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dreaminginthedeepsouth · 7 months ago

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THE WIND HAS CHANGED

TCINLA

APR 19, 2024

Think of America as an 18th Century sailing ship - think of it as “Old Ironsides”! - the ship has been becalmed in The Doldrums (that area of the planet where the winds shift from one hemisphere to the other without rhyme or reason) for a long time. The citizen crew are seeing the food supplies drop; the water in the barrels looks increasingly “fishy”. They have manned the longboats to try and tow the ship to “catch the wind” for many days, but to no result.

And then, on a day indistinguishable from any other, there comes a moment...

The Top Royal sail on the foremast flaps. Flaps again. And again...

The spar of the Mainsail on the mainmast creaks slightly as it turns...

The other high sails flap...

The crew watch the sails, intent. Can it be?

And suddenly the sails begin to fill with the wind!

It grows stronger - the lower sails fill.

And the ship begins to move again. Slowly, slowly gaining speed.

She turns in the new direction.

The sails fill in the wind, a magnificent sight.

Old Ironsides gets underway in Boston Harbor - May 21, 2021

I was talking with my counselor during our weekly call yesterday, and she asked me what I was thinking about the current political situation. (This was before the Ukraine aid votes in the House last night) I said that as I see it, the tide is turning, the wind is picking up. Nothing really big (like I said, this was before the Ukraine vote, which is Yuuuuuugge!), but all the little indicators are turning the same direction.

It’s like after the Battle of Midway - the enemy is still strong, still dangerous, but the gutting they received in the fight opened the space for America to take action at Guadalcanal that led to the Japanese never taking offensive action during the war again.

Yes, this November is our “Guadalcanal,” or as we call it here at TAFM after the series on that battle was posted last year, our “American Stalingrad.”

The MAGA movement got splintered last night, and I for one don’t think they have the skill to put Humpty-Dumpty together again. (How’s that for mixed metaphors? Good?)

For one thing, J.D. Vance, Moscow Marge, and the rest of the Space Laser Putin Caucus, got thrown under the bus by Fearless Leader last night - who may not be able to do much, but he can read polls. He knows the wind has shifted, that the wind is filling the sails and we are beginning to move out of The Doldrums. He knows he’s losing control.

After last night, Ukraine aid will pass. Mike Johnson and Mitch McConnell braved the FART (Floor Action Response Team) of the Space Laser Putin Caucus and Did The Right Thing.

Trump gave Mike Johnson and Mitch McConnell the green light, while at the same time casting J.D. Vance, Marjorie Taylor-Greene, and the rest of the Russia Traitors over the side.

The essential line of Trump’s “Truthing” post last night is this: “As everyone agrees, Ukraine Survival and Strength should be much more important to Europe than to us, but it is also important to us!” (Emphasis mine)

He’s not doing this because he cares about Ukraine; he’s doing this because the polls are shifting; he needs fewer hassles. The wind is changing.

He’s doing this because his team knows there are a lot of 1st and 2nd generation Eastern European voters in Michigan, Wisconsin, and Pennsylvania; because even with conservative Republicans, Putin’s approval rating is in single digits.

One of the greatest legacies of breaking the MAGA movement on this issue is that no one loses in this deal:

Ukraine gets weapons. Putin gets hammered. Americans get jobs.

Trumpism - particularly its J.D. Vance-led German-American Bund Putinism - is a pessimistic creed. As Trump says, “We’re the stupid ones.” MAGA is a movement of decline, weakness, of dark forces draining America’s power. Trump and the Space Laser Caucus tell their supporters “We need to retreat, withdraw, hide, and let regional warlords like Putin reign over as much territory as they can seize.”

But what last night showed is it’s okay to win. It’s okay to believe in a just and right cause.

Hee, now, Ukraine is that cause.

This is a contest between Russia, Iran, North Korea, and their banker China, who are desperate to beat the demographic and political clock as their kleptocratic and demagogic systems collapse.

The West, and the Pacific democracies are struggling just to make the world stable while they confront a sweeping array of challenges.

Europe didn’t want this fight, but they know what happens if Russia wins.

It’s taken awhile to fully understand the depth of Putin’s ambition to reassemble the Soviet Union without the stupid communism. Almost everyone gets it now.

This is the world’s fight. Putin must be defeated.

The flow of arms to Ukraine will move quickly. The F-16s are about to deploy. The anti-air and artillery supplies will be restocked.

Most importantly - to me at least - my Ukrainian friends are going to survive.

MAGA broke something in the House. Retirements are up. Swing seats are in danger. The endless infighting has soured many “normie” Republicans on the Space Laser Caucus and their strategy of screaming, throwing feces like a rabid monkey in a zoo, and all the performative lying. Even in the right-wing media bubble, the act has gotten old.

Fox has had enough of Marjorie Traitor Goon’s tantrums, her unearned sense of entitlement, and her political terrorism.

The perverse incentives of MAGA rewarded the Space Laser Caucus while leaving the rest - or at least those not representing the most ruby-red districts - fearing electoral survival this fall.

It turns out that shitting in the punchbowl is unwelcome over time. The tell is that Fox has slowly stopped booking the MAGA clowns while Rupert and Lachlan try to find and anoint the Next Star after their major fakakte with Desantis.

Gaetz has burned every conceivable bridge. He may think he can run in and win the Florida Governor’s race, but with a vengeful Kevin McCarthy and an even more vengeful Casey DeSantis in the wings, he’s about to “go through some things.” Last night, ABC News reported, “Matt Gaetz attended 2017 party where minor and drugs were present, woman’s sworn statement obtained by Congress claims.”

Lauren Bobert’s star has disappeared. She’s going to lose a race in the most Republican congressional district in Colorado. Jim Comer is now Jaime Raskin’s public punching bag, so stupid that he still actually believes his own BS.

The House GOP is now staring down the barrel of a political gun; there is no joy in Mudville.

Happy warriors like Jamie Raskin, Jared Moskowitz, Eric Swalwell, Jasmine Crockett and others know who is in charge in the House now.

Chuck Schumer managed to keep his caucus together, pulling in some GOP support, as the Senate schooled the Space Laser Caucus about their impeachment clown show of the House. No high drama; just procedural murder

What has been going on at 100 Centre Street in New York City, where Trump is finally facing the prospect of justice for his crimes in a case that now is seen as far more important than it was originally, is also a good sign the tide and wind are changing.

Attorneys selected the final alternate juror in former President Donald Trump’s hush money case this morning, paving the way for opening arguments to begin next week. Everything moved much faster this week than anyone expected.

The Washington Post reported this morning: “A top leader of the national conservative group Turning Point Action, which has amplified false claims of election fraud by former president Donald Trump and others, resigned Thursday after being accused of forging voter signatures on official paperwork so that he could run for reelection in the Arizona House.”

As David Kurtz put it today at TPM, “We are seeing random citizens who are imbued with an innate understanding of what the rule of law means. That civic-minded understanding of the rule of law is the bedrock foundation for the legal structures we erect upon it. Without it, we have nothing. It’s a small sign of hope in a troubled time.” It is indeed!

This is a moment that reminds me of events aboard USS Enterprise on December 7, 1941.

Admiral Halsey had just poured himself a second cup of coffee when his aide dashed into the cabin. “Admiral, there’s an air raid on Pearl!” and informed him of Enterprise aviators being attacked by enemy aircraft over Oahu. Halsey’s first thought was that the Army’s readiness exercise was taking things too far. He leapt to his feet, telling his aide to radio Kimmel that the Army was “shooting down my own boys!” A second aide entered moments later with a message direct from Admiral Kimmel: “AIR RAID PEARL HARBOR X THIS IS NO DRILL.”

Officer of the Deck Lieutenant John Dorsett ordered General Quarters. Nineteen-year old Seaman Jim Barnill, one of Enterprise’s four buglers, sounded the staccato notes of “Boots and Saddles.” Twenty-eight year old First Class Bosun’s Mate Max Lee played his pipe over the 1MC then called “General Quarters! General Quarters! All hands man your battle stations!” Lee’s enlistment was almost up. After the war, he remembered that he then turned to OOD Dorsett and said “We’re at war and I’ll never get out of the Navy alive.”

Dick Best remembered coming onto the flight deck shortly after general quarters had been called and looking up at the island. “The first thing I saw was the biggest American flag I had ever seen, flying from the masthead and whipping in the wind. It was the most emotional sight of the war for me.”

The December 7, 1941 Enterprise Flag

#TCinLA #substack #articles #political

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delta-gambit-au · 4 months ago

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I got somewhat emotional today

To be honest, when I joined for the first time the Art Fight of this year, I only expected myself to do the first attacks and get some kind defences or revenges, to hone my art skills and make some new friends in the process with any luck. But because of my sad situation with the computer that disables my tablet that I also used as screen, I can't do art properly. You don't know my surprise when I was checking my socials and I saw that someone made an "attack" on me on the website today, and when I saw what it was, I couldn't contain my tears.

Perhaps I'm a softie or something, but really, I didn't expect someone I barely knew to draw something for me without me doing the deed first 👉👈 And to top it all, as how things are going, it really is the first "fanart" I get of the characters of my AU, so the surprise was deeper for me, and I melted in the process, because it was not a single character but both of them in the same picture which is really optional but 🍏(hope you don't mind the ping @indecisive-vermin ) just made my day (or even my entire month) by drawing Spam and Sears together and... asdkjhfgkdajgfshfdgñ I don't know how to express my gratitude for that 💝

Because I'm waiting for the original author to post it on his blog first so that I can reblog it and give the credit accordingly, I can't upload it directly here. His style is loveable and colourful, a nice treat for the eyes 👁️

And well, bear in mind that all fanarts I receive of my AU will be featured in the gallery inside the game when it gets done. I'll reach to the authors by then to ask them for permission to be added to the game as special mentions.

And as for other updates, the tracker says the new PSU will arrive around the 10th, but I'm afraid that Customs will withhold it for a little longer because of the category of item and the price. I'll just have my fingers extra crossed that nothing blocks me from that replacement for this old computer.

Also, no news about our employer. The 3rd another test was requested and completed, but I believe because of the 4th of July, maybe we'll not get any news from them until next Monday. The waiting is killing us... like, we're awaiting for any response from the 3 employers to see if we're any lucky to land on any of them. Feels like we'll spend this weekend job hunting again because one should have always something in the backburner just in case the current 3 fails to contact us with a "YES U HIRED" by Monday. The interviews and the tests are long so, the quicker you get them done, the better. Man, being an 🦄 is hard in this industry...

But, PERSEVERE WE SHALL 🥊

Yesterday I got to ponder on the designs of the Tasquelings. What it's giving me a bit of headache is the design of their parlourmaid suits and how that will interface with their bodies -- if to give them the classic uniform like the Swatchlings has their own butler uniforms, or to give them something unique... I had a mind of adding a Roomba companion to them for floor cleaning, while the Tasqueling works on something else in the guests rooms. Should I add cat ears to the Roomba? Decisions decisions 🤔In a sense while encountering the Tasquelings you should "fight" against the Tasqueling and a Roomba. I think I should stylize the name of the Roomba because of copyrights... Purrmba? HAH, I think that fits if I add the cat ears to it 😁

#RL updates #art fight 2024 #loveable art surprises #being an unicorn developer is suffering...#character design and giving names

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iheartgarrus · 2 years ago

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N7 Month Day 28: Recruit

(AO3 Link - I'm so close to the finish line!! Didn't mean to fall a day behind but yesterday was A Day. Anyway, a peek into my weird combo backstory for my Shepard in the form of a scene between Hannah and Anderson. Heads up for child custody issues and mention of being a teen parent. Cut is for length.)

”Lieutenant Anderson, sir.” The newly minted Serviceman Third Class Hannah Shepard saluted as the door to the Alliance recruitment office slid shut behind her.

Anderson nodded from his desk. “At ease, Serviceman. Glad to see you survived boot camp.”

Shepard relaxed her stance. “It was a proud moment, sir. I’ve been assigned my first posting aboard the SSV Einstein.”

"Ah, with Captain Okilo," he said leaning back in his chair. "She's a good woman to serve under. But I assume you're here for a reason, Shepard."

"Yes, sir. I have…" She hesitated, but pushed forward. "I have a request."

"Go ahead."

Shepard's gaze went to the floor for a moment before she remembered herself and refocused on Anderson. "I need a letter that confirms my status in the Alliance, along with my salary, benefits, and posting."

This wasn't a particularly odd request, but Shepard seemed… ashamed? He leaned forward with his elbows on his desk, hands folded near his chin. "I can put in the request," he said, "but proof of enlistment letters are transmitted directly to the entity requesting them, not to the enlistee. So I'll need that contact info."

Her face fell. "O-Oh. Well if…" She opened her omni-tool, brows knit, and her finger paused over the interface before she sucked in a breath and passed the information over. "Okay. Here." Protocol all but abandoned, this time when she cast her eyes downward, she didn't look back up.

And when Anderson looked at what she had sent, he began to understand why. "Department of Child and Family Services - Van Buren Street Office," he read out loud.

"Yes, sir," Shepard replied, sounding very small.

He watched her carefully. He knew a delicate matter when he saw one, and maybe he was meant to be the strict, unyielding officer with this new recruit, but he also knew that one of the most common reasons that people enlisted with the Alliance was that it was their ticket out of a desperate situation. He’d sensed that with Hannah Shepard from the start, but it seemed it went even deeper than he’d thought.

He stood and rounded the desk to lean against it in front of her. She finally looked up at him again, but he could see that it was a strain not to avoid eye contact. “You told me you had a daughter when you first came in here,” he said slowly, “but it sounds like there are some… complications.”

She swallowed hard. “Yes, sir.”

“You don’t have to tell me anything more than that, Shepard. In fact, legally speaking, I’m not even supposed to ask. But I want to help, if I can. A letter signed by an Alliance officer is more effective than a standard ‘To Whom It May Concern’ in cases like this, and the more I know, the better.”

Shepard let out a long breath, closing her eyes for just a moment. “Thank you, sir.” Her voice was steadier now.

He simply nodded. “What’s your daughter’s name?”

She smiled, though not without pain. “Viola.”

“And how old is she?” He picked up a datapad from the desk to make notes.

“She’s 15.”

Anderson raised a brow - he’d been expecting an answer at least 10 years below that. Shepard would’ve been just a teenager when she gave birth. Suddenly, her situation was starting to make a lot more sense. “When did you last have custody?”

A sigh that made his heart heavy escaped her. “When she was 5,” Shepard said. “I… kept trying but it wasn’t…”

“You don’t have to explain yourself to me, Shepard. You're not the first desperate soul to come to the Alliance for the sake of their family.” He paused to flick through the files on the datapad. “Your drill sergeants had plenty good to say about you.”

Her eyes widened, “Really?”

Anderson chuckled. “It’s their job to make it seem like the opposite. But I have enough here to write DCFS something strong. It’s ultimately up to them, but…”

Shepard shook her head, her expression tight as she held back tears. “Thank you, sir.”

#mass effect #n7month #n7 month 2022 #hannah shepard #david anderson #viola shepard #fanfic #my work

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agent-bash · 2 years ago

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Does your line of work every make your mind go to super dark places when you see behind the scenes pics for PD and other shows? I’m an ED nurse, and have been freaking out internally about those sweatpants since the pics dropped. I hope it doesn’t mean what I know it can, but I won’t lie and say I don’t have a pit in my stomach now.

Alright, so I’ve gotten this ask, obviously. I addressed it without posting yesterday, and it sparked a few others asking for the “dark theory.” I took some time to assemble thoughts and debate whether I really wanted to put it out there or not. Then someone else pointed out to me that they’d had the same thought, so here we go. I’m going to preface this by saying this is not a theory. It was just a thought. A fleeting thought at that. We all have those. And they're usually coloured by our experiences, like our job.

Tagged out the wazoo and under the cut because we’re about to get very uncomfortable here. So be mindful of that and tread carefully, please.

I’m sure it comes as no surprise that I see bad things on my job. So too, would our Nurse friend here. It’s our reality and something that’s glossed over when people talk about our jobs. Even when we talk about our jobs. So Reality: if you want to become a first responder, know that you will hear things we can’t unhear and you will see things we can’t unsee. And sometimes, even an innocuous thing, can trigger a darker associated thought or memory. But cooler heads prevail and actual thoughts come through. But still we can’t unthink that darker idea, as much as we may wish to.

So how does that take us to 10x20 and a very dark thought? Again, a thought. Not a theory. Never a theory. I don’t want to see it. It’s quite simple.

In my line of work, blood stains on the rear of someone’s pants, like we see the wardrobe guys putting on Hailey’s sweatpants, more often than not mean one thing. A violent sexual assault.

Literally only once, in almost ten years on the job, as a stain like that on a patient, not been because of sexual assault or worse. So that is what first, tragically, crossed my mind when I saw those pants. Now when I first saw the pics of those pants, I didn't know they were (likely) Hailey's.

So is Hailey being sexually assaulted (again) or worse, a thought that crossed my mind? Yes, in a roundabout way I guess. Do I think it will be that? No. As I said, it was an initial thought until the asks started coming in; it went no further. And I really don’t think the show will go there. And here’s why:

It would be so ruthlessly dark for the writers to go that route. It’s already been a pretty heavy season for Hailey, emotionally and physically. And while I think the episode will also be hard and heavy, on her (and us). This? It’s way too much.

And luckily, the show's history is on my side here a bit. Sexual assault to our mains is something they’ve largely shied away from. Yes, we know Hailey has been sexually assaulted. But that was a tell, not a show. It was in the past. It happened before we met her. It's still awful. It's still an experience she had. But it's not one we got to see and experience with her. And that's what's kind of important here. This idea of telling, not showing, a past (that we don't actually see,) not a present (at any point of the show where we will), seems to be at the tiptop of their comfort level with storylines, for the main characters.

A reoccurring character? Fair game. We’ve seen it twice. Cases? No, duh, it's a cop drama. But to the main characters? So far, and that far? Thankfully a no. Hopefully always a no.

There are other ways for the blood to get there. Transfer the most obvious. Hailey will sit in, fall in, or be knocked into a blood smear. Is it her own? I'm gonna go with probably. What is the exact situation? No idea! I heard something about MMA-type fighters being cast, and I believe it was for this episode, so I'm going with underground fight club, which no lie was a fic idea I was toying with a while back. We'll find out in a couple weeks.

So yeah, call it a dark theory if you want. For sure a dark, very dark thought. But not something at all, I think, is likely to happen. The worst of worse-case scenarios.

#Asked and answered #Chicago PD spoilers #tw: blood #tw: assault #Tw: violence #Just all the trigger warnings #Read at your own risk

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wtftarot · 4 months ago

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Review of "Five Card, Indepth Reading on Career" (7/20/24)

LISTEN UP Y'ALL, Ash's intuition is not to be fucked around with. Even without me posing a specific Tarot question related to career, she picked up SO MUCH that even I am shookth and in AWE of the absolute amount of specific details she picked up: past, present, future, even more "mundane" details (like Spirit telling me to get into a specific niche hobby I've been putting off)! 😂

The full dirty details (Warning: in ADHD word vomit form) are down below in terms of how MUCH got picked up if you're somehow curious/nosy of what went down in my personal reading. ☕

For those with less time to mull over the specific proof, here's the TLDR; version of my review of Ash's tarot services:

Ash's tarot readings are piercingly insightful, accurate, and reliable. She delivered the reading (and my requested pictures of the cards!!!) in a timely, friendly manner (hell, even within the next morning upon yesterday's payment?!). Best $13 I ever spent, especially given other pricer readings I've seen in and outside of Tumblr.

Definitely give her a try, cause while she'll be honest about what she finds, she's also no monster in what she delivers either. Definitely wanna order another reading from her again when the calling is right. All in all, her readings are good medicine for the soul, I would say! 💪🤩

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Excerpt of My Live Reaction Upon Receiving my Reading (LMAO, so sorry Ash, I word vomited all over your DMs 😂):

Holy fucking crap. I'll be sure to save your reading and the pictures, to post it on a wall somewhere to remind myself by! No regrets buying your five card indepth reading cause like I said, HOLY. CRAP?!!

Cause real talk, Ash: you picked up on a LOT more than I expected even without me giving you a specific question related to my career! 🤯

As for things that stood out to me in terms of your uncanny accuracy and wisdom, I'll try to keep them in specific order of the cards [Warning: Enthusiastic ADHD Word Vomit Ahead]:

1.) For the 6 of Pentacles: It's funny you took certain specific words right out of my mouth. I had this exact thought to myself yesterday upon ordering the reading and on a whim, decided to use some of extra funds towards donating other people/causes: "When [I] have a bit extra, I like to share it," since life tends to flow in cycles of scarcity/abundance just like the seasons and it's easier to give when one's own cup is full, to borrow a popular saying.

2.) Page of Cups: Even without me posing a specific question to you about career, you amazingly picked up that YES, I am looking into a new role/field even though I don't know what that is yet. 🤔 Hell, I remain surprised by the new job titles I see on websites cause there's a lot more now than I ever originally conceived of since my early 20's. Hell, my *current* job and company didn't exist until about post-pandemic fter getting laid-off from a previous company that I was at for 6-ish years. Life works in funny ways, dude! 🤷 Am trying to keep faith that something (intuitively) "right" will turn up for me, so long as I stay open-minded and hopeful in my research exploration. I'm trying to be less rigidly logical about my job search as I was in the past--heck, my inner romantic (?) also keeps hoping that I'll be pleasantly surprised by whatever I find or get offered. 😂 Your interpretation just gave me even more of hope of that, so thank you so much! 🥹

3.) Regarding the 4 of Wands & 3 of Cups being reversed: LMAO, I am honestly am not surprised that's how my coworker situation starts out at first. 😂 I tend to be very task-focused when I'm on the clock, making it likely that coworkers may not know what to make of me at first. The examples you gave of them possibly being the type to go to bars or be vastly younger than me are self-accuratelu plausible reasons on why we may not 'click' at first, despite me studiously also not being the type to seek or "get pulled into drama." While I'm civil and aspire to be helpful, I know my introversion and task-focus doesn't make me come off as personable or easy-to-read either. 😅 The fact that I'm primarily here at work to Get Shit Done™ (eeeey, my Aries Rising/Capricorn Midheaven!) probably does put some people off from me at first. 🤷 The fact you picked up on such personality details or examples is amazing! 😍

4.) Regarding seeing an image of "someone painting lil figurines or something small like that": Holy crap amiga, I don't know what what specific clairvoyant ability you'd call yours (but you should definitely look into the names of different types), but it's just so fucking HILARIOUS you'd affirmed something that my own gut has been nudging me towards! 😂 Cause yeah, I need more creative outlets that aren't purely just mental/screen-oriented (ie. my creative writing) for my own sanity. Something more grounding, more hands-on. Something to redirect my (occasionally neurotic, IMO) detail-oriented, systematic brain. 😅

Have you ever seen videos or photos of minature art, where people make small-scale replicas of entire landscapes, buildings, objects, or even living animals and characters? My heart has been enthralled by such works, and it's just funny and touching that your reading is giving me a nudge to get more into that type of hands-on creativity, even if it's starting out with something as small as buying a pre-made model kit of a minature bookstore filled with cats...or whatever. 😂

5.) It's also amazing how you picked up on a current (?!) and/or past energy of where I HAVE "taken on a lot at my job, like more than you [I] should've had to." This was especially true during the years of being a first-time team leader during the Pandemic Era within an "essential" job (no staying at home for me, just constant overtime!). 🙄 Such a painful, despairing experience opened a lot of wisdom into healthier boundaries & sense of self-responsibility, reevaluating my standards and personal values, and increasing emotional awareness (especially of old childhood dynamics that I was unconsciously encouraging in myself/others who were enabled by my own overworking behaviors).

I'll leave myself open to being pleasantly surprised if my future self somehow overcomes scars around leadership and a new industry leads me back into a "managerial or leadership role fairly quickly." Thankfully, you also included the word "may" so that promotion remains by choice and it's not like I owe that company anything. 🤷 Regardless, finding an industry that gives me the opportunity to establish myself or even to "build a whole ass life around" sounds like a dream come true, honestly. 😂 (So long as I balance that out with self-care & other life areas, of course!)

---

Wishing you all the peace and prosperity, just like how you brought a sense of peace and hope into my heart, Ash! 🥹🫶

#reviews #tarot review #personal tarot readings #tarot reading #tarot #divination #tarot community #tarot cards #paid readings #paid reading review

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theflyingfeeling · 1 year ago

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give up before you suffocate (literally) ✌️

tried to get a doctor's/nurse's apppointment for my throat because it's been aching since Sunday and I haven't been able to speak properly since Wednesday and I can't sleep at night because the pain is unbearable and NOTHING HELPS but the nurse I was talking with online said 'nah just try this painkiller mix and some disinfective tablets and warm honey water' (okay fair enough I haven't tried that) but I don't have those exact painkillers at home and the tablets I've been using haven't done shit so I'd have to go to pharmacy but I'm scared because when I tried to do that earlier today I ended up having to turning back home (the pharmacy is like 50 m from where I live) because I got a terrible coughing fit that brought tears to my eyes and sometimes these coughing fits even alert my gag reflex which kind sucks you know because it's as if I'm about to throw up but nothing actually comes out 💀 but I also can't order the stuff from the online pharmacy that offers consulting online because I've already ordered from them yesterday and today (when my trip to the pharmacy failed) and I'm just too embarrassed to order from them AGAIN?? 😭🙈 (yes this is a problem shut up)

so yeah, when BC said give up before you suffocate I took that personally because lol everytime I try to speak (just to see if I'm able to yet), every other syllable is just wheezing while every other syllable is completely soundless, and I can only speak until I either run out of breath or get a coughing fit, so even if I made it to the pharmacy alive, I'd have to either write down what I need or idk fucking pantomime it I guess 😑 the throat situation is even worse because during the day it doesn't bother me that much because I don't pay attention to it (I can feel the most pain when I swallow) so I THINK it's getting better, but then the night comes and I go to bed and have too much time to focus on the way and how often I swallow and how much more it hurts every time and 😩😩😩😩😩

at least I don't have fever anymore and my leggies haven't been achy since Wednesday, but I've got a runny nose, which is honestly the LEAST of my worries right now, although my right ear being completely blocked because of it is a bit of a bummer (btw is it normal to hear your own pulse in your ear? been too scared to google this ahaha if it's something serious pls don't tell me I want to go swiftly)

welp, since I can't do anything useful like prepare for my upcoming new job (🙃) or write my fic (😭), I'm gonna project the remains of my sanity on rant posts like this I guess lol I hope you enjoyed I'm off to die on my way to the pharmacy now 💅

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theorist-influencer-untitled · 1 year ago

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9.2.23 Saturday

12:48 am

My mind is lagging angels coz I'm super tired and stress everyday thinking of money... I don't know if people in Iqor can notice that... I'm super tired and super stress... That we have new bill...

1:10 am

Hmmm I have so many things to share I just need to rest and tomorrow will post here... I need to relax my mind...

10:10 am

Thank God for today... So many thongs to share ooppss! I mean so many things to share and recall since yesterday... In spite of shortage still life must go on though not my ideal life coz I want more and wanting to have my own crown but I'm happy coz now I'm able to see the beyond things of call center world...

It is good to gain genuine and good souls along the way... We all know friends come and go...

Aside from I badly need money and I badly need to keep this job for a long while... Aside from I will feel bitter if I can't acquire the skills of call center and if I can't do it... It will be a thing that can possibly hunt me forever... Treasure things that I have now, appreciate and love the present blessing...

2:35 pm

My butt is aching, I think my priformis needs a massage ( the muscle on my butt ) even my sciatica and pelvic plus my S-bones are aching... My legs and feet as well... I need a massage angels...

I feel the muscle tightness on my butt down to my legs... Whew!

Awhile ago, I thought this account is being controlled by demons... I logged out and went to my first account then when I tried to log in here, I couldn't go in... I got panicked but I tried to relax coz these 2 journal accounts are important for me angels...

Anyways, lemme continue things that happened yesterday... One of my younger wavemates named "Milanda Go" her mobile was lost for a moment in our room in Montana...

While, we were taking the sent trainings yesterday on our C2 platform, sent by Coach John, then suddenly Milanda reacted that her mobile was lost and she was really panicking...

I was truly concern and told her to go out and checked or asked... And I even told her if she was so sure that she brought her phone... Then,Milanda said yes! She mentioned someone in the wave but I didn't catch it... Milanda said someone from the wave saw her that she used her phone before entering Montana.

Milanda went back and said they didn't see anything an iphone... Her face was worried,then coach John was somehow bullying Milanda that oh! It is iphone, Milanda will buy again an iphone, she will buy again! In tagalog( bili na bili na ng bago! ) Or Milanda buy,buy again a new iphone...

I looked at Gio but I'm not really the kind of person who will interfere on someone's personal life... At first week of our training, I already knew that Gio has a wife inside the Iqor ( her wife is one of the team leaders ).

From the past days coach Melai mentioning something that, she is saying it out loud and in tagalog it sounds "parinig"...

Coach Melai said do you know what you are stealing? Something like that or in tagalog ( lam mo ba ang inaagaw mo ).

From 2 weeks ago that we had our trainings in Iqor,I accidentally noticed the closeness of Milanda and Gio... But I didn' mind coz by nature I'm a concern citizen in this world ( but I always respect boundaries ) and touchy kind of friend on everyone... My personality came back...

So, Milanda was worried and went out again and I accidentally looked at Gio if he cares or at least having concern on Milanda about the situation... I saw from the past days that Gio was wearing Milanda's jacket... Not only once but twice and lately... On that moment Gio doing nothing, as if he doesn't care at all... Or appearing as no concern about the lost phone of Milanda.

But I remember on the first few days of our trainings I even shout out loud in the class that Gio has a wife there in Iqor and a team leader...

In a lil while, I told Milanda to ring her phone and she said that her phone was on a silent mode... But an another a lil while, Milanda went out again and a phone suddenly rung in our row...

Then, the yellow jacket of Milanda or Gio which I don't know whose jacket was that hanging on the back support chair of Milanda. There was a phone ringing at that next moment and I said whose phone is that? Gio got the phone from the yellow jacket and said this is Milanda's phone... Oh! ( coz Milanda said awhile ago that her phone was on a silent mode ) But I didn't react but take note of what Milanda said earlier that her phone was on a silent mode.

Then, this child-like coach John suddenly took the phone from Gio and he tried hiding it on his back or will put inside his pocket ( something like that ).

I was thinking if this action was just a play or a practical joke or there was a hidden meaning of it that coach John took away the phone from Gio's hand and Coach John tried to hide it... Or it was just a fun for them to do that kind of joke or it was a play of a "connivance"...

Lexa was as well happy and shouting that sounds exciting for her that Milanda's phone was found out but coach John hide it and tried to ask us to be his accessory but I'm not a child...

I said no! Return the phone to Milanda right away... Lexa was irritated on me, even Champi they said you are so "Kill Joy Peachy".... I said no I'm not, it is not right, Milanda will cry...

What is the real score of this situation,angels???

3:41 pm

For the Filipino angels... Let's help each other....

Phone or Mobile is a symbolism of a girl or boy or lover or bf or gf.

Way back car was being used as a symbolism of gf or bf or a partner, sometimes a horse as well...

There was this old joke that " hold your horses"... It is like control your husband or bf mainly but sometimes a gf or partner as well...

4:56 pm

I'm looking for a sugar daddy angels.. I want serum and uppish food.

Handsome to me and hygienic sugar daddy... I need money, money...

5:16 pm

Out of gasul already.... Still, waiting for Ate Shiela...

I need to find a sugar daddy... Handsome and able to buy me stuff angels...

I want serums and botox and my fruits and my chia seed... I feel self-pity even my herbal life drinks...

I still feel fat,ugly and wrinkled...

5:43 pm

Thanks ate Shiela...

Our friendship will be turning 12 years by next year of 2024! I'm always delayed on paying her... A month delayed always... hahaha...

But our relationship is still on-going hahaha Praying for a better life...

8:18 pm

Still have windblow trap angels... Still,planning to get dimples in the future...

I wanted a sugar daddy that will be mutual and compatible with my wants and willing to respect me... Sugar Daddy means it is really a serious bf who is willing to lift you up and loves you of course without really asking too much but giving so much and more than you need...

I'm really vain so people thought that I'm KJ and I'm careful on making friends, careful on my actions sometimes coz I'm really vain and I was religious and somehow still religious...

Being vain means being bad, gets angels? So, don't misinterpret if I'm a good friend coz I'm vain that makes me bad...

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princesscatstronaut · 2 years ago

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cool just all of my greatest fears at once awesome love that for me

so my heat hasn't been working for a few days. another relevant fact is that my apartment is a huge depression hole of messiness and trash. so before I called the maintenance folks, I wanted to have things more cleaned than they currently are. another relevant fact is that my lungs are so deconditioned bc of the multiple (and sometimes bi-yearly) bouts of pneumonia that I got during grad school due to stress. cleaning and/or taking out the trash is really hard and now I'm somewhat disabled and need help with these tasks. I hadn't started getting someone to come cleaner for me, bc I had just started at my job and wanted to save a little before that. but now that my heater needs fixed, there's no time.

to be logical, I have no data that says anyone at the management company for my building cares at all about how messy my apartment is. I've lived here 7 years and have always paid rent on time. but in the rental situation I was in before this apartment, I was renting from a private individual who threatened to evict me bc of not cleaning enough. I managed to clean enough that they had no problem renewing me for another year, so it must not've been that bad. either way it was a huge shame and I have landlord trauma about it. being seen as so messy that I shouldn't even be rented to, this is one of my greatest fears.

so when I placed the maintenance request last night, I assumed it would take a day and that I would have a little time to redd up more. however, the maintenance person came within an hour of posting it so I had to frantically make a path to the furnace. and then when he asked if there was a clear space in the bedroom for a space heater (so that it wouldn't catch fire), I couldn't provide one. and since I've been living with the temp at 61F for a few days, I have plenty of blankets so I'm fine with it. one more ping of shame. the guy then called the hvac guy and they're supposed to come around this afternoon.

the minimum I want to get done before they come around is to clean the little boxes and the bathroom. other than that, I'm not going to push it. I still have to work today, after all. I have to get a summary slide deck to our collaborators by the end of the day and have lab meeting around 3. I will have all of the analysis done in about an hour, then I just need to figure out how to interpret the results. but I think I can get that done by 3, so I'm not super worried about that. the hard part (running this program that I've been fighting with for 2 weeks), I did yesterday. luckily I'm so good at bash scripting that I can run all of this stuff in a script and do work *WHILE* I have a major panic attack about how messy my apartment is.

so yeah. last night was all fight-or-flight. didn't sleep super well. haven't taken my brain meds yet. haven't started working on the bathroom yet. my work-work is in progress and seems to be going well. I think that's pretty well automated at this point.

I woke up early-ish so that I could have time to clean a little, but now that I'm working on work stuff, I don't want to stop and do something else, even if it is automated. hopefully they can fix the furnace today, its supposed to be like 15F outside next week, and I don't know if the ambient temp will be warm enough to keep the pipes from freezing.

but this panic made me realize that I need help to get this cleaning taken care of. and yes it'll cost money, but I do have a decent income now. and with the new money coming in every month, I can make this happen. a few years ago, I had a cleaning company come around and dispose of a lot of cardboard and trash that I couldn't take out bc of my lung issues and occasionally my bad knee. they were really kind and fast. it costed a bit of money but it was well worth it. I'm going to call them to come around again. normally they work with hoarders and so they have to go through every item to see if the person wants to keep it or not. I'm not a hoarder though, so I bag everything up that needs to go out and then they take it out and bing-bang-boom, we're done. I'm like an anti-hoarder, I know what I want to keep and toss, I just don't have a body that lets me do that easily anymore.

as I said, I have no indications that the rental company would evict me for the messiness. but my internal shame about it is so high, and my past landlord trauma, that these facts are not registering very well. if they do ping me, I think I should have some amount of time to make it better. like a week would be enough, I think? and I can ask for accommodations for my disability in the form of the time I need to get cleaners to come help. or, worse comes to worse, I make enough money now that I can just get a different apartment and call movers. I don't have a backup apartment ready, but I think it would be possible. probably very expensive right now, but what can I do about that. but I hope it won't come to that. we'll see. hopefully the hvac guy won't care that much. and if the landlord does get mad, its not like I'm damaging anything that's a permanent fixture, its all *my* stuff that's gross, so like, whatever.

so yeah, its basically all of my fears all at once and I'm trying not to panic, but its not working very well. the cleaning tasks I want to do before the hvac guy gets here should take less than an hour, so it won't be that bad. and then I can focus on work. bc that's what pays the bills.

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phoenixyfriend · 3 years ago

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Rey Gives No F*cks About the Grandfather Paradox

Okay so since nobody’s suggested a fic under these terms, I ended up expanding on this post on discord and things snowballed. We kept to the basics of the entire plot revolving around Rey really hating her grandad and leveraging her blood relation to not be unalived about it.

With contributions by @atagotiak, @dracothulhu, @thepallaspalace, and several others. The title comes from @gelpenss.

The basic thing I absolutely need is this: Rey gets thrown back to the middle of the clone wars, and the subsequent plot leans in really heavily on her being, genetically-via-clone-dad, the daughter of the guy running the entire galaxy.

Nobody knows what to do with her.

The timing is mid-TCW for the past (because I want Ahsoka there) and vaguely between Episodes 8 and 9 because I... never watched E9 and don’t want to worry about the timeline. The only things that matter is that Luke is dead (he can die as he did in canon) and that Rey knows she’s Palp’s granddaughter (not the way she does in canon).

We'll say Luke found out from Anakin's panicked force-ghost and just went "well, fuck, okay, I should tell her this before she ends up in a situation like mine and finds out mid-battle or something."

Luke, prior to time-travel: Okay, so, now that I'm dead I know some things I didn't before. Like who your parents were. In the interest of full disclosure because I was in a very similar situation and I don't want you learning the way I did, I'm just going to come right out and say that your father was a clone was Sheev Palpatine. Rey: ... Luke: Are you okay? Rey: I don't know who that is.

(She grew up on Jakku, the history education was a little subpar.)

Setting The Scene

Imagine Rey showing up during or immediately before the clone wars. There’s this phenomenally powerful feral teenager from a desert backwater who tells you that if you ran a paternity test, it would probably pop up the Chancellor. She may or may not bring up cloning. She accuses said Chancellor of being a Sith Lord.

Your other phenomenally powerful feral teenager from a desert backwater, who may not be a teenager anymore but only barely, is very offended by this because Palpatine’s a Very Nice Old Grandfather Figure, but also he’s a little full of side-eye because if the blood test comes back as proof, then Palpatine had a kid and didn’t even know about them, or lied to Anakin, and that’s! Bad! Family’s important!!!

Palpatine hears about this daughter he apparently? Has? And is very confused because the timing doesn’t match up with ANYTHING he was doing, so the kid isn’t natural, and he says as much. (There is an explanation! It’s not a correct explanation, but he does come up with one.)

Finn and Poe and BB-8 all get dragged along because why not have the gang there? Nobody that’s already born, because [handwave] conservation of souls or something, IDK, point is the only person dragged along that’s even remotely close to already existing is Luke’s Force Ghost, who mostly hangs around begging Rey to be less impulsive. Finn is good because he is a nice polite boy, but for actual useful information they need Poe. The unfortunate situation is that the three do not land together. They land at the same time, in completely different corners of the galaxy. This means that nobody is there to curb Rey being her most impulsive self.

Time travel Rey knows two things. Luke’s dad ends up evil. Palpatine has always been evil.

She can solve one of these problems by killing the other, yes?

Rey: Ready to Rumble

See, the initial idea was this: Rey tried to break into the senate to kill Palpatine, got arrested, and then used the "he's biologically my father" card to get out of jail free. (Force Ghost Luke follows her like “please take five seconds to think this through.”)

But.

It would be very, very, very funny if The Force just dumps her in a flash of light in the senate building and she just attacks Gramps on sight. Just a shouted "YOU!" and no-hesitation attempted murder.

Palpatine has no idea what's going on.

Rey took maybe two seconds to get identity confirmation and then started swinging.

[Image Description: An individual in a green metal helmet with an eye slit, holding a pistol. In the upper left, upper right, and lower middle are the phrases “I do not know who I am...” “I don’t know why I’m here” and “All I know is that I must kill.” End description.]

Of course, she gets arrested. There are Master Jedi in the Senate. There are Clone Troopers. Palpatine isn’t the weak old man he pretends to be. Of course she’s stopped.

But she isn’t executed in time for Palpatine to stop her from ruining his entire reputation.

Immediately after Rey fails to kill her Shitty Granddad, Luke's ghost shows up and begs her to not talk about the Sith thing because it will completely undermine everything she's trying to do. Pass off the attempted murder as something else!

Rey, panicking: "that fucker left me on a desert planet for 10 years!" "You owe me 19 years of child support you son of a Hutt!"

The Jedi have to do the investigation, because the girl showed up with a laser sword, and the conversation is, uh... interesting. (“Where did you get that lightsaber?” “I got it from a mysterious old pirate lady I never met before. I don't know, I was being shown around by a smuggler and a Wookie.”)

Interviewer: Why did you try to assassinate the Chancellor? Luke: Say it wasn't assassination. Rey: It wasn't assassination. Int: You weren't trying to kill him? Luke: Assassination has to be politically motivated. Rey: This was, um... not political. Assassination is political, right? Int: You mean this was personally motivated? Rey: Yes. Int: I see. What personal motivation? Luke: Jakku! Rey: He's my grandfather. Int: ... Rey: Possibly father. Nobody was very clear on that. Int: ... Luke: Tell them to run a paternity test. Rey: Oh hey, a blood test would tell us which, right? Int: ............ Rey: I spent ten years as an orphaned scrapdealer on Jakku. He's my father. I'm kind of a little angry. Int: ........... Luke: Good job, kid. You bought yourself some time. Int: I'm going to get a medic to see about that parternity test.

Obviously, it comes back positive. Congratulations, Sheev, you’re the father.

Rey comes with a ready-made built-in excuse for hating Palpatine that nobody can question or fault her for!

Rey, pouring Truth into the Force: I didn't even know I was related to the Chancellor until a few months ago, but it's his fault I grew up the way I did, and he should take some responsibility!

The entire thing is mostly kept hush hush but someone leaks it to the press and Palpatine's ratings tank.

"Chancellor, I think we'll need to waive family visitation until she wants you a little less dead." "I would like to find out why she wants me dead, and indeed, where she came from." "...sir, for your own safety--"

Who would win? A master plan years in the making spanning decades of manipulating and work? or One (1) paternity test

"Okay, so, Rey Palpat--" "Ew, no, I don't want his name." "You--okay. Sure, we can understand that. Is there a name you would prefer to put on the paperwork?" Rey, who would have gone by Skywalker in honor of Luke but can't do that when Anakin is right there and all: "Can I think about it?"

Rey: I don't know what I want my last name to be but I know I don't want his, and most of the people I’d want a name from have famous families like you... Luke's ghost, pointing out the Literal Nobody that she cares about a lot: How about Solo? Rey: ...Solo, then.

(A few months later she runs into Poe again and he offers for Finn and Rey to both take his name because honestly they need SOMETHING but at that point she’s already decided on Smuggler Dad.)

Backtrack a bit. We’ve got a bigger cast.

They all arrive separately. Poe, for one, does better than Rey, who is aiming for a murder, but not quite as well as Finn, who is currently being adopted and hidden like a secret cat by a bunch of Alpha Clones on Kamino. He vibes with the names-or-numbers thing. He doesn’t necessarily tell them where and when he’s from, but he’s very sweet and a great liar and they adopt him wholesale anyway.

The Finn situation is just... "Buir Ti, we need you to hide this man, we've decided he's our little brother but if Nala Se finds out she'll make him leave."

Of course, this leads into Shaak Ti teaching Finn how to Jedi.

Maybe consider Finn needing to almost be tricked into learning Jedi things because he willfully forgets it could apply to him. Finn does not like to think of himself as special, which is super valid, but frustrating for Shaak Ti when it comes to, you know, getting him to acquire knowledge. Finn's training at some point is "here, levitate objects with the Force to entertain the tubies." It’s a lot easier to convince him to practice when it involves the babies.

(Everyone on Kamino looked at Finn and went “oh I love him I’m keeping him and teaching him things.”)

(He’s just very lovable.)

Poe, meanwhile, buys the trust of Anakin Skywalker via R2D2 declaring BB-8 the absolute most baby of droids. R2D2 met BB-8 three hours ago but.

"Hey Obi-Wan this is Poe I met him like five days ago but R2D2 says he checks out because his droid is a baby." "That's nice, Anakin, did you know the Chancellor has a daughter who tried to assassinate him in broad daylight yesterday? Because guess who had to stop the Chancellor from getting assassinated by his daughter in broad daylight yesterday."

A summary so far:

Finn, on Kamino: Hey, um, I don't know where this is, but it's not where I was a few minutes ago. Do you think you could get me a comm? What's your name? Poe, on [dice roll] Denon: Oh, hey, you're General Skywalker? Nice to meet you, I'm so sorry about my droid, she's a little excitable and thought your R2 unit looked like a friend of hers-- Rey, on Coruscant: DIE, GRANDFATHER

Finn: [Peacefully vibing on Kamino, unaware of the chaos and bonding with the clones] Poe: [Trying to explain how he knows someone who tried to kill the chancellor and defend Rey] Rey: [Arrested for trying to kill the chancellor]

Just... just...

Anakin: Some guy ended up lost on base yesterday with his droid, how’s your day going? Obi-Wan: I had to stop someone who claims to be the chancellors daughter from murdering the chancellor after she seemingly blinked into existence in the Senate building. Poe: 😐

(Poe: Oh, so that's where Chaos^2 went.)

Poe: In her defense, she is his... well we don't know if she's his daughter or granddaughter, but she's definitely related to him, and she definitely grew up in a shitty situation that was his fault, so...

(Poe is trying very hard to explain this and not get arrested on the military base.)

As you’ve probably guessed, what's especially funny about all of this for me is the fact that Palpatine is fully aware that this girl shouldn't exist, but can't find a single piece of evidence about where she came from. He didn't start any experiments that could result in a female child, and he didn't have sex in that period of time, so where the hell--

Rey spends so much time in jail... BUT they do eventually assign her a Jedi Master. Possibly before she actually proves her evil grandfather is in fact evil. Most votes went to either Plo Koon or Obi-Wan. Plo, because he’s dad-shaped, and Obi...

"Obi-Wan, you already raised one feral desert child with implausible amounts of power, you handle this." Rey in return is very "Sweet, you vaguely remind me of Master Luke," and nobody knows who the hell she's talking about. Obi-Wan is NOT on board with this plan, she'd really be better off with Plo or like........ Mace.

Reunion Tour

What I need out of this is the eventual Finn and Rey reunion scene that is just excited screaming while someone in the background explains to Shaak Ti that yes this is apparently Palpatine's terrifyingly force-sensitive daughter who hates him.

(Finn senses Rey’s approach and just. Gathers the everyone to wait. He’s just :D REY MY FRIEND REY GUYS MY FRIEND REY IS COMING.)

Anakin shows up with Poe--just a guy who signed on to the military, no big deal--and then Poe and Rey are EXCITED and everyone's just like "Cool, how do you know this literal terrorist child?" And Poe has to scramble and "Uhhhhhhhhhhhh she saved my droid from a scrapheap once and BB-8 is basically my child so I owe her one."

Rey knows that Anakin ends up evil so she’s maybe not actively hostile but definitely very “I’m watching you.” That said, she vibes with him on a lot of things that he maybe doesn’t actively notice.

Rey picks up a snake, snaps off the head for venom avoidance, and starts biting off chunks. Obi-Wan's reaction: [undisguised horror] Anakin and Ahsoka: Ooh, where'd you find that? (Obi-Wan: And now I’m up to three feral children.)

What Does Palpatine Even Do?

OBVIOUSLY at a certain point, Palpatine is just phoning up every ally he has to figure out who broke protocol to synthesize a daughter for him.

So of course, Palpatine blame Plagueis.

She'd have been born five or so years before Naboo, just a few years younger than Anakin. It's such an EASY theory to build a conspiracy around. It is ENTIRELY WRONG, but it’s plausible! And anyone who might have been involved to say otherwise is probably dead!

A random bio-kid shows up you can’t possibly have contributed genes to? Maybe it’s the evil bio spark that did it.

Palpatine tries to placate her with the ‘my genes were stolen for an experiment and I didn’t know’ thing. It doesn’t work because her actual main complaint is he’s evil in her future but he tries.

It'd be a struggle to even get access to her, because of the aforementioned “maybe don’t try to talk to the daughter(?) that hates you” thing, but you know who Palpatine does have access to? The Chosen One.

Rey kind of decides on her favorites early on (she gravitates to Dad Energy and Sad Old Men so Plo and Obi-Wan are on her list, and that means decent time around Anakin and Ahsoka). It's really easy to talk Anakin into helping to some degree because "he'd like to connect to a daughter he never knew" and "a child of her power on a planet like that, you'd know her struggle, my dear boy" and so on. Anakin tries to connect! He tries to play up Sheev’s kind political work and how it can’t have really been his fault! It doesn’t work. Rey does not believe a word of it. Mostly she doesn’t even seem to hear him.

Rey's just like "...oh right, you're the melted mask that Kylo Ren was always ranting about," which means absolutely NOTHING to Anakin, but he mentions it to Palps, who loses his goddamn mind trying to figure out what she's talking about, because it also means absolutely nothing to him.

Here’s the thing: Rey’s already decided that Obi-Wan is cool, because Luke said so, and Plo Koon is dad-shaped, and she also gravitates towards earnest kindness in general, like she made friends with Finn real quick, so Ahsoka? Already getting along great.

She doesn’t dislike Anakin, really, he isn’t evil yet, he’s just... meh. She’s a little suspicious and she likes him less than the others but... Anakin.

Rey, to Anakin: You are my least favorite. Anakin, to Palpatine: YOUR DAUGHTER HATES ME???

And he goes from “she’s a lil standoffish” to “she doesn’t like me” to “she hates me” as is normal for Anakin.

It’s just an escalation of this one time Palpatine wants Anakin to not have rifts and trust issues with a person, at least not until later, because he needs information.

Meanwhile, that very moment, Rey is just like "huh, nobody here is listening to me about how make a sixth-hand carburetor work, where's Luke's dad?"

Anakin is venting to Palpatine about how hard it is to talk to Rey, and she's over in the Temple just like "Hey, that guy was useful last time, I should ask him," but also she only ever thinks of him as Luke's Dad.

(At one point, Obi-Wan is having a bit of a break down, and then Anakin starts having a breakdown about that, meanwhile the clones are (badly) trying to hide Finn behind their backs, Rey is watching Ahsoka practice and being like "I want two lightsabers," and Poe is trying to keep R2 from stealing BB-8 and Force Ghost Luke is just face palming in the background.)

(Rey deserved a saber staff, maybe one that can detach and turn into a jar’kai set. Possibly a pike. Mostly I just wish she got more chances to whack things with a big stick.)

#Rey #Finn #Poe Dameron #Sheev Palpatine #Luke Skywalker #Anakin Skywalker #Obi Wan Kenobi #Darth Sidious #Plo Koon #Shaak Ti #Ahsoka Tano #r2d2 #bb 8 #star wars #time travel #Rey and the Grandfather Paradox #Phoenix Posts

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ah-ga-seven · 4 years ago

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No More Pain | Jung Jaehyun

Pairing: Jung Jaehyun x Fem!reader

Synopsis: The lingering wounds of your miscarriage have reopened. Now that you are broken up, an unforseen change in Jaehyun’s life has brought him back to your doorstep. Will he be able to fix you this time? Or will he fail just the same as before?

Genre: Angst, One Shot.

Warnings: mentions of the reader having a miscarriage, depression, alcohol addiction and heartbreak.

Word Count: 2.8k

A/N: Probably one of the heaviest angsts I’ve written. I know the subject is rough but the idea came from a dream so I just had to write it down.

This was a different kind of pang to your heart.

You’ve had your fair share of tragedies, heartbreaks and disappointments, but this…

This feeling was nothing like anything you’ve ever felt before and quite frankly, you wouldn’t wish this upon your greatest enemy.

It was a Thursday night, one like many where you decided to stay in and recharge from a busy day at your demanding job.

You were seated on your couch with a hot cup of tea as you mindlessly scrolled through your Instagram feed. Completely wrapped in the warmth of your favorite fleece blanket. But even the thick fluffy material couldn’t protect you from the cold shivers that ran down your spine.

You blankly stare at the post your best friend forwarded to you via dm and stiffened.

Memories of the night you miscarried 4 months into your pregnancy flood back to you as you stare at his comment.

You remembered how broken he looked when the doctor couldn’t find the baby's heartbeat anymore.

You remembered how he held you as you cried in his arms, promising that he’d love you just the same as he tried to console you to his best ability while suffering himself.

You remembered the pain and the relief of having Jaehyun by your side through it all. Glad that even though your life was about to change forever, he’d be the one constant thing you could rely on.

You remembered all of these moments like they happened yesterday, wishing future you could mentally prepare past you for what was going to be the hardest time in your life.

The man who swore never to leave you did just that, and not even 6 months into his new relationship, your biggest insecurity was made into a reality.

He had moved on for good, and even though you have no ill feelings towards him, you can’t help but feel anger over sadness right now.

It was that easy to replace you. And that easy for him to find someone that could give him what you couldn’t.

Even though your miscarriage wasn’t the direct cause of why he left, the effects of the incidence on your mental health dragged him down with you. So both of you felt it’d be better to part ways for the sake of not wanting to hate or resent each other in the end.

But God…you hated and resented him now more than ever.

It didn’t matter to you that both of you started to date new people, because a part of you always held on to the fact that you’d somehow find your way back to each other, though the probability of that ever happening again turned to ash.

Your miscarriage broke you.

No appetite for weeks, no motivation to get yourself out of bed and no cure for the monsters in your head who told you that Jaehyun was only sticking around out of pity for your broken state.

That same insecurity is what drove him into the arms of the women he told you not to worry about, and now they’re having a fucking child together.

Knowing that that should’ve been you was a thought that was just too much to bear right now. You suddenly feel sick to your stomach, tears prickling your eyes as you rub the spot on your belly where the mini bump used to be 8 months ago.

You were finally doing better, thriving in your job and social life. Meeting new people and dating a few loose ends here and there, but you can already feel yourself spiraling back into old depressional habits as you stare at the picture once more.

You pettily decide to like it, hoping it would spark interest from none other than your ex, and much to your surprise, it did.

Not even 20 minutes later your phone started to buzz on the counter as you poured yourself a glass of wine. You mindlessly retrieve it, expecting it to be your best friend but when you see his name as you take a sip you almost choke.

Is he serious?

You try to come up with what to say for the next 3 to 5 minutes but nothing in your head seems to translate your exact feelings to your fingertips.

You sigh in agony while leaning over on your kitchen counter with your phone still in your hands, reading his messages over and over again. You subconsciously start to bite your lip in deep thought, getting startled by your ringtone as your phone starts to ring in your grasp.

“Fuck,” you mumble to yourself, taking a big chug of the alcoholic beverage in front of you, putting on the bravest face and straightest posture to make yourself feel better before accepting the call.

You knew you didn’t have to answer, but you were dying to hear what he had to say under these circumstances.

“Y/N? Is that you?” His voice was unchanged. You didn’t know why, but you expected him to sound different, be different. Yet the same worry he’s always had for you was evident in his tone this time as well.

You clear your throat to avoid a voice crack and sigh. “Congratulations,” you tried to sound as genuine as you could, but you knew you sounded like shit.

You start to play with the ends of your hair out of anxious anticipation, waiting for him to respond on the other end of the line.

“I meant to tell you,” he starts. “I just…I didn’t know how and Chaeyoung suddenly uploaded the picture and-”

“Jae…please spare me the details,” you interrupt him. Saying his name like you used to felt like speaking a foreign language. He stayed quiet upon hearing your voice again and let out a frustrated sigh.

“Do you still live in the same apartment in Itaewon?” he suddenly asks, immediately alerting you to stand up straight because he could only be asking for one reason and one reason only.

“Y-yes.”

“Good, I’m on my way.”

Just like that, he hung up and just like that your heart rate starts to race uncontrollably.

You down the remnants of your wine glass and hope he’s isn’t too close because your place looked far from neat. For the next 15 minutes, you run around, shoving things into random cabinets. Whether those items belonged there or not was the least of your concern and just as you fluff the last pillow on your couch, your doorbell rings.

You take a deep breath, calming your nerves as you walk up to your front door, taking it off the lock before you open it with a dramatic swing.

There he was. Jung Jaehyun.

As beautiful and put together as he always looked, no matter the circumstance. You forget how to breathe when you lay eyes on him and gulp. It’s actually him.

His big dark orbs widened as he laid eyes on you after months of not seeing you. His facial expression softened, slowly parting his lips to speak but you beat him to it when you broke out of your trance.

“What are you doing here?” your shoulders fall as you look into his eyes for answers. The same eyes that once looked at you with so much love and adoration, but right now his pupils were stressfully darting back and forth, trying to read you like he used to be able to but he had no idea what you were feeling right now.

“Because I feel like shit y/n. Please let me in and let me explain,” he pleaded with a defeated tone.

You scoff, rolling your eyes. “What is there to explain? You knocked up your girlfriend and finally got what you wanted. Why bother coming here? To rub it into my face?”

Your plan of staying calm and collected went completely out the window just now and you could tell by the shock on his face that he did not expect you to be angry with him.

He took a step forward, backing you into your own hallway. His height towered over you when you stepped back and without looking back he closed the door behind him.

“Y/n. I would never purposely do that to you. Ever.” You ignore his statement, narrowing your eyes at him.

“I don’t remember inviting you in Jaehyun. Does she even know you’re here?”

You hold your ground, crossing your arms over your chest as you wait for him to counter your attack, but he simply shook his head. Knowing damn well that you’re acting tough just so you won’t get emotional.

As he’s scanning the premises, his eyes linger on the red wine bottle on your kitchen counter and with a look of utter disbelief, he averts his attention back on you.

“You’re drinking again?” he asks with an almost condescending tone.

“Did you come here to practice your parenting skills because no thanks Jae, please leave,” you bite back as coldly as you could, but he wasn’t having it.

“That shit almost killed you and you’re just casually drinking again?” He runs his hand through his locks out of pure frustration, not knowing what to do with the misplaced feeling of still caring for you just the same, while also knowing he has no business to tell you how to live your life.

The truth is, Jaehyun had no idea what he was doing here. Everything about the situation felt wrong and he couldn’t lie to himself any longer. Ever since Chaeyoung told him she was pregnant; he couldn’t be fully happy about it. He couldn’t commit to fatherhood knowing how much it broke your relationship. How much it broke the women he loved most to this day.

“A little red wine didn’t hurt anyone,” you mumble under your breath and that comment alone send Jaehyun’s emotions into overdrive, unable to hide his disappointment and worry for you any longer.

“IT HURT YOU Y/N. DAMN IT!” He raised his voice at you as he roughly grabbed your arm to make you look at him, which is the last thing you expected. He wasn’t mad at you. He was mad at himself. Mad at the fact that he wasn’t there when you needed him most and mad at the fact that this is what your lives had come to.

You might have previously dealt with your pain by drinking, and you might have mindlessly mixed your anti-depressants with your drink once, which…just might have earned you a trip to the hospital, but that was your lowest low and you made sure it’d never happen again.

You beat your demons by yourself when he had already moved on, so he had no place to waltz back into your life when he felt like it, just to judge you.

You’re absolutely fuming by now because of that same reason and much to your dismay you feel new tears well up in your eyes.

“NO, YOU HURT ME!” you yell back at him as you smack his chest, the salty droplets streaming down your face as you kept hitting his chest to make him feel your pain. “YOU LEFT ME.”

Your knees got weak and you knew you looked absolutely pathetic as you crouched down in front of him. Shock took over his features as he got down on his own knees just as quickly, pulling you into the comfort of his arms. The warmth that you used to call home and the warmth that always seemed to calm you down engulfed you completely, a feeling your favorite fleece blanket from before could hardly imitate.

He patted your head with assuring strokes, whispering sweet nothings to you as he held you on the floor of your apartment. Letting you sob the pain away in his black shirt. “Shhh, it’s okay…” he kissed the top of your head, caressing your cheek as he wiped away your tears.

You calmed down slowly, ignoring the suffocating ache in your head and heart while he made you feel safe and sound like he always did. You sat there like that for God knows how long, letting your minds go into overdrive as silence comforted the both of you.

Ironically enough, this scenery was the exact same as the one in the hospital 8 months ago. You cried in his arms just like this when you had lost your child, but now you were crying because you had lost him. For good now.

“I would never purposely plan to have a baby this quickly y/n, you have to believe me. Chae was on birth control but it just…happened,” he whispers, finally breaking the agonizing silence.

You stay quiet, closing your eyes to the sound of his low voice, letting his words register. “I was going to tell you. I was planning to ask you out for a coffee but as soon as she passed her first trimester, she was just so excited and made the announcement…it was just bad timing.”

“All of this is bad timing,” you mumble, which made him nod in agreement. He sighed into your hair as he continued to explain. “Y/n, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t care for you anymore. I wish things were different, but they simply aren’t and I’m sorry.”

You sniff, dabbing your tears and your nose with the sleeves of your blouse before looking up at him through your lashes.

“You don’t have to apologize for moving on and being happy Jaehyun. It’s all I ever wanted for you.” You wipe the single tear that remained on the corner of his eye, not having realized that he shed a few tears himself too.

He leaned into your touch as he looked into your eyes before closing them, leaning his forehead onto yours while taking a deep breath.

“I just want you to be ok.” He says suppressing a sob. “I can’t live this picture-perfect life knowing that you’re in pain y/n. It makes no sense; you deserve so much more it’s not fair.”

Your lip starts to quiver as his words hit you, and you build up the courage to look at him again.

He stared at you longingly and lovingly for the first time since forever and you knew a mistake was about to be made when he inched his face closer to you, but it was too late.

His lips made contact with yours and you completely gave in. Letting him lead you into a slow yet passionate kiss that took both of your breaths away. Before things could get more heated, you realize what was happening and froze.

You take a hold of his wrists as you pull away, your eyes staring into his equally electrified ones as you recompose yourselves.

“I-I’m sorry,” he started. “I should’ve never confused you like that. Fuck. What the fuck am I doing.” He covers his mouth as he got up. Frustrated with his own behavior, he digs his fingernails into the palms of his hands to suppress the urge to swing at your door or any other object in sight for that matter.

You get up just as quickly as well. Straightening out your clothes before shaking off the nerves of what just happened.

You take a deep breath followed by a shaky exhale as you opened your front door, turning around on your heels to look at an equally distressed Jaehyun.

He was about to speak; about to confess that he still loved you, but you stopped him by raising your hand, motioning for him to keep whatever he was about to say to himself.

Your eyes find his own and you take one last glance at the man that was supposed to be the pillar to your family. The man you used to call yours, and the man that you had hoped to still have a future with, despite everything.

But you knew better.

You knew what was right and you knew what you had to do before things would start to spiral out of control again.

You stepped aside so he could pass by you, trying to avoid eye contact all while you could still feel his burning stare lingering on your fragile state.

You swallow harshly, licking your lips before you spoke as clearly and steadily as you could.

“For the sake of your family, please leave Jae…and never come back.”

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cartoonfanorwhatever · 2 years ago

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I've been meaning to finally watch all ghibli movies. And o want to get trough them all by end of August. I've seen bits and pieces of some of them, have watched many a video essayist talk about them.

I'm going to talk about each of them as i watch them, mostly all in chronological order.

But first i'll quickly say something about the ones i *have* seen. In more or less the order i've seen them.

First one i ever saw was 'laputa: castle in the sky'. I saw this one years ago so i don't have many specific things to say. But it's absolutely wondeful. And the action is fenominal

Then i saw either 'Kiki's delivery service' and 'Howl's moving castle' i don't remember the precise order. But i saw both either this or last year. Both once again beatiful stories. I empathised with Kiki so much and it's such a nuanced yet heartfelt coming of age story. Howl's moving castle however might so far be my favourite. It's such a unique take on a beauty and the beast type story and the magic and the world keep me endlessy interested. Also the main theme (Merry go round of life) slaps and every few weeks it starts playing on loop in my brain.

Then i also watched 'Lupin the third: castle of cagliostro' which, yes, i do count.

I'll once again be frank and admit that i don't remember if i watched it before or inbetween or even after the last 2 but whatever, time-blindness is a bitch.

Anyway it's amazing probably the Best Lupin III content out there and it's so influential on animation as a whole. Even if you know nothing about Lupin the third it's fully enjoyable. I'm very angry Netflix doesn't have it anymore because i really wanted to rewatch it (don't worry i did pirate it but i kinda didn't want to because i want to puch Netflix's algorythm towards animation as much as possible. But that's neither here nor there.)

A couple of months ago i saw 'nausicaa of the valley of the wind' which is underappreciated in my opinion. It's based on Miyazaki's own manga. It's a truly epic story with an important message about environmentalism that's as relevas It's ever been. The main character, Naussica is so cool (and I'm fully planning a dnd character greatly based on her). The alien environments and inhabitants of the fungal forests are breathtaking. Nuff´ said.

Then finally, this friday i watched 'My neighbor Totoro' and what can i say that hasn't already been said? A beatiful view in the life of young girls going trough a rough time in their lives juxtaposed with the innocence and beaty of childhood mixed with Japanse mythology. Let's just say Totoro is ghibli's flagship mascot for a reason.

This movie hit particularly close to home because of my job of working with kids their age. And the fear, confusion and even despair the youngest feels about their situation that they're just too young to properly grasp just kept rending my heart in two. Not to mention the older sister who has to be the responsible one and has to keep herself together despite that it's clear how hard it is on her as well. The characters in this film are real in a way that only Miyazaki has mastered portraying.

(Fun fact: the person who voiced the father is 'Shigesato Itoi' who is also the creator of the 'Mother' video game series.)

Finally, finally, to switch things up; today I watched 'a silent voice' i'll probably elaborate more in the future on a different post. But needless to say it's exactly as good as people say it is, maybe even better.

It was a touch longer than i thought it would be but it wasn't really a problem. It's a super interesting story with a nuanced take on redemption, attonement and friendship. Rended in a way that only animation can truly accomplish.

Up next: I'll go in proper release order from now on so next thing is 'only yesterday'. A more slice of life film and one i might even be to young to fully appreciate seeing i'm only just in my mid 20s and the main character is in her early thirties i think. But i've heard nothing but good things about it so i'm sure i'll be fine.

And concidering that i'm sick and won't go into work tomorrow I'll most likely watch it then

#lj watches #studio ghibli #lupin the third castle of cagliostro #naussicaa of the valley of the wind #kiki's delivery service #howl's moving castle #my neighbor totoro #laputa castle in the sky #castle in the sky #a silent voice

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scorpionatori · 3 years ago

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Natsume Yuujinchou Chapter 114 (“Younger Cousin” part 2) Summary/Translation

[Two closeup panels of Mitsuru’s eyes, opened and then closed. A blank black panel with the words “Hey, what are you looking for?”. Similar panels of Natori’s eyes, closed and then opened, looking down slightly sad and thoughtful]

Natsume: Natori-san?

Natori: Ah, Natsume. [smiling softly at them] Natsume, Sensei, I have a favor to ask.

•••••

Here’s my summary/translation for chapter 114! I struggle with Japanese grammar so my apologies if there’s any translation errors. If any other people who can read Japanese catch any, please let me know so I can fix them. Thanks to @dreamer1084 for providing me with panels since my manga app doesn’t allow screenshots. You can read chapter 113 (part 1 of the “Younger Cousin” arc) here:

https://scorpionatori.tumblr.com/post/665966979442688000/natsume-yuujinchou-chapter-113-younger-cousin

•••••

[Narration: “Like that, Natori-san called us up to talk about something yesterday afternoon.” The three of them are walking together in a field, Natsume holding Nyanko-sensei. There’s a caption for this chapter that says “We are told of Natori’s situation–...”]

[As they’re walking, Natori tells the two of them that he failed to exorcise something unpleasant during a job, and he intends on paying a visit to his clan’s branch house. He thinks he caught a glimpse of a youkai there–one that can only use its powers when snow is falling. The branch house is now shown from the outside as the narration shifts from the flashback to the present moment. “That’s why tomorrow afternoon, in case I’m unable to return from that house, I want you to come here and tell me something: I don’t have a younger cousin.” Natsume, Natori, and Nyanko-sensei peer into the room where Natori’s familiars have just woken up after being struck by his talismans while he was trapped in the illusion in the previous chapter]

Natori: Urihime, Sasago, Hiiragi… I’m sorry.

Urihime: [smiling at him with relief] Master!

Sasago: Are you okay? What about that thing?

Natori: It disappeared from the room. I awoke from the illusion and it went back into hiding.

Sasago: How insolent!

[Natsume is propping Hiiragi up]

Hiiragi: –Natsume.

Natsume: Hiiragi, are you alright? Thank you for saving me earlier.

Hiiragi: You sure did well in this dangerous place. We failed to carry out our duties. Only you were able to do it, because he placed unconditional trust in your words.

Natsume: Hiiragi…

[He recalls what Mitsuru told him in the last chapter: “None of them could fulfill his need for a companion.” He suddenly hears a noise somewhere in the house]

Hiiragi: What is it, Natsume?

Natsume: –I heard a phone ringing just now.

Urihime: Well then, Master, we better go look for that thing.

Natsume: Um, shouldn’t you rest a little bit?

Urihime: Don’t worry about us, kid. That thing is still inside the barrier after all.

Sasago: We can’t just sit and wait around with it running amok! We must catch it immediately and punish it!

Natori: That’s not possible at the moment. I’ll deal with it. We should learn more about it before continuing to pursue it relentlessly.

Urihime: –Yes, Master.

Sasago: Leave it to us!

[The three of them disappear elsewhere. Natori covers his face with his hand]

Natsume: Natori-san, are you okay?

Natori: –Yeah, Natsume. Thank you for helping me. I’m really sorry you ended up in a dangerous situation… I wasn’t expecting this kind of thing to happen. It was completely because of my own… I’ll take you back out to the gate. I have to clean all this up. I apologize again.

Natsume: [grabbing hold of his arm] Natori-san, please wait. I can’t go back like this while you’re still in trouble. It made me happy that you asked for my help. You’re a precious friend to me, because you were the first person I met who could see and understand the pain I’ve been through. I want to help you, and I want you to trust that I can. If you believe in me as a friend, then, let’s go back together.

[There’s a panel of Natsume from Natori’s perspective. Natori closes his eyes]

Natori: …. Well then, it’s decided. We should stick close together. And Sensei.

Nyanko-sensei: Well that’s good! Feel free to pay me respects as much as you want until we get separated.

[They’re in a room where Natori has just changed back into his regular clothes instead of the robes he was wearing before. Natsume regrets not going over with him the day before, but Natori says he had wanted to hold off on the meeting since he thought it was going to be taken care of quickly. While he had gone to the house for exorcism reasons, in truth, he also went to look for something and needed an excuse to set foot on the premises.]

Nyanko-sensei: [sitting on Natori’s head] Why would you need an excuse to set foot in a place belonging to your relatives?

Natori: I’m the one exception. Everyone wanted to cut our ties to youkai related things, so I’m sure It angered them that I decided to revive the exorcist business by myself. For being the only son of the main family, they’re not very welcoming of me. But during New Year’s celebrations, I managed to secretly set up a barrier around the premises.

Natsume: –A barrier… around your relatives’ home?

Natori: I imagined this would more or less upset them. Truth be told, when I was a child, youkai infested this house which belonged to our once renowned family of exorcists. [there’s a panel of the empty hallway with white silhouettes of youkai roaming it] Luckily they didn’t seem to have any bad intentions and were simply drawn to the elegance of the old house, but they scared me. When I brought it up, everyone looked at me weird and said there were no such things and I was being ridiculous. After some time, I decided to pretend that I could no longer see them or hear their voices, but they never really went away. The family gave up in the end, but I ended up becoming an exorcist to drive out all the youkai myself. I set up barriers around all the homes, including this house– but they even hated me doing that. Someone came in here and tore up all the talismans.

Nyanko-sensei: And that’s how that youkai lady got in here.

Natsume: Tore up… who would do that?

Natori: Who indeed. My aunt and uncle used to live here, but due to some circumstances, this house is now empty.

Natsume: –Huh?

Natori: Over the years, the family could no longer look after it and it was abandoned.

Natsume: –Abandoned… then, what caused the phone to ring earlier–

Natori: The phone? I’m sure there’s no electricity running through here…..

Nyanko-sensei: That aside, what’s this thing you’re looking for? Is it something valuable?

Natori: ...Um, no… It’s hard to explain, but it's something I heard from my uncle years ago. “This house has a hidden secret, and it’s probably something only you can find”.

Nyanko-sensei: –A secret?

Natsume: And just what is this secret–.....

Natori: Well, this probably isn’t it, but I wonder if it could be something related to the old family business, for example.

Natsume: Related to exorcism?

Natori: I first heard about it some years ago when I started looking into becoming an exorcist. I had an opportunity to search for it once, but I didn’t find anything. My uncle gave me a hint about it back then, but I don’t remember…

Nyanko-sensei: Hmph, so that youkai gal got into this place where you were worried a secret was left behind.

Natori: Yeah. That youkai was originally hidden deep within the mountains. I went there to exorcise it, thinking it would be a simple job. However, when I found it and prepared to get rid of it, I instantly felt very tired. It peered into me. I’m not sure how much it saw, but it took the name “Mitsuru” from my mind and used that to pull itself into the premises. Now it can appear whenever snow is falling. If it was waiting for me to get caught up in the unforgotten scenery, would it not be better to let it do so? I want to uncover my buried memories of this house, things I had once lost hope of ever finding… If I pretended to be overtaken by its magic and placed myself in its hands, would I be able to remember something?

Nyanko-sensei: So then, you asked Natsume to be your alarm clock. Were you able to remember anything?

Natori: No… sorry about that. Things went badly. I really truly wasn’t expecting it to come to that. —It was completely because of my own weakness.

Natsume: Um, Natori-san, anyway… who is this “Mitsuru”? That’s the name that youkai gave… [internal narration: “There’s something profound about that name, like a shadow cast from inside him”] The eldest daughter of this house… that is to say she was disguising herself as your uncle’s child..... [there’s shadowy images and noises of youkai running past them] But, if you “don’t have a younger cousin”, then just who the hell is “Mitsuru”?

[The images and sounds are intensifying. A single short and scrawny youkai with short hair stops in its tracks while the rest of them continue on. It turns to look over, wearing a mask covered in six “eyes”. It slowly transforms and lifts its mask up, now appearing as Mitsuru]

Mitsuru: [grinning] Are you looking for something?

Natori: [stepping in front of Natsume] Hide your face, don’t let it look at you!

[Natsume looks down and notices a piece of paper. On it are two different spellings of the name “Mitsuru”: 美弦 (the kanji for "beautiful" and "bow string") and 光弦 (the kanji for “light” and “bow string”). The first one is the spelling we have seen in these chapters. A hand is seen touching the paper]

Unknown: The characters are read here as “Mitsuru”. One for if it’s a boy, one for if it’s a girl. [it lifts the paper up] A good name, isn’t it? However, it must be kept a secret. Someday–

Natori: Natsume!

[Natsume looks up to find Natori has suddenly disappeared]

[Natori’s familiars are standing outside in the snowy courtyard]

Familiar (Sasago or Hiiragi): Is it here?

Urihime: No, I’m not seeing anything.

Sasago: Where are you hiding, coward?!

Urihime: Good grief…. Such a weakling couldn’t stand a chance against our master if it weren’t for those bothersome powers it possesses.

Sasago: Indeed, but he should have already known the means of guarding his heart when crossing paths with youkai, so why did he fail to catch the one in the mountain? What went wrong…

[Urihime asks Hiiragi if she heard anything from Natori when she escorted him that night, but she says she was only ordered to wait for him at the bottom of the mountain and wasn’t told anything else. Sasago angrily vents her frustration at feeling he doesn’t rely on the three of them more, and instead keeps calling upon Natsume and Nyanko-sensei when he needs help. She thinks her powers, and Urihime and Hiiragi’s, should be enough for him. Urihime tells her she needs to keep a cool head, lest she fall vulnerable to that youkai’s powers of deception. They just need to wait and follow orders]

[Natsume is running through the corridors trying to call out to Natori]

Natsume: This is bad, we’ve lost sight of him.

Nyanko-sensei: The audacity of this youkai to go back into hiding!

Natsume: Sensei, can’t you sense Natori-san anywhere?

Nyanko-sensei: Idiot! Do you think it’s easy finding that guy in a home belonging to his blood relatives?

Natsume: [internal narration: “The Natori clan…”] They were a family of exorcists… why is it empty now?

Nyanko-sensei: You should have asked him that earlier if you were so curious about it.

Natsume: Natori-san always lets me tell him about stuff… like with the Book of Friends for instance… Does he hold back telling me about these things? If he finds it hard to talk to me…

Nyanko-sensei: Hmph, don’t be ridiculous. Anyway, it looks like the residents simply moved out.

Natsume: From an old house like this?

Nyanko-sensei: Maybe they decided an apartment or boarding house would be better.

(In Japanese, these words rhyme–manshon, “mansion”, and penshon, “pension”–but since mansion means something very different in English I wasn’t sure how to translate it in a way that keeps Nyanko-sensei’s rhyming and intonation).

Natsume: But what made them decide to leave all of a sudden? It’s so neat and tidy, but all the furniture and miscellaneous items and clothing… it looks to be in the same condition as when people lived here…. [internal narration: “It’s almost as if–”]

[A phone rings, startling both of them. Natsume looks over and sees a small table with a phone on it. He picks it up]

Natsume: –Hello?

Voice from phone: Ah, sorry for calling so late at night.

Natsume: [internal narration: “This voice…”] Natori-san…!? Thank goodness. Where are you?

[Another voice answers from Natsume’s end]

Unknown: Shuuichi? This is unusual for you.

[There’s a shadowy silhouette of a tall adult man where Natsume is standing. The phone call continues]

“Natori”: Uncle, I have a favor to ask. Could I look through your storehouse at some point?

“Uncle”: The storehouse? What for?

“Natori”: I hear there are exorcism tools left behind in my family’s storehouse, so wouldn’t some be in yours as well?

“Uncle”: …What are you hoping to find? Our exorcist business is obsolete.

“Natori”: It really will be obsolete if no one bothers doing anything about it. It’s gotten to the point where weak individuals are fully reliant on stronger influences… This tendency frustrates me. I haven’t run away yet, but I sense a constant air of vigilance from the older family members. I feel they’d rather direct all that fear towards me… I’m starting to get the hang of spells and writings, but still… isn’t there anything more valuable?

“Uncle”: From our clan? What kinds of things?

“Natori”: ...I don’t know, but if everything has been eradicated… The Natori clan was very experienced with acquiring spells. What methods must they have had for keeping humans safe from youkai? I’m certain with those, I could protect all of you and fearlessly face opponents. Through those means, maybe the scorn of my runaway family would disappear, and I could restore our name to its former glory. If I study ways to become stronger, I’m sure… I’m sure–

“Uncle”: It seems fine to me if you really want to have a look around. It doesn’t have to just be the storehouse, feel free to search anywhere in the estate or courtyard if you’d like. This house must have some secrets hiding in it. If there’s something here to discover, I’m sure you’re the only person in the family who could find it…. Say, Shuuichi, do you believe there’s any hope left for us? With what’s left, I feel this house is already empty.

“Natori”: –Uncle?

“Uncle”: You can drop by tomorrow. I’ll leave the key for you.

[The phone hangs up]

Natori: [showing up in the hallway] I went over the next day, and no one was there.

Natsume: [turning around] –Natori-san.

Natori: [looking out the window]. So cold… it sure is a snowy day. The nearby relatives rushed over when I got in contact with them. Gossip got around that my aunt and uncle fled because they feared youkai had come to get revenge, but they left the place so neat and tidy. Everyone said they were depressed that they still bore no children while living at this large estate, so they must have forsaken the family. If that was the reason for their disappearance, it seemed they had no choice but to pack up and leave. After that, I used the key my uncle left behind to search the premises, to discover what this “secret” was all about. However, I didn’t find anything related to the hidden mysteries or powerful methods of the Natori clan. Instead, I came to realize why I have no younger relatives. My family became frightened when they found out what I could see. It was their desire to completely sever our fate with youkai. If I could see them, then perhaps the next child born would be able to as well–... My uncle–my father’s younger brother–was a quiet, gentle man. He was the only person in the family who didn’t feel any scorn towards me. One day, I remembered something about this house.

[There’s a frame of his uncle handing him, apparently when he was a child, the piece of paper with the names on it that Natsume saw earlier]

Years ago, my uncle handed me an important name: “Mitsuru”. It was his desire that the family not know of its existence. However, it was lost because of me… the name of my younger cousin.

[Natsume looks at him, and then starts to reach out his hand]

Natsume: It wasn’t your fau–

[A string of paper dolls wraps around “Natori”]

Natori: Silence, abomination.

[The illusion dissipates, and the real Natori shows up in the hallway, holding a talisman]

Natori: What are you doing, listening to this impostor’s nonsense? See? Surely you can distinguish between that and the brilliance of the real thing.

Natsume: Natori-san!

Natori: I’m so glad you’re safe… I can’t turn my back for one second without you disappearing. You sure gave me a scare.

Natsume: Then, that was a youkai illusion just now?

Natori: It seems to be its powers of transformation. It probably can’t put up a fight while it’s lurking somewhere in its true form, but… Good grief…..

Natsume: [internal narration: –its powers…] ...That voice I heard over the phone earlier sounded like you.

Natori: Huh?

Natsume: And your uncle was beginning to tell you about a secret...

Natori: ...Did it see that?... But, you shouldn’t take that too seriously, Natsume. After all, it was a youkai using what it saw inside me to create a convincing illusion, so–

Natsume: But, what I saw in the illusion really was a glance into your memories, was it not? The never ending snowfall, the piece of paper, the youkai running around earlier–

Natori: I suppose so, but… there’s nothing to talk about since I don’t remember much–

Natsume: Rather than what you can’t remember, at this house… there’s the matter of pretending you couldn’t see or hear the youkai, correct?

Natori: –Yes.

Natsume: I think I understood it a little. Your uncle said there’s a secret in this house, and you’re the only person in the family who could look for it. And when it comes down to it, you’re the only one who can see youkai. I heard there were many in this house when you were a child, so that likely means those youkai know what the secret is. Therefore, if you could find out something from them…

Natori: I see…

Natsume: [internal narration: There must have been some youkai who were witness to the secret]

Natori: Still, there may not be any here I could learn something from since I drove them all out. But, if any of them have gotten back in through the barrier since then… No… that mask is—

[there’s a panel of the small youkai wearing the six-eyed mask]

END OF CHAPTER

#natsume yuujinchou #natori shuuichi #natsume takashi #nyanko sensei #natsume’s book of friends

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hoodieofholland · 3 years ago

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Can u write a tickling war with best-friend!tom. Maybe Haz records them and post on insta so fans start to ship them ? ❤️

A/n: added some context first, got this idea and couldn't help but write it, hope you dont mind :)

Friends to lovers au - Actor!tom x best friend!reader

Warnings: none, just fluffy stuff

Masterlist

"Have anything planned for the evening, love?"

You hear Tom calling for you, but decide to keep reading the book on your hands nonetheless, not daring to avert your gaze to his face. Keeping a stoic face, you read through the lines of your book, though you're not really paying any attention to it. You just wanted to teach your best friend a lesson.

"Y/n? You here?" He chuckles nervously, trying to ease the thick air of tension he brought to himself. You were mad at Tom since last night, when he admitted he watched a movie with a girl, his date - a movie that both of you were excited to watch.

You shouldn't be so mad at it, you thought to yourself, but you were. Tom was your best friend, and you wanted all the best things for him, but that didn't mean putting any other girl above you. Knowing that he spent a precious time - which is pretty scarse for him because of his job - with another woman, watching your favorite movie together, drove you mad.

And, obviously, it did have something to do with your little crush on him, but you'd never - ever - admit this part.

"Y/n, darling, won't you talk to me?", he sighed, taking a seat on the couch besides you. You're taking most of its space, but he doesn't mind, touching your ankle ever so softly.

"I'm not your darling, for what I recall", you say in a cold and empty voice, flipping a page on your book.

Tom sighs heavily. He knows it's not true, but he feels hurt anyways. "Well, at least you're not giving me the silence treatment", he mumbles to himself, under his breathe. You look at him through your lashes, face still down.

"I would, if I wanted to", you flip through another page, "But came to the conclusion that it's not worth my time nor energy".

Tom grimaces, knowing you were joking, but not liking your tone. "Y/n, love, I've told you I'm sorry, okay? It won't happen again".

His pleading voice touches your insides, and you squirm on your seat. Once you make the mistake of looking to his face, into those beautiful puppy brown eyes, you sigh in defeat, closing your book and putting it aside.

"It better not, Holland", you cross your arms. Tom wrinkles his nose.

"Don't call me that"

"Well, since you're in redemption, I think I might call you whatever the shit I want", you say, shrugging.

Tom opens his mouth in chock, but doesn't argument. "So, we're fine again?"

You pout, a fake deep in thoughts expression, before saying, "We'll see about that. For now, I rather be on my own company and maybe watch some of my favorite movies alone. Or maybe I should invite Haz"

Tom narrows his eyes. "Your favorite movies are my favorite movies", he says as a matter of fact.

"Yes, that's correct", you give him a victory smile and then get up from the sofa. "So, I'll be back in-"

Before you can finish your sentence or moves, a yelp scapes your throat by the surprise when Tom grabs your hips and pull you back to the sofa, your back landing on it not so softly.

"What the fu-"

"You're not gonna do it, y/n", Tom says, taking hold of your wrists and pinning both of your hands above your head. And though he was so talented on what he did for a living, you couldn't say he was playing the greatest role now, pretending to be stern and mad while hovering his body over yours. In fact, you could see his playful smirk on the corner of his thin lips. "'Cause now you're held against your will. And if you wanna watch those movies so bad, you're gonna take my company, you liking it or not".

"Unfair. You take another girl to watch what I wanted to, but I can't invite Haz, my incredibly friendly best friend?", you tease, wiggling your brows, but Tom's smile drops.

"He's not your best friend", Tom states, the grip on your wrists getting a little tighter.

"From now on, I decided that this is him".

Tom's face assumes an expression of doubt, just to fade to a smug one once again. "You're just jealous".

You arch your brows, incredulous. His breathing is so close to your face right now that you can sense your closeness, and if you're not imagining this yourself, it was very possible that the both of you touched each other's lips right now.

"Jealous of what?", you swallow thickly, eyes averting to his lips on them on. You can see his smirk growing immediately.

"Well, darling...", he emphasized, his accent thick enough to send shivers down your spine. "You're jealous of my date".

"Only on your imagination, Thomas", you split too quickly, which didn't make it any easier to swipe off that smugness on his face. If anything, it just made the whole situation worse.

"It's clear as water to me", he leans in, a wide smile plastered on his face, making his eyes wrinkle. The air seems to be stuck on your throat as he does so, and your heart scapes a beat when he gives you a sweet kiss on your cheek. "But you don't have to, sweetheart. You're the only girl I wanna around".

You know you shouldn't take this to the heart, but it's not up to you the tight feeling on your chest when you hear these words. You try yo convince yourself that he only says it as a friend, but something in his eyes, in the way he speaks those words with so much meaning slipping out of his lips, makes you imagine that wanted to share something else with you.

You sigh, feeling your walls break down. Tom was a charmer, you knew it already, but the way he spook with you, the sweetness of his words were beyond this part of his personality.

"You sound convincing", you try to say playfully, but you don't smile and stare directly into his eyes. He does the same.

"Because it's true", Tom tucks a piece of hair behind your ear, avoiding your eyes as he loses himself in his thoughts. "Yesterday, I realized that I was looking for something that I already have. Isn't it dumb?", he looks at you with a kind yet insecure smile. You give it back.

"Well, it doesn't surprise me". You heartbeat is so quick that you can bet he can listen to it, for the proximity. He's so pretty. You want to tell him that you feel like this, that you couldn't chase whatever you and Tom had, that this part of your life felt complete.

But the moment you part your lips to say so, Tom's smile widens and he releases your wrists just to take his hands to your belly. "You sure about that, love? Wanna take it back?", he says, a devilish smile playing on his face.

"Never"

"You asked for it, y/n", and then it all started. Tom started to tickle your belly, just on your weak point, where he knew you were more sensitive at. You quickly loose your air, gasping and laughing at the same time as he works his fingers on your skin.

"Oh, my God, Tom, stop!", you yell, rolling to the sides as you try to kick him away from you. Tom laughs' fill the air around you, and it's the most beautiful sound of your day.

"Make me, darling"

You fight with all your strength (and part of you believe he left his body loosen a bit, so you could have any chance to turn the game over). Finally, you're able to throw your body towards his and have him laying on the couch instead, your body over his as you tickle his neck, holding him im place by lacing his lower half with your legs.

"Not so funny, uh?" You tease, watching as his body squirms under you. You laugh along him, but it's not much time until he starts to tickle you back.

"What the hell you guys doing? Can hear you from across the-" Haz enters the living room, stopping in his tracks as soon as he catches the sight of his two friends in a tickling war. He chuckles silently, amused by the way you looked like a lovely couple already.

He knew about Tom's crush on you, and even though you'd never verbalize it, he had an idea about yours too. He sigh contentedly, a peaceful smile on his face, leaning against the door frame. The two of you don't even notice the moment he grabs his phone and point the camera at you, recording the scene.

Tom suddenly flip the two of you, propping himself on his elbows over you. "Say you're sorry", he demands out loud, still managing to tickle you.

"I- I have nothing- to be sorry abou-" you can't even speak an entire sentence, out of breath as you fight to win the battle. "You the one in redemption!"

Haz has to hold back his laughter. What two love birds.

He stops the filming when the two of you seem tired enough and are about to give up the tickling war. Making his way back discreetly, he opens his Instagram app and post the video as a Stories.

After the fight, reconciliation

Laughing to himself, he shakes his head and post.

Haz didn't know it by the time he posted the video, but by the end of that day, the internet would be overwhelmed with so many messages shipping you and Tom, who couldn't avoid the obvious fact that both of you were in love with each other anymore.

#tom holland #tom holland blurbs #tom holland imagines #tom holland fic #tom x reader #friend to lovers!tom #tom holland fluff #actor!tom #best friend!reader

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