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teaboot · 2 months ago

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TOP 10 PERSONAL FAVE MOVIES TO WATCH WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE ASS

I don't like movies that stress me out because life is already stressful but I DO love catharsis comedy found family friendship fantasy and violence so here are my top 10 movies and series to have a good time watching

Numbered for convenience but not in any particular order

John Wick 1 and 2: An ordinary man grieving the loss of his wife gets dragged back into his past as a shadowy, invisible world of international killers for hire is slowly revealed to be living among us. A love note to set design, lighting, and choreography. My favourite part is fixating on the symbolism. DO NOT WATCH 3. 4 is okay. DO NOT WATCH 3. There is a dog death in 1 that will make you cry so skip that part if you have to. DO NOT WATCH 3.

The lord of the Rings, all 3, extended edition best watched if you're on the couch with the flu and expect to fall asleep OR if it's your day off and it's raining outside OR if you have like 5 people lounging around in pajamas

Six Underground: Essentially an hour and a half long car commercial music video with found family and a fresher take on acommon plot. Ryan Reynolds essentially writes and directs a Michael Bay movie where 6 independant criminals gather together to overthrow a violent foreign dictatorship. You show up for a dumb heist and walk out ready to build a guillotine. TW for violence, car crashes, chemical warfare, and genocide. A very cathartic ending. Does unfortunately do the whole "vague, impoverished middle-eastern country" thing but the citizens are actually show as human beings which is a nice change of pace and oh wow that's depressing isn't it

The Princess Diaries 1 and 2: A sort-of-a-loser teenage girl, played by a 2001 Annie Hathaway, learns that her late father was a king of a foreign nation and must become a confident and responsible leader for his people. There is a scene in the rain where you will experience emotions. Best watched with snacks. 2 features an enemies-to-lovers type deal with Chris Pine.

Ella Enchanted: A shrek-style semi-musical fantasy romance in which a young woman is cursed at birth to do everything anyone tells her to do. Features several Queen songs and dance numbers sung by Annie Hathaway and that guy who plays the sad dog guy in Hannibal.

Stardust: A huge loser travels from 1800s England (?) to a magical world in order to fetch a fallen star for the insufferable love of his life before she marries a massive douchebag. The huge loser? Charlie Cox. The star? A living person. Also a whole bunch of princes are ALSO looking for them as a race for the throne while discreetly killing each other off. And also a bunch of witches want to eat her so they can be young and sexy. 11/10. I used to watch this 10 minutes at a time on a YouTube channel that posted it in chunks filmed on a digital camera in their living room

The Last Holiday: Queen Latifah, playing someone played by Queen Latifah, has been working an underappreciated minimum wage job for years, living a safe and conservative life trying to lose weight and save money. Then she finds out she has months to live, and decides to finally quit her job and blow it all on one massive luxury holiday vacation complete with five-star dining, making friends and finding love and confidence along the way. It's definitely corny but it makes me so happy thank you Queen Latifah

Zathura: It's the plot to the original Jumanji but in space instead of the rainforest. But listen to me: There's a twist reveal at the end that you need to pretend isn't there. It is vitally important when you get to that part- and you will know what part when it happens- that you pretend it didn't. Otherwise, a fresh and enjoyable adventure for any age!

Redacted cause I haven't seen it in a long time and it may be worse than I remember, gotta rewatch

Bullet Train. You go in expecting a ham-fisted find-the-mcguffin style action comedy and are blindsided by excellent narrative symmetry and genuinely likeable characters. Fresh takes on old themes and creative action sequences. My little brother said "It's good", and he's a man who once sincerely argued that Lord of the Rings could have been better. It's fun and punchy violence with just enough smart stuff to not let your brain get bored

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daycourtofficial · 26 days ago

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Tell me I’m the only, only, only, only one - part two

Pairing: Eris x Azriel x reader | WC: 3.5k | warnings: mentions of violence

Summary: heading back to the townhouse to wallow in self pity is thwarted when Azriel follows you. Giving a part of himself to you, can some form of amends be made?

Previous part | Next part | Masterlist

You had to leave. You couldn’t stay there and look at Azriel and Eris. You felt almost like you were on trial, as if they were sizing you up to determine if you were worth their effort.

Eris - well, he didn’t act out of character from what you had been told about him. Azriel’s silence was the worst part of it all, waiting to hear him say something about wanting you, defending you from Eris’s gaze.

Instead you could hear the pause after Eris said he could convince Azriel to reject you. The callousness with how he regarded you was something you weren’t going to forget for a long time. Your chest was in pain, your heart crying out for the mate who hurt you.

You hurried down the hall, closing your bedroom door behind you, shoving a chair in front of it so Azriel couldn’t get in.

The house was silent, a fact you had appreciated only an hour ago, but now felt consumed by it. Was this how your chest would feel when Azriel rejected the bond - silent, empty, hollow?

You ripped open drawers, pulling out a bag and stuffing it with whatever clothes you thought necessary. If Azriel can pack a bag and go to a secret cabin, surely you can pack a bag and go somewhere yourself.

You had to get out of this house, at least to think, to get it all straight in your head. Maybe you could go to the Townhouse. Hardly anyone used it - you and Azriel would stay in it when Cassian and Nesta were particularly loud and longlasting.

A sharp pain shot through you at the memory - finding Azriel at the dining room table in the dead of night at the House of Wind, his shadows swirling around his ears, deep in thought. How his arms were strong around you, flying the two of you through Velaris. How the city glowed through his wings, the membranous skin so delicate and see through. How you had lingered in your bedroom door, foolishly hoping he might just kiss you.

The memory taints itself, your mouth filling with a bad taste. He had a mate when he had done that. It meant nothing to him.

He was your mate. But you weren’t his.

Tears started clouding your vision, irritating you more than anything. You wiped angrily at your face, clearing your tears just enough to see. It was chaos - you grabbed willy nilly from your underwear drawer, pulling out random pants and tops.

It was instinctual to grab for the stuffed kitty sitting on your bed. It was a birthday gift from Azriel. He was gone on a mission, but somehow the box was on your bed with a note that sat in your drawer.

‘He’ll keep you safe when I can’t’.

Damned stupid thing - didn’t protect you from this heartache. You grabbed it anyway, certain you’d want the comfort of crying into such familiarity.

You closed your bag, grabbing the handle before hustling through the house. You made it to the balcony, winnowing your way to the edge of the townhouse’s wards.

You sprinted to get inside, not wanting anyone to see the foolishness of this night on you. You made it to one of the guest rooms, shutting the door to seal yourself in. You sank to the floor, wrapping your arms around your knees.

It was then you noticed your mistake. The undeniable scent of pine hit your nostrils, making your eyes well up immediately.

He had been here recently, three days ago at most. Three days ago you would have given anything to throw yourself into a bed that smelled like him, to bask in the tangling of your scents as you slept.

This was great.

Your thoughts were a war in your mind, uncertain which direction to take. To stay here, to have his scent cling to you while you cried over him felt both cathartic and overwhelming. You could move to another room, but you’d have to get up off the floor and pick up your bag and that seemed like more effort than you could handle.

You sat on the wooden floor, tears streaming down your face. This was wrong. This was all wrong. You had never heard of anyone having two mates - the Mother loving someone so much she allowed them some choice in the matter.

Maybe they did exist, but the untethered, the unwanted mate got left out of history books.

That would be you. Too late and untethered, lost to history as someone who ‘was there but not important’. Was that what you would become to Azriel? A story for dinner parties?

‘I once had two mates..’

The thought made your stomach churn.

You sat crumpled on the floor for ages, practically melding into the floor board with each staggering breath. The heartache felt endless, neverending emotional damage at the knowledge you obtained tonight.

My mate’s mate.

What a gut churning title you had become.

Your fate was to remain here for as long as it hurt.

Madja wouldn’t need you for a few days, your planned vacation from work a slap in the face at how it all turned out. You couldn’t explain to her why you were back early, and you weren’t certain the old healer would even allow you back. Madja constantly expressed how important it was for healers to rest and take time off.

Hopefully sleep will find you sooner rather than later.

Pools of darkness curled around you, tiny slithers of shadow dancing in the puddles of tears littering the floor. One of them slithered up the air, catching a tear as it fell, cradling it. The shadow held your tear with such tenderness it threatened to consume you whole.

The moment was broken by the harsh knock on the door, a desperate plea of your name from Azriel’s lips sending chills down your spine. His voice was both a cloak of comfort and the source of your anger.

You wanted him gone, you couldn’t look at him now. What did Eris Vanserra possess that made him better than you for Azriel? Because he got to him first?

“Did something happen to your mate and you came to find the spare?”

Azriel made his sigh audible through the door before dark tendrils crept in from the crack beneath the door.

“We have to talk.” His voice was strong and unwavering, something you had to be to get through this conversation before you could let yourself fall apart again.

“What’s there to talk about? The Mother gave me a mate who is already mated to someone who can’t stand me.”

“That’s not true.” The shadows grew, forming a pool that Azriel stepped out of, looking down at you. Your gaze lingered on his shoes, a more formal pair than his leather boots and what he wore around the house.

Gods, you were pathetic for knowing that.

“What part of that is a lie?”

Azriel ran a hand through his hair, blowing out a breath.

“It’s technically true, but-“

“See?”

“Let me finish.” His words were resolute in the darkness, the townhouse still in the silence following his words. “It’s true. I have a mate and he is… an acquired taste. He is quick to judge and even quicker to barb with his words.”

You waited, the glutton inside of you hanging onto his every word, the anguish hungry for more fodder.

“But you… I met you and you consumed so much of my thoughts. I thought it was a crush or merely missing my mate and looking for him in others.

“But it was you. I needed to be near you. I don’t know how this works, this has never happened before. But I want to try.”

That caused you to look up, to finally see the sincerity in his eyes, to let his emotion wash over you. The bond connecting the two of you was a wave, a wall of regret and hope and sincerity so strong it threatens to blow you over.

“Azriel, I have to trust you. You are my mate, I should be able to trust you. But you kept this big secret from everyone. Why should I believe you? What would make me more than just a cover up?”

Azriel huffed, a fight occurring behind his eyes as he mulled something over. He reached a hand into one of his shadows, his arm nearly disappearing in the darkness before coming out holding a leather book with a beaten cover. He extended the book out to you, waiting until you took it from him.

The leather was cold, the spine cracked as you opened it. Every page was filled with Azriel’s near perfect penmanship. Every page dated, detailed down to what he ate in a day.

“No fae has ever seen this.” His voice was soft and unguarded before he added, “not even Eris.”

Curiosity stood at the forefront of your mind, your fingers already flicking through pages as you sat up. It didn’t surprise you that he kept such detailed depictions of his days - you would have been more surprised to know he didn’t keep detailed records. What did surprise you was him sharing this with you.

You briefly wondered if his shadows made notes for him, allowing him to transcribe the details of the day in his own thoughts and perspective. You could see him at his desk, shadows swirling and floating next to his ear, singing a song to him no one else can understand. As you flicked through it, names jumped off the page at you, every member of the Inner Circle mentioned throughout the book at some point or another.

“I have more - I have loads more. This is where it began with us - me and him. It starts somewhere in that journal - about a quarter of the way in. When you finish that one, let me know. I’ll give you the next one.”

Azriel had such a hesitant look on his face - you were certain he wanted to say more. He even stepped forward, reaching a hand out as if to speak. Instead, he merely tucked a piece of hair behind your ear before turning and walking out, shutting the door behind him.

You got the silence you wanted, but now you have a piece of Azriel laying in your hands.

You had stayed up most of the night reading Azriel’s journal, accompanied by a handful of shadows that had stayed behind after he left. At first they felt like an invasion of your privacy or a lack of trust from Azriel, but they responded to you like they always had: twirling in your hair, brushing soothing strokes up and down your arms, helping you with minor tasks.

It gave you a sense of comfort you didn’t know you needed.

You must have fallen asleep at some point, likely at the end of the first journal. You woke up in a daze, the journal moved off the bed, likely an act of protection from the shadows. Your head was throbbing, eyes so heavy from all your crying yesterday.

You laid still, trying to discern any noise throughout the townhouse, making sure no one else was here before trudging out of the room. Your rumpled clothes didn’t bother you as you made it to Azriel’s room, knocking softly, cursed with the bond to know he was there.

Azriel looked beautiful in the morning light, his hair sticking up in places, disturbed by his sleep, or lack thereof by the bags beneath his eyes.

“Here, I’m ready for the next one.” Azriel grabbed the journal from you, his fingers brushing against yours in the exchange. A shadow swirled beside him, a pit of darkness Azriel plunged the journal back into, returning with a near identical one before placing it in your hands.

“How can you tell the journals apart?”

“My hands are extra sensitive.”

You nodded, accepting his answer, no matter how confused it left you. Had it been a joke you didn’t understand? Would Eris have understood it? Blood roared in your ears at the thought.

It was difficult standing before him, knowing the intimacy between the pages of the journal you just read. How he and Eris all but killed each other in a fit of rage when the bond snapped, a fight that left the two broken and bloodied, nothing resolved before they slunk off to their respective courts.

It was a chance encounter - Azriel had been on the border between Spring and Autumn, moving in a cloud of shadow, trying to parse out any rumblings from the Vanserras when the eldest son caught him in a ball of fire. The bond had snapped into place when Azriel had begun choking on the smoke, Eris’s heart nearly giving out in shock, dropping the flames around Azriel. Azriel had immediately lunged at Eris, mated protectiveness out the window as they wrestled along the forest floor.

Pages and pages were Azriel writing through all of his emotions, deep rooted anger at the Mother’s chosen mate for him. It was months before they saw each other again, the entries between those meetings full of thoughts and new evaluations about Eris.

His diction changed somehow, as if having a mate had so fundamentally changed him it was impossible to not notice Eris’s influence, even though the pair weren’t together. He still detailed his days, but they felt more like letters at a point, or as if he were telling Eris about his day in extreme detail.

The romantic subtext left you queasy.

The second time they saw each other was near the end of the journal, an act of instinct. Azriel felt hot, searing pain, shooting himself into the sky, making it to the Autumn border before he got his wits about him. He had landed in their previous meeting spot, crouching to hide amongst the brush to wait.

It was agony, forced to hide, the closest to his mate he’d been in months.

The sun broke through the trees when Eris finally arrived, surely feeling Azriel’s proximity deep in his bones. The Vanserra had not been kind - he was all teeth, clacking insults at Azriel. The shadowsinger took it, not truly knowing how to respond. He couldn’t stop the intense feeling of relief at seeing Eris, the emotion so overwhelming he flew away after several moments of Eris’s abuse.

The last few pages of the journal were full of question marks, Eris’s name, and attempts at finding some code in the insults the redhead had hurled at him.

The new journal laid in your hands, full of a story you wanted to watch unfold.

“Thank you for sharing this with me.”

Azriel nodded, “thank you for being the first person I trusted to share this with.”

You wanted to ask, wanted to know why Eris hadn’t seen it. The two had been mated for years at least, if their domesticity was anything to go off of. Feyre and Rhys were two of the only mates you knew and you couldn’t fathom them keeping their own journals and musings from each other.

Much less share them with someone else.

Azriel looked down at you, his eyes wanting to desperately share something with you, but it was impossible to know what it was.

You bowed your head before turning on your heel, hoping to find more answers in the book you held.

It was a few days before you decided to leave the townhouse, Azriel joining you without telling him that you were returning to the House of Wind. The morning you were going to go back, he had merely been standing in the foyer waiting for you.

Nesta and Cassian would be back in a few days and you needed a change of scenery. The townhouse had began feeling too small, Azriel’s scent no longer lingering on your sheets, making your heart ache in a new way.

The flight back had been slightly awkward, the silence filled with the sounds of leather as your mind and body battled, tugging back and forth between leaning into him and pulling as far away as possible.

You hadn’t seen Azriel since the two of you landed a few hours ago, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t around somewhere. You opened the balcony doors, sitting out on the lounge chair, looking into the vast and endless sky of stars above you. You were so small beneath them, your problems somehow miniscule but all consuming.

You had finished another journal, probably journal number five at this point. Not quite ready to exchange it for the next one, fresh air beckoned to you.

The air was cold, but not harsh as it filled your lungs. It helped clear your thoughts, the frigid temperatures helping slow down your overactive mind. You now had some idea of Azriel and Eris’s beginnings - you weren’t anywhere near their acceptance of the bond, but it was clear how every slope of Azriel’s pen had been in thought of Eris. He now rushed through his days, giving as much as detail as before, but now it felt like a necessary evil to get to the subject he truly wished to discuss: Eris. The door to the balcony opened, causing you to go rigid.

“Relax.” Nesta’s hard voice surprised you, expecting it to be Azriel. You turned in your chair, delighted to see the valkyrie.

“What are you doing here?”

“In my house?” She smirked, moving to sit next to you. “We came back from Day a little early. There’s supposed to be a rain shower tomorrow and Cassian didn’t want to fly in it.”

It felt like a lifetime had passed since you saw Nesta last, a little over a week ago. She seemed brighter, a likely side effect of spending any time in Day.

“And how is your mate?”

“Miserable. He got sunburnt.” You laughed at the mental image of a red and crispy Cassian, certain he was making it as much of a problem for everyone else. “Emerie had a good laugh about it.”

It felt good to be in someone else’s presence for the first time in days. You hadn’t realized just how isolating this past week had been, your only companion the shadow that remained tucked in your hair and the journal of your mate’s past.

“How was your week with Azriel?” Nesta’s tone felt accusatory, like she was fishing for something she already knew. If she had any notions about you and Azriel, she didn’t confess them to you.

“Quite lonely, actually. I’ve hardly seen him.”

“A pity.” She leaned back in the seat next to you, stretching out her legs. “Do anything interesting?”

“I’ve mostly been reading.”

Nesta sat back up, her interest focused back on the conversation. “Anything good?”

“It’s mostly history books - I’ve read a good bit about the Autumn Court. It sounds beautiful.” It was the truth - you couldn’t bring yourself to call it a romance, certain Nesta would want to know more about it. She slumpt down once more, her interest lessened as she sat back.

“What do you think of Eris?” The question slipped out, a byproduct of having been alone all week. At least that’s what you tell yourself.

“Vanserra?”

You nodded. “Is there any truth to what they say about him?”

“I’m not sure. He’s smart and slippery. I think Rhysand is slightly afraid of him because of that, but he’d never admit it.”

“Admit what?”

“That if Eris so chose, he could certainly concoct a scheme and outsmart Rhysand.” You bit your lip, certain that with their mating, Eris had outsmarted Rhysand.

“What’s he like?”

“The most difficult fae alive.” She crossed her arms, her eyes narrowed. “He’s a challenge on his best days.”

“Pity the fae mated to him.” Your words come out strong for the first time in this discussion, but some deep part of you knows it’s the biggest lie of the evening. If Azriel’s journals leave you with anything, it’s that Eris Vanserra is a loyal and lethal mate, prepared to burn the world for his mate.

Her brows were merely raised in agreement, silver set on every movement you made. You felt the scrutiny of her gaze, schooling your features to give less of your heartache away.

“Are you certain you’re okay?”

You shrugged half heartedly, trying to find some reason to explain away your melancholic state.

“Endless night skies leave me restless, sometimes. So many possibilities, I’m not sure where I’d end up.”

She stood up, taking in the same view as you, but seeing something completely different.

“Not all possibilities are good ones.” She turned on her heel, heading back inside, leaving you out in the frigid cold, alone and unsure.

Divider by @tsunami-of-tears

A/N: ahhhh!! Part two!! I’m setting some things up so it might feel like filler but I promise the next part will be juicy 👀👀

Permanent taglist: @vanilla-seabass @cyrygher @lees-chaotic-brain @topaz125 @chessebookgirl @fides25 @lady-of-tearshed @ashbatz @fxckmiup @lilah-asteria @justvibbinghere @daughterofthemoons-stuff @mybestfriendmademe @heartless-tate @tsunami-of-tears @idrkwhatthisisimsorry @olive-main @azrielsmate3 @pit-and-the-pen @durgenyx @dee-writes-angst @chairofchaos @thelov3lybookworm @throneofsmut @kennedy-brooke @prythianpages @itsswritten @acotarxreader @milswrites @the-golden-jhope @hannzoaks @secretlyhers @tothestarsandwhateverend @sarawritestories @chxosangxl @quiet-loser @thegreyjoyed @paankhaleyaaar

Azriel taglist: @brieflyclassymortal @thisiskaylin @magicstrengthandcourage @book-obsessed124 @slytherintaco @userxs-blog @emryb

Eris taglist: @magicstrengthandcourage @book-obsessed124

Thank your for reading ❣️

#acotar fanfiction #azriel x reader #eris x azriel x reader #azriel x eris x reader #eris x reader #eris vanserra x reader #azriel fanfic #eris fanfic

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aridadne · 2 years ago

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posting a lot today but allowing myself to take up space and relax and vent soooooooo!

#it is Cathartic honestly.... also a tiny vent #but #Actually Begging my roommate to view me as an actual person with neurodivergence and not someone to project her own loneliness onto #Begging #Because she knows how fucking tired and nonexistent i am but then will send me three voice messages while i am at school all day about how #feels things are distant #even tho she is the person i see and interact with the most outside of students..... like we spend A Lot of time together #Like! Bestie!!!! I am not a human!!!! I cannot sit and watch tv every night!!!! I would like time alone!!!!!!!!!!!#fuck! or like!!! i have friends outside of her too like dont get weird when i spend time with other people!!! make friends!! idek #i am being too bitchy i just am tired and want to be able to feel like i can exist in my home.#diary #have learned i like having people in my life who understand and make space for me and my boundaries and my emotional energy #want to go home and cry but in a way that releases energy #also!!!! missing eylie a lot lately we text everyday but i miss herrrrr and em

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hotpotatopotat · 8 months ago

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Why I don't think Shigaraki or his legacy is over.

I don't normally do canon delves but I am compelled as a Tomura fan to dissect the final battle. This isn't a post on whether it's good or bad, but observations on what's been told.

Shigaraki's crux has always been that he feels like no one can possibly understand what he is trying to accomplish, that his message and suffering is pushed under the rug, and that society is so rotten there's nothing to be done. Deku's goal is to try and understand this.

When Deku breaks through in mha417, Tomura challenges him on this. What would even change if you saw what happened to me? What would you even DO about it? Deku declares to the one person that needs it most: To reach out and give you peace, and "that is why...I am here"

But... When given the chance to go back to a time when he was happy, Tenko chooses not to. "Nah." he says. I think this is often overlooked, but Tomura didn't WANT to leave behind everything he's done.

Tomura says, even if you got rid of my hatred, even if you succeed in "saving me", it doesn't change the fact that I still believe in the future I'm fighting for, to destroy. The villains need a hero, the suffering needs to end, and things need to change.

Hang on to that for a moment. All for One shows up. He mocks him, his dream, his goals, claiming that they weren't real, that they weren't his, that his heart doesn't matter, that none of it does. He's evil.

All for One does kill Tomura here... or at least he would have....

With Deku's final blow, he ignites any remaining embers, Shigaraki, included. They land the final blow to All for One. Without that spark, and without Nana having saved Tomura from fading away, he wouldn't have been able to do this. Tomura would have died before.

Tomura's vestige is still decaying away, and he laments the fact that maybe...he wasn't more than the crying kid Deku said he was. He couldn't do anything. He didn't even destroy Deku's hands. His dreams are over.

Izuku says that he wanted to stop the cycle of grief and suffering. Tomura gives him a soft "hah..." This is such a cathartic moment for them, because I believe that Tomura finally feels understood. He's actually quite relieved.

Strangely, Tomura is soft here. He's not decaying away anymore, he's solid, he's wearing his old shirt. He's NOT the same. He declares how he wants to be remembered, as the one who never stopped fighting to change the world. Izuku says, it's already been...but...

In mha424, Tomura instantly challenges this. With a giant smirk, he tells Deku that he better do his damn best to make sure that things change. It depends on the choices that he continues to make, not the conclusion of one battle.

424 feels like a giant wink wink nudge nudge for the reader. Deku is dissatisfied with not getting that instant gratification of "saving" Tenko, just like after a final battle, he won't get the instant gratification of changing the world. We don't get the gratification either.

But honestly, I really do believe that Deku will carry on Shigaraki's legacy and internalize it just like All Might's.

One final thing... You see his hair change textures. Left to right, It's decaying like in the final form, it's defined and stringy like in his early days, and it's airy and blocked like in his liberation days. This is such guardian angel energy, I swear.

I don't think this is the last we will see of him. And if it is, at least physically the last we see of him, I'm happy Deku will carry on what was truly in Tomura's heart.

#mha #bnha #hotpotatopotat #my hero academia #mha 424 #deku #izuku mydoria #tomura shigaraki #tenko shimura #shigaraki #izuku midoriya #tenko #mha analysis #mha424 #mha423

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oliversrarebooks · 1 year ago

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I saw a post wondering why people write whump and it got me to thinking why I originally was fascinated by any whumpy content as a child.

I think for me, it was an escapist way to validate my emotional pain. Growing up, I felt awful and anxious and terrified all the time, but because I wasn't being beaten or physically neglected or abused in a way that was obviously visible to others, it didn't feel real. It didn't feel like I was "allowed" to have those awful twisted-up feelings. And when I tried to talk about them to anyone, I was always dismissed -- there's nothing to be scared of, there's nothing to cry about, what's wrong with you?

Watching characters go through awful things and imagining myself going through those awful things was cathartic. If I were caught in a snowstorm and dying of hypothermia, or rushed into emergency surgery from a burst appendix, or abducted by aliens, or kidnapped and tortured -- then these awful feelings inside me would make sense. I'd be "allowed" to feel sad and scared.

There's also the intoxicating allure of helplessness. When you're parentified as a child, it feels like everything falls on your shoulders. You're ten years old and responsible for keeping your parents happy and their marriage together on top of perfect grades and perfect behavior. Wouldn't it be nice if you were put in a situation where you didn't have to do anything? Wouldn't it be nice in an awful way to be laid up in a hospital bed with some horrible disease or tied to a chair awaiting rescue or hypnotized into a trance?

Like the only way I could imagine resting my anxious brain was being kidnapped or mind controlled!

And then if the whump includes comfort, that's even better, because not only was it totally valid for you to feel awful, other people are actually trying to make you feel better! They bring you blankets and hot drinks and medicine instead of telling you you're being dramatic and to suck it up.

So for me, that's a lot of why whump can be so comforting.

#whump #whump writing

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justporo · 1 year ago

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You might (probably not) have seen a post from me today saying I was feeling empty and exhausted. I deleted that because I figured nobody would wanna see me cry on main all the time, so yeah... I feel better now though, don't worry.

Still I had very self-indulgent thoughts today, that I will share because three cheers for turning bad energy into positive stuff:

Headcanons for Astarion comforting his partner

Oh gods, you're almost already crying: your lips are already wobbling and your eyes are dangerously wet. What's a vampire gonna do about it?

Astarion is really lost about what to do, but he knows for sure: he really doesn't want you to cry or feel sad

"What's wrong, love? Did I do something wrong?"

He's definitely worrying and overthinking about if he's the reason behind your tears

The rock dropping from his undead heart when you eagerly shake your head though

So he awkwardly drags you into a hug and strokes your back while you just let tears flow

He holds you as long as you need to, just being there and willing that you'll feel better soon

"Do you want to talk about it, my heart? Maybe putting it into words will help you send it away."

Astarion will get better about this the more he learns about his partner and he's eager to be prepared the next time this happens: for example, learning what kind of hot beverage you love, to prepare it (specially with something fancy to make it even better and he calls it "à l'Astarion" with a wink and it makes you giggle with it already)

Astarion will absolutely try and make you feel better by cracking absolutely stupid jokes: "You know, I really didn't think water elves did exist. But you're the living proof aren't you, my sweet sad darling?" (The jokes are terrible... but that's why they cracked you up so much)

He'll also really listen to what you tell him helps and he'll try his best to make you happy again as soon as possible

Sometimes that entails just letting it all go while he simply holds you, humming a lullaby and swaying you in his arms

He nuzzles his face in your hair, the top of your head

Also lots of loving kisses of course

Sometimes he just talks and talks until you peacefully drift into dreams in his arms and he'll smile at you, seeing how your face has become relaxed again and wrap you in a blanket on the sofa or carry you to bed carefully

And after a good cathartic cry: "Feel better now, love? Then let me run you a bath - and join you if you want..."

Then sometime he'll have it figured out and just needs a bit of input to figure out what will help: "No no, my sweet, you will not just sit here and spiral! Do you want to go for a walk?" You shake your head. "Smash some old mugs and curse all the Gods?" More head-shaking. "Want me to grab ink and paper and write down an action plan with you?" Still head shaking. "Alright, darling, you're making this a hard nut to crack. How about I make you some fresh tea, wrap you in some blanket and read you a Drizzt story?" You eagerly nod your head and wrap your arms around the suddenly flustered vampire, also maybe rubbing your snotty nose on his shirt a little. Entirely on accident of course. "Ugh, and you're also getting some tissues, you nasty little gremlin."

#astarion #baldur's gate 3 #astarion ancunin #fanfiction #astarion x tav #baldur's gate iii #bg3 spoilers #baldurs gate #astarion x mc #astarion x oc #astarion x reader #bg3 #headcanons #astarion headcanons #imagine #comforting #poro headcanons

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jadeylovesmarvelxo · 8 months ago

Text

It's a bit long - maybe it a two-parter? But reader is in love with Eddie and tries to show him, sending him love notes in his locker but he thinks (hopes) they are from Chrissy so she decides to just give up, thinking he will never see her like that so she distances herself completely and he doesn't understand why - she even changes direction when they are about to run into each other in the corridor - and when he finally manages to confront her she just tells him "You won't ever love me like I love you so I am just trying to move on" and he's like "well, how do you know that, you've never given me a chance to love you, you just bailed when I didn't realize you were the one sending the notes!"

Request by @somethingvicked 💞

Angst, fluff, pining.

💞

For the last two weeks you had a secret. It was something you hadn't told anyone, not even Robin.

The note in your pocket is carefully sealed in an envelope that you are going to try and sneak in Eddie's locker.

In the last few weeks you have been leaving love notes for your long time crush Eddie Munson. You had poured your heart out in the notes, it was cathartic. A way to express your feelings that were bursting to be let out and it was nice to watch the sweet smile on Eddie's face when he read the notes.

They were all signed anonymously and you disguised your handwriting just enough so that Eddie wouldn't notice it was you. To be honest you were trying to build up the courage to confess to him.

Cautiously you look around and there is a rare occurrence where the hallway is pretty much empty so you quickly rush over to Eddie's locker and slip the note in.

Heart hammering you hurry away from the locker and feel nerves swirl in your stomach. This note was different, a lot more detailed and lovey dovey than the others, you couldn't help it. You were head over heels for Eddie and even though the notes were anonymous, it felt cathartic to say how you felt.

When Eddie finds the latest note at lunch time, the whole of Hellfire is gently teasing him. His cheeks are pink but his eyes are full of excitement, and an anxiousness to know who they are from.

"Who's going to send this doofus love notes though really?" Gareth jokes and ducks to miss the pretzel thrown at his head while laughing his head off.

Then Eddie perks up, smiles dreamily and sighs. "Hey maybe they are from Chrissy?" He looks so hopeful and the words immediately crush any thoughts that you had in which he might feel the same.

Chrissy. He wanted it to be Chrissy, of course he did. She was the sweetest and prettiest girl in Hawkins High, there was no way that Eddie was immune to her charms.

It hurt you though. All this time he talked about not conforming and yet he falls for the beauty queen. Not that you could be too mad at him, it's not like anyone could help who they fell for. You wish you could have that power, to erase these feelings you have for Eddie.

The thoughts still make you feel faintly nauseated and you get up suddenly, "Sorry guys, uh headache'' it's all you can do not to run out of the cafeteria while blinking away tears.

Thank god no one saw you crying. Then you'd really have no way to explain yourself.

That night you're laying in bed and listening to the most angsty music you can find, your thoughts racing about what happened today and stomach churning at what it meant.

You knew deep down that Eddie might not feel the same and at least that was confirmed. It was time to stop indulging in dumb fantasies, it felt like the small bit of hope you had clung onto had faded and now you had given up. Eddie was never going to see you as anything more than a friend.

Maybe it was the push you needed to move on? Or at least distance yourself a tiny bit until these feelings faded.

But how long would that take? The thought of not seeing Eddie every day is awful, you don't know what to do and the worry and despair keeps you up all night.

By the morning you feel numb but full of acceptance at what you need to do.

💌

Distancing yourself from Eddie was hard. He was so ingrained in your usual routines, you were so used to seeing him practically every day that there was this ache in your chest that he wasn't around.

It didn't help that Eddie looked at you like a lost puppy and it shook your resolve every time. You missed the guys at Hellfire too, instead of your usual spot at the table you talked to Robin or Nancy, aware of eyes on you when you didn't sit down beside Eddie.

It was a catch-22, you desperately wanted these feelings to go away so things were back to normal but you missed Eddie like crazy, it felt like a piece of you was missing.

When you saw him in the corridor today, you froze and went in the other direction but you didn't miss the look on his face when you did. It was so hurt and it crushed your heart even more.

You couldn't leave things like this, you would have to say something. Eddie must be so confused and you didn't want to hurt him. But how could you explain how you felt about him, that you're the one who sent the notes?

What if finding out how you felt ruined your friendship? What if what you were doing was ending it, honestly your mind was racing a mile a minute.

Shit you haven't sent any notes in over a week, you didn't want Eddie to get his hopes up wishing it was Chrissy only to be disappointed that it was you.

Obviously you and Eddie really need to talk. Eddie must be thinking the same thing because he shows up at your house around an hour later with a determined look in his eyes.

He's angry and you can't blame him. If the situation was reversed you would feel the same. His furious gaze softens as he takes in your tears.

"Why have you been avoiding me?" His tone is gentler than you'd expect and that makes you feel worse. God you've missed him, you've really missed him.

"I'm sorry" you murmured and made your decision to tell Eddie about the notes, hoping that he wouldn't hate you. "Eddie, I-" he speaks before you can get the words out.

"I know it's you sending the notes" oh...oh shit. You're nervous so that makes you babble and grow even more flustered because you don't know how Eddie would react.

"How?" is the last question you ask and he smiles, all dimples. The smile that you love.

"When you started avoiding me after I said I hoped the notes were from Chrissy, the look on your face...I'm not stupid sweetheart, it became pretty obvious" so much for thinking that you had covered up your feelings, you should have realised eddie would figure it out.

He could be annoyingly perceptive. "I know you don't feel the same Eddie, you're panicking now so you're basically word vomiting, "I've been trying to get over these feelings so that's why I've been distant, I'm sorry"

He frowns, "Sweetheart, I don't want you to avoid me" you bite your lip, emotions rushing to the surface. Frustrated you wipe the tears that are building in your eyes.

"I don't know what else to do Eddie! You won't ever love me like I love you so I am just trying to move on, I'm trying to do that so I don't mess up our friendship" you choke on the words and try to stop the tears that are blurring your eyes. he stares at you looking absolutely stunned.

"You love me?" his voice is so small and you swear there's a hopeful edge to it but you must just be imagining it.

"Yeah, I'm the one who's been sending the notes, but you wanted it to be Chrissy and like I said you don't love me like I love you so I need to move on" Eddie groan exasperated and runs his hand through his hair in frustration. It tugs on his unruly curls and he groans, once his hand is free, he's gesturing widely.

"Well how do you know that? You've never given me the chance to love you, you just bailed when I didn't realise you were the one sending the notes" he snaps and you're seriously frustrated.

"Because you wanted it to be Chrissy! And give you a chance to love me? You either love me or you don't Eddie. I can't just sit around on the off chance that you might feel the same way when you obviously don't"

Tears roll down your cheeks and you wipe them away shakily, you're emotionally spent and you just want to have some time for yourself.

Eddie softens and his hands are on your shoulder, soothing and tender. "You're not listening, I want a chance to love you because I am in love with you"

Oh... "You do, you reply hopeful and he nods, keeping his gaze on you. What about Chrissy?" he shakes his head and his hand moves up to caress your cheek, his gaze is soft and full of adoration.

"Just a dumb crush. I'm over her now. What I feel for you...you're all I think about sweetheart, shit I think almost losing you helped give me a uh, knock on the head" you giggle and he ducks his head looking almost shy.

"Can I kiss you?" you nod eagerly and it doesn't take long for his lips to meet yours. Eddie pulls away after a few seconds and looks completely blissed out. It's exactly how you feel. Wow.

"Shit, I am an idiot, could have been doing that for a while now if I wasn't so oblivious" you stifle a smile and he's grinning too, smiling as he kisses you again.

And again. Showing you how much he loves you.

💞💌

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson angst #eddie munson #eddie munson fluff #friends to lovers #eddie munson x y/n

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