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Promises (future Aaron Hotchner x reader)
summary: A new prosecutor takes over the case where you're a witness, and he assures you things will be just fine.
tags: the case is a murder case with a hint of something else involving the reader, fem!reader, prosecutor!Hotch
note: This is a pilot, prologue, call it whatever you want. If there will be future chapters, it will take place in 1996 or 1997, when she's a homicide detective.
(1991)
Two years of preparation is now going down the drain, because the original prosecutor had a heart attack, so the case is being taken over by some guy called Aaron Hotchner. Great. Excellent. He’s young, mid-twenties, probably doesn’t even have enough experience to handle such a case, but it’s not like you have a choice if you want to get this over with finally. Hopefully, he won’t die or be taken off the case too.
Your parents were murdered when you were barely sixteen, and in the two years leading up to this day, you did your best to move on, building a life of your own without them. By now you were sure the trial would be the last time you have to recall the details of what happened, what those who killed your parents did to you, but now it seems like you have to talk about it a lot more to help the new prosecutor.
“I know it’s hard. I read everything Morris had on your case, but we need to talk regularly so I can hear what happened from you, and I need to get you ready for the trial,” he says.
Those warm brown eyes are watching you intently, as if he was analyzing your body language to make sure he always chose the right words when talking to you. He’s really trying to help you, so you can’t be mad at him for doing his job. With a sigh, you lean back and let your arm that’s been folded over your chest fall into your lap.
“He already prepared me, I’m gonna be fine,” you tell him, hoping he would get the hint that you don’t want that.
“I’m aware of that, but I need to get to know you better. I need to know what I can expect from you, so please, just trust me on this one. I know what happened to you, I know it must be hard to talk about those things again, but it’s necessary,” he explains kindly as he picks up a pen and focuses on that for a moment.
You take a deep breath as you lean back in the chair. “I won’t have to see Blake until the trial, right?” Seeing that son of a bitch is the last thing you want. Hotchner notices that you’re against it, so he shakes his head, assuring you that you’ll be kept away from him. “Alright, let’s do this. But I’m going to law school, we may have trouble scheduling meetings,” you point out.
He nods. “It’s okay. We can meet in the evening if we have no other choice.”
“You know, I was already making bets with my friends about when you’ll die or hand over this case to someone else. Call me a pessimist.”
There’s a faint smile on his lips when he hears this. “I won’t let that happen. Trust me, we’ll put an end to this. That's a promise I’m gonna keep,” he tells you.
And you believe him. For the first time in two years you feel like everything would be alright in the end.
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peko uses google
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how do i turn qantoine’s spontaneous marriage proposal to qetoiles into evidence of his early-days fear of qfrench drifing away and keeping secrets from one another
#the conversation takes place in antoine’s vod: L’ANNIVERSAIRE DE TALLULAH at 41 mins ish#like . okay . its such a fucking crazy moment to me that still lives in my head bc it’s a a joke . but it’s also not#he asks etoiles directly after spiderbit wedding . ‘don’t you want to get married?’#after it gets mentioned*#etoiles turns him down bc he ‘doesn’t have time to fuck [he] needs to kill everyone’#and antoine says ‘well but— just a marriage’ like it’s the act itself that is the most important to him not anything that could come with it#the confirmation of partnership . of having someone to rely on . something that feels to him maybe more certain and solid than the#friendships antoine had at that point . like if he felt things were slipping and he was being left behind he wanted the certainty of#something like a marriage that is traditionally considered More important and certain .#and i think the end of their conversation is notable in how antoine brings up the notion of betrayal — he getting betrayed by others and how#he’s fed up with it . after etoiles says no to the marriage (though specifying that he’s gonna think about it) antoine brings the whole#betrayal thing up after a pause . he doesn’t necessarily consider etoiles as having betrayed him but it’s that lack of certainty#certainty that etoiles has refused to give him that makes him start to open up about how he’s tired of people promising him things (or#seeming to promise him things) only to leave him out and in the dark . and there’s an insecurity there that really shines if you take this#moment into consideration with the Larger Shifting his character is going through .#like tldr ; qantoine has begun to realise that his friends are starting to form deeper bonds with other people and thus keep secrets with#them which to him means leaving him behind . taking notice of this he brings this up to his friends in . not exactly direct ways . he#talks about how he doesn’t like secret keeping but doesn’t seem to push much further and he also tries to remedy the issue#of feeling left behind by doing shit as discussed above ^ however on account of the InHuman i’m not sure he understands what he’s doing very#well . and as we know antoine doesn’t make much progress and ends up retreating into himself and beginning to keep his own secrets . to do#his own shady shit . to work in the shadows and not be honest with any of his friends either . to hold them at arm’s length despite how much#he still cares . the only person he puts his full trust into anymore is pomme . not ayp who he deems too underhanded . not bagz who he sees#as having started the whole ‘secret keeping’ stuff in the first place . and not etoiles who’s actively going down a path with the codes and#resistance that he cannot follow#that was NOT a short tldr . why the fuck am i writing dissertation length tags about MINECRAFT BLOCKS#god whatever who cares i get joy out of this thats what matters#anw if you read this far holy shit ur insane . thank you#i am going to bed now godbless !#jay rambles#qfrench.posting
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*opens the sam wilson tag*
#why why why why#look it’s. whatever I really don’t give a shit do your thing#but tell me WHY these are more than HALF the TOP posts in the SAM WILSON TAG. the *SAM WILSON* tag!#and then another quarter is about stucky completely unrelated to sam. don't make me hate on stucky y'all come on#🚬🚬😑#I feel like I could go into a whole fucking analysis here but better ppl than me have put it into words. I’m just so so tired#he deserves better!! he deserves better.#sam wilson
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sneezes
#tbh i never thought i’d be drawing this guy ever.#work in progress. working on it. making progress. you know.#wip#came home tired af but erm the uh. demons. made me sit down to draw this instead of going to bed#mairon#sauron#seeing him ginger for like 3 seconds activated my monkey brain#lotr#sorry for putting all tolkien stuff under ”lotr” btw but i reeaally don’t feel like having many tags. i’m lazy#also why are all the images i draw lately looking to the upper right. it used to be the lower left but now i default to upper right. why#noticing it more because i feel like everything i draw is too similar to my pfp. whatever
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2 hour rough drawing of Ehuang, my precious Green Opal child who I don’t draw nearly enough <3
#my art#artists on tumblr#the legend of korra#Kat and Nia and their multiverse of madness#original character#ehuang beifong#<— finally. a new OC with a proper tag#tbh it is much easier to tag characters who have last names#and we’ve never discussed it but I do think Ehuang carries the Beifong last name. whether or not she uses it is a different matter#I feel like she’s a Beifong officially she never puts much emphasis on it. she prefers the other side of her family anyway#okay moving on from that#next gens for next gens. quite a deep niche in reaching here#but I don’t care. I love Ehuang as a representation of everything good and pure in the world too much to object to her existence#baby girl. sweet girl#and yeah I’ve drawn her with Midori Opal and Suiren before so I thought I’d try something else#and while Kuvira isn’t actually shown here. just know that she’s absolutely tearing up off screen#you can pull the idea of Kuvira absolutely adoring her little niece out of my cold dead hands#wait omg I never posted my earlier art of Ehuang on here have I#okay once I’m done with my current projects I’ll refine and post those#the world deserves to see more of Ehuang#I feel like this particular scenario also hits some spot in Kuvira bc she knows who Ehuang’s bio dad is#and Ehuang looks just enough like him. despite being very similar to Midori. that imagining her with a beauty mark under her eye…#it brings Certain Ideas to mind. very fleeting and eliciting a ‘imagine that. I love this girl to bits but I’m sure glad I’m not her mom’#kind of response. but overall no one really lingers on that fact. I feel. her parents are Midori and Opal#Bataar’s just the donor. no one calls him her bio dad. he doesn’t see her as his daughter. probs Suyin is the only one who puts up a fuss#like not letting up about Ehuang being his kid even though he’s told her countless times that his involvement is irrelevant#he doesn’t wish to be ehuang’s dad. that wasn’t why he helped create her.#he did so because he loves his sister and SIL. because he knew they wanted a baby. not because he wanted a child himself#he’s quite content being her uncle thank you very much. and idk why I just went on this ramble lmao#maybe I should try to write something Ehuang related. explore all these relationships and whatever. we’ll see
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the lack of respect for the httyd books pisses me off ugh
#if y’all like the movies more power to you! i mean no I’ll will towards you! this is just how i feel! and it is wildly unpopular!#they were first!!!#the movies capitalized off cressida cowell’s creation!!! and then changed everything but the title and some names!!!#i’m sorry but when i search ‘httyd books’ and pretty much all that shows up is movie crap like…#don’t specifically tag the books unless it’s bookverse!!! nothing is the same!!!#and i Hate movie toothless i’m sorry they changed his entire character aND APECIES BTW#cressida names and creates so many different dragons and the movies really went ‘tehe let’s make up Our Own’#and now everyone thinks toothless is a night fury or whatever the hell and UGH#it just makes me so so so mad#i’m sorry ik so many people like them but as i reread the books now i can’t help but feel so angry at the movies#and the ppl who created them#like…. ppl like them more bc they’re pretty which is everything the book isn’t#EHICH IS THE POINT#they’re vikings!!! they aren’t clean! they’re dirty and their societal definition of attractive is Not what our world’s is!!!#creasida’s art gets dismissed So Quickly bc it isn’t perfect or whatever but it has more heart than every movie put together#the book art reminds me a lot of the m.p100 art whefe ppl crap it bc it’s a lil messy and it doesn’t fit conventional art beauty standards#but it conveys so much emotion!!! and then ppl tell me the books are too childish well#1. clearly you haven’t read past like book three or four and 2. wHAT ARE THE MOVIES THEN??? ARE TBEY NOT??? THEY’RECHILDREN MOVIES TOO!!!#ugh sorry guys the disrespect by the movies and fandom makes me angry these books are so important to me and ppl are so quick to dismiss em#you don’t have to read them or even like them but you can’t really be a true fan of the movies if you don’t acknowledge and appreciate thei#origins and that’s what people don’t do. they ignore the existence of the books and UGH the books are so deep and meaningful…#okay it’s one am i’ll stop now it just makes me upset you know#corey talks:)
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sonic and snufkin actually kind of feel like very similar characters to me. holding hands over “my personal sense of freedom and dedication to making decisions based on what I think is right is what matters most, and if you’ve built some idealized version of me in your head then that’s none of my business and it’s not my responsibility if the reality of who i am lets you down in some way”. also the deep connection to nature and all.
#N posts stuff#this is also a little why i am extremely picky about fanfic for these two#bc fic where like. snufkin finally settles down in the valley or lets moonin come along on his winter journey or whatever#they grate because it feels like you’re getting rid of a core of snufkin’s character for convenience.#‘he would not fucking do that’ style. i don’t like it.#like you do you it’s not a big deal it’s just personal opinion#the same for sonic. for him it’s less about being tied down in a literal sense and more to do with. conceptually#like sonic is a character very Unavailable emotionally and i dont think that’s something about himself he’s willing to change#i think that sonic is a very Internal person and his personal sense of freedom is such that like#he doesn’t Care what other people think about him. in sa2 he doesn’t seem to care that he’s been mistakenly labeled a villain bc that’s#none of his business. and in tbk he’s blunt about how he’ll happily become the ‘villain’ in other people’s eyes if he’s making the choice He#thinks is right. i don’t think his aversion to emotional sincerity or openness comes from some Hero Persona#i think he just doesn’t ever want to be put in a position where he has to navigate his friends emotions about his emotions#meaning like. being open about your problems opens you up to people who think they know better than you and want to force you to listen#to them ‘for your own good’ which i think sonic would resent on a lot of levels. so he’s unwilling to make himself vulnerable to that#but also even if someone isn’t Forcing you to listen you can still hurt people by ‘refusing’ to take care of yourself the way They think#is best. so their emotions become a coercive force intentionally or otherwise which sonic would also resent#and sonic doesn’t want to resent his friends. so he’s like ‘okay i just won’t put us in that position then’#i also think he doesn’t feel a need to Justify himself to anyone. so explaining his emotions or the Whys of who he is#feels like an attempt at justification that sonic would dislike and avoid on Principle even if he’s the only one seeing it that way#anyway ‘he would not fucking say that’ but it’s sonic having a genuine moment of emotional honesty#i do think that snufkin is more. Open to his own emotions though. and the expression of them#Comet ‘weeping over the sea’ moment my beloved. sonic Wouldn’t do that i think#i do think he closes himself off to his own emotions he doesn’t want to be tied down by Those either#which is why i also think that sonic as a character is informed by repressed/dissociative amnesia#like i Am projecting a little but i also think it makes sense for him. ‘who i used to be is none of my business i only care about#who i am Right Now’ which is another reason why he doesn’t like talking about his honest emotions#bc if he talks about them then He can’t forget them properly bc that moment is now in someone else’s head for them to remember and remind#him of. and he doesn’t want to do that so it’s for the best if he never admits to anything so he’s free to ignore and forget what he wants#In My Opinion. these tags got long i wonder if tumblr is going to delete a bunch lol
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sorry i don’t think i’ll ever stop being mad about how much better it would’ve been to use cullen instead of samson as an antagonist in dai
#like i doubt most ppl even remember samson from da2 while cullen was Right There#and would’ve made so much more sense like the base was already there !!!!!!#but nooooo instead they try so hard to make me think this guys uwu so sad about being an oppressive bigoted bitch#and i’m just supposed to accept that he’s better now !!!! without him actually having to work for it or even acknowledge his wrongs#i refuse to call what cullen goes through in dai as a redemption arc bc he does absolutely nothing to redeem himself#im just supposed to feel bad for him for something he CHOSE to do#(as in joining the templars not the addiction i’m not an asshole)#BUT WHATEVER !!!!! WHATEVER#✨.txt#not putting this in any tags i don’t want ppl to start throwing rocks at me
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cori is bi and shtola is a lesbian but it doesn’t really bother me when ppl tag posts of them together or whatever assuming they’re both lesbians. but it does bother me when ppl assume cori is a woman ahdhdjsk
#these are both relatively harmless (to me) and understandable. it’s not like i put an indicator in every post that cori is bi or non binary#assumption of lesbianism is fine to me bc that’s just about cori’s relationship to shtola#and not necessarily gendered. even tho i’m like fine with more gendered terms when it comes to their relationship (gf#(depending on who it’s coming from lol)#i’m less fine with assumptions of their gender/that they are a woman#but i mean i Get It i know how i dress them and present them on here ahdhdjsk#and i do kind of think of them as like. adjacent to womanhood/not completely disconnected from it#but still not a woman. ya know. anyway all this to say i don’t think ppl are doing it on purpose so im not mad about it#it just makes me wrinkle my nose in a way ppl assuming they’re a lesbian doesn’t lol#this was inspired by a post i saw about the lesbian assumption thing but i didn’t want to spout all these cori feelings all over it#so i just made my own ahdjdksk im not trying to discourse or whatever i think that post was v valid and understandable!!#it’s just something i’ve thought a lot about with cori bc it does happen#i need a text post tag#(*gf. wife) i accidentally put a comma so idk what happened to wife up there lol
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Long but relatively unserious vent/rant below the cut (sorry I added this in bc I realized how long this post is oops)
Being at the center of some kind of internet witchhunt (which ik is kind of buzzwordy but) is literally my biggest fear ohhh my god. Even a small scale one… I think I would Die. Maybe it’s because I had a similar thing happen with my friend group in high school where one of them convinced the others I was like evil and spread all these rumors about me… 😭 He was splitting on me but still. That’s an explanation, not an excuse. And it basically confirmed all of my intrusive thoughts about myself, and my personality completely self-destructed and changed, and I haven’t interacted with any of those people the same way since. I isolated from them for MONTHS and just loathed myself. Bleh
The reason it’s on my mind is bc I’ve seen this happen to friends and mutuals and even just people I’ve followed in small fandoms, where the whole fandom hates them bc of this little drama and like. I KNOW that fandom drama is not the end of the world, but truly I think that would destroy me for months. And I would never be able to set foot in those spaces again :’) Getting a handful of rude comments about a fucking transfem hc I had at like 14 made me stop writing fanfic for YEARS 😭😭😭 sigh. Just bc they said it was ‘out of character for him to want to be a girl’ 🙄 (<- character who canonically felt confident when dressed as a woman btw. initially for a disguise but then she grew to love it. BUT I DIGRESS KNSHFJW)
All this to say I think that’s why I tiptoe around everything I say online… I am SO scared of ruffling feathers, but I know that fandoms are places for like! Having fun! And it’s not a big deal! And it doesn’t affect my real life! But like idk.. I just hate the idea of being hated by anyone. I’m sure that I ANNOY some people, and that’s whatever; I talk a lot and make overly personal posts sometimes (like this lol) but I don’t wanna be HATED yk? And idek if it’s better to be hated and ostracized publicly or resented in secret by people who still interact with you… :( Agh. If you ever have an issue with me, please DM me instead of letting it build up into something worse!
ANYWAY LIKE.. with fandom stuff. Idk. I want to have fun! I want to write and post things on Tumblr and AO3 etc but I am just very scared of peoples’ opinions, especially now that I have a decently popular/well-liked longfic in DnDads. For some reason I have convinced myself that writing bad or self-indulgent NSFW will make everyone hate me lmao. Like girl the POINT of fanfic is to be self-indulgent……….. sigh I need to get out more
^ light-hearted… but also kinda true haha. I stay at home a lot just bc I don’t have many reasons to go out atm and only a handful of close friends to go out with. Hopefully that will change when I move next semester lol. And whenever I get interests, they’re VERY strong and long-lasting, and fanfic writing is one of my main hobbies, so I get REALLY into online communities. And rn that is kind of my little niche fandom Tumblr bubble… which is embarrassing and probably unhealthy but whatever. I just inevitably get a lot of anxiety about things that are important/fun to me (bc OCD), especially bc I’ve never really had mutuals/‘friends’ in a fandom before this, excluding my irls
Anyway this got longer and more vent-y than I intended so I will tag accordingly, and sorry to whoever is reading this lol; I just wanted to get my thoughts written down in a public forum bc idk… Makes me feel less insane when ik other people can see it, too. Helps me not take it too seriously and spiral lol.
#vent#cw vent#rant#delete later#<- like tomorrow morning I’m shre#usually I delete stuff like this immediately but I’ll try to keep it up#was talking to my mom earlier about OCD and intrusive thoughts and whatnot….#she definitely has it too. like undoubtedly#her intrusive thoughts and compulsions sounded exactly like mine#which sucks for me bc my dad ALSO definitely has OCD (in a more outwardly recognizable way) so! wahoo! double whammy#just feeling kinda defeated about mental health stuff#I feel like it’s never gonna get better#I need to go to therapy or a psychiatrist or SOMETHING#it’s been like 4 years now since I was originally supposed to go lol#and I keep putting it off out of fear (I think)#my friends (irls) have all been getting diagnoses and prescriptions lately#which is exciting for them but :( idk. I feel like there’s no way to medicate whatever I’ve got going on except SSRIs????#and I don’t really want that#mostly though I’m just scared of going back to therapy or to a psychiatrist bc I think they’ll think I’m lying or crazy or whatever#which sounds stupid when I write it out but idk#I should probably keep a journal but when I’m only writing for my own eyes I just kinda wallow in it and write concerning poetry lol#I like journaling in a way other people can see (even if y’all DON’T like seeing it lmaoooo) bc it makes it feel more real?#and out of my head.. concrete etc.#wackyposting#<- seriously need to change that tag still lol
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In my...✨ depression bed ✨ phase <3
#vent#oho five hours babeeee hungry AND hot AND depressed?? what is this?? my birthday?#hahaha yeaap. it’s cool it’s cool I’m chillin#just vibin. head feels. weird. but I don’t entirely know what up with that it could be a few things if I’m being honest lol#hmmgf when was the last time I just. laid here this often?#laid? layd? layed?? whatever lol#hmm I found a fuckin uhh. vent diagram thing that showed BPD ASHD and Autism and their specific traits and overlaps#is uh. uhm. too close!! like sir!! who gave you!! permission!!!!#oofy anyways uhmmmmmm. realized that I!! don’t interact with people!! as much as I did when I was younger!!#like I had my classmates. my friends. my family. the ppl on tumblr and stuff. yknow#I was talking to someone and shit like!! every day!! for multiple hours!! a day!!!!#now it’s like. wow boy howdy. what are the chances I y’all for more than an hour with LITERALLY ANYONE today :)#uhhghgh gross ew ew nasty. I totally. don’t care that I’m not getting my enrichment#I’ll jus read tags on my art and look through old messages in place of actually. talking to anyone#mmm. conversations hard. hate talking about myself. don’t know anything besides myself. hate certain topics (but won’t say anything bout it)#anndd yeaa!! I don’t understand ppl and their motives and why they like me specifically. I put on my best personality for youu#I’m playing off of you and mirroring how you act so you’ll be ok with me <3 but that’s ok I suppose. I don’t think anyone here is out for my#guys so I’m doing good at least somewhat lol. ahmm. you ever not care about being something special to someone else. and then they kindaa.#squash that idea? and in theory you shouldn’t care since you didn’t want it in the first place but. them saying it hits? different? like oou#oh and question I don’t expect anyone to answer. you ever cried cus. someone aid you were their friend? best friend specifically? idk man#2 ppl have said I’m their best friend an I had to literally force myself not to get emotional at the first one and then I legitimately cried#with the second one LMAO like. how ridiculous is that yea? yeah#it’s. yeah. I’ve called ppl my bffs or whatever before but. it’s different when someone says it to you first ig. before I think they only#gave me the label out of convenience. not that we weren’t actually friends (at least I hope we were DHHDV) but. idk!! I literally yearned#for like!! basic shiittt!! I got put in time out like beginning of kindergarten cus I cried over my 1st best friend partnering with a new#girl instead of me!!! 😭 woof. that was the ONLY time I ever cried in public EVER. didn’t matter how many time I got hurt physically or#emotionally or how stressed I got or how confused or embarrassed and humiliated I was!! I’m NEVER letting people look at me like I’m stupid#for caring EVER. AGAIN. woof ok getting off the rails here I was like at least sort of ok when I started writing this but now I’m very much#NOT lololol so uhhhhhhhhhhh. anyways. let you get back to scrolling or swiping or whatever. I’ll be finnee totally. just. here
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interview in an hour send good vibes besties 🥺
#🧿…..#🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀….#actually a little less than an hour aaaaa I’ll leave in like 20 mins I’ve been waiting All Day impatiently#I want it to be over 💀#listen even if it doesn’t work for whatever reason. I am trying very hard to consider it practice for other interviews like even if it’s#not The Job it can be A Good Practice Run#nervous. also physically ill rn 😭 im going anyway but I feel like im gonna faint or puke can anxiety stoppp I am trying my best and I look#so cute in my little slacks. im wearing my binder too idk idk the compression feels like a comforting hug rn I need it 😭#idk what im gonna say if it’s a place that actually asks my pronouns like the only place that ever did that was walmart actually#shit place to work but their more recent inclusivity stuff is better than other local places at least#sucks they’re shit pay and shit abt unions etc etc etc#but u could put whatever the fuck u wanted on ur name tag which was awesome there was a lady called granny and no one knew her real name#and gotta say I was a huge fan of that she ruled#sanchoyorambles#on the other hand what if they don’t hire me bc of my blue hair and pronouns (my hair is actually blue so this is even better . I mean#it would suck but the jokes I could make lol)
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fallen prey to saying stupid shit on the internet without thinking and coming off as incredibly rude and insensitive. i feel sick to my stomach. never commenting on anything else ever again. deserve to be squashed under someone’s shoe and ground into powder. in all seriousness this has shocked me so much that i am quitting every platform but tumblr for however long it takes for me to get some sense knocked into my dumb fucking skull
#actually considering deleting the clock app rn#what i said was so so bad and it could’ve been avoided if i’d fucking READ WHAT I WROTE and thought abt it FOR ONE GODDAMN MINUTE#i genuinely feel like i’m going to throw up being seen (fairly. justifiably) as mean is like the worst thing#and i don’t deserve to be wining abt this bc i’m the one who hurt someone but good god#PLEASE make sure that when you say something online you would SAY IT TO THEIR FACE#ive gotten to used to this brusque rude dark humor on the internet that i don’t relaizw using that humor INDISCRIMINATELY WITH STRANGERS is#Not okay#they made a video on it but the video got taken down so i deleted the comment. which might have been more selfish. i don’t know what’s best#-to do in that situation? i’m going to change my fucking username and pfp atp and go off the app entirely because i’m so fucking adhd ames#**ashamed don’t know why is autocorrected to that#ok just deleted the app ‘and all of its data’ so idk if that means my videos (edits) too but atp whatever#maybe it’s impulsive but at least this way i will not know what’s going on ! and never hurt anyone again hopefully. i really hope he saw my#-comments before his response was deleted because i want them to know it was not intentional and i am truly so so sorry#i don’t know how i’m going to function for the rest of the day. i’m going to think about this when i go to sleep for the rest of my life#i feel sick#i’m evil#and being evil isn’t fun silly times it literally makes me want to throw up from how bad i am#too much ranting in the tags and i deserve to be fucking shot in the mouth#but i need somewhere to put this that no one will see this but that is also public so that someone might see and know how sorry i am#feel like fucking bojack horseman#unironically how am i supposed to go on living. how can i live knowing i’m so bad. if i don’t kill myself im being selfish because i’m mak-#-omg everyone deal with my presence and live with a bad person.#i think i’m going too social media entirely except for tumblr maybe bc i can’t or don’t rly talk to anyone on here#i need someone to like give me a good meaning but not in a cathartic way in a way that it genuinely hurts so bad and makes me feel the full#suffering i deserve
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tbh i feel like my interest in willmartha would skyrocket 200% if it wasn’t treated as the fandom’s Golden Fluffy Healthy Ship
#not gonna tag this cuz i’m just taking aloud but this is about the who’s lila characters if you couldn’t tell and we’re curious#like honestly i still think i wouldn’t be that interested in it even without that baggage#martha just. does not interest me lmao and i think they both have more compelling dynamics with other characters#but in the fan content i see for it it feels like. super idealized?#which honestly that one its own is fine. whatever. doesn’t interest me cuz i like mess lol but there’s nothing inherently wrong with that#it’s just when it’s put up against willtanya that it. causes an issue for me#cuz as much as it seems to have died down i can tell at the beginning the fandom had a lot of hostility toward tanya#and agaibst willtanya as a ship#and obviously. i’m a huge fan of both of those things#and it puts a bad taste in my mouth when i get the vibes that willmartha is meant to be this cutesy healthy (better) alternative#both from a willtanya pov but also a ‘you don’t have to think a ship is healthy to enjoy it’ pov#and also from a ‘willtanya doesn’t have to be unhealthy and under better circumstances it could’ve worked you guys are just mean’ pov#i just#really really hate this idea of martha getting pushed forward like ‘see?? here’s will’s REAL perfect partner!! they won’t have any strife!!#when first off all any relationship would have some form of strife#and second of all is just a really boring interpretation of a ship i already feel super bored by#idk if any of this makes sense i’ve just been thinking about this rn hfhfdhvdg#in some alternate universe i could see myself theoretically liking this ship but eugh#the presentation of it bothers me idk idk#marshy speaks
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Btw just changed up the page navigation layout for The Talk comic !! I’ll make a master post of all the pages after the comic is finished bc LMAO all those links increasing every page killed me
#cal rambles#i cant believe I was like YEAHH I’ll just sketch the next four pages and then finish them later in the week to naturally space them out!#and then I proceeded to finish FOUR WHOLE PAGES in one day LMAO#i had to change the layout bc I had the realization that I was gonna need to put EIGHT LINKS on one post#and I would have to do it AFTER I posted bc otherwise the post would get voided from the tags#so I was like MAN. I CANT DO THIS BRO#so I changed it to a first page previous page next page system LMAO#also yes get ready for the next three comic pages in the next week <3#if ur actually this far into my ramblings I’m impressed LMAO#I’ll throw u a bone then: the next one will come out tomorrow and then on Monday and then on Thursday or Friday idk I haven’t decided#whatever I feel like by then in the week#but yaaaay exciting there’s only three more pages I gotta draw before this comic is done#and I’ll move on to the next story beat in the doodle dot au verse :3c#I’m gonna be honest this is gonna be a lil dramatic#like yes v cute au but also I LOVE oak family feels ok#i promise I’ll do something funner after this comic is done <33#i just very much needed to establish Dot’s complicated relationship w/ Lark and Sparrow first and foremost I think#OH and I don’t think I ever established this in the comic#but yeah Normal and Hero were immediately grounded LMAOOOO#that’s why they’re not at the table w/ Dot#they were banished to their rooms so the Adults™️ could ‘deal with the situation’#of course Normal hated this btw#but Dot convinced him to go
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