#well that and being a messy bitch in my 20s

[laurelwen]

Pardon me. I feel that no one is devoting adequate attention to this Very Important Topic covered in Sweetbitter 2x04.

This coy little midriff flash? The demure little thumb hooking the shirt down? Are you kidding me??

[uncookedfeeler]

CITRUS I🍋

Yuna x Reader

Tags : 4k, light smut, incest,

Part 2

Parenting is one of life's most transformative experiences. It is a journey filled with joy, growth, challenges and the commitment to raise and guide another human being. From the moment a child is born into the world, parents find themselves on a rollercoaster ride of endless new experiences, emotional highs and lows, and unwavering love.

Parents are caregivers, teachers and coaches, constantly trying to decipher their child's needs and feelings. While the joys of parenting are many, the challenges can be daunting. From sleepless nights with a newborn to the complexities of teenage rebellion, each stage of a child's development brings its own set of hurdles.

After more than fifty years on this planet, half of them with your wife, you're lucky enough to have a 20-year-old girl as your child. From day one she has been the ray of sunshine that lights up your life. She is the person you love most and will remain your most precious treasure until your last breath. But your relationship has changed a lot over the years. Your little princess has gone from being Daddy's little girl to a gorgeous woman who has been driving a wedge between you since she was a teenager. 

This distance has increased since she became a famous idol and now lives between the dormitory and your house, although she only stays when she wants to. 

As usual, you come home from work late in the evening and enter the lock code to get into your house. Unlike before, the lights are still out and the house is deserted. You leave your keys on the hall stand and walk into the living room, closing the SAS door behind you.

You sigh as you walk through the living room to your bedroom, the room a bit messy with some of your dirty clothes from the night before still on the tripod, you sit down on your bed to remove your tie and finally free your neck, your suit disappears and you put on more relaxed clothes. At the same time, your phone rings and you see the name of one of your colleagues on the display:

"Sorry to call so late, hope I'm not disturbing you?" says a soft voice at the other end of the line.

"Not at all, Mrs Bae, I just got home, what can I do for you?" you reply, laughing.

"The CEO wants to see you in his office tomorrow, he came by earlier but you already left, he said he wants to talk about the last contract you secured". 

"Ahahah, the old man already knows it seems, ok ok, noted I'll meet him tomorrow, have a good night Ms.Bae".

"You too, Director"

You put your phone on the bed before returning to the kitchen to prepare your meal and pour yourself a well-deserved beer. With your face still in the fridge, you hear the front door open and a familiar voice echo through the room with a simple "I'm home, I'm tired! "

You immediately know who it is and reply, "Welcome my darling, good to see you home, how was your day, are you hungry?"

Without answering, you see a young woman with red hair jumping onto the sofa. 

"Yuna, please take off your shoes before entering the house, and at least take off your jacket, it's quite warm in the house," you begin to reproach your only child.

"Daddy, please don't start, I've already lost my mind today with the girls, leave me alone!" the young woman cries in obvious annoyance.

The routine is back and you make the effort to take off her shoes while she is lying on her stomach on the sofa, you notice her outfit for the day, a black leather jacket hiding a nice white t-shirt and beige trousers, so you take the opportunity to complicate your princess. 

"That's a nice outfit, darling."

"Thank you," she replies, blushing.

You put the shoes down in the hallway next to yours and see her already absorbed in her phone, so you try to get the conversation going again:

"What happened to make my little Yuna so upset?" you say.

"I'm not 13 anymore, Dad, you can call me by my first name".

"Ah ah, sorry, Yuna".

"Those bitches stole my concept for the shoot, we had to choose a fruit and we had matching colour outfits, during the pre-shoot meeting we agreed and as luck would have it today they used their "maknae shoot last" rule and took my fruit!!! "

"Please don't shout, so what happened after that?" you try to calm her down.

"What do you think, I got to the shoot and all that was left were shitty concepts, seriously, who the fuck thinks it's sexy to have a lemon in the middle of a t-shirt, they're going to laugh so hard at me for the pictures, I'm so ashamed, I left right after the shoot," she says as she stands up and faces you.

You can see the sadness in her eyes and you want to hug her and tell her that everything will be fine, but now that she's looking at you, you realise that she probably forgot to take off the famous shirt and with great regret you put a big smile on your face, almost on the verge of tears.

"No, darling, I'm sure it's a great shirt," you reply with difficulty.

"PAPA!!!, WHY ARE YOU SNIGGERING?" the young idol cries before following your eyes to her T-shirt, her face falling as she finally realises the reason, you're so sorry, but the situation is really too funny.

As you wipe your eyes you see your princess's blood red eyes, tears streaming down her cheeks and she slaps you hard in the face "I FUCKING HATE YOU, JUST FUCKING DIE YOU AND MOM" before running into her room, 

For the second time in your life you feel that pain, the pain you feel when you hurt someone you love, just like your wife did 7 years ago. 

The pain on your cheek is almost non-existent, unlike the pain in your heart. You admit that Yuna has become very withdrawn since your wife's departure, and that your clumsiness with her has hurt her before, but never to this extent.

On the one hand, your authority has been challenged once again, and for the first time she's dared to raise a hand to you. On the other hand, there is a deep sadness that hurts you, but also makes you deeply regret your actions.

You hear your daughter's cries through the door and, with a feeble step, you knock on the door before entering.

"Baby....i'm so sorry" you see her lying on her bed, her head in her pillow, her crying stops when she raises her head and looks at you, her face is turned upside down, her make-up has run down her face. Seeing your child like that tears your heart out, even though you're responsible.

"Just go, just go like Mum, you don't even like me, do you? I'm ashamed of you, go and die," she said in a cold, mean tone.

"Baby... "Hearing these words from your little princess hurts and brings tears to your eyes, so you get down on your knees to continue your apology.

"Forgive me," you tell her as your tears begin to fall, Yuna continues to reject you and her words only drive nails into your feelings, you've surely done the irreparable and you decide to get up and leave her room.

You have ruined your last family relationship with the person who meant the most to you. 

"I'll bring you dinner later, just rest," you say in an emotionless tone as you grab the door handle to leave.

Your steps towards the living room are slow and your body heavy, only to suddenly hear someone running behind you, the door slamming against the wall, and feel your sweet daughter's body against your back as she tries to wrap her arms around you.

"PLEASE, DON'T LEAVE ME SORRY," the red one cries with all her hot tears.

You drop to your knees and take your only child in your arms and hold her close, her head is under your chin as she buries herself in your neck, you stroke her head with one hand while the other pats her back, her arms struggle to wrap around your waist but she clings tightly to you.

"I'm sorry darling, I'm sorry for everything, just let it go now, Daddy's here, I won't leave you, ever"

"Daddy, I'm sorry, I love you"

"I love you too, sweetheart"

You stay like this for many minutes before you plant a loving kiss on her forehead, a sign of your unconditional love for her. She's your treasure and the most important woman in your life.

Yuna's red eyes shine into yours and the young idol plants her lips on yours, the sensation is sweet and pleasant, you are morally in a dilemma, never in a million years would you have imagined kissing your daughter like this, but on the other hand you tell yourself that she's probably had too much rejection for today and is just trying to express her love for me. 

You allow your daughter to express her desires and she wraps her arms around your neck as you hold her kiss, her tongue meets yours in a first dance, the heat in the corridor rises as her body crashes against yours, you feel her small breasts against your chest and her perfume floods your nostrils.

"Yu..na," you try to stop her, tapping her shoulder as she literally tries to eat your lips.

The young idol slowly pulls back, leaving a trickle of drool between your two mouths. You see an incredibly sexy woman, her hair a mess, her breathing heavy and hot, her hands on your chest burning and her eyes devouring you like a hungry tigress.

"The redhead doesn't know what to say when she realises what she's done, her face turning scarlet as she rests her forehead on your shoulder.

"Don't worry, it's not your fault, are you tired?

She nods as you carry her to her room and tuck her into bed, one last kiss before sending your little princess off to dreamland.

"Good night, baby," you say to her as she seems to have gone far away.

.

.

.

The night was harder than expected, and after a light dinner you went to bed with your head still full of the events of the evening, a flurry of emotions running through your body and mind, and faster than you could have imagined, the morning light appeared through your window.

It's almost 7am and you're getting ready for a long day. As soon as you wake up, your body starts to show its age and it takes you a long time to get dressed and get out of your room and into the kitchen. You decide on a quick, simple breakfast of fried egg and rice, and with this morning's appointment, you'll be ready to go in no time, having filled up on vitamins for the day despite your fatigue. As you prepare this, you hear Yuna's bedroom door open and see your daughter come into the kitchen, still wearing her white T-shirt, but her beige trousers have been replaced by blue shorts.

"Morning dad," she says shyly.

"Hi honey, no schedule today?"

"Not this morning," she replies quickly, shaking her head.

Neither of you seem comfortable with the conversation and you do your best to avoid meeting her gaze and vice versa. You discreetly exchange glances and smiles, the redhead in front of you is beautiful and you find yourself ogling her.

You continue to prepare breakfast, making sure you have enough for your daughter. The only exchange you've had since is asking her if she wants a coffee, which she refuses. You see her hovering around the table as if she wants to talk, then she finally gets up and goes behind your back to the fridge.

Then you look back over your shoulder, feel Yuna's embrace around your waist as she buries her face in your back, feel the warmth of her breath again and put your hands on hers.

"Are you all right, darling?"

"I'm sorry dad, my head has been on fire since yesterday, my body has been on fire since I saw you this morning, I just wanted to tell you that I love you very much," she answers as she places kisses on your spine.

You feel the tenderness of her lips on your skin as Yuna gently lifts your work shirt, you say nothing, letting your daughter express her feelings as Yuna's gentle attacks send electric shocks down your back.

"Please look at me," she says as she forces you to turn around, pulling you by your hips until your bottom is resting on the edge of the kitchen counter, face to face with your daughter, who is staring at you for the first time this morning.

Her eyes were trembling and she asked you in a soft, frightened voice: "Tell me you love me, Daddy", while she pressed her body against yours. You felt her soft breasts against your chest and she put her hands on the back of your neck. Your daughter brings her lips to yours, her eyes closed, waiting for you to confirm your feelings.

At this point your morality as a father is the only obstacle standing in the way of this relationship, your daughter may not realise it but it is an immoral relationship waiting to happen, your daughter is still looking for a way to fill the hole in her heart, the love of her members doesn't seem to be working for her and now she is relying on you, her father, to give her what she needs, it is a difficult choice but you are letting yourself be swallowed by the devil, your daughter's happiness is what matters.

You cupped her cheek with one hand before pressing your lips to hers as Yuna melted under the pressure of her emotions, you rediscovered the sensation of love and laid your daughter on the counter while maintaining the kiss.

Your daughter is now sitting on the worktop, the difference in height bringing her face level with yours, she grabs the back of your hair to pull you towards her, her legs wrapped around your hips, your lips still locked as your tongues meet again.

When the seal is finally broken, both your breaths are heavy and noisy, each under the hypnosis of its own pleasure, while your eyes are full of sparkles and plunge into each other's. Your princess's eyes shed small tears, which you hastily wipe away with your finger before giving her a long kiss on the forehead.

Daddy, my heart is going to explode,' she says as she takes your hand to her breast with her t-shirt, the feeling is even better than you had imagined, her small breasts are firm and pleasant to touch, as you gently knead her breasts, the young woman makes little moans that express the pleasure she is receiving.

"Yuna... do you like what Daddy is doing?"

She nods "I want to feel your hand on my skin," she replies as she takes both your hands and places them under her t-shirt, right on her breasts.

"Do you like my lemons daddy? squeeze them hard please" Yuna's sexy face and her words echo in your brain as your hands work on her juicy fruit.

The tension in the room rises and you place your mouth on her little lemon, which you have been kneading for a few minutes, you attack her nipple with your tongue while you suck, hoping to suck something, you alternate your hands, now covered with little red spots, your daughter moans with pleasure and prevents you from withdrawing.

"Daddy, suck on them, play with my little lemons that you love so much, they're yours".

All this excitement had made you hot and a knot had formed in your trousers. Your lips left her two Susson-marked mounds and now attacked her defenceless neck, licking it from bottom to top, following her carotid artery and planting long kisses under her jaw, making her tremble before she gently pushed you away.

"Dad, let me take care of you too, I've been feeling your lump on my leg for a while now".

Your daughter begins to unbuckle your belt, then your trousers, until she can finally see your underpants and cock. Then your daughter puts her hand on the front of your briefs to rub your cock, and you see her other hand go down her shorts, probably to check the state of her briefs.

"I'm soaking wet, keep playing with my tits and come and touch me down there while I take care of you".

Your daughter's hand reaches through your shorts and grabs your cock to stroke it gently, on your side you slide one of your hands up her thigh to her panties and rub her slit directly against her skin, she's wet and you can feel a small bush above her entrance, you wiggle your fingers up and down, taking the opportunity to go back and kiss your princess who moans at your actions.

Yuna's technique isn't the best, but who can blame her, the poor thing is fighting against her own body and the way she arched her back as you delicately knocked on her pussy door, freeing her lips from your kiss, the young idol expressed with volume what she was feeling,

♥Hmm....♥Ah....Papa, continue ♥Hmm, ah....♥

Your daughter's moans are like music to your ears and she quickly lets you know that her orgasm is coming as your fingers begin to penetrate her pussy from the inside, you feel little spasms running down her body and her pussy dripping with wetness, as you pull your fingers out you see the deception in her eyes before devouring her with your mouth, forcing her to let go of your cock in the process. 

Your cock is extremely hard after Yuna's work but your pleasure is not your priority as your tongue slides up and down your daughter's slit, her juices are delicious and you suck them in to capture the taste of her naughty hole in your memory. Her grip on your thin hair is powerful and she blocks your head with her legs as you finally hear the release.

"Daddy, I'm going to come, it's happening, da..." before she can finish her own sentence, stopped by her pleasure, Yuna comes all over your now wet face and falls onto her back on the worktop.

"Are you OK, sweetie?" you ask her, a little worried as she suddenly falls backwards, the pressure of her legs freeing you and you see a close-up of your daughter lying on her back in front of you, her face red and wrung out, her hair falling in the air on the other side of the table, her breasts exposed and marked by your many hickeys and her pretty pink pussy that you've just finished devouring.

You grab both her hands and pull her towards you so that she's at your full height, then you take her in your arms as if you were comforting a small child.

"You're so hard daddy, you can do it if you want to," she says with a little hesitation and tired eyes, then you notice that your cock is at the same height as her pussy.

The choice seems obvious but at the same time you don't want to take it lightly and spoil the moment, the lack of time and place is not what you want to give your princess who is offering herself to you so you shake your head in refusal then plant a long kiss on her lips.

"Not now baby, another time," you reply as you start to pull away from her, only to feel her hand holding you back.

"At least let me make you feel better, I want to make you feel better too," she says as she grabs your cock and starts to jerk it like before.

"Do you like it when I rub your naughty cock? Why does a father turn on his daughter so much?" Yuna tries to be provocative to arouse you, but the tone is off and her lack of experience is glaring, you just smile under your daughter's true words.

Your orgasm builds as Yuna experiments with your cock, trying to give you as much pleasure as possible. You put your hands on her tits again and play with them, which doesn't seem to bother her, far from it.

.

.

"Daddy?"

.

.

"Yes, sweetie?

.

.

"You know ... if you want my lemons to give you their juice, you'll have to give me yours first," she said, pointing to her pussy.

The image crosses your mind, the image of a father and daughter kissing the fruit of their forbidden love, a father giving his love to his daughter and a daughter giving birth to that love, your excitement and shame explode as your cock comes to paint the lower part of your daughter's body, her pussy and thighs marked by your essence.

I'm sorry, I'll clean you up,' you say, looking for something to wipe your cum-filled daughter with.

"It's OK, I'll do it myself,' she says as she scoops up the white liquid and brings it to her mouth.

Any young man would have been revitalised to see such a beautiful woman collecting cum on her body, but your cock is now in a less than glorious state and you pull up your trousers, taking care to get dressed.

"It's almost time darling, I have to go," you tell her as you haven't eaten or slept well, it's going to be a long day.

"Wait," she replies as she approaches you, still naked, "don't forget my goodbye kiss," as she presses her lips hard against yours, then whispers, "we'll continue tonight, I love you.

Your body and mind may be in bad shape, but knowing your princess will be there for you tonight fills your heart with a feeling you've been missing.

Later, in your car on the way to work, you get a notification that someone you're following has just started a live stream, obviously it's Yuna, she's the only one you follow, you pick up the stream on the way, but enough to hear your daughter say

My favourite fruit? mhhhhhhhhhh that's a good question, I'll go with lemon, it's a sweet fruit like me and TMI, but my dad loves lemons'.

______________________________________________________________

[csuitebitches]

2024 Planning

I started planning for 2024 today. I’ve learned a lot this year, made mistakes, had some successes and now it’s time to take all my learnings, good or bad, and go to the next level.

I prefer starting next year’s routine from 2023’s November and December so that by the time January rolls around, I’m settled into the routine. If there’s any revisions necessary, I can do them without starting my new year on the wrong foot.

I maintain my goals on mostly short and medium term basis. This includes daily, weekly and quarterly planning (I don’t do monthly because it doesn’t work for me).

This may seem complicated (actually, it looks more complicated than it is but it’s just what helps me) but let me show you how exactly I do things.

I keep two diaries. One for daily and weekly and one for quarterly. I have a habit tracker on my phone for my daily non-Negotiables (exercise, meditation, reading and language).

The quarterly diary is my big big diary. Every quarter, it lists out all the big plans, what i want to do and who i want to be. It’s all the messy thoughts I have, all my dreams, my weaknesses, my strengths, etc etc. The only “practical” part of the diary is that there is one general plan made at the end of my mad scribbling. It has the general idea, feedback I’ve received from other people and compilation of all the advice I’ve gotten from my mentors.

2. The daily - weekly diary breaks the plan into manageable bits. I write out the week’s plan (who do i need to meet, who do i need to follow up with, any major presentation coming up, any assignment, what am i reading this week) and write a one sentence daily update on it.

I can’t use a habit tracker for this because i’m not tracking meditation or exercise on here. I’m tracking my career goals, my ambitious goals, into smaller goals. A habit tracker wouldnt cut it because I would have to elaborate more on certain things.

For example:

“20-27th Nov: Weekly list

budget presentation on Monday

1 event to attend on Tuesday. Topic: XYZ

Reading: the inheritors

reach out to mentor, schedule a meeting

7 language essays and 7 videos

Monday, 20th Nov.

work presentation: complete.

Feedback received: i need to work on XYZ.

points they raised that didnt cross my mind: XYZ

follow ups required and if yes, with who: XYZ

reading: complete. Interesting point they brought up: XYZ

essay for the day: complete.

Video complete:

Tuesday, 21st Nov

mentor meeting scheduled

event went well. Met: A, B, C who work in XYZ companies. Follow up with them next week for coffee/ drinks.

essay: complete

video: complete”

Having two diaries helps me because i can find my bigger goals without having to go through the daily entry mess. I like having the two separate.

Nov ‘23 + Dec ‘23 + Q1 2024’s goals include:

Social (meeting new people, maintaining networks)

Intellectual (biographies, documentaries, industry reports)

Personal (soft skills, language studies)

Work (presentations, courses, conferences)

A major change I’ve making this year is actively working on every single weakness I have that I know is a potential strength. I’m ignoring weaknesses that I know are 100% weaknesses like coding because there’s just no way I can sit in front of a computer and learn all that, it’s absolutely not my cup of tea and does not make me happy.

I made a list of every single weakness i have and I’m embarrassed about and ashamed of. 2024 is the year of NO shame. I’m not letting my intrusive thoughts win.

Next to each weakness I wrote out a potential solution.

Ex: not picking up the language i’m studying as fast as i want to -> write 1 short essay and a 1-2 minute video of me talking about anything in that language every single day

I’m not allowing any unnecessary negative self doubt or self talk happen. Constructive criticism is one thing, being a bitch to yourself is another. I plan to learn a lot next year.

I’ve created a manageable exposure therapy plan for myself - I aim to meet 3 new people every month and follow up with 5 new connections every month, whether it’s over chat or irl.

I’ve made a list of business biographies I’m going to read. This year I reached my reading target earlier than anticipated which I’m very happy about. Next year I’m focusing on books that are solely about business, technology and psychology.

[proboblynotstriaght]

Okay so screenshots of episode 46 part 2

"You can't just become the ruler of a kingdom because some watery tart throws you a sword- (breaking character) sorry I had to"

"I think that's just public mastubation" "ALLEGEDLY MR.KREMY"

"Well if it is public mastubation you can't do it here this is a private courtyard" "Well, not if you all are watching me" Hand in hands, they are killing me

"That doesn't count we're friends" Frost, what the fuck Frost "They've seen you masturbate many times" NIKKIE, WHAT THE FUCK NIKKIE

"I have two semi-conscious kempestri in my pack" "They've never seen me masturbate that's perfect!" "This is turning into a weird power fix" every time I type masturbate something in my soul dies a little bit and then I start laughing

"Look we're not going to do any of this" "Watch, Watch with your mushroom eyes"

"Oh, I'm the Jabberwock and only a bitch couldn't behead me" I'M SOBBING GRICKO WHY

"Oh he's such a good listener I'm not gonna nag at him as soon as he get's back from the pub"

"I've never had fitness while galumphing"

"If end up missing out on the chance to look like *guy from final fantasy four* who has a big bronze sword on his back but all he ever does is punch people, I'm going to be very upset" "Gideon what the fuck are you talking about"

"EEEE NAT 20!"

"JABBERWOCK DEEZ NUTS!"

Richie is putting his hair up, he senses combat

"TORBEK TOLD YOU IT WOULD GET MESSY" "OH that actually is what galumphing means!" "Oh that's graphic"

Gideon trying to dance while being entirely unable to dance

"Natural 20" "That's outrageous"

"But is it more of less wild than a night at Blue Jaysim- (dissolves into laughter)"

"DO NOT FINISH THAT JOKE"

Richie : *does the okay thing that Gricko does*

Nikkie : RIch I swear to God that if you do that to me

"But Mr.Kremy, what does this have to do with the elderbean of virginian sails" "What the FUCK are you talking about?"

"Ah Torbek now that I have been galumphed apon I have come for your soul" "AHH IT'S THE ELDENBEAST OF VIRGINIAN SAILS"

"Can we not grow and change and become better people?" "I'm sure we could but like, why?" You'd think this banger line was important. It really isn't, the DM is not even paying attention

"Well I kinda miss the sword" "It's alright Gid we got a key now" and to think they were fighting not even 10 minuets ago

Marionette Gideon

"Well, Torbek doesn't want to alarm anybody, but there's a snake in Torbek's boot" Andy is so happy he get's to play cowboy Torbek right now

Derek going through all twelve stages of grief "Keep the snake in you pant's tobek we've talked about this"

"What the fuck am I looking at?!" "Tobek's not really sure, but Torbek is sure that the snake, run's all the way down Torbek's pant leg"

"Gricko, you become a clown, happy and filled with joy" Andy is slow clapping, this had to be the one Nikkie wanted

"Oh is he like full human size?!" "Yeah!"

"Well, Torbek once knew a guy who would call this guy, highly marketable" looks directly at Kremy

This cannot be the episode I get three parts of screenshots in I say making another post that will probably include 30 more screenshots

[cressthebest]

Crimson Rivers thoughts pt. 44

chapter 67:

1. jfc remus (how is he that strong)

2. god, can’t our side have one fucking win? all these people captured. including my remus

3. “"She started the war for me, and she'll end it for me, too."” GOD i love lesbians

4. NO NO NOOOO NO NO NOOOOOO NOOOOO NOOOO MARLENE STOP NOOOOO!!! SHE WANTS TO PROPOSE TO DORCAS AFTER THE WAR!!!! SHES GONNA DIE I CANT HANDLE THIS

5. 😦

6. marlene?? i-

7. i’m still in shock

8. okay i have my bearings. this is why the post is two days after the last one lol. anyways, i’m actually pissed that she didn’t get to die a big dramatic or memorable death. she didn’t do anything. it was just a landmine. and she’s dead. and i get it, i really do. war isn’t always big heroic deaths. it’s also this. where one moment, you’re planning to propose to your partner and laughing with your freind, and half a second later, you’re blown to bits. but genuinely, her death fucked me up. i knew it was coming, but not like this. holy shit, not like this

anyways, the first thing i did after i read that bit was text my freind. and first thing they did was call me. i sent in bold “IM CRYING” and i get back “why” “MARLENE” bro immediate call. not well. not well at all

9. i continued and read the rest of her death. and her last words being dorcas will forever fuck me up

10. PANDORA????? PANDORA????

12. anyways all i did was call back the freind and say “PANDORA” and that bitch laughed at me. (love them to death) told them to go suck a lemon (they’d never heard that phrase before) and then they made me hang up to finish reading

my poor roommate has heard me call this freind twice (it’s ten o’clock at night)

13. “Horace would need more than just two hands, many more, to count the amount of people who would have gladly put their guns down for Pandora alone.” yeah, me for one

14. FLEAMONT NOOOOO

15. james will be devestated beyond belief

16. remus? huh??? he was shot in the head. but. he had a pov. i’m not sure now

17. …dorcas? i was so sure she had a pov

no wait she has a pocket. just checked

18. regulus???

19. um actually albus can fucking keel over. wont save all those other people in the lineup, then hears his brothers name and is willing to sacrifice the war for him. i get it, but alberforth knew this would happen to him

20. huh, damn. and alberforth still gets shot

21. 🚨🚨🚨pandora is safe. holy shit pandora is safe. i repeat pandora is safe 🚨🚨🚨

22. and fleamont and suddenly that all made sense

23. “”You forgot to count your bullets."” do i hate snape? yeah. but that’s fucking iconic

24. “Riddle lost the moment those doors burst open and two of Euphemia's someday son-in-laws moved into the room with Dorcas Meadowes one step ahead of them.” lmao freaking iconic. more historically important than trump getting shot

25. effie stopping to mourn barty gave me chills

26. NO FLEAMONT!!!! i’m getting fucking whiplash from this

27. effie having such a short pov but still so much emotion and character is shown in her love for fleamont

28. yall remus, regulus, and dorcas are fucking insane.

and i’m so here for it

29. “For all those years Sirius was taken away from him, Regulus breaks Riddle's fingers. Ten years, ten fingers.

For what Riddle took from James, Regulus takes his eyes. This is a difficult task. Regulus has never removed someone's eyes before. It's messy, and it takes the combined efforts of Remus and Dorcas to keep Riddle from flopping right out of his chair.”

mom pick me up i’m scared

30. “There are no good people in war, and now Dorcas thinks there are no good people out of it—certainly not her, because she would gladly go back into it just to have Marlene again.”

going feral over this actually. i’m unwell. i’m so freaking feral over this omg

31. reading authors notes and finding out that monty was author’s prim is actually making me go fucking insane

32. 😀 hi i’m unwell

(anyways side note, uhhh chapter was fucking insane but also like if y’all are reading this fic or this post, just know that there is no anger or resentment towards the author. he wrote this for himself and shared it with us. it’s a masterpiece and we RESPECT people. so yeah, this is the story he wanted to tell, so he wrote it for himself. just ya know, so yall remember)

[also don’t sell fics 😊 i will hunt you down]

[christinebloodwrittings]

Something exactly like this.

Here we start a new series, at last I regained my love for writing n' reading 🥰

I have no idea how to write Hobie's accent, so apologies for that in advance. Any input and advise is well welcomed ☺️

Pairing: Hobie Brown x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Mention of blood, injuries, fighting, cursing, anxiety.

Words: 2022

Chapter one: What else you got?

"When will you ever grow up?! Going against our path, is going against the family!" My father yelled, speaking about his religion and how I refused to believe in his insanity while punching the table to accentuate his anger.

"Then maybe I was never really a part of this shit family!" A smack on the face, it came from across my step mother that had entered the conversation, "Never come back, insufferable brat" she spit at me.

I had had it with them, so I flipped them off and left with a duffle bag on my shoulder.

As soon as I arrived to the train station and took seat inside the train, my heart broke, tears streamed down my face, like a wild river I tried to hold back when I looked the disappointment in my father's eyes.

Let's start from the beginning, my name is Y/n L/n, and it's been two weeks since I moved to the big city. A friend got me a job on a coffee shop and a small flat near it, without her I would've slept on the streets probably, so I owe her a lot.

Every day is the same! It's going to drive me crazy. I make the minimum for attending crazy fucked up people! Every day is the same compalints, some about the damm prices, the ice cream flavors, the fact that not always we have cash to break a 20, bitch come on, who buys a two dollar coffee with 20 or 100 bucks?? Seriously, people are crazy, and they take it on me just because I'm on the counter almost all the time.

I'm fucking tired.

Then one night, I was doing inventory when Jess, on the subject that I owe her a lot, she practically begged me to accompany her to a very illegal show downtown, on a sketchy bar no less. "I don't know Jess, those shows aren't really my thing, neither is a lot of people on a confined space" you shrugged, "Come on Y/n, my boyfriend is playing the bass, but I don't wanna go alone, maybe I could even present you to a few people, so you have friends, other than me" I looked at her with a stern look, that was the least of my concerns.

"It's just...you look so lonely and sad all the time, maybe you could have some fun, ya' know, to loosen up the stress from work" before she could keep blabbering reasons to go, I caved. "Fine" she yelled a high pitched "Yay" and hugged me.

It's amazing how easy is to get killed in the city nowadays, my first couple of days working I got shocked with how many corpses I encountered as soon as I opened my apartment door, but then I got used to it? I don't throw up as much as before, so that's a start.

But everything is so messy right now, with V.E.N.O.M tasks forces roaming the streets, people instead of being scared, they've become violent. I have no idea how Jess can be so hyped about a show when there's like an 80% chance we'll get killed in the process.

But hey, YOLO right?

Since it was a punk event, she wanted me to "blend in", as to not dress as a total nerd like I always do according to her. So we stopped at her apartment to get ready.

She lend me a plaid mini skirt, mid thigh stockings, a learher jacket that ended mid torso, a dark red shirt with a weird spider logo, a spiky choker and did a very goth or punk-like work on my face.

I didn't recognized myself, but I didn't quite hated it either.

Black boots with chains completed the look according to her, "Ya' look stunnin', honey" she squealed, coming out of the bathroom ready herself, wearing all things similar to mine, with the addition of a oversized denim jacket filled with band related pins and patches.

"Your boyfriend's, I suppose" she turned back to me, blushed slightly, "He gifted this to me, he's so cool and corny, I love him so much".

I am jealous of her. Her boyfriend has stopped by work a few times, he's tough but nice and very likeable. I could tell he would go to hell and back for her.

I was so fucking jealous of that.

The place wasn't really far from my apartment, which would allow me to slip away in case I needed it, oh boy, not even two seconds inside and I already wanted to run away.

It was a mess of all kinds of black dressed people, like the pride parade but goth, punk and violently weird. Jess seemed to be fine around the mess, she was a natural, totally in her element.

There was this feeling climbing up my spine, weakening my knees and my lungs, anxiety making her debut.

"C'mon let's get to the front before they start playin', otherwise we won't be able to see shit!" She pulled me across the sea of leather and spikes, I sensed a lot of stares and wolf whistles, probably not for me, but it felt so alien to me.

The group made its introduction, the crowd wildly started screaming and jumping, shoving us against the fence that kept us away from the stage. The amps to the limit, and the people jumping and shoving, everything begun to spin, in a haze I believed myself to be drunk but totally sober, "Jess! I wanna leave" I tried to scream but she couldn't hear me. Couldn't move either, trapped in between the fence I could only close my eyes in hopes the pain in my ears and my chest would end soon.

A hand took mine, out of a sudden I was on the other side of the fence. Due to the momentum I clashed against a bunch of pins and chains, "Follow me" He said, not ever letting my hand go, he lead me backstage, where the sound of the still going music and cheering was a bit muffled, barely bearable.

"Better?" I looked up to him, he had a wild black mane, piercings on his brows and his lower lip, stunning factions and he was built amazingly. "Yeah, sorry about the trouble" he chuckled at my embarrassment, "S' nothin', stay here all you need" he winked and rushed back to the stage, the screaming intensified as soon as he did.

A while later, Jess got to the backstage by the arm of her boyfriend, "Oh, honey I'm so sorry, are you feeling okay now?" I shook my head, hugging myself in absolute embarrassment. "'m gonna head back, sorry" she held me as soon as I was about to leave, "First, your knight in denim armor, Hobie I can't thank you enough" she thank him.

So that was his name, Hobie.

"No problem, that was a bad edge" his accent was so thick that's all I got to hear him say. "Hobie we need to scram, they are on their way, get the explosives" said none other than Jess's boyfriend, "Another raid? But babe" she whined, not caring about the sudden violence about to be unleashed apparently.

"Jess we need to leave, now!" I tried to take her away, but she resisted and shoved my hand away from hers, "I'm actually gonna stay for this one, Spider-Man might actually appear this time" She excitedly left with her boyfriend.

How could she just left when there was going to be another raid outside?! "Why today, I knew I shouldn't have come to this stupid thing!" Searching routes, but nothing came to mind, the sound of the tasks forces was loud, and the one from the rebellion was even more so.

Everything went down because of Oscorp taking over, then Spider-Man showed up to shake up the masses into a furious rebellion, it bothered me tat the rebels acted as if the destruction, the purchase of weapons from gangsters, and the eternal bustle, would change the fact that V.E.N.O.M had almost completely taken over the streets. The rebellion regained territory in the last assault, but in that hell several young people died, and not even Spider-Man could do anything about it.

Usually I don't get into that shit, because for fun I rather go dancing at the club, though I admit I threw a Molotov at a task forces's car, once the opportunity presented itself.

When I got out, everything was smoke, explosions, people running, crying and shouting with hate. The alley that led to the passage where I would hopefully make it to my apartment was across the fire. I plucked up my courage and ran, a little difficult because of the platforms on my shoes, the damn mini skirt, and because of the shooting that started when I managed to jump over the puddle of burning gasoline.

I fell and hit all the cement on my legs and arms, I got up quickly because the adrenaline was stronger than the bullet that grazed my knee, so I managed to take refuge in the back of the building.

"Where you think you goin' bitch" A cop grabbed my arm, seeing that I resisted him the baton on his other hand hit the back of my knees and then I had no other choice but to fall, the cut on my knee bleeding even more, but I couldn't feel it yet.

He rises the baton to hit me again, but it got swooped off his hand, in about a second that same cop was literally mummified to the wall, all covered in spider webs.

"You okay?" Red and blue suit, spikes on the head of the mask, denim jacket and boots, yeah a hero alright. "Peachy" He just saved me, but the bitterness from my friend bailing on me, the recent anxiety attack, the raid, the pulsing wound that I made the mistake of acknowledge, and the posible bruise from the baton, got to me pretty fast.

"Go save the others, I'm fine" he didn't moved, instead he stretched his hand towards me, "Let me take you some'ere safe first" normally I would've sent him to hell itself, but taking everything into consideration, I ended up agreeing.

As soon as I took his hand, he pulled me up and into his arms. He secured my waist with his arm, "By the green building is alright" he nodded then fired his web, without warning he took flight, taking an even firmer grasp on my waist.

Meanwhile I hid my face on his neck and yelled a bit.

As soon as we landed I shoved myself off of his grasp, clinging to the fire stairs railing for dear life, "Bit nauseous there love?" He joked, "A warning would've been appreciated" I swallowed the bit of puke that threatened the back of my throat, "But thanks, I'll take it form here".

My knees quivered when trying to make a decent step, the pulsing hurt behind my legs, "Ya' sure?" He asked, getting at a safe distance from my pathetic state, "Yeah, now aren't you needed elsewhere?" He slightly laughed at my embarrassment, "That can wait, they were holding it up, a'right" I could hear his smile under that mask.

"Need help there, love?" He offered, making it sound more like a tease, his hand reaching towards me once more, "I'll be careful" He promised. I caved again, after all, I lived in the eighth floor.

"Now we're good, night spiderman" I tried to close the door but he stopped it with his combat boots, "What" he stayed silent for a second, "Not even a kiss?" He joked? I couldn't tell because of the mask, then he just leaned on the doorframe. I genuinely laughed, like I haven't in a while, "Thanks for the laugh, maybe next time you save me, I'll give you that kiss, how's that?" He tilted his head a bit, like thinking, then just nodded.

I think he was about to say something, but an explosion on the raid site got to his attention, "I think you're needed" When I turned my head around he had already left.

[steddieunderdogfics]

for theme weekend 'friends to lovers' i want to rec

You'll Still Be My Star (or, how fishnet stockings were the end of Eddie Munson) by patientanxiety and steddiestories

Kiss Me Again (It Hurt The First Time) by SameShipDifferentFont

and one of my favourite fics that i think deserves all the love in the world and more - Sneaky Link by morningberries

You'll Still Be My Star (or, how fishnet stockings were the end of Eddie Munson) by patientanxiety and steddiestories

Rating: Teen and Up

2,024 words, 1/1 chapters

Archive Warning: No Warnings

Tags: Famous Steve Harrington, Famous Eddie Munson, Bisexual Steve Harrington, Feelings Realization, Friends to Lovers, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Podfic & Podficced Works, Podfic Length: 10-20 Minutes, Lip Sync Battle, Getting Together, steddie, Eddie Munson Has a Crush on Steve Harrington, POV Eddie Munson, Eddie losing his mind over Steve's fishnet stocking, Steve Harrington wears stockings, Steve Harrington Wears Eyeliner, References to Singin' in the Rain (1952), Umbrellas, being used in a suggestive way, Dancing, Competition, Rockstar Eddie Munson, Actor Steve Harrington, Steve Harrington being a flirt, Steve knows exactly what turns Eddie on, Song: Umbrella (Rihanna), Podfic

Summary:

Famous actor Steve Harrington and Metal Rockstar Eddie Munson, long time friends, go head-to-head in an epic lip sync battle that has Eddie feeling so many things by the end. Or, the day Eddie's heart stopped on public television (and how Steve killed his best friend).

Kiss Me Again (It Hurt The First Time) by SameShipDifferentFont

Rating: Explicit

20,362 words, 2/2 chapters

Archive Warning: No Warnings

Tags: Recreational Drug Use, Virgin Eddie Munson, First Time Blow Jobs. First Time Bottoming, Virgin Steve Harrington, Kinda, First Time Topping, Flirting, Getting Together, Platonic Cuddling, Friends to Lovers, Painful Sex, Avoidant eddie munson, Lack of Communication, Gentle Sex, Kissing, Neck Kissing, Arguing, touch as a love language, Idiots in Love, Making Out, Making Love, Steve Harrington is a Sweetheart, Oblivious Steve Harrington, Shy Eddie Munson, PWP without Porn, plot if you squint

Summary:

“I mean, what was your first time like?” “What?” Eddie froze, turning rigid under Steve’s arm. “What was it like with that first guy?” Eddie shifted nervously, reaching for the bottle to give his hands something to do. He thought about lying, about making up some fictitious naked stranger in a dirty bathroom somewhere. This was about to be humiliating. He gritted his teeth and tried not to panic. “Uh, well, you should know…You were there.” he scoffed quietly, sideeyeing Steve. Or…Eddie doesn’t tell Steve he’s a virgin until it’s too late, until after it hurts, until it’s over and he’s running again. This time, Steve doesn’t let him run.

Sneaky Link by morningberries

Rating: Explicit

words, 20/20 chapters

Archive Warning: Creator chose not to use

Tags: Alternate Universe - No Upside Down (Stranger Things), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - College/University, Sex Work, OnlyFans, Sex Worker Steve Harrington, steve harrington has nipple piercings, Gay Eddie Munson, Bisexual Steve Harrington, Virgin Eddie Munson, Masturbation, Porn Watching, Sexting, Steve Harrington Has a Big Dick, Inexperienced Eddie Munson, Robin Buckley & Steve Harrington Friendship, Robin Buckley & Eddie Munson Friendship, Enemies to Lovers, background ronance, Nudes, Come play, Come as Lube, Wet & Messy, moodboard, Cum Slut Eddie Munson, POV Eddie Munson, Top Eddie Munson, Bottom Steve Harrington, they’re switches bitches, Top Steve Harrington, Bottom Eddie Munson, Slow Burn, Smut, Explicit Sexual Content, Getting Together, First Time, Porn With Plot, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, Anal Play, Mutual Pining, Switching, Miscommunication, Mistaken Identity, Coming Out, Multiple Orgasms, Ass to Mouth, Rimming, Light Angst, Friends to Lovers, Hand Jobs, Frottage, Feminization, Public Hand Jobs, Fluff, POV Multiple, Only for one chapter tho, Religious Conflict, (aka canon typical Jason), Eventual Relationships, Everyone is gay (because I say so), Sex Toys, Moving In Together, Happy Ending, Complete

Summary:

HailToTheKing: tell me what you look like ELMst01: tall, pale af, few tats here and there Steve lifts his eyes from his phone. He must be wondering why Eddie is smiling like a fucking idiot. Eddie pretends not to notice Steve sizing him up from head to foot. Judging bastard. HailToTheKing: sounds hot HailToTheKing: just my type OR The only thing worse than Steve Harrington, is the fact that Eddie got paired with him for his college assignment. At least the sexy guy he subscribes to on OnlyFans is a good distraction to keep Eddie's mind away from Steve, and the annoying crush he hates that he's starting to develop on his project partner.

Thanks for the recs!

These recs are a part of Theme Weekend. The theme this weekend is Friends to Lovers.

Know a fic that deserves extra love? Submit through our asks or the submission box!

[ashleyh713fanfics]

Dazai x Odasaku's Little Sister Ch19 and Ch20

Double Upload:

Chapter 19: "I Want To Be Your Entire World"

Summary: The one thing Dazai craved more than anything was for him to be wanted by someone to be needed until he was the center of their entire world. So when that suddenly goes away, the boy frantically does everything and anything to get it back, even exposing a part of himself that has alway been so impossibly scary. But if it made Odasaku's sister look at him again, then it was worth it.

Chapter 20: "Let's Kiss and Find Out"

Summary: As both Dazai and Odasaku's little sister share in one nightly overindulge, feelings and words become messy, revealing the true intentions of the demon prodigy and the shame that comes with it. And when she trusts the demon with a kiss, Dazai wonders how he can possibly honor Odasaku's wish when he clearly desires to ruin her.

Warnings: pm!sixteen year old dazai, underage drinking, forced kiss talk, consensual kiss, messed up views about touch/sex but not in detail, death, murder, suicide mentions, manipulation on both sides, odasaku death mentions, dazai being a simp and a clingy baby boy, dazai's port mafia black soul is prominent here, dazai is also a little bottom bitch here for real.

(This is chapter nineteen and twenty of my fanfic "Timeless" which is now on A03. I'll link the master list below so you can get the full story. Asagao's ability is to stop time for up to six seconds.)

Master List Here

A03 Here

Work Count: 18k (long one for you)

Chapter 19:

"I Want To Be Your Entire World"

Asagao didn’t talk much on the way back to Oda’s apartment and Dazai could immediately tell the difference between her usual over exaggerated demeanor and this new placid one. And to be completely honest, he didn’t like the latter at all. 

Mostly because he was used to the girl talking his ear off about random things and ideas while he dragged her along the streets of Yokohama, the tone of her voice always so happy to be in the moment with him, wherever it was. 

She was like a golden retriever in that aspect, always annoying and always eager for his attention. And though Dazai hated dogs, he liked always being the center of her world in every single aspect. It fed into his selfish and self centered desire to be wanted, to be needed by another person. 

But right now, her center wavered, the girl not looking around at all in order for her eyes to stay trained to her feet as he dragged her by the wrist and into the apartment. 

Dazai felt the loss immediately, the boy’s fingers growing fidgety like the worst withdrawal of his life. She’d hadn’t looked at or acknowledged him once and it was starting to make him feel anxious and twitchy. 

He didn’t realize how badly he relied on her attention until it had been taken away like this. Now he wanted to do anything and everything to get it back, to make those eager, waiting, pretty little expressions of hers to focus back on him like the simp she was. 

I mean, she said that he was her lifeline, right? He was the reason that she was in Yokohama, looking for her big brother in his stories. So why was she now treating him so insignificantly like any old stranger on the street? 

No, he hated that, he didn’t want to be a stranger, he wanted to remain her entire world. 

Watching her wordlessly close the door behind her, Asa then quietly slipped from her grip before sitting down at her usual spot by the table in order to lay her head on the surface with a suppressed groan. 

The boy then let out a sigh of his own, Dazai knowing immediately where the disconnect stemmed from. It was that stupid slugs fault, he was the one that made her act so out of character and distant. 

And the executive had mixed feelings about Chuuya’s stupid reaction to Asagao. Sure, he expected the ginger to not take well to her manipulative tendencies but it seemed like his darling had put too much faith into a guy with barely two working brain cells. 

Of course Chuuya wouldn't have understood her, he wasn’t smart enough to do so. Asagao was a unique being, an acquired taste that was rejected by most people in the world so of course the slug wouldn’t be able to see just how special she is. 

But it seemed like Asagao expected too much from the idiot, thinking that he could and now she was doomed to live with the inevitable devastation of disappointment that came afterwards.

It was her fault for doing so, for thinking that Chuuya would understand her in the same kind of capacity that Dazai could. 

Yet in a sick sort of messed up way, Dazai was happy that this was the result, because that meant that he wasn’t going to be replaced. She wasn't going to go off with Chuuya instead and leave him alone in the dark. 

That slugs reaction had helped him in the long run, and even though Asa was sad about it, he was glad. If she was happy about their meeting and Chuuya actually gave her a chance then who knows what could’ve happened? 

Dazai didn’t like to think about that, about the possibility of that hat rack taking her away to a place he could never reach. 

No, Chuuya couldn’t be her center, he couldn’t be her lifeline. 

That was his job. 

And Dazai knew he wouldn’t have been able to bear seeing her shift her attention elsewhere, to not be able to see the absolute adoration and attachment he always did whenever she looked at him. 

Moving over to the table silently, Asa didn’t stir at all, causing Dazai’s lips to curve down into a bothered frown. 

He wanted to help her, mostly for himself so that he could gain that familiar acknowledgment once more, but how? How could he snap her out of her Chuuya based depression?

Making someone feel better wasn’t really his specialty, after all. In fact, the demon only knew how to give the opposite effect so this was new territory. Sure, he knew how to manipulate someone to happiness but Asagao wasn’t one to fall for his usual tricks so that wasn’t going to work. It had to be genuine. 

Yet the more he stared at her, the more the sixteen year old kid felt at a loss. What did normal people say or do in this kind of circumstance? He didn’t know. The port mafia didn’t ever educate him on mushy things like this. 

Dazai then flipped through his memory, searching for something that could possibly help him. He may have not known how to go about this but perhaps there was someone else's experience that he could steal from. 

That’s when his eyes flashed towards the small liquor cabinet to his left in order for a sharp painful grief to course through him without permission. 

Ah, that’s right. That’s what Odasaku would’ve done. 

Asagao only groaned from under her arms though, the words of rejection pounding through her head over and over again. She made such an embarrassment of herself, and in front of Chuuya also. Now he’ll never want to be her friend. 

Honestly serves her right for thinking that in the first place. Asa didn’t have friends and she was foolish to think she could. Who would ever want to be close to a freak like her anyways? 

Damn it, she really hated herself right now. 

Yet that’s when she heard the small clink of glass together only for Asa to lift her head up in confusion to find Osamu holding two empty cups between his fingers, the objects outstretched out towards her with silent question. 

Staring at the clear colored glass, her eyes couldn’t help but soften. He knew she needed this, huh? Was it really that obvious? “Thanks Osamu..” 

She then grabbed the glass on the left before placing it on the table as Dazai quickly did the same with his in order to pull out a large bottle of whiskey from the cabinet behind him. “Pick your poison.” 

Asa only lifted her glass up in response though. “Just whatever you’re having is good.” 

Nodding once, Dazai then popped the top of the bottle before pouring the amber colored liquid into both of their glasses and sitting down beside her quietly as she swirled the alcohol around absentmindedly. 

Dazai was the one that spoke first, his voice slightly apprehensive for the personal subject. “Odasaku would always take me out for a drink wherever I had something I wanted to forget.” 

He was explaining his actions, it was obvious. Asa could tell, he wanted her to know why he had offered her the alcohol in the first place. This was probably the only method of coping he knew how to do, not that she minded though. The girl was no stranger to this toxic way of dealing with her problems either. 

Smiling sadly into the glass, Asa thought about the sentence. Her brother's methods were always so dismissive, weren’t they? He didn’t outwardly talk about his problems, just took himself to a place where he could disappear from it.

It wasn’t the best method out there but because it was Oda’s she couldn’t help but indulge in the same to feel close to him. “Well then, let’s not leave him hanging, right?” 

Lifting her glass up towards the liquor cabinet, Dazai’s eyes moved to the sight before his own expression softened with understanding. “Right.” 

Then the boy carefully picked out another glass before turning to the spot where his best friend used to occupy between the two kids. It was an unspoken rule that neither of them sat there, for good reason. They didn’t have the right to. 

Placing the object in the middle of the table, Dazai then carefully lifted the bottle of whiskey before pouring an equal amount of liquor with a quiet mutter. “Here you go, Odasaku.” 

And even though Oda would never occupy in that space again, the slightly full glass of whiskey made it feel like his presence hadn’t fully disappeared from the place. 

Dazai was thankful that she mentioned it, because now the air didn’t feel as foreign and empty as before. 

Nodding once at the gesture, Asa then took a long sip of her drink before sighting out heavily. “Hey Osamu, what do you think I did wrong back there?”

He knew what she was talking about immediately, their plan to fool Chuuya. “I didn’t see anything wrong, love. Chibi is just an idiot. Ignore him. That’s what I do.” 

That seemed easier said than done though, the girl quickly downing the rest of her drink before flopping onto the surface of her table with a loud groan. “Maybe I should’ve acted more normal. He might’ve liked me then.”

Dazai couldn’t help scoff at that though, the words bitter on his tongue. What the hell was she saying? What was the point if she just pretended to be any other bitch? 

Sure, maybe it would’ve made her easier for Chibi to digest but then she’d be striping the most enticing parts about herself. 

The boy didn’t keep her around all this time because she was normal. Yes, she was Odasaku’s sister and regardless of her personality he would have probably still had some kind of relationship with her but Dazai was absolutely positive that it wouldn’t have been as extensive as it was now if she was boring like all the rest.  

Her originality and unique mindset was what kept him entranced and taking that part away from her was like destroying the real Asagao. Who cares if Chuuya and everyone else preferred the water down version of her, that wasn’t real. 

Changing herself to be more easily received was the worst choice she could ever make. Then she’d be like everyone else, boring, predictable and easily disposable. 

Waving the idea away with disgust, Dazai frowned. “Don’t bend yourself over backwards for a stupid slug. Your non-normality is the best part about you, love.” 

And he hated how she couldn’t see it, that she couldn’t recognize the same things that Dazai did. It was obvious from the disconnected look in her face. “Well, I hate to break to you, Samu but I don’t know if you’re the best person to say that. You aren’t normal either.”

Gasping dramatically in response, Dazai then shoved a hand over his non-existent heart before leaning backwards like he had been shot with the worst kind of bullet imaginable. “Ah, my heart! I’m wounded. You’re so cruel, Asa-chan.” 

Asa was used to his antics though, the girl simply shaking her head with dismissal. “I’m just saying that most people don’t think like that. I just forgot how they usually react, I forgot that no one else is as understanding as you. Not even Chuuya..” 

It was a fact she had chosen to admit from her mind until now. Osamu was a wonder but he wasn’t like everyone else. Besides, his viewpoint and upbringing were just as fucked up as hers was so of course they related to each other.

 But everyone else wasn’t the same, and no matter how many times she realized that it still stung all the same. The truth was, she was unfinished project, never good enough to blend in and yet never evil enough to say fuck it and not care about the worlds opinion.

Either way she was an outlier. 

She then paused when Osamu spoke back to her, his uncovered eye trained to his drink before taking a causal sip. “You know what I think, love?” 

Glancing back to him in return, the boy then added plainly. “Anyone that only accepts the watered down version of you is pointless, because that’s not the real you anyways, and lying to yourself just to be something you aren’t isn’t going to make you happy, is it?” 

His words caused a heavy hole to rupture into her chest. He had a point, if she pretended to be someone else in order to get approval than what was the point? That’s not what she really wanted. 

Becoming someone fake was possible, sure, but also impossibly exhausting. Soon enough they’d figure out what a freak she was, just like Chuuya did.  “No, I guess not..” 

Then she watched Osamu simply shrug his shoulders before placing the glass back on the table with a wave of his hand. “Well then, screw them. If they can't see the beauty that I see then let them stay blind..” 

At that, Asagao felt her eyes widen as she almost choked on her drink.

Beauty? He saw beauty in her? No impossible, that’s the last thing she was. He was just flirting with her per usual. That had to be it. No one had ever called her remotely beautiful before. 

Still, if he was authentic it was a nice sentiment, and the way he proclaimed it didn’t feel like a lie. But if that was true then she still wouldn’t have known how to take it. Then again, this was Osamu she was talking about, the best womanizer in the universe. 

Ah, what was she doing? She needed to stop thinking about it so much. They weren’t even in a real relationship. He had no reason to mean that. It had to be just an offhanded compliment, something he said to hundreds of girls. 

Dazai then grumbled to himself before lifting his arms up dramatically in order to flare them around in explanation. “Especially Chuuya, screw Chuuya the most. Throw him off a building or something..” 

Giving her a small wink and an eyebrow wiggle, the boy then propped his head into his hands before giving her a sly flirtatious smile. “Either way, you have someone much better looking around anyways.”

And whether he had meant it as a joke or not, Asagao’s lips couldn’t help but curve into a smile as a light chuckle escaped her lips for his dramatic flare. He was so silly sometimes, she couldn’t get enough. 

Brightening up immediately, Dazai then leaned his entire body closer to her, his waist leaning against the table before pointing in her direction. “Ahh, I hear a laugh! There’s my girl..” 

Then all at once, Asagao’s face instantly turned red, her head sharply turning away from him before shaking it to hide the hue. 

There it was again, that phrase. That was the second time he called her his girl. 

He had to stop doing that, she didn’t know how to take it. 

Placing her hands over her entire face in order to calm herself, Dazai only frowned at the reaction, his body practically throwing itself over the table with an over the top gasp. “Wait, you’re not laughing cause you think I’m ugly, right? Cause I’m clearly not, I mean look at my face, how could you call me anything less than the handsomest man you’ve ever met? Way better than that slug, Chibi. Right, right? Come on, tell me that's not it. Asa-channnn…” 

He then pointed to his face in question, before watching the girl shake her head under her hands, his whine only making her laugh even more in order to feel the heat throughout her entire face. “No no, it's not. You’re right. I don’t know what I was so sad about. I clearly already found the best guy that understands me.”

Turning his head upside down, to try to decipher her expression, Dazai coaxed. “And the most handsomeee…?” 

Asagao then smiled through her laugh, her fingers threatening to slip from her face. “Yes Samu, and the most handsome.”

The boy wasn’t done though, blinking once before questioning again. “More handsome than Chuuya..?” 

Finally letting go of her face, Asa stared at the floor only for her eyes to soften. He was playing this off but he was really worried about it, wasn’t he? He wanted validation, reassurance of his place and she had no problem in giving it to him. 

So against her nerves, the girl then sighed to herself before turning back to the waiting boy, allowing him to see the flustered and reddened cheeks on her face in order to give him physical proof that he was the only one that could give such a response. 

Then she spoke, allowing her feelings of admiration to shine through. “No one could ever replace you in my eyes, Samu. Not even as the most handsome.” 

Watching his eyes practically sparkle with validation, Dazai then gasped once more before reeling back from the table, his hand reapplying to his heart, except this time instead of acting like he was shot, he acted like he had gotten hit by cupid himself. 

The boy then fell onto the floor unusually before rolling around like a wiggly worm, his voice fast and giddy. “Ah! You agreed, you called me handsome! See, I know you have to down bad for me, Asa-chan. So scandalous. You’re even blushing, Aww how cute! What an adorable little darling I have. I can’t take it!” 

His display couldn’t help but cause Asa to smile under her hand covering her lips leaning over the table to get a better look at the boy’s antics. “I think you have it backwards, Samu. Obviously the cute one right now is you.”

Rolling over to her side, the boy then placed his hands on the skirt of her bloodied dress, hosting his body upwards to balance on her folded legs in order to brush a single finger across the reddend spots on her cheeks. “How could that be possible when you’re the one blushing, love?” 

Asa’s eyes widened at his newfound touch, her gaze turning away with newfound embarrassment for her the heat in her cheeks. “A-Ah, sorry. It's just the alcohol..” 

Dazai only hummed though, tapping her skin playfully before putting his thumb and forefinger under his chin in a striking pose. “Sure sure, I don’t believe you though. It’s obvious, you can’t get enough of me.”

He was flirting again, joking surely. He was doing that alot tonight for some reason which wouldn’t have been strange but it seemed like Dazai’s personality had yet to switch from the fake lover they agreed upon in order to trick those traitors. 

No, he was still doting on her and Asagao didn’t know how to take it. Sure, he was suggestive sometimes but it was never like this. But there was no one around to perform for anymore so why was he still acting like this? 

And why was it harder to ignore and dismiss tonight? It had to be the alcohol, making her more aware of him in the most dangerous ways. Just like when he fake kissed her in that elevator back at the port mafia apartments, she was starstruck yet again. 

Feeling her anxiety suddenly spike, Asa then blinked back to reality in order to find Osamu’s fingers around the rim of her glasses. Wait, what was he doing? No, she didn’t want to see right now, not after Chuuya’s recent rejection.

The truth was, she was terrified, scared of the same thing repeating itself. And sure, Samu had seen her before but the furious look in the ginger’s eye still haunted her memory even now, enough for her to recoil back inside her traumatized shell. 

No, she wouldn't be able to bear it if Osu wore even a sliver of that kind of expression. It would break her in a way she knew couldn’t be repaired. He was her safe space and risking that especially now was something he dreaded more than anything. 

So much so, her hand robotically grasped onto his bandaged wrist before pleading pathetically under her breath. “N-No..I can’t right now..” 

Dazai felt the tremor under her skin immediately, his voice coaxing and smooth, just like it always was when he wanted something. “You don’t trust me?” 

Shaking her head, Asa gripped even tighter than before. “It’s not that..it's just..too fresh..words are one thing but seeing again so soon, it will hurt again, I just know it..”  

She was being irrational, she knew she was. Osamu wasn’t Chuuya, but even so she couldn’t help but hesitate. Just an hour ago she was thrown into a full on panic and Asa wasn’t completely sure that wasn’t going to happen again just yet. 

Feeling his fingertips bring her back to his gaze, Samu’s touch trailed away from the metal barriers before gently cupping her cheek with reassurance. “It won’t be the same, cause I’m not that slug.” 

And Dazai hated the retraction that his stupid partner had brought on. Chuuya was careless and cruel, making her apprehensive of her breathtaking eyes once again. He didn’t blame her for the reaction but now it seemed like that ginger had taken away Dazai's privileges as well. 

By rejecting her, Chuuya had always caused Asagao to associate everyone with that same horrible reaction, to put them all in the same inevitable box, even Dazai. 

No, he couldn’t have that, he refused to be grouped in with every other insignificant idiot that called her a monster. He wasn’t that simple minded, and though it was trauma that was clouding her real judgment, he still refused even to let that thought ruminate even for a second more. 

The words had helped but they weren’t enough, he could tell. She still hadn’t returned to him, she was still drifting to a place that he couldn’t reach fast enough. “But..” 

Watching her gaze travel away from him again, the boy felt uneasy. Her center was still wavering, flickering in and out of his perception and he couldn’t take it anymore. He didn’t want to be associated with everyone else, he needed to be special. 

He needed to be her entire world again. 

Dazai was desperate, willing to do anything to stand out from the crowds that Asa had unknowingly pushed him into. No, words weren’t enough, she needed to see firsthand that he was worlds better than Chuuya could ever be. 

Sucking in a heavy breath of anxiety, Dazai then slipped his fingers from her cheek to her chin, pulling her focus back on him before running his thumb over her bottom lip as tenderly as he was able to. “Come on, pretty. Let me prove it to you.” 

And that seemed to spark something within her, the boy’s feeling her lips tense under his touch before finally letting go on his wrist so that he could slip the large glasses from her face without another word. 

Almost instantly, she flinched out of his grip in order to close her eyes and sharply barrel them to the floor instead, metaphorically hiding away from herself  before she inevitably got hurt again.

The response only made Dazai’s frown deepen though, feeling the rejection through every single one of his veins. No, this wasn’t enough. He needed to do something that would make her focus back on him, and he needed to do it quickly before the gnawing insecurity dragged him to insanity. 

But what could he do to prove his distinction? What could he offer to her that would be enough to have his full and undivided attention again? Sure, he could force her to look at him but that wouldn’t do any good. Like he said before, his actions had to be genuine to shake her. 

Tightening the glasses around his anxious fingers, the boy then closed his eyes. She needed to see him, just like she had seen Chuuya. She needed to look at Dazai in the same light, only then would her mind truly distinguish the two. 

It was easier said than done though, knowing that the one thing Asa needed was also the one thing that Dazai had been hiding from his entire life. But if it got her to turn back to him, if it made her shift back to making him her everything then it was worth it. 

Yes, he was terrified of being perceived, but he was even more terrified of losing her completely, and that was enough for him to make a final decision. 

Then before he could change his mind and snap back to common sense, the boy reached down, latching on her wrist once before lifting it upwards to the destination unknown to even Asagao herself. 

Vaguely feeling her hand move against her own violation, Asagao squeezed her eyes, willing the pounding headache away as past images of Chuuya’s rejection flooded her senses, suffocating her all over again. 

It didn’t matter if he wasn’t here anymore, she could still feel it, that skin crawling horror and recoil through every single one of her muscles in a shaky stutter. Chuuya’s hatred, his disgust, his deplorable loathing, it was everywhere, hurting her with invisible claws and sharp horrible talons. 

Why did she agree to do this? She wasn’t ready, she couldn’t breathe, she wanted to disappear forever. She wanted to claw out her own eyes with her shaking fingertips and never have to experience such awful images ever again. 

Yet that’s when she felt her hijacked hand touch something familiar, the skin brushing against the unseen notion of gauze before she physically gasped and her own eyes snapped open without a second thought. 

No, it couldn’t be. 

Skin, she was touching skin. And not just that, the top of her nails had seemingly been enveloped by gauze, laying like a blanket over the surface only for the pads of her fingertips to brush against the outline of an eye. 

The feeling was dumbfounding, causing Asagao’s head to physically break out of her own prison before locking her analytical eyes to the sight before her. 

Her hand was underneath the bandages on Osamu’s face, he had put it there on purpose. But why? He had never allowed anyone to do that before, especially her.

Growing lightheaded, she then felt Samu’s hand fall from her wrist, leaving her stagnant and giving her complete control of the situation as his shoulders tensed underneath her. 

Could it be? Was he giving her permission to remove his safety net, to slip the gauze from his eye and gaze at the one thing he had never allowed up until this point? 

No, impossible. Dazai never had that kind of trust, he always made her wear the blindfold before touching him.

Taking a shaky breath, Asa whispered. “S-Samu? Are you sure?” 

And from the clearly apprehensive quiver of his lips, he wasn’t. This was probably the scariest thing in the world for him to do and yet he was pushing himself for her. But why? Why would he ever go this far? 

She got her answer a second later, his voice just barely audible, like an unsure child pleading for something regardless. “I want you to look at me again.” 

And how could she possibly say no to that kind of face? She couldn’t, not when her eyes made it impossible to miss every single drop of desperation and disheartened anguish that laid there. 

So much so, Asagao forced her shaky fingers to move, sliding the white colored bandages easily aside since they were already fairly loose from his fiddling in order for the boy to tense up even more as the breeze hit his clammy skin. 

The ribboned gauze fell away a second later, causing Asa’s fingers to brush away the falling brown strands in order for her mouth to fall open and the words to dissipate from her lips. 

There he was, fully right in front of her, both of his eyes on display for the first time in his life.

And they were beautiful, a picturesque hazel that swarmed with so many secrets and feelings that it caused Asa to physically gasp. 

So much so, the girl couldn’t help herself, immediately latching both of her hands on either side of his face before pulling him closer to her and deciphering each section like a drug. 

The layers of himself that he kept hidden, the parts that he buried under a chamaeleon of various fake actions and words, they all mixed around in his iris’, threatening to be revealed. 

There was a darkness there, floating around the circular edges. Of course there was. That was always the first thing her cursed gaze ever saw, the bad. But this version was almost more sorrowful than scary, making her want to cry rather than run away. 

She saw the little boy trapped inside, hiding behind a facade bigger than himself but it was still there. Desperate to be understood and yet terrified of the very notion. A child that only looked towards death in every single circumstance. 

There was also fear, apprehension and alarm for what she was doing, for what she was uncovering. But even though his shoulders continued to tense and his jaw shuttered with vulnerability, he didn’t avert his gaze, probably already knowing that it would shatter her with that same rejection if he did so. 

And though this was the easiest part of him to reveal to her, that still didn’t make it easy. Sure, his eyes didn’t hold any scarred or unpleasant memories but it was still a part that he kept hidden from the world, a function that he did without in order to preserve the ugly parts of him. 

Asagao understood that as well, brushing her thumb on his cheeks in tiny reassuring circles as his eyes shifted into something different, a new layer uncovering from the ether of his many faces. 

The fear, the darkness was still there but now there was something else, something that resembled grief, mixed together with a new emotion, flecked in tiny spots but still extremely noticeable for someone like Asa. 

He was looking at her with so much admiration, appreciation, wonder, and fixated entrancement. There was no disgust, no rejection or ugly feelings that she had expected. In fact, his face displayed something more on the lines of worship than anything else. 

But who could he be worshiping, surely not her, right? It was probably because she wore the face of his best friend and that was who he was admiring. Such strong emotions and feelings couldn't be suited to her in that kind of way. 

Yet regardless of the intent, it was nothing like the hot licks of anger that Chuuya had given her. No, Osamu’s eyes held a more solemn air, a desperate and yet calculating aura that contradicted themselves, just like all the parts he forced himself to play. 

And whether he had meant it or not, she quickly found herself consumed entirely, unable to think about anything else except the boy in front of her. Any semblance of Chuuya and those horrible feelings was completely gone, replaced by the thousands of stories behind his forlorn hazel expression.  

Her head began to spin once again, overloaded by the onslaught of information but not pulling away like before. It was almost like she couldn’t, like she wanted to disappear inside the enigma that was threatening to swallow her whole. It should've hurt, but it didn’t. 

For the first time, she didn’t want to look away, she didn’t want the release of her blind barriers in order to decipher every single spec about the withdrawn child that he could allow her to have. She wanted to know everything, to see everything, even the bad. 

He had trusted her with such an integral part of himself, allowed her to look into a section of his own insecurities just to make her see that he wasn’t going to reject her like Chuuya had. 

It was overwhelming, causing tears to prick the corners of her eyes before finally tearing herself away from the sight in order to bury her head into his shoulder with a shaking breath. 

He gave her so much, and she would be forever thankful for it. “T-Thank you.” 

Osamu didn’t say anything, his hand simply reaching forward in order to cradle the back of her head silently. But even still, Asa knew what he meant. He was saying your welcome. 

Grasping her shaky hands onto his bloodied jacket, Asa then gave a pathetic little sniffle before muttering into the fabric. “Are you staying tonight?” 

She then felt his touch disappear from her head in order to pick up the discarded bandages and wrap them back around his eye. “I wish, but Mori will get suspicious if I don’t go back. He’s gonna want a report about tonight.” 

Asa could understand that. He had been spending the night more frequently over the last couple months, which meant that eventually the boss would be looking for him, and that was something neither of them wanted. 

So she didn’t push it, the girl feeling the sticky blood on her fingers from the fabric of his jacket with a hum. “Okay, but at least let me wash your jacket before you go. Since I know you won’t do it later.” 

Sucking in a breath between his teeth, Dazai replied playfully, knowing that she was indeed right. He had a habit of disregarding himself more often than not. “Ouch, Asa-chan. You really got me with that one.” 

His body shifted then, allowing Asagao to pull back from the jacket in order place the glasses beside her back onto her face in order to pause at her own appearance. 

Ah crap, looks like it wasn’t just Osamu that got messy. Her new dress was also caked with dried blood and dirt from their previous fight. How awful of her to be so careless, especially when Samu had given such a precious gift to her. What kind of fake girlfriend was she? 

Forcing herself to stand, Asa frowned at the crimson mess, holding the ends of her skirt in order to try and find each stain and imperfection. “Guess I should probably change also. I’m sorry Samu, you went through all the trouble to get me this beautiful dress and I ruined it. Maybe I could still get some of the stains out though. Let me try...”  

Yet that’s when she felt Dazai’s hand grasp her wrist, his voice firm. “Don’t..” 

Don’t? Don’t what? What could he possibly mean? What was he trying to stop her from doing? She only wanted to salvage what she could of the dress. 

Asa then gasped out a reply, unable to question his strange command as she felt his hand slip to her lower back, pulling her body forward as his un bandaged eye turned towards the tainted teal dress with finality. 

And when he spoke, it was deeper, laced in desire. “I like it better like this.” 

His tone caught her off guard, suddenly feeling rather self conscious for the way he was looking at her. How could this possibly be better? She probably looked like a disaster right now. Even her hair was all messed up. “A-Are you sure? But it’s not how it’s supposed to look..” 

Asa recalled the perfectly placed dress inside of the pink box when she received it. Not a crease was out of place or a wrinkle to be seen. Yet now it was nothing of the sort. 

The moment she put on the fabric it seemed to morph into that same messy and imperfect disappointment she had always described herself to be. That by placing the dress on her body, she had unknowingly tainted the normality with it. 

Suddenly, all the self doubt seemed to dissipate as Osamu’s hand reached forward, gathering around a wild messy strand of hair before twisting it around in fingers. 

Then he lifted the piece to his lips before kissing it softly before speaking with so much honesty that it caused the girl’s heart to tumble with shock. “And that’s what makes it beautiful.”

Feeling her face flush again, Asagao blinked in disbelief. What? What did he just say? He thought this was beautiful, that the imperfect unordinary mess she created was beautiful? No, it couldn’t be. She had ruined it the second it graced her skin, just like she had ruined herself as a child. 

And it wasn’t just that, the way he touched her hair and kissed it so gently, it implied that he wasn’t just talking about the dress. But how could that be? Had she really correlated the two things together like she had so easily? Did he see the similarities between her and this dress? 

He had to, that’s why he was looking at her so clearly. The bloody dress, the abnormality of her very being, both were the furthest thing from the cookie cutter way that they were supposed to be. 

Yet regardless of the expectations, Osamu had just called them both beautiful.  

And in a way, it was almost like he was calling her beautiful as well.  Just like before, expect this time it was harder to deny the meaning of the phrase. 

So much so, Asagao felt her heart pound inside her ears, the heat in her cheeks undeniable as she forced herself to mutter a response. “O-Oh, okay..” 

And when he finally let her breathe, Asa’s eyes immediately turned back to the empty liquor glass on the table before internally cursing for the dangerous feelings it had given her. 

All of this, the way she was feeling, it was because of the alcohol, right? 

It had to be. 

Chapter 20:

"Let's Kiss And Find Out"

The plan was only for Dazai to stay until his jacket was dry, yet somehow while in the process of that simple idea the two kids had emptied a full bottle of whiskey and were now giggling like loons on the floor, fully gone from any semblance of sobriety. 

They didn’t seem to have a problem with it though, Dazai tossing the empty glass bottle behind him with a drunken hum of dissatisfaction, clearly wanting more. I mean, what else were they supposed to do while they waited? It wasn’t like they could let Odasaku’s good booze go to waste, right? 

This wasn’t an unusual occurrence either, the two having indulged in this kind of night many times before. In fact, in the last three or fourth months both Asa and Dazai were no strangers to a drink or two. 

Yes, sometimes the location was different, the kids finding themselves on the familiar barstools of Lupin instead of Oda’s apartment but the result was still the same. Yet, this was the first time the teenagers had finished an entire bottle, and the effects were glaringly obvious. 

They were usually better about this after all. Careful not to overindulge for fear of what it might bring. But between Asagao’s unpleasant meeting with Chuuya and Dazai’s misjudgement in the plan to bring those traitors down, it seemed both of them had things they wanted to drown out tonight. 

Hence, the drunken state they were both in. 

One overindulgence, couldn’t hurt right? What was the harm in that? 

Righting herself upwards, Asa then flopping the hand of cards in between her fingers on the table before a victorious intoxicated grin slipped onto her lips. “Ha! Got you again! Not so tough now are you, Mr. Super Smart Mafia Man! You’re not as cool as you think you are, huhhh?”

She elongated the last part of her sentence, causing Dazai’s voice to sound in a resonating whine of protest. “Whaa?! No fair, Asa-channnn. I definitely won that one! How did you do that?”

The game was poker, something that the kids played regularly. Dazai had shown her how to play a couple months back during one of their nightly trips to Bar Lupin. It was a game that Odasaku enjoyed, and because of that it was something they picked almost all the time.   

Just so they could both feel closer to him. 

Asa only hummed though, pushing her hands through her hair in an attempt to look cool.“A winner never reveals their secrets, love. I’m just too good. 

Sadly though, the move did anything but that, her fingers immediately getting caught in the wild and messy strands before wiggling them out in an uncoordinated tug and a hiss.  

Dazai didn’t seem to care about that though, his eyes narrowing in order to lean closer over the table with an accusatory point of his finger. “Nuh uh. I know what you’re doing. It’s written all over that pretty face of yours.”

Scrambling on his hands and knees in order to crawl over to her, the brown haired dazed boy then sloppy threw his pointer finger straight into the middle of her forehead, his cheeks rosy and flushed. “Righttt there, I can see it. You can’t fool me…even if I keep getting distracted by your stunningly perfect little eyes..it’s still there..” 

Yet as soon as he touched her skin, Asa immediately pulled away, leaning back on her folded legs with a pout. “Nooo you dont. You don’t see nothing, Samu.” 

Her grammar was completely off but both kids hardly focused on it. It’s not like they could anyways considering they were both unable to recognize the slurs in their speech. Neither one could call the other out to correct it. 

And to be honest, Asa was thankful that was the case because it seemed like her mind was far from the malfunction that Osamu had given her while she was tipsy. The self awareness of his flirting didn’t affect her as much now, simply because she couldn’t process more than one thing at a time. 

Thank god for that. It made everything so much easier. So much so, drunk Asa tried to make a mental list inside her head before the thought blew away for another. Sober Asagao and Drunk Asagao were fine, but tipsy Asagao, now that was something she needed to look out for. 

Because when she was tipsy, she walked the line between reality and fantasy, she was still able to perceive Osamu’s flirty attitude but the loss of sobriety caused her to linger into dangerous ideas, ideas that she knew Samu wasn’t mutual on. 

That should’ve grounded her but as soon as the alcohol infused in her system, it fed into delusion, and that was something that she simply couldn’t have. The two were just using each other after all, Osamu’s comments were shallow, she had to remember that. 

And although he was still flirting even now, the ratio of whiskey in her system heavily outweighed the ratio of everything else, leaving her in a state of bliss, brushing his sweet nothings off like fluffy clouds of pleasant emotion. 

They didn’t process, they didn’t register as much as before, and she was thankful for it all the same. 

Wiggling the finger in her face, Dazai waved his bandaged arms in explanation. “Yes I do. I see it. You’re a cheater..a big fat pumpkin eater cheater! Just like Odasaku. You’re swindlin me..” 

Asagao gasped immediately, her hands fumbling to her chest before crossing them in fake hurt to what he was implying. “Whaat?! So mean, Samuuu. I would never. I’m playin fair and square. You just suck.” 

Sticking her tongue out child-ishly for effect, Dazai’s lips opened with disbelief. “Hey, I don’t suck! I used to beat Odasaku lots of times! Here, I’ll prove it. Deal me another round. I’ll show you this time.” 

The grumpy boy then took the cards from her hands before sloppily shuffling them around in order to shove the rectangular deck onto the table next to her with a huff. 

He didn’t suck, he’d show her how smart he was, even while being distracted by her pretty face, which was extremely distracting by the way. 

Complying immediately, Asa reached for the deck, giving the cards a couple more turns before setting up the game with a drunken hum of a challenge, her tone rather sing song in design. “Aww, looks like Mr. Mafia Man is also a sore loserrr.” 

She then slid the two hidden cards over to him before lifting up her own with vague disinterest, more focused on the way Samu’s fingers hovered over the corners in order to turn them towards him. 

Asagao then smiled under her breath before wordlessly activating her ability just as the cards lifted up, the girl crawling over and behind the frozen Dazai, trapped in suspended time in order to peer over his shoulder to see his round of cards. 

Hey listen, she didn’t say she was honest, okay? 

Dazai may have correctly called her a cheater but what he didn’t know didn’t kill him. She was just using what she had to get ahead, just like she always did in life. 

Yet it seemed she grossly miscalculated her steps, the auburn haired girl far too focused on his cards in order to completely miss the empty glass whiskey bottle that Dazai had thrown behind him. 

Scooting closer to read the suit and color with her blurry lenses, Asagao then fully slammed her knee on the bottle, causing her balance to waver before she stumbled back with a surprised squeak of fear in order to reach her hands out to ground herself. 

She then fumbled to the nearest solid object she could find, latching onto the familiar feelings of cotton to regain her footing. 

Yet in doing so, it seemed she had regrettably grabbed onto Osamu’s shoulders, causing his ability to deactivate her own as the world spun back to life.

Oh shit, that wasn’t supposed to happen. 

Feeling the ominous presence and the feeling on his shoulders immediately, Dazai then sharply turned around on instinct in order to find her red handed in the act. 

 Well, she was screwed. So much so being clever.

Yet as much as she was in trouble, Dazai’s tense muscles were the one thing she could focus on. It was clear that she had frightened him with the touch, like a flight or fight response and she wanted to apologize for it. “Opps hehe. Didn’t mean to touch you like that. Sorry.” 

Quickly taking her hands off his shoulders, Dazai then watched her wordlessly, his eyes scanning from the cards in his hand back to her before she laughed nervously. “Uhhh..it’s not what it looks like?”

It was like the worst excuse in the book but it was the only one that came to mind, the words causing the executive to chuckle under his breath in a dark manner. “Asa-chan. Do you know what you just did?” 

He said her name like a threat, like a lethal warning for the dishonest lie that she had blatantly told him. And to most, the shift would’ve been frightening. Not to Asa though. 

In fact, she chose to ignore it. “You have no proof and I’ll never admit to anything.” 

Going to cross her arms in a huff, Asa then paused as Dazai’s hand latched around her wrist, pulling her closer in order for his un bandaged eye to focus in on her like some kind of prey. “Careful, love. You’re talking to the number one torturer in the mafia. Trust me, I can make anyone talk, especially you.” 

She should’ve backed away then, admitted defeat. But unfortunately, drunk Asagao was far more bold, tempting the devil without a care in the world. “Oh yeah? Well then, let’s see it, Mr. Scary Executive.” 

And from the slight gleam in his eye, it was obvious that he hoped for that answer, Dazai’s lips curving upwards in a dark and twisted manner before sealing her fate. “Alright, you asked for it.” 

Pulling her hand forward in an instant, Asagao’s eyes then widened at her uneven balance before Samu shifted his body away in order for her to fall onto the tatami mats beneath them with a groan. 

Then before she could process it, her body was flipped, back smacking against the floor in order for Osamu to appear above her, his fingers moving down to..

Wait. 

All at once, Asagao’s eyes widened in response as she felt Samu’s hands lightly brush against her sides, tickling the poor girl as her lips cried open with a sharp laugh of surprise. “A-Ah, wait Samu..hold on..ha ha ha…wait a second..!” 

Dazai did not wait though, confined to his torture as he watched the girl wiggle around like a worm beneath him, a sadistic smile plastered on his face. “Ah ah ah, love. First you gotta admit that you cheated. Say it and I’ll stop.” 

Doing her best to push her lips together to stop her squeaks of giggles, Asagao lifted her hands up his order to try to unlatch them from her side. 

She couldn’t breathe she was laughing so hard, this truly was torture. “N-Never! You can’t...make me..!!” 

Turning his head in a vicious challenge, the executive gleamed, his hands traveling upwards with his words. “Now don’t say that, Asa-chan. That brings out a bad part of me, makes me wanna do just that.” 

Asa’s body then suddenly constricted against itself as she felt his long slender fingers stop at her armpits, her hands racing to the stop him before Dazai’s free arm caged her down so that she couldn’t reach.

Suddenly, this new spot was worse than before, the air in her lungs unable to function through her high pitched howls of painful joy. “No..not there…I can’t breathe…please..!” 

Dazai hummed in response, loving the pretty little tears that pricked by her eyes. “As much as I love to hear you beg, that’s not what I’m looking for, love. Come on, you can say it. Tell me you cheated.” 

As if to seal the deal, the boy's hand then traveled down again, shifting from her sides to her ribcage in order for her to wiggle and whine even more in his hold. 

And he knew, he knew this was going to be game over. 

Feeling black spots seep into the corner of her vision from the lack of oxygen to her lungs, Asa’s loud giggles tore through her own words, knowing that she’d die by laughter at his rate. “O-Okay okay okay..I admit it….I cheated..I cheated to win…I’m a cheater cheater pumpkin eater cheater..!” 

Almost instantly, the hands disappeared, leaving her gasping for air as Dazai leaned back, a shit eating grin clear across her lips. “Now, that wasn't so hard, was it? Told you I'd make you talk.” 

Blinking away the tears in her eyes, Asa pushed a hand to her chest before falling back onto the ground with absolute exhaustion. When he said he was the best torturer in the mafia he really wasn’t kidding. That was brutal. 

She then pouted her lips before whining back. “You’re evil, Samu.” 

Her insult had little meaning behind it, causing Dazai’s eyes to soften in order to carefully catch a falling tear from her eye. “Always have been, love. Thought you would’ve realized that by now, considering we’ve been together for over a year.” 

The words hung in the air unspoken, and even in his drunken state, Dazai still couldn't understand why someone as good as her had chosen to hang around him so often. Yes, he was the last piece of her brother that she had, but Dazai thought for sure that Asa would’ve run away by now. 

That’s what everyone else did after all, they ran away when they got a glimpse of his fucked up soul. His suicidal dreams, his port mafia instincts they were hard for anyone to swallow and he always thought that even a fragile promise like theirs was subject to change. 

But it hadn’t. In fact, their agreement had only grown stronger and it seemed like Asagao had stepped forward rather than back. Even now with pretty tears in her eyes, the girl wasn’t shaken by his method of torment. 

It was overwhelming and still impossibly hard to believe in every perceivable way. 

Flushing in embarrassment for her tears, Asa hummed. “I have, I just don’t mind.” 

At that, Dazai closed his eyes with a sigh. Of course she would say that. That was such an Asagao thing to reply with. He should’ve guessed that she had already figured out his monstrous traits in order to bluntly ignore them. 

It was her entire ideology after all, to look past the bad in order to search for the good. To acknowledge but never linger on the evil in order to believe in the hopeless delusion of something better, something pure. 

Idiot, she was just as stupid as she was a year ago. Nothing had changed from when she had called him a good man. And though he knew her mindset wasn’t true, it still brought a wave of vulnerability to his stomach whenever he thought about it. 

No one else but her could think of such a crazy thing after all. No one else would give him a chance like she did, like she continued to do. Because of that, even Dazai wanted to believe her foolish delusions for truth. 

Someone had to balance his negative view, and he was glad it was her. 

Snapping out of his liquor-filled thoughts, Dazai then watched Asa’s lips open with a loud yawn, her eyes fluttering closed as he teased softly in her direction. “Aww, is my princess getting sleepy? Did I tire her out just now?” 

And to be honest, yeah he had. In fact, Asagao’s muscles felt like lead after his tickle torture, like all the energy had been sucked out of her at once. “Mmm a little. I’ll just sleep here.” 

Curving into herself like a cat, Dazai then shook his head in disapproval. “That’s no good, Asa-chan, You know princesses shouldn't sleep on the floor like that.”

Asa only groaned though, curling further into a ball before sleepily answering back with a mumble of child-ish protest. “Don't’ wanna...too far...legs are jelly..” 

The way she spoke sounded like a bratty little toddler, the sound causing Dazai’s head to turn with amusement before leaning down towards her in question. “You want me to roll you over there, then? Or drag you by your ankles?” 

He meant it as a joke. Well, half of a joke, really, the boy expecting her to swat his hand away to grumble something else adorable under her breath. 

So he was certainly surprised when she shifted her head to meet him, her hand waving back and forth with a groggy response. “That’s fine..I trust you..” 

Trust? She had to be kidding. No one had ever trusted him before, and for good reason. He was probably the least trustworthy kid on the planet, only giving out fragile promises and bold faced lies most of the time. 

She should’ve known better than giving out her trust to a demon like that, and in his drunken state Dazai wanted her to know that. He wanted her to take it back before he either knowingly or unknowingly took advantage of her. 

So much so, the boy then hummed to himself before standing up completely, reaching down in order to do exactly as he said, grabbing her ankles in order to hoist her lower body upwards like some kind of makeshift human wheelbarrow. “Okayyyy, if you say so! Let’s go, Asa-chan!” 

Then Dazai began to drag the poor girl across the tatami mats, the shorts underneath her skirt lifting up just slightly from the angle he was at. Dazai didn’t pay any mind though, too lost in giving her his own type of punishment for her stupid words of faith. 

Laughing to himself, he then lugged the seemingly dead body around the apartment, purposely taking the longest route possible as Asa had no choice but to be manhandled along with him. 

Now that he thought about it, Dazai had done something similar before to Chuuya as well when he had passed out after a mission. Oh, how his face was so red and entertaining the moment he found out about his unconscious journey that he had taken back to the port mafia. 

And that’s what he wanted from her as well. He wanted her to get angry, to shake him off, to take back her foolish moment of trust. He wanted to show her firsthand the kind of messed up and cruel things he was capable of so that she would never utter that dangerous word to him ever again. 

Finally reaching Odasaku’s bedroom, Dazai then kicked open the door with his foot before finally dropping Asa’s body onto the floor by the foot of the bed. That should do it. “Anddd we’ve arrived at our destination!” 

Turning back to face her, the boy then paused as he watched as her eyes were closed, almost like she had been lulled to sleep by being a human mop. Huh, he thought she’d at least grumble a bit for his decision. “Love?” 

Asa only hummed though, her eyes fluttering open just barely before her body curved back into itself with a mutter. “Mmm thanks..just leave me here..it’s close enough..I’ve slept here before so I’m used to it..” 

At that, Dazai’s brow turned down in confusion. He recalled her also sleeping on the floor in his apartment almost a year ago when she was drunk just like this, but he didn’t know it had become a habit. “Why?” 

Asagao was silent for a moment, almost like she was debating the words to say out loud before her gaze traveled to the empty mattress above her. “Feels like I don’t deserve it sometimes. Like I don’t have the right to sleep where he was..like I’m intruding..ya know?”

In her drunken haze, Asa then sighed, forcing a heavy pit down into her stomach in order not to think about it. Her brother had slept in between those sheets so many times that when she laid them across herself they felt wrong and out of place. 

Someday’s were better than others though. Sometimes she could brush away the feeling, shove it down and pretend it was just like any other bed but sometimes she found it impossible to ignore. Mostly when she had alcohol it seemed to resurface, that uncomfortable sensation of forcing herself into a place where she didn’t deserve to occupy.

She never even got the chance to ask him if living in his place was okay, if sleeping in his bed didn’t bother him. And because of that, in a way, Asa felt like a criminal, stealing something she didn’t even know she was supposed to have or not. 

She’d never be able to ask him about it either, leaving her in a limbo of uncertainty forever.

That’s why on some nights, sleeping on the cold hard floor was better. It grounded her, made her remember her place in all of this. She needed to be humbled, to remember that Oda’s things were not her own, and they would never be. 

Realizing she was getting stuck in her own mind, Asagao then forced herself back before a tight lipped smile worked its way onto her lips. “S’okay Samu..I’m used to it…when I was a kid I’d sleep like this too…didn’t even know what a bed was…” 

In fact, the day she woke up at the hospital after her brother rescued her was the first time she had been given such a luxury. That was another reason she favored the floor also though, it reminded her of a simpler time, of a time when her brother was still next to her and not out of reach. 

Dazai only stood there silent though, his mind running a million miles per minute to work against the alcohol in his system. He knew that Asagao didn’t feel worthy enough to call her own brother by his first name but this went far beyond what he had perceived before. 

Because it wasn’t just about a last name, it was everything to do with him. This house, this bed, she felt like she didn’t deserve any of it. She was punishing herself, harming herself by taking things away, giving herself lessons, just to make sure she didn’t get too comfortable in her brother's old life. 

It was really sad to think about, how she came back to this place everyday feeling inferior, like she was breaking and entering even though she had the key. 

And Dazai could relate to that as well, knowing that every time he stepped into his apartment it felt wrong, like something was missing, like he shouldn’t be there without Odasaku’s permission.

He couldn’t even imagine how she felt, to be trapped in these walls with no sliver of the man that once occupied it. How awful it must have felt, to sleep in a stranger's bed every single night, so impossibly close and yet so far from where Oda used to be. 

Pushing his hands together into a fist, Dazai’s throat felt funny, like he had just gone weeks without water. Because although he could understand where she was coming from by rejecting the bed, he also hated it more than anything. 

Not for himself, but for Odasaku. 

How worried and guilty would he have felt to know such a thing? To see his precious little sister chose the floor rather than a comfortable night's sleep simply because she felt as if she didn’t deserve it. 

That man definitely loved her more than anything, and he would’ve been so heartbroken to realize what he had unknowingly caused. His friend just wanted to save her and yet in doing so he had broken her in a way that could no longer be mended. 

After all, no one but Oda could make her feel better, no one but him could tell her that living in his house and sleeping in his bed was okay. She would never believe it unless it came from him, the poison couldn't be cleared without his voice and now he was dead, taking that antidote with him forever. 

The only thing she had left was a sad suicidal boy like Dazai to pick up the pieces, and that was something the boy knew he was absolutely terrible with. He wasn’t Odasaku, he couldn’t be as kind or understanding. 

He debated leaving her there, giving up completely as her eyes fluttered back closed. What could he possibly do, after all? He was just a kid, a stupid, fucked up kid. He didn’t know how to ease her pain. Hell, he didn’t know how to ease his own pain. 

But something about her figure below him made him pause, his gaze softening as she curved her knees to her chest in a pathetic position by the foot of Oda’s bed. She didn’t seem bothered by her choice but Dazai was. 

Odasaku’s hands couldn’t reach her now, the only ones that could were Dazai’s scarred, imperfect and bandaged ones. But even so, he reached them forwards regardless. 

Leaning down to meet her, Samu’s fingers then brushed a strand of messy hair from her eyes before sucking in a strained breath. He needed to make Odasaku proud, he needed to try, even if it ended in failure. 

Then with shaky uncertain hands, the boy carefully gathered up Asa in his arms, her body turning to lean into his chest as Samu’s shoulder’s immediately tensed from the close contact. 

He couldn’t even hold her hand for fear of intimacy, so this was way out of his comfort zone. Asa seemed to realize it as well, her eyes flopping open with confusion. “Samu..you don’t have to..” 

Dazai could hardly hear her though, his ears ringing through his entire body far too loud as he carefully cradled her closer, praying that she couldn’t hear his pounding heart. “Like I said before, princesses don’t sleep on the floor.” 

This was completely different from the way he had handled her before. When he grabbed her ankles and dragged her around the house, when he slung her over his shoulders like a sack of potatoes last year in his apartment, this was far scarier than any of that put together. 

Because right now, he had never held someone or something so light before, so gentle and apprehensively. Like it was the most precious thing in the world, like it was the rarest treasure of all. No, Osamu was terrified to put any more pressure than this, scared of breaking her completely with his poisonous veins. 

Lifting back up to his feet, Dazai then shifted his body over to the bed before throwing open the top blanket in order to carefully place Asagao onto the mattress, her body practically melting into the surface like a warm hug. 

The boy then reached for the black colored sheet before pulling it over her bloodied dress and quickly turning around in order for his entire body to heat up with clear anxiety. 

He couldn’t handle much more of this, he needed to leave before she realized just how frazzled he really was. 

Yet as soon as he stepped away, Samu felt a hand latch onto his wrist, her voice pleading and soft. “Samu..wait..stay with me..at least until I fall asleep..maybe it won’t feel as weird if you’re here..” 

It still sounded like she was half asleep, the slur of her speech evident through the pauses in her sentence. But the only thing he could focus on was the meaning. 

He had never stayed in the same bed as her before. Yes, he slept over more often than not but Dazai would always take a sofa and sometimes the floor if he was too lazy for the former. 

It didn’t feel right, so instead, the boy teased her about it, his flushed intoxicated rosy cheeks leaning forward with a hum. “Asa-chan’s so clingy tonight. Told you that you couldn’t get enough of me, hmm?” 

Going to pull back once more, Dazai then tried to right himself only for Asagao’s fingers to shift from his bandaged wrist to the white cuff of his long sleeve shirt, pulling on the end with a whisper. “Please.” 

And try as he may, drunk Dazai’s resolve was not as strong as sober Dazai’s, the boy freezing with disbelief as her long fluffy eyelashes battered towards him in pure desperation for his presence. 

That look, it was so dangerous, it was everything he had ever wanted from her. She needed him, desired him next to her like it was the only thing that mattered to her. She was dependent, viewing him like he was the entire universe, like she’d crumble without him. 

How could he possibly resist such a look? How could he walk away from the utter plead in her voice? He couldn’t. He was far too selfish to ever walk away from something so tempting. 

It was wrong, it was so very wrong to feed into it and yet Osamu couldn’t help himself, his body instinctively moving to the empty spot on the end before robotically sliding next to her, his head resting on the wall behind him. 

His body was stiff, reminding him that the choice he had made was the wrong one and yet his muscles refused to move even so. Why anyone would want to fall asleep with a demon next to them was beyond him, but this was Asagao he was talking about. 

This was such new territory for him also, lying next to someone, in their bed. Usually once Dazai got finished with a woman he just left. There was no aftercare or cuddling, or close contact. He never lingered, and he certainly never relaxed. 

That would’ve been foolish to do anyways, trusting a total stranger so easily. No, they were probably all just waiting to backstab and kill him the minute he closed his eyes. That’s what the mafioso would’ve done to everyone else after all. It was only natural they would think the same.

So instinctually, he couldn’t relax, the boy’s muscles locked and on edge more so than ever. It’s what he had been trained to do, what had been conditioned into his mind. 

Yet that’s when he felt Asagao’s grip on his sleeve loosen, the tips of her fingers traveling back to his wrist silently as he watched with anxious breath. 

Careful not to touch the skin, the girl then turned the gauze around so that his wrist was facing upwards in order to trace a line down the middle with her pointer finger as Dazai watched the line.

She did that before at the cafe also, he always wondered what it meant. So this time, he asked her. “What are you doing?” 

Humming in response, Asa spoke carefully, her eyes still trained to the moments of her finger. “Tracing the veins, finding the life in them....”

Dazai couldn’t help but pause at that. “Why?” 

It seemed like a foolish thing to do. What was so good about life, especially his life to want to catalog the blood in his veins? Surely nothing.

Yet Asa only smiled, the feathery feeling of her touch on his bandages causing the scarred and unseen skin underneath to prickle with goosebumps. “Because I want to remember it, I want to remember this. Everyday I get to trace them, it means that you’re alive, and I don’t want to take that for granted.”

The rest of her words hung in the air, unsaid and yet completely understandable. She didn’t want to take Osamu’s life for granted like she took brother’s. She didn’t want to regret a single second before he inevitably disappeared from this world by his own volition. 

And Dazai could understand that well, knowing that he as well took Odasaku’s moments of life for granted. Every conversation, every word, he wished for him back, to have cataloged them to photographic memory just like she was doing right now. 

Still though, he didn’t deserve to have this kind of special treatment, Nothing about him was worth remembering, not like Odasaku was. Would Asa truly recall back to this feeling when he was gone? He couldn’t understand why. 

Asagao seemed to read his mind though, her hand falling away from his wrist before she flipped her own up to him in order to lightly grasp the covered gauze and place his hand on her bare skin. “Here, try it.” 

And he wanted to, he wanted to follow suit, the boy’s finger nervously traveling down her untouched skin in order to follow the purplish blue veins that resisted there. 

She was right, he could feel it, the blood that lied underneath the surface, the living spark as he followed it to the end. 

The truth was unmistakable. She was here. Asagao was here, she was alive. She wasn’t a fabrication of his mind or a fleeting memory of grief, she was right here beside him, supporting him, believing in him even when he couldn’t do that same for himself. 

Once he reached the end of her wrist, Asa spoke. “Reassuring, right?” 

And it was. He didn’t know how it was but it just..was. The skin to skin contact, it grounded him like a steak in the ground, anchoring him to reality without a second thought.  

He was glad she was alive, that he could feel the veins functioning behind her skin. Was that how Asa felt about him also, was that why she did it so often? No, it couldn’t be. The knowledge of his life wasn’t as important as hers. 

Then all at once, he felt his rigid shoulders start to cave in on themselves, allowing his mind to get lost in the motion of his fingers on her wrist over and over again. The motion, it lulled him into comfort before he could even realize it. 

Muttering back quietly, Osamu's hand then fell still. “Yeah..” 

He became silent then as Asagao fell into the new air easily. She was still really sleepy but the last thing she wanted was for Osu to be uncomfortable next to her. At least now he seemed a little more at ease. That was good. 

Sinking further into the sheets to nuzzle under the covers, Dazai finally pulled away a second later before resting his head back onto the wall behind him wordlessly. 

He was quite a distance away from her, the girl laying fully down while he sat up against the pillows but Asa didn't mind one bit. He was still closer than he had ever been before, and from this gap she could still hear the gentle intake of breath, of life even so. 

Having him stay with her was an impulse decision but Asa was glad she asked because right now that uncomfortable undeserving feeling of being in Oda’s bed was nowhere to be seen. 

Perhaps it was because Dazai was always more deserving of such a place anyways. He did know him better, after all. If anyone deserved this spot, deserved to feel comfortable in her brother’s old things then it was him. 

Shifting her head to the side, a piece of her auburn hair got in the way, Asa immediately pushing the strand away before her mind couldn’t help but recall the gentle way Samu kissed a similar piece just hours ago, how his lips had traveled to the area without a second thought. 

And that brought her back to the events of tonight, of the kiss that the traitor had forced upon her unexpectedly. It wasn’t like she was bothered by it, per say, but the differences between the two interactions did leave her with many lingering questions. 

Questions that although tipsy Asagao would’ve been horrified to ask, drunk Asagao had no problem doing so. If anyone would know the answer, it would be Samu anyways. “Hey Samu, you said you’re experienced with women, right? Like with..touching and stuff..?” 

She then watched Osamu’s eyes flicker with surprise before a cocky smirk slid onto his face, turning to her completely. “That I am, love. I’m the best there is. Why, you want some pointers?” 

Asa completely ignored his comment though, her mind to focus on her own thoughts and too busy to process his meaningless flirting. “So that means you’ve..you know..kissed someone before too?” 

Laughing under his breath at her innocent phrasing, Dazai pushed his finger to brush it across his bottom lip in a tease. “Obviously, love. I’ve had millions of kisses before. Makes all the ladies so crazy. Why you askin?” 

The last part of his sentence came out slurred as Asagao then mimicked his motions, feeling her lips brush over the pads of her fingers with a mutter. “I guess..I just wanted to know what it’s supposed to be like.” 

And that didn’t help with his tease, the boy gasping loudly in drunken surprise before reaching forward in order to squish her cheeks together like a fish out of water. “Awwww you’re so cute, Asa-chan wants to know how to smoochy smooch!” 

He was making fun of her, it was obvious and although intoxicated, Asa could sense it as well, her hand pulling him away with a frown. “Well, I only ask because when that traitor guy kissed me I didn’t really see the big deal. Honestly it wasn’t a pleasant experience and kind of overrated to what I’ve read about. So I was just wondering if it’s all like that or not.” 

It was something that she had stewed about silently over and over again. The books that she had read and the movies she’d seen framed kissing as this magical experience but her time with that port mafia traitor was anything but that. 

And being as inexperienced and naive as she was, Asa wasn’t sure that was always the case, that the media had somehow over exaggerated such a thing this entire time.

At first she thought that the gross and rather unimpressive kiss she had tonight was normal but the second Samu touched his lips to the ends of her hair something felt completely different. 

Perhaps it was because she was tipsy back then, but Asa wasn’t completely sure that was the case either. Osu hadn’t touched her lips like that traitor guy and but the sensation of his proximity was far more racing and mind numbing than if he had.

Was it a fluke? Was it only the alcohol that made his kiss more nerve wrecking and strange, or was it something more? She was hoping he could shed some light on the subject since she didn’t know. 

Because Samu was experienced with women, he kissed them and slept with them no problem. If anyone knew how she was supposed to feel then it would be him. She didn’t think she could fall asleep without finally getting an answer anyways. 

Dazai only narrowed his eyes though, taking in her broken logic before pushing his lips together in a quiet hum of interest. “Hmm. Well, how about this? I have a great idea..” 

Yet that’s when the boy shifted his body towards her, his left arm reaching down across in order to place it on the mattress and cage her in so that he was leaning over her sensually. 

Reaching his hand down, she then felt his slender thumb brush her bottom lip in a haze. “Why don’t we kiss and you can find out?” 

And Dazai meant it was a joke, he put her in this position purposely so that she would flush and push him away with embarrassment. That was what was supposed to happen. 

She was asking such dangerous things after all, playing with the topic while he sat beside her, knowing fully well that he could’ve taken advantage of her if he so choosed. 

Yet that’s when the girl simply looked up at him before speaking plain. “Okay. Let’s do it.” 

Blinking in disbelief for her casual response, Dazai stood frozen, his finger stilling against her lips before immediately pulling back like she was on fire in order to scramble away from the conversation as fast as possible. 

Dazai may have been drunk, but he wasn’t that drunk. In fact, her consent only made him wake up, crashing straight into sobriety without permission. Just what the hell kind of response was that?!

No, he needed to leave. He couldn’t talk about this, especially with her. 

Pushing his feet to stand on shaky legs, Dazai then left the room immediately, the action causing Asa’s body to sit up with pure confusion. What did she just say? Why was he going so suddenly? Oh no, she didn’t offend him, did she?

Asa then scrambled out of bed as well, sleep now far from her mind as she drunkenly stumbled out of the room to see him standing in the bathroom, his head dipped towards the sink. 

Oh no, he looked really upset. “Samu, did you hear me? I said it’s okay. I don’t mind.” 

Dazai only clenched the sides of the sink even tighter though, feeling Asa’s watchful gaze before he sucked in a heavy breath in order to right himself and flick the middle of her forehead with a tight grin. “That was a joke, love.” 

Reaching forward to rub the spot on her forehead, Samu then slipped past her, causing her head to turn in confusion. 

It was a joke? But he brought up a good point, a way to prove her theory. “Really? But I think it could be a good idea. That way I’d know or not if it’s the same.” 

And to be honest, the idea of kissing Samu wasn’t the worst one in the universe. She already knew where they stood relationship wise so it would be purely platonic and unmessy. Besides, if she was going to test this theory then she would’ve preferred it to be Osu. 

Dazai didn’t seem to feel the same though, his steps freezing immediately before a dark laugh seeped from his lips. “First of all, it’s a horrible idea, and I can already tell you that it’s the same. Kissing is only about control, about making the other person weaker so you can take advantage of them. It’s a frivolous activity, a means to an end. That’s it.” 

The boy believed that as well, knowing that his experiences with intimacy and sex were always about one thing and one thing only, control. It’s what the mafia had taught him, it’s what had been ingrained into his mind until it was second nature. 

He never cared for the action, but it’s not like that mattered. His relations were always shallow at best, never for his frivolous pleasure but rather for a purpose.

Sex and the act of touch were the perfect interrogation tools after all. 

They brought women to their knees, they brought pleads and begs to seep from their lips. The actions caused even the strongest willed people to fall victim to him, their own bodies betraying their promises of secrecy to get exactly what the demon prodigy wanted. 

Now, that’s not saying that he didn’t make them feel good about it. No, he had plenty of whores and bitches crying tears of joy over his performances, but he never cared about the process, only the result. 

No, he broke them in the sweetest way possible, in a way that brought them back on their hands and knees begging for more. But once they had served their use he threw them out, much of their heartbreaking dissatisfaction. 

It didn’t matter how many times he kissed them, fucked then, touched them, he always made sure he was the one in control. Dazai alone was always in charge, never once did he allow himself to slip. He always seduced, but never fell victim to the disease. 

Not once. 

So the fact that Asa was asking him to do the same, to break her sweetly with his touch just like he had done a million times before, it was both extremely alluring and absolutely terrifying to think about. 

The girl only nodded her head at his explanation though, taking everything at face value. She had nothing else to go on after all, and his words did fit the way she felt about that traitor's kiss. So he must have been right.

Putting a hand to her chin in thought, Asa replied. “Hmm interesting. That’s different from other things I’ve heard. Then again, it makes sense given my experience. I still want to test it out though, just to be sure.” 

At her words, Dazai put his hand out towards the wall next to him for support before trying his best to brush off her comment. “Damn Asa-chan. Do you really wanna kiss me that badly? I didn’t know you felt that way, not that I can blame you.” 

Asa fired back immediately though, breaking his resolve in a single instance. “Well I mean, yeah. If I was going to pick anyone to try it with, it would be you.” 

She didn’t think he would be so resistant to the idea, given his past experiences with women. If anything, Samu loved to brag about the things he did with them, always asking her if she was jealous. 

And she wasn’t of course, she couldn’t be. They were just faking dating after all. It wasn't up to her who he slept with or dated so his words and jabs didn’t ever bother her. 

But for a self proclaimed playboy, Osamu’s entire body language didn’t seem eager right now. He didn’t look like a trained lover, pouncing on any piece of ass he could get his hands on. 

No, he looked kind of…scared.

And that was the last thing she wanted, Asa immediately backtracking with a slurred stumble. “A-Ah, Unless you don’t wanna...I totally get that…I just thought that you’d be up for it since you kiss lots of other girls...and it’s not like I’m different from them so I just thought...”

She wasn’t different either, Asa knew that. They were friends but nowhere near lovers. He didn’t have any obligation to treat her special. Their deal only mentioned his stories and her letters about her brother. She already said they didn’t have to do the mushy stuff. 

Him being her boyfriend and her being his girlfriend were just meaningless titles anyways. They didn’t hold any power, nor did they mean anything of weight. 

Just then, that traitor's words flashed inside her head, making her face fall. 

“What an ugly beast you turned out to be. No wonder why Dazai chose you, only a demon could love a face like that.”  

Ah, right. That’s probably what it was. He probably didn’t wanna kiss her because of her unnatural face. That’s what that guy said. Not like she could blame him though. Of course Samu wouldn’t kiss a ugly beast like her. 

Yet that’s when Dazai sharply turned towards her, his face full of conflict as he processed her words. And he wished things were that simple, that he could just say he wasn’t in the mood or whatever and leave it at that. 

But you see, the problem was that was the biggest lie in the entire universe. 

Because as fucked up as it was, he did want to kiss her. He wanted to give her exactly what she asked for and break her so incredibly slow that she would thank him for it later. 

And he hated himself for it, for the idea snapping inside his head without permission. He wanted to take her kiss, ravage her lips and claim them for his own, he wanted her to be another notch in his belt of women that fell over him. He wanted it all. 

It was a challenge, a sick and pleasing challenge that normally Dazai wouldn’t pass up. To figure her out, to make her cry out by his touch and fall victim to his charms. The sacrificial lamb was right in front of him, practically asking to be eaten and the demon wanted it more than anything. 

That’s why he was so pissed when he found out that the traitor took her first kiss before him, claiming her before him. He didn’t understand it at the moment, his hand reaching for that gun without a second thought but right now it all made sense. 

His selfish heart wanted her all to himself. 

Feeling his voice strain, Dazai shook his head, willing such thoughts from his mind. “That’s not the problem, princess.” 

Asa couldn’t help but pause at that, taking a step closer in confusion. Did he just say that he wanted to kiss her? But then what was holding him back? She had already given him permission, hadn’t she? “I don’t understand.” 

Dazai only took one back though, not trusting his own actions as his un bandaged eye found the half full glass of whiskey still on the table a couple feet away. 

Odasaku’s glass, the one they never cleaned up. 

It was almost like the man himself was watching the scene, judging Dazai’s words. 

That singular object, it mocked him in every single way, bringing a new realization to life without permission. 

Wait, when was the last time he had referred to Asa as Odasaku’s little sister, when was the last time he connected those two things together? 

Besides tonight, it had been months. 

No, it couldn’t be. When Dazai first met the girl that’s all he could think about, not seeing her as a person but rather an extension of Odaskau himself. She wore his face and that was enough, not bothering to give her an identity other than that. 

He admired only the traits that Odasaku shared, the things that made them related. No, a year ago Asa wasn’t a person to him, she was just a vessel to get what he so desperately craved, more time with his old best friend. 

But somewhere along the way, things shifted, they changed in the worst way possible. Because now the things that he noticed and admired were different and so far removed from Odasaku himself.

Her eyes, the unique turquoise that her brother didn’t share, her ability to see through him and not ignore his suffering, they had nothing to do with his old friend. They were more than just symptoms of the blood in her veins. They were things that only Asagao could possess. 

And in doing so, Dazai had unknowingly started to blur the reality and detached the title of Odasaku’s sister from her very being.

She wasn’t just Odasaku’s unnamed sister anymore. Now she was Asagao. 

It was the worst thing he could have possibly done, because now he was looking at her like her own person, like she wasn’t the only person in the world he couldn’t have. 

He had forgotten his place, drifted too far into dangerous territory. She wasn’t just some girl, she was the one thing that Odasaku treasured more than anything else. She was untouchable, especially to the demon like himself. 

How foolish to have overlooked such a thing. 

And that in itself made the boy crumble, a hand reaching up to run his finger through his hair with a bitter laugh. “When Odasaku mentioned me in those letters I’m pretty sure he didn’t do it so that I could kiss his little sister.” 

At the sound of her brother’s name, Asa’s eyes widened. Oh, so that's what this was about. He was holding back because of her big brother. Now it all made sense. 

Reaching a hand out, the girl softened. “Samu..” 

Osamu only recoiled back though, still keeping his distance for safety. “Trust me, love. If he already didn’t want me near you, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't have wanted this either.” 

The boy knew it so clearly, how horrified his best friend would’ve been to hear the thoughts in his head, to know that the demon prodigy, the mafia’s best torturer had desired his little sister in such an awful manner. 

Odaskau would have never forgiven him for such a thing. 

And although it was probably futile, Dazai was trying, he was trying so hard to be a good man, to be the man that Asagao and Odasaku said he could be. Yes, he wanted those things but he was holding back, forcing himself to walk away from them so they didn’t destroy her. 

But it seemed like Asa didn’t feel the same way, her lips turning to a bothered frown. “But you said that kissing didn’t mean anything, that it was not really that big of a deal, right? Then it’s fine. It’s not like you’re gonna hurt me. I already told you, I trust you.” 

Not going to hurt her? How could she say that? Dazai hurt everything he touched, even himself. She couldn’t say that so confidently, especially with these evil thoughts inside his head right now. She needed to stop saying that word, the one that meant trust, the one that made him want to scream.

He couldn’t be trusted, he shouldn’t be. 

Not thinking about his next words, the anxiety slipped past the barriers of his facade, his voice frantic and frazzled all at once due to the alcohol. “S-Stop that, stop saying that. You shouldn’t..”

Freezing immediately, Dazai forced his lips shut before taking a long suffocating breath. No, he needed to stay in control, to push past the liquid poison in his system and get his head on straight. Anything to make her understand. 

Asa then watched the boy close his eyes for a millisecond before finally taking a step towards her, each move calculating and slow. “You got it all wrong, sweetheart. It is a big deal. Your brother would’ve thought it was a big deal.”

And he hoped that would be enough, that she would back off and let it be. But unfortunately Asagao was never that kind of person, she was never the one to ignore his suffering, even when he so desperately wished that could be the case. 

Lifting her head up to meet him, Asa then uttered the most dangerous question of all. “Well, what do you wanna do?” 

Suddenly, he was taken back to the events of tonight, when Chuuya had accused him of pursuing her just so she could be coaxed into the mafia. That slug didn’t know about their deal, about her connection to Odasaku so of course he had assumed that. 

But just like before, Dazai answered the same. “It doesn't matter what I want, love. That’s not the point.” 

That seemed to be the wrong response though, watching Asa’s hazy half lidded eyes sadden into something unreadable before her fingers reached out to touch his cheek. 

The motion was soft, far too soft for his liking as Dazai’s entire body flinched for the skin to skin contact. Usually she only touched the spots that were covered, the bandaged gauze always creating a bridge from comfort to discomfort. 

But not now. Now it was different. 

It was almost like wanted him to feel her, to focus back on her rather than the self hatred that coated his entire head as she whispered lightly. “Yes it does, what you want should always matter. It matters to me.” 

It shouldn’t have, it really shouldn’t have. If only she knew how dark it was underneath it all, if only she knew about that alluring pull he felt when she agreed to kiss him. How he wanted to do it, to bend her backwards and find out how to make her fall apart for his own pleasure. 

It was disgusting, and Dazai hated himself for feeling that way, knowing that his desire to touch her wasn’t from a romantic or sweet intention. It was simply the allure of a game, of a puzzle that made him wish for it.  

He didn’t process intimacy the same way others did. No, what he sought after was much more cruel and vicious. And from the look in her eyes right now it was obvious to tell she didn’t understand any of it.  

So he tried to, he tried to hold together that fragile string inside his head, forcing the demon down with the alcohol until it disappeared completely. He had to, or else he’d truly soil Odasaku’s memory and spit on his grave. 

Falling into the hand that held his cheek, Osamu stuttered back, that resolve he once had fading in an instant. “D-Don’t..I’m not a good man..I’m trying..I really am but I’m not yet…don’t give me that power..I’ll break you..” 

Asa voice was immediate, desperate to hold him together. “You won’t.” 

But the boy’s voice replied just as fast, sharp and serious. “I will.” 

It was a simple fact. If she kept letting him do what he wanted, if she kept trusting him like this then he would break her. Not only that, he’d kill her with his own selfish heart, and that was something that could not happen.  

Asagao was quiet then, seemingly taking in his answer before her thumb lightly brushed a line across his cheek, her movements mimicking the same motion as earlier in the night when he showed her his eye. 

And though they were now covered again by gauze, she still saw through him even so. “If I wasn’t Oda’s sister would you still be saying that?” 

That question, it was like a nail in the coffin for him, simply because he had his answer immediately. No, it wouldn’t have been the same. If she wasn’t related to Odaskau then there would’ve been no discussion. 

He would have already kissed her, the second she casually agreed he would’ve pressed his lips onto hers without a second thought. And not only that, he would've already have chained her by his side in the mafia, he wouldn't have cared at all about her well being.

Because that was just the selfish kind of greedy man he was. 

Chuuya was right, he was just a bastard that only thought for himself. The only thing that was even holding himself together right now was that mocking glass of liquor they had given Odasaku’s ghost just steps away on the table. 

He hoped that she didn’t see it, the invisible chains that just barely bound him down. 

But she did, of course she did. Asagao saw through everything, the look in his singular eye and trembling muscles between her fingers telling her all she needed to know. 

He was suffering, Osamu was suffering right now with some much self loathing and hatred. It practically radiated off of him and even though the booze made it hard to focus on more than one thing, this was the only thing that mattered in her hazy little mind. 

She didn’t need to think about anything else. 

What had her brother done to him? Why was he holding back so adamantly? She didn’t want that for him, she didn’t want him to fall apart and crumble or think he was evil incarnate just because he would’ve kissed her if she was any other person.  

They weren't in a relationship, he didn't need to worry about such things. About breaking her or destroying her big brother's last promise. He didn’t need to be terrified of making a mistake because there were no mistakes that could be made. 

Stilling the movement of her thumb on his cheek, Asa then smiled softly, wanting him to see through his own darkness. “Hey, don’t think so hard about it. it’s just a test, alright? A one time thing. You aren’t soiling or shaming anything. I already said you could do it. You’d be helping me if you did, then I’d know if it’s the same or not.” 

Didn’t he understand that by doing this he would be a good man, that he would be gently assisting her to figure out her own theories? He would help her be able to compare and contrast, to come up with a definite answer by her own volition.   

But then again, if he truly was still scared of ruining her, of that kind of thing then she wasn’t going to push. The last thing she ever wanted to do was make him uncomfortable or feel worse about himself.

 It didn’t matter if he had basically confessed to wanting to do it, she knew the barriers he faced were great. “I understand if it’s no though. But if it is,I want you to be the one to say it and not just because my big brother thought you should..” 

She wanted him to voice it himself, to reject her with his own heart and not the one that her brother had left behind. Asagao didn’t want him to look at her and hate himself, to see the flaws and shortcomings that a good man didn’t have. 

No, she wanted him to understand that Oda’s opinion wasn’t the only thing that mattered. That her brother shouldn’t be the one to control every thought and feeling inside his mind. 

The only response she received was silence though, causing her hand to lower from his face with understanding. 

Perhaps that was too hard to do also. Very well. Then she’d be the one to make the decision. “Okay. I’m sorry I pushed.” 

Giving him a small smile of reassurance, Asa then turned around in order to go check on the hanging black jacket out on the balcony, her steps slightly stumbling with her loss of coordination.  

Yet just as she left the room completely, Dazai heard her speak to herself, the tone muttered and sad. “Guess my first kiss really was a bust. Ah well.” 

Sliding the door to the outside balcony behind her, the sixteen year old boy was left in silence, the feeling twisting around him all at once. She had given him what he wanted, dropping the topic completely and yet Dazai didn’t feel happy one bit. 

Because that last comment, the sad tone of it only brought back what he had been trying to forget all night.

And that was that her being kissed was completely and utterly his fault. 

He wasn’t smart enough, miscalculated that traitor's intentions and it caused her to lose the one thing she could never get back. It didn’t matter if kissing didn’t mean anything to him, she didn’t deserve to have her first one taken like that, so cruel and unfeeling. 

No, Asa deserved better than that, she deserved the best. She was a good person, better than he could ever be and he had let her down so astronomically. 

He failed to protect her when it counted and Dazai would never forgive himself for it. 

What would Odaskau have said, how disappointed would he have been to have known that? Dazai was too scared to even think about it. His best friend had left his little sister in the boy's care and he fucked it up so badly. 

So much so, he wanted to fix it, to go back in time and kill that bastard before he could even get his hands on her like that. But that was impossible, so what other option was there? There wasn’t one.

Although that’s when her words flashed through his head once more. She said that it was a bust but what if that wasn’t the case, what if he could cover up that unpleasant memory with something else, something new? 

Dazai’s eyes then began to deepen with possibility, with a way to make his fucked up thoughts and feelings seem okay. It would be okay to kiss her if he was really helping her, right? If he had good intentions, that would be okay, right? 

Odasaku would have understood then, wouldn’t he? That he did it to cover up her first bad experience, to make everything okay again, to fix his mistake.

One night of overindulgence, that wasn’t so bad, right? 

Just for her sake. 

It was a bullshit excuse, a ruse of what he really wanted but Dazai grasped at the straw even so. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew the plan wasn’t really for her, but that facade made everything so much so easier, so much more bearable. 

It was a way to still supply his greedy desire, his sick selfish soul. 

She returned a second later, the sliding glass door closing behind her as she approached with a sigh. “Sorry Samu, your jacket is almost dry but not yet. How about we deal out another round of cards while we wait? I’m not that sleepy anymore anyways.” 

Yet the second she reached down to grab the nearby deck of cards, she heard Dazai’s voice, the air around it growing far more heavy than before. “How did he kiss you?” 

Feeling herself freeze at the question, Asa immediately snapped her head up in confusion, completely caught off guard. “W-What?” 

Suddenly, she was face to face with the boy, his distance only a few inches away from her as Asa’s breath hitched in reply. The way he was looking at her now, it was different, darker, more demanding of something. 

But because of her lack of response, Dazai spoke again, his fingers latching onto her chin in order to control her movements and face him. “I asked a question, love. How did he kiss you?” 

Why did he want to know that? What kind of benefit would that bring him? Asa wasn’t sure. 

Yet even so, she gave him what he wanted, recalling the night through her drunken recollection. “O-Oh, uhh he took off my glasses and pushed my head against the prison wall.” 

There was anger in his eyes then, that same dark pool of fury that she saw when he murdered the guy earlier in the night. Something about her words bothered him, enough for the demon to peek out behind the man. 

Yet before she could speak on it, Dazai’s hands disappeared from her chin, moving in order for each one to rest firmly on her lower hips, his fingers digging into the turquoise fabric with some kind of need. 

Pushing his body closer, Asa was forced to step backwards, her feet still shaky and uncoordinated as he guided her until she felt her body bump against a wall, caging her into place by invisible chains. 

Humming to himself at her flustered reaction, he then tilted his head dangerously close. “Mm..like this?” 

Asa could only nod back though, all the words dissipating between her lips before she had a chance to speak them. There was something about this position, this air that made it hard to breath and her heartbeat pound against her chest erratically. 

 Hold on, now she knew what he was doing. Samu was re-creating her first kiss, copying the way that the kid did it so she could truly see if it was the same or not. Wait, that meant he was going to kiss her, he was going to give her what she asked for. Was he sure?

One his hands then reached forward, grasping onto the ends of her glasses before pulling them off her face in order to slip them into his pocket, her eyes immediately glued to him the second her vision became un blurred. 

Perhaps before she would’ve been scared but after his sweet reassurance tonight, Asa didn’t mind looking, seeing him fully. She still couldn’t do it for long periods of time but right now while they were so close, she couldn’t help but dive into the chestnut color and drown in it. 

And looking at him now, the old layers were still prevalent but there was also a new one, almost like it had manifested in real time due to their distance. It appeared like a lightning strike, shocking her core immediately. 

Desire. 

He was looking at her with desire. 

She was correct as well, Dazai feeling that overtaking emotion like a poison coursing through every single of his veins. Oh, the things he wanted to do to that pretty little face, the lines he so desperately wanted to cross just from the way she looked at him, it was immeasurable.

So filled with adoration and delusional trust, worshiping him as her center of the universe. It fed into every single toxic bone in his body, desperate to capture it forever. 

What did he ever do to deserve such an expression, to have her view him in such an ethereal light? He didn’t deserve it. He didn’t deserve anything she had offered him, and yet he still felt the need to hungrily take it even so. 

Moving his hand up to press his fingers against her cheek, he then shifted the muscles in his palm, causing her head to lift in order to follow the command perfectly in an instant, submitting to his selfish request. 

How beautiful she was, staring at him with those waiting and hollow eyes of hers. They did something to him each time, sucking him into the eagerness of his touch.  

And though he didn’t want to lose such a thing, he knew that in order to recreate that bastard’s kiss, he had to sacrifice them for her benefit. “Close your eyes.” 

She did so instantly, her long fluffy eyelashes falling to a close only for his lips to twist up in sick satisfaction. She followed so well for him, obeyed him so perfectly. He absolutely loved it, it was addicting in the worst possible way. 

God, he could feel the thoughts in the back of his head, the ones that wanted to break her, shatter her beyond reconciliation and then build her back up to his own design. 

He tried to ignore it until now but that was almost impossible after watching her perfect submission to his fingers. 

Touch was about control after all, and Dazai was determined to make her see that. To have her realize the power it held so that she would never ask to do such a thing ever again. It’s what she asked for after all, it’s what she practically begged him for. 

And he had no problem showing her that. 

Bruising a silent thumb over her lips, he watched her breath hitch again, a slight tremble appearing across the surface to his satisfaction. There we go, that’s it. She was reacting just like he had expected her to, how every other woman did when he touched them. 

Dazai then leaned closer to seal the deal only for his head to automatically freeze a couple inches away from her touch, Odasaku’s memory drumming in the mind of his head like a death sentence. 

No, this was okay, just ignore it. Pretend she’s someone else, pretend she’s not Odasaku’s sister. She’s just some other whore, that’s it, she’s not his best friend’s sister. She wasn’t untouchable. 

Yet the more he tried not to think about it, the more it did the opposite as flashes of Odasaku tormented him behind his eyes, of Ango telling him to stay away from her because he knew this would happen, that he’d break her when given the chance. 

Asagao noticed his hesitation as well, the girl’s eyes opening in order to see that Osamu was ghostly pale, his hands unmoving from her side as they shook with conflict. 

He looked to be on the verge of a panic attack, like he was screaming at himself in his own mind and she hated the sight. 

So much so, she softened in reply, before carefully reaching forward in order to remove his hand from her skin, not wanting him to hurt so badly because of her. “Hey, it’s okay, Samu. We don’t have to do it. I promise.” 

Pulling away from her spot on the wall, Asa then moved past him, causing Dazai’s eyes to follow her as she went. And there was something about the sight that made him spiral, the demon and his desire for her screaming at him to not let her go. 

To devour her completely before she disappeared from his sight. 

And with it, the fragile string of control in his mind suddenly snapped as Ango and Odasaku’s words of warning drowned out with the liquor in his system. 

Reaching forward like a puppet controlling his movements, Dazai then latched onto her forearm roughly, pulling her body backwards and spinning it around in order to slip his arm around her waist and collide his greedy lips onto hers. 

Asagao couldn't help but widen her eyes at the contact, the feeling of his lips on hers causing her head to spin and breath to dissipate in a single second in order to flutter her lashes closed with overwhelming shock. 

He held her so tightly, so possessively, caging her into his body and not letting go in order to explore the sweet poison that had been injected into his veins. 

And god, was it sweet, sweeter than anything he had ever tasted before. 

Dazai didn’t know that could be possible, that someone’s lips could feel this good, his head tilting forward to deepen it immediately like a hungry fool who had been starved for a decade. 

And with it came the most beautiful and tiny little noise seeping from her lips, the sound of enjoyment falling into his and bringing him into madness without a second thought. 

And just like that, every single past experience, every plan he had before the contact fizzed out of his brain, unable to process anything but the addicting feeling of the gift of her touch. 

Her lips, the way they moved across his, so soft, so tender and utterly breathtaking, the feeling of his skin on hers, it was nothing short of otherworldly. His cheeks, they felt like they were burning, his lungs ceasing of all oxygen as the arm around her waist tightened her even closer to him. 

Before this started he fully had the intention to control her, to make her submit and whine under his touch but now that he had realized what this could actually be, Dazai’s plan somehow seemed to reverse. 

What he had meant to control was now controlling him, and he didn’t even have the strength to fight it. 

But how could that be? He was the seducer, he was made sure to be in charge every single time. But if that was the case, why did he instead feel utterly swept away by absolutely everything about her? 

God, he was so pathetic. He wanted to worship her, to die between these lips and then never come back. Fuck, he’d even get on his knees and beg if it meant to have this feeling for the rest of his life. 

Yet just as it appeared, it was ripped away, Asa’s head reeling back in out to gasp out a breath of air and place her shaky heads on his chest to steady herself. 

And almost immediately, Dazai felt it also, his lungs ceasing with desperation as he forced the oxygen back to his lungs and willed the black spots in the corner of his vision to dissipate. 

After that, there was only silence, neither of them speaking against the tense air before Dazai finally broke the seal, shoving down all remnants of what had occurred. “Told you, it’s the same.” 

Asa replied a second later, her eyes still dazed and distant. “Yeah, you were right.” 

Then before he could think about anything else, the bandaged boy quickly raced past her, grabbing his half wet jacket in order to fumble to the entrance and leave completely as Asa followed him up to the door. 

Taking a shaky breath, both kids then simultaneously placed their fingers to their burning lips before sliding down on opposite sides of Odasaku’s door in order to cover their faces and think the same exact thing at the same exact time. 

The same? 

There was no way that was the same. 

----

(Really proud of these two chapters. Show some love if you do also!)

[chuckle-lore]

Episode 2- February 6 2021- Holy shit we got lore

Lore-

To make things clear: whenever I mention someone in the lore section, I am strictly referring to their CS! character. (Also, sorry for being inconstant with time stamps but I was watching with my mom and I didn’t want to annoy her by rewinding every two minutes)

4:31 Schlatt says that Ted tried to snipe him for being absent

Ted both ogles Charlie and talks shit about his appearance (specifically his nose)

Charlie mentions how he can easily throw Ted off a roof and catch him before he falls on the ground and this is considered one rep. This implies that Charlie is much faster than the average human and is stronger than one as well even if it’s slightly.

20:10ish we get to know about “Two-Faced Teddy” which is the nickname Schlatt and Charlie use for Ted

Charlie mentions that Ted cries black tears which are later to be confirmed to be tar

Ted admits he is a demon and talks to voices in his head. He tells one of said voices that he refuses to kill Charlie and Schlatt. Wether these are voices in his head or of a higher power is unclear but they do seem to have at least some influence over Ted.

“There’s a lot of gray in the black and white” this quote from Schlatt that 1) goes hard and 2)implies his morally dubious nature

Schlatt gives rabies to animals and shoots them. The ability to give rabies is called the “rabies radar”

These three are messy bitches that ruin each other’s merch/photos for the drama

33:20 Schlatt “went back” and changed the three’s contracts so he can have 50% of the profits. I am interpreting this to be either the works of time travel or reality bending, but with the phrasing of “went back” I am personally leaning towards time travel.

The current profit split is Schlatt 50%, Charlie 30%, and Ted 20%, neither Ted or Charlie seem satisfied with this cut

Some time in the Charlie’s youth, he almost was dragged into a foam pit to drown by Ted, Charlie ends up escaping just to find out Ted was now his coach. The only ways I can think of this working is if Ted has the ability to either teleport, extreme speed, some type of time manipulation, reality bending or a mix of multiple options. Either way Ted is op.

Originally the bottom of foam pits were portals that take you to the end in Minecraft but this was quickly changed to be diseased ridden areas that creatures and Ted lurked in

To summarize the lore: Ted is a demon, Schlatt and Charlie are have some type of abilities and are possibly not human, and all three of them are petty

Thoughts: This episode was just so much fun, everyone was goofing around and I’m surprised that I never revisited this episode before starting this project but I had such a good time. If I had to recommend an episode to a new watcher, it would be this one 9/10 go watch it if you haven’t.

Things I noted:

I love seeing the fanart in the beginning and I wish they bring it back

There’s a frame that made it look like Schlatt was giving birth and I did NOT needed to see that (this docked a point from my score

The lighting in Ted’s room improved

My attention was distributed more evenly in here compared to the first episode where it felt like Charlie and Schlatt took up most of it

We see that one picture of roided up Charlie which I think is pretty iconic and am conflicted about it being considered lore. They all confirm that’s what Charlie looks like but the photo originated from twitter which violates the first requirement to becoming lore (content must’ve originated from chuckle sandwich) I am debating with myself whether or not I can consider this the official cs!Charlie designed.

(Original notes and roided Charlie under the cut)

[hughgrants]

i had a big brain moment on the way to work

by which i mean i'm once again going to dx one of my comfort characters as having bpd traits

Spike aka William the Bloody (BtVS)

He's messy, he's passionate, he's malleable! He was a shy, rejection-sensitive poet until he became an overly charismatic, rejection-sensitive killer! He thinks love is everything and gives his many lives meaning! But sometimes that love is not love, it's passionate infatuation and involves repeated unwanted pursuit behaviors (aka stalking). His alliances, stances, loyalties, feelings can often change quickly on a dime! He literally took a coat from someone else and made it his whole look and personal signature style (bpd mirroring behavior to an extreme). He was enmeshed with Dru, hot and cold (mostly cold - abusively so) with Harmony, wanted to be enmeshed with Buffy, did get enmeshed with Buffy through an unstable, destructive relationship. He can be myopically focused only on his own needs (granted he IS a vampire) and fail to see others' unless the situation doesn't involve him, then he can see it more clearly than they can (lovers walk). He has weird chemistry with almost EVERYONE (Xander, Angel) because of his superficial charisma!

He splits (quickly vacillating between adoration/idealization and hatred/devaluation) on Buffy in a big way. She's the ideal women, she's the 'bitch' who won't let him take a stationary 'walk' outside her house every night (ie watching/stalking her), she has 'stupid hair', etc. He does this to Dru as well in "Crush" and Harmony on a regular basis (she's his 'baby', she's an 'idiot', she's adorable, she's his punching bag, etc.)

But most notably: he slides into a LOT of different roles in the show. He's villain, lover, hated ally to buffy in s2, annoyance and philosopher in s3, partly neutralized enemy and thanksgiving dinner 'guest' in s4, stalker and sometimes ally in s5, abuser AND abused in s6, serial killer AND redemptive sacrifice in s7 - then ghost turned ally/comedic sidekick turned final battle warrior in Angel S5. Yes, most of this is due to the writers trying to find ways to use James' appeal as an actor throughout the seasons without having to kill off the character, and reportedly it was difficult to integrate him into the plot in a way that felt organic starting in S4. But the end result of this, factoring in James' chameleon-like and committed performances, is that Spike is a LOT of things and slides into these roles with ease even if they don't fully 'fit' him in a way that feels essential to who he is. That's malleability - that's something people with BPD traits can exhibit and even struggle with. Lack of cohesive sense of self -> trying out different roles based on whomever you are drawn to or idealizing -> altering behavior patterns, style, mode of personal expression, etc.

But most convincingly, his entire identity is based on the strength of his emotions and attachments. They take him down so many paths and change him fundamentally as a person. First Dru then Buffy, from being seduced into becoming a great evil to ultimate sacrifice for love and the forces of good. His entire philosophy of life is that it's driven by romantic passion:

“You're not friends. You'll never be friends. You'll be in love 'til it kills you both. You'll fight, and you'll shag, and you'll hate each other until it makes you quiver, but you'll never be friends. Love isn't brains, children, it's blood - blood screaming inside you to work its will. I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it.”

Listen when I was 14 I was like "huh the excess grandiosity and passionate yet unstable affect and behavior are a vibe here"

And 20 years later I am aggressively tackling my own bpd traits through all the therapy. But was Spike an early awakening of the fact that my emotions run deeper than I'd like? Maybe, maybe not. Still an interesting question.

NOTE: This is just a headcanon/fan analysis using a framework familiar to me. I am NOT seeking to babygirlify or absolve any of his terrible behaviors. I think much of the show is resonant with viewers because many of the characters have a dark arc at some point. Willow is for the perfectionists who hurt themselves and others in their pursuit of avoiding painfully imperfect situations and their own errors. Xander has hero moments but also deep insecurity from his family trauma and a toxic possessiveness of women. Buffy shoulders the weight of the world but finds it hard to express things that torment her internally with those whom she loves. Angelus is the PERFECT metaphor for the cruelty of a first boyfriend who grows cold and abusive after physical intimacy. The show takes us to VERY dark places - and ultimately that is what I take from it, not one relationship, season, or storyline.

[emargoo]

Missed Connections ~ Snowbaz

Pairing: Simon Snow/Baz Pitch

Warnings: | Mentions of alchohol | Baz being a bitch |

Author's Note: Modern-ish AU, Watford School/magic non-existent, This was just a quick thing so nothing special. Enjoy :)

"Fuck," Simon swore angrily. He stood dejectedly at the train platform, clutching his ragged briefcase and watching as his only hope to reach Lancashire in good time slipped away. Steam and smoke blew in his face almost like an insult as the train rushed away from him, chugging down the tracks blissfully unaware that the locomotive's departure had just ruined his day.

He hadn't meant to be late, of course. But he'd reached the station early--due to Penny's nagging--and thought he would have plenty of time to wander the large building. Simon had stumbled across a vendor selling cherry scones, so of course he had to try one. And then try everything else the bakery sold. When it was time to find his platform, he needed to use the loo, which regretably took longer than he had planned. And as Simon was not one particularly blessed with directional capabilities, he had immense trouble when looking for his connection.

Not only had he boarded the wrong train entirely, SImon had needed to jump out of the moving train upon realising he had screwed up. Which leads him here, cursing and disheveled as he watches what would have most certainly been a comfortable ride to his home town chug away.

Simon sighed audibly, running a hand through his messy hair, making it all stand up. He plopped down on the bench behind him, letting his case fall heavily onto the tiled floor. He would need to find out when the next train to Lancashire left, which could very well be the next day. Simon turned his head slightly and almost jumped out of his seat when he caught a glimpse of a man sitting at the other end of the bench.

He was draped languidly across the metal, one long trousered leg sprawled out to his left, the other resting against the bench. He was dressed smartly, brown dress pants and a multicoloured sweater vest unbuttoned over a half-open collared shirt. His outfit felt almost scandalous. The man sported dark black sunglasses over his eyes and an almost ridiculous pink checkered scarf was tied around his head, casting his pale skin in shadow. If Simon had to wager a guess, he would say the man was some sort of exotic dancer or outlandish model.

He certainly had the face of one, thought Simon. Inwardly praising the man's high cheekbones and greecian nose. He was lengthy and elegant, and somehow managed to pull off his odd wardrobe choices. Simon's eyes traveled to the man's shoes, and had to stiffle a laugh. The man wore green spats over chunky black boots, a style that had long gone out of fashion. Not that Simon was particularly well-versed in the fashion world. But in his entire 20 years, he had never seen a man--or anyone, as a matter of fact--with spats.

"It's rude to stare, you know."

Simon's head snapped up. The man's dark eyes glared at him over his sunglasses, his eyebrows arched.

"Sorry." Simon shook his hair out of his eyes. He had forgotten himself after such a frustrating day. "It's been a weird day." His cheeks flushed in embarassment. God, he must sound so stupid to this elegant stranger. He extended a rough callused hand, "Er, the name's Simon. Simon Snow."

The man meerly continued to peer at him, his eyes travelling to Simon's outsretched hand. Simon repressed a shiver, feeling almost judged by this odd man.

"I'm Baz." Said the man shortly, briefly shaking Simon's hand. His hand was soft, but blisteringly cold.

Simon looked awkwardly down at the black-and-white tiled floor, feeling insanely uncomfortable. He had never been one for friendly conversations. Or making friends, for that matter. Most of the time people just befriended him, like Penny.

"I just, uhm, missed my train," said Simon, nodding stupidly. "The one that just left."

Baz didn't look at him. "I saw," he said. After a long silence, in which Simon moved restlessly, tapping his feet and playing with the buttons on his coat, Baz gestured towards Simon's jacket. "That coat, it's Ralph Lauren."

"Huh?" Simon looked down at his coat, not knowing what the man was talking about.

Baz sighed, "It's a brand. You have good taste."

Did he just roll his eyes at me? Simon wondered. "Uhm, I guess. It's my dad's."

"And your dad doesn't mind you borrowing it?" Baz eyed him skeptically, "That design is worth over 600 dollars."

"My dad's dead."

Baz's face softened slightly. His sunglasses drooped on the bridge of his nose, and Simon caught a glimpse of his gray-ish eyes, staring at him. "Oh," he said. "Sorry."

"It's alright, never knew 'em." Simon's voice felt gruff and forced.

"My dad couldn't give a shit about me." Said Baz suddenly. "I know its not the same but-" He stopped himself shaking his head. "Fuck, why am I telling this to a random? Sorry."

"All good, mate." Said Simon, scratching his neck. Truthfully, he did not know what to say to this man. All he needed right now was a train schedule and preferably another cherry scone.

"Would you know when the next train leaves?" Simon asked, looking over at Baz.

Baz stared at him blankly, "To where..?"

Simon cursed inwardly. "Lancashire."

"One moment." Baz pulled a dark purple leather bag from the floor and rumaging around in it. He pulled out a small silver flask, setting it tenderly next to him on the metal bench. Then he took out a crumpled paper, a train schedule, it seemed. "The next one leaves at 8:30 AM, tomorrow."

Simon slumped in his seat, rubbing him forehead lightly. "Fuck me."

Baz held out the silver flask to him, "You know, you shouldn't say that to a stranger. They might take you up on it."

Simon's neck grew hot, taking the open flask from Baz. He sniffed the contents of the vile slightly. It smelled strong. He felt Baz's gaze on him and lifted the flask to his lips, feeling the sharp liquid enter his mouth.

"Your ears are red." Said Baz cooly.

Simon choked on his drink. He handed the flask back to Baz quickly, his nose burning. Baz made a sound that sounded almost like a laugh.

"Jesus. I could have died." Simon said, wipping the drink from his chin.

"Don't be dramatic." Said Baz, "You're ballzy though, taking a drink from someone you just met."

Simon considered this, "Didn't even think of that, to be honest."

"Checks out." Baz regarded him over his hooked nose.

It was Simon's turn to roll his eyes, "At least I don't dress like a swinger."

Baz made a noise that sounded like a mix between a cough and a choke. Simon realised that must be his version of a laugh. "Do you even know what that means, Snow?"

"Well, no." Admitted Simon, "But I feel like you would be one."

Baz shook his head, eyeing Simon's ragged briefcase, his ripped pants, and messy hair. "Okay then. I'll take it as a compliment from you."

Simon felt his neck grow hot, "Go ahead." He looked up at the tall arched ceiling. Anywhere but at the confusing man he was sitting next to.

He heard the train before he saw it. And as if from a distance, he watched it push forward to make a stop at his platform. Baz stood up, clutching his leather bag in one hand. He walked towards the train and then stopped, turning towards Simon.

"I hope we meet again, maybe I can fix that floppy hair of yours."

Simon gaped at him, "Oh yeah, c'ya."

And then he was gone.

[salmiakkisaatana]

hey i desperately need to know more about sakari and asta btw

Ask and you shall receive!

I came up with them bc I was obsessed with one of my other oc's (Alex) and realized he needed parents.

At first I wanted his mom to be a single parent so I came up with Asta. She's an icon, the moment, a queen uknow the basic stuff. She's great mom, a dentist (she recently graduated to a doctorate), sometimes she acts in amateur plays, and she's a vintage fashion enthusiast/collector/repairer. She has a nice house, a car and Sakari to fix any problems with it (even tho Asta is also fully capable of solving them herself) and a close group of friends made up from Alex's friends' parents. Her life's maybe a bit grey, but it's a nice life and she enjoys it.

But yeah. You do need a second parent to have a kid (and I already have too many characters with unexplainedly vanished parents) so I made up Sakari. He's a little rat shit who couldn't be a husband. Fumbled the most smartest and most beautiful goddess that there is. Great job buddy. He CAN behave and be nice and charming. But usually he won't. He's a great car mechanic (that's his job, but still) and a no nonsense guy (except when it comes to Asta). He's not a bad dad (surprising for my characters), he just doesn't really know how to be a dad. He met his kid monthly or so after the divorce but neither he or Alex has ever felt that much of a father-son relationship between them. He's finally starting to kinda (?) figure out how to be a dad when the kid's what, 21 years old- And he's unfumbling the most smartest and most beautiful goddess that there is. Great job buddy!

This is a longass post so I'm putting the rest under the cut lol

The thing with these guys is that they both tried to see other people after their divorce, and most of the new partners were great and there was chemistry and stuff, but somehow the relationships all ended. Asta was the first to settle with the tought of being single.

They were together from 2000-2012, ages 17-29. They were high school* sweethearts and both of them are hopeless romatics which caused them to try and cling to each other as long as possible. They both had given so much to the relationship and supported each other (they had a kid, Sakari had mostly supported their finances when Asta was in dentistry school etc), whic is probably why they lasted so long even tho the first bigger problems started to arise pretty soon after Alex's birth in 2003 (yeah they were 20 when he was born, whoops) and they even got married in 2006 despite the problems.

Nowadays they're very attached to each other, probably even more than before now that their relationship has mostly healed from being veeeerry messy in the 2010s. They're still not getting back together, bc they know that they'd be a catastrophical mess. They're a mess even as friends. They get on each other's nerves often and bicker about stuff that doesn't matter, but they still have each others' backs

*well, the kinda equilavant of hs in Finland which is lukio

Elaborating this post:

I reblobbed this thinking about how Sakari was feeling after the divorce. He's a romantic little rat shit and he was truly feeling the loss of the most smartest and most beautiful goddess that there is. His mortality being taken in the divorce is just him being a dramatic little bitch playing with symbolism. Sorry, he's not actually immortal! Only normal ass humans here (unless it's one of my fantasy AU thingies).

[ashe-delta]

I am now reading this green tea bitch manhwa because it looked cute, last lesbian romance manhwa I read was Ring My Bell and I loved that shit.

This is like a half live reaction half thought out post so forgive how messy this post will be. I figured I’d try something different. It will also be long. The number in front shows what chapter the thought is on. TL;DR: It’s good and very sweet and cute. Ends a bit too early

[3] this girl is a FREAK I love her so much

[4] Oh yikes that backstory is rough I don’t know about that one chief

[5] god it’s so refreshing to just see people say “gay” after all the weird beating around the bush manga does half the time.

[6] this is an EXCELLENT reaction image I’m gonna have to use this all the time

[6] why do I have a feeling half of this is just me going “they like me fr” over and over again

[6.X] the author’s non canon bonus panels are really cute to be honest I love that they aren’t even trying to act like they won’t get together

[8] TRUE

[9] hey swinging a bit too close to home there that one hurt. yowch [9] oh they’re lesbians they’re gay oh my poor heart

[10] jesus FUCK she’s gay. Holy fuck you’re such a lesbian oh my god girl

[11] I think I just have a thing for stories about a seemingly straight person figuring out they’re gay because like Ring My Bell I find this turbo sweet

[12] Oh god. I am not immune to lesbians. holy shit. oh my god

[13] oh she’s absolutely not straight she’s fruity as fuck actually. my heart

[14] Token gay best friends in straight media are out. Gay best friends in gay mediums are my new friend

[14] THE EGGS BEEN CRACKED HOLY FUCK SHES SO HOMOSEXUAL ITS CRAZY

[15] I love her so much holy shit lol

[16] I’m going to be a puddle on the floor when this is over it’s literally over for me I can’t handle romance it’s so fucking cute

[17] oh wow she went straight to her mom that’s pretty brave. Although I guess not out of character for her. And she seems pretty cool about it too that’s fun good to see there to be no drama there.

[19] Hopeless supportive mom honestly goes so hard as an archetype

[20] oh my god. Oh my gfucking god. Hoyj god fuck shit

[22] im not okay im not okay im not okay

[23] oh my god I can’t it’s so cute

[24] this is devolving into me just squealing like a school girl every chapter over how cute it is

[25] I could just read about them being mushy for 200 chapters and I still wouldn’t get bored

[27] love that she starts as the straight person and ends up gayer than the protag

[28] I’ve had a permanent grin on my face for a while now this is so fucking cute

[29] Wait the grin is gone why does she have to have such bad parents

[30] I don’t like her mom very much

[31] I unironically hope her mom dies of a mysterious illness I can’t believe she caught the homophobia bug fuck you mom

[32] Supportive moms rule man

[34] That has got to be the most depressing time skip I’ve seen come on man

[37] The ending is kinda brutal how they had to not see each other for a whole year but I’m glad they get to finally live together in college it’s so sweet holy shit

This was very sweet and worth reading if you watch fluffy romance, I just wish the ending was a bit better because it was kinda out of tone compared to the rest of the manga (I honestly expected her to move in with her girlfriend since they seem financially well enough for it, it would make sense for the tone of the series). Regardless I fucking love lesbian romance

[candyskiez]

for the toh ask game- 2, 12, 20?

2. Already put my first favorite, so let's do second! It's...honestly a tie. I know, I know, cop out. But I can't decide which I like more. The two I'm tied between are Willow and Hunter. They're just SOOO. God. I love them. Okay. I know Hunter is. Basic favorites wise, but I like him okay. He's such realistic abuse rep, realistic religious trauma rep, it's,,, man. Man. It's. God. He's just a guy who's trying so hard to be good and do the right thing that has the odds stacked against him. He's a little unhinged and not like, a perfect victim. He's mean, he drops uncomfortable details about himself not realizing he isn't supposed to, they show the messy parts of depression which is a fucking REFRESHER. Also I just. Have a thing for clones that find themselves. I have a thing for characters that grow beyond their programming. I like how they go "Actually, growing up believing you're the chosen one would, realistically, SUCK." He's also really fucking funny. He's a sad wet cat, he's an extremely complicated character, he's also a basic bitch. I love him. I want to put him in a washing machine. Fucking loser.

Tied with Willow! She's. Man. I didn't like her much at first, I just couldn't get into her. But I love her SO MUCH now. Seeing the "bullied girl gets stronger" trope except it acknowledges being bullied sticks with you for life, actually is so nice. I love how so much of her development and healing is from learning to stop repress her anger and her sadness. In her mind, people start liking her again when she's strong, so if she stops being strong NOBODY will like her. She equates half a witch Willow, being weak or sad or in anyway lacking, with losing Amity. If she isn't cool and confident, people don't want to be around her. If she slips up for a second, everyone hates her (in her mind.) She views her emotions as the remnants of "who she used to be" that ruined everything. Hell, she views Amity treating her like she's weak as treating her as who she used to be. Like half a witch Willow. Like someone who would deserve that treatment. She needs time to get used to her not being that pathetic anymore. It's INTERESTING. She's so interesting. Chews on her like a squeaky toy. She's everything to me. I love her.

12. Honestly? Difficult question. First one that pops into my mind is the "do not underestimate me" azura quoting, because god it is SUCH a Luz thing to quote her special interest as she kills the guy who wants her friends dead, love her. But what else hm. I think also Luz realizing her greatest want. It's so...man. Man. Because it explains so much about her. Why the camp hurt her so badly, why she immediately latched onto someone who seemed similar to her, why she wanted to have some set in stone path made specifically for her. It's also just such a beautiful scene. Camilia apologizing was SO FUCKING cathartic for me. Healed my inner child a little and I'm not joking. Having a parental figure apologize for trying to make their kid normal just. Healed something in me, man. It healed something in me. The egg hatching was animated so beautifully, the color scheme, Luz crying, it's so BEAUTIFUL. It's such a. Good fucking scene. Man. The neurodivergent generational trauma is so real and then breaking that....wah. Man. Hm what else. Honestly? The duet. It genuinely made me realize "oh hey if I'd die it'd probably affect people", and I know that sounds dumb but. In my defense I was really depressed when I saw that scene for the first time. It's so gorgeous visual wise, fantastic visual representation of what's going on, SO well done, the music is beautiful and always gets stuck in my head, it's just. Very memorable for me.

20. Hmmm, difficult. I think probably Willow and Amity and Hunter. Bullied kids, disabled kids, repressed rage and constant anxiety of being in an abusive household. The abandonment issues of losing a friend. It's just. A lot man. It's a lot. Yes I know this is also a cop out shh.

[villanevehaus]

tagged by @thenelse to list 8 shows to get to know me better. thank u mutual Then Else it's always lovely to be tagged by u <3 these aren't in any particular order but here we go

1.sharp objects is the seminal haus tv show, the book even moreso. gillian flynn writes female characters and protagonists in a way that is just gritty and gross and as whole characters who make mistakes and have grudges and shitty opinions. as a bitch who used to self harm, used to have substance abuse issues, and used to have a horrendous relationship with returning to my childhood home, i had never seen all of those issues wrapped into one traumatized character before, let alone a woman! the show is shot in a way that deliberately highlights the messy and seemingly nonsensible ways that trauma influences people and all of it is just!!! she just like me fr!!!

2. bojack horseman (stick with me here) is important to me in ways that i really cant articulate in an ask so i will just list things that come to mind about it: cycles of familial abuse and inherited trauma, the clutch that addiction can and does have on people (he just like me fr), complex grief, the way that mental illness and mental anguish do not make sense, people-pleasing as a means of self-destruction, acts that cannot be forgiven being committed by your loved ones and navigating that going forward, committing the unforgivable yourself and needing to find a way to move forward, the consequences of your own actions, grudges, self-preservation, asexuality, being in your 20s and 30s and 40s and 50s and 60s, change as an individual, stagnation as an individual, and the way that watching bojack horseman is impossible to pitch because how do you pitch a show about an alcoholic cartoon horse and his friends princess carolyn, mister peanutbutter, lernernerner dicarpricorn, and bobo the zebra as something that addresses all those previous things i just listed.

3. madmen is so sleek and stylish and well made that every time i think about it too much i end up watching the whole thing again. the way that they capture sunlight and daylight through high-rise buildings also makes me a little insane ngl. the music and the camera movements and the pacing and the costumes are just so consistent! it's perfect background noise and it's perfect deliberate watching. i think for me this falls under the personal because my mum loved it but passed away before the finale so every time i finish it i think about what she might have thought about it.

4. wentworth has some of the most consistent character writing that i have ever come across. i haven't finished it for homosexual reasons (only watched s1-s5) but there are character actions from the pilot that come into play late s5. there are so many instances of a character making a choice that you loathe and can't believe they're making not because they wouldn't, but because that's exactly what they would do in said instance. also, women! fat women trans women ugly women women of colour indigenous women grieving women angry women vicious women soft women alcoholic women gay women bisexual women abused women abusive women elderly women young young young women screaming women vengeful women broken women healing women determined women violent women. the relationships between all sorts of women! mentor and mentee, mother and child, inmate and guard, boss and employee, new girlfriend and old girlfriend, loyalty to the point of ruination, stalking, coercion, use, resentment, rivalry!!! it makes me crazy

5. killing eve s1&2 were so so so special. s3 and s4 had their moments and i will not say more than that but characters like eve and villanelle hadn't been seen before and i doubt will be seen in the future. i also have +500k words of fic written about them so i feel like im contractually obligated to mention it

6. the good place ohhh the good place !!! the good place said how can we fault people who want to be good but were born into circumstances where they cannot be!!! there is always good to be found in trying to help others!!! what matters is if people are trying to be better than they were the previous day!!! how can we hold it against people who are not given kindness and love and support!!! the fact that life ends is what makes living it so beautiful!!! i am going to start crying

7. futurama was there for me in a lot of ways when i didn't have much else that was as stable as that 9:30pm timeslot. there is a lot of negative things/criticisms that i could and often do say about it but there are a few very special moments from a few very special episodes that mean enough to me that i still hold it dearly: the opera. the story that follows fry's brother naming his son after fry and how that son went on to be the first man on mars. when leela has the bee sting and wakes up from her coma and sees that fry has been waiting for her. when fry is given the opportunity to go into his sleeping mother's dream (from a time when she was alive- there's time travel, kind of, it's a whole thing. at this point she's long dead) and says "i have so much to tell you" before just looking at her and pulling her into a bruising hug. as someone who frequently has dreams in which i am able to speak to my deceased mum, that will never fail to make me cry.

8. arrested development sucks so bad but goddamnit if it isn't also the wildest and most absurd shit to exist. i reblogged a post the other day that was about it's impact on culture and it's true!!! "it's one banana Michael, what could it cost? ten dollars?", "dead dove: do not eat", "well, i don't want to blame it on 9/11, but that certainly didn't help", "good for her", "i don't understand the question and i won't respond to it", "oh mercy me, i forgot that were in the colonies!" ALL being from the same show?? insane. the humour of arrested development is absolutely coloured by the time it was made in but holy shit all of it is so sharp and hysterical. also the fact that sometimes if you're trying to explain a joke to someone who hasn't watched it you have to go on an insane tangent that is 100% just the events of the show that happened but it sounds completely nonsensical is [chefs kiss]

tagging @herbeloveve @lesbian-hannibal (ur url has made me realize i forgot nbc hannibal but im already here so NBC hannibal is an honourable 9th choice) @killinganya @killbillieve @horrid-queer @agaywithcoffee @annnnperkins and anyone else who wants to!!

[chqnified]

Thank you for the tag @abiaswreck <33

Sorry it took me so long to do. Tagging @niche-bitch @anautumncarol if you both want to do it, no pressure though <3

1. Birthday?

24/7 ... I love using it as a pun.

2. Favorite color?

Black would be the overall agreed colour. But here are a few parts favourite colours: Felix is blue, Isla is lilac, Echo is blue, Avi is black, Celia is blue, Dani is red.

Mine is red and black.

3. How tall are you?

5"7 irl.

4. How many pair of shoes to you own?

2, one pair of regular black converse and a pair of Dr martens max platforms. I also have a pair of cheer shoes, but it'd break my brain to wear them outside after being conditioned to never step foot outside of the gym of competitions with them lol

5. Favorite song?

Favourite song of all time, Side effects by skz.

6. Favorite movie?

The Call

7. Who would be your ideal partner?

My current partner. Caring, understanding, funny and attentive. They literally remember the tiniest of things I would have randomly told them about months ago and I find that endearing tbh.

8. Do you want children?

Yes. I'd adopt 3 children I think. Definitely at least one child. Sounds cringey, but I want to give them the world yk...

9. Have you gotten in trouble with the law?

Nope.

10. What color socks are you wearing?

Black. I only own black long socks, or black / white sports socks.

11. Favorite type of music?

K-pop and Alternative. But, tbh, as a system, our music taste is very varied.

12. How many pillows do you sleep with?

3.... But..... I was supposed to get rid of the third as I was bought a replacement pillow for one of my old ones..... But I'm hoping nobody will notice I kept it.

13. What position do you sleep in?

On my side or stomach

14. What don’t you like when you’re sleeping?

Any lights on. The glow in the dark stars on our wall are fine, but light as in sunlight, lights, screen light, lamp light or even you know the tiny lil lights on machines that signals they're on standby or whatever. Really annoys me. Oh, also noise, that isn't my music from earpods.

15. Have you tried archery?

Yes. I wasn't too bad at it actually.

16. Favorite fruit?

Lychees ? Mango is great too.

17. Are you a good liar?

Yes. Now see, most people would say I'm a bad liar, but being brutally honest, if I didn't want you to know truly, you wouldn't. I pick and choose. Also.... If you're labelled a bad liar, it makes it all the more easier lol.

I'd like to add, I don't go out of my way to deceive people to harm them or be shitty, I would do so to keep myself and the system safe. If you have to loose battles to win others in more important circumstances, that's what I'll do. I think tbh, it'd only make sense if you lived my life

18. What’s your personality type?

Istp apparently

19. Innie or outie?

20. Left or right handed?

Right handed, left footed.

21. Favorite food?

Hash brown with ketchup

22. Favorite foreign food?

Idk, I love pretty much most Chinese and Greek food ig. It's so good 🤨

23. Are you clean or messy?

I'm very pedantic, everything has its place, shelves have to be dusted as well as skirtings, picture rail etc. So yeah clean. Tidying is also my way of taking my mind off things.

24. Most used phrase?

'your mum' 'bestie' 'slay' 'so anyways'

.... I don't have any justifications.

25. How long does it take you to get ready?

Depends if I need a shower or to wash my hair. If I've showered the night before already, 30mins (including getting out of bed). If I need to shower and maybe wash my hair, 1h.

26. Do you talk to yourself?

Well. Yeah. But I mean, as parts, we're usually always around one another, so, I don't talk to myself often.

27. Do you sing to yourself?

Rarely.

28. Are you a good singer?

Ask the neighbors.

29. Biggest fear?

Being hated. Loosing everyone.

30. Are you a gossip?

No. I don't have the energy. Our only gossips are Aris, Echo and potentially Erin.

31. Long or short hair?

Long for a boy, short for a girl. Depends on what stereotypes you're basing it on.

32. Favorite school subject?

Biology and stats.

33. Extrovert or introvert?

Introvert

34. What make you nervous?

Depends on the day. But loud noises, especially loud unexpected noises are anxiety inducing for me

35. Who was your first crush?

Uhmmmmm I think it was one of my 'boyfriend''s older sister.... I was 6 or 7 at the time, leave me alone.

36. How many piercings do you have?

Only 2 currently but will be getting some more between now and the end of summer.

37. How many tattoos do you have?

None, but I really want to get some

38. How fast can you run?

Faster than an ostrich. Definitely.

39. What color is your hair?

Light brown

40. What color are your eyes?

Blue

41. What makes you angry?

Really random things. Probably big hypocrites the most though. oh and when people have opinions on something they have no knowledge about/ done no research on.... And refuse to listen to someone who knows about it more than them

42. Do you like your name?

Birth name no. Collective name (Charlie) all of us don't mind/like the name. The system name (Eleutheria) we all chose it out together, so definitely love the name, it has a lot of meaning for us. Our individual names, most of us picked out our own name so again yes.

44. What are your strengths?

I can accurately adjust myself according to my surroundings/environment/people I'm with to fit in without thinking.

45. What are your weaknesses?

I get too attached to people. I'm also extremely emotionally erratic

46. What’s the color of your bedspread?

Grey

47. What’s the color of your room?

My room carpet is aqua blue, my walls are light grey and white, my curtains are dark grey. My bedsheets vary, blu, grey or lilac. So overall. Blue / grey