#what do you MEAN I want to talk to the mutual more because they’re funny

[chillingandtoxic]

Having a fun mutual is a nightmare in disguise

[pinkfey]

ursula when she sees gale and mystra’s matching earrings and puts two and two together

[daenerysstormreborn]

Time to ramble. I’m thinking about the way Arya and Sansa fans seem to get into this debate about who was more lonely and neglected in Winterfell. Which is kind of funny because then the arguments get totally reversed when debating other aspects of the characters. But anyway. The general arguments seem to be:

1. Arya was clearly the neglected outcast. This is clear in the meta narrative because of her connection to Jon and the fact that she doesn’t look like her true born siblings. The more direct evidence comes from the way Sansa and Jeyne teased her, the harshness of Septa Mordane, and Catelyn’s exasperation. It can be inferred that Arya feels a sense of insecurity wrt to her family ties as she wonders if her own mother would want her back after everything that happened. It can be assumed that she was a bit of an outcast based on her disinterest in the things expected of her as a girl, and we see the way many characters look down upon non-conforming women and girls in-universe. Sansa, on the other hand, receives praise from her mother and the septa and has two named close friends in Winterfell. She happily conforms to what is expected of her as a highborn girl and we can assume she would fit in in Winterfell.

2. Sansa was clearly the neglected outcast. This is clear in the meta narrative because she is the only one to lose her direwolf, which is the family symbol. The more direct evidence comes from contrast with Arya, whom Sansa observes can “make friends with anybody,” seemingly in contrast to herself. Ned agreed to kill Lady despite knowing she was innocent and indulged Arya’s interest in swordplay whilst being unenthusiastic about indulging Sansa’s interest in tourneys. Arya is demonstrated to be beloved by Ned’s men in a way we do not observe with Sansa. We can assume that Sansa didn’t feel like she belonged because of her interest in sothron culture, something none of her siblings share. Arya, on the other hand, is extroverted, makes friends easily, is northern in appearance, and has no interest in sothron culture, so we can assume she fit in in Winterfell.

I actually don’t think a lot of the points in the two arguments is mutually exclusive. We also have to remember POV bias. Arya doesn’t reflect on Any friends her age she had at Winterfell (I am not including Mycah because I am under the impression they became friends on the way to King’s Landing), but Arya is not one to reflect and reminisce. Sansa notices that Arya can make friends with anyone, but she doesn’t experience Arya’s inner world. What does Sansa mean by making friends? Does she see Arya having fun and being at ease talking to anyone and feel envy, since she herself feels like is performing, always minding her manners, when she’s socializing with most people? Could it be that Arya is friendly but struggles to find long term close friends like Jeyne and Beth, attributing this disparity to Sansa’s “ladylike” interests? Could it be that being teased by Sansa and her friends and scolded by Catelyn and Mordane has made Arya assume that other girls wouldn’t be interested in close friendship with her, causing her to be friendly but keep a certain distance? (**please note I am not trying to make a case for nlog Arya. I think keeping a distance because you assume you’ll be rejected is different and does not require that she looks down upon other girls, because there is no evidence for that here**)

I don’t have a good conclusion I just think it’s interesting that this is something that gets debated because the truth is probably somewhere in the middle. We can’t know because we get very few flashbacks and the story picks up when their normal lives in Winterfell end. I can’t speak to George’s intentions but if we pretend they’re real people I’d speculate that both would have felt misplaced within Winterfell at times, envying certain traits about the other

[interstellarlyinlove]

Mutual pining (May 12th)

Word count: 700

@wolfstarmicrofic

Sirius screams into his pillow. James startles, knocking the pot of ink on the desk all over his admittedly horrible essay. 

“Godric! What the hell?” James and Sirius are the only ones in their dorm room and Sirius has apparently gone crazy.

“Why won’t he talk to me?” Sirius asks, throwing the pillow on the floor. “Why won’t he just talk to me?”

“Remus literally talks to you all the time,” James says, and he doesn’t need to ask who Sirius is referring to because who else would it be? “And pick up that pillow. This room barely fits all of us when it is tidy.”

“But no, he doesn’t. James, he doesn’t. Not about the things that matter, anyway.” Sirius doesn’t say anything about the pillow but he does pick it up.

“What are the things that matter, again?” James asks, turning his chair around to look at Sirius. 

Sirius blinks. “I just mean that–”

“What is the last thing you two talked about?”

“How peeling an orange is the epitome of love, apparently,” Sirius says. And he doesn’t even say it to be funny. He’s completely earnest.

James truly cannot believe that Remus and Sirius don’t know that they’re already dating. “You talked about– how did that conversation start?”

“I’m not really sure. But, see? I want to talk to Remus about things that matter. And things that don’t matter, as well, like love oranges. It was a really lovely conversation, James. Easy flowing and funny and–”

“Love oranges are funny?”

“Well, Remus is funny, so yeah.”

James nods. He doesn’t want to point out the obvious and tell Sirius to just ask Remus to marry him already if only to see how long it takes Sirius to figure out that Remus is obsessed with him as well.

“Can you help me make a list?”

“Sure,” James says. He tilts his head. “Of what?”

“Of like, conversation starters.”

“You need conversation prompts to talk with Remus?” James raises an eyebrow. Remus and Sirius literally don’t shut up.

“I need conversation prompts to talk about deep things with Remus.”

James starts laughing, and he can’t stop. “Deep things?”

“Oh, fuck off.”

Remus doesn’t sleep well the week before the full moon. James doesn’t sleep well, ever. They snuck out into the Forbidden Forest after Remus broke more quills than James could justify during their late-night library study session. 

“What do you think my animagus would be?” Remus asks as they are walking. “And don’t say a wolf because I will gouge your eyes out.”

James laughs. “I wasn’t going to. An eagle.”

“That’s cool.”

James shrugs. “You’re cool. It makes sense.”

“Sometimes I feel that it’s unfair to Sirius that I like him,” Remus says, and James knows that is what Remus wanted to say in the first place. “That’s a stupid thing to say. I’m sorry.”

James flicks Remus’ head. “Don’t apologize, you twat.”

Remus smiles. “You’re the twat.”

“And it is a stupid thing to say. How is it unfair?”

“You know what I mean.”

“No, I don’t. At all.” James shakes his head. He hates that Remus thinks that. If only he could put his two friends in a room and force them to say these things to each other. “Sirius is lucky that you like him. I wish you liked me instead. Screw that guy, come make out with me.”

Remus laughs. “I would totally make out with you. But the heart wants what it wants." Remus pauses. "The heart is a bitch.”

“Is it the hair?” James asks. “I can totally grow my hair out if you want. Did you know my dad has this whole hair business empire thing? And if it’s the eyes there are spells for that! It definitely isn't the music talent, right? He’s the worst person in the choir. And I’m better at Quidditch.”

Remus whistles. “You really are the whole package, Jamie.”

“Damn right!”

“It's the Sirius,” Remus says, then he groans. “Wow. That’s humiliating. I can’t believe I actually said that.”

James pats Remus’ back. “It happens in the best of families, I’m afraid.” Remus chuckles and James really hopes Remus and Sirius figure it out soon.

[shakespearean-dream]

TW!!! — blood, scarring and mild body horror ahead 🥲

benny’s turn!

before i start i wanna clarify i hesitated a bit on posting this because lovely mutual @vor-leser just posted his benny interpretation (go look at it and follow him btw), and idk if we like mind melded or smth but our human benny’s are super similar LOL. i damn near scrapped the whole thing out of fear someone would get mad at me but i Would Not be able to start over and get this done ever so this is as good as we’re gonna get. 😭 my apologies niko love u /p

this has been like a full 7 days in the making 😭😭 the art block that i felt coming on while doing ellen and ted hit me like an optimus prime sized semi truck this week along with a depressive episode so i definitely appreciate that happening and i am not upset about it at all! /s i’m totally good so don’t worry or anything /gen, mental health is just weird and i also wanted to explain the gap in my posts 😔

i do not know how to feel about this drawing if i’m so fr with you; i’m proud of myself for AM-ified benny cause i think i got the slowly rotting from the inside out primal freak energy down pretty good, but on the other hand this feels kinda empty?? i usually have a lot more commentary squished in here but i think my brain’s a little fried 🤦‍♂️ i love drawing me some beautiful buff men though so drawing normal ben was familiar territory. however his wack ass haircut i gave him is his punishment for being a PRICK!!! go sit in the corner and think about ur actions benjamin.

like ted n the rest of the sillies i’m not straying too far from canon with his personality, he’s an ass and a murderer and a hella smart dickhead who desperately needs to be punished by the universe (thank you for that one AM). hot take i did not like his “redemption arc” in his game scenario and i don’t think with how he was throughout the entirety of his life (and also throughout the game, main example his inner dialogue) he would actually go out of his way to help the kid because he means it??? n prove he changed to the guys he killed cause he means it??? i dunno maybe AM torturing him made him have a main character “omg i’ve been in the wrong this whole time!!1” moment like the game suggests i’m just not buying it 💀 i’m sure it’s just cause bennys scenario couldn’t be too long and they couldn’t fully flesh him out which i won’t fault the game makers for. i’m a steven universe fan, i know what time constrictions can do to a plot and redemption arc 😭 looking at you white diamond…

his wife n kids are up top and they’re kinda neat to me— i was considering the hc that part of the reason manya (his canon wife) left him is because she realized she was a lesbian which would be funny as fuck considering benny’s also One Of Them Queers 😭. i think during the brief times he was home and able to parent his daughters they got really scared and tired of him, one because he’s just a very threatening powerful and overbearing man, but also because i feel like he would’ve been on their ASS about everything. grades, extracurriculars, friends, wardrobe, this guy was micromanaging his family to an annoying extreme (ofc because of his perfectionist complex). he probably loved manya and the kids in his own weird way, but it was more contractual to him than any real personal relationship. maybe he inherited that from his own parents?? i doubt he ever talked to them after he moved out.

that’s about the end of my thoughts on this fucker. 🥲 funny storyyyy i just remembered i have laundry to finish so im gonna go do that, lord help me. thank you for reading all this if you did!!!!! we’re over halfway through so who do yall want next? wanna save AM or nimdok for last? i’ll see u guys later :]]]

[acoraxia]

sleepiness is clutching me like i am a weak victorian child ready to be claimed by the mother of death, the lady of hell, and i am welcoming it because i crave cold, unloving touches, before the canadian winds take me away in two days

my brain keeps thinking about Soul and Heart pacts in Gods Calamity and the side effects of being a vessel for a crowned bishop

like the effects of the crown are often explored but i think it’d be funny silly if you experienced the Horrors (tm) in which you go through multiple growth pains, your body decided to go through metamorphosis but then went “mm, nah, let’s go back i want a different form” and forced your body to go back to a silly little lamb, and also you CAN have children but the process will probably not be normal and you will regret making the decision because birthing a god is not a simple process and also your spouse is not even a cat he’s an eldritch abomination

Heart Pacts ensure that you are one with your bonded god/vessel and that’s gay as hell sure but i think it could drive someone insane to know what someone else is thinking about them all the time, everyday, of every week and every second. You feel their pain and they feel yours so you’re forced to be vulnerable and let your guard down and you know what they’re going to do when that happens. sometimes gods are Not the Best (see: greek, norse, etc. mythology) and they Will fuck you up and abuse this little heart pact. And sometimes they’ll corner you in your silly little lamb outfit and stare you down and you’ll wonder why your heart’s racing and when Narinder smiles you’re like Oh Fuck He Wants To Hunt and you have a 3 second window before he pounces.

Soul Pacts are weirdly funny to me because it could amount to nothing in the end if you just straight up die. ‘Vessel don’t die’ and then they die and you have to start from Zero just to regain all the lost progress you made with your funny little bird. Shamura why’d you pick a BIRD of all people come on bucko. And then you tell them if you die then they’ll become a god and they stare at you with the biggest, more disgusting eyes in the world and go ‘You Won’t Die :)’ and you don’t know how to fucking feel about it because What Do You Mean By That and they don’t elaborate and proceed to tell you love ballads in the form of scripture and you just have to live with that. You literally go This Alliance Could Be Broken if One Of Us Dies and they go Guess We’ll Defy Death Then :) and you’re mortified by their commitment (you totally don’t have commitment issues and this won’t be talked about in couple’s therapy)

And then there’s Leshy and the Fox engaging in mutual cannibalistic behavior

[catras-breakup-song]

i’m not gonna lie… i’m lost here. is this supposed to be an 4nt1/cr1t1c4l post? if so, i genuinely don’t understand the point being made.

is it that playful banter is a bad thing? is it that being too hands-on violates unspoken boundaries? the message is so unclear to my autistic ass…

oh, wait, OP provided tags:

so aside from the fact that they are absolutely not sisters by default, least of all canonically (even if you do interpret them that way somehow), nor was it ever intended by nate stevenson, i’m still having trouble figuring out how this is problematic.

in which ways is lighthearted touch totally contradictory to passionate kissing/caressing? why can’t partners who are dating do both, especially in different cultural environments such as the horde where intimacy is discouraged and friendly sparring with familiar peers is a safe expression? if it’s so different, what are we as the audience supposed to interpret from their style of physical affection by the final season? side note, but aren’t we supposed to consider the latest version of anything in general as the most accurate?

now i have a question lol, did you take this moment literally at her word, and all the other times she repeated it?

also, my friend just pointed out that this is the classic homophobic talking point of "they seem to just be very good friends! they were roommates!" lmao. i've never agreed with accusing anyone who cr1t1c1z3s catradora of lesbophobia, which i'm not doing necessarily, because that's simply not how it works, however i found this funny and partially true so i'm keeping it in.

the lip bite was included unintentionally 👀

anyway, as i’ve discussed on this blog before, i’m very arospec and it’s inseparably intwined with my identity itself; i also project that onto catra. something we often bring up in that community, is romance-favorability (as its own spectrum of range all the way to blatant repulsion btw) — which is a personal preference that’s defined as exactly as it sounds like and occasionally revolves around fictional depiction as separate from one's own reality — and arguably more importantly, amatonormativity — which is an arbitrary set of rules for romantic expectations set up by an alloromantic society. this is typically thought of as common denial of the idea that someone could actually want to separate themself from needing a life partner in marriage, but can very much be applied to an annoying list of what draws the line between romantic & platonic relationships. that line is very individualistic and is to be decided on such a level only, and it doesn’t even get into what queerplatonic means, a concept saved for another day!

my point is, the OP seems to be trying to claim that catradora objectively cannot be read as romantic because their dynamic growing up & early-on in the story doesn’t perfectly meet socially-constructed standards of what that should look like. i say we need to eradicate those standards altogether! it’s up to catradora to decide what they are, if anything specific at all, not us as the audience — assuming they could’ve had the words at their disposal to knowingly describe it. going back to my earlier paragraph above about how limited they were in the fright zone, i’ll borrow a quote from a comment i made on one of my recent reblogged posts (which is a great meta on how their mutual desire was uh... definitely not platonic):

"Catra and Adora’s desire for one another is shown in a variety of ways, mostly indirect. There are a lot of glances - until season 5, not the kind of open leering at one another that we’d seen between other characters. Mostly it’s fairly playful - wiggled or cocked eyebrows, glances at each other while smirking, that kind of thing, or really intense and somewhat angry glares when they’re fighting."

it's really bothering me that i can't recall where i read this from before, but someone analyzed before how, growing up, catra & adora didn't have a good sense of how to label their relationship with accurate terminology despite being subconsciously aware that they, whether they knew the other reciprocated or not, loved each other "like that." unfortunately, they couldn't further explore it because such love & affection was seen as a punishable weakness in the horde, so they resorted to the only safe option they seemed to have, which was subtle body language and play-fighting as [testudoaubrei-blog] described above.

also, since this screenshot is included in that post... i would be amused to read an explanation of how THIS LOOK from catra is "platonic with a capital P", because i'm not even sure if it's up for debate to be quite honest with you:

ESPECIALLY with the "i always have!" line (which 4nt1s like to doubt, but i don't care, it's official!):

[steddieunderdogfics]

This week’s writer spotlight feature is: @estrellami-1! Most of their works are on tumblr, but they have three on Archive of Our Own in the Stranger Things fandom. You can find all of their tumblr works here.

@finntheehumaneater recommends the following works by @estrellami-1:

If I Should Stay

(Push Away the) Lonely Times

Soft Touch Baby

I’m nominating them because they are just a delight to talk to, and such a creative writer. Honestly, the way they describe things is beautiful and I can see it so clearly in my head. Any character they write is written to PERFECTION. They’re one of my favorite tumblr mutuals…ever :) - finnthehumaneater

Below the cut, @estrellami-1 answered some questions about their writing process and some of their recommended work!

Why do you write Steddie?

Short, funny answer? Hyperfixation. Longer answer… it just works in a way I don’t see many pairings work. Maybe I’ve just got blinders on, I don’t know, but nothing about their canonical personalities have to change in order for them to be together.

What’s your favorite trope to READ?

This is like asking who my favorite kid is… I like SO many, it honestly might be easier to ask what I don’t like! I tend to like the softer things, though; hurt/comfort (emphasis on the comfort), found family, fluff, things like that. I’m a sucker for anything soft and slow, which @ghosttotheparty does an AMAZING job at.

What’s your favorite trope to WRITE?

Again, anything soft and sweet! I tend to read what I write and vice versa… though I’m also an avid smut reader, and I’ve only felt brave enough to try writing it more recently. I think writing smut isn’t really my thing, but I am glad to have tried, just to say I’ve done it. But hey, never say never; it could happen one day!

What’s your favorite Steddie fic?

I can’t possibly pick just one!! @pukner has some AMAZING things, specifically the two series off-script and always burning, world keeps turning. I’m also obsessed with anything by @ghosttotheparty, as stated earlier, and anything by the amazing @steddieas-shegoes.

Is there a trope you’re excited to explore in a future work but haven’t yet?

Honestly, probably 70% of what I write never sees the light of day. Not for lack of want, but because I lose inspiration halfway through. So with that being said, I think I’ve written all the tropes I’d like to; I just haven’t published all of them. Fingers crossed, though; I still have all those docs, and I do go back to them sometimes, so hopefully inspiration will strike again!

What is your writing process like?

In all honesty, I don’t really have one. I tend to start at the beginning and let the characters take over, which means even I am surprised by some of the things I write! One such example is the relationship between Steve and El in If I Should Stay. I never thought they’d get that close, but here we are!

Do you have any writing quirks?

Unless it’s considered a quirk to write alone in my room at night, in complete darkness, with only my phone screen for light… then no. I don’t think so. Although I have definitely noticed I make the faces the characters do, to make sure I’m describing the right thing! 😂

Do you prefer posting when you’ve finished writing or on a schedule?

Since most things I write never get posted… I honestly don’t know! Probably on a schedule, considering I’m not finished writing If I Should Stay yet, but I’m not super picky; nothing else I post is on any sort of schedule, though that may be just because I mainly post one-shots.

Which fic are you most proud of?

Honestly, it’s a tie between If I Should Stay and Falling. If I Should Stay because I never expected to stick with it this long—I’m working on part 61 right now—and I’m exploring a lot of things I haven’t before. Falling because to this day, nothing I’ve done has come out like that. It was effortless in a way I never expected it to be, in a way I’ve never experienced before, and I think the results speak for themselves; it’s one of my most-liked fics, clocking in at just over 4k notes on Tumblr and 6.6k hits on ao3, most of which happened in the first week of it being posted!

How did you get the idea for (Push Away The) Lonely Times?

In all honesty… I don’t remember. Probably a combination of “what if Steve had Good Parents” and “what if Steve and Eddie were childhood friends” Tumblr posts!

When writing If I Should Stay, what was something you didn’t expect?

Like I said earlier, Steve and El’s relationship was a surprise. As was Alli, actually; I had no plans for a sister, but then I saw a “Steve has younger-brother-to-a-sister-energy” Tumblr post, said, “you right,” and proceeded to write her into that very next part.

What inspired Soft Touch Baby?

I swear I’ve got the worst memory… I honestly don’t remember. It was one of my firsts, and at that point in time I hadn’t even seen the show yet, so I wasn’t super confident in the fic, but damn if I didn’t have the balls! Looking back on it now, it isn’t my favorite, but I think it’s important to know where you came from, if only to see that it’s not all in vain, that even I can see how much better I’ve gotten.

What was your favorite part to write from (Push Away The) Lonely Times?

Probably the entirety of parts 3 and 4. I love Jim and Hopper’s banter, and I love Jim’s internal monologue in 4 as he’s taking care of Steve. I love exploring characterizations like this!!

How do/did you feel writing Soft Touch Baby?

As I said earlier, I don’t love it now, but I do like it for the starting block it is. I do remember, though, while I was writing it, I was feeling so smug; I thought I was writing the equivalent of the goddamn Mona Lisa. Laughable, really, which is another reason I don’t delete/orphan it. It helps keep me humble, to an extent.

What was the most difficult part of writing If I Should Stay?

Honestly? Posting the first part. I thought it was a throwaway thing, something that came a dime a dozen, something that everyone and their mother had already written. I posted it far too late at night (or was it far too early in the morning?) because I decided I didn’t give a shit, and woke up to an overwhelmingly positive response. To this day, I’m blown away by the attention it got! My taglists hit 100 people in just 4 days!

Do you have a favorite scene and/or line from any of your fics?

Honestly, pretty much the entirely of Falling, and to a lesser extent, Because of You. In the former, it’s the whole Apollo/Dionysus banter, the way Eddie says Steve’s eyes are hazel and his hair has gold, the way he calls Steve sunshine boy, and the not to me, not if it’s you line. In the latter, it’s Steve saying, “…Because I trust you. I feel safe with you. I believe you’ll take care of me, because you’ve already proven you will.” I imagined him almost upset when saying this; louder than normal, very emotional, just trying to get Eddie to understand. It’s a very raw line, Steve’s being very open, and in the context of the fic, it’s kinda groundbreaking for him, and Eddie knows it.

Do you have any upcoming projects or fics you’d like to share/promote?

I think I’ve shared something about most of the ones I’m excited about… all of this will be after I finish writing If I Should Stay, but I have a fae!Steve fic that I’m working on, one where Steve goes deaf (very heartbreaking and emotional and real and so, so much love and family), and I’ve got a lavender prom idea I’m working on, in which Steve and Robin are Platonic soulmates, Steve has an unfortunate crush on Eddie, and Robin’s got an equally unfortunate crush on Vickie. It’s a No Upside-Down AU in which Steve decides to host the first(?) lavender prom at his house. It’s not called a lavender prom, obviously, but I do have something of an idea for a nod to the name. Here’s a snippet, if you want, because I actually am really excited about this one:

  Robin dramatically drapes herself over the foot of Steve’s bed and sighs. Dramatically. He quirks a brow, but otherwise doesn’t react, just keeps trying to focus on the same page he’s been trying to read for what feels like the past ten minutes.      She sighs dramatically again. Somehow it’s even louder than before.      He drops the book and looks heavenward for a moment. “What’s wrong?”      “Prom’s coming up.”      Steve’s nose wrinkles. It’s all anyone’s been talking about. “I know.”      “I’ll have to dance with a guy.”      “You don’t have to.”      “There are rumors, Steven. Rumors,” she hisses, rolling over to stare at him.      “Okay, so dance with a guy.”      “And what happens if he tries to make a move?”       “You reject him? Politely?”      “Steve.” She says his name like he’s an idiot. He’s used to it. “The entire reason for a girl to dance with a guy is because she likes him. I’ll be back at square one.”      Steve sighs, thinking. Truthfully, he isn’t really looking forward to prom, either. After his fall from the social totem pole, he puts a lot less stock in what people think of him, but even he has some societal norms to adhere to still. Societal norms like dancing with a girl when there’s a certain guy who’s been circling his mind instead.      “Okay,” he says, thinking. “Do you know anyone else who has the same problem?”      “Besides you? I can think of a couple of people.” The way she looks at him makes him think they’re thinking of the same person, and he’s suddenly struck once again with gratitude that she’s his friend.      “If you talk to him, I’ll talk to Vickie.”      “I will kiss you. Very platonically. On the forehead.”      He laughs. “Okay. I’m thinking, what if I host something here, the same night as prom?”      “I’m thinking there are a few people who would be really grateful.”      They share a smile with each other before Robin grabs the book. “Okay, where are you, I’ll read, you listen.”      “I love you,” he tells her seriously, moving to lay next to her and look at the page she’s looking at. He points to a section and she nods, tracing her finger down the lines as she reads.

Outside of these questions, Is there anything YOU would like to add?

A VERY big thank you to whoever nominated me!! And a great big thank-you-I-love-you to anyone who’s stuck with me and my writing thus far. I appreciate each and every one of you! ❤️ And, if you’re someone who’s waiting on me to answer an ask, I swear I haven’t forgotten! I’ll get to them all… eventually!

Thank you to our author, @estrellami-1, and our nominator, @finntheehumaneater! See more of @finntheehumaneater’s works featured on our page throughout the day!

Writer’s Spotlight is every Wednesday! Want to nominate an author? You can nominate them here!

[defendglobe]

mutual 1: moving in to my new place today! can’t wait to make new friends and ignore the lingering sense of dread!

mutual 2: HEEEEEEEEEEELP!!!!!!!!!

mutual 3: what if you were just minding your own business and then suddenly turned into an animal and all the other animals were talking to you. would that be fucked up or what?

mutual 4: well, i had a good cry and i’ve decided to leave my life of crime behind. deleting this account soon, dm for new blog!

mutual 5: i could beat you up. and i would if it weren’t for the Circumstances.

mutual 6: daily affirmation! just because i take on more than i can handle and need to be bailed out sometimes doesn’t mean i can’t achieve my dreams!

mutual 7: dude, can you imagine what i could do if i cloned myself? no, not like that you sickos! i could annoy so many people. i could be in two places at once. i would be un-fucking-stoppable.

mutual 8: i understand that you don’t want to be friends anymore but i don’t understand why you couldn’t just say it to my face instead of sending a message and then disappearing off the face of the earth. whatever. i guess i learned my lesson. there’s no point in trying to make friends if they’re just gonna treat you that way. //delete later //vague

mutual 9: if someone is infodumping about something they care about it’s rude to just fall asleep on the spot, even if it is a bit dry.

mutual 10: hahaha funny circles go brrrrrrr 🤪🤪

mutual 11: just in case you didn’t believe callout posts were dangerous: someone thought i was going to hurt them when i really just wanted to help! all because of a false accusation. :(

mutual 12: SMASHING AND KILLING AND VIOLENCE AND GORE

mutual 13: did i escape from the secret prison today? day 136 - no.

mutual 14:

mutual 15: *loading a pistol and getting back in the portal* worlds ending.

mutual 16: i am crying.

[heartbreakslow]

1x05

"Only serial killers take it slow, Amerie, grow up!"

Disclaimer because of how this fandom is: I’m not going to spend any time explaining why Darren's behavior is wrong. You should already know that. The show frames it as wrong. Cash is mad. In a usually very fast-paced show, making up takes 3 episodes of Darren reaching out and apologizing and committing to behave in a different way. Repairing what Darren did in ep 5 takes MORE episodes (6-8) than establishing their friendship/mutual interest (3-4).

I'm not interested in why it's wrong, I'm interested in why they do it and how they change.

Somebody forgot that Cash is supposed to have a black eye because it magically disappeared overnight.

From a distance, we see Darren and Cash walking toward Darren's house as the sun comes up the next morning. They've obviously been walking around and talking all night. Darren asks Cash to come in but he says he has to go. They start pretending to jerk off the giant paper mache dick and I think they’re trying to be seductive? Lol

Cash impulsively charges them and the two of them start making out. Then he jumps back and they both awkwardly wipe their mouths and separate. Darren is super turned on and rushes to their room to jerk off.

At school, Darren’s looking around for Cash and Amerie teases them about “dating the most probbo guy in school.” Darren says, “he’s not probbo—sure he deals drugs, but who doesn’t?”

At the assembly, Cash looks at Darren who is already looking at him and makes fake-mad faces at him, making him laugh.

In SLTs class, Darren is talking about how gay porn doesn’t depict bottoming in a realistic way (with undertones of "look how experienced I am!"). It's appropriate for the class, but they’re being pretty explicit, and Spider starts laughing. Darren immediately confronts him and accuses him of being closeted. Spider says “you wish” and Darren laughs mockingly. Cash has been watching with a neutral expression. Darren makes eye contact with Cash and Cash drops his eyes. Darren’s laugh disappears and they look worried.

Later, Darren is in a bad mood and complains to their friends that they're "getting mixed signals," by which they mean that Cash kissed them but “it should have been more and it wasn’t.” Amerie suggests that Cash wants to take it slow and Darren is horrified: "Only serial killers take it slow, Amerie, grow up!" They complain that they're horny. Quinni suggests talking to Cash and asking him on a date, which sets Darren off again: "No, no, I just got a cold shiver up my spine!" Pretty soon Amerie is hyping them up to try and seduce Cash at school, while Quinni disapproves.

Darren gets Cash to come around a corner by throwing trash out into the hall. Before they can do anything he asks them to hang out that night and they agree (no cold shivers in sight).

That night, Darren knocks on Cash’s door and Cash immediately starts apologizing because his nan is forcing the two of them to drive her to game night.

Nan: How do you two know each other?

Cash: School.

Darren: Work.

(Because Darren just got to know Cash recently when they started working at Harry’s, but that’s not how Cash thinks of it!)

The game night turns out to be Nan and her friends playing poker in the back of a closed-down casino while she orders Cash to make her cocktails at the bar. He tries to leave but Darren finds the situation funny and gangs up on him with Nan. Darren pretends to be bad at poker to make friends with the old people, and flirts with Nan’s gay friend George.

This is one of the only times we see Darren interact with another gay guy (asterisk) and they’re really cute with George. They ask him about his love life and he starts telling them about his former partner Teddy. Darren says warmly, “well, you were very lucky to have each other, even if it was only for a little while.” Cash is watching them adoringly, which Nan notices. Cash notices her noticing and is flustered.

Afterwards, Cash drives Darren home and apologizes that the date was ruined. Darren: “So it WAS a date! ...that’s cool.”

They start kissing him. The two of them kiss for a moment, presumably Darren tries to get handsy, and then they see that Cash looks uncomfortable and scared. He looks at them intensely and opens his mouth like he’s trying to say something but can’t.

Darren says "see you at school" and leaves in a hurry. We see their face and they’re obviously shaken. They glance back at him as they rush up to their house. We see Cash inside the car and he hits the steering wheel in frustration.

Cut to Darren venting to Quinni and Sasha that Cash “chickened out” when they were going to have sex. Quinni says “maybe he had to go home” and Darren counters that sex doesn’t take that long.

Sasha encourages Darren to send Cash a nude, which sends Darren into a self-flagellating frenzy for not having thought of this before. “This isn’t me! I’m being a frigid little bitch!” They immediately get the girls to go to the costume closet so they can “take the most fucked good nude in history.”

After dressing up in costumes, the three of them do a photoshoot which yields a very artistic nude. Darren anxiously sends it to Cash and in the text chain we see that Cash and Darren are texting each other good morning and sending kissing emojis like simps! But Cash keeps typing a response to the nude and never sends, and Darren is not happy: “I feel sick. He’s dead to me.”

We see Cash sitting in class, leaning his face into his fist, while Darren ignores him. I personally do not think this was Cash’s secret but for completionism’s sake, we  focus on Cash while Harper reads the secret, “I need to know the person properly before I have sex with them.”

Cash is at home with Nan who’s preparing to go on a date. She encourages him to invite Darren over and he says, “I think I cooked it.” She says, “Uncook it!”

She leaves and Cash looks at Darren’s nude anxiously. Then a hilariously weird song, “Working Out” by Donny Benet, starts to play. It’s paired with a montage of Cash trying very hard to take a sexy picture and failing. Finally, he accidentally calls Darren while studying their nude. He hangs up, but they call him back. After a minor freakout, Cash finally answers the phone and invites them over. True heads will notice he’s stammering.

Darren knocks on the door and Cash has changed into what he thinks is a cool outfit.

Darren: Do you bring all your victims here?

Cash: Only the hot ones.

Then he gets self-conscious about his messy room and runs around like Gollum trying to clean up his dirty dishes.

Darren laughs at him and Cash is hurt: “Don’t laugh at me!” Darren reassures him that they’re laughing because he looks cute, which placates him.

Darren freaks out about Cash’s pet duck, Darude, which is just hanging out in the room. Then they start looking through Cash’s records and after finding one by Sylvester, they exclaim, “Cash, you’re gay as fuck!”

Shit-eating grin from Cash.

Darren puts the record on and asks why Cash didn’t respond to their nude, even to give a thumbs up or thumbs down. Cash apologizes and says it was a “major thumbs up.” Quick pleased smile from Darren; then they say coolly, “I know.”

Cash explains he’s never taken or been sent a nude before.

Darren: Maybe you really are a serial killer.

Cash: Nothing that exciting. I’m just…that guy.

Now they’re sitting on the bed together. Cash shows Darren the nudes he took. Darren tries to fake appreciation but then admits they’re horrible pictures.

Cash: I don’t know how you took such a good photo! It was, like, professional quality!

Darren: Oh, I barely even tried.

The two of them eye each other and Darren says “I’m going to kiss you” and kisses Cash, pushing him onto his back as the music gets loud. Then the music stops as Cash puts his hands up defensively and says, “Can we just stay here, in this moment? Is that okay? Will you stay tonight?”

Darren agrees. They lie on their back, pulling him onto their chest and petting his hair. He snuggles into their chest, mumbling about how he’s tired. Darren looks frustrated.

The next morning, we see the cuddling has progressed to holding each other in their underwear. Darren wakes up and notices that Cash has morning wood. They start kissing him and apparently try to give him a handjob, at which point Cash wakes up and says very firmly and unambiguously, “Darren, stop. I don’t want that right now.” He has his hands up defensively again and when he says “that” he kind of gestures toward his crotch in distaste.

Darren finally takes in that Cash doesn’t want to have sex. They say, gutted, “you don’t want me.”

"It's not like that," Cash says. "I'm not like you...I know what you want...I'm just not wired that way.” Darren immediately gets mad--"What the fuck is this? I'm beginning to think you're just like everyone else...you're just a f- who doesn’t want to be a f- and you're taking it out on me."

Darren quickly puts their dress back on and the two of them yell their parting shots to each other as Darren stands in the doorway--

Cash: I'm not using you! I just need some time! And maybe a bit of fucking patience!

Darren: I've been patient! And really understanding, and really fucking nice to you! But I'm done. There might be something really fucking wrong with you, Cash. Use someone else to figure it out!

Cash: Well fuck you then! 

Darren storms out. They walk down the street half dressed, rubbing their chest and crying.

Thoughts:

So like, was Darude watching all that?

Anyway, what Darren’s behavior says about them is fascinating and you can almost see their brain breaking in real time.

As I mentioned in the first episode, Darren vacillates between overconfidence and insecurity. They are maybe the most teenage of the characters in that they are trying so hard to project a cool persona and the difference between their intended persona vs. reality can get REALLY cringe.

This is exemplified in their relationship to sex and dating. They’ve experienced a lot of rejection in their life, and of course they want love and acceptance like anyone else does. But they don’t want to want that. They want to be a cool sexy person who has casual NSA sex.

The storyline keeps getting funnier until it stops being funny at all. But when you watch it back, it’s sad from the beginning. Just the fact that Darren says, “I’m being a frigid little bitch! This isn’t me!” because they were earnestly having fun with the guy they like, instead of planning how to seduce him…that’s so sad!

I point out the “cold shiver” thing because there’s a gap between the person Darren wants to be (cool NSA sexbot, destroyer of straight boys) and the fact that they’re enjoying dating Cash, who is queer and gets along with them as a person. They basically refer to Cash as straight in 1x04! When not only has Cash indicated that he’s queer, but Darren looked so *happy* when he confirmed he was queer and was straightforward about his interest in them.

Darren has so thoroughly given up on being loved (by the world, by their parents, by partners) that they actively push their hookups away by doing stuff like stealing from them. But when Cash comes around and is clearly interested in dating/friendship, not just sex…they’re happy!  They just can't admit they want the same thing.

They can’t ask him on a date! Cold shiver! But they agree when he asks them. They’re smug when he calls it a date. They push him to stay at Nan’s game night (hanging out with his grandma is not very NSA, is it?) instead of trying to get him alone. And their conversation with George, omg. Instead of seeing the armor they have up when interacting with straight guys, we see this sweet queer kid who wants to hear about queer adult relationships. Who ironically seems more grown up than they do when they’re trying to be grown up.

Sure, they get frustrated by making out, but they’ll live. The “switch” to being in a bad mood seems to happen when they’re trying to be sexy and cool in SLTs class and Cash doesn’t react. Are they not hot? Are they not good enough? They start trying to seek the immediate gratification that will make them feel safe and in control.

As is often the case, we see iterations of the same thing—Darren amping themself up into a higher and higher key. They're used to interacting with guys one way and they can't orient to this new situation. They can't see what Cash is communicating. They can just hear their own anxiety that things aren’t progressing the “right” way and it must be because Darren is doing something wrong.

It's not about being horny. It's about Darren's idea that they have one thing everybody wants, and if Cash doesn't want that, they have nothing. After the poker date, Darren doesn't look sexually frustrated--they look like they're going to cry. They do cry at the end, rubbing their chest in the spot where Cash was nuzzling them the night before.

This is probably a weird take, but I love this aspect of their relationship. Cash breaks Darren because they can't relate to him in the transactional way they do with other guys. He forces them out of their established worldview.

Okay, just a couple more things:

1. Darren should have listened to Quinni!! This isn't Quinni Watch but one of my fave details of the show is how Quinni is one of the most insightful characters, but her perspective gets ignored because she's not assertive—being loud can be more important than being right. Excited to see how she develops in s3.

2. It feels like there’s this projection (both by Darren and surprisingly by several reactors I’ve watched!) that Cash is inexperienced with male/nb partners, presumably just because he’s masc and shy. Cash repeatedly says things that contradict this. Darren basically calls him a straight guy in the previous ep despite him having implied he’d been with guys. So Darren seems to be working from this playbook of “he wants to but he’s nervous.” They stop when he asks/indicates he wants to stop, they verbally tell him they're going to kiss him...they're just totally off in their understanding of what's going on.

3. I always thought Darren's accusations in the last scene were totally out of the blue, but on this watch, I notice that what Cash said in the last scene *could* be misinterpreted. It’s obvious if you know what he actually means, but he frames it as “I’m not like you”/“I don’t want what you want," which might come off as "I'm not queer." It seems like Darren has a lot of baggage around guys keeping them a secret or using them as an experiment. So there is some twisted logic to their reaction, I guess?

4. "He says he came out of my daughter" = fits with Nan meeting Cash as an older kid once his mom is already in prison. Though it could just be a joke ofc.

Idk, anything else? I could talk about this episode forever.

[book-pirate]

Astarion x Tav, because the Baldur's Gate brain rot is real. Sorry to my beloved mutuals who have no idea what I'm on about!!! I don't know either!!!!!!

tripping over my own heart AO3

“I do not wish to sour our friendship, but I have to know if it can be something more.”

Tav is maybe not the best judge of when people are trying to flirt with her. It’s funny, really, because she can sniff out bullshit from a mile away, and her gut hasn’t been wrong once on their absolutely insane journey. There are a million excuses she could use, to try and explain why in this one facet of social interaction she fails, but the simple truth is it just doesn’t occur to her that someone might be in to her.

Especially Halsin.

Without thinking, she blurts out, “I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t interested,” realizes how that sounds, and then continues with a cringe, “but I’m already in a relationship.”

Which should not be news to you! she stops herself from saying.

Part of her expects it to end the conversation, but he keeps talking, about bonds and souls and gardens and nature. She has to actively fight herself to remain calm, have her face stay open and friendly instead of running to Shadowheart and asking how she might voluntarily give up the memory of this interaction ever happening.

There’s a snicker in her head that sounds suspiciously like her friend’s as she finally extracts herself from the conversation with a polite, “I’m sorry, Halsin.”

He seems to understand and doesn’t hold it against her, maintaining his smile, even if it’s a touch bittersweet as she walks away. Her gait is steady and casual as she walks to the edge of the camp, avoiding eye contact as she focuses on her footing on the path towards the small river they’d managed to find. After all, she had been on the way to wash up when Halsin had asked to chat. Something she is very much Not Thinking About It.

Until she dips her toes in the river, peeling off her clothing with care. She can’t wait to do laundry in the city, and have a proper bath in something that isn’t a natural body of water. As a druid, she loves being outdoors, but a hot bath is incomparable. Even Halsin -

The thought of him stops her cold, and suddenly she finds herself giggling, grabbing at her soap as she wades further into the river. That makes what, five of her eight traveling companions that have blatantly come on to her? The girls back home would never believe it. Homely little Tav, suddenly finds herself with a string of suitors. All it took was a tadpole eating away at her brain.

The general lack of attention she’d received her entire life are probably why it always takes her by surprise when someone admits to wanting her. She’s no blushing virgin, but rarely has she ever been so desired. Maybe that’s why she wasn’t surprised when Astarion admitted his plan, felt something like sick acceptance in her stomach. No, the surprise came after, when he told her he genuinely cared for her.

She’d been prepared to take her own feelings to the grave, accepting that she’d share Astarion’s bedroll, or grassy clearing, until he decided he was done. The man flirted with everyone, and she’d assumed it’d been lack of choice that lead him to her. Instead, they’d fallen into something deeper, scaring both of them.

It’s not easy, by any means, but by pushing sex off the table and getting more comfortable with platonic touches, they’re growing into something she feels like might be big. Even rest-of-her-life big. Which is another shock, in and of itself.

“And what has you so lost in thought, my dear?”

She stifles a shriek as she whirls around, inadvertently splashing an amused-looking Astarion as he wades closer. “You startled me!”

He grins as he pries the bar of soap from her pruney fingers. “Apologies, my love, but I did say hello. It’s hardly my fault you were miles away and didn’t hear me.”

“I don’t believe I was done with that.”

“No?” he asks, all faux innocence as he scrubs at his torso. “You’ve been in the water for nearly a quarter of an hour now, so I merely assumed you were just -”

“Relaxing?” She hums as she takes the soap from him and starts to scrub at his back, mindful of the scars. Part of her feels like she should be attempting to cover her nudity, but another, much larger part, reveled in the intimacy born of just simply being with him. “I meant for just a quick wash, since we’re going to be in the city proper tomorrow. I don’t want to show up looking like we’ve just spent the last tenday hiking.”

“I cannot agree more, darling. Mustn’t have the locals mistaking us for goblins, covered in muck and grime and speaking in mono-syllables.”

She laughs at the image he paints. “As if anyone could mistake you for such a creature.”

Preening, he says, “Yes, well, unfortunately for our little group not everyone can be as blessed as I. In fact, our first order of business should be getting Gale to a barber, as soon as possible.”

The chatter about being in the city again occupies them while they finish cleaning up, and Tav doesn’t think about anything other than the excitement of the new day until Astarion gives the braid he just finished helping her put her hair into a little tug. “You never answered my question, you know.”

She tips her head back to lean on his chest, blinking up into his face. “What question?”

A perfectly manicured eyebrow arches up. “Why you were so lost in thought, my dear.”

“Oh. Oh,” she says, scooting forward just enough to turn around to look at him properly, knelt in the grass with a curious look on his face. “You wouldn’t believe the conversation I had with Halsin on my way here -”

To her surprise, he erupts in laughter, interrupting her. “I was wondering when we were going to talk about this.”

Her eyes go wide as she feels her face heat. “How could you tell?”

“I guessed. The man can’t stay quiet about ‘enjoying the freedom of Nature’s gifts’.” She can’t help but laugh at his Halsin impression as he continues, “I bet he’d outlaw clothing if he could.”

The mental image has her covering her face with a groan. “Astarion!”

“It’s perfectly natural, after all, darling, no need to be shy.” His long, slender fingers gently pry her hands away so he can meet her gaze. “So, what did you say?”

The question has her freezing, mind stopping and restarting. “I’m sorry, what?”

“What did you say?” he asks again, somewhat impatiently. “I’m on the edge of my seat.”

“What?” she splutters, “I said no, of course! I’m with you, if you hadn’t noticed.”

“Strangely enough, I had,” he says, drily. “I would be more than happy to let you have as much Halsin as you want, you know. Don’t stop yourself on my account.”

Something in the air has changed, she thinks, his fingers still wrapped around her wrists as her hands hang between them. His face is open, and she doesn’t think he’s lying, but -

“If I’m understanding you correctly,” she tells him, slowly, “you don’t mind if Halsin and I have a tumble.”

She thinks annoyance flashes across his face before he can smooth it out again, but his voice is still even as he answers, “Far be it from me to deny you such pleasures. I would just, that is…”

The silence stretches long enough that she feels comfortable breaking it. Shifting so she’s closer to him, she prods him, “Yes?”

“It’s not because, you know, we haven’t, in a while?”

And there it is, the missing piece she was searching for. He’s worried.

She sighs, and gently tugs her hands out of his grip. His expression only shifts to concern for a moment before she slides into his lap, pushing him more securely onto his bottom so she can wrap her legs around his waist without fear of knocking him off-balance. “Astarion,” she murmurs, into his collarbone, “my silly goose.”

He’s somewhat stiff in her hold, but he hesitatingly brings his arms around her. “I’m not sure what I’ve done to be insulted, my love. Perhaps you can explain.”

Pressing a quick kiss to the underside of his jaw, she leans back far enough to meet his eyes, those wonderfully dark eyes that she wants to sink and drown in. “It’s a term of endearment, you silly man. I think there’s been some confusion here.”

Some of the worry leaves his face, but not all. “Pray tell, then, what the confusion is, for I admit to being lost.”

“I don’t want Halsin. I was flattered by his offer, in all honesty, but I don’t want him. I want you.”

His brow wrinkles. “You would still have me.”

“I’m a selfish creature, at heart, you know. For all of the grief and whinging you gave me about wanting to help people, there are certain things I cannot share. You are one of them.”

“But Halsin wasn’t asking about me he was asking -”

It's crude, but she doesn't know how else to get through to him, so she risks saying, “And you’re telling me that you would be completely fine with his hands on my skin? His mouth on me? His fingers and cock inside of me?”

A shudder passes through him that has her clutching him tightly. Caught out in his half-lie, he buries his face in her hair, finally squeezing her back. They’re quiet for a moment, and she strokes his curls the way she knows he likes, waiting for him, always waiting for him to be ready. She would wait forever if it meant waiting like this, wrapped up in him.

“No,” he finally says, voice rough, “no, I couldn’t stand it. But I don’t want you to regret being with me when I can’t, that is, I’m not capable of giving you all you need. If someone else is willing -”

“You are all I need, my love.” She smiles up at him, willing him to see the truth in her eyes. “It’s true, I miss being close to you, skin-to-skin with nothing separating us. But that ache is nothing compared to the joy and happiness I gain holding you through the night, holding your hand when we think nobody is watching, or even if they are. The kisses you greet me with and send me off with, our conversations, the way I can just be around you. That’s what I need. What I don’t need is someone else’s arms to help me find pleasure I’m perfectly capable of finding on my own.”

“You,” his voice is emotional, and he has to clear his throat before continuing, “you really mean that, don’t you?”

“When we agreed that this would be real, whatever it is between us, we agreed we would be honest, truly honest. I know it’s difficult at times, but it’s necessary, for this to work. I need you to be honest with me about how you feel, so we can talk about it. I might just surprise you.”

“Oh, that I know for certain,” he murmurs, tipping her onto her back so he can press soft kisses to her face. “You are so full of them.”

She hums moving her face gently so he doesn’t miss a single inch, a wide smile stretching her lips. “So, no Halsin.”

“No Halsin,” he agrees, before leaning down and capturing her lips for a slow and dirty kiss. The way his tongue slips past hers, flicks at it, draws a moan out of her throat. The sound must satisfy him, because he leans back with a wicked grin. “Now, darling, I just have one more bone to pick with you.”

She snorts. “And what might that be?”

“You naughty little thing, pleasuring yourself without me. I want to hear all about it.”

It’s not really a joke, but it makes her laugh anyway, hands covering her face once more. “Astarion!”

“But maybe not tonight, hmm?” he continues, gently prying her hands away so she can see the hungry smile on his face. “After all, we are very close to having privacy again, with four walls, a roof…”

“A bed,” she finishes for him, but she has a worried frown on her face. “Whatever you want, my love. If you want to hear about my solitary adventures, I will be more than happy to share. As long as you’re comfortable.”

The smile sharpens. “Oh, my dear, I think a step like this is exactly what I want.”

Later, when they’re tucked into what’s become their bedroll, with her curled up on his chest after a few stolen kisses, all she can do is hope the Emperor has the good sense to leave her alone this night. She has a feeling her dreams will be full of Astarion, and she doesn’t want to be interrupted.

Or share.

[cementcornfield]

I can't tell if jamarr exaggerates his stories to an extreme amount or if joe justhas to constantly tell him to chill haha. but based on tee confirming that jamarr does buy joe clothes ocassionally and he did buy him a chain - im going to say joe just likes privacy lol

ALWAYS THRILLED TO BE ASKED ABOUT UNRELIABLE NARRATOR JA’MARR!!!

more under the cut because literally i could talk about this all day and i don’t need to subject anyone to that. 

Honestly I think it’s a combination of both? Ja’Marr exaggerates, says one thing then immediately another contradicting thing, doesn’t seem to have much of a filter, however you want to categorize it. Which I think is such a funny contrast to Joe - who is (almost) always very careful about how he expresses himself and how he wants to be portrayed. 

The “Ja’Marr Buys Joe Clothes Except No He Doesn’t Except Wait He Definitely Does” saga is probably my favorite thing in the world because what on earth is ANYONE talking about in this situation. Like, first Ja’Marr claims in the GQ interview:

"Joe literally won’t buy his own clothes. He always asks me to shop for him and drop it off at the house.” 

Which is almost definitely an exaggeration. I am sure Joe buys plenty of his own clothes (although loving the idea of Ja’Marr literally filling Joe’s closet with things he thinks he’ll like). 

And then, bringing it up completely unprompted in an interview a week later he says that actually that was “kinda” a lie, and that he hasn’t bought Joe anything but dinner - although now he’ll “have to [buy joe clothes] since that’s out now”. like ?????? First of all just because you “kinda lied” about buying Joe clothes does not mean that you now have to actually buy him clothes? And why did you lie about it in the first place? How badly do you want to buy this man clothes??? 🤨🤨🤨

So we spent the rest of the season completely confused about this story but just kind of accepting that Ja’Marr just says shit sometimes, who knows… and THEN in a groundbreaking (to me) interview with Tee, we learn that actually Ja’Marr has in fact bought Joe clothes: 

“Chase definitely gets Joe right. I’ve seen him buy clothes for Joe multiple times.” 

MULTIPLE TIMES??? and Tee has seen it for himself?? Which at this point means that Ja’Marr has now potentially lied about lying about buying Joe clothes?? For what purpose??? 

I have imagined and talked with beloved mutuals about what could be going on in this situation, presented here with varying levels of realism and hilarity: 

Ja’Marr has never bought Joe clothes and all the receivers are in on a big joke where they’re claiming that Ja’Marr buys Joe clothes just to fuck with him. Because it’s funny and why not.

Ja’Marr hadn’t bought Joe clothes before the interview, but had been planning on doing it and was so excited by the idea that he got ahead of himself and told GQ he was already doing it. And then “since it was out there” he had an excuse to start buying Joe clothes, with Tee as a witness. 

Finally back to the point of your ask (so sorry for all my rambling) and probably the most likely scenario - Ja’Marr tends to exaggerate and Joe tends to value his privacy. 

What I imagine is this, Ja’Marr has probably bought Joe clothes a few times. We already know that he’s bought him grills and he mentioned in a few interviews last season that he had bought Joe some pants. And probably a few more instances we don’t have details on. The man likes fashion and he likes Joe and it seems like he has a gift giving love language! He probably got excited and exaggerated a bit in the GQ interview because again, I’m sure Joe does not “always” ask Ja’Marr to shop for him lmao. And I wonder if the exaggeration is the part that Joe took exception to (if he even did! Joe’s never said anything about any of this! all we have is Ja’Marr’s word which we can NOT trust) - Joe likely doesn’t want the whole world thinking Ja’Marr buys ALL his clothes, he likes fashion too and I’m sure puts a lot of work into those game day outfits, even if Ja’Marr does help out sometimes. Plus he really doesn’t like sharing details about his relationships, even one as public as his friendship with Ja’Marr. (All he says is that he’s one of his best friends and they hang out all the time, Ja’Marr is the one giving details about UFC moves and going to Vegas together and keeping his stuff at his place etc etc). 

Joe likely gave Ja’Marr shit for how he phrased it and honestly sharing it with the world at all. Plus!!! I am always thinking about the timing of the article, coming out right when Joe’s appendix burst. I bet Ja’Marr was worried about his friend, felt bad about sharing some exaggerated details of their relationship, and simply decided to take ALL of it back. Because again, he really seems to only operate in extremes. So to make Joe feel better, instead of just clarifying his quote, he just decided to say ‘nope, sorry, that was a lie, never bought that man clothes in my life 😊' while Tee was probably at his locker listening to the interview like 🤨???

Anyway. that’s WAY TOO MANY words to answer your ask but please know I so appreciated getting it. Any excuse to ramble about these two as you can see!! 

[beautifulpersonpeach]

I think ���insecure Jikooker” used to be someone who believed that something was wrong with Jikook if they would go even like a single BTB without interacting, or whenever there was a period of time we didn’t get any Jikook-ing. They would often go to Jikook blogs basically looking for reassurance that everything was fine between Jikook, or bring them TKKR narratives to disprove because they were letting them get under their skin. But now a lot of JKKRs are using it kind of like a buzzword. Any time there’s a JKKR who has some doubts about the nature of their relationship, or any kind of skeptical opinion that doesn't go with the masses, a lot of JKKRs will just label them as an “insecure JKKR” to invalidate their opinion and shut them down without engaging with their opinions at all. Or they accuse them of being a “TKKR in disguise”. I think it’s fine if you don’t want to engage with negative opinions because for a lot of people shipping is just a fun thing, but it’s starting to feel even more cult like and overused (and notice how aggressive a lot of JKKRs are towards "insecure JKKRs"...). It’s never a good idea to put yourself in an echo chamber and reject and label every person who disagrees with you...

***

Ah, see, this lines up more with what I suspected. Thanks for taking the time to write it. In the last couple of months I’ve seen that term in a few places, none of which fully made sense to me so I just had to ask before answering that first question, to be sure when Anon talked about “insecure jikooker”, that we were talking about the same thing. But I guess as with all things on the internet, words lose meaning or the meaning of certain words evolve faster than their applications.

Anon in the OG ask, if you’re reading this, bearing in mind an insecure jikooker is someone who isn’t sure jikook is a married/dating couple *and then* goes around pestering people for constant affirmation… no, I don’t support insecure jikookers.

They’re kind of annoying.

I mean, I don’t know if jikook are dating or married, as I’ve said before. I don’t actually know the exact nature of jikook’s relationship. I just think they’re sus, I know Jungkook loves Jimin and it’s mutual, and I seek out their interactions because seeing them happy makes me happy. I also hang out with other jikookers on Tumblr because jokers are actually funny and they like jikook too.

But if you’ve pegged your sanity on the certainty of two men you don’t know frotting somewhere in Seoul and badger other people to tell you that is happening for a fact… you’ve got to admit you’re being ridiculous.

I don’t think insecure jikookers “harm” jikook but they do ratchet up hysteria and anxiety in jikook spaces for no good reason. Discourse over whether or not jikook is together or broken up is sometimes entertaining and informative to read, and honestly also healthy for people who do keep up with the Jeon Parks and BTS as a whole, to engage in. But it’s just douchey to harass other people to feel some type of way about a pairing nobody this side of the internet knows personally.

[erensfeed]

⤷ general rules

— ૮ ◞ ﻌ ◟ ა aww shi yappin strict nunu incoming LMAOO

aa okay okay *claps* alrighty. let’s do this.

so !

do not interact at all if you are racist, xenophobic, hatefully anti-God, ableist & homophobic or hate a group of innocent people.

do not interact nor try to be my friend if you are genuinely full of pure hatred for humans or are depressing (like, pessimistic af) and don’t want to help help yourself.

do not interact if you can’t take jokes. especially when i jokingly call characters like mahito from jjk hot. even though he deadass is fine asf LOLZ

now, as much as i loove getting spam liked and understand the motive behind spam liking, i heard it actually shadow-bans blogs on tumblr. and we wouldn’t want that now, would we. but ! an alternative i’d appreciate a lot more, is mass reblogging while you’re spam liking !! yayyy so much kinder riighht c;

in other words: i don’t wanna sound like a party pooper but really, don’t spam like ;c i’d have to count 4 or more constant liking without any reblogs / comments, as spam like. and that would result in me hiding my stuff from you in a not so nice way with the not so nice sounding (block) button.

speaking of that, if you don’t like me or any of what i post, feel free to poke that block button. and if you want to end a mutual bond, rather than keeping me as a follower still, you can also block me (typing this with tears in my eyes btw)

but that aside.

yes, anyone under 18, that’s a teenager, can follow me and be my friend bc i’m mostly sfw.

but just don’t interact: with anything nsfw on my blog. and i better not catch you commenting on nor reading them either. this includes mild nsfw stuff. you may interact with all sfw work. and don’t worry because there’ll be tags letting you know beforehand to differentiate. if you disobey me, that not so nice button would be used on you. if you accidentally liked a post or forgot to unlike, i’d give you two chances before anything. and also, please make sure to have your age on your blog too. otherwise, blocked.

me saying allat knowing very well i js turned 18 LMAOOO.

but hey really no interacting w any bad grown up stuff. or else.. bad things. >:c

got it? great.

⤷ inbox rules:

— i literally love every one of you so don’t be shy to talk to meee. literally about anything. and don’t be shy to ask me questions or put your pretty little thoughts out there. this is a safe space for every and anyone !! so there’s barely any rules from me here. but do be aware that:

even though you can also vent to me, i would prefer u to message me privately instead, to protect your business okay?

and of couurrsee you can still talk and ask me about anything. EXCEPT anything related to politics because oo girl. i’m so sorry yall but let’s leave the political views outside this club okay.

you should not attack writers in my inbox because that’s really awful and mean and i would never encourage it :c … UNLESS they’re one of those writers. like yk. like ONE OF THOSE. you’d know what i mean if you know. *clears throat* copycats + multi pro - shippers despite age / sexuality differences between characters. i wouldn’t respond publicly though, id just laugh with you (in text as a moot or in my head if you’re anon) and move on.

you’re totally free to attack or hate any of the characters i like and i will literally accept and understand your reason, all while slightly defending them at the same time too in a nice way bc now cmon now.

you’re even more free to be a char-anon as well bc omggg i love thoseee. they’re so cute and funny. so pls hmu if u can be eren, megumi, inumaki, geto, rafayel, xavier & caleb especially !!

if you’re 18-20+, you can literally flirt all you want in my inbox. anonymously or not. and it wouldn’t ever make me uncomfortable because right back at ya hello. (yes im straight but listen i could flirt too ladies and non ladies / gents. listen im here for yall and i love people ….)

now if you’re < 18, i don’t wanna see no flirting from you. NADA. you hear me ?!

but, if you’re 16+ (mostly a writer for shared fandoms), feel free to ask to be mutuals !! bruh i’ll literally follow you faster than the speed of light.

finally, to add on to the second bullet point, if you asked me a question i was ever uncomfortable (that’ll rarely happen really), i wouldn’t put you on the spot. the only thing is i probably wouldn’t respond to it for private reasons if it was tooo personal (ie. location, body count, school and all those private stuff like ykyk. you’d know. wouldn’t mind questions ab dating life tho ofc.) especially if we weren’t buddi buddies / close mutuals and you’re asking anonymously.

🫧 request rules:

— my request box are ALWAYS opened so don’t be scared to ask away lawwd. but before you do, please read what i would write / not write in the next section below okay? knew you’d understand. thank you my sweet ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ

that being said, don’t be scared to also put your mind out and your sweet & spicy requests regardless. but just keep in mind that:

i don’t write nsfw fics about any character that’s not canonically aged up. i write fluff for them though bc some of us grew up with the characters being older than us.

that’s it. LMAO.

that’s really the only rule. (mentioned it in the section below too)

wouldn’t block + dislike you if you like | asked me for it tho

i just don’t do that since i don’t believe in ageing them up if we’re not the original (manga) creator.

to add, im kinda slow i think. LMAOOO. so when asking, please please plssss make sure to be detailed and make sure you sound like you are asking me to write something you want, in order to avoid simple one sentence or two response. otherwise i wouldn’t be able to catch if you actually are and actually do that.

also, since im a college student, i may not get to your requests or asks the fastest, but i would do it in the same week/month.

and i would try hard to deliver it to you the exact & absolute best way i could based on how you asked.

♡ you would find me writing / reblogging:

— general themes

• fluff • explicit smut • heavy tears inducing angst • reminders / moments people forgot about

— realistic (dark) themes:

• violence • *cheating • tw: *abuse (emotional, mental, physical probably excluding sexual) • tw: blood • intoxication & drug use • tw: cnc / dub-con • tw: stalking • tw: corruption • tw: dacryphilia • breeding kink • age gap • tw: * suicidal thoughts (of a character) *

♡ you would NOT find me writing / reblogging:

— heavy tw:

• tw: incest. stepcest. • tw: *rape • pet play • anything anal related • zoophilia + some other kinks i hadn’t mentioned in what i’d write. (depending what kinks you want me to write, i may excuse them for you if the idea would make sense for the plot.) • nsfw aged up minor characters especially for or written by people older than them when the show first aired. but i will repost anything sfw of theirs (especially of characters who were older than me when i watched/when their show first aired but are still depicted as younger)

* = i or the post will most likely just brush over the topic. so possibly less details on it.

now read with caution: please be mindful that that even though my fics are 16+ and i am / will be careful with everything i reblog and write about, i still may interact or write posts with contents that could be triggering to you. so please keep that in mind because i am not responsible for what may be triggering to you on this blog.

lastly, please remember to separate fiction from reality.

©2024 ERENSFEED. All rights reserved.

[ozzyfromthecafeteria]

for parkee macmeemee

1. Why do you like or dislike this character?

7. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like?

8. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

if you have any ships or anything (note: ik the original question is asking about romantic ships but i'd love to know about other types of relationships as well):

15. What's your favorite ship for this character? (Doesn't matter if it's canon or not.)

16. What's your least favorite ship for this character?

and if you read/write fanfiction:

21. If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

22. If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to ths character? Something you don't like?

HI YAY ^_^ okay

1. I like him! His hexed twice and overall bad situations has allured me. He is like a tired sopping wet cat to me. Also I kinda just like his story and past ? Doomed to leave others unstable cursed to roam around everywhere…. that one image. i just think he’s neat :D i don’t fully have a clue on why my brain latched onto him so much but he is Surely A Guy.

7. Ouh… I think it’s funny when he’s portrayed as So Damn Eternally Exhausted [he absolutely would be i do not blame him] also hm what else i Swear there’s more. hmm more tiny details but i do like it when he’s shown [in either drawn or written form] using a cane ^_^ also i do like the stitches under the eyes… neat design methinks

8. Ahh… hm. I don’t really Despise it besides just a mild dislike but I don’t think he’s mean ? Or a heel is a better wording perhaps. i don’t think he Wanted to hurt people [though let’s be honest he might’ve been glad the fireballs got incinerated i mean c’mon] or Enjoyed doing it. it is a super interesting perspective though so i’m not fully dissing on it i just personally think he’s too soft-hearted

RELATIONSHIPS. OH BABY i have A Ton of ideas now hm. i like to imagine that he’s Very Awkward and Cannot establish friendships easily [also the firewalker thing. why make friends when you’ll be launching them into the toaster anyways] so his. social pool life is rather limited.

i like to think that he Used to be friends with agan espinoza at some point? though they’ve been avoiding each other over the mutual misconception that the other hates them now. now they’re just. awkward strangers that try to stay away from each other unless it’s Necessary or an Emergency.

i think he’s friends with durham spaceman! they don’t contact each other often but they’re still buddies regardless. especially since i like to think durham showed him how to play his instrument in the first place

ALSO ALSO. coronation crabs. i think he’s friends with declan, yusef and ramirez ^_^ i imagine they get along well and frequently do tasks like laundry together to keep from getting bored. also card games

now. for the ones i’m real excited to talk about

wyatt mason x aka the max. they are so friends [and maybe more? i haven’t settled on if i think they’re platonic or romantic yet] i like to think that parker Tries to stay away from people he’s on the same team with but max. max is very insistent and stubborn on Not Letting Him Sulk Around Sadly. xe invites him to a lot of places to hangout and stuff and i like to think xe stands near him during band practice. i also like to think max bugged parker about getting another means of contact that wasn’t like. email. and they chat about almost everything but mostly music i think ^_^

tiera wigdoubt. ohh im so. tiera falls to the team and has No Idea what is going on since so much has changed since they were alive and they Immediately linger around parker because hey at least it’s someone they recognize yaknow. they bond fairly quickly [mostly from tiera trying to figure out how to Do Life again and asking parker about everything that’s changed since then] i think tiera drags parker out on the weirdest adventures ever. like exploring abandoned buildings and seeing how fast they can get kicked out of a store kinda activities. gestures around. i think they’re friends or possibly more. you get the deal

THE ALASKAN IMMORTALS!! i am so so normal. unfortunately there are So many immortals it’d take me hours to write all of what i imagine. i think he still has a good bond with the immortals [especially after clearing up the misunderstanding that they hated him] though in particular… i think parker might’ve had romantic interest in owen suzuki and crits manhattan in the past

hm. for everyone else i think he’s either acquaintances with, hasn’t met yet, used to be friends but The Reasons, or dislikes/is enemies with.

15. as for favorite ship ehh? hard to say. tied between parker/tiera and parker/max

16. well. i think this ship is interesting and so so baffling [what is Wrong with them, truly] but megan ito/parker. it doesn’t occupy as much space in my brain as the others do so unfortunately it is cast aside

21. I KNOW I’VE SAID IT PREVIOUSLY BUT CANE!!!!! PARKER USING A CANE!!!!! i love parker with cane. love it so dearly i try to incorporate as much of it as i can in fics. can’t say there’s anything i don’t like? i do get in rough spots where i can’t figure out what he’d Say or Do in dialogue and actions but the blame goes to my mind for stalling in those sentences. lately been difficult to write outside of The Life Stuff and that is my brain being melted into soup which sucks

22. it makes me overjoyed to see him be displayed as a nervous dog it’s a bit comical to me [just like me…] though i adore fics where parker befriends the teams he’s been on it’s really nice and interesting. as for something i don’t like uhh? oh yeah i know i said it before but i don’t think he’s rude. just a personal interpretation difference

[reviviscencegruiform]

Here you are, anon.

"Get up, get up, get up!" This is the start of your morning. This is the start to not every morning, but most. "Alice, you must get up! We're late! Late late late! Always late! Just like that silly rabbit." He is shaking you now, not harshly, but it's getting there. If you don't get up, he will leave bruises. He won't mean to, but bless his heart he just gets so excited. It's another day with you, together. Alice and the Hatter and whatever magical adventures the day dictates for you. 

"I don't want to take it!" He wines minutes later after you'd been rousted and ousted from the sanctuary of bed. You'd brushed your teeth and he'd brushed your hair because he does it the best, you know? He'd styled it just so. 

"But you must take them." You say trying to keep yourself from sounding irritated because it's 7:30 am on a Sunday. If you sound too harsh you'll hurt his feelings and make him cry. You don't want him to cry. You love this man, you truly do, and he loves you, but today he is in one of his moods and he's not having his medication.

"No, I don't think so." He says, crossing his arms, turning away from you with his nose in the air defiantly. "They make me feel funny. Too much sense, too much! I won't have them." "Not even for me?" You ask with just enough lilt in your voice to make it seem like he might have hurt your feelings. He hadn't, but as much as you didn't want to hurt him, he doesn't want to hurt you and you know that. You're a manipulative little shit when you need to be. For the greater good.

He side-eyes you. His absolutely stunning eyes narrow. Oh, the moths in the pit of your stomach flutter. Is he on to you? He's caught on before and it's caused a tantrum because you were playing dirty. He minds that more sometimes than he does others. Depends on if the day ends in y for as much sense as it makes. Jervis purses his lips, nose crinkling just some. You can practically hear the hex nut bouncing around in the spinning gears of his utterly brilliant mind until he says "Only if you let me pick what we have for breakfast." You can't help, but sigh in relief. He could have anything he wanted. "Of course." You just wanted what was best for him even if he didn't always see it that way.

He wanted a proper English breakfast, which you had to google what that was because he kept changing what was contained the three times he tried to explain it because he got distracted by you existing within a two foot radius of him while talking and started giggling and touching your hands. Which was cute, you admit, but not helpful. "Jervis, we don't have everything we need to-" Oh no. Oh fuck. You'd made a mistake. 

"Then we'll have to make a run to the shops!"

Not the shops. "Jervis..." He stood looking at you wide-eyed for a beat, just long enough to give you hope he was taking into consideration your social phobias and the fact a one hour shopping trip for anyone was at least three hours with him, but no."No breakfast, no medication."  He says after he'd plucked the pill organizer from the counter and shakes it at you with all the cheek and sass he could build up in that tiny frame. You acquiesce, somewhat bitterly, to his demands. You have no power here. 

Well, that’s not true. You and Jervis worked very hard to maintain a balance between the two of you. You are both control freaks and so it required a little give and take mutually to keep both sides of the scale even-keeled. 

Sometimes it was big things, like going to the store even though you’d rather just go back to bed because he had to take his medicine even if it was a little late. Sometimes it was small things, like letting Jervis be the one to be the bearer of the quarter required for getting the cart. It barely mattered and it made him happy. Why would you say no? 

In the store is where he pays you back for that small kindness. You do not like people. He doesn’t either, but not quite in the same way. He just doesn’t like them, they’re normal and likely judging him. On a bad day, actively plotting against him. Suspicious, paranoid. You, however, are afraid of them. So he lets you hold onto the back of his coat while he pushes the cart. He body-blocks with that tiny narrow body of his in the aisles. He even lets you pointlessly hide behind him if people come too close even though you’re several feet taller and they can plainly see you. You’d not be able to tell he only scraped up to 4’10 at his tallest by the way he puffs himself up to take up all the space he can to give you those few more precious inches of security. He’ll even let you hide in the dairy section, in that cleared out corner by the employee only doors, and pet your hands when it all becomes too much for a little while and you start to shake and hyperventilate. There there, love, he’d say, Jervis is here and the work nearly done. 

It’s all worth it to make him take his medicine, you remind yourself. He’s so worth it. 

He brings you a carton of butter pecan ice-cream because he knows it’s your favorite. 

You make sure he doesn’t get the spicy sausages because he sometimes gets too excited and just grabs things without looking.He gets distracted, he can’t help it. He’ll go for something and come back with something entirely else. His quarry forgotten halfway to it. You watch him go for beans and get drawn to fruit cocktail. You let him involve himself with the new can, read it, bring it to you all excited because there’s more cherries now. That’s lovely. “You forgot your beans.” Gasp. He’d forgotten his beans. Off he goes to get them. You let him do this over and over because even if this place gets you in a cold sweat this is enrichment for him. He wants to go down every aisle and just look at things, you would rather only go down the ones you know have things you need on. It’s fine. He’s out. He’s with you. There’s more cherries in the can now. He’s happy and that’s all you want. He does eventually get those beans. He always eventually gets whatever it was he set out for. 

There’s a small argument over if back bacon is better than thick cut pork belly. Back bacon is more like a pork-chop. It doesn’t get crispy and if you wanted a pork-chop you’d just buy a goddamn pork-chop. “Ah,” He says holding a ham steak for some reason “But you only need one of these bacon. You need many of those.” The ham steak has been added to the cart. You don’t know why. You don’t think he does either. “But these,” You say, shaking the package of Applegate Uncured Sunday Bacon at him “Taste better.” “That is subjective!” He argues putting his hands on his hips, feeling all that vinegar from the fish and chips in his veins about it. “It’s bland.” “It’s lean!” “It’s a pork-chop.” “You love pork-chops!” This goes on for twenty minutes. Neither of you win the argument. There are people looking at you.

You leave the store having somehow spent twice the amount you expected to both of you completely forgetting the mushrooms. The ride home is comfortable and quiet. He’s had his excitement for the day. You’ve had yours for the week if not the month. He got bubbles at some point. You don’t remember paying for them. “I’m hungry.” He says while your both carrying in the bags. It’s 10:27am on a Sunday. “What’s for brunch?” “Full English.” You say. He’s very excited about that, oh yes. “I don’t know if we have any beans though, can’t have a full English without beans.” He says looking so worried it hurts a little. You reach into the bag and tahdah. His beans. He gasps! You’re a magician to him for a few giddy seconds. 

Cooking with him is always a delight and this time he’s showing you how to make something. Usually it was the other way around. Jervis was simply more of a baker while you were more of a cook. Nothing wrong with that, nothing wrong with that at all. He shows you just how to cook the tomatoes, the potatoes, the sausages to English specification. You know how to cook these things, but he’s so excited to show you that you don’t say anything about it. He can’t do sunny side up eggs, while he enjoys the taste he can’t endure the texture and you don’t subject him to them. You scramble them just the way he likes with a little splash of milk and he’s hugging your leg because you remembered! It means so much that you always remember things like that. 

He watches you cook the back bacon and nods in approval when you flip it at what was apparently the right time. He has a spot he likes to sit in, he has a plate he likes to eat off of, a fork, a cup. You know and you make sure you don’t use anything else. He makes his own cuppa because his taste in tea is ever changing and what he liked yesterday isn’t what he likes today. 

“Don’t forget,” You say, setting his pill container by his plate while you’re putting up the rest of the groceries. “to take your medicine.” “Oh!” He hurriedly takes them, washing them down with his tea before he even gets in his chair to eat. “Thank you, darling. What would I do without you?” You smile and just shrug. You don’t know and you don’t want to think about it. He beams at you and for a split second right at the end of his expression there’s a look on his face. Like he knows something. A split second of lucidity? Maybe. Or maybe he’d put on yet another brilliant performance as a mad man who tricks you into getting out of the house with his Machiavellian machinations of very specific breakfasts. You couldn’t tell. Maybe he just didn’t like how you were watching him sit down because he was short and the chair was tall. He’d never tell and it wasn’t something you would ever ask. 

“Oh,” You look up from the sausage you’re eating straight out of the pan “Hm?” He looks sheepishly at you “You were right about the bacon.”

Not too shabby for an old man's first try, is it?