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Important (Hiatus)
....Where do I start?
After three and a half years, I think I've hit burnout.
Ever since my semester started back in August- no, back in the spring, my interests had fully shifted.
I think my career and journey as a writer and story teller are branching out into new territory now. And I want to see where it takes me.
It's been progressively harder to bring myself to write for this blog. I still have things sitting in my drafts and my inbox is still full but I really want to write original stuff and focus more on the series I started.
Not to mention that I genuinely have to start job hunting now as well.
After non-stop uploads and posts for nearly four years, I'm going to say that this is being put on pause. I wanted to last until the fourth anniversary but I can't bring myself to write that many posts and prompts to fill in that gap. Getting to this point was difficult as it was.
Don't get me wrong, I don't want to bring this blog to a full stop.
I still want to talk to people. I still want to hear your ideas and your stories as well. I plan on keeping my commissions open if you still want more Zelda or LU stories, but for the blog itself, I think it's run its course.
I plan to spend more time on my other blog that I made for the stories I plan on writing in the future.
You can find it right here.
I hope to see you there! I have many more stories to tell. I just think that my time for LU is gonna be put on hold for now until my creative energy comes back.
I want to put my energy into something more productive to me in becoming a full-time author.
This community has opened up so many opportunities for me and I've got to talk to so many wonderful people. I couldn't be happier with where I am, truly.
I owe you all so much.
So thank you for entertaining me and my nonsense. <3
Thank you for giving me the push I needed to believe in myself.
And lastly, thank you for sticking with me for as long as you have.
All that being said, there will be no posts (written works) as of next week. And there will be no posts in the foreseeable future unless they have been commissioned and I have been given permission to post them.
#pinky speaks#linkeduniverse#linked universe#linked universe x reader#lu x reader#I made this blog May 2021#I didn't think anything would come of it#now at over 2150 followers I think I really have a chance at my dream#granted#free short stories on tumblr are different than buying a book#but if each of you bought one copy of my book#that would be incredible#i know it won't happen#but i like... actually have an audience here#with my writing in demand and people *wanting* to hear my ideas#I'm not starting from zero#and.... it makes me so happy
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10 lukewarm syscourse takes
from someone who just briefly scrolls the tag from time to time:
1. Labels are only as helpful as they are, well, helpful.
If calling yourself something feels right, that’s great. Fixating on fitting into the labels, however, isn’t.
The labels are there for you to define & communicate your experiences, not boxes for you to cram yourself into.
2. Innerworlds are not a separate physical realm, but they may present that way to a system.
Not all systems are going to have one. Some have to put effort into creating one, if they want/need it. Some systems have very vivid & complex innerworlds.
Innerworlds are a healthy form of dissociation when utilized as such. What’s considered a “healthy” amount of focus on the innerworld will vary from system to system. For some, it could be none at all.
3. This one is very much just an opinion— I don’t believe anyone should invite outsiders into the creation of their system/innerworld. (Ex. Alter packs, innerworld packs, etc.)
If these are things that are going to be parts of your brain, I believe it’s worth thinking over the pieces.
4. Fusion is a good thing, so is functional multiplicity, and the two aren’t mutually exclusive.
We’re personally aiming for functional multiplicity, but are hoping for some fusions as well. Which works better, or the proper balance between fusion & multiplicity, will differ per system.
Demonizing fusion is harmful.
5. Calling out “fakers” is useless.
I know someone who mistakenly thought they had a CDD. Through support & professional help, they came to the conclusion that they were wrong, but they now have a deeper understanding of themself & of dissociative disorders. This person wasn’t “faking it”. They did have mental health issues and problems with identity/dissociation that needed to be addressed. They just turned out not to have a CDD. (This is why professional insight can be useful.)
If someone is truly intending to fake having a CDD or being a system, they’ll get bored of it eventually. Feeding into them (ex. trying to call them out) will only make it “more fun”.
6. Having a CDD vs. not having a CDD is different. CDD systems are not the same as non-CDD systems.
Even if there’s overlap, they are not the same thing.
CDD systems and non-CDD systems can and should have spaces where they interact. I think it’s important to acknowledge that a CDD system will work differently than a non-CDD system while doing so, though.
7. Telling systems what “can’t” happen within their system really doesn’t help anything.
How would anyone but the system experiencing it know? To an extent, the only limit is the bounds of a system’s imagination. Maybe it doesn’t work that way for one system, but it does for another.
Note: Sometimes it is necessary to say that some things are simply not possible, and the belief that they are can cause harm. (Ex. The idea of someone in one system jumping into another person’s system.)
8. The misinformation spread about in online system spaces, presented as scientific fact, is concerning.
CDDs are understudied, and the internal systemhood aspect of them even more so. Non-disordered systemhood, barely studied at all.
Sometimes, the answer is “there hasn’t been enough/any research on this yet”, and we as a community need to learn to be okay with that.
On the other hand, dismissing the studies that have been done, or twisting them to fit a narrative (ex. claiming CDDs are not trauma-based disorders) is just as bad, if not worse.
9. Nuance is necessary.
Existing in online system spaces should not require “picking a side”.
I think syscourse would be a kinder and more productive topic without an “anti” and “pro” dichotomy.
10. Walking away can be best.
These are niche online spaces— anyone can leave them. If syscourse is genuinely affecting someone’s mental health, the way to deal with that is by leaving syscourse for a while. It’s okay to take a break.
Personally, I think it’s great to have no interaction with any online system content every once in a while.
That’s all for now 👋 Hope y’all are doing well and doing it with well-intentions.
#thanks for coming to our ramble#open to discussion as always#syscourse#tfs syscourse#system stuff#did stuff#(no dni)#x jetta#x paisley#sysblr
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GtsGro Products helpline this is Jacob how may I help you today. "
Jacob swiveled his chair over to his monitor as his headset hooked him up to a face to face call. He positioned himself squarely in frame as he accepted the request. He watched his screen intently as he waited for their screen to hook up.
With a small chirp the camera connected and Jacob watched as a college aged girl popped up the webcam aiming down on her. Her cardigan popped open as a white bra poked out. The girl stared up impatiently at the screen waiting for the conversation to start.
"what's your name" he asked to get the ball rolling'
The girl stammered as she winced and readjusted her bra.
"k. Kate it's Kate"
"nice to meet you how can I be of service today"
She paused for a second as she took a deep breath obviously annoyed with the situation. "I need you to fix this stupid growth I'm getting unexpected growth and I need it to be reversed before my date tonight."
"all right just let me write that down real quick" he started typing her symptoms into the notes section trying to get to the root of the problem."and what products have you been using"
She winced again. " The body amplification pills. You know the ones that are supposed to be a short mild burst."
You nodded as you watched her groan. "Okay just sit tight for me imma figure out what's going wrong and then we'll get you a solution. So are you unhappy with the product or are you..."
He was cut off as she shrieked.
She folded down out of frame before popping back up. "Your stupid pills are making me way bigger. I just wanted slightly bigger boobs for a couple hours instead I barely fit into the bra I got and last I checked I was 3 inches taller. None of my pants fit me. "
Jacob rifles through his notebooks. "Okay according to my notes here. The body amplifier pills are incapable of height growth. I think you have the wrong pills or maybe took too many"
"NOOO you don't understand. I only took one and I'm getting bigger "
Jacob rolled his eyes as he started to run out of patience none of the customers ever read the instructions and he was getting tired of it
Just then Kate grabbed at her overstuffed cardigan and pulled it apart. The buttons barely holding on as she let the cover fly off her shoulders resting on the chair behind her. "LOOK AT ME"
She heaved her chest forward. Now Jacob tried to remain professional but she did have quite the chest and she wasn't exactly not flaunting it for him to see.
"mm ahem" he snapped his focus back to her as he coughed "Now would you like to have some reversal pills shipped to your house. We can get them within 24 hrs but more than likely the temporary effects will wear off by then.
"YES YES I WANT THE PILLS SOMETHINGS OFF I CAN JUST.. FE.. FEELIT... SOMETHINGS HAPPENING!"
Jacob snapped all his attention to the screen as she sat up straight. "Oh shit" she muttered as she fell back against the chair. She began moaning and dahling as she wiped her face. Her body perspiration beyond normal means. Jacob watched as she shook and sputtered then right before him she grew.. much larger. Her breasts heaved forward. The cups barely managing to hold her in as she spilled over the edges. Her straps dug into her shoulders as she started to turn red. Her pants button flew up and into screen as he heard what sounded like denim tearing. Her cardigan fell to the ground as her hair grew longer down her body.
She finally came down from her high as she took in deep breaths between choking and muffled cries. "Did you see that I'm..." She sat back up to her full height as Jacob watched. She had obviously grown a lot bigger than she had expected based off the look on her face. Her arms darted around sizing herself up as she gasped.
"WHAT WHATS HAPPENING."
"my ass tore my pants there's a gaping hole".
Jacob rolled his eyes again as he started to slyly contact an emergency team filing the report. "Okay well if your on the pills you say you are then we will send the reversal pills over. Obviously your having some sort of adverse reaction but it should be manageable" he lied through gritted teeth.
He had never seen this severe of a reaction to their lowest grade growth pill she was either lying or ODing but he had never seen anything like this. Jacob motioned for his boss who began sauntering over.
He watched as Kate readjusted her webcam so it wasn't staring directly at her tits to Jacobs dismay.
He muted as she bent over. "What's wrong"
"I got a lady growing way bigger than usual on our temporary body amplifier pills I've never seen this before what do I do."
His boss pondered for a second. "Get an emergency team file request up and running but don't send it till your sure she will be a threat she should be fine." Jacob nodded as he turned back over to his screen.
She was wincing and panting again as she tried to get his attention. He unmuted as he popped his volume back up. "I'm back sorry for the.."
He pulled the headphones away as she shrieked into the mic. She was shaking and moaning again as he popped the headphones back on. "HEEELP MEEE"
He heard the sounds of denim rapidly tearing and shearing off as he heard her chair groan and creak from under her. Her head Rose our of frame. She panted and gasped for breath as her bra popped off. She reached a hand to cover herself as her arm braced against her growing cleavage.
She came to a slow stop asshw took in deep slow breaths before reajustingrhe cam and
Shooting a scared look into it. "PLEASE TELL ME YOU SAW THAT"
"yes I saw that the pills are on their way they have been fasttracked. Expect them within the next two hours."
"now tell me are you sure you took the correct dosage because as we both can see. Your half naked and obviously way too big for oursmall supplements."
Kate groaned. "I told you a million times I'm not lying I don't know what's happening. I only got one pill and I followed your instruction pamphlet to the letter.
Jacob was surprised she even knew that the pills came with instructions. "Alright then I've been assigned to monitor you till the pills come so make yourself comfortable."
Kate nodded as she winced again.
"something wrong"
"no no it's just Everytime it's starts I feel a twinge shoot across my back but I think I'm fine I still have a couple minutes before another spurt "
Kate leaned back and winced again as she grimaced.
"Kate.. KATE what's happening.
All he heard was moaning and hrolunting as she started shaking and trembling again. She heaved upwards. Her boobs pushing her arm out as they shot forward. She scrambled to cover herself as her panties shot off of her. The chair under her finally caved as she fell to the floor. Jacob watched as she fell out of the screen with a scream.
Kate rose back into frame shakily as she stood up. He watched as her chest then stomach then naval pushed past the table. Her thighs rising and settling into frame. She reached for the camera as she leaned it upwards. Jacob stared at her face as she craned over her cleavage which she still smooshed with her arm as she forced it into her chest.
"I'm too big you need to do something now I'm not stopping."
Jacob started filling out the file as he sent an emergency team the go ahead button. The faint siren picking up from the floors below as a team raced to the nearest truck. "Kate a team is on its way calm down well figure this out"
Kate nodded as she took a shaky breath . She grimaced before shutting her eyes shut tight." She whimpered as Jacob watched her shoot upwards " help meEeeEee.
Her head shot up hitting the ceiling as she fell backwards. Her bed cracking under her as she in cked the monitor to the ground. The table flipping over Asher legs kicked it up. "Shit fuck stupid legs where's the camera." She reached a hand outas she reached her webcam. Her face took up 80 percent of the screen as she winced again. "Help it's not stopping... It's speeding up"
She shot up again her head nearly back up to the ceiling.
"kafe listen to me calm down it speed up the more you freak out I need you to take calm deep breaths."
Kate shrieked as she shot up again. Her head hitting the ceiling as she fell to all 4s.jacob could hear the sirens through her mic in the distance. "There almost there just focus on breathing slowly."
Kate hyperventilated as she shot her eyes around. Searching for a solution. "Too big help me I can't keep growing I just wanted to look good for my datewhy is this happening"
She shot up again. Her cleavage swelling over the camera as the audio muffled. Her back cracked the ceiling as she began shrieking. Jacob tried to talk to Kate but it was useless as he watched her surge again.
A loud shriek pierced his headset as he watched the screen go black. "That's another adverse reaction. They're becoming more common eventually we are gonna get bit in the butt for this " his boss scrambled over.
"just erase any evidence of our involvement. Remember officially we don't exist." Jacob accessed what was left of her network as he began deleting files. He peered over his shoulder as he watched her break the horizon. Her 75 ft tall body shocked with electricity as the team brought her collapsing to the floor. Her body surged one more time crushing a neighbor's house before the team put the neutralizing agent in. Her body slowly returning to normal as they quarantined the area
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AI is theft.
Character.Ai still uses **stolen** data. Support real artists and writers. RP with real people.
IAMREALpleasegimmeahotchocotugmeinandgimmeasinglegoodreasontoliiiveeeeaaaaAAAAAAA
*Breakdown joins the chat*
An anon? How courageous of you. /lh
Actually right now you did what many chatbot users do— hide behind Persona just in case people don't accept your writing/rp style. But it's easier to play safe, I give you that. Your mental health should be your first priority no matter what people say
I do my art, write snippets of text, develop OCs and RP with people, but still make chatbots on different platforms
Why?
For shits and giggles
But no, friends, seriously
We already live with that and apparently are gonna continue to, unless the authorities decide to step in
For me cai was a tool to improve my vocabulary since 1) not so many native speakers were willing/had time to help, 2) even if they did, we had jobs and damn timezones which made our coordination harder, 3) I found out that ppl were simply too shy to play
Recently I've learned the term "Cringe culture" which is cringe itself and hella annoying at that— some writers are fucking scared to post, to be met with toxicity instead of actually useful critique
Anywho, the topic is controversial af.
On one hand, it did writers dirty. Well, fuck. On the other hand, your T9 was also trained on something and I deem LLM no much smarter than a huge T9 [a predictive text technology which almost every keyboard for phones and tablets has]
The problem I see is that the ai developers didn't ask for any data
How much easier everything would go if they had manners and/or paid for some materials? I usually don't mind lending a pen if someone asks, but can bite one's hand off if they grab it
As you might've noticed, I wanna use this ask to bring up some other interesting topics
My man, I've heard enough of "Why trying if ai renders better than me/uses better words"
Anxiety.
That's what makes me sad
If we ever manage to change that, to make people realise that human-made art is a freaking precious treasure with hours of effort spent on it, maybe earth heals and unicorns return
You buy funny one-nickel-worth stuff from Aliexpress, no? That's AI. As well as a half-gnawled pencil one finds in their old school backpack to write down an anecdote they've just heard
It's easy to focus on the bad side
If fish is ill in a dirty tank, are you gonna add more sand? Pfftt. I assume you gonna change filters, scrub that bastard clean and add more lil fishies to make others feel less lonely, instead of rumbling that you shouldn't have gotten any new weeds for the the bowl in the first place, because, who would've guessed, fish eat that. And poop. —a process natural as breathing
My suggestion is that we try to create a safe space which would encourage writing outside of roleplay, make young artists feel safe regardless of their level of skill
Or maybe I'm too far from the Internet in general and don't understand why writing example messages for a silly toy is suddenly a bad thing when it encourages kids to try themselves in text RPGs without any risk of being judged for that
An interesting topic you gave me, really, I've spent some time contemplating about it
Feel free to suggest things that we, as a community, can do right here and right now, because, gods know, I'm personally unable to atta-ta a corporation for "using language we all speak", especially when chatbots have some features which would be a damn shame not to use in language learning since it's so engaging and teaches kids new words in a forgiving game-like way
Though I hope there will be some law regulating ai and the use of ai-made products soon. Let's give it some time
#imho#character ai#character.ai#cai#cai ask#ai#controversy#i want to hear your thoughts#discussion#ai chatbot#writers on tumblr#writerscommunity#writers assemble#teachers#cmere#scp fandom#you too since we write a lot#yapping#ted talks#help#mental health#anxiety#psychology#fear#social anxiety#xoul.ai#xoul ai#moescapeai#yodayo#dnd
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Hey y'all you know sometimes when you have the urge to eat something specific but you don't know what the specific thing is? I'm having that but for crafting. Like, I feel like I want to make something in a different medium than my usuals but idk what it is??? I'm going to try drawing first to see if it's that, I think. Send me requests/suggestions to draw and I might draw them! I also might end up plushifying them if I draw them?
#the person behind the yarn#I have not given up on the progress pride quilt it is still happening#I've just had a weird week and I am trying to appease the metaphorical brain weasels so I can focus#well. so I can focus on something productive#I've almost completed a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle since yesterday afternoon#I am going to go play piano and maybe guitar and sing for a while before I draw#because I am home alone and won't bother my family by being super loud#(not that music is a bother in general I just can sing LOUD when I don't have to worry about it being too loud)#(I'm a former musical theater kid from a theater that could not afford mics so I learned to sing SO LOUD)
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I know this is just a silly bad quality random screencap of a screencap that I found on facebook lol, BUT it's a succinct enough image to easily describe the concept in a quick/accessible way hopefully :
-
(and of course, feel free to elaborate in tags, etc.! (especially elaborating about other senses as well.. can you "hear" in your mind just as well as you can "see"? taste? etc.) It's an interesting topic to me, as someone who's like a 4.5 at MOST lol. I'm curious what option will be the most common :0c )
#tumblr polls#hrmm... a little poll perhaps.. about a subject I find interesting.. since this image came across my facebook today#still really not feeling that well. no longer shaking violently and such but I still feel weird and weak much more than usual#They did say my markers for like infection or inflammation were elevated but that they werent sure of the cause so hopefully#it's nothing too serious. they did also say a lot of different things can cause that thing to be higher than normal but didn't go into spec#fics of what. maybe some of them are relatively benign or something. I still havent felt much back to normal since#I got really sick that one time though. I feel fine on and off but then little bouts of feeling weird and sick happen. hrmmm#ANYWAY.. looking for small ways to be productive. such as little doodles on evil ipad or editing game videos#or posting polls or cat pictures or some other like not very labor intensive things#I WISH I COULD FOCUS on writing HHRGGhh... I need to finish my game.. it would be so freeing.. a project that's been looming#over my head for like 5 years even though througouht that 5yrs I've probably spent a total of 3 months working on it lo.. ANYWAY#I still partially really cannot beleive that people CAN see stuff in their heads. There's always part of me that's thinking like. well mayb#e everyone DOES see the same exact thing but we just describe/conceptualize it so differently that we think we're talking about#different things when we're really not. But I have been assured by people I've talked to about it that they can GENUINELY really see#stuff in their heads like as vivid as an actual picture in real life or something. And the other senses are neat too. Like for exmaple I#can hear in my head much better than I can see imagery. I still CANNOT hear vividly like as if I were listening to actual music out loud..#but I think it's developed more than my sight. AND interesting how this varies the creative process. a friend I was talking to on the phone#said they write by literally just watching stuff play before them like a movie. where my process is COMPLETELY different. AND that affects#the content/what details we focus on as well as our individual styles of writing have differences that can be traced back to that.. hrmm
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skirts suit strider
#homestuck#hom3stuck#home24uck#home2t4ck#dirk strider#lil cal#admin draws#fanart#self harm cw#breaking my mini hiatus to post these week ol dirks#i rly wanted to draw him in a nice long skirt but that ended up not rly being the focus#the one on the left is a product of wanting to draw beach funtimes but i was too emo so it turned into something entirely different#anyhoo. exam tomorrow so im posting this as a bit of a pick-me-up. so i dont die badly without any distractions#i have stuff done im just not posting because. well.#the point of taking a break was to not have notifs to distract me from studying but lol... i think distractions r exactly what#i need after this exam. anxiety thru the roof.#what else... i started redecorating my studying corner. so i can stop doing that in the living room#its been mostly moving shit around + taping up my wall. but im waiting for a print and some frames#so im gonna take a pic and post it when its all done
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going boxing for the first time in months (at a new place, with my brother) and i wish i was normal i wish i could chill and enjoy my day without getting stressed over absolutely nothing
#i woke up and my first thought was '12.5 hours until we have to be at the class' ffs#if i mentioned this to my mother she'd start saying well why are you worried <3 what's the worst that can happen <3#but i'm not scared about specific events it's just a looming sense of dread that fucks my day up completely#i need to be working but i can't focus and feel like i'm physically dying#i can't eat which is not a good thing before a very intense class#which i'm assuming it will be#since it's muay thai#which is one of the things i've loved most in the world yet i can't do it as much as i'd like because of#so many other factors#those factors being autism#and the fact i'm a girl in yet another male dominated sport#tbf some of the nicest guys i've ever met have been in boxing classes#... and also some of the worst#every time i tell myself there's no need to be so stressed i start doing something productive#then my mind goes straight back to being scared as soon as i stop telling myself not to be#:')#also skdhvcshgd my little brother is driving me for the first time which is what i should be nervous about#not the class itself#in the mood of 'i need to hit something to calm down' ... that's exactly what i'm going to get to do. and yet
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...
#sorry i cant shut the fuck up today. i think i just feel worse on the weekends bc i kno i shoulf b relaxing#ppl r telling me to relax. take a break. let me kno how i can help. let me kno if theres a problem. bc my behavior is apparently ya kno like#visibly somethings not right. but how tf am i supposed to relax when i have so much to do#so im stuck spiraling like dont work but also think insistently abt working. but get nothing done. its horrible#mostly rn im stressed abt all the grading i havent done and the work on my masters data i havent done#but its like. something in my head is on fire and it's burning thru all my cognitive energy. i am just trying to keep existing#how tf am i supposed to find the energy to read 45 lab reports? im like illiterate#and idk i just feel bad about coming into a new lab being so sick. i just dont like being a problem#it also does not reflect well on my future career that im being such a flake on things. like sorry if i have to work on my research#assistant data rn i might die ✌️ ugh. itll b fine. i just need to find a way to effectively manage my head#and i keep hearing my dads voice in my head talking abt personal responsibility but like i dont even kno how to employ that. i could suck#it up and double down on productivity but that way leads to burnout and self destruction. do i doubke down on relaxing?#i dont kno how to do that. like u would probably just have to drug me. which is y i do not partake in substances. that way also leads#to self destruction. so what am i do to? cross my fingers and pray for a fluctuation in my general mood?#hope that aliens invade and that an incoming invasion sharpens my focus onto only one single thing?#idk. but my sister is finally working on the fish i askrd her yo draw me. so i gotta think of how i wanna get it tattooed#bc shes not an art person and its an act of indulging chaos to get an imperfect image tattooed onto me#so i might have to do some things to make it make me not insane. i asked for this bc i like causing myself problems. also i was in a#slightly altered state of mind when i asked lol but i stand by it haha. anyway. idk things r just annoying and hard rn as i knew they would#b. and im good at catching myself before things get dangerous but it sucks that i feel like a ticking time bomb of destruction. ugh.#unrelated
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everything is shit i feel like shit, hatred in my heart and soul
#sorry to vent but also i'm gonna do a vent fuck you#i've been feeling so blehhh this past week#and like. yesterday afternoon and today i felt like things were getting better#and the something like. rlly minor happened and like. it's entirely thrown me off again and i hate it!!#i don't know. *how* to make things better cos it's almost entirely like my mental state fucking up#rather than like. actual events i can focus on#i've just been so. ://////////////////#and like. yes there was probably an event that kind of. made things worse#but it shouldn't have been that big of a deal#also i'm so fucking tired all the time!! if you know me you know i don't get up past like 11 each morning#so i'm fucking getting enough sleep. why am i like this#i just. feel like shit. even going on fun little walks isnt helping anymore#i dunno. like i said things were getting a bit better. i finally managed to get myself to go to the gym which i hadn't for over a week#that helped a bit. and work acc went well today and yesterday#i'm just. ehhh i hate that something so minor can throw off again and now i hate everything and i want to scream#sorry as well that ik i'm leaving a few people hanging when it comes to replying to messages#i'll try to get round to it just like. no energy. feel like shit. you know#just. i hate that i'm feeling like this i want to be productive i want to do stuff cos ik that's gonna help#and i actually was starting to build up good habits but it's just all fallen down recently :((#i dunno. maybe i've got fucking reverse seasonal depression or something (not actually this is called a joke)#cos my winter was rlly good#or that's just. the way of life. if things are good for a while they then have to be bad again for balance#which i understand but don't like >:((#anyways. yh. shit sucks. i hate that i am being like this. screaming crying throwing up etc.#bear with me a while till i can find my feet again#marchibald's
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#realized my adhd is in fact not being better managed i am just severely stupid and have become a workaholic on accident!!#wow my life is so structured and i am so productive so this must mean i am being healthy and normal -> uh oh#if i constantly have things to do... when i lose focus then i can just focus on something else...#but this requires one to have 4 million responsibilities#and well. well.#i am like sitting here and coming up with more and more and more to work on and its like god i cannot just do it bc i know i can#in theory i can but also in theory i would like to continue to be funny and have every other anxiety disorder except for anxiety#stares at the wall at 5 am about all of the deadlines i have and how i must structure my silly little life around them like a fool#maybe i will get my momentum back when i go to school again. maybe i will be sane when my parents arent killing me#<- if they ask again if i got my portfolio results . as if i would not be telling everyone if i got in or not THEYRE STILL BEING GRADEDDD#myyyyyyyyy godddddddddd weeoigh#i am being normal and functioning again tho we are slaying i guess. i need to organize everything still but we will be fine#the gamer speaks uwu#vent#i guess . im just commenting on my behaviors
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Shakes and cries I wanna make Jackie parent hc designs but I can't because potentially one of them is a prevalent character now and her ass has not spoken a single line yet so I both know nothing and can't just start making shit up yet </3333
#rat rambles#oni posting#I hope alan shows up at some point I need to know what one alan stern is up to so badly#I mostly am hoping things stay relatively vague with the family drama but I would like a sense of what they're personalities are like#if for no other reason than wanting more proxy fuel for jackie character analysis#but alas there will likely be quite the wait until we get new story content again#which Im fine with to be clear I want them to take their time to polish things#especially since the last two dlcs were so close together#plus Id like to see some new bionic dupes before then as well#I assume new bionic dupes will come as we get more stuff but itd be comforting to see all that stuff not be locked behind a whole new dlc#Im fine with dlc exclusive dupes dont get me wrong I just don't want the oni team to build a situation in which the bionic boosterpack#starts to retroactively feel like an unfinished product due to basic things such as a decent dupe selection being locked behind other dlcs#I rly hope that new bionic dupes are sprinkled throughout different qol updates or something like that instead#other than that I have no real expectations for what comes next gameplay wise Im simply content letting the oni team cook#I just am also going to be a big baby abt wanting new lore already the entire time because I wanna draw alan nowwwwwww#I also need to know if jackie's maybe brother is older or younger than her this is so important#since I very first read oni stuff I have seen her as the youngest of 2 and I would rather have them shatter that image sooner than later#I still Want him to be older but I am very willing to accept my hcs being obligerated with jackie#the last time they did it it was entirely for the better and I trust that when they inevitably do it again it will also be for the better#that being said I do want to announce I take it all back abt wanting more joshua stuff Im too attached to my hcs let me have this#joshua is the one oni character where I just like fully let loose my ideas upon it would be so easy for it all it crumble into dust#and like I would adapt and be fine but I would rather get to keep the ever growing chunk of my oni playlist he takes up in tact#thankfully I feel fairly comfortable that most the relevant guys in the basegame story aren't going to be too much of a presence for now#we seem to be getting more focus on general worldbuilding and less on preexisting characters#most glaringly olivia has basically been a complete nonpresence in both dlcs so gar#nikola and ashkan both continue to be the offhand mentioned but outside of them the focus seems to be shifting towards new characters#in particular I find it fun that gossmann has been mentioned in both of the recent dlcs making me wonder if shes going to be smth of a#nikola like character for the upcoming dlcs#also please let b. boson be burt please please please please please I need my boy to be real#I'm inclined to say he also certainly is but there is a world where boson is a rando so I can only be so confident
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i need to put this hyperfixation of mine to work
#MIGHT AS WELL try to be productive with it if it’s still refusing to going AWAY#angel.txt#i can pull out my old language learning project#maybe make a new one…?#i’m rotting in bed and i hate it i need something#i can try to do this w other work too but i’m ngl using my hyperfixation to focus when it comes to certain things pisses me off so#only if i’m desperate#i guess
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Ama zoe
Me: *sighs*
It's beautiful and weird on so many levels.
Get Round Tuit
#mmm something curious there certainly#you are going to look very pretty with both of you on your knees#it's so good I just Have to see it though#on some level always.... listen bro i wanna play with her as bad as you#just rituals of hard drugs and mind melting sex#shivering....giving a forehead a kiss#it was....so strangely intimate#one of those small things to look back on and be like I think she was really into me#sigh.....#the real reason for the honeymoon wait is you need all parties there#yeah I was captive of the way she moves though#one must focus until there is nothing but the orgasms rolling in waves#not by interaction no conferences#language skill drops as the full body approaches#I see all these videos...#and perhaps after you ascertain body control with practice#like maybe you think you know#but I always have tricks even I don't know I can do up my sleeve#your so small it doesn't matter#you can just have your head go down prone and I will simply contine to pull you up to full head at entry and back#I sense my crotch getting wet down there....#uh whoa she a really sweaty#Hot sweat juice#has a distinct smell of pussy though#I catalyze your glandular production with my hands on celestial mechanics#but yeah you were contorting involuntarily and you might as well give me access to *sniff#flick my tongue just on the hairs#rub my lips into your neck....but it's not a kiss#it is just telling you I own you#pot holder
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Little things that improved my life 𝜗𝜚˚⋆
Accepting my sleep schedule. I'm a night owl; I focus at night, I'm calm at night, I'm motivated at night. For a long time, I tried to fight this since everyone always preaches getting up early, but since I started accepting my natural sleep schedule, I've been feeling a lot better and have become way more productive.
"drink more water". TEA. Tea is the secret here. I will be honest, I hate drinking water; it doesn't matter if I have a cute water bottle or a cute glass, I still hate it. TEA.
Replying quickly. I used to be one of those people who get a text message and think, "Oh, I'll reply to that later", and then just forget about it entirely. Now, I text back as soon as I see the message. This has not only improved my texting anxiety (which I cause on my own by now replying and then feeling bad) but also deepened my connection to my friends. <3
Keeping my circle small and being okay with that. Over the past months, I've had this sudden urge to expand my social circle and get to know more and more people, especially after I moved in August. However, this quickly ended in what I like to call my "social burnout". I was tired, annoyed, and overwhelmed. It took a few weeks for it to settle, but I've come to the conclusion that I would much rather have a smaller circle of people who I trust and love deeply than a huge group of friends, and that's totally okay.
Wearing what I like. Even though I live in a big city, I'd still say that my style can sometimes be a bit more extravagant than what most people wear, another point is that I'm very uncomfortable with pants so I only wear skirts, which is also considered a bit odd where I live. But over the past years, I've come to accept that and have become so sure of myself and found such comfort in my style that I now just wear whatever I like, and it makes every day a little bit nicer.
Reading and writing for pleasure. Reading books outside of my studies and spending time researching topics that simply interest me is such a great way to calm your mind. Same for writing, I always like to say that to write is to think; putting your thoughts on paper in cohesive and well-crafted sentences that you can then reread and think over again is such a liberating thing to do.
Reaching out more. fuck the whole "double texting" and "no contact" thing. If you want to speak to someone because they mean something to you, then just do it. Unless they specifically asked for space, you shouldn't feel bad about wanting to be in touch with them. Many even really appreciate it when you show that you truly care. Let's stop the nonchalant act, and instead, let's face deep emotions and true vulnerability. <3
As always, please feel free to share your own little insights and things that helped you improve comments! <3
my insta: @ malusokay
love ya ・:*₊‧✩
#malusokay#girl blogger#it girl#pink blog#that girl#coquette#aesthetic#dream girl#pink pilates princess#glow up journey#glow up#mental health#self esteem#self love#self care#self improvement#loa blog#gaslight gatekeep girlblog#girlblogging#this is a girlblog#girlblog aesthetic#gaslight gatekeep girlboss#winter arc#dollete aesthetic#girly tumblr#just girly thoughts#girly stuff#studyspo#studyblr#study blog
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ADULT STORE
↳ GETO すぐる + fem!reader
"Oh, see I told you... this product's a bit intense."
1.5k words
Pt. 2
Summary : product testing with the helpful employee at the adult store!
Warnings : minors do not read/interact : smut/explicit content : using toys, stranger/hookup sex, softdom!Geto, praise, cunnilingus, fingering, dirty talk, squirting, multiple orgasms, sex fantasy trope (sex with the adult store employee)
Note : i haven't made a trip to the adult store in ages bc... everything i want is so expensive lol (the struggle) 😭 i have some rlly funny adult store stories i could ramble about but i will refrain ✋ anyways, indulge yourselves in this fantasy, angels! 😈
Playme : wanna know what it's like?
The gate of the store buzzes, the employee watches you open it with a clink and enter the adult store. Your eyes flood with the overwhelming sight of wall-to-wall toys.
The smooth voice of the employee comes from behind the cash register.
"Yo."
Long hair. Dark, brooding look — almost gothic. Attractive hands with pronounced veins running over the back of them, poised on the countertop which he's lazing over.
He sees you and slowly straightens out his back out to impress you with his height.
"Ah, h-hello..."
He hears you stutter, and assumes it must be your first time in an adult store.
"First time? I mean, in an adult store, that is." he breaks the ice.
"Haha, y-yeah... yeah, it's my first time."
Yeah, that's what I thought.
He holds hard and deep eye contact with you. Yes, he's aware of how intensely he stares. He's doing it on purpose.
"Would you like some assistance, or do you just want to leisurely browse by yourself?"
His tone is so friendly, it doesn't let on to how heated his abdomen is getting at the sight of you.
"Yes, please, I'd appreciate your assistance."
Aw, of course.
"M'kay... then let me assist you."
He smoothly comes out from behind the counter and the two of you stand in front of a wall of toys.
"Overwhelmed?" he chuckles, noting how your eyes widen while looking at all the products. "I know there's a lot to choose from. But just focus on your needs. What do you need?"
"What do I need? Honestly, I have no idea what I need." you laugh nervously.
I know exactly what she needs...
"Well, why don't we carefully go through the products together? I'm sure I can figure out what you need. Promise I know my stuff. I've been working here for three years."
His nonchalance and professionalism puts you at ease. It's something he prides himself on: making customers feel relaxed.
Your eye catches on a pink dildo, so he takes it off the rack to show you up close.
"This one's good, it's got a ribbed design." he shows it off. "Are you looking for just penetration or clitoral stimulation?"
Aw, she's flustered.
"Uh, both I guess? Yeah. I'd love both."
Of course you'd love both. That's what you need, pretty girl.
"Both? Come over here. Let me show you something you might like."
There's a flirty tension between the two of you that just keeps getting more and more... intense.
He plucks a curvy vibrator. It looks expensive. Because it is expensive.
"This one's got ten functions—"
"—ten?! Sounds a bit extra."
"Nothing's too extra when it comes to your personal pleasure."
The two of you share a long look, then laugh.
"But it really is an excellent product."
"Are you advertising?" you joke teasingly.
"Absolutely." he jokes, "Kidding. I'm not trying to come across as a preachy marketer or something. I've used it with partners in the past, that's why I'm recommending it; I know it's good. It's a pretty intense toy. Helps girls squirt even if they think they can't."
I could make her squirt.
He's running his eyes up and down your body.
"Is that so...?" you mumble flirtatiously, eyeing out the product in his veiny, manly hands.
"Hm, still a skeptic? Because I'm sure I could please you."
He hopes that you note his deliberate use of 'I' and not 'it' there.
"Yeah. I'm sure you could please me, too." you flirt.
A heat erupts in his abdomen and stomach.
Oh wow... now she's really flirting, huh? Why'd I wear tight pants today of all days...
He has an unwavering gaze on you. You've captivated him. Put him in some kinda horny trance.
"Did I say me? Sorry. Slip of the tongue." he murmurs, voice dropping lower, "I meant the vibrator." he obviously lies.
You and him exchange a suggestive, longing look. You can feel your pussy clench around nothing, begging to get stuffed up and pleasured.
He hesitates before speaking again, as if he's scared of crossing a line and making you uncomfortable.
"If you want to... we could test it out together?" he suggests. His nonchalance is an act, really he's so nervous when he asks this.
"I'd love to..." you consent, and he doesn't miss the erotic excitement in your tone.
He nods towards the backdoor, eyes keeping on you and your cute little body that he just wants to feel and squeeze like a toy itself.
"Promise to keep your lips sealed about this? I don't wanna get fired for uh... you know... demonstrating products... to my pretty customer."
"Only if you promise to help me squirt for the first time."
Oh wow. Fuck. I'm hard.
His lips widen into a devilish grin. "Sure thing."
After a sloppy, desperate make out with this stranger, you find yourself sat on the couch in the breakroom. Door locked. Blinds shuttered closed. Legs spread wide to his liking, as he cushions the vibrator into your plush slit.
He's rubbing it slowly up and down your folds. He watches your reactions intently, breathing heavier at the sight of your pussy squishing under the pink dildo. The buzzing sound fills the room, but your moans are louder.
He clutches the toy gently, massaging the bulbous head into your clit with sweeping circular motions.
"F-fuck... that pretty clit feels good, doesn't it? Yeah? Let's get it feeling even better."
He turns it up a notch. It buzzes harder against your sensitive nub.
"How's that? Haha, yeah, intense, isn't it?
"Yeahhh — Fuck! Ohhh that's so good, that's so — oh my goddd fuckkk. S-sorry I think... I'm gonna cummm — !!"
"It's okay. Cum as hard as you can, yeah? I want you to get a good idea of how well this toy can pleasure you before you buy it, after all. Oh there we go... just let go and... f-fuck... wow... j-just cum like that. Fuck... that pretty clit feels so good now, huh? Gonna cum? Gonna cum for me, with a vibrator on your cunt?"
He takes note of your reaction to his dirty talk and smirks. Then he slyly turns the toy's setting higher and it buzzes more intensely, and in one... two... three... seconds, you're squirting like crazy all over the pink vibrator and his hand.
Holy shit, look at that pretty pussy gushing... she could drench my dick. I wanna be inside her so fucking baddd...
"Oh, see I told you... this product's a bit intense." he regains his professional tone after you cum.
He turns the toy off and watches you come down from your shaking orgasm, smug look on his face. He keeps it clutched in his veiny hand, and brings it up to his lips to suck and lick up all your juices from it.
She tastes so fucking good... I feel dizzy.
You watch him with wide eyes as he tastes your slick off the toy.
"F-fuck... wh-what did you s-s-say your name was again?" you stutter, starstruck by this stranger.
You're so fucking dizzy, your pussy is buzzing like it still feels the intensity of the toy against it.
"Hm, wanna know my name?" he smiles teasingly, "How about you cum on my face and then I'll tell you."
"Fuck, okay."
And then as soon as you give him permission, he's hungrily diving between your thighs.
"Oh my god..." he loves how you gasp and writhe under the influence of his mouth.
Let's see how fucked-out I can get her. Wanna see her lose her mind 'cause of me.
His lips latch onto your labia and suckle, then onto your clit. He points his tongue at your clit, then oh my god flattens it and laps at your bud while suckling. His softness shows a hint to tenderness in his personality; he really knows how to treat a woman well.
This stranger spoils your pussy with his tongue and lips. He seems to be in his own little world while nosing between your thighs. He carelessly gets your juices smeared across his cheek and lets the rest dribble down his chin.
"Fuck fuck fuck — like that, like that. Don't stop don't stop — !! 'm gonna cum! G-gonna — fffffffucking cummmm ahhhhh — !!"
He flicks the tip of his tongue against your sensitive bundle of nerves, eager to make your pussy freak out on his mouth. Just before you cum he slips two fingers into your hole, middle and ring, and pumps them into a sweet spot hard. He just wants to get an idea of the feeling of your pussy when it cums.
Suckling at your clit, fingering you with nice hard rough strokes, closing his eyes like he's the one enjoying it meanwhile he's silent and you're moaning like you're going insane. He can tell you're close and speeds it up.
"Cum cum cum, cum for me. Just let go and cum." he sounds so desperate, and that professional tone of his is finally cracking. "Cum on my fucking face, please."
And he dives his tongue right back into your hole, wriggling his tongue around, resulting in the nastiest wet squelching sound. His lips press flat against your pussy, he draws in a deep breath and your heat is all he smells.
Please cum on my face. Please please please.
"Ah! Fuck! Fuckkkk!"
You gush right on his lips, which are plump and swollen and red and glistening with your slick.
He pulls away and licks his lips and tells you his name.
"Suguru, by the way. My name's Suguru. Hey... can I give you my number?"
Oh he's so smooth. But he's even smoother at the checkout, when he asks if you're free this Friday for a date. At his apartment. With the company of some of his favorite toys.
© arminsumi
Do not plagiarize / repost / translate / copy layouts / etc.
Do not steal what I've worked hard to create.
#smut#mdni#geto#geto suguru#geto x reader#geto smut#geto suguru smut#geto x reader smut#geto x fem reader#geto x you#geto x y/n#jjk smut#jujutsu kaisen smut#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jjk x you#jujutsu kaisen x you#jjk geto#suguru x reader#suguru smut#suguru#x reader#female reader#fem reader
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