ateliebellosartes

[littlefankingdom]

Originally, Bruce and Dick slept in the same bed.

I like to twist this around: Bruce, being a young parent, was VERY protective and worried about his boy who wants to go fight criminals with him, and it translated into him refusing to let Dick leave his side after difficult nights. Dick is hurt? He is sleeping in Bruce's bed. Dick isn't hurt but it was a close call? He is sleeping in Bruce's bed. Bruce just got scared but Dick was fine? He is sleeping in Bruce's bed. Dick is scared? He is sleeping in Bruce's bed. Of course, this led to Dick also refusing to leave Bruce's side when Bruce gets hurt or could have been hurt, so he also sleeps in Bruce's bed on these nights. And, as he grew up in a circus, always moving around, he is used to sleeping in his parents' arms or very close by, so it's normal for him.

So, Dick is often sleeping in Bruce's bed, cuddled up to Bruce. And as he grows up, he sleeps less and less in Bruce's arms, and he supports less and less Bruce's suffocating anxiety. Finally, he stops completely.

Some events make him wants to crawl back in his dad's bed (his multiple SA, the destruction of Bludhaven, the multiple times he thought Bruce died, etc...), but he never dares to. He is an adult now, and he fears Bruce would have a problem with it. Bruce is also not that welcoming toward physical affection since Jason's death (something Cass fixes, but that's another story). So, Dick doesn’t, even when he craves to.

Until Bruce is send back in time and believed dead. When he comes back, Dick just cannot stop himself, he needs to hold his dad, and he is so afraid Bruce will dissappear if he isn't touching him. He is holding him all evening long, and when it's time for bed, Bruce wordlessly goes to sleep holding Dick with one arm, the other around Tim. (Damian isn't close enough to Bruce yet to dare come sleep with them, Cass is in Hong-Kong, but she is jumping on a plane and will join the sleep-cuddle pile, Jason isn't back in the batfam yet but the possibility of losing Bruce scared him so bad, he is going to start to make efforts to not be on bad terms with them)

[batsplat]

Your post about sete/vale rivalry is literally so informative it's like a pivotal post to fully understand the way valentino's mind works. You're his friend just up to the point you are not (mainly after perceived crimes not backed up by any real proof apparently). Valentino literally turbodivorced every guy he was friendly with in the paddock (and the irony of two of those turbodivorces happening in the same place isn't lost on me)

I did do my best to keep marc out of that post and let the parallels speak for themselves but like. yes

what's interesting to me about this rivalry is that it's... kind of his first rodeo. I mean he'd obviously had rivals before and a feud and all that and him and biaggi were constantly *gestures* - but one of the most common complaints about valentino is that he switches up towards you when you actually become a serious threat. which!! I still fully believe to some extent is natural, this is sports, they're competing, and I take more seriously with some of valentino's victims than with others. (melandri is always the one where I'm a bit? valentino no offence but why would you bother, in 2005 there wasn't a title fight and in 2006 valentino actually got on really well with two of the four other main contenders and at the very least didn't actively have a problem with dani. so maybe just a melandri problem question mark.) but I do feel like sete was... maybe not the first, but the first that was this extreme. and, very much topic for another post, but he really does learn a lot from the sete rivalry. a lot of the tactics and performance art and all of that, how he uses all of it to demoralise his enemies - this rivalry was kinda the blueprint

but, at the same time, of course it was a different valentino that marc ended up fighting, and not just in terms of how fast and competitive valentino was at that stage of his career. this is something that's quite hard to get across sometimes, because the natural inclination is to just... look at all the past instances in which valentino was a dick and conclude that he has, in fact, always been a dick. but he wasn't just statically malevolent for a twenty plus year career, and it's important to... reinsert context to assess how he developed as a rider and as a character during that time. it's not twenty non-stop years of valentino feuding. and marc is facing a valentino who had inevitably changed as a result of years of injury and poor results on a poor bike. valentino was pretty open in 2012 that he was returning to yamaha after two years on a donkey of a bike to, y'know, see if he was still fast, if he still had it in him - because he genuinely did not know (stop me if this reminds you of anyone more recently). he was so frustrated in 2013 with constantly finishing in fourth place that he took the truly radical step of firing his crew chief jb. one more try, one more change up to see if he could still be fast

it was only in 2014, where, okay he was losing to marc, but he could feel that he was competitive again, he could semi-regularly beat jorge and dani at the very least... then comes misano and he beats marc in a direct fight, draws an error out of him, gets him to crash, and marc shows up at his ranch and manages to strongly signal that he does actually really want to beat valentino. and that, in a way, shows that he was beginning to take valentino seriously as a competitor again (which I would suggest he wasn't doing at the end of 2013). that's something that's easy to miss about the ranch episode: yes, it's notable how much they were treating each other like hardened rivals, but it was also notable they were doing so in 2014, given the kind of season marc was having. maybe it truly was the worst possible timing. maybe it truly was the race in misano that made both of them go. hey. this really could be happening

but it's still a humbled version of valentino, it's still a version of valentino who has already kind of had to make his peace with the fact his time might very much be over. to me, in a way it's more dramatically satisfying if he did make peace with it, if he was more or less all right with marc making the sport his own. okay, there's always going to be a little bit of bitterness, a little bit of envy... because he wished he could still do what marc was doing, of course he did. but by the end of 2013, he knew it was more likely than not he would never be involved in another title fight. he thought his career might be ending after the 2014 season. he told the world if he wasn't competitive in the early races in 2014 then that would be that, and I think he meant it

there was no guarantee he'd have a season like 2015 - sure, he was working harder than ever and making radical personnel choices, all in the hope he still had something more to give... but he didn't know it would happen. it was really really unlikely!! there's a giddiness to him in early 2015, almost like he couldn't quite believe himself he'd get that chance. and then, yes, he does withdraw from marc, he does go back into title fight mode... but relatively speaking, this is still a more agreeable version of valentino. this is still a version of valentino who is determined to not start shit with jorge - it's odd to watch, but in those 2015 pressers valentino is constantly engaging him in conversation, at a time in which the marc chatter was already dropping off pretty sharpish

(incidentally, I think vale was proper pissed off at how jorge reacted to the whole sepang thing and how jorge was angry with valentino, which is very funny to me. like at catalunya 2016 vale's going!! I actually made an effort with this bitch!! I was nice to him for three years, does that count for nothing??)

valentino also doesn't blow shit up over assen, even though by his standards marc should be giving him plenty of reason to. he's definitely cooled off towards marc, but he's still giving him the benefit of the doubt where he wouldn't have done so with past rivals - which, yes, I do think partly reflects how he felt about marc, but also reflects how he was approaching that year and that phase of his career as a whole. he didn't really want drama; he wasn't really looking for any distractions from the actual title fight. which doesn't mean that he wasn't already changing his behaviour towards his competitors in response to the demands of the season - it's just a question of the extent. here from a write-up of assen 2015 (I don't entirely agree on the point of the effectiveness of valentino's mind games, though I do agree - like valentino himself does - with the general idea that most of the work needs to be done on-track):

in the end, he cracked. I guess that's what generally happens when you put someone under that kind of pressure - you make them revert to type. valentino wasn't arrogant or entitled or over-confident in that season, he was desperate. he'd been given this unexpected chance and he was throwing everything he had into making it work. body, mind, soul, all of it, wringing himself out in pursuit of this dream. he could feel it slipping away at several points that season... that four race jorge win streak where he led every single lap and it was kind of like? okay, you just can't do anything about that. valentino can't match that, not at this stage of his career. or brno, after which they were level on points and jorge led on countback and it just felt like valentino so obviously had a consistent pace deficit that surely this could only go one way. all these moments where it felt like it might actually be over, in the least dramatic way imaginable. in many ways, this wasn't really a title fight that should ever have been so close - and it's to valentino's credit as a rider, his versatility and willpower, that he was even able to push things as far as he did. but he did know he was hanging on by a thread, and he ended up playing the last hand he felt he had available

obviously, it wasn't really rational calculation that made him do what he did in sepang - though there probably was an element of, y'know, might as well. but he believed he detected a pattern of behaviour in marc - not entirely incorrectly, because it did feel like marc approached his battles with valentino differently - and fashioned himself a conspiracy on the basis of it. he hoped it could change the momentum one last time; he decided to make one final roll of the dice. and then, of course, marc reacted in a way that has ensured valentino will never stop believing in his conspiracy theory. because of course marc did, because of course he never would have taken it lying down. because valentino knew from the moment marc engaged him in that battle at sepang that it was almost certainly all over, because he lost his temper - which usually helps him, except when it doesn't. because they both lost their tempers and ended up just wanting to hurt each other, to prove a point. because that's who they both are

the main point I'm trying to make here is kind of.... it's just how I personally read the sete stuff - yes, these are the same patterns of behaviour, yes, a lot of parallels do obviously present themselves. I've long felt that sete is the single most significant valentino feud to understanding what happened with marc. he's the only other one who valentino was friends with, the only other one valentino felt hurt by on a personal level, the only other one who valentino changed his behaviour towards from one day to the next. and I think under the right circumstances, if you give valentino enough of an excuse and enough of a prize to aim for and have planted enough seeds of suspicion in advance... you can get this situation where the competitive paranoia takes control and he buys into this whole betrayal narrative and he decides he needs to go nuclear. and it also gave him a script to follow - one he knew could work because it had. except of course it could have gone very wrong in 2004 too. what happens if he's so desperately determined to ruin sete that he bins it in phillip island and finds himself only barely ahead in the points going into the title decider? compare that race to phillip island 2009 - obviously, there's a sizeable difference between the level of opposition (especially at that circuit) and the '09 race probably wasn't winnable, but he still ends up eventually deciding to settle for second behind casey because he doesn't want to risk losing the championship to jorge. he's not casey's biggest fan either, but he never came close to losing his head fighting him. it's different. he might do some of his finest riding when he's angry, but where there's anger there's also volatility. and, on occasion, there's also some really bad choices

if 2004 is the moment where he's properly learning to play these games, then 2015 is him falling back on these tools when he really had basically discarded them. it'd been five years since he'd engaged in mind games in earnest (I know him and casey were constantly at it in 2011-12, but whatever the hell that was about, whatever part of their psyches they were appeasing there, it obviously had fuck all to do with on-track competition). that's a long time! there's a 2014 interview where he's asked about his work on the 'mental side' against his rivals:

the first thing he immediately stresses is that there's zero point in doing any of this if you're not fast enough on-track to back it up. if you are fast, sure, you can do some off-track 'work', especially if you know it makes your rivals suffer :) but it won't have the same effect without the on-track performance. so even if we want to say valentino hadn't mellowed post-2012, even if he hadn't grown one jot humbler in his heart of hearts, even if he wasn't swayed by any genuine fondness for marc, he still knew the maths just didn't work out in his favour with his current opponents. he couldn't deploy his favourite tactics against jorge because jorge insisted on spending the entire season either two spots ahead or three spots behind valentino, and the off-track stuff just can't work if you're never sharing space on-track. it could and did work against marc, but he wasn't trying to score psychological victories against marc! certainly not by the time they reached assen and marc was basically out of that title fight. so there wouldn't have been any point in trying to fuck with either of them in that way off-track and, well, it could easily backfire. which is something valentino understood perfectly well until they were 88.9% of the way through the season, and then he changed his mind at what was almost the very last possible moment. which I think speaks to how desperate valentino was to make a mistake like he did at sepang: he felt it was all he had left to try

the other way in which marc comes into this whole thing is that.... I mean, he knew about all this stuff! this is the thing right, maybe he wasn't watching the sepang 2004 press conference as an eleven year old and later going 'huh' but broadly speaking, he will obviously have been aware of how this went down, qatar controversy and all of it. he's sitting right there in that jerez 2015 presser when valentino is asked about sete and in response valentino says sete played 'dirty games'. he's obviously aware of the whole jerez 2005 situation, not least because he copied valentino's overtake in his third ever premier class race. which in turn sete was watching unfold, and is still having thoughts about in 2023:

so it's kind of... y'know, you've got marc, you've got someone who's still very much the heir apparent despite all the drama between him and valentino. if you're sete, do you look at marc and see somebody who valentino hurt in similar ways to what he did to you, or do you look at marc and see another version of valentino? do you see both? it's again that thing of, if you have a problem with some of valentino's more aggressive riding then you will definitely have a problem with marc. because of course marc is the escalation, because valentino generally picked his moments a bit more and adjusted his levels of aggression more to the situation, whereas marc is mostly just Like That. so sure, if you're sete gibernau you can look at marc and see another one of valentino's victims, but at the end of the day you're also going to see his legacy

and this from 2017:

not an original thing to say obviously, half of motogp has said it at one point or another. but. still. meaningful to me!

that tension between 'fellow valentino rival' and 'valentino's successor' is imo inherent to the jerez pass situation, because (along with laguna seca) it's an example of marc actively inserting himself into valentino's legacy. and the thing is, right, these aren't just neutral fun passes that everyone remembers because they looked cool: they're the biggest flashpoints of their respective feuds. marc did to jorge what valentino did to sete - and then he did the most valentino thing imaginable and went to jorge when he must have known jorge would still be furious, making him publicly reject his handshake and starting up a whole lot of discourse™ that would take forever to die down. marc knew immediately how controversial what he did would be and was completely at home in the chaos. it's not just the pass that does valentino proud, it's the shamelessness

while that race might not have had the same repercussions as '05, at the end of the day you do have to remember that those passes have a lot of baggage and controversy attached that marc is also making himself a part of. in the case of laguna, it's valentino addressing livio suppo in the presser because of all the grief suppo and casey had given valentino over the '08 overtake. in the case of the jerez pass, it's sete talking about how alienated he is by this whole approach to riding that marc so completely embodies. and the whole thing has come up quite a few times since 2013, because everyone loves bringing up last corner passes at least once a year when they show up again at jerez

so for instance we have this clip from 2016 (fourth race of the season, vibes still in hell), where the riders are asked whether they'd prefer to be in first, second or third position heading into that final corner. not all too much to say about this one, really. jorge, who it seems has at long last learned his lesson about what to do when you've got a lunatic sitting on your rear wheel headed into the final corner of a race, stresses that he'd protect the inside line - not least because these two fuckers would dive on the inside through the grass if you give them half a chance. also, decent gag from marc! good on him. not always easy for those who have decided they hate him so much so that they refuse to laugh at anything he says

then we have this from 2017 - where sete is in the room - asking four riders who they'd want to arrive at jerez's final corner with. three guys give pretty boring answers, though you'll note in 2017 valentino does actually mention his battle with sete (*gestures with his head in sete's direction*) in the same breath as the one between "marc and jorge". those three boring answers are followed by a great response courtesy of jorge. the question doesn't actually specify, but obviously jorge immediately zeroes in on valentino and marc since they are. you know. the two guys with a history of doing last corner jerez crimes. and they're also two confirmed lunatics, though jorge believes that valentino at least might be a little less reckless now that he's a little older. hey, maybe even marc has become 3% more sensible at the advanced age of 24 (funnily enough, vale when making that overtake in '05 was two years older than marc is in this clip). it's a sweet moment - but, without wanting to belabour the obvious, it's also another way of showing how irrevocably linked both the passes and the blokes executing them are. both valentino and marc are 'hard brakers', to put it lightly. two peas in a pod, from a man who would know

we do also of course get sete reacting to valentino's answer. idk what this facial expression is but I sure am compelled by it (thank u to dani pedrosa for working with sete in 2017 so that we'd get live sete reaction shots. I am very grateful)

okay so those two I included because. well it's just kind of neat and fun that this is a parallel they won't ever escape. linked legacies and all that. but I am actually building up to a point here, and it's to do with how even post-2015, it's not like marc is always overflowing with sympathy and compassion for valentino's other victims. he knows his lore! he will know at least the general details of the sete relationship and how it deteriorated and what valentino did to him afterwards! so let's bring in austria 2017, a time at which the vibes between the two of them aren't actually. catastrophic. exhibit a:

so in this presser, valentino is asked if his overtake on jorge at catalunya '09 is the favourite of his career, and he says it was special because it was the last corner - he can't remember any other examples of him making a last corner overtake in the premier class. at which point marc taps valentino to point out sete:

the expression marc makes in the thumbnail - that's how he looks when he's eagerly waiting for valentino to put two and two together. the thing is, right, this whole feuding business, the way valentino treated his rivals, how he was pretty awful to them... all of it will have been stuff that marc actively enjoyed as a fan. and even post-2015, when marc has experienced some of the very worst valentino has to offer, marc still finds the whole jerez thing pretty funny, not just the overtake but what it meant for the relationship between valentino and sete. he makes valentino aware of sete in the room, because of course he would never forget valentino's greatest hits. like, remember why this exchange is funny: everybody knows this overtake was a super controversial thing and a big source of tension between the two of them and valentino's forgotten about it. and marc's laughing at this!! in 2017!! "after we have a bit problems" and marc thinks it's hilarious!! buddy

one more presser moment, from 2019. just a bit of context here - earlier in the presser they were asked about dani getting a corner named after him at jerez and valentino went 'yeah good for him but I wouldn't want a corner named after me !!' and marc talked about how he'd gotten a corner at aragon named after him the year before. so now, the riders are asked what their favourite bit of the jerez circuit is. the joke here goes a) marc says 'last corner' the way he does because everyone knows he did a terrorism there, b) jack miller says 'you mean jorge lorenzo corner' because everyone knows it's funny marc did a terrorism on jorge there like a day after jorge got the corner named after him, and c) marc says 'it's valentino corner' because everyone knows his move was copying the move valentino did on sete. and... 'valentino corner'... first of all why would you do this to your literal teammate jorge lorenzo... but again the whole reason this exchange is funny is because the premise is that they did the same thing, valentino to sete and marc to jorge. implicitly, it's making the link between the pair of them and how they terrorised their rivals in the same way. still. in 2019

speaking of legacies, there's a moment in the 2016 catalunya presser where valentino is asked how that duel compares to his past duels in 2007 and 2009 at that circuit (notice the blatant and unchallenged sete erasure - 2004 and 2005 were really great but okay). and valentino says he counts it on the same level as the jorge fight - "was three great battles with three great opponents". which, y'know, I really love 2016, I think it's fantastic, but marc makes a mistake on the penultimate lap and denies us the most dramatic of finales. like I think it's completely reasonable and nice for valentino to count it in that same camp as the 2009 duel, but I also think it wouldn't have been crazy or disrespectful or anything if he'd gone 'yeah that was great but not quite the same thing'. this definitely might be reading too much into it (surely not) but given how valentino has since occasionally left marc out of the rivalries list, said he wasn't his toughest rival etc etc, I do think it's kinda notable that during that moment of 'reconciliation', valentino allowed marc to be part of his legacy - even if it's just in a small way. 'great valentino catalunya battles' is a pretty cool group of races to be a part of, y'know? the infamous overtakes, the duels, these are the things people remember. these are the things marc remembered, as valentino's fan - inevitably, it'll mean something to him. it's a legacy he wants to be a part of, by fighting valentino, by emulating valentino, and sometimes valentino lets him and sometimes he'd rather leave marc out in the cold. you'll note that in 2019 he doesn't really engage with the "valentino corner" gag from marc and instead goes with the far more neutral turn 5 as his own pick

in the very very immediate aftermath of sepang (aka december 2015), marc did openly make the comparison between himself and valentino's other rivals:

and it's informed his whole approach since then - it's a big part of why he's tried to be quiet about the drama with valentino over the years. he knows how valentino behaves towards his rivals, he always has. he knows he can't beat valentino off-track... but (beyond his undeniable mental resilience) he's just fortunate enough that with his talent and the way their career windows have overlapped, more often than not he's been able to out-perform valentino on the track. and y'know, it's an interesting element to the whole thing I feel... marc was a fan of valentino's for a lot of reasons - he was very much a fan of the complete package, if you will. including what valentino did to his enemies! it's not like that aspect of vale was some kind of closely guarded secret; it was like a top three valentino rossi talking point for years and years. (part of the subtext of assen 2015 is marc not really enjoying being on the receiving end of one of those classic valentino scam wins, when marc had been intending to do that to valentino.) again, those overtakes of valentino's weren't just famous because they were cool, they were famous because they helped valentino fuck with his rivals. it's not just about emulating his on-track aggression, it's about emulating how valentino did his best to get in his rivals' heads. when we talk about marc 'being a fan' of valentino, then it shouldn't be ignored that this involved marc being a fan of what an absolute and utter asshole valentino was. and like with all things relating to valentino, I'd wager marc has pretty complicated feelings about this. at the end of the day that's also part of his make up as a rider... but it also really burnt him personally...

it's almost like an identification thing, isn't it. if you're marc and you're thinking about valentino's past rivalries, whose shoes are you placing yourself in? in many ways it should be valentino's rivals, because of course some of their experiences mirror marc's. and there's a rare moment in the winter of 2015, when he's still in the process of trying to make sense of everything that's happened, where he does make the connection. but apart from that, he's shied away from it - even when he's criticising valentino, he's generally not framing what valentino did to marc as indicative of some broader character flaw. it's casey and jorge who explicitly make that link, not marc. he's still kind of... idk, separating that out. obviously, marc would far rather be valentino's successor than another one of valentino's victims, even if he hasn't really been given a choice in the matter and has ended up being both. I don't really have any evidence to back this up, but my guess is that deep down he feels like what valentino did to him was different from what he did to those other guys. and in some ways he's right and in some ways he's wrong

unfortunate, isn't it. you're a fan of somebody with a reputation for fucking with his enemies, which is fun and neat and you kinda want to copy how he does it - maybe put your own spin on the whole thing but you're still into the general vibe. you enter the sport at a time when you can still fight your hero, but he's kinda washed and he's too old to be starting new feuds (*bzzzzt!!* incorrect! you are never too old to start feuds) so there's no real danger. and you share a bond you think on some level is different from whatever those other guys had going on, even sete gibernau, whoever tf that is. and then you become real rivals and realise how extremely not enjoyable it is to be losing to him yourself and you really want to show him and maybe you do push it a little far along the way. but it'll be okay. it's all fine... until he decides it's time to destroy you. and on one level you do obviously see the parallels because you're not an idiot... but on the other hand, none of that stuff, none of what he did to those other guys - it wasn't ever going to stop you from being a fan of his. it's the bits he did to you that are the problem. and at the end of the day, you'll never quite be able to let go of the twelve year old boy inside of you who found jerez 2005 really, really cool

anyway

[blixabargelds]

Hiii Frankie 💕 7, 8 and 15 please ( for the writer ask meme)

thank you babieee

7. Share a snippet from one of your favorite pieces of prose you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

man this was hard. it’s honestly probably this long ass paragraph from my succession fic this mess we’re in. there’s holes i can poke it in from a writing perspective, i think my syntax is maybe lacking a little in what i now think of as my unique style, but man. it’s the one that came to my head and my gut so. it’s so personal and raw and uncomfortable and honest. i put my entire soul into this fic and i think this part both resonated deeply with a lot of readers which is so important to me, and is one of the reasons when i was in the succ fandom i had a lot of people tell me i was The roman roy understander. i think i’m good at getting into characters heads and this encapsulates that pretty well.

Roman’s never said yes please in his fucking life, but he has wanted it. It just rarely aligns for him like it does for other people. His head wants it, and his dick doesn’t. His dick wants it, and his head wants it to stop. He’s practised in knowing which part to listen to. Normally, the choice which makes whoever is fucking him get it over with. Fight or flight doesn’t work for him, he knows this, so he freezes until one of them comes. It’s not never him. Occasionally his head and his dick want it, like when Grace had worn that pantsuit and choked him still wearing it, or Gerri- he’d wanted it every time with her. She’d got it right, too. That razor’s edge of pain and pleasure, always pressed slightly closer to the former vein for Roman to feel right. Roman’s been thinking about it all, since he’s started staying with Stewy. About the possibility of being normal with sex. The idea of waking up next to someone and not immediately wanting to slink away, pretend it didn’t happen. The idea of getting fucked without being held down or hit. He just can’t picture it for himself. He’s been thinking about how he can’t get into some rooms of his head. He’s started to remember being called beautiful, a long time ago. He still hasn’t been to his barber.

8. Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

again so hard!! i love dialogue and it’s something i think i’m really good at and get the most comments on. honestly there’s probs better ones i’ve done but i really love this exchange when john is trying to distract gale from getting his fucked up arm reset in this must be the place. mostly bc i came up w the meatball story on the spot it just flowed out of me i should write for scooby doo fr. and i also love the desperation of trying to distract someone from inevitable horror without giving away your gay love in a POW camp. idk it’s just fun

“Remember when you thought you saw a ghost in England?”

“Did not,” Gale says. His breathing isn’t quite right. Restrained and sharp, but John can tell he’s trying.

“You did,” John presses on. Buck turns his head a little, the anticipation of going untouched clearly building, but John takes his chin between his thumb and forefinger, brings him back around to look at him. “You woke me up at Christ knows what time. I never seen you so frantic, I thought you were finally drunk. And you shook me awake, oh, Bucky, I saw somethin’. Oh, Bucky, I swear it was movin’ through the north side barracks.” Gale blinks slowly, huffs out a small laugh. “And I thought you’d gone crazy. ’Cos Buck Cleven, he told me he don’t believe in any of that bushwa first day I met him, when I told you my grandma used to post up in Ma’s house when she was already long gone.”

“Didn’t see no ghost, John,” Gale says. John knows he can sense Doc moving beside him, now. He’s gone tense, chest rising and falling with gaining speed.

“Hey, Buck, hey,” John says, trying desperately to pull his attention back to him. Gale meets his eyes, and John is hopeless to combat the panic in them. “I know you didn’t. Remember what it was, huh? Remember?”

“Meatball,” Gale says, barely audible.

“Fuckin’ Meatball. Got into the pantry and brought a whole bag of flour down on him. He looked ghostly, I’ll give ya that-”

John is cut off when Gale screams. He has never heard a sound like it from another human being.

15. If you could choose one of your fics to be filmed, which would you choose?

Superstar. it’s literally me and elo’s prestige show. other than that this must be the place bc i love to see austin in pain

[thefallennightmare]

Vas Prizrak-Seventeen

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x Reader. Slight Steve Rogers x Reader

Words: 1632

Warnings: swearing, some smut if I’m feeling frisky, tiny bits of fluff, and a whole lot of angst.

Summary:  Bucky and Reader’s life in Wakanda had been everything they ever wanted. But when they are told about the fight that was on it’s way to them, they fear that life would be dusted away for good.

A/N: There are only a few chapters left! I have also decided that the trilogy(Soldat, Dorogaya, and Vas Prizrak) will only be a trilogy! Once this series is finished, it’s done for these characters!  

TAGS: @mggpleasedontlookhere @grey-force-jedi @austynparksandpizza @lovelyladymayyy​

A loud gasp escaped my throat as I sat up with a start, smacking whoever was in front of me. The last thing I had remembered was falling out of the sky. 

“Hey, take it easy doll. It’s me.” 

After a few deep breaths, I relaxed when I saw Bucky’s concerned eyes looking at me. 

“Are you okay?” He asked. 

I nodded and let him help me to my feet. “How am I alive?” 

Bucky motioned towards Sam and I gave him a quick nod of thanks. 

“What did I miss?” I questioned. 

Suddenly hearing loud screams, all of our attention fell onto Thanos, who was fighting Tony for the gauntlet. My eyes watched with horror, almost as if I was having a Deja vu moments, watching Thanos prepare his fingers for the dreaded snap. 

“I am inevitable,” He smirked. 

When he snapped, however, nothing happened. No one around us had dusted away like last time. Bucky and Sam were both in their spots beside me. 

“No,” I breathed when I realized why the snap didn’t work. 

Tony held up in hand, all six infinity stones shining bright. “I am Iron Man.” 

With Tony’s snap, Thanos’ army started disappearing around us, dusting with the wind. Everyone watched in confusion until they realized that Tony had worn the gauntlet, snapping away our enemies. 

Steve had joined us now and I could see the weight lift from his shoulders, knowing that we had won. However, I don’t think we all knew what it cost; or who. 

“Stevie,” I pulled on his hand so he could see what I saw. 

Tony laid against a rock, taking his final breaths. The snap had been too much for him, his body not being able to handle it. 

Tears fell from Steve’s eyes and I gave his hand a squeeze, letting him know that we all felt what he was feeling. 

Sadness, grief, despair, and a gut wrenching loss. 

We all loved Tony, he had been the one that brought the Avengers together all those years ago, and he knew in the end that someone needed to make the sacrifice call. 

“What do we do now?” Sam questioned when everything had settled. 

I looked between the three men and let out a very shaky, uncertain breath. “I don’t know.” 

A heavy boot shut the door behind us, Bucky locking it while I sat down on the large bed with a deep groan. 

“Are you alright?” He wondered, kneeling in front of me. 

I started to nod but knew that it was a lie, everything post fight started to settle in on the way over to the hotel. No one could enjoy the victory or having their loved ones back, now knowing what it had cost. We had lost too many good people for this mission. Even though Tony and I hadn’t been close, it still broke my heart to see him take his final breath in front of all of us. 

We were also confused, the majority of us having nowhere to go, nowhere to turn. Our prior home had burned to the ground along with all of our belongings. 

Well, not everything. 

Steve thought it would be best for us to stay at a hotel for the night to recoup and prepare for tomorrow; Tony’s funeral and returning the stones. I wanted to give everyone more time to heal but knew the longer we waited for returning the stones, the worse effect it would have on our future. 

Sam and Steve were in the room across the hall from us, knowing that they needed to give Bucky and I some alone time. We had a lot to catch up on. 

“Hey,” Bucky lifted my chin with a gentle finger. “It’s okay.” 

I shook my head in his hand, tears starting to spill. “They didn’t deserve this ending, Buck. Tony and Nat should both be here. It’s not fair.” 

On the way to the hotel, Steve and I filled in Sam and Bucky on all of the important things they had missed the last five years. They were shocked to learn how long they had been gone for while Steve and I were shocked to hear that even though it was five years for us, it only felt like five minutes for them. 

“I know, doll,” Bucky hushed my cries with a kiss to the side of my forehead. 

Alongside the scar from the aftermath of me trying to kill myself the other night. So much had happened that it seemed so long ago.

“I have so much to tell you,” I sighed. 

Bucky nodded. “First, let’s get you cleaned up.” 

I agreed with an obnoxious groan of pleasure at the mere mention of a shower. Bucky slowly led me towards the bathroom and I hesitated once we crossed the threshold. 

“I know you’re probably expecting sex but my body is exhausted,” I fought. 

“Doll, all I want is to have your body next to mine. Sex can wait,” he admitted. 

Truthfully, I wanted to tell Bucky about Steve and I before we had sex. He deserved to know the truth; about everything. 

Cool vibranium fingers traced the patterns down my left arm and over the star on my shoulder. Bucky’s breath warmed my bare shoulders as I laid in front of him, enjoying his touch. 

“I still can’t believe you got this tattooed,” he breathed against my neck. 

His lips left small kisses, causing shivers throughout my body. 

“It was a dark point in my life, Buck. We thought that we weren’t getting anyone back so I went on a murdering spree, killing Hydra members.” I admitted. 

Bucky rolled me onto my back and propped himself up on one hand, eyes looking down at me. His familiar scent had engulfed my nostrils, him lathering himself in my favorite body was; teakwood and mint. 

Our shower had been anything but sexy. The dirt and blood that we washed off ourselves stained the shower floor, turning the water black the instant we stepped inside. Bucky had washed my hair with a loving scalp massage and went on and on about how he couldn’t believe my hair turned to literal fire tonight. 

“I studied my powers, getting stronger”. I had informed him with a shrug as if it was no big deal. 

After our shower and after we had washed one another, I sat in front of him on the bed while Bucky braided my hair back. The small intimate moments between us had returned, almost as if he had never left. 

“Doll?” 

Thinking back to the present, I looked up at Bucky with a small smile. “What?” 

He let out a deep chuckle. “I asked if you wanted to get some sleep.”

The blueness of his eyes had made my heart skip a beat and jump into my throat. He looked at me with so much love and adoration which made the guilt eat away at me once more. I couldn’t hold it in any longer, Bucky needed to know the truth. 

“Actually, we really need to talk,” I stated while sitting up in bed. 

I wrapped the sheet around my naked body tighter. We still hadn’t had sex but wanted to feel each others skin on one another, which proved to be hard for him. His dick continued to press up against the back of my thigh. 

Bucky nodded with a sigh and sat in front of me. “About you and Steve?” 

I looked at him dumbfounded. He had found out?

“How did you?” I asked. 

“I was gone for five years, Y/N. I didn’t expect you to wait around for me and with the history between the two of you, it was bound to happen,” Bucky shrugged as if it hadn’t bothered him.

It hadn’t. 

I was expecting to feel jealousy, anger, or rage coming from him but all I felt was acceptance. 

“You’re not mad at me? You don’t want to punch a wall or storm out while calling me a slut?” I asked, shocked. 

“God, no!” Bucky shook his head. “Is that what people do?”

“Typically yes, when they found out their girlfriend cheated on them,” I replied while messing with my hands. 

He cupped them with his own to stop the nerves. 

“You thought I wasn’t coming back, doll. I won’t hold that against you. Can you just promise it won’t happen again?” He asked with pleading eyes. 

Immediately I shook my head while cupping his face. “Never.” 

We shared a passionate kiss, short but sweet, and when Bucky pulled away, he motioned to the bed. 

“Anything else you want to talk about or can we get some sleep?” He questioned. 

There was one more thing I had wanted to talk to him about but decided it would be better to surprise him with it so I shook my head. 

“I’m definitely ready for some sleep.” 

A very unattractive yawn slipped through my lips at the mention of sleep and Bucky couldn’t help but chuckle. 

“I’ve missed you doll but I sure as hell didn’t miss you stealing all the blankets.” 

I gasped at his confession while he pulled me into his chest, wrapping the blanket around us in our own private cocoon. 

“I do not steal the blanket, Mr. Snores so loud I want to smother him with a pillow!” I semi yelled. 

Bucky placed another kiss upon my lips. “I love you, Y/N. Sweet dreams.” 

Sniggling closer into his bare chest, I smiled into his warm skin. “I love you too, Buck.” 

That night was the first night in a very long time that I didn’t dream of dancing with his ghost. He finally was back where he belonged; in my arms.

[sugarfreecapsicle]

study buddy

bucky barnes x reader

Prompts: college!au (1.5k constellation writing challenge by @sunmoonandbucky); fake dating!au & unplanned bed sharing trope (star’s multi-fandom follower celebration by @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan )

Warnings: mentions of alcohol, bit of pining, lots of awkward interaction, fluff!!!!

Wordcount: 2k-ish

A/N: oh my god, y’all, I can’t believe two of my favorites have challenges going on at the same time. I’m so honored to call them both friends - both are phenomenal writers in their own right and I am always floored by their respective work. I love the both of your oh so dearly and am so happy you’ve reached such important milestones! You deserve every happiness, and I hope this fic can bring you just a little of that.

Gif Credit (x)

Assigned seating did not end in grade school. The nightmare of desk dictatorship held strong in Fury’s classroom - a man of simple rules and unquestioned respect for his time. Your research into your professors via many forums and sites like RateMyProfessor did not alert you to the nightmare of obeying his law to the letter.

“If I were sorry about my decision, I’d apologize, but I’ve always been an honest man. You chose your seat, you chose your partner, and you chose to break up. That’s a personal problem to solve on personal time. Not mine. See you next class.”

Your conversation on the phone with Wanda and Maria definitely didn’t help lift your mood. Wanda, empathetic and full of irrational resolutions like falsifying a restraining order. Maria, ever practical and smug with her I-told-you-so attitude.

“I don’t know what else you expected from Fury of all people,” Maria chuckled before biting into an apple slice. “Even if he thinks Brock is an asshole, he won’t make an exception without something dire on the line.”

“Maybe you can just switch classes? I’m pretty sure there’s an opening in-” “Wanda, I love you, but I can’t switch classes two weeks from finals.” You pinch the bridge of your nose, squeeze your eyes shut in the afternoon sun. “I’ll just...I’ll just handle this as gracefully as I can.”

“Godspeed,” Maria deadpans before dropping the call.

“Y’know, I didn’t want to have to resort to this,” Wanda’s trepidation fueled your oncoming tension migraine, “but maybe it’s time to call in your favor with Bucky.”

Your heart drops somewhere on the pigeon-shit sidewalk.

“Wanda....I think you might be right.”

The saying goes that once you’ve hit rock bottom there’s nowhere to go but upward. If calling in a favor to your freshman year crush turned campus heartbreaker didn’t qualify, you didn’t want to find out where bedrock truly could be.

You shouldn’t be surprised to find a technology major in the library swamped with work on a Tuesday, but when that student is James Buchannan Barnes, it’s worthy of flipping the world ass over teakettle. Dashing as ever, stormy eyes, chestnut hair combed just so. Your backpack thuds on the floor beneath the co-op table, and his eyes find you.

“Hey, stranger,” he murmurs with an impossibly charming smile that lights his entire face. “Where have you been since August?”

Fighting a smile around Bucky is futile, so you let a grin appear. “Unfortunately dating Brock and sitting next to him in Fury’s class.”

His smile pulls into a tight wince as you take your seat across from him and retrieve your laptop from your bag.

“I don’t envy you.” Bucky waves and nods briefly at another student passing by behind you, and you turn to notice it’s a shapely redhead you recall from last semester’s art history class. “He won’t budge without legal documentation at best.”

Your fingers twist and curl together in nonsensical patterns in your lap. “Well, I was hoping to get Brock off my case, actually.”

Bucky doesn’t respond more than raised eyebrows and startled blinking. 

“Would...could you be my fake boyfriend long enough to convince Brock we aren’t getting back together?” It comes out all rushed and nervous, syllables running together like a skittering mouse across the kitchen floor. Your heart hammers against your chest, determined to break free of your body every second Bucky stalls his reply. You can’t read him - he’s still leaned back in dumbfounded silence. 

At long last he leans in, hands steeple between the two of you, calculating gleam in his eye. “If you’ll help me figure out how to pass this English Lit final, I’ll actually date you.” 

You both laugh quietly, minding the nearby staff eyeing your space at the table. Pink tinges your cheeks dangerously beyond mere flattery. 

“Let’s just agree to fake dating for now, and we’ll see if you can still stand to share space with me after a few weeks.”

“Deal.” Bucky extends his hand, you grasp it and shake to your agreement. Your fingers reluctantly move to let go, but Bucky holds firm and pulls the back of your hand to his smirking lips. “Whatever you need, darlin’.”

Days later you’re still tingling from his public affection in the library. Could you have been imagining the color shift in his eyes when he peered over your hand or was it purely fantasy? Lack of caffeine, mental fixation from stress - more likely than any truth to how deeply in character he seemed to be already.

Bucky escorts you to your classes with his fingers threading yours, a hand at the small of your back, an arm flung around your shoulders. He’s in your ear, whispering jokes and delicious plans for the rest of your time together, kissing your forehead or your cheek when you reach the door. Keeping your arrangement from Wanda and Maria could only be explained by the stress of impending finals, and you’d managed to avoid inevitable party and holiday invitations. If nothing else, this pretending made the idea of being near Brock again less intimidating.

Fury Friday arrived sooner than you’d felt it should, and as set in precedent, Bucky strolls next to you with his hand in yours, beaming and chatting about how he’d managed to bring his scores up enough in Statistics to earn a pass on his final and thereby free up his weekend. Dread skirted in your lungs, a distant siren’s call to your sense of reason as the reality of sitting next to Brock for two hours pressed upon you. 

“Are you going to tell me what’s on your mind or are you gonna keep me guessing?”

He’s too good at this, and Bucky has to know it. “Sorry, I...am not looking forward to this.”

“I can’t think of anyone that looks forward to a Fury class to be fair,” he laughs breathily and puts a soothing hand to your waist. A kiss lingers on your forehead, and Bucky’s spicy cologne takes over your senses in a tight embrace. “Especially with Rumlow as your seatmate.”

His whispered acknowledgment makes your whole body shiver, and he responds with a few brushes over your arms and back to stir away the obvious chilled gust of wind that’s painted your cheeks pink again.

“Knock ‘em dead, killer,” he teases with a single knuckle against your chin. Bucky’s nose brushes just barely against yours, and then he’s dashing down the hallway with a wave over his shoulder. It dawns on you as you take your seat - your neighbor pleasantly absent - that Bucky could be sacrificing too much for a fake relationship, for your sake. Brock could be all bark and no bite, but a small part of you felt he could be a breath away from snapping. Others are milling about the room, so you pull your phone out and send Bucky a text. The little heart next to his name stings somewhere deep in your chest.

You’re not missing classes just to walk me to and from, right?

Your laptop is open and ready to go, humming to life while you bend beneath the elongated desks to make sure you could plug into an outlet if need be. The buzz of a reply sends you hurtling into the composite tabletop, a loud thud followed by tittering giggles around the filling room.

Brock is glaring down at you and your phone screen, mouth in a thin line, eyebrows knitted together. You don’t say a word to him and try to keep his prying eyes from your screen.

Not missing, exactly, but cutting it close. Don’t worry about me, I’m fine.

“Didn’t take you long to hop on someone else’s dick, did it?”

His voice churns in your stomach, but you don’t acknowledge him. Had this been any other class but Fury’s you could put in earbuds and block him out. Brock’s eyes are on you, or at least the cold sweat chilling the back of your neck makes you think as much, and he’s seething, boring holes into your form. For two hours. For an entire Fury lecture.

Your shoe catches one of the rear legs of his chair, but you can’t bother to turn around and apologize - not like the seat budged under the star athlete. Bucky grins as you exit through the wide double doors, moves to wrap an arm around you, and you pull him by his jacket to your lips. You’re lost in his cologne, the feel if his mouth on yours, his body heat against the biting December cold. There’s a hum, something of a moan quiet enough to feel and dream of hearing - and you can’t be sure if it came from you or Bucky. With a dizzied wobble, you’re separated and Bucky’s eyes are still closed, arms cocooning you against his form.

“Hey,” he chuckles, voice deep and husky, the grin tugging at the right corner of his mouth.

“Hi,” you’re just as breathy and more than a little wanting. “Ready for the weekend?”

______________________________________

Friday night passes without a mention of the kiss.

The entirety of Saturday passes, and no mention of the kiss.

And it’s all you can think about. Forget studying for finals, forget meal prepping for the guaranteed necessity of pre-made lunches and dinners. That kiss.

You’d caught him off guard, but he didn’t hesitate to respond hungrily. Bucky tasted of honeyed tea and cinnamon chewing gum, carried the warmth of summer sun beneath his jacket. You hadn’t considered prior to the rash decision to just fucking kiss him that your senses would swim in his aftershave, his sheer proximity, the comfort of him. For you, Bucky had never been so tangible.  

Truthfully, Bucky had never been tangible for anyone - notorious campus-wide for gracefully bowing out of invitations for dates, one night stands even. People of course talked, spread rumors that he had to be dating a professor in secret, that he had a long distance relationship with a supermodel overseas. 

Until that kiss two days ago.

Bucky arranged for time to cram for his English Lit final with you tonight in his apartment, more for the convenience of avoiding scorned women at every corner of your dorm than anything else. He did have more space, privacy and faster internet than the supplied campus Wi-Fi. 

Is it appropriate to bring wine to a study session or is that strictly for dinner parties? Maybe some appetizers? Seven o’clock on a Sunday night typically meant binging as many football games as anyone could consume, especially in a college town. 

You’re buzzed up to this apartment, cream puffs in hand, and freeze when Steve opens the door to a living room full of people in various coordination of navy and ivory. The tall blonde ushers you in and sweeps your dessert out of your hands before you can locate your study buddy.

“Buck’s in his room,” Steve offers with some mischief. “Says he needs to pass this final, so he’s passing on the game night.”

It’s easy enough to figure out which room with a shut door is Bucky’s when Sam walks out of the bathroom and immediately checks the score on his phone (the space around the smaller television is too busy to see). You knock, probably a little too lightly at first, but the second set of taps nearly clock Bucky’s throat.

He’s beaming, cheeks flushed, smile wide - like a smitten kid. His electric touch pulls you into his bedroom already scattered with his scrawlings and textbooks. The door barely provides enough sound protection from the party for you to feel comfortable at attempting to concentrate.

“I really thought Steve had an away game this weekend, but I hadn’t thought about having a bye week for finals -” Bucky stops, feet strategically between loose paper and dog-eared texts. And god, he’s looking at you like that again and you can’t breathe. 

Suddenly you understand the gravity of your feelings, and your mouth goes dry.

This isn’t fake for you. Not anymore.

“Really, I’m glad you still wanted to help me out.” Bucky’s sincere, permanently grinning as he’s rearranging his chaotic floorspace to make room for you. You swallow hard as you eye the sliver of skin between his sweater and his lounge pants, the well-loved hoodie pooling around his middle as he bends from his hips. When he’s upright and inviting you to settle in, you decide that professionalism has to outweigh your own personal crisis - think like Fury.

Hours later, the two of your are in a shambles - Bucky insisted you change into a pair of his sweats and a tee shirt in the event of an all nighter, you’d made a run for fast food, and your eyes can hardly stay open long enough to fact-check Bucky’s recitation. 

“I think maybe we should call it a night,” he yawns, interrupting his monologue. You nod mutely and move to get up when Bucky catches your arm. “Uh, I mean, you could...you could stay.”

You shouldn’t, though, for reasons Bucky doesn’t know - but he has an excellent argument: you’re in no shape to get yourself home and with the party still going strong outside his bedroom there’s no way he can drive you home. 

Bucky helps you get to your feet and smooths his hands over your shoulders. “Scout honor, no funny business. They’ll all crash on top of each other in the living room and Steve’s room. You’d at least have a little more space in here. I’ll take the floor -” 

“Absolutely not, Bucky Barnes.” Your tone even surprises you; the Fury switch quickly dissipates. “I mean, I can’t in good conscience let you do that, it’s your room. We can...we can just share, if you don’t mind -”

“Not at all.” Maybe it’s your drowsiness but he seems eager. “Just washed the sheets anyway, and the blanket’s something Mom and Gran quilted for me as a kid.”

Soft cotton and jersey envelop your aching muscles, and a betraying moan of contentment escapes you when Bucky curls into bed next to you. He’s warm, a furnace beneath the covers, haven from the biting cold. 

His stubble, still unshaven from Friday, borders on scruff and tickles your forehead. Hands ease over your back, tentative, hesitant. You can’t deny him and certainly can’t deny yourself this moment. 

“Darlin’?”

He’s whisper soft, cotton candy words prickling against your skin. You hum and his hands still against your shirt.

“Wasn’t kidding about actually dating you, y’know. If you want to take up the offer-”

Your fingers are on his lips, you crane your body to get a better look at his beautiful, tired face. 

“Ask me again in the morning, Buck. After coffee. So I know this isn’t delirium.”

He sighs and presses a tired smile into your forehead. “Whatever you need, darlin’.”

[ziracona]

i was just wondering what your favourite tropes and dynamics are to explore in fic? either to write yourself or to read!

Oooh, that’s a hard one to answer because I like so many! Uhhh...Let me think.

Well, one of my favorite tropes is definitely Found Family. What is really more satisfying and worthwhile than a group of damaged people coming together and slowly building trust and love until they are inseparably bonded and full of love and have found things they never thought they would? 

I am extremely weak to memory loss both because I have some myself, and the American Dragon Jake Long episode Homecoming ripped out my heart as a kid and left me suffering, then Code Geass stepped on it twice with Shirley the same way. So I really like memory loss centered tragedy tropes bc I am 3x weak to them. I am also weak to that trope where one person is trapped in a room with a bomb, or going to drown, or for whatever reason cannot be saved from dying, so a loved one goes and stays and dies with them too just so they don’t have to die alone. Frkn /shatters/ my heart.

I love hurt comfort a lot. I think my favorite scenes to write and read are often one person is completely at the mercy of person 2, who they have no reason to think will help them and are terrified of being hurt by, but instead of person 2 doing anything bad at all, they are kind and look after them and save them. I die for that. It is the lifeblood of my soul.

I also like big character arcs and well done redemption arcs (bad ones make me rage tho. If I was a card in a tarot deck, I’d be Justice). Personal growth, finding hope again, learning to trust or love yourself. I really like character studies, and I like in-depth looks at serious issues and complex and messed up situations. I also am a big fan of deeply important and lasting platonic relationships, be it familial or best friends or whatever, and like romances where the two in question (or more if poly) just try really hard to be good to each other and communicate well and are full of love and would die for each other. 

Love pets being a big element of story. Love language barriers, and like writing them/communication barriers. I am usually not very interested in stories (writing or reading) that don’t have good rep in a number of ways. Like writing disabled characters well because I see them get written very grossly so much (I like writing tons of groups this is just the one I did most recently, so it’s on my mind rn. I am disabled, but I’m also a lot of other things to & def don’t only focus on/be interested by my own stuff). I am kinda branching out from tropes to just elements now tho. Uhhhhh, tropes, tropes. I love the opposite of that stupid “If you kill an evil person you’re just as bad”--I am here to see people end the people who murdered their friends or abused them. It’s what they deserve. Not here for a woobie redemption arc for an abuser. Very tired of those & angy. 

I love humor in the midst of intense drama or horror or sadness. I’m big into massive sacrifices, but especially if it’s something other than death bc those tend to be more well thought out.

I adore characters who have been through awful things and suffered and been abused getting to actually heal and live happy lives instead of just dying the second they start to taste happiness. I love themes and tropes about the value and lasting nature of human connection and how important and lasting it is.

(putting the rest under a cut bc I am having fun but this be getting long)

Uhhh, I am obsessed with free will > fate and choice, and I really like humanity and things about what it means to be human, and ethics, but like, in an interesting way? Like, Terry Pratchett’s stuff really appeals to me. Like  “What have I always believed? That on the whole, and by and large, if a man lived properly, not according to what any priests said, but according to what seemed decent and honest inside, then it would, at the end, more or less, turn out all right.”    “Just because you can explain it doesn't mean it's not still a miracle.”   “The figures looked more or less human. And they were engaged in religion. You could tell by the knives (it's not murder if you do it for a god).”   “There are hardly any excesses of the most crazed psychopath that cannot easily be duplicated by a normal kindly family man who just comes in to work every day and has a job to do.”    “There’s no point in believing in things that exist.”    “You couldn’t put off the inevitable. Because sooner or later, you reached the place when the inevitable just went and waited.”  and   

“Yeah? How many worshipers have you got?”  “Fifty-one!” The newt looked at him hopefully, and added, “Is that lots? Can't count.” It pointed at a rather crudely molded figure on the beach in Omnia and said, “But got a stake!”  Om looked at the figure of the little fisherman. “When he dies, you'll have fifty worshippers,” he said.  “That more or less than fifty-one?” “A lot less.”  “Definite?”  “Yes.”  “No one tell me that.” There were several dozen gods watching the beach. Om vaguely remembered the Ephebian statues. There was the goddess with the badly carved owl. Yes. Om rubbed his head. This wasn't god-like thinking. It seemed simpler when you were up here. It was all a game. You forgot that it wasn't a game down there. People died. Bits got chopped off. We're like eagles up here, he thought. Sometimes we show a tortoise how to fly. Then we let go.  He said, to the occult world in general, “There's people going to die down there.”  A Tsortean God of the Sun did not even bother to look round. “That's what they're for,” he said. In his hand he was holding a dice box that looked very much like a human skull with rubies in the eye-sockets.  “Ah, yes,” said Om. “I forgot that, for a moment.” He looked at the skull, and then turned to the little Goddess of Plenty. “What's this, love? A cornucopia? Can I have a look? Thanks.” Om emptied some of the fruit out. Then he nudged the Newt God. “If I was you, friend, I'd find something long and hefty,” he said.  “Is one less than fifty-one?” said P'Tang-P'Tang.  “It's the same,” said Om, firmly. He eyed the back of the Tsortean God's head.  “But you have thousands,” said the Newt God. “You fight for thousands.”  Om rubbed his forehead. I spent too long down there, he thought. I can't stop thinking at ground level. “I think,” he said, “I think, if you want thousands, you have to fight for one.” He tapped the Solar God on the shoulder. “Hey, sunshine?” When the God looked around, Om broke the cornucopia over his head.

Are all just from Small Gods, and like, boy is that my kinda good shit. Love history and sociology and anthropology. 

I love people fighting to do something they know is doomed to fail just because they know it’s the right thing. I also die for characters who are loyal undyingly, and characters admitting they were wrong and trying to do better, and that trope where someone says something but the exact opposite is happening in the background or happens immediately after. Love that trope where someone should be dead but they just. keep. getting. back. up. to defend someone they love. Love the trope where character A dies and character B takes something of theirs like a bracelet or a necklace or a headband or something and wears it forever after. : (((    

I know there’s a ton more but ima swap to dynamics. 

Let’s see. I adore familial relationships so much? Blood family, adopted, doesn’t matter, it’s exactly the same. I am huge on one character becoming team mom or dad or parent, or adopting some of the others. I love parent-kid relationships, even with adults and older adults, because it’s just as important. I adore small children being cared for by gruff war-hardened people, or selfish dicks who have to be better for the kid, or kind people who always wanted a kid and lost their own or never had one, or who are happy to add one more, or big sisters Clemtine style stepping into parenthood. Live for that, and I seek out video games that let me play it. Very excited to be trying out Plague’s Tale Innocence, because you play as a big sis taking care of your little brother (he’s like 6? 5-8? I’m not sure). But it’s such a neat idea for a sibling dynamic to explore, because while they’re siblings and know each other’s name and have like, a familial bond, it’s also all kind of awkward and new, because he’s been sick for years and in quarantine with just their mom, so even though they’re siblings and love each other and like, baby brother trusts you, they don’t really know each other at all, and that is just fascinating and so cool to explore to me! I also love someone adopting someone else as their new sibling(s) and dragging them into the family. I love siblings where one starts to go evil or mess up, and the other sibling fights with everything they have to save them/bring them back/help them become good again, because it breaks my heart and sibling relationships are /so/ important to me.

I also love shit like Jeff in dbd, where one character adopts younger characters who just /super/ don’t deserve it, because as much as they’ve fucked up, they love them anyway, they just do, and they want to be there to give them support and a chance to keep trying if they’ll take it. And like, I love all of Legion’s relationships with him, but especially Joey, because it’s /so/ sweet, and Joey is just a scared kid hurting and alone and he wants /so bad/ just to be loved and thought well of and okay, but he’s terrified of getting hurt or killed, and confused, and guilty and afraid of what will happen because of all the bad shit he did, and Jeff is just so warm and forgiving and full of nothing but unconditional love and kindness, and in the sincerest of ways, and they’re such good friends, which is like, not optional to a good parent-child relationship. Or way older brother filling in for parent-kid, there’s a lot of overlap. Anyway! Also just cute shit where someone falls in love with the idea of getting to look out for and stay close to someone younger they want to protect and parent, and there’s this kind of hopeful and almost fragile unsureness that the other person will want or need them in that capacity, like Ace adopting Nea, and not just picking looking out for someone who needs it over former life of thrill, but like, never regretting that choice, and just being truly happy and fulfilled in the adventure they now are on.

For friendships, god. I like so much shit, I don’t know what to say. I am so sorry I am giving you a novel for an answer to this short ask, rip. But I just love all kinds! I like groups with an established rhetoric between them, who are just so comfortable in each others’ presence, and people you know love and value each other so much they’re going to be together forever just as much as the two other characters getting married. I love one is a nice person, and the other is an asshole, but they make an amazing team and balance each other out, and the asshole stops the kind one from dying doing shit for other people, and the kind one helps the asshole be just a little more in love with their friends and things other than themself, and they’re great together. I love idiot friends who riff off each other and do bits all the time, and ones who turn into the “Holy shit there’s two of them” whenever they hang out, and ones who are just so on the same wavelength they’re totally comfortable in silence together and seek it out and would die for the other. I like wingman to person who is dying of embarrassment dynamic, and hardcore fighty person protecting either small and easily hurt person, or just as great, protecting dedicatedly person who is ironically either just as tough as them or even more, but it’s still really sweet and kind of double soft and sweet because tough friend never gets cared for.

God, what don’t I like? ...People being toxic assholes together?

I like super opposites that mesh well, but look hilarious next to each other, and goofy best friends who shamelessly sing loud to the most embarrassing karaoke track they could find. Lesbian and himbo is pretty great. As is the opposite, gay dude and stupid amazing slut or bimbo. (Fkn Mateo and Cheyanne kill me). Sweetest person you will ever know surrounded by 20 people who would die for them. Person who thinks they’re unlovable and takes a long time to notice like all their friends already love them, and then they get to be happy. Person who has never once had a good relationship is dragged into a healthy friendship and /super/ suspicious at every turn because they just aren’t used to being loved and treated well, but eventually softens and probably straight up breaks down at some point.

Person who was formerly bad or did something super fucked up is forgiven and welcomed into a group which they can barely even understand, and they are full of guilt but their loved ones reassure them and help them heal and just accept them and support them. Friends who are super mean to other friend but like, in a loving way, and would also take a bullet for the friend.

Uhhh, for romances, my fave is characters who just fucking love each other. I am real tired of relationship drama. Like pining and issues and star crossed lovers are all great (I think of those, star-crossed lovers is my fave), but I mean like, the shit where people keep having misunderstandings or not talking or cheating on each other just so there can be drama--that I am sick of. I love it when person A does something super badass and probably a little unexpected and person B is like “That’s my wife!!!” or just goes : O with love in their eyes, and this happens constantly.  I love gushy mushy sweet displays of affection. I love relationships where the people who are dating were best friends first and still are after, all the way, and tease and rib and are so in love.

I like it when one person thinks they don’t deserve the other, but clearly their partner feels none of this and is always just like “Babe...” and hugs them and is just as in love, and helps them begin to love themself more. 

Uhhhh, I like it when there’s someone who doesn’t think they’re in love and there’s that trope where they suddenly get it and you get the Oh or the Wait in italics as it drops internally. I like ships where the characters balance each other out well or provide good support and get better together than they were apart, triple points if they’re super aware of that and comment on it. Also whatever the fuck Maureen Robinson and John Robinson in the Lost in Space reboot have going on. That’s like, goals. She’s chaotic evil living lawful good by sheer force of will, and he’s a himbo too in love to realize any of that and never questions what she thinks they should do beyond the physical logistics of it and would die for her and not think twice about it or the fact that she moves really fast to the pragmatic “Okay,”--not because she doesn’t love him, she does--but because someone does need to be alive for their kids and she’s just wired too practical for him to have to pry her off sobbing to not stay and die with him. (This happens verbatim in like episode 6, but it’s not a mega spoiler bc he doesn’t actually die--he just almost does. She figures out a way to save them both right before committing to it.)

I also like “two fools both in love but really nervous about asking the other if they are because of their past, or situation, or because this is the first time or first time with that kind of relationship, so there’s just intense romantic tension all the time where they pause mid-sentence to just stare into eachothers’ eyes and forget what they were saying, but they’re both too ineffective to just fucking go “Do you like me?” for such a long time. Hurt/comfort paired with pining. Uhhh, but Star Crossed Lovers is up there for sure. I love the pain of two people wanting to be together but it’s just /impossible/ and they know it but that doesn’t make the feelings go away, and it’s miserable, and maybe they’re upset, because they shouldn’t feel this way, but they can’t not, and it’s confused, and it hurts, but they’re also so /happy/ when they see each other. I like that good shit in any romance where the characters can just look at each other and they know, and you know. That’s the choice shit, I tell you that.

Jeeze I’m sure I missed stuff but this is already so long. Uhhh, I like so much I don’t really know how to answer. But my favorite like, vibe/....flavor genre? Is Hope Punk. Uhhh, and mostly I dig any relationships that end up healthy and sweet. I really like second-chances, and characters confronting and moving on past their bad or complicated pasts, or trauma, and healing. Hurt comfort is love, and so is angst with a happy ending. I like a good villain or a wonderful asshole, but I feel like characters that are just good and doing their best really get overlooked and undervalued a lot, and I am here for them. Like Sam Gamgee? One of the /best/ characters in LOTR. So is Bob Newby--and I do get the irony in them both being played by Sean Astin. But uh, anyway, I really like to explore how decent people try to act when confronted with terrible situations and choices, because I really value people who stayed sweet and kind and merciful and full of love even after all the awful shit life has put them through, and I really like writing about how /hard/ that is, and what it looks like, along with the other stuff. I also like characters who are very flawed and very medium being given something to lose and something to gain that go in opposite directions, and being forced to confront their reality and make hard choices. I like people being given intense opportunities to grow or to rot, and seeing which they’ll chose and why and if they’ll make it to the end. Mostly I just really love characters who try, even if they fail, because that can be a lot harder to do than it seems. I like dynamics where one character is very flawed, or in a bad place, but they love someone they think is amazing, and so they’re working hard to catch up to them, or to get close enough they can reach out and hold their hand, and are fighting to make it to a person themselves who can do that someday. I’m sure I forgot a lot and that this was super rambly, but I hope you at least enjoyed some of it! Thanks for asking! ^u^

[paragonevil]

I'm gonna be honest, as far as Aku, evil overlord dictator of an empire that's dedicated to wiping out most if not all of humanity, you write him too mushy. He's supposed to be a sociopath, from what we see in the show, but you have him being shipped with like, a dozen people. You write him waaayy too nice. That being said, I suppose if you didn't, you would have very limited interaction with people, and you've written out "development" for him, but the point still stands that he's way too roman

What do you think about my interpretation? | accepting!

ooc ★ Before I get onto my response, I’d like to thank you for having the audacity to send this. I feel there’s this unhelpful idea in the rpc that people have to agree with everything you post; and to say you disagree with someone’s interpretation is often met with ferocious resistance. But when I reblog memes of this nature asking for opinions, I want the good and the bad. I AM always looking to improve, and to not take criticism when I so freely dish it would be hypocritical of me, I guess. ( For lack of a better word, right off the top of my head. )

I COULD put this under a cut, but I feel this is important enough to just let it sit out in the open. It’s something I’ve been thinking about a while.

That said, two things for you.

Firstly, I LOVE writing violence! In fact, I’d go so far as to say it’s in my top two favorite things to write, right beside slow-burn romance ( and particularly one-sided yearning ). However, while I used to jump at every opportunity to write violence, I can admit I’ve since slowed down a bit. Not only because I’ve gotten progressively less and less people coming to Aku trying to pick a fight with him, but also because I’ve come to feel that fight threads without a purpose to further the plot are repetitive and somewhat boring. It tends to be a lot of the same-old same-old; repetitive actions, repetitive imagery. And yes, while this is a significant piece of his character in the show, and I love exploring it even further and particularly pushing the bounds of his abilities, if it doesn’t serve a purpose in the greater scheme of a plot or an arc then... Why waste your time with it? And frankly this goes for all repetitive actions, like gratuitous sex and slice-of-life. If it doesn’t serve a purpose to write, such as say to kill an important enemy or fight a significant battle or even to maim a loved one when he’s not himself and bring down the angst hammer, then? Why.

Secondly, despite not wanting to write violence just for the sake of violence... I can admit I want some conflict over here. But that’s just the thing. In Aku’s main verse he’s samurai-less. I did this simply because the NUMEROUS Jack blogs there used to be have since become inactive, and if my initial intention with Aku’s blog almost from the very start was for him to kill a Jack and switch over to my Bad End universe, I can’t very well have Aku always worried about a ghostly, intangible threat that he can’t confront. And of all the Jack’s on this hellsite, of which I’ve written with and followed more than a few along the way, I can only name ONE which is still active. ( And another which followed me today, on that note, but they don’t have a rules nor an about page, so. )  ...But that first Jack I mentioned, @sonxflight, we don’t really write anymore. Nowadays Dari’s been more focused on fluff / romance threads, and I’ve been more interested in developing Aku’s mental health. Aku isn’t gonna go out of his way to confront a Jack that he views as not being his problem. Dari’s Jack isn’t the one from my Aku’s universe. Dari and I just kinda tag each other in dash memes and comment on one another’s posts once in a while; and that’s about the extent I see action from a Jack nowadays.

I would LOVE some more conflict on this blog! But I’m not going out of my way to find it if it doesn’t particularly serve to further my current plot— which is Aku’s eventual ascension to Godhood at the end of this year. And that’s another thing, if Aku himself doesn’t stand to gain anything from talking to someone, inciting a conflict, or being a dick to somebody, he’s pretty much going to keep his distance. He finds most people to be a waste of his time; and this is nothing against other RPers whom I love seeing on dash! Because lord knows I’d love to push him to interact with folks. But if Aku himself looks down his nose at most people and finds them not only boring but also boorishly stupid, then there’s not much else for it. He sees others that come to him for money, freedom, and other boons in exchange for their services as nothing more than cattle; and frequently this is how his meetings with new people go. Meeting others out in the field is the best way to get a truly organic and not copy-and-pasted interaction out of him. And even then, there’s still numerous factors which would predicate how such an encounter might go.

Because there’s not too much conflict on this blog for now, I’ve decided to take greater liberties with exploring shipping and platonic relationships also. But for those of you who have followed me for a while, who have seen me mention on more than one occasion that slice-of-life threads aren’t really my schtick, I can understand why you might be a bit confused. Well, allow me to explain: the reason I’ve chosen to place greater emphasis on these kinds of relationships lately is to preclude a little RP / character bleed mishap which happened recently and which impacted my enjoyment when writing as him and even just simply being on this blog. And by ‘recently’ I mean slowly, over a period of the past several months.

Aku’s entire arc with Rick demonstrated to both of us that he’s in an incredibly bad kind of headspace in regards to healthy relationships on this blog. In his universe with Rick, basically all his ties are a result of his relationship with Rick. Bill ( wildgcd, whose blog has since been deleted ) and Ashi ( @tigersteeth ) are both inactive, and have been for months +. They’re the only ones with whom Aku has a healthy relationship that isn’t directly tied to Rick in that universe, and as a result he tends to rely quite heavily on Rick for his social needs. So when Rick left him too, Aku’s abandonment issues reared their head. Unhelpfully, mun has a problem with abandonment amongst a slew of emotional / psychological problems quite similar in nature to the one’s Aku suffers from— albeit with a fun little mortal twist. 🤗 So I knew I needed to take action so I could comfortably be on his blog in the inevitability that Stephanie goes on hiatus again. Which is why I’m trying to focus a bit more on building more platonic and romantic relationships besides the ones with Rick and co. that way Aku has more people with whom to spend his time when Rick is away.

Furthermore, now that Jack’s out of the picture regardless of verse, Aku’s allowed himself to focus more on making friendships and forming attachments just in general. One of the reasons he tended not to do such before is because he felt that Jack would kill whomever he felt close to in an effort to get to him. In fact, he even shouted at Rick for daring to mention that he and Jack could possibly work together to build a future which would be brighter and better for everyone; because he felt certain that Rick would wind up being targeted by Jack to get to Aku.

He’s started going to therapy, also, to address long-held mistaken beliefs in himself, too. Beliefs which interfered with the relationships he had tried to foster with others; it was enough to frustrate him, when he let himself acknowledge such, and he knew he needed to sit down and talk with someone professionally if he didn’t exactly have friends around per se with whom he could talk. Also, I personally believe he chose not to do such before, because his very existence was hinged on destroying Jack so he could conquer the universe in peace without meeting resistance. While he knew he was unhappy and knew furthermore that he had some problems that needed addressing— and had even made a thin attempt to talk about such with himself in show canon as you recall—  ultimately his mental well-being took second banana to making sure Jack was DEAD.

The therapy, coupled with his own slow internal journey, some perspective which was afforded to him during Rick’s absence, and some 4th wall Discord conversations has lent him valuable insight on the way he functions—and how Nightmare works too. Who, in many ways is just himself but with unchecked mental delusions and mistaken beliefs that had grown unchecked. He saw what had happened to Nightmare mentally, and didn’t want such a fate for himself. Hence the therapy and greater, braver attempts to let himself be closer to others.

Finally in the case of Bill and Nightmare... both of them take place in different universes, of course. Universes which in themselves were split just after the break up between Aku and Rick. Aku is still thoroughly alone in those universes, because again. He doesn't have Rick and all the people who were brought into his life as a result of his relationship with him. He’s at that point in his immortal life where he’d like to try his courage and test out the things he’d discovered about himself in therapy and in his personal self-explorations, and see about developing a relationship with someone with a fresh perspective with his recent failure as Rick’s partner in mind. Which is why he’s so amicable with them and trying to get to know them better. He wants to see what a healthy relationship, platonic or otherwise, developed on his own might be like.

However. I WILL acknowledge that Aku trying to make friends with people is ooc. It’s ALSO ooc for Aku to try fucking / romancing someone. There, I said it.

But you know why that is? It’s because that facet of his character was never explored in canon, even in all the comics, games, and the addition of the 5th season in 2017. So I suppose you could say that if I were to play him absolutely true to his canon material he’d only ever be a fucking mauling, mutilating, destroying, force of nature. Which yes, he still is despite my writing him how I do with a greater emphasis here lately on developing relationships with other characters. I ask you: isn’t the whole point of RP to develop dynamics and explore facets of a character that canon neglected? I could do fight threads all day, boy; but please ask yourself: how much would that really serve to further my interpretation and understanding of him, if at that point I’m just rehashing canon fights with a fresh coat of paint and different enemies? Whereas platonic and romantic relationships are a thoroughly headcanon and character-development heavy area for a character like Aku, who hasn’t had a single friendship or romantic relationship in his canon media.

And if you’d like cliff notes, rp examples of him being fucking EVIL, and links to evil headcanons I have you’re more than welcome to send a second ask asking for said information. But I think I’ve already given you plenty to think about and read, unless you’re some kind of masochist and want to torture yourself more with reading my self-absorbed and self-assured opinion. Thanks for making it this far, here’s your consolation prize.

TL;DR: Canon already gives me fights for days, boy. And while I thoroughly enjoy writing fight threads, they tend to be repetitive and exhausting if they’re not serving a purpose in a plot arc. Whereas things like interpersonal relationships for a character like Aku, who did not see such development in his canon media, is full of things to explore. And ultimately that’s what RP is about, exploring facets of a character which canon doesn’t explore for you. Once again, thank you for asking, and I hope this answers your question. I can provide examples for everything cited above, as well as fight threads and evil moments abound if you’d like. Furthermore, if there’s anything I do in RP which confuses you or which you feel is ooc, I invite you to jump in my askbox again with further questions. I’d be happy to explain my reasoning for ANYTHING I write!

P.S. I INVITE you to form your own opinions and compare me to my duplicates, 90-100% of whom are inactive. <:) Here they are, for your browsing convenience: @unspeakablyevil @akunoakuma @onibred @aku-blogs @shogundad Take a gander, consider what I just told you, and then see if you can hit me with this same anon again, yes? 😏💕

[wordsfromthesol]

Out of Place (6/6)

Author: @wordsfromthesol Pairing: Dick Grayson x Reader Summary: Meeting Dick, and the rest of the batboys.  You’re confused, since you are nowhere near Bludhaven or Gotham. Some tragedies, some battles, etc. Happy ending because I’m a sap. Warnings: Language, blood and torture and other injuries, light smut but not really. Word Count: 2.7k A/N: First full story is officially complete. I may have gone slightly overboard, but oh well.

Part 1   Part 2   Part 3   Part 4   Part 5

“Zatanna! A light!” M’gann gasped as two figures came out of the darkness. Dick was carrying Y/N. She looked so broken. “Dick…I don’t know. I don’t know that I can get her out in that state.”

“M’gann. Trust me. She can handle it.” Dick turned to Zatanna, “She’s got the necklace, right? I’ve seen what that thing can do. I’ve also seen what’s it done. It needs to come off. Without all this happening.”

“Dick, if it comes off…all those wounds you saw. They become unhealed. She will die.”

“But those memories, they were, they were terrible.” Dick shuttered thinking back.

“Those memories are only the tip of iceberg. That’s what came through while the necklace was off. Tim said it had been a few hours. Look at her Dick, do you think she could survive the rest of them? Even the ones that have been hidden and locked away. We will talk with the group, but I think they…and she will agree. It must remain on.”

And with those words M’gann and Zatanna began the spell to throw them back into their own bodies.

Apparently, it had been days, all four of them were in the med bay hooked up to life support machines. Zatanna and M’gann went to find the others. Dick ran immediately to your side.

“I was so worried, Y/N/N.”

“What…what happened? Were you…were you in my head? Or was I dreaming? I hate that feeling after someone has been rooting around in there. Wait…why do I remember that feeling?” You paused and looked up at Dick, tears pooling at your eyes. “Dick, what happened?”

He wasn’t sure if he should tell you at all. But your stubbornness got the best of him. He recalled the memories, though he left out several details on the most painful ones. Not that you needed the details. As soon as the doors to the memories were unlocked, it all came flooding back, even the ones you didn’t want back. Dick explained what Zatanna told him. Finally, he let out a long sigh, “I think I agree with her, but we need a way to make people think it’s gone. I can’t loose you again. To the league, to Eshu, to anyone.”

Jason slowly walked into the room. “You guys need more time? I can totally occupy myself in this corner over here” he winked at you.

“Oh, just get over here Jay.” You smiled and hugged him tight. “Alright, I got my boys. Now, we need a plan. Where’s that mastermind brother of yours…” Both of the boys shot death glares at you. “Only kidding! Man, someone woke up on the wrong side of my mind. In all seriousness, my loves, I need my father and I need Nabu…Dr. Fate…now.”

They walked out and left you in peace, to rest before the oncoming storm.

“My loves…don’t get any ideas Todd.”

“Calm your precious little wings Dickiebird. I wouldn’t dare…to not dream about it” Jason gave a sly wink and raced up the stairs.

It seemed like hardly any time had passed, but you were being gently shaken awake by Tim.

“Look, your dad, and Fate have arrived. Some people don’t think you should be in on this decision. I say, fuck that. It’s your life. I’ll take you to them, if you want.”

No words were said, you slowly slung you legs over the side of the bed and grasped on to Tim’s shoulder. You stumbled as Tim grabbed you firmly around the waist. “I think Dick would kill me if I let you fall. Then Jason would resurrect me…just to kill me himself.”

“Tim, I think that’s the first joke I’ve heard you make.” You chuckled out.

“Oh, believe me…that was not a joke.”

The two of you made your way up the stairs. The voices were coming from the living room. Yet, all those voices immediately ceased when you entered.

“What, you thought you could all sit around and discuss my fate, without me?” Dick quickly rose to help, but you held up your hand. “I think Tim’s got it. He actually wanted me to have a say in my own life.” Tim slowly helped you over to the chair, and then ran to grab a blanket to cover the lovely, but cold hospital gown you donned. “Thanks Timmy,” you mumbled.

“Yeah, well I know what it’s like to not have a say in your own life. I thought something this important warranted your opinions, and you to hear all the options.” Tim took the seat next to Y/N and gently squeezed your knee.

Everyone was still silent. “OKAY. Well, I guess I’ll go first then.” You have to admit, you wanted Nabu and you father to feel guilty for what had happened. You wanted them all to feel guilty for not including you in the discussion about you. So, you went on in great detail about your torture at the hands of Ra’s al Ghul. How, the first thing he tried was to delve into your mind, yet something or someone forced him out. That actually bought you a few precious hours of reprieve, as the Demon needed time to heal his own mind. It didn’t last as he soon turned to more archaic means of torture. You described the different blades you felt pierce your body, the needles, the burning hot metal, all of it. Satisfied with everyone’s horrified faces, you also described what he told you.  

“He claimed I knew of the information, but the more hours I endured, his confidence began to falter. He began to tell me stories, old stories. Maybe to jog my memory. Though this Eshu character was not in them, they were stories of men and women. Boys and girls, that throughout generations could not be killed. The pain, yes, they felt that, they must endure it…so they know what it is to be alive. When the time came, at a ripe old age, the gift was passed to the next in line. Though Ra’s al Ghul could never tell me what this gift was, I see now, he himself did not know. It’s my necklace, isn’t it father.” You spat the word out, cold, but you didn’t wait for an answer. You already knew. “Though what I can’t figure out, is why it was given to you. You clearly never wore it or your mind would either be lost on the pathways to the underworld or Eshu would have been released when you inevitably lost this impossible challenge he poises. Though, Nabu, I suppose that’s where you come in.”

Everyone, still in shock from your recounts of previous events, turned towards Fate. “Yes. I played my hand. The amulet had gone far too long without being worn. The wearer is bestowed with the gift of life, so they can fight Eshu at every turn. The wearer must endure more trials than most, as the amulet attracts chaos, misfortune, trickery, and death. Your father’s great-grandmother sacrificed herself to an eternity of wandering so no other would have to bear the amulet. I came to your father, at your young age, and required him to bestow the gift to you. That way Eshu can be held at bay.”

Your father looked sheepishly away, but soon began to speak. “I was too old, Y/N. To take on the necklace. I would have perished almost immediately. The necklace takes hold better on a new mind, one that can be molded to fit its power. Once the necklace is passed, the new recipient spends weeks within the previous holder’s mind. They lead them safely to the underworld. This journey cements the powers of the necklace with your own mind. Though you do not remember, you spent months in darkness. Traveling through the pathways searching for…for my great-grandmother. Once you led her to salvation, you came back to the mortal world. I had Nabu alter your memory. It was far too dangerous a power for such a young mind to hold. I then learned of the Demon searching for the power, based upon his silly fairytales. So, I once again had Nabu scrub your memory of the trials you faced. This was the only way to keep you safe.”

“Well, I’m not safe anymore am I? Ra’s al Ghul will never stop hunting me. Hunting this.” You looked at Tim, “I don’t think I have anything else to say.” He gently helped you up, he could feel you falter behind your own weight. The conversation had surely taken its toll on you. One step and you nearly collapsed. Before Tim could swat his brother away, Dick had swooped you up and began to carry you back to the med bay. “No…Dick” your words came out soft and breathy. The next took all you had left, “I can’t go back down there. Please.” Dick gazed into your eyes and turned to go up the stairs instead of down. You smiled up at him and buried your head into his chest.

You woke in a bed that was not yours, and definitely not in the med bay. You glanced down at the arm that was securely around your stomach. Craning your neck, the best you could, you saw Dick. You tried to squirm out, but simply did not have enough energy.

“Stop moving, I am trying to sleep.”

“Dickkk…I have to pee.”

“Ugh, fine.” He released you, but before you could get out of the bed, you found yourself once again in his arms.

“I can walk, it’s like 10 feet away”

“Well, you couldn’t last night.” You huffed at him but couldn’t disagree. You honestly didn’t know if you could walk. He didn’t even let you try, as he sat you down right on top of the toilet.

“Are you just going to stand there?”

“Yep, because if I leave you are going to try and walk again.” Once again, you couldn’t disagree.

He sat you back down on the bed and crawled in beside you. You turned to face him.

“Dick”

“Hmmm”

“We need to talk”

“Y/N, I wasn’t trying to not include you. We were gathering the facts first while you rested. I have been completely open with you about this, so I definitely don’t deserve the third degree.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“You know?” His eyes finally opened to look at you.

“Well yeah, and I know if you even tried to do that, Jay would’ve slapped you into tomorrow. He’s my best friend.” Well that was the wrong comment. Dick scowled and shot upright.

“Right, fine. Let me just go get him then.”

“Dick,” you said softly as you grabbed his wrist, “this was never just a friendship. Don’t you know that?” Laying back down, he turned to face you.

“What if it all goes wrong? You know how much danger I’m in regularly. You don’t deserve that.” You couldn’t help yourself, you began laughing. You clutched your side, as you felt one of the wounds reopen.

“You…you heard that conversation earlier right? I literally attract chaos, misfortune, trickery, and death. Isn’t it only fitting that the love of my life, and his entire family, are vigilantes? If anything, I put you more in danger. You deserve the world, which apparently hinges on me and this stupid necklace.” He has to believe I died, at least for the moment. The reaction has to be authentic, or the plan. It won’t work. Dick gently squeezed you close and brushed a kiss your lips. You deepened it, ignoring the pain, knowing that he may hate you forever after this.

“Hey hey, I’m all for this. But you’ve already pulled some stitches sweetheart.” He looked down at your blood-soaked gown.

“I’m so sorry Dick” You began to cry, not because of the blood…you knew he didn’t care. You were apologizing for what’s to come.

“No need to apologize Y/N/N. Lay down, let me fix you up.”

Morning came, and you were gone. Dick frantically ran down the hall to Jason’s room.

“Jay, she’s gone.” Jay just solemnly looked up.

“Yeah, she came by this morning. Nabu and her dad took her.”

Dick looked defeated. Your love had just been made clear, and now, now you were gone. Little did he know, you and Tim hatched a plan before convening with the group last night. In fact, in all the commotion, no one realized Tim was also missing.

“We are going after her, right Jay? She’s your best friend.”

“Yeah, I know. What are we going to do Dick?”

“I don’t know, but I put a tracker on that stupid necklace last night. Suit up, we are going to get our girl.” With that, Jason didn’t question. Dick and Jason met downstairs and headed out.

Just as you planned, the boys found you just in time. I mean really Dick, a tracker, on the necklace. You thought I wouldn’t see that coming? And now, sulking in the shadows. I mean, Jay’s “mask” is a bright red helmet. You chuckled to yourself as you saw Ra’s al Ghul step out from the shadows.

The boys looked frantically at each other. There was no way Nabu and her dad would give her up to the Demon. Where the hell were they?

*Back at Wayne Manor*

Nabu and Y/N’s dad walked into the living room, expecting to meet Y/N. Instead, they were met with Damian.

“Wow, you really though Y/L/N would come with you two crazies that easily. Damn. How easy is it to trick adults?”

“Child, where is the keeper of the amulet of Eshu?”

“So sorry Fate, didn’t mean to get you all riled up. She left, with Todd and Grayson. About hmm, 8 hours ago.” Damian laughed and he sauntered into the kitchen.

*Back to Ra’s al Ghul

“Well Demon, good to see you again. I found what you are looking for! Isn’t that just great. See that gift, well it’s this necklace here. If you take it off, I die though. So your choice”

“What a foolish child, you really think that would matter to me? What kind of trick are you playing?”

“Honestly, bud, listen. I’m tired. I’ve died countless times, just to not actually be dead. I’m ready to end this miserable thing called life.”

“Well, that. I can help with.” Ra’s al Ghul walked over and yanked the necklace off of you and fastened it around himself. “Just for good measure,” he dug his knife deep into your stomach.

“NO!” Both of the boys screamed from their hiding place. Dick ran towards you, as Jason headed straight for Ra’s al Ghul.

“Foolish child. Even if you could best me, I have the necklace now. I cannot be killed.”

“Yeah, well let’s test that theory!” Jason lunged at him.

“Dick…I’m so sorry.” You managed as blood poured from your mouth. “Remember I love you. Tell Jay…” and your vision went black again.

Dick pushed up and ran to help his brother, when Tim jumped from the rafters.

“This is a fight we cannot win. We need to regroup. Grab her!” He pointed towards me and ushered his brothers to retreat.

Dick rested your head in his lap, as Jason took the front seat. Tim took over the driver’s seat and began to explain that you weren’t dead. This was all part of the plan. They couldn’t believe you, you no longer had the amulet. Even if the wound did not kill you, your mind would be lost. Tim drove the car around aimlessly, hoping that you would stir. He too, was starting to question if everything went to plan. Suddenly Dick gasped in the backseat.

“She moved, I swear. She fucking moved.” Tim immediately pulled over, and both him and Jason stared at you in the backseat. You rolled over until you were flat on your back again.

“Alright, this is not comfortable. Where did you guys take me?” You began to mumble.

Dick bent down and kissed you hard and deep, despite the dried blood that caked your face.

[calamity-bean]

We’re on the same side, Shadow

Item #2342342 in the never-ending list of things that messed me up about American Gods 2.07: these lines right here. Not only because of what they demonstrate about Sweeney’s individual character growth, but because of how thoroughly they — and this entire episode, really — reflect and bookend Shadow and Sweeney’s whole relationship.

Which is an interesting relationship, I think — especially considering that although we, the audience, have seen plenty of both of them, and although they have significant relationships in common with other characters, Shadow and Sweeney themselves haven’t interacted that much. A long scene in 1.01, and a short scene in 1.03; a couple more short scenes in 2.01, and then nothing for the rest of the season until now, as far as I recall. I’d go so far as to say that their dynamic is informed as much by their separate relationships with Laura and Wednesday as by their actual interactions with each other. When they do interact directly, it tends to feel a bit like an ongoing dick-measuring contest: hostile, competitive, with a lot of bravado and aggression, especially from Sweeney.

Even if Sweeney hadn’t been under orders to pick a fight at their first meeting, I feel like conflict between these dudes would have been inevitable. Their personalities just tend to clash, for one thing. Sweeney is too irreverent, too belligerent not to annoy Shadow, who’s not the sort of person to be uncivil or aggressive without provocation but also isn’t a pushover who’s gonna let Sweeney bully him, either. And unbeknownst to Shadow, of course, Sweeney comes into the situation with a lot of complicated guilt and anger over Laura’s murder. But though this certainly aggravates Sweeney’s hostility — further aggravated, later on, by jealousy as Sweeney develops his own relationship with Laura and his feelings for her grow more and more romantic — I think that wasn’t the only thing bothering Sweeney when they first met. There’s something more, imo: a palpable irritation rolling off him, as he throws dart after dart at that bull’s-eye, at the fact that Wednesday is interested in Shadow at all.

Because as is strongly implied in 2.07, Shadow getting hired essentially meant Sweeney getting replaced. That’s how Sweeney feels about it, at any rate. Once upon a time, he was Wednesday’s right-hand man; he had Wednesday’s favor, and it felt good, it felt special, it felt like the sun was shining on him. Wednesday gave him pride and purpose, and for that, I think he loved Wednesday a bit, in a filial fashion — certainly he felt loyal and indebted to him. And though Sweeney’s relationship with Wednesday has long since crumbled into scorn and derision and mistrust and hatred, he still envies Shadow having what he once had... yet also has enough morality (and enough spite toward Wednesday) to sympathize with Shadow for being in a situation that Sweeney knows, from firsthand experience, is shit.

Because the truly agonizing thing is that despite their conflicting personalities, Shadow and Sweeney actually have some important things in common! And that’s what kills me! That’s what really kills me here: the fact that these guys have reasons to find common ground with each other, but never quite CAN. Both are disillusioned romantics, both capable fighters, both full of pain, both susceptible to Wednesday because he knew how to make them feel more purposeful and important than they had in a long time... They even both get misread in similar ways. One of the first things we learn about Shadow in the novel is that he looks very “don’t fuck with me,” which stands in contrast to his quiet, polite, intelligent, and fundamentally goodhearted demeanor. Likewise, Sweeney reads on the surface as little more than a big, rowdy drunk — “a horny musclehead,” in Wednesday’s words — and only gradually, over the course of the series, has revealed a strong (though compromised) moral compass and profound emotional depth. On a personal level, Shadow and Sweeney tend to irritate the crap out of each other, and I don’t think they like each other as people very much at all. But I think they also understand each other... Or they could, if they were open to doing so.

So the tragedy of it, really, is that they HAVEN’T been open to understanding each other. Every now and then, one of them makes an overture — some sort of gesture toward camaraderie or connection. But it never quite works. Every time one of them is in the mood to reach out — Sweeney offering warnings about Wednesday, for example, or Shadow showing genuine concern at the beginning of 2.07 as he realizes Sweeney's not well — the other is never really in a good place, emotionally, to respond. Shadow’s too wary to believe Sweeney, or too angry to want to listen to him; or Sweeney’s too unsettled (and too prickly in general) not to rebuff Shadow’s concern; and since they don’t get along well in the first place, it can all devolve into arguing pretty quickly. 2.07 contains several of these little glimmers of camaraderie between them, these moments when they almost land on the same page...

...But it’s all too little and too late.

If Sweeney is ever revived, I hope he and Shadow someday manage to... maybe never quite be friends, that’s probably asking a lot, but it could be cool if they reached some sort of understanding. Some level of recognition or respect or even just grudging camaraderie. Till then, though, the note they’ve ended on — fighting each other when they could and probably should be fighting side by side — is so thematically appropriate and so bittersweet.

[ploppythespaceship]

You knew it was coming. It was... inevitable.

Avengers: Endgame Review

Cause I gotta get it out of my head while it’s fresh.

Spoiler free version: I had a fantastic time in the theater and was on the edge of my seat. It was by no means a perfect film, and there are some ideas and some plot points that were just... stupid, honestly. But overall, I had a fucking blast and that’s the most important thing. So not quite two thumbs up? Maybe one and a half thumbs up?

And now the more detailed stuff... THERE ARE SO MANY SPOILERS UNDER THIS READ MORE. Like, sweet god. All of the spoilers. So this is your warning. If you don’t want the spoilers, skip this post and come back after you’ve seen it. Cool? Cool.

Good Things:

The effects of the snap feel so real. The first half hour of the film is so heavy. You actually believe that the entire universe is in grief. It’s tangible and gut wrenching and uncomfortable.

Thor beheading Thanos. One, it was awesome. Two, Thor’s quip “I went for the head” made me laugh so hard.

Just... the entire plot. Solid idea. I know it’s the thing everyone called already, going back in time to grab the Infinity Stones from their own past adventures, but it works so well. Using the throwback for a conclusion movie. And the integration into the first Avengers fight was pretty seamless.

Sort of weird? But I like that Scott actually got to be an Avenger and do important things. I like Scott, I feel like he’s underrated. So this was a nice change.

Steve fighting himself in the past. And then the remark, “that is America’s ass.” I just about died.

I like how the fights in this film are kept relatively small-scale until the final fight, which is just all out. It really builds everything up to that last moment.

And man oh man does that fight deliver. It’s long but it doesn’t feel like it’s dragging, because there’s just so much good stuff happening.

STEVE WITH MJOLNIR. HOOOOOOLY SHIT. The entire theater started cheering and we couldn’t stop. Captain America beat the shit out of Thanos with Thor’s Hammer, and it was amazing.

That moment when everyone who had been dead shows up to join the fight. You knew it was coming, they would all show up right when things felt the most hopeless, but it was still such a DAMN GOOD MOMENT.

“Avengers!!” *summons Mjolnir* “Assemble.”

Peter throughout the whole battle. He was just so charming. Tom Holland is perfect for the part.

That moment when every lady in the MCU teamed up to help Captain Marvel get across the battlefield?? YES QUEENS.

And that moment when Thanos punched Captain Marvel in the face and she didn’t even flinch?? GOD. (That was the only Captain Marvel moment I liked, ngl.)

So... of course, Tony died. I think we all guessed that going in. But I feel like he got a good death. His arc came full circle and it was a fitting end for the character. (And it’s a win-win! He got a good death that people can be satisfied with, and I still don’t have to see him in future movies.)

Though I have mixed feelings about Steve’s departure... I am so so glad he got his happy ending with Peggy. That actually got me a bit teary eyed.

I’m sad to see Steve go. But Sam Wilson is Captain America now, and I’m so excited for that chapter of the MCU to begin.

Bad Things:

My biggest complaint about this film is that it butchered Thor. To be fair, Ragnarok butchered him first, but this film just finished the job. Anything I once liked about the character is gone, replaced by this fat, drunken buffoon. Every single scene, I wanted him to shut up. Which sucks! Because he used to be great!

Also, Thor went back in time to Asgard. The planet he just lost. And yet there was no reaction?? At all??

And him noping out of his responsibilities as a ruler to go dick around with the Guardians seems like a step back in his character arc.

I’m also not a big fan of what they did with Hawkeye. Him going full vigilante just seemed sort of weird.

Captain Marvel still kinda sucks. I’m not sure how she got to Earth or met everyone else (was that in the Captain Marvel post-credits scene that I missed?) and she just didn’t mesh with any of the action. Brie Larson’s delivery was a bit better this time around, but she still felt like the wrong choice for the part.

Bruce being a mix of Bruce and the Hulk didn’t work for me either. He looked like a weird Shrek man and I didn’t know how to feel about it.

Clint and Natasha seemed very surprised that one of them would die getting the Soul Stone, which... I feel like they should have known about? Nebula clearly knew what had happened with Thanos and Gamora, wouldn’t she have mentioned...?

Also, the suspense of that scene, wondering which of them was going to die, dragged on too long. They should have just let Natasha throw herself from the cliff. Not added the extra exploding arrow, then Clint diving, then Nat diving after him, then the final release. Too much. Too much.

I’m not clear on how Tony got the stones from Thanos at the end. I feel like I missed something there.

That shot of everyone at Tony’s funeral, it was so obvious that they filmed the different groups at different times and stitched it together at the end. It was so weird.

Steve’s last scene felt very tacked onto the end. Like... I wish they’d had some kind of build up to it? Some lines about feeling like he’d missed out on a life, something like that? They had him see Peggy in the 70s, but... I dunno, still felt a bit odd. Almost like they weren’t sure they were going to go through with it but decided at the last minute. Not sure.

And it was weird that Bucky was just watching while Sam got the entire moment. I feel like they could have both gone to talk to him.

[akatokuro]

The Inevitable StS Rewatch, Episodes 26-29

Leo Aiolia is... an angry person, you say? I never would have guessed!

- This whole Aiolia scene is REALLY interesting on a lot of levels and does a lot for his character.

- I love his whole immediate reaction to just hearing that there are deserters on the loose - Sanctuary is a brutal, awful place even without the recent setup of the Pope making things even worse. You are more than likely to get killed if you are a trainee there. It is more than understandable that people would want to escape. But Lia's response is "you fucking morons."

- Well, Lia probably has baggage about people trying to "escape Sancutary" to begin with, but...

- Lia is a decent guy, especially for a Saint, but he's determinedly and deliberately Lawful Neutral as fuck. He jumps in for the deserter babies situation, is clearly stern and unpleased, but then deliberately "softens" to urge the babies to go back. He's not going to be cruel about it, and he's more "merciful" than a lot of Saints would be, but he's also not going to let them go. His preference is resolving this without having to kill anyone, sure - but if it really comes down to it, he's going to uphold Sanctuary Law.

- And then, of course, Lia gets thoroughly disrespected and shittalked to his face by a bunch of Silver fuckwits. Lol at even the trainees calling him "Aiolia-san" vs "Algol-sama." Like, dude... yikes.

- Aiolia is even kind of weirdly meek when protesting, stammering and trailing off and all. You’d never guess this guy is a Gold Saint going from the dynamics in this scene, who could effortlessly squash everyone involved here like a fucking bug.

- And finally, Lia is clearly off-put by the blatant cruelty here, but does he actually do anything about it, whether it's against Algol and Shaina directly or the broader situation? Nah.

- yumetabibito, being the filthy Aiolia-lover she is, went ahead and checked, and this scene didn't exist in the manga, and Toei almost certainly wrote it before the reveal in the manga that Lia is a Gold Saint. It's hard to imagine that it would exist if they had known, because it revolves around Aiolia getting no fucking respect. Presumably, all they had to go off of was that Aiolia cameo from the first chapter, which they seem to have mostly gotten "likes Seiya and Marin?" from. So they’re vaguely trying to align him with them as sort of a sympathetic underdog in Sanctuary.

- But even so... they somehow stumbled into a really good and fitting scene that adds a lot to his character with future context in mind!

- yume and I have talked about, well, okay, Lia gets shit on and bullied for being a traitor's little brother - that's an important part of his characterization and his motives - but where does the hostility towards him really come from? He's clearly well-liked amongst the trainees and the regular soldiers. Among the Golds - okay, yeah, Milo, Deathmask, and Aphrodite would give him shit. (Goddammit, Milo.) But most of the rest of them either don't care or would be sympathetic.

- Getting his face spit on constantly by SILVERS, though, makes a lot of sense and would be even more rage-enducing than getting spit on by his actual peers. Because the Silvers obviously feel "safe". They know that Aiolia can't actually fight back or do anything without validating everything anyone has said about him and his relationship and his brother. He has to take it. And the fact that he just takes it leads to even less respect, with him being seen as a push-over while Aiolia quietly fantasizes about stomping on their broken arms.

- So in that way, it makes sense with the shitty crop of Silvers that around that jerking Leo Aiolia's chain is thought of as actually sort of a fun, twisted game. They get to taunt a fucking GOLD, a "traitor's brother" and wave their dicks around in his face and all the Gold can do is seethe powerlessly.

- tldr; Aiolia is very angry, has always been very angry, and even though it came together like this on accident - scenes like this give a lot of depth and context to that endless, boiling anger to the point that it is really, really fucking funny that it was almost certainly Toei writing out of ignorance of who Aiolia really was. How Aiolia is treated, and how he responds to the situation - both with the deserters themselves and with Algol and Shaina being assholes - says a lot about him.

- Meanwhile, as ridiculous as the [REDACTED] are, I can't help but find the weird sci-fi HQ Saori and the Bronzies have early on charming in a really corny way. I bet Saori really misses leading from this setup compared to that shitty little stone bed and curtain they throw at her when she's at Sanctuary, jesus.

- Man, there really is a lot more SeiShiryuu service than I remembered in these earlier eps. Will never be my ship, tbh - SeiSao is my One True Love - but lmao.

- for some reason saints on a plane always cracks me up no matter how many times i see it

- (note that once again we set up hyouga rushing in to help and then getting there too late to actually do anything. beautiful beautiful failswan)

- every time seiya whines about hitting girls i want there to be a flashback to this bit of him smashing shaina into the cliff face

- Oh for fuck's sake, the Steel fucking S--

- Wait, what was I thinking. What was I talking about. I have no idea. THANK YOU SAORI YOU ARE TRULY THE BEST.

- Shiryuu vs Algol is probably one of the more engaging fights in StS, Gold Saints aside. It's fun to see Shiryuu try to find a workaround to the shield and everything he tries blowing up in his face until he's cornered into jabbing his own eyes out. The sort of contrast between Shiryuu being the Bronzie who has the best chance at actually finding a normal life and a normal happiness with Shunrei, and Shiryuu being the one who keeps throwing himself into getting mauled like this, is probably the most compelling aspect of the character to me.

- One of the things that's also nice about Saint Seiya as a shounen is that it really feels like all of the Bronzies, not just Seiya, are equally crucial members of the team and get their own equally important fights. Like, Shiryuu legitimately gets to star here and save everyone because Seiya fucked it up. I used to like Rurouni Kenshin a lot, but I remember, like, yes - Sanosuke got his "big fight", but it was very much because Kenshin graciously "let" him because he could tell it was important to Sano or whatever. Or in Bleach, where the question of the others in Ichigo's group contributing during Soul Society is basically laughable. Neither really feels like the case in Saint Seiya.

- This is totally where CLAMP got their eye horror fetish from though isn't it. God I still can't believe Saint Seiya is directly responsible for the existence of CLAMP...

- Nothing to really say about the rest of the episode, but I do have to comment:

- Dude, what the FUCK.

- ANY of the Bronzies saying shit like this about Mitsumasa is grotesque, but fucking Ikki actually sort of makes my skin legit crawl. What the fuck, Toei. SOMEONE BRING BACK THE REAL IKKI PLEASE.

- Shunrei is such a good girl. She doesn't deserve this shit, man. What she honestly deserves is the privilege of getting to stab Dohko to death in his sleep--I mean, uh, what?

- THIS WAS COMPLETELY FUCKING UNNECESSARY. WHO THE FUCK SHIPPED THIS ON THE ANIME STAFF I REALLY WANT TO KNOW

- In seriousness, HyoShun is really darling. I love how weirdly attentive Hyouga is to Shun all the time; it's a really charming recurring detail. I IMAGINE SHUN IS CHARMED BY IT TOO. 

- Hyouga's good point is that, despite his bluster, he really is a sweet kid who is 100% sincere all the time. He acts tough but it's not like he's tsun or defensive about showing people - mostly Shun - compassion and concern either.

- lmao and then Ikki ditches these losers I like how after the HyoShun he instantly starts acting a million times more in-character. Did seeing the swan touch your little brother enrage you enough to expel the brainworms at last, Ikki...?

- Saori and Ikki are really good in this scene, though. I love everything about their quick exchange - Ikki being contemptuous and defiant of her, Saori answering without hesitation "HELL YES DO WHAT I SAY" when he asks if she's ordering him around. Both in how cool Saori is, but also her frankly falling back onto really bad habits dealing with the Bronzies when she's sort of panicking and doesn't know what to do. I love the scene of her lamenting about how she couldn't stop Ikki and obviously feeling like a fuckup by herself later, too. I really do appreciate that there is attention given to the arc of Saori learning to be a leader.

- I love Sanctuary openly referring to Saori as their leader, even without knowing she’s Athena, too. Damn right she is!

- Though I do still really think Saori should have been more involved in confronting Ikki when he was still extremely (justifiably) buttmad about everything. The idea of those two having a weird, special understanding about what Saori has to answer for would have been really cool...

- AND THEN SAORI GETS KIDNAPPED BY CROWS. YOU KNOW WE'RE BACK IN CANON, BECAUSE INSTEAD OF EVIL NEFARIOUS BUGS, WE HAVE EVIL NEFARIOUS BIRDS!

- Next time: THE SEISAO APOCALYPSE, MOTHERFUCKERS, OTHERWISE KNOWN AS: THE DESTRUCTION OF SEIYA’S BRAIN

[holden-norgorov]

A seriously angry recap of all the things I hated in the finale.

Because I had to write down all the disappointment and outrage that I have inside, otherwise it will consume me until I die. I had to give vent to everything that disgusted me in a less-detatched, more personal way than the unemotional one my objective thoughts usually are expressed with. If you want to read highly pissed-off complaints for healing purposes, this is your post. 

Implying that discovering that your mother is also your step-sister is a more validating reason to commit murder than being yourself a victim of physical and psychological abuses for years during your childhood. Offensive, short-sighted, self-erasing. By suggesting that Wolfgang killed his father and uncle out of this revelation, the writers nullified the character’s self-worth, depth and integrity.

“I’m not worth it”. “Wolfgang, you are!” It turned out he wasn’t worth it at all because things didn’t change. Nobody had any kind of conversation and the result was that Kala was portrayed as happy staying in the loveless, unhealthy marriage she was already in and that Wolfgang kept being the “lover” who wasn’t worth being chosen. Rajan became suddenly so important that an entire two-seasonal storyline of the most epic love story of all time had to be thrown out of the window just to please him? Who the fuck cared about him? He was selfish and sexist for two seasons, and a lame, uninteresting character with no personality beyond being a kiss-ass.

Capheus being a clown for all the episode irritated the fuck out of me. He had always been particularly joyful, but 1) not at this ridiculous, over-the-top level, and especially 2) not under these circumstances. This is war. They are all risking their lives and could be found and killed in any seconds. He is risking his whole political career and has left all his loved ones home alone. One of his clustermates is imprisoned in a BPO facility and likely being tortured. This is possibly the worst you could get: this episode was not meant to feature lighthearted, careless people joking around and being idiotic. His behavior is completely inappropriate and disrespectful of the situation. Someone with a brain, in those circumstances, would have slapped him in the face. What the fuck.

Nomanita getting an entire scene exclusively used to provide a last-minute backstory capable of justifying Lana’s selfish decision of taking Paris from Kalagang and giving it to them out of nowhere and with no apparent reason. I am so mad about this, it almost seems deliberate from Lana. Paris was a turning point for Kalagang, a pivotal moment that represented their first and only chance in all the show to be finally happy and together. Nomanita already had it all. Nomanita have always been the healthiest, happiest couple. They could have married literally anywhere else and it would have changed nothing in their relationship, because they had already had 24 episodes of domestic and happy moments. Why Paris of all cities? This was an intentional betrayal to Kalagang fans and storyline.

Lito’s freak-out about the carbs is beyond any fucking comment. It vividly looks like they all are on camping, or taking a funny, enjoyable trip. The writers should be ashamed of themselves for cheapening such a beautiful show and such wonderful characters with stupid moments like this and so many others (such as: Nomi’s coffee moment, Wolfgang jokingly pointing the rocket launcher on Capheus, Rajan asking Kala to teach him to use a gun as if they were not in a dangerous, life-or-death situation but just having fun, Puck with Sun’s hair and so on: there are a lot).

Sun and Mun being OOC as fuck and acting as if they were old acquaintances was just ridiculous and forced to an exponential level. This is entirely the writers’ fault and has nothing to do with time constraints, because the writing was just cheap and the characters unrecognizable. They had only met twice before this phone call (and both times by mistake). Sun here was weirdly intimate and emotively open despite having been closed and guarded of her interiority for two seasons sometimes even with her other selves. Mun was the very definition of cringe. “I think those two words might have made getting shot worth it.” Give me a fucking break. Who are these people? And don’t even get me started on the inconsistency with the line “I am not very good with words” that goes directly against the very reason why Sun was interested in him in the first place (i.e. the passionate way he talked about her to her teacher and the cautious but accurate analysis he provided of her psychology while fighting in the graveyard). Here they were odd and extremely cliché to the point of contrasting with their very essence.

Capheus greeting Rajan in that way was so wrong and insulting both to attentive viewers and to all the people in this world unable to obtain proper medications for themselves or their loved ones. It disregarded and destroyed everything about Capheus’ character and almost made me vomit. Rajan embodied all the socially powerful people directly responsible for Shiro’s improved sickness that almost caused her death in S1. Rajan’s unethical business was the very reason why Capheus had to be involved with Silas Kabaka in the first place, resulting in all his S1 storyline that almost led him to his death. Do any of you remember Capheus and Kala’s expressions when Rajan revealed this? Both of them had never been so hurt and incredulous during all the show. Capheus’ blind forgiveness of someone who was the ultimate reason of one entire season of his suffering and fighting for survival left me utterly speechless and offended. The writers turned all of this into a joke, especially considering Capheus storyline in S2: he had decided to politically represent his country, his own people, exactly because of the injustices they had to face on a daily basis because of poverty and unfair hierarchy. Welcoming Rajan, the symbol of this hierarchy that basically made his whole life a living hell, in that way was incredibly unbelievable. I was seriously shocked by this.

Kala’s behavior when Rajan arrives in Paris can be explained only in two ways: a) either she was on drugs all the time, which means she was capable of making them using her knowledge as chemist and then taking them because she was so desperate for Wolfgang that she wanted to be high, or b) she was just under a love spell. These are the only explanations to the way she behaves here; in both cases, she clearly wasn’t herself. Logic, continuity and coherence were all non-existent. The facts: Kala had made promises to Wolfgang both in 2x10 and 2x11 and the only reason why she hadn’t explained things to Rajan yet was that he had shut her off and sent her away without giving her the opportunity to do so. But her mind was crystal-clear and she was finally ready (in fact, her entire storyline had been built in order to make her brave enough to finally make this decision). But in here, she betrayed every promise she had made to Wolfgang and basically became a lying coward, erasing all the character development she had been through. She acted as a bitch. This confrontation was unavoidable at this point. She let Rajan believe that the real problem in their marriage was her nature as a sensate, which actually has never been a source of conflict at all (she didn’t want to marry Rajan even before realizing what she was). I wanted to slap her for how she acted in this whole episode. She also really felt under a love spell because for 23 episodes she had never spontaneously kissed Rajan before out of sincere will. In 1x02, Rajan kissed her and she didn’t even return the kiss (the only reason why she didn’t break it was that they were at their engagement party and it would have been highly inappropriate); in 2x01 she kissed him out of pity and guilt because she felt responsible for breaking his dick and ruining their honeymoon. And that was it. So, witnessing her starting a kiss to a man she spent two seasons being uncomfortable with (especially physically) and feeling objectified by felt really wrong and unexpected and utterly unreasonable. She seriously looked like she was on drugs, I was in disbelief.

Aunt Kirsty overtaking a whole team of BPO soldiers supposedly using her unknown superpower ninja abilities was so ridiculous and cheap that it was like the writers themselves wanted to prove us that they could do everything they wanted and ruin all the show’s credibility as they pleased. Seriously what the fuck was that. Sense8 became a cartoon for kids and we didn’t know? God.

The complete lack of Wolfgang’s PTSD was absolutely unforgivable and unrealistic. We are talking about a man who spent all of his life building several walls to protect himself from the outside, trying to keep everyone at distance exactly because of the traumas he experienced since childhood that he couldn’t recover from. He has always been emotionally secretive and unavailable to everyone except Kala (and she took two seasons of serious efforts to make him finally open up and expose himself). He was tortured daily several times when he was under BPO’s captivity: he had and needed to show both physical and psychological scars in the aftermath. PTSD was a natural response that inevitably had to happen and be shown both for credibility and for a matter of character’s coherence and integrity. Wolfgang being rescued from this severely traumatizing condition and not showing the slightest consequence of it was beyond idiotic. And worse: from that moment he actually started acting more carefree and behaving in the exact opposite way than the one that should logically be expected from someone with his personality going through an experience like that. He started joking around and taking everything lightly and in a more emotionally invested way than he had ever done even before this imprisonment. It was like watching a fairy tale of stupid bullshit. What a fucking mess.

Rajan’s evident privileged treatment from the writers was so obvious and cheap that it ended up being nausea-inducing. He was literally everywhere and for no reason at all since he had no abilities. In the club, he is the only sapiens being close to the physical exchange. Why on this planet should this be safe or acceptable or even convenient since he is incapable of doing anything? Every other non-sensate was far away, even members of the Cluster such as Lito who could have been useful through sharing. Instead Rajan was on the front. Ok. And the idea that Wolfgang, a taciturn man who spent two seasons being jealous of Rajan, would spontaneously approach him and thank him for doing absolutely nothing is hilarious. Rajan didn’t save Wolfgang. Kala was the one who intervened to prevent Lila from shooting him. Rajan stepped in only to save Kala and was able to steal Lila’s gun just because she was already being attacked. And as soon as that happened, she took the gun back because Rajan obviously didn’t have a clue on what he was doing (which is acceptable, because he just wasn’t suitable for that situation: the mistake was including him there in the first place). Daniela herself had been previously shown to be comfortable in using a gun. Why not exposing her to the physical place of the exchange instead of Rajan? I seriously don’t get it. Which advantage could Rajan provide to the situation? The writers were so transparent. The same can be said with the Napoli’s scene. Rajan is the only sapiens entering the camorra building without any reason or combat skill. WHY. Not only he is untrained and incapable, but he also doesn’t even know the plan (Kala has to explain it to him while already inside and targeted by enemies!). It’s like they did everything in their power to include Rajan everywhere and let him be some kind of saver or hero that he clearly is not. The writing was insulting. Rajan mistakes a taser for a gun but then uses that same taser to save Kala’s life? How stupid do the writers think we are, exactly? Not to mention that Wolfgang being unable to treat Kala’s stomach wound was completely OOC, but then again, Kala and Wolfgang were both RAPED as characters in every way possible in this episode. Wolfgang was able to canonically treat a much worse wound when Felix was almost killed despite being in evident pain. This was all ridiculous. And what about Lila shooting Kala in the stomach? In this very episode she was able to shoot dead five people at a great distance without even trying when stealing Whispers. She was a hired gun, and here Kala was literally in front of her. Nothing in this scene makes the slightest sense, I swear.

The scene where Will asked where Sun was, as if he wasn’t able to mentally connect with her was absurd. And Nomi actually taking five minutes to visit her was just a cheap way for the Sun x Mun exchange to happen and was incoherent. “I found Sun” doesn’t make sense because they are telepathically connected and Nomi shouldn’t need to find her. Cheapness for everyone.

Kala spontaneously kissing Rajan again when she finally has the occasion to physically be with the love of her life after he was tortured and nearly killed is probably the most absurd and embarrassing moment I have ever seen in television. It’s beyond any rational comment at this point. I was about to throw something at my screen. And Wolfgang accepting this despite probably believing that Kala and Rajan had already talked things through was incoherent, unthinkable and hysterical. WHO-ARE-THESE-CHARACTERS. This moment destroyed me more than I can convey with words. It was a betrayal to two seasons of marvelous Kalagang growth and development. I could ramble about how much I hate this moment for pages, but I already wrote a post about it and it would be better for me not to stop too much on this because it literally broke my heart and enraged me more than anything else ever did. Kala and Wolfgang were entirely different characters.

Jonas and the Mother talking like walking encyclopedias contrast so heavily with the cheap writing of the episode that their scenes end up being really laughable and impossible to be taken seriously.

The song sequence was completely useless, pure fanservice garbage that stole real usable time that was very much needed since many storylines were left entirely open without justifications. The “What’s Up” moment in 1x04 became iconic because it conveyed a precise message that was the core of all the show, was a set up for everything that came after and had also the purpose to show the ability of each character to connect all together for the first time. Instead, the song sequence in this episode was obviously insert only because the first one really gained a huge success in the fandom and they simply wanted to reply it for fanservice purposes. But this was entirely pointless and the very definition of a waste of time. The characters felt very much like the actors themselves goofing around, and there were also completely avoidable coherence mistakes (Felix and Rajan on the train) that cheapened the already-compromised credibility of it all. The editing of all the episode was bad, especially in this scene.

Other time gets wasted showing characters eating pizza without a tie to the plot or anything at all. Were the writers deliberately trying to make the worst choices possible? They basically did everything wrong and handled the time horribly.

I already talked about the bullet scene, but Kala being able to visit Wolfgang while unconscious was another cheap mistake. I’m particularly angry because for 23 episodes Sense8 was able to be almost flawless in coherence, but this episode is just a giant mess. This moment is OOC and simply wrong on every aspect, and who wrote it surely must have been a stranger to the show.

The last half-hour of the Special is so weird. It’s like the writers suddenly forgot that the main characters are sensates. Will asking Kala what she wants was another ridiculous moment that was so incoherent with their scene in 2x08 that I seriously considered this to be an intentional way for the writers to let us know that they willingly fucked up with Kalagang. The main peculiarity of their interaction in 2x08 was that Will was able to read Kala’s emotions without asking and state out loud what she was afraid to admit to herself: that she loved someone else. Their interaction in 2x08 was based on clarifying that Kala was not suffering from a feeling indecision but a morality struggle, and that Will exactly knew what she wanted. Their moment in 2x12 disregards everything about it. Will acts like he doesn’t already know what she feels and asks her questions as if he couldn’t read her emotions, and Kala is supposed to show signs of romantic indecisiveness despite her troubles were never feelings-related? In 2x08 Kala couldn’t stop talking haphazardly (as she always does when concerned about something) and here she just silently shrugs? This moment is beyond laughable and goes against everything established before, and the characters are frankly unrecognizable.

It’s unbelievable the idea that two whole seasons of perfect Kalagang development led to a conclusion where Kala holds hands with Rajan and Wolfgang sits behind them as a complete stranger. It feels like a nightmare. I am homicidal about this. They really destroyed them, both as a couple and individual characters.

 Amanita clearly states in 1x07 that she is afraid of and hates fireworks because they symbolize war and are a failure. So why is she perfectly happy here when they are used during her own wedding? It wasn’t that hard not to be OOC. The writers really wanted to discredit the canon in every way, I’m incredulous.

The conclusive physical, actual orgy which includes also non-sensate characters sends a horrible message. First, it goes completely against the symbolical meaning of the previous orgies (which were meant to show the sensates’ ability to share sexual arousal every time someone in the Cluster was having actual sex; it was nothing physical or carnal but purely abstract and metaphorical). Second, it’s highly offensive to asexual people, because sex is conceived here as the highest expression of love and the only way to resolve untouched confrontations (instead of having actual conversations). Third, it provides sexual erasure to Lito (canonically gay), Nomi (canonically lesbian) and Kala (canonically demisexual). Fourth, it goes against the well-praised theme of inclusivity and diversity of the show because everyone at the end turns out to be the same (pansexual), thus erasing every single representation provided in the previous episodes. Fifth, it portrays an unfair and insulting view on how sexuality actually works. The idea of a man — whose entire storyline is built around the fact that he is completely, exclusively gay and couldn’t manage to even fake a relationship with a woman — willing to have sex out of the blue with someone of the opposite sex is gross and actually sick. Sexuality is highly intimate and personal: it’s not about open-mindedness, but about self-comfort. It’s disrespectful to think that a gay man would be okay to get laid with a woman, because he just is by nature not comfortable in that situation. I am a straight guy and I could never picture myself with another man, it would make me unhealthily uncomfortable with myself. This applies to everyone’s very own sexuality. The same can be said for Kala, who here is depicted as a promiscuous woman willing to share her body with the very same man who she couldn’t bring herself to feel comfortable with for two seasons. Kala was a very moral person described as demi-sexual and she could only be comfortable in a sexual scenario with Wolfgang because they are sensates and their level of trust and connection is unparalleled. If Wolfgang and Kala hadn’t been sensates inside each other’s heads and feelings, Kala would have never slept with him: she needed that kind of intimacy and closeness to open up sexually. The Kala who pulls Rajan down and gets almost hungry of being used as a sex object here is not the usual Kala from the first 23 episodes, it’s another character entirely who sends a conservative and sexist unacceptable message.

Wolfgang’s sudden bisexuality is not representation, nor something to be proud of: it’s just an offensive, out-of-nowhere twist created only for shock value. One of the first traits that we understand about him in the show is that in order to avoid opening up emotionally, he constantly sleeps around with women only. This is canonically confirmed in two occasions: first, in 1x04, when he and Felix talk about their teenager adventures, nothing is mentioned about them being open to relationships with other boys (and if Wolfgang had been bisexual, it would have surely been pointed out in this moment); second, in 2x01, we canonically see him picking up girls using a date-app which features women only. This highly indicates that he is not into men, because if he was, he wouldn’t hide it at all. Also, if he had really been sexually attracted to men, he would have surely fallen for Felix because of how close they are, and this didn’t happen. This is not to say that sexuality is permanent or unaffected by change. But if Wolfgang’s character arc had really been about a sexuality struggle, an appropriate path of self-discovery should have been shown and developed carefully. People just don’t wake up and decide to change sexual orientation out of the blue. These things require internal process and self-questioning. This sudden twist is a joke to people who really have to face a complex self-examination in order to understand whether their sexuality is changing or evolving.  

Wolfgang touching Rajan’s lips before kissing him is a slap on the face of Kalagang’s fans because that was THEIR intimate gesture, and theirs alone. 

Wolfgang and Rajan barely know each other. Wolfgang would NEVER perform that private gesture with anyone but Kala, and the idea that he would make love to her with her husband included is pure nuts. This was the ultimate bullshit from the writers who managed to annihilate everything about Kalagang. It’s almost as if Lana had personal reasons to sabotage them in every way possible, because the result is just too heavy-handed and transparent not to be intentional. I seriously hope that she didn’t feel the need to ruin them just because they are a straight couple, because that would make her discriminatory and petty as fuck. This moment was seriously unwatchable and unbearable. I don’t have the proper words to describe the utter disgust I really experienced.  

[mysamcedesmadness]

Steerio Hearts Stuff & Stuff

White Devils and the Demons They Serve (Chs 15-17)

I was gonna do two seperate posts, but you two are the ones who do most of the reading and y’all actually read EVERYTHING, so I figured, even if it’s as long as a chapter, y’all would’ve read it anyways.

@sweetiedee85

Stevie can’t even sniff his fingers with Bukowski breathing down his neck. What is Bukowski up to with Cheerio? 

I. Am. Still. Crine. Over this comment. That is all. (Because, you just found out in Ch 17 what Bukowski was up to.

But I guess it’s the devil you know versus the devil you don’t.

Even though this is regarding Tesla, this is actually a fantastic summary of most of the characters in this story, hell - in the series. People often accept what their life seems to be instead of fighting for what it can be. That DEFINITELY happens in the context of having a mental illness, because everyday life can be overwhelming enough, so taking extra risks and chances are sometimes astronomical.

What’s sad is they would rather do that than come see their child. Time is more value, and we see they don’t care enough to spend any with her.

The Robinsons are the worst. I just have no other feedback of them for right now. Radja more than Champ - but they are a team and that team should’ve included their daughter and never does. In fact, I have a little arc that involves Radja coming up shortly and yes, she’s just the worst in it. 

But then those dang nightmares and training haunting the poor guy. I know it’s something he struggles with even after their married. He has triggers, and they usually lead to him growing and learning something different about himself and the way he views things. It seems that this is only the beginning of that journey.

Stevie sometimes suffers from psychosis, so he’s forgotten a lot of things that he’s been exposed to, because his brain was just unable or unwilling to process the trauma - much like his breakdown after Mary died. This is why later he still has repressed memories punching him in the gut and why it’s important to him to be a realist. He seems like an asshole a lot, for “Just being realistic,” but he knows himself (particularly after he’s out) and he just wants to make sure he’s trying to assess things normally and naturally, so that he doesn’t unintentionally wind up in a state of psychosis... Now, WE know that sometimes, it’s going to happen, anyway. But, these glimpses into his episodes are here for me to try to explain why Stevie is such an “asshole,” OUTSIDE of his racism. That’s a completely different issue which I’d never justify. Lol.

I do wonder if Tesla wants this footage. I doubt Bukowski has any good in him so is it his self need to have every part of Tesla in his grasp, under his control? Will she be somehow grateful he’s gotten this back? Idk but just the thought makes me sicker.

Tesla does NOT want this footage, wants no part of this footage, was alarmed by Bukowski and Stevie even MENTIONING this footage, and has absolutely no need for this footage. This is primarily about Bukowski’s control, and also his fetish. He enjoys watching. He enjoys knowing things. It makes him feel powerful to know things and to be able to see things. She MAY be grateful that he’s gotten it, but honestly, she’s still suffering from the damage of the event. She knows that it has already been done, and whether or not there is footage, she’s already suffered and has to live with it. Be sick, be very sick. It’s meant to be deeply sickening.

Anyway, Stevie is out of control lol threatening Derek was un called for. We know at this point she’s the one exception to that word, and that’s recent so I wasn’t surprised when he said it. I thought Cheerio would at least consider turning down Stevie’s offer but nope lol She just as toxic in love as him, and she sees beyond his training. I doubt I could have it in me.

Stevie is often impulsive in his decisions, but sometimes, they’re premeditated. Sometimes, he thinks things out, knows that his decision isn’t great and does it anyway. He gets so much better about this as he ages, but Teenage Stevie is deeply territorial and no matter what he says, he feels like he owns Cheerio.

And, no ma’am. I can’t relate to her, in that regard. A chick called me “Kunta Kinte” in 2007. I tried to beat her with a beer bottle in her own trailer, had to get dragged out of there and brought home and I still will call her a bitch, if I see her today.

  Angelwings

Ok... Who is Bukowski even using to make Tesla (Ally) jealous? I mean agh.

This had me cracking up SO HARD. You would be surprised the kinda pink dick pandering out there on the innanets. Whenever I had a successful porn blog, right here on Tumblr, I seen some shit. And there are folk less attractive and less charming that can somehow manage to get little sex games going with people, especially if they’re in a fetish niche (which gingers are).

ok so Tesla told her to have sex in the shower? If she's in the bathroom they accept verbal... side eyeing and looking all squinted eyed trying to imagine how they WON'T get caught.

This is because the orderlies won’t generally just burst into the bathroom while a resident is in the shower if the resident seems fine and is willing to peek out and show their face. They’ll only barge in if the resident seems off (trying to pretend that they’re fine) or is not responsive. They want to value their privacy to a certain extent, but not to leave them vulnerable, if they somehow got hold of a weapon or something.

It just goes back to what Stevie says to Sam. He has to constantly battle with his thoughts. At least he does that.

I touched on this a little bit with Dee. Stevie HAS to do this, to make sure that he keeps himself grounded. His triggers are so dynamic that they literally take control of his mind, for a time. He wants to not have to experience that, and he never wants to hurt the people he loves because of some type of break.

Hmm so Dani is trying to work at a library. That's kind of perfect. Hope she gets it and keeps up her therapy and stuff. It always makes me upset to see any hospital release patients before they are ready. I really hope Dani can transition back into society.

Oh, no - she’s not trying to work at the library. The library is one of the few places that poor people can have access to the Internet and by this time, even though the story is set for several years ago - a lot of the jobs and such are available to apply online. Dani would most likely apply online, because she knows that she might appear to not be normal when going in to get applications and people might “fire before you hire” her upon seeing that she’s not very normal. Sorry, I didn’t explain that. I know that the Texas Workforce Commission has access, but I didn’t feel like researching how unemployment works in Ohio, so I just went the library application route. Dani’s story isn’t over yet, so you’ll definitely find out how life went for her.

They function as a community, one for all and all for their cause. People can do anything when they work together even create monsters and killers.

People who lead abusive lifestyles often see their behavior as normal. Hence arguments TO THIS DAY of “My mom beat me and I turned out fine” or “People are this way because they don’t get beat enough.” Contrary to the cases upon cases of research and information that hitting children only causes trauma. Now, generally - children of abuse do NOT turn out to be killers and horrible criminals. Some go on to be kind humans and productive members of society... But even those generally have to address the trauma that was caused by their toxic environments.

Inevitably we know the fate of the hospital but in the other stories we never hear of the other characters. I hope they get the help they need wherever they go.

I have stories plotted out for most of the ones that we know. It’s gonna be a moment to get to some of them, but I’ll try not to drop the ball, completely.

Stevie was angry with Bukowski for hurting his Bust it Baby- learning so much. I had to look that up. That is Cheri by every definition if not now then later. She is well on her way. That exchange was cute the way Cheri acted. 

Bust It Baby Pt 2 was ONE OF MY FAVES in the club. (Telling my age, now. LOL) But, THEY would have been teens/kids around that time, so I didn’t feel bad referencing that mug. Bwahahaha. Cheri DEFINITELY becomes all of that for Stevie. But, yeah - she was a little bashful about it being said in a group setting.

Even Tanisha had to tell him about himself with Stevie. It's like Stevie was punished for all the children, well Mary got to Stacey but Sam was golden. Some couples should not procreate. 

I think it took a while for Dwight to comprehend that just because Stacie and Sam ‘turned out okay,’ that didn’t MEAN that he had been blameless in helping to shape Stevie the way that he did. He never saw himself as having anything against Stevie, because he loved him as much as he did the others (or so he thought - he just wasn’t CLOSE to him). And Mama T was able to see that Dwight’s not being close to Stevie affected how he handled him, whether or not he did love him - which she believed and trusted that he did, but she needed him to get that STEVIE needed to believe and trust it.

This Entire Review: I Have a Lot of Responses, Love

Bukowski is blinded by crazy. Any half decent individual would see red flags. DANGER! DANGER WILL ROBINSON! What an idiot. Poetic justice would be if Tesla killed his awhen he drugged and kidnapped her or whatever his chosen crazy decides to do. I just don't see him living after he knocked on that door.

Unfortunately, Bukowski’s time is not yet up. But, he has definitely poked a bear by reaching out to Max. Stevie making deals in an institution with a demon eww. Stevie has his number already, is he blinded by the vajayjay?

Stevie is blinded by both the caviar and his inability to access, the way that he would like to. He’s a teenage boy trying to squeeze quickies in all day in between heavily monitored times. That argument between Stevie and Cheri was like imagining popcorn pop. You know the explosion is coming. When it does your like damned that's some Good popcorn! I kept saying Oh, and scrunching up my face like Stevie's next words are gonna get him smacked and then he did it. He said the ultimate, ONE word that is complete Taboo in anger no less. *SMACK* ! Round two lol!

Stevie often feels attacked when nobody is attacking him. I blame Dwight for this, because Stevie spent most of his life feeling like he had to explain and defend himself, to the point where his mentality is paranoid and he thinks that he has to fight whenever a conflict or challenge arises. Cheri is not a violent person, but whenever she gets angry (Teenage Cheerio) will lash out, because she’s in a position where she can’t just go to the spa or have a smoothie. She’s relaxed more later because she has the freedom to simply escape for a moment. Here, she’s a caged bird. Cheri is hella patient with him and I get it. I have had to explain blackness to other races, as if EVERY race and EVERY culture and EVERY class does not have their own innuendoes and humor. Even his Arian idiot family. Like the lady at work told my coworker with at straight face 'Don't all y'all like fried chicken? I said what did you do? My coworker said I took a deep breath and saidNo! And what you just said is considered racist. Of course she asked how? My coworker said she just walked away. I probably would have a. been patient and broke it down, or b. said ungh hungh just like all y'all like caviar and filet minion. Just would depend on my mood but Cheri is time enough for Stevie. Most of how she handles Stevie I agree with.

I don’t. It’s not my job to bear the burden of educating people who (if they gave a fuck) could access resources to educate themselves. I made those mistakes when I was younger, and that shit was nothing but additional emotional labor added to the constant processes I had to go through, throughout the day in my black ass skin. I watch racists getting beat up for being trash on YouTube all the time. That’s handling that I agree with.Lol. Now there is no way in hell any man would not take Derek's behavior as a challenge or threat. I felt like he was trying to purposely show Stevie he could reach Cheri in a way Stevie could not and do things with Cheri that Stevie could not just to put it in Stevie's face then try and hide behind a smile and laughter like he didn't have an agenda. Even if he doesn't like her like that he KNEW Cheri was with Stevie. He should have acted accordingly. I think Derek was trying to be sneaky. Yes Stevie is a jelly monster and he is territorial and possessive but that is Stevie. Like Mason calling Cheri Ri Ri then correcting himself in front of Stevie. Mason is not deliberately trying to poke the bear. He calms all that down in front of Stevie and Stevie eventually learns that Cheri has to have other friends. I don't think that was Derek's mind set, befriend Cheri and Stevie. He just liked having the attention sounds like from everyone, in a mental hospital. Stevie is not stupid. Cheri is a little Naïve I think, especially when she meets Max. To me she made a couple mistakes with that. Trust no one. Describe new people in addition to looking up tags. 

This is highly problematic, in my opinion, for many reasons, all of which - I’ll respectfully address. Firstly, any man or person in general that takes the friendship of someone else with their partner as a threat is toxic, and possibly abusive. Control and possessiveness are not key points of love. They are key points of obsession and obsession is almost always dangerous when it involves people as the object.

I don’t think that I wrote anything to indicate that Derek was in any way trying to challenge or compete with Stevie, so that feeling seems to be some internalized antiblackness or at the very least, sympathy for the devil - in this case, that’d be Stevie. Because HE was wrong and he reacted. There is nothing wrong with a black kid getting attention from people or trying to impress or please people, so I’m not sure why that would be considered poking the bear or purposefully trying to upset Stevie. 

They are ALL in the mental hospital, and while Stevie definitely isn’t STUPID, he certainly is psychotic. He’s not always right. Even his instincts are frequently off, at this juncture of his life and it isn’t the responsibility of a black boy, who is here for his own mental health to coddle Stevie and think about all the ways that he may or may not be offending him by being generally friendly to everyone around him, which is literally all Derek does in this chapter. I only wrote him making jokes and being jovial, up until the point that Stevie threatened him, out of paranoia, after being told multiple times that he shouldn’t bother with it.

And Cheerio is definitely naive, but that also doesn’t mean that she should have had all the answers as to why not to suspect everybody that she met. She did her part to try to keep herself safe, and of course, Max would have had avenues set up as to not tip her off. He’s been trained to deceive. Saying that she made some mistakes sounds a little bit victim blaming to me, especially considering that she followed the rules that were given to her, and whenever she was abducted, she was run off of the road and taken. She hadn’t met up with him in the woods, or something. 

She was extremely paranoid (affecting her mental state and her peace of mind), because of everything that they had told her and she had no way of knowing that someone who’s information came back clean was someone else. I feel like this must be stated - Max doesn’t just LOOK like Max Giardi when he greets her. He’s not going up to her looking like somebody that she could Google and she’s just put her thumb in her butt and calls it a coincidence. He’s tactical. He purposefully entered her world. He wouldn’t do it in a way that any normal person would notice that anything off, much less someone that he would presume has been told to look out for him.

Bonus Face Claim:

Ashlee Brian as Derek (Originally a dance crew member in “The End of Twerking” episode.

[elegant-etienne]

For Eti Adi & Kadin, if you'd be willing to answer for all 3! - 23. How does your character view death? Have they ever had to attend a funeral? If they were tasked with organising the funeral for someone, what manner of rites would they have performed? Do they believe in an afterlife? What about the Raise spell - do they believe it can be used, at all, or for the forces of good? Would they consent to being Raised themself?

FFXIV: ARR character asks!

One of my favorite subjects, thank you for the ask, @trahearnes ! What’s this, an excuse to lore-dump from my notes about my characters?! Sign me up!

Growing up in Ishgard, Etienne attended their share of funeral masses. The ones that hit hardest were young people cut down in the war - or due to complications of the cold and poverty of the Brume - before they ever really had a chance. As Etienne was the only living relative of their adoptive mother, they arranged for her funeral after caring for her long-term as she died of liver disease. They don’t remember that funeral particularly clearly as they were suffering tremendously from alcohol withdrawal at the time.

Despite being raised in the Church, Etienne has never felt particularly connected to Halone, especially as they grew up and grew increasingly aware of the hypocrisy endemic to Her followers. Etienne instead became devoted to Nald’thal, particularly the aspect of Thal, after witnessing a sermon at Arrzaneth Ossuary. They are not only a thaumaturge in the sense of being able to do the magic, but as a spiritual calling. They believe it is their duty to look after the dead - not so different from what they once did in Ishgard. They feel a sympathy and closeness with the dead. They view death as an integral part of life, and in fact find it comforting that their life will, must, eventually end. In fact they actually find death to be incredibly beautiful in a way that’s difficult to articulate. Etienne has trained in the rituals of the dead quite extensively, and when they worked as an adventurer, considered it an extension of their duty to help lay any dead to rest, regardless if they’d been enemies before. They would also take on the task of taking any belongings back to loved ones of the deceased, etc. Because of this, they’ll do their best to perform whatever practice would be what the dead wished for, and attempt to find out if they cannot answer that question.

Etienne believes the teaching of the Ossuary, that all must go before Thal for judgment in order to be welcomed to His halls. To Etienne, there is an important distinction in being welcomed to Halone’s bosom because you were virtuous, and being judged by Thal as worthy because of the proof of what you accomplished in life. They also stress that the emphasis on prosperity and material gain is intentionally misinterpreted by many in Ul’dah.

During Etienne’s thaumaturge training, not only did they learn about looking after the dead, but they handled threats of voidsent and so on. Having seen a voidgate open on more than occasion, Etienne is adamantly against any activity that could potentially let something through, and to them, that would be allowing a soul to get shoved back into a body after the aether was exhausted and the spirit temporarily fled. They are adamantly against any kind of magic approaching necromancy, and think Raise would be skirting the line. That being said, they’d consider it a genuine crisis of faith if faced with losing someone they cared for when they had an option to bring them back.

I think they would similarly struggle with whether or not they would want to be Raised. On paper, according to their own beliefs, they should go to Thal and accept their death. And yet, who would be able to accept that fate when faced with the option to accomplish a little bit more?

Adi has a more neutral stance on death - it’s neither good or bad, it’s an inevitable circumstance, like the weather. You can curse it all you like but it doesn’t lessen its effects. Having honed his healing skills by being forced to endure torture and life-threatening injuries, as well as watching members’ of his family fall apart mentally and physically during the prologued hereditary, and thus far terminal illness, has deeply affected his own view on his mortality. He’s both aware of how fragile a mortal can be, and how much they’re capable of enduring. Even as a dangerously powerful conjurer, he’s aware of his own limitations, and that some things (the life of his mother, his eye) cannot be saved. Best not to dwell on that, do what you can and be satisfied with that if possible.

Spiritually, he believes that the latent aether within all living things returns to the lifestream, and that aether is reused in all living things. The dead should also be reused, and all dead family members are placed in a shallow crypt beneath the roots of a great caretaker tree that provides food and air to all who choose to live in the ruins deep, deep underground. The faces of the dead appear in the bark of the tree, and thus they are never ‘gone’. However, it would be a tragedy for someone in the family to not be returned to the crypt, because they could not then ‘feed’ the rest of the family, or be remembered. Adi has also witnessed some evidence that some part of these family members is actually ‘alive’ within the tree, able to move and respond to being spoken to, although he is the only one who’s been able to see it. Because of this, sometimes he has trouble remembering his mother is actually dead, as when he goes home to visit his family, he is apparently able to speak with her.

He would wish to be Raised because is his family’s hope for survival. Maybe they don’t deserve it, but he takes it seriously.

Kadin’s clan has practiced ritual cannibalism for as long as they can remember as a way to respect the dead, and also to avoid burying people somewhere that would upset the elementals in the Shroud. They lived in a way so as to intentionally avoid wasting anything that could not be given back to the Shroud. Most of their spiritual practices were abandoned after the Calamity, as their leadership and way of life changed after the death of their leader (Kadin’s aunt) and the most powerful huntresses (her daughters) - it became immediately noticeable after the disaster that the elementals weren’t as strong as they once were, so the strictness of their drive to coexist with them changed. Kadin’s mother, who took over the tribe after the death of her sister, believed that these practices were barbaric and others would look down on them for doing it, and put an end to it.

Kadin believes that others literally live on after death because of how much of their essence was taken in by others, whether this involves consuming of the flesh of the dead, blood brotherhood, having children, or simply… combining… essence… in another manner. Like with dicks. In order to become truly strong, and understand others, you should take a part of them into you. When you die, you’re reborn, and are mostly a blank slate, but you’ll contain the essences of others within you and that will form who you ultimately are. For obvious reasons, he avoids discussing this, or practicing this, openly.

Kadin would want to be Raised so he can keep fighting! But he would also be alright with dying at this point, as he’s shared enough of his essence with others that he’s sure he’ll live on somehow.

[fishfingersandjellybabies]

Inevitable In Its Finality - fic

Characters: Bruce Wayne, Damian Wayne, Dick Grayson, Tim Drake Summary: He had to face facts. He and Damian were going to die, and there was nothing any of them could do about it. A/N: *Demi Lovato’s ‘Sorry Not Sorry’ plays on repeat as I slink away*

~~

He was known for his contingencies. For having Plan B, C and all the way down to Z. But here. Here he was all out. There was no Plan B. There was no way out. The oxygen was limited, and quickly being drained. So he had to face facts. He had to face the cold hard truth. He and Damian were going to die. And god, he wished it wasn't this way. Wished more than anything there was something he could do. Break his hand to get through a door. Plead with a baddie, sacrifice himself for his son - anything to save Damian. But there was nothing. They were in the equivalent of a shipping container, all holes and potential doors sealed from the outside, thrown into the middle of the desert by an explosion, and covered with tons of debris from the airship that they had originally been carried on.

And their belts had been lost hours ago. But even if they could get out, they'd likely dehydrate in the heat before they got their bearings, or ever even saw a town. Would probably suffocate from lack of real oxygen before they got past the wreckage they were buried under.

Not to mention they were both bloody and bruised from the freefall. From their prison tumbling in the unforgiving sand. They were going to die. Bruce was going to die, and get his son killed in the process, and there was nothing Batman nor Robin could do about it. And he didn't have to say anything. Just after a moment of silence, after an hour of trying, he turned towards Damian. Damian looked back, and immediately his shoulders lowered. He knew. He knew and he wouldn’t fight it. Bruce swallowed the lump in his throat and held out his arm, cape and all. Inhaled, and let out a slow sigh. "Come here, son." And Damian did. Rushed into Bruce's arms, and held his father for dear life, even as Bruce enveloped him into his cape. There was instantly a buzz in both their ears, and Bruce already knew who it was. Tried to steel his heart against the emotions rushing through his blood. "Hang on," Dick breathed. "Just hang on, Batman, okay? We're coming. I'm coming. So you and Robin - just hang on." Slowly, Bruce began to lower himself and Damian to the floor. Sighed again as he leaned against the wall, and kept his son against his side. "Dick-" "Shut up." Dick hissed desperately. Bruce heard an engine being shifted into a higher gear. "Shut up, B. I'm coming, I'm going to save you both, and there's nothing either of you can say about it." And despite the obvious, Bruce didn't have the heart to break Dick's hope. So he did was he was told. He shut his mouth and just silently rubbed at Damian's back, in an attempt at useless comfort. "Okay, Dick." He whispered instead. Felt Damian hold him tighter, in his own attempt not to upset his oldest and most beloved brother. Bruce just pulled his cowl back, and pressed a kiss to Damian's hair. "We'll be here." "You better be." Dick's voice broke in desperation. In tears already mounting. "You...you better be, Bruce." Bruce didn’t respond, and Dick didn’t push him for one. Just held his son, and held his faith, that against all odds and logic and facts, they’d make it. It was all he could do. For his own sake. For Damian’s. For Dick’s. Damian, for his part, was silent. Just clung to his father with everything he had. And Bruce should ask. After all, Damian had experience dying before. He could ask what it was like, but…it didn’t seem appropriate to. And he didn’t want to spend his last moments preparing. He wanted to spend it with his son. The one he was dooming - had doomed, since the moment he was conceived - to death. “I’m sorry.” He mumbled into the crown of Damian’s head. “I’m so sorry, Damian. For everything.” Damian just shook his head, squeezed Bruce tighter to himself. “Don’t.” Damian whispered. “It’s not important.” “I love you.” Bruce continued - because that was important. That was the most important thing in the world right now. “I love you so much, and always have. Even if you believed - even if it seemed like I didn’t.” “I know.” Damian rasped, and already the air was getting thin. They didn’t have long. “I’ve always known.” “Almost there.” Dick rasped through the comm. “Just hang on a little longer, guys.” They didn’t have a little longer. “Just close your eyes.” Bruce murmured into Damian’s hair. “I won’t let you go. And I’ll be right behind you.” And Damian tried. He tried to tighten his grip on his father, but his power and consciousness were both fading. “…Promise?” And Bruce could do nothing but: “Promise.” Damian nodded, and Bruce felt him relax, finally giving in. Not dead, not yet. Just...accepting. “I love you, Richard. I always have.” Damian wheezed. “Thank you for loving me too.” “You can tell me that to my face when I get there.” Dick ground out, but still gentle in his delivery. Always gentle for his littlest brother. “Just hang on for me, kiddo, okay?” And already - Damian didn’t have the strength to respond. “...Okay, Damian?” A sigh, and Bruce had to close his eyes to hold back his tears. “Damian?!” “Yeah.” He croaked, and Dick let out a quiet sob. “‘Kay.” “I’m coming.” Dick repeated. “I’m almost there. I’m almost-“ Bruce tuned him out. Focused on Damian and his breathing, and his shallowing own. Focused on the burning in his lungs, and how time seemed to be slowing. Then on one breath - he knew. He didn’t have many more. “Dick...” “Don’t. Please don’t say it.” Dick wailed. And Bruce knew his eldest was finally facing reality. “Please just hang on.” “I love you.” Bruce continued weakly. Felt Damian take one of his last breaths in his arms. “And I am so proud of you. I always have been.” “And you’ve always been able to escape death too, so do it again here. Please. Please just get out, Bruce.” A pause, then a quiet, guilty whisper. “Please just get Damian out.” Bruce smiled. Because Dick was so precious. Because it was time. “I love you. And Damian loves you.” Bruce repeated. He heard Damian inhale, and watched the boy look up at him, tears running down his face. He took his final breath too. “Thank you so much for loving us too, Dick.” “Bruce, no.” “Tell the others we love them too. Tim, Jason, Cassandra, Barbara, Stephanie. Alfred. Even those goddamn Kents.” Bruce chuckled as he closed his eyes. “Thank you. All of you. For making our lives better. For making us both so happy.” He leaned his head back against the wall then, and felt Damian slump completely against him. Then, everything went white. ~~ Tim showed up second, and went running into the wreckage. The smell of death mixed with the never-ending screams and echoing sobs. He’d heard. Of course he did, their communicators were open lines, everyone heard. He knew before Dick did. Might have even known before Bruce. Slowly, he walked into the room. The room Dick had to use an explosive to get into. The man in question was collapsed to his knees in the corner, Damian’s lifeless body clutched in his arms, having been ripped from Bruce’s rigored hold. He was rocking back and forth, like the movement would revive his lost family. Tim swallowed the building lump in his own throat as he walked forward, and crouched next to Dick. He didn’t know where to look. He couldn’t look at Damian or Bruce, and Dick’s shattering was too much for even him to handle. So he looked at none of them. Just put a hand around Dick’s back, leaned his head on his shaking shoulder, and stared at the ground.

This loss. This tragedy. Just…this.

They were never, ever going to come back from this.

[sapphicsugden]

no strings attached (aaron/robert, victoria) in which aaron is insensitive, and robert worries 

so this is the first proper angst fic i’ve written in deaf!worse and i;m worried. it’s just.... i realised aaron had been more than sympathetic towards robert for too long and it didn’t feel realistic? especially not to aaron’s character. so. this is the fic i’ve written to make myself feel more comfortable. because life for deaf people isn’t always easy. 

NOT THAT THIS DOESN’T HAVE A HAPPY ENDING. because this is ultimately a feel good fic series so.

for @robertisbisexual @victoriasugden and @capseycartwright  and so many other people who always tell me they love my deaf!au and i am never going to be worthy of any of you

Robert’s in the cafe. 

He doesn’t want to to go to the pub, because he knows that’s where Aaron’ll be, and he can’t be bothered to deal with the mass of Dingles who will inevitably want to stick their noses in. 

Tucked into the corner, out of the way of most of the diners, Robert’s nursing a cup of tea. It’s not his usual fair, shrugging aside Bob’s usual sign of Americano for a different drink. He doesn’t know why now that he has it, watching steam curl out of the top of the mug. Laika’s at his feet, head on is trainer, and tail thumping rhythmically against his other leg. She’s got her ears pricked in Bob’s direction, and Robert knows she’s waiting for the obligatory treat. Usually, it would be enought to draw out a smile, but Robert’s not in the mood.

There’s a wave of a hand in the periphery of Robert’s vision and he looks up, watches Bob wave in his direction. 

Victoria. 

Robert makes a face, knows his sister can’t resist sticking her nose in his relationship. He doesn’t want to talk about Aaron, not to anyone, much less his little sister. 

Afterward, when Robert slammed his way out of Andy’s, ignoring the brush of Aaron’s hand against his arm, he’d seen her outside of David’s and wanted to scream at her, blame her. She was the reason he and Aaron had met that way, the sign for good looking drawing him in like she knew it would. 

Now Robert’s just tired, trying to ignore the unfurling sadness and loneliness in his chest. 

Vic slides into the seat opposite, Laika’s happy rumble as she reaches up for a pet. Vic obliges, scratches her fingers through Laika’s fur. Robert risks a glance up, sees the sad look on her face. She meets his gaze. One handed, she signs,You okay?

Fine, Robert signs, a look on his face letting her know just how stupid the question is. I love fighting with my boyfriend.

The word still shocks Robert sometimes, the thrill up his spine. He and Aaron have been together so long, sometimes it feels like he’s always been in Robert’s life. 

Until yesterday. 

Aaron’s in the pub, Vic tells him unnecessarily. 

Robert snorts, hands angry as he tells her, why do you think I’m in here? Much less chance of running into a Dingle.

The sign for Dingle has changed recently; before, when Jack formed the sign, he’d been derogatory. Robert hadn’t know why, but had followed, because he hadn’t understood the implication behind the sign. Thinks didn’t improve between Jack and Robert and Robert abandoned all signs his father had formed. Even more so when Robert fell in love with a Dingle. 

He combines the signs for family and love into a familial love symbol that Vic knows the implications for. Their family wasn’t always the closest, and for all their criminality and dysfunction, the love running underneath the Dingles was vast and all-encompassing. 

Even for Robert, whose own family had been at odds with the Dingles for so many years. 

Until Aaron. 

Until Aaron and Robert. 

He’s hurting, Vic tells him, abandoning Laika in order to use both hands. Robert, whatever he did-

Robert cuts her off, shaking his head. It can’t be made better by a simple I love you, Vic. 

Vic looks frustrated, runs a hand over her head. He’s sorry. You know he is.

Shrugging, Robert stares down into his cup of tea. You wanna know what he said?

Does it matter?

Anger bubbles up in his chest. “We’re not having a stupid fight, Vic,” Robert snaps, watches shock ripple across Vic’s face, Bob’s interested frown. 

“Robert-”

“Laika,” Robert snaps, and she’s immediately on her feet, harness still firmly attached. 

Vic holds up a hand. Robert.

We fought, Robert signs viciously, one-handed. Just because I can be a dick sometimes, doesn’t give him the right to say the things he said. Of course they matter.

Without waiting for Vic’s response, Robert gestures for Laika to lead the way out of the cafe.

The cricket pavilion has been Robert’s escape for so long. 

He remembers coming here after the diagnosis, hiding away from prying eyes and sad smiles. It had been safer, somehow, to be by himself, even if it had been incredibly isolating. 

Laika’s sitting in the doorway, watching the birds flitter from bush to tree. Robert’s got a foot on her lead, not that she’d ever run far. She’s well trained. Phone in hand, Robert’s scrolling through his emails, deliberately not looking at anything else; there’s so much of Aaron in his phone, he can’t stand the pinch of hurt in his chest. 

After the third email, Laika shifts, ears pricked and tail going ninety to the dozen. She’s over excited, and Robert knows of only one person who can garner that reaction from her besides Robert. 

He stiffens, waits for the shadow to fall across the window, and a familair figure crouch down in front of Laika. Robert’s watching his mouth, sees him form the words, “Hey, girl. Thought you might be here.”

Aaron’s eyes lift from their dog - because Robert’s hearing dog she may be, but she’s theirs, has been since they brought her home - up to Robert’s face. 

Hi, he signs, hesitating, not moving from his crouch. 

Robert’s missed him, but he’s still angry enough that his jaw clenches, and he signs, Hi? That’s all I get, huh?

That’s not fair, Aaron signs, pushing himself back up to his feet. You didn’t even give me a chance to apologise.

For which part? Robert abandons his pretence of indifference and gestures angrily between them, hands signing faster than Aaron’s used to, and maybe he’s not getting everything, but Robert’s been sitting on this for a day. The part where you started over an argument over something you suggested? Or the part where you told me that our lives would be so much easier if I could hear?

Aaron looks ashamed, colour flushing his cheeks. There’s guilt in every line of his body, and Robert can see the pain in every gesture of his hands. 

I was scared, Aaron says, eyes full of emotion. They’re wet, like he wants to cry, and Robert’s heart skips. What I said was inexcusable. I was angry because you weren’t taking your safety seriously. Having Laika doesn’t guarantee you’re completely safe. 

That doesn’t mean you can treat my deafness like it’s something to be fixed, Robert replies, hands calmer. Aaron’s eyes flick to the seat next to Robert. With a nod, Robert slides over, waits for Aaron to sit gingerly on the edge before continuing. If you want easy, there are plenty of people that aren’t deaf. 

Aaron nods, brushes a hand over his eyes. They’re not you.

Robert’s caving, can feel himself wanting to give in, but he’s hurt. You invited me to work at the Scrapyard. No job is going to be 100% safe for me, Aaron. You have to understand that if we’re going to have a future.

I know.  Aaron shifts, sits so that he’s facing Robert, one leg tucked underneath him. I’m just scared of losing you. That’s not an excuse, I’m not trying to get you to forgive me, I’m just trying to explain. I didn’t mean that I wished you could hear.

Objectively, Robert knows that. Aaron’s rarely vindictive, if ever, and he wears his heart on his sleeve. Robert knew as soon as Aaron said it that he was sorry, and guilty, but the words were out there and neither of them could ignore them or pretend they hadn’t been said. 

But you wish I had an implant or something, Robert signs slowly, wants Aaron to understand enough to get the implication of what he’s asking. 

No, Aaron signs, emphatic in his expression. That’s your choice and your choice alone. 

So why did you say it? Robert asks, wants desperately to know. 

If you could hear, Aaron signs slowly, eyes on Robert’s face, like he’s choosing everything he says carefully, you would be safe. If you could hear, you wouldn’t come this close to being injured at work again. If you could hear, 

But, Robert starts, stalls when Aaron wraps his fingers around Robert’s and squeezes. Robert waits him out, watches Aaron’s fingers tap his chin, bring his head up. 

But you can’t hear, Aaron signs. And that doesn’t change how I feel about you. I love you just as you are, you believe me, don’t you?

Yes, Robert says, because he does. He can’t not. 

Then trust that I said what I did out of worry and fear of losing you. 

It still hurts, and Robert’s used to having his deafness seen as inconvenience enough that he’s still worried it will come up again, that Aaron will bring it up again, but as he stares into Aaron’s face, sees the love and the guilt and worry written all over it, Robert hopes it won’t. 

I don’t want the implant, Robert says. I don’t like wearing my hearing aids because they amplify everything except the important bits. 

Aaron lifts his hands, but it’s Robert’s turn to wave him off. 

Let me finish, he signs. I know you’re scared and even with Laika, you’re worried I’ll hurt myself. Which is why I spoke to Charity.

Aaron raises his eyebrows, puzzled but interested. 

I’ve had my injury settlement sat in the bank for as long as I’ve been deaf. Robert doesn’t know how or why Jack convinced the insurance company to pay up, and he doesn’t want to know. The money was the only thing aside from Sarah that Jack ever did right. I bought out her share of Home James. 

A smile curves Aaron’s lips. Robert’s hit with just how much he loves him, how much he wants him. Really?

Robert nods. I might have to hand in my notice. 

Aaron laughs. He sobers quickly, looking sad. And us?

I love you, Robert signs easily. He shifts closer, touches Aaron’s face. Aaron leans into it, like he’s missed it, and Robert’s heart aches. I’m hurt and I’ll still worry you don’t want me because I’m deaf.

Never, Aaron signs. He darts in, presses a quick kiss to Robert’s lips. Robert’s hand catches the back of his head, holds him there. They kiss slowly, reverently, and Robert knows he couldn’t give this up. He trusts Aaron, trusts that he won’t hurt Robert again. When they part, Aaron brushes a thumb over Robert’s bottom lip. He tilts his head back, waits for Robert to press his index and middle finger to his throat before saying, “I love you.”

Robert’s heart skips and he leans in, buries his face in Aaron’s neck. Aaron’s fingers brush through his hair, his lips press to Robert’s temple. Robert swallows, says, “Can you handle me not wanting the implant?”

Pulling back, Aaron holds Robert’s face in his hands, looks genuine and honest. “It’s your choice,” he says. “I love you for you, Robert. Nothing is going to stop that.”

“Promise?” Robert can’t stop himself asking. 

I promise, Aaron signs, and says. 

Robert hears him, lets himself believe it.