#what if they both died with their mom
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i love robin so much i miss her so much. i admire her character so much shes so resilient and beautiful everything about her is so admirable. shes literallt everything to me im so sick in the head rn
#she cares so much#she persevered shes the one flykng free (GETS SHOT)#the entire representation of their shared dream in its purest most beautiful state#GOPHER WOOD WHEN I CATCH YOU GOPHER WOOD#so many what ifs in their dynamic#what if their mom never died what if there was never a disaster#what if anyone but gopher wood took them in#what if if it was robin who gopher wood 'took under his wing'#what if they both died with their mom#what if whag if what IF#im sick#minnie post
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"She's [Wanda] not my mom. I have a mom."
WE RESPECT REBECCA KAPLAN IN THIS HOUSE! I TOLD Y'ALL! THAT IS HIS MOM!
#they're BOTH his mom. cus hes BOTH Billy Maximoff and William Kaplan#rebecca kaplan#billy kaplan#agatha all along#agatha harkness#marvel characters#mcu#batcavescolony watches#batcavescolony watches agatha all along#PUT SOME RESPECT ON THE KAPLANS#bIllY uSeD aNd lIeD tO thEm#hE iSnT wILLiaM#iTs sO sAd WiLLiAm dIeD wItH oUt aNyOnE kNoWinG#HE DIDNT! he still is William Kaplan! he lived with them FOR THREE YEARS! hes not fully Billy or William hes both.#wanda maximoff#william kaplan#billy maximoff#what did i tell yall!#marvel#agatha spoilers#agatha all along spoilers
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Originally, Bruce and Dick slept in the same bed.
I like to twist this around: Bruce, being a young parent, was VERY protective and worried about his boy who wants to go fight criminals with him, and it translated into him refusing to let Dick leave his side after difficult nights. Dick is hurt? He is sleeping in Bruce's bed. Dick isn't hurt but it was a close call? He is sleeping in Bruce's bed. Bruce just got scared but Dick was fine? He is sleeping in Bruce's bed. Dick is scared? He is sleeping in Bruce's bed. Of course, this led to Dick also refusing to leave Bruce's side when Bruce gets hurt or could have been hurt, so he also sleeps in Bruce's bed on these nights. And, as he grew up in a circus, always moving around, he is used to sleeping in his parents' arms or very close by, so it's normal for him.
So, Dick is often sleeping in Bruce's bed, cuddled up to Bruce. And as he grows up, he sleeps less and less in Bruce's arms, and he supports less and less Bruce's suffocating anxiety. Finally, he stops completely.
Some events make him wants to crawl back in his dad's bed (his multiple SA, the destruction of Bludhaven, the multiple times he thought Bruce died, etc...), but he never dares to. He is an adult now, and he fears Bruce would have a problem with it. Bruce is also not that welcoming toward physical affection since Jason's death (something Cass fixes, but that's another story). So, Dick doesn’t, even when he craves to.
Until Bruce is send back in time and believed dead. When he comes back, Dick just cannot stop himself, he needs to hold his dad, and he is so afraid Bruce will dissappear if he isn't touching him. He is holding him all evening long, and when it's time for bed, Bruce wordlessly goes to sleep holding Dick with one arm, the other around Tim. (Damian isn't close enough to Bruce yet to dare come sleep with them, Cass is in Hong-Kong, but she is jumping on a plane and will join the sleep-cuddle pile, Jason isn't back in the batfam yet but the possibility of losing Bruce scared him so bad, he is going to start to make efforts to not be on bad terms with them)
#bruce wayne#batman#dick grayson#robin#nightwing#batfam#dc comics#my ramblings#Jason also needed to sleep with Bruce anytime Bruce got hurt because it reminded him of his mom#and he was scared Bruce would die if he looked away#but Bruce had calmed down after his fight with Dick and wasn't making Jason sleep with him anytime he got scared#Bruce is a good dad but that doesn't mean he is perfect he is flawed#and I believed his fight with Dick is inevitable and important for both their character development#anyway about Cass she is very touch starve in Batgirl and JUST WANT A HUG FROM HER DAD like all her life she just wanted to be hugged#but only ever got training and violence growing up#so the moment Bruce shows her he will give her affection and hugs? she is hugging that man so much#and because she reads people so easily she knows he loves it and never hesitates to just jump on him for a hug#Let's go back to Jason he has a breakdown after battle for the cowl because he realizes his dad is GONE#when he sees Bruce again he is ugly crying behind the hood and he punches him to see if he's real#then he runs away because he isn’t ready to face his feelings#okay I need to stop talking about my batman canon#Dick as a kid: *scraps his knee* Bruce: *refusing to let go of him* What if it gets infected and HE DIES?!
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so with echoes of wisdom .. i havent watched any of the trailers beyond the very first one and the thumbnails/screenshots and what others have said about it-
but with the world inside the rift being called "Welt des Nichts" aka "world of nothing/void" in german ('still' in english, for some reason) and demises title in french being "avatar of nothing" ... yeah my anxiety is shooting through the roof again
(hopefully you can be a little more forgiving for me being anxious/weird about it bc demise is my blorbo)
i had similar worries with totk, that werent proven true thankfully, but the darn book is making it all worse again with all those weird lore things the game doesnt even so much as hint at AND potential retcons- im in for a really rough time huh, not just stress in real life (more in tags.. its alot) but now about my specific hyperfixation from two things even (AND artblock still..)
weird as it may sound, i dont want demise to get more lore, partly bc i dont believe theyd do anything with him that i would like (given their track record) but much more importantly- the fact that he has this little lore about him is precisely one of the reasons why i fell in love with him, i tend to like characters that are neglected by the narrative, and his story being both so flat and already done meant i can be very creative with what i come up with for him without necessarily contradicting anything in canon (which is ... or was a big point of how i wrote destiny's story and lore, working with canon in a way that reframes it all without straight up ignoring it ... but i suppose i urgently need to let go of that and accept i spend alot of time working things that will go to waste :( ) AND not having to worry that there will be more stuff with him that would massively change not only what im writing but also potentially how i feel about him since the game he was briefly in was the oldest chronologically and ended with his death- i didnt expect them to mess with anything that far back and thought theyd just go forward and leave the timeline behind and wouldnt mess with it again, given how botw seemed to be a sort of 'fresh start' that seemingly regarded the past as the past that needs to rest and that the timeline was finally no longer a discussion if everythings unified through botw and one thing going forward
but i suppose i was very wrong with that .__.
right now the only thing that motivates me still is the left over determination and spite to work on my zelda comic, since i have never gotten this far and really want to get something done for once, but i cant lie that im feeling like i should pause all work on it too to wait and see waht the book and the new game will do .. either to determine if i still have the will to keep working on it after those things are out (my love for tloz has been taking alot of hits lately ..) or if i have to change stuff (mostly bc of my lore problem trying to not ignore it ..)
#ganondoodles talks#zelda#ganondoodles rants#sorta#suicide attempt mention in the IRL stuff im talking about in the following tags btw#theres some construction stuff on our house going on#and my father is extremely stressed about it#he used to be very explosive- being silent and then exploding out of nowhere .. probably left me with lasting damage yippie-#but now he much more lets it eat at himself bc hes old and feels bad for the past stuff so now it makes him irritated and depressed#my older brother is the most normal cis straight guy you can imagine and incredibly impatient and bossy (you CANNOT talk with him)#(brother doesnt live in our house)#and while hes helping out hes doing it exactly how my father doesnt like and since you cant talk to the guy (explosive +200) it stresses hi#to the point of my father yesterday saying that “it would have been better if i had just died back in the day”#likely referring to the time when he was drafted for the military against his will and tried to kill himself#which i learned only like .. a year ago- theres so little my parents tell me ....#its like my mother telling me- while my father was in hospital for heart surgery- that she not only almost died back when i was a young tee#and only survived bc of some incredibly unebelievable lucky coincidences (medics on a travel being there that knew what she had-#-while our local doctors said welp- nothing we can do lady AND them beign there with a helicopter and emergency transferring her#to antoher bigger hospital while giving her immediate treatment our local one didnt do- AND at the big one just so happened to have-#-an expert on that illness in the facility when she arrived who was able to narrrowly save her life#BUT ALSO while she was recovering and weak and frail as a dust bunny witnessing someone stealing hospital surplies-#not noticing she was in the room at first (which .. the nurses left her in the nurse room while going on break ... which uhm .. yeah cool)#and if my mother hadnt acted in time like she was fully asleep and the lady stealing stuff beign in hurry- she might have killed her#without my mother being able to fight back bc she could barely even talk (the nurses didnt want to believe her when they got back either)#ANYWAY that comment from my father brough me to tears#and my mom is trying out more ... other medication shes not prescribed in hopes of it helping agaisnt her many pains#but i worry it will interact with the other stuff shes on ...#and i worry so much about both of their mental and physical well being#always trying to be the one to calm them down or help with communication bc that is a big problem in this houesehold#but i myself am also a very much not normal and not medicated shut in who has trouble dealing even with my own feelings
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sooo i was thinking earlier and what if Kit or Ash are in a battle with the Seelie queen/court and Janus and one of them kills the Seelie queen and says something like “The queen is dead, long live the king” which would be Kieran, UNLESS Ash kills the Seelie queen and Kit becomes king or smth
idrk but i have a little feeling that the Seelie queen will die in twp omg what if that’s what the third TEC is about since in qoaad Julian gave her a copy, so what if she used a spell from the book and in TEC3 Magnus and Alec have to undo the spell and it’s a spoiler because she dies in twp
#i feel like it should kinda be ash that kills the seelie queen/his mom#and maybe if kit might kill janus since they’re both herondales#what if the seelie queen dies#and it’s no one from the TMI gang#the shadowhunter chronicles#the wicked powers#kit herondale#ash morgenstern#seelie queen#the last king of faerie#janus#tec#tbvotd
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ok one more Scarlet cousin.. Bellamy, nicknamed Bee. They're just a little FREAK who talks to animals and foretells the doom of Scarlet Hollow
#my art#oc art#my oc#digital art#artists on tumblr#illustration#Bellamy Scarlet OC#scarlet hollow#scarlet hollow mc#playing with mystical and speak with animals has been eye opening. first of all bc u get a lot more lore with mystical#but secondly because its just so fuckin funny to creep everyone out with those two combined traits#like yea i can have full on convos with the possum that lives in my dresser. yea i have day visions of all our deaths. so what#anyway he started dyeing his hair and wearing piercings after his mom died. he wanted something like a new start#so they try to 'reinvent' themselves and try new things#i think if Bee and Petra existed in the same world (siblings?) they would be besties. but tabby hates them both LOL#black tabby games
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AU where after feeling under the weather for much longer than a normal sickness is supposed to last, jason todd finally goes to see a doctor and after being tested a couple of times, is told that he has a terminal illness and that he has only a couple of months left to live.
what makes this situation even worse and hits jason right where it hurts is that the disease that he was diagnosed with is the exact same one that his mother catherine todd was diagnosed with all those years ago.
#batman#dc comics#dc universe#dcu#jason todd#jason peter todd#jason todd au#catherine todd#terminal illness au#iirc didn’t catherine have a terminal illness before it became a drug addiction?#jason todd angst au#i read a fic a while back where jason was dying of cancer i just can’t remember the name for the life of me#jason todd dc#jason doesn’t really care that he’s dying he only wants to know if this illness will be what kills him for good#because he canonically is passively suicidal he’s just going with the flow#jason buys himself a new grave and gets his affairs in order#the batfam only figure out something is up when the red hood hasn’t made an appearance in months#bc i don’t think jason would tell them that he’s dying bc he doesn’t think that anyone (read: bruce) would care if he died again#jason would probably get cremated and have his ashes scattered across the ocean or something#batfamily#jason todd is dying of the same illness that drove his mom to her death au#the lazarus pit that’s still in jason’s body is working overtime against the illness but there’s only so much that it can do#i’m having thoughts about jason again#catherine and jason todd#like mother like son au#dc#jason todd is red hood#red hood#there’s like 2 fics that i’ve read where jason is dying and both of them made me cry (i just can’t remember their names rn)#the lazarus pit vs jason’s terminal illness: who will come out as the ultimate winner?
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I was watching hotd edits and reading atla fanfics and my brain just exploded
They are variants of each other, their suffering mirrors each other’s
Their awful marriages they were forced into
A royal or high standing family that has some connection to fire, a power or tool they lack
Their one eyed sons who were so kind as children and later grew to be harsh( zuko and todoroki both were able to learn to be kind again and to not lash out or shut down every time they’re upset, Aemond sadly did not learn that)
The absurd amount of blame they get for the way some of their children turned out ( yes they hold some blame, but I’m always hearing about what they did wrong and not hearing nearly enough about what the fathers did wrong, to me those men are primarily to blame; viserys targaryen, ozai and enji todoroki i wish all of you suffered more(ESPECIALLY ENDEAVOR HE DID NOT DESERVES TO JUST LIVE PEACEFULLY HE SHOULD HAVE DIED) Especially because they too were victims and were often doing the best they knew how to do for themselves and their kids even if it wasn’t enough or backfired massively (alicent)
Oh my tragic girllssss
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#alicent hightower#my darling imperfect victim#i love these women#i will defend them till i die#especially#against men#i do want to be clear for hotd i am firmly team black but i understand and love alicent Hightower#ursa#i will love you forever girl#she wasn’t a bad mom#even to azula#and i stand by that#she just didn’t support the cruelty ozai was fostering in her daughter and azula viewed that as rejection or seeing her as a monster#I don’t blame azula for thinking that#but she is not a reliable narrator for what Ursa was thinking#she didn’t tolerate cruelty and both she a azula are victims#its neither of their faults#it’s ozais fault they motherfucker i hope it felt like his soul leaving is body whe his bending was taken#i wish he died a slow and agonizing death in the dungeon#i wish his body rotted while he was still alive and his eye fell out#like viserys#rei todoroki#she and ursa are very similar and failed in similar ways#her inability to look at some of her children because of the trauma enji put her through will forvever break my heart#you know what endeavor also should have gotten the vizzy t treatment#my hero academia#avatar the last airbender#house of the dragon#zuko#aemond targaryen
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this post on pinterest has somehow made me start thinking about a comedy human au,, all the bots are siblings, ages are fucked, all the walters live in one big house,, the bots r all teenagers (imagine having six teenagers jc). their parents are iris and peter i. they have two adult siblings, ii and iii. mark, wanda and iv are their nephews and niece. peter i has an oc sibling that isn't around anymore but is V's parent, and VI is his son (the bot's cousin).
i dont think the original inspiration post fits in at all but its funny so im not removing it amen
anyways. ages i think would be like,,
II & III in their early thirties
V in his early thirties but younger than the rest of em.
rabbit and spine are 18 and twins
hmm my zer0 headcanon is that he was built first but powered on later so maybe hes like 19 but adopted/a half sibling that moved in slightly later? idk hes 17 or 19
next i think is hatchworth he is 15 and draws on a moustache every morning and tells everyone its real (jon is convinced)
jon is um uh 12 little boy 🫵
upgrade is 9
mark is 11
wanda is 9 (woah two 9 year old girls. yhey tell everyone they're twins)
realising that i cant keep the age difference the same as canon because iv would be -1. oops. hes a little baby
vi is also a little baby.
sorry i lied they're not all teenagers lawl. also realised zer0 couldn't be a half sibling because they have two way older siblings too oops
yeah this au makes no sense but i do think its funny. sitcom au. highschool au.
they all go by their canon robot names, its unclear whether they were named that or if they're nicknames or a mix of both. five is older than four because of a mistake on his birth certificate, he should have been four but they all just kinda went with it and named the next one four
i think rabbit would come out to her [younger] siblings at 13 and come out/start transitioning at 14, partially in reference to the year she transitioned in canon and partially because i was that old when i came out teehee. i think maybe she always knew and expressed it though, she just didnt know trans people existed and didn't have the terminology for it
do they have all-through schools in the us? like elementary all the way to high school? we do in the uk but idk about over there. if they do then that could be funny i think
#saymbles#au where#spg au#long post#spg#steam powered giraffe#cba to do individual tags for literally everyone#idk where the beciles fit in#maybe just an overplayed soccer mom type rivalry between thaddeus and peter i that translates to all thr kids also disliking each other#whats the name of the becile that got incinerated by rabbit in 1950#i think maybe he bullied rabbit really bad one time and two and three went full on big brother mode to like beat him up or something#nobody actually dies but there may have been one or four major hospital trips#i reckon guy and norman werent involved bc they're both wandas age so literal like 4 year olds at the time#maybe in the future when that lot are teenagers theres a romeo and juliet style romance with a love triangle and its all very dramatic#in the way only teen romance can be#also i think maybe the becile bots could be there#as a treat#similar ages to their counterparts#slightly younger though i think#spg teen au
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I respect the noble task of defending your fave but what Caitlin did is Supposed to be Bad . How quickly she fell to fascism when facing a Slight amount of trouble that any regular kid in Zaun would and how quickly her support and compassion completely dissolved and she felt "justified" in it Is a commentary I fear alot of you are stupid
#are we forgetting. Vi lost Both of her parents to enforcers ...#i can't speak anymore or the haters will cancel me but listen#that is Bad what she did the show is framing jt as Bad .#she is Not justified in martial law because her mom died !!!!!
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Just got a rude reminder about how great it is to never have children/ be an only child.
There's too much drama involved with dying, apparently.
#when grandaddy died. everyone was arguing over this and that. speaking over his widow and trying to plan his funeral instead of her and his#two daughters. three people who truly knew and listened to him. My mom was almost forced out of the first row at the funeral service by her#step brothers. mom and I got cheated out of things that were bequethed to us. and there was a lot of fighting.#my brother died and his son wanted some ashes. Momma didn't know until it was too late bc my nephews mom and her family wanted to start shit#he was not allowed to come with us to the graveyard. they forced him to leave before he could speak for himself.#some old man just died and my mom's friend (who made herself the center of attention at my brother's funeral) just called bitching and#cussin about some body shooting a dog and starting all kinds of shit over dogs and land and all that jazz like#and watching Dallas... both J.R. Ewings are obsessed with money. land. succession. and inheritance. and they always start trouble over that#Miss Ellie's brother came around bc he was dying and wanted to spend his last days with his sister while Jock and Jr started shit about land#ownership. Garrison didn't want Sourhfork even though HE inherited the ranch like. bro#how am I the only normal person in this shitshow?? I have Bipolar AuDHD!?!?!?! I halluncinate! BRO!!#death#inheritance#succession#family drama#ugh#tbh#even if my brother was alive I feel like there would be less drama between him and I.#I think I'd just take what I wanted and leave the rest with him. Is that what Mama wants? Absolutely not...#but I don't care. We can't take anything with us when we go. It'll all end up in a dump. antique shop. or collector's house anyway#none of it matters#most people never leave a mark on the world and THAT'S OKAY! we don't have to be remarkable to have worth right now#everyone will die when it's time for them to... no need to kick up a fuss.#the land might end up ruined or sold to the government or developed into something amazing. so what?#you're dead! IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU WANT!! that's the beauty of it all!#the shortness. the finality of it all. Life's too short for bullshit. You gotta party like it's your last day. every day.#one of the most rebellious things we can do in the fave of facism is to live true and unbothered (i know it's difficult)#if They want to suffer. They can. Don't submit in advance! I believe in Hope. It's all we have#I'll get my top surgery in time. I'll make my transition! I'll pick a name!! I believe in a future where We can live happier!#because I love humanity! I love the Earth and everything she has to offer. The endless beauty of living in spite of it all
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its so hard to talk about how traumatic it is to watch somebody be claimed by dementia without going "well i cant complain because at least i wasnt the one losing my mind (for now)" but that shit fucks you up so much. that ghost is going to haunt me for the rest of my life and all i can do is hope it Stays a ghost
#tiddytaco#b#thinking about it rn bc today while i was driving my mom home from pt#she saw someone she knew from years ago driving & was like FOLLOW THAT CAR & we met them in a parking lot#& the conversation turned to 'hey what the hell happened to your parents' pretty quickly bc our families hadnt been in touch#& it was a long conversation in the hobby lobby parking lot#& idk if itll ever Stop being fresh in my mind but now its Extra fresh in my mind#that whole time period was just so insane & awful#bc it was like Ok we're caring for both grandparents#& then my grandpa died#& all our pets at the time were very old#& when he died it occurred to me that we could easily lose both grandparents and all 3 pets within the year#it turned out to be like a long drawn-out year & a half from the first to the last#& looking back it seems impossible that is was that short a time period bc it felt like an eternity#we got off easy with grandpa bc he died before it got too bad but with grandma it just kept getting Worse#& the climax of the caring experience was traveling to take her to my uncle bc he wanted to take his shift caring for her#& that was so . So bad. SO bad#like it literally could not have gone more smoothly and it was SO bad#just thinking about it i feel like im there again i get so stressed out
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That post about huge red flags from exes is going around and I’m like well mine requires some background reading
#xrdslog#um basically. made a bet they could convince me to kiss them and constantly hinted at it until it happened and then bragged about it a lot#then I told them I was aro#then we got a headmate that they had a crush on and started dating#and then used that to argue that I should date them bc it’s easier if it’s both of us#and then prioritized me over him#also: this headmate is one I have a father and son relationship with#so what the hell#also told me they fixated on people and they still loved me but they were fixated on their friend so couldn’t give me attention#their friend who they called their not-girlfriend. because that friend’s husband wasn’t comfortable with her being poly#and they still wanted to date her so they just called her that instead#gifted me an expensive adult toy and then took it and gave it to said not girlfriend#which. ok sure. but then why tell me it was a gift#demanded to talk to certain headmates and made a big fuss about knowing exactly who did what even though they were rarely correct#pushed me away whenever they were sad and then was upset I wasn’t comforting them#I baked banana bread once on a whim and then they constantly made me make it for them when I didn’t want to#NEEDED music playing at night and fans on them and they got upset if I didn’t want to sleep by them even though I couldn’t#‘pretended’ to choke me when I got a rare item in final fantasy before them#wanted to rp with me but demanded I start it because they were tired of starting rps with their friend. ok. not my fault ?#more than once tried to get me to sign a lease with them even though I had no money or job#got mad at me because my art was good? and they didn’t think theirs was or that they were creative?#did not ever compliment me without an insult attached for the last three years of our relationship#constantly tried to talk about sex or illegal things in front of my mom#constantly bragged about how they were going to become rich when their grandma died and hoped it happened soon#The Entire Trauma Part where they barely comforted me at all#oh also I spent basically sixteen hours a day in VC with them every day and they broke up with me for not spending enough time with them#even though I could not Possibly have spent More time with them#there is more than this. but this is off the top of my head. lol.
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resignation letter is the most potent painkiller. i love you resignation letter i love you one month notice <3
#tmi but im regular again and literally the only change is because i've been eating enough to shit daily#i was in such a bad headspace these past few months that i could barely bring myself to eat#i'd go to sleep with my work uniform still on and wake up willing myself to get up for 30 mins and then brushing my teeth and going to work#with the same clothes i slept in#i stopped hanging out with my friends. i had nightmares abt my job.#i can only take care of myself on my days' off and i cant grok anything other than shallow entertainment like wrestling#everything else is too much for my brain to handle. i'd simply forget everything i read or play or even listen to#those three months are miserable lmao#its not just my job... its also the family issues i've been dealing with#yknow remember when i said i could have died? yeah that shit was real. fuckin love it when my mom admit my dad have the capacity to be a#family annihilator. but... since my dad have a job to keep him busy and we moved to a house where me and my sister and#my mom and dad get to have our own rooms... and my dad get to live near his old friends and family...#things have been getting better. usually we had a physical fight every two months but it hasnt happened yet and i seem to get on with him#better now. so... i guess im gonna be okay. i've been so tired and trapped#stuck between two places that are both physically and emotionally draining with no reprieve#things are changing. and i find that to be comforting despite how up in the air the future might be. i might be screwed but also? what if#i'll be fine? im at a point where im accepting any drastic changes even if its for the worse#funny how i used to like my job a lot. i guess im not to be comfortable with anything long term#posts about my life
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I've read more books this week than I have in years. My therapist said "try something that isn't drawing to fill your time" and I said "bet."
#I'm reading Fight Club and I'm Glad My Mom Died#I'm halfway through both#I got a library card last week for this specifically lmao#idk what I'll read next...
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#had an interesting conversation with my sister the other day. odd i guess bc my sister is pretty smart#on paper shes smarter than me. or at least less dyslexic than me#but she didnt seem to kno what cancer is. i mean like how it works. i mean. cancer is a mistake. a confluence of unfortunate accidents#leading to unrestrained cellular growth. when it metastasizes. when it moves to other parts of the body. those same cells continue growing#if u have smooth muscle cancer and it moves to your kidney. you body is trying to grow more smooth muscle on your kidney#at least as i understand it. and she asked why it wants to kill you. it doesnt want anything. it just is. its not a thing of malicious#intent. its neutral. it grows. it takes up resources. it takes up space. and it grows and grows until the organ it grows on stops#functioning properly. like a parasite she said. but no. not like a parasite. it grows like an empty space. a mass of flesh. a constant#obstructive pressure. it grows like only a tumor can. i dunno. it didnt seem to connect with her that this thing didnt want to kill our mom#but it did anyway. and she felt weird about how long she lived after they took her off any support. but thats how cancer kills#it stops an organ from functioning and most of those r important so it only takes one. so her heart kept beating for 12 more hrs bc it was#meant to beat for 40 more years. but not much it could do without working kidneys and without working blood#but that's life. that's death. that's nature. its all nutral even if it feels horrible to the individual.#i dunno. i thought it was interesting. shes 25 and her mother had cancer for 10 years so id think shed kno more#we're at a weird phase now bc its been a week since she died and everything feels normal. we'll see what happens at the wake this week#its been interesting for sure bc she was sick for 10 years but my parents didnt prepare at all for her to die#so my dad is scrambling to put together the pieces shr left behind to make sure that all the bills r paid and whatnot. he had to guess her#computer password. she didnt tell us what she wanted us to have. she didnt tell us the importance of her jewelry and who it belonged to#before her. i dunno. we're seeing the outline of my mothers Pathology in what she left behind. both in the physical objects and in the#feelings she imparted. i dunno. its been weird#unrelated
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