there anymore

- The crowd swelled, and the King of Curses was hit with the realization that she could’ve been swept up into the bustling weekend rush, or an enemy from far lands has come to take the only person he’s ever been close with after death.

- He demanded that everyone halt with a deep, commanding voice, and of course they did as he said.

- He could hear a pin drop, it was so quiet.

- But then, he saw y/n and her adorable doe eyes looking up at him with confusion.

- When everyone went back to normal he was rendered speechless. If this was anyone else, he would’ve killed them.

- But when she whispers a little:

- “You okay, Kuna?”

- All of his fear and anger melts away.

- “No because I care for you, and it’s terrifying.”

- He doesn’t even know why he said that, so suddenly too, but that fear of losing y/n was paralyzing—even if it was just for a second.

- But by the end of the day, Sukuna was glad he admitted it, because it felt like a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders.

- From that moment on he and y/n were, if it was even possible, even more inseparable.

- It was safe to say that that was the day y/n because Sukuna’s official Queen, and he her king<3

DISCLAIMER!! I do not own any characters from the Anime/Manga Jujutsu Kaisen. This is purely written for entertainment purposes.

[bi--tboy]

Friendly Fraternization- 141 x FtM!Reader Part 3 Inside and Out with Gaz

Gaz and Reader learn more about each other and themselves, inside and out

This took me a little bit longer bc I got worried my writing was shit midway lol but I like how it turned out. Enjoy!

“what about trans men?” Gaz asked unprompted as he slid into the seat across from you in the cafeteria. You nearly choked in surprise.

“huh??”

“I mean! You said anal” he whispered, like any soldier had prudish decorum, “was no different with guys and girls! But what about trans guys? They have pussies too but if you have sex with them, it’s gay.”

“Okay, fair, true,” at least you now knew the man’s an ally. Crass, but an ally. “But trans guys’ junk changes. It’s not really the same. Ass is ass, though.”

Gaz looked genuinely curious. “Different?”

“Yeah, on testosterone our clits get bigger and are called t-dicks. We can get tighter, too, and orgasms feel different.”

“…we?” Gaz asked, eyes filling with understanding. Holy shit. You just accidentally came out, again, and it was while explaining your genitals. You might as well pack up your things now. Gaz must’ve seen the panic setting into your face because he raised his hands assuredly.

“It’s alright, mate! My brother-in-law is a trans guy. He’s explained a lot to me, he’s just left that part out,” Gaz tried to lighten the mood, but got serious when you looked like you were still searching for the nearest exit. “I’m not going to tell anyone, I promise. We don’t have to acknowledge this happened, alright?” He offered sincerely. You sighed and nodded. It’s not like you had much of a choice but to trust him. Losing your appetite, you told Gaz you’d catch him later and left the cafeteria. A jog should clear your mind.

The rest of the day went easy. Gaz was truthful, your secret stayed safe with him. You and the 141 had even went out drinking again, and luckily nothing personal was revealed this time. You were still treated as one of the guys; though, Soap had definitely become more friendly with you since that night in the gym. Gaz had also began opening up to you more. You figured he was trying to make up for accidentally outing you by sharing more about himself so you wouldn’t feel as vulnerable. You had to admit, it helped. In time the three of you became quite close.

One day you and Gaz were paired together for sniping practice. You laid in the grass with your rifle, locked onto the practice enemies as Gaz sat close by, telling you how far to aim to hit your target. As you reloaded, you felt like you were being stared at. You turned and had your suspicions confirmed; Gaz was staring right at your ass. You called his name and broke him out of whatever trance he was under.

“Can I help you?”

“No, no, sorry. You just, those pants look good on you.”

You knew it; there was no reason for Gaz to have initiated that conversation about trans guys if he hadn’t thinking about what you said that night at the bar a lot. You started to wonder how long these guys have been waiting to experiment. Clearly it didn’t take much to get the ball rolling. You shifted your weight to give Gaz a better view.

“That’s why I wear them. You ready to focus now?” you teased. If you looked over your shoulder and swayed your hips- no you didn’t.

“Yeah, let me just get into position,” Gaz quietly shuffled until he was straddling your legs, his bulge grazing your ass. He was bold. You liked that.

“Is this position necessary?” you pretended to be annoyed, though you wiggled backwards ever so slightly.

“Yeah, mate. What if we had to snipe between two narrow walls and I had to be on top of you? Never know what war might bring,” Gaz brought his binoculars back to his eyes and began calling out shots again. Despite the obvious distraction, you two still nailed practice, maybe even better than before. When you managed a perfect headshot, Gaz hummed.

“Good boy,” he murmured, bringing his hand to your waist affectionately.

You scoffed, hiding how you felt your dick throb. “Which head are you thinking with, Garrick?”

“Both of them,” He leaned down to whisper, “Reckon I understand what you meant about ass, now. Once you shower after practice, I’ll be in my room. You should stop by.” Gaz rolled his hips making you gasp.

You don’t remember the last time you showered so meticulously- ensuring every inch of you was washed, inside and out. You decided to prep yourself a bit with your fingers just to be safe before making your way to Gaz’s room. You gave his door a confident knock and strutted in when he invited you. He must’ve also just finished up showering, his toned torso bare and decorated with sparse droplets that caught the light. His joggers were slung low on his waist, showing off his v-line. When you met his eyes again, you noticed his face had a dewy, post-skincare glow. Fuck, he is fine.

“Glad you came,” he spoke in a rumbling, soft voice as he reached out to caress your arm.

“This won’t be the only time I cum tonight, I hope,” you joked as you pulled him closer.

“Absolutely not,” Gaz brought you to the bed, nosing your jawline and kissing your neck. “I always make sure my partners get theirs. Army stamina comes in handy.” He laughed gently, blowing warm air on your sensitive skin and making you shiver.

“Let’s see if you can live up to your words, pretty boy,” you challenged as you guided his lips to yours. You had both dressed with the intention of undressing soon, so it didn’t take much for you to both be naked and making out under the covers. When you felt Gaz firming up against your core, you broke the kiss.

“Towel, lube, condoms.” You ordered. Gaz nodded, looking like a loyal puppy as he climbed out of bed to gather the supplies. His obedience sparked something in you, compelling you to ask,

“Do you like being told what to do in the bedroom?”

“It certainly helps,” Gaz offered as he began laying the towel down. “I wouldn’t call myself a submissive, but it’s nice to let someone else call the shots sometimes so I don’t have to think. Might be nice to follow orders tonight,” he looked away shyly, but you had heard exactly what you were hoping for. You nodded and pulled him in for another kiss as he tumbled into bed and on top of you.

“I want you to suck my dick as you finger me open.” Even just saying it to Gaz made your dick throb more. Gaz wasn’t any better, moaning at your words.

 He began to make his way down your body, kissing and groping. He admired your top surgery scars with his fingers, then his tongue. Even though there was diminished sensation, seeing him love on your proudest scars caused your nipples to pebble, which he also played with. When he reached your parted legs, Gaz stroked from your knees to the apex of your thighs with his fingertips. He lubed his fingers and pulled back the fat around your dick so he could get a better view. He let out a whistle when he saw your erect length.

“You weren’t kidding about it getting bigger. Fuck, that’s sexy. Looks like it’s made to be sucked on,” He dove in before you could respond, enveloping you in his warm mouth. Though you quickly realized he was trying to get you off as if he was eating a girl out. You placed one hand on his head, the other hand resting behind your head.

You guided his head to start bobbing. “Suck it like you’re smoking a cigarette. Just a different type of fag,” you laughed at your own joke and heard Kyle huff, giving you a tickle. Once he had the rhythm, he began to pet your asshole with his finger, gently relaxing the muscles and slowly pushing in.

“You’re doing so well,” you pushed his head back a bit so you could hold your dick, his fingers still working to scissor you open. Between your fingers, you could tell you had gotten much bigger, and harder. “I want you to make me cum before you fuck me. See this?” you slowly swirled one finger on the head of your cock. “It’s my tip, and it’s the most sensitive. You’re going to keep doing what you were before, while rubbing this part with your tongue. Flick it, go in circles, write the alphabet, whatever. Just don’t go too hard right off the bat, because I’ll end up kicking you,” you weren’t really joking but Kyle wasn’t scared. He found his place between your legs once more and got back to work. Clearly, he wasn’t just a fast learner on the battlefield. His tongue moved so intricately it was hard for you to stay focused. You ground your hips into his face as he pushed in another finger, and trying squirming away when he rapidly flicked the side of your tip. He pinned you down with his free arm and licked the length of your dick to settle you, but once you were in his hold he went back to driving you crazy. His fingers picked up speed as he gave your dick everything he had. You announced your impending climax and told him not to change anything he was doing, which he followed enthusiastically. Your orgasm crested, making you both moan. Gaz licked down to drink your cum and spread the fingers inside you as far as he could. You groaned. Gaz made his way back up your body and resting by your ear.

“You ready for me, baby?” The pet name flowed effortlessly, and your stomach flipped instinctually.

You nodded excitedly. “Let me put your condom on, baby.” You were more intentional with calling Gaz “baby” than he had been, and to your surprise, he just smiled and nodded. But you weren’t against a little romance in your hookups; he was about to literally be inside your body, so letting a little affection slide didn’t seem that big of a deal. He handed you the foil square and sat back against the headboard, welcoming you into his arms. You tore into the wrapping and smoothly rolled the rubber onto Kyle, giving him a tug and squeeze after for good measure and reveling in his reaction.

You pecked his cheek and straddled him, his hands coming to your sides for added stability. You grasped him again as you began to lower yourself, his dick filling you with a unique pressure. You could feel your heartbeat in your rim as he explored your depths, rolling your hips to take more of his length. You both gasped when you managed to sit with him fully inside. You gave him a knowing smirk as you began to bounce, tired of all the foreplay. His grip tightened as he tried not to buck, loving what you were giving him. His eyelids fluttered, the desire to close in ecstasy battling with his need to see the man making him feel so good. You felt your legs getting tired; you wondered which would happen first, your legs giving out or Kyle releasing in you. You quickly found your answer.

“Please,” Gaz panted, “please let me on top,” he was putty under you, but you knew behind those sweet begs was a promise to pound you. Who were you to deny such a sweet request? You dismounted him and laid on your stomach, letting him straddle you in a similar way to how he had been this afternoon, except this time he draped himself over your back, holding you to him with one hand and stroking your dick with the other. You moaned into the pillow, feeling all the force Gaz put behind every thrust. He wasn’t lying earlier about his stamina, and you were learning that through experience. He let loose as he grew closer, moaning wildly and grunting in your ear. He pushed as deep as he could into you and came, pushing you over the edge for the second time. He stayed on top of you a moment before kissing your shoulder and sliding out to remove the condom. You deflated on the bed trying to catch your breath. When Kyle returned, he handed you a glass of water and began massaging the tension out of your legs as you hummed.

“That was good.” You muttered.

“You’re better than any girl I’ve ever had.”

“It was. Though, I don’t think I agree with your original statement, ass is ass.”

“Oh? What did you decide?” You rolled over to face him. He had a stupid look on his face.

[vorfreudevortex]

a portrait of us - ten

a nanami x reader smau

masterlist

warnings: angst lol, slow burn, swearing, a little ooc, a typo or two

notes: 1.7k words and i'm NOT SORRY BC THEY FINALLY SPOKE TO EACH OTHER !!!!!

your trance was interrupted when the director placed a friendly hand on your shoulder. you managed to smile and hand him the microphone. his words were nothing but a murmur to you as your attention was turned back to the crowd to search for nanami. he had already disappeared.

with trembling and clammy hands, you smoothed down your dress. your heart hammered in your chest, your throat felt constricted, and waves of goosebumps coursed over your flushed skin. your mind spun, but there was no doubt: the man in the crowd was the nanami kento.

you were fully convinced he would not be here. did satoru lie to you? did nanami lie to satoru? or were you foolish to think that he wouldn’t come? is he trying to get under your skin, get a little revenge, unravel tonight’s perfectly woven threads?

no, he wouldn’t do that, you thought to yourself. but maybe he would… you don’t know him anymore.

you needed to get the fuck out of here, immediately.

so, that’s what you did. you fled to the restrooms, thanking the universe that they were separately stalled rooms so you could panic alone in the comfort of your own anxiety. after ten minutes, satoru and shoko pounded on the door.

“girl,” satoru called from the other side. “if you don’t let us in right now-”

“-satoru!” you pleaded. “i'm peeing! leave me alone.”

“like i give a fuck,” he retorted, and suddenly the lock on the door clicked and it flung wide open. he scoffed upon seeing you, fully dressed and definitely not on the toilet. “i knew you weren’t actually peeing.”

“oh my god,” you muttered, burying your teary face into your hands. “and what if i was?!”

“you’re forgetting that we all went to high school together,” shoko pointed out. “i've seen every part of you, girl.”

“jesus- just close the door,” you huffed. the pair quickly shuffled in and shoko locked the door once more.

“why are you crying?” satoru asked, his expression softening. “those paintings are amazing! i can’t believe you didn’t tell us about them before.”

“he’s right, you shouldn’t be crying because everyone was marveling over how incredible they all were,” shoko added, dampening a paper towel to help clean your makeup. “you made me look so beautiful that people were approaching mewith checks and offers.”

“checks and offers?” you echoed as shoko gently blotted your cheeks.

“as soon as the speeches were finished some guy in front of me turned around, looked me over, then wrote a check for fifty million yen and told me he wanted my painting shipped out tomorrow.”

"fi... fifty?” you sat down heavily on the sink and started sobbing once more.

“oh my, you’re a mess,” mumbled satoru. “just tell us what’s wrong with you, already. it’s clearly not the paintings.”

you tearfully looked up, first meeting shoko's gaze, then satoru's. shoko looked at you expectantly, damp paper towel in one hand, the other on her hip. satoru crossed his arms.

“…don’t tell me you guys didn’t notice nanami was here.”

shoko glanced at satoru, who pressed his lips into a thin line before shrugging and chuckling.

“this isn’t funny,” you pouted. “seriously, you told me he wasn’t coming so it scared the hell out of me when i saw him!”

“we didn’t know he was coming either. we only felt him when he showed up during the speeches.” said shoko.

“i didn’t think you would notice him, to be honest,” satoru admitted sheepishly. “you told me at lunch today that you didn’t notice cursed energy much anymore, so i thought if you didn’t see him then you wouldn’t sense him, either.”

you sniffled, wiping tears with the back of your hand, still slouched on the sink as you looked away.

“he seems so different.”

“well, he’s an adult now,” said satoru.

“did you think he’d keep that same god-awful haircut for over ten years, or what?” shoko teased.

you chuckled, a brief huff of air. “i mean, no… he’s just so tall now. i never thought i'd see him wear green in my life. i was never able to fully imagine him as a grown man until we locked eyes just now. it was just a bit… jarring?”

“are you going to go talk to him?” satoru asked.

“i don’t think i can.”

“well, you have five more days to figure it out,” shoko shrugged.

“be serious, he doesn’t want to see me.”

“you be serious!” complained satoru. “he’s obviously been thinking about you nonstop. he got a last minute outfit and haircut, drove over here, showed up late to your presentation, just to see you.”

“how do you know he got a last minute haircut and outfit?” you asked.

“because nanami would literally never wear that color unless he was trying to impress a fashionable young woman in the art scene. and i know he got a haircut for you because i just know.”

“that’s not proof,” you huffed, and shoko rolled her eyes at satoru.

“my six eyes never lie,” satoru smiled slyly. “but you need to get yourself together now and go back out there. the director has been looking for you and people want to buy your paintings. the night is almost over.”

“shoko, please help me fix myself,” you begged.

she nodded and satoru gently ruffled your hair.

“i'll leave you girls to it,” he smiled. “i don’t know anything about makeup anyways.”

“he’s still such a liar,” you said to shoko as she pumped more paper towels from the dispenser. “he picked out my dress and told me exactly what hair and makeup to put on.”

“i didn’t believe him for a second anyways,” she grinned.

“that’s not very nice,” satoru wagged a finger playfully as he opened the restroom door. “oh, and i wouldn’t stress too much. nanami already left, it seems. he was probably just as freaked out as you!”

he closed the door behind him as he giggled. 

———

“i'm terribly sorry, ma’am, but none of the paintings i revealed tonight are for sale,” you apologized. “are there any others on display that catch your eye?”

the woman clicked her tongue in disappointment. you nervously wrung your hands out behind your back. after shoko helped you fix your makeup, you spoke with four different buyers, all eager to purchase paintings of your classmates and had to settle with other pieces instead. but this buyer, the final one you would have the time to speak with this evening, was a very kind but important woman from malaysia. you had been introduced to her earlier in the night.

“i guess i'll just have to wait until you’re ready to part with them,” she smiled patiently. “but… how would you feel about displaying them in another gallery later this year?”

you locked eyes with her, and after a moment, let out a nervous laugh. “uh, what do you mean?”

“i didn’t mention it before because i didn’t want your opinion of me to be swayed,” she explained. “i'm the head art director and curator at the museum of contemporary art in kuantan, malaysia. after learning more about you and your work tonight, i'd like to speak with you more about possibly featuring you in a temporary gallery at my museum.”

“you… oh… wow. thank you so much,” you stammered, suddenly overwhelmed. “yes, i would love to. absolutely.”

“are you free for lunch tomorrow? i leave tomorrow evening but if you’re available, i'd like to carve out some more time to get to know you.”

“yes, i'm completely free. whatever time works for you.”

“incredible! i can’t wait. i'll get your contact information from the director, if it’s alright with you?”

“of course,” you smiled warmly. “thank you ma’am, i look forward to it.”

you shook hands with the woman and watched her leave, leaving you with a sense of disbelief. was any of this real?

you glanced around and noticed that many guests were beginning to leave. you saw satoru, shoko, and the students approaching you.

“we’d better head back for the evening,” smiled shoko as she gave you a hug. “i'll give you your boots back when you visit me before you leave.”

“onee-san, this was so cool! thank you for inviting us,” said yuji with an excited bow, the other students joining with polite smiles. “we took like, a billion pictures! but most of them are the ones that gojo-sensei forced me to take of him in front of his painting.”

“and you’re going to airdrop every single one of them to me when we get to the car,” satoru chimed in playfully. he stared at himself as you were all standing a few feet away from the paintings. “you know, you did a great job getting my handsome jawline just right.”

you laughed, and satoru turned to give you a warm embrace. “promise you’ll come visit us before you leave,” he said softly.

“of course i will,” you responded. "i'll text you.”

your classmates and their students thanked you, and you waved them off as they left. the exhibition hall, now almost empty, suddenly felt lonely and intimidating. you looked down at your feet, aching for standing in high heels for hours, and let out a long sigh of relief. reflecting on the evening, you didn’t know why you’d been so scared. the event had gone almost perfectly, and you were received much more warmly than you had anticipated.

you turned around to see the last of the loiterers out, but stopped where you were once you registered the sight before you.

just six feet in front of you was him.

he wasn’t looking at you; his gaze was fixed intently on the large portrait of the two of you in front of him. his posture was upright as always, but his shoulders seemed to slump with a weight that anchored him - a decade’s worth of longing memories. a bouquet of sunflowers dangled loosely in his hand. you stood rooted to the spot, convinced he had already left - satoru had assured you of that. but here he was, right before your eyes, and all other thoughts suddenly evaporated.

in that moment, nothing else existed but him.

he turned his head and gentle, coffee-brown eyes locked onto yours for the second time that evening. for three long moments, silence stretched between you. your heart pounded like a drum and your feet were cemented in place.

“nanami...” you finally managed to whisper, barely more than a breath.

he smiled softly with a slight tilt of his head. the nerves in your stomach fluttered wildly. his lips parted slowly before he spoke, his voice velvety and deep.

“it’s… been a while… hasn’t it?”

next: part eleven

tag list // @aporcelainphantom @bubybubsters @sad-darksoul @corvid007 @kenqki @ikon-teen @shhthisblogsasecret

© vorfreudevortex | all rights reserved. do not copy, translate, repost, or otherwise share my work.

[princessbrunette]

love ur blog SO much could scroll thru it for hours and hours <3

for jj (if you want!): dealer!jj and reader who has a crush on him comes to buy weed for the first time? in my head she smokes by herself, gets super high & then panics and comes back to jj’s and confesses LOL bc that would be some shit I would do!!!

thank u so much !! and yes,, i love this idea hehe ◝(ᵔᵕᵔ)◜ ‹𝟹

⊹ . ⁺ 🐰🎀⋅˚₊𐙚

the first half of your weed purchasing experience went fairly smoothly, well — as smoothly as it can for someone who has no idea what they’re talking about.

you’d shown up just a little after 4 in the prettiest skirt and your lashes extra long, coated in black. you couldn’t believe you’d worked up the courage to wind up buying weed from the guy you’d had a crush on since you were little (who seemed too chaotic to ever pay attention to little old you!) but it was soon you were stood in his house, having him talk you through each strain — and you had to try extra hard to focus because he looked so good and his hands were so big and —

“i’mma take a shot in the dark and say you’re fairly new to this right? in that case i’d prooobably suggest this, s’on the milder side, just chills you out a bunch.” he slides a packet towards you, eyes flickering up to you to catch you already looking at him.

“how’d you know i’m new to this?” you start digging in your purse for the wad of cash you brought to avoid looking at him.

“oh jus’ vibes.” he shrugs, smiling when you look back up at him, cash in hand. “its cute though, i dig it anyway.” he takes the notes from you and you swallow a love confession. “want me to roll it for you?”

he rolls the joints for you, and you try not to stare like a creep before you’re out the door in no time, breathing in the balmy late afternoon air and riding off on your bike to your empty house, family away for the weekend, to smoke your maybank special.

the second half of your experience, not so smooth.

you chaotically steer your little bike with a basket up to his house not even two hours later, paranoid and practically crashing the vehicle onto the grass as you hop off it, hands shaking at your side. jj, embarrassingly is already on the porch, stroking a stray cat with a cigarette in his mouth.

when he spots you frantically moving towards him he stands slowly, tossing the end of his cigarette aside. “ohhhh boy.” he speaks to himself like he knew what was coming.

“hey, hi, uhm.” you pant, violently struggling for breath as you clench and unclench your hands at your sides.

“you good?” he frowns, stepping towards you.

“i just— i’m so sorry to bother you but i — i smoked it alone for my first time and i don’t think i did it right or maybe it’s just reacting with me super bad and now i’m shaking and i feel really weird and i didn’t know who to go to — i— i just was wondering if there was a way to become un-high, cos i — i didn’t really wanna do it in the first place i just came to buy weed from you because i have this ridiculously huge crush on you and i thought hey what the hell—”

“heeeey, hey. breathe, okay? deep breath in girlie, look at me, right here.” he places his hands on your shoulders, face right infront of yours and for a moment you’re stunned. not only because you said all of that out loud, but because his hands were on you. “thats right, now breathe out.” he puffs his cheeks out, blowing out himself like he was encouraging a baby and you copy him, wide glassy eyes fixated on him like he was your life line.

“sorry.” you whisper and he smiles, adorable dimples indenting his cheeks.

“for what? come in, you look like you need some water.” he guides you inside his house, closing the door behind you as you try your best to stay calm. your brain felt slow and fast at the same time and all your nerve endings felt alight, constantly on the verge of a panic attack. “here, sit down— yeah? mi casa es su casa, or whatever. i never took french.” he ushers you to the couch, clumsily tripping over an empty beer can before kicking it aside and skidding off to the kitchen, returning with a glass of water.

“you ride your bike here?” he realises, sitting beside you as he hands you your drink.

“y—yeah.” you release a shaky exhale, bringing the glass to your lips.

“drink that nice n’slow, atta girl. see? you’re alright!” he makes an effort to keep his voice gentle, looking like he was going to reach out to put a hand on your arm but decided against it. you put the glass aside, palm coming to rub uncomfortably over the skin on your chest where your heart was. “heart feel a little fast?”

“mhm.” you mewl pathetically, mortified. you must have fumbled it, there was nothing sexy about winding up on your crushes couch having a panic attack.

“thats pretty normal, yeah. just gotta breathe n’shit.” he nods, resting his elbows on his knees as he watches you. “it’ll feel better when you just let it do what it needs to do, trust me.”

you try and follow his advice, sitting quietly for a few minutes as you lean back and relax into his couch, taking deep breaths and letting the high run its natural course. after a little while, you feel a giggle bubble up.

“uh-oh, there she is.” you hear the smile in his voice and he’s already looking at you.

“i totally freaked, m’sorry.” you’re all blissed out now, finally relaxed.

“oh you’re good— uh, yeah. what even happened? like—how much did you smoke?”

“the whole joint.” you shrug, snickering again.

“yeah that… probably was a lot for your first time, huh?” he grins, shaking his head. “if i knew you were this clueless about this shit, no offence, i would have offered to smoke with you, ‘ya know? be your guide. your ganja guru, if you will.”

“maybe you can teach me the right way to do it next time?” you try, feeling braver under the influence. his eyes flutter with something unrecognisable in your state and he nods.

“y—yeah. yeah for sure. totally.”

“unless i kinda ruined the vibes with that whole embarrassing confession outside.” you groan, lifting a hand to smush against your warm cheek. his eyes widen and he shakes his head.

“no! no, it was cute… i had no idea man, i would’ve closed. you crushing on me? c’mon man i’d be all over that.” he chuckles awkwardly, watching your face melt into the softest and sweetest smile he’d ever seen.

“really? you mean that?”

“hey, it’s not everyday i got a pretty girl on my couch needing me to save her, okay— this is big for me.” he teases.

you spend the rest of the evening riding out your high, before sleepily riding out your dealer beneath the glow of the television. he’ll consider it payment.

⊹ . ⁺ 🐰🎀⋅˚₊𐙚

[skunkes]

ok detailed surgery experience

i made this schedule (?) of the major events as soon as I left while I cld still remember (and still kinda forgot!) i like knowing the Times of stuff so I asked my dad to take note of Times for me, and tried to ask for the time where i could

surgery I got was a laproscopic bilateral salpingectomy, full removal of the fallopian tubes only!

Misc details off of dis, obviously TMI territory as its a medical procedure.

The second blood draw (they took blood from me yesterday tooooo) hurt less and more somehow. Nasty nasty bruise forming.

IV really was the worst part of it ! I'd get weird throbs of frustrating pain long after it was in

I was given compression stockings that went right up to my crotch. Your toes stick out, and they put hospital socks over your feet. Some additional compress wraps were placed above my knees.

Pre op/prep didnt take too long at all. I know I have it listed as over an hour of waiting, which always made me nervous to read in other people's experiences, but it doesn't really feel like waiting. The TV helps pass the time, as do the people who are with you if any, and the nurses popping in with help or instructions or updates. The prep room was small and the bathroom was next door. The double doors open to wheel you out. Remote was given toe to control the TV and also call the nurses via a speaker.

The nurse who wheeled me in was nicest, she pronounced my name Correctly and was also really funny and friendly...

In general I knew this surgery was going to go well because I was actually able to fall asleep last night. I've stayed awake/tossed and turned for events far less stressful. Dis was also due to part of it kind of not feeling real for me! And being wheeled into surgery room added to that! It didnt feel real, it felt like watching one of many scenes from medical media of the same point of view.

I did start quaking and shaking once in the surgery room (also small, I did not look around much in fear of it making me panic last minute!)

They had me scoot from the prep bed to the surgery table. There was a pink foam headrest for me to slot the back of my head into. They strap you in with arms out like ur being crucified and thats when it became more Real for me so i started shaking a lot, but I can't tell how bad it was under the heavy blankets. I think I shook more and for longer when I went for my MRI (which also isnt/wasnt scary but the body freaks out for no reason). Im surprised at myself for being so Calm ykwim

Anyway, strapped in, had monitoring stuff stickered onto my body: my sternum, side of body under chest/armpits, and another pair I cant remember where. Hair was put up in hair net. My hospital gown was untied as the tie starts halfway across your body and goes under, but this was not done in an invasive-to-privacy way, and I was still fully covered by it (and then recovered by blankets)

(3 separate people asked me how many kids I had throughout this whole venture, and were Shocked at my response. This was the other most nerve wracking part as I started to get weirdly anxious that someone wouldn't like this and cancel my surgery or something. One of the Askers was the anesthesiologist.) Doctor/surgeon came in and asked if i was ready and talked about how he loved being under anesthesia LOL. Everybody was speaking about their opinions about childbirth and sterilization and parenthood, but amongst each other and not to influence my decision, along with telling each other to set up XYZ. Once again everybody is charmed by Cheye's usage of the word "yay"

Ive never had surgery before, so I was worried about anesthesia. In my mind i was imagining it to be being fully lucid and then your vision darkens and takes you, which was scary to me like i dont wanna be freaking out and then immediately KNOCKED out!

But it was gradual which actually made it more calming for me...the funny nurse put the oxygen mask over me, I got very nervous bc she said to take deep breaths and honestly i couldnt even breath much at all in it, and breathing out also felt very restricting and like I was going to choke, but it wasn't Distressing. I just breathed slowly and it worked anyway.

In a few seconds I felt a cool tingle in my arm that then sort of burst into my torso, and my whole body felt really light and my eyelids draggggggged half closed, but it felt very mechanical and involuntarily (like slowly closing window blinds...or like how the brightness options on a 3DS are numbered buttons ykwim? Like, Closing 1, Closing 2, Closing 3, Closed Halfway, all pressed in quick succession). Heavy heavy heavy. I stayed in that half closed state for a while! (Probably not even a full minute, but it also wasn't instant...i still had time to think and Hear conversation etc, as well as feel that there was some mechanical thing tightening around my spread arms along with the hand adjusted straps)

The funny nurse was telling me to relax and have sweet dreams and that they wld take care of me and such. And then I was out. I do not remember my vision fully fading or eyes fully closing, in my mind they stayed in that half closed state.

Ive heard ppl say it feels like blinking and waking up, but it did feel like sleep to me!!!! I know dreaming under anesthesia isn't really a thing, but waking up felt like....i was really waking up like normal and trying to remember traces of a dream after several hours of sleep.

I always thought it was silly seeing ppl ask if the surgery was over when they come out of it, but I did that. But like i swear it came out involuntarily??? Like i knew it was over....i think it was because I couldnt really SEE anything when i woke up, I could only hear staff speaking to me, and I can barely remember what they said. Vision was VERY very blurred. So I guess that question came out as substitute for Where Am I, and Who's Here With Me? Speaking felt like when audio unsyncs from a video, with my voice trailing far behind my words. I also remember being really bewildered bc there was some sort of residue on my lips, like when they're chapped and dry and cracking. I learned later this was bc of the intubation but i Didnt Know That Yet so i was just scared and thirsty.

Adding another "pain was less bad than the average period which has one Doubled Over" statement to the pile. Pain was at 3/10 or 4/10, which is to say if period pain is a whole abdomen event, this pain was small little bruises occasionally being brushed up against, just small throbs of sore pain in the 3 incision spots. I got an incision inside my belly button and that was the most present sensation, but that might also be bc I hate anything having to do with that area in general 😭 always feels weird.

My throat felt very DRY. It wasn't pain yet, it felt like when you're thirsty + dehydrated and your lips stick together at any slight moisture, but in the throat. Kept trying to look around and wiggle my fingers and toes in hopes that'd help me Come Out Of It sooner bc not being able to see was really frustrating me. I could not make out the face of the person watching over me for some time. I really wanted water !

HORROR when the person looking over me said i had a catheter still in me. Nightmare I wasnt counting on actually happening and wasnt mentally prepared for. I was told I would have one placed (make sure to ask if this is a concern for you!) but i thought they'd take it out before I woke up... I cldnt even feel it in me when I was told this! Which is good.

The staff of course had to remove blankets and open my gown a bit to access the area. But I did not feel any distress about this at the time.

Had a very funny slow motion distress response bracing self for removal. It did not hurt or sting at all, it just felt like [something I cant describe here]. Just pressure! It was pulled out gently but quickly of course.

After 1 hr i was wheeled to a separate private recovery room. The nurse uncovered my lower area to check if incisions were doing good so far as well as to check if I had been provided with a pad/underwear, as some patients have blood or other fluids come out as a result of the surgery.

parents came in, was so grateful for juice but in dismay over my food item being orange (i dont like citrus flavor) jello (i dont like jello 😭) i consumed all of both.

I also worried I'd feel weird about throwing my body parts away. But I dont feel anything ^_^ just feels very awesome and natural

Sore throat started further developing. Nurse came in after some time here, taught me how to Get Up. Was scary! I was worried about it hurting, but it was just more soreness.

Was able to go to the bathroom, went a very little bit but it was enough. I was very scared about seeing my incisions and being disgusted by them....but I caught a glance and it was Okey Yey. They are covered in surgical Glue and dont look gnarly, swollen, red or anything they look very cool ^_^ got dressed in stages as there was nothing to set clothes down on and sat back down on the bed. The bathroom connected to another room where somebody else was preparing for surgery.

Nurse came in with final post op instructions, upon describing nausea to me my skin got cold, stomach activated and krusty krab exploded with it. She was just barely able to get me a bag to throw up in. This exacerbated the throat pain. She encouraged me to get it all out especially since I also expelled gas, which is a good thing.

IV removal didnt hurt! Same level of pain as the tape around it being yanked off. I couldn't even tell it was over. I was wheeled out of the hospital. ^_^ i wore an oversized dress my sister lent me, and cheap target sandals so I wouldnt have to bend to tie shoes. My dad pulled up the car right outside. I brought a pillow to be a barrier in between the seat belt and my stomach.

Its 6:48 neow and I am laying down, but the pain is (currently) the same. I had another nausea (and release. Also exacerbated throat pain.) spell (while in walmart picking up the pain meds), was boiling alive in my very hot room, and was a bit dehydrated which may have contributed to some misery and nausea but as of right now I'm ok, i changed into lighter clothes, drank water, ate a bit, and situated self in a room with ac....i worry about getting up and becoming nauseous again 😭 i hate throwing up.

People are right about it being more discomfort than pain! You have to walk around every few hours, and it doesnt hurt but every step feels like my bellybutton is kinda pinching inward. Being tugged at from the inside. Ive gotten to a point where even chuckling makes me feel this very Sour soreness (not regular dull soreness) so maybe ill start the meds soon if necessary.... Squatting to sit doesnt hurt in a debilitating way, neither does actually sitting or putting on/stepping into clothing.

I couldnt nap because laying on my side doesnt hurt the incisions or anything, BUT its just the strange discomfort again. The weight of gravity on the body makes the incision sites feel very very weird in an abstract way i cant describe. It isnt pain. It feels like a mismatched sensation of some sort. Like if you touched your nose and somehow felt the touch on your knee. Adjacent to this. A very specific sensation sits in all the incision sites and drags down through your mattress to the ground and it feels Weird.

If you get up properly it really doesn't hurt to do so! Use your leg to get yourself fully onto your side, then use your arm to push yourself up into a sitting position.

I am very nervous from when all the good strong hospital meds wear off t_t i heard the day after is a struggle because of dis. but ive got the prescribed pain management on hand (extra strength ibuprofen and tylenol with codeine!! O_O) neow at least ^_^;

OH, AND THE DOCTOR TOOK FOTOS OF MY INSIDES LIKE I ASKED! ^_^ 🫶 I have glossy printed souvenir now! I dont exactly know wtf im looking at but its awesum LOL maybe i will ask for details at the follow up!

[cheegu3]

gangster!new - punishing you

note; original ask here, I had to make a separate post bc of tumblr again

warnings; yandere/mafia themes, unhealthy relationships, gun, slightly dub-con, sadism, drugging, smut - rough sex, non-protective, nasty but short sex lol (licking cum, spitting in mouth)

wc; 2.6k

The billboard lights had gotten blurrier the further you walked and you couldn't help but wonder if it was your mind playing tricks on you.

With the adrenaline pumping in your body and your water-soaked shoes running on the wet pavement, there was a high chance you weren’t exactly in the right state of mind now.

Maybe because of that you pushed on, even as it got so bad you almost fell into the busy traffic.

You didn't hear anything but your own heavy breaths. Occasionally, you scared yourself by thinking he was behind you; if you turned around too quickly you'd see a man in a suit and immediately you squealed '' no, no, please, '' to yourself.

It was only yesterday that you found out that your boyfriend wasn't who you thought he was.

At the end of the night out with your friends you were supposed to walk a few blocks to get a bus.

On the way there you passed by many alleyways but one in particular piqued your interest. Sounds came from far down it. Hushed voices, muffled screams, and the sound of a gun reloading.

You shouldn't have done it but your feet seemed to drag themselves forward on their own until you stood at the very end of the alley and it was already too late - they saw you.

'' Hey! Who's that? ''

You froze before your brain sensed danger and kicked in your flight instinct. Whipping around you started to run as hard as you could and sprinted for around 200 meters, then dove into a small shop when you felt your legs grow weak.

You forced your breathing to regulate, taking deep breaths while placing a hand over your chest as if to stop your pounding heart from escaping it.

The customers gave you curious looks and eyed each other questioningly. Then their gazes moved which you only noticed once you weren't panting anymore and had the energy to raise your head.

They were fixated on something behind you. In sync, their eyes moved from the left to the right until whatever was behind seemed to stop right at the door where you were standing.

You had a gut feeling that it was the guys from before. The gun and the shady business that seemed to be going down in that alley had made you come to the conclusion that they were gangsters. The city was full of them, and your boyfriend Chanhee had often told you to stay away from them at all costs. He said he knew them too well since he was a native.

Pretending like your anxiety levels hadn't skyrocketed, you went over to the back row of the shop casually and looked at something on the shelf. The bells above the door jingled, causing you to be more alert as they finally entered the shop.

You listened to their footsteps and your forehead creased. It was hard to make out how many of them there were. The loud thud of boots was always followed by several more and then a dragging sound.

You turned your head a little bit and discovered that the sound came from people moving out of the way. They were getting closer to you. It seemed like they inspected everyone in the shop before moving on to the next which meant there was no escaping the inevitable meeting you'd have with them.

A lone sandwich was the only thing you took out of the shelf. It would be too suspicious to just stand there, your back turned and not even buy anything. Maybe...just maybe they'd think you weren't the one if you actually looked like you belonged there.

But it was getting too hard to not act like the imposter. Everything about you screamed guilty. Your hands clenched around the poor sandwich to stop them from shaking violently.

Your mind kept going back to the alley. With some panic, you realized that if they saw you again, they'd recognize you right away. Although you didn't see their faces due to the darkness, you were standing right under the streetlights.

The crinkling sound brought the attention of a man who had ventured off on his own to make the search for the witness more effective.

You closed your eyes and tried to focus on something else to stop your body from sweating profusely. But it was too late. The man had already put his hand on your shoulder to turn you to him.

Glancing back, the first thing you saw was his pale hand on you. Surprisingly for a gangster, it was very pretty. Long slick fingers, not a scar, injury, or callus in sight.

You didn't mean to, but you smiled and looked up at the man. The smile fell immediately. And so did his, your boyfriend's.

For a whole minute, you just stared at each other. A range of emotions washed over both of your faces; confusion, anger, guilt, sadness, denial.

He finally spoke, and when he did so his voice came out tired. '' You weren't supposed to find out like this. ''

You didn't say anything. Your mouth felt like sandpaper. But it seemed to only agitate him. Maybe he wanted you to say the words he'd want to hear like ' it's okay, I don't care, I love you anyway '.

You couldn't say them. Not after you'd seen him like that.

'' I told you to go straight home, didn't I? '' he raised his voice which made you flinch.

You didn't miss the way he put his hands in his pockets. People don't show their hands when they feel certain emotions, such as anxiety or guilt.

He knew he was in the wrong for deceiving you but still acted now like it was somehow your fault for discovering his dark little secret.

'' You never listen to me. That's the problem with you! ''

He was getting angrier and angrier by your continued silence, taking it as an act of rebellion. As he took a step towards you, meant to intimidate, someone behind him called out, '' New, let's go. ''

New?

You stared up at him. He responded to the name and gave you one last look, tensely telling you under his breath for you to go home, and then left with the group.

The different name caught you off guard. It felt like the final punch to the gut before crashing down. Somehow it created a wall between you and Chanhee. A different name, a different persona, a different job. He'd been living a completely separate life.

You hadn't been cheated on but it almost felt like it. With a sour taste in your mouth, you went home at last and locked yourself into one of the spare bedrooms. There was no way you wanted to see your boyfriend for the rest of the day.

As you lay in bed trying to sleep, a thought popped into the forefront of your mind, something you'd never considered much before. Sure, he'd been possessive and overbearing but you could handle it.

This however? He was a bad person, a terrible one in fact, who hurt others.

'' Oh my god, '' you whispered to yourself.

Was that man dead? Had he killed him? Your sweet loving boyfriend? You felt sick. The love was rapidly disappearing, only being replaced with pure disgust. How could you have loved someone like that, or not noticed it? A psycho right in front of your eyes!

A psycho who laid his delicate hands around you at night, telling you he loved you; while those same hands were used to kill.

'' Y/n? ''

As if on cue, the devil came home and knocked softly on your door. You turned over on your side and ignored it, hoping that he'd give up and go away soon.

And he did. He tried the door and despite not getting an answer which would usually set his temper off, he just left it and went away.

You woke up the next day with an uneasiness in the pit of your stomach. There was a feeling that you needed to walk on eggshells around him now.

'' Hey. Did you sleep well? '' was the first thing he said.

It wasn't unusual for him to ask that if he got up earlier than you. Now though, he could probably see the dark circles under your eyes, as his face was laced with concern.

You only nodded and tried not to stiffen when he approached you for his morning kiss. It was awkward for both of you.

He gestured to the filled dining table before heading to the door. A glance at the clock told you it was almost 1pm; you'd slept for a very long time and likely he had waited hours for you.

'' Are you going somewhere? ''

'' Work, '' he said, clearing his throat uncomfortably.

Work from now on meant his mafia work, the part he'd kept hidden from you before. Your eyes narrowed. Was he going off somewhere to hurt someone again?

But you didn't say anything. After the door closed behind him, you started gathering your most important things and texted your sister that you were coming over to spend the night there.

An hour passed before you felt brave enough to leave. You brought a sandwich and a water bottle that Chanhee had put out for you which you sipped on while walking to the city.

It was a Sunday so there were barely any buses. You clenched your teeth and kept walking despite that, determined to reach your sister's house in an hour or two.

However, it would prove to be a lot more difficult than you'd originally thought. Within twenty minutes you looked back and realized you hadn't walked far at all.

Your head began throbbing for some reason and you couldn't tell if it was the pouring rain, tiredness, or something else, but your vision started getting distorted too.

How long had you been walking for now? You could see the billboards shining down on you like they always did. Yet everything surrounding it seemed to be dark.

Your steps became wobbly when you were about to pass by the spot where you had seen Chanhee just the day before. You decided to rest there against the wall until whatever had just disrupted you would go away.

You had only just sat down when your body fell down to the side with a loud thump.

*******

Lights woke you from your strange slumber. You had to blink a few times to come back to reality and make sense of your surroundings. What greeted you was no longer the alley and the darkness, but a familiar setting - your bedroom, with a familiar person, your boyfriend.

He helped you sit up. You stretched your tense muscles and tried to move to get out of bed, stomach practically screaming at you. Things hadn't fully set in yet; such as the fact that he had found you somehow and brought you back there, which must mean he knew you tried to escape.

The only thing you cared about now was food and sleep since the throbbing from before had left an awful after-effect in your head.

'' I have food, don't get up. ''

He handed you some food that you nibbled on quietly. As you washed it down with some drink, it finally hit you.

Your eyes widened but you quickly had to pretend like nothing was wrong, just in case he didn't actually know. You tried to read his impression, stoic, unamused maybe? He usually smiled when he saw you looking at him. Not now though, not at all.

Once you were done he took it away from you and didn't even bother going to put it in the kitchen, he just placed it on the nightstand. For some reason it made alarm bells ring inside your head.

'' That wasn't very smart of you, was it? ''

You shuddered at his low tone, it was one he had never really used with you before, one that very clearly painted a picture of who was the prey and who was the predator.

You backed up against the header behind but didn't get very far; he pulled you down swiftly by your leg so you were dragged closer to him. Laying there shaking, he just looked down at you.

'' You know I drugged the water, right? ''

Your mouth fell open.

'' I knew you'd try something like this just to piss me off. ''

Suddenly he started unbuttoning his suit shirt which confused you. He smirked at your puzzled look and seemed to enjoy you watching him undress.

Once the shirt was off he was satisfied, and so, he came over to hover over you. Your wrists were pinned in an almost painful grip above your head.

'' I-I was just...going for a walk. '' you licked your dry lips.

His expression didn't change and he didn't answer you. Taking a breath of relief a bit too early you gasped when he caught you off guard by flipping you onto your stomach.

You tried wriggling out of his grasp.

'' Don't pretend like you don't want it every day, '' he sounded both amused and angry, his words carrying an almost venomous edge to them.

You buried your face into the pillow in embarrassment, your body acknowledging his words by the growing wetness between your thighs.

Behind you, you heard his zipper go down and were just about to glance back when he pushed into you without warning. He didn't even bother pulling his pants off.

Both of you let out loud sounds, his of pleasure and you a cry of pain. A string of incomprehensible words left your mouth, which he ignored, picking up a long and hard thrusting rhythm instead.

Loud, wet, and filthy sounds filled the room. You felt humiliated to admit you'd never been so turned on. You didn't fight it and just let your body rock with each thrust. But you were still very aware that it was a punishment by the burning feeling, that although decreasing, was very much present.

Whimpers turned into small moans that you tried muffling. But it became very hard to do as his chest touched your back and you heard his low groans in your ear.

You couldn't hide how you felt from him. Whatever sounds you made would likely push his sadistic self over the edge if you weren't careful.

Your body gave in to him more and more as the pleasure lulled your brain and numbed the pounding head from before.

'' Chanhee, '' you whined, '' I'm gonna- ''

A sound of loud protest broke from your lips. He pulled out as soon as you spoke and you felt the warmth of him finishing on your back thigh.

You were just about to whine again and angrily question why he didn't let you finish, but his warm tongue coming in contact close to your core made your body tingle.

He flipped you over on your back again and forced your mouth open with his thumb.

'' What are you doing? ''

Leaning right over you he kept your mouth open and then spat right into it, almost making you choke from the shock. The saltiness hit your tongue and you immediately recognized the taste which you swirled around in your mouth.

'' Swallow. ''

He didn't have to tell you twice. You swallowed hard and then glared at him again. As if you were telepathic, he smiled knowingly.

'' I won't let you finish tonight, you don't deserve it. ''

You rolled your eyes and clenched your teeth in irritation. It didn't really feel like you had a say in this so you remained tight-lipped with a scowl on your face.

That was until he dove his head in between your legs and made your body turn into jelly again. This was going to be a long and torturous night, you knew him.

He'd go on for hours til you were begging for him to let you finish with tears streaming down your face.