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#well this got worse fast
justatalkingface · 1 year
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The 'Great' MHA Read Along, Part Two (Chapters 5-7): The Aizawa-ing.
*checks last post, gets more than one like*
*blinks*
Huh. Well. OK then. Let's do another one, I guess.
And, literally the first panel? Bakugou. Wow, Bakugou is so great, so strong...
Bakugou scored zero rescue points. Zero. He was the only one, as far as we know, to get zero points and still pass... and that doesn't concern you at all? Considering most people didn't almost die like Izuku and Ochako, then the bar for 'rescue points' honestly must have been in the ground, like helping someone when they fell or something. And here, in UA, an elite school for Heroes, whose job is to save people, Bakugou scored zero rescue points. Like, I don't expect him to not get in over this, but it'd be nice if, instead of everyone fawning over him, from literally page one, someone could go, 'Hey, I don't like the looks of that'.
Then we transition to Izuku and All Might, and I guess that answers the question of, 'Why couldn't All Might help Izuku get in?': because he knew Izuku wouldn't want that.
I. I'm actually not sure of that? He wouldn't want attention, at least. But whatever, ultimately, the problem I have with that is All Might literally just dropped him in the exam with absolutely zero Quirk experience when, from all accounts, he could helped him get in somehow, Mr. Number One Hero, but....
Alright, bear with me a second. In theory, letting him earn his way is fine, but in practice, there's no fucking way Izuku should have passed if he didn't accidently crack the morality cheat for this exam, and it doesn't take a rocket scientist to realize this. At the same time, though, it's clear he doesn't deserve to be recommended student, yet, because again, he's a total noob, and I doubt he'd pass that exam, either, since it's just a giant race.
I think, ultimately, the problem here is Izuku is in a position where there's no reasonable way for him to pass, period. And I can't really blame anyone other than Hori, since, you know, author, and it goes back to what I said last time about he just set up Izuku to struggle for struggling's sake. And the thing is, he could still have had a hard time at at exam, but not have been so damn helpless about it; I mean, in all honesty the only reason Uraraka survived (as far as we can tell those robots are not safety proofed) is that he just so happened to have his Baby's First Quirk moment at that very moment, and since his Quirk is on the level of a fucking god he accidentallyed a robot that could step on a fucking Gundam. If it wasn't for protagonist level plot armor, in other words, Ochako should be dead, which... is a realization. Izuku has no way to fight the robots, or win the race, other then exploding himself, and this setup, for someone who is theoretically supported by the most powerful and influential man in the country, who is literally on the staff, doesn't really make sense. It'd be one thing if was literally nobody, but he's not: he's All Might's apprentice and heir. He is the exact opposite of nobody, but the story never really treats his situation like that; it be easy enough for them to swing it as him being Heroic royalty if All Might and Izuku were more pretentious (you could debate about the destabilizing effect of that, but all things considered All Might retiring and/or having an heir before everything went to shit actually could have been helpful, even if it made Izuku's life infinitely more complicated).
I just don't like that whole situation, basiclly, both with Izuku's capabilities and how hands off All Might suddenly is when he was helping him train daily literally to the actual day of the exam.
And then All Might admits he saw the problem of Izuku's control coming and did... nothing about that. Is. Is the reason All Might is inside OFA because it took his entire personality on the way out? A few chapters ago he was worried about Izuku exercising too hard, and now he's all, 'It's fine', with this apocalyptically powerful Quirk? And, now that it's established that there is a problem with his control, why isn't he trying to help with that problem? Like... at all?
See, this is what I was talking about last time: Arc One All Might is this committed, focused trainer who is expertly pushing Izuku's body just a hair from his absolutely limits on the daily and devotes large portions of his time to helping him improve. Arc Two All Might is just letting him blow up his arms for no apparent reason, while barely ever having time for the child with the legacy of his teacher and like, the primeval spirit of heroics inside him.
And, to top it off, there's the knowledge that he's never going to recover from this change; it only get worse from this point on.
Good bye, Competent Might. I'll miss you.
...And, here's Bakugou. And, with peerless Bakugou Logic (TM), even though he's in the best heroic school period, he's still treating his classmates as extras. Literally.
Pause here; random tangent time.
You know, early Bakugou's story has the shape of a 'big fish in a little pond' story, but have you realized his Quirk is perfect for that as well?
So, the thing is Explosion is a good Quirk, but it's just that: good. It's better than... seventy, eighty percent of Quirks we see, than most of his classmates. Then there's presumably another ten percent of equal Quirks, somewhere....
And then that last ten percent make Explosion look like kid shit. It's hard to remember with how chronically underused it is, but Momo's Quirk is terrifying with some work. I would bet that there's a chemical that neutralizes nitro she could pull out, which would neatly defang Bakugou, for example. Or, a blast of water, to get rid of his sweat, so there's nothing for him to blow up. Or, his actual, canon weakness, cold; fire extinguishers, anyone?
And that's not even mentioning Shoto. And this isn't later story Shoto, who is a side character in his own story, oh no, this is Earlyroki, who can solo the entire class with minimal effort on his part (except Izuku, but that's the starting point of their relationship, Shoto acknowledge him as a potential threat). This is Shoto before the nerfs rolled in.
The set up for the 'small pond' shit is honestly perfect, but Hori just never commits to it. Worse yet, to get around the limits he put in on Bakugou's Quirk, he just... starts breaking his own rules, all the way back with the Sports Festival (coming... at some point!), and it's super disappointing when you realize how great this could have been for realigning Bakugou's ego.
...Alright. Got off track there. Let's stop talking about Bakugou, and start talking about Iida! Iida who apologizes, and acknowledges Izuku! Iida who calls out Bakugou on his shit! Far more wholesome.
And then Uraraka shows up, and I'm pretty sure this is the end of his, 'OMG a girl I literally can't talk' phase, but again, nice to see someone acknowledge Izuku's existence and not hate him...
Ah, Bakugou flashback. I don't hate this, for once, because while it's Bakugou's flashback, it's about Izuku, and his growth, and him standing up for himself, even a little bit. Self affirmation is always nice to see...
And there's a homeless man who broke in! How talented. Wait, that's not a homeless man, that's just an adult who doesn't give a shit about personal hygiene!
(If you're new here, welcome to my blog. As you may have realized, I am not an Aizawa stan.)
(And yes, Bakugou, you tell that ball to die. How dare it be round!)
Welcome, everyone to Eraserhead Land, a world where you don't need to know things like where the consoler is, because mental health for law enforcement personal armed with dangerous superpowers is for losers! Welcome ceremony? Feeling accomplishment about getting into a top school? Possibly learning important things when everyone is gathered in one place? Naaah. If you're not stressed, miserable, and on edge, you're not doing it right!
To those unfamiliar with my posts, you may think I'm joking. I'm not.
Literally, the whole, 'Last place gets expelled bit'? Is because the kids were excited. All Might confirms that, yes, Aizawa absolutely would have kicked someone out.
Dadzawa Fans: 'Ah yes, the "Aizawa Critical" theory. The idea that Dadzawa is false and that the man in question is in fact deeply flawed and acts in incredibly traumatizing and Quirkist ways that should have massive negative repercussions on everyone he has ever taught. We have dismissed this claim.'
Me, deadass watching Aizawa prepare to kick someone out of school because some kids were happy: *blinks in visible confusion*
...This is a man in deep need of therapy. Which probably explains his views on guidance counselors.
Oh, and then Izuku neatly sums up my problem with how his life goes, that can basiclly be applied at any given moment : "My (insert normal thing here) has turned into a huge ordeal!"
Anyways, time for a bunch of tests that, by design, Eraserhead could never pass. And of course, we can't go five minutes (or five seconds, sometimes), without yet another demonstration of how unreasonable Bakugou is, what with him blasting Izuku in the race, which is actual sabotage.
Aizawa... sees no problem with this, apparently. Give it a couple of years, and we'll see an enterprising class take that to its logical conclusion, and murder and/or maim one or more of their fellow classmates for the win!
And now we have a flashback where, surprisingly (? I'm not actually sure if that should be surprising at this point) All Might actually tried to advise Izuku... by basiclly telling him to dial it back, but otherwise to figure it out himself.
You.... You had this Quirk. This exact Quirk. Why is your advice so useless?
Then we have a single panel of the long jump where I half think Bakugou ended up sabotaging Izuku again; why are these kids doing all these at the same time, again?
And then it comes out: Aizawa had already singled out Izuku, even before class, for him passing the exam at all, which didn't 'make sense'.
(With how the exam was set up, Izuku could have passed with minimal stress on his part if he just helped people instead of trying to deal with the robots all. Unironically, I don't think you actually need to interact with the robots at all, in the exam about fighting the robots. This is, as far as I can tell, a valid strategy, and it's not Izuku's fault that it rewards people for helping, bloody fuck.)
I'd bet this entire thing was just because of Izuku, so he could bump him out with minimal justification on his part. He flat out says he doesn't like All Might (an 'insufferable' hero) and compares Izuku to him directly. Like, god this is so damn targeted, and we have All Might watching, internally monologuing about how Eraserhead hates him and he's helpless to protect Izuku...
...Some the fuck how. The Number One Hero is helpless to protect his heir from a clearly biased attempt to get rid of him, when the principal is in the know about important he is. And he seems remarkably fine with his student's seemingly impediment expulsion.
'I can't help him! I'm just going to stand here watching from behind a corner instead of making sure Nezu knows how ABSOLUTELY LIVID I'll be if he gets expelled, or preparing to leverage my immense fame and influence to help, or maybe threatening Eraserhead if he takes his dislike of me out on an innocent student! Nope, no way I can contribute here, oh well, sorry for being such a waste of space Izuku, you're on your own.'
...What the fuck is this? This doesn't make sense! I bought into the narrative of this the first time I read it but now that I've stopped to think about it for five seconds this entire arc is collapsing in on itself.
Why did you make Izuku's mentor the most powerful person on the planet, with the ability to command legions of devoted fans, who single handedly changed how an entire country looks at heroes, if you were going to make him so fucking helpless?!
And then, the cherry on top of all of this is Izuku 'grows' by only breaking his finger, and this fills Aizawa with apparent delight.
Bloody hell. Here, let me summarize my impression of Aizawa after reading this arc again:
"The longer Eraserhead is observed, the more terrible a teacher he becomes."
And now we reach the next chapter, where Bakugou promptly attacks Izuku for the crime of having a Quirk, and Aizawa stops him before... whining. About dry eye.
Mr. "I expel entire classes" yet again sees no problem with students fighting each other, apparently, which is more evidence for my Bloody Mist style Class 1-A theory; we already have discount Kakashi, whose entire character is basiclly badly copied copy ninja characterization, so we might as well get young!Zabuza or something as well.
Oh, I almost forgot Aizawa's first lesson to his students: you can never trust anything I say, ever, because I can, and will, lie to you, for no reason at all, at any moment at all, even when what you think are real-life consequences are on the line, and if you fall for it that's your mistake for falling for a 'logical ruse'.
Talk about a trust building exercise, huh? Clearly, this is Best Father Figure.
Meanwhile, can I mention how nonsensical All Might teaching when he has a time limit is? Why the hell is he wasting his waning moments of power, which could be used for so many more important things than standing there while the students gawk at him? Teach as Skele-Might, or watch the security cameras or something.
...Huh. My translation doesn't have 'Dekiru' in it, even though we had Ochaka accidently call Izuku Deku. Was that later or did whoever did this just not put it in...?
Welp. This was immensely frustrating. Good thing the next arc isn't going to have anything at all concerning, SOD breaking, or horrible in it, right?
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time-woods · 11 months
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I WAS TRYING TO ASK HOW WOULD HIS EXOSKELETON UNDER HIS 'EXOSKELETON' LOOK BUT I PHRASED IT TERRIBLY AND MY PFP ISNT MAKING IT ANY BETTER
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nerdie-faerie · 4 months
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Just when I think the day's going well, I crash a golf cart
#summer camp tag#ace is a mess#i do not have a drivers license and i havent even been behind the wheel in like 4 years since i stopped lessons cus of the pandemic#the day was going fine i got loads done didnt feel like i was irritating my director too bad#doing some paperwork for her and she says when im done well take the golf cart out while its not currently raining#im like ooh fun never been in a golf cart before i see the higher up staff in them im not gonna say no to chilling in a golf cart#i did not realise that meant i would be driving esp when she asked if id been in one before and i said no#she then asked if i could drive and i said not really thought that would be it#cus i was supposed to be studying for my theory before working towards my practical#but no she insists im driving and first off i gotta reverse outta this bay now at least i didnt have to think about gears#but i hate tryna figure out how to turn whilst in reverse in mess with my brain im not great with shape visualisation#we do all our stops its fine for the most part a lil too fast going down some of the hills#and some tight turns but my turns were always like that cus im too busy focusing on the most immediate thing#we get back i park fine and then shes like oh actually there are some more stops we can make so i reverse and turn back out#do our two stops with only minimal confusion about direction then as i go to park into the bay we came from#shes like oh actually park in the bay closest to the health centre and what i should have done was reversed and adjusted my angle#instead i drove directly into the supporting beam separating the two bays 🙃😭#i immediately turn the cart off and expect her to switch with me instead shes like laughing it off oh it was just a little bump it was fine#im like it was not that was a loud ass bang i feel so bad and then she lifts up the light cover i broke off saying its just a scratch#and i feel worse so pf course thats when the camp director comes out to check on the noise and i dont think ive ever worn a guiltier look#but theyre both laughing it off oh just having a little driving lesson :) and i am mortified#she gets back in the cart and shes still insisting that its fine and i should still park after that which i do with great trepidation#but there are no more problems and the lights still work but the cover does need fixing and i just oh my god#ive never crashed before never clipped or scratched a car so of course id crash the golf cart trying to park of all things 😭
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catinasink · 2 months
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SHUT THE FUCK UP MUSIC PLEASE. I DO NOT NEED TO THINK ABOUT THAT. PLEASE. NOT RIGHT NOW
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wayfayrr · 3 months
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I hope life eases up soon man, take care of yourself
Thanks mate <3
stuff's starting to gradually get better now, actually let myself feel feelings after bottling them till it popped
just kinda turns out that throwing yourself into something so you're numb to the other things can really burn you out :') So I'm trying to find motivation to write and answer asks again, I'm hoping it'll be soon but idk atp
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technicalthinker · 10 months
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Ok but the way all these newly released 1989 From The Vault tracks hits different after the Loki finale
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getting back on my drawing slowly but surely ^^ here's an aleena
#sonic the hedgehog#sth#sth aleena#aleena the hedgehog#sorta vent in tags but its more rambling TDLR i got injured right after the other stuff lol :sob:#just a tw for xacto knives & vomitting#I probably would have gotten back sooner but I ended up having a pretty nasty accident with an Xacto knife#design students remember your xacto safety and dont end up like me#my mom says it's probably because I was distracted with other events so I wasn't paying as much attention as i should have#you always feel like they're overreacting about safety till you end up in an accident :skull:#or well#Ive been cut before with Xactos but they weren't from cutting straight against a ruler and not realizing your finger is in the way#they were mostly because of how I'd accidentally push my finger too close to the back of the knife#and circles#“Go fast with a lot of pressure” - my design teacher's instructions on straight lines... yeah. I did that.#It's kinda crazy though cause I've gotten worse injuries but HOLY FUCK#Like yeah. Spraining my ankles hurt... burns hurt... that time my elbow just decided to be unbearably painful for no reason#that last one still confuses me cause what the hell??? anyways this time was just#an actual ridiculous amount of pain for what it was#I threw up 5 times from the pain all at once... which has only ever happened before with the elbow thing#at least this was an actual reason. unlike the elbow... which I LITERALLY JUST WOKE UP AND IT WAS SEARING PAIN LIKE WHAT THE HELL????#anyways#Now that it doesnt hurt as bad it's kinda neat to look at#and think about in hindsight cause it bled a lot :sob:
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unopenablebox · 7 months
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if i can be honest. i think the whole jolene thing on here is getting a little performative and exhausting
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arcanaaa · 4 months
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@scarletbellatrix asked: ♡
Send ♡ to see what my muse thinks of yours | Accepting!
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●●●●○ | ATTRACTION ●●●○○ | AFFECTION ●●●○○ | INTEREST ●●●○○ | LOYALTY ●●●○○ | TRUST
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medicinemane · 1 year
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Can I just for a minute complain as someone dyslexic about how when I was young everyone would always be like "well look up the spelling in the dictionary"?
Just now, I go to type a word and I spell it something like "erevicobly", which is obviously wrong, but... no idea
Well, I throw it in the search engine* and find out it's irrevocably (didn't spell it right there either, but got it close enough spellcheck could fix it)
Now you might notice something here, which is if I'd looked it up in the dictionary, I wouldn't have found it, no matter how long and hard I searched, because I'd be looking under "er" not "ir"
So do you see why that advice made me mad as hell as a kid, and I stand by my feelings today?
*literally one of the few ways search engines are a blessing is being a really great way to find spellings
#like my typing is great with very few mistakes; but my spelling while mostly alright these days isn't great#cause like... literal diagnosed dyslexia since I was a tiny kid#and let me tell you; no matter the reason; people will shit on you so much for poor spelling (no matter the age too)#fucker; we speak english; everything you said was a lie#there's not (consistent) rhyme or reason to it; and sounding it out is terrible advice cause we've all got fucking accents#and sometimes even if you don't the word is fucking worcestershire and you're fucked#actually gets me a bit heated how many good teachers I had who still acted like this#I actually have many strong opinions on linguistics and teaching despite not being a linguist or a teacher#give me descriptivism or give me death#prescriptivism can burn in hell where it belongs#and one thing that technology has 100% made better (at least for me as a dyslexic adult) is being able to spell well and quickly#it's an aid and an accommodation to me; we just don't look at it like that#I literally can't even spell accommodation; but you get to see the right word there#I have a vast vocabulary... I just can't fucking spell half of it#so prespellcheck you just kind of... had my writing look a lot worse and be a lot harder to parse#the main thing that helped with my spelling wasn't school or anything... it was everquest#you want to be able to type to people and be understood; there's no spellscheck or anything... you work to get it right quickly#mmos are a great way to teach typing if you don't have voice chat#similarly it's actually thanks to tumblr that I'm a quick typist; zero formal training with it and sucked through my teens#was a quick chicken scratch typist... pretty fast; but I pecked#through typing a lot of messages and asks to people on here and wanting to do it quickly I stumbled on something pretty...#close to what I think they teach; though I'm pretty sure there's gotta be some differences#it's nothing formal for one thing; it's all muscle memory; the fingers go where they go#but I can type pretty fast and accurately with my eyes closed#and it's just cause... I wanted to say things to people and say it quickly#eh... I hope I kill myself soon#... it seems out of nowhere; but that's just how my brain works; this is stream of consciousness more or less so... figured I'd leave it#anyway... there whatever this is... is#mm tag so i can find things later
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mobbothetrue · 1 year
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I have my drivers test coming up, which I want to be very focused for with minimal distractions.
So, of course, today I managed to get sunburned all over and stung by a wasp
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dimiclaudeblaigan · 1 year
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I can't believe it's been a week without Little Man... When he first came home he was so happy and excited. He would play for two to three hours straight. He loved his food time but then he would go back to playing, with naps in between before his regular nighttime sleep.
Seeing him decline from that to never playing, always starving and wanting food because of his illness (the poor thing had no fat at all to keep him warm by the end...) and otherwise just sleeping really hurt. It hurt even more to see him after a deworming process want to play. He was attentive and alert, and when he heard his toys he would look with wide eyes like he wanted to play, but he was in too much pain to be able to.
During the deworming we had to keep him separated from my other cat, so he was in another room and we visited him throughout the day (and night) repeatedly and spent long periods of time with him. At night that room would get a bit cold because of its size, and sometimes I'd go in there and it was cold and I was worried he was also feeling cold... but recently I realized he really probably was because he had no fat to retain his body heat. I'm so glad I put a little blanket over him on his bed and tried my best to keep him warm. I would keep my door open so the heat could get out and keep coming back on or just stay on so it would heat up the room he was in.
His real name was Cumulus because my mom named him after that type of cloud, but I started to call him Little Man and it stuck. He knew that was what I called him, too! He started to respond after a little while!
By the end he could barely eat or even meow because it hurt to move his mouth. His jaw must have been deteriorating, and we were told his gums looked terrible. When he did eat, he could only eat wet food and even that was hard. We would hear a hard crunching sound when he ate wet food, so I'm pretty certain something was very wrong with his jaw. That was why he was always so hungry at the end - he couldn't eat enough to sustain himself.
We only had him for two months but he was so happy, sweet and precious before that illness really started to kick in. It's hard losing a cat, but it's even harder losing a five month old kitten who had so many years of life left to live. He was so sweet and playful that I can't believe how fast his illness destroyed his body from the inside out. He was bright and loving and he didn't deserve what happened to him.
Frankly, I do put some blame on the guy who sold him to us. He claims to be a rescue operation and that's fine, but he knew the mother was sick and didn't make it, yet he didn't think to check for dangerous illnesses on this cat or his sister who was adopted at the same exact day and time as he was? When we adopted him, we've now realized he was showing at least three signs of his illness already (breathing speed, heat/temperature and wobbly eyes that he often couldn't keep still). He had other issues so we didn't know what was wrong until the day the vet did an ultrasound and said he wasn't going to make it to a year old even with medication.
Imo the guy who runs that business should know the signs of illness in a cat. If you work in that profession you should know what to look out for - especially if the mother was sick before giving birth. As the shelter, it's his responsibility to know the signs and take care of health issues before adopting out. His negligence and lack of knowledge/awareness cost my family a lot of heartache and many vet bills of us just trying to find the problem. If you're working in a field with animals and adopting them out to others as a business, for the love of fuck, know all the details involved in your profession. I understand he rescues cats from kill shelters which is wonderful, but he takes in sick cats as well but then somehow doesn't notice the signs of them or their offspring being ill? It makes me think he didn't interact with them enough to notice, so again - negligence. If anyone knew what the kitten had, they might have been able to save him by medicating him before any damage could truly be done to him. Unfortunately the medication is not yet legal and is essentially on the black market and can cost thousands of dollars that we couldn't afford, but god I would've started a fundraiser to save his life if we had known. This sweetheart did not deserve the pain and suffering he went through.
I'm sad and I'm angry at this man's lack of awareness. If you're going to adopt out cats, know that you're adopting out a sick cat or potentially sick cat so you can inform and warn the adopters. "I never would've sold you a sick cat if I had known" isn't going to cut it. You should know if that's your business. That knowledge could've saved this kitten's life, or even just helped him to get on medicine to make his last months painless.
I miss you, Little Man. I love you so much. I hope we gave you the best life you could've possibly had in the time that you had. I hope all the craziness and play and love was just how you would've always lived your life. You were too sweet and you should've never had to be taken from us that young.
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kittlyns · 10 months
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Just got a check from the IRS that cured my depression
#at least for a month or so 🥹#apparently my taxes got fucked up so they owed me that + interest so girls.... fast food dollar menu is on me tonight ✨️#no but fr I can make a substantial dent in my credit card debt and have a bit left over for savings which is HUGE#since the whole phone incident wiped me out#my mom was saying stupid shit like 'it gets bad before it gets better' but for once she was actually right. even if it's just briefly#I actually cannot stress how much this means to me and I think I might actually cry in a minute#I try not to complain much cuz I know there are so many people worse off than me but it really has been bad lately#and I don't really have anyone to talk to it about irl cuz my family can't help so they'll just feel bad and suggest I work more#and my friends are people who (while I love them dearly) HAVE family who are fully capable of helping them financially without trouble so#they're always like 'just ask ur mom' and I always have to explain that there is literally not a single member of my family who has savings#like I said I do love them but that is the one area that frustrates me the most. they joke about growing up poor when in reality they were#actually middle class and then I was born and raised well under the poverty line and don't remember a time we werent on WIC or food stamps#I'm a little bitter about it. esp because they still rely on family to help and that's never been nor is it going to be an option for me.#but whatever. little rant over. tonight I can go to bed knowing I can cover my bills this month and hopefully next month is better#time for me to go have a cathartic cry.
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aropride · 1 year
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like what the fuck am i supposed to do
#tw transphobia american politics etc#like. in terms of meeeee its all about me all the time. whatever.#like my state currently isnt looking super bad legislation wise & im very lucky & very grateful#but we've seen how fast things can go downhill#and it's like . i dont know what the fuck i'd do if things get bad in my state#like. where would i get t. bc there doesnt seem to be any resources for it online because it is a felony . & ppl will be all 'oh just diy i#' as if resources for diy hrt for trans men Exist or are nearly as easy to find as those for trans women. Which they arent because it is#a FELONY !!!!!!!!!!!! for trans men. But even if i were able to get t and start t whatever#if things got bad after that. idk. ive made my peace with probably never passing in no small part due to nvr pass by she her hers#go stream . but that would make me a very obvious target & there is Nothing i can fucking do abt it bc that is just how my body is#and i dont know. if my state passes anything like mo just did. im fucked man like completely fucked#but im not gonna not transition out of fear. But its like what would i do.#Anyway in terms of not-me. How am i supposed to help people in other states Like theres no real material way i can help other than#sharing information but its like am i even accomplishing anything if i cant provide a way to help as well. but i dont know how to help.#and things just keep getting worse in my country & around the world & i cant help & i cant fix it & i dont know what to do#Anyway. whatever#text
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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years
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#sometimes i feel like my brain is disintegrating in my head. coming apart like a lump of paper in a pool of water#it comes with this weird feeling of vertigo. like i turn my head and my thoughts are spinning too fast. they keep going despite my standing#still. its also a but when you start drinking something and when u stop your thoughts r hazy and ur breathing is heavy#maybe thats not a universal experience. sometimes when i stop i realize ive slipped half out of my body#and now im stumbling from day to day trying desperately to remember all the things im supposed to be managing#but there are these big holes in my brain. like im missing chunks of grey matter. the bits that would let me stop and start things#i dunno. when im taking measurements i have this image of myself on my knees holding the fragrance pieces of my life together as they#crumble thru my fingers and my insides shrivle away from the walls that contain them. i go hollow like a gord#and ppl say oh ur so passionate abt what u do. and i go brittle bc it doesnt feel like passion it feels like the symptom of an illness#i dont care. im just trying to burn the hours away. make time vanish. and for what? what am i building toward? i have an answer that i give#interviewers but i dunno i never thought id make it this far. but here we r. unhappy and lacking in purpose. its just that this last year#was so weird bc about a year ago i burned out so hard that i never recovered and it just got worse and worse. i feel now that ive stopped#the bleeding at least but the bitterness is still there. still infecting my words and curving my spine around the injury#and in theory i understand the path to healing but its hard when im just so. i dont even kno. angry? im not mad but the word feels right#but i dunno what id be angry about. maybe im just sick of empty tasks and not caring. i used to have passion and enthusiasm now i just feel#fragile and hurt. bracing for pain. and that makes me so sad. i wish i could go out into the woods and wander. just breathe#but no. instead ill start another day identical to 100 others and hope to keep my head above the surface bc im sick of swallowing sea water#anyway. itll b fine. hopefully this week i can commit to a program. hopefully. another program halfway across the country. this time#vertically. landing me still 2 time zones from home. but hopefully there i can breathe a little. maybe. hopefully. well see#unrelated
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gudakko · 1 year
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my absolute favorite thing about resident evil games is that the goofy architectural contraption puzzles are just a universal constant no matter the time or location
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