#what im actually doing is struggling to draw
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lil guy and big ouppy form
#working on reference sheets. again#well kinda#what im actually doing is struggling to draw#but yall know how it is it'll pass... eventually
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the dialogue choices in this game should be more diabolical
#i love akechi but i sometimes i wish you could bully him like no matter which dialogue u pick it sounds like ur flirting back w him#“i'm going to be completely honest with you. i've always hated you” why can't u say smt unserious back#like “sorry i have a snatched waist and correct opinions on everything.” or like “ur loss lmao”#hate playing darts with this bitch bc i play on a steamdeck and i don't have a fucking gyroscope so like#it's trying to replicate how the joycons or pro controller would throw AND ITS SUCKS SO BAD#like i just see akechi get a hat trick every single fucking time with three bulls in a row and meanwhile im struggling to line the thing up#and then after u finish he's like “hmm i see. that's an interesting way to play it” WHAT THE FUCK THERES LITERALLY NO STRATEGY HERE SMARTAS#I JUST MISSED. IM NOT STRATEGIZING. THERES NOTHING “INTERESTING” ABOUT IT.#i hate going to penguin snipers so much i hope i can get this stupid game on switch so i can actually rank up akechi's baton pass#and not waste like 1000 yen every night bc i refuse to not let a party member be on rank 3#akechi fuck yourself why can't we play 501 like we do with everyone else. why do u have to make everything abt this stupid rivalry#im gonna kms i hate akeci and i hate darts#persona 5#persona 5 royal#p5#p5r#goro akechi#ren amamiya#akira kurusu#shuake#akeshu#lotus draws
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daucus carota
#landscape#digital art#speedpaint#study#digital painting#hey so theres a few things not quite right with me :)#one of them being my insane perfectionism#and the other day i realised#theres so many weird rules in my brain that im barely even aware of#im stopping myself from painting things i would like to paint because theyre... too easy???#and like anything that isnt a struggle is worthless apparently#but guess what friends :))))))#its actually Allowed to do something that is fun and easy#wild right?#wow#anyway heres this dune landscape that i churned out in under an hour not bc that is easy but bc im really good at drawing lol#featuring my favourite flower#queen anne's lace
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Bribed with Chocolate. The way it should be.
Part 22 || First || Previous || Next
--Full Series--
More to come as this is a two-parter. But you know how I am with schedules.
Bonus:
I think this was an equally possible reaction from Chara.
#Chara and Azzy have another talk#Finally Chara shows their mischievous side.#and Azzy knows Chara's language well#my art#deltarune chara timeline#art#bread#deltarune#ngl im so happy with how that chocolate shake came out. I want to eat it so bad#yay 6 pages of taking :') i hope you guys like that lmao#Glad I got this one done in basically a month and a week! Hah. I'm trying me best :') Halloween.. Exams and a ton of other things came up#surprisingly these backgrounds weren't terrible to do... I mean took more than two hours but you know what I mean#i struggled with how to frame the background though. I actually liked drawing it. But because both the background and my characters--#--are super colorful I have to make sure I don't muddle the whole page.#Ive been thinking of doing the overworld in black and white recently... may help me actually finish the comic lol. idk i may make a poll#gonna try and get the new part out in maybe a month again? sorry. Thanksgiving and Christmas get me exhausted.
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heeyyy gaaanggg
the pose and the background of the album version (left) are based on oingo boingos only a lad album art. not cause i think he has anything to do with it but just cause ive been wantin to draw that pose for like. weeks and i didnt know who to put there. so why not my latest bug man.
#my art#digital art#digital painting#fanart#resident evil 7#ethan winters#goddd PLEAAASEEEE#i havent known if i was gonna post this or not multiple times in the process of drawin this. but ultimately i spent too much time on it to#NOT post it. embarrassment be damned#but at the same time what am i even doin yknow. what is this what is goin on pleaaseee PLEASEEEEE#I DONT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT RESIDENT EVIL!!! I DONT KNOW N O T H I NG I KNOW LESS THAN NOTHING#HOW?? HOW DID I GET HERE??? WHY DID THIS HAPPEN???? i know exactly the answer to all those questions but it still boggles me how fast this#happened. usually it takes WEEKS if not MONTHS for me to start makin fanart. this was faaasttttt TOO FAST and im like. genuinely constantly#thinkin about this game. im ALWAYS thinkin about this game. part of why this took me so long to do is cause i always wanna play re7 or thin#about re7 in a strange and deranged way. ive actually genuinely been SICK WHAT HAPPENEDDDDDD#im losing it!! anyways this took me a looonggg ass time and i redrew it soo many timmmessss#i did like. 3 lineart passes. the album version i did 3 shading passes. i really struggled!! and ultimately i dont know how i feel about it#like i kinda resent it. for takin so long and makin me suffer so much#never again. never again will i spend that much time on a drawing. i HATE when drawins take a long time. i HATE that. it makes me madddd#ive been insane. ive been so insane. and im not gettin better like i cant sleep sometimes cause im thinkin about this game and this guy and#that gal like i think about them!! so! so much!! oh my god!!#in the time it took me to finish this ive done like 10 sketches for other pieces like. and ive had like 3 ideas ive written down.#and like 50 that i havent written or sketched.#IVE WRITTEN POETRY!! P O E T R Y !!!#i write the occasional poem when im feelin some kinda profound emotion but i NEVER write poetry about media SOBBING#anyways thats the post i think this is the beginnin of the end so lets hold hands and pray. ugh sorry if i get sick. im shakin.
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Thh crew save me Thh crew....
I wanted to post drawings + some headcannons of all of them at the same time but that's taking too damn long so I'm doing it in parts instead
#danganronpa#trigger happy havoc#dr thh#sayaka maizono#junko enoshima#mukuro ikusaba#mukuro ikusaba. the 16th student laying hidden somewhere within the school. the one they call the ultimate despair... watch out for her#drawing#art#my art#i guess ill do two at a time#fuck you devs im giving my girl camo pants#rotc kid looking aahhh i love her (she's an actual child soldier and a mass terrorist)#junko is an enigma to me#you can say she's any sexuality/ gender and i would agree with you#got hit with transfem sayaka and i haven't looked back since#sayakas sexuality is something i keep changing my mind about#right now I'm on pan#idk maybe sayaka is struggling with this as well lmao#“no no no im absolutely straight.....” sees a really hot girl#“.....nvm I'm TOTALLY a lesbian........OHHH BUT WHAT IF IM BI???????”#“But there ARE some non binary people i would date.... oh god what am i supposed to do......”#and then her manager pops in like “Maizono honey your shows in 30 minutes.” and Sayakas just like:#'well time to put that back in the box! I'll figure it out later!'#(she doesn't.)#wow this was a RAMBLE lmaoooo
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I TRIED TO DRAW BADLY ON PURPOSE TO GET LIKE A MABEL-Y STYLE AND ITS FUCKING BETTER THAN THE ACTUAL ART IVE BEEN DOING RECENTLY NOO
MY CAREER IS OVER
I DONT HAVE A CAREER
#gravity falls#gf#gf fanart#gravity falls fanart#gf mabel#gravity falls mabel#mabel pines#mabel gravity falls#mabel pines gravity falls#fun fact: those are all actual crayola colors#im dedicated what can i say#how did i do the hair so effortlessly i always struggle with it oh my GOD dude#this is bullshit#connor draws
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preparation
#i don't feel particularly strong about them now but back then i REALLY REALLY want to pair them together#they/them hunters#i think i just dragged my ideas about them for too long tbh i even wanted them to fu#i. i mean. have fun. hunting#why do i wanna draw r34 for literally every character i see what the actual fuck#oh i know why#ramble time#i fucked up my meeting and i am even more depressed than ever and i was struggling between drawing more tyrael r34 or finish this sketch#idk if i'll spam drawing later but theres one thing i know#im gonna buy fried chicken for night snack#thats it this is tumblr tbh i should've been complaining about my life on plurk instead#okay i guess i already did that this whole fucking day but apparently that's not enough#i have zero stress resistance#apex legends#apex bloodhound#bloodhound#bloodhound apex#borderlands 3#fl4k#borderlands fl4k#my art
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oo u want 2 draw soo bad..
#i hate that my ability to draw is so conditional#its soo frustrating but i dont know how to break it. this has been the one thing thats never changed.ill never be free#times like rn i just do studies but its soo fking BORINGGG euuhh...#but if i try 2 draw something for funsies i just stare at the blank canvas. literally immobile. & u know how people r like just draw#something anyways. a line. something. and its like no i cant do that oi cant even do that u underestimate my freak#i want 2attack myself from the pov of someone else#i think im having the realization tht i will never be able to do art stuff frls and its driving me crazy i think.#like im actually sick and unwell frm the thought of it.my friend commissioned me and im ab 2 send the money back#after two weeks bc i cant do it im literally frozen dude.i want 2 cry and die and explode into a million pieces#wait im back to add more.idk if anyone feels the same way but its like. i know its entirely a Me issue its a mental block issue#theres something thats not connecting in my head but its like.why is it so easy for everyone else ykwim...and thats a lie too right#like everyone else struggles w art and its not.it cant exist Without you struggling and practicing hard and trusting yourself#but in my brain im just convinced that like.i cant do this i cant do this like everyone else can do it like second nature and it freaks me#tf out#but also its the one thing i want to do more than anything else in my life and so like if i cant do it i dont know what to do.ughh.#not me freaking the fuck out rn lawl.lols.even#and on top of it i feel like i cant express myself well and i think my friend. < SOOO awesome and well meaning and NICE and legitimately#pushing me to try and believe that i can do this stuff but i feel like they wont understand the sort of like.mental block im struggling wit#like its less that i hate my art or something i dont its more like.i just feel soo physically restrained and incapable of doing it.suddenly#i cant think and i cant do anything.i have no creativity i have no ideas my mind is quite literally blank and empty
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tumblr said draw something bad so I did but I'm mad I still didn't feel anything
#man i started tagging this and i cant even bring myself to do it. hashtag art hashtag illustration hashtag capitalism.#sorry to be sadposting... tumblr is the only place i can admit ive actually been really really struggling with my love for art...#i should be grateful. i should be thankful for the fact that i can do art as my job. i shouldnt be whining about it like this.#but theres a hole in my soul where my joy for creating used to be and i dont know how to fix it. i want to love to draw again.#its been like this for probably over a year now and i dont know what to do. i cant abandon everything ive been working on for 7 years.#im also unemployable. so its not like i would dare to quit moonlume...but i just want to find joy in it again...#but capitalism has dug its wretched claws into my skull so badly that everything has been feeling incredibly soulless. i hate it.#anyway. might delete this later. its unprofessional but this is the one website where i can let go of professionalism for 5min and be human.#i dont hate what i do and i really am thankful..i just i wish i wasnt so stressed about making everything look good and perfect and sellable#but at this point its subconsciously connected to my survival that every time i think about drawing i stress myself out before i even start#ugh idk. neither here nor there. cant quit but dont feel connected to my work but cant change what i do or i will alienate my audience 👍
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Also forgot to share this beauty i drew a few days ago
#localgardenweed#the weed is rambling#hetalia#hws#hetalia japan#hws japan#i need him carnally#what who said that#who said that#i just like giggle and tee hee#I drew this during class and idk why i felt sorta embarrassed cause i always worry i come of as one of *those* people when it comes to japan#like i know its not that deep but ive always been paranoid about itNOOOO NOOO GUYS WAIT NO#IM NOT THOSE ‘OH SUGOI JAPAN IS SO PERFECT AND HEAVEN THEY ARE SO ADVANCED AND I JUST WANNA BE JAPANESE’ NO NO NOOOOOOOO#IM JUST A GIRL WHO JUST LIKES A MANNWHO HAPPENS TO BE THE PERSONIFICATION OF JAPAN HIMSELF#IDK WHY IM SO FREAKED OUT OVER IT CAUSE LIKE#HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO TELL ANY NORMAL PERSON I HAVE A CRUSH ON HETALIA WORLD STARS JAPAN#I SOUND CRAZY#I AM CRAZY#anyway i do love drawing him and i wanna still figure out how to actually draw his body cause i end up making him super twinky#half my drawings kinda do anyway cause i struggle at widening shoulders and chests but I WILL NOT LET HIM BE A TWINK#In my mind he is a upside down triangle ontop of a rectangle like broad shoulders and then the rest of his body is hust a straight shot down#i think mostly his clothes give him different shape languages like seen here like his oants flare out so like its kinda hourglassy#anyway imma shut up now i must attend to my duties
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happy late halloween !:]
My ramblings/thought process down below (warning: it's a lot)
so yes this is based of a type of- normal(more or less) au (bc i kinda didn't want to draw their robotics with costumes and the halloween theme in warframe's lore didn't quite fit haha,,,)
I based the entire thing surrounding Eudico, Zuud and Legs/Thursby (?) with how I envisioned halloween to go for the 3 of them since they are a little family, so here are my thoughts:
Eudico takes care of Legs' costume and gives 0 shits about her own until Zuud comes along and pushes her to put on something for the little guy (since- you know, she is the one that goes out with Legs for trick or treating! can't go without a costume, right? right?? come on put something for the kid!)
It works, obviously
But Eudico's costume is super last minute and there's just a pair of silly animal ears and we are also left with Zuud's artistic skills-- -- ...and there we go you have your costume (guess who's enduring having their face painted with silly whiskers)
Zuud's ''costume'' just relies on Legs' bandages that were left for his costume and she's happy to be matching with him, it's a little bonding time they have
This is, obviously SUPER self indulgent, I just love them a lot and wanted to see them happy with heavy based silly (and probably ooc) hcs based on this au--- still, I had fun! I just love them a ton
Okay that's it byeee:]
#no Eudico could not go matching with Legs i wanted HER with the silly ears okay#actually i wanted to give Zuud another costume but i was running out of time and i didnt know what to do so-#Zuud was the most time consuming omg i could NOT remember how to draw her vibes#normal tags now haha#eudico#rude zuud#legs#warframe#fanart#warframe spoilers#i mean i think#if you read EVERYTHING im SO sorry but SO thankful tysm ilyyy#i struggled posting this i've never posted a ramble this long
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fanart is so hard to draw. stupid characters having stupid details that are out of my stupid comfort zone AAAAAGH
#ITS A STRUGGLE#at least pretty much everything is stuff i already wanted to learn but had just been putting off for whatever reason (procrastination) but#first cotl making me draw furries. and then animal crossing making them more complicated (tom nook's nose confused me)#then gravity falls making me draw old people. and now in dbh i am facing the struggle of Markus's subtle facial hair because i cant get away#with just doing a gradient that goes halfway up the face like i did with gravity falls. because it wouldn't look right trust me ive already#tried out of sheer desperation it was horrible#AGH#and then theres the whole thing of translating other styles into yours. especially when thise styles have vastly different levels of detail#compared to yours so you have to decide what kind of details to add and what kind of details to get rid of and AAAAGHHGHHH#also dbh characters having no bangs. most of them anyway#PLEASE bangs are the only thing that can hide how bad i am at hairlines!!!!!!!!#but at least that part is easy to learn. i can draw connor. hes the easiest dbh character to draw probably#hank seems like he'll have easier facial hair than Markus considering hes got an actual beard and also the fact that i will be a lot less#scared if making him look old because well. he is old#i mean hes only the same age as my dad but like..#he looks old. all his hair is gray. unlike my dad. only half my dads hair is gray#anyways point is im grateful for how much drawing characters that are Not Mine has improved my art but its so difficult#i need to draw my ocs...... and then I'll get back to Markus#i say that as if i haven't been drawimg my ocs all day anyways#rambling in the tags#artist
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I'm sick so I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense, but I've been thinking about the nature of myths recently as I've been exploring hellenic polytheism.
For context: I'm ex-Mormon. I was raised in the church and, because of that, was taught biblical literalism but in, like, a more subtle way than most? I was raised believing that Adam & Eve and Noah's Ark, etc., were literally true, but that the story of Job specifically was not; I also always knew evolution and the Big Bang to be correct, despite there being a verse in the Doctrine & Covenants (a Mormon-specific religious book) where God apparently told Joseph Smith that the world is 6,000 years old- a passage I didn't know existed until my senior year of high school. I didn't realize I had believed in biblical literalism until I'd left the church, actually.
Now that I'm aware of it, it's a mindset I'm actively trying to combat while I explore Hellenic polytheism. It's definitely been a task to separate the nature of the Gods from their myths, as brutal as they often are. And it's something I've noticed within the community, too, which I think is interesting. It makes sense: Christianity, at least, has had a chokehold on much of the world for a long time, and so many of us have experienced literalism as our first interaction with any sort of holy text (though, of course, Greek myths as a whole aren't that) alongside our first experience with divinity as a wrathful God whose flaws are waved away, or ignored, or twisted into positive attributes. This also means that I'm trying to re-approach several deities with an open mind (Zeus, Hera, and Ares in particular, but many of them to some extent) while also trying to un-condition myself. I was already in the process of doing this, of course, but trying to figure out how to interact with a completely different pantheon has made that especially clear.
It extends to things like prayer and offerings, too. Prayers were very formulaic growing up, even though most of the time there wasn't a strict script to follow. There was always something you ask as part of the prayer, even if it's just 'please help me do better tomorrow' (alongside giving thanks, of course), so trying to craft a prayer without adding *everything* I'm used to including in makes it feel incomplete and, therefore, disrespectful. And daily prayer is something I'm resistant to because of prior experiences with it. I don't want to offend any of the gods by asking for something or asking for too much, especially so early on, and there's always a promised offering the few times I *have* asked. Add worries about exact obedience on top of that and it's proving to be a difficult thing to untangle. And I know that the gods are difficult to offend, figuring out how to do this takes trial & error and that's okay, it'll get better the more I do it, etc., etc.; this is more an issue with my own overthinking than anything else (hooray for ✨ mental health issues ✨). I'm not really asking for advice here, necessarily, just thinking out loud because I'm not comfortable talking to people in meat space about it yet.
#also: the whole thing about cleanliness? as someone w/ mental health issues? Rough. very rough. what counts? how individualized is it?#if i cant get my room (where my shrines are/will be) clean does that mean i cant give any offerings?#is just washing my hands and/or veiling actually okay most of the time? even when ive been struggling to shower?#when does something require a change of clothes? or do i have to do that every time i offer something at any point in the day?#including meal/drink (ex steam from tea) offerings? i dont have that many clothes besties#if im pouring out an offering to hermes on my way home from work do i have to somehow wash my hands first b/c i just got off public transit#can i pour it directly from my water bottle or do i have to keep a little separate bottle of water just for libations?#and like. i know logically the answer is 'do whatever you can and you'll figure it out' but it hasnt sunk in yet#it's always...interesting when a new layer of religious trauma tm gets discovered#also. maybe it's just the 'tism but 'just jump in!' and 'go slow at the beginning' seem contradictory to me#like. you cant do both??? i dont think??? 'just jump in' is the answer ive been getting when i do tarot so im trying to do that#also. doubts? not offending a deity??? wild concept. just. the hardest thing to wrap my head around. mormon god's ego is FRAGILE fr#hellenic pagan#helpol#hellenic polytheism#not adding exmo tags b/c i dont have a good enough handle on the community here & im too sick to deal with people being weird about this#my post#coriander says#seeing people get into the theological weeds is cool from the outside (see: that 'can spiderman do superhero stuff on the sabbath' post)#but very stressful when there's not centuries on centuries of detailed information to draw from & everyone's just trying to figure shit out#in a world that's *very* different from the one the information we *do* have was written down in#christianity cw#mormonism cw
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I think they like to play card games sometimes. Often they drag in others to supsrvise for cheating. (it won't stop them from cheating but it means they've gotta work harder to be sneaky about it and that just adds to the fun!) Cheated has a score-count for everybody. for every different game they play. him vs opportunist. him vs cold. the whole group playing. contrarian is often banned for bringing other card games to the table. he also never gets to supervise despite often asking to. Hero volunteers to supervise a lot but often doesn't catch the cheating so he's denied the role. Cheated, skeptic, opportunist and cold are the best. Broken is also surprisingly good sometimes. Even when he has the best hand he worries he'll screw it up somehow, and his downer attitude tends to convince the others he's gonna lose too. erm thats all i think
i just know these two have the potential to end up breaking into a fight over their silly card games. After cold left and the two eventually got tired of their games and went their separate ways opportunist stuck his leg out so cheated could trip over. they push each other down the stairs, maybe.
#i dont know anything about poker#beaks are forever the bane of my existence#opportunist is Always ready to cheat but cold sees no point calling him out on it unless he actually does it#i know they play other games too#cheated has been caught off-guard by broken pulling out a good hand too many times he's started to catch on#i started this months ago#i only just finished it now#i love these birds though#i miss the narrator#i hope to draw these guys more but its so hard im shaking the bars of my cage chewing at them#what do you do when youre an immortal entity?#play card games i guess#cheated and opportunist both have specially decorated decks#ive got more drawings i should make for this fandom but it is a Struggle.#regardless i hope u guys have fun with the silly birds and princesses !!!#slay the princess#stp fan art#voice of the cheated#voice of the opportunist#voice of the cold#these are just headcanons ok believe what u will. have fun. take care <3
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you're kidding me. mike is doing TEN TIMES WORSE than the season's Designated Trauma Character. what if i blew up the sun
#is mike wheeler fucking okay#st#joyce is worried about will having two incidents#MIKE HAS TWENTY#I was talking about this scene the other day and all I remembered was that karen lists off 4 things mike did#which is a question of how recent they are or how long they've been ignoring it to bombard him with all at once#stealing from nancy. swearing at a teacher. plagiarising an essay. drawing graffiti in the bathroom at school#AND THEN HIS PARENTS FOLLOW UP WITH#THAT ISN'T EVEN EVERYTHING#NOT EVEN CLOSE#THIS IS FREQUENT AND UNSURPRISING AND THEIR ATTEMPTS TO CURB THIS BEHAVIOUR ARE HAVING NO EFFECT#the wheelers doing what joyce thinks is bullshit btw. ignoring the problem. letting the traumatised child continue as is without support#IS MIKE WHEELER OKAY!!!!!!!!!#CAN SOMEONE TAKE CARE OF THIS CHILD PLEASE#IM SO CONCERNED#wait okay they've got me doing maths again..... will's 2 is for the month and mike's 20 is for the year#which is probably bc joyce and jonathan actually try to talk about the problem so it can be separated out into 10 sets of 2#which makes the problem smaller and manageable#meanwhile the wheelers probably ignored mike's issues for the entire year until it built up to TWENTY! TWENTY!!!!!! THAT IS SO MANY#and ofc nancy's still in her conformity era with steve so they don't even know she's struggling#she's gonna go cry in the bathroom in a second and then come back to dinner with barb's parents like nothing happened
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