#yes this is about the job situation again (see my post from yesterday)

[theflyingfeeling]

aaaarrghghgh 😭

[arkus-rhapsode]

So Rudo and Follo in Gachiakuta Chapter 117... (Mini Discussion)

So the newest Gachiakuta chapter came out yesterday. A bit of a breather chapter after the last few revelations that ended up adding to the character of Follo. However something happened in this chapter that caught my eye.

So for a brief summary, during the last arc of Gachiakuta, Rudo and Follo swapped clothes to trick Kuro the Information Broker. Follo has been a pretty reoccurring side character, portrayed as a Cleaner assistant who helps in combat but aims at being an actual Giver. Follo though really could only contribute to their fight in small ways. So of course he feels a bit guilty and wants to give Rudo a replacement uniform. But Rudo rejects it.

Now, for those not aware I personal interpret Rudo as an autistic character. I have a whole big post about it, that can be read here. Where I go into a level of detail on why this is my reading of the character though I'm not going to say for certain that this was an intentional choice on the part of Kei Urana the author. But one such piece of evidence to my forming of this perspective is Rudo has an affinity for broken things and has a hyper fixation to fixing them.

Because of this we can infer that why Rudo rejects Follo's gift of a new uniform is because Rudo himself wouldn't throw away an object that he sees value in even if its damaged. Now it could've stopped there, but this moment between Follo and Rudo continues with Follo trying to convince Rudo to take his new uniform.

At first Follo is clearly sheepish about this. There's a guilt inside him for how things turned out and this is how he chooses to apologize. Its small, but its the best he can do. However, when presenting Rudo the gift we see this-

Follo bucks up, covering up his guilty feelings and just trying to apologize to Rudo indirectly. But Rudo rejects this, as stated previously, Rudo's fixation on not abandoning items that he sees value in is part of who he is. Even something as simple as his uniform is his. So naturally we can understand that when Follo acts like this isn't a big deal but he should change, Rudo rejects it.

And so Follo just relents and walks away, frustrated in himself and how once again his contributions don't help at all.

So... one of the common signifiers of being on the Autism Spectrum is an inability to read social cues. A common thing in polite society is to sometimes communicate without saying things. Some people can pick up on these very easy, reading a person's emotion and their non-verbal forms of communication like gestures. But there is a level of social unawareness in individuals on the Autistic Spectrum who fail at these readings. This can be in a variety of reasons such as not understanding the difference in someone's tone, difficulty in reading facial expressions, and inability to understand indirect intentions of an individual. These can often times lead to unfortunate or awkward situations where the Autistic Individual has hurt a person's feeling or misinterprets a person's intentions without fully understanding why-making it harder for them to learn what they did wrong. It can also be very unfortunate for the neurotypical individual who has these feelings and can feel as if the Autistic Individual is being insensitive to them and their emotional state.

We see both sides of that situation here with Rudo and Follo. We already have been inside Rudo's head in this story. We know why he feels the wy that he feels. We can get into his mind space. That's why this exchange is don't from the perspective of Follo's headspace. We can see his internal guilt as well as his feelings of inferiority to someone like Rudo. But Rudo can't. Rudo only yes Follo trying to give him a uniform and it not being a big deal. But afterwards we continue to see Follo's mind space and how he saw this exchange with Rudo. Reliving how much other regular people around him consider his job lame and being a lackey to people more special than him. With Rudo's rejection of the new uniform being seen harshly and coldly through Follo's eyes.

Now of course, I didn't want this post to be a "Rudo is Autistic and Here's Why!" While I have said that is my personal interpretation of the character and do have a chapter like this to be another reaffirmation of that belief, I think it is worth acknowledging that Gachiakuta is a series with a very prevalent underlying theme of people's feelings and how those are manifested and communicated with.

Characters like Zanka try to hide their real feelings of elation at praise because they don't consider themselves a genius and get a full head. Rudo's powers enhance the "feelings" an object may hold such as Griss's good luck charm that Gross wore because he wanted everyone to be safe and thus it turned into a defensive power for Rudo. Amp is a character whose twisted sense of love ensures other people trapping them in their good memories etc.

This feels like a natural extension of that theme. Follo is holding these emotions and as such Rudo is unable to truly understand the "why" of Follo's act. While I said that inability to read social cues is part of indicators of those on the spectrum may experience, I don't want to discount there are likely Neurotypical people who have had moments of this. If someone doesn't tell you how they feel then how can you act accordingly? Urana takes a very empathetic approach with her characters. And being able to see why they feel the way that they do is important for making that connection. Its when Amo is honest about her backstory and why she developed her interpretation of love and Rudo admits his own fault for the frustrations that he feels about having his emotions played with were the two ultimately able to reach out and connect with one another.

In the case of Follo and Rudo, Follo isn't making that known. So all Rudo can do is act as he usually does when it comes to damaged items. I don't know if this was added in translation or if the original Japanese is a similar, but props to Rudo's rejection being "No. Thank You." Rather than a frank "No." Its a perfect knife twist, because Rudo is clearly trying to have some manners in his rejection, but Follo still sees it so cold and is hurt by it. It really makes both these characters feel justified in both dismissal and frustration. And its all done in a non lecturing type of way. Its people being people and we are allowed to be inside their heads.

Anyway, this chapter of Gachiakuta surprisingly got to me. And I really want to make a discussion on why. Hope Urana keeps on dropping bangers like this.

[boundbyeclipse]

📬

alright, since i’m so open with you all on this app, i think it’s best if i talk about my struggles and let myself be heard. considering my previous post about my roommate/friend, this one will be exactly about our journey that began a few years back. i’ll warn you, this post is very open and honest, and also quite long. if you are willing to read everything - thank you for your time. now let me start.

so, four years ago, 2019, at the end of summer, we both moved in together to another city, away from our parents and out of our hometown. we have always joked about living together, but didn’t think it would come true. well, it did. i guess it was just meant to happen. everything was good for the first two years, we spent so much time together, even worked at the same place, until she met this guy. well, it was a messy situationship but i won’t get into details about it out of respect. the important part is, when she started dating him, there no longer was any proper girl time. whenever we decided to watch a movie, or do something together, it would just always end up with her dashing through the door just to see that guy. or he would come over and the “party” would be over in a second. it always happened like that. and what hurt me the most, (i remember this like it happened yesterday) was one time, we were drinking wine, and dancing, just having fun. and me being an emotional person, (ofc the alcohol affected me even more) i began to cry so hard because i felt lonely (relationship wise). she patted my back, told me that i will find someone one day. but then, suddenly she gets a text from him and rushes to get ready to go to his place. so she leaves. i’m all alone. i’m crying sitting on the FLOOR. and it’s all because she was so naive and needed sex. i understand, first boyfriend, falling head over heels and all that stuff causes you to be naive, but it shouldn’t cross the line to the point where you totally ignore your best fucking friend who needs a person by their side. i felt so abandoned, so sick to my stomach, because the ONLY person i relied on and trusted so much did that to me. and even if i managed to kind of cool down and lowkey forgive her for that (i never actually talked to her about that night), i still remember it. i don’t think that’s what best friends do.

next, some time after that, i fell into a bad place again, i left that job, wanted to find a new one, and it took me a bit of time to achieve that. but during the time while i wasn’t working, my mom offered me to move out and go back to my hometown. i said no, because i didn’t want to go, i liked it here and i liked the fact that i had my private space and could explore a city that i wasn’t familiar with before coming here. she begged me to stay here because she would not have known what to do with the rent. and since we pay it in half, she would have to pay the full rent until a new person was found if i left. so i stayed for me and for HER.

two more years passed by, and i’m in a very similar situation right now. i haven’t gotten any luck with finding a new job. it’s a struggle. and what does she do this time? she tells me “this is the last month you’re living here if you can’t get a job”. and it’s not on me if nobody is interested in calling me for an interview, right? 11 applications, but 0 calls. am i at fault here? no. so now she basically threatens me with kicking me out?? no problem, i’m packing my bags day by day, because this is not what i want anymore. yes, starting life in a different location was always exciting, but i’ve gotten sick of it. i miss my family. i miss my home. and it doesn’t matter if i have gotten used to this city, this apartment, this lifestyle, i just feel like i don’t belong here anymore. my gut is telling me “go, you’ll be better off back HOME” and i cannot keep ignoring it.

i also just had her talk about me in the kitchen like i’m not home or can’t hear her. and what i hate the most is that she never talks to me about any issue eye to eye. it’s always behind my back or through the texts. if you are that unsatisfied with how things are going for me and how my mental health is, talk to me in person. no friend goes around and talks about their friend who’s so close to them behind their back. this is completely unacceptable and disrespectful.

so, i have been gathering my things and i am getting ready to move out. it’s time. and yes, i will have to start everything from zero, but if that’s what i feel like is best to do, i’m going to do it.

if you made it this far - thank you for your time. i just wanted to pour my emotions out and tell my beloved mutuals what i’ve been going through. thank you everyone 🤍

[unknownb0yg1rl]

Didn’t post this yesterday bc I was absolutely exhausted so I apologize, anyways here’s the update of my entire fucking weekend bc it was a tc filled wreck. So as some of yall know my tc has never taught me and never worked in my school however he has helped me with my work before. This starts Friday when I get back from doing something really late. I don’t get home till one and I have work in literally three hours, so being the codependent hoe I am I text him complaining about it. The next day (Saturday) guess who spends the ENTIRE DAY at my work. I am about 99% sure I almost tackled him to the ground when I saw him. So like while we hug he keeps walking us backwards so he can talk to my mom who is behind me (yes I work with my mommy but it is no longer healthy so I’m looking for a new job) he just hold on to me the entire time he’s talking and when I tell yall he smells so fucking good. Anyways I work for a few more hours and my dad picks me up (no I don’t have my license or a car but I’m working on it) when I get home I am in so much pain that literally nothing helps with. I text him crying (again) and he tells me “if I could take away all your pain I would” and I literally fall asleep thinking about that. Sunday nothing major happens but I am supposed to meet him on Monday and I’m so looking forward to that. Monday comes and we open late so I didn’t have to come in till like 11. The first thing I do is walk around and clean things up and guess who tf I see. He ends up spending literally all day at my work again. I get off at 2:30 and go find him and he helps me with a paper I’m writing, there is an entire paragraph about him in there. And when we get to the paragraph about him he goes “aww you’re so sweet honey” well we finish my paper and I ask him if he could drive me home, AND HE SAYS YES. The minute we get out instead of pulling out his cigarettes like he usually does he pulls out a fucking vape (was not happy abt this bc I think vapes look dumb but whatever im still a fiend) I have my cigs in my bag and I wanted to smoke before we got to his car bc he doesn’t smoke in his car but I don’t say anything and js keep walking bc I can js smoke when I get home. Anyways we get to his car and he starts playing music and THE LYRICS RELATING TO ME AND HIS SITUATIONS?!? Anyways we pass his vape back and forth the entire way to my house. I had so much fun w him but I never wanted to leave his car bc it smelled like him and it smelled so fucking good. He drove me home and refused to let me give him gas money. I actually fall more and more in love with him everyday.

Reminders I am an adult who can consent and has the ability to do whatever she pleases and make her own decisions

[writerfae]

Hi!

So, I just now noticed that the link for The first regents of fae alignments was working, and I read what their each of their regalia can do, and I have a lot of thoughts!

(I apologize if I misspelled any names)

First:

Cathan's is a bow and arrow that never misses... do I remember correctly that you said Rook and his relationship was similar to Henry and Aiden? Because if so, then: OH MY GOD!

Even if I don't: someone give that thing to Aiden! Let him play with it!

Second:

I would like Brynn's dagger that never strikes down someone innocent, please! That one's my favorite, I think.

It also got me thinking about what regalia my ocs would want/have, and I think it's really interesting:

Starting with Endre:

While I don't think I would actually give him one since he's magic is already so powerful by itself I will say that Caitria's shield that can cast a protective barrier kinda does a similar thing to Endre's wings:

They say that even one triarhist can grow their wings to be so large that they can hide the whole country behind them.

A triarhist's first and most important job is to protect. Even beyond that, Endre is a very protective person. If someone he loves is having problems, he tries to step in to help.

Ákos:

Fionn's spear that always spends warmth and light.

While Ákos doesn't know how to use a spear that well, some of his fondest memories are when Bendegúz showed him how to use his spear. Not only that, but what he learned from Bendegúz came in very handy in the Black swamp.

The Black swamp is cold, wet, and endlessly dark. When Adél and Bendegúz found him and finally warmed him up, that was one of the best feelings in the world. A feeling that I'm sure he'd want to share with others, too. That's why i'd give him the spear.

Bendegúz:

Bendegúz is a fighter, yes, but despite the fact that he jokes about fighting people constantly, when it comes down to it he is one of the first people to take a situation seriously (even if he continues to joke around).

Also, to him, wielding a weapon isn't just about conquering an enemy. It can be fun and creative.

This is why I think he'd either have Rook's sword or Cathan's bow and arrow. I think he'd use them quite wisely and creatively

Adél:

For Adél I actually think what would be fun if she was actually in a position like Cryptan, someone who serves her king, maybe even as a guard (Bendegúz in this case, because I think it'd be fun switching up which one of them is royalty)

(Though she'd look magnificent with Rook's sword)

Bonus:

Someone give Odette the dagger for dramatic irony

Hi! I only fixed the link yesterday, actually! It took me forever to find that damn post. I don’t even know if it’s still correct, there might’ve been some changes, but I need to check that first…

You do remember correctly! Rook and Cathan were pretty close. They liked to go hunting together, the bow came in quite handy there.

The dagger is a good choice! Then again, all are. I’d rather go for the shield, personally.

It’s interesting to see what regalia your ocs would want! The only remaining question now is what they would get, since the regalia were a gift from the gods and therefore couldn’t be chosen! The first regents all got the regalia that fits best to them.

I think since Odette is more than willing to sacrifice innocent people, the dagger would refuse her. That mindset, however noble the intentions might be, is completely against the nature of the dagger. So I’m not sure if she’d get to keep it 🙈

[writingkitten]

Hi, Kitten!

So, I know it has been a long time since I talk to you for real. How have you been? I read the post about you feeling a little unappreciated, and about you vomiting blood. I hope you're better. Also, I hope that you know that your writing is a fucking relief and an escape from the real world; for some of us, you're someone who brings so much joy and comfort. I'm sorry that I haven't engaged so much with you, but I have had many little things in my head.

I've felt kinda weird, like sad and tired, and it doesn't help that I've been making dumb decisions or not doing anything when I should, for example, a "Friend" told me he liked me (but he has a wife so it's fucking awkward 'cause I don't like him that way and I'm not the kind of girl who is with a cheating person), however instead of getting out of the situation and like maybe stop being friends, I just told him to don't mentioned again, but I'm still friends with him 'cause I just see him as a good friend of mine but I now notice that he just sees me with lust and that's uncomfortable.

Also, I had my first date ever and sadly the guy didn't feel any sparks, although I did, we stay friends 'cause he wanted to keep me in his life and I agreed, instead of just letting him go, a little part of me thinks that maybe he will change his mind and like me back; which is fucking stupid, but I can't control feeling it and it doesn't help that he treats me some days like we're still in a romantic path and then changes his mind other days and treats me like a bro, but again I don't fucking do anything about it.

I guess I am a little pathetic and needy 'cause I dreamed of companionship without doing something to date anyone for real, and I just accept what I can... 'cause I'm kinda scared of being alone, but I'm also scared of trying to go out and like not coming back or something.

There are also some things that I can't do anything about; for example, my grandma has cataracts in her eyes; the good thing is that we will be able to pay for her surgery next year. So that's very great but scary.

Also, I was sent to another area in my job to be certificated and be paid more; however, yesterday, I had a work accident, where a kind of hard plastic curtain fell on my right hand (and yes, I'm right-handed), so I had to go to the hospital today. The good thing is that I'm fine, there's no fracture or anything, but you know, it was kinda scary.

So yeah, many things going on, but a little bit of good news in there and I'm holding on to that; also I bought (before knowing about my grandma) the new Harry Potter OPPO phone (and no, I don't support JK), it's pretty cool.

And... That's a lot, isn't it? Sorry, I tend to get carried away, I hope I don't make you uncomfortable or something. Have a good day/afternoon/night 🫂☺️

-🐾

First of all, never apologize for your real life take precedence over online life. Taking care of yourself and things around you irl is far more important.

Second, I’m so sorry you’re dealing with all of this relationship stuff. If I could give you some advice, it would be to have clear, honest communication with the guy that keeps going back and forth on the romantic front, and to stay the hell away from the married guy. If he’s willing to cheat on his wife, he will be willing to cheat on you. I know it’s a difficult thing to do, but you deserve so much better than both of them.

Third, I’m sorry about the work stuff and having to go to the hospital. The first time I went to hospital by myself, I was terrified. This may not be your first time by yourself, but the scariness is still valid. I’m happy you’re alright though, I would’ve been so sad if you had a fracture!!

I’m glad you can look at the positives, though. When things are tough, that’s one of the best things that can keep you going.

I’m proud of you, 🐾. Take care of yourself, live yourself, and don’t let the world bring you down. You are loved.

[dreaminginthedeepsouth]

THE WIND HAS CHANGED

TCINLA

APR 19, 2024

Think of America as an 18th Century sailing ship - think of it as “Old Ironsides”! - the ship has been becalmed in The Doldrums (that area of the planet where the winds shift from one hemisphere to the other without rhyme or reason) for a long time. The citizen crew are seeing the food supplies drop; the water in the barrels looks increasingly “fishy”. They have manned the longboats to try and tow the ship to “catch the wind” for many days, but to no result.

And then, on a day indistinguishable from any other, there comes a moment...

The Top Royal sail on the foremast flaps. Flaps again. And again...

The spar of the Mainsail on the mainmast creaks slightly as it turns...

The other high sails flap...

The crew watch the sails, intent. Can it be?

And suddenly the sails begin to fill with the wind!

It grows stronger - the lower sails fill.

And the ship begins to move again. Slowly, slowly gaining speed.

She turns in the new direction.

The sails fill in the wind, a magnificent sight.

Old Ironsides gets underway in Boston Harbor - May 21, 2021

I was talking with my counselor during our weekly call yesterday, and she asked me what I was thinking about the current political situation. (This was before the Ukraine aid votes in the House last night) I said that as I see it, the tide is turning, the wind is picking up. Nothing really big (like I said, this was before the Ukraine vote, which is Yuuuuuugge!), but all the little indicators are turning the same direction.

It’s like after the Battle of Midway - the enemy is still strong, still dangerous, but the gutting they received in the fight opened the space for America to take action at Guadalcanal that led to the Japanese never taking offensive action during the war again.

Yes, this November is our “Guadalcanal,” or as we call it here at TAFM after the series on that battle was posted last year, our “American Stalingrad.”

The MAGA movement got splintered last night, and I for one don’t think they have the skill to put Humpty-Dumpty together again. (How’s that for mixed metaphors? Good?)

For one thing, J.D. Vance, Moscow Marge, and the rest of the Space Laser Putin Caucus, got thrown under the bus by Fearless Leader last night - who may not be able to do much, but he can read polls. He knows the wind has shifted, that the wind is filling the sails and we are beginning to move out of The Doldrums. He knows he’s losing control.

After last night, Ukraine aid will pass. Mike Johnson and Mitch McConnell braved the FART (Floor Action Response Team) of the Space Laser Putin Caucus and Did The Right Thing.

Trump gave Mike Johnson and Mitch McConnell the green light, while at the same time casting J.D. Vance, Marjorie Taylor-Greene, and the rest of the Russia Traitors over the side.

The essential line of Trump’s “Truthing” post last night is this: “As everyone agrees, Ukraine Survival and Strength should be much more important to Europe than to us, but it is also important to us!” (Emphasis mine)

He’s not doing this because he cares about Ukraine; he’s doing this because the polls are shifting; he needs fewer hassles. The wind is changing.

He’s doing this because his team knows there are a lot of 1st and 2nd generation Eastern European voters in Michigan, Wisconsin, and Pennsylvania; because even with conservative Republicans, Putin’s approval rating is in single digits.

One of the greatest legacies of breaking the MAGA movement on this issue is that no one loses in this deal:

Ukraine gets weapons. Putin gets hammered. Americans get jobs.

Trumpism - particularly its J.D. Vance-led German-American Bund Putinism - is a pessimistic creed. As Trump says, “We’re the stupid ones.” MAGA is a movement of decline, weakness, of dark forces draining America’s power. Trump and the Space Laser Caucus tell their supporters “We need to retreat, withdraw, hide, and let regional warlords like Putin reign over as much territory as they can seize.”

But what last night showed is it’s okay to win. It’s okay to believe in a just and right cause.

Hee, now, Ukraine is that cause.

This is a contest between Russia, Iran, North Korea, and their banker China, who are desperate to beat the demographic and political clock as their kleptocratic and demagogic systems collapse.

The West, and the Pacific democracies are struggling just to make the world stable while they confront a sweeping array of challenges.

Europe didn’t want this fight, but they know what happens if Russia wins.

It’s taken awhile to fully understand the depth of Putin’s ambition to reassemble the Soviet Union without the stupid communism. Almost everyone gets it now.

This is the world’s fight. Putin must be defeated.

The flow of arms to Ukraine will move quickly. The F-16s are about to deploy. The anti-air and artillery supplies will be restocked.

Most importantly - to me at least - my Ukrainian friends are going to survive.

MAGA broke something in the House. Retirements are up. Swing seats are in danger. The endless infighting has soured many “normie�� Republicans on the Space Laser Caucus and their strategy of screaming, throwing feces like a rabid monkey in a zoo, and all the performative lying. Even in the right-wing media bubble, the act has gotten old.

Fox has had enough of Marjorie Traitor Goon’s tantrums, her unearned sense of entitlement, and her political terrorism.

The perverse incentives of MAGA rewarded the Space Laser Caucus while leaving the rest - or at least those not representing the most ruby-red districts - fearing electoral survival this fall.

It turns out that shitting in the punchbowl is unwelcome over time. The tell is that Fox has slowly stopped booking the MAGA clowns while Rupert and Lachlan try to find and anoint the Next Star after their major fakakte with Desantis.

Gaetz has burned every conceivable bridge. He may think he can run in and win the Florida Governor’s race, but with a vengeful Kevin McCarthy and an even more vengeful Casey DeSantis in the wings, he’s about to “go through some things.” Last night, ABC News reported, “Matt Gaetz attended 2017 party where minor and drugs were present, woman’s sworn statement obtained by Congress claims.”

Lauren Bobert’s star has disappeared. She’s going to lose a race in the most Republican congressional district in Colorado. Jim Comer is now Jaime Raskin’s public punching bag, so stupid that he still actually believes his own BS.

The House GOP is now staring down the barrel of a political gun; there is no joy in Mudville.

Happy warriors like Jamie Raskin, Jared Moskowitz, Eric Swalwell, Jasmine Crockett and others know who is in charge in the House now.

Chuck Schumer managed to keep his caucus together, pulling in some GOP support, as the Senate schooled the Space Laser Caucus about their impeachment clown show of the House. No high drama; just procedural murder

What has been going on at 100 Centre Street in New York City, where Trump is finally facing the prospect of justice for his crimes in a case that now is seen as far more important than it was originally, is also a good sign the tide and wind are changing.

Attorneys selected the final alternate juror in former President Donald Trump’s hush money case this morning, paving the way for opening arguments to begin next week. Everything moved much faster this week than anyone expected.

The Washington Post reported this morning: “A top leader of the national conservative group Turning Point Action, which has amplified false claims of election fraud by former president Donald Trump and others, resigned Thursday after being accused of forging voter signatures on official paperwork so that he could run for reelection in the Arizona House.”

As David Kurtz put it today at TPM, “We are seeing random citizens who are imbued with an innate understanding of what the rule of law means. That civic-minded understanding of the rule of law is the bedrock foundation for the legal structures we erect upon it. Without it, we have nothing. It’s a small sign of hope in a troubled time.” It is indeed!

This is a moment that reminds me of events aboard USS Enterprise on December 7, 1941.

Admiral Halsey had just poured himself a second cup of coffee when his aide dashed into the cabin. “Admiral, there’s an air raid on Pearl!” and informed him of Enterprise aviators being attacked by enemy aircraft over Oahu. Halsey’s first thought was that the Army’s readiness exercise was taking things too far. He leapt to his feet, telling his aide to radio Kimmel that the Army was “shooting down my own boys!” A second aide entered moments later with a message direct from Admiral Kimmel: “AIR RAID PEARL HARBOR X THIS IS NO DRILL.”

Officer of the Deck Lieutenant John Dorsett ordered General Quarters. Nineteen-year old Seaman Jim Barnill, one of Enterprise’s four buglers, sounded the staccato notes of “Boots and Saddles.” Twenty-eight year old First Class Bosun’s Mate Max Lee played his pipe over the 1MC then called “General Quarters! General Quarters! All hands man your battle stations!” Lee’s enlistment was almost up. After the war, he remembered that he then turned to OOD Dorsett and said “We’re at war and I’ll never get out of the Navy alive.”

Dick Best remembered coming onto the flight deck shortly after general quarters had been called and looking up at the island. “The first thing I saw was the biggest American flag I had ever seen, flying from the masthead and whipping in the wind. It was the most emotional sight of the war for me.”

The December 7, 1941 Enterprise Flag

[delta-gambit-au]

I got somewhat emotional today

To be honest, when I joined for the first time the Art Fight of this year, I only expected myself to do the first attacks and get some kind defences or revenges, to hone my art skills and make some new friends in the process with any luck. But because of my sad situation with the computer that disables my tablet that I also used as screen, I can't do art properly. You don't know my surprise when I was checking my socials and I saw that someone made an "attack" on me on the website today, and when I saw what it was, I couldn't contain my tears.

Perhaps I'm a softie or something, but really, I didn't expect someone I barely knew to draw something for me without me doing the deed first 👉👈 And to top it all, as how things are going, it really is the first "fanart" I get of the characters of my AU, so the surprise was deeper for me, and I melted in the process, because it was not a single character but both of them in the same picture which is really optional but 🍏(hope you don't mind the ping @indecisive-vermin ) just made my day (or even my entire month) by drawing Spam and Sears together and... asdkjhfgkdajgfshfdgñ I don't know how to express my gratitude for that 💝

Because I'm waiting for the original author to post it on his blog first so that I can reblog it and give the credit accordingly, I can't upload it directly here. His style is loveable and colourful, a nice treat for the eyes 👁️

And well, bear in mind that all fanarts I receive of my AU will be featured in the gallery inside the game when it gets done. I'll reach to the authors by then to ask them for permission to be added to the game as special mentions.

And as for other updates, the tracker says the new PSU will arrive around the 10th, but I'm afraid that Customs will withhold it for a little longer because of the category of item and the price. I'll just have my fingers extra crossed that nothing blocks me from that replacement for this old computer.

Also, no news about our employer. The 3rd another test was requested and completed, but I believe because of the 4th of July, maybe we'll not get any news from them until next Monday. The waiting is killing us... like, we're awaiting for any response from the 3 employers to see if we're any lucky to land on any of them. Feels like we'll spend this weekend job hunting again because one should have always something in the backburner just in case the current 3 fails to contact us with a "YES U HIRED" by Monday. The interviews and the tests are long so, the quicker you get them done, the better. Man, being an 🦄 is hard in this industry...

But, PERSEVERE WE SHALL 🥊

Yesterday I got to ponder on the designs of the Tasquelings. What it's giving me a bit of headache is the design of their parlourmaid suits and how that will interface with their bodies -- if to give them the classic uniform like the Swatchlings has their own butler uniforms, or to give them something unique... I had a mind of adding a Roomba companion to them for floor cleaning, while the Tasqueling works on something else in the guests rooms. Should I add cat ears to the Roomba? Decisions decisions 🤔In a sense while encountering the Tasquelings you should "fight" against the Tasqueling and a Roomba. I think I should stylize the name of the Roomba because of copyrights... Purrmba? HAH, I think that fits if I add the cat ears to it 😁

[agent-bash]

Does your line of work every make your mind go to super dark places when you see behind the scenes pics for PD and other shows? I’m an ED nurse, and have been freaking out internally about those sweatpants since the pics dropped. I hope it doesn’t mean what I know it can, but I won’t lie and say I don’t have a pit in my stomach now.

Alright, so I’ve gotten this ask, obviously. I addressed it without posting yesterday, and it sparked a few others asking for the “dark theory.” I took some time to assemble thoughts and debate whether I really wanted to put it out there or not. Then someone else pointed out to me that they’d had the same thought, so here we go. I’m going to preface this by saying this is not a theory. It was just a thought. A fleeting thought at that. We all have those. And they're usually coloured by our experiences, like our job.

Tagged out the wazoo and under the cut because we’re about to get very uncomfortable here. So be mindful of that and tread carefully, please.

I’m sure it comes as no surprise that I see bad things on my job. So too, would our Nurse friend here. It’s our reality and something that’s glossed over when people talk about our jobs. Even when we talk about our jobs. So Reality: if you want to become a first responder, know that you will hear things we can’t unhear and you will see things we can’t unsee. And sometimes, even an innocuous thing, can trigger a darker associated thought or memory. But cooler heads prevail and actual thoughts come through. But still we can’t unthink that darker idea, as much as we may wish to.

So how does that take us to 10x20 and a very dark thought? Again, a thought. Not a theory. Never a theory. I don’t want to see it. It’s quite simple. 

In my line of work, blood stains on the rear of someone’s pants, like we see the wardrobe guys putting on Hailey’s sweatpants, more often than not mean one thing. A violent sexual assault. 

Literally only once, in almost ten years on the job, as a stain like that on a patient, not been because of sexual assault or worse. So that is what first, tragically, crossed my mind when I saw those pants. Now when I first saw the pics of those pants, I didn't know they were (likely) Hailey's.

So is Hailey being sexually assaulted (again) or worse, a thought that crossed my mind? Yes, in a roundabout way I guess. Do I think it will be that? No. As I said, it was an initial thought until the asks started coming in; it went no further. And I really don’t think the show will go there. And here’s why:

It would be so ruthlessly dark for the writers to go that route. It’s already been a pretty heavy season for Hailey, emotionally and physically. And while I think the episode will also be hard and heavy, on her (and us). This? It’s way too much.

And luckily, the show's history is on my side here a bit. Sexual assault to our mains is something they’ve largely shied away from. Yes, we know Hailey has been sexually assaulted. But that was a tell, not a show. It was in the past. It happened before we met her. It's still awful. It's still an experience she had. But it's not one we got to see and experience with her. And that's what's kind of important here. This idea of telling, not showing, a past (that we don't actually see,) not a present (at any point of the show where we will), seems to be at the tiptop of their comfort level with storylines, for the main characters.

A reoccurring character? Fair game. We’ve seen it twice. Cases? No, duh, it's a cop drama. But to the main characters? So far, and that far? Thankfully a no. Hopefully always a no.

There are other ways for the blood to get there. Transfer the most obvious. Hailey will sit in, fall in, or be knocked into a blood smear. Is it her own? I'm gonna go with probably. What is the exact situation? No idea! I heard something about MMA-type fighters being cast, and I believe it was for this episode, so I'm going with underground fight club, which no lie was a fic idea I was toying with a while back. We'll find out in a couple weeks.

So yeah, call it a dark theory if you want. For sure a dark, very dark thought. But not something at all, I think, is likely to happen. The worst of worse-case scenarios.

[theflyingfeeling]

give up before you suffocate (literally) ✌️

tried to get a doctor's/nurse's apppointment for my throat because it's been aching since Sunday and I haven't been able to speak properly since Wednesday and I can't sleep at night because the pain is unbearable and NOTHING HELPS but the nurse I was talking with online said 'nah just try this painkiller mix and some disinfective tablets and warm honey water' (okay fair enough I haven't tried that) but I don't have those exact painkillers at home and the tablets I've been using haven't done shit so I'd have to go to pharmacy but I'm scared because when I tried to do that earlier today I ended up having to turning back home (the pharmacy is like 50 m from where I live) because I got a terrible coughing fit that brought tears to my eyes and sometimes these coughing fits even alert my gag reflex which kind sucks you know because it's as if I'm about to throw up but nothing actually comes out 💀 but I also can't order the stuff from the online pharmacy that offers consulting online because I've already ordered from them yesterday and today (when my trip to the pharmacy failed) and I'm just too embarrassed to order from them AGAIN?? 😭🙈 (yes this is a problem shut up)

so yeah, when BC said give up before you suffocate I took that personally because lol everytime I try to speak (just to see if I'm able to yet), every other syllable is just wheezing while every other syllable is completely soundless, and I can only speak until I either run out of breath or get a coughing fit, so even if I made it to the pharmacy alive, I'd have to either write down what I need or idk fucking pantomime it I guess 😑 the throat situation is even worse because during the day it doesn't bother me that much because I don't pay attention to it (I can feel the most pain when I swallow) so I THINK it's getting better, but then the night comes and I go to bed and have too much time to focus on the way and how often I swallow and how much more it hurts every time and 😩😩😩😩😩

at least I don't have fever anymore and my leggies haven't been achy since Wednesday, but I've got a runny nose, which is honestly the LEAST of my worries right now, although my right ear being completely blocked because of it is a bit of a bummer (btw is it normal to hear your own pulse in your ear? been too scared to google this ahaha if it's something serious pls don't tell me I want to go swiftly)

welp, since I can't do anything useful like prepare for my upcoming new job (🙃) or write my fic (😭), I'm gonna project the remains of my sanity on rant posts like this I guess lol I hope you enjoyed I'm off to die on my way to the pharmacy now 💅

[wtftarot]

Review of "Five Card, Indepth Reading on Career" (7/20/24)

LISTEN UP Y'ALL, Ash's intuition is not to be fucked around with. Even without me posing a specific Tarot question related to career, she picked up SO MUCH that even I am shookth and in AWE of the absolute amount of specific details she picked up: past, present, future, even more "mundane" details (like Spirit telling me to get into a specific niche hobby I've been putting off)! 😂 

The full dirty details (Warning: in ADHD word vomit form) are down below in terms of how MUCH got picked up if you're somehow curious/nosy of what went down in my personal reading. ☕ 

For those with less time to mull over the specific proof, here's the TLDR; version of my review of Ash's tarot services:

Ash's tarot readings are piercingly insightful, accurate, and reliable. She delivered the reading (and my requested pictures of the cards!!!) in a timely, friendly manner (hell, even within the next morning upon yesterday's payment?!). Best $13 I ever spent, especially given other pricer readings I've seen in and outside of Tumblr. 

Definitely give her a try, cause while she'll be honest about what she finds, she's also no monster in what she delivers either. Definitely wanna order another reading from her again when the calling is right. All in all, her readings are good medicine for the soul, I would say! 💪🤩

-----------------

Excerpt of My Live Reaction Upon Receiving my Reading (LMAO, so sorry Ash, I word vomited all over your DMs 😂):

Holy fucking crap. I'll be sure to save your reading and the pictures, to post it on a wall somewhere to remind myself by! No regrets buying your five card indepth reading cause like I said, HOLY. CRAP?!! 

Cause real talk, Ash: you picked up on a LOT more than I expected even without me giving you a specific question related to my career! 🤯 

As for things that stood out to me in terms of your uncanny accuracy and wisdom, I'll try to keep them in specific order of the cards [Warning: Enthusiastic ADHD Word Vomit Ahead]:

1.) For the 6 of Pentacles: It's funny you took certain specific words right out of my mouth. I had this exact thought to myself yesterday upon ordering the reading and on a whim, decided to use some of extra funds towards donating other people/causes: "When [I] have a bit extra, I like to share it," since life tends to flow in cycles of scarcity/abundance just like the seasons and it's easier to give when one's own cup is full, to borrow a popular saying. 

2.) Page of Cups: Even without me posing a specific question to you about career, you amazingly picked up that YES, I am looking into a new role/field even though I don't know what that is yet. 🤔 Hell, I remain surprised by the new job titles I see on websites cause there's a lot more now than I ever originally conceived of since my early 20's. Hell, my *current* job and company didn't exist until about post-pandemic fter getting laid-off from a previous company that I was at for 6-ish years. Life works in funny ways, dude! 🤷 Am trying to keep faith that something (intuitively) "right" will turn up for me, so long as I stay open-minded and hopeful in my research exploration. I'm trying to be less rigidly logical about my job search as I was in the past--heck, my inner romantic (?) also keeps hoping that I'll be pleasantly surprised by whatever I find or get offered. 😂 Your interpretation just gave me even more of hope of that, so thank you so much! 🥹

3.) Regarding the 4 of Wands & 3 of Cups being reversed: LMAO, I am honestly am not surprised that's how my coworker situation starts out at first. 😂 I tend to be very task-focused when I'm on the clock, making it likely that coworkers may not know what to make of me at first. The examples you gave of them possibly being the type to go to bars or be vastly younger than me are self-accuratelu plausible reasons on why we may not 'click' at first, despite me studiously also not being the type to seek or "get pulled into drama." While I'm civil and aspire to be helpful, I know my introversion and task-focus doesn't make me come off as personable or easy-to-read either. 😅 The fact that I'm primarily here at work to Get Shit Done™ (eeeey, my Aries Rising/Capricorn Midheaven!) probably does put some people off from me at first. 🤷 The fact you picked up on such personality details or examples is amazing! 😍 

4.) Regarding seeing an image of "someone painting lil figurines or something small like that": Holy crap amiga, I don't know what what specific clairvoyant ability you'd call yours (but you should definitely look into the names of different types), but it's just so fucking HILARIOUS you'd affirmed something that my own gut has been nudging me towards! 😂 Cause yeah, I need more creative outlets that aren't purely just mental/screen-oriented (ie. my creative writing) for my own sanity. Something more grounding, more hands-on. Something to redirect my (occasionally neurotic, IMO) detail-oriented, systematic brain. 😅 

Have you ever seen videos or photos of minature art, where people make small-scale replicas of entire landscapes, buildings, objects, or even living animals and characters? My heart has been enthralled by such works, and it's just funny and touching that your reading is giving me a nudge to get more into that type of hands-on creativity,  even if it's starting out with something as small as buying a pre-made model kit of a minature bookstore filled with cats...or whatever. 😂 

5.) It's also amazing how you picked up on a current (?!) and/or past energy of where I HAVE "taken on a lot at my job, like more than you [I] should've had to." This was especially true during the years of being a first-time team leader during the Pandemic Era within an "essential" job (no staying at home for me, just constant overtime!). 🙄 Such a painful, despairing experience opened a lot of wisdom into healthier boundaries & sense of self-responsibility, reevaluating my standards and personal values, and increasing emotional awareness (especially of old childhood dynamics that I was unconsciously encouraging in myself/others who were enabled by my own overworking behaviors). 

I'll leave myself open to being pleasantly surprised if my future self somehow overcomes scars around leadership and a new industry leads me back into a "managerial or leadership role fairly quickly." Thankfully, you also included the word "may" so that promotion remains by choice and it's not like I owe that company anything. 🤷 Regardless, finding an industry that gives me the opportunity to establish myself or even to "build a whole ass life around" sounds like a dream come true, honestly. 😂 (So long as I balance that out with self-care & other life areas, of course!) 

---

Wishing you all the peace and prosperity, just like how you brought a sense of peace and hope into my heart, Ash! 🥹🫶

[theorist-influencer-untitled]

9.2.23 Saturday

12:48 am

My mind is lagging angels coz I'm super tired and stress everyday thinking of money... I don't know if people in Iqor can notice that... I'm super tired and super stress... That we have new bill...

1:10 am

Hmmm I have so many things to share I just need to rest and tomorrow will post here... I need to relax my mind...

10:10 am

Thank God for today... So many thongs to share ooppss! I mean so many things to share and recall since yesterday... In spite of shortage still life must go on though not my ideal life coz I want more and wanting to have my own crown but I'm happy coz now I'm able to see the beyond things of call center world...

It is good to gain genuine and good souls along the way... We all know friends come and go...

Aside from I badly need money and I badly need to keep this job for a long while... Aside from I will feel bitter if I can't acquire the skills of call center and if I can't do it... It will be a thing that can possibly hunt me forever... Treasure things that I have now, appreciate and love the present blessing...

2:35 pm

My butt is aching, I think my priformis needs a massage ( the muscle on my butt ) even my sciatica and pelvic plus my S-bones are aching... My legs and feet as well... I need a massage angels...

I feel the muscle tightness on my butt down to my legs... Whew!

Awhile ago, I thought this account is being controlled by demons... I logged out and went to my first account then when I tried to log in here, I couldn't go in... I got panicked but I tried to relax coz these 2 journal accounts are important for me angels...

Anyways, lemme continue things that happened yesterday... One of my younger wavemates named "Milanda Go" her mobile was lost for a moment in our room in Montana...

While, we were taking the sent trainings yesterday on our C2 platform, sent by Coach John, then suddenly Milanda reacted that her mobile was lost and she was really panicking...

I was truly concern and told her to go out and checked or asked... And I even told her if she was so sure that she brought her phone... Then,Milanda said yes! She mentioned someone in the wave but I didn't catch it... Milanda said someone from the wave saw her that she used her phone before entering Montana.

Milanda went back and said they didn't see anything an iphone... Her face was worried,then coach John was somehow bullying Milanda that oh! It is iphone, Milanda will buy again an iphone, she will buy again! In tagalog( bili na bili na ng bago! ) Or Milanda buy,buy again a new iphone...

I looked at Gio but I'm not really the kind of person who will interfere on someone's personal life... At first week of our training, I already knew that Gio has a wife inside the Iqor ( her wife is one of the team leaders ).

From the past days coach Melai mentioning something that, she is saying it out loud and in tagalog it sounds "parinig"...

Coach Melai said do you know what you are stealing? Something like that or in tagalog ( lam mo ba ang inaagaw mo ).

From 2 weeks ago that we had our trainings in Iqor,I accidentally noticed the closeness of Milanda and Gio... But I didn' mind coz by nature I'm a concern citizen in this world ( but I always respect boundaries ) and touchy kind of friend on everyone... My personality came back...

So, Milanda was worried and went out again and I accidentally looked at Gio if he cares or at least having concern on Milanda about the situation... I saw from the past days that Gio was wearing Milanda's jacket... Not only once but twice and lately... On that moment Gio doing nothing, as if he doesn't care at all... Or appearing as no concern about the lost phone of Milanda.

But I remember on the first few days of our trainings I even shout out loud in the class that Gio has a wife there in Iqor and a team leader...

In a lil while, I told Milanda to ring her phone and she said that her phone was on a silent mode... But an another a lil while, Milanda went out again and a phone suddenly rung in our row...

Then, the yellow jacket of Milanda or Gio which I don't know whose jacket was that hanging on the back support chair of Milanda. There was a phone ringing at that next moment and I said whose phone is that? Gio got the phone from the yellow jacket and said this is Milanda's phone... Oh! ( coz Milanda said awhile ago that her phone was on a silent mode ) But I didn't react but take note of what Milanda said earlier that her phone was on a silent mode.

Then, this child-like coach John suddenly took the phone from Gio and he tried hiding it on his back or will put inside his pocket ( something like that ).

I was thinking if this action was just a play or a practical joke or there was a hidden meaning of it that coach John took away the phone from Gio's hand and Coach John tried to hide it... Or it was just a fun for them to do that kind of joke or it was a play of a "connivance"...

Lexa was as well happy and shouting that sounds exciting for her that Milanda's phone was found out but coach John hide it and tried to ask us to be his accessory but I'm not a child...

I said no! Return the phone to Milanda right away... Lexa was irritated on me, even Champi they said you are so "Kill Joy Peachy".... I said no I'm not, it is not right, Milanda will cry...

What is the real score of this situation,angels???

3:41 pm

For the Filipino angels... Let's help each other....

Phone or Mobile is a symbolism of a girl or boy or lover or bf or gf.

Way back car was being used as a symbolism of gf or bf or a partner, sometimes a horse as well...

There was this old joke that " hold your horses"... It is like control your husband or bf mainly but sometimes a gf or partner as well...

4:56 pm

I'm looking for a sugar daddy angels.. I want serum and uppish food.

Handsome to me and hygienic sugar daddy... I need money, money...

5:16 pm

Out of gasul already.... Still, waiting for Ate Shiela...

I need to find a sugar daddy... Handsome and able to buy me stuff angels...

I want serums and botox and my fruits and my chia seed... I feel self-pity even my herbal life drinks...

I still feel fat,ugly and wrinkled...

5:43 pm

Thanks ate Shiela...

Our friendship will be turning 12 years by next year of 2024! I'm always delayed on paying her... A month delayed always... hahaha...

But our relationship is still on-going hahaha Praying for a better life...

8:18 pm

Still have windblow trap angels... Still,planning to get dimples in the future...

I wanted a sugar daddy that will be mutual and compatible with my wants and willing to respect me... Sugar Daddy means it is really a serious bf who is willing to lift you up and loves you of course without really asking too much but giving so much and more than you need...

I'm really vain so people thought that I'm KJ and I'm careful on making friends, careful on my actions sometimes coz I'm really vain and I was religious and somehow still religious...

Being vain means being bad, gets angels? So, don't misinterpret if I'm a good friend coz I'm vain that makes me bad...

[phoenixyfriend]

Rey Gives No F*cks About the Grandfather Paradox

Okay so since nobody’s suggested a fic under these terms, I ended up expanding on this post on discord and things snowballed. We kept to the basics of the entire plot revolving around Rey really hating her grandad and leveraging her blood relation to not be unalived about it.

With contributions by @atagotiak​, @dracothulhu​, @thepallaspalace​, and several others. The title comes from @gelpenss​.

The basic thing I absolutely need is this: Rey gets thrown back to the middle of the clone wars, and the subsequent plot leans in really heavily on her being, genetically-via-clone-dad, the daughter of the guy running the entire galaxy.

Nobody knows what to do with her.

The timing is mid-TCW for the past (because I want Ahsoka there) and vaguely between Episodes 8 and 9 because I... never watched E9 and don’t want to worry about the timeline. The only things that matter is that Luke is dead (he can die as he did in canon) and that Rey knows she’s Palp’s granddaughter (not the way she does in canon).

We'll say Luke found out from Anakin's panicked force-ghost and just went "well, fuck, okay, I should tell her this before she ends up in a situation like mine and finds out mid-battle or something."

Luke, prior to time-travel: Okay, so, now that I'm dead I know some things I didn't before. Like who your parents were. In the interest of full disclosure because I was in a very similar situation and I don't want you learning the way I did, I'm just going to come right out and say that your father was a clone was Sheev Palpatine. Rey: ... Luke: Are you okay? Rey: I don't know who that is.

(She grew up on Jakku, the history education was a little subpar.)

Setting The Scene

Imagine Rey showing up during or immediately before the clone wars. There’s this phenomenally powerful feral teenager from a desert backwater who tells you that if you ran a paternity test, it would probably pop up the Chancellor. She may or may not bring up cloning. She accuses said Chancellor of being a Sith Lord.

Your other phenomenally powerful feral teenager from a desert backwater, who may not be a teenager anymore but only barely, is very offended by this because Palpatine’s a Very Nice Old Grandfather Figure, but also he’s a little full of side-eye because if the blood test comes back as proof, then Palpatine had a kid and didn’t even know about them, or lied to Anakin, and that’s! Bad! Family’s important!!!

Palpatine hears about this daughter he apparently? Has? And is very confused because the timing doesn’t match up with ANYTHING he was doing, so the kid isn’t natural, and he says as much. (There is an explanation! It’s not a correct explanation, but he does come up with one.)

Finn and Poe and BB-8 all get dragged along because why not have the gang there? Nobody that’s already born, because [handwave] conservation of souls or something, IDK, point is the only person dragged along that’s even remotely close to already existing is Luke’s Force Ghost, who mostly hangs around begging Rey to be less impulsive. Finn is good because he is a nice polite boy, but for actual useful information they need Poe. The unfortunate situation is that the three do not land together. They land at the same time, in completely different corners of the galaxy. This means that nobody is there to curb Rey being her most impulsive self.

Time travel Rey knows two things. Luke’s dad ends up evil. Palpatine has always been evil.

She can solve one of these problems by killing the other, yes?

Rey: Ready to Rumble

See, the initial idea was this: Rey tried to break into the senate to kill Palpatine, got arrested, and then used the "he's biologically my father" card to get out of jail free. (Force Ghost Luke follows her like “please take five seconds to think this through.”)

But.

But.

It would be very, very, very funny if The Force just dumps her in a flash of light in the senate building and she just attacks Gramps on sight. Just a shouted "YOU!" and no-hesitation attempted murder.

Palpatine has no idea what's going on.

Rey took maybe two seconds to get identity confirmation and then started swinging.

[Image Description: An individual in a green metal helmet with an eye slit, holding a pistol. In the upper left, upper right, and lower middle are the phrases “I do not know who I am...” “I don’t know why I’m here” and “All I know is that I must kill.” End description.]

Of course, she gets arrested. There are Master Jedi in the Senate. There are Clone Troopers. Palpatine isn’t the weak old man he pretends to be. Of course she’s stopped.

But she isn’t executed in time for Palpatine to stop her from ruining his entire reputation.

Immediately after Rey fails to kill her Shitty Granddad, Luke's ghost shows up and begs her to not talk about the Sith thing because it will completely undermine everything she's trying to do. Pass off the attempted murder as something else!

Rey, panicking: "that fucker left me on a desert planet for 10 years!" "You owe me 19 years of child support you son of a Hutt!"

The Jedi have to do the investigation, because the girl showed up with a laser sword, and the conversation is, uh... interesting. (“Where did you get that lightsaber?” “I got it from a mysterious old pirate lady I never met before. I don't know, I was being shown around by a smuggler and a Wookie.”)

Interviewer: Why did you try to assassinate the Chancellor? Luke: Say it wasn't assassination. Rey: It wasn't assassination. Int: You weren't trying to kill him? Luke: Assassination has to be politically motivated. Rey: This was, um... not political. Assassination is political, right? Int: You mean this was personally motivated? Rey: Yes. Int: I see. What personal motivation? Luke: Jakku! Rey: He's my grandfather. Int: ... Rey: Possibly father. Nobody was very clear on that. Int: ... Luke: Tell them to run a paternity test. Rey: Oh hey, a blood test would tell us which, right? Int: ............ Rey: I spent ten years as an orphaned scrapdealer on Jakku. He's my father. I'm kind of a little angry. Int: ........... Luke: Good job, kid. You bought yourself some time. Int: I'm going to get a medic to see about that parternity test.

Obviously, it comes back positive. Congratulations, Sheev, you’re the father.

Rey comes with a ready-made built-in excuse for hating Palpatine that nobody can question or fault her for!

Rey, pouring Truth into the Force: I didn't even know I was related to the Chancellor until a few months ago, but it's his fault I grew up the way I did, and he should take some responsibility!

The entire thing is mostly kept hush hush but someone leaks it to the press and Palpatine's ratings tank.

"Chancellor, I think we'll need to waive family visitation until she wants you a little less dead." "I would like to find out why she wants me dead, and indeed, where she came from." "...sir, for your own safety--"

Who would win? A master plan years in the making spanning decades of manipulating and work? or One (1) paternity test

"Okay, so, Rey Palpat--" "Ew, no, I don't want his name." "You--okay. Sure, we can understand that. Is there a name you would prefer to put on the paperwork?" Rey, who would have gone by Skywalker in honor of Luke but can't do that when Anakin is right there and all: "Can I think about it?"

Rey: I don't know what I want my last name to be but I know I don't want his, and most of the people I’d want a name from have famous families like you... Luke's ghost, pointing out the Literal Nobody that she cares about a lot: How about Solo? Rey: ...Solo, then.

(A few months later she runs into Poe again and he offers for Finn and Rey to both take his name because honestly they need SOMETHING but at that point she’s already decided on Smuggler Dad.)

Backtrack a bit. We’ve got a bigger cast.

They all arrive separately. Poe, for one, does better than Rey, who is aiming for a murder, but not quite as well as Finn, who is currently being adopted and hidden like a secret cat by a bunch of Alpha Clones on Kamino. He vibes with the names-or-numbers thing. He doesn’t necessarily tell them where and when he’s from, but he’s very sweet and a great liar and they adopt him wholesale anyway.

The Finn situation is just... "Buir Ti, we need you to hide this man, we've decided he's our little brother but if Nala Se finds out she'll make him leave."

Of course, this leads into Shaak Ti teaching Finn how to Jedi.

Maybe consider Finn needing to almost be tricked into learning Jedi things because he willfully forgets it could apply to him. Finn does not like to think of himself as special, which is super valid, but frustrating for Shaak Ti when it comes to, you know, getting him to acquire knowledge. Finn's training at some point is "here, levitate objects with the Force to entertain the tubies." It’s a lot easier to convince him to practice when it involves the babies.

(Everyone on Kamino looked at Finn and went “oh I love him I’m keeping him and teaching him things.”)

(He’s just very lovable.)

Poe, meanwhile, buys the trust of Anakin Skywalker via R2D2 declaring BB-8 the absolute most baby of droids. R2D2 met BB-8 three hours ago but.

"Hey Obi-Wan this is Poe I met him like five days ago but R2D2 says he checks out because his droid is a baby." "That's nice, Anakin, did you know the Chancellor has a daughter who tried to assassinate him in broad daylight yesterday? Because guess who had to stop the Chancellor from getting assassinated by his daughter in broad daylight yesterday."

A summary so far:

Finn, on Kamino: Hey, um, I don't know where this is, but it's not where I was a few minutes ago. Do you think you could get me a comm? What's your name? Poe, on [dice roll] Denon: Oh, hey, you're General Skywalker? Nice to meet you, I'm so sorry about my droid, she's a little excitable and thought your R2 unit looked like a friend of hers-- Rey, on Coruscant: DIE, GRANDFATHER

Finn: [Peacefully vibing on Kamino, unaware of the chaos and bonding with the clones] Poe: [Trying to explain how he knows someone who tried to kill the chancellor and defend Rey] Rey: [Arrested for trying to kill the chancellor]

Just... just...

Anakin: Some guy ended up lost on base yesterday with his droid, how’s your day going? Obi-Wan: I had to stop someone who claims to be the chancellors daughter from murdering the chancellor after she seemingly blinked into existence in the Senate building. Poe: 😐

(Poe: Oh, so that's where Chaos^2 went.)

Poe: In her defense, she is his... well we don't know if she's his daughter or granddaughter, but she's definitely related to him, and she definitely grew up in a shitty situation that was his fault, so...

(Poe is trying very hard to explain this and not get arrested on the military base.)

As you’ve probably guessed, what's especially funny about all of this for me is the fact that Palpatine is fully aware that this girl shouldn't exist, but can't find a single piece of evidence about where she came from. He didn't start any experiments that could result in a female child, and he didn't have sex in that period of time, so where the hell--

Rey spends so much time in jail... BUT they do eventually assign her a Jedi Master. Possibly before she actually proves her evil grandfather is in fact evil. Most votes went to either Plo Koon or Obi-Wan. Plo, because he’s dad-shaped, and Obi...

"Obi-Wan, you already raised one feral desert child with implausible amounts of power, you handle this." Rey in return is very "Sweet, you vaguely remind me of Master Luke," and nobody knows who the hell she's talking about. Obi-Wan is NOT on board with this plan, she'd really be better off with Plo or like........ Mace.

Reunion Tour

What I need out of this is the eventual Finn and Rey reunion scene that is just excited screaming while someone in the background explains to Shaak Ti that yes this is apparently Palpatine's terrifyingly force-sensitive daughter who hates him.

(Finn senses Rey’s approach and just. Gathers the everyone to wait. He’s just :D REY MY FRIEND REY GUYS MY FRIEND REY IS COMING.)

Anakin shows up with Poe--just a guy who signed on to the military, no big deal--and then Poe and Rey are EXCITED and everyone's just like "Cool, how do you know this literal terrorist child?" And Poe has to scramble and "Uhhhhhhhhhhhh she saved my droid from a scrapheap once and BB-8 is basically my child so I owe her one."

Rey knows that Anakin ends up evil so she’s maybe not actively hostile but definitely very “I’m watching you.” That said, she vibes with him on a lot of things that he maybe doesn’t actively notice.

Rey picks up a snake, snaps off the head for venom avoidance, and starts biting off chunks. Obi-Wan's reaction: [undisguised horror] Anakin and Ahsoka: Ooh, where'd you find that? (Obi-Wan: And now I’m up to three feral children.)

What Does Palpatine Even Do?

OBVIOUSLY at a certain point, Palpatine is just phoning up every ally he has to figure out who broke protocol to synthesize a daughter for him.

So of course, Palpatine blame Plagueis.

She'd have been born five or so years before Naboo, just a few years younger than Anakin. It's such an EASY theory to build a conspiracy around. It is ENTIRELY WRONG, but it’s plausible! And anyone who might have been involved to say otherwise is probably dead!

A random bio-kid shows up you can’t possibly have contributed genes to? Maybe it’s the evil bio spark that did it.

Palpatine tries to placate her with the ‘my genes were stolen for an experiment and I didn’t know’ thing. It doesn’t work because her actual main complaint is he’s evil in her future but he tries.

It'd be a struggle to even get access to her, because of the aforementioned “maybe don’t try to talk to the daughter(?) that hates you” thing, but you know who Palpatine does have access to? The Chosen One.

Rey kind of decides on her favorites early on (she gravitates to Dad Energy and Sad Old Men so Plo and Obi-Wan are on her list, and that means decent time around Anakin and Ahsoka). It's really easy to talk Anakin into helping to some degree because "he'd like to connect to a daughter he never knew" and "a child of her power on a planet like that, you'd know her struggle, my dear boy" and so on. Anakin tries to connect! He tries to play up Sheev’s kind political work and how it can’t have really been his fault! It doesn’t work. Rey does not believe a word of it. Mostly she doesn’t even seem to hear him.

Rey's just like "...oh right, you're the melted mask that Kylo Ren was always ranting about," which means absolutely NOTHING to Anakin, but he mentions it to Palps, who loses his goddamn mind trying to figure out what she's talking about, because it also means absolutely nothing to him.

Here’s the thing: Rey’s already decided that Obi-Wan is cool, because Luke said so, and Plo Koon is dad-shaped, and she also gravitates towards earnest kindness in general, like she made friends with Finn real quick, so Ahsoka? Already getting along great.

She doesn’t dislike Anakin, really, he isn’t evil yet, he’s just... meh. She’s a little suspicious and she likes him less than the others but... Anakin.

Rey, to Anakin: You are my least favorite. Anakin, to Palpatine: YOUR DAUGHTER HATES ME???

And he goes from “she’s a lil standoffish” to “she doesn’t like me” to “she hates me” as is normal for Anakin.

It’s just an escalation of this one time Palpatine wants Anakin to not have rifts and trust issues with a person, at least not until later, because he needs information.

Meanwhile, that very moment, Rey is just like "huh, nobody here is listening to me about how make a sixth-hand carburetor work, where's Luke's dad?"

Anakin is venting to Palpatine about how hard it is to talk to Rey, and she's over in the Temple just like "Hey, that guy was useful last time, I should ask him," but also she only ever thinks of him as Luke's Dad.

(At one point, Obi-Wan is having a bit of a break down, and then Anakin starts having a breakdown about that, meanwhile the clones are (badly) trying to hide Finn behind their backs, Rey is watching Ahsoka practice and being like "I want two lightsabers," and Poe is trying to keep R2 from stealing BB-8 and Force Ghost Luke is just face palming in the background.)

(Rey deserved a saber staff, maybe one that can detach and turn into a jar’kai set. Possibly a pike. Mostly I just wish she got more chances to whack things with a big stick.)

[iheartgarrus]

N7 Month Day 28: Recruit

(AO3 Link - I'm so close to the finish line!! Didn't mean to fall a day behind but yesterday was A Day. Anyway, a peek into my weird combo backstory for my Shepard in the form of a scene between Hannah and Anderson. Heads up for child custody issues and mention of being a teen parent. Cut is for length.)

”Lieutenant Anderson, sir.” The newly minted Serviceman Third Class Hannah Shepard saluted as the door to the Alliance recruitment office slid shut behind her.

Anderson nodded from his desk. “At ease, Serviceman. Glad to see you survived boot camp.”

Shepard relaxed her stance. “It was a proud moment, sir. I’ve been assigned my first posting aboard the SSV Einstein.”

"Ah, with Captain Okilo," he said leaning back in his chair. "She's a good woman to serve under. But I assume you're here for a reason, Shepard."

"Yes, sir. I have…" She hesitated, but pushed forward. "I have a request."

"Go ahead."

Shepard's gaze went to the floor for a moment before she remembered herself and refocused on Anderson. "I need a letter that confirms my status in the Alliance, along with my salary, benefits, and posting."

This wasn't a particularly odd request, but Shepard seemed… ashamed? He leaned forward with his elbows on his desk, hands folded near his chin. "I can put in the request," he said, "but proof of enlistment letters are transmitted directly to the entity requesting them, not to the enlistee. So I'll need that contact info."

Her face fell. "O-Oh. Well if…" She opened her omni-tool, brows knit, and her finger paused over the interface before she sucked in a breath and passed the information over. "Okay. Here." Protocol all but abandoned, this time when she cast her eyes downward, she didn't look back up.

And when Anderson looked at what she had sent, he began to understand why. "Department of Child and Family Services - Van Buren Street Office," he read out loud.

"Yes, sir," Shepard replied, sounding very small.

He watched her carefully. He knew a delicate matter when he saw one, and maybe he was meant to be the strict, unyielding officer with this new recruit, but he also knew that one of the most common reasons that people enlisted with the Alliance was that it was their ticket out of a desperate situation. He’d sensed that with Hannah Shepard from the start, but it seemed it went even deeper than he’d thought.

He stood and rounded the desk to lean against it in front of her. She finally looked up at him again, but he could see that it was a strain not to avoid eye contact. “You told me you had a daughter when you first came in here,” he said slowly, “but it sounds like there are some… complications.”

She swallowed hard. “Yes, sir.”

“You don’t have to tell me anything more than that, Shepard. In fact, legally speaking, I’m not even supposed to ask. But I want to help, if I can. A letter signed by an Alliance officer is more effective than a standard ‘To Whom It May Concern’ in cases like this, and the more I know, the better.”

Shepard let out a long breath, closing her eyes for just a moment. “Thank you, sir.” Her voice was steadier now.

He simply nodded. “What’s your daughter’s name?”

She smiled, though not without pain. “Viola.”

“And how old is she?” He picked up a datapad from the desk to make notes.

“She’s 15.”

Anderson raised a brow - he’d been expecting an answer at least 10 years below that. Shepard would’ve been just a teenager when she gave birth. Suddenly, her situation was starting to make a lot more sense. “When did you last have custody?”

A sigh that made his heart heavy escaped her. “When she was 5,” Shepard said. “I… kept trying but it wasn’t…”

“You don’t have to explain yourself to me, Shepard. You're not the first desperate soul to come to the Alliance for the sake of their family.” He paused to flick through the files on the datapad. “Your drill sergeants had plenty good to say about you.”

Her eyes widened, “Really?”

Anderson chuckled. “It’s their job to make it seem like the opposite. But I have enough here to write DCFS something strong. It’s ultimately up to them, but…”

Shepard shook her head, her expression tight as she held back tears. “Thank you, sir.”

[ah-ga-seven]

No More Pain | Jung Jaehyun

Pairing: Jung Jaehyun x Fem!reader 

Synopsis: The lingering wounds of your miscarriage have reopened. Now that you are broken up, an unforseen change in Jaehyun’s life has brought him back to your doorstep. Will he be able to fix you this time? Or will he fail just the same as before?

Genre: Angst, One Shot. 

Warnings: mentions of the reader having a miscarriage, depression, alcohol addiction and heartbreak.

Word Count: 2.8k

A/N: Probably one of the heaviest angsts I’ve written. I know the subject is rough but the idea came from a dream so I just had to write it down.

This was a different kind of pang to your heart.

You’ve had your fair share of tragedies, heartbreaks and disappointments, but this…

This feeling was nothing like anything you’ve ever felt before and quite frankly, you wouldn’t wish this upon your greatest enemy.  

It was a Thursday night, one like many where you decided to stay in and recharge from a busy day at your demanding job.

You were seated on your couch with a hot cup of tea as you mindlessly scrolled through your Instagram feed. Completely wrapped in the warmth of your favorite fleece blanket. But even the thick fluffy material couldn’t protect you from the cold shivers that ran down your spine.

You blankly stare at the post your best friend forwarded to you via dm and stiffened.  

Memories of the night you miscarried 4 months into your pregnancy flood back to you as you stare at his comment.

You remembered how broken he looked when the doctor couldn’t find the baby's heartbeat anymore.  

You remembered how he held you as you cried in his arms, promising that he’d love you just the same as he tried to console you to his best ability while suffering himself.

You remembered the pain and the relief of having Jaehyun by your side through it all. Glad that even though your life was about to change forever, he’d be the one constant thing you could rely on.

You remembered all of these moments like they happened yesterday, wishing future you could mentally prepare past you for what was going to be the hardest time in your life.  

The man who swore never to leave you did just that, and not even 6 months into his new relationship, your biggest insecurity was made into a reality.  

He had moved on for good, and even though you have no ill feelings towards him, you can’t help but feel anger over sadness right now.  

It was that easy to replace you. And that easy for him to find someone that could give him what you couldn’t.

Even though your miscarriage wasn’t the direct cause of why he left, the effects of the incidence on your mental health dragged him down with you. So both of you felt it’d be better to part ways for the sake of not wanting to hate or resent each other in the end.  

But God…you hated and resented him now more than ever.  

It didn’t matter to you that both of you started to date new people, because a part of you always held on to the fact that you’d somehow find your way back to each other, though the probability of that ever happening again turned to ash.

Your miscarriage broke you.  

No appetite for weeks, no motivation to get yourself out of bed and no cure for the monsters in your head who told you that Jaehyun was only sticking around out of pity for your broken state.

That same insecurity is what drove him into the arms of the women he told you not to worry about, and now they’re having a fucking child together.  

Knowing that that should’ve been you was a thought that was just too much to bear right now. You suddenly feel sick to your stomach, tears prickling your eyes as you rub the spot on your belly where the mini bump used to be 8 months ago.

You were finally doing better, thriving in your job and social life. Meeting new people and dating a few loose ends here and there, but you can already feel yourself spiraling back into old depressional habits as you stare at the picture once more.  

You pettily decide to like it, hoping it would spark interest from none other than your ex, and much to your surprise, it did.

Not even 20 minutes later your phone started to buzz on the counter as you poured yourself a glass of wine. You mindlessly retrieve it, expecting it to be your best friend but when you see his name as you take a sip you almost choke.

Is he serious?

You try to come up with what to say for the next 3 to 5 minutes but nothing in your head seems to translate your exact feelings to your fingertips.

You sigh in agony while leaning over on your kitchen counter with your phone still in your hands, reading his messages over and over again. You subconsciously start to bite your lip in deep thought, getting startled by your ringtone as your phone starts to ring in your grasp.

“Fuck,” you mumble to yourself, taking a big chug of the alcoholic beverage in front of you, putting on the bravest face and straightest posture to make yourself feel better before accepting the call.  

You knew you didn’t have to answer, but you were dying to hear what he had to say under these circumstances.  

“Y/N? Is that you?” His voice was unchanged. You didn’t know why, but you expected him to sound different, be different. Yet the same worry he’s always had for you was evident in his tone this time as well.

You clear your throat to avoid a voice crack and sigh. “Congratulations,” you tried to sound as genuine as you could, but you knew you sounded like shit.  

You start to play with the ends of your hair out of anxious anticipation, waiting for him to respond on the other end of the line.  

“I meant to tell you,” he starts. “I just…I didn’t know how and Chaeyoung suddenly uploaded the picture and-”

“Jae…please spare me the details,” you interrupt him. Saying his name like you used to felt like speaking a foreign language. He stayed quiet upon hearing your voice again and let out a frustrated sigh.

“Do you still live in the same apartment in Itaewon?” he suddenly asks, immediately alerting you to stand up straight because he could only be asking for one reason and one reason only.

“Y-yes.”

“Good, I’m on my way.”

Just like that, he hung up and just like that your heart rate starts to race uncontrollably.  

You down the remnants of your wine glass and hope he’s isn’t too close because your place looked far from neat. For the next 15 minutes, you run around, shoving things into random cabinets. Whether those items belonged there or not was the least of your concern and just as you fluff the last pillow on your couch, your doorbell rings.

You take a deep breath, calming your nerves as you walk up to your front door, taking it off the lock before you open it with a dramatic swing.

There he was. Jung Jaehyun.

As beautiful and put together as he always looked, no matter the circumstance. You forget how to breathe when you lay eyes on him and gulp. It’s actually him.

His big dark orbs widened as he laid eyes on you after months of not seeing you. His facial expression softened, slowly parting his lips to speak but you beat him to it when you broke out of your trance.  

“What are you doing here?” your shoulders fall as you look into his eyes for answers. The same eyes that once looked at you with so much love and adoration, but right now his pupils were stressfully darting back and forth, trying to read you like he used to be able to but he had no idea what you were feeling right now.

“Because I feel like shit y/n. Please let me in and let me explain,” he pleaded with a defeated tone.

You scoff, rolling your eyes. “What is there to explain? You knocked up your girlfriend and finally got what you wanted. Why bother coming here? To rub it into my face?”  

Your plan of staying calm and collected went completely out the window just now and you could tell by the shock on his face that he did not expect you to be angry with him.

He took a step forward, backing you into your own hallway. His height towered over you when you stepped back and without looking back he closed the door behind him.

“Y/n. I would never purposely do that to you. Ever.” You ignore his statement, narrowing your eyes at him.

“I don’t remember inviting you in Jaehyun. Does she even know you’re here?”

You hold your ground, crossing your arms over your chest as you wait for him to counter your attack, but he simply shook his head. Knowing damn well that you’re acting tough just so you won’t get emotional.  

As he’s scanning the premises, his eyes linger on the red wine bottle on your kitchen counter and with a look of utter disbelief, he averts his attention back on you.

“You’re drinking again?” he asks with an almost condescending tone.  

“Did you come here to practice your parenting skills because no thanks Jae, please leave,” you bite back as coldly as you could, but he wasn’t having it.

“That shit almost killed you and you’re just casually drinking again?” He runs his hand through his locks out of pure frustration, not knowing what to do with the misplaced feeling of still caring for you just the same, while also knowing he has no business to tell you how to live your life.

The truth is, Jaehyun had no idea what he was doing here. Everything about the situation felt wrong and he couldn’t lie to himself any longer. Ever since Chaeyoung told him she was pregnant; he couldn’t be fully happy about it. He couldn’t commit to fatherhood knowing how much it broke your relationship. How much it broke the women he loved most to this day.

“A little red wine didn’t hurt anyone,” you mumble under your breath and that comment alone send Jaehyun’s emotions into overdrive, unable to hide his disappointment and worry for you any longer.

“IT HURT YOU Y/N. DAMN IT!” He raised his voice at you as he roughly grabbed your arm to make you look at him, which is the last thing you expected. He wasn’t mad at you. He was mad at himself. Mad at the fact that he wasn’t there when you needed him most and mad at the fact that this is what your lives had come to.

You might have previously dealt with your pain by drinking, and you might have mindlessly mixed your anti-depressants with your drink once, which…just might have earned you a trip to the hospital, but that was your lowest low and you made sure it’d never happen again.

You beat your demons by yourself when he had already moved on, so he had no place to waltz back into your life when he felt like it, just to judge you.

You’re absolutely fuming by now because of that same reason and much to your dismay you feel new tears well up in your eyes.  

“NO, YOU HURT ME!” you yell back at him as you smack his chest, the salty droplets streaming down your face as you kept hitting his chest to make him feel your pain. “YOU LEFT ME.”

Your knees got weak and you knew you looked absolutely pathetic as you crouched down in front of him. Shock took over his features as he got down on his own knees just as quickly, pulling you into the comfort of his arms. The warmth that you used to call home and the warmth that always seemed to calm you down engulfed you completely, a feeling your favorite fleece blanket from before could hardly imitate.  

He patted your head with assuring strokes, whispering sweet nothings to you as he held you on the floor of your apartment. Letting you sob the pain away in his black shirt. “Shhh, it’s okay…” he kissed the top of your head, caressing your cheek as he wiped away your tears.

You calmed down slowly, ignoring the suffocating ache in your head and heart while he made you feel safe and sound like he always did. You sat there like that for God knows how long, letting your minds go into overdrive as silence comforted the both of you.  

Ironically enough, this scenery was the exact same as the one in the hospital 8 months ago. You cried in his arms just like this when you had lost your child, but now you were crying because you had lost him. For good now.  

“I would never purposely plan to have a baby this quickly y/n, you have to believe me. Chae was on birth control but it just…happened,” he whispers, finally breaking the agonizing silence.

You stay quiet, closing your eyes to the sound of his low voice, letting his words register. “I was going to tell you. I was planning to ask you out for a coffee but as soon as she passed her first trimester, she was just so excited and made the announcement…it was just bad timing.”

“All of this is bad timing,” you mumble, which made him nod in agreement. He sighed into your hair as he continued to explain. “Y/n, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t care for you anymore. I wish things were different, but they simply aren’t and I’m sorry.”

You sniff, dabbing your tears and your nose with the sleeves of your blouse before looking up at him through your lashes.

“You don’t have to apologize for moving on and being happy Jaehyun. It’s all I ever wanted for you.” You wipe the single tear that remained on the corner of his eye, not having realized that he shed a few tears himself too.

He leaned into your touch as he looked into your eyes before closing them, leaning his forehead onto yours while taking a deep breath.  

“I just want you to be ok.” He says suppressing a sob. “I can’t live this picture-perfect life knowing that you’re in pain y/n. It makes no sense; you deserve so much more it’s not fair.”  

Your lip starts to quiver as his words hit you, and you build up the courage to look at him again.  

He stared at you longingly and lovingly for the first time since forever and you knew a mistake was about to be made when he inched his face closer to you, but it was too late.

His lips made contact with yours and you completely gave in. Letting him lead you into a slow yet passionate kiss that took both of your breaths away.  Before things could get more heated, you realize what was happening and froze.

You take a hold of his wrists as you pull away, your eyes staring into his equally electrified ones as you recompose yourselves.

“I-I’m sorry,” he started. “I should’ve never confused you like that. Fuck. What the fuck am I doing.” He covers his mouth as he got up. Frustrated with his own behavior, he digs his fingernails into the palms of his hands to suppress the urge to swing at your door or any other object in sight for that matter.

You get up just as quickly as well. Straightening out your clothes before shaking off the nerves of what just happened.  

You take a deep breath followed by a shaky exhale as you opened your front door, turning around on your heels to look at an equally distressed Jaehyun.

He was about to speak; about to confess that he still loved you, but you stopped him by raising your hand, motioning for him to keep whatever he was about to say to himself.

Your eyes find his own and you take one last glance at the man that was supposed to be the pillar to your family. The man you used to call yours, and the man that you had hoped to still have a future with, despite everything.  

But you knew better.

You knew what was right and you knew what you had to do before things would start to spiral out of control again.

You stepped aside so he could pass by you, trying to avoid eye contact all while you could still feel his burning stare lingering on your fragile state.

You swallow harshly, licking your lips before you spoke as clearly and steadily as you could.

“For the sake of your family, please leave Jae…and never come back.”  

[cartoonfanorwhatever]

I've been meaning to finally watch all ghibli movies. And o want to get trough them all by end of August. I've seen bits and pieces of some of them, have watched many a video essayist talk about them.

I'm going to talk about each of them as i watch them, mostly all in chronological order.

But first i'll quickly say something about the ones i *have* seen. In more or less the order i've seen them.

First one i ever saw was 'laputa: castle in the sky'. I saw this one years ago so i don't have many specific things to say. But it's absolutely wondeful. And the action is fenominal

Then i saw either 'Kiki's delivery service' and 'Howl's moving castle' i don't remember the precise order. But i saw both either this or last year. Both once again beatiful stories. I empathised with Kiki so much and it's such a nuanced yet heartfelt coming of age story. Howl's moving castle however might so far be my favourite. It's such a unique take on a beauty and the beast type story and the magic and the world keep me endlessy interested. Also the main theme (Merry go round of life) slaps and every few weeks it starts playing on loop in my brain.

Then i also watched 'Lupin the third: castle of cagliostro' which, yes, i do count.

I'll once again be frank and admit that i don't remember if i watched it before or inbetween or even after the last 2 but whatever, time-blindness is a bitch.

Anyway it's amazing probably the Best Lupin III content out there and it's so influential on animation as a whole. Even if you know nothing about Lupin the third it's fully enjoyable. I'm very angry Netflix doesn't have it anymore because i really wanted to rewatch it (don't worry i did pirate it but i kinda didn't want to because i want to puch Netflix's algorythm towards animation as much as possible. But that's neither here nor there.)

A couple of months ago i saw 'nausicaa of the valley of the wind' which is underappreciated in my opinion. It's based on Miyazaki's own manga. It's a truly epic story with an important message about environmentalism that's as relevas It's ever been. The main character, Naussica is so cool (and I'm fully planning a dnd character greatly based on her). The alien environments and inhabitants of the fungal forests are breathtaking. Nuff´ said.

Then finally, this friday i watched 'My neighbor Totoro' and what can i say that hasn't already been said? A beatiful view in the life of young girls going trough a rough time in their lives juxtaposed with the innocence and beaty of childhood mixed with Japanse mythology. Let's just say Totoro is ghibli's flagship mascot for a reason.

This movie hit particularly close to home because of my job of working with kids their age. And the fear, confusion and even despair the youngest feels about their situation that they're just too young to properly grasp just kept rending my heart in two. Not to mention the older sister who has to be the responsible one and has to keep herself together despite that it's clear how hard it is on her as well. The characters in this film are real in a way that only Miyazaki has mastered portraying.

(Fun fact: the person who voiced the father is 'Shigesato Itoi' who is also the creator of the 'Mother' video game series.)

Finally, finally, to switch things up; today I watched 'a silent voice' i'll probably elaborate more in the future on a different post. But needless to say it's exactly as good as people say it is, maybe even better.

It was a touch longer than i thought it would be but it wasn't really a problem. It's a super interesting story with a nuanced take on redemption, attonement and friendship. Rended in a way that only animation can truly accomplish.

Up next: I'll go in proper release order from now on so next thing is 'only yesterday'. A more slice of life film and one i might even be to young to fully appreciate seeing i'm only just in my mid 20s and the main character is in her early thirties i think. But i've heard nothing but good things about it so i'm sure i'll be fine.

And concidering that i'm sick and won't go into work tomorrow I'll most likely watch it then