#what a fucking great credit
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I recently saw an article that teased a potential prequel to the Holland spiderman movies, and it reminded me of something you wrote on here a long time ago. It was something like "please let that man age past teenagehood" and that never felt more appropriate than it did when I saw that article. A prequel to the Holland movies?? What even--you mean, we'll see him just live the normal life of a high school sophomore? Who would even want that 💀
peter the younger... peter the toddler... peter the embryo... peter the glint in the milkman's eye...
#sci speaks#i didn't see madame web but wasn't peter a newborn in that movie#you know what fuck it. i want to see peter parker happy. and if that means he is just an ordinary toddler#sucking his thumb with both of his parents still alive then great.#just a movie following some normal ass toddler toddling about.#but like the post credit scene we see his dad...... has an illustration of a spider in his notepad..... gasp.#and a prequel of that. just following one random sperm floating around in richard parker's ballsack. great.
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god bless sleeping 12hrs nightly
#stream#i hate it so much#like get up & do what ? CLEAN ? AGAIN ? be a PERSON ? AGAIN ?#i was so annoyed yesterday ppl were pissing me off so much then i called my mother & it was lovely & i told her how i scammed a vacuum from#amazon last semester by reporting it stolen bc dpd refused to deliver it TO ME & sent it to a language centre so then i reported it as a#dispute on my credit card got my money back then picked up the vacuum ALSKALSKLKSLAKSLA she said ‘u are ur fathers child’ & honestly ? real#cheap as FUCK like i GET IT FROM SOMEWHERE#but she’s also HER fathers child so i don’t wanna hear it 🙄#by that it’s ‘u gotta make it really reasonable if u want anything w my money’#i’m literally going to try to scam an electric drill or just use & return to make a fucking big room divider to THE HEIGHT I NEED bc it need#to be literally like 150cm even to go w the height of the tv bc that’s mounted & it came w the place so i can’t move it & also it doesn’t#even work ALSKALSKALKSLKSLA HATE KY LANDLORD !!!!! i mean love em they don’t do anything it’s full shithead hours 24/7 here & i love that#but GIRL ….#DID YALL RLY HVE TO PAINT OVER THE BITCHES HAIR ?#WOULD A BROOM HAVE KILLED YALL ? anyway ALSO IT DOESNT EVEN HAVE A CABLE#& U HAVE TO HAVE A TV LICENSE HERE FOR THE FUCKING TV 😭😭😭😭#like ALSKALKSLAKSLSLKSLAK literally … decoration#that’s ugly as fuck and annoying as shit like why is it THERRREEEEEEEE#i’m having my mother bring an amazon fire stick when i meet in north carolina like next week so i can maybe hopefully use it somehow like#just as a SPEAKER EVEN#that would be GREAT bc i’m not paying for cable i don’t even watch netflix as is#like let me get this podcast on the tele ‼️‼️‼️#determined to get dishes done today#running low on weed BUT that 1 drug dealer w cancer & w/o a bladder im talking to he’s so fucking hot hopefully he actually has a connect#for me to get smack ALSKALKSLKSLKSLKSLKALAK
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i love u nekoma & karasuno i love you SO MUCH
#can you tell i just watched the dumpster battle movie#[deep breath] AHHHHHHGGGGHHFHFHFJJFJGKG#ALL THE INTERACTIONS WERE SO FUCKING CUTE 😭😭😭😭#baby kuroo… i forgot how much i adored kuroo oh my god. TEARS IN MY EYES#HES SO FUCKING LAME#he was an emotional wreck this movie. had me giggling#his ass wld NOT leave tsukki alone HELP#omg and bokuto yachi interaction <3#HINATA AND INUOKA I LOVE U SO MUCH#kenma…. this truly was the kenhina movie nobody talk to me#and the mini scene of kuroo and daichi pointing at each other. I DIED!! I DIED!!!!#ourghhhhhh I LOVE THEM ALL SO DEARLY#also the detail of nishinoya moving out of the way when he saved the ball was great. loved that#SUGA 😭😭 HE WAS GOING INSANE LMAO I LOVE HIM SO DEARLY#okay tbh i didnt expect the match to end like that but it’s fine. i was immediately distracted by the FEELS#ALSO OMG. GOSHIKI AND TENDOU WERE SO FUNNY LOL#AND AND NEKOMA THIRD YEARS 😭😭😭 KUROO AND YAKU TEARING UP 😭😭 THEM HUGGING EACH OTHER#IM SOOOO ILL IM SO FUCKING ILL#also the kurodai hug and the kuroo thanking tsukki I FEAR I KEEP WINNING#did i mention the kuroken flashbacks. oh my god. they were so CUTE#BABY KUROO TALKING TO KENMA’S DAD AND HE WAS JUST SO SMALL AND ENTHUSIASTIC UGH 🥹😭#wow. i need to die#wait also. giggles. the kenhina knife scene. 10/10 gayest shit in hq#ahhhh i LOVE THEM#NEKOMA SECOND YEARS TOO. FUKUNAGA U WILL ALWAYS BE FAMOUS TO ME#anyway u guys shouldve seen me. i was going insane. i was losing it every scene#OH AND THE CREDITS?? kuroshou I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE#‘gotta take a pic to show mika’ this too is kuromikashou or whatever their ship name is#this was the kenhina movie first and the kuroo ship galore movie second /j#anyway i need to go lie down now goodbye
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Listening to the score for Princess Mononoke rn. For some reason I don't listen to this score as often as I do, say, the ones for Castle in the Sky, Nausicaä, and Porco Rosso, and friends that is a shame bc this score in isolation is blowing my tits clean off
#“battle drums” is such an insanely good percussion track. what the fuck#joe hisaishi#never lets me down#princess mononoke#someday i should try and rank his scores#the problem is the divide between “good overall score” and “good main theme”#for example: the main theme from the wind rises shot me point-blank and had me crying within the opening credits the first time i saw it#but the rest of that score is just Okay imho. you spend much of it waiting for the main theme to come back#whereas mononoke and laputa are just banger after banger#totoro is the middle ground where a lot of it is great but there are also some odd tracks thrown in that make it an uneven experience#howl is one of my favorite ghibli scores but if i'm being honest one of my less favored ghibli movies#etc.#personal
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hi everyone, this is my monthly check-in <3
#not feeling so great lately...there's a lesion on my other knee now#and it most likely is cancer.#they want me to wait another 10 days for an mri???? like ur crazy#if u think i can wait that long.#sighhhhhhhhh.#anyway.#some cool things have happened#like spending all day in nyc with my partner on friday <3333#and um. i did wnt to vent about smth so uh.#ED tw#lately#my energy has been too low for me to wanna cook. which in turn made my stomach shrink a LOT#since i've been surviving by grazing on snacks.#and i didnt even realize i lost weight until i went to the doctor.#i didnt realize though that it would be even MORE lost when i weighed myself without my winter clothes#and uhhhh. i currently weigh what i weighed in my senior year of high school#which is the FIRST time i've been under a certain number in over SIX YEARS.#and i havent struggled at all w body negativity or ED thoughts in over a couple years. but.#now that my ideal gender expression has shifted more to the feminine side. and now that ive lost weight.#my brain INSTANTLY latched onto that#and was like omg YES do more of that#and it feels nice. this time im FINALLY not struggling to suppress my appetite!!! my body is doing that for me!#and obviously im still eating enough to live on#but still a huge caloric deficit. and rn my wheelchair shit keeps breaking on me. my mobility company is INCOMPETENT.#and my insurance might tell me i have to wait FIVE MORE YEARS for another type of chair......I WILL DIE BY THEN.#ugh everything is so complicated now. and im ALWAYS exhausted bc the sun sets at 4:30. i've just stopped binging and i replaced it with+#a LOT. of retail therapy. i've easily spent probably 1500 of my credit limit in the last 2 months. but you know.#that and not eating are 2 of the ONLY things i can control rn. out of all the fucking bullshit these useless people and my body put me thru#anyway. i'm sure you can tell how i feel rn. i'm just going to try doing anything else today.#vent
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Applied for a job and applying to community college. It feels weird. It feels like I'm 18 again, even though I'm turning 23 in less than a week. It feels promising though
#so when i was 18 i was supposed to go to college!#i was. i was accepted and everything. i had plans#i was going to go for sign language interpreting. i had hella scholarships#and then. they went bankrupt. spring break before i was supposed to attend#it was unfortunate. i didnt have time to try to attend another college. and asl interpreting isnt a common course#so i moved out of my parents house a few weeks after graduation and just started working#it was great. until i moved to philadelphia#where i lost all of my money and tanked my credit score by being poor#so now im back with my parents#what a horrible cyclical turn of events#and for the longest time ive been trying to get out again. move out. get back to work#i have a job now but it barely pays uh. anything#and i was fighting so hard to escape that i didnt stop to think that i dont have the means to and i would just end up not great again#so i decided to apply for a front desk and marketing position at the same place my older sibling works#an art center. a place that i really fucking love tbh#and a nearby community college has free college for people that were essential workers during the pandemic#i think i would have to live in this state for a year tho so maybe not college right now#but maybe someday. if i get this marketing/front desk position then im sure ill stick around for a bit#idk im having weird conflicting feelings about trying to put down roots here#but i cant leave anytime soon. thats kind of hitting me#i dont have money. or a good credit score. i will not be accepted to an apartment#and even if i am i will not be able to pay rent#so i might as well get a job i like. not just a placeholder#see about going to college. especially if its free#and instead of like. waiting for my life to start. maybe do something with it while i have it#if that makes sense#suicide tw ahead-#i didnt think i was going to make it past age 18. and now im nearly 23#so im living every day with no plans#every day is a lovely little gift that i never expected to have so now its a task to try and figure out what to do with it
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the comments on my fics are some of the only things holding me together rn
#grammar? i hardly know her#The Author Of This Text Post Has Chosen Not To Use Archive Warnings#i still have my kidney stone i am suffering from the side effects of the flowmax i was prescribed i am sick bc my sister coughed in my#face last week when i was bathing her my period just started i am jobless and i'm on the last crumbs of my savings which are currently bein#eaten by medical bills i likely have to move the rent is being increased by $300 bc the landlord is a pos both sides of my family are strug#and i'm anxious about other family/health stuff and my friend is having a Really bad time and there's nothing i can do to help them and#i'll stop there i've already overshared enough#negative /#complaining /#period mention /#tmi /#fuck if i move out of state what am i gonna do about my credits i was gonna try and take the last few courses to finish my degree#....................#the reason i didn't do it this year was bc i couldn't afford it hahfhdshcfdfggfbfggffg...........#rip i guess haha ..................#i have some appointments w new drs next month and i hope i can pay the copay at each of them. it's literally $4....... yet i........#and i need to see some other ones too bc there r too many things wrong w me apparently. cool#life isn't that great rn but i will figure it out eventually#or maybe i won't#whatever i guess#opening the fic comments again i need to feel soemthign that isn't shitty feelings#scarlett.txt
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trying to formulate my opinions on The Spot by holding my sister as a captive audience while i loudly rant around her apartment
#it is a cold fucking day in hell when i let a middleaged white man take credit for a black teenager’s accomplishments and choices.#i don’t care if he’s fictional#i can’t believe some of you are eating what he’s saying. if we’re rejecting miguel o’haras idea of destiny then why are we accepting#this monologue from a dumbass who can’t accept that he’s the way that he is because of his own fucking choices#you CHOSE to work for those labs YOU CHOSE not to evacuate sooner#he couldn’t have predicted what happened next. but don’t pretend you didn’t choose this#anyone can be spiderman but miles had to CHOOSE this#your fake ass had nothing to do with his leap of faith in the first movie…#miles is made of everyone he has ever loved and respected#fuck this destiny nonsense. the spot sees Miles spark and CHOOSES to mold himself into its shadow in a desperate bid#to feel like his miserable life has any meaning#he’s a threat he’s a narrative foil he’s got the insane visuals to mirror miles. but he is NOT destiny incarnate.#the next movie is going to be about Miles rejecting The Spot as much as he rejects O’haras rules#he said it himself he’s sick of other people telling him what his story’s supposed to be about#damn what is it about writing in the tags that makes things more cohesive.#across the spiderverse spoilers#atsv spoilers#spiderverse spoilers#pizzazz meta#edit: for the record i think The Spot is a great villain and i do appreciate what he does for the narrative#but i dont believe him like i believe in miles
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WHY THE FUCK IS PATRICK STUMP OF FALL OUT BOY FAME IN MY HOUSE MD
#why the actual FUCK are all the guest stars on this show so insane#AND I GET JUMPSCARED EVERY TIME NOT BY SEEING THEM BUT BC THEIR NAMES IN THE OPENING CREDITS#AND I HAVE TO BE LIKE OH GREAT WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE#show of ALL TIME
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family all pushed me to go look at a car and apply for the car even though i knew i would not be approved and i would get attached to it and whaddya know i was not approved and i got attached to it and for all the pushing they did for me to try and get this car none of them want to cosign. fuck you guys
#i told them i didnt want to see it i didnt wsnt to apply and then they pressured me into going and applying and even test driving it and#then getting my hopes up and its like guys you knew i wouldnt be approved what was the point of this#i make 20 thousand a year and ive only had a credit card for 4 months. this was just kind of a cruel game you played on me#the software basically laughed at me he barelt even finished saying that it can take a few hours to know if youre approced before it#instsntly came back like youre fucking joking right#and anywags ive been upset about it today. i love that car a lot.#and i do need a new car. my car could last awhile but i also have a feeling it will not survive the winter.#theres been 3 insrances in the pwst year where it has just not started. theres something going on with the battery#theres holes in it from rust big enough to put your hand in#the repairs for it would be thousands of dollars#and its quite frankly not worth it for this car#like it was a 5000 dollar car when we got it. it was already not a great car#i know cosigning is a big deal i . just hoped since they were so so pushy about it that they would throw me a bone.
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[cw vent: chronic illness, general world politics mention w no detail)
"man. i'm so tired. i feel like i can't do anything selfship related. is it because my energy's been sapped from family visiting and everyone wanting to do ~summer activities~ nonstop? am i so in my head about "getting ren's story right without stepping over any lines" that i've backed myself into a perfectionist corner? is the world just going to shit so hard that i can't have one (1) minute of escape on this blog before going back to working through the political hellscape we're in? god even trying to make this plushie pattern is killing me even though i want to hold my guy So Badly AUGH."
/finishes the plushie pattern after trying multiple body bases and literally buying a japanese ebook about plushie face and hair design/
"actually what if i lived forever and spent all of that time making an army of these fuckers to swim in? what then?"
#obviously tagging this as#vent -#lol. lmao. anyway.#when i say i spent all day on this... jumping from base to base trying to find one that worked well for what i wanted#and had the right face shape and the easiest way to map a face onto it and know it'll look Right when embroidered...#and then i just caved and bought a book i'd been looking at since i started making mini ren lol#(by p.iyo p.icco -- their y.outube videos influenced mini ren's design and i plan to give that credit once i post final pics#along with the person who made the 10cm doll base i used.)#and it took so much effort and i kept thinking about how Fucking Tired i am and how frustrating it is that playing cards w family#means i have to spend 2 days recovering bc sitting up + in a chair w no good support + mental games + being social = negative battery.#and then i keep going in circles about ren's backstory and the whole 'this is a story about conditions i have but for anyone#who doesn't know me it DEFINITELY reads like a gross story about a stigmatized condition i DON'T have so i have to tread#very carefully when writing about it... but i don't practice writing like i practice art so i'm simply not at the skill level#to navigate that and it makes me feel like i can't post any of that until i figure it out' Thing...#but i DID finish my plushie pattern. and i will start on it sometime this week? depending on Factors? and if i reeeeally like how it#turns out i might buy The Plushie Making Fabric™... i checked at a craft store and buying 1/4yd of both fabrics won't break the bank...#and then i could make all of his AU selves w different expressions 😏#anyway. recovery officially starts in a few days (doc appts and pest control coming over this week + dogsitting in a few days.#not great for recovery lol lmao.) so hopefully i'll be more Around here by this weekend. idk. don't hold me to that kjsndkjn#i might get sucked into plushie making again and disappear for 3 days straight kjsdnfkjsdnf ;;;#📌 [ my posts. ]#💭 [ my thoughts. ]
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can i say something?
The fact that sam is not focused on in the later seasons is actually fucking amazing if we consider the alternative to be what happened to dean.. which was character assassination if anything.
#like?? look at sam in season 1 and then look at sam in season 14 and you will find such a fucking hard fought patience and kindness#look at dean in season 1 and dean in season 14 and younger dean would've fucking killed himself#spn#and if we view this narrative as a horror narrative then sure#deans character development is great#but the last 10 seasons do not read like that's what the writers were going for so#i dont think we can give them credit#anyways im not trying to vague someone here i just dont want to be rude on your post!#i respect your opinion and you have every right to be disappointed in sams lack of character development#i am too#but honestly when seasons 14-15 were airing#i came to this conclusion#which is that sam fans fucking /won/ bc our character had yknow actual positive development#and then he stagnated#while dean#... god.. just. fuck#unfortunate#lea speaks#this comes from a place of love for dean too bc it really makes me disappointed to look at his arc on whole#like poor dude would've thrown himself off a cliff if he saw how he treated sam in the late seasons#or cas#or jack#sorry for the insane rambling
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finished rereading and annotating Great Gatsby. Daisy and Tom make me sick /non negative.
#dorian reads classics#dorians great gatsby analyses <3#no bc like i cant even bring myself to hate Tom by the end of the book anymore#everytime i reread it i get to page 179 (lmao) and its just like. he doesnt even see what he did as wrong.#he is able to completely justify himself and his actions bc its Right By Him and like while its not right hes so deep rooted in his beliefs#but also because he doesnt want to be the Bad Guy in this situation where most everyone is a bad guy. Ough.#AND THEN AND THEN#'[...] They were careless people; Tom and Daisy-they smashed up things and creatures and then retreated back into their money...'#'...or their vast carelessness; or whatever it was that kept them together; and let other people clean up the mess they had made'#(pg 179; The Great Gatsby; F. Scott Fitzgerald)#<btw guys that credit took me three times to type it correctly in the right format pls appreciate it)#THAT PARAGRAPH MAKES ME SO SICK BC THE PARALLELS???#Absolutely UNMATCHED.#This might seem really silly and really fucking stupid but I really hope Fitzgerald knows that theres someone SO autistic bc this book#that it consumes most of his thoughts (its me.)#Yall should see the book mark Ive been using too bro...
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maybe i'm about to have a change of plans. maybe i won't be making my mother watch last twilight and only friends this semester break, maybe instead i'll go for a star in my mind rewatch and will also sit her down in front of mafia the series
#possibly even warp effect#i need to talk to her about joong archen okay#also dunk and joongdunk hence the simm rewatch#bc we watched it live together from ep2 onwards when it aired two years ago#and she doesn't remember much from it (just that she has positive associations with it)#and it was a zero-braincells watch for us so we didnt really talk acting as much#but for the past 6 months i've been complaining to my mother about how people shit on dunk's performance#and that i think he's much better than everyone gives him credit for (and i have receipts!!!!)#(those people just don't know what the fuck they're talking about or what to look out for)#aaaanyway we're halfway though hidden agenda now and this time we've been also focusing on the performances specifically#and now i have a great need to go rewatch simm with her specifically for performance analysis reasons#bc the more episodes of hidden agenda i watch with her the more validated i feel in my opinions#she often points out exactly the same things that i noticed as well or voices (similar) thoughts as i had too#it's sooooo satisfying like. if fandom doesn't get me at least my mom gets me!!!!!#anyway.#airenyah plappert#mama schaut hidden agenda#mama schaut adrm#adrm#we were watching yank-kiss-yeet and at the beginning of the scene my mom talked about how joong has this very dense way of acting#we were discussing some things (like how dunk is very good at picking up joong's density and breaking it down again)#(these two are SO good at communicating with each other i wanna cry. ANYWAY)#we also discussed that some actors might be completely overwhelmed with a co-star that acts with such a strong density#and my mom was like ''i wonder what it would be like if joong acted opposite someone who can't handle that density''#and now i feel the need to watch more joong stuff with her instead of going into last twilight or only friends djkfkjdfg#i wanted to sit her down for only friends to discuss all things physicality but oh well#i'm DEF forcing mafia the series onto her at some point tho bc i have a desperate need to talk to her about joong doing comedy#i am of the opinion that joong should do more comedic roles i think he'd be extremely skilled at it#he's good at being serious and that's EXACTLY what you need to make comedy work#contrary to popular belief comedy isn't actually about being funny but it's all about being completely serious about everything you say/do
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Thinking about how fucking good the Spiderverse series is so far tonight like holy shit. The kind of incredible movies that make you believe in the magic of film again.
#they’re so beautiful & they’re doing so much & they love themselves & the art form & characters they’re representing#I have been obsessed with this movie the last few days#I still remember how enraptured I was seeing the visuals of itsv for the first time in the first trailer & then my first watch of the film#got me thinking about shit like Your Name#the stuff that has you staring at the black of the credits with an exhalted sigh#and when you finally do break the moment your mind is swimming with new sparks of inspiration & wonder#that a story could do that#good stories when they end leave you feeling like there’s a hole in your heart you’ll never replace#GREAT stories make you feel like you just gained a new piece of your soul you hadn’t realized you’d been missing all your life#I fucking love movies so much#across the spiderverse#atsv#itsv#into the spider verse#spiderverse#what is this fandom’s main tag#spilling the Tea
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back on my talking in the tags bullshit like it's 2015 🫡
#i am feeling very Ack lately because i have abt ten months left to pay off my stupid ass student debt#which is exciting! i'm ready to go back to school!#but i have noooo idea what i'm going back for and i feel like i need to start firming up a decision so i can kind of get my ducks on a row#but like. girl. it's HARD#i have approximately 5/8 of an elementary education degree#and in an ideal world i would just finish it and become a teacher. boom done. i love teaching i LOVE it!!! i really do!!!#and i'm fucking good at it!!!#but we do not live in an ideal world. lol. i love being a teacher in theory but the reality of becoming a teacher in america#at this current moment.#where im essentially putting myself in the middle of a culture war where i am being casted as a criminal for Being Visibly GNC in front of#people's children. is not really ideal!!!!#and nkt to mention the gun violence and the fact that increasingly parents think they know better than teachers what should b taught and#TERRIBLLE pay a d tons of extra work w no administrative support#it just sounds. nkt great. to be honest.#but like.. what else do i do. i like the idea of mass comm w a production focus but i worry that i'll get disillusioned or dislike it once#it's what i Do...#and i could go back for the science-y stuff i wanted to do as a teenager and that sounds awesome but also#i think i am too dumb. lol. and i would be starting completely from scratch because all my science credits are like#Biology For People Who Just Need A Credit. yknow#and starting over wouldn't be the worst thing in the long run but it's so fucking daunting#i've already dropped out twice 😝🫶 i kinda just wanna finish it all in one fell swoop yknow#ANYWAYYYY. i have time i have so much time actually [shaking and crying and throwing up]
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