#what have u done to me w these two......................
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biibini · 2 days ago
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hello!! i reaally really love your writing i reread ur mizu fics all the time i swear i have them memorized HAHA i love the way u characterize her she is so dear to me
ive never requested anything before but i was wondering if you could write something about the pet names that mizu and reader would use ?!?! i think they are so sweet ...
my little pet ₊˚ෆ
pet names modern!mizu would give you
tags: sweet mizu, nsfw later on, modern!mizu headcannons, mdni, 18+, pet names, praising, degrading tones, smut, reader is gorjus!!
a/n: and what if i called her my shayla? who gonna stop me??? ok but fr ty everyone for sending reqs and ur love ♡ i appreciate each response, rt, and comment sm mwah mwah mwah
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honey
“Hi honey, how was your day?”
the typical form of endearment Mizu uses to call your name
if she’s feeling playful, she’ll say “honey, i’m homeeee” in a sing-songy voice
when she calls you this and sees your face, she smiles everytime
(she can’t help it i fear)
my pretty girl
“God, my pretty girl looks so cute.”
emphasis on the “my”
nothing in her eyes is as gorgeous as you
(she is very gorjus to me 🤓☝️)
typically used to compliment you, especially during dates
when you finish doing your makeup, she can’t stop staring at you, mumbling how well done your work is
the words can be paired with your hand intertwined with hers, the pet name gently whispered into your ear
the name can also be heard when you’re feeling hesitant about yourself, as she tries to relieve you of your doubts
sweetie
“Sweetie, I really don’t think that’s a good idea.”
typically used when talking to you in disagreements
also used when in concern for some cases
or sarcastically, if she were to push your buttons
not commonly thrown out there (buttttt i’m a big fan of it bc she can get sassy w it)
dear
“Good night dear…”
a favorite of hers
simple but sweet
usually said before placing a good night kiss atop of your lips, her hands wrapped around your body, loving every bit of you until you fall asleep
if not at night, the term is used to call you over or to get your attention
either way, she uses it very lovingly
girl
“Girl if you don’t—”
unfortunately, akemi & ringo’s lingo rubs off on you two a bit… and they can get kinda… rambunctious and witty when it comes to comebacks
usually, this pet name (if u can even call it that) is used in a teasing setting
or if you accidentally give her the wrong directions
or push her buttons in a grumpy mood
or if you bother her to the point of her snapping, ending with her tickling you until you admit defeat
i fear the silent but sassy side comes out at times when she uses this name
dearest
“Dearest, can you please fetch me a cup of freshly brewed tea?”
both of you use this jokingly
and of course, in a british accent
usually used when asking a favor or in a silly mood
the one answering must respond back in their best british accent
and mizu is lowk good with it
too good at it…
baby
“You like it like that, baby?”
when she feels more romantic and intimate, ohhhh this one WILL be used
especially in that low, deep voice when she’s really into it
a banger when y’all ban-
(oops my hand slipped)
or when she got that morning, groggy voice when she’s half away and cuddly
either way, great usage
hon
“Fuck, hon—”
a variation of “honey” that is typically used during the uh… later parts of the night
(nudge nudge wink wink)
most commonly used when she’s overwhelmed with the pleasure, slipping and forgetting her words
or when your grasp on her shoulder frantically tightens, pulling her body closer to yours while you reach your limit
or when she looks down at the sopping wet mess you two made on your lower half
sometimes, the term becomes an incentive, paired along with a rough smack or hickey on your neck
princess
“Aw princess, you want it deeper, don’t you.”
oh this one… this one is a mean one…
at times, she can be quite dominant and persistent
it may not seem like she’s degrading you, but the fakeness of her sweet tone proves otherwise
paired with her long, deep strokes, you would think you were going to ascend from the pleasure
but all you can do is nod, having little control of your moans as she rams deep inside your wet cavern
she cracks a smile at your failed attempts at answering back to her, hearing the shakiness of your voice mix with the wet noises erupting from her work
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bigidiotenergytm · 9 months ago
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"Cleanin' my favorite knife."
Drawls his reply as non hurried hands returning to their work. That intoxicating black gaze finally lifts, focusing in on Quinn as he moves closer and closer. Already Billy could see the bursts of madness that were so quick to flash in the depths of the other man's eyes. And god.. It's such a drug to feel it again after so long.. That obsession. Dark, hateful and beautiful. It's like coming home and he swears he could feel the tip of a knife carving into the flesh of his rib whenever he pushes Quinn closer and closer to madness. See. What his stalker wasn't aware of yet.. Billy Russo might just be as crazy as him, perhaps even crazier. And his most recent relationship had left him more than a little..scarred. He was unhinged and feral. Sweet Quinn fed right into what he needed, what he wanted.
"Am I gonna need to clean it again later?" Oh the implications.
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QUINN WAS BORN A TWISTED CREATURE. Only then further fed into as a byproduct of his environment growing up. There were very few people that saw just how grotesque he really was— and none of those people had driven him to this point of obsession. He was more than allured by Billy; the intoxicating gazes, the promises of threats, the way that he simply couldn't keep away. There'd been no choice in the matter, the way his obsession as grown. And in return— that same choice would be taken from Billy.
That knife isn't to PLUNGE into the other's chest. It's not looking to take his life. It's looking to possess it. It'd be UGLY, JAGGED, AS MESSY as all their other scars.
But the letters carved would be undeniable: Q U I N N.
The P.I. didn't know much about the other. A little too much information that was hidden that left red flags about his past. Quinn didn't know the monster he was feeding. But he only hoped... That those pearly whites would draw blood.
Quinn sucks his lip between his teeth when he seethes— implications darkening his cheeks. "D-Don't..." He breathes hard, setting one beer right beside him. The other beer reaches over Billy, making Quinn close the gap between them. He hovers over his obsession's face.
"T-Tease... me."
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slushglow · 3 months ago
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the price of your mercy
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god-blog · 6 months ago
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Ok, idea that I'm really excited about
Everyone is always talking abt an in-person temple for pagans but what if instead of a temple-temple, there was a museum-temple?
Hear me out bc I think this would be really cool.
Things the temple-museum would have:
Permanent exhibits including:
Outside land art similar to Sun Tunnels by Nancy Holt that line up with the solstices/constellations
Inside sky art for meditating similar to Skyspace by James Turrell (PLS look this one up, it's so pretty. The picture in the article doesn't do it justice)
A wall of prayers/manifestations/affirmations. Visitors write them on a post it or note card and pin it to the wall to make a collaborative exhibition like Post Secret at the Museum of Us
A small gallery with general overviews of popular pagan pantheons: Hellenic, Celtic, etc. This will include artifacts from those time periods either depicting the deities or how people worshiped them
A small gallery with historical witchcraft artifacts. This will include medieval European poppets, Copic love spell manuscripts, Chinese oracle bones, etc.
Rotating temporary exhibits including:
Witch trials from around the world (1400-present, bc they do still happen)
Paleolithic cultures: Venus of Wellendorf, Stonehenge, Cave paintings/music, the Lion-man ivory, etc
Did Christianity Steal From Paganism: yes… no… it’s complicated (basically the overlap between early Christianity and Roman paganism) This will include villa mosaics, sarcophaguses, layouts of early churches, etc
The Rise of Modern Occultism: Hilma af Klint, Carl Jung, surrealism, spiritualism, Wicca, etc
A series of exhibits celebrating closed practices: different indigenous religions, Voodoo, Hoodoo, etc (Very important: these will not be teaching those crafts, just giving them the same public platform/attention as open practices. Key word here is "celebrating." People who practice in those closed communities will be consulted)
How paganism is incorporated into Abrahamic religions: Judaism and paganism, Catholicism and paganism, etc (People who practice in those communities will be consulted)
Modern witchcraft, good or bad? So that would be New Age, the rise of consumerism, witchtok, etc
More in-depth focuses on different pantheons: Celtic, Slavic, Mesopotamian, Hellenic, etc
Historical witchcraft accusations and race: Mary Lewis, the New York City Panic of 1741, Ann Glover, etc
Regular people's (like you!) devotional art. The public will be encouraged to donate/create devotional art pieces. Be that visual media, performance art, video art, music, sculpture, photography, writing, etc. It'll really highlight all the different ways people are worshiping, the diversity in deities being worshiped, and how big our community is
An auditorium. This would be for concerts, festivals/ceremonies that are done inside, and guest speakers. Guest speakers would include academics like Malcolm Gaskill (English historian and author), Katherine Howe (American author), etc. as well as big name practicing witches/pagans.
A garden. I haven’t decided yet what kind but I’m debating between a rooftop garden like the MET, one behind the building but open to visitors, or an atrium like medieval European cloisters/monasteries (bc I love those). The garden would be for meditating, connecting to nature/the gods, feeding pollinators, protecting "creepy" insects like spiders or burrowing bugs (bug hotel?), and potentially -depending on what type of garden it is- housing wild birds in bird houses or bats in bat boxes. Also, it could be a good place for festivals/ceremonies that are done outside, concerts, or general get-togethers like altar piece swaps!
And an altar/worship space. Obviously. It wouldn't be a temple without it. I'm thinking it would be mostly a big empty room with chairs and rugs scattered about and an alcove in one wall for the altar. Inside the alcove will mostly be nonspecific religious objects like candles, nice fabrics, flowers, incense, etc . Visitors will be encouraged to bring their own small personal devotional tools (except candles/incense for fire safety reasons). That way they can pray to, appreciate, and connect to their own gods and the main altar doesn't leave anybody out; the main altar is more for ambience than specific worship.
Giftshop? I'm not sure about this one yet bc it feels wrong to have a gift shop in a temple, but most museums, even small ones, have gift shops. It could have fresh herbs from the garden, candles, and local artists' art like prints, stickers, jewelry, etc. All at a reasonable price ofc (I hate overpriced museum giftshops more than anything else in the world... except overpriced museum tickets)
In terms of funding, museums get more government funding than churches, but they do have to pay taxes churches don't. I was thinking of generally modeling it after the Museum of Us in San Deigo; they let their employees pick the holidays they take off so they can each adhere to their personal religious practice, start paying them at $22 an hour with built in raises each year, and good insurance. They have done an amazing job, way better than any big museum, at collaborating with communities from all over the world to either give back artifacts in their collections or closely work with them to reframe how the artifact is presented/stored. They also don't charge for tickets, memberships, school trips, or basically anything except the giftshop. But that means they rely heavily on donations which may not work as well for a museum that's just starting out. Idk, this is all hypothetical rn.
The pillars the museum-temple would stand on are worship, education, and community.
I feel like teaching people about the history of these practices is super important and isn't smth that everybody bothers to learn or has correct information about. (And I'm a huge history/museum nerd if you can't tell lol)
I'm actually really excited about this lol
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james-spooky · 4 months ago
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this is a test
#i’m bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th#the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters that’s actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo#g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit#ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring let’s think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco#ding to all known laws of aviation- jk i’m not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo#e podcasts so bad that’s a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isn’t all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a#ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha#e to type btw there’s probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i don’t#care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea#y like i’m actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss#im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop#e so much it’s crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books they’re all so talented for being so yo#ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas#ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can#use fills stops. sorry that’s made everything a bit messy. i should’ve been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s#much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think you’re being annoying i literally don’t care be a#annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically#now it’s just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i don’t really have any thoughts to put here idk if we’re halfway ermmmm omg it’s#lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. it’s wild how it’s basically almost christmas. like#what. that’s illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesn’t crash or#smth cause i’ve not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc#ok it stopped me but i’ve saved it and holy jesus it’s a lot of text im just sat here giggling there’s really no point to any of this other#than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldn’t that be crazy) so wait there’s 140#haracters and 30 tags so what’s 30 x 140. someone hurry. i haven’t done maths lessons in two and a half years i’ve forgotten everything wai#let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o#what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some#one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james#im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh#w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause#ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:
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fishtank32 · 2 years ago
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Lmk doodle page that turned into a dragonfruit doodle page. I love them sm.
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scalpelsister · 8 months ago
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what if i lost the will to live like. as a joke. what then.
#i am fine ftr im just. exhausted haha#NOT to overshare about my personal life too much but my dog is dying. my horse is being given back to his og owner this summer / fall.#my dads kicking me out in two years (in favor of his girlfriend and her kids bc he would rather live w them!!!)#his alcoholism is driving me crazy bc hes treating me like absolute shit and berating me constantly#and stealing from me 🙃#ive lost my healthcare benefits + now have to either raw dog therapy out of pocket or loose my therapist#a therapist that took me a year of being on a waiting list to get in w btw#and idk i just genuinely feel like a loser rn like. im a 23 year old unemployed fat virgin who plays video games all day like. 🧍#where is this going for me. what is the point of it all. in two years im going to be fucking homeless on top of all that#unless some miracle happens bc as is i am too disabled to work.#im just reaching a point where i deeply dont care anymore. whatever happens happens im done fighting it#and ik its the abandonment issues talking here but knowing my dad is planning on abandoning me. 👍#thats two for two on parents leaving me. my entire family has at this point so like truly i cant trust any relationship#like if my PARENTS find me that unbearable. and my best friend who knew me my entire life thought so. then truly every relationship#i ever have is on a fucking timer like. idk if any besties r reading this im sorry i promise this is in no way a dig at yall#bc you guys do really make me feel loved and secure in a way no one else has but. id be lying if i said i wasnt still scared#anyways enough oversharing#i really am fine and safe rn btw like. at minimum u guys r stuck w me until arc*ne season 2 comes out 😂#my post
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horsemage · 9 months ago
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I think we should bring back basic etiquette lessons such as shutting the fuck up when you’re watching a movie in a group that is not exclusively your friend group 🙂
#one of the groups on campus is hosting movie nights & I went to this one bc I've only ever watched pac rim on my laptop and wanted to watch#it on a larger screen. yay yippee I love this movie!#there r maybe 10-ish of us in this room and a three person friend group is sitting on the couch one of whom has seen the movie and two who#have not. okay so far so normal.#and then the movie starts and they won't! stop! fucking! commentating! the whole fucking movie!!! I don't have a problem with doing that#when I'm in just my friend group because I know that I can tell my friend to stop talking or pause the movie or whatnot but not when I'm in#a large group w people I'm not good friends with ffs#and the comments aren't even funny or anything they're all oh this is JUST like in iron widow!! oh they're SO gay and autistic!!! and#they're talking so loud about this that it completely drowns out the movie audio which has already been turned up a few times#like. be considerate!! some of us want to yknow actually listen to what's going on and not whatever bullshit you're saying#I nearly walked out three or four times before I actually wound up doing so#I may have been a bit of a bitch at the end but I don't care. I got up to leave because this was not an enjoyable environment and one of#them offered to turn the movie down if it was too loud. this caught me a bit off guard since I expected them to still be so wrapped up in#their convo and. well. I may have said 'it's not the movie that's too loud' before closing the door#this also reminds me a lot about my issues with online shipping culture and it bleeding through into how we interact with media irl#this is probably heavily influenced by my aromanticism but I'm so sick of people constantly reading romantic relationships into everything#AND placing more importance on those relationships than any other form. I don't mind romance in media. I think if done right it has great#emotional impact on a story but when a movie is running and when other people who may not want to hear it are in the room watching it too#is not the time to be loudly saying 'he's autistic!' 'they're in love!' 'she has a crush on him!'#I have my own interpretations of the movie some of which agree with what they said and some of which don't but that's beside the point of#knowing how to coexist politely in public#anyway. I think they were awful and annoying and they ruined my night out.#I think I'm just so incredibly mad about this because I love the movie and I was looking forward to watching it in a group of people who#found it cool as well while still having some modicum of politeness#I almost wish I had been meaner but that's the extreme annoyance talking I think#hater hour over love u guys bye
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acourtofquestions · 4 months ago
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Dont be angry, Finnula said. Be smart.
#Chapter 23#Kingdom of Ash#Sarah J. Maas#Elide Lochan#Finnula#no spoilers pls first read along w me chapter spoilers in post & tags below w more annotations/quotes/notes/reacts/perspective 3 of 4#The City of Rivers�� can Aelin get a City of Fire? cuz that would be cool & Elide already said “fear was another companion it can’t be worse#IT WAS LORCANS SHIRT😭 & he cared so much he lied so she’d use it from Gavriel/Rowan😭 OH ELORCAN😭😭😭#Yet this place seemed like a paradise. WHATS REAL? is it a Maeve illusion… but it sounds lovely; like Rowan could just fly around😭#Pink and blue flowers draped from windowsills; little canals wended between some of the streets ferrying people in bright long boats.#And though a good dose of fear would aid in her cover too much would spell her doom. -smart clever spy gal Annabeth Chase would be proud#And this city Rowan had told Elide had been built from stone to keep Brannon or any of his descendants from razing it to the ground.#when u know ur evil cuz you had to build in a backup plan for the day Brannons peeps eventually come to shut that shit down… my poor Aelin#Elide fought the limp that grew with each step farther into the city--farther away from Gavriel's magic… or Lorcan’s👀😭🖤🤨#okay Elide I see your mirror mirror Aos moves with the berry listen and compact trick she can do it with a broken heart#cycle. She hadn't been able to find the words anyway. Not with what it would crumple in her chest to even think them. WELL NOW IM CRUMPLED#As if she'd been weeping for weeks… yeah that fits the KoA vibes#But it wasn't the reflection she wanted to see. But rather the square behind her. — BRILLIANT QUEEN — lol thx Lorcan for having a mirror#if only anything could be a witch mirror then they could all cell chat and communicate cause the travel time in this one is rough#she was merely staring into a compact mirror no more than a self-conscious girl trying to fix her frazzled appearance — she is the best spy#A girl trying to muster some dignity. Let them see what they wanted to see-A girl far out of her element in this lovely well-dressed city#cornflower blue ALWAYS THESE SHADES#her golden-brown skin shone with an inner light. Her eyes were soft with kindness. And concern.#had always made them foolishly off guard and eager to get away. To tell her what she needed to know. — funny 2 watch Elide do this after HoF#The sort of voice Elide had always imagined great beauties possessing the sort of voice that made men fall all over themselves.#Cairn. One of the males swore; the other scanned Elide from head to toe. But the two females had gone still. — agreed he’s the worst#the portrait of hope—yeah child’s right cause no—Elide always naming pe​ople—If you escaped Cairn don't go looking for him again.—true#Cairn is blood-sworn to our queen. Still makes him a prick TRUTH — doesn’t need to be a far to catch the lie — WHERE IS SHE DAMNIT#She was about to do it again wheen… The dark-haired beauty from the tavern was standing behind her. — SHIT#Maeve was not in Doranelle. How long would that remain true? Had to make the next performance count. — how many had she done this already?🥹😭
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thompsborn · 2 months ago
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me looking at the still unfinished hb2 first chapter and the deadline that i gave myself (two more days):
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fatcowboys · 11 months ago
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im done w moving and out of the shitty apt w the shittier roommate (who did not let move out happen without adding as Much drama as possible) and have just. been feeling so much better. living w my two friends who actually communicate well and all work together on our needs and gah. so less stressed and anxious now!!! and also in a week kitty introductions have gotten farther than they ever did w shitty roommates kitties (they were kinda bullies, so we had to move glacial speed even w oregano cat expert) and just. thank u the universe things are so much better now
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theodoravery · 1 year ago
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litg mcs — s4 to s8: olive, rina, margo, bina & gabi
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cyanidas · 1 year ago
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Hope yall are having a good holiday season!
I'm excited for the new year ;w; small update in tags
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dandyshucks · 10 months ago
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okay its going under a readmore bc its messy and a lot, i'll try to keep it succinct though. CW for some discussion of the ongoing g.enocide and things around that topic
so one of the friends is someone I've really respected and admired because they're a very intelligent well-spoken and kind-hearted individual. i've really been impressed with how they think about things and with their ability to write really fantastic essays (that they often share with this friend group because they're in school and enjoy sharing their work with us because a lot of us are interested in the things they write about). about a year ago, this person went through the process of converting to j.udaism and we were all very excited (and continue to be happy) for them. they've been really happy with the process and the community they've found and it's been really good for them.
however! this person has since stated they are a z.ionist! and they've said that it just means that j.ewish people should live in i.srael, it doesn't mean they support the i.df or what is happening in p.alestine currently. but I'm just... baffled at how they can think that non-p.alestinians occupying the country could EVER be done peacefully. it has ALWAYS been colonization. it was never going to be done in a peaceful manner.
do j.ewish people deserve a safe place to exist? absolutely! but I do not think, ESPECIALLY now, that that safe place can ever be located in p.alestine. I'm not the most educated or well-read individual, I've done a bit of reading over the past few months but my memory is shoddy and I consistently forget almost everything I've read, but as far as I can tell, this has been a non-peaceful occupation (...can occupation ever really be done peacefully in reality? i doubt it.) from the very beginning. p.alestinians were being kicked out of their houses from the start.
and to add onto the messiness of this all, I am the only i.ndigenous person in the entire group. I am the only one coming at this from an i.ndigenous perspective. and because of my perspective, I am ALWAYS going to be on the side of the population that first lived and existed in a place. i am always on the side of l.and back, i am always on the side of the first peoples. anything less would be essentially agreeing with colonization.
so it is just incredibly uncomfortable to be the only i.ndigenous person in this group while the rest of the group has discussed and expressed sympathy with this person for holding self-professed z.ionist beliefs (I do not believe this person has done the right reading to fully understand what they are saying, which is so strange because they are usually so good about educating themself). and I feel like if I try to say anything to argue or simply question this person, I'm going to rock the boat too much and make Everyone uncomfortable and the entire thing will blow up and fall apart around me. so my options seem to be either: a) say something, b) say nothing and stay in the group, or c) say nothing and quietly leave the group. none of which feel like good options!
and it sucks so much because there are people I genuinely do like in this group, and I've liked this one person and respected them since I met them, but they're really .... showing themself to be an unsafe person at the end of the day. I keep feeling like maybe I'm not seeing something or maybe I'm missing something, but I've looked at this from multiple angles and while I do absolutely see where they're coming from and even sympathise with some of it, I disagree with them on a fundamental level.
(also it seems really fucked up for them to be newly converted to j.udaism and endorsing what is essentially colonization and lowkey ignoring the fact that PEOPLE ARE BEING GENOCIDED RIGHT NOW so maybe we should not be discussing "but where are all the j.ewish ppl going to live :(" until the bullets and bombs stop at the very least(????????), while I've been indigenous and dealing with the consequences of attempted (and still ongoing!) genocide and colonization my entire life)
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kittycowboy · 10 months ago
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The meower
#Queued... technically March 23rd?#I mean its march 22nd in oregon. but im not there rn lolz#either way im late. SORRY !! i forfor to queue on the 20th then i was on planes for like 21 hrs total#well no 5 of those were a layover @ the airport but#ANYWAYYYYY hi future me !!!#Howww was the trip? im on my first (second actually- its 4am of the second day if u coukd the arrival) day in Hong Kong#Its rlly hot and humid so I think im gonna die. BUT ITS ALSO SUPER COOL !!#Even just from the few hours I had out earlier its amazingggg. The lights and the buildings are so cool and theres such a fun but chaotic#atmosphere - idk if its just bcs its a big city or specific to HK?#I loveee large cities in general. New york. Tokyo. HK. thats all of the ones ive been to ig#I havent seen even close to all of HK. Im in central rn but we're goin to other parts later#Dad says the other parts are totally different- Like theres LOADS of gisnt buildings here (WAY MORE THAN U SEE IN ******!!! u know that tho#and theyre almost all residential of the ones I passed. Im sure theres offices n stuff i just didnt see them in the likd 20 minutes cab#ride lolz. U know all tuis already tho#ig what im getting at is HOW WAS THE TRIP !!!!! How was the rest of HK? WHAT WAS KYOTO LIKE??#augh soo many cool things.....#Also also !! Have you learned any mire katakana?#ive JUST learned the vowel line so maybe u lesrned the k line now too?#I cant imagine school is any different. OHH DID U FINISH THE M P 10P COMIC??#I started it and got abt one page done on the plane#I think it should only end up being two or three pages idk#Ohh !! Hows the new meds going !! I think u should have ur blood test done by now so do u know if it helped at all?#I hope soooooooooooo#Mm I think thats all I have to say .... NO WAIT HAVE U HUNG OUT W/ JACKIE??#i rlly want to b friends with her ^.^#Alright Thats all !! HAVE A GOOD DAYYYYYY I LOVE U#queue drop#weather report#WAIT EDIT DID THE TRIGUN VOLUME COME. HOW IS IT
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dameronswife · 11 months ago
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sometimes i just think about poe and it's like. i can't believe you mean this much to me? literally ahead of tfa i just kept scoffing at the descriptions of him, completely expected to be benevolently annoyed with him or meh at best and didn't understand why everyone went off abt how oscar was attractive (like i could tell objectively, but it's rare that i find someone subjectively attractive on a deep level), and then i just. saw poe for the first time on screen in theaters and that was it. instant attraction, and then a few minutes later realizing that oh, no i'm genuinely in love with this man. instant ride or die, we just clicked. i got him on a deeply intimate level just from those few minutes of screentime he has in the movie, that nothing about him following that ever surprised me? just. yeah that's him this makes sense.
and i remember writing what was absolutely self-insert masquerading as canon where r.ey was his best friend and i genuinely meant for it to be platonic but i kept accidentally writing a little bit something more and i genuinely think looking back on it that i probably had a crush and a squish on poe? and he may have started queerplatonic, leaning on alterous (if i'm understanding the term right). like it wasn't straight platonic because i genuinely had/have such a crush on him but it definitely wasn't straight romantic at the time either (and i still have moments where i'm like. yeah i'm definitely feeling qp feelings for him and not romantic ones). and then sometime in 2017, something I guess shifted and I wrote in an oc into that same fic who had a history with him and they both still had feelings for each other and they kissed at the end of the story but didn't wind up with each other, and then i started reading reader fic for him that same year and was like. oh I actually don't mind the idea of kissing him....i kinda wanna. and i also don't mind the idea of a relationship if it's with him, i even want it?
and like ofc things went sideways from there. i stopped reading fic bc my friend made fun of me for reading it and i felt like i was doing smth "wrong" and then the gaslighting of everyone hating him in t.lj when i didn't also severely impacted my ability to be able to enjoy him properly without trying to fold up my actual opinions to 'fit in' more and feeling anxious and not getting to enjoy it, but he was still such a cornerstone of comfort for me at the time. i even wrote my first reader fic in late 2018 to get some comfort from how awful things were in my personal life and it was of him. and then t.ros happened and the fandom got so toxic along w some friend stuff that my spin in poe almost broke (or so i thought), but like?? i spent the whole next year constantly drawn to things that reminded me of poe....read a book that was compared to the st and him a lot....bought a lot of orange things without thinking about it, developed a crush on a character that's like. basically poe with the serial numbers scratched off. all until i found my way back to him at the end of 2020 🥰 and after that i started embracing reader fic again and my romantic feelings for him and then lmao the physical/sexual attraction came in like a wrecking ball shortly thereafter which was New To Say The Least, but.
eeee i don't know i ended up gushing a lot about him but i just. sometimes i really think about the journey i've had with him, and how much good he's genuinely brought into my life. i get to feel all these emotions i never thought i would!! because of him!!! i get to explore new avenues that i wouldn't be interested in or comfortable in pursuing even mentally bc of him!!! he's helped me work through various triggers for my trauma bc they feel safe with him involved? and most importantly - i wouldn't know any of my lovely friends or partners if it wasn't for him? i stuck around in the fandom bc of poe, and that lead me right to my queerplatonic partners and family. i genuinely would not!! be the same person today if i had not fallen in love with that silly flyboy december 20th 2015!!! and isn't that just love in a nutshell?
#hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i don't normally gush but i'm heavily caffeinated rn moreso than i've been in months#i just!!!!!!!!! i cannot believe!!!#sometimes i worry when i like. mildly dissociate thinking about him and my love/interest in him bc one time that genuinely broke a spin bc#i realized it was not doing anything for me positively. but with poe everytime i'm just like#my life would genuinely not be as joyful as it is if it weren't for you. i would not be who i am today if it wasn't for you.#(tch. might not be here generally speaking)#i just. i really went from scoffing at him to 'oh no he's hot' to 'oh i'm in love' to 'i want to be his best friend in a really intimate#way' (cos i didn't know what qp/alterous was at the time) to 'i might want to kiss him but i wouldn't imagine myself w him'#to 'oh. actually i don't mind thinking about kissing him or being in a relationship w him. actually i /want/ that.'#to having to swallow my feelings for him to be diplomatic/avoid conflict for two years while still utterly adoring him and being in love w#him to subconsciously finding my way back to him!!!!!#and deciding with grim determination i'd continue loving him as much as i wanted no matter what anyone else said and YES that meant getting#kiss him on his pretty mouth. and shipping my self insert with him PROPERLY where they end up together.#and then realizing stuff that's less pg-13!!!! but no less mind blowing. like i had THAT setting. what the hell.#i just. what a journey.#he's my sweet flyboy my absolute beloved my best friend my starlight i love him to pieces u guuuuuuuuuuuys#i've had a lot of comfort characters over the years and a handful of special interests - none of them have meant as much to me as poe#he is genuinely a part of me and who i am he's my soulmate and i wuv him#okay i'm done#nym speaks#flyboy 🧡
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