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callsigns-haze · 14 hours ago

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-ˋˏ The weekend you came home ˎˊ-

This is a one-shot but could be read as a fic for what happened before -ˋˏ The week it all went south ˎˊ-

Pairing: Azriel x Rhysand's sister!reader

Years back when your mother and sister were alive you all had a dynamic. The boys would leave for training in the morning, your mother and sister would sew together while you would read. That's how it was for a very long while before everything happened. One weekend when you have to be at the cabin all alone Azriel fights for a weekend pass and you're glad he did because when you thought someone was breaking in it was just kittens and maybe those kittens are the official start of your relationship.

Warning: Fluff, cursing and mentions of cruel past.

Word count: 10.2k

500 Years Ago — The Illyrian Cabin

The fire crackled softly in the hearth, the scent of burning pine mixing with the delicate fragrance of fresh linen. Your mother sat at the small wooden table, her fingers deftly working a needle through a swath of fabric, her expression calm and focused. The rhythmic motion of her hands was something you had grown up watching, something that had always made you feel at home.

Beside her, Kaia was muttering under her breath as she helped sew, her frustration evident in the way she kept glancing at you.

"You’re useless," Kaia finally huffed, yanking the thread through the fabric with more force than necessary. "Sitting there like some pampered noble, reading your books while we actually work."

You didn’t even glance up from the pages of your novel, leisurely turning another page. "I am working," you murmured.

Kaia scoffed. "Oh, please. How exactly does reading some dusty old book help the family?"

"Knowledge is power," you replied, smirking slightly. "Unlike you, I plan on using my brain to get out of this place one day."

Kaia gasped in mock offense. "Are you calling me stupid?"

"I didn’t say it literally."

Your mother clicked her tongue, not even pausing in her work. "Both of you, stop your bickering," she said. "Kaia, let your sister be. And you," she glanced at you meaningfully, "perhaps you could take a break from your books and help with something."

You groaned, slumping further into your chair. "Mother—"

"No ‘mothering’ me," she interrupted smoothly, reaching for another spool of thread. "You can at least prepare the tea."

You sighed dramatically but set your book aside, standing and stretching before making your way toward the small kitchen space. The floor creaked beneath your feet as you moved, the old wood worn down by years of footsteps.

Outside, the winds howled through the mountains, rattling against the cabin walls. The Illyrian war camps were far enough away that you couldn’t see them from here, but you knew exactly where Rhysand, Cassian, and Azriel were right now—training until exhaustion, getting tossed around by the warlords, covered in bruises and dirt.

They’d be home tonight.

You bit the inside of your cheek at the thought, pushing it aside as you focused on preparing the tea.

Kaia, meanwhile, kept complaining. "I swear, it’s like you’re allergic to actual work," she muttered.

You rolled your eyes, pouring hot water over the leaves. "And yet, I don’t hear you complaining when I help with strategy meetings with Rhys," you shot back. "Or when I make sure you don’t get scolded for sneaking off to see that boy from the next village."

Kaia’s cheeks flushed. "That is not—"

Your mother just sighed. "Cauldron save me from daughters who can’t go five minutes without arguing."

You and Kaia exchanged glances before bursting into quiet laughter. Your mother tried to look stern, but you could see the flicker of amusement in her eyes as well.

The cabin smelled like fresh fabric, tea, and the lingering traces of the lavender sachets your mother always tucked into the linens. It was small, but it was home. And tonight, the boys would be back—bruised, hungry, and full of stories from the camps.

For now, though, it was just the three of you, the hum of needle and thread weaving its way through the quiet.

You leaned against the wooden counter, watching the tea leaves swirl in the hot water as a smirk tugged at your lips. "I think knowledge will get me further than pricked fingers," you mused, glancing at Kaia.

She let out an exaggerated gasp, pressing a hand to her chest as if you had mortally wounded her. "Oh, so now you're insulting mother’s work, too? The audacity!"

Your mother didn’t even look up from her sewing. "You do have a sharp tongue, my love," she said, amusement lacing her voice.

"I prefer to call it intelligence," you replied smoothly, lifting the teapot and setting out the cups.

Kaia rolled her eyes. "And yet, for all your ‘intelligence,’ you still don’t know how to stitch a straight line."

"Because I have you to do it for me," you said sweetly, handing her a cup of tea.

She groaned, but took it anyway. "One day, you're going to regret not learning these skills."

You shrugged, taking a sip of your own tea. "Maybe. But I’d rather outthink my enemies than stab them with a needle."

Your mother chuckled under her breath, shaking her head as she continued her work.

Kaia huffed, setting her sewing down just long enough to shoot you a pointed look. “Outthink your enemies? What, you plan to sit them down and bore them to death with all those books you hoard?”

You smirked behind your teacup. “It’s a solid strategy. Imagine it: I hit them with the full history of Prythian’s trade routes, throw in some political theory, maybe a bit of philosophy—”

Kaia groaned loudly, slumping against the table. “Mother, please, make her stop.”

Your mother only chuckled, her fingers deftly working through the fabric she was stitching. “Your sister has a point, Kaia. A sharp mind will take her far.”

Kaia scoffed. “So will a sharp blade.”

You hummed, flipping a page in your book. “Why not both?”

She narrowed her eyes, studying you like you were some difficult puzzle she couldn’t quite solve. “You’re really never going to learn how to sew, are you?”

“Not if I can help it.”

Your mother sighed, though there was no true disappointment in it. “At least try to learn a few stitches, love. I won’t always be here to mend your clothes.”

The thought of a world without her sent a pang through your chest, but you masked it with a light shrug. “I’ll figure it out.”

Kaia grinned. “Or you’ll find yourself a mate who’s good with a needle.”

You made a face. “If I ever meet someone who enjoys sewing, I’ll know the Cauldron made a mistake.”

Your mother only smiled knowingly, the same way she always did when she sensed things you couldn’t yet understand.

Kaia rolled her eyes and flicked a bit of thread at you. “You’ll regret that when you’re out in the wilds with a torn tunic and no way to fix it.”

You waved a dismissive hand, eyes still on your book. “I’ll just make Rhysie do it.”

Kaia scoffed. “Rhys? Our future High Lord? You think he’s going to sit there and stitch up your clothes like some dutiful little seamstress?”

You smirked, finally glancing up. “If I’m cold and miserable enough, he might.”

Your mother chuckled softly at that, shaking her head as she continued working. “That boy would do anything for you.”

Kaia sighed dramatically. “It’s disgusting, really.”

“You're just jelly that I'm his favourite sister.”

You just grinned, but before you could come up with a proper retort, the front door creaked open, a gust of cold wind blowing into the cabin.

Cassian and Azriel stepped inside first, shaking snow from their wings and stamping off their boots. Rhys followed right after, rubbing his hands together for warmth.

“Mother above,” Cassian groaned. “It’s freezing out there.”

Azriel just huffed, pulling off his gloves. “It’s winter, Cassian. That tends to happen.”

Rhys, though, barely looked at them. His violet eyes landed on you immediately, a slow, familiar smirk curling his lips. “What? No warm welcome for your favourite brother?”

Kaia let out a sharp laugh. “Favourite? Please. I’d sooner claim Cassian.”

Cassian grinned. “I do have my charms.”

You ignored them, tilting your head as you met Rhys’s gaze. “You’re late.”

He shrugged, unbothered. “We were training.”

You set your book down, eyeing the bruises forming on his knuckles. “So I see.”

Azriel, ever the quiet observer, watched you closely, his hazel eyes flickering between you and Rhys as if reading something neither of you had spoken aloud. You met his gaze for just a moment before looking away.

Rhys stretched out his wings, rolling his shoulders. “Mother, that smells good.” He walked over to the hearth, inhaling deeply. “Did you make enough for an army?”

Your mother smiled, giving him a fond look. “I made enough for three very hungry Illyrians, yes.”

Cassian beamed. “Have I mentioned lately how much I love you?”

Kaia groaned. “Can you three at least clean up first? You smell like sweat and regret.”

Azriel shot her a look, but Rhys just grinned, ruffling your hair as he passed. “Don’t worry, dearest sister. We’ll be on our best behaviour.”

You highly doubted that.

As soon as Rhys, Cassian, and Azriel disappeared down the hall to clean up, Kaia let out an exaggerated groan and flopped dramatically against the back of her chair. “I swear, between the three of them, we’ll never have a moment of peace.”

You smirked, picking your book back up. “You say that like they don’t make life more entertaining.”

Kaia rolled her eyes. “Oh, sure. Nothing’s more entertaining than sweaty Illyrians stomping in here like wild animals.”

Your mother chuckled softly, finishing the last few stitches in the fabric she was working on. “They’re boys. And Illyrians at that. What do you expect?”

Kaia made a face, but before she could reply, the sound of heavy footsteps returned, and soon enough, the three of them emerged from the back rooms, hair still damp but looking slightly more presentable.

Cassian flopped into the chair across from Kaia, stretching his arms behind his head. “So, what’s for dinner?”

Kaia smacked his arm. “You could at least help set the table first.”

Cassian pouted but stood, dramatically grabbing some plates while Rhys just rolled his eyes. Azriel, as usual, remained quiet, though his gaze drifted to you once again as he moved to help your mother.

You ignored the look, flipping a page in your book. But before you could focus, Rhys plopped down beside you, draping an arm over the back of your chair. “Still burying yourself in books, I see.”

You didn’t even glance up. “Still getting your ass handed to you in training, I see.”

Cassian burst out laughing while Azriel smirked faintly.

Rhys gasped in mock offense. “Excuse me? I’ll have you know I—”

“You lost to Devlon today,” Azriel cut in smoothly, grabbing a set of utensils.

Cassian cackled. “Oh, that’s right! I almost forgot about that.”

Rhys scowled. “That was a fluke.”

You finally looked up at him, raising a brow. “A fluke, huh?”

Rhys huffed. “Yes. A fluke.”

Kaia snickered. “Right. And Cassian actually thinks before speaking.”

Cassian gaped. “Hey! I do think before speaking.”

Azriel muttered, “Not often.”

Cassian turned his glare to him, but Azriel only shrugged, completely unbothered.

You laughed, shaking your head as you closed your book. Rhys watched you for a moment, his smirk softening into something almost thoughtful.

“What?” you asked, narrowing your eyes at him.

He just smiled. “Nothing.”

But something in his gaze told you he was thinking about something. Something important.

Before you could press him on it, your mother clapped her hands. “Enough bickering. Sit down. Eat.”

The group grumbled but obeyed, falling into their usual places at the table.

And for that brief moment, everything felt perfect.

Dinner was its usual lively affair, filled with Cassian’s booming laughter, Kaia’s sharp remarks, and Rhysand’s ever-present smirk as he baited anyone within reach. Azriel, as always, remained mostly quiet, but his occasional remarks cut sharper than any blade.

Your mother, ever the calm presence among the chaos, waited until the plates were nearly cleared before setting down her utensils and glancing between you and Rhys. “Kaia and I will be going back to Velaris this weekend,” she announced, her voice even. “Your father wishes to see us.”

You looked up from your plate, brows furrowing. “Both of you?”

Kaia nodded, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. “Yes. And before you start, it wasn’t my idea. He actually asked.”

That had you pausing. Your father—requesting their presence? That was… rare.

Rhys, sitting beside you, leaned back in his chair, twirling his goblet between his fingers. “How long?”

“Just the weekend,” your mother said. “We’ll be back Sunday night.”

Rhys nodded slowly, but you could see the gears turning in his head. “And Y/N?”

Your mother glanced at you. “You’ll stay here.”

Your frown deepened. ��Alone?”

“Well, Rhysand, Cassian, and Azriel have training all weekend,” your mother reasoned. “You’ll manage.”

Cassian grinned. “You scared to be all by yourself, Y/N?”

You rolled your eyes. “Please. I’d probably enjoy the quiet without you three stomping around like wild beasts.”

Azriel smirked faintly, but Rhys didn’t look as amused. His violet eyes flickered to your mother. “Are you sure?”

Your mother gave him a pointed look. “She’s more than capable, Rhysand.”

You crossed your arms, raising a brow at your brother. “Do you doubt me, dear brother?”

Rhys sighed, rubbing his temple. “No, but—”

“No buts,” your mother cut in. “Y/N will be fine. And the three of you will be too busy getting your asses kicked in training to even notice.”

Cassian snorted. “That’s fair.”

You leaned back in your chair, pretending to consider. “A weekend to myself… no Cassian yelling, no Rhys brooding, no Azriel sneaking around like a shadowy menace. Oh my cauldron and no Kaia! Sounds peaceful.”

Azriel arched a brow, his voice smooth. “You’ll miss us.”

You huffed. “Doubtful.”

Rhys sighed again, but he didn’t argue further. “Fine. But if anything happens—”

“I’ll be fine, Rhys,” you said, exasperated. “It’s two days. Not a lifetime.”

Your mother nodded in approval. “Good. Now eat before the food gets cold.”

And just like that, the conversation shifted, but you couldn’t shake the feeling that Rhys still wasn’t entirely on board with the idea.

-----

The next morning, your mother and Kaia were already packing their things, preparing to leave for Velaris. You stood in the doorway, watching as Kaia fussed over which dresses to bring, her nose wrinkling at a pale blue one your mother held up.

“Not that one,” Kaia said flatly. “It makes me look washed out.”

Your mother sighed but folded it into her bag anyway. “It’s just for two days.”

Kaia groaned. “Two days with father.”

You didn’t comment, but the thought sat heavy in your mind. Your father requesting them was strange—almost unsettling—but you pushed the feeling down.

Rhysand was still brooding about the whole situation, watching from across the room with crossed arms. He had already changed into his training leathers, ready to head to the camps with Cassian and Azriel.

“You could always just come with us,” Rhys murmured when your mother left the room for a moment.

You shot him a look. “And do what? Watch you three beat the hell out of each other? No, thanks.”

Cassian grinned as he passed by, throwing an arm around you briefly before heading toward the door. “It wouldn’t hurt to learn a few things, you know.”

“I know plenty,” you countered, stepping out from under his hold. “Like how to read a book instead of getting hit in the face.”

Azriel smirked slightly from where he stood by the door, sharpening a dagger. “Books won’t help in a fight.”

“Then you've never got hit in the head with one but in fairness neither will your brooding, but here we are,” you shot back.

Cassian let out a loud laugh as Azriel just shook his head, tucking the dagger away.

Your mother returned, brushing her hands together. “Alright, we should get going.”

Kaia sighed dramatically but grabbed her bag. “If I don’t make it back, tell father it was his fault.”

Your mother swatted her arm lightly before turning to you. “Be good, Y/N.”

You smirked. “Never.”

Rhys, still looking less than pleased, pulled your mother in for a quick hug, then gave Kaia a long-suffering look. “Don’t kill each other.”

“No promises,” Kaia quipped before stepping outside.

Your mother gave Rhys one last pat on the cheek before following, and just like that, they were gone, winnowing to Velaris.

You exhaled, stretching your arms over your head. “Well. Looks like it’s just me.”

Rhys gave you another once-over, his lips pressing into a thin line. “Stay inside at night,” he warned. “If anything happens, send a message.”

“Yes, Mother,” you droned.

Cassian chuckled. “She’ll be fine, Rhys. Let’s go before Devlon loses his mind waiting for us.”

Rhys gave you one last look before sighing and stepping toward the door. Azriel lingered a moment longer, his hazel eyes flickering to you.

“If anything happens—”

“I know, I know,” you interrupted. “I’ll call for my big, scary warriors to save me.”

Azriel just shook his head slightly, but you could see the amusement in his gaze before he turned and left.

And then, the cabin was quiet.

Finally.

The silence in the cabin was strange. Not unwelcome, but strange.

You were used to noise—your mother’s soft humming as she sewed, Kaia’s endless complaints about one thing or another, Rhys and the others coming and going from training. But now, with them all gone, it was just you.

You stood in the middle of the small kitchen for a moment, staring at the now-empty space where your mother and sister had been just minutes ago. Then, with a sigh, you turned and grabbed the book you had been reading earlier, settling into one of the chairs near the fireplace.

The hours passed in comfortable solitude. You read, made yourself something to eat, and even went outside for a while, letting the cool mountain air fill your lungs. The Illyrian camps were too far to hear, but you could picture what Rhys, Cassian, and Azriel were doing—sweating, fighting, grumbling about their trainers.

You rolled your eyes just thinking about it.

By nightfall, you had lit a few candles, keeping the cabin warm against the evening chill. You weren’t scared of being alone, but there was something about the stillness that made the space feel bigger.

Then, a sound.

You froze, book halfway open in your lap.

It had come from outside.

Slowly, you set the book down and stood, listening.

Nothing.

Probably an animal, you told yourself. A fox, maybe. Or a bird settling into a tree for the night.

Still, you walked to the door and carefully slid the bolt into place. Just in case.

Then, shaking your head at your own paranoia, you turned back to the fireplace and sat down.

You were fine.

Everything was fine...

Your heart pounded, listening to the silence stretch on. Maybe it was nothing. Maybe it was just the wind or a wild animal passing through.

But your gut twisted.

Azriel always told you to trust your instincts.

Without hesitation, you bolted down the hall, bare feet silent against the wooden floor. You went straight to Azriel’s room, moving with practiced ease. He had shown you where he kept his blades—“Just in case,” he had said, his hazel eyes serious.

You dropped to your knees beside his bed, reaching under the wooden frame until your fingers brushed cool steel. You pulled the dagger free, gripping the hilt tightly.

The weight of it was reassuring.

The door creaked behind you, the wind shifting through the cracks in the cabin. You inhaled sharply, steadying yourself, before standing and turning back toward the main room.

You tightened your grip on the dagger as you crept back down the hallway, pressing your back against the wooden walls to keep your footsteps silent. The flickering candlelight from the hearth cast shifting shadows across the cabin, making your pulse hammer even harder.

The front door was still shut. The windows locked. But something felt off.

You took a deep breath, listening.

Nothing.

Then—

A sound. Faint. Almost imperceptible.

The softest creak of wood outside the cabin, like a footstep trying too hard to be silent.

Your stomach dropped.

You swallowed hard, adjusting the dagger in your palm. If someone was out there, they weren’t moving anymore. Maybe they knew you had heard them.

You exhaled slowly and backed toward the kitchen, reaching for the second knife Azriel always kept in the drawer. Just in case.

Just as your fingers closed around the hilt, the front door handle rattled.

The door swung open, and before you could think, you moved. Instinct and fear collided as you lunged forward, dagger raised, your heart hammering in your chest.

But then—

“Cauldron damn it, Y/N!”

Azriel’s voice.

You barely stopped yourself in time, your arm jerking mid-air as recognition slammed into you. He had jumped back, his own hand flying toward his belt, likely reaching for a dagger of his own before he realized it was you.

You both stood there, breathless, frozen in place. His hazel eyes were wide, flickering between you and the blade in your grip. His chest rose and fell in heavy breaths, his wings slightly flared as if he’d been prepared to counter an attack.

“What the fuck?” he breathed, voice low and sharp.

You swallowed hard, still gripping the dagger tight. Your entire body was trembling with the leftover rush of adrenaline.

“You scared the shit out of me,” you managed to choke out, your voice rasping from fear and exertion.

Azriel let out a slow exhale, running a scarred hand through his damp hair. His training leathers were still on, slightly dusted with dirt, as if he had just come from sparring.

“You were about to stab me.” His voice was still edged with tension, but his brows furrowed as he studied you. “Why the hell are you standing in the middle of the cabin armed like you’re about to go to war?”

You let out a shaky breath, finally lowering the dagger. “I heard something,” you admitted, your voice quieter now. “Someone outside.”

Azriel’s expression hardened instantly. His instincts—honed by years in the camps, sharpened by battle and blood—flared to life. His wings tucked in, his shoulders straightening as his gaze flicked toward the door behind him.

“How long ago?” he asked, voice all business now.

You swallowed again. “Just before you came in. I thought—” You shook your head, gripping the dagger tighter again. “I thought someone was trying to break in.”

Azriel’s jaw clenched. His shadows curled subtly around him, shifting with his thoughts. He stepped closer, his free hand reaching out as if to steady you.

“I’ll check it out,” he said firmly, voice like steel. “Stay here.”

Your grip on the dagger was still tight as Azriel moved past you, but before he reached the door, you found your voice.

"Why the hell are you here?" you demanded, still slightly breathless. "You were supposed to be in the camps all weekend."

Azriel paused, glancing over his shoulder at you. His hazel eyes were still sharp, assessing, but there was something else there—something almost sheepish. He ran a hand through his hair again before exhaling through his nose.

"I fought for a weekend pass," he admitted, voice quieter now. "Didn’t feel right leaving you alone out here."

Your heart skipped a beat, though you tried not to show it. Instead, you scoffed, crossing your arms over your chest. "Rhys is going to be pissed."

Azriel gave a half-shrug, already moving toward the door again. "Let him be." Then, his voice dropped into something more serious as he reached for the handle. "Stay inside. Lock the door behind me."

And before you could argue, he slipped outside, shadows curling around him as he disappeared into the night.

The moment Azriel stepped outside, you wasted no time. Your hands were still slightly shaking from the rush of adrenaline, but you turned the lock with a sharp click, securing the door behind him.

You pressed your back against the wooden frame, gripping the dagger tightly in your hand as you listened to the quiet. The wind whispered through the trees outside, the sounds of the forest unchanged, but your heart was still pounding.

You hated this feeling. The unease of being alone. Of knowing there was no one else here except you—and whatever Azriel was searching for out there.

Swallowing, you forced yourself to move away from the door. You placed the dagger on the small table by the fireplace but kept it within reach. Just in case.

And then, you waited.

Seven minutes. That’s all it had been since you locked the door behind Azriel, but it felt like an eternity. You had barely moved from your spot, ears straining for any sound from outside. When the knocking finally came, it wasn’t forceful or rushed—it was deliberate. A pattern only you and Azriel knew.

Tap. Tap. Pause. Tap-tap.

Your breath hitched in relief. You rushed to unlock the door, but as soon as you pulled it open, whatever words you had prepared to scold him for scaring you died on your lips.

Azriel stood there, snow dusting his dark hair and leathers, his cheeks flushed red from the cold. But it wasn’t just him.

Cradled in his scarred hands, wrapped carefully in the fabric of his cloak, were two tiny creatures—kittens, barely more than lumps of fur, shivering and covered in clumps of ice. Their pitiful mewls were barely audible, their small bodies trembling from the cold.

“They were scratching around outside,” Azriel murmured, stepping past you and into the warmth of the cabin. Snow melted instantly onto the wooden floors, but he didn’t seem to care. His focus was entirely on the fragile little creatures in his grasp.

You blinked, still processing the sight before you. “Kittens?”

Azriel nodded, his wings tucking in slightly as he crouched down by the fire. He carefully unwrapped them, revealing their tiny bodies. One was black as night, save for a single white patch on its tiny chest. The other was a dusty grey, its fur speckled with damp snowflakes.

“They wouldn’t have survived the night out there,” he continued, voice softer now, as if speaking too loud would frighten them.

You dropped to your knees beside him, watching as he gently rubbed the kittens with the edge of his cloak, trying to dry them off. Their little eyes were barely open, their ears still too large for their heads. Helpless.

And yet, they’d been fighting. Scratching at the cold, trying to survive.

Your throat tightened.

Azriel, kneeling in front of the fire, his strong, battle-worn hands delicately handling the smallest, most fragile things you’d ever seen—it did something to you.

“You—” You cleared your throat, suddenly overwhelmed. “You really found them just now?”

He nodded again, shifting slightly so that the fire’s heat would reach them better. “Heard them crying. Took me a minute to find them.”

The thought of Azriel searching through the snow, kneeling in the ice and cold for something this small—this insignificant in the grand scheme of war and training and power—made your chest ache.

Without thinking, you reached out, gently touching the damp fur of the black kitten. It let out the tiniest squeak in response.

Azriel glanced at you then, watching the way your fingers stroked down the kitten’s back. His lips twitched, something softer overtaking his expression. “We should keep them warm,” he murmured, like he’d already decided you were keeping them.

You huffed, shaking your head with a small smile. “You’re unbelievable.”

But you didn’t argue. Instead, you got up to find blankets, already thinking of names.

Azriel’s low, warm laugh filled the cabin as he glanced over at the two daggers you had laid out on the table—the very ones you had yanked from his hidden stash the moment you thought something was breaking into the cabin.

“All that over two kittens?” he mused, shaking his head as he carefully adjusted them closer to the fire. The black one gave a tiny sneeze.

You crossed your arms, huffing. “I thought someone was trying to kill me, Az.”

His wings twitched as he fought back another laugh, his hazel eyes glinting with amusement. “So your first instinct was to dual-wield my daggers?”

“Yes!” You gestured toward the weapons. “Because I thought I was alone! What was I supposed to do? Politely ask an intruder to leave?”

Azriel’s lips curved into something smug. “And now those daggers are protecting two kittens.”

You scowled, but there was no real heat in it. “I hate you.”

He chuckled, settling onto the floor with the tiny bundles of fur still cradled in his cloak. “No, you don’t.” He rubbed a careful finger behind the grey kitten’s ear, his voice turning softer. “You’re going to love them just as much as I do.”

You sighed, glancing between him, the kittens, and the daggers. Muttering under your breath, you scooped up the weapons and returned them to their hiding place. “Next time, I’m stabbing first and asking questions later.”

Azriel just laughed again, shaking his head. “Sure you will.”

With a huff, you turned on your heel and strode toward your bedroom, muttering under your breath about insufferable Illyrians and their stupid smug faces. Azriel’s quiet chuckle followed you as you yanked open your door.

Your room was dimly lit by the fading embers in the hearth, the cool night air slipping through the wooden walls of the cabin. You made your way to the small chest at the foot of your bed, lifting the lid and rummaging through the neatly folded blankets inside.

Soft, thick wool met your fingers first, the one your mother had woven for you last winter. It would be warm, but you hesitated, thinking about the two tiny, soaked creatures shivering in Azriel’s cloak. You needed something softer, gentler.

You pulled out an old flannel blanket instead, the fabric worn from years of use. It had been yours since you were a child, the one Rhys used to tease you for carrying everywhere. It was warm, soft—perfect.

Still, you grabbed a second, heavier one for good measure before making your way back to the sitting room.

Azriel was right where you’d left him, kneeling in front of the fire, his scarred hands carefully adjusting the tiny kittens nestled in his cloak. They looked even smaller now, their thin, damp fur clinging to their frail bodies.

Wordlessly, you handed him the blankets. His fingers brushed yours as he took them, a silent exchange, a quiet understanding.

“You’re a good liar,” he murmured as he spread the softer blanket out before placing the kittens on it.

You frowned. “What?”

Azriel glanced up, amusement flickering in his hazel eyes. “You say you hate me, but here you are, bringing them blankets.”

You rolled your eyes but didn’t argue. Instead, you dropped onto the floor beside him, watching as he carefully tucked the second blanket over the kittens.

“Shut up, Az,” you muttered, but you reached out anyway, gently brushing a finger over the gray kitten’s tiny head.

You scoffed, rolling your eyes as you pulled the second blanket tighter around the kittens. “This has nothing to do with you,” you muttered. “It’s about them.”

Azriel raised a brow, settling back on his heels as he watched you fuss over the tiny creatures. “Oh?” he drawled, amusement lacing his tone.

You shot him a look, gently stroking the damp fur of the black kitten. “They’re helpless. Alone. No one looking out for them.” Your voice was quieter now, the words coming almost absentmindedly as you focused on the small, fragile bodies curled into the blanket. “If I left them out there, they wouldn’t have made it through the night.”

Azriel was silent for a moment. Then, softer than before, he murmured, “I know what that’s like.”

Your fingers stilled against the kitten’s fur, your breath catching slightly. You swallowed, blinking at the firelight flickering against the wooden floorboards.

“Yeah,” you whispered. “I know you do.”

You frowned down at the tiny, shivering kittens, your fingers still smoothing over their damp fur. “What the hell am I even supposed to feed them?” you muttered, glancing up at Azriel.

He blinked at you, clearly caught off guard. “Uh… milk?”

You rolled your eyes. “Brilliant, Shadowsinger. And how do you suppose I get it into their mouths?”

Azriel scratched the back of his neck, looking vaguely uncomfortable. “I don’t know—drip it in?”

You let out a huff, shaking your head. “We don’t exactly have tiny spoons lying around.”

Azriel glanced toward the kitchen, brows furrowing. “Maybe a cloth? Like, soak it and let them suck on it?”

You paused, considering it. “That… might actually work.”

He smirked, looking far too proud of himself. “See? I’m more than just a pretty face.”

You snorted, getting to your feet. “Debatable.”

Azriel just chuckled as you made your way to the kitchen, already muttering about warming the milk and finding a clean cloth.

Azriel stayed seated on the floor, his wings tucked close as he gently rubbed the kittens with the corner of a blanket, trying to dry them off. The tiny creatures trembled in his hands, their small bodies barely bigger than his palms. He frowned, his scarred fingers careful as he tucked them closer to the warmth.

You returned a few moments later with a small bowl of warm milk and a clean scrap of cloth. Kneeling beside him, you dipped the fabric into the milk, letting it soak before bringing it toward the first kitten’s tiny mouth.

“Come on, little one,” you murmured, voice softer than you meant it to be. The kitten sniffed hesitantly before its tiny tongue flicked out, lapping at the damp cloth.

Azriel exhaled, shoulders relaxing slightly. “It’s working.”

You nudged him playfully. “Told you.”

He smirked, shaking his head. “That was my idea.”

You ignored him, focusing on feeding the second kitten. This one took a bit longer, weakly turning its head before finally accepting the milk. Azriel watched the entire time, an unreadable expression on his face.

“You’re good at this,” he murmured.

You arched a brow at him. “What, keeping helpless creatures alive?”

His smirk faded, something more serious lingering in his hazel eyes. “Yeah.”

Your stomach twisted at the weight of his gaze, but you pushed it aside, focusing back on the kittens. “Well, let’s hope they make it through the night.”

Azriel nodded, but as you worked together to keep them warm and fed, you swore you felt his attention linger on you a little longer than necessary.

As the kittens curled up in the blankets, finally warm and fed, you leaned back against the wooden floor, watching them with a soft expression. Azriel, still crouched beside them, absentmindedly stroked one with the tip of his finger, his wings slightly flared to keep the warmth trapped around them.

You tilted your head, studying him. “So… you fought for a weekend pass?”

Azriel didn’t look at you right away. He kept his focus on the kittens, his jaw tightening slightly before he nodded. “Yeah.”

Your eyes narrowed. “Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why fight for it?” You crossed your arms, leaning in slightly. “Rhys and Cassian couldn’t.”

Azriel let out a quiet huff, finally meeting your gaze. “I fought for it because I could.”

You gave him a flat look. “That’s not an answer.”

He sighed, rolling his shoulders as if shaking off the weight of the question. “I don’t know,” he admitted after a moment. “Something felt… off. Like I needed to be here.”

You stared at him, something tightening in your chest. It was ridiculous—there was no way he could’ve known anything was wrong before he left the camps. And yet…

“You’re lucky,” you muttered, looking away. “I might’ve stabbed you on instinct when you walked in.”

Azriel huffed a quiet laugh. “Wouldn’t be the first time someone’s tried.”

You glanced at him, a small smirk tugging at your lips. “Yeah, well, I would’ve gotten away with it.”

His eyes glinted with amusement. “Doubtful.”

You rolled your eyes, but the warmth in his expression lingered. And despite everything, for the first time all night, you didn’t feel so alone.

Azriel leaned back against the couch, stretching his legs out in front of him. The fire crackled, casting warm light over the small space as the two of you sat in silence, watching the kittens squirm closer together in the blankets.

You fiddled with a loose thread on your sleeve before finally speaking. “So… what did you tell the commander?”

Azriel glanced at you, raising a brow. “For the pass?”

You nodded.

He hesitated for a moment, then smirked slightly. “Told him I had unfinished business in the mountains and he let me fight for it.”

You frowned. “That’s it?”

He shrugged. “I don’t think he cared enough to question me.”

You snorted. “Must be nice to get away with anything just because you can brood well.”

Azriel chuckled under his breath. “It’s a talent.”

You rolled your eyes but found yourself smiling despite everything. Silence settled again, comfortable this time, as you watched the kittens shift in their sleep. You still weren’t sure what to do with them, but at least they were safe for now.

After a few moments, Azriel spoke again, voice quieter this time. “I meant it, you know.”

You glanced at him, brow furrowed. “Meant what?”

“That something felt wrong.” His golden eyes flickered to yours, serious now. “Like I was supposed to be here.”

Your throat tightened slightly, and you looked away. You didn’t know how to respond to that—not without acknowledging the strange comfort that had settled in your chest the moment he’d walked through the door.

Instead, you nudged one of the kittens with a finger, watching as it stirred slightly. “Well,” you said after a moment, keeping your tone light, “good thing you showed up when you did.”

Azriel hummed. “Yeah. Good thing.”

And for the first time that night, you believed it.

Azriel’s gaze flickered to the small table near the couch, where your book lay open, the spine barely holding together from how often you’d read it. He reached for it, careful not to smudge the ink with the faint traces of snow still melting from his gloves.

“You were reading?” he asked, his voice almost teasing.

You scoffed. “What else would I be doing?”

He hummed, flipping the page absentmindedly. “Hiding weapons, apparently.”

You rolled your eyes but didn’t argue. Instead, you watched as his fingers traced the lines of text, his brow furrowing slightly as he read a passage.

“You always read this one,” he murmured.

You hesitated before answering. “It’s a good book.”

Azriel glanced at you, tilting his head. “It’s about a warrior.”

You shrugged. “So?”

“So, I thought you preferred stories about scholars.”

You sighed, pulling the blanket tighter around the kittens. “Maybe I like both.”

Azriel smirked but didn’t push further. He turned his attention back to the book, scanning another passage before finally closing it and setting it aside.

“You never finish it,” he noted.

You swallowed. “I already know how it ends.”

His gaze lingered on you for a moment before he nodded, as if he understood exactly what you meant. Then, without another word, he leaned back into the couch, letting the firelight flicker between you.

Azriel leaned back against the couch, arms resting loosely over his knees as he watched you. His hazel eyes flickered with something unreadable in the dim firelight. After a moment, he nodded toward the book still sitting on the table.

"Tell me about it," he said.

You glanced at him, surprised. "You want me to explain the book to you?"

He shrugged. "You read it enough times. Must mean something to you."

You hesitated, running your fingers over the frayed edges of the blanket wrapped around the kittens. You weren’t sure why it mattered, why he cared. But there was something in the way he looked at you—expectant, patient—that made you want to answer.

"It's about a warrior," you started, shifting slightly to face him more. "But not the kind everyone respects. He's—" You stopped, choosing your words carefully. "He's underestimated. Always overlooked. But he never stops fighting."

Azriel's expression didn't change, but his eyes sharpened. "Fighting for what?"

"For himself," you said softly. "For a place in the world."

A long silence stretched between you, broken only by the occasional crackle of the fire. Azriel’s gaze stayed on you, unreadable, but there was something there—something knowing.

Finally, he said, “Sounds like someone I know.”

You scoffed. “Don’t flatter yourself.”

A rare smirk tugged at his lips, but it faded just as quickly. “That’s not what I meant.” His voice had lost its teasing edge. “I meant you.”

Your breath caught slightly, but you masked it with a scoff, shaking your head. “I don’t have anything to fight for.”

Azriel’s eyes darkened. “That’s a lie.”

You didn’t answer. Couldn’t. Instead, you reached for the book and held it up between you. "Want me to keep going, or are you just going to sit there and psychoanalyze me?"

His smirk returned, softer this time. "Both."

You rolled your eyes but opened the book anyway. And as you read, Azriel sat quietly, listening—not just to the story, but to you.

You read aloud, your voice soft in the quiet of the cabin, the firelight flickering against the walls. The kittens stirred slightly in their blanket, one of them letting out a tiny sigh as it nestled closer to the warmth. Azriel remained where he was, eyes trained on you, though his expression had relaxed into something almost peaceful.

After a while, you glanced up at him. "You’re actually listening?"

His lips quirked. "You sound surprised."

You snorted. "You never sit still long enough for a story."

Azriel shrugged, shifting slightly but making no move to leave. "I like the way you tell it."

You blinked at him, caught off guard by the quiet sincerity in his tone. A warmth spread through your chest, unexpected and unfamiliar. You swallowed it down, rolling your eyes as you turned back to the book.

“Alright, Shadowsinger. Try to keep up.”

You kept reading, and he kept listening, and for the first time in a long while, the cabin didn’t feel quite so empty.

The fire crackled as you continued reading, the warmth of the cabin pressing in around you both. Azriel shifted, resting his forearms on his knees as he listened, his eyes half-lidded but focused. You weren’t sure if he was actually interested in the story or if he was just content to sit here with you, but he hadn’t moved an inch since you’d started.

The kittens stirred again, one of them attempting to crawl onto Azriel’s lap. Without hesitation, he scooped the tiny creature up in his scarred hands, his touch surprisingly gentle as he tucked it back into the blankets. The sight of him—lethal, quiet Azriel cradling something so small—made something twist in your chest.

"You should sleep," he murmured after a while, breaking the silence.

You huffed a laugh. "You’re the one who’s been running around in the snow all night. Shouldn’t you be sleeping?"

Azriel smirked. "I’ve had worse nights."

You rolled your eyes but didn’t argue. Instead, you closed the book, setting it aside before leaning back against the couch. "Fine. But you’re stuck with these two now," you said, nodding toward the kittens.

He glanced at them, still curled up in their little blanket nest. "Guess that makes us their parents now."

You snorted. "Terrifying thought."

Azriel only chuckled, shaking his head as he leaned back, his wings shifting slightly. The firelight flickered over Azriel’s face as he watched the kittens, his expression unreadable. You shifted slightly, pulling the blankets tighter around them, making sure they were warm. The little creatures had barely stopped shivering since he found them, but now, tucked between the two of you, they were finally settling.

Azriel reached out absently, his fingers brushing over one of their tiny ears. “They’re so small,” he murmured.

You huffed. “That’s usually how kittens work.”

His lips quirked, but his hazel eyes remained distant, thoughtful. You recognized that look—the one that meant he was somewhere else in his mind, somewhere darker.

You nudged him lightly with your foot. “Where’d you go?”

Azriel blinked, snapping out of whatever thoughts had stolen him away. “Nowhere.”

“Liar.”

His jaw tightened for a fraction of a second before he exhaled through his nose. “I was just thinking.”

You didn’t push, waiting instead. That was always how it worked with Azriel—if you waited long enough, he’d let you in.

After a pause, he said quietly, “They would’ve died out there.”

You swallowed, understanding now. It wasn’t just about the kittens. Azriel had once been left in the cold, too—left to die, left to suffer. And no one had come for him.

But tonight, he had been the one to save something small and helpless.

“They’re safe now,” you said softly.

Azriel nodded, but you saw the tension in his shoulders, the way his fingers flexed as if he still wasn’t sure if safety was something real, something permanent.

Without thinking, you reached out, your fingers barely grazing his wrist. Just a small touch, grounding. Azriel looked at you, startled, but he didn’t pull away.

For a moment, neither of you spoke. The fire crackled, the wind howled faintly outside, but here—here, it was warm.

And maybe, just for tonight, that was enough.

Azriel’s eyes lingered on where your fingers brushed against his wrist. You half-expected him to pull away, to close himself off like he always did when something felt too much. But he didn’t. Instead, he exhaled, the tension in his shoulders loosening just slightly.

The kittens stirred between you, one of them curling into your lap, the other nestling against Azriel’s side. His gloved fingers twitched before he carefully, hesitantly, stroked the small creature’s fur. It let out a tiny, contented sigh.

You watched him, your voice softer now. “Why’d you really fight for that weekend pass? I know you trust me to be alone so what's the other reason.”

Azriel didn’t answer immediately. His thumb traced absent circles on the kitten’s head, his gaze still far away. Then, quietly, he admitted, “I just… I didn’t want to be there.”

Your brows furrowed. “The training?”

He shook his head. “The camps. Being surrounded by them.” He didn’t have to say who they were—the other warriors, the ones who had spent years taunting and ridiculing him. Even as Rhysand and Cassian fought for him, as they carved out space for him, there were still plenty who saw him as nothing more than a bastard-born wretch with shadows for blood.

Your stomach twisted. “You could’ve gone anywhere, then. You could’ve gone to Velaris for the weekend.”

His hazel eyes flickered to yours, something hesitant lurking in them. “I wanted to be here.”

Your breath caught. With you. He didn’t say it, but the words hummed in the silence between you, unspoken but there.

You swallowed, looking down at the kitten curled in your lap, stroking its soft fur to distract from the way your heart was suddenly pounding. “Well,” you murmured, trying to keep your voice light, “lucky you showed up when you did. I had just armed myself to the teeth over a pair of kittens.”

Azriel huffed a quiet laugh. “Yeah,” he said, shaking his head. “That’s a sight I won’t forget anytime soon.”

You glanced down at the two tiny kittens, who were now curled up in the blankets you’d gathered. One of them let out a tiny, sleepy sigh, its little paws twitching as it dozed off.

Azriel was still stroking the other absentmindedly, his touch lighter than you’d ever seen it. His scarred fingers barely skimmed the soft fur, as if he were afraid he might break the tiny creature.

A thought struck you, and you smirked, tilting your head to look at him. “Did you even check what gender they are?”

Azriel blinked, looking up from the kitten like you’d just asked him the most complicated question in the world. “What?”

You grinned. “You heard me, Shadowsinger. Did you actually check, or did you just swoop in, play hero, and assume?”

Azriel narrowed his eyes at you. “I was a little preoccupied with the fact that they were half-frozen.”

You laughed, shaking your head. “Well, let’s see then.” Carefully, you scooped up the kitten in your lap, gently tilting it to check. “This one’s a girl,” you announced.

Azriel eyed the one still in his lap. “How are you so sure?”

You rolled your eyes. “I grew up taking in strays, remember? Unlike someone, I know how to check.”

Azriel gave you a flat look but still, hesitantly, lifted his own kitten to check. A second passed. Then another.

“Well?” you prompted.

Azriel sighed. “Another girl.”

You grinned. “Looks like you just brought home two little ladies, Shadowsinger.”

He muttered something under his breath, but you could see the ghost of a smile on his lips as he set the kitten back down.

“They’re going to need names, you know,” you mused.

Azriel just hummed, eyes still on the tiny creatures. “You name them,” he said, voice quieter now.

You blinked, glancing at him. “Really?”

He nodded, fingers still idly stroking the soft fur. “You’re better at that sort of thing.”

Something warm bloomed in your chest at that.

Maybe it was the firelight flickering in his hazel eyes, or the fact that he had chosen to be here, with you, instead of anywhere else. But for the first time in a long while, you felt like you weren’t just a girl in a cabin with her books.

You were his person. The one he came back to.

You turned your attention back to the two tiny, shivering kittens. Their fur was still slightly damp from the melted snow, but they were tucked in so deep in the blankets that warmth was finally settling into their small bodies.

Azriel was watching you closely, his expression unreadable, but there was a softness there—something rare. Something reserved only for moments like this.

You ran a gentle finger over one of the kittens' tiny ears. “Alright,” you murmured, thinking. “How about… Nyra for this one?” You pointed to the smaller of the two, the one with the white-tipped paws.

Azriel considered it for a moment, then gave a small nod. “Nyra,” he repeated. “Sounds fitting.”

That alone made you smile, knowing he wasn’t just humouring you—he genuinely liked it.

You turned to the second kitten, the one currently curled into Azriel’s lap. “And this one… maybe Sora?”

Azriel hummed, running a careful hand down her back. “Nyra and Sora,” he mused. “They sound like trouble.”

You snorted. “Like you wouldn’t take in the most troublesome creatures you could find.”

He smirked, a glint of amusement flashing through his hazel eyes. “I took you in, didn’t I?”

You gasped, swatting at his arm. “I took you in, actually. You’re the one who showed up on my doorstep with these two.”

Azriel laughed, and it was a sound so rare that it made warmth flood your chest. It was quiet, barely more than a breath, but it was real.

For a moment, the cold outside didn’t exist. The camps didn’t exist. There was no looming war, no responsibilities, no future heartbreak waiting in the shadows.

It was just you and Azriel, in your tiny cabin, with two tiny creatures that now belonged to you.

Azriel was still watching the kittens when you hesitated, shifting slightly on the floor where you sat. You fiddled with the edge of the blanket draped over your legs, suddenly unsure if this was stupid or not.

But then you sighed, shaking off the hesitation, and reached beside you to grab something from under the chair.

“When I got bored earlier,” you started, keeping your voice casual, “I actually tried making something.”

Azriel glanced at you then, interest flickering in his gaze. “Oh?”

You nodded, rubbing your thumb over the woven strands of fabric in your hands. “Yeah. I, uh…” You huffed a quiet laugh. “I felt like stabbing something, honestly, but my mother would have killed me if I started hacking at her sewing materials.”

Azriel’s lips twitched. “That’s fair.”

“So,” you continued, holding up the thing you had made, “I figured I should braid something instead.”

You let the piece of fabric unfurl between your fingers, revealing the long, intricate fishtail braid you had spent hours working on. The deep blue and black threads were woven together tightly, not perfect, but solid.

Azriel reached out, running a scarred finger over the braid with an unreadable expression. “You made this?”

You nodded, feeling a little ridiculous now that you were actually showing him. “Took me four hours,” you admitted, wrinkling your nose. “Which, now that I say it out loud, sounds pathetic.”

Azriel picked it up, turning it in his hands carefully. “It doesn’t.”

You scoffed. “It does.”

He ignored you, still examining the braid. “Why did you make it for me?”

You shrugged, suddenly feeling a bit embarrassed. “I don’t know. I was thinking about you while I was doing it, I guess.” You forced a smirk. “And I know you’re dramatic enough to wear something like this on your leathers.”

Azriel huffed a quiet laugh, shaking his head. “Dramatic?”

“Yes.”

He shot you a dry look but didn’t argue. Instead, he ran his fingers along the woven strands again before tying it around his wrist.

Your breath hitched slightly as you watched him secure it. “You’re wearing it?”

He looked up at you, something softer in his eyes. “You made it,” he said simply.

Something warm curled in your chest. You looked away before he could see the way your face heated. “It’s not that great.”

“It’s perfect.”

You swallowed, focusing on the kittens instead of the way your heart stuttered in your chest. “You’re ridiculous.”

Azriel only smirked, leaning back against the chair. “And yet you’re the one making me gifts.”

Azriel let his arm rest on his bent knee, the braid still wrapped snugly around his wrist. His fingers absentmindedly traced over the woven strands, his expression unreadable.

You kept your focus on the kittens, using the excuse of adjusting their blankets to keep from looking at him. The warmth in your chest from seeing him wear your braid still lingered, and you weren’t entirely sure what to do with it.

Silence stretched between you for a moment before Azriel finally spoke.

“I don’t think anyone’s ever made me something before besides your mother giving me clothes.”

Your fingers stilled. Slowly, you turned to him, brows furrowing slightly. “Really?”

He gave a small shrug, looking down at his wrist. “Really.”

You chewed on your lip. It wasn’t like it was something extravagant—it was just a simple braid. But the way he kept touching it, the way his voice was so quiet when he spoke…

You cleared your throat, trying to ignore the sudden tightness in your chest. “Well,” you said, keeping your voice light, “I guess that just means I get the honor of being the first.”

Azriel’s lips curved slightly, but he didn’t say anything.

The fire crackled softly in the hearth, casting a warm glow around the room. The snow continued to fall outside, blanketing the world in white.

After a moment, Azriel’s voice cut through the quiet again.

“You should make more.”

You blinked. “More what?”

He gestured vaguely at his wrist. “Braids.”

You raised an eyebrow. “You want me to make you more?”

Azriel shrugged. “Maybe.” His fingers drummed lightly against his knee. “It’s nice.”

A small, amused smile tugged at your lips. “You’re unbelievable.”

He just smirked. “And yet you’re still sitting here with me instead of kicking me out.”

You rolled your eyes, but there was no real annoyance behind it. Instead, you reached over, running a gentle hand over one of the kittens as it purred.

“Maybe I will make more,” you muttered.

Azriel’s smirk softened into something quieter, something you couldn’t quite place. “Good.”

A soft rustling came from the pile of blankets, followed by a tiny, high-pitched mewl. You glanced down just in time to see one of the kittens—Nyra—stretching her tiny paws forward, her mouth opening in a silent yawn. The little black-and-white fluffball wobbled unsteadily as she tried to sit up, blinking groggily.

Sora wasn’t far behind. The little gray kitten, slightly smaller than her sister, let out a chirping noise before nuzzling against Nyra’s side for warmth. But after a few seconds, she, too, pushed herself up onto unsteady paws, her tail twitching as she adjusted to being awake.

Azriel chuckled as he watched them. “Guess they’re finally ready to explore their new home.”

You smiled as Nyra took a brave step forward—only to immediately tumble sideways onto Sora. Sora let out a tiny squeak in protest, batting at her sister with an uncoordinated paw.

“They’re hopeless,” you murmured, reaching out to gently straighten Nyra again. The kitten blinked up at you, her little pink nose twitching.

Azriel smirked. “They’ll fit right in, then.”

You shot him a look, but he only laughed.

Nyra, now more confident on her feet, started sniffing at the folds of the blanket, her ears perked forward with curiosity. Sora, after a moment of watching, mimicked her, the two of them wobbling forward together in tiny, unsteady steps.

You shook your head fondly. “We’re going to have our hands full, aren’t we?”

Azriel hummed in agreement, but his attention was still on the kittens. Something in his gaze was softer than usual, like he was allowing himself to enjoy this moment in a way he rarely did.

You leaned back slightly, watching as Nyra pounced—if you could even call it that—on a loose thread of the blanket. She missed entirely, tumbling into Sora instead. Sora let out a disgruntled chirp, but rather than moving away, she curled up against her sister, blinking sleepily again.

Azriel exhaled a quiet laugh. “Hopeless,” he repeated.

You just smiled.

Nyra and Sora, despite their brief moment of wakefulness, were already curling back up together, little bodies pressed close for warmth. You reached out, gently running a finger over Nyra’s tiny head, feeling the soft fur beneath your touch. She let out a contented little sigh but didn’t stir much beyond that.

Azriel shifted beside you, resting his forearm on his knee as he watched them with a quiet sort of fondness. “They’re going to be spoiled, aren’t they?”

You smirked. “Of course they are.”

His eyes flicked to you, something unreadable in them for a moment before he glanced back at the kittens. A comfortable silence stretched between you, filled only by the distant crackling of the fire in the hearth and the occasional rustling as one of the kittens adjusted.

Eventually, Azriel leaned back slightly, stretching out his legs in front of him. “You know,” he mused, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this… maternal.”

You snorted. “I’m not maternal. They’re just tiny and helpless, and I don’t want them to die.”

Azriel chuckled under his breath, shaking his head. “Right. That’s all it is.”

You nudged him with your elbow, rolling your eyes. “Don’t start.”

He grinned but didn’t push further. Instead, he let his head rest against the back of the couch, exhaling slowly.

For a moment, you just watched him, noting how much more relaxed he seemed here than he ever did at the camps. Maybe it was the warmth of the fire, the soft sounds of the kittens breathing, or the simple fact that, for once, he wasn’t expected to be training or on edge. Whatever it was, you found yourself wishing he could have more moments like this.

“You should get some rest,” Azriel murmured suddenly, eyes still closed.

You scoffed. “You’re one to talk.”

His lips quirked, but he didn’t argue.

The fire flickered, casting shadows along the walls, and you let yourself relax just a little bit more, listening to the quiet of the cabin.

Without thinking much of it, you shifted slightly and leaned against Azriel’s shoulder. His body tensed for just a moment—barely noticeable—but then he relaxed, adjusting just enough to accommodate your weight.

Neither of you said anything about it.

The fire crackled in the hearth, the warmth of it seeping into your skin, but it wasn’t nearly as comforting as the solid presence of Azriel beside you. He smelled like fresh air and steel, like the crisp chill of the mountains and something else uniquely him.

His shoulder was firm beneath you, the muscles taut from years of training, but he didn’t move away, didn’t tease or make a comment. Instead, he just sat there, breathing steady, his gaze still fixed on the sleeping kittens.

For a long while, neither of you spoke. The silence between you wasn’t uncomfortable—it was the kind that settled in deep, wrapping around you like a thick, well-worn blanket.

Eventually, Azriel let out a soft breath. “You’re going to fall asleep like this.”

You hummed, eyes growing heavier by the second. “Maybe.”

He huffed a quiet laugh but didn’t push you away. Instead, you felt the slightest shift in his posture, as if he were leaning into you just as much as you were leaning into him.

#acotar #acotar x reader #azriel acotar #azriel x reader #azriel #azriel shadowsinger #azriel x oc #azriel fanfic #azriel spymaster #azriel x y/n #azriel x you #azriel imagine #acotar fanfiction #acomaf #acowar #acofas #acosf #az

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lightsoutmatthews · 2 days ago

Text

Pick Up - Seth Jarvis

summary: after a fight Andrei calls you to pick a very drunk Seth up from the bar.

pairing: Seth Jarvis x female!reader

word count: 2.2k

warnings: alcohol consumption, being drunk

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The shrill sound of your ringtone ripped you from your light sleep. You had just finally managed to fall asleep after you kept overthinking everything that had happened today.

It was late. A quick look at the top of the screen, while the phone was still ringing, told you it was shortly after 3 am.

But while you still woke up and tried to figure out how late it was the phone stopped ringing, but the screen told you that Andrei had called.

Your eyes furrowed in confusion. Why was one of your boyfriends friends calling you in the middle of the night?

Was Seth okay?

The thought of your boyfriend stung in your heart. You still remembered how you stormed out of his apartment earlier in the day. You had a fight. A simple disagreement over a small thing that turned into a bigger issue than either of you were expecting.

The words you had fired at each other were still lingering in your head. It wasn’t particularly hurtful things, nothing that would warrant something drastic. It was something you would need to talk about but nothing that could lead to the end of the relationship.

You knew you had overreacted. But so had he. Not really talking to you or answering your texts while he was on the road was a small thing, and you knew how busy he was. But when you heard the other wives and girlfriends talk about how much they talked to their significant others you felt hurt.

You knew you hadn’t been in a relationship for long and that he had been part of the "single guys" group basically ever since he joined the team.

He wasn’t used to have someone waiting for him at home, someone who was looking forward to hearing from him but that didn´t warrant him ignoring you for hours at the time. Expecting to hear from him on a regular basis didn’t seem outrageous to you but when you brought it up it somehow escalated.

It was like both of you talked in circles. Him arguing that be was busy on the road and that he was trying, you arguing that others were trying harder. It was stupid really but neither of you budged so it led to you leaving.

You hadn’t heard from him since but Andrei calling you worried you. He wouldn’t be calling in the middle of the night if it wasn’t something serious, right?

But before you could think about it any further the phone rang again.

Andrei Svechnikov.

“Hello?” You voice still laced with sleep; your eyes still heavy aching to close again and let slumber take over.

“Hey.” The Russian accent on the other side of the line was unmistakably Andrei. “I´m sorry I´m calling in the middle of the night.”

“Is Seth okay?” The worry in your voice was heavy. “Yeah, he´s fine.” A short pause from the other end of the line. “Drunk, but fine. That´s why I´m calling actually.” You let out a heavy breath. He was okay, that was the most important thing.

Mumbling on the other side. You weren’t sure if Andrei was still on the line. “Sorry, were outside of a bar, KK was just trying to stop Jarvy from running into traffic.” Sitting up in bed, you turned on the small lamp on the bedside table, casting your bedroom in a softly lit space that was a massive contrast to the darkness that was looming outside.

“Who are you on the phone with, Svechyyyy.” Seth´s slight Canadian accent halled in the background. “No one, drink your water.” Andrei said, letting out a heavy sign before focusing back on the call.

“I know you had a fight, he´s been upset about it all night, I don’t even know if you want to see him, but can you please pick him up? All he asked all night was to call you and see you."

Now you let out a loud sigh. You weren’t thrilled to leave the house in the middle of the night, especially not to go to a bar in downtown Raleigh to pick up your apparently very drunk boyfriend.

“Drop me a pin, I will be there as soon as I can.”

The message came through seconds after you ended the call. You know you should hurry to not let his friends take care of him any longer, but you couldn’t bring yourself to rush. After putting on a pair of leggings and a hoodie you stole from Seth you slipped into your sneakers and made your way to the parking garage.

When you arrived at the location 30 minutes later Andrei, Jesperi, Seth and Pyotr were outside, Seth sitting on the curb surrounded by his friends. You parked the car and climbed out, Pyotr spotting you before the others, a smile spreading across his face.

You hadn’t talked much to the Russian goaltender, partly because of his still limited English but also the lack of opportunities to meet him. Still, he´d always been incredibly kind to you. His usual calm presence off the ice something you appreciated in the situation.

“Hey guys.” You said when you reached the group. “Heyyyyy.” Seth slurred, trying to get up from the ground but stumbling as soon as he set one foot up. “Hey, thank you for coming.” Andrei said, wrapping you into a quick hug. “Good to see you, even if it´s under these circumstances.”

You greeted KK with a smile and a nod before looking back down on your boyfriend who returned to sitting rather than standing.

“How much did he drink?” You asked his friends. “Too much.” Pyotr laughed quietly. “He was really upset.” Andrei added, as if it was a valid excuse for him to be almost blackout drunk.

You shot them a look, thoughts racing around how you would get Seth back into his apartment. “Get him in the car," you huffed. The sooner you got this over with the better.

Andrei and KK wrangled Seth into the passenger seat. “Say bye, Seth.” You said when the two of them are back on the curb. “Bye, Seth,” he said with a bright smile. It almost made you laugh. “Thank you again.” Andrei shouted before you drove off and closed the window.

-------------------

“You´re pretty.” Seth mumbled as his glance focused and lingered on you for the first time since showing up at the bar. “I know that hoodie from somewhere.” He continued and you had to hold another chuckle.

You let him ramble while you drove, he gave you compliments, talked about nonsense and eventually drifted off, as the streets of Raleigh passed outside. His head leaned against the window, eyes shut, breathing heavy but relaxed.

It would be at least another 25 minutes to his apartment and right now you were happy about the silence. There was still a lingering anger in you that did not want to go away as you kept glancing on the sleeping figure next to you, making sure he was okay. It’s not like you stopped caring just because you were angry.

When you pulled into the visitors parking lot of Seth’s apartment building you softly shook his shoulder to get him to wake up. There was no way you were able to get him upstairs while he was sleeping. He needed to walk on his own.

He looked at you confused when he woke. “Come on, honey.” You whispered softly before carefully grabbing his arm, helping him to get out of the car. “You´re nice.” He mumbled still half asleep.

You greeted the night manager at the front desk with a nod before leading your boyfriend to the elevator and pressing the button for his floor.

His weight was heavy on your shoulder and since he was more leaning on you for support than you hoped you struggled to stand upright. “Seth, let go of me. Hold onto the wall or something.” You whisper shouted to get your point across.

“But you´re warm and comfortable,” he sighed.

Warmth spread through you as you listened to him ramble again. He gave you many compliments throughout the day when he wasn’t drunk, but this took it to a new level. “You´re so nice.” He repeated the words from a few minutes ago. You just chuckled.

Pulling his keys from his jacket you opened the door to the apartment and drag him inside. Planting him on the couch you took of his shoes and jacket before heading into the kitchen to grab him another water.

“Thank you. That’s so nice of you.” He laughed, gripping the bottle a little too hard so that half of the water spilled on him and the couch. You rolled your eyes and ran to grab a towel from the kitchen.

When you started to clean up, he wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you onto his lap. You wanted to protest but you knew it wouldn’t be much use. So, you let him.

“You´re so good to me, can you be my girlfriend?” You whipped your head around and starred directly into his eyes with a slight smile on your lips. “I already am.” You replied with a soft chuckle, which earned you a soft smile from him. “Oh, lucky me.” He giggled before pulling you closer to his chest, pressing his head between your shoulder blades.

That night you settled into his bed alone while letting him stay on the couch. Shortly after he snuggled you, you got up to put the towel away and when you returned to the living room, he was asleep again.

Deciding that waking him and getting him into bed would be too much trouble you grabbed a blanket and carefully laid it over him before heading into his bedroom to take yourself to sleep.

---------------------

When you woke up the next morning it was close to 11 am. A heavy arm was draped around your waist and soft breathing tickled in your neck. Carefully turning around to see your boyfriend next to you. He was fast asleep looking as peaceful as ever.

You didn’t know when he came into the bedroom, but you enjoyed his presence. His warmth something you had missed that night even though you were used to sleeping without him.

He groaned when you tried to slip out if his grasp and tightened his grip on your waist. “Stay,” he grumbled. Reluctantly you gave in, slid back into his embrace and rested your head on his chest. “What time is it?” He groaned into your hair. “Around 11.”

“God, my head is killing me,” he mumbled after a few minutes of silence. You chuckled. “I´m not surprised.” Another, longer groan leaves his mouth. “Don’t make fun of me, babe, I´m in pain.” You laughed at his dramatics before turning around in his grip to face him.

That seemed the first time he actually registered that you were here. “Wait, how are you here?” He asked, suddenly sounding not sleepy or hungover at all.

Before you could get a word in, he spoke again. “I swear you left yesterday after our fight and you didn’t come back before I left to hang out with the guys.” Confusion laced with what you assumed was concern written all over his face.

“I planned on showing up at your apartment with lunch today to apologize.” He squinted his eyes trying to make sense of the situation which made you laugh. “Andrei called me last night to pick you up because you couldn’t stop talking about me.” His eyes flew open in surprise. “And you came?”

You were surprised by his words. “Of course I came. I would never leave you stranded somewhere, even when I´m angry at you.” His eyes softened followed by a mumbled “I´m sorry.”

“I´m sorry too.” You buried your nose in his chest, his familiar scent prominent but since he hadn’t showered since leaving the bar it was mixed with a hint of alcohol and bar.

“I´ll try to be better, okay? If the other guys can do it so can I.” A few incoherent mumbles that were swallowed by the fabric of his shirt followed from your side. “You have to take your face out of my shirt so I can understand you.” He chuckled and brushed a strand of your hair out of your face.

A loving glance spreading along his face as he locked his eyes with yours.

“I said, I overreacted. Can we love each other again?” Your question made him laugh. “I always love you.” A soft kiss to your lips followed. “I love you too.”

“Good, now that we got this out of the way, can we please go back to sleep? I need at least two more hours and some pain killers to become a functioning human being,” he groaned, which made you chuckled before snuggling back into his chest.

“Sure, but only if you treat me to that Chinese place later.” He laughed before wincing at his own loud sounds. “Promised.”

#seth jarvis #carolina hurricanes #seth jarvis imagine #carolina hurricanes imagine #seth jarvis x reader #nhl imagine

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mariasont · 1 day ago

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We Reap What I Sow - S.R

you fight, you burn, you break apart, and then you pull him back in — again and again, as if love is something that can't exist without wreckage

pairings: s6!spencer reid x reader warnings: reader is a villain (sorry yall), toxic relationship, emotional manipulation & gaslighting, obsession, codependency, unreliable (heavy on this) narrator, angst, toxic sexual dynamics mentioned?, sex and violence closely linked, mentions of rough handlings? (nothing crazy), alcohol use, no clear resolution wc: 2.3k request: here

Your fingers move faster than your conscience, like an invocation. You text without thinking, apologize without meaning it. You're sure if you type hard enough, fast enough, maybe you can summon him from the ether, resurrect him from silence. Silence is worse than anger.

Spencer, please. Send.

Spence, I’m sorry. I swear I didn’t mean it. Send.

Are you seriously ignoring me right now? Send.

Don’t be an asshole. Send

Your drink is half-melted and too sweet now, but you drink it anyway. The bar lights bleed across the counter, flickering in and out like dying fireflies. Your friend is saying something – was saying something — but you weren’t listening. Work gossip, maybe. A guy. You nod when it feels right, laugh when you think you should.

Your phone vibrates — Spencer. No. Just your banking app reminding you how much you’ve spent tonight.

You down the rest of your drink, tongue flicking out to catch the last traces of whatever the hell this was supposed to taste like before firing off another text.

I know you’re mad. I just need to talk to you. Please. Send.

“Hello? Earth to psycho girlfriend?”

The bar sways, or that might just be your stomach catching up to the alcohol. Okay. Maybe you’re drunker than you thought. You close your phone, pushing it under your clutch as if that’ll erase the texts you’ve already sent.

“I’m fine.”

Your friend snorts, swirling what’s left of her own drink. “You’re, like, four seconds away from showing up at his apartment.”

“I am not. God. I’m not that desperate.”

“Babe.”

“I’m not,” you insist, crossing your arms. “I’m just… considering all my options.”

“Right. And one of those options isn’t showing up at his apartment?”

You sigh, rubbing your temples. “Okay, but why is it always on me? Like, why do I have to be the mature one and not do the thing I want to do?”

“Because you’ll regret it?”

You scoff. “Yeah, well. I’ll also regret not doing it.”

“So I think what I’ve gathered is you both enable each other’s worst behaviors?”

You blink at her for a second before smiling. “I mean, we have fun though.”

That's a lie by omission. It’s not fun by normal standards. Not in the way people mean when they say it. It’s just… habitual self-destruction. The way you press your palm against a hot stove, just to see how long you can hold it there. The way you drink on an empty stomach, knowing you’ll feel it sooner, harder, faster.

It’s last summer, a nameless hotel hallway that smelled like bleach, his hand bruising your wrist, voice a slow-burn — you want me to lose my temper? And something inside you thrilled at threat because yes, yes, let’s stop pretending, let’s make this hurt, make me matter enough to break you.

It’s that fight in the car, rain slashing sideways, nails biting into your palms as you threw the words like glass — why don’t you just leave me, then? And his hands slammed the wheel, voice breaking apart when he begged you to shut up.

It’s the night you deleted his number, not because you were done, but because you wanted to see if he’d crawl for you. If he’d go mad wondering where you were, what you were doing, who you were with.

And he did.

It’s tonight, when you let another man lean in too close, let his lips brush your ear, let him say something forgettable, disposable, background noise. You didn’t hear him. You didn’t care. Because it wasn’t about him. It was about Spencer. It’s always about Spencer. About pressing on the bruise until he flinches, making sure he sees.

And Spencer did.

Right before he turned, before he walked away, before you could decide if you wanted to chase after him or let the wound fester.

You’re good at this. You’re an artist. A sculptor of narratives. A surgeon of half-truths.

You don’t lie — not really. You just bend the story with careful hands, carve the angles sharp enough to dismantle, tilt the light until Spencer’s face is shadowed as the villain. Until he is the one who obsesses, who picks and picks until he draws blood. Until he is the one who turns love into madness.

And sometimes, sure. That’s true of him.

But what you never say — what you never let yourself say — is that you planted the seeds yourself. That you fed them. Watered them. Built a trellis for them to climb. You created the house, laid the foundation, furnished every corner with suspicion and longing, and then stood outside and called it a prison.

And now, tonight, you’re rolling your eyes, laughing too loud, shaking your head as you tell your friend he always does this. You make him sound crazy, childish. Like his anger isn’t justified. Like his absence wasn’t the only thing that ever made sense.

But deep down, beyond the haze of liquor and the comfortable show of self-righteousness, you know the truth.

Spencer didn’t lose his mind on his own. You put it in his hands and asked him to break it.

You don’t remember making the choice to leave. Not really. One second, you’re laughing at something dumb, and then, your lips graze your friend’s cheek, a murmured get home safe, and you’re already moving, barely hearing her say your name, barely acknowledging the question in her voice.

Then it’s Spencer’s address, burned into your brain. The driver nods. The city twists and sways outside the window — yellow blurs, red smears, streetlights flickering across your hands. Your eyes close, and for just a second —

Then, oh. You’re there.

You barely hear the door slam behind you. You barely thank the driver. You don’t even think before your feet hit the pavement, before you’re walking up the steps.

And then there’s the door. His door. The one that’s been thrown open with a scowl, slammed shut mid-sentence, locked just long enough to make a point. The one that never stays closed for long. Not when it’s you on the other side.

You knock, giggling as you wobble, nearly toppling over while yanking off your heels. They hit the ground haphazardly somewhere behind you, forgotten the second they leave your hands.

The knocking turns into pounding, palm smacking against the door between raps of your knuckles. It’s almost funny, the way impatience surges through you like a second heartbeat, the way you know he’s there — standing just beyond the wood, watching, hesitating, chewing over whether to let you in.

The door swings open and you’re already falling. Already tipping forward like your body knew he’d be there to catch you. Your limbs have learned that Spencer Reid is your safety net, your buffer, your inevitable landing.

“Whoops,” you murmur, the alcohol humming pleasantly beneath your tongue, making everything feel slower. “My bad.”

He doesn’t say anything. Doesn’t roll his eyes. Doesn’t sigh, doesn’t scold, doesn’t react at all. He just steadies you, brief and impersonal, fingers curling at your waist for less than a second before he looks away.

He bends, picks up your heels from where you left them, places them neatly on the entryway table. Cold air fills the space where his hands were. He shuts the door.

“Did you not see my texts?”

Nothing.

“I said sorry.” Sharper now, words clipped, fingers drumming against your arms where they’re folded tight across your chest. “Jesus, Spencer, you’re being —”

Ridiculous.

You almost say it, the word a loaded bullet in the chamber. But then his jaw tightens, his throat works through a swallow and you bite down, tasting blood instead.

“You said sorry?” He spits it back like it burns, like he wants it out of his mouth as fast as possible. “You said sorry, and that’s supposed to mean what, exactly? That I don’t get to be mad? That I don’t get to be upset when you spent the whole night deliberately pissing me off?”

You sway slightly. “Oh, right,” you say, words dripping bitter sarcasm. “Because you never do anything to piss me off, right? You’re so fucking perfect. You don’t overthink, you don’t obsess, you never turn nothing —”

“Tell you what,” he cuts in, voice flat and final. “You’re right. I do overthink. And apparently, I was stupid enough to think you gave a shit about what that does to me.” His gaze sears into you. “But tell me,” he continues, “when have I ever overthought something you did and reached the wrong conclusion?”

God, you know he gets off on this. On delivering those carefully crafted sentences, watching you flinch without raising a finger, precise enough that he never appears anything but calm and rational.

And he knows you have nowhere to go. Silence damns you just as much as fighting back. He knows you’ll open your mouth anyway. You don’t have any other options.

“Maybe if you didn’t dig into every goddamn thing I do, I wouldn’t have to keep explaining myself.”

Spencer barks out a laugh, the kind that sounds more like an exhale than anything amused. He looks like he might punch the wall. Like he might slam his fist straight through the drywall, let his frustration exist somewhere outside his body. But he doesn’t, just shakes his head, jaw screwed so tight you can practically hear his teeth grind.

“Oh, that’s good,” he mutters, thick with disbelief, bordering on disgust. “That’s actually — wow.” He looks at you then, really looks at you, like he’s seeing you for the first time. Or maybe the last. “You really just said that with a straight face, huh?”

It wasn’t always like this. You used to be good. Really good. The kind of good that made people jealous, the kind where he’d brush a hand over your back in a crowded room, where he’d wait up for you even if it was stupid late because he wanted to hear about your day.

Then there was that party. The one you dragged him to, the one he didn’t want to go to because he hated loud music and small talk and watching you drink yourself into bad decisions.

You’d rolled your eyes at him, called him uptight, and he’d muttered something about how you were just looking for an excuse to start a fight. And maybe you were.

It wasn’t supposed to be a big deal. It started over something small — maybe the way you kept refilling your drink, maybe the way he kept checking his watch like he was timing how long he had to tolerate you.

You’d scoffed, rolled your eyes. “Jesus, Spencer, if you don’t want to be here, just go.”

And he’d shrugged. “Maybe I will.”

And that had pissed you off. More than it should have. Because you wanted him to fight you on it. You wanted him to care, to stay because of you, not out of obligation.

So you pushed a little harder. Tipped your drink back, let the alcohol scrape down your throat, and smirked when you said it. “God, you are so boring sometimes.”

That had done it. Spencer, who usually let things slide, who usually held his temper like a clenched fist, finally let something slip through his teeth.

“Yeah?” he had said, just this side of cruel. “At least I don’t get drunk and make an idiot of myself for attention.”

The words hit like a slap, sharper than the sting of vodka on your tongue. You should’ve been mad, should’ve stormed off, should’ve let the hurt take over. But instead, you smiled. Because there it was, finally, a reaction. The thing you’d been pulling at all night was finally splintered at your feet.

And it didn’t stop there. It followed you home, back at your apartment, where the anger snapped into something hotter. The fight spilled into the walls, into hands grabbing too tight, into gasps swallowed by teeth and tongue. You remember the way he shoved you onto the bed, the way you laughed through it, drunk on the fight and feeling, gasping when he pinned you down, when his hands pushed your wrists into the mattress. You don’t remember what you said, only how it ended — with your back arching, his name breaking off in your throat, pleasure slamming into you so hard you thought you almost mistook it for pain.

“Fuck off, Spencer."

You need him to press you into the doorframe until it bites. To swallow the venom straight from your tongue. To lace your skin with fingerprints, because nothing else sinks deep enough to matter. That’s how this works. That’s how you two translate love.

But he doesn’t move.

Just stands there, chest rising fast like he’s been winded, fingers curled, crushing the impulse in his palm, the impulse to fix this the only way you both know how.

“Jesus. You really think this ends your way?”

He’s bluffing. That’s what you tell yourself. That’s what you have to tell yourself.

“You can stand there and act all righteous, but we both know you like it,” you sneer, chin tilting up. “You like chasing me. You like losing your fucking mind over me.”

He stares.

“Get out.”

No shouting. No shoving. No hands in your hair. No bruising grip on your wrist to make you stay — just two flat, empty words and a door that suddenly feels like a death sentence.

Your fingers close around your shoes and you barely notice how steady they are. How clear everything feels. No alcohol to blame it on now. Just you.

You don’t look at him. Not when you knock your shoulder against his, not when you open the door like you don’t actually care if he stops you.

You’re halfway down the hallway when you hear him move.

You turn. He looks at you like he’s already buried you. And you stand there waiting to be exhumed.

The door doesn’t slam. It just closes. Not locked. Not deadbolted.

You walk away.

A week. Two. Three, if you’re feeling patient.

Then you’ll send the first text. You’ll plant the next seed.

And he’ll let it grow.

💌 masterlist taglist has been disbanned! if you want to get updates about my writings follow and turn notifications on for my account strictly for reblogging my works! @mariasreblogs

#spencer reid angst #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid toxic relationship #spencer reid situationship #spencer reid one shot #spencer reid oneshot #spencer reid fic #spencer reid x you #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid imagine #doctor spencer reid #criminal minds fic #dr spencer reid #criminal minds #criminal minds angst

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xylatox · 13 hours ago

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The Troubles of Choi Beomgyu | cbg

IM FINALLY READING THIS AHH. After absolutely going through it during The Redemption of Choi Yeonjun (an absolutely amazing read) Serene releases a sequel omg😭 There are no amount of words that can express my excitement to read this piece.

Ever since Yeonjun had gotten together with that stupid nerd he’d changed. Changed for the worse. And it seemed as if Beomgyu was the only one who could see it. — lmfao Gyu😭

I already love reader's ability to speak out against Beomgyu, that's so attractive of her. — And without his friends to protect him, you were finally able to sharpen the knife that had been so diligently resting behind your back for three years. — You had longed for an opportunity to get back at him for all the shit he caused you through freshman and junior year; and finally, the universe presented you with one. — I love her; also the tension between them is amazing.

Hehe Taehyun appears, I'm so happy (Seeing him here makes me think about CC Taehyun 🚬, sigh I miss him) — Behind you, Taehyun lets out a short huff, his lips pulling into a menacing smirk as he eyes your expression. — “Was this also part of your ‘plan’?” — I love Taehyun he's so annoying (lovingly)

I DIDNT EXPECT TAEHYUN TO BE A VICTIM OF GYU???? SERENE????

Omg I could sob, the fact that Gyu was so sweet before he met Jjun and the fact that him and reader were such cute friends :( no wonder she's so fed up of him,and can talk to him like that

She’d dated one of the Choi’s, until he left her for that shy nerd, served her right. — But even the two of them had already gotten together to get working on their presentation. — all the references make me giggle

Beomgyu pays them little mind as he rolls his eyes, instead he watches your retreating figure as you push past the crowd in which you had emerged from. A subtle smirk playing on his lips as he mindlessly fiddles with the note in his pocket. — oh my god, I love this

It felt almost surreal. Two years of being strangers in the halls, two years of constant insults, two years of hatred. Yet here he was, so close to you, just like he had been before everything changed, before he changed. — I feel so bad that their relationship turned out like this :((

Your eyes widen when he suddenly takes a step forward, reaching for the accessory as he plucks it from your fingers. “So that, in a way, I’ll always be with you”, he says as he wraps the leather around your wrist. — No cuz it was so sweet :((((((( why did Gyu have to change. His response to reader still having the bracelet also hurts too, I'm desperately hoping it's just a front Gyu has up.

“Oh that’s right”, he muses, “You think you’re special because I was nice to you back then, because I took pity on you.” He pushes a strand of dark hair from his face with the help of his pinky, “Bet it was the first time something like that happened.” — he's so mean no :(((( this hurts

THE KISS???? SCREAMING???? — The silence that follows echoes through your small dorm. And you remain on your bed, motionless, staring ahead as your fingers reach up to touch your lips. — Still burning with the fire he’d igninited. — oh my god.

It makes me so happy Taehyun and Kai are roommates:)) Also that entire conversation they had just makes me feel sad and idk why

Omg, the fight between Jjun and Gyu :(

The next kiss is initiated by you, not him. It’s soft, and it reminds you of the one you’d given him last week. Slow, hesitant, but tender. And Beomgyu’s hands reluctantly drop from your face, gently sliding down your arms and sides before settling on your waist. — You had known for a long time now that you felt empathy for him. That you pitied him. Perhaps it was why you let him use you. — what if I went insane

Beomgyu showed up. He didn’t look you in the eyes when he took his papers from you. He didn’t look at you during the presentation, he kept his gaze ahead, fixated on the rest of your joint classes. He didn’t speak to you before, during, or after it. Not even a simple, ‘well done’ or even a ‘thanks’ when you’d offered to take his papers and throw them away for him. — this hurts.

Despite his past actions, I like that we see Yeonjun being pleasant considering his past behaviour. It also sucks to see his friendship with Gyu fall apart.

Your breath catches in your throat and your eyes widen tenfold when they fall on the familiar piece of leather. It was the same warm brown, and the contrastingly dark navy blue. The bracelet which you had cherished for so long, the one you had clung onto in the hopes that his matching part would still exist somewhere. — im going to sob wtf

ANS THE FACT SHE ALSO GOT A BRACLET FOR HERSELF??? Omg they are so stupid I love them

His breath is warm against your lips as his own hover above them. The tip of his round nose brushes against yours, the small contact sending a jolt of electricity through you. “What I should have done from the start”, he murmurs before pressing his lips to yours. — screaming

I'm gonna cry :(( I absolutely love the end, I was so worried Jjun and Gyu didn't get to fix their friendship but they did :( Serene this was an absolutely lovely read!!

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐁𝐋𝐄𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐂𝐇𝐎𝐈 𝐁𝐄𝐎𝐌𝐆𝐘𝐔

𝓓𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐌 𝓔𝐍𝐓𝐑𝐘 ⸝⸝ And you don’t know why you took a step forward, why you let your hands brush against his, why you didn’t stop when you saw the bewilderment on his face. You don’t know why you leaned in closer, when you should be pulling back. — And you don’t know why you couldn’t look away, why you couldn’t tear your gaze from the flames dancing across his eyes.

You don’t know why you kissed him. ⸝⸝

𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ wc, 25.5k ་༘࿐

𝓹airing bully!beomgyu x fed-up!reader (f) 𝔀arning friends to enemies to lovers, bullying, implied violence, violence, beomgyu's a dick, reader's also mean at times, college au, kissing, fingering, mutual masturbation, unprotected sex + pullout, angsty confessions, hmm um um what else, I have no clue..

#serene adds ✎... HAPPY BEOMGYU DAY !! (because it's still the 13th here) ⎯ and oh my god have you guys been waiting for this fic... how long has it been, 6/7 months? maybe even more... I have no words. I feel like this fic is a little all over the place, you might notice the inner monologue changing and so on, but that's because I've been writing it over 6 months roughly, my view on the story has changed with each month... I hope it'll still be worth your while >.< happy gyu day, my love <33 - rain says I need to mention her

This story is a sequel to, The Redemption of Choi Yeonjun ⎯ It's advised that you read said fic beforehand !

People change for the stupidest of reasons. At least Beomgyu thinks so. He’s been told that his view of the world is narrow, that change is something good, something that everyone goes through. That change is important. What a load of bullshit. Look what change had done to his best friend. — Ever since Yeonjun had gotten together with that stupid nerd he’d changed. Changed for the worse. And it seemed as if Beomgyu was the only one who could see it.

He glares at his classmates, but his once sharp gaze seems to have lost its touch. They whisper, talk, murmur, gossip, they speculate about him. Because everyone knew that something had happened between The Choi’s, that something was no longer the same. — But why him? Beomgyu wasn’t the one who’d changed, they changed, not him. Yeonjun was the one who…He was the one who became infatuated with that good for nothing nerd, and Soobin he…he just accepted it?

Beomgyu almost snorts at the thought. Fine. If they wanted to give everything up just like that, they could, why should he care? But the lingering glances he receives as he pushes through the crowded hallways are near impossible to shake off. So what if he was walking alone? He didn’t need his friends, they weren’t his friends anymore, they were just side pieces in a much bigger pictur–

“Hey! Watch where you’re going freak!” He seethes as a small boy crashes into his chest, a freshman probably. Beomgyu’s eyes narrow as he seizes the kid. The younger male swallows as he scrambles to gather his belongings, clearing his throat awkwardly as he pushes his glasses further up on his nose. — “I-I’m so sorry I wasn’t looking where I was going and I..”

What a pathetic being. Beomgyu grimaces at his petty apology, “stay out of my way next time, alright? You weak piece of–”

“Why don’t you pick on someone your own size?”

The voice is familiar as it pierces through the crowded hallway and suddenly the previous buzz of students surrounding him diminishes as Beomgyu’s gaze flickers past the small boy in front of him. — You.

His teeth grind together at the sight of your cocky figure, that smug grin you always wore, as if you were better than everyone else, as if you were better than him. What a joke. Ever since him and his friends broke apart, you seemed to have been actively plotting against him, singling him out now that he was alone. — Beomgyu would die before admitting that your schemes ever proved successful. Because if there was one thing he hated, it was people who meddled in his business. And you seemed to know nothing else.

The young freshman scurries off before Beomgyu has the chance to grab him and he bites back a frustrated groan. Instead his attention shifts to your approaching frame. With the small squeak of your sneakers against the floor, you stop inches from him, your eyes near level with his. — Blood rushes within his body like never before, anger soaring through him at the mere sight of your pestering face.

“Pick on someone my own size? And that would be what, you?” He scoffs, eyeing you with disdain. The grin on your lips only widened further and he refused another grimace. Then it clicks, and Beomgyu has to hold himself back as he feels his jaw twitch. — “You.” The acknowledgement is a short huff of air, it hits your face and you squint as your eyes pierces his. “You’re the one who’s been running their mouth about me all week.”

Suppose you had been mentioning his name a little here and there. A few comments, nothing crazy, nothing that wasn’t true. It wasn’t exactly unwarranted either. Choi Beomgyu was a nuisance. And without his friends to protect him, you were finally able to sharpen the knife that had been so diligently resting behind your back for three years. — You had longed for an opportunity to get back at him for all the shit he caused you through freshman and junior year; and finally, the universe presented you with one.

You glance over at him, it would merely take a small raise of your heel for your eyes to become leveled perfectly with his. Without that tall friend of his, looming behind his back, or Yeonjun’s authoritative status, Choi Beomgyu was really nothing. — That didn’t change the fact that you absolutely loathed him. And you would be sure to have him know.

“Why, has something interesting caught your ears?” You drawl, feeling the grin on your lips threatening to bloom into a smirk. Beomgyu’s face morphs into a scowl, undoubtedly familiar with the rumors of him you’d conducted during the past weeks. — “You must think you’re so smart, sitting on your ass all day and spewing nonsense”, he grits as he takes a charging step forward, chest colliding with yours and you almost stumble backward.

It takes some effort but you manage to remain fairly unfazed as you eye him with indifference. It only serves to make him angrier. Beomgyu was like an open book, a book in which you only had to read the paragraph on the very back to understand exactly how it would end. He was predictable, and without his friends, he was an easy target for someone who’d been studying him for so long.

“I do”, you chirp, hands clasping behind your back as you sway on the spot. Beomgyu scoffs, giving a small roll of his eyes before his firing gaze centers on you again. “Just stay out of my way.” — His attention drops to the uniform you wore, the one school handed out at the beginning of each year, much different from the designer one he had tailored each semester. It was subtle, but different, and Beomgyu’s grin widened as his eyes raked across your worn out shoes and old bag. “Think you’ve got other things to worry ‘bout.”

Without another word, he continues down the hallway, though not before giving your shoulder a harsh shove. — Your lip twitches into an uncomfortable grimace and with a small huff you readjust your backpack. Fucking asshole. Your tongue prods against your teeth, tsking slightly as you watch him disappear.

⸝⸝

“Oh come on, do you really think it’s that bad of an idea?” You whine as your cheek rests against your forearm, eyes trained on the words being written out on the paper before you. — “I do”, Taehyun states without lifting his pencil from the sheet, brows slightly furrowed as he focuses on his work.

With a small huff you peer up at him, the glasses on the bridge of his nose are crooked and you resist the urge to snatch them from his face. “And what does Mr. Class President presume I should do then?” You sarcastically wonder; though the question makes him raise a disbelieving brow as he glances toward you. “I suggest you stay out of trouble.” — Just as you open your mouth in objection, does he cut you off; “and not spread rumors about him.”

Your expression contorts into one of disagreement but you remain silent. In a way, you suppose you should feel thankful for him. Taehyun was your only friend, if friends were even what one could call you. — The mutual acquaintanceship consisted of you sharing the latest events of your quite dull life, recapping the drama you’d picked up on your way to the school cafeteria, and most importantly; Choi Beomgyu.

Though he was originally opposed to the friendship, Taehyun had begrudgingly come to accept your persistent presence as you lingered by his desk between classes. And by your senior year, he knew everything that was to know about Beomgyu and why you so loathed him. — “Shouldn’t you let go of him? We’re about to graduate next year”, he states, his voice monotone as always but you could clearly decipher a hint of pleading as he urged for you to stop fawning over the guy.

“Let go?” You scoff, sitting up a bit straighter as you eye him with a frown, “I do not need to ‘let go’, I need revenge, besides, Christmas break is coming up, I need to act fast.” — Seemingly unimpressed by your enthusiasm, Taehyun merely shakes his head as his focus returns to the piece of paper in front of him, scribbling down a few lines before he sighs; “and how exactly do you plan on doing that?”

The way your face lit up was unmistakable and you could practically see him regret his words as you shuffled closer. “Well, I happen to have a plan–” But before you can finish, the classroom door swings open and your professor enters. With a small scowl, you lean back in your chair as Taehyun immediately disregards you, turning his full attention to the lecture about to take place. Jeez, what a try-hard.

History was far from your favorite, but the mention of a group project sparked your interest. Your professor was old, a tall and lanky man, and as he announced the presentation you were to hold regarding a historic event, the class groaned. — Immediately turning to Taehyun with hopeful eyes, you’re met with a small glare before he sighs and nods, announcing that the two of you could partner up. With delight you open your mouth to thank him when your history teacher’s raspy voice suddenly interrupts you.

“Though seeing as your parallel class is taking the very same course, I thought it’d be a good idea to merge the two of you. – It’ll save me some time when grading as well”, he huffs as a small grin tugs at his wrinkled lips. — It doesn’t take long for the room to be drowned in a chaotic murmur. Your brows pull together in a confused frown and you twist in your seat, “what’s that supposed to mean?” — Taehyun merely shrugs as his eyes flicker between you and your professor by the board, and for once he seemed equally lost.

A quiet cough makes your gaze snap back to your old teacher as he rummages through his bag for a small piece of paper. “Now I know you aren’t too acquainted with the other class, so I’ve taken the liberty of pre-arranging partners for you.” His statement is met with another wave of complaints and displeased groans as students leaned back in their chairs and shook their heads.

“Wait, does this mean we won’t get to work together?” You wonder to which Taehyun gives a small nod, “most likely.” — You felt your heart drop at least ten floors as you watched your old teacher fasten the small piece of paper to the board. The sound of chairs scraping against the hard floor fills the classroom as everyone scurries toward the front, eager to see who they’d been partnered up with.

Without thinking you, too, rise from your desk as you pull Taehyun by his arm, yanking him toward the board. It takes a few shoves to get through the crowd that had formed, but soon enough, you’re standing in front of the list. — Your eyes fervently scan the names, going over the rows at least twice before you find yours. It was as if all air had been sucked from your lungs, your throat uncomfortably dry as you eye the jagged scribbles. Next to your own name was ‘Choi Beomgyu’.

Behind you, Taehyun lets out a short huff, his lips pulling into a menacing smirk as he eyes your expression. — “Was this also part of your ‘plan’?”

⸝⸝

“I’m doomed!” You exclaim, hands feverishly tugging at your hair as you cling onto Taehyun’s shoulder. Met with a shrug from your friend who trudges forward, you pout, jutting your chin out as you whine in his ear. “What do I do?” — Taehyun sighs, pushing his glasses further up on his nose as his eyes scan the nearly empty hallway. “This is exactly why you shouldn’t have gotten on his bad side”, he scolds and you huff.

“Come on now”, you mutter as you release your grip on him, “a rumor here and there has never hurt anyone.” — “Besides, aren’t you supposed to be taking my side?” You finish with a small frown, the crease on your forehead only deepening when he doesn’t say anything. “You told everyone that he threw up in one of the school bathrooms”, he then states and you snort, a small grin seeping onto your face. “So? He might’ve.”

Taehyun shakes his head, “my point is, you’re already off to a bad start.” — His statement makes you slow down, the shift in your pace causing him to nearly stop as Taehyun turns to you with a confused look. “You’re talking as if I’m the one who should watch myself. – Tae, he’s an asshole, if anything, he should feel ashamed.”

Your friend bites his lip as his gaze flits between the floor to the books in his hands, and you wondered if you had said something wrong. Choi Beomgyu had earned himself quite the infamous reputation at your college along with the other Choi’s, everyone knew that they were bad news, so why did no one speak against it? — Why did Taehyun cower at the name?

You couldn’t possibly understand their unreasonable fear.

But you don’t have to ponder for long, because mere moments later, an all too familiar voice calls out. — “Hey, class president!” Beomgyu’s nasty drawl echoes off the desolate walls as he nears you. His hands are shoved in the pockets of his expensive uniform, and he walks with an allude of confidence.

Upon hearing his name called, Taehyun freezes beside you as he hesitantly turns to face the source of the voice. Stopping mere inches from your friend, Beomgyu leans forward with a smug smirk and Taehyun hastily blinks under his glasses. You watch their small exchange with a puzzled expression. — “You got my essay?” Beomgyu asks as he quirks a brow in the shorter male's direction. His essay?

Taehyun nods as he reaches for the bag swung over his shoulder, undoing the zipper as he rummages through its contents. Beomgyu watches him with a look of nonchalance, seemingly unaware of your presence as he focuses on your friend before him. — “Here”, Taehyun murmurs as he hands him at least four pages worth of paper, neatly stapled together.

Beomgyu scans through it leisurely before giving Taehyun’s shoulder a harsh pat, making the shorter wince. “What’s the meaning of this?” You spit, unable to help yourself as you witnessed the person you so loathed go after your only friend like that. Finally, he seems to acknowledge you as Beomgyu’s eyes snap in your direction, his hand falling from Taehyun’s shoulder as his face contorts into a small scowl.

Despite the lack of his friends, he still made do with the reputation he had left. Your rumors seemed to have made an insignificant dent in the power he held. But…Taehyun? Of all people, he wouldn’t possibly… Your gaze flits down to the essay in Beomgyu’s hand and over to your friend who avoided your gaze as he urged for you to come with him without causing a bigger scene.

“Why don’t you stay out of my business.” Beomgyu sneers as he eyes you with distaste. “Business? You call this business?” You frown as you shrug Taehyun’s hands from your arm, stepping between your friend and the menace before him. — Your nose could practically graze his as you let out a short breath of air, meeting his furious gaze with one of your own.

“Bullying people into doing your work? How do you expect to make it outside of college?” The comment makes his already angered expression flare up and you catch his hands curling into fists by his sides. — “Worry ‘bout yourself won’t you?” he scoffs, ready to push past you.. until your next words catch him off guard.

“Well that’s going to be difficult, seeing as we’re partners now.”

He stops, dark eyes snapping back to yours within milliseconds and you feel Taehyun’s hand urgently tug at your arm as he silently pleads for you to back down. — “What?” The word comes out as a mere hiss and you can’t help but feel a triumphant grin pull at the corner of your lips. Ah, so he didn’t know yet.

“Haven’t you heard?” — You let your head fall to the side, an amused expression flashing across your features as you take in his puzzled and angered state, so predictable. “Mr. Brown’s class, the history project, we’re partners, you and me.” The dread that had previously consumed you seemed minimal when you with satisfaction watched Beomgyu’s face practically explode in a multitude of enraged questions; none of which you were planning on answering.

“The fuck is that supposed to mean?” He spits, a look of disbelief presenting itself across his otherwise arrogant face. You shrug, letting Taehyun pull you back as you send him a small wave, “that we’ll be seeing a lot more of each other I suppose.” — Before you can get another word out, your friend has pulled you down the hall in a most hurried manner; scurrying to get away from Beomgyu's piercing gaze as he leans against the wall with a small huff, eyeing you with a mixture of fury and intrigue.

“What the hell was that?” Taehyun grumbles as he drags you along, walking with determined strides. You merely roll your eyes as you let yourself be swayed down the long corridors. — “I should be asking you that”, you counter, still not over the fact that he had written an entire essay for the scumbag.

Not late to catch on, Taehyun bites the inside of his cheek as he fiddles with the glasses on his nose. “Nothing you should worry about”, he mutters, intent on disregarding any further questions. “Nothing I should worry about? What are you, his slave?” — “Don’t say it like that”, he groans and you frown, stopping completely as you break yourself free from his grasp.

With an exasperated sigh, Taehyun turns to you as he runs a hand through his short hair. “Listen, it was a one time thing and..” — “That’s how it always starts”, you huff, rolling your eyes as you shake your head. “Soon he’ll be asking you to write his exams for him as well”, you exclaim, throwing an accusing finger down the hall.

But Taehyun only shakes his head as he waves his hands in front of him in denial. “I’m just helping him out..!” — Your gaze narrows down on your friend, helping him out? Sure Taehyun was many things, friendly? – was not one of them. And to think that he was willingly helping one of the Choi’s with something so trivial…

“Does he have something on you?” You ask, watching as Taehyun’s eyes widened, “is that why you’re slaving away like this?” — “No I..” He begins but quickly seals his lips in a tight grimace, “you don’t understand.” Like hell you didn’t. Why on earth would anyone stoop to such a level. For over two years you had watched as the Choi’s ruled your school, and to say that you were sick of it would be an understatement.

Perhaps your hatred for the small trio was rooted deeper than your peers. Especially your hatred for Choi Beomgyu. — Because you hadn’t always hated him, in fact, at one point, you think you might’ve even liked him.

⸝⸝

“Hey, is this seat taken?”

The voice is warm, kind and friendly. It makes you blink as you tear your gaze from the small pile of nail polish that had accumulated on your desk, your nervous habit of picking at the paint evident. — First day of freshman year, first day of college, that had been the day.

With a small nod, you motion toward the chair next to your own. He takes the seat, grinning from ear to ear as he studies you with curiosity. “Nervous?” He wonders as he tilts his head to the side. “Yeah..” Your quiet whisper is near inaudible but he still seems to pick up on it as his lips stretch further. “Me too”, he says and you can’t help but frown, he didn’t look nervous in the slightest as he comfortably leaned back in his chair, fiddling with the collar of his shirt leisurely.

He was way out of your league. — Yet he reaches a hand out, eyes darting from yours and down to your own intertwined fingers. His palm is soft and warm against yours, his grip unwavering as he shakes your hand. “I’m Beomgyu, Choi Beomgyu”, he smiles, it’s a kind smile, and your heart flutters at the sight.

Choi Beomgyu. What a pretty name.

You spend your first week with him, it was nice to have someone you could call a friend. Someone who made you feel less alone, and Beomgyu did, the two of you were friends, you think.

You ate lunch together…

“Tofu’s the best when grilled”, Beomgyu hums as he shoves a forkful in his mouth, barely swallowing as he loads yet another one. You giggled as your gaze returned to your own plate, a small smile tugging at the corner of your lips. The cafeteria was both crowded and loud, you had dreaded the days you would spend alone in here.

But as Beomgyu found a nice and secluded table for the two of you, even pulling your chair out with an over exaggerated bow to which you rolled your eyes, you felt hopeful. — Perhaps college wouldn’t be so bad after all.

And you studied after school…

“If 9 is the value of ‘x’ then all we have to do is replace the variables with such”, you say as you scribble across his notebook. Beomgyu’s frown was nearly dented into his forehead, his bottom lip caught between his teeth in concentration. “But how does nine become ‘x’? Isn’t nine a number and ‘x’ a letter?”He wonders to which you shake your head.

“Not in this case”, you state before drawing a small ‘x = 9’. Scratching the back of his neck dumbfoundedly, Beomgyu gives a deflated sigh as he slumps against his chair. — “I’m never graduating.”

You even saw one another outside of school…though only once..

“I don’t think I’ve ever been here..” You quietly mumble, eyes flitting across the expensive looking furniture. The restaurant was small but reeked of wealth, the meals here were surely out of your budget but Beomgyu had insisted on you joining him one friday evening. — “What?” He exclaims in bewilderment, “Are you kidding? This is the best place in town!”

True to his word, he paid for your meal, not hearing you out on trying to pay him back in the near future. — “Spending time with you is more than enough”, he says as a matter-of-factly, arm wrapping around your shoulders as you walk down the empty streets.

Not to forget that one time he’d asked for your number…

“I mean it’s just… I think you’re cool and..” He clears his throat, sending you a sheepish smile before continuing. “Just y’know, for staying in touch and things..” — The timidness of his request made your heart flutter as a grin spread across your lips.

“Of course I’ll give you my number, silly!”

The relief immediately flooding his face was palpable as he sighs, eagerly fishing his phone up for you to put the digits in. He made sure to add a pink heart next to your name, promising to be at your every beck and call should you ever need him.

It was friendship, right?

Doing stuff together, noticing things about each other, like the cute little mole on his left cheek, accentuating his already endearing grin. Or his habit of pushing his hair from his face with the help of his pinky, carefully touching up the dark strands, almost absentmindedly.

You wondered if Beomgyu noticed things about you too. Did he see things you didn’t, and did he like them? Did he like you? Perhaps you would’ve gotten answers to all of those questions, had things turned out differently.

It was inevitable, of course, you were all enrolled in the same class after all, they were bound to bump into one another soon enough. But things changed when Beomgyu met Choi Yeonjun, changed for the worse. And it didn’t take long for him to become someone completely different, someone unrecognizable.

Slowly he stopped showing up to your study sessions. More often he’d make excuses to not walk you to class. You began eating lunch alone, and before you knew it, Beomgyu was no longer part of your life. — Except he was, just as someone else. Someone cruel, someone who didn't care about what others felt, someone who only lived to make others suffer.

His new friends were no different, and together they earned themselves an infamous reputation as the school’s bullies. It hurt. Seeing them act so nonchalantly when toying with others, with people who’d done nothing to upset them. — And as you catch him in the hallway one day, a much smaller student hoisted up by the collar of his shirt, Beomgyu’s grip unwavering as he spits insults in the younger’s face.

It was then you grew to loathe Choi Beomgyu.

⸝⸝

Your finger hovers over the block button as you lay in bed that night. Back then, just as you applied to switch classes, as you tried to get as far away from him as possible, you had rid yourself of his number too. Part of you thinks you should’ve deleted the old chats along with blocking him, but something held you back. It felt…oddly comforting, re-reading the old messages between the two of you, a glimmer of what you’d once had, of what he’d once been. How pathetic.

With a small groan you let your phone fall down onto the mattress next to you, shifting to lay on your side as you prepare to let sleep overtake you. He would have to bring it up, because there was no way in hell that you were unblocking and texting first. — “Fucking piece of shit”, you tiredly murmur, letting yourself fall into a very uncomfortable slumber, plagued by the thoughts of your upcoming weeks.

Beomgyu did not text you first. In fact he didn’t text you at all. The whole weekend goes by, and not a single word. Taehyun on the other hand, had been paired up with some stuck up bitch, he’d told you her name, something on M…M, M, M… Ah yes, Mimi. She’d dated one of the Choi’s, until he left her for that shy nerd, served her right. — But even the two of them had already gotten together to get working on their presentation.

You had until Christmas break, but that was a mere three weeks away, and at this rate, you’d be lucky to get done by graduation. — Finally, your gloomy reality sets in, and you heave a loud sigh as you drag yourself down the hallway. History classes had become optional, and without your partner, there was little to be done. You spend the hour roaming the third and second floor, sneakers squeaking against the uneven tiles.

Upon passing that one peculiar little red door, your ears are met with the muffled sounds of what could only be someone getting their guts absolutely plowed. Your nose wrinkles in disgust, ‘room 291’, you could only imagine how many girls had lost their virginity in there. — Shaking your head, your gaze returns forward, but instead of continuing your eternal journey down the long corridors, you freeze.

The object of your affection was standing right there. You thought he’d skipped. Anything to avoid the project at hand you’d supposed. But Beomgyu’s eyes meet yours, and though he’s all the way down the hall, you still catch the disgust lingering in them. His lip twitches, jaw clenching for a split second, and then he’s turned on his heel, marching down the hallway faster than you could blink.

You scramble to catch up, upping your pace to a light jog as you call for him. “Hey asshole!” But he isn’t listening, nor is he stopping. In fact…Was he walking even faster? What a dick. “Hey wait up!” Fuck, was he really going to make you chase after him? How immature. — Thankfully having made the girl’s football team in seventh grade seemed to have paid off, and you managed to reach him soon enough.

Fingers clasping around his forearm, you yank him backward, making him spin around on the spot as he collides with you. The crash makes you wince and you retreat, blinking to regain focus before turning your attention to him. Beomgyu was already watching you, his lips curled into a nasty scowl as his brows furrowed. “What?” He spits, his voice barely above a hiss.

Suddenly, you realize just how close the two of you were standing, chests nearly grazing one another, and the scent of his cologne invades your senses; it was the same one he’d worn for all of college, at least that hadn’t changed. — You clear your throat, quickly scanning the empty hallway before you turn to him, plastering on the sternest of expression you could muster. “The project”, you say, subtly straightening your back. Beomgyu raises a questioning brow as his hands dig into the pockets of his uniform.

You frown, and only when you add the word “history” does he seem to catch on. “Oh yeah, that one”, his features relax, lips pulling into a small grin, “how’s it coming along?” Your mouth opens and closes again. “Excuse me?” You huff, the anger in your words palpable. Still running with his act of obliviousness, Beomgyu shrugs, it was clear that he enjoyed the easy rise he was getting out of you. How you would practically explode over his mere existence. You think he liked making you like that, perhaps it made him feel in control.

Well he wasn’t. Not anymore.

“It’s a group project”, you state, folding your arms across your chest, “there’s no way I’m doing this alone.” — Beomgyu looks almost as if he's considering your words, his lips pursed and head tilted to the side. “So ask your little friend to tag along, I’m sure he’d be more than happy to”, he jeers, flashing you a nasty smirk. Was he talking about Taehyun? Your Taehyun. The same Taehyun that he’d made write his essay.

Your feet move on their own as you take a quick step forward, jabbing an accusing finger to his chest and Beomgyu’s face contorts into a small scowl at the action. “You’re hilarious if you honestly think I’d let you off the hook this easy, that I’d just let you sit back and take credit for my hard work.” You move to shove him backward but his hand is already clasped around your wrist, restraining any movement.

“Get your fucking hands off of me”, he spits, yanking you from his chest with a force that was near bruising. — “Why? Scared that I’ll dirty your expensive attire with my grimy hands?” You retort as you gesture toward his clothes. Beomgyu sneers as he shakes his head, his long hair falling in front of his face before he pushes it back again. “You’ve already tarnished my reputation with that dirty mouth of yours”, he barks, eyes flickering with malice, “got nothin’ better to do than spreading shit about me, do you?”

He shifts on the spot, his gaze wandering down the hall briefly, as if checking for witnesses before his attention returns to you. “I’m not stupid, I know it’s you, and I know you’re behind this whole group project too.” — Woah there, way to get ahead of himself. You scoff, arms falling to your sides as you regard him with disbelief. “You think I set this up on purpose? As if I’d want to be anywhere near you-”

“Well you sure act like it”, he cuts you off, gesturing toward the two of you and the empty hallway you were currently occupying. “Chasing after me like this, trying to get me alone, and the rumors”, his face flashes with something akin to contempt, a spark of his usually crude and mean demeanor simmering through his facade of hate. “I mean come on, it’s obvious.”

Your jaw could practically sweep the floor at this rate and you almost wanted to laugh at the near comical situation. “Whatever it is you’re implying, I can assure you, you’re way off”, you huff, quick to defend yourself. His fingers are still locked around your wrist, an almost tingling sensation spreading through your arm. Upon trying to tug yourself free from his grasp, Beomgyu’s hand only tightens around yours, dark eyes boring into your own as he scoffs: “Cut the crap. You’ve been chasing after me for years.”

The blunt accusation makes you pause, and for a moment every single comprehensive thought completely evaporates from your head. Chasing after him? No. You’d been trying to make his life a living hell, so what if that included knowing his entire schedule and who he hung out with? It was all part of a much bigger picture, a picture his tiny brain failed to comprehend. — But then again, Beomgyu had always had an ego made out of steel. It wouldn’t be the first time he would twist and turn a situation entirely in his favor.

“What’s it that loser friend of yours said? To let me go?” He chuckles, warm breath hitting your already flaring face. How did he know about that? Just how much had Taehyun told him when doing his essay? — Your usually sharp mind can’t seem to conjure a single witty remark, and you’re left biting the inside of your cheek as you send him a bitter glare.

His hand lets go of your wrist, and Beomgyu takes a step back. “Perhaps you should listen to Mr. Class Pres, it might do you good.” With a final cruel smirk, he shoves past you, shoulder slamming against yours as he ventures down the hallway with his hands leisurely stuffed into his pockets.

You want to scream, throw something at him, possibly advocate for murder, but you do nothing, nothing but watch his retreating figure as he disappears down the corridor. Fucking asshole.

⸝⸝

That night left you in a flammable state. Anger gnawed at your very being as you paced the small space of your dormitory. Who was he to speak to you like that? And how would you ever make this project work? Talking to him was useless, a complete and utter waste of time. — Then it hits you. Like a small lightbulb being turned on over your head. Talking to him was pointless, you knew that. But what if you just didn’t speak?

The cafeteria is as packed as it could get that following Tuesday, and you have to paddle through the large ocean of students, all eager to find an empty seat. You, on the other hand, couldn’t care less for today’s plain lunch menu, and instead of searching a clear table, your eyes scan for the most crowded one.

It doesn’t take long for you to spot him. Surrounded by a heap of what you could only assume to be acquaintances, Beomgyu sits perched on a table in the center of the room. Conversation flows around him but his gaze is glued to his phone in his hand, mindlessly swiping across the screen in a bored manner. You wondered if he even knew the names of those surrounding him. You guessed not. Beomgyu had a.. unique way of making friends, if friends were even what they were. They looked more like tokens, perhaps he used them to appear less alone.

His attention suddenly shifts from the device in his hands and you follow its direction, eventually landing on a table not far from his. — Occupied sparsely by a mere three students, three students whom you easily recognized. Choi Yeonjun leans forward, his arm wrapped around a girl you recognized as his girlfriend. He looks to be in deep conversation with the third of their small party, Choi Soobin.

They used to be friends, Beomgyu and them. You remember it clearly. The harsh words, the glares, the distaste on their faces whenever they passed you by in the hallway. But something had obviously happened, a small rift in an otherwise unbreakable circle. And you’re not late to pick up on the way Beomgyu continues to glance their way, even when surrounded by at least a dozen others. You recognize the look in his eyes, the longing. It was the same way you’d been looking at him for the past two years.

Perhaps he had a weakness after all.

Your fist slams against the firm surface of his table, making everyone around you snap their heads in your direction. Their eyes boring into you suddenly made you waver, but you shake it off, turning your attention to your target, now only inches from yourself. — Beomgyu glances up from his phone, brows immediately furrowing as his lips part. Surely he had an insult waiting on his tongue, but you cut to the chase by shoving a small piece of paper in his free hand.

His confused gaze flickers down to the note as he begins unwrapping it, only to be stopped by your hand on his as you shake your head. You mouth the words “not here”, and he scoffs, though shoving the paper in his pocket. — His token friends all burst out into “oooo”s as they wiggle their eyebrows suggestively.

⸝⸝

You had no idea if your plan was even going to work. Would he show up? Or had he thrown the paper in the trash at the first opportunity he got? — Running a frustrated hand through your hair, you sigh, casting a quick glance at the time on your phone, 5:27 pm. He still had three minutes.

Gnawing on the inside of your cheek, you start to reconsider the choice of bringing him to your dorm room, was it really such a good idea? Though it was hardly like he’d show up anywhere in public with you. This was your best bet, you think..

The minutes tick by and your anxiety levels only rise, heart hammering in your chest as you pace the small space of your dormitory. By 5:47 you realized that he was a no-show. A weird mixture of disappointed relief floods you, it’s strange, you had expected the disappointment but why did you feel relieved? Did the idea of spending time alone with him scare you? No. That was impossible.

Flopping down onto your bed, you emit a small sigh, letting your eyes flutter closed as you replay today’s scenario in your head. Scared? What a joke, Beomgyu didn’t scare you, he was nothing but an immature, selfish, rude piece of–

Knock knock.

Your body jolts forward, flying off the bed like a deer in headlight as your head snaps in the direction of your door. He came? He actually came. You didn’t know whether to cry or laugh as you gingerly got up. — As you head for the door, you stop by the small mirror by your clothes drawer to check your reflection. Quickly running a hand through your hair, your eyes scan for a lip balm. You catch yourself mid-act, almost cringing at the way you tried to appear presentable. What the fuck were you doing?

Swallowing the lump in your throat, you twist the handle as the door glides open, revealing no other than Choi Beomgyu on the other side. He’s still wearing his school uniform, and his gaze quickly lands on the loose t-shirt and plain sweatpants you’re dressed in, a glimmer of distaste overshadowing his otherwise expressionless face. You ignore the silent insult as you clear your throat, “You’re late.”

Beomgyu scoffs, his eyes darting down the hall either side of him before pushing past you as he steps inside. “You’re gonna nag me about that too?” He drawls, hands digging into his pockets as he saunters about, taking in the small space you resided in. You notice that he hasn’t brought along any study materials, and you internally groan. “Yes, I am. If this is going to work out then we’re going to have to work together”, you state, folding your arms across your chest as if to prove your point.

Your partner merely hums as he fiddles with the papers scattered across your desk. “Cute room you’ve got”, he comments as he points to the entirety of your dorm. Your jaw slacks as you blink dumbfoundedly. Did he just give you a compliment? No, you catch the smugness in his voice, and the small glimpse of a smirk as he turns back to your desk. Asshole.

“I’m serious”, you huff, “this project is important to me, we need to do well on it.” One thing you couldn’t afford to screw up were your grades. Not that they were anything spectacular of the sort, in fact you were flunking French. But as long as you did well in a few of your best subjects… History being one of them.

Shoving the pen he was previously twirling between his fingers back into its container, Beomgyu turns to you with a sneer. “If it’s so important then I reckon you’d do better by yourself, I might just slow you down.” He regards you with an apathetic expression, almost as if he was waiting for you to snap, to lash out on him and to yell. You suppose it must surprise him when you instead only shake your head, dragging yourself over to your bed as you flop down with a heavy thud.

“Let’s just get started”, you mutter, pulling your computer out as you power it on. Beomgyu cocks an eyebrow in your direction but doesn’t say anything as he leans onto your desk, hands returning to their default position in his pockets. — “How about one of us gathers information and the other one writes it down onto a powerpoint?” you suggest. He looks to be considering your words as he scratches his chin thoughtfully.

“Fairs.” He shrugs as he pushes himself off the table and before you know it, the mattress dips next to you as he sits down. Your whole body tenses up, your eyes remaining glued to the computer screen in front of you as you avoid as much as peeking his way. You weren’t scared of him. But a part of you felt so oddly on-edge whenever he was around, you couldn’t quite place the feeling.

His body radiates warmth, a warmth that spreads over to your own, a bead of sweat accumulating on your forehead as you swallow. You weren’t scared of him so why did your heart feel like it was going to beat out of your chest? — The smell of his expensive cologne, usually sickly strong as it tickles your nose, now only feels nostalgic as you breathe in. He’s so close that your hands are on the verge of touching, his pinky inches from yours.

Beomgyu on the other hand seems unfazed as he peers over at your screen. “I’ll do the research part”, he states as he leans back against the headboard, “sounds less demanding.” You silently exhale in relief as he creates a safe radius of distance between the two of you, nodding as you hum in response.

The two of you work like that, side by side in silence for a good while. At first you’re so engrossed in your work, doing anything to distract yourself from the fact that Beomgyu was quite literally less than three inches away, on your bed, in your dorm. But as time goes by, you finally dare to tear your gaze from the screen in front of you, and sneak a small peek at him.

But now, the two of you were doing something so mundane together.

Your gaze lingers on him, even though it probably shouldn’t. But you can’t help the way your eyes trail across his seemingly relaxed expression. From the small, almost unnoticeable, furrow of his brows, the subtle pout of his bottom lip and the natural flush of his cheeks. Your attention strays by his dark eyes as they move along the words on his screen when reads. If you tried really hard, you might’ve been able to forget about everything that had happened, if only for a few minutes.

Maybe. Just maybe.

Suddenly, you want to reach out and touch him. To run your fingers through his long and unkempt hair, feel the skin of his hand in yours. And you almost do. Until you remember. — Things weren’t like that anymore, they hadn’t been for over two years. You almost recoil at the slip of your thoughts; for having allowed yourself to fantasize like that when reality was far from it. The Beomgyu before you wasn’t the Beomgyu you knew back then. No. You didn’t know this Beomgyu, and it’s with a bittersweet taste in your mouth that you accept said fact.

You think half an hour might’ve passed when you notice that something’s off. Thirty minutes of radio silence from his otherwise enthusiastic mouth. And as you peer over your shoulder, you find him leisurely swiping across his screen, eyes glued to something that looked far from the information he was supposed to gather. — “What’re you doing?” The question slips from your lips without you actually thinking it through. Beomgyu’s head turns in your direction and he watches you with an expression that said, ‘what the fuck does it look like I’m doing?’

“I thought we agreed on working on the project”, you say as you point a finger toward your open laptop. Beomgyu merely shrugs, his eyes flitting back to the phone in his hand. “I’ve done my part”, he sighs and your brows knit together in confusion. A small tap of your finger leads you to the first slide of your powerpoint, in which he’d copied and pasted in what could only be pages worth of information.

Seemingly noting your flabbergast expression, Beomgyu huffs, “Why, you can’t expect me to seriously read all of that?” — “So you’re saying we should just cheat our way through it?” The disbelief in your voice is palpable but he doesn’t seem to pick up on it as he gives a nonchalant shrug of his shoulders. “It’s not cheating. The information is out there to be used, doesn’t say how to use it”, he states. You have to bite your tongue in order to not let your words slip as you stare back at the computer screen with a puzzled face.

He did have somewhat of a point. But you’d rather die than admit that. Besides, his ways would surely land you a ‘barely passed’ at most. And you wouldn’t have that. — Grumbling out a quiet, “whatever”, you turn back to the powerpoint as you begin sorting through the paragraphs pasted in there. You quickly become immersed in your work, and fail to notice how Beomgyu discards his phone on the bed as he glances around your room with curious eyes.

You swallow a groan as you re-read the same paragraph for a third time, seemingly unable to focus with him around. Perhaps he was right, perhaps you should’ve just bit into the lemon and done this project on your own. — “Fuck, you kept this?” Beomgyu’s almost taunting voice snaps you from the text you were so close to giving up on, and you turn to him with a confused frown.

Though your eyes quickly widened as they landed on the bracelet Beomgyu was holding between two fingers. Suddenly your heart is racing and your breaths are coming in short. The already thick air feels even heavier and you emit a shaky exhale. The brown leather, interlaced with streaks of blue, immediately sends your mind to places you hadn’t allowed it to wander for nearly two years..

⸝⸝

“A friendship bracelet?” you question as you eye the small piece Beomgyu had just handed you. The fine leather felt expensive and you wondered just how much he’d spent on this. It was braided together with a thinner blue thread, the cold shade a stark contrast to the warm brown leather, and your thumb slowly traces its outline as you bring it to your face.

Beomgyu coughs into his hand, shaking his head as he rocks back and forth on the sole of his shoes. “When you put it like that it sounds childish”, he mutters, the tip of his ears radiating a warm pink and you feel your lips tug into a grin at the sight. — “It’s more like..” He hesitates, biting the inside of his cheek as his gaze strays by the bracelet in your hands:

“Like a piece of me.”

Your eyes widen when he suddenly takes a step forward, reaching for the accessory as he plucks it from your fingers. “So that, in a way, I’ll always be with you”, he says as he wraps the leather around your wrist. — It’s impossible to refrain from smiling and your cheeks heat up as he carefully fastens the bracelet around your arm. — Then your curious eyes suddenly fall on the leather around his own wrist, a darker and cooler brown intertwined with a warm red.

A weird and tingly sensation spreads throughout your stomach as you swallow. And before Beomgyu can withdraw his hand again, do you stop him, fingers clasping around his wrists as you bring them together. — The blues and the reds, they remind you of the friendship necklaces you wore back in elementary school. Two halves of a heart, a childish but sweet promise to be what makes the other one whole.

Was it childish? Probably. But it was Beomgyu, and you found that you did not care for such matters when he was around. In fact, you think you might even like it. — No, you did like it. You liked everything Beomgyu did, you liked everything about him. And though you were too shy to even admit it to yourself, you probably liked him too.

“It’s okay right?”

His sudden question snaps you from your train of thought and you blink as your gaze returns to his warm eyes. He looks…nervous? You’d never seen him like that. Beomgyu was always so adamantly prideful, and you don’t think you’d ever seen him waver. But you decide that you like this side of him too, the bashful and almost cute one.

“I love it.” And you do, you really do. You love it so much that you keep it even when he stops wearing his. Even when he no longer represented your other half. You keep it for two years, tucked inside the top drawer of your bedside table where it resides, waiting for the day where you might finally be able to look at it without bursting into tears.

⸝⸝

“Where did you get that?” Your tone is harsh and snappy but it barely makes him flinch as Beomgyu leisurely twirls the bracelet between two fingers. — You reach for it, but you’re too slow, and can only helplessly watch as his whole fist envelops the leather. “I expected a lot from you, granted that you’re still running your mouth about me and all”, Beomgyu drawls as he leans back against the pillows. “But you even kept this piece of shit?” — “I mean come on, it’s pathetic.”

His words stung. Pathetic? Did he really think of your time together as that? Did he think of you as that? Of course he did, you idiot, get that through your thick skull. You hate Beomgyu. One half-successful study session in the privacy of your dorm didn’t change that and it never would.

He probably threw his out, it would make the most sense if he did. Perhaps you should’ve too. You switched classes, blocked his number, and avoided him as best as you could in the halls. So why had you kept that? Why did you cling to something so insignificant? Why did it bring you comfort to feel the cool leather against your palm?

“Just give it back”, you groan as you meekly try and pry his closed fist open. Beomgyu looks as if he’s going to put up a fight, say something nasty back, but he doesn’t. Instead he lets you untangle the bracelet from his fingers, watching as you snatch it back before throwing it on your bedside table once more. — An uncomfortable silence falls over the two of you, weighing down like dark clouds on a previously sunny day. You wait for him to say something, but he never does. He only watches you with that nearly permanent half-smirk of his, brows tugged slightly upward as his eyes flicker across your flustered frame.

“I think we’ve done enough for today.” The statement sounds monotone and gray as it falls from your lips. And even now, you expect a reply. Foolishly so, for Beomgyu merely shrugs, swinging his legs over the mattress as he gets up from your bed. — You don’t dare look up as he rounds your bed, your gaze stays by your discarded laptop. The sounds of his footsteps suddenly vanish and you carefully crank your head in the direction of your door.

With one hand on the handle, Beomgyu looks back at you, his eyes glimmering with something you can’t quite decipher. His lips twitch into a full smirk, and for a moment, you think he might spit another insult on you. He doesn’t. — “See you in class, yeah?” Is all he says before twisting the doorknob and vanishing down the hall.

And as the door slams shut behind him, you’re left in an unbearable silence. Carefully you reach for the bracelet, only to find it torn in half.

⸝⸝

Beomgyu shows up to class after that. It takes you by surprise, and apparently everyone else too as heads turn in his direction when he pulls out the chair next to you. And though his work effort is minimal, he’s still there. You hate the satisfied feeling that blooms in your chest at the accomplishment. And you hate the fact that a small part of you has started looking forward to history class. But you would never tell him that, you would never tell anyone that, not even Taehyun…

“Come on, it’s just one tiny little essay!” You complain in a distraught tone, dramatically kicking at a few stones on the road in front of you. The small rocks clash together as they roll down the gravel pathway that takes you around campus. — Taehyun squints against the bright sun that shone despite the cold December air. He shakes his head, exhaling a small cloud of condensation.

“It’s less than fourteen days until Christmas break”, he argues as he shoves his hands deep into the pockets of the large coat he wore. “Well that’s exactly why I need your help!” You whine, throwing your frozen hands in the air. — “With everything going on, you know the history project and all, I’m going to seriously flunk French at this point Tae..” You sigh, turning to him with the biggest eyes you could muster as you stick your bottom lip out into a pathetic pout.

“Please Tae, isn’t that what friends do?”

Taehyun merely spares you a quick side glance before his focus returns ahead. “You can’t pull the ‘friend card’ whenever you’re falling behind”, he huffs. Biting the inside of your cheek, you think of another way to persuade him. “But if we study together? Then I’m bound to learn!” You suddenly exclaim, causing Taehyun to flinch due to your unanticipated outburst.

“Fine..” He begrudgingly agrees, though quickly groaning as you wrap your arms around him in a tight hug. “I knew I could count on you!” You cheer before carefully letting him go again. — It’s when you pull back that you notice the figure by the benches a few paces away. You frown, gaze narrowing down on its hunched posture. It was odd for any student to be outside between classes during the cold and harsh winter months, let alone sit perched on one of the usual summer hangout spots.

“Who’s that?” You question, your footsteps coming to an abrupt halt on the rough gravel. Taehyun groans as he turns to see where you might be looking, a small noise of disapproval passing his lips. “No one important, let’s go back inside”, he says as he pulls you along once more. — But in the bright light of the early afternoon-sun, the black hair atop the lonesome shadow’s head seemed awfully familiar.

“Is that…Beomgyu?” Your inquiry is met by yet another groan from your friend. Taehyun tsk’s as he shoots a sneer in the direction of the lonely figure. “Wouldn’t that be even more reason to go back inside?” — Despite his greatest efforts, you ignore him as you venture off the small path and over the grass. Taehyun calls out for you, conflicted as his gaze flits between you and the entrance not far away.

With a small roll of your eyes, you stop to wave him over. But Taehyun promptly shakes his head. “Fine, then go on inside, I’ll be right with you”, you say as you readjust the bag on your shoulder. He looks puzzled for a moment, lips pressed into a thin line as he regards you with a concerned frown. “What are you going to do?” He asks, albeit somewhat hesitant. You merely smile, and though it didn’t quite reach your eyes, Taehyun chooses not to pry further when you say: “I’m just going to ask about the project.” — He gives a curt nod before disappearing down the graveled path, hands still stuffed deep in his pockets.

Your footsteps crunch against the frosty grass and they fill the crisp winter air. The closer you get the more certain you become. It was Beomgyu. Sitting on the wooden table, his feet rest on the accompanied bench. He’s not wearing a jacket, only the blazer he had gotten personally tailored. If he was freezing, he didn’t let on to it as he remained still, his eyes focused on the ground below him.

The real question was, why was he out here alone? Surely he should be spending the lunch break in the cafeteria with his friends, and not on a cold bench outside in the middle of the winter. — You stop in front of him, so close that your worn out shoes break the circuit of his limited vision. He knows that you’re there, you can tell by the subtle twitch of his jaw, and the way his fingers curl against one another as his hands mold together.

“Hey.”

You greet him. It’s polite, and when you think about it, you can’t recall ever uttering the word ‘hello’ to him, not for the past two years at least. It takes him a moment to finally look up, and when he does you immediately notice how sunken his eyes are, the almost grayish color of his cheeks and the pink tint to his nose. — He looked like shit.

Part of you wants to say something about it, to finally jab back at him for all the crude comments he’d made about you. But you can’t. And suddenly, you don’t know what to say at all. Why had you even approached him in the first place? The two of you hadn’t spoken in private since… Well since the bracelet incident. Thankfully he had yet to bring it up again, but you didn’t know if you could trust him not to. It was already awkward between the two of you.

Had you just made things worse?

Beomgyu looks too tired to bite back himself as he lets his gaze leisurely drift across your frame. “What are you doing out here?” — Fuck, that wasn’t the question you were supposed to ask. Fucking idiot. But you couldn’t deny the curiosity that lingered around you. What was he doing out here?

“That’s none of your business.” He spits, lips curling into a small scowl, but you can tell that it’s taking him a great deal of effort. And for some reason, you care. You hate that you do. Because you should feel anything but concern. You should be celebrating his downfall. This was what you had been waiting for. So why did it feel so bittersweet?

You think it must have something to do with the afternoon spent on your bed. Almost an hour of complete silence, no bickering, no insults thrown. You blame yourself for getting too caught up in the moment. For letting yourself view him in a different light. — You hate Choi Beomgyu. And he hates you. That’s how it was supposed to be.

When you don’t reply, he lifts his head once more. His eyes are dark, lifeless. He frowns, and for a second he looks almost irritated. “Why do you even care?” He grunts, a flicker of disgust tracing his features, as if the mere thought of sympathy from you was enough to have him gagging. It was nice. It felt familiar. It felt like the Beomgyu you knew.

“I don’t.” You simply shrug, letting your bag fall from your shoulder as you heave yourself onto the bench next to him. He doesn’t move, but you can feel his gaze on you as he studies you intently. — You don’t dare look at him, instead you keep your eyes set forward. Despite the cold and chilly temperatures, snow had yet to fall. And the naked trees now only looked dystopian as you glance around the campus grounds.

“Where are your friends?” You suddenly ask, the question coming out light, just like any other. You don’t expect an answer, not from him. In fact you’d prepared yourself for him to get up and leave. But he doesn’t. — Beomgyu is silent for a second, you hear him draw in a slow breath, holding it for a moment before letting go. “What friends?” He then says, and this time he actually sounds tired.

Your stomach twists in an uncomfortable way, a way that was nowhere near satisfying. “What about the ones from the cafeteri..” — “Don’t be daft”, he cuts you off, his voice gaining a sudden sting. “You’re not stupid. Don’t pretend that you are. It’s unattractive.” He jeers, fingers twisting against one another, as if he was trying to crawl out of his own skin.

“Isn’t that why you’re here?” He huffs, shuffling to the side as he creates a cold metaphorical wall of distance between the two of you. “To poke fun at me? To shove it in my face?” He sounds almost distressed, and before you can reply, he turns to you. “You think it hasn’t been already?” — For the first time since you approached, he’s looking entirely at you. And when you return his wide gaze, it feels like you’re looking at a shell of who he used to be.

You tell yourself that it’s the cold air. That it’s the already depressing surroundings of the dying nature around you. But Beomgyu looks just as malnourished as the trees, as pale as the sky and as beat as the frozen grass you walk on. It was easy to take pity on him like that. It was almost like he was begging for it. Begging for someone to sympathize with him. You can’t imagine that anyone ever did.

“That’s not why I’m here”, and your statement is true. You don’t know why you’d come here, but you knew that it wasn’t out of malice. Because even if you did hate Choi Beomgyu, you don’t think you could ever say it to his face. — He didn’t know that of course. Part of you wished he did. Beomgyu scoffs, his gaze returning to the frosty ground as he bites the inside of his cheek.

You’re scared that you might pity him forever. That things might never change. That the two of you might just be stuck in an eternal loop of hatred and unspoken feelings. — You don’t know what you want, but you know that it is not that. Perhaps this history project was the start you had been looking for. Maybe…

“Are you free friday?”

⸝⸝

Your study sessions became regular after that. Beomgyu appeared to have nothing better to do with his time, and to be frank, neither did you. And though you were far from friendly with one another, none of the insults lingered. You studied in silence, him by your desk and you on your bed, as far away from each other as you could get. It was quiet, so quiet that you sometimes forgot that he was even there, save for the occasional sigh or click of his tongue.

At first, he would bring his phone, checking it every other second, like he hoped for something, for someone, to be there. But after four days, he stopped. And your curiosity only grew.

Now a mere week remained until christmas break. You and Beomgyu had been studying together for the past six days, without fail. Your presentation was nearly completed, and part of you thinks this might be amongst your last sessions together, if not your very last. — It felt strange, almost melancholic. Would you miss him? Or would you miss the company? Taehyun was your friend, sure, at least that's what you called him. But as soon as the bell rang, as soon as class ended, it was only you again.

So was it really so wrong to look forward to a bit of company after school? Even if said company was a grumpy and quiet Beomgyu who did his best in ignoring you whilst he was there. Maybe. — Maybe it was the slight urgency of losing the temporary comfort these quiet hours had provided you that led to the act of stupidity you were about to perform next.

The sun had set hours ago, casting your room in a dim glow provided by the small lamps on your bedside table and desk. You and Beomgyu had been working quietly for the past while. Now that the information was gathered and all that remained was for you to edit the last paragraphs, he used his time to decorate the powerpoint, adding relevant pictures and messing with the fonts. It wasn’t hard work, but the fact that he did something, made your stomach flutter in an unfamiliar way.

“Are you busy next week?” You wanted to ask him if he would like to practice the presentation together. But Beomgyu kills your last glimmer of hope with a small huff, “Yeah.” He doesn’t turn to look at you, his eyes steadily fixed on the computer screen in front of him despite the fact that he was now only aimlessly flipping through the slides.

Biting the inside of your cheek, you refrain from asking if he was busy all week. You would most likely only receive a half-hearted ‘yes’ anyway. Instead your gaze flickers down to your keyboard, your nails quietly tapping against the keys as you think of something to say. Every second spent in his presence only seemed to pull even more questions from your already curious mind. There was so much you wanted to ask him about, even though you knew it wasn’t your place.

Just let him go.

You can hear Taehyun’s voice in the back of your head, pleading for you to not pry, to keep your eyes down and mind your business. It wasn’t that easy. He didn’t understand. He didn't know. He didn’t know Beomgyu like you did, like you thought you did.

“Are you sure you don’t have time to come by and practice?” You can’t stop yourself, the question slips out anyway, and you watch as Beomgyu’s shoulders tense before relaxing again. “I told you I’m busy”, he repeats in the same monotone and tired voice he’d been using for the past week. — “Right…” You hold your tongue, fingers brushing over the keys on your keyboard, hovering above the space button. Your lips part, then they close, and then they part again.

“Are you meeting Yeonjun?”

You shouldn’t have asked that, you know it. Yet you did. Perhaps you wanted a reaction from him, perhaps you wanted to hear him raise his voice for the first time in over a week, perhaps you wanted him to get angry, to insult you, because it was the Beomgyu you knew.

His shoulders go rigid this time, and though you can’t see his expression, you can still catch the twitch of his jaw. He’s stopped swiping through the presentation slides, now stuck on the first one as he gazes ahead. For a minute, everything’s quiet, you think he might not say anything at all. But when he speaks up, he doesn’t raise his voice, instead he lowers it, until it’s nothing but a low drawl of his tongue.

“You think this is funny?” The cold words send a shiver down your spine, and even though he isn’t looking at you, you felt as if you were being judged under a microscope. “I… I’m sorry..?” You squeak, your voice nearly inaudible but Beomgyu catches it. — He chuckles, pushing his chair back as he turns to you.

The fiery brown in his eyes is long gone, replaced with an ashy looking color, like he was drained of all life. His lips, usually pulled into either a scowl or a menacing smirk, remain just as unreadable as the rest of his face. — “Do you enjoy this?” He asks, but it hardly sounds like a question.

You gulp, fingers pressing so hard against the keyboard that you have managed to insert a whole paragraph of nonsense onto the powerpoint. Quietly shaking your head, you think of a way to salvage the toes you’d accidentally stepped on. “No I, I’m sorry…” You swallow once more, “I just…I don’t know what happened between you…I..”

Beomgyu’s loud scoff cuts you off, and you watch as he gets up from the chair, kicking it back against the desk. With two long strides he reaches you by the edge of the bed. Though he was barely an inch or two taller than yourself, he somehow managed to appear menacing as he loomed over you. “Has it ever crossed your mind that it might not be any of your fucking business?” He says, his tone remaining indifferent as he glares down at you with those empty and dying eyes.

You bite your tongue, refraining from intervening and saying that practically everyone at school knew it. Though you were sure he already knew that too. — Beomgyu huffs out a sharp exhale, shaking his head. “Every single fucking day”, he mutters, his eyes narrowing as they linger by your slightly sheepish expression. “Every day, people like you, stick their nose where it doesn’t belong.”

The way he spoke, grouping you together with the other students, it shouldn’t have made your chest churn the way it did. “People like me?” You repeat the words, tasting them on your tongue, and finding that you don’t like them. Beomgyu, on the other hand, merely sends you a small look of distaste, the only emotion that had managed to pass his features in a whole week.

“What? You think you’re something else?” He jeers, frowning when you get up from the bed, straightening your back as you come face to face with him. — “I know I am”, you say, forcing your voice to remain steady. You knew that you weren’t the only one who’s thoughts lingered in the past. You knew that he must still think of the two of you from time to time, even if only for a brief moment.

Beomgyu finally seems to catch on, his brows rising on his forehead when he does. He looks like he’s about to burst into laughter, you think that he might. “Oh that’s right”, he muses, “You think you’re special because I was nice to you back then, because I took pity on you.” He pushes a strand of dark hair from his face with the help of his pinky, “Bet it was the first time something like that happened.”

You didn’t want to admit that he was right, that it had been the first time someone had ever gone out of their way for you. That it had been the first time someone had ever gifted you something, apart from your own family, that it was the first time someone willingly sat with you during lunch. But your mind gets caught on that one word he’d used. Pity.

Was that all it was to him? A game of play-pretend, a chance for him to play hero? You shake your head, it couldn’t be, it wasn’t. — For two years, you had blamed Choi Yeonjun. You had blamed him for taking Beomgyu away from you, for turning him into someone you couldn’t recognize, for ruining your only chance at an actual friendship, perhaps even something else.

It was easy to blame Yeonjun, you didn't like him, you never had. But you could never bring yourself to actually blame Beomgyu himself, because that would mean he was a bad person, and you didn’t want him to be. You wanted him to remain the perfect version you had created in your head, the version you thought you liked. It became clear now, that he wasn’t.

“You’re a liar.”

You state, fingers twitching by your sides as you resist the urge to wrap your arms around yourself. Beomgyu’s expression morphs into one of confusion, then he scoffs. “A liar?” He asks, his voice hollow: “Do you hear yourself talk? You sound fucking crazy.” — “If you think for a second that what we have is different from any other piece of shit person in this school, you’re wrong.” He spits, eyes flaring up for the first time in so long, a small fire igniting within them.

He continues to list reasons, reasons to hate you, reasons to hate him, reasons to hate everything. You weren't listening. All you see is his eyes, burning with rage, with life.

It’s unexplainable, the feeling that surged in your chest, that pounds against your ribcage and pulls on your lungs as it sucks the air from them. And you don’t know why you took a step forward, why you let your hands brush against his, why you didn’t stop when you saw the bewilderment on his face. You don’t know why you leaned in closer, when you should be pulling back. — And you don’t know why you couldn’t look away, why you couldn’t tear your gaze from the flames dancing across his eyes.

You don’t know why you kissed him.

But you did.

And now it was too late to ever go back. — Though you're not sure you want to.

His lips feel soft against yours, not that you had ever stopped to think about how it would ever feel. Yet this somehow seemed right. You don’t open your eyes to look at him, you don’t think you could bear that. Still, you’re surprised when he doesn’t immediately jerk backward, when he doesn’t push you away. — Beomgyu hesitates. You think it’s the first time you’ve ever seen him do.

The moment lasts forever, and somehow it seems to have vanished within the blink of an eye. The bed squeaks when you crash against the mattress, you can still feel the flat of his palms on your shoulders as the force he’d used to shove you away from him lingered.

When you peer up at him, you find him already watching you. The flames in his eyes seemed to burn even brighter now. His jaw clenches, fingers curling into fists by his sides as he struggles to keep his composure. — Your lips part, but no words come out. What was there to say? Sorry? But you weren’t. I hate you? But you didn’t.

Beomgyu speaks before you get the chance to, his nostrils flaring as he takes a deep breath. “You’re fucking insane.” It’s all he says, not waiting for a response as he turns back to your desk. He shoves his laptop in his bag with such force that you thought its seams might break.

Then he heads for the door, reaching it in four long strides. He doesn’t turn to look at you, not like he had that day. He rips it open, ignoring the squeaking sound it made when he slammed it shut behind him.

The silence that follows echoes through your small dorm. And you remain on your bed, motionless, staring ahead as your fingers reach up to touch your lips. — Still burning with the fire he’d igninited.

⸝⸝

That night was a quiet one, your dorm room basked in the eerie glow of the moon. Nothing but the soft sounds of your hushed sobs filling the confined space. Your pillow is wet, stained with your tears as you cry into the cotton. It was pathetic, really. In fact, you didn’t even know why you were crying. — But as soon as the door had slammed shut, and you had been left alone with nothing but your lingering thoughts, everything had become too much to bear.

The events of the past few weeks finally catching up to you, breaking the dam of pent of tears you’d been so carefully keeping at bay. It felt as if it would never stop. You didn’t know whether you felt humiliated, rejected or just straight up insulted. Part of you just felt stupid. What the fuck were you even thinking? Kissing him like that. The image itself makes you grimace, and with a heavy sigh you pull yourself into a sitting position.

After fumbling in the dark for a few moments, your fingers manage to grasp your phone. The bright light of its screen blinds you, and you squint as you scroll through your ridiculously short contact list. — The line rings for almost a whole minute, all the while you anxiously bite on your short nails, chopping the last bits of green polish from your nail beds. And when he finally picks up, it’s silent, save for the deep breaths he emits as he waits for you to speak.

“Taehyun?”

Your voice comes out a lot more hoarse and strained than you had anticipated, causing you to immediately clear your throat. Taehyun groans, and you hear him shift slightly as he mutters something incoherent. “Do you know what time it is?” He finally asks in a groggy, sleep-laced tone. A spark of guilt blooms in your chest, and you throw a quick glance toward the time on your phone, showing that it was well past midnight.

“I’m sorry…I just”, you bite your lip, hesitating for a moment. It wasn’t like you didn’t trust Taehyun, it was just different. You and Taehyun were different. Part of you thinks he won’t understand, that he might judge you, no you know he will. Still, he was the only one you could turn to. — “Taehyun, I think I messed up.”

He doesn’t answer right away, but you know he’s still there. You sit in silence for a while, just listening to his breaths, and for a moment you wonder if he’s fallen back asleep. But then he speaks, this time he sounds more awake. — “How bad?” He asks, and somewhere in the background, you think you can make out a light being flicked on.

“Really bad..”

⸝⸝

You had never been to Taehyun’s house before. Two years of so called friendship and you would think that you’d progressed further. But as you heave the last step leading up from the subway, you stop in order to relocate yourself. The neighbourhood looked average, yet inviting. Its quaint little houses, lined up along the dimly lit street, all reflected one another.

Number 14, that was the one you were looking for. Your worn out sneakers hit the asphalt with heavy thuds, and a small cloud forms when you exhale out into the cold December air. With your fingers stuffed deep in the pockets of your duvet jacket, you make a slight turn, coming face to face with house number 14.

It looked just like the rest, a small mailbox by the fence gate, its white paint chipped in places. You push it open, stepping up the small graveled path taking you to the doorsteps. Taehyun told you not to ring the bell, but to quietly knock. He didn’t live alone, you knew that much. — He shared the small flat with one of the juniors, you think his name might be Kai.

You knock once, proceeding to wrap your arms around yourself as you wait anxiously for him to open. It takes him a mere thirty seconds, and when the door swings aside, you're met with the still sleep-laced figure of Kang Taehyun. — He’s dressed in nothing but a pair of checkered sweatpants and a black t-shirt, the glasses he always wore nowhere to be seen. He looked far different like this, it takes you a moment to even recognize him.

Your silence must’ve been unusual, because he soon cocks an eyebrow, stepping aside as he motions for you to get in.

Taehyun’s place looks nothing like you’d imagined it. It was far messier. With clothes hanging off the kitchen chairs, lecture material spread over the round table and piles of books crowding the already small countertop. Still, he doesn't seem to mind the slight chaos as he reaches up to fetch two glasses from the cabinet, not saying anything as he fills them both with water from the tap.

This eternal silence covers you both like a thick blanket, enveloping you in a false sense of ignorance, like the fact that you were currently in his kitchen, at 3am no less, was completely normal. — Taehyun remains quiet as he walks past you and into the joint living room, you trail behind him, eyes lingering on the discarded guitar that rested against the wall.

The large green sofa takes up a good third of the room, and Taehyun sets your glasses down on the wooden coffee table in front of it as you take a seat. — “Do you play?” It’s the first thing that comes to mind, not a ‘Hello, sorry for bothering you so late at night and barging into your home.” But you can’t help yourself, somewhere in the back of your mind, you hear Beomgyu, clearly remembering the day he’d told you about his love for music, no less the guitar.

But Taehyun merely shrugs, and when he speaks, his voice is groggy. “Kai does.” The statement doesn’t leave room for further questions, and you thought it was probably wise to not bother him with more small talk.

Reaching for the glass, your fingers wrap around its cold surface as you bring it to your lips. You sip slowly, prolonging the inevitable confession you were to make. And as the refreshing water slides down your incredibly dry throat, you sneak a glance in his direction. It felt odd, seeing Taehyun outside of school like this.

Your gaze lingers on his bare arms, something his uniform never allowed even as much as a glimpse of. He leans against the soft cushion of the couch, mindlessly fiddling with a small string which you had no idea where he’d gotten it from. — It might’ve been the late hour, or the change of scenery, hell it might’ve even been the fact that you’d probably made the biggest mistake of your life not even eight hours ago. But had Taehyun always looked this… Good wasn’t the right word… At least you didn’t think it was.

You suppose he looked… Ordinary. He looked far more relaxed than he ever did at campus, in class or in the cafeteria. This Taehyun resembles little of your class president, right now he just looks like, well him.

“Why are you here?” His sudden question snaps you from your trance and your eyes immediately snap toward the water in your glass, the clear liquid swirling around slowly. Why were you here? Because you were alone, because you were scared, because you didn’t have anyone else to turn to. — “I… I messed up”, your deflated sigh rings out in the living room.

Taehyun continues to fiddle with the small string, twisting it around his thumb. “The presentation?” He asks, but you can tell that was not what he’d actually meant. Still, you nod. “Well that one too, that’s for sure..” You didn’t even want to think about having to face him next Tuesday, much less going through with that presentation together, in front of everyone.

“It’s about him, isn’t it?”

The question was hardly needed, and you mumble out a quiet ‘yes’ as you set your glass down. Taehyun hums, his eyes trained to his hand. You wait for him to say something, but he doesn’t. Biting the inside of your cheek, you inhaled slowly. It was better to get it out right away, wasn’t it? Besides, there was no way you could sugarcoat it, no way for you to lie yourself out of this. You wanted to be honest with Taehyun, because it was easier to be honest with him than with yourself.

“I kissed him.”

There. You said it. So why didn’t the lump in your throat ease? Why did your chest still feel tight and your palms sweaty? Why couldn’t it all just go away, you did what you were supposed to, you confessed. Was that not enough? — Taehyun doesn’t look surprised. In fact he looks almost amused. As if he was betting with himself, ultimately ending up winning as you said what he’d already expected you to.

“I think he hates me even more now. No - I know he does.” You can’t stop the words from flowing, all your pent up emotions rolling off your tongue in one swift motion. “I don’t think he’s ever going to talk to me again. And I’ll probably have to do the presentation alone. But I don’t reckon he’ll tell anybody, I’m sure he’s embarrassed about being associated with me. Fucking entitled asshole.” The last part comes out with slight distaste.

“Don’t you agree?” You turn to Taehyun who’s been listening quietly. Finally, he glances up from the string he’s fiddling with. He sighs, “I think you should’ve stayed away from him just like I told you to.” — His words made your chest tighten even further, but they were not surprising. You knew what his response would be, you had known before you even picked up the phone to call him. Still, you did it. Because even if he told you what you’d already heard so many times before, it was something, and something was better than nothing.

“Why did you do it?” You quietly ask him, your question coming out nearly inaudible. “Hm?” His dark eyes, the ones you used to watch behind the thick lens of his glasses, shift over to you. — “Why did you write his essay?” Your sudden change makes him pause, his fingers stilling around the thin thread he’d been twirling for the past minutes. Taehyun looks at you, but you can tell he’s not actually looking at you.

“What do you mean?” It takes him almost a whole minute to reply. That had never happened before. Holding your tongue, you consider your next words carefully. You’d been wanting to ask him about that day in the hallway for so long now, it had been pestering you for weeks, like an itch you couldn’t quite scratch. Because if it was one thing you couldn’t understand, it was why someone like Taehyun, would do something like that, for someone like Beomgyu.

“Does he have something on you? Is he bullying you?”

Taehyun shakes his head, his jaw clenching as he discards the thread between his fingers. “No”, he finally states, his voice firm. He was lying. He had to be, right? — “Then why?” You knew you were pushing far, too far, but you wanted, no, needed answers. But he only averts his gaze, his attention fixed on something far ahead. You try to follow his line of sight, your own eyes landing on the crowded bookshelves.

Books. Your lip twitches at the sight of pages worth of study material. But as you survey the shelves closely, you find that they’re neatly organised, unlike the chaos that spread through the rest of the house. From different subjects, all neatly categorized, yet one book remained alone, separated from the rest. You didn’t recognize its cover.

“Latin.”

Taehyun’s thoughts seem to align perfectly with yours as he, too, eyes the lonesome book. “I didn’t know you took latin..” You murmur, still not tearing your gaze from the shelf. Beside you, Taehyun hums before going silent once more. That silence lingers for another thick and heavy minute. The darkness of his living room closing in on you, the sounds of your quiet breaths remaining the only signs of life.

“Hardly anyone picks latin”, he then adds, nodding toward the book on the very edge of the shelf. You nod, even though you don’t exactly understand where he’s going with this. Taehyun sighs, and he sounds tired, “Picked it ‘cause I felt bad.” — “The professor would hardly have a class to teach this semester if it wasn’t for me.”

You frown, shifting back to him as your lips part in an unspoken question. But Taehyun doesn’t need to look at you to know what goes on inside your head. — He shrugs, “You asked me why.”

The silence that follows his last words did not feel as heavy as the others. It merely felt…confusing. Your gaze drops to your hands, placed neatly on your lap. Exhaling through your nose, you begin picking away at your already chipped nail polish, watching as the red flakes fell to your knees. Latin… He picked it out of pity? Not because he enjoyed it but because he felt bad?

But what did Latin have to do with…

“Did you want to do it?” Taehyun suddenly asks, and it felt weird, because he hardly asked questions about you, and especially not about Beomgyu. — The lump in your throat bounces back twice as big this time, and your fingers still. “Yes.” If there was one thing you were sure of, it was that. You wanted to kiss Choi Beomgyu, and you had.

“I don’t…” You begin but quickly trail off. Taehyun is patient. He waits for you to continue, he waits for two whole minutes, until finally, you say: “I don’t regret it.” — “And I wish I could tell him that.”

Taehyun shifts on the green cushion, turning so that he’s now facing you. His gaze isn’t the narrowed and sharp one you’d grown so accustomed to. This one’s gentle, almost soft. — “So why haven’t you?”

⸝⸝

“What the fuck is your problem?”

The voice is sharp, and you think you might recognize it. It makes you halt, stopping just as you were about to round the corner taking you to the dormitories. With your back now pressed against the cool wall, you freeze, listening to the conversation taking place. You had mindlessly been returning to the place you called home after a long day of classes, when suddenly two arguing voices caught your attention.

“My problem?”, Beomgyu spits, his tone harsh and defensive, “Fucking hell man, have you even seen yourself lately?”

The other voice, which you now recognize as Yeonjun's, cuts back with an equal bite. “Oh come on, just admit that you have something against her. – It’s not like you’ve ever tried to hide it.”

Beomgyu remains quiet, the air feeling dense and heavy with unspoken feelings. “I don’t have anything against her.” He pauses and you wonder what his face might look like right now, furious, deflated? He exhales, “It’s you, okay? You’re the issue here.”

You could almost hear the surprise as it radiated off of Yeonjun, and you manage to get a glimpse of one of his arms as he shifts on the spot. “The fuck is that supposed to mean?” He sounds confused, agitated almost.

“It means..” Beomgyu begins, though quickly cutting himself short as he inhales. “It means you’ve changed, alright. — And I don’t know what the fuck is going on with you but you..” He trails off, the frustration at not being able to say what he wants, what he feels, is palpable and you shift uncomfortably against the wall as you hold your breath.

Yeonjun scoffs, it sounds almost like laughter. “Oh, so I get a girlfriend and suddenly can’t hang anymore?” — “Yes.” Beomgyu immediately responds. “You and that fucking good for nothing ner-”

Thud.

It sounds almost as if one of them had shoved the other against the wall and your eyes widened as you resist the urge to take just a single step forward, to round the corner and see for yourself. — Yeonjun is the first to speak. “You fucking watch your mouth!” He snarls and you can make out Beomgyu’s low groan as he splutters against what you presumed to be Yeonjun’s chokehold on him.

“Or what?” He counters in a strained voice, the teasing edge evident, the one he used to mask how hurt he was.

The sound of Yeonjun’s fist connecting with what could only be Beomgyu’s face echoes through the otherwise empty hallway and your heart drops to your stomach. But Beomgyu merely chuckles. “She ruined everything”, he grumbles, merely adding fuel to the fire.

“Shut your mouth.”

Beomgyu snickers, and Yeonjun’s frustration bounces off the walls. You’d heard enough, and you certainly weren’t going to risk staying and ending up in the middle of it. So you turn around, and just as quickly as you had come, you retreat again.

⸝⸝

You nervously pace your room, mumbling the words to yourself over and over, trying your hardest to memorize them. It had dawned on you that you would be doing this alone, and now what remained was to learn everything. But no matter how many times you circled your bed, you always found yourself off track, needing to double check your laptop over and over.

You were slowly becoming desperate. Nothing seemed to work in your favor. — You curse yourself for letting your feelings get the better of you. For being naive, for thinking that he actually felt something, anything for you. Had you just restrained yourself, had you just held back… You wouldn’t be in this situation right now.

Anxiously gnawing on your nails, your teeth scrape their beds as you re-read the paragraphs written on the powerpoint for the fifthteenth time. The sentences had started to blur, the words merging with one another slowly. — You shake your head, willing yourself to stay focused, to not let your emotions get the better of you, again.

But then there it is. A loud, almost frantic, knock at your door. — Knock! Knock!

Your head jerks in its direction, the presentation long forgotten about as your eyes narrow on the dark oak. You throw a glance at the time, 8:29 pm, what could anyone possibly want you at this hour? — But the knocking persists.

Knock! Knock! Knock!

It’s loud, flaring like thunder through your dormitory and it makes you jump. Naturally, you do the only thing that comes to mind; you approach, with both curious and wary steps. Your hesitant hand reaches for the handle, the other one twisting the lock as you pull the door open. — The sight that greets you on the other side is nothing you could’ve ever imagined.

Beomgyu looks even worse than he had a week ago. The bags under his eyes were a permanent look now, dark and sunken in. His long hair falls in uneven sections down the sides of his face, a few strands sticking to his forehead, covered in a sheen layer of sweat. Even his expensive uniform was messed up, tie hanging loosely around his neck and his white shirt torn by the seams.

You can only make out half his face, the rest shielded by his unkempt and dark hair. But what stood out was the large and angry bruise covering his cheek. Its blue and purple hues were a stark contrast to his honey-like skin. You knew where he’d gotten that. His breaths come out ragged, shallow, like he’d ran here. Perhaps he had. Your lips part, but before you can get the question out, he’s barging inside, slamming the door shut behind him. — “Beomgyu what..” Your words fall short as he pushes his hair from his face, revealing his dark eyes to you.

They were burning with the same fire they had been that night, the night you kissed him. The flames dance across his bottomless irises. You think that if you got too close, you’d end up burning yourself. Another part of you thinks it’s too late to take cover. That you had already walked inside and sealed the door shut behind you, and now you would burn with him.

He takes a step forward, the fire drawing in closer and you squint against its flames. His chest heaves, it clouds your narrowed vision as he backs you up against the nearest wall. Something had happened, something had made him like this, because this was not the Beomgyu you knew. The Beomgyu you knew would be repulsed to even as much as near you, to even breathe the same circuit of air as you.

He is not the Beomgyu you know. Because the Beomgyu you know would never kiss you.

But this one does, and it’s without hesitating that his hands reach for your face, cupping both cheeks in his blazing hot palms as he brings your face to his. — Your eyes widen, alarm bells going off in your mind, screaming for you to push him back, to demand answers from him. So why don’t you? Why do you let him kiss you, why do you let him toy with you like this?

Beomgyu did not like you. He hated you. That was a fact. Not because he’d said so himself, or because he treated you like he did. But because it was the reality you had been feeding yourself for so long. It put you at ease, knowing that he hated you, because if he did, then he at least felt something for you. You weren’t just another face in the halls, your time together wasn’t just a figment of his or your imagination, it had been real. The two of you were real, and the resentment and hate was a confirmation of just that.

So when his lips press against yours, warm and wet, his tongue slips inside your mouth without waiting to hear your startled yelp.. The reality you had built for yourself suddenly starts to crumble. Everything was wrong, this was not how it was supposed to be. — You had allowed yourself a slip up last week, a moment of weakness. You had kissed him. For a brief, short and awfully painful moment you had let your own desires consume you. And you had paid the price.

This time Beomgyu was acting on his desires, not yours. And that scared you.

His chest is flush against yours, his grip on your face unwavering as he forces your lips to meet in a searing kiss. You don’t understand. You thought you had him all figured out, this wasn’t supposed to happen, why is he… — “Beomgyu, stop!” Your nails dig into his shoulders, tearing him off of you with all your might. He separates from you, if only an inch, the kiss coming to an abrupt stop as you’re left panting.

His lips are coated in saliva, a small string connecting the two of you before it breaks just a second later. You barely recognize him. “What’s going on?” The question is accusing, your voice laced with confusion and anger.

Beomgyu remains silent, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand as he exhales a final heavy breath. His jaw clenches when he swallows, and his dark eyes flicker down to your lips once more. — “Shut up.” It’s all he says, but there’s no malice in the way he does. It sounds almost like a plea. And the fire within his eyes seems to burn even brighter as his gaze meets yours. “Please just shut up.”

You did not want to shut up. You wanted to ask what the fuck he thought he was doing. You wanted to show him just how it felt when he rejected you just days prior. You wanted to tell him that he was ‘fucking insane’ and slam the door shut in his own face. — You did none of that.

Tomorrow he would not speak of this. He would act as if it never happened, he would bury it as deep as he could. He might think that this is his only solution today, that this will be his solace for whatever might’ve set him off. But it isn’t, and when this night morphs into dawn, he will realize that. — You don’t want him to.

You should tell him to stop right now. He’ll only end up hurting you, not that he cares, he never had. But you, you should care. So why don’t you?

Your fingers tug his already loose tie off, letting it slip from his neck before you work on his shirt, hastily unbuttoning it. Beomgyu follows in your tracks, letting you shrug the torn garment from his shoulders before he reaches for the pajama pants you wore. — You stop him, your hand on his wrist. “On the bed, please”, you whisper against his lips.

His nod is barely noticeable before he hoists you into his arms. The sudden action startles you and you cling to him in shock as he gently places you down onto the mattress. He just about bothers to shove your laptop to the floor, muttering something incoherent about being able to get you a new one if it broke. You can’t find it in you to care, not when he climbs on top of you, the bed squeaking beneath his weight as he does.

You feel warm, fuzzy, intoxicated even. Bleary eyes finding his as he hurriedly presses his lips against yours again. It was almost as if he was trying to drown out whatever thoughts plagued his mind as his hands grabbed at whatever part of you he could access. — His fingers hook around the waistline of your pajama pants, attempting to tug them off once more, and this time he succeeds.

The air of your dormitory is cool against your naked skin, causing goosebumps to flare across it as Beomgyu slides your clothes down your body. He was moving fast, almost too fast. For some reason you let him, even though you know you probably shouldn’t. He was being selfish right now, wasn’t he? Using you like this, only to quiet his own worries, to soothe his own pain. He didn’t care for your feelings and he never would, not even now as his hands hover above your panties, fingers tracing their lining with eagerness.

Or perhaps you were the selfish one? He clearly wasn’t thinking straight. The Beomgyu you knew would never stoop to this level, he would never go for someone like you, and you would never allow it.. Right? — Were you selfish for using him in this state, for egging him on even when you knew that the two of you were to regret this in the morning?

Maybe.

You don’t care.

His fingers slide beneath the fabric of your pantines, running between your folds, circling your clit once as he pulls a shaky gasp from you. Your hands are still gripping his shoulders, nails digging into the skin there, leaving crescent like shapes in their wake. — He doesn’t wait, doesn’t drag the process out. You can tell that his mind is set on one thing. That’s okay, so were yours. Right?

You cry out when he pushes two fingers inside of your aching cunt, curling them meticulously as his lips trail down your jaw. Your hips arch off the bed, meeting his movements as you wordlessly beg for more. — “Beomgyu, we… we should..” You didn’t even know what you wanted to say, the feelings swirling within your chest were difficult to convey.

But he won’t have a word of it. “Shut up”, he grunts, the palm of his free hand pressing against your pelvis as he shoves you back against the mattress. He’s rough, surprisingly so. You’d always taken him for a little bitch. But his strength startles you, as well as sending a shot of heat through your stomach, making you clench around his fingers.

If he notices it, he doesn’t bother to comment, which is unusual for him. Something bad must’ve happened, that’s all you can think. Something so bad had happened that his only resolve was you. The thought of him using you to get over whatever had hurt, it should upset you. It should make you feel small and insignificant, but it never did.

Beomgyu tugs your panties down, throwing them over his shoulder as he parts your already spread legs. — Your hands glide over the apex of his shoulders, and you blink up at him expectantly. He doesn’t return your gaze. That hurt.

Instead he focuses on the zipper of his uniform pants, undoing it with a harsh tug before slipping hand down his pants. His low groan pierces the thick and hot air, the sound is one so sinful, one you could have never imagined coming from his lips. — Your eyes dart down to his cock when he pulls it free, tongue subconsciously darting out to wet your lips as you regard the way he languidly strokes himself.

“Touch yourself”, he says, his voice low and gruff as he eyes your dripping cunt. — Surprised, you hesitantly comply as you reach a hand down between your thighs, fingers experimentally dragging across your core. The small moan that slips off your tongue makes your face heat up as you avoid his gaze.

You push two fingers inside of your pleading cunt, not even bothering to put on a show for him as you let yourself become immersed in how it feels, how good it feels. In fact everything felt good, a little too good, when you know it shouldn’t. — You watch him through the corner of your eye, catching the bead of precum that slid down his veiny shaft. And your stomach flutters uncontrollably when he squeezes around himself, letting his head tip back with a strained moan.

When he’s evidently had enough, he pushes your hand away, ignoring your cries as you lose any semblance of pleasure. Though your loss is soon replaced by the head of his cock as he slides it between your folds. It bumps against your clit, making you shudder as your fingers twist in the bed sheets. — Your lips part, but Beomgyu’s hand covers them again.

“Don’t.” He grunts, his attention focused on the way his thick cock gently eases itself inside your warm cunt. Your eyes widen, a small and muffled noise of pleasure leaving you as you squirm beneath him. — “Don’t say anything”, he nearly pleads, his dark and burning gaze flickering to your face for a brief moment.

Your chest contracts, you didn’t understand.. Yet you complied, sealing your lips off to anything that wasn’t a cry or a moan. — Beomgyu’s pace is rough, leaving no room for you to argue as he snaps his hips against yours. The bed frame rattles against your wall, and you briefly worried that the sound would carry into the next room. Beomgyu doesn’t seem to care.

His hand slides off of your lips, resting on the mattress just inches from your face as he hovers above you. — Stifling a small whimper, you reach up to touch him, any part of him that you could. This was your chance, no?

You can feel every twitch of muscle as you drag your fingertips along his arms, letting your hands glide across his tense shoulders. Beomgyu shudders when you reach the nape of his neck. — He complies when you pull him down for another kiss. This one starts out slower, but quickly morphs into something that could easily match the pace he was keeping. His teeth pull your bottom lip into his mouth, biting down with a force that startles you, a surprised moan ripping from your throat.

He made you feel nearly delirious, like you didn’t exist, nothing felt real. But at the same time, you could feel everything at once. He was so close, closer than he'd ever been to you. Not even back then, back when you considered him your friend. Not even then did it feel like this.. Raw, scorching hot, burning and most importantly, alive.

Your chest is already hurting, already mourning the loss of him that was to come. Why couldn’t you just allow yourself to live in the moment, to give in to your desires completely, even if they were beyond what you knew to be possible. This was real, he was here, with you. For now, for tonight, everything was different, and you should let it be just that.

“I love you.”

The confession slips past your lips. It carries out into the dim room, bouncing off the walls, ringing in your ears and pounding against your ribcage. Beomgyu stills inside of you, his dark eyes immediately landing on yours as they narrow. — Fuck. You shouldn’t have said that. Did you even mean it? Or had you let your flimsy emotions get the better of you once again.

But this wasn’t just a small peck on the lips. Something you could pull back from, something you could wipe off your mouth and forget about. This was you baring your heart to him. This was you showing your most vulnerable self. — This was you being selfish.

Beomgyu’s face twists into a scowl, the way it did whenever he tried to mask how hurt he was. Because that’s what he was tonight. Hurt. It’s why he’d come here. To use you. To let himself forget. He’d begged you to be quiet. — And you had done the exact opposite.

“You don’t.” His statement is cold, and it sends a shiver down your spine. “You don’t know what you’re saying”, he grunts. And his expression hardens when you insistently shake your head.

“I do”, your lips press into a thin line, determination flickering across your features. That was a lie. You did not know if you loved him. But you knew that you pitied him, that your heart ached for him. It was like every punch to his gut went straight to your heart. — Perhaps the hurt was so strong that you had confused it with love. Maybe your empathy for him got mistaken for real feelings in your mind.

How should you know? It wasn’t like you’d ever felt it before.

And he hadn’t either. You were sure of it.

“I know what I’m..” — “I said you don’t know anything!” Beomgyu’s voice cuts you off, it sounds like a scream. Ear-piercing and deafening. Beomgyu was yelling at you. And it scared you.

He shifts above you, elbows digging into the mattress and you suddenly remember that his throbbing cock is nestled within your cunt. You think he might pull back, that he will get up and leave. That’s what he should do. But he doesn’t. — Instead he jolts back into action, snapping his hips against yours with newfound force, his jaw clenching as his dark eyes bore into you.

“You’re confused”, he jeers, and you choke back a wanton moan when his thumb circles your clit. “Lot of girls get confused when they’re stuffed with cock”, he scoffs, “And you’re no different.” — Beomgyu was back to his old self, the cruel and menacing one. The Beomgyu that fronted whenever he tried to hide his true feelings, when the real him was feeling weak. You should’ve seen it coming, really. But his words still hurt, they always did.

He rams himself into you, making your thighs quiver as they meekly wrap around his chest, drawing him even closer. You screw your eyes shut, not wanting to see him for as much as another second. He doesn’t seem to care, in fact he hardly seems to care about anything at the very moment.

His fingers are harsh against your clit as he drinks in every moan you emit. And when you finally finish around his cock, your cunt fluttering around him, he doesn’t say anything. You pant, still refusing to look at him as you catch your breath. His thick cock makes you wince as it continues to push into you with demand.

Beomgyu pulls out wordlessly. Hissing out into the quiet air as he cums all over your spread thighs, his sharp intake of air pounding in your ears. His release is warm, a sickening contrast to the cold sweats that had broken out on your body. It nearly makes you shiver.

A new kind of silence follows after that. One full of knowing. Because you both knew that what had transpired tonight, was not something you would ever talk about again. The unanswered questions would never be brought to discussion. And you were supposed to be okay with that. You were supposed to be okay with this.

You don’t know if you ever will be.

⸝⸝

The bed was empty that following morning. The only trace of Beomgyu were the rustled sheets where he’d slept. And you spent nearly an hour tracing their patterns with the tips of your fingers, following every crease of duvet carefully as you memorized the shape of him.

You knew that this was how it was going to end, as nothing more but yet another mistake. Another reason for him to hate you, and you him. Which is why you shouldn’t feel this melancholic. He sure as hell wasn’t. So why should you suffer? Yet it takes everything in you to drag yourself out of bed that day.

The water is scorching hot against your skin, and you lean against the cool tiles as you close your eyes. But no matter how hard you scrubbed, how many layers of soap you covered yourself beneath. The feeling of his hands never went away. You almost thought you could see them, the faint outlines of his hands, all over your body. And as soon as you let your mind wander, even for just a second, you could feel him on you again.

With a shudder you shake your head, promptly turning the water from flaming hot to an icy cold. The warmth reminded you of him, of the fire in his eyes and the burn of his touch. Cold water did not remind you of anything, that was better.

Part of you had thought, almost hoped, that he would come to you, that he would beg of you to keep quiet, to not utter a single word about the night that had been. But he never did. Presentation day comes, and it passes again. It wasn’t very dramatic, in fact, it was like nothing had changed at all.

His indifference hurt the most. Perhaps the night had meant nothing to him. It had been just as you suspected, a way for him to forget. Forget whatever it was that had happened with Yeonjun that afternoon. — It had worked. Beomgyu seemed to have forgotten, but you remembered, you remembered far too much.

Winter break began a mere three days later.

A different kind of excitement lingered in the air. No matter how old you got, the joy of Christmas never seemed to dull people’s spirits. Almost three weeks to spend with family and friends, three weeks away from the tortuous hell that was college. Except you would stay right where you were.

This would be the third Christmas you spent on campus. And while the school offered the remaining students to gather in the cafeteria for present unwrapping and long movie marathons, it was never the same as the warm embrace of home. — But home has long since lost its meaning to you. And Christmas no longer felt like a holiday.

Taehyun had left as well, leaving you with nothing but your own thoughts to reconcile with. Suppose it was during the holidays you realized just how lonely you were. That hurt, of course. — You would spend your days doing mundane things, like reading, writing, drawing… Anything to get your mind off of the almost depressing reality you faced. It usually only worked for an hour or so. It was like a constant loop of distraction, one where you chased the comfort that slowly slipped from your fingers.

But you were tired of chasing.

⸝⸝

Your worn out sneakers make an awful squeaking noise against the polished floors and the sound rings in your ears. It’s all you can hear, which serves to quiet your thoughts for a moment, proving to be quite the distraction.

The long hallways are eerily empty and quiet, it gives them an almost uncanny feeling. Campus no longer felt like campus, more like a shell of its former self. You knew that it would change as soon as break was over of course, but for now you were forced to make your way down the vacant halls all alone in order to get to the cafeteria and have dinner.

It was for these exact reasons that the sudden tap to your shoulder made your heart drop.

With a quick spin of your heel, you come face to face with the person you’d least expected to see. — His dark hair is nicely done, and his eyes glimmer with a kindness that two months ago would have had you doing a double take. Snow had melted on the shoulders of his jacket, and the tip of his nose was a bright red. An almost gentle smile is splayed across his rosy lips, and he gives a nervous chuckle. You almost didn’t recognize Choi Yeonjun.

“Hey uh..” He scratches the back of his neck rather awkwardly, his eyes darting around the empty hallway. “You don’t happen to know if there’s someone with keys to classroom 017? - My girl forgot one of her books in there before the break you see..” — You remain silent. You don’t think you’d ever had a decent conversation with Yeonjun, ever. It had all been mean and crude comments, nasty smirks and awfully childish pranks where you became a laughing stock.

So to say that it felt a little weird to be approached by him like this, well that would certainly classify as an understatement. Your first instinct was to walk away, to leave him hanging like he deserved or perhaps you should belittle him on his obliviousness, did he not know all keys were held in the lobby? You refused an eye roll. — For the first time since your night with Beomgyu, a different kind of emotion blossoms within your chest.

Anger.

Your mind easily recognizes Yeonjun as the one who’d taken Beomgyu from you two years ago. It was him who you’d blamed for the way Beomgyu turned out, it was him who was at fault. It was him… He…

You swallow, giving him a small nod, “Think there should be someone up by the lobby.” The polite words sting on your tongue, your fingers itching as they clenched and unclened. Yeonjun on the other hand, smiles, his grin stretching wide as he thanks you. What had changed?

“I best head there then.” With his hands stuffed deep in the pockets of his jeans, he turns and begins his journey down the lifeless corridor. You watch him, eyes trailing over his figure for a moment before you call out. — “Hey, wait!”

He pauses, turning back to you with raised brows. You march forward without giving yourself the chance to think it over once more. The sounds of you sneakers squeaking against the floors becomes almost deafening but you disregard it as you come to a halt before him. Straightening yourself up, you hold his confused but intrigued gaze.

“You were friends with Beomgyu, right?” It wasn’t a question, but you phrased it like one anyway. The smile immediately falls from his face upon hearing your words, and for a split second, the old Yeonjun, the face you recognized in the halls fronted. His lips twist into a small scowl and his dark brows furrow. “What’s it to you?” His voice had grown sharp, almost snappy, perhaps you’d hit a sore spot.

Something had happened.

Yeonjun studies you for a moment longer, his brown eyes drinking in your frame. His tongue prods against the inside of his cheek, and he looks almost thoughtful. Then he huffs a short breath, it sounded almost like a laugh. — “Oh, yeah that’s right. I know who you are.” He stated it like it was an insult, like your name weighed heavy, and for all the wrong reasons.

You can feel the confusion evolve on your face, he can too. “Why, I bet he’s told you everything. Bet he came running to you like a bitch.” Yeonjun’s menacing sneer is far from unfamiliar and your chest twists at his words. What was that supposed to mean? — “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” It was true. You had no idea what had happened between the two of them.

It’s silent for a moment, and Yeonjun studies you closely, as if searching for lies. When he finds none his shoulders visibly relax. He lets out a short breath, averting his gaze, as if the confrontation of the subject made him uncomfortable. — “He’s an immature bitch, what do you want me to say?” He doesn’t hesitate as his eyes snap back to you, this time with something akin to fury.

“Couldn’t accept my girl so why should I accept him. – But come on now, he’s told you that already.”

You don’t answer. Your fingers nervously fiddles with one another as your hands rest by your sides. What was he talking about? What was there for you to know. — Your silence seems to make the pieces fall together in his mind, finally assembling a large puzzle and Yeonjun’s face lights up. “Oh shit”, he huffs, “He hasn’t told you anything at all.” It’s a statement, one that makes your heart drop.

He runs a hand through his dark hair, a near sinister grin playing on his lips. “Fucking hell.” — He glances down the hall, which was ironic considering how blatantly vacant it was, then he turns back to you. “I thought– I mean I”, interrupting himself only to clear his throat, Yeonjun looks to be fighting back yet another laugh. “I mean I thought you guys were…”

Shaking his head, he drags the flat of his palm across half his face. “Fuck, I guess not. That’s sad. Really.” — You want to object, tell him that whatever assumption he was currently making was wrong. You wanted to tell him that you and Beomgyu were exactly that. But that would be a lie. And you’d had enough of those.

“Do you not miss him?”

The question takes him by surprise, and Yeonjun pauses as he glances back at you. For a moment he looks offended, taken aback by your bluntness. His lips curl into a small scowl, the one he used to wear in the halls, not anymore though, now it was reserved for only one person, Beomgyu. — “Don’t think that’s any of your business, no? – I mean you guys aren’t even..” He clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth in a disappointing manner.

“Just stay in your own lane”, he then adds, giving you a quick one over. “You’re better off without him anyway. – He’ll only bring you down with him.”

Without another word, Yeonjun walks away. And you don’t stop him. For some reason, his words hurt. They were never directly targeted your way, so why did it hurt to hear him talk bad about Beomgyu? — Why did you feel the need to take on his pain as well, why did you feel the need to carry a burden that was never yours.

The walk to the cafeteria feels even heavier than usual, and you barely get any food down that evening.

⸝⸝

The days sort of blend together when you have nothing to do. They’re rolling on a loop, one after the other, and each one would follow the same mundane pattern. With only a day to spare before Christmas, you finally drag yourself off campus grounds, determined to at least make an attempt at lifting your spirits.

Stores are beyond crowded, and you get shoved left and right as you swim your way through the large masses. God, had none of these people done their Christmas shopping with at least a little margin? — Supposedly not.

You didn’t know what you wanted, hardly anything seemed to catch your eye. Still, you scour the near empty racks, even when nothing appeals. A small cry to your right diverts your attention in said direction where a young girl clings to her mom. — “I want this one!” She whines, her tiny feet stomping against the hard ground. Her mom sighs but eventually complies, shoving yet another toy in their already full cart. She looked exhausted.

Your gaze lingers on the tired moms who rushed about with bags stuffed full, on the dads who checked off lists, on the workers who wiped sweat from their forehead as they tried to get through the long line of customers waiting to pay.

All this commotion for a single day of the year. As much as the thought itself made you want to snort, there was also an undeniable sense of longing that filled your chest. You, too, wanted to rush about, you wanted to have to worry about what to get people for Christmas. You wanted to stay up late and wrap presents, you wanted to see the joy on their faces, hear their laughs.

You didn't want to be alone.

Walking was nice. But it becomes tiresome after a while. With your coat wrapped snugly around your body, you stroll the campus grounds absentmindedly. The cold air made your nose freeze and your cheeks sting, but you refused to return to your dorm just yet. There was something so comforting about being swallowed by the shivers running down your spine, or perhaps it was just numbing, like medicine, only it would never cure you.

The frosty grass crunches beneath the sole of your shoes, and you trudge forward with heavy steps. There was but a thin and crisp layer of snow, one that could be erased with the swipe of your foot. So much for a white Christmas, you thought with a bitter scoff. — Your fingers are on the verge of falling off, but you clutch the small bag in your hand anyway, swinging it back and forth in tune with your casual strides.

You pass a most familiar bench, now coated in a thin blanket of white but undoubtedly the same. Without thinking twice you come to a halt, feet melting into the ground as they force you in place. Furrowed brows press against your narrowed eyes as you peer over at the very same spot where you had seen Beomgyu sitting not long ago, all by himself.

Everything seemed to remind you of him, even when all you wanted was to forget his mere existence. You look away, blinking the hurt from your eyes as you glance toward the entrance leading back inside, leading to warmth and to safety. You should go, you should go there now. But it’s impossible to get yourself to move forward, your legs refuse to carry you and you feel your knees buckle.

With one harsh shake of your head you pull yourself from the small trance. And finally you move, but it is not the entrance you approach. — The old bench squeaks under your weight, and with the help of a gloved hand you dust the worst snow off.

Sigh. Everything looked different now, yet it was as though nothing had changed. You close your eyes, and for a second you could almost imagine him as he sat beside you, sharing a laugh and perhaps even melting the cold away with your hand in his. The image pains you just as much as it warms you.

Had it not been for the cold, the moment out on the bench might have even been tranquil. But the harsh winds soared through your body, chilling you to your core as it forced you to huddle in on yourself. You suck in a sharp breath, the cold air slicing down your throat as you force your almost numb lips together.

Arms wrapped around yourself and fingers digging into your forearms, you’re so busy keeping the cold out that it takes you almost a whole minute to recognize the soft patter of frozen grass crunching beneath feet. But when the sound does reach your ears, your head jerks in its direction.

There, on the other side of the once grassy field, without as much as a uniform or school bag in sight, is Beomgyu. You’re taken aback by his casual appearance, much so that you almost completely disregard his even more unusual visit. But only almost. — What was he doing here? He had a lot of people to spend Christmas with, no? What business did he have on campus?

You shift on the old bench, the squeaking noise of the wood however, catches his attention. You swallow when his dark eyes find yours, even from across the field. For a split second you think that he might just keep on walking, to continue his act of nonchalance, as if nothing had ever happened between the two of you, and that you were crazy for even suggesting such a thing.

But Beomgyu’s gaze doesn’t harden, nor does it lessen. In fact his expression remains completely impassive, though his actions speak for him. He puts one foot before the other, and it’s not until he’s gotten about halfway across the field that you realize where he’s headed. Your stomach drops as you watch him push his hands into the pockets of his jeans, his shoulders slumped as he approaches. Your gaze flickers to the bag in your hands, swallowing nervously as you tune in to the sound of his footsteps nearing.

Beomgyu doesn’t say anything when he sits down beside you, and you listen to the squeaking noise the bench makes in protest to yet another element of weight. You peer at him through the corner of your eye. His hair was shorter, the dark strands no longer reached the nape of his neck but stopped just below his ear. Even the bruise on his face had begun to fade, now it was a mere light purple, with splotches of red coating its edges. Lastly, the tip of his nose, which was an uncharacteristic shade of pink, one you found to be almost endearing.

Your attention travels to the clothes he wore, the jacket looked expensive, undoubtedly more than you could afford even if you saved all your money’s worth. Funnily enough, he doesn’t seem to care for it as his fingers lazily pick at its seams. Beomgyu took a lot of things for granted, you could tell. — Things you could only dream about.

The silence surrounding you is thick, hugging you tight and keeping you from moving. Your lips part as you attempt to break said silence, despite how dry your throat feels. Beomgyu however, is quicker than you as he heaves a sigh.

“Why are you out here?” He asks, his gaze still fixed far ahead as his fingers give his jacket a small break. You had expected a ‘hello’ perhaps even a ‘how are you?’, maybe you would even have been content with a sharp glare or a ‘fuck off’. But Beomgyu leads the conversation in a completely different direction.

When your silence becomes deafening he turns to you. His eyes are filled with something you can’t quite place, something unlike his usual self. He searches your face, as though looking for clues with the help of a magnifying glass. “It’s cold”, he then adds, as if the obvious could not have been made any clearer.

You scoff, shaking your head as you fiddle with the bag in your hands. “I’m dressed for it”, you mutter without looking at him. Beomgyu hums, and for a second it sounds as though he’s about to say something else, only to stop himself. — The thick silence returns, this time it feels almost claustrophobic. You wanted to ask him about that night, you wanted to ask him about Yeonjun, you wanted to ask him about the two of you, you wanted to ask him…

“Why are you out here?” Your quiet whisper is nearly swallowed by the whirling wind but Beomgyu manages to catch it as his attention jumps from the naked trees and back to you. There were a thousand thoughts swimming within his eyes, things that were just waiting to be said. So why didn’t he?

“It’s Christmas”, you add, watching as his lip twitches in amusement. — You could not remember the last time you’d made Beomgyu laugh. He shakes his head, tongue prodding against his cheek. “It is”, he nods in agreement, his gaze dropping to the bag clutched in your hands. “Present?” He asks to which you slowly nod.

Pulling your lip between your teeth, you exhale a deflated sigh, “A stupid one.” You didn’t want to admit that you had bought it for yourself, considering the fact that it would be the only gift you were to receive this year, again. It’s quiet after that and you desperately hoped he would drop the subject again.

Beomgyu shrugs, “Isn’t that the whole point of Christmas?” When you only frown, he continues, “I mean, wrapping things up and giving them away.” He scoffs as he runs a hand through his dark hair, “Using gifts as condolences, it’s quite materialistic don’t you think?”

You wanted to argue that it was not, but as your gaze flickers over the expensive clothes he wore, you realized that he didn't seem even a tad grateful for them. Perhaps they had been just that, condolences. — Your thoughts are interrupted by Beomgyu as he shifts on the bench and his hand reaches into the pocket of his coat.

“I’m not much better”, he murmurs when pulling out a small box. It fit perfectly in his palm, enveloped in silver wrapping with a tiny bow on top. You eye the tiny present with intrigue, your stomach flipping at the sight. — He inhales sharply as he twists the box between his fingers. “Reflecting, repenting all that bullshit..” He mumbles as his brown eyes meet yours, “Suppose that’s what I’m trying to do here.”

Confused, you open your mouth to speak but before you can get as much as a word out, he hands you the gift. His eyes look near pleading as he silently begs for you to accept it, as if it would mean you accepted his apology. Perhaps it would take the guilt off his shoulders if you did. — The frown on your face only grows, but you set your own bag down before reaching a hesitant hand out to grasp the present.

It feels light in your palm, almost weightless. “Open it”, Beomgyu encourages beside you, his warm breath ghosts across your cheek and you hadn’t even realized just how close he was. — Shrugging your mitten off, your free hand carefully plucks the lid from its container. You can feel his gaze on you, watching intently as you gently tug the rustling paper aside.

“I…” You breathlessly begin but Beomgyu quickly cuts you off. “I.. I’m sorry, yeah, that’s what I was…”, he trails off, shrugging as he averts his gaze sheepishly. It’s weird to see him like that, it reminds you of a time long ago, a time before everything.

The reality of his words slowly sank in, Beomgyu was apologizing.

You had spent countless sleepless nights, tossing and turning in bed as you prayed and hoped for a time like this. Was it selfish for you to wish for things to be the way they had been? You wanted to bring back someone who no longer existed, a version of him that was but a mere memory, remembered and kept alive only by you.

Yet here he is, doing just as you had hoped, and for so long. But you hate Choi Beomgyu now. That was a fact. And he hated you too. So this didn’t make sense, no, it wasn’t right. He shouldn’t be apologizing. He should have brushed it off, acted as if nothing had ever happened and given you a shoulder cold enough to bring back the ice age.

“This is wrong.. — I mean, you can’t just-” Biting back a frustrated groan, you twist uncomfortably in your seat as you avoid his reluctant gaze. You can sense his confusion, and it only fuels your frustration. Did he not understand that he couldn’t just undo everything with a simple ‘sorry’ and a gift.

Beomgyu swallows, his adam’s apple bobbing against his throat. “What?” He asks, his gaze dropping to the untouched gift still in your hands, “Do you not like it? — I can get you something else.”

You shake your head, “It’s not about the gift, Beomgyu.” — He frowns, “Then what is it?”

“Everything.”

You’re looking at him now, your heart hammering in your chest as you fight your nerves. “It’s everything, okay? You, me–” You motion between the two of you, “Yeonjun, the presentation, us.” It wasn’t just something you drew a line over, something you blurred and pushed back in the depths of your mind as you tried to forget it.

“But, why does any of that matter?” He wonders with a confused frown, his bottom lip slightly jutted out as he regards you with caution. You have to hold back a scoff, your fingers curl around the small box, knuckles turning white as you resist the urge to roll your eyes. “Because it does! You might not get that, but it hurt me.”

Beomgyu groans as he runs a hand through his short hair. “Fuck, I already apologized what more do you want from me?” His anger matches yours in a way that instantly reminds you of just how bad you could be together, of how deeply he made you feel. — “What difference does it make?” You snap, blinking away the tears that threatened to spill.

“Everything.”

“It changes everything, alright?” His chest heaves when he exhales, his eyes flaring with the same fire they had that night, the night when he wasn’t thinking straight. He probably wasn’t right now either. — “Because”, he swallows, tongue darting out to wet his lips as he regains his composure. “Because I don’t know how else to change things.”

He drags a hand across his face, like he didn’t know what else to do with himself. “You act like I’m the biggest asshole to walk this earth and next thing I know you’re kissing me. It confuses me and it angers me. But even when you’re mean you’re nice, and I hate how it makes me feel. — I hate that it’s you I want to go to when shit goes wrong, and I hate that I did. I hate how you let me use you that night.”

He’s barely taking breaks to breathe in between sentences, and you catch the subtle flush to his cheeks as he speaks. “I fucking hate the fact that you’re always on my mind, much more do I hate that I never even try to will those thoughts away.” Beomgyu bites his bottom lip, chewing on it for a good five seconds before letting it go as he sneaks a glance your way. “But I…” He sighs as he finally comes to a conclusion after his long battle with himself. — “I don’t hate you. I want to, but I can’t”

You swallow, your hand still hugged by the mitten feels clammy and sweaty. Your heart races and your mind jumps between his jumbled words with little coherence. You don’t think you’d ever heard him say so many things at once, and certainly not like that. His usual mean and crude self had completely drained from his system and left was a shell of the Beomgyu you thought you knew.

It was then, you think, that you realized Choi Beomgyu wasn’t so different from you after all. Your gaze drops to the small gift still in your hands. What had once weighed so little now felt heavy in your grasp, like you were holding all of him, all at once. The bracelet fills you with hope, something you’d long since given up on entirely.

You glance toward him. His jaw is clenched tightly as his narrowed eyes peer ahead, intent on avoiding you it seemed. His apology was complete and total shit, his reasoning even worse. But Beomgyu was quite shit at most things. So were you. — Your gaze lingers on his pink nose, bitten by the cold. Your own nose stings too, for the both of you had been out here far too long.

In the pale winter air it became clear. Beomgyu was lonely, just as lonely as you. The slump of his shoulders and the defeated look on his face surely matched your own. You imagine how the two of you must look from afar. It would have to be quite a pitiful sight. How could one be lonely in the presence of someone else? Only two jackasses must manage something like that.

But you didn’t want to be a jackass anymore, and neither did he. — So you shift on the bench, ignoring the squeaking noise it makes as you turn to Beomgyu. “Do you want to watch a movie?”

⸝⸝

It’s awkward at first.

The soft rustle of bed sheets, the untouched bowl of popcorn between you, the flimmer coming from the Tv screen as a cheesy romcom movie plays. Beomgyu, who was usually more than at home in your dorm, was now stiffly sitting on his side of the bed, his back straight as he pressed against the headboard. He appeared almost nervous.

You weren’t faring much better, in fact your hands were dripping sweat as they remained tightly clasped together. Neither of you had touched the large bowl of popcorn, and they had long since gone cold. — Despite the freezing temperatures outside, your small dormitory seemed to be burning up.

None of you had said a word since the movie began playing, and before that you had been communicating with fast and hushed murmurs as you avoided each other’s gaze. — Never had you imagined that you would be spending Christmas with Beomgyu, much less on the small and squeaking bed in your dorm.

Did this mean that things were starting to look up between the two of you?

Your heart practically leaps to your throat when you feel him shift on the mattress. Everytime he moved, even if it was just a mere centimeter, you tensed up. But the dramatic beating of your fluttering heart was only increased when he suddenly appeared even closer to you. His body feels warm, scorching hot inside the already airless room.

He doesn’t say anything, and when you steal a glance his way, you find him watching the Tv. His expression would be relaxed if it weren't for the subtle twitch of his jaw when he felt your eyes on him. — Your attention drops to his hands, they were placed on the bed either side of him, his fingers moving absentmindedly against the sheets as he fiddled with them.

Your lips pulled into a small smile, and oh how you had missed smiling.

Beomgyu frowns when you suddenly climb off the bed, leaving behind an empty spot that radiates your sweet scent. He looked as though he was about to say something, one of his hands reaching out before stopping himself again. — He watches as you reach for the same bag you’d been clutching so tightly out on the bench, the one that had been completely disregarded in the end.

You clear your throat, standing awkwardly by the edge of the bed as you hold it in two hands. “I…” Your throat feels parched and your lips dry as your tongue wets them, “I want you to have this.” You reach the bag out toward him and Beomgyu's frown only deepens. — “But it’s yours..” He murmurs as his eyes flit between you and the bag in your hands.

“I want you to have it. — Besides”, you shrug, “You’re not the only one who’s been an idiot here.”

His brow raises at your words, a small grin tugging at his lips as he gratefully accepts the token of an apology from you. You take the moment of him peering inside the bag to retake your position next to him on the mattress. Eagerly you watch as his frown deepens, only for it to ease up as he realizes what he was looking at.

“This is..” He begins, one of his hands reaching into the bag as he pulls out the small bracelet. Beomgyu’s jaw slacks as he turns the cool and brown leather in his fingers, thumb caressing the warm and red embroidery. “You…” He cuts himself off, whether that was because he did not know what to say next or did not dare to.

Your gaze flickers to the small box placed on your bedside table, perhaps you weren’t complete jackasses after all.

“Why did you…” He swallows, and though he never finished his sentence, the question swirling within his eyes was obvious. — You shrug, nibbling on your bottom lip as you regard the bracelet in his hand. “It just… felt right.”

There was no other way to explain it. For as you had trudged forward on tired feet, with heavy and droopy eyes, you had stumbled upon the very thing that had haunted you for so long.

It has been a small stand, hardly making itself known amongst its competitors. The handmade jewelry however, immediately caught your eye. You recognized the leather, eyes widening even further as they caught glimpse of the warm red braided into it.

Your stomach had dropped, just the way it would on a rollercoaster before its drop. That was undoubtedly the very same bracelet he’d worn, the one that had wrapped around his wrist so delicately, a constant reminder of what you had once lost.

“That one,” You had said as you pointed to the accessory. Why? Because it felt right. Words would never even come close to describing the pull you felt, the immense need to have it. — But now, as you watch it lay in Beomgyu’s open palm, his lips parted as he regards the very bracelet, you understand perfectly.

Things were exactly how they were supposed to be.

Beomgyu’s hand suddenly drops, and he twists in his seat as he turns to you. The touch of his fingers against your cheek makes your eyes widen, the subtle reaction not passing him by unnoticed as a sly grin pulls across his lips. “What are you doing?” Your brows knit together, the soft confusion on your face only amusing him further.

⸝⸝

The agonizing noise of violent video games fill the open spaced living room. Continuous shots are fired, easily drowning out the sound of the doorbell. Completely immersed in his game, Yeonjun doesn’t look up until he feels the cushion beneath him shift as somebody takes the seat next to him. He doesn’t turn his head and look, he already knows who it is.

“How did you get in?” He asks in a somewhat monotone voice, his eyes still glued to the Tv screen in front of him as he taps the controller in his hands. Beomgyu, who occupies the other half of the cough, shrugs as he spreads himself out on the soft furniture, just like he had so many times before. — As though nothing had changed.

“Your girlfriend let me in”, he simply states as he, too, tunes in on the violent game. Yeonjun on the other hand frowns, his face morphing into confusion as his thumbs slow down on the buttons. At last, the game comes to an end and he tears the headset from his ears. — “Oh, so you talk to her now?” He retorts, his tone snappy and sharp as he tosses the control onto the coffee table.

Beomgyu bites the inside of his cheek, his gaze still fixed to the ‘New Game’ flashing on the screen. “I do”, he hums, fingers absentmindedly toying with one another. Yeonjun scoffs as he throws a glance in the direction of his supposed friend. — “Any particular reason?” He queries to which Beomgyu swallows.

There’s a momenteral silence following his question as the two of them remain quietly seated on the couch. Neither of them move, the air feeling heavy yet filled with a sense of anticipation. Finally, he clears his throat as his anxious fingers come to a halt. “I’ve been acting like an asshole..” Beomgyu murmurs as he pushes a hand through his now short hair.

Yeonjun looked as though he was biting back a snarky remark, his gaze flickering between the other and his own hands. “No shit”, he mumbles under his breath, unable to hold the comment back as he sucked in a sharp breath. His gaze jumps from his hands and over to Beomgyu’s as he nervously fiddles with the seams of his jeans. He can’t help but notice the oddly familiar bracelet around his wrist.

It takes him a good minute, but soon the pieces fall into place. His lip twitches as his eyes stray by the bracelet. — “I’m sorry”, Beomgyu quietly adds. It seems apologies were becoming a new habit of his. It took Yeonjun by surprise, making his eyebrows rise on his forehead, all the while Beomgyu avoided his gaze.

“I haven’t been too good either, I suppose.” Yeonjun reluctantly admits as he gives a small shrug. Beomgyu doesn’t reply but still nods as he purses his lips. Another thick silence follows, it’s not uncomfortable, but it’s not one either of them want to linger in. Yeonjun is the first to break it when he clears his throat.

“I missed you man”, he says, his words light and filled with sincerity.

Beomgyu finally finds himself looking at his friend, his eyes widening just a fraction. “Yeah?” He asks, the ghost of a grin playing across his lips. Yeonjun scoffs as he leans further into the couch, “Yeah, yeah. Don’t let it get to your head.” But it’s already too late, for Beomgyu was smirking as he leaned over to grab the discarded controller.

“Wouldn’t dream of it”, he drawls as he presses ‘New Game’.

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urdreamydoodles · 1 day ago

Text

THE WILD & THE SOFT — A Logan Howlett One Shot

Pairing: Logan Howlett (comics) x Fem!Reader

Description: How your relationship with Logan begins and evolves.

Theme: Pure fluff and comfort

Words: 2330

You were never afraid of wild things.

Perhaps that was why you came here, to Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters, where wild things walked the halls in the shape of children, in the shape of warriors, in the shape of men who did not know how to be gentle.

Perhaps that was why you never feared Logan.

—

From the first day, the school accepted you like the missing piece of a puzzle. The children adored you—your warmth, your wit, the way you spoke to them like they mattered. You were their teacher, but more than that, you were their listener, their protector, their friend.

Even the X-Men—those who fought in shadows and carried their burdens like armor—could not help but like you.

But Logan?

Logan watched.

Not like the others. Not with admiration or curiosity or anything so simple. No—he watched like a wolf circling a fire, wary of getting burned.

He watched you with something sharp, something unreadable in his dark eyes, as if he were waiting for you to be something other than what you seemed.

Maybe he didn’t trust softness.

Maybe he had been burned before.

But you? You had never been afraid of wild things.

—

It started in small ways.

The first time you met him, he had been leaning against the doorframe of Charles’ office, arms crossed, looking like a man who wanted to be anywhere else.

“Logan,” Charles had introduced him, tone dry but amused, “I believe you two will be seeing a lot of each other.”

You had smiled at him then—just smiled, the way you did with the children, the way you did with everyone. Not cautious, not guarded, not expecting anything in return.

Logan had narrowed his eyes like you were some kind of puzzle he didn’t have time to figure out.

That should have been the end of it.

But then there was the time you had caught him in the kitchen at two in the morning, drinking whiskey straight from the bottle.

“Isn’t it a little early to be brooding?” you had teased, stealing a slice of apple from the counter.

He had grunted in response.

“You know, most people actually use a glass for that.”

He had given you a look that was half exasperation, half amusement. “Most people ain't me, sweetheart.”

You had only smiled, biting into the apple. “I know.”

And then there was the time a training session had left him bleeding—nothing serious, but enough that you had frowned when he walked past your classroom, fresh claw marks on his arms.

You had stepped into his path, arms crossed. “Logan.”

He had barely paused, voice gruff. “What?”

You had reached out, tracing your fingers lightly over the already-healing wounds. “Do you ever take care of yourself, or do you just let your body do all the work?”

He had stilled under your touch, not used to hands that meant no harm.

You had felt the tension in him, the restraint, the way he was always ready for something to go wrong.

You had smiled, slow and knowing. “Let me guess—no one ever fusses over you, huh?”

He had scoffed. “I don’t need fussin’ over.”

You had only hummed, eyes twinkling. “That’s what people say right before they realize they kinda like it.”

And then you had walked away, leaving him standing there, scowling after you.

—

He was drawn to you, though he wouldn’t admit it.

It wasn’t just the teasing, the laughter, the way you pushed at him without pushing too hard.

It was the light you carried.

It was the way you made people feel safe. The way you made this place feel like a home instead of just another battlefield.

He watched you with the kids, saw the way they flocked to you, the way you always had a gentle word, a patient smile, a hand on a shoulder to remind them they weren’t alone.

He watched you with the X-Men, how even the hardest among them softened in your presence, how you made Scott chuckle when no one else could, how you knew when to leave Ororo alone and when to pull her into conversation, how you treated Jean like she wasn’t just power wrapped in skin but a person first and foremost.

And he watched how you treated him.

Like he wasn’t something to be wary of. Like he wasn’t just a weapon, wasn’t just sharp edges and violence.

You treated him like a man.

Like he was worth something.

—

And then, one day, he overheard you speaking about him.

It had been an accident—he hadn’t meant to listen. He had just been passing by a classroom, the door slightly open, when he heard Jean’s voice.

“…he’s complicated,” she was saying.

And then—your voice.

“Complicated isn’t bad.”

Logan had paused, instinct keeping him still.

Jean sighed. “I just mean… he’s not easy to get close to.”

You had laughed, a soft, knowing sound. “Jean, I grew up around people who built walls higher than their own heads. You know what I learned?”

Jean hummed. “What?”

“That the people who build the highest walls are usually the ones who want someone to climb them the most.”

Logan had felt something tighten in his chest.

Jean had been quiet for a moment. “You really think that about him?”

And then you had said the thing that unraveled him completely.

“Logan isn’t just claws and growls and bad tempers. He’s got a heart in there, even if he doesn’t like showing it. He protects people. He cares. He just doesn’t think he deserves anyone caring about him back.”

Logan had gritted his teeth, exhaling through his nose.

And then, softer—softer than anything—your voice, warm as sunlight.

“But I care about him anyway.”

—

He found you later that day.

It was after classes, after the halls had emptied, after the sun had started dipping toward the horizon.

He found you in the library, tucked into a chair, a book resting open in your lap.

You looked up when he walked in, smiling like you always did. “Hey, stranger.”

He didn’t answer. Just walked up, stopping a foot away. Looking at you like he was trying to figure something out.

You tilted your head. “You okay?”

He exhaled sharply, then—before he could second-guess it—he reached out, brushing his fingers over your hand. A small touch, but a deliberate one.

You blinked at him, surprised. But then you smiled, slower this time.

Softer.

He swallowed, voice rough. “You really mean all that?”

You didn’t pretend not to know what he was talking about.

You just nodded. “Yeah, Logan. I do.”

He looked at you for a long moment.

Then, gruffly—awkwardly—he muttered, “Guess I’ll have to get used to that, huh?”

Your smile widened. “Guess so.”

And when he sat down beside you, closer than he had ever allowed himself to sit before, you didn’t say anything.

You just let him.

Because you had never been afraid of wild things.

And, somehow, he wasn’t afraid of your light.

—

Logan wasn’t used to tenderness.

He had known heat, sure—fast, reckless, mindless. The kind that burned bright and burned out just as fast. He had known touch, but not the kind that lingered, not the kind that meant something.

And you—God, you were nothing but meaning.

—

It started slow.

Neither of you named what was happening, neither of you talked about it, but something shifted that day in the library when he sat beside you and let himself stay.

After that, he found himself seeking you out more than he wanted to admit.

It was small things at first—passing by your classroom more often than he needed to, finding himself in the kitchen at the same time as you, showing up at your door under the pretense of asking something unimportant.

And you let him.

You never called him out on it, never pushed, never asked him to be anything other than what he was.

You just let him orbit you, like he was some untamed thing slowly finding his way closer.

—

The first time you touched him without thinking, something inside him nearly broke.

It was in the courtyard, late afternoon, the students long gone to their dorms. You had been sitting on the steps, the sun slanting golden over the grass, laughing at something he said.

And then—without hesitation, without thought—you reached out and smoothed a hand over his arm.

It wasn’t much. Just a touch. Just a brush of warmth over his skin.

But Logan had gone still.

Because he realized—then and there—that he couldn’t remember the last time someone had touched him like that. Not because they wanted something. Not because they feared him.

Just because they wanted to.

You didn’t even seem to notice what you had done, didn’t seem to realize that something inside him had gone very, very quiet.

But after that, it kept happening.

You touched him more often, casually, naturally—your hand against his arm when you teased him, your fingers brushing his wrist when you laughed, your knee knocking against his under a table.

And Logan—Logan let you.

Because, against all odds, against all instinct, he didn’t want you to stop.

—

The first time he thought about kissing you, it terrified him.

It was nighttime, and you were outside, standing at the edge of the mansion grounds, looking up at the stars.

He had found you without meaning to, his body drawn to yours the way it always seemed to be.

You had turned when you heard his steps, smiling.

“Couldn’t sleep?” you asked.

He had only shrugged, stepping closer.

You tilted your head at him, something knowing in your eyes. “You thinking too hard again?”

Logan had scoffed, shaking his head. “Darlin’, I don’t think you’ve ever met a man who thinks less than me.”

You had laughed, soft and warm. “You think more than you let on, Logan.”

And then you had reached out—like it was nothing, like it was natural—and brushed a piece of hair from his face.

That was the moment.

That was the moment he felt it hit him like a blow to the ribs—the want, the need, the thing he had been holding back ever since you first smiled at him.

Because you weren’t just kind. You weren’t just soft.

You weren’t just teasing words and warm hands and understanding smiles.

You were you.

And Logan—God help him—wanted you more than he had ever wanted anything.

—

He kissed you two weeks later.

Not because he had planned to, not because he had finally decided it was time.

But because he couldn’t not kiss you anymore.

It had been after a mission.

You hadn’t been in the field, but you had been waiting when they returned, helping with injuries, checking on everyone.

Logan had been the last to come inside, his knuckles bloody, his jaw tight.

You had found him in the hall, eyes immediately scanning him for wounds.

“You okay?”

He had grunted, rolling his shoulder. “Nothing that won’t heal.”

But you had frowned, reaching for his hand, your fingers tracing over his scraped knuckles.

And that was it.

That was all it took.

The moment your fingers wrapped around his, the moment you looked up at him with that quiet concern—something inside him snapped.

He had kissed you without warning, without hesitation.

One moment, he was standing there, aching in ways he didn’t know how to name.

The next, his mouth was on yours, his hands gripping your waist, pulling you close like he needed you to keep him standing.

You made a small sound of surprise against his lips—but then you melted.

You kissed him back like you had been waiting.

Like you had known.

And Logan—who had spent his whole life surviving—felt, for the first time, like he had found something worth living for.

—

Being with you was new.

Logan had been with women before. That wasn’t the new part.

The new part was this.

The way you laughed against his mouth when he kissed you. The way you stole food from his plate without asking. The way you curled against him on the couch, like it was the most natural thing in the world.

The way you made him feel like he wasn’t just a fighter, wasn’t just a weapon, wasn’t just something sharp waiting to cut.

The way you made him feel human.

And God—he hadn’t realized how much he needed that.

—

He wasn’t perfect.

He could be gruff, stubborn, difficult.

Sometimes, he pulled away when he didn’t mean to.

Sometimes, the past got too close, the memories got too loud, and he needed space.

But you understood.

You didn’t push. You didn’t demand more than he could give.

You just waited.

And when he came back—when he found you again—you were there.

Always there.

Like the stars, like the sun, like something steady and endless.

—

One night, months later, he found you in the same spot where he had first wanted to kiss you—outside, beneath the stars, looking up like they held answers.

He had stepped up beside you, silent, solid, familiar.

You had smiled. “You always find me out here.”

Logan had smirked, voice low. “Guess I’m gettin’ good at it.”

You had turned, looking at him fully.

And then—soft, certain—you had reached up and cupped his face in your hands.

Logan had gone still.

Because, even now, after everything, he still wasn’t used to this.

To being held.

To being wanted.

But you only smiled, stroking your thumb over his cheek.

“I love you, Logan.”

And Logan—who had spent lifetimes losing things, breaking things, ruining things—looked at you and finally, finally let himself believe.

He exhaled, voice rough, hands curling around your waist.

“I love you too, darlin’.”

And when he kissed you that time, it wasn’t because he couldn’t not kiss you.

It was because he wanted to.

Because you were his, and he was yours, and for once in his life—

Logan was exactly where he was meant to be.

#logan howlett #logan howlett x reader #logan howlett headcanons #logan howlett imagines #logan howlett one shot #wolverine #wolverine x reader #wolverine headcanons #wolverine one shot #x men x reader #x men comics #marvel x reader #marvel headcanons #marvel comics

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rottingworship · 1 day ago

Text

Beg and Bargain

The Proxies X Fem!Reader | Chapter Nine

[Masterlist]

Summary: Toby helps you back to the cabin, and you are too caught up to let him go. Sadly, you do not get to hold onto him forever.

Warnings: 18+!, smut, unhealthy relationship dynamics, toby tries to get you to make him fuck you (you do not), PiV, begging, gun violence, mind control, murder, mentions of blood, not beta read (please let me know if i forgot anything, a lot happens this chapter!)

Word Count: 4.1k

A/N: HELLO! HAPPY NEW YEAR! It's been three months... I hope you are all well. I'm losing my mind, but I love Creepypasta so here we are. I've crawled out of my hole but idk for how long. Hope you like this one <3 the next one has more Kate!! dividers by cafekitsune

Toby’s hand is on the small of your back. You are tense. He seems to be as close to you as he can possibly get. You are barely breathing, facing forward, not even daring to look towards him, and you are tense.

Toby knows. He is growing tired of keeping quiet. “I c-could warm you up an-another way?” He laughs and you freeze. You stop walking and look at him. “Wh-what?”

“Let's get back to the cabin.” You begin to walk again. Toby’s hand goes to your back again.

“Kate sa-said you were having w-wet dreams. About, about us.” He states it. You almost freeze again. You do not respond. Tony groans, forcing you to stop. “You-you were having one this morning.”

He makes you face him and look at the ground. You are freezing. As you stand still you remember just how cold it is. Your mind is running faster than your body can keep up with. “So what?” Your bottom teeth chatter.

“S-s-so what?” He laughs. He steps forward, causing you to step back. You bump into a tree, and he has you cornered. “You a-are so sexually fr-frustrated! It's obvious!”

“And you aren't!?” You snap back at him. He blocks you in. You are caged now. “I hear you, you know?” You want to cross your arms and roll your eyes at him. There is not enough space, and you are sure Toby would make a remark you do not want to hear. So, you stay still and quiet.

“I know. I-I’m not trying to stay silent.” He smirks at you. “I saw, saw how you l-looked at me earlier.”

Yeah, I saw your dick print. You think to yourself. You do roll your eyes this time. Toby is quick to grab your face. He does not hold it as tightly as he had earlier though. You swallow hard and look at him with wide eyes. He's giving you that lustful look again. You are not sure how you would react if you were actually warm.

“Can we go home?” Your voice is strained, barely a whisper. “I'm freezing.”

“I n-need you to answer so-something first.” You nod. “Wh-what was happening in your dream?” He cocks his head and seems so much closer now. You can feel the heat coming off of him. Your cheeks heat up, you are on fire and so cold at the same time. You do not answer. A heavy silence lingers. “For-forget it.”

Toby grabs your hand and pulls you from the tree. You are being pulled behind him back to his cabin. Something registers and you speak up.

“You were fucking me.”

It is Toby's turn to freeze. His grip on your hand loosens before tightening. He wants you to indulge. He needs you to. “What else?” He sounds desperate. “Wh-what was-”

“I was face down, on a bed… we were sticky and I couldn't think straight.” Your eyes squeeze shut, the dream coming back to you. “You were behind me-”

“Wh-why are you telling me now?” He asks, genuinely curious. You shrug. “You-you’re all hot again. Even in th-this weather…” His eyes roam up and down your body. He is going mad looking at you in your state; disheveled and nervous and obviously turned on.

“Toby-?” You look around, and lock eyes with Toby again. “Do they know you found me?” He shakes his head. No. You suck in air and pray to whatever is listening that you are not making the wrong choice. As if you have not been making the wrong choice pretty consistently recently. “If we get back to the house, and they aren't there, I'll let you-”

He begins to pull you towards the cabin. You do not finish your sentence. He needs to get there before they do. He has to. Toby has been sent into a frenzy. The cabin comes into your line of sight, and no one seems to be around. You stumble up the porch, his bruising grip not loosening in the slightest. He pulls you into the house and you look for any signs of people. Toby does not. He drags you towards his room and swings the door open.

You are pulled inside, and the door is shut and locked. Your back is pressed to the wood, your breathing is quick, and your chest is rising and falling rapidly. “You didn't let me, didn't let me finish my sentence-” You heave.

“No time.” Toby shakes his head. He wants to touch you. He is thinking about what to do first.

You watch him closely. He is thinking so hard. He swallows hard, his Adam's apple bobbing. You examine him closely. You realize how attractive he is now that he is not being so mean or trying to kill you. But the bandage on his face… “Toby?” You look at him. His hands flex and relax a few times. “What's under this bandage?” Your hand instinctively goes towards it. He grabs your wrist. His grip is not as tight as it was earlier, but it is getting there.

He stares you down. Your eyes do not move from him. He is examining you. Closely. Thinking hard. You realize you are still shivering, shaking in his grasp.

“Don't worry,” your teeth chatter. “I'm not gonna judge you…” You gently pull away from him, but he does not let you go.

“You're fr-freezing.” He finally lets your wrist go. The way he is staring at you has your stomach turning. You cannot tell if it is from fear or attraction. Probably both. You nod at him. You are very cold. “I ca-can help wi-with that.”

You nod. Toby does not need much more of an answer. He is somehow closer now than ever. His lips are ghosting over yours. You are burning again. You crave touch. You need him to fuck you. “Kiss me, please…” Toby does not hesitate. His hands grip your hips, and his lips press to yours. You kiss back, more eager than you could have ever imagined and you gently cup his cheeks.

“So s-so-soft,” Toby mumbles against your lips. You smile into the kiss and Toby seems to be sent into a deeper frenzy. His grip suddenly tightens, and your back is pressed hard against the door. And, in an instant, you are being picked up. He easily grabs you and walks you over to his large bed. He throws you onto it and you are momentarily stunned. You swallow hard and look up at Toby once the room seems to stop spinning.

Toby watches you, eyes dark and breathing heavy. He is thinking about everything he wants to do. Everything he has time to do. “Toby,” you whine, “come on, they'll be back soon and- and I need you.”

“Ne-nee-need me to wh-what?” He stutters and twitches a little more than usual now. He is excited. Your heart is in your throat at his tone.

“I need you to fuck me.” You are not sure where the courage has come from, the words seem to come out on their own.

That is all Toby needs to hear. He is standing at the end of the bed, looking as if he is about to go insane. He begins to take off his shirt. He rips it from his body and tosses it across the room. He kicks his boots off without struggle, his pants coming off soon after. He is left in just his underwear. You are shivering on Toby’s bed and praying he touches you soon. And then it happens.

He pounces.

Toby is on you in seconds. As he hits the bed, you bounce up and slam into him. You instinctively grab him and let out a yelp. His mouth pushes against your ear. “L-Let’s get yuh-you out of these cl-cl-clothes.” You nod. It is all you can do. You hold onto him tightly as his hand travels towards the hem of your shirt. He swiftly pulls it up and you shimmy out of it. Toby’s hands then move for your bra. He grabs the clasp and struggles briefly. You are quick to help him.

You throw your bra away and pull Toby into a kiss. He thanks you for the help by grabbing one of your breasts, and he pinches your nipple. Hard. You let out a whimper and arch your back causing you to press into Toby. He smiles against your lips. He massages one of your breasts and moves from kissing your lips to your jaw. He travels down to your throat and begins to suck. He nips and bites at the sensitive skin, leaving you moaning out for him. Your nails drag up his back as you gasp. In return, Toby grinds against you. You can feel just how hard he is.

“Fuh-feel that?” He asks. You cannot answer. You are in no position to answer. “Y-you are doing th-this to me.” His teeth scrape your neck, and you are barely hanging on.

“Please!” You have resorted to begging already. “I want-” Your head is spinning. “Need to feel you.”

Toby laughs. He laughs against your skin. “I-I promise. We’ll guh-get there.” You nod and your eyes screw shut. Toby’s mouth begins to move from your neck and down to your chest. His mouth stops on your other breast and is licking and sucking on your nipple, while his fingers pinch and roll your other one. You are squirming against him. You are not as cold now, but you want to be warmer.

Toby’s hand slides down your chest and past your stomach, right to the waistband of your shorts. His hand pushes past the elastic band and he starts to rub you over your panties. Your hips instinctively roll into his hand. Toby smiles as he catches your nipple between his teeth. His eyes flick up to you. He wants this forever; you under him; just begging for his touch. Begging for some sort of release.

“Toby!” You let out a strained moan. You are stuck. You cannot think of any words. Nothing is coming to mind, and you are left a babbling mess. “Please-”

“Ma-make me.” You freeze. Your eyes cut to Toby, whose hand is down your pants, but he has stopped touching you the way you want. “Make- Make me tuh-touch you.”

Your eyes are popping out of your head. “No!” You grab his shoulders. “Toby, no.” You shake your head. “I will beg all day, but I’m not making you fuck me!” You shift under him.

Toby shrugs. It seems to have been worth a shot. “O-Okay.” He nods back. “Th-Then beg.”

You relax slightly. At least he is not making mind control him. “Toby, please, I’m begging you to do something- Touch me, fuck me. Something!” He smirks at you but does not move. “Fuck! I’ve never wanted something more,” You roll your hips up again and try to get some sort of pleasure, “please, just- I need you so badly.” Toby’s fingers begin to slip past your panties. “Take them off.” You whisper, pleading. “Please, just take them off!”

Toby smiles widely at you. His eyes are dark. He looks terrifying. It is making you even more horny. He rips your shorts down your legs, your panties going with them. You sigh as Toby’s fingers push past your folds. You relax onto his bed.

“Was-Wasn’t so hard, no-now was i-it?” He is smug.

You do not have the capability at that moment to roll your eyes. Instead, you shake your head. You mumble a ‘no’ and hope he picks up his pace and fucks you soon. His thumb circles your clit and your eyes roll back. A finger slips into you, followed by one more. His fingers pump in and out of you. You lay there mumbling ‘thank you's and his name over and over. But before you know it, his fingers pull away from you and you are pleading again for him to touch you. He does not oblige this time.

“As-As much as I-I wanna taste you…” He sucks his fingers, “I wan-want to fu-fuck you more.”

Toby maneuvers out of his underwear and positions himself at your entrance. The front door slams and Toby smiles. He knows what he is doing. You do not register the door; all you can think about is the dick you are about to get.

Toby slips into you, and you let out a loud moan. Your nails dig into his back and your legs wrap around him. Toby holds himself above you and gives little encouragements in your ear to be loud for him. It is his turn to beg, but for different reasons. He sounds so nice, asking you to beg for him so loudly, you just have to listen to him.

“Toby!” You did not mean to be so loud. “Fuck! Right there!” Your eyes open and you look up at him. One of your hands slides up his back and to his head. You push his head down and lean up slightly, touching your forehead to his. Toby places a kiss on your lips as his hand grips your ass. You gasp loudly.

“Open this fucking door!” Kate starts to yell. The doorknob jiggles. “I hear her in there!” She is screaming. “I know you’re fucking her!” Her frustrations fuel Toby.

“Fu-Fuck off!” Toby’s pace quickens. You whimper against him. Every single time his hips pull back from yours you cannot help but to chase him. You need release. “I-Ignore her.” Toby nuzzles into your neck, his hair tickling you.

A wail comes from the other side of the door and Kate’s fist slams into the wood. Footsteps stomp away from the door.

You try not to think too hard about that. You focus on the white-hot fire building up in your stomach. Your hand falls from Toby’s back and moves towards your clit. You begin to rub circles against it and are getting closer to release. Toby’s hand smacks yours away and he begins to do that for you. He is offended you did not ask, no, beg him to do that.

Your toes begin to curl and every muscle in your body is tensing. “I’m close,” Your voice is strained. “Please- I wanna cum.”

Toby does not respond verbally. Instead, his pace quickens again. Becoming sloppy. The sound of skin against skin echoes through his room and you are left gripping him like your life depends on it. You tighten around Toby, and he hisses.

“Fuck!” He drags the word out. “Do th-that again.” He demands. You listen. Ecstasy finally hits, you are seeing stars, and you are heaving against him. “Wh-Where?” He asks, fervently.

“Stomach.” You watch as Toby pulls out and pumps his cock a couple times. He cums on your stomach. Toby falls beside you and lies on his side. You are stuck staring at the ceiling, suddenly realizing what choices you have made. Now is not the time, you think. You look over at Toby and notice his bandage is gone. It must have fallen off. Without thinking, you reach for the scarred part of his mouth. Your hand is stopped again. More harshly this time. His grip on your wrist causes it to go limp. You pout at him. “You just fucked me, and yet I’m still not allowed to admire you?” You ask.

Toby rolls his eyes. “No.” You shake your head and pull back from him. He releases you. You sit up and Toby watches you. You spot a bathroom across his room and your head tilts. “Wh-what?”

You point to his bathroom. “You have a bathroom in here.”

“S-So?” It is not clicking.

“Toby!” You refrain from pushing him off the bed. “You could have come in here and used this bathroom all those times you rushed me in the other one!”

He shrugs. “I li-like to fuck w-with you.”

“Whatever.” You begin to scoot off his bed. “I’m going to clean up.”

Toby groans and sits up; his legs swing over, and his feet hit the floor. He follows behind you to his bathroom and you hit the light. You turn around and Toby just stands there.

“I have to pee, and that’s going to be kind of hard with you standing there so menacingly.”

Toby scoffs. He motions for you to go ahead, and you huff. You pee. “St-stay in he-here with me.” Your head snaps towards him as you stand up. “I mean, T-Tim just ga-gave you some head. I-I could do that.” He shrugs.

“You think I’m staying in his room for that?”

Before Toby can answer another knock comes from his door. You both look towards the door. You groan. You remember you have other roommates you will have to face now. As Toby walks off towards the door you clean up as quickly as possible. You want nothing more than to lay back down and go to sleep, but you have a feeling that is not happening anytime soon. You hear Toby talking to Tim and Brian through his door. They are whispering. You poke your head back into the room and look at Toby.

“You might want to get dressed!” Brian yells. You catch some annoyance in his tone. You pout at Toby. You mouth a ‘why’ at Toby and put your hands up in confusion. He begins to walk towards you. “We-We’re going o-out.” Your eyes widen. “All of u-us.”

Kate is beyond agitated. She is in the passenger seat, leaving you between Toby and Hoodie. Masky is driving, quite fast. Toby has his hand on your thigh and will not let you go. You swallow hard and as you are looking straight ahead you feel Hoodie’s eyes on you. You really do try to ignore it.

“Do-don’t worry.” Toby whispers, but you know he is still being loud enough for the others to hear, “I wo-won’t let anything h-hurt you.” You turn to look at him and notice the shit eating grin on his face. Your nostrils flare.

“You’re only saying that because you fucked her.” Kate growls.

Heat prickles across your face and you tense. Toby pats your thigh and pulls you closer to him. Somehow. You are sure you cannot get any closer to him. You are already almost in his lap. You would prefer to stay out of his lap while Masky is driving so fast.

“Where are we going?” You look between Masky and Kate. Your jaw clenches when only silence fills the car. You blow air out and sigh. Whatever. You sit in silence the rest of the ride.

You pull up to a field the car stops. Everyone gets out. Toby practically pulls you from the car. He stays close by your side, his hand on the small of your back. Oh, he’s about to be insufferable. You let it go. You are a little too frightened by your surroundings to tell him to back up. It is almost comforting. And, once you get to the middle of the field, you need comfort.

There is blood everywhere. A body is lying in the middle of the opening. You think you are going to puke. You look between everyone and back at the dead body. It is fresh. You look away. The thought of hiding in Toby’s chest crosses your mind but you figure that would make you look worse.

“I thought Ethan would be here!” Kate growls, turning towards Toby.

Ethan? You really are going to puke. Oh no. You swallow hard and try to push that feeling down. You examine the body and realize it looks a lot like the way John had died. Ethan was here. You tense. “This was Ethan.” You look at the group. “He’s trying to-” You shut your eyes tight. “He’s trying to prove what happened to John was not John’s doing.”

Kate tilts her head at you. You watch her. She takes a step closer to you. “Maybe you aren’t so dumb after all.” She snarls it out at you. Her mask makes her so much scarier. “He’s still around here. Has to be…” She looks around. While she goes to walk off, a flashlight shines at all of you. Fuck. You whip around and see two officers. Kate turns too. Masky and Hoodie look like they are ready to murder.

“Wait.” You whisper. They do not want to listen. You have to take matters into your own hands. “Wait.” They all freeze.

“Put your hands up!” One of the cop's yells at you. You follow his orders, and whisper the order to the others, so that they will follow it too.

“We don’t want any trouble!” You reassure the cops. “We were out here, walking around-” Your nose starts to bleed. Your eyes shut tight; your head begins to pound. The flashlight is not helping. “We found him like that.”

“Sure.” The other cop scoffs. “You five freaks found him like this.” Freaks. You think about dropping the mental hold on the others, but you do not. You cannot risk him calling for backup. “Get on the ground.”

You drop to your knees. And then you feel it. Your nose is almost gushing at this point, your head is fuzzy, but you cannot let go. On your knees, the thought is demanding. With your eyes still closed, you hear the four of them drop on their knees. You want to sob; everything is starting to spin. Your eyes snap open and your pupils are blown wide. Your eyes are black. Pitch black. The cops notice this.

“What the fuck!?”

Uh oh. You have to handle this now.

“Call for backup.”

“No!” You shout it. Aggressive and assertive. They stop dead in their tracks, one has a hand on his radio, the other has a hand on his gun. “Do not call for backup.” You have to stay alert. You are holding onto more people than you have ever held onto before. You cannot risk slipping, not now. You need to figure out how to get them off of you without alerting them further. The last few times you had to think so quickly it did not end well. You are not hopeful with the outcome of this situation either.

You slip momentarily. You feel yourself letting one of the cops go and within seconds you are on the ground. His hands are on you. You are face down in the dirt, hands behind your back. You have the upper hand again. You shut your eyes tight, mentally holding onto every single person around you. You inhale sharply and think fast. Too fast.

Shoot him. The cop on top of you does not falter. He pulls his gun out and you keep the other one from moving. The gun goes off. Put the gun in your mouth. You are shaking. You are losing control. Pull the trigger. He does. You hear the bang from above you and your ears are ringing. He slumps off of you and onto the dirt beside you. You quickly release the group from your grasp and lie just as limp as the cop beside you. You are breathing heavier than ever, and you can barely move.

“Are you in-fucking-sane!?” Kate is gritting her teeth. She’s up before Toby, leaving her dragging you out of the dirt. She stands you up and you realize just how hard it is to stand. You realize how strong she is.

You smile at her. Genuinely smile; blood covering your teeth. “I’m so fucking smart.” You whisper at her. She lets out a low, primal growl. She does not release you, she knows you will fall, and you already look rough enough. No need to slam your head into the dirt.

Toby, Masky, and Hoodie stand up. They rush to you. “We-We have to g-go!” Toby yells. Masky grabs you from Kate and begins to run towards the car. You are trying so hard to stay conscious. The ringing in your ears is gone, but your head is spinning, and it feels like your brain is going to melt out of your ears.

Masky shoves you into the car and Hoodie and Toby crawl in too. Kate and Masky get up front and Masky takes off, headed in the opposite direction of the cabin. You can barely think straight, you have no power to ask where you are headed. You lean your head on Hoodie’s shoulder and look up at him, half lidded eyes staring straight at his mask. You grin at him.

“Sorry,” You apologize. “I’m gettin’ blood… on…” You trail off. Your eyes shut and are unable to keep talking. You are unable to stay awake any longer. You feel Toby grab your shoulder and yell something at you before you pass out.

#creepypasta smut #creepypasta #creepypasta x reader #marble hornets x reader #marble hornets #mh masky #mh hoodie #ticci toby #brian thomas x reader #tim wright x reader #brian thomas #tim wright #toby rogers x reader #tobias rogers #x reader

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neospade · 2 days ago

Text

FOR HER, ALWAYS

pairing- Knight!Portgas D.Ace x Knightness!Reader word count- 8k genre- angst with a little bit of fluff. synopsis- A knight’s duty is to protect, to serve, to fight without question. She has done so, standing at his side through war and bloodshed, her heart a silent casualty of devotion. But his heart has never been hers to hold. note- I hope this doesn't come off cringe to y'all;-; warnings- smut scene mentioned.

Inside the king’s palace, the air is warm with the smell of candles, spiced wine, and polished wood. The great hall is big and bright, with high wooden beams and stone walls covered in colorful tapestries. These tapestries show old battles and the symbols of the royal family. There is the sound of soft music from a bard playing the lute, mixed with the voices of nobles talking and laughing. At the end of the hall, the king sits on his great golden throne, wearing a red robe and a shining crown. His advisors and knights stand close, speaking in low voices about important matters.

You stand among the other knights, your armor cool and solid against your skin. The sound of conversation and the flicker of torchlight fill the great hall, but you remain focused. The weight of your sword at your side feels steady, familiar, as does the silence between you and the other knights. You’re used to the tension before a command, the anticipation of what’s to come. Yet, there is something missing. More like, someone missing. He was there, just not by your side.

Ace.

Growing up alongside Ace, your childhood was far from ordinary. The days were filled with training, lessons in swordplay, and the constant hum of preparation for the future. You both learned early on that survival meant being strong, both in mind and body.

The mornings began with the harsh clang of swords as weapons were forged in the blacksmith’s shop, the air thick with the smell of iron and fire. You would often race to the training grounds, where Ace was already waiting, his eyes focused, ready for the day’s drills.

“You’re late” he would say with a stern look. “Better late than never they say” you say, handing him his own bamboo stick. The sound of the sticks clashing, the thud of sparring bodies hitting the dirt—it became the rhythm of your youth.

You and Ace were rivals in the best sense of the word, constantly pushing each other to improve. There were no soft lessons here—every mistake was an opportunity to get better. Ace, ever the strategist, would always find a way to outmaneuver you, but you didn’t mind. You knew it was a game you both played to become what you two always dreamt of. Knights.

"Focus," he would say, his voice steady despite the intensity of the sparring. "You're too slow." You tightened your grip on your stick and lunged forward, but Ace easily deflected the strike, his bamboo stick knocking yours aside with practiced ease. He stepped back, giving you a moment to regroup.

"I’m trying, Ace. I—"

"No," he cut you off, his tone stern. "You’re not trying hard enough. You’re too weak." His gaze was unyielding, and the weight of his words hit you like a blow. "You need to be stronger, or you'll end up just like all the other women who stay at home, helpless, waiting for someone to protect them."

You flinched, the insult sharp against you. Ace stepped closer lowering to your eye level, his voice lowering but still filled with an edge.

"You don’t want to end up like that, do you?" he asked, his eyes piercing through you. "A filthy woman, sitting idle, depending on others to survive, being used as a baby machine. That’s not what you’re meant to be. You will be a knightness. Act like it” his words left you stunned. You clenched your jaw, gripping your sword tighter, the sting of his words fueling your resolve.

"Let’s go again now!"

---

A few years had passed since that day. You and Ace were no longer the young, inexperienced children you once were, fumbling through the basics of swordplay. At eighteen, you both stood as trained knights, yet amateurs, your bodies stronger and your skills sharper, each of you having fought and trained your way through the hardest of challenges.

You could feel Ace’s presence beside you even now, like it was back then—steady, unwavering, just as determined to be strong as you were. But there was something different now. You weren’t just learning from him anymore. You were equals.

As the years passed, the bond between you and Ace had grown stronger, shaped by countless hours of training, shared struggles, and mutual respect. But somewhere along the way, something shifted. It wasn’t just the sparring matches or the quiet moments of camaraderie that had always existed between you both—it was something deeper, something you couldn’t quite ignore.

It was there in the quiet moments, when the training ground emptied and the evening light cast long shadows, that you’d catch yourself watching him just a little longer than you intended. The way his jaw tightened when he was focused, the way his movements seemed effortless, as though battle itself was something he could control. You began to realize it wasn’t just admiration for his skill—it was something more.

You had never intended to develop feelings for him. He was your rival, your partner in training, the one who had pushed you to become strong enough to stand among knights. But now, at eighteen, those feelings you had tried to push away, to bury under the weight of your duty, refused to stay hidden any longer.

There were times when the air between you two would feel charged, thick with unsaid words. The moments when your eyes would meet, and for just a second, everything else would fade away. It was during those moments that you felt it the most—the quiet tension, the unspoken understanding, and the flicker of something more.

You tried to push it aside. After all, you were knights. Emotions like these were distractions, right? But every time you sparred, every time you fought side by side, you realized that the feelings you had for Ace weren’t going to disappear just because you ignored them. You found yourself caring more about his well-being than you ever had before, wanting to make sure he was safe, wanting to be the one he leaned on when things got hard.

Once, you had been walking through the quiet corridors of the knights training when you overheard voices drifting from a nearby room. At first, you thought nothing of it—just the usual chatter of your comrades, perhaps discussing the day’s training. But then you recognized the familiar sound of Ace’s voice, and without meaning to, you found yourself pausing, curiosity pulling you closer.

“I don’t get it,” you heard a new voice say, low and casual. It was Sabo, Ace’s younger brother. “Why did you choose to be a knight? We could have both been lawyers, you know. Easier lives, less blood.”

There was a brief pause, and then Ace’s voice followed, quiet but sure. “I chose this path so I could be close to her.”

Your heart stopped for a moment. The words echoed in your mind, over and over, as if your own thoughts couldn’t quite catch up with what you had just heard. Be close to her?

Sabo’s voice broke through your thoughts. “So, that’s it? You’re still chasing after her, huh?” Ace’s reply was quiet, but you could hear the faintest hint of something behind it—perhaps uncertainty, or something more. “I guess you could say that,” he said. “I don’t know… I’ve never really had a choice.”

Your breath caught in your chest. There it was again—the unspoken truth that had been building between you for years. You stood there for a moment, frozen in place, unsure of what to do with this newfound knowledge. Your heart was racing, and you could feel the heat rise to your face as a mixture of confusion and something else swirled inside you. You had heard it wrong, hadn’t you? Ace couldn’t possibly feel the same way about you, could he?

But then, you remembered his words, clear and certain. I chose this path so I could be close to her. Here you were, standing in the quiet hallway, heart pounding in your chest. Once again, that teenage girl with a silly little crush, caught off guard by feelings you thought you had long buried. The realization that Ace might actually feel the same way hit you like a wave, leaving you breathless and unsure of what to do with it.

---

The forest was quiet, the only sounds the soft crunch of leaves beneath your boots and the occasional rustle of branches swaying in the wind. The sunlight barely filtered through the thick canopy above, casting dappled shadows on the forest floor. You and Ace walked in sync, the tension of the day’s patrol still lingering between you. The air was cool, the scent of pine and earth grounding you in the moment.

The two of you had been patrolling the forest for hours, but your mind kept drifting back to the words you’d overheard days ago. You had tried to ignore it, tried to bury the strange flutter in your chest, but it was hard to pretend like it didn’t matter.

Ace's footsteps slowed for a moment, and you found yourself glancing at him. His profile was strong and steady, but there was something else—something unspoken. Maybe it was just the weight of the silence, or maybe it was the strange pull you had always felt between the two of you, but tonight, everything felt different.

Without turning to face you, Ace spoke, his voice breaking the quiet. "You’ve been quiet," he said, as if he’d noticed your shift in demeanor. “Everything okay?” You hesitated, unsure of how to answer.

"I’m fine," you replied, your voice steady, even though inside you could feel a nervous flutter. "Just keeping an eye out." Ace nodded, his eyes still scanning your face for any reaction.

“You know…” He trailed off, his voice carrying a hint of something you couldn’t quite place. “Out here, it’s easy to get distracted. You can lose yourself in the quiet, forget why you’re here.”

You swallowed, unsure of where this conversation was going. “I’m not distracted,” you said, trying to sound confident.

“No,” he agreed, glancing over his shoulder at you for just a moment. His expression was unreadable, but his eyes were steady. “You’re not. But some things are harder to ignore than others."

“What do you mean by that?” You asked, hoping to keep your tone casual, but the question slipped out before you could think about it. The air between you both felt charged now, as if this moment was teetering on the edge of something unspoken.

“Nothing,” he said, his voice a little too quiet. “Just... the way things are out here. It’s easy to let your guard down.” But you both knew that wasn’t what he meant. Not really. His words were layered, each one holding more weight than the last, and despite how he tried to mask it, you could sense the pull between you both, like an invisible thread keeping you connected even when you were apart. You took a breath, trying to steady yourself.

Before you could even process the shift in the air, Ace’s hand shot out, grabbing the back of your neck and taking off your helmet with a surprising intensity. His touch was hot, almost desperate, as he pulled you toward him, knocking off his own helmet and closing the distance between you in an instant. His lips crashed against yours, cutting off any thought, any hesitation.

It wasn’t slow, nor was it cautious. The kiss was fierce, raw, and filled with everything you’d both held back. His lips were demanding, urgent, as if he had been waiting for this moment as much as you had. Your breath caught in your throat as your hands instinctively found his silver shoulders, gripping him, pulling him closer.

You didn’t think about the consequences, the unspoken tension, or the uncertainty of what came next. When he finally pulled away, breathless and with his forehead resting against yours, you could see the same shock and raw emotion reflected in his eyes.

“I’ve been wanting to do that,” he said, his voice rough, like he couldn’t quite believe what had just happened.

You could barely find your own voice as you met his gaze, heart racing, still trying to catch your breath. “Me too.”

Without another word, you reached up, your hands trembling as they slid into his hair, pulling him back toward you. This time, the kiss was even deeper, more urgent, like it was a language you both understood without needing to speak. His hands moved quickly, pulling you into him, your bodies pressed close as if the distance between you could no longer exist.

The forest around you seemed to fade into the background, the cool breeze rustling the leaves above, the shadows deepening as nighthas fallen. But in that moment, everything felt alive. Every touch, every kiss, was a confession, a surrender. The years of training, the years of being beside him, all led to this.

Ace's hands slid down your back, his touch becoming more desperate, more possessive while unbuckling your armor. His lips moved from yours, trailing down to your jaw, then your neck, sending waves of heat through your body. You gasped softly, your body responding to him in ways you hadn’t expected, and yet, it felt natural, as if this was how it was always meant to be.

You met his intensity with your own, pulling him closer, your hands wandering to the straps of his armor, clumsily unbuckling them. The sound of metal scraping against metal filled the air, but neither of you paid any mind. It was a blur now, everything blending into something more primal, more real than the words you had never spoken.

When his armor finally came off, his bare skin pressed against yours, and you felt the warmth of him in every inch, every touch. He lifted you effortlessly, your legs wrapping around his waist as you were carried further from the path, deeper into the cover of the trees. You barely noticed where he was taking you, consumed by the feeling of his hands on your body, his lips on your skin.

Everything felt like it was building to something more, something that you hadn’t allowed yourself to imagine until now. His kisses were insistent, but gentle when needed, exploring the parts of you that had always been hidden, always been untouched.

When you found the small clearing, the moonlight filtering through the trees and bathing the two of you in soft silver light, you paused for only a moment. But Ace wasn’t giving you time to second-guess anything.

His lips found yours again, and this time, it was no longer about hesitation or uncertainty. It was about taking what had always been just out of reach. His hands traced the lines of your body, pulling you closer as you fell into each other once more, your world spinning with every movement.

In the quiet of the forest, with the world outside fading away, you both finally gave in to what had been inevitable all along.

After that night, things between you and Ace had changed. It wasn’t something that was obvious at first. He didn’t pull away immediately, but the distance grew over the days that followed. At first, you thought it might have just been the aftermath of everything—the confusion, the rush of emotions. You tried to dismiss the way he started to retreat, convincing yourself that it was just a natural response to something so raw.

Ace was still by your side, still your partner on patrols and training, but there was a quietness to him now—something you hadn’t noticed before. He would look at you, but his gaze wasn’t the same. During training, you caught him avoiding your gaze. He was still tough, still pushing you to be better, but there was an edge to his words, a certain coldness in his tone that wasn’t there before. It felt like he was deliberately keeping his distance, as though the intimacy of that night had made him unsure of where to place you in his life.

It was the silence between you that stung the most. The words that should have come after that night were never spoken. Instead, there was only an awkward tension, a kind of unspoken agreement that neither of you would bring it up. But the more Ace pulled away, the more you felt the weight of it pressing down on you.

One night, after dinner, you saw him slip away, his eyes avoiding yours as he made his way toward the kitchen. You didn’t hesitate. You knew this was your chance. You had to talk to him.

You followed him quietly, your footsteps soft against the stone floors. The kitchen was dim, the only light coming from the flickering fire in the hearth. Ace was standing by the counter, his back to you as he cleaned his sword, the sharp sound of the metal scraping against the stone the only noise in the room.

You took a deep breath and stepped forward. “Ace…” you said, your voice quiet but firm. He stiffened slightly, but didn’t turn to face you. His grip on the sword tightened. "What is it?"

"I—" You stopped yourself before you could say anything, the thought of confronting him suddenly feeling too much. You didn’t say anything more. You couldn’t. You just couldn’t face the possibility that confronting him might make things worse. It wasn’t the right time. You weren’t ready. And neither was he. But deep down, you knew that this silence, this distance—it wouldn’t last forever. Just like that you wanted to disappear and tried to walk away.

Just as you reached your door, ready to close yourself off from everything for the night, you heard footsteps behind you. Before you could react, his voice called out, breaking through the silence.

“Get ready,” Ace’s voice was steady, almost too calm, as though the tension between you two didn’t exist for him at that moment. “We leave for the king’s palace first thing in the morning.”

You turned toward him, confused. His words should have felt like another task to worry about, but there was something in his posture, in the way he said it, that made it sound almost... exciting. His eyes sparkled just a little, and the corners of his mouth were tugged into a small, satisfied smile—something you rarely saw from him. It wasn’t just a mission. It was something more, as if this trip had meaning beyond the typical duty you’d come to expect from him.

“The king’s palace?” you asked, still caught off guard by the change in his demeanor.

He nodded, the smile still on his face. “Yeah. A mission for the crown. Be ready before dawn.” His words were firm, but the way he said them made it clear he was looking forward to this.

“Okay...” You nodded, trying to match his energy. “I’ll be ready.”

Without another word, Ace turned to leave, his expression still lighter than it had been in days, maybe even weeks. The way he walked away, his steps purposeful and quick, seemed to match the upbeat tone in his voice.

---

"Big news, huh?" Sabo said, raising an eyebrow, his voice laced with an amusement Ace hadn’t expected. "I saw you talking to Y/N. You looked like you had something to say."

Ace chuckled under his breath, but it was tight, forced. He didn’t feel like getting into it right now. "Yeah," he replied, trying to brush it off. "We’re leaving for the king’s palace early tomorrow."

"You’re glad about it, aren’t you?" Sabo asked, his voice teasing. Ace glanced up. He hadn’t realized how much he was letting his emotions slip through. He shrugged, trying to play it cool. "It’s a mission. A job."

But Sabo wasn’t buying it. He chuckled softly, crossing his arms over his chest. "Come on, Ace. You’re really that eager to go? It’s not just the mission you’re excited about, is it?"

Ace’s eyes narrowed as he tried to hide the truth, but Sabo already knew. It wasn’t just about the mission. It wasn’t just about duty. It was about her.

"Don’t make it sound like that," Ace muttered, standing up and walking to the window, staring out at the darkening sky. "I just... I need a break. From everything. From all the tension, the questions."

Sabo’s tone turned more serious, his voice quieter. "You think running from it will help?"

Ace stiffened, his jaw clenching. "I’m not running," he replied, more defensively than he intended. "It’s just... easier to focus on something else right now."

"Oh, come on," Sabo continued, his grin widening. "You know exactly what I’m talking about. You’ve been so distant lately. And now, all of a sudden, you’ve got this big mission to the king’s palace, and you seem... well, a little too eager, if you ask me."

"You know," Ace began, his voice low and a little more serious than usual, "I’ve liked her since forever. Ever since I saw her in a carriage passing the alleys of our town."

Sabo, sensing the shift in tone, paused. His teasing grin faded slightly as he regarded his older brother more closely. "Yeah? I kind of figured," he said, raising an eyebrow. "You’ve never really hidden it, but you need to keep your expectations in check.”

Ace blinked, a flicker of confusion crossing his face. “What do you mean?”

“You’ve got feelings for her, I get it. But you’re still a knight, Ace. A knight. She’s got a whole other life, a life that's much different than yours, with more responsibilities. You really think she’s going to look at you like that?”

“I’m not getting my hopes up,” Ace said quietly, his voice thick with frustration. “I’m just... I’m just going to be there. I’ll figure it out as it comes.”

Sabo looked at him for a moment, his gaze searching for any sign that Ace was truly hearing him. But seeing his brother’s stubbornness, his refusal to back down, Sabo just sighed again.

The next morning, the sun had barely risen, casting a soft golden glow over the landscape as Ace and you mounted your horses. Ace adjusted his cloak as he settled into his saddle, his gaze fixed ahead. His expression was focused, but there was something else lingering beneath it, something you couldn’t quite read. His eyes flickered over to you for a moment, but he quickly turned away again, his jaw set.

“Ready?” Ace’s voice broke through your thoughts, the question almost casual, but there was an edge to it—like he was searching for a response that might confirm something.

You nodded, trying to mask the fluttering feeling in your chest. “Ready.” you said.

Each step took you closer to the palace, but it also took you closer to the question that neither of you seemed willing to voice. You both had your reasons for coming, but now, with the palace in sight, it felt like there was more at stake than just the mission. The uncertainty lingered like a shadow, hanging heavy between you and Ace, but for now, all you could do was ride forward.

The ride took hours, the morning turning into midday as the vast expanse of the royal grounds slowly began to come into view. The towering walls of the palace loomed in the distance, their stone surface glistening under the sunlight. It was breathtaking, an imposing structure that seemed to reach toward the sky.

You both slowed your horses as the palace guards appeared at the entrance, their eyes sharp as they assessed the two of you. Ace was the first to reach for his helmet, slipping it on with ease, hiding his features behind the gleaming metal. You followed suit, securing your own helmet with a smooth motion, the familiar weight settling over your head like a shield.

Ace’s voice came through the commotion as he motioned for you to follow him. “Stay close,” he said, his tone firm but quiet, the kind of command that a knight might give to another.

You nodded, though the weight of his words—and the way he said them—made something tighten in your chest. This wasn’t just about the mission anymore. There was more at play, and the silence between the two of you seemed to echo louder now, filled with all the unspoken things that had been lingering between you since the night in the forest.

With a final glance at Ace, you followed him through the gates, the massive palace walls closing in around you as you entered the inner courtyard. The knights were here for duty, but the looming questions between you and him felt just as important as any royal matter.

The palace, with its grandeur and history, seemed both familiar and foreign all at once. Now, you were here—not just as knights on a mission, but as something more complicated, something unspoken. And as you dismounted and stood side by side with Ace, the weight of your helmets somehow felt even heavier, the distance between you both greater than ever before.

You and Ace arrived at the palace gates, the towering walls stretching high above. As the palace attendants moved swiftly to take care of your horses, Ace dismounted with practiced ease, his movements silent and efficient. Without a glance, he handed his reins over, his helmet still firmly in place.

You followed suit, carefully dismounting and passing your horse to a stable boy. The weight of your helmet felt heavy as you removed it, glancing at Ace, who had already begun walking toward the palace entrance. You quickly caught up, and together, you entered the grand halls, the quiet buzz of the palace surrounding you.

After a brief walk through the palace’s winding corridors, you and Ace were led by the attendants into a grand, towering chamber. The walls were lined with intricate tapestries depicting the kingdom’s long history. At the far end of the room, on a raised dais, stood the king’s throne—an imposing, gold-trimmed seat, surrounded by statues and towering columns that seemed to reach toward the heavens.

King Sengoku sat on the throne, his eyes assessing the two of you with a calm yet commanding gaze. His regal presence filled the room, and you couldn’t help but feel the weight of it all as you stood before him.

Ace, as always, remained composed, his posture straight and unwavering. You stood by his side, trying to appear as calm, despite the growing anticipation in the air.

The king’s voice broke the silence. "Welcome, knights. I trust your journey was smooth?"

You nodded, your voice steady despite the nerves that were creeping up on you. “The journey was fine, Your Majesty.”

Ace’s response mirrored yours, his voice firm as he addressed the king. “We arrived without incident, Your Majesty.”

The king gave a small nod before motioning to the girls aside him, “These are my nieces,” he said, his voice softer now, though still commanding. “Princess Hibari, and Princess Isuka.”

Ace straightened, his posture as disciplined as ever, and with a respectful nod, he addressed the king and his nieces. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Your Majesty, Princess Hibari, Princess Isuka.” His voice was steady, his words polite yet firm, carrying the weight of the respect he held for their status.

You followed his lead, giving a slight bow. “The pleasure is ours, Your Majesty, Princess Hibari, Princess Isuka,” you echoed, keeping your voice even and respectful.

The king’s eyes briefly flickered over both of you, a small nod of approval in his gaze. The princesses, too, gave polite nods in return, though their expressions remained measured, still observing the knights before them. As Ace stood there, his eyes briefly flickered over to Princess Isuka. His heart gave an unexpected lurch as the memory came rushing back, unbidden. It was her. The girl he had seen all those years ago in the royal carriage—the one who had looked out at him with an air of mystery and elegance, her eyes filled with curiosity as she passed by. He had been just a child back then, but the image of her had stayed with him ever since, etched into his mind.

“You’ve traveled a long way and must be weary,” King said, his voice softening slightly. “Go rest, knights. Take some time to recover from your journey. The evening will bring a different kind of challenge.” He gestured toward the attendants, who were already prepared to guide you to your quarters.

You nodded respectfully, feeling the weight of his words. Ace, too, gave a subtle acknowledgment, his posture remaining steady.

“And,” the king continued, his tone now a bit lighter, “you are both invited to the masked ball this evening. It will be an event of great importance, and your presence is expected. Be sure to dress accordingly.”

“Thank you, Your Majesty,” Ace replied, his voice steady and polite.

The king smiled slightly. “Rest well, and we shall see you later this evening. Do not keep the guests waiting.”

With that, the attendants led you both away, the grandeur of the throne room fading behind you as you were escorted to your quarters. The weight of the invitation hung in the air, and as you walked in silence beside Ace, you couldn't help but wonder what the night would bring.

---

The dress you wore was a rich emerald velvet, its bodice tightly fitted with intricate lacework that highlighted your form. The long, flowing sleeves were made of fine silk, trailing gracefully to your wrists, while the skirt cascaded to the floor in soft, layered waves. A small slit along the side allowed for ease of movement, though it was hidden by the fabric.

Your mask was delicate, crafted from polished silver with elegant filigree patterns. It covered the upper part of your face, leaving your lips exposed, and the crystal embellishments on the eyes caught the light, adding a mysterious sparkle to your gaze. Together, the gown and mask made you appear both noble and untouchable, yet the warrior within you remained just beneath the surface.

Ace wore his full knight's armor, the metal gleaming in the soft light of the palace. His chestplate, embossed with the insignia of his order, was a polished silver that contrasted with the darker leather beneath. His gauntlets were sturdy, and his boots well-worn from years of use, but they still held a commanding presence. His helmet, however, was held in his hand.

The entire night passed in a heavy silence between you and Ace. Despite the grandeur of the masked ball, with guests mingling and the soft music playing in the background, there was a distance between you both that couldn’t be ignored. Ace remained at your side, but he didn’t speak a word. His gaze was constantly elsewhere, his eyes scanning the room as though his attention was lost to something far beyond the dance floor.

You tried to catch his eye a few times, hoping for some sort of acknowledgment, but each time, his focus was fixed on something—or someone—else. The once familiar connection you shared seemed distant, as though he had slipped into a world of his own, leaving you alone in a sea of strangers.

The entire night, Ace couldn’t help but feel a tight knot of frustration in his chest. He tried, again and again, to catch Princess Isuka’s gaze, his eyes scanning the room in search of her. But every time he thought he might, she was surrounded by other princes—talking, laughing, the attention of every noble in the room on her.

He couldn’t deny the sharp pang of jealousy that twisted inside him each time another man leaned in too close, shared a laugh, or bowed a little too deeply in her presence. But it wasn’t just jealousy that gnawed at him. It was insecurity, a deeper feeling he couldn’t shake. He was just a knight—someone sworn to protect, to serve. He didn’t belong in her world of royalty and nobility.

His heart raced every time his eyes drifted to her, and it frustrated him to no end that no matter how many times he tried to get closer, he was always just on the outside looking in. And worse, he couldn't help but wonder if she even noticed him at all.

Without thinking, he turned to you, his voice coming out more sharply than he intended. “Would you care to dance?” he asked, the words feeling almost foreign on his tongue.

You blinked, surprised by the sudden invitation, but before you could respond, Ace was already offering his hand. His eyes, though still guarded, seemed to seek something in yours—maybe a distraction, maybe just the chance to be close to someone who didn’t make him feel small.

You hesitated for a moment, sensing the tension that had been building in him all night, but then you placed your hand in his, the action pulling you both into a fleeting moment of connection.

As the music swirled around them, Ace led you onto the dance floor with a calm yet purposeful grip on your hand. His other hand rested on your waist, and the connection felt both firm and careful. The pressure was gentle but firm, a feeling that stirred something deep within. The memory hit you suddenly: the way his fingers had brushed against your skin, how the air had felt charged, like the very night itself had held its breath. That kiss, the way everything had felt so raw, so real.

As you danced, you noticed that his eyes were fixed on yours, never wavering. The intensity of his stare felt different now—charged, like he was searching for something in your expression, something he couldn’t find in the others around him.

As the dance continued, Ace’s movements slowed, his hand on your waist tightening slightly as he drew you in closer. The space between you both seemed to shrink with every passing second, until you could feel the warmth of his breath against your ear.

"You should come to my room tonight," he whispered, his voice low and steady, the words carrying a weight that made your heart skip. "We have things we need to talk about."

Your pulse quickened, a mix of anticipation and relief washing over you. Finally, you thought. It was time. The air between you both had been thick with tension for too long, and tonight, maybe, things would finally be cleared. You nodded slightly, as if to signal that you understood, that you were ready to finally talk, to understand what had been left unsaid.

After the ball had ended and the guests had begun to disperse, the weight of the night still lingered in the air.

Ace led you through the dimly lit corridors of the palace, his steps steady and purposeful. The sound of his boots echoing in the hallway matched the quickening beat of your heart. When you finally reached his room, Ace opened the door, stepping aside to allow you to enter first.

As soon as the door clicked shut behind them, Ace moved with a sudden intensity, his hand finding yours, pulling you closer. Before you could even take a breath, he pressed you against the door, his lips crashing against yours in a deep, urgent kiss. The shock of the moment left you breathless, but there was something consuming about it, something that made your heart race in your chest.

Between kisses, his voice was low and shaky, a mix of desire and desperation. "We will talk things out," he murmured against your lips, his hand tangling in your hair as he kissed you harder. "But I need you right now."

His words only made the tension in your body heighten, each one fueling the fire that was building between you. His touch was rough, but there was a gentleness beneath it, as if he was both desperate and tender, wanting to feel every inch of you.

You wanted to respond, wanted to say something—anything—but the kiss, the heat between you both, made everything else fade away. All that mattered in that moment was the pull you felt, the magnetic force that neither of you could resist.

Morning light filtered softly through the curtains, pulling you from a restless sleep. As you stirred, confusion set in—Ace’s bed, the tangled sheets, and the lingering ache in your body. The events of the night rushed back, but when you looked around, he was gone. His armor, his presence—everything was absent.

You sat up, heart sinking, unsure of what to feel. Had it meant something, or was it just a fleeting moment for him? The room felt cold and empty without him, and the silence only left more questions unanswered.

The next time you saw Ace, it was not in the quiet of his room or the stillness of the morning. It was when the news came—the kingdom was under attack.

The air was thick with tension as the messenger arrived, his face pale and breathless. "The kingdom is under siege," he announced, his voice strained with urgency.

Before you could process the shock, Ace appeared at the front, his expression hard and focused. His armor was back on, and his eyes locked onto yours for a brief moment, the weight of the situation overtaking whatever had happened between you the night before. He didn’t say a word to you; he didn’t need to. The kingdom needed him, and the past was put on hold for the chaos that was about to unfold.

The horns sounded in the distance, a sharp warning that the siege had begun. The kingdom was under attack. Soldiers rushed to their positions, armor clanking as they hurried. The sky above was dark, matching the feeling of dread in the air.

Ace stood at the front, his sword in hand, ready for battle. His eyes were cold with determination. He moved swiftly, giving orders and preparing for the fight ahead.

You found yourself on the battlefield, your own sword ready as you joined the others. The enemy charged, their shouts filling the air as they rushed toward the gates. The clash of swords and shields was deafening. Every strike felt like a test of survival.

Ace fought fiercely, cutting through the enemy with precision. He moved like a storm, and you followed closely behind him, defending your kingdom. The battle felt endless, the sounds of the fight overwhelming. But through it all, you caught brief glimpses of Ace’s eyes. No words were needed; his focus was all on the battle, and so was yours.

The fight continued, the enemy’s numbers pushing harder. You fought side by side, knowing this wasn’t just about protecting the kingdom, but something deeper that tied you both together. With each blow, you stood strong, not just for the kingdom, but for each other.

The battle raged on, and the enemy was pushing closer to the palace gates. Ace’s voice rang out, sharp and clear above the chaos. “We need to get inside! Protect the king and his family!”

With weapons raised, the two of you, along with the rest of the knights, fought your way through the thick of it, carving a path toward the palace. The enemy was relentless, but you pushed forward, heart pounding, determined to reach the king before it was too late.

As you neared the entrance, a loud scream pierced the air, echoing through the battlefield. It was a scream unlike any other, filled with terror and desperation. It was Princess Isuka.

The sound sent a cold chill down your spine. You looked to Ace, who had heard it too. His jaw tightened, and without another word, he broke into a sprint, heading straight for the palace doors.

The fight to protect the king was far from over, but now there was something more—an urgent need to protect the princess. You followed him, your breath coming in sharp gasps, your sword ready, knowing that whatever had caused that scream, you needed to reach her before it was too late.

Ace kicked open the door to Princess Isuka’s room, his sword raised. Inside, masked attackers were closing in on her. Without hesitation, he charged, his blade cutting through the air, taking down the first attacker with a single, precise strike. You followed close behind, joining the fight as Ace moved with deadly precision, each blow

aimed at eliminating the threat. One by one, the attackers fell, until the room was silent, the danger gone.

Ace quickly moved toward Princess Isuka, his eyes softening for just a moment as he approached her. He knelt down, gently lifting her into his arms. She was shaken, her face pale, but her eyes were filled with gratitude.

"I’ll stay with her," Ace told you, his voice steady but urgent. "I’ll make sure she’s safe. You need to look for any remaining enemies."

You nodded, though your heart clenched at his words. The urgency in his tone, the way he held the princess so protectively, it was all clear now. His gaze lingered on Isuka as he carefully adjusted her in his arms, his posture softening for her in a way he never had with you.

As you turned to check the hall for other threats, it hit you. The protective way Ace had acted, the care he showed her—it wasn’t just duty. It was something deeper, something more personal.

He had feelings for her.

"You saved me," she whispered, her voice a mixture of awe and gratitude, her hand gently resting on his chest.

Ace’s expression softened, but there was a quiet tension in his eyes. He said nothing, only nodding as he adjusted his hold on her. Her giggles continued, a light, almost carefree sound that filled the room. It was clear she was captivated by him, as if the danger they’d just faced was forgotten in the warmth of his protection.

You watched from the doorway, a knot forming in your stomach. The princess was clearly charmed by Ace, her giggles a stark contrast to the weight of the situation.

As the princess continued to gaze up at Ace, a soft smile spread across her face. She seemed completely enchanted by him, her giggles lingering in the air, her fingers lightly tracing the edge of his armor.

"Thank you, Sir Ace," she said, her voice filled with admiration, her eyes twinkling. "You’re my hero."

Ace’s face remained stoic, though there was a hint of discomfort in the way he shifted his weight, still holding her with care. "I was just doing my duty," he said, his voice steady, but there was a slight tightness to it.

The princess, however, seemed lost in her own world, oblivious to the rest of the room. She leaned in closer to Ace, her head resting against his chest, her breath soft against his armor. "You’re so strong," she murmured, giggling again as she looked up at him.

As you stood in the doorway, watching Ace and Princess Isuka, the realization hit you like a wave.

You had always believed that there was something between you and Ace. The training, the moments shared in silence, the unspoken connection. But now, as you observed how he held Isuka, how his eyes softened for her in a way they never had for you, it became clear.

You had never been more than a distraction. A fleeting moment, a temporary comfort for Ace. He had never looked at you the way he looked at her. The way she giggled in his arms, how he was so tender with her—it was something you would never have.

For the first time, you saw it all for what it truly was. You had been the one to occupy his mind, to keep him busy while he longed for her. And now that the princess was in front of him, everything about you—your feelings, your efforts—seemed to fade into the background.

You were nothing more than a distraction to him, something to pass the time until he could be close to the one he truly wanted. And in that moment, a cold ache spread through your chest, deeper than any battle wound you had ever suffered.

You turned away, feeling the sting of your own heart breaking.

A few years had passed, and much had changed since that fateful night. Ace had become the personal guardian of Princess Isuka, a title that earned him respect and admiration throughout the kingdom. It was no surprise—his skill, loyalty, and strength had made him a perfect fit for such an important role. The princess, now the future queen, was to marry a prince from a neighboring kingdom, solidifying an alliance that was crucial to the kingdom’s future.

But rumors swirled around the palace like shadows, whispering that the princess and her personal guard were more than just protector and royal. Their closeness had raised eyebrows, and the rumors of an affair between the two were growing louder by the day. No one could say for sure, but the signs were all there—the way Ace was always by her side, the way she would glance at him in the quiet halls when no one else was looking.

Meanwhile, you had been added to the kingdom’s guard, your skills honed over the years. You had worked hard to get there, but it felt like a hollow victory. You were now part of the very unit that protected the royal family, yet you felt further removed from Ace than ever. He was loyal to Isuka, his attention always on her, and your own place in the guard seemed so distant, even though you had once stood by his side.

The kingdom was shifting—preparing for the marriage, for the new queen—but there was still a heaviness in the air, something unspoken. It weighed on you, seeing Ace by the princess’s side, his every move focused on her. You could feel the distance between you, even though you had once shared more. Now, you were nothing more than a shadow in the background, a guard, while Ace was her confidant, her protector, her everything.

But then, just as the ceremony was about to proceed, you felt a presence beside you. You turned to find Ace standing there, looking at you with an unreadable expression. His armor gleamed in the soft light, and for a moment, it felt like nothing had changed, like the years hadn't gone by, like he was still the same Ace you had once known.

"You’re still here," he said quietly, his voice soft enough that only you could hear.

You stiffened, unsure how to respond. You nodded, trying to keep your voice steady. "I’m here to do my duty."

Ace’s eyes studied you for a moment, as if he was trying to gauge something in your expression. Then, his gaze softened just a fraction, and he took a step closer. "It wasn’t supposed to be like this," he murmured, almost as if talking to himself.

Your heart skipped, and before you could say anything, he continued. "I know things have changed, and I… I didn’t want it to end like this, with you standing so far away."

His words hit you harder than you expected. The weight of everything—your feelings, the years, the distance—felt suffocating. You wanted to speak, to tell him how much you had always wished things were different, how much you had hoped for a chance, but the words caught in your throat.

"I’ve always… cared about you," Ace added, his voice barely above a whisper, his eyes not meeting yours for a moment. "But I’ve made mistakes. I don’t expect anything from you, not now."

“It doesn’t matter no more. It was obvious that everything you did was for her, always” it never hurt any less. You were never her.

all author rights go to @neospade

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galaxy-stardust · 2 days ago

Text

Time-out with the Task Force

Part 5

The fire crackled, filling the quiet gaps between words. Outside, the wind howled against the cabin walls, a reminder of the snowstorm still raging beyond the safety of their hideaway.

Price swirled the whiskey in his glass, watching the flames dance. "Y’know, I remember a time when you didn’t say more than five words to any of us, Ghost."

Soap smirked. "Aye, and half of those were probably 'fuck off' or 'stay sharp'."

Ghost scoffed, shifting in his chair. “Still applies, mate.”

Gaz chuckled. "And yet, here you are, sittin’ all cozy in a cabin, staring at her like she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to you."

Ghost didn’t take the bait, but his fingers tapped against his knee, a subtle tell.

Price leaned back. “Truth be told, I worried about you for a long time, Simon.” His voice carried the weight of years of battles, of losses, of seeing too many good soldiers break. “Didn’t think you’d ever let someone in.”

Ghost exhaled slowly, rubbing a thumb over the edge of his glove. “Didn’t think so either.”

Soap nudged him with his foot. “So what changed?”

Ghost was quiet for a moment, watching the fire. Then, in a voice low and steady - "She didn’t leave.”

No one spoke.

It wasn’t just words. It was a weight. A confession without being one.

Price nodded slowly. “That’s the thing, isn’t it? Finding someone who stays.”

Soap hummed. “Aye… most don’t.”

Gaz glanced toward Ghost. “And you? You stayin’ too?”

Ghost’s fingers curled slightly against his knee. His gaze flicked to where you slept, bundled up, peaceful, unaware of the conversation unfolding around you.

“…Yeah.”

Soap grinned, lifting his glass. “Well, ain’t that somethin’.”

Gaz smirked. “Never thought I’d see the day.”

Price just chuckled, taking another slow sip. “Enjoy it while you can, lads. The world doesn’t give us much of this.”

The fire crackled, and for once, Ghost let himself just be.

~~~~~~~~~

The fire burned low, casting long shadows across the wooden walls. The storm still rattled outside, but inside, it was warm - comfortably so. The quiet between them wasn’t heavy, wasn’t awkward. Just men who had spent years together, who didn’t need to fill every silence with words.

Soap stretched out in his chair, rolling his shoulders with a grunt. “Damn, I’m gettin’ too old for this shite. Back’s killin’ me.”

Gaz snorted. “You’re what, thirty?”

Soap scowled. “It’s an experienced thirty, thank you very much. And my body’s been through more than yours.”

Gaz leaned forward. “Mate, I’ve been shot. Twice.”

Soap held up a hand. “Ah, ah, but have you fallen off a moving helicopter and survived?”

Gaz blinked. “…You fell off a heli?”

Price sighed, rubbing his temples. “He jumped off the damn thing.”

Soap grinned. “Semantics, Cap’n. Thought it was goin’ down, figured I’d rather take my chances with the ground than an explosion.”

Ghost huffed, shaking his head. “Daft bastard.”

“Hey, worked, didn’t it?” Soap smirked. “Broke my leg, but I lived.”

Price chuckled. “You lot ever think about how much shite we’ve survived?”

Gaz exhaled. “Honestly? No. If I did, I think I’d have a crisis.”

Soap tapped his chin. “Best near-death moment? Go.”

Ghost lifted a brow. “Best?”

Soap shrugged. “Aye, y’know, the kind where you should’ve died, but somehow, you pulled some ridiculous shite and made it out.”

Gaz smirked. “Like the time you ran through a burning building with a hostage while also being shot at?”

Soap grinned. “Exactly!”

Price sighed. “Y’know, back in my day, we didn’t call that a ‘best’ moment. We called it a fuckin’ disaster.”

Ghost shifted in his chair. “Karachi. Had to crawl through a sewer pipe with a busted arm. Thought I’d bleed out before I made it to the exfil.”

Soap winced. “Oof. That’s grim, mate.”

Gaz snorted. “Still not as bad as Soap’s great ‘heli jump’.”

Soap threw a pillow at him. “Oi, legendary heli jump.”

Ghost smirked. “Legendarily stupid.”

Price chuckled, taking another sip of whiskey. “Hell, I remember back when I was still green - thought I could clear a minefield by walking real careful.”

Gaz stared. “Did it work?”

Price grinned. “Still here, aren’t I?”

Soap whistled. “That’s some next-level luck, Cap’n.”

Price shrugged. “Not luck. Just a very, very slow walk and a lot of prayers.”

Ghost shook his head, exhaling through his nose. “You’re all insane.”

Soap grinned. “Aye, and you love it.”

Ghost rolled his eyes but didn’t argue.

The fire crackled, and for a moment, they just sat there, content in the quiet. Men who had been through hell together, laughing at the absurdity of survival.

A storm outside, warmth inside.

For now, that was enough.

#cod #simon ghost riley #simon riley #john soap mactavish #johnny soap mactavish #kyle gaz garrick #simon riley x reader #john price #task force x reader #task force 141 #cod fanfic #cod fandom

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flowery-mess · 11 hours ago

Text

THE FIRE WITHIN

chapter 3 (series masterlist)

Pairing: firefighter Noah x female reader

reader has a name (Theresa Monroe, but the story is written in 'your' POV)

Warnings: 18+ MDNI! / sexual content (oral both receiving, unprotected sex) / flashbacks of tragic call / reader geting hurt on call / verbal harassment / nightmares / sex at work / I think that's it, let me know if there's anything else!

Words: 10,8k

Author's note: Treat this one nicely please, I feel like it's my baby, one of my favorite things I've written si far❤️‍🩹 let me know your opinion, I love getting feedback from you!

Be aware you're reading this at your own decision, it contains sensitive topics, so please think twice before reading as I wouldn't want to cause anyone any discomfort while reading my work!

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Noah’s hands explored your body, gripping and squeezing you once in a while. You liked the feeling of his hands on you. Your hands were in his hair and you could swear you heard him moan a few times when you tugged at it.

He slowly put his hands under your t-shirt, teasing your skin and testing if you’ll let him. He moved them up your sides until he reached your breasts and took them both in his hands. You disconnected your lips and took a deep breath, not expecting this kind of touch. In your office. With an unlocked door. Oh god.

“Wait, Noah. We can’t.” you whispered into his open mouth.

“Why not?” he put on his best pout.

“We are in my office, anyone could walk in any minute.” you sat straight on his lap and removed his hands from under your t-shirt, “Plus, you’re dirty.” you pointed to his face and laughed.

“Okay you’re right.” you knew were.

He stole one more kiss before you stood up and put your clothes back in place. Noah collected his jacket and went for the door. “By the way, you’re dirty too.” he winked at you and left your office.

You quickly moved to take your phone from your bag and opened your front camera. You couldn’t help but smile when you saw the slightest amount of grey on your face. Your fingers wiped it off and then you swiped them over your lips. You could still feel the butterflies in your stomach. Noah is going to be trouble.

—

“My mom is coming to town for lunch, do you wanna come?”

You read Noah’s text as you sat down behind your desk at station 19.

“Why would I come to have lunch with your mom?”

“Because I want to introduce her to her future daughter in law.”

“Smooth Noah, real smooth.”

You laughed at his flirtatious message. You got used to it at this point. Since the day he came to your office and you both let yourself go you couldn’t stop texting each other. You have not been back to station 25 since that, so you were glad he couldn’t see your smiles and red cheeks from his obvious flirting.

“I’m serious.”

“Of course you are. And I’m working.”

“Okay, I’m just gonna tell her about you then.”

You locked your phone and put it in the bottom drawer, because otherwise you’d spent the next 8 hours texting with the handsome firefighter instead of doing your job.

—

“Hi mom.” Noah greeted his mom with a smile on his face and kissed her cheek.

“Hi Noah. Dad is sorry he couldn’t come today, work.” she apologized on behalf of his father.

“It’s okay.” he shrugged his shoulders. “How are you?”

“Good. Work has been busy lately but at least I’m not bored. Your dad is still a pain in the ass and we are thinking about getting a dog.”

“A dog?”

“Yeah. I miss you, so I thought of getting a dog.” she said and looked over the menu.

“Did you just compare me to a dog?” he laughed but mimicked her actions and let his eyes read over the menu.

“You know what I mean! It’s either a dog or you could give me grandchildren.” she winked at him over the paper in front of her face.

“Sure mom, dog sounds great.” he chuckled to himself. He knew what messages he sent you earlier, but he also knew his mom and what would happen if he told her about you. She wouldn’t leave the town until Noah would take her to your place and introduce you. Which was not happening yet, he still has to charm you until he introduces you to his parents.

“How is your work? Everything okay?” his mom asked him when they finished their meals.

“Yeah, the usual.” Noah lied. He didn’t tell her about that call and his mental state since that day. She was a good mom and she would be worried. She knew his job was dangerous, but he always told her about medical calls or small fires so she wouldn’t be scared.

“Will you come visit us any time soon? You know, stay for the weekend. Dad could use your help in the garden.” and his first thought was about you coming with him. It scared him how much he wanted you, but he could picture you and your mom getting along. He’s crazy, he doesn’t even know you that well.

“I promise I’ll visit you and dad soon okay?”

—

You had plenty of time to think about you and Noah over the next few days and you came up with some rules. It was Tuesday today, so your plan was to present them to him and leave no room for discussion.

You were in the middle of a call with your boss when the door to your office flew open and you saw Noah.

You put your finger on your lips to make sure he stays silent. He slowly closed the door behind him and with a few long steps he was behind your chair.

You felt him tower over you and his hands by your sides.

“Yes, I had a call with John and he agreed.” you continued talking with your boss.

You felt Noah’s hand move your hair on the side where you didn’t hold your phone to your ear and soon his hand was replaced with his lips.

“Sorry, what did you say?” you got lost in the feeling of Noah’s lips on your neck and didn’t hear a word the person on the other side of the line told you.

You felt Noah’s lips turn into a smirk. He expected you to push him away, but you didn’t. You enjoyed it.

“I’ll make sure to send you the papers by the end of your week. Thank you. Bye.” you quickly finished your call and threw your phone on the table.

“Are you crazy?” you turned around in your chair to face Noah who was smiling back at you.

“You liked it.” he knew you did.

He leaned down and put his hands on the handles of your chair. Your faces were close and you could smell his cologne.

“Listen Noah, I thought about this,” you pointed your finger at him and then back at you, “and maybe we should make some rules for this to work.”

“What rules?”

“Let’s not rush things. This is nice, I like it. I like spending time with you when I’m here, but we don’t really know each other yet. Let’s take things slowly, please.” you looked up at him.

“If you’re talking about what I texted you about my mom the other day, that was just a joke.” he panicked, thinking he scared you off with a stupid joke.

“No it’s not because of those texts.” you laughed at his panicked face. “I mean in general.”

“Okay. But can I still kiss you?” he was teasing you at this point.

“Noah!” you playfully smacked his arm.

“No, I agree. Let’s not rush anything.” he leaned down to kiss your forehead. “I have to go. Will you be there for the Open day on Friday?”

“Yeah, but I also have to be at 19. I think I’ll come here around lunch time.”

“Great. Bye.”

“Safe shift!” you called after him but doubted he heard you.

Throughout the rest of your day you got a few messages from Noah, but it seemed like a busy day for station 25. They had many calls and even when you left at 5PM they were out.

—

The next day you saw the final version of a schedule for the Open day. Open day is held once a year at a few stations. The public can come and see the station, trucks and other fire equipment. Firefighters have various activities ready for the kids that are usually the most excited to come and see their work.

You’ll be spending your morning at station 19 where they asked you to speak about your job for the public. You’ve never done that so you were nervous about all the attention you’re going to get. You changed your speech too many times that you decided to write down just simple points and talk from your heart.

After you’re done you’re going to station 25 where you don’t have exactly a slot for speech, but you want to be there to answer questions and talk with people that are interested in your job. And maybe because you really want to see Noah too.

The crew of station 25 made their own schedule which was pretty obvious when you read each time stamp and the activity. They wanted to have fun and hid it behind “There will be kids!”

10:00 - start

11:00 - introduction and short introduction of the fire department’s work

11:30 - fire safety talk

12:00 - break

12:30 - station tour

13:30 - intervention and equipment demonstration

14:30 - fire truck ride along

15:00 - Q&A with the crew

Noah’s name was written beside the station tour and fire truck ride along. Of course he chose the fun stuff.

“When are you coming to the station on Friday?”

Speaking of the devil… the devil sent you a message.

“I think I’ll be there in time for your tour.”

“So you’ve seen the schedule. What do you think?”

“That I’m very interested in your guide skills.”

“You’re gonna love it.”

Of course you will. He’s like fish in the pond when it comes to fire stuff and you’re sure his tour will be educational and fun.

—

“Overall the goal of our Crisis intervention team is to help not just fire fighters, but also to those affected by the fires and to everyone who lost their property or their closed ones on a call. It's a very important part of the fire department and I’m glad that our team is getting bigger and bigger.” you closed your notes as you were saying the last few words to the crowd. “But we’re still understaffed. If any of you are interested in being part of the Crisis intervention team don’t be afraid to reach out. Thank you for your attention everyone.”

After you finished speaking there was an applause for you. The whole speech thing went much better than you thought and now you were ready to enjoy the rest of the day with others.

“Are you leaving already?” an older lieutenant approached you as you were packing your things.

“Yeah, I promised I’d stop by at 25 too.”

“Shame, there will be fireworks later, they won’t have that.” he winked at you and gave you a fatherly hug before saying his goodbye to you.

When you were in your car you checked your phone to see it was 12:05 and you noticed a new message from Noah.

“I’ll be sad if you won’t make it in time:(“

“I’ll be there in 20.” you replied and started the car.

There seemed to be more kids than adults at 25. They were running around the trucks, staring at them with their wide eyes.

“Okay minions, get ready, the tour starts in 5 minutes!” you heard Noah’s voice and after a few more steps you saw him standing next to the ladder.

“Minions?” you asked him with a laugh.

“They won’t stop running around and they’re small, like minions.” he shrugged his shoulders. You noticed a balloon in the shape of a firetruck around him and your eyes followed the string only to find out that Noah had it tied around his belt. “Oh that’s just an accessory to keep their attention.” he said when he saw you looking at it. Right, obviously.

“You’re full of surprises lieutenant.” you said with an amused smile. He just winked at you and started walking in the direction of very excited kids.

“Before we start - don’t touch anything and don’t push any buttons, understood?” they all nodded their heads at him. Nick joined Noah and they started walking in the direction of administrational wing of the station.

You were very tempted to follow them too, but you’d be the only one above the age of 8. You decided to wait down with everyone else and join them when they go see the fun stuff.

Half an hour later Noah slid down the big pole and you heard all of the tiny voices go “Woow!” from the hole that connected the main floor with the first floor. Second later they all come running down to meet Noah by the pole. Nick had one boy sit on his shoulders and Noah’s balloon was tied around a little girl's ponytail.

“That was so cool!”

“You were so quick!”

“You must be so strong!”

“Can I try it?”

The kids were talking at once, jumping around from excitement. That’s when you noticed one of the kids, a brown haired boy in jeans and long sleeved t-shirt, standing behind all of the kids. He didn’t jump around like everyone else and didn’t ask any questions.

“Hi, I’m Tess. Can I join you for the rest of the tour?” you stood next to the little boy and asked him. He just nodded his head and gave you a small smile.

You followed Noah and Nick around like if you were at the station for the first time. They were telling jokes, making fun of each other and keeping the kids entertained. But your attention was on the boy beside you. He didn’t laugh much and looked very sad. His hands kept playing with the hem of his t-shirt so you offered to hold his hand and he accepted.

“Do you like it here?” you asked him when Noah and Nick told the group about the trucks.

“Yes.” his voice was low and he kept avoiding your gaze.

“What did you like the most?”

“The pole.” he finally sounded more excited. You learned that his name is Tom.

“It’s really cool, isn’t it? Do you want to be a firefighter when you grow up?”

“I don’t know yet.” he shrugged his shoulders.

“That’s okay, you have plenty of time.” you squeezed his hand.

“Now you can all see the inside of the truck, but remember what I said - don’t touch anything, okay?” Noah said and made a serious face. Bad for him the kids only laughed at him and sprinted inside the car.

“Do you want to go inside Tom?” you crouched down to his level and he just nodded his head no. He was shy, not like the other kids.

“Hey buddy, do you need help getting in?” Noah crouched down next to you and reached his hand out towards Tom. He looked at you and you gave him an encouraging smile. It took a while before he put his much smaller hand in Noah’s.

You continued to watch the two of them from afar. Noah made sure that Tom tried all of the different seats and patiently answered the few questions Tom asked him.

And your heart was melting at that sight. Seeing Noah in his uniform with a small kid sitting in his lap was something you didn’t expect to see today.

Tom along with the other kids ran off to get some snacks and you had a minute to talk with Noah alone.

“He reminds me of myself.” he said.

“I wouldn't have guessed you as the shy kid.”

“I was. I outgrew it, obviously, but I was like him.” the idea of little Noah made you pout and give him sad eyes.

“Don’t tell me you’re gonna cry.”

“I’m just very emotional and I pictured you playing with your toys all alone. Yeah I might start crying now.”

Noah laughed at your reaction and your glassy eyes. “Let’s have a snack, snacks always make me feel better.” he dragged you to the food area where you joined his group of minions.

—

For the rest of the day you hang out with Nick and Noah, watching the others do the demonstrations and talk more about fire safety.

The truck ride along was probably the kids favorite thing. You were happy to see Tom with a big smile when the truck stopped in front of the station. He was sitting right next to Noah and they both waved at you with matching smiles.

By the time the Q&A part was coming to an end some of the kids were falling asleep, the energy drained from their small bodies.

Some of them didn’t want to leave and had to be dragged away by their parents.

After everyone left and the doors were rolled back down you looked around and saw a bunch of tired firefighters.

“Looks like the minions drained all of your energy.” you joked and helped Noah with cleaning up.

“They were little devils.” he laughed.

“But they enjoyed it.”

After the station was cleaned everyone went to do their own thing, some of the guys hit the gym and others went to take a much needed nap.

And Noah sneaked away to your office.

You sat in his lap on your couch and your hands were around his neck.

“Are you gonna join us at the bar tomorrow?” his nose gently traced your jaw, planting a kiss here and there.

“I already have plans, sorry.”

“Plans?” he pulled away and looked suspiciously at you.

“Plans.” you confirmed.

“With who?”

“Do you think I don’t have any other friends than guys from work?” you faked being offended.

“Plans. With. Who?” he made dramatic pauses between each word.

“With my friend. Are you jealous?”

“That you’re gonna spend Saturday night with her and not me? Hell yeah.”

“Then it’s a good thing we’re going for drinks at Joe’s bar.” you whispered and leaned down to meet his lips for a kiss. You felt the corners of his mouth lift up when he realized that at least he can stare at you from a distance.

You rested your head on his chest and he let out a long yawn.

“You should go take a nap.” you said.

“Can I take one here?”

“I’m leaving in 15 minutes Noah.” you were met with puppy eyes and a sad face. “See you tomorrow.” you kissed his pout away before he left your office.

—

“So you’re telling me that group of sexy firefighters will be there?” your friend asked you with shock.

“Mhm.” you agreed and filled her glass with wine. She came to your place for pre drinks.

“And why didn’t you tell me sooner? I would have worn something different!” she sighed and looked at herself in the mirror.

“You look fine! It’s a bar, not a fancy club.” you laughed when she tried to push her boobs more in the view. You checked yourself in the mirror too.

This time you chose to wear blue loose jeans and a tight tank top with leather jacket over it. You curled your hair this time and did your go to makeup.

“So that also means I’ll get to see Mr. Hotshot tonight?”

“Yes, Noah will be there.” you sipped on your wine and thought about the message Noah sent you earlier. “Can’t wait to see you tonight, pretty girl.”

“You wanna fuck him so bad.” your friend turned around to face you, because she just caught you smiling for yourself after mentioning his name.

“Shut up!” you threw a tissue box at her to stop her from talking more.

You took a cab to the bar and just like the last time when you entered, the smell of beer and sweat hit you. You scanned the area and saw the guys already there. Noah sat with his back to the door so he didn’t notice you yet.

You two found a table with your name written on a piece of paper and sat down.

“Will you be mad if I sleep with one of them?” you had to laugh at her face when she saw the group of big men sitting around one big table. “Not hotshot of course.”

“Go for it I guess.” your answer seemed to satisfy her and she kept her eyes fixed on them.

After the bartender brought you two glasses of wine you felt someone watching you. You looked around and found Noah’s eyes looking at you. You smiled at him and he smiled back at you.

“Come hang out with us.” your phone buzzed with a new message from him.

“It’s a girls night.”

“Your friend is stripping Jolly with her eyes.”

You laughed at his message, but it was true. She chose her prize after five minutes after you two sat down.

“Maybe later.”

And with that you placed your phone down on the table, sign for Noah that the conversation is over for now.

“So is he single?”

“Can you take your eyes off of him for a few minutes and give your attention to me?” she rolled her eyes and unwillingly took her eyes off of Jolly.

“He’s just very handsome. And tall. And muscular.”

“He also looks like your ex.”

“Not fair.” she crossed her arms and made an angry face at you.

After a while she finally stopped talking about Jolly and updated you on her life. She was trying to find a new specialty, because couples therapy was boring, that’s what she said. She told you about the new apartment she’s thinking about moving into and about her family drama.

It was nice hanging out with her. You haven’t seen each other in a while so you had a lot to catch up on. You appreciated the female energy after spending time at work mainly with men.

“I’m gonna use the bathroom, I’ll be right back.” she excused herself and left you by yourself.

You unlocked your phone and sent a text to your mom who sent you pictures of her new garden plants. You must have gotten lost in your thoughts because you didn’t expect your friend to be back that quick. You heard someone sit down opposite to you so you put your phone away.

“That was qu-” you didn’t finish your sentence because that was in fact not your friend sitting on the other side of the table.

“Hi kitten. What can I get you?” a man in late 50s with a long beard and bald head was now facing you.

“I’m here with a friend actually.” you gave him a polite smile and hoped he’d take the hint and leave.

“You mean that girl?” you turned your head in the direction he was pointing to and saw your friend sitting next to Jolly. Amazing.

“She’ll come back soon.”

“I can’t let you sit here by yourself, kitten.” you turned your head back to where she was, too occupied with listening to whatever Jolly was saying. You looked where Noah was sitting, where he should be sitting. But you found an empty chair.

“So maybe after I buy you a drink we can leave on my bike together?” you looked back at the man and made a disgusted face.

Meanwhile your friend was lost in Jolly’s eyes and Noah was playing darts with others. When he glanced back to their table he saw your friend sitting there and looked for you. When he didn’t see you there he didn’t think much of it, you were probably using the bathroom or getting yourself another drink.

“Yes!” he cheered when the machine played that silly tone and ‘VICTORY’ was written on the top.

“I’m never playing with you again.” Nick just shook his head and started walking in the direction of the bar to order round for everyone, because he lost.

When Noah returned to the table you still weren’t there.

“Hi, did Tessa already left?” he asked your friend.

“Oh shit, Tessa!” she panicked and looked over to the table where she was sitting with you. When she started talking with Jolly she thought you’ll see her and come over, but then she completely forgot about you.

Both her and Noah saw you still sitting at the table, but not alone. There was an older man with you. Noah didn’t know how to feel, he wanted to go there and interrupt you, but what if you liked the man and he would just make a fool of himself.

“I'm so stupid, god I need to go there and save her. She’s gonna kill me.” your friend stood up, but Noah was quick and took her forearm and told her to stay there.

“Is there a problem?” Noah approached the table and looked at you.

But before you could speak up the man was quicker “No, we're just talking.”

“Are you?” Noah continued to talk to you. He saw the fear in your eyes and your head shaking ‘no’ just confirmed what he thought.

“So, we’re gonna leave now. If you want to get her a drink so badly I’m sure you won’t mind paying for their tab.” Noah took your hand in his and helped you stand up. He gave that man an ironic smile and led you away.

“Are you okay?” he asked you.

“I’m gonna kill her.” you quickened your pace, but his grip on your hand stopped you.

“Hey, are you okay?” he asked you again and looked at your face. He wanted to hug you, kiss your forehead and tell you he won’t let anyone close to you again so badly, but he knew he couldn’t.

“Yes. Thank you.” you squeezed his hand, the only thing you could do in front of everyone. “But I’m still gonna kill her.”

After your friend apologized like a hundred times and bought you two rounds of shots you swore you would forgive her. But your girl's night was gone when you saw her and Jolly.

“Do you think they’re gonna sleep together?” you asked Noah after you sat down next to him.

“Yep. And it’s either gonna be in the bathroom stall or in his car.”

“What?” you turned to face him with a shocked face.

“He doesn’t take girls home, Jolly is not a man of relationship.” he laughed at your reaction.

You continued watching those two, making jokes about what they could be talking about until they started making out.

“Gross.” you turned your back at them and faced Noah. You looked closely at him, inspecting every part of his face.

“You look nice today.” you complimented him. He was wearing black jeans with black t-shirt and grey overshirt.

“You look beautiful today.” he returned your compliment back and enjoyed watching you blush. His eyes left your face when something behind you caught his attention, “There we go.”

He motioned for you to look too. You saw Jolly and your friend walking in the direction of the bathroom, she was giggling like a schoolgirl.

“Oh god.” you just shook your head.

“Do you want me to take you home?” Noah asked.

“I guess so.” you shrugged your shoulders and looked around the table. Half of the guys already left too and your friend for sure won’t be leaving with you tonight.

“Let’s go.” Noah led you out of the bar, his strong grip on your hand making sure he doesn’t lose you.

When you were outside Noah led you around the corner and before you could ask him where you were going his lips were on yours.

Your hand immediately went to his hair, playing with his soft locks.

“Let me take you to my place.” the words slipped out of Noah’s mouth between kisses.

“Noah.” he heard the uncertainty in your voice and dropped to his knees. Your eyes shot open, “What are you doing?”

“Begging.” he chuckled back at you.

“Get up.”

“No.”

“Noah.”

“Tess.”

You stayed silent and looked down at him. The street lights brought out his facial features and his almond eyes kept looking up at you. You never knew that you’d find a man at your mercy hot.

You leaned down and grabbed his face in your hands and kissed him a few times before you said “Okay.”

He only smiled from the happiness and reached into his back pocket to call a cab for you both.

—

Noah unlocked his door without breaking the heavy making out and once you were inside of his apartment he closed the door and turned you around so your back was against the wooden material.

It was like after you said yes to him, something in Noah woke up and he couldn’t keep his hands off of you.

His hands were everywhere, grabbing your neck, tugging at your hair or squeezing your ass.

Once you got out of the cab and realized where you were going you decided that you’re not going to hold back too.

You slid your hands down his solid chest until you touched the cold material of his belt. Without needing his help you managed to open in and after one messy kiss you pulled away and slid down against the door.

His jeans were down to his ankles and his underwear followed just seconds after. His dick was hard, swollen and already leaking a precum.

You looked up at him and when he saw you from this angle he had to hold himself from not cuming just from looking at you.

Your hands grazed the skin of his thighs and your lips kissed the soft skin of his tummy. You wanted to tease him longer, but your need to touch him was stronger. Your fingers grabbed his hard member and stroked him a few times. That simple movement had Noah going crazy. He imagined how your hand and mouth would feel around him, but the real thing was so much better. He leaned his forehead against the door and kept looking down at you.

When you took him in your mouth you felt his thigh muscles twitch under your hand. You kept switching between sucking and licking long stripes around his throbbing cock. His eyes were closed as he was enjoying the wet warm feeling your mouth provided.

“So good, you’re doing so good Tess.” he muttered through closed teeth.

His hands gripped your hair, gently, as he guided you in the pace he liked. The second you took him deep enough and his tip touched the back of your throat, he knew he had to stop you before he exploded right there in your mouth.

His strong arms reached down and pulled you up. He didn’t give you even a second to react and grabbed your chin to open your mouth so he could slide his tongue inside. When you didn’t protest his hands slid under your ass and he lifted you up in his arms.

“Wait, wouldn’t like to fall with you.” he chuckled as he pulled away from your face to navigate his way through his own apartment.

You took that as a chance to cherish the skin of his neck. You used your tongue and teeth, searching the most sensitive spot to suck on.

You heard him take a sharp breath and mumble something like “Fucking tease.” when you kissed the skin between his jaw and ear. Found it. You made sure to apply the right amount of pressure to get a deep moan out of him. Before you could do more damage to his neck he laid you down on his bed. He stood still by the edge of it and caressed the skin of your knees.

You dragged your feet from his thigh to under his t-shirt. While doing that your eyes never left his.

“Didn’t know you’re such a tease.” he stopped you from moving your feet higher and pulled it out from under his t-shirt. He brought it to his lips and gave you a few kisses before he said “But two can play this game baby.” with a smirk.

He pulled off his t-shirt and you saw his tattooed body for the first time. As he hovered above you you let your eyes shamelessly linger over his chest.

He took his sweet time taking your clothes off, leaving teasing touches everywhere.

He left open mouth kisses on your neck, your moans and whimpers were music to his ears.

He sucked on the soft skin of your breasts and left wet circles around your nipples before he captured one of them in his mouth. He teased it with his tongue, sucking hard but gentle at the same time.

He felt your hips move under him and your hands trying to push him lower on your body, but he remained strong and kept giving his attention to your nipples.

“Noahh.” you moaned his name, but he heard the unspoken “please” in your voice.

“Yeah?” he lifted his head from your chest, smirking at you. Bastard.

“Please.”

“Please what baby?” Please me, you wanted to say but wasn’t bold enough.

“Go lower.” you whispered and he laughed at your sudden shyness.

“Come on, don't tell me you’re shy. Say it.”

“No.”

“Say that you want me to eat your pussy.”

“Noah!” you smacked his chest. “You’re making fun of me, that’s not fair.” you knew he wasn’t really making fun of you.

“I’m gonna make you say it.” he whispered and leaned down to kiss you. Meanwhile his left hand made its way between your legs. He teased the skin of your inner thighs, dragging his fingers painfully slowly, but avoided your core.

His lips left yours and he started kissing you down your neck, between your breasts and followed lower and lower. He was facing your wet pussy and had to hold himself from diving straight in.

He started kissing your lower tummy, your thighs, hip bones and his hands were laying over your waist to keep you from moving your hips.

“Noah please.” you moaned again, wanting to feel his tongue on you.

“Say it.” he repeated again. You didn’t fight back this time, instead you collected all of your courage to let those dirty words out of your angel mouth.

“Eat me out Noah.” it was barely a whisper, but it was all Noah needed to dive in without giving you any warning.

He collected all of your juices with his tongue, feeling pleasure from finally tasting you. Your hands gripped the white sheets that were under you and your mouth was left open. It felt so good.

You dared to look at him between your thighs, almost cuming from the view. His hair was a mess and his eyes closed as he was enjoying it as much as you did.

His tongue worked in skilled motions, licking you from your entrance all the way to your clit where he sucked on it before toying with it with his tongue. You enjoy every lick with closed eyes. He was changing different paces, but when he felt your legs starting to shake around his shoulders he knew you were close and kept the steady rhythm of sucking your clit.

When you came on his tongue, you squeezed him with your legs and your back arched from the mattress.

“Fuck Noah!” you couldn’t help but almost screamed his name, because he made you feel that good.

He kept licking your sensitive pussy even when you tried to push him away.

“Noah.” it was something between a moan and a plea.

“You can give me one more. Come on, pretty girl, I know you can.”

And maybe it was his words of encouragement or the gentle flicks of his tongue that got you back into the bliss that Noah’s mouth on you was.

This time he used his fingers, first to slide them over your center to get them covered in your wetness before he slowly pushed one of them into you.

You couldn’t form any words, your brain fogged with the pleasure he was giving you. He started moving his finger in and out and used his tongue on your clit at the same time.

When he felt your walls squeeze his single finger he decided to add another one and you were sure you saw heaven.

The slow movements of his fingers combined with his wet tongue made you see stars. Almost literally, because the approaching orgasm got you squeezing your eyes so hard you were sure you saw little sparks behind your eyelids.

It took one adjustment of Noah’s fingers, moving them in and out in a different angle and your second orgasm took over you. Noah kept finger fucking you through the aftershocks and kissed the skin on your tummy. When he was sure he got you through the full ride, he kissed his way back to your face.

“Hey.” he said and stroked his fingers over your cheek.

“Hi.” you whispered and pulled him down by his chin.

His saliva was mixed with your juices, making you groan against his lips when you tasted his mouth.

You felt his dick twitch against your tummy and wanted more. You stroked him few times before he said “Fuck, I don’t have any condoms.”

“Are you kidding me?”

“I don’t bring girls over.” you could see a genuine panic on his face. “Do you have one?”

“No, I don’t usually let guys take me to their place.”

Great, at least you both knew that neither of you were fucking new people every week.

“Are you on the pill?” he asked, his voice full of hope.

“No.”

“Fuck.” he groaned and his head fell on your shoulder.

You knew what you’re going to say was very very risky, but you were sure you both wanted it to happen so badly.

“Promise you’ll pull out.”

“What?” his head shot up from your shoulder. “Are you serious?” his face was a mixture of happiness and confusion, because he didn’t believe you’re really going to let him do it.

“Just promise you won’t cum inside.”

“I swear I won’t.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.” you both kept looking at each other for a moment, before you pulled him down for a messy and sloppy kiss.

You felt Noah’s precum on your skin and reached out to line him at your entrance. Before he slid in he looked at you just to make sure you’re okay with it.

When you said “Fuck me Noah.” he fully slid inside you, your wet and warm pussy swallowing him fully.

“Fuck Tessa, you feel so fucking good.” he groaned into your ear and as a reaction your walls squeezed around him.

“You’re so tight.” he didn’t move yet, he enjoyed the feeling of you wrapped around him.

You were the first one to move your hips and since then it was a mess. Noah’s thrusts were messy and his breathing uneven.

His bedroom was filled with moans and the sounds of skin on skin. You felt every single one of his movements and it felt too good.

“I’m not gonna last long like this.” his words were silenced by your skin, but you knew you were close too.

“Then cum Noah.” you whispered in his ear and before he pulled out you slid your hand between your still connected bodies to rub circles on your clit.

Noah sat back on his knees, stroking his own dick, but his eyes were on you. You kept holding eye contact while you were both getting yourself off.

The sounds that Noah made when you felt the warm liquid on your body were ethereal. He lost control of his eyes and they shut closed, his head fell backward and his abs were twitching.

The warm feeling of his orgasm was the last thing you needed to push you over the edge and you enjoyed the third orgasm of the night.

Noah collapsed next to you and said “Give me a minute, I’ll clean you up.”

You just hummed in response and when you saw him lying on his back with his mouth open, you couldn’t help yourself and put your fingers in his mouth. The ones that were rubbing your clit just a minute ago.

He groaned when he tasted you again, cleaning all of your digits with his tongue.

“You’re so fucking hot. I’m never letting you go.” he kissed you on the lips before he got up and went for a towel.

—

Once you were both cleaned up, showered and after a late night snack, you laid back in Noah’s bed.

He gave you his underwear and t-shirt. The clothes smelled like him, just like the sheets of his bedding.

“I was serious.” he pulled you into his side after he found a comfortable position for himself.

“What do you mean?” you rested your hands on his chest and put your head on them, giving yourself better access to look at him.

“About not letting you go.” his hand slid in your hair and you closed your eyes at the comfort of his fingers sliding along your scalp. “I want to date you officially. I’m gonna tell the guys and the captain. If you want to, of course.”

You opened your eyes and caught him staring at you. You couldn’t see properly under the dim lights, but you could swear you saw pink on his cheeks.

“I’d like to date you officially too lieutenant.” you saw his lips turn into the biggest smile, your own following right after.

You crawled up his body and straddled his lap. “It’s official then, you’re my girlfriend.” he whispered against your lips.

“And you’re my boyfriend.” you felt like a teenager who just got asked by her crush to be his girlfriend, but you liked it. You felt like he was worth the chance to risk the mix between work and love.

“But don’t call me lieutenant again or we’re gonna have to deal with something else.” so that’s how you found out that he likes to be called lieutenant in bed.

“Yeah about that, can we buy an after pill tomorrow? Just to be sure.” you turned your voice to a serious tone.

—

It took you a while to fall asleep, the excitement making it harder. Noah didn’t let go of you, so you fell asleep cuddled together.

You felt safe in his arms. His breath tickled at the back of your neck in steady breaths. Until they were not steady at all.

You woke up before him from the tightening grip on your body. His breaths were quick and uneven, his body was shaking and he was mumbling something you couldn’t understand.

His nightmares, you remembered.

You tried to wake him up, shaking his body gently and calling out his name, but nothing happened.

He was still tossing around, his brows furrowed and his hair became wet from the sweat.

“Noah please, wake up.” you begged him, but you were sure he couldn’t hear you.

You didn’t know what to do, how to help him.

You raised your voice, scared that the neighbours might hear you, but you had to.

You took his arms and tried to stop him from moving around and kept repeating his name over and over, each time louder than before.

Finally, his eyes shot open and he took a deep breath in. He sat up and looked around the room.

“You’re okay.” you calmed your voice, not sure if touching him immediately was the right thing to do.

His eyes finally softened when he realized he’s in his bed and with you. His head hung low and his chest was still going up and down. He wasn’t ashamed that you witnessed it, but he was scared it might scare you off.

“Can I touch you?” you asked and he just nodded his head.

You slowly laid him down on your chest and put the covers over both of you.

“Do you want to talk about it?” you asked and caressed his head.

“No.” firm and straight answer.

“Okay.” you thought before saying the next sentence, “I know you don’t want to hear it, but I have to say it. Not as the department’s therapist, but as someone who you let this close. You need to talk about it Noah. I can give you John’s number, because I’m sure you know that from now on I can’t handle your therapy. If you’re not gonna do it for yourself, do it for me, please.”

Silence took over the room and Noah thought about your words. He knew you were right, he just didn’t want to go back to that call. Not voluntarily.

“Okay.” he whispered into the dark, but it was enough for you, for now.

He didn’t expect to end your first night together like this, but he was exhausted from the terrible nightmare that he let you hold him until he fell asleep again.

—

“I just told the guys.” your phone buzzed with a new message from Noah.

“And how did it go?”

“As expected, they don’t really give a fuck.”

“On my way to tell the captain now.”

You bit your lip after reading that. You just got an email that said you are officially permanent at station 25. You were really hoping to get stationed at a different station so it would be easier for you and Noah.

You were anxiously looking at your phone, waiting for Noah’s next message. You were sure that the captain of 25 knew the news too and you really wanted to tell Noah yourself. Too late for that.

Instead of another message your phone lit up with an incoming call from Noah.

“Hi.” you said quietly after picking the phone.

“When did you plan on telling me?”

“Noah I got the email 30 minutes ago, I wanted to tell you when I see you.”

“So you let me go and tell the captain that we’re dating when you knew he knew and I didn’t?”

“I’m sorry I panicked.” there was a silence from Noah’s side. “I’m really sorry.”

“Well you’re lucky the captain said it’s not a problem if it doesn’t affect our work and that I’m happy I’ll be seeing you more often.”

“I’m pretty happy about that too.”

“So when are you starting?”

“On Monday.”

—

Monday came quicker than you thought. You spent the whole weekend at Noah’s place and thanks to his shift being on Monday too, he gave you a ride to work.

“I could get used to this.” you said when he leaned over the center console to give you a kiss before you left the car.

You parted your ways and you went straight for your new office. Now that it was permanently yours you thought about doing some changes.

Before you could think about what colored frames you’re going to buy there was a knock on your door.

“Come in.” you yelled.

“Hi.” Nick came in and gave you one of his smiles.

“Hey. Do you need anything?”

“No, I just came here to give you a warm welcome. We’re lucky to have you.” he pulled you in a hug and you were suddenly really happy that you got assigned to station 25.

“Thank you.”

“So, you and Noah?” he pulled away and wiggled his eyebrows at you.

They were long time friends and even though he liked you, he wanted to be sure that you’re not going to break Noah’s heart and make work hell for both of you.

—

The rest of the week went smoothly, there were only two calls with B shift that you had to be part of. Otherwise your first week as a member of the station 25 crew went great.

You spent some of the nights at Noah’s place, others at your place by yourself. You were in the honeymoon stage so you wanted to be together 24/7, but also agreed that it’s only healthy to spend some time apart.

You and Noah sneaked around the station like teenage kids, thinking that no one could see you, but they all did.

“Noah, we're gonna get caught.” you told him as he yanked you by your hand to the closest storage of extra fire equipment.

“Not if you’re gonna be quiet.” he whispered, leaning down to kiss you.

His lips started to feel like home and comfort, especially after you haven’t spent a few days together. You wanted nothing more than to take him home and hide under the covers. But his 24 hour shift only started.

“I miss you.” his lips were now kissing under your ear, sending shivers down your body when he whispered those sweet words to you.

“I miss you too.” you closed your eyes and gave him more space while leaning your head back. He was very quick to learn all of your sensitive spots.

“Tomorrow at my place?”

“Mhm.” you agreed just with a nod and brought his lips to yours.

You let your hands wander on his body, solid and soft at the same time. You took his t-shirt off to have a better access to his soft skin.

His hands went for your belt, he was determined to make the most out of the moment of privacy you had.

You let him pull them down along with your panties and reached out to lock the door.

He dropped to his knees and lifted your leg over his bare shoulder. He didn’t waste time with kisses and bites to your soft skin like he always does, he’s going to take his sweet time with you tomorrow.

“Oh Noah.” you had to put your own hand on your mouth to silence your moans. His tongue was on your clit and his arms were wrapped around legs to steady you.

Before your hand could tug at his hair, sirens started blaring through the station.

“For fucks sake.” he mumbled, still between your thigs. He kissed your clit for the last time before he pulled his t-shirt back on and before he was out of the door he said “Gonna finish this later.”

You managed to wipe his chin that was covered in you and then the door closed behind him. You pulled your clothes back on and when you were sure everyone was gone you opened the storage door and ran back to your office.

—

You were part of 25 for 3 weeks now and it was probably the best part of your career so far. You have never been part of any station, it was always the main administration building with no on call firefighters.

You enjoyed the new atmosphere, the adrenalin and the laughs that came with working here daily.

Noah has been amazing and sometimes you thought the reality was too good to be true. You two were going on dates or spent your time cuddled at home, but everything seemed to be fun when Noah was with you.

You had your morning ritual for days when Noah left earlier than you for work or on weekends when you were not working. Dating a firefighter comes with lots of stress, especially if you’re also part of the department. You know what can happen and that no tomorrow is promised when he’s at work.

He hated it when you started doing it, but when you told him your reasons, he let you. You made him promise to wake you up every time before he leaves, you spend a few minutes cuddling or have a quick coffee together before he leaves. You’ve seen way too many wives crying over their husbands, hating themself for “I didn’t tell him I love you this morning.” and you didn’t want to risk anything.

Neither of you have said I love you yet, but you were sure for some time now that you do love him. You were just building up the courage to tell him.

—

You were in the middle of a conference call when the station’s alarms started blaring through the building.

“Structure fire at orphanage at Guardian road. Children and staff inside. Crisis Intervention Team requested. Respond immediately. Structure fire at orphanage at Guardian road. Children and staff inside. Crisis Intervention Team requested. Respond immediately.”

When you heard the mention of the crisis intervention team you logged out of the call and ran down.

The guys were already jumping in their gears and starting the trucks. You grabbed the fireproof jacket and pants that were mandatory for you to wear on calls with “MONROE” written on its back.

You followed Dean, who was working with you today, and sat beside him in the engine truck.

You scanned the crew on board and didn’t see Noah there, he was in the ladder then.

Your captain rode with you and gave you more instructions as you were on the way to the scene.

"Some of the staff and kids are already out. Station 35 is already on scene, and Captain of 35 is in charge. Follow his instructions. The priority is to get the rest of the individuals out and extinguish the fire. Tessa and Dean, you’re assigned to work with Station 35 on those who have already been evacuated. Copy that?"

All of you yelled “copy” back at him and you heard muffled voices over the radio from your other truck. At the scene you quickly jumped out of the cars and everyone got to work. Noah was extinguishing the fire from outside alongside a few others and the crew from 35. Nick ran into the building as a head of evac. Your attention was on the small group of kids and two women. They were being treated by the medical team and you approached to help. You were treating small injuries and engaged in conversation with those poor kids. Most of them were crying from feeling scared and from losing the little belongings they had inside that building. You were trying to calm them down, even if they wanted a hug or a kiss to their forehead, you didn’t mind doing that. All of them went through a lot at this young age and seeing a place they called home on fire was hard for them. More kids and staff were evacuated from the building by Nick and his crew. “There’s two more, but they don’t want to leave their room.” you heard behind your back. “Grab someone from the crisis intervention team and get them out.” the captain of 35 barked back. “No one is trained for that sir.” one of the firefighters told him. “Monroe, come here!” the captain called your name. “Yes sir?” “Grab an oxygen mask and follow lieutenant Smith, you’re needed inside.” “Sir I’m not trained for going inside of the building.” you started to feel panic, searching the crowd for your captain, but he must’ve been fighting the fire alongside his men. “We have to save lives and if they don’t want to come out, we have to get to them. Grab a mask and go!” he yelled in your face. You didn’t have any support, because around you were just firefighters from 35 and they didn’t know you really were not trained to run inside. “Sir with all respect I can’t go th-” “You either get inside and save those kids or you don’t have a job tomorrow.” what an asshole. One of the firefighters helped you with the oxygen mask and helmet and motioned for you to follow him. You looked around the chaotic place and saw guys from your crew, hoping they'd notice where you were going and stop it, but neither of them would’ve thought it was you under the oxygen mask.

“They’re on the first floor.” Smith told you over the radio ran upstairs and you followed him. It was your first time seeing fire from this side. You were always standing outside, watching from a safe distance. When you reached the closed doors Smith pointed at them, signaling for you to do your job. “Can anyone hear me?” you yelled. “Yes!” two little voices called back from the other side of the door. “Can you open the door?” “No!” they yelled back. “Okay, stand back so when we kick the door open it won’t hit you okay?” “Okay!” you nodded to Smith that he can use his strength to open the door, because you were no help for that. Once he kicked the door open everything happened so fast. You saw two little boys in the corner of the room, holding hands and hugging each other. Their eyes were full of fear and hope at the same time. Before you had a chance to reach out your hands the roof collapsed and you saw black. You couldn’t open your eyes and your breathing became more difficult. You could hear the boys crying and Smith saying “Two men down, I repeat two men down! Two civilians with us!” before you blacked out completely.

After that another group of firefighters ran inside to save the four of you. One of them grabbed the two boys and ran back up, another one helped Smith to stand up and leave. Then you felt your body being lifted and you knew you were safe. Hopefully without any injuries too.

“Is that Tess?” Nick yelled to his captain when he saw your body being laid on the ground and your oxygen mask taken off. “What the fuck was she doing inside?” he quickly ran to you, leaving Nick behind.

At that point Noah started looking for you at the medical tent, worried when he didn’t see you there. “Hey, have you seen Monroe?” he asked one of the helping firefighters. “Cap sent her inside.” Noah’s heart stopped for a second. What did he mean inside? There’s no way he would send you inside of a building that’s on fire.

He quickly ran back to the scene and saw your captain kneeling next to you. He forgot about all the promises that your relationship won’t affect your work and his boyfriend's mood kicked in. “Why the fuck was she inside?” he yelled when he hovered over your body. “I don’t know Sebastian, calm down. Don’t make a scene.” your captain told him. He understood he was worried, but for the sake of both of your jobs he tried to calm him down. “Don’t make a scene? Are you fucking kidding me?” he yelled again, louder this time. He dropped to his knees next to you and grabbed your head in his hands. Someone already put an oxygen mask on your face and checked your breathing. “It’s probably just smoke inhalation Noah.” And the captain was probably right, but Noah was still pissed. “Come on wake up Tess.” he begged you, “Please wake up.” After what he has been through he didn’t care if it was just a smoke inhalation, he hated seeing you like this. He couldn’t bear the thought of something happening to you, not right now when he finally started to feel happy. “Baby please.” he leaned down to kiss your motionless face. “Please.” he cried into your hair.

Noah’s face and his wet cheeks were the first thing you saw when you finally gained consciousness. “Noah.” you whispered and lifted your hand to wipe his tears. “Oh thank god!” he pulled you in a hug and didn’t want to let go. Ever. “Let’s hand her over to the paramedics, Sebastian.” the captain said, happy to see you conscious too. Noah lifted you in his arms and carried you over to the ambulance. He couldn’t drive with you to the hospital where they decided to take you for a check up. “I’m gonna pick you up okay?” he gave you one last kiss before he jumped out of the back door and closed them. “Is she gonna be okay?” Nick asked, his voice full of worry. “Yeah, they said she passed out from the smoke inhalation. They’re gonna keep her overnight though.” before Nick could say he’s sorry Noah continued “Where’s the incident commander?” “Noah don’t be stupid.” Nick knew Noah well, he knew he was about to beat the shit out of that guy. “Do you know where he is?” Noah repeated his question and when Nick didn’t give him an answer he went to look for him himself.

“Captain Wilson!” Noah yelled when he spotted the man he was looking for. “Yes?” “Do you think it’s okay to send untrained staff inside a building that’s on a fucking fire?” Noah raised his voice. “Stand back lieutenant.” Wilson warned Noah. “You should stand back if that’s how you treat your people. She’s not trained to be a firefighter and she got hurt because you sent her inside!” he pointed his finger to the older man. “It was an accident.” that man didn’t seem like it bothered him at all. “An accident?” Noah closed the gap between them and was now standing chest to chest with him. “Noah.” he felt hand on his arm pulling him away. “I know you want to beat his ass, but he’s not worth it.” Jolly said in a low voice so only Noah could hear him. Noah kept staring at that man and with every breath he took he felt the anger inside him grow bigger. “I’m not letting this go, I’ll file a complaint against you.” and with that Noah turned around and stormed away.

—

“I’m glad you’re feeling better Tessa.” your captain told you after you sat down in one of the chairs in his office. Noah did the same beside you. “Thank you cap.”

You were released after 12 hours from the hospital and Noah took it as his own mission to keep an eye on you. He took you to his place and laid you down in his bed. You were happy when he let you use the bathroom by yourself and you had to beg him not to take a day off from his next shift. Your body was a bit bruised from the frames that fell on you, but other than that you felt fine. You were not back at work, you still had a few days for full recovery, but today you two were called to the captain's office.

“Your complaint was accepted and is currently under review. Someone will contact you for your testimony next week.” “Okay sir.” “Now, let’s talk about why I called you both here.” he shifted in his chair, visibly uncomfortable about the topic he wanted to discuss. “I don’t mean any of this in a bad way, but what happened after that incident can’t happen again. You can’t threaten an incident commander Noah, he outranks you.” “But it was his fault.” Noah protested. “It was, I agree with you. Someone from my crew has been hurt because of his orders and I hate that more than anyone. But your reaction was wrong.”

The fact was that both you and Noah knew it. He confessed what he did, because you didn’t believe him when he said he did nothing. He was a terrible liar, he was looking everywhere but in your eyes and kept fiddling with his fingers.

“I apologize.” Noah mumbled and avoided any eye contact. “I’m not gonna punish you for it, but I just wanted you both to hear it from me. Things like this can’t happen okay? Keep your feelings at home and work like colleagues. Let’s avoid any trouble, because I like you both and I don’t want to lose any of you just because you can’t control yourself. Human resources are not happy about you two, so please, try not to mess this up for all of us.” he didn’t leave any space for a discussion and dismissed both of you.

Noah walked you to your car that was parked in front of the station. “Are you mad?” he asked, you already told him many times that you were not mad, but it seems like he has a hard time believing you. “Why would I be mad at my boyfriend for standing up for me?” when you said it like that he finally cracked a smile and looked less worried. “See you tomorrow?” he leaned down to kiss you before he had to go back inside. “Yeah, mine or yours?” “I’ll drive to yours if that’s okay?” “Of course it is.”

You gave him a few more kisses, on his forehead, nose, cheeks and lips. Something that always made him smile. He waited until you backed out of the parking space and you saw him standing there in your rearview mirror until you turned right. You knew what Noah did was wrong, but you still appreciated the gesture of standing up for you when you couldn’t do it for yourself.

You drove yourself to your place, ready to spend the next few days in bed until you’re allowed to go back to work.

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

This story is a work of fiction, with the plot and characters entirely made up. The appearance and name of the main male character are inspired by Noah Sebastian Davis, but the storyline bears no connection to the real person. Please do not steal or repost this work on other platforms without permission.

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