#well never gonna know if you don’t try
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Does anyone know if there’s a limit to how many Lonley Devil you can visit at once?
I have a problem and now I have to get 20 demon vouchers by 2 days and the best way is using pop quiz rewards (Nighmare wasn’t playing nice for Beel’s birthday)
Plan is to open every LD I haven’t started yet and grind until the 4500 mark which gives 2 DV (so I need to go through 10 LD to achieve this) but really depends on wether there is a limit now
If not I’m saved if there is I’ll go crying in the corner and never open the OG app again /j
#obey me#obey me swd#obey me shall we date#I mean I think there’s not a limit… or there is…#well never gonna know if you don’t try#also if your wondering why I can’t just use Devil Points that would take 540 for 20 pulls#If I used this strategy it should use nothing over 200 at least#100 for using the LD and the rest for additional AP#refuse to just accept this or pay to Solmare I WILL get something after saving for so long#do I make sense here or do I sounds gibberish#I SAID SOUNDS INSTEAD OF SOUND IM DONE FOR
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#PHEWWWW HI GANG#im writing this via tumblr web so bear with me but i hope everyone’s 2025 has started off well so far !!!!!! a lot has happened on my end#(the good and the bad but we are thugging it out!)#i’ve received very wholesome messages from my lovely moots which i’ve taken a sneak peek of and will be replying to when i get the time !!#anywho! i don’t know when i’ll be back on here bc my creative juices have been DRAINED so yeah :C i didn’t wanna leave completely so i#archived my acc for a bit while i sort things out :3 — my reason for doing so is mixed really. more on losing motivation and just basically#stuff to worry about irl BUUUUT i missed you all so much and me being here and making a post means its kinda getting better on my end so ya#prob not relevant but i’ll enable my asks again if anyone wants to leave anything so that i can come back to it again when i log on sjdnksj#also also i’ve been watching ‘the apothecary diaries’ s2 and its so amazing !! i also started ‘a sign of affection’ and let me tell you how#much i was kicking and rolling around my bed KSNDKSJ#gaming-wise i recently pulled for c0 arlecchino but lost her weapon to clorinde’s weapon 😭🙏🏼 but shes amazing and i love her gameplay sm!#AND AND OMG LADS.??. WELCOME BACK CALEBBBBBB OMGGG i havent done the main story yet but i’m excited !! i know ppl have mixed feelings over#him and his actions but hes so up my alley so ik im gonna be eating it up hehe. i did manage to pull for his standard 5 star which is#exciting too !!! anyway i want to try and get back into writing again because my mind has been brewing yet another heavy chrollo angst 😽#(i love putting my husband through grief)#or maybe i’ll start w finishing off a couple of loose ends from the fics i never finished 😭 (i’m so sorry)#welp that’s all from me !! i love u all <3
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When someone else’s art is so good you physically can’t look at it because of artistic jealousy
#Y’all do this to me on a daily basis I swear#I literally can’t follow some people because their stuff is so good it breaks my heart#I think the art world has a lot of envy and competitiveness that no one really talks about#Sure we’re all for self expression but so many of us are so used to being “the art kid” that anyone else taking or sharing that spot feels#like losing a peice of your identity.#I’ve had some artist friends who dealt with their jealousy by tearing others down or justifying their art by going#”Well you’re bad at ____ but I’m better at ____”#Or they would give unsolicited critique that was more like gently worded criticism than friendly advice to help someone reach their goals#And because of those experiences… I never want to become that person#I definitely get the surges of jealousy… But I very much try to remind myself that fellow artists are my friends-not my rivals#The people I feel the most envy for are often the people I hype up the most#And beyond that- nobody in the art community is trying to gatekeep information from you.#If you want to learn skills from other people- don’t hesitate to ask them. Most artists happily spill their brains for you in a conversatio#(Foolish artist… they don’t even know how many brain juices of theirs I’m absorbing-MWAHAHAHA)#(I’m gonna come come back stronger as an artist… And then I can learn and grow EVEN MORE BWAHAHAHA)#So anyway… Jealousy is a valid and very real thing… but what you choose to do about it can either hinder or help you.#That’s all folks#art meme#art
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i feel like this is perhaps not a popular opinion but the sort of infantilizing way fic writers (individual) talk about fic writers (group) on here is kind of annoying to me.
#the waffling back and forth between ‘so many fics are better than any book i have ever read’ and ‘you should never criticize fic writers bc#that’s like criticizing a child playing a game’ just kinda irks me lol#i know it is a hobby and i’m not trying to be a professional writer and im nothing special but#it’s still important to me and i treat it with some amount of seriousness you know#like in trying to defend writers it feels like saying i’m not really a writer#well maybe i’m not and im just being an annoying nitpicky baby about this lmao#i need a text post tag#maybe this is why i also really don’t relate to the whole why would i write it if no one is gonna read it thing#like idk. surely ppl draw or paint or do other art for themselves that they don’t have to share
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ATLA for the ask game!!
*stares blankly at my screen as I try to remember the last time I've felt any strong emotion for an AtLA character*
(no genuinely those guys just kinda Exist to me istg I’m not invested even when I’m actively rewatching the show)
blorbo (favorite character, character I think about the most) – This one’s easy: Azula. One does not simply go through their teenage years as a severely mentally ill girl with a shitty dad and emotionally absent mom who favours the other child and end up normal about Azula lmao. I need any and every canon media to leave her the fuck alone. No I do not have a vision as to what happens to her post canon. Yes I do think that what the creators went with sucks ass and thus is not canon in my multiverse thank you very much
scrunkly (my “baby”, character that gives me cuteness aggression, character that is So Shaped) – Appa. Just Appa. As a bonus, baby Appa. I need a plush of him more than I need to breathe (though Hanička might get to it so.. how good that idea is may be debatable). Oh, and The Duke. Have you ever seen him hugging Toph in the background of the last episode (I believe)?? Babies, absolute babies, they deserve the world, your honour
scrimblo bimblo (underrated/underappreciated fave) – …. Mai? I feel like Mai doesn’t get enough love in the fandom. My current objective is trying to get the friend I’m making watch AtLA for the first time like her :P
glup shitto (obscure fave, character that can appear in the background for 0.2 seconds and I won’t shut up about it for a week) – Okay, I’m gonna be honest, I’ve thought over this one for a good 20 minutes and haven’t been able to come up with anything because I Genuinely Do Not Care That Much, but during this past rewatch I’ve been doing with my friends I have had a *Leonardo DiCaprio pointing meme* moment at every reference to Yangchen thanks to A CERTAIN SOMEONE, so… might not be me who never shuts up about her, but she still counts (though I did go on a small infodump when my friend asked me “which one’s that one?” during the Avatar State montage in Book 2 Episode 1, so… perhaps there is more of a case to be made here). Oh, and Smellerbee. I wanna know what Smellerbee’s deal is. No one ever talks about Smellerbee :/
poor little meow meow (“problematic”/unpopular/controversial/otherwise pathetic fave) – Hama. Partially for Ming-Hua related reasons, partially because I’m obsessed with the concept of bloodbending (and yet cannot give two shits about Amon or Tarrlok 🤔 Hm, correction: the concept of bloodbending women :D), partially because I wholeheartedly believe that she was brought back to the South Pole and she and Kanna got to be lesbians together for whoever many years they had left – side note, how come every bloodbending woman is a lesbian? – and there’s a certain subsection of the fandom who have proven to not be able to be normal about victims of colonisation, hence the “problematic” category. (Also… not a character, but the Great Divide is a fun episode and you all are way too mean about it. Yes, it does have some.. questionable implications, but all the arguments about how it doesn’t further the plot are stupid as fuck because IMO, if we have time for half a dozen random Fire Nation adventures and a whole episode dedicated to Zuko’s sob story and the trashfire that Ember Island Players is, we have time for the Great Divide. Argue with a wall)
horse plinko (character I would torment for fun, for whatever reason) – Zuko. This is because I do not like him. No further commentary lest this fandom tear me to pieces. And Jet. This is also because I do not like him. And Sokka. But I actually do like him, I just think it’s funny when he suffers (/affectionate)
eeby deeby (character I would send to superhell) – Pakku. It has been 11 years since I watched AtLA for the first time and never once have I been convinced that Kanna actually married him. Absolutely not, to superhell with you. If there’s any NWT waterbender who deserves to get with Kanna, it’s Yugoda. Hama/Kanna/Yugoda polycule when???
#this took me. no joke. an hour to do#it has never occurred to me how much I just.. don’t care about AtLA characters lmao#this is very much an LoK zone. if not a MoM zone#I think it’s cause. like I said. I’ve been into this show since I was 6#I’ve rewatched AtLA so many times that I’m just beyond caring#I know every plot point beat by beat. I know what happens to every character#I know it’s useless to worry about high stakes bc it’s all gonna work out in the end#I can practically quote the damn thing in its entirety#you get my point?#so even rewatching the show is less me being invested in it and more me being curious about my friend’s reactions#I like these guys well enough but none of them make me scream and chew glass and sob hysterically like LoK characters or OCs do#so honestly I’d never call any of them any tumblr terms#those are reserved for the Highest Caliber of emotional response. I feel like#most of this was written with an ‘eh. close enough’ attitude#which I feel sounds very mean but it’s the truth#I would say I enjoyed filling this out but honestly it just gave me a headache#sorry Kat :P#(okay fine it was fun OCCASIONALLY. I’m not that mean)#(if you try apologising I will bonk you on the head with a rolled up newspaper)#avatar the last airbender#ask game#not tagging any characters bc I can’t be bothered to ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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I will say this’ll take awhile cause I’m in school-I got homework already OOF-and I need to figure out how to breakdown my thoughts in word post but since god knows when I’ll make YouTube videos I think writing posts about music would be easier- and far less worry of copyright lol.
#meg text#getter robo#I mainly picked these songs out of biased but also they have the most going on#like- heats is a banger but narratively I don’t know what it really saids to arma other then “never give up”#but I left the last option for a reason just your gonna have to tell me what you think the song means lol#this mainly came to me cause getter isn’t analyzed enough but the music is definitely NOT looked at#it’s all just “damn this is fire” and not actually exploring what the lyrics are telling you#also deep red and burn the run could be separate esp since there from different shows but well- there both ryoma themes so#I might also do other anime music analysis if I do well with these and I want to try to do all of them
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sometimes it’s late at night and you’re cleaning your room and you come across a few old black and white photos of a young girl and you stare at them for a long minute wondering how on earth they got lost in an old Kroger shopping bag with an unopened pack of cigarettes and a receipt dated 2017.
and you look at the girl in the pictures sat on the floor of someone’s home you don’t recognize, smiling and playing with a set of keys and a tiny part of you feels like it recognizes her but you aren’t sure.
and you flip the pictures over hoping to find some sort of annotation that would give you context and all you find is the year 1964 stamped in tiny font along the edge.
and you flip them back over and time stands still as you realize that the recognition you feel is because she looks so much like you once did and next thing you know your hands are sweating and shaking and you have to sit on the floor because you’re crying so hard because it hits you all at once that you’re looking at your mother.
#hey Siri play In Color by Jamey Johnson for me please#music stuff#you should’ve seeeeen it in cooolllloor#Seven.txt#Seven’s Public Diary#normal Sunday night behavior#me? up all night hyperfocused on cleaning out my depression cave to achieve a sense of change and accomplishment -#- and ignoring every other aspect of my life including abandoning time sensitive tasks lest i get distracted and lose all motivation???#more likely than you think!#i’ve been at this since new years and i’m only like. halfway done. Gods help me#like i don’t mean ‘cleaning’ as in doing some light dusting. i mean there’s junk and trash piled 2/3rds of the way to the ceiling#when i call this room my depression/mental illness cave i Mean it#but no longer. i shall finally return this room to an acceptable state for the first time since. uh. 2022? i think?#i found a plastic container of dates buried under some laundry and the sticker says they’re from March of last year lmao#i forgot about those/thought i threw them away. but they were thankfully sealed so well that they hadn’t drawn any bugs#and oddly enough hadn’t even visibly molded/gone bad. but i didn’t open them up for a smell test i just chucked ‘em in my giant trash bag#i’m finding all kinds of shit i forgot i even had which is nice but it’s also distracting me like those pictures did#i’ll have to show them to her and ask her about them tomorrow#and ur probably like ‘u found old pics of a girl that looks like you why didn’t you immediately recognize ur own mom’#and 1. there’s countless pics of countless old relatives around this house that i barely/don’t recognize and never even met#and 2. i’ve barely ever seen any pics of my mom from such a young age so i have no images to reference in my mind#and it just fucked me up bc. i don’t look like her anymore. i only see Him in the mirror. but i Used to look like her. i’m turning into him#and i fucking hate it so much. i don’t like that she looks at me and sees him. great now i feel sick.#anyways thats enough reminiscing i need to get some water and food in me and get back to cleaning. i shan’t rest until i’m satisfied#well. my period + depression combo kinda Did make me rest which is why it’s taken 5 days but still. the horrors persist but so do i#it’s not just for the sense of accomplishment tho. i also need to move the 75gal tank out of the living room thanks to the floor situation#so i’m trying to make room in my room for it since it has the newest & strongest floor. i just need to find a level spot thats big enough#my back is gonna be so fucked after all this cleaning that i’ll have to rest for a fucking week before moving that heavy ass glass box#i hate moving big aquariums it makes me so anxious. and i literally don’t know if i’ll have anyone capable of helping me#so it might not even happen and it’ll just have to sit empty in the living room forever. but Maybe he can/will help me
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please remember that it is a compliment to be disliked by people. most people don’t even like themselves. think about why you even want to be liked by somebody. why do YOU like YOURSELF?? why give a fuck about whether or not somebody with so much work to do on themselves doesn’t like you? they literally do not even like themselves. they can’t genuinely “like” you.
#mine#so tired of people who literally only know to people please#‘people pleaser’ is such a joke of a phrase bc they’re literally the most disappointing people i know#they don’t respect themselves#they live in such a way that is so repulsive to me it literally gives me euphoria to know they dislike me#call me names lie about me tell me you never wanna see me again#it’s literally bliss#like what do they expect?#for me to cry on the floor and beg them to love me?? i am not a fucking codependent like everyone else you know#i’m not gonna fucking fawn over you after you mistreat me#and of course no one else will defend me bc they’re all cowards too#afraid to not be on the narcissist’s team#bc the only other team has literally one player and that’s the scapegoat / truth teller#literally who tf wants to go against the narc?? nobody!! that’s why they think i’m stupid#it’s a blessing to be hated by cowards#it’s a sign you’re doing at least one thing right#acoa#family systems#codependency#narcissitic abuse#sick & tired of people living in these beat-around-the-bush type relationships where they are never direct and they are never happy#they don’t actually CARE about each other#they just want to be comfortable!!!#well it’s not COMFORTABLE to grow#‘you’re not the same person you used to be’ yeah well you’re EXACTLY THE SAME!!!#i love when people think that’s an insult#go ahead and tell on yourself#you have never changed or grown or confronted the ways that you treat people#i’m over it#it’s such a joke when these people try to talk to you
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aaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
#brain is being weird again. i miss the person i thought you were before i found out how truly truly horrible you are#but that person doesn’t exist! i never met them because they aren’t real!#i just wanna meet my person yk. like yeah i don’t want to be in a relationship bc that sounds exhausting but also#it wouldn’t be exhausting if it was my person. i wanna know someone. i wanna learn how someone works.#i wanna take care of someone and be taken care of without asking.#and like the thing is is i definitely have my people in my friends like i already have them in this way#and i appreciate that so so much which is why i won’t settle for anything less ever again and why i’m no longer actively seeking something#but i really do just miss clicking that well with someone right off the bat. and i know most of it was probably 1) me being lied to and 2)#me trying to make myself palatable for him#but i haven’t felt that truly blatantly appreciated in a long time#i just wish that fate would work a little faster at putting my person into my lap is all#i’m not even gonna say that it doesn’t have to be The Person i’ll end up with and can just be One Of the people along the way#because now that feels like settling and if the universe doesn’t want me to settle then i won’t#and i’m not trying to be impatient because i know that it’ll happen when it’s supposed to and i can’t force anything#i just want it to happen so badly. i want to have my cute love story. i want to have it last longer than a week. in a good way this time.#and i know i vent a lot about this in my tags but this time feels different#i just want what is supposed to happen to happen. and i want to feel comforted knowing that it will.#i just need a sign that it’s gonna happen someday so i don’t lose my mind waiting for it#that i’m in the right place. and i’m right where i’m supposed to be#idk. i just know i don’t deserve to feel alone anymore. especially when i know i’m not.#this feels like a prayer. maybe it is. whatever.#mari is irrelevant
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I’m sure someone has come to the conclusion that Barbatos was originally a feral demon upon creation, right? Diavolo very casually mentions that he lured Barbatos to the castle with tea leaves and Barbatos even notes in a different conversation that he was never a child. That one kid event aside, (which I could very easily find an explanation for if I took the time to do so) it seems too perfect that he would be a quadruped beast-like abomination, respectfully, and I’m going to run with that headcanon.
This is turning into a list I want to reference later 💀
• Barbatos has ALWAYS been articulate and insufferably formal. Maybe he’s made that way.
• Diavolo is the reason he takes a human-esque form, whether to match his own likeness or because he was influenced by some other factor prior to “The Fall”
• Barbatos’s current demon form only alludes to what he used to look like and is definitely the reason why it doesn’t seem to resemble a cohesive design
• He would have looked like a Frankenstein mix between a bat, salamander, owl, snake, and vulture
• ✨ Black sclera ✨ because yes absolutely he would *pants*
• Maybe he doesn’t revert to his previous form because Diavolo has never explicitly said that he was allowed to? (his abject servility lends me to believe he would never use his power without instruction or prompt so this might not be too big of a stretch)
• I already believe that most of the notable figures of native Devildom citizens are beasts or monsters and I think the older they are the less “human” they look. Barbatos is VERY old so that would fit in here nicely.
• Solomon nearly did himself in when summoning Barbatos, if I remember that right, and I desperately want to know what that was all about.
• Whether he started out as quadrupedal or bipedal I couldn’t say, but I think he was flexible enough to stride both ways. Don’t ask me for realism because this is clearly fiction lol but I will say that there is a distinction between his back haunches and the front “arms/hands”
• Someone once mentioned that Barbatos’s VA has a slight lisp (I’m unsure if this observation is true, but I can admit that I hear it and it’s undeniably cute to me) and for that reason alone, I’m envisioning either a snake tongue or sharp fangies to make an audible lisp—or he just has one; no reason at all ♥️
• As far as design goes, I kind of go back and forth between anthropomorphic (I’m using the term loosely and with neutral tone) and just full-on beast.
• For whatever scaly parts he has, I think they’re like a shift of green and blue, possibly yellow, like a June bug shell. Otherwise his body is a mixture of feathers and very fine fur, like a shitzu dog’s coat.
• Big ears! Huge ears that flex and move independently like digits on a hand. This would also explain the black claws on his head because I’m not buying that those are “horns.”
• I’m a big fan of Barbatos being able to speak every language imaginable and that definitely includes every variation of Devildom language. He’s old enough to have invented portions of some!
• Barbatos has said he doesn’t need to sleep (or I am at least fervidly trying to find evidence of it) so I want to believe he catnaps. Catnaps have been described as a light dozing while being alert to surroundings, either to escape danger or pursue prey.
• If he had fangs that worked to inject, he was a venomous monster. If not, I am adamant that he could secrete a toxin of some sort.
• Playing off that last idea, this would make a neat foundation as to why he’s so fascinated and keen on tea. I wonder what kinds of poisonous concoctions he’s made?
There’s a lot to add, but I need to reread the story to get some details right or to pick up anything I hadn’t had a mind to look for first time around. I know for a fact I skipped through most of the story involving the grimoire thing(?) and that’s pretty important regarding Barbatos lol so I’m coming back to this eventually!
#ah geez here I go#more headcanons no one wants lol#I’m gonna end up in tears if I try to sketch his design out because I’ve never drawn fantasy creatures!#uh I’m not sure what to tag this#I don’t think there’s anything concerning to my text yet but I’ll tag it in post if it ever changes#however! I am tagging this for my own purposes#obey me headcanons#well#barbatos headcanons#in the very least#I don’t know block me if you don’t care about this content lmao#hahaha noo I just realized I have to reread the entire story now!#long text#oh you know what#monster Barbatos#block that tag if you don’t want to see this!
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When your mutual reblogs a post and you know they were thinking about them. That one ship your friend adores with a passion and you know they’re always thinking about. Even when that post could have been related to any other pairing, you know it was about them because that mutual reblogged it and it just warms your heart to see it because yeah… it is about them.
#text post#soda rambles#y’all know who you are#and it’s adorable dont stop I love seeing your brainrot#btw might be resting a lot more today I am overwhelmed#I love you guys but loving you guys is also a lot of emotional work so I’m gonna try and rest so I can keep myself healthy as well#And don’t take that to mean “you are a burden”#no you are not I will never say that mama just needs some rest#did I just call myself that#whatever
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tell me your failed/embarrassing flirting stories to make me feel better, i’ll go first: today i said “get out of my way” forgot to say “i’m kidding” then immediately said “bye”
#it is awful having feelings for someone you know and have an established friendship with#but crushing on someone i barely know is knew to me and i legit feel like an idiot every time i do something stupid like this#i can’t just. talk to the guy#if i say hey and he says sup i say ‘sup indeed’ like what the fuck is that#i can barely even say hello to him#don’t get me wrong i’ve DONE it but most days i’m like#ah fuck there he is#okay you can do it just say hi#just say what’s up#and then he’s already gone#also. like. the setting we’re in is soooo not good for talking or flirting realt because um. it’s work he’s my coworker.. so um. do i fuckin#ask him for his number?? or to hang out??? but like. he’s kind of a stranger to me what do i want to hang out for 🧍#but like. i dont want to do that until i have at least one successful interaction#or like. an actual conversation.#which is gonna be really hard to manage because he doesn’t talk much at all to anyone and i really only talk if someone talks to me first or#i’ll say something absolutely idiotic and ridiculous (and honestly i do that no matter what)#anyway so um. i guess i’m just gonna keep making a fool of myself until i get it right and hopefully i don’t screw it up ���#i lost all my confidence in the last year and i cant do anything chill or smooth anymore (i was never that good in the first place but at#least i could PRETEND i knew what i was doing. like i could sell it. the whole weird and lost bit.)#anyway. i felt better for like 5 minutes when some guy at the gas station flirt failed with me on the way home. but that’s partly my fault#too oops. in his defense he probably could not see that i had headphones on bc upon mirror inspection they were well blended with my hair#but i was waiting to cross the street and this guy tried to like nod and smile and i did not know it was to me until i got to the other side#where the gas station was and and like. tried again and i awkward half smiled and saw his face get all mushy and confused like mine FELT 20#mins before when i’d flopped so hard trying to flirt and by the time i’d processed WAIT i think he was FLIRTING WITH ME i was already gone 🤡#but at least it ended better than the poor 14yo who very confidently asked for my number#who. i shit you not. SCREECHED for a solid 44.5 seconds and bolted the other direction when i said sorry im 21#his friends were standing there like wtf too and one was like i am so sorry about him 🤦#cheers to being fools universe
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August… time to get spooky.
#dadbots.txt#this has been in my draft for... almost a month. Yikes.#I’ve been dissociating hella hard these past months or something. swear I don’t remember time moving this fast. maybe it’s just me tbh.#idk what to say about July other than… boring? not much happened and I don’t really remember it if I’m honest. just. mm. shrugs.#best way to describe it LOL#been sleeping a LOT lately and I think it’s fatigue again. was it like anything before? no. not at that rate (yet) but just.#where you wanna sleep and sleep and sleep type of fatigue. you never feel rested and just gotta sleep it off kinda.#just one of those moments yknow.#it sucks. all I’m doing is letting the days pass me by and ‘missing out’ on living life when I could be enjoying it. but I lost interest -#- in doing so for months - years now due to personal health matters. And whaddya know - it came back again. after months of healing.#I'm pretty pissed as it does feel like a slap in the face. but you win some - you lose some. Gonna try and fight through it.#I wrote something at the beginning of august but that got deleted. Had a breakdown and thought huh. what a great way to start the month -#and now it's almost september. Just like that. What a month it's been. Stuck on what else to say but that really.#don't want to keep talking about depressing stuff as that's what i used to do and realized hey. maybe you should stop doing that so often#and not use it so casually in humor and/or stuff. Even though I reblog vents here n' all. but yknow.#maybe it is hypocritical. but that's not the point. Just want to reflect and see if i've changed since coming back to the web after a year.#not like it's going bad. just wished this year was a bit more optimistic. Last year was rough & i'm afraid this year will be another repeat#though I did come out to a family member this month and that was like a punch to the gut. Considering my status with them and all.#won't get into that. for now let's just say i'm not too close with them. An impulsive choice on my end but hey. it went well.#and that's what matters tbh. My younger self would've thought i was actually insane. like to even DO that? really?#shocking. I'm still not over that moment. Probably one of my biggest achievements this year.#I'll update this if anything else comes to mind. none of this make sense and that's ok. clearing my mind right now.#let's see what september has in store for me. Hopefully it'll get better as things slow down w/ winter on its way.#hope y'all enjoyed your summer. 🖤🤘🏽
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@ anon sorry I accidentally deleted ur ask!! to answer ur question though, I think it’s a bad idea because.. i fear rejection i guess and I suppose what I fear more is the opposite
#i have an issue where despite wanting to feel close to people I kinda hold everyone but like two people at arms length#I care a lot about people. even the people I don’t talk to anymore or like ppl I regard as like acquaintances#it’s easier to care from a distance. less of a sit back and watch thing more of a#aw I see a post on Instagram im so glad ur doing well I’m gonna mentally send good vibes and go about my day#it’s#it’s easier being a ghost I suppose#idk whenever I try a restart a friendship it never works#you can’t just rebuild connections#or at least I can’t#maybe im too different or maybe I’m too similar#also whenever I hype myself up to do something I’m afraid of doing it backfires spectacularly. so no actions means no expectations means no#consequences! and I know that makes me a bad person but consider that it’s for everyone’s best interests#this is probably just a weird phase of nostalgia anyway#and you should never reach out simply for nostalgias sake. you will have unrealistic expectations for urself and other ppl ^_^#im content w my mostly happy memories ^_^#should I tag this as#asks#nonnie#? in spirit I guess#I think I have like. one mutual from that time but I’ve changed my name like 60 times bro prolly don’t even recognize me which is for the#best#now… what am I gonna draw today#i guess im also afraid of what it means that I could’ve had more friends if I didn’t uhhh split or assume#that no one liked me in the first place#it already happened w a dear friend and I can never fix it so#why try
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Was like damn there should be an ace dating app for people who are like asexual or gray romantic or gray sexual. And then I went to google that and realized that would involve sharing my information with an app and giving up personal info to people. And I’m reminded of the people I had to block and the issues I’ve had with guys™️ in the past and that makes me want to break out in hives. Like would hopefully ideally be different. But. Alas. I’ll just have to believe in rom communism.
#normally I’m like whatver who even knows if I’d wanna date someone I feel bad about like trying to date someone if I was unsure if I’m#capable of having romantic feelings#my wanting to date people only happens after we become friends#and I have trouble understanding the difference between romance and friendship#so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#normally I’m like romance averse or neutral but sometimes I am like longing and I do want romance and I guess that’s today just randomly got#emotional studying during for property#I was like thinking about how I have as to explain to my dad like I don’t think I’m every gonna date or marry someone#and he’s like u could still date even if u don’t wanna do other things you should try to meet that#idk everyone I’ve ever liked sex has been a thing that’s too important to them lol or they ended up dating my brother#or it was a crush on a someone who lived way too far away for it to be realistic#idk. and normally I’m fine with that#but then (I started thinking about this bc of the Buffy danny poll bc it reminded me of my little cousin who really liked danny phantom#and who had a crush on danny when she was like 10 it was cute#BUT then I was like wait she knows I’m gay but does she know I’m ace and then I’m like well I’m 25 and have never had a date she’s probably#pieced something together#but then like also why would she think about it or care she’s a teenager#and then I thought about fi I’d ever have to explain which reminded me about the convo with my dad which made me think of all this idk#I truly thought maybe I was internally aro after all bc I hadn’t seemed for care or think about dating for like a few years now but then#boom maybe not as much as I thought#ignore me
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