#whatever man. its not over its fine itll be okay.

[caruliaa]

this is my joe alwyn and taylor swift breakup <- joking but its smth thats genuinely hugely big and awful for me i feel

[bingobongobonko]

grumble grumble. kind of want to call out for work, im deadass too depressed for this shit rn

[inamagicalhallucination]

okay two versions of mafia dazai x ada kunikida + their adopted son atsushi

one

dark era

ok this would probably end up being an accidental fix it but um anyway

picture this, dark era dazai wandering around thinking up a new way to commit suicide

kunikida on his way back to the ada office after a mission

and atsushi who has managed to escape the orphanage and now is wandering in a new town

atsushi meets dazai while dazai's trying to drown himself like in canon

atsushi meets kunikida who notices a small starving kid drag someone out the river and immediately rushes to help

at this point kuni and dazai dont know each other

anyway

kunikida takes atsushi to eat and the drowning man is also there; they talk; atsushi is sweet

dazai's like "starving child do u wanna come with me" while kunikida is also inviting him to come w/ him to find a place to stay

now u might think why would dazai do this well idk something about a small child starving and exhausted but still finding in himself to help a stranger even tho itll leave him wet and cold was so surprising he didnt know what to do

and kunikida is just... kunikida and idk he's a nice guy

anyway

dazai and kunikida both argue atsushi should come with them and dazais like this guys probably right but its funny to see him riled up

anyway so theyre like okay whatever atsushi wut do u want

and atsushi, sweet tiny traumatized atsushi, doesn't wanna upset these ppl who seem so nice so he says both

and so the custody agreement starts

at first dazai doesn't tell anyone about atsushi becuz um who would want to admit they adopted a child to rile up a hot blond but

eventually as dazai and kunikida grow close to atsushi and to each other they find out about their jobs

kunikida is not happy about letting his son (whos only 4 years younger than him) live with mafia ppl around and makes dazai swear to protect him and dazais like okay fine ig

anyway

the only ppl who know atsushi in the mafia are oda and ango becuz um besties

chuuya knows somethings up but he hasnt quite figured it out

akutagawa has met atsushi but he doesn't know about atsushi and dazai

he does know this sweet kid who always greets him with a smile is under shared custody over two guys his brother who call themselves his dad but ya

atsushi isnt hiding it he's just shy around his first ever crush

anyway

atsushi loves the ada and fully wants to join but he also loves dazai but he has no desire to be with the mafia sense dazai has never let him meet anyone in the mafia while theyre on the clock if that makes sense

so essentially as my tags of the last post said

atsushi is the child of divorce that has to constantly move in between homes

but his parents are four years older than him

and not divorced becuz they arent even dating yet

and also he's accidentally the reason theyll ever get together

and also his homes r two rival organizations

anyway the fix it part comes from dazai having his in law family to help out when mimic comes but do with that what u will

and also same concept but theyre all older

[ins4nebxtch]

fr ending it all tonight cuz nothing seems worth it anymore like okay if im gonna be very honest i dont even get the point of trying anymore like it really really isnt worth it, the year started out kinda rough but i thought eh itll be fine but then like it went on and on and then it kept going downhill and see atp i still had hope that i could turn things around right but then i really don't think i can fix this like ive been trying for an entire year man idt anything is going to be any different. and before ik i was sorta depressed and shit but atleast i had some sort of energy to keep going but honestly I'm so fucking drained like idt im going to keep going. this anxiety ocd whatever the fuck it is im not self diagnosing cuz thats yucky like these fucking voices are genuinely getting too much, like bro wym smth very bad will happen if i dont leave the door hanging or keep my shoes exactly in a certain way or sit there and recite the number of fucking likes comments and shares on every reel 3 times. not victimizing here or anything but this is like -2 points for me no since i have to go through all this also and niggas who ain't gone thru shit in their life like the worst thing they've "been through" is getting scolded by parents for bad marks or sum get to sit here, fuck me over, laugh about it, spread it around to their friends who haven't gone through shit either js so they can sit here and judge me?? and then judge the way i cope w it too cuz they know whats better for me more than i do?? and dont even give me that oh ydk what others have been through like nigga even if they have 1. they should understand how it is and not pull ts and 2. if theyre going thru smth and this is their coping mechanism or whatever, just because your lire is fucking shitty doesnt give you the right to fuck up mine and laugh ab it. you cant outrun shit in this fucking city everyone knows everyone and apparently they love to make it so well known they dont like me cuz I'm some #1 alcoholic slut who apparently doesnt have a single nice bone in her body. i admit i was shitty like a while back but legit everyone who's sitting here and saying ts about me has done the same and some of these people have done even worse shit yet they face no consequencs and get to judge me?? its absolute bullshit. I've done nothing but sit here and fucking pray for things to get better and actually try to become a better person but im not gonna waste my time anymore if everything remains like this. you have absolutely no idea how much I've prayed to god, literally begging to fix atleast one aspect of my life but to no fucking avail and it's got nun to do w me being a bitch or whatever or oh it's js karma cuz i see niggas who've fucked me over 10 times worse having the time of their fucking life so god has no excuses. it's not even for character development anymore like okay bro ive actually been trying 2 change what more do i need to develop?? all these niggas do is judge judge judge like oh she drinks ew like nigga maybe the reason i do is cuz you or your friends dumbass fucked me over so hard that i wanted to kill myself?? would you rather me write yall fucking names in my suicide note and kms so the whole gang goes to prison?? fucking hell im doing these idiots a favour and they have issue w that also like bro atp id buy a fuck b4 i gave one (in reality i care a lot or i wouldnt be yapping this much) anw im done trying cuz if i suggest trying again im genyinely gonna waste 3 lakhs that my parents spent and theyll probably kill me themselves so i dont think i have any other fucking option anymore cuz im not dealing w all of this again. i swear to god bro if i actually die ive got a few niggas who i want paying the price for whatever bs they pulled or istg im gonna haunt them and pull one conjuring scene. oh and another thing ik they say iF yOu DoNt LiKe YouR LifE tHeN dO sMtH tO FiX iT like nigga past full year what do you think ive been doing like if god has this big issue w me then im also pulling one scene w him im going up there to see what his problem is

[show-us-kaidenshenandoah]

most of the time, when i make tiktok comments (or comments on youtube or insta or, i guess, social media in general) my brain has me just Fucking Forget that im not in a one-on-one conversation with OP and other people can read what i say. thankfully: this comment is now deleted after i foolishly left it up on tiktok for five months

i dont mind leaving i leaving it up here though because this is tumblr. it fits the vibe. i can mute the post if worst comes to worst, whatever. i think its funny that my friends were more worried about Chris than a literal cockroach lol im just glad the og tiktok comment didnt break containment before i deleted it from there lol but here? this whole site is "containment", itll be fiiiiinnne ...probaabblllyyyy

bc, yeah, luckily, this comment got only 2 likes. it was from a tiktok made by @/nerdymixedpan about: monster fuckery "hear me out"s? golden, great choices, will be allowed to speak even if no one agrees, no one is worried about Tat at all for any of their picks. human "hear me out"s? Tat's wife worries "you just like freaky lil white boys" as Tat is fussed over

but yeah!! Tat's sentiment reminded me of "my childhood (with some lifelong, but not all) 'hear me out's, but it gets worse as we go along" powerpoint i made and showed my friends for powerpoint night. and so i made an admittance in the above comment that, AS A KID (NOT NOW), i had crushes on Chris Mclean from "Total Drama Island" and the Headless Roach Man (is apparently his official wiki name) from "Growing Up Creepie"

and i think, for me, part of it is "monster fuckery? Kaiden-Shenandoah, youve been rarely NOT rigidly asexual your whole life. nobody is going to worry about you loving monster-romances and scream at 'but what about their genitalia?! you cannot possibly want to fucking bed that Lovecraftian horror!!' or some shit, bc you dont have any interest in that, so it's kinda like 'eh... our friends have had worse significant others we have had to tolerate'. at least we dont have to picture how the fuck sex would work" (bc apparently allosexuals, i guess, picture how the hell the sex could work when sizing up a loved one's partner? and they have the audacity to call ME their "favorite lil freaky weirdo". im as "freaky" as freshly cleaned Barnes & Noble, fam, idk what the fuck youre on) and all of that somehow nullifies all possible grotesqueness or horror of my monster picks. like "i kicked my feet and giggled as a lil kid over a nonspeaking, headless, giant cockroach", y'know?? nothing. they give me fucking nothing lmao rip

put an irl cockroach, head or no head (nonspeaking regardless) that is normal-cockroach-size, in front of my friends? there'd be so much screaming. but i get it, sure, the cockroach character in the ppt is 2D animated and will never be real. an actual cockroach is, y'know, obviously real. i get the dissonance there. i do. i get it. im befuddled... but i do get it, yes

and yet somehow the same logic does not impact my human "hear me out"s as my friends went "WTF KAIDEN-SHENANDOAH, YOU CANT GET WITH THIS MAN, HE'S THE DEVIL". like?? okay. but the headless extremely tall cockroach with no speaking-lines who lives in a sewer is fine?? both of these guys are 2D animated. neither are real. still. one of these png files got me a "lmao you cannot be serious... i mean, i GUESS, sure? carry on" and the other png file got me a "KAIDEN-SHENANDOAH, ABSOLUTELY NOT, NO, SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOURE DONE, NO, NOBODY'S HEARING YOU OUT, NO, NOPE, NO, SIT THE FUCK DOWN, LIKE HONESTLY, WTF". and, shockingly, it was the human man who got my friends kicking and screaming

granted, Chris absolutely is a stellar example of "if Satan was a mortal man" but also? s1 and s2 Chris was not so bad, he just did his job. he got unhinged as he stayed at that job. and im ngl im intrigued at the idea of how the fuck would this man function with something as benign yet allowing for obsession like a crush or being in love. but also? yeah, no, the straight-jacket and pillow-walled room i got put in for this one was warranted, yep, i get how i got here

[voidwritesstuff]

Savior Of Lost Hope AU

A/n: im not dead!! The fics not dead!!!

Chapter 3.

Summary: after finding Dr.Wales,the crew needs to find a way to bring him back. Even if they dont like what they have to do to accomplish it.

--How long do you think itll take em in there?--Jerico asked doodling on a spare piece of paper.

--couple 'o days?--Rosemary replied, sitting beside the girl and handing her a cup of tea-- im sure they'll be fine.

--Yeah I guess..I just cant help but be worried, you know?

The other woman chuckled with a raised brow-- Could it be youre worried about Lucas?

Jeri freaks out, avoiding eye contact and gripping her pen with such force she could break it in half. --'m worried about everyone.

Rose chuckles and raises her brow-- sure you are-- she takes a sip from her coffee and looks at what her companion is drawing. Its clearly Lucas, she can tell by the green flannel and the curly black hair. She smiles at it but doesnt say anything.

--Okay so what if I am-- the girl replied,shrugging to play it off.

--Nothing, I just... I think its cute-- she replied-- my friend has been through it. And I appreciate you making him happy, thank you

Jerico smiles, she rubbs the sleep out of her eyes and says-- well...'m glad I can make him happy. Hes- god, hes just so cute

Rosemary is about to say something when she hears the radio go-- attention! Attention! This is Radioman, do you read Angel? -- its Lucas,because of course he butts in before she can hear all about her companions crush.

Both women roll their at the codenames. The scientist graba the radio and says-- Ten-four Radioman. Whats your status

Theres a brief moment before they hear him say-- we've found Savior. We repeat, we found Savior

--Desmond?--Jerico asked leaning closer, overjoyed by hearing Lucas' voice.

--Radioman,you mean-- the doctor?--The older woman asked.

--Affirmative --Both look at eachother and smile, high fiving eachother-- theres...a slight complication,though

--How slight?-- Lucas heard rosemary's annoyed voice. He takes a solid minute and adds-- he doesnt remember Us- I mean he does, but he doesnt remember how he got here or who he was. And apparently, hes "locked" in here by his amnesia. -- he rubs his face with his free hand, stress picking at his nervous system,his eyes on the floor.

More silence ensues for a few minutes, until he hears Jerico go-- you call that slight?!

At the voice, the Man smiles and looks up as if she was standing infront of her-- sorry, misused the word.

--Thats one hell of a way to misuse a word-- rosemary grumbled-- ten-four Radioman, do whatever you need to to get him out. Find things that Will remind him of who he is. Angel out.

The line cuts and Lucas is left to figure this out on his own. He turns to desmond,lost in conversation with Allen as Virginia looks at his clothes,mesmerized by the design.

--i swear ill get a stress ulcer one day-- he growls,turning to Desmond and saying-- Doc! Can you tell me everything again,from the top?

With the patience of a saint, Desmond nodds and smiles. Its a warm,understanding smile-- Well, I remember walking here aimlessly, I found this place eventually and then...-- he thinks for a brief moment,turning to Tonia who was still asleep-- Tonia found me, we made this place our home

-- But how did you get here -- Virginia asked-- I mean what made you find this place

The house shakes and the light dims,even the one coming from the sun. The feathers on the doctor's wings ruffle-- I would rather not talk about it, I cant...remember it well and I do not like how painful it is to remember-- he looks away, the rings with Many eyes look away at the floor-- but please,make yourseleves at home

Before either if them say a Word, the Man kicks up in flight and soon hes lost between the Many bookshelves of the place.

--Jesus fucking christ-- Lucas complains,passing his hands through his face.

--Now what?-- Asked Max,folding his arms over his chest.

--Well figure it out!-- Allen chirped, leaning on Virginia a little-- as the doc always said! Patience and Grace!

At the phrase,tonia raises her head and mewls, stretching and walking over to the Group. She nuzzles Allen's hand and tugs at his fisherman sweater, guiding Him to the Hall outside the Office.

--maybe she wants us to follow-- Virginia suggested,pushing a strand of curly black hair behind her ear.

-- Ah well why the hell not--Lucas agreed-- s'not like we have any better ideas.

And so,they follow her out, back to the series of paintings in the Hall. The ex lighthouse keeper looks at them, inspecting them and putting the pieces together. Its actually him who actually figures it out-- c-correct me if im wrong here but... look-- he gestures at the first painting, its the view of an Angel,that looks an awful lot like desmond,fighting off a demon of dark skin and multi colored goo-- this is desmond, fighting against the chem-- the house rattles a little,he flinches-- fighting the You Know What.

He moves to the other picture of the Angel being brought down by the demon. -- he lost the battle,whatever the battle was-- he walks to the one Next to the previous painting. This one is Desmond- the Angel being trapped by five chains. One of them is white,the other four are Green,Red,blue,magenta.

--Didnt the doc have tapes color coded?-- Virginia asked-- when we had a session he would always record them in a magenta tape.

-- mine was blue-- Allen added-- what color were you two's tape

--Green-- Lucas answered

--Red-- replied Max.

--Do you think the chains represent us?-- Virginia asked, looking at the picture.

--Why the hell would it represent us?-- Max asked, looking at the painting as well.

--Well...we are his patients arent we?--Allen asked, as a cloud obscured the sun for a brief moment. Tonia nuzzles his hand as if to agree with him-- we are part of him 

--But why would we chain him down in some way?--Lucas asked-- 'm gonna call rosemary

They wait a few minutes until Rosemary picks up, Lucas explains what happened and waits for an answer. -- I honestly dont have an idea.. if the You Know What-- she felt a little silly for calling Agent Rainbow that-- is everything we repress, its probably something that he doesnt want to face. Something hes ashamed of

--Guilt!-- jerico jumps in-- its guilt isnt it?

--But why would he feel guilt towards us?-- Virginia asked.

--Well, think of it this way- now,this is personal experience but-- jeri starts, nobody comments on how Keen Lucas is to hear her voice-- the picture shows him being chained down by something having to do with you guys, what chains us most its guilt and shame. Maybe, he feels like he hasnt done enough with you guys, as if he failed you

--But he didnt-- Allen said.

--But he doesnt know that-- jerico added-- maybe you guys need to find a way to get him to see that

--Well thats all fine and dandy,but what about the fifth chain, the white one?--Max asked.

--Maybe the fifth one is himself. Maybe if we make him forgive himself-- rosemary jumped in.

-- And how the hell do we do that?-- Max asked again

Lucas sighs and says-- ten four Angel. We'll start with what we have. Over and out -- the line cuts and tonia grabs Lucas by the sleeve of his jacket with her mouth, pulling him down the stairs with the rest of the Group

--Its like tonia knows-- Virginia said-- maybe whatever desmond doesnt remember, she does. Thats why shes guiding us

--Animals are always on some freaky psychic bullshit-- Max grumbled,Lucas cant help but chuckle.

They reach the first floor once more as tonia guides them down another corridor. There are four Doors with each of their names, and one simple note on the round table in the middle. The handwriting is scratchy and the paper is stained with oil, it simply read "face your demons to be free. There is no turning back".

--Thats not ominous at all-- Virginia remarked.

--God knows what the hell theres behind those Doors-- Lucad said-- tonia,what are we supposed to do?-- the cat nodded towards the note.

Virginia sighed and Walked up to the door with her name, the doorknob is a magenta gem which has cracks in it. She can see her own reflection-- what the note said? Theres no turning back...?-- she sighs-- we're trapped arent we? We either get desmond out or we die with him? -- unfortunately,tonia nodds-- great..

Mustering all her courage, she twists the knob and enters, before anyone can say anything.

The room within is black, it shifts to a dark magenta color every once in a while. As she walks, the room fills with eyes that stare at her,voices that pick at her scarred face.

Virginia recoils into herself, face Burning with shame-- stop it!-- she mutters, but the eyes Open wider And the voices get louder-- I said shut up!--she screams but it only gets worse.

Tvs appear as she keeps walking,eyes staring intensily at her, mannequins with names like "denis" and "Jorge" appear. But she keeps walking.

--Oh god,not you-- she mutters as a mannequin with the name of "Dave" appears in the middle of her path. The voices whisper things like "ugly", "useless", "everyone Gates you"-- no no no- not you! -- she kneels on the ground and covers her ears, the voices grow in volume. Louder,louder,LOUDER.

Until she remembers what rosemary said. "You might find your shadow selves,those things you repress"

Virginia thinks of desmond,trapped in this hellhole, she knows theres no turning back. She stands up, her body shakes and she walks with stumbling steps. "Youre loved,youre safe, youre loved,youre safe" she mutters to herself, hugging her own body and concentrating on her own voice until the voices go quiet.

She walks past the mannequin and pushes it to the ground, it shatters And she finds strength to Straight her back and Keep walking.

Before her is a small glass table, with a magenta key on it. Behind the table is a round mirror. As shes about to Grab the key,a clawy ghastly hand comes from the mirror and clutches her wrist.

Virginia yelps and pulls back, but the shape of a ghost woman comes from the mirror and looks at her,her face is cracked,her voice weak--...stop-- she says.

--Why?

--You really wanna go back? They think the worst of us..our family- we are never enough..

The woman coos soothingly, she doesnt let go of the key but she does say-- We are enough,and youre beautiful. The people out there like us, we are loved. And...im sorry you were convinced that you werent-- she pulls the ghastly woman for a hug and she hugs tight-- we are safe, we are loved,we are enough, we are beautiful

Her shadow self nodds and lets go, the glass shatters but it doesnt hurt her. Then,the room dissolves and she walks back out of the room with the key.

--Virginia!--The three men shout once shes our of the room. Allen hugs her friend tight and shakes her

--I!!!was!!!so!! Worried!!--he yelled.

--how was it In there kid?-- Lucas asked, pulling her in for a tight hug

Virginia Hugs back and explains everything that happened, what she saw, what she did to confront her shadow self and what be got in return.-- maybe thats how we free desmond-- she says.

--Well isnt that lovely-- Max grumbled.-- I aint got nothing to repress

The other three look at him-- dude...-- Lucas says-- are ya sure -- Max looks away and keeps quiet.

Allen sighs through his nose and looks at his door-- for the doc,right?-- he asks mostly to himself.

Virginia puts her hand on his shoulder and squeezes it-- you got this

The ex lighthouse keeper walks towards his door, the knob is a bright yellow, and its like it was melting. Like wax or like something under an intense heat-- for the doc-- he whispers before twistint the knob and entering

[ghost-of-the-machine]

honestly bpd brain so fascinating like. if i wasnt experiencing the drawbacks of it everyday id probably find it more interesting cuz ??

the way. a sequence of events, SIMPLE. devastation, and then 15 seconds later im crying like that type of cry you dont want to have but you cant stop. lip quivers eyes water and this genuine deep sadness . its SO OVERR. nd then as im mid grief trying to wipe the tears as they come, whatever did it has undone it and im like. oh! okay :]]] like. ALL OF THIS IN ONE MINUTE from horribly sad to perfectly fine, HAPPY EVEN. it is very. tiring 💀💀 its fine but like damn bitch!!!

I . i know its not my fault so i wont BLAME myself but i know its hard for people to handle, its why i just dont ever share about it cuz like. it? makes all my feelings seem so... superficial. i PROMISE if im sad its genuine, its pain i feel but it doesnt seem very genuine when im over it in like 10 minutes, it feels horrible man like . im scared some day people arent going to take my emotions seriously at all, itll be like a 'boy who cried wolf' situation, where like. yeah hes sad, whatever he'll get over it type thing but. that would break my heart 😭😭 that would guarantee it spiral into something more

its just. its dizzying the way emotions just kinda slam into me and then peel off to make room for the next ones cuz it really is this IMPACT. sudden dread, most blinding joy ive ever felt. LET ME OUTTTT

i wonder how my life would be different if i could feel like everyone else does? im not saying other people DONT have intense emotions, but for me its every single fucking emotion its exhausting

plus it makes things WORSE the way my brain is constantly scanning for rejection and abandonment its ?? subconscious its genuinely a fully subconscious process cuz ill be FINE and then! oops!! thats a message that my brain can read wrong, worst case scenario immediately you will die alone goodbye forever stinky. 💀 okay

im getting better at it, i try to convince myself like hey. just cuz yr scared of soul crushingly cruel abandonment at any moment, remember who yr talking to!! would they really do that to you? and then im like. right. right, why would that happen thats so silly (brain in the back already plotting a million ways why it would happen)

ENOUGHHH BOY QUIET NOW

[pesterloglog]

Dave Strider, Kanaya Maryam, Meenah Peixes

Act 6, page 5398

DAVE: sup

DAVE: wait whats going on

DAVE: is the meteor passing through another dream bubble

KANAYA: Yes

KANAYA: Hence The Ghost Who Is Following Me

DAVE: oh

DAVE: hey

MEENAH:

DAVE: what you dont talk now?

DAVE: you were pretty spunky before what happened

KANAYA: She Is Exhibiting Her Best Behavior While On This Tour

KANAYA: Shes Actually Doing Very Well So Far

DAVE: ok whatever

DAVE: so what are we just not even bothering to care anymore when we pass through dream bubbles now

DAVE: like no warning or alert or getting into our facetious battle stations or anything

DAVE: eh who cares actually

DAVE: i probably wont even leave the room this time

DAVE: getting a little bored of ghosts actually

DAVE: no offense sea troll

MEENAH: (hornless dirtscraper)

KANAYA: Shh!

MEENAH: 38(

KANAYA: So What Were You Just Mumbling Over Here Before I Interrupted You

DAVE: oh just some raps

DAVE: been working on my raps

DAVE: youve heard my raps right

DAVE: want to hear some raps

KANAYA: ...

DAVE: wait do you know what rap is

DAVE: its this fly human tradition where you drop a beat and talk hard

DAVE: if the flow checks out and your rhymes are dope enough then the police start unholstering their guns

DAVE: they cant help it its like reflexive

DAVE: thats how you know youre doing it right

KANAYA: I Know What Your Raps Are Theyre Basically The Same As The Ancient Artform Of Alternian Slam Poetry

KANAYA: But More Primitive And Generally Involving Less Lyrics About Towering Muscular Livestock

DAVE: slam poetry

DAVE: why didnt you tell me about this

KANAYA: I Dont Know I Dont Really Have Much Interest In The Subject

DAVE: yeah but

DAVE: it should have come up

DAVE: wait now that i think about it

DAVE: i remember some weird troll was rapping at me once

KANAYA: Well There You Go

DAVE: but i mean we could have been talking about rap all this time

DAVE: you and me i mean

DAVE: it would have come up i think if we talked more

DAVE: kanaya we should talk more we dont really talk enough

DAVE: like really just

DAVE: get down to fucking business

DAVE: just the two of us

DAVE: all conversationally and such

KANAYA: Um

DAVE: really like

DAVE: flesh out this dynamic

DAVE: see whats THERE

DAVE: we goddamn WILL squeeze blood from this stone

DAVE: this awkwardly quiet ghost troll as my witness

KANAYA: If You Are Successful In Extracting Blood From The Geological Material In Question Can I Have It

DAVE: aw man

DAVE: kinda semi self deprecating vampire jokes this is a good start i like it

KANAYA: I Dont Know How Sincere Youre Being Dave

KANAYA: Probably Only Somewhat Since The Rule Is That Everything Has To Be At Least Partially A Joke Right

DAVE: yes exactly

KANAYA: But If You Actually Want To Converse And Exchange Views On Our Respective Cultures Then Okay I Guess Thats Fine

KANAYA: I Might Be Able To Dig Up Some Classic Texts By Some Famous Slam Poets

DAVE: oh man yes

DAVE: that would be so fucking perfect

KANAYA: Ok I Will See What I Can Do

DAVE: youll have to read the troll gibberish to me

DAVE: itll be just like storytime with karkat

DAVE: kanaya edition

KANAYA: Heh Sure

DAVE: but youll have to rap the words

KANAYA: Oh

DAVE: pump up the bass and slaughter the mic

DAVE: i want to goddamn FEEL that slam poetry

KANAYA: Is It Too Late To Back Out Of This

MEENAH: yes

[lunar-fey]

vent or whatever.

when y. when you dont get to eat dinner bc youre broke bc youre disabled and cant hold a job and your parents buy your food but they dont believe in things like "digestive disorders" or "dietary needs" so they basically tell you to either eat something that will make you sick or not eat at all bc they cant go to 3 different places to pick up food and skerples already cant eat the food everyone else eats (autism). and then they get mad at YOU when youre like okay. guess i will not eat then. because they are like ogh youre just being mean because you hate me stip trying to be special and eat it even though it makes you sick like the rest of us >:( like SORRY id rather not eat at all than eat something that will make me throw up. (me and dad have had extended arguments over this. he truly cannot understand this concept and thinks that everyone should eat things that they hate or that make them sick because its food and no one should ever be allowed to like. customize their food or get something else))

they did get me like some potatoes but 1. its like. 3 bites worth (none of us knew it would be that small) and it also tastes awful (i really didnt want to get anything but again they got really pissed at me for saying i just wouldnt eat then (not even like. in a passive agressive way i was just like. uhhh well i think im too sick to eat any of this. itll be fine) and looked like they were gonna cry about me not getting food. like idk but if you care that much about me eating then maybe stop picking the same 2 fast food places that you KNOW and have known for years that i cant eat at. maybe then you wouldnt have to feel bad or whatever. or maybe the real issue is just that you WANT to feel wronged by me + a refusal to accept that people can be sick for their whole lives bc you have been sick for your whole life but refuse to accept it. mom literally cant work and is on ssi bc of her disabilities but also disabilities arent real and no on has them and everyone can just try hard enough to overcome their symptoms. except her of course, because shes your wife. but fuck those kids tho. no matter how old they get they are still too young to have any type of medical problem, because kids are immune to medical problems and adults can simply will them away.)

anyway this time it was taco bell but also just because i want to get this off my chest too im adding it. normally they get like burgers and i can only tolerate mcdonalds burgers and bk to an extent (as far as wjats availble here. i knos everyone hates mcd burgers but they dont upset my stomach like everything else. idk why. they dont taste like a burger but whatever they do taste like is good to me. mostly i think they just taste like salt) and the sheer RAGE dad flies into every SINGLE time he asks what i want and i say i want a cheeseburger with no mustard. he LOOSES HIS SHIT. EVERY SINGLE TIME HE YELLS AT ME FOR IT. im like sorry man but if its got mustard im not gonna eat it. its disgusting. i dont want you to waste money on food im not going to eat. and he gets SO MAD. he doesnt WANT to save money; he wants me to be the perfect little military brat he tried to raise me as who never speaks unless spoken to or asks questions and does as hes told and eats disgusting slop and vomits and says thank you sir. can i please have more sir. and it AINT ME.

anyway if you wanted to know why im bad at starting conversations and you read this far uh. now you know. the ability to speak to someone else first got beaten out of me its not even anxiety i get so scared of getting introuble for starting a conversation that i black out and forget every single interest ive ever had. BUT if someone else starts for me im okay <3

[multiplefandomsblog]

Kokichi walking in on his S/O changing

request; Could I have Kokichi walking in on his S/O changing? He's very impressed and she's very embarrassed.

warnings; fem!reader, reader has boobs, reader uses female pronouns and names to address themselves, nudity, implied peeing inside the tub(just read, itll make more sense lmfao-), suggestive, kokichi is kinda pervy, you and Kokichi are dating btw :0

note; sorry this took long! i was too busy crying over chapter 5 :’) but i hope you enjoy your one and only, chaotic gremlin!!

word count; 0.5k+

You were in the middle of taking off your clothes, getting ready for a shower until you suddenly heard your door open. Your hands were bent over your back to try and unclip your bra, pushing your chest out as you tried reaching the stubborn buckle. You squeaked as you saw your door knob start to rattle, the door swinging open, revealing your purple-haired boyfriend with a wide grin on his face.

The force from your jump seemed to be the last push you needed to unbuckle your bra, funnily so. Your whole face drained of colour when you felt the straps loosen on your body. He made a closed-eyes smile at you, “Heeelloo, my quee-!” He cut himself off as he opened his eyes, seeing your cowering, half naked body, scrambling to keep the little fabric still pressed against your chest.

You expected him to close the door, or at least look away, but no. No, this man just stared at you for a good two minutes, imprinting the sight of your half naked body into his fucking mind. “K-kokichi, get the hell out!” Your eyes frantically searched your room for anything to cover up, eyes immediately catching your blankets. 

You promptly took action and secured the blanket around your form, doing its job to cover you well. It took him a few minutes too late to actually have your words register in his mind, as he was too busy staring. 

Eventually, he snapped out of his jaw-dropped gaze, as he went back to his normal, child-like, and teasing self(though you could still see the ghost of a blush on his pale skin). “..But S/o-chaaaan! it’s kinda selfish of you to hide this beautiful body to yourself, don’t you agree?” He spoke quickly, his advances towards you just as fast.

Very suddenly, he pinned you against your own wall, peaking over to your bathroom from the corner of his eye, “Hm? Were you gonna take a bath?” You nodded suspiciously, your face still warm from his close proximity. Your eyes furrowed at his expression that had betrayal written all over it. 

“And you weren’t going to invite me!?” Waterfalls started shooting out his eyeballs as you watched him patiently, yeah, this happened often. “Waaaah! S/o-chan is so inconsiderate!” His loud wailing hurt your ears, and so you tried pushing against his chest that blockaded you against the wall. 

“O-okay, fine, whatever. Join me, I gue- Kokichi!?” Kokichi pushed off the wall he pinned you against, not hesitating for a second to throw his clothes off, exposing his pale skin to you. You tried to look away from his nude body(unlike Kokichi), but you couldn’t help it, and without your boyfriend knowing, you stared. And stared good.

He hummed blissfully as he punctually sunk into the tub filled with warm water. “Sigghhhhh, it’s so warm here… You know, if you don’t hurry up and come in, I might pee in the water.” He laughed at your panicked expression, “Nishishi! So, hurry it up, won’t cha?”

He rose his eyebrows at you suggestively, and you could notice his eyes glaze over your body excitedly as he wiggled in the tub as if he was aiming. His eyes that seemed to be eyeing over you like a piece of meat, made your whole body heat up alarmingly so as you rushed towards the bathroom, “Ouma! D-don’t you dare!”

[dreamsmp-au-ideas]

Eyo its glass au guy, the au where glass physics just doesnt apply to our birdbois, here to add to this literal fucking crack au because dear fuck i might run on angst alone but mAN WE ALL NEED A BREAK SOMETIMES

Anyways, have you ever noticed that technoblades windows are just trapdoors with holes? wELL--

I like to imagine that literally the only reason Technoblade found out about Philza's... condition, was wAAAAAAAAY back then, back when they were just two dudes that dont die and were just chillin. Techno was just probably out and about, hunting deer, drinking blood, staying at villages and deciding whether or not to slaughter everyone when he leaves, you know regular Technoblade stuff.

When he discovers the invention of glass. (Yes im making both of them that old and no you cannot stop me)

Techno's pretty fascinated by the art of glass making and ends up staying at the village a little longer than Philza and him expected and even ended up not slaughtering them.

He actually stayed so long in the village in fact, that Philza's wanderlust got the better of him and he kinda just-- left techno. Not without saying goodbye tho.

So now, philza's exploring the world while techno is mastering the art of glass making. The reason techno was so interested in the first place was because he saw the combat potential and the living improvement it could bring. And if the history books say something abt a pink haired pig hybrid helping a potion maker invent the splash potion well, technos not gonna say anything.

And as the years went by, techno proceeded to make hundreds, if not, thousands of glass creations from sculptures to weapons to containers and anything he could think of really. But those years of glass blowing and fire fanning really did a number on him. So much so that while taking a break in the middle of his creations, he drank a health pot to fix the itch in his lungs.

He coughs a little, waving away the smoke of the fire. Man, the wood he got today was smokier than usual huh? It never got so thick he couldn't see across the room but itll be fine, he knows where everything is anyways.

He finishes his latest project and airs out the room, to try and get rid of the smoke blocking his vision. But why is everything still so blurry? So he goes outside to get some fresh air.

And now he's fuckin worried because he pretty fuckin sure he didnt set the village on fire enough to cause such a crazy amount of smoke to block his vision. Because oh god, he cant see shit anymore.

So he panics. He pours a pot each to both his eyes and it got a little better because now he can see things a few meters away from him kind of okay but his eyes are still fucked up. Chat is still screaming and Techno, caught up in the panic and emotions of trying to deal with all this bullshit, tries to calm himself down by breaking his defective products. Now at least chat is a little satiated.

Philza, having visited his longtime and only friend, hears the sound of something shattering. It sounded like a clay pot but higher pitched for some reason. So he rushes to Techno, holding seemingly nothing but his hands covered in deep cuts.

Techno meanwhile, has finally calmed down and started to clean up and pick up all the shattered remains of his glass objects. And as he picks them up, he squints at them a little, trying in vain to see if his eyes are salvageable. But with each shard, that hope slowly dims and finally he accepts his handicap. Until the last few shards. Because one of them broke into a really large piece and for some reason, he... can kind of see through it??? Huh, maybe his defect pile wasnt as defective as he thought.

Philza comes back to him with a towel and a health pot (he puts them in clay containers shoosh he dont know glass exists okay) and asks whats wrong. Techno raises his head to reply when he realizes "oh sHIT PHILZA YOURE SITTING ON GLASS WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU OKAY"

And philza, the old bird man he is just kinda goes "huh??? Wat???? Glass???????" And Techno just kinda blindly pockets the glass he was looking at and pulls out a glass health pot of his own to tend to Philza's "wounds".

Philza kinda just stares because holy SHIT IS TECHNO A FUCKING POTION BENDER WHAT THE FUCK. Philza kinda just dazedly grabs the floating health mixture and his hands just pass through the liquid and his fingers are coated in potion.

And techno also staring because holy SHIT IS PHILZA A FUCKING GLASS BENDER CMON I SPENT LIKE-- 2 CENTURIES MASTERING THIS STUPID THING AND APPARENTLY PHILZA CAN JUST DO WHATEVER WITH IT WHAT THE FUCK.

And now they're just vibin on the floor with their heads blown. Oh yeah, techno invents eye glasses. The first two he makes are for himself and phil because "phil, do you not see the glass? You are literally just sitting on a pile of shards."

The glasses fitting was also kind of a train wreck since techno made rimless glasses and the glass just-- went straight through philzas eyes and shattered on the floor. When philza brings it up, techno vehemently denies screaming like an 8 year old and being torn in two because he didnt know whether or not he should worry over phil first or the thing he made for him.

Damn dis long. Lol oops

Pfft. Oh my god. This is hilarious. Absolutely hilarious. Just the both of them being confused with each other and oh my god.

[honeykawa]

Fly | Route: Tanaka Ryuunosuke

genre: mafia au, choose your own adventure

warnings: violence, suggestive themes but nothing graphic

word count: 3.1k

Fly Masterlist

“I choose him”

You looked at the man who had been standing in the corner of the room with his arms crossed

“Tanaka get your ass moving and take them home. Pick them up in the morning and take them home from now on. Make sure they dont run away or itll be on your head”

“Got it boss”

The car ride to your apartment was filled with silence and the soft sound of music coming from the radio

You were too nervous to say anything

The growing feeling of anxiety in your chest made it almost hard to breath

You started to unconsciously grab at the area above your chest and your breathing became irregular

‘How did i get into this mess?’ ‘whats going to happen to me?’

These thoughts keep rushing through your head

“--hey are you okay?”

Tanaka pulled the car over so he could stop and assess just what was happening

And from the way he saw it...it looked like an anxiety attack

His panicked a little himself watching you like this he didnt even want to imagine the feelings rushing through you right now

He got you to control your breathing again and come down from your panic

“You good now?”

You nodded your head, still weary about being near this man

He could tell you were still on your guard with the way you wrapped your arms around your body, as if you were trying to make yourself smaller

“I know it seems rough right now but i swear itll be okay”

His voice was soft with you, something you didnt expect from someone in the mafia

The car ride after that went pretty smooth

“We’re here”

The ride went faster than you thought it would and you got out of his car before saying your goodbyes

“Ill pick you up in the morning...if you need me heres my card”

He held out his card to you as you slowly took it from his hands

“See you”

And with that he sped off as you went inside your apartment to go to bed, hoping that maybe this had all been a dream

Once tanaka got back to his apartment he immediately plopped himself onto his bed and covered his eyes with his arm while thoughts of you plagued his mind

‘Cute’

His arm fell down to his side and he just stared at the ceiling

“Get your shit together tanaka. Your job is to watch them, nothing more”

He rolled over to his side with thoughts of you fading as he drifted into sleep

You woke up to the sound of light knocking on your door

And as soon as you opened the door it finally set in that last night really did happen

“Are you ready to go?”

Tanaka took one look at you and let out a deep sigh knowing that you werent

“Ill give you fifteen minutes”

You nodded your head as you ran back into your room and changed into something work appropriate

Wait where were you working? What would be considered work appropriate?

Based off of what tanaka was wearing you assumed something business casual

When you came out you looked at tanaka to see if this was good enough and he just nodded his head and started walking back towards his car, opening the door for you to get in

“I talked it over with daichi and youll be working with me as my assistant”

Your eyes widened and he immediately knew what went through your mind

“No not like that! Like with actual business stuff you wont really have to do anything with the mafia”

His flailing around made you laugh a bit and lifted a weight off of your shoulders

Listening to you laugh was almost relaxing, his cheeks heating up from the mere sight of your carefree smile

He gave you a quick tour of the place and introduced you to the others if you ran into them but that was about it

As his assistant you really didnt do much

If anything it felt like he was just an over glorified babysitter

But you shuffled through the files he gave you and sorted them the way he wanted

Tanaka watched you from the corner of his eye while you both worked

It wasnt that he was worried you would do it wrong

But it was just last night that you had that anxiety attack right in front of him

“y/n do you want to go out?”

You looked up from your papers and looked at him in confusion

“Right now? And what do you mean by ‘go out’?”

A big smile appeared on his face

“Yeah right now! Lets go! And dont think too much of it”

He stood up and grabbed his wallet

You followed him and as you two rounded the corner of the block he held the door open to a small cafe

“Go ahead and order whatever you want its on me”

You were weary about being here

Would you two get in trouble for leaving like that?

Tanaka could see the worry still lingering on your face and rose his hand to gently pat your head

“Like I said its on me so dont worry about leaving the office ill take any repercussions if there are any”

The grin on his face took a weight off of your chest and you felt like the air around you wasnt so thick anymore

After getting back to the office no one had even noticed that you two had even left

Whos running this place??

The next few weeks seemed to be fine

It was almost like you lived a normal life and you werent being watched by the mafia

You and tanaka had grown closer and it was easier to talk to the others now

He treated you kindly and tried to understand your situation

Unlike the two interns who always berated you for not knowing where certain files were or would roll their eyes when you would flinch at sudden movements the first few days

But tanaka took it slow with you, doing little things so that youd be more comfortable

At first it was subtle

If you needed to go make a copy of something he’d suddenly need to go grab something from the copy room with you even if you insisted that you could get it for him

Or how he always tried to include you in conversations with others so you would get more comfortable around everyone

Tanaka grew to be someone who it was easy for you to be around

But that sense of calmness was quickly wiped away when you joined him on one of his...excursions

“Heres the case. Now give us what we want”

Tanaka held the case in front of him while you just watched from the car

Sure, he’d take you with him but he’d never let you actually get out

He didnt really want this to take too long

Especially since it was just him against a good handful of men

But the men he was making the trade deal with suddenly saw you in move in the car and locked eyes with you

His smile sent a chill down your spine formed on his face

“New deal: give me that hot piece of ass in the car and you have a deal”

Tanakas jaw clenched at the the disgusting words just said about you

“Im sorry but,”

You couldnt see tanakas face until he looked up at the man in front of him

The look on his face utterly terrified you

“I’ll kill you if you even try to put a hand on them”

Everyone stood there unmoving, too scared to move

Tanaka turned around and headed back to the car where you were

“Deals off if that wasnt clear”

But one of the other men moved towards him

“The fuck you mean its off!”

Tanaka easily evaded the man’s advance and took him down with only a quick few movements

“Anyone else want to try”

The question was simple enough but no one dared made eye contact with him as he got into the car and drove off

The car ride was quiet, youd never seen tanaka look like that before

It scared you

He scared you

Tanaka noticed your silence and reached a hand out to pat your head but his chest went heavy at the sight of you flinching

“Y/n?”

You knew he wouldnt hurt you but you couldnt stop the slight tremble

“Im sorry tanaka”

A weak smile appeared on his face

“It’s fine y/n. i’ll take you home, okay?”

You just nod your head and neither of you talk the rest of the ride

A few days go by and you can feel the distance between you and tanaka growing

Its so noticeable that the others in the office can feel the awkwardness between the two of you

Tanaka suddenly stood up from his seat which startled you but he quickly rose his hands

“Woah sorry didnt mean to scare you”

He said it with such a sad smile on his face that it almost hurt to even look at him

“Ill be back in a moment, gotta use the bathroom”

You nodded your head as he left and let out a sigh

You knew he was just doing business

This was his job

It just shocked you to see the man thats been so kind to you to look...like that

Tanaka on the other hand knew this would happen eventually

He washed his face in the sink and looked up at his reflection

‘Remember your place. They deserve better’

He wiped off his face before heading back to his office only to see you not there

His heart just drop not seeing you there

“y/n?!”

He was about to bolt out of there but as soon as he turned around he bumped right into you

You fell onto the ground and the papers you were holding scattered around everywhere

You both just looked at each other for a moment

“Tanaka--”

Before you could say anymore he scooped you into his arms and you could feel the slight tremble in his shoulders before he quickly pulled away once he realized what he was doing

“Sorry y/n i dont know what came over me”

He started help to pick up the papers you dropped but before he could get too far you pulled him into a hug

He was frozen on the spot at feeling your touch

The warmth from your hands made his heart beat erratically

“Im sorry tanaka”

Your arms tightened around him

Youd seen so many sides of him

How clumsy he was

How kind he could be

Youve also seen how scary he could be and honestly it still shocked you

But you want to believe in him

The him thats been nothing but gentle with you

You could hear him let out a shaky breath before pulling you into his chest

After that your relationship with tanaka went back to normal

Or at least as normal as it could have been

Ever since that day youve started to notice how your heart speeds up whenever you look at him

Or the butterflies in your stomach when he smiles at you

He was careful to not let you see the mafia side of things anymore

You appreciate the thought but youd be lying if you said it didnt worry you when he came to work bandaged or bruised

Today was one of those days where tanaka had picked you up with some visible injuries

The cut on his face looked fairly fresh and without realizing it you reached up and gently ran your thumb over it

“Um what are you doing y/n”

Not that tanaka hated this

He felt his heart flutter at your touch

“You know, i dont mind helping you if you need it”

He smiled and took your hand off of his face

“Thank you y/n but im fine”

Just knowing that you cared was enough for him

‘I love you’

They were words he couldnt say

But he knew this life wasnt for you and he couldnt force you to come live in it

A few weeks go by and you feel like every time you get close to him he pulls back to just keep it barely within the realm of just friends

But that was fine as long as you could stay near

It was another one of those days where tanaka was off doing mafia business so noya kept you company

He always had his guard up but he seemed to take a liking to you

“Do you like tanaka”

The question caught you so off guard you dropped your pen

You looked up at him

“Is it that obvious?”

Noya kept working on whatever was in front of him not even sparing you a glance

“Painfully”

You could feel your embarrassment rising

“But if it makes you feel any better i think he likes you too so promise me...make him happy”

Before you could say anything back noyas phone went off and he immediately answered

His eyes went wide and his head whipped towards you before hanging up and dragging you somewhere

“Noya! Where are we going?”

He rushed you into a car and he took the wheel before driving off to who knows where

“Where are we?”

He got out of the car and opened your door

You were at an apartment complex from the look of it

“We’re at tanakas apartment hurry up”

You immediately got out and followed after him and you almost felt your legs give out seeing the state tanaka was in

Bloody and battered

Hinata was sitting next to his bed with his arms crossed

“Idiot rushed in despite not having a gun”

Noya rolled his eyes

“You know he doesnt like carrying one whyd you let him go alone?”

“Not my fault he didnt stop to think”

They kept talking to each other and went into the other room leaving you both alone

His breathing seemed stable as he slept but tears escaped your eyes as you took a seat next to him

Noya left you with tanaka and told you to take care of him

“He’ll try to tell you hes okay. Dont listen to him hes a fucking liar so take good care of him for me”

It was funny but it almost sounded like a goodbye

Tanaka woke up later that night only to see you sitting next to him with tear stains on your cheeks

The thought of you shedding tears because of him both hurt and warmed his heart

He reached up to wipe your face despite the pain he felt

Your cheeks fit perfectly within his hand and he found it cute how you leaned into his touch subconsciously

He couldnt move much but this is all he needed

You woke up before he did that next morning and decided to make some breakfast for the both of you

When you came back in he was just waking up

“Good morning tanaka”

The smile on your face as the sunlight trickled in through the window made him feel at ease

This...this was the life he longed for

“Morning”

He tried to sit up but flinched while doing so

You rushed to his side and set the food down before helping him up

“Dont push yourself. Youre still pretty banged up”

You changed his bandages for him every evening after that

“I can do this myself you know”

He said it with a light laugh

He was starting to get back on his feet and regained most of his movement and strength

“I know but...id like it if you would rely on me just a bit more. I know i cant do much but i can do this”

He didnt say anything back to you after that

In all honesty he didnt want to do it himself

Every time your hand even brushed over his skin it felt like he was on fire

Even the scars that have long since healed throbbed at your touch

His heart beat so hard against his chest that he was afraid that you could hear it

“There all done! Hope that wasnt too bad”

‘Dont smile at me’

‘Youre far too precious’

‘I dont know what ill do if you look at me like that’

He really was planning to let you go, he was fine with just keeping you at an arms length away but now he knew he was in too deep

You got up to put the first aid kit away but he quickly pulled you into his bed with him and he held you tight against his chest

His face was buried into the crook of your neck

He didnt know what he wanted anymore

He wanted to keep you safe but he couldnt guarantee that with him being in the mafia

He hated it

This life wasnt the one he wanted anymore

The life he wanted was with you

Slowly, he rose his head to look at you

“Run away with me y/n”

Your eyes widened in pure shock

“What...what did you just say?”

You couldnt believe what he just said

His eyes were serious though

“Run away with me. I dont want this life anymore. I want to give you the life you deserve. One filled with happiness and laughter where you dont have to worry about things like if ill come home the next day or not. One where you arent targeted. I love you y/n. I love you so much so please, run away with me or so help me god ill just take you”

He held you so tight that it felt like he might break at any sudden movement

You wrapped your arms around him and held him gently against you so you wouldnt hurt any of his wounds

“Then take me away”

That was all tanaka needed to let go of any reservations that were holding him back up

He kissed you with everything hes been bottling up until this moment

Your lungs burned as pulled away, both out of breath but hungry for more

“I hope you know Im not letting you go. Youre stuck with me now”

You laughed and kissed his forehead

“I wouldnt have it any other way”

That night was spent in each others arms, both of you longing for the others touch and neither of you wanting to be apart for even a second

Noya visited the apartment a few days later only to be met with complete silence

A knowing smile appeared on his face as he shook his head

He knew wherever you two were you were both happy

Because he knew you would keep your promise to him

[happys-crazy-queen22]

Tough As Nails

Gif credit @haileyupstead

Requested by anon. Thanks for the request

Hope you enjoy it.

Tag list @nocturnalherb16. @jesseswartzwelder.

"That was one hell of a shot". A officer came up from behind and smacked your shoulder, praising you for your kill on the suspect.

"Thanks". You quickly said going to your car. Jay waited for you.

"You sure you're not hurt"? Jay asked for the hundredth time. "He was just shooting bullets everywhere".

"I'm fine. Hungry but fine. You want to get something to eat"?

"Yeah". He huffed getting into the car. You followed with a slight wince getting into the car.

"Where to"? You asked.

"Our usual, duh". He laughed. You started the car and drove to the cafe that you ate lunch at everyday with Jay.

"What can I get you two"? The waitress asked, popping her gum.

"I'll take a burger with fries and a chocolate milk shake"? You replied giving her the menu back.

"And you"? She looked at Jay, batting her eyelashes.

"Meatloaf with mac n cheese and green beans". He told her. 

"Alright. Itll be out in a minute". She said with a smile.

"You aren't going to dip your fries in your milkshake again, are you"? Jay asked with disgust.

"Uh, yes. It's freaking delicious. You should try it".

"No. It's gross and you should stop it. I'd like to keep my food down". Jay chuckled.

"Whateves. I'm going to the bathroom. Save seat".

"Always". He smiled as you got up from the booth.

You headed towards the bathroom just when your head started getting dizzy. Shaking it off you walked into the ladies. Going to the mirror. Your back was killing you. You figured it was from the kickback from the rifle. But it hurt every time you moved your right arm. Then again you weren't use to the gun so you just brushed it off and went to the bathroom.

Meanwhile the food had arrived and Jay sat patiently waiting for you.  He didnt think it would take you this long to pee.

"Excuse me? Have you seen the girl I was with"? He asked the waitress as she walked by.

"I seen her round the corner to the bathroom but havent seen her come out". She said cleaning up the table in front of Jay.

"Okay". Jay was beginning to get worried.

"Oh darn". She huffed as she dropped a cup on the floor.

"Let me get that". Jay kneeled down and picked up the cup. He noticed the trail of blood heading towards the bathroom.

"Are you bleeding"? He asked the waitress as he handed her the cup.

"I dont think so". She looked at her arms.

"Call an ambulance". He told her running to the bathroom.

She gasped and hurried along.

"Y/N? Y/N"? Jay pushed the door open, the bathroom was empty except the puddle of blood at the sink. Jay opened each stall one by one until he got to the droplets of blood at the last door.

He pulled it open and saw you hunched over on the floor. Your hand was covered in blood and a puddle was starting to form.

"Y/N, stay with me". He picked you up bridal style and ran to the front of the dinner.

"The ambulance is on its way". The waitress said coming towards Jay. Stopping in her tracks.

"Give me some towles". Jay ordered. He took your jacket off and saw where the blood was coming from. You had a through and through in your shoulder. The suspect shot you before you took him out.

"I knew something was wrong". You could hear Jay's voice faintly as you came in and out of  consciousness.

Jay applied pressure to the wounds just in time. The paramedics hustled in taking over. Jay stood back watching them load you up. Your color was gone and your body limp.

"You riding"? One of the paramedics asked Jay, bring him out of his state.

"Yes". He followed them out and jumped into the ambulance. He held your cold hand the whole ride there. Not wanting to let you go.

Jay called the others when he got there. They took you straight back to surgery. He was nervous you weren't going to make it.

"She's strong man, stronger than any of us". Alvin said to Jay trying to keep him confident about your condition.

"I know. Tough as nails". Jay chuckled, chewing on the corner of his cheek. Fighting back tears.

"Yeah she is". Adam sniffled squeezing Jay's shoulder.

"Jay"? Will came up from the side of the waiting room.

"Is she okay"? Jay sprinted up to Will.

"She's going to be fine. Y/Ns shoulder is shattered into pieces. So I had to extract those pieces. Shes going to be in alot of pain for a couple months. She lost a good amount of blood but we got her taken care of. She's going to make it". Will reassured Jay. 

"Thanks". Jay sighed a sigh of relief.

"No problem. You can see her now if you want. Just take it slow".

Jay turned to Alvin and Adam. "Shes okay". 

"That's great". Alvin smiled.

"Will said I can go see her but first Adam can you do something for me"?

"Anything".

Jay told Adam what he needed and he was off. Jay walked to down the hall and stopped at your door. You were sleeping peacefully. He didn't want to disturb you so he waited by the door for Adam. It took him a whole ten minutes to get what he needed and back to the hospital.

"Got what you wanted"? Adam said running down the hall.

"Thanks". Jay took the stuff from Adam and walked into the room. Sitting the stuff on the tray and taking a seat beside you. He watched you sleep. Which when you woke up was kinda frightening and creepy.

"You're freaking me out. Stop staring". You chuckled then groaned.

"How you holding up"?

"I'm fine. I dont know why I'm here".

"You were shot. How did you not know that"?

"The adrenaline running. I was pumped. Didnt feel anything until I got to the car and that was just a ache. Thought it was the kickback from the gun".

"Well it wasn't. You could have died".

"Jay, calm down. I'm okay now".

"I know. Here I got you something". He pushed the tray over to you. The sat a chocolate milkshake and fries.

"Aww, you got me my favorites". You sat up in the bed with a hiss.

"Yeah since you didnt get to eat yours".

"You going to try it? For me"? You gave him the puppy dog eyes.

"Fine. But it's going to be nasty". Jay groaned taking a fry and dipping it into the milk shake. Putting it to his lips and taking a bite.

"Mmm. That's actually pretty good". He mumbled.

"I told you. When have I ever been wrong"?

Jay eyed you with a laugh. "All the time. Like now for instance".

"Oh stop living in the past, Jay. Let's look to the future".

"Alright then".

Jay held up a fry and so did you. "Cheers to the future of being the best stubborn hard headed partner".

"Cheers". You laughed, Jay snickered shaking his head.

[etherealskeletons]

i hate that since i had a pinched nerve my back is jus not the way it use to be

my chiropractor said id have good and bad days and that itll take time for it to go back to normal but i jus,, i hate that - i hate that i have bad days, i hate how somedays i can walk around for miles and be fine and other days everything hurts and it jus shoots down my legs making standing and walking painful and sometimes even laying down or sitting hurts so i have to sit or lay down stupid and at weird angles so i can be comfey nd sometimes even going to the bathroom hurts my back i m jus hghh;;;

ts frustrating!!! i hate when people go ohh youre too young to have back problems and i feel like im letting everyone down bc some days i cant really do as much as i normally can, and my therapist wants me to go out more and do more stuff to be less of a shut in and im not oppose to it like id like to go volunteer at the animal shelter but my lower back and legs,,, and then i feel bad bc im not doing ‘my homework’ which is go do smth productive outside the house and do stuff alone for jus a couple hours a day so you can be less anxious and eventually be a part of society

the big thing was volunteering but i feel like i cant do much of anything now bc of my lower back/legs and im jus!! frustrated,, i dont wanna do it only to overdo it and i dont wanna flake and let everyone down bc my problems and i dont wanna pass out again [ESP IN PUBLIC,, thats jus,, horrifying;;;] from overdoing it. and explaining it is embarrassing bc its normally followed with smth like ohh ur so young u shouldnt be THIS fucked up [even tho ive been doing heavy lifting since i was like 8 so,, :^) was prolly inevitable that this would happen] i dont wanna disappoint my therapist or anyone im jus hghh;;;

it prolly doesnt help my back that my cousins husband is like okay!! lets work!! and their work is normally so fuckin intense and heavy lifting and they want it done fast like done YESTERDAY and its always during extreme sun and bug hour so its hot im sweating and these black flies are everywhere biting and going in my eyes and mouth. im not oppose to helping but its a lil tiring doing it nearly every day and id rather work with my cousin than peter bc he makes work miserable he micromanages everything and angrily sighs and is so passive aggressive like WELL I WOULDNT DO IT LIKE THAT like dude stfu im getting it done jus work on ur own shit!! working with my cousin is nicer bc its not an everyday thing and we can take breaks and theres no huge rush to get EVERYTHING done and she doesnt micromanage shes like “whatever works for u man id jus like it done sometime today if possible” like ty,, ill do my b est;;

i think i made my back worse by working for days & hours straight with little to no breaks with my dad and cousin, and we did it so peter could be surprised that we made the outside look ~so pretty~ bc hes been bitching about how the yard looks like shit so my cousin is bending over backwards to try and please his majesty so he can stop being such a fucking bitch to us

its a big ass property,, it felt never ending my god. we rake and leafblow and move heavy ass lumber and pallets and some building material thats jus been sitting out there rotting/warping for god only knows how much. we moved fuckin heavy ass packets of shingles and my cousin is so fuckin DUMB theyre heavy as hell and were struggling to even put it in the wheelbarrow its so heavy, and shes like “what if we dont use the wheelbarrow and jus carry them to the pallet in the garage? wouldnt that be easier than lifitng them in here and wheeling it?? ts only a couple feet i mean,, itd be faster we can carry two of em at the same time like were wheeling two of them rn-” im like girl ill LITERALLY die if we do that!! no!! its heavy as fuck and i keep almost dropping it picking it up from the ground and from the wheelbarrow - im not walking the 15 feet to move it!! [i dont understand the mindset of work stupid fast and harder and in ways that could injure yourself like??? dude i only have one body pLES stop trying to fuck it up even more its already at the limits i swear-]

ofc bc peters a mega-karen too!!! he was upset and bitched to my cousin in private that he wouldnt have done it the way we all did it and its like WO!W!! GO TO HELL!!! i get that youre hurting and upset that you cant do as much bc of your shoulder and ankle [but you do it anyway when u aint suppose to and then bitch and complain that ur body is falling apart] but dont take it out on us its so stupid i hate him!!!! im hurting too bitch but im trying not to take it out on everyone bc they dont deserve to be as miserable as i am

hghfdsbj im jus!! i hate feeling so shitty i wanna do more stuff i wanna go out more bc the weather is finally nice and i wanna get outta the house, but ifeel like i cant and its upsetting that my body isnt working properly i hate it i hate it sm

[osdd-1bitch]

// partly a vent? but also if you have any type of advice as to what i can do pls say,, gotta be honest im still INSANELY fucked on if im a system or not :( for a while i was dead set on it but i ended up just not saying anything to my therapist and fell back into that "ok no thats not me, im just a really vivid daydreamer" mindset.

then your blog auto-popped up as i was typing and i clicked it and im back to that "maybe" thing. im just so conflicted rn ughhh goddamnit :( ive been having an extremely stressful past few weeks (no specifics but alot of my trauma resurfaced, alot of shit triggered me, similar traumatic situations etc) and i missed both of my therapy sessions the past 2 weeks, so ive kinda reverted back to being dependant on alters who im not even sure are alters or not. and even THEN im not sure how to bring up to my therapist that i think i may have OSDD or DID?? like idk how im gonna come back after 2 weeks and say "hey btw all this traumatic shit came back up and i think i might be a system bc i talk to people in my head who arent me lol but anyways can i use ur fidget cube?" ??? SO much has happened and im really debating on just pushing down that it might be osdd/did and pretending nothing is wrong for the sake of keeping myself mentally stable yk ?? gotta say i just dont know what to do at all. lets also not forget im 13 and shouldnt even have to deal w this much stress EVER but dfghgtf. im just really struggling to tell if this is my maladaptive daydreaming or DID man :(

MaDD and plurality are weird to work w, especially since MaDD can and often is be caused by trauma and there are some expressions of MaDD that one could put on the plural spectrum. Its mucky either way and can suck to deal with

before i continue, id like to say our experience on therapy has...not been great so ill refrain from giving therapy specific advice for fear of our past experiences clouding our judgement, but you can share the trauma bits and get some help without talking about plurality. the rings system did some videos that might help about talking to a therapist,red flags ect, lovely folks, you should give em a watch if you havent. either way id say you prolly shouldnt bring this up yet, but info is also good in general

and also, some personal advice, be very very careful on the internet, especially social medias at your age. we were in your shoes once and it did fck us up quite a bit

either way, i seriously doubt youll be taken seriously, not in a bad way, full grown adults struggle to get help. and stressing about specifics can just lead to, you guessed it! more stress. its totally fine to drop all lables and just exist for a while and try and do whatever, talking w sysmates or daydreaming whatever, you dont have to name these experiences for now, just live them. doubt is weird, and youll almost def be wout dxing for a few years either way.

just live your life, try not to bring up trauma wout professionals, and be very safe on the internet, and preferably get off tumblr and move somewhere safer, its really not a place for people your age. i know you probably wont listen to that bit much, but at least be extra super safe.

self dxing can take years btw. its not really a matter of weeks, lived experience and analyzing yourself and just questioning takes a lot of time. take it slow

and its totally fine if its not did. or madd. or either. dont stress, dont try and conform yourself to dxes and stuff rn, especially since you are both v young and just started questioning. im not saying your age means you shouldnt, if you have did you have it rn, but things can take time to come to light. just b honest w yourself and open to the options, mkay? self dxing is a lot of research on top of the work. if you started questiong round now tbh many systems if they questions at your age would get a dx or self dx at like 15,16,17 ect ect, and thats if they question. do what helps you and talk to your therapist, you dont have to mention did but talk about questioning disorders and junk.

this sorta age is when figuring yourself out rlly starts to happen yknow? that doesnt mean you should be cornered off n stuff, n kept away from dxes, but it also means you should be very careful n research a ton. if you find smth you resonate w it, keeping it in the maybe pile for a year or two can seem like its a long time, but will help a ton in the end, if its true or not. if its stressing you out a ton, its okay to not think about it for a bit, you have time.

and again, please please please try and get off social medias they can mess w your head a lot, and try not to share your age online again. im torn abt publishing this n may delete this ask n repost the response, but im not sure

tldr:

i dont wanna tell you to not question or identify symptoms, but things change a lot n you are just dipping your toes into life. take things slow and sit on them, thats the best advice given to us at your age. you could be absolutely right, you could be confused, you could be dead wrong, and all of these are okay. just keep yourself open, research and rlly think abt it (like months of thinking abt it) before it can age properly in the maybe bin. and also be safe online, dont share your age and stuff n keep off toxic n inapropriate sites like this best you can. options are open and symptoms can change over time. just exist and take note of things. dont stress over lables, n self dx should stay in the possibly-maybe bin for now, itll be worth the wait

[muwur]

do u think u could write something fluffy for atsumu? :D (if not, bc he just showed up in the anime, futakuchi?) nd they/them pronouns pls :3 ty ty!!!

dating headcanons

✧ hc’s ✧ for atsumu and futakuchi

❧ gn reader

✎ 1.6k words

a/n: oml my first request fgrinffej thank u anon <3 been doing sum ~research~ and brainstorming snaccing and i hope this is okay ! >:) for u i shall do both ppl hehe. feel free to lmk if you would like me to redo or add anything, i wanna do my requests justice :*)

also i find myself gettin inspo at 4 am ofhfuohf i hope this is a bit fluffy, tho its a bit playful n snarky as well fnoggrefjf. also this took me so long bc i literaly got this whole other idea LMAOOOO but i find it more suitable as a separate piece so be on the lookout for that (nudge nudge itll feature atsumu ;) i got a bit carried away AAHA). here u goo

atsumu

✧ boi’s a tease

✧ on days he stays really late to practice so like?? most days LOL  you drop by a nearby eatery and pick up some fatty tuna (or something else, you like to change it up sometimes even if fatty tuna is his fave)  for him to munch on (gotta replenish your body!!)

✧ even though it’s for him, he’ll make you share the food with him as you both sit on a field nearby the gym

✧ likes to feed you but exaggerates it just to mess with you

✧ “say ahh, y/n” he coos with a smirk when he holds out some food from his chopsticks

✧ and just to mess with him back, you close your mouth around the piece, taking it from the chopsticks slowly and never breaking eye contact with him until after you chew and swallow

✧ “ah, that was delicious, honey” you smile cheekily

✧ rip atsumu, he malfuncc inside

✧ however

✧ fights you for the last piece of any food or snack you’re sharing

✧ “why even offer sharing if you’re just gonna hog it all”

✧ “you were just slower than me, that’s not my problem”

✧ in the end, he would definitely just let you have it. Only fights you when hes bored and wants to provoke you, which is often

✧ pretty affectionate in public. likes to ruffle your hair or place a head on your hand, no matter what height you are

✧ especially likes to do this when you’re annoyed at him, which kinda makes it not cute anymore and you just wanna punch him in the face

✧ as annoying as he could be tho you had to admit that your bickering could be quite fun he was definitely a caring partner

✧ is quick to take notice how youre feeling, liek:

✧  “hey, are you feeling okay?”

✧ “yeah im fine, why?”

✧ “you know you dont have to lie, right? you cant hide these things, anyways, i can just tell if something’s up. what’s wrong, babe?”

✧ pulls you aside to talk things out a little, then offers to spend some time together after practice  

✧ squeezes your hand as he walks you home, plants a soft kiss to your forehead before parting ways, and says goodnight

✧ he also notices any changes, no matter how small, in your appearances:

✧ *scrutinizing you* “what do you want, atsumu?”

✧ “did you do something different today? maybe like with your hair or uniform or something?”

✧ “o-oh, yeah, i did.”

✧ “hm. it really suits you, actually.”

✧ “oh, thanks. it’s such a small change, i didnt think anyone would notice--”

✧  “dont get too ahead of yourself, i didnt say it looked nice-- im kidding, im kidding!” he has to say in order to defend himself from your piercing glare

✧ lowkey highkey cant go long without seeing you

✧ so when he finally gets to spend some time with you, he’s even more touchy than usual

✧ you eye him suspiciously before saying, “you’re acting like you missed me or something”

✧  “yeah, i did miss you. something wrong with that?” he asks, burying his face in your neck as he hugs you from behind

✧ “yes, because its been two days”

✧ expect lots of kisses and hugs, though. mans is deprived and he gets what he wants (with consent, of course)

✧ makes sure everyone knows he’s there to stand up for you if necessary, which can be pretty intimidating

✧ loves it when you fall asleep on his shoulder. will take selfies with your sleeping face and show you later

✧  “you look cute even when you’re drooling all over my arm”

✧ doesn’t talk about how he sniffed or kissed your head when you were asleep. definitely doesn’t admit how he was whispering about how lucky he was to be in love with you asdfghjk

✧ was the first to admit he loved you

✧ it occurred after his team won a game to qualify for nationals. excitedly, you raced your way to meet him and tackled him in a hug. who cares if he was sweaty. “i knew you guys would win, and im so proud, atsumu.”

✧ he stumbled a bit and hugged back. he pulled away shortly to look you in the eye

✧  “y/n, i love you.”

✧ and all you could do was blush before he pulled you into a soft, yet passionate kiss

✧ surrounded by like. literally everyone lol

✧ osamu just fake gags in the background

✧ later that day:

✧  “sooooo do I get a reward for winning ? ;)”

✧  “dont push your luck”

✧ but you do spend the night just chilling at his place, watching a movie and cuddling, unwinding from a long day

futakuchi

✧ you met each other in class, bonding over how bored and sleepy you both were

✧ one day he started passing you notes and you went with along it until this class’s purpose in y’alls lives was just for goofing off and totally not to see each other’s smiles or be a bit flirty

✧ loves to mess around with you, but also thinks highly of you

✧ shortly after you started dating and met the boy’s volleyball team, moniwa asks you to please keep futakuchi in line

✧  “babe, please, you’re driving your seniors crazy”

✧ but ever since he became captain, you could sense that futakuchi seemed more responsible

✧ but poor bby was also wayyyy more tired than usual

✧ you poked his back with your pencil whenever you found him dozing off in class, just in time before he risked getting caught by the teacher

✧ you also nagged him about getting more rest and maintaining his health, doing things to help him out until he gave in and made a better attempt at taking care of himself

✧ unless you have other activities going on, you’d usually come by the gym to watch practice and then walk home with futakuchi

✧ you always bring him and his team snacks. they all love you, especially koganegawa

✧ “how are you and y/n dating, they’re so much nicer than futaku--”

✧ cant even finish his sentence before the captain smacks his head and poor kogane chokes on his snacc

✧ but les be real you also go to admire your manz

✧ on the walk home one day:

✧  “you hit a really good spike today”

✧ sheepishly scratches the back of his head, “oh, thanks. kogane’s sets are improving, so it’s getting easier to hit the ball”

✧ secretly loves and craves your praise

✧ futakuchi’s pretty down for pda. you two can often be seen walking down the aisles, hand in hand

✧ will also give you lots of pecks, especially on your cheeks and lips

✧ he also insists on helping you carry your things

✧ wants you to rely on him

✧ saw you shivering once and took his jacket off, draping it around you like nbd

✧ lets just say he wishes he coulda thought of that sooner dhqnwxhgergk  youre not allowed to look this cute

✧ but now you literally keep half his closet in your house cuz he always tells you to return it whenever you want

✧ could go on dates anywhere and literally have such a good time. the night market? y’all will share foods and play games the whole time. the park? he could go for a nice, relaxing walk, or if it’s at night, he’d love to lie in the grass and admire the night sky with you (as long as you hold hands lol). at home? would totally binge some shows or movies with you, has sour gummies n a blanket ready to share hog

✧ can be a tease, but will protect you at all costs

✧ glares at anyone who looks at you with interest (boi gets jealous)

✧ had to pull you into his arms and give you a kiss to save you from getting hit on by someone from a rival school. “hey babe, i’ve been looking for you. let’s head back, everyone’s waiting.”

✧ you happily follow him, not noticing how futakuchi looks back at his now sworn-enemy and sticks his tongue out at them

✧ he will fIGHT anyone who hurts you, is very overprotective to say the least

✧ always makes sure he knows where you’re at, starts to worry a bit if you’ve gone mia

✧ got reallly worried one time when he called you like 5 times and you didnt pick up!

✧ 20 minutes later his phone rings and he picks it up immediately. “hello? y/n? are you okay?? you haven’t been answering me for a while.”

✧  “ahh, yes, im sorry about that, my phone died :P”

✧ thinks the best cuddles are the ones in which you both end up falling asleep. also likes to admire your sleeping face totes not a creeper

✧ also loveloveloves to snuggle you from behind and bury his face in your neck and loves to just smELL you

✧ you told him you loved him first

✧ you were having a rough day when you heard a knock on your door

✧ opening it, you found a futakuchi giving you a small smile and carrying a plastic bag full of goodies. “i, uh, didn’t want you to be alone, so i thought we could hang out for a bit? just us two, your favorite snacks, and whatever else you want to do”

✧ touched by his gesture, you pulled him in by his jacket’s collar and gave him a long kiss

✧ after separating, you looked into his eyes as you cupped his face gently. “thank you, kenji. i love you. this means a lot to me”

✧ ejiufnicenjfdhksujsk he nearly melted in place

✧ later tries playing the pocky game with you, but then y’all forget about the pocky after your first round and stick to the smooching