#ill try not too but yk
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this is my joe alwyn and taylor swift breakup <- joking but its smth thats genuinely hugely big and awful for me i feel
#life events that feel so upsetting and devastating you reach out to your goddamm mother for support#whatever man. its not over its fine itll be okay.#my mothers actually being really kind and supportive btw#its crazy im like. not going full out being open with her after all the shit shes put me through#but i think shes getting better and i just need a mother right now#ill take one thats not perfect and has hurt me deeply before if shell be kind to me right now#becuase shes the only one i have. idk#and idk. its just crazy this is just insane. things might get better one day though i hope#and go back to more how they used to be but for right now theyre just not meant to be ig. and that hurts#idk. also sorry if ur my friend and dont know much what im talking abt ill talk abt it to you soon its just a lot rn#i feel so much i just want to stay in bed#ill try not too but yk#whatever man#flappy rambles#lifes crazyy nothing works how you hope it will but you just have to keep trying#and waking up each day
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i love watching ofmd over and over again because every two minutes i'll hear a line and be like ohhh that's where that thing i say every day is from
#seriously when something pops into my brain ill just assume its from ofmd#i once took an entire day to figure out that “hello? anybody home?” in the funniest german sounding accent was actually from ofmd ep 6#yk when the dutch come onto the revenge#but sometimes its from j&w or good omens and the thing is most of the things i quote are from bertie azi or stede#who all talk very similarly#anyway. trying to figure out where “thats the spirit” in a very particular voice is from its been on my mind for two days#probably ofmd until proven otherwise#our flag means death#ofmd#NOOO NOOO I HAVE IT ITS YONDERLAND JESUS CHRIST#that took me way too long#dont know what exact scene or character tbh but i know its mat#good lord#(its from the very first episode i think. i found it in one of my edits. and its elf in debbies flat)
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Cringetober Prompt 9 Childhood Video Game
I FINKSHED THIS YESTERDAY BUT FELL ASLEEP SO TECHNICALLY NOT LATE
#cringetober 2024#cringetober#fnaf fanart#fnaf#freddy fazbear#pokemon#pokemon fanart#lunala#pokemon sun and moon#sonic fanart#miles tails prower#sally face#sally face fanart#yandere sim fan art#yandere simulator#ayano aishi#undertale#undertale fanart#frisk undertale#bendy and the ink machine#alice angel#this is by far the mkst ive drawn ever#i HATE how Ayano looks but im trying to not forgive but forget yk#This one took forever but I knew I HAD to do it for my childhoods sake#but these games are literally the reason I am how I am specifically Fnaf#anyways despite how tired i am there shall be TWO posts today cause this prompt and the ACTUAL one for today are too good to pass up on#ok ill shut up now
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what is your favorite thing about charles and your favorite thing about erik? separately, as in what you like most about their characters :]
a devious question this one is, my friend!!! it's hard enough for me to explain my thoughts cohesively, but having to pick ONE thing i particularly love is difficult. with characters like charles and erik, theres been so much done with their characters over the decades and so they have so many components to them that make them so interesting and fun to observe. BUT I TRY FOR YOU TODAY. under the cut i kinda ramble and the size of this text box makin me anxious
i think if i were to be simple and broad, what i enjoy most about charles is his determination to help others, even if he isn't really thanked and/or if people don't even like him. ofc, this isn't to say he hasn't done wrong- to be honest, the fact he does wrong/questionable things at times is another aspect of him i really enjoy, maybe because- broadly speaking- he's meant to be altruistic (intent vs outcome and all that). i don't know if that's super exciting to most people, but it is for me
as for erik, my reason for liking him is easier to explain tbh. To Be Simple And Broad, his progression from villain to antihero over the decades has been fun to observe (as much as i have so far anyhow) and analyze. i think to be a bit more specific, him using his rage and pain as justifications for his villainous actions is definitely what compels me the most: hurt people hurt and the sort, an idea i've always found interesting (something something vicious cycles and the like). yet now, he recognizes this wasn't really. A Just Thing To Do and is beginning to change that, which i enjoy
#snap chats#may you forgive me anon i always feel awkward explaining things AVELKJEAKLJ#i feel esp awkward cause i haven't read toooo much of the comics yet- like ive read. an ok amount so far krakoa wise#can you guys tell im fighting god himself to Not write a fuckin. NOVEL#im so sorry i have an over-explaining problem my mom was mean to me growing up but anyways#i definitely want to read more and more outside krakoa. the more i read the more im fascinated by these two and their history#but to continue my prattling. as if the three paragraphs above arent enough This Is Not A Thesis RELAX#i think a. 'poignant' moment i think adds to what i like about charles too is that soliloquy where he recognizes people dont like him#yet he could always be worse- like if he's bad now to others imagine if he really just said Fuck It All#it's simple but so am i whaddyagonnadoboutit. i mean that point itself could be discussed but i'm trying to keep this brief bear with me#i so bad want to know what issue that's from tho all i know is that it's from krakoa but i neeeed the whole context#i think like. an additional bullet point to charles i also like is his loneliness#and i say this cause- I Say From My Amateur-Psychology Armchair- it's a component of why he's so earnest to help#but im keeping this point in the tags until i can confidently verify that with myself after some more reading#Unfortunately a favorite pass time of mine is psychoanalyzing characters like why else you think i major in psychology smh#im going to force myself to cap the post here because i ended up typing like 20 more tags just rambling#and as i said id like to keep this simple and clean !!!!! i have sat here for like four hours answering this ngl#ignore the fact half that time was spent getting distracted by solitaire and riffling cards ok I Am Very Easily Distracted#but fr when it comes to charles and erik- charles esp imo#i feel like i need to write a whole paper just so i can mention the nuances of the characters and like. EVERYTHING#because again six decades is A Lot of time for writing decisions to be made and for their characters to change over time#im a glazer but i wanna be a nuanced glazer yk. is that glazing at that point-- w/e anyway#its a lot. so today you will have to tolerate a very Blah answer from me which i must apologize for#down the line once ive read a comfortable amount more varying from multiple eras maybe ill revisit this question more in depth#as of right now tho .... chat i wanna get legion of x so bad i skimmed it and hhhhhhhhim gonna throw UP#i need to shake charles like a ragdoll BUT ANYWAY. bye bye for now lovelies !!!!!!!#please forgive me if i didnt answer your question efficiently ..#here i am saying i wanted to keep the tag count brief and yet !!! jesus christ. shut up My God I REACHED THE TAG LIMIT
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hm ok so for a while i was thinking that Wally, for the most part, only perceives reality as "Home", the neighborhood. that's his entire world, it's all he knows
but then i slapped myself and went wait. the Live Interview. Wally has been outside of Home, and has interacted with humans (presuming that the interview did actually happen, of course). and through Wally's interactions - or rather, attempt at interactions with Us, the QA, and the WHRP, it can be strongly assumed that he knows that there's an Elsewhere. there are places outside of Home. maybe he doesn't quite understand that there's another reality of sorts, but there's no way he's unaware that there's more than just the neighborhood out there
(and then of course there's the fact that Clown has said that humans are deeply involved (not a direct quote, im paraphrasing) in Welcome Home. maybe Wally interacted with them / regularly interacted with them. there could have been an adjustment period after he gained consciousness where humans helped him learn how to walk/talk/fine motor skills - this could be why he has such a seemingly inherent / desperate trust in Us & the WHRP & the QA... humans made him and cared for him. it's possible he could view them as a sort of higher power to trust & have faith in
& maybe he's been off-set or could go off-set. i mean, the houses' rooms were all different sets - the buildings themselves were empty husks, right? who's to say Wally wouldn't physically walk to the individual set pieces whenever he went over to someone's house (but then that leads me into speculation on how the puppets' consciousness works and how multiple copies of them could co-exist and wondering which is the - im getting off track. but there's all of that and then the two part "you're okay!" art pieces of Wally & Eddie, which are technically canon - dont quote me on that - and that's Another ramble/theory post i could go on about & have strong feelings on. Anyway!)
"but wait," i hear someone protest, "what about Barnaby? he was in the Live Interview too"
but was he? was he really? was that Barnaby, or was that a person in a suit playing the character Barnaby B. Beagle? i mean, if it was Barnaby, there had to be some memory fuckery going on that prevented him from either fully comprehending/realizing the situation, or just made him forget as soon as it was over.
and actually wait, Wally has to be aware of the reality discrepancy. because it was certainly him in the Interview as himself. He had to have understood on some level that either that wasn't really Barnaby, or that Barnaby wouldn't remember the interview.
(there's a connection in my head between all of this & how he would view an apple pie. "it isn't the same anymore. something's different". but i can't pin it down for the life of me.)
and with the Talking Telephone calls, Wally explicitly tells Us that he's not going to tell anyone who was behind the calls. i remember listening to the "original" prank call audio tests, which while were very similar to the canon in-website ones, have a few changes. one of which was Wally - in the tests - saying that the others weren't ready to meet Us yet. now in canon that tidbit has been swapped out for "You have to go too. You have work to do" but i think it's still implied through Wally's purposeful withholding-of-information that he doesn't think the others are ready to know. or he straight up doesn't want them to know
i mean, one little theory i previously had is that Wally wants them all to catch on to the nature of their reality and situation, but he doesn't want to - or Can't - tell them outright. they have to figure it out. and that can't was either something keeping him quiet, or because if they learned too soon / inorganically, their little puppet heads would pop into confetti like Red Guy's in dhmis 4
However my views have Changed and i'm pretty sure Wally is purposefully not telling anyone to maintain the illusion that everything is fine and can continue on as it always has. maybe it comes from a place of protectiveness, of love? whatever the motive i think he wants them all to keep being unaware and dare i say, Complacent while he "fixes" their situation.
which is delusional, but we all know Wally is digging his metaphorical claws into a desperate bid to keep everything the same / return it to its original state, leaving bloody scratches in something already rotted. or something like that!
all this to say i think it's interesting how it seems that he's the only one aware of humans / an outside/other world, yet he's so determined to stay in his lane. he wants connection & communication yet he doesn't want to leave or change. he wants help in keeping things the same (some could say in keeping Our reality & his separated) but in the process he's dooming everyone/everything and tearing down those walls himself
(Wally: i'm going to stay where i am, and you're gonna stay where you are, and we're gonna help each other keep me and my friends where we're meant to be. anyway i wonder what this sledgehammer does)
#this is a very disjointed ramble but when are they ever put together!#i have to start at point a to get to point 36 yk yk#trying to write down my thoughts is like trying to keep a firm grip on a lubed up ferret#SOAPED!!! SOAPED UP!!! I MEANT SOAP yk that doesnt make it any better. anyway moving on dont look at me#its. its. the more i think about wally the more i go insane#like he's got neurosis stacked on neurosis stacked on-#there is something soooo wrong with him <3#homebogging#welcome home speculation#wh speculation#i do think his heart is in the right place. i do think he's trying to achieve something he thinks is good & best for everyone#but... despite being aware of more than his friends... technically knowing more Truth than them#he's more trapped by that knowledge. he's ruled by it. and he doesn't really have the -#i dont want to say capacity bc i have to believe that he Can change. he just doesnt know how / currently doesnt want to / is too scared to#but he doesn't have the freedom the others have. bc in their ignorance they can ignore their confines#in a way they're more real than wally despite living in a fabricated world as fabricated people with fabricated lives#they're authentic in their ignorance#and ive said it before and ill say it again - wally was created as a blank slate while everyone else already had a Foundation#no matter how false their memories are they Have them. they have the tools to change and want change#they already perceive themselves as more than what they were made for. they think they're People (not humans - people) dont they?#so if they learn theyre trapped... they'll want out. meanwhile wally is already stuck bc while they have - in a way - More#the neighborhood & the show are all wally has. he knows there's outside but he doesnt have any reason to Want that outside#bc why would he want to leave home? why would he want anything to change? it's his sole purpose isnt it?#idk i just think wally would benefit from being told 'you dont need a purpose / you dont need to adhere to a purpose / you are enough as Yo#doing what You want. you can just Be'#but yk. what was i talking about again#oh yeah - wally is so so aware and yet so in the dark#he's got one half of the puzzle but they're all corner/edge pieces and he's trying to fill the inside space with Nothing#hm. i wonder if he'll end up needing the other neighbors to help finish the puzzle... who's to say who's to say!!#FUCK YOU TUMBLR I HAD MORE TO SAY. CUT OFF AGAIN AGH
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okay i need feedback from the autism mentall illness website um. this is going to read like an AITA post. brother vs half-sister (who are currently my dependents do to their own individual disabilities + ptsd/depression) spat i will skim the details on but i'm worried my sister will discount my take since i'm not autistic myself so. am i crazy to call it ableist to look at an autistic person (23) who is clearly going through it dealing w long term depression, a world that doesn't give a shit abt him, unemployment, very self-isolated and burnt out barely leaving his room because the world is an ableist dumpster fire with zero opportunities for him, and then bring up childhood abuse he's suffered and his diagnosis as reasonable factors on top of this to worry he'll [checks notes] abuse my cat just to hurt me or even worse have a breakdown and kill me and his other sibling in a violent episode, a train of thought i probably wouldn't even be having were he not [checks notes] mad at me for the first time in my life?
like i don't have any other read on this kind of fear-based characterization other than ableism. like those are very real things in his life but she never points out any current violent behavior, of which there are none, only the one (1) instance of him lashing out when he was like 14 and Officially Diagnosed Low Empathy she thinks is a concern and Hateful Looks toward her since he stopped getting along with her, that's it. i tried explaining to her why i, someone who's lived w him his entire life, can vouch for how unlikely he is to do anything like that, especially when it's again not based on anything he's actually currently doing except for isolating in a way that is much more indicative of him potentially being a danger to himself than anyone else, and being cold towards her specifically, and i thought she had let it go, but when i brought it up off-hand in a conversation tangentially related, she continued to defend and justify her Concern about the potential directions his behavior could lead to because [checks notes] other people in similar situations have lashed out and killed their entire families according to. true crime books or videos she's watched on youtube as far as i'm aware. ignoring the fact that her and i have had the same or Worse childhood abuse and have acted similarly isolated in the past, or for her literally just as currently as him, and she's not expressed any worry past or present about either of us doing anything like that, in my opinion obviously because i haven't cut her off due to our differences like he decided to. like am i big sibling biased because this is pissing me off so bad.
#j.txt#autism#ableism#very sorry to hang all my dirty laundry like this but she is absolutely the type of person to not take accusations of ableism seriously#due to being disabled/traumatized herself and i. feel like she thinks just because she's fixated on and consumed so much about like#mental disorders and illness and whatever she thinks she's an expert on it#enough to like. non-gendered equivalent mansplain peoples' own traumas and disorders to them lol which she has done to me as well#my brother actually last i checked felt like his diagnosis wasn't even accurate#but to me knowing our mom was v ableist antivax about her understanding of autism and a very neurotypical definition of it#it makes sense if the criterias or definitions don't feel accurate to him#idk. IDK#um. if this gets no engagement i'll delete it rather quick probably i just#don't wanna talk out of my ass when i'm not even autistic yk#i'm very aware i can be biased about him vs her because i actually grew up w him and he's younger than us but like#i havent heard him use her own diagnosis and childhood trauma and ugly moments in this way to justify his bad faith characterizations of he#so it's very much. just something she's doing. if my brother started doin it too i'd have the same conversation but he hasn't which i think#is u.m Telling <3#like She's the one actually complaining about how he assumes the worst of her in everything she does now and it makes her feel awful#meanwhile she. probably doesn't say any of this to Him but boy has she talked about it with me!#if it's not obvious we are all very mentally ill trapped in a house 2gether trying to save up to move so we can get away from each other lo
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Okay, so I'm revisiting the concept of Demon Morris because my brainrot goes in circles once every month and like
I've been thinking of how his design would be in my world lore. Gluttony demons are commonly buglike in theme in my head and like,,,,
so i present the audience with one alternative design;
moth morris. i walk off, there is applause, i bow. He'd be based off of the white ribboned carpet moth, and due to dimorphism would be slightly larger than usual. He can fly, he can flutter, and he gets to places like no other.
#stardew valley#sdv morris#sdv#stardew#morris sdv#stardew valley art#stardew valley morris#sdv fanart#sdv demon au#all im saying is this au has been in my head for MONTHS#ill never escape it#morris tired of masquerading as a human changing forms and instantly growing at least a few inches taller#to the sheer dismay of ulrich of course#him trying to get work done in the dead of night but staring wide eyed at a light midway through#i like to imagine he can both still be completely and utterly intimidating as a demon but also have that added aspect of "scary. but fluffy#idk ive been brainrotting over this for so long#he flutters when hes excited and or happy over something#then promptly comes down#hes a pretty strong fellow too but like- yk.
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i like overthink everything now it makes me feel so dumb. i used 2 be able to just talk 2 ppl but nowadays every single thing im like Is that actually going to make them hate me. Yes probably. and then i just dont respond which makes ppl hate me. this is how it is
#ive been overthinking 1 light and casual mildly funny response to something but im worried itll come off as disrespectful and dismissive And#make me seem stupid and uncaring all at the same time. and also be seen as insulting. but like idt itd be insulting right like. im not#saying what it is so ig for all you guys know im like I mean if i say All your shit suck ball and i hateit kys. <- thats not the thing i was#going to say#like it doesnt matter now the window for response is closed now but i feel stupid bc i shouldve just said it it was light and casual. im so#bad at keeping convos gojng im convinced im not going to survive. In like a light and casual way like in a He will not make it through the#winter joke way. dw. im not going to do anything bc i had One failed interaction. if i was going to do anythjng itd be bc of the 8000000#other failed interactions. But im not. anyways. it just makes me feel so useless 😭 like i want to respond i want to talk to ppl so bad but#i feel like i mess things up Irreparably every time i speak OR i take too LONG overthinking my response and then i just cant respond bc its#been too long and then its been 3 years and the only messages ive ever sent r my intro message and 1 message 2 years ago that nobody#responded to at all. or the conversation stopped immediately after. and like i used to be better at this i was lkke. talkative in a couple#muts servers like. i talked 2 ppl daily in those servers and i had fun and like. I was an important part of the group and i felt like it#but i just feel like such an outsider for Everything and its literally my fault bc i cant just like. Talk. The explosion. bc im always like#im gonna try im gonna do it this time im gonna get it back im going to finally be Good connor and im going to fix it all and make a Good#solid friend group and ill find HEALTHY LOVE and i wont selfsabotage and ill move out and have a job and ill balance it well and ill start#all my hobbies and ill have a great routine and be so loveable and on top of it and not stressed and content and happy and roll with the#punches and then theres a single hiccup and im like Well fuckinf whatever im going to be an unemployed hermit forever and im going to die b4#im 25 anyways so Who cares and also im digging a little hole for myself. and its like. AUGHH ik i just have to persevere and overcome but#even saying that feels so stupid its not fucking hard its Talking to ppl. like. i literally if ive ever said a word to you i had to think#avt it and strategize how to respond right even for like. like. it makes it sound like its not genuine it is#like for example i want to say hey i love your art! but then i freak out and im like thats not normal thats like a rly generic comment they#hear that all the time theyll thjnk im being polite and my brains like hrmmm rewrite Your art changed my life. It shaped me. Ill never be#the same. Nad im like ok too far overcorrected go back and the sentence generator is like Your art has colors 💯 like. GOD. WHY IS IT SO#difficult. and then usually i either just dont say anythinf and feel awful abt it 4ever OR i send it on anon and then i spend like 15#minutes ibsessively slightly tweaking the apelling and capitalization and punctuation to make sure it doesnt seem like its me just in case#it Is the worst possible thing to say but then i see the response and itll be like AWWW TYSM :] THIS MEANS A LOT or whathaveyou and i feel#stupid bc i couldve just Told them this to their face and it wouldve been a good positive interaction we had. but instead i had 2 hide and#tyoe entirely differently so they couldnt sniff me from my typing style. and it soesnt even feel like the thanks is actually 4 me bc i#tweaked the message sm. and it still makes me happy that the oersons hapoy but its like. that couldve been a nice mutual interaction#like not that i need a personal ty i compliment ppl when i Want to compliment ppl and when its genuine yk. i dont do it so i get mutualpoint
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cotl mocha au ( "The Deer / The Doe" ) + sketches .
a supposedly kind cult leader simply trying to give his followers the best life free of worry and strife.
anywhere he treads, life seems to blossom...
#aria doodlez#cult of the lamb#cotl#cotl oc#cult of the lamb oc#mocha ( oc )#mocha ( cotl au )#the deer#the doe#// i love having so many incoherent tags bc my ocs have so many names and bc of my tagging systems#ill draw more with him when i feel like it#also he wouldve also been called 'the goat' as a subtitle if he werent. yk. If that guy wasnt a guy that existed#i like the sketches better bc trying to decide colors for mocha is absolutely awful in any animalized form#his hair has so many shades of similar colors and its hard to translate properly without it looking wrong.#he also had two beige markings on his stomach and nose but that was too complex for a cotl design so i removed them#will do another go One day
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imagine joys dad (whats his name??) and mr sweet having a little group chat like "whats the worst way we can treat our children?? ideas?"
#house of anubis#tbh jeromes dad did try make things better at least#and i guess mr sweet tried but im still mad at him#yk wasnt ambers dad like so disappointed in her whenever she wanted to follow her dream#and mick had some issues with his dad too remembering the whole australia thing#house of anubis should be called house of daddy issues#honourable mentions to victor rodenmaar sr who treated his son awfully his whole life and didn't even apologise directly afterwards#he literally sent nina with his watch like 'tell him im sorry lol'#also rip sarah because her dad was literally frobitcher smythe himself#they all have daddy issues#im cackling imagining joy being like to nina 'u should be glad ur father is dead'#ill stop now#just thoughts
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#rgg#ryu ga gotoku#yakuza series#ryu ga gotoku 7#yakuza like a dragon#yakuza 7#masumi arakawa#snap sketches#ive decided captions are for squares and ill just keep the tag rambles LOL#anyway. the tags are just for bitching dont look. i hate being at my moms this sucks its so cold and i always feel powerless here#yk how i said i wanted to work on comm stuff yesterday yeah I Couldnt. not as much as i wanted to anyway#it was too cold to focus and im always apprehensive here god i forgot how much i hate this place#wanted to TRY and force something today so i could pick up from yesterday but even just doing this felt draining#i actually wanted to do a cute arasawa comic but. i repeat moving sucks LOL#anyway. complaining aside let me explain the bling#cause i wear this watch and this bracelet. all the time LOL#unfortunately the watch is from my mom but the bracelet's from my dad. of course#unfortunately i do love watches so ill cope#this is also to continue my Arakawa Should Be Da|go's Fourth Dad propaganda. cross accessories :)#anyways speak of the devil (my mother) my brother just came in to deliver a message from The Devil and put me in a worse mood#everything sucks i cant wait fr tomorrow so i can leave LOL#i was only gone for a month and everything got worse while i was gone because my mom sucks ANYWAY.#sorry i had to use this cute pic of arakawa to vent but god. god i hate it here im miserable LOL#anyway since i cant draw that comic anytime soon i might just try to squeeze a fic out of it#ill have to steal from that alcohol comic i did but it's fine. ok bye. might go get soju later. and chicken...#genuinely the only good place around here since they closed my fave hibachi place#'snap i thought you were trying to stop drinking' so did i then i came back here ☠️☠️not even a restaurant it a gas/liquor station#my dad gave me grocery money i think im allowed a lil treat... ok im goin fr now LMAO BYE
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I mean this from a social perspective not a health one : why does everything feel weird right now. Like yes I’m heartbroken about the reality of my position in the lives of my so called friends but now I just feel confused. I don’t understand why I’m not important and why I can’t change to be important to others, nor what makes a person important either.
#like okay yeah I’ve been lowkey crying in the middle of the night because of how unimportant I feel but that’s down pat now we get it#I just want to know why am I not ? like am I doing something wrong ? I could’ve sworn I’m trying my best to not be annoying frustrating and#to be there but the reality of things is that I can’t always be there given my condition#sometimes I wonder how hard it is to ask me a simple ‘are you okay’ or ‘how are you’ or god forbid that I am missed lmao pls fniesksn ignore#the last one I think that’s too much but at least the other two#I don’t want to tell people to ask me these because then it feels fake and that they’re doing it just for the sake of getting me to shut up#about it but I don’t know#dora daily#a reason why I hate insta with my whole life because it just never fails to prove how worthless I really am#like I could’ve died yk … and it’d still be the sahara desert there#anyways I like being alone a lot something I’ve found out about myself#(I hate it actually but I only like it because I cannot make myself do anything like even talking seems so very exhausting so I can manage#with the loneliness when I’m ill but I can’t cope with it when I’m even a smidge better)#sigh.#just sigh. where did I get my friends from and why does everyone seem to love their friends so much but I cannot#don’t get me wrong I talk about how much I love them to everyone and if I don’t I obsess abt them in my head but it is not reciprocated to#be honest. not at all#and that’s what makes me sad. I still love them because I love unconditionally it seems#but from a conditional viewpoint they do not cut it#and that makes me disappointed#that’s why I’d kill to be loved or heck even remotely liked the way I like others even half of that yk#I am not a good person in my eyes but I would do so much just to be liked like that I wish I knew why I’m not worth being liked only worthy#of being tolerated.
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im going insane i need to re write splatoon 3's story right now
#the more i think about it the more it bothers me? thats mean more like it itches me#theres so many things that really conflict with previous games like the octarians going back to being treated like#videogame villains and not yk people#and so many things that go unexplained like why are test chambers made by humans so filled with inkling tech#what are the test chambers for why is orca running these tests why was orca made how did octolings found their way into alterna#did mr grizz bring em there?#why did mr grizz need cuttlefish???#i think alterna is a reaaallly cool setting i think they mayb should have leaned more into fleshing it out and the story about it#maybe have mr grizz be made created by the humans with human intelligence to some how try and pass on their legacy#make mr grizz see how the humans of alterna destroy eachother and then resent that behavior when he see it on the inklings#that sounds too much like commander tartar so idk and it would conflict with salmon run i think#but i definitively do think they should have leaned more into the story of alterna and fleshing it out more#or maybe lean more into the loneliness that mr grizz feels being the only creature like him#he does no longer resemble a mammal from the past and its onlike any other creature on this current world#idk ill stop rambling now it just bothers mee#gh0ost txt
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I made a meme do you leik it :)
#i am SUFFERING out here#i have a presentation and essay for one module a presentation for another module and an object to make with a 1000 word explanation??#for another module all due within the next two weeks#and i am unable to get out of bed 👍🏻#fantastic timing dont you think#theres been trouble with my antidepressents so im off those too which ahahahahah doesnt help#and i cant got to the doctors for them cause ill have to fight for it and then that will give them reason to not give me testosterone in#december when im due to get it cause im 'unstable' and my doctors surgery isnt very fond of me starting anyway#im not about to give them a reason to stop me from getting the perscription#so ive just got to fucking raw dog life for the first time since i was 16 how great#no i cannot complete these very important assignments that count towards my degree im trying not to throw myself into oncoming traffic soz#and also trying to manage to feed myself and perhaps leave my bedroom for a total of five minutes at least a day#this has not been entirely achievable but yk im doing my best 😀👍🏻#depressive episode#did any of yall see those two girls with a podcast that said i love my mental illness it makes me who i am#because i think about those two far too often and im so glad everyone was in the comments so much so they deleted the video lmfao cause bro#depression#can suck my dick#in a bad way
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fuckfuck fuck i need to make more physical crafts i need to create tangible things that i can hold with my two hands and put it somewhere i can See It and think Wow. I Made That.
#finished my little rudimentary earring holder & one of two arm warmers#MORE!!!! MORE!!!!!! I NEED MORE#maybe... maybe ill go get myself a new little plant and a pot to decorate. a little guy for my windowsill#ohhh i could uh! i could make like a little scrapbook thing and put in there all of my favorite things that ive drawn....#a little egotistical Perhaps but!! on days where i feel like shit and like my art sucks i could flip through that!#and say 'huh. not too bad actually'#plus it just sounds like a fun craft. i could get stickers and stuff. washi tape. glue flat objects on. add teeny doodles#i just. i need to create more i think thats whats wrong with me lately#i feel such Peace and Joy when i make physical things#i wonder if id like book binding...#no no thats for future me who has a job and an Income to get interested in#that would be fun tho! ive always wanted to try it.#and if i do i'd Really want to do that thing where people take a fanfic and make it into a physical book#that would be so fun...#i could have my favorites on a shelf! with permission of course!#absolutely unprompted#yk when i start to feel that Despair i really just gotta think about what physical things i could create#what art things i still have to discover and attempt and enjoy#today has sucked But! i will take the car tomorrow and by fuck i will do Something#a new plant friend. yeah. i need something alive in my room#and this weekend ill go to michaels and get myself washi tape so that i can secure my posters to the walls#bc my poster tack Is Not Working!#i wonder if our printer can work on cardstock... i wonder if its been Set Up yet i havent seen her#maybe ill make some more tiny vases today. i have clay still...#OH OH i could make small amigurumi keychain things...#*spoken with clenched fists and gritted teeth* there is still so much to discover and delight in in this life#the walls in this house are bare and cold but if my stepdad allows I Can Spruce It The Fuck Up#ohhhhh crochet tapestries... i could probably do that too...#i cant wait to pick up crafts get bored two days later and drop em and i say that sincerely!
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love paying thousands of dollars so I can sit in a lecture hall and over think my identity instead of maths
#its like. god idk. the more i think about it the more i feel like i have to accept that i am just aroace?#and the more i realise i really dont want that to be true?#it just. feels so fucking lonely#like. god.#all my friends are in relationships and im not. everyone was talking about childhood crushes yesterday and i just couldn't join in. we were#fillimg out these identity chart things and there just. wasnt an option for what i was#relationships are always going to be more important than friendships and that makes sense. i get that. but that also means im always going#to be lesser to someone else#like yes amato/allonormativity is bullshit and i shouldnt listen to it but. fuck its depressing feeling like im just missing a core part of#what makes someone a real person yk. it fucking sucks#like i think im already sensitive to that bc growing up trans and neurodivergent means i already feel like ive missed out on so many#milestones#and now i have this. and im always going to have this. and it fucking sucks#like idk!! i wanna date!! i want someone to care about me in that way!! but ill never be able to do that without feeling like im decieving#them so whats the fucking point yk!!#like im just overexaggerating the few hints of sexuality i have now to at least try to pretend i have one#because at least then i can be included in those conversations and not feel like a lesser person for those few seconds#but then it changes. and im back to feeling like a freak and half of a person !! and i feel like a freak and gross whenever i di exaggerate#my sexualoty at all so yk. no winning there ig#god idk#this got uh. more depressing than i thought#i think i just already feel lowkey like shit constantly so this just makes it worse?#idk. im too tired for this shit#thumbsup#i swear im normal
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