#what am I saying you are always trying haha
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Oneshot | Friends Made In Strange Places | Aegon Targaryen II
A/N: Another Oneshot from my Ao3 and Wattpad accounts, the last three I have posted are my faves and probably the few I have that have been completed or exited the idea stage haha
SUMMARY: (Female) Reader is the maid/nanny for Aegon's children, and while you watch over the princes an unlikely friendship forms.
TW: Minor Character Death, Loss, (Class) Discrimination, Abuse of Power, Depictions of Alcoholism, Mentions of Incest, Mentions of SA (because no, I'm sorry, you can't like a character and just erase all the shitty things they did, it WILL be addressed in this oneshot)
★ MASTER LIST HERE ★
WORD COUNT: 4,999
The Red Keep was still, the night had cast a blanket of its mercy. It hid the guards in shadowed corners and allowed the court to sleep. They were tucked away in their beds, their dreams taking them to a peaceful realm. Only you, a single maid was not allowed such a night, made to watch over Maelor as the Queen slept. He was ceaseless. Nothing seemed to work, not the feeding, the burping, the changing, the small bounces or the soft songs. You feared he had colic. After all, he seemed to cry incessantly for no reason at all.
You continued to bounce the child, lifting him to your shoulder as you looked out over the King's Landing. At least not all were captured in dreams, many were awake but too far to see. You could glimpse at the small lights from houses but not a soul. In the darkness of the chamber, you felt the only being alive, trapped in torment as the baby refused to settle.
You hoped by laying Maelor down and rubbing his tummy that soon he'd find peace, feel the comfort of the cot to finally, sleep. Tears pricked your eyes.
"Please" you murmured, breaking the quiet of the chamber with your silent plea.
No wonder the Queen Mother made you, not Queen Heleana, comfort the child. He was not even yours yet the stress felt no different. He was forever restless, nothing could calm him. You considered feeding him again but that felt no use, he had eaten not long ago. Perhaps, you smirked, he was a true Targaryen, wilful and torturous when he wanted to be. But he was but a baby, it was funny musing to pass the time.
Once again a lullaby left your lips trying to soothe the child. Your mother had sung it to you in the Riverlands. You had not seen her for years, her health becoming poorly and you too busy to visit. Your sister said it was an affliction unlike any she saw.
Your singing grew louder at the memory- a whisper that carried across the chamber, your hand rubbing the child's tummy to the rhythm.
"Why is he not asleep?". You shot up, immediately, turning to the voice. The wails of Maelor did nothing to quench the fear filling your stomach, you hoped he could drown it so it wasn't clear on your face.
"Your Majesty" you bowed, being quick to pick up the child afterwards. It wasn't out of comfort, no, Maelor had now become your own meat shield. You had heard what he'd done to Dyana and that would never become you. Close you held him to your chest and bounced lightly.
"How long has he been crying?" His voice was unusually concerned. You didn't think the King cared much for anything unless it was his cups or whores.
"All night. Nothing seems to settle him, Your Majesty"
He nodded in contemplation and stepped closer. You were rooted to the ground. Soon he reached you in a few quick steps and plucked the child from your arms.
It was like magic, with a few simple bounces, pats on his back and soft soothing escaping his lips, the child's wails began to lessen. It was like the King was a baby whisperer. The child knew when fire and blood were near.
"How... how?" You could only say, your eyes wide with shock and a pained relief.
"He is my child, he knows it is me" he whispered.
"But I tried everything, I have always taken care of him... Your Majesty", you nearly forgot his title.
"Maelor is fussy, spoilt. He will cry until I am here. I was late"
You soon came to the realisation, after sifting through your memories, that this was the first night you were the last to hold Maelor. The King did indeed care for the children, coming every bedtime to settle the child into his cot. All the while, you would clear the room of toys and his old day clothes.
"I never noticed, Your Majesty. I apologise" you bowed.
"Do not worry, even as King many do not pay attention to me"
"I am sure many do, Your Majesty"
The King chuckled, shaking his head with an almost sad smile. Not only did you realise he was rocking the child in his arms, but his feet were pulling on and off the floor. Once again in his cups you assumed.
"You smallfolk, still know nothing of this Keep" he said aloud in the barest whisper. He refused to meet your eyes, they were fixed on the child.
You didn't understand what had caused this bout of honesty. Before you had pictured yourself becoming Dyana, you knew how to escape that. But handling the spoken sorrows of a king, was something you were unprepared for.
"Tis my duty to care for your children. Not think of court matters, that is not my place Your Majesty"
"Of course, all none the wiser while we burn" he smirked sardonically.
"Are we to burn, Your Majesty?", your lip trembled at the words. You were pushing too far, eventually, he would find disobedience among the questions. Perhaps cast you out the Keep for insolence.
The King shrugged, a small shift of his shoulders. Too much like a child. "Perhaps, perhaps not. None of us wants to but maybe it is inevitable"
"Do you fear it, Your Majesty?"
The enquiry hung in the air. This was the moment it would all come crashing down. Your bags would be packed by dawn and onto the streets you would be cast. You walked a path so unpredictable, so treacherous, but you couldn't help yourself. There was a vulnerability in the King that had to be addressed. You doubted with the Queen's sensitive mind and their Mother's lack of emotional comfort that the King had someone to talk to.
The King has no friends, only followers, you once heard. And the phrase couldn't be truer now.
"The stranger comes for us all" he quoted with a mocking tone. The Queen Mother's pious voice was not lost on you.
"Not always, sometimes he's merciful"
"You think death can be a mercy?"
You had to tread carefully, "I have had yet to suffer to truly feel so. But in other's suffering, my family's, the darkest parts of me fear it's the only way"
"Would you willingly go to the stranger, four your family?"
"I love my family, I do. But I hope to be honest with my King. I would never be without a fight. I have too much to live for Your Majesty"
The King nodded, seeming to contemplate the thought, surprisingly considering your words despite your station.
"You are dismissed" he finally spoke amongst the silence.
And you didn't think twice before quickly escaping from the child's chambers. Your heart was thrumming in relief while it momentarily throbbed with regret. Something about the king was almost- no, it was pitiful. You couldn't help but look back and capture those eyes. They spoke of a pain far greater than you had realised.
You hoped soon he would find solace somewhere. Not just in his cups, or in whores, but in genuine company.
-
The next night you had returned to the nursery after tucking Jaehaerys and Jaeheara into bed. They had separated the two from baby Maelor due to his wails, endlessly echoing throughout the keep until the King came.
This time his crying wasn't as loud but he was so restless you couldn't help but swaddle him. You didn't hear of the crown swaddling their children like this, so tightly bound in a scarf their limbs were trapped against their bodies. You only ever saw them in long baby clothes wrapped in delicate fabrics, their arms and legs still free to kick. You hoped it would settle him to sleep, cast the child back to a time it was safe in the Queen's womb.
"He looks like a loaf of bread" The King chuckled, his eyes crinkling and smile wide like a jokester. You had made way to rise but his hand gestured you to stay.
"He is swaddled Your Majesty, hopefully, he will sleep better this way," you remarked, looking back down at the child. His eyes were still teary and his mouth contorted to release a powerful wail that never came, silent amongst the night.
"It seems you have discovered his weakness, why does it work?"
A King who is impulsive, reckless, and sinful, you wondered what turned him to question. He did not seem a man for curiosity if it was not amongst the Street of Silk.
"If you wrap them tightly they feel like they're in their mother again, where they were once safe and sound", the back of your finger ran down the child's cheek. Another cry threatened to blast from his lips as you shushed Maelor.
"It's a shame we cannot remember it like them" he nodded, and slowly he stepped closer. Almost cautious, making your hair stand on end.
"Is that jealousy I hear Your Majesty?" you quipped, trying to dispel your nerves; forgetting who stood before you despite speaking the title.
"Are you not jealous?" He countered, his brow suddenly stern with venom. You knew to tread carefully, you did not know what he was thinking.
"How can I miss something I've never known, Your Majesty?"
"Many people do. Money, power, women. They'll never have it yet crave it"
"And because of that, you think they're lacking?", your eyebrow quirked.
"Do you not lack in life? A wet nurse with no child, no husband, no power" he smirked, his tone full of mocking.
Your heart stopped, or the pain in your chest felt it did. Your gut had been punched, a wave of anger sifted through you that was uncontrollable, and the only thing stopping you from boiling over was the child in your arms. He was still a King, no matter what you saw the night before, he would always look down on you. No conversation could remould the chain. Change the way of things.
"I have a family that loves me, food in my belly, a roof over my head and work to keep me busy. I am lacking in nothing Your Majesty, I have everything I need"
"Because you do not know more than a small, meagre life. Never getting what you want"
"It is better than watching you drown your sorrows despite everything you have" you suddenly snapped and aback the King was taken. His poison lost on the truth you had spoken.
"You know nothing about me," he growled, stepping closer, his hand on the back of your chair, lowering himself face to face. His stark white hair had cast a curtain around you; there was nowhere to look but him, and you could not tear yourself away.
"Neither do you. I bet this is the longest conversation you have had with a woman without spreading her legs" You stood firm, you wouldn't show him weakness. It could mean your head but a part of you pitied. There was still a boy clawing for power and adoration behind those eyes.
"You think you are funny"
"Oh the funniest Your Majesty"
Your eyes were locked, battling in a silent rage.
"Why do you not fear me?" He uttered from the tense silence, breaking the atmosphere.
The words were lost on you, still lost when he gradually pulled away with the child taken into his arms. While you gnashed your fangs at one another, Maelor had found sleep among the chaos.
"I will take my leave, Your Majesty"
And with that, once again you fled.
-
"You are a strange woman" he sounded from the doorway, leaning against the frame as you looked over Jaehaerys. The boy had come down with a slight fever, nothing the measters couldn't tend to but, they insisted someone sit tight.
"Strange in what way Your Majesty?" you sighed, preparing to tolerate his presence after last week.
You had not spoken since, only coming into his presence so he could settle Maelor into bed. He could not manage a word between you before you ran to your cot.
"You come back" The King shrugged, his arms still knotted at his chest. You felt something brewing.
"Where else could I go Your Majesty?"
"There are many duties you could take up"
"Like your cupbearer?" You bantered with an edge. The King stalked further into the chamber, coming behind your chair. He fixed his hands to the corners of it, leaning close to your back.
"That does not sound too bad my lady"
"I am no lady" you shook your head.
"Then what is your name?" you hesitated for a moment. To disobey would be a great offence and you already offended too much.
You told him in a quiet whisper, hoping it evaded his ears. But the smallfolk achieved little victories in King's Landing. It echoed from between his lips with a slight slur.
"You are drunk Your Majesty" you came to realise.
"Never more than usual" he huffed.
"Still, what if you fell?"
"Is that a threat?" He chuckled lowly, his mouth suddenly at your ear.
You refused to lean away, refused to show weakness, and said that he had a chance of winning.
"It is an educated guess from knowing men too fond of their cups"
"I am not most men"
"No, you are the King. Even more, reason to be wary"
His hand came to curl a lock of your hair around his finger, his pull was so delicate but too close. "You speak so well for a wet nurse"
"My father was an educator, he spoke well and in turn, so do I"
He tugged slightly on the lock, and your head came into contact with his temple. It was too close for comfort but you swallowed the unnerving twang in your stomach. You assumed it to be an element of disgust but were surprised to feel your heart pull. How long had it been since a man played with your hair? Spoke to you so softly? Bantered back and forth with you? How long had it been since you felt wanted?
"Such a strange woman..."
"Should I thank Your Majesty?"
"What for?" You could feel the quirk of his brow against your head.
"For not demanding my attention but earning it?"
You did not hear an answer, did not see his mouth slip open to respond. Only the small, meagre coughs from Jeahaerys called your ears and onto him you focused. Not the King standing perplexed behind you.
Yet still, it was on that night, one so quiet and strange. For the first time in a long while, you admitted in the deepest cracks of your heart, you wanted something.
-
When you opened the door to Maelor's nursery you were surprised to see King Aegon sitting with the child on his chest. For the first time in two weeks, he was settled before you acted.
"You have overtaken my duties Your Majesty" You smiled quietly, it barely ghosted over your expression.
But he remained still, his eyes cast down. Or so it seemed. As you crept further you came to realise the King's state. When asleep like this he simply appeared as Aegon Targaryen. There were no drunken words, unsteady feet, no emotional rampage.
Your feet were delicate across the stone floor until you crouched slightly to gaze at his face closer. His features were still boyish, no longer contorted with stress and sorrow. His hair was strewn across his brow, short threads of silver like cobwebs- soft and delicate.
Without thinking, your hand came forward and brushed them aside, barely skimming across his pale skin. You hoped to stay like this for a little while longer but the contact snapped his eyes open. It was instinct that his hand seemed to trap your wrist in his grasp.
"What are you doing?" He grumbled, his grip becoming tighter. Your expression winced in pain, rippling fear across your body.
"I-I apologise, Your Majesty, forgive me" you stuttered.
"Who gave you the right to touch me?" He grimaced.
"Nobody Your Majesty, there... there was a bug" The lie was terrible, absolutely unbelievable and with the quiet laughter that rang out, you knew he knew it too.
"You think I am stupid", he threw your wrist from his grasp.
"I think you are merciful"
"Another word for weak" he scoffed.
"Mercy is only available to those with power"
He contemplated the words for a moment before standing, in quick succession he placed Maelor down and turned quick on his heels.
"Follow me" Aegon commanded resolutely, your position offered no chance to refuse. You were trapped but a bigger part of you remained curious.
Was this how Dyana fell into his snare? Goading her with comforting words. Did he play with her hair too? You thought.
You traced your steps behind Aegon, small and unsure until you reached his chambers. It was coming, you were sure of it. The guards at his door looked upon you with pitying eyes as you could only cast yours down.
Inside it was just as you heard, barren of the late King's possessions, littered with cups half drunken and yet to be taken away. You could hear him refusing it. Wine stains yet to be scrubbed from the floor littered the stone. The guards pitied you, but your own was reserved for Aegon.
He poured himself another cup, you recognised it as Dornish. The previous Lord you had worked under had a fine taste for it.
"You can call me Aegon in this room" he announced, extending a cup toward you. You took it with trembling fingers and thanked him. Only accepting the drink to hide the shakes that fluttered your limbs.
"I could not Your Majesty" you fretted.
"It is an order, you would not disobey your King, would you?"
"No, your Ma-" you looked up to see his eyes bore into you as the title hung from the tip of your tongue, "No, Aegon" you corrected.
"Marvelous, now! Let's drink"
"Excuse me Your- Aegon, why am I here?", Aegon paused the cup's movement, the rim just licking his lip.
"I am in need of a drinking buddy and honest companion"
"I am sure you have many of those at your disposal"
"None as pretty as you. Now drink, I insist"
Your cheeks blared a deep pink, heating your face to a degree your previous lover couldn't muster.
Unlike in his children's chambers, Aegon appeared more free than ever. Only in the nights did you spy on the King or keep his company, in those moments, there was a sadness riddled within the man too deep to weed out.
Your lips pressed to the rim of the cup before finally taking one gulp. Aegon's eyes of disapproval encouraged another, then a third before finally, he was pleased.
It was strong but unlike anything you had tasted before. It was spiced, not too dry and had a sweetness to it that lightened the mood.
"It is good Aegon" you complimented and for once, a genuine smile stretched upon his face.
"I knew you would enjoy it! Now come, come see" he gestured to the balcony. You felt like you were being dragged around like a child so excited to show you his toys. He was not a child in any way, but the desire for approval was apparent as Aegon pulled back the curtain with a proud, twinkling eye. Over the balcony King's Landing was alive, from here, there was much more to observe than from the nurseries.
"It's-"
"Amazing right? It is the day of rest tomorrow, I used to sneak out on this night" Aegon confessed with a giddy smile.
"I remember celebrating such nights" you shared with a small smile, "my family and I would head to the nearest tavern, unlike most, it was more... family friendly"
"You can guess I never had that. My Mother is too pious, Aemond too serious and then Heleana... well you know Heleana" he chuckled.
"She is a wonderful mother" you complimented.
"If only a better Queen, a better wife, a different woman"
"Do you not love her?" The territory you tread in was dangerous but Aegon relaxed at the question. It was as if he had been waiting for this moment for lifetimes. For someone to ask how he felt.
"Who can love a sister like a wife? It's...", he didn't have to finish.
"How old were you?"
"Fifteen... it is not so bad though, she does not care if I run away to the Street of Silk"
"Would you want someone to care?", you feared there was no coming back from this. You had given the King someone to confide in, would he ever let that go?
"Who knows" he huffed. "What of you? Did he run? Get cold feet before the altar?"
"Something like that, he passed the night before. He had engaged in a scuffle on the road. One punch and his head landed on a rock... he never woke up" Your tone then filled with mourning, despite how you tried to dampen the embers of grief flickering. Every time his face came into your mind you couldn't help it.
"Nothing works out the way we want it to" he huffed, leaning across the balcony. You followed suit, hoping the wind would dry the tears brewing.
"Smallfolk and King's alike" you commented before you clinked your drinks together, never taking your eyes from the kingdom below. "Where would you be now if you could?"
"Essos" he responded in a beat.
"Why Essos?", Aegon didn't even need time to ponder it.
"It is the furthest I could be from this shithole"
You hadn't drunk in a while, the wine had made your lips loose and you couldn't help but giggle at the foul language.
"Why not ride away on your dragon, who could stop you?",
"Have you seen Vhagar? My brother- the cunt that he is- would have me back on that throne before I could step out the Keep"
"Sounds like they need you" I nudged. The contact was sudden and free of thought- impulsive. It was too comfortable but Aegon only shook his bowed head with a smile.
Was this the man who hurt Dyana? Was this lost man truly a King that had caused such suffering? When thinking about it, it was easy to see. So starved of affection, of guidance, master to his whims so easily achieved. None of it was surprising. It was not easily forgotten, not forgiven, but easily understood.
The air changed in moments. Contorted into a silent understanding. You had grasped Aegon's mind in the palm of her hand so easily. He was a man so easily brought to his knees.
"Do you need me?" His tone had shifted so easily, lilting and calm. He sensed the wave that had come upon you.
You shrugged and downed the rest of your wine in two gulps. "I don't need much Aegon"
"Then do you want me?"
You played with the cup in your hand. The dangers of involving yourself like this was insurmountable. Absolutely hysterical. But you allowed yourself to ponder the idea. If you allowed yourself, what would come of it all?
You had not known the touch of a man for years and alone in your cot you slept dreaming of wanting, having the chance to want instead of being chained down by need. And just like you, Aegon stood there needing something to ground him, to offer a chance at respite. He was a broken man and perhaps, you could pay your pain forward.
"As long as you need me, I will stay by your side", the grin that curled at his lips was remarkable, warming your heart too quick to recall how cold it once was.
"Well then!" He clapped as he rose, "You need a refill and cheers to your promotion as my new drinking buddy"
You didn't know what to say, it all happened so fast but the response was spoken before you could catch it, "I would be honoured Aegon"
He raised his cup and handed you another when he returned it to the balcony. No longer were his eyes pitiful but bright and somewhat hopeful. It was a jarring change but one you welcomed nonetheless. At this moment, it felt perhaps something good could come of this. Perhaps, something could be changed.
"To friends found in strange places," he grinned,
"Indeed my King-" you agreed as your cups cheersed, "as long as it is wanted"
Aegon's hand then, once again, found itself in your hair, closer now as his finger twiddled and curled a lock around it. "As long as we want it"
And with that quiet admittance, you raised your eyes to his. Knowing that somehow, two suffering souls had found each other across oceans and chains of being.
#aegon ii targaryen#ao3 fanfic#ao3 writer#fanfiction#ao3#wattpad#fanfiction writer#aegon targaryen x reader#aegon x reader#aegon the second#hotd aegon#aegon ii#helaena#house of the dragon#house targaryen#hotd fandom#hotd#power dynamics#female reader#reader insert#fanfic#fanfic writing#fanfic writer#fanfiction writing#writing fanfic#fanfic authors#game of thrones#tw
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Manager: Do you know what is happening in April?
Us: No?
Manager: There is going to be a solar eclipse. Ontario is going to be in total darkness.
Me: Ah okay. (immediately thinks to Hades lol)
@eclipticis
#mun speaking#hades are you trying to destroy us humans again XD#what am I saying you are always trying haha
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20/10 stars little guy
#me (scrounging undetected autist whose ideal fashion sense is ''if i have to be seen at all: shrouded'') seeing encanto the other month.....#and on top of it all i LOVE slice of life. encanto being so focused on What It's About that there's so much of that + character / dynamic#also part of what i loved abt pixar luca. ppl like ''simple story but not a problem :)'' like YEAH thank god it's Also so slice of lifey#2021 what a year lol. though again i only Just saw encanto....tfw Studio Creative Control backs off a bit more than usual: Joy & Wonders#anyway i knew going in bruno wasn't an antagonist (fine if he was though b/c slay & b/c scapegoats can do whatever they want)#knew i'd love him b/c again Scapegoat shows up & i'm the Amazing Showstopping Totally Unique Never The Same gif on loop#but what a delight even beyond those expectations lol. love again how Focused the movie is on What It's About & Thee Points it makes#the Characters / Dynamics & the Metaphor & the plot stays right with all of that. the focus & importance re: thee scapegoats....#& bruno being disabled like whole layer of Yay Yay Yay spamming. that even when He's Back we're reminded he's not ''normal now'' or w/e#(i.e. presenting that as The Good Ending for the disabled outcast. vs just being embraced as part of the group again & accepted As He Is)#meanwhile was like hmm chat is there queercoding do we think? like is he queer: Yes. but is there coding? hmm#sure isn't cishet coded though. but i was also having the thought like fellas is it gay to [higher tenor tessitura or w/e] lol#made me go ''do i know this voice? ok do i know this name / face / actor? (i have never seen anything ever / bad w/names/faces/voices)''#indeed was like yeah haven't seen this; heard of this; seen it once ages ago no way i remember more than like 0.6 details#then from ''ohh haha I'm A Mammal That Cares....yeah i hear that'' to ''omg CHI-CHI RODRIGUEZ???? ;;0;;'' waaah fantastic revelation lmao#also the way Literal Future Seer ability was externalized to make it more wrangleable for plot is so impressive & fun & excellent#got a lot of [i like this thing i saw a lot] i got to say....guess i can do that w/the sideblog i made for one drawing i made last night#encanto 2021#bruno madrigal#also the way bruno is so Nervous + Hiding / Bold + Big Personality like yes ha ha ha Yes....tamped down as ''too much'' experience#also the [stuttering stumbling muttering mumbling] line: i fr nigh wept upon going back over a moment like what am i hearing here?#& realizing the answer was: it's bruno quietly stuttering a moment during this one line (& then (& then (& then)) i saw you) ;;;mm;;;#hang onnn....the first scapegoat who's driven off being Disabled is so real so ;m; that again they're like so he got Weirder; Okay ;;m;;#that we get jorge thumbs up nobody having an Aside to be like [ugh; this guy] or Anything. augh always have too much to say for 30 tags#fabric drape there sure not accurate but i was like okay if i try to really reference that i'm not getting this done tonight
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They're soulmates in every single universe and I miss them at the most random times.
#my characters#haha funny thing is that venus doesnt even exist in base plot she is ONLY for AUs#in base plot ego the ginger guy is a prince and serenity the navy haired guy is an energy alien#and serenity takes on the form of a human to be fake engaged to ego and its never meant to actually end up with them married#but serenity falls in love with the prince and feels immense guilt when they meet up#and then ego is like HAHA YEAH my life is the greatest cause i get to marry my best friend but technically youre best friend by default#since i have zero other friends because i cannot leave the castle which kinda sucks but whatever#and serenity can give his life force to others to keep them healthy and usually stops by to heal egos younger brother#so he looks tired a lot bc he is depleting his own life to help others#and and in au versions hes just chronically tired and very much in love with ego who is completely oblivious#and half the time they (bc theyre mine) are pining mutually thinking ahaha theres no WAY hed like me#or in egos case a lot of the time in the au its what if he only likes me cause i spoil him rotten bc im super wealthy and i love gifting#and serenity ! in base plot since he is an alien from like... space.... basically... another realm#he resides with another royal family in a different kingdom and the king there treats him like a son#which plays into the au versions where serenity is adopted and he just really loves his dad a lot#like really admires the man who adopted him and raised him as a single father who almost always has a connection to egos dad since#in base theyre just two kings being buddies and trying to get good relations between their kingdoms#but anyway ego is one of the few ocs i have that will actively say#I LOVE YOU SO MUCH : D very openly and i love that for him??#not a lot of my ocs will be that open about their feelings but ego is very good at communication and talking and stuff#compared to serenity who is an alien who doesnt even have to talk where he originated bc the aliens are just blue energy blobs#and they sense each other and communicate silently#so making him take a human form is like MMMM not sure how to interact like a normal human tbh#i owe art to one person then i am able to get back to indulgent stuff for me and reqs and stuff#this was just so i had something to post today since idk if the art i owe someone will be cool to post or not
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not even gonna tag this properly bc i don't wanna get Involved but i do have some Thoughts i need to get out into the void so here we go
(aaa quick edit: CW for mention/discussion of Boothill leaks)
#today's gone Badly and i'm upset but instead of venting abt it i'm gonna channel that energy into doing a bit of tag rambling abt Boothill#well. less abt Him and more abt uh. self-analyzing my anxiety surrounding contributing to fandoms. he's just today's catalyst#like. i know it's mostly a me thing. i'm hypersensitive to criticism and very conflict avoidant + socially anxious + perfectionistic etc.#so I'm the one that keeps myself from posting more stuff out of fear of being criticized or called-out for what i've made#bc inevitably Someone's gonna see it and think its OOC or a problematic take or they'll misread my intent. etc etc what have you#but like. that's inevitable. there's no way to communicate every single thing with all of the nuance required to avoid misunderstandings#and other times it's not a misunderstanding it's just a difference of opinions and that's Fine!! there's no accounting for personal taste#there's no accounting for several things actually. taste‚ bias‚ lore-knowledge‚ differing levels of chronic-online-ness‚ etc#so this isn't me complaining abt the state of fandom culture (although i do think. sometimes. ppl take shit a bit too seriously)#but anyways all of this is mostly just anxiety-fueled. it's not like i very often actually even receive negative feedback or anything#if anything ppl tend to tell me that i'm overthinking it and killing my own fun and worried that my stuff is more OOC than it is#which like. yeah. Yeah u right :) but that's just the way that i am! always losing the idgaf war i suppose#anyways what's Boothill got to do w this ur wondering. well. i've been thinking abt the quickly emerging concept that he's illiterate.#and it just. has me feeling a lot of ways. and watching ppl disagree over it has me feeling some Bad ways. bc it's def a loaded topic!#if you'll pardon the pun there. and i don't rlly have anything new to add other than that i'm conflicted abt it.#like yeah i saw the leaks days ago. of him mentioning 'not hitting the books' much as a child when we ask him why he sends voice messages#or voice Transcriptions ig. ykwim. and like. *braces for impact* ...i liked it? like. it doesn't feel right to call it endearing#i'm not trying to infantilize him. ok that's not the right word either but ugh. you know? what i mean?? who am i kidding even i don't know#it's not quite right to say that it feels like Representation either. but it's something close i guess#as a southern person myself who didn't receive a 'complete' education due to factors that weren't to do with my intelligence#the concept of seeing him as a capable force to be reckoned with and respected who also happens to have not received much formal education#i like that. i do. but there's so many issues w it at the same time. like. as i said‚ being southern myself has me Wary of the way Hoyo is-#writing him. as well as of the way that the fandom is taking the bits of his lore and running away w them. and i'm Very aware of how ppl-#will see a southern character and be All Too Eager to agree that they're lacking intelligence based on our Redneck™ stereotype#sigh. and before we even go too far with this. it's not even confirmed that hes completely illiterate. which is a valid criticism i've seen#there's Multiple reasons that could make him prefer voice to text. but regardless. i'm just worried that ppl will misconstrue my intentions#like. example: that edit i made the other day of him saying 'no thanks i can't read'. wasn't me playing into the stereotype of-#'haha dumb country boy can't read!' it was. in my eyes. something he'd say as a joke to make light of a potential insecurity#like. i think there's far more depth to Boothill's character if ppl could look past the surface. and i dont wanna contribute to the problem#but sometimes ppl Will have stereotypical traits and i wish the same could apply to characters as long as it's done Thoughtfully.
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on a note to all: my plotting style is something i like to call i have adhd and if i see you on the dash and have an idea chances are i’ll im you about it. i’m an anxious little dude who isn’t always active in a broad scope, and it’s always been my nature to reach out to people. that doesn’t make me even remotely anxious. not even remotely expected to answer me — i totally get it, sometimes you don’t feel the vibe — but a general psa about how i work. i come from the dinosaur era where the only way to communicate with one another on any level was to directly talk to them and frankly i don’t even know how else you’re ever supposed to plot with a person otherwise. like… how do you write if you never talk????
#CLAWS RETRACTED.#[honest to god this isn’t shade at anyone im literally just trying to explain i am never on the dash and when i am i take handfuls of rando#snapshots to send to whoever’s in my scope at that second. which is i know ridiculous but when you’re me and you’re mobile 100% of the time#because the other 75% you’re doing everything for everyone in your life it becomes exceedingly hard to WANT to stare at a laptop screen.#even if im home im 100% mobile most of the time. basically what im saying is: as an rper i will totally drop into your im’s randomly if#something strikes my fancy. if that’s not your bag i totally get it. the plotting call life has never been mine to own. a lot of the time#it’ll be a person likes it and then you reach out and it turns into ‘haha neither of us have an idea’ which then kills the whole thing.#hence why -i- tend to approach especially if you reblog something or wishlist it and it crosses my path. like. im so happy to try almost an#anything someone wants to give a shot so long as you feel like playing ping pong with me about it. I’ve always been an exceedingly social#person because i just… love people. and for a person literally exploding with anxiety… I don’t do anxiety about talking to people. I USED#to long ago until I LITERALLY forced myself to just… not give a fuck. but honestly? do it scared and now it’s just fucking do it. I#apologize in advance if I can be a pain in the ass and if it’s not your dig I comprehend an unfollow. im a very involved and interested#writer and frankly it’s how I keep myself able to enjoy this hobby by not making it too serious. like. sometimes I read someone’s rules and#im like Jesus Christ I would love to remember all of this but my brain only has so much ram. idk when the big invisible book of online#etiquette was written but I must have been sleeping in class for that one.]
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Looove feeling like a fucking child whenever I talk to kids my age ebecause I always feel like I’m either talking about my toys or like they’re better than me because I spent a majority of my childhood trying to make myself just as smart as everyone else because I genuinely thought I was stupid and didn’t deserve to live
#I wasn’t stupid I was like 10#god it doesn’t change the fact that I can’t fucking talk to people#I make my voice sound to nice I make myself talk quiet I don’t know how to respond#I don’t want everyone to hear me so I practactly whisper I don’t even say hi I just nod or wave#I love being autistic this is just the one thing I hate abt it is how fucking different you are from everyone else#I think differently I know that I don’t know how to navigate smth like this I always make myself the dumber or the less knowing one#I make myself think I’m a manipulator because I try so constantly to make people like me by making myself look like a ‘nice person’ like how#an animal plays dead or shows its stomach to say ‘oh don’t kill me I’m not a threat haha you want me around’#my therapist said I should try looking into psychology collage or smth she said I’d be good at it#I just think about how I think too much#my grades are shit I don’t wanna be in college for 8 years because my teacher said I’d be good at a job#then again I think psychologists make a lot of money and that could help with the art stuff#like Helen Highwater being a lawyer and doing all this crazy art shit on the side#fuck man what the fuck am I doing goodnight
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I wonder how many times I’ve googled whether I’m having a panic attack or an anxiety attack...
#vent#hohohahhaoho anyways#I am sooooo bad responding to things....#anyways I’m literally less than five seconds my heartbeat shot up to 144 bpm so. fun <3 my lucky number 44 wouldn’t have it any other way#anyways I need to cry but I can’t cry so you understand. I’m pacing my room and standing with locked knees#and trying not to fumble or bump into things while makin my sister a snack while smilin and being normal <3#do u understand. ough what is with TODAY whhhhh. is it the aderall?? did the adderall fuck me up today?? or ?? wha??#oghghgg why am I so sweaty JUST in my pits like that’s the WORST spot to be sweaty in#kitty is here <3 she can sense when I’m crazy 🤪🤪#I’m at 160 now <3 ogohohoo ahhhhh I can’t lay down right like that the one thing you shouldn’t do with a fast heart rate#hoho anyways the crippling fear of not being who I need to be for the people I need in order to be#sounds chaotic and strange cus of phrasing but. you understand#anyways my heart doesn’t even get like this when I’m like. performing a full page monologue in front of my peers#I can pretend to be a cat for a minute and a half and tell the dog to stay in their place and not get into mine#uhmmm yea idk I want people to feel comfortable being serious around me and prove I’m the friend to go to for things or be the one who under#understands. but I always feel like. a pariah. is that the word? idk. when I feel confronted with things all I can do is like. run away. cry#suffer alone cus it’s what I deserve. yeaaaa I’m going insane can you tell I think this is the first time since like. February where I feeL#SO bad ugh idk what. I did this to myself the fuck?? haha. hope it doesn’t stress me to hair loss and skin picking and disorderd eating and#bad (or should I say worse HA) sleep habits. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm sorry my problems are minuscule to others and I haven’t had a day of#any real discrimination or struggle in my life#i have everything I need. all I have to worry about is doing class work and attending lectures and watching plays. I don’t have to get thing#a myself or worry about food or a place to live. wooofff uhmmm. I wish I had someone here to squeeze me until I don’t feel like crying any#more. oh I feel so bad what the hell. and my nail is breaking ahahaha imagine. a life where my biggest problem I have to face is#a nail breaking mhmhmhaha#haha when you hold in your tears so hard your nose drenches your chin. sorry that’s gross ahaha idk what I’m doing flooding your dash with.#whatever this is. I’ll try to stop now. sorry
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It feels undeserving 👍
#once again thinking if i should like. not tell anyone#not tell anyone when the festival will be held nor my thesis defense#dont tell anyone absolutely anyone so no one can come see me#whyshould i make people waste time on seeing probably one of the worst things i have worked on#i feel. judged everyday. nothing is as good as it should be#this does not feel like a feat but rather a terrible shame#who cares about my degree i always feel like im being shamed when someone broughts up the fact im working on my thesis#i like what i study. dont get me wrong. and i dont think this in general. this is a me only issue and iknow that#and i know everyone would get upset with me#not like my mind cares haha the thoughts wont stop even if i try to be rational#i feel like such a terrible burden just asking for help. i feel like everyones thinking what a disappointment i am#i shouldnt need help. i should be doing this alone. and it should be way better than the garbage im making#last class the professors asked me 'why did u rate yourself so low? your work is fine'#i didnt even pick the low option i wanted. i picked a higher one to be generous with myself. i wish i had picked a 1. thats what i deserved#even if they say it looks good or that they r excited to see what i make. it all sounds like lies in my head#no one showing up is what i deserve. i shouldnt ask for help. i shouldnt celebrate anything#i wish people would yell at me and tell me what a fuck up i am#'the people that love you would be excited to help you if you would actually let them'#it all feels like a set up for showing what an idiot i am#haunted.txt
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I said what I did, but my writing currently is extremely flowy. There's no bumps, crevices, curves, hills.... It's complete and total legato. However in my case, the issue isn't with sentence variation. It's the way I word my sentences. It's too poetic and vibey. Honestly pretty cringe in many aspects, like it's doing its best to sound meaningful and deep. It works well writing oneshots, but if I ever wanted to write an actual chaptered story, it'd completely fail. I really need to learn how to write proper prose again...
#rambles#i say i need to but like who knows when that'll be haha#i like my writing as it is but it's pure self-indulgence#me being greedy and wanting to make a mic drop kind of statement#but that's not what fiction is always meant to be#sometimes you just want to tell a story#that needs no fanfare#and yet everything i write is fanfare#gotta go back to analyzing writing i really like again haha#thinking about it more if i had to describe my writing it's very pretentious#like a peacock showing off its feathers my writing is meant to be eyecatching#it's MEANT to sound good because that's how i purposefully engineered it. it's meant to draw you in#and i don't mean this in a good way#my writing is like a marvel movie#specifically engineered to rake in profit#and like marvel movies it's not always successful#but my stories are specifically written in a way to be showy and flashy#it does that to distract you from the fact that i am not skilled at writing#i really should try to write a legit chaptered story one day#it'll really highlight my weaknesses which is what i need#thinking abt it more my writing style is based upon my understanding of how ppl work haha#it's more of a psychological manipulative thing than anything else#gross lol
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my hard launch to get medicated immediately thwarted by healthcare professional who believes i am there to inconvenience them
#thinking more abt dr appt and it was actually dog shit#i was like hey i dont eat regularly for several weeks. and maybe bcoz i make insane amount of eye contact w new ppl i meet i was seen as a#healthy functioning adult individual idk u tell me#i show up. the doctor Has the notes. i am asked ‘so why are you here’ my brain shuts down and takes the ‘for a general checkup like any#other normal person haha’ im swept out the door in less than 15 minutes#like what the fuck is going on. ive always been on a fuck doctors bias bcoz every single time i go theyre tryna get me out of there as quick#as possible. like my hand pain?? charged me an expensive xray to tell me i was fine despite how much pain i suffer day to day#i try n not think abt the crushing reality of how hard it is for ppl to give a shit abt black bodies but holy shit#this stuff is fucking wild. and then who am i to say anything#.jrnl#its just hilarious that i am forced to take an anxiety and depression assessment and none of that comes into play. u are talking to an#unmedicated severely anxious and depressed person. u can lead me to some water and drown and they do it Every Single Time and im like ok#haha funny surely next time i’ll get something to make me feel better! two yrs later#whatever. bad brain yapfest
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WOW congrats on your wedding! When are you getting married? And if you have advice to give how do I feel comfortable in a long term relationship as a depressed and anxious gay lol my biggest fear is that my girlfriend will cheat on me or get bored and I don’t know how to overcome that
thank u 🤍🥹 we are getting married this summer :)
i don’t think i have any helpful advice tbh i am way too trusting and have always worn my heart on my sleeve so i honestly can’t relate to feeling anxious or fearing that my partner will cheat on me…but because you have already identified these patterns in yourself that means you can work on them and maybe heal your inner child/attachment issues? and like…just let yourself be loved and stop questioning why?
#im sorry haha idk what else to say really…#i make most decisions this way: accepting life is short and doing whatever is in my power to grab whatever love comes my way#and have as much fun as i can / do as much as i can / try as much as i can#while i still can#in the end you are the only one holding yourself back and depriving yourself of comfort & pleasure#idk i know that way of thinking doesn’t just make everything better and doesn’t just make your fears go away rofl#just like. think about the possibility of everything going right instead of thinking abt what could go wrong#wake up every day and think about that. wake up every day and tell yourself you are deserving of love and not everyone is out to hurt you#neural pathways babe - you gotta rewrite the script here#positive thinking / feeling / acting#it might sound like bullshit but that’s the only thing that’s worked for me. for what it’s worth#anyway now im done i wish i had something more helpful for you!!!#i am also just incredibly lucky to have found someone like ayesha who has always seen all my flaws and shortcomings and has loved me anyway#and has loved all the parts of me without hesitation. and has been so patient.#it was lucky. im lucky!!!#anonymous#me: idk what to say#me: keeps talking#classic#not ‘loved me anyway’ but she has just loved ME for everything i am/am not#and i hope you find that too
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Heloo can I request a smau where the reader and lando are dating and they always do date nights but its not really a date night cus oscar is always with them everytime lily isnt there and he just becomes their child 😭 thank you thank youu
just us, and your friend steve | lando norris
pairing: lando norris x reader
summary: at first you were annoyed by oscar being at all of your dates, until you started to miss him when he wasn’t.
liked by landonorris, oscarpiastri, and 572,016 others!
yourusername: date night with my boyfriend <3…and his boyfriend!
view comments below!
user1: oscar the certified 3rd wheel
user2: that picture is so cute
landonorris: i love you :)
yourusername: haha simp
landonorris: oscar give my girlfriend her phone back
yourusername: fine 😒
yourusername: i love you too lan :D
landonorris: there she is!
user3: man i would KILL to be a third wheel in this relationship
user4: i would be landos boyfriend 😏
user5: is lando oscar’s only friend??
landonorris: yes!
oscarpiastri: it’s not nice to lie lando
landonorris: im not lying?
oscarpiastri: i have other friends!
landonorris: oh…then why don’t you go hangout with them instead of 3rd wheeling with me and my girlfriend?
oscarpiastri: …
landonorris: that’s what i thought!
yourusername: that was not nice lando.
landonorris: it wasn’t meant to be nice, it was the truth!
yourusername: still, it was mean.
oscarpiastri; yeah lando. it was MEAN.
landonorris: don’t gang up on me??
user6: LMAOO they hang out for one night and they become like this 🤞
user7: i need more of this trio
danielricciardo: and why wasn’t i invited?
maxverstappen1: i have the same question?
landonorris: because you guys have other friends! for osc it’s just me and yn
oscarpiastri; I HAVE OTHER FRIENDS.
landonorris: shhh, shhh, shhh baby it’s okay. it’s okay.
yourusername: baby 🤨
landonorris: omg it just slipped out
user8: that’s…interesting!
user9: yn and lando are so cute together
user9: and oscar cute too ig?
user10: you guess?? that man is gorgeous
user11: the “…and his boyfriend” is TOOO funny. yn i love you
user12: she’s seriously so funny
user13: how can people hate her?
user14: they’re most definitely just jealous
maxverstappen1: oh but when i want to make a heart shaped pizza with you it’s weird?
landonorris: yes!
maxverstappen1: double standard much?
landonorris: she’s my GIRLFRIEND
maxverstappen1: AND WHAT AM I?
user15: i feel like im interrupting something
yourusername: how do you think i feel…
liked by oscarpiastri, landonorris, and 528,058 others!
yourusername: paddle and golf with my baby <3 and my baby 🥹
view comments below!
landonorris: why does he get the cool picture and i get that?
yourusername: i think both pictures summarize you guys perfectly!
landonorris: so he’s cool while i’m a loser?
yourusername: i didn’t say that but…
landonorris: WOW, already favoriting the child. i can’t believe this.
yourusername: my child will ALWAYS come first.
oscarpiastri: :D
user16: we went from “my bfs bf” to “my child 🥹”
user17: WE DID IT GUYS
user18: yn and lando adopting oscar agenda is HAPPENING
charle_leclerc: are you trying to steal my child from me?
yourusername: it’s not really stealing if he willingly comes with…
charles_leclerc: it’s just stockholm syndrome, don’t worry oscar i’ll get you away from them soon
oscarpiastri: im actually having lots of fun :)
charles_leclerc: OMG WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM
user19: we got lando and yn adopting oscar…but we lost this during
user20: totally worth it
danielricciardo: when is it my time to be adopted?
maxverstappen1: you are a 35 year old grown man.
danielricciardo: 😐
user21: why is max coming for daniel??
maxverstappen1: i’m bored. since APPARENTLY i’m not landos paddle partner anymore
landonorris: max…i can explain…
maxverstappen1: save it. don’t call me. don’t come by my house. we’re done.
landonorris: i see you watched diary of a wimpy kid
maxverstappen1: i did indeed..
user24: they’re at it again…
user22: max is so funny
user23: i love him
user24: oscar being so quite during all of his is so him coded
user25: he’s just enjoying being out and about
liked by oscarpiastri, landonorris, and 601,958 others!
yourusername: vacation with the boyfie <3
view comments below!
user26: omg lando looks so good
user26: i’m going into heat
user26: WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF
user26: GRRRR
user27: this is the first post in 2 months that doesn’t have oscar…
user28: and the crowd…cry’s?
user29; i can’t be the only one who thought oscar would 100% go with them on vacation
user30: i definitely thought so too!
user31: they’ve literally spend all their extra time together
maxverstappen1: how many times did he belly flop?
yourusername: i’ve been swore to secrecy.
user32: she’s so lucky
user33: right? ‘the boyfie’ IMAGINE BEING ABLE TO CALL LANDO NORRIS YOUR BF??
charles_leclerc: guess who’s with me right now 😏
landonorris: charles…don’t.
charles_leclerc: hehehe
yourusername: you’re just his rebound. you’ll never be me.
charles_leclerc: @/oscarpiatsri what do you think?
oscarpiastri: i still like yn better
charles_leclerc: i bought you ice cream…
oscarpiatri: you could never be her 🤷
yourusername; IM COMING HOME FOR YOU OSCAR
landonorris: see what you did charles?
maxverstappen1: how are you holding up?
yourusername: i feel like my hearts been ripped out of my chest. i have no reason to wake up.
maxverstappen1: oh!
user34: max was NOT expecting that answer
user35: if oscar doesn’t get himself over to that damn island soon istg
user36: THATS HER BOY 💔💔💔
oscarpiastri: did you find any crabs? :D
yourusername: yes. i will put them in my suitcase and take them with me to show you
user37: so this is crazy!
liked by maxverstappen1, landonorris, and 713,046 others!
yourusername: look who joined us!! my son <3
view comments below!
user38: THEY REUNITED!!!
maxverstappen1: how did she take it? 🤣
landonorris: she cried.
yourusername: i did not!
landonorris: yeah baby you did…
oscarpiastri: yn you know how much i hate agreeing with lando, but yes you did cry
yourusername: I MISSED MY SON, GOD FORBID I CRY??
user39: i get you yn. i really do
user40: omg this is so cute
user41: truly adorable
oscarpiastri: now i can see all the crabs in person :D
yourusername; THATS MY SON EVERYONE
charles_leclerc: he was mine first 🥲
yourusername: #getoverit??
landonorris; can’t believe you cried when you saw him
yourusername: i was EMOTIONAL
landonorris: in the four years we’ve been dating you have never cried when seeing me
yourusername: i see you all the time! no need to cry!
landonorris: i want you to cry! cry for me!
oscarpiastri: you could never be me ;)
landonorris: i will send you back to australia
yourusername: if you send him back, i’m going with him
landonorris: WOW.
user42: we have officially entered the era where yn is choosing oscar over lando
user43: her son > her boyfriend
danielricciardo: does this mean i can hop on a plane and go visit you
landonorris: NO. this is officially a family vacation.
danielricciardo: and i’m not family? 💔
yourusername: you’re that one uncle that you see twice a year and don’t talk to or interact with for the rest of said year.
danielricciardo; yeah that makes sense.
. . .
notes; thank you for requesting!! hope you enjoyed :)
#lando norris smau#lando norris x you#lando norris x y/n#lando norris fluff#lando norris fic#lando norris fanfic#lando norris imagine#lando norris x reader#f1 x reader#f1 fanfic#f1 imagine#f1 fic#f1 x y/n#f1 x you#f1 x female reader#f1 social media au#f1#f1 fluff#formula one smau#formula one x you#formula one x reader
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bang bang, kiss kiss. - p.js
pairing. boss!jay x employee!reader genre. age gap, porn w some plot, long drabble warnings. swearing, infidelity (jay cheating on his wife), homewrecker!yn (sorry), age gap (reader is 21 jay is 31), smut [ office sex, impregnation kink, creampie, oral (f. receiving), degradation, pussy slapping, manhandling, spit ]
a/n. attempt number 2 of trying to make yn a bitch ahaha anyways enjoy whats been plaguing my mind the past few nights. not proofread so pls disregard any typos haha
Park Jongseong's wife had a lot of nerve.
Calling the workplace and disrupting Mr. Park with nonsense you cant even begin to comprehend. He's far too good for her, adhering to her every beck and call, missing out on detrimental meetings and interviews with high-profile clients just to tend to his dumbass wife.
God, you hated her.
As Jongseong's personal secretary, it was your responsibility to keep his business in order, and most importantly, keep him stress-free; which is why you were more than happy to suggest he keep his cell phone off and locked away in your desk for the day, to ward off any unnecessary distractions.
"Always looking out for me, huh?" Jongseong asks, leaning against your desk with a smirk as he willingly hands you his locked iPhone.
"Always," you repeat, not breaking eye contact as you drop the phone into your drawer and slam it shut.
"And what if my wife needs to reach me?"
Your expression goes stoic, and a little bit annoyed. Jongseong knows you hated whenever he brought up his wife in any context, even a hypothetical one.
"She knows your e-mail address," you respond through gritted teeth, your eyes panning over to the empty excel sheet on your desktop.
Jongseong nods, amused and slightly aroused at the distaste you have for his wife. It's fucked up, he knows it is, but he just can't help it. The jealousy in your eyes at the mere mention of his wife was enough to drive him crazy. He loves that you hate her, and how envious you were of her; so desperate to be his wife instead.
"I suppose that's true; but if she calls, just forward her over to me, yeah?"
You don't respond, blatantly ignoring him as you open a new Google tab on your desktop and search 'avg cost of divorce south korea'.
Jongseong leans over, eyes lighting up in a mixture of surprise and amusement as he peeks at your screen, "You're funny, YN," he says, biting back a laugh.
"I'm not joking."
"I know," he stands, shoving his hands into his pockets, "that's the best part. I'll ping you if I need anything."
You nod, chin resting in the palm of your head as you continue to stare at your computer. The results of your Google search were anticlimactic, not one direct answer on the average cost of divorce. Just your luck.
Jongseong discretely glances around the office, making sure all other employees were occupied with their own tasks before leaning down and tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear, the sudden action causing you to stare up at him wide-eyed and raise a confused brow at him.
"And you let me know if you need anything, okay? Anything at all." He says, voice dropping to barely above a whisper.
Music to your ears, really, having Jongseong at your disposal while his own wife would have to fight tooth and nail to even speak to him today. It's a dream come true.
You clear your throat, adjusting your glasses as you straighten your posture, "Okay."
Jongseong smiles down at you one last time before turning on his heels and making his way down the hall and into his office.
A few minutes have gone by when you receive a message.
Jongseong Park [ 10:20 am ] : Around 1-5M KRW, higher if there are any court battles involved.
You [ 10:20 am ] : noted :)
Of course she'd show up to his workplace, so fucking relentless.
You can't really blame her, not being able to call or text Jongseong all day only to have his personal secretary dodge any calls made to the office surely would drive you crazy. Still, she has a lot of nerve.
"Sir, your wife is here," you grit into the phone, glaring daggers at said wife, Park Yunjin, as she scrolls on her phone.
"Shit, should've known," he sighs, "I'll be out in a few, just finishing something up."
You don't bother saying goodbye, slamming the phone down so hard that it startles Yunjin and a few of your coworkers. "He'll be out shortly."
Yunjin smiles, "Thank you, I got kinda worried when I wasn't able to get in touch with him, you know?"
Not interested in making small-talk with Yunjin, your responses to her are limited to hums and polite nods, fighting the urge to slam your head on your desk while ripping your hair out.
After what feels like an eternity, Jongseong finally emerges from his office and calls out for Yunjin, holding back a smile at the sight of the two of you being in the same vicinity.
Yunjin turns, cocking her head to the side with an annoyed look on her face, "Are you busy?"
Jongseong shakes his head, "Not at the moment, come in," he says, pushing his office door wide enough for her to enter.
Adjusting the purse on her arm, Yunjin makes her way down the hall and into the office, glancing at you over her shoulder one last time as she does so. She's suspicious of you, that much was obvious. You're much younger than her, obviously attractive, and the only other person who spends as much time with Jongseong as she does. You know him like the back of your hand, while she could barely get her husband to open up to her.
She has every right to be suspicious, though, considering you are fucking her husband behind her back.
Thirty minutes have passed when Yunjin finally exits his office, her expression unreadable as she shuts the door behind her, strutting out of the office without so much as a glance in your general direction.
Your eyes follow her every movement, staring so intently that you nearly miss the newest messages from Jongseong.
Jongseong Park [ 3:54 pm ] : Are you able to stay a little longer tonight? Need your help with some stuff.
Jongseong Park [ 3:55 pm ] : Dinner on me as an apology for the inconvenience
You [ 3:58 pm ] : of course, whatever u need :)
You don’t think much of it when you slip into Jongseong’s office later that evening.
He doesn’t bring up the incident with his wife and neither do you, opting to engage in light, easygoing topics as you help your boss complete his workload. It wasn’t much besides transferring over data into excel and responding to some emails, surely not enough work that required staying after hours, but Jongseong’s promise of a free dinner was enough to intrigue you.
And the fact that you’d be spending time alone with him, of course, free of your coworker’s wandering eyes and his wife’s disruptive behavior.
Your remaining coworkers had finally left for the evening, stopping by Jongseong’s office to briefly wish the two of you a good night and a safe trip home.
It’s around seven p.m. when you’re finally finishing up the excel sheet, your tired eyes carefully inspecting each and every corner of the screen, double-checking for any minor errors.
“Almost done?” Jongseong asks, swiveling in his office chair to face you.
You nod, offering him your laptop, “Think so, just need you to look it over.”
Taking the laptop from your hands, Jongseong looks over the screen for half a second before shutting it and handing it back to you. “Looks good to me. Get on the desk.”
You pause, mouth falling open as Jongseong begins to loosen to tie, “Wait, can I expl-”
He crosses the short distance between your seat and his, snatching the laptop from your grip as he forces you to stand, “No more excuses.”
Tossing the MacBook onto your now empty chair, Jongseong hoists you up on his desk, his rough, calloused hands bunching up your skirt until it’s settled around your waist. He doesn’t even give you time to prepare, sliding your thong down and off your legs with a quick yank of his hand.
He lowers himself before you, knees hitting the carpet as he becomes eye level with your cunt. Jongseong gathers a wad of saliva in his mouth, staring straight at you through hooded eyes as he spits directly on your pussy.
You shiver, swearing under your breath as he rubs the saliva onto your folds, “Think you’re so fucking funny, huh? Trying to upset my wife.”
Ugh, there he goes again talking about his stupid fucking wife.
“She’s a distraction, you got so much done today without her bitching in your ear.” You plead, gripping onto Jongseong’s desk with your eyes squeezed shut as he slips a thick finger into your hole.
It’s true, Jongseong had managed to get a lot more work done today than usual now that his wife wasn’t distracting him. Still, he can’t admit that, your ego was already big enough as it is. He’s sure if he inflated it any further your head would explode.
He teases a second finger at your entrance, amused at how easily it slides in from his wet you’ve gotten; it hadn’t even been five minutes and his hand is practically drenched because of you. “Doesn’t matter, you should’ve listened when I said to forward her calls. She already doesn’t like you and you just made it worse.”
Yunjin seeing you as a potential threat had you over the moon, a wicked grin on your face that only pissed Jongseong off further.
His fingers thrust in and out of you at a pace he’s never used before; he’s rough, flustered, and downright mad. His eyes narrow up at you, pulling his fingers out of you entirely to deliver a harsh smack on your clit.
Your body jolts, the sting of the slap sending an unfamiliar, yet arousing, shockwave throughout your body. You’re suddenly grateful that all the other employees have gone home for the evening, because the loud miss that escapes your lips surely would’ve had them running to HR.
Jongseong doesn’t even give you time to recover or process what’s happening, a smug look on his face now that he’s successfully wiped the cocky smirk off of yours. He leans forward, plump lips wrapping around your already swollen clit, swirling his tongue around it as he tugs it into his mouth.
He spits again, using his tongue to mix his saliva with your wetness to make a mess of your cunt. ”That’s funny to you? That you just made shit worse?”
You nod eagerly, another painful slap being delivered to your cunt as a result. You jolt again, tears welling up in your eyes as your back arches off his desk. He rotates between aggressively lapping at your clit, thrusting a third finger into your sopping hole, and delivering more slaps to your cunt, each smack harder than the last, leaving your entire body quivering.
By the seventh slap, the knot in your belly finally snaps, a loud slew of sweats falling from your lips as you come on the palm of Jongseong’s hand.
He doesn’t even give you the chance to catch your breath, standing as he shoves various paperwork and other miscellaneous items off his desk before forcing you on your back.
“I hope it was fucking worth it,” he grumbles, undoing his belt and zipper.
You nod, “It was.”
“Shut the fuck up.” He says, punctuating his sentence with another smack to your cunt. Your body is still spasming from your orgasm, the aching sensation between your thighs only adding to the overstimulation.
He pulls down his trousers and boxers in a swift movement, fully-hardened cock smacking straight against his abdomen. He pumps himself a few times before aligning his tip against your entrance, not giving you any time to prepare or adjust to his size before plummeting himself into you with a harsh thrust.
You cry out Jongseong’s name, back arching off his desk as you reach to hold onto his shoulders. His fingers move to your clit, rubbing harsh circles as he picks up his already fast and aggressive pace.
He’s relentless, fucking into you as if you were his own personal pocket pussy. There’s no doubt Yunjin would let him do this shit to her.
He takes your hand, pressing it down on your own abdomen as he pushes himself inside of you. Even from the outside you can feel his cock bulging into you. “You feel me right there?” He asks, breathless.
You nod wordlessly, a tear trickling from your eye as you do so. Jongseong leans down, unintentionally pressing himself further into you as he kisses the tear away, “You okay?”
You nod again, cupping Jongseong’s face with your hands before bringing him down to kiss you. It’s soft and sensual, making your heart rate increase as he tilts his head to allow himself further into your mouth.
Your legs wrap around his waist, pulling his body closer and furthering his cock deeper into your pussy. He swears under his breath, pulling away to press open-mouth, wet kisses on your neck and cheek. He stills for a moment, enjoying the feeling of your warmth wrapping around him as he’s peppering kisses across your collarbone.
He grabs your hand, interlocking your fingers together before thrusting into you again. He starts off slow this time, seemingly relishing in the feeling of your cum coating his cock.
He doesn’t let up after that, his thrusts becoming much harsher than what you expected, so rough that you’re nervous he may break the wooden desk supporting both of your weight.
“Fuck,” he groans, tip of his cock practically slamming into your g-spot, “gonna cum.”
“Please,” you beg, eyes fluttering shut as your second orgasm approaches.
Jongseong opens his eyes, taking note of your smudged makeup and how fucked-out you look. “Want me to cum inside you, huh? Fill you up until you’re nice and pregnant with my baby?”
You nod embarrassingly because you do want that, to be able to carry Jongseong ‘s child, clinging to his side to let everyone know it was him that did this to you.
He shakes his head with a chuckle, “Fucking knew it.”
That exchange seems to be enough to drive him to his orgasm, because a few seconds later he’s spilling himself inside of you, thick, white ropes of cum coating your insides. It’s the most he’s ever came, chest heaving with exhaustion as he catches his breath.
You’re only a few seconds behind him, ironically calling out for God as your own orgasm hits you.
His office goes quiet, the only sounds being your staggered breath along with his overhead ceiling fan.
Jongseong pulls himself out of you, immediately shoving two fingers inside your hole to keep his cum from drilling out of your pussy. Your body jolts again as you let out a pathetic, “Jongseong, please.”
“Not letting it go to waste.” He says simply, using his thumb to rub small circles on your clit. “Besides, you said you wanted me to fill you up right?”
“Yeah,” you whisper.
“Good,” he groans, “now lie on your stomach.”
#enhypen#enhypen smut#enhypen imagine#enhypen x reader#park jongseong#park jongseong imagines#park jongseong smut#jay park#jay park imagine#jay park smut#kpop imagine#kpop smut#park jongseong x reader
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pre-relationship bullshit haikyuu teams probably had to put up with before various ships managed to get their shit together
daisuga probably was really annoying with like small/petty jealousy, like a girl would hit on one of them and the other would be standing behind their back making faces about it and mocking it and everyone else on the team just has to put up with it. and then theyre all overly sweet to each other to make up for the petty jealousy or some odd version of "winning them back" after the flirting event and the team is rolling their eyes *so hard*
i think asanoya is so annoying bc nobody can convince Asahi that Noya likes him. Like full stop. Eventually someone pulls him aside and is point blank like "Noya said he has a crush on you ask him out" and Asahi is just like: "Haha he was probably joking" and just leaves the scene. Like the absolute refusal to believe it from Asahi combined with Noya's classic teen boy inability to be sincere means that even after theyve both been told they somehow still havent gotten together??? how long is this going to take???
tsukkiyama probably ruins everyone's week the week before they get together bc one of them *saw* a confession letter stuck into the other's bag and absolutely went (emotionally) off the rails for the days leading up to them discovering it was for them.
I am fully of the camp that iwaoi start dating before they label it/make it official so the whole team is screaming like "PLEASE HAVE A CONVERSATION ABOUT IT" meanwhile Oikawa is saying "we just went on a few dates and kissed a few times it doesnt mean anything" and Iwa is in the background shouting "yeah I dont wanna be anyone's boyfriend that's lame" and then they wander off to go eat dinner together holding hands and the team is left in frustration because ALL they talk about is how theyre *not* in a relationship.
for bokuaka its mostly just Bokuto pestering every goddamn person he knows for like 4 months asking "do you think Akaashi likes me?" or "do you think he'd say yes if I asked him out?" and then one day making Konoha *snap* when he says "I need to tell you a secret" and the secret is that he has a crush on Akaashi as if nobody had known that
with ushiten I imagine Tendou was probably really obvious with his crush/interest but in like a very casual "not taking myself too seriously" kind of way so he's comfortable openly flirting, and Ushijima, against everyone's expectations, doesnt seem to mind the attention but is still who he is, so the whole team just has to put up with the most INSANE interactions. Like Tendou walks into the locker room and cat calls him and Ushijima just replies with a formal "thank you" and Semi is contemplating slamming his head in a locker. There's like 12 months of this.
okay okay but I think arankita is *very classic* in that Aran compensates for his crush by over-supporting Kita. so like the whole team gets super annoyed bc Aran wont risk disagreeing with him, is always offering to do extra work, is generally just sucking-up really badly and the twins suffer the most for this bc Aran used to just ignore their antics but now he's super annoyingly on them all the time to try and impress Kita
kuroken is a little different. Yaku asks Kuroo every single day if he's asked Kenma out yet. Lev asks Kenma if he has a crush on Kuroo every chance he gets. Fukunaga gives them a wink when they leave practice to walk home together. This is the only pairing in which the team is the irritant pre-relationship and then post-relationship everyone loses interest and moves on.
I'd include kagehina but once again the entire goddamn show is everyone putting up with them flirting so whats the point.
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Just Like Him
Summary: When you argue with Jason, you slowly start seeing less of Jason Todd and more of Bruce Wayne. (Jason Todd x reader)
Word Count: 1.9K
Notes: I legit came back home from a night out and sat here editing this till 3am cause I refused to miss a post haha. A little bit shorter due to that and I'll do a second look over it later. Only warning for this is mentions of violence as usual for most of these, and that it hasn't been as edited cleanly as usual. Tomorrow's post might be really delayed too since I've got events tomorrow too. Anyways, enjoy my Lovelies~! xx
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You had loved Jason. You did love Jason.
You loved the boy who was too awkward to hold your hand when you went out in public, who left you notes at your door when he was too frustrated and too pent up to explain himself properly. You loved his habits, his quirks, the way that he cooked you food if he knew he was going to be out for a few days, silently leaving it in the fridge in the hopes you’d keep yourself healthy.
You also loved the dark sides of him, the nightmares he woke up to, skin sticky with sweat. You loved him even when his eyes were lost in the darkness, unable to tell who you were exactly but still seeking the comfort of your arms to shield him. You loved him even when he tensed outside in public, a sound, a smell, setting him off and making him clench onto your hand. His eyes were scared, but you didn’t mind bringing him back into reality, letting him know that you were here for him.
Yet on nights like these, you love for him faltered slightly. These were the nights that you couldn’t temper, the ones here he burned angrily and bit hard. He was currently pacing the kitchen, hands in his hair after a rough patrol.
“You just don’t understand.” He murmured over and over. “Maybe you just don’t get it. Maybe you just never will. How could you even try to?”
That hurt you, the way he talked like you weren’t even there. Like you weren’t in tears on the other side of the kitchen island. Like you hadn’t been having this argument for an hour how, sunset drinking its way into the dusk.
This was the part of Jason that hurt you, the coarse side that snarled and growled at you like he was an injured dog. The side that looked at you with those striking green eyes narrowed into slits, who spat words like he’d never seen you before.
“I do understand Jason.” I you sigh. “You want to protect this city, you want to change Gotham, but don’t you dare tell me what I know or don’t, when I’m asking you to just be home more. Is it really that hard to protect the city and go out for a date?” You sigh, heart beginning to falter under the scrutiny of his gaze. “I know you can’t always be there. Neither can I, but please,” you say, folding your arms across your chest. “Please be there for me.”
“I am.” He groans back out, making a flicker of irritation spark in you.
“Not you’re not.” You counter. “You leave dates, you leave dinners, you don’t come home some nights. No warning, no text, no notice.” You snap back. “Being there for me is being at those dinners, going on those dates, coming home, spending time in bed with me.” You snap. "it's not cold sheets, cold food, cold feet on date nights. Step up."
He throws his hands up in the air, teeth clenched. "Can't you see I'm trying to save the city? trying to stop it from eating itself from the inside? You know its corrupted, you know about the violence. Hell, you got shot." he snaps back. His fists are tightly clenched by his side, eyes burning into yours. You stare back at him defiantly, and it makes the frustration in him rise.
He knows he's not good at words, knows that he's rough around the edges. The voice in his head tells him that when he sits up at night, when he finally comes home. His head leans back against the headboard whole you sleep peacefully beside him, rolled completely onto your side. His fingers twist in the sheets, as it speaks at him, tells him that he's not good enough to be with you. That the city isn't safe enough, that he needs to make it safer. He wasn’t the safest out of Batman's gang of protegees. He had a hit list that had started while he was just a young teenager and continued to have names added every other week. He'd been shot at, stabbed, thrown into and off of buildings, and that was something he was fine with. that was his job, his burden.
But when you got shot, that's when life really had caught up with him. It was like he had been living his life in slow motion up until that point, until it all rushed forward like a wave on double speed. He hadn't erven been there, halfway across town with Nightwing on some stakeout when he got the call. Dick had let him go without a word, merely watching him speed away on his bike before calling in backup from the cave to replace him. He didn't care that Bruce would get mad at him for abandoning his post, he could go to hell. What he cared about was you, and the fact that he hadn't been able to protect you, been able to stop it from happening. He heard about it only when the hospital called him, informing him that you were being prepped for surgery immediately.
How bad was it? Was it just one shot? Did it go cleanly through? Where were you hit? What calibre? What make? What model? Where did it take place?
Those were all questions that Red Hood might have been allowed to ask if he had worn the mask and marched through the emergency department, but he couldn’t do that. If he did it would be a giant target on your back, associating you with his vigilante life in the most obvious way possible. Instead, he had to race through the doors breathless as Jason Todd, the worried boyfriend who had to be held back by security trying to get to your ward.
You had of course recovered, learnt to walk again on the leg that caught a stray bullet from a gang shoot out in Lower Gotham. It had been worryingly close to your artery, but you had pulled through. Jason couldn’t deny the fact that his status as a Wayne kid helped your care and the way the hospital aided your recovery. With a harsh word, Jason could have any of their licenses revoked.
That's why Jason did it. To make sure that the fear that gripped his heart that night never had the chance to wrangle him like that again. He'd fight night after night and come home with a string of broken and bloodied knuckles if it meant that you would be okay. It's all he can think about as he stares you down in the kitchen, watching your jaw twitch.
"Don't you dare use the fact that I got shot, against me." you seethe, hand coming up to point at him. "That wasn’t my fault, and it could have happened to anyone in the town, it's Gotham, Jason." you bite back, and he throws his hands up.
"That's exactly the problem! It's Gotham." he shouts. "You can get shot, or stabbed, or killed. Anyone can. one day you're here, the next you ain't. You really want to go out there, sweetheart? You got shot and you want to tell me not to clean the streets up? The sheets are cold? Well, they'd be a lot colder if you were dead." he spits back, and you are too stunned to say anything. You shake your head, a look of realisation coming over you.
"Oh my god," you breathe out. "you're just like Bruce. You’re no better."
That makes something in his freeze, halting all of his movements and shutting down his train of thought. You see it, see the way his bright green eyes widen and his head tilts slightly, making the white tuft in his hair flop over his eyes as you continue. "You're so obsessed with cleaning up the city. So obsessed with fighting out there that you can't give it up even for a second. You both can't. You criticize the man, tore him apart for his neglect just to do the exact same god damn thing.” Tears begin to prick your eyes in helplessness, lump building in your throat.
"You can’t see yourself out of that stupid helmet." you say, choking up as the tears clog your vision. "When was the last time that you read?" you ask, sniffling. "When was the last time you did a hobby, or rode your bike as a civilian? When's the last time we went on a date or held hands, or went to the park, or the library or anywhere?" you yell at him, hand coming to claw at your heart.
"When was the last time you were Jason?" you whisper softly. "Because right now, I feel like Jason Todd has died for a second time." you choke out. "Except this time, it wasn’t Joker who killed him."
You wipe your eyes with your sleeve while you leave him stunned, pushing past him to go into your bedroom. When the door slams harshly it snaps him out of the stupor he had found himself in, body swivelling on his heel immediately to follow you.
You didn't respond to his soft knocking at the door, or his calls. You didn’t accept the apologies he murmured into the wood, didn't bother to listen to his promises or ways that he swore he could make it better. It was only when he began knocking desperately, worrying building, that you swung it open violently.
Your face is a mess, sticky with tears and chin wet. Your breath comes out in small hiccups as you try to collect yourself, still mid sob as you shout at him. "Couch." you seethe, your puffy eyes glaring at him with a hurt filled dagger before the door slammed in his face. He sighed, forehead against the wood before pushing off the door frame with a click of his tongue. He plops down onto the living room couch with a groan, legs thrown over the side to try and accommodate for his size. He raises an arm to cover his eyes, other arm grabbing a couch cushion and bringing it to his chest.
"You're just like Bruce, no better." rattled around in his skull, making him chew at his lip. He didn’t like that. He didn’t like being compared to Bruce, even if he respected the man at times. He had come back, intending to be everything for others that Bruce had failed to be for him. Yet according to you, he was walking the same steps the man before him had traced.
Was he really no better than Bruce?
He groans and removes his arm from his eyes. He casts them over to the turned off TV, catching the sight of a much younger Robin peering back at him. With a smile the boy took off the domino mask and revealed the childish figure that was young Jason Todd. He raises a hand to his face as well, mirroring what he had just seen the reflection do. Except when he pulled his hand away, studying the digits instead of the TV screen, he could still see the remnants of the Hood he failed to leave at the door.
#messenger of babel#angstober 2024#day 25#fanfic#angstober24#angstober#angst#dc comics#dc fanfic#dc x reader#dc#jason todd x you#jason todd#jason todd angst#jason todd x reader#dc robin#red hood#red hood dc#red hood x reader angst#red hood x you#red hood angst#red hood x reader#dc jason todd#jason todd dc#dc red hood#jason peter todd#the red hood
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