#if i knew id feel normal afterwards ..

[ganondoodle]

i wish i could get a break from my own emotions, i either feel nothing or everything constantly and so intensely, its so exhausting, i just want a pause, a break, a breather, a vacation from myself, something that lets me live and not be aggravating or aggravated for once

[gothamcityneedsme]

ok tbh.  as i continue to have more Positive Pride Thoughts, as was my resolution for pride this year, i think i want to emphasize my birom status more, because personally...thats what really matters most to me?  i come out as bi to normies so i dont have to explain things, but being a birom ace is really just.  vital to my being, idk.  i usually say ‘im ace’ when talking about myself but thats just really not accurate. i am BIROM ACE.  that is what MATTERS to me.

[s1m0nth3swag]

Francis Mosses x GN!Reader

AUTHORS NOTE; Haven't written in a while, but thanks to Arlo, a friend (Hi Arlo, I know you're reading this), Inspiration about Francis Mosses struck (he bought me That's not my neighbor and then continued to freak out about Francis with me) so I wrote this. I have so many thoughts about Francis, so... tell me if you want more because i will deliver ngl. Enjoy (or don't, I don't dictate your feelings)

WARNINGS/ CONTENT INFO; Porn with little to no plot, Submissive Francis, a little non-consensual at the start (but not in a super weird way, imo?), Gender neutral reader (no pronouns used, tried to write as GN as possible with the compliments and thoughts about Readers appearance), not proofread nor have I thought about this much, more a drabble than an actual thoughtful story (not apologising because I had such a long break from writing anything and obviously it's gonna suck a little when I come back)

NSFW UNDER THE CUT!

The first time Francis had realised that he hadn't gotten any touch from another human being was when someone brushed up against him on his way home from work. He had felt like a creep afterwards because he hadn't stopped thinking about what could've happened if the person hadn't moved away and had just stayed pressed against him. That was a week before you started your job as a doorman.

The second time Francis had noticed was when a friend of his had spoken to him on the phone, talking about his new girlfriend. Said friend gave too much intel on their sex life. Francis had wondered if he could have someone the way his friend explained - he quickly brushed the thought off. That was two days before you started working as a doorman.

The third time, he noticed when you had smiled at him. It was your first day, and he was tired from work. You had repeated his name after reading it off of his ID, and he had looked at you for the first time since his eyes kept falling closed, and you smiled so brightly. You had told him his name was nice, and you said it again. Francis swore that the way his name rolled off your tongue was the most beautiful thing he's ever heard. Not even an angel could sound more wonderful. Suddenly, he was a lot more energised. Totally not thanks to the fact that he had immediately grown hard the second he had seen your smile. He had gone to his apartment that night and had jerked off for the first time in probably months. He had always been too tired to previously, but now he couldn't stop thinking about how you'd sound moaning his name. Maybe you were more of a groaner, or you'd whimper and whine. He came as he imagined how you'd look sucking his dick.

Since then, Francis has always looked forward to entry checks. What had normally kept him away from his bed and a good night's sleep was now the best experience of his day. He loved the way you spoke to him even though he was too nervous to respond. Sometimes, he deliberately didn't show his ID at first, just so you'd ask about it, and he could listen to you talk a little more. He felt guilty about it. He knew you had never agreed to feed into this weird little obsession of his. It was awful of him to do this - have you talk to him enough to give him more scenarios to think about that night.

A few weeks after all this had started, Francis had built up the courage to finally ask you out. Just something simple, dinner at his place. He had to cook for himself all the time. Cooking for you as well wouldn't be too different, right?

Francis was wrong. He was anxious that the food wouldn't taste good and kept tasting it just so he could make sure it hadn't mysteriously switched tastes in the last 20 seconds. When you knocked on his door, he took a minute to make sure he didn't look like a mess - though you wouldn't mind either way since he always looked like a mess when he came through during your shifts.

You looked so good when he opened the door. Your hair fell perfectly, your lips looked a little too kissable, and Francis had to stop his train of thought just so he wouldn't embarrass himself by having yet another boner caused by just the way you looked. You were a little shorter than him, smiling up as he let you inside.

"You look good." He mumbled, his cheeks flushing. He seriously had to lay off thinking like a high-schooler. His nervousness and awkwardness were getting really annoying - to him, at least. You grinned, chuckling softly as you took off your shoes. "Thank you. You do as well." His heart for sure burst at that - he knew something else would burst as well if he didn't stop thinking right this second.

Throughout the evening, ignoring his thoughts came easier and easier. The two of you had eaten, you had told him he was a good cook, he had almost excused himself to the bathroom because of it. Now you were sitting on the couch, drinking wine and talking casually.

"You know, when you first walked through, I swore I would die." You giggled, looking at him with a mischievous look. Francis was confused by that statement. "How come?" He asked, tilting his head at you in question. "I was sure you were a doppelganger. You looked too handsome to be real." You cheekily answered, cheeks slightly flushed as you downed your wine. Francis blushed heavily, looked away from you, and thought about your words for a moment. The silence was loud as he wondered what to answer. "..you think I'm handsome?" He questioned while looking at the floor. If he had looked at you, he'd have seen the way you stared at him, your own cheeks coloured a deep red. "Extremely." You muttered. It took him a minute before he could look at you, but when he did, his lips pressed against yours in a desperate kiss.

When you reciprocated, Francis groaned and pulled you closer until you sat on his lap. He was just a tiny bit embarrassed when you gasped and felt his dick press against you. In all honesty, he had held back the entire night, and he was allowed a little selfishness. "Sorry. Can't help it." He muttered between kisses. You just grinned against his lips before grinding against him. A whimper fell from his lips - that was the moment he was actually embarrassed. "That's cute.." You had mumbled, a cheeky grin on your face as you started placing kisses against his jaw and neck. One of your hands trailed down his body to rest right over his crotch, Francis unconsciously bucked his hips up against your hand, whining. He didn't notice anything else as you caught the skin of his neck with your teeth carefully, leaving the softest bite mark on him. He shuddered at the feeling and gasped before realising that you had meanwhile unzipped his pants. A groan slipped from his lips as you ran a finger over his dick, still hidden from sight by his boxers, but god knows he would cum the second you'd touch it without. "Is this okay?" You asked him, and he nodded faster than he even knew he could. "Yes. God, yes. Please, please continue.." he muttered, his breathing heavy as he watched you slide off his lap, settling in front of him and between his legs. His dick twitched at the sight, and he let out a heavy sigh. Minutes later, his pants and boxers were discarded, and the way you looked up at him, his dick so close to your face, made Francis feel the way his orgasm was approaching way too quick. The second you wrapped your hand around him he whined pathetically, bucked up into your hand and knew that he'd definitely cum too soon. Your hand was so soft, cool against his hot flesh, and you worked his dick so good he almost thought you were a professional. He looked down at you through lidded eyes, watched the way you bit your lip, and grinned knowingly. "Such a pretty boy, huh?" You chuckled, and that definitely sealed the deal for Francis. He came, probably ruining his shirt as he dirtied both it and your hand. His heart stopped for a second when you licked your hand while looking up at him. "You didn't give me enough time to taste you properly. Don't look at me like that." You huffed, rolling your eyes at him. "You should probably take off your shirt so you can clean it later." You then winked. He swiftly shed the piece of clothing, entranced by your voice and the way you looked. "Sorry, didn't mean to cum that fast.." he mutters, his voice out of breath. "Jus'.. unused to... this.." he added, clearing his throat awkwardly. You laughed and shook your head. "Don't worry about it. We have all the time in the world to make you last longer. I'm gonna give you a real reason to be tired tomorrow." You winked.

Francis didn't even mind that he was in for a long night.

Your honour I am gnawing at the bars of my enclosure.

[luveline]

Hi id love to send u a request but I just can't match your genius mind, id looooveee more zombie!au Steve!!! 🥺🥺🥺🫶🏻🫶🏻 maybe smth about r or Steve almost being bitten by a geek?

hi!! thank you angel!! zombie au steve x fem!reader, 3k

"Sneaking around with your boyfriend would've been considered sort of scandalous a few years ago," you think aloud, eyes skipping over medication labels slowly. "Now it's the norm."

"We are the opposite of scandalous," Steve says. 

You push pill bottles aside to meet his eyes through the gap in the shelves. He narrows his gaze. "You know how you saw me naked, like, a week after we met?" 

Steve's glare turns playfully salacious. "Yeah?" 

"Did that make it less, uh, important? Not important. Was it less intimate for you when I was naked on purpose?" 

Steve returns his eyes to the pill bottles. "No." 

"Is that weird for me to ask you?" 

"No, that's not weird, why would that be weird?" He looks up again. His expression softens. "Don't worry, it's not weird. It's a normal question. You're wondering if I was… desensitised." 

"Yeah, exactly. Were you desensitised?" 

Trust Steve to say something snippy and then feel bad enough afterwards to immediately backtrack. There's no need for him to feel guilty because you'd known he was joking, and if he weren't it wouldn't matter to you —you know being outside of camp makes him nervous, and tightly strung. You aren't expecting him to be all smiles, especially when you're asking peculiar questions. 

"If anything," he says, his voice a murmur that evidences shy affection, "it was way more special. I knew you back to front already, but the first time you showed me you, on purpose, it was different." 

You grin at him. "Like a look don't touch scenario where you finally get to touch?" 

"I'm trying to be sweet on you." 

"What was it like?" you ask. Your smile is audible. 

"Like fucking relief." He reaches through the shelves to squeeze your hand. "You're being slow." 

You take your hand back and return to the task. You're looking for anti-seizure medication for one of the children at camp. It's an important mission and neither of you had hesitated when Joyce asked you to go, but you can't say you enjoy being out here. Talking to Steve makes things better. Easier to cope. Talking to Steve about loving him and being loved by him could make you forget a pike through the chest. 

You move to the next shelf below. 

There aren't many drugs for epilepsy. You aren't sure the child even has epilepsy, but no one has the knowledge to identify anything else. Sarah (Robin's fast friend from camp) read in her field medic journal that a seizure can be caused by lots of things, and she also said that sometimes what looks like a seizure isn't a seizure at all. What is it, then? you'd asked. 

The page was missing. 

You're working through a mental list of four drugs methodically, scanning and rescanning the labels on the bottles in the back of a pharmacy. This is the raw stuff, the kind that sometimes needs to be ground and poured into capsules with filler, so if you do find the right meds you'll also need to find a pestle and some other equipment. It's a hassle, but it's worth it completely if it helps. 

"Clonazepam," you read. You lift your head. "Steve, that's the right one, right? Clonazepam?" 

Steve's head snaps up. "Yeah, that's the last resort one. Where's that?" 

He rounds the shelves to be on the same side as you, seemingly hoping for similar medications to be in the same place. His hand drops casually to your shoulder as he bends, reading each label with a determined brow. 

"Valproate," he says, relieved, hand closing around another bottle. "Okay, two options. Thank god." 

"Do they have the side effects on the bottle?" you ask. 

Steve turns the bottle but there's no second label.

"The side effects are usually worse than the original problem," he says, frowning, "remember those migraine pills we found, the leaflet?" That's how bored you and Steve had become at one point in your isolation, you'd started reading medical pamphlets. "I'd rather have a headache than lose my sense of smell." 

"Depends on how bad the headache is. You keep looking for the, uh, the carba-Tegre one. I'll go scout the equipment." 

"Tegretol," he corrects lightly. "Carbamazepine, brand name Tegretol." 

You're impressed by his memory. He sees that, and he lifts his hand to you. Palm your way, you can see he's written the names of the medication as you'd been advised to find by one of the camp members, a retired carer who worked bedside for a lady who suffered from epilepsy. 

"Your spelling is terrible," you say. 

"Whatever," he says flippantly. You're barely ten paces away when he adds, "I love you." 

"I love you too," you say. There's no need to call. The building, this entire town, is silent. You'll hear a geek a mile away. 

You poke at dusty equipment sceptically. You don't need filler, you don't think, but it affects absorption, maybe? You're not a pharmacist nor a chemist, whoever's watching knows you didn't have time to become much of anything, you're just doing as the retired carer advised. There's a press contraption with what feels like hundreds of caplet sized holes toward the front. You put it in your bag and lament its weight as you search for a pestle. 

"I've found the filler," Steve says. "There's a huge container of it. Lactose. And another of starch."

"Starch, like potatoes? We could put her medicine in mash potato."

"I think we just need a pestle and a weighing scale now. And some hand sanitiser." 

"I'll have the scales and the sanitiser, what about Robin's deodorant?" you ask. 

"At the front. I'll get it. You'll have another one?" 

"Please tell me they have that Carribean Crush one again, it was lovely." 

"You're lovely. I'll find it." 

The weighing scale must get its name from how ridiculously heavy it is. That along with the pestle has your bag feeling like a boulder attached to your neck. Maybe Steve will be willing to share the load with you. Actually, there's no need for maybe. If you tell him, he'll carry it with you happily. 

You scan the room for useful things. Batteries, food, things you've trained your eye to pick out of a bomb site if necessary. You pocket a pen for Steve and leave the rest where it lays, stepping out into the slightly bigger medications room before rounding a plexiglass wall to the pharmacy counter. Steve crouches down the aisleway, rejected roll-on deodorant on the floor beside him. 

You're about ten feet away from him when the geek lunges for him. 

You can't even tell it's a geek at first, it moves quickly, quietly, smooth as a living human. They've become diverse as the infection thrives, and you should've been thinking about that fact. You should've been standing at the front of the room. 

You freeze. You freeze and you waste time. 

"Steve!" you shriek. 

Steve's flat on his side, kicking with the entire force of his body. The geek actually bounces back with the force of each kick, but he's persistent, and stronger than he should be, a mottled hand on Steve's shoulder and decaying teeth snapping with a sound like cracking marble near his face. Steve tries to scramble from under the geek and its face falls down by Steve's ribs and upper arm. He yanks his arm away, and there's an odd ripping sound. 

You run so fast down the aisle to protect him that you can't slow, the entire weight of your body and the heavy bag you carry throttling the geek with a horrid slap against the glass door. It flies open and you topple out onto asphalt, sliding across the geek's body and taking the brunt of your rolling in your hands and the top of your face. Steve shouts a war cry and barrels after you. You go on knees, hands trembling and rushing as you grab for the knife in your belt. Steve lands on top of the geek and drives the blade of his pen knife straight into the crease between its brows, grunting as he goes, his breath coming too fast. 

You've clipped your head on the floor, the warmth of blood trickling down your brow. It doesn't concern you. 

What concerns you is the sizable tear in Steve's coat. 

He almost cuts you with his knife as you run at him, yanking the sleeves of his coat and jacket down. 

"What– what are you doing?" he asks. You tug at his sleeve like you've been possessed, panic a coil that won't loosen in your throat. "What–?" 

If he's been bitten, you'll have to saw his arm off. It's the most horrible thing you can think of, hurting someone you love, hurting the one person you love most. Your breath is half sob as you finally get his outerwear off of his arm. You don't know how to do that to somebody and especially Steve, how could you ever sever a limb? But if it will stop the infection, if it would save him—

You push the long sleeve of his t-shirt up his arm and stare down at his arm. Bruised near the wrist, pale, threaded with dark-green veins, his skin is unbroken. He hasn't been bitten. 

You pull his arm to your chest and almost break down there in the street. Steve stands with his coat hanging off of his one shoulder and doesn't respond to your actions for a long, heavy second. 

"You thought it bit me," he says. 

Your breath catches. 

"It didn't bite you." 

"No," he says, "it didn't bite me." 

"Your coat." 

Steve pulls you back inside of the store. He looks around the room twice, and then leads you to an empty corner to hug you. 

You're frenetic and frantic at once, hands sliding up and down his arm, eyes tracing his light skin like an injury might materialise. 

"It didn't bite me," Steve says, "but you're bleeding." 

You hiss as his fingertip locates your cut forehead. It must be a very small cut considering how little it bled. You've had head injuries that wept for hours, leaving you dizzy and disorientated from the subsequent lack of blood. This one's a wimp. 

You've also seriously hurt your shoulder from the backpack's weight and your small skirmish. You're not going to tell him that, not now, not when you've been dropped face first into the horror of potentially losing him forever. 

Steve eases out of his jacket. He takes your hand from his arm and pushes both sleeves up, bearing both arms in front of you. 

"It didn't get me, honey. Try to calm down." 

He says it softly, with no judgement or condescension. Only concern. 

"I'm fine," you say. 

It's strangled, you'll admit. Steve turns his arms to show you both sides before he tilts your head up and toward the meagre filtering sunlight, analysing your head injury in detail. 

"Did you hurt yourself? When you fell, did it feel like you hit it hard, or was it something sharp?" You don't answer, and he gets snippy. "Y/N, tell me. Did it hurt?" 

"Steve, you're the one who almost got bit." 

"And you're the one who almost died of a fucking concussion not that long ago, in case you forgot. Sit down. I'm not kidding, sit down." 

You blink, mildly startled by his hissing, and sit on the ground. He's being snappy because he's panicking, that's all it is. You hold back an unhelpful comment that your concussion had been months and months ago, so it kind of was long ago. 

He lets his coat and jacket fall to the floor and jogs back up the aisle to the bandages and gauze. He takes a detour for antiseptic, and then he sets himself down in front of you. 

"Did you hit it hard?" he asks. 

You shake your head. 

He doused a piece of gauze in antiseptic. "Sting," he warns, washing the length of your forehead with his makeshift wipe. He quickly swaps the bloodied one for a clean one. "Hold this." 

You hold it. He gets back up, scouring the shelves by the bandages until he plucks out a small box. He crushes it with his hand and the medical tape inside falls into his waiting palm. He sits again, tears two strips, and lines the edges of your gauze with them. It would all be much easier if they had big band-aids. 

"Show me your pupils, baby," he says. 

Steve, for his street smarts and survival skills, used to freak out about injuries. But Steve freaking out freaks you out and he guessed that soon enough, so every cut and bruise these days is met with a silent approach. It's the opposite of your reaction. Embarrassment starts to creep in. 

You widen your eyes and let Steve check your pupils. 

"Same size," he says. 

"It's just a cut." 

Steve shuffles across the floor so his thigh is pressed to yours, rather than having his back to the store. He breathes out slowly, breathes in quick, and then forces the bottom of his palm into his thigh cruelly. 

"How the fuck did that happen?" he asks. If he weren't being hyper vigilant, he'd be scrubbing his eyes in a tell tale nervous tic. "We haven't had something like that in months. We swept this whole place when we came in, where the fuck was he hiding? I feel sick." 

"You do?" you ask, terrified. 

"It didn't bite me," he assures you again. Thankfully without any annoyance. 

"It ripped a chunk out of your coat with its teeth. Forgive me for thinking your skin was less hardy than pressed plastic." 

Your acidity shocks you both. 

Things are awkward for a split second, 'cos it's difficult to feel awkward around someone who you've spent every second of the day with since you met. You feel for a moment that you could just take him by the shoulders and shake him. You love him, you could never hurt him, but he has to see sense: he doesn't understand how much you need him. Not to keep you alive, but to give you a reason to do it yourself. If he got bit, you'd die. Plain and simple. Internally first, but surely the heartbreak would murder you in the end. 

"I didn't know you were so disagreeable," Steve says. 

"I didn't know you knew a word that long."

Steve laughs, startled. You want to be mad, but you're so thankful that he's not dying and so suddenly wiped you can only laugh with him.

"I forgot how quick you are when we fight," Steve says. 

"We don't fight anymore." 

"That could be amended. Especially if you're going to get fresh with me."

"You started it." 

"I always start it." Steve flicks your shoulder."Let me see your head," he says. You turn your neck so he can see the outermost side of your head. "You swelled up like a helium balloon when you fell through that floor. It was right at the back of your head and I could tell something was wrong… This is fine. It bulged out last time." 

"It what?" you demand, pulling another rare laugh from him.

He winds down, clasping your knee. You cover his hand, and only then do you realise it's shaking.

"Steve, you almost died." 

"But I didn't die, I'm fine, and you need to stop freaking out because high blood pressure is definitely bad for a concussion. You could die yourself if you don't relax, seriously." Steve clears his throat. "Sorry, for getting heated. And thanks for knocking that guy clean off of me, what was that? You holding out on me when we wrestle? That was clean." 

"That was like, a mom's adrenaline thing. No, not 'cos I'm your mom, idiot. Loved one's adrenaline. I thought you were gonna die and suddenly I could've run for fucking gold in the Tokyo Olympics." 

"How did I get some of that? Whenever you're hurt I just feel like crying." 

"I think the crying bit comes after. Maybe if you tried getting to me quicker you'd have enough adrenaline to save me." 

He smiles before he talks, so you know it's going to be bad, "If a geek eats me during an adrenaline rush, am I a human Red Bull?"

"Okay, you have to keep an eye on the store because I need to be hugging you," you say, giving him little time to disagree as you climb on top of his lap. 

It's not comfortable nor sexy, but for once you don't care how heavy you are. You wrap your hands around the back of his neck and cradle his head, his face hooked over your shoulder so that he can still see your surroundings. He slides his hands underneath your coat and hugs you in turn. Your heart's still racing, and his hands are still shaking, but you lived. He lived. You've defeated danger for the hundredth time. 

"This really doesn't get any easier, does it?" you ask, petting his hair.  

He pats your back. "No, I don't think so. S'why I need you with me." 

"That's why I need you." 

Steve dots a quick kiss against the column of your throat. When he puts his chin back atop your shoulder, it's with a heaving sigh. 

"I can't believe you almost got bit," you say. 

"Yeah, well. Nobody has any manners anymore." 

[tiramisuucakeee]

8. LEAP OF FAITH

( sunflower, yang jungwon )

“ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh,”

the rhythm of the music kept you going as you ran laps around the national mall, pushing yourself to stretch each stride as far as you could. your legs burned a little, but you were used to it. the beat kept you moving.

"needless to say, na-na-na-na-na, she was all na-na... nevertheless, calling it quits now, baby..." you mumbled under your breath, your eyes scanning the area. families were scattered around, some taking photos, others just enjoying the day, but no one paid you any mind. it was normal for runners to come to this place.

"crash at my place... na-na-na-na..." you hummed, slowing down as your watch beeped. it was time for a break. you eased up, catching your breath, and let your legs slow, feet still tapping to the beat.

“ooh-ooh-ooh… can't refuse… she wanna… cruise, and i’m not trynna lose…”

carrying yourself towards a tree on the grass around the monument, you sat down carefully, not trying to open the wound on your side again, thanks to the prowler. it was bad, you knew you weren’t supposed to be doing this - not until after graduation, at least - but a few days wouldn’t hurt. besides, you had plans to take some pictures with the team afterward, a shot in some cheer formation. you needed to keep moving if you wanted it to look right.

your phone buzzed in your pocket, pulling you out of the moment. you grabbed it, seeing the caller ID, aunt may. you tapped to answer, bringing the phone to your ear.

“hey, sweetheart,” aunt may’s voice was warm but slightly worried. “could you do me a favor? i’ve been trying to get ahold of wonnie all day, but he’s not answering. i was thinking... maybe you could swing by and take his laptop to him? he’s at stark tower, but i don’t know what’s going on with him. i’ve called, texted, nothing.”

it was weird for jungwon to act like this, though you remembered you haven’t talked at all this past week. you two were both busy with final exams and graduation preparations. or atleast you were, and thought he was.

you glanced around, letting out a small breath. “yeah, of course, i’ll take it over. don’t worry, i’ll make sure he gets it.” you paused, feeling the familiar knot of concern twist in your stomach. “is he... okay?”

“he's probably just busy with that internship. you know how he gets, after all, it’s his future,” aunt may replied with a chuckle, though her tone was still tinged with concern. “just check in with him for me, okay? make sure that stark guy isn’t too hard on him.”

“i will,” you said, already standing up and stretching out your legs. the break had done you good, and now you felt ready to go. “i’ll head out soon to your home. don’t worry.”

after hanging up, you took a moment to look around again. the day was too nice to rush through. but, of course, there was no saying no to aunt may - or to jungwon, for that matter. you grabbed your stuff, deciding you’d finish your workout another day.

!

sliding the spare key inside the door lock, you were met with aunt may’s apartment, a place you’ve recently visited more times than you could count, your parents often let you crash here ever since you and jungwon started being a thing. even though they’ve met him three times, they could trust him with you.

you stepped into jungwon's room, and looked around. posters of the bridge, a few superhero sketches, and street art cover the walls. his bed's messy - blanket half-thrown, sneakers scattered at the foot, his backpack tossed nearby. there’s a mug of something half-drunk on the nightstand, and the laptop's open with a few tabs of research and news articles.

“there it is,” you spoke out loud, and headed over to the device, glancing slightly at what he was doing. “cross species genetics? lizard dna into mice? what the hell…” you shook your head, and closed it, slipping it on his backpack and taking it with you.

the city streets were busy, being almost lunch time, so you decided to take a cab to the stark tower, leaving a message for jungwon, to let him know you’d be there with his stuff.

you turned your gaze upward and spotted the towering silhouette of stark tower in the distance. it was even more imposing up close - its sleek, modern design gleaming in the sunlight, with a structure that seemed to stretch endlessly into the sky. it was one of the city's landmarks, and though you’d been here before once with your class in a tour, its scale always made you feel small, almost insignificant.

once paying and getting off the cab, you approached the entrance, greeted by the constant hum of tech and innovation that permeated the building.

“woah…” as you walked inside, the lobby was something else - clean, minimalistic, yet undeniably high-tech. glass panels and steel frames blended with holographic displays that floated in midair, showing the latest updates from stark industries. people moved with purpose - some in suits, others in casual wear - talking on their communicators or typing furiously on handheld devices. the whole place reeked of power and cutting-edge science.

your family had a tech company, for hospitals all around the country, but they couldn’t compare to the infrastructure of this place, it seemed from the future.

at the front desk, a sleek, well-dressed receptionist looked up as you approached, a polite smile on her face. you cleared your throat. “hey, i’m looking for the internship program, i have to drop a computer off. where do i go?”

she glanced at her screen, eyes flickering briefly over her monitor. “go through security, you make your way up the elevator. just swipe your ID card on the panel inside, and it’ll get you where you need to go.”

you blinked, a little taken aback. "i don’t-"

but she had already turned back to her screen, leaving you a little more confused. it seemed a bit strange, but you figured it out. after passing security check, you made your way to the nearest elevator, feeling a bit more like an imposter than you should’ve, as you slipped into the sleek, mirrored lift, praying that it would work without a card.

the elevator doors slid shut, and the lift moved upwards. you didn’t know how far you were supposed to go, and suddenly, the elevator came to an abrupt stop. the lights flickered slightly before they steadied. the doors slid open with a soft chime, and you stepped out into a hallway. but something felt wrong, this didn’t seem like a floor for internship.

this wasn’t where you were supposed to be. and now you were stuck on… some random floor.

before you could even process it, a blond, tall, muscular figure rounded the corner, dressed in a casual, yet worn-looking jacket. captain america. steve rogers.

he paused as soon as he saw you, his expression shifting from casual to surprised. “hey, i know you,” he said, his voice low and warm. he seemed genuinely curious. “you’re- uh- you’re with spider- jungwon, right?”

you brain did a quick flip, and the awkwardness hit almost immediately. “uh, yeah. i mean, yeah, i’m... i’m with him.” it was crazy enough you had met spider-man two times, now you met captain america.

steve chuckled, a warm, almost nostalgic sound. “that kid’s talked about you more than i think he realizes. seems like you’ve gotten yourself in trouble a lot lately, huh? spider guy also likes to run his mouth about the people he saves.”

you laughed nervously, your brain scrambling for something witty to say. "no, yeah, i guess i have… sorry, it’s really, wow, meeting two superheroes, you guys are like- celebs, or something. i mean like, it’s incredible."

he grinned. “it is. some old people still don’t believe the 65 years in ice thing,” his eyes crinkled with amusement. “we’re kind of old-fashioned, i wouldn’t have either.”

you smiled awkwardly, glad that the tension was melting away. there was something about steve’s demeanor that made you feel comfortable. a few moments passed, and the two of you started making small talk in the middle of the hallway, sharing old-man jokes. spider-man was right, captain america would like you if you ever met him.

it was weird, bonding with him, he seemed so young, yet so old. but he was easy-going, after all, he knew your late grandfather, who created the family medical-tech business, all starting in the war, selling it to military.

“so, what brings you here? i suppose you’re not here to talk to me in the middle of the hall, right? you’re looking for jungwon?" steve asked, still grinning.

“you’re funny, and yeah, i’ve got his stuff, uh- his computer," you replied, gesturing to the backpack slung over your shoulder. "but it looks like i got a little lost. could you tell me where he is doing the internship?”

he nodded, his smile still there. “no problem. i’ll take you to the science lab, you need to go find happy, he should be nearby supervising, he’ll help you.”

the two of you walked down the hallway, chatting as you went, until you finally reached a secure door with a card access panel. steve swiped his own ID, and the door clicked open. you waved him goodbye, thanked him once more, and stepped into the bustling office space beyond.

inside, the floor was filled with a steady hum of conversation and activity. corporate scientists, researchers, engineers, with interns following them around - all working on something monumental. holo-screens flickered, large projects sprawled across tables, and high-tech gadgets buzzed in the hands of staff members. you recognized some of the faces from the news or briefings. this was the real deal. and it was a little overwhelming.

you felt the weight of the backpack more acutely now, knowing you’d have to find jungwon or happy in this sea of highly skilled professionals. but you didn’t have time to hesitate.

you tried asking a few people where happy or jungwon were supposed to be, but no one seemed to know. or maybe they just didn’t have the time to help. every answer you got was a direction that led you to a dead end or deeper into a maze of hallways. at this point, you were starting to wonder if you’d accidentally wandered into one of stark's top-secret labs.

“this is so bad,” you clicked your tongue, finding yourself in front of a set of double doors. they were sleek and imposing, clearly leading to something important. you stared at them for a second, then reached out instinctively, pushing them open.

and that’s when you found yourself inside... mr. stark's office.

“no, no, no, this is really bad, they’re going to arrest me for trespassing…” your eyes widened, and your breath caught for a moment.

the room was vast and pristine-modern, almost intimidating. large windows stretched across one side of the room, offering an impressive view of the city skyline. stark’s desk was sleek, with various holographic displays of the iron suit flickering to life the moment you stepped inside. the room had a polished, almost futuristic vibe, a blend of luxury and technology. you could feel the weight of history in the room, like every inch of it screamed genius.

behind the desk, standing in front of a monitor, was a man, arms crossed, his usual guarded expression softening slightly when he saw you.

“please tell me you’re happy,” you breathed out, more nervous than ever.

“well, if it isn’t y/n,” he said, his voice gruff but familiar. “i am. aunt may told me you’d be dropping something off for jungwon.”

you blinked, surprised he recognized you so easily. "uh, yeah... i... kind of got lost, though."

“yeah, that’s easy to do in this place," happy said with a knowing grunt. “come on. let me take you to him.”

he led you down another corridor, moving quickly, but not rushing. after a few turns, he finally stopped in front of a large door, opening it to reveal a sleek conference room. it was clearly set up for serious business - glass tables, multiple monitors, and seating for a dozen or so people. you felt a bit out of place standing there, but happy just gave you a nod and gestured for you to enter.

“hang tight for a minute. i'll let jungwon know you’re here,” happy said, before slipping out of the room, leaving you alone.

you took a seat, glancing around. the conference room felt a little less intimidating than mr. stark’s office.

you barely had time to think when the door to the conference room suddenly slid open.

spider-man stepped in.

“woah- hey- hold on, y/n? w-what are you doing here?” jungwon spoke, trying to conceal his voice. he thought aunt may would be here to drop his computer off, that’s why he came in his suit, not bothering to change. but you were here.

“oh, hi,” you waved, hugging the backpack close to you.

“w-what, shouldn’t you be resting? uh, you know, with the prowler thing that happened?” he stuttered, and walked towards the other end of the room, trying not to be so near.

“no… i was dismissed from the hospital a while ago…” you said. “are you okay…?-“

he totally ignored your question, and spoke loudly. “you shouldn’t be here, what are you doing here?” he asked.

“excuse me?” you stood up, “what do you mean i shouldn’t be here? what i do is none of your business mr. spider-man, i’m not some kind of villain,” you told him.

spider-man looked away, forgetting he was in his suit and mask, and he wasn’t yang jungwon for you. all of this was making him tired from hiding.

he had just been tossed around and almost crushed by a gigantic lizard, and now he had to continue lying to people he didn’t want to lie to.

“i’m sorry, it’s not my place to question you. i suppose you’re here for that guy you’re with right? the one that was on your computer, the intern. i’ll let him know you’re here, i think i just passed by him in the hallway.” he spoke softly, calming down.

“thank you, spider-man,” you gave him a nod, and he turned to leave, not before you said something again “you were right.”

“what do you mean?” the masked hero turned around.

“captain america. he’s a cool guy,” you smiled, remembering the conversation.

“yeah, old man probably knows everyone and their grandparents by now.” spider-man chuckled, and then went to close the door of the conference room.

!

yang jungwon had never in his life changed clothes faster. he came out of the employee’s bathroom, jumping in one leg as he tied his shoelaces.

“shit, shit- ow!” he ran into a wall, and then opened the door of the room you were in, seeing you stood by the window panel.

“h-hey! y/n, they told me you came to drop something off“ he spoke, panting.

you turned to him, he looked absolutely messy. his labcoat’s neck was folded inwards, his shirt was crumbled and his hair pointing in every direction.

“what’s going on with you, jungwon?”

he knew this was bad. you two haven’t talked lately, since he has been busy trying to fight the prowler and norman osborn at the same time, and let’s not talk about his encounters with doctor octavia.

"i'm fine, w-what do you mean?" he laughed, running a hand through his messy hair, though his voice lacked its usual ease.

you stepped closer, instinctively reaching up to fix his hair for him. "jungwon, you're anything but fine. you look like you've been run over by a truck."

for a moment, his eyes flickered with surprise. how did you know about that?

he’d been fighting norman osborn in the streets just hours earlier, and after the battle, when the dust had settled, he barely managed to escape being flattened by a truck that barreled down the street as the lizard disappeared into the sewers.

he gave a half-hearted chuckle, trying to mask the exhaustion in his voice. "is that supposed to be an insult? because if i look this good after being hit by a truck, we should probably check on the truck instead."

he laughed, but the joke didn’t quite land. you didn’t find it funny, not when he looked so worn out, his eyes shadowed with something deeper. it worried you - more than you wanted to admit. it was like he was falling apart, right in front of you, and you weren’t sure how to stop it. graduation was only a few days away, and yet, it seemed like his whole world was unraveling.

jungwon let out a slow breath, his face softening as he dropped his head against your shoulder. "i’m sorry," he whispered, his voice strained. "can we talk? please?"

you wrapped your arm around him, holding him a little tighter. "we can do whatever you need, won," you said, your voice gentle but firm. "just talk to me."

jungwon took your hand, guiding you through the quiet halls of stark tower, moving with purpose but not rushing. the weight of the silence between you both felt heavy, but it wasn’t uncomfortable, just full of unspoken words. when you reached the elevator, he pressed the button for the rooftop, and the moment the doors closed, he sighed heavily, as if the burden of the day had caught up with him all at once.

when the doors finally opened, the fresh air hit you both like a wave, and you stepped out into the cool breeze. the city sprawled out beneath you in all its chaotic beauty, the hum of the streets below a distant, rhythmic buzz. the skyline stretched into the horizon. it was almost peaceful up here, far from the noise and pressure of the city.

you followed jungwon to the edge of the rooftop, leaning against the railing as you both took in the view. the moment felt intimate, like you were suspended between the sky and the earth, disconnected from everything but each other.

for a long moment, neither of you spoke. jungwon ran his fingers through his hair again, then rested his hands on the railing, his eyes fixed on the city below. he looked tired, drained.

finally, he spoke, his voice barely above a whisper. “i wanna tell you something, y/n.”

he turned to face you, and for the first time, you saw him fully. his face looked rough, bruised, with faint marks of scars near his temple, remnants of a battle you knew nothing about. the sight made your stomach twist, the heaviness in his eyes telling you that something was weighing on him.

"okay..." you nodded, turning to face him as well, your voice soft and steady.

he hesitated, his expression conflicted, like he wanted to say something but the words were stuck, caught in his throat. the tension in the air grew thick between you, your heart beating faster in anticipation.

"i... i've been bitten..." he began, his voice shaky, eyes searching yours.

in that moment, everything in you froze. this was it. this was what he'd been hiding from you. you felt a sharp pang in your chest. he was confessing to you.

the last thing you wanted was for him to pull back now that he was going to tell you that word. you could feel the weight of the moment, and the desire to protect what you both had.

“so have i…” you spoke, voice barely above a whisper.

“okay…” he whispered, a bit dizzy. he seemed to realize what you thought this was, and even if he wanted to confess his love for you now, he was meaning to confess something else. he just wanted to close the distance between the two of you in that moment, seeing you so near and vulnerable, but he had to get it out before doing that, your love was too much for him.

"okay, okay, okay, i gotta tell you this one thing," he gulped, shaking his head slightly as if trying to ground himself. his voice was unsteady, like the words were building inside him and needed to come out. "i gotta tell you this one thing, and it’s about spider-man and everything that’s been happening, the prowler, all of it. alright?" his hands waved in the air, as if trying to grasp at the right way to explain it.

you blinked, suddenly feeling your heart drop a little. it wasn’t what you thought.

“oh. okay,” you said, awkwardly stepping back, feeling your cheeks flush with embarrassment. you hadn’t meant to read into things like that, and now you felt exposed, vulnerable in a way you hadn’t expected.

jungwon’s face dropped, his eyes widening at your reaction. “what?” he breathed out, watching you step away, the confusion clearly written across his features. “wait, no, no, no- okay, forget that, i won’t talk about that.” he shook his head, clearly frustrated with himself.

“no, it’s okay,” you insisted, though the words felt hollow in your throat. you didn’t want him to notice how embarrassed you were.

"no, it's not," he said, his voice firmer now, the urgency in it returning. he took a step closer, his eyes locked on yours. "i'm gonna talk about me, okay?"

you blinked, swallowing hard. "what about you?" you asked, your voice quieter now, watching him carefully as he searched for the right words. the air between you both felt thick with tension.

“it’s impo- i wish i could just-“ he blinked, as he struggled. “i- i can’t. it’s hard to say.” he looked at you again.

you watched him carefully, feeling a mix of concern and worry. the longer he hesitated, the more it gnawed at you. "just say it," you encouraged.

"mmm, i don't know..." he muttered, frustration clouding his face. he rubbed the back of his neck as if trying to shake the words loose, but they stayed stuck.

"say it," you whispered again, your voice soft but full of faith. you wanted him to trust you, wanted him to know you were there, no matter how heavy or difficult the truth was.

he turned back toward the railing, his head hanging low in self-disappointment. the way his posture slumped made something inside you tighten with worry. what was so hard to say? maybe it was something even worse than you thought.

"what? jungwon?" you called, your hand moving to rest on his shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. "you can tell me."

he didn’t answer right away, but after a moment, he let out a long, quiet sigh. he seemed so small in that moment, so unlike the strong, confident person he usually was. you felt your heart tighten, the worry turning to a quiet desperation to help him.

“please,” you whispered, your hand still resting on his shoulder, waiting for him to look at you, hoping that whatever it was, it wouldn’t break you both.

he stood straight up, as if he was about to tell you, but his mouth betrayed him. his lips parted, but the words wouldn’t come. "i can’t..." he whispered, shaking his head, his eyes flickering with that same conflict, the one that seemed to push him down more than any fight ever could. he turned away from you, pulling away from your touch, like the very act of letting someone in was too much for him to bear. his back was tense, the way he faced the railing, staring out at the city, as if it held the answers he couldn’t bring himself to say.

you stood there, frozen for a moment, the heaviness of the silence swallowing everything around you. it was like you could feel the truth sitting between you, taunting both of you. you felt you were everything but someone he could trust.

"okay, then forget it," you said, your voice flat, emotionless, turning on your heel and beginning to walk away. there was a coldness in your tone, one you hadn’t intended but couldn't stop, it was your defense. "you have your computer now, i’m going home. call me whenever you can talk to me again."

with every step you took, you could feel his absence growing louder in the space between you, like a distant cry. but the hurt was there too, because in that moment, he wasn’t opening up to you, wasn’t trusting you even after you did. he was leaving you alone, just like how all the other people did whenever you got too close.

he now felt as if his whole world was crumbling apart, as if his mind was deteriorating. how could he be spider-man if he couldn’t trust the person he loves most. he wanted to, it was all he needed. you could comfort him in a way no one could, not aunt may, not his best friend, not stark. it was you.

in that moment, it was like the universe itself nudged him forward, pushing him toward you. he didn’t know how, but it was almost like you two were meant to be there for each other. a kind of destiny. it was the canon.

his instincts screamed at him to just trust, just do it. he could feel the weight of everything pressing on him, but this? this was the leap of faith he needed to take. it wasn’t just about being spider-man. it was about being with you. because you made him who he was.

if it weren’t for you, he wouldn’t be watching those cheer practices, admiring you from afar behind a school building, where a radioactive spider bit him.

without thinking, his hand shot out, his web-shooter firing the moment his fingers curled. the sticky webbing latched onto your wrist, and in a swift motion, he yanked you back toward him, pulling your body into his. your feet barely had time to react before he was standing there.

you gasped as you stumbled toward him, your eyes wide in surprise, but he held you firmly, his grip around your waist gentle but strong.

spider-man was standing right in front of you, and he was yang jungwon. the man who saved you countless of times was him. you swallowed, still trying to process everything, your heart pounding in your chest. he's been spider-man this whole time. it felt like the world was spinning a little. yet in this moment, standing so close to him, you could feel how real it all was. how much he trusted you now, how much he cared. and maybe that was enough to make everything else make sense.

“you…” the words came out of your mouth, still not being able to grasp what was happening.

“uh huh,” jungwon smiled, pulling you in. he closed the space between you, his lips finding yours in a kiss that was soft, but full of all the things he couldn't say out loud. you leaned into him, your hand resting against his chest, feeling the rapid beat of his heart beneath your fingertips.

his hand slid to the back of your neck, pulling you closer, and you let him, melting into the kiss as everything else was nonexistent. the only thing that mattered was him, and the moment, and how it felt like all the pieces had finally come together. the person you'd always known, the person who'd been protecting you, he was yours. and you were his.

when you both finally pulled back, breathless and looking at each other with that same wonder, you spoke, "you’re spider-man.”

jungwon had playful smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. "shut up," he laughed softly, clearly amused by your reaction. but there was something else in his eyes-something needy and endearing. before you could say anything more, he pulled you in for another kiss, this one more urgent, more intense. it was like he couldn't help himself, like all the unsaid things were pouring out in that moment, and you couldn't have stopped him even if you wanted to.

there was no more space between you, no more secrets. just him, and the undeniable truth of this.

after the kiss, you both pulled away, as the quiet of the city buzzed around you. for a moment, you just stood there, trying to steady your breathing, the world seeming to spin a little slower.

finally, you broke the silence, your voice playful but filled with wonder. "so... how does it feel to swing from building to building everyday, mr. spider?" you asked, your eyes sparkling with curiosity. "i mean, doing that all the time has to be pretty amazing, right?"

“mr. spider? seriously?” jungwon chuckled, his eyes twinkling with mischief as he met your gaze. "you wanna find out?" he asked, his voice low and teasing.

you raised an eyebrow, a mix of excitement and hesitation bubbling up in your chest. "wait, you’re serious?" you asked, half-laughing, half-nervous.

he nodded, a smile tugging at his lips. "yeah, why not? i mean, you already know what i am. i already saved you too, might as well show you the real thing."

you blinked, stunned by how casually he said it, but the thrill in his eyes made your pulse quicken. this is it. this is insane, and incredible.

“come on, we can even listen to some music while we swing, that one song you really like, the sunflower one, okay? it’ll be awesome,” jungwon grinned.

"okay," you said, laughing a little in disbelief. "let's do it."

before you could even process it fully, jungwon’s hand slipped into yours, and he pulled you toward the edge of the rooftop. you looked down, the city below you sprawling out, but all you could focus on was him.

"hold on tight, spider-woman," he said, a grin spreading across his face as you hugged his body. without another word, his web-shooter fired, a thread of webbing shooting out into the night. you felt the familiar tug of the swing as he leaped off the edge, pulling you both into the air. the wind rushed around you, your heart hammering as you swung from one building to the next.

you couldn’t help but laugh, the sound echoing in the open air as the city’s lights blurred around you. this is real. this was him. you were flying through the city, with the boy you knew better than anyone, but who you were just beginning to truly love.

!

meanwhile, deep beneath the city, in the winding corridors leading up from the subways and beneath the looming shadow of fisk tower, something sinister was taking shape.

"how long will it take?" a tall, burly man asked, his sharp eyes scanning the room as he observed the scientists working tirelessly. they were building something enormous, a machine unlike anything seen before, encased in a translucent crystal that shimmered ominously in the dim light.

the woman in charge, her glasses perched on the edge of her nose, adjusted them with a flick of her hand. "we don’t know exactly," she replied, her voice steady but laced with a sense of urgency. "it could take years, but once complete, the collider will work. it’ll bring your family back, i promise."

the man, known only as kingpin, didn’t respond immediately, his cold eyes narrowing as he took a step closer to the massive machine. "it better work, doctor octavia," he growled, his voice low and menacing. "or you know what will happen."

just as the threat hung in the air, a figure emerged from the shadows behind him. dressed in all black, the prowler’s presence was both intimidating and lethal. the tension in the room heightened as he unsheathed his claws, their sharp edges gleaming under the dim lights.

"y-yes, mr. kingpin," the scientist stammered, clearly rattled by the appearance of the prowler. "i’m positive it will work. we’re making progress. it’s just a matter of time."

kingpin’s gaze never wavered from the machine, his expression cold and unreadable, as the prowler's menacing figure loomed silently beside him.

TAGS: @jiiyen @yjwxfxr

NOTE: raise your hand if you want whatever this is to continue, please please pleaseeeee, i’m way too invested in this, i rlly wanna include spiderman atsv

EXTRA:

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[banamine-bananime]

ok embarrassing myself thoroughly admitting i just block out important questions about my favourite character while rotating her in my mind because thinking hard. but i think i need to finally come to a Decision of what tex knew before ct redpilled her (sec. Matrix not MRAs). what paralyzes me is the multiple angles that need to be considered

what makes sense given any narrative clues we've gotten? what makes sense given how she was created and what we know of other fragments? what makes sense for tex's character to think and act/react in the ways she did? what makes sense for the the director to have told her in explanation of whichever memories she does have/if she knew she was in a robotic body? what is most meaningful thematically with tex's arc? what makes the most interesting story, more broadly?

IT'S A LOT and i shortcircuit and instead say 'well it was definitely fucked-up. whatever it was. anyways now she's a cowbuoy messing around having adventures in space free of pfl yayyyyyy :))'

did she know she was an ai in a robotic body? whether that be thinking she was a typically-made smart ai or knowing she fragmented from alpha but not knowing about what happened to him afterwards. (i do not believe the later is possible but i could very much see her thinking she's a non-fragmental smart ai)

did she remember being allison/think of herself as allison before developing a separate identity when she lost faith in pfl? or did she have fragmented memories she filled in with a totally different life?

did she remember dying and know she was, in some way, brought back? whether she thinks that's as a smart ai, by some other wild mad science, or that she had instead been comatose

did she remember allison's relationship?

if so, did she know the director was that guy?

did she remember allison having a child?

if so, did she know carolina was that child? (for me this is the only other one i say a definitive 'no' to, but maybe some of you feel differently?)

i'm very interested how other people think about these. i have a couple i feel make the most sense but please please tell me your texas thoughts

[cabinofimagines]

Near Death Experience

I changed the text a bit from the request, but this is what worked for me! Pairing: Poly!Fierrochase x gn!reader, Alex Fierro x reader x Magnus Chase Request: Uh, hi. This is my first request so i don't know how to start, but can you make a poly!Fierrochase one? Maybe add a little bit of angst where the reader nearly dies in the mortal realm but suddenly Sam takes the reader to Valhalla (Sorry i suck at spelling cuz English id my second language) but Alex and Magnus doesn't know that and sobs themselves to sleep and becomes a lil' depressed until they see the reader at breakfast the next morning? If you can ily and thank you! If you can't it's fine and thank you and ily regardless :) Word count: 1.1k Warnings: mentions of death etc. -Asnyox

The day had started just fine, you were hanging with your lovers for most of it, going on a date. It wasn’t much of a date, as you three mostly decided to walk around Boston for the day. Away from Hotel Vahalla, away from other friends or duties at the Chase place. However neither of your lovers had expected to find you, passed out, after saying goodbye. 

Sam had been the way to inform them. Apparently you were caught off guard when you were making your way back to the Chase place, and you had been lucky enough to have stumbled upon Sam afterwards. Magnus couldn’t move fast enough to your location, and somehow he had felt like he had been too late, even if you were still alive, but unconscious. 

“Look, if I had been around-” Magnus started but Alex gripped his shoulder. 

“You weren’t,” Alex glared at Magnus, “You couldn’t have been! So don’t fucking blame yourself when you better worry about (Y/n).” Alex took a shuddering breath, “I will not grief- let you grief when they’re not yet dead.” She had been holding on, keeping up her appearance thus far, but it was crumbling. Alex sighed, holding back the tears she could feel behind her eyes, “Just focus on regaining energy, maybe they need more healing.” 

Magnus wasn’t a stranger to losing a loved one, but it had become rarer. He knew now that he could heal people, and that’s all you needed to get round, right? When he was around pain wouldn’t last long- yet somehow he hadn’t been enough to heal you. There weren’t any physical wounds, but why hadn’t you woken yet? Magnus wasn’t entirely stunned- he had noticed that when he tried to heal you, he hadn’t caught any glimpses of your memories and consciousness. Magnus normally didn’t have control over it happening, but when bringing one back from the brink of death if had always happened, and yet, with you, it hadn’t. Were you too far gone? Or did Magnus know you too well to need to catch your memories?

Alex didn’t want to face the reality- the fact that even in this world of gods, you might die. Alex had seen the impossible happen again and again, yet right now the possibility of losing you seemed so real. And she didn’t face any of this- not yet, not when you were still breathing. She wouldn’t mourn, cry, panic until you were truly six feet under. She had to be strong, she’s always had to be strong. 

It took you three days to wake up. Throughout these days you were never alone, Magnus and Alex took shifts, barely able to put up with the other while you were struggling. It wasn’t t that they blamed each other- it was their own inabilities to face their feelings and be vulnerable while you weren’t yet gone. You wouldn’t be gone is what they both wanted to believe, but crying over your unconscious form together was too close to admitting the dire situation. There was strength in denial. 

And then your eyes shifted, your mouth felt dry but your body didn’t hurt. You were uncomfortable- that was sure, but as you tried to move your arm to rub your eyes you were met with resistance. As you stretched your hand you notice another hand holding it tightly. Softly, you heard Magnus’s voice whisper your name, and you wanted to respond but it came out as a groan. The warmth- oh, the hand holding yours had been sweaty- left your hand, and you moved your fingers, bringing your arm to your face and finally rubbing your eyes, ridding it of some grub that had seemed to keep them closed. 

As you opened your eyes the room seemed too bright, and for a second you considered you had, somehow, arrived in Heaven. But, luckily, Magnus’s face disproved that theory. 

He helped you up, and at the same time Alex made his way into the room, carrying a tray. As his eyes looked at you, he moved quickly, putting down the tray next to your bed and helping Magnus to sit you up. 

As you drank your water, Alex realized he had been crying. He no longer needed to be strong, because you were back and breathing. There were still things to worry about but your imminent death had passed- and that allowed him the breather he needed to feel the emotions he had been denying himself for the past few days. 

Your glass was discarded- whether by your own hands or by Alex grabbing it as you finished neither of you know, but you are quickly engulfed in a hug. 

“Never do this again.” Alex demanded but you knew you couldn’t promise it, so you simply hummed in response. Magnus hesitantly joined the hug, not wanting to overwhelm you as you had just recovered, but he didn’t want to stay back either. After a moment you broke apart, although neither of your lovers let go of you entirely. Alex had unexpectedly kept his hand on yours, while Magnus had moved to sit next to you on the bed, entangling his arm with yours. 

“Sam said she didn’t know what got you,” Magnus said, staring at you unwaveringly, “but for some reason my healing didn’t work afterwards. Do you remember?” Your brain was still lacking any comprehensive thought, so you simply shook your head. You genuinely didn’t remember what happened, but it might come back to you. Magnus sighed, but did not press. He had hoped that maybe there was a reason, a simple ‘Oh this Norse creature cancels out healing magic’ but there wasn’t one. Yet, somehow he didn’t find himself caring too much, as he could feel your breath next to him.   It had been a bad time for your lovers, but they would get over it sooner rather than later. You hoped this would be the last time such a thing would happen, but you could never know, and in Valhalla your lovers were face to face with death every day, and eventually you would learn to just be grateful for the days that pass without injury. You only live once, after all. 

[aestheticitii]

Shout out to the Drayton/Kieran and Juliana/Kieran convos for affirming my thoughts on how Drayton would act around him post-ID.

(Spoilers under the cut)

I JUST KNEW THE MOMENT I SAW SOFT BOY KIERAN AGAIN THAT DRAYTON WOULD HARASS HIM INTO BEING LESS NERVOUS AND FIDGETY AROUND HIM!

Literally crying rn.

I used to think he was an only child, but this move screams "older brother who has trouble relating to his younger sibling in normal ways" so now I headcanon he has a younger sister and Lacey is the only child.

Only issue is that the Epilogue messes up with my timeline for my fic, but that's okay. It seems like he apologizes afterwards, but soft boy Kiki feels like he'd apologize twice (thrice, technically).

I headcanon he apologized to the club in general when he left the club (I'm pretty sure it's just the Kitakami Trio in ID). After he does a lil heart to heart with Drayton before he leaves, he kind of hints at an apology to his sister and Drayton, like "It must've been a hassle looking after me, so thanks."

(Carmine tries softening the blow, but Drayton goes for it, and then softens it by demanding Kiki's friendship.)

And when he comes back, he apologizes to everyone again (which is the apology he talks about), but Drayton is like, "lol nope, we are not doing this again! You will be comfortable around me and you will like it, my future bro-in-law."

[someone-called-efg]

everything i know so far regarding religion and my experiences (big post with a lot of words and some pictures too. i tried doing the image id thing so hopefully i explained it all alright) skip at your own discretion

so, for everything ive made either a comic or drawing, then i'll explain what happened a little more underneath.

~~~

first and foremost before i start, so were on the same page, visits to heaven can occur during the time someone is asleep. this could even happen to you if you see in your dream a recently passed relative (or any passed away relative in general but for the most part it happens when the passing is recent and goodbyes didnt happen for one reason or another) and if it hasnt happened to you personally yet, you probably know someone who's experienced a visit.

with that out of the way, lets get started

---

{ image id: an 8 panel comic. 1st panel shows myself with two others sat around a table, as i joke "God, if this is a sin, strike me down". 2nd panel simply says * later that night * . 3rd panel is in 1st person perspective of me in my dream, opening a door. 4th panel shows that behind the door from panel 3 that God is there floating, his hair/beard flowing into the cloud his head is casually floating on in the middle of the room. 5th panel simply shows a lighting bolt. 6th panel shows me falling through the floor. 7th panel shows me waking up in a state of panic. 8th panel simply says: TLDR: If you call upon him, he'll answer. end id }

this is a comic regarding my first visit. at the time irl i was considering becoming an atheist, so this put a solid halt in that. the reason both people with my in the 1st panel dont really have any defining features is because i was at a psych ward at the time for wanting to unalive, and they make you sign nda's there soo, thats the best i got. in the dream/visit itself i was at home, opening the door from the living room to the porch. and God wasnt just there waiting, they kinda came through the ceiling without breaking it. dont ask me how cuz even i dont know.

---

{ image id: another 8 panel comic so here goes more typing yippee! 1st panel shows God from the side, simply saying "So". 2nd comic shows God turning forward, asking "Are you alright?", as though finishing what they were saying in the 1st panel. 3rd panel shows God an i sat on a couch, and while God looks normal sized, i look tiny by comparison, showing basically the setting. 4th panel is a zoom in on me as i rub the back of my neck, saying "i mean ...". 5th panel simply tldr's what happens as i * proceeds to vent ... a lot * . 6th panel shows God saying nothing, but, they * listens to every word * . 7th panel shows me, clearly upset from venting so much, but also now parched, as i tell God "I'm sorry, I've been talking so much, my throat got dry. Do you have anything I could drink?". 8th panel shows God from the side, for the first time smiling as they say "Of course" and a fridge magically appears at opposite from where i am in comparison to them. end id }

so, not even i really knew what all happened until years lated when i asked God if that visit was a therapy session because all i remembered upon waking up after is the last two panels and afterwards, when my mom and step dad came and told me that the year for earth was 2077 and that the north pole was a desert, then we went and had a mini feast with relatives (and maybe ancestors? idk, there was a fair lot of people and i didnt recognize a lot of them so maybe?) , then i woke up. and if youre going to ask why gods eyes arent visible in this comic when they were visible in that last one, at the time of drawing this comic in particular i didnt feel deserving of him looking at me and smiling, cuz lets face it, were all a bunch of sinners here all trying to do good at least. but at the time if i remember right i had a caffeine addiction to the point i needed 8 coffee/monster energy to get me through the day (4 in the morning + 4 in the afternoon), i since went cold turkey against both.

---

{image id : a 4 panel comic because i finally learned my lesson so i dont have to type as much pog! 1st pannel shows myself and my brother (ftm) stood in Gods temple, and i casually ask "Hey, so, can I reincarnate?". 2nd panel shows god towering over both of us easily, their response is a smile with a "Yeah, sure" as they hold something glowing in their hand that i look into. 3rd panel is glitchy, as it shows a child 1st person perspective, the child is looking down, admittedly a bit overwhelmed while saying "mom, i memember my last life". 4th panel is glitchy as well, this time showing the vague image of a woman reaching out her hand presumably to the child, asking "what do you remember?". end id }

so, for a bit of context, the dream/visit didnt start out like that. it actually started at my great aunts house (who at the time was still alive but died very soon after) it wasnt her house when she was alive, but rather, her house in heaven. my godmother was also there, and i was helping her to remember how to fly because she had forgotten the lesson. so, in total there were 4 people there (my great aunt, my godmother, my brother, and myself) and mid way through me teaching how to fly, another of my brothers teleported into the room and just casually took a seat. after the lesson we went outside and walked around my great aunts heaven house, and when we walked a little ways away there was some kinda conflict, and i simply prayed and the conflict was over within under 10 secs. then as the group of my relatives and i went walking back to my great aunts house, i mentioned to my brother my thoughts of asking to reincarnate soon, and he says to me "why not go right now" and i agree, so we teleported to Gods temple and thats where the comic picks up at. what this told me is that being lgbtqia+ isnt a deadly sin, so any member of the rainbow community isnt going to hell for simply being lgbtqia+, which i see as an absolute win.

~~~

thats the most i got for when it comes to visits, which occur when someone's asleep. but, now, its time to go over a couple visions ive had (and no im not gonna talk about when i died cuz that would be 3 posts in a row, so if you wanna see any of that just check it in your own time) because its just visions, i didnt make comics, but just drawings, which, comics are drawings sure, but not all drawings are comics. and, so i stop rambling, lets get started.

---

{ image id : the great flood. as a man drowns under the fermanent from the quickly rising water level, his soul is outside the fermanent, walking up alongside his dying body, unable to help and can only comfort his souless body by watching it slowly unalive. end id }

when i saw this, i honestly saw at least a dozen others doing this too, i also watched who i could only assume was some past incarnation of myself succumb to the same fate. and for those wondering how a soul can be out when the body is clearly still alive, well, 24 hours before someone dies, their soul's already passed on to the afterlife. where the saying 'dead man walking' comes from, because for those 24 hours, the person's already dead, the rest of the world just doesn't know yet.

---

{ image id : the battle at the end of the world. vegetation is barren from the hills as a giant serpent with black scales and glowing yellow eyes makes its way through the landscape. two angels stand in the foreground, aiming their swords to the heavens, causing a pillar of light thats base covers the two. in the distance, the sky is crimson and the clouds are dark grey almost black. end id }

so. also worth mentioning that when i looked to either side of me, there were armies of God all ready for the greatest battle and ready to take part. needless to say it was overwhelming for a lot of reasons.

~~~

so, thats all really. i could get into the couple times i saw the son of God in visits, but the first time was me in a back room with boxes and he was running by and seemed to be busy and i didnt wanna bother him because of that so i didnt say anything, and the second time we were at this park near my childhood home and i asked him if him and adam are technically in a way brothers and we both ended up laughing causing me to wake up.

~~~

from all this i understand that theres stuff im not allowed to know of my visits for one reason or another, and i kinda figure its so i dont cheat at life. because if i had all the answers, than how else is life supposed to test me.

earth is a school after all, and i at least want my place earned on Gods fridge with a magnet hopefully 🤞

[belanova]

Ok finally going to liveblog Steel ball run block #Fpop reads jojo

Below is thoughts on the 1st chapter

So i have been slightly spoiled about what this Part is a bit like, not too much! The much i know is that It is not related to Part 6 ending and is instead a complete reset of the entire universe with new characters and such there is NO callbacks to the previous parts, another thing is USAMERICA PRESIDENT IS AN IMPORTANT THING HERE. Also Jesus Christ is relevant but I don't know how and the new jojo is disabled and the most dickish of them all!

i'm so excited cause now i finally have the free time to read it ^3^

Immediately tho first panels is a Native American called Sandman runs from his tribe for reading books. What the fuck is indian running style, the only way i get is that theyre referring to "Normal" but normal is being swapped for indian in this case cause thats their normal to differentiate to the type of running hes doing. BUT ALSO WHAT LOL

I also hope this guy wins, most likely the jojo will win but i already prefer this guy does

if lynyrd skynyrd or california girls is not the ending song for the anime then whats the the point

also this panel afterwards say about "participant musts be 16 or older, anything else does not matter" So can't way to see several horses with stands and children with fake ids in this race.

CUZ' THIS IS AMERICA WE RATHER LOSE OUR LIVES BEFORE OUR GUNS YEEHAW🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🦅🦅🦅

omg hi evil bitch <;3

also going to assume this guy whose entire outfit is balls is the white man training in the mountains i mean HE LIKES BALLS!

I forgot about him but hes another character who i already knew cause in cons for when jojo characters would join there was a girl cosplayed as him! so I thought he would be a woman but also not surprised pffft, i wish i took a photo with her it was so fucking cool

messed up they touched his balls GURL I JUST NOTICED IN HIS BELT THERE IS TWO HANDS SIGN POINTING TO HIS CROTCH I AM ONLY NOTICING AS WRITING THIS LMFAOOOO

Theres more panels im going to be posting in seperate posts but i included all of these in one go so the rest i will go on about liveblogging

thoughts on 1st: It looks promising already, i also like horses a lot so im happy that it focuses on horse riding :3 the first thing that catches my eye the most is Sandman since thats the most i have info on rn and his motives interest me, but also this guy ^ since hes literally the one in the cover and the one i see the most around this part, i will comment the artstyle feels like a complete shock to the much softer and rounder style of part 6

i like it it makes me feel excited! a complete reset of the series but still familiar to old stuff :D

[systemadministratorclu]

Sonic you're the hedgehog of disaster. You bring nothing but danger and death.

You got your owl 🦉 mum killed because you couldn't follow a simple instruction of hiding your speed. When you fled to earth you caused a blackout by using your power irresponsibly which alerted the government to your presence. While fleeing you hid in Tom's shed, forcing him to hide you from a government agent.

You also guilt tripped him into driving your fugitive ass to San Francisco , causing him to be labelled as a fugitive by the government , over something that was your own fault. This put him in danger of facing serious jail time or worse. You also almost got him killed in a bar brawl you started after you refused to stay in the car like he asked. Your actions put not only Tom in danger, but his family as well. Tom and Maddie almost died in the battle with Jimbotnik all because of you. You're a danger to everyone around you.

Sonic's ears, then his head, then the rest of him seemed to sag with every word the stranger spoke, and he looked to be on the verge of tears. Had he been alone, he probably would've let them fall sooner and sat there hugging his knees.

But he wasn't alone.

Tom Wachowski hated seeing his kid like this, and having heard the harsh words (which upset him, too) decided to take over. He came right over, sat down and put a protective arm around Sonic, pulling the hedgehog close to his side.

"I got this one." the man said. He was met only with a nod and Sonic's face pressing against him. Tom gave him a shoulder squeeze and turned back to the stranger.

"Okay, pal, lot to unpack here. First up, her name was Longclaw, and you seem to forget, Sonic was only 3 or 4, if that, when that happened. You show me a three or four-year-old that perfectly follows every instruction they get 24/7/365. Doesn't exist for normal kids. Now add in the speed. Running. Let me tell you, there's not a kid in the world that could resist running if they had that kind of speed. I know I wouldn't have. I would've done the same thing Sonic did. It's what kids that age do. They run. They run and play and make adults wish we had that kind of energy."

"As for the blackout, it was an accident, because Sonic didn't fully understand his powers. He didn't know what all he was capable of, and he didn't really understand how his emotions affected his abilities. My niece has made us watch Frozen enough times to hammer into my head that someone with powers needs to be taught to control and understand them, not to hide them. Hiding them usually results in something bad, especially when their feelings are involved. That's what happened when Elsa got upset at her sister, and that's what happened when Sonic got upset that he was basically robbed of his childhood. Not saying Longclaw did it on purpose, because I don't think she did. She was half right, that people did want Sonic's power. But she was wrong in thinking that's ALL anyone would want. She was wrong to think someone wouldn't want Sonic himself, to love him for who he is and teach him not to be afraid of himself or his abilities. His gifts."

"As for my shed, that wasn't Sonic's fault at all. That was mine. Maddie told me not to use her tranq gun for anything, but I did. And I pulled the trigger, not Sonic. And you seem to forget, Robotnik was SHOOTING MY HOUSE FULL OF BULLETS. I knew the guy was bad news when he tried to give me that electric company bullcrap. Even more so when he forced his way into my house without proof of ID or a warrant. And as Sonic told me afterward, he sent drones into my house while I was talking with him. I wasn't giving the guy anything. Especially not a living being. I was labeled a fugitive because I did what anybody would when a crazy guy breaks into your house and shoots at you with some kind of high tech probably military drones with intent to kill. It was on that trip I figured out Sonic was just a scared, lonely kid. No way in hell was I gonna let the feds murder a kid. I took him because it felt like it was the right thing to do. And you know what? It was one of the best things I ever did. Bar fight? My fault. I left the doors unlocked with the windows down and I knocked into the person who started the fight. Sonic actually saved me there. And Maddie chose to come with us to get the rings. It was Sonic who made me see that I didn't need to go be a big city cop to make a difference, to be the 'hero cop' or whatever. I was already doing that, I just didn't see it. So, stranger, you might think he's a danger to everyone. But to me? Aside from my wife-" Tom pulled Sonic into his lap and hugged the alien close, Sonic returning the embrace, "-this little hedgehog is the best thing that ever happened to me. And I love him. So if you have a problem with that, too bad and get out of my house. And don't ever talk to my son like that again. And don't try talking to any of my other kids that way either." A little sniffle was heard from Tom's chest.

"I love you, too, Dad." Sonic croaked out, his voice breaking. He then hid his face in his father's chest again. The harsh words couldn't reach him here. He was safe. His dad's love and strong, warm arms made it so.

[voidselfshipp]

self insert asks: 1,2,5 and 7 for your valorant self insert? :3

Hi shallow!!! Thank you so much for the ask!!!! Ill answer n2 after the cut since ive written it out in fic form.

>only mutuals allowed to reblog.

1. what are the basics of your self insert? name, date of birth, height, etc.?

Name: Jerico Lazaro Castro.

Age: 20

Codename: Ranger.

Clasification: Radiant.

Date of birth:14/9/ 2022 (Valorant takes place in the near future so...)

Height: 5'6.

Place of birth: Buenos Aires,Argentina.

Gender: Genderfluid (he/they/she/xe)

Orientation: Bisexual.

Family: Wei Ling Yi (Sage,adoptive mother). Biological siblings from biological family. Agent Clove (adopted younger sibling)

->They'd be added after the release of KAY/O and before the release of Chamber.

5. does your self insert have any special powers or abilities?

They are a geomancer,they can speak with animals and grow plants! They can partially shape shift by taking on attributes of other animals. They also have a few wild/exotic pets they use un cannon,which have become "Radianized" by being exposed to their powers so much.

7. would any other characters (besides your f/o) have a crush on your self insert?

Its a bit of a tricky question because I selfshipp with half the ensamble of Valorant. But id say that Viper would have a romantic crush on my s/I,and Jett would have a platonic crush.

2. when in canon does your self insert come in? do you have a scene in mind for your entrance?

Ive written out the scene as a fic!!. Just a quick few things. Cw: mentions of abusive household,implided romance with Cypher and Brim who are way older than me/my s/I.

Also! Vieja can be a term of endearment for Argentine moms. Heres the fic:

Spring had settled on the streets of Buenos Aires. Jacarandas and Ceibo trees in full Bloom as the heavy trunks of the silk floss tree doubled over a little and just about to burst with the silken seeds that usually grow within it.

Sage,Brimstone and Cypher where here to pick up a possible New agent for the protocol. One their healer knew quite well,actually.

Wei Ling still remembered what she had said to her good friend and leader of the protocol,Liam, about this agent.

She had entered his Office with this desicive glint in her eyes and firmly said "Brimstone,I Thought about this possible New threat after Kay/o's arrival. And I think we're going to need a few more Agents if this Omega Earth theory is right ...I happen to have a candidate if youre so inclined"

Liam had the vague inkling where this was going"Who are you proposing..?"

"My child"

--I Feel bad for picking them up today...--Sage sighed,scratching the back of her neck as she walks with her companions down the path of the Bosques of Palermo, a Giant green space In the middle of the capital of the buenos aire's province.

--Well,you are going to offer them this spot on the day of their birthday...--Liam added,patting his friend's back with understanding-- there really was no other time?

"No" thought cypher whom had already gathered all the information there was to know about Sage's kid. Hes had it ever since he joined the protocol "theyre Busy with university afterwards"

--Sadly,No.--Wei Ling shook her head as she spoke-- Maybe I shouldntve said anything,Will the protocol allow them to continue their carreer?

--Online classes should suffice--Cypher perked up-- We shouldnt take away vestiges of their normal life,it would make a mess of their head,specially Someone so young. How old are they turning?

--Twenty -- she answered

--Christ --Breathed out Brimstone as he looked at the ground.--i already have enough with Phoenix,Yoru and Jett.

--I promise you,Jerico is a very well behaved person. --The healer said,putting her hands on the pockets of her sage green sweater-- if anything they'll be a calming force for the other agents.

--Ill take your word on it.

--You can trust me,Ive known them for a while now.

Liam looked at the lushness around him. He wondered if this early setting in of spring had anything to do with Jerico. He knew they were a radiant,but he didnt know much else. He mightve seen a picture once or twice but thats about It.

--I guess I should know this if we're going through with the recruitment--Liam began--Cypher must already know that,being how he is. But how did you end up with a kid?

Sage sighed loudly, the circumstances that brought her wonderful kid to her were an unpleseant memory-- Back before the protocol,the monastery had planned a peregrination here to Argentina. An odd place, at least when I heard about it.

A gentle wind passed through them,the air cold and bringing the faintest scent of sunflowers.

--When we got here I was told we were going to help with the less fortunate here. That my powers would help...-- She continued, noticing the scent and smiling all relaxed. Clearly it brought her comfort for a personal reason-- I noticed this young girl,couldnt be more than fifteen. She was caked in dirt and Grime,and she was starving and hurt on her knee.

--That was Jerico? --Brimstone asked,surprised-- you make it sound like she ran away..

--She did--Sage confirmed-- She...had a really bad family-- the rage on her tone made it sound like "really bad" didnt even begin to cover it-- When I healed her,she said "youre like me", and told me she was a radiant too. I honestly dont remember what came over me but I took her In. Then..stuff happened with the monastery and the protocol found me. Ive been giving some of my money to them to Keep living here,I didnt want them to lose their original culture.

Liam wasnt sure how to react,other than-- You sound very happy to have them. Im..im sure its just the same on their side.

Wei Ling grinned-- yeah,within the first year of me adopting them,they called me mom. I remember I couldve cried that day...I actually think I did.

Brimstone chuckled-- You two are adorable.

Cypher had kept quiet,knowing well the struggles of parenthood. They round a corner as they walk and see a Giant pond before them and on the edge of it, few meters away, were a Group of youngsters enjoying warm drinks and snacks and laughing.

--thats them,im guessing-- The moroccan Man said,pointing at the Group discreetly.

--Yeah,thats them. -- she agreed,watching how all around the Group a few sunflowers grew alongside lillies of the Valley,forget-me-nots and even a few lotusi near the water.

All the while,the Group of youngesters were blissfully unaware of their onlookers. Jerico was enjoying brewing some mate as one of their buddies recalls a story of their childhood.

They hand over the mate and one of their other pals say-- hey,isnt that your mom?--He pointed at the three people to their left.

--Yeah,Guess she came to say hi-- They answered,leaning Back to get a better look since the rest of their Friends were kind of blocking their field of view.

--Seem's we've been spotted--Said cypher with a smile in his voice-- All yours,Mamma Bear.

Sage snorted and shook her head a little before waving.

--¡Vieja!--Jerico called out with a grin,waving at her too and taking her in and her companions.

Their mother wore a cream,fuzzy and oversized turtleneck underneath a pretty sage green sweater with black jeans and comfy shoes. She hears her hair up with a sun hair clip and a few chains around her neck and sun pendant.

--Little dragon!--she answered,seeing her kid excuse themself and her heart warms up her kids Friends smile all happy for Jer.

She meets them half way and brings them in for a tight hug. She smells the scent of sunflowers and green Apple and nuzzles closer. She hasnt seen them for months now.

--What a wonderful surprise!!!--Jer said,gently pulling away a little.

--Couldnt miss my little one's twentieth birthday-- She answered,patting their waist.

--Thank you for coming--They smile-- Do you want some mate? Snacks? -- they look behind her and see two men.

A tall,buff Man with american face features. He wears a red flannel and black jeans with dress shoes and a watch on his left arm. He has a thick bear and a crew cut with white hairs on the sides. In their eyes,hes quite handsome.

Then, Next to him is a thinner Man,face hidden by the heavy hood of his white jacket. Black jeans too and comfortable though stylish shoes. One hand is in his pockets as the other twirls a blue circlet of some kind,they can see the faint shine of blue within the hood like theres just two,weak beacons in there. His air of mystery already feels so alluring.

--Whoooose the company?--They followed up,which made their mom look down at the ground.

--friends from work-- She answered-- I came here to say hi,yes but I also need to tell you something. Walk with me?

Jerico could see the seriousness in her eyes. They knew their mother wouldnt involve her work if it wasnt important,seeing as she wouldnt even tell them much of what she did.

--Yeah,yeah of course ma. Let me tell my Friends

--I need to do the same,go ahead.

After quickly informing their companions of their scapade, mother and child walk down the red tiled path. Sage explains with stuttering words and a heavy feeling of guilt about the insanity going on in her job.

Jerico has to take a moment to process things, but they know their mom wouldnt lie about stuff this big.

Spotted light spills past lush treetops And the wind pushes by frivolously. Theres a brief silence filled with the chatter and life around them.

--I wouldntve asked if it wasnt important. Im sorry to do it today of all days but-

--Vieja,its fine-- they promised,taking her hand-- alr-....Alright. ill help you,of course I will. But what about my classes? My Friends?

--You can continue them online. Ill make sure of that-- she promised-- And you can come visit on breaks just like I do.

--Alright then,Im in.

--Thank you,Thank you so much.

--Anything for you,mom. And...for the world,it seems.

Sage smiled and pressed a kiss to the side of her kids head-- the world,and me, are so lucky to have you.-- she gets a shy giggle in return and dismissive hand gesture. But they know she means it.

Eventually they loop back to the other two valorant agents and Wei Ling introduces her kid to her co-workers.

Both men stare at a young person,female features,Brown and gold hair tied up in a bun with a shaven Back of the neck. Tall,Slender, greyish green eyes and decked out in a punk attire with fishnets, maximalist battle vest,a striped yellow and black skirt with a ripped up croptop and covered in necklaces. One of them is a matching sun pendant, and a well detailed dragonfly

--This is Liam,Our leader. His Codename's Brimstone-- she pointed to the flannel wearing man-- Brim,This is Jerico, my kid.

--Your mom only sings praises about you--He answered,trying to be polite and not stare into their pretty green eyes so much. He shakes their hand.

--Of course she does

--Well,i havent spoken much about you..--Sage admitted,sheepishly-- not out of shame,just for your safety.-- her kid shrugged and she relaxed-- And this...is Cypher.

--Just Cypher? No human name?-- they couldnt help the slight sass and the quirk of their brow.

--I do have one-- says the moroccan Man, is that smirk in his voice?--But thats classified. -- he offered his hand and they took It, a gentle and firm shake.

--I must warn you,Cypher Is an information broker.-- Sage said with dismay

Jerico seems to understand almost instantly--Oh!..oh --they groaned,rubbing their eyes-- Really? The people you work with,Mom.

--Im sorry...

--I promise I keep the information to myself--He sounded apologetic, knowing well that the person infront of them was just a normal youngster. He knows how kind of disturbing and worrying it can be..

--Sure -- they answered with a slight but totally comprehensible suspicion--Well I aint got nothing to hide so.. Just really,Keep it to yourself.

--He does-- promised Sage.

--Im quite a fan of your art,By the way--Cypher offered as an olive branch. He likes their spunk and sass. He cant help but smile as his chest warms up-- Specially your compositions and colors

The mysterious and hot sounding Man likes their art? Damn...what a birthday gift.

--Thanks...--They say with a slight blush-- I uh put a lot of effort in it.

--I can tell, youre quite talented.

What a beautiful smile they have. It could outshine the sun-- thanks!

--Well,I believe we'll let you continue on your birthday-- Sage added-- Is it okay to wait in your appartment?

Jerico nodded--Sure,Just...yknow privacy?

--Of course. Ill make sure your room is out of limits-- their mom answered.

--Alright! Cool. -- they smile and press their cheek against their moms and makes a kissing sound,--See ya then.

They do they same with the two men,having to stand on the tip of their toes for it and off they return to their Friends. Liam feels his face burn a little and even Cypher seems just a little bashful.

--A greeting I suppose?--Asked the information broker.

--Yeah...--Snickered the healer-- You get used to it,I promise. Cmon now..--Though her gaze lingers on the sight of her kid all smiles and laughs.

She hated to drop this on their birthday but it seemed to have little Effect. Thats good.

A few hours later they enter Jerico's appartment, quite normal with white walls and a nice flooring. Though its more of a maximalist's and nerd's dream house. Cypher is unbothered by it as he already knew his co-worker's kid had a love for well.. everything.

Brimstone does look surprised and inspects the kitchen/livingroom area but daring not to tread any further. Sage ends up talking a bit more about her child, and after a quick text asking for permission and gaining the okay she makes some snacks and drinks.

Eventually Jerico returns,late at night mind you but they return. They get fully caught up with the protocol.

And in just a few weeks they find themselves upon the Valorant Protocol's base with a New life and a New purpose to follow.

[forestryfae]

holy fucking shit is it possible to get more self centered. holy shit.

stepmom called at like 22:30 the first time. didnt answer. clear sign to not fucking call again id say given most normal people are asleep by now. called again like ten minutes later and i thought well maybe its an emergency. surely shes not stupid enough to call twice in the evening around most peoples bedtime. <--- said by someone who was once called by her 7 times in half an hour and all they wanted was either a chat or they bought me a lamp at ikea idfr

nope. shes chatting away and shit asking where i am, whether i want to celebrate christmas with them, fully expecting me to let them help me when i move into an apartment.

first of all lmao wtf. im not asking them for fucking help moving my shit, if i did theyd go to sweden that exact day and be like "oh were in sweden right now but we can come by later :)" like they did when we asked them to maybe come help w the house. dad was tasked with contacting a lawyer for me once too, he promised hed do it he knew how horrible i had it and when we got to the meeting w my support team he told me he hadnt done it. 2 months i waited and he just hadnt bothered. btw i got really sick a few days later. fever, exhaustion, the whole thing.

and then shes like "it must be so nice to have your legal guardian and finally have someone who gets stuff done" yeah well dad was useless and mom was actively hindering me from talking to a lawyer and you and dad knew how bad it was but you didnt do shit to help so. thanks for that ig.

btw letting me stay for a week during christmas does not count. i really want to say im grateful but rn i dont feel grateful. im pissed. they knew how bad it was and did fucking nothing. i talked about how bad it was and they did nothing but try to talk down how bad it was, atleast dad. sure, stepmom defended me sometimes but having my dad say the shit he did and acting like it was no big deal living alone in a rotten cold house w two cats while i was severely depressed and utterly isolated and only helping if he felt like it. holy fucking shit. yeah dude atleast its getting taken care of i fuvking guess. being a parent doesnt stop when your kid turns 18 and if you marry a dude w kids you cant just. not talk to the kids if it doesnt suit you

and shes asking for all this info about where i am and so on and i just gotta lie. i dont wanna have to argue with a grown ass woman at nearly 11 pm and tell her i straight up dont want them to know cus theyve been utterly useless at all times except like. two times. dad fixed some electrics and i got to stay for christmas and thats it. ive been driven home after shopping sure but whose fucking fault is it i dont have a license? could unsupportive parents who offer to help but dont ever let me drive be part of the problem? could the lack of legal help and effort be a part of the problem?

and obvs im answering in single words and the occasional sentences cus im fucking annoyed and trying not to be rude but shes chatting away about shit she has no business knowing or getting involved in at almost 11 pm. so the call ends w her asking if im sad cus i "sound so sad" like no im not sad. tell her im not sad. she said something afterwards i dont remember but i did wind up saying that "well its kind of really late to call someone at 10:30 in the evening" and she starts. going on about how she just really missed me and missed talking to me and at this point internally im just fuming. she called that late at night just to chat? is she fucking stupid?

like its not bad enough the only times i ever get called is when theyre bored in the car and need entertainment so i have to sit there listening to my own voice echo out of their handsfree while the mic is garbling their voices so bad i can barely tell wtf theyre saying over the sound of traffic. and now shes calling in the middle of the night tol cus her emotional need is too important to let people sleep

[sappygentlemen]

HEY GUYS. IM BACK. WITH THE ACTUAL FINALE TO THE BELOVED BASEMENT DWELLER ‼️🤓

A breath of fresh air

Hours later ☝️🤓‼️

It has been weeks since the death of Declan Malouff.

Though he was improving,Quincy was in shambles. he was trying to stay strong for me, I could tell. Nate had been working nonstop as usual, and well, I was. Useless. I hadn't been to work since Declans death, I sat at home, practically on auto pilot. It was like I didn't know what freedom felt like anymore; before Declan had died, I lived in half peace. I felt freedom, the same way a kid feels free when they run down the road, despite being under careful watch of their parents. I felt like I was still tied to him, and that somehow made freedom sweeter, the taste of rebellion was like fruit on my tounge. Now that Declan was dead, I was beside myself. I continued life as normal, but I barely smiled anymore, I didn't laugh or talk non-stop anymore, I was stuck in the shock. Nate had offered to take me outside several times, but I always refused and stayed home. I refused to leave my little hermit shell, well, until today. I promised Nate I would at least TRY to go on a walk with him today.

Nate has been holding my hand this entire time. We're Currently walking through the park, the one with the botanical garden that I loved so much. Nate knew all my favorite places, which was one of the things I loved so much about him. He was always so caring towards me, but despite that, I couldn't seem to stop second guessing myself all day. As if I was walking on a tight rope, trying to balance and walk around the elephant between us. The death of Declan. My past. Who I was when I was with Declan. Everything. I knew that what I did during that time, was influenced heavily by Declan, who repeatedly told me that's what real lovers do for each other, but deep down, I knew murder was wrong, no matter what. I was lost in thought as we walked through the garden, before Nate grabbed my shoulder gently. I Flinched at his touch, but he didn't seem to mind.

"Sam.. I hope you know I'm here for you. No matter what happened back then, I'm here with you."

I took a sharp breath. Afterwards, For once, I exhaled, holding back a sob of relief. It might not seem like much, but his words, and the endearing look in his eyes, meant everything to me. It was like taking a million bricks off my chest.

"...I know.. I'm just.. a little shook up still."

"Sam... It's okay. I just need you to know that... Um.. well . I love you Sam. And I know you're still healing so, don't feel pressured to say it back, but I just thought you should know I'm always here for yo-"

I choked back a sob, catching Nate off guard as I grabbed him and held him close. As if he would run away if my grip slipped. Id never been loved before, and this was scary, but if it was Nate, I was happy to try. I buried my face in the crook of his neck, leaning down to hold him as he patted my back slowly, as my tears soaked his shoulder

"I love you too.. I think? Sorry.. I'm still figuring the whole love thing out with the therapist. But. I think I love you"

"and that's enough for me. Just focus on healing for now, we've got our whole lives ahead of us Sam"

As those words left his mouth, I finally let go of all the tension in my body, relaxing for the first time in years. Taking in a breath of fresh air.

:) THE END

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

TW for self sabotage, self harm, specifics about body memories,

Looking for: advice

I self sabotaged as young as 5 years old, is this possible or normal? I feel like such a freak but remembering back to my motives and everything I know I was trying to sabotage my own survival. Id see one of the kids I knew from school do shit like destroy school property then I’d walk into the area when he leave and I’d sit there and acted like I did it and get in trouble and most of the time these bullies would blame the nearest kid anyway and for some reason I liked being a a convenient victim. I didn’t do this my whole childhood though I know I definitely stopped at some point. I weirdly contradict myself in my behaviors and feelings and symptoms. Like I masturbated during a somatic flashback which might’ve made it worse but I was like hypersexual and so freaking confused. I cried afterwards, then why’d I do it yk? And i remember being both afraid at times of my abusers, high anxiety and adrenaline, sometimes I fawned during that or froze in fear other times I got I think angry and would start hitting or doing shit back to them to fight them. Sometimes I was in a genuine rage when they’d try to get a rise out of me to laugh at me then accuse me of being abusive or a bad kid. Ever since I was maybe 11 years old I had this internal issue with being evil versus good. Id go to school and be “bad [my name]” versus other days I’d wear bright colors and be “good [my name]”

Hi anon,

I'm so sorry about what you've been through. Please know you're not alone and you're valid.

I'm not sure if this is necessarily self sabotage. I don't know if there's a name for it but I also remember intentionally putting myself in harms way as a child, maybe it's a kind of self harm?

Wrapped up in this I also hear reactive abuse. According to Break the Cycle, it's when "the victim reacts to the abuse they are experiencing. The victim may scream, toss out insults, or even lash out physically at the abuser. The abuser then retaliates by telling the victim that they are, in fact, the abuser."

Ultimately these could be things to bring up to a therapist if you don't already have one and if it's possible for you to reach out to one. A professional could help you make sense of these experiences and learn helpful coping mechanisms for any trauma responses you may be experiencing as a result.

If anyone has any other comments or suggestions, please feel free to add on.

I hope I could help. Please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[icanonlybe-human]

Kay wait, one more random thought. I was drinking tonight and like every other time I’ve had something to drink, I tend to stop at 3 cans. My Mum says it’s good that I know my limits, but I have a couple of theories about why I tend to stop myself.

1. Because of my PTSD and anxiety and autism and adhd and who the fuck knows what else, I’m constantly in fight or flight mode. So my body notices when I get slightly tipsy and says “okay time to stop”. The reason I say this, is because the night of my works end of financial year party plus Christmas party, people said that they genuinely wouldn’t have known Id had anything to drink if it weren’t for the smell of alcohol on me. The truth is, when I’m with myself, yeah I get tipsy. I giggle a lot and do semi stupid stuff and my filter becomes non-existent… but as soon as my brain kicks back into gear, it’s like I hadn’t had a drop to drink all night. Fully aware, walking straight, not slurring, acting like my “usual self” according to others. But I think it’s because my natural way of being has been to be on edge for so long, that as soon as I don’t feel safe anymore, Im not tipsy or drunk with even a hint of having had alcohol. Which… is kind of depressing.

2. This one is kinda scary. I feel like a big part of me doesn’t want to dink or do drugs because I’m so close to psychosis and mania in normal circumstances that adding alcohol/drugs plus my meds just doesn’t seem like a good idea. AM, AB and my cousin KW have all offered me weed on multiple occasions. I know that at my age it’s normal to have tried that sort of drug. But I’ve also heard of people who were mentally unwell before drugs and then afterwards went into psychosis and ended up in a psych ward. Yes, people with depression and adhd tend to self medicate with drugs quite often. But I’m just the type of person that would have the chance of having drugs for the first time and tipping into the chasm I’ve been trying to avoid for years.

Ju and I were comparing a Never Have I Ever we saw on Facebook. She’s 30 ish years older than me and already I had done more on that list than she had. I don’t want to add psych ward to the list too. I understand they exist for a reason and they can really help people… but the public Australian psych wards are a mess that GPs, psychiatrists, psychologists, and therapists will try to keep you out of at all costs. KW had a stay in one of them once, when I was really young. She still describes it as one of the worst experiences of her life and says she was worse coming out than going in.

She got in because of drug induced psychosis. So my paranoia of taking street drugs isn’t for nothing. There is a chance it runs in the family. And if I’m going to go into psychosis, I would prefer it to be because my brain is naturally fucked, not because I knowingly put something in my veins that I knew could damage me.

I’m naturally damaged enough, thank you very much.