#is it insecurity? is it self hatred?
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does anyone else lowkey get really uncomfortable when they have to take a picture of themself or have to be in a picture...? ...no? just me? okay
#in all seriousness i actually hate taking pictures of myself because i always look cringe and really ugly no matter what I do#that's why I don't have the heart to face reveal (not that I trust you fucks with my face /j)#no but seriously man it makes me so uncomfortable#like i have an old picture of me from 2-3 years ago where I was just posing with my two best friends by standing there with a peace sign#and I cringe every time I look at it#that's why I take ~1 picture of myself a month#and usually they're just .5s or pictures to see something#not to picture me#yk?#and then also ppl try to tell me they don't care if it's ugly or smth but the problem isn't that I'm worried about what they would think#the problem is what *I* would think#every time someone takes a picture of me I just say shit like “oh haha I look so ugly haha” but secretly I want to cry#idk what this is#is it insecurity? is it self hatred?#I don't know anymore#anyways. long ass rant#remember to subscribe and hit that bell am I right?? haha
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You can tell by the reaction people have to Penelope asking Colin to kiss her whether they ever experienced being a wallflower/insecure fat girl at a party or not.
Because you say it's pathetic, I say it's relatable, no matter how desperate it may sound. If you've never had your insecurity eat you up from the inside (but also the outside, as Portia literally told Penelope that she was delusional for thinking she was gonna find a husband in her third season out) to the point you genuinely, wholeheartedly believe no one will ever love you unless you physically change, then obviously the scene is off to you.
But Pen literally told Colin she felt stupid for thinking she's gonna find a husband (she just started believing what the ton and her mother said) and that she knows no one would want to kiss her. And for a romance girl like her, do you think the thought of never having a kiss, never experiencing that passion, would be easy to bear? I can so relate to being the most romantic of the bunch but also being the loneliest and aching for physical and emotional romantic love.
She is so vulnerable and so real in that moment but y'all gotta bitch about it because it doesn't make sense to you. It doesn't make sense to me either because she's gorgeous, but that's the thing - no one ever told her she's gorgeous and actually meant it. And even if they did, there must be 10 more people who didn't that keep that insecurity in her, specifically her sisters and her mother.
Nicola said this one was for the wallflowers, and it truly is, so if you find scenes like this cringe, you just don't relate to the character enough to feel it and recall moments when you had the same thoughts as her.
#sorry for ranting#but my girl is insecure and vulnerable#of course she will make decisions that are not really the best#but clearly her self-hatred is running so deep she truly believes she will die before someone will kiss#her#and if that ain't the most relatable thing ever#polin#bridgerton#bridgerton season 3#bridgerton s3#nicola coughlan#bridgerton 3#penelope featherington
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My hot take is that if Roman were to "duck out" the way Virgil did in Accepting Anxiety, the result would be something akin to clinical depression. Roman has always been more than Thomas's creativity, he's also Thomas's drive, his passion, his desire. The motivation and ability to make art, or work, or even build relationships. All of that is wrapped up in Roman.
Sure, there are other motivating factors as we've seen in the videos on the topic. Logan motivates with the knowledge that work puts food on the table, Virgil motivates through fear. But Roman is the only one who motivates through love and joy, through hopes and dreams. Because while Patton is driven by emotion, he's more impulsive, more driven by what will make Thomas feel good in the moment, as opposed to Roman who while fanciful and emotional, is ultimately driven by plans and goals for the future.
Therefore, without Roman, Thomas would have no drive. No passion. No desire to make or do anything beyond base necessities for staying alive. No ability to see past immediate survival or imagine a possible happier future. No hopes and dreams. No spark. I don't even think Virgil's strongest panic could override a complete lack of passion for anything. Thomas would feel anxious and awful, but he still wouldn't be able to do anything.
And that's basically what clinical depression is. It's not just being sad--it's being exhausted, and numb, and unable to get out of bed in the morning because you just don't care about anything anymore. It's not finding joy in the things you used to love the most. It's feeling paralyzed because there are so many things you should be doing or you want to do, but you simply can't. Depression is, at its core, a lack of passion, joy, and drive.
#Sanders Sides#Sanders Sides analysis#Roman Sanders#there's also the notion that Roman represents Thomas's confidence or ego#without Roman there to provide a boost to his self-image#that leaves Virgil to heighten Thomas's insecurities with noone to balance him out#low self-esteem/self-hatred is obviously another common facet of major depression
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It’s truly fascinating to see Lando contrasted with Charles, like Lando, sitting there looking completely normal: having a full meltdown over a slightly askew curl. Charles, purring: I look perfect. Lando, waking up, talking about how bad he looks, talking about how nervous he is. Meanwhile, Charles: no, I don’t feel any nerves.
#I think that explifies why I find lando by far the most interesting person to write about#and can generate truly zero ideas for anything involving Charles#I love an insecure neurotic man who’s barely able to survive being at the peak of his career#cannot relate to a man incapable of writhing in self-hatred#drive to survive#drive to survive spoilers#(barely)
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While I’m talking, Cloud almost killing Tifa in Gongaga is not just a ‘would that be fucked up or what’ moment or even because Tifa has the true memories/proof to counter Sephiroth’s lies (though, that is part of it). It’s also because killing Tifa is the antithesis of who Cloud is. It’s the antithesis of the little boy who put his life on the line to save her and then dedicated his life to becoming strong enough to protect her. The antithesis of his promise to be there for her and the feelings behind it. “Cloud” and “Tifa’s killer” cannot coexist. “Cloud,” the boy defined by a desire to protect Tifa, cannot survive this. That’s why Sephiroth is trying so hard to get Cloud to kill Tifa. Sephiroth could kill her himself and that would still be majorly bad for Cloud’s true identity as he’d still lose his only tether to reality and the symbol of his conscience. But it wouldn’t be as effective as having Cloud do the honors. Sephiroth needs Cloud to kill the light in his own heart. He needs Cloud to kill his self. And there is no more definitive way than this.
#aughhhhhh#final fantasy#final fantasy 7 rebirth#cloti#idk how anyone who played this game walked away from this scene normal. this scene grabbed me by the throat and still hasn’t let go#i have been metaphorically staring at the ceiling for two months#this is only like a sliver of what makes it so crazy too#when you get into how this scene calls back to when cloud is a child and first expresses that desire to become strong like sephiroth#after he is too weak to save tifa from falling off that bridge#and how we see exactly what becoming strong like Sephiroth means#how it’s the path to self-destruction and what that looks like#the death of cloud’s conscience and cloud’s true self - symbolized by and intrinsically connected to tifa#and how it’s not just rage. it’s fear. there’s so much fear and self-hatred driving cloud here#sephiroth’s manipulation is effective because he’s preying on these fears and insecurities that cloud already has#and then the parallels to the start of remake#if i speak……..
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Every time I struggle to understand how Gale is so arrogant and so low-self esteem at the same time I just think back to myself in middle school. Like yes his character is well-developed and multidimensional but also it is fundamentally neurodivergent mentally ill gifted kid who thinks they are so much better and smarter than everyone and everything would work better if they were in charge but also thinks that they are the worst person alive.
#Bg3#gale dekarios#baldur's gate 3#gale of waterdeep#really grinds my gears how a lot of meta tends to focus on either his insecurity/self-hatred or his arrogance#When it is vital to his character that they coexist and in fact feed off of each other#Frankly I wouldn't be surprised if this is because really high self-esteem is oft seen as unsympathetic and low self-esteem is oft seen as#Sympathetic and fandom LOVES for characters to be morally simple#Frankly I got psychic damage when I realized part of the key for me to understand Gale was for me to think about my middle school self.#I hope you all appreciate my noble sacrifice (lighthearted) (joking)
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hiii here's part of a comic im never posting or finishing in full bc im too embarrassed but! i wanted to show this part off solely bc these jamies came out so cute
anyways santiago insecurity hours!! we are all feeling not good enough in the club tonight!!!!
#showed this to bear and she was like nooo santis gonna scare jamie#and i was like okay first thing you need to know is that jamie is a fucking weirdo#santis so interesting to me in that he has obvious self hatred issues and just. turns that outward? so bizarre to me#like he's so insecure and adverse to conflict while still being paranoid and spiteful and bubbling over and furious#santiago you're fascinating. be nicer to ur roomie tho!!!#mari.png
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You mentioned being sad for multiple reasons… wanna talk about why? It’s rare that someone as incredible and magnificent as you is down…
ooc: this is going to take inspiration from a doodle I made about a smilk being very insecure
Shadow milk pauses for a second before strangely breaking out in genuine tears he tries to play off as over dramatic.
"the audience hates me! They love that pretty other me more than me the real deal! A-am I too ugly!? Is it the scars.. the freckles?? My eyelashes?? Is it my body!? Sure I gained some weight but am I too fat??!? Am I too rude!? Callous? Selfish!? I hate to admit it but I've gotten kinder is that not good enough!? Am I- am I not good enough!?! I'm a horrible performer, a terrible friend, a HORRENDOUS FATHER and master, I'm a horrible partner. Nilly should just LEAVE ME.. I keep losing everyone I open my heart to! I can't trust anyone anymore...
i-..
...."
Shadow milk realises he's....actually talking about the reasons in genuine honesty and remembering that he wasn't going to tell anyone...
His face goes blue with embarrassment.
@deceit-and-knowledge
#cw self deprecation#cw self hatred#Cw insecurity#cw body dysmorphia#crk ask blog#shadow milk cookie#shadow milk crk#crk rp blog#cookie run rp#crk au#crk rp#rp ask blog#crk roleplay#cookie run kingdom au#shadowvanilla#pureshadow
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i think its interesting how nines mechanical tails wrap around his real tails, hiding them and creating the illusion of just one tail
#like its obvious but i just never like. put it that way in my head#just another layer of the insecurities and self hatred (caused from bullying and ostracization)#tails nine#nine sonic prime#sonic prime#actually have no clue about the tags#i hate when the characters name is in the show for tagging reasons but like tf am i meant to do about nine#its fine ill live im being mostly silly about it
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people actually following this blog is lowkey suprising but also half of my art is here cuz I'm a prick that thinks everyone hates them and will doxx them and their family if they post sketches on main. should've expected that
#I don't think many people realise just how deep my insecurity goes LMAO#I may stop posting one day altogether. at this point it's just a way to try and anxiously get to know someone#my art is so genuinely ugly and everytime I look back at my pieces I think WOW people are LIARS. they can't like this fucking victim of#abortion 😭. I don't trust people when they say they love my pieces and I don't think I will anytime soon. Ik they make someone happy.#but only sometimes. when I have particular person in mind and draw just because I want them to feel happy — other times yeah no#it's not just art it's me that's the problem. if I put the pen down my self-hatred won't go anywhere#it'll just get worse because now I'm useless and annoying. even if anyone wants they won't be able to use me - not really#for what?#I also feel like I'm a monster everytime I message someone. annoying clingy bitch if you will#wow okay. that's a lot#tw vent#<- I vent a lot but this one is a lot more sincere than others sooo
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i havent reread the mortal engines books in years but i cannot get hester shaw out of my head
#she is consuming me#get me a girl who is so unapologetically shitty sometimes without being an antagonist#a main love interest with severe facial scarring#clear signs of aspd but shes trying her best#self hatred and deep seated insecurity up the fucking wazoo#phillip reeve was ahead of his time with her#mortal engines
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I'll be upfront and honest, I've never done anything skin care related except for the moisturizing and cold water. Mainly bc I have the habit to neglect myself
*whole other rant for another day or maybe not
But, I want to begin now, I want to learn to take care of myself, to appreciate what I am without being so negative all the time. And I feel like if I can diminish this small habit of mine and learn to love myself by taking care of myself, I can begin to work on other more important things, and maybe discover something good.
Anyway, if anyone has any tips or a beginner's guide, I'd appreciate the help, thx for reading.
#been really interested in makeup and cosmetics lately#experimenting eye shadow colors on my face has been my favorite hobby of mine#i just been shutting myself down with an endless cycle of self hatred#but i want to improve my insecurities and conquer it all like a bad b lol#i want to....feel confident#To be sure in myself#spliceytalks
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Fact not assumption you stab friends in the back and flirt with their ex’s. Selfish & insecure
Wow, what a way to feel. Would be fair if you could elaborate on this, please?
The message your words convey is that you hold serious grudges towards me that in one way or another troubles your mind, and I think clouds your perception (I'm friendly-natured, but won't flirt with friend's ex-loves. I'm not fucking disrespectful). Tell me who you are, I might know.
Shall I unfollow him, if that helps you gain more peace of mind?
#When there are times that I miss our friendship... Isn't he the only thing left?#I am not going to feed into further hatred and negativity if that is all you have for me#I do not 'flirt' with your ex. He is not my type in 1000 years. If he thinks this is flirting then I'm sorry. I'm just a friendly person#If anything I initiated 'contact' only once which was a quick funny reaction to his story lmao#Selfish and insecure we all are sometimes I guess. Out of necessity or self-protection or whatever depressive state#But overall I'm good. Never that selfish or insecure to go anon and type out shit like this to an old friend and still remain ghost#If this is who I think it is: Work on it or please leave me alone.#For me and for your own sake#I think we should talk and I'm sorry. But I don't want the pure negativity of old feelings you harbour tossed at my head once more#I've grown healed and worked hard enough to now find myself finally in a right enough place. I hope you do too. Have some love and grace
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byan talking to someone who has had a similarly difficult life but hasn't taken up such vices as alcohol & drugs like "damn, you just been rawdoggin' life like that??? christ, dude. here, have some fuckin' vodka—"
#some part of them feeling some respect. the rest of them feeling like it says something about them.#like it implies that they're weaker or smth#if ur not careful they'll try fighting u just to prove that they're stronger DESPITE their vices ajdkgkshdk#and/or they'll be more prone to taking something you say the wrong way bc they're out here projecting their own insecurities & self hatred#idk idk i'm just thinkin 'bout them tonight. you know how it is.#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don’t @ me.#alcohol cw#drugs cw
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hua cheng body dysmorphia truther. that man does not have a realistic concept of what he looks like and he is not reasonable or healthy about the way that he looks either
#'haha he's super worried about being ugly but he's actually handsome!' wow that sounds like. a problem actually#this can also be interpreted as dysphoria. this is because hua cheng is extremely transgender. it's pretty separate for me though#hua cheng is so steeped in layers of self-hatred and insecurity over his appearance and dissociation from his own body#that of course he has no concept of what his face really looks like...#he's been shifting out of it and changing it for so long. he's been hiding it with bandages for so long.#he's been told that his eye is a deformity and a curse for so long.#he also grew up malnourished and abused i don't think he was in the mirror going 'whoa i'm handsome' as a child#and he died before he broke eighteen as a child soldier. so. not much time to get normal there.#anyway i think hua cheng showing his real face to xie lian was the bravest thing anyone's done ever#he was so so so brave and strong for going out in front of everybody and esp in front of xie lian like that#[ slaps roof of shapeshifter character ] this bad boy can fit so many body and appearance issues in it#talking#tgcf#tian guan ci fu#hua cheng
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One of these days I hope to get to write a thread going into Byakuya’s psyche and how damaged his perception of himself is to the point he doesn’t always think of himself as a person because he has become less of a person and more a representation of the law of soul society.
#petals fall like rain | ooc#there is angst there there is a lot to explore#I suck at long metas but like it’s in my brain cell#bya has a lot of deep buried issues and insecurities#some self hatred#it’s deep in there buried under pride#no one gets to see it bc of that pride that false confidence#well his confidence is earned but it’s also false#like see what I mean????
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