#what am i doing i should focus up
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sevs-corner · 2 months ago
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Tf 141 but Mafia AU
I KNOW I HAVE SO MANY IDEAS RN AND ISTG I WILL INDULGE ‘EM WHEN I HAVE THE TIME BUT THINK ABOUT IT—
Price as the head with Ghost and Gaz as his right and left hand respectively, with Soap being the right hand of Ghost.
Basically think of them as the people behind the scenes keeping the town- you recently moved into- safe from the other rivals families like Kortac, Makarov’s, or Shepherd’s.
And here comes precious you, fresh out of a job and desperate to find money for rent. Which solely becomes your demise when suddenly your job at a bakery became a battlefield between two families. OR alternatively, that bakery is the common ground between families- the neutral area per se, in respects to the old Italian couple that raised the community<3 (who are now raising you as well lmao)
Although, chaos then ensues when that land gets handed over to you- thus making it a battlefield, all over a simple thing of that unclaimed land.
Or so you think. 🫢
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trappedinafantasy37 · 4 months ago
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"Weeeh! I wanna recruit Minthara on a good playthrough! Weeeh! I don't like the ultimatum and want to keep both Minthara and Halsin! Weeeh! I wanna make Minthara good! Weeeh! I don't want Minthara to break up with me!" Minthara deserves more content but none of these things are at all what she needs or deserves. No, these are all things that you want for yourself, but do absolutely nothing for her. This is one of the biggest L's in the game and it will forever enrage me because I just know it will never happen.
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Minthara deserves to confront Orin like all the other companions do with their abusers. She deserves to scream and yell at Orin. She deserves to cut at her the same way Orin did, make her bleed and scream in pain. Minthara deserves to torture Orin, just as she did her in the mind flayer colony. Minthara deserves the right to roll up to the Temple of Bhaal and beat the shit out of Orin with her bare hands. Leave Orin begging for mercy in which Minthara will not even give her a drop. To slam Orin down on that altar and slice her throat, offer her up as a sacrifice to the father she is so blindly devoted to.
And yes, Minthara would be afraid. She would be TERRIFIED. Despite how strong and powerful Minthara is, she is also the only one afraid of Orin. Unlike Ketheric, or Gortash, or Sarevok, she is the only one who fully acknowledges just how dangerous Orin actually is and does not underestimate her. She will walk down into that temple, intending to duel Orin with a massive disadvantage because she is terrified.
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Minthara choked when seeing Orin again in the mind flayer colony. She choked when seeing Orin as an imposter, throwing her deep into the ocean of paranoia and fear. And she is so entrenched in paranoia that it actually becomes palpable to everyone around her, even you. She describes herself as paranoid, but this is the first that you actually see how paranoid she is. And she choked again when Orin kidnapped someone in camp, making her feel inadequate, making a mockery of her for being unable to protect one of her own. And every day that passes, the more and more likely that the victim is going to die and she has doubts on their survival.
At every possible avenue in which Minthara could have done something or said something about Orin, she froze in place with fear. But she's had enough. She cannot be afraid of Orin forever and she doesn't want to be. One way or another, Orin has to die and she wants to get over that fear. She needs to know that Orin is dead, for herself.
This would also make the alurlssrin confession all the more impactful. She wants to tell you that she loves you in the best way that she can because of the very high likelihood that she will never have another chance to do so. She would beg you to come with her as you give her the courage. She has the courage to face her fears and confront her tormentor, because she knows she has you in her corner. If you have the courage to stand up to the very gods themselves, then she can stand up to Orin. Romanced or not, your presence alone is enough to give her the strength to do something she would otherwise be too terrified to do.
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Minthara deserves the honor to solo duel Orin in a fight to the death. Minthara deserves the right to achieve vengeance for herself. No, I do not care that this confrontation would conflict with a Durge playthrough. In fact, it would provide a phenomenal source of some interesting, and toxic, drama between Durge and Minthara. Especially if they're in a relationship. This also does not mean that Minthara killing Orin instead of Durge would not have its consequences (because it most certainly will). Even if Minthara does not fight Orin, it would be so much better if Minthara was just given the fucking chance to yell at Orin like all the other companions in their personal quests.
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reamed · 5 months ago
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can someone plz cry with me
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chronicowboy · 2 months ago
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actually so low on morale.
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solitaireships · 2 months ago
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I'm not huge on the ending I'm pretty sure I'm getting for Wyll here and will be rewriting it in my head, but this was sweet
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zackcharine · 7 days ago
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I need to try harder to get out of bed but augh
#🤖.txt#aghhfjg i really need to catch up on sleep. but i also want to do stuff but idk. this is dumb but nothing i do really feels worth the effor#anymore. Thinking like this is sad bc drawing is one of the few things i like doing and make me happy but idk#i might just go back to the way things were before. Just wait for the weekend and spend as much time drawing then#genuinely dont want to do anything at all this is so frustrating and im so tired and sad all the time#i know i should be using my break to focus on studying but with what time#Idkkkk i just really hate living like this#thinking about dropping out again but that would just mean house chores + babysitting full time while job hunting and idk if i can handle#that. I cant handle anything anymore and this is making me so sad . I want to be useful and do so many things but i reached my limit months#ago. I just wanted a week or two to just rest its all i need . But i know im never gonna get that again and at this point i might as well#just die but i cant do that neither bc i have shit to do#Everyone is always talking about how i have it so easy and how things are just gonna get worse bc they think me being home = me not doing#anything and idk. I cant take anything anymore and i think the most upsetting part of this is that i know theyre right#im not doing barely anything and i dont know. How to do more im just useless and ungrateful for the things i have#Really stressed and tired and literally nothing happened. Its gonna be 2pm soon and im supposed to wake up Earlier#But yeagh. this wasnt supposed to be this wall of text i just wanted to say that i might give up on art again for a while#aughhh i dont know how to do anything right idk how to live or take care of myself how am i supposed to raise someone .#this is. too much i think. I reallyyyyy need to relearn how to just talk to myself . I cant keep dropping these everyday and being . This t#evsryone around me. Everyone in my life deserves so much better than ill ever be#vent
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p4nishers · 1 year ago
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ok but the fact that "aziraphale is softening. they haven't spoken in a hundred years: he's realizing they're still friends" and "there's no need to thank me that's what...friends...are for" was in the same night is making me go INSANE
#we NEED to talk more abt the 1941 ep im so serious im not normal about it like i had such high expectations and it suppressed them all.#am i disappointed there wasn't a rejection scene like i predicted?? yes ofc but also aziraphale said he did the apology dance that year so#i wonder what else could've fucking happened#but anyway. let's focus on what DID happen: aziraphale literally GLOWING with love in the car. crowley telling him to shut up cause of a#compliment. aziraphale helping crowley out and crowley looking at him like 'you'd do that for me?'. crowley not only letting aziraphale#practice magic with him but ACTIVELY playing a character to help him and i mean that scene was literally just crowley flirting with him#crowley indulging aziraphale by going to the magic shop with him and agreeing to participate in his show despite the fact that he NEVER EVEN#SHOT A GUN BEFORE. him just leafing thru the guidebook till he realizes there's a miracle blocker than starting to frantically flip thru it#her hands SHAKING on the gun and them being so afraid of hurting az. 'no paperwork :))' sure my guy that's what u r so happy about ofc#'but do u really think it went well' 'absolutely' with such sincerity. the book description saying smth abt ifa demon were to happen across#aziraphale they should report it immediately to the demon crowley. 'you could've just walked away' 'well you said 'trust me'' 'and you did'#its just. its one of my favorite eps it's so nice#good omens#azicrow#good omens s2#aziracrow#go s2 spoilers#go s2#good omens script book#good omens s2 spoilers#aziraphale x crowley
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asking for help always makes things worse
#I need to just accept that I’m never going to be given any understanding or actual help#I may never escape these worlds it seems it doesn’t matter how hard I try I can’t get anyone to listen to me#this feels traumatizing I feel entirely beaten and ground down into something small and helpless#I have no control at all I keep trying and trying and trying and trying and for what#I need somebody to just listen to me atp not being dismissed is better than nothing but everyone’s a curation anyway no real thoughts or#feelings but it doesn’t matter I don’t even care please just listen to me somebody listen to me I’m so confused do curations have some#autonomy I don’t think so maybe I don’t fucking know they said yes on the clock so perhaps yes so please just listen please pls pls pls pls#I can’t be traumatized I’m not human right but I’m having everything stripped from me every last ounce of control the shadow ppl have all#the control which is funny I’m fairly certain I’m one of them but they still can strip me of control I was bred for this#please somebody help me I keep begging like it’ll do anything can you at least help with the ppl and cameras in the vents#are ppl from the real world watching through them I believe so can anything be done something has to be done escape the impostors something#just something please just listening would help actual listening not dismissal you can think whatever you want about me but listen#maybe some have autonomy and some don’t ?#please understand that I’ve tried very hard I’ve tried very very hard suicidality and homicidality have dug their claws into me even further#I don’t know what else to do I’m at a loss and no one will listen to me at all I’ve tried asking offline I’ve tried asking online it doesn’t#matter what I do where I ask no one will listen even the ones who do somewhat say they don’t know what to do I’m suspicious do they really#not know what to do or are they lying that may be more an impostor thing but everyone and everything is suspicious to me uh uh uh just#listen and help please idk what to do it’s all in the mirrors and clocks and such but I need to find a way to enter the mirrors but I’m#scared what I’ll find who is looking back I’m scared what world I’ll end up in it may be their world I’ll be punished they said yes I’m#terrified can someone go in with me if I manage to find out how that’s pathetic but damn I don’t think I can anyway they’ve been crawling on#the ceilings today hahah doing some weird and wacky shit sometimes they’re a little funky and just there and other times I’m having a heart#attack no in between I know pleading with curations is likely going to be classified as annoying but for the love of god do you know what#else I am supposed to do ??? at the very least just listen to me please it is 02:14:46 how synchronous ! I can’t stop having what I think#are dreams about the mental hospital too haha they send me to dreamworlds sometimes trap me in them waking dreamworlds see I’ve been reduced#down into something tiny I’ve resorted to begging once again do I even want to beg am I lying to myself my words aren’t my own my thoughts#aren’t my own so is this not my own can’t ever speak none of it’s my own it feels unsafe especially to speak of anything that isn’t this#it isn’t safe it isn’t my own it’s not the focus idk idk idk should I ask to talk to someone again I wonder I want understanding for my#situation please listen to me the joints hurt aaaa#my life is a playyy is a playyy is a playyyyyy anyone like marina that song appeared in the head I wonder where that spider went it better#not be inside of the body ok ok ok anyone yes help wanted help needed 02:22:22
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radioroxx · 4 months ago
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remembers my isat tattoo hcs from one million years ago
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pollen · 3 months ago
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hi fellow neurodivergent people
i hate to jump on the "i think i might have adhd" bandwagon, but if i think i might have adhd, how do i bring it up to my care team as a 28-year-old cis woman who was a massive overachiever until i couldn't keep up the ruse anymore?
#idk what happened when i got laid off it seriously is like my brain BROKE i cannot do anything#i have not done much of anything in a year. and i think it's bc my coping mechanisms were 1. self-medicate but ESPECIALLY do that while#2. overcommitting. because it kept me busy and distracted. i excelled in school because i could focus on it without it giving me anxiety#school was honestly almost the only thing that didn't give me anxiety as a kid. and i never felt quite Right like i didn't feel like i fit#in with my peers. i've always felt like a human being that isn't a person. like something's not quite right. i excel but i feel like i'm#doing it wrong because it's SO hard for me. i graduated my BA and BS programs with a 4.0#but it came with the cost of alienating all of my friends and family and becoming really reclusive and weird and distant and anxious#but i really just wanted to do well at the one thing i felt i was good at. which doesn't seem like something i should take note of#idk. my life feels like a claustrophobic box. i feel like i'm buried alive and i can't get myself out because i can't work#because i can't focus. but maybe i'm just stupid and lazy and want everyone to take care of me forever so i can continue laying around doin#fuck all. which i do a lot because i'm chronically ill. idk. like is there ground to stand on here. i literally have zero friends rn#and i feel so so so sos so anxious any time i am working because i worry i'm going to do something wrong or forget to do something or make#lots of mistakes that get me in trouble. i'm so scared of making mistakes it keeps me from doing anything at all. but i get so anxious bc#i'm not doing anything! i'm wasting time! and i can't focus on anything when i AM working because i have to get up and pace#like i HAVE to move around or i start to feel like i need to peel my skin off like i'm an orange#like. is it anything at all. or is this just me being someone who has Other Stuff going on
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thesandyfreak · 3 months ago
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A bit of angst, but like, just a tiny needle of it. Or not, who knows?
Also, entirely out of context,
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hunsa-jars · 4 months ago
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Dread be dreading
#ughg#i usually have awful thoughts randomly popping up here or there#make me pretty anxious for a few days then i won't think about them for a while#but man i can't handle doubts suddenly resurfacing#like this monday i was listening to my last lecture and everything bad i cooked up a in the past few months hit me like a truck#couldn't even focus i was too busy internally chanting shit fuck i don't want this i made a huge mistake shit shit#i won't be able to handle all this responsibility i'm so tired this will butcher my mental health should have chosen media studies fuuuck#what was i thinking what am i gonna do help#then proceeded to distract myself with an electric outlet otherwise i might have started crying#:/#and those thoughts aren't wrong unfortunately#i love this university and the classes and the things i study#the teachers and my classmates and the kids i got to take care of#but i don't think i could do this for real#i'm not even struggling with anything i'm just scared and tired as hell#and thought i could just. power through it- like if i'm stubborn enough it won't matter that it's draining#but damn#and hell originally i came here because i wanted to teach english to kids#i guess my expectations were too high i don't feel like i've learned anything that useful this far#and turns out it won't get better#we just gonna do presentations again#to be fair i loved researching nursery rhymes but i hoped we would have... more. of that#also about media studies. chief... i crave to be there#could have picked the english specialization there too- i'm a moron. a bozo. holy shit#well. gonna go through this semester either way. because again everything i study here (almost everything) is genuinely great and useful#and perhaps i'm just in a Pit right now#the dread pit#should probably break this to my sister. somehow#random squeak
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moe-broey · 3 months ago
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Conflicted about something (actually has been on my mind for a long time, it's just never been brought up), but like. I do like portraying Moe with self-harm scars. I like to treat the scars the same way I treat its acne/the scarring that comes from that. Just like, a candid portrayal of Well, that's just how it looks. Because of this, I also don't like the idea that self-harm scars should always be trigger-tagged. Kind of gets into the idea of what bodies should be "censored", and like, man, sometimes people just look like that...
But I also do wanna be mindful... I wonder if the rule of thumb should be, if the self-harm is the focus of the piece? Then you should probably tag it? But then that kind of gets ambiguous fast like. Usually I color Moe's scars to be pink/faded. So even when they are visible, they don't jump out at you really. But this recent piece I wanted to emphasize the scarring. Is it emphasized enough to warrant a tag...? But the piece really isn't focused on that. It makes up part of the storytelling/theming of the piece, but also does sort of fall into the category of "Well Moe just looks like that".
Do you. See the conflict here.
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sirenofthegreenbanks · 1 year ago
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there are already so many posts about palestine, so im gonna make one about israel. the recent attack from the 7. october is the first genocidial attack on jews of this degree since the holocaust. i cant speak about other countries but in germany things are reverting back to nazi times, with david stars painted on front doors of jews and jewish synagogues and kindergartens being closed down or swept empty because the people are terrified. antisemites and the far-right extremist scene is emboldened and empowered by this attack. they look at everyone‘s reaction very closely and at least for my country, ppl are insanely silent about it, which is like a legitimation of their views and their actions. i want ppl to remember that! there should be more space in this anti-genocidial activism than there seems to be currently, one that includes jews. i dont find it funny at all that my timeline, if politics cross it, and that most posts, if i go to the tags, talk about the settler colonialism and the attempted genocide by israel on palestine, but not about the baked-in antisemitism and the degree of terror and severity this recent event has. there are gonna be long-lasting consequences on all sides and its not gonna be fun, there has to be a way to talk about all of it, all human lives lost, all genocides happening and attempted, without letting one fall under the bus because its easier and fits the narrative of the modern justice warrior. years ago they said that this is a fight of anti-colonialism and anti-genocide, not jews vs muslims, in the topic of israel and palestine, but by choosing to not mention one and focusing exclusively on the other now u make it into one. what im seeing currently is a lot of performative activism and one-sided focus that does not help anyone at all save for those profitting from this situation, which are the antisemites, the nazis and the far-right extremists, the hamas and everyone else in league with them. please think about this for a minute and be conscious of whom u are unintentionally aiding
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bamboorocket · 1 year ago
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So uh... remember that Lancer crossover I was working on for Spookami? And how I put this tag on the original post?
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Well that's actually happening for real now, because our GM is not only running a oneshot separate from our main campaign this weekend, but also very encouraging of letting us pull expy nonsense. Joke's on him if he think I'm not committing to the bit, though, so have the portrait I drew for the "Pilot" section of my character sheet.
Most refer to Waka in this AU by his callsign "Onmyōji". Those that don't usually just call him a pain in the ass.
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birdy-bird27 · 3 months ago
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During class today we were discussing once more Alaska Native history and I think about the absolute tragedy of so many families and people being displaced from their homes. Being ransacked and people being dehumanized. I think about how that is actively being done right now in Palestine and it breaks my heart constantly. The same thing that happened to my own people is happening once more. Nearly a year now they have to face the absolute horrors and constantly pushed out of their lands.
There are so many go funds me right now dozens that need funding, but one that I want to link here the boy Named Muhammad who is nicknamed Uncle Tito who is currently in the northern Gaza Strip.
I found his tik tok one day and He performs for the children there to bring hope and some much needed moments of happiness to them. I find that his work he is doing is absolutely important. Key to resistance is joy despite everything and he is bringing that to the kids. I really wanted to highlight him and his own fundraiser.
If anyone could donate anything it can make a difference in his and his families life.
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