#what do you mean you dont feel like a guy one day and and a genderless bridge troll the next?
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okay i know that we all know and love "mobei jun basically marries shang qinghua and shang qinghua is too oblivious/busy/stressed/insecure/etc to realize until its ridiculous" but like
have we considered the opposite? (also if we have considered the opposite, please someone link me to the fics thankyou)
look im just saying i would love a morally bankrupt shang qinghua whose just like "okay so imma marry that man and im 99% sure he loves me too so im just gonna force the issue" but mobei jun is so unfamiliar with human courting and weddings that he just has No Fucking Idea and he's spending all this time pathetically pining after shang qinghua without the slightest understanding that they're already in a committed relationship
i just keep thinking about how mobei jun answered binghe on the "get someones attention question" and how genuinely surprised he was by shang qinghua's answer 🤣 like he reallllyyyy doesnt know the first thing about human courting oki and it's hilarious
also my personal hc but i totally think that shang qinghua is the type of morally corrupt asshole who would 100% trap the guy he wants if he had any inkling that he wouldnt get murdered for doing it
(this might be because i see shang qinghua and luo binghe as sorta similar personality-wise🤣)
even better if the story is just ridiculous for mobei jun not to realize. just him practically breaking down with "i mean we have sex twice a day and we're always at each others sides and qinghua arranged this weird ceremony a year ago and insisted we had to wear red for some reason but like... qinghua is super weird and he never hits me so i dont think he loves me 😭 i mean he did hit me the first time we had sex but it was only the one time!"
sha hualing just like "hm, yeah, that is a lot of mixed signals :/ idk what to tell you man, i think your feelings are unrequited. also that gross rodent isnt worth your time. also get out of my house, i am 100% sick of dealing with this shit after binghe"
shang qinghua literally oblivious to the agony he's putting mobei jun through 🤣
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WHAT?? 300???? (i know its 297 rn but im probably gonna forget to make a post later...) 200 FOLLOWERS FELT LIKE YESTERDAY. I'M SO THANKFUL 🥹🥹 I HOPE ONE DAY TO REACH 1K (um thats gonna take quite a long time) TO ALL MY AMAZING WONDERFUL MOOTSSS: you guys r so talented i swear its a blessing when i see ur posts. THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE <3 TO MY FOLLOWERS: i'm so happy for each one of you i mean, without y'all i wouldve NEVER hit 300 i swear!!! THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING AND TO EVERYONE WHO’S EVER INTERACTED WITH ME EVEN ONCE— i'm also thankful. i appreciate you guys sm! WE'RE ONE STEP FURTHER TO THE 1K MILESTONE 🥹 THANK YEW GUYS. ps - i promise you guys one thing- im definitely gonna invest more time into my moodboards and whatnot. what i mean by this is making dividers, custom pics, flashing gifs... because i feel like i dont do.. enough??? if that makes sense 🥹🥹 pps - for the event, i decided to replace it to dec 31st so i can prepare more things! (for example, the rewards.. layout.. header... designs...) please tell me if another date works out better, and ill look into it!
divider divider divider divider divider divider divider divider divider
all my amazing moots: (sorry!!!) @khroem @cereskies @chaeryeos (omg i didnt even realize u were following me 🥹)
@cwrcent @n-americano @flyocide
@kokoch4nel @soobinspace @florescita
@09minji @kazmura @hyetee
@dollscies @i-99uyu @beompercar @rsier
@nikist-4-n @cakecito @catridoll
@ntykss @crylynnluv @atsubie
@odettetheshit @wonysmiu @strawlenn
@flutterdashes @radioruqita @ilovebl75
@i04naoi @choeuri @campaniitas
empty @thankynext @luvmoonn my first moots 💞
im sorry if i somehow didnt tag you 🥲
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i dont think i've seen you write about rudy or ale yet... but if you ever do some day, hear me out—as much as a gentleman rudy is, i absolutely 100% believe that this boy can get 𝒇𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒌𝒚 in bed. and whenever he gives us THAT look outside we get warm all over teehee 🤭
OKAY so—
I would love to write for Rudy. I think he’s hot as fuck. We love an understated man. I’m trying to get a better sense of his character. If anyone has any fic recs for him, throw them my way!!
For ale— I’m gonna be real. Idk if I can get over the forehead 💀
Also, (putting this under the cut bc it’s HEAVY COD criticism. It’s just a personal opinion on the media, not looking to start a discussion— just explaining my viewpoint)
It’s tough for me to watch the las Almas scenes because they embody a lot of why I avoided engaging with COD for so long, and why I’m kinda guilty over engaging with it now. I hate the propaganda it represents— I hate media where the military goes into “dangerous countries” supposedly to save the helpless native citizens by taking out someone labeled a cartel leader or a terrorist by the government of the predominantly white nations. I won’t claim to be an expert as to the cod storylines, so this is just a surface level understanding based on what I have seen.
The idea that Alejandro and Rudy as natives to las Almas believe that taking out “bad guys” is the best way to better the area is laughable to me. Any area’s dependency upon local crime syndicates is like any area’s dependency upon illicit substances— it’s symptomatic. This is just one of my many issues with the series and military related media in general.
It is the coward’s way— but I can ignore the subject matter and basis of the series in many of the scenes taken from missions that deal with the shadows, graves, marakov. I won’t claim any moral high ground. I am not a better person for any of this and I have nothing against people who choose to engage more with the series or think differently about it than I do. Media is what you make of it and I am not an authority by any means. These are just personal feelings. I may feel differently later, but it’s how I feel in this moment.
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I met the me who made different choices
#idk what this means so dont ask#got the words stuck in my head and this is what I wanted to draw for it immediately#me at my desk. so.#I dont look exactly like this obviously. doesnt matter. anyways#hard time recently in a lot of different ways#lots of work to do!#given up on getting everything done I kind of failed at that. it was too much#so now I'm just trying to get anything done that will make the next 6 months not kill me again#ideally. 3 episodes. or the book#or like at least close enough to that that its basically that#I'm feeling really screwed LOL#I dont know how I've been working every day for so long and still havent done enough...#(its because the work load is way too much)#every time I take 1 hour for myself. to cook. or clean. or draw something else. or play a game. I feel so guilty auauau#I hate webtoon I hate this damn green app...#DOESNT MATTER!!!#what DOES matter is my art is good as hell... look at this shit...#the light. the colors. I love you red I love you green#I need to get more red pants I only have the one pair.#I saw this guy with red pants that had skeleton legs on them and I was like FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!! I need them!!!!#I need to start sewing again. I dont have a sewing machine cause my apartment is too small so I havent sewn in years but I really want to..#I want to make clothes again... I need some vests I need some dresses..#I will not make pants or sleeved shirts because I dont hate myself#sketch#art#vent art I guess LMFAO its not#its just this fun little thing we like to call self expression#also this isnt how my desk setup actually is I scooted things around cause I didnt wanna draw anything twice. fuck it we ball#ok back to work
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zane + nya parallels
#alek gifs#ninjago#zane julien#nya smith#that's enough main tags for me#i had to MURDERRR the quality on these sorry for ugliness#also for those confused on why i picked these :#gif 1 “what are they doing” followed by gif 2 which is wu's response.#gif 3 is the funeral and gif 4 is what people did to honor that sacrifice. zane statue and 'nya day'#a lot of these differences are because of the writers / animation studio#i am not power scaling their funerals based on attendance#which is. hilarious concept wise actually#braincellshipping#can be taken as such . wink#something about zane and nya and ice and water and how without one the other cannot function the same#zane going to the digiverse / rebuilding himself. nya going to the sea and having to rediscover who she really is#the way nya saw zane die. like legitimately she was on the rooftop (with pix and borg but yknow)#the way zane's ice was what held nya's form together in s15. oh guys im crazy#they have a lot of trust thats kinda. looked over. she did all of his repairs!! he was fine with her poking around his mind and body#which means a lot bc zane is a very closed off guy. 'i dont feel strong emotions but you can see my every thought nya c: '#also victims of the 'written as hating being seen as one thing... and thing ens up written as just that one thing' ninjago writers issue#zane w robotism. nya with being a girl / jay's girl. oh goodness im cuckoo#ignore how inconsistent the text sizes are i threw this together at 6 am and im NOT feeling it#i forgot how much gif making sucked#oops#rant over
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Hobie1610 pt. 3
part 3 has finally arrived!!! at a faster rate than part 2 but a bit of a wait nonetheless lol
not entirely sure how long this lil story will go on for but hope y'all are enjoying this ride regardless, whether it ends on the next part or in 3 more chapters ldfjkdhf
in this installment: thrilling action, a high stakes chase, and we get to learn more abt our beloved hobie jones! yippee!
>pt. 1 here<
>pt. 2 here<
♧♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧
By some miracle, Hobie did not mention the suit to Miles once they started texting semi-regularly.
Unfortunately, they also couldn't really make their lunch date (date? God, get it together, Morales. It is not a date…) as soon as Miles would have liked, due to a million different things getting in the way of them setting a solid day aside to chill together.
Just his luck, of course.
But in the hallways, Hobie actually deigned to give Miles a passing smile every now and then. They didn’t ever get to hang out like they did for those precious few moments on the first day of school, but Miles didn’t feel the crushing weight of guilt every time he saw Hobie in his same classroom anymore. What a relief!
So Miles was mostly okay with how things were going anyhow, even if the hangout ended up falling through and they both decided not to go in the end. He was able to patrol and do his homework in blissful peace for the first time in months.
… Kind of.
That look on Hobie’s handsome face as he looked down past Miles’ coat collar though…
That still ate away at an anxious part of Miles’ brain whenever he had the time to sit down and really let his worries manifest.
No time to think about that now, though. Miles was suited up again on a school night, hoping to get at least an hour’s worth of patrolling in before security at Visions noticed he was absent from his dorm room. He hoped Ganke would be able to cover for him like he always did.
It was yet another cold evening out in New York City, and Miles was steadily covering the edges of Brooklyn, heading towards Manhattan to do a quick sweep through Central Park like he did on occasion. There was always something going on in Manhattan, especially during the evening.
Miles decided it wouldn’t hurt to take a quick peek before calling it a night and heading back to Visions.
So away he went-- now fully in his Spiderman element-- vaulting and soaring over buildings, showing off every now and then by doing silly flips and tricks mid-air for the opportunistic New Yorkers looking to snap their Spiderman Sighting of the day. A little social media promo never hurt anyone, after all…
Spiderman finally swung down onto a tree branch on the western side of the park from a street lamp and was just about to lower himself down as inconspicuously as he could, before immediately feeling the tingling electricity of his Spider Senses race up and down his spine, giving him the usual headache along with it.
He crouched down quietly on a branch and watched as a familiar lanky figure streaked across the path underneath him onto the grass and beyond.
Whoever this runner was, he was fast. And hot on his trail was a gang of burly bumbling assholes cursing up a blue streak as they gave chase.
Spiderman’s eyes stayed glued to the fast runner like they were a lifeline. His senses honed in on the person and he erupted out of the leaves of the tree with one mighty leap, sailing through the air to shoot a web out and swing his way on over to the excitement.
Several joggers, people walking dogs after work, and mothers with baby carriages exclaimed and shouted as they were barreled into by the gang of men trying to keep up with their moving target. The runner didn’t seem to be giving up, though, as their long legs sent them flying over bushes and rocks and lounging people as gracefully as a ribbon in the air.
It was indeed getting dark soon again, but the darkness didn’t really affect Spiderman’s senses at all. His mask helped him fine-tune his powerful vision and anticipate the runner’s next moves.
It looked as though they were trying to make their way up towards the Great Lawn from Cedar Hill, but whether the person was planning to make a break for the now-empty Delacorte Theatre or the Metropolitan Museum Of Art… or beyond? That was the million dollar question.
Spiderman didn’t want to lose the person in case they happened to just be a petty thief, since that would be a quick and easy problem to fix. But as he silently chased down the runner alongside (and unbeknownst) to the gang, his suspicions gave way to some other... ideas.
Namely, that the runner seemed young, a bit too young for someone to be pissing off this many fully-grown gang members.
He pushed through his confusion and made a break for the theatre the second he guessed that the runner was pivoting in that direction.
The trees were getting thicker the closer they got to the Belvedere Castle and Spiderman eventually resorted himself to hoofing it, mindful of sticking to the shadows of the foliage that surrounded them on all sides.
He was super grateful now more than ever that his suit happened to be his signature sleek black and red, rather than the tacky and hyper-visible reds and blues of many of his Spider counterparts (sorry Peter!)
Once he confirmed that the suspicious target was indeed planning on hiding in the bleachers of the massive amphitheatre, he shot up a web to hoist himself into the infrastructure from the tall stadium lights. From there, he positioned himself a bit closer to the fray, hearing the loud and heavy boots of the gang following the runner, not far behind.
Then, he squinted into the dusk as he watched one of the entrances from his perch up high... and almost choked on his own saliva!
In comes none other than Hobie Motherfucking Jones, streaking down several steps like a shooting star, clutching onto… something tucked under one of his arms. He was breathless, panting loudly, and heading straight for the Belvedere Lake.
Upon hearing the heavy bootfalls get ever closer with every passing second, it seemed that Hobie got the idea to attempt a last-minute juke by throwing himself underneath the stairs that faced the lake, tucking himself as tightly as he could under the massive stage at the center.
Spiderman watched all of this happening with wide eyes, holding his own breath in. He prayed that the ugly thugs didn’t see Hobie’s sneaky last-second move, but climbed up high onto the stadium lights and prepared to swing down anyhow, just in case.
What was Hobie even doing here, out at this hour? And what the hell did he manage to steal that was so important to these men anyways? It was quite a chase they were caught up in, running nearly two entire miles all the way up to the amphitheatre just to catch him, and that was only from what he could see when he swung into action.
The group split up and pulled out flashlights, determinedly searching the bleachers and corners as best they could while the sky rapidly darkened above them.
From right below the webbed crime-fighter, Hobie poked his head out from the shadows and took a peek.
No, no, duck back down! Spiderman wanted to shout, but he couldn’t.
No one knew he had followed them and he was safe high above the action where he balanced himself on the metal bars that housed the bulbs. His muscles tensed as the bright beam of light from one guy’s flashlight swept a little too close to Hobie’s head. Damnit.
Spiderman couldn’t just sit there all day! He had a friend to save, stolen item be damned!
He rechecked his web shooters furtively and took aim.
He set his sights on another stadium light pole across from the stage, figuring that if he was quick and agile enough, he could time his swing well enough to scoop Hobie up from where he was hidden and avoid any detection. Hopefully.
Seemed like a solid enough plan though, until Hobie just. Shot out from his hiding place all of a sudden, the heels of his boots rapping loudly against the cement and echoing all around the stage as he made a beeline for the lakefront.
Shit!!!
Miles wanted to kill him. Those guys didn’t even suspect he was hiding where we was in the first place!
... Okay, plan B!
Spiderman’s brain whirred at breakneck speeds as he watched the thugs exclaim loudly and give chase yet again, this time much closer to Hobie than they ever were before.
Without thinking, he swung down from his perch and bowled over a couple of men in his haste to simply just… grab Hobie like a damsel in distress and fireman-carry him back around the gang to get a good line of web onto a nearby pole.
The men all cursed and shouted in surprise of course, flashlight beams waving around everywhere.
One of them even yelled, “what the hell was that?!” like a character in one of his dad’s favorite cheesy slasher movies.
Spiderman was too fast for them, a black blur simply whizzing by as he grabbed Hobie and hoisted the both of them up into the air with a mighty leap. Hobie yelped in surprise, grunting from the effort, and seemed to let whatever he stole slip out of his hands which then clattered loudly onto the ground below.
The thugs rejoiced then, shaking fists at Hobie and his rescuer as they flew up to the top of a tree and detached themselves so they could fall onto the stadium light opposite from Spiderman’s initial hiding spot.
Spiderman didn’t stop until he attached another web up to the lights and dangled there for a bit. Adrenaline still coursed through his veins as he shifted Hobie off of his shoulders and let him slide slowly onto his side, his friend’s wiry arms clutching him tightly.
They both watched with rapt attention at the goings-on several feet below them.
The thugs congregated around the fallen item, picking it up and turning it this way and that. It looked like a briefcase, though with the low lighting it really could’ve been anything. It was only when one of them-- the biggest and burliest of them all-- shouted out another colorful swear word that Hobie then seemed to come back to himself again.
He squeezed Spiderman’s shoulders with his arms and kicked at him. They swung a bit from the wiggling.
“Ouch!” Spiderman hissed, as quietly as he could. He was hoping the dark dusk would conceal their position now as long as they made No Noises, but even that wasn’t guaranteed.
“Go, go, go, go, man! Let’s get out of here!!” Hobie hissed right back into his ear, his face mere centimeters away from Spiderman’s mask.
Spiderman stubbornly ignored the heat radiating out from his face at that realization and jerked this way and that, looking for an easy escape from their conundrum.
Flashlight beams danced around the ground before finally swinging up to the trees and catching sight of a pair of shoes dangling in the sky.
The biggest and meanest one of the bunch pulled something out of his pocket and took aim.
Bullet! Spiderman’s senses screamed into his cerebellum.
“Goddamn,” he huffed ruefully as the shots rang out. Hobie panicked. “Bullets for us? That’s a little harsh, isn’t it?”
Hobie clung onto his hero for dear life. “Brother, if you do not get a move on from here, we are both gonna get turned into fish filets!” He shouted into Spiderman’s ear.
“Ow. Okay,” Spiderman grumbled, sticking himself to the side of the pole they dangled from and readjusting Hobie so that he clung onto his back instead.
He took a deep breath and narrowly dodged a bullet that whizzed unnervingly close to their heads. Hobie yelled again.
“Okay, okay, okay,” Spiderman began, speaking quickly. “Hold on, okay? Hold on tight. Just hold on and do not let me go for even a second!”
“On it!” Hobie shouted back, legs kicking a bit before wrapping themselves tightly around Spiderman’s torso.
They both took a breath and then Spiderman jumped, gaining some air before twin webs erupted from his web shooters-- aimed directly towards the seating area entrance.
Together, he and Hobie rocketed from their airborne position towards their escape route once the fluids connected to solid architecture. To his credit, Hobie only whimpered a little bit through the ride.
The thugs had no chance! They stumbled on tired, aching legs towards the very door the two teens had left out of, complaining and cursing some more as they searched through the steps and made their way out onto the theatre’s general admission and concessions area.
They searched and searched through the bushes and trees, going so far as to even check the sculptures near the structure.
After several tense moments of gruff shouting back-and-forth, the search eventually died down until only a couple of the men were left sweeping the area once more. The others had already given up their fruitless endeavor and called it a night.
“Fucking kids, man. What the hell,” Spiderman heard one of them grumble before kicking at the Romeo and Juliet statue angrily and following the rest of his cohorts down the path towards the Great Lawn again.
Hobie and Spiderman let out matching sighs of relief then, happy to have given the men the slip by managing to hide behind the giant 3D Delacorte Theatre sign right above the box offices. Lucky for them, most people don’t think to search behind lit-up signs, so they went completely undetected.
“… Wanna let me know what you were doing here this whole time? You could’ve gotten killed!” Spiderman breathed. He wanted his tone to be sharper, more authoritative… but he was just so glad to see his new friend still in one piece instead of riddled with more holes than a chunk of swiss cheese!
Hobie scoffed, tucking a loc behind his ear and sitting back. Thanks to the lighting of the sign and the other park lights in the area, Spiderman could see him digging around in his coat pocket and fishing out-- a USB drive?
Hobie held it up triumphantly, sleepy down-turned eyes glistening with pride.
“I got it! Suckers! Screw them by the way, I’m not the thief, if that’s what you’re wondering,”
Well. He was sneaky, alright. Spiderman had to hand that to him, at the very least.
He sat back on his heels as well and exhaled. “Fine. I believe you. What’s on that drive?”
Hobie squinted at him then, really giving him a good once-over now that the excitement had officially died down. “…Damn. You’re Spiderman,”
“Yeah, yeah. Hey, hi, nice to meet you, I’m your friendly neighborhood Sp-- ugh, seriously man, just tell me what all of that was back there or else I’m webbing you up and calling the cops.”
“Hey!” Hobie objected. “Like I said already, I’m the good guy here. I snagged this from those guys because I caught them snoopin’ around the museum over that way. I followed them and found out they were stealing this!”
Spiderman bobbed his head. “Okay? And what’s on it?”
Hobie turned the drive over a bit in his hands, admiring it. “Most likely? Security codes, schedules, maps. I’ve been uh… investigating those dudes for a while after watching them sniff around the museum for a few days now. It looks like they were just art thieves plannin' a heist, so I jumped on the opportunity to deliver justice myself.”
Hobie’s mischievous grin was met by Spiderman’s disapproving stare.
“And why didn’t you just call security and let them know? Like I said, super dangerous thing you did back there! If I wasn’t there to save you, you could’ve died, man.”
Hobie pocketed his USB drive again and rolled his eyes. “Y’know, for a vigilante hero with cool superpowers, you sure are a square.”
Spiderman sat up and placed a hand on his chest, feigning hurt. “Oof, ow. That’s mean,”
“Yeah, it is, but you know I’m right. If a kid like me walked up to some cops and tried to warn them of a possible art heist, you just know those pricks’ll laugh in my face and do literally nothing about it. I had to take matters into my own hands!” Hobie jutted his chin out defiantly.
Well. Couldn't really argue with that, especially considering PDNY’s less-than-stellar track record of taking preventative measures most times. All that they would most likely do is nod along to whatever Hobie was telling them and chuckle, shaking their heads as they walk away. Not their problem.
Spiderman rubbed his chin. “Point taken," he conceded. "So what’s your plan now?”
Hobie glanced around, as if he was checking for any eavesdroppers. “I’m gonna submit some photos to a journalist I met online before turning this in back to the museum. The journalist’ll help get those guys behind bars once a story's published and some actual adults talk to the cops. I am going to go collect my reward,”
Spiderman blinked. He had a bunch of questions swimming in his head, but the first question out of his mouth was, “what reward?”
“The reward for turning in precious security info, genius!” Hobie tapped at his forehead with a finger and grinned. “If I get to negotiate with them, I can get some money to save up and-- uh. Nevermind. Listen, are you gonna rat me out or not?”
Miles’ brow creased behind his mask. “… I don’t think I will. Sounds like you’re doing the right thing… mostly.”
Hobie cheered silently. “Yes! Okay, I take it back, Spidey. You are cool!”
Spiderman sighed. “But first, I need to know you’re gonna be safe. Like, actually, and that you’re not gonna get followed home.”
Hobie shrugged nonchalantly and pushed more locs out of his face again. “Yeah, you can walk me home if you want,”
“No, that’s not what I mean. I mean, that’s not the only thing I mean. I need you to promise me that you’re not gonna get into stupid stunts like this again. That was so dangerous and you really could’ve gotten hurt!”
Hobie exhaled as well. He stared intensely into the mask’s giant white lenses for a beat, making Spiderman shift uncomfortably.
Then, he held up his pinkie. “… Fine. I won’t do stupid shit like this again. I promise.”
Spiderman blinked a few more times and hooked his pinkie onto Hobie’s. “Uh. Okay, cool! Cool, that’s what I wanna hear, considering keeping New Yorkers safe is my job! I just wanna see you safe, that’s all. No more art heists, you gotta leave that to the professionals to handle,”
“What, professionals like you? You might’ve not even gotten to them in time before they snuck off with like millions of dollars worth of art, bro.”
“Anyone ever tell you you are just so mean? Dontcha have a little faith in me? The ‘vigilante hero with cool superpowers’?” Spiderman shot back.
They both laughed.
“Seriously, though. I do appreciate the fact that you saved my ass back there,” Hobie admitted, eyes cast downwards for a second. “I was actually gonna throw this thing into the lake and hope this drive got eaten by like… a fish or something.”
“And what about you?” Spiderman smiled despite himself.
“Well,” Hobie shrugged. “If I died, I died. I guess,”
It was Spiderman’s turn to scoff now. “You have a family, man. Don’t be ridiculous. You have friends and family that would miss you!”
Hobie’s expression turned dark, his entire face shadowing for a second before being replaced by cool detached nonchalance. A slight hint of annoyance stayed put underneath.
“… My family’s barely my family. I don’t have any friends, either. Don't worry about me.” Hobie admitted in a clipped tone. He stood up abruptly and started doing some casual stretches.
Spiderman stood up as well, knowing fully well how this song and dance was going to go.
He would never admit it out loud, but he’d seen his fair share of self-destructive citizens throwing themselves into the middle of danger in the short time he’d been doing this whole vigilante thing. He had talked many a melancholy or manic person from tossing themselves off of multiple different buildings, different bridges, stopped them from “falling” onto train tracks.
And as loath as he is to admit it, this Hobie’s particular brand of cool detachment was entirely too familiar to him as well.
A flash of his uncle Aaron’s face lit up a part of his brain that he hadn’t really allowed himself to acknowledge since that fateful day. He quickly stamped that out.
He cleared his throat and rubbed at his neck. “… Well. That sounds pretty depressing, man.”
He didn’t notice Hobie’s shoulders hitch at that phrase.
“But,” Spiderman continued, “You got people out here who care about you, even if you don’t know it. You’re still so young, you could be ending your life before you even meet, like, your favoritest person in the whole world, right? So just do me a quick favor, take care of yourself. For me. Live long enough to meet your favorite person, alright?”
Spiderman put on his best comforting expression that he could despite the mask most likely getting in the way of Hobie fully seeing it. He hoped his words were enough to convince him not to dive off the deep end, at least not anytime soon.
It seemed to work at least a little bit, because Hobie looked back at him with a much warmer-- albeit hesitant-- expression.
“Can I ask you something?” Hobie finally said after a few moments of silence.
“Uh, sure.” Spiderman replied.
“Do you know about a kid named Miles Morales at all?”
The air was sucked out of Spiderman’s lungs right then as he floundered like a fish for a minute, brain working into overdrive to make his answer sound both intelligent and convincing.
“U-uh, maaaybeee? I dunno, I meet a lot of New Yorkers everyday and I don’t get many names, yanno? S-sounds familiar, but sorr--”
“I knew it,” Hobie exhaled a laugh and surged forward to embrace Spiderman with both arms.
Spiderman stood frozen in his place, arms held in mid-air as he worked to process this.
“Uh. What--”
Spiderman felt Hobie’s chin dig into the side of his cheek a little as he turned his lips to his ear. “Your secret’s safe with me, by the way. I’m not telling anyone,”
Miles felt his whole world turn on its axis before shattering completely.
Oh no, no, no, no, no! Goddamnit!
Miles pushed Hobie off and stepped back, holding his hands up. “Oh hey, whoa, whoa, whoa. I dunno what you’re thinking or who you think I am, but--!”
Hobie sighed loudly. “Miles, I saw your suit.”
The world screeched to a halt.
Hobie picked his gaze back up off of his feet and even seemed apologetic, almost. “I, uhm. Like, back on the roof. At Visions. I wasn’t… a hundred percent sure I saw it, since it could’ve been any logo at all, but. Well, you’re a pretty bad liar too, y’know that, right?”
Miles sucked in a slightly shaky breath, gulping loudly. “Uh. W-well,”
Hobie smiled shyly. “You, uh… you’re like around the same height as Miles Morales, anyways. And you sure sound a lot like him, too.”
Damn. Damn it all.
Miles spun this way and that, placing his hands atop his head as he panicked slightly. “H-Hobie, you cannot tell anyone else about this, whatsoever. Do you understand? No one. At all. Or we’re both dead!”
Hobie held his hands up, lines creasing in his face. “Look bro, you’ve got secrets of mine too. We pinkie promised, remember? I don’t break promises.”
Miles didn’t point out that the promise was so that Hobie would stop getting himself into stupidly dangerous situations, but he accepted it anyways, albeit reluctantly.
“D-do… do you actually, like actually promise me you’ll never breathe a word about this to anyone? Ever? At all?”
Hobie held up his right hand into the air, as if taking an oath. “I, MJ, solemnly swear to never breathe a single word to anyone about your super secret identity, so help me god.”
Miles planted his fists on his hip and shook his head. “Oh my god,” he exhales on a shaky laugh.
“Don’t you believe me? What would I have to gain by selling you out? Oh,” Hobie stops suddenly, perking up. “We could even work together! I got me my sweet camera and my extensive connects, man. Think about it!”
“No, no. Hobie. Stop that, man. I’m not putting you into any danger after I just saved your skinny butt. Spiderman doesn’t do sidekicks anyways,”
Hobie looked a bit put out, but shrugged anyways. “Well, I mean… think about it sometime. We could seriously take down criminal activity around here, if you’re down! And, uh. You do have my number,”
Miles looked up and took a deep breath. “Mmnyes, I do. I do have your number. That’s… I mean you’re not wrong about that. Listen, I think it’s getting pretty late and we should both be heading back home now, though.”
The corners of Hobie’s mouth curled up mischievously. “True, true. It is a school night, after all.”
Miles couldn’t stop grinning despite the heavy anvil that threatened to burst out of his chest. “Yep, yes it is! Okay, time to get you home now. C’mon, let’s go.”
Miles moved to step into Hobie’s space and carry him on his back again so he could lower the both of them down from the lip of the theatre roof.
But before that happened, he felt Hobie place a cold but strong hand on his shoulder, stopping him.
Miles looked up inquisitively and felt his breath catch in his throat as he felt those same hands slowly slide up the smooth spandex of his suit, up his shoulders, and then they stopped at his neck, at the seam of where his suit and mask met.
The entire thing probably only took a few seconds to do, but to Miles it felt like eons passed as he felt every single muscle twitch and the pulse beating underneath Hobie’s skin while he ran those fingers up his arms.
He was standing so close to him! Oh god!
The entire ordeal was unbearably intimate, and Miles could barely stop the shudder that wracked his body suddenly.
Hobie’s soft lips were slightly parted, the lighting of the sign next to them caught in the dark brown portals that were his eyes.
“U-uhm. Sorry, this is weird...” he mumbled quietly. But his hands didn't move.
All around them, crickets started their soothing chorus.
Here they were, right behind the giant lettering of the Delacorte Theatre, intertwined in each other’s arms on a cold night-- and Miles’ core body temperature has never felt hotter before. He felt like he could melt steel, the way this night was going. He didn’t know when his hands raised to grasp onto Hobie’s arms, but they must’ve done it of their own accord because Miles then felt himself squeezing softly onto Hobie’s biceps.
Slowly, painstakingly, and carefully… Hobie made his move.
Every centimeter of the mask being pushed up was accompanied by a soft look that asked-- no, it begged-- for permission to continue. His hands seemed to move on their own eventually, as he slid the mask up over the back of Miles' head and then eased it up off of his nose.
Hobie wore a soft look of determination then, that fully came into view again once Miles felt his mask slide right up off of his eyes. Hobie’s soft hands eventually fell away, mask in one hand, no sounds in the air except for the wildlife of the park starting to wake now that the night has officially fallen.
Miles wasn’t sure why he did, but he held his breath.
After a few seconds of appraising gazes from each other, pupils meeting pupils, exchanging a million words a second with just a few looks… Hobie grinned beautifully.
“Damn. There you are,”
Miles felt a plume of heat erupt from his gut and rush up to his face. “Uh. Hm, y-yep. Here I am,” he blinked back at Hobie with his big brown eyes.
Hobie had a look of pure joy on his face before it started to melt away suddenly. “You know… I should backstab you for abandoning me out of nowhere that one time, though… I really should...”
The moment collapsed like an undone web, a delicate thing now completely destroyed as Miles leaped up in indignation.
“Hobie!”
Hobie stepped back and laughed loudly. “Re-lax! I’m not gonna actually do it. But. Y’know.”
“And if you do, I’ll leave you webbed up to that billboard near Visions,” Miles threatened, mostly light-heartedly.
“Psshh, and then get my mom’s two million lawyers on your ass? Good luck,”
“As if they could ever catch me! I’m Spiderman!”
Just as easily as they had stepped out of being just kids for a moment, they stepped right back into it, bickering like they'd been friends since forever.
Miles lowered the both of them from the sign and they headed towards the eastern side of the park, making their way over to Hunter’s Gate. They bickered and bantered back and forth the entire way there, and it was only once they made it to the outer gates of the park that Miles stopped them both.
With his mask back on and other New Yorkers now milling nearby, Miles made it a point to lower his voice as he turned to Hobie and puffed his chest out heroically.
“So, random citizen. Where are we off to today? I told you I’d take you back home safely, and that’s what I’m gonna do.”
“’Cause you promised, right?” Hobie smirked, tucking his hands into his coat pockets.
“Uhm. Yeah, yeah. I did. So, lead the way!” Spiderman made a grand ushering gesture, and Hobie chuckled good-naturedly as he stepped aside and exited Central Park.
“You gonna walk me home, Spiderman?” Hobie threw him a side-long glance.
“Yyyeah…? Why? You’d rather swing home?”
“I liked swinging, actually. Yeah,” Hobie stopped where he was on the sidewalk and nodded with an air of finality. “Yeah… let’s swing!”
Spiderman felt his heart do a few somersaults in his chest before he gestured towards his shoulders. Hobie quickly assumed the position, long lanky arms wrapping around him and leaning his body weight against Spiderman’s side.
Spiderman shot up a web to a nearby street lamp and gave his friend one more glance.
“You sure?” He asked again, really making sure that Hobie was okay with this. Not many people really liked swinging, which was understandable. Even Miles wasn't the biggest fan of it at times.
Hobie chuckled and ignored the onlookers as they slowly ambled past the two, throwing the teens questioning glances as they made their way past them.
“Yeah, I am! Let’s go,”
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Miles: Do you actually actually really like on your LIFE promise that you’re not ginna tell a soul about… well…
Miles: gonna*
MJ: Yes, Miles. I PROMISE [eyeroll emoji]
Miles: I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE
MJ: Do you actually, though? ;)
Miles: No. But I can find out… I got connects
MJ: Uh huh. I’ll tell your “connects” that if you don’t take me out on that promised lunch date, our friendly neighborhood Spiderman just might be the next trending topic on ALL social media apps again very soon……..
Miles: Oh my god. You are Evil. I can’t believe this. My next arch nemesis… damn
Miles: What a killer plot twist. The greatest foe I have yet to face happens to be none other than one of my very own classmates
Miles: It be ya own people
From his family’s Lower Manhattan penthouse, Hobie laughs out loud as he reads the text messages, ignoring all of the curious glances thrown his way by various members of his team.
From Miles’ own humble dorm room at Visions, he laughs aloud as well.
#spiderverse#mine#miles morales#hobie brown#<- well i mean not really but yall know what i mean#hope u guys enjoyed this lil installment! <3#i tried to make the action as entertaining as possible but y'all must know.... that it really is my weak spot so if you guys read all that#and went 'huh'#well then.... Understandable Have A Nice Day!#but listen mj is more often than not a total bamf in the comics and so to make 1610's mj not nearly as cool#esp when this is HOBIE we're talkin abt here... that would be criminal. so i did what i had to do#and i'm trying to like uuhhhh not do an Exposition Dump on hobie jones' character all at once#just sorta drip feeding y'all his backstory before we Get Into It ya feel me#also @ everyone leaving nice comments so far. I LOV YOU :) <3#thank u!#sorry abt the messy ass art on this chapter. i rushed it as i'm sure y'all can tell#they also dont match up 1:1 on the story bc i did the sketches initially before i wrote all this#just as concept art before sitting down to write so i meannnn! but! they came out p close to the finished product#so i was like 'ok close enough lets just ink it and be done'#hope yall still like them anyhow LOL oops#anyways..... i gotta quit my yappin'#see yall on the next one <3#punkflower#← almost forgot to tag oof
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It's missing my father hours rn so imma just dump a bunch of pictures here and cry
( sorry i don't know the source of anything I just had them on my phone)
(also dont read the tags i just need to let it out lol)
#I just realized I can call him dad easier than my real dad and now I understand why am I so damn attached to him#I always knew he was a parental figure for me#but now I connected the dots#How when u have an absent dad and a d34d mom a guy shows up in ur life#that tells u life advice that both of ur parents failed to do so#and makes u feel safe the first time in ur life#ofc ud become attached#i know for sure its unhealthy how much i love and miss him#he occupies most of my thoughts honestly#But how could i not cling to him so much when he was the only one who gave me hope in life#i try to keep going and even tho he is not here i keep telling myself whatever he taught me. i keep reminding myself he wants us to live an#bloom and be free#and that's what ill try to do#but you know somedays i wish i could just disappear and be wrapped in eternal happiness#its so fucking hard to pull yourself out of the slump man im so fucking tired im so so tired#somedays i wish id have the courage to off myself but i know that deep down i want to live and ive always wanted to live but i have no idea#how to live. i feel like i finally found a purpose and someone i love. but at the same time im always doubting myself and im scared of losi#g this little hope again and i know i should cherish and use it instead but each day i have this anxiety because rn i have nothing else if#lose this i seriously will lose everything atp. but ill still try bc rn its this or death so i should try im just damn tired yes anyways#sorry for being depressing some days just dont work out but thats okay#yes at the same time i want to get out of my head and try to find some friends but i cant deny that im highkey fucked up and i just cant le#go of my past and i still feel like that helpless unloved kid and idk how to form relationships this way. i dont trust myself at all so idk#how to trust others. and i feel like in order to find ppl that would love me i have to overshare abt my whole lifestory bc it still dictate#my life heavily. and since i met this band its better cuz im learning to deal w it and i want to heal from everything but yes at the same t#me who would wqnt to be friends w. someone that has like a year of life experience and 18 years of depression lol#so yes its complicated. bc i have friends but im like the funny friend. the one that is as shallow as puddle and has no problems but honest#y im genuinely sufferint qnd have been sufferinz all my life so i want to come out of my funny friend role. but that wojld mean i have to t#ll the shit i went through to all my friends but tbh it would be so random so ye. i do have a plan though. how it could work. But yes im ti#ed have been tired for 7 years now. But this time around i hope i can successfully get out of this torture cycle lol.#ok sorry this is what happens after puberty guys i could beva research case for a damn mental institute atp xdd
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When I watch X-Men First Class and see Cherik. For some reasons that idk why even. Please Please Please of Sabrina Carpenter suddenly their my theme song to them. Random but it is what it is 😭
yk if it was any time after first class i could see it ....... divorce and the cycle of breaking up and getting back together and all ....... the denial etc etc .....
#snap chats#asks that remind me of shadow the hedgehog#oh no .... my interests . .. <- weirdly obsessed with Please Plesae Please. and shadow the hedgehog. we are talking about x-men#but anyway i could see it AFTER the divorce ..... most people havent accepted erik's A Bit Out There yet in FC i think ...#but 'i promise i have good judgement i know i have good taste it's funny and its ironic only i feel that way'#like girl i see the vision your brain's visioning ...#the whole song's about being in denial about the imperfections of your partner ok i get it ...#'heartbreak is one thing my egos another' lines that make me think of the whole 'i wish erik was here so he could see i was right' bit jeAJ#'if you wanna go and be stupid dont do it in front of me' do i need to elaborate my beautiful chat. no 😔#i could do this all day i fear .... i fear Please Please Please is my fave carpenter song ..#its so funny tho i was listening to this song in the car with my brother and he was like#'why does this song sound like she's embarrassed to be seen with her boyfriend' like oh my poor innocent brother#its cause her boyfriend probably sucks and she doesnt want people to point it out because who wants that told to them#and it being right huh </3 my brother just thought she was Innocently embarrassed by him yk what i mean#like when you have a friend or sibling whos harmless but has Embarrassing tendencies like. idk liking x-men 😔 gjerLKLJ BUT LIKE YOU GET IT#nay ..... not what... the songs about i think ...#anyways guys i have a quiz today and i dont !!! want to do it 😔
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We ought to write more Pokemon fic some time. We want to recreate the Pokemon Manners/Human Manners cheat sheet that we made a few years ago we think that this site would like the Sliding Scale Of Politeness When Greeting A New Pokemon You've Never Met Before.
#we speak#writing#we grew up with pmd games and we feel like the way that pmd pokemon's dialogue tends to be excessively... direct?#should be a feature and not a bug when any pokemon that you meet might be totally unfamiliar with your species and biology#it's probably very polite to start up front with some basic facts about yourself so they know how to act going forward#the very upfront feel to dialogue also very much helps with keeping the dialogue feel more... pokemon#people mock the series for weird npc dialogue a lot but we think that taking these things literally makes for more fun society building#it doesn't all have to fit with socially acceptable for our world we think. polite in our world isn't even consistent by household.#sometimes a polite interaction sounds like “hello! i'm poochyena! i like to chase people and bite!”#name and immediately socially useful information. now you know about the chasing people and biting so you don't assume it's rude#of course poochyena bites and chases people. it likes to do that. you can say you don't like that and it might stop doing that to You#but it will not stop biting and chasing people because that's what it likes to do and it will probably only befriend people okay with that#it makes a very specific dialogue feel that's very fun to do. we like how the pokemon world tends to treat any sort of like#disability or “weird” things as something that you just say out the gate and everyones like “oh okay”#and then treat that as Part Of Interactions going forwards. there are a surprising amount of parts of the pokemon manga#that are dedicated to working around a character's disability after one or all of their means of dealing with it get taken out#admittedly we aren't that caught up on newer content but we find the way that it tends to be just Accepted as very refreshing#making the dialogue this direct does also tend to make it read as more “childish” in english and particular because a lot of Maturity's jus#learning how to dance around what you're saying or phrase it in different ways to get your idea across differently#whereas here everything is just as direct as possible. “i don't like charmander”. “i like roasting berries”. “i want to dig things up”.#all pokemon dialogue tends to go towards being exceedingly simple and it makes for some very distinct writing#especially when you have to tackle complex situations with characters who probably dont employ that sort of vocabulary#though we personally enjoy doing this sort of stuff your mileage may vary ofc#we are biased towards this sort of thins because we find it MUCH more fun to build up what we're talking about from blocks#than to like. try and use more indirect wording that may lose things in translation#unfortunately this is not fun in irl conversation. everyone has to be on the same page and you need to use the same playbook to communicate#we REALLY wish people said what they meant though. we're really tired of being asked shit like “is this accessible”#when what they mean is “can you climb these stairs” a question which depends on the day our energy level and how things have been going#there are a lot of things we could say that would make us feel like some sort of anti sjw type guy and a lot of em boil down to just#"for the love of god dont dance around a Sensitive Topic just get to the point and ask us about it this just makes things harder for everyo
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Every day that goes by, makes me glad I have never had the urge to join or download TikTok.
#about me#people are so impressionable....#idk about you guys but the word “viral” has lost its meaning to me a long time ago#like these days everything is viral#and these so called trends that come out every day#one day its mobster wife or trad wife like....what#i dont get it#from an outside perspective tiktok feels cringy to me#and dont get me started on the amount of consumption and wasteless shopping shit people do on tiktok
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i feel like a part of my soul has been ripped from my chest and i dont know why.
#is this a bad time to mention i dont even believe in souls?#i really dk why.#no this isnt abt jiro somehow apparently having a loving family#(ok like. at least 1/4 of it is BUT STILL. NOT THE POINT)#(part of me feels awkward abt it bc just. huh? youre telling me. this guy. that i basically am the irl version of. has a loving family???)#(/j and all but just. idk part of me feels awkward now? it just. a guy who blew himself up for most of the same ideals i have)#(gets to have the one thing i yearn so very hard for. everyday of my life. but can never have.)#(ill get over this in like. 2 hours. hopefully. most of thats just shock anyways.)#just. for the past some days. besides a couple things and people. hurt and love havent really. made me feel much of anything#like being cared for by actual ppl even online. yeah. it still does but#even my fantasies don’t entertain me anymore#oh god am i becoming lopt. save me fuck#UNLESS this means i get mason as my bf. then hell fucking yeah (kidding kidding kIDDINGG i dont wanna be lopt. please.)#but srsly. usually i can envoke some sorta reaction from myself if its brutal enough#but. nothing.#id assume that im over doing it usually. but i havent in a good while#maybe this is some what where my art/writers block is coming from#whatever this hell is.#time to go on a spiral of mildly depressing and somewhat cryptic posts (cryptic if i didnt info dump in the tags that is)#why is it so hard to confront issues when you dont even know what the issue is?#i just. wanna be able to make myself feel something.#not in a “i have no one but myself” way for once. just. i dont wanna have to rely on others for my emotions#i want to feel a pang of hurt. yet it feels so empty. i dont want to harm myself. i just want to feel it.#anyways ig.#ig im gonna just sleep#which tbh im growing to hate bc like. i feel all i do is sleep. i sleep to avoid how much my own body hurts. i sleep to ignore my issues#i sleep to ignore the fact i keep forgetting to respond to people even though ik i have to at some point. i sleep to avoid the dread of not#getting anything done. i sleep just because im bored.#and im tired of sleeping.#but. it feels worse awake. my body hurts. my mind hurts. it all just hurts.
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if i might bitch about work for a second: yesterday was hellishly bad despite being able to keep up with it and i found out that apparently our department made 4600 dollars yesterday which is making me angry beyond belieffffffff
#this is math i do fairly often bc i enjoy ho-hum math and hate my job and like#even if we took off 2000 bucks for overhead costs which feels excessive but i will concede it#that would be enough to pay everyone working a little over 860 dollars which is 300 more than what i make in a WEEK#literally WHEREEEEE IS IT WHERE IS IT GOING WHERE IS IT#i dont like following this logic through because on days where there are fewer orders we;d do less#and i disagree with gig work's implementation as ive seen it and i think that would stress people out worse than we already are#(which is significantly)#but at the same time. 850 dollars. i cant afford to buy groceries this week. 850 dollars...#can i get a BONUS or SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#it makes me soooo angry i was talking to one of the deli guys who asked for a raise and got denied mid-question#before our director accidentally showed him that their department is four thousand of gods own dollars under labor#its so revolting to me i talk to so many people in this store who are terrified because of medical bills or rent or car shit#half my department works two jobs just to get by and ALL OF THEM drive junkers#honestly one of the things thats scaring me about if i actually move out is that i do rely on...living with my mom#i pay for most of my own food i pay an absurd amount of rent to share a room with her but she's willing to drive me to work#even though i've offered to walk multiple times and she REALLY should prioritize her own time more#but at the same time...not having to pay for rides has been carrying me hard#if i got a car i'd be fucked because those things bleed money and generally ethically i disagree with cars#but if i dont its like okay pony up the money learn to navigate buses (except for sunday when they dont run) or get ready#to walk to your job where you walk all day and then walk home in the dark#which. i love walking. and listening to music on my own while walking. so bad example. but i also love not having my feet hurt#all the time always no matter what im doing which is something im becoming increasingly unfamiliar with#its like. ultimately. something's gonna get fucked no matter what#and then i hear a figure like 4600 and i remember how avoidable all of this shit is. how avoidable it is for ANY of us#our ceo is gonna walk away from this merger attempt with 5 billion dollars in safety-cushion money#the 10 top execs beneath him with 1 billion#and its just so. what can you even do. 5 billion. can a number like that even mean anything? how could you possibly need that much#850 dollars would be a lifechanging amount of money for me right now and im not even one of the worst off#its just. god. this world could be anything but what it is but its this and for what
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I AGREE its so crazy how zap gags weren't a thing.... like TTCC really popped off with that one! i understand TTR is moreso sticking closer to the way TTO was but WOW zap just feels so natural with a REALLY good mechanic that uses strategy in using squirt and its just so good.... also my favorite track
YEEEPP!! That's how I feel about it. Squirt and zap just mix well together. I also think the addition of an 8th gag track was also a good move, allowing for a nice rotation of combinations (like how lure-trap and throw-drop are together as a combo). And also its a nice even number. I also think it helps utilize squirt, idk just feels good to do in general. Of course, I don't really have anything to compare this to and it's just me speaking as a player of (currently) one server, so take what I say with a grain of salt.
It's my favorite too, zap warriors UNITE!!
#clemask#clemramble#this is also not me hating on tt r either#actually i probably dont have to space that out because this is going to appear in word search anyways but still#i know sometimes there's a little bit of competition (is that what youd call it)? between the two servers. i want it to be stated that#i do not care about server comp. play what you want. who cares. i think both servers have their pros and cons and finding value in what YOU#like is more important than which one is the “”best“”. I think TR does an amazing job of taking TTO and transforming it into something more#while also staying true to the original game. i love the fact it brings some of the old concepts that were originally scrapped or lost#i also like the toon events that they have. like there was the halloween one and if i believe correctly it had a parade in it?#SUPPPERR COOL. i shouldve atleast played a little during that time just to experience it. but to be fair during the school year my#playing in general is toned down a lot. im sure everyone reading this knows how it is#and obviously i like ttcc. it has mac and winn. i mean what who said that.theres a ghost in here....#and i can understand why people like or dont like each server. they all have pros and cons. but to me its like the two cakes image#sorry i felt the need to clarify bc i know im kindof exclusively a ttcc guy and me going 'ummmm well tt r doesnt have zap' might sound#like im hashtag hating but im not. tt r is awesome ok. i need to try it out one day.#i just really like zap as a gag. like anon stated i think it just really feels natural to the game#that water electric combo does wonders
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#what made you change your stance anon#lmao you guys act like you know what I think or feel#i criticise and say what I feel like I have to say because I have opinions and I don’t like some stuff#i decided to take a huuuuuge step back from fandom#i don’t interact with anyone anymore and I don’t engage with much content#i decided it was better for me to not know#and i saw what being an opinionated person in this fandom means#it means you’ll feel alienated and you’ll get a lot of hate#and quite frankly it’s not what im here for :)#im not trying to appeal no one. the people who know me on here already know my stance and what I stand for#plus I dont hide#you mentioned babygate and I dont think I have changed my approach to it#but i dont think we’re moving forward with that. it’s not going to change or stop or anything#i have to accept that that horrible stuff will stay longer than I will#(one of the last moment of struggle for me was the chickengate iirw and costed me a looong list of block and hate messages)#i think i am now at peace with him#i am healthily recovering and now im doing much better#i really like him and his music#i like going to his shows and I really think he’s genuinely a nice guy#and i think that’s it. i don’t feel safe sharing my opinions on here anymore#only here for fics and personal stuff :)#hope you have a nice day!
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bedtime nowww probably ummm today qas not what i wanted it 2 be but its fine. i dont feel negative just a very very very numb day which is almost worse. but only almost 🙏
#i did get thr laundry done didnt fold it didnt take a shower#so thatll hopefuly be tmrw#i hope im able to do an activity with somebody tmrw.... the kids will be back at school so umm. no risk of weeman asking for my laptop in#the morning. or maybe me n lamp could play aa... idk#i feel like such a loser i go 1 day without bothering my family and im like wahhh im lonely. Can you shut up ..... we r better than this.#but wtvr. thats also a mean thought and i shouldnt be idolizing the way i lived last year. We were taking spongebaths and eating#1 bowl of soup a day crying ourselves to sleep every night and literally going weeks on end wo talking to our loved ones. so why am i like#We need to go back ! well i know why its bc i cant just let myself heal and move on bc of my stupid complex#and tbf i was very efficient back then. i ws able to do my spongebaths at least every 3 days and i did my laundry every week right on#schedule and i had a job....all it took was literally not being a person in any meaningful way FJFNGJGN. idk#it was very simple. its still very simple perhaps simpler (#no job) but instead i just feel guilty i guess. sbt everything#which i ws doing last year but again i was too out of it to rly dwell. i just cried at work a lot abt it#but now its like. i dont have a job to go to to focus on. my interests/hobbies can only distract me for a few days maximum b4 they become#nothing 2 me. and then im just back in limbo again and it feels pointless#and even when its a 'good' phase of something actually keeping me distracted from everything its like. not. all it does is ruin my sleep#schedule again yk. ik im literally the timeloop guy so u think id loveee Everyday being exactly the same over and over and over but well i#dont. bc they arent actually the same day theyre just reminders that everything does keep fucking going but im stuck. which is the opposite#of what i want. and what id have if the beautiful timeloop would simply rescue me. wtvr tho.... she doesnt even know i exist 😥#little joke. IDK. like i said its better ig than having a truly miserable day but. man. i wish everything was better#i ws gonna say like it used to be but. yk. ive been depressed since i was like 7 its not like. idk. i wish i was born different and i wish#my head worked and i wish none of it had evrr happened. but itis ok. i cant think of a funny cutesy alternative to put here so we will just#say nothing. yay
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btw similar to the whole "if you try adderall at a party and it calms you down, get an adhd test" thing, if at some point in your life you try microdosing shrooms with a friend and end up feeling like a functional person for the first time in your life, get tested for depression. like yeah hallucinogens come with elation so youre probably gonna have some "this is the best ive ever felt in my life" vibes regardless, but like. if that in and of itself feels like finally breathing in for the first time in years, thats for sure a sign that something is up with your ability to process serotonin most of the time. feeling better than ever before should be a nice bonus, not a crushing weight off your chest
#fun fact there are currently multiple ongoing studies vis a vis the effectiveness of psilocybin on depression#both on its own and as a companion to ssris#psylocybin targets the 5ht2a serotonin receptors which wikipedia tells me are more numerous in the brains of those with depression#so like. if you spend most of your life feeling like your brain is an aquarium with a leak in it and serotonin is the water and your default#state is 'slightly damp gravel grinding painfully against itself' thats ummm not normal 👍#and on the flipside of that if you have depression that no other med has worked for and know a guy. its 1000% worth it#origibberish#also i say 'wikipedia tells me' as if i just looked it up but that all comes from a long night of spite filled research after i asked my#psychiatrist if we could use the fact that psylocybin worked for me as a basis to like. narrow down which legal antidepressant#might work instead of basically just throwing darts at a board every time#and after several minutes explaining to her that i was not just asking her to prescribe me shrooms but in a legal way she went#'ohhhh yeah no unfortunately theres been no research into that‚ yeah.... sorry......:)'#which. as far as 'lies you come up with on the spot to avoid having to say i dont know' go‚ that is. maybe the worst one to pick#like. 'no‚ thats not an option'? alright fine maybe theres some internal rules or something who knows#'theres no research' though just. immediately tanks any and all credibility 100% even on its own but considering the subject matter?#youre telling me. that humans. the famously curious species that researches fucking Everything. and also Loves playing with drugs. when#trying to figure out how to make drugs that make brains feel good. would not start with the drugs they already knew made brains feel good.#youre telling me that not one (1) singular scientist tried shrooms and went 'oh my god wait. i dont feel like im dying for the first time#ever. holy fuck i need to study this'#complete misplay. absolutely legendary fumble. there were so many ways to fuck it up and somehow you found the worst. congratulations#om the other hand though. really was an excellent setup for the punchline that is the voicemail i have from them saying she'd been fired LOL#they didnt say what for specifically but yknow. based on my own experiences i certainly have theories jebfksbfk#it was annoying in the moment but at the end of the day i have shrooms and she doesnt have the job so. whos laughing now emily KSBFKSBFKDN#this is what i mean though like. rn i feel fine. not on top of the world‚ not like a god#just. fine. i just dont feel like shit. i feel like i can do stuff if i want to‚ or chill peacefully and have it actually be. relaxing.#i dont feel like gravel right now‚ i feel like a person.#and god what a fucking relief it is#really i guess the moral overall is that if at any point you react to trying a new drug the same way an addict craving a hit for days would#then there maybe is something up with your brain chemistry because that means your default state of existence is comparable to that#of withdrawal. a famously shit experience
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