#this is also a little why i am extremely picky about fanfic for these two | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

vvitchering · 3 years ago

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@chamomileteainabuttercup tagged me in a fanfic writing Q&A and despite my extended hiatus from writing, I guess I have enough to make this worth doing!

How many works do you have on AO3?

32, and I can't believe I have that many wow

What’s your total AO3 word count?

56,612 which is both impressive and depressing lmao

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

The Romancing of the Bard (The Witcher, Geralt/Jaskier, the only thing that surprises me about this is how many kudos it got for being so short and unfinished and not entirely that original lmao I'm also a little salty that something silly like that did SO WELL and things I actually cared a lot more about were barely noticed)

For The Joy Of It (The Witcher, Geralt/Jaskier, this was written for a prompt on twitter and I ended up liking it enough to turn into its own fic. I like the themes, I like the ideas, I did what I set out to do, this was a pretty good one of mine)

Bloodmoon (The Witcher, gen but shippy if you want it to be, this is a favorite of mine still, even though I'm not involved in the fandom anymore. I'm proud that I managed to translate my thoughts to writing in a way that felt satisfying and did the idea justice, which is something I struggle with all the time)

Tokens of Affection (The Witcher, Geralt/Jaskier, I think this was one of the first fics I wrote for the fandom and it shows, but it's a sweet little story nonetheless)

All That We See Or Seem (The Witcher, Eskel/Geralt, I'm so happy this made the list. My magnum opus. I think out of all my fics (possibly excluding Bloodmoon) this is the one I was most easily able to See in my head as I developed it. My only regret is not being at a skill level high enough to really tell this story as it was meant to be told.)

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I try to! I definitely always respond to indepth comments that say a little more than "good story" because I really appreciate when people take the time to tell me what they liked or what worked for them. That helps me feel like I've accomplished something and points me in the right direction for my next story!

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

I don't tend to write angst, at least not of the unresolved variety, but Howl kind of.......is both of those things.....oops lol

Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

I don't, only because I haven't found myself in two fandoms at once that I think work well enough together to do a crossover that isn't crack. I think the closest I ever get to this is when I use elements or settings from one thing and characters from another, like HDM Daemons, or when I was obsessed with the idea of BNHA characters in a Promare setting. But no actual character crossover, no.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Nothing that made enough of an impression for me to remember. I think I get the usual "ew why does this ship even exist" crap once in a blue moon but I always ignore/delete it. I just don't have time for it.

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Ehhhhhhhhhh, not REALLY? I've tried a few times, posted a few half hearted attempts, but that shit is hard. It's one of my biggest struggles and I hate that I still can't even do it in a way that feels comfortable to me as a writer and doesn't read extremely awkward.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Again, not that I know of.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Once or twice, but I'm very picky about collaborations because I know myself and I know how difficult I am to work with. I'm protective of my ideas and I'm stubborn and I find it hard to try and mesh two different points of view on a subject most of the time. I do love to discuss ideas with my friends but when it comes to actually co-writing, I find it too hard 99.9% of the time. Which isn't to say that .1% where it does work isn't super fun! It is! But I think its worked successfully literally once or twice.

What’s your all time favourite ship?

This changes almost monthly at this point LMAO right now I'm really into symbrock (venom), dincobb & bobadin (the mandalorian), and lokius (Loki) still kinda intrigues me despite the show pissing me off

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

All of them. I hate having wips, I just want them to be done, how do I make them Done???

What are your writing strengths?

I've been told I'm good with descriptions, which I agree with. I do tend to see how I want things very clearly in my mind's eye so it's relatively easy for me to just describe what I'm seeing.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Literally everything else ;w; I'm very weak with action scenes, I always feel like my dialogue doesn't work/is clunky/is ooc, and I can't plan out or carry a plot to save my life. As much as it annoys me when pacing is messed up in media, I also can't pace things well. I either end up rushing through or dragging things out too much.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I think it depends. Multiple sentences worth is probably too much and ultimately unnecessary. I will definitely abandon a fic if I'm forced to keep looking for translations. But I'm a huge fan of peppering in a character's native language if it's appropriate. I did this with Trek for Spock and I do it now with Star Wars for Din and Boba. I think a word or phrase here and there is a good way to encourage immersion and bring characters to life, but there has to be a balance.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Supernatural way back in the day, but none of those made it to ao3. I think there's a few still floating around here though.........

What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

I have fun with every fic I sit down to write, honestly. In the moment, it feels good and fun to be working on something. It's after I'm done that I tend to get down on myself. If I HAD to pick, Bloodmoon was a lot of fun. I liked having a bigger cast of characters to write about and the action scenes in that one came so easily for once! I also enjoyed writing In Passion or in Laughter a lot because non-human POV stuff is always really interesting and fun to write. I'd like to write more Venom stuff some time.

Not gonna tag anyone because I can't keep track of who has and hasn't done these meme things so if you're a writer and you made it to the end of this and you want to, consider this me tagging you :)

#writing #writing q&a #tagged in #my fics

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miyuki-scourgeofthefirenation · 5 years ago

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Bop to the Top

Oh boy what have I done? I wrote fanfic, that’s what I done. Basically, I was just chilling, minding my business, when I came across this YouTube video:

youtube

I then had an idea for a fanfic that would not let me go until I wrote it. So I wrote it. Please be nice, this is my first time writing fanfic ever. It also became longer than I anticipated so here it is in all its unedited glory. Enjoy! Story begins under the cut, because yikes, why is this over 2000 words?!?

(Set roughly five years after the end of the war. Zuko brought in a special team to help with Azula and her situation, because Zuko is a sweet boy who still loves his sister and wants her to be okay. The comics? I don’t know her.)

Sokka was spending a perfectly pleasant afternoon strolling around the gardens at the palace when he was unexpectedly tackled by someone sneaking up on him. Actually, make that two someones sneaking up on him.

“Ooof,” he grunts as his body makes contact with the ground. Any hope he might have had for regaining his breath is dashed when the two someones who tackled him promptly fall right on top of him as well.

“Sokka!” a giddy voice shouts, followed by peals of laughter. Sokka opens his eyes to find himself face to face with a chirping lemur. The pressure on his back disappears as his two attackers stand up.

“Sorry, sorry!” another voice rings out, reaching down to help Sokka to his feet. “We were just so excited to surprise you!” Sokka turns around to see his sister Katara, and Aang standing there.

“Guess we got a little carried away!” Aang adds with a sheepish tone in his voice that somehow doesn’t match up with the light in his eyes or wide grin on his face. Sokka doesn’t say anything, just reaches out to scoop Katara and Aang into a hug as Momo scurries up to perch on his shoulder.

“I had no idea you were coming for a visit,” Sokka says, releasing the others from the hug after a few moments.

“It was a last minute decision,” Katara explains. “We were charting our course to the next destination on our itinerary, and realized that it wasn’t that far out of our way to stop by here en route. Thought it would be nice to come see you and Zuko for a day or two.”

“And I thought ‘What would be more fun than making this visit?’ Making this a ‘Surprise visit!’” Aang crowed happily. “Hope that’s okay,” he said then, a bit more tentatively, as if it was just occurring to him that maybe advance warning of their arrival would have been a good thing.

“Of course it is!” Sokka beams, “You know I’m always excited to get to see you two!” A slightly angry chirp comes from the direction of his shoulder. “And you too Momo. I couldn’t forget about my favorite flying lemur.”

It is at this moment that two palace guards come running up to the group out of breath. “Master Sokka,” one pants, “Your sister and the Avatar have arrived unexpectedly and wish to see you immediately.”

Sokka exchanges a brief look with Aang and Katara at this obvious statement, but decides not to comment on it out loud.

“We apologize for not leading them here for a proper greeting,” the other guard says, looking somewhat miffed as well as quite sweaty. “But…” He trails off looking at the two visitors, neatly conveying the hesitance of the guards to attempt to stop the waterbending master and Avatar from going anywhere they might want.

“That’s quite alright,” Sokka states, addressing the red-faced guards. “If you could please see to it that appropriate arrangements are made for my sister and Aang to stay here for the next few days. Thank you.” With that the two guards make their bows to the group and depart.

Katara and Aang loop their arms through Sokka’s as they begin to walk towards the far end of the garden. “So,” Katara begins, “how have you been? How’s that Fire Lord fiancé of yours?”

Sokka grins at this. “I’m good, he’s good. Been keeping busy with Ambassador duties, and Fire Lord duties for him. There have been a couple of small uprising plans discovered recently, but nothing like the turmoil of the early days…” he said trailing off. He still didn’t like to remember those difficult months after Zuko assumed the throne, which featured a steady influx of plots to remove him from power and resume the war. Based on the looks on Katara and Aang’s faces, they didn’t like this reminder either. The three quickly shook themselves out of their momentary gloom, focusing back on the present. “I know he’ll want to see you as well, he’ll be so thrilled you’re here!”

“Where is he?” Aang questions.

“He’s spending some time with Azula,” Sokka explains. “She’s been doing really well recently,” he adds after seeing the dubious expressions on their faces. “Ever since we got those new healers in and the new chambers in the hospital wing set up specially for her she’s been showing a lot of improvement. Way fewer rants about taking back her rightful place as Fire Lord!” Katara and Aang still don’t look convinced, and he supposes he can’t blame them for that. If he didn’t live here and see the daily workings of the situation he probably wouldn’t believe it either. “It’s just about time for Zuko to be finishing up with his visit to her,” Sokka says somewhat hastily, eager to move past this particular subject. “I’ll go over and get him, let him know you’re here. Then we can all have dinner together, properly catch up.”

“Great!” Aang exclaims. “Me and Katara should go see about getting Appa settled in, he can be very picky about how he wants things you know!” Katara gave a slight roll of her eyes as Aang bounded off with Momo flying behind him.

“We’ll see you at dinner!” she calls with a wave as she follows her boyfriend. Sokka smiles at their retreating backs. He’s so happy that they’re here, and he knows Zuko will be as well. With that thought in mind he heads off for the hospital wing of the palace.

As he rounds the corner leading to Azula’s chambers he hears something extremely unexpected. Typical noises that can be found in the hallway are soft talking, loud screams about Azula finally breaking free and reclaiming her place, tears, or silence. This is none of those things. This seems to be… music? Sokka is confused, and quietly pushes open the door to the room. He learned the hard way that making his presence known immediately was not necessarily a smart idea. Who knew a hairbrush could be such a powerful projectile weapon?

Sokka instantly freezes at the sight that meets his eyes. Zuko and Azula are in the center of the room and they seem to be doing some sort of… choreographed dance routine? There is an entirely unnecessary amount of jazz hands and shimmying that seems to be happening and Sokka is absolutely thrilled. He breaks out into an unbelieving and slightly wicked smile. This is good, this is just the sort of low level embarrassing incident he can use to tease Zuko for ages. The two dancing firebenders haven’t yet noticed Sokka’s presence, they’re too focused on the dance. The song continues to play in the background, something about bopping and glory. Sokka isn’t paying close attention to the words of the song, the sight in front of him is far more entertaining and deserves his full attention. The song comes to an end, and Zuko and Azula make their grand finale on a ladder (where did they get a ladder from? Sokka muses briefly). It is only then that Sokka makes his presence known, by beginning to clap. He knew that they would instantly stop dancing if they were aware of him earlier, and he was not about to sacrifice seeing this for anything. The two whirl around at the sound of his clapping, as well as the muffled laughter he’s been holding in this entire time and is starting to lose control of.

Zuko flushes red. “How long have you been standing there?” he asks, a slightly panicked look in his eyes. He knows his fiancé, and he knows full well the amount of teasing he can expect to get from this sort of situation. At this point he can only hope for the damage to be minimal, and that Sokka didn’t see too much of the routine. He knows he’s lost when he sees the evil gleam in Sokka’s eyes.

“Oh,” Sokka laughs, “I’m pretty sure I caught most of that, and let me say I am very happy I did. When can we expect to see performances of it in the theaters around town? Personally, I think all Fire Nation citizens should have a chance to witness that. It would probably be very good for morale.” He crosses his arms and grins at the siblings, who have since come down off of the ladder. Surprisingly Azula hasn’t said anything yet, and has kept her face aimed downwards towards the floor. Both Sokka and Zuko dart their gaze to her, somewhat nervously gauging her reaction.

She looks up abruptly, her gaze moving back and forth between the two. A small smile spread across her lips. “What do you think Zuzu? A couple more months of practice before our grand debut?” Zuko looks shocked for a minute before getting his expression back under control. She turns to Sokka. “You know,” she drawls to him, “I could be ready to perform for the masses tomorrow, but you know Zuzu, he’s not as fast a learner as I am. He needs more time to practice, and I refuse to perform if the routine is not perfected! But, alas, it is now time for dinner, and so perfection shall have to wait another day at least. We can pick up with practice again another day Zuzu,” she states imperiously, laying a hand on his arm as she walks into the small dining area off of the main room. When she gets to the doorway she turns her head slightly to look at him. “Thank you,” she murmurs softly, “I had fun.” Then she sweeps into the other room and out of their sight.

Wordlessly, Zuko and Sokka exit her chambers and begin walking back towards the main part of the palace. “Wow,” Zuko mutters.

“I know,” Sokka says, “She was actually… nice for once. Glad to see the new environment and healers are helping her so much.”

“Me too,” Zuko says quietly, lost in his own thoughts.

“And you,” Sokka blurts out. Zuko looks up at him questioningly. “You’re really helping her too. Clearly,” Sokka rambles. “She seems to be coming around to trusting you a lot more. I know that’s important to you.”

Zuko smiles a bit at that. “Yeah, yeah it is.”

“Sooooooo, about that dance….” Sokka grins at him

“Oh no. No, no, no,” Zuko whines. “I just had a major breakthrough with my sister, can’t I get a pass on the mocking for once?”

Sokka looks vaguely affronted. “Do you know me at all? I am very happy about the whole ‘Breakthrough with formerly evil sister thing,’ but if you think you’re gonna be able to get out of this on the strength of that alone…” he scoffs. “That dance routine is the best material that has fallen into my lap in years, there’s no way I’m about to pass it up!”

Zuko groans affectionately, he knew that was gonna be the answer, and despite his embarrassment he can’t find it in himself to be too upset. He goodnaturedly puts up with Sokka’s shrieking about it as they begin to make their way to dinner. He’s only half paying attention when Sokka says “Oh man, Katara and Aang are gonna love this! Dinner just got so much better!” That snaps Zuko out of his trance right away.

“What do you mean ‘Katara’ and ‘Aang’ and ‘Dinner’?” He demands.

“Oh,” Sokka says slyly, looking at him out of the corner of his eye, “Did I forget to mention? Katara and Aang have dropped in for a surprise visit. We’re headed to dinner with them right now. And trust me, this story, is gonna be the highlight of the evening!” With that Sokka gives him a quick kiss on the cheek, flashes a wicked grin and runs away down the hall and into the dining room. Zuko huffs indignantly, realizing Sokka had run away before he had a chance to respond. Grumbling, but still smiling slightly, he follows his fiancé into the dining room, looking forward to seeing his friends.

#avatar the last airbender #atla #sokka #zuko #zukka #azula #aang #katara #kataang #momo #appa #high school musical #bop to the top #fanfiction #me? writing a 2000 word fanfic over a 1 minute video?#it's more likely than you think

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mousehole5000 · 4 years ago

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tgcf chapters 107 - 120 this is one where i give some Opinions. i do overall like hualian a lot but i have some quibbles

wait why am i still taking screenshots? i can copy/paste again afskldfjasad

It really was hard to tell whether people would feel happy after watching such performances. However, in truth, slaughter and the sight of blood did create excitement in people. Whether or not there was fear, after the initial shock was over, a rush of adrenaline would be produced in the heart- me watching horror movies

“Shi Qingxuan said. “Then, Your Highness, Crimson Rain Sought Flower! I order you to—to immediately strip each other’s clothing!” - djslkadjlsd WHY DID HE SPECIFICALLY SAY THEY HAD TO STRIP EACH OTHER THISALSKDJ is this a normal thing is it a wingman attempt what is happening

“I’ll tell you what it is,” he said softly. “To watch with your own eyes your beloved be trampled and ridiculed, yet be unable to do anything. That’s the worst suffering in the world.” ... “Ming Yi asked, “What’s the biggest regret of your life?”- when truth or dare gets a bit too real

On the side, Hua Cheng was still only observing, and was already bored to the point where he’d changed back into his red robes. Then he changed to black robes again. Then to white robes. Almost every time Xie Lian looked back, he would be donning a different appearance, and with every new look there were different hairstyles, and different accessories, and different boots, and so on; sometimes playful, sometimes elegant, sometimes deadly, sometimes glamourous. Xie Lian was growing dizzy from all the colours and kept looking back, unable to look away. - THIS ISNT THE TIME HUA CHENG. YOURE PRIMPING. THE WINDMASTER HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED AND YOURE PRIMPING

obsessed with xie lian not being able to figure out to use the windmaster’s fan and just. using it to SMACK

also windmaster??? whats going on??? :( i know some things from spoilers like who is not to be trusted but i really have no clue whats happening rn

anyways back to puqi shrine lets check on those kids also can we PLEASE get some funds for this restoration smh. hua cheng and xie lian doing mundane hard labor together to fulfill prayers.... :pleading:

jailbreak in the heavens 2: dig a tunnel

Sure enough, the moment Ming Yi put pressure on his shovel, a hole opened up before them. With the shovel raised, he burrowed crazily ahead while Shi Qingxuan, in the middle, cheered him on crazily. As the only non-crazy person, Xie Lian brought up the rear. That treasured shovel of the Earth Master was indeed magical, and with only a few strokes, a new tunnel of over ten meters was dug. - anybody remember mulch diggums from the artemis fowl series? this is much more dignified than that but i think this is only the second time ive read a character just starting digging a tunnel as a plot point

okay so much is going on i wish i hadnt spoiled who certain characters actually are for myself but i have no one to blame but me for a) not blacklisting spoilers at all and b) just having a little freefall through the tags. oh well. anyway heavenly college admissions scandal except way worse. the corruption extends to the heavens and the windmaster is having a very bad day

i guess we’re having a high seas adventure now?

im gonna keep it real im getting tired of how often we get told how handsome hua cheng is. i know its all xie lian’s pov and while im not terribly familiar with it i know what genre we’re working with and im assuming thats pretty typical. its something i dont much care for in general and idk maybe it sounds better in the original but ngl its starting to make me roll my eyes. love you goth king but god okay we get it.

i guess what i will say about hualian so far is that overall i like them and i like how they interact in general they have a lot of nice moments and they just genuinely seem to like each other which is really nice to see EXCEPT for when it actually comes to things that could be romantic or sexual which is a shame bc i dont think it has to be like this. again disclaimer that im only reading a translation and dont know everything might not have all the knowledge necessary to accurately criticize etc etc and im assuming a lot of this is expected from the genre (disclaimer to this disclaimer that i cant say that for sure its just based on things ive picked up about the bl genre over the years) but idk like xie lian was so distressed after their underwater kiss scene. it was kind of uncomfortable to read and maybe im being unfair i know his cultivation is based around abstinence or whatever but idk i dont care for it. and that scene alone doesnt have to be a bad thing like idk i guess its his first kiss ever (?) and it would make sense if he feels weird about it but i just have my doubts thats going to be addressed or resolved in a satisfying way. also im like. dude everyone is like centuries old. xie lian’s been on earth for 800 years. has he really never met or heard of a gay person during all this time? maybe he hasnt idk what he got up to yet maybe that’s actually a thing. also same thing with the reactions from the immortals to xie lian in a dress and characters like the windmaster like again you’re all centuries old and its not uncommon to be able to just completely change gender presentation. why are you all weird about a man wearing a woman’s dress? i just feel like that shouldnt be a big deal to these characters idk

also again not going to lie part of this that im not really a big fan of reading romance in general. yes i am reading this book. yes i do read and write a lot of fanfic that includes or centers romance. im multifaceted. but really what im talking about is the like physical side of it and descriptions im extremely picky about it. ill give an example. early on in the torture pit (or whatever it was called i cant remember lol) when xie lian kind of accidentally felt up hua cheng in the dark when he was being carried. i dont think thats a bad thing to have happen between the two romantic leads i think thats fine and good to include that early but i just did not enjoy reading it when it happened idk maybe it was the wording and i do think that moments like these work better in a visual medium. ive definitely read het romance that reads like this and i wasnt a fan of that either lol same with fanfic i get tired when writers go on and on about how hot one characters finds another character. this isnt a huge criticism of it like i said im picky but again like with the way that hua cheng is described it just makes me roll my eyes sorry kings

okay back to the reading. this whole saving the fishermen thing feels like a big set up for something narrative-wise. hua cheng specifically insisted on coming and i know one of the characters involved ends up dying im wondering if thats now it would be a good time tbh if things get just a bit too unfortunate during this heavenly calamity... and the brothers are notably not having a harmonious time... also tho it feels very likely we’ll just have another Hualian Moment (tm)

In such a situation, Pei Ming still acted the same. In the evening, when they rescued a few fishermen girls, so scared their eyes were blurry from tears, he held them in his embrace and soothed them with a gentle voice; a true show of honeyed romance, affectionate and charming. - pei ming please get pickled again.

also its funny that hua cheng is just kinda hanging out and everyone else just has to deal with it

Looking down from above, the entire area was painted in a terrifying black. It was easy to see the collision between the two different-coloured currents. Their fierce battle was what formed this enormous whirlpool. As the eye swallowed the ship whole, the two currents of water separated. However, the battle was far from over. Like two venomous vipers, they continued to snap at each other. Each collision was followed by a mountain of angry waves. - this pretty dope ngl. also love our wind and earth masters just chilling on a shovel i dig it. hehe

Yet, other than discovering Hua Cheng had a fine body, there were no other finds. Xie Lian was at his wit’s end and started to worry. - okay see this one’s funny im just also irritated bc im like WE KNOW!!! WE GET IT HE’S HOT AND XIE LIAN THINKS HE’S HOT OKAY GOT IT

okay kiss #2 again its not the kisses themselves its xie lian’s reaction it just bothers me idk im not saying i need him to be super into it and completely unconflicted about it rn but he’s just so freaked out about it and idk i just dont really like it just feels weird i dont care for that aspect of it. also dude hua cheng is a ghost and he did this exact same thing for you before just chill. i wish instead of xie lian literally running away while screaming that hes sorry he was just like “oh haha youre fine thats cool im gonna go look around the woods i dont feel weird about this at all haha” like idk its kind of funny but when its literally our two romantic leads i just feel like its confusing like it kind of makes me feel like they shouldnt be together if one of them freaks out this much again considering the fact that they are both CENTURIES old. i know i know xie lian is an 800 year old virgin but. he hasn’t been like this about anything else so yeah idk like it still could have been awkward and funny i just dont think it needed to be so :/ that being said it was funny that xie lian was then internally like “oh i did it wrong? perhaps i should ask him for more.. instructions....” if that actually happens i might like it bc it would complete this little watery theme

Before he finished, he immediately remembered. Coffin wood. There were trees here everywhere; and a deceased? There was one right before his eyes. Sure enough, Hua Cheng smiled. “Won’t it be fine once I lie inside? - love that hua cheng just sat on the fact that he can turn anything into a coffin. that would have been really useful information earlier but no he just waited until everyone but xie lian was gone afjaklsdjf

also i do think that oblivious xie lian thinking “wow whoever it is that hua cheng fancies is an idiot for not liking him back theyre totally taking him for granted :/” is kind of funny and sweet. actually the whole conversation they have at the campfire is good and im bookmarking it to think about later

“...You on top and me on the bottom,” Xie Lian replied. “Isn’t top and bottom the same?” Hua Cheng asked. - okay im sorry but. mood whenever theres discourse about top/bottom dynamics for a ship im just like jesus christ i dont care. tbh i rarely read fanfiction if its just sexual and ngl if i see a fic specifically tag characters as top or bottom i wont read it lmfao. especially when people have really strong opinions about this stuff when theres nothing canonical to back it up like headcanon all you want but whenever i see people argue about it im just like no offense but go work out your own sexual issues and dynamics instead of arguing with strangers on the internet about who’s a top and who’s a bottom. sorry to be mean but just thats how i feel lol

this was mostly a ramble with a few excerpts but im getting sleepy im going to TRY to take a break from this for like a day but we’ll see how that goes i do very much want to know what happens. anyway if you read this whole thing hiiiiii sorry for subjecting you to my opinions on top/bottom discourse

#minors dni #reading this is weird its like wow this is pretty great actually im having a blast #and then there's these moments that are like...... hmmmm.#idk they havent been awful i just think theyre :/#still funny tho ill give it that #tgcf liveblog

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saeyoungs-sunflower · 4 years ago

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Matchup for @nad-zeta! (Milestone Celebration)

Zeta, my sweet sweet Zeta, here’s your matchup! You have been such an angel, both in your patience and your general loveliness.💛 I’m sorry it took a little longer than expected, but I hope it was worth the wait! It’s pretty long (~3000 words lolllll) so it’s all under the cut. Sorry, I got carried away! :’) xx

So, without further ado, based on the information you gave me I matched you with...

Saeyoung!

take care of my bby pls

I feel like I need to say that I kept going back and forth between him and Zen. Zen was a VERY close second, so I kinda half match you up with him too. That being said, there were some things you mentioned that made me lean more towards Saeyoung, which will be explained below :))

Reasoning & General Headcanons!

“🥰 i am a aries, infp, ravenclaw female 🦊”

An Aries you say...?

Need I say more? Absolute chaotic duo. The energy is buzzing, and the people you hang out are always amused by your shenanigans.

As an INFP, you are caring, loyal, and sensitive, which are traits that I believe Saeyoung would benefit from in a partner. He also hides his true emotions well, so someone with your personality type would be able to pick up on the signs that he is feeling low, even if he tries to hide it. Your loyalty and devotion also helps him feel secure, which considering everything he’s been through, is something I feel he would struggle with, particularly in the early stages of a relationship.

On the flip side, Saeyoung is also incredibly loyal. And whilst he does joke around and tease, he knows how sensitive topics and comments can affect someone, so he is never careless, especially since (as an INFP) you often take things to heart. As a team, you work well together because you view the world slightly differently. You’re an idealist, whereas he’s a realist; you focus on the big picture, whereas he has an incredible attention to detail. This is really helpful in difficult conversations, big decisions, plans for the future etc, because whilst your opinions may differ, you offer the other a different side of the story. You get the best of both worlds!

I don’t know my Harry Potter houses very well, but from my memory and a quick Google search, Ravenclaws value knowledge and are wise, intelligent and witty. Sounds familiar? ;) i mean wise is debatable lol. Your conversations are sooo interesting and natural, because you’re both very intelligent in many ways.

“i am pretty shy and difficult to get to know (apparently it took me 2 months to start opening up to my friends, ooops), i tend to bottle up my emotions, my friends would likely describe me as incredibly stubborn, gentle, kind, over dramatic, goofy and fun loving. I am pretty aloof and blunt, like i will 9/10 times tell you to your face how if feel about you if you ask 🙈once u are part of my inner circle i am playful, teasing, i am an extremely sarcastic person that makes snarky remarks under my breath and my kind of humor is a bit of dark and self deprecating.”

Okay, this was one of the key things that made me match you with Saeyoung. A huge reason why I love Saeyoung so much is that there is a high level of comfort in a relationship with him. By that I mean that he is so open and fun that there is literally zero judgment. Judgment is such a foreign concept to him in this kind of situation. He makes you so comfortable that it’s so easy to be yourself around him, and it doesn’t take long for him to get to know you.

GIRL HE’S THE SAME. The king of bottling up his emotions. This means that y’all know when something is up, you can see the signs. You are understanding of each other, so discussions happen and actions are put into place before things become too much.

Saeyoung sometimes just needs to be told when he’s being a lil prick. You are kind and gentle when he needs it, but also can be blunt with him when it gets silly. I mean, if MC was like you towards the end of his route, we would have got through the whole “i’M tOo dAnGeRoUs gEt aWaY” thing SO much more quickly.

Once you’re comfy with him, you become an absolutely unstoppable force. When he teases you, you tease him back. When he’s being playful, you’re his partner in crime. Y’all are so goofy. Your life is full of laughs and joy with Saeyoung.

Sarcastic comments, dark humour and self-deprecating jokes? Yep that’s also very Saeyoung. Sometimes you two have to reel it in a bit when you’re hanging out with others because YOU’RE OUT OF CONTROL TOGETHER.

“I love my friends and family and will fight anyone who threatens them, although when it comes to me, you can do or say anything to me and i wont do anything (I honestly can't stand up for myself).”

IT’S LIKE HE’S LOOKING IN A MIRROR. Seriously though, he knows the importance of self worth because he knows, firsthand, the damage that can be done when you don’t value yourself and your wellbeing. He makes it his mission to help you see how worthy you are of respect and give you confidence to stand up for yourself. Even if you won’t do it for yourself, he’ll stand up for you. He cares too much about his loved ones to let them be treated wrongly.

He feels how much you love him and your other friends/family which makes him feel so secure, and he also has a phenomenal amount of love in his heart to give and he ain’t afraid to do so.

“I swear like a sailor although I am trying to get that under control, however the road rage is real.”

Finds your road rage and swearing SO amusing. Constantly teasing you about it and winding you up, but it’s all in good fun.

Absolutely has a swear jar for you. No doubt about it.

“You’ve corrupted my good, Catholic ears.” “Saeyoung shut the fuck up.”

“I love nature and animals (i love my lil bunnies and dogs), i love working out/going to the gym #gym is life”

I mean, we know he adores cats, and I imagine he loves other animals too.

I also imagine he loves camping, and I don’t even know why. He just gives me camping vibes. Weekends away spent in nature, sleeping in a tent and sitting round a fire in the evenings are pretty common for you.

I know this is ~controversial~ topic in the fandom, but I am of the opinion that Saeyoung also works out.

Do I think he’s completely ripped? No, probably not. But he’s strong, lean at the very least. Even Jaehee admits it! He makes working out so much fun and it’s always a bit of a laugh.

“i enjoy cooking (i am now officially a chef), wine tasting (fancy way of saying getting very tipsy of different wines most nights), spending time with friends (especially if there is tea to be spilt) although i do need lots of alone time to recharge my social battery”

The first time he tasted your food, he almost cried. Poor boi lived off eating crisps and soda for God knows how long.

“Wait, you’re not meant to constantly feel like you're gonna throw up? Food is meant to have...flavour???”

Help him

Saeyoung is pretty social, but also needs time to recharge like you, though he can go a bit longer than you and doesn’t easily get drained by social interactions. This may seem like a problem when you spend time with friends, but it’s actually such a blessing. If you’re feeling exhausted when socialising, he knows and will “take the wheel” if you will. There’s nothing worse than trying to keep a conversation going or seeming upbeat when you literally don’t have the energy, so Saeyoung is there to help you out. He’s also super good at politely and subtly taking you out of those situations if you are super drained and need to recharge.

He’s also such a gossip so if you got tea to spill he’s ready to hear it, and you know he ALWAYS has tea to spill. Sneaky man

“i like conspiracies, reading, writing (Fanfics and im busy with my Masters in nutrition >“<), rom coms, and sleeping. As much as i love spending time outdoor i also enjoy lazing around the house being a lazy potato.”

Discussions about conspiracies over dinner lol. He is in possession of some...top secret information, so those conversations are very interesting and eye opening ;)

He LOVES to read your writing. It literally doesn’t matter what it’s about, he finds it truly fascinating. It’s a little glimpse into who you are, and it’s something you created!!! By yourself!!!! HE LOVES THAT. Always impressed with what you write, every time. He’s so proud.

ROM COMS WHILST CUDDLING ON THE COUCH

He’s a cryer, he loves rom coms.

He works super hard, so he’s always down to have a lazy day with you!!

“I definitely zone out and daydream all the freaken time and tend to blush easily which i hate 🙈 i definitely dont like crowds and loud sounds (ie you will never find me in a club). I am a picky eater despite my degree in cooking (i basically only eat candy, carbs and protein)”

He. loves. Making. You. blush. I’m sorry, but it’s one of his favourite things. He thinks it’s so adorable, so prepare for all the teasing, lewd jokes and general flirtiness that’ll get your cheeks burning ;)

He’s not keen on crowds either, so that’s not a problem!! I imagine he occasionally goes on night’s out with the bois (and by bois I mean usually just Zen and Yoosung LOL) but he’s not often out until super late, and he’s super respectful of you. Would never ask you to do something or go somewhere that makes you uncomfortable.

“i love cuddles although i look like someone that wouldn’t. Ive been told i come across as calm and confident, while in truth on the inside i am really scared and insecure. I am incredibly awkward when it comes to boys and have been told my sarcastic comments are x100 when i talk to them (oops).”

CUDDLE MONSTER. I actually think he’s the biggest cuddler in the RFA. Controversial I know, but damn Saeyoung loves a cuddle. He’s a spontaneous cuddler. Like it doesn’t matter what the situation is, if you need a cuddle or he just fancies one, he’ll find a way.

He sees right through your calmness and confidence, because he’s exactly the same. This puts him in the perfect position to reassure you and lift you up. He’s a great hype man!

He finds your awkwardness adorable, and your sarcastic comments just make him love you even more! He has a good sense of humour and doesn’t take things too seriously if they don’t need to be, so he’s constantly laughing with you and easing your mind in the very early stages of your relationship.

“I am very go with the flow, and i never burn my bridges 🙈 i am very forgive and forget🦊, like no matter how badly you hurt me.”

Based on what happens on his route, it’s very handy that you are a forgiving person hahah

But again, if Saeyoung thinks you are being treated wrongly and being hurt, he will stand up for you.

His dedication to protecting the ones he loves is STRONG. I mean, look at his relationship with Saeran and the way he is constantly looking out for you in ALL routes.

Of course, he won’t say or do anything to that person if that makes you uncomfortable. Instead, he will constantly reassure you of your self-worth and remind you that you deserve better, but will also support the decisions you make.

If you want to forgive and forget, he will respect that, even if he thinks differently.

“What am i looking for in a potential partner?.... well i definitely think i need someone that could bring me out my shell initially, also someone who isn't too sensitive cause like i said i can be super sarcastic and my jokes kinda match that (like in my family we show out affection for each other via playful insults and savage comments)😂😂”

As I stated above, I think Saeyoung is the best person to help bring you out of your shell. There’s no judgment and no shame with this man.

I find that someone being unapologetically themself is SO contagious, and Saeyoung is exactly that - unapologetically himself.

We’ve all seen his humour, he doesn’t seem to be particularly sensitive either so you’re all good there hahaha. Obviously everyone does have their limits, so whilst their are topics/jokes that would probably make him uncomfortable (e.g. stuff relating to Saeran), overall, he’s chill and ALWAYS ready to joke around with you.

The roast battle is so real with you two LOL

“i kinda want someone stable, hard working, decisive, ambitious and who can push me out of my confort zone and vice versa.🦋”

He goofs around, but there’s no denying that this man works HARD.

Once he leaves the agency and starts his new life with you, I can imagine him being super ambitious and also aiming for stability.

His life before had been so restrictive yet so uncertain. He had to do what he was told, but never knew what was just around the corner.

This makes me think that he would crave the stability and certainty that he never had (a ‘normal’ life, if you will), but also he’d want to try so many things that he hadn’t before. He strikes me as a ‘go big or go home’ kinda guy, so I think it’s safe to say that he would be ambitious in many ways.

The only thing I don’t think he ticks the box on is decisiveness, at least not at the beginning. I think he usually knows what he wants, but rarely acts on that.

“It’s up to you”, “whatever you want” and “I don’t mind” are very common phrases for him lol. I think he would learn to be more decisive once he gets comfortable. I also think he has his moments of assertiveness though, when he’s in the right mood.

“Also someone who is family oriented and loving (someone that can cuddle me when im having a bad day)☺ and someone who can make me laugh, cause i love joking around so i kinda think i need someone who could match that🌻”

SAEYOUNG. IS. SUCH. A. FAMILY. MAN.

Again, look at what he’s done for Saeran and how deeply he cares for and loves him. A ‘normal’ family was something that was absent in his life, so when he has his own family (whether that be a found family or one he made) he would cherish that so strongly, maybe more than most.

SAEYOUNG. IS. A. CUDDLE. MONSTER.

He could be working at his desk and suddenly think “you know what? It’s snuggle time” and then he would search the house for you to give you The Snuggle™

Again, he’s also VERY observant and his attention to detail is impeccable, so he can instantly tell if you’re having a bad day and will act accordingly - aka SNUGGLE TIME

I mean, need I say more? If you want someone who makes you laugh, Saeyoung is the guy. There is never a dull day when he’s around, and the house is always filled with laughter!

So yeah....that’s my reasoning :’)) now onto your very own drabble!! This is all yours, so if there’s anything you’d like me to change or add, PLEASE let me know!! I’m more than happy to edit anything to make it more personalised for you, just shoot me a message and I’ll be on it, same goes for anything I’ve said above!!🥰

Drabble!

“Saeyoung! Can you come here a second?”

You called out to him from the kitchen, stirring from a pot whilst its contents quietly bubbled away. You could hear the music blaring from his headphones all the way from the other room, with the occasional hum or drum on his desk. Evidently, he hadn’t heard you.

“SAEYOUNG CHOI GET YOUR FINE ASS IN HERE.”

The music ceased, followed by rapid pattering as he darted into the room, nearly skidding round the doorway.

“I heard ‘fine ass’ and here I am,” he smirked, sauntering over to you and snaking his strong, secure arms around your middle. He swayed you from side to side, planting a wet kiss on your cheek, much to your dismay. Saeyoung merely chuckled, resting his chin on your shoulder, “What do you need, witch lady?”

“Why ‘witch lady’?”

“Well, whatever you’re cooking is giving me witchy vibes. It looks like a potion in a cauldron. Look at you with your double double toil and trouble-OW! Don’t pinch me!”

“Sorry, it’s a witch thing,” you winked, spinning around in his grip so you were face-to-face. “You sure you’re not the witch? You do have the nose for it.”

“I’ve also got the dress and hat in the attic, shall I go put it on?”

“Try this for me first.” You held the wooden spoon out to him as he took a sip, chuckling at the way his brows furrowed in thought.

He smacked his lips a few times, hummed then finally looked back to you, “It’s good.”

“That’s it? That’s all you got?”

“You do realise that my taste buds have essentially been burned off by chips and soda, right? I have no idea if something’s bad or not.”

“You’re right. I should call Jumin.”

“You can’t,” he informed, his smirk growing ever wider as he moved towards the snack cupboard, “Mr Han has a date tonight.”

The spoon clattered against the counter, your mouth agape, “You’re shitting me.”

“That’s another coin in the swear jar.” Saeyoung chucked a packet of candy in your direction, though it only hit you in the face before falling unceremoniously onto the kitchen floor, “I think we need to get your reflexes checked, babe.”

“Tell me everything.”

He took a seat on a breakfast stool and chortled as you leaned over the counter, eyes showing your eagerness to hear the gossip. And he was more than happy to provide, “He appears to be really into her. Like, really into her. She seems to just get him, you know? I could hear his smile down the phone when he told me about her earlier.”

“Earlier? Why are you only just telling me this now?!”

“Do you wanna hear the rest of it or not?”

Huffing, you perched on the seat next to him, stealing a piece of his candy despite his look of horror, “Okay, well where did he meet such a woman?”

“You’re never gonna believe it.”

“Try me.”

Saeyoung was enjoying himself far too much. He couldn’t wait another moment to witness your reaction, “She’s Zen’s co-star.”

“NO.”

“YES.”

The tea had been spilt, and things were about to get very interesting within the RFA.

Your eyes were glued to his as he continued to disclose the details. At some point you had wrapped your arm around his, his other hand encompassing yours. He abruptly stopped halfway through describing the first encounter, causing you to quirk an eyebrow impatiently, “What?”

“Do you smell burning?”

“...Fuck.”

“And another one for the swear jar.”

@nad-zeta there we go my love, I hope you enjoyed your matchup!! I am so grateful for your support, it never fails to make me smile when I see you pop up in my notifs. You are beautiful, kind, bright person and you deserve the world. Thank you again for all you’ve done and all you do💛💛 Take care of yourself, my friend! xxx

(Note for other readers: I usually don’t do matchups, this was for a special occasion! I doubt I’ll open up requests for them later on, but never say never!)

#sunny's 500 milestone #matchup #nad-zeta #saeyoung choi #mystic messenger

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veiljumpernyssa · 5 years ago

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Anyway I had an actual hot take for y'all today as well.

I saw a post in the Muriel tag that was talking about how he was a big virgin and wouldn't have mind blowing sex with the MC or whatever. The post itself is not deserving of a criticism as far as I know but it got me thinking of two things: one, how fandom conceptualizes of these LIs as stagnant and how it influences a lot of the meta as well as the fanworks; and two, how the concept of navigating sexual situations is (imo) overly influenced by cis heteronormativity.

The point of these romance routes in the game is to see the characters grow and change. This happens in some small part regardless of whether the Upright or Reversed endings occur. The choice you have as the MC is to either encourage growth and connection to others or to enable the behaviours that led them to their situations in the first place. You could even say that encouraging the Reversed ending in a way encourages them to become similar to the Arcana - archetypes that remain stagnant and never changing.

I see this a lot in meta about just about every type of headcanon you can think of, where the characters are written as they are in the beginning with little thought about their potential to grow. It's not a 'problematic' thing per se, just something I notice.

So moving on from that point, my second point about virginity and cisheteronormativity. It's important to keep in mind that this fandom is in general quite young, very cisheteronormative (if not largely cishet) and it seems obvious that a lot don't know how to navigate sexual or romantic relationships-- and it really shows.

There are a few very basic rules when it comes to navigating relationships, but there is no template that applies in every situation because every relationship is different. In the context of sexual relationships, I feel like a lot of writings take influence from the way they're portrayed in media. There's a reason why I personally am extremely picky with the fanfic I read and recommend -- because in 90% of the fics I read I can immediately tell this person has never been in a sexual situation in their life. At least, not one that involved clear consent and a partner who cares about making you feel safe, comfortable and good.

The idea of everyone's first time being awkward or painful or frightening is based in a lot of cisheteronormativity. It relies on the idea of penis-in-vagina sex (PIV) sex being the only type of sex, or the most important type of sex -- even in the context of gay sex, it can translate to an overt focus on penetration. It also, disturbingly, puts the receiver (usually a cishet girl) in the position of being the one who has to be awkward or in pain or scared. Very rarely are the tables turned with an inexperienced (cishet) man, and when it is it's often portrayed as a joke -- I could expand upon the opinion that it ties in to a lot of gender essentialist ideas of men always being the sexual aggressors, but I won't.

Going back to the post about Muriel being a virgin -- we're already seeing him becoming less and less touch averse, more trusting, more confident in romantic situations. I really don't see how that can't also translate to sexual situations.

I've already gone on at length about how distasteful and low-key racist I find the portrayals of Muriel as sexually aggressive, "frustrated" or "dominating". It's pretty clear from his route so far that he is not only incredibly gentle but also a very observant and capable person. I disagree with the idea that he wouldn't be willing to try, or that he wouldn't listen to or observe his partner -- or even just ask if something is okay to do. Because Muriel does get flustered in new situations or sudden changes, but he is still capable of adapting.

With reassurance and check ins and just showing him what to do, there's no reason why he and the MC can't have good sex. It doesn't require a ton of experience-- just the willingness to listen and reciprocate. Would it be mindblowing? That's up to them.

#muriel #the arcana game #meta #yall can add your thoughts just a) read this post very carefully #and b) don't act like a clown #🔞

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everbrilliantheartbreaker · 5 years ago

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Fanfiction Reader Tag

Tagged by @eyeliner-vampire ♡ ♡

Fanfiction Reader Tag!

1. When did you start reading Fanfic (How old you were or how long ago)?

When I was probably...11 ish? so like 13 years ago

2. Do you have an AO3 account?

Yeh (LadyWisteria)

3. Do you read WIP (work in progress)? Why or why not?

All the time. I’m not picky about this at all. I’m a simple person. I see fic I think I’ll like? I read. doesn’t matter if it’s finished or not. I’ll make up my own ending til it is lol. also authors need that encouragement. finishing stuff is hard

4. What time of day is your ‘fic reading time’?

Usually late at night (like 1 a.m. and later..much later) but sometimes I’ll waste an afternoon instead (2 p.m. ish til I either have to go to work or I finish the fic)

5. How much time do you spend reading fic per week?

Not remotely as much time as I used, that’s for sure. Anywhere from an hour (if I’m rereading That favorite fic) to 2-4 hours if my friend has sent me a longfic again.

6. Do you listen to podfic (fanfic recorded like an audiobook)?

I...didn’t even know this was a thing tbh, so no. Sounds very neat but also I don’t listen to audio books anymore bcus my attention span re: audio input has gotten so bad over the years I can’t focus for more than a few minutes.

7. What’s your favorite fic genre to read?

AUs AUs AUs. and fantasy. and fantasy AUs (although good long AU fics are harder to find). I am a very simple person. I see magic mentioned, I read. I also read a lot of romance fic (proving once again that fanfic writing is often better than mainstream original writing, bcus romance is one of my least favorite YA/movie genres). I don’t read as much of them but I also love mystery and paranormal fics

8. Are there any genres that you tend to avoid?

Super angsty no happy ending type stuff. “Major Character Death” is an automatic nope lmao (unless the summary looks reaallyyy interesting or it was recc’d to me). Tragedy is definitely Not my thing

9. What tag(s) do you track?

I don’t track any fic tags (I stopped tracking tags at all since Tumblr changed it from “keeping track of new posts in said tag” to “dropping random posts from that tag into the middle of your dash, and usually the same three”)

10. How do you find new fic?

Nowadays I mostly just read what friends send me or the new stuff a very few writers I follow post, but sometimes I also come across stuff through Twitter or Tumblr and curiosity wins out

11. How do you organize your fic bookmarks?

I..don’t? Is this a thing people do?? If I wanna reread something I either search through my bookmarks by title/author or just. filter by fandom.

12. Do you subscribe to authors or stories?

Yeh. I only keep up with a very select few of them though. altho part of that is due to several of them being people I followed on fanfic.net years and years ago and never unfollowed, even though our interests may no longer be the same. (the other part is me going “oh I’ll read that later” and then just. never doing it.)

13. What is your favorite fanfic trope?

fake dating and bed sharing are always good

everyone is gay. also Good

14. What kind of plot line are you always here for?

“everything’s the same but they’re soulmates” (oh my god they were soulmates)

mafia AU

MAGIC

I really like in-between scene fics too. the events and character interactions that happen off-screen. I like writing those

15. What can an author do to make you love them?

write about my faves frequently

cool AUs

write about minor characters

good sense of humor

16. What can an author do to make you avoid them?

not into mpreg fics

a/b/o fics make me super wary I usually pass on those, even if the summary looks mildly interesting. they’re rarely if ever done in a way that isn’t rapey and gross

don’t care for fics period that have rapey scenes but you’re supposed to find them romantic

adult/minor ships

characterization is a big deal to me so if I don’t like how they handle the characters, especially faves I probably won’t be back

17. What do kudos mean to you?

when I get one I have a few seconds of “oh someone kinda liked this thing I wrote” and then I carry on about my day >.>;;; (I do appreciate them tho)

18. What kind of commenter are you (No comment, short comment, keyboard smash)?

I don’t comment as often as I mean to or wish I did, but when I do they’re loong comments (I’ve passed the AO3 character limit at least once kshg)

I tend to quote favorite parts and then react to them, and I like to theorize and ask questions about character’s thoughts at a certain part or what author imagines happens before/after the fic

19. Have you ever stopped reading a fic? Why or why not?

Yes. Once because I stumbled into a very sexually explicit fic when that was. Not at all what I was expecting (I was also very young lol), I think there was a very few I quit because they were boring or very poorly written, but most often I “quit” a fic for the same reason I don’t do audio books anymore lmao: because my attention span is sht and my motivation and commitment are extremely fickle things. I either forget or just wander away for a bit and then forget. Often I mean to come back and finish it; it’s just a matter of how long it takes. (I also second hand embarrassed out of a fic so hardcore that it’s been a whole 9 months since I’ve touched it khdfgd)

20. Have you ever read a fic more than once? What is it about that fic that makes you want to read it again?

YES. This requires like a minimum 4 separate posts to really answer but:

Behind Bricks and The Penance of a Killer by Deathbelle

this person is my fricking favorite author ever and these are two of my fricking favorite fics ever, I must’ve reread Behind Bricks 6 or 8 times now and Penance is the BokuAka-centric companion piece to my favorite fic of all time that I always wanted

Mending Bonds and If the Heart Breaks, Does That Mean There’s No Home? by RussianSunflower3

Mending Bonds is soft found family fluff centering on a very minor fave of mine and If the Heart Breaks is very angsty found family fluff that also focuses on some minor characters and it always hurts my heart but the ending and the soft middle always heal it right back up (“[Hanamaki] has a heart big enough for everyone in the world, and then some.” ohhhh my godd)

Boiled Frogs by ReginaGalaxia

this one is. a really hard read centered around emotional abuse and manipulation and hoooo boy it is a rough read especially if you’ve experienced any of that personally but it’s so well written and the character dynamics are great and in its lighter moments it’s fricking hilarious.

(bits and pieces of) The Roost by Ugglabarn

bits and pieces only bcus Roost has a lot of very heavy dark content that I’d have to be in a specific mood to reread the whole thing because it hurts my heart way too much but also it’s one of the best Fukurodani-centric longfics I’ve ever read (PLUS AN AU..!!) and I love love how they write the characters and how much focus there is on the minor members and ships and in its lighter moments Roost is also really funny the most recent chapter was hilarious

Expensive Hotel by Crown_of_Winterthorne

smut. explicit smut. excellent explicit smut with loving polyamorous boyfriends and plenty of consent discussion and kissing. my entire jam right there

Class 1-A Whomst? by Ya_Boi_Hal

this is the funniest chatfic I’ve ever read in my life and the first good chatfic I ever read. absolutely hysterical. also has some really good serious content in the middle and some Aizawa dialogue that punched me right in the feels. 12/10 will read again. sometimes I just randomly say “Mineta whomst??” and cackle to myself

and back in the day it was:

The Flame of Betrayal by DataIntegrationThoughtEntity

I guess traitor! Tahu was a popular trope back when Bionicle fandom was at its peak?? and not everyone liked it apparently but I enjoyed this fic greatly every time I read it it was well written and had interesting OCs and I am actually highly tempted to go reread it again

and Asleep Beneath a Wheat Field by Feline Freak

this was a very peculiar little OC-centric one shot that was also very sad and I don’t know why it grabbed me like it did but I remember rereading it 3 or 4 times at least

21. Do you like sequels?

The fics I like don’t usually come with sequels but The Penance of a Killer is one so Yes

22. Do you like dabbles?

I guess? I haven’t read too many I don’t think but hey, more fic is more fic. Who’s gonna complain about that?

23. What do you wish more fic authors would do?

Write about minor characters more

24. What do you wish more authors would stop doing?

that thing where they latch onto one facet of a character’s personality - or worse, one that fandom made up - and write them as if that’s the only trait they have

25. Do you like one-shots or multi-chapter?

Multi-chapter. I mean both are great obviously but the majority of my faves are multi-chapter and obviously if I like a fic I’m gonna wanna spend as much time in that universe as possible

26. How long do you like chapters to be?

Usually I feel the longer the better. once in a while I’ll hit one that’s so long it’s kind of distracting but extremely rarely

27. What’s your favorite POV (point of view) to read (first, second, third)?

Third

28. What do you think of OC’s?

I didn’t use to care for them very much but as I started reading fic by more advanced writers I found several I really liked. have a very small list of OCs from recent fics I’ve read I would actually kill a man for I love them so much

29. Do you download fic?

No, but seeing as my absolute favorite Bionicle fic vanished off the face of the earth several years ago and I cannot find anything about it an y wh ere sometimes I think about saving my faves. I never got to finish reading that fic and I am absolutely devastated every time I think about it.

30. Tell me something else about your fic reading! Anything else!

best thing is when my friend and I buddy read a fic and send each other our favorite parts

Tag!

@yaelathewordsmith and @samantha-girlscout ♡ ♡ ♡

#Toa does a meme #long post #i didn't forget about this i've just been picking at it ever since u tagged me

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distressindisguise · 6 years ago

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Ranking My Jarchie Fanfiction

I’ve been in the Riverdale fandom for a long time so I’m going to start this off by stating that in the very beginning, the main ships were Beronica and Jarchie. Crazy right? Bughead wasn’t really a thing. Now, there are barely any Jarchie scenes in the show but I still write Jarchie fanfiction on wattpad here.

I love writing reviews and just writing period and after re-reading my fanfiction for the first time in months, I’ve decided to write a brutally honest review. So let’s begin.

5. Meadow Of Flowers

For some reason, this is one of my most popular fics. Though it always seems that way right? The things you write that you’re most proud of never get the recognition you think it deserves, but the things that have been slapped together hastily seem to do very well. A. K. A the fanfiction writer’s curse.

Here are the good things: the idea and the plot started off great. It’s a cute, clear concept. It’s not complex or hard to comprehend. The prep draws flowers on the goths notebook, the goth surprises the prep by drawing more flowers, and the prep tries to get to know him so he creates a tumblr and messages him anonymously. The text messages sent between the two are funny. It’s a good laugh, something to snicker at when you’re bored and have free time. The characters are really interesting. Archie has an infectious attitude and watching Jughead try to deal with it is equally as entertaining.

Here are the bad things. The plot loses itself somewhere in the middle. All of a sudden Jughead has an ex girlfriend that comes back in town and his father is the leader of the Mafia or some while crazy crap like that. There becomes too many irrelevant characters. None of the rest of book actually has to do with the main concept, the meadow of flowers drawn on a piece of paper that brought them together. I really don’t know how that concept got so lost. But even still, it garners up tons of reads. For what reason? Probably because of the text messages. Archie’s dirty pick up lines and Jughead’s insertion of memes are probably the only thing that keeps readers coming back.

The writing also extremely lacks. It’s a dialogue based book. There’s not much substance there. It’s literally all quotes. Definitely not my best work. I’d say it’s my worst. I cringe when people tell me they love it so much.

I haven’t updated the book in months and honestly I don’t think I’ve ever going to. If anything, I’ll delete all of the wild chapters and keep the text messages. This fic is the definition of the cringe side of Wattpad and I promise you my other fics are nothing like this trainwreck.

4. Treehouse

Treehouse is my only ongoing fanfiction. It’s probably going to be my last Jarchie fanfic. I’m not sure if it’s my last fanfic on Wattpad though. I’ll have to see. I’m kind of over the Riverdale fandom and the show if I’m being completely honest.

Jughead and Archie spend a summer in the latter’s treehouse getting to know each other, but once they get back to school the story gets twisted into a lot of dirty rumors. Jughead wants to forget what happened, but Archie wants to further their relationship.

Good things: Characterization. Jughead is fem! In this book. He’s bubbly, innocent, and an all around strong character. He’s an activist, a vegan and a super inspiring person. He’s extremely lovable. It’s easy to support and fall in love with his character. I wrote Jelly Bean, his sister, older in this book. She’s also a dynamic character. She has her own issues as well. The book doesn’t just focus on Jarchie, it focuses on Jelly Bean’s problems, Archie’s problems, Betty’s problems, and my OCs problems individually. Their lives all intertwine and that’s another aspect that makes the book great. The writing is good and the storylines are relatable.

Bad things: Because there are so many storylines, the book drags. I’m often left to wonder what the actual plot is. There’s no climax or end goal. It’s more like a look of the lives into each person, which isn’t a bad thing, but it causes the story to feel slow and sometimes meaningless. There are currently 19 chapters written and published, but it feels as if there’s much less because nothing has been accomplished and nothing has been destroyed yet.

Despite that, I do think it’s an entertaining read and in terms of writing, I think it’s easy to follow and easy to love.

3. Circumlocution

My readers like to call this book Hell.

I am usually a fluffy fic writer. My books do tend to have angst, problems that need to be solved that eventually work out, but this is not one of those books.

Jughead and Archie dated in high school until Archie left one day out of the blue. Jughead never got a call, never got an explanation, but was instead left to deal with his miserable life without one of the people who made it bearable. Archie comes back to Riverdale a year later, finds Jughead at a bar, and offers to take him home on a long, awkward, emotional car ride into the unknown.

Good things: the plot is amazing. There’s very few settings, the most used one being the car, so it’s easy to follow. It’s structured, the chapters flashback to a couple of years ago so the reader can piece together what happened to Jughead while Archie was gone and what happened to Archie after he left. The flashbacks give a glance to both sides of the story as the characters stay clueless to the whole truth until the very end. It’s my shortest, most consist fic, numbering in at 25 chapters and a heartfelt epilogue. The writing was done very well, every emotion is felt. The anxiousness, the tension, the hatred, and the hint of affection they both still had toward each other are displayed well. There are subtle clues dropped to allow the reader to guess what happened, and little details start to make sense at the very end.

Bad things: even with that “glowing review” there are some shortcomings I think. I’m also very picky about my own work by the way, so in reality these fics may not be as bad as I’m making them out to be.

Because there’s very few settings, I think sometimes the setting does get lost. I think the car could be described more. I think the mentions of the road could be used. Maybe I’m fussing, but there’s lots of times where there’s just conversation and the reader assumes that it’s in Archie’s truck because that’s where they last were. Still, I think there should be reminders instead of just still dialogue. For instance, how much moving around can you do in a car? The only other locations are pit stops to get food. The rest of the locations are in the flashbacks, which don’t really play a huge part to the story itself.

I also think that maybe the book is too dark at times. One thing that I hate about wattpad, is the number of dark fanfics written by 12 year olds who romanticize topics like depression and self harm. I didn’t romanticize the topics, but they’re there and I tried to be respectful and treat them with the seriousness that needed to be there. There’s physical abuse, substance abuse, self harm, it’s a lot. It’s why my readers call the book hell, because it’s a lot of emotions at once, especially when you grow so attached to two characters and grow to vouch for their relationship to work out in the end.

My favorite part of the fic is the epilogue because it shows someone reaching out, getting help, and trying to get better. Its the right approach.

My book is also called hell because of the ending... but I’m not going to spoil that for you.

I just think that the mood in the fic could be lighter in some aspects. There needs to be more breaks for happy flashbacks, or more light hearted conversation. Sometimes I feel as if the transitions are too quick. Jughead could go from yelling at Archie to slowly easing up when they reminisce about the past, but I think the shift should be more gradual. Still, in terms of plot/structure/and writing, it’s my best fic. Hands down. So why is it at number 3? Let’s see.

2. Nameless

Maybe this is where my bias steps in.

In reality, this would be tied with my number 1 choice because this is one of my favorites, though I don’t think it’s technically better than circumlocution in terms of plot. This is another book that drags on for longer than it’s supposed to.

Nameless didn’t have a name. He was 17 Years Old. He didn’t talk to anybody but his social worker. He didn’t show emotion. He spent his days reading and coming up with names until one felt right, for the boy had amnesia after a terrible accident that separated him from his parents and his old life. Archie comes around, and soon he learns to stop viewing with the world with indifference and hanging onto the past.

Good things: Characterization yet again. I’m very good at characterization. Although the Riverdale characters are not mine, I’m very good at giving them their own unique personalities to fit my plots and ideas. Nameless is obviously Jughead, but his character is so complex. My favorite thing is watching him grow as a person throughout the book. He seriously learns how to love, how to deal with people, and how to accept himself and what he has. Watching his relationship grow with his adoptive parents and his adoptive siblings is just as amazing as watching his relationship grow with Archie. I think that the writing is done well, though there is some things left unanswered in the end that I ended up explaining in my final author’s note. The plot is consistent as well.

Bad things: Like I mentioned earlier, I do think it drags on. Some scenes are definitely unnecessary and there’s some chapters that can be scraped out. There’s no reason for why there needed to be 60 chapters.

As a fanfic writer though, I think it’s safe to say that most of the time fics are filled with a lot of irrelevant chapters for fluff. They’re fillers, sure, but most people read for the fluffy scenes of a relationship. Chapters like that are also important for live updating a book. Sometimes it’s just easier to throw in a filler to give readers what they want in order to work on plot centered chapters. It’s something I’m conditioned to, but something that isn’t really a pro when writing a real book, which is something I want to do. Maybe I’m giving myself too much crap for this, but eh it’s definitely something that needs fixing.

Another thing that needs work would probably be my tendency to introduce characters and forget about them. One of my original characters, Jay, was a big part in the middle of the book, but then he slowly faded away and wasn’t brought up again until the epilogue.

1. Aberration

Here it is. My first Jarchie fanfic. My pride in joy. Look at the love this fic has been shown? My goodness. 116k. It’s probably my greatest accomplishment. This is my favorite fic and guess what?

It’s total bias.

But let me get into why this is good first. (Jughead being asexual is the best part)

This book is a coming of age story. It’s probably my only fanfic that takes place in the actual Riverdale Universe. All of my other fics are AU’s with the only connection to Riverdale being their names. It starts with Jughead and Archie at 4 years of age and goes up to age 27 with an epilogue at age 33. That being said, I can’t give you a specific plot summary because sooooo many problems arise and so many problems are solved throughout the years. It’s a glimpse of their life, and it’s beautiful.

Good things: sticking to canon. (In the beginning at least) Jughead is just as lost, confused, and edgy as he was in season one. (I say season one because Jughead in season 2 felt like a whole different character and I feel like the writers kind of ruined him. There’s such thing as character development but I think they went overboard. Anyways, that’s a different story.)

Their childhood is written as I envisioned it. There’s canon conversations, like Archie’s proposal to Betty when they were kids. It’s sweet.

Besides sticking to canon, I do a good job of sticking to parallels since there’s such a wide range of events and incidents going on. I think it shows continuity in the characters from when they were 10 to when they were 20.

Not only that, but the plot is just all around entertaining. There’s always something to aww at, something to get mad at, something to laugh at, something to cry at. It’s emotional, watching them grow up and go through all sorts of things. The problems that arise are real coming of age problems. People lose friends, make new ones, go through identity crisis, deal with loss, deal with stress, deal with home issues. It’s all there and very real. It’s raw. I love that. The character development is also amazing. Watching little kids turn into strong men and women is really interesting and fun to watch.

My favorite part is that Jughead is ASEXUAL.

I did so much research. When I found out that Jughead was supposed to be asexual in the show, I took my chance and ran with it. I did my best to represent the asexual community in this book. It’s what makes it so unique. It’s why this is my favorite. I get lots of dms about how this helped people figure out how they identify or get trough what they were feeling. I’ve put resources to the AVEN website, a safe community for asexuals. I did my best and I love the product. I love that I’ve helped people. This really is why this is my number one. Besides that representation, Kevin Keller is gay, Archie is bisexual, Liliana (my og character) is Hispanic, and my other og character, Aaron, is African American. Everyone loves my OCs in the book, especially Jackson. Representation to me is soooooo important. It’s one thing that I really nailed.

Another thing that I love about this book is that my development as a writer is so obvious. As the chapters go on, I get better and better. I start to fall into a style, and it’s so enjoyable to see that reading it again. The chapters get more descriptive, the grammar starts to improve, and the plot starts to get more complex.

However, in terms of technical aspects, it’s probably one of my worst written fics in the beginning. Still not as bad as Meadow of Flowers, but close.

Bad things: First of all, it’s written in present tense. That’s not totally against writing rules, but it’s unconventional and it’s more common for stories to be told in past tense. Again, I didn’t really know what I was doing. It was my first time writing in third person. It was my first time taking a crack at storytelling in years.

The grammar is awful. Because it’s in present tense, my tenses and verbs are sort of messed up at times. It feels awkward. And if it’s not that, it’s the fact that I for some reason can’t spell for my life. It makes for some very embarrassing typos like “he pressed a quick piss to his forehead.” I also didn’t know that whines and wines were two very different things.

...

I used wines as a verb for most of the book. If I was writing in past tense, I probably would’ve caught onto that mistake 100 chapters ago.

That’s another thing, the book is actually 100 chapters long. Despite that though, it doesn’t really drag like the other books do because there’s a new problem that comes along with every age. There’s not many dead spots, but some people do lose interest in it after the two graduate high school which is around chapter 60 I want to say? There’s a table of contents in the beginning that separates the chapters by what grade of school they’re in and by age. It’s convenient. You’ll need it if you don’t feel like sitting through elementary school Jarchie. Or maybe you don’t like college Jarchie and you want to skip to adult Jarchie. I’m telling you, it’s convenient.

But back to the grammar thing, I didn’t know that most quotes didn’t end with periods at the time, and that’s a huge problem that doesn’t get corrected until maybe my fourth book. All the dialogue had periods at the end instead of commas. For instance:

“But you said I could,” Jughead whined.

^That’s correct.

However, this is what I did:

“But you said I could.” Jughead wines.

^That basically sums up how bad the grammar is throughout.

Though technically imperfect, it’s definitely still a good read. The plot is amazing. 116k reads should tell you that it’s worth the read if you can get past those mistakes. Although I’m being hard on myself about it now, no one really noticed it. If they did, they never called me out on it. Honestly, writing on Wattpad has low expectations so just separating paragraphs correctly boosts your writing into the good category. Honestly that’s my biggest pet peeve. I used to do it too, but I can’t read a book that has huge paragraphs of dialogue without a separation between which character is saying what. It gives me headaches.

There’s tons of mistakes in this book, trust me. However, I think I’m going to leave the mistakes there. I want to look back on it, pisses instead of kisses on foreheads and all.

Anyways, I spent a good few hours writing this review and I doubt most people are going to read this but it’s going on my blog because it’s an honest evaluation.

Honorable Mention

That sixth book you see in the first image? The one with the flowers on the cover? It’s called Alphabet Jarchie and it’s my ongoing one shot book. I take a word from every letter of the alphabet and write a one shot about it. Obviously I can’t really rank it with my fics, but the one shots are helping me cut to the chase in my writing, and I think my ideas are pretty good. So if you don’t feel like sitting through my longggggg fanfics (though they are pretty enticing but this is me being harsh) you can check out my one shots.

This was fun.

DistressInDisguise x

Again, you can find my works here or under my username @DistressInDisguise on Wattpad.

#jarchie #jarchie fanfiction #jughead jones #archie andrews #riverdale fanfiction #fanfic #fanfiction #analysis #book review #distressindisguise #wattpad #riverdale #otp

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coppermarigolds · 7 years ago

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Dear Yuletide Writer 2017

Hello Yuletide writer, and thank you in advance for whatever you write this year! This will be my eighth year in a row doing Yuletide. I can't believe it's been that long, but it really has become one of the highlights of my year. Here’s a bit of general information about my fic preferences that I hope will be helpful.

What I like: I typically prefer gen and/or het. Genre-wise, pretty much anything goes–angst, romance, fluff, humor, etc. More specifically, I love fics that dig into characters’ heads: what they’re thinking and feeling, what drives them, how they interact and react to the world around them, and so on. The same is true of relationships–what makes this pairing tick? Why are they together? And so on. I also love love love awesome female characters being awesome. That doesn’t have to mean being physically kickass, either. It could be anything from a witty line of banter to a thoughtful conversation to a creative problem-solving method, just to scratch the surface. I particularly enjoy female characters being assertive and taking charge in relationships.

What I’m not so into: Rape/non-con is my biggest squick. I would prefer for character death to be avoided if possible (unless the story deals with the ramifications of a canonical character death, of course). While I’m fine with an angsty story, I tend to stay away from extremely dark, punch-to-the-gut angst. I like my endings happy, or at least bittersweet and/or hopeful.

Fandom-specific notes:

Alpha Protocol, Mike Thorton and Mina Tang

I’ve been requesting this fandom for years, and by this point I’m pretty sure I will never actually match on it, but I keep trying out of some combination of tradition and stubbornness. Alpha Protocol is actually something of an outlier when it comes to my fandom/video game preferences: the lack of a female player character option and the allusions to real-world politics are usually pretty high up on my “meh” list, but for some reason, I’m still very fond of this game despite both of those things. I think something about the lone agent cut off from almost all support, but still trying desperately to save the world, strikes a chord with me.

For this fandom, I’d primarily enjoy a post-canon fic about what happens next. The variety of endings means there’s a lot of potential ways that could go down, but no matter what happens, I like to think Mike and Mina face it together. I know there are a hundred different options for everything in this game, but somehow whenever I play, I can’t seem to get my Mike to end up with anyone but Mina. I’m a big fan of friends/coworkers to lovers, and I enjoy the mutual respect and support they have for each other throughout the game (assuming you don’t play Mike as a total jackass, anyway :p).

The Expanse (TV), Fred Johnson and Drummer

For all I know, I might be entirely alone in this, but boy do I ever ship these two. It all started the moment Fred jokingly told Drummer to get him some coffee and she gave him that perfect look + hand gesture that told him exactly what she thought of that idea. From that moment on, I knew I was in love. That said, I would be perfectly happy with a gen fic about them as well, so please don't feel obligated to write anything shippy if you don't feel like it.

I'd love to read anything about these two, so I'm not picky, but here are a couple of potential ideas:

• Post-"Pyre" fic! Drummer basically got shot in the gut because she refused to betray Fred. That's some pretty hardcore loyalty to a man who inspires significant mistrust and even outright anger in a lot of people. Fred and Drummer clearly already know each other pretty well, but I feel like this episode presents even more significant bonding opportunities (especially in a shippy scenario), so I'd love a missing scene or coda fic.

• It bugs me that Drummer's never been given a first name in the show. I'd love some kind of explanation for this in fic. Presumably Fred knows her first name. Is there some reason it's seemingly never spoken aloud? Maybe she doesn't think it suits her, or maybe it's just an overabundance of professionalism, or maybe it's something deeper. Feel free to surprise me on this one!

Horizon Zero Dawn, Aloy and Erend

This game has been one of the highlights of my year. Aloy is such a breath of fresh air and I love her so much. She's wonderfully snarky and take-charge and doesn't let anyone talk down to her, but also struggles with the pain of abandonment and ostracism. She's one of those characters that I both relate to in some ways, and aspire to be more like her in other ways.

I also love Erend, and I ship him and Aloy like you wouldn't believe. Physically tough capable dude who is in utter awe of his warrior-goddess girlfriend is basically my shipping catnip. What I love most about their friendship in the game is that Erend admits he started out with the "hotshot guy talking to a pretty girl" mindset, but by the end of the game, he's recognized that Aloy's mission is bigger than him and he was just lucky to have met her as she went about her business. His lack of male entitlement and machismo is really refreshing.

Since there's no actual romance in the game itself, I'd naturally love a fic that delves into their relationship and takes it from friends to lovers (another of my favorite tropes). But if Aloy/Erend or shipfic isn't your thing and you'd prefer to keep it gen, I'm fine with that as well!

A couple more specific ideas (though please don't feel limited to these):

• One thing I wished the game would have explored more is Aloy's reaction to finding out she's a clone. After spending her whole life in search of her mother, discovering she technically didn't have one must have been a blow. But aside from a moment or two of shock and angst, the game doesn't really give her much time or space to process the revelation. Fortunately, fanfic can help with that! So, once HADES is defeated and the dust has settled, how does Aloy deal with the truth of her past? How does she feel about Elisabet? Does she tell Erend about any of this, and if so, how does he react?

• One of my favorite things in the game is finding the bits and pieces of files left behind by the "Old Ones"--i.e., us! I'd love to see a story with Aloy reacting to some of the ancient ruins and information she finds. Does she find them strange and confusing? Or do they help her feel closer to Elisabet?

• I definitely plan to play the DLC that's coming out next month (as of this writing), so if you come up with a fic idea based on that, feel free to write that as well!

Until Dawn, Jessica

Until Dawn is something of a fandom happy place for me (twisted, I know). It's one of those rare fandoms where I genuinely like and am interested in every single one of the characters. I would be happy to read about any or all of them, so feel free to include any of the other characters as you see fit, whether they were nominated for Yuletide or not.

I requested Jess because even though I love all the kids in this game, I have something of a special soft spot for her. I love that she's a little brash and willing to stand up for herself, but also self-aware enough to admit she struggles with insecurities. (My heart goes out to her in that moment, every time.)

A few potential story ideas (though again, please don't feel limited to these):

• As much as it hurts my soul, part of me is morbidly fascinated by the idea of Jess as the night's sole survivor, particularly because she has the least knowledge about what actually happened. She doesn't know anything about Josh's prank, the stranger on the mountain, or Hannah and Beth's ultimate fates. All she knows is that "there's something in the mines." After surviving a night of horror that mysteriously killed all her friends, how would she move forward? Would she struggle with survivor's guilt and/or PTSD? Would she attempt to figure out what exactly happened, or just try to put it all behind her and move on with her life? Would she ever figure out just who/what it was that attacked her?

• Since Jess spends half the game either dead or unconscious at the bottom of a mine shaft, we don't really see much of her relationships with the other kids aside from Mike and Emily. I'd love a story, either pre or post-canon, that expands on her relationship(s) with any of the other characters.

• Does she experience any guilt, either after the game or in the one-year interim after Hannah and Beth's disappearance, for being the one who came up with the idea for the prank on Hannah? How does she deal with it? Does it strain her relationships with any of her friends (including, and perhaps especially, Josh)?

I hope this letter gives you some ideas on where to start! I also typically have anon asks turned on here on Tumblr, so if you have any questions or need clarification on anything, feel free to drop me a line.

Happy writing and happy Yuletide!

#dear yuletide writer #yuletide 2017

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profound-boning · 8 years ago

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Huge GTKM Game

I’ve been tagged in several of these over the past several months I know I’m a mess I’m sorry and I’m finally going to answer some of them!

Tagged by @thecuriouscrusader @blissfulcastiel @glowingdean @casbakespie @adoringjensen

no I’m not tagging anyone else in this monstrosity lol

Relationship status: Taken, just celebrated five years!

Lipstick or Chapstick: I wore lipstick every day when I was in college but now that I’m living with Boyfriend it’d be a big ol waste of time and money and also messy

Last Song I Listened To: uhhh the Star Wars: The Force Awakens soundtrack because I watched that yesterday?

Last Movie I Watched: lol see above

Favorite Color: Pink

Top 3 Favorite Shows: Supernatural, SKAM, and Brooklyn Nine-Nine (I really need to get caught up on those last two damn)

If I had a cat what would I name it: Ooooh see that totally depends I’d have to meet them in person first

Height: 5 foot 3 and one half

Hogwarts House: SLYTHERIN HISS HISS MOTHERFUCKERS

Time right now: 17:09

Average hours of sleep: lmao like under 7 right now because I keep staying up late and then waking up early by force of habit??

Favorite number: 47

Last thing I Googled: ”where do psychiatrists work” for a fic

Fictional character you want as your younger sibling: I want this answer to be Charlie Bradbury except I’d want her to be my OLDER sibling... so let’s go with Rey (sw: tfa) or Isak Valtersen (SKAM)

Blankets I sleep with: Sheet and comforter

Favorite band/artists: Oh man lmao uh Taylor Swift, Fall Out Boy, Paramore, Adele, Ed Sheeran, twenty one pilots, the Arctic Monkeys, others?

Dream trip: GREECE I want to cruise around the islands and see all the history and art

What am I wearing right now: A Corgi crop top and my new THINX undies (all y’all menstruating folk I literally cannot recommend these highly enough)

When I made this blog: THIS blog was like September/October of 2015 I think? I’m too lazy to pull up my archive at the moment. But I’ve been on and off of tumblr since 2011.

How many blogs I follow: 330ish I believe? Again too lazy to open a new tab. It’s a mix of spn blogs and multifandom ones as well as a handful of lovely mutuals :)

What do I post about: On this blog, only supernatural, mostly destiel and brothers and my tears

Pick a word that starts with the first letter of your real name and ends with the first letter of your url: sap

Do I get asks on a daily basis: lmfao no

Why did I choose my tumblr url: I looove my url more than anything and tbh it happened because I came across a text post right when I got into spn (2015) about how dean and cas need to start profoundly boning and here we are :’)

My aesthetic: hot tea brewing in the kitchen, you can see the flowers on the balcony from where you’re standing at the counter, slouchy sweater brushing bare thighs, curls falling loose from your top knot. toes in the sand at the edge of the water, wide brimmed hat casting a shadow on your nose, smiling so big your eyes crinkle in the corners, licking ice cream from your fingertips. lipstick tacky on your bottom lip, eyelashes painted dark, skirt clinging to your ass, swaying your hips to the rhythm, the room is dark and smoky, never touching anyone but relishing that their eyes are on you.

Last show you watched: We don’t have cable so I don’t get to watch shows live on tv. Last time I watched any tv show I believe was Kitchen Nightmares on Hulu!

Last book you read: tbfh it’s been a long time, I’ve been reading mostly fanfiction for a while now. I just finished reading a two part series called “all the stars above and below” a finnpoe au by AndreaLyn on ao3 here

Last thing you ate: Applesauce

If you could be anywhere right now, where would it be?: This is strange question because I’m in my very nice bed and I don’t really want to be anywhere else at the moment but like in general Boyfriend and I are planning on moving to England so I’d like to be there? Kind of? Or like... sitting on a beach somewhere? Sitting next to my sister? I’m not really longing to be somewhere else so much as wanting some things to be a little different? But on the whole I’m extremely satisfied with where I’m at right now.

When would you time travel to?: lol fuck any time period before this one (modern medicine and some more rights are v nice) so I’ll say 3017 but that’s assuming tr*mp doesn’t get our entire goddamned planet fucking destroyed and also that people aren’t asshats to each other based on social constructions and institutions like gender and religion and identity and also ethnic backgrounds :’)

First thing you would do with lottery money: Pay for car repairs and for some of my sister’s university

Character you would hang out with for a day: Castiel or Poe Dameron

Pets: None because we move too much!

First Fandom I joined: Oh boy this is a good question. I was just talking to Boyfriend the other day about how Han/Leia was my first OTP before I really knew what that meant? Like watching the movies as a kid I felt in my heart like “yes they’re so good together please be happy together forever” I wasn’t on the Internet at all until 2008, and not on tumblr until 2011, and not on stan twitter until earlier this year lmao. When I started the tumblr, it was mostly disney and then avengers when it came out? This blog is my first like dedicated I’M IN A FANDOM venture.

Favorite book: I hate this question because I know someone out there will hate me for it *squints* but the honest truth is “The Outsiders” by S.E. Hinton it’s been my favorite since seventh fucking grade so fight me about it!!!1!

Worst thing you’ve ever eaten/tasted: Oh no this is horrible because I’m a fucking picky ass eater lmao uhhh I hate rice?? bad texture.

What class do you wish you paid more attention to in school? This is not the answer you’re looking for but I had some severe problems in my life when I was in high school so really I wish I had been able to pay more attention to everything in school. I would literally time travel back and redo it all if I could. I would have taken my government classes more seriously, gotten more into my history classes, and would have signed up for AP Art History because I fucking wanted to but I didn’t. If those problems hadn’t been there or hadn’t affected me so badly I would have gotten better grades and could have chosen something different for college. In college, I might have looked for something more like anthropology and focused more on language in a cultural and socio-historical context and not just language and teaching language. Similarly without those problems I would have been able to pay better attention in college and have gotten better grades, done more academic research, etc.

Just hypothetically, if you could get rid of one entire species and not have it screw up the ecosystem at all, what would it be? Humans :’) we’re the worst.

First foray into fanfic? How To Train Your Dragon on that fanfiction net website. I remember seeing the second film and feeling so, like, when are those two going to kiss and get married and live happily ever after? I needed that closure. Then I discovered AUs and ~lemons~ and then I was reading Frozen fic for a while(??) and finally Supernatural. Apple Pie Life by @heyacas was the first fic I read on ao3 after it was recced to me and I never looked back.

You can have unlimited anything from a magic cookie jar (item must fit in a standard sized cookie jar) with the caveat that you cannot monetarily profit from it. Like unlimited cash or things you would sell for cash. What’s in the jar? Firstly what the fuck is a standard sized cookie jar. Secondly this wording prompts me to say... cookies

What do you think about Bill Nye the Science Guy? President Nye 2020

That one book you will never read enough times? Other than the one I mentioned above I’ve read Princess Academy by Shannon Hale a million times and I love it so, so much

What’s something super popular that you just. don’t. get? This is the first thing that comes to mind because frankly there are several things that could go here but I’m answering Videos Of People Getting Hurt. Seriously. Why do I want to watch someone fall off of something or worse get pushed/tricked/otherwise manipulated into doing something I can see (or worse, hear) is painful for them? I can’t stand it.

What’s your super power? Not like telepathy (unless you really have telepathy…), but like. what’s the one thing that you’re known for? Uh... nothing probably? I’m not memorable

What’s that story you tell at parties or whatnot to impress people? I am literally the worst at parties? and impressing people? One story I like to tell is how Boyfriend and I met!

What’s the furthest you’ve ever been from home? Home is an extremely fluid concept. Right now I am about 825 miles from the house that I lived in for about 17 years, Boyfriend is at his work around 16 miles away, 5000 miles from Spain... I could go on.

Hobbies: Writing and reading fanfiction

Favorite place: Favorite beach: Lagos, Portugal. Favorite city: Barcelona, Spain. Favorite museum: the Louvre. Favorite church: Saint Mary of the Angels in Winona, Minnesota. Favorite restaurant: This brunch place we found while wandering in Paris, France. Alternate answers: Boyfriend’s snuggles.

Movie you are most excited about for next year: I haven’t seen Spiderman: Homecoming yet but I’m excited to do so! Also STAR WARS THE LAST JEDI

Beanies or Scarves? Scarves

Last person you texted? Boyfriend

Favorite food? Pasta

Favorite season and why? Summer! Because winter is the FUCKING WORST!

Left Twix or Right? Did you mean: belongs in the trash?

Who would win in a fight: Captain America OR Captain Kirk? Okay like Captain America because? superserum? But James T. Kirk is my precious babe I don’t want them to fight :3

Avengers or X-Men? Avengers

Dream Concert: Go back to my Favorite Artists answer and put all of them together in one show :’)

What fictional world/universe would you want to spend a week in: Either Harry Potter’s or Rick Riordan’s (but only if I’m friends with The Squad)

Last video game played: Okay on the real it’s probably Dance Dance Revolution from, like, 2006

#wow this was so long forgive me #I love all you beans #tag game

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ephemereon · 8 years ago

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How I Write meme

Tagged by @thereluctantinquisitor thank youuuu <3 Most of it will be under the cut

I’ll tag (only if you want): @bogatyris @elvenbeard @elidoo @sunshinemage and anyone who wants to do it :D feel free to tag me so I can see :)

Is there a snack you like to eat while writing?

No snack, but I do enjoy a drink - mainly water, or tea, or hot chocolate in winter. The thing is that I forget about food/drinks when I'm concentrated so hot beverages are drank cold at the end :p

What time of day do you usually write?

Whenever I feel like it. Fortunately I'm not as picky as I am in my studies, but I tend to write on late afternoon/evening/night because studies.

Where do you write?

I usually write on my desk or on my bed (where I shift positions every 5 minutes of course). Sometimes if the weather is clement and I feel like going out and writing, I just take some notebook with me and go to the nearby park and write. Same thing when in vacations at the beach :)

How often do you write a new thing?

Effectively write on paper/pc ? Not that often. But in my head, I "write" constantly. Whether it's for a fandom, like Dragon Age prompts running in my head, or developping a character's story, or main events of an original story. When I keep repeating the story in my head and when it's finally settled, I have to write the key points of it or I'll forget them. So yeah the main thing for me is to be sure of what I want to talk about, what backstory I want ( @bogatyris knows how many times I've changed events in Xal's story and still doing that), and the events have to be consistant and coherent with each other.

Do you listen to music while you write?

It's almost a necessity. If I don't have inspiration to write, then I'll go find a song or music - either on youtube or 8tracks. I tend to prefer the latter becaus it allows me to search for a mood. Or I just play a playlist in my evergrowing music folder and get on with it. It's usually music and instrumentals ; or songs in a language I don't understand/or songs I don't know, because I can't concentrate on both writing and the song. (when i draw I listen to either songs or music, it doesn't bother me)

Paper or laptop?

Was paper some time ago, still paper for instant ideas, but it's usually just points or small sentences (and in various colours because I can). So it's mainly laptop.

Do you have a special pre-writing ritual?

A ritual for the occult god of writing of course Setting up a playlist haha, opening the character's folder if needed, opening a dictionnary (for the english writing because I can't find the right word :p).

What do you do to get into the writing?

As mentionned before, characters, events, backstory and story has to be coherent. It has to be linked or else I will get stuck easily at some point, and I'll either have to go back and change things or just drop the story. I need to know how my characters think, evolve, react. It sometimes just starts with an idea, a sensation, a morality, and it grows in my head. Once this is set, I get on with the backstory - whatever happens to them, I just need to know their reaction. It'll shape who they are and how they can evolve.

Do you have a reward system for word counts?

No, or else it can be frustrating. Writing for two hours and seeing you've barely wrote two pages. But when you think of it, there's rewriting and editing and such. So word count isn’t my my main concern (unless there is a limit) :)

Is there anything else about your writing process your readers don’t know?

I usually write (’in my mind’ or in a doc) key events. And then I get stuck when I need to fill in-between events :p I like writing casual things, such as a character waking up, or Dorian and Xal having an intimate moment EHM I also often write and feel the need to develop an idea/prompt/thing, even if it’s not gonna be canon (usually ends up as an AU of an AU, and also usually angsty I’m guilty of that :p sorry bo I always torture you). It keeps my imagination running, helps me find how my character would react in a given situation, sometimes extreme ones. And sometimes it gives me ideas for my canonverse or for drawing. I write unconsistently. This is why tumblr asks and prompt are a good thing because it forces me to write the whole thing (RIP that fanfic that’s still getting follows and that I never finished, I failed you U_U).

For my personal projects, I’m very meticulous, I search for every little detail, sometimes unsignificant to the story, but you get to learn new thing, so it’s a win-win thing in my opinion. Often coupled to drawing the characters, their clothes, weapons, sometimes places where they live/pass by. It takes time and I love it. And it’s actually still waiting for me to return to it haha...

#eph is tagged #how i write meme #eph talks #rereading it for the 5th time to be sure there's no mistake haha #thanks for the tag <3 #thereluctantinquisitor

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larryfanfiction · 8 years ago

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Ao3? hattalove

Tumblr? hattalove

Name? kris

Age? 21

How long have you been a fan of One Direction? i think it’s going to be four years this march….jesus

Who is your favorite fic author? tashie togetherwecouldbealright, and i’m also very partial to 100percentsassy and gloriaandrews’ fics.

What is your favorite fic? THIS IS TOO HARD i don’t know if it’s even possible to just have one favorite, but the first thing that popped into my head was be my little good luck charm.

When did you start writing? long enough ago that i can’t really remember, i learned how to write at 5/6 so probably not long after that. i think i wrote a very lengthy poem about spring when i was 7, so definitely by then.

What was your favorite fic to write and why? in all honesty, the general process of writing is extremely painful for me..but probably run away home, partly because it was about horses and i really love horses, and partly because i’d like to think i improve a little with every fic i write and i ended up really liking the character dynamics i created there, especially lilo and h/l.

How and where do you find inspiration? all sorts of media, usually. i’m very, very bad at coming up with original ideas (working on it, though!), but when i’m watching a movie or tv show, i immediately start thinking of what harry and louis would be like with that kind of dynamic or how they would fit into that environment. it’s been movies, tv shows, a gif…the one i’m writing now was also inspired by a movie, and the one i want to write next is set in a tv show environment.

Are any of your stories influenced by personal experience? i guess it depends. i’d like to think i’m a decent baker, so i drew on that experience when writing leave it to the breeze, and i’ve been a huge horse nerd since age four, which came in useful when writing run away home. i was also in a long-distance relationship, and i’m asexual, which were both key elements of wait up i’m coming home (i just almost forgot that i wrote that one, lol). so i actually guess i do, even though i was ready to say not really.

How do you get over writer’s block? i don’t think i really get writer’s block, i just get lazy. usually it’s because i’ve come to the end of what i initially had planned for the plot, so the only way i move myself forward when that happens is sitting down and forcing myself to plan. if i’m just feeling like i don’t want to write, i try to use time management techniques (like pomodoro, i.e. 25 minutes of focused writing and 5 minutes of pointlessly browsing the internet to reward mysel) or, if it’s an ongoing thing, i try to leave off in a place i know i’ll want to continue the next day.

On average, how long does it take to write a fic? all of my longer 1d fics were started/written as part of nanowrimo, which really helps move things along. for the monster fics i always seem to end up doing i’d say maybe two to three months of consistent writing. the issue, and the reason i literally post one fic a year, is that i’m not consistent, lol.

How often do you sit down to write? What does your ideal work setting look like? if i’m in the ‘groove’, ideally i like to write every day. it just helps keep everything fresh in my memory so i know where i’m picking up, and also helps get everything done faster. the only thing i really need is complete silence/white noise. i used to be really particular about where i wrote, but i’ve learned to be more flexible as my life got busier, so now i don’t really mind - i’ve written at work, at school, at coffee shops, bus stops, in the library, all over the place. if i am at home, though, i like to have a cup of tea while i write.

Pick 3 things that are absolutely necessary to make a good story!

characters!! nothing works for me if the characters aren’t good or, in the case of fic, if they’re ooc.

character growth/development

things like grammar, syntax, punctuation, capitalisation, paragraph breaks. i’m unfortunately a very picky reader, so what a story looks like plays a big role for me.

What do you like most about the writing process? i really love how stories change from what you intend them to be. when i start i’ll usually have a basic outline of the plot and characters, but the story kind of takes on a life of its own and new scenes/plot points/character motivations come into my head as i’m writing and often take the story in a different direction, so i end up with something totally new! i also love the rush of excitement after i post the fic. i usually go to sleep right after so i can wake up to reactions, whatever they might be, haha.

What is your favorite genre/tag to write? in my early fanfic days i used to really enjoy writing angst, but 9 times out of 10 it doesn’t work with h/l. when i’m writing about them i just like all sorts of romance-y stuff, especially them getting together, so in terms of tags i guess i’d say friends to lovers.

What kind of scene do you find hardest to write? Easiest? hardest is probably action/scenes where a lot of things happen in quick succession, i struggle with pacing those properly. smut is really hard, too. easiest are dialogue-heavy scenes, both friendly and romantic fond banter, and specifically lilo friendship scenes, haha.

Do you write chronologically? yes. if there’s a scene i’m really looking forward to writing, i plot it out in detail and use it as motivation to write faster so i can get to it.

What’s one thing that not a lot of people know about you, and you feel comfortable sharing? i feel like i put everything really personal on the internet to be honest, haha. but i feel like the most interesting thing about me is the fact that i work at an escape room, so i literally lock people in rooms and then spy on them through a camera for a living.

Are you currently working on something? Can we have a little preview? i am! i’ve talked about this a little on my blog, it’s an au based on the movie sweet home alabama. it’s a huge mess right now, but here’s a bit i like:

“I’m not sure I believe you,” says Louis, half-grinning. “I’ve moved on, Harry, the best that I could. I’d love it if you disappeared tomorrow, sure, but you being here isn’t—I don’t know. It’s not breaking my heart in two, or whatever Liam would have you believe.”

He avoids Harry’s eyes as he says it.

“But—actually. Since you are here, I wanna show you something.”

Harry blinks at the sudden change in demeanour, and has to scramble to get up and follow Louis out of the door. He’s walking up the stairs briskly, brushing his hand over the picture frames as he goes in what looks like an unconscious habit.

Harry catches up with him on the landing upstairs. He’s standing right in front of the white door that Harry tries to pretend isn’t there, looking at it with his arms wrapped around himself.

“What…” Harry starts, looking him over. He looks small, but determined, standing firm, with his chin tipped up.

“You know what,” he says, quiet.

Harry shakes his head. He, too, hugs himself, needing something to keep him together just in case.

“You don’t have to do this,” he says.

“I want to,” Louis replies. “It’s been too long. I just—I didn’t want to get rid of it without you. That’s just stupid, isn’t it.”

“No,” Harry says immediately, reaching out to touch Louis’s shoulder before he realises who they are, where they are, and pulls back. “It’s not stupid, Louis.”

“Don’t start indulging me now,” he half-laughs, rubbing his arms like he’s cold even though it’s June. “It felt like the right thing to do, I don’t know. It’s just that—regardless of the fucked up things you did,” and Harry flinches there, can’t help himself, “this hurt you, too.”

It’s not a question, of course it’s not. They’d cried about it together, enough times for Louis to know exactly how heartbroken Harry had been.

They share a look, there in the dark corridor, that’s heavy with understanding, perhaps for the first time.

Anything you would like to say to your readers? thank you!! thank you all a million times over. i never, ever imagined my writing would get the kind of response it has gotten from everyone in this fandom. i get really overwhelmed when people say nice things and don’t always reply, but know that i see and appreciate all of it ♥ also, sorry for being shit and only posting once a year, lol.

Thank you so much, Kris! The Sweet Home Alabama fic sounds amazing!

#as #feb17

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the-mind-of-ginger-blog · 8 years ago

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Okay, so I haven't written anything in a few days and the couple of last days I did write I didn't put on Tumblr so…Here they are!

I am distraught. That's not quite right, but I don't think jsdlkfjdslkdfhsdlkjagf;hsdjkfjsdjfhsdklfhsdjfhjsd is a word. Even that set of letters and a semi colon is correct. At this moment in time I feel broken. I don't know if that's a good thing or not, but it just kinda is. I cried last night. I have only cried within the last five years or so because of my fathers death. Otherwise, I don't cry. Why did I cry? I cried because I have been trying so hard to control myself. To keep my broken soul in check. I …I can barely think coherently no less type. I didn't go to work today. I would have done something really stupid if I had. I feel…it's not like I feel like hell. It's not even that I feel like death. If I didn't feel so terrible, I'd almost say I feel alive. But I am broken. My soul is broken and it has been broken for quite some time. I've tried to hide it. Tried to make myself forget about it, but my constant need to improve myself seeped in and shattered whatever semblance of control I had over it.

I don't know what to do now. I'd say maybe I should start over, but it's a bit late for that. My dad is dead. My mother is not exactly at her best. I try to feel something, anything, for the people and things around me, but I'm afraid I can't. It feels like my life has just been one giant lie. A lie I probably perpetuated, but a lie none the less. I see why I put mental block loops in my mind. It really was worse than anything right now.

I'm a fool. I had to start typing things out. I had to start trying to improve myself yet again. Why can't I just sit back and play video games, watch tv, and laugh at stupid things.

Talking about my empatheticness didn't help. I'm on the verge of tears at my own frustration in not being able to help or do anything.

Let me tell you a story. When I was around five years old, I created a world. It was a simple thing. There was myself, my girl, my guy, and two villains. We fought and we always won. Through the years, I started changing a few things. The specific villains left, but I added new people. People who mean more to me than anything else in existence. I created Catherine. She was the first and technically only woman for me. She was kind, strong, soft, beautiful, sassy, loving, and I could go on and on. She was everything I wanted out of a partner. From her morphed Samantha. I don’t remember why I wanted two woman. I'll toss it up to youthful longing. Technically, Samantha is a part of Catherine. Samantha took the sassy, charge ahead aspects of Catherine. Catherine became a bit more subdued. So I never really though of them as two different people. It sounds weird, I know, but it is what it is. The man who I first created was Simon. I hadn't ever named him until much later, but that name stuck. He was…how do I put this…I love him. I love him with a similar intensity that I love Catherine. The difference is that I am straight and never considered it sexual. I created more people over time. Patrick, who is something of an amoral doctor type, but who I loved just as deeply as Simon. Funny thing, Samantha is actually Patrick's sister. Next was Katelina. She is one of the most devious people you will never meet. She and Patrick get along wonderfully. Olivia would be next and she is a calm, cool, collected person. She also knows how to blow things up. She's fun that way. Last, but certainly not least: Fred. You might be thinking: "Fred? Why Fred?". Funny story: I remember giving him a more french sounding name, but I forgot it for some reason or another I went with Fred because I know that's not his real name. Fred's an assassin you see. Nobody get's to know his name.

So, instead of ever using my emotions in real life where people would scoff, hurt, and pretty much try to destroy me: I created my own world. I didn't live in this world like some people do. My emotions, my soul lived in this world. Over time, however, I needed to do more in the real world. The old world fell by the wayside. Now you might assume that when I say my soul is broken I mean that I have forgotten my world. Nothing could be farther from the truth. My soul feels broken because I always imagined the world around a certain age. That age, is now passed. You will probably think it pathetic that I'm like this, but I don't think you comprehend it. My world was/ is everything to me. My heart and soul belong to it. Every hope and dream I had belonged in it's confines. And now that time has passed, I have nothing. My world is a lie. A lie of my own making. Everything I ever wanted is a lie. I have been lying to myself for twenty some odd years. What could you possibly know about my suffering?

It's not like I'm entirely pathetic in this world. I'm one of the smartest people on this planet, I am damn good looking, I have not done nothing. But I haven't done what I want. Nothing has happened that I need. I suppose I will continue living, but it is a hollow life. I've tried my hardest not to believe it, but writing things out here just reinforces it. Nothing I do in this life will compare even in the slightest with my own world.

It's not like everything was perfect in my world. I experienced such loss, such love, such life that will never appear for me in this world. I don't think anything I say will convince anyone of this. You really would have to be me.

So now I am here. Typing out my greatest failure as a person. I'm trying to bring my soul together. All it is is a bunch of loose bits strung together in some fashion. I guess I know now why it's been hard to "feel" the way others seem to. I put most of my feelings in my world. Except anger. And some sadness.

I want to do more. I want to be greater, but everytime I think of it all I can see is my world. How nothing in this life is going to compare. I feel so stupid. I hate myself so much. Why did I have to be this way? I've always felt like something was wrong. I just didn't realize it was my own stupidity. I'm not entirely sure I can get past this. Even with all my self-confidence and self-esteem, it pales in comparison with what I believe I should be. What my life should be. I know I'm the best, but only in this world. I'm nowhere near what I could be and I hate that. It's like being able to see your future self, but knowing that you will never reach that self because of a choice you made long ago.

I would say I feel empty, but I think I'd be able to sleep if I felt empty. I'm not even sure I could call this depression. This doesn't feel like my normal depression. Hell, I even took my meds this morning and they sure as hell haven't helped much. Maybe I should try to sleep. Piece together what little I can of my soul and sleep. I'm scared to. I almost don't want to piece it back together. It would just be piecing a lie back together. What else am I supposed to do? I don't feel like dying and I don't feel like living. All I want is to escape into my world and never return. Hell, even if I could do that I don't think it would help. It would still be a lie and I hate lying. I hate lying to myself more than just about anything.

Well…I think I'll try to sleep. It's the only thing I can do. Maybe I can do…something with it…I don't know…Maybe god will actually help this time…probably not…

Sleep didn't really help. I don't know what to do. If I could love, if I could feel what I want to feel then maybe…I don't know how to explain it.

I sound so pathetic. It's making cringe to even write this. Asldkfjasl;kdfj. That's jfaslkdjf. Alsjalkdfjksahdkghskdghjsdhgoiejroihwritjrjghfdxlkfhfsldjgjh sfdlkg shokfdsjlagh hjoadfskkvgzfdshjvsadlfzgsjhljk. That's how I feel about it. Heh, ain't life a bitch. I should probably eat something. I only had a couple of mandarin oranges this morning and it's already afternoon. Of course, that means I might have to speak words or talk to another human. I don't know if I can handle that right now. I should get food.

Alrighty then. I've eaten, I've spoken to another human being, and I'm feeling marginally better. I came to the realization that I'm probably suffering from brain rearrangement syndrome (not a real thing). My brain is rearranging itself for some unknown reason and I'm only along for the ride. Oh god I feel terrible. That doesn't really express what I feel, but that's the best I've got right now. I think that I might play some games to try to distract myself. Or, worse yet, listen to music and read fanfics. That is a terrible idea, but I am gravitating towards it.

I think I'm slowly getting a little better. I think I'm still going to ask off work for the next week or so. My body, soul, and heart need it. I wanted to feel things? Well here you go! Good luck! Someone should kick me…

Okay. I'm feeling even…better? I'm not sure how to put it. I've realized I haven't posted any of these to Tumblr. I might do that bits at a time. I need a girlfriend. I also need a wife, but I suppose girlfriend should be first. The problem though, is that I am extremely picky and all the girls I have been interested in I find out later they are really not my type. I need someone on my level. When I consider myself top 1% or top .1% of people on this planet, my options are limited. Especially where I am situated. I live in an international city, but I wouldn't say that the people who live here are my type. Not really. Every time I've lowered my parameters, nothing good happens. I really should be extremely hard on myself and whoever I want to pick. They will need to like me of course, but I think that shouldn't be a problem.

It's funny, though. I'm (stupidly) reading these fanfics (though I am trying really, really hard to stop) and I've forgotten how much smut might be in them. Also the teenage love angst that I never really dealt with because I never met anyone I really liked when I was a teenager. Of course, the angst is through the memories of people in there twenties so more likely than not the angst is more 18-25 love angst than 14-17.

I desperately want to flirt with someone. I don't mean flirt without expecting. I mean flirt knowing they are turned on by it and also want you. Oh god…I think I should stop writing. My mind (I'm not calling this anxiety dammit!) is going crazy again. I don't know whether that's a good thing or a bad thing. Thank god I'm going to sleep soonish. I need my brain to work again. This isn't working. I need god to grant me some powers or something and direct me to a place I will find all that I need. It's not like I'm not trying! It's that it's really damn hard…

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