#she gets so angry when elminster tells him what mystra wants him to do

[pinkfey]

ursula when she sees gale and mystra’s matching earrings and puts two and two together

[ohwolfling]

QUESTION. This might be a little heavy for a Friday night (or any night), so feel free to ignore.

Do you think human ending Gale would ever get to the point where he lets himself be fully angry about Mystra, what she'd done to him, and what she demanded he do for her? We can get hints of it in-game, but it's more Gale's genteel "I'm rather peeved" sort of anger (e.g. when he tells Elminster he'll be the one to decide his future, not Mystra). If he does allow himself to experience that anger, I wonder what it looks like for him--if there's a slow build up to it, if it's a sudden explosion (or just looks sudden because he gives no sign of it), or what.

I just want Gale to not sweep everything under the rug and to fully recognize what he had to go through was profoundly fucked up and that he can, in fact, be angry about it.

blame the birth chart or the c-ptsd but we love a lil heavy Friday night convo here tbqh!

Here are my two biggest factors in thinking about good ending Gale and his relationship to anger/shame/etc-

When you experience prolonged trauma your brain hides many things from you. I think most people are familiar with bad tv/movie depictions of repressed memory. The reality is your brain as a kind of protective keeper, shoving things into drawers, under beds, filing it away in a cabinet marked "for later." The safer, the more content, the more empowered you feel, the more the keeper goes, "oh, you can finally hold this," because spoilers: the keeper is still you. And you are so tired.

2. If your Gale ending has him as a teacher/professor, oh boy. He is placing himself directly in the path of his own grooming, coercion, and shame. Mystra might be wary of Gale moving forward, but there's nothing to say she will stop doing what she does. How does Gale protect his own students? Does he find that he can't? Does he see how Elminster at a bare minimum enables that dynamic and have to unpack that?

A discussion of that in practice is below the cut.

I think Gale doesn't even think of it as sweeping things under the rug. He's still very much, "I see now that what Mystra did to me was unfair but I too made mistakes," which really doesn't embrace the hurt of that power dynamic. Gale thinks he's healed. Gale thinks he's moving on.

As days go by, he'll remember moments with Mystra, with Elminster, maybe with others who work in that system of academia/religion, and it will be the first time he's healed enough to see those not as Gale of Waterdeep, aged 11, 15, 17, 25, 30, or whatever. He'll see them as Gale now. He'll see them as adult, trauma informed Gale. He'll see them as survivor of the illithid mess Gale. He'll see them as teacher/protector/cool uncle/surrogate father of his students. He'll see them as man who loves and is loved by someone else who ALSO survived trauma (even if just the ilithid incident, obviously Tav backstories and headcanons may vary).

In the duality of religion/academia, emotions are deeply repressed. Anger is very likely presented as the worst emotion you could share. I don't think it's necessary to do the argument of what is a sorcerer, what is a wizard so that's not ever where I'm going with this. But when you have someone like Gale who was magically attuned on his own, outside of familial tradition and was taken into wizard academia BECAUSE of that, I think anger very much feels like a danger to the social order. I don't think that the Orb is the first time Gale has been framed as a danger to Mystra. I don't think it's the first time he's framed as shaming her or hurting her for making a choice or feeling a feeling. He HAS to unlearn all of that.

I think it takes a few big uh-ohs for Gale to start to truly and practically engage with that. I think it takes nightmares, flashbacks, and dark, dark periods where he can't control his rage or his shame. Where he can't tell which is which. I think it takes more cycles of isolation. I think it probably takes lashing out at Tav in that scenario. There's a moment when you do go and read the book of Karsus where if you tell Gale you still hate this and don't want to pursue it, he kind of snaps at you and guilts you a little bit. It's something to the effect of, "don't be a hindrance now when you've been so helpful." And for me... how many times has someone said that to Gale? Where does that idea come from? It's the only moment in the entire game where I had the thought that Macha would possibly leave him or cut him off, had that attitude escalated.

And then I have these questions... does this level of emotional dysregulation touch Gale's relationship to the Weave? what is the DnD equivalent of therapy? is this something he can manage while being at Blackstaff? as he heals can he advocate for the safety of children in that system? Does the system deserve to exist and how does Gale grapple with that?

This is a very long way to say that I don't think it matters if Gale gets to a point where he is ready to feel that anger. The point will get to him.

As much as I love the relative fluff and meaningful sensuality I've dabbled with in my fic so far, for me true romance means trust, it means building a foundation, it means being PARTNERS in every sense of the word. And that involves ugliness, despair, and helping each other through the muck. I think with Gale there will be a lot of that. As someone with C-PTSD who is extremely avoidant attachment it really requires a rich head canon of him being able to do that to keep the fictional interest alive tbqh.

[themindarchive]

Lost Son of Mystra Au

What if, in order to prevent Karsus's folly from happening again, Mystra created a failsafe?

What if that failsafe was to craft a daughter, built from her essence, that acted as a weave energy generator so that magic will never be lost again?

But, what if, in a similar manner to what Gale did, she asked for a way to prove she wasnt just some battery but could be useful in other ways on the material plane?

What if, unlike with Gale, she relented and used a piece of the karnite weave to make a regulator so her magic wouldnt go out of control with no way to purge the acess magic she would generate on the material plane?

What if that regulator, was the orb?

And What if, her task was to bring her young talented wizards to make her chosen?

What if during this task she foudn that there were many areas that didn't take a woman seriously or were downright dangerous for a woman alone and so she used her magic to disguise herself as a man?

What if, after she began traveling as a man, she found she never wanted to go back?And in his first act of rebellion, he made it so he would never have to again?

What if this was what began the rift between mother and child that would grow wider and wider as he see's what she does to the boys he brings to her?

What if, the last boy he brings her is Elminster, whom he trains to be able to resist her influence so he can keep from getting used up and destroyed like the others before him?

Of course, when she finds out, she gets angry and demands that her daughter to do as she is told.

And He tells her to go fuck herself.

So, she violently removes the orb form his body and casts him away as punishment, effectivly making him for all intents and purposes a energy generator with nowhere for the energy to go until it bursts out of him. In sometimes brutal and devastating ways. (Wild Magic Sorceror on steroids)

So, in retaliation and guilt, he conspires and to some extent suceeds in warning others about what happens to the young wizards his mother casts her eyes on. (Think mincs story from his homeland.)

And then, one day, while working in Waterdeep as a traveling enchanter, he meets a young boy who talks his ear off about magic and all the spells he has been able to cast and comauns that his parents wouldnt let him have a kitten as a familiar.

So, feeling the strong connectuon the kid has with the weave already, he teached him how to summon one, culminating in him meeting his new tressym the very next day.

Then, as he is talking to him and his new friend, he feels his mothers eyes fall on the boy and not a few days later see's Elminster arrive in the city and leave with the boy.

So, he follows them, in an attempt to keep the boy from his mother and gets into a heated fight with Elminster while they belive the boy is asleep in his tent.

However part way through the fight, he is forced to flee because he could feel the magic burst coming, having to get as far away as possible to keep from hurting them.

He ends up having a burst so bad it renders him unconcious in the Astral for several years.

But, what if, unbenownst to the two men, the boy hadn't been asleep at all and saw the whole thing, always wondering why the kind street enchanter that always listned to his stories was trying to keep him from what everyone seemed so happy about?

What if, even after the boy eventually became Gale the Wizard of Waterdeep, that that night still popped into his mind on occasion and made him wonder...whatever happened to that man and why was he so adamant about him not serving Mystra?

Then, what if, in a similar way to Mystra's lost son, Gale wanted to prove himself worthy of being her equal and learned of a piece of the weave sealed away?

And what if, only too late, he now understood why that man was trying had tried to keep him away from her?

After he is cast out however, Elminster, against Mystra's orders, told her son about what happened to the orb, causing him to seek out the human man who was now cursed with it.

Only, just before they would have met, the illithid ship shows up and they both get taken.

When they join together, only he recognizes the boy, now a very attractive man named Gale of Waterdeep, as the one he tried to save and knows exactly what his mother did to him. So to make up for it he does everyhting he can to help him with the orb now bound in his chest.

Luckily, despite the often deep seated rivalry that happens between wizards and sorcerors, the two get along very well making it all the easier to help him and for both men to start to fall for each other.

But, after the orb starts to show signs of the magic items no longer working, Mystra's son finds he isn't able to discharge the extra magic in his system like usual and finds himself on the verge of a very bad burst that wraps him in a violent shield of volitile magic that is about to explode.

As this happens the orb responds tapping into Gale on an instinctual level traching him exactly what he needs to do.

With knowledge in hand he charges forward, through the field, dropping to his knees in front of him, grabs his hand a presses it against the orb in his chest, then pulls him inti a tight embrace.

Immedietly the magic begins to be sucked in causing both men to cling to eachother for dear life.

Unfortunately though, the tadpole takes the oppurtunity to snitch on him and reveals who he is to Gale, much to his frustration.

The orb's hunger rapidly dissipates and for the first time in a long while, it feels completly sated. Where the pressure that seems to always be under Mystra's son's skin recedes completly, causing him to weep for several minutes.

Afterward They have a long talk and arrange a system to keep both of them stable.

But due to the often close quarters nature of it, there feelings for eachother only grow stronger and harder to ignore. Culmminating in a very spicy makeout session at the celebration party that gets interuppted by a pair of drunken tieflings.

However, later on when Elminster appears to tell Gale what Mystra wants from him, he also tells Mystra's son, in cryptic language and facial expressions, the reason she is taking drastic measures.

He also brings with him an amulet that will channel the extra weave energy back into the weavw itself so he doesnt ha e to worrt about having another bad burst again.

Now stable, both men take advantage of what time they have left, but come morning post nut clarity kicks in and he wakes up the entire camp shouting: "It's the fucking Crown!"

Now knowing what his mother is up to he spends the rest of the game loving the shit out of his wizard and planning to use the crown as leverage to free both of them from thier conditions.

A deal that culminates in him giving the crown back to his mother in exchange for the orb to be removed from Gale and placed back in him, but at the cost of him becoming completly mortal.

And so, the two men live out the rest of thier lives together, perishing side by side as the orb destructs far away from.any known civilization.

[recitedemise]

Man, just venting, but you know why Gale's abusive relationship really gets me boiled up?

Because I really get the image of it all.

Mystra is this outwardly 'polite' and 'calm' person who doesn't 'talk like an abuser', and it's easy to see her as being the mannered one where Gale is 'overreacting', especially with his anger once the extent of all the abuse he endured became more clear to him in act 3.

I was in a relationship with someone just like that. People like Mystra have this GODLIKE status among their supporters (and Mystra is literally a goddess, so all the more relevant) who truly believe in their heart of hearts that they can do no wrong.

Gale really tried his best to show Mystra he loved her and was worthy of her.

Gale ended up lonely and, for a long while, kept making excuses to protect Mystra's image and take on the blame.

And for over a year, I did the same. I would defend my abuser's behaviors day in and day out. They expected it. They got angry if I didn't vocally support them, expecting me to scold my own family if my family told me they were worried about my health with my abuser. They said my brother who was worried about me was lashing out because my brother was jealous that I was now prioritizing my abuser and was losing me to them. They said that my brother should get his own relationship before talking about mine. I had to join my abuser in a call with my brother afterward to essentially discourage my brother and discuss why he was wrong for 'implying' my abuser was abusing me. People would tell me my abuser was dangerous, and I would tell them, no, they're just misunderstood and have a lot of trauma. They're really trying their best! I would sit after I finally broke up with them and blame myself for what happened, going if I just left sooner, things wouldn't have gotten so bad, and that I am guilty of giving them the idea 'we' were workable.

Just like Gale always saying it was HIS fault for souring the relationship. Just like Gale sitting there and saying Mystra is the mother of magic, a goddess, that she can do no wrong.

And when we are spurned, spurned viciously, we finally realize how callous they are.

Gale is told so coldly to kill himself by not even Mystra, but by Elminster on her behalf.

And me? I tried breaking up for 3 hours straight. 3 hours. 3 hours on call. 3 hours seeing their lovebombing, begging texts to stay with them. 3 straight fucking hours of them gaslighting me and telling me I DID love them when I didn't. 3 hours of telling me that I USED to love them and to please 'water the seeds of love again.' 3 hours of 'two people have to decide when to break up.' 3 hours of seeing them send me letters through pictures on mobile that they wrote THROUGH THEIR THERAPY SESSION. And when I capitulate and angrily agree to hold on, just so desperate and burnt out and needing this begging, this bombing, this blatant disrespect of my boundaries to stop, I get told again that I DO love them and that they love me and things will all get better for THREE DAYS MORE. Three whole DAYS of being gaslit and having my own thoughts and emotions and wellbeing decided for me.

And after that? After that, they come to me saying my anger was 'disproportionate' and that I should work on my mental journey to stop hurting others with my anger when the reason I got angry at all was because I wanted to break up for 3 hours straight (nevermind my other attempts before) that they routinely kept disregarding! Ergo, three hours of desperately and exhaustingly crossing my boundaries and disrespecting them! They are so incapable of recognizing boundaries that they even acted as though they never crossed them to begin with, further invalidating my anger and my experience and my hurt and my health. Later told people how I got angry when they were asking 'kindly' for me to stay with them and visit them in which said people came to me and told me I was cruel and disrespected my abuser's attempt to do something sweet for us...as opposed to recognizing how they crossed my boundaries. For hours. Repeatedly.

And then I find out all this...bullshit my abuser said behind my back before we ever broke up.

How they kicked me from our server.

How they called everyone in my server after they kicked me to tell all my friends I was selfish.

How they called me afterward to tell them my friends called me selfish and they had to sit and defend me.

How, after we broke up, I asked my friends about this and how they said, that's weird, because my abuser was the one that called ME selfish and that it'd been my friends that defended me.

How people like my abuser, like Mystra thrive off image and ego and manipulate their most devoted people to paint you as unstable and asking for too much.

How victims, how I, how Gale finally realize what happened, realize the full extent of their masks, games, and manipulations, and finally get very, very angry.

I try to get over what happened, but I will never get closure for it.

Even Gale having few friends, I get. Some of my experiences, I headcanon onto Gale. And I headcanon Gale's small social circle was because Mystra, like my abuser, are deeply possessive and jealous. Whenever I spoke to anyone, started getting close, my abuser would get visibly put out. I had to ask for PERMISSION to become friends with someone. To avoid upsetting them, I stopped talking to a close friend entirely because they kept calling them evil and the most vile things, checking my status to see if I was playing a game without them because they hated the thought of me being with my friend. For their sake, I had to explain a weekly hangout I had with another friend was because that other friend's mother was very ill at the time, as if my abuser was owed an explanation at all. How my abuser got so jealous and upset because we didn't have 'weekly dates' but I can be with my friend on a weekly basis to comfort them over their ill mother when literally ANY OTHER TIME, 9 times outta 10, you can bet I was with my abuser.

And Gale had few friends because...he was enamored with Mystra. To me, Mystra wanted so much of his time, loyalty, devotion, and Gale was eager to offer it. But in that way, she encouraged the suffocation of his social sphere. He was hers. His time was hers. Mystra was to be HIS priority.

And I get it. I really do.

Anyway. This was just a long ramble. It fucking SUCKS sitting here and thinking about all that happened. It sucks knowing I'll never get closure. It sucks knowing people listen to my abuser wholesale and think my anger or my despair were all manipulation tactics to 'get them to behave', stripping me of my own right to my traumas.

And in that way, I get Gale. :/// Anyway. I deeply love and understand him, and I think his anger in act 3 is so very warranted. Far as I'm concerned, he should've been angrier, but no doubt his anger would've only been used to further present the image that HE was the abuser, and you know what? Damn, do I get that, too.