#whats even the point in being alive | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

kurtcore · 2 years ago

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idk what im doing

#failing uni. no friends #no career plans #not fucking going anywhere #never gonna have enough money to get surgeries and pass #i have a lot of dreams about promoting queer art and being an art writer and doing postgrad #but my fucking depressive episode has killed my grades #idk im so tired #everyone else is achieving their goals and dating and making friends #i just feel like i live in a black hole #i just do my own thing and dont interact with anybody or anything #whats even the point in being alive #my fucking transphobic parents are neber gonna accept me #im not smart enough to do the things i wanr to do #like honestly why am i still hwre #i get so jealous seeing all these other things going on i dont even know about until later #bc i. just dont run in the right circles or whateber #or seeing my classmates get all the oppurtunities #studying art history all the rich kids are a little elite posse #idek if i’ll be able to write my dissertation my grade is that low #and then i wont graduate w honours and i wont be able to do postgrad #wtf will i do

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lotus-pear · 2 months ago

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i love you royal trio (minus akechi)

#i was listening to the world we knew by frank sinatra while drawing this to inflict maximum emotional damage 😔#royal actually shot me fifty times in the chest and slaughtered my entire family #i’m actually inconsolable over the ending what the fuck do you mean akechi chooses to die of his own volition rather than be manipulated #god it’s just. his character actually makes me violent and insane. they’re going to drag me kicking and screaming to the psych ward #he never had an ounce of control over his life. not even once. he was CONSTANTLY being yanked around like a marionette #until he was disposed of as another pawn in shido’s plan #and then out of some cruel irony he was resurrected even though he did not want to be alive #for once in death he would have found peace—only for that to be taken from him too.#and bc he thinks he’s worthless and his life is so easily gambled away he doesn’t view it as a major dealbreaker when maruki brings it up #“do you really think something as trivial as my life should stand in the way of your decision?” yes you fucking asshole #what do you mean he’s literally fated to die in every timeline? definition of doomed by the narrative #there’s not a single version of his story that doesn’t end with him being slaughtered #GODDDDD he makes me violently ill i hate goro akechi so much he’s so fucking selfish HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE THAT THIS DEAL IS TEARING ME APART #i was so tempted to get the bad ending just so that he was alive ☹️#he looked so happy. he was surrounded by people who loved and treasured him.no shido. control over his life. the ability to choose his futu #TEARS IN MY EYES MARUKI WAS THE ONLY VILLAIN WHO WAS LOWKEY MAKING SENSE 😭😭😭😭😭#my toxic trait is that i think maruki was right all along 😔#ALSO SUMIRE AAUUGGHHHH 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#the survivors guilt literally eating her alive until the point where she gaslighted herself into thinking she was her sister. insane.#royal was so good bro i’m so glad i endured 200 hours of hell just to play it #terrible terrible ending with everyone going their separate ways and ren ending up in juvie for months #akechi actually being dead in the good ending is so fucked up 😭😭 i thought there was some way maruki could bring him back regardless #not ren hallucinating him in the last cutscene too 😭😭😭😭 “i still see your shadows in my room” ahh ending #persona 5 royal #persona 5 #ren amamiya #akira kurusu #sumire yoshizawa #goro akechi #lotus draws

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choccy-milky · 5 months ago

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sometimes you gotta lure your overly-studious ravenclaw gf into spending time with you 🥰 📚 ( from 'Every Teardrop is a Waterfall' by Kat_12739 on ao3, GO READ IT!!! the first story is about seb falling sick and still pushing himself/not admitting he's sick until he ends up in the hospital, the second story is about the birth of seb and clora's daughter and seb's reaction to clora almost dying in childbirth, and the third is about dealing with a fussy newborn lewis😭🥹THEY'RE SO GOOD AND SWEET AND SOMEWHAT SAD (not to mention beautifully written) so go check it out!!💖💖 )

#READ SO I CAN YAP TO SOMEONE ABOUT THEM🙏😩💘#the seb sickfic made me realize how much i needed barely functioning and sick seb (but him still trying to be tough)#theres also a part that cracked me up bc at one point seb is so sick he cant even see straight but he just thinks to himself:#eh its fine.... ill just ask ominis how HE functions without vision later🤷 LMFAO #so stubborn...JUST LET CLORA TAKE CARE OF YOU MFER🤺🤺🤺#defs gonna be drawing more from it especially sick seb LMAO but also seb having a tea party with celeste🥹🥹#hogwarts legacy #sebastian sallow #sebastian sallow x oc #sebastian sallow x mc #sebastian x mc #hogwarts legacy fanfiction #sebastian sallow fanfiction #hphl #choccyart #also i was never planning on writing anything about clora giving birth or abt the kids so to be able to read it WAS AMAZING #THERES A PART WHERE SEB IS HOLDING CELESTE AND CRYING AT CLORAS BEDSIDE THAT I NEED TO DRAW😭😭#LIKE SRSLY seb being conflicted and not even wanting to HOLD celeste bc he doesnt know if clora is alive or not... IT WAS SO SAD BUT GOOD #i honestly dont know what seb would do if clora died in childbirth tbh.......i could honestly see him resenting celeste #esp since she looks so much like clora😭😭#LETS JUST NOT THINK ABOUT IT!😃👍#(still thinking about it)#like this line in the fic: “Sebastian hesitated; if this was Clora’s last gift to him he wasn’t sure he wanted it.”#😭😭😭ITS SO GOOD UGHHHHH😭 TY AGAIN FOR WRITING THESE💖IM SO TOUCHEDDD💖💖

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krotiation · 2 months ago

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i'll genuinely never stop thinking about codependency in rhack and how it's mostly coming from jack's side. both jack and rhys treat their relationship like rhys is the one who needs jack to not just survive but also thrive, but it's really the opposite and i think that REALLY adds to how much jack twists the narrative to make it seem like rhys can't do anything without him just to keep giving rhys a reason to keep him around and trust him

#plus the irony of it all #being someones obsession and then becoming so dependent on that someone to the point of YOU becoming obsessed with THEM #i just love it #yeah im rambling about rhack again #every once in a while i get reminded of what makes them so damn interesting and i turn into a sucker #their dynamic is just soooo good and theres so much stuff to look into and dissect #and like there are moments in the game where jack does mention that he needs rhys alive to survive himself outloud #but its always when rhys is actively in danger #other than that its 'ill have your back' and 'ill get you whatever you want'#but honestly rhys does a pretty good job of keeping himself alive #and he does have fiona and co with him too who (as much as jack doesnt wanna believe it) have rhys' back too #i just think jack trying to isolate rhys from them to reel him in is so interesting and fucked up and i love it sm #and of course i cant make a rhack ramble post without mentioning the murder-suicide thing HAKGHD someone has to keep talking abt that #bc thats really the moment that cemented to me how personal jacks feelings towards rhys were #where jack reaches the point of rather wanting to die than let rhys walk away from him alive #I JUST GJKHKDJG not even in a romantic way. jack just needs rhys painfully much #it just gets 10 times spicier when you slap some romance in there too #rhack #txt #this is just a long winded way of saying jack is really clingy in a very ugly and fucked up way #and i love that abt him <3 genuinely it might be my favorite part of his character

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andy-clutterbuck · 2 years ago

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Rick’s Twitchy Snarly Face | for @andysoulmate

#here ya go! 💚#Rick Grimes #*#rg #when else do you snarl #👀👀#are you even alive if Feral Wildman Rick didn't speak to some nasty part of your brain #survey says #no #excuse me but The Nose™#growl at me instead #if i lay here.....if i just lay here....would let my cradle the santa beard with my #*cash register noise* *breaking glass* *car horn*#if he doesn't also snarl while laying the pipe or being cunninglinguist grimes WHAT IS ThE POINT

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septimusmoonlight · 5 months ago

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You doing ok?

hi

#i'm alive. simply being chewed upon by multiple things #work is more stressful than i'd like it to be. for instance i'm hoping that i submitted my time off notification for tomorrow correctly #because otherwise it might read as a no call no show and i would . like to continue having a job #now to be fair. i do have it on the system that i requested it at the beginning of the month and i emailed my supervisor about it last week #so even if i didn't submit it correctly i'm likely in the clear #but nonetheless. i also got a firm talking-to the other day and now i am on ✨thin ice✨ for dicking around too much #because they track ur idle time at my work (computer) and mine was Quite High so my supervisor was like man what the hell is this #but even though she was kind of baffled at me spending so much time dicking around #she couldn't even really be all that mad in the end because i'm still doing good numbers and have made no (zero) mistakes #so she was just like. it's kind of impressive that your numbers look this good when you literally have 50% idle time #so she goes imagine what you could do if you weren't wasting so much time #and yeah i can whip out some Really Good Numbrers when i put the effort in.#so the problem is not my numbers it's just that i'm not spending long enough doing my tasks for the day #but i don't want to drag out those tasks intentionally so i've just been upping my own standards/goals #as much as i hate giving any more of my brain power than is necessary to giant corporations #it's still easy to feel smug after you get Talked To and then immediately turn around and show off #like yeah i coulda been doing this good the whole time. literally pulling up by 20 points. i just didn't want to.#trying to keep everyone's expectations low but accidentally toed the line of um. not working enough to keep my job #...anyway. EAS national weather system issued a . hi #i haven't forgotten about all of you i'm just having trouble tracking all my shit that i got going on ✨ yaaaaaaay #im gonna post things on AO3 soon. i promise. my weakness is that i get sidetracked trying to unwind from work #...i know i said 'soon' last time. but this time for real #asks #not sexy #anonymous

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roadkill-punk · 5 months ago

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Hi gang sorry I like burnt out and exploded here's a wip + Gabriel face headcanon. Righteous hands of the father or whatever.

Don't look too hard at the hand anatomy it'll get fixed like. Eventually.

#ultrakill #my art #gabriel ultrakill #wip #having like a Bad Time irl bc I can't get a job and have no income among other things #which is like fine bc I live with my mom but also it keeps me from being treated even remotely like an adult lol #Ig my point is art is really hard when being alive is already really difficult. Or something.#The autism makes me burn out just existing even when things are going well. So. You can probably imagine what it's like when they aren't #Not that I need to justify anything to a bunch of people on the internet I don't know but hey if you care about what's going on I guess

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polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup · 7 months ago

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literally no one was doing it like natsuno yuuki. he was genre savvy but he was also fucking gay so he still died. after his death he started dressing like the google search results for gay vampire. his only friends were his homoerotic bestie, an adult medical professional speed running his descent into madness, and two random kids he dug up his stalker’s grave with. he became a vampire and was immediately better at it than all of the other vampires but he thought they were bitches so he didn’t even tell them he turned. his last words was that he was never going to make it out of that town alive but if anyone could have it was him and that’s what makes him so tragic. he died trying to save someone who was never ever going to save him back. he wasn’t afraid to die because he was already dead. he burned the entire town to the ground mourning his own death and he didn’t do it to save a single goddamn person, he did it because they murdered him and he was going to fucking hurt them back for it. I’m obsessed with him

#natsuno yuuki #shiki anime #god this was such a good horror show #Ozaki was a force of his own but the actual thing that led to the downfall of the Shiki was Yuuki #Yuuki was the one who kept ozaki’s will his own which led to the ultimate reveal of the Shiki to the town #he was the first one to realize that it was vampires out of everyone #he was the one at the heart of every major turning point in the fight against the Shiki #and the sheer grief he has for himself is fascinating #he’s the one who fights the hardest to live initially #he wanted to get out of the town and go back to the city #he’s genre savvy and resilient and he kept trying and trying to find a way out for himself and the people he cared about #that ended up being his downfall #he tried to find a way out for someone already turned and that’s what ended up killing him in the end #but what’s fascinating is that he accepts his own death and that completely shifts his approach #he’s not trying to save his friend anymore #he doesn’t even tell him he was turned #he’s not trying to find a way out anymore either #he accepts himself as dead #he doesn’t want to escape #he doesn’t want to save the town #he wants to revenge himself #his own parents didn’t even fight to save him but he mourns his own death so violently he makes a pyre out of the town for it #Tatsumi asks him why he sided with the humans and he says he didn’t. he just didn’t like the shiki all that much.#he didn’t do it to save the town. he /didnt/ save the town. the town burned to the ground. he did it to revenge himself #he’s not afraid of dying because he’s already dead but he’s jinrou. he’s one of the few vampires who COULD pretend to be normal #he chooses to die fully instead of play at being alive #I’m just so obsessed with him

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uncanny-tranny · 9 months ago

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r u chill w non transitioning ppl?

Why wouldn't I be? At one point, every trans person who is transitioning was once someone who wasn't (whether or not that was a choice or their need is a separate discussion).

Hatred of any kind of trans person is not a Righteous or Good Thing - every single trans person has their place, their entitlement to safety, community, and respect of who they are

#ask #anon #trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #mtf #nonbinary #when i was a kid i cared way more about Earning a spot - about every trans person Proving ourselves #and then i grew up in many ways and experienced many unfortunate things - as a kid who couldn't transition nonetheless #that quickly sobered me to the reality that it doesn't matter what you do or don't do as a trans person #divided we fall. you canNOT give into the divide and conquer strategy - you will NEVER survive #the second you decide that some trans people are worth discarding entirely is the second you set a precedent #and that precedent will eventually choke you. that precedent WILL exclude you eventually #i think a lot of people end up in the place of You Have To Earn Your Spot because they think it will save them...#...those ridged requirements tell you what you need to do to Earn Being Alive...#...if there is no goal where you have earned unconditional respect and security what is there to do?#what would the point be? why should trans people even bother if we aren't guaranteed safety over all?#that misses the true foundation for so many of those requirements is control - not safety or respect #as i have transitioned medically i've learned so much about what the point is #in so many ways i have had really negative experiences because of transitioning - but the joy always outweighs the pain #that joy is what made it worth it

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numberonetribble · 2 months ago

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Stuck at my mom's house until the 27th, can't finish the comic I was working on until then :( here's a rough Cowboy!pinup sketch of Bumblebee and some Breakbee + Piston angst:

#I'll delete this later i just want to talk about it :3 #not featured: WHY Piston is pulling a [REDACTED] on their sire #rubbing my hands together like a fly ooooooh do i have some angst in the works for you guys i just don't have a perspective tool rl #Okay i had the idea of a cute Bumblebee and Breakdown in cowboy hats with a bonus piston but then i had an Idea #yes that but then follow up later when its time to pick a side piston does a cowboy accent very sadly like they have to pretend its not real #the REASON is s3 bee and break fighting in the dome and bee lost on his back with Break towering above him with a [REDACTED] pointed at him #and Piston is beating on the glass WAILING for them to stop #but the view point is slightly behind breaks so he's HUGE and bee is small and Piston is even smaller in the foreground #they stop fighting but Piston can not forgive their sire for that Piston took after Breaks they were thick as thieves but no no #they saw the look in his eye the fear in bee and he only stopped bc shockwave called him off yes he was hesitating to pull and shaking #like a leaf knowing he was being used like a rabid dog to take down the autobot he has to pretend to hate but Piston will always wonder #if he'd do it and they can't decide and it eats them alive but that's their carrier and forgiveness is not cheap #bumblebee does what he can to talk Piston down its just business he didn't really mean it they ve had centuries of faking it but Piston #oh sweet Piston childish days are over their spark has been hardened #they arent on a path of violence or vengeance but when breaks seeks them out “come with me we can be a real family on cybertron ”#piston says “we already were”#and later later we land on the So i guess that's it....i guess so.... you best get on out of here then #AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #does piston ever forgive? no but they understand things kinda get better but it's different now #i think they're scared that they'll end up like breaks bc they're so much like him they looked up to him and loved him so much #and now they know they have the capacity to do something like that and be used like that and they're scared #just so so so SO scared and it bothers them breaks was forced into it and they just want to SCREAM #they just want to run away with their parents away from the war where no one can bother them and live quietly #transformers #maccadam #transformers oc #tf piston #worry not i shall draw these once I'm home #but i have a laundry list of other things i want to draw first

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mewkwota · 10 days ago

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Another little sketch of this politely-speaking robot that is not up to anything malicious. It's very likely his usual formalities, but Juno was also talking to a higher-ranking Unit than him that he ends up apologizing twice. It makes me wonder what the relations, however much there was, between him and Trigger could've been like.

. . . And also, I was focused on Juno's sweet little face and mouth shape again. When Juno is not smiling, his mouth still appears very soft in a way that makes me want to gently press a finger to it.

#yes I know at some point I will have gone through every single little frame of juno's existence #but that's how it is when he is alive for less than 15 minutes and opens his eyes for only 3 seconds #but as always I shall work with what is present and cherish it #so I'm trying to put these thought doodles out incrementally so as not to make my brain explode from thinking too hard #I've said all this before (in tags) but I'm still thinking very much about it: a particular softness in an otherwise hard-n-cold body #this on top of the marriage-like motif I spoke of previously seems to go together too (...'no'? oh well to me it does)#I'd give juno a bouquet too if his hands could hold them but it would probably just die #doodle-daas #megaman legends #rockman dash #megaman juno #rockman juno #. . . oh yeah my other point.#in nxc juno also referred to volnutt (fan-translated) as 'lord' a few times which I believe they meant to translate '-sama'?#for clarification I have not checked the JP scripts for that game or legends so I don't know if juno uses this by default #(and he's also literally only talked to (1) person in legends so--)#if my presumptions are true #this could be how juno-- being a 3rd class unit and all-- treats volnutt or rather trigger #he knows of trigger's status and skill level along with his proximity in the chain of command to sera so it'd make sense #and hence why I chose to use 'master' in my comics instead #could I be wrong? maybe. who knows.#but it does make my brain think very hard which is fun :)#because I have even more layers to dig through that aren't just volnutt's (how fun! *my room continues to fill with burning smoke*)

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stardustinthesky · 2 months ago

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What happened to the baby?

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ganondoodle · 5 months ago

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i wish i could get a break from my own emotions, i either feel nothing or everything constantly and so intensely, its so exhausting, i just want a pause, a break, a breather, a vacation from myself, something that lets me live and not be aggravating or aggravated for once

#ganondoodles talks #personal #at this point i almosst want to have a breakdown #if i knew id feel normal afterwards ..#its been over a month of this now- constantly on the edge of a breakdown- the worst i can be #aside from those awful short circuits where i explode for 10 minutes and then feel fine again and rly weird about what i just did #i want a break from this #wasting time doing nothing but feeling things that dont matter and make everything worse #just stop ...............................#im losing even the few connections i made online and cant get myself to start new ones #despite there being people that seem to try and reach out #i am horrible at reaching back #and keeping it alive #if i could at least get rid of the guilt #the guilt from every decision i make or not make #everything always ends into guilt #and it just keeps piling up #even posting these things! guilty feeeling bad over and over

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fevers-and-emeto-oh-my · 2 months ago

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me, crying: chrisker...

#resident evil #chrisker #i'm so for real. i'm obsessed with them #they are SO obsessed with each other #and entangled the entire way through the series even after wesker dies #i am PRAYING for a wesker return in re9 #i mean. the end of re8 set up the next plot point being the downfall of the BSAA #so as much as i would adore a leon + jill game and i absolutely won't be mad if that's what we get #i am hoping they explore the downfall with chris in 9 or another game. and if they do they BETTER bring wesker back #we did NOT see a body. no body = alive in all media always #and i just. im climbing the walls #im so feral about them #the way their love is doomed. the way they can't let go of each other #the way wesker always keeps an eye on chris and the way chris uses replicas of wesker's weapons #the 5 stages of grief chris went through when he met jake #and the clear suffering heavy guilt he carries for killing wesker when he offers for jake to shoot him #im so unwell. they are so #*screaming*

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unproduciblesmackdown · 1 month ago

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winston my quant of billions

#''😒''#corned beef #winston billions #& green of all things; drew it in purpley pink & being like whoa hey is this too much deliberately breaking out this Rare Coloring #minty fresh....been funny to be rotating the villainy of; let's say; bsol & xmas & then thinking about billions' whole other world there #& its completely different take where of all things winston is like. treated as a villain in a way its sicko My God central men aren't #(who are also quite different from iconis villains but yknow with the very fundamental differences in general what else is a surprise)#axe? prince? alive & well & billions does mean to be commenting on that like yeah sure #but winston? gotta be humiliated & violated & attacked / killed (if figuratively + just by assumption Oh He's Fiiine)#as well as basically truly dead to everyone but in a Never Existed / Spontaneously Shunned way. nobody thinks about him ever again #including when non wretched central men characters are getting these silver linings Benefits from their sabotaging a central man #not winston though maybe; the writing has forgotten him / sees no worth in bringing him up unless At His Expense; not gain #didn't get background randos telling prince or the like to go fuck himself at any point. open contempt reserved for winston there #better to have Objective Entitlement to power over / access to people & then; hey what the; be an asshole about it???#than to not just Have that entitlement & not expect it & not try to use it & be friendly & minding your own business as much or more than #any other characters like good lord what a Loser. the queerness & disability of this inferiority? just some jokes (at winston's expense)#& we will be killing him like nobody even considers for central men takedowns. those are polite & we all have Some regret it came to this #better to abuse people than. be so unepic (different from Normal white cishet 50some men who love certain media)#& on that note you're never gonna guess what's Good to do to the unepic people who bring it upon themselves....yeah haha. abuse #you're never gonna guess but power difference is a given & also good if an epic person has that power. & on that note #what can they do with it but keep unepic people in their place? what other hope do we have? winston may try to say a pun. or speak at all :#anyway while there's the absolute joys of Any Good Bastard over in a wildly different oeuvre it's like well yknow #while winston is already Ruining Things as more a Wretched Sicko Evil Asshole for seeing himself as a person & others as people #instead of himself as an inferior who has to apologize for existing & initiating any interaction vs only ever doing as he's told #unlike the best heroes who know they're superior & will use others & mess with their lives however they feel is justified; you're welcome #like well if winston's such an exceptional dick(tm) around here that he has to be introduced w/discussion / explanation around this #great let him be even bitchier & more ''difficult''....& billions would never & that's why [sorry to all the characters trapped in there]#the slightest glimpses of like & The Quasirival Weirdo Duos Are Kinda Being Cunts b/w usual parallels riawin & taylip #what comes of that? oh nothing. but as ever these are at least glimpses of a little more liveliness & range for making room for this a sec #anyway imagine getting so niche that your other kinda just as niche thing is like. less niche. but not really. wheee yayyy fr lol My Whimsy

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motziedapul · 19 days ago

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Doomerism is a privilege. Many of you don't know how to identify privileges you have; this is one of them.

#I say this with as much kindness and sincerity as I can muster but many of you come from privilege you don't even know you have #and while it feels like the world is ending the more you lose those privileges you must understand that most people live without them #the world doesn't end even when it gets worse #you'll keep being alive and you'll keep seeing tomorrow and you'll realize at some point that the struggle never actually stops #and you'll rail against the idea of having to struggle your entire life but you learn to work around obstacles #and fight the ones who put them there because you know what you deserve as a person and you know what the people around you deserve #because you do not have the privilege to simply give up if you care about other people #thoughts #doomerism

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