#went out of its way to be heterosexual

[gloriousmonsters]

'the wind' having 81% from critics on rt is I guess solid proof that people will get completely fooled into thinking a movie is Smart and Artistic if it's a period piece with very long silences. anyway here's my rating. Not Gay Enough

[thewritetofreespeech]

Cooler Heads Will Prevail

pairing: Aemond Targaryen x Reader

summary: it's too hot to do anything in the States. Except apparently write Aemond x Reader smut about how it's too hot.

tags: heterosexual sex, fingering, sex outdoors, aemond speaking High Valyrian cause it's sexy, Vhagar being sassy in the background. 

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“Gods how can you stand to wear that?”

You felt ten times hotter just looking at your husband, dressed in his traditional black & leathers, as he sat next to you while you baked in this heat. Even with all the windows and curtains open, dressed in the thinnest dress that modesty could cling to, and servants fanning you both like Dornish aristocracy, you still felt like you were melting.

“It is all a matter of perspective, my dear wife.” Aemond replied. Not looking up from his book. “And will power.”

You groan and drop your own book, spreading out as far as your limbs would go on the chaise. You despised these hot summers. Everything was hot. Everything you touched, including yourself, was sticky. You felt like every breath was drawing in more hot air, which in turn made you hotter, and considerably cranky. It was too hot to do anything.

Aemond glanced up at you with his good eye, then closed his books. The servants scatter when the prince stood. Taking away what little precious, if fruitless, relief you had. “Are you really that miserable?” He asked, leaning over you with one arm pressed against the back of the chaise.

“Just look at me.”

“I am.” His mouth coiled into a smirk as he leaned further down to kiss you.

But you turn your head away with an unsatisfied huff. “It’s too hot.” Though you loved Aemond unconditionally, apparently it had its limits. He’d have to wait until the sun went down, at the very least, before you would consider touching him.

The prince huffed. “Fine. Get up.”

You didn’t have time to ask Aemond why before he was grabbing your hand and hoisting you to your feet. Dragging you along behind him as you tried to keep up with his impressive gait thanks to those long legs.

Your protests & questions stopped halfway through your journey, and Aemond finally let your hand go once the two of you reached the Dragonpit. Vhagar’s indominable frame taking up most of the space a lotted to her as she coolly acknowledged her rider then settled back down. “What are we doing here?”

“Leaving the city.” Aemond was already mounting Vhagar. Settled into her saddle before he reached out to you with his hand.

You often dreamed of being a dragon rider. To be up in the skies. To command giants. But you didn’t have the blood for it. Instead, you just admired them from afar. “I thought you said Vhagar didn’t like secondary riders.”

“Vhagar does not like any rider but me.” He clarified. “But she will not harm you. Trust me.”

You did trust Aemond. Still, you glance over to Vhagar, looking into her giant eye for permission, who looked back at you for a long moment before she blinked with her inner lid and turned her gaze from you. You took that as a yes and grabbed Aemond’s hand.

He hoisted you up into the saddle with ease. Seating you in front of him. His legs on either side of you as he fastened you both to the harness before taking the reins. “sōvēs Vhagar.”

The dragon rose from her seat. Seeming annoyed about it, but you couldn’t be sure. She took three long strides before her wings were aloft and you were up in the air. You close your eyes tight. Gripping Aemon’s thighs on either side as you felt your stomach try to drop all the way back to the ground. “Open your eyes.” Aemond’s voice brushed against your ear, louder than the rushing air around you. You do as he says. With one at first, then opening both to see the beautiful bright sky around you and white, fluffy clouds. It was breath taking.

You aren’t brave enough to look down, but after a while Aemond shouted, “tegot Vhagar,” and the dragon circled around a patch of Earth before gracefully hurling itself towards it.

When you landed Aemond undid your bindings and jumped down. He held his arms out towards you, waiting for you to jump, and easily caught you when you fell into his open arms. “Where are we Aemond?”

The prince shrugged, “somewhere North.” That was all he said before he stalked off into the woods past the clearing.

You look around and admire the beauty of the small forest, before you follow after your husband. Vhagar seemed fine on her own to resume her nap while you both went on your walk to wherever Aemond was going. “Aemond, what are we doing here?”

“You said you were hot.” He told you. In a tone that implied ‘we just talked about this’ as he cut through the path.

“Yes. But why are we here?” It was significantly cooler, but still summer. The balminess of the city had been replaced with the natural humidity of the trees. One evil for a lesser one.

Aemond didn’t answer this time and instead pushed past the last of the greenery to reveal a second clearing. Sun dappled, with trees and flowers circling a natural freshwater pond, in a perfect idyllic scene. “Gods…It’s beautiful.”

“We did not come all this way just to look at it.”

You turn to Aemond to see him already unbuttoning his jerkin. “You cannot be serious.” Apparently, he was, as he was already tossing his jerkin aside and pulling off his under tunic. “Aemond?? We’re in the middle of nowhere!”

“Exactly. No one will find us.” His belt, boots, and pants quickly made it into the pile. His small clothes next. Then finally his eye patch. “Are you coming or not?” You stare at Aemond, a little slack jawed, as he stood there completely naked. As if you were the crazy one for not joining him.

Fingers carefully come up to your lacings. Fumbling with the strings as your embarrassment makes the digits unable to cooperate properly. Aemond was right, no one would see you. But this was still the first time you had been naked ‘in public’. Ladies did not go around the world in the nude. Although, apparently, a Targaryen’s woman did.

Aemond grinned as he watched you let loose your dress, then walked backwards a few paces before he turned and walked over to one of the rocks. Standing on it, like some Valyrian statue, before he jumped in. You were not nearly as brave, and shyly stepped into the water from its calm shore with your hands protecting your modesty.

The water was like ice on your overheated skin, but it felt so good! You let out a sigh and relax. Sinking neck deep into the water as you pulled your knees to your chest to float. “Feeling better?” You turn to look at Aemond as he swam up to you. His long hair floating behind him like a silver net. Looking more triton than dragon at the moment. You offer him a soft smile and nod.

The prince smiled back. Then he floated to his center before he stood, able to reach the bottom and have the water just barely brush past his navel. “Can I kiss you now?”

You looked up at Aemond, who was looking back down at you, waiting for an answer. Your smile broadens and you release your knees to stand on your own feet as well. The water just barely kissing your breasts in comparison. “Yes Aemond, you can kiss me.”

He looked so pleased. As if all this effort was worth it as he took your chin in his fingers to tilt your lips to his. You moan at the first contact of his tongue against yours. Hells…how long had it been since you kissed him properly.

You had not been joking when you said it was too hot to do anything. That included laying with your husband. Though you shared the same bed, the most you had done for the past weeks was brief kisses & touches before shunting off to your separate corners of the mattress. Desperate not to add anymore heat to your person.

Now that you were cooled off, a renewed heat was swelling up inside you. “Aemond…”

The man in question pulled back just a hair’s breadth to look at you. The hand once tilting up your chin now brushing water droplets from your cheek. “I have missed you, issa jorrāelagon.”

“I know.” And you felt guilty for that. “I’ve missed you too.” Together seperately had been the way things had been with this heat. But now you were somewhere cool, calm, and secluded with your husband.

You latch on to Aemond like a drowning man. His body your life raft. His kiss your air. He pulled you in with equal fervor and you felt his longing press against your belly. Hot and hard, despite the cold water. “Aemond…” You gasp again. Intentionally brushing against him to feel more of his manhood and eager to have not against your belly but inside it. “Please…”

The prince growled and kissed you again. His teeth nipping possessively at your lips this time, before he pulled you into his arms and wrapped your legs around him. Carrying you out of the water with ease and laying you on the soft grass that would be your marriage bed for the afternoon.

Aemond continued to kiss you. Letting you go for a moment before peppering your lips, face, and neck with more kisses. As if he couldn’t decide what he wanted to do next with you. “You should be like this at all times.”

“Underneath you?” You respond cheekily.

“Naked.” He corrected. Your head tipping back as his arm slipped betwixt you and his fingers began toying with your sex. “You wouldn’t be so hot. And we would no longer have to deal with those ridiculous laces.”

“I don’t think your mother would appreciate such a ‘casual’ manner of dress at court.” You gasp sharply as two of Aemond’s fingers suddenly slipped inside you. Clearly a diversion in the conversation as he doesn’t want to talk about his mother right now.

“Hmmm…it is probably for the best. I’d gouge out the eye of any man who would look at you besides me. Then I would no longer be unique.”

“Certainly less fashionable.” Another sharp gasp escapes you as Aemond’s fingers curled up inside you against that spot that made you see stars. Silently telling you that if you didn’t stop with the cheek you were going to get it. ‘Good’ you thought.

His fingers continued to work you open as his mouth swallowed your cries. “Aemond!” You shouted when his thumb brushed against your pearl. Pushing at his shoulders while your legs shook at the intense feeling, but he wouldn’t stop. He let you go long enough to let your climax cry come out clearly. Loud and pure. Birds fluttering off in the distance that were startled by the sound.

“You’re so beautiful when you quake for me.”

“Only you.”

Your hand came up to stroke his face. Hard lines. Soft expression. Your fingertip brushes against just the end of his scar before trailing down to flick his bottom lip. Red and swollen from your kissing. Vibrant against his cool, alabaster skin. Perfect.

“Make me quake for you again my love.” Your legs splayed wide for him. Making space for him and his cock in your drooling cunt.

Aemond doesn’t have to be told anything twice and he descended on you. Lining up his cock, pushing it inside you with coiled control just waiting to snap, waiting there until you were ready. You let him know you were ready by jutting your hips a bit. Your prince looking at your face for a moment to make sure before that coiled control snapped clean.

The two of you rut in the forest like animals. Grunting and moaning and the wet sound of slapping skin. Aemond spread your legs wider for him. Letting him thrust harder and deeper into you. Your head fell back against the damp grass. The sweet smell mixed with your sweat making you dizzy while the sharp climb towards a second climax made you lightheaded.

You will your eyes open to look at Aemond. His eye fixed only on you. Almost completely black like the stories portrayed him. Black enough that it looked as though it had bled into his sapphire. But this was not the eyes of a monster, but a beast. Your beast. Your one and only, as this look as just for you.

“A-Aemond!” You shout again. Fingers clenched in his wet tresses. Whole body shaking around him this time. Aemond’s teeth clenched to the point they look like they might break before he buried his face in the crook of your neck. His own hips stuttered as his warmth filled you up.

The two of you laid there for a moment. Catching your breath. Sated in one another until Aemond likely feels he’s too heavy for you and rolls off you to the side. “We should head back.”

You turn your head to look at him. Wounded. Did it have to be right now? “The sun will be setting soon. It will not be as hot upon our return.”

You look back up at the sky and indeed see the shadows had gotten longer since your arrival. “Must we?”

Aemond chuckled at your plea. Rolling back over to your side to coil his body around you like a serpent. Head on your shoulder. You know he had missed this almost as much as the other. “Not right now.” He agreed. “But soon. We can come back whenever you’d like though.”

“Tomorrow?” He laughed again.

“Whenever you’d like.”

The two of you bask in the moment and beautiful scenery for a little while longer. Enjoying the cool and the quite before you had to return to the hot and the mayhem. You dress in silence. Then Aemond walked you both back down the path towards his dragon. Vhagar not seeming to notice one way or the other that you’ve been gone.

The heat hits you instantly once you break the perimeter of the city. Cooler than before but still sweltering. “I’m going to take a cool bath before bed.” You tell your prince as he gave his dragon a few goodbye pet before he left her for the day. “Care to join me?”

Only one thing could pull Aemond’s attention away from his dragon, and he turned to look over his shoulder at you with a smug grin. “Missing me already, issa jorrāelagon.”

“Oh yes.” You playfully agree as you walk backwards when Aemond came close. “I don’t know. Something about dragon riding puts me in the mood for….‘dragon riding’.”

The true rider grinned and closed the gap between you with quick ease. “Why do you think I seem never to want to keep my hands off you?” He pulled you in for a new kiss. Passionate, yes, but not nearly as fierce as before. You were back in the walls. Back in your cages. You had to be restrained lest other people talked. Because gods forbid a man & a wife actually fancied each other. He let you go and it was your turn to lead Aemond by the hand.

The weather was hot. But summer would eventually break. By the time winter came you intended to know all sorts of new ways to keep warm.

[verosikastrikerstellaexcuser]

So I am honestly stupidly heated at this whole pride thing.

I don't like that 2 of the only het characters are Striker and Stella all because they are mean to the wrong main character (Stolas). Like, its so transparent. Mammon despite abusing Fizz gets to be there. Chaz is a dead villain but gets to be there. Wally doesn't appear to be LGBT from what I can see?? But, yk, as a pet fave he gets to be there still even if straight.

"[Do you think Stella] would come anywhere near a pride parade" Well, yeah because her pointless misogynist fuckass brothers gay and from what we've seen she still works with him quite willingly? Like huh? And don't even get me started on Striker, I made a separate post ranting but how in the hell was this scene heterosexual in any way. Striker specifically is the one to initiate this scene as well.

Andrealphus is also here too. Instead of us getting say Lesbian Stella, bi Stella, aro Stella, no, we get him. It feels more and more like an excuse to replace and erase Stella's place in the story; Viv didn't like that people liked Stella too much because Stella is one of her non favorites and supposed to be a mean-to-Stolas Stolitz drama plot device, so she made a totally cooler better gay male bird instead. He's gay and cunty~ so hes better because female homosexuality is so less interesting and fun. Andrealphus gay male bird is still a piece of shit morally but he gets to be there and be LGBT. He also gets to be the brains behind the whole operation to fuck Stolas over, hes the actual fun antagonist being evil with style and swagger. While Stella went from in S1 being a ruthless hyper aggressive woman pushed to her breaking point working to kill her husband to now in S2 a tool controlled by Andrealphus while being demeaned and told her only use is her looks. And ykw else? I saw someone twitter point out something interesting.

The HB store has sold an awful lot of sexualized merch of Stella, all the pinups etc. And... man. Yeah, it begins to paint a horrible picture. I know they do a lot of sexualized merch of other characters, but those characters have also gotten to be characters and not just plot devices for men. While Stella has been sidelined for another male attracted male character instead of explored. All the men in her life have used her for her body, her looks, her being female, as a baby factory and a wife, shes been unpersoned by them. And then, the merch fucking reinforces this by heavily sexualizing her. They'll sell sexualized merch to Stella fans. But they won't flesh out her character, they won't make her lesbian or ace fans happy by making her rep, nah, none of that.

I'm sorry but this is just not how you write a victim of an arranged marriage made to have a baby with a man who couldn't stand to look at her as she did it by her parents and brother!? And before anyone comes at me, again, if Mammon and Andrelphus get to be a celebrated LGBT character why the fuck does Stella not? If Wally gets to be here despite not being LGBT why doesn't Stella? Why did Stella never get to have her childhood and past explored, her relationship with Octavia explored, anything? Why is her interest in others/sexuality never really shown outside of not being into Stolas? Why do we never even get maybe a fun arc in which she realizes shes so angry because shes aro and romance repulsed? Or shes a lesbian and craves a relationship with a woman? Or loves another man but didn't cheat then Stolas did so she lost it? Something? Anything? Anything at fucking all? Oh. Right. No. Shes just a token straight woman who exists to be a body to be used and drama for Stolas and Stolitz's story. Why would they give her an LGBT identity? Those only exist to be tacked onto nice or cool female characters that bully characters its ok to bully like Blitz and Moxxie - all of these pan female characters consistently only ever really show male attraction anyway, to boot. Because gay is only fun and cool when its male!!!!111

[felassan]

All companions are pansexual!!!

Game is rated M, will contain nudity. [source]

Full article:

"In a new interview with The Veilguard game director Corinne Busche, we've confirmed that yes, you will be able to romance any companion you want, regardless of your character's gender or race. It's a bit of a surprise for fans, considering that in previous Dragon Age games, the romanceable characters had different sexual orientations. Some were pansexual, sure, but others were heterosexual, others were only attracted to the same sex, and some could only be romanced if you were a certain race (Dragon Age: Inquisition's Solas, for example, could only be romanced by female elves). But Busche pushes back on the idea that The Veilguard's companions are "playersexual," a term used to describe games where NPCs are specifically only attracted to the player character. She says she's seen playersexual "done in a number of games," and "it can be really off-putting where these characters are adapting to who you, the player, are." Rather, Busche insists that they're all specifically pansexual, and that might come through in what you learn about their backstories. "Their past experiences or partners, they'll reference them and indeed who they'll become romantic with," Busche tells IGN. "For instance, we saw Harding. I might be playing a straight male character flirting with her, but I choose not to pursue a romance. She might get together with Taash. So my perception, my identity has no bearing on their identities and that comes through really strongly." When asked if that means it won't take long for romance to become an option in The Veilguard, Busche confirms that you'll be able to start flirting with everyone pretty early, as you recruit all seven companions throughout the first act. But, she clarifies, "it's not until the later parts of the game where you really commit to romance and it gets pretty spicy.""

---

"Speaking of spicy... Of course, Dragon Age: The Veilguard is a BioWare game, and games from the studio — specifically those in the Mass Effect and Dragon Age series — are known to have some fairly explicit sex scenes. Busche confirms that The Veilguard will be no different, particularly towards the end of the game: "Of course, we are an M-rated game," she says. "We do have nudity." There's also some obvious parallels to be made between The Veilguard and last year's critical darling Baldur's Gate 3. The latter became known not only for its deep romances (like The Veilguard, Baldur's Gate 3 player characters can romance any companion regardless of gender or race), but also for its sex scenes, including one involving a Wild-Shaping Druid that went pretty viral. Busche isn't afraid to admit that she has played Baldur's Gate 3, and loved it, as she's an "an RPG fan through and through": "The more character-driven party-based RPGs with deep emotional connection, the better." "What I love about the two games is I think they live side by side in a really interesting way," she continues. "They're very different games, but those emotional connections and how the narratives hook you, I think there's space for both." Specifically in regards to the sex scenes and how The Veilguard will handle theirs differently, Busche says some of Baldur's Gate 3's scenes were "shocking and comical in some ways, and I would say I loved that." "Our companions, we want them to be relatable and fully realized. So they can get spicy, but in a way that I think people will actually relate to," she says. Basically: no bear sex. Busche goes on to say that how sexually explicit the scenes are, too, will vary between characters. "Some of them are more spicy than others," she reveals. "Just like real life, our companions have such diverse personalities. Some of them are more physical, more aggressive, and some of them are more... we have a gentleman necromancer, for instance, that is more intimate and sensual." Our interview with Busche comes as BioWare continues to roll out information about the highly anticipated Dragon Age sequel, with a cinematic trailer having dropped at the Xbox Showcase over the weekend. Dragon Age: The Veilguard will debut sometime this fall."

[source]

[sylvies-chen]

my mother said something really interesting about this episode (yes, she also watches the show and is a huge fan of dani rojas just like me) and it’s been stuck in my head ever since. she said: “it seems to me like this whole episode was about intimacy”

and like… yeah! that’s exactly it! the amsterdam trip set the perfect scene for it too, because people are normally a little more lax on vacation, a little more adventurous, a little more lenient and able to put themselves out there.

you have the pretty obvious contenders for this point: rebecca having her little fling with that nameless bald man and learning to open herself up to real connection and intimacy again, to be able to envision for herself a life and a love that is unmoored to her past with rupert and is able to exist in its own little intimate pocket. you’ve got jamie and roy learning to trust in each other, to be intimate and vulnerable about their pasts and about their present situations too (especially for roy, who is still right now a man who would rather break up with the woman he loves that admit, that he doesn’t think he’s good enough for her). and you also have, of course, the true soul of the episode, which was colin and trent’s discussion, and how colin feels that ache to be able to show the more intimate parts of him to the world the way heterosexual couples do, to be able to merge his intimate personal life with his fun if not a little reserved professional life. how to achieve a balance between intimacy and privacy.

and then you have the less obvious ones maybe, like higgins and will going to the jazz club— which isn’t really that hard to decipher when you think about it. it is, after all, where higgins opens up about an intimate detail of his love for jazz, and then gets to share his previously very intimate and private activity of playing the bass with the crowd. he even starts the night complaining of how exposed their seats feel, and ends up standing on the stage by the end of it. and, of course, will potentially had a threesome. so there’s a kind of intimacy for you. the one that truly isn’t obvious is the team pillow fight which honestly, I think is just a way of showing that sometimes a more intimate, fun yet indoor activity makes for better memories than something like a sex show or a club, which are both very grand and exciting yet impersonal and detached kinds of activities.

then of course you have ted, who is sort of lacking what my mother called an intimacy with himself. he’s been feeling a little lost, a little “stuck” as he put it. and I don’t think he understood why until this episode, until this adventure he went on with the museum and the american themed restaurant. it was a way for him to spend quality time with himself, to be alone with his thoughts while still not totally unable to absorb his surroundings and learn something. and in exploring his more intimate thoughts he was able to think of something really good! something that will make him a better coach!

and yeah, when it’s framed in this way I think this episode was sooooo killer. I love seeing people open up a little bit, to show these deep and intimate parts of their being. it’s so so so good.

[firstkanaphans]

Safe House, Season 4: FK moments you might have missed (Day 5)

Before I dive into the FK-specific moments from this episode, I want to briefly address the fallout from Foei and White’s comments the night before. Their apology is still available on YouTube in its entirety, which is ironic considering they removed the actual incident, so now it just looks like they’re apologizing for nothing. You can read a full translation of the apology here.

I also paid extra close attention to both First and Khaotung’s interactions with Foei and White in the aftermath because I’ve seen some people say that Khao in particular acted annoyed by them, but in all honesty, I couldn’t tell a difference. Neither First nor Khaotung gave any indication that they were upset by what happened. This is not meant to excuse what Foei did or even to suggest that there wasn’t animosity lingering under the surface, but they kept it civil in the house and I don’t think it serves anyone well to insinuate that Khaotung was on some sort of revenge quest when he was actually super chill and professional. 

But now, hopefully, I am done talking about Foei and White forever.

First was in an exceptionally good mood this morning and was up almost as soon as the wake-up call went off. He tried to wake Khaotung to no avail.

He eventually gives up and goes to help Fourth wake the rest of the house instead. (Please check out this gif set of Fourth’s attempts to wake some of the younger boys because it’s one of my favorite things on this website.) And although we don't get to see Fourth try to wake Khaotung, he does come back into the room and complain to First, “P’Khaotung won’t wake up.” To which First responds, “He won't wake up? Fine. I’ll do it naa.” And then instead of actually trying to wake him up, he just crawls back into bed with him 😂

The morning challenge involved the contestants trying to catch a piece of toast in their mouths. First was down an arm, so Khaotung worked the toaster for him during several of his attempts. This also led to one of my all-time favorite Safe House moments:

The fact that Khao just takes it. Out of his bestie’s mouth. Without question. Insanity.

The afternoon session opens with Khaotung making coffee. First is teasing him for saying a bad word, which Khao swears he didn’t say. You can watch the video and read a full translation of that clip here.

I’d always assumed Khao was making the coffee for himself, but he put the cup in front of First’s place at the lunch table and then they both drank out of it. You know. Just bestie things.

After that, there was another pool challenge that First couldn’t participate in. He still did his best to have fun, though.

That night during dinner, they are given desserts with flowers in them. Khaotung and First both spend the entire meal trying to secretly stick them on each other.

(via)

After dinner, everyone plays “Never Have I Ever” while waiting for production to set up their next challenge. Whenever someone loses, they have to do push-ups. This was Khao’s attempt.

And the aftermath:

Later that same night is when the infamous pillow-sniffing happens. First and Khao are sitting on the couch together. Khao gets up and, without missing a beat, First reaches for the pillow he had been holding and sniffs it.

Fourth is immediately like “bro, you good?” and although we can’t actually hear them, I can only assume that First tries to justify his actions in some way because the next thing you know, Fourth is sniffing the pillow too. You can watch the full video here.

I know people say “there’s no heterosexual explanation for this” about things that do, in fact, have a heterosexual explanation, but this is gay AF. Like? First, honey. Stand up.

Almost a whole hour of the evening session is just the cast watching The Eclipse on an iPad. (Really, GMMTV? An iPad? There was no way for you to cast it onto an actual TV?) At one point, First gets up and smacks Khaotung with a pillow over something Aye did. You can watch it here. I tried to gif it, but it looks overly violent in gif form because First knocks over a picture frame and everyone freaks out.

And then finally, our two favorite besties get into another squabble during the evening interviews. Khaotung playfully pushes First and First says, “Everyone, please take note that I am not usually the one who teases him.” Then Khao pulls him off screen.

Sorry this got so long. They were extra gay today.

[palant1r]

death note characters ranked by how much they fuck, from least to most:

L: im sorry but this bitch died a virgin. you know im right. we can talk about lawlight gay sex all we want and its very fun but there is NO way his relationship with light actually went beyond psychosexual mind games that they both found far more sexual than actual sex. he does not leave his weirdass computer floor room he is NOT on tinder. this guy had watari make him a special fleshlight that jacks him off in 3 seconds every time he experiences horniness so he can get back to work

near: same as L, really. the only reason he's ranked higher is because he hangs out with a bunch of sexy americans and could theoretically have had an opportunity at some point

Ide: asexual king. could have sex but simply has no interest in it.

light: divorces his mind from his body to an absolutely insane degree. uses sex purely as a method to give misa rewards for killing a bunch of people. this barely ever happens

misa: only ranked higher than light because i feel like she had sex at least once before meeting light and light was absolutely a virgin at that point

mikami: he has scheduled sex that he pencils into his planner about once every month or so

takada: with how she reacted to light's advances, it's clear that this is not a woman who is accustomed to pleasurable sex. girl go get some better dick its not worth it.

aizawa: on one hand, he is married. on the other hand, between the investigation and having a young child in the house, i doubt they're boning down on the reg

mello: i know people will get mad at me for ranking him this low. because like, look at him. he LOOKS like he FUCKS. but im sorry. he doesnt. he goes after his goals with the singleminded focus of a bear on cocaine presented with a dumpster full of salmon and sex simply does not play into those goals. however he would fuck to FURTHER those goals he just wouldnt even enjoy it because hed be thinking about Beating Near the whole time but like, in a heterosexual way

soichiro and sachiko: you KNOW old man yagami is a freak. that man is not normal and he's gonna dick his wife down crazy style. however he is also working long nights all the time

matsuda: between his need to be around other people and his neglected shelter dog rizz, i think its fair to say matsuda is having a fair amount of sex

matt: to mellos chagrin, matt fucks

mogi: this man is coveted in the tokyo gay scene. dick is bomb AND he makes breakfast in the morning. this man FUCKS but he minds his own business about it

[nqueso-emergency]

I wanted to talk about the idea that Buddie would increase ratings for the show a lot, because honestly I think its completely ridiculous, and how I've seen the general audience view bucktommy. My mother and I watch the show together, and she is most definitely a member of the GA. When I spoke to her about buck and tommy kissing/ the buck bi arc her literal first words were "I'm happy it wasn't eddie I would hate for them to ruin that friendship".

Also the way you know buck is actually queercoded (unlike eddie) is the fact that my mother as a sixty year old woman from the south said "I think it was obvious to everyone but buck that he swung both ways" when he came out. She likes buck and tommy as much as she liked buck and any other of his love interests. She thinks their cute but wants them to have more screentime before she gets invested because of how they've disposed of his love interests before. The GA wants buck to be in a long term relationship, to "get off the hamster wheel" and thats why they like tommy because it is tangible change.

I also think their is no way the GA would accept gay eddie is that when I mentioned the fact that eddie and tommy where what was originally planned to her she said it was good they went with buck instead because a man married to a woman that realizes he's gay later on is a storyline they've already done with micheal. They don't care about catholic guilt or compulsory heterosexuality. Honestly she thinks that eddie is better of single and that its okay for him to never move on.

Sorry just wanted to rant.

Rant away!! I think I have a crush on both you and your mom though

[cherryblossombombs]

I have an issue with the "the giga cover is likely fujobait" because I can't help but think:

if it was truly fujobait, why now?

Why try to get their attention if MHA is now in the 100M club? The series now so popular, hori/jump doesn't need queer shippers to increase its popularity.

Why try to get fujos and queer fans, if it's already popular in that group? Wasn't it apparently shown that MHA is more popular with women and LGBTQ+ fans?

Why try to get that audience when hori had the chance to do that back in 2016-2018 when Kr//bk was the popular gay ship? Wasn't there an interview where someone pretty much asked hori if he's for kr//bk, but instead of playing along, hori made it about bkdk (the ship that no one took seriously at the time) and said he saw the hand hold more about bkdk angst. Kr//bk was a popular ship, it had bones making official art of them. The smash parody manga had moments of it. Two heroes was their movie [I believe hori didn't really help in that movie. However, notice how in the second movie, (he was a part of that one), focused on bkdk (again, the ship no one took seriously)]. Hori had the ability to use that ship as bait, but he seemed to be the only one out of everyone else to not go for it. Instead he kept pushing for the ship that was thought to be too toxic to even become a platonic ship.

If horikoshi did not want bkdk to seen as romantic, why isn't he stopping jump for implying it? You really can't say that he has no ability to, the guy went to bones and told them the ending. Now, notice how bones suddenly stopped making iz//ch moments and added a bkdk moment in the recap episodes (something that they would never do 2 seasons prior). The assistant (whom hori is friends with) is a loud speaker of dkbk lol. Hori follows him on twitter, there's no way that hori hasn't seen his dkbk art once. Same for katsuki's JP VA (who is also a friend of Hori).

Why try to bait the audience when the manga is ending?

Idk, maybe there's a chance he is actually queerbaiting and make iz//ch canon, but again, after everything?

After the togachako arc? He had made ochako confess her crush on midoriya, only for seconds later to not only brush it off as unimportant (unimportant in the sense of it was more of way to relate to toga and speak with her, it wasn't really used as a "canon izu//ocha" moment), she tells toga that she could have ochako's blood for the rest of her life (and we know that's toga's love language of returning/accepting her feelings) and she told toga that she had the cutest smile in the whole world. Like, didn't hori say that toga was made for ochako's character? I feel like it wouldn't make sense for hori to do all of this, then have ochako end up with midoriya, it would feel like a middle finger to toga tbh.

After chapters 285, 322, 362, 367, 403, and 404? The apology? The "you're the closest one to midoriya izuku, therefore I need to kill you in order to make him go crazy". The heart shaped black whip after seeing bakugou's dying body? The "their feelings became one" double spread? this bullet point could be spread to about 2-3 document pages, but I'm just going to summarize for this post lol. But overall, these chapters (and a few more), show me (imo) that it the "fujobait" claim isn't really strong to use against bkdk.

Again, maybe this is queerbait, because I know that there are times where other media/anime have done simliar and still had the MC in a heterosexual relationship, and leave everyone dumbfounded lol. Once again, all I say to this is "let's see what happens."

P.S. Isn't this the same author who said that he thought that naruto was going to end at 698 (the implied SNS ending) lol? Idk if it's true, that's just something I've heard.

[rigginsstreet]

just a little something for @harringrovelovefest but it doesnt fit any of the prompts lol

-

Billy knew dating a straight boy would bring nothing but trouble. Cyd had warned him enough back in Cali, told him how straight boys may be good for a one time fuck, get it out of your system, but that's it. Don't go try pursuing anything more, because it'll never be anything more.

And Billy had taken that to heart. The one time in his life he didn't feel the need to put his hand on the stove to test its heat, last thing he needed was some straight boy running scared, opening his big mouth to let the world in on Billy's little secret. Maybe he played with danger a little too much, but he also knew when to play it safe to save his own ass.

Which is why Steve Harrington had been such a fucking enigma.

Billy knew better, and yet he let himself fall for the king of small town America, the poster boy of Ideal Heterosexual Living. He was such a fucking idiot.

He'd gotten a few good months out of it, at least. Definitely some of the best sex he's ever had - once he taught Steve how to properly use his dick, anyway. And he's gonna miss having that asshole hanging onto his every word, clinging to him like another limb. That absence is gonna be a bitch to fill.

But Steve, apparently, is ready to go back to pussy, if the visual Billy's getting from the parking lot of Family Video is anything to go by. Can see clear as day through his windshield, into the store, how Steve is leaned over the counter, smiling all big and bright at some chick he thinks they went to school with.

Billy knows flirting when he sees it. Honestly, he just wishes Steve had the decency to not flaunt it right in his face. Could've taken her to the back and fucked her in private without Billy having to have this image burned into his brain.

Whatever.

He slams on his horn, finally alerting Steve to his presence.

Steve perks up at the sound of the horn. Billy's a little early to pick him up from the end of his shift, but only by a few minutes. Robin can clock him out, it won't matter.

"Gotta go, Shelly," he says to the girl on the other side of the counter. "But make sure to come back and tell me what you thought about Animal House. I'm telling you, it's a classic!"

Shelly laughs and agrees to his request before heading out, and Steve can't get out of the store fast enough. Yells his goodbye to Robin and runs out the door, panting as he plops himself into the passenger seat of the Camaro.

"Hey, tiger." He grins. And it's only now that he notices the voice coming from the radio. Just about the last damn thing he ever expected Billy to be listening to. "Is this Dolly Parton?" He wants to laugh, but the somber look on Billy's face and the next words out of his mouth have him refraining.

"My mom liked her. Got a problem with that?"

"Uh... no. No. Dolly's great."

Billy pulls out of the parking lot without a word. The track on the cassette changes, and the melancholic lyrics fill the silence.

When you love somebody With all your heart and soul And you want to keep them with you But you know they want to go What do you do? What do you say? When you know they want to leave As bad as you want them to stay

Billy's fingers tighten around the steering wheel. This song was always a bitch to get through, but it's downright torture right now. He thinks about changing it, but it would only draw attention. Best to just push through it, act like it's just another song. Keep his feelings down like usual.

Steve notices the shift, though. He also notices the way Billy's eyes have gone a little glassy, starting to fill up with tears.

He gets it. Billy's mom is a sore subject for him, and as he listens to the lyrics spilling out of the radio he can't help but to feel bad for his boyfriend. There's an ache in his chest like he's carrying Billy's emotions for him. He wish he could. Wishes Billy didn't have to feel a single bad thing for the rest of his life, he's already felt enough.

And then the chorus starts, and Steve's mind switches over to his own past woes.

And there's nothing quite as sad as a one-sided love When one doesn't care at all and the other cares too much It's a sad situation, I must say When someone wants to leave As bad as you want them to stay

Nancy feels like a lifetime ago. And he's over her, he is, but. Some wounds take longer to heal.

This song would've hurt more had he heard it back then, in the thick of it. But now he can mourn that period of his life for what it was and look at Billy and take pride in what his life is.

You know how much I love you But I know you don't love me And I know it's just a matter of time before you leave But I, do I stand aside and just let you walk away? But I know you want to leave As bad as I want you to stay

Billy wonders when the blow is gonna come. How long it'll be until Steve breaks the news. Will probably let him down easy, because that's the kind of guy Steve is. And Billy won't go down without a fight, because that's the kind of guy he is. Can't ever let things go without kicking and screaming.

Maybe he should end things first, beat Steve to the punch. Leave his ass blindsided, leave-

"Hey," Steve's voice comes gently, along with the hand now holding Billy's on the wheel.

They're stopped at a red light, so Billy chances a glance over.

And there's nothing quite as sad as a one-sided love When one doesn't love at all and the other loves too much It's a sad situation I must say

"I'm glad I have you." Steve smiles, all soft and sweet. Delicate, like he's stepping through a minefield. "I'm glad we have each other."

Billy's breath catches in his throat. Doesn't know what kind of sick game Steve is playing. But he's holding Billy's hand, and he's staring into his eyes, and he looks sincere.

His mom had looked sincere, too, all the times she told him she loved him. Look where that got him. People are sincere, until they aren't.

When someone wants to leave as bad as you want them to stay Oh, it's a sad situation I must say When someone wants to leave as bad as you want them to stay

"You can't-" Billy starts, choking on his words. "You can't leave me." His own honesty strikes him, but the words are out, and he figures it's time to lay it all on the table. "Or- if you are, just do it now. Don't string me along Steve, I won't- I can't-"

The light's gone green, but there isn't a soul on the road, so Steve doesn't feel guilty almost climbing into Billy's lap just to hold him as close as he can, kissing the top of his head, his cheek, his lips.

"I'm not going anywhere, blue." He holds Billy's face between his hands, forcing him to understand the weight of his words. "You're stuck with me, whether you like it or not." He shakes Billy's head for emphasis, eliciting a laugh from the both of them.

There's tears streaming down Billy's face, but it's relief. Maybe he jumped to conclusions, maybe he has to reel that shit in. He'll work on it.

"Yeah, okay." He sniffles. Doesn't make a move to get out of Steve's grasp. "You're stuck with me, too, though."

Steve beams. "Wouldn't have it any other way."

[devotioncrater]

The Tedependent Tinhat Thesis

Welcome! Welcome to The Tedependent Tinhat Thesis.

As of writing this, only Episode 1 of Season 3 has been released so far. If you feel the need to send me an anon about how Ted/Trent won’t happen, I implore you to remember when fandom culture used to encourage people to ship characters freely — even when those characters never interacted. This is all written in good fun, and to critically analyze Ted Lasso through a queer lens.

Disclaimer: This meta compiles various topics discussed by people in the Tedependent camp. I cannot take credit for everything. If anything, this is a love letter to them. 

To make this a bit easier to digest (and write), I’ve divided this meta into the following sections:

Queerness in the Media. Ted Lasso and His Subtextual Bisexuality. Trent Crimm, Independent. Tedependent Evidence. Rom-com Tropes and Structure. Narratives and Storytelling. Unexpected Ending.

So let’s begin on a base level of understanding about queerness in the media and how that history does and doesn’t tie into Ted Lasso.

Queerness in the Media

The presence of queer people in film has been a contentious topic since the enactment of the Hays Code in 1934. The Hays Code sanitized/censored what could be shown on-screen, and catered to an audience of white, straight men. This sanitization/censorship of media went hand in hand with the American societal shift into conservatism at the end of the Great Depression and WWI.

The Hays Code remained in effect until 1968, when the political landscape of America once again shifted — this time into a more progressive light. Until 1968, filmmakers and creatives within the industry sought out ways to bend and push the Code’s rules. The invention of television helped play a role in the dissolution of the Code, as did the growing number of foreign films which depicted things like queerness and women’s sexuality. 

Why is this relevant to Ted Lasso, a television show made in 2020?

30 years of conservative censorship and catering to straight, white men does a number on what people deem “acceptable” to show in film. This thinking extends into the world of television. The Hays Code was rooted in conservative ideology and created a system in Hollywood that prioritized white, straight men’s stories — to the point where there was little representation of anyone else. Its effects are still felt today, 55 years on from dissolution. There still is a terrible underrepresentation problem in Hollywood that runs from POC stories to women’s stories to queer stories. Even worse if any of those stories intersect with each other.

Before we dive into the topic of queer-coding in television, we need to understand the history of queer signaling. Queer signaling emerged so that queer people could identify themselves to other queer people without outing themselves to danger. It is by nature subtle to ensure safety within a homophobic society. Men wearing green carnations on their lapels, women giving other women violets, and the use of lavender are all queer signals that were used back in the day. Fashion choices are another signal (the old hanky code), as are certain phrases (“Are you a friend of Dorothy?”).

When you leave things to be subtle, it allows for people on the outside to interpret the information in a way that is easiest for them to digest. That has ramifications on queer history to be erased or explained away or rewritten to better push a heterosexual "default". You see it time and time again when historians call women who lived together for decades "good friends" or when historians laugh at the possibility of someone like Abe Lincoln being queer. There's this homophobic undercurrent of: How can this beloved, well-known person be queer? Why would you even imply something like that?

The same thing happens to queer characters on-screen. Queerness in television, specifically, has a history of being coded. Queer-coded characters are characters who are not explicitly queer — sometimes even are mentioned as straight —, but through their mannerisms and traits can be perceived as queer to the audience. Well known queer signals help aid in queer-coding. Harmful stereotypes also are utilizied to code a character. Therefore it is important to discern the intent and the use of these signals and/or stereotypes. 

(Please note: Queer-coding is different than Queer-baiting. To code a character as queer is inherently neutral, while to bait a character as queer is almost always negative.)

The ambiguity of coding allows for the show/studio to not have to present overt representation at the risk of alienating its audience. Hello, Hays Code.

Queer-coding is a reflection on society's stance on queer people at the time the character is written. In the 1980’s, when the AIDS Crisis was labeled a “Gay Cancer”, Disney films queer-coded their villains (notable ones include Ursula and Scar). In the 1990’s, Chandler Bing in Friends became a queer-coded character, but instead of villainizing him, it served to ridicule him. Even jumping forward to today, characters (such as Deborah in Hacks) still remain coded despite other characters within the same show being explicitly queer. 

And while the queer-coded characters of today are not targets of outright villainization, there lies an undercurrent rationalization to their subtextual queerness. For example, characters like Wednesday and Enid Sinclair from Wednesday are explained away as: “Well they’re just friends”. 

Characters like Ted in Ted Lasso can be explained away as: “Well he isn’t toxically masculine”.

Ted Lasso and His Subtextual Bisexuality

Ted? A queer-coded character? Afraid so, bucko. 

He isn’t the only one in the show, either. Keeley, Colin, and Trent are also queer-coded for their own reasons. Colin most notably for his Grindr comment; Keeley most notably for her various sapphic comments. Trent…we will get to later on. 

(It is worth noting that as of writing this, there are still no explicitly confirmed queer characters in the show. Although the case can be made that Keeley is confirmed bisexual already).

Focusing back on Ted, there is a good amount of evidence for bisexuality that can admittingly be explained away. People can point out that he’s secure in his heterosexuality, that he isn’t toxically masculine, that that is just how his character is. And yes, those viewpoints are all true and well and good, but I want to pose a question: 

Why are we so adamant that Ted Lasso isn’t queer?

Explaining away a queer-coded character’s subtextual queerness is perhaps the easiest route fans can take. Whether there is (implicit) homophobia attached or simply because of the fan’s strict adherence to what’s been canonically established so far, quite a few people’s knee-jerk reaction to reading a theory their beloved main character could be queer is: “Nope! No way, José!” 

Let’s challenge that reaction for a second. Let’s put down the explanations. Let’s take a look into what, exactly, I am talking about when I say that Ted can be read as a bisexual man.

“Rugby. What a game. It’s like if American football and sumo wrestling gave birth to a baby with huge muscular thighs all caked in mud.” — Season 3, Episode 1.

This is a peek into how Ted views the sport of Rugby, and it sure is telling to what he pays attention to. It’s also said in the context of asking if Sharon is seeing anyone. The phrase “huge muscular thighs all caked in mud” draws up quite the image, which when paired up with the direct conversation context, lends itself into an erotic visual. Rugby is known to be a homoerotic sport, too. 

(Please note: The “baby" in this sentence is Rugby personified to help segue the listener from imagining the sport as an abstract to imagining the sport as tangible. “It’s like if ___ and ___ gave birth to a baby” is a common figure of speech used to mean the combination of two things. The focus in this sentence is not the baby, but rather the muscular thighs.)

Ted could have said anything else about Rugby. But he didn’t. The first association he has with the sport is “muscular thighs caked in mud”. Why is that?

“Guys have underestimated me my entire life. And for years, I never understood why. It used to really bother me. But then one day, I was driving my little boy to school, and I saw this quote by Walt Whitman, and it was painted on the wall there. It said, ‘Be curious, not judgmental.’ I like that.” — Season 1, Episode 8

Walt Whitman was an openly gay poet in the 1800’s. His famous body of work Leaves of Grass has clear homoeroticism within it. The quote Ted references, though, isn’t a Whitman quote. But Ted believes it to be. “Be curious, not judgmental” is an aspired quote that reminds us to be more open-minded. 

Added layer: Not understanding why peers underestimate you or treat you different is a common experience in the queer community.

“That’s funny, when it comes to small talk I often ask myself what would Dolly Parton do? Start with the 9 to 5 and end with God Only Knows” — Official Twitter. Sept 28, 2021

“And next week is, if I remember correctly, Shania Twain.” — Season 2, Episode 1

Dolly Parton and Shania Twain are gay icons, especially to country folk.

“Shoot, I know I got goosebumps. I remember being a little kid, sitting in front of the television and watching Queen perform right over there during Live Aid.” — Season 2, Episode 8

Queen is not only an iconic band, but interwoven with queer culture. Freddie Mercury was bisexual.

“Last time I saw equipment this impressive, I was about 20 minutes into Boogie Nights.” — Official Twitter. Aug 30, 2022.

Boogie Nights is a 1997 film about a man becoming an adult-film sensation in the 1970’s. Twenty minutes in, there is a scene referencing the main character’s dick.

Boogie Nights also draws heavily from the disco genre for it’s soundtrack. Disco is a staple in queer culture as it allowed people freedom to express their identities in the nightlife scene. It didn’t matter who danced with who in the clubs.

“I feel like you two [Beard and Nate] are about to do some improv comedy or tell me that you’re dating each other. Either one’s cool with me. ‘Cause your suggestion is: ally.” — Season 1, Episode 9

Ted is supportive of queer relationships. An ally, as he says. But maybe he isn’t just an ally.

He repeatedly calls members of the Diamond Dogs pet names/terms of endearment. “Sweetie” “Baby” “Honey”, the list goes on. When this began in Season 1, Episode 6, Beard found it out of character for Ted to do so. (Nate asking him if Ted’s alright and Beard laughing, “No!”). What makes me pause on this is that the origin of Ted’s terms of endearment stem from Michelle leaving him. Ted’s looking for emotional comfort or familiarity in other men that he can no longer give to or receive from his ex-wife.

Other straight men in the show (like Roy) don’t engage in this behavior.

Ted also really enjoys musical theatre. He references musicals a lot. I mention this information now because it is important later.

There are more examples in the show, but I hope I’ve laid out enough to get you to at least see the repeated mentions of queer culture. They’re spinkled in, sure, but they are there. And they’re given in a way that gives an impression that maybe, maybe Ted isn’t as straight as we’re led to believe.

Keep in mind that sexuality is fluid, bisexuality exists, and characters evolve over the course of their stories. Is it really so out there to imagine Ted developing into his own?

Let’s move on to Trent.

Trent Crimm, Independent

We do not know much of Trent’s backstory. Yet. James Lance has said in interviews that Jason Sudeikis brought it up to him early on. Interesting, as Trent hadn’t yet become a series regular. Was there always a plan in store for his character?

Well what do we know of Trent? From other character’s reactions and comments about him, we know he is someone who writes scathing exposés as a journalist. We know he’s highly obervant, blunt, and at times aloof. He takes his job seriously and he loves the sport of football. A “tough cookie” as Ted put it. People listen to what he writes about, as Rebecca mentions in Season 1 Episode 3. He’s established in his profession.

We also come to discover that he’s grown dissatisfied with his career. He’s “looking for something deeper”. He goes from disliking Ted (“Is this a fucking joke?”) to burning his source out of personal respect for Ted (“My source was Nate”). This shift in character is pretty drastic, though believable if you pay attention to how he acts in the press room and the questions he asks throughout Seasons 1 & 2.

He has a je ne sais quoi about him that queer fans of Ted Lasso have picked up on. Perhaps it’s the way he dresses, his hair, or his overall vibe. Perhaps it’s the way he looks at Ted like he’s endlessly fascinated by him. Trent Crimm, Independent inexplicably reads as gay.

Tedependent Evidence and Speculation

Keeping everything we’ve established so far in mind, let’s go through some of their scenes together. Keyword: some. This meta is long enough as is.

Lasting First Impressions

In the Pilot episode, one of the first things Ted says to Trent is, “I like your glasses.”  To which Trent takes them off, looks at them, and replies, “Oh, thank you.” And then it becomes a recurring move he does nearly every time he talks to Ted.

In Season 1 Episode 3, Trent greets Ted, “Hello Coach Ted Lasso from America.” to which Ted replies, “Hello Trent Crimm from the Independent.” And then that becomes a recurring joke between them.

Speaking of Season 1 Episode 3, if you jump to 18:29, you’ll catch Trent giving Ted a full body check as Ted finishes getting ready. 

Bring It On!

“Make like Dunst and Union and Bring It On, baby!” Ted says to Trent in Season 2, Episode 3.

The 2000 film Bring It On! includes a storyline about a gay cheerleader who is comfortable in his sexuality. The movie addresses issues of racism, appropriation, and systemic inequality. It’s become a beloved cult classic.

It is also the first time Ted uses a term of endearment on Trent. He doesn’t do that to any of the other journalists, indicating that they’re on personal friendly terms. Most of their interactions seem to happen off-screen. Ted baked birthday biscuits (and decorated them) for Trent’s daughter. Trent and Ted may have swapped phone numbers somewhere along the way too, seeing as Trent’s able to text him about Nate later on in the season.

The Tie Between Oklahoma! and Casablanca

When Ted references Oklahoma! in Season 1, Episode 5, it’s to specify that the musical is ruined for him due to it becoming a safeword in his marriage with Michelle. The direct quote is:

“So if either of us says ‘Oklahoma,’ the other one has to tell the God’s honest truth… Did ruin the musical for me though. So now every time I hear, ‘Oh, What a Beautiful Mornin’,’ or, uh… what… ‘Surrey with the Fringe on Top,’…”

“Surrey with the Fringe on Top” makes an appearance in the 1989 rom-com film When Harry Met Sally. Harry and Sally sing it together impromptu on a karaoke machine in an electronics store. Sally’s profession in the film is in journalism.

What else is referenced in When Harry Met Sally…? So glad you asked. Casablanca is referenced in the film a couple times. In the beginning and in the middle. It serves the narrative purpose to indicate how Harry and Sally’s outlook on love has developed over the years.

Casablanca is a hallmark of the romance genre. And it’s also been referenced in Ted Lasso. In Season 2 Episode 7, when Trent leaves his date to go over to talk to Ted, he says, “Of all the pub joints!”

The Casablanca quote is: “Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.” It is said by Rick about meeting Ilsa again.

Season 3 Episode 8 is allegedly titled “We’ll Never Have Paris”, which is a subversion of the Casablanca quote “We’ll always have Paris”. 

Now for the absolutely insane bonkers speculation. That quote is said in the final scene of the film right after Ilsa asks Rick, “What about us?”. Rick isn’t getting on the plane with her, they’re separating, this is the end of their story. “We’ll always have Paris” is a reassurance that they’ll always be together in their memories. 

So if “We’ll always have Paris” is a signifier to the end of a romance, it is possible that “We’ll Never Have Paris” is a signifier to the start of a romance. And who else in Ted Lasso has referenced Casablanca? No one. The only reference in the entire show so far has been said by Trent to Ted.

Twelfth Night

Want to get even more insane in the membrane? Of course you do.

Before Trent walks over to where Ted sits at the bar, Mae makes a reference to the Shakespearan play Twelfth Night. Her direct quote is: “If music be the food of love, play on. Give me excess of it.” 

To which Ted replies: “If that's your fancy way of asking if I want another one, you guessed right.”

Sidebar here — because I love connecting the dots even if it turns out I haven’t connected jackshit — Ted’s reply could be a double entendre. He doesn’t say “if I want another drink”, he says “if I want another one”. Another one of what? It’s clear in the context of the bar it’s another one (beer), but it could also foreshadow to mean another one (love). The latter makes sense when combined with Mae’s reference.

Because Twelfth Night is a love story. It’s a romantic comedy. It’s a queer romantic comedy.

So Mae makes a cryptic reference — unprompted — to the opening of a queer love story, and then immediately afterwards we get Trent greeting Ted with a reference to another famous love story. 

Remember how Trent did a full body check on Ted in Season 1 Episode 3? Well now it’s Ted’s turn. He does a full body check on Trent around the 31:50 mark in this episode. And he seems genuinely happy to see Trent until Trent puts his journalist cap on. 

This happiness is also short-lived if we jump forward to Season 2 Episode 12. When Trent texts Ted initially, Ted smiles at his phone. The smile goes away as soon as Trent sends him the article he wrote.

Burning A Source

Trent burned his source for Ted. This serious, established journalist burned his source.

The Carpark

“Hey! There he is. I was worried about you. I thought you might’ve been in a bike accident or something.”

“Actually, I don’t know how to ride a bicycle.”

“Really? That surprises me.”

“Why? Cause of the hair and the whole vibe?”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

— Season 2, Episode 12

Let’s break this down. 

Remember how I said certain phrases are used as queer signaling? Bicycle is one of them. Bi-cycle used to be slang for bisexual (an example of this in pop culture is Queen’s song “Bicycle Race”). Trent saying he doesn’t know how to ride a bicycle could be a double entendre, with the hidden meaning that he isn’t bisexual. He then goes on to ask Ted about “the hair and the whole vibe”, which could be another double entendre. This time with the hidden meaning to ask if Ted’s got a gaydar. The pause at the end of his question and the way he asks it is equally important. He’s testing the waters with Ted. 

And Ted passes the test with, “Yeah, I guess so.”

They are also in a carpark, which is a callback and parallel to not just Ted and Michelle, but also to Roy and Keeley. 

This entire scene is coded and contains heavy foreshadowing. There’s a lot to unpack. From Trent’s choice of words to locking himself out of his car to Ted saying, “Do what The Man says and try to follow your bliss.”

Speaking of Ted, this is the last scene we see of him in Season 2.

Rom-com Tropes and Structure

So how does that evidence fit in with the story structure? We all know Ted Lasso is a rom-com. So let’s dissect the genre’s tropes and how its typically set-up.

Perhaps one of the most common rom-com tropes is the journalist falling in love (sometimes with who they’re writing about). Sleepless in Seattle, When Harry Met Sally, He’s Just Not That Into You, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, etc. This profession is popular.

There are also the friends of the romantic leads who help guide them. Diamond Dogs, anyone? 

The anatomy of a rom-com is typically done in three acts.

ACT ONE: Meet-Cute

Every rom-com has a meet-cute. It’s integral to the structure. And oftentimes — if the rom-com includes someone who is a journalist — that meet-cute happens in the workplace. During this act, the two characters get to know one another and start to fall in love.

ACT TWO: Lose

This stage typically happens two-thirds of the way through. There’s a dissolution of some sort. One character betrays another or they argue or something gets in between them. Either way, one of them leaves.

ACT THREE: Declaration

Whoever left realizes “Wait a minute…I’m in love.” and then the rest of the film leads up to an iconic declaration of love. The characters reconcile and it’s — generally speaking — a happy ending.

It would make sense for Ted Lasso — which references rom-coms and rom-communism out the wazoo — to incorporate this structure. And I think that it already has somewhat in regards to Ted and Trent’s storyline, if you view each act as a corresponding season.

Narratives and Storytelling

Before we saw Ted’s panic attacks and now chronic depression, we got inklings of it. The writers consistently sprinkle foreshadowing into every major plot point in Ted Lasso. The situations in the show feel plausible and real because they’re given the space and the time to breathe, grow, and develop. Pacing is integral to this.

For a show to be so progressive yet not have an explicitly queer character seems strange to me. It feels off. We are given hints, though, which lead me to believe that sexuality will be a major plot point in Season 3. For it being the last season, it’s not going to be enough to potentially only have Colin be the One Gay in the entire cast of characters. That would feel uncharacteristically dismissive from the writers on a show about inclusion and found family.

It would also completely throw out a chance to further enrich the story and deepen the characters. Think about the wasted comedic potential of Trent becoming an accidental gay mentor to Colin. Or the wasted dramatic potential of the Richmond team banding together against homophobia. Or, I don’t know, the wasted dramedy in Ted talking to the Diamond Dogs about how he’s realizing he’s got feelings for men, and there’s a moment where they’re like, “No shit.”

Beyond foreshadowing, another common style the Ted Lasso writers love to utilize is the red herring. A red herring is a misleading bit of information used to distract the audience from the relevant information. We saw it in Season 2 between Ted and Rebecca and Sam. Some people didn’t connect the dots between Sam’s Bantr storyline and Rebecca’s Bantr storyline because Ted — the red herring in this example — was shown also texting on his phone. Editing played a part in this too, as some shots cut to Ted directly after Rebecca had a Bantr Moment.

I honestly think we’re going to get a subversion of this in Season 3. Only this time Rebecca will be the red herring to distract from Ted and Trent. Here’s why:

There are multiple parallels between scenes where Ted interacts with Rebecca and with Trent. This gifset captures those parallels. He gets through both of their barriers (hopping over Rebecca’s “fence” and softening Trent’s “tough cookie” exterior). It’s the Lasso Effect, baby!

What’s more, a larger portion of the audience watching Ted Lasso are primed to expect Ted and Rebecca as endgame. It’s what happens in shows between two main characters of the opposite gender, right? They get together, live happily ever after. Especially if they’re good friends. 

Anyone expecting the Ted and Rebecca ending will probably disregard anything developing between Ted and Trent even if its right in front of them. Because historically two men don’t end up together on-screen. Especially not in a show as big as Ted Lasso.

But what if a queer endgame is what Jason Sudeikis means when he says in interviews that the ending is not what we’ll expect?

Unexpected Ending

Before we look at the ending, we must look at the beginning.

The first shot of the season is of Ted’s depressed face in an airport. Since Ted Lasso has so far began and ended each season with a juxtaposition shot, it would make sense for the last shot in Season 3 to be of Ted’s happy face. Whether or not that’s in an airport remains to be seen.

The teaser trailer for this season dropped on Valentine’s Day, which was our first look into Season 3. Season 3 ends on May 31, 2023, one day before June. Or, in other words, one day before Pride Month. The combination here of Valentine’s Day and Pride Month lends itself to an interesting choice.

The official Season 3 playlist dropped on Apple Music. So far all the song’s have been in order, and as there are 56 songs on the playlist, I’m inclined to believe that it’s the entire season. 

“Wigwam” by Bob Dylan is the first song of the season. It’s got a melancholic, drifting feel to it, with no real lyrics. If it still stands that the songs are in order, then the last song on the show is “I Am What I Am” by Donald Pippin & George Hearn from the 1983 Broadway musical La Cage aux Folles. It’s got a purposeful, proud feel to it, with meaningful lyrics.

Remember how I said that Ted is a huge musical theatre nerd? La Cage aux Folles is an insane pick — in the best way — to end the show. It’s cultural impact was huge when it came out, as it was the first hit Broadway show that centered on a gay couple, Albin and Georges. “I Am What I Am” quickly became a gay anthem. I can’t give notable lyrics because the entire song is a love letter to being out and proud of who you are. It’s also worth noting that Albin and Georges are fathers to a son.

But why would they pick this particular song from this particular musical? Why choose a gay anthem? 

I cannot say for certain that Ted and Trent will end up together by the end of Season 3. All I can say is that it would make sense if they do. From the set-up to the Rom-com tropes to the unexpected ending. And if it doesn’t, if all this ends up being wrong, that’s okay too. 

Still, though, I can’t help but root for them.

[transmutationisms]

do you have more dracula thoughts? i've read the book and honestly the chapters i enjoyed the best were jonathan harker's letters and then it went downhill.

i actually think the most interesting bits To Me have to do with lucy, her mother, and her vampirism [incest goggles on]

i've always seen lucy's choice of preying on children as a reenactment of her relationship with her mother, obviously with roles reversed. when lucy and her mother are both alive, there's a bodily blurring of identity between the two of them: sharing in each other's sicknesses, to the point where the other characters end up lying to each of them about the other's condition, for fear of transmitting / worsening the illness that way. i think what lucy does by preying on children, specifically, as a vampire is essentially create that same maternal relationship, with the blurring of bodies now rendered literal by the supernatural elements of the genre. lucy never progressed past the attachment to her mother by cementing an attachment to a husband; so, as a vampire, all she can do is recreate this dynamic with the children by killing them. we're meant to understand she wants a family, but that desire has been perverted by her transformation into a monster; however, i'd argue this goes beyond just wanting a child and has to do with her unresolved grief about being a child herself. vampiric feeding in the novel is sexual---more obviously with dracula and jonathan/lucy/mina, but nevertheless it's established as an act of both consumption and consummation. so, for lucy to act out motherhood in this specific way is both central to the horror that stoker is trying to convey (in this way, a pretty openly reactionary appeal to the sanctity of the family!) and i think tells us quite a bit about how these filial relationships actually function and what they entail.

the obvious connection here is the number of times dracula is described as having a "childlike" mind, and particularly how this childishness manifests as his desire to kill the men specifically so he can possess 'their' women (i don't have page numbers but he says this toward the end lol). what dracula wants is, on the surface and in the minds of the male characters, a type of possession quite different to a sanctioned legal heterosexual marriage. however, i'd suggest that for readers, just as lucy's vampirism is not a deviation from maternality but a supernatural intensification of it, so is dracula's desire to steal away and possess the female characters a vampiric version of nuclear coupling that doesn't introduce any new elements to the arrangement, only problematises its already existing ones. his "childishness" is therefore a combination of projection on the part of the human characters, and stoker's partially-baked engagement with certain orientalist ethnological discourses about individual psychology as a recapitulation of the progress or decline of a civilisation.

i also wrote a bit about the sci-fi elements and medicine of dracula but those are further down in this tag :-) i honestly wasn't blown away by the book (esp not by stoker's prose) but, it was entertaining and it's such a cultural touchpoint that i felt like it was an informative read regardless.

[moonshynecybin]

bez wld soooo love orville peck... its crazy to me hes not a bisexual man who follows trixie mattel on youtube bc he went to a rupauls drag race watch party with his sisters established gay friends (was not out but whats thinking abt it and his sister Knew) and thought she was funny and then when orville peck does her makeup... ooooooh he is so gay...

the thing about bez’s particular brand of hot girl with artsy sisters athlete repressed. is that he is still in many ways normal about OTHER gay people. truly i’m not homophobic #loveislove but WHY do i feel murderous rage when cele kisses that guy in tha club 🧐 like YEAH i’ll wear a homoerotic shirt it’s FUN i’m SECURE in my sexuality (tenuous grip on heterosexual identity shaking like a leaf in the wind) truly LOVES homosocial spaces LOVES sports men loving each other and because he thinks he’s straight and normal he clocks none of his insane homo behaviors….

[orionsangel86]

What do you think sex means for an entity like Morpheus? Even between us humans it means different things for different people

Thats an interesting question. Probably not one anyone but Morpheus himself could answer. As you said it means different things for different people. Sometimes sex is just a primal desire for carnal pleasure, sometimes its about developing a deeper connection, sometimes its about "love making" with someone you are intimately connected to, sometimes its simply an act for reproductive purposes.

From a human perspective it is very difficult to imagine sex and sexual intimacy from the view point of different beings. We are still only in the very early stages of understanding the importance of sex among other animals on Earth outside of just reproduction, and we know that some animals also have sex for pleasure or for intimacy bonding.

Morpheus, like all of the Endless, is a creature that exist so far outside of anything that we can truly understand. They are anthropomorphic personifications of concepts. What is sex to a dream? When a dream is such a loose concept in itself - dreams and wishes, and midnight sleeping hallucinations created by the unconscious mind... that sex is often a part of, sometimes in insanely bizarre and disturbing ways. Dreams and sex kinda go hand in hand, and Morpheus IS Dream, sooooo... sex is probably quite important to him in lots of ways...

Okay maybe I went a bit too deep there for a moment lol. Lets tackle this on a smaller scale. We know from the comics that Morpheus, as a human shaped creature, has sex. We know he has taken many lovers, only some of which we ever actually learn about. We know he has the ability to reproduce, since he has a son. We know he has human genitals (thank you Sandman: Overture for the full frontal nudity) and that as a male shaped being he prefers to take lovers of a female shape (though juries still out on what exactly happened between him and Lucifer with his smooth Ken-doll groin).

We know from Calliope's rather inappropiate speech at the Wake that not only did they have plenty of sex, that he was very very good at it, enough for Calliope to feel completely consumed by their passion. We know he enjoyed sex with Nada so much that he projected their love making to the entire collective unconscious at the time (one hell of a leaked sex tape there!) so not only is he an excellent lover who is very good at sex, he also clearly enjoys it himself if he can lose control that much from it.

I am hesitant to say that he only has sex with people he loves, though it does seem rather consistent, other than perhaps the situation with Titania which we never learn anything more about - the Audible audiobook briefly elaborates and has Morpheus and Titania very briefly mention that they slept together and it appears to be something they both think of fondly but certainly aren't in love so I wonder if Titania was just a casual fling? Otherwise I doubt they'd still be on good terms! (It's funny how fandom jokes that he commissioned a Midsummer Nights Dream as a way to insult Titania but in the actual comic this totally is not the case, he commissioned it to honour her and her people. Whatever happened between Titania and Morpheus, it did not end on bad terms.) So because of that, I can't really say that he only ever has sex with people he is deeply in love with.

Honestly I reckon that since he was created by a cishet allosexual man he was written with the sexual appetite of a cishet allosexual man. He probably isn't demi or ace and he probably isn't meant to be queer (though arguably a creature such as he could never be shoved into such a limited box as "heterosexual").

Note: I don't even want to attempt to get into the various "aspects" of Dream where there is a version of Dream for every living thing that dreams in the universe and therefore have to contemplate whether Dream has also had love affairs with creatures of all different types outside of regular human shaped female creatures though I am very curious to see if the King of Cats ever took a female cat lover (i mean honestly if regular Dream was totally cool flirting with Lady Bast...) in which case we can also argue that fem!Dream takes lovers, weird robot alien Dream takes lovers, Martian flaming head Dream takes lovers and so on and so forth.

There is also the interesting dynamic between Dream and his sibling Desire, because sex is what Desire is all about, and sex technically falls under their remit - hence the many many falling outs and tensions between them where Desire appears to be the principle instigator of Dreams romantic woes. I think that for this reason, Dream probably represses his desires for sex (and love) as much as possible, and if he were on better terms with his sibling, would probably seek out sex and romance more often than he does - Thessaly being an outlier because I fully believe he pursued her as an attempt at self sabotage as an awful rebound affair following the situation where he had to face his romantic failings with Nada, Calliope, and Alianora in short succession.

In some attempt at a conclusion: what does sex mean for Morpheus? Well, its something he likes, is good at, and if given the choice would probably like to have more of it, preferably with someone he is in love with who loves him in return, given his romantic inclinations. At the same time, bearing in mind who and what he is, there is probably nothing that even the absolutely filthiest of kinksters could come up with that would surprise him, nothing that he hasn't seen or used in some way to create the most bizarre sex dreams possible, and nothing that would shock or disturb him (it's not like he ever blinked an eye even on his trips to Hell). Though whether or not that means he is into kinky shit well, the only indication of his preferences we can conclude is that he likes strong confident women who can talk back to him, and impress him and treat him as equals rather than the powerful creature he is. So maybe he's secretly a sub? :P

[cbk1000]

Anyway, here is another preview of the infamous Train Fic. (There are three or so others I've posted previous to this; if you search the tag 'preview' on my blog, you can find all of them as well as some other bits and bobs.)

“So. Speaking of. Last night. And this morning. Are you--is this…some kind of experimentation? Because it’s fine. If it is,” Merlin said. “Obviously I wouldn’t say anything to anyone. If you just need to. I dunno. Burn off some frustrations.”

The shirt was open; and came down with Arthur's back still turned, with the voice coming to him from the room which simultaneously was too small and vast a thing between them. He imagined turning round, and saying openly into the open, that Merlin as usual was a gibbering cunt; was so obtuse, so worryingly, so curiously a devotee of that ancient art of mouth breathing that his brain, when last its feeble struggle was ended, ought to be given to science. It was not doing much good for him; but somewhere in a jar it might do good for human learning. But he would have to put himself, naked and trembling, into the world where Merlin would feel obligated to tenderness; and though he could have qualified the, ‘No, I love you’ with a blistering ‘you tit’ still he would have had to offer it hopelessly in the first place. And so he said, whilst he was folding up the shirt to go beside the tie and jacket, “Yeah, sure.”

“Yeah. Ok. That’s Fine.” There was a little rustling, and then: “I guess you’re not as much of a prude about your sexuality as I thought. I mean, I don’t know if you remember, it was like a decade ago, but you did snog me just to convince my ex we were together at that Halloween party. Remember, the one where you went as like a zombie footballer or something and I was a vampire and I had to take my teeth out?”

“Vaguely,” said Arthur, who would have gone home with him after those ten transcendent seconds of tongue, and given up heterosexuality and virginity at once. 

“Yeah, I was trying to make him jealous, remember, so you went as my fake boyfriend, and he was like, ‘That’s your hetero footie mate you hang out with all the time, you pathetic arsehole’ and you walked up and put your arm round my shoulders and tried to kiss me but the teeth were in the way so I took them out and we made out a bit and it was kind of awful but he was really pissed off, so I won.”

“It was kind of awful?” Arthur demanded, throwing the shirt down. “Nobody has ever complained before.”

“Yeah, look, it was pretty obvious you’d never kissed a guy before. Plus you drank that really manky thing Morgana made out of, what was it, red wine and Coke? Your mouth was the scene of a crime.”

“What crime, the drink, or my kissing?” Arthur snapped.

“Don’t get your knickers in a knot, you were a 20-year-old straight guy; none of those kiss very well. And if it makes you feel any better, it wasn’t the worst I ever had. Do you remember Anna? She was that girl I started dating shortly after we moved in together? The blonde? Doing Asian and Middle Eastern Studies?”

Arthur, who remembered everyone who had slept with Merlin, whilst he put a pillow over his ear, to crush out the sound of others’ enjoyment, said, “Sounds a bit familiar, I suppose.”

“Yeah, well she used to, I dunno, almost unhinge her jaw or something, every time we snogged I felt like she was going to swallow my whole head, and it was like, ok, the sex is actually pretty good, what the hell is going on with her kissing, it was so bad I had to start avoiding it, because I tried to, you know, direct her a bit, like, look, you don’t have to actually put your whole mouth over my whole mouth and shove your tongue down my throat as hard as you can, and she never seemed to get that, so good luck to whoever the next bloke was, I guess. Anyway, all you did was use a little too much tongue.”

He was running to babble the way he always did when he was nervous, or trying to sell one of those absurd lies which he always pulled out of orifices even more indiscriminate than his arse, which never would have told a copper he was in the library after hours because he had been chasing after a stray cat: undoubtedly the criminal who had not only smashed the window, but made off with the librarian’s Jaffa Cakes. He was still standing in the doorway to the bathroom with one shoulder casually leant on the frame, as if he did not see much excitement in this new line which they were about to cross in their friendship; but the mouth was going on, quite independent of his brain, which must have been observing the tragedy in defenceless horror. It had gone to Oxford; not only gone, but winnowed out one of those firsts which were achieved by so small a percentage of students. Somehow the brain had done that, and was also doing this.

“You know what the proper amount of tongue is, then,” Arthur said, to preclude hearing anything else which might turn his stomach, or penis; and turning now to raise an eyebrow at the figure in the doorway, which finally had done the nigh on miraculous, and shut up.

“You want me to demonstrate or something?” Merlin asked, and shifted in the doorway. One of his hands in his pockets noticeably flinched; and he crossed one foot over the other, then crossed the other foot over the one foot. He took out one of his hands, to itch under his chin and at the nape of his neck. 

[rottenbrainstuff]

BG3 playthrough - House of Hope

Man I’m getting legit sad I’m getting so close to being done.

Unpopular (?) opinion - I have read people explaining up and down and back and forth about how pressed they are that Haarlep says Raphael is bad in bed, how Haarlep is unreliable because he hates Raphael, how he’s an incubus so his standards must be very high, how Raphael is probably purposefully doing this or that because Haarlep is a spy keeping an eye on him for daddy so of course he’s not going to appear vulnerable in any way, even how sad and conflicted Raphael must be, being a cambian…

Honestly - I have zero trouble taking Haarlep at his literal word. 100%. Raphael’s house is literally full of paintings and statues of himself. He wrote an entire book that’s nothing but descriptions of different scenarios of him being crowned with the crown of Karsus. His diary entries are absolutely insufferable. He is the textbook definition of hubris and vanity. I have zero problem believing Haarlep literally. And I say all this affectionately, by the way: Raphael is one of my favourite characters in the entire game. But it’s kind of like how everyone wants to soften out all the rough edges on Astarion - I like him like this. I think it’s hilarious that he’s so vain. His hubris is so funny. His opinion of himself is so high and his confidence in his victory is so complete, but his personal incubus is sitting here lounging in his bed absolutely roasting his ass to complete strangers with very little prompting. I think he’s a great devil character and I don’t want to make up excuses for his behaviour in order to humanize him. I definitely do love complicated antagonists who have more to them than it first appears, but honestly I just do not get that vibe from him. And I love him for it.

Haarlep was so funny btw. I just love it when actors are having fun. That must have been so funny to come in and voice the character, like, ok so for today, you’re doing the same voice as before, except make it slutty and bitchy this time. It makes sense I guess that Haarlep can change into a female form if you want, of course he can, and I think it’s funny that even when Raphael wants to shake things up a bit, it’s still with a version of himself, but myeh, that whole thing felt to me like a “hey don’t worry if you’re icked out, we have a girl option too that we can totally switch to if you want.” Maybe I’ve just read too many forum arguments about how there’s too many gay people in this game and people are crying to have a toggle to turn it off, and it makes me hostile to anything that smacks of trying to soothe people’s hurt heterosexuality. (because like, theoretically there could be lesbians who object to the scene as well?) Oh well. Still funny in the end. I was going to go through with just sleeping with Haarlep to avoid a fight, because that’s the direction my tav generally likes to go, but then Astarion got very concerned and made me feel bad, so I changed my mind.

Well this whole area was fun. I loved Raphael’s house. I loved all the details. I loved the debtors, the tacky ostentatious bullshit in every corner, I loved the rotten banquet. Is that its natural state and he charmed it to look fresh when I arrived? (disgusting, I love it) Or has he just been so pissy about whatever went wrong with the skeleton folks at the table that he’s never bothered to have it cleared and has left it there in a temper tantrum as a lesson? (ridiculous, I also love it) I love how absolutely, singularly obsessed Raphael is with my party. I know it’s because we are the means by which he thinks he is going to get that crown, but it also feels personal and weird and uncomfortable. I love that my contract has this place of honour in his archive. It’s almost touching, if it wasn’t my fucking soul. I love how absolutely self-assured Raphael is, how confident he is that his plan is going to work, how the possibility of a failure or a trick, like, he doesn’t even have the capacity to consider that a possibility. It SO GODAMNED FUNNY to kick his ego-inflated ass when he was SO FUCKING SURE that he would win. Raphael you are such an insufferable idiot. I love him. I’m so glad the VA won a Bafta.

The Raphael fight is tricky, but honestly, half of the trick is that before you even get there, you have to fight your way to the foyer past the most annoying enemies. I guess Hope’s divine intervention which can restore your spells and HP helps to balance that out though.

It was surprising to see I was able to get Yurgir to side with me in the fight - I had assumed he’d be SO fucking pissed after I tricked him in the Shar gauntlet. Now I have an additional ally in the big brain fight! …except he really wasn’t all that helpful in the Raphael fight, not at all. He’d go invisible, pop out of invisibility, knife someone for maybe 7 HP, then pop invisible again. I guess every little bit helps but…? Come on dude. At least stay visible so you can soak some hits.

Apparently it’s possible to make Korilla survive the fight? I was… NOT able to do that. You get some extra dialogue if you do, but the fight is hard enough to win even without trying to manage a hostile NPC who is usually the first one Yurgir targets. Sorry Hope, sorry Korilla. How come you can cast Otto’s Irresistible Dance on Raphael, and it will incapacitate him, but it won’t make him actually boogie? I was so excited to see him dance, and then he didn’t, he just stands there.

It doesn’t even need to be said - Raphael’s fight song is of course amazing, chef’s kiss, perfection.

Anyway, bard vs bard fight, very fun, when you kill him Raphael crumples dramatically to the ground, I love the big boss fights in this game.

Coming back, I got a stupid lecture from the Emperor about how naughty naughty I was being. Sure asshole, lecture me about trust, that’s really rich coming from the guy who didn’t trust ME with anything, and I had to pry the truth out, unwillingly, in stages. I can’t fucking wait to doublecross that guy.

If you attack Helsik, Raphael’s boss song also plays? That was… a little bit strange! I wanted to see what was in her basement, but the fight with all the gilded imps and Minotaurs and whatnot was such a pain I didn’t bother. Apparently you can access the basement through Dammon’s basement anyways, if you really want to see it, so. I DID make sure to pickpocket those gauntlets back off her cause I want them.

Mannnn. I’m almost done the game. WTF. All I have left to do is go give Mol her contract, talk to Voss in the undercity and piss off the Emperor, get my poop in a group and… that’s it. I’m off to fight the brain. I’ve been playing this playthrough for six months, and I’m almost done.