#and thats important to me! its so important and i feel like i let it get washed away in the assumptions people usually make about aces
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and! barbarian!fig! its her
#fantasy high#dimension 20#figueroth faeth#fh class quangle#if u look at the junior year design and think tifa lockhart: yeag#I already thought the cleric!gorgug junior year design kinda is very aerith so. lol#but! I do feel like these designs maybe portray the clearest arc out of all of them so far. I like that#some of it came from a bit of necessity which is really fun that mirrors the actual play format thats cool#(necessity being freshman year riz is pretty much a huge block of red flannel lmao. kinda stole figs canon color coding for a bit)#(and he's got the owlbear jacket from taping the games in sophomore year... so I cant give fig the big red blocking until#junior year lmao. coincidentally this forced me to be a bit more dynamic with her concept which is great)#her second pair of shoes very sonic tho. I kinda enjoy that lol#tbh I really love that canon gorgug is like in a pair of chucks 24/7 that is SO funny for a barbarian I hope to keep the energy going#with class swap fig I think a barbarian who wears like collector sneakers is awesome. the foot support is so important to their work#the general idea of a hyperfem girlypop barbarian still ticks for me tbh. idk enough abt the zeitgeist to know if thats passé now or not#but doing Fashion on ur job of bodily tearing ur opponent apart with the least flourish possible is just a hit for me#her knee brace is from like an injury back in her cheer days that she got by overexercising in hope of being good enough that#the team couldn't let her go. the team then used that same injury as a pretext to let her go#I think abt her arc tbh... fig's thing in canon junior year abt the point of her rebelling. I feel like a lot of it can also apply to rage#both knocking things over and holding onto things don't like. make anything new. destruction without at least a glimpse of a vision#of the after is ultimately a cynical defeatist point of view... strategic barbarianism for fig babeyy#yay! once again its time for me to Fucking Sleep. but hopefully I can hammer out a proper ref for riz and gorgug both in the#following week inbetween doing my job. its that time of da year lads (<- fully seasonal worker)
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ideal ggy reveal for me right now is some sort of game whatever format theyd use (for example sb vs hw is very different storytelling) about vanny killing dr rabbit and it leads up to the beginning of sb at the end
#like more vanny shows rab in a game therefore making ggy canon for sure explains why gregory was in the pizzaplex#would show one of the stepping stones vanny took to get to glitchtrap to kill him like she killed rab#it just makes sense to me#also works for vanny cassie#since rab will be no threat since hes dead so vanny has the spotlight#and gregory with his connection to cassie feels guilt over letting the same thing that happned to him and his family happen to her#so now he feels responsible to help her#leading to a game with gregory protag and vanessa and freddy co-protag/guides#im just explaining the secret little future fnaf game storyline im hoping for in my head#i just feel like if vanny cassie is real#which it RLLY seems like it is after hw2#revealing ggy before some sort of action would be taken would mean a lot#for gregory and cassies relationship#he would uave been in her boat and feel guilt for not being fast enough to save her from tbe same fate#i know vanessa would work better because she was vanny but she has no connection or friendship with cassie like gregory does#and it gives ggy some importance too#that is kinda more to serve the cassie plot than to make ggy more important or overshadowing vanny#not that ggy could overshadow vanny if vanny cassie is happening lol#pandas.txt#thoughts#theory#kinda#im just being hopeful#by hw2s dlc things will be so different#its so impossible to guess whatll happen in a fnaf game#and what will change#superstar duo#ggy#this is ALSO heavily based on a theory of mine that vanny killed rab @ the beginning of sb and thats why greg was at the pizzaplex#and how he got freed and why rab is nowhere to be found
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slay the princess extremely good game
#especially so right after finishing true colors which dont get me wrong i did like but ive found all the lis games other than lis 2 very#much disappointing in terms of how much they promise your choices REALLY matter & make a difference like. ok in the og game it really all#comes down to only your final choice mattering & there only being 2 outcomes. i really expected true colors to come through on that front#when i felt like lis2 did SO much better in that regard w actual multiple endings & it feeling like your decisions along the way impacted#those endings bcus people were yknow. still alive to experience the consequences of your choices. so i was kinda let down on that aspect#when its literally just the same ending no mattwr what you do & its only mikor differences to your relationships w people that are different#like why didnt if people backed you up on the council meeting or not impact if you succeed in taking down typhon. once again only real#decision is stay or seek adventure so same thing as the original but less consequential bcus thats like so secondary to the mystery imo#any all that to say. very refreshing to follow that up w something where it TRULY felt like all your decisions are actually important#texticles
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me to me: girl. girl don't fucking do it OUR COMPUTER STORAGE SPACE. AND WE'RE PROBABLY NEVER GONNA ACTUALLY USE THEM GIRL. GIRL!!! me: but... free software... its free......
#delete later#take a grand fucking guess as to what this is abt (vsynth shit. AGAIN)#though i will say ive been thinking abt getting ren'py again. i used to have it on my old computer#and i got rpg maker xp(? i think) on steam for sale once (before it was given away for free im MADDD) and then never installed it rip#now is not the time to talk abt that stuff tho this is about ✨vocal synthesis programs ✨. love how that SOUNDS professional but NO. WEEB#help girl we've gotten like 5 new utaus in the last few days. GIRL THATS TOO MANY. GIRL YOU SUCK AT USING OPENUTAU GIRLLL#and the devil whispering in my ear says i should fuck around w/ neutrino. bc i also just realized its free. but NOOO NOO#girl. 3 vsynth programs is ENOUGH. GIT FUCKING GOOD AT USING AT LEAST ONE OF THEM BEFORE GETTING MORE GIRL. STOP THIS MADNESS#editing spreadsheet of vsynths i have (yes i keep that embarassing ik) and i realized i dont actually have THAT many?#its more or so that the lists get blown up bc of alternate vbs. like how rin & len technically have 4 each (english + 3 jpn appends)#so those take up 8 spaces on vb list. and SIX KAZEHIKIS. THAT IS TOO MANY. i need to nerf them but ughhh i feel so bad lmfao#i might nerf injection eventually since i dont really use him but i have reason for keeping the others... esp placebo#i LOVEEE his placebo vb im so happy i got it lmfao. WHERES UR FUCKING RAGEEEEEE. let that boy be ANGRY#i have important shit to be working on but noooo im locked inside my mind again going crazy abt stupid vsynth shit GODDD SAVE ME
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augh the ot3 and saimatsu...... i just love themb so so so so so much there are so few ships i feel this strongly about... nine times out of ten if i "ship" something it's in a sorta hypothetical way where i hardly ever imagine them doing romantic things together and more just. i like them when they stand next to each other and their dynamic is good/silly/tragic/etc. but saimatsu and saiibomatsu make me so unwell (positive) like. if my aro romance repulsed ass is imagining a ship getting married i have it BAD for them ok
#ot3posting#ALSO KIIBO IS ARO TO ME fbshfjdh see what i mean#i dont think it comes across very well in my art/posts#but i do see the kiibo parts of the polycule as being distinctly queerplatonic in a way#not because it's lesser than shuichi & kaedes relationship but just bc that's how kiibo is and thats how it works out!!!#i imagine his confession went something like#'i love being your friend and it feels so special to me but i don't really want a big change in our relationship-#-i just want you both to know how much i feel it and how important it is to me'#and shu/kae r the ones who do more typical romancey stuff but that doesnt mean they dont all#spend time together and hug and kiss and say i love you etc whatever else couples do#i just think. it's all very new for them both romance and esp polyamory#they wanna break away from boxes and preconcieved notions and just be their own people for healing purposes#so they just let it be. theyre important to each other and are each others partners and that's all that matters#plus i love qpr saimatsu too#and its a little hard for me to conceptualize romance without any kind of Aroness to it yknow#so i like to sprinkle it into my fave ships. im having lots of fun#anyway more absolute nonsense from me i'll be here all week
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Random limlife Scott rant, GO!
I got this ask and decided that I’d give it my best shot but got so mad on my skim through some of the moments I remembered that I gave up.
#Okay im half joking#I got angry enough for me to decide that writing a post without careful consideration would probably lead to an inaccurate little ramble#I need to like. actually sit down and watch limlife and do a full overall analysis#because the context for how scott acts each season is so important. a skim just wont do#The reason I dont have notes on him to share with the class already is because when it was coming out I was pretending that—#Scott grew as a person after 3l and I wanted to believe that so badly I started making stuff up about memory erasure and limlife being—#dubiously real so that I could look the other way when scott started being weird about jimmy again#I was like yeah they barely remember it thats why scotts being uncomfortably weird about jimmy this season#not because scott doesnt think about jimmy like a person and just wants to hear him say words that make him feel better about his—#rough relationship history#not because the idea of jimmy gaining independence from him makes him feel insecure or anything#sighs. sorry im just saying things. again its been a while since ive watched it so I need to actually. Yknow. Watch it before making posts#Its just crazy how he treats it like proving a point more than actually caring#“I mightve given you the 30 minutes last week if youd said love you” he wouldnt have. he was already leaving when he said it#he’s literally just trying to get him to feel bad about not saying it#pretty sure he kills jimmy in the same episode he lets jimmy kill him. Like. He doesnt really care like that#He just likes to pretend that he does. He is going through the motions of caring#Its like he needs to believe jimmy still needs him. in like a possessive way. Its really weird man#I will say though since I see this a lot: I dont think him singling out tango in the 30 seconds scene was intentional#because if im being honest. I dont think he sees the ranchers as anything serious#He assumes tango was just putting up with jimmy bc he had to. He doesnt think tango actually cares about jimmy#in his mind no one actually cares about jimmy. because if scott struggled to care about jimmy and Scott is known for being an amazing ally#that must mean everyone else struggles to care about jimmy. If that makes sense#rant over I think. tldr limlife scott analysis postponed until I get my life together enough to be able to sit down and watch forthree hour#bree barks so fucking loud#asks
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I love to talk but I rly do feel like we have to be talking for a minimum of 8 hours straight before I feel like I can even begin to rly broach things on my mind or that have been bothering me a lot that I actually want to talk abt without being vague or deflecting or omitting or lying and if the conversation takes a break at any point it resets back to 0 and its still nice regardless but.
#we're all just desperately chasing each other around for a semblance of connection in this cold bleak world#but unfortunately due to the relentless crushing pressures of capitalism we also have to work so no time for that#man. sorry just frustrated n miserable now. wish i was capable of feeling close to other ppl wish i could give other ppl that connection#but instead we're just ships in the night passing by or whatever#and i have to settle with not rly being known or wanted or important in other ppls lives and its forever. btw#bc even if ppl do think they know me or do want me around or i am important to them in some way.. the specific torture labyrinth i call#home is constructed in the most elegant and precise way that im incapable of believing them to be sincere anyway#so thats all on me! if I tried harder and made more of an effort to communicate with or trust ppl i wouldnt feel this way!#but i dont so better luck in the next life i guess! this is why i dont think abt this shit bc it makes me want to kms#whats even the point man#dont even worry abt me im fine just need to fucking vent bc i dont have time to allow myself to feel anything bc i have plans tmr#so i need to go to bed early. and ill just try my best to keep distracted forever so ill never need to face how pathetically desperate#i am for any kind of emotional intimacy whatsoever and also physical contact but im not normal enough to fulfil any of my own needs#yeah well. its my life that i have to live and im the one making it this way. digging my grave and lying in it innit#its fine tho bc they make repressed fictional characters that i can project onto instead of confronting any of my issues#so ill just be here in my labyrinth doing that. while everyone else gets to see sunlight and grass and whatever#im just so tired i dont want to do this i want to pretend i dont care and dont need it and maybe itll become true. its too much for me#let me know when they need me to pilot the jaeger and drift with someone and thru our mindmelding i can finally achieve intimacy and trust#well anyway. that was embarrassing. hope it works out for everyone else#hope my flatmate gets her ideal life w our other old flatmates and finds a convenient way of discarding me from that like they want#except im going to make it as difficult as possible for as long as i can for them to get rid of me bc im selfish and want what i want so.#my obligate parasite ass. or whatever. im going to throw up if i keep thinking so thats a good place to stop and go to sleep probably#.vent#dont interact im being stupid as fuck and dont care just leave me alone thanks
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i couldve gone to sleep 3 hours ago but i decided to stay up and personally download/screenshot every single marceline outfit ever so i could make a tier list. heres the link
#so we got 9 that are my all time favorites#TWENTY FOUR that are good (i broke that tier in two)#15 that i cant find anything to say other than ''yeah thats an outfit for sure''#5 that could be better. which means either 1-its kinda ugly but fixable (princess day and the green suit one)#2-its a bit boring like i feel they couldve done something better w it considering its an important ep (seventeen and come along with me)#3-look the obsidian jumpsuit wouldve been ok if it was just like. for the scenes in the motorcycle or something like that makes sense. but#not for the entire episode!!! its kinda ugly why did they just keep her in it!!! bubblegum got to change#it works ok for some scenes but they couldve let her change into something else for the rest of the ep#and 5 that are just ugly. theyre just not it. ive tried to like them but i cannot#adventure time#marceline abadeer#the rows are sorted from best to less favorite/worse except from the whatever one
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did not expect how much effort actually typing up the backstories & bios of all the characters from my oldest (still active) story would take.. esp bc aside from the main 4 characters i only had like a general idea of their circumstances (for some of them its just like. yeah this chick exists and shes among the friends of the main character. i have a general idea of her personality and ik she has two brothers. but then i need to come up w paragraphs and paragraphs of her life and interests bc ive done it for the other characters 😭).. so its actually a lot of fully original writing whereas for the main 4 it was mostly just writing down shit i already knew about them
#97#NOT TO MENTION....#some of the most minor characters did not have sprites drawn out alreadu#and a bunch of them do have sprites but i didnt do a sprite for their dimensional alternate double#so im also doing a bunch of new art on top of writing all this lol#AND even for that art i need to stop and try to research trends from 2016 bc thats when the story is set and i dont have a super clear idea#of what we were wearing in 2016. especially w a cast thats a bunch of extremely wealthy californians so its not based on my own experience.#and also the stuff that was popular for ME an extremely online tumblrina in 2016.. is not what THEY would wear lol#i still need to draw whole sprites for joshua and frank#who are characters who so dont matter to the story but theyre like. around sometimes so i wanna include them.#and joshuas double is more important bc hes dating cômes double.#and then i need to do sprites for the doubles of.. let me checm#erika landon and samantha too#(ive done sprites for the doubles of mariko cassie richie freddie damien sylvie and marty in the past couple days)#all of which is just random sprite art so it doesnt even feel worth posting them on my art blog lol
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Yknow... I've spent so long focusing on me- what *I* want, what *my* reason for being alive is, that I think I completely forgot I can never separate my life from others- no matter where I look, other people are always at the core of what's important to me. Like yknow what? Maybe I don't want to be alive, maybe I don't see the value in life and it means nothing to me- but other people do. Other people *want* to live, for reasons that I simply don't have. And I think if me dying, or just trying to explain to explain how I think and feel even, would make that worse for someone else, then I don't want to. Because they deserve to keep the things that matter to them. Because I don't have a lot of faith in the meaning of life or hope that I'll have a happy future... but what I do have is faith in other people. Even if I shouldn't, I do and I'm not sorry for it.
#even if all ill ever get from other people in the end is disappointment#at least disappointment isnt the worst thing that life can throw at me#maybe if it happens- if when the day comes that i have to die and every last person has let me down- maybe ill have to accept it#but until that happens i wont accept it at all#ive already been let down by too many people to count. by stranger who dont even know I exist#and i know all of you readjng this have too. if anyone is reading this#but maybe i havent... maybe one of you has faith in me. and maybe thats enough to make it not matter how shitty other people are sometimes#because i know thats true for me. i look up to a handful of people and thats so important to me#idk... this feels egotistical. i doubt im anyones source of hope like that. but who cares#this train of thought doesnt feel complete but i know from oast experiences that if i have even the slightest sort of#*positive* breakthrough then i have to write it down IMMEDIATELY while im still feeling the feelings of it#otherwise I'll never be able to grasp the concept again#so i hope this serves its purpose even if its not the most coherent post 😅
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"this world will live on...!" girl no it wont im sorry
#posts in a drainage system#still. undyne's death monologue in genocide is really cool tbh#because really. we dont know how many monsters alphys managed to evacuate. we dont know how big the underground really is#there are ABSOLUTELY parts of it that you never explore in game and thats so wild to me. like.#even though alphys isn't fighting you directly she's probably one of the most important people in the narrative during the genocide run#and yet . none of it really matters in the end. does it#because by the end of genocide you have to make the decision to kill them all in the blink of an eye—as youve been doing the entire game—#or try to convince yourself in one last desperate act that you werent guilty for any of this by letting chara erase the world instead.#the final choice of the genocide run honestly makes me so wacky. like man . i could go ON about that shit#anyways this was about undynes speech. but yeah its a perfect example of dramatic irony for people familiar with the story#and if you aren't. youve probably become dissociated from your feelings about these characters if youve gotten this far into the geno run#BUT this speech is still so powerful. like maybe the monsters WILL find away to live on after this. even after their families and way of#life have been completely destroyed. even though that's the complete OPPOSITE of what youre trying to achieve during genocide#agh . such a good game
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** pov you are your big sister's strawberry shortcake, her precious pumpkaboo, her silly skitty, her number one fan and she is taking your photo on a fun outing in sparkling lumiose city where she works, just two days before she disappears mysteriously and maybe forever !! picrew. fic.
#yu.txt#i have finally figured out some kind of magic system for pokemon that i'll be using for this witch in pokemon au and its going to be so fun#(for me) and maybe less fun for the characters >:3c don't worry about the doomed siblings tag or the weird time stuff >:3c take my paw#as always i feel like i can't perfectly lay everything out as i imagined and the story doesnt look as clear as it does in my mind's eye but#thats ok i think thats what its all about anyways !! (concept about creating stuff that i can't explain well but means the world to me)#its like i see it and try to write it and maybe you see it and maybe don't see all of it but you see it where once only i could. and maybe#you can see things there that i didn't see and the most important part is you couldn't have seen it at all if i didn't write it or make it.#anyways i have to go make myself some coffee now let me know if you guys want some :o !!
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this is a pinned
hi hello im asto (not astro, but dont sweat it), i draw sometimes but life is tough so if you're following me on here you'll mostly be getting the post hunter gatherer experience tbh. but i also have an art only blog at @art-nauticus.
if you're here because of my rolling with difficulty art im so sorry, i hope you like omniscient reader's viewpoint i guess. if you're here because of my orv art stick around until at least like.. june THE START OF JULY I SWEAR, i have an animatic im working on very very slowly but it will be cool i promise :thumbs up:
#this is very not what a pinned is supposed to be but like my most important links are already in my bio anyway so im just shitposting#its just that i still get people following me for rwd sometimes and i feel the need to let them know that like#unfortunately thats not happening here anymore. very sorry about that#we're no longer stocking the pumpkins you really liked can i interest you in some model sailboats instead etc etc#was a pinned
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...
#let me express to u perhaps The frustration of my life#i like to learn. it is perhaps my favorite thing. new information. more more more constantly#but. my fucking brain is the fucking worst. because im not fucking stupid if i can focus and process the words being said i can understand#many things. i like to learn about math and physics and chemistry and biology and anatomy... ect concepts#but the focus and the processing of words is where we have problems. because i cannot focus for more than like 5min#i blink and suddenly ive been spaced out for a sec and need to reorient. i cant prioritize what to do 1st and im constantly bouncing betwee#tasks so nothing ever gets done and im too intimidated to start learning things. and when im trying to learn we habe the processing words#problem. like my reading comprehension is so fucking bad. like i will read a book on paper and maybe retain 25% of the info if im not#hardcore trying. for a class where i had to do a ton of paper reading. i had to read everything out loud to myself. highlight important#info. write myself a summary based on the highlights and then read the paper again before i could even begin to feel comfortable in#discussions. it was so fucking frustrating and miserable. ppl will give me physical books and im like thanks i cant fucking read sorry#too fucking dyslexic. read and listen they say. u have to read and listen at the same time bc i cant pay attention and i cant read#so if i do both then maybe the info gets in. thats y i have to read aloud but i hate it and still get distracted#i mean. i probably just have an attention problem. its also really annoying that my short term working memory is so awful#bc in order to make things make sense i have to draw or write them out. i cant judt go off the top of my head or i get stuck saying thr sam#thing over and over and over. its like my ability to think is extremely shallow. but thrn i read papers and recognize concepts from classes#i took years ago and im like. fucking y cant i know what i know? my head feels so empty but info is in there somewhere#its just so fucking frustrating that i love understanding systems so much. complex annoying little systems that fit together like a puzzle#and my fucking brain refuses to accept the information im trying to get in there. so i return to a remark left on my dyslexia assignment:#intelligent when not constrained by language or time. thanks. unfortunately language is how ppl communicate#also i freak out under time pressure lol. anyway ive just been reading papers for fun this weekend and remembering y i dont: bc its agony#but also i fucking love the concepts so much and i need a good understanding of photosynthesis before August when i join a photosynthesis#lab lmao. ugh. i love learning but my brain was not buildmt#built for it. if only if only someone could podcast about the obscure things im interested in while reading directly from the source#unrelated#also its like 105 degrees plus. its too fucking hot out#thats like 40 degrees C. the sun is like a death ray
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Getting really tired how every time I mention talking to someone new my mom's like "omg lol! Move in with them! Lol! Have you thought about moving in with them? Lol? Will they take you? Lol. We're so tired of you complaining lol can you just move in with them? Lol!"
Like. Wow! I never fucking thought of that one! Damn mom! Wow!!!! Revolutionary.
It's so fucking annoying because if I COULD actually move out don't you think I would have done it now? Hell. I'd be towns away if I could. Anything to get out of this fucking house. Away from your parents. Away from the constant walking on eggshells I'm doing. Away from feeling like the only way I'll be safe is by ripping myself open until I'm raw and used. But I CAN'T.
And every fucking time like clockwork it's "oh move in with x lol!"
#elias howls#shes so ready to help me until I actually need the help and then it's radio fucking silence. But I have it so good don't i.not paying rent#no push to get anything. no bills. no nothing. mommy and daddy love me dont they. my mom texts me do you think i abandoned you 🥺 i love you#🥺🥺 don't be mad at me we're best friends you and I#and then when I want her there for me as a parent as a friend she doesn't fucking do anything and lets the problem fester#oh but familys so important!#i was never part of this pack. I wasn't the moment I grew teeth.#its so fucking frustrating and its so fucking depressing and I'm tired and all I want is for it to be okay I just want to wake up happy.#How long till someone realizes I'm just not even there.#I'm going to get my license this year I'm positive and thats a step towards being out but even with it what can i fucking do. the economy is#shit. i cant handle two jobs. i can barley handle one job when i have one. Why am i so fucking lazy!!!!! Its my own hole and i just keep di#gging jt deeper when it rains so it's muddy and i slip and its like fucking quicksand. Will I suffocate or drown first? Learned hopelessness#begs to answer. The sun shines brighter after the storm says something else. Well I just want to exist in my house without feeling on edge l#ike w trapped pray animal who's going to turn to cannibalism as a form of soothing myself.#oh but right. what do i have to be stressed about? im making it all up because im jobless and im not really stressed Im not even an adult i#have nothing to worry about! LOL!
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ok tbh. as i continue to have more Positive Pride Thoughts, as was my resolution for pride this year, i think i want to emphasize my birom status more, because personally...thats what really matters most to me? i come out as bi to normies so i dont have to explain things, but being a birom ace is really just. vital to my being, idk. i usually say ‘im ace’ when talking about myself but thats just really not accurate. i am BIROM ACE. that is what MATTERS to me.
#shitpost#again. i never talk about this stuff so posting is weird#but i PROMISED myself id start writing and trying to articulate some of this#and my tumblr diary really is the best place to do so lol#i love being in love and the first time i fell in love i was four years old and i remember it clearly lol#and of course ive fallen so many times since then too. its easy! its beautiful! i love being in love!#and thats important to me! its so important and i feel like i let it get washed away in the assumptions people usually make about aces#(and those are exhausting but i Promised i wouldnt talk about that stuff. i will NOT get negative this year!)#just. i am biromantic!!!!! being biromantic is important to me!! the MOST important even!#i knew i was birom when i was in elementary school! i have always spoken of my future partner in bi terms.#(tho as anyone around normies its easy to accidentally speak in a comphet kinda way so often it would be like. 'future husband...OR WIFE')#like i just would add it hastily in afterwards#because i really did! always know!!! even from a very young age i talked like that!#(i was fortunate to know a gay couple before i even knew what gay or queerness really meant. so it always felt normal to me.)#(i know that is not a lot of people's experiences)#but yeah. ok. im done. just trying to make a post about this stuff that has been swimming in my head#before pride month is up#im not against posting more in general but. i sortof really wanted tot ry to talk during pride#and afterwards ill go back to my usual self haha
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