#what’s that quote about grief as the final translation of love | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

andydrysdalerogers · 1 month ago

Text

To The Limit - 3

F1 Racer Johnny Storm x OFC Maya Levinson

Summary: He's been away from the sport for 2 years. He has 24 races to prove he belongs here. There are two things that could derail this: his family and her.

She's the one thing he is willing to push to the limit for.

This a sequel to my original story, "Following Team Orders" If you want to get caught up in my Formula One world, you can find it HERE

Future Warnings: references to a partner's death, cheating (but not by the MCs,) alcohol consumption, SMUT!, angst, racing incidents, language, grief, etc.

Moon Dividers by @firefly-graphics

Car divider and Banners by me!

Previous Chapter: Two

Story Master List // Main Master List

I do NOT give permission for my work to be translated or reposted on here or any other site, even if you give me credit. DO NOT REPOST MY FICS. Reblogs, comments, likes, and feedback ALWAYS appreciated

Maya

I hate being late.

If you ever had an overbearing brother who loves to criticize just because he’s been a champion in the most difficult and prestigious sports in the world, you would totally get me.

You don’t?

Lucky you.

My brother, Ari Levinson, just had to go and win the Drivers World Championship in Formula One four times.

Showoff.

Anyways, he retired and took some time to himself until a couple of years ago. That’s when he was approached to be the team principal for Mercedes. I was working in formula three at the time as a social media reporter. That’s when I gor the call from Ari to be the public relations director for the team.

I now work for my brother.

Joy.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my brother but I never thought this would be my life. Ari is 15 years older than me. He left to drive at 18 and never looked back. I was three, still toddling after him when he left. He only came home during long breaks and even then, he was on his SIM or at the factory. But he always made time for me, the little tag-a-long that sat on his lap when he was practicing or always wore his team colors. I was his little girl.

At least, not until mama and papa passed away,

We don’t talk about it much. I was 15 when it happened, and Ari was in the middle of his third championship run. It was summer so I was with him on the road. When it came time for school, he had asked me if I wanted to be home schooled or if I wanted to go to boarding school. I had two more years before university. I don’t know what Ari really wanted to do. He never told me or mentioned if he wanted me to stick close.

I went to boarding school. And then to university. I only saw Ari at holidays or summer. It was... I don’t even know... lonely. It was lonely. I had nothing in common with my brother. He was shoved into a parental role for a heartbroken 15-year-old girl. He gave up on the sleeping around and partying, especially when I was on the road with him.

After the fourth championship, he decided to retire and move to London, where I started to work for McLaren in their social media department. That’s when we reconnected. We had Sunday dinners and lunches during the week. I got to know my brother away from the track. And he was able to, finally, get a life. He met Sarah. She was nice. At least until she wasn’t. The divorce was hard on Ari. Especially when Sarah used how he had to raise me as reasons he was unreliable as a partner. Lucky I was old enough to testify to the contrary so she couldn’t take as much as she wanted.

Now that my life story is done, for the most part, now you can understand why I am running through the paddock. I hate disappointing my brother when he has done a lot for me.

I wish I had gotten to the track sooner. But the perfect PR storm hit the Mercedes Garage, and it required me to work out of the hotel instead of track side. While I’m happy for Olivia and Steve, the look of a pregnant driver testing, of all things, has made a lot of noise. I had to do interviews and give quotes to questions asked.

And on top of that, I had to deal with Cole’s accident and the hiring of Johnny Storm. Like I said, it's been a storm of epic proportions. I check my watch, hoping that I will have a quick minute to wish my boyfriend luck before my drivers are in the cars.

But my mind drifts to Johnny. I haven’t seen him in two years. I can assume he won’t remember me. I never gave my name that night. I wanted a night where I wasn’t Ari Levinson’s baby sister. But I remember what Johnny called me.

Luna.

I really liked that. He liked me for me and not my name. And I wish we could have pursued something but the next day it was announced that he lost his ride. And then he was underground for two years before my brother brought him back. I’m excited to see him but I am not sure how to handle it. Two years in a long time for things to change. Its not like I can pursue anything anyways.

If there was something there between us, like I thought we had.

My cell phone ringing brought me back from the memory of that night. Its Ari. “Hello?”

“Where are you, Maya?”

“I’m running. The last meeting with the FIA took longer than I thought. I was just going to stop by Ferrari and then be right there.”

“Tell Carlos I said be safe. But come ASAP Maya. I want to introduce you to Johnny.”

“Yes, Ari.” I hang up and rush into the red hospitality area of Ferrari. I stopped on of the staff. “Is Carlos in his room?”

He shook his head. “Sorry I think he is already in the garage.”

“Thanks. I text him.”

Maya: Carlos, where are you? Carlos: sorry carina, they called me to the car sooner that I thought. Maya: I can’t stop by but good luck today. Carlos: I’ll see you after, hermosa.

My heart flutters at the pet names. I shove my phone in my bag when I slam into someone. Big, warm hands grab my arms before I can fall over, and I grab my bag before my laptop hits the ground. A deep voice says. “I’m so sorry.” Its familiar and comforting.

“It's ok, I wasn’t looking.”

“Luna?”

I look up into the ocean blue eyes of Johnny Storm. And clearly, he remembers me.

Johnny

Two Years Prior – End of Season Gala

The gala had been nice. It was nice to celebrate Steve second championship, but it left me a little bitter. I had come in second again. I tossed back the scotch I had and asked for another.

“A man like you should be celebrating his achievements not mourning them.” Her voice was light and sweet. The scent of strawberries and vanilla teased the air around me. I turned to see a brunette with some of the bluest eyes I had ever seen. With the full moon behind her, it looks like the moon is framing her. She’s gorgeous and I fight my jaw falling open. I instead, swallow the new drink placed in front of me.

“Just missing out on being a world champion is a tough pill to swallow.” I lift my glass to her, and she toast me with her champagne. “To you, Luna, for reminding me that I need to keep perspective.” I sip my drink.

“Luna?”

I smile. “Yeah, Luna. Bright and inviting, at first glance, but an edge of mystery and darkness that you just want to get to know.”

She snorts. “Does that work?”

I play dumb, “does what work?”

“That line.”

I shrug. “Dunno. Never tried it.” I take another sip as I take in more of her beauty. She must be the hottest woman I have seen since Molly.

“Ok, speed racer, I’ll bite. Why do you think I am mysterious and dark?”

An errant curl falls in front of her face. I take the stands in my hand and feel how smooth and silty they are before tucking it behind her ear. “Because you’re beautiful, I've never seen you before and I want to stay in your orbit. But I also think that you won’t be giving up your name tonight.” My fingers skim down her neck and I hear her breathing hitch.

“That’s very presumptuous.” She gives me a smile that make my cock jump in my pants. “And a little true. I don’t usually come to these events, but my boss made all of us attend to celebrate Olivia Rogers take third in the championship.”

“So, you work for one of the teams? Interesting. Mercedes, I’m guessing since you’re hear celebrating Liv.” She nods. “That's nice.” I see the dancing start. I grimace and turn back to my Luna. “Wanna get out of here?”

I can’t believe it. Luna. She’s here, technically in my arms as I hold her steady. She looks up at me with her beautiful blue eyes and just blinks. “Johnny.” The way she says my name, it's like she was prepared to see me. I set her on her feet, but I stick close to her.

“Luna, you’re still with Mercedes?”

She blushes. “Yeah. Wow Johnny, you’re back.” She looks around nervously.

“Is everything ok?” My awareness is peaked. She looks very nervous to see me. But I feel happy to see another familiar face. Being new to the team is hard and with how the car is handling, I feel lost. I used to be good at this job. I used to be number two.

Now I’m at the bottom.

I try to shake off the negativity as I watch as my Luna swishes her ponytail back and forth while she looks for something or someone. “I, well...” she stammers. “I have to tell you something.”

“Uh, sure, ok.” I rub the back of my neck. “Do you want to go to my driver room? Its private or we can...”

“Storm!” I turned to see Ari walking over to me. “I see you met our public relations manager.” He wraps an arm around Luna and tugs her close. “This is Maya, one of the best public relation directors in the business.”

I stare at her for a second and then glance back and forth between them. Are they dating? Are they married. They look awfully similar.

“She’s also my sister.”

Yep, that’s it. I know I can’t hold my shock face. How did I not see it before? They have the same coloring, but while Ari has obviously brown hair, Luna’s is a dark chocolate brown. But there is no mistaking those eyes. “Maya, was it?” I stuck out my hand. “It’s nice to meet you.”

I can see the panic in her eyes, but I encourage her to take my hand. “It's nice to meet you, Johnny. I have a list of things I wanted to go over with you. I’m sorry we couldn’t have met sooner.”

I stick my hand in my pockets. “Yeah, well, i know that there have been so many changes around here. You’ve had to be on your toes. Right, boss?”

Ari nods. “Bug getting pregnant and then Cole getting hurt has left a shitstorm on Maya’s desk, but I knew she could handle it.” He kissed the top of her head. “Maya, I set up time for you to run things with me and Johnny after the race and review. I’ll see you after the race, sis. Johnny, you’ve got about half an hour before you need to start prep.”

I mock salute him before giving him the shaka sign. He shakes his head before walking off. I turned to Maya. “This has been interesting,” I tell her.

“I’m sorry, I wanted to tell you privately before the weekend started but with all the press surrounding Olivia...”

“Hey, I get it. We never said names, Luna. And I was gone from the sport so there was no reason to find me again after that night.” I rocked on my heels. “Guess I shouldn’t ask you out then, seeing as you’re the boss’s sister and all.” I give her my best cocky grin, even if it's a bit forced.

She grimaces. “I really hate my brother for telling everyone that I’m off limits. I’m not 12.” She huffs with indignation, and I can’t help but laugh. But before I can say anything, my phone chimes. I look at it and pale.

Susie: SOS sorry but I need you for a minute.

“Sorry, I have to go. See you later Luna.” I rush out of the garage, trying not to panic.

I really don’t need this before my first race in two years.

Taglist:

@patzammit

@texmexdarling

@slutforchrisjamalevans

@firephotogrl74

@tinkerbelle67

@before-we-get-started

@bunnyforhim

@alexakeyloveloki

@sunnyhummingbee

@whiskeytangofoxtrot555

@peaceinourtime82

@saucy-sassy-sparkly

@kmc1989

@kandis-mom

@lokislady82

@raven-blue3000

#andy's shenanigans #andy's hea #chris evans #chris evans fanfiction #johnny storm au #johnny storm fic #johnny storm smut #johnny storm x ofc #following team orders #follow team orders sequel #ari levinson au #formula one au #andy barber #steve rogers #ari levinson #to the limit

14 notes · View notes

rottentiger-art · 2 years ago

Text

tag people you would like to get to know better

Thank you @gigantomachy1916 and @litterateur97 for the tag!! It's crazy how much we have in common lol

1. Three Ships

Ooof, I got so many, I'm gonna put the three I'm currently obsessed with (bc I'm not sure I could choose just three as favorite)

Vegebul, my beloved, my OTP, the light in my life, the best anime couple imo

Trumai (yes, both versions), the successor of Vegebul, they have me in a hold just as strong as them, it's such a weird but fun pairing, I adore them

Hurrem x Suleiman (look at themmmmm) everytime suleyman spoke his poems to hurrem I melted, no ship has ever have such romantic quotes. Plus, i use a lot of their scenes for royal aus, it's just gold

I know you said three but I gotta give an honorable mention to Lawmane, who's ever present in my mind, even if I dont post about them as often as before. They would've been THE couple if only Misa hadnt fallen for that gay republican

2. First Ever Ship

I think it was either Sparrabeth or Quogan, I'm not too sure (Quogan was the first ship I've read a fanfic of tho). I'm still obsessed with both, maybe more than when I was younger. I remember wanting Spareabeth to be endgame and to know more of Quogan's life after the show's end, but now it's a NEED

3. Last Song

Funeral by Mon Laferte. It's an amazing song, it speaks of being in a loveless/passionless relationship and wondering how it got that way and wanting nothing more than for it to finally reach its end. My favorite part goes something like this: "While I prepare breakfast I feel so terribly alone, suddenly I want to die, I want to run away from you. I wish I was on the ocean, letting the waves carry me away, I want to stop breathing; dont wake me up, I want to keep dreaming about our funeral" not a perfect translation, but you get the point. The narrator feels so helpless and is so desperate to find a way put an end to that relationship, other part of the song reflects her regret on how they both let the relationship die and wishes she could go back in time and prevent it, but nonetheless their love has died and they're both wasting their time by still being together.

I listen to it a lot when I need to think an angst AU or something lol. But the singer is so good and shows such emotions through her voice, it makes me relate, even tho I've never been on that situation (thankfully)

If you want to get into Hispanic music, I definitely recommend Mon Laferte, she's one of my favorite artist, "Se me va a quemar el corazón" is another amazing song of hers that I recommend.

4. Last Movie

The Menu (2022)

Amazing movie, it was fun and light to watch and not to be taken too seriously + it has my gf Anya Taylor-Joy (ORGULLO ARGENTINO), I took a peek at its tag on ao3 out of curiosity and I'm embarrassed to say who I'm shipping now, but if you know me, you can probably guess

5. Currently Reading

Nothing new, I've re read my favorite books, The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry and Chronicle of a Death Foretold by GGM. The little prince was the first book ive ever read, I always heard it's a book you should read as a kid and then later as an adult, and my God, it's true, it's a completely different experience. 6 yo me thought it was a fun book about a man hallucinating in the desert, 24 yo me cred like a baby full of longing for a childhood I didn't appreciate and grief of the kid in me that inevitably died as I grew up and became an adult.

I never tire of reading CoaDF, everytime I expect the end to be different even tho the very beginning tells you what's gonna happen.

I dont have much time, so I choose those too bc they're a short read. However, I'm gonna start to reread asoiaf books too, bc I can never get enough of them

6. Currently Watching

Like I said, I have no time, so I stick to Sitcoms I can put on the bg while I work. I'm currently rewatching The Nanny, I forgot how much I loved it. And I swear, I'll start dressing as Fran as soon as I have time to buy new clothes, her style is just, mwah chef's kiss, obsessed.

And omg, I forgot how slow the burn in this show was, its Season 5 and they're still not dating!!!! Immabout to throw gasoline at them!!!!!

7. Currently Consuming

I ordered some Pizza, it should be here any moment, I'm sure you can guess why

8. Currently Craving

TIME PLEASE, I NEED TIME TO BREATH, I HADNT DRAW ANYTHING IN SO LONG AND ITS AFFECTING ME SO MUCH

I also need to finish my fic and socialize more. So I crave time, I need a vacation.

9. Tagging

@tomwise @emcads @littlewomenpodcast @mslilylashes ❤ anyone that wants to do it, feel free to!

#tag game #beloved mutuals #vegebul #trumai #hurrem x suleyman #lawmane #sparrabeth #quogan #mon laferte #the menu (2022)#anya taylor joy #the little prince #chronicle of a death foretold #cronicas de una muerte anunciada #asoiaf #the nanny #fran fine #idk what else to tag

26 notes · View notes

lire-casander · 2 years ago

Text

i hear your name in every word i say

surprise! i bet you didn't expect me to post today, did you? well, @wtfuckevenknows @moviegeek03 and @laelipoo did (because you're such enablers and you know it!), but i wanted to keep this as much a secret and a surprise as i could because i didn't know whether or not i could be able to post this in time.

special thanks go to @morganaspendragonss and @de-ligts for the fastest beta-reading in the whole world. you guys rock!

if you're reading on a computer, please roll over the spanish texts to find the translation. if you aren't and need translation, please let me know and i will do my best to come back to you with it asap!

the title and quote from last part of this story come from hanson's song every word i say. but there are more songs by them that have inspired me to write this story, especially underneath, a song to sing, save me, never let go, and with you in your dreams. if you've been around long enough, you probably know by now that they're my comfort band, and they've got a song for every single emotion out there. name one emotion, i can easily quote a hanson song back at you.

you will also find quotes from ronen and rafael's exclusive interview with entertainment weekly.

i hope you enjoy reading this fic as much as i've enjoyed (and cried) writing it. i started this without having watched the finale, so at some point it might be a bit off, but no matter what, this is what i would have liked the wedding and the vows to go. just like i did a couple of years back, this story is written for me. i've tried to convey all i felt while watching this season, discovering new sides of my favorite characters and facing some things, such as grief and pain and self-growth alongside them. sometimes a person needs to do something that's deeply and intrinsically for themselves.

this is one of those times.

i love you all. thanks for being here with me this time around, and here's for another revolution around the sun!

i hear your name in every word i say

masterlist of fics here

sitting all alone in this place

even though we're here face to face

there is nothing gone

but there's something wrong

can't you see that i'm stuck here underneath

TK never thought he’d be in this situation on his wedding day. If he’s being honest with himself, four years ago he wouldn’t have even believed he was worthy of love, much less worthy of being loved so much that someone might want to tie the knot with him. But it’s not the wedding he’s worried about. They’ve postponed everything on Carlos’ request, and they will find another venue and another date that’s not so close to Gabriel’s passing, so it doesn’t hold bad memories for Carlos and his family. He knows Carlos asking for a bit of time and space doesn’t mean he doesn’t love TK anymore; he’s grown confident enough in the love they share to be aware of that. But there’s more to it than just Carlos dealing with his feelings, and TK can’t help it.

He’s worried about Carlos. That’s what true love, soulmate-level love, does to a person.

When there’s an illness, the family has some time to get used to the idea. Not to accept it, because nobody’s wired to accept death without fighting it. But the little time the illness grants gives a little perspective, precious minutes to say goodbye, to honor that person. But when death falls upon people like a stone thrown into a river, there’s no time for anything but crying, no space for anything but anger.

TK knows it well.

Carlos hasn’t been sleeping at all. TK gets it — when his mother passed, he’d fallen into unhealthier patterns than not sleeping. But it’s one thing not to sleep a wink at night and then fall asleep briefly on the couch, and a completely different thing to not want to sleep. Gabriel’s loss is still recent, merely hours, not even a full day; it’s expected that his family won’t be able to function properly yet. But Carlos’ attitude is different. Carlos isn’t just angry.

Carlos is plotting vengeance.

And it’s not that TK doesn’t get it. He does; oh, boy, does he. It’s that he knows the toll it will take on Carlos’ soul — Carlos, who has never intentionally harmed anyone, is now planning an intervention, thinking about going full Rambo on some suspect they’re not even sure is the one behind the shooting. TK doesn’t know how to help his fiancé without causing more damage that could probably be permanent. He’s aware of the stubbornness of grief and the insanity of mourning.

Neither suits Carlos, but TK can’t do anything about it without breaking the trust that he’s promised to keep.

keep reading on ao3

#lire's 40 to the 40s #offically 40 #woah i'm old #tarlos #tk strand/carlos reyes #carlos reyes/tk strand #andrea reyes #tk strand #carlos reyes #angst #mentions of grieving #mentions of death #spoilers for season 4 #spoilers for s04e17 #spoilers for s04e18 #911ls #911 ls #911 lone star #happy birthday to me!

12 notes · View notes

thedoggoesed-ward · 2 years ago

Text

under the cut;

So let’s pick this apart a little bit

There is nothing to be learned in a lesson without pain, because you can’t gain anything without losing something in exchange. But when you overcome that pain and make the lesson your own you will obtain an infallible, irreplaceable fullmetal heart.

Now since this is a comic we also have to take the image itself into account. None of the photos are of just one person. Even the dog managed to have puppies. So we can assume that the idea of community is also integral to what Arakawa’s trying to say here (I hesitate to say friendship, because, well, not all of these guys are friends, lol). Also, during Edward’s final showdown with Truth he states he’ll make due without his alchemy so long as he’s still got other people he can rely on

And Truth’s response is basically “Ding ding! You finally get it! Go claim your prize at the door, I never want to see your ugly mug again.”

(I don’t know Japanese, but I’m pretty sure that’s an accurate translation)

At its barest bones Fullmetal Alchemist is about overcoming past mistakes with the help of others. This is all fine and dandy, but without proper execution they just become empty words pasted onto the final pages in a halfhearted attempt at depth. I think most people know of stories about sacrificial love where there is neither meaningful sacrifice nor a healthy portrayal of love, or stories about overcoming overwhelming odds through the power of hard work and effort where every victory is handed over on a silver platter of asspulls and accelerated training arcs. It doesn’t matter how good something sounds if the execution sucks.

With that in mind, let’s look at some of the characters of Fullmetal Achemist and the mistakes they’ve made.

Fullmetal Alchemist: A Series of Terrible People Trying to Become Less Terrible

So this one is super easy. We’re presented with our lovable protagonists’s first major screw up on chapter 1, page 1

Oh look, it’s that quote again. Golly gee willikers, it’s almost as if Awakara knew what story she wanted to tell and integrated the main theme from the very beginning.

It’s not terribly uncommon for a manga to make some sort of thesis statement during their first chapter, but from the (few) long-running serializations I’ve read, the longer a series runs the more muddled these things get as far as theme and narrative go. It’s one of the difficult things about trying to keep an audience engaged over a long period of time.

Fullmetal Alchemist is more tightly plotted than most shonen affairs, but there’s another thing that helps it keep from undercutting its own themes, and that’s that it lets its protagonists actually make terrible mistakes, and more importantly makes them suffer because of it.

The Elric’s attempt to resurrect their mother is never treated as anything but a horrible thing that never should have happened. Yes, the boys’s plight is sympathetic and the loss of their mother after their father abandoned the family was a tragedy, but they were told time and time again that human transformation was not only impossible, but forbidden

Of course the Elric brothers don’t listen, because otherwise there wouldn’t be a series. It cannot be overstated that they purposefully kept their plans secret. They didn’t tell Winry or Izumi or any one else that they were going to try to revive their mother. Perhaps they don’t feel like they can talk to anyone about their grief, but there’s also a definite hubris involved. Edward and Alphonse -- but especially Edward -- think they can accomplish something “adults” have found impossible.

Perhaps if they had talked to Izumi more she would have been able to guide them through their time of grief, but it goes back to one of the main themes of the series: Camaraderie, doing things together, trusting your friends, community as apposed to isolation. The Elric brothers lock themselves away to their father’s dark library and perform illegal experiments in their basement -- hidden from anyone who might try to stop them.

And they suffer for it.

(Keep in mind the word ignorant. We’ll be coming back to it later.)

This in and of itself is good, but this message is hammered home by the supporting cast, especially the characters from the military. Remember Roy Mustang, suave up-and-comer who wants to completely reform the government from the inside out for the betterment of the people?

Complicit in genocide

His number 2, all around team mom, and rescuer of cute puppies?

Complicit in genocide

Husband of the year and eternal winner of Best Dad Joke?

Complicit in genocide

Human teddy bear, series aesthete, and walking meme generator?

Complicit in genocide

The beloved small-town doctor?

Complicit in genocide and human experimentation

The grumpy curmudgeon with a hidden heart of gold?

Say it with me now, complicit in freaking genocide.

That’s just looking at Armestrian military during the civil war. When the series jumps to the present day we see Scar has become a serial killer, while midway through the series Ling willingly becomes the vessel for an inhuman monster, nearly loosing his identity in the process. Hohenheim abandoned his family and was (unwittingly) complicit in a genocide of his own. In her grief Izumi tried to bring back her dead child via human transmutation, violating one of the fundamental laws of alchemy. The list goes on.

It is impossible to fully implement a theme of overcoming past mistakes without having characters be fully responsible for said mistakes. I feel like it’s a common trap to sacrifice likability for pathos. How easy would it have been to say that Ed and Al couldn’t be held responsible for their actions because they weren’t aware of the consequences, or had never been told that human transformation was forbidden? How easy would it have been to say that the military made Roy and Riza and the rest participate in the Ishvalan massacre?

Luckily the writing never goes this route. While the various characters might not fully understand the ultimate outcome of their choices they never have their agency stripped away by something outside of their control. Each and every character in the series thinks they’re doing the right thing by acting the way they do, which not only makes them feel human as characters but brings me neatly into my second point.

Overcoming Ignorance and Finding Truth

During the Ishvalan flashback we see both Roy and Riza give their initial reason for joining the military, citing their desire to protect others as one of their main motivations.

Edward and Alphonse were young children when their mother died, and their desire to bring her back stems from a child’s love. Izumi and Sig had struggled for years for a child, and the grief of losing a baby after longing for a family for so long led her to try to resurrect her child.

None of these desires are in and of themselves bad, but they stem from a place of ignorance. Attempting human transmutation was forbidden for a reason. The military ended up not being as altruistic as the young soldiers were led to believe. The world, which our main characters looked at as a simple, understandable thing, turned out to be complex, and hard, and unforgiving.

With their worldviews essentially shattered it would have been easy to give up or give in to the darkness that they had seen, but instead each main character decides to take full ownership of their mistakes and takes steps to correct them.

There are very few irredeemable bad guys in Fullmetal Alchemist, and it’s a series that ultimately has a very hopeful view on humanity. Because of this underlying philosophy people are not ruined or broken by their pasts, but rather learn from them.

This is the Truth that is presented. It’s not facts or book knowledge, which any alchemist capable of performing human transmutation would have in spades, but growth through life experience. Ed and Al see firsthand the evils alchemy can commit and strive to correct them. Roy and Riza stare down the barrel of the military machine and seek to dismantle it, even if it results in their own undoing. Ling learns to recognize the futility of his country’s current clan system and seeks to protect even the weakest of his people. It takes awhile, but Scar realizes that vengeance can only breed violence and strives to rebuild his people instead of the destruction of those who killed them in the first place.

None of these goals can be accomplished alone, building on the theme of camaraderie, but there’s also the side effect of preventing others from going down their path.

That is Fullmetal Alchemist in a nutshell. It’s a series about flawed people making horrible mistakes, overcoming them with the help of their friends and in turn preventing others going down that dark path of destruction. It’s not a smooth transition, and the lessons learned are full of pain, but in the end you’ll find your own Truth and come out the other side a better person. The rest is just gravy.

Although I will concede that having a main character who can turn his arm into a knife probably helps.

How Fullmetal Alchemist Integrates Theme and Character

In a world where everything is subjective and polarizing opinions are the norm, where anti-fans and trolls take ‘love to hate’ a little too far, and where any story popular enough to become a pop-culture phenomenon is almost guaranteed to have a small-but-vocal minority that can’t see what all the fuss is about, I have never once seen, read, or heard of anyone say that Fullmetal Alchemist is a bad story.

None.

I’m sure they exist, but during the course of its run Fullmetal Alchemist reached the rarefied air of being almost universally beloved within the manga/anime community and being critically acclaimed as a damn good story. This success is wholly deserved. Arakawa was able to do something that a lot of shonen mangaka can’t, and as a result Fullmetal Alchemist is one of the best plotted, tightly written manga I have ever read.

Others have and will write about the philosophy Arakawa presents, point out the incredible amount of research she was able to cram into her series, extrapolate on the world building better than I could, but today I want to talk about something I’ve not seen anyone else touch on, and that’s how she integrates her themes into her characterization in order to really drive the point she’s trying to make home.

So what’s the main theme of Fullmetal Alchemist? Luckily Arakawa tells us directly on the next to last page of the series.

Keep reading

#fma #meta #fma meta

2K notes · View notes

celestialsun123 · 7 months ago

Text

I drew some TMNT sketches

These are all pictures that are taken at weird angles to avoid shadows getting on the drawings themselves.

Everything's under the read more cause it gets LONG 🥲

This was the first one. It was alright, although looking at it now, I wish I had not done the shadows 😅

I drew Mikey second and DANG this boy gave me trouble! He looks so PRECIOUS, so I forgive him.

This is when I realized that I could use a piece of scrap paper to test my colors. I think Raph turned out GREAT, and this is also when I figured out how to do the block shading (I added it to Donnie and Mikey after)

I did not do Leo next (mostly cause I couldn't find a good pic) so I did this sketch that I HATE because Donnie's face is bad. Like... it's just bad.

Then I finally found a good pic for Leo! His face is so pointy tho, and it REALLY bothers me cause I can't get it to look right for me. Other than that, the only problem was I have to use a highlighter for his mask and sash thingy and it gave me grief. He also looks too buff. Like I couldn't get the right proportions, so he just looks slightly strange. (I end up having this problem with Mikey and Donnie too 🥲)

Next I did 2012 Donnie. I'm not used to drawing 3D, so I did 2D. It was a nightmare and I wish I had used the crossover episode as a reference instead. Overall, Donnie turned out decent.

After Donnie, I did 2012 Raph. I did NOT learn from all my mistakes and I used another reference from a normal episode. I did know what to do differently drawing wise, and Raph looks way better than Donnie. (He does look like he's holding the camera. He isn't)

I was out of the house when I drew 2012 Leo (plus a Rise Leo), so I didn't have access to my colored pencils or normal paper. I really like 2012 Leo, but AGAIN Rise Leo has SUCH a pointy head!

(the text on Rise!Leo's drawing says "Rise Leo being responsible," and then the whole "Donnie, DAD'S on that thing." Quote.)

And then, finally, I made a collage/series thing. I am SO proud of this, although there are parts I despise. Leo's face? Hate it. Kinda made me want to cry drawing that. Mikey's whole self? (Not to mention the fact that I used the wrong color for one of his mask tails?) Hate it. Donnie's whole positioning with Raph? Also hate it. I got real lazy at the end (cause I'd been working on this for 2 days and couldn't find good poses for the other three)

In case my writing is both too small and too messy to read, here's the translations from left to right:

1st pic: on Donnie's right "I love my brother" is repeated all the way down, getting aggressive at the end. This is what Donnie is thinking. Above him the text says "has listened patiently for 1.5 hours and is having a mental breakdown."

Above Leo the text says "has been rambling for 2 hours." On Leo's left he is saying "And that's why when Usagi said to run, I decided to go and SAVE him instead- hey, and- [missing text going behind Leo] ever get- [missing text] cause I'd- [missing text] it and- [missing text] you live- [missing text] -igh? Oh! - [missing text] -ormally- [missing text] -nd you- [missing text] not that- [missing text] so- [missing text] but- [missing text] and I did- [missing text] even TRY! Are you listening to me?"

Additionally, there is text outside the box, above Leo, that says "combined type ADHD (possibly Autism)"

2nd pic: above Mikey the text says "rambled for 3 min, then got insecure and had the AUDACITY to ask if he was being ANNOYING."

The text above Donnie says "wants to kill whoever suggested that, cause there isn't anything in the UNIVERSE that could make Mikey annoying." The text in the thought bubble says "Is murder legal?"

Outside the box, above Mikey, there is text saying "combined type ADHD (possible autism)"

3rd pic: the text above Raph says "rambling 'bout wrestling (it's been 1 hr)"

The text above Donnie says "lovingly listening for the next half hour after this." The text beside him says "multitasking"

Under the text about Raph there is also text saying "inattentive ADHD"

4th pic: The text next to Donnie says "has been talking about tech for and/or science for *5* hours"

The text above the three spikey blobs says "they have zero clue what he's talking about, but they listen anyway"

Outside the box, above Donnie, the text says "Autism"

That's all for now. I haven't made 2012 Mikey yet, just cause 2012 intimidates me because of its 3D nature. I'll get to him eventually! (He and Leo are my favs in 2012)

20 notes · View notes

wedreamedlove · 3 years ago

Photo

Loving a Monster - Evan Character Study

E: After waiting for so many years, it is finally going to be over.

Fortunately, he already saw the end of the night.

As a character, if Mo Yi asks the question of "What is it to love as a human?" and Xu Mo asks the question "What is it to be human?" then Evan asks the question of "What is it to live?".

Hello, I'm jumping around fandoms and dropping character essays all over the place LOL. First, I want to disclaim that everyone is free to focus on aspects of a character that speaks to them and, as long as these are based in canon material, I don't think anyone's interpretation is wrong, we just relate to different themes.

In my case, I was blown away by the latest chapters in Light and Night because it confirmed my suspicions... which is that Evan is a nihilistic monster and I love him. Spoilers up to Chapter 9 of Light and Night, including all the released cards. All translations are mine. Also, just as a note, his Chinese name is Lu Chen so his surname is Lu.

UNSETTLING SIGNS

First, I want to share the initial impressions he gave off before Chapters 9 and 10 were released because it was after reading these that I went "Oh, hm... that's a bit disturbing in terms of implications".

[SR String Notes Resembling You DATE] Context here is that Evan went to London to attend the funeral of a professor whom he was close to and, as the heroine consoles him, he ends up saying this.

E: Actually, I am not very sad.

E: I forgot from which book I read this passage.

E: “Your encounter with the world will be a desperate wail; all you’ll be able to do at first will be to cry.”

E: “Everything will make you cry: light, hunger, anger.”

E: The suffering in life will forever be more than the pleasure, so is death not a type of release?

E: People in this world suffer from the loss of their close friends or relatives; the essence of which is for their own suffering, it is the suffering of life.

E: However, Professor Moran has passed away and will never again be disturbed by this kind of suffering, and this is also a good thing.

Quite a nihilistic view of the world, no? For brevity, I didn't include a lot of scenes but there were descriptions about how Evan seemed like he was separated by an invisible wall from the grief of others, such as Professor Moran's wife.

However, that being said, I love our heroine's words to him because she knows the book that he quoted from and there is more to it. She also points out that his act of rushing over to London to attend the funeral shows his feelings for Professor Moran, even if he does not feel the same grief as others.

MC: It came from a famous journalist, Oriana Fallaci, and her novel “Letter to a Child Never Born”.

MC: “Your encounter with the world will be a desperate wail; all you’ll be able to do at first will be to cry.”

MC: “Everything will make you cry: light, hunger, anger.”

MC: “Weeks will go by, months, before your mouth opens in a smile.”

MC: “Before your throat gurgles out a laugh.”

MC: “But you mustn’t get discouraged.”

MC: “And when the smile comes, when the laugh comes, you must give it to me.”

It's a very rousing speech and she ends this by saying that she will present another side of life to him. She will find these smiles and laughs and bring it to him. I also have a crack theory that because Blood Tribe members are rumored to descend from gods and the heroine seems to have the soul of one in her, she is basically Evan's great-great-great-great-ancestor telling him to live, much like the mother in that story writing to her unborn baby.

Moving on, during a camping trip, the heroine was just having a chat with Evan but the conversation takes this turn.

[SSR Secrets in the Shade DATE]

MC: When you're feeling down or that things are difficult, just fantasize about a wonderful life after achieving your goals.

[...]

E: After I achieve my goals?

E: At that time, perhaps everything won't be important anymore.

Do you see a trend here? Mr. Nihilism is just ever-present, but there is also a disturbing implication that he doesn't intend to have a life after he does what he's set out to do. So, I had these thoughts drifting around in my brain and when they released the new chapters all of these little incidences rushed to the forefront of my brain again.

[SSR Illusionary Light - Robot Humans PHONE CALL]

E: That people would not notice robot humans may not be because they truly cannot see anything unusual.

E: But that they see it and choose not to speak or ask questions, only using various excuses to avoid, distance, or conceal their own indifference.

[...]

MC: If there is a day where I notice something unusual about you, I also wouldn't "turn a blind eye"!

E: ... Even if that was the better choice?

Look, despite LYT being a terrible person, I have to admit he was skilled because the line delivery here was godly because it made me shoot up in my chair. This was the phone call associated with the chapter card for Chapter 9 and I can only say this is pure foreshadowing.

The last nail that settled all my suspicions of Evan's character were his lines in the PV itself.

[PV - FLAME AND ASHES] "Regardless of when you look outside, life is like a cage. Everything here makes you lose hope, including ourselves.

Do you still not understand? It is not because of disease and natural disasters, but our self-importance and dispassion, as well as our hate for each other, that makes this world fall into disaster again and again.

Expectations always makes people disillusioned, and so I choose to give up on expectations."

PAST

Now, hopefully your appetite has been whetted with those unsettling crumbs, and now we come to the main meal. To understand a character, we always have to look at their past and so much was revealed in Evan's case.

[CHAPTER 9]

He suddenly realized he was fighting an unwinnable battle against the world.

In his parents' eyes, he was a continuation of the bloodline.

In his grandfather's eyes, he happened to have some talent, withstood the tests, and could be used.

In outsiders' eyes, he was the blessed young master of the Lu Family who wanted for nothing.

Then what about in his own eyes? Who was he? Was he Evan? But who was Evan?

Letting the people who chased behind him bring him away, the young man discovered to his horror that this time he wouldn't resist anymore.

He is also the son of a traitor and so he was bullied excessively in the family. At 12 years of age, they are exiled into the wilderness and only those who survive get looked upon highly by the family head. They also undergo even more training, involving killing innocent people, and, yes, Evan did that too.

Terribly enough, Evan nonchalantly talks about an experience he had in the woods in a date before this chapter came out and, after hearing about this rite of passage, we now know this was what he went through.

[SSR Secrets in the Shade DATE]

E: Mm, it was when I was a child and driven into the woods for the first time.

E: I witnessed wild beasts hunting and escaped from a snake's mouth. I felt that the forest was full of dangers and only wanted to get out of there quickly.

E: And just when I was hungry and exhausted, I saw a bamboo mushroom.

E: At the time, I didn't know what it was and whether or not it was poisonous. I abandoned myself to hopelessness and thought that I might as well pluck it and eat it, resigning myself to fate.

Can you imagine a 12 year old having to make that decision? The matter-of-fact tone he had here and the words "abandoned myself to hopelessness" and "resigned myself to fate". I can easily imagine all these small moments chipping away at his sanity and will to live.

Two other major events happened. One was that he had a rabbit once, she ran up to his window while he was practicing the cello after escaping from a predator and he started raising her. It's implied that the head of the family found out and well...

[SSR Illusionary Light - 14 Years Ago Summer TRAJECTORY]

The third thing I lost was a rabbit.

She always looked at me with those compassionate red eyes, as if she knew everything about me. Her ears were like a pair of wings. After having her, I learned how to look in the mirror. I didn't understand why some red eyes could be so pure and have such strong, extravagant emotions. Even her absent look was fascinating, like two pieces of glass that reflected how barren and dirty I was.

She pitied me and I fed her. This delicate balance stopped me from bowing my head down in front of her.

Whenever I stroked her soft fur, there was always a deep melancholy in my heart. I was afraid that one day she would get tired of me because she saw through me. So, I started to work hard to smile in the mirror and practiced being a person who could give her a future. Occasionally, I would see my eyes become pure in the mirror, although only for a moment.

But then one day she died.

In the fall, he found her grave and dug her up because he didn't want her to lie directly in the cold dirt. But all he could find was the smell of rot and two bones. The story is a little scarily dark because he self-harms here and hallucinates the rabbit's voice, but this last exchange is significant.

[SSR Illusionary Light - 14 Years Ago Fall TRAJECTORY]

—Tell me, where have you been these days?

—Or, take me with you.

This time, no one could stop my footsteps and, when the blood ran out, I would be free.

The second major event is that Evan's mother died in an "accident" and when he visit her grave for the first time he has these lines.

[SSR Illusionary Light - 11 Years Ago Mid-Autumn TRAJECTORY]

E: Why does fate love to play with people? People who don't wish to live can always escape death, but those who want to live well are killed in an accident.

E: If I was the one who drowned, that would probably be best for everyone. I'm really not afraid.

PRESENT

So, what has he become now after undergoing all those experiences and training? He's become someone so controlled that there were rumors in the company that he's a robot. He's considerate and gentle towards everyone, but it's to such a precise degree, no more and no less, that it doesn't mean anything anymore.

Naturally, because this is an otome game, he does treat the heroine with more warmth and specialness than he does others. However, there was a part in Chapter 9 that sent chills down my spine.

[CHAPTER 9]

MC: I'll bring you out of here and we'll go outside.

[...]

E: Is there any difference between outside and inside?

MC: They're different!

MC: Outside there's the warm sun, a gentle breeze, lively crowds of people, and lots of delicious food...

MC: And if you're willing, I'll listen to you tell your story, and then—

I turned my head back, came into contact with eyes that were smiling, and suddenly all my words were stuck in my throat.

I clearly felt that he didn't care about those things at all. He disdained those things.

This time, the rousing heroine's speech did not work on a love interest and, in fact, at the end of Chapter 9 you realize that Evan was testing the heroine in this moment and made her legitimately feel like she was going to die in order to confirm his suspicions about a plot item.

In his second visit to his mother, which seems to happen at the start of the game.

[SSR Illusionary Light - Half a Year Ago Early Spring TRAJECTORY]

E: Actually... I didn't plan on returning to this country.

E: It's my wish to die in a foreign land.

[...]

E: Then can you tell me, whether the accident of that year was not just an accident?

E: This is probably the one matter I cannot set down.

E: In these past 20 years, I have been the blade in the hands of others and I don't want to go on like this anymore.

E: I am the only survivor left of that year. Those servants and doctors, those who could leave left and those who should disappear disappeared.

E: I want a truth.

E: If I was warped by hatred, would you dislike me?

Bringing back what he says at the very top:

E: After waiting for so many years, it is finally going to be over.

Fortunately, he already saw the end of the night.

Evan is a vengeful monster born from a family of monsters and, after all these years of waiting, he has come back to swallow them whole. It's pretty explicit at this point that he is on a path of revenge, which he does not expect to step out from alive, and will even use the heroine as a weapon. Even though he doesn't feel the expected happiness at discovering her, the best weapon, first before anyone else, he is still set on his course.

FUTURE

Honestly, I'm a little in awe of Light and Night's writing team for setting up his character like this because Evan has this terribly frightening side and yet his gentleness, consideration, and warmth to the heroine are not entirely fake either? It's genuine but it also runs parallel to his quest of revenge. I'm definitely looking forward to the moment where these two things actually come into conflict and he has to choose one over the other.

I am also looking for more philosophical clashes between him and his heroine, because as we can see from the heroine's failed speech, he doesn't actually believe in her words or care for those things. All I can say is that we have only taken the first step up the mountain that is overcoming Evan's nihilism LOL. He’s a monster made out of circumstances, but a gentle one.

Lastly, I'll leave everyone with this description of one of his card evolution items because, oof, it hurts.

[DEVIL'S TRUMPETS]

"Someone like him should not have light."

Devil's trumpets (or datura) is a poisonous plant belonging to the nightshade family. Such a fitting flower for Evan and ironic that it's frequently mistaken for another flower called angel's trumpets (just as poisonous).

#光与夜之恋 #Light and Night #LN Evan #LN Lu Chen #meta of light and night

105 notes · View notes

createandconstruct · 3 years ago

Note

ffix? 👀👉👈

Bless you, my friend. Bless you.

the character i least understand

Gotta be Quan, Vivi's Grandpa. He is the most puzzling character to me. There's evidence that he cared for Vivi but that he also, for a good amount of time, was planning on eating the kid. There's also the entire special scene between him, Vivi, and Quale, and like, I have gotten dizzy interpreting the dialogue. How did he die? Did he die starving? From imagining food and not actually eating? He's a chef that believes the only way to experience food is by not eating it but byimagining it?? Is this some kind of Socrates message on how deeper thinking and metacognition leads to truly being alive?? I don't know???????!!!!

interactions i enjoyed the most

There are seriously so many but if I had to choose just one it has to be Steiner and Zidane. I love them So. Much. Their development into trusted comrades is one of my favorite relationships in the entire game and one of my favorite's in fiction in general. It's my favorite thing period. I'll say it. And there is not enough content of them. People won't give me Steiner and Zidane friendship and shenanigans? Fine. I'll do it myself. I'll write for them until I'm dead. Steiner really started the game promising Garnet he'd give his life for her and that he would see to it that Zidane was HUNG for his "crimes," and then ends the game telling Zidane he'd march into HELL with him (Japanese translation). He never even said that to GARNET. Their friendship is so slept on. SO slept on and its one of the most compelling. HELL, people. He'd go to HELL for Zidane. He'd DIE for him. A THEIF HE SCORNED. STEINER would gladly go to the GALLOWS with and for Zidane. I can't... I... I gotta go. Gotta lie down.

the character who scares me the most

Does the Iifa Tree count? If I say Soul Cage maybe that will. The living tree that takes the living and replaces them with souls of the long dead is really horrifying to me. There's also the theory that Necron is the other side of the Soul Cage, the embodiment of death that is part of the Iifa Tree, a parasite that has rooted itself in every inch of Gaia. It's creepy and perfect. I just love how FFIX flips the "tree of life" troupe on its head with the Iifa Tree which is very much a purgatory or hell for souls, sentencing them to wander the earth as Mist. Terrifying! I love it!

the character who is mostly like me

I very much relate to Zidane's easy breezy attitude with high, suppressed levels of anxiety and doubt. I also very much relate to his mom friend woes.

hottest looks character

Hottest is so weird for me but if we're talking objectively I gotta say Hilda. Dead stop she's gorgeous and her design is impeccable. Cid was a fool and I am thankful he was forced to suffer as an Oglop and Frog for the entire game. Perish Cid.

one thing i dislike about my fave character

Only thing I dislike about Zidane is that he called Vivi a brat and told him to shut up, in Pandemonium. I gasped during my first playthrough. I'll never forgive him.

one thing i like about my hated character

I don't really hate anyone in FFIX. I honestly enjoy all their contributions to the story and game. But I'll pick Brahne? Just because she's a murderer and terrible mother. I really like the bit of mystery left with her character and her feelings for Dagger. Some of her finally words are "I hear my daughter's voice," but it always struck me that this is said just after the fact that we've learned that Dagger is not her true daughter. There was a Princess Garnet (the 1st let's call her) before Dagger. Yet when on death's doors - in the same way that Dagger says that Brahne is her only mother - based on her words, to Brahne, Dagger is her only daughter. Which is so extremely tragic because Garnet the 1st was completely erased and forgotten. For a parent, losing a child is often said to be one of the worst pains imaginable. Some will go on to have another child but it will never erase the one they lost. And yet here's Brahne, ridding all memory of her original Garnet. It is haunting. It really gives an insight on how this woman handled grief - which was not at all. Perhaps that is why she turned to war and power after her husband's death. The implications of Garnet the 1st is a detail I cannot stop thinking about and it makes Brahne all the more compelling to me. A bitterweet part of me likes to think that after the game ends Dagger decides to create a grave for the true princess, the little six-year-old child who died twice: once in death and twice in memory.

a quote or scene that haunts me

"The sunset makes the Eidolon Wall look like it's on fire!" There's something about this scene and the fact that a beautiful memory of the Eidolon Wall from her past is what triggers Dagger's memory of her home, burning with the Invincible's flames. Every time I play this part of the game, Dagger's flashback on the boat and the subsequent sequence between her and Eiko move me to tears .

a death that left me indifferent

Probably Mog. Only because, no matter how much I love FFIX, the Mount Gulug section overall feels a little lacking which is because of the execution of Mog's transform/sacrifice/and the events that follow. I do think it's a symptom of an overall problem in Disc 3 which may simply be the result of the opening of the game map and player freedom. The is though, that you have Eiko losing Mog, her sister, a huge emotional moment, when its extremely easy for you, the player, to forget about Mog entirely!! Of course you may likely play as Eiko in the Desert Palace but that's optional and Mog never makes an appearance!! There's no real lead up for the scene on Disc 3 that emotional prepares us. Mog's sacrifice would have been more impactful had she made an appearance in the Desert Palace or during the start of Disc 3 in Alexandria. Eiko has all this time alone for character self-reflection and Mog is technically there, hidden in her shirt, but she never appears for greater impact. There's just too much allotted game time between the events in Madain Sari and the events at Gulug Mountain.

a character i wish died but didn’t

Vivi. Must I say more?

my ship that never sailed

Blank and Ruby are forever in that "too hard headed to make anything meaningful come from their constant bickering." I both love and mourn their stagnant friends to lovers state. They'll never be canon but the post-game potential for them is excellent.

#asks #anubis-005 #ffix #final fantasy ix #final fantasy 9 #steiner #zidane tribal #garnet til alexandros #ruby #blank #eiko carol #queen brahne

10 notes · View notes

cheri-translates · 4 years ago

Text

[CN] Lucien’s A Love Not in Vain Date (Eng Translation)

🍒 Contains detailed spoilers for a date yet to be released in EN! 🍒

Conversation between Lucien and Dr Sun before the date: here

NOTE: @redqueenschoice did the translation for this. All I did was proofread and format :> It’s on my blog because:

Candlelit Night Collection: Gavin // Kiro // Victor

Trivia regarding the name of the date:

This date is called 不负相思意, which is the final line of a poem called “Bu Suan Zi” by Li Zhiyi, a Song Dynasty poet

A loose translation of the stanza: When will the river run dry? / When will my sorrow come to an end? / I wish your heart may be like mine / My love for you will not be in vain.

Note: The italicised portions are a mix of both translations and summaries!

[ CHAPTER ONE ]

Within the university building, the clear sound of the dismissal bell rings.

Lucien: ...then, we shall end today’s lesson here.

I stand at the door of the classroom, watching as Lucien packs his teaching materials in an orderly manner at the lectern. I subconsciously smile at this sight, since it’s been a long time since I’ve seen this side of him.

MC: Lu-

Female student: Mr Lucien, please wait for a moment!

Just as I’m about to call his name, a female student suddenly runs up to the speaker’s podium. The female student looks like she’s gathering up her courage, then says something to Lucien. Her face is slightly red, and there is a hopeful expression on her face.

Lucien’s expression is as gentle and mild as ever. Without speaking, he simply listens quietly, occasionally nodding politely, the look in his eyes a little distant.

Without realising it, I stand on my tiptoes, trying to hear what they have to say. I catch sight of a pale pink perfume sachet clutched tightly in the student’s hand.

MC: I feel like I’ve seen that somewhere before...

I suddenly remember where I’ve seen it: while researching and preparing materials for the episode on the Matchmaker’s Temple.

MC: Could it be...

I look at Lucien and the female student, before slowly retracting the hand on the door handle. A subtle emotion blooms in my heart. Before it has time to grow, it dissipates the second Lucien turns his head to look at me.

He walks towards me, eyes brimming with affection.

Lucien: Why didn’t you come in? Have you been waiting long?

MC: ...no, no I haven’t. I just got here. Besides, you seem busy.

Lucien gives me a blank stare for a moment before smiling, reaching out to run his fingers through some strands of my hair. When I lower my head, I catch sight of the female student, who is no longer smiling while she stands on the speaker’s podium. The student leaves the room in a hurry.

Lucien follows my line of sight and appears to guess what's in my mind. A smile tugs at his lips before he reaches out to tap my forehead lightly.

Lucien: What wild thoughts are you having now?

MC: I wasn’t having any wild thoughts! I came here to ask for your help with something...

I frantically shake my head, grabbing Lucien’s arm and pulling him along without a second thought, as if that would help steer the conversation away. Lucien laughs lightly, smoothly steering me towards the exit.

[ On the university grounds ]

Lucien: Hmm, I think I’ve guessed it. You specially came all the way to the university... just for a work matter, am I right?

Lucien lets out a soft sigh as he speaks, but the gaze he gives me is filled with a familiar tenderness and doting.

MC: That’s not entirely true...

Lucien: Hmm? Then, what else is there?

MC: There’s somewhere I want to go with you. Although part of the reason is because of the episode we’re doing next week, but...

As I speak, my footsteps stop. I pinch my ears awkwardly before raising my head to meet his eyes.

MC: That place is very special. I only want to go there with you.

[ CHAPTER TWO ]

Lucien and I head to the old matchmaker’s temple in the countryside, which holds a lot of history.

In recent years, a legend regarding a mysterious love story that happened decades ago has been getting attention in the media.

Along the way to the temple, I see many young men and women dressed in traditional clothes. There is a festive atmosphere in the air.

MC: Lucien, look at them. They should be participating in the matchmaker’s temple activities.

Lucien: Mm. Seems like this place is very special indeed. Is that why you only wanted to come here with me?

MC: [blushing] I only said that they're dressed in a very formal manner!

Lucien laughs a little.

Lucien: From what I see, it seems we are a little whimsical. Why don’t we dress up as well?

MC: You... you’re teasing me again!

Lucien: What if I am being serious about it?

I feel embarrassed.

Lucien: What are you thinking about?

MC: Nothing! Let’s hurry up and go!

As we walk along a dirt path, I realise that this place looks familiar.

MC: Lucien, have we been here before?

I turn my head to look at Lucien, and see that his lips are pulled into a line, emotions swirling in his eyes.

Lucien: Mm.

??: Meow...

Lucien’s words are interrupted by a mewing sound. A fat cat slinks out of nowhere, rubbing its head against his leg. Its eyes are half-closed, its gaze drifting towards me.

Vaguely, I feel like I've seen this black and white cat before somewhere. When it looks at me, memories surface like a bolt of lightning, and I call out its name excitedly.

MC: Precious!?

After walking a little further along the mountain road, we finally reach Precious’ home. It’s a house of traditional make, with a courtyard just as refined and tranquil as in my memories. Dyed fabrics, threads of all colours, and interesting embroidery are placed in various corners, just as they were before.

It’s as if nothing has changed at all.

Old grandmother: It seems we really have fate with you! When Precious escaped from the house today, he brought the two of you back with him!

MC: It really is such a coincidence. This explains why the road earlier looked so familiar. The previous time I came, I didn’t realise you stayed at the foot of the mountain of the matchmaking temple.

Old grandmother: This temple suddenly became so lively, and the festival is also drawing near. Ah, are the two of you perhaps here to visit the matchmaking temple?

I nod at first, but when I think of the implications, I become flustered and start to shake my head.

MC: Actually, we...

Lucien: Yes. We are here to visit the matchmaking temple.

Lucien holds my hand tightly in his, before smiling politely at the old grandmother. The old grandmother smiles brightly, and I can feel my cheeks heat up. Feeling two pairs of eyes on me, I quickly change the topic.

MC: That’s right! Granny, did you know about the ‘legend’ of the matchmaking temple? It’s said that a few decades ago, a pair of lovers whose relationship was rejected by their families ran to the matchmaking temple. But after the man contracted leukaemia and died, the woman also vanished mysteriously... After that, the peach tree planted in the backyard blossomed and attracted many butterflies which surrounded it. That’s why the media has dubbed it the “Legend of the Butterfly Lovers”.

[Trivia from Red: “Legend of the Butterfly Lovers” - a pair of devoted lovers cannot be together when the woman, Zhu, has already been promised to another man by her family. The man, Liang, dies from grief and illness. On the day of Zhu’s marriage, she leaves the procession to pay her respects at Liang’s grave, and begs for the grave to open up. With a crack of thunder, it does, and Zhu throws herself into the grave to join Liang. Their spirits emerge as a pair of butterflies, flying away together, never to be separated ever again.]

Old grandmother: [laughs] Where did such a mystifying story come from! Most of it would have been made up by others. Those legends are all fake! Normal people have to part ways in the end, whether they choose to leave each other life, or are separated by death.

Hearing such grim words, I feel slightly depressed. Lucien opens his mouth to speak.

Lucien: I think this legend came about because people believe in something beautiful. “Out of a million people, only a pair of Butterfly Lovers will become butterflies.”

[Trivia from Red: Lucien is quoting a book called “被结婚” (”Getting Married”) by Yibei. The full paragraph is 大概一千万人之中，才有一双梁祝，可以化蝶。其他化为蛾、蟑螂、蚊蚋、苍蝇、金龟子... 就是化不成蝶, which translate to: “Out of a million people, only one pair of Butterfly Lovers will become butterflies. Others become moths, cockroaches, insects, flies and scarabs... just not butterflies.”]

Lucien: Love that transcends death is, of course, precious. But it is already difficult for people to be deeply in love up to the moment of death. Besides, these two feelings cannot be separated or differentiated.

Lucien pats my hand gently.

Lucien: So, there’s no need to be upset about it.

Lucien’s voice is soft and gentle, but it settles my heart and puts it at ease.

Old grandmother: Ah, it’s this old woman’s fault for speaking too much! The two of you are still young, and have a long time ahead. As for what we were talking about earlier, the matchmaker you’re about to visit is very efficient! If the two of you are genuine, you will definitely receive blessings!

Old grandmother: But... dressing like this won’t do. I have a change of clothes with me. If the both of you don’t mind, perhaps you could make use of them.

Old grandmother: Do the clothes fit?

Lucien: Mm, they fit very well. Thank you for the hard work you put into these.

Old grandmother: Just now, MC asked if she could learn how to do embroidery from me, but I told her there would be some difficulties. Instead, she asked if I could teach her how to tie a “True Lover’s Knot”. When I asked if she wanted to tie one for you, she turned red and refused to let me tell you!

[Trivia from Red: True Lover’s Knot (同心结 - “same heart knot”) symbolises love, friendship and affection]

The old grandmother gets flustered and covers her mouth with her hands.

Old grandmother: Oh no! I just told you all of it!

Lucien: Don’t worry, I won’t mention it to her.

At this moment, I step out of the house dressed in a bridal costume. Lucien’s eyes are fixated on me, unable to look away. The old grandmother comments on how beautiful I look, and I fidget nervously with the costume, blushing shyly.

Lucien: Mm. Very pretty.

I suck in a deep breath and begin walking towards the two of them. Even though I still feel shy, I continue walking to Lucien determinedly. He holds out his hand and thinks -

What’s before him right now is what his heart desires.

[ CHAPTER THREE ]

After bidding the old grandmother goodbye, the two of us continue our way up the mountain path towards the matchmaking temple. Along the way, there are many ormosia hosiei trees.

I admire the scenery, but can’t help getting distracted by the thought of wearing matching outfits with Lucien.

MC: Why did the old grandmother lend us a wedding set...

Lucien: Do you mind it?

MC: Not really. It’s just think everyone has misunderstood the reason why we’re here.

This is because people who walk past us on the path keep smiling warmly. Some even come up to us, offering their blessings and congratulations. The thought of being a newlywed couple with Lucien in the eyes of others makes me shy.

Lucien: I don’t find it a bother to be misunderstood like this. If you mind, however...

MC: I... I don’t mind! Let’s hurry. If we aren’t fast enough, there will be many people queuing up as well!

When we reach the temple, I start gathering all the things we need, such as incense and joss paper. Lucien asks me to wait for a moment, and walks over to the lady boss to speak with her quietly.

While waiting for him, I notice a palmistry booth set up not too far away ,and ask for a reading for my affinity and marriage. The practitioner studies my hand carefully. But the more he looks, the more his smile seems to face. I start to grow nervous.

MC: Is there a problem?

Practitioner: Little Miss, your ‘marriage affinity’ line is too faint and I can’t see it clearly.

[Note from Red: time to boost your affinity stats MC UPGRADE THE COMPANY]

MC: [panicking] How can that be? Look again a little more carefully, please...

Practitioner: This matchmaking temple ties the red thread on your ankle. Anyway, your marriage affinity is invisible and cannot be seen or felt. So, Little Miss, there’s no need to be worried.

He pours me a cup of tea to calm me down, and I ask what the tea is. He tells me that it’s a ‘linking affinity’ tea, and that I should give a cup to my newlywed husband when he comes over.

MC: He still isn’t... the tea is quite bitter...

[Note from Red: I SEE WHAT YOU’RE DOING THERE MC]

Lucien reappears with a pair of flat soled women’s shoes, bends down in front of me and begins to take off my current shoes. The shoes are traditional in appearance to match the outfit, but they don’t fit me well, and it would become a struggle to climb the mountain path. The back of my feet hurt.

Lucien: Even though this silly girl tried so hard to hide it from me, I still found out in the end.

Embarrassed, I try to pull my feet away to do it on my own, but Lucien insists and helps me put on the shoes with tender carefulness. When he finishes, I reach for the cup of tea on the table and hold it out to him.

MC: Lucien, are you thirsty?

Lucien: No, why do you ask?

MC: But the tea here is really delicious! Do you want to try some?

Lucien: Is that so? Then I wonder why a certain someone had a frown on her face and commented that the tea was bitter earlier.

I flush, holding out the tea cup awkwardly with a hand as I try to think of what to say. Lucien seems to enjoy looking at my face and watching my expressions.

Practitioner: The tea tastes bitter, but it has a sweet aftertaste!

I latch on to the excuse like, word for word, ‘a drowning man clinging to a tree branch’.

MC: That’s right, that’s right, that’s right! Now my mouth feels like I’ve just eaten a piece of candy!

Lucien laughs a little.

Lucien: When you put it like that, it’s hard not to be moved. Since that’s the case, I will definitely have to drink it well.

At first, Lucien reaches out for the tea cup on the table. But his hand suddenly pauses in mid-air, changes direction, and grasps my hand instead. While I panic, Lucien brings the teacup in my hand to his lips and takes a sip.

Lucien: Yes, very sweet.

[ CHAPTER FOUR ]

It takes an hour for us to leave the matchmaking temple. Holding a red perfumed sachet in my hand and two red strings, I pull Lucien along with me under the peach tree in the backyard.

I recall my experience in the matchmaking temple earlier, where we got a red perfumed sachet instead of a light pink one like how previous people did. The staff explained that single people get a pink sachet while lovers get a red one. They also wished us a happy relationship that will last a hundred years.

While I stare dazedly at the red sachet in my hand, Lucien thanks the staff.

Remembering the way he had smiled at the sight of the red sachet, I am a little embarrassed and my cheeks turn red. Following the other visitors, I tie the first red string we obtained from the temple onto one of the tree branches and am about to reach for the second one when Lucien stops me.

Lucien: Here I was, wondering why you were trying to take my red string away. So this is the reason...

MC: ...the staff told me that if I tie the strings together, the gods will see it more easily! Besides...

Before I can continue, I shut my mouth. When two people tie their strings together, it signifies 以树为媒，天地作证“ (i.e. take the trees as your matchmaker, heaven and earth will bear witness to your union).

Lucien: Besides...?

MC: It’s just a better guarantee that the gods will notice it!

Lucien: But you seem to be missing something.

Lucien places his red string into my palm.

Lucien: This red string of mine - would you be willing to help me keep it?

I panic at his words and Lucien laughs, pulling away.

Lucien: All right, I won’t tease you.

There’s a commotion from a group nearby, and I wonder if it’s the famous “affinity stone” they’re looking at.

The affinity stone is the other attraction of the mountain aside from the matchmaking temple, and it is said to bless people with good marriage affinity.

Lucien nudges me lightly towards the group.

Lucien: Let’s go over and see.

We queue up for a while and finally reach the affinity stone. After a moment, Lucien takes my hand.

Lucien: Aren’t you going forward to pray?

I think for a moment, then shake my head.

MC: Better not. Too many of my wishes have already come true today. The gods might think that I’m too greedy.

MC: Actually, before we came here, I visited the palm reader. He said my marriage affinity line is too faint to be seen, but he also said afterwards that the red string of fate tying people together is invisible too.

MC: But now, I feel like I understand. Fate has always been something mystical and cannot be changed - only treasured. Am I right?

After saying these words, I try to dispel my negative thoughts. But Lucien makes a thoughtful expression.

MC: Lucien, do you want to offer a prayer? Ah, what nonsense am I saying? You’re a scientist, so you probably don’t believe in any of this....

Lucien: It’s not because of the reason you’ve mentioned. It’s just that in my opinion, there’s no need to do such a thing.

The wind blows. At this moment, many butterflies suddenly flutter over to the peach tree we are standing under. I reach out to touch a butterfly, and Lucien imitates me. A butterfly lands where our fingertips touch.

MC: Lucien, look! So pretty.

Lucien: Who says affinity is invisible? Before me right now, isn’t affinity made visible?

He looks at me with calm certainty and sincerity in his eyes.

After visiting the affinity stone, I begin to tie a decorative chinese knot.

Lucien: What are you tying?

MC: I’m making something that can be worn on the wrist, although I don’t know if it’d turn out well.

Lucien: I'm looking forward to it. However, do you not have enough strings? Why have you taken mine as well?

MC: ...I wanted to make one for you too!

Lucien: But as far as I’m aware, a red string with a knot to be worn around the wrist has a special meaning.

MC: I-is... is that so?

Lucien: If lovers wear them, it symbolises “lifelong love”. But if a single person wears it, it means “peace and safety”. This time, which should I believe?

MC: Err...

Upon seeing my stunned face, Lucien simply laughs and reaches out to poke me gently on the nose.

Lucien: It’s alright. I just couldn’t resist teasing you. You don’t need to...

Before he can complete his sentence, I stand on my tiptoes and kiss him on the cheek lightly.

Lucien’s eyes go wide, and his smile deepens. Heart racing, I say in a voice just loud enough for the both of us to hear:

MC: The first meaning!

[ CHAPTER FIVE ]

Since it’s getting late, Lucien and I head back down the mountain path. I take out the “Lover’s Knot” that I made earlier using the strings from the temple, and place it in Lucien’s hand.

MC: This one is done! Here, see if it fits.

The knot isn’t very fancy or elaborate, but it contains all my sincerity. The other half-completed knot is clutched tightly in my own hand.

Lucien: This knot...

Has he seen through me?

[Note from Red: no shit mc you’re as subtle as a wrecking ball in a china shop]

Smiling, Lucien slips the knot onto his left wrist very carefully.

Lucien: It fits very well. You did a good job. Compared to the peace knot you made the last time, you’ve improved a lot.

MC: That was my first time!

Lucien: Did you have a lot of practice?

MC: Instead of practicing, I discovered the secret to making a good knot! The secret is... when you make the knot, you have to think about the person who’s going to be wearing it! That way, your thoughts and feelings will be woven into the knot!

Lucien: Did someone tell you this secret?

MC: I really can’t hide anything from you! Actually, I asked the old grandmother to teach me a little earlier. She said that “two strings tied together are called a ‘knot’. The fate of two people tied together is also called a ‘knot’. The ‘Lover’s Knot’ is not just a decoration, but symbolises love and longing between two people.

Lucien: So, it holds much meaning. Thank you for telling me.

When our gazes meet, it’s as if the world has fallen silent, leaving nothing but the echo of our heartbeats. The scenery around me seems to lose all colour, except for Lucien and the red fruit of the ormosia hosiei trees.

[Trivia from Red: They are also called love seeds, symbolising love and fidelity. In countries such as China and Taiwan, men often give these red beans to their lovers as an expression of commitment. It’s also a cultural belief that if married couples put six red beans underneath each of their pillows, their love will remain throughout eternity.]

MC: “Love seeds embedded in ivory dice, my yearning for you engraved into my bones...”

Even though I say this softly, it reaches Lucien’s ears. His eyes are wavering, and he seems to have been caught off guard by my words. I realise what I just said aloud and hurry to clear up the misunderstanding.

MC: It’s just a quote I really liked when I was a student! I even wrote it down on a bookmark! I just said it aloud when I saw the scenery...

Lucien doesn’t say a word, and only smiles at me. After a few moments, he speaks.

Lucien: Do you have any inspiration for the next episode yet?

I nod at first, but shake my head afterwards.

MC: About the legend of the matchmaking temple, I’m not sure which is the best angle to approach it... There are people who love each other till they die, and there are also people who carry the love of another person as they walk alone. Doing either requires courage, but as you said, both cannot be differentiated...

Lucien: If you don’t know how to approach it, how about thinking about it from a different perspective, or finding new inspiration? Would you be willing to listen to my suggestion?

MC: Of course!

Lucien: As you were saying earlier, when two strings are tied together, they form a knot. When tied on the wrists, they hold two people together.

MC: What you’re saying is that love is what ties people together? That it’s something like the red string of fate?

Lucien: Even if two people aren’t together, their mutual longing for each other can be felt through the string of fate that connects them.

Lucien picks up one end of the knot tied around his wrist. With the other hand, he takes the end of the string in my hand.

Lucien: When tied together by fate, even if separated at the ends of the world, it will never break.

#mlqc #mlqc cn #mlqc spoilers #mlqc lucien #REDQUEENSCHOICE TRANSLATED THIS

170 notes · View notes

jeannereames · 4 years ago

Note

Did Alexander drag Batis behind his own chariot, or did he just order it done? How do you think everyone else felt about it? It seems brutal, even for the time?

How one answers this depends a bit on how one already sees Alexander (positive or negative). Those who, following Badian and Schachermeyer, have a negative view, take it as proof of Alexander’s cruelty. Those who see him more positively want to dismiss it, or at least justify it.

The fact this particular titbit comes only from Curtius Rufus (4.6.25-29) makes it easier to dismiss.

But we must approach it logically. First, if he did do it, what might have been his motivating factors? And if he didn’t do it, what motivating factors led Curtius to invent it?

Curtius notes that Alexander claims to imitate Achilles in the Iliad. Yet Achilles’s dragging of Hektor’s corpse was not portrayed in any way, shape, or form as an admirable action (Hom. Il. 22.395). The Iliad is about Achilles’s descent and redemption, and dragging the corpse was his absolute nadir. He desecrates the body of an honorable enemy. If his extreme grief and guilt are the cause, it’s not held up as a good thing. His admirable act, when he recalls his humanity, is in returning the body to Hektor’s father, adding gifts.

So it’s a rather strange thing for Alexander to emulate on purpose. Furthermore, Batis wasn’t guilty of killing Alexander’s best friend to justify that level of inhuman rage. What was Batis guilty of?

Obstinacy. I want to point out here that Romans hated obstinacy in the enemy. THEY could show pertinacia or obstinatio: constancy, perseverance, steadfastness, determination. But in the enemy, it was contumacia: disobediency, stubbornness—obstinacy. Unlike the other two, it doesn’t really have a positive translation. In fact, when Pliny the Younger explains his method of trying Christians, “obstinacy” (contumacia) is one of the things of which they’re found guilty (along with contempt of court and atheism).

That said, Curtius doesn’t portray Alexander as just in his reaction to Batis’s stubbornness. It’s more subtle, and more interesting.

Let’s underscore a couple things: Batis and the Persian garrison with Arabic mercenaries had refused to surrender, despite what Alexander had just done at Tyre. This enraged the king. These points, the sources agree on. He was just SO done, plus he’d suffered two somewhat serious wounds there. But curiously, Curtius gives Batis a little “aristeia” in the midst of his city’s final defeat. It’s a nice Homeric touch. What’s an aristeia? A description of individual heroic fighting. Batis’s is only a couple lines (4.6.25-26a), but note it’s given to the enemy.

Right after Batis’s aristeia, Curtius reminds the reader that Alexander usually respected bravery in the enemy (4.6.26). What appears to have sealed Batis’s fate here was his refusal to yield or speak when brought to Alexander, he “obstinately” stares at the king, straight-backed, and won’t yield, bow, or speak. And YES, “contumacia” is the word used: sed contumaci quoque vultu intuens regem nullam…

Yet, with that aristeia, the reader should sense a certain respect for Batis. What’s up with that?

Part of Curtius’s larger theme is Alexander’s corruption by Eastern orientalism, as well as the overall corruption brought by power. Curtius even says, after Batis’s contumacia…“Then his wrath changed to ‘madness’ (rabiem…from rabiēs, yes the root of the disease rabies), for even then his new fortune suggested foreign customs (perigrinos ritus).” (4.6.29)

In short, his “new fortune” will lead to his moral decline, and this is an early hint of his madness to come. Remember, just above, Curtius had noted that Alexander usually respected bravery but was now acting out of character, treating Batis with “insolent joy” (4.6.26). And here, just a few lines later, he slips in, as the reason, “foreign customs” as a result of great success.

I see what you did there, Curtius!

It gets even better. Back to the Homeric imitatio. Curtius says Alexander clamed imitation of Achilles, from whom his line came (via his mother, the Molossian royal house). But this implies Alexander has lost his moral compass (or is in the process of losing it) because he doesn’t see he’s emulating the wrong act. Yet Curtius’s readers would recognize as much.

So there’s some pretty complicated signaling going on. It’s elegant, really.

But could the bare bones of the event be true, even if Curtius dressed it up?

Sure. Consistently in the histories, Alexander has two chief faults: an excessive love of honor (philotimia) and desire for fame (kleos), as well as his terrible temper, made worse when in his cups or when he felt himself to be slighted (which circles back around to his philotimia). Batis insulted him by refusing to kow-tow…and Alexander blew his top, deciding to make an example of Batis, not unlike Thebes and Tyre, although aimed very specifically here.

So I think it’s quite possible he did do it, but not as an Homeric allusion. Alexander may have had a completely different reference in mind, assuming it wasn’t just “execution by dragging,” which was also a thing. (No, I’m not sharing as it’s the seed of a future article.) Btw, Curtius says only that Batis was tied by his ankles to the back of Alexander’s chariot, then the horses dragged him. Alexander wasn’t driving the chariot. (Another difference from Homer.)

There’s an unfortunate tendency to over-Homerize Alexander. He read widely. It wasn’t Kleitos quoting Homer that let Alexander to run him through; Kleitos quoted just a snippet of Euripides, who both Plutarch and Strabo tell us was his favorite playwright. Likewise, Alexander surely read Herodotos, Thucycides, Xenophon, Plato, Isokrates and probably a passel of other things we no longer know about.

So we shouldn’t just dismiss Curtius’s stories as automatically wrong because they’re hostile. As with the Branchidai incident (which is also horrible and which I also think happened, although it’s attested in more places than just Curtius), we must separate, insofar as we can, what Alexander thought he was doing from what Curtius says Alexander thought he was doing.

#Alexander the Great #Batis of Gaza #Battle of Gaza #curtius rufus #Curtius #Achilles #Hektor #Achilles dragging Hektor #hector #Latin #Classics #tagamemnon #contumacia #Batis

26 notes · View notes

ninakaina · 4 years ago

Note

why do you like maria kaina so much? ì'm just really curious.

this is the most exciting question i’ve ever gotten in my life

[image id: a screencap from the pathologic wiki, which says “personality: femme fatale.”]

EDIT: im gonna make this into a video essay sooooooo read it if you want or stay tuned for a video in like a week and a half

first of all, i’m a lesbian and she’s a goth girl. secondly, she combines many of the tropes that i adore in female characters, and i’ll try to get into some of it as concisely as i can. in short: femme fatale, magic woman, scary woman, cassandra, sublime. i’m going to draw some concepts from the essay “the woman in the red dress: sexuality, femmes fatales, the gaze and ada wong” by jenny platz in the beginning here.

in the scope of their function as femmes fatales and the ways they transcend the typical boundaries placed on femmes fatales, ada wong resident evil and maria have a lot of similarities beyond obvious similarities in design (you can see patterns forming in my interests but also if you don’t know anything about ada this should still all make sense). so we’re all on the same page, a femme fatale is a woman of dubious morals and unknown or false motives who uses her sexuality and wit to get what she wants from men. the femme fatale has a long, uncertain, and pervasive history, and a love-hate relationship with the misogynistic writers/audiences/societies that create her, but ada and maria break free of many of the tropes that allow the femme fatale to be part of a misogynist power fantasy. together they have functionally very similar relationships to their male protagonists, although i wouldn’t say maria cares about daniil half as much as ada cares about leon if at all, in which they’re more than willing to lie to the men and put them in harm’s way to achieve their own unclear ends, while serving an essential function in keeping them alive, often without their knowledge (in the changeling route, maria sends daily letters to clara to keep daniil from getting murdered by artemy). they add an element of unease verging on horror to their games through their sheer power - which stems from a weaponized womanhood, the player’s unfolding understanding of the vastness and nature of their power, and the fact that you have no idea what they’re going to do with it. the weaponized womanhood is relevant here because in theory, to a male audience, it adds its own level of horror, but to me it adds a level of love.

like ada too, and unlike the typical femme fatale of books and movies even in the modern era, maria is never purified or punished; in fact, she only becomes more powerful over the course of the game. her death can only come via the plague; there are no plotlines where she may die. even when she’s caught red-handed by artemy in patho 2, he has two options: to tell her father, who is unlikely to stop her and even less likely to punish her, or to note that this is maria’s world and we’re all just living in it and move on. in classic she can get married at the end, but not for love and it’s made explicitly clear that her husband’s role is to serve her, like victor served nina; instead of finally conforming to a patriarchal mold like the archetype would predict, she again uses a man to advance her agenda. (she still deserves better though. killallvlads2020)

another similarity between maria and ada that’s also the biggest way they diverge, is their expanded power of body over the typical femme fatale. where typically the femme fatale is just a wickedly smart, sexy woman (good for her), she has little power beyond the sexualization of her body, and little recourse when she’s in danger besides getting a man to help her out of it. the way this is subverted is the most obvious in ada, so it’s a good lead-in; her power of body also translates into fighting skills greater than that of most of her peers-- she uses acrobatics and melee attacks more often than other characters, making her distinctly equipped to survive without anyone’s help and destroy her opposition. maria, obviously, is not a fighter, and she’d die immediately if she was locked in a police station with zombies, so at first glance she seems to fall more into the wicked damsel aspect of the trope. but thematically and functionally, pathologic is not a game about physical fighting or even physical power. in a game world where guns and bullets are exceedingly rare while information (as well as picking truth out of lies) is the form of power that gets characters to the end alive, maria has, in herself, the access to more information than any male character. aside from mark’s (and grief’s) special role as the fool, clairvoyance and particularly mistresshood are specific to women, and come to maria from the steppe. she’s also “sensitive to lies and deceptions” and “can instantly see one’s true colors”. she is shown barefoot in pathologic 2, which symbolizes her personal and physical connection to the wild earth, a power of body in itself. maria and ada are both apex predators, perfectly suited to their particular environments and narratives- on that note, maria is never endangered at all, aside from typical plague mechanics and distress in her issues with aglaya.

okay, enough about ada wong. beyond her connection to the femme fatale trope, maria’s narrative in itself also draws on a really compelling archetype. i mentioned that maria is never purified or punished, nor really endangered, but that doesn’t mean her story is without tragedy. instead, her tragedy is more personal and psychological, as she’s one of several characters who deal in the theme of lost childhood, and maria’s particular refrain has a hint of lost humanity. these are characters who are forced to grow up, often too fast, and for whom growing up carries an inherent trauma where some aspect of who they were or who they could have been is ripped away from them. i would also call maria and capella’s stories lost girlhood, since there’s a lot of... you know, it feels like stuff that mitski would sing about. i could talk for ages about “i can hear [your mother’s] voice [in you]” and how effectively it’s played for a bittersweet horror. in classic we are very clearly shown maria changing from who she is at the beginning, acting completely differently, and it’s left unclear as to whether this is simply the new maria or her mother’s spirit is literally possessing her (again, some obvious metaphor here). in pathologic 2, they make a change that i really love. maria has already taken up the mantle of mistress or at least claims she has and is in the process of change-- “a mistress in the making”, but it’s mentioned that artemy remembers her from before he left the town.

he says “i remember when you were just a kid. who would have thought you’d grow into-- this?” if you read my writing, you may have picked up that i seriously fixate on this piece of her narrative. from when she was a girl (16 at the oldest) to when she’s 21, she’s changed so much as to be almost unrecognizable, and more than unrecognizable, she’s become a complete mystery, a nightmare. this is a tragic horror, in the sense that tragedy is horror that’s already happened. from the uncanny valley of the familiar turned unfamiliar, the creature-that-was-once-maria, the not-quite-nina, to that same sense of loss as someone who was once just a girl is forced to be more grown than she is and more grown than any person should be expected to be. as anna angel wears willow’s hair, maria wears her own. that one haruspex line asks a thousand, unsettling questions to which we can expect no answer. who was she before? who is she now? what happened to her? when did she change? what has she lost? what has she gained? is this who she wants to be? did pressure from her mother shape her, or grief over her mother’s death, or something else entirely? is this who she was always going to become, or could she have been something else? all of these and more lead into the central questions that define both the dark/scarlet mistress and monster movies: what is it?, what is it capable of?, and what does it want? these questions are, naturally, never answered, although it’s likely we’ll get a little more insight into her motives in the bachelor route of patho 2.

stepping back from the specifics of mistresses, this again carries strong themes of coming of age and lost childhood/girlhood; the idea that in order to ascend so to speak and to take on role greater than you are, you have to either destroy yourself or be yourself destroyed. maria’s version of this story is, again, a tragedy. she is plagued by the stress of her destiny, haunted by nightmarish prophetic visions (which fucking DANKOVSKY doesn’t even BELIEVE), and completely alone, so much so that to express her love physically would destroy the object of her love, and yet she is still the incredible femme fatale i was talking about before. this is where i end up with the quote i captioned my painting of maria with: “a girl burns, and the sublime blossoms.”

i used the word sublime to describe maria twice in my writing, in that quote and in “her eyes are fierce, dark, sublime.” this is literally the best word i can come up with to describe the scarlet mistress, and the sublime is a big concept in aesthetic theory, but one which is hard to describe in itself. i try to portray elements of the sublime whenever i write or draw her although i’m not THAT good yet lol. it doesn’t have any physical or functional criteria except the feeling it causes (for a good example i think of the earthrise photo). this quote on the sublime, by edmund burke, feels very reminiscent of the way nina is described in game: “the passion caused by the great and sublime in nature, when those causes operate most powerfully, is astonishment, and astonishment is that state of the soul in which all its motions are suspended, with some degree of horror.” it’s awe-inspiring, it’s scary, it’s a force of nature, both refined and wild and personally impersonal, and it’s pretty much the only word i have for the iconic maria quote.... you know the one. “and you know, mother, that forge is me. sometimes i wake up with a burning in my chest, and the sky becomes crimson. in that very moment, if i kiss someone, they can see it too. it’s true.”

one last thing i LOVE about maria is the power of self and autonomy she retains, especially in 2. in the diurnal ending as the utopians are planning to cross the river (which was her plan in classic), maria says she doesn’t want to; she wants to stay and create, not art or buildings but people, to bring them into the sublime. her cruelty is how she nurtures those around her, as opposed to capella whose nurturing is in many ways cruel. and it’s in the diurnal ending that we first hear the title “crimson mistress”; where in classic, nina was the scarlet mistress and maria became the scarlet mistress, in 2 nina was the dark mistress and maria becomes crimson. there is no question that she’s not her mother. after all she’s endured, she forges herself into something new, not necessarily brighter but more visceral, takes her mother’s legacy and makes it her own.

so i guess tldr: what’s not to like about maria kaina?

#no more p2 bachelor route. maria route now #pathologic #maria kaina #i really got lost in the sauce here #Anonymous #asks

28 notes · View notes

laufire · 4 years ago

Text

Supernatural s3

It’s so unfair that the season that has Ruby AND Bela is so short :(((. I was done with it waaaay too quickly, and now I’m speed running through s4 xD (which, like the first time around, is Strong Mixed Feelings territory).

-My girl Ruby!!!! I was so happy to have her back, I kept grinning like a loon every time she was on screen. It’s quite interesting watching the 1.0 and 2.0 versions so close to each other, instead of as they air. I have... Thoughts, on whether Ruby as a double agent was something planned or that they decided as they went, but that’s for the s4 post. s3!Ruby really doesn’t come across as one (“I don’t believe in the devil” oh I wish sometimes xD, I love my nonbelievers), imo, but the beauty of such a device is that you can rationalize anything she does as devious if you want to xD

And it goes without saying that I love her interactions with Sam. THIS SHIP ISTG. I love how immediately ~attuned to her he is lol, his present and instinctive concern for her even if he tries to mask his interest as “practical”. And all the repeated times Sam’s conflicted between her and Dean -like when he deviates Dean shot (wasting one of the Colt’s bullets lmfao) or during the argument about the virgin sacrifice xD. And the “that’s my boy”/ “little fallen angel on your shoulder” quotes!!! Ruby 1.0 deserved to be railed by Sam too, smh.

My favourite episode of hers is “Jus in Bello” (which would be my fave of the season just by virtue of having both Bela and Ruby in the same episode lol. Not interacting, of course, the world as we know it wouldn’t have survived). I just love that she gets that final moment of I TOLD YOU SO to the brothers xD. I really like how she expands on the demonic lore of the show- I love, LOVE the detail about how all demons used to be humans, how they’re souls corrupted in hell. And that in her past life she was a witch (there was this really good fic in Spanish fandom about it... I need to hunt it down).

BTW, though I think her interactions with Dean in that episode are interesting, it really hammers home how much I hate him sometimes xD. Can you stop saying misogynistic slurs for TWO GODDAMN MINUTES, DEAN (and as we know from as early as this season, only HE can have demon/monster friends!! What a fucking hypocrite xD). I freaking love the moment in the finale when she viciously yells him about how she wishes she could see him in hell lmao (and how it foreshadows that when she shows sympathy later, it’s actually Lilith in disguise lmfao). I hate Dean gets the last word in their dynamic, tbqh. Until the s15 cameo, at least xDD

One thing that’s been bothering me xD: the French fries. Demons are vulnerable to salt, like other spirits, right? (and hey, look what a nice piece of foreshadowing that was). How does that translate to food lol. Because Ruby adores French fries, and they obviously contain salt. It’s like spicy food for humans? Or like pineapple? Inquiring minds etc. xD

-I still cannot believe Bela Talbot was only on the show for six episodes lmao. Her presence still lingers in the watchers’ heads so much?? Which is understandable because she’s Lead Girl Material if there was ever any lol. The care with which they styled her even?? You don’t do that for just any character lmao (I mean, just look at most of SPN’s female characters for comparison xD).

Her ship with Dean could’ve really been something, too -even if I hate Dean in it, I can’t deny it packs a punch, narrative-wise. I mean, the Batcat undertones alone!! The fake married undercover shenanigans!! And I think it’s really interesting that she’s such a blind spot for him; Dean’s unusually intuitive about people, but with Bela he takes everything at face value and she can fool him like no other (while, OTOH, is Sam who questions her facade and wants to see more). If he hadn’t been such an idiot (and such an asshole) he could’ve had a really powerful ship. Sucks to be him lol.

Anyway. Man, I love her. So much. I love how Gordon’s threats to kill her don’t work on her, and I love that the show basically said “Bela killing her abusive parents is good, actually” (I’m so tired of forgiveness narratives, you guys. This entire show is founded on revenge, so let me get my revenge fantasies in peace!!) xDD. And I love, LOVE that she withheld that truth from Dean, that she decided he wasn’t worth it. OTOH, you know, fuck the fans that got her written out, definitely; but on the other, I do love how her story ended (and that it was a clear "fuck you" to shitty fans). Doesn’t stop me for wanting to read and re-read (and maybe write!) even more “Bela escapes hell” fix-its, but still.

Also, very important question: what happened to her cat?? It’s the cat alright?? I’m going to headcanon that she left them with that cougar friend of hers lol.

-So. THE DEAL. Okay. Oof. I love this storyline, a lot. A loooot. I love the conflict it creates between the brothers (as long as there’s still conflict and Sam hasn’t yet started taking everything lying down I can enjoy that part of their narrative lol). I love Dean’s initial forced giddiness about “making the most out of his last year” and I love the moment Dean decides he does want to try to live because it makes the last few episodes all the most desperate and cruel (and hey, I’ve heard he only went to hell because the season was cut short due to a writers’ strike... if that’s true that’s so funny lmao).

My absolutely favourite part however? That you can FEEL Dean’s unvoiced resentment towards Sam. For Dean having to die for him, even if Sam never asked him to. He lashes out to Sam repeatedly through the season, but it really came to ahead in the dreamspace episode, where Dean confronts another version of himself that talks about how Sam was “dotted on” (the revisionism asldfkaf). This show is absolutely ruthless when it comes to showing you its characters’ ugly, unfair reactions to things and it’s my favourite thing evah.

Speaking of the dreamspace episode, OMFG. I loved both brothers there. Dean’s hallucination, seeing himself as a demon? And how he let out his anger about John?? Beautiful, truly (regarding John, I also loved their different reactions when it looked like his spirit had contacted them: Dean jumping on it and Sam detached skepticism). But my favourite part has to be when Sam uses the villain’s abusive father against him. Like. Damn. That was cold-blooded o.0

The second-to-last episode, when Sam tracked down that Frankenstein doctor to try and make Dean immortal was ABSOLUTELY HORRIFYING OMG. I loved that. I love that Sam wanted to use it for both them. It was some scary shit. I also love the scene where the crossroads demon questions whether Sam really wants to break the deal, I’m gathering it’s going to be nice foreshadowing later on in the show lol.

Anyway. I also found Dean’s death scene more impactful than Sam’s. Partially because of the horror of it, but mostly because I think at this type of scenes, Padalecki is better. Sam’s grief felt more real, Dean’s got me out of the scene (it’s the voice, I think. Sometimes Ackles’ voice takes me out of scenes, it sounds... forced).

I also really enjoyed how the time loop episode wrapped around this subplot. It managed to be both heartbreaking and mind-numbly hilarious lmfao. Like?? All the deaths?? Were so pathetic?? I tip my hat to Ackles because I don’t think most actors could carry plots like this half as well lmfao.

Sidenote, it’s always a trip to see The Trickster God knowing that fucker is Gabriel. Archangel “hey Mary do you accept God knocking you up” Gabriel. Which I guess isn’t exactly a thing in this show?? Since according to the wikia SPN Jesus was “just a man” (and let me tell you, I’m tickled pink by the fact that out of ALL mythological figures, specifically all CHRISTIAN mythological figures, the show decided to go “nah” on Jesus Christ. I mean, I guess he’d take away from Dean’s, Sam’s and Castiel’s resurrection narratives, but still. It’s so funny!!).

-Gordon Walker remains a superbly acted and fascinating character with extra racist nonsense alsdkfjasdf. But I can’t deny I loved seeing him as a vampire. He was terrifying. And I’m definitely shipping him with Kubrick, ouch xD

-The Ghostfacers episode is... something. As in, incredibly exploitative and homophobic and with an egregious case of BYG (and the first where I’d say it’s incontestable to claim the trope was used. s1 and s2 are muddy territory given the circumstances, IMO, but this one is 300% BYG), but so successfully manipulative my heart hurt for Corbett and Corbett x Ed still. Fuck them for that ngl. I do still enjoy how anti-Winchesters they all are though xD

-3x01 introduces the one nice marriage of hunters so far, between a black couple. The man dies in a gross, horrifying way within the episode ofc (because he was Mean to the the brothers duh). She makes it out alive, and since she doesn’t reappear in the show she gets to live. So for now black women have a sliiiiiightly better track record in SPN than track guys there: they get to appear in a few more episodes and be more fleshed out (Victor, Gordon), but as long as they’re only in one episode they get to live!! (Cassie, Tamara).

-Rufus and Bobby are exes, right? Right?? Probably still married in some state? You know that post about how when gay marriage was legalized across the USA there were a lot of issues because some couples had split and never bothered to divorce, since it was only legal in one place? That post was made for them. Pity Rufus is a black man, and as such has a limited number of allowed appearances before he’s killed off ¬¬

-I would’ve enjoyed Dean’s moments with Lisa and Ben more (it’s just so RIGHT that in this moment he’d want Ben to be his) if my knowledge of future spoilers didn’t perpetually have me in a state of “pls keep this guy away from kids” lol.

-They had Harmony’s actress (BTVS) and they made her a vampire!! The show’s hard on for the Buffyverse is a bit of a hit and miss but I can’t say I don’t relate xDD.

-I know Jensen Ackles can sing (in fact thanks to youtube I know a few of the actors can... is there a musical episode. Does this show have its own OMWF. I need to know). So why. WHY. Does he sound like that during “Dead or Alive”??? I actually like the scene but he sounds so off-key lmao.

-BTW, I found out that apparently Katie Cassidy and Lauren Cohan originally auditioned for each other’s roles añslkdfjasf. I can’t picture it. Ruby 1.0 is Ruby 1.0 and Bela is Bela xD. Although I’ve seen each playing roles that could meld with the other, just. Nope. Good choice on the casting there lol.

#talking to the void #my thoughts #spn thoughts #supernatural #spnruby #samruby #bela talbot #deanbela #deanruby #sam winchester #dean winchester #gordon walker #ruby 1.0 #spn gabriel #ghostfacers #alan corbett #bobby x rufus #spn s3 #the winchesters get to have a tag I GUESS

24 notes · View notes

shy-magpie · 4 years ago

Text

RQG 156

live blog under the cut

Heads up about half way through I realized I go a bit further into analysis on where Zolf & the Kobolds are mentally than some people might be comfortable with. Just as they trust us to back off if the episode gets to real, I am trusting you to close the tab if my little live blog is hitting you wrong. If it makes a difference I have years between me and the reason I relate to this stuff.

"In Memorium" they are trying to kill us Ah they lampshaded the speed intros Yes Alex it is rather Paris Right to Azu & Zolf. Oh he's jumping right in. And there's my first pause of the episode. No “better” isn't a magic finish line you pass then never find yourself in that place again. No, knowing that doesn't mean you don't wonder if your back at square one every time you realize You Are In A Bad Place and Not Handling it Well. Gosh Azu is good at this. Yeah learning to walk away is hard. Learning to ignore the part of yourself that says "and never come back for their sake" is harder. Symbolic much Alex (Zolf is too small for the room, Azu is too large) Yeah it would be easier to not blame Zolf for last episode if I related to him a bit less. Okay they are talking about Hamid and their concerns for him directly. Yeah Hamid's relationship with power & privilege is an arc; and without the Doylist level of trusting Bryn & Alex, I can see where even if you trust/like him you'd be worried about it. With the best of intentions people misuse power. Azu quoted Grizzop at Zolf. Didn't name him, wonder if Zolf is ever going ask directly about his replacement in canon or if its best left to fic. Its easy to dismiss one's own successes. Okay fair and OW, Zolf isn't up to talking about Sasha; which is the part of this I was most prepared for. Hell yeah! He is coming down but not going to be attempting to lead so as to relieve pressure on himself. Maybe if he can let Hamid step up without making a Kew Garden thing he'll see how much he's grown. Hopefully without that setting off a "Hamid does better without me" thing. Yeah intellectual knowledge and it feeling real on an emotional level are very different things. Alex, why does it matter what order they are in? ALEX? The necklace? The Heart of Aphrodite shaped necklace? Azu got a Sign from Aphrodite approving of her reaching out to Zolf as an act of love. Yes! Blue Black no take backs! Yeah those two (players) know exactly what they are doing: breaking my heart in the best ways and not skipping over the actual work those two (characters) need to put into their relationship with OOC "its all fine now"s. Ok that settles the timeline, Azu went up same night, the device isn't made yet. Yeah Zolf wouldn't, probably best to back off while things are tender while being present enough to assure he isn't planning on leaving. Seriously bless Azu, this has to be at least as hard on her as Helen but she is letting the boys have room to work it out for themselves instead of "trying to help". The last thing either of them need right now is pressure especially on this point. Aw the Kobolds teach Cel draconic. Oh smart kid, not only is it just logical for the Kobolds to work with Cel directly, it might help them get over the "looking to see if the boss approves of how you breathe" stage. Especially if he is clear about not being threatened by them having advantage over him in this area. Heck of a relief this isn't hitting my rank issues. Ooh all the Kobolds are amazing engineers, wonder if its a Kobold thing or if Skraak recruited people with similar interests. Nice rework of the "Kobolds build traps" thing from pathfinder. I genuinely love how instead of pitching the original description of Kobolds out the window, Alex has backwards engineered it. Reputation for traps isn't a dishonorable approach to fighting, its a sign of their skill. They aren't minions, their trauma is interacting with a cultural attitude about rank in weird ways. Oh Cel! Cel is amazing. Under Shoin's orders they: made Magic Steroids, did maintenance (more towards the end as Shoin wasn't taking care of things), built the place initially, sourced ingredients, other Kobolds built the Mechkraken. Damn Shoin, they can't even be proud of all they were able to do in adverse circumstances because he tainted it. If they weren't forced to do it and have it used for ill ends, building the kraken would be impressive. A lot of that sounds like difficult work. Hamid stuff: yeah it is from a place of fear; and they would be hypersensitive and need to try to "defend him" so he doesn't react. Terrified of his anger? Handle anything that even annoys him to cut it off at the pass. And being a good person who doesn't like scaring them, Hamid is going to over do the very "Mary Sunshine" routine that makes Zolf think he doesn't appreciate the gravity of the situation. You'd think Mr "do a grief later" would get that Hamid doesn't have to walk the halls wailing to be aware of the end of the world. Not that the kid can win, if he cried and threw up it would be proof he hasn't grown from season one. Hopefully by taking a back seat Zolf will have a chance to see Hamid's actions and realize being chipper & wholesome doesn't mean stupid. Oh Alex has thought this through, one of these days I'll quit being surprised he actually gets this stuff. Not being able to read the person whose emotions feel like life & death is a Bad Thing. Thank Alex for Skraak. Weird seeing this stuff from this side, of course learning to focus on my end instead of being preoccupied with what was going on in the heads of people who were on Hamid's end of it was rather the point. Perfect balance, Hamid gives them enough space to realize he isn’t going to explode, Skraak "translates" into something clear enough not to stress them out. Like when Zolf snapped at Skraak when he pledged to Hamid; might not be pretty but not knowing what The Powers That Be want? Very bad place. Rank and clear orders are very important when appeasing those who outrank you is everything. Cel has dealt with a lot of young and unsure apprentices!?! Yeah well Cel isn't in their chain of command and gears don't get offended if you have an opinion on the right way to configure them. Cel is great Azu & Hamid talking about Zolf! Helen is wonderful! I thought this was going to be drawn out and indirect, instead they are actually facing things head on and dealing with them. Aw these two are so good for each other. Azu would set aside her own emotions. Hot damn Azu, getting right to it! Hamid can be amazingly open about his self awareness and it surprises me every time. It fits him and is a very good thing, but going from answering "how are you?" with "the Kobolds are doing well" to "I never knew how to help him" without it being jarring made me do quite the double take. Guess I was expecting more deflection. Yeah well you two are redefining your boundaries, entire relationship, and rank in specific, while being the perhaps the only people with enough of the picture to figure out how to save the world. Working out the balance between conflicting views on that, when neither of you knows what the end will look like was never going to be smooth. Oh yes and none of you have directly addressed that half of Zolf's rank & dick measuring stuff is because he doesn't know if he even has a role if he isn't The Boss or The Healer.* Oh the grin in Alex's voice as he tells them there is something else before the brorb interview. Whisky tumblers for each? Quite a sigh there Ben News? Big news? While they were in the institute? They ought to sit down. Wilde get to it. Ah Azu & Hamid are holding hands. Poor kid with his prop. Letter? Ancient Rome? Sasha? Are all the fics coming true? Their founder "Askingus"!?! Oh Sasha, oh Zolf! Lydia! Oh the kids! She named the kids after the party. She even found her faith. A break? How the hell are we only half way through the episode. Also hell yeah Lydia deserves all the awards, that was an amazing letter. XD Ben! Oh Hamid, we reacted that way to the epilogue that way too. It really is okay, it was a good end. Yeah he could use a drink. Poor Zolf. Hamid gives Wilde a hug. "technically I think that makes Sasha my boss". XP be cryptic Alex, The RSB will have it figured out by Friday. Ok Zolf got to read the letter on his own. Azu lit 3 candles, because Helen wants me to cry. Hamid is at Zolf's door with a bottle and two glasses. Lydia this is a compliment to your skill. More direct than I expected from Hamid. Oh these two! Okay he is drunk enough to go there (angry at Zolf for leaving but he gets it). About time someone told Zolf directly he's grown. Aw Zolf puts him to bed. Thank you Alex! Ben! (okay fair, if any of Hamid was left he'd cuddle). Sorry Cel! Lydia wanted to break/heal our hearts more than she wanted the plot to move forward ;) Good plan: take the orb to the anti magic field, only those who have already talked to it can talk directly. Info control. Hive mind/telepathy directly addressed. Finally what Shoin eats is addressed. Ok Cel has some teeth on them. Hasn't fed it, is using the vibration to threaten to explode his brain, (no English doesn't have enough pronouns we are working on it)... Oh good point better feed it. Aw Zolf is possessive of the kitchen. Shoin is still Shoin. Cel is not happy about not being recognized. Nice to hear the boys working together. The Infection might block him from being directly aware of being infected. Bullsh$% he backed himself up. Good point Zolf even if he does, they are separate lives, this instance can still fear death. Oh all the party have teeth, nice they don't have the "good guys have to be sweet & gentle with the baddies" thing Yeah Cel isn't stupid, the brorbs arm isn't a threat. Oh auto painting that will make the people theorizing on the bio side of how the Brorb works happy. A circulatory diagram, and am ocean of faces. Paints like a printer. A creepy charcoal sketch of London staring at the artist. *I swear on Rusty Tower if they let him hurt himself any worse because he thinks his new role is "a brick wall on wheels" I am joining the line to fight Ben in a Whetherspoons parking lot. Yes it would be in character but so would healing. There are other hills. Although seriously its been great having a character that shows so many of the aspects of depression that usually get left out. That Zolf is also a three dimensional character with a full personality beyond just "the one with mental health issues" while not making it look like those issues are tacked on or easy to handle? Stunning work.

#Rusty Quill Gaming #RQG Spoilers #alcohol #live blog thingy #RQG 156

8 notes · View notes

fanficflaneuse · 4 years ago

Text

One Day - Part 10

A/N: Dear magical tumblr friends, we’ve reached part 10. I’m sorry if it’s not that good. I was really excited to write it, but today I had to do a bunch of things for my graduate applications and it was just hectic. Still, it is Draco Malfoy’s birthday and I didn’t want to let the day pass without uploading a big, nice chapter. I hope you like it either way.

Also, before we start, I feel the need to express my utter love for Theo Nott and Astoria Greengrass lol. I don’t hate them. In fact, if anyone wants to recommend some Theo Nott fanfiction, I’m all for it.

Let’s do this!

Draco x reader (she/her pronouns) Word count: 1921 Summary: One day AU. Post-war. Since The Battle of Hogwarts, Draco and y/n meet one day a year.

Masterlist

Enjoy!

3 May, 2009

“What is this?” Draco asked in awe, motioning to (Y/N)’s hair.

“It’s my take on the French bob,” she answered playfully.

Every time he saw her, Draco found (Y/N) more beautiful than before. This time, though, he swore she was actually glowing. She had gotten a haircut and now her locks framed her face differently. She dressed so…French now, which he found adorable and incredibly sexy. And her smile was bigger and brighter than he had seen in years. In general, this version of his best friend made him feel like a teenager again.

Draco had been postponing this trip for weeks now. They had not addressed the issue yet, (when had they ever?) but everyone knew that the moment one of them reached out for the other, things would finally be settled. Their friends were tired of seeing them clumsily stumble through their feelings. That’s why Astoria took Scorpius to the Nott’s chalet on the Swiss Alps and practically forced him onto a train to Paris.

Astoria and Draco were not exactly the closest friends, but they had a son together and for his sake they maintained a more than civil relationship. She had settled down with Theo Nott, marrying him just after the divorce was finalized. They were happy together and she wanted his son’s father to move on as well. She was not only moved by a sense of guilt; deep down, Astoria had always known that the connection Draco and (Y/N) had was deeper than she would ever comprehend.

Whatever the case, the feeling of elation that washed over him as they held each other at Gare du Nord made him grateful for being alive again. He had butterflies in his stomach and a tingling all around. As if their bodies were connected, (Y/N) could also feel something electrifying. They hugged for the longest time, as if they weren’t in a crowded station with people rushing around.

(Y/N) and Draco walked arm in arm to her apartment in Montmartre. He still had a lot of questions about muggles, so she enjoyed pointing things out for him as they strolled. He had been to Paris countless times in his childhood and even once with Astoria, but this felt different. Walking with (Y/N), listening as she told him about the things she did every day, the places she frequented and the muggle history behind them felt like a dream come true. (Y/N) was very excited about taking him to a bunch of places and she numbered cheerfully all of the activities she had planned for them. Draco wished he could live in this moment forever.

“So, you’ve been consistently on the Prophet’s Best Seller list for almost a year and now you’ve won the Beedle the Bard literary prize. Don’t you dare to forget about your commoner friends, (Y/L/N),” he teased.

“You’re hardly a commoner, Healer Malefoy,” she taunted back, using the French translation of his last name.

Draco rolled his eyes playfully. “But really, you’re conquering the world one book at a time and I cannot be prouder…of myself for still having your original poetry saved somewhere at home.”

(Y/N) snickered. “I guess magical readers like the flavour of muggle literature. ‘That Kafka fellow? An absolute genius’,” as she quoted him playfully, Draco’s heart flipped.

When they reached the apartment, Draco observed everything in astonishment. Each little detail around the house embodied her. From the towers of books that flooded the flat to the position of the sofa by the fireplace, the rickety spiral staircase leading to the second floor, the creamy colours of the walls, the muggle paintings – she would later call them ‘impressionist’ –, the huge windowpanes and the mismatched yet harmonious furniture, it was all her. Draco had never seen a place represent a person so well. Even more surprising was the feeling that invaded him as soon as he set foot inside; he sensed that he had finally arrived home. He was Odysseus returning to his beloved Ithaca and he never wanted to set sail again.

They goofed around for a while, talking nonsense as they drank some very expensive wine. They danced around the room, enjoying the different layers to muggle music. Lately, (Y/N) had got then both hooked on muggle jazz. Draco relished greatly how the music seemed to pierce through them as they swayed around the room.

As the sunset painted the sky with colourful swirls, Draco stood by the window, observing the rooftops, the quaint streets and the Eiffel tower at a distance. (Y/N) took in his form. He looked much better. He stood taller; his shoulders no longer sagged forward in defeat. The bags under his eyes were practically gone. She could tell he was eating more. And he seemed generally happier. It made her smile.

“Are you sure you don’t want to go anywhere tonight?” she asked softly, walking towards him.

He turned to face her and nodded vehemently. He knew what he wanted to do. But it was only about an hour later, when they were cuddling in her bed, that he delved slowly into the much-awaited conversation.

Draco’s head laid on (Y/N)’s stomach. He was facing her way, eyes closed as her fingers worked their magic on his scalp. He was thinking about the right way to say it. And it all started off clumsily.

“So, Olivier Flamel, huh?”

“Yes,” she sighed.

For a while, (Y/N) had dated Olivier Flamel, a descendant of the one and only Nicholas Flamel, who, not coincidentally at all, was also a big-shot alchemist. It had ended like most of her relationships and flings in the last few years: casually, easily, no real pain for either part involved because they hadn’t been really that involved.

“Do I have to hex him?” Draco asked seriously.

(Y/N) snorted. “Ron asked me just the same,” she explained when he shot her an amused look, “And of course not, Dray. Olivier is an amazing guy. There was a lot of chemistry between us and we had a very passionate affair. But ultimately, we were just so different.”

Draco was invaded by a horrible feeling of envy when she talked about their amazing chemistry, but he did his best not to show it, to be rational and kind.

“How are you holding up?” he asked, even though he already knew. He needed the confirmation that still didn’t have feelings for him.

“You know it’s fine,” she shrugged, “I guess I’m just shook. For a while there I was half of the ‘it’ couple of the French wizarding jet set. It was a wild ride. Way too much to handle”.

Her cheeky smile then turned into a more concerned gesture. “How are you holding up?”

To say that (Y/N) had been surprised by Draco and Astoria’s divorce was the understatement of the century. The only thing she was certain of was that she didn’t want to see Draco suffer like that ever again. It had made her physically sick, to see him in so broken. She had been there through every stage of his grief. She helped him move back to Malfoy Manor. She took care of Scorpius on the days in which he couldn’t get out of bed. She cried with him. She got drunk with him. She was the big spoon. And through it all, (Y/N) only real target was to help Draco’s heart heal.

“I’m alright now. In hindsight I guess I am not surprised, you know? Our relationship was doomed since the beginning. The most important thing to me is Scorpius and I believe we’re handling it well, the share custody and all. He’s a happy boy.”

(Y/N) kept caressing Draco’s hair. There was a painfully long silence. The feeling of repressed words and feelings clouded the air. They had kissed a couple of times before. Once they had a very heated make out session that almost leads to them shagging. But they hadn’t talked about it. Every time it happened, they would just ignore it and carry on, as if they were not both elated by it. (Y/N) had spent countless nights telling herself that she wouldn’t kiss him again; she didn’t want to be Draco’s rebound.

“We totally suck at this love thing, don’t we?” (Y/N) finally said.

Draco’s heart was beating hard on his chest. It was now or never. “I don’t think we suck at this ‘love thing’,” he pointed out, raising up to face her, “I think we have ignored the right person to do the love thing with”.

(Y/N) regarded him seriously for a second. This is really not how she thought the infamous conversation would go. She was braising herself for yet another disappointment. And now here he was, saying the things she had wanted for so long. A lot of mixed messages were bouncing in her mind.

“You mean us? Together?” (Y/N) sat up, “Dray, don’t you think that boat sailed about a decade ago?”

Draco’s smile fell. He was certainly not expecting that. All of a sudden, he felt an emptiness in his stomach and an urgent need to cry. “D-do you really think so?”

“The timing is never right,” she breathed out.

“Look at us now, love. The timing is perfect,” he said before kissing both of her cheeks.

(Y/N)’s eyes welled with tears. “I don’t want to be your rebound, Dray,” she softly.

Draco looked at her, his expression softening. “I’ve been in love with you for the longest time, (Y/N). I pushed you away, convinced that I was doing the ultimate sacrifice for you. I wanted to save you from, well, me. You deserved better. You still do”, he heard her scoff, “But I guess that doesn’t matter anymore.”

They looked at each other intently. “Now,” he said dramatically, “I’ve come all this way to confess my undying love for you…”

“Idiot,” she muttered playfully, the widest and most genuine smile plastered on her face. He inched forward and kissed her face again: her forehead, her cheeks, her jaw, her neck. (Y/N) felt like she was floating on a cloud.

“I want to be yours, (Y/N). I want you to be mine,” he whispered in her ear, before kissing her on that soft spot he knew made her breathing hitch.

“Draco, I swear if you hurt me, if you use me as a rebound, I swear to Circe I’m going to hex you and never talk to –“

He shook his head. “I will never hurt you, (Y/N/N). I am in love with you.”

“I’ve always been yours, Dray,” she said, softly.

“As I’ve always been yours,” he answered.

They looked at each other then, eyes full of adoration. He tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. His eyes quickly set on her lips before meeting her gaze again. (Y/N) pressed her lips to his. It was, by no means, the first time Draco and (Y/N) kissed. It was, though, the best one they had shared to date. It started sweet and loving, but its intensity raised as the minutes went by. Their feelings let loose, pressing themselves unfiltered with each caress.

“I love you, Draco,” she said breathlessly.

He pressed (Y/N) to his chest, kissing the top of her head multiple times.

“Say that you love me again,” he almost pleaded, his voice small and a bit ashamed. Draco couldn’t believe his ears and he wanted every confirmation he could possibly get.

“I love you, Dray,” she said, pecking his lips, “I love you.”

tags: @fandomscombine @okaydraco @naomi02hook @iliketoast23 @winnsmills @oldfashionedlovergirlsblog @happycomb @xtrashmouthxtozierx @animelover09556 @hopplessdreamer

98 notes · View notes

kkwritr · 3 years ago

Text

‘what is grief but love persevering’.

I haven’t written in maybe two years and approach writing for catharsis again with a careful caution. I contemplated a lot where I write this, and whether I share it. Writing and hosting it on Tumblr, a place I grew up and enjoyed some of the most wholesome, care-free years of my early adult life feels fitting as we talk about grief. Reason being, I’ve recently been grieving the loss of who I was before my late twenties. And whilst navigating the grief of a former happier, less fatigued and traumatised me, I lost my grandmother.

A few months ago, Vision said in Marvel’s WandaVision: ‘What is grief but love persevering’, and the quote stuck with me. It’s been one I’ve thought about often this past week. To grieve is to be sad, to mourn the loss of something or someone you love, it leaves a void of the former and an empty hollowness. But that love perseveres. And feeling this sadness just means that there was love to begin with, so much love, and here you are holding onto it. There’s kindness and warmth in this.

Hey Shona

My Grandma battled a series of aches in life, beyond sickness and ailments, she was a woman who stood graciously in the face of immense adversity, hurt and pain. In her final years, as she began deteriorating in front of us, during her last visit to London, I sat with her and asked if I could ask her about her life and record it. She agreed and I recorded hours of conversations. We laughed, we sat solemnly, I teased her, she scolded me, we didn’t cry, but it was cathartic and my cloud now holds this tender moment memorialised for her family and future great-grandchildren to enjoy.

She told me in said interview that her husband, my grandad, a young man from a neighbouring bari had declared to her pre marriage, ‘Hey Shona, did you hear? I want to marry you’. I swooned, and asked her whether that made her heart race, or whether she felt funny in her stomach (I couldn’t translate the feeling of butterflies in Bangla) and she told me off saying ‘you don’t need to know, go and find your own man instead of asking me such personal questions about mine’. I laughed because she is exactly where I get my sass from.

We worried that she would pass earlier this year during a sudden bout of sickness and hospitalisation. I remember frantically driving to her, a few hours away from London. I was fortunate enough to spend the night sat by her, just the two of us. Our last real Nani/Khadijah moment. She was coherent enough for us to stay up talking. We wrote and drew a family tree together, she remembered the names of her family, distant and close, and told me stories about all of them. I wrote everything down and she asked me to turn it into a small book and share it with the others so we could look at it from time to time after she passes and remember her. I told her I would. (She also pushed me to get my nose pierced, I told her I’d think about it as I have a nose insecurity. I now think I may do it in her memory, although I’m sad she won’t be able to see and enjoy it and also compliment me lol).

Fast forward to a few days ago, my entire family got to spend a few hours with her before the burial. She lay in the middle of the room looking like she was asleep. Cosy almost, shrouded in white. Her face quite literally was illuminated with noor. I never understood what was meant by the deceased having noor until I saw it. The months leading up to her death, she kept saying she was ready to meet Allah SWT. And whilst we can’t say for sure, I have a resounding calmness and confidence in knowing she is happy with her Lord and surrounded by the Angels iA.

Adulting in death

I’ve described navigating a sudden bereavement as something that forces you to grow up. I’ve emerged from this week a more grown up and mature me. You’re forced to deal with life (and death) administration, to manage others’ grief whilst trying to manage your own, you juggle your responsibilities and figure out how to pause them, all the while, you try to maintain a spiritual high. Being strong for my mum who was rendered a child who just wanted her mum, calling my aunty to tell her her mother had died, and then having to break the news to tiny children who won’t get to see grandma again, these are conversations we are never ready to have, and there is no way to do it without feeling like you completely messed it up.

There are hundreds of other moments in the days that follow that you are met with, and each feels like you fumbled it, or as if you are emotionally drained and have nothing to give to all your loved ones who are grieving too. And then…

A full tank

… your tank is filled.

My heart this week has been a tank; empty, drained, tired, hollow, numb – and then, the outpour of love from every single friend, family member, loved one, acquaintance, mutual, colleague, sister and brother fills it up. Ounce by ounce, some litre by litre, others in the galleons to the point it over spills.

The ‘how many Juz’s do you need me to read’, the ‘I’ll have one khatam completed for you by tomorrow’, the ‘I’ll sort out your car’, the ‘this is how you apply for an assignment extension’, the ‘do you need me to bring food’, the ‘I’m praying for your mum’, the ‘what do you need from me’, the ‘don’t hesitate, please tell me’, the ‘I love you’s’, ‘please stay hydrated’, ‘I’m supporting and adore you’, ‘I’m holding you’. All of it. Every single text, every (missed) call, voice note, every ‘I’m just checking in’, every ‘no pressure to reply but I’m here and I’m praying for you all’ – they filled up the tank. In turn, this allowed me to be present for my family the way I needed to be, because I was being held up elsewhere.

Throughout this grief, I haven’t been able to sleep, and yesterday was my first day back home, away from my family - my friend stayed with me on the phone until five, discussing this grief and life and death, love and healing and we shared stories of our grandmothers until finally I was tired enough to fall asleep without getting lost in my head.

The way we love, comes back to us. Wholly, fully, completely - It always comes back. The same way my Grandma was loved and her face shone with noor, I’ve been glowing in the love of others this week. And thus, my navigating this grief was bearable. Cripplingly sad, (I honestly have no more tears left to cry) but bearable.

Life resumes

Such is life that the world goes on after death and loss. Inevitably our loved ones are left behind but stay in our memories and hearts and we go on. In the moving forward, may the love always remain. May we remain soft, thoughtful and kind, and remember this life is short and this world isn’t it. This world is a number of days, every whim, every desire, every hope that fails, every struggle we get lost in, every ache we are convinced will finish us, it’s all but a matter of days. Forever is promised, but this isn’t it. But here’s to the forever and getting there, with everyone we love. Until then, bittersweetly, life resumes.

#kkwrites #grief

1 note · View note

rosethornewrites · 4 years ago

Text

Fic: this body yet survives, ch. 1

Relationship: Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī/Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn

Characters: Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī, Lán Huàn | Lán Xīchén, Lán Qǐrén, Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn, Jiāng Chéng | Jiāng Wǎnyín, Jiāng Yànlí

Additional Tags: No War AU, Recovery, Trauma, Dissociation

Summary: Wei WuXian continues to recover from his traumatic near-death experience, and the cultivation world slowly reacts to the event as well.

Notes: I hesitated to write this because I’m already writing two multichapter fics. But I already started this and I have Plans, so it’s too late. So here we go. Please note that in the coming weeks the new semester will start and so my writing time will be much curtailed. The title of this is taken from another Mei Yaochen poem. His poems are really lovely. My favorites deal with grief and longing. I really need to look into finding translations—a translation I found of 不知夢 was haunting. Alas, this pandemic doesn’t make getting books easy.

Parts 1 & 2

AO3 Link

---------------

“Xiongzhang, shufu, I wish to court Wei Ying.”

WangJi had decided to be forward about his desire. Most would approach such a conversation in a roundabout way, starting with idle conversation, but WangJi preferred to be direct, especially in this.

Truthfully, he would have sought permission before now, but Wei Ying was fragile, even after he had finally broken through to him.

When he had brought him to his siblings after his admission of hunger, Jiang YanLi had cried when he actually ate, kept filling his bowl, and had since made it her personal mission to get him back to a healthy weight. Jiang Cheng’s reaction had been stronger; he had given Wei Ying an almost violent hug and demanded he never worry them like that again.

“I’ll try not to,” Wei Ying had said.

“If you… I was going to kill a-niang if you didn’t get better. She’d deserve it. She does deserve it.”

Jiang Cheng’s voice had been filled with vitriol.

Neither sibling had wanted to part from him, particularly after he admitted to having nightmares, and the four of them had stayed in the jingshi that night, with XiChen as an amused chaperone due to Jiang YanLi’s status as a young maiden. WangJi had not expected to be included in the sleepover, but he had been pleased by it nonetheless.

“I was there, but I wasn’t,” Wei Ying tried to explain, struggling both to find the words and stay awake. “I knew what was going on around me, but I didn’t really feel anything. Interacting was hard, like trying to run underwater.”

He had fallen asleep long before hai shi, after Jiang YanLi had stuffed him full of lotus and pork rib soup, spicy baozi, and osmanthus cakes she had personally prepared in the kitchen. He had sprawled on a blanket in what was normally an anteroom of sorts in the jingshi. Jiang Cheng had covered him with a second blanket with a surprising amount of tenderness.

“How did you get through to him, second master Lan?” Jiang YanLi had asked in the quiet that followed. “We were so worried.”

Answering that question was not easy; he had not then been ready to admit his feelings to anyone but Wei Ying.

“I composed a guqin piece for him,” he finally said.

The smile Jiang YanLi had given him was knowing, and made it clear she was pleased and accepting of his intentions toward Wei Ying, though he knew he would still need to formally request permission of her and Jiang Cheng in the future if he wished to court him.

Jiang Cheng, thankfully, had not seemed to get the implication and just shook his head.

“He always was more musical than anyone else in the family. A-Niang hated that, wouldn’t let him play the dizi. Just another thing she decided to be awful about,” he had muttered angrily.

“‘An angry man is full of poison,’” XiChen had advised softly, quoting Confucius. “Your anger will not change her, only yourself.”

Jiang Cheng nodded, but his lips twisted.

“She wanted me to hate him. Kept pitting us against each other, comparing us. Still, I never thought she would…”

He shook his head, and Jiang YanLi squeezed his shoulder gently.

“Blood or not, a-Xian is our beloved brother,” she had said. “And she hates that. It may be unfilial, but we choose him.”

WangJi had insisted Jiang YanLi take the bed, as was appropriate. He settled in for the night beside Wei Ying, xiongzhang on his other side. Jiang Cheng slept on the other side of Wei Ying, sandwiching him between friendly bodies; if he woke from nightmares, he would not be alone.

But it had been WangJi who woke to hear Wei Ying’s soft whimpers and panting in his sleep, to see his furrowed brow and the fear and pain in his features, even asleep.

“Wei Ying,” he had whispered. “You’re safe.”

Wei Ying hadn’t stirred, but had curled toward his voice, wound up burrowed against his side, and let out a soft sigh, his brow relaxing as he fell deeper into sleep, away from the nightmare that had been plaguing him.

WangJi’s last thought before falling back to sleep had been that Wei Ying fit against his body like it was meant to be.

Shufu’s cup froze halfway to his mouth, but his expression was one of resignation. Xiongzhang simply looked pleased.

“He has been doing better these past weeks,” XiChen commented.

WangJi only nodded.

‘Better’ was the best descriptor. At times Wei Ying still seemed more absent than present, but the mind healers were able to speak with him more than they had before and seemed optimistic. He ate more, though he sometimes needed prompting or reminders of the food if he seemed to fade from reality. He was starting to look healthier.

“Sometimes,” Wei Ying had confessed after one of his fading episodes, “it’s like the world is too bright and loud.”

Even in the serenity of Cloud Recesses. The mind healers, he had said, told him his mind was protecting him when the world was too much for him, as it apparently had been for a full year after his near-death.

Wei Ying had, haltingly, started to play the dizi WangJi had bought him, sometimes losing himself in the music entirely. The battered dizi among his possessions, he explained, had belonged to his father, something he had left behind at Lotus Pier after eloping with his mother. Jiang FengMian had stored it away for his return, but instead Wei ChangZe and CangSe SanRen had died on a night hunt.

The dizi had been given to Wei Ying when he was found and brought to Lotus Pier, the only item he had of his parents’, but he had been banned from playing it by Yu ZiYuan. Instead he had hidden it away in his room.

Playing the dizi also often overwhelmed Wei Ying, leaving him beyond exhausted, the memories associated so fraught. WangJi had seen tears spill down his cheeks as he played more than once. But when WangJi mentioned the idea of attending music classes to learn GusuLan cultivation songs, he had smiled.

WangJi had set up a meeting with the instructor, Lan MingKai. Despite the rule against gossip, all of GusuLan knew what had happened at the Lotus Pier discussion conference. Normally this would be displeasing, but the result was not: Wei Ying was treated with kindness. Not only had the instructor been welcoming, he had even offered individual morning music lessons. Wei Ying was, in fact, attending a lesson while WangJi had tea with his brother and uncle.

Overall, Wei Ying was more present, more expressive—nothing like he had been before, but after so long without seeing him smile at all even the small ones were precious.

“Yes,” WangJi said. “It is gratifying.”

Shufu cleared his throat and took a sip of tea, setting down the cup before speaking.

“Why seek our approval, WangJi? Why not his siblings’?”

“Wei Ying is of GusuLan now,” he reminded softly; it was polite to seek sect approval. “I will seek their approval following yours.”

This explanation seemed to please shufu, who nodded, stroking his beard thoughtfully.

“It has been troubling to see Wei WuXian so… quiet,” he finally said. “I never thought I would say I prefer him more lively, but…”

In conversations over the last year, shufu had expressed concerns. He had seen people severely traumatized in the past, their personalities changed by pain. He had kept up with the mind healers and offered suggestions on activities WangJi could use to try to engage Wei Ying.

“There have been times the mind healers have not been able to help,” he finished after a moment. “I was becoming concerned this might be one of those cases.”

WangJi set down his teacup, afraid he might break it in reaction, his entire body clenching at the idea that Wei Ying could die.

Shufu watched him, something in his face softening.

“He will still need help in his continued recovery, WangJi. And he may never recover fully.”

“I wish to be by his side regardless,” he stated, and his voice came out hoarse.

Xiongzhang placed his hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently as though to soothe.

“You have my blessing, WangJi. You always have.”

WangJi almost smiled at that, remembering how XiChen had pushed him to form a friendship with Wei Ying, how he had resisted. He hadn’t known how to handle his burgeoning emotions, had been afraid of them. Xiongzhang had known long before he himself had.

“You have mine as well,” shufu added. “A marriage would make GusuLan’s acceptance of Wei WuXian more concrete and indisputable.”

XiChen nodded, looking thoughtful.

“After what he has been through, and what I have heard of his childhood from Jiang WanYin, that stability would likely help him heal.”

WangJi resisted his immediate urge to ask after that information, but if Jiang Cheng wanted it known to him, it would be. He refused to violate Wei Ying’s privacy by asking others or even him. If Wei Ying wished him to know, he would tell him.

Shufu interrupted his thoughts.

“WangJi, you need never fear he will face ill treatment here. No physical punishment. No seclusion. He will not be turned out. He has suffered enough.”

Tension WangJi hadn’t known he’d been carrying eased all at once, the fear that Wei Ying would, once healed, face these punishments and, if they were married, be subject to the same treatment his mother had suffered... The last thing he wanted to do was add to the trauma Wei Ying had already been subjected to by making him a prisoner. He had already watched him nearly die and then wither away into almost a ghost once; he refused to do it again.

“Thank you, shufu.”

“He may have a penchant for… antics,” shufu continued. “But none of them have been harmful. They’re simple pranks, nothing worth what he has suffered.”

Silence fell between them, and WangJi did his best not to remember mud-caked pale skin and blue lips, the gurgling gasp of Wei Ying’s desperate breaths under Jiang YanLi’s screams. He feared if he closed his eyes, that would be all he would see, not the gentle whorls of the dark table, the condensation on the teapot, not the steam rising from its spout.

They had been among the first to respond to Jiang YanLi’s screams for help, having happened to be nearby at the time. Shufu, having the best knowledge among them of healing, had not hesitated to dirty his robe in the mud, passing qi to Wei Ying as he lay bleeding from his nose, eyes, ears, coughing up blood and river water, dangerously close to qi deviation after his desperate and dangerous use of his spiritual energy to free himself.

Shufu had ordered xiongzhang to get help, ordered WangJi to help him, clearly knowing WangJi would refuse to leave if asked. Wei Ying had moaned in pain when shufu turned him onto his side, and that was when they saw the tears in the back his clothing that left him almost naked, the blood seeping from lash marks, had noticed the bruising on his face and neck, the bloody fingers that curled in the mud as though seeking something to hold onto.

WangJi had removed the outermost layer of his robe to drape over him, to preserve his dignity in front of the array of faces that were coming to investigate Jiang YanLi’s screams. He had taken his hand then, had watched Wei Ying, eyes wide and terrified, try to focus on him, saw him mouth his name. All he could do was assure him he was there and keep holding his hand when Wen Qing arrived and started snapping orders to everyone.

“It probably helps that he has never gone near your beard,” xiongzhang commented, his tone almost forcibly light, an attempt to dispel the tension.

Shufu seemed to shake himself, as though dispelling the same memories haunting WangJi, or memories of his own.

“CangSe SanRen probably considered her crowning prank the time she shaved my beard while I slept,” shufu said, his voice almost fond. “I rather hope he doesn’t attempt that.”

WangJi hesitated before speaking.

“Wei Ying knows very little about his parents,” he said softly. “He would probably appreciate any stories of his mother you would tell him.”

After a moment of hesitation, shufu nodded.

“She was a very bright person,” he murmured. “Much like Wei WuXian was, before.”

His countenance had a sort of sorrow to it, and WangJi wondered if Lan QiRen, like Jiang FengMian and others of his generation, had also loved CangSe SanRen. Whether she had upended him like Wei Ying had upended WangJi. Or perhaps shufu felt the loss of Wei Ying’s light, and it reminded him of her death.

“Tell him I will speak to him, when he is ready,” shufu said.

WangJi wondered if shufu was ready, but he held his tongue. That his uncle was thinking of Wei Ying’s condition, letting Wei Ying decide if and when he was ready to learn more about his mother, was a kindness. He was still recovering from the damage his adoptive mother, however much she didn’t deserve and had refused the title, had done to him.

“I will let him know.”

They pause to sip at the cooling tea, to enjoy the breeze coming in through the window and the sound of the windchimes gently clinking beyond, the peace of a morning in Cloud Recesses.

“Please also let young master Wei know that he is not required to invent talismans so regularly,” xiongzhang said as he poured more tea. “His recovery comes first. And he need not feel he owes GusuLan for offering sanctuary.”

“Not simply sanctuary,” shufu clarified. “Wei WuXian is a GusuLan disciple, should he wish to be. He need not offer compensation for his care.”

WangJi frowned, considering all that had occurred. Certainly, shufu’s words to Madam Yu had made Wei Ying’s welcome clear, but he didn’t know that Wei Ying had been capable of listening then, so soon after his near death and in the midst of insults and verbal abuse. The announcement of such so publicly at the discussion conference meant that Wei Ying’s status as a GusuLan disciple was known to the cultivation world.

But it didn’t necessarily follow that it was known to Wei Ying.

“Has Wei Ying been informed? Formally invited?”

He watched as his uncle and brother had a silent conversation that left them both looking abashed, and knew this was something that had been lost in the chaos of what had happened, had somehow not been noticed in the last year, an oversight.

“I will speak with him,” xiongzhang insisted. “He already wears GusuLan robes, so we thought…”

“He wears them because they are white,” WangJi reminded him. “He grieves still. I gave him blue robes, and he has not worn them.”

Shufu frowned, his expression almost pinched, close to a wince. XiChen closed his eyes, as he always did when overwhelmed by emotion. WangJi felt the same guilt they did; it had been a year, and none of them had clarified his welcome, too focused on his dissociation with the world, his healing, when this information could have aided in his recovery. None of them had clarified that this was his home.

“I will have a forehead ribbon prepared as well,” shufu said. “We will present it to him, and apologize for the delay.”

“Perhaps you should also make sure his siblings are aware,” WangJi said gently.

Shufu actually winced, which told him the issue had also not been discussed with them, either. WangJi wondered if the Jiang siblings had realized Wei Ying would stay at Cloud Recesses, or if they had planned to follow Wei Ying wherever he went after Gusu.

“I would recommend speaking to them first,” WangJi advised. “Perhaps before I ask about courtship, so they do not assume the two are related.”

“Or dependent,” xiongzhang murmured, as though he had read WangJi’s mind. “We owe them a tremendous apology. After what nearly happened… they’ve feared for his future all this time. It must be one of the reasons they’ve stayed.”

They had many, WangJi knew, and he was certain both XiChen and shufu knew as well. The biggest one was the lady of Lotus Pier, who may have given birth to both of them but could clearly not be trusted.

“We will rectify this,” shufu assured him. “Wei WuXian is of GusuLan.”

“And when he is ready to stop wearing white, that can certainly be accommodated,” xiongzhang added. “He seemed rather fond of black and red, as I recall.”

Shufu twitched but did not protest.

The bell indicating si shi rang, and WangJi rose, bowing properly to his brother and uncle. It was time to collect Wei Ying from his lesson.

41 notes · View notes