#ppl question sht for years

[golbrocklovely]

Yk what I wonder (don’t mind me, it’s late and i am crazy) how many people who ship snc together or shipped brolby in the past would actually go mad crazy and turned out to be actual homophobic piece of shts if snc would ever come out (i am not saying they are not straight, i am saying hypothetically speaking… like a scenario that never will happen).

Ik most of the people do it for simple fun and they do not really mean it, but there are still people who mean it and i wonder… if they genuinely would support snc if they ever would say smth “hey yk i am actually kinda into guys” or they only like idea of sam AND colby (if you get what i am saying). Or how many of them are actually homophobic people who just find snc hot and the idea of them tght just seems hot to them, but irl they despise couples like this? Idk if that makes sense, but ik people like this exist, who be like shipping two men tght, but then would bash one of them if they actually turns out gay….

Ok, i know those are out of nobody knows where, but it’s past midnight here and i just decided to share this little crazy thought here (probably gonna regret it tomorrow) and sorry for bringing up the Voldemort name in snc fandom.

i get what you're saying, anon. i'll be honest tho, idk the answer to that question lol

(this became such a rambling mess good god lol read at your own risk)

as someone that has talked to a lot of fans over the years, both anon and not, there is a good chunk of ppl that genuinely believe that at the very least colby is bi in some capacity. whether those ppl admit it publicly or not is a different story. personally i think he's straight bc he himself says he is, but if he for some reason came out and said he was also into guys, i wouldn't care/wouldn't be surprised. sam would be a bit surprising tbh lol

but the question of "do fans ship snc together, or would they hate them being gay if they were not with one another" is a good one to ask. i think it's a bit of a mix bag. definitely i do think there would be fans that would not be into it whatsoever. and i do think certain fans would be happy knowing they were together. but i think the ones that would hate them being gay with other men are the ones that have always given me the ick. bc they don't see gay online men (like influencers or actors or whatever) as actual ppl, just characters.

bc there is something to be said about groups of women online being obsessed with gay men/male friendships and shipping them together. the dan-and-philification of certain male friend groups is an interesting one to observe (tho, dnp may not be the best example of that since they are both gay and possibly together idk about that tho so don't quote me). i'll say it this way, as someone who is bi but claimed to be straight for a long time - i always find it a little bit worrisome when i look at a straight woman and see that she is obsessed with a gay male couple. it reads as a fetish, it reads as a weird sexual thing in some way to me no matter what. i can't explain why it feels that way, but it always had. now granted, maybe some of those women are secretly queer in their own way and being into a gay couple is just their way of connecting to their own identity. that's a possibility for sure. but there are plenty of straight women, ones that are 100% straight, that are just way too into gay guys.

i'll be honest, i've had this thought for a long time, but i haven't fleshed it out fully, so i'm sorry if this is all over the place. and i do think some of this can also apply to male fans/nb fans, but i've seen this happen a lot when it comes to a popular guy who's friends with another guy and the fandom as a whole is predominantly women. for some reason, they will get shipped together like crazy and the idea that they aren't into one another is just not accepted.

i do think some of this happens bc parasocial relationships make certain fans see these real ppl as characters and bc of that, they ship them like they would characters on a show. and all of this happens without them taking into account how these guys would actually feel or what they would want.

as for snc, i think most of the fandom would be fine with them being gay if they came out and said they were. i think a lot more would be accepting if they came out and said they were dating, weirdly enough. i've joked with friends on here a bunch that sam is really the only person everyone seems to agree on colby dating, and vice versa.

but i do think weirdly, bc so many fans kinda see snc as characters, that's why they get upset when they do go out and date women that aren't those the fandom has "agreed" upon. that's why there was so much vitriol for katelyn and malia. they were two randos we knew nothing about and had no choice in choosing. how dare snc decide for themselves ! how dare colby date outside the holy trinity ! how dare sam move on from the best gf he'll ever have kat !

okay, i feel like i've rambled enough. sorry if i didn't answer your question, but like i said in the beginning - it's a good one to ask. i'm just not sure if there is a clear cut answer to it.

[cruisinmississippin]

Like just the other day I got this FAQ tht usually turns dirty but didnt? Thank fck for tht.

This dude I recently knew was asking if I had any brothers n if i had any pictures of them. Sbb "Nak tgk la muka cana" . He's married btw.

🆗️ bro.

Its a common question I get from girls usually, but jyeah either way those always had a tendency of turning dirty somehow. Kalau dulu, even strangers, complete strangers have literally started convos with me using tht line only to say some sexual sht afterwards.

Point is, I enjoy it immensely la when FINALLy, more n more each day n year, there are more signs that wisdom comes with age, and with it, a bit of decency la. Theres a light at the end of the tunnel after all.

Not tht I detest banters, bit of innuendos, flirty tone here n there ka pa - ok ja I layan ja slalu if im comfortable joking with you. But jyeah I definitely dont prefer tht to be the main n forefront tone ppl usually take with me. Its too much la klau 8/10 of each new interaction tu camtu. I didnt need that, that made me self conscious af n not in a good way. Made me feel like an object most times, n over time when you constantly have that as a constant in your environment, it does make you conditioned to thinking a certain way.

😃👍🏻I can feel a new era beginning.

Idk but man im grateful af n just overall ecstatic tht aint nobody said or done anything creepy to me yet this year. Its only March, but 😃👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻 thats awesome, yo.

[osdd-1bitch]

// partly a vent? but also if you have any type of advice as to what i can do pls say,, gotta be honest im still INSANELY fucked on if im a system or not :( for a while i was dead set on it but i ended up just not saying anything to my therapist and fell back into that "ok no thats not me, im just a really vivid daydreamer" mindset.

then your blog auto-popped up as i was typing and i clicked it and im back to that "maybe" thing. im just so conflicted rn ughhh goddamnit :( ive been having an extremely stressful past few weeks (no specifics but alot of my trauma resurfaced, alot of shit triggered me, similar traumatic situations etc) and i missed both of my therapy sessions the past 2 weeks, so ive kinda reverted back to being dependant on alters who im not even sure are alters or not. and even THEN im not sure how to bring up to my therapist that i think i may have OSDD or DID?? like idk how im gonna come back after 2 weeks and say "hey btw all this traumatic shit came back up and i think i might be a system bc i talk to people in my head who arent me lol but anyways can i use ur fidget cube?" ??? SO much has happened and im really debating on just pushing down that it might be osdd/did and pretending nothing is wrong for the sake of keeping myself mentally stable yk ?? gotta say i just dont know what to do at all. lets also not forget im 13 and shouldnt even have to deal w this much stress EVER but dfghgtf. im just really struggling to tell if this is my maladaptive daydreaming or DID man :(

MaDD and plurality are weird to work w, especially since MaDD can and often is be caused by trauma and there are some expressions of MaDD that one could put on the plural spectrum. Its mucky either way and can suck to deal with

before i continue, id like to say our experience on therapy has...not been great so ill refrain from giving therapy specific advice for fear of our past experiences clouding our judgement, but you can share the trauma bits and get some help without talking about plurality. the rings system did some videos that might help about talking to a therapist,red flags ect, lovely folks, you should give em a watch if you havent. either way id say you prolly shouldnt bring this up yet, but info is also good in general

and also, some personal advice, be very very careful on the internet, especially social medias at your age. we were in your shoes once and it did fck us up quite a bit

either way, i seriously doubt youll be taken seriously, not in a bad way, full grown adults struggle to get help. and stressing about specifics can just lead to, you guessed it! more stress. its totally fine to drop all lables and just exist for a while and try and do whatever, talking w sysmates or daydreaming whatever, you dont have to name these experiences for now, just live them. doubt is weird, and youll almost def be wout dxing for a few years either way.

just live your life, try not to bring up trauma wout professionals, and be very safe on the internet, and preferably get off tumblr and move somewhere safer, its really not a place for people your age. i know you probably wont listen to that bit much, but at least be extra super safe.

self dxing can take years btw. its not really a matter of weeks, lived experience and analyzing yourself and just questioning takes a lot of time. take it slow

and its totally fine if its not did. or madd. or either. dont stress, dont try and conform yourself to dxes and stuff rn, especially since you are both v young and just started questioning. im not saying your age means you shouldnt, if you have did you have it rn, but things can take time to come to light. just b honest w yourself and open to the options, mkay? self dxing is a lot of research on top of the work. if you started questiong round now tbh many systems if they questions at your age would get a dx or self dx at like 15,16,17 ect ect, and thats if they question. do what helps you and talk to your therapist, you dont have to mention did but talk about questioning disorders and junk.

this sorta age is when figuring yourself out rlly starts to happen yknow? that doesnt mean you should be cornered off n stuff, n kept away from dxes, but it also means you should be very careful n research a ton. if you find smth you resonate w it, keeping it in the maybe pile for a year or two can seem like its a long time, but will help a ton in the end, if its true or not. if its stressing you out a ton, its okay to not think about it for a bit, you have time.

and again, please please please try and get off social medias they can mess w your head a lot, and try not to share your age online again. im torn abt publishing this n may delete this ask n repost the response, but im not sure

tldr:

i dont wanna tell you to not question or identify symptoms, but things change a lot n you are just dipping your toes into life. take things slow and sit on them, thats the best advice given to us at your age. you could be absolutely right, you could be confused, you could be dead wrong, and all of these are okay. just keep yourself open, research and rlly think abt it (like months of thinking abt it) before it can age properly in the maybe bin. and also be safe online, dont share your age and stuff n keep off toxic n inapropriate sites like this best you can. options are open and symptoms can change over time. just exist and take note of things. dont stress over lables, n self dx should stay in the possibly-maybe bin for now, itll be worth the wait

[lordacex]

I have been thinking about obey me au

With overprotective Michael and mammon being the main character in the story lol

Tw bad grammar

This is my first time written something so damn long

What if during the rebellion

Micheal got anxious when he hear that mammon decide to join Lucifer and he dont want anything to happen to mammon so he when to meet mams a day before the rebellion secretly

And they have a fight

Mammon really want to be on Lucifer side and it made Micheal anxious and scared

He know he the one who put Mammon under Lucifer and leave Mammon for so long

He regret it and now he want to spend time with his little brother he want to fix everything and he want to gave attention and affection to his little brother but if mammon go now he won't got to do any of that

he was desperate

He mind when blank and when he realized he stab mammon ( I be honest that was a bit random BAHAHAHAJ) . He panic for few seconds but then he decide that he took mammon away before the war and lock him in a room somewhere ppl can't find him so now he wont get to join Lucifer

The war over and Lucifer and then other Lost they were send to Devildom

Lucifer don't know what happen to mammon he couldn't find him..

((let's just say Lily die and cuz mammon not there Lucifer lost 4 wing-)

They all end up leaving one by one

Mammon wake up with confusing

He was in pain and realize he was in a room

Micheal walk in and he rush to mammon telling mammon to rest

Mammon panic and ask Michael a lot of questions

"what happen?!?"

"where am I?!"

"What Did you do Micheal??"

"w-where my brother??"

Micheal sat next to mammon and mammon move away a bit He don't know what happen but he feel pain A pain that feel like he got stab or something

"your siblings leave without you..."

"They all forgot about you mammon.."

( mammon:)"w-what..? No that can't be Lucifer say he take me with him if we end up leaving..."

"shhhh Mammon is ok you need to calm down first.. Lucifer say he will leave this place and he would take all of his siblings..."

(mammon:) "B-but Lucifer he me w-"

"Mammon you are not Lucifer siblings. You were never part of them family remember?"

(Mammon:) "I...No he..He say that we..you lying..r-right?"

Micheal come closer and hug mammon rubbing his back "oh my Dear little brother I love you why would I lie to you? I would never leave you like Lucifer did..."

Mammon was confused and he feel tired

He don't know what happen he feel weird

He don't know if what Micheal say is a lie or not ofc cuz Michael use a spell on him-

And for the next few year Micheal just try to get mammon to be close with him

He try soooo many things and he did it Mammon finally response to his affection and attention and he swore that no one will hurt mams and he won't gave mammon to anyone ever again

For now on mammon would never leave him again never...

Also bonus story

Mammon is best friend with Simeon and treat luke like his younger brother >:D

I just thought mammon would look a bit souless cuz He feel betray by Lucifer lmao

Oh and the angel don't know anything about mammon and Lucifer and the other brother relationship

I have the idea for the transfer student thingy

Like Luke and Simeon find out about mammon and the brothers

And I wonder how mammon react when he found out Michael was manipulating him 😳

Aaaaaaaaaaa ok This sht is bad

Ahahhahaaahahahhaha ok bai

[ukaiknowsbest]

long rant on gntma "feminism"

ah now i get it. feminist messages in silver soul were awkward coz after tsukuyo and kyuubei said their pieces, kyuubei was immediately clobbered to unconsciousnes and otae was captured. (is that poetic? a nasty plot twist? a painful slap to reality? maybe? but man it's in bad taste, even i wanted to wring tsukuyo's neck for starting all the women are awesome and men are sht bs speeches. dont we have a word for that? oh yeah she's kind of a TERF after all.)

In the 2 year edo timeskip, the "feminist" messages didn't work coz in yoshiwara your favorite bombshell tsukuyo used "old people = fugly" torture on people.

There was also that little bit of kyuubei telling otae that "if ur a slob like that then ur marriage chances will drop." -> Yo Kyuubeu said that right after she declared otae as the future of women and martial arts, what the fck.

It's a One step forward, then two steps backward dance, if We’re being honest.

Gintama's uhh.. "pure and innocent" lady characters both keep preaching "equality" and "women's rights" but also looked down on other women in their own self righteous way hhhhhh.

Now this is not the first time gintama has done this. Otae uses her beauty to her advantage to bring herself up higher/step on other girls... but i dont think she ever employed the "women=men or women>>men" rhetoric on her own. If she did then it was kinda in agreement to Kyuubei/Tsukuyo (it just abt the war being fight of the women/children too). Otae was never a high handed goody two shoes who thought all women were equal. She has always been this unfair girl TO ALL SEXES through and through. Heck she keeps pushing femininity to Kyuubei even when Kyuubei is always confused af (many ppl like that i suppose but bruh it's soooo uncomfortable to watch.)

That makes Otae both villainous / morally confusing in her own right. But at least she walks the talk and don't give us morality sht with no follow through. (quite similar to Gintoki yknow?)

Tsukuyo/Kyuubei though?? they say one thing abt women's rights and equality and other sht yet perpetuate the exact same opposite. Ugly don't get rights and they insititutionalized it. I get that their upbringing skewed their views on what women/men/people should be. But man their speeches made almost every feminist message on gintama nullify itself. The constant cha-cha-ing of the messages they impart is so frustrating. Is that good writing? Is sorachi not letting their mindsets improve after, what, 400 chapters good character development? who knows!!!!

Nobume's actions in that bit in the time skip with Soyo is questionable too. Yes women can be corrupt but maybe don't show that right after you declare the "women should just run the country" speech? That message is not helping anybody jfc. In fact it confirms Japanese cultural mindset that women dont belong anywhere important hahaha.

Do ya'll know how often japanese female politicians are booed by their colleagues whenever they bring up legit issues parliament/council sessions? the answer is ALWAYS. Gintama just in it's own way say that that's not wrong.

That being said we can always say that Gintama pokes fun at everything just to be on the safe side and please those shonen jump execs right??? LMAO.

Gintama tried okay? You can give sorachi an "THERE WAS AN ATTEMPT" star. but as far as feminism is concerned, the messages just keep falling flat..it's going nowhere other than "some girls fight well and look sexy af" that's it.

[thattaekwondoblog]

About Me

2019.12.23

A little bit of an introduction could be useful for those who are curious! I’ll try to make it not boring but I can’t promise anything lets goo

TMI: 22 yo white girl who is not very athletic & works a full time job outside of this

Style: ITF (International Tkd Federation)

Current rank: just got my green stripe (4th level going on 5th)

Experience: veeery limited experience in karate & kickboxing, some in WTF TKD

TKD story: I first discovered the sport when I was like 8 yo but only got up to a yellow belt before life took me to other sports/things. I then tried to get into other martial arts here and there but never stuck to it bc again life happened. And then about 2 years ago I studied abroad in South Korea and decided to try again since I was literally in the birthplace of the sport. I graduated from college and moved to a new city and found a dojang (studio) that i fell absolutely in love with. It has been 7 months since I seriously started practicing, and about 3 since I have been going to practice pretty much every day.

Why I love it: i’ve loved martial arts for a long time and have always wanted to pursue one for a very long time. it gives me confidence and self defense skills and is an amazing stress reliever. The beauty of it all is also breathtaking. but really i dont think i would love it half as much had i not had the amazing community in my dojang. i would take a bullet for the instructors (in the most loving and platonic way) and the vast majority of the people are really amazing.

Strengths: not too many lmaoo. but i guess atm i would say tkd is one of the things i am allowing myself to be bad at if that makes sense. i haven’t been allowed to do that for a long time (which has led to many issues but thats another story). like i am perfectly aware i suck but the environment i am in is supportive enough that im okay with it (which is huge character development). im here to learn and that makes me happy so i also try to make other ppl around me be happy during practice.

Weaknesses: many lol. i am not athletic so i have a lot of muscle to build and flexibility to gain. i do not have a lot of endurance so sparring is not my forte. i have some back pain lately that i need to go check out bc it hurts some of my kicks. i get easily distracted by my anxiety in class if im not careful. i often cognitively understand techniques but am unable to reproduce them physically.

Goals: i sadly will likely have to leave my current dojang before i get my black belt (which makes me incredibly sad tbh) but for now get to the highest belt level I can and continue on to pursue a black belt wherever I end up. I would also like to get experience in other martial arts esp ones where wrestling is involved, and i kind of miss punching sht like in boxing. i think im too old to get be a *really* good fighter or do mma one day or smth but I really just want to learn about my body and get stronger.

okay thats all i can think of thank you for your time ask me questions bye

[chrliekclly]

do you think charlei and dee had sex because they mistook their genuine platonic bonding as attraction? (serious question, steming from thatlesbian dee post). I never thought of it that way, and I'm interested to hear that side !

YES that’s actully smthn i lose my sht abt !! iv blown up ppls mssgs with this kinda talk like, im a mess. ok lemme type right nd lemme type A Lot Again Anyways cz thos 2 giv me Way too many feelings (im spposd to b working on a final rn christ…)

okay…i scrolled back up after finishing nd turns out i went…literally insane…aka Much too far…so i need to under-the-cut it. mobile…viewers…i’m rly so sorry. swipe hard to leap ahead…hell im sorry fr computer viewers too. my theme is rough.

to start, my HCs surrounding chardee are rooted in charlie being on the ace spectrum and dee being gay (or like @ least bi, but imo all the men stuff is straight up compulsory heterosexuality).

i will always cling tight to the deleted scene wherein charlie says he thinks sex is gross and will genuinely get sick when he thinks about it unless he thinks about it with one specific woman. i know he shows sexual interest a decent amount of times throughout the show and has canonically had sex (on camera too, yeesh) but i see each time as very out of the blue moments (coming onto dee @ multiple points while worked up, agreeing to bang tatiana cuz she says to, that kinda thing) or relating to his long standing and delusional obsession with the waitress. in that vein, he’s also canonically enjoyed sex, and I don’t try and blind-eye any of it, because ace doesn’t always mean sex can’t be enjoyed in the moment. charlie definitely has a libido, and bodies be bodies. hell, sex-repulsed can sometimes even flip 180 in the right conditions. shit is one fun spectrum i’ll tell you that…but either way, to start with him, i think him going forward with banging dee was very much a misjudgment of what feelings are and being extremely caught up in a moment where he felt real, genuine, closeness with someone else who he was having a damn good time making terrible poetry with.

as for dee, i, first of all, just agree with everything in that post. in the context of chardee, as much as i will lose my mind in tags about how hard i ride or die the ship, it’s mostly my obsession with their dynamic. i don’t think chardee is meant to be endgame. i absolutely 100% believe that dee, too, is misinterpreting her feelings. i think part of it is her consistent comp het, and the other is she’s never been close with someone the way she has been with charlie, and she doesn’t know what she’s meant to do with it. i think she was similarly caught up in a moment in which she showed her own vulnerability, opening herself up to someone who could easily just ridicule her as she’s used to (”right now? i’m scared”), and she receives support from him instead (”you’re not gunna bomb, you’re gunna do great”). we’ve seen how much dee craves validation, thats her entire thing. i’m not shocked she dropped her pants in this moment lmao. she probably felt her damn heart flutter cuz she got told by someone who she at least somewhat trusts that she really is good, even if she doesn’t think so. the only rational explanation for the feeling associated with that person is that he’s The One right? pretty big leap

just…basically i dont think either of them know what a relationship is.

charlie’s lived nearly his entire life deluding himself into thinking that, 1. he and the waitress have a relationship that is anything other than creepy, and 2. that the warped-ass mess of an image he’s created in his brain for what he and the waitress are to each other is what love is. he thinks he’s making progress in getting close to her when the only thing she’s Ever done pre-s12 is ask him to leave her the fuck alone. he’s never even attempted to look past the waitress before, and the only time he shows interest in other people it’s purely his libido talking. he doesn’t pursue romance, and the one time we’ve seen him do so he was using her to get to, who else?, the damn waitress. 

dee’s lived her entire life having to prove herself to every single person she interacts with, and its familiar to her to getting ahead by using men, usually as sexual objects. i’m hesitant to bring this up on a post wherein i speak on dee’s sexuality because i don’t want to link this trait to it in any way as if its related, but to be fair, dee is as much a serial rapist as dennis is in that regard. the gang are shitty people, we know that. she will get men drunk to have sex with them, or pressure them into it, or trick them into it. she’s not having sex with these men for pleasure, she’s literally doing it for power. it’s absolutely fucked up, but so is she.

when she Is romantically involved, she’s shown to leap headfirst into those relationships and blow them out of proportion on 0 grounds for it. she buys a promise ring for a guy who didn’t think they were dating, it’s implied she’s going to actually go ahead with the brad fisher marriage thing after the episode ends, she gloats about how important she is to a stripper who was literally shame-crying during sex (also? she says “we BOTH wept,” and she can say that’s because it was that good, but i really doubt it). i mean the woman GAGS when talking to men she’s “nervous” around, something she takes as meaning she’s attracted to them? lmao uh???

at this point i’ve probably repeated myself over and over, my brain is on backwards and my train of thought went off the rails years ago. but i’m still gunna retype an old set of tags i found:

i hc that neither of them end up together but they do go through a relationship-ish phase, but dee’s gay and charlie’s okay with that (and always ace in my mind) because they finally move on from their own irrational drives to adhere to what they think is expected of them. i dont think either of them have any idea what a relationship is meant to be and they pathetically grasp at each other because they’re kind-ish to one another and that feels safe for once. chardee may be my main ship but i purposefully backtrack on myself because i know they’re two people who barely know love and have found each other, both as underdogs in their environments, and feel an electrifying Something that they Cant Name wen theyre together, and that something just so happens to be friendship and they don’t realize it cuz they’re doofuses who’ve led really unfortunate lives where friendship and hatred are always intermingling.

i’ve never brought it up here, but i often imagine a timeline of their relationship, because i enjoy the idea of them figuring themselves out through each other, just because they are genuinely amazing (platonically) together, and they get into some of my favorite shit. the thought of late night talks and confessions about their worries and confusion about their feelings while lying in bed, just close because they feel comfortable that way, realizing they can keep loving each other and not force it to mean something it doesn’t, the relief that comes with that, a final kiss that really doesn’t mean anything but thank you, not losing what they had but rather gaining a whole new kind of intimacy, and still getting into absolutely ridiculous situations. maybe dee realizes shes, ironically, found herself with a crush on the waitress and it cracks charlie up. he doesnt mind. he’s finally learned that if he Is going to be with someone it should definitely be with someone who makes him feel at Least half as comfortable as the way being around dee does, and knowing he doesn’t have to make himself look for that, but when he knows he will know. plus, he cant imagine dee pulling that one off. but maybe one day she does. dees gentler around the edges, and she gets butterflies when talking to women, but she never gags. charlie’s a terrible wingman but he keeps convincing dee to let him try. she brings a girl home for the first time and charlie all but backflips in an empty pool that day. they’re still shithats but they’re learning to let that go. people can get better. AA would probably help.

iv gone too far goodbye

[smellycinnamonthundahfudge]

tumblr fweinds

a year ago, i was tagged by @suplosers on two questionnaires and it is only now, a year later that i was able to answer em. i’m so sorry it took me this long but yah i’m just glad to get thru dis milestone, answering the first tumblr get to know ya post i was @ at... yaayyy ^^

rules: answer these 85 statements and tag 20 people.

I tag: tbd haha i still have to dig thru meh notifs to see which ones apparently took an interest in me so i’d like to take an interest in as well haha but oh @you-guys--are-losers, ur doing this whahaha hope it’s not too much of a bother, no presh watsoever ;3

the last

1. drink: ughh it's dis shitty stuff called hydrite w/c is basically salt water cus im sick rn and it's supposed to rehydrate ur shts or something hahaha

but dat was like a week ago... as of da moment i posted dis, it’s coffee from mini stop dat i drank at like 530 in da morn while i waited until i could enter the school cus i had to commute 3 hours w/ lil to none sleep

2. phone call: my father or one of my best friends

3. text message: the last one i texted was my sister and the last one i got a text from was dis org in school about the location for recruitment/auditions/interview

4. song you listened to: billy jean by michael jackson and i listened to it for meh tomdaya fic hahaha. But i also listened to halo by beyonce, untouchable and dress by taylor swift, and some other songs magmt mentions in her tomdaya fic hehe a week ago

rn, a metal cover of toxic by our last night

5. time you cried: haha i don't actually remember the context of it (i could find out tho haha cus i sent da pic to my best friend) but i took a pic of it while i did it which was on... july 16 hahaha. Oh but w8 oh sht i think i cried after that fudge w8 i don't remember the date (i think i can find this out too hahaha) but i wrote a sortof goodbye confessions letter to one of my dear friends and i wrote there that i externally cried (b4 i just said internally haha) so i'm not entirely sure i cried but i think im pretty sure i teared up hehe

6. dated someone twice: hahaha i haven't even had a legit love interest yet 😆😂 buuutt my best friend and i have "dated" as in spent entire days together w/ just the two of us, we even went to mcdonalds for valentine's day and got each other gifts hihihi aahhh gosh i miss her :'(

7. kissed someone and regretted it: haha im not even sure if dis happened and i have no plans on asking her about it but i remember when i was a kiddo, when my sis came home for some reason i kissed her on the lips hahaha dont remember if accidental or i just brain farted heck i aint even sure if it happened but das all i can answer cus well like i said, see #6 😆😂😆😂

8. been cheated on: hhmmm probs not, i have no idea if ive been cheated on in an unromantic way hahaha but in da romantic way, like i said, no love interest hahaha

Oh w8 does being someone's crush (i aint sure but it seemed like it) and crushing on dat dude but dat dude crushing on someone else too count as cheating? 😆😂😆😂

9. lost someone special: yes, all of my grandparents are dead. I've also lost pets, and i fear i may lose some of my friends due to the distance among us in this time of our lives

10. been depressed: i always wanna be careful over how to define depression. Like wat constitutes it... but yes, i think i have. Not sure, mind you, but yes, at the beginning of gr 7 i was really alone, i think i was bullied and i think i was depressed and going thru a really dark phase of my life back then. But then again, i have to say, i'm not sure.

11. gotten drunk and thrown up: hahaha nope. I'm looking forward to getting drunk tho. Im currently underage so im not allowed to drink dat much yet but yeah i wanna know my limits hehehe i hope im da kinda gurl who can handle her liquor but i have drank and i have to say it made me all loopy and weird and just like woke or high or something hahaha so yeah man im excited to get trashed on my 18th bday hahaha (hopefully i get to do this tho huhuhu)

3 favourite colours

12. Pink

13. Blue

14. Gray

in the last year have you

15. made new friends: yyeeesssss and i'm so glad i have hihi. I have made friends w/ a select group of my blockmates and they're awesome and weird, i hope to strengthen our bond in da future hehe. Ooohhh and i sure hope that you guys are losers is my friend cus she's been rlly great :')

16. fallen out of love: i guess the closest i've come to falling out of love in a romantic way is moving on from da heavy crushin on meh crush. But i dunno, i still think he's a unicorn n pretty special to me so i dunno hahaha.

But bro, i do think i have fallen out of love. With tv shows, with characters. Like i used to be so passionate about a few shows and characters but now all i have towards them is regret heck i cant even remember wat dey are but i know dat der was love lost. I know it.

17. laughed until you cried: hahaha yaasss i think so. It's either when i was with my best dearest friends or during the class of dis really cool and funny as heck joker teacher who makes us laugh in EVERY SINGLE CLASS hahaha ahhh das guy's so cool

18. found out someone was talking about you: oohh yah yah i think so. Either from my best friends or from a few of my old classmates i care about and had gotten close with. Da best friend ones was about something in my past/history (g7) and the classmates one i think was just dem talking about me and they told me about it ooohhh i think it was my crush hahahaha. They told me dat my crush actually admired me a lot hehe. There was one time my friend (the one who told me about dis) was putting make up on me for a school film, and my crush was da cam guy and he told my friend i looked pretty. Sooo im pretty lucky dat- oh sht w8 i dunno if it's dis year but oh w8 no, it was on my bday last year (dec 20) and da same friend said she was sorry cus apparently da bois make fun of me or something and she was sorry cus she laughed along too hahaha but i didnt mind cus i know im weird and i dont even know what dey say about me in da first place hahahaha. Ok das it im done, i think ive overshared now hahaha 😆😂😆😂

19. met someone who changed you: my best friends. Ive thought about it based on wat sup losers said about change for da better and i dont rlly think of change as something dat happens quick, i think it happens over time and u dont even notice it. So ok oh sht i think im wrong cus i met my best friends 4/6 years ago hahaha but for reals tho, i was in a dark place and if it werent for dem i think id still be lost lonely and sad. Uuhhmmm in regards to answering the question correctly, i guess my blockmates count since they inspire/challenge me to be better. OH SHT W8 i def think you guys are losers and dead end street and tomdaya receipts and tout de suite have changed me hehehe. Da first 2 in dat dey inspired me to write more hehe. Da 1st one inspired me to do this so i think this counts as change hehe. And da last 2 changed me in dat bcus i met dem, i became OBSESSED w/ tomdaya hahaha.

20. found out who your friends are: yes, i have actually. And it's all because i am now currently a college freshman as well as my friends.

21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: hahaha my fam i guess hahaha. But no one in a romantic context.

general

22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: hhmmm i guess id say about 200 since i know 4 sections of around 40 ppl and da rest is like fam and ppl ive met once/twice or have passed by haha

23. do you have any pets: yaaaassss 3 doggos: albie, juju, and biggie girl. Juju has a pupper named tchalla called dat cus he black hehehe and biggie has 2 biglets named mermer (meredith) and crissy (cristina) cus they're sisters 😍😊😊

My fam have also had a buncha dogs n puppers before but they were either given away or passed away. My bro also has dis cat named bob and i think he counts as a semi pet since my bro's home is a fam home.

24. do you want to change your name: uuhhh i wish i had an alliterative name like superheroes. Buutt im pretty happy w/ my name :')

25. what did you do for your last birthday: oohhhh i think i was at my section's christmas party it was pretty nice n emotional and i spent da rest of da day w/ 2 of meh best friends who bought me cake n food when my own fam didn't 😆😂😆😂

26. what time did you wake up: 4 am to shit cus im sick, but fell asleep again and officially got up around 730 or 8ish

27. what were you doing at midnight last night: haha tryna stay awake cus i had to drink meh meds and failed oh so much and i think i was asleep by midnight hahaha

28. name something you can’t wait for: tomdaya content, chatting/being w/ my best friends, watching da stuff i wanna watch, tumblring, reading sht i wanna read, vacation, writing fanfics, learning how to do a buncha stuff (write screenplays, make films n gifs, draw better), my bday when i hopefully get to do wat i want haha, avengers 4 and smffh, and captain marvel and antman and the wasp too i guess haha oh and the incredibles 2 and httyd 3 😍😍😍 oohhh and crazy rich asians

29. when was the last time you saw your mom: on monday which was when i was at home and not at my dad's n sis' n i's apartment in manila for school/work

31. what are you listening to right now: commercials on da tv as i answer this long ass questionnaire hahaha

32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: hahaha i had to think about dis one but yah i have actually haha he was my gr 8 class mate n i like to think semi friend back den at least haha. Oh w8 but he doesn't go by tom tho, it's just thomas haha

33. something that is getting on your nerves: myself hahaha my shitty lazy ass procrastinating self hahaha 😅🙍

34. most visited website: fb specifically messenger, youtube, and tumblr

35. hair colour: hmmm black w/ a bit of brown i guess (ASIAN, YO! 😆😂😆😂)

36. long or short hair: neither, medium i guess haha. I like how long hair looks but it's such a bother n hassle haha. So i def would prefer short hair on a practical standpoint hahaha (im actually thinking of shaving the hair above my nape, yknow on da back of my head hehe)

37. do you have a crush on someone: well i dont have dat much of a crush on da crush i mentioned before, like i said haha. I have a crush on tomdaya, does dat count? 😆😂

38. what do you like about yourself: hahahaha nothing 😆😂😆😂🙍

Naahh uhhh i guess i like how much i love tv shows, i love meh fangirl self, and i like how diff n unique n weird i am, how i stand out, n dat i think my dreams are noble n worth tryin out. N i like how supportive n nice i am n im just chill on da outside haha. N sometimes i like meh face hehe. And i think dat im hilarious n weird n ppl should appreciate me more hahaha das y i crave for more validation dan consulting researchers hahaha (no one laughs at dat jokes and it's like im da only one who finds it funny and come on, man, i managed to make a research joke. Cant ya give a girl a break?)

n i guess sometimes it's good how much i care but sometimes i wish my feels could just chill for just like a minute pls

Thanks, man. I usually just focus on meh bad qualities so thanks for dis question, man :')

oh and i like dat i can swim hehe

39. piercings: i have holes on my ears for earrings but i don't really wear dem

40. blood type: a, i think?

41. nickname: sam, sab, and i rlly want to be called smells cus it's like a more me version of mels from melody hahaha

42. relationship status: single, yo. Oh w8 but i am married to my bed and fandoms so dey always come first. Plus i love my friends 😍😊

43. zodiac: sagittarius i think but i dont rlly know/care about zodiac sht. Tho it's nice if it does match up hehe

44. pronouns: uhhh i dont know wat to put here but i assume dis refers to wat i wish to be referred by ssoooo she, her, and a genderless pronoun in my language siya

45. favourite tv show: ughh i cant choose. Friends, grey's anatomy, phineas and ferb, avatar: the last airbender, black mirror, doctor who, and all of michael schur's stuff, and modern family, grimm, person of interest, pushing daisies, scrubs, happy endings, forever, how i met your mother, gravity falls, sherlock, and yknow wat? Yah, supernatural too and the httyd shows and suits :') oooohhh w8 and how to get away w/ murder and i guess big bang theory as well 😃 the end of the fucking world, legends of tomorrow, crazy ex-girlfriend, the good place, timeless but it’s kinda depressing so speaking of w/c game of thrones and west world and a series of unfortunate events and stranger things and scorpion and lost in space and for anime, let’s go with yakitate japan and boku no hero academia

46. tattoos: none, but i rlly want one and even have a list of tattoos i want (pretty minimalist), i just have to think of da perf place tho (both where to put it and where to get it) and find out if i can still donate meh bod if i have tattoos, but one of da ones i rlly want is smileys on meh fingers hehe

47. right or left handed: right, but my ma says im kinda ambidextrous n i kinda wish i could develop it hehe

48. surgery: haha nope, never. But in terms of an interest, i love grey's anatomy 😆😂

50. sport: ooohh my main sport is swimming cus my siblings are all swimmers so i am too. But i have played other sports for school like badminton, table tennis, volleyball, some water game i dont remember haha, and a combat sport in my country called arnis

51. vacation: christmas vacay and i cant wait huhu

52. pair of trainers: uhhh are trainers rubber shoes? I have a couple, i guess.

GENERAL

53. eating: my dad (who cooked our meal), sis, and i ate afritada (chicken dat's tomatoey basically) for dinner

54. drinking: just water, but ugh i have to drink da hydrite sht again 😑😒

55. I’m about to: finish dis questionnaire n fall asleep haha

56. waiting for: sleep n happiness

57. want: to sleep n write n tumblr n watch n read n for all my problems to disappear

58. get married: yeahhh... but i think it's highly unlikely, man. So i aint counting on it but i do want it to happen, it seems nice having someone to spend da rest of your life with :')

59. career: hahaha i'm still just a college student, just a newly minted freshman actually. But i like to consider myself a fulltime fangirl hahaha

WHICH IS BETTER

60. hugs or kisses: well, i havent rlly made out with anyone yet so im gonna have to say hugs i guess w/c ofc i love haha but i wish someone bigger than me could cuddle me for once in my life 😢

61. lips or eyes: lips cus they just seem so soft and sensual hehe. Plus i dunno man, eyes are kinda gross with muta (da sht in da corner of ur eyes when you wake up, it's a filipino word) and sht. And ya have to wear glasses/contacts if dey weak so it's just such a hassle. Tho i do recognize their importance n stuff 😊

62. shorter or taller: ugh TALLER. im a pretty tall gal so for once id like to be da lil spoon for once, for someone to be able to carry me and ya know all dat jazz. But i wouldnt give up my height for anything, makes me feel confident and better than everyone else mwuehehehehehehe

63. older or younger: uuuhhh for now i think it's a bit weird to date someone younger dan me, but for me personally, wat age i'd like to be, YOUNGER ALL DA WAY. it was just way less stressful and innocent back den, id give anything to go back 🙍

64. nice arms or nice stomach: haha nice arms if it means i can swing around them and they can carry me whahaha. But i do like em abs, i wanna feel wat abs feel like just once in my life hahaha

65. hookup or relationship: ooohhh i guess i fancy myself having a relationship for now hehe. Havent even had one yet haha.

66. troublemaker or hesitant: i am a hesitant troublemaker whahahahaha. Like i have all these ideas of thangs to do n sometimes i do dem but sometimes da situation n context scares me into not doing it like a wuss hahaha

HAVE YOU EVER:

67. kissed a stranger: haha nope.

68. drank hard liquor: haha nope but am looking forward to it hehe

69. lost glasses/contact lenses: thankfully i havent needed any yet whew

70. turned someone down: uhhh i guess the closest i came to "turning someone down" was being awkward around my crush haha but to be fair i think he was awkward too hahaha. And in an unromantic sense, i turned down a blockmate who offered to be my partner in an assignment becus i already had a partner hahahaha 😅

71. sex on the first date: haha havent experienced it if das wat ur askin. Maybe imma be dat kinda person after ive had a couple of relationships but for now i'll settle for someone actually being interested in me hahaha

73. had your heart broken: yes, by tv shows, and by da crappiness of life in general 🙇

74. been arrested: hahahaha nope but dat would be CRAZY hahaha

75. cried when someone died: yes, whether in real life or in tv shows, i have cried bcus of death 😢

76. fallen for a friend: look, man, my best friend's probably the most important person in my life who i couldnt bear to lose. I love her more dan anything in da world so i dunno if our friendship is something more dan da "typical" best friends i just know dat i love her n dat i dont wanna lose her n dat our bond's nothing like any other relationship ive ever had

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

77. yourself: hahahaha not rlly 😅 im pretty unreliable tbh and i make tons of mistakes and ill never be enough ever and just in general hate myself and have 0 self esteem hahaha 😅😅😅😓

But there's a chance i could improve tho, a very very VERY small tiny chance... but i guess i'll take wat i can get :/

78. miracles: hhmmm not in da way most ppl think about miracles in dat, it's da impossible event. I like to think it's a miracle that i have the family dat i have, da friends dat i have, and da life dat i have cus honestly i think i'd be dead w/o em. It's a fucking miracle i have things im passionate about and things that i love and im surrounded by ppl who i love and who love me as well. So yeah, i guess i believe in those kinds of miracles :')

79. love at first sight: hahaha not rlly. Look, man, im a fat girl who doesnt rlly care dat much about looks so unless a person manages to fall for someone while dat someone was doing something dat was a huge indicator of their personality and thus it's not only da appearance dat da person "fell in love w/", den i rlly dont believe in love at first sight. It's just infatuation, bruh. Love at first sight is cheap and u dont rlly know any thing about dat person other than the fact that they're pretty (why they caught ur eye in da 1st place imo) and nothin, zilch. Unless, like i said, they were doing something important to dem n indicative of deir personality. But even then, it wouldnt be love. Like i said, it'd be infatuation cus imo love is deep and takes time and cant just HAPPEN just cus u looked at someone and thought he/she was pretty 😒. True love would mean knowing dat person to deir bone but wanting to know more about dem. So to conclude a ted talk from a bitter person w/ a non existent love life 😆😂😂😂, love at first sight doesnt exist, is cheap, and is discriminatory to "ugly" ppl.

80. santa claus: hahaha i know he probs doesnt exist and is u know basically just capitalism n marketing hahaha. But i dunno, man, i kinda wanna believe he exists just cus it's more fun n childlike n innocent 😍

81. kiss on the first date: hahaha yeah i guess so but i think i probs would have had to known dat person for a while before we decided to date. I havent had a first kiss yet sooo i aint just willin to give dat out to someone i just met/knew for like a day or something hahaha (i have no idea how dating works) 😆😂😆😂😆😂

82. angels: huh... i like to think guardian angels exist cus dat means there are like angels of pure light sent down from heaven to protect us from any harm w/c is just nice to think about, yknow? Hehe. But angels in da catholic sense... i dont think i do, bruh. Sorry :/ *shrugs*

OTHER:

84. eye colour: uuhhhh brown, i guess? Like i said, i dont rlly care much for eyes hahaha 😅 ooohh but da purple eyes thang ive seen on da internet sounds cool hahaha

85. favourite movie: aaaahhhhh there's just so many good movies thoo

But agghh fine. Ive come to notice dat my genre's pretty lighthearted w/c is nice actually hehe

Spider-Man: Homecoming, Rogue One, 10 Things I Hate About You, Moana, Coco, Mulan, Avengers: Infinity War, White Chicks cus it's just so goddamn funny and iconic 😆😂😆😂😍, i'm not- ok you know wat, da Pixar movies in general ok? I mean, how can ya not? Oh which reminds me, Tangled, and The Princess and The Frog, oohh The Avengers is also a pretty solid movie, ooohhh Love, Simon, godhs dat was just such a wholesome sweet n nice movie :'), oh and den i freaking love the Scream franchise, man. It's so good :'), oooohhh w8 maybe The Dark Knight cus heath ledger was just da fuking bomb in dat movie, oohh and About Time's da sweetest time travel movie :') w/c reminds me dat the Back to the Future franchise was just such a classic, man :') oh and yknow wat? Unbreakable's actually pretty fucking cool, man. I get shyamalan know haha. Oh and yknow wat? 100 Tula Para Kay Stella is da 1st filipino film i actually liked so it has a special place in meh heart :')

ooohhh and Black Panther, man, gods how can one not bring up Da King™? WAKANDA FOREVER :') 😄

Oh and hey yknow wat? I have a sweet spot for the Sorcerer's Apprentice. It's kinda a guilty pleasure of mine hehe 😅

Whiicchh reminds me... the HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON FRANCHISE HAS GOT MY HART WHIPPED 😭😭😭

Oh and i also rlly like when harry met sally hihi :') and i guess the OG Star Wars trilogy's got a special place in my heart even if it is da way dat it is now 😢 :')

oh and i can't forget meh guardians :') Guardians of The Galaxy is such a solid film, bro. I loved it :') ooohhh and yknow wat? I actually rlly like Ready Player One, Baby Driver, and The Mummy (the brendan frasier one, who ya kiddin 😑)

oh and yknow wat? The Wedding Singer, 50 First Dates, and Music & Lyrics has got a special place in my heart, man. Gotta admit it :')

aawww and amelie, and begin again, and flipped and hercules, and room, and spotlight, and shape of water, and ladybird, and the princess bride, and the iron giant, and the lobster, and we're the millers, and what if and man up and shrek and kimi no na wa and a quiet place and inception and the lion king and to all the boys I’ve loved before and oooh tim burton movies are pretty cool, the animated ones, and I did spend a good amount of time obsessed w/ dis one so I guess cap civil war, and then big hero 6 and wreck it ralph, and the martian and inside out, and gone girl, and the lion king and forrest gump and spider-man 1 and 2, and les miserables and the devil wears prada and the book of life and the intern and the princess diaries and miss congeniality and aladdin and confessions of a shopaholic

And ok, ok, i think im done. Hahaha das it das my list of meh all time fav movies and i feel like rewatching all of em now hahaha 😍

[bodymindsconnect]

Best routine to gainback muscle memory?

Hello guys I've been working out consistently keeping track of the macros hardcore for about a year until about last summer of 2017 leading into college where it got a bit hectic and I couldn't workout as much and ate like sht so I lost a lot of gains. Lifts: *Squat*: Previous 255lb Now: 185lb *Bench*: Previous 165-175lb Now: 145lb *Deadlift*: Previous 275-295lb Now: 205lb *OHP*: Previous 125lb Now: 105lb *Bent-Over Row*: Previous 165lb Now: 135lb As you can see my gains have significantly reduced moreover on my squat/dl since I got injured on my leg and with school being stressful. Now that I'm healthy and finished my question is should I go back to my old roots doing ICF 5X5 3x a week? Or do an Upper/Lower or 5x program which I've been thinking about doing. The upside is the amount of free time I have now that I feel like could be used to maximize gains but I make fast linear progress.   Thoughts on what I should do and what you guys have done when you've lost significant gains and need motivation to workout again? I was thinking of doing Metallicadpa's / Cools PPL routine to maxamize the time I have.

from Bodybuilding News Updates https://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=175715471&goto=newpost via IFTTT

[kikippe]

July 2017 (3) 🌻🌻🌻

So, as now we’re still in July 15th, but i think I gotta post the rest until today (3 more i guess) even though it’ll be short but I’ll edit this post and add the question per day as we go! 

ANYWAYYYYYY, today is July 15th! means! It’s been a year since I came to epilogue on stage live jp edition in ngo! *SCREAMS IN ARABIC* first concert after the storms I got year before that got me back to my sense (gig-wise, and life-wise in general lmao, there I type lmao) I’m gonna edit some of audio sounds which I haven’t posted before because I gotta put: miss right, INU, and whalien live somewhere on the web. they’re total gems *cries* AND THE WORLD NEEDS TO KNOW THAT (if only they care to read this shitty post LMAO)

anyway (9999) lets roll not drool (thafak?)

July 13th:  what you wore today? 

My fav minty green blouse (super light super loose because it’s hot asf i can’t with jp nasty summer hewlp) that i got frm my auntie, i think she bought it at primark lols

Strdivrs’ MOM fitted jeans JUST BECAUSE. Yknow give your thighs a rest :))

Strdivrs’ gucci look a like black loafers bc I am not taetae I couldn’t afford gucci thankyou v much.

My one and only and current fav olivia burton’s black flowery watch that I got from my cuzzy (after threatening him lmao nope jk jk)

With the usual black midi long champ bc i just have one particular bag 🤣🤣 and it has to be black so i don’t have to think how to match (I passed that phase back in uni when I have lotsa coloured FAKE longchamps to match with my omg outfit choices what even 🤣🤣🤣 dark days) at least this one is genuine :)))) because i’m a grown ass woman (really kiki this is how you define grown up?) thats why i just have one. :))).

And i always bring my kuki’s fan in the summer w/ me since last year. (Not something i wear but who cares i just want to mention this important stuff. Ya hear me?) please just deal with my sht

July 14th: how are you creative

UGH. Ok first I’m not good with words let alone writing so I’ll prolly just mess this up while trying to explain my point. Or i’ll miss the point of this question entirely in the middle, or right from the start. My brain though. You’ve been warned. 

Umm, I think I just slightly above of creativity level which the average human being has. I got my own sense of aestheshit (I like to call this one rather than aesthetic bc I AM OBVS NOT) even though it’s not on 10k pins on pinterest or 100k reblogs on tumblr OR 1M likes on instagram level YET. I’d say I could take a good picture bc i love taking picture but it depends on my mood, mostly I focused more on portrait and I think this is just because of my nature on liking human being in general :)). Sometimes I take a decent pict with scenery too :p. Speaking of scenic pict, I love sky the most so I always take beyond extra effort (I guess this is more extra than the average ppl who love the sky as much as me). BUT sadly I still haven’t found the decent rooftop / hills around here to watch the sunset. So mostly I’m channeling my creative ass to take decent pict from my sad sad balcony (BECAUSE IT’S ONLY ON 2nd lvl sad hahah) or in the middle of the sea of jp ppl throwing weird look at this weird af foreigner lifting her phone up just to take the pict of twilight. (but jp has a beautiful twilight in all seasons SIGH I GOTTA ADMIT THS) 

P.S: my creativity lvl in every single aspect of creativity that exists in this world will sky rocket to level 999999 overload in one day before any deadline I have.

P.S.S: I don’t like to use other people picts (like from pinterest or something) to be put in any of my identification (the heck is this? I mean my profile pict or something like that haha, but reblogging is totally a different thing ok bc you TOOK CREDIT FOR THAT) I know this is not related but I just wanna say I respect peoples works (even though they don’t mind, but I’m sure that 85% of em won’t like it) and my works are nothing compare to tons of aestheshit picts out there but at least they are mine and i’m proud of em! :*

July 15th: the best part of summer

SUMMER MUSIC FEST AKA THE HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH IDK A DISNEYLAND YOU HEAR ME. 

full stop. heart eyes. huge grins. and a freaking boom boom heart. 

[osdd-1bitch]

Promised ‘Mike scrolls tho the wonderland sys tags’ posts.

tw for ableism and some homophobia

*deep sigh*, to preface this long post, the wonderland system is/was a a system on tiktok who doesnt fit many peoples preconceived notions on what a DID system looks like. they have a lot of alters, nonhuman alters, a big headspace ect. so a bunch of very uneducated singlets, ableist people, and the rest dogpiled them. i mean literally making wikis and collaborative google documents about them. its incredibly weird and gross and there are a lot of deeply misinformed tiktoks on that tag im gonna give my thoughts on here.

okay so. this is me just going thru vids and talking abt them if i see one i think i could comment on but its mostly singlets asking basic questions or making fun of things we've known abt the disorder since the 90s and just..i dont recommend looking into it on your own. singlets please do basic research challenge i am so so tired.

shoutout to those ppl in this tag calling out the misinfo and blatent ableism yall are wonderful .

clarifications before we start:

1) even if these are purely jokes they arent funny and are mocking aspects of a stigmatized disorder/sowing doubt in completely possible things. ik you didnt even google DID/OSDD-1 before making your tiktok and i dont really care, that is entirely on you. and also its just ableism and annoying, yall are harassing and making whole wikis about a teenager its gross. yall literally brought kalvin garrah back to have cringe takes on DID/OSDD-1 if anyone is harming this community its you guys. and also the mocking of other disorders and disabilities? mm no.

2) i am not gonna be linking or saying any names. i dont condone these tiktokers being harassed no matter how sht they are acting, kindly dont go out of your way to spread hate or send messages or whatever but spreading actual info is appreciated.

3) if you have been harassing the wonderlandsystem kindly unfollow and block us. yall are gross.

4) im not gonna b talking abt the wonderland system directly, just the ppl talking abt them dont come at me w 'well they did (x)' i really dont care and it doesnt change the ableism towards them which is unacceptable.

-Mike/Author (he/him)

cw for general ableism / homophobia ect

--------

1) 'hospitals? so they have schools? and all the history that happened to make hospitals? and-'

omg you have a human alter? so you have all the billions of years of history in your headspace to make humans evolve and exist in the first place?

no. the brain can take in things from outside. this take is so incredibly asinine i dont understand how people are unironically asking this bc this could apply to literally anything bc...we as a species, and this planet all has billions of years of history. you dont need to review literally every second of history to have a alter thats a human or DID wouldnt form...literally what do you meannnn

2) 'how do the nonhuman alters know how to use tiktok??'

alters can....learn things. and talk to people. and they have a human body. nonhuman alters can be perfectly capable of learning how to function in a human body. they arent static entities. thats like asking how a 60 year old knows how to use tiktok. they have hands and and a brain people.

3) 'lol (x) species of alter??'

yes. why not.

4) '(making fun of alters having different opinions)'

they have...different personalities...and memories...and everything....why is this not allowed if they can have different accents??? yes some alters have sht opinions some ppl have sht opinions why is this funny to you.

5) 'alter is (age)!11!'

and?

6) 'they have 272 alters!!'

there have been recorded cases of more. there is literally a term for having lots of alters (and other symptoms associated) called 'polyfragmented'. also, there are people citing psychologists, to those, do they specialize in DID/OSDD-1? secondly, with the years of medical malpractice and the extremely outdated views from some of these people (many who dont even think DID/OSDD-1 exists), have any proof these people are knowledgeable on larger systems or any reason their opinion is valid?

there is no limit to how many alters/sysmates a system can have and there is no reason to make one up.

7) 'alters dating!1!'

why not.

8) 'thats inc3st11!!'

no.

9) 'DID/OSDD-1 is so rare, professionals cant agree it exists!!!'

professionals have argued if literally any disorder ever has existed. ive met a therapist who told me that nonverbal people were liars and faking. literally everything even depression has people who should be educated acting real weird that isnt proof.

also DID alone: 1-3% and its highly misdxed and probably under dxed. excluding all the other forms of OSDD-1, so disordered systems are a lot more common.

also tiktok has....an algorithm. there have been huge plural communities since forever. we have cons and meetings. what.

10) 'can the nonhuman alters/littles do (basic task)?'

maybe and maybe not. why are you so interested, and why are you laughing anyways? 'haha 3 year old alter doesnt know how to drive' why is this funny.

11) 'haha (situation) but its (alter)'s turn to front'

i dont understand why a system allowing its alters to express themselves and use the body is so funny to you? haha they have a healthy dynamic and can agree with each other on something that works?

12) 'trauma has to be rlly bad to have nonhuman alters1!!1'

no. being dehumanized in any way, or believing something nonhuman can help in some way can cause a nonhuman alter to form.

13) 'you have to be really traumatized to have a big system!1!'

okay then why are you harassing them. also big systems are a thing...and have been a thing. some systems are more prone to splitting for various reasons. calm down. or can people w ptsd not use the internet?

14) 'haha an alter is a skeleton'

considering how these people are the same ones saying you need a ton of trauma for any nonhuman alter the only reason in their minds for a skeleton would be d3@th related trauma that is incredibly extreme and nothing else. im not sure how that works well you are simultaneously making fun of the fact of forming an alter around that exact scenario/how that alter could act. make it make sense.

15) 'haha gatekeeper doing their job'

what. huh? i literally do not understand this. you do know thats what...gatekeepers do, correct?

16) 'they are queer, and have a lot of makeup and stuff'

queer kids tend to go through trauma my guy bc of homophobic ppl and stuff. also traumatized ppl tend to enjoy not looking the way they did well being absed. and it looks nice? we arent allowed to have aesthetics or look nice?

also @ that one guy who called it a 'symptom of did' fck you personally that wasnt a genuine question and was incredibly rude, both to queer people, and to systems, and we are both aware of that.

17) 'haha google doc haha discord server haha wiki'

why are you ppl so invested? but okay

18) '(actually informative video)'

thank you yall are the only good thing in this tag

19) 'they went private11!!1'

yeah probably bc of harrasment by dipshts like you?

20) 'alters can marry? this implies they have a chu-'

first response. also you dont need a specific couples therapist to help in a married relationship, they can just get a outside therapist or solve it internally and ig get divorced. they dont need a court or whatever bc its internal aaaaa please think for five seconds im begging you

21) 'how do they get food is the island self sustaining'

ah yes, my mentally constructed island must follow real world physics and our societies constructed rules of money and trading routes. there is no other option for my completely mental headspace to follow./sarc

no. what? no.

22) '(hunger games)'

you people are weird af seriously. like /gen this is weird, kindly leave them tf alone.

23) 'bc (alter) is rightwing, that means there is internal racism in the headspace'

no. alters can...interact...and have opinions....on the outside world....the leap of logic here

24) '(alter) is (big number) age!1! so that must correlate to real world experiences/history'

no. why.

25) '21 pilots bad'

this is such a strange tiktok to me. have we not grown past this age of cringe culture? 'haha band is liked by teen girls? bad.' that is literally the extent of your logic. why post this?

26) 'haha innerworld big'

why...not. why is there a size limit? whats the logic here? does it have to be a empty plane with two chairs? are systems not allowed to have nice things or anything at all? genuinely whats the logic here.

27) 'haha neopronouns'

yall are still crying abt neos??? damn i thought we were over this. outdated.

28) 'is (real world person/event/thing) real in the headspace? i need to know'

one, why do you need to know. two, maybe? considering the tiktok in question, probably not. why do you all assume the mental construct of the headspace has to follow real world logic? do yall think they straight up jump into a portal into another dimension with irl physics and sht for a innerworld. what.

29) 'they split so many alters in this one year!'

yeah...that can happen. traumatic times means...more splits....alters can split in groups. wat.

30) 'alters are only formed w extreme trauma!'

no. big or small t trauma or even stress can cause splits, especially in larger/polyfragmented systems who tend to be more prone to split in the first place.

31) 'they all have the same speech patterns!!'

masking. scripts. whatever.

32) 'my psych parent says (x)'

and. there are psychs who dont think DID exists period. there are some still preaching 'silo' theory to systems. bad professionals are a dime a dozen in DID related fields all you are doing is making me think your parent is sht at their job

33) 'haha what if they switched in a bad situation'

yes...this is one of the many drawbacks of the disorder that can make life very hard to handle? excuse me? what?

34) 'haha do you think any alters like (x)? if so, how does (x) exist?'

alters can front. they can front.

---

anyways thats enough for me at this point. i might comment on the general ableism and general gross sht in this tag and how this system is just being used as an excuse to be horrible and how weird yall are acting well dogpiling this teenager but yeah.

[ilovebooksnanimals]

Now I know #foxnews lives on #conspiracytheory just look at all the sht #seanhannity nd #billoreilly have said about #mypresidentobama throughout the years 😂😂😂 nd this #republicancongressman #blakefarenthold just keeps the lies going but he wasn't they only one #mikeflynn nd son tweeted #pizzagate nd #trump uses them also 😂😂😂😂😂 Sad state of #america when these who control the power in capital hill you have to question there minds #commonsense #isjustnotsocommon Don't get me wrong I'm a #Xfiles fan #conspiracytheory is cool but u can't believe everything on the #internet how many ppl be posting this person that person died nd then u find out its a #hoax http://www.npr.org/2017/05/24/529809256/fox-news-retracts-dnc-staffer-conspiracy-story-but-hannity-keeps-it-alive https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.cnn.com/cnn/2017/05/24/politics/blake-farenthold-seth-rich/index.html https://www.google.com/amp/s/mobile.nytimes.com/2016/12/05/us/politics/-michael-flynn-trump-fake-news-clinton.amp.html https://www.google.com/amp/www.nbcnews.com/politics/2016-election/amp/trump-s-conspiracy-theories-aren-t-far-outside-gop-mainstream-n628191

[thattaekwondoblog]

My Martial Arts Story (TKD)

2020.04.26

today i miss my dojang extra... i woke up from a dream where i was supposed to spar but didnt have my dobok?? and one of my instructors handed me a.. dobok skirt?? and i was like? and he was like yeah u right this isnt gonna work sdbsmdfjsdd i dont really ever have tkd dreams (i think bc i usually am always doing tkd) but since i stopped for a bit the dreams are coming out. it made me miss sparring so much :( so below i wanted to talk about my tkd story in more detail. Enjoy!

i've actually always been a martial arts nerd, but moved around/focused on studying too much to commit to one until recently. I was talking to my mom the other day and neither of us can really remember what got me into it. I just remember wanting to be able to defend myself and be/feel strong from a very young age, and i knew martial arts was a way to do that. As a girl I also received a lot of messages that my gender was ‘weak’ and needed ‘protection’, which i really didnt like (it made me hate being a girl for some time). This is why i wanted to try martial arts. I discovered taekwondo when I was around 10 years old at a small dojang in my hometown. I loved the school & the master, who I remember always had a bamboo stick he would play around with when the kids started being rowdy (he never hit anyone, it was just his way to say ‘dont fck with me’ haha). but had to stop going after yellow belt because i was the oldest out of all the kids and i tried to go to adult classes for a while but i remember not liking it because it was ‘too slow’ for me and my mom couldnt drive me to late night classes. I was swimming a lot at the time too (fun fact i almost competed in synchronized swimming as a kid but had to stop due to illness (am totally fine now and it wasnt bad dont worry)). 

I didn’t do any martial arts in middle school, and only had brief encounters when i started high school. I dabbled in kick boxing (which i still love) through an intense week long training while i was on holiday with family, and then did a bit of karate, for which sadly i had not such a great experience with the instructor which made me distance myself from the sport. The instructor brought up a heavy personal life event during class and i broke down (what did she expect i was like 15 and that event was really hard). When my mom picked me up, she shook her head to her and said ‘girls...’ in a very demeaning way, as if me crying because she re-awoke trauma was a result of ‘feminine weakness.’ i have not forgiven that person for that comment yet. she shouldn’t be a teacher if she treats students like that in my opinion. High school was very competitive and intense so i focused on studying and didnt really do sports then.

In college I really want to do more martial arts, but the lack of proper clubs or instructors made it difficult. I then went to study abroad in seoul and thought to myself if i dont try tkd again in the literal birthplace of the sport what am i doing with my life. i had good experiences with classes at uni; the two masters i had had very different personalities (one was very outspoken and funny while the other.. you could FEEL the power of tkd when he touched your arm slightly to place it correctly sdhfskdj he was very nice though). I had to stop because i was focusing on my academic projects though. 

i then graduated and moved to the city, where finally there were plenty of martial arts opportunities! the first thing i did after moving to the city, even before moving into my apartment, was to visit my current dojang. i audited a class and in my head was like ’oh my god i MUST join them right now give me a dobok let’s GO’. I signed up for classes that day. The dojang master (my dad. my father, the love of my life (in the most platonic way)) was a seoulite (we bonded over that) and realized I hadn’t started my job yet so he gave me a discount, which i felt incredibly surprised by and grateful for. I started lessons the next day. at my dojang beginners usually get 3 private classes at the beginning to get the basics down before joining the group. after my first, the instructor said that i was probably ready to go with the group if i felt comfortable doing so bc i already had basics. i went every day until i moved into my apartment, when i had a mental and physical breakdown and got really sick for a week (like.. i dont remember feeling this weak and sick my entire life). 

But thankfully i got better and pushed myself to go to dojang again. and it was hard. it was the summer and i hadnt used my body really in years, if ever at that level of practice. three times a week as Difficult for me, physically. i remember being frustrated that my ego wasnt satisfied haha (i thought i remembered a lot more than i did). but i loved the instructors a ton and practice was a great safe space/stress relief for the other sht that was going on my my life. I do remember that i was ready to graduate from white belt and start feeling better about my moves by the end of that summer (i was pretty frustrated that i couldnt do higher level moves, though mostly at myself). 

i finally got yellow stripe and tkd things went uphill from then. i got to know ppl at my dojang better, started to go to practice more progressively. I got my yellow belt and decided then that i wanted tkd to always be in my life as much as possible. I started going to practice every day or almost every day. my tkd friendships were developing, there were small disagreements too but overall i fell more and more in love with my instructors, the dojang master (again, my dad) and the sport. we laughed so much, sweat so much, lived well.

after green stripe, my self consciousness during practice spiked a bit more than usual. this is probs bc my life outside of tkd was stressful and i was looking at my friend fellow tkd members who were higher level more. i wasnt jealous of them, far from it, i just felt small compared to what they were able to achieve and felt bad that the instructor had to stop to explain the technique to me Again. in case it wasn’t clear, i am no prodigy; i learn slowly and with long consistent practice. the two disagreements i had with my closest member friends (two separate very different reasons; we kept things civil on both sides but having to deal with that was a new experience for me so i wasnt great at it haha) didnt help my anxiety shut up during practice. i still kept at it. in january my school has an attendance challenge where you win prizes if you go every day or more than 20 days out of the month. I almost made it, but got really physically tired & kinda sick 3 days before then end of jan and had to miss one session. i was also mentally drained by life stuff so i decided to prioritize grad school applications and did less tkd in february. but that experience of going every damn day was so fun; i realized I needed to do this so much more. if there was a tkd seminar where they send you off somewhere to to tkd for like 3 months i would be down. that is when i realized my love for the sport, and the significant changes in my body that had been occurring over the past months really revealed themselves. i hear you thinking there’s no way i could fall more in love with my instructors but guess what... spending every day with them really made the love Explode dudes. In jan and fed i also really started loving sparring, even though im not great at it. 

and then... march came. i got lucky to have been able to celebrate my birthday a few days before they decided to close my state down. at first i was still able to go to my dojang with smaller classes and different format of classes that respected health guidelines, but eventually everything was moved online. during that week of limited classes, i got to hang out with friend members and instructors for what would be, unbeknownst to me, one of the last times. one night after (6 feet no contact) starring, me, 2 friend members who also went very frequently and an instructor had a beer on the mats just talking and chilling. we said that we would do it again the week after. and then the state decided to shut down small businesses. i was helping the dojang transfer their classes to an online format with another student for a week (we two were the members with the highest attendance in the recent times), but then the instructors decided they should not let students come in anymore. 

i was angry, i was sad, i was devastated. it was the sound solution to take and all these closings are essential and needed for public health safety, but emotionally i was not ready to let go of the dojang. i was angry at the circumstances for taking away the one thing that i truly loved and kept me going all those months of less than ideal job situation and lost of existential questions. the dojang had been my challenge, my rock, my family. i was especially angry because i had to mourn the loss of it a lot earlier than i wanted; i was already supposed to leave in june of this year. the closer june came the more teary eyed i got when i thought of leaving the dojang, but after the news i had to stop going now... i broke down. i cried so hard and loudly, alone in my room. i realize now it was the first time in my life that i cried because of love. pure, unaltered love. i thought to myself ‘how lucky is it that i felt this amount of love for something and some people’. ive moved a lot in my life but rarely felt sad when leaving a place; i often had made my goodbyes and knew it was just time to go. there were few or no things keeping me back, or i knew i would find those things somewhere else. it was also the first time i had let myself fall in love with something and people only for me. i love studying and learning for example, but when i started doing it it was mostly to make my mom and family happy, not for me. i didn’t feel like i had had a passion that i completely gave in into, a truly ‘me’ thing no one asked me or expected me to do but i just did not to have a better resume or be perceived better by society. until tkd.

now, i am still following online classes but mostly have my own training routine because it’s still hard to deal with the emotional stuff; i dont really do to live classes cause it hurts. it probably sounds strange but ive already done the emotional work of distancing myself to make the leaving less difficult. i also didnt really like the the idea of practicing in my room in front of the camera. seeing the other students on zoom would also make me feel v sad. im slowly getting out of that state of mind though and might start taking online classes again in a bit when i can’t do my regular training routine. im not sure when things will go back to normal but before i leave i will definitely send them gifts and goodbye messages, probably by mail. but yeah as of now i mostly follow my dojang’s videos, do my practice routine, and scroll through tkd tricking videos on instagram to keep motivated.

it’s kind of a sad note to end on but my tkd story does not end here. wherever im headed next I will find another dojang where i will continue to practice. i can only hope it is half as good as the family i found here. and of course now I have this blog! and will continue nerding out about kicking endlessly hahaha.

thanks for reading if you made it this far! you can ask me questions if you’d like! also tell me your tkd story!! its so cool to hear how life lead people to kicking.

[ilovebooksnanimals]

So these doctors r trying to say #trump is crazy on #thedailynews could be possibly maybe notttttttt #trump has been saying wild stuff for 30 years I heard a friend of his say nd I looked it up basically said more or less what he says now with a few flip flop here nd there. But u can sit #poortinktink down nd ask him the usual question do u hear voices have u tried to kill urself nd pull out em ink blocks etccccccccccccc but while ur at it tag the rest of the #republicanparty also nd some #democraticparty Cuz 2 of them said some stupid crazy sht #paulryan nd #toddakin smh #paulryan needs a throat punch for this Bs Paul Ryan gave an interview in which, defending his position that there should be no excuses for abortion, he referred to rape as a “method of conception :/ so you want a child who has been raped to have the child of her rapist oh nd this one Rep. Todd Akin (R-Mo.) justified his extreme opposition to abortion by claiming that victims of “legitimate rape” rarely get pregnant. There is more crazy ppl then in capital hill than in any #mentalhealthward https://www.google.com/amp/www.nydailynews.com/amp/news/politics/shrinks-break-silence-president-trump-exhibits-traits-m-article-1.2957688?client=ms-android-att-us http://www.npr.org/2017/01/20/510680463/donald-trumps-been-saying-the-same-thing-for-30-years https://www.google.com/amp/www.nbcnews.com/politics/2016-election/amp/full-list-donald-trump-s-rapidly-changing-policy-positions-n547801?client=ms-android-att-us