#im just kind of. i really dont wanna do any of it anymore like whatever that means idk but im sticking around anyway bc i know i have to
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#for how long am i gonna wake up.. and have my first thought be him#and then wish that when i look at my phone i will have messages waiting from him#where he said gm and told me abt his day like i had every day for a while..#and then suddenly get anxiety pain in my whole chest and stomach#bc i know i dont have any messages from him. and that we dont really talk anymore#and now idek if he would want to keep message me every once in a while#am i gonna keep living off of the high from one message from him now and then?#like idk :((( it's just so painful#and it does hurt more now bc... for a long time i still hade hope that like ofc we will talk!!!!! when he's ready to talk#we will talk abt everything and it will all be fine ^-^ i really really had trust and belief in that#like i genuinely thought that would happen. bc to /me/ this is the most real and strong thing i've had#which truly i understand is also naive and unwordly of me and also im very intense and emotional abt things#so truly i cannot get mad abt it only have been the one thing to want and to wanna fight for#bc yeah.. ig it just stings a lot more than just a crush bc to me.. like i sound so silly and naive but i should just vent#bc like yeah... i dont have any friends to talk to or a therapist or anything and i need to talk T-T#it's embarrassing but to me i really felt like i had found my person.. the person who i wanted to be the closest to in the world..#felt the kind of love where i would do anything and fight for it to even have a chance.. and yeah..#ig i was very naive to have the 'certainty' that .. i was just waiting and being patient and giving him space. maybe that wasnt actually#what he needed. but w my avpd i didnt know how to be pushy or.. like how to be enough pushy like he would need#without being too intense to push him too far away from me. bc im intense.. so i know that even if he's right for me#im not right for him bc i could not give him what he needs.. :(((#but yeah.. everyday i wake up w so much sadness bc i know i wont get to talk to him all day#and now the sadness is coupled with intense dread and anxiety#bc honestly i have no idea if he'll ever reply to me again or how much we will talk if we even will at all.#and the thought of life without him and not even have him in it even a little makes me wanna die lol#idk.. idk... bc i wont get to have what i want.. which is to simply be with him. but yeah idk... idk#it pains me sm that ... we never did talk to find out whatever was between us. and regardless of intent on his behalf that does make me fee#*i* am the one who valued and cared abt our 'bond' more than he did... but it is what it is it is what it is#it just hurts... bc i found someone i both thought and wanted it to be real with. but... i never even got a chance to try or talk abt it#which also is life.. if he found someone (twice) that he did like enough to want to try with but not with me.. that's just how he felt..
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one day ill be annoying ab my selfship again . although i enjoy that ppl enjoy my writing most of this is entirely self indulgent, projection, and for me . being so real .
#wispy chatters#i will never write inbox requests ever again ( /j... but only maybe executive dysfunction hits. )#( i dont know what to rlly write or hc w steven anymore and im in that weird kind of clingy to my interp era where like.#nobody seems to characterize steven right and i feel like im the only one but i dont wanna be a dick but most of its self indulgent so#ill keep it to myself. )#also bc i think i like. already put out all of the imporant steven hcs anyways LOL#ALSO also because ive been busy writing and rping selfship stuff w my friend involving steven instead of writing proper. which#preferable. this was mostly a side hobby to explode all of my hcs onto while i was struggling mentally#and had jack shit else to do.#sorry that i ramble a lot. no im not. this is my fucking blog . But yea#ive also been kind of negative or like. able to be interpreted as negative recently. which. yea kind of#lot of things and interpretations i do not fucking like in this fandom esp ab steven i just keep it to myself.#i just dont like fandom in general esp fanon and steven is such a fanonized character. which. yea he doesnt have much to work with#but hes got enough. idk#life goes on and all . maybe ill make a selfship blog... ill probably snag the url and then never use it.#im talking like im quitting the blog . i do that a lot. im not i just always do whatever i like even if i have 500 unanswered asks.#was easier to focus on writing any char i could in my depression era#its a little sad to see writing and hc posts and im like... i could get in on that. people totally think im a dead blog.#but idk what to add all of the main steven stuff has been squoze outta me.#not entirely but i put my full 100% steven into my self indulgent embarassing thoughts.#buuut yea thats kinda whats been. going on w me ig? Not really? fuck if i know
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grumble grumble. kind of want to call out for work, im deadass too depressed for this shit rn
#fool's monologue#everything feels wrong world sucks my body is betraying me and i kinda dont wanna have to deal with shitass ppl on a wednesday#srry for complaining so much recently ik im doing it a lot but at the same time man fuck. shit sucks. no shit fucking sucks#god i cant i wont like i need the money but im not even at work yet and im feeling angry and tense. dude one of these days im actually goin#to explode#anyhow whatever ill be fine im justt... too much on my mind and im being overly negative about everything. i just gotta close my eyes and#breathe and let the time pass me by and hope#im just kind of. i really dont wanna do any of it anymore like whatever that means idk but im sticking around anyway bc i know i have to#whatever whatever whatever. gotta suck it up and move#mfw i keep lying to my doctors and telling them im managing symptoms but i am not im just swallowing it up again#like its gonnabe fine ergh fuck. right. whatever. like im. scrambled thoughts and feelings thats all itll be im gonna jump over this im jus#man who fucking cares im gonna get over this in a few hours idgaf.#its all gonna be Ayeeeeeeeee okay
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btw sry to the ppl who came for fanart and get blasted w all the oc stuff LMAOOO
its nothing new but i fell out of a few fandoms, gnshn mainly. due to all the ongoing drama w hoyogames caused by the fandom over the stupidest things (im not involved or get involved in any of that but it always happened i saw stuff here and there on my tl and its just wow), then all the stupid shit hyv pulled in the past months and get away with constantly, then how extremely time consuming and demanding and repetitive everything became etcetcetc i kinda have issues with playing their games. theres jsut no energy or interest left bc all this above is kinda outweighing anything that made me enjoy it before?
(i still adore a bunch of characters and might draw some again but i really am not sure if i will get into the game itself again. im just tired and nothing keeps me there anymore tbh)
zzz is enjoyable as its v chill on time and the team behind it is a new one so the game is sm more different it rlly doesnt feel like a hoyo game anymore. hsr is also ok tho i dont always keep track w it lately, sometimes i just get a bit bored of it when theres nothing interesting baiting me into finishing story stuff lol
whaaat i mean to say is thats kinda why im not rlly doing much fanart lately??? since there was no major thing that had my constant attention and kept me drawing 1000 things at a time lately. i jump from interest to interest rn when it comes to fandom stuff and draw whenever inspo strikes i guess
rn im going back to old fandoms again and rewatching/rereading/replaying all my most favorite things for some happiness. im currently hyperfixating real bad on my fav animanga once again so i might post some doodles of that or other shows i rlly enjoyed and rewatched, maybe even fate or FF stuff again
i rlly have to say since i stopped actively playing gnshn/spending so much time with keeping up with hoyogames and do all my stuff there every single day, i feel mentally SO MUCH better and suddenly have sm good time to use for other things (also ngl i feel like having to keep up daily w those type of games/playing sm gacha turned me really stupid and impatient over the years)
i even got back to draw OCs and create a new comic again after almost 6 YEARSSSSS of not working on my own stories. im feeling really happy rn, drawing stuff that is not gnshn/hyv related be it my OCs or other things i rlly enjoy like alnst etc (its prolly also another reason why im going back to old, favorite things rn bc i wanna create for everything that is dear to me and i didnt do before bc i didnt have my artblog back then yet)
anw sorry for rambling sm LMAO i guess you can consider this some kind of an update/explanation!! OC art and mixture of hyperfixations, favorite things and whatever im into atm, NOT a gnshn only artist
#i really cant recall if i explained my current problems w gnshn before sry if i already did and repeated myself lol#felt i should explain and whats coming up etc#babbles#tbd#long post
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wanna make a post abt this too real quick:
i already dont post much! but i kind of dont like interacting w the postal fandom,,,
dont worry if you arent like. a weirdo school shooter liker or whatever ur fine . it's just. that on top of that it's just generally kind of been influencing(?) my delusion shit or whatever,, like i love postal and im makes me go crazy in a good way but like. i miss never being into a fandom!! i wasnt into the fandom when i was 10-16 (for obvious reason when it comes to the under 13 stuff but yk 😭) and i Kind Of Miss That (nostalgia!!! + previous reasons stated)
erm yeah.
also wanna state i dont always really fully check the people i follow sometimes, and i especially dont when i reblog honestly. but gonna have to start doing that if i wanna reblog postal stuff. bc it turns out a lot of people end up being. fans of tcc/school shooters n shit. and i can be completely unaware of that. people shouldnt have to skim every single blog just to reblog one little image!!!!!!!!
i might still post art for like... ocs (ive started making my own characters!) or horror movies i like or whatever. i just dont really like the postal fandom.. but thid post probably doesnt matter since ive been kind of lacking in posting art here generally since i havent drawn any postal art im proud of.
oh yeah forgot to add that weird. explosion of proshippers that tried to.. turn postal dude into an offending pedo??? whaht
tldr; me like postal. me no like postal fandom. me still post stuff but might not be postal related as much anymore. womp womp?
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i woke up and chose violence today
rant below!! an actual soapbox rant about some shit that annoys tf out of me
but still under a cut and unrebloggable bc im still a coward just an annoyed coward
"_ fandom is dead"
"the tumblr/twitter fandom is dead"
"any variation of a fandom being dead"
Im about to be under your bed
Is it really dead?
well considering im still following some moots of over 10+ years that still regularly reblog new art and fics for fandoms Ive seen called "dead" many times in the past, fandoms that havent had new content in years, it's probably not
also, the older the fandom, consider how much more ridiculous your claim is. if the media is from fucking 20 years ago and still getting art and fic in any capacity, I dont wanna hear shit about shit being "dead" because there was a slow month of content on tumblr.com
What is really happening?
well if its for an ongoing fandom and there's a noticeable slow period, ask yourself... are we in-between episodes? in-between movies? in-between games? the fandom is not dead, sheesh. everything naturally slows down a while after canon content stops being made. doesn't mean it's dead.
what is happening is that artists and fic writers and other fandom enjoyers that are still out here making plenty of "content" for you (to absorb in 2 seconds and then demand more like they're machines, btw) see your dumb little comment and look around like ???
like ok what am I, chopped liver? I'm still out here making plenty of content, am i dead to you?
what are you doing to keep the active community alive and motivated? are you actually liking and sharing their art? reading their fics and leaving nice comments?
orrrrrrrr do you only care when its your favorite artists making content?
its like. very obvious when its the biggest artists who arent making art anymore cause they moved to a new fandom or whatever and suddenly here come the "the fandom is dead" posts
i know from experience that it just makes everyone else feel like they dont "count." theyre just the backup "favorite" artists when the real "favorite" artists are away, because you don't have a choice anymore.
it feels so god damn disrespectful and dismissive. like thank god i will draw whatever tf i want whether it gets 1 like or 3000 but whenever i see that kind of comment I cant help but go "well the fandom is dead apparently so I guess I'll just throw my ideas and wips away huh???"
and most people are kind. i dont think those big artists would be very happy to hear you're dismissing an entire fandom's worth of creativity just because they havent drawn for it in a while
i keep saying artist but this goes for anyone who contributes to fandom in any way. even just posting headcanons and stuff is participation. and those fics need people to read them, after all.
ive yet to see any fandom actually die. but you will kill your creators' motivation if you keep saying its dead
#jennilargh#this time the post i saw even mentioned an artist by name as being the sole person holding up the fandom rn like ok.#if you fucking say so#also the amount of times ive seen people claim a fandom is dead that has been around before they were fucking born. ok
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not 2 be dramatic but also it is my blog where i can ramble about what im feeling whenever i WANT!!! anyway i like. feel like something is fundamentally missing from my entire being or w/e lol. like. i mean there's a very high chance i have adhd which does explain a looooooooot of The Way That I Am and my struggle at doing and focusing on stuff and things and my rapid rotating around short interests in things. but like i also feel like [and maybe this is part of adhd idfk, i havent been Officially Diagnosed just a lot of therapists and friends with adhd all tell me i probs do lol] i just dont feel motivated to do things. and ive been this way i think a lot of my life. i realized a looooong time ago that i was not so motivated by passion but by fear!!!!! fear of failure or whatever!!!
fuckin adding a readmore bc i ended up talking forever lmao
like in school. i got good grades but i never really felt smart exactly. i was able to work really hard and spend a lot of time doing homework and whatever because i feared the consequence of failure. i didnt wanna get bad grades [not even from like a threat from home or anything, i just was afraid of the system lol like i didnt wanna fail and then snowball into ruining everything for my future or w/e. like i've always been kinda 0 to 100 in things like that lolol]
but like i remember going into college like "well i am interested in physics and compsci so i guess ill declare double major til i decide which one id rather do" but i didnt really have a clear goal. physics i dropped first because as much as i like the concept, the classes were still hard and i didnt have any idea of what i'd do with it if i did pursue it. comp sci i at least was like "well i like video games i could do something with that probably" but then i nearly flunked and dropped the class lol. my fault for skipping an intro class bc i was like "Well i learned a lot of the basics in high school" bitch u did not retain any of those basics. anyway i ended up swapping to digital arts under that same "well i like shows and games maybe i can do something with that" and that did ultimately lead me to grad school for game dev and learning what tech art is and all that. and i was employed as one for a lil while!
but then i got let go. and in the midst of a really Hard Time to be unemployd for gamedev bc of the mass layoffs ALSO happening over and over and over and over, so despite the fact that i have some industry experience, i have a significantly harder time even getting interviewed. but a lot of it is my portfolio - unfortunately the nature of the jobs i had didnt really net me much in the way of tangible portfolio work, and a quality / updated portfolio really is what matters in this field
and thats where i hit my problem. i really am not self motivated or like, creative. i dont really have ideas. a lot of my portfolio was school assignments <- stuff i had to do. stuff people told me to do. even now, i sometimes do vfx to help my partner with his solo game hes been making for years, and thats my main portfolio addition source because i need someone to tell me what they want. and then i also struggle to see the vision of that sometimes like ive been SO STUCK on a specific effect im making for the game bc im not understanding the vision and also im not really around other tech artists or vfx artists much anymore. not like in grad school lol. even at my prev job i was the main vfx person so i was kind of on my own floundering around to figure stuff out- and a lot of times i couldnt. there was no senior to guide me if i got stuck.
so when i'm just alone in a vacuum with nothing forcing me to do things i just dont. i LIKE vfx and shaders and even python, but if i dont have a thing where i have to follow specific tasks i just cant think of anything interesting or unique to do myself. even a lot of the python ive learned recently was from a udemy course, which helped a lot bc it was structured with little assignments, explanations i understood in small bursts, and specific projects with specific goals. one of those i did kinda expand on based on what i learned to make a portfolio thing, sort of. it's out of place on my artstation bc it's not really gamedev related at all but its python and it's SOMETHING. python is a tech art skill at least. i can replace it sometime if i have more relevant things but i just dont right now. i dont know what to make. i have no tool ideas, or even if i have a vague idea i just go "i dont really know how id do that" and dont feel motivated enough to figure things out or to make that vague idea even somewhat interesting. vfx i just go "i dont know how to make this look more interesting" and get stuck at unimpressive points if anything. i dont have the designer or passion part of the brain that i kinda need to survive this and it scares me. i like the structure and stability of being employed because someone tells me what they need. i dont know what i'm supposed to do on my own but im supposed to figure it out otherwise my portfolio stays stagnant forever!!!
so many times people will like. have a side project. they learn from those projects. they have a vision they want to see completed and they pick up skills for that thing. my partner is a big example with his game hes making - he could already program but hes learned a lot of the art needed to make it work, because he wanted to see the game made. people have like their comics or animations or games or whatever they do, hobbies, anything that they feel passionate about and i feel like i just lack that passion. scared that i like the idea of doing things more than doing them even if i do enjoy doing the things when i do them, but not enough to like, get myself motivated to lol. if that even makes sense.
like idk. i at least have martial arts - i did aikido in college and i do capoeira now- but it's stuff i can only do bc i have a regular group i pay and go participate in with other people. once i dont have those group settings i dont do it on my own.
ive tried to get myself to learn musical instruments so many times but once i stopped taking lessons for sax or piano bc i got busy with school, i mostly just dropped them. i cant motivate myself enough to practice on my own even tho i did learn enough fundamentals that i probably COULD if i just. cared enough i guess. i always had in the back of my mind that it would be cool, IN THEORY, to draw comics or make a dating sim/visual novel of any flavor, a virtual pet, a farm sim, whatever. but i dont actually have the vision for it. i dont have a story to tell. i'm not motivated enough. ive looked up several times ways i might be able to use python to make a lil tamagotchi project to practice but i just never do!!! maybe i know enough python from the udemy now that i could but would i?? idk!!!
people always say you learn best by just jumping into it. find something fun you want to make or do and then learn as you go. but i dont have passion. im in a vacuum. even with my fics, i still like writing my fics!!! but i slowed down so much on those. because before, i was writing them to share between my friend and me when we were first getting into twst and based off a lot of inside jokes and ideas bouncing off of each other lol. fics, aus, doodles, whatever. and we still talk twst but she isnt caught up to main story anymore and it's not as much of a thing we talk as often or deeply about. i think my doodles got a lot more boring as a result and ive had less ideas. but i do still love the characters so so so so much and i do have fics i want to write... but it slowed down and i dont WANT it to slow down. i get excited over characters and games, and it doesnt really help me in terms of trying to fuckin Get A Job or Learn A Skill or whatever but. like at least it's something. i feel like my doodles got more bland too like i just kinda redoodle the same stiff generic things over and over and over again forever
there are so many things i can just do a little bit of but not enough to be like. impressive. or hireable. or helpful or smart or knowledable or whatever. like i can crochet a little bit. i can sew a LITTLE bit to get some simpler cosplays but nothing fancy. im not motivated enough to push those further to like "make my own clothes" or a more ambitious cosplay even tho i like the base level stuff. i can program a LITTLE in python but cant motivate myself to figure out what to do with it. i used to know a little hlsl and i know some node based shader stuff but not enough to be super deep with it. like more than a non tech artist i guess but not enough to make things that really look all that good 😑 i used to do tech theater in high school, but only really knew the basics of the woodworking and lightbooth stuff, not enough/not kept up with where i could do anything with that now even though i enjoyed it then. i was in chorus in school for like five years in middle/high school and i took some basic piano and saxophone lessons but every time i try to go back to something like that im dusting off the cobwebs. i also have always had huge anxiety so i coudnt ever have considered a performance thing with it anyway. whenever i was in school chorus production musical things i was only in ensemble parts or at the very least singing with a small group of other people because i never had the ambition or desire or bravery to try and stand out lol. i liked being backstage. i started learning to rollerskate but i only ever really got to a point where i could move around without falling over and then as soon as i started capoeira i never touched the skates again. even though it was fun! i studied spanish for years and used to practice with my father but i barely ever do now, even thought i knew enough to go to spain on a school trip we still were in an english comfortable environment and i really could just fumble my way through simple conversations in spanish. i dont keep up with it enough to like, be able to smoothly translate more casual dialogue or whatever and as much as id really love to practice that more, i once again dont have the motivation or drive or even ideas for it. i have a few times thought learning portuguese for capoeira or japanese for just generic enjoyment of japanese games and anime and stuff would be cool but i do. not. stick. with. it.
i do notice lately that the other thing. next to the fear of failure motivation. it is the community thing. i do capoeira not out of fear but because there are other people i go and do it with. i pay for the classes, i enjoy the classes, i do the classes with other people. when i was in school i had other classmates doing the same things with me. when i was in tech theater or chorus clubs i had clubmates. music instrument classes i had the instructor / it was something my mother was paying for me to do / the instructor would give me homework to practice and i had to be able to report to that person the next week so i would have the incentive to do it [another failure thing i guess but still lol]. cosplay i do alone as i make it but then i see other people at cons. i hadnt done new ones in a long time tho because i wasnt going to cons, and the only one i made recently i also had the motivation and deadline of a con coming up that a friend and i were going to go to together and our cosplays connected. theres community. but right now i have no job to worry about failing at, and no coworkers to bounce ideas off of. personal projects are in such a vaccuum i just dont have the motivation or self discipline. even the udemy python thing, some lessons are more interesting than others, and it's general python stuff so rn the recent stuff is like, good dev stuff but not gamedev stuff; but i have learned enough where i probs could take it and run but i dont know how or why or what to do with it!!!
i dont know if im even making a point here i think ive just had these thoughts swirling around my mind and overwhelming me for. well kind of forever LOL
#girl help this IS just a diary blog post here on tumblr dot com#mega vent post of me needing to just get my thoughts DOWN iv been typing for like an hour. SORRY.#i do not think ppl are gonna read that nor do they need to lol#but hey look at that. a post where i actually said most of my shit in the post itself and not the tags teehee#ughh im fuckin goin THRU IT lol#whatever i need to go to bed i have to get up and drive
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Do you have any advice for beginner artists/ how to make a persona
Also, i love ur art your persona gives off major Mettaton vibes/pos :D
Very flattering thank you :] means a lot hearing the mettaton comparisons
Idk how good my advice will be, honestly. Im not really a CEO on designing one. I just kind of try to find what works for me so PLEASE do not take the things i will say after this as gospel.
.
.
The thing is that ive had a good few sona designs growing up over the years and each one of them are kinda different depending on how I was at the time.
Though what I did was keep the traits i liked or consistently wanted and worked from there. Like the emo hair bangs or whatever. Thats something i kept around. I also took inspo off of the things that gave me a sort of gender envy. Mettaton funnily enough really is one of those things.
You might not always want to keep your sona the same over a while and thats okay. People are constantly changing creatures that are influenced by their environments. So don't feel stressed if your sona doesn't feel like you after a while. You can have it grow /with/ you. Or you can also just do the thing where you write off your sona as a shapeshifter like i do if you absolutely need a reason LOL
Something i also /personally/ learned is that the more I kinda added story and depth to a sona like I would an oc, the less i felt like it was me. My oc Dante was a sona for me at some point (if the purple shirt and emo hair wasn't a sign enough), but after a while of making him story-relevent and having his own actions and feelings i stopped identifying with him nearly as much and hes not a sona anymore. Hes still got a lot of traits from me but i see him as his own thing. He grew off of me.
So I dont give my sona any insane plot relevence or backstory anymore (at least at this point in time). Its just me with some added quirks and abilities. Representing my thoughts and feelings and artwork and how I wanna present sometimes. So far, that seems to work for me.
Sorry if this answer wasnt satisfying. But at least it gives a bit of insight in my thought process.
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[redoing my intro post!!]
౨ৎ⋆ ˚。⋆[ 𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐲 𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐠! ] ౨ৎ⋆ ˚。⋆
“ heyo! its me, ariadne! im sooo glad you guys came to check on my page! now, lets start by getting to know me ! “
basic info;
- my pronouns are she/her (mainly), but you can call me whatever you like! you can even call me dookie!! .. NEVER CALL ME DOOKIE!/ref
- im a minor!! so if your being creepy im gonna block you<33
- im a filipino:0
- im a hellenic polytheist (hail hestia and aphrodite<3)
“ now that you know all of that, its time for me to tell you the fandoms im currently in! “
- LMK (lego monkie kid)
- murder drones
- kids show fandoms! (disney jr, nick jr, etc!! oh and i also do korean kids shows)
“ fandoms are not your thing? dont worry!! thats not just all i focus on! here are some of my favourite music artist, and my fav songs from them! “
(psst! i may or may not post about them:0
“ getting bored? well, here are more facts about me!” (thatll probably convice you that i am a cool person and that u shld follow me/j)
- im an artist!
- i also write, just not so often;))
(wattpad is; Liii_Cheryll
(ao3 is; ririadnee_xoxo
- im working on my own oc story!! (itll be called the guardian of constellations!! ill be linking the side blog here once im done with the first pages)
[both my ao3 and wattpad are inactive atm]
- im a HUUGE [not]mayor fan, and i will never shut up about him if you bring him up
- the ceo of making nextgen ocs
- im also on tiktok! (@meiandmayorkisser) <- inactive ;(
- and ive got an art insta!! (@/ririadnee_xoxo, yes its the same as my ao3 user but we dont talk about that)
“ i feel like ive said too much … anyway! before you move on, here are some things i highly encourage you to do while on here! “
- honestly i dont really care if im being made fun of anymore, but it is a lot more nicer to be kind
- no being creepy! pls! especially if your over the age of 18!
- personally, i have no age limit on my blog:) anyone can interact!
- no venting/ranting about serious stuff on my page, my dms and my discord (nottraveller.melo) is always free if you wanna talk!
- read the room people, dont talk about serious things on a lighthearted post, youre free to discuss any politic/serious topic on a post related to that:)
- absolutely NO discrimination on my blog, please! this is a positive space!!
“ and thats all guys! i hope that you guys enjoy my content!” (i only post once in a blue moon, or when i remember that i have tumblr downloaded on my phone..)
(tags below are unrelated, just used to find my audience<3)
#robocar poli#octonauts#handy manny#next gen#next gen au#super wings#robot trains#go jetters#tayo the little bus#introduction#spamming all possible tags on here#kpop#taylor swift#olivia rodrigo#mitski#laufey lin#disney jr#nick jr.#genshin impact#art#lego monkie kid#lmk#the amazing digital circus#tadc#new jeans#Spotify#jake and the neverland pirates#ttte#jatnp#ben and holly's little kingdom
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Irt you post about the archives- Have you read any of the novels? I feel like some of them, like Joey's autobiography, help give a bit more insight to these characters, at least a little.
As for Nathan, I think it's supposed to represent that, unlike Joey, he really was a self made man with good intentions, and that highlights that Wilson was trying to live up to the shadow of his father and instead of being the kind of man his father would have raised, Wilson chose to be as vile as he is.
Memory Joey on the other hand, really is just a representation of this flawed idea people had of the man, only the good parts of Joey that he chose to show. The idealized version of himself that he saw, rather than who he really is. It makes sense to have that contrast there, but he really is just a plot device rather than his own character and it's a shame.
I can't say much for the others, because they feel very lacking. They have a lot of good moments, like the "I'm beautiful." "Always were." scene for example, but outside these moments they feel somewhat empty.
It's unfortunate, because if they had the time, team, and resources, they could have had an incredible story to tell, but limitations with money and staff because of the irl studios layoffs and TheMeatly & Mike Mood making really, really bad choices with their business caused the game to fall short of what it could have been.
we must have read different books because it felt to me like batdr completely ignores book lore
honestly i just feel like the books have been made irrelevant and theyre just kind of telling us stories about these random characters? like adrienne is doing her best to describe these characters but im not gonna lie, as there was some potential to them batdr has been a huge turn off for me for reading anymore (plus that upcoming book is gonna have a yet another completely new character as the main protagonist and im just... bruh how about yall expand upon the characters you already have because this universe is just becoming very messy and full of shallow characters instead of having fewer but interesting ones?? im not against new characters being introduced but they just keep on adding then and then it feels like what we're reading doesn't even matter in the grand scheme of things, that sucks)
sure we get an insight to joey... the only character that actually HAS a lot of complexity and screentime in the games so like yea i like joey and i enjoyed his book but again it felt more like an extra rather than anything that helped expanding the story or the world, i dont really understand their strategy for these...
nathan's and wilson's relation is just uninteresting and shallows wilson's character in my opinion, like what he says to you in game makes out nathan to have been some sort of a horrible father and that'd be kinda interesting and would make wilson a morally grey character
but no he's just a spoiled brat or whatever his archetype is supposed to be and we can throw away the entire symbolism about nathan and bockswell lotsabucks (that cartoon cat from the comics) and the fact that there is supposed to be nathan arch junior and senior making it clear that they changed their minds about the plot just to surprise people (even worse, they ADMIT to doing that in the interview that recently came out... as if it was a good thing ToT) but by doing so they just contradicted clues that existed there before that we could have gotten away from the damn books! like this just makes me not wanna buy any other books anymore because its a clear message that it doesnt fucking matter if we read them, theyre just there to tell us stories about random characters that also wont even appear in the games anyways but we will get 200 more audiologs from other randos we wont care for
again i gotta be sorry for being so negative but im just SO disappointed with batdr and with what the archives had to say
like whatever they are telling their story, its not a sin to be bad and scummy at writing (scummy as in not understanding that youre baiting people into buying extra things for understanding the lore and then making sure you surprise people anyway)
so basically
there is no use for theorising because the message is that they just want to surprise us so if we guess where theyre going they will just change the story no matter how much its gonna suck and contradict what happened before
i cannot comprehend how meatly sees that as a good thing but i guess thats how he wants to tell his stories and whatever makes them happy man
but i find it incredibly shady when you advertise your game as a mystery to be solved and personally this kills my enjoyment of the franchise
#im not saying im gonna leave the fandom but you wont see me theorizing anymore#its headcanons now only baby#and im probably not gonna get any new books#as much as i have a lot of respect for adrienne kress and enjoy her writing#i still didnt even touch the lost ones book tho i have bought it when it came out#and at this point idk if i will#im currently undergoing an awful state when im still kinda fixating on bendy but i dont have anything to power my fixation#in an enjoyable way#and it sucks!!!#ive been trying to get into other things and ive been enjoying different stories but it isnt the same man#bendy hit those very specific things i like about stories but then it started to hit the things i hate#and that is even not to mention all the controversies#its just a real shame#halfask#halfpost#bendy and the ink machine#bendy and the dark revival
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tell the class all your favorite parts about sova maybe? like what made you really fall for him and all of that!
ok this also might get long i am sorry. thank u for the ask tho its nice to hvae smth to do. either way uhh lets get started
ok so i might have mentioned this but i had a small crush on him a few years ago? i think since like 2022. back then i shipped with cypher and was super fixated on him but i think sova was always in the back of my brain as a crush, although at the time i only had him as a platonic. also cuz one of my good friends who doesnt anymore used to ship with him so i didnt wanna overstep or anything.
anyways im not even sure how i suddenly decided to latch onto him, i think my fixation on yone at the time was starting to fade and my brain just randomly chose to fixate on him even tho he was still a crush at the back of my brain lol. and look where we are now/lh
as for what i like abt him, i think one of the biggest things i like is how polite he is/kind to others. i think thats like a rlly important trait in someone for me if i were like to date someone else and hes just rlly nice in general and very lovely, hes such a big sweetheart :)
also ok im gonna sound crazy here but my friends keep saying im a circle bcuz he rlly fits one of my types which is like the holy trinity of yone vergil and wyll. who are all like, responsible, serious, yet like kind and deeply caring. and sova definitely fits into that archetype haha even though hes not exactly the same?? most of those guys arent exactly the same but theres a huge overlap of similarity with them.
i do also think he is very pretty even tho he is unfortunately white/lh :') (or at least i smacked this guy with the asian beam. get wasian'd) idk i suck at explaining exactly why i like this guy, again i think a big part of it is how kind he is to others!! its again just smth i rlly value in a partner, he genuinely cares about others/esp people hes close to like his grandma. and is very thoughtful. also i like that hes super down to earth and humble like this guy is incredibly talented yet never brags about it at all hes just very modest. smug people drive me nuts so im glad hes not like that lol. he also is very passionate abt his interests like archery and also he does photography! i like to think he also does things like hiking, birdwatching and maybe some gardening in his spare time. idk its a shame we dont get too too much info about val characters although the lore is always constantly growing. i do think he does like lots of outdoorsy hobbies hes very respectful to and attuned with nature i think.
sorry this is getting so long omg. im trying to think of any last things to throw in... i think another thing i rlly love abt him is how calm he is. it kinda balances me out bcuz i tend to be a really hotheaded person but it takes a LOT for him to get bothered by something, or at least lose his temper. in the lore we've never really seen him lose his temper or anything like that? the closest it's gotten is that one image when they were releasing fade where it was like a flashback to him losing his eye and he looked super animalistic. actually i think that in general for him to get that mad or whatever it would probably have to involve one of his loved ones being in danger. which is nice bcuz it shows that he rlly cares.
anyways this is getting so long so i will cut it short but i love my wife <3
#ask#answered#srry for the insane ramble#thank u for da ask tho!!#i love my wife <3#ky shut up#my post#ship: walk on memories
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omg thank you so much for replying to my rant with another rant, i love your takes on this show so much istg my brain is just his man 2 these days 😭 i also wanted to rant about junsungho because i'm so obsessed with them, they've completely taken over my heart. like even without a date, they've progressed so beautifully and naturally, it's just impossible for me to not root for them. it's the way junsung takes every opportunity he can to show sungho all his love languages - gift giving in the form of zero coke and cookies, the adorable quality time they shared when they were roommates and throughout ep 7, physical touch in the form of head pats to wake sungho up, words of affirmation 24/7 and especially through his phonecalls, and the continuous acts of service 🥹 he's so sincere and straightforward, yet he never does anything to burden sungho with his feelings. he never expects anything in return and just follows his heart, so whenever sungho does do something for him it feels extra special and god why is he the cutest ever 😭 i'd like to think that junsung is definitely starting to affect sungho way more than he thought he would (like hello, the 100% friendship turning into him being 50/50) and it's so apparent why - he looks so comfortable around junsung, their banter is so natural and the way junsung's phonecalls make him smile like THAT every time is just so telling. i really hope they get a chance to go on a date real soon because i think just the two of them hanging out and focusing on each other is what sungho really needs (what we all need honestly) 🥺
we are well and truly stuck in his man 2 land until this ends arent we?? who am i kidding, im gonna be stuck here afterwards too i seriously cannot get this show out of my mind and at this point ive gone past coherent thought, all my rants are just me gushing.
and you are so so right about junsung and sungho, my roommates that arent even roommates anymore but will always be roommates in my heart. there is just something so special about watching the way junsung has approached sungho, it honestly feels like something ive never seen before neither in fiction or reality bc it is just so pure hearted and sincere and simple. like he likes this person and he's just showing it in whatever way he can and not ever demanding anything in return, its the kind of affection that is like i just wanna see you happy and i'd really like it if i could be the one to make you happy. and there's something so special about how he's had such rubbish experiences both with coming out and dating and we don't even know the half of it and yet he remains this good of a person, its like in the face of the shit life has thrown him, he's stood resolutely and said i won't let this change me, i will still be me. like he is truly someone that is not hiding, and the way he instantly claimed his sexuality when forced to come out tells me that he will not stand for people making him doubt or feel ashamed about who he is. and you can feel that steadfast resolution in how he pursues sungho, and this faith in his own feelings that singled him out on day one and not wavering since. and yet he never demands reciprocation. that's why its so nice to watch, bc you arent watching someone pursue someone unwantedly, or make them feel pressured to return that affection. he just constantly makes sure sungho knows and is reminded of his feelings and sungho can reciprocate if/when he wants to. and thats why i never feel uneasy watching them, bc i dont feel like sungho is uneasy or under any pressure to do anything or change his behaviour or tiptoe around junsung's feelings. its pure ease, and thats why its so beautiful to see sungho slowly develop those feelings for junsung. its giving fell first vs fell harder yknow, like look at this person doing so much not just with this arbitrary end to date me, but bc he actually likes and cares about me, the person, not the goal. and when i watched the first ep of the show, sungho was my instant favourite bc he is so cute and hot and charming and loveable and kind and funny, he has so many sides to him that you wouldnt expect, and i adore junsung for all the reasons ive just ranted about too, so it says a lot when i say these two people are so deserving of each other, like i would not settle for anything less than someone who appreciates these people for everything they are, and thats what these two are.
and when we get that 1 on 1 date, bc i know its happening, i feel it in my bones, you know im gonna be in tears in front of that screen, with the biggest dumbest smile on my face, and i wont be able to move on from it
#his man 2#just clocking in for my daily roommates rant bc if i cant find the epitome of true love on a gay korean dating show then where is it#like they make me believe that maybe this world isnt so shit and maybe humans are capable of deep meaningful connection bc look at them#its truly shit you could not write and yet the forces of the universe made it so
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First of all, wishing you all the best of luck on your assessment🍀🍀🍀🍀
Second, mad agree with you on the hair post like😊
Third, coming from a lower middle/middle class area, i have never met a single person who was financially "normal" to this area or on the poorer side who would dare throw their electronics like chan has before. Even if they got richer later, old habits die hard, and you learn the value of money. I mean, I've seen people toss or flip their phone softly when bored, but never that hard or with a laptop or something, holy shit. You can tell a lot about someone by their interactions with not only people, but everything. The amount of times i watched an idol and went "🫵rich kid attitude" is kinda funny. And i totally agree with all the asks that came in between you and your mutuals and some anons, skz are all mad hardworking, but i dont think you can or should ignore or cover up the fact that they had the financial help and the resources to learn more and give them an advantage above the rest both personally amx through jype. Its kinda like college acceptance imo. And YES creatively free with many many many restrictions. Not even talking about k-idols, normal musicians have talked about the restrictions and requirements they need to have for their appearcance and the songs they released, i can only imagine being an idol is just exponentially demanding and restrictive. Their real voice is there, but it's smaller than a lot of stay think. Hayley Kiyoko talked about her company (label?) Not wanting her to write anymore songs about girls and Colbie Caillet has a whole song about her frustration that her label wanted her to write more love songs.
*incoherent noises* i could go on forever, but my god, cortana, play "we dont believe whats on tv" by twenty one pilots
And oh my god, i wish fandoms lighten up some. Its okay to not like everything every artist or show or whatever you like comes out with. It may even be healthy to not. When you love someone, youre not gonna let them keep fucking up and then you go "youre doing amazing sweetie", no, you have to tell them that they fucked up so they are aware of their mistakes and get better. Im pretty sure i read somewhere that skz mentioned thats what they prefer anyways. Sure its gonna hurt, especially since so much heart and hope, and hardwork went into it, but if its not good, its okay to admit that and that goes for every relationship ever. And if they dont wanna listen, then, thats on them.
Im really loving all the reality checks on here recently and i havent even ranted on about "i like it" yet lmao
thank you baby!!!! and tbf, i think they could look good in absolutely any hair color or hair style. except i never want to see christopher in another fully-red moment again. his lil red highlights or whatever he had recebtly for the mv were cute, but i'm not here for the full red like leave that man alone 😭
i was talking to one of my moots about this a little bit, so i'm actually glad you brought it up... but idk it's kind of embarrassing(?) idk for me to talk about so please bear with me im queasy lol. i was never some like super spoiled-brat rich kid or anything, but growing up i would say my family was very well-off or privilged maybe? idk it's kind of awkward to talk about bc i don't want people to feel certain ways about me but yeah. i think when you are in that kind of position, it's so easy to not even realize how advantaged you are. like there's that mentality of "oh i'm such a hard worker and that's how i've gotten here" when really, as uncomfortable as it is to admit, you don't *actually* know how far you would've gotten if you'd done it ALL on your own. not relying on anyone else... and not knowing if "just you" is good enough is a veryyyy hard pill to swallow- aka why most people disregard their privilege even being brought into the equation. it's easier to just pretend it doesnt exist. hence, i guess, why we love to think of SKZ coming up from nothing... it's just so easy to fall into that trap. and i feel like even the skz members fall into that trap themselves
unfortunately, that is the biggest drawback of being a kpop idol. in a way, you can't even be your full self anymore. which is sad. like not only do you not have full control of your own music (which is supposed to be your livelihood), but you don't even have control over how you're perceived. i talk a lot ab how i wish i could hang out with the guys behind the scenes, just to see what they're REALLY like... and when you think about it, that's kind of sad. i consume so much SKZ content, but even with all of that, it's very apparent that we don't know how they are when the cameras cut off. everything we see of them is specifically controlled by their team... except for things like bubble ofc and we see what that has revealed to us about chris lol. it's just so sad, but then again, it's exactly what they signed up for. (bonus points to u for the twenty one pilots reference though my god how i love them)
it's definitely not healthy to tell someone that they're amazing and perfect in every way and agreebwith absolutely everything they say. that's not helping anything. there's obviously a lot of stays who felt uncomfortable with the song, but imagine if no one said anything??? like literally everyone was too scared to say it and everyone just went along with it. theyd have a whole new comeback w songs ab not fucking liking you and just wanting to fuck and shit 😭 which like, power to them, but stays would just be playing themselves at that point lol
haven't ranted on "i like it".... YET?!?! oh lord, i'm strapped in and ready 😭😭😭😂
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hey I think your art is awesome!
I do have a question, how do you keep it consistent when you draw so often? for me it feels like if I don’t spend a long time on one art it doesn’t fit with the rest TT and your art is very precise and all colored— it’s really cool to me! (Like I absolutely don’t mean it in a dang you don’t put work in way but in a wow that’s really precise for not a lot of time. Way)
it may be just like. A different art brain kinda thing but I was interested if you had any tips or like general idea? Orr maybe it’s just a lot of practice also lol. and u know you can always delete the ask if you don’t wanna answer, especially if you’ve already answered it somewhere I couldn’t find it, I will just say hi !:) I really think your art is very cool! sorry for the anon I am the Shy
im not rlly sure i understand the question, sorry im stupid.......i keep it consistent because i draw so often. when i dont draw for a longer period of time, i get out of shape easily and tend to hate whatever i draw bc it doesnt look "right" (= how it usually looks) to me. thats why i try to draw every day, depending on my time its just sketches up to the doodles i post here. and bc i draw so often, i got faster over time so thats why i can pump out lots of doodles a day sometimes (tho hyperfixations/brainrot also plays a huge part in that, like with exorcist au comics recently)
also bc i stopped trying to achieve perfection long ago, i used to do that, spent hours drawing and often overdid a piece and then ended up not liking it anymore lmao. i kinda prefer the sketchy look in my art
when i do pieces like that tho i take more time ofc. unfortunately, im a very lazy person by nature so i draw such pieces once in a blue moon
anw idk what kind of tips to give. this is just lots of practice and hyperfixations/obsessions as fuel kjbjk sorry if im no help
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ive followed this blog for a while, [and i still rlly love it lol] alongside having been considered "proship" for quite a few years now, maybe half a decade?
however ive found myself lately just drifting away from all the spaces, and continuing to make art without the worry of appeasing an anti (or proship) demographic, i suppose. im sending this ask because idk if it's weird to just not hold onto the label anymore? im not Super old, but a little older than some other proships in the community, and i just find myself too exhausted to deal with any discourse anymore, and took anything to do with proship/antiship etc out of most social medias. i tag everything online appropiately, so i dont see it as an issue to preach that im anti censorship, but i will admit to being anti censorship/pro creative freedom should it occur.
just wondering if anybody else has had this experience? im just too tired to care anymore lol. if i wanna make problematic art or media then i just make it. i just dont care about appeasing anybody's beliefs in what i Should or Shouldnt be/debate on it, because whatever. being chronically ill i dont really have the energy for making art half the time, let alone arguing w people 🤷♂️
felt like sharing my experience. again- by technicality, im proship. but i guess i prefer anti-censorship/art acceptance nowadays.
p.s- [not to say these kinds of discourse blogs are wrong, these spaces absolutely need to be held and yall do a good job of it imo]
Anybody wanna chime in here?
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QUESTION ATTACK!!!! as a fellow kairi stan what are some of your personal hcs for her or what you wanna see for her in future games or just like. general kairi thoughts because you are so based for the rightful kairi appreciation
HEHE HIIII I want 1) playable kairi and 2) i want the destiny trio's dynamic to be flipped and for kairi to save sora and riku for once. emphasis on riku because i feel like a lot of fans & even the games forget that riku and kairi genuinely care for one another.
my ideal kh4 would have kairi basically go "idc if you dont think im strong enough yet im tired of just standing here while u guys need my help" and basically decide to go to quadratum despite rikus wishes and she saves riku from getting plummeted by heartless (or whatever enemies are in kh4) or smth and shes like haiii ^__^ and riku apologizes for considering her too weak in melody of memory (im sorry that scene made me mad because i dont think riku would say that hes literally the one who gave her her keyblade in kh2!! but i digress) and they go off to find sora together. but i dont think itll happen this way sadly :(
i loveee kairi so much shes my sweetie. shes so kind and i want to be like her honestly, i dont really kin as much anymore but if there was any character from kh i would want people to associate with me personality wise itd be kairi!!! i feel like i judge most kh fans based on how they feel about kairi because im like if ur not a kairi supporter im not rocking with u... idk... shes definitely in my top 3 kh characters i think, soras #1!!! (i love axel/lea but sora is literally my baby thats my son sora kingdomhearts)
headcanons?! i think she and lea become besties and siblingpilled because once she meets him and gets over the Scary she realizes. hes just a loser lol. And honestly i think she already knew that during kh2 he was kind of a pathetic kidnapper. I think she xion and naminé do fun girly stuff and force lea to tag along and he has to carry all of their bags when theyre shopping and pay for their fun little treats
That also reminds me since lea and kairi are both from radiant garden i keep thinking about making up some sort of au where they end up being adopted siblings which im not sure how itd work out i just want to imagine baby kairi and teenage lea growing up together :,)
#ask#THANK U I might reblog this with more cuz there might be thoughts i have that i forgot about. But yeah. im a kairi fan....
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