beautifully-fucked92
2K posts
Here to express myself. Nothing more. Not looking for people to talk to or anything like that. I am owned.
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Fuck. A birthday is meant to be a good day.
Here I am the day before my 33rd birthday feeling sick to my stomach and it's not sick sick it's anxious sick, fear sick, loneliness, sadness.
I've never been one for birthdays but I'm absolutely dreading tomorrow. Kids go back to school and I'll be alone. I'll go driving to try distract myself but it won't work. Tomorrow will be a terrible day and I feel sick about it.
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Feeling more and more alone everyday.
Did early birthday drinks and only 2 people rocked up.
Had talked about having a session with daddy on my actual birthday but he isn't in the right headspace (and I get it I do it just sucks)
I hate feeling like this.
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24 hours and It still feels like I've ripped out my own heart. I know I'm doing something that needs to be done but it doesn't hurt any less. I've said goodbye to someone I truly love that has been my pillar through my mental health for the last 6 months.
I wish I didn't have to but a situationship not going anywhere after 5 years is never going anywhere.
Fuck I wish I could do casual but I just can't. I always care more.
I know he loves me in his way but it's not in a romantic way.
I've fought myself all day to not message and I will continue to do so even through it's tearing me apart.
I have to fix me no matter who I lose along the way 😭💔
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How dumb I looked, trying every day to make it work with someone who doesn’t even care if we ever talk again.
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What do you do when you love someone but you know whatever it is won't progress to anything more than a situationship?
I don't know where I stand anymore.
I've told them they should walk away but they won't. I've tried but I can't.
I'm in limbo. I know if they get in a relationship that it'll hurt and that I'll just go back to them when/if that ends. I've been going back for 5 years.
What's that say about me?
I'm just a pathetic little girl hooked on someone who seems only see me as a sub.
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