#& when he died it occurred to me that we could easily lose both grandparents and all 3 pets within the year

[moveslikekeithrichards]

its so hard to talk about how traumatic it is to watch somebody be claimed by dementia without going "well i cant complain because at least i wasnt the one losing my mind (for now)" but that shit fucks you up so much. that ghost is going to haunt me for the rest of my life and all i can do is hope it Stays a ghost

[bigskydreaming]

Okay haha I lied, whoops I do that. THIS is the last one. Again from various parts of ‘Kings of the Sky’ but since I was talking so much about Dick’s grandfather, why not some snippets of him from this series too. (For this AU I imagined what if Dick’s paternal grandparents lived into their eighties, like do we KNOW they couldn’t have? Hmm? Don’t answer that if we do, shh, let me have this. Anyway, so here Dick’s grandmother died when he was two and his grandfather when he was five.)

Dick is retelling this story about him and his grandfather to Jason and Cass.

************

“But there is no King of the Sky, Dickie,” he’d said to me then with a wink. “That’s the joke, you see? No one can claim the sky as theirs, no one can own it. Send your armies to seize it in your name and all you’d see is legions of empty-handed fools all grasping at air! There’s no way to draw your borders, no foundation on which you could build any walls. And where would you even put your throne?”

“He’d laughed then, mischievous and wheezing, as he recalled all the courts the circus had entertained back in its glory days, when Europe’s nobility would always each host some circus or troupe or performers at various festivals. All the kings and queens for whom he’d performed his signature feats, who’d show him off to their most important guests afterwards. The ones who had been invited specifically so they’d see that this court held only the grandest of celebrations, that they and their guests were entertained by only the very best of the best.”

“Oh, but they were always so eager to introduce me by title,” he’d said, rheumy eyes still somehow keeping their sparkle. “There they were, kings and crown princes, pushing me forward and telling their guests to come greet me, this commoner they were all too glad to proclaim royalty no different to them. After all, any king can present his guests with an entertaining spectacle, but how much grander is the king who hosts the spectacle of being entertained by another king? Ah, but they were always more than happy to elevate me if but for the night…in doing so, they elevated themselves as well. Up we all went, all without feet ever leaving the floor!”

“Names can be such a funny thing, don’t you think?” He’d sighed and sort of mused then, stroking his chin like he was pondering some great mystery. “Meaning nothing and everything all at the same time. That’s a powerful trick. Useful too, if you can master it.”

I know I started giggling then, just because as far back as I can remember, names were always kind of a…almost a passion of his, I guess you could say. It was just this thing he did, it was like he could never just let a name be. There was always some trick to a name, he’d insist. You just had to find it. Its why our family colors were red, yellow and green, as a matter of fact. All in only the brightest hues of each, combining to make us the complete opposite of the Gray in our name.

"The crowd comes in to see the acrobat named Grayson,” my grandfather would say, “and what do they expect from just the name? Drab, unremarkable, likely to be lost in the shadows, from just the sound of him. But then he dives off the platform in a burst of colors impossible to miss and the crowd gasps, expectations shattered in an instant….and from there, they think, what more surprises might possibly await? And already you have them at the edge of their seat, eyes caught by the colors of a costume its impossible to lose sight of. You command their attention, you’re unencumbered by their assumptions, and they’re yours from that moment on. And all of that from just a pop of color, a warning that you are not what they thought….and a name. A Flying Grayson, up above as expected, yet unexpectedly the brightest thing in the sky. An inherent contradiction. An impossible sight you can’t help but to see.”

“Anyway, so there I was,” Dick said, straightening up and shaking his head with a slightly rueful smile, as if to physically pull himself out of the undertow of memories tugging him further away from where he’d begun. “Already giggling just from his little chin-stroking act as he started talking about names, because I knew he was bound to say something silly next, just from that. And he’d jumped a little, and turned in his chair to face me directly and with his full focus, because Grandpa thrived off of an engaged audience like nothing else.”

“Yes, a powerful thing, a name,” he’d continued after a moment that was either a dramatic pause or me thinking anything longer than ten seconds might as well be the same as an hour, at that age. “But a tricky business, naming things, as you first have to know what a thing is, before you attempt to claim it by naming it what it is not. Because being named can just as easily be a powerful trap, of course. If a man doesn’t know himself well enough to know he is not what a name claims, he can wind up stuck in a cage that’s not sized to fit him. Simply because he doesn’t know he has more than enough room to slip free of it if he tried.”

“Then he leaned down close enough to me to whisper, and looked around as if checking we were alone before dropping into a raspy whisper like we were conspiring. “But a man who knows what he wants and knows what he’s capable of, and can put the right name to both….that’s where the real magic is. Do you know what kind of power your name has?”

“Richard means lion-hearted,” I remember reporting after some thought. And that he blew a raspberry right after that like he was the five year old of the two of us, but then, Grandpa was just like that sometimes. “Yes, yes, true enough,” he said, making a face like he’d tasted something sour, “But I don’t mean the one your father picked probably to spite me for naming him John in the first place. No matter how many times I tell him I had nothing to do with that, I lost the right to name him in a card game with your Grandmother. Although for the record, I still maintain I didn’t lose, she just cheated. But I still have no idea how she did it so I have to respect that, I suppose. But no. Not that name. The one your mother gave you.”

“And of course then I knew he meant Robin, and said so, and he asked what that meant to me. And I remember thinking long and hard about that one, because as I said, I knew even by that age what Grandpa was like on the subject of names, and so I was sure there was some kind of riddle or game in what he was asking, I just wasn’t sure where. So finally I just referred back to what my Mom always used to say, about me being born on the first day of spring, and being her little Robin. And he just nodded, and then he asked: And do you remember the first time you called yourself Robin to someone else, and why? What you said then?”

*******************

And then from the very last (intended) installment, ‘Its a Long, Long Way To Tipperary,’ again with Dick telling this to Jason and Cass and finishing a conversation started earlier in the series:

“Names have power,” Grandpa said to me, on one of the last days I remember with him before he passed away. We were sitting outside in folding chairs and watching the stars, until he got too cold and we had to go in. But while we were out there, so much of what he said…I didn’t really understand most of it at the time. Honestly, even what I thought I understood, I realized years later wasn’t really right. I could follow the words but so much of what he meant, I didn’t even begin to understand until I happened to look back to that night years later.

But for months I’d heard my parents talking when they thought I couldn’t hear. I’d seen him doubled over and coughing more and more frequently, how tightly he clutched a blanket around him when it wasn’t really all that cold. I may not have fully known what was coming but I think I knew on some level that something was coming to an end.

And I remember him talking so fast that night, words spilling out so quickly in a confusing mess like he couldn’t take the time to shape them properly and just had to get them out….I remember soaking it all in, as much as I could, knowing that it was important even if I didn’t know what it even was, or why. Like I was trying to just….absorb it, make it a part of me the way it almost felt like it was bleeding out of him. I don’t know that the thought, the image of him dying that summer, of soon being without him, I can’t say whether that actually ever occurred to me. I just know that I knew urgency, and I knew Grandpa was only urgent when it mattered, so I listened without understanding and somehow managed to store most of it away. And honestly, I don’t know that he was even trying to make sure he was understood, or even caring….so much as just trying to get it out of him, like what was most important was just that he said it and it was heard. Maybe just so he knew it wouldn’t die with him.

“But however it got there, however it was I managed to remember clearly enough, there it all was, and right when I most needed to hear what he’d said to me that night. The things nobody else could have told me because nobody else knew the secret language of names that he seemed to speak, that he’d spent his whole life learning all so that maybe he could somehow in that find his own name. Not the label he’d been left with, a description or title.....but a name, the one each child is supposed to get, something to say who they are, not merely what.”

“Names have power,” he said to me that night. “They can be magic in the right hands. A man who knows who he is knows his own name. And the things you can do with that, the doors that can be unlocked…oh, Dickie, my boy. There’s a door to anywhere if you can speak the right name when asked for a key. But its not enough to just say them and throw them around, its not the sounds, the words, its what they are. You can’t pretend to know a thing, to know yourself. You have to really, truly know. But once you know….for a boy as bright as you, there’s no end to the possibilities.”

“So here’s what you must always remember, the real trick of it all…..names have power. But the power isn’t in the name. The power is in what you put in that name. You can’t claim a name and therein take its power, you see….because you have to know first what you’re trying to take from it, what you see when you look at it. What you want it to be, want it to give to you, what you want it to make you when you say this is me and I am this. Your father named you Richard, though he calls you Dickie. You were born a Flying Grayson and thus you always will be. Your mother named you her little Robin, born on the first day of spring. And all of these can be you, because no one is just one thing. And yet none of them are you unless you claim them to be.

So if you are to be Robin, as your mother named you but is only you if you choose to say yes that is me…..before you claim it fully, before you truly make it yours, you have to look at Robin and what you want the mirror to show when you look in it and say I am Robin and this is me. You have to see Robin not as even your mother sees her Robin, but as you see your Robin.

That’s the danger and that’s the trick.

You can’t claim Robin while seeing only what someone else sees, and think that by claiming it you’ve claimed its power….instead you’ve just claimed a trap, donned a self that doesn’t suit you because it is not you, only something someone else thought could be you.

Because in claiming that, you claim everything that comes with it….and then you will never be free to be more than whatever they thought you could be. There is no power in that, no potential, no freedom…..just the limitations you’ve accepted as your own, because someone thought you limited by such things, and yet you agreed that they were right when you claimed the name….but only the name as they shaped and imagined it to be.

So who is Robin? What power do you see in that name? Don’t reach out and seize it the moment someone sets it forth in front of you, assuming that is all it can be, the highest it can ever take you. Never claim a name if you haven’t first looked at it as you first see it...and then imagined it bigger, and then imagined it deeper, and then imagined it greater...and then kept going until you can’t imagine any more. And only then will you know what that name is…..when you say this name is who I truly want to be.

Robin is a bird, yes, Robin Red-Breast, a creature of spring, of the air, of new life. You can claim that and make it yours but first…..what else could Robin be?

Can not Robin just as easily be Robin Hood or Robin Goodfellow? Couldn’t you be? And why even be just one, when you can be all three?

No man is ever just one thing, and any man who thinks that he is has more dreaming to do. 

So be Robin, in as much as you imagine Robin to be. Be the bird that flies, or the champion of the poor, or the merry trickster whom even kings fear. Or be all of them in one….there’s power enough for all of that in just that one little name….so long as you put it there first.

Its that simple, and its that tricky. There is no in between. You are whatever you claim as you - but the good and the bad, for better and for worse. The space that name holds and the walls that hold it in.

So if you remember nothing more, Dickie, Richard, Robin times three or however many more Robins you might be…..if someday you say I taught you nothing else, there’s nothing else I gave you or left for you to take with you wherever you go, hear me now, and remember this:

No matter how well you might think it suits you at first, the name you claim because it fits you as you are....will never be more than a trap.

The power in names, the true power…..only comes from claiming the name that fits the you, that you would dream yourself to be.

You can always be more than you are. And any name that tells you otherwise is not truly anything but a lie.

Many kings of the earth have laughed as they introduced your family as Kings of the Sky throughout the years. But the jest they don’t get is for all their riches, they were the ones content to claim titles and deeds that leave them trapped on the ground, confined within borders of their own makings, sealed behind walls they chose to erect between them and everything that was not theirs and thus would never be. But a King of the Sky soars above all of that, needing none of that…..because the sky has no end, and is so much vaster than any of that could ever be.

So if you would someday choose a crown, my little Prince of the Sky, never seek yours on the ground. Reach for one bigger than the ground could ever hold….only that could ever fit all that you might someday be.”

[misadventuresofthatoregongirl]

A little background... I am 27 years old. I have a 9 year old. I have been with his father since I was 12 years old, I have never “dated” anyone else. I have seen others, but never been in a relationship with anyone else. in January 2019 my little brother (we were 4 years apart and very lose) was left for dead by police after he got in a car wreck and had a head injury. He had a pulse for 30 minutes yet was never taken to the hospital, that was 10 minutes away. A week later some rich yuppie blew their entire head off with a shotgun, 80 miles away from the hospital, had no pulse, but was air lifted to the hospital. I strongly feel my brother was left for dead due to the fact he had unpaid fines. Mostly due to no car insurance or “driving while suspended” over no car insurance. But I know only blacks matter in this country, not some mutt who is half native american half white. That has been made ABUNDUNTLY CLEAR. 

If you are one of those stupid cunts with the “driving is a privilege” bullshit mindset, (driving to work should not be a privilege should be a basic human right and “ride the bus” only big cities have busses and many people have to commute to larger cities in Oregon) when basic liability insurance is about $300 a month for people who are never on mommy and daddys insurance, please kindly fuck off. Housing in Oregon is insane, already, most people have half or more of their money going to rent if they can manage to get somewhere to rent to them at all, they should not have to have another 1/4th or more of their income going to basic liability insurance when they have never even had a ticket. I went through the same shit. Eventually police would just wait in the parking lot for me to leave work and just ticket me over and over, I was denied a hardship permit that is also such a scam. Pay a bunch of money for something you aren’t even guaranteed to get. I drove 1000 miles a week just to get to work, because I could not find work in the rural area I live in not could I afford the $1500 a month rent in the city that has jobs (that’s basically how much I made a month) it is what is is. I had no choice. 

Paying for car insurance crippled me financially. I was actually split up with his father at that time but had to come crawling back begging for money due to my $300 basic liability insurance. The tickets are not even on my record anymore, for driving with no insurance and driving while suspended but its still $260 a month. Absolutely sickening. I don’t have a fucking dime left over after i pay bills, and my boyfriend works and we STILL have no fucking money. Ever. We don’t get to go on vacations, we live in the shittiest neighborhood in the entire county, in a shit trailer, drive shitty cars, I assure you we have nothing nice. Nicest thing he had is probably his work boots which were paid for by his boss, working your ass off in Oregon does not pay off. “Get a better job” no shit sherlock, did it ever occur to you its difficult to not get fired from your job you are currently working, and still go to interviews? Employers be like “I know you have a job currently but can you drop everything and come in an hour?” Oh yeah, totally. And if you try and schedule it for a time maybe you won’t get fired its usually “Nevermind.” And the interview process is a begging a groveling process like you’re a god damn peasant. Why do I want this job? MONEY! Why else! Why does anyone want any job? I worked at a staffing agency for 4 years and I can not tell you how many people did well at those stupid cookie cutter questions but were shit workers. I wish places would just let you work a day or two and see. 

Then I got laid off as soon as stupid corona hit in March, they already fired my office manager and a sales person “over discounted bill rates”. Kinda like how the Dollar Tree stays in business because its cheap but more volume is sold (worked there before too that was horrible) so they have just as much profit if not more, as say Walgreens or something. With corporate clowns coming down and saying to clients basically pay the full rate or we are taking you to court, to 3/4 of the clients, sales tanked. They tried to blame corona but the sales were complete shit before that as soon as they fired the two people who had most of the sales, with discounted bill rates. I am still friends with someone who managed to not get fired. They said in a conference call this week they announced they would be lowering bill rates. *Face palm* now that you fired hundreds of people, you are lowering bill rates. How many lives did you ruin before coming to your senses? Companies here are just so fucking awful!

A few years ago I decided I wanted to move out of the country. However if you have a child, both parents have to sign a passport form unless you don’t have the father listed on the birth certificate. Norway in particular I like, its beautiful, free healthcare, minimum wage twice that of Oregon with cheaper rent and free healthcare, they also help with childcare. They claim they do in Oregon but your “copay” is usually so high you might as well just pay out of pocket and not deal with all the states controlling bullshit you have to deal with when you get state assistance. People like to say “Norway has higher taxes” please shut up and go look at Oregon’s income tax rate. One of the highest in the country. Expensive gas, INSANE housing, its just not possible to have a decent life here in Oregon. I love the ocean also. Norway is beautiful and comes in the top countries for quality of life every year, meanwhile USA is at the very bottom. 

Everyone called me paranoid all those years, I just had a bad feeling that something bad was going to happen also and I needed to get out while I still could. Next remark “how can you afford to get there if you are so broke?” Simple don’t pay my outrageous rent and insurance for 1 month problem solved. My child’s father finally agreed to sign the passport form now that its too late and Americans are banned from basically every country in the world, once the racism and virus bullshit started. Super awesome. He will never hear the end of that from me. Its been months and I still do not even have the passport. Even if I did I AM TRAPPED HERE!!!!!!!!!! I can not even go to fucking Canada!

I decided ok, I will try and move to Montana/Idaho/North Dakota or something. Give up my ocean in attempts to get the hell away from all this mask and the non existent “racism” bullshit. Go somewhere with a lower cost of living, more jobs with higher wages. I absolutely can not stand wearing the face masks. There is no evidence they work, just go look at Sweden. Or the states I just named which have no mask laws. Also a lot of rural areas in Oregon do not wear them seems like the entire populations would have been sick or dead. I am not looking to argue with scared little sheep over this. Before you say “I hope your grandparents die” because I don’t wear them, something that I have seen many people say to myself and anyone else without a mask, my grandparents have said many times they would rather be dead than be completely isolated over some bullshit virus with a higher survival rate than the flu. Plus the media has lied so much, how can you believe a word they say? Seriously? They are all left winged biased. I am not even a conservative and I can see it. But people just eat the shit up. That 26 year old who they claimed died in Oregon from coronavirus, turns out did not even have the virus the CDC medical examiner said. So you choose for yourself what to believe. 

I did get a job in Montana very easily. In six fucking months in Oregon I had maybe 5 phone calls for a job, all minimum wage no benefit shit jobs. I did 2 years of business and law classes, 4 years of heavy payroll and accounting for work so its not like I have absolutely no experience in anything worth a fuck. Plus 8 years total of customer service or more I have been working since I was 18 with gaps here and there between jobs. But with my boyfriend and son back in Oregon, 900 miles away, it was really difficult. I had never been alone like that or even stayed a night away from my child. Never in 9 years. First of all staying in some shitty hotel... I hate hotels in general I like my little nest, as shitty as my house may be, even at a nice hotel I would rather sleep in my own shitty bed. I lasted 2 weeks, only having $100  week leftover for food and other bills spending $400 a week at the cheapest motel I could find, before I gave up. I could not save money for a deposit or loan and my boyfriend has absolutely no credit so he could not get approved for a loan or rental either. He also had absolutely no one to watch our child back in Oregon with everything being closed so he could not work during that time and almost lost the job he had. Done landscaping for 11 years and still only makes $2 above minimum wage because companies treat employees like such shit in Oregon. I was so close, had a decent pay (way more than I ever made in Oregon even though Montana has a lower minimum wage) with benefits, but it was impossible to move into a rental. My credit is good enough for a loan, but I could not save money for a down payment staying in a hotel. Plus I was so lonely and miserable. Now winter is coming and we will not be able to go back and forth in that snow in little cars anyways.

If we would have succeeded, I would have gotten us into a rental and then quit as soon as he got a job because we never have anyone to watch our child and the cost of living is so much lower we would not HAVE to both work like we do here in Oregon. Especially now. Seriously, what the fuck do they expect people with kids to do? Schools are closed and even if they weren’t there is no way in hell I would send my kid wearing a mask all day. SO bad for you! They have to wear them all day “except at lunch” ok so might as well just take the damn things off the entire day. These rules don’t even make sense how do people not see that? Or in a restaurant you have to wear them if you walk to the bathroom but not at the table what logic is that? How do people not see through this bullshit? And children are gross they touch everything masks are going to do shit at schools. Notice the schools that did open, masks or no masks still had a shitload of cases. Single parents are especially screwed in particular. I guess if you could somehow both find employers willing to work with your schedule (good luck with that) you could constantly work opposite shifts as your partner/spouse and never seen them and work. 

Anyways, jobs for him paid more up there too, rent is fucking half of what it is in Oregon. Their average rent is the price of “low income housing” in Oregon. But we just could not do it. I tried. I tried so hard. I even learned Norwegian jeg snakker norsk und ich spreche auch Deutsch because Austria was another country I was interested in. You can try and try and try here, but unless you get lucky, or your parents help you, I do not know how people do it. All the old people I know here don’t have enough money to live off either after working 50 years. Its so sad.

I am no perfect person either. I am pretty bitchy, I have horrible anxiety I quit public school at age 12 and finished online, yes I have a high school diploma. I actually did all my high school schooling in 2 years after skipping 3 years of school with no problem. I never even really went to middle school and still managed. I am not stupid. I just have a hard time doing things I am absolutely miserable doing.

I will go into more detail, year by year on what a shitshow it is to live in the USA but in particular Oregon. The entire west Coast really. I hate it here and I just want out but I have tried everything. 

[lazymilkshakecolor]

The bridge

 this was originally a request by this person @ sorimashi2 

Summary: Sarada is behaving strangely because of what she has learned of the true relationship between the village and her clan, Naruto confronts her about it.

''Seventh.''

''Sarada.''

Both of them glared menacingly at each other, the atmosphere was tense, as if they were going to start a fight at any second, all it took was one wrong move.

One would expect a fifteen-year-old to cower in front of the seventh hokage's glare, but Sarada was no ordinary fifteen year old, she's the heir to a clan that used to be the mightiest, and she's the daughter of two of the strongest and bravest  ninja alive, so of course she won't cower.

''Your move,'' Sarada said, a challenging edge to her voice.

Naruto's brows furrowed in concentration, thinking about what to do, after a few seconds he decided.

Sarada smirked and moved her piece.

''Check mate.'' She said cheerfully.

''Guh, this game is stupid dattebayo!''

Sarada giggled at the hokage's distaste of chess, if you ask her, she'd say that chess is a very entertaining game.

Naruto smiled at the girl's cheerfulness, a cheerfulness he missed these couple of weeks.

The girl has been acting strange lately, he wouldn't have thought much about it, she's a teenager after all, but she started acting edgy, well edgier than normal, she's fighting with everybody that cares about her, her parents, Boruto and him, and she's distracted all the time, he didn't want to talk to her as the hokage but he had too since her distraction affected village business.

Her team failed a mission because of her distraction, Boruto and Mitsuki denied it was because of her, but Sarada admitted her fault, but she wouldn't admit why she was distracted, which prompted him to pressure her, something that he hated, but was forced to do.

And that's why he was glad she came in his office today, he wanted to apologize to her about pressuring her like that.

''Seventh I—''

''Why don't you call me uncle anymore?'' he interrupted

''Emm, cause you're the hokage.''

''Never mind that, you can call me uncle when we're alone.

Sarada nodded.

''Good.'' He said as he remembered the event of a couple of days prior.

''Sarada tell me what happened right now.''

The girl stayed quiet, gaze lowering to the floor.

''I order you to tell me.''

He knew it was wrong to do that, but he had too, he can't have her on the battlefield if she's easily distracted.

''I want to go.'' She said, jaw quivering and fists clenching as she headed towards the door of his office.

''Open that door and I'll label you as a traitor for purposefully failing a mission.''

He went too far, he knew that, and he was about to take it back but she spoke.

''Please, let me go…'' She begged in a shaky voice.

''Please, …Uncle…''

Uncle, she hadn't called him that since she was eight, it was then that Naruto realized that she needed to talk with her uncle Naruto, not the hokage Naruto, that's why he lets her go.

She gets out and he can hear his son's voice outside, he knew he was waiting for her outside, of course he would, Boruto most likely knew what's going on, but Naruto also knew that the boy would rather be labeled as a traitor rather than betray his friend.

''And I want to apologize for pressuring you the last time you were here.''

''Se-Uncle, it's okay It's my fault I should have just told you and I just…'' The girl trailed off.

''Sasa-chan,'' Sarada's head jerked up at the nostalgic nickname, ''you remember those talks we used to have when you were a kid, when you'd make me pinkie swear not to tell  anybody what you tell me?''

Naruto held out his pinkie, '' You're talking to your uncle Naruto now, not the hokage, so say whatever you want.''

Sarada remembered a time when Naruto wasn’t hokage, he was just funny uncle Naruto.

She locked her pinkie with his for a second before pulling away.

''So? If you don't want to talk now, you can come to me whenever you want, I don't care if the other four kages are here, if you need me I'll be there, okay?''

Sarada was shocked, but this was so uncle Naruto, and she was happy cause these past few months, she forgot that he’ll always have her back, someone who won’t judge her, someone who will understand her struggle and the thought of letting it all out to someone who will understand brought her to tears.

''Uncle…'' she mumbled, tears filling her eyes,  and her whole body was shaking, it was obvious that something was eating her up, and has been for a while.

And then he saw another Sarada in front of him, not the fearless ninja that made it apparent that she'll become a legend, but the eight year old girl that used to cry to him about her father being away and then he remembered twelve-year-old Sarada, who took a reckless journey to find out more about her father, and a thought occurs to Naruto, it's that if he stayed close to her when she was young then that wouldn't have happened, she would've just asked him, not go on a journey and risk her life, so he decided to always be there for the girl.

Sarada decided to tell him what’s been plaguing her for this past couple of weeks, cause she couldn’t take it anymore, every single day, she feels herself slip even more into something so dark she’s not sure she can get out of.

''The rogue that distracted me said that,'' She started confessing as Naruto moved from his hokage chair to sit beside her, '' The Uchiha bring trouble and that the village is going to get rid of us soon.''

''Is that the first time someone told you that?'' He asked since he knew Sarada would have thought he was trying to distract her and wouldn't have paid him mind if she hadn't heard something like that before.

Sarada's lips quivered as if contemplating if she should tell him or not.

''Sarada?''

''A couple of weeks ago I entered your office to get a scroll, one of the elders was here, she said she was waiting for you and she asked me who was I to enter your office without you being there, I told her I was your apprentice and then she scoffed and told me that I'm never going to be hokage cause I'm an Uchiha and that I'm going to mess up sooner and later.''

''What elder?!'' he already knew, but he wanted to make sure before he taught that traitor a lesson.

''Takuma I think is her name.'' the girl answered, as her fist clenched in anger, she could feel it gnawing at her heart, telling her to make that elder pay for what she did, but she didn’t.

At least not yet, that thought that echoed at the back of her mind made Sarada visibly tremble

Takuma is one of Danzo's subordinates and he never trusted her, and he was right not to trust her.

''And I did some research and I found out that the third ordered uncle Itachi to kill my clan and the Uchiha were oppressed and my clan was murdered and and and….''

Naruto waited, judging by his experience, it's the thing that comes out last that's really troubling the person.

Her whole body trembled, and tears streamed down her face as she raised her hands to her eyes as a searing pain came across them suddenly.

''My village, the village I love, the village I want to protect is the reason I don't have paternal grandparents, the reason I don't have an uncle, they're the reason papa was in so much pain.''

''Sarada.'' He said gently, he never expected the cause of her behavior to be so serious, he thought she probably found out something about her father's past, but not about the clan, info about the clan is highly classified, even anbu captains don't know about what really happened, he wondered for a moment how she could find info on them, but he decided to ask her later.

''The village I would've given my life to protect is the reason I have no clan…''

A feeling she could only describe as hatred came over her as a searing pain flashed behind her eyes.

Her use of the past tense worried him, and the presence of a fourth tomoe in her sharingan didn’t' help.

''No, no, no Sarada listen,'' He said as he raised her head gently so their eyes would meet.

''The Uchiha massacre was not the village's fault, it was Konoha's higher ups fault, not the village, if the villagers knew back then that they were planning on killing the Uchiha's then they wouldn't have let them.''

He tried to stay calm and not go and strangle Takuma for starting this whole mess, but it was easy to stay at the sight of a fourth tomoe in her sharingan.

There is no way I'm going to let her lose her path.

''The village of today changed, it's not what it was thirty years ago, this village, the one Kakashi sensei and I made stands on justice, and I will never sacrifice anybody for peace, Sarada, the people responsible for the Uchiha massacre are all dead now, and I promise you I will punish the people who still believe in danzo's beliefs.''

The first one being Takuma, but not just for the treachery of Konoha's beliefs, but because she was planning on indirectly making Sarada lose her path, lose her will of fire and replace it with something much more darker and sinister.

''The third was wrong with what he agreed your uncle do, but he did it for the village, for peace…''

''But he murdered innocents! They were planning a coup because of them! The third betrayed them first!'' Sarada screamed.

My family, my clan died for them and they are proud of what they have done, they don’t deserve to live...

''Yes, and the third was wrong, and a lot of people paid dearly for his mistake, but that's something that will never happen again, you know why?''

''Why?''

She was terrified of the thoughts that are filling her head, but they wouldn’t stop, and she was considering surrendering to them.

''Cause you are the heir of the Uchiha, Sarada, and I think, no I know that you will rebuild your clan with the will of fire burning in your soul, and that you will pass it down to next generations of the Uchiha clan, cause you are one of the few Uchiha in history who have had the will of fire burning in their hearts instead of the curse of hatred, and I trust you in not surrendering into its clutches cause you are one of the bravest ninja's I have encountered.’’

The will of fire, of course, love is what made this village what it is today, hatred and distrust from both sides are what led to the Uchiha’s demise, this urge to kill and destroy is going to end only in heartbreak.

''Uncle…'' the girl muttered, as she wiped her tears away and turned her sharingan off, which signaled to Naruto that he eased her worries.

''And hey maybe you're going to be the next hokage too, that would shut  people like Takuma up.'' He said.

A determined look came over Sarada's face, and fire burned in her eyes as she stood up, now no trace of tears in her eyes, body still shaking, but not from sadness and fear, but from excitement.

I’m not going to let this hatred I’m feeling overcome my love for my village, for my family, I will prove people like Takuma wrong, I have the will of fire and I will do everything in power to protect what it represents, which is that love is the key to peace.

She brought her right fist in front of her face and clenched it.

''I swear, I'm going to become hokage and prove that the will of fire burns in the souls of the Uchiha, and that it will always burn brightly shanaroo!''

Naruto smiled, partly because of the familiar battle cry, but mostly because of the determination he sees in her eyes.

She might become hokage someday.

Naruto took a step forward and patted Sarada's head, a gesture Sarada appreciated as she smiled up at him.

A bridge needs supports before it can stand on its own, and Naruto's glad that he's a support of that bridge.

This girl is the bridge that will tie the Uchiha clan to the will of fire, and it appears it's going to be an indestructible bridge.

[mrskeithgreen-blog]

The start of something new…

It has been so long since I updated this that I had to look back to see where I had left off. We had a very busy Christmas, the whole month of December actually with both Sarah and Zoe turning 11, and as much as I love the Christmas season, I am glad to be on the other side.  I know I do it to myself and create more traditions and things than are necessary but I love to make people happy.  It is who I have been my entire life.  Keith jokes that God knew all along that he was going to need a caregiver so I was sent into his life.  I often bite off more than I can chew and I have to tell myself it’s ok if everyone at the part doesn’t get a handmade ornament or knitted hat or whatever my project is that year.  I also take a lot of care in paying attention to people and making mental notes during conversations about what would be a great gift for them.  

Well, this year I didn’t even get our Christmas cards out.  I also didn’t hang half of the ornaments on the Christmas tree and I decided that our friend party was going to be pajama themed so we didn’t have to fuss about what to wear.  What seemed as failures at the time actually created a less stressful, picture perfect time that allowed us to relax a little more and focus on quality time.  

Right before Christmas, my Aunt Dar passed away and left a huge hole in our family.  She was such an amazingly kind soul that could light up any room and always made Keith feel like he had always been part of our family. The words spoken by those closest to her at the funeral sparked something in us and we have not stopped talking since.  Walking out, Keith looked at me and said, “our kids don’t see us that way, we have to do better and be better.” We have been talking and praying about how to live outwardly what we feel inwardly.  That is kind of hard to put into words but I think the reason behind my strategic gift giving and memory making is to make sure my loved ones know that I listen and care. But we can always do better and inspire others to do better as well.  A few short weeks after losing her, my grandpa suddenly passed away.  I always knew what a quiet, amazingly supportive man he was, but why do we wait until someone dies to take the time to learn things about them?  I never knew what he did for a living, or that my grandparents married while still in high school, or that he adored Keith and was so happy that I had found happiness. We rush through life without taking the time to listen and ask questions about the important things.  There’s so much more to learn from our elders.  I love listening to my grandma tell stories. She always says I’m sure these stories bore you! Are you kidding me? I love it! I need to start writing them down though because my memory isn’t what it used to be.

So, at the beginning of December Keith received his first immunotherapy infusion which is a very similar process to receiving chemotherapy, we even go to the same department and sit in the same chairs.  They hook up the IV and then wait for the meds to finish.  Unlike chemotherapy, he did not experience any of the nausea, weakness, loss of taste or the other hundred side effects.  He was a little more tired than usual for about a week or so after but otherwise tolerated it very well.  After the first week, he started getting some major visual changes that started out as what he calls “seeing stars” and developed into a complete visual field deficit.  He couldn’t see anything clearly and after a few days of him trying to convince me he was “fine” I insisted that we go to the ER.  The episodes were lasting longer and longer and I didn’t feel safe leaving him home alone ever in case it was seizures or something life threatening. In the ER, the screened for seizures and determined it was likely increased swelling in the brain due to coming off of the steroids.  He had been on steroids for over a month because of the surgery but when he was told that in order to start immunotherapy, he had to be off steroids, he tapered very quickly.  Too quickly according to the neuro team.  He refused to go back on the steroids for fear that it would make the immunotherapy less effective.  I was at a loss, I know he needs the immunotherapy, as he says it’s his last shot, but at the same time he can’t function if he can’t see.  After going home, the episodes continued to worsen and after talking to the doctor, he was forced to go back on the steroids.  He saw this as a setback, but they told him prolonged swelling on the brain is more damaging so it has to get under control. Within a few hours he was back to “normal” whatever that is anymore.

Just before he was to receive his second infusion, he was doing something in the basement and felt a pop in his shoulder.  Within a few hours, his entire arm had turned purple, was swelling up and all of the veins from his chest down to fingers were bulging.  He assured me it was just a pulled muscle and not to worry about it. A few days later when we saw the doctors, I mentioned it and asked to have it looked at.  He immediately shot me a look and said he’s fine.  He was worried they wouldn’t let him have the infusion if they thought it was a reaction to the meds.  They looked at it and didn’t seem concerned.  They were however concerned with him getting back on the steroids and the dose he was at to control the swelling is too high to receive the immunotherapy drugs.  It would essentially be a wash.  Steroids suppress the immune system while immunotherapy drugs boost the immune system. He promised he would do what he had to do to get down to the acceptable level since he didn’t want to be on them in the first place!  He sweet talked them into giving him the infusion, after all there really isn’t a protocol for him and after all of the research we have done, we knew the risks and were willing to take them in order to stay on track.  

The third infusion was this past week and when the other nurse practitioner came in the room, I may have mentioned the purple arm against the looks of my husband.  She immediately said it needed to be looked at. It was going on 5 weeks and there was no improvement.  She was willing to allow the infusion and send us to the cardiovascular center immediately after.  While doing an ultrasound of the area he claims was a pulled muscle, they discovered a six-inch-long vein in his shoulder that was completely blocked.  I had never heard of a six-inch-long blood clot! My mind started racing and I told him i am not taking you home until that thing is out. I have watched too many episodes of Grey’s Anatomy to know what happens when a blood clot travels to the heart and lungs. But seriously, I wasn’t prepared for them to just say he was going to be prescribed blood thinners and was going home.  I really thought they would scope in there and remove it! Instead, the nurse came in to show me how to give him injections twice a day until this clot is gone and then they said he would go down to once a day for the rest of his life.  If you know my husband, you know this wasn’t going to fly.  As soon as we got in the car he said, well I’m not doing that for the rest of my life.  I was so frustrated I couldn’t speak.  Apparently, cancer patients are more prone to blood clots than the rest of us so it’s not uncommon to be on a blood thinner.  I calmly said maybe there would be an oral one to switch to once this clot is gone and please stop with all of the stubborn “I’m not going to…”

I have heard the saying that if a man had to give birth, we would be extinct and I am starting to see why. Granted he now bruises like crazy and has very thin skin, but when he tells someone about this injection, you imagine the 12-inch needle they used when I had an amniocentesis.  Nobody likes to get poked, but the needle is very tiny and it’s over very quickly.  He has gotten used to the actual poke but says the burning that comes a few seconds after the medicine distributes is so bad, he would rather go back to brain surgery.  Not funny, but in our house, we make bad jokes like, “you act like it’s brain surgery” all the time which seems to lighten our day.  The doctors say is could take months for this large of a clot to dissolve so the injections aren’t going away any time soon.  

In the meantime, we have decided to start a non-profit foundation to help others find hope in otherwise dark times by seeing the love of God all around.  We hope that this foundation will bring awareness to others that helping someone and praying for them and helping them see God can change their outlook on not only their situation, but in life.  We have so often been asked how we stay so positive, and optimistic with such a grim diagnosis?  It hasn’t really occurred to us to be any other way, so we didn’t realize the power that has.  If we can help at least one person to go from feeling hopeless and down to having hope and a light in their day then perhaps this is our purpose for all of this and it will be worth it.  

Next week will be a scan of the brain to see where we are compared to November right after surgery. They forewarned us that after only 3 treatments, we may not see much but hopefully after 6 we will get a better idea of whether or not it is working.  Any time you have a test or scan it is impossible to stay completely calm. We know in our hearts that it is what it is and we will continue on this path until we are told there is nothing more they can do.  As of today, he continues to work every day, he goes to the kids sporting events, we have been out to several charity fundraisers the past few weeks and although he tires out easily and has a hard time navigating through crowds, he never gets discouraged.  

So this crazy life of raising five kids, owning a business, starting a foundation, and surviving cancer will continue.  One day at a time.  I just recently saw a quote I’d like to share.  It goes something like this...”People say you only live once, but actually you only die once, you live every day.” I will add that since only God knows what day is our last, why don’t we live with more purpose as if today is our last?

[savetherapy]

Bipolar Disorder: Misdiagnosis

Over the internet you'll locate increasing focus being directed at the recognition of bi-polar mood signs and routines. Strong academic info is very important to those people worried they might have manic depression.

Also the most effective diagnosticians discover that coming to the analysis is an arduous effort. We are really not yet in a point at which we've readily easily accessible biologically established evaluations that produce a definitive analysis. Likewise we are not even close to having the ability to call the illness in relation to genetic screening.

We are still confronted with all the world of a mental health professional sitting having someone and depending upon medical meeting to develop an obvious image to recognize or exclude the existence of manic depressive illness. Occasionally in spite of wide-ranging inquiry and consideration of the information obtained, doctors still lose the bi-polar analysis. It occurs also using the many experienced mental-health specialists. I would be dishonest if I mentioned it is never occurred in my experience. Longitudinal research show us the typical period from first start of signs to a precise bipolar analysis is 10 to a dozen years!

The fact is manic depressive illness is normally hard to identify centered on only a preliminary analytical meeting by having an individual. The analysis is due to really extensive routines which exist as time passes. When ending up in an individual for the very first time, all I am actually capable of seeing is her or his behaviour and mood express in today's, which excludes about 90% of the added information which is needed to establish the analysis. The purchase of the 90% depends up on the clinician's capability to ask the appropriate inquiries as well as the individual 's capability to supply complete and precise responses. Also afterward, consideration will become necessary prior to the bi polar photo may coalesce with quality.

Bi-polar signs within numerous types and styles. Each person brings their very own unusual stamp to the medical image. We find variability in indicator skill, symptom length and sign symptoms. While symptoms like elevated energy, decreased importance of sleep and hastened considering are typical to the majority of bi polar raised mood states, one person hypomania/mania might be apparent through excitement https://www.bipolaruk.org/ and grandiosity while the disposition raising of some other might involve frustration and upheavals of anger. Still a next might show their symptoms mainly through super-libido and energetic spending. Further compounding the analytical problem is the truth that the disorder often co-exists with additional mental diagnoses in a way that that people get a adding or commingling of signs from distinct analyses. The mentalhealth specialist afterward is up against working away what signs fit in with what diagnoses and the way the distinct units of signs might potentiate each other.

I come to realize the three analyses that are ordinarily mistaken with manic depressive illness or possibly co-exist and thus restrict the investigation are: 1) unipolar depression, 2) attention-deficit-hyper-activity dis-Order and 3) the number of personality disorders. In this latter world, the people we frequently observe to arrive for remedy are these clinically determined to have borderline and narcissistic character features. You'll find surely additional personality disorders that may come in to this combination but we come to realize that people who have borderline/narcissistic characteristics tend mo-Re frequently to seek psycho-therapy. Also, a number of the observable symptoms within both of these character types may very quickly be mistaken as of the the bi-polar procession (notice preceding Bi-Polar You blog: The Connection between Narcissism and Manic-Depressive Psychosis).

What're a number of the the principles which assist us differentiate between right depression, attention-deficit-hyper activity dis-Order, personality disorders and bipolar illnesses?

Permit begin having the many typical: unipolar depression. The truth is, we might observe teenagers undergo several years of occasional depressive attacks throughout highschool until they show the type of mood raising which guidelines the the size towards a bi-polar analysis.

There can also be some signs inside the entire depressive account that could tip us off to the inherent bi-polar dis-Order. I am talking about matters including times of sensation revived while also being cranky, angry and extremely cynical about existence. With one of these individuals, their depressive signs never have squashed them away. It really is similar to the extreme unfavorable emotions are along with a a amount of disappointment. Him or her could also come to realize their turmoil inhibits their skill to get a full evening sleep. But these little hints, in and of themselves don't grow to the amount of a bi-polar analysis. They've been simply attributes that ought to garner our focus and perhaps alarm us that there's mo-Re current than readily satisfies a person's eye.

The following fundamental component will be to get information on the subject of the more extensive genealogy and family history of mental diagnoses, and especially manic depression. If a person comes in showing mainly with depressive signs however they h-AS a parent, a sibling, a grandparent as well as an auntie or granddad with manic depressive illness, then you must approach the first unipolar demonstration of depression as though it might portion of a more comprehensive bipolar dis-Order. I do believe with this as "bi polar preparing" where some body h-AS the innate pre-disposition however they will have really not however shown the full array of bipolar signs. In such cases the person might be clinically determined to have the illness just due to his or her genetic science, however, the treatment strategy may likely vary than in case there is not any feeling dis-Order signs in the household history.

Another analytical bit that should be be requested of just about any individual who comes in to remedy is: "What is the disposition and behaviour like if you are feeling excellent?" To have that further, the person ought to be asked, "Is It True That your disposition ever be extreme or maybe more improved than that which you normally encounter when-you're in a generally good disposition." You would be be alarmed how often that straightforward point of asking is disregarded. All things considered, when some body comes in seeking aid and every-thing they're discussing resembles, sounds like and feels as though depression, it really is an easy task to decide the person ought to be handled for depression and perhaps actually be approved an anti-depressant.

Hereis the stroke: Anti-depressants, when approved to somebody who's genetically pre-disposed towards bipolarity, might really precipitate hypomanic or manic signs, thereby causing the bi-polar analysis. We we can not actually know with certainty whether that person might have established bi-polar signs if anti-depressants weren't recommended. Had the appropriate queries been asked upfront, the exact same person could have now been approved a feeling stabilizer ahead of the use of an anti depressant along with her or his progress in to hypomania or mania might happen to be avoided.

The 2nd complex analytical problem entails attention-deficit-hyper-activity dis Order. This can be a neurologic dis-Order which shows through outward indications of attention and hyper-activity. Regarding consideration we notice behaviour including: poor focus on depth, regular inattention or shedding emphasis, problem pursuing through with directions regarding jobs, jobs or homework, problem with organizing tasks and actions, often shedding or misplacing points and steady oblivion. With regards to hyper-activity we observe: problems sitting nevertheless, propensities to maneuver around or be excessively lively in scenarios where that is improper, difficulty participating in tranquil discretion activities, exorbitant amount of physical action - frequently behaving "like pushed with a engine," and extortionate talking. There exists an additional variant on hyper activity including impulsivity. This could involve: inclinations to let away answers to queries until they are fully inquired, issues awaiting one's turn and inclinations to interrupt or intrude on the others. Impulsivity also can involve quickly creating options that tend not to represent great view. A lot of the previous symptom explanations represent ADHD criteria from DSM IV TR (American Psychological Connection).

What is difficult in regards to the aforementioned indicator checklist is the fact that a lot of precisely the same kinds could show up over the course of a hypomanic or manic show. Someone's bodily vitality might be quite so improved he or even she is able to quickly look hyper-active. Addititionally there is such intellectual velocity and disposition depth that somebody 's recollection, focus on depth, capability to keep concentrated and skill to suitably hinder activity are totally reduced. Therefore, how can we recognize these models of signs that may appear therefore much like one another?

The initial element of the solution entails an important warning: the differentiation will not easily affect those who find themselves identified as having childhood bi-polar dis-Order therefore may use its influence in the same way soon as does ADHD. The striking variations are that feelings of grandiosity, extreme fulfillment or extreme anger, rushing knowledge and decreased significance of sleep tend to be mo-Re prominent in youth bi polar than they're in attention-deficit-hyper-activity dis Order. It doesn't me-an there will not be be these topics in the focus deficit-hyper-activity world however, the previous sign bunch may probably possess a more powerful presence in childhood bi-polar dis Order rather than ADHD.

Today permit come back to differentiations between attention-deficit-hyper activity dis-Order and manic depressive illness in adults. It really is really quite straightforward. The adult with manic depression who didn't have youth bipolar dis Order are going to have have observed a stage of indicator start some time after middle to late adolescence. The meaning here's that when I am inquiring about indicator beginning as well as the person being evaluated reviews that not one of their signs were existing ahead of a certain stage in adolescence or early adulthood, then it is unlikely that signs being mentioned are reflective of ADHD.

An additional crucial differentiation is the fact that a lot of the attention-deficit- such as signs which can be usually present throughout raised disposition stages are lacking throughout mid-range disposition also to some lesser level, despondent mood, although occasionally depression does hinder focus, focus and memory therefore we are able to notice what can happen as an overlap of ADHD and bi-polar signs throughout despondent disposition. The one noticeable time frame when the attention-deficit-like symptoms are lacking for the bi-polar person is all through midrange disposition. This can be not true for an individual with attention-deficit-hyper activity dis-Order because their signs are constituent of the base-line operating. They they do not encounter time periods when their ADHD signs are lacking. That is to not state there exists not some variance of indicator strength, nevertheless, the focus deficit person wont have periods where attentional, concentrating, business and urge inhibitory function are totally ordinary. Maintaining the aforementioned distinctions in your mind, the updated in diagnostician may generally mock away the variations between ADHD and bi polar problem.

The difference of personality disorder signs from manic depressive illness involves two crucial variants, one among which resembles the ADHD variation. In other words, whenever a person battles with personality disorder signs, their battles will normally be on-going. Just like ADHD, there could possibly be some variance in sign skill, however, the person usually will not have occasions where she or he is maybe not underneath the sway of the mental processes underlying the personality disorder. People with personality disorders aren't getting to own a holiday out of their character character. Alternatively, the bi-polar person whose symptoms (impulsivity, hypersexuality, anger/frustration, inclinations towards idealization or devaluation, emotions of grandiosity, etc.) might appear to be they fit in with a personality disorder analysis can have with enough of a variation within midrange disposition that all equal signs is going to be missing.

The next essential differentiation involving the personality disorders and manic depressive illness is that personality disorder problems reveal with regards to inter-personal associations. The battles which might trigger robust character disordered signs are nearly constantly inside the social world. While there's a few overlap here with manic depressive illness in the meaning that social tensions might trigger a change in disposition period, bi-polar people will even let you know we have occasions when when the start in their signs, whether improved or despondent, will appear in the future out-of-nowhere. There isn't any apparent cause or precipitant for his or her disposition destabilization. The sole dependable reason is the fact that there's been an endogenous change inside their mind process as well as their neurochemistry.

The preceding dialogue is in no way thorough regarding differential analytical distinctions between manic depression as well as additional mental illnesses that discuss related signs. . nevertheless, it ought to provide you with an excellent awareness of the types of problems the specialist is likely to be taking a look at when attempting kind through whether you have manic depression, still another investigation or co-existing analyses.

I would suggest which you be careful in case a mentalhealth expert gets to the bi-polar analysis after merely a brief period of moment along with you or having a member of the family. The slim exception here might entail some body using a powerful hereditary bi-polar history who gift ideas with hall-mark bi-polar signs in not having any conditions which could spark queries regarding co-morbidity. But actually here, in the title of thoroughness, diagnosticians should still be careful about achieving decisions prematurely.

Once per mentalhealth expert is here at a genuine bi-polar analysis I'm many comfy when the analysis is introduced as a solid chance as well as an obvious description of the foundation upon which the decision continues to be reached. The individual also needs to be warned the investigation is only going to be effectively determined more than a mo-Re prolonged time period which equally individual and specialist is likely to be studying this collectively as therapy proceeds.